#always happy to clear things up
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I was re-reading the latest chapter and I wondered something about when reader went in distress...When did Ghost follow them? Did he try to call out to them or grab them and reader just couldn't notice because of the distress?
So, idk if I explained it very well in the fic when reader first went to the gym, but it's set up less like a standard gym where it's just basically one big open area, and like a pool maybe in a separate area. It's more set up like a community center than just a gym. So the weight room is in a separate room, the pool is in a separate space, there's other training areas in separate spaces. They don't just use it to exercise, they also do training in there too so that's why I decided to have it set up that way.
So, Ghost just kind of went into a different area to clear his head but also so he could keep an eye on the reader if they decided to run (which they did.) I like to think he did plan on going back for the reader when he had calmed down a bit, and the reader had calmed down, but of course the reader didn't know that and things kind of spiraled. As soon as the reader went for the emergency door, he was right behind them and watched them until they went into the med bay, knowing that was a safe area. Reader was already too distressed to notice, and even if they had, it wasn't likely they would have even recognized Ghost, nor felt safe enough to stop, especially since he was the one that caused it in the first place.
#yeah#that's how that happened#hope that makes sense lol#thank you for the question!!#always happy to clear things up#answered#crcb lore
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Hey adults: Why do you like being an adult? What do you like about your life?
A couple weeks ago I told the kids at my work that "Being an adult is pretty nice, actually," and they looked shocked, laughed incredulously, and told me I was the first person they'd ever heard say that
So clearly we adults need to talk about this way more often
The past few years have been hard for a lot of people, me included. Covid sucked. I lost three relatives and three pets in one year. Right after lockdown ended, I got badly injured, and ended up housebound for six months and (much more) disabled for two years, and that sucked too.
And you know what? Literally all of that was easier and better than being a teenager.
I like being an adult. I like my life. Even when it's hard, it's mine, and I am building to the best of my ability the a life that I want to live.
I talked about a lot of why being an adult is something worth looking forward to in my last post, so right now I'll simply say this:
I love actually knowing who I am now. I love that I learned and am learning what I want and need. I love that I have independence and autonomy and don't get treated like a kid. I love the fact that I'm the one who gets to decide want I want to do and what I need. I also love that I'm learning to sew. I love that I've had pet rats, and next will have a pet cat. I love that I got top surgery. I love the way I've decorated my room. I love traveling to visit and crash and even just hang out and do work with my friends, when I can. I love that I started reading good news every day, and that I actually have hope for the future, and that I started this blog and have been able to help give so many other people hope, too.
So, here's a call to action for my fellow adults: comment or reply or tag what you like about being an adult. What you love about your life.
Let's give some kids some reasons for hope.
#hope#not news#life#life advice#growing up#teenagers#adulthood#adulting#hopepunk#hope posting#hopeposting#also feel free to put your age to help make things feel more concrete and real#and make it clear that “being an adult is good” isn't just limited to your early twenties#in fact it's often better after your early twenties#I'm around 30 personally#I hope this post sounds poetic rather than pretentious lol#that last bit in particular had me going “hmm is this too much”#but actually I think that we dismiss hope and happiness too often#hope deserves to not always have to be serious but I think hope also deserves all the seriousness and gravitas that we can give it
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Incorrect, the fact that Biden has dropped out and a candidate with history of supporting medicare for all and being more receptive to a ceasefire in the I/P conflict has made me go from "I cannot morally support the Democratic nominee" to "I am voting for the Democratic nominee despite the fact she isn't perfect in every respect." I'm really happy this played out. The Dems for the most part abandoned the old Obama platform and it feels like its possible an actual progressive agenda could come to pass in my lifetime.
Kamala 2024!
If you weren't going to vote Democratic in this election before Biden dropped out you're a dorkass loser who does not care about any of the issues you're yammering about here and also a fundamentally bad person, and I hope you get run over by a bus.
But you got one thing right in all of this gibberish, Kamala 2024.
#personal#answered#anonymous#i mean let's be clear here no president is gonna attempt to be progressive ever again within my lifetime#because joe biden tried to do like 25% of that and got ZERO fucking credit#he did so much on healthcare on reform on loans on so many social issues and for all his litany of failings on i/p#he has been distinctly harsher on netanyahu than a good chunk of dems and certainly the entire republican party#for the first time since i was four we are not involved in any wars as americans and that is thanks to joe biden#but the thing is that he gets no credit for any of it!#him pulling out of afghanistan caused his approvals to tank in a way that never recovered#and leftists gave him FUCK ALL for it#they gave him nothing they just continued whining that even tho he cancelled a bajillion in student loans#he didn't actually cancel a QUADRILLION dollars so both parties are the same and voting is the most arduous task known to man#no democrat who is running is going to forget that catering to leftist/progressive policies gets them zero leeway with those supporters#that it not only tanks numbers but you still get constant haranguing about it anyway#so they're not gonna do it#we are gonna get fuckall for at least a good fifty years#and anything we get will be utterly in SPITE of people like you anon it will happen in spite of everything you've done#mostly because of people like me and mine who understand that voting is the bare minimum#and that for the democratic process to work the way you want it to you need to participate and not pitch a fucking fit#like a four year old who was told they can't go to disney this weekend#like i know you ratfuckers are happy this played out because this is all a game to you and you don't actually care#but that's why i've got zero faith in you people and why i'm glad it's my kind of folks#actual die hard democrats who have always been hardliners for supporting democrats in every possible election#who are picking up the slack and donating to harris and supporting her agenda#which is the exact same as biden's because she's his vice president and they share they same platform#because that's what they were both running on! twice!#anyway fuck you please feel free to find a necktie and test how tall your doorframe is
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day 192
a break from artfight for some good news! i have finally scheduled a surgical consult to have my enemy (read: uterus) removed. this is a bit of a scarier prospect than my breast reduction was, but i think it will be an equally impactful quality of life improvement when all is said and done!!
anyway those of yall who have been here since the beginning may remember me posting through that whole process so i figure why stop now.
#day 192#year 5#it me#cw gore#cw blood#cw... anthropomorphic uterus?????#hysterectomy#anyway much like the tit surgery this is both gender affirming and ALSO fixing a health problem that has been gnawing at me for years#never been confirmed but we suspect i have pcos and the usual medication regimen for that hasnt been managing things very well#SO suffice it to say my periods are logistically and mentally extremely fucking difficult to manage#always have been but since my thyroid problems began about a decade ago they've become horrible AND unpredictable#frankly im fuckin sick of it and going on T for the 6 months i did gave me SUCH a nice break from it all#that as things have started back up it has been made EXTREMELY clear what a huge burden i have been dealing with this whole time#basically i dont want to go back on T right now im happy where im at. BUT. the thought of having to have periods like this#for like 20-30 more years is rapidly becoming un fucking bearable#SO. we yoink that thang asunder
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Hey, do you remember that really homoerotic scene from Skyfall? No? That's okay, here's a Vettonso version of it :)
- explanation & w/o text:
Hi hello, finally my weird psychosexual relationship with Casino Royale has come to fruition. Yeah this is directly based off a scene from Skyfall, but I def envision the vibe as being more like Casino Royale hehe. I can't believe I made that inspo board for this AU almost 4 weeks ago, and then ended up drawing a four panel "comic" about it. Ahhhh proud of myself, a bit, a tad. I think this took 20+ hours across the span of a week? God. Anyways I digress! The AU!!
First of all, their Bond song would be "My Way of Life" by Frank Sinatra. It's so toxic, codependent and obsessive, I'm in love with it. And it really suits Fernando and his motivations and outlook in this AU. Basically, MI6(in the context of James Bond) in this AU is an analog for Ferrari. It picks theses guys up, tells them that they're Ferrari MI6's most special boy, chews them up, and then spits them out when they're finished extracting all their talent and skill and life force.
Much like with Ferrari, Seb in this AU replaces Fernando after Fernando loses favor and becomes undesirable. Now Seb is the new golden boy, and Fernando has turned to a life of crime! Fernando resents Seb for this of course, but also becomes obsessed with him and the idea of him , and how they are connected. It's weird to watch someone else basically go down your exact same path and unknowingly make all the same mistakes(buying into the mysticism of it all too much, being overly cocky, having naive beliefs and goals, etc.) He is caught between wanting to doom Seb even more but also wanting to "save" him, by corrupting him and convincing him to work together.
Basically: He's both a Bond girl and Bond villain.
Fernando is in such a weird place in this AU. I think he's just very dramatic. Seb is just casually living his best 007(005?) life, and Nando is watching him with binoculars, whispering to himself: "DOESN'T HE UNDERSTAND THAT WE ARE NARRATIVE FOILS!?" Yeah he hates Seb, but like the song lyrics say, their lives and dreams are inherently tied up together. He would feel lost without Seb, because Seb basically, unknowingly, destroyed and then took over his life. Maybe he'll feel satisifed if he manipulates Seb into going down the exact same path a bit better.
About the drawings themselves. Still can't believe this scene is a real thing that actually happened, insane to me. But in this AU, after the events of these drawings, Fernando definitely kicked all his henchman out of the room, and fucked Seb in the chair. And then against the wall. And then on the floor. Hey man, Seb is already looking mighty delicious with his unbuttoned attire and being tied up.
I think the general plot would be that Fernando keeps trying to seduce him to the dark side, and Seb keeps making him think it worked, only to escape at the end of the encounter. Leading Fernando to just come up with increasingly more violent and kinky traps. Seb goes along with it(read: enjoys it), leaving Fernando satisifed, only to somehow escape and wink and make kissy faces at Fernando in the process. (Fernando smoking cigarette in bed: "How do I make him stay. Sigh.")
I like to think though that Fernando does win in the end, by realizing, ah wait shit I do need to actually explain my motivations to Seb. And Seb is so worn down by his job, not Fernando, and how he's being treated, that he listens, really actually listens, and realizes Fernando does really have valid reasons. And then they become evil crime husbands yayyyy. Wow you thought this was a espionage AU? Well it is, but just not the outcome you'd expect.
#ah well this was certainly a project....#rn i feel like im devolving into illness so im glad i could finish this up before it possibly gets worse#this is my magnum opus as of rn. just bcs ive not really drawn such a longform thing for them!! happy w it :)#i think i def like the first one the best#it made me suffer so bad but i think i soften on my own art after a few days#like i finish it and know its 'good' but cant help but critique every little thing#but ive had that one done for almost a week so now i look at it and really love it#i was originally just going to draw that one only but then realized i really like the full dialog so. might as well.#generally i liked this though bcs even if it ws difficult. it was nice to have really direct and clear reference#like ah ik where im going w this rather than it being an image in my head that i cant represent the way that I want#ah anyways all my vettonso aus tend to be just wanting to explore specific dynamics of theirs#and this one is basically how i feel about their mutual relationship to the institution of ferrari and how it affects their dynamic#basically: THEY'RE MIRRORS!!!#there's always something to be said abt nando being resentful abt seb bcs of 2010/2012/etc and then seb taking his seat at ferrari#but then witnessing seb basically go thru the same trials and tribulations and failures at ferrari#and realizing huh wait maybe he's not who i was villianizing him as. maybe hes at my level too. maybe he's not infallible. maybe hes like m#a very bitter nando who has to fight btwn his impulse to ruin seb further or to relate to him and start to like him#so yeah that's ^ basically what i want to portray in this au(just like all AUs tbh)#f1#formula 1#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#catie.rambling.txt#catie.art.#vettonso#bond au
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just going about my day idly contemplating how some of the ways hawke can interact with a romanced anders are not at all unlike how they interact with leandra (and a bit of carver too, especially with a purple hawke), and then thought about my hawke in the timeline where he romances anders and was hit straight in the face with 'was he ever actually in love, or was he just desperately trying to renegotiate with his mother's ghost in any way he could' and now i need to lie down. this is the power of dragon age 2
#'you don't know my mother' haunting me through the years#dragon age#dragon age 2#hawke#On second thought let's not go to Kirkwall; it is a silly place#there are of course as many ways to do/read that relationship as there are players to interact with it haha and all valid!#but my personal version of handers is sooo fucked up and bad times for everyone involved and I love it haha.#this is a relationship neither of them should have been in and that made everything worse and everyone unhappy in the end#locked tomb levels of the horrors of love. i ship it but in the way that I want to make it sadder and more gutwrenching each time#to be clear this is a very mutual two-way kind of fucked up but I think varric in his loyalty and love would downplay hawke's side of it#for huge swathes of their relationship anders is not in a mental place to be a good partner and the emotional blackmail is Not Okay#(but it's just like how mother used to make it! hawke's soul cries sadly as it reaches for it hungrily)#which is in some ways fair enough no one could accuse him of not warning you ahead of time fjskda#but hawke is messy about it in a way only available to a covert people pleaser who has never had a millisecond of therapy#with some added stuff that my hawke is always acespec in some form and when he gets together with anders...#is the sex something he doesn't particularly care to have or not have but it 'makes anders happy'/he longs to feel wanted *and* needed#and also a way he gets out of ever being *actually* vulnerable (which I think he'd had to be with varric for example if he Went There )#'you want the hawke who's in your head so badly and I kind of wish I were that hawke too. so let's be collaborateurs with that fantasy'#(and then maybe if I do it right every time you'll finally be happy hawke says in his heart looking at this leandra-anders phantom form)#(and echoing stuff in varric's relationship to hawke but I think the important distinction there is that varric -- is a craftsman haha#he KNOWS when he's lying/making up a story he KNOWS the difference between what is and what he wishes the world was#(I think there's some deep longing there to not know; for it to blend together or have the power to change things. but he always knows)#which ironically leaves him in a better position to actually see and understand hawke the person#even as he is creating hawke the literary figure. almost to protect him in some ways? god da2 is so full of STUFF!!! I adore it)#and of course anders gets so disillusioned with hawke's inertia and lack of action (you all but married this man anders!#you should know this about him he's already carrying the whole family and city on his shoulders if you add a gram more he'll collapse!)#and hawke feels so desperately hurt that the promise anders seemed to make that he'd be enough -- that he could fix things for him --#('I'm the one bright light in kirkwall and that apparently doesn't count for shit so I'm just slowly turning to ash for you')#turned out to be untrue. anyway. sad now. imagine them meeting like twenty years on what the fuck could you even say to each other then#(I can't imagine Hawke ever physically hurting anyone he loves so he just tells Anders to leave at the end of DA2. they COULD meet again
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Shout out to everyone who was alone when they came out of surgery
I was going to make this trans-specific, but as I was typing I realised this would suck no matter what you had done. So, to people who wanted someone to be there:
I'm sorry you were alone, or if no one could visit until days later when the scary moments had already passed. I'm sorry no one was there to celebrate you coming out the other side.
You made it, you're alive. I'm hugging you and leaving balloons and stuffed animals (that you may or may not want lol) by your bedside.
#skip talks#hearing funny or heart-warming stories about things people said to their loved ones immediately after surgery always hurt just a little bit#hearing about how someone waited up into the small hours for their person to come out/wake up#i wish could've been there for me#but due to a few factors it wasnt possible#i was happy! but also felt really alone and uncomfortable and i was in a shared ward so i couldnt even relax#😩😩#then came home to find mum had tried to 'help' by clearing out my room and rearranging things#i was NOT in the right headspace to receive that well or wirh grace#it made me anxious and ruined my return home#but of course i was the one who had to say sorry for not being grateful 😑#there are typos here but i cant do anything about em im using the app lmao
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Happy Easter if yall celebrate it!!!!! Otherwise I hope yall have an absolutely fantastic Sunday!!!!
Aaaa I feel like I'm not as chatty as I once was on here. Been a bit all over the place! Also feel silly making a ton of text posts with no art so I try and limit how often I blab on here.
But just know I still appreciate all of you who follow and like my art! Every bit of interaction I still see and it still baffles me to see such kind words. It means the absolute world to me!!!! 💖💖🌻
#plus Ive been drawing other things between wh art#but I know no one here would wanna see my original character art. Which is so okay im not lamenting that!#this blog was always meant for fandom stuff! but ya know. if im drawing other stuff it means my fandom art slows down slightly#still need to get back in the groove with drawing Dandy#really hard not to feel discourage ever since dealing with them being used without my permission (Which has already been long since handled)#but I havent shaken off that upset I felt. Made me all tol hesitant to even post Dandy anymore.#course also kinda put a damper on my fun#OH IM RAMBLING! venting??? this isnt about that#shaking my head and clearing clouds!!! anyway! needless to say im trying. i hope you guys dont mind being patient with me#happy easter!#or uh happy sunday!!!! if you dont celebrate!#OH AND HAPPY TRANS DAY OF VISIBILITY!!!!!!#Wow my tag rambles are all OVER THE PLACE#text post#just rambling#ill shut up now 💖
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#ok im making one more dot post and then i am (hopefully) getting off tumblr and going to bed#liam payne#death#i do suggest not reading tbh because its just gonna be waffle. anyways#ive distanced myself from the boys for years for a multitude of reasons. mainly that they did things that disappointed me and i realised the#way i was attatched to them was unhealthy. so for the most part i listened and enjoyed the music and didnt pay Much attention to anything#else. and like liam. i always liked him in the band days because to me he was the underdog. the underappreciated and probs less stanned one#out of all of them. and when youre a fan i do feel like a lot of us just wanted them all to be appreciated. idk. but anyways yeah i did feel#for him. due to him backgroud growing up. his talent. etc etc. even though he wasnt my fav. and even when he did something wrong my teenage#self still defended him like my life depended on it. (embarassing) anyways. his solo music while it was not my fav i still occasionally#enjoyed. its just over produced pop like it was fine and i found it fun. in terms of him as an actual person by this point in his career i#didnt pay attention to him or the others that much anymore#and like. yeah as of recently as more stuff came out about him being kinda weird and rude and abusive 🙃🙃🙃 that was kind of the final#straw for me! like in terms of me giving a fuck about him. if he eventually came around cool but i wasnt gonna wait around for it.#god this whole thing feels so dramatic but i need to get it oit or i Know i will not be at peace lmao anyways#so yeah come to hearing about his death which. i hear about because of trin lovell on twitter like. shsvshs. anyways my reaction was#disbelief and just... nothing? like i said in my brain i had just disregarded him honestly. and even now i still just feel speechless.#to summarise my feelings. fuck him for how he treated his ex and probably other women as well. but also. he was my boy. he'll always be a#part of me. and it feels weird that hes just. gone. he suffered a lot with addiction and pressures etc and its just. sad that hes gone now.#that he never got to get better. and he wont get the chance to. im sad for his family. and anyone else thats gonna be affected by this#im always gonna remember him.#and thats all i have to say. honestly part of me feels SO dramatic for even typing all this out but here we are.#if anyone has read this far and wants someone to talk to im more than happy. and also just wanna make clear that i am fine#le text post
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Hi I really love your work! I just had a question does the masterlist also list things your working on and haven’t posted yet or am I missing links?? ( I have to ask cause the tumblr app sucks sometimes so lol)
Hiii!👋 Aw, thank you! It's nice to hear it!🥰🫶 You're totally correct. There are scenarios that I'm planning to do and links to the already published posts in my masterlist. (yep, I have big plans😅) *I also answered a question quite similar to yours earlier. Here is a link just in case😉 ... I hope it works😅
#my masterlist#always happy to clear things up :)#I've got so many posts to make...#*sigh*#I just don't have enought time...#(hopefully this was asked NOT because anon cannot believe I've done so little so far (in contrast of what is yet to come))#I made 7/9 of my first post with hcs btw#yeah Tumblr can get confusing#:D
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When it comes to kneeling, with the first kneel was reader on the floor and then Price in a chair? Then second kneel session they were both kneeling?? I like when authors describe the actual positions of the characters but I think I got a little confused 😅 I was trying to figure out the positioning just so I could make more sense of the scene. If you know what I mean?
I get what you mean!! I'm so bad at remembering to describe things like this properly too 😭
So in both instances Price was sitting and reader was kneeling on the floor next to him. To give the clearest visual, Price was sitting facing his desk, and reader was kneeling right next to him on the floor beside his chair also facing the desk. Price only drops down to kneel next to her once they're done, mostly just because reader's kind of boneless and has very little control in those moments and he's not going to let her fall and hurt herself.
I hope that clears it up lol.
#i know a lot of writers struggle with positioning stuff#sometimes i'll be reading and body parts are in places and i'm like...is that even physically possible to do that?#it sounds so uncomfortable lol#always happy to clear things up like this#i'm sure someone else was wondering too#i'll try to do better about stuff like that#i just get the vision in my head and forget y'all can't just see it too lmaoo#answered
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Your swsh art always makes me want to replay the game because i love it and its my favorite pokemon game and every time i play another pokemon game i think of it how i miss certain elements from swsh. Then i boot up the game and im once again caught in the 1 hour 40 minutes hand held intro and im like ah- now i remember why i have been playing other pokemon games instead of this one. Happy (late?) birthday!
you don't want to listen to hop? you don't want to hear him teach you about type matchups? you don't wanna let him cheer u on...? 🥺 waa....?
#ask#bakuspeech#I am joking to be clear lmao#thank u happy bday to me !!#tbh I got real used to pokemon overexpositioning since sumo lol. it's kind of a boon for me#cause I'm not a Gamer™ and my brain takes stuff on Very slowly#so the tutorial stuff and the cutscenes give me time to catch up. also it's still fun to see these guys run around#I am in fact here for these guys lol. weird thing to say about the game built on and with an essential focus on the pokemon I know#I just like humans! I just like watching hop running circles around my player character all excited#and leon being a dick to his hometown people when they're expecting 'leon' back and they get the champion instead#and you get to see sonia used to dealing with it but the frustration never fully fades and how close she is to hop and that picture's bleak#listen this is my bread&butter lol. leon really doesn't show up That much himself around the game he's a shadow casted over the story#it's always interesting to me! does Not mean it's not sluggish to other people who want to play the game lmao#but I like it. also the tutorial at least the first time around was necessary to me bc the difficulty scales way up later on lol#it's a very good first pokemon game I maintain this. sumo never managed to teach me the same way swsh did#I still care drampa tho thank u drampa for being real I love u#lmao it feels like saying I'm not a Gamer™ violates some tenets of having adhd somehow. but its just the case here#the main genres I play are 'itch games tangential to the haunted ps1 people' and 'popcap-style casual games'#my sport's figuring out shapes n movin my stylus sadly. well not sadly why would that be sad
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hhelp wait this is so funny. didnt you follow me forever ago after a scott themed october song analysis . sorry if you dont remember that and this ask doesnt make sense but this is still funny to me
hi!!!! yeah. it was the cherri crane lives art i think and also where you made your flower husbands tag! I have never really interacted with fh outside of you (and like, seeing pretty fanart) but i am nonetheless deeply invested in your interpretation specifically!!! I honestly haven't watched jimmy outside of rats and the beginning of empires2 either i genuinely have no clue what they get up to you just seem to have a lot of fun with it
#asks#<-omg i can make that a tag now#i also am a year behind on the life series. i think the most recent one i've seen is double#like from any pov. i am a year behind. however that goes for everything on youtube#my poor watch later playlist hit the 5000 video limit forever ago and so did the second one i made to replace it. i am on my third#but seriously i don't know what goes on in fh canon but i like their blue/yellow thing they have going on. idk if that's like? intentional?#but like scott blue and canary yellow are really pretty colors together#and they are also SO close to being complimentary colors and yet. they aren't. just a little bit off#they don't quite fit quite how they should. i made that up on the spot i mostly think yellow and blue are nice colors#i think my biggest exposure to scott before you was literally the deal with destiny song in empires1#and i don't even think i acknowledged him as like a real guy ykwim.#like oh yeah. scott smajor. he's like. in that song lizzie made or something. he can sing alright i guess (plays it on loop)(plays it on lo#whisp whispers#seeing u post about Discourse(tm) is always really funny to me because i didn't realize for a while that u did not have like#the 'normal' interpretation? like i didn't realize you had a different view than other people#i was like oh yeah the relationship held in the death games is toxic. that makes sense yeah and is not surprising#and then suddenly there would be a post where you mention discourse and i went. Ohhhhh wait they're supposed to be HAPPY!!!#but i feel like this is infinitely more enjoyable i love Flawed Characters#and especially now after watching his rats. i get it. i get it i get it i see what you are saying#he doesn't interact much with jimmy hes mostly with owen and. i mean#'i've never heard someone apologize so much while putting the blame on the other person'???? i see exactly what you mean#r!scott accidentally hurting r!owen and then apologizing profusely while insisting it's because owen stood in his way. and then immediately#isolating himself in a room for like 20 minutes and refusing to interact with anyone feels like. idk#it reminds me of ur rambles and i understand them more now i think. kind of#to be clear by 'with' i mean like. in proximity of. those rats are AROMANTIC!!!!! (to me)#i'm so sorry these tags are a mess. but alas#i also think it's really funny to follow Flower Husbands guy and know nothing abt them. invested by proxy. whenever i hear abt scott giving#jimmy a flower i get excited not because like i know what's going on but because omg! that's like that thing bree talks about sometimes!!#i hope that like. any of this makes sense shdbfjk
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one last thing, speaking of being glad ford doesn't make fun of people all the time: in dun.geon m.eshi I spent the last 11 episodes like "god if I was in his laios's place I would not be that patient with the people around me constantly booing me and joking about me being crazy and dumb and weird. I wouldn't *leave* considering the stakes but I would be having a bad time"
#trying to stop this from randomly being in the shows tags lol#recently ive been like 'thank god there is someone else here who gets what he means and is on his wavelength now'#I know sen.shi has been mostly on his wavelength but only specifically when it comes to monsters and cooking#like to be clear ive been really liking the show so far#I just always always see these kinds of autistic characters have to let all the little insults and digs at them roll off their backs#i dont think they should change laios's character. it makes sense for his character and hes great. im just talking about Broad Trends#i do think ford not putting up with that kind of shit is one of the things that makes him matter so much to me#character who refuses to put up with All That. and is also allowed to be one of the good guys and have a happy ending? usually unheard of#for laios's show its like. yeah the different reactions to needing to get food from monsters is a really good way of establishing conflict#-across a variety of situations. and if everyone was hype about it then it would be a weaker narrative#and if he was mad about their digs at him then that would change the focus of the story#i just want more stories where characters are allowed to be like ford
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so tired of being a shitty bandaid for my parents' loneliness. like have u ever considered you passed your curse to me and some days i feel so lonely it's like i can't breathe around the emptiness in my chest????
#my dad is like#you can't just be in your room all the time then what's the point of you living here if ill be sitting here all alone then#and im like bhai what#mom also says this to me she always wanted to sit and rant and she used to say you never talk to me#both of these people don't even fucking get it that they're not even interested in me listening to me#mom just wants a sounding board for her venting and dad just wants someone to pretend everything is okay and happy all the time and#the only important things in life is the immediate present and food and making money and stuff#i swear this is why i feel so ????? about myself my identity like no i can't describe myself#because there is no myself there is just a white sheet of paper where people can write whatever they want#im so tired man#why can't they just go and live with each other and leave us kids out of it 😭🙏#like i genuinely am getting teary eyed about such a small thing but god. i want to have my own life so bad. im sick of feeling all these#complicated emotions guilt and anger and pity and obligation and duty like just god pls fuck off#people my age are so fucking mature and put together than me so confident so clear about their path#have friends partners breakups parties just so many new memories#and im just stuck.#and im fine with it now because i get it studying is really important and this is quite basic requirement to be perfect at#atleast my syllabus to survive in this industry#but then. let me do that only. please don't make me pretend to like you like spending time with you and everything#ive hated you for like. idk 14 whole years. since the first time you hit mom in front of me#i remember it so well like my childhood broke that day you slammed her into a wall for some stupid fight and her hair was all messy and#untied and you shouted so loud i thought surely everyone can hear. and then you left to roam around the city at night with your friends#i remember this because my mom and my sister sent me to check up on you with the excuse of a painting of a parrot that i had made#i didn't understand anything back then#but yeah fuck you fuck you fuck you for being so fucking delusional thinking i love you or something#ive prayed to god that you die and i still do#it would directly mean 4 people being happy#anyway#dni#this was meant to be fun and short lol fuck
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#it's quite a while that i do a really long rant here#but i really need to get all the shit out from my mind and clear everything inside my brain#and yeah it's actually related with yesterday's race actually#i mean we all always saying that never let sports ruin or dictate our own emotions and other phrases that related with this#but in a serious matter it really really exhausted my mind and honestly yesterday is the peak of it#and the fact is before the race start i was feeling so happy that srg wins mpl malaysia for 2nd time#and i say to myself that whatever happens during the race i should be happy that my fav esports team wins another title this year#but yeah....the race happens and it all just chaos...i mean not that usual chaos but i feel it's even worse#especially after the race#like seriously i should have stay away from any social medias for a while today#because i know how awful the vibes and environment there (and here as well tbh)#but yeah 🥲🥲🥲#like i really expecting that f1 is the only sports out of other sports that i'm getting into with#that i really feel mentally drained and doesn't makes me feel any joy by enjoying it at some point#but yesterday...that's the peak of it#i'm just getting more and more tired of the whole thing happens in f1#and the real life 'job' (more like uni life) doesn't even help me brighten up my mood either#where during app development my group is having a really though situation to going back from the start#in which we had some conflicting on some of the solutions are as same as other one group#and forreal all my groupmates were just fed up thinking about how to came up with new ideas#so yeah it's just this past few hours are just mentally emotionally physically drained out#like i really need to take a break for a while but idk i'm sure#i'll starting to get more and more tasks and assignment for the next few days *sigh*#nahhhhhh i know it's really long rant but i just want to be in a good headspace rn
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