#alucard is a fuckin child

[lena--beana]

Damn I can't believe Sam Deats read my journal and made Castlevania Nocturne specifically for me with everything I could have wanted from a Rondo/Symphony story but like

Oh my GOD??????????

Olrox getting main billing after being my favorite one-off villain with one (1) boss fight with no build-up and never reappearing, they were really like "yeah let's make him the hottest motherfucker in the world and make him even cooler while we're at it"

Richter and Maria's character designs are 😘👌 perfection! I loved how Maria had her classic hairdo with her nightgown too and watching Richter put the bandana on for the first time with goddamn "Divine Bloodlines" playing like????

And Richter doing the Grand Cross??? And his flame whip????? The 1000 blades technique against the marquis?????? Maria using so many of her animal friends and caring so much about each of them sweet child oh my goodness

Not to mention the way I screamed louder for Juste than Alucard bc let's be real baby vampire boy was always going to come back but I had NO faith that they would even look at my boy JB and especially Maxim?? Even in passing I'm so touched holy shit. And I see that red coat on the foot of his bed, I know my angry grandpa's coming back 👀👀

But speaking of Alucard I adore this redesign, the little cravat telling me they're at least trying to give him his Symphony look instead of the t-shirt in the last show is a nice touch but that porcelain doll look is killer and I'm all here for it 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Also everything about Annette oh my lord?? Giving her anything besides just being a damsel in distress like before but everything about her backstory had me on the edge of my seat and I LOVED watching her trap the plantation owner in a cage before the end

Loved getting to see Countess Bathory since we're never getting a Bloodlines anime, the succubus who took me way too long to realize she wasn't just a unique vampire like I had every clue thrown in my face from the fit to the nails and she even admitted to haunting men's dreams and I didn't figure it out til the second she grew wings 😭 glad Alucard still got to finish her off but I'm sad we probably won't get that scene with Lisa again (which probably wouldn't happen since Drac isn't back anyway so there wouldn't be much point)

Can I just talk about Olrox some more bc like??? This guy had NOTHING before the show, he was a fuckin Nosferatu reference and now they gave him all this history, they kept all of his abilities and the dragon transformation?? Plus the beautiful purple and gold suit and those piercing green eyes I love one (1) man and its this fucker I need WAY more of him next time around 👀👀👀👀👀

And yes absolutely I'm excited for next time, we're picking up right where Rondo starts, Father Abbott as a stand-in for Shaft and Tera immediately being turned, the city about to burn like? Are we gonna see Death again?? Do we get to watch Richter fight the Behemoth next season? Is Abbott going to totally lose his mind and bring back Dracula to stop Bathory? Since Alucard is here from the start and not after a time skip do we get to see the Inverted Castle? We already got so much that I would have called a million to one chance but anything's possible now we are SO back baybeeeee

[trulyhappy2025]

Dracula’s kids are embarassing emos change my mind

okay so I’ve seen some discourse on Dracula’s kids throughout pop culture and, hear me out: 

What if some of the kids just like to switch up names? Like, in this one fic I wrote, Lily Munster’s full name is Sibella. She went to a school where she met Scooby Doo. 

AND ALUCARD

Y’all know Hellsing? Because I do. And every fucking time, I get Alucard from Castlevania and Alucard from Helsing abridged, and now I’m just in love with the idea that they’re the same fuckin guy. Like... Alucard from Hellsing was basically his edgy emo phase. At some point maybe he literally took a nap, woke up, and was like ‘oh fuck, wtf have I done.’ And now any time he and his siblings are in the same room together Draculaura will make fun of him for his edgy emo phase and he’ll just sink into his chair like ‘stfu you actual CHILD’

That’s not even getting into the potential hilarity of other vampire related media crossovers. Draculaura? Takes a gap year after graduating from monster High where she uses the name ‘Carmilla’ and seduces a ton of noble ladies and drinks their blood

[nuclearforest]

6, 8 and 17 for violence : )

Ty 👀

I say I should choose violence on the reg but I am the emotional equivalent of a puppy. Like yeah I can swing a bat at a hornets' nest but I'm pretty sure there's very little hate in my heart for actual people. So uh. This might be more boring than expected.

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

Fun fact: I have like, no concept of participating very actively in Fandom. I dick around sometimes and put my work out for others to enjoy but in terms of other consumption its limited. Joining discourse and having strong opinions is even more limited.

So like, ship fans being annoying I don't have much of an opinion anywhere lmfao. If I don't like it I don't look. Closest thing I have to distaste is anybody who ships Schrodinger as he is without aging up because that is a literal child and I will throw hands. So really the only off limits thing in Hellsing IMO.

(Let me adopt the catboy i beg)

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

Alucard is not fine and is fuckin greasy as hell next

(Jk. But look at that man and tell me he's house trained. Knows how to use a shower. He wears his fucking boots indoors and his hair is weird and probably bloody or oily all the time. IDC how fine he looks to some folks: y'all be ready for a gross man. At least you know you can bathe a dog for sure.)

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

Werewolf husbando my beloved

Like any at all I'm thirsty for

I want that man in a corset

More mechanic shennanigans

Maybe him holding a body pillow bc he's a weeb

I need more werewolf in my life. And or maybe more reader insert shit. Somebody please join me in this highly specific and kind of empty canoe.

Also lowkey need weeb Mill. Honestly untapped potential for a crowd of genuine losers being interesting. I love them so much both as actual villains with interesting motivations that are surprisingly well captured in such a short amount of time and for the goofy side bits Hirano drew with them. Anybody wanna rec me new things?

[lightshapen]

I just finished castlevania the netflix series and now I am fuming about how Alucard never got to be happy with his parents ever in the wholeass 4 seasons. THEY JUST FUCKIN MOVE TO ENGLAND??? Not even a 'hello there only child that had to kill his own father in his childhood bedroom, just letting you know we're back! And possibly a little sorry about all that haha'

[leftover-rice]

ok so i finished castlevania season 3 yesterday and yall,,,im still salty - they did my poor boys hector and alucard SO fuckin dirty, but good for isaac, im proud of him

[brokennerdalert]

2D men that I probably shouldn’t be attracted to but am...

       ~HISOKA~

I’m sure you guys could’ve guess. I mean everybody has the hots for a pervy clown. 

I normally hate clowns -with their over the top makeup and constant need to make you laugh- but I cant even with him. Like how?!? I dont have an explanation why, so I’m just gonna leave it. (I’m not even gonna talk about the clothes, because we all know he’s gonna die in those heels)

          ~ILLUMI~

Illumi and Hisoka sort of go hand in hand. Maybe it’s the blank look in his eyes or his soft looking hair. Ok, ngl he looks like a vampire. With slightly better clothing taste than Hisoka, but still kinda bad. But him as a teen! *chefs kiss*

          ~OOROCHIMAU~

Alright, now we did NOT come here to judge. I understand he’s creepy and barfs up snakes but... he looks good in uniform? Ok I got nothing. Ooops.

          ~HIDAN~

He literally licks blood, I wouldn’t be surprised if he had HIV or an STD. And since he’s super into doin his cult thing, also wouldn’t be surprised if he murdered me in my sleep.

But on the plus side his chesticales are just exposed?

               ~KAKAZU~

What a lovely smile. I get he’s old as dust and prob smells like it too, but COME ON! LOOK AT HIM! Again he’s only smexy without the mask. He otherwise looks like a toe.

          ~SANGWOO~

...sorry not sorry.

..I feel bad for thinking he’s cute since- ya know. But can say I dig the eye bags. Why does he always walk around in his undies? Less mess or is he too “hot” (you know what I mean)

          ~ALUCARD~

Super classy with the hat, shades and trench coat. He does had a...unique laugh. But he’s a badass so I suppose he has the right to screech like a freakin donkey. But his sass and snarky comments need to stop.

        ~AINOSUKE (aka ADAM)~

 Man gives me Hisoka vibes, but less rape-y ( tho maybe not)  and more child-beating. I dont know if it’s the hair or the voice that reminds me of our beloved predator. But Adam has the same need to “fight” and trying to find the perfect competitor.

i may only like him cause he reminds me of Hisoka.  

          ~FERID BATHORY~

Nice hair. Nice clothes. Nice smile. Only problem is he’s a sadist. And may be into young boys...

         ~SHUU TSUKIYAMA~

I get he moans every time he eats. I really got no answer for this one. He’s just such a douche. 

Maybe it’s cause he speaks french. 

          ~ZACK (aka ISAAC FOSTER)~

Freakin’ batshit. Literally throws up when someone isn’t scared. I know I shouldn’t make excuses, but he’s my lil edgy traumatized boi and I love him. He gets better...kinda. 

          ~MORI~

Another pedo. I CANT HELP IT! HE’S HOT OKAY! (i prob can help it tho) I think it’s just the hair and clothes for me.

          ~FYODOR~

He’s Russian. That’s it. 

(okay maybe his hair too)

          ~RYO~

I love him and hate him. He’s a boss ass bitch with extra salt and a heaping pile of sass. 

          ~GAROU~

Bad guy with heart of gold. He’s prob the least “bad” guy on the list. I mean he has a soft spot for kids, what’s not to love.

NOT TO MENTION HE’S EFFIN RIPPED AND A FREAKIN BADASS!!!

          ~SUKUNA~

Cocky bitch. I fuckin love him and his tattooes. Extra mouths and all.

          ~DABI~

This man has the prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen, end of story. Kinda dig the scars and piercings. But give this boy some new clothes please.

          ~ZEKE YEAGER~

I hate this man with a passion. Like so so so so MUCH! But he do have a beard that’s on point. And nice looking hair. With his lil ole glasses. 

          ~ELIAS AINSWORTH~

This...man? Did nothing wrong. I think i’m just confused about the fact the man has a carnivorous goat head. Does this make me into beastiality? Please say no. He’s like the perfect gentlemen. He likes tea and is sweet. 

He 100% deserves all the love in the world.

[maybe-your-left]

Hi, I’m new to your page and enjoyed the Doctor Ren masterlist. Are you planning on writing more, especially with ones featuring more of Odin?

i am planning on more Dr. Ren! people love him! i love him! he is the best man and my most trusted physician.

i do plan on some with the Ren family, Odin included. he is his precious baby prince who he loves so very much.

let’s have some Odin Ivan Ren HCs....

Odin Ivan Ren...

You had Odin in the middle of a thunderstorm, which is why you leaned towards him having a more ‘godly’ name.

He was born with a head of black fuckin’ hair, very pale, and cries almost burst your eardrums.

After Ren was allowed back into the delivery room *cough* someone was not letting the doctors do their jobs *cough* he was in love.

You couldn’t seperate the two of them, whenever Odin wasn’t breastfeeding or being held by you, he was in Rens arms.

Keeping him tight against his left shoulder, little head between the crook of Rens neck. He would hold him while working from home, didn’t want to leave you alone with your first child.

Since he had Belle before, he was more confident in dealing with a newborn. Whereas you were frazzled, I mean Odin was 11 pounds. you needed to recover.

Belle met him a few weeks after he was born, Ren didn’t want her getting him sick so she wasn’t allowed to hold him or anything like that. She was more concerned about keeping her dads attention than her baby brother.

Callie (Rens ex-wife) was less than thrilled about the child. Calling him a bastard, which Ren responded by handing Odin off to you and dragging Callie out of the house.

You couldn’t hear what was said between them both, but Callie never spoke bad about Odin after that.

The nurses love Odin! He’s a little prince, Rey absolutely loves him. She is the go to babysitter for him, despite letting Belle play with knives that one time, she’s been great with him.

As a toddler, Odin is smart and developing fast. His first words were: Fuck, Shit, Daddy, Don’t repeat that.

Odins favorite color is green, because dragons and dinosaurs are green. His favorite animal is a t-rex, and before you ask, yes. Ren has one of those x-rex costumes that he wore for Odins birthday.

Its stuffed in a box high in the closet where you can’t reach it.

I wonder how Odin will be as a teenager?

———

Here is the link to my Kylo Ren Masterlist for more!

TAGGING FOR ATTENTION: @finn-ray-nal-beads @onlykyloscenes @candycanes19 @historyandfandoms50 @caelum-phyriina-vermillon @ghoulian13 @mrs-kylo-ren @millenialcatlady @mrs-zimmerman @relationshipwithmybed @dancingmicrobes @wayward-rose  @contesa-lui-alucard @daydreamsofren @insufferablelust @ohdamnadamm @mariesackler @caillea @safarigirlsp @jalexunderthestars @shesakillerkween @glassythoughts @zimmermansbrat @not-the-teen-witch​ @jynzandtonic @roanniom @celestiasin @glassbxttless

[glitchlight]

castlevania s4 thoughts

this is basically a live tweet thread but I didn’t live tweet it because a) spoilers for something fairly fresh and b) [ASSHOLE]’s name is all over this, as he was apparently fired after his role had wrapped up anyways.

the tl;dr for s4 and the whole of the series imo is “Incompetent Writing Well Executed” because there are frankly juvenile editing and pacing mistakes everywhere but the animation, voicework, and design are often exceptional.

i also think it’s constructive for creators to develop a strong editorial eye and to be able to see what the flaws in other works are, and what works well, a lot of my thoughts are specifically tied into that, and also criticism since I basically watched it because I have friends modestly interested in finishing it but not wanting to touch it because of [ASSHOLE]. this contains modest spoilers but a lot of the later plot details i refer to only obliquely.

-boy it doesn't feel great seeing [ASSHOLE]'s name as the first name on the title card. I get giving people their due in writing but you could've had a slighly longer title card to elevate the people who worked on it aside from [ASSHOLE] so we can celebrate them. -you could teach the first half of the first ep as what not to do in setting up plot threads it's that blatantly obvious -lenore and hector are basically different characters from s3 because [ASSHOLE] needed to introduce more intrigue to Carmilla's court. -Women need trauma to be villains hack shit. -must we introduce a morally grey androgynous woman of color badass who doesn't care about the deaths of her allies -fly demon becomes a character just cause people liked his scene lol hack shit -isaac remains easily the best and most interesting character in the series (aside from the problematic elements of his character) -fantasy "i'm blocking your number" scene is funny -Vampire Lady Hot -THEY GENDER FLIPPED GRANT??? -boy the animation budget for episode 4 got slashed for no reason?? it looks way worse than the preceding material. -cool st. germain's back and the girl he's into is literally a voiceless random badass-- the fourth such one this season? [ASSHOLE] is a hack but come the fuck on. - I personally liked the implications St. Germain was from a different physical reality than ours or at least a different timeline (such as with the triangular notebook, which I know was a real thing but serves a different purpose as shorthand in a series when it passes without mention like that) but him being from europe still is boring. - the library dimension is fun but would be less jarring if it weren't so visibly 3D in a series that ostensibly aims to be 2D - Yet Another Nameless WoC Morally Grey Badass Facilitating White Male Plot huh. - I get that we're doing a "St. Germain is of the same as Dracula" plot here and that "in service of love people do terrible things" but it's undercut by how much I hate St. Germain as a character and don't give a shit about him. - also, furthermore, i just straight up hate narratives that have to tell you a villain's motivations in detail by giving them perspective. it's hack shit.   - the infinite corridor is a weird plot element that doesn't really add anything to this story beyond a fabled otherworld and some cool aesthetics. -god lenore you interupted hector last season saying "the real people are talking" and now you care about him?? [ASSHOLE] is an idiot. - this entire series of fights is rendered toothless by remembering alucard can literally control his sword with his mind and is just holding it for plot convienence. - this scene of sypha and trevor both, separately, doing what they do best is a good scene. i've been critical of a lot but this is a good scene. - we're triggering the endgame now? like right now? Carmilla's been in one scene. Like I know the prior seasons have been criticized for being too much set up but this is literally set up into climax already?? - well here's where the money from episode 4 went. - You spent all that time in season 3 setting up the sisterhood and then didn't make them the villains of season 4 huh. Fuck off. That's so fucking stupid. - AND HECTOR AND ISAAC?? YOU HAVE FOUR MORE EPISODES YOU ABSOLUTE CLOWN - I am Russian I am Soldier - Soldier boy having the same rant as carmilla we get it vampires are bad -stock-child-laughing-soundeffect.mp3 - "Of course I'm insane!" "The fuck what now?" is actually a kind of fun line. - [ASSHOLE]'s writing style isn't so much a puzzle box plot, one of many moving parts intricately sliding together, so much as heaps of mud being flung at the page from a half dozen different hands. It all sticks together but it does so messily and only with great violence. - this is just a kaiju -Where did this second vampire army even come from, who the fuck is Dorgon or whatever? Was this written for Carmilla's army then got changed because that would make way more sense than this rando -Boy I'm not comfortable with this slur being thrown around even if it's usage is complicated. -the inversion of the invasion in dracula's castle hall is a nice touch. - they did the op as fight music thing. - ah damn this guy has the same fight gimmick as a character i was gonna do dope though - Sypha continues to have the best fight scenes which makes up for her not having a character arc this season in [ASSHOLE]'s eyes. - That plot twist is okay I guess but it's very funny that he talks like that. And says Fucked Up. - I can't believe that after one of the biggest critiques of season 2 was that there were a bunch of vampire fights with nameless voiceless vampires who don't matter and you don't care about, it ends the exact same way. at least the fights are weirder and better than the kind of lifeless scene in S2. - This trope is so common but still works. - This ending is, par for the course in this adaptation of Castlevania, rather anti-climactic - You had to make the shoutout, and i bet you felt so clever [ASSHOLE] - Is that finale worth it in the end. like hell yeah good animation but fuckin didn’t make a lick of sense. - that bit of cleaning up got me to cry but only because i'm a tender-hearted idiot. - this ending is far too tidy (Hack shit) and the sequel hook is bullshit dumbfuckery. - FEET

[castlevania-afterdark-imagines]

how would main trio + dracula feel about a partner who is normally anxious, very shy, and quiet, but very sweet. but then later they learn their an absolute freak in the sheets and they just havnt told anyone? 👀

Short answer: they mcfuckin love it

Hector and Isaac added at the very thirsty request of Mod Rose!

Trevor

Give the guy fuckin whip lash why don’t you?

He’d settled so comfortably into the idea that he would get to flex his big strong man arms all the time, lead in bed with gentle urges but noooooo

Since fucking when could a person do that with their tongue?

First morning after he’s just still in shock, caught between staring and reimagining the whole affair.

Once that settled in though, so fucking smug that he’s the only one who knows.

Definitely teasing you about it behind closed doors, how only he knows what’s hiding behind the facade.

Also finds he has to stop drinking in the evening if he’s going to have any hope of satisfying you.

Alucard

After your first night together, he goes through a solid day of wondering if he’s good enough to keep up.

Short lived mope session, he’s just used to being the overlearned and strongest of the party.

Thoroughly enjoys it once he’s calmed down.

The duality reminds him of himself, his human and vampiric sides, and gives him a weird comfort to be more open in his sexual wants as well.

Ventures into that section if his father’s library that he’d been chased away from when he was a child to find…research materials.

Bonus fun that he has an entire castle of equipment and crafting materials.

Anything you can dream up, he can make happen.

Sypha

Deeeeeeelighted.

She gets a total kick out of the duality of it, much like how she had to play a disguised role among the Speakers.

Up for just about anything, though if it’s a foreign enough concept you might have to pause and explain it out for her before doing it.

Ever a learning woman.

Expect much teasing about all the things she could wear under her robes if you let her.

Becomes a lil more defensive in the day to day to make up for playing a little more submissive at night.

She is near hovering with excited energy after dinner, giving blatant hints about how you should definitely retire to bed soon.

Dracula

Somehow knew what was coming?

He couldn’t tell you why, he’d just got the feeling in his stomach when he first saw you.

First time he pried just the most unabashed moan from your lips he damn near burst into laughter at being right.

Good thing he’s had centuries to experiment- now he’s found the perfect “test subject”.

Very rewarding of any time you let him try something he’s only read about.

He was already very protective of you (can’t really blame the guy from the track record of his relationships), but now he’s twice as fast to shut down anyone who tries to tease you about sexual things.

Your dirty side is his to know about and experience thank you very much.

Hector

He’s known humans to have a dual nature for most of his life, but he did not expect it to mean his sweet dove of a partner to be quite so… animalistic in bed.

First time he heard a particularly dirty request fall from your lips he went bright red, complied as best he could while still piecing his brain back together.

Is now infinitely more curious about what else you might be into.

Still attached at your hip during the day, but you can tell his mind wanders sometimes when stares at you a bit too long.

Actually locks Caesar out of the bedroom now, embarrassed parent syndrome, when he senses things are about to get wild.

Isaac

Saw right the fuck through it.

It was little cues, like the dilation of pupils when you touched his arm and felt the muscles flex underneath or glancing away when he would chastise Godbrand about staying his latest sexual conquest in the middle of a war meeting.  

But it caught his interest pretty quickly, wanting to tease out what you were thinking.

When his suspicions were confirmed via his incredibly sore back and hips one morning there was a smirk on his face for the rest of the day.

Lightly teases about telling Hector about your curious nature, but you both know he would never.

He just gets that little thrill of knowing a secret, especially when it’s something he can cater to.

And he’s much too defensive to ever want to let anyone else know about your desires.

-Mod Soviet

[excorcismic]

uhm . . . cheesed to meet you ?? - HI GANG !! what’s up , i’m hylia and i . . . love . misa and death note with my entire heart . I KNOW FOR A FACT i will probably pick up more characters along the way but i couldn’t have picked a better one to start out with !! i have experience writing both misa & light - i actually am more experienced writing light than misa , but i still have a lot of experience with her under my belt !! i’m currently writing him in another group and when i saw duality i just HAD to write her here - i’m so excited to plot w/ y’all !! so lemme tell you the basic facts & some connections and ideas i have under the cut c: ( this got long i’m so sorry )

ooooooooooooo you wanna plot with misa so bad oooooooo - AHEM . so . 

IF YOU ARE NOT FAMILIAR WITH DEATH NOTE / MISA : death note is a manga / anime revolving around a smart young man ( light yagami ) who discovers a supernatural notebook who can take the life of any human as long as the writer knows their name & face . light uses this book to essentially try and purge the world of evil , earning the alias ‘kira’ ( who gains a following ) , and misa , who acquires a death note of her own , seeks him out as the second kira . she possesses things that he doesn’t , so essentially she becomes his partner in crime - she , falling in love with him ( or more so the idea of him she created for herself ) , and he , entertaining her fantasies in exchange for her abilities and assistance . it’s . . . way more complicated in detail and honestly pretty sad but that’s the getgo . she’s a pretty girl with a very powerful notebook and she likes a guy with a powerful notebook that sees her more as a tool he can use to further his plans . OH OH OH and also she has a protective monster lady who’s in love with her and looking after her and threatening to clap light if he hurts misa in any way . 

death note . . . is a story about how people who were good can become awful towards other people and themselves if you give them a bit of power . 

BUT ANYWAY . misa actually has a much happier life here than in death note !! it’s . . . still kinda eh in some places but overall much better since that godforsaken notebook doesn’t exist and isn't here to screw anyone's lives up .

she's a former child actor, now a musician in a pop punk band called 'your friends & the skeletons!!' but as of rn with her taking a break from big performances and touring she's just a streamer operatin' out of alucard and trying to entertain herself since sometimes the world gets a little too big for her and she needs to take a step back.

it’s a pretty cute life & that’s the rundown !! of course , it’ll be more detailed and developed in my intro for her , but that being said - CONNECTIONS .

OHHHH YOU WANNA PLOT OUT THESE WANTED CONNECTIONS / PLOTS WITH ME SO BAD OOOOOOHHH AND OHHHH YOU WANNA LIKE THIS POST FOR ME TO DM YOU FOR PLOTTING SO BAD OHHHHHHHHH

okay so obviously some band mates !! YF&TS i imagine is a four-piece with misa on rhythm guitar & vocals , then lead guitar , bass , and drums . i imagine they’re all friends with misa , but maybe one person has been friends with misa since like . . . forever . and has seen her go through literally everything .

so , misa lives alone . maybe i’ll have her look for a roommate along the way but as for right now , even though she lives by herself ( and honestly is a lil lonely ) , i really like the idea that maybe she’s the helper neighbor that wants to befriend everyone that lives on her floor , runs to get groceries , always visits and checks in on people , etc . !! so neighbor friends pretty please !!

obviously if u wanna make ppl be fans of misa & her band that is a-okay with me just pls keep in mind they’re kinda big but not . . . big big . like they’ve got some dedicated fans but not full on stans y’know

SO  . . . folds hands . i kinda like the idea that misa hasn’t been through that many serious relationships ( always gets her heart broken through them ) but maybe there was that one serious ex-partner she had and they broke it off for whatever reason . it’d have to be when she was 18-20 and they’d be together for maybe about two or three years before her career takes off and stuff and yeah it’d be the saaaad relationship that fizzled out even tho it was serious for a bit

also some not so serious/long relationships where misa got her heart broken !! fun times !! misa throws her full heart into things way too easily so this could’ve happened in many different ways . flings ?? check . short-term relationships ?? check . she wrote a letter for someone on a starbucks napkin asking them out and they rejected so whenever she comes into said starbucks she feels shy & awkward ordering something ?? check . ( we can have fun with this basically it’s ‘ misa tried it with y/m and it didn’t work out and she’s still lonely ’ )

friends please !! friends that misa’s made in alucard !! also friends with benefits maybe !! idk !! misa is a very friendly person she will be your friend if you say ‘hi’ in a positive tone towards her !!

oh i think it’d b rly funny if there was one person misa kept trying to befriend and they’re just rly stubborn abt it for some reason bc idk maybe they find misa annoying or something anyway give me sb who misa wants to be friendly with n they’re just No abt it for whatever reason

ONE OF THE THINGS I HAVE FOR MISA AS A STREAMER IS THAT SHE’S RLY INTO THE PARANORMAL AND RECORDS STUFF WITH IT SO PARANORMAL GHOST ADVENTURES PALS PLEASE !!

she’s also a gaming streamer so imagine she gets into a fight with sb behind a screen on a game and/or stream and then finds them in alucard like ‘oh fuck’ aka cyber enemies

also the exact opposite scenario with cyber friends aka misa makes a friend on a game and they meet each other irl and it’s cute !!

misa . . . is not a huge party girl but i imagine she has ppl that regularly invite her to parties and stuff so there’s that . but like . she only knows these people in context of partying - they’re her party friends and that’s it and her relationships with them are just kinda shallow .

i’d ALSO like a friend she makes that’s maybe a little more sheltered & naive to the world than she is so she just takes them to cool places and stuff !! shows them what it’s like to live on the ‘ wild side ’ !! whether it’s driving to a 24 hr gas station for candy and snacks in the middle of the night and staying out until sunrise just on the road or just sitting at misa’s apartment and watching true crime documentaries in their jammies . just sb misa’s gonna take like ‘ hey we’re gonna show u what LIVING is like ’

actual shipping . . . i would love to explore at a point but i wanna explore other things first so that’ll just be smth that comes up in development maybe !! i want misa to get a chance to experience what actual love is and explore the relationship aspect of it so i’m open to it but also i just wanna develop it n let it come naturally . filled !

ANYWAYS . i’m open to rly anything !! enemies ?? friends ?? frenemies ?? friends or enemies with benefits ?? unrequited crushes ?? exes ?? found family ?? party pals ?? streamer pals/enemies ?? LET’S PLOT IT OUT I’M SO EXCITED

sorry this is a long as hell list anyways let’s plot out some relationships even tho i’m bad at plotting and trust me the intro is. probs gonna be even longer. i am so sorry.

ANYWAYS ILY ALL IM SO EXCITED TO WRITE/PLOT W/ U GUYS

- - - - - - - - - - - POST-EVENT ANNOUNCEMENT EDIT : okay so this one is rly specific but , , , i rly would like if maybe misa had sb to go to the cirque du eradicus with ?? probably as a date !! a date that doesn’t have to amount to anything but they’re gonna b the one who witnesses misa go into the hall of mirrors n it’s gonna be kind of like a connection since they’re gonna have been together when that stuff happens and it could be rly fun to work with in the future . just gonna put the age limit for this one at 22 - 26 just bc gaps and all !! i think it could be cute if it goes well or interesting if it doesn’t but . yeah idk they can split off at some point for other threads bt ANYWAYS I JUST THINK IT’D B FUN filled !

also if anyone wants to bring me anyone from death note i will kiss u ESPECIALLY for light , l , rem , or matsuda . pls . maybe these characters can ACTUALLY get a normal fuckin’ life this time around - ( sometimes we just want to live in the yotsuba arc forever where everyone’s runnin around solvin mysteries and not scheming against each other - )

death note hits differently .

[star-killer-md]

Thank you so much for tagging me @worm800!! 🥺💖Technically it was my main blog that got tagged but I’ve had that sine 2014 and only ever post memes not like personal stuff, so imma answer it on here cause I fuckin love these tag games.

Rules: Bold everything that applies to you and tag (10) people you’d like to get to know better.

Appearance:

I’m over 5’5” // I wear glasses // contacts // I have blonde hair // I prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // I have one or more piercings// I have at least one tattoo // I have blue eyes // I have dyed or highlighted my hair // I have gotten plastic surgery // I have or had braces // I sunburn easily // I have freckles // I paint my (toe)nails // I typically wear makeup // I don’t often smile // I am pleased with how I look // I prefer Nike to Adidas // I wear baseball hats backward

Hobbies and Interests:

I play a sport // I can play an instrument // I am artistic // I know more than one language // I have won a trophy in some sort of competition// I can cook or bake without a recipe // I know how to swim // I enjoy writing // I can do origami // I prefer movies to TV shows // I can execute a perfect somersault // I enjoy singing // I could survive in the wild on my own // I have read a new book series this year // I enjoy spending time with friends // I travel during school or work breaks // I can do a handstand

Relationships:

I am in a relationship // I have been single for over a year // I have a crush // I have a best friend I have known for ten years // My parents are together // I have dated my best friend // I am adopted // My crush has confessed to me // I have a long-distance relationship // I am an only child // I give advice to my friends // I have made an online friend // I met up with someone I have met online

Aesthetic:

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell // I have watched the sunrise// I enjoy rainy days // I have slept under the stars // I meditate outside // The sound of chirping calms me // I enjoy the smell of the beach // I know what snow tastes like // I listen to music to fall asleep // I enjoy thunderstorms // I enjoy cloud watching // I have attended a bonfire // I pay close attention to colors // I find mystery in the ocean // I enjoy hiking on nature paths // Autumn is my favorite season

Misc:

I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // I am the mum friend // I live by a certain quote(s) // I like the smell of Sharpies// I participate in extracurricular activities // I enjoy Mexican food // I can drive a stick-shift // I believe in true love// I make up scenarios to fall asleep// I sing in the shower // I wish I lived in a video game // I have a canopy above my bed // I am multiracial // I am a redhead // I own at least three dogs

tagging: @thewilddingleberries, @contesa-lui-alucard, and @obsessionprofessional (no pressure to answer at all of course!)

[wynnyfryd]

tag game

thanks for the tag @keyflight790

Rules: Name ten favourite characters from ten different things (TV, movies, books, etc.), then tag ten people.

Tagging: @plantboipotter @gallifrey1sburning @milo-ren-solo @xebastii @wizarding-world-of-draco-malfoy @harryromper @flangstywankers @dracoismytrashson @serenefreakgeek @nettleforest

These aren’t ranked in order of favorites because I have a nasty habit of falling in love with people who don’t fucking exist so like, I love them equally. This is also not by any means an exhaustive list, mostly just a mix of recent new favs + rewatches.

1. Jaskier/Dandelion - The Witcher

my beautiful Slytherin DRAMA QUEER (you know what, I’m gonna let that autocorrect stand bc it’s even more accurate)

2. Alucard Emery - Shades of Magic trilogy

BISEXUAL 👏 SHIP 👏 CAPTAIN

This series has so many phenomenal characters and it’s really hard to choose just one because like, Kell and Lila and Prince Rhy and even the villains are fascinating EVERYONE PLEASE GO READ THESE BOOKS.

3. Willow - Buffy the Vampire Slayer

or faith. Or Anya. Or Buffy herself, this show was so badass and one of the few true girl power shows of my childhood that didn’t just feel like obvious pandering girl power, ya know? Also Willow was my first bi-con and I Stan. ALSO, VAMPIRE WILLOW 😩❤️

4. Alyssa - The End of the F***ing World

She’s just such a piece of shit and I see entirely too much of my college self in her but I love her even more for it. Also, to quote @plantboipotter: ACCENT

5. Draco Malfoy - you fuckin’ know what from

My son. My actual child. I love him so much, and he deserved a GODDAMN REDEMPTION ARC so much more than Snape. Okay but truly, I don’t think I’ve ever seen another character with as much potential ever. You could write a million stories about the man Draco grows up to be.

6. Peter - To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before

This is really just a love letter to Noah Centineo more than anything, but what an absolute sweet potato. I love his wholesome little “whoa whoa whoas.” Furthermore: eyebrows. That is all.

7. Scorpius Malfoy - Cursed Child

Cursed Child can eat my entire ass but in the vein of wholesome root vegetables, Scorpius is by far my favorite next gen character to see in fic. I love the way the fandom writes him, and he always has the cutest warm fuzzy friends-to-lovers plots with Albus. Plus I just really love Dad Draco 😍

8. Kat Stratford - 10 Things I Hate About You

HOW can you even pick a favorite character out of this dynamite fucking ensemble you CANT but I’ll try. I love Kat so much. I resonate with her guarded exterior, with her big dreams, her pessimism and rebellious spirit, but most importantly with her desire to make out with a young heath ledger yes GOD. 😂 Seriously though, she’s just great and I totally would have been her Shakespeare dork friend listening to bad girl punk with her in our black-walled bedrooms.

9. Alice Cullen - Twilight

LISTEN.

I fuckin’ hate Twilight, alright? It’s toxic trash. Rubbish. Garbagio. BUT, 12yo me was obsessed. That book series really sparked my love of reading and led me to discover fanfic and creative writing bc the characters were so cool and I wanted to be friends with them and I felt like there was just so much more to their stories. I especially loved the concept of Alice, and I used her for a ton of early attempts at writing (which I have since lost/ burned so no you can’t see them, thank Merlin.)

10. Geralt - The Witcher

You know what, I tried real hard not to repeat any universes here, but this man is dreamy af and it simply can’t be helped.

[motheatenscarf]

So, I recently recommended Castlevania to people based on the first 2 seasons, and having now seen the 3rd season I’m still keeping that recommendation but with some pretty strong warnings going in.

The TL;DR version is, I still recommend this series with the caveat that your mileage may vary depending on your tolerance for sexual themes and more specifically your sensitivity toward sexual assault. 

So uh, spoiler in the spoiler disclaimer, but content warning for discussion of the above themes. I apologize to mobile readers; this got long. I only feel the need to say all this because I have in the past recommended this show to people before these elements came into play in the first 2 seasons. So, I kind of owe it to those people who may have taken my recommendation to follow through now.

I’m sure it won’t come as a shock to anyone (or at least I hope it won’t) that Castlevania, the show which introduces its wandering drunk protagonist by having him overhear two inbred shit eating peasants in a bar talking about literal goat fucking, has a pretty cynical view on humanity and is a pretty hard R.

Most of that R rating and cynicism has been in regard to gore and Christianity and I’ve been extremely on board and pettily here for it. For all that it’s a gory mess with plenty of colorful language, however, it’s been extremely restrained when it comes to sexuality. 

For my ace ass, that was kind of an appeal. I’m not opposed to sexuality in my media, but people do tend to make it... egregious and often unbalanced. It often feels that any media that gets that R rating just goes “Fuck it, may as well!” regarding shoehorning its nudity and sexuality. And frankly, censorship laws in the United States are FUCKING ANTIQUATED AS ALL HELL, so a rape scene where the camera ogles the woman’s breasts as she’s assaulted? Yeah, sure, that’s an R. Consensual sex scene that shows no genitalia but the woman in clear arousal? That’s an NC-17 for you. And that’s just women; don’t get me started on queer censorship, we’d be here all day. So, given the country I live in, the fact that I like horror and fantasy, and the fact that I’m an asexual woman, you can maybe see where my stance on sexual themes in any adult oriented media is just, an exasperated sigh as I boredly sit through another rape scene.

So, our first scene in Castlevania S3 is of Alucard, having been alone for the last month now, slowly losing his mind to crippling loneliness and overwhelming guilt after having murdered his father where Trevor and Sypha took him at his word when he said he would be the lone guardian standing vigil over Dracula’s castle and the Belmont library. Turns out he was wrong about being fine, which we knew from last season as it ended with him alone in his room sobbing his heart out, but he’s already losing his grip here as he makes little puppets of Sypha and Trevor to carry conversation with. An eccentricity he fully acknowledges is insane.

Our next scene confirms through dialogue that Trevor and Sypha are now in a sexual relationship, even though they’re only ever shown cuddling up in bed talking about The Plot and various happenings a few episodes later. Nothing explicit is ever depicted between them.

Alucard, on the other hand, picks up a couple of strays who were the thralls of one of the vampires killed last season, specifically the evidently Japanese one named “Cho” and our two new characters............ I had to google their names, Sumi and Taka, are also Japanese. They ask him to train them to kill vampires to protect their clan. Alucard, clearly remembering what he said about “Think of all the things Dracula could have done if he’d put all this knowledge toward helping people instead of giving into his rage and destroying them,” decides to agree and help them. He is clearly trying to be the person his mother would have wanted. Aww. 

Except not aww, Taka and Sumi are two clearly traumatized and deeply flawed people from the masses which this series is, again, extremely cynical toward. They are unsubtley fixated on learning more and more powerful ways to kill vampires and Alucard is pretty chill about it because he can’t see through the 4th wall and hear the ominous music or the glances they exchange when he’s not looking. This is purely for the audience. They at one point have a discussion away from him where they try to psychoanalyze him and decide that his isolation is a self imposed punishment for killing Dracula and that this is as close as he can get to killing himself without actually doing it. THIS IS FOR THE AUDIENCE. Then they mentioned they should give him a reward for what he’s done for them.

What happens next is difficult to break down from their standpoint, as they’re not particularly well developed characters, not being Important Characters but just a duo from the masses which the show dismisses, but if you’ve caught a single frame of Alucard this season, is easy enough to explain from his perspective. They come to him at night when he can’t sleep, tell him he deserves a reward, and proceed to make sexual advances toward him, which he seems somewhat embarrassed and confused by at first before quickly becoming a participant in. Again, it is well established by this point that he desperately misses Trevor and Sypha, whom he was already jealous of the connection between last season, and is profoundly lonely. The sex, which he consents to, is clearly a proxy as it’s all he can get for now. The sex is also, unfortunately, initiated under false pretenses, and ends abruptly when the whole thing turns into a Christ allegory and they pin Alucard in the crucifix position after having betrayed him with a kiss (and then some) and demand he show them the secrets they’re certain he’s hiding from them. Alucard tries to reason with them, still insisting he knows they’re scared but that he’s been nothing but honest with them, but they’re too traumatized and broken to believe him, and so he kills them in self defense, all still right there on the bed where they were having sex. He then, reminiscent of Dracula from the series opening, stakes their bodies before the entrance to the castle as a warning to those who would come to harm him, telling the audience that he is Lisa’s son in many ways, but he is also Dracula’s, and is realizing with time and experience now that his father’s sentiment toward humanity may not have been so misplaced.

So you know. Lot to unpack there...

BUT THAT AIN’T IT, FOLKS!

There’s another, far less interesting (unbiased review here, folks) character named Hector. He’s a forgemaster which means he makes monsters which are loyal only to him. He’s no Isaac (whom I’d mentioned his backstory/characterization just kinda left a general bad taste in my mouth before but OH BABY, AM I CHANGING TUNE ON THAT ONE. Could write a whole review on Isaac but I’m gonna stay focused here) but he’s apparently here to stay, so fine. 

There was an evil femme fatale vampire last season who kinda bored me who tricked Hector into betraying Dracula and then took him captive when she got what she wanted out of him. She did not trick him with sex at least but was still “evil manipulative femme fatale” which... *yawn* In S3 she drags him back to her home country and then proceeds to talk to her own sort of war council on how to get him to make a monster army for them to use that won’t just kill them all.

The lesbian vampire war council are fuckin interesting and I love 2 of them. The other one is an actually evil seductress femme fatale who DOES manipulate him with sex. Yay. How original. Well at least there are finally enough interesting, compelling women in the story that this isn’t our token evil female vampire so it’s easy for me to shrug off and forgive. All you need to know about Hector is he played with dead animals as a kid, it freaked his parents out when he kept reviving dead things, he killed them, now he’s a dead critter loving sensitive weirdo who was willing to participate in a “humane cull” that would leave the human race in essentially livestock pens for vampires. 

So the entire time the red headed femme fatale is trying to get him to see that she’s not so bad, vampires can be civil, we don’t want what Dracula wanted, my sister didn’t trick you she appealed to your reason, blahblahblah, she’s calling him a “good boy” and leading him on, i fucking quote, “walkies” with a leash. There’s also a comment that she tended to an injured spider once. So,, y’know, she’s him, which means she’s best suited to manipulating him. And Hector even admits to being aware of what she’s doing and calls her out on it, but he’s trapped and doesn’t have much of a choice other than to go along with what she does and weirdly seems almost content at times. His weird naturalist... weirdness probably gives him some inferiority complex when it comes to vampires, I don’t know, his backstory and motive are not connected in the least and I’m frankly not interested enough in this character to give him much contemplation since it’s pretty clear there wasn’t much going into his creation. Anyway. Long story short, she eventually, with only technically lying to him about the purpose of a particular ring she wears, lures him into having sex with her and in the heat of passion has him swear loyalty to her before slipping a cursed ring on him which binds him exactly as he’d just sworn, essentially making him a slave. The sex, again, also stops here, but she makes some extremely unsettling comments later on about how he was surprisingly good at sex and she might “train him.” Which.... where to begin other than yikes, and why, and, where in the hell was a guy who played with dead animals supposed to learn to eat a bitch out like that anyway??

This is where we also, tying the themes together, learn that one of the allies Trevor and Sypha have been teaming up with was a child killer the whole time. They only learn this after he dies helping them fight the evil that had come to his town (and after the most iconic line of the season; “What the fuck is toilet paper?”) which they accomplish, but not before failing to save anyone in the village, which was consumed in an evil ritual. They’re alone again, with a distraught Sypha realizing what Trevor had tried to forget by getting caught up in her optimism, that, say it with me now;

So there is your mostly unbiased spoilery context for the scenes in question. You can make up your own mind from there if that’s something you can handle, I’m gonna go on to add a few of my own thoughts which do not represent how I believe anyone else should interpret the show, this is purely my own train of thought here.

Sex consented to under false pretenses is still rape. I don’t know that I would personally classify these as “rape scenes,” but that’s just me. The reaction of the characters afterward makes me think Hector’s comes closer than Alucard’s, but the fact that both have appropriate reactions to being sexually betrayed makes me think that’s mostly what people are talking about when they say either one was raped. Hector later falls to his knees in a panic and hopelessness as he realizes “You made me a slave, my life is over,” and Alucard just lays there on the floor where he murdered his father as he weeps silently in contemplation of his own despair. That’s... some heavy shit, and I can, again, easily see where someone with a history of abuse or assault can be completely traumatized all over again watching this. As for the leeriness/attempting to be titilating/making rape “sexy” that a lot of adult fantasy/horror does... eh? I’m asexual, none of it’s sexy to me, and I was paying attention to the visual and audio cues the entire time that were making the audience aware with their ominous music, flashing between sex and battles against evil, and watching the instigators (Taka and Sumi, and Lenore the femme fatale vampire) as the camera focused on their scheming faces. The camera in Alucard’s scene especially just seemed to want to show us how sad and lonely he is, but that was pretty well established by that point and I know a sex scene devolving into a murder scene is jarring for people.

The themes of the season were manipulation, trust, and betrayal. Hector’s story reaches a pivotal turning point the moment the ring is slipped on him. Could it have been implemented differently than through the femme fatale seduction route? Absolutely, the show hadn’t really adopted sexual themes until this season and probably could have done so without it. She’d already lied to Hector an said that the rings were symbols she and her sisters wore to unite them, she could have been lying and welcomed him to join them and gotten him to swear loyalty to them in a ceremony after spending more time getting him to trust her. It was dumb and unnecessary and probably added in there just so maybe Alucard wasn’t the sole bearer of such an experience, or maybe because they shifted his plotline to fit in with the established themes, or maybe they could only sneak a bisexual threesome past the censors if they threw in more straight sex. What can I say? The cynicism of this show is relatable.

Alucard’s was less “Yikes” for me because he was never in a position where he didn’t have emotional or physical power over Taka and Sumi, he was a mentor to them who made no sexual advances whatsoever and seemed to only want to participate in their advances because it temporarily made him feel loved and worthy only to have the rug pulled out from under him and remind him that much more painfully of how alone he is, and how right his father may have been, and how wrong he was for killing him. Could this have been done without a sex scene? Yep, it always can. I know what the writers were trying to convey and I personally don’t have an issue with it and see its effectiveness, but I fully acknowledge another hour of spitballing in the writer’s room would have avoided that. I don’t necessarily think it’s a good or bad thing that they included this, it just... is, for me. I personally think if they’re going to confirm the sexual relationship between Trevor and Sypha, though, and then show us that Alucard is clearly missing them, there’s kinda one natural conclusion to make on how Alucard’s relationship with these two was going to go. I actually think it should have been better established and more time should have been spent on his relationship with them and depicted it as romantic/sexual from an earlier stage rather than just seemingly coming out of nowhere to people who hadn’t realized, “Oh, they’re his proxies,” earlier. I personally found it more tragic than traumatizing, but I don’t have a history of sexual abuse, so that is my own biased interpretation. If someone has that experience, I would not blame them in the least for finding this unpalatable.

Other arguments I’ve seen are, why is the only bi character shown to go through this kind of trauma? I mean, Alucard is our only confirmed bi character left for now, but Isaac is heavily implied to be queer, and again. Cynical universe. And he isn’t the only character period to go through it. They’re not singling him out because he’s bi, he’s just going through a character arc and is bi. I acknowledge again it could have been handled better but I don’t necessarily think this is biphobia so much as it is... unfortunate tone deafness. Tokenism is the problem, not Alucard’s bisexuality, so here’s hoping that we get another bi or queer character soon because as of right now, it’s just rife with unfortunate implications. I had this exact issue with Isaac’s backstory/characterization last season as our lone man of color with a major role and they immediately fixed his arc this season along with introducing several new characters of color and it was honestly the highlight of the season, so... the writers have proven to me that they can learn from their mistakes and spin my suspicion into HYPE, so I’m willing to give them through season 4 to see what they do with it.

I have also seen the argument for, why are the only Japanese characters tricky and sexually manipulative? Well, because they’re human and the show is extremely cynical in its depiction of humanity, we’ve just mostly seen that with white Europeans so far. As I mentioned before, tokenism is the problem. Is it annoying to see a sexually manipulative femme fatale vampire? Yes. Can I live with it and shrug it off a helluva lot easier when we get butch warrior vampire and tactical genius vampire talking back and forth about how they plan to conquer and drink an entire nation while espousing their affection for one another? Also yes!  While we do finally get a lot more characters of color this season who are fleshed out and beautifully complex and sympathetic, I think Taka and Sumi could have been better explored, since their mistrust of Alucard makes sense but their decision to have sex with him in order to get his guard down is... really not apparent other than through speculation with 0 textual evidence to support it. I don’t think they’re sexually manipulative because they’re Japanese, I think they’re sexually manipulative because the plot calls for it and they happen to be the only Asian characters we have for now and the writers made another pretty tone deaf decision. Behind the scenes, I do wonder if they were chosen from specifically Cho’s court just so the animators had an excuse to draw her some more/get that Japanese audience invested. Orientalism is a helluva thing here in the west though, and the sexualization of east Asians is especially fucked up and I’m not gonna say this did not have catastrophically tone deaf implications. I hope we get more Asian characters with a nuanced depiction, and even though they are the only Asian characters, they are not the only sexual abusers and they are far from the only sympathetically broken but dangerous characters we see.  

This is also, I’m fairly certain, a dual-studio production, and I do know Castlevania is a Japanese video game series based on European vampire stories, and in the endless love letter between Japanese and American media, some things gets botched in the exchange. That doesn’t excuse it, and that doesn’t mean it isn’t harmful, but I also don’t think it means “Cancelvania.” But I’m Mexican-American, and Not Asian-American, or more specifically Japanese-American, so, this is purely my perspective. 

I won’t defend the choices, I certainly won’t argue with people who draw a line in the sand and say “This is unacceptable, I won’t watch this,” that’s a valid perspective to have. To me, the writers through Isaac have proven they know when and how to correct course when they need to, so I’m cautiously optimistic that this was all build up for a dynamite season 4 if/when we get it. The show is cynical, I’m cynical, but I can recognize careful writing when I see it, and to me the highlights of this unrepentantly stupid fucking show that I kinda love are gonna be worth sticking through the stuff that makes me wrinkle my nose with concern because I want to see where it goes. A time may come when that stops being the case, but for me it hasn’t reached that point yet. I completely understand if it has for anyone else though.

[definitelyyessnakedemons]

Vol. 1 of me yelling about my OCs

In this installment of me yelling about my OCs, I’ll be focusing on the ones from specific AUs in my Hellsing fics.

Angel from the Iscariot!Seras AU

Vespera from the Legacy AU

Wulf from the Malfunction AU

(I’ve made SEVERAL posts yelling about My Little Dumbasses from the Satanic Temple already so I’m not going to go over them again right now, y’all can find them tagged as “hellsing ocs” if u want to read about those fools)

See under the cut for details.

Angel is a little girl, about 7 or 8 years old, whose family was killed by vampires. She was saved by Iscariot agents and now lives at the St. Ferdinand’s orphanage. She gave her toy squirt gun to Seras “to fight monsters with”.

Vespera is Integra’s daughter, who was born when Integra was 40 years old. A spoiled brat who loves unicorns and constantly argues with her mother. Vespera’s biological father was an anonymous sperm donor (yes, Integra had this child on purpose), and once Alucard returns, 12-year-old Vespera immediately adopts him as her dad. (Her middle names are Victoria and Bernadotte, after Seras & Pip. XD)

Wulf is a dhampir, the son of Rip Van Winkle and Doc. Wulf was conceived shortly after Rip was implanted with freak chip, but before her body had fully completed the conversion from living to dead. (This being the malfunction for which the AU is named.) So he’s somewhere around 50-60 years old when the canon storyline of Hellsing takes place. His powers include superhuman strength (but not as much as a vampire), shapeshifting, and the power to stay alive by eating normal food rather than drinking blood. He grows up useless and spoiled (what would you expect, considering who his mother is, lmao), later makes friends with the Valentine brothers and (sort of) becomes an actual agent of Millennium. (yeah he is still fuckin useless and gets captured by Hellsing during the raid on Hellsing headquarters)

[rewind-to-get-it-right]

Alucard, my guy, could you try using any other weapons that aren't to shitty pistols that scream "I'm over compensating for something." Anderson, for the love of that weird dude you pray to, can you actually use a firearm? Why do you always gotta be like "oh look at me I can throw flashy chunks of cheap iron around like it's nobodies fuckin' business." And ALBERT, for the love of talos could you TRY to wear something besides the alter boy robes? Gid forbid Anderson starts getting feisty.

“I needed this kind of laugh, thank you.”

“Cheap iron huh? I see, and the best side insult you could come up with was the church scandals? You lack creativity, child.”

“Alter boy robes? These are the standard scholar garb you uncultured simple-minded, insect.”

[divinesilverlove-a]

Castlevania Characters in a Summary (OOC Post)

Simon Belmont: Red Haired Flame Man

Trevor Belmont: Scar's Twin Brother

Christopher Belmont: Father of the Year

Soleiyu Belmont: The Original Richter Belmont

Leon Belmont: Golden Puppy Dog

Richter Belmont: Soleiyu Knock-off

Julius Belmont: Cowboy Beebop

Mathias Cronqvist/Dracula: The Antichrist

Alucard: Bat Child

Maria Renard: Dove Child

Yoko Belnades: Sypha's Long Lost Twin

Soma Cruz: Holy Shit I'm Dracula

Mina Hakuba: Beloved Tomboyish Daughter

Hector: I'm Not Gay

Isaac Laforez: I'm Fuckin Gay

Death: Not a Woman Named Tessa

Shaft: Fuck Reasoning and Logic

Lisa Tepes: THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE

Elisabetha Cronqvist: Down With The Sickness

Dario Bossi: Flaming Idiot

Celia Fortner: Blonde Bitch