#am I damned to live a loveless life

[wasteofart]

I love basking in the love of romantic movies and shows until I remember I'm never going to experience that feeling myself

[emmyrosee]

So Urm just a thought u got any…. Deep non curse sukuna angst I think it’s a good day to cry.

-anon🥢

Sukuna is nothing if not self sabotaging.

Things with you have been good. Borderline perfect; you’re the missing piece to the life he’s cursed to live, where he’s always self aware of his weaknesses and takes them out on those around him. There is no blessing, not when all he does it hurt. It’s a miracle yuuji and choso deal with his shit enough, he knows they should’ve dropped him off the face of the earth with the pain he causes.

Now, it seems, it’s your turn.

Your turn to be on the receiving end of his fury, his rage and heartbreak, your only chance to escape being to leave him; maybe that’s all he wants: you to leave him.

He stopped calling you. Stopped answering texts. When his brothers and parents ask about you, he merely stays silent, opting against making you sound more divine than they know you are.

You’re perfect. You’re not for him.

Theres a pounding on the door that goes unanswered by everyone in the house, and he groans as he gets up to answer it, only to reveal your frame in the door.

You look distraught. You’re angry, he can see that in your eyes, there’s a betrayal buried deep in them. Your face holds a scowl and your breathing picks up at the sight of him.

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

Sukuna rolls his eyes and walks away from the open door, knowing you’ll follow him no matter what. “So?”

“So?” You ask, offended. “You and I are supposed to be in love, supposed to be partners in crime-“

“Im hearing a lot of ‘supposed to be,’ and not a lot of ‘have to be’” he snaps. He hears you take a breath to say something, but you don’t. He screws his eyes shut. “Get over it. I didn’t sign a contract with my blood saying I have to come to your every beck and call.”

“Sukuna. Stop.”

“Stop what?”

“Being an asshole,” you say firmly. “Let me in. I’m here. What’s going on?”

“I’m sick of you.”

At his blunt words, you gasp, and sukuna feels the bile rise up his throat. He’ll do anything though. Anything to make you stop loving him. “What…?”

“I’m sick. Of you,” he echos. “You checking up on me, demanding we go out, flaunting me off to your friends like I’m some damn trophy-“

“Because I love you!” You hiss. “I want to show you off, make the world see how lucky I am to have you!”

“‘Show me off?’” He cackles, spinning on his heel to face you. “There’s nothing to show. I am nothing to you. You, are nothing to me.”

You reel back at his words, waterline swelling with tears as you are wounded by his words. “You think because I take you out on a few dates, we kissed a little and I held that little hand of yours, that you’re anything special to me?” He shakes his head with a cruel chuckle, “I’ve done that to every broad I’ve ever been with. You’re not special. Never were anything more than a body to me.”

You puff out your chest like an animal trying to protect itself, “then what about the nights we cuddled?” You demand. “What about our late night trips to McDonald’s or 7/11? What about the nights you cried in my chest about your miseries and hardships, and I carded your hair and cradled you close to my body?”

“What about them!” He yells, the cracks in his confidents breaking. Those moments mean the world to him, and for him to now force you to use them against him has his blood running cold. “Yeah, I let you see the softer bits of me. Who cares?”

“I do!” You wail. “Because it made me think, for one second, that we could be something special! Something we earned and worked for together!”

“I think you forget,” he snarls, “I lived a fine life without you in it. We can go right fucking back the minute you started thinking this bullshit.”

You flinch at the harshness of his words. It’s working. Sukuna feels it. The love you have for him dwindling, the connection being frayed and severed with every pass of his words-

“Then do it,” you whisper. “If your life was so great loveless, then go back. But just know, I’ll never stop loving you. Ever. You’ll never have the peace of the freedom of heartbreak when it comes to me.”

With that, you take a step back, followed by another, but your eyes never leave his. Your bottom lip wobbles and you grab your coat over the back of his chair. He watches as you cover your mouth with your hand before dashing out, slamming the door behind you and leaving a trail of tears. His eyes are fixed on the door that’s finally stopped shaking on its hinges from the slam, as if waiting for you to sweep back in and demand his love, demand him to care and want you back.

But it doesn’t come. You don’t come back.

He can’t fight the urge to swipe everything off the counter with his arms in a fury, plates and cups flying off and shattering under the force. He pants like a voracious beast, angry and predatory, but he’s grounded as he steps on a shard of crystal from his mom’s wine glass.

And now, rather than chase you down the street, begging for your forgiveness, he sits down, using his hands to pick up the bigger shards. There’s an unfamiliar trickling down his cheek of hot tears, one splatters to the floor, and that’s it. Sukuna, with the monster he worked so hard to keep at bay, ruins another paradise in his life.

He cries alone.

All alone.

[lovelessrage]

This one's a bit more personal/just a me thing, so keep that in mind.

I always feel kinda left out when people ask for more emotional aros, because it feels like almost every aro I see people write is emotional in one way or another; they react, they live, they're expressive and they feel deeply. But, the characters I always saw myself in? It's the unemotional, it's the distant one, the stick in the mud, the grouch. The guy who's no fun is always much more close to my aro experience, especially as a loveless, low empathy person.

I see myself reflected in the character who is a grump when they reject romance, that pushes others away and lives in solitude, because it feels like so many canonical aro characters rely so heavily on friendship and family. The grouchy ones, though? They're on their own and damn proud of it. That always speaks to my loveless self much, much more.

I do think in the ideal world, that means rep for all, every shade of aro under the sun in at least one media. But, I feel a bit sad when the characters I've related to most are filed under "stereotype, do not touch"; I AM a stereotype. I am a stereotypical, loveless, solitary aro. These characters are my life. Make room for all of us at the finish line.

[thebluemoonjune]

The Sounds Of A Black Dahlia- Prologue

Summary:

8 years after marrying into a rich but cruel and messed-up family, Michonne, a loving mother and dutiful wife, finds herself in the middle of a brewing storm that may take everything she cares for, all while an unexpected member of the family returns, wanting to cause even more chaos and uproot her already troublesome life. AU Richonne centred. The first chapter is the prologue.

Today was the day—the day that her life would undoubtedly change forever. She ground her teeth in anxious worry, rocking back and forth or side to side as her fingers sought out anything she could hold onto. She looked regal as he stared at herself in the mirror, heart stumbling over its own rhythm. She couldn’t take it anymore. She got up, deciding it was best to work off her anxiety by pacing the room.

Girl, relax! Your heart is beating so fast, it’ll burst!

“Michonne! Calm down! You're getting yourself all worked up over nothing.”

“Me getting married is nothing, Sasha?”

“You told me months ago you loved this man. Your families may have pushed for this, but you told me it was okay because you fell in love with him. So why so nervous.”

“I just turned twenty… What the hell do I know about being a wife? What if I’m not ready? What if I mess up? My brother always says I’m childish. What if he thinks that? He’s six years older than me, after all. What if he changes his mind?” Michonne covered her face as her mind ran a marathon and Maggie snatched them from her.

“Stop it! You’ll mess up your makeup! I am not gonna let my best friend get married looking a damn hot mess! Get your shit together! As Sasha said, you said you loved him; this is something both your families want. It’s good you got feelings for him because you’d still have to marry him if your folks get their way. And could you, being a hopeless romantic, imagine a loveless marriage? You get to marry your first love; your first time will be with your husband; damn, he was your first kiss! He is also from one of the wealthiest families in the country and the world. You are living a fairy tale and you deserve it because you are the sweetest person I know!”

“I what if he’s having second thoughts? I’d be so embarrassed!” Sasha rolled her eyes, and going to her side.

“You told us he is the kindest, amazing, sweetest, funniest, protective, charming, understanding, most patient guy you had ever met. That’s not me exaggerating!” The three giggled as they tried to contain their emotions. “Those are your words. Honestly, Maggie and I were worried. You don’t have any experience, and it was clear your family was pushing this, but to hear how you spoke about him, it gave me relief.”

“It gave us relief.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Really! Do you wanna marry him? Believe it or not, he is not who matters here. Chonnie, you are so young and you may love him, but that’s not all it takes. You gotta be sure about these things.”

“Maggie!”

“Let her answer. Let her think about it. This is a goddamn life-changing decision, and she’s never even had sex. His dick could be small for all we know and she just goes in. We gotta know that she loves him regardless. That this, is what she wants, not her parents’ eagerness confusing her. I don’t want her to make a mistake either way.”

“Okay! Okay, I see your point—”

“I love him. I want to marry him… I do!”

“Are you sure? Think about it!”

“I’m sure, Maggie.”

“Well, you heard our girl!”

“I’m getting married!” Their mouths pulled into a silent O, increasingly as they processed the news. They soon began screaming in excitement.

The three of them held hands. Now that her friends had calmed her down, she smiled so widely, her eyes nearly pinched shut. At the same time, a knock came, and her brother Michael peeked his head in the door.

“You know, Mike, when one knocks, they usually wait for a response.” Michonne threw daggers at him and he rolled his eyes, letting himself in.

“Shut up. I see you guys worked your magic, She actually looks like a person—an adult, even. She ready?”

“She just needs her veil, but emotionally, she’s ready.” Sasha tucked it in Michonne’s hair, letting it fall over her face and she eyed Mike up and down.

“Alright, you guys, go let the others know so we can get this show on the road. My dad will come for her at the walkway.”

“Okay!” The two sent kisses and left.

“You look beautiful.” His eyes softened as he held her cheek. “Are you sure you're ready? I’ll talk to Mom and Dad. You don’t—”

“I’m ready. I promise.”

“Okay, I’m heading back. Meet us at the walkway in ten minutes.”

Michonne approached the mirror, lifted her veil, and observed herself. Her hands were balled into fists, covering her smile, big eyes gleaming over her knuckles. Her heart was still beating, but she was content as she admired her long-sleeved, ivory-stone, lace, round-neck wedding gown. Though modest, displaying no cleavage and merely her neckline, and rather traditional, it was a stunning gown. She realised why her mother chose it. They couldn't allow the media any room for criticism since they married into a white, rich family. She had to be flawless. She considered spinning around to check behind her, but decided against it since her long veil might tangle. It was time for her to leave. She shouldn’t dilly-dally any longer. She hiked up her dress and walked out the door, only to be graced by an unexpected soul leaning on the wall in a brown suit, puffing on a cigarette.

What is he doing here?

“Rick?” Surprised, she couldn’t help calling out his name. He cast his gaze in her direction, allowing their eyes to meet.

“Oh… Hey. Everyone’s waiting for you. Your bridesmaids are already in position.”

“I know; thank you for the information.”

She always wanted to say as little to him as possible. He always made her uncomfortable, like she was an outsider he would never see as anything else. So polite, it came off cold. His eyes were never still, and he only glimpsed at her in passing. Today, however, he seemed more laid back.

I didn’t even know he smoked.

“Congrats, by the way.”

“For what?

“I heard your girlfriend Lori had a baby boy.” He smiled, clearly thinking about his newborn.

“Yeah… His name is Carl.”

“Given that I’ll be his new aunt, I’ll have to get him a good gift.”

She let out an innocent smile in his direction. Rick’s eyes narrow, studying her from head to toe, causing her scepticism to be reflected by a single lifted brow. He chuckled at her reaction. Keeping his blue eyes on her, he put out his cigarette, outing it on the wall, walking right up to her and invading her space.

“Why are you doing this?”

“What?” Her brows formed a deep, perplexed wrinkle as she examined his face for answers she couldn’t find.

“You don’t have to do this, you know? Are you so afraid of Mommy and Daddy that you’d get married without so much of a peep?”

“I—”

“You ain’t one of us. You’re never gonna be one of us… It doesn’t matter who you marry or what last name you got; you don’t got our blood. You ain’t like us and you’re never gonna be like us. You can run right now. I’ll cover for you. It’ll be a little embarrassing for my brother, but he’ll thank both of us when things calm down… Trust me, this is for the best.” She blinked hurriedly, her pupils dilating as she struggled to make sense of the contradicting information.

“What is your problem with me?”

“I don’t have a problem with you; this is just advice.”

“Yes, you do! You treat me like I’m beneath you, like an afterthought.”

“Am I supposed to be friendly with you? We’re not friends; this marriage is all business too. You okay with rushing into a marriage that neither of you want?”

“What do you know! I am getting married, whether you like it or not. You don’t have the blood or the name either! Everybody knows that! So how can you stand there and insult me? I haven’t done anything to you. When I sign that marriage certificate, I’ll have the name since it’s so important to you! My children will have the blood too; that’s more than you. You are a Grimes. You aren’t one of them either…” His vast blue eyes widened in dismay before becoming dark and serious with acceptance.

“You’re right… I’m not.” His lips pulled down in a comical frown. “I—”

“Michonne!”

His expression caught her off guard. Nausea churned her stomach the more she looked at him and the more ashamed she felt. He was about to say something but the sharp voice of her father came from behind, stopping them in their tracks.

“Michonne, your late!”

“Sorry!”

Michonne hurriedly snatched up her dress with all its weight and dashed to her father’s side, who assisted with the train. She took a couple of steps forward and twisted her neck to catch a glimpse of Rick. He was leaning against the wall, a new cigarette in his lips, and looking aimlessly at the floor. She could not focus on him right now. She was set to get married. She pushed those strange thoughts to the back of her mind and concentrated on what lay ahead. Her father tucked her hand under his arm as they approached the chapel.

“Michonne.”

“Daddy?”

“You have to remember to do your wifely duties. You listen to your husband and honour his parents. Always remember your place. After today, you are a Walsh. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Daddy…” She understood exactly what he meant. From today on, she was not their concern and she shouldn’t make mistakes that would reflect badly on them, regardless of whether she lived well or not. Her typically bright visage had darkened and become withdrawn.

“Good.” He tapped her hand repeatedly in acceptance, and his lips curled into a sneer.

They finally entered, and seeing her soon-to-be husband, all those bad thoughts faded away. He gazed at her with a light smile on his face. She had a maid of honour, Sasha, who clarified that the position was hers and Maggie was her bridesmaid; she had no others, not even her sister. Shane’s party also had two people, including his brother Monty, who served as his best man. He originally hoped for Rick, but he rejected it for unknown reasons. It didn't matter; everything was marvellous. Going down the aisle brought everything into perspective for her. Even with Sasha and Maggie’s assistance, she could feel the train of her gown and veil trailing behind her. They made it after what felt like a long journey. Her father handed her away, and her fiancé placed her hand in his. The chaplain delivered his sermon, and she was in a daze until they exchanged vows and said, ‘I do’ to cap it all off. The couple signed their papers in front of the media. 

“Alright, I need the married couple. Mr. and Mrs. Walsh, I need a picture of you cutting the cake, then we’ll go to the gardens.”

They followed the photographer’s wishes. They fed each other cake and Michonne grinned ear to ear the entire time. She didn’t know why she was so nervous in the first place. During it all, her newlywed husband was quiet during all of it, He was never much of a talker so she paid it no mind. He held her lower back and lifted her dress as he guided her to the garden. They took various photos. There was one particular one that stood out. She was standing next to him under a large, royal white-flowering redbud tree. Its sweet pea scent filled the air with a gentle, lovely fragrance. Michonne closed her eyes and inhaled the soothing scent that brushed across her nose. They were supposed to look ahead but it didn’t work out that way. Next to her husband, a baby duck had fallen behind, drawing his attention from the shoot and causing her to gaze at him. The photographer was going to delete it and try again but Michonne went to see it as she had done with all the others. His eyes looked sad, staring at the baby duck, which made her giggle. She was staring at him, basket in concern, with an outstretched hand

So sensitive! But it’s adorable. I want it.

“I like it; let’s keep it!” She called him over to show him. “Cute, right?”

“You don’t gotta keep it… We can take better ones.” She shook her head in protest.

“Nope, I’m keeping it. We can show our children how sensitive their daddy is.” She let out a sweet laugh. “Are you embarrassed? Is that why you don’t want to?” He looked at his feet for a moment before returning eye contact with her with a soft smile.

“If it makes you happy, we’ll keep it.” Her eyes were alight with joy as she giggled uncontrollably.

“I love you, Shane.” He took her hand, placing a gentle kiss on her fingers. “When we’re done, we can go to the pond and feed the ducks.”

“Hmm.”

“Redbud trees look nice.” She reached out to him, straightening his tux.

“Hmm.”

“There is a longstanding myth that Judas Iscariot hanged himself from a tree of this species... And yet, since the leaves are heart-shaped, it makes for a beautiful symbolic display of love that everyone has come to associate them with… Funny, isn’t it?”

“Hmm.”

“Is grunting all you’re going to do, my dear husband?”

“No.”

“Well, then, talk with me. What do you like and what do you hate? Did you enjoy the cake?”

“I enjoyed the cake... Today is your day; it ain’t about me.” His eyes dropped again. “It’s our day—it’s our wedding. Shane, it’s about the both of us; don’t forget that.”

“It’s time for the family portrait.” 

Both sets of relatives gathered in the sea of royal white-flowering redbud trees. Sasha and Maggie fixed her gown, and the photographer positioned everyone right away. In the mids of things, Michonne caught that some people weren't present. She scanned the surrounding area and noticed Rick standing by the side, under a tree, with his girlfriend, Lori, as she held their baby boy.

“Wait!”

“What’s wrong?”

“Rick isn’t here. He’s your brother; he should be here. Same as Carl and Lori.” Shane came to a realisation when he heard his wife’s words. His little brother wasn’t there. Following Michonne’s line of sight. He caught him in his view and waived him over.

“Rick! Come on, man! Don’t keep us waiting!” Rick stood there, unwilling to move. It was Lori who forced him over. “Alright! Now that lover-boy is here, let’s do this.” Shane slapped his brother on the back.

Since the reception was held in the gardens as well, they evacuated the media so Michonne could finally relax and not worry about how she looked to others. Everyone was having a merry old time. Sasha was harassing her brother Mike and Maggie was down drinking. Shane had gone with his father and brother, talking to business associates. She was sitting at the table alone when her mother-in-law Eleanor, sat next to her.

“Not taking part in the festivities?”

“I’m okay.”

“Mhmm. You know, Michonne, I like you.”

“Huh?”

“I see a lot of myself in you.” Eleanor reached out and played with Michonne’s diamond earring. “You’re a sweet, young girl, yes, even naive. No doubt your parents had you under lock and key. I’d say that you’d be eaten up and swallowed whole, but I see this spark in you—this resilience, this loyalty… You’ll be a good wife for my son. He doesn’t need some floozie who thinks a baby is gonna make all her dreams come true. You’re a good, smart girl who will learn and survive. It’s why my cunt of a husband and I chose you. My son needs someone like you by his side.”

“I don’t—I don’t think I understand…” She admitted, her voice carrying the resignation of someone who had yet to find answers. Eleanor withdrew her hand from the clueless girl.

“Of course not, dear, but you will, given time. A word of advice, keep your thoughts to yourself; do not care what anyone else has to say and you’ll be just fine. I know a diamond when I see it… I’ve enjoyed this talk.”

Eleanor got up, leaving Michonne spluttering incoherent sounds, as if her thoughts were too tangled to express. Eleanor was always sweet to her. She didn’t quite understand much of their cryptic discussion nor did her mother-in-law wish to explain it. Michonne didn’t know just how valuable those words would come to mean or their weight. She was in thought until her husband came to fetch her.

“Are you ready?

“Mhmm.”

...

8 years, 9 months later

They stood over what seemed to be a lifeless corpse, Michonne’s white heels stained with fresh blood. Time slows as the gravity of the situation weighs it down. She grabbed her chest, her fingers quivering, as if attempting to keep her pounding heart from escaping. Then she put her quivering tips against her temples, attempting to calm the frenetic ideas racing through her skull, each one a teasing reminder of her rising terror. Their breath came in jagged, uneven gasps, as if their lungs strained to suck in oxygen within the crushing grasp of dread, each inhaling a war against their own panic as their eyes met. They were fucked.

...

...

...

Now that the prologue is complete, the key points to properly understanding this story are colour, styling, clothing, relationships, and references to sayings and myth. The colours will tell you a lot or lead you astray. I put both negative and positive for a reason. Sometimes one will apply, and sometimes both will apply. I was listening to the succession theme the whole time I was writing Chapter One while listening to Jon and Daenerys love theme/suite, plus it was also an element mix of the Og Dynasty and Bold and the Beautiful. Og characters will be in this as main players, along with Richonne, Carl, Shane, Andrea, Magna, Maggie, Sasha, Beth, Daryl, Negan, Phillip, and Jessie. I don’t know if I missed someone; I probably did. So I have a little chart that will be updated as the story goes on. It is not a necessity but to keep track as the story goes on...if it goes on. you can skip everything below!

Family Chart

…

THE WALSH’s

Original Branch

…

Ronan Lucius Walsh II

Ronan Lucius Walsh III (66), Patrick Friedrich Walsh (42), Cillian Artorius Walsh (63),  John (61) Castus Walsh, Joseph Caesar Walsh (58)

Branch 1.1

    John Castus Walsh (61), Eleanor Olivier Grimes-Walsh (55),

Shane Johnathan Walsh (34), Shawn Montgomery Walsh (32),  Kendall Oliva Walsh {K} (28)

Branch 1.2

John Castus Walsh (61),  Andrea Holden (36)

Alexander Malcolm Walsh (18), Andrew John Walsh (11)

Branch 2.1

Shane Johnathan Walsh (34), Michonne Marie Walsh {Chonne} (28)

Andre John Anthony Walsh{AJ} (6), Maliyah Olivier Marie Walsh {Lia} (3)

Branch 2.2

Shawn Montgomery Walsh {Monty} (32), Magna Anders (27)

N/A

GRIMES’

Eleanor Olivier Walsh-Grimes , James Augustus Remus??

Richard Daniel Grimes {Rick} (30), Lori Wayne (30)

Carl Arthur Grimes (8)

HAWTHORNE’s

Michael Mace Hawthorne (59), Michelle Marie Hawthorne (55)

Michael Micah Hawthorne {Mike}(33), Macie Maya Hawthorne (31), Michonne Marie Walsh (28)

Chapter-1

Chapter-2

[miras-ash]

I finished the translation of my mini Oneshot and here it is. Disclaimer: My grammar is total trash and I bet some words are wrong, too. I tried my best and I hope you're all still able to understand anything😅

Freezing night air flows into the room through the open window, only the moon enlights the room in pale light which makes the already bleak room seem even more loveless. The steady beeping of the hospital equipment to which she is connected has become a familiar sound in my head, almost as if it had always been there.

A shiver runs through my exhausted body and pulls me back to reality. Here I am, once again in a hospital. One too many times in a damn place like this. I saw too many beloved people hurt or worse; die. I should be used to it but how can someone get used to it to see family and friends suffering.

A lump forms in my throat and I have to swallow, again tears run down my face. My gaze falls to my side, to the bed next to me, the bed in which the woman lies I love the most. Eliza.

The last weeks I have spent only at her side and nothing and no one could have stopped me. How could I leave her after I already failed to protect her.

It was Deimos plan, his bomb but I was the one who found the location for the "Nighthaven armory deal", I stumbled into his trap and yet she's the one who payed for it. That's not fair, it should be me lying here fighting for my life, not her. If I could I would take her place without hesitation. All I can do is stay at her side and hold her hand as she becomes weaker and weaker, as her life drains away with every breath.

The doctors have given her time, more than enough. I know that myself. But I had hope, a small part of me still have to this very moment and yet here I am to say goodbye.

I know Eliza wouldn't approve seeing me here like this, she would tell me to carry on as usual, to fight, that she's not worth it but I can't. She's the fighter who never gives up, not me....

I'm no doctor but even I can see on the small ECG monitor that her heartbeat is getting slower and weaker. I want to look away, don't want to see it, don't want to hear it, just don't want it to be true.

I put my forehead in front of hers, the tears from before have become an uncontrolled torrent and wet Eliza's pale face.

I know it's happening, but I don't want it to happen. I am so afraid. Of waking up every morning in a world without her, of king to work without an Eliza Cohen rushing through my office door and shit talking about something, of going to sleep at night without feeling her warmth, of having to "live" my life without ever being complete again.

"Liza, my poppy flower, my fire, my heart. Don't you dare to ever forget how much I love you because I will never. The next time you wake up we will be separated but I hope you know that I would never leave you and I know one day we'll meet again, no matter where no matter how. I will find you in any universe at any time. I am your spirit, your fallen angel." A sob escapes me before my voice fails completely.

One last time my fingers stroke her soft red hair, her cheeks, her mouth and one very last time our lips meet and for a moment everything feels normal, that familiar feeling of her closeness, her smell, just her.

"Goodbye"

[deadprompts]

𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚆𝙰𝙻𝙺𝙸𝙽𝙶 ���𝙴𝙰𝙳 𝚂𝙴𝙰𝚂𝙾𝙽 𝟸 𝙿𝚁𝙾𝙼𝙿𝚃𝚂.

content warning applies. change any pronouns / wording if necessary.

we're not broken.

it's all about slim chances now.

he was trying so hard to be reasonable, but that pushed my buttons even more.

i wish i had something better to say, something more profound.

you chose suicide!

your dad saved my life today.

if i hadn't done what i did, you'd be dead now.

i don't deserve your mercy.

you're a joke is what you are.

that's why i need you.

you think that's the kind of man i am?

this new world is ugly. it's harsh. it's survival of the fittest.

i'm keeping this group together.

you don't know what we've had to go through out there.

i'm down to my last.

i'll control my people, you control yours.

you're nothing but a freak to them.

it's a waste of time all this hoping and praying.

he was a loveless, violent drunk and no good to anybody.

we need to start treating him like an adult.

i can't go back.

why are we running? what are we doing?

if you believe anything, believe that.

are you putting them away?

isn't there anybody else who's gonna stand with me?

this isn't a democracy anymore.

i don't think you can keep them safe.

they're gonna kill all of us.

when i've had a chance to think about it.

he knew things about us, the truth, who we really are.

we're gonna prove him wrong.

i need a night to think it through.

if i'm the kind of man that would gun down his own best friend, what'd you think i do to some guy i don't even like when he starts throwing accusations my way.

dumbass didn't know enough to shoot himself in the head.

you're putting me on the spot.

i couldn't always read him, but he could read us.

i wasn't hurting anyone else.

heaven is just another lie, and if you believe it, you're an idiot.

is that what you want?

you're pretty much dead already.

stop acting like you know the way ahead, like you know the rules.

you got a hell of an infection there.

we've all seen it one time or another.

that's great. now they've got you doubting yourself, huh?

i don't think you can do it.

waste of an arrow.

i killed him.

the right choice is the one that keeps us alive.

i thought we were changing the subject.

no one is going anywhere.

her being out here is my fault.

please. let's just do what's right.

everyone either avoids me or they treat me like i'm crazy.

i would have done that too.

call that payback for laughing about my itchy ass.

i don't believe it.

maybe you people are better off without me.

my hands are clean.

i guess i'm losing hope that you can hear me.

you're just gonna kill him?

a lot of them just disappeared.

if y'all wanna live, if y'all wanna survive, you gotta fight for it!

she's in a better place.

could a living, breathing person, could they walk away from this?

i knew what he was doing, what he was up to.

i know exactly where i am.

you want him? go fetch him yourself.

oh, don't start that shit.

let her be safe, alive and safe.

i'm gonna advise you to keep that theory to yourself.

she's so young in her way.

i wasn't there.

maybe this isn't a world for children anymore.

nah, i can shoot. just don't like to.

that life won't be worth a damn.

you missed all that gun training.

i wish you could have the childhood i had, but that's not gonna happen.

i can't profess to understand god's plan.

he pushed me, and i let him.

there are no rules, man. we're lost.

that's a world i don't wanna live in.

don't be too hard on yourself.

is there something wrong with me?

you don't have anything to prove.

it's always the same with you.

not now. just not now!

you see 11 condoms, i see 11 minutes of my life i'm not getting back.

people are gonna die.

i prayed you'd put a stop to it.

my father didn't bother with comforting lies, he used his fist.

the pain doesn't go away, you just make room for it.

i'm not your wife.

maybe i'm fooling myself again.

the world we know is gone.

you knew this whole time?

i didn't lose my mind!

you killed a person.

it could've come in handy now.

your veins are very discolored.

they're laughing at you behind your back.

i was just trying to keep everybody safe.

this guy's tail lights zig zagging all over the road.

you got no idea what i can live with!

shoot me again? you best pray i'm dead.

you could die from blood poisoning.

i guess i haven't quite got that last part down.

let's see how far you get.

if you saw how it is out there, you wouldn't ask.

it ain't like it was before!

please, don't let this be my punishment.

you think god exists?

people in hell want slurpees.

some men do not earn the love of their sons.

why is it still coming?!

what's going on with you?

if i had known the world was ending, i would have brought better books.

it's my call, man.

the other geeks came and ate all the flesh off his legs.

he said this group was broken.

my father was good like that.

i try not to mix it up with the almighty anymore.

the world that we knew is dead.

i didn't ask for this!

would it have made a difference?

we're going back.

how could i have known for sure?

well maybe we oughta just think that through.

i'm not sitting here, waiting for another herd to blow through.

i do the christian thing, give you shelter, and you destroy it all!

no more kid stuff.

he saw people for who they were.

why don't you go out and find out yourself.

it ain't hard, man.

i wanted him dead.

i want a gun.

that kind of honesty is rare and brave.

i'll have sex with you.

you can't just be the good guy and expect to live.

i ain't nobody's bitch.

i don't know what to say.

this isn't about what we believe anymore.

there's always that chance isn't there?

i think you oughta show some gratitude.

you want to kill me, you're going to have to do better than that wrench.

are you trying to buy my silence with fruit?

i know what kind of man you are.

i'm sorry.

you need to reconsider.

i bet you've had to do some of those same things yourself.

keeping our humanity? that's a choice.

i was not at his deathbed.

he gave me no choice!

she hasn't had a chance.

and you never said anything?

i'm not the good guy anymore.

what you know about what i can live with?

christ promised a resurrection of the dead, i just assumed he had something a little different in mind.

i say there's a place for us, but maybe it's just another pipe dream.

there is nothing easy about taking a man's life no matter how little value it may have.

don't let him kill me.

you act like you don't care.

i just wanted it over.

these things ain't sick!

you don't know shit anymore.

best we can do now is avoid it as long we can, keep one step ahead.

let me ask you something.

i lost my daughter.

you took my choice away, and you expect gratitude?

he was my friend, but he came after me.

that is not your call.

from now on, we're gonna do it his way.

there is no cure.

there is no hope for any of us.

feels like there's a lot of that going around.

we tried to kill each other, man.

we need to move, now.

ain't nobody ever gonna care about you except me.

send me a postcard!

i've been doing that all along, no matter what.

you did this to us!

you saw how he was like.

oh, man. wouldn't that be the way?

go on, there's the door.

your bitch went window shopping.

you're completely in over your head aren't you?

you're gonna kill me in cold blood?

whatever it is, we all carry it.

punish me however you want, but show mercy on her.

get up on your feet, before i'm gonna have to kick your teeth in.

i am sure as hell not your problem.

you've been vague about that night, about what happened.

i'm not your little girl.

i know you. you won't be able to live with this.

there's no way you can ever be ready for it.

what are you, 70?

look at him. hanging up there like a big piñata.

it's a wonder you people have survived this long.

you're a man of god, have some faith.

we're all infected.

you got a girlfriend i don't know about?

they're not people! they're dead!

you people are like a plague!

[iamgrape]

➴AM♡UR ✧*。01

Warning: suicidal tendency?? Cannibal mentioned?? Death? Suggestive incest feelings or nah idk???

Previous || CH01 || NEXT

꒷꒦˚︶︶꒦꒷︶꒷꒦˚꒷꒦˚︶︶꒦꒷︶꒷꒦˚꒷꒦˚︶︶꒦꒷︶꒷꒦

You stared at the post in the odd website about people who wish to be use at least one last time for other people. When they given up trying to find their pair or life is too tough for them.

[ Yuu: hi I'm new here! Does anyone want a organ or two. Ahaha.

(mod)KingDice: welcome! welcome~

BeelzebubButaChef: are you sure you wanna do it? There's more in life you know.

(Mod)KingDice: it seems @BeelzebubButaChef want me to hit you in the head. Why would you bring that up as first thing you'll say?

BeelzebubButaChef: @kingdice, if they find this site. It only mean that they wanna unalive theirself. That's not a good thing!

(Mod)KingDice: AHAHAHha. What a hypocrite you are BeelzebubButaChef -chan~ don't you eat the last one too?

BeelzebubButaChef:...

BeelzebubButaChef:... I won't do it if it's not my nature! Stop bringing it up, Rinne!

... ]

You wonder what's up with those two as you watch them chat away and arguing now and then. Your unable to response as your not sure what to say about the topic.

[ Adorablecutie: hello, @yuu! I'm hiiro!

Yuu: hello! I'm Yuu!

Adorablecutie: Yuu? Oh! I found your name in the list! But I don't think it's your time yet! Are you sure you wanna do it? I can guide you to your next life if you want to do it. ]

You pause trying to understand what this person is talking about. You thought they are the sane one but turn out people in the website called "wealldielikeeichioneday.org" is not normal. Well the fact you did find this site is the most abnormal thing too.

[ (Mod) KingDice: oh no! Even my adorable hiiro have scared off the customer! @BeelzebubButaChef you better remember that @daddyibanyan won't pay us if we scare one off!

BeelzebubButaChef: the audacity you have rinne! I'm only encouraging humans to live another day!

(Mod) KingDice: well, damn you really using names now huh, Niki? Do you wanna die?

BeelzebubButaChef: I'm the one feeding you, you piece of crap. You will not have dinner tonight!

(Mod) KingDice: well, well. It seems the seven sins of cycle give you wrath this year, well damn.

BeelzebubButaChef: I hope you remember that Beelzebub other name is Satan. I will end you existence if you try to approach me rinne. Go and try to and punch me. I will pierce my hands through your chest and ripe your hearts out.

( BeelzebubButaChef have logged out )

(Mod) KingDice: ...

(Mod) KingDice: that's kinda seggsy tbh.

Adorablecutie: niisan! Niisan! Did you get lust this year?

(Mod) KingDice: what makes you think that, my adorable lil bro?

Adorablecutie: well your flirting with Shiina-san... Even through...

(Mod) KingDice: well, if isn't hiiro who's effected by Envy this year. Well. People are acting very out of character! AHAHAHA.( ´◡‿ゝ◡`)

Yuu:... Wow. You guys flirting in front of my salad?! And here I thought I can find a place without lovebird. WHY IS EVERYONE PAIRED. I WANNA KMS. ]

You quickly wanted to delete the post but cannot, it seems no one is allowance to delete anything here. Oh shit.

[ (Mod) KingDice: oh!oh! So your a loveless human who wanna end themselves cause couple those days are getting popular!

Yuu:...

Yuu: you have no right to judge me! My mom want me to be married off but I refuse! I refuse to marry someone that's isnt my soul mate! I would rather jump off this bridge.

(Mod) KingDice: damn...

(Mod) KingDice: and here I thought I could ask you out for a date. (´ε｀ )

Adorablecutie: NIISAN! WORK ENVIRONMENT! WORK ENVIRONMENT!

(mod) KingDice: geez, hiiro you need to chill with that envy on you.

Adorablecutie: niisan your not allowed to flirt with people who isn't Destined for us!

(Mod) KingDice: "us" you say. Geez. I swear your a brocon that won't allow your niisan to have a babe for himself! Or be away from niisan, huh? I'm gonna think you have a incest feeling for ya niisan.

Adorablecutie:...

Adorablecutie: what if I am.

.

.

.

(Mod) KingDice: ...

Adorablecutie: through...what's is incest, niisan?

(Mod) KingDice: damn you almost made me have a heart attack.

Yuu: same.]

Those people are fucking weird. You quickly try to exit the tab but it won't shut at All.

"Holy... Why isn't this closing, I don't wanna chat with weirdo before I die !". You fondling on your phone as the strong wind current on where you are blow stronger in the night, almost pushing you off the edge of the bride where your standing.

[ (Mod) KingDice: oh my, the customer wanna cross the chatroom huh? You see you cannot do that. Once your in, the only way out is death or your a mod in this place!

Adorablecutie: why would you wanna leave Yuu? I thought your cool to chat with! You feel nice to be chatted with! Like niisan!

(Mod) KingDice: oh my, my younger brother have a thing for customer ? Oh lala. This can't do. As far as I'm concerned. Our dear customer suddenly haver their name written in the list! You really are in the bridge arent you?

Adorablecutie:... What bridge? I'm close to one! I sense something here! Something nice! So I was flying around!

(Mod) KingDice: something nice? Oh. Let me see your coordinate...

(Mod) KingDice: oh! Your quite close to the location!

Yuu: whay rhe duxk]

You don't understand what they are about as you try to stood up properly but it seems there's a storm thats going to fall in the city today.

You suddenly lost your balance and then you slowly fall to your doom. But as you die you look at your phone one last time.

[Adorablecutie: NIISAN, NIISAN, I FOUND THEM! I FOUND THEM!!

(mod) KingDice: and their life ends in few seconds... Damn.]

the wind seems to yell loudly in your ears as you close your eyes accepting your fate with open arms. Beside chatting with some weirdo before your death seems something nice to go too.

"I FINALLY FOUND YOU!" you heard someone yell and you open your eyes a bit to see a blurry image of red and black wings, feathers falls everywhere as a warm hand reach out to you. You wonder if your seeing an angel of death as you give one last chuckle.

"Angel of death is such a cutie..." You mumble as engulf you in a tight embrace as the two of you dive into the cold water.

Your heart stopped beating at that very moment from the shock but as life comes to an end. It starts a new as the angel of death held you tightly and swim up to the surface and fly away to a location where he can make sure your safe!

[sandyspaghettibag]

to follow up on my little string of insanity from last night (i was falling asleep in bed doing the last one skldfjlasdkjfldsakjfds) I've promised myself two things:

don't do drugs

truly love the person who takes your virginity

learn to be a good friend before doing ^ THAT

i really don't want to ever leave the person who takes it, but i know life doesn't always work like that, so i'm at least going to save it for someone i truly, truly love and trust… i mean i sure hope i'm gonna trust the person i love enough to literally put my penis into for the first time. point is: i'm not frying my brain with drugs and i'm not frying my heart with a loveless sex. i don't care if i have to wait until i'm 30. fr!!! everyone tells me "do it now you're gonna regret it later when you're too old to have fun" because THEIR lives are so sexual. i am having fun, i'm having fun getting my heart broken by the same guy over and over, stfu

honestly it's kinda badass to stay a virgin after literally being given more than one chance already. like i JUST passed the age of consent first of all, and i'm a patient ass bitch, i dunno why everyone thinks i want to immediately do orgies, like… is that a normal human thing, it doesn't sound as fun as people make it sound. (maybe i need to reevaluate my past experiences with anhedonia cause i'm really talking about gay sex parties as "boring" omg), but the IDEA is… i've been given multiple chances and i've turned them down, and apparently that's "bad". bitch i can buy a fleshlight if i want to go buck wild with sticking my dick in something, why would i be that vulnerable in front of someone i don't even know, let alone love?

btw i am NOT asexual in any way, shape, or form. i will indeed see a hot guy in target and think "damn i'd bend him over", but my thought process is that i would doll him up and buy him flowers and THEN bend him over and do absolutely filthy things to him. and it's not like it would be a turn-off to have sex without any love attached, like… it's literally sex, of course i'm not gonna get turned off, i'm human. but sex while knowing this person is likely just going to get up and go afterwards will never compare to getting kinky and crazy with someone who you love. maybe this is why i'm so weird about romance too man.

[hesperus-knox-jv]

Oh God Not You H.K.V

They could take the world from me, rip it from my grasp, they could use the jagged shards of this life to carve your name out of all that is and will ever be me and I still wouldn't surrender you to them.

Do not swoon, do not crow of our companionship; of my unyielding patience or the unwavering of my will; my darling it was never a matter of love or lust, it's always been a matter of animal depravity, a matter of you and me until Life dies and Death has naught but stale carbon to consume.

They could take my eyes, nose, flesh and bones but god damn they couldn't unstitch the parts of you from me, I do not simply love you, love is just a word, I need you, I seek you in the dark, I am weak only unto you, they couldn't strip the ink imprint of your touch from my veins even with the aid of the cosmos, they could rend me to ash but they couldn't remove you from me; not from your place behind my ribcage; not from your place between my lungs, not in the way you force life into my veins.

I hate you more than I hate who i’ve become without you but by god they'd have to undo my DNA strand by strand just to see a glimpse of you from the confines of me, you are mine the way the stars belong to the vast expanse, you are mine the way the planets belong to the sun, you are not permanent in my hold but by god I am just a lifeless rock without you to warm my skin and melt the ice of my sins into something of substance.

I see your face in nightmares and daydreams alike, dying or lying still in my arms, your eyes bore into my soul but I can't remember their color, you've got a vice grip on my soul and I've never seen or felt you beyond a midnight panic.

I don't know if you're a bundle of traumatic waste or a soulmate a million lives away but you're deep seated in me and you won't let go, you won't let the guilt stop eating me alive when another's lips meet mine, you won't let me rest when my rage is caused by jealousy and not in your defense, my love, you linger, my darling, it's you I miss, it's you I search for in every pair of eyes that match the intensity of mine.

Every racing heart, every shaking hand as it holds mine, I miss you and will mourn you until I am but ash and stardust once more, my darling girl you have me as I have an echo of you, an echo of the past or a peek into the future that bled so deeply into my being that the past is aching for it to happen already, 

my darling I pray it's so, that I have yet to love you so intensely the stars shatter at our fingertips like Achilles and Patroclus' like the myths Icarus and Apollo, like lovers long lost to the ages, my darling i'll walk the pits like Orpheus if only it meant to feel the warmth of your love. 

Whether you be Eurydices or Persephone I’ll praise you above each as I walk the length of Hades and descend into the River Styx.

I have nightmares of losing you and I don't remember having you, my psyche is threatening on a normal day but if you're truly a falsity then I'd rather be insane and in love than sane and entirely loveless, my darling there have been days I've awoken to find myself alone with bedsheets cold, throat sore, eyes dry, and mind screaming that somethings not right bug my darling when I think of you an oasis washes my demons to the pits and I wish for you to linger a bit more, 

I wish for you to walk through my door and chastise me for my arrogance in your absence, my darling I'd rather you kill me in a jealous rage than live another day with you nowhere near, 

I have this melancholic feeling of fear that one day I'll say these words and say them with my chest that the one I loved the best had loved me then left I fear having you and losing you again as much as I fear waking in the morning to an empty bed and a head full of terror and godless mischief.

I'll beg the devil to wake next to you, I'll become a die-hard Christian if god spoke and said you'd be lying next to me, my darling love I may be a hateful heretic but I'll become a priestly Saint if it meant I could kneel at your altar and worship what you are once again or for the first time, my darling this is a letter to a love I've never met but am desperate to, this is the cry of a hopeless romantic looking for love and lust and bloody good luck, I'm a sinner praying for church, I'm a Saint begging the devil for warmth, my darling if I had you I'd die before I lost you, my darling I wonder if I already have.

[terraxcloud]

Cyan’s WoR Story

Act 4, Chapter 2 - Part 2 of Opera Omnia is rather intense with the Clerra hints.

Terra says something peculiar, and since she says it with Vincent and Eiko in the scene I feel like I have to post the translation.

Terra: “But I want to believe in inevitability. My esper father and my human mother met beyond the boundaries of their world. Maybe I was born to connect the two races with this power I was struggling with...I'm ready to move forward.”  

This scene is all about finding someone to love (the whole chapter is about loving someone, tbh), so in essence, that’s what Terra’s talking about here. It’s not really clear with just this line alone, so I’ll put the line that she’s responding to below (which comes before a line by Vincent, who always portends Clerra-related storylines in DFFOO):

Chelinka: “Hmm, maybe it hasn't clicked for me yet, but someday I'll meet someone like my mom and dad, and just "know"!   But...isn't that an incredible miracle? My mom was a priestess, so she could see it, but for normal people, depending on the world's situation and position, there are times when you can't fall in love, right?”  

A few scenes later Cyan will recall his World of Ruin story...

Cyan: Yes...I once encouraged a girl who had lost the will to live after losing her lover. She looked so haggard...but when she talked about her memories of love, she looked lively and I felt relieved.

The FF6 Opera was more informative, so I just kinda ignored Cyan’s story, but it’s now time to mention it. Here’s Cyan’s letter:

Dear Lola,

I’m writing to beg for your forgiveness. I am guilty of perpetuating a terrible lie. I have only now realized the error of my ways, and taken up this quill in hopes of correcting a great wrong. Your boyfriend, who you believed to be in Mobliz, passed away some time ago. I have been writing to you in his stead. We humans have a tendency to become trapped in the past and refuse to move on. I implore you not to let this happen. Now is a time for you to look forward, and rediscover love and all of the other joys of life...

Cyan

The hint that this is “secretly” about Terra and the cut main character are the flowers surrounding the letter, since it’s clear that the “filling the world with flowers” dream was a original story element from FF6 involving Terra and the cut main character. It’s very easy to see, and I’m sure a lot of stuff in FF6 has this "missing main character storyline” rhetoric. It’s interesting that Cyan mentions the guy as being in Mobliz, since that’s where Terra’s World of Ruin story takes place and where you get the Fenrir esper, which I know was always supposed to be for Cloud (thanks to the similarities with Squall’s Griever).

At this point when FF6 was released, I don’t think they had any plans to “reunite” the main character and Terra (Square was struggling when they made FF7)...Nomura decided on that during FF7′s production as they were almost going to give Cloud a different love interest (it was an early form of Aerith). Nomura’s decision to instead put the original FF6 main character in the game as Cloud gave birth to Zack. The FF6 Opera does hint of the possibility of a reunion at the end of its translations, but the FF7 Remake makes it apparent that Terra’s not the one going to wait (”Hollow” lyrics are a good example).

This line Cyan says gives me “Loveless” vibes, and on that note, Crisis Core devs decided to specifically include the last line from Loveless’ ending (originally said by Cid at the end of OG FF7):

Went to see LOVELESS From: Kunsel

Contents:

Genesis, K.I.A? Yeah, right. Who do they think they're trying to fool? Just got back from seeing the stage production of LOVELESS in Midgar. Genesis was a big fan, wasn't he? I usually don't care for classic drama, but it was pretty damned good. The guy is the hero in the original, but the play was more from the viewpoint of the girl who helps the guy. When I heard that last line: "Of course... I'll come back to you. Even if you don't promise to wait. I'll return knowing that you'll be here." Aw, man, that's when I lost it and just started bawling. Received: After being promoted to 1st.

It’s surprising how many Final Fantasy games have this rhetoric, but it is in essence about Cloud and Terra or a product of what happened to them. Yet, despite all their hinting in a bucket-load of games, no one seems to “get the hint”.

By the way, when I put the bold over “The guy is the hero in the original”, I realized that many people take these story elements too literally. Sure, you can assume that Square-Enix is creating “new intriguing stories”, but this isn’t what’s happening. Why would they say “The guy is the hero in the original”? The original line literally came from the end of FF7 and had nothing to do with Genesis’ gibberish. It’s about Cloud and Terra, no joking, period.

[drowsycryptid]

Hello Tumblr. I am sleepy and I took night time sleep drugs and everything feels weird. My birthday was Wednesday. I haven't left the house in 3 months. I'm still looking for job so I can afford life. I think I'm gay. Or ace. I'm not sure. I am married to a human man who came out as bisexual recently. And ever since my mother decided to fucking die because she's a jerk, I have taken most of my life and put it under a microscope to discover I did a lot of things to either get the fuck away from my family or try the impossible of making them proud of me.

Most of my romantic relationships were loveless. Not my marriage. I love that man. But it's because he's always been my best friend. This marriage is more of a business situation. When I die, I know he will respect my wishes. We are that of two old women living with one another for the companionship and the conversation. It isn't conventional, no. But my mother expected me to marry a man. She expected me to provide her with grandchildren. I gave her those things.

But men are easy. I could find 3 boyfriends within the span of 2 months and I'm not even remotely physically appealing to most people. It's like shooting fish in a barrel but not feeling hungry for fish. You eat it because you feel it's necessary. But you still crave something that just hits you in a spot that makes all other food irrelevant. I don't think that will ever be sated. Because I've wedged myself in a confusing and complicated situation. I won't divorce my husband because again, I do love him. He isn't very emotionally grounded but he is very kind and gentle with me. I needed that sense of protection to grow stronger after the hellscape I very barely got away from in 2018. And he would support my relationship with someone that isn't a cishet man. Hell, he would support THAT if it was something I wanted but I think cishet men are gross. But finding someone who will accept me for all of my flaws and scars and baggage? Closing in on fucking 40 now?!

It would take a damn miracle.

[mmunson86]

Good i hope your feeling like shit i hope hell has unleashed a hangover that lasts ages go fuck your self Eddie ( i still want you tho babe🥹💗) that sour smell is probably that fish pussy you had last night! Who do you think you are baby? Like yeah i want you but you are not special babe (yeah he is i am delulu mad right now) Eddie let me tell you this once You can't have your cake and eat it too! Thats right think of us while you jack off in the shower like a desperate man who cant fucking come to his senses ! We pledge your mind but your last two working brain cells cant get it together buddy you are loosing us! Keep telling yourself you are not falling for us keep lying to yourself , thats exactly what is going to cause you to live a lonely ,loveless life where all you will do is fuck random girls who have been used up more than any metro train in NYC!

Only way youll ever taste us baby is if we allow it , but that is going to take alot of groveling , i want you to kiss our damn feet! Get on your fucking knees and beg for it tough guy, this pussy isn’t your typical easy catch ( i would fold so fast but we must stand our ground) yeah well keep “hating” everything about us and keep fucking sour puss fish smelling ran through Lany🥰 Wayne honey come beat your nephews ass because he did exactly what you told him NOT to do come back and help his last two brain cells work properly🙃

This little number? Ohh its nothing we look this nice all the time honey dont flatter yourself🤭 LMAO that even hurt my feelings, we said nah we good ! Oh god why do i feel bad for him he is the mean one not us😂

Oh what is it Eddie? you mad that James here is giving us attention? Acknowledging our existence? Wow maybe you should have never been such an ass! all we ever did was be fucking kind even when we shouldn’t have! Not Eddie making us fold! Sir we were in the shower now your in here trying to clap our cheeks? Baby stop playing games & makeup your mind!😏 Fake news or not Eddie you cant fucking use us for YOUR own pleasure ! It infuriates me how he hides his true feelings behind this fake ass “rockstar” persona ! No thanks we are no groupie you ass!😒

Keep being scared Eddie god i have never wanted to slap and fuck a man so bad at the same time🤯

Noooooo because the last couple of paragraphs DESTROYED me like! Fuck man he is so hard headed he knows he is wrong but cant seem to pull his head out of his ass! And that was so cold so fucked up i am dead ass crying my heart cant take this😭🥺😭

I love this series sooo damn much even if i keep getting my heart stomped on, i hope that this dickhead finds a way to fix it to make it better because i am down bad, but first can we make him cry? Lol just have him feel some pain , before we let him sweep us off our feet🥹💗

Me to Eddie ⬇️

PRICE OF FAME (PART 6/?)

HIII this ones a bit spicy, but buckle in, decided to take a little turn in this part so don't hate me <3

————

18+ — MINORS DNI

pairing: rockstar!eddie x journalist!reader

summary: eddie realizes his true feelings for you just a little too late

contains: enemies to lovers trope, themes of sexism/misogyny, smoking, drug and alcohol use, sexual themes, more jealous!eddie, masturbation (m), mentions of oral (f receiving), and eddie being a dick <3

word count: 4.2k

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A 4/4 kick drum is beating in Eddie’s head when he wakes up.

Eddie still hasn’t learned his lesson when trying to outdrink Jeff, so he fails every time, no matter what, because Jeff is a fucking canteen of a human. Eddie does stupid things when he gets as drunk as last night, but the good thing about being blackout drunk is you remember nothing, so there’s not much to regret and cringe about.

There’s a show tonight, and Eddie has to take Wayne to the airport, so unfortunately, Eddie can’t spend the day recovering in his bed, and he’s forced to drag himself out of bed and rinse off the sour smell of alcohol and sex from his skin.

Breakfast has definitely passed, and Eddie curses the crew for not waking him up because his stomach growls as he turns the shower on. As Eddie prepares to hop in the shower, he thinks over what little events he can remember from yesterday because why not torture himself with the embarrassment?

A particular memory doesn’t hit Eddie until he’s halfway through his shower, but god, when it does, Eddie can’t stop thinking about it. Kissing you and pressing into you so close he could’ve sworn he felt the racing beat of your heart against his chest. The feeling of you beneath his fingertips, your hips grinding down onto his with those sinful and pretty sounds falling from your lips and onto his. The taste of your skin bursting in every inch of Eddie’s mouth and the overwhelming desire for more, more, more.

Eddie can’t help it with his head pounding and spinning with the lustful memory of you. He can’t help it when his hands stop doing the job of washing his body and start roaming instead. Can’t help it when his mind starts making up all these different scenarios of him fucking you as he wraps his hand around the base of his cock, stroking up once and running his thumb over the head.

He hisses at the sensitive touch, eyes fluttering as he adjusts his grip and begins stroking himself. The shower wall is cool against his back when he shifts to lean against it, the sharp contrast of the cold wall and steaming hot water hitting his chest and rolling onto his cock, sending shivers up his spine.

Eddie lets his mind wander. He thinks about you and how he wants to pull more of those pretty sounds from you. He wants to lick into your mouth and sink his fingers into you so he can taste your moans as he plays with you. He wants to see how wet he can get you with just his fingers before you’re asking for more. He wants to unwrap you like a present and lay you down to part your thighs and sink to his knees, part your folds, and marvel at the way you drip and throb for him. And Eddie wonders if you would let him taste you. He wonders if you would let him suck pretty marks into your thighs until you’re whining and begging him to give you something. 

“What do you want, princess? Gotta tell me what you want first.” 

Eddie doesn’t even get far enough to think about sinking his cock into you before he’s cumming in spurts, white sticky ropes of cum splattering onto the shower floor as he curses and moans, chest heaving and wet hair sticking to his flushed cheeks. And Eddie’s cock is always sensitive in the morning, but he can’t seem to stop stroking himself with the image of you in his mind because fuck, he wants you, even if it’s almost painful.

And he hates that.

He hates that he wants you. Hates that he thinks about you all the way through his second orgasm— hates that he doesn’t stop thinking about you even after the fact. He hates that he thinks about you as he finishes showering and gets dressed for the day. He hates Jeff for barging in and ruining whatever could’ve happened between you two yesterday. He hates that he remembers thinking about you when he was fucking Lany into his hotel bed last night. And he hates that he can still smell her on his sheets because all Eddie wants to smell, see, hear, and touch is you. And he fucking hates it.

Yet, his chest blooms when he sees you at rehearsal. He gets that weird feeling in his chest where warmth spreads like a firework and bounces around his insides— and he gets so distracted that he fucks up a chord on the riff he was playing. No one seems to notice, so he pays no mind and keeps watching you.

And Eddie thinks about what Wayne told him this morning as they shared a quick hug before final departure, “Don’t chase that girl away, son. She’s good.”

Eddie chose not to think too hard about what Wayne meant by that.

He’s thankful he decided to wear sunglasses today because Eddie can’t seem to take his eyes off you. You look good, the way you styled your hair is different, and you’re wearing flared jeans that wrap around your ass and thighs perfectly with a fitted white top that hugs you in all the right places; Eddie, for some selfish reason, wants to believe you wore that to grab his attention. Mission accomplished.

You wander off somewhere near the end, and Eddie tries not to seem too eager when rehearsal wraps up, but he makes a beeline toward Richie and asks where you went.

Richie is too busy to ask why Eddie’s asking about you, but his questioning tone isn’t hidden when he tells Eddie you went to the snack room.

Eddie’s chest does that weird thing again when he walks into the room, fingers itching at the memory of how it felt to hold your hand. You’re standing over the snack table with your back facing Eddie when he walks up, clearing his throat to grab your attention. He frowns when you don’t turn around, but then Eddie realizes you have headphones covering your ears, so he gently taps your shoulder.

You seem startled when you turn to him, wide and pretty eyes blinking in realization as you remove your headset. “Were you saying something?” You ask.

Eddie says the first thing that comes to mind, “What are you listening to?” 

“Oh,” you blink, “Um, Cass Elliot.”

Hippie shit.

You turn around to grab water from the table, and Eddie thinks this may be a bad idea because he doesn’t even know what he wants to say to you. Usually, Eddie is the one to give short and dead responses because he can’t stand you, but for the first time since he’s met you, the roles are reversed.

“Think we can finish that interview? Before the show, maybe?” Eddie asks. And god, this is embarrassing— he needs a smoke.

You turn to him again and shrug, “Nah, I think I've got enough on everyone now. I really only need the group interview now. See you tonight!”

And then you’re gone.

And Eddie thinks, what the fuck?

This isn’t how things are supposed to go. Eddie is the snippy one, and you’re the sweet one that’s way too nice to Eddie despite his disgusting attitude and bitchy personality. 

Eddie’s bothered for the entire day, catching glimpses of you talking to band and crew members and James— fucking James. 

Eddie wants to believe what you said yesterday, “No, nothing is going on between me and James.” but does James know nothing is going on between the two of you? Because it doesn’t fucking look like he does. Not when he keeps leaning in to talk to you, or when he shares a bag of chips with you, or when he’s practically attached to your hip for the entire day.

It’s pathetic, really, the way James is fiending for every second of your attention, and it pisses Eddie off that you’re buying into it. Showtime rolls around, and Eddie does a few lines with the band to get himself amped up before stepping on stage and playing like hell. Eddie keeps his eye on you throughout the show, and he pays the price when he sees James teaching you how to use his camera, wrapping his arms around your frame and whispering instructions in your ear as you test out taking pictures of the stage. Eddie’s chest stirs with something he doesn’t quite enjoy, and it only intensifies when he sees James drop a hand to gently rest against your hip, watching as a smile stretches across your lips in excitement when you show him the picture you’d captured. 

Eddie pops a string when he sees it happen, cursing into his mic, shoving his guitar pick between his lips, and angrily removing the guitar to quickly swap it out with the spare one handed to him from the side stage. Eddie plays the rest of the show with an angry heat running through his body, and he thinks you might be doing this on purpose. Flirting around with James right in his face to make him jealous, and Eddie swears he won’t fall for whatever shitty plan this is, but fuck, do you play dirty.

You never join the band in their post-show shenanigans, but tonight, you decide to tag along for some reason— or rather, someone. 

Fucking James.

Eddie thinks he should just fire him at this rate. Get rid of the problem at the root and burn the stem so it never returns because fuck James. He makes you laugh, he’s gentle with you, and he can sweet talk like a motherfucker, and Eddie knows that because he’s been on the receiving end before— he’s well aware of James and his undeniable charm. And he can’t believe you’re falling for it.

Eddie takes endless shots, trying to blur out the distasteful sight of you pressed against James’ side in the booth, talking about god knows what. The night ends relatively early since everyone is a bit tired from the day and the longer day they have planned for tomorrow, so everybody is in their respective rooms by the time the clock strikes one in the morning. But Eddie can’t seem to fall asleep— especially not with the knowledge that James definitely didn’t go to his room but instead followed you into your room. Eddie doesn’t like that.

Eddie paces his room for some time before he breaks and finds himself knocking on your door. You don’t answer for a moment, and Eddie suddenly thinks he might be strong enough to knock down a heavy oak wood door. Maybe Eddie shouldn’t have smoked before coming here. He always swears the weed will take the edge off, but in reality, it makes him dumber and more impulsive than before, as seen a few days ago when he was right in the same position— knocking on your door at an ungodly hour of the night.

Eddie raises a hand to knock again, but he’s relieved of the job when you swing the door open in nothing but a white robe, drops of water running down the sides of your neck and dripping between the valley of your chest. Eddie wants to drink up every last drop.

“Is James in here?” Eddie asks.

And maybe Eddie shouldn’t have started with that because now you look like you want to punch him in the throat. Your eyebrows furrow as your face twists in a look of annoyance, “You seriously have a fucking problem, Eddie.” You snap. 

“Excuse me?”

“Why do you always come here in the middle of the night to ask me stupid questions?” You ask.

Eddie glances over your shoulder, scanning the room for any signs of a dark-haired and tattooed man, but he finds none and seems to find some ease in that. You step into his line of sight, raising your eyebrows questioningly, and Eddie blinks. “I thought you two weren’t a thing.” He says, and you roll your eyes.

“This again? Honestly, why do you care, Eddie?” Your tone teeters on the edge of impatience, and Eddie steps closer, the clean scent of your body wash invading his senses. “Are you?”

“No. I already told you, again, not that it’s any of your business—” “Does James know that?” He cuts you off.

You blink at Eddie in confusion, “What?”

Eddie’s getting tired of repeating himself because he knows you can hear him loud and clear, and you’re just avoiding giving him an answer. Eddie steps closer, practically inside your room and towering over you, and he can’t help it when his eyes dart to your lips and the clear view of your damp chest. “Does James know that you’re not into him?” He repeats.

You gaze up at Eddie, eyes narrowing as you repeat your question from earlier, “Why do you care?”

“You’re doing this on purpose,” Eddie grumbles, fingers curling into the palms of his hands to restrain from reaching out and touching you. And you’re making it so hard, standing there and gazing up at him with these eyes that dare him to do something— reach out, touch me, feel me.

You tilt your head as you speak, a sly grin dancing across your lips, “Don’t tell me you’re jealous.” You mock.

Eddie laughs softly and humorlessly, “Why would I be jealous of him, princess?” He hums, stepping closer once again, forcing you to step back into the entryway of your room to make room for Eddie to step in fully. His gaze falls again, and you run the tip of your tongue along your bottom lip, “Does he know what you feel like?” Eddie asks. “What I feel like?”

Eddie mindlessly shuts the door behind him, the air thickening with tension in the room as he inches a little closer. So close and yet not close enough. “Yeah. Does he know what your pretty moans sound like? Does he know how you taste, hm?”

You’re sharing breaths now, so close to one another that your lips are brushing against his as you speak, “Do you know how I taste?” You tease. Eddie hums, “Not the best part.”

He presses his lips to yours, soft moans leaving you both at the sudden contact as he finally reaches out and lets his hands roam your body. The robe you have on is thick and soft, but it’s not what Eddie wants to touch. He wants to feel the warmth of your skin and squeeze and grab at the soft and thick parts of you until you moan for more. 

You blindly stumble further into your room, lips busy moving against one another with tongues fighting for dominance. And Eddie thinks you give the most addicting kisses he’s ever had; every movement is right and sends bursts of colors behind his eyelids, sloppy and wet but so fucking good to the point where he wishes he could kiss you forever. 

“The best part?” You manage to say between kisses. Eddie hums in distracted confusion, advancing to kiss you harder as you drop onto your bed. Eddie towers over you, palms sinking into the plush material of the comforter. “What’s the best part?” You ask.

Eddie’s lips curl into a smirk, smattering kisses down your neck as his fingers dance across your robe to the loose knot holding it closed. He moves back to kiss you as he tugs on the fluffy, thick string, and you gasp against his lips when his cool fingers sneak into the open robe and skim across your warm stomach. “The best part,” Eddie begins, leaning down to nip at your jaw as his hands roam your bare skin. “The best part is what’s sitting between these pretty thighs of yours, sweetheart.” He sucks at the skin of your neck, and you mewl as his fingers squeeze at your thigh, pushing your knees apart to open you up for him.

And Eddie has every intention to fuck you right now. He’s been dreaming about what it’d be like to lick into your sweet cunt, to sink his cock in you and watch as every coherent thought melts from your brain, to make you cum over and over until you’re begging him to stop.

But suddenly, you’re pushing Eddie away, a shaky palm pressing into his chest as your thighs squeeze shut, “I-I can’t,” you shake your head, “You have a girlfriend.”

And well, this is news to Eddie. “I have a what now?”

Your lips are pouty and cute, and Eddie wants to go back to kissing you, but you’re wriggling your way out from beneath him and padding across the floor to your desk. Eddie sits on the edge of your messy bed, palming his neglected cock as he watches you grab a newspaper and walk back over to him. He tries his best not to stare at the sway of your breasts beneath your open robe or the cute little panties he gets a glimpse of, but he fails and throbs beneath the palm of his hand. You stand in front of him with a frown, handing the paper to Eddie as he gazes up at you with wide eyes and swollen lips.

Eddie isn’t sure what this is, and the only thing running through his mind is the incessant need to get off, but he humors you anyway and snatches the paper with a look of boredom. You adjust your robe back around your body and cinch it tighter than before, and Eddie mentally mourns the loss of his moment to finally see those pretty tits you’ve been teasing beneath those tight shirts of yours. He flips the newspaper upright and grazes over the page until he sees it— “Corroded Coffin lead singer, Eddie Munson, new girlfriend debut!”

It’s a blown-up picture of Eddie leaving the club, a drunken and sly smirk plastered across his lips with a pretty little redhead he likes to frequently fuck wrapped around his arm— Lany.

Summer of ‘87 Corroded Coffin went on their very first tour. It was three months long, only covered about four states, and was mostly a shitshow, but the boys were just happy to have booked an actual tour— something bigger than The Hideout. 

Groupies didn’t come around until about halfway through the tour— and look, Eddie had his fair share of men and women by that time, but it was different when they were practically throwing themselves at Eddie, and he didn’t have to work for it.

Lany was Eddie’s first groupie. Sweet and pretty with a silky smooth voice and a wicked mouth that blew Eddie’s little inexperienced mind. Lany and her group of friends tagged along with Corroded Coffin for the rest of their tour, and when Eddie asked Lany where he could find her, Lany simply responded with a sweet, “I’m never where I should be, you know that. I’ll find you when you go big.” And a kiss.

And she did. Eddie didn’t see Lany for years until their second world tour and they were now on their fifth, so it’s safe to say, Lany is a fucking veteran of a groupie.

But Lany isn’t Eddie’s girlfriend. 

Far from it, actually, and Eddie’s not sure why the paparazzi are all of a sudden interested in whatever groupies he’s fucking because they usually could care less. Nothing is interesting about Eddie Munson fucking a random girl nobody knows, so who gave them the idea that they’re not only fucking, but dating?

Despite the confusion reeling through Eddie’s mind, something else overtakes and he snickers, glancing up at you with a smug grin, “You been reading up on me, sweetheart?” He teases.

Your expression switches to one of annoyance as you snatch the newspaper out of his hands, ignoring the smirk plastered across his lips as you huff, “No, I— it came with the room service I ordered.” You fold your arms over your chest.

Eddie’s teeth dig into his lower lip as he stands up and steps toward you, tilting his head tauntingly as he speaks, “And you read it, and what? Got jealous?”

Eddie has you trapped against the edge of your desk now, and his fingers skim the warmth of your fingers as he takes the paper from your hand. “This is fake news, princess.” He says with a mocking glint in his eye. He tosses the piece onto the desk and you glance at it, a frown etched deep into your lips. 

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Eddie assures you, leaning forward to smear kisses across your jaw. You shift beneath him, finger coming up to dig into the flexing muscle of his arms as he snakes his hands around your hips, pulling you closer. “She’s at every show. And you go out together all the time.” You point out beneath a needy breath.

“Because she’s a groupie, sweetheart. She goes everywhere I go, that’s kind of the point.”

Eddie rucks you up against him, sucking another bruise into your skin and reeling at the noise you make. “That’s mean…” You mumble, and Eddie laughs against your skin. “It’s not mean if it’s the definition.” He argues.

“So what, you got jealous of a groupie? You want a chance to be my groupie, hm? That’s why you’re upset, princess?” He noses at the skin below your ear before licking the spot and smiling when you shiver against him. Then, for the second time tonight, you’re pushing Eddie away with a disgruntled look. You shake your head, trying to collect your thoughts as your chest heaves in hidden excitement from Eddie’s teasing. “I’m not— I’m not some groupie, Eddie.”

And Eddie looks at you like you’ve just said the sky is blue, “I’m a journalist. I came here to work and you…” You pause and blink at Eddie as if thinking over your following words, “You’re just getting in the way.”

And Eddie doesn’t like that. He doesn’t like the way it sounds or the way you said it or the way it makes him feel. He hates it.

“Getting in the way?”

“Yes, Eddie, you’re getting in the way,” You snap, irritation heavy within your tone. “I’ve been patient with you this entire time, but you just— you’re such a fucking asshole. I mean— none of this should be happening— this,” you gesture between the two of you, “shouldn’t be happening.”

Eddie’s face pinches in defense, “Nothing is happening here, birdie.”

And you scoff, shaking your head as you speak, “Then why are you here, Eddie?”

And this is the first time either of you has pointed out the obvious mix of feelings stirring between you both, and it makes Eddie’s skin run cold— because he doesn’t know. He doesn’t know why he’s here. He doesn’t know why your words are upsetting him. He doesn’t know why he hates it when James is around you. He doesn’t know why every time he thinks of you or sees you he gets that warm rush in his chest— he just knows it’s there. 

And it scares Eddie. It scares Eddie to realize that he was wrong about you, to realize that you aren’t all those mean things he said about you, to realize that maybe he likes you a lot more than he’d like to admit. It scares him.

Eddie shakes his head like the words are in there but can’t seem to say them, and he hates it. He hates feeling this way. He hates knowing that he fucked this up way worse than he’d thought because you’re looking at him like you never want to see him again. And you have every right. Because Eddie has put you through more than enough, and honestly speaking, there isn’t a single way Eddie sees this turning in his favor. He’s ruined everything before anything could even happen.

And Eddie hates that.

Your arms slink around your body to protectively shield your frame, and Eddie can visibly see you shrinking into yourself, and he can’t believe he’s the reason why. It hits Eddie like a fucking freight train. All the weeks of tormenting and mean games Eddie has played with you, it’s all bullshit. It was Eddie’s way of protecting himself, and in the end, he only ended up hurting the most delicate and kind person he thinks he’s ever met.

“I think you should go.” You softly say.

And you can’t even look Eddie in the eyes, and Eddie wants to scream. He wants to pull you in, spew out apologies, and beg for any sliver of forgiveness you can give, but you— you’re too far gone. Eddie pushed you off the ledge and watched you drift away, only to cast a rope at the last second. But Eddie’s rope is too short, and you’re gone.

Still, even though Eddie knows he’s done enough damage, his pride wins him over, and on his way out, he turns to say his last piece, “You know, everything was fine until you came along. This is exactly why I didn’t want you here.”

And you both know what he’s talking about. The mixed feelings and the drama— all of it. None of it would’ve happened if you never came along, and even if Eddie thinks he wishes you never happened, he knows he feels the opposite. You both know it.

And if Eddie sees the tiny glimpse of you wiping at your face, he doesn’t mention it. He only leaves you with his words and the slamming of the door.

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part seven

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a/n: HELLO U MADE IT TO THE END! I HOPE THE GIRLIES ARENT TOO MAD W ME, IK EVERYONE WANTED READER TO HAVE HER MOMENT SO WE GOT A LITTLE SNIPPET OF IT HERE BUT ITS ONLY THE BEGINNINGGG !! as always, thank u for making it to the end and i always love to hear how you feel about it !! <3

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[journalofsorts2]

i hate the saying 'you have to love yourself before others can love you'. i hate it so much. i hate it because if it's true then what do i do? am i the reason no one's ever loved me? because i've hated myself from such a little age, does that mean i've damned myself to a loveless life? am i really going to spend this existence alone just because i'm too stupid to love myself? i'm trying, i swear i'm trying. when i look in the mirror i try to love what i see. i try so hard to not get stuck on the little things. i try so hard to love that man i see in the mirror. and sometimes, for a brief moment, i forget that it's me i'm staring at. and for a brief moment i can see how handsome he really is. but that moment always fades so quickly. then i'm reminded that it's me i'm staring at, and there really is no one uglier than me. and i try so hard to love who i am. i really do. i try so hard to love myself for the little things i do. i try to love myself because of how caring i am towards my cat, or how endearing it is when i end up rambling about something i'm passionate about, or how i always wear a hat even though i like my hair. but then i remember that it's me who acts like this, and i remember how there's no greater crime then being me. and i'm always afraid of what someone would think if they saw me thinking these things. i'm afraid that someone would stumble upon my thoughts in these moments. i'm afraid they'll think i'm self absorbed and narcissistic. i'm afraid they'll laugh at me for thinking so highly of this wretched creature. i'm afraid of someone confirming what i already know, i'm afraid they'll speak of me the way i speak of me. so i can't love myself. i am incapable of self love. i don't deserve love in any form so it makes sense that i'm unable to love myself. i think, that if i think these things, if i tell myself these words, if i convince myself of how awful i am, that it'll ease the blow when someone else does it for me. i think that i've been preparing myself for these words. i heard people speak of me like this from such a young age that i convinced myself it was true and i started teaching myself to believe these things. i started to believe from such a young age that i was truly the worst thing to come from this earth. i was able to convince myself that every second i existed i was subjecting everyone and everything around me to horrendous torture. why is this the life that i live? why can't i be loved? why couldn't i grow up around people who loved me? why was it so hard to love me? why was it so hard to want my existence to continue? why am i me? why can't i be someone who is loved? why can't i be someone who is worthy of love?

[the-moon-loves-the-sea]

I think Jack and Badminton explain each other.

They have exactly the same effect on Ed and Stede. They make them unknow themselves. And they can do that because Ed and Stede have only recently begun to know themselves when they’re loving and loved. They’ve only just glimpsed who they can be.

I can’t believe Ed when he says This is who I am, Stede. Can you see me now? No more than I can believe Stede saying I think you’re right. I know you are when Badminton calls him a plague. They both, in the presence of these bullies, feel found out. Undeserving. Like they’ll never be more than monsters.

And on top of that both of them are made to feel they’ve forgotten the people they really owe. Jack says Ed’s beholden to him for saving his life; Badminton says Stede’s family has been ruined by him. It breaks them both down; makes them think they don’t deserve to hold on to what they’ve found in each other. Could never have expected to keep it. That they’ve forgotten “their own people.”

Both Jack and Badminton knew them when they were young and in pain. Both of them can trigger that younger state of mind in them. Both of them mistake that for knowing them better, knowing the “real” Ed and Stede. They call them destroyers, inhuman. Jack says it mock-admiringly, to shame Ed — this murderous maniac. Bandminton says it furiously, to damn Stede — you defile beautiful things.

(Both of them mean “You’ll never deserve him.”)

Both of them knew Ed and Stede when they were unprotected and bullied and broken down (Hornigold scarcely crueler than the imperial pecking order of the boarding school). The Ed and Stede they knew had been in survival mode: Ed reckless with loveless sex and violence and pain, just to get respect, to feel anything other than fear; Stede, tearful, silent, shrinking yearly, unable to grow his courage alone.

Both Ed and Stede believe what Jack and Badminton say, for a little while. This is who I am, Ed says. I think you’re right, Stede says. And then they run. They don’t they could mean much to each other. They don’t think they’ll be missed. They don’t know they could be someone’s safety, someone’s home.

But both of them, as soon as they’re away from each other with “their own” people, realize they’ve changed. They’ve found more in themselves than these people know. Ed’s found his softness and Stede his strength. They can’t unlearn that. They realize it was real.

They don’t belong where they’d started anymore. Really, they never had — that’s why it had hurt so much, being who they’d had to be before. Stede was never meant to be the heartless head of a “civilized” imperial household. Ed was never meant to be a ship-burning, animal-baiting pain-seeker. They just hadn’t found anything more real to live by. Anyone who would stand by them while they learned their hearts. And now they have — Ed’s found a real friend; Stede a real love.

That’s how they know for sure that Jack and Badminton don’t know them. Don’t know reality, not the whole of it. Ed and Stede have loved and been loved now; that memory saves them. Sends them back to each other, ready to fight. I miss Ed’s Better alive than dead! joy when he’s finally dismissed Jack and found himself again, the Ed who could give everything for a kiss and future. I hope Stede’s newfound I think we’ll all be great surety can bring that joy back.

[kiillerqueen]

❝ Don't take this the wrong way but when did you all of a sudden decide to act all mature and focus on marriage? I am pretty sure the last time we spoke you weren't exactly all into the idea. Gwen I honestly don't know if I am ready to just be kissing my brother's ass and definitely not sure about Violet's. ❞ Amelia knows that her best friend is right about the fact that it is time that they grow up and focus on what life will be like as wives. Fem is taking in each thing that her best friend is saying knowing once again that Gwen is right about what she needs to do to try and make things work with Luis or else both are going to be stuck living a miserable life together. ❝ Of course I am going to give it a shot. Do you really think that I want to be in a loveless marriage? I understand that I need to get over Mason , but you're acting like I should just get over him like he meant nothing to me. ❞ Amelia herself is beginning to become upset with her best friend for questioning her about her intentions with Luis when she knew damn well that she was going to need to make sure to put in all the effort she needed to do make sure that her marriage is successful. ❝ Oh come on Gwen we both know that I can be a bitch and not exactly not liked by many people. What if Luis wanted a different kind of woman as a wife? ❞ Her whole life she had spent being told how shitty of a person she is and she knows that it can play an affect on things being terrible between the two. Of course she should have known better than to throw her best friend's relationship under the bus like she had , but in the moment she is allowing her frustration to get the best of her. ❝ I don't think that I am better than you because I am engaged , Gwen. I never once asked to be in this position. ❞ Moments like this is exactly what Mason had spoke about of her using her words before allowing her brain to process what she is about to do or say. ❝ Are you being serious right now? You're pissed at me for making the remark that it isn't my issue that Lincoln hasn't asked you. ❞

❝ Um, I don't know, maybe make your life easier? I don't know why you're so confused about this when it's obvous. We have to be on our best behavior now. We can't fall back on the fact that we're young and dumb anymore when we're wives. We have a responsibility to our family and sometimes that means playing nice to get what you want. ❞ Almost baffled by the Amelia's ignorance. Gwen preferred to tell the truth, but not everyone deserved to hear it. The truth could also make you look back if you aren't strategic about it. ❝ Are you at least giving him a shot? Worrying about whatever the hell Mason is doing isn't going to help you get along with your fiance. Spend some time with him, get to know his likes, and even play along if you don't understand. You can't treat him with caution. I know you like things being a bit toxic, but trying to play adversy might set you up for failure with him. ❞ Taking a moment to think about the situation. She doubted they could even get divorced easily since they were arranged. ❝ Make yourself likeable? I don't understand what you're nervous about. ❞ It's almost like Amelia didn't know how to be nice to a guy.

❝ Well that's a good thing, ❞ she noted. Gwen is glad Amelia's husband seemed decent enough to treat her kindly on their first meeting. She continued to listen to her words until the not-so-subtle dig she threw towards Lincoln. ❝ Excuse me— ❞ putting a hand up to pause their conversation, ❝ First of all, I'm not judging you about your worry. I'm trying to help you because I think that it's solvable. Secondly, you have some fucking nerve trying to throw my relationship under the bus just because all of a sudden you're in a "better" position than me now that you're engaged. ❞ Gwen huffed, enraged at the audicity. Sometimes it felt like Amelia wasn't even being a supportive friend when she threw constant digs at her. Picking up her things, she decided she was done with this conversation. ❝ It's like your default to put people down because you feel like shit— Maybe you are right— Maybe you should be worried about your marriage, considering you don't even know how to be nice to the one person who is on your team right now. Since marriage has suddenly opened your third eye and made you a better person, you can figure out this shit yourself. ❞ // @kiillerqueen

[chateautae]

maybe i do | kth. I

➵ summary :  maybe you love each other, maybe you don’t. when a deal between your fathers leaves you forcefully wedding kim taehyung, arguably seoul’s most powerful CEO, you’re prepared for a loveless marriage of eternal regret and unhappiness. but maybe, it doesn’t turn out that way after all.

↳  part of the high-class series!

➵ pairing : taehyung x reader

➵ genre :  arranged marriage!au, ceo!tae, s2l!au, eventual smut, fluff, angst 

➵ rating : 18+

➵ word count : 11k

➵ warnings : swearing, alcohol consumption, anxiety, lots of feels about marriage, a stupid ex (reader’s), mentions of bad sexual experiences with ex (there’s consent, just bad sex that makes the reader feel shitty), does ceo tae count as a warning? 

➵ a/n: hello my first fic of my favourite trope arranged marriage, AND with kim taehyung?? yes pls !! this will be a series and I’ll be actively working on it so you don’t have to wait too long for chapters, i hope you can follow this series with me <33

chapter one : “my forever’s falling down”  

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“Another one, Father? I thought I told you my secretary would be handling marriage profiles from now on. Stop concerning yourself with who I marry.” 

“But I do, son. Trust me, I know this girl, she’s the daughter of a trusted friend and I think she’s a good match.” 

“Father, everyone you choose for me I dislike and it’s distracting me from my work. I don’t need this right now.” 

“She’s different, Taehyung. I personally know her and I’m certain you won’t say no.” 

“And why is that?” 

“There’s something about her you won’t refuse, son, you’ll notice it when you meet her.” 

“I don’t want to meet her, Father. Like I said, I need to work.” 

“I just knew you’d act this way. Want to know something, son? I’ve made her part of a business deal, you can’t back out of this.”

“What? You made her part of a business deal?! Why would you-”

“Because you wouldn’t have given her a chance otherwise, you haven’t been giving anyone a chance since I’ve been setting up potential partners for you and I’m sick of it. You said you were open to an arranged marriage, where’s that attitude now?”

“Because, Father, I have a company to run and that’s-”

“No. I will not allow you to reduce your life to just this company. There are far more enjoyable things in life than a business.”

“But Father-”

“No, Taehyung. One thing you need to learn is balance. If you don’t give anyone or anything a chance you will live a lonely life behind your desk. Even in this cutthroat world of business where you can lose money or be betrayed by anyone at any moment, the most painful thing to suffer is loneliness, and I won’t let you live in this world alone.”

“Dad-”

“You will meet this girl, Taehyung, end of discussion.” 

“Dad! I told you I want nothing to do with your company, how could you let me get dragged into this?!” 

“Y/N-ie, I know you value the life you have without any of my help, but let me help just this once, especially with finding a husband. I’m being offered the deal of a lifetime and I can’t refuse, he just happens to be part of it. I need this for the company, please.”

“But Dad, I don’t even know him. And if he’s the CEO of some rich company he’s probably an asshole, I’m not doing this.” 

“Y/N-ie, trust me, I know his son. He’s a sincere, hard-working man, I promise.”

“Yeah, right. Even if that’s the case, I still don’t know him, let alone love him, Dad. How can you make me marry someone I don’t love?”

“Because you can learn to love him. There are no rules concerning the way two people should fall in love, love doesn’t always need to come first.”

“But Dad-”

“My daughter, I have not asked you for many things in my life, but this is one thing I must ask of you. Please, just meet him, don’t say no without even trying.”

“Dad, I don’t know-”

“Please, Y.N, do it for me. If not for the company or money, please do it for me.”

And here you were, fidgeting with the tips of your nails, tuning in and out of the present world and overthinking every aspect of your life that somehow lead you to this moment. Sitting on a Leather Italia couch in what was described to be Mr. Kim’s study; listening to your father’s incessant, albeit wholesome chatter next to you with your future in-laws across. 

And next to them was their suave, unreadable son sitting in a relaxed manner, flipping his attention between your fathers’ conversation and anything else in the room.

You on the other hand, were utterly high strung due to the fact that your father failed to mention your future fiancé’s identity until 30 minutes before arriving here, having done a quick search in the car to unveil who he exactly was.

And that’s when it hit you. You weren’t marrying just anyone, you were getting married to Kim Taehyung. The infamous CEO of Kim Enterprises—Korea’s largest software development and manufacturing company, rivaling to be one of the largest in the world. He was part of Seoul’s most prestigious circle of businessmen, having made multiple Forbes international lists of Most Successful, Youngest, Richest, and is even one of Korea’s most eligible bachelors, not just Seoul.

If this wasn’t already taking you out, then it was definitely the fact that his photos through a measly Google search did him absolutely, utterly and completely no justice. They simply could never capture the truth of just how handsome Kim Taehyung was in real life. You couldn’t deny it, he wasn’t just good-looking, he was stunning, gorgeous, seemed as though God had created the universe, heaven and hell in 6 days and left the 7th just to create him. 

He was like a work of art, worthy of being placed in the finest of museums and left untouched, unsodden by the ugliness of humanity. It made you feel extremely inferior to him in an instant. It was sickening, he was sickening, intoxicating, and quite frankly, intimidating.

It was his look, his undivided stare when he eventually settled his sight on you. It didn’t matter his dark hair that landed and perfectly curled above his eyes, the way he occasionally licked his plush lips or how his long, tall legs spread out before him, it was his look that made you want to turn tail and run.  

It seemed to reach into your soul, peer straight through whatever façade, walls or defense mechanisms you could spend years building only to have his simple look tear it down in minutes. He was alluring, captivating, left you wanting to cower into whatever hole you could dig yourself into or discover all the secrets he hid behind those enchanting eyes.

Kim Taehyung was many things you couldn’t quite wrap your head around, though you assessed your priorities and decided they didn’t just include him, but mainly the significance of the current meeting taking place right now. 

It wasn’t a mere one-time business deal to discuss a project, it was a meeting that entailed the partnership of both your family companies and would define the next however many years of your life. More specifically, spending it with the exact same man that looked at you without a single readable expression on his face. 

You distracted yourself by trying to observe as many useless things as you could, flitting around the room many times before suddenly glancing at Taehyung’s index finger coming up to rest against his lips.

You zeroed your vision in more. 

Is that a cut on his finger?

“Jae-in, of course! This is just as important to me as it is to you, your son is a remarkable CEO, and I’m sure he’ll make an amazing husband.” 

“Aish, Namhyun, you flatter me too much. My son may be handsome, though your daughter is even more beautiful. I’m very sure she will make a wonderful wife.”

“Yes, Namhyun, your daughter is absolutely gorgeous! Just as gorgeous as her mother. I know she wasn’t able to make it, though may I ask where your wife is tonight?” 

“Ah, unfortunately, she’s out of the country. Though I was hoping my presence would be enough to fill in for her, am I doing a bad job?” 

Laughter erupted from the parents in the room, meanwhile, Taehyung couldn’t help but notice the way you immediately winced at the mention of your mother. Something he definitely wouldn’t miss with the way he found himself examining your every move. 

It was habitual to him, something born out of his roots in business, only for the purpose of calculating and reading people like an open book. 

He knew you’d also become victim to that habit, though oddly enough, he found himself quite interested in observing you. He had already figured you out; you hated business, there was a clear disconnection between yourself and your father’s company and you reeked of a sense of independence that funnily contradicted the antsy way you bounced your leg. 

Your way of speech, however, mannerisms, gestures, your look; it was all professional enough you clearly have some sort of background in business. You seemed like an heiress to Taehyung, which you were, though you oddly had no interest in business?   

All these details piqued his interest, curious of just who you exactly were, but he was mainly intrigued by the mysterious claim his father made upon mentioning you for the first time. 

���There’s something about her you won’t refuse.’

That had raked Taehyung’s brain consistently for the past hour now, crossing his legs loosely and his arms folded over his chest, contemplating over and over again as he looked at you, what’s so damn special about her? 

‘You’ll notice it when you meet her,’ the words rang in his ears.

That was the driving force behind his calculation, observation, near inability to take his eyes off of you as he learned new things nearly every minute and led him closer to understanding his father.  

He could tell you were an anxious person, though hid it behind a persona of false confidence. You had a tendency to stick close to your father despite observing you don’t rely on him for much of anything, even less your mother. The softness behind your every movement despite being from a business background where you should be harsh, rigid, rough around the edges, and yet you seemed entirely different.

Taehyung then realized how inherently dissimilar you were to many of the other women he met. They were all relatively of the same cut and look. Cold, sharp, cunning. All women of pure business; daughters, granddaughters or straight CEOs of wealthy companies, simply interested in marriage as a deal or an advantage rather than a commitment. 

And there was absolutely nothing wrong with that. Taehyung was a man of business himself, married to his work, his home behind a desk and the company the only thought occupying his mind 24/7.

But with you, you were interesting, unlike the others and it made him curious.

Taehyung also couldn’t help but notice you were...pretty. You weren’t too overly sexy nor too innocent, you were pretty. There was an elegance to your looks, features like your hair and eyes complementing you as a whole, and he couldn’t miss that you felt oddly...warm.

Taehyung found himself beginning to understand his father’s original viewpoint, considering the possibility he could’ve been correct. 

You just seemed different. 

“Ah, that seems to be everything. Exact details about the wedding have already been put in place by us.”

“Yes! We’ve been waiting for our TaeTae to get married for so long. We’ve had plans for months now and we can finally move forward with them! You and Y/N don’t need to worry about anything!” 

“Mom, did you really just call me that in front of my future fiancé?” 

“Oh, let it go, son. It won't be long before she calls you that, too!” 

Taehyung could only playfully roll his eyes at his overly excited mother, you scrunching your nose at the embarrassment.

“That’s incredibly generous of you, Mr. and Mrs. Kim, though my conscience is not one to let such things go. My family should contribute to the wedding in some way. Y/N and I would be happy to do so.”

“Why don’t we discuss that outside? I believe we should give the future couple some time alone, shall we?” 

You and Taehyung exchanged a quick look before standing up and respectively addressing either’s parents, Taehyung shutting the door behind them once they exited and having turned to look at you, an awkward silence piercing the air. 

There it was again, his look. It was irrefutably the one reason you avoided eye contact with him, you felt he would swallow you up if you shared even 5 seconds between each other.

“So...” Taehyung suddenly broke the ice, eyeing you.

“So...” 

“Marriage, huh?” 

“Yeah, marriage. Never done that one before.” If there wasn’t a time you vehemently hated yourself, then it was undoubtedly now. You internally facepalmed at your dumb comment, adding a laugh at the end in embarrassment only to look away. 

“Uh..yeah.” Taehyung laughed awkwardly. “Me neither, if you didn’t already know.” He tucked his hands into his pockets and looked away, you fidgeting by the couches everyone previously occupied. 

A beat of silence passed as you both exchanged looks between objects in the room and each other, either of you pursing your lips or blowing light raspberries to cut the awkwardness. 

“I wanted to ask you something.” 

“Hm?” You turned towards him, lips just a pout as your doe-eyes awaited him. 

Taehyung didn’t miss that at all. 

“Um, your mother. I apologize if this is intrusive of me, though I couldn’t help but notice I’ve never actually met her. May I ask where she is?” 

You let out a dry chuckle before answering, another detail that didn’t slip Taehyung’s attention. “Trust me, Taehyung, one thing you’ll never have to worry about during this entire ordeal is my mother. She should be the last thing on your mind.” You assured him with what he could tell was your fakest smile, distracting him from the realization you’d said his name for the first time.

“Are you sure? I’ll be meeting her at the wedding so-”

“You won’t. I don’t think you will. Even if she does make it, it takes very little to impress her, just be yourself and she’ll love you.” You stated with a sense of finality, as though the topic should be dropped. 

“Be myself? I’m one of the best businessmen in Korea. It’s my job to get people to like me, easy stuff.” He casually gloated. 

“You don’t only have to be a businessman to do that,” you paused and looked at him, “you can just be Kim Taehyung, too.” You spoke nonchalantly, eyes lingering with his for longer than 5 seconds and he, in fact, had not swallowed you yet. 

Taehyung instantly furrowed his eyebrows, taken aback as if your suggestion was something outlandish, absurd, maybe even offending.

Nobody has ever said such a thing to him, not throughout the entirety of his life. 

Taehyung tried his best to recover, searching for another topic of conversation before he was cut off by your rather soft voice, he noticed. 

“Oh, I wanted to give you this.” You stepped towards him, reaching into your purse and retrieving something Taehyung couldn’t quite see. You strided over and extended your hand, Taehyung finding himself even more confused.

“A bandage?” 

“Mhm. For the cut on your finger. You should probably clean it and apply something before putting this on.” You stated nonchalantly once again, offering him a small smile whilst holding out the bandage. 

“Uh...” Taehyung started but couldn’t complete his sentence, lost on how you even observed something as small as his cut and spoke of treating it like it was an actual injury.  

After his struggle to form a sentence, you grew bold enough to gently remove his hand from his pocket and place the bandage in his palm, looking back up at him. You shared a momentary look with his chocolate eyes, instantly scrambling after realizing your hand was still in his.

He has really big hands. 

“We should um...probably go.” You avoided his eyes, stepping aside quickly to pull the door open.

Taehyung’s mind felt displaced, eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the fact that someone had actually left him with nothing to say, an extremely rare occurrence in his book.

He was even more displaced looking at the measly wrapper in his hand, then at the cut on the side of his finger, playing through the last 5 minutes of what just happened.

He scoffed to himself.

‘There’s something about her you won’t refuse.’

It had been 3 weeks since that meeting, not having seen Taehyung once as you wasted your time enjoying single life luxuries before you prepared for one of marriage.

It still felt odd to say such a thing, marriage, because it didn’t even feel like one, or a real one at that. It was forced, fake, a pressured one out of convenience. It felt more like a deal, something Taehyung and yourself had to settle for in order to keep your parents’ minds at ease.

That thought racked your brain all those 3 weeks; Taehyung had to settle for you, he didn’t choose you, just as much as you settled for him and didn’t choose him either. You both had ultimately agreed to the marriage only in an effort to optimize your parents’ happiness, not your own.

You had no clue how he felt, a mystery as much as the Bermuda Triangle, knowing he most certainly had a grand pick of women to choose from and you were most definitely his worst option.

You knew you were suddenly dumped on him, leaving him no choice in the matter as you learned your marriage entailed a beneficial business deal between your fathers’ companies, and Taehyung couldn’t really refuse you with so much on the line.

You had already felt inferior to Taehyung since the moment you met him, though your insecurities seeped further into the crevices of your doubtful mind the more you thought over that sad fact, contemplating a married life with him. In your opinion you were pretty much undesirable to him, Taehyung probably kicking himself knowing he had to unwillingly call you his wife for the rest of his life. 

You just knew you weren’t good enough for him, you would never measure up no matter how hard you’d try and that utterly terrified you. You were confident and independent when it came to yourself, though wedding a near perfect being regarded as one of Seoul’s finest in terms of a CEO and a man? 

Confidence be damned, this dude was intimidating. 

These were the feelings that swarmed your head as you sulked at your over-the-top engagement party, set up in a prestigious buildings’ gorgeous 37th floor riddled with baroque styling and embellishments, classical music gracing some of Seoul’s wealthiest patrons as their flutes clinked and snobby chatter filled the hall. 

It was all extremely high-status, reeking of upper class supremacy and quite frankly, it made you want to throw up.

You distracted yourself by bringing any and all types of alcohol to your lips, trying to focus on anything but your daunting thoughts.

The entire night you hadn’t talked to Taehyung, both of you having been too occupied with the numerous amounts of people meeting and congratulating you. This became a genuine nuisance as you’d mentioned before, this marriage was of convenience, one that brought families and companies together merrily and constituted hundreds of people attending your engagement party you didn’t really know.

Your friends were excited, over-the-moon you bagged a man like Taehyung and chastised you for not having told them about your engagement to him earlier. Your relatives similarly scolded you, pinching your cheeks and praising Taehyung like he was a God while they scrunched their noses at you for concealing him.

How could I tell you when I didn’t even know myself?, you thought.

It was funny they praised your ‘choice’ of a fiancé, positive nobody was saying the same to Taehyung without at least lying. The public only knew of you as your father’s daughter, never having seen you due to your vehement absence from anything remotely related to his company, and much of the business world in general. 

You weren’t part of that world, a world of greed and money-driven lunatics. It just wasn't you. It never suited you, left you with a bad taste in your mouth you constantly grimaced at and thought maybe you were the insane one for not understanding its flavour. As you grew older, however, you came to realize it simply wasn’t the path meant for you, someone who valued the independence and achievement of earning something for yourself, by yourself.

Ever since the inception of that principal, your young teenage self resolved you didn’t want to rely on your father’s wealth, especially not his influence or power to achieve your own place in life.

Your father had worked determinedly hard for years in order to stand as high he does now, warranting your acute admiration for your role model of a father, his now successful architecture business landing him a few buildings part of the Seoul skyline.

And after finally achieving his dream, it suddenly morphed into your own aspiration. His hard work drove you to want your own design part of Seoul’s breathtaking scenery as well, by means of your own effort, your own hard work. You didn’t want your father’s help. It felt wrong, like you were cheating if you used him to gain your place and so you condemned your life to one that separated yours and his. 

So you lived, worked and earned money without any of his influence.

You worked for an average architecture company where you felt comfortable, happy that you were away from the suffocating high-status business of your family. And although your detachment left your identity a mystery to many, your situation on the other hand was an extremely infamous one.

‘The-runaway-heiress’, was your staple trademark. The judgmental comments about your choice of life and the insults it warranted were never-ending, subjected to that criticism all your life.

There was no doubt Taehyung was hearing all of that, people probably warning him to step out of the marriage before it was too late. You weren’t like Taehyung, who was perfect, desirable, someone everyone either wanted or wanted to be. It left you glad and quite frankly, proud to be wedding a man of such caliber and incredibility, though left you wondering why in God’s name he would ever agree to marry someone like you; average, average and well, average.

“That’s your 5th shot, Y/N, slow the fuck down.” Your best friend Hana’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts, snatching the shot glass from your grasp. “It wouldn’t be cool if you were trashed at your own party, dummy.” 

Her sudden appearance brought a smile to your face. “I know, I just don’t feel well.” You sighed by the counter of the bar, seated atop a stool as you circled an empty shot glass mindlessly. 

“I get you, there’s like, hundreds of people here and you’re probably hearing a lot of different shit.” Hana appealed to you, having read your emotions like an open book. “Speaking of people, I wanted to ask, what’s up with Taehyung and his stare?”

You stifled a snort, looking at Hana’s incredulous face. “It’s just a habit of his. He stares at everyone.”

“Okay... sure, but I didn’t mean everyone, I meant you.” Hana emphasized, comically pointing.

You furrowed your eyebrows at her, arm leaning against the bar’s counter as you questioned, “What do you mean?”

“He doesn’t really stop staring at you, which is kinda weird. Unless you like that, I don’t judge people’s kinks.” Hana mockingly held her hands up in surrender, gauging a reaction out of you. 

You instantly grimaced, “It’s not a kink, Hana. Nice joke by the way, wanna sign up for SNL with that one?”

“I’m serious! I’ve been catching him just looking at you and I don’t know if it’s weird or hot.” Hana informed as you became more puzzled, her becoming oddly excited, “Awh, maybe he’s concerned with how much you keep drinking! That’s so romantic.” She chimed, looking off into the distance dreamily.

“Shut the fuck up, he wouldn’t do that.” You smacked her arm, snatching your shot glass back from her. “Besides, you’re one of the rare people who knows this marriage is fake, you know he doesn’t care.”

“Jheez, way to kill romance?” Hana rolled her eyes, smacking your arm in rebuttal before continuing. “I’m serious, though. This may be fake but he really does keep looking at you, and I don’t know what it means.” Hana speculated, contorting her lips as if in thought.

“It means nothing, Hana. You’re just seeing things.”

“Then why has he been staring at you depressed by the bar for the last half an hour?”

You nearly spit out your drink, “What?”

“Are you clueless or just dumb? He’s been talking to someone for 30 minutes but most of the time he’s been looking at you, and he still is, how haven’t you noticed?”

You creased your eyebrows in surprise as you slowly lowered your shot glass. You turned away from Hana to scan the small crowds of people mingling, eating, drinking in the hall.

You searched the room, drink still in hand until your eyes caught tall, dark and handsome in his finely pressed suit, casually standing with a drink in his hand by a table speaking to someone. You nearly jumped when your eyes locked with Taehyung’s, every cell in your body caught off guard.

What made your heart specifically race was the way he didn’t even look away from you. He held your gaze, casually conversing with the person in front of him, eyeing you until he finally cracked a small smirk before turning back to his companion.

Your eyebrows practically shot up to the sky.

“See, weird or hot? Am I even allowed to say hot?” Hana blurted as she reveled in your reaction. “And you really thought I was joking. You don’t believe anything I say, I could tell you the world’s ending and you wouldn’t believe me. I could tell you aliens finally invaded the planet and you wouldn’t believe me until the green motherfuckers knocked on your door themselves and-”

“Hana, shut the fuck up.” You cut her off abruptly and made a face at her. “Why did you even come here?”

“Grumpy, aren’t we?” She flashed you a sarcastic look before sighing. “Your dad wanted me to find you. You and Taehyung have to meet someone important, so you should stop drinking like an alcoholic, dumbass.” Hana informed hastily as she grabbed the shot glass from you and downed it herself.

“Your dad’s by the entrance, go before he gets mad!” She shooed you away, pushing you up until you whisper-yelled and smacked at her to let you go. 

You began stepping towards the entrance, smoothing over your dress and this was the moment you realized you may have drank a little too much. You were quick to reprimand yourself, cursing your unprofessional behavior as your inner equilibrium became slightly woozy, senses drowning out a bit, every sound hazed over with a buzz in your veins.

You sucked in a breath to pull yourself together, knowing your dad valued this person enough you and Taehyung had to meet them together. 

Taehyung.

You decided to glance in his direction, lips pursing seeing he wasn’t in his previous spot. You chose to ignore it, walking along until you felt a looming presence behind you, almost having time to acknowledge it before a hand suddenly touched the small of your back. 

“Looking for me?”

You nearly squealed, jumping with a hand ready to punish before calming down at the sight of Taehyung, sighing with relief. “Jheez, could you use my name? I thought you were a stranger.” 

“Well, hello to you too.” Taehyung quipped sarcastically. “And why would a stranger touch your back? Of course it’d be the only man in this room marrying you.” Taehyung narrowly eyed you, scrutinizing your reaction with his hand still pressed to you.

“People do a lot of whatever the hell they want, Taehyung.” You responded turning away from him, heels clacking as you continued to pace towards where your father stood. “W-why’d you do that, anyway?” 

Taehyung furrowed his eyebrows. “Because we’re engaged?”

“It’s not real, though.”

“It’s as real as it gets.” Taehyung finalized, making it a statement to smile at everyone you passed, to which you realized just how many pairs of eyes glued themselves to you. “This may not feel like a real marriage to us, but to the rest of the world it is.” 

He then suddenly leaned himself down to your height and lowered his tone, breath just ghosting your ear. “Y/N, we have to make this seem real, it’s the only way we’ll survive.” Taehyung was the closest he’s ever been to you, and the deep baritone of his voice as he called your name did absolutely nothing but manifest butterflies in your chest. 

Why was his voice so deep?

You shook the thought out of your head, ultimately choosing not to say anything because he was in fact, correct. You grinned widely continuing to mask the truth of your arrangements, leaning into him more as you settled for his hand on your back.

You’d noticed it before, but his hand felt particularly large against you now that he was so close. You glanced at his other hand resting by his side, impressed by how masculine they appeared; long fingers with running veins and a roughness to them, sculpted so well you were sure they deserved to be referred to as art. It tickled your giddy side for a second when they seemed to perfectly contrast your more feminine and smaller hands. 

It was kinda cute. 

You neglected your thoughts once you neared your father, warm-heartedly conversing with a well-dressed man you just about recognized. 

“Ah, there you both are!” Your father cheered, reaching out his arm so he could envelop you in a side-hug, returning Taehyung’s bow and addressment.  

“Dad, I heard you wanted us to meet someone?” You perked up in a superficial tone, at least attempting to act as though everything was fine and dandy in your life; maybe owing it to the alcohol to endure all the falsehoods.

“Yes, Y/N-ie, I wanted you to meet Mr. Won. Chang-in, my lovely daughter and whom I guess you already know, her fiancé and CEO of Kim Enterprises, Kim Taehyung.” Your father proudly presented you both.

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Won, Kim Taehyung.” Taehyung was the first to address the man, extending his hand and bowing as he greeted him. You were almost taken aback by how polite he could be, the way his charming smile graced his features and attractively displayed his perfect teeth. His manner of speech and etiquette were all refined with a high degree of professionalism as well, internally gawking at his duality.  

Wasn’t he acting all entitled with you just now? 

“Nice to meet you as well!” You collected yourself and cheered, a little baffled as to why Taehyung still rested his hand against your back. “I’m hoping my father has only said good things.” You earned a laugh from the group, Mr. Won responding by receiving your hand with a firm shake. 

“Ah, Namhyun, you forgot to mention how beautiful your daughter has grown, and your future son-in-law has me jealous! What a handsome and accomplished young man, the perfect match, the two of them.” Mr. Won praised you both kindly.

You and Taehyung both smiled and thanked him humbly, feeling some heat collect in your cheeks upon Mr. Won’s words. You two? The perfect match? Unless he believes a rock and a Greek statue belong together, then he’s absolutely correct. 

Other than that, you chest swarms with butterflies thinking you’re now referred to as ‘two’. 

Taehyung for some odd reason encircles the curve of your waist suddenly, pulling you closer to him. You last minute sputter at the intimate action before leaning into him, one arm nervously encasing his torso as the other rests against his chest. 

You feel him tense underneath you. 

“Aish, you’re such a flatterer. Y/N-ie, do you remember Mr. Won? My friend from university? You haven’t seen him in a while.” Your father rested a hand on your shoulder, trying to jog your memory. 

“Oh, you mean Mr. Won from SNU?” You suddenly remembered, looking to your father for confirmation. 

“Yes, so you do remember!” 

“Of course I do, how could I forget!” You smiled brightly and returned your gaze to the familiar man. “Mr. Won used to sneak me ice cream when you wouldn’t let me have any, Dad.” You scolded him with a playful jab to his arm, inviting more laughter. “I apologize for not recognizing you right away, it’s been a long time, Mr. Won, forgive me.” You solemnly apologized, Mr. Won giving you a look of understanding. 

“Ah, forget it, Y/N. Don’t worry about it, although since it’s been a long time I hope you remember my son? He should be here somewhere..” Mr. Won trailed as his eyes fished over the grand hall, scanning around. 

“Your son..” You repeated to yourself, realizing there was a familiar connection itching at your mind, he was your age actually-

Wait. 

Oh God, not him. 

Anything but him. 

You felt raw panic seep into the spaces between your ribs, your chest filling with a constricting feeling of anxiety you couldn't shake off. Your heart picked up speed and the alcohol coursing through your veins didn’t help your judgement or memory at all, mind fogged over with the poison we dare call alcohol.  

You felt stupid, so utterly stupid. How could you forget Mr. Won and who his Godforsaken son was? 

You felt an anxiety attack riddling you, shifting your weight on your feet as you tried to bite back your uneven breathing. You just couldn’t see this man, especially in a situation where you were standing next to your husband-to-be. 

Taehyung wasn’t so invested in the conversation before him, mindlessly nodding along before he felt you physically freeze next to him, his glance to the side confirming your pale look, watching as your panicked eyes faltered to the floor and revealed... fear? 

He registered your odd shifting and your failed attempts at plastering a smile, confused if you knew this guy and if you did, why were you freaking out so much?

Were you in love with him or something? 

The thought minutely bugged him until he watched you turn straight up uncomfortable, horrified when Mr. Won called out his son’s name. 

“Kiseok-ah! Come here!” 

You stopped breathing when you heard the name, eyes going wide as you avoided eye contact with anyone in the group, but caught Taehyung’s undivided attention. He grew curious when Kiseok sauntered over to the group, your hand on his chest suddenly squeezing his suit as the mysterious man greeted everyone respectfully.

Taehyung watched as his intrigued eyes locked on you, eyebrows perking up amusedly as his lips curved into a smile Taehyung honestly couldn’t admit to liking. 

“Y/N? Wow, long time no see. It’s been what, a year?” The man Kiseok called out happily, like there was absolutely no problem occurring here but as Taehyung felt your hand clutch onto his suit, lips just about quivering before you forced a smile, he knew there was most certainly a problem. 

“Yeah.” Your voice was weak, small, and Taehyung found himself wondering how a courageous person like you was all of a sudden cowering. 

He’d heard it all night, all the accounts of your other life away from the business world. He wasn’t going to lie, he heard a multitude of opinions concerning you, many of which including either looking down on you or telling Taehyung there’s many other, more powerful women in business he could’ve been marrying instead. 

But Taehyung didn’t care for their opinions, he found you the most powerful woman he could ever marry, and agreed to do so because of that very prospect. Sure, you were estranged from the business scene and practically abandoned any role you’d play in your father’s company in order to pursue your own personal aspirations, but if anything, Taehyung found it highly commendable. 

Taehyung knew it took guts to do what you did, a bold and daring act that no other heir or future heir of a wealthy company could ever think of doing, including himself. 

What he found to appreciate most was your unwillingness to give in, where you had to have heard all the back-handed and snobby comments, yet you still held your head up high, remained rooted and adamant in keeping your current way of life. It instantly signaled to him you were courageous, fearless, unable to be stopped in your tracks.

So when he watched you become smaller and smaller the more you stood in the vicinity of this Kiseok, he knew something was sincerely wrong. 

“Ah yes, it’s been quite some time. Why don’t we step away from you three? You could do some catching up.” Your father urged as he motioned Mr. Won to step away with him. You lightly addressed them only to have your hands neglect Taehyung entirely and start fidgeting, attempting to calm your nerves as the alcohol inebriated your system and magnified your anxiety by tenfold. 

“Ah, yes, Kim Taehyung, CEO of Kim Enterprises. I’ve been meaning to meet you.” Kiseok extended his hand as his voice irked you with every syllable, trying your best to seem like absolutely nothing was wrong. 

Taehyung reached out his hand in response uneagerly, giving a small shake while wondering why you let him go. “That’s news to me, nice to meet you.” Taehyung responded, already feeling an intense aura of discomfort and tension between you both, sensing he was missing out on something that seemed 6 ft deep. 

“Likewise. Y/N..” Kiseok suddenly turned towards you, making you wince. You painted on your smile as you lifted your vision. “Kiseok.” 

“How’ve you been?” 

“Better than ever. You?” 

“Marvelous, just wondering what your life’s looked like since I haven’t been in it.”

“I believe I said better than ever, didn’t I?”

Kiseok scoffed unamused, “So a year, huh? In all that time you suddenly found yourself a fiancé, and Kim Taehyung at that?” Kiseok seemed to be making light-hearted conversation to anyone outside of your group, though you knew deep down the hostility behind his words.

“Yeah, I did. It just happened.” You shrugged, gaining the confidence to counter him. “And you? Plan on putting a ring on any of your girls? Maybe the 5th or 7th one you liked?” You sarcastically questioned, furrowing your brows in mock contemplation. 

“No, you know I’ve always had my eye on one girl when it came to marriage.” Kiseok eyed you knowingly, purposefully, like he was trying to make it obvious.

You snorted and glared at him, “If I remember correctly, your attitude said otherwise.” hatred began boiling under your skin. You felt yourself growing angrier by the second, memories between you two coming back in flashes. You didn’t even realize you were shaking until Taehyung’s hand suddenly entangled with yours, pulling you towards him almost defensively. 

You were surprised, looking at your connected hands and back up at Taehyung. He returned your look, peering down at you as he smiled warmly, affectionately. 

“I’m sorry, Kisook? Was it? My future wife and I have plans for tonight. May you excuse us?” Taehyung didn’t even let Kiseok respond before he was pulling you away, in complete shock at his first lack of manners you’d ever seen. You were only left to watch Taehyung as he lead you along, gaining the timely opportunity to realize he was taller than Kiseok, and in fact significantly taller than you. 

Taehyung was a large man in general, you noticed. His shoulders looked broad from behind, accentuated by the fit of his suit which also emphasized the expanse of his chest, tastefully exposing his sculpted neck. His legs were long, proportioned perfectly in accordance with the rest of his model-like figure, which was ideally fit and contained just the right amount of muscle. 

Dear God, you took your time with this one. 

You didn’t even realize Taehyung had pulled you into a secluded hallway or that you were ogling him when he suddenly stopped, turning in your direction and snapping you out of a near fever dream. 

Yeah, alcohol was not a good idea tonight. 

“Who the fuck was that?” 

“What?”

“That douche, who was that?” Taehyung inquired slightly pissed, in need of the asshole’s identity after watching whatever shitshow he didn’t pay for. 

“Nobody, Taehyung, he shouldn’t concern you.” You looked away from him, pouting in a way that made Taehyung momentarily notice the plush of your lips. 

Again?, was all he could think, first, your mother, and now this guy? Just how many people did you have bad connections with and he needed to ignore? 

Why were there so many intricate pieces to you? 

“Are you kidding me? He concerns me now, your mother I can understand but this guy? Nothing to me. I could step on him.” Taehyung proclaimed confidently and stood up broader, conviction written all over his face.

You couldn’t help but giggle at his remark, resembling the thought you had earlier. “I was just thinking, you’re a lot taller than him.” 

Taehyung couldn’t help but bite back a smile, watching you giggle like a shy high schooler and his ears gladly welcomed the soft sound. “Damn straight I am.” He adjusted the jacket of his suit suavely. It was then he remembered what his other hand was doing; still holding yours. 

His eyes suddenly gleamed with mischief. 

He squeezed your hand a little tighter and yanked you towards him, bodies just centimeters apart as you crashed into him, all up in each other’s personal space.

Your eyes widened in complete surprise. 

 “So you were thinking about me, huh?” Taehyung teased with a stupidly lowered tone, a smug grin decorating his face. 

You ignored the electricity shooting through you, rolling your eyes and playfully sneering at him. “Shut up, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see you’re taller.” You forced space between you two and tried snatching your hand from him, but his grip transformed into an iron lock. 

“Says the one who was thinking about me.” 

“Taehyung, shut-” You almost huffed out but as soon as you stepped away, your copious consumption of alcohol suddenly attacked you all at once, vertigo making you lose your balance until Taehyung reached out to steady you. 

“Jheez, did you have to drink tonight?” Taehyung chastised you as you fell into him, head spinning with disorientation and growing flimsier by the second. “You’re probably a lightweight at your size.”

“I am not a lightweight. You don’t even know how much I drank, it was a lot.” You bit back in rebuttal, hooking onto his taut forearms as he supported you. 

“But I did see.” He voiced barely above a whisper, causing you to snap your vision up at him incredulously. “What?” 

“Nothing, it shouldn’t concern you.” Taehyung mocked, though still tried to fix you onto your own footing.  

You didn’t even get to scrutinize him further when you felt another round of dizziness plague you, balance faltering again. Taehyung huffed out and finally flanked you on his side, arm encasing your shoulders as he adjusted you. “Okay Miss I’m-Not-A-Lightweight, you should eat something.” He fit you beside him, beginning to walk you towards the main hall. 

Taehyung in this moment didn’t understand what he was doing, utterly clueless as to what was fueling his actions. He was uncertain why he found himself.. caring? He didn’t even know you, yet he couldn’t help but become a little concerned when he watched you down drinks like it was New Year’s Eve. 

How can all that alcohol fit into one tiny person?

What was he even thinking when he dragged you away from that Kisuk guy? Why did he feel like protecting you all of a sudden? A near sense of possessiveness? He wasn’t even your real husband. 

It started giving Taehyung a headache. This was all strange, a foreign concept he wasn’t familiar with and he didn’t know if it was the result of his considerate personality or only manifested solely because of you.

The same way Taehyung dealt with his inner turmoil, you dealt with yours; you were always so adamant on independence though ironically found yourself leaning on Taehyung.

Oddly, you let him carefully guide you back into the hall with no protests. 

It was the day of the wedding. 

You wish you could recall your emotions throughout the day, certain there would be at least a sliver of a positive one. Though as you remained unmoving, nearly catatonic, unresponsive to your surroundings, you knew there wouldn’t be a single happy memory in the tsunami of sorrow that attacked you today. 

Emotions of grief plagued consistently as you realized the loss of everything you valued most in your life. Your happiness, your freedom, your ability to choose. The stripping of all those bundled into an stifling wad in your chest that left you in a perpetual state of wanting to cry.

The sting in your heart when you realized your mother didn’t bother to come, the excruciating smile you forced onto your features when Taehyung’s mother delicately placed the veil atop your head, the secret tears you shed after adorning your body with a wedding dress you didn’t even choose; it all left you internalizing feelings of utter agony. 

And none of it was your real choice. 

Even the flowers at the wedding weren’t your favourite. 

This day was horrifying. You couldn’t believe you prided yourself on your independence, refusing to give in despite numerous challenges and never taking a word of what anyone said to you. Even when someone begged you to change or come back to your old life, you always chose for yourself. You never allowed someone to push you around, seldom coerced into anything solely based on the wishes of another. 

Yet here you were, standing just before the grand doors of a wedding you never asked for, having easily followed every word of your father’s and sacrificed your deepest principles in order to make him happy, to appease and live up to his expectations that weren’t your own. 

It was utterly frightening, appalling. As if you had lost the one true commendable feature of the intricate character you were, suddenly lost the acclamation of others even if they didn’t know the true nature of your marriage. 

But what disgusted you the most was truly, that you had lost respect for yourself. 

These grim thoughts were the ones that attached themselves to you as you hesitantly hooked your arm with your father’s. You used every ounce of strength to not flee, to remain here, to still walk down that isle with your head held high like you always have despite abandoning every foundation of the character you’d spent years working on.  

You didn’t care that your eyes watered, masking them with the facade of happy tears from the blushing bride. You didn’t care when your father looked incredibly concerned and wondered what was so wrong, you didn’t care how sorrowful you may have appeared to anyone at this ironically glamorous event. 

Though what you did care for was that you couldn’t hold your head up as you walked down the isle, vision fixated on the ground as your tears betrayed you, spilling out at the traumatizing feeling of not being able to stand tall like you always did, something stripping you of your self-reassurance, your strength, your confidence.  

It all spelled the requiem of your soul as you reached the end, dwelling in the impossibility this was happening to you until you felt the touch of Taehyung’s fingertips, guiding you up the stairs. It was then confirmed to you this was in fact real, part of your new reality you had no choice but to accept. 

You suddenly felt eternal gratitude for the veil that now covered your face, hiding the tears you cried at mourning the loss of everything you worked for.

While the priest’s words were read, you didn’t exchange a single look with Taehyung, knowing you’d only want to evaporate into the air, to run away at light speed or have someone in a turn-of-events suddenly take your life, just so you didn't have to face the humility of giving up the life you’d spent blood, sweat and tears building if you looked him in the eye. 

You felt the weight of your unknown future crushing you, pushing you towards the precipice as you gripped Taehyung’s hands harder to ground yourself. 

You were to rely on Taehyung, to share a bond with him you had never spent time cultivating, expected to live a life next to him while never being able to truly understand him, know him, love him. The natural process of falling in love now tainted with the coercion of a pressurized marriage, losing the opportunity to achieve any true sense of love. You’d never experience finding the one anymore, your soulmate, the other end of your red string of fate. 

That realization made your tears spill harder, disconnecting your hand from Taehyung’s to prevent your choked sobs becoming audible, holding your palm against your quivering lips. 

To anyone beyond you and Taehyung, it would look as though you were crying tears of happiness, joyously weeping at your matrimony with the love of your life, though as Taehyung felt the shaking of your hands, your refusal to meet his gaze as you reluctantly walked down the isle, the agonizing pain he could see through the sheer of your veil, he knew you were far from happy. 

He couldn’t help but purse his lips together tightly, knowing you were probably swallowing insurmountable torment down your throat because of this marriage, and tears pricked at his own eyes finding himself able to relate. 

He wasn’t just upset for you or himself, it was the entire situation, quite frankly the fucking world. The fact that the universe planned this as your destiny, his destiny, that the happiness of your parents and two companies came at the expense of both yours and his.

He knew you didn’t hate him, that he wasn’t the reason just as much as you weren’t the reason either, it was the arbitrary nature of the arrangement. That whatever version of true love and happily ever after you and Taehyung had separately dreamed of, it could never come to life. 

Even if the company meant everything to Taehyung, his CEO position more important than whatever position he’d play as some husband, seldom having time to consider love and relationships, he still harboured the same wants and desires any human would. A partner, a companion he truly loved with whom he’d start a family eventually, create a life for them and himself defined by love and comfort.

Though Taehyung only knew now you would both die with your decision-making capabilities robbed of you, bound to each other forcibly without the ardor of real love. 

Taehyung’s every thought was proven correct when the two of you exchanged your vows in near strangled chokes and shaky tones, appearing as happy emotions to the guests of the wedding though only you two knowledgeable of each other’s suffering. 

Your vision finally met Taehyung’s once you heard the rawness in his voice, your miserable emotions doubling when you registered he was just in the same pain as you. It was in that moment the priest’s words became audible and rang loud in both your ears, suddenly grounding you two to earth and reminding you of your reality. 

“You may kiss the bride.”

Both of your eyes grievously locked for a moment of horrified realization; that you were seconds away from going through with this, throwing each other’s lives away for the utilitarian benefit, abandoning any sense of choice in whom you both would spend a lifetime with.

Taehyung swallowed thickly as he removed your veil, feeling his eyes fill with tears again when he laid them upon your utterly devastated, tear-stained face. You were using every nerve in your body to stop yourself from sobbing and caving into the ominous thought of fleeing the ceremony.  

Taehyung’s sight wondered to your lips as they still quivered, nearly swollen red at the intensity in which you bit them, awaiting the kiss you were certain would be filled with frustration and hatred, hatred for the mud you were dragging him through, hatred for pressuring him into suddenly valuing something more than his work and his company, to suddenly become a husband to you. 

Though as he watched the terror flashing through your eyes, tears watering your lash line, he knew he could never feel anything so ardently negative towards you, remembering exactly what he was stripping you of. 

The life you built on your own, defying any and everyone’s expectations of yourself, cursing your heir status to hell, your strength, your independence. Now? Your life was bound to his, bound to one where you were obliged to sacrifice yourself for your father’s company and the upper class cesspool you’d spent so long trying to run away from. 

So as Taehyung began closing the gap between you two, nearing your shaking figure, he resolved he wouldn’t make this hard. He would try, try to accept that his life now entailed you, would try to work towards the balance his father insisted he needed, try to understand that you were now part of his priorities and could never simply ignore you.  

He glided his thumbs against the back of your hands that held his pacifyingly, leaning down until he was just inches from your lips as you squeezed your eyes shut. He unexpectedly spoke quietly, meaningfully, seconds away from sealing the deal of an uncertain future, though, remained certain of this one thing. 

“I’ll take care of you, Y/N, I promise.” And he kissed you in a single breath, no haste, no pressure, only the gentle touch of his lips as they met yours, soft and light. 

Maybe Taehyung didn’t know the exact feelings behind his promise, but he knew the meaning; that no matter the arrangement, the non-existent feelings, the loss of choice, he would at least take care of you like any husband would, a good husband.  

He at least owed you that.  

You were left shocked at the nature of his kiss, Taehyung’s warm lips connecting with yours tenderly. You were convinced the tears you saw in his eyes were enough to assert he hated this, frustrated he had to sell his soul, wishing to only rush the kiss so he could call it a day and ignore you for the rest of his life. 

Though what you never expected was the promise he made, or the way he kissed you with such intimacy you found yourself melting into his touch, reciprocating. He kissed you like you were fragile, locking your lips in a way that solidified his promise, as if out of all the empty vows you spoke today, this was the one, true vow he would keep. His lips felt plush against yours, catching his mouth just a little more before the bittersweet disconnection. 

You and Taehyung exchanged a poignant look, small smiles decorating both your faces with a mutual understanding swimming in your eyes as you gripped each other’s hands. You let his promise permeate the air between you two, finding solace in his words as the applause of everyone attending the ceremony filled the hall.   

Maybe it was the warm way Taehyung always pressed his hand to the small of your back when you spoke to others the whole night, maybe the way he veered you away from excessive amounts of alcohol with a light-hearted scolding considering that last time you drank, or maybe even the way he gently held you during your first dance..

Maybe it was all these considerate, kinds act that made you view Taehyung in a less negative light and rather a favourable one, that maybe he wouldn’t be the asshole CEO you’d first accused him of being.  

You would also be an idiot to not mention how completely and utterly handsome he was, looks carved by the Greeks themselves, quite possibly the hottest, most attractive man you’ve ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on. 

And maybe all that accumulated into your assured opinion that when it came to consummating your marriage with Taehyung, you’d have no qualms or worries whatsoever. You would be absolutely willing, ready to take the night on and maybe even have some fun for yourself with whom you could tell was a really, really nice guy.

Though as Taehyung walked calmly in front of you towards your hotel suite, reaching into his suit pocket for the card key he’d retrieved at the front desk to swipe against the lock, your chest clogged with a crushing feeling of anxiety you couldn’t subdue. 

These weren’t the same nerves of maybe being not pretty enough, body insecurities or fear of what to expect from Taehyung, no, these nerves came from the utter panic of having to experience sex with another man.

Especially since your last partner. 

It always started with your permission, that wasn’t the issue, Though what left you afraid, so utterly frightened with the thought of spending a night with a man like this came from the treatment you received from that partner. 

Safe to say, you weren’t treated kindly. Far from that, actually, you were treated as though you had no needs or were a means of simple use. Your last partner was the opposite of giving, he was selfish, self-absorbed and only concerned himself with his own pleasure, going on and on only until he was satisfied and neglected you in every sense of the word, sometimes even refusing to listen to you if you protested. 

To make matters worse, he wasn’t faithful. 

You knew he slept around, a lot, it was the number one reason you never agreed to actually date him, never make things official. 

But the reason you would end up sleeping with him was because of the most perfectly imperfect concept among the human race; love. You believed every time with him was a new chance to make that love real, that it was the genuine manifestation of your feelings for one another, thinking maybe he wasn’t the asshole he always portrayed himself as and could man up enough to love you unconditionally. 

And he completely reeled you in, made you fall in love too quickly and made you believe he was capable of love. This grew exponentially when you were often described as ‘the different one’, the one he always came back to, that you were special. You clung onto those words as much as you could, convinced each time you were in fact the one for him, that maybe one day, he’d wake up and abandon his fuckboy lifestyle and mature.

But everyday that went by, every promise that was never fulfilled, every word that wasn’t met with an action, and especially after every hook up that resulted in nothing new, you began to understand you were everyone’s favourite role in a Shakespearean play. 

The fool. 

You were a joke to believe anything he said, the most naive person on earth to think you were any different from the others, when every night simply ended in rough fucks, virtually no orgasm and miniscule aftercare.

It left you essentially scarred, traumatized that every man in the world was built like this. It didn’t help that whenever you look back, many of your ex partners were of the same cut, the same trope of assholes that don’t seem as bad but end up being exactly so. 

It was what made you swallow thickly as Taehyung opened the door to the suite, holding it open as he moved aside to let you enter first. You walked forward and unintentionally brushed against him, realizing how much smaller you were in comparison to him all over again. 

He towered over you, and it made you more nervous. 

You looked up at him momentarily and quietly thanked him as you stepped inside, setting your sights on the large, king sized bed situated on one side of the room, a lounging area with couches to the other side which lead to a bathroom. Seoul’s breathtaking skyline was visible in the dark of the night through wall-to-ceiling windows opposite to you, covered by flowy, sheer curtains. 

You took a deep breath, trying to remind yourself Taehyung was not the same. Not all men are the same, you can’t inflict the mistakes and wrongdoings of one man onto another, categorize them into one kind. You wanted to think this way, and you knew it was the humane way to think. 

But as the memories of those heart-aching nights filled your head, the empty words, the lack of care or concern, the neglect, the feelings of pure abandonment and use only caused your heart to beat profusely in your chest, clutching onto the neckline of your dress to breathe. 

What if Taehyung really was no different?

It then suddenly hit you you didn’t know him. All you knew of Taehyung was that he was a fiercely successful business man, sitting atop Seoul’s most prestigious with Godly looks and a stare that could kill a man. You remembered your initial feelings about him; his stare in fact intimidated you, quite frankly all of him intimidated you, he was the epitome of perfection and you were far from that very notion. It left you thinking you didn’t measure up, and that he could view you in a dissimilar light than you viewed him; an unfavorable one. 

He could simply not want you, but is forced to.  

You’d observed his kind behavior and actions over the odd two days you met him, though that was exactly the inculpatory factor; you had only met him twice. You didn’t know what he would be like alone, when it was just the two of you, when there weren’t eyes scrutinizing him and cameras snapping shots of his every move. 

You didn’t know how he would be like in the bedroom, either. 

Your mind raced as you conflicted with yourself, trying to understand that Taehyung could be different, though apprehensive with the miniscule knowledge you actually had of him. 

You discerned after that last asshole of a partner you needed the love and care of a real partner, someone who would tend to your needs, adore you in the midst of their actions, be a giver and not just a receiver.  

And you didn’t know if Taehyung would be that partner. 

“Y/N...” Taehyung called out to you rather softly as he removed his suit jacket, the rustling of the cloth signaling he had indeed done so. His footsteps were hard to miss, the soles of his shoes sounding against the hardwood floor as he neared your lonesome figure standing in the middle of the room. 

Your breathing quickened with nearly every step he took, attempting to resolve the civil war you were battling within. You were trying to convince yourself Taehyung would be a nice man, a nice husband; though couldn’t help but feel deflated by the fact it was all mainly coerced out of him.

Your thoughts overwhelmed you as Taehyung finally stood behind you, mere inches from your back as he watched you from behind, unbeknownst of any feelings or thoughts currently riddling you.

He hesitated, though gently placed his hand against your bare arm, the sudden warmth of his hand against your skin causing you to flinch. He peered down at your smaller self squarely focusing in front of you, anticipating your response. He grew slightly soft when you tentatively looked over your shoulders, clearly teary-eyed. 

Taehyung couldn’t miss how scared you seemed, and he his heart inexplicably stung at the thought you were afraid of him. 

“We don’t have to do this.” Taehyung’s voice was low and resembled warm honey, reverberating in a way that made you ease up. 

You worked towards a stable voice. “W-we don’t?” 

“No, we don’t” His voice held no disappointment, only the intention of seemingly wanting to assure you, firm and oddly comforting. 

“I’m sorry, Taehyung. I’m really sorry.” It was hard to keep your tone leveled, clutching your hand over your mouth as you swallowed your emotions. 

“Don’t be sorry, there’s nothing for you to apologize for.” 

You strangely felt the desire to hold his hand that rested against you, though you ignored the urge and simply stepped out of his touch, clutching your chest tightly in an effort to cower away from him. But it was here you suddenly remembered that he kissed you, and the way he did so. 

It made your cheeks fill with a rosy blush. 

“Do you mean that?” You’d finally turned to meet his eyes, his face only visible by the moonlight illuminating the room. He seemed to have retracted his hand and stood with both tucked in his pockets, relaxed. 

This became the first time you noticed just how ravishing he looked tonight. 

His dark hair was slicked back loosely and left enough pieces to fall as a comma, graciously exposing his forehead, his Tom Ford suit attractively hugged his model-like body, watch and accessories accentuating his expensive look. 

His features were casted over by soft lighting, somehow adding to his beauty as the glow made him appear... less intimidating, dare you say warm or inviting. 

His expression was funnily enough, one that you could actually read. He held no contempt, no impatience or anger, only a hint of consideration as his calm eyes looked at you. His face may have been predominantly blank, void of a smile, though certainty held a form of reassurance.  

“Of course I do, why would I do anything with an unwilling person?”

You scoffed lightly, “Not a lot of people would say that.” Your eyes faltered from Taehyung’s and clutched yourself tighter, expression completely telling of trauma.

Taehyung instantly picked up on it, eyebrows slightly furrowing at your words though softening once registering their weight. He felt an overwhelming sense of apology take him, thinking of his next sentence before his mind oddly flashed back to the night of the engagement party.

“Y/N, did Kiseok..?” Taehyung trailed hesitantly. 

You winced at his line of thinking, “No, no...not what you’re thinking,” you immediately denied. “Just, shitty experiences.”

“Shitty, as in...?”

“As in only seeking self-satisfaction, neglect, lies, infidelity. Can we go to sleep?” You deflected with a heavy sigh and a hand at your temple, the day’s events catching up to you.

Taehyung nodded in agreement, “Yeah, sleep. We both need that.” His eyes then landed on the bed, registering even if it were large enough you two could sleep apart, he still opted for caution. 

“Um.. you can take the bed, by the way. I’ll sleep on the couch-”

“No, don’t do that.” You replied quickly. “I can’t sleep on a king-sized bed all by myself, it’s huge.” You side-eyed the massive mattress and laughed a little, lightening the heavy aura casted over the room. 

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to be uncomf-”

“Don’t worry, Taehyung. You don’t make me feel uncomfortable.” You smiled at him lightly and received a small one from him, both your eyes mirroring the same sense of understanding you exchanged at the altar. 

“I’ll let you wash up first, your overnight bag should be in the bathroom closet.” Taehyung informed, pointing towards the direction of your things. 

“Thank you.” You voiced with an amount of warmth that made Taehyung want to genuinely smile, though crushed the weird urge and nodded agreeably instead.

You began walking away from him until a nuisance suddenly occurred to you, cursing yourself as you came to a full stop. “Um, Taehyung.. I forgot but could you..?” You angled your back towards him to call out to the ribbons tying the back of your dress, knowing you would’ve taken 20 years just to untie your bodice yourself. 

The fact that you weren’t looking directly at Taehyung made him feel relieved, glad he wouldn’t embarrass himself with the his eyes slightly widened. He was quick to reprimand himself, it’s just a woman’s dress, why the hell are you shocked? 

Taehyung swallowed dryly before replying, “Uh, yeah I’ll--I’ll do that.” He walked towards you sparingly and positioned himself behind you.

He’d noticed it before, but you were relatively small compared to him in size and it continued to poke at his brain, maybe even momentarily think it was cute. 

Cute? When have I ever found a girl cute?

Taehyung exhaled before his hands carefully made for the silk ribbons, his tentative fingers fiddling with the ties until he eventually began loosening each one. He started unlooping your bodice, breathing out considerably when each loop began exposing your back inch by inch.  

Taehyung’s sweet, hot breath fanned your skin, tensing each time as your every nerve went haywire feeling just how close he was. His slender fingers brushed against your bare skin here and there, making heat collect in your face.

You grew even hotter when your kiss with him suddenly crept back into your mind, unknowing of the reason why excitement and electricity shot throughout your body because of it. The way his soft, full lips met yours, mouthed at you tastefully repeated in your head, making you extremely nervous at how much a measly kiss from him was occupying your mind; it was just a kiss. 

Taehyung found himself tensing by the intimacy of the moment, remembering the way he so boldly kissed you. He found that he liked the plush of your lips, the way he had to bend down to your smaller height to lock lips; and it made him feel strange. 

How the hell was he taking interest in something other than his work? No, this isn’t interest, Taehyung thought, and would spend however long denying it. 

He’d finished the task throughout all his thinking, unrealizing of how proximal he was to you. He oddly hated that the moment was over, coming back down to Earth.

“There you go.” He cleared his voice and stepped away from you. 

You held your bodice up against your chest, realizing Taehyung had a full-access view of your back and you grew 10x hotter. You gulped at the thought before hastily turning around to thank him, quickly disappearing into the bathroom for a moment of reprieve. 

You shut the door and instantly breathed out a breath you didn’t remember holding, looking at your hot mess of a face in the mirror trying to cool down, reliving the last 10 minutes of what just happened. 

You took a deep breath. 

Maybe Taehyung is different after all. 

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