#always keep in mind is the power dynamics in any scene. people tend to have power over others that arent even considered

[mbat]

the other thing i realized was like... so i ended up talking about taking up space and stuff and blah blah personal stuff, but it also led me to realizing a metaphor

the metaphor being like... imagine a person on public transit, and theyre taking up an entire row of seats on a busy day during a busy hour, and they refuse to move

everyone is trying to tell them 'we have a right to be here and sit there too, can you please make space for us so that we can also sit on those seats, you only need one'

and this person taking up these seats is throwing an absolute tantrum of it. these seats are theirs and how dare you try and take space away from them, are you trying to kick them out of this place they also have a right to be as well?

and its like... no, dude, youre just taking up so much space for no reason other than because you can, and other people have just as much of a right to be there too, and youre not being punished just because you have to let other people sit there too

and anyway it was just a quick thought so maybe it could be expanded on or changed or whatever but if it wasnt obvious the people trying to get a seat are minorities. like, we have every right to live this life just as much as anyone else, and we just want to make space for ourselves that we shouldve had in the first place, but were taken from us for no good reason and people are acting like thats trying to erase them and yeah.

[save-the-villainous-cat]

Hi, i hope you are having a good day! I wanted to ask for writing tips, though sorry if I'm not too specific. You see, i notice you tend to show so much personality of characters, especially in the way they speak. Do you have any advice on how to write dialogues and how you give each person a distinct voice? Maybe also how you manage to show certain characteristics of a person (like flirty, playful, confident, shy, etc) through the way they talk? Thank you very much in advance, hope I'm not bothering you, and feel free to answer any time, of course if you want and have the time🩵

Ehh, once I find my writing tips I will reblog this - I made a kind-of-not-really-masterlist when it comes to my writing tips - (as always, please keep in mind: I study biology which means I am currently not taking any language courses, I haven't been in an English class for ages, so, yeah, I may not be the best person to give advice).

Usually, my writing process is pretty easy to put into words - that's the only reason why I was able to give some sort of writing tips in the past. When it comes to dialogue, though, I am not so sure how to explain it.

I usually follow certain "rules" regarding structure or the use of stylistic devices etc. I've mentioned that in my prior posts (which I will reblog once I find them 😭), but for dialogue, there isn't really a guideline (not to my knowledge at least).

Which is why I mostly picture a movie scene with the setting and the characters I want to write and the dialogue just uhh happens. (I am so sorry that is such a lousy explanation.)

But maybe it's more useful to use an example (this is from a draft):

"You're quitting?" the villain asked and the hero nearly jumped out of their own skin. They had had quite the day and the last person they had expected to see in their own living room was the villain.

"Jeez- yes-" They felt their pulse in their throat and when they set down their plate, their fingers shook. Right. They hadn't told the villain.

It was stupid that they felt - to some degree at least - obligated to tell their nemesis that they weren't interested in wearing the cape anymore. In all honesty, that feeling of obligation only existed because the hero wanted some comfort.

"You're quitting?" the villain asked again and the hero only frowned softly.

"Yeah."

"Bullshit."

"No, I am done. I am done with this." In return, the villain let out a huff and crossed their arms in front of their chest.

"You can't just quit," the villain said, as if they had any say in this. It was refreshing, though. Most people had encouraged them. Hell, their parents had begged for years, colleagues called them incredibly lucky and friends only sighed in gratitude.

But the villain didn't seem to accept this.

Here is all the dialogue:

"You're quitting?"

"Jeez- yes-"

"You're quitting?"

"Yeah."

"Bullshit."

"No, I am done. I am done with this."

"You can't just quit."

So, the very first thing I try to do is to decide on the hero's and villain's personality (sometimes that changes in the middle of writing, so I go back and rearrange the dialogue etc.). First of all, it's important to decide how much the characters are talking.

Because, not only the quality but also the quantity of dialogue can tell you much about a character's personality. About their characteristics, their maturity, their age even. (That can also be subverted for comedic effect, though. A child being mature and talking like an adult can be quite funny.)

Different quantities can also create a certain power dynamic, for example between a superior and a subordinate. But that doesn't have to be.

Are they talking a lot? Are they rather quiet? Do they use long and complex sentences? Or are their answers very short and clear?

A very quiet character may be shy but they can also be intimidating - actions speak louder than words, after all. An intimidating character might not need to give a long speech to explain themselves. Their words aren't supposed to be questioned and conversation might be something they deem unnecessary.

How characters talk pretty much depends on your creativity.

A flirty character might try to interpret a lot into simple actions to frame them suggestive ("I bet you showed up just to see me."), they might make a bunch of assumptions ("You missed me, didn't you?"), they might be a very bold character ("Let's give that chatty mouth of yours another task.").

Shy characters can tend to talk very little or try to avoid conversations - that doesn't have to be the case, though. Some shy characters can be very chatty and social, but when confronted with a certain subject (e.g. their own accomplishments/interests or romance), they might lose their confidence and with that, all their words.

So, there isn't really a rule like a confident character is xyz. A confident character can be xyz but they can also be abc. It totally depends on the characters you're writing. Try to observe people you know. How do they act? How do they speak? Would you say they are confident? Shy? Flirty? Mean? Kind?

Above, you can see that the villain doesn't ask once but twice if the hero is quitting and even when the hero confirms this twice, the villain still simply says "Bullshit."

This already tells us the villain doesn't believe or doesn't want to believe that the hero is quitting. That goes even further when the hero says they are done and the villain tells them "You can't just quit."

The villain is clearly agitated about the hero quitting. So, we have a somewhat (co-)dependency here or at least some attachment from the villain towards the hero (because quitting = not fighting the villain = leaving the villain). That already tells us quite a bit about the character dynamic. When we look at the characters independently, it's quite clear the villain is very persistent about this (asking twice + telling the hero they can't quit) and the hero is at first shocked the villain is there (jeez-) but still willing to answer their question. The hero doesn't explain why they quit, they simply say "yeah" or "I am done with this." So, they either don't feel the need to talk to the villain about it (which they could have told them, like "it's none of your business") or they don't want to talk about it because they are upset.

(It's the latter.)

As you can see above, dialogue works better when you attach some action/description to the scene you are writing.

For example, when the hero realizes they haven't told the villain: They felt their pulse in their throat and when they set down their plate, their fingers shook. Right. They hadn't told the villain.

So, telling the villain is difficult for the hero. Why is up for your interpretation 🤭

"You're quitting?" the villain asked again and the hero only frowned softly. In this line, the hero frowning softly can be interpreted as confusion. Maybe because the villain is being very persistent and the hero is somewhat surprised by this...idk idk...

"No, I am done. I am done with this." In return, the villain let out a huff and crossed their arms in front of their chest. Apparently, the villain finds this action ridiculous which is why they say "You can't just quit."

Ultimately, I tried to put this into words. Like I mentioned before, I am not thinking "oh, yeah, the hero is upset so I will write this action and this as dialogue" but instead I direct the scene in my head and write it down.

Nonetheless, I really do hope this could help you in some way. Please tell me if there's something incoherent or illogical. Or ask if you have another question.

Thank you for asking!

[frangipanilove]

we cant deny that there was a ton of backlash after season 4 from c*rylers and maybe gimple was forced to backtrack. that's why Emily had no scenes with daryl or team fam and she died such a dumb death. and thy gave carol and daryl their own episode together. they were trying to appease pissed fans and a worried network. maybe even Emily wanted out cause she was being harassed by fans for her part in the story. its an awful theory if true but it's the only way I can explain the crap writing.

Hi friend, obviously I don’t have any inside information to any of this so ultimately your guess is as good as mine here. I personally don’t think the c@rylers are as influential as many people seem to believe, i don’t really believe TPTB would do a complete 180 based on some backlash from c@rylers alone. I think for the most part they have a certain story they want to tell and they try to stick with it. That doesn’t mean that plans never change, and it’s not always for any apparent reason, but like I said, I doubt c@rylers alone have that kind of power. I’ve mentioned before that it could have been that Emily herself wasn’t ready to return (because of anxiety/mental health issues) at a time when it was potentially realistic for her to return. And again I must stress that that’s just a speculation, I have never read or heard any tangible evidence of that, it’s just a speculation on my side. But if that was the case, then yes, harassment from disgruntled shippers could potentially have played a part. But again, I don’t have any evidence of this, it’s pure speculation.

As far as the influence of c@rylers go, what we’re seeing now through TBOC is that TPTB are absolutely ruthless in giving delusional shippers a proper reality check. I think it’s pretty clear that they won’t let anyone dictate how they’re going to tell the story. Also, keep in mind that there are plenty of people, myself included, who absolutely adore the Daryl-Carol dynamic, but never once saw them as a romantic pairing, and that’s not primarily because I ship Bethyl, it’s just that I never understood the story of Daryl and Carol to be a romantic one, it’s simply not how I interpret the story we’re being told. And I’m not alone in that. I think a lot of the most vocal toxic shippers aren’t actually watching the show, they’re just watching their favorite scenes and episodes and ignores the rest. That’s their right of course, but that’s not how you stay informed on a topic. It feeds into your preexisting bias, and renders you ignorant to what’s actually the story being told. To each their own I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ l We hear so much from a certain subset of the shippers that we tend to believe they’re more numerous than what they really are, but I think the majority of Carol and Daryl fans aren’t necessarily die hard shippers🥰

[allthatisleftinthedark]

Which muse is the most likely to turn to evil? Is their descent into evil slow or is it bought about for a desire to do good (in their eyes)? Would they be able to be talked down or to turn back? What does their choice cost them?

unprompted asks | always accepting | @offrozenmemoirs

Truth be told, my characters are built in mind to be antagonistic because of their own beliefs and mindsets. Not to say that they are actively inhibiting or challenging things, but everyone has opinions and experiences, which naturally spawns conflict and friction.

The most likely to turn evil are usually not out of their own accord. For example, Sino and Maisie's themes include what constitutes "loyalty" vs "obedience." One must ask at what point someone's allegiance is based on the personal beliefs that they've cultivated or subjugated upon them. 

It is no secret that the gnomes hold onto their primary influences very closely. Sino had a terrific influence as an 11-year-old after escaping Stelsel, and Maisie had a very stable family life growing up. However, a lot is happening behind the scenes, like Sino's place of origin and Maisie's community and family dynamics. 

If the wrong people got their hands on the gnomes, they would've, truthfully, been groomed to be those evils. I cannot see them being people of power to be evil, either. 

Their systems have maltreated them, placing them at the lowest tier of society. They have been neglected and ignored, without any peers to help them. One of them caught a lucky break and found herself in the orbit of humanity despite facing her own challenges. She always felt like an outsider due to her past experiences, which made her feel like she was never acceptable, replaceable, and beneath humans. On the other hand, the other person was born into a family with their own secrets and a community's paranoia. They were traumatized and projected their fears onto her. She always tried to do her best for others, and her pride guided her. However, she often questioned her worth because of what she "has" to do. 

In the current circumstances, Sino and Maisie have dealt with the world's evils differently. Sino cried and pleaded with the Lord of Night when she was younger to let her back into the Void. In contrast, Maisie held onto her own and remained optimistic. Both of them have a natural instinct to withdraw, but the ambassador cannot do so. On the other hand, the gunslinger does not reveal her vulnerability so openly, especially when so few have gotten close to her. While they both recognize the misdeeds and mistreatments they have faced at their ages, one has not connected the dots to realize the wrongs done to her.

For them, doing a sharp heel-turn to do evil isn't in the cards. It would've been a different story if they had other exposures in earlier life. Neither would derive pleasure from it; they would not have any autonomy in these situations. Depending on how young it happened, the idea of them being talked out of is complicated; I believe Sino would have a better time working/talking out of it while Maisie becomes relentless in it. It is a quality of hers to keep dedicated, no matter the cost; she tends to feel over-accountable for the issues that couldn't have been impacted or influenced by her hand. Surprisingly, she can be the voice of reasoning for people who have otherwise led a destructive path. 

For Maisie, it is always a matter of protecting the majority, while for Sino, it is about defending herself (as her primary connections are fae-based/nonmortal). The consequences that would belie Maisie would be ultimately being separated from her loved ones; it is a matter of context on whether or not she is cognizant of the actions. In her current campaign and the abandoned pantheon route, she displays a keen awareness that alters her perception of herself, making her see herself rather negatively. Meanwhile, Sino would be severed from humanity around her as it is something that has been revoked from her since birth; it only cements her worst fears as she folds and gives into the lie. As one can see, the consequence means irrevocable isolation.  

[animeomegas]

Which dynamics did you pick for the other rookie 9? For the sfw BDSM au

Yes! Questions! Okay, here's what I have:

Reminder on terms, switches need both domming and subbing in their lives, versatiles can do either, but only need one. Neutrals need none, but some still like it for fun. Like real people I guess.

Team 7:

Kakashi - Versatile - He's a versatile with a preference for subbing, who has never subbed. lol. He will dom just often enough to keep himself mentally stable enough to avoid a domdrop or subdrop. His nature is to enjoy either subbing or domming, but his nurture has made him more inclined to sub.

Sakura - Dom - She was very insecure about her presentation. Ino presented first (sub) and she wanted to be like her, not to mention, her parents started treating her differently from that point and it messed with her head a bit. It isn't until she's older that she comes into her own and accepts herself.

Naruto - Switch - Vibes. He doesn't care. He barely knows what this means. He thinks both Sakura and Sasuke are very dramatic, because it's not like dynamics impact their shinobi work, so who the hell cares!

Sasuke - Sub - Hates it. Despises this part of himself with every fibre of his being. Rejects it. He becomes more antagonistic to fight against his urges on principle. Kakashi is very tried of dealing with it.

Yamato - Artificial neutral - As all Root and ex-Root agents, Yamato is a neutral. It is unclear whether he is naturally that or not. No one knows how Orochimaru figured out how to change dynamics, but Danzou used his methods with great success. Sasuke was probably tempted away from Konoha partly for that. (Yamato would have actually presented as a sub, but no one knows that.)

Sai - Artificial neutral - Same as above except Sai was actually a neutral all along. He also doesn't know that. He finds the whole thing much easier to accept than Yamato though, which might hint that he'd been a neutral all along, while Yamato was mourning a part of himself instinctively and tends to pine over what could have been. He probably tries both subbing and domming to see what it's like at least once though.

Team 10:

Asuma - Dom - He loves being a dom and is lowkey a bit cocky about it.

Shikamaru - Dom - He says that he wishes he were a neutral so he didn't have to deal with any of this, but he doesn't really mind being a dom really. It makes his work feel quite fulfilling and the way he doms is low effort so 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ino - Sub - She is also incredibly proud of being a sub. She recognises and truly believes that the sub role is the most powerful, and loves having such an easy way to relax. Like, she can relax completely by doing chores as long as someone tells her to, doms wish they could get chores and relaxation done at once!

Chouji - Sub - He's pretty relaxed about his dynamic. He's glad he's not a dom, he finds that role intimidating, so I guess he's happy to be a sub. He does sometimes let Shikamaru dom him with a platonic scene.

Team 8:

Kurenai - Versatile - She's a versatile who's currently an acting sub with Asuma. Being a versatile always felt like the best dynamic for her. She wasn't ever limited on partners, platonically or otherwise, and versatiles are inherently less likely to drop. She's just quietly happy with her presentation. It also helps her relate to all her students (bar Shino) and help them properly through the confusing mix of presenting and puberty.

Hinata - Sub - She wishes she weren't a sub because she thinks that maybe her father would love her more is she weren't. :(

Shino - Neutral - His entire clan is neutral. It's one of their clan quirks. He finds the whole dom sub thing very confusing and mildly disconcerting. He is a neutral who doesn't like the idea of participating at all, even just to try.

Kiba - Switch - He's a little insecure as a child because he really wanted to be a dom, but when he's older he embraces it. Adult Kiba's favourite way to engage in scenes is sexually, so being a switch opens the most doors for him, and he's very smug about that.

[sleepyowlwrites]

Power Rangers Writing Asks

because I can.

Mighty Morphin': at what point do you usually write the beginning of a story? at the beginning or later on? do you try and actually write an opening scene or do you just sketch it out?

Zeo: how do you approach the growth of your characters? do you always have clear arcs in mind when you conceive them or do they surprise you?

Turbo: have you ever written a surprise villain that ended up being a lot more interesting or powerful than you anticipated? do your villains tend to more op or more cunning? are your villains usually people?

In Space: have you ever written or wanted to write a story set in space? give us a basic premise. if not, would you consider it?

Lost Galaxy: have you ever gotten decently far into a story and realized that your title made no sense? how much does your initial premise mean to the development of your story?

Lightspeed Rescue: do your characters come designed to fit certain roles that the story needs, or do you fit the story around some characters? which usually comes to you first, plot or characters?

Time Force: how good are you at managing pacing? do you prefer things to be paced slower or faster? how important is the timeline?

Wild Force: do your characters tend to get along or not? do they have to practice working as a team? do they need to for the plot?

Ninja Storm: how fond are you of plots that fall on the reader? do you prefer stories that just start or ones that take a little to warm up?

Dino Thunder: do you like bringing back characters from previous installments or even earlier in the book? is it fun to keep developing old characters or do you prefer to work on new ones?

S.P.D.: which of your characters is a natural leader? is this a surprise to the other characters? is there any conflict surrounding leadership?

Mystic Force: if you write fantasy, do you prefer hard or soft magic systems? do you like fantasy with no magic at all? if you don't write it, do you ever slip fantastical elements into the genres you do write?

Operation Overdrive: what's the hokiest premise you've ever come up with? do you adore it even though it's hokey? what are some great things about stories that don't take themselves too seriously?

Jungle Fury: do you prefer smaller casts or characters or large ensemble pieces? how do you feel about redemption arcs?

RPM: have you ever written long lost siblings? what is your go-to parent-child dynamic? how do you write families in general?

Samurai: have you ever written a character who you intended to come across one way but when you read it back you realized they turned out other way entirely? please elaborate.

Megaforce: what's something you've written that is no plot, only vibes, maybe heavily influenced by nostalgia, was written just for you, because you wanted to?

Dino Charge: what's an idea you've had that you started writing for fun but it turned out way better than you thought it would be? have you continued it?

Ninja Steel: if your wip was a gameshow, what kind of gameshow would it be? also do you color code your characters?

Beast Morphers: do you often slip easter eggs into your stories? maybe ones that nobody will get except you?

Dino Fury: do you like to recycle your plots/characters/premises until you find one that sticks? what the wip that has gone through the most changes? if no, then what's something you might reuse in the future?

[elsecrytt]

im gonna go ahead and Be Like That for a bit and talk about my oc,,, i'd like to just yell abt this in dms with friends but i'm feeling self-conscious atm so onto tumblr go these ramblings

i actually DO have a longfic conceptualized of main/canon mc!elsey's storyline. i also have a shitload of aus/alternate storylines/one-off concepts that i really enjoy but i wanna ramble about canon elsey

it's hard for me to decide like,,, how promiscuous i want them to be bc on one hand YES GIMME ALL THE BOYS but on the other,,, that sweet delicious one-on-one intimacy hhh.

they start out pretty reasonably upset by the whole devildom exchange program thing in general.

elsey's arc as a whole contains a lot of questions about the morality of the exchange program, and specifically, the lack of checks on diavolo's power.

throughout the story, as they gain confidence that they're not about to be immediately killed for mouthing off, they challenge diavolo on many an occasion, and in general tend to be his harshest critic.

this is mostly bc they do believe he is genuinely good and has the capacity to be the person he wants to think he is - but he needs to get actually chewed out when he does something wrong instead of walking away guilt free.

a big part of their dynamic is that elsey is lowkey grooming him to become an ideal leader, and diavolo is going to get very hung up on them because he doesn't want to disappoint them.

no one else shows disappointment in him, not in a way that matters. but with elsey, it feels real, like he's failed his dreams.

anyways in the main story. i think asmo is actually the one elsey gets with intimately first. he's super affectionate and bubbly and it's just very easy to love someone so sweet, plus, he CAN show them a good time. a really good time. (plus spa nights,, painting nails,, all the sweet little indulgences).

it's ironic because elsey won't build a relationship with him really, and although they'll get very affectionate and fond of him, he's just not what they want in a partner.

mammon is the sidekick he always is. elsey can read the room and it's not hard to figure out how he feels, but they're content to let him be all cute and tsuntsun.

ultimately though, although i do ship them in some aus, mammon is really just there to be their best friend. so elsey ALWAYS has someone they know is on their side, and to keep them from feeling completely and utterly alone in the first part of the story.

i know i have one scene imagined of elsey climbing into his bed, completely platonically, just to feel safe for a bit. i really do play up the danger/dark aspects of season 1 and elsey has a hard time :(

later on, as elsey gets Into It with lucifer (and not in the sexy way - he is very much straight up threatening their life and meaning it), they do get involved with satan, who is extremely their type.

this relationship starts out pretty shallow, but it's very good sex. they appreciate one another as people and elsey is probably catching feelings but for satan this really isn't that deep, he's just enjoying getting one over his brother and having a good time with a like-minded partner.

elsey refuses a pact with satan much like canon mc does, for mostly the same reason; they feel a real bond with him and they don't want to let him bind himself to them for such a casual and petty reason. they're genuinely trying to respect him and be good to him.

ofc satan takes it wrong and lucifer comes into the rescue and the arc continues as normal, and elsey and satan really bond on that nice juicy deep and intimate level. they both have Issues, okay?

but elsey becomes more distant bc their issues with the lucifer+belphie situation start really coming to a head and they're genuinely scared for their life.

they don't trust any of the brothers to be on their side, not even mammon. they're still scoping out diavolo, but they suspect he'd toss his morals aside if his precious lucifer needed him to.

a lot goes down around the lesson 16 stuff. it happens differently dksjhfglg i'll just put it like that, and elsey is much more involved in belphie's escape than mc gets to be in canon.

their relationship with all the brothers gets a lot WORSE from there. i've contemplated an amnesia arc here and there after it, it's that bad.

season 2 kinda consists of the brothers trying to win elsey back. belphie and lucifer's pacts were offered to make them feel safe and didn't actually solve the hard feelings between them.

lucifer and elsey have sexual tension/mind games going on between them HARD in season one. like, really hard.

elsey is doing their best to play on his flaws for their survival, but doesn't know him that well, and he wants to keep his brother secret but can't just kill them.

after everything's wrapped up, ofc, lucifer ends up feeling extremely guilty about it, but Pride and all, etc., plus his relationship with elsey is too volatile for an apology.

season 2 is the one where they start to get closer bc lucifer is willing to be honest or direct, and the finale allows him to display how he really, genuinely does care about them. more than his brothers, even.

like just imagining,,, how they get together is a surreal thing in my head bc i actually do ship them very much, luci is a fave and Big OTP material, but...

they're both really prideful people. lucifer is more mature - he's able to put aside his pride and take a rejection pretty gracefully - but i prefer a more erratic elsey who's like,,, almost a tsundere

if it were anyone but lucifer, they would never even consider forgiving the threats to their life. but they admire him so much; he has so many traits they look up to and enjoy, and on some level they do know they really crave his presence and attention.

elsey WOULD be prone to having hatesex with him lmao (they've probably done it with satan or asmo once or twice) but lucifer wouldn't because he doesn't want to poison the potential for a real relationship.

perhaps after a long period of groveling and displays of affection and him even getting one over on them here and there bc of course he does - elsey will relent,, bc like satan they are extremely attracted to him.

[sitp-recs]

(Perfect artwork for Modern Love, by @cambiodipolvere)

Today is the day of one of my favorite people! And I totally resent @tackytigerfic and Starry for almost sharing the same birthday, god the STRESS 😂 Tacky is my first and closest fandom friend. We clicked together so fast and easy that sometimes it feels like I’ve known her all my life, like we’re two dog moms living in the same neighborhood who happen to read fic in their free time. Despite our conflicting time zones and crazy schedules we manage to chat every other day, tagging and sending each other all kinds of stuff, coming together to cry scream about a brilliant fic we’ve just read or shaking our heads in embarrassment at every other unnecessary bullshit post. Tacky’s bright and wise energy uplifts my spirit even on my moody days, and makes me grateful for her friendship and for this fandom life. Okay so this got long and I had to put the rest under the cut:

It’s such a lovely and precious thing, to have someone with whom you can share every single thought that crosses your mind, your scariest, most embarrassing, petty or disturbing idea, without fear of being shamed or judged by it. I trust Tacky with all my heart to hear me out, share a joke or a piece of advice, even on the (rare) occasions when we don’t get the same perspective - that doesn’t happen often when it comes to Drarry, as we are taste twins!

Tacky my darling, you’re such a good person, and such an incredible friend. Thank you for introducing me to this lovely community, for being my safe haven and your unique self, with so many qualities I admire and feel inspired by: kind, witty, earnest, wise, and so very human. I love your humour and empathy, and your chill yet no-nonsense personality; I love your talent and how articulated you are; I love your passion for Drarry, and how you let this emotion inform the way you navigate the fandom and create for it. And god, but you’ve been creating some of the most beautiful content I’ve seen in these recent years! I’m permanently in awe of your ability to write Drarry in any shape, format or length, transforming even the most ordinary moment into an extraordinary and meaningful piece of character or relationship development. You know how you mentioned yesterday that some authors change the way you feel about a ship in a deep, definitive way? Well, you are that author for me. Your works made me fall in love with M-rated contemplative romance, and also allowed me to fall in love with Harry in a way I never thought it was possible before.

Some people - myself included - got to know you through the fun and intriguing A Lick and a Promise, others through the atmospheric and sensitive Modern Love, others through your contemplative and heartbreaking short form. Each story has its merits and purpose, and all of them share a Tacky trademark: the heartkick factor! Your talent has no limits and goes across different genres and tropes, that you explore with a bold twist full of personality and heart. And even more impressive is your consistency at always raising the bar - every new fic of yours becomes an instant fave and makes me think “wow I thought Tacky couldn’t get better yet here we are”. Seeing how your writing evolves as you find your narrative voice is a beautiful and humbling experience, I feel so lucky!

I’m really grateful for being active in the fandom at this moment in time, because that allows me to read and engage with your brilliant work, and to have you as a dear friend. I can’t wait to see what comes out of your beautiful brain next. It was an impossible job choosing a single fic to rec today, so I decided to do a belated Tacky reclist! Naturally these are my personal and biased must-reads, and I urge everyone to go check these beauties right now. Feel free to include your own favorites too, and don’t forget to leave them some appreciation.

Happy happy birthday my darling Tacky! This fandom life wouldn’t be the same without you. I hope you have the amazing day you deserve!

Between the Power Lines (2020, M, 3.2k)

The road trip fic you didn’t know you needed. I got utterly immersed in the heartbreaking quietness of this, feeling like a witness to an ordinary yet poignant love story. Such tender intimacy, such character development, such lovely American aesthetics with barely any dialogue. This is, IMO, the fic that reveals Tacky’s triumph in storytelling.

Even the Night (2020, M, 3.4k)

This fic has a surreal atmosphere, those Midsummer vibes unbelievably sexy and intoxicating linked to the sensorial experience of fumbling together in the night. Masterclass in tension building, a silky and languid dream-like affair.

Aim for my Heart (2021, M, 3.4k) - Harry/Draco/Ron

One of the most sensitive and stunning portraits I’ve ever seen of a poly/triad relationship, this fic packs so much character and longing! It’s a privilege to watch Ron and Draco’s tentative dynamics through the smitten eyes of the one person that loves them like no one else: Harry.

The Long Fall (2021, M, 3.6k)

I can’t even write about this tender domesticity without getting a lump in my throat. Best opening scene I’ve read in years, and a refreshing way to approach both mpreg and parenthood, painfully honest and lovely. This became an immediate comfort read for me, and it’s probably one of the fics I revisit the most.

Mortal Frame (2021, M, 6.6k)

This thrilling, fast-paced spy story left me breathless since the first paragraph, gods what an immersive ride! I’m so here for Drarry on the run, sharp and urgent with danger but mellowed by the silent trust and tender intimacy only Tacky can master. Major bonus points for the brilliant take on the Horcrux hunt plot line!

Last Offices (2020, M, 6.7k)

Oh, this fic 💔 I tend to avoid MCD but there’s something so deeply fascinating about body washing rituals that I caught myself mesmerized by this. I just couldn’t put it down, so emotionally compromised I felt. There’s a sort of strange comfort in the heartbreak of doing one last act of service out of devotion to someone. This fic inspired so many difficult but lovely feelings in me, and one of them was hope. Only Tacky could possibly achieve that!

Our Little Life (2020, M, 7.2k)

Inventive and singular, this story hit me straight on the solar plexus and left me speechless as I saw the (clever, magical and bittersweet) plot unravel. Such a fabulous take on alternate universes and all the angst potential behind it. Come and bask in the yearning melancholia of a short yet intricate and perfectly executed plot.

And One to Play (2019, E, 21k)

What a fun and delightful fic, I can’t have enough of pining Harry losing all sense of propriety when faced with a hot, competent and pragmatic Draco. This has fab dynamics, unhinged protectiveness, even more unhinged attraction between two idiots who can’t keep their hands off each other. A must-read for any Auror partners fan!

A Lick and a Promise (2019, E, 55k)

Hot, BAMF Professors carefully balancing a fuck buddies situation while solving a Hogwarts mystery, do we need anything else? I certainly do not. This fic is so fun and intriguing and immersive, with amazing supportive cast and a delicious get together feat secret shagging and oblivious pining. Love it!

Modern Love (2020, E, 61k)

My favorite read of 2020, this fic is a love letter to Drarry and will always hold a piece of my soul. Sensitive, wistful, tenderly aching and so very romantic, this is a Muggle Draco triumph with a superb Harry, exquisite slow burn and a side of suds comfort. I promise it will be impossible to listen to Bowie again without thinking of this love story.

Bonus: five stunning drabbles!

Something in the Way (2021, T, 119 words)

“Up,” he said, and Draco, sick with love, raised his arms above his head and allowed Potter to slide the jumper on him, big hands stroking it flat over Draco’s stomach until they both shivered.

Stir-Up Sunday (2020, M, 300 words)

“I want you always,” he said, tugging again on the fine curling length of it. “Is it okay to say that?”

Whalebone Arch (2021, M, 722 words)

“Are you still not talking to me?” Draco steered Harry towards the crisps. “Do I have to suck you off in the loo to cheer you up?”

Semiplume (2021, T, 923 words)

“Did you know,” Harry murmured, and he put his arms around Draco, fearless. “I’d be your mate. If you needed a mate, I mean.”

Relic Radiation (2021, M, 927 words)

“You’ll kill me,” Harry said, and Draco turned his face towards the darkened sky, lunar pale, his profile some stupid unearthly thing—a flaring blazar, a supernova—in the light from the kitchen window.

[oumakokichi]

So what do you think of Kaede and Kokichi's relationship? And if Kaede remained the protagonist how do you think it would change?

Considering it’s Kaede’s birthday today I think this is a really fun question to come back to!

Kaede is an absolutely amazing character, and I love how different her relationships with the rest of the cast feel from Saihara’s. She and Ouma have an especially interesting friendship in their FTEs together (one of Kaede’s FTEs with Ouma might be one of my favorite FTEs ever, really), so I don’t mind going a little more in-depth on my thoughts about their dynamic, as well as about how that dynamic and the story itself might’ve changed if Kaede had remained the protagonist!

Warning for spoilers as always, though I’m pretty sure most people know about the chapter 1 twist by now.

I think one of my absolute favorite things about Kaede is just how easy it is to get attached to her in such a short amount of time. She’s only around for the prologue and a single chapter, but despite that (or rather, because of the sheer length of the chapters in ndrv3, which tend to be much longer than dr1 or sdr2’s chapters), we still get to see so many different sides of her and just how complex of a character she really is. And I think that’s largely the reason for her continued popularity to this day: Kaede might not stay around for long, but we still really feel like we know her by the end of it.

And really, I think that’s pretty similar to how the actual characters feel about Kaede themselves. Despite how short her time is with all of them, she leaves such a powerful, lasting impression, even after her death. This is a pretty big change from previous DR games, where the chapter 1 culprits especially tend to suffer a pretty big lack of relevance or relationship to other characters in later chapters. Often times the victims are at least somewhat memorable (Maizono and the Impostor both at least come up a few times in their respective games), but characters like Leon or Teruteru just don’t feel like they have much of an impact on the other characters or the plot itself after their trials are finished.

This is totally different from Kaede, whose positive outlook and outgoing attitude already makes her fairly likable to most of the others, but who also openly invites the others to rely on her once she establishes herself as a leader figure fairly quickly in chapter 1. Most of the other characters latch onto her almost immediately, either because she seems so reliable and helpful (Saihara and Tenko in particular seem to like this about her), or because they can’t help but respect her and what she’s trying to do for the group (characters like Momota, who really values group cooperation, come to mind).

Personally, I think Ouma fell into the latter category. He and Kaede have something of a complicated relationship almost right from the get-go in chapter 1, but it’s still pretty clear that Ouma did respect Kaede a lot and recognized that she had the group’s best interests at heart, even if he didn’t always agree with her methods.

Likewise, I think Kaede was somewhat curious about Ouma and really wanted to get along with him, despite how difficult he could be. We see in Ouma’s introduction, both in the demo and the actual game, that Kaede clearly recognizes on some level that part of his annoying attitude is really just his way of teasing others, and that he doesn’t seem particularly malicious. More specifically, she describes him as “having a childish streak that makes him hard to hate,” which is a pretty spot-on description of Ouma in a nutshell. In short, she knew he was annoying and childish (on purpose, most of the time) but she definitely didn’t think of him as evil or cruel. This may in part also be because she didn’t live long enough to see him embrace the fake villain routine by the end of chapter 4, of course.

Ouma has a few teasing remarks throughout most of the game, but it’s not really until the death road of despair is discovered that he and Kaede butt heads for the very first time. This is because of a big, fundamental difference between their ideologies: while both of them very much have the group’s best interests at heart, they completely disagree when it comes to whether it’s worth it to cooperate as a team or not.

By the end of the game, Ouma is extremely paranoid, refusing to cooperate with absolutely anyone unless it’s out of some mixture of chance and necessity (such as working with Momota in chapter 5). He keeps all his cards close to the chest, and refuses to confide in or trust any of his remaining classmates, believing it’s fully possible any of them could be the ringleader.

But before the events of chapter 4, we see that he’s actually not opposed to the idea of selective cooperation. He strikes up a tentative collaboration with Miu early on, commissioning her to create some extremely useful inventions with the intent of using them to try and end the killing game. He also extends an invitation of cooperation to both Kaede (in one of her FTEs) and Saihara (in chapter 4, in the parlor of the VR world), though he goes about this in such a sly, underhanded, and off-putting way that both of them shoot his offer down flat. Even he’s not beyond the idea of teaming up with people he perceives as “useful” or “smart,” as long as it’s a much smaller, one-on-one effort rather than trusting or working with the entire group.

By contrast, Kaede is someone who believes that group unity is almost a necessity if they want to escape the killing game. This is very much in line with the role she establishes for herself as a leader. Unlike characters like Momota, who has always sort of longed to embrace a “hero” role, or Saihara, who is considerably more awkward and unwilling to be a leader because of how guilty he feels, Kaede’s role is much more about boosting and maintaining the group’s morale.

This is lampshaded several times by the classical music pieces that she references, often in an attempt to either clam the others down or fire them up at the idea of working together and escaping. It’s also a fantastic little clue that her own positive outlook is something a bit more crafted than it seems on the surface; she always tries to be optimistic about things and face her problems head-on, but that’s in large part because she tries to energize herself and present that reliable, dependable persona to the rest of the group. In short, she believes that if she reveals her own uncertainty or lack of faith in her plans, the rest of the group’s trust and morale will fall too.

Like I mentioned, this difference in their outlook is really what begins to cause problems for them once they discover the death road of despair in chapter 1. Kaede sees the tunnel as their one opportunity to escape without having to rely on the killing game itself; even if it’s extremely difficult and damn near impossible to get through it, the chance of injury is a risk she’s willing to take, no matter how many times they have to start over. But Ouma disagrees with this mindset and criticizes her in front of the entire group, pointing out how everyone else is already exhausted and even injured, and saying that she has no right to make that decision for the rest of them.

He even goes a step further and accuses her of strong-arming the rest of them by “denying them the right to give up in an impossible situation.” He claims that by positing herself as an inspirational figure, she has the “moral high-ground” no matter what the rest of them do or say, and clearly doesn’t think it’s possible for them to continue down the death road without someone getting seriously injured, or worse.

These harsh words really take Kaede aback, especially since most of the rest of the group seems to more or less agree with Ouma. She’s extremely hurt—not just by the fact that no one seems to really want to keep going with her plan, but also, I think, because she felt as if Ouma was right on some level. In my opinion, this is why she cries once she’s alone in her room later: because she did feel as though she’d forced everyone else to go along with an unreasonable plan. It’s the first time that we really see the cracks in her leader persona beginning to show, as well as the self-doubt that she carries.

I honestly think many people who dislike Ouma on their first playthrough of the game may have started here, right at this moment. Because so much of this seems to be fairly black-or-white initially—Kaede is presented as the unequivocally good heroine, trying to get everyone to work together and escape, and Ouma by contrast seems mean and unreasonable for arguing with her in front of everyone. We’re not supposed to linger on the fact that he makes several good points about everyone else’s safety and exhaustion because how he goes about it is off-putting and unlikable.

Not only that, but we as first-time players aren’t supposed to know about all the similarities that Ouma and Kaede actually have in common, despite their differences on the matter of group cooperation. We’re not supposed to know just yet that they both want to save the group, no matter what it takes, or that both of them are willing to go to extreme, sometimes morally grey measures in order to try and stop the killing game. We’re not supposed to know right away that Ouma can be every bit as self-sacrificing as Kaede, despite the selfish things that he says in front of the others, or that when push comes to shove, Kaede is willing to lie almost as much as he is.

We don’t know any of that, initially—which is why that scene hits so hard and sets Ouma up to be so unpleasant. But I think going back on a replay and evaluating it again is pretty interesting specifically because of all these similarities that I’ve listed. The fact that they clash here is especially interesting, given the sort of roles they embody to the rest of the group, with Kaede deliberately choosing to be someone that the entire group relies on and finds trustworthy, while Ouma later sets himself up to become a villain who’s hated by everyone. And despite this, their goals are largely one and the same: expose the ringleader and end the killing game.

I think it’s specifically because Kaede realized she couldn’t continue pushing everyone to do the things she wanted them to, no matter how badly she wanted everyone to cooperate and escape together, and that’s ultimately why she turns to Plan B when she hears from Saihara about the bookshelf hiding the ringleader’s lair in the library. And for all that she does want to trust and cooperate with everyone else, she actually goes about this plan in the most Ouma-like way possible: by doing everything herself and without telling anyone her real intentions, not even Saihara.

Something I especially like about Kaede as a character is just how nuanced she is. Because she is simultaneously the brave, trustworthy, outgoing protagonist that we see her as, but she’s also so, so much more than that. She’s fiercely determined and cares about everyone else, yes, but it’s also because she cares so much that she’s willing to do things like lie and attempt murder behind everyone else’s back.

If we look at the audition videos as any sort of clue as to what the characters might’ve been like before the start of the game, I do think there was a somewhat more skeptical, cynical side of Kaede deep down that didn’t quite trust other people—and that’s all the more reason she wanted to trust them and work together with all of them, because she knew exactly how hard it was to do so. It’s such an interesting contrast from Ouma, who could easily have used all his lies and charm to cooperate with people if he wanted to, but who instead continually pushes people away because of his skepticism, all the while pretending to act completely arrogant and self-assured in his plans. Deep down, I think both of them were much more vulnerable than they were ever willing to show in front of other people.

And I think by the end of chapter 1, Ouma became more or less aware of that side of Kaede, once she confesses everything she tried to do to end the killing game. Prior to this, I personally think Ouma still very much liked and respected her guts and her attempts at leading the group, but that he ultimately thought she was doomed by her reliance on trust and cooperation when they didn’t even know who the ringleader was within their group. But I think that after hearing just how far she was willing to go to stop the killing game, including but not limited to lying to everyone else and going behind their backs with her own plan, he couldn’t help but respect her even more. Despite his accusations that she was too soft or naïve for trusting everyone else, her actual attempted solution was far closer to his own outlook than he initially gave her credit for.

This is why, just before Kaede is about to be executed, Ouma drops all of his usual acts and facades with her and gives her a sincere goodbye, telling her that she “wasn’t boring.” And this is really the highest compliment someone like Ouma can give: she did take him by surprise and surpass all his expectations from her, and I do believe he was genuinely sad to see her go when she attempted such a huge sacrifice for everyone else’s sakes.

Truly, the only part of her plan that I think he disagreed with was the act of (attempted) murder in and of itself. He felt that despite her good intentions, she had “crossed a line” that shouldn’t be crossed, and that she fell into the ringleader’s trap the moment the idea of murder crossed her mind. Considering how much DICE’s “no murder” taboo guided Ouma throughout the game, it’s not surprising at all that this is where he disagreed with Kaede. Though ironically, he himself crosses the same line in chapter 4 when he decides the only possible solution to Miu’s attempt on his life is to kill her himself, and therefore winds up getting his hands dirty without ever directly committing murder, much like Kaede herself.

Questioning how they might’ve gotten along if Kaede had actually lived past chapter 1 and continued being the game’s protagonist is interesting, mainly because so many factors would change as a result. Kaede and Saihara are so fundamentally different as protagonists, and Kaede herself is much more in line with what we would expect from a Hope’s Peak protagonist instead. Kodaka himself has described her in an interview as being extremely similar to Asahina, and I personally think she’s something of a combination between Asahina’s outgoing attitude and Maizono’s carefully crafted façade (not to mention moral ambiguity). So it stands to reason that the game and its themes wouldn’t quite be the same if Kaede were still the protagonist.

On the one hand, I do think there would be interesting potential for a possible alliance between her and Ouma, especially given how similar they could both be. Ouma himself proposes such an alliance to her in one of his FTEs, though she does get angry and shoots him down, as I mentioned earlier. But it’s interesting to consider if Kaede might’ve been more willing to cooperate in smaller, one-on-one alliances if she had attempted her plan in chapter 1 and failed without getting executed for it.

There’s also the fact that Ouma claims to remember her and everyone else adamantly in his FTEs with her, even going so far as to claim that she and everyone else forgot about him, even though he never forgot about them. It’s unclear whether he’s referring to his memories from before the game still being intact (which is likely, since he’s pretty skeptical of the flashback lights right away), or if there’s some other explanation for it, but personally, I don’t think it can be dismissed as a complete lie. Even if Kaede herself accuses him of lying and making it all up, he goes uncharacteristically blank and claims that “even he’s not that good at lying.”

This adds huge potential to Kaede sticking around, as there could easily be an underlying mystery element. In addition to the trials themselves and the mystery of the outside world, it’d be very possible to explore their dynamic further, as well as why Ouma said the things he did and if he was actually telling the truth about knowing her and everyone else from before. Kaede is absolutely persistent enough that I feel like she would’ve pressed him for details about this, especially once it became clear in the main plot that their memories were unreliable.

On the other hand, it’s really unclear if Ouma would’ve still been willing to offer that alliance to Kaede once she had attempted to commit murder. Assuming the events of chapter 1 stay more or less the same and the only difference is that Kaede survives instead of getting executed, this raises some potential problems with Ouma actually working together with her or trusting her. She did, as he puts it, “cross the line”—even if her murder attempt wasn’t successful, Ouma claims that she was already too far gone the moment she even considered murder as a possible solution. This could definitely cause another clash of opinions between them, especially as Ouma is much too paranoid to work directly with anyone who he thinks might kill him.

Another potential source of conflict in my opinion is the Hope’s Peak flashback light in chapter 5. Unlike Saihara, who deals primarily with questions of “truth or lies” and is ultimately able to see through Tsumugi’s false ultimatum in chapter 6 with the choice of either the “hope ending” or “despair ending,” Kaede is, as I mentioned, much more in line with what you’d expect from a Hope’s Peak protagonist. She’s extremely smart of course, but she has a bit of a reckless, headstrong streak where she tends to act based on emotion rather than reason, and this could get her into quite a lot of trouble once Tsumugi started rewriting everyone’s memories in chapter 5.

Saihara was able to see that both of the choices Tsumugi presented in the final trial were bullshit and would ultimately keep the cycle of Danganronpa ongoing, but I’m not entirely sure if Kaede would realize the same thing, or even if she did eventually realize it, I’m not sure it would’ve been in time to stop it. Because of her self-sacrificing nature, I personally think she would’ve chosen to be one of the sacrifices for the sake of “hope,” much like Amami presumably did in season 52. This ultimately means that Kaede sticking around might have ultimately led to a “bad end” of sorts, where even if the rest of the group went free aside from her and one other sacrifice, Danganronpa itself never gets dismantled and lives to see another season.

The only possible way I see for Kaede to avoid falling into this trap and making this choice is if enough of her classmates rubbed off on her or helped her see things in less black-or-white terms like “hope” or “despair,” and in more nuanced shades of grey instead. But considering how completely fooled almost everyone was in the actual events of the game, it’s difficult to say if this would happen. She would definitely need to talk and debate with someone who viewed the flashback lights a lot more skeptically, whether it was Saihara or Ouma (or maybe even Angie), before she could reach the truth about what Tsumugi and Team Danganronpa were really after.

This analysis has gotten pretty long by this point, so I’ll just wrap things up by saying that I really do love Kaede and Ouma’s friendship, and I think they had more potential of getting along than either of them might’ve realized in canon. Despite their fundamental differences, both of them were two characters who went farther than almost anyone else in trying to stop the killing game, and both of them weren’t afraid of getting their hands dirty if necessary. I think the fact that Ouma claims to remember Kaede and everyone else from before the killing game is super interesting, and I would’ve absolutely loved to see it touched on more if Ouma had lived longer.

All in all, Kaede is such an amazing, morally grey character who really helps to establish what we can expect from the rest of the game, and I think that’s part of what makes her so memorable. Maybe one day we’ll get some sort of DR:IF equivalent where we get a semi-canon look into a scenario where everyone lives, and hopefully there we could see not only more of Kaede being a protagonist figure, but also more of her interactions with Ouma and everyone else.

[nightswithkookmin]

Hi Goldy, JK was bold in the past, around 2017-2019 (to me, gcf & rosebowl can be considered as ‘coming out’). But it seems he now prefers to stay closeted? E.g. he snatched JM’s hand in the Xylitol x BTS shoot, then looked at the camera. Holding hands is normal among members… a lot of his interactions with Jin, V and other members are more intimate than holding hands… his reaction makes me feel like he wants me to pretend I didn’t know…?

Sorry I've been a bit AWOL lately...

I'm busy being the man of my woman's dreams in a cis het anti black capitalist world

Fun times.

I saw that bit, uWu-ed and kept it pushing.

It's nothing new really. I think a few months back when I was out here screaming Jikook are toning down, acting super professional around the cameras yadda yadda people out here were looking at me like I'd lost my two delulu heads- but this segues into that theme for me and since I've exhausted the topic I don't know what else to add.

I've said before they've both been very conscious of the cameras within certain periods post October- again nothing new, they be like that every now and then every season every phase and the whys will always be up for debate in these ship streets- on that subject, I've read a lot of opinions yet I think like mine better and will stick to it. Thanks Kimberly of Delulu precinct. Walk along now. Lol.

Jimin was like that during the Coway behind the scene shoot too when he noticed the cameras and quickly elbowed Jk to draw him away from the gaze of the cameras.

I don't think it's because they stopped being 'bold' or want to pretend. It takes a lot of courage to even pretend or even perform the gay in front of the world and your peers. I think they are just awfully aware and conscious of the people they work with as well as corporation's growing awareness, intentions and interests in them. You just never know which saessang is moonlighting as a brand PA or marketing director for a company they are working with. You just never know who is watching especially whenever they have to work with these 'outsiders.'

Think of Dispatch. Were they not allies or business partners, they'd be careful around them too if they worked with them. Know what I mean?

Toning down and exercising caution is necessary sometimes. I don't know why some people think that's absurd or Tuktukkerish when I say stuff like that. Especially with the kind of reputation they have as a ship and just how commercially attractive that image is. It's common sense at this point if you ask me.

Jikook sells. Argue with the analytics. I don't know who thinks they don't. Must be the clowns and penguins. They sell period. BigHit knows this, BTS knows this, companies know this. We don't scream Jikook is a brand within a brand for no reason.

And a lot of the toning down in recent times has perhaps inadvertently mitigated that growing power and demand of them as a marketing resource- who knows, that could have as well been by design, intentionally instigated for obvious reasons which I argue is the case but don't mind me. I'm delusional, gay and apparently the man of my woman's dreams uWu. Gotta wear that pants in my relationship. Ayaya Hwaiting.

When you say he prefers to stay closested- I thought they are both closested already?? They both have never been fully out in our opinion. Yes our opinion because I feel we are like minded. Let's be delulu mates.

On the topic of closets, I want to save that for a separate post. What I can say though is they are both growing and maturing and learning and unlearning. Jungkook's desire to 'come out' or act reckless with his glass closet in my opinion stemmed from him placing more value on his personal happiness over other values perhaps because he was young and hadn't fully grasped the full and complex nature of happiness or understand the privilege he has as part of BTS.

We make decisions based on our values most times. It's how I make sense of their actions really. I'm more likely to assume things that are consistent with the values they each have expressed openly and tend to reject any theory that contradicts or is inconsistent with those values. A guy who values his career is less likely to act in a way that puts that career at risk. And I'm well aware their values evolve over time.

These days he has never quit as one of his mottos next to rather dead than cool- do you see the contradictions in those values? Rather dead means quitting life. Yet now he says never quit. Don't mind me. I'm in a grumpy mood.

But what I'm saying is, the desire to want to show the world who this person means to him is not fixed or a priority all the time. Now i think he values his career a lot more than before which means he is more likely to compromise and less likely to do things that may put that career in jeopardy.

Transferring that to his relationship, I don't expect him to be breaching the glass closet anytime soon. And if he do, it might be incidental and may carry with it consequences which I believe he is well aware and concious of now. Will that change? You bet. Again it depends a lot on what his values in a given moment are and which ones he prioritizes.

It's their relationship. They chose which aspects of it they want to share with the cameras. Some of it get written off as fanservice. Fair enough. But the nonfanservice passing moments has always been questionable- although I must say, I find all Jikook moments and interactions questionable lol.

It's just skinship. Holding hands I mean. Why would he be conscious of that right? II'vetalked about consequences and repercussions of their actions. Sometimes I think it's the off screen scolding that gets to him. The ones silently whispered at his back. I mean we saw his reaction when Jimin was getting scolded by the hyungs for sleeping late. He's talked about skipping sleep too if I recall correctly. Jimin is hyung and I know the hyungs expect him to know better and do better. I'd Imagine Jimin would equally scold JK if his actions reflected poorly on him too.

So why the hell would he not say anything to Jungkook for posting on his birthday when he hadn't posted at all for any hyung's??? Sigh.

It's sad his guards are back up- but it's for good reason I believe given the context of the situation.

I don't think dramatizing his dynamic with Jimin makes him bold. Nor does Jimin's propensity to over express himself with Jungkook mean he loves Jungkook more than. Both are extreme takes for me.

Nevertheless, I contrast that moment with a Tae Kook moment which is one of my favorite tuktukk moments. In this moment, JK is staring at Jimin, his whole body turned towards him. Tae notices the cameras and draws JK's attention to it. I think there are two such moments like that from the recent contents? I don't know I have to cross check.

Tae in that moment reminded me a lot of Jimin. Jimin does this too- play out their relationship infront of the cameras to the point one might say he likes to show off their bond- which is such a BTS thing to do too so no big deal. I mean they like to show off their bond and chemistry as Tae said a while back.

It's one thing for JK to hesitate to act with a member because of the cameras, it's another for him to act self conscious only after the fact.

And JK has always been him like this with Jimin as Jimin used to say- JK acts different with me off cameras than he is on camera. He had a history of suppressing himself around Jimin owing in part to his personality

He's talked about putting on a mask around people and in a recent interview Jimin have talked about pretending and acting one way when he's not- I mean I've ever talked about the boy being in love with the Maknae being a facade- one of many.

They have public personas which, from what BTS themselves say, looks slightly different or similar to what we see on screens- or that they've grown to be more like what we see on screens.

I guess what I'm getting at is that 'pretending' isn't exactly a new thing or out of the ordinary. Personally I'd say he's being conscious of his surroundings like Jimin was and not that he is 'pretending.' If you know what I mean.

If he's pretending he has good reason to I believe and we can only speculate on that- we can't know for sure why.

If Jikook is fanservice then there's no need for either of them to worry about the cameras picking up on their interactions or who's watching them.

What goes on in Tae's head? I wanna know.

I don't know where to direct this post because you didn't really ask a question.

I'm fine thanks for asking. I'm really fine. I'm thinking of joining Jimin in the gym at 3am to bench press and build some biceps to match my role in my relationship😒

And no I don't need any advice. Keep it.

This is going to be my attitude until we switch back😐

I'm gonna be a boyfriend from hell and a blogger from satan's ass.

Also I think I overshare💀

GOLDY

[cinnamonest]

I don't even necessarily have trigger warnings for this, drugging and public humiliation and power dynamic I guess but it's just... Disgusting... And I'm subjecting you to it anyway

---------------------

Being the firey, outspoken, defiant leader of something like... A crime ring... Another nation... Maybe a god, even. But you've been taken over for some time now... Maybe by another god or some similar pseudo-deity like adepti, maybe it's more human and like either knights or Fatui or smth and you gotta go to a meeting! Bc I mentioned before Zhongli taking you to work but also what if the adepti had to congregate? He'd take you along for sure. Or Childe/Scara to Fatui meetings or Kaeya to knight ones.

BUT before you go in, they give you just... Smth to drink... Promise it's to keep you calm, but of course it's the opposite.

Being made to wear nothing but the most revealing lingerie or maybe just nothing at all. Being lowered down and forced to cockwarm him the entire time. And told you have to sit still, and don't curl in on yourself, because people want to see you you know. But you start to get all warm and fuzzy and horny and you're just trembling bc there's dick inside you hitting your insides and nothing you can do, he's got an iron grip holding you down.

But my favorite thing is the way they talk about you like you're a pet or a baby, in third person. You accidentally let out a moan bc you shifted and accidentally pressed against just to where it hits good and draw attention and the whole room goes silent, it's horrifyingly embarrassing, so he just clears his throat and apologizes along the lines of "sorry about that, she doesn't know any better. I'm still working on conditioning her." And making you apologize in a babytalk voice like. "Now what do you say when you interrupted people? Good."

They ask about you and he's just like "oh, if I didn't have her being filled up like this she'd be restless and causing a scene with her humping my legs, so I just went ahead and sedated her with cock so she won't move around too much." Loudly telling you to be sure you don't stain his pants with your slick, and be sure not to drool on anything like you tend to do. Because you kinda are - drool is leaking down your chin, and wetness is just pouring out of you like a fountain. All the other members of whatever it is laugh about how you must really be nothing more than a dumb little cocksleeve, so horny you don't even have the decency to act appropriately to where you are.

And he agrees. The only thing you ever think about is dick. Which he's quickly learned, you're practically insatiable. In fact, just being here today is actually supposed to be training on holding still, since you're always trying to hump and grind him all the time.

And they're curious about you too! Wanting to know where he bought you if a slave or what conquered group/nation or defeated god you were taken from. Asking how many times a day do you cum, how easily do you cum? He kinda laughs and just talks about how even he's kinda discouraged because he didn't even know girls like this existed, ones that just lived to be fucked and thought about nothing else all day, even he's struggling to keep up. Look at you even now, trembling and out of your mind, mouth open and just twitching while he holds your hips down. He tells them he has to keep a good grip on you or you'd just start bouncing up and down.

He tells them not to direct any questions to you, you're far too unintelligent to understand anything they say. Think of her like a dog, he says. Only smart enough to do what it's master says and have a vague idea of what's going on around it, but that's all.

Oh, but then one notices, wasn't that the little thing that used to be the leader of this or that? All reduced to a dripping, whimpering little mess, a decoration to be paraded around as a pretty little trophy. How pathetic. He sighs and says he's not sure exactly what happened, but something about getting fucked by him ignited some change in your brain until you were like this all the time. He must have triggered something inside of you to give in.

But eventually it becomes too much, and you keep distracting them with little whimpers even though they're now trying to focus on actual important mathers. So he just kinda sheepishly laughs and apologizes, looks like you're not quite ready for this yet, he'll have to go put you away for the remainder and promises that by next time meetings roll around, he'll have worked a bit more on the taming process and make sure you're more well behaved for them.

Fucks you for good measure when he takes you back to the room, since you clearly need it, mocking you for how poorly you handled yourself. He doesn't know what you're talking about when you slur out accusations of being drugged. No, he didn't drug you. This is just how you are. You still have too much pride to accept that.

And leaves you still twitching and whimpering and unbearably warm, but promises to come back later once they're done. Maybe next time you can control yourself well enough to stay the whole time.

[arcane-ish]

Thinking smutty Mel x Silco dynamics

@magalimoons said: That makes sense re Silco’s dodgy imaginings but I think it could be done in a hot way, like it’d be dome rough power play but not necessarily demeaning. Yes re Mel and potentially going into dark shit w/women lovers.

I guess my way of thinking was that when Silco talks about his motivations in Act 1 and him and Vander go back and forth about respect, I always got the impression that deep down he wants to humiliate the topsiders. So I tend to picture that he would fantasize about humiliating scenarios if it was about top siders (ie make her crawl, make her beg, smudge her makeup, pull and mess up her hair, make her cry, make her choke on it, enjoy my power over them when I always felt powerless vis a vis the topsiders, make her fear me). 

Which you know, can work for some people, but I tend to enjoy fantasies more when I can at least imagine the other person would be into it if they knew about it, and here I just can’t with Mel. 

(I think I’ve said before, I find it very telling that imo it doesn’t come across that Mel enjoys the power difference between her and Jayce. Like I do feel like maybe she enjoys that she is more experienced than him and she enjoys teaching him (in regards to politics), but she generally does everything to raise him to her level (ie making his house a major house). Rather than getting a kick out of being with somebody who is clearly below her in rank. So I just think powerplay/aggressive roleplay power play wouldn’t be her thing, particularly with male partners.)

I thought about the Silco fantasizing about Mel concept some more, I guess if he knew her better and respected her, I guess I could imagine a scenario where he imagines her as the dominant or seductive one and I guess that could work better (for some reason my mind suggests him doing foot worship on her and fantasizing about her giving him a foot job [because that would preserve the distance between them/would be her keeping him at foot’s length, would perserve the dynamic that he can’t fully have and touch her, or maybe him fantasizing about her riding him and teasing him with her hair]). 

Re: Mel and Woman: I kind of imagine that any relationship with a woman where there is any sort of age difference would get very emotionally messy for Mel very quickly (like whether you think Mel x Caitlyn* or Mel x Grayson or of course any OC), regardless of whether she was the younger or the older one in the relationship. And I tend to see Mel as a smart cookie who would hence avoid relationships like that because she is aware of her own weaknesses and want to steer clear of them or only deal with them in a very “calculated risk” kind of way. (huh I guess I kind of headcanon at her having that point of view somewhat in common with her mother who sent Mel away because Mel could be her weakness, at the same time I think we clearly see her experimenting with some weakness/letting herself be softer with Jayce, but again, I feel in a very soft calculated risk kind of way) (I guess that could be a fun dynamic for a Mel x female character story, for her to be all “I normally don’t do that, but with you I just can’t stay away, for you I’m making the exception”)

Sidenote: If there was a flirtation/tension between Mel and Silco, I tend to head canon Mel as somebody who is quite loyal in relationships and who wouldn’t just cheat on Jayce, somebody who would end the relationship before starting new and who wouldn’t end the relationship easily (because investment). (which brings an interesting plot bunny of like a scene where things end between Jayce and Mel in a bitter way somehow and Silco comments on it, like I can picture him definitelly as the guy who goes “What a fool Talis was, had no idea what he had, bad things should happen to him” and Mel would appreciate it/it would at least make her smile in that situation (because she is vulnerable to Jayce))

Circling back on Mel and woman, actually when I think about it, that is like one of the few ways I can picture a (dark/dead dove do not eat) Mel x Silco to come about. Like let’s say he is in a situation where he regularly hangs out at the council and one day he comes across Mel’s mom and a lightbulb goes off and it’s very “now I finally get Mel’s personality”. Like now he understands her inner insecurites and can imagine a way he would pressure her into bed (by poking at her insecurities and taunting her about he rmother). (and because she is a topsider I could picture him have no moral qualms about it, because top siders deserve anything bad happening to them)  

I think that’s kind of one of the differences between them, where imo Mel’s way of manipulating people to me feels a bit more celebral and fair, manipulating people’s wants. While Silco’s style of manipulation to me seems more about understanding people’s weaknesses and poking at them (Marcus springs to mind). Like even when he is positively inspiring he tries to get people to recall past indignities to rally them to him. 

Sidenote again: I’m genuinely curious what would the dynamic have been if through some timeline differences if Mel had ever come across a young, pre-injury Silco. Again, looking at Jayce and looking at young!Silco, I’m still pretty sure that spindly Silco wouldn’t have been her type, but I could picture her being kind to him and having pity on him. And I could picture as less jaded, more idealistic young Silco crushing on her like crazy (and her being very “letting him down gently/I’m flattered but you are not my type”). 

Sidenote of Sidenote: Now Mel and young Vander ... now that I could picture be a temptation for her, to hit that at least for a one night stand. 

(maybe that would be a fun setting for a fic, where like Mel is trying to find out more about her enemies and consults a Noxian or Shuriman mage to let her peer into the past or even walk around in the past for a short time and attend like a planning meeting of young Silco and young Vander)

[though I guess it’s not completely impossible that young!Mel might have attended a revolutionary meeting undercover out of curiosity pre Vander&Silco fallout? Like if you buy into the whole concept that the fallout happened around the time Vander took in Vi and Powder that would then be only a couple of years before Act 1, so that could have been Mel around age 20]

* sidenote of sidenote: I could picture super delish dynamics in a Mel x Caitlyn fic. Like maybe some amount of sneaking around/forbidden love/forbidden fruit because Mel works with Cait’s mom and doesn’t necessarily want Cait’s mom to know. Or Mel trying to give Cait advice how to handle her mother in a more diplomatic manner. (firmly thinking pre Act 2 here, so no Cait having met Vi yet and no Mel dating Jayce)

[stellocchia]

Here’s an analysis of the “Tommy’s Plan To Kill Dream” stream (part 1)

I noticed that my “overly long” analysis always tend to be about extremely depressing streams, so here’s me trying to change that and failing miserably because I can find angst literally everywhere!

As usual I’ll be talking about the characters only unless stated otherwise from here on out. 

The whole thing is under the cut because, as the name of this “series” suggest, I’m phisycally incapable of keeping things short

Before we proceed with the analysis we need a quick overview of Tommy’s relationship with the people he interacts with this stream so that we can all start with the same mindset: 

Tommy & Tubbo: They have obviously been very close friends since the beginning but recently Tommy has developed a sort of dependence on Tubbo which really isn’t healthy. This of course is a direct result of his second exile and his mindset moving forward after that. While with Dream and then Techno Tommy was extremely isolated and made to depend entirely on the one person providing for him. He continued this even after Doomsday, this time developing an extreme dependence on Tubbo that culminated with the line “What am I without you?” (basing your entire identity around someone else is not healthy, who’d have thought?). With the developing of the hotel post-finale he expands his system of support to include Sam and Sam Nook, but this is of course ruined with the prison arc. Tommy doesn’t trust Sam any longer and, while he still cares deeply about Sam Nook, he’s not someone that can give him emotional support. So he went back to rely soley on Tubbo (though it’s obvious throughout the stream that he’s tentatively doing so with Ranboo as well)

Tommy & Ranboo: The two of them used to be sort of close before Doomsday, Ranboo still very much admiring Tommy and considering him a friend. Thet said Ranboo is not in the very small circle of people who Tommy trusts and finding him married to his best friend and moving in together with a child didn’t help his perception of him. He feels replaced by Ranboo and sort of feels like he “stole” the only system of support he had that he could count on. Though there is a beginning of change throughout the stream. 

Tommy & Ghostbur: Their relationship is really interesting. Tommy is pretty obviously one of Ghostbur’s unfinished businesses (possibly the only one now that L’Manburg is gone) and most definitely his priority. He was the only one who offered to go with Tommy during exile and he tried to be there for him constantly. Even his return this time was Tommy-motivated as we know from what he said in Ranboo’s stream. Meanwhile Tommy’s feelings on him are very complicated. He swings between recognizing that Alivebur and Ghostbur are different entities to conflating them together any time he has a strong reminder of Alivebur (at the beginning of exile and after spending time with Void!Wilbur for example). He also has only very recently come to the full realisation that Wilbur was awful to him and that their relationship was definitely not healthy (something we can infer from him finally taking a stance on not wanting him back and him admitting that Wilbur is good at manipulating him).

Now that that’s done, let’s get into the analysis!

“Oh I forgot I died, didn’t I?” So, Tommy is in a very peculiar situation where he has to somehow process his own death and, at the moment, he’s still in a state of denial about it. He knows he died but he acts like he didn’t in the sense that he hates how it affects his life. He doesn’t want people to treat him any different (even though he IS different), he doesn’t want to acknowledge the changesto the world nor to his relationships, which is the reason why he dislikes the statues of himself so much (that and the fact that he simply never liked to have statues of him). They act as a constant phisycal reminder of what happened to him and, more importantly, how much things changed in his absence. 

One other reason why change scares him so much it’s because of how often he’s alienated from the world around him. He spent more time in exile/prison then in his own home since L’Manburg got it’s independence. He is constantly forced to live in an isolated bubble while the world around him moves forward and then, when he gets thrown back in he is never really given much time to adapt and catch up before he is thrown once more into the role of the hero/villain that he despises (after the 16th for example he was painted as a liability at his first mistake and put on trial etc despite how much he did for the country. Again after Doomsday he had the Dream fight to think about and, after that, Sam Nook asked him again to be the hero against the Egg and he, once again, was villanized by the Team Rocket. Now again he finds himself in the position where he has to take action against Dream once more).

So the stream really starts with Tommy deciding to contact Tubbo to get some help in his plan to kill Dream. He heads to Snowchester to do so (stopping before that to build Sam Nook a little wooden platform to keep him out of the rain).

On the way to Snowchester he gets trapped in the tunnel and almost drowns, making him break the glass of the tunnel. This is triggering for him for a couple of reasons (aside from drowning generally being not pog): exile reminder of his waking up drowning every day and taking damage in general seems to be a reminder of his death (he also seems to be hypersensitive in general in regard to phisycal sensations) 

The whole mansion scene is a further indicator of this new dynamic between Tubbo, Ranboo and Tommy. Tubbo and Ranboo grew extremely close as we know (got married for tax benefits, adopted a child together and, apparently, canonically fell in love after) and they are planning to move in together with their son in the mansion. This, once again, all happened while Tommy was locked in prison. The feelings of alienation for him in the situation are prevalent together with his jealousy at Ranboo as he perceives him as his replacement. 

“You married someone without me- without my permission?” “Okay, can I have your permission?” “Does he make you happy?” “Yes” “then ye- okay” Just... I’m a softie and I think that it’s very sweet that his only requirement to give his blessing is Ranboo making Tubbo happy. We stan a unconditionally supportive friend! 

“Ranboo listen, let me open up to you pal! I- I’ve been through a pretty rough time recently and- (”Yeah I can tell”) and I know that we were kind of close before I went into prison, but then you ki- Tubbo would you mind looking at that flower a bit more? You kinda stole my best friend, and that’s kinda- you know now I feel kind of very lonely- actually feel very lonely” “I didn’t steal...” “And my other friend who then turned out to be my enemy is actually dead. So I’m kinda feeling a little bit left out here, and considering I was locked in a prison for 4 weeks...” “Yeah, no, I mean... I didn’t- I didn’t steal...” “No no no no, you did, you did, didn’t you? You did!” That was a big piece of dialogue there to transcribe! Regardless Tommy doing my job for me here by literally spelling out for us how he feels about Ranboo. One thing to be noted though is that Ranboo remains calm and keeps an understanding attitude in all his interactions with Tommy. He constantly tries to be reasonable (trying to explain that he didn’t “steal” Tubbo as, you know, he has his own free will and can have more then one friend) and generally just doesn’t get mad. Keeping a non-confrontational attitude is probably the best thing he could have done here.

So after that exchange Tommy opens up to them a bit about Dream, explaining what he’s planning.

“The revive book is too much and he (Dream) is too powerful and he’s only gonna use it for evil now! He is an evil man and he used it- he used ME to prove a point and to experiment on me” “Oh my God, like a lab rat!” “Like a- like a- worse then a lab rat! A lab- a lab sock!” “A lab sock?! No!” “Oh God!” “Oh my God” This is the first time in the conversation where Tommy’s gone more in depth about his traumatic experience (though he did mention before that “Dream asked him about it” in reference to his revival). It’s honestly a really big positive that he’s opening up to someone, even if it is other two teenagers who can’t do much but be sympathetic to him. 

“I think it’s good. You don’t actually know this but I’ve been- I’ve been collecting some data, but, honestly... I’m not sure is a too good of an idea” “You said it was good” “No no  no, I didn’t mean it was good in the sense of we should-” “Ranboo’s changed you, Ranboo’s changed you! He’s manipulating you! He’s manipulative and controlling” So 2 things to unpack here:

1) Tubbo hesitance comes from both him being on his last life and how things went during the season 2 finale. He isn’t too optimistic about their chances of killing Dream (even with Dream being completely unarmed in the prison) and he’s also less passively suicidal then he was during the finale, probably because he managed to build a life for himself now. He has a home, a family and Snowchester, he doesn’t wanna loose those.

2) Because of very obvious reasons (Wilbur being abusive, Dream being abusive, Techno isolating and manipulating him and then siding with his abuser and Sam betraying his trust) Tommy views all relationships aside from his with Tubbo in a negative lense. Basically he has HUGE trust issues and he’s so used to his relationships having usually some degree of manipulation (exept for Sam, who still entirely broke his trust. Also recently found out Jack had been lying and trying to kill him as well, which probably didn’t help the issue) that he just assumes that must be the case for Tubbo and Ranboo as well. Both of them of course are fast to correct him on this as that’s really not the case. 

“So why don’t you want him to bring Wilbur back now? What suddenly changed?” “I spent months in the death... area- let’s call it ‘the death zone’, with Wilbur alright?” “The death zone?” “I spent months there. I spent months and months and months there and I was only there for a few days, Wilbur’s been there for real months. He is so different and he is fucking powerful and you know how he molds me like a piece of clay, Tubbo. (hushed) I don’t want him to come back” So here we have Tommy’s admission to Wilbur’s manipulation and how effective it is on him (most probably because of how close they used to be). We also have another hint about how dangerous Wilbur is now because of the knowledge he acquired. 

“In the mean time we also... unless we don’t kill Dream... we gonna have to stop Technoblade, ‘cause Technoblade owes him a favour” “Stop Technoblade?” “Technoblade owes him a favour and we can’t let him redeem it” When Tommy mention’s Techno, Tubbo immediately becomes even MORE hesitant about this whole thing (probably a mix of his death-related trauma, Techno exploding his nation twice and his most recent inquisition venture in Snowchester). 

“So why don’t we try to block Dream’s communication with Technoblade? ‘Cause then Technoblade would have no idea how to... redeem... the favour” “He can bring back the dead Tubbo, we need him DEAD! He’s too powerful for this server’s good and he’s a bad man and he won’t use his powers for good. And it’s not even-” “Mmmmh” “What do you mean ‘Mmmh’ Man?!” “I don’t know this really- this didn’t go too well for us last time we got all hyped up and tried to do this” Tubbo once again is mostly apprehensive because of how things went last time they were up against Dream. He also tried proposing an alternative solution to fighting that Tommy shoots down because he doesn’t think anyone should have the power that Dream has. Also, may I add that Ranboo is actually on Tommy’s side on this whole thing? Possibly because he knows as well how dangerous Dream still is. 

“Just because he’s locked up doesn’t mean his strenght is, allright?” This basically perfectly sums up the crux of the issue. Of course thanks to Quackity’s lore we know that Dream’s power now is mostly a facade, but they don’t know this. To them Dream is just as powerful now as he was before. To them the image of powerlessness that the prison gives him is the facade.

That said the conversation in the electric chair tower ends here and, as this is already so incredibly long, I’ll also end part one of the analysis here. This was also the most lore-heavy part as the rest is more light-hearted so it’ll probably be faster to cover.

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

it wasn’t power i coveted; it was acceptance.

Titans 3.06

y’know, i was just thinking the other day that 1.06/1.07 and 2.06/2.07 were the best episodes of their respective seasons, so i have great hopes going in to this one. fingers crossed!

as always, typing this up as i see the episode.

SPOILERS AHEAD

1. oh! um... that was a Cold Open, all right. *nudges* get it? cold? because it’s snowing? and two people got murdered in cold blood? eh?

... oh, i’ve just started.

1.5. i wonder if “i want to be sipping pina coladas on a beach with you” is the new “i’m just one day away from retiring.” i was so on edge after that--i kept expecting that car to explode. even so, the way they died wasn’t an anticlimax: brutal, and quick. 

1.75. so i’m assuming that’s the titular lady vic! this show better bring up why this doll was important or why these two cops needed to be killed, and not leave it to the ether like jericho’s little mindscape jaunt in 2.08 (i’m still dying to know what that was about???)

2.

i love how deliberately unappealing wayne manor is. 

(sorry for the pic quality. i don’t have hbo max! ssshhh.)

2.3. i love the many references to “home” and “our house” when they’ve been here for less than a week and saw one of their friends get blown into pieces. i mean, i unironically love it: home is where family is, after all!

2.5. i’d like to say that kom is playing some sort of long game here, especially given the build-up we had last season and some of the more niggling details this season: why did kom choose now to use her bond to lure kory when she’s been on earth for months? why did justin call kory now, just around the time that she started getting kom’s visions? and what about kom’s ability to exactly imitate other people? hmmm.

2.75. the reason i wrote i’d like to say is that i’ve made the mistake of assuming plot complexity where there is none; i was so invested in the jason todd orchestrated his own death theory for instance, when it turns out that oops! ra’s al ghul just happened to leave a little lazarus puddle in gotham, and oh yeah! scarecrow just happens to have a network of henchmen working for him on the outside and a fully functional laboratory and a weapons cache fit for a new supervillain in the basement of the high security psychiatric unit/prison that he’s in! 

(no i’m not bitter, why do you ask)

2.8. iiiii don’t know what to say about the implications of sex slavery being a thing on tamaran, so i’m not going to say anything at all. for now.

3. gotham, six years ago... wasn’t it five years before s2 that jericho died and the titans disbanded? and when was the flashback from 1.06 where dick let zucco die? i think it was after the events of 2.08: jericho? i can’t seem to find any transcripts or reliable information online, so i’m going to have to rewatch 1.06 at some point. 

(i love the old-fashioned batman music in this heist scene)

3.5. “security is a joke... it’s my way of keeping my dad on his toes”. what you’re an ethical thief now, like an ethical hacker? i don’t think that excuse is going to sell, barbara, on the day you do encounter a decent security system and your father is forced to arrest you.

(then again, gotham’s security is piss-poor. did you know that you could just walk into arkham asylum without any official clearance, ply one of its most dangerous inhabitants with contraband, and said inmate could get away with having an entire laboratory and weapons cache--NO I’M NOT GOING TO LET THIS GO)

3.8 so that flashback between dick and barbara was really cute! and also illuminating:

a) dick sounds so light, so... um. look. i have some apologies to tender to mr thwaites, because while i’ve always thought he does a fine job as dick grayson, i’ve never been terribly fond of his cadence as he delivers dialogue. it’s often monotonous, i thought, but then again, he’s usually delivering exposition or dealing with one soul-crushing crisis or the other. so i was pleasantly surprised to hear dick sound so carefree and alive in his conversation with barbara, laughing frequently, his emotions so bare and bubbling to the surface. it’s really a fantastic contrast to the traumatised and world-weary dick grayson that we see now, even more so than the costume department just bunging a backwards-baseball cap on mr thwaites’ head and hoping that will convince us of his relative youth. 

b) and god, when he wakes up from that memory, all alone in his bed, bleeding from bullet holes in his shoulder (bullet holes that are--in a somewhat convoluted way--barbara’s fault)? yikes. it’s great. you have my apologies, mr thwaites!

c) can you imagine dick just... crawling back to wayne manor, trying not to be seen by anybody, shedding his suit and just... collapsing onto his bed without even tending to his wound? the sheer emotional and physical exhaustion of it? 

d) it’s so interesting to see how barbara and dick approach the idea of legacy--a big theme on the show!--in this flashback. barbara is the one bucking the idea that she should follow in her father’s footsteps, while dick seems pretty content with the batman-and-robin setup, and even tries to get barbara to join their team (robin-girl. pfffft). obviously after this several traumatic things happen wherein dick ends up questioning and then resenting his role as robin, his relationship with batman or even returning as a vigilante at all. and barbara... ends up replacing her father as commissioner. it’s tragic, really. 

e) the dynamic between dick and barbara in the flashback reminds me of how it was between dick and donna in 1.08 and even between kory and dick in early s1. it’s like having an older, strong-willed woman by his side means he gives over the steering wheel for a while and lets himself... unspool, a little bit. it’s kinda endearing.

also:

*pinches his cheeks*

3. you know, we talk about dick and Eldest Daughter Syndrome, and that’s definitely valid, but here gar seems to me the embodiment of it, with all the emotional gardening and firefighting that he’s expected to do. he’s kind of the guy expected to keep his shit together and take care of everyone else while they are falling completely to pieces, unable to carve out time to process his own trauma. he’s also picked up dick’s and kory’s tendencies to bottle up their struggles and shun appearing vulnerable, and he’s struggling in the shadow of both dick and kory undergoing acute crises, his best friend (and frequent confidante) on the other side of the world, and seeing hank die, utterly helpless to stop it. 

i’m glad that he got a chance to tell dick even a smidgeon of what he really feels, and i hope this is at least a semblance of a wake up call for dick to actually sit down and work with the people he repeatedly calls family.

3.5. it’s heartening to see that dick immediately makes it his priority to go talk to gar. but don’t blow off kory in the process, man!

4. i’m really loving this dynamic between kom and conner--i get the idea that both of them consider each other as Unknowns, alien two times over. but conner’s only ever known the titans, who embrace being different, and kom’s only ever known... well. 

anyway, kory is Really Stressed, and honestly? #relatable. 

when you’re forced to bring an estranged family member to hang out with your friends...

4.5. i love that the titans are spending so much time in the kitchen. a real family!

5. jonathan crane is a creep and i absolutely cannot stand him.

5.25. how did he get a whole lab setup (in the basement of a hospital...?) with a bunch of whitecoats to work for him? how did he just waltz into the viewing room of an operation theatre when he’s one of the most wanted men in gotham right now? why is jason wandering around maskless when--presumably--as the adopted son of the most famous person in gotham he’d be a tad more recognisable than your average joe?

why do i expect this show to answer anything anymore?

5.5. that’s not necessarily a criticism, mind; i’ve said since season 1 that titans is very comics-like in this aspect, all about the Aesthetic and the splash-page splendour rather than the niggling unimportant details of how or when the characters got to said location. like. the camera gliding over the operation being set-up, lady vic bursting in and doing her murder dance (imagine the luck of the poor intern who chose this day and this surgery to assist) and jason, shocked and slack-jawed, framed by blood.

5.75. it’s a sobering reminder for jason that, though he chose this path in order to gain control over a world that seemed like it was rapidly spinning out of his grip, he’s only succeeded in handing over even more control to a man with an agenda that is very clearly not aligned with his own. he’s in too far to stop now, though.

5.9. i have a lot more thoughts about jason! saving it up for the end of this recap, though.

6. more kitchen time! i better see dick do some cooking soon...

(”our kitchen”! it still delights me! kitchens are So Important)

6.25. so much of dick’s issues have revolved around his relationship with bruce, so it’s completely understandable that in the wake of a huge crisis where bruce literally asks dick to replace him and be a “better” him, dick would default to all the worst things he learned from the man. and i’m glad kory’s having none of it, but come on, guys. the woman’s literally fetched her fratricidal sister out of a hole in the ground with no idea what said sister is going to do next and experiencing a burgeoning sense of guilt far, far beyond her history with the titans, and dick’s too far into his autocolonoscopy that he can’t see that she needs help.

6.5. “he services your urges”--well, as far as we know, kory is the last person he had sex with...

7. “i hope [gar] isn’t angry with me...” SIR! i thought you’d already spoken to him! smh, as the kids say. kory wouldn’t be needing to reassure you if you just took the effort to build two way emotional relationships with the rest of the team. @superohclair​ was taking about dick’s relatively low emotional intelligence? i agree.

7.5. “i got my own problems [...] you and barbara? fix it.” YOU TELL HIM, KORY

8. man i really like this weird, sad tension between dick and barbara--this sense that both of them are approaching the other based on how they remember them and are ultimately disappointed by the truth. barbara thought she could trust dick to... well, be a better batman, but dick has not only failed at that in her eyes, but repeatedly undermined her while exploiting the authority that she gave him. in dick’s eyes, this is nothing like the barbara that he knew, rebellious and ready to do whatever it takes to find something. 

like. this show sometimes really hits me in the chest about the ways it shows kids grow into adults and into caretakers, and the way it’s stop-start, the ways nothing can happen at all for a long time and then it’s Crisis Central all at once and there’s no space to breathe. the weird sort of sadness that comes with nostalgia. 

8.5. oracle name drop! i agree with barbara, any system that can just randomly tap into gotham phonelines is a monster.

8.7. (i don’t know if it’s my imagination, but is dick holding himself... differently in this episode? like that wound is definitely bothering him, and he’s running on fumes)

9. man, that was a really sweet scene between kom and conner. “feeling alien in your own world”... “not quite here nor there”

honestly this team runs on conner and gar’s faith in their value as a family, and it’s a sign of conner’s generous heart that he extends that opportunity to blackfire. this arc of maturation for him, where he’s now able to consciously choose which parts of himself he can use to do the thing he wants to so--save people--has been so fulfilling to recognise. this baby’s grown with the titans! and what he’s learnt is that people can get fucked up, but the titans is a place where they can be fucked up, and grow.

MY MAN CONNER

10. oh man i’m drinking in the gar-dick interaction in this episode like i’m three days into the desert and it’s the only source of water for miles around!

a) gar is absolutely not dealing with dick’s bullshit this episode and I LOVE IT. it’s such a far cry from the man who was idolising dick/robin back in s1 and expecting him to solve all their problems. dick is fallible, dick is fucked up, but he Tries His Best and that’s ok.

b) dick, huffing and puffing through that vent, unable to put any pressure on his left shoulder, trying to have a heart to heart with gar... fuck i love this asshole. 

c) bruce took in a kid who was suffering... “and made him into a weapon”. well. i absolutely agree with dick that it was bruce who put these kids into these horrible situations with him and they came away with a bucketload of trauma to add to the one that they already had. but we know that bruce was really trying with jason, and at the end of s2, dick was coming to acknowledge that bruce had offered him something that wasn’t just darkness. jason’s death and bruce’s reaction to that shattered that fragile progress.

d) “gotham got to me too.” i feel more sympathetic towards dick running off on his own than most, and it’s not just because i’m an unapologetic stan.  we’ve seen before that dick... devolves when overwhelmed, and he lashes out and makes ill thought out decisions and just Does Not Deal. it happened after hearing the news that deathstroke had returned in s2, and it didn’t help that everyone around him was reeling at the news, either. this time, however, he has his salvation in his family, and despite some stupid decisions like running off and kidnapping supervillains without telling his team, he’s been really on the ball this season. thinking clearly and logically, holding it together and working on a plan, thinking two steps ahead of the villains... yes.

e) gar needing to believe that jason isn’t beyond redemption... there’s a lot of blood on his hands, too, from when he was manipulated by cadmus last season. it makes sense why he’d relate to jason’s predicament, and i hope dick picked up on that.

f) my head just added a plaintive ow after dick jumped feet first into the storage room

i need, crave gifs of this scene!

11. *sits on hands* i’m going to talk more about red hood, i promise!

12. more gar and dick! is it my birthday??!!

(actually, according to the tamil calendar, it is my birthday! my “star” birthday)

12.5. excellent. dick using some implausible training that bruce taught him to solve a mystery? passing some of that knowledge onto gar? that proud smile when he sees gar perfectly execute moves that he taught him? MY HEART IS EXPLODING

13. aw, i love flashback!dick and barbara, they’re so cute <3

13.25. why does it not surprise me that the way he proposes a relationship to barbara is by saying “we make sense”? this guy can deduce exactly who was present where and what weapon they were holding from a garbled audio recording but other times he’s utterly clueless, and that’s a consistent character beat right from s1

13.5. so.... that’s why lady vic has it out for... barbara....? i don’t get it. it’s flimsy. but hey! the fun thing about titans is that i don’t have to get it. the payoff has nothing to do with the plot.

14. i can’t believe that barbara fell for that, but at least that wheelchair fight looked awesome, so.

15. oh yeah, i forgot that red hood bullied the mob into helping him and scarecrow... at least that explains the whitecoats and the elaborate set-up.

15.5. honestly i love how this dynamic between kory and kom is developing, though i wish more of the team would pay attention to it. time to call justin, i think!

16. i wonder what happened after that second flashback where barbara got hurt during that heist. did she give up on doing any more (maybe jim caught her)? was it because dick was called away by bruce and then the titans and got caught up in his own issues? maybe barbara froze him out because she wasn’t looking for the relationship that he was looking for? maybe the idea of doing that with someone turning into batman-lite was just... unappealing? scary?

whatever it is, it doesn’t look like dick ever processed the end of that relationship. it’s very intriguing to see where their dynamic goes next.

17. so.... what, did vic deliver some fear toxin to barbara? i... what?

17.5. and i TOLD YOU that they would never explain that doll or why vic attacked those two cops at the beginning! oh, titans. never change. 

18. did jason just randomly have tim’s restaurant burgled? god, i’m feeling a bit nauseous... are they going to kill tim’s father?

18.25. i feel like the rest of the season is going to wrestle with jason’s culpability in the horrible stuff he’s doing and i’m already seeing that prospect divide fans. on one hand, his story is taking a lot of oxygen away from other equally interesting story arcs, and he’s done some truly awful things, like indiscriminate murder, threatening to kill children, blowing up hank, and potentially killing tim’s parents. 

there’s something to be said for the kind of hold that crane has over him, and the so-called ‘anti-fear’ drug that he keeps plying jason with--he’s alone, drugged almost constantly (to the level of dependence), fresh from the trauma of being bludgeoned to death. he hasn’t conquered fear; he’s ruled by it. on the other hand, given that he’s the one character on the show given an obvious and identifiable ‘mental illness’ arc (maaaaybe dick too), one can argue that it’s irresponsible to show this progress into such violence: jason was vulnerable because he was struggling, and that left him vulnerable, but it took only a push before he became a fucking serial killer.

but that could mean we underestimate the degree of that vulnerability, and the mechanics of this universe where he fell into the clutches of the one supervillain perfectly designed to exploit that vulnerability. that helpless spiral into further and further self-destruction is all too real. it’s valuable to know that someone who has sunk that low can still seek help--actual help--and get it. 

18.5. i don’t know. it’s not a question i’m going to resolve at the end of an overlong recap at 1 in the morning. i don’t believe it’s even a question that titans can resolve. but i am interested in where they’re going next with jason.

19. this episode was genuinely great! i’m pumped for the rest of the season!

[mybg3notebook]

Astarion and Power - Part 2

Disclaimer Game Version: All these analyses were made up to the game version v4.1.101.4425. As long as new content is added, and as long as I have free time for that, I will try to keep updating this information.

Additional disclaimers about meta-knowledge and interpretations in (post)

The number between brackets [] represents the topic-block related to (this post), which gathers as much evidence as I could get.

Astarion: abuser / victim

Disclaimer about interpretation victim/abuser: I’m not a fan of bringing the allegory to the plain explicit comparison with serious stuff from real life, but the fandom seems to focus a lot on this aspect and therefore I would like to share my opinion on it. This topic may be sensitive for some people. Be aware of it. 

If we are going to engage into the comparison abuser/victim, from the section (Backstory: Mortal Astarion) we can assume that mortal Astarion was developed as an abuser so far the facts we got from the game/interviews. There is little doubt about it with the bits of information we have in EA. Maybe the full game or a retcon of his past may change this in the future. 

As a vampire spawn, Astarion presents a duality abuser-victim that comes from the archetype of the “bad behaved victim”. 

(Squeezing him in the shoulder. You try to connect, to let him know he's not alone- but he twists like a snake.) “No, I don't need your pity. I don't need anything from you. Go back to your wet dreams and leave me be.''

As a slave under Cazador’s power, humiliated and physically and psychologically tortured, he becomes a victim. He displays many of the most common behaviours of traumatised survivors: dismissal of the actions he suffered (humiliation and cruelty), sensitivity or violent rejection of gestures of pity, paranoia (for the abuser to appear at any moment), reiterative dreams focused on the abuser or their tortures, pride that may reach into arrogance of having survived tough situations. Considering that survival mode is his default, he can turn any of these aspects into tools to manipulate any potential benefactor (he may care little about). As long as he has a protector, he would do anything at his disposal to keep pleasant and agreeable to that benefactor (this characteristic is a permanent, constant, and obvious trait in his character).

But he is not a mere victim, he is also an abuser. And this aspect has been studied in psychology and sociology: it’s not a surprise that a good amount of abusers were victims before. There is a psychological process that can make victims prone to harness as much power as they can in order to avoid the abuse, and in doing so they become abusers. The fact that they can inflict similar or the same trauma on someone else, shifts the power imbalance they had always perceived in their life: the ex victim—now abuser—finds psychological relief. They find a way to perceive themselves as not powerless anymore, and this process can cross limits, making them enjoy when causing the same torture they suffered before. This is the (extremely brief and simplified) process known as the transformation of victim to victimiser (in a general violence-related way, not necessarily focused on sexual abuse), which tends to affect, so far the statistics show, a group of victims. 

With this brief introduction of the topic from the real life (this is why I dislike so much these comparisons, serious stuff brought into a fantasy world always feels like dismissing the real life issue) we can understand that Astarion has acquired a twisted taste to enjoy the same torments he suffered on himself, but applied on creatures he considers lesser: animals and weak creatures [3,4,6,7,11]. There is pride in his survival [14]: he follows the philosophy: “if I could survive it, you could do it too, otherwise, you must perish”.

He enjoys humiliation [6,10], despite being one of the most sensitive aspects that could trigger a violent reaction in him when Tav tries to humiliate him (dialogue about the Bedchamber Master). He enjoys the power he can have over others, over their wills [11], and aspires to have the control of the tadpole, at first to be free of Cazador’s influence, but as long as the game progresses, his intentions become clearer: he wants to control the tadpole to become powerful: the most powerful vampire of Faerun and bend everyone’s will [12]. This aspect is also ironic and hypocritical since Astarion displays violent reactions against mind control or against any intervention of his mind, so it’s something that triggers him in particular (video here).

He also has a taste to enjoy cruelty on animals [4], maybe because of all the resentment he has against them for having been the only means to sustain himself (he is directing his cruelty and hatred to the wrong group of living creatures though). And he also finds entertainment in murder and bloodshed [2,3,13], just because of it, most probably because all these abuses are proofs that he is now “more powerful” than those suffering it. However, part of this could be explained due to the Dark Desires element of the vampirism, to be fair. But considering Astarion’s backstory, I would say that vampirism only deepens his already evil traits.

Also, as a comment aside, I like to highlight how all this characterisation defies the romantisation of the archetype of the “good victim”. A good victim is—explaining it briefly and oversimplified—the one who encourages to spread goodness, self-sacrifice; their pain is hidden and/or used to improve, tends to be a highly empathetic person in front of similar abuses they suffered. It’s the antipode of the “bad behaved victim.” Which is basically all what we see in Astarion: selfish, violent, whimsical, cruel, psychopath.

In conclusion, we can see Astarion as a vampire spawn who embodies the duality of Victim-Abuser. 

However I would like to note that this is not a char where we can see how the victim becomes an abuser exclusively. In Astarion’s case, it is even more twisted because in his past he was a victimiser. His character lies on a Schrodinger duality: he was an abuser when he was mortal, he is an abuser and a victim at the same time as a vampire spawn (his torments can be understood as poetic justice since Astarion embodied the—corrupt—Justice himself), and he aspires to retake his abuser position in the future (so far EA allowed us to see it or the description of his characters in Larian’s web page), enjoying all the potential that the power of the tadpole can give him to “bend the will of others''. 

Astarion’s story represents topics that should allow us to think about how abusers are created, how they could also be victims, and how victims are not always free of evilness. Astarion also embodies the concept of how far punishment makes sense, how you can punish the abuse if there is no justice, how to punish evilness when it’s placed to have control of the Justice itself. How could we understand the punishment of evil creatures when there is no repent but a deepening of their evil nature? And finally… Would any victim not desire for their abuser to have a punishment like Astarion’s? 

I like to think that Cazador also represents the “modern prison system”, where criminals are gathered in panoptic structures (in this case, Astarion’s mind), tortured in many ways, while society expects them to recover. There is also the concept of how and when recovery is not possible anymore, because let’s be honest, saving people from dark paths is not always possible. Real life psychopath, serial rapists, and a broad amount of creatures who revel in torture and murder are beyond salvation. If we consider Cazador and Astarion as mirrored figures, it makes us think about how much of all of his story is about the eternal cycle of violence and about evilness without salvation. Also, this reflection of one on the other makes us believe that if there is no salvation for Cazador, there shouldn't be salvation for Astarion either; if Astarion can be saved… Cazador should too (after all, we don’t know anything about Cazador’s story). So many things to think about.

All these aspects and topics to think about are what make Cazador-Astarion dynamics worth understanding with a realistic and dark perspective of evilness, without woobifying Astarion as sadly a big part of his fandom does. 

As a note of colour to finish this section, it’s interesting to re-read the paragraph I had written in the first part (Astarion and Power - Part 1) where I briefly described Cazador. If we replace Cazador by the word Astarion we will obtain a curious result:

>>>Astarion has a particular pleasure for control, especially the one related to people’s will (we can see this pleasure progresses over time, increasing it. His need for freedom turns slowly into wanting to have control on everyone, because with power he can do everything he wants to). He enjoys cruelty, humiliation, and torture (read the analysis post done (here), there are dozens of facts showing it). He enjoys playing psychologically with his victims. He also likes to give false hope, making his victims believe that there is hope, removing it right in front of them (the Arabella’s approvals about making her parents believe she is alive when she is not, Mayrina’s hope of reviving her husband).

There are so many questions left in the air: has Cazador imparted Justice? Is 200 years too long for a punishment? I don’t believe there is an easy answer here. First, because we are mixing serious real-life dynamics in a fantasy setup, with the twisted componen of vampirism (a fantasy element always considered an allegory of abuse, power, and rape) and second, despite the analogy is there, and the comparison can be done lightly, Astarion has a particular backstory, with a particular amount of meta-knowledge that makes those answers even more complicated. 

Astarion’s Pain and Shallowness

Back scars scene (full Datamining info)

A pair of videos that pjenn has posted about Astarion’s scars on his back (1) (2) shows that he needs help to read it since he can’t see it in reflective surfaces due to his vampire nature. We get from the narrator: 

* He might be sneering, but you can see pain in his eyes. He needs help, but doesn’t know how to ask. *

What we can infer from this is that Astarion, whether mortal or spawn, never asked for help, and if this is true, I’m confused. If he truly doesn’t know how to ask for help… what had been happening with all the previous interactions he had with Tav? Implicitly asking for help against Cazador? The only answer I have to explain why 25 hours of game with Astarion asking for help against Cazador are suddenly erased and now “he doesn’t know how to ask to”, is that all those 25 hrs are about manipulation. Not a true, honest, clean asking for help. There is not much to say about this scene since it’s entirely under work so far. 

Mirror scene (full Datamining info)

This scene is mostly about vanity and, again, manipulation. 

He doesn't remember the colour of his eyes, and he barely remembers his face. As a vampire, he can‘t see his projection nor cast shadows. He explicitly says that he misses vanity, and even though it may be an honest loss he feels, he doesn’t miss the opportunity to use this moment as another hook to throw at Tav to keep them under his control as well as testing how deep his charm has reached Tav (If Tav shows appreciation, Astarion knows he keeps them under his thumb).

This scene basically shows that, even though evil characters/abusers also suffer (maybe the game would make us reflect eventually about Cazador’s pain?), and Astarion is stating his pain for losing things he appreciated: petty vanity (he can’t see himself in a mirror) and his memories (he has no memory of the colour of his eyes and his face is vague), he is still using all these moments to keep on working on his survival manipulation:

“(Vanity) is an indulgence, I’ll grant you that, but a weakness? A well-presented face can open a lot of doors.”

He has a personal drama, as he stated it at first, and the focus of all his conversation is always about how what he lost was a means for an end too. 

If Tav is the one engaging into being his Mirror, Astarion engages to appraise the reach of his presence in Tav. If Tav simply states it’s a decent face, Astarion will push the engagement for that appraisal. If you mock him about his age and skin, he won’t be offended (after all the moment is not meaningful for him, it’s shallow), and he would insist on a proper praise, because he is trying to taste the ground. 

The moment was meant to be used, and Astarion did it. It was not special to him:

"Mirrors are not much use, but being reflected in someone's else's eyes? I could do much worse.

If we do not derail the conversation in the funny moments where you can mock his beauty, age and skin, we keep gathering more information about what Astarion values the most:

Tav: “Is it all what you want? shallow praise?” Astarion: "Hardly, there is also gold, sex, revenge, quite the list, really. But failing any of those, I will always settle for shallow praise."

There is another option in this scene where Tav says that vanity is a reasonable price for vampire powers, but for once, Astarion is not so eager about this power, because it comes with Cazador. He knows that the price is way much bigger. 

Tav: “Vanity is a small price to pay to have vampire powers”. Astarion: "To you. To me it's just another thing that Cazador took from me".

The only moment when you can get a more emotional reaction is when you mock him about age/beauty/skin. That is how shallow this scene is. If you are a githyanki and your compliments are a list of raw facts about his persona, even if they are good or bad, Astarion can’t appraise Tav with that, and gets frustrated. 

Personally I think this scene has little value per se beyond the comedy, and even less value in terms of lore when you have Disguise spell available for so many characters. Anyone can disguise themselves as Astarion and he would finally see what he looks like… so… more reasons to show how cheap and shallow this scene is. Maybe that was the intention. Maybe it needs more work since, after all, it’s datamining info. There is not much to say about this scene since it’s entirely under work so far. 

The concept of Redemption/endings 

Among the (Datamined information) we have a set of gems under the name of Drunk bear (1) (2) (3) scenes, which speak more about Astarion and his relationship with Cazador and Power.

Tav: “You can start over. You can be better than what he made you.”

Ast: “Exactly. I can be better than him. Stronger, more powerful, more- oh, you meant “be kinder”? Pet bunnies, that sort of thing? I’ve no objection to being nice, of course. Once I have the power to bend others to my will.

T: “You think power lets you do anything free from consequences?”

A: “Well… yes. You can’t look at the world and tell me I’m wrong.”

T: “The strong have a duty to protect the weak”

A: “They’re doing a piss poor job, then. The strong had two centuries to pluck me from torture, but no one came. No, it was the mind flayers that rescued me. They gave me a gift: the strength to take my own freedom. I’m embracing this power- you should too.”

T: “You are free now. That’s what matters.”

A: “Is it? What good is freedom if I'm always watching in the shadows? No. I will be safe when I'm powerful enough to grind cazador into the dust. Powerful enough to do whatever the hell I want.”

T: “Power corrupts. You’d do well to remember that.”

A: “Oh I hope so. A little corruption sounds fun. I spent centuries as the victim of a corrupt man. It was the mind flayers that plucked me away from that.”

So far we see in this scene, Astarion reinforces his evilness, his desire for power, not just enough to save himself from Cazador’s claws, but to control other people, even though mind control is a triggering effect when it affects his own will. I believe in this interaction we see the contrast of the story that Astarion narrates mainly: the abuser who found a more powerful abuser. We shouldn’t forget he comes from a past where he was a corrupt magistrate. These words have almost a hypocrite meaning here. Astarion was a magistrate, by definition, someone who held power and should have helped those in despair, but he was corrupt and did not care. When he became a spawn, he ended up on the other side of the imbalanced power. He was the one asking for a powerful entity to help him, and none came, suffering a similar fate of despair than those who sought in him the concept of Justice and Power Used For Fairness. Like Astarion’s victims found freedom when a twisted creature like Cazador was incorporated into this situation, Astarion was free when the Mind flayers saved him from Cazador. 

I will not repeat this again: Astarion, so far in Early Access, looks like the story that could explain why Cazador is who he is. These scenes bring once more, another of the many proofs along the game where we see that Astarion has not learnt anything from his torment, he has not improved, he has turned into a more twisted and evil man than he was when he was a mortal magistrate, and there is no intentions to become a little more sympathetic. 

This brings me to think that, at least in EA, glimpses of future paths for Astarion may all be related to different degrees of evilness. 

First of all, we need to remember that Astarion is an evil character, and if we assume that what Sven said in several interviews doesn’t change, Larian is going to break the style this worked in bg1 and bg2, not making big shifting of the alignment in companions. For this reason I think these endings would entitle variations of evilness.

Astarion keeps repeating over and over his opinion about power as the only means to have access to his freedom. And as long the game evolves, he began to reinforce the importance of having power to “do whatever he wants”. Considering his tastes (how much he enjoys cruelty and bloodshed) we can agree that Astarion “doing whatever he wants” is not a good thing for Faerûn. He finds murdering a fine show, an entertainment. Certainly Astarion is a child of Bhaal in his fullest. 

He even mocks Tav when they comment about looking for self-improvement. “I can be better than him. Stronger, more powerful, more- oh, you meant “be kinder”? (...) Once I have the power to bend others to my will.” This is Cazador speaking. 

So, considering these details, I would suggest (predict is a too strong a word for this) that we have chances to three different kinds of endings and their variations:

The first one, screaming in all what Astarion does: Astarion becomes a full vampire and ends up as the next Cazador. If his approval is high (or some hidden requirement is met) he can turn his lover into another full vampire. If these requirements are not met, in a spawn, repeating the cycle that Astarion suffered but now, on Tav. 

The second one could be with Astarion killing Cazador remaining as a spawn and an agent of chaos and bloodshed. Maybe his relationship with Tav may help to have certain control on him (since we had seen that Astarion so far has been asking permission to kill npcs when the situation arises, so the MC could be turning into a master of choice.)

The third one, finding the cure of Vampirism, and letting Astarion continue with his life of evil corrupted magister. 

Some people ask about the possibility of a Redemption arc. I hardly see it (especially if I keep in mind how bg1 and bg2 worked, they never offered a “real” redemption arc, just small shifts here and there.)

Redemption could be acquired, according to these fans, using two mechanics. 

Astarion feels compassion out of the blue. He starts to have guilt for his past sins and develops empathy, despising cruelty. How? Who knows, so far in EA it has not been seen even once a hint, a scene, a bit of meta-knowledge in that direction. Honestly, so far we’ve seen, this option seems impossible to me, because Astarion has tons of chances to use the meta-knowledge of his approvals and disapprovals to show regret and empathy, and never happened. His character was always focused on himself, his vanity, his pain, his entertainment (which implies constant approval of cruel actions and torments and humiliation to others, especially the weak ones), his survival. If there is a character more far away from empathy right now in EA, it is Astarion. How do you start a redemption arc without the character showing compassion? No way.

Cure Vampirism. Vampirism is a curse, and therefore in the Forgotten Realm can be cured. But this, under no circumstances, can be considered a redemption arc. There is no redemption at all. The curse is lifted, and Astarion can return to be the same cruel magister he was before. No arc about remorse and empathy. 

His character is the story of an abuser who found a greater abuser and became a victim of the latter, seeking to return to his previous power position but stronger. Despite suffering this abuse, that could be understood as poetic justice (more like accidental justice) at certain point, he never developed empathy for those sharing his conditions. In fact, he cares little to inflict on others what he has exactly suffered. I hardly believe there is something else going on “in layers” in him at the moment, since the meta-knowledge provided by the approval/disapproval shows otherwise. My point is, I see little material here showing change. But again, this is EA.

We can see how this exact detail is managed with Shadowheart, from her we know even less than with Astarion because her memory was erased, but so far, we know she has some soft spots that were never shown explicitly, so Tav is oblivious to this information while the player knows it. 

This post was written on April 2021.  → For more Astarion: Analysis Series Index

[bamfdaddio]

X-Men Unabridged: Proteus

The X-Men, those beautiful mutants that have sworn to protect a world that hates and fears them, are a cultural juggernaut with a long, tangled history. We’ve been untangling that history for a while, but sometimes, you really want a more in-depth look. Interested? Then read the (un)Abridged X-Men!

(X-Men 125 - 128) - by Chris Claremont and John Byrne

Fun* fact: this particular issue is the oldest comic I physically own.

* for a given value of fun

Something sinister lurks on Muir Isle…

This arc is very much set up like a horror movie. It starts out as a regular X-Men narrative, where Claremont is weaving along several plot threads. We check in with the X-Men in Westchester, we check in with Magneto who has retreated to Asteroid M and we even check in with Xavier in space, who finally learns more about the true scope of the Phoenix and its nature. Finally, we’ve got Jean stationed at Muir Isle, where Moira is investigating the sheer scope of her powers. (She has realized how strong Jean truly is; akin to a god. Her theory is that Jean’s recent power dampening is the result of her human mind trying to cope with her massive power level.) It’s about as everyday as it gets for the X-Men, but, well…

I always thought Jean molecularly restructured her own outfit into the Phoenix-costume whenever she needed to change, but here, she just… wills it away? Also, why did you need an outfit change for this, anyway? Does the costume simply appear whenever she exerts too much of her powers, like an angry forehead vein? So many questions. (X-Men 126)

Other residents at Muir are Polaris, Havok and the Multiple Man, all of them blissfully unaware that something skulks about in the shadows: the remains of an unfortunate captain, whose body has been taken over by something… other.

But someone else is skulking around in the shadows, too. Jean isn’t aware of it, but a familiar stranger is manipulating her from the sidelines.

I’ve been gaslighting a cosmic force, ask me how! (X-Men 126)

1979 marks the first appearance of the Hellfire Club, though we only meet one member for now: Jason Wyngarde. (Maybe all of this could have been avoided if he’d had a Barbie doll to dress up in black lace as a child, but alas.) ‘Jason’ is a pseudonym and though most people these days know that he’s a familiar villain from the X-Men’s past, the reveal of his true identity will follow later.

Meanwhile, Beast finally gets off his ass to check on the Xavier mansion, even though the X-Men must have been tripping intruder alarms for months now. Still, we do get this sweet moment out of it:

Of course she’s going to be surprised at the sheer amount of plot contrivances that were thrown up to keep all y’all apart for a full year. (X-Men 126)

Beast knows that Jean went to Muir, so Scott immediately goes for the phone. Lorna picks up, but during the call she starts screaming, leaning heavily into the horror genre. She fends off the withering remains of the captain, so instead, ‘Mutant X’ jumps into a duplicate of Jamie Madrox and promptly flees to the mainland on a boat.

Guuurl, that body is snatched. (X-Men 126)

The X-Men (sans Beast) hit Muir Isle, where Moira debriefs them. Moira reveals who Mutant X is: his name is Kevin MacTaggart, her son, who has the terrifying power to warp reality. Because his power is so vast, he burns through bodies at an alarming rate. He can only be contained - or killed - by inorganic metal. In an effort to contain him (and, presumably, help him at some point), Moira locked him in a metal cell. He was kept there, alone, for god knows how long, until Magneto accidentally freed him. They know he escaped the island and, because of his parasitic need for fresh host bodies, Moira posits that he’ll be heading for a big city.

Kevin - who dubs himself Proteus - racks up an impressive body count in the country side, killing 7 people in total. (6 people and 1 dupe? Eh.) He’s a terrific villain, because he’s powerful, has a well-defined weakness and, even though it’s not impossible to emphasize with him -- isolation tends to drive people mad -- the way he discards his victims is truly chilling.

The X-Men chase after him, Wolverine picking up the scent. When Proteus tries to claim him, Logan’s adamantium skeleton repels him. In response, he unspools reality.

I’ve had this trip. I think they call this strain Dragon’s Dynamite. (X-Men 126)

Storm intervenes, but Proteus leaves Nightcrawler and especially Wolverine rattled. Logan’s heightened senses root him in reality more than most, and when Proteus uses his powers, everything is just screaming wrong at him. But nobody is safe: little Kevin MacTaggart turns gravity against Ororo, taking her out as well.

He tries to claim Storm, but Moira repels him, sniping at him from afar. Proteus fears (metal) bullets, knowing they can kill him. When Cyclops realizes Moira’s shooting to kill, he intervenes - X-Men don’t kill, after all. Moira knocks him out with her gun, but Kevin escapes in the confusion. Moira finally realizes where her son is headed, while the X-Men regroup.

In Edinburgh, Moira pays Joe MacTaggart a visit - her husband, Kevin’s father.

The MacTaggarts are definitely in the running for the Xavier/Marko-award for Fucked Up Family Dynamics. (X-Men 127)

There’s a calculating coldness to Moira’s character that I’ve never responded well to, but I like how Claremont fills in the blanks here. It’s part unhappiness, part a deep frustration with her inability to help her own son. I wonder how Kevin was a child, before his mutant gene activated: was he a sweet boy, or one with a cruel streak? Did she fear what he might become?

There’s a few gaps in Claremont’s narrative, but Hickman has drawn on this very well, I think: the Moira X in HoXPoX is equally calculating, equally cold. But how can she not be? How often has she raised Kevin? How often has she had to kill him? How many times has she watched these people, these X-Men, die?

Anyway, Moira’s warning is as effective as anger management therapy for Sabretooth, because Kevin comes by Joe’s office a little while later and snuffs out his dad. Phoenix hears Joe screaming telepathically across the moors, allowing the X-Men to pinpoint him. Claremont also makes sure to show that Jean’s power is steadily growing:

Polaris be like: “No, no, I’m carrying my own emotionally stunted Summers boy, thank you.” (X-Men 127)

Proteus takes Moira hostage as the X-Men confront him. They fight.

Ordinarily, I don’t pay a lot of attention to the fight scenes, because recapping those usually boils down to “Cyclops conks Magneto in the helmet” or “Wolverine snikts Pyro in the gas tank”, but this one is truly great. John Byrne delivers some excellent work, showcasing the scope of Proteus’ powers through his art, his panelling. Don’t just take my word for it:

I love how trippy all of this is. Pivoting gravity, changing an optic beam into flowers… Sure, Proteus might be a callous and cruel SoB, but he’s also one imaginative motherfucker. (X-Men 127)

One by one, Proteus manages to distract or take out the X-Men, either by endangering passers-by, encasing them in amber (Storm) or burying them alive (Banshee). One of my favorite details is how afraid they all are: especially Wolverine and Nightcrawler hesitate before jumping into the fray. For them, this villain is truly beyond their scope.

In the end, it’s Phoenix who manages to drive him back, outside of the center of Edinburg and up an old castle, where there are fewer civilians to threaten. There, on the ramparts, it’s Colossus who makes the final stand: he destroys Proteus’ physical body and realizes that right now, there’s only one thing they can do to stop him. All it will cost is Piotr’s innocence.

Showcasing an ancient Japanese truth: Psychic Pokémon are weak to Steel attacks. (X-Men 128)

Proteus scatters to the winds and the X-Men emerge victorious, though Moira has lost both her son and her husband after this ordeal. Moreover, I think this is the first villain that the X-Men explicitly kill, simply because they have no other options left. This marks the first time that their ideal of mutant rehabilitation fails. What’s worse is that Kevin MacTaggart was essentially nothing more than a supremely screwed up boy who got access to way too much power way too quickly.

I wonder if it would have turned out differently had Xavier been there. (I also wonder if it’s a coincidence that this takes place right before the Dark Phoenix saga.)

I think this might be Claremont’s best arc yet, heightened by John Byrne’s excellent art. Chris deftly mixes horror, action and his usual soap opera elements, serving one cohesive narrative that (for once) doesn’t leave much hanging. Proteus is an excellent villain whose powers work visually (pay attention, MCU) and whose entire being touches on one of the same aspects as Krakoa: can and should every mutant fit into any sort of normal society?

If you have someone who’s interested in vintage X-Men and you want to recommend something that doesn’t require a confusing explanation of all the necessary backstory (and perhaps a crude sketch of the Summers and/or Lensherr family tree), I would recommend this arc.

And the rest, as they say, is Hellfire. 1980 is gonna be a doozy.