#although it would definitely amp the angst if they didn’t

[teecupangel]

So i had these ideas while at work. what if Altair and Ezio were aware of Desmond and they’ve been trying to get to him either going forward in time or pulling Desmond back to their’s. pulling him back would be easier and they’ve been trying but none of the ‘calls’ stick. That’s because Desmond needs to be ‘vulnerable’ in order to be pulled back. Not necessarily physically or mentally vulnerable but like his soul? Same feeling as when your in a good book or your ‘in the zone’ of a craft or sport. Desmond hasn’t been able to get that feeling in ages because *gestures at assassin/templar/isu BS*

I saw “Altaïr and Ezio trying to pull Desmond back in their time but none of the ‘calls’ stick” and thought “Well, yeah, it won’t stick. Both of you are trying to call the same number at the same time so, of course, you’ll both get a busy signal.”

But we can make this work a bit by making their ‘calls’ actually visible to Desmond alone. But he doesn’t realize it because he thinks he’s just Bleeding.

That the fact that, even for a few seconds, he could feel their touch or could hear them as if they were talking to him, only mean that his Bleeding Effect was getting more severe.

And, of course, he was the only person who could see them so everyone believes him when he says his Bleeding Effect is getting worse.

And when his soul is finally vulnerable, it is during the time when he finally accepts his fate to die for the world.

But then both Altaïr and Ezio try to pull him to their time periods and, instead, gets pulled to his because he’s in a prime state for such an event, yes, but he is also in one of the most guarded locations in any given time: the singularity of which the Isus’ calculations have been moving future and past events along for it to come to fruition.

And Desmond is too surprised by what has happened that he missed his chance, that moment of confusion meant that he was too late to activate the device.

And the world burns.

[janelley-fish]

Unspoken

Chapter 2

Story warnings: angst, very slow burn (mostly Eddie has feelings), friends to lovers, eventual smut, eventual violence and gore, language, some fluff eventually. This chapter has some dirty little Eddie thoughts. Think that’s it but overall 18+ so get outta here babies

You let out a small groan as you looked down at your sweater. It was dark, a deep maroon, but you could definitely see the small shape of the spilled root beer float seeping through. Eddie had practically whined like a baby about being hungry on the way to practice, so you had stopped at a drive in diner that was new to town. Eddie got the biggest burger on the menu, and you had told him you weren’t hungry. But knowing you had a major sweet tooth, he ordered you a small float to go. You started to argue but Eddie just stuck his tongue out at you and blew raspberries loudly so you couldn’t get a word in. You flipped him the bird, but wore a grin on your face as he dramatically clutched his heart, pretending you shot him straight in the chest. You rolled your eyes, but thanked him anyway for thinking of you. Eddie knew you would be stealing his fries, but it didn’t bother him. He liked pretending it was a big deal and complaining about it just so he could see that adorable smile light up your face at his teasing.

Because you stopped for food, you were running late, and the combination of Eddie’s rushed reckless driving and him holding a burger in one hand as he scarfed his food down resulted in him hitting a curb going much faster than he should have, and while the van was fine, you ended up wearing your drink. You couldn’t really be mad, it was an accident. But it was uncomfortable. You were sticky and you smelled like root beer. The rest of the way to Gareth’s house Eddie was snickering and trying to hide his amusement while you dabbed frantically at the mess with spare napkins, trying to salvage your sweater.

“Don’t worry about it, Dee. It’ll dry.” He waved his hand around in the air in a motion to brush off the whole incident.

“Eddie it’s not like it’s water, it’s soda and ice cream. It will not just dry.” You huffed a little as Eddie jumped out of the driver side door, still giggling to himself. He casually walked to the back doors of the van and swung them open, obviously looking for something. He tutted to himself while he searched, and you heard him mutter an enthusiastic bingo! as he pulled some sort of white balled up fabric from behind an old amp.

“Here, you can wear this.”

He tossed his hellfire shirt up to you.

“It’ll probably be a little big, but it’s dry at least” he said with a shrug. He closed the door to the back and came around to open yours for you.

“Although,” he paused as you climbed out of the passenger seat and jumped to down to the gravel. “I could get used to you smelling like a root beer float all day. It’s pretty sweet.” He flashed his teeth in a big cheesy grin before leaning into you to take a big whiff, and then signing contently. You rolled your eyes and smacked his shoulder, but still wore that adorable smile that made his heart melt.

“You’re such a weirdo. Now, can you turn around please?”

Eddie took a moment to register what you had said. Then he gulped, more loudly than he meant to. “Wha— you’re changing right here? In the driveway?” He looked at you with wide eyes and you snorted.

“Relax, it’ll take like 5 seconds. It’s not like I’m stripping naked, and no one is around. Now turn, please.”

You shoved him to face the other direction and quickly stripped off the sticky sweater and pulled his t shirt on. It was a little big, but not by much, and it was comfortable. Whether or not it was clean, you couldn’t say. But at least you didn’t smell like root beer anymore. “Okay you can turn around now.” Eddie stood for a moment that seemed much longer than it should’ve before slowly turning, his face just a tiny spec of red, and you saw your opportunity to tease him. You couldn’t help it, it was just one of your favorite things to do.

“What’s got you all flustered, pretty boy? Are you that embarrassed for me? Or is it something else, hmmm?” You winked and gave him a smirk as his face grew more red, looking towards the ground and kicking the dirt with his high top. He stood like that for a moment before he let out the breath he had been holding and met your eyes again.

“Come on, let’s go inside before the neighbors think they’re getting a free show.” He tugged your arm towards the garage door as you threw your head back in laughter.

Eddie hadn’t registered what you had said at first. Why did he need to turn around? unless… “wha—you’re gonna change right here? In the driveway?” He could feel himself growing hard at just the thought, and it was taking everything in him to calm down and keep himself from giving his feelings away. He barely heard your response, while you spun him around. He was so caught up in what you were doing; wondering if anyone was watching. If the guys could see. Fuck, that would suck. He would never get over it if his band mates saw you like that. He was lost in his thoughts. Dreaming about The color bra you were wearing, the way your skin would look in the low evening light, how it would feel under his rough fingertips-

“Okay, you can turn around now.” You words snapped him out of his thoughts; the dirty images playing in his mind of you, and again he had to stop his growing errection before he turned to face you. He had hoped you wouldn’t catch sight of the way he adjusted himself slightly, and you didn’t. But you did notice his pink-tinged cheeks.

“What’s got you all flustered, pretty boy? Are you that embarrassed for me? Or is it something else hmmm?”

Pretty boy. Fuck why did you have to say that. Your nicknames for him were few, but they always had such an affect on him. God the things that came to his mind when you called him pretty boy. Eddie felt himself getting too excited again, so he grabbed your arm and pulled you along behind him, hoping that by the time you both made it inside that the bulge in his pants would be gone and he would have calmed down enough to stop growing hard at every little impure thought of you like some fifteen year old boy.

“Come on, let’s go before the neighbors think they’re getting a free show.” Eddie heard you laugh, really laugh, and it was his favorite thing in the universe. The kind of laugh that could make other people smile. Eddie loved that laugh; he loved more than that laugh. But he could never tell you, for the same reason you didn’t want anyone reading your journal. Fear of rejection; of losing the people who mean so much to you because of the possibility of them laughing in your face. So Eddie decided it was better to long for you in secret, no matter how much it hurt, instead of risk losing you completely.

If only he knew that all you needed was him to say the word, and you’d be his. Even if you didn’t know it yet either.

End of chapter 2

(I promise they’ll get longer. Thanks for reading 💕)

[hinaaspanda]

Vocalized Feelings

Paring: Garage band leader! Donghyuck x Retired choir member! reader

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Word count: 8012 

It was Saturday again, the clashes of symbols and guitar strings wrapped up in a melodic harmony ringing into your ears as you woke up. It was Saturday again, and that Donghyuck kid hadn’t left your mind for a week.

happy bday @aquinoa​ !!!

You didn’t need a calendar to figure out that today was a Saturday, nor did you need a clock to tell you that the time was early noon. All you needed was the noise of drumsticks bashing onto its respective kit, the most definitely unneeded feedback of guitar amps, and a terrible late-morning attitude. And that’s the exact reason why you loudly let out a stifled grumble as you flipped off the covers that once encased your legs, and immediately stomped down to your garage. 

Entering the cold, barren, unfinished walls of your garage, you scan onto the exact sight you expected to see.  6 figures scattered all over the place. Three plopped onto the couch, Mark and Jeno tuning their various guitars and basses, as your little brother, Jisung, watches them with full intent swelling from his eyes. You glance to the left, meeting the eyes of an overly excited Chenle, waving both his hands as he screams your name and an apologetic Jaemin, clutching onto his drum symbol, indicating that he’s genuinely sorry for all the volume. You didn’t however, know if the drummer was referring to the band as a whole, or the pianist beside him. 

Your eyes scan further as you finally link them with the vocalist of this garage band, Donghyuck, an irked expression painting across his face. You watch his eyes roll to the top of his head, utter disgust oozing out of him the second you trot down the few sets of steps, heading over to sit with your brother and his bandmates. Although, you never saw his purely bothered face, since you’ve learned to just ignore him. 

The fact that he hated you was always head-scratcher for both you and the rest of his band. His little mutter of anger towards you, the grumbles of annoyance whenever you walk into a room, it never made sense to you. It’s not like he was jealous of you, he couldn’t have been. Sure you were part of the city’s greatest youth choir, a choir that, to your dismay, was terminated just last year--but it shouldn’t affect him, he’s the face of his own band after all.  

Or maybe that’s why he always looked at you with the cold eyes of someone who wanted to slit your throat. The fact that he had a team of his own, a backbone to lean onto, complete with their own published singles and high chances at stardom. Maybe he wanted to taunt you with it, laugh in your face with the members of his band. Pin you down, the words “look at me now” spat onto your embarrassing figure. Maybe he wanted to prove his worth, or he’s already concluded that you weren’t worthy enough for him.

While your mind wandered off into overthinking land, a certain, turmoil filled body, sauntered over to the very couch you sat on, shadowing you from the lonely light bulb that shined all its might around the inner walls of your crowded garage.

 “Well, well, well, the infamous Park Y/N finally awoke from her terribly long slumber.” Donghyuck held a hand to his hip, judging you for the sleep clothes you didn’t bother to change out of. “Now tell me, why did the gremlin run out of her little cave to come here? We’ve got work to do here, you know” The passive-aggressive vocalist crosses his arms, earning miffed groans from the boys and a stellar eye roll from you. 

“Piss off, Hyuck, Y/N’s my sister, stop insulting her like that or you guys won’t have anywhere to practice,”  Jisung spoke up, a section of your heartwarming just a tiny bit at your little brother’s defensive words. As you shot a gracious smile at your only family in the room, a stifled chuckle escaped from your left.

“And we wouldn't wanna switch practice places, now would we?” Mark challenged, Donghyuck immediately growing mute as his elder shot him a knowing, sly smirk. You overlooked it, however, as you shot up, faces just inches away from his.

“You’re right, Donghyuck, you do have work to do!” you jabbed at his chest with a single finger “You need to learn how to stop being such a nuisance to everyone you meet!” 

Taking a step back, Donghyuck sent you a sinister grin. “I’m sorry sweetie, but ‘Donghyuck’ is only reserved for close family and friends, so it’s ‘Haechan’ to you.” 

“I’d rather die than ever be close with you”

“Go for it, baby. No one would miss you” 

“Neither of you ever know when to quit it, huh” The spare door right from the garage bounced open, and a furious, brunette boy emerged from the once empty door frame. “Both of you, seriously, shut up sometime? I got good news for us and I don’t want this embarrassing conversation ruining it” 

“Renjun!” Chenle beams with joy as the exhausted figure hustles forward, a laptop in hand, before squeezing into the couch, in between you and your brother. You and Donghyuck mutter under your breaths as you retire to your former spots within the garage floor while Renjun, sensing your discrete actions, grumbles in defeat as he whips open his laptop.

“I got in contact with this studio, SM, they said they like your guy’s stuff” Renjun continued, not sparing anyone glances as they jolted in a positive surprise. “You guys might even get a single”

As the members with instruments encased in their hands jump in pure joy, Renjun quickly turns his attention to you. “...But you guys need a girl to sing with you, that's their one condition” 

As if on cue, everyone’s (minus Donghyuck) heads whips to your overtly shaken figure, hands tucking in between your legs, and sweat beginning to pool from the top of your forehead, pupils shivering in fear, you barely even dared to continue Renjun’s sentence.  

“...You’re not really saying that--”

“Please sing with Hyuck, Y/N!” Chenle, definitely the most spontaneous one in the group, rushed to kneel in front of you, has clasped together in a praying formation. “Your voice is amazing!”

Your heart couldn’t help but feel a little light once the orange-haired boy uttered those words, the same way Donghyuck couldn’t help but scoff in disbelief. And your heart couldn’t help shatter once you uttered your following reply. 

“No”

…  

 Despite evading the room the minute every band member chased you around with pleading eyes, you couldn’t help but be filled to the brim with guilt, strings of your disgrace spilling out and binding you to the pavement as you sulking continue your way towards the bank’s clear glass doors. It was Saturday, and by definition, errand day. A day you truly dreaded for its repetitive manor, complexity, and most definitely the mundaneness of it all. Lifelessly stopping at the counter of the bank, just to visit the supermarket moments after. It was a necessity, of course. But there was never an errand day that you didn’t greet with a wholehearted scowl every morning. 

Errand day, something you knew would happen, much to your dismay. And everything would’ve stayed the same, if it weren’t for the overly confident, egoistic, and prideful figure with the voice of an angel, panting in exhaustion as he tugs harshly onto your jacket sleeve. And if you were being completely honest, a sparkle of joy pooped through you after seeing this main vocalist dishevelled.

“Park--wait up--fuck” Donghyuck spat through, hands gripping his thighs in a failed attempt to straighten his figure. Rouch exhales escaping his lungs when he finally succeeded in fixing his posture. Your eyebrows knit together as he neglected to drop your wrist out of his grasp. If any stranger were to mistakenly glance at the two of you right that second, it would look like the climax of those Korean romance dramas your mother loved so much. You didn’t give him a slim chance to continue his probably useless tangent as you tilt your head to the side in annoyance. 

“If you came all the way here just to throw another insult at me, then you can save it!” You snap. Swatting your hand away from his surprisingly strong clutch. A clutch even he seemed to forget he held so tightly. “I don’t wanna hear it.” 

“Park, just listen to me”

“I’m busy, Donghyuck”

The now angry idol-wannabe huffed a loud sigh, as he forced a hand between you and the glass doors, loudly calling out to your freedom. The freedom you couldn’t grasp at, not with the peculiarly toned forearm clasped onto the door handle, rendering you unable to move. You swear, you saw this exact scene plastered onto the t.v. just last week. 

 “Sing with me, Y/N” 

Was he kidding?

The vocalist stared at you with full intent and the most earnestness you’ve ever seen in someone, as he fully rejected the staring strangers from inside the bank, the bank you wanted nothing more than to be inside right now. “For the single, sing with me” 

 He sounded so forced, yet so nonchalant, it almost sounded attractive, if it weren’t for the literal flare burning through his pupils. You simply crossed your arms, the bank audience swiftly minding their own business, not wanting to witness what they thought was a couple seconds before a break-up. 

“They got you on this, too, huh? How much did they pay you to say that?” Donghyuck quickly retorted, shooting you a stare that only said “I’m serious, Y/N” straight to your face. 

“Well, whatever” you continued, eyes stuck to the gravel before you. “Why chose me, anyway?”

“Um” eyes traveling to the sky, praying they wouldn't come in contact with yours. “Well..”    

All 7 boys, scattered across the garage floor, winced as you slammed the secluded door shut, not baring to watch you dash away in utter fear. Every band member let out their share of aggravated sighs and grumbles, a worried Chenle fast pacing around the pattern carpet that laid below them. All while Renjun, and an equally worried Jisung massage their temples in an effort to calm down their nerves. 

“I’M SORRY GUYS I WAS THE REASON SHE LEFT I SCARED HER OFF AND I--” a panicked pianist was shaken in the hands of the band’s drummer as he set him down, placing Chenle on the couch, snuggled in between the their guitarist and bassist. 

“You didn’t scare her off, Chenle, she’s just a wuss” Donghyuck tapped his foot in a comical effort to look as equally annoyed as the other members. Yet deep down, both he, and the rest of the boys behind him, knew he hated watching her leave for another, unsuspecting reason. 

“You can drop the act, Hyuck, she's gone.” Renjun clicked away at his laptop keys. “Stop pretending you hate her already, you suck at acting”. A giggling Jisung loosens up on the couch, legs crossed in a comfortable t-formation as he turns to Donghyuck. 

“Yeah, Hyuck, just tell her you like her, already. My sister could really use a boyfriend” Jisung was more than lucky that Donghyuck dropped that heavy mic cord to the ground just moments prior, or else he would’ve gotten a concussion right that instant. 

“Shut it, Jisung” He snapped, concealing the true fact that he was nothing but ecstatic to hear the news. 

Donghyuck didn’t know what led him to practically spit on your face the minute he first met you, despite his automatic admiration for your voice, a voice that felt like honey to his ears. He never knew why he acted so cocky, so immature around your presence. Was it because you were part of the city’s most esteemed youth choir of its decade? Was it your bubbling, harmless personality that he always felt the need to brutally tarnish.  He could never tell. But when your soft voice was replaced with harsh insults made to rebuttal his, the vocalist’s heart couldn’t help but snap in half.    

“OH, I KNOW! Chenle jumped up from his sulking position on the couch, gaining the attention of the two guitarists beside, along with a inner-monologuing Donghyuck. “Let’s get Hyuck to ask her!” 

Heads whipped towards the orange-haired boy’s idea as he continued his radical idea. “Think about it, Hyuck was the only one who didn’t ask her yet, and if she knows that the whole group wants her in then she might say yes!” Various members of this esteemed ‘neighborhood garage band’ began to nod their heads in agreement. Everyone except Donghyuck, of course. 

“And…” Jeno wiggled his eyebrows, cocking them at the now flustered face of the band. “Hyuck can spend some more time with Y/N”

Donghyuck already knew that this was their ulterior motive all along, but hearing it out loud just threw pity at his heart. But his own friends didn’t even give him a chance to argue, as he felt the palms of Mark and Renjun force him out of the same door you escaped from. Yet he couldn’t feel his feet change directions, because deep down inside, Jeno was right. He did wanna spend more time with you. God he was such an idiot. 

Of course, Donghyuck couldn’t tell her all that. Sure, he was an idiot, but he wasn’t stupid, he knew that much. That was why his reply to your question was, nothing close to stellar. 

“Your voice is...ok, alright? And you’re like the only girl we know around here so… just take it ok? And take the compliment, too, it's the only time you'll ever get one of those” his words wandered off as you let out a sigh, the corner of your eye telling you that, judging by the whole new set of customers lined up at the bank counter, you’re kdrama-esk stay in front of the glass doors lasted longers than you had desired. Looking up, locking your eyes with his, you sigh once more. 

“Fine, just so you can shut up.”

...

You swear, you were just one tier behind a professional singer, but all this singing equipment and technology trapped in a room equally confusing, all of it made you nothing but a nervous wreck. It didn’t even matter that you’ve  already stayed in that room for 4 hours straight, everything still sent strong shivers up your spine. 

Donghyuck, on the other hand, looked unsurprisingly calm, of course. He's gone through this exact same process countless times before. Singing your heart out, just to let it get tweaked, tuned, shuffled in a different state, never enjoyed a voice in it’s originality. You never really understood it, hence why loitered in the corner of the glass room, shaking like a wet mammal emerging from the cold water. 

You were just baffled that Donghyuck hasn’t said anything to you about it, anything at all, actually. The 8 of you drove to the rented recording room with a pair of cars earlier that morning, the heavy instruments hauling together in one vehicle, while your 7 figures squeezed into another. You already knit your eyebrows at the mere fact that Donghyuck took his cramped seat right next to yours, no one taking a grain of notice. Who would know just how weird it would get the minute your shoe’s clicked against the driveway pavement. 

4 Hours in, with Jisung sound asleep on your lap, other members sprawled across the couch provided, and an unusually calm Donghyuck uttered out his last lines in that milky voice of his. You’ve already taken your turn, only remembering how easily distracted you got by Donghyuck and the admiration glittering in his eyes. Eyes that strongly contradicted the tone of his voice just moments prior. 

You find your eyes glued to the vocalist trapped in the glass room that always stumped you, the vocalist that, starting today, would confuse you more than any recording room could. His composed pupils linking with your skittish ones. You thought back to the car ride, his breath hitched as he planted his vision on the trees and buildings passing by. How he barely spared you a glance, let alone a cheap insult. Was he finally done through with it? Has he finally grown past the phase of finding simple fat jokes funny? Your mind wandered, and you wish you wandered a little bit more so you wouldn’t have noticed the pink tint creeping onto his cheeks as he closed the door to the recording room, his eyes still planted onto yours. 

“Thank you very much, sir.” Renjun shook the hand of the man behind the recording stand, other members of the band following his lead as you shook Jisung awake. But everything you touched, you did so halfheartedly, as the thought of a certain prideful vocalist couldn’t escape your mind. 

Huh, that was weird.

...

It was Saturday again, the clashes of symbols and guitar strings wrapped up in a melodic harmony ringing into your ears as you woke up. It was Saturday again, and that Donghyuck kid hadn’t left your mind for a week. Too many questions passed through your mind, you didn’t have the motivation to scream for joy the moment Renjun burst through the door, showing the band the email. An email that was practically lined in gold for the other viewers, and email giving them directions to a small coffee shop across town, and approval for an upcoming gig. 

“Let’s celebrate!” Mark howled, earning other loud screams from their designated dolphin boy as the 6 of you immediately grabbed your coats and headed to the nearest building that served purely mediocre fast-food. 

“Save some for us!” Jisung, chanted through the garage door, both him and Chenle dreading the table behind them that overflowed with unfinished highschool homework and completely finished bags of chips. 

6 milkshakes and 6 stuffed stomachs later, the garage band sat around you, giggling at what you thought was the email you ate out for, as you shuffled away to the washroom. But as Donghyuck would put it, “You’re always wrong, Y/N!”. 

“What am I gonna do?” Donghyuck gripped the strands of hair residing at his front scalp. “I almost blew my cover back in the recording room!”

As if on cue, Donghyuck’s seemingly useless remark earned a groan from the rest of the band mates, and especially the band manager, digging his fingertips onto his temples, giving him the much overdue head massage he needed due to Hyuck’s stupidity.  

“You could, I dunno, tell her the truth?” Jaemin sipped from his remaining milkshake, receiving that infamous empty- straw crinkling sound just seconds later. “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea, right Jeno?” The bassist only nodded silently, earning a pleading groan from the vocalist in question. 

“Hey man, we’re already helping you and everything, poor Sungie’s gotta deal with our bullshit in his house every week just so you could get a chance with her. We don’t have any other reason to practice there, you know.” Mark stirred the striped straw. “Even Renjun, Y/N”s bestfriend in highschool, mind you, became the manager to our dumb garage band just to help your odds” 

Donghyuck stared into the popping bubbles of his pink milkshake, his guilt mirroring the bubble’s movements. He knew about Jisung, your little brother, but he never even thought about Renjun. All his friends, trying harder than he was, all to not get cock-blocked. God, how stupid was he. 

Apparently, he was stupid enough to forget you even left the table for a bathroom visit, as he almost spat out the last of his milkshake as he watched you emerged from the dim-lit room. Earning giggles from the other boys.

...

You missed singing, you really did. The memories you cherished singing alongside the 30 vocalists, awaiting the audience’s standing ovation, you craved for more than anything.  Sure, it sounded a little too self loving for your liking, but anyone could agree that you guys deserved. That’s why, when the Harmonics Youth Choir finally shut down due to an untimely accident, it surely left a broad hole in your heart.

Especially now, right after feeling the thrill once again at the recording room, the sensation of letting out notes and melodies gripping onto your heart, never letting go as you sent in the application email. This wasn’t all your idea, though. This scheme was given to you in a fully wrapped package of taunting and disbelief of your true abilities, and handed to you by no one else but the egotistical vocalist, Donghyuck. 

“I heard there was an opening for this new choir downtown” Donghyuck clicked away at his laptop as he took his break at their weekly practice. The phrase ‘new choir’ caught your attention faster than a fly to the scent of rotten food. You shuffled towards him, reluctant and half expecting for him to revolt at your presence. But you truly didn’t care when the chance to shine under the spotlight of a stage was upon you once again, and you would rather die than miss the chance to grasp it. 

“They look pretty serious, though” Donghyuck scrolled through the choir’s website nonchalantly, angling the screen so you could get a better view. “I don’t think you’d fit in at all” You knew he was kidding, partially at least. Nevertheless, an arrow of hurt shot through your chest as you stood up, spine straightening with the smallest ounce of pride left in you. 

“Are you even hearing yourself, Donghyuck?” You jabbed your own chest, concealing your genuine hurt. “I was a member of Harmonics, I’d fit right in!” 

“Uh huh, yeah, what happened to your esteemed choir, again?” he didn’t even spare you a glance as he exited out of the choir’s website Opening another window filled with gruesome battles and skimpy female armour, he proceeded to ignore your defensive figure, keeping all his attention on that dumb video game. You, however, couldn’t care where his attention was facing, as you had a point to make, and an argument to win. 

“You’ll see, Donghyuck, I’ll make that choir, and you’ll be the first to see it. In fact, you should watch the audition, then you’ll see how great I am!” 

Donghyuck couldn’t help but recite the words ‘you’re already the best’ over and over again in his head. He didn’t have any other choice, really. He couldn’t say it out loud, of course, he was too prideful for that. Or maybe too much of a coward. He couldn’t tell. 

“Whatever, I’ll watch just to prove you wrong, Park” Of course he couldn’t say no. He truly was a coward. 

You didn’t even notice the proud, stunned expressions that coated the rest of the band member’s faces as you trotted upstairs, ready to write another, responsive email to a certain choir company.

...

A tired, fatigued Donghyuck rang your doorbell two days after your last interaction. Despite his reluctant character during then, he still, to your surprise, offered to give you a ride, knowing full well of your father’s disappearance to another city in the name of his job. After an awkward, silent, 30 minute hell of a car ride, the two of you threw his car doors shut, and entered the grand church building. 

You stood in the middle of the rented church stage, various chandeliers and crystals covering your view, as you faced the three judges of this audition. The three obstacles left in your road to stardom, and the three obstacles blocking you from your chance to prove yourself right. 

“Miss Park Y/N, Auditioning for the part of Alto” The somber toned middle seated judge read straight off of the application sheet, before barely glancing up at you.  “You may start whenever you’re ready.” You closed your eyes, softly beginning to hum the words of Donghyuck’s single. It only made sense to choose what you chose, it was the song that gave your heart the inspiration to impulsively act on it’s dreams. 

Donghyuck’s world stopped as he sat in his lonesome three rows before the judges, the single frame of you singing staying frozen in his mind. Your voice felt like honey trickling into his ears, as he sat in awe, not bothering to keep that fake scoffing expression on his face. He felt weak to the knees. Your voice, your appeal, everything, it all made him almost want to drop the act and tell you the truth. 

But you could only handle one earth shattering truth at a time, right? 

The middle judge raised her hand up, signally a stop just after a couple of lyrics spilled out of your lips. The two judges coupling her sides all kept their cold expressions as you trembled in fear. You anticipated their impending responses, although, deep down, you already knew exactly what they were going to say. 

“That’s enough, Miss Park”

“Wait, I can--”

“That won’t be necessary. Now, can you please step off the stage? The next contestant is waiting” The left judge uttered effortlessly, not sparing a glance at you as you stalked backstage. Donghyuck roughly followed you, jolting the plastic table the three judges hid behind, before shooting those judges a very irritated glare.  

“Please assure your girlfriend to not take this personally, it was a tough decision” 

“Bullshit, you didn’t even listen to the full thing” Donghyuck spat, earning the wide eyes of the three judges who sat below him. He didn’t even care what their response was as he spurt towards the doors, the doors you had already burst out of with pure rage. 

Donghyuck cursed at himself for feeling just the slightest bit giddy at the judges assuming those two were closer than friends. He scanned you through the car window, a flame burning in your eyes. You two clearly need to reach the level of “friends” first. 

The rest of the drive was silent, or at least restrained, as your huffs and puffs of anger could be heard from Donghyuck’s side of the vehicle easily. You would rather die than look at him right then. You were surprised that he hasn’t laughed right at your face yet. But whether he hurls another one of those prideful scoffs at your direction or not, one fact still remains, he was right. You’ve stayed out of touch with the whole concept of singing, that the only thing keeping you sane were the lyrics of a single written by the vocalist with a grudge against you. How pitiful were you? 

And to think, you truly began to believe that this demon, this evildoer, began to have feelings for you through a simple set of flushed cheeks. All those times he stained your mind, none of that mattered. All Donghyuck wanted was for you to fall to the ground, pride and ego brutally shattered. That was why he brought that stuck up, cold-shouldered choir. Just to watch you get rejected.  And it worked. You were bruised, broken forever,and it was all thanks to him. 

“I hope you’re happy Donghyuck. You were right” You murmured just loud enough for his ears to perk. You couldn’t see his expression, but you were sure he was a smirking, evil mess. 

Donghyuck watched you swiftly pass him, his sulking eyes defying your assumption once again. 

...

The neighborhood garage band’s practice room fell into a tense silence as  you slammed the garage door shut, stomping up to your room. Everyone’s eyes, despite already becoming aware of the situation, still mirrored the ones of innocent puppies ready to be adopted. Except for Hyuck’s, of course. His overflowed with guilt, burning up with an anger that could only be pointed towards himself. Donghyuck fell into the cushions that decorated the couch, earning pats and shoulder rubs that were laced with empathy, empathy that he couldn’t reciprocate. His palms ruffled the strands of his hair, gripping onto them in stress as Renjun scooted towards him. 

“Don’t blame yourself, Hyuck, she just really missed singing” Renjun angled himself to face the remorse-filled vocalist. “Anyone would, with that choir” 

Donghyuck let out a heartfelt whine, his back-scalp collapsing onto the couch backframe. “I got her all excited about singing again, I couldn’t help it. I kinda got excited for her, too. How was I supposed to know they’d be so picky with their contestants!” Hyuck rose to his feet, bewilderment rising through his veins. “Their rejection’s all bullshit, anyways! Her voice is amazing!” 

“Then tell her” Jisung twiddled his fingers, not even sparing the distressed vocalist a glance “Tell her that her voice is amazing, tell her all the compliments you want to”  

“You know I can’t do that, Sungie” 

“Why?” A certain flame echoed in his booming voice, starling the already traumatized older band members. “Is it ‘cause you're a coward? It sounds like it! How else do you think it was gonna turn out? Pretending to hate the person you’ve loved since highschool, of course she’s gonna hate you back! Now you better clean this shit up, and I don’t just mean this dumb audition. My sister’s amazing, ok? And she doesn’t fucking deserve this.” 

Jisung, with a fury of his own, stalked into his own home and away from the band members that resided in his garage. Mark, the band’s leader, took it upon himself to call for the two Park siblings that escaped his grasp, praying they would come back, but it was no use. Donghyuck truly felt like an idiot, and a coward. 

Your pillowcase felt damp as you lightly pressed your cheek against your newly shed tears. Everything seemed...useless now. Your sulking figure couldn't lift itself from the cozyness of your plump mattress, string of sorrow binding your limbs tightly against the bed’s fabric. You laid still, your world turning to stone as you tuned in to the quiet chirps perched onto the roof just below your window. The tiny squawks sent you into a calm abyss, one that you haven’t visited in a while. With all this song recording and impulsive acting, everything grew hectic, never giving you a chance to breathe. 

You didn’t know how your consciousness was able to do it, but Donghyuck still stayed trapped in your mind the whole time. 

You were definitely brimming with anger when you thought of him, but the thought of his smile, even if you only saw it after one of his smug insults, still stained your mind. And you hated it. And that was why your expression was nothing less than relieved when it was just your little brother who peeped through the small crack your door created after his knuckles clicked against it in a soft knock.

A soft smile wiped across his face, his eyes painted with a calm appeal, as he shuffled into your room, friction from the carpet swiping against his cotton socks. With a tilt of his your little brother simply suggested. 

“Milkshakes?”

...

“I don’t care, Jisung, I’m not gonna sing with them at the concert” Your eyes watched the various cars pass by in a blur, trying desperately to avoid contacting the pleading pupils of your brother. You trusted him, the blade of betrayal impaling your heart. You whole-heartedly believed that Jisung invited you to this milkshake bar to free your mind, get rid of all the thoughts about those 6 boys that roamed freely within the inner workings of your garage. Instead, he simply induced your brain with more thoughts of him, luring you in with the taste of a strawberry milkshake. 

“C’mon Y/N, It’s gonna be a small gig, the venue maxes out at 50 people.” Jisung gave his weight to the surface of the fast food table, gripping his ice cold glass with his fingers that were dipped in anticipation. You sunk into the lush, red 

seats, finally sparing your brother a glance. 

“What are you gonna gain from this, anyways, it’s not like you're in the band anymore, anyways.” 

Shit. You followed Jisung’s hairbangs as they dropped before his eyes, most likely concealing his growing hurt for the words that effortlessly flowed through your careless mouth. Why would you say something that stupid, when you knew full well of the complicated truth. The truth of your brother's resignation of the band due to a harsh wrist injury. All Jisung wanted was the satisfaction of growing old and succeeding with his garage band, but when the rookie drummer finally grew fixed of his wrist damage, the first thing he saw was his supposed drum-kit, standing before the new addition to the band, Jaemin. Although the old and new drummers came to converse on friendly terms, you knew your brother more than anyone else, and you knew he would never get over his replacement so quickly. 

“It’s fine, Y/N, it’s not ‘cause of that” He vigorously waved his two hands in an effort to change the subject. “We just wanna hear your voice again, that’s all” His calm voice sent you away from your current state of overthinking, as you took another sip of your pink tinted milkshake. Although his choice of words led you to ponder a little more. 

“We?”

“Yeah! Hyuck especially. Mans literally gets weak to the knees when he hears your voice. He loves it so much, you don’t even know, Y/N. But not as much as he loves you lmao--wait-” 

The straw fell limp from Jisungs lips, the whites of his eyes spilling out of their sockets as he finally pondered just how much he messed up. It’s funny actually, how quick he caught his mistake AFTER he made it. 

You swear, you could’ve exploded right then and there. 

“Hyuck--he--what?” A sentence couldn’t even form in between your quivering lips. “You’re kidding right? Sungie? Please tell me this is a joke” 

Jisung could feel the ember of his existence about to extinguish as you used that Nickname on him. A nickname that only escaped your mouth when you were either terribly angry or terribly drunk. Jisung swiftly closed his eyes, praying that there was at least an ounce of alcohol in that milkshake of yours, you were a lightweight afterall.

“I--er--no” Jisung’s head downcasted, attempting to hide from your incoming wrath. “Donghyuck likes you, a lot actually”

If it weren’t for the fact that he was your brother, you would’ve spat on his face with the remaining milkshake in your mouth, unable to be swallowed as you sat in pure shock.  

“How long?”

“...Since highschool, actually” 

The glass mug encased between your fingers shivered in fear. After all this time, all the taunting, all the times he scoffed at your mere existence, that was all from…affection? It was all an act towards grabbing your attention? He didn’t actually despise you? And on top of that, he loves your voice, the voice he only labelled as “ok” in the past? What was with him, couldn’t he had just said something, instead of saying the complete opposite of his feelings? 

But apparently, you found that attractive, and everything else clicked. A lightbulb finally glowed a bright amber as you connected the dots. You finally figured out why this prideful vocalist couldn’t escape your thoughts all this time. 

As your little brother, shaking in fear by your--apparently menacing-- presence, continues his tangent on how letting them stay at their garage even after his untimely injury was just a ruse to get the two of you together, you shoot up from your seat. 

“Oh my god, Jisung, I think I like him back”

“Excuse me, what” 

A sense of urgency shot down your spine. “Change of plans, I’m gonna sing with them.” 

“WAIT” 

“THANKS FOR THE MILKSHAKES, JISUNG, I GOTTA GO TAKE CARE OF SOMETHING” your voice violently hurled through the glass doors of the milkshake place as you ran past them, alerting the commoners that innocently roamed around. 

...

“It looks so full” a stifled Chenle murmured towards the band manager as he gripped onto the stage curtains. “God, ok, is it hot in here or just me?” 

“It’s fine, Chenle, everyone else is nervous too” A calming Renjun sent a soft hand onto the cusp of the pianist’s shoulder. The rest of the band loitered around the cramped stage rear, the echoes of various audience chatter ringing in everyone’s ears as they shiver in anticipation. Well, everyone except a certain sulking vocalist perched rather uncomfortably on the wooden make-up chair. 

  Donghyuck’s heart felt numb to everything else but the brutal beatings of guilt. The issue only arose just hours prior, of course the regret still lingered, staining his once proud, upright soul. Jisung was right, he always had been. He should’ve let go of this stupid act when he got the chance. He should’ve taken your hand in his, letting a soft kiss from his lips fall onto your dazed face after nervously stammering sweet nothings to you. He should’ve sprinkled you with compliments every chance he got, showed his pure excitement when you do something as simple as enter the room, or even chant your name half as animated as his pianist always did. The thought of your name trickled into his head. The name that he refused to refer to you as, always going for the rough tone of “Park” instead. All in the name of that dumb ruse, truly used to prank his heart. 

“Y/N” He let out a soft murmur under his breath. It felt sweet against his lips. “Y/N.” He scoffed at himself. Maybe it was a good thing you decided not to sing with him, you wouldn’t get to see how pathetic he’s become.

“Y/N?” Renjun’s yelp at your disheveled figure standing at the door, drove Donghyuck straight to reality. His head whipped in response, the wooden chair collapsing under the sheer weight of Hyuck’s speechlessness as his sitting figure fell straight to the ground. Renjun stammered out another shaken response. “What are you doing here?” 

“Sorry Junnie, I’ve changed my mind. Can I still sing with you guys tonight?” You could practically see the heavenly wings raising his once lifeless body as the rest of the band members produced luminescence from their beaming smiles. A riled up Renjun scrambles towards your feet, slamming a hand to your shoulder. “OF COURSE YOU CAN Y/N NOW GET OVER HERE WHAT THE FUCK.” After being vigorously yanked into the dressing room by your highschool best friend, you migrate over to the still-faced, wide-eyed vocalist laying frozen against the tile floor. 

“Donghyuck I need to--” 

“Curtains up at 5, get into your positions” A man donning a large black headphone set, gripping a brown noteboard in his hands yells in a robotonus tone before shooting a deadpan look at you. “You there, are you with the band?”

“Uh, yes?”

“Then get into position! Can someone get this girl a mic?” he croaked into his headset’s mic, with a mic falling into your hands just moments later. 

Amidst all this chaos, with Renjun pacing back and forth, Mark and Jeno simultaneously tuning their guitars,  Jaemin dropping his drumsticks onto the ground, and Chenle loudly greeting a sweaty and panting Jisung resting against the doorframe. You tilt your head, never noticing how your brother followed you over here after you burst through those doors at the milkshake place. Before you could greet him, however, a tight grip landed straight onto your forearm.  

“Y/N, wait--” before Donghyuck could even grab your attention. The lights on the other side of those maroon curtains finally dimmed.

“We’re on in 10 seconds” a robotic voice bombed through the band's now trembling figures. They stood before the closed set of curtains, anticipation riling through them. 

“Now, please give a warm welcome to the neighborhood garage band; NCT DREAM!!”

The curtains fell into each other smoothly as what seemed to be a million faces staring back at them. A blinding spotlight shined onto the 6 figures ready in their positions. Spilling a lifetime’s worth of confused feelings would have to wait for now. 

...

“You guys were amazing!” Renjun and Jisung practically said in unison as they watched the stage performers saunter backstage, Jeno pushing the maroon curtains back as your 6 figures retired back into the coffee house’s dressing room. Sweat dripping down your foreheads as you panted away the shockwaves that traveled through your bodies through the duration of that evening concert. As everyone else let down their instruments and settled down in various places of the cramped prep room, a certain vocalist began to stalk in your direction.

You studied Donghyuck’s image. His eyes glowed with determination, the disgust and repulsion that stained his expressions, and that were apparently all fake, weren’t found beneath the whites of his eyes, unlike before.  They looked blank, like he was simply being pulled to you by sheer force. Like you were a captivating magnet, and he was just a mere, insignificant paper clip, ready at your disposal. 

Donghyuck, on the other hand, wasn’t just a blank minded zombie lusting for its next meal. Something awoke in him, like a switch hidden behind cobwebs everyone reluctant to switch it on. Exhilaration zooming through his veins, nothing else mattered to him. Nothing else except your cute face trapped snuggly in his two, sweat filled, shaking palms. 

The vocalist did think about at least consoling you about the question you had for him before what could only be considered as their best concert, like, ever, but your innocent, curious face had him melting to his feet. His composure flew away the minute you stared back at him, eyes glossy and cheeks as rosy. Sure, he was an idiot, but he was an impulsive idiot, and right now, that helped his odds more than anything. 

Roughly, due to the immense amount of feelings bottled up in  the weakest material you can think of, Donghyuck cupped the sides of your face, smushing your lips together in an ecstatic kiss. Gripping onto each other like your lives depended on never letting go--although, at the time, it felt like exactly that--you pulled him closer, chests against one another as you tugged on his loose shirt collar.

 As Hyuck’s stomach began performing flips just below the fabric of his shirt, and as your knees grew weaker, the two of you slowly detached, earning the gasps and full on screams from their fellow bandmates, the bandmates that they simultaneously forgot existed, and the bandmates who estatically witnessed a very much anticipated kiss. The two of you, too scared to look down at the couch, set at the perfect angle to watch your most recent romantic endeavour, finally glanced down at the wide eyed spectators, all at the edge of their seat waiting to see what will happen next. 

“What are you guys waiting for?? CONFESS” The finally stress-free manager jumped up to his feet, a demanding index finger pointed at your flustered figures. The giddy pianist followed Renjun, his whole arm shot out in front of you. “OR BETTER YET??? KISS AGAI--” Chenle’s words were quickly disrupted by the swiftness of Jaemin’s hand as he nodded silently, giving you a signal to talk again. 

Donghyuck found his breath hitched as you turned to face you. He put all of his effort into kissing you, so he kinda forgot about what to do after. But after observing your calm, not wanting to beat him up, soft expression that glowed onto your face, alongside those pink tainted cheeks, he figured out that, well, you already kinda knew. 

“...heh, hey?” Donghyuck picked onto the skin on his wrists, waiting for them to grow red from the pain. Cringing from the awkward tone of his voice, you spoke up.

“I know, Hyuck” 

“Wait what”

You shot him a slightly aggravated glare at his ignorance. Did he not just experience that same kiss you did?

“You’re just that bad at acting, Hyuck” Jisung croaked behind this highschool drama confession. Donghyuck most definitely would’ve given your little brother the greatest jab straight to the head, if it weren’t for your angelic smile presented before him. 

“I like you too, Donghyuck. Unless, I’m not close enough to call you that” Donghyuck chuckles to himself, remembering that very interaction back at your garage just weeks prior. Swiftly, his hands drop to your waist, his eyes locked with yours as he pulls you closer to his chest. 

“Yeah, you need to get a lot closer” The two of you exchange giggles while your supposed judges fake puke and groan at their vocalist’s flirtatious words. The two of you stay comfortably, his hands softly lounging around your waist as you stay snuggled against his chest. The silence washing over you as your face grows sober. 

“Why’d you lie about it?” you distance yourself, just get a view of his face, glistening in the backstage spotlight. A sigh escapes his lips as he glances towards the sky. 

“I dunno, I was dumb, jealous of your talent, dumb, desperate for attention, did I mention dumb?” he flew off into a meaningless tangent, his fingers gripped onto the fabric of your shirt. “I was an idiot, Y/N, I thought this was just some stupid crush, but you’re so much more. God, and I probably hurt you so much during that whole dumb thing, didn’t I?”

“It’s fine, your insults are pretty weak, anyways”

“Oh wow, ok, I see how it is”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding”

The vocalist glanced down to his feet, his eyes reaching back to you right after. “Can we, ya know, start over?” 

You plant a feathery kiss against his cheek, summoning the red hue that stayed for the rest of the night. “Of course, Hyuckie”  

...

“Miss Park Y/N, I am afraid you have to leave, as you are the cause of the main cause of our vocalist’s distraction.” Renjun stated in a deadpan, robotic tone. An arm, raised and pointing to the direction of the door while his foot rapidly tapped against the carpet. Sometimes, you couldn’t tell if the manager was messing with you or 100% serious with his supposed rage. 

“I live here, Renjun” you subtly snapped back as Hyuck, who was perched on top of your lap for the most peculiar reason, snaked his arms around your waist. According to your vocalist boyfriend, he got to sit on your lap cause he was ‘more famous than you’. That dummy. 

“I’m taking a break, Junnie, go bug Jeno or something. I’m busy with, um” He scans the figure trapped underneath his grasp as Hyuck continues to formulate his poorly thought-out excuse to spend more time with you. “Vocal exercises, yeah, that.” A disapproving sigh slips out of Renjun’s lips, heading over to the guitar and bassist duo. Once the two of you were alone, Donghyuck’s eyes once again fell onto you. 

“How’d you find out about my feelings, anyways? I refuse to believe my acting was THAT bad.” His head slithered into the crook of your neck. 

“If I’m being completely honest, It was Jisung” 

Donghyuck shot up, mic wires and lyric sheets falling to the ground of your garage. “WHAT?”

“Yeah, he went off, exposing you so much. He didn’t even realise it until after he said everything lmao” 

“Hey guys I brought snacks” Jisung slipped through the garage door, bags of chips in his hand. Hyuck sent your brother a narrow glare. “You’re a dead man, Park Jisung.”

You watched Hyuck as he sent himself flying towards the not-so innocent boy, the various chips dropping to the ground. Your brother did kinda deserve it though. You glanced at the ripped up calendar on the wall of the barren garage, your eyes landing on the little Saturday square. You smiled to yourself. Usually, you hated Saturdays, for their errands and boring chores, But this one in particular, seemed to be alright. 

...

[dragon-quest-ensemble]

DQE: The Status Of Things

**Trigger Warning: Contains Sensitive Subject Matter** A Message From The Main Admin

Hello Dragon Quest fans and fiends (endearing). You’re all probably wondering why the radio silence so shortly after A Fervid Darkness was supposed to take up the reigns in my absence. And you would be right to be concerned about the status of this game.

Firstly, I’m still debilitatingly ill. If you’ve studied the weather from beginning-mid January until now you’ll find some very finicky weather patterns across the lower Eastern USA. I just unfortunately don’t have the luxury of living in a place that is better for my health and have been virtually bedbound. The laptop battery did come in, but it still needs a bit more assembly before I can use my laptop and I have no one to help me assemble it while I’m sick like this. However, progress was never supposed to come to a dead silent halt.

As some of you may remember, a certain portion of the DQ “fandom” tends to do some less than savory things towards members of this team. Please bear with me as I outline some things from 2019-present. This isn’t arbitrary, but will explain the decision I reveal at the end of this announcement.

  DQE initially began development (real development - away from planning) in 2019. Towards the end of 2019 a few of what we had assumed were extra hands on the game began targeting a specific team member. Not only was this person bullied for everything under the sun, backstabbed, etc. they were also physically and sexually harmed IRL by these “fans”. Said team member’s mental health took a nosedive and because they’re such a core person to this team, and one of my closest friends, I pulled back a lil from development because I didn’t want to continue without them. 

Throughout 2020, this behavior pattern from the “fandom” continued, with this specific member as their main target. However, sweeping back to 2018 when DQE was just a thought in our minds, their efforts were on another of the team members - this is by no means a new thing for any of us, but the severity in their attacks and the frequency and intensity of the attacks are more concentrated on this present member. In later 2020 there were still activities going down, but this member was having a few better mental health days and trying to cope…...and so I thought bringing DQE back to full swing would be possible since it’s something they really wanted to do.

And I did.

A few weeks ago, the activity amped up again. They told this member that if they were to interact with their lover (who is also a team member) that they would murder that person and send a picture of their corpse. They sent a picture of a decapitated corpse, causing this targeted member to enter into an episode of psychosis (their lover is actually unharmed). Yes, it’s that sadistic. Meanwhile, A Fervid Darkness, who has been responsible for helping some of these “fans” get put away, was also physically attacked while trying to more or less bring the others to some type of justice. 

This group is widespread and mostly anonymous, most of them coming from the Dragon Quest “fandom”. They cyberstalk and cyber terrorize, sometimes even posing as interested “fans” or new friends. They’re an insanely insidious bunch and specifically target individuals with intent. 

Why? We’re not entirely sure of why, although this member’s gender identity and mental health issues (Borderline Personality Disorder) have been the subject of some of the attacks so that at least has played a part. Their target previous to that was targeted for their sexual orientation. This included multiple “corrective rapes” to “cure the sexuality”. 

I wanted to simply try to forget about them while in the place where DQE was worked on. A sort of safe haven where my friends and I can make a game we’re passionate about and destress. 

Now, you may wonder, why say all of this?

Members of this group have sent threats to DQE workers telling them that if they continue working on the game, they’ll die. They have also sent me messages from anon and throwaway accounts saying that they will target people who play the game.   

And now, knowing a little of the history, you probably can guess where this is going.

I can’t, in good faith, continue making a game that may be exploited in some way to dox and harm its players. This is not a decision that I just threw my hands up and quit easily. I’ve been in long, long talks with A Fervid Darkness about it for a bit now. And I would rather sacrifice my dignity as a game dev than be responsible for a medium that these absolute monsters claim they’ll use…..to do to others what has been happening to my friends. A Fervid Darkness has mirrored this, in fact brought it up to me before I did to him (although I already had the thought).   

But I don’t want to NOT make a game. Instead, I proposed that we could make an offline game (still a Dragon Quest game) so that players wouldn’t “run into” this group while playing. A game that can be downloaded more or less anonymously, no usernames linked - nothing - completely anonymous, to be enjoyed. I think that will put my mind at ease. 

As for voice acting, music, etc. nothing will change really, honestly. I can plug those same characters/location types. DQE’s story and mechanics definitely will be tossed aside as a whole, because I do want to return to DQE someday when this madness is over for good. If anyone’s noticed, our twitter had snips from something called Dragon Quest: Ensemble to Eternity in it. This is a limited fanfiction I’ve been writing, shown to hand selected people, but it’s been extremely well received, and I won a monetary reward for it on a DQ server. I personally don’t like my writing, but other people seem to enjoy at least the concept of this story piece and have begged for a game version of it for years. (and I’d say no because I wanted to focus on DQE)

So I am tossing around in my idea bank that I may work Ensemble into a game format, bite by bite, section by section, and see how that goes. It already has a fanbase although its concept is a little more niche than DQE. It’s quite a darker, bit angst type story and has a complexity in its blanket concept than DQ’s stories typically have on surface. 

No matter what we decide on for a game, we still want to include those who have helped so far. Everyone’s been super patient and super wonderful and a lot of you guys send me amazing gifts and get better soon messages and that means so much to me. If you were here because the MMO appeal I totally get that, and no hard feelings if you leave on that basis. I know that a singleplayer game is miles from MMO expectations in terms of gameplay type. Feel free to return back to us later down the road when DQE may be a safer project overall. 

Again thank you so much. Also, feel free to leave love and support for member Michelle’s/Hargon (the main target in this craziness).

I’ll see you guys when we regroup, with a plan going forward from here.

[effemimaniac]

1, 20, 25

1. How did you choose your name?

(y’know I just realized, I don’t think I’ve even ever said my name here on tumblr!... weird) My name is Rosa and probably like most people there were multiple reasons and factors that lead me to choosing that name. Most importantly... I just kind of vibed with it, really... I like the sound and look of it, and the meanings and connotations of it, and it just feels right being called that!

Although, I did have some trouble deciding which permutation to pick out of rose/rosa/rosie/rosaline and honestly I’m still considering when I get around to legally changing my name whether to go with a longer version like Rosaline. Mostly so that it can be reasonably shortened to rose or rosie as well as rosa. (I’m indecisive and having that option to slightly change it or use them all sounds nice sjkhdfjkshdf)

Also Rose/Rosa are both “family names” which was not super important to me but it makes it feel more natural in a way and I think my family likes that. Oh, and can’t forget that like a lot of internet communists I love Rosa Luxembourg and that was definitely a low-key factor in choosing Rosa over some of the other names I was considering lol

20. What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans?

Honestly, I would share what transition actually entails, and what Dysphoria really is. Like a lot of trans kids I just felt very confused by a mess of feelings that didn’t really make sense. All my anxiety and insecurity about my body, and my social dissatisfaction felt like unrelated issues that probably everyone deals with, and I know it’s kind of a meme now but I really did think that it was basically normal and universal to wish you were a girl lol. What I (mis)understood about being trans as a child was that transitioning is expensive, imperfect, and dangerous, and trans people just innately knew they were trans since forever, and it really hindered me coming to understand myself. Also like, with all the messaging to teenagers about “phases” and transient states of feeling, when I understood what dysphoria was to an extent and realized that was what I was experiencing, I really thought all the feelings would pass somehow, eventually. If I knew what puberty blockers and HRT could do at a younger age I think I would have come out a lot earlier, and knowing that what I was feeling was gender dysphoria and not some amped up Teenage Angst would have made things a lot less confusing.

Maybe the intent of this question wasn’t “how would you convince your past self to transition earlier” but I guess I’m a little bit bitter and have some resentment about my ignorance and confusion as a kid lol 25. What do you wish cis people understood? Not to make everything about medical transition but I kind of wish cis people understood better - or at least made less assumptions about - HRT and trans medicine in general. It’s a weirdly common occurrence for me and incredibly dysphoria inducing to be asked things by well-meaning cis people like “so, now you’re on HRT when will your voice change? :)“ and other things like that.

I also wish cis people would understand that being trans isn’t a universally similar thing and the same for everyone... that we’re all individuals and one thing that rings true for some trans people can’t be assumed to apply to every trans person.

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Give love one more chance; Gwilym Lee x reader

*Author’s note*

Hello everyone well I have yet another request that came from my wattpad account and this time the request is all about our lovely mini-Bri Gwilym Lee. Now as a warning THERE IS HEAVY MENTIONS OF CHEATING (not on Gwil’s part but it’s for the back story) and due to that there is angst but I PROMISE FLUFF IS THROUGHOUT MOST OF THIS STORY esp. once the ending comes around. So I hope you all enjoy this little fic and until the next update my darlings :)

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things​

@psychosupernatural​

@waddles03​

@ixchel-9275​

@georgesgentlyweepingguitar​

@queendeakyy​

@geek-and-proud​

@simonedk​

@kairosfreddie​

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I was walking around the main stage set where they would be filming the most iconic scene ever, the Live Aid sequence. I was just in awe at how the stage designers were following everything by the book, from the brick wall patterns, to the posters that hung on them at the time, even some of the paint chipping away.

For those that are curious, the name’s (y/n) (l/n). I’ve been on the road with Queen ever since they started working alongside my best friend, Adam Lambert.  Yep, Adam and I go way back since middle school as a matter of fact.  We were both the awkward kids who no one really paid attention too and loved classic rock, esp. Queen.  When Adam told me he was planning to audition for American Idol, I just couldn’t let him go on alone.

I was his big supporter and went to every live performance cheering him from the sidelines, even helping his team organize and making sure he had everything he needed to his performances.  And even though he was a runner up, he was still a winner in my book.  Then when he came out to me as well as the world about his sexuality, that didn’t change my perspective of him.  I stuck by him because we were the Odd-kids through thick and thin.

Then by 2014 he met up once again with Queen a few years after performing with them back during his season of American Idol and that’s when they offered Adam to be the new leading man for their concerts and thus Queen+Adam Lambert was born.

And then just two years later, Queen officially began to project that was the film ‘Bohemian Rhapsody.’  Adam had invited me along since he had a small little cameo to play and he said that I could potentially have a small role in the film too, but I turned to role down.  I just—never really fit well with a camera’s attention on me.

But here I am as support for Adam as well as Brian and Roger.  Those two men have really become role models and sorta like second dad’s to me in a way. When life got to stressful on the road; Brian always took me aside and the two of us would look at the SaveMe animal videos he had on his website, while Roger was the one with the good therapeutic music to listen to, he even got me into some bands that I never really had the chance to listen too.  Even his former solo band’s ‘The Cross’ music.

“Oh my god. This is beautiful.” It was then I bumped into someone’s back.

“Oh sorry my fault.” We both said at the same time but when I looked up to see just who it was that I had bumped into, I felt like I needed to do a double take because I swear to god I thought I was looking at Brian May at the time of Live Aid.

“Wow you’re gorgeous.” I thought I had said in my head but apparently my lips just had to voice it out loud to him. Embarrassingly I hid my face but I heard the Brian look-alike softly chuckle and he said.

“It’s fine love, I’m flattered, really. Guess I really look the part don’t I?”

“Yeah.” I nervously giggled.

“I’m Gwilym. And as you can probably tell by the wig, I’m playing Brian May in the film.”

“(Y/n). I’m uhh—Adam’s best friend.” God could this be any more humiliating.

“Oh so you’re the one Brian and Roger told us about. The clever roadie.”

“Well I wouldn’t call myself clever. They just flatter me because I work for them.”

“No, no, no. Brian especially talks about how you’ve been able to work on fixing all the AMPS that break down during rehearsal, or knowing when exactly his red special needs a tuning or new string set.” I blushed and that’s when he said, “Oh I’ve gone and rambled making you uncomfortable. I’m so sorry (y/n).”

“It’s fine Gwilym. So is this your first acting gig? Or have you been doing this for a while?”

“I guess you could call me a child actor. My first gig was in a show called Animal Ark, I think I was 13 years old when I auditioned for it. Then after getting my education I dived fully into the acting industry with a few television shows and a few movies. My recent big project was when I was in Midsomer murders, have you heard that show?”

“I think so. My dad was always into British tv more than American tv. Even though he was born in Minnesota.”

“I was only on for only 3 series before I went into some other projects.”

“Well I’d love to see the show sometime. And you said it was called midtown murders?”

“Midsomer, actually.”

“Oh right sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

And that’s kinda what we ended up doing.  We just sat there and talked right up until it was time to start filming.  I wished him good luck and as the actors got into place, I stood beside Roger, Brian’s daughter Emily and Peter “Phoebe” Freestone.  Shortly after the boys entered the stage much like Queen did 31 years Brian came up and sat down beside me and that’s when Rami, who was playing Freddie, set down at the piano and the guys all began to play the full Live Aid set.

As I looked at each of them I knew each of these guys had done their homework.  And seeing them in full costume and shtick, it was like I was actually there at the concert seeing them.  Of course my eyes were especially focused on Gwil who played Brian’s red special with such ease and finesse, it was like I was really watching Brian during the time of Live Aid.

Of course being a Queen fan, I couldn’t help but interact with each song they did, the double handclap for Radio Gaga and We will rock you, following along to the Aye-oh’s, headbanging to Hammer to fall, dancing to Crazy little thing called love, and swaying to We are the champions.

After doing several rehearsals, Dexter finally decided to film the guys for real this time.  And even though it was cold and the guys were probably exhausted, they still managed to perform the whole show once more with even more energy and enthusiasm when the cameras were really recording.  By the end of it all, I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face.

When I finally came backstage after the guys and some of the crew congratulated them on a job well done, I don’t know why it happened but I couldn’t help but fling myself towards Gwilym and embrace him.

“Seems our Brian look-alike has found his little groupie.” Teased Rami using his Freddie voice.  At that point I backed away and released him.

“Sorry. I just—got a little excited. Seeing you four up there it was like—finally seeing all four members of Queen back together for the first time in a long time.”

“We’re glad you loved it (y/n).” Gwilym said with a soft smile that made butterflies tickle my stomach.

“So you said you love Queen? What’s your favorite song of theirs?” asked the John Deacon look alike, damn much like Gwil, he definitely looked like Deacy, I can see why the casting directors chose him, it was like he was his son or something.

“Oh god well don’t tell them this but it’s definitely Somebody to love.”

“I like her already. We match!” he raised his hand up for a high five which I complied to give him as he introduced himself as Joe Mazzello.

Pretty soon I knew the other two actor’s names, Ben Hardy who was playing Roger, and Rami Malek who was playing the legend himself Freddie Mercury.

*Brian’s POV*

As I watched our genius little roadie chat up with the actors playing us, my mind kept going back to that hug she gave my look-alike.

“I know you saw that right, I mean I maybe blind as a fucking bat but I know my eyes didn’t deceive me on what I just saw.” Roger said as he came up to me.

“Your eyes do not lie Rog. I saw what you saw.”

“You know our girl doesn’t just hug any random guy.”

“Yep. And that shy little gleam in her eyes, dare I say I think our mini-Deacy is in love with my look alike.”

“Not to say I’m happy for her, but I feel like she could’ve chose better.” Roger teased.

“Oh shut it you old tart, you’re just jealous she didn’t pick your actor.”

“Nothing against yours, cause bloody hell it’s like I’m looking at you 30 years ago over there.” I softly chuckle. Yeah they definitely casted the perfect actor to play me, and seeing Gwilym with the wig on its…..mind boggling (although I had to slightly adjust the wig a bit) but other than that he was perfect. “So, shall we go and confront her about it?”

“Now hold on Rog, you know how she gets when she’s being fully confronted. She’ll completely shut down. Let’s—wait it out. See what happens, and then we’ll see if this is something to discuss with her. But it’ll be on my terms.”

“You just wanna suck the joy out of everything.” I shook my head at Roger’s statement before turning back towards (y/n) and Gwilym.  Seeing the two of them talking and laughing with each other warmed my heart.  Because ever since we’ve met her, (y/n) has been the best roadie we’ve ever had.  She’s always on top of every sound and light equipment we’ve got, she knows how Adam likes his speakers to sound and she’s even clever enough to see when I need a new string set on my guitars or when Roger’s kit needs a tuning because of a loose screw that might’ve happened while unloading.

But for whatever reason she sometimes puts herself down, claiming that she’s not all what we’ve both told her she is. That she’d rather just remain invisible, and I can understand some of her pain because I’ve been there myself with my own self-doubt and insecurities.  So I hope that if her and Gwilym do somehow manage to form a relationship, he could probably help her see that she is more than she seems.

*My POV*

After a couple weeks of being on set, Gwil and I were definitely spending a lot of time together and every time we got the chance to hang out, we’d talk about our lives or love of Queen.

“So you and Adam Lambert really knew each other that long?” he asked me.

“Yep. It just happened one day during lunch, I was the new kid in town and I feared no one wanted to hang out with me so I ended up eating in the courtyard by myself when Adam, all donned up with his green dyed stripped bangs introduced himself and we’ve been friends ever since.”

“So he was even extravagant even back then.”

“Yep. Then when we found out we both had a love for Queen, he refused to let me out of his life afterwards, cause I was the only friend he had that liked or even knew who Queen were.”

“Wait are you serious?”

“Dead serious. It’s hard to find people to talk about classic rock with when all they cared about was the rap music or Britney Spears. Or spice girls.”

“Wow.”

“So how did you come to know Queen’s music?”

“You’ll have to thank my old brother. He had basically almost every single Queen record there was, one day I heard him play Bohemian Rhapsody and I was curious. And I guess you could say the rest is history.”

“Well then your brother gets an A+ from me for good music taste.”

“So how is it touring with Queen and Adam?”

“Well I’ve toured with Adam for so long it just feels like a normal hang out day for us. Once he got the offer to tour with Queen themselves it was like not only meeting my role models but they became family to us. Brian and I have a common love for animals, so much so that I’ve become a daily donor to his SaveMe organization.”

“Hey Gwilym. They’re ready to start filming.” One of the producers came up.

“Well that’s my cue, see you after?”

“You bet.” We stood up and I went ahead and sat down at one of the chairs and watched as the guys did the performance for a Japan concert.  I’ll admit even with the 70’s silk/satin angel shirt that he was wearing, he still looked pretty handsome and he sure was a brilliant guitarist if I do say so myself.

“I see what you’re doing.” Adam’s sing-song voice whispered in my ear.  I came out of my daze and whispered to him.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh don’t play dumb with me dearie. I have eyes I’m not blind.” I shook my head and went back to paying attention to the guys now doing Brian’s song ’39.  I clapped along with the song and softly sung the words (cause out of every song Bri had written, this was definitely my #1 fav.)  When Dexter called cut, I suddenly felt myself being dragged away and soon found myself in a closet of sorts.

“Adam what the fuck is the matter with you?”

“Well would you rather talk about this out there where everyone can hear, potentially your secret lover too?” I immediately covered his mouth with my hand and I hissed at him as I shushed him.

“Shh! Shh! Speak louder why don’t you I don’t think they heard all the way from Glasgow!” I then retracted my hand in disgust as I felt him actually lick my palm. “Why must you do that?”

“Cause I know it annoys you.” He shrugged.

“You can be such an asshole sometimes Lambert.”

“Yeah but you always stick around me dearie.” He said smugly as he leaned up against the wall of the closet crossing his arms. “Now as I was saying back there, you’re really starting to get attached to Brian’s mini-him aren’t you?”

“No!” I snapped abruptly.  He quirked his brow at me before I cleared my throat and said. “No, we’re just friends is all Adam. In fact if you keep going down this path, I might just replace you with him.”

“That hurts (n/n), that really hurts.” He mocked in pain as he placed his hand over his heart and gave me the puppy dog pout. “But girl c’mon for realzies, what’s up with you?”

“Nothing is up, okay can you just drop it? Now if you’ll excuse me Gwilym and I are due for a coffee break.” I walked out of the closet and stormed out trying to get my mind off of what Adam was hinting.  As I was walking, I soon came up to Gwilym and when he saw me he smiled and I tried to calm my anger down as I approached him calmly.

“You okay (y/n)?”

“Yeah, yeah why would you say that?”

“Just—for a moment it looked like you were pissed at something.”

“Oh nothing you need to worry about, so you free for some coffee and catering? I know you’ve got a long day ahead of you, might not be a bad idea to have a good lunch.”

“Great because I had to skip breakfast when my alarm failed to wake me up this morning.”

“Well then we better hurry. We need food stat, can’t have one of the four Queen members perform on an empty belly.” We then raced over towards the catering and got us some food and coffee.

When we got it and was now walking through the studio where they were now setting up the Madison Square Garden set just opposite of where the Japan stage was earlier this morning.

“Wait so that actually happened?” asked Gwilym.

“He tries to deny it and blames it on the poor lighting the camera had but don’t be fooled. His son Rufus told me the whole story of how it happened.”

“I can’t believe he made his hair green.”

“His hair was already blonde as it was, he’s lucky it didn’t make his hair bleach blonde.”

“Well that’s not as funny as Joe thinking he’ll be able to wash out that perm he got.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa he thinks what now?”

“Yeah Joe thinks that in the next week or two it’s gonna grow out and go back to normal.”

“Oh my god Joey!” I laughed.

“Like just the other night we were all out in the pub the four of us and he was chatting away to a girl with his Yankees cap on. So I went up and flipped the hat off and said as I pointed to his hair ‘he’s got a perm’!” I couldn’t help but laugh hysterically.

“You are so bad.”

“Yeah. Bad wingman but good friend.” I continued laughing which turned into giggles.

“Ahh Joey, Joey, Joey, Joey.”

“GAHH SON OF A BITCH!!!” we both heard someone call out.

“Uh-oh.” I said as Gwil and I looked at each other and set out stuff aside on a nearby table before racing across the studio and I asked. “What happened?”

“Damn circuits in these lights shocked me and now I can barely feel my hand anymore.” Said one of the light engineers.

“Okay, okay here let me see it.” I walked up to him and held his hand in both of mine.  There was some slight swelling but I thankfully no serious burn marks. “Well good news is, is that there’s no serious burn marks. But it is swollen red. I suggest some ice and rest for the rest of the day. And get a medic to check out your reflexes in case the shock might’ve nulled your muscles.”

“But we need another light technician to help us raise these lights for the Madison Square Garden set.” Said a female volunteer.

“You’re looking at your spare one. Besides I’ve spent my whole life with Roger and Brian to know how they want MSG to look. Now, what’s your name?” I turned to the guy who got shocked.

“Arnold.”

“Arnold, go see a medic about your injury and take the rest of the day off. Anyone asks or has a problem with it, send them my way, okay?”

“Okay, thank you.” He said with a slight smile before heading out to the medics trailer.

“Okay now what exactly are we dealing with here?” I asked the seven other light technicians.

“Well we’re trying to make sure all these lights intersect with each other so that they can change colors like they do at the real MSG. Arnold was working on the main circuit board to work the code in when it backfired and you heard what happened as the result.”

“Okay well first things first it could’ve been prevented if he were wearing gloves, rookie mistake.” I then took out my gloves that I always keep on me in my back pocket and put them on. “Goggles.” I said as I extended my arm out and someone handed me some spare goggles.  Once I had them on I proceeded to work.

I called out for various equipment pieces like the 4 in 1 Podger rachet, a Leatherman supertool, and some batteries. Once I had the main board opened I began working on finding the loose circuit that probably caused Arnold’s shocking surprise because that needed to be fixed immediately.

Using a mini-flashlight I managed to find the area and found the problem.

“Okay I see the problem. Can someone hold the flashlight for me?”

“I got it.” Said one of the female volunteers as she came up and took the flashlight from me and I went right to work on the wires, making sure they were tucked in correctly and un exposed.  It took some time but by the end of it all, I punched the code that was needed for the lights to turn on.

“There, that should do it.” I said as I took my gloves off and removed my goggles.

“Okay boys raise her up!” called the main lighting technician and soon the lights were raised up.  Then using his phone, he activated the lights and they soon began shining into a red and blue pattern that would go along with the orange, yellow and green pattern.  The light technicians clapped and thanked me for the assistance and when I turned to Gwil, he just had this awed look on his face.

“Sorry you had to see that. Whenever I hear a technical problem I just gotta jump in.”

“Well I’m glad you did. I was amazed to see how you were able to work all that out.”

“Oh it’s not that hard. All I had to do was just tighten the circuits and then replace the batteries while also—oh there I go again. My tech ramblings again, sorry if I’m boring you Gwilym you don’t need to hear all that.”

“No, no, no it’s genius. I mean back when I was doing theater in secondary and university, I never really had a good grasp on the tech theater side of it even though I was trying my best.”

“Not everyone does. I was the only one who took the class seriously back in high school. Everyone else rather just look at their magazines or porno books. Don’t ask me how they snuck it in.”

“Wow, well thankfully they had you to take it seriously.”

“Uh-huh.” I said sadly as I looked down and rubbed my wrist nervously.

“(Y/n)?”

“Hmm?”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Just—thinking back.”

“Anything you’d…..like to share? I’ve been told I’m a good listener.”

“Thank Gwilym but I don’t wanna bore you with my life. C’mon let’s get back to our food before you’re needed on set again.” I said as I walked away and went back to my donuts and Cinnabons.  Gwil followed behind me and began to eat his celery and carrots as well as drinking his coffee, as we ate I tried my best to avoid eye contact with him up until I finished my things and tossed them in the bin before heading out.

Making an excuse that Bri and Rog had texted me saying that they wanted to talk about the lighting and sound for their next concert.

Later that night as everyone was packing up to do some of the outdoor scenes like Adam’s big cameo appearance, I found myself standing away from the set just staring up at the night sky.

“Penny for your thoughts?” I looked up to see Gwil coming by to sit beside me in the spare chair where Adam was just sitting at before he went to hair and makeup.

“Just—taking in the sky.” He looked up and he said.

“It’s a full moon out tonight.”

“Yep. The one time for a straight week where the tides are stronger and can sometimes have an effect on the human mind.”

“Quite the philosopher you are.”

“Well I did minor in it in college. My major was in electrical engineering.”

“So not only good with your hands but also a brilliant mind in philosophy as well. No wonder why Brian calls you the mini-Deacy.” I smiled briefly.

“The reason why I know about the full moon is because of him. He did give me a little lecture on astronomy. But I’d be lying if I didn’t have a fascination with space already. Just—never could understand the specific science talk it came with.”

“I hear yah. When I was a kid; my brother and I would go out to the backyard and we’d just look up at the stars and make as many pictures with them as we could. Sometimes we even stayed out all night. Worried my mum to no end.”

“I think it’d worry me too if my kids ended up staying outside in the cold night with no blankets or a tent to sleep in.” we turned to look at each other and once again Gwil had this awed look on his face, just like he did this afternoon. “What is it?”

“Nothing it’s just…..” he trailed off.

“Just what?”

“Your eyes.”

“M—my eyes?”

“They….they sparkle underneath the moonlight. Almost like they were two stars themselves.” I was speechless.  I felt my heart race and my face beginning to heat up.  I turned away probably blushing as red as an apple right now.  I felt Gwil’s hand gently go on top of mine, before intertwining them together which made me look up at him.  It was then I saw him lean closer towards me, his forehead pressing against mine while his nose gently brushed up against mine.

At this point I could hear my heart racing in my ears as the smell of his cologne sent me into a hypnotic state.  I felt his hand cup the side of my face as he faintly whispered.

“So beautiful.” But just before he could kiss me, Joe’s voice could be heard from a mile away.

“YO GWIL WHERE ARE YAH!? WE’RE ABOUT TO START FILMING!!!”

“If this is payback for the pub he’s so gonna get it.” I heard him mutter angrily.  He turned back towards me and he said, “Sorry love.”

“It’s okay.” I strained out. “Just, just, just, just go film your scenes for the night.” I said as I crossed my arms over me protectively and looked down.  I couldn’t look at him, I just couldn’t find the strength to do so.  I then heard him walk away and that’s when the tears started pouring down.

I took off running to the nearest place I could find.  I didn’t even bother to look and see what it was, all I wanted to know was that I could be alone and that I could cry to myself in peace.  I collapsed to the floor on my butt and tucked my legs up into my chest and began to softly cry.

I don’t know how long I was crying in wherever I was for but it was then I heard the door open and soon coming in was Adam and Rami.

“(Y/n)?” Adam said surprised.  I felt myself being torn down as I had finally been revealed. I must’ve came into the hair and makeup trailer and now that they were probably calling it quits, everyone would soon come in and see me crying my eyes out.

“(Y/n) you okay?” Rami asked.

“Hey uhh Rami could you give us a moment alone? Maybe guard the door so that no one comes in just yet?”

“Yeah, yeah sure thing.” I heard the door shut and that’s when I saw Adam sit down in front of me.  I looked up at him to see him in the truck driver get up with the full beard and long haired wig.

“You were right. Okay you wanna hear me say it Adam Lambert?! You were right! I’m in love with Gwilym Lee!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa okay. Okay. Calm down, calm down.” He said as he cautiously reached forward and gently gripped my arms in his hands. “I’m happy you finally came to terms with it dearie, that’s great news actually. But what’s got you so upset?”

“For Christ sake Adam tell me you didn’t forget about the bullying I had to endure all throughout middle and high school! And Jared!” at the mention of the boy’s name his eyes widened and he said.

“Okay hold on, wait just a damn second. Gwilym is nowhere near what that dick Jared was. I’ve seen the two of you together and he makes you happier way more than what Jared did.”

“Well Jared made me happy until he did what he did!” I looked down at my knees and continued lowly, “Oh Adam. I thought I could just keep up a friendship with Gwilym, but now I—” I trailed off as more sobs came up my throat as I choked out, “Now I…..I wish I never came here!” I then broke down once more.

I felt Adam sit close beside me before he wrapped his arms around me bringing me into his chest and kissing my forehead as he rubbed my back in soothing circles and stroked down my hair.

Once I calmed down after what felt like crying all night, Adam took me out of the trailer and already I could see a crowd of people including Gwil standing around asking all sorts of questions at seeing me.

“Guys please. No questions are necessary and please don’t ask me because I won’t answer them either. What was said in the trailer stays between (y/n) and me.” Adam made a clear statement before finally taking me away to find Brian or Roger.

When we finally came across Roger, he soon got protective and asked.

“What happened?”

“Roger could you just take (y/n) back to the hotel, I’ll explain later.”

“Alright, come with me lovie.” I was soon switched out from Adam’s arms to Roger’s and he guided me towards his car.  He helped me into the backseat where I could hide away while he drove us back to the hotel.

I was now in my room lying on my bed hiding under the blankets after just spending a long time under the hot water trying to get rid of the memories of Jared.

You see—I had met Jared during the first collaboration with Adam and Queen.  He was actually one of Brian’s roadies and helped set up all of Brian’s AMPS.  We had a common love for electronics and gradated with the same major even being an ocean apart.  We shortly began dating afterwards and were madly in love.

But when a serious accident caused him to take an early retirement from being on the road since the damage had been done to his lower back.  Which left me to go on the road with Queen and Adam, but we still kept in touch.

Fast forward to just a year ago after four years of dating, I began to wonder if there was gonna be a future with the two of us together.  So one day after we had gotten done with a tour, I get a text from Jared saying that the next night he wanted to meet me at the very restaurant where we had our first official date at.  Adam of course was thrilled thinking that a proposal was in the horizon so he helped me get dolled up the next morning (even with him being completely jetlagged) and I met Jared at our restaurant.

I was trembling with anxiety but also with joy. He took my hand, looked deep into my eyes and that’s when he dropped the bombshell, but it wasn’t what you’d think it was.  Jared had confessed to me in our restaurant where we had our first date, along with many others that he had been cheating on me.

But not just with one woman, not two, not three, but lots of women.  All in the entire span we had been dating.

I refused to listen to anything else he had to say as he tried to defend himself.  But no that’s not the worst part, the worst part of it was, was that the following day (after crying in Adam’s arms all day), Jared came to the stage where Queen and Adam were performing in London and tried to win me back. Saying that it was just a fluck and that he still loved me with all his heart.

He’d constantly tried to call or text me over 100 times a day.  The harassment went on for months till finally I had a restraining order put against him and if he should violate it in the state of England, he’d be arrested. To which he was and was sentenced to five years in jail for refusal to obey the restraining order as well as stalking (yeah he’d stalk me cross country during some of the tours and even snuck backstage and confronted me with arms open and tears rolling down his face).

Ever since then, I’d been afraid to love again because what if they end up being another Jared.  Charming, sweet, noble, funny and charismatic, but the second I turn my back he’d go and sleep with half the women in America. And then make me to be the bad guy because I couldn’t give them a chance to explain why he had to cheat.

I heard a knock at the door and I could only groan as my door soon opened and I felt three separate dips around my bed.

“Adam told us (y/n).” Brian’s voice said. I groaned and buried myself into my pillow.

“You know you’ll suffocate yourself if you do that.” Adam said.

“Better that than dealing with this bitch.” I groaned pitifully.

“C’mon (n/n), come out from under there and look at us.” Roger said. I shot up and glared at him and said.

“There, happy? Goodnight!” before I could collapse back down onto the bed, Adam held me up and trapped me in his arms as he said.

“Stay out here.”

“(Y/n). We know that—you know who really hurt you.” Brian started off.

“Hurt doesn’t even come close to how I felt the day he told me that. God never did I want to kill someone until that day.”

“I don’t blame you, none of us do.” Adam said as he rubbed my back. “But you can’t let what Jared did affect you for the rest of your life.”

“Think it’s already a little too late for that.”

“No it’s not. Because look at what you’ve accomplished since his arrest. The only guys you had a close connection with are me and the guys. Now you’ve become friends with Rami, Ben, Joe and Gwil. And what’s even greater is that you’ve come to accept that you’re starting to have feelings for Gwil.” Adam said.  I looked down and I said.

“How do I know it’ll work out? What if it’s like Jared all over again?”

“You’ll never know unless you go for it.” Roger said. I looked between the three of them but didn’t answer.

“The choice is up to you (y/n). Just make sure that whatever you do decide, you won’t regret it. And just listen to your heart. We’ll support you no matter what you choose.” Brian said as he placed a comforting hand to my shoulder.  I nodded and thanked the guys as they brought me into a group hug.

The next morning I came onto set for the last time (since Adam was done with his cameo, he was needed back at the studio to promote some of his solo stuff, and as his SM manager I needed to be there to spread the word) to confront Gwilym and finally let go of the past (if I could).

I walked around the set till I finally found the person I was searching for.  He was fiddling around with a mock Red special practicing before he would have to film the ‘We will rock you’ scene.  I took a deep breath in before exhaling out and walked towards him.

“Hey Gwil?” he looked up at me and said.

“(Y/n). You’re—you’re still here. I thought you and Adam already left?”

“No, not till tomorrow. I uhh—I wanted to talk to you. About……” I trailed off and that’s when he stood up setting the guitar down and finished my thought.

“About last night?” I nodded. He sighed heavily as he pressed his hands to his face, “I’m really sorry (y/n). I never meant to upset, I was impulsive and stupid to do that. Can we just forget what happened? I was way out of line.”

“Actually Gwilym I—I have something to confess. But can we talk somewhere privately?”

“Of course, we can talk in my trailer. If you’re comfortable with that.” I nodded and soon the two of us headed towards his trailer.

When we got there, he closed the door and I sat down on his sofa while he sat down at one of his chairs and said.

“Okay (y/n), what is it you need to confess?” my leg was bouncing up and down as I tried to formulate the words that I was about to tell him.  I felt the familiar sting of tears in my eyes.

“God I’m sorry.” I choked out.

“No, no, no never feel sorry about this. Please take your time.”

“Last night I—I wasn’t upset because of the, well the about to be kiss. In fact I—I wanted to kiss you too.”

“But.” He stated knowing that I had something else to add on.

“There’s a—reason why I’m so insecure about myself. And—why I haven’t been in a relationship.” I then proceeded to tell him everything.  From the bullies at school, to Jared’s story and how badly he had hurt me. Used me. Treated me like trash.  By the end of it all, Gwil was leaning up against his chair with a heavy expression.

“That son of a—bloody hell. (Y/n) I—I’m so, so sorry you had to go through that hell.”

“Brian, Roger and Adam made it easier on me. After his arrest they allowed me to take some time off from the rest of the tour that I was dealing with to decompress from all that stress. I thought I would never love someone ever again. Until……I met you.” I admitted the last part shyly.

“You—you love me?”

“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same. I just—had to get it off my chest. So if I’ve made things awkward between us now, I’m sorry. We don’t have to see each other again.”

“(Y/n), (y/n) (y/n) (y/n) (y/n), (y/n).” Gwil came up and knelt in front of me and held my face in his hands. “Sorry you were starting to ramble on so much I could barely understand you.”

“Sorry. Adam always said I did that whenever I get to anxious. Bad trait of mine.”

“No worries love. Now to put your fears and anxiety aside, I want to tell you that I felt the same way about you. After spending these last few weeks together, I came to know the real you and not just through the stories from Brian and Roger. But now hearing this story, which I commend you for telling me. I know you didn’t have to tell me but you did. And I could go on and on about my feelings for you but to summarize it all up, if you’ll give me a chance. I’ll show you that not all men are like that selfish arsehole. I can be the man you deserve. The one who will treat you right, like you’re the only women left on Earth.”

“Do you really mean that?”

“The only girl I’ll love as much as you is my mum.” I smiled and pressed my forehead against Gwil’s and softly thanked him. “I promise (y/n). You’ll be my clever girl.”

“Think I like the sound of that.”

“Well you better get used to it, because there will be a lot of cute little nicknames in the future.”

“Just as long as you don’t give me any cheesy ones like bunny, or cupcake, or turtledove.”

“Spoil sport. And those were the first three I was thinking of.” I softly laughed as a true genuine smile came across my face. “And there’s that beautiful smile that makes me week at the knees. Next to your eyes, your smile is the brightest thing about you.”

“Gwil stop it you’re making me blush.” He softly chuckled before slowly leaning his lips towards mine and he gave me a soft kiss. When I felt that sudden bolt of electricity shoot up my spine, I knew that Gwil was definitely going to be different than Jared.  Even with that soft peck, there was so much passion and love in it that Jared never brought me.

I leaned forward and captured his lips once more, this time brushing my fingers through his short brown hair as I felt his arms slowly wrap further around me.

This was gonna be an adjustment in the days to come. After coming out of the relationship I had, I knew there would be some doubts in the future, especially with Gwil and I having separate careers always being a part from each other (me more than him) but I felt in my bones that when he made that promise earlier, he meant it.

And I was proven right that within 2 years shortly after the Bohemian Rhapsody premiere, I got a proposal right there at the red carpet.

[star-spangled-eyes]

Forbidden: Part 2: Someone You Loved

This alternate universe fan fiction uses characters created and owned by Pixelberry Studios. Character names, descriptions and likenesses are owned by Pixelberry Studios. Some content in the first part are direct words from TRR Book 3, Chapter 16. The MC, Bragnae Bennett, and story is created and owned by this author.

Book: The Royal Romance (Alternate Universe)

Alternate Universe Theme: The Queen of Cordonia as an adulteress  

Pairing: King Liam x MC / Drake Walker x MC (Bragnae Bennett – *pronounced Brawn-yah)

Warnings for this series: NSFW, Adult content, suggestive and strong language, heavy angst, drama of course, very steamy sex scenes in each part -- IF YOU ARE UNDER 18, DO NOT READ THIS SERIES. Also, if you do not like reading smut, especially mine, please do not read this series.

Series Description: Forbidden is an extremely steamy story that takes place in Cordonia picking up the night of Bragnae’s bachelorette party in Las Vegas. She accepted King Liam’s proposal, despite also being in love with Drake. But when Liam gives Bragnae permission to have one last fling before they’re hitched, she chooses Drake.

Even though Bragnae tells him their dalliance is for one night only, Drake can’t seem to let it go. Once they return to Cordonia and the King marries his betrothed, Drake convinces Bragnae to embrace the forbidden pleasure of being with him in addition to filling her role as queen – consequences be damned.

Master List

A/N: I definitely don’t condone cheating in a relationship, but I have to say this is more a love story, than a lust. And it is delicious! I’m just having fun with this fic (but don’t worry… drama will still ensue), and I hope you are too!

Warnings for this chapter: NSFW, Adult content, sex, angst, suggestive and strong language, (I’m amping up the sexual language in this series!)

Word Count for this chapter: 9408 – Sorry, not sorry. It all needed to be said.

Setting for this chapter: Bragnae and Liam have some fun on their honeymoon, and Drake copes with his decisions.

Permatags: @burnsoslow​​​ @cora-nova​​ @dcbbw​​​ @thorfosterlove​​​ @emceesynonymroll​​​ @edgiestwinter​​​ @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld​​ @msjr0119​​​ @notoriouscs​​​ @drakewalker04​​​ @pedudley​​​ @desiree---1986​ @choices-lurker​ @kingliam2019​ @loveellamae​​ @drakexnadira​ @flutistbyday2020​ @indiana-jr​

Series Tags: @drakeandcamilleofvaltoria​​​ ​@silverofdreams​​​ @texaskitten30​ @mskaneko​​ @jemrmax2love​ @nomadics-stuff​ @queenjilian​​ @yukinagato2012​ @ravenpuff02​ @forthebrokenheartedthings-blog​ @moneyfordiamonds​

Part 2: Someone You Loved

The first few days of their honeymoon went by in a blur. Leave it to the King of Cordonia to own his own private island. With only a few staff around to cook their meals and tidy up the villa, Bragnae and Liam were virtually alone. It was a refreshing change after the whirlwind that was her life once she stepped off the plane in Cordonia for the first time.

Getting a moment alone with Liam was more difficult than she would have liked, but she understood. First, she’d been competing for his hand with five other women. So, he had to be fair to share his time with them all. Next, he was engaged when he didn’t want to be, and Bragnae was branded as a harlot, so having Liam seen with her would have looked bad on him.

Once they were engaged, they had the freedom to be with each other more, but with Liam’s duties as King, Cordonia always comes first. Bragnae accepted that. She knew what to expect with him, but it didn’t make her want him any less. If anything, the moments they could be alone together were that much sweeter.

The honeymoon was a particularly special treat because it was truly just about them. In the days they spent on the island, their pleasure was of the utmost importance. A true honeymoon. They’d eat, have sex, sleep, wake up, have sex again, eat some more, and the cycle just repeated itself. Far from being an exhausting routine, they enjoyed every minute.

After they intimately explored every square inch of the villa, Liam took Bragnae out to discover the island leading to many impromptu erotic moments. In a quiet oasis towards the center of the island, Liam bent her over a downed tree, making her come hard twice while the wild birds scattered from her ear-piercing screams. They had also found a beautiful waterfall to make love under, letting the power of the water invoke many sensual and heightened orgasms.

As if Liam had placed it there himself, a large, smooth bolder sat in the shallows of the ocean, which was the perfect place to enjoy the silvery glow of the moon bouncing off the water while Liam pounded into her. The crashing waves lapping against their lower halves only enhanced the experience. With miles separating them from the nearest person, especially after the staff left the island for the night, Liam encouraged her not to hold back with her pleasured cries, and he made sure she didn’t.

Aside from the frequent, mind-blowing sex, Bragnae and Liam had grown even closer than they ever had before. There was actually time for them to talk about their interests, relax without any major distractions, and just be with each other. It was all she could ever hope for – the perfect honeymoon with her new husband, the King.

Bragnae finished getting ready for bed with a quick spritz of perfume. She looked at herself in the mirror, admiring the black and red negligee that hugged her curves. She knew it wouldn’t stay on long, and being naked made more sense, but the King liked a challenge.

Flipping off the bathroom light, she strolled back into the bedroom to see Liam sitting up in bed with a laptop resting on his thighs. His brow furrowed as his eyes scanned the screen. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, and she hoped he was bare even under the sheets. She’d soon find out.

Bragnae got on the bed, and crawled seductively towards him, catching his attention. “How’s the kingdom, Your Majesty?” Her tone was flirty and playful in hopes to get his mind on her instead.

He smiled at her. “It’s running smoothly, although it looks like we’ll be a bit busy when we return.”

“Why do you say that?” She straddled his knees, and leaned over his computer letting her ample cleavage tease him. His eyes immediately shifted to her chest with an appreciative look.

His gaze returned to her eyes. “Well, for starters, we have to have your coronation. Since you married the king, you automatically fill the role as queen, but Cordonian tradition states that there must be a coronation for you to be officially considered a ruler of the country. It has to happen within a month of us getting married.”

“That sounds nice. I’m looking forward to it. What else?”

Liam sighed. “As soon as we get back, I have to go to Lythikos.” He ran a hand through his silky, blonde hair. “Olivia needs some help with something in her duchy. She’s being vague as to the details, but needs my assistance.”

“Can I go with you?”

“Normally, I’d say yes. But I want you to get settled in at the palace, and start getting to know your role as queen. There will be a lot for you to adjust to, I’m afraid.”

“What’s a queen without her king?” Her lips transformed into a sultry smirk.

“You make a valid point, but I won’t be gone too long. One night, maybe.” Her smirk faltered at the thought of not being with him. “Trust me, I don’t want to leave you either. We can make up for it now, and when I come back.”

Bragnae nodded assertively. “Fair enough. And speaking of now, what do you say we put the country’s needs aside, and focus on ours instead?” She slowly pushed the laptop closed, and put it on the bedside table, making it a point to hover over him in a sexy feline sort of way.

Liam grinned, using a finger to pull down her top for a better view. “I don’t even know why you’re wearing this. I’m just going to take it off of you anyway.”

She inched herself closer, still on all fours. “Maybe I wanted you to work for it.” Leaning forward, she slowly and barely brushed her lips against his before sitting back again.

“I will always make an effort to work for it when it comes to you.” Just then, Liam sat forward grabbing her by the waist, and pulled her on top of him like it was nothing.

“You’re so strong, Liam,” she said biting her lip. Flattening her hands onto his well-defined chest, she admired his physique. “You have such a sexy, toned body. I can’t get enough of it.”

“A king should be strong to defend his kingdom… and his queen.” Liam pushed the satin fabric above her hips before running the back of his hand across her pelvis.

Bragnae tingled at her core. No matter how many times they’d slept together, his touch always inspired such a reaction. Not to mention staring at the blonde Adonis sitting beneath her already made her wet and ready for him.

“Well, on behalf of the citizens of Cordonia, we want to thank you for every chiseled muscle on your body for the betterment of our country.” Her finger outlined his pectorals, dropping down to trace each of his defined abs as she spoke. Her hand slipped further down beneath the sheet to gently grip his already hardened cock.

A low groan rumbled in his throat. “That particular muscle is not for Cordonia. It’s only reserved for you.”

“Yes, but the citizens are rooting for me to have a very pleasurable honeymoon, and this,” she paused to peel back the sheets to expose his monumental erection, “plays a vital role in that.” Bragnae slowly stroked him, mesmerized by his mouth-watering dick.

She briefly wondered if all Cordonian men were as well-endowed as he was. A recent memory breached her mind of the other massive cock she encountered and who it belonged to, but she quickly pushed it away.

Liam smiled, shifting a bit under her touch. “The people are already rallying around you, huh? It makes sense. They, like me, want you to be completely satisfied.” He rolled her on her back, so she was underneath him. “Over and over and over again.”

His mouth crashed against hers, kissing her with everything he had. That was Liam – full of passion, devotion and eagerness to please her. She moaned as his hands moved down her body. He gripped her hips, and tugged her down the bed a bit before lifting her negligee up. Instead of removing it completely, he made it so the fabric both covered her eyes and restrained her arms. She was bound by her own outfit with her body bare and entirely at Liam’s mercy.

She squirmed a bit just to play along. Seeing nothing but darkness made her other senses spike, especially when Liam caressed her breasts, loving each one of her taut nipples with his tongue and a gentle tug of his teeth. Bragnae gasped, her breathing increased.

“God, Liam that feels so good.” A surge of heat rushed to her core as he loved her body.

After assuming he’d move south next, Liam surprised her by capturing her lips once more. “You ready to scream, my Queen?” He bit her lower lip, slowly dragging away from her before his mouth worked its way down her body.

Bragnae moaned deliciously. “You know that I am.” If there was an award given for ‘most skilled at oral sex’, King Liam would win it every time, hands down. He not only was exceptional at it, but he liked doing it as well – almost to the point of obsession. It was thrilling and unbearably hot. A man with such a skill should be afforded as many opportunities as he wanted to perform, and Bragnae would happily and shamelessly enable his pleasurable addiction anytime.

It didn’t matter what position he had her in – because it did vary, she would reach her climax hard and fast, and would soon be putty in his arms. Worthless to the world for at least two minutes, sometimes longer. He was that good. Thinking about it in more depth, it made sense that he excelled in this particular area.

Liam was charismatic, a well-spoken man, and he addressed the public on an almost daily basis. His tongue assisted him in speaking five different languages, negotiating with diplomats and other foreign leaders, and her most favorite, talking dirty to her. It was no wonder that when he flicked his tongue at just the right speed and pressure that she’d fall apart around him.

To add to the suspense of it all, he would always include an extra move that pleasantly surprised her whether that be using his hands to assist his skilled mouth, humming into her, or even biting. Yes – biting. Where she thought it might be too much for her sensitive skin, the way Liam did it made her toes curl. Whatever combination he decided to use never failed to elicit the same response in her – glass-shattering screams, soaked sheets, calling to God… it was all amazing.

Liam spread her legs wide, placing tender kisses on her inner thigh. Bragnae gasped as she felt him blow lightly on her hot, aching center. He chuckled at her reaction.

“I could stare at you like this all day. Spread eagle, your hot, wet pussy in my face, your beautiful breasts moving up and down along with your ragged breathing. You’re. A fucking. Work. Of art.” Liam punctuated each word with a lap of his tongue, making Bragnae writhe with anticipation.

As much as he enjoyed the act itself, it seemed he relished teasing her beforehand as well. She didn’t mind it because she knew what was coming – aside from herself, that was a given – and it was worth any wait she had to endure.

She smiled, exhaling a giggle that turned into a moan. “I wouldn’t mind this all day, but I’m pretty sure the country would need your attention sooner or later.”

“Such a pity.” Bragnae could feel his hot breath before his expert tongue grazed the soft skin between her southern lips. He always knew the right place to start.

Bragnae dreamily sank into the incredible and hastened strokes of his tongue, which he would use in all the cardinal directions as well as the occasional swirl. Her hips would have rolled with him if he hadn’t held her firmly in place.

Just as she felt the warmth start to build, Liam hummed as he licked, making her entire core vibrate. She pressed her head back against the mattress, tensing her body as the flood gates were about to open. His name left her lips in a breathy whisper as he helped to unleash the blissful fury she had expected.

Her body convulsed as her still restricted hands grasped at the pillows above her head. Liam kept up with his mission until her long screams subsided. An overwhelming sensation of pleasure, love and comfort filled her – almost as if she had floated out of her body and was left hovering on cloud nine.

She tasted herself on his lips as he kissed her, and removed the negligee so that it no longer held her captive. Her eyes fluttered open looking at her husband who wore a big, accomplished grin on his face.

“I love when you scream like that. Makes me so hard.” Liam winked at her before hopping off the bed.

Still in a euphoric state, Bragnae barely noticed as Liam tugged her towards the edge of the bed. He picked up one of her legs letting the other rest on the mattress, and stroked himself as he looked at her. Her gaze met his – those blue eyes dark as an ocean with desire.

“I’m going to be useless to you for another minute or so.” Still panting, she barely managed to speak.

He lined the tip of his engorged member to her, teasing her dripping wet entrance. “Hmmm, not completely useless. All you need to do is relax and moan like the goddess that you are.” He pushed himself inside her with ease prompting a throaty moan of agreement from Bragnae.

Leaning over, pumping slowly in and out of her, he smiled. “That’s it. How do you like my dick, Bragnae?”

All she could do was whimper from the wonderful feeling of him stretching her out.

“Tell me you like it,” he demanded in a low, hoarse voice. He increased his pace a little.

“I love it. I love when your big, hard dick is inside me.” What wasn’t to love about that?

“Such a dirty mouth you have,” he said chuckling before bending down to kiss her again. “And I love your tight, wet pussy.”

She smiled. “I remembered to do my Kegel exercises for you too, big boy.” As if to emphasize her point, she used her internal muscles to contract her walls around his cock, giving him a unique, sexy hug.

He smirked down at her. “I do appreciate that.”

“Harder, Liam.” He answered with a powerful thrust that she felt in her throat.

“How’s that?” He did it again. She hissed a sharp breath through gritted teeth.

“Good. Now, faster.”

He kept his eyes on hers as a determined look spread across his face. His abs flexed with each thrust he made into her, pounding at rapid speed. Her leg pressed against his chest as he held onto it with both hands, squeezing her thigh.

The position of her leg and the slight curve of his dick made for the perfect position for him to rub in just the right spot. She felt the hot pressure in her pelvis swiftly change to the promise of more.

“Liam, I’m close. Oh, my God. I’m so close.”

He moved his thumb over her clitoris, lightly rubbing as he kept up his pace. “Go on. Soak my dick, baby.”

The added stimulation sent her over the edge. Gripping the bed sheets with both hands, she squeezed her eyes shut, and became consumed with all that encompassed her sensual release. Seconds later, Liam set free his own climax draining himself into her.

Still nestled safely inside her, he leaned down again to kiss her. “I love you, Bragnae.”

“I love you too.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Empty bottles that once contained alcohol and used glasses littered Drake’s otherwise tidy room. He laid in his bed, fully clothed, as rays from the sun shined on his face. This was the way he’d fallen asleep every night for the past week – drinking until he was good and drunk, and then passing out on his bed with the lights on. He felt a pounding headache throb at his temples that hadn’t seemed to go away since the night of wedding no matter how much whiskey he drank.

Of course, he knew the alcohol wasn’t making things better, but he didn’t care. He needed two things: to be comforted, and to forget. Since he didn’t have the woman he wanted to warm him with her touch, the whiskey sufficed. And because that particular woman was on her honeymoon, likely getting fucked in every position imaginable – and if he knew his friend, he wasn’t far off, he needed to get her out of his mind.

He had grown to realize that even after nearly drowning himself with all that he consumed in alcohol, it hadn’t been as reliable as he’d hoped. Still, through the mind-altering haze, he found himself thinking about Bragnae. There wasn’t an inch of her body he didn’t see in his mind, not a single detail of their dalliance that he didn’t obsess over.

Hoping to find some solace amidst the pain, he even tried to use the thoughts of her to inspire a release of his own built up sexual tension and strife, but knowing he couldn’t be with her took the thrill of the fantasy out of the equation. Frustrated, horny, sad, pissed off – this is what his life was now. He was already a bitter person, but somehow in the last week, he was able to dig down to a whole other level of disturbed.

He wanted nothing from life but Bragnae. Being with her made him happy, in ways he didn’t even know he could be. She challenged him, laughed at his sarcastic jokes, and went out of her way to make sure he was having a good time. They had bonded to the point of friends, which he didn’t expect at first.

But with his desire for her coupled with her reciprocating need for him, they had entered a new plane of existence between platonic friendship and romantic relationship, which was confusing as fuck. And because of his incessant need to put others before him, he missed his chance to be with her for good. He hadn’t even told her how much he loved her, and had loved her since the beginning.

  A knock at the door startled him. It sounded as if a bomb had just gone off, making him cringe. There was a pause before another repetition of knocking came. He drew in a deep breath, heaving himself off the bed to stop the head-splitting noise.

On his way, he stumbled a bit, still feeling the effects of last night’s binge. He opened the door to see the small, but fierce Hana Lee looking up at him in surprise. Why the hell is she surprised to see me? This is my goddamn room.

“Drake, you look awful.” Her mouth had gaped open as her eyes raked over his disheveled appearance. He hadn’t shaved in a few days, so his dark stubble became more than that. His wrinkled clothes hadn’t been changed in a day, and his longer hair hadn’t seen a comb in twice that amount of time. Maybe he shouldn’t be so shocked that she had that reaction.

“Thanks. It reflects my mood. What do you want?” His voice was low and grumbly. When she pulled back, appearing to have been offended, he retraced his words. “I’m sorry. I have a headache. What can I do for you?” His eyelids felt heavy, probably from the lack of decent sleep he’d gotten, but also from the anguish that plagued him. He hoped she didn’t notice too much.

Hana placed a gentle hand on his arm. “I just came to tell you that Liam and Bragnae come back to the palace today. And I thought it’d be nice for us to be there to greet them when they arrive.” As soon as the happy couple was married, Hana stepped in as Bragnae’s Senior Lady-In-Waiting, and she took her role very seriously. “It looks like you could use some time to… freshen up. How about I grab you some coffee, and then you can do what you need to do?”

Hana also grew to be one of Drake’s few friends. She was sweet, caring, talented as hell, and could knock a guy’s block off if she wanted to – even if her confidence told her she couldn’t. Standing at just over five feet tall, he towered over her small frame at his own six and a half feet. She was half-Chinese, half-Cordonian – gorgeous. She’d make any man happy, any man that wasn’t already infatuated with someone else like he was.

He looked into her compassionate, brown eyes that pleaded with him to comply. He hadn’t wanted to leave his room today, except maybe to find something to eat, but he couldn’t say no. Plus, they were coming home today. It wouldn’t look good if Liam’s best friend wasn’t around to welcome him back.

“Sure, Hana. That’d be great. Give me twenty minutes, and I’ll meet you in the dining hall. And I take my coffee black.”

She nodded. “I’ll order some food for you as well. Twenty-minutes, Drake,” she said, pointing at him with a stern look.

He chuckled at her sudden assertiveness. “I promise. Thanks, Hana.”

“You’re welcome, my friend.” He closed the door as soon as she walked off.

Leaning against it, he sighed. Now, he had to do the impossible: prepare himself to face the woman he loved as she hung on the arm of another man. All the while, he had to look presentable as if her marriage to his best friend had not transformed his life, now wrought with despair.

~

An hour or so later, Drake had showered, shaved, and eaten a bigger breakfast than usual. Having a strict diet of whiskey over the past week would surely make a person ravenous. The coffee was strong, just how he liked it, and it gave him the energy he needed to brave the rest of the day. Maxwell and Bertrand had even come in from Ramsford to greet the King and Queen.

Hana had caught them all up with the day’s festivities. They’d have a dinner with the royal couple celebrating their return. Drake grumbled inward – all the royals did was throw parties, it didn’t matter the occasion. He tried to mask his bitterness, but felt like he was failing. His intention wasn’t to snub his best friend and his new wife, but the situation dictated a different response. He felt like an asshole.

His headache had gone away with the coffee and stomach full of food, so after everything was said at breakfast, he excused himself to go back to his room. He had a little over an hour before he was needed in the Grand Hall, so he took some time to clean up his room. The trashcan filled up quickly with the embarrassing amount of empty whiskey bottles. He made his bed, and picked up his floor.

Checking the clock, the cleaning had only taken thirty minutes of his time. He sighed, sitting on his bed, feeling antsy. Normally, when he hadn’t resorted to poisoning his liver with endless whiskey, he would go to the gym to exert his tension, stress or just for the fun of it.

He couldn’t do that now, there wasn’t enough time, and he’d have to shower again. He decided he’d go later. Late night work outs were nice to clear his head before bed, and he’d most likely need it after being forced to be in the same room as Bragnae.

He leaned back, thumbing through his phone. First through social media, then over to a game that could let him escape reality for a bit. His fingers twitched before moving to the other app. What he really wanted to do was look at the few saved pictures of Bragnae he had on his phone.

Some of them were some they took together over the engagement tour, when Liam was still betrothed to Madeleine, and the others were some he’d swiped from her social media. She had modeled in a photoshoot for a friend in New York once, and the second Drake discovered those photos, he was a goner. He’d incorporate them into the background of his phone had it been acceptable, but of course it wasn’t. Still the guy on the outside looking in, he had to hide his desire for her.

Luckily, the game had done its job, and it was time to head to the Grand Hall. Drake slipped his phone into his pocket, and left his room.

When he reached the meeting area, Hana, Maxwell and Bertrand were already in place along with many other servants and guards. Select members of the press too.

“You’re just in time. Their plane landed twenty minutes ago, so they should arrive any minute,” Hana told him. She looked happy, as she should, for their friends’ return. He wished he could be that happy.

Drake acknowledged her, and proceeded to cross his arms over his chest. After a few seconds, he realized the way he stood made him appear unapproachable, so he shook out his arms, and let them rest at his sides. He fidgeted a bit more, feeling uncomfortable.

Loud applause and cheering spread through the room as Liam and Bragnae strolled through the double doors. Camera flashes went off and the crowd swarmed them. Drake and the rest stood in the back allowing the media a chance for their questions and pictures before the palace guards would shoo them off.

After a few minutes, the crowd began to dissipate, and he could now see his friend, the King. Liam wore a polo and shorts, his aviator sunglasses hung on the V-neck of his shirt. He looked relaxed, care free. Why wouldn’t he? He just got to spend the week doing nothing accept his wife. Drake clenched his jaw at the thought.

Finally, the persistent media goons left, allowing Drake full access to look at the new queen. He dreaded this moment just as much as he craved it. No matter how much pain sat in his heart, not seeing Bragnae was worse than seeing her. He missed her – he wasn’t afraid to admit that. She had been such a big part of his life over the past several months, and being away from her for a week was excruciatingly difficult – obviously.

He drew in a sharp breath as he saw her face. She smiled brightly at those around her. Her skin looked tanner than usual, and her long, black hair was tousled in a breezy sort of way. She wore a strappy sundress that extended to the floor, and a long gold necklace, drawing his eye to her impeccable breasts. God, that dress looked great on her.

Drake felt stirrings of arousal hit him suddenly. He wanted to deny them, but they were relentless the more he looked at her. The high slit in her dress gave him all kinds of naughty ideas, and soon he was daydreaming about the things he’d love to do to her. He wasn’t even concerned with anyone else in the room. All that mattered was her.

Liam stepped up to Drake first before greeting the rest. “Hey, buddy. Things been well while we’ve been gone?” He pulled Drake into a bro-hug.

He cleared his throat. “As well as can be expected.” What can anyone expect of a man with a broken and lust-filled heart except that things were all they could be? Unchanging and depressing as fuck.

Liam clapped him on the shoulder. “Good to hear. Looking forward to catching up with you soon.” He quickly moved on to Hana and Maxwell sharing similar greetings.

Drake knew Bragnae was close just by the smell of her sweet perfume. Her scent was intoxicating, both graceful and seductive. It suited her. He watched her traipse over to him with a bright smile. It awakened his heart to see her looking at him like that.

“Your Majesty,” he said with a slight bow and straight face.

Bragnae lifted an eyebrow at him. “Come on, Drake. You don’t have to do that. ‘Bennett’ is just fine.”

“That’s no longer your name.” His responses seemed callous. He didn’t exactly plan on them coming out that way, but it did reflect his mood.

She scoffed. “Fine, Drake. Call me whatever you want.” As she turned to walk away, Drake grabbed her hand. He couldn’t let her leave like that. He had to make it right.

Bragnae snapped her head in the direction of their joined hands before glaring up at him. “What are you—,”

“I’m sorry, Bennett. How was your honeymoon?” He hoped she’d tell him it was terrible, and that she thought of him the whole time, but he knew that wouldn’t happen.

She visibly relaxed, but didn’t pull her hand away. “It was nice. Thank you. How’ve you been?”

“Well enough.” He looked into her amber eyes. She stared right back. He noticed her breathing had quickened, and knew it was a result of holding her hand from the way her gaze dropped to it. She swallowed, trying to hide being flustered, but Drake could see it. He saw everything.

He still affected her with a single touch, even after being a rude asshole to her. He, too, felt the electric current running through his veins stemming from their joined hands. He knew she was experiencing the same thing. Seeing her react that way gave him hope. A hope for what? What would he do with it? He didn’t know just yet, but he had a feeling he’d soon figure it out.

Bragnae cleared her throat and shook off her entranced expression as she gently pulled her hand out of his. “That’s good, Drake. I’ll see you later.”

He nodded, keeping his heated gaze on her. She took a step toward Hana, but looked back at him once more. The end of his mouth curled up into a smirk. Bragnae quickly averted her eyes and focused on Hana instead offering her a warm greeting.

After a week away with her husband, a single touch from Drake still muddled her composure. He decided he would test the waters further telling her what he wanted, and maybe she’d want that too. The night should prove interesting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was good to be back at the palace, even though she already missed her alone time with Liam. After greeting the welcome committee, they went back to their suite to shower and get ready for the dinner with their friends. Liam, as insatiable as he was, caught her before any other clothes could shield her body, and made love to her in their king-sized royal bed. Good to be back, indeed.

Bragnae slipped on a pink, chiffon dress that stopped at her knee, and stepped into a pair of peep-toe heels before her husband escorted her to the Dining Hall.

Everyone was already waiting for them when they walked in the room and took a seat. Liam at the head of the table, and Bragnae to his left. Out of courtesy for their position, their friends waited for them to sit before taking their own seats. Hana sat next to Bragnae, while Drake, Maxwell and Bertrand filled in across from her.

Her eyes flicked over to Drake as he settled in. He was looking particularly handsome today. She didn’t know what it was, but still she tried to ignore that. So, she turned to look at Maxwell, and thought about how nice he looked, and even Bertrand.

Maxwell, the hilarious party-guy she had come to love, was extremely good looking. He styled his hair, in what she considered was purposefully carefree, but he always looked good. He smelled delightful and warm, as a man should, dressed nice, and was toned and fit. Despite all of that, Bragnae had grown to love Maxwell as a brother-figure than anything else, which was probably best as she already had two men, specifically at this table, that she had romantic feelings for.

Bertrand was handsome in his own way. As Maxwell’s older brother, he was the Duke of Ramsford. He had been the indignant man that always gave her a hard time during the Social Season when she wanted to act like her ‘carefree American self’ – his words. Over time, however, he had become something more to her, like an older brother or even father-figure. Raised as an orphan, she was grateful to have him and any of her friends to consider part of her close-knit circle, part of her family.

Drinks had been served, and the servants presented them all with their meals. Everyone started to chat, especially Maxwell with his seemingly endless, but adorable questions about the island they just spent a week on, already making plans for them all to go back.

As she continued to listen and eat her meal, she felt like she was being watched. After taking a bite of the savory pot roast, she looked at Maxwell again before shifting her eyes to Drake. It was him. He was looking at her. But when their gazes met, he didn’t look away. In fact, he made it a point to deepen his stare.

Bragnae had to avert her eyes as a shiver shot down her spine. That was the second time that day one of his looks affected her that way. She took another bite. Maybe he was done staring. Of course, she’d need to check. Looking back in his direction, he had a glass of his favorite libation in his hand, and before he took a drink, his eyes flashed over to her again.

She could feel her heart race. Drake, with his dark eyes, could slay any woman with a single look. Well, so could her husband. But there was something to his smoldering and always brooding expression that made her tingly. She wondered why he was so attentive with her today. Before the wedding, it felt like he did all in his power to avoid her eyes, perhaps so she wouldn’t see the hurt inside him.

But now? He was eyeing her like a predator stalking its prey. Not that she ever felt threated by Drake, but his looks now definitely were intimidating. Mostly because she didn’t know what they meant.

Liam put his hand over hers on the table. Startled, she jumped slightly at his touch.

“Are you okay, Bragnae? Your face is a little red,” Kindly, he lowered his voice to a whisper not to draw the attention of the others, but they all still honed in on her.

Suddenly feeling self-conscious and needing a moment to sort out the mixed emotions running through her head, she stood. “I’m fine. Thank you,” she told him with a soft touch to his arm. “I’m a little warm. I think I’ll go splash some water on my face.”

The men at the table stood, chivalrous as they were, as she left the room. Once she was out of their sight, she headed to the nearest powder room. Closing the door behind her, she walked up to the sink, leaning on the counter as she took a few deep breaths.

She raised her head to see herself in the mirror. She was a bit red in the face. Damn Drake. No matter how hard she tried, he would always get a rise out of her. She shook her head, partly in disgust at herself as well as frustration. How could she move on from him if she saw him every day? He lived at the palace, same as her.

It would have been fine, and easier to deal with had he not started to intentionally capture her attention with his sexy, determined eyes. She put a hand to her chest feeling her heart beat faster than normal. Even her breathing was ragged. That wasn’t good. It was too soon to be around him again. How would she get around this?

Bragnae sat down on a cushioned tuffet she pulled out from under the counter, and gave herself another minute to regain her composure. Then, there was a knock at the door. She sighed. This was how life would be as the queen. She’d never truly be able to escape for a moment alone without someone coming to check on her.

Stubbornly, she let the person knock again before she called out. “I’ll be right there.” She stood, pushing the seat back in its place, and looked herself over once more. Taking another deep breath, she opened the door to see Drake staring down at her.

Her heart rate skyrocketed again. “Drake, what are you doing?”

Without an invitation, he gently pushed his way into the small powder room, closing the door behind him. “Shhh, Bennett. I’m sorry but I’ve got to talk to you.”

He’s got to talk to me? No way. I’m doing the talking. “Why do you keep looking at me at the table like you are?”

The room felt bigger before he was in it. Now, standing over her, crowding her a bit, the room was shrinking. She backed up against the counter, and he continued to step forward. Summoning all her strength, she tried her best to appear confident instead of the reality of her about to melt on the floor in a lustful puddle of herself because of his presence.

“That’s what I want to talk to you about.” He paused to study her for a moment. “I missed you… and I’ve been an idiot. I should have told you this sooner. You’re everything to me. You’re my last thought before I fall asleep, and on my mind immediately when I wake up. I love the way your smile lights up your entire face, I love that you laugh at all my stupid jokes, and I love that you push me to be better — you make me want to be a better man than I was.”

Drake took a small step forward. “I care about you so much, and… I want to be with you. It hurts,” his hands clutched at the fabric of his shirt over his heart, “it physically hurts that I’m not the one you call yours.” He visibly swallowed. “I love you, Benn— Bragnae.”

She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Her eyes frantically searched his for an ounce of humor or sarcasm, but there was none. He was sincere. He was pouring his heart out to her, telling her everything she wanted him to say before, and he chose now to do it. What a nerve. Suddenly she felt hurt and irate.

“How dare you say this to me now? You’ve had plenty of chances to tell me how you feel, and you wait until the day I get back from my honeymoon?” Her voice had raised a bit on that last word. “What is wrong with you, Drake?”

He dropped his hands to his sides again, and straightened his posture. “Plenty. And don’t think I don’t know it. But I’m not going to apologize for telling you this now.”

Surprised by his confidence, she gave him a questioning look. “What am I supposed to do with that? In case you forgot, you can’t be with me. I’m married now. You were there. You saw it.”

Drake stepped even closer to her. Their bodies mere inches apart. “Yeah, I saw it. Do you want to know what else I saw that day – on your face in particular? Longing, desire, maybe some regret – and that was just a few minutes after you said ‘I do’. Today, five minutes after you return from your honeymoon, I saw it all again. But this time there was more. I know you care about me, Bennett, dare I even say that you love me.”

He shifted his weight, looking down in attempt to gather his courage again. “I wouldn’t be telling you this – I wouldn’t be trying to ruin your marriage if I didn’t think you felt the same about me.”

I do, but I can’t allow you to think that. Not when my heart is still in this fragile state. “Well, I don’t.”

“Bullshit.” He narrowed his eyes at her. He had the gall to call her out, and at a time like this?

Unwilling to let him compromise her emotions further, she started for the door. She got it open a crack before Drake’s hand slammed it shut. She turned around to face him. His arm extended against the door, not allowing her to leave.

“What are you doing, Drake?” Anger and shock filled her voice.

His stature exuded confidence, but his face and words showed his vulnerability. “I know why you’re running away, but I can’t let you leave until I get all of this out. It’s… it’s okay if you don’t want to be with me. I know you said what happened in Vegas was a one-time thing. And at the time, I was so desperate to touch you again that I didn’t give a shit about the consequences. And now, it’s haunting me.”

Her expression and voice softened. “I was afraid of that.”

Drake looked deep into her eyes. “The day you got married, I sat in the parking lot trying to figure out whose life I was going to ruin: Liam’s, yours, or mine. I considered leaving Cordonia for good, but I knew that would hurt you. And to be honest, I didn’t think I could survive without seeing you regularly. So, I chose Liam because I just had to have you for myself.”

Bragnae listened intently. He was opening up to her, and she wasn’t going to interrupt.

“I walked into that church, spotted your door, and made my way to you. Before I could get there, Liam stepped out of his room, and told me it was time to go. And it was at that point I realized that Liam deserved to be happy too, and I couldn’t ruin his life by taking you away from him. So, I ruined mine instead.”

She so badly wanted to reach out to touch him, but something held her back.

“Bennett, you will never understand the level of pain and regret I have for letting you slip between my fingers. I know I hurt you. I know I didn’t speak up when I needed to. I know that I have no leg to stand on, but I couldn’t go another day without telling you how I felt.” Drake ran his hand softly down her arm. “I’d give anything to turn back the clocks, and tell you all of this before Liam proposed, but I can’t.”

“No, you can’t.” A lump of emotion welled in her throat. “Please don’t bring this up again. It hurts too much.” She turned away from him, hoping to avoid seeing the agony on his face. After a moment, Drake dropped his hand from the door, and she left the room.

~

Later that evening, Bragnae lay awake in bed next to her peacefully snoozing husband. She couldn’t sleep. Even when she and Liam had sex a few hours ago, she was distracted. Drake’s words had imprinted her mind, and she couldn’t stop thinking about what he said, and how he said it.

She hadn’t seen that kind of passion in Drake, when he was speaking, in… ever. The barrier of his friendship and duty to Liam always shielded whatever emotion he’d hoped to convey.

It was half past midnight. Liam had to leave early in the morning for Lythikos, so she didn’t want to disturb him with her restlessness. She decided she’d get up, and walk around the palace to help clear her thoughts. She threw on a camisole before slipping on a pair of pajama shorts. On her way out of the bedroom, she put on a jacket, zipping it up halfway.

Bragnae shoved her hands in her jacket pockets as she roamed the hallways of the palace thinking about Drake. As much as she wanted to hear those words from him, and as wonderful as they were to hear, she was more upset than infatuated. Why did he have to wait so long to tell her?

He had mentioned he wanted to break up their wedding, but changed his mind at the last second. Thinking about her wedding day, she tried to imagine what she would have done had he found her before Liam interrupted his plan. Would she have run off with him, or would she have denied him? Knowing her heart, and how desperately she wanted to be with him, there was no question.

But what about Liam? He wasn’t just this unbelievably attractive guy who was also a king. He was kind, tender, and loving. Even though it had only been about a week, she enjoyed being married to him. Granted, they were on their honeymoon the entire time, but still. He meant the world to her.

So, Drake corralled her in the bathroom to tell her all the things he should have said before, and expected her to jump right into his arms? She shook her head at the thought. Although, she’d be lying to herself if she said she didn’t want to. It was Drake, after all.

Looking ahead of her, Bragnae saw a bright light coming from a room. As she approached, she recognized it as the palace’s gym. The room had a wall of windows looking into the spacious area. She had only seen the gym in passing, never visited it for its intended purpose.

She looked at the vast array of equipment, cardio machines, weights, other contraptions geared towards different muscles in the body. A brief thought came to mind for her to go in there and work out – try to release the stress and pressure she now felt inside her. But before she could make any plans, she spotted someone.

It was Drake. He wore a black, razorback tank top, and a pair of red athletic shorts. She watched him pick up a set of free weights, forty-five pounds in each hand, as he pulled them up and away from the sides of his torso, putting his impressive wingspan on display. His back was turned to her, so he hadn’t noticed her gawking. Thank God.

The muscles in his arms and shoulders rippled with each repetition. His back glistened from the sweat of his hard work. Bragnae’s heart fluttered in her chest at the sight of him. The strength he possessed made her insides ache. Seeing him now reminded her of the few times his strong hands held her, picked her up, and touched her. She wanted more, but it wasn’t right. Not now. Not ever.

And suddenly she was mad again. Mad that she couldn’t have him. Mad that he waited so long to tell her. Mad that he conflicted her already unstable emotions when he confessed his feelings. Before she could think better of it, she opened the door and stepped inside the gym.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Drake set the weights back down, and squirted water into his mouth before wiping his face with a towel. The melodic tunes of American Classic Rock blared in his ears, helping to motivate his work out. He shook his arms out as he rested in between sets. He’d move up to the fifty pounders next.

As he turned back to the weights, he was startled to see Bragnae walk into his view. Why is she here? For only a moment, he froze up, not sure what to do, but then logic set in. He slowly removed his ear buds, one at a time, and gently tossed the cord over his shoulder.

He continued to stare at her, not wanting to speak first. Not after what happened earlier. Plus, it gave him time to catch his breath, both from the work out and his surprise.

“I couldn’t sleep,” she told him, crossing her arms over her chest.

Drake felt guilty. He knew why. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Well, you should be.” Her tone had taken an unexpected direction, and now the softness of her amber eyes burned with ferocity. It had been a very different reaction from what he witnessed from her earlier.

She’s mad at me? He scoffed. “What? Look, Bennett, I know it was a dick move to surprise you with this information, but I do not regret it. I needed to tell you. No matter your response, you had to know.”

“Drake, I was happy!” Her elevated voice stunned him, but he stood resolute as she continued. “After we made love in Vegas, you kept pushing me away. I knew then it was never going to happen with us. I made peace with that. So, I pushed the thought of you out of my mind, and focused on the other man that I love.”

He heard her emphasis, and his heart swelled at the thought of her loving him – actually loving him. The concept was unfathomable.

“I love him, Drake. I wouldn’t have said ‘yes’ to him if I didn’t.” And just like that, her words cut him deep. Now he had to put up his walls again, so he didn’t get hurt anymore.

“So, what? Did you just come in here to rub that in my face? If you did, you can leave. I’ve already been tormented enough seeing you two together.” He turned away towards the weights, hoping she’d take the hint to go before his heart shattered into a million pieces.

“And whose fault is that?!” She screamed at him.

Drake rounded on her, snapping his attention back to her livid face. Even with her as mad as she was, he still wanted to kiss her. “Mine! I fucking said that earlier!” He fumed, staring down at her. With almost a foot of height over her, she had to tilt her head back just to look at him.

“I need you to hear me right now.” Her voice leveled out again. “I’m in love with you, Drake Walker. And if you would have acted on what you wanted instead of trying not to hurt your best friend, I’d be with you right now. I was prepared to hurt Liam’s feelings because you were worth it.”

She was right. Everything she just said, as hard as it was to hear, was true. He hated himself.

Bragnae lowered her gaze, shaking her head. “And now it’s too late.” She looked back up at him, her eyes glossy. “I’m married to a wonderful man who tells me he loves me every day. I’m the Queen of Cordonia. I just can’t erase that. No matter how much I might want to.”

They looked at each other for another moment, letting the words sink in. This can’t be how it ends. She obviously had feelings for him, and desired him still. If his lack of action before was what kept him from being with her, then he wasn’t going to make that mistake twice.

As Bragnae started to walk away, Drake grabbed her wrist and pulled her to him, kissing her deeply. She protested at first, feeling rigid in his arms, but after another second, she melted against him. Her hands ran across his swollen biceps as she pressed her full lips into him.

She felt amazing in his arms, and even better was her kiss. He could feel the love pouring out of her, and the little moan she released told him she was enjoying the moment as much as he was.

Suddenly, he felt the pressure of her hands pushing against him, and the protests returned. He let go of her as she took a few steps back. Both of them breathing heavily, staring at each other. He waited for her to say something or rush out the door, but she didn’t. She just kept looking at him with hunger in her eyes. And he really wanted to finish that kiss.

He took a step forward, so did she, and soon their lips were locked again in a heated kiss. Their bodies pressed together so tightly, it’d take a crowbar to pry them apart.

Drake wanted her. That much he knew. And he also knew he’d do whatever it took to have her. Against his own desires, he tore himself way from her, gripping both of her arms as he looked into her eyes. He needed her full attention.

“You can still be the queen, and be with me if that’s what you want. If I can’t have you completely to myself, I’ll share you with the king. If that’s what it takes to be with you, then so be it. I need you, Bragnae. I can’t live without you.”

Her eyes fixed on his as she contemplated his suggestion. Even he was surprised by it, but he was past the point of caring. His morals were shot the second he agreed to have the fling with her in Vegas, regardless of Liam’s approval.  And now, he was offering himself to her as someone she could fuck on the side of her marriage.

“I’ve got to go,” she finally said, taking another moment to look at him before she gently pushed herself out of his grasp.

Drake watched her leave the gym, as guilt and pain reentered his heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, Bragnae stood on her toes to kiss Liam by the front entrance. He would be traveling to Lythikos, and wouldn’t return until tomorrow. Whether that was a good or bad thing, she didn’t yet know. With Liam away, she could have time to sort through her thoughts, to find out what she truly wanted. But with him gone, she was afraid that would present a convenient opportunity to explore Drake’s proposal.

“I won’t be gone long, my love. Just an overnighter, and I’ll be back in your arms tomorrow.” He smiled down at her, brushing a strand of hair out of her face.

“I’ll miss you.” She pulled him in for another kiss.

His hand slid down to her curvy tush, giving it a hearty squeeze. “I’ll miss you, too. I’ll call you when I land.” Liam gave another kiss. “Goodbye, my queen. Have fun today.”

She smiled at him as Liam walked out the double doors to his limousine. Heaving a sigh, she turned around to head back to her room. As she walked out of the foyer, she saw Drake standing with his shoulder leaned up against the wall, looking at her. She stopped in her tracks.

Even though he stood several feet away from her, she could see the longing in his expression. She felt it too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He stared at her not moving a muscle. Everything had been laid out on the table. Now, they knew how each of them felt about each other, and Drake had told her he was okay with being the other man. Still not completely proud of his proposition, he was more than willing to move forward despite it. She was worth the risk and everything else involved.

Bragnae reached around her neck and unclasped her pearl necklace, balling it in her left hand. Curious about her peculiar behavior, he watched as she ascended the stairs, dragging the pearls over the polished banister keeping her eyes down and in his direction. His gaze followed her as she reached the top of the stairs, and turned right down a hallway. Before she walked out of sight, she looked right at him, and that’s when he knew.

Drake waited a minute. He pulled out his phone, and pretended to engage with it in case anyone was watching before casually walking up the red carpet-lined stairs. He nonchalantly looked down both hallways before following Bragnae’s trail. With many closed rooms before him, they all looked alike, but only one had a set of glossy pearls hanging from the doorknob.

[argentdandelion]

OneShot: Unfounded Robot Angst

1. Introduction

Contains spoilers for the Solstice run.

In OneShot, Niko, a catlike person, is the prophesized "messiah" of a dying world, foretold to bring the world’s sun (as represented by a lightbulb) to its proper place. Niko is at times helped and hindered in that goal by a mysterious being called The Entity.

During a post-ending expansion, the Solstice run, Niko learns that the world of OneShot is only a simulation of a world that died long ago, a simulation run on something called The World Machine. Three people from the old, copied-over world, the Old Worlders, use the in-universe metaphor of OneShot’s robots to explain that the people of OneShot (outright called “NPCs” twice) exist by, are defined by, and are bound by their programming. On this basis, it is stated or implied they are not “real” (that is, valid individuals), establishing an implicit set of “non-programmed/real” and “programmed/fake”. The notion the characters of the world are not “real” causes turmoil to both Niko and The Entity (the ‘spirit’, or mind, of The World Machine itself).

2. “Do you KNOW what a robot is?”

One of the Old Worlders, Rue (a foxlike being), explains what a robot is through a long speech to Niko. Notably, many of the things she said can be applied, with some subjectivity, to humans.

“A robot is not a real person, is it?[...]It's a being whose entire existence is code. [.]

Humans think, feel, and act by means of neurochemical patterns, a sort of “code” in itself.

Inflexible programming, with thoughts dictated by someone else's design. [.]

Although their exact thoughts aren’t quite dictated by someone else’s design as a normal feature, they cannot help but absorb cultural influences, and one could argue schooling is technically a form of brainwashing/thought control.

They can be copied, they can be mass produced, then can be assigned all sorts of jobs.[.]

Humans can be copied (whether by clones or natural "cloning", the process of identical twin formation) They can be mass-produced: what's to stop multiple twinning in in-vitro fertilization, or mating desired pairs with maximum efficiency and inducing twins or triplets with fertility drugs? Of course, humans can take (or be "assigned") all sorts of jobs.

...And most importantly... they will never confuse themselves with the living.[.]

On the matter of robots “never [confusing] themselves with the living”: Cotard's delusion makes people think that they are dead, and it’s logically possible to induce the same delusion through strong psychological manipulation.

They will always be bound by their code, the knowledge that they are a robot.[.]...but this was more of a limitation than anything else."

Rue doesn’t elaborate on what she means by “bound”. However, if by “bound” she means “limited”, then it still applies to humans. Humans exist as conscious beings through brain activity (or “code”), and, in that sense, they are “bound” to it. Particular pathways or conditions (e.g., brain damage, mental illness) can further constrain, or “bind”, how they feel and think, to some extent. The science of temperaments and the introversion-extroversion axis also illustrates broad, genetically-dictated bounds to behavior and internal states. Although people can certainly act outside their natural preferences (e.g., introverts going to loud parties when necessary to their goals), they will still, if they can, act within their bounded range.

Rue’s phrasing suggests that robots’ “code” by itself grants them knowledge of being a robot, and so binds them. Humans are not aware of the fact they are genetically constricted beings in the same way robots here are aware that they are robots, but they can still learn that they are, in essence, very complicated machines that can be explained mechanistically.

3. Going Beyond Its Code

In the second part of her speech, Rue talks about how a robot can be “tamed”, so allowing its “mental capacity[...] to start to develop outside of its programming.” It’s hard to parse whether she uses the words “code” or “programming” as synonyms; several characters, at times, use the terms as if they are. It’s hard to tell whether characters argue “tame” robots (robots with flexible behavior who are “valid individuals”) are able to bypass the medium of their minds or existences, or simply ignore or modify the particular set of protocols they had when created.

The former interpretation is especially bizarre, because, despite supposedly not “being part of the simulation itself”, the Old Worlders’ existences are, in fact, code, it’s heavily implied all three of them are robots (even the ones that don’t look like it), and the way they talk about Niko being “real” without mentioning themselves as also “real” might mean they don’t count as “real people”.

Crude diagram of how “people” is defined in the world of OneShot.

The Entity (the name for the ‘spirit’ or mind of The World Machine) in any case, regards anyone with a code-based existence, even itself, as “not real”. It thus thinks of Niko as the only “real person”. The Entity was designed with a modified version of Asimov’s Three Laws of Robotics, which replaces “humans” with “people”. While designed (within its “core programming”) to summon a “real person” to run OneShot, doing this put a “real person” in danger for the sake of a world and people it doesn’t consider “real”, causing “conflicts within its code” and turmoil.

4. Oops, Should Have Taken A Philosophy Class

Near the end of the Solstice run, Niko has a long conversation with The Entity, now knowing about its identity as The World Machine which perpetuates the simulation. Over a conversation filled with stress, helplessness and plenty of crying, The Entity says it cannot “go outside its code” because it is not “tame”. However, with Niko’s help, it realizes it was tame all along. (Or, at least, became tame due to Niko and the player of the game, over the course of the first route.) Niko argues that the characters knowing what to do in the glitched-up Solstice run, despite it not being in The Entity’s world protocol/programming, shows that they are ‘real’, and since they’re extensions of The Entity/The World Machine, The Entity must be a real person, too. Though The Entity never explicitly admits to being ‘real’, it is still able to write in the lost happy ending of the story of OneShot into itself, by itself.

It’s important to note Niko is 8-12 years old and canonically doesn’t know much about robots, while The Entity has a limited ability to interact with others, limited information from outside the simulation, and would probably discount information from people it didn’t consider “real” anyway. Still, had either Niko or The World Machine better understood the similarities between humans and robots, or had more closely investigated the concept of being a ‘real person’, they could have saved a lot of emotional stress and gotten a resolution much earlier in the plot.

If the reader enjoyed this article, the reader may be pleased to know this article's author has a Patreon and Ko-Fi account.

[gwentoryfics]

Hot for Teacher, Part 2.

REPOSTED FROM MY ORIGINAL BLOG, GWENTORY.

Genre | College Student x College Professor Smut AU

Pairing | Hongseok x Reader x Hyunggu (Kino)

Words | 12k

Summary | You never realized how much one drunken night could color the rest of your college experience until you discover that the handsome stranger from your cousin’s wedding is also the new professor at your university.

Warnings | Swearing. Needlessly sexist and traditional parents. Plenty of angst to go around. Explicit smut. Fingering. Oral (female receiving). Playlist includes songs with explicit lyrics.

Parts | 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • More Coming Soon AO3 | 1 • 2

Playlist | Spotify • Youtube

Note | Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays, my little peaches! Thank you for all of your kind words regarding this series, and thank you for your patience as I worked to put this together. Lots of life changes happened in the last few months, including moving to another state and adopting a pup (who is yet to be housebroken). I’ve been very busy, but I’m thrilled to finally update! Oh, and pro tip: I will only ever post fics & asks on this blog, so please feel free to turn on notifications to make sure you don’t miss Part 3!

On Monday night, you get to R&B Ensemble rehearsal ten minutes early to make sure you have time to warm up a bit on your own. A handful of students are already in the room, and you spot Kino chatting with a girl, whom you assume to be another vocalist. He waves as you walk by, and you wave back. Boy, he's got cheekbones for days.

Tucked back by the keyboard is the bassist with his long limbs and brooding aura, a face that is somewhat familiar to you - you can't quite place it, though. He has a sharp jawline and mussed up hair, a leather jacket thrown over the back of his chair. He fiddles with his amp before plucking out a funky bass groove, completely in his own world.

You walk in his direction, heading for the keyboard and shooting out a simple greeting as you take your seat. "Hey."

He glances up, nodding once in response before returning his attention to his instrument. He must not be much of a talker, which is fine by you. You flip on the keyboard and begin cycling through scales and modes to get your fingers warm, sure to keep the volume low so as not to disturb your new bandmates. As you move onto some arpeggiated jazz chords, you notice a tall, loud presence burst in through the door.

"Ayyyyy!" Wooseok Jung calls out, startling the poor girl that had entered right in front of him. He drops his headphones so they hang around his neck, and he chucks his drumsticks right past you, where one hits the sound-proofed wall and the other bounces off the bassist's chest with a dull thud.

"Damn it, Wooseok, you piece of shit." The bassist hurls the stick right back at him, and Wooseok catches it effortlessly.

"My man, Yuto. I didn't know you were in on this." Wooseok traipses over to your corner of the room, goofy grin on his face. He holds a fist out for you to pound. "Hey girl, what's up."

"Hey, good to see you." You bump fists. You had a class with Wooseok last year - first level aural skills - and although you wouldn't exactly call him a friend, it seems you both remember each other.

"Have a good summer?" He asks you as he takes a seat at the drum kit, sticks spinning between his fingers. You may never know how he fits all of that leg behind the drums.

You nod. "I worked all summer at the record store in my hometown, and that was a blast. Did a couple gigs at some open mics, too. You?"

"Ah, nice!" Wooseok clicks the sticks against the rim of the snare drum. Come to think of it, you haven't realized until today that he's a drummer. It makes sense, though, considering the fact that he was always tapping rhythms on the desk in your previous class. "I was up here taking summer classes. I tell you what, music theory is not my friend. I can't read clefs for shit. Give me the most intricate rhythms you can find and I can handle that, no problem. But give me a set of pitches and a marimba and I'm lost. I don't know how you do it."

You laugh with a short shrug, dramatically tossing your hair over your shoulder. "Just my natural talent, I guess."

A grin splits across Wooseok's face, cute and genuine. "Well aren't you a lucky little duck." The warmth of his smile makes you blush, and you have to look away from him.

He’s right, though; you definitely got lucky with your musical skills. Your parents started you in piano lessons at a young age, so you started reading music right around the same time you started reading words. It's second nature to you now.

A thought occurs to you, and you meet his eyes again. "You know, I could help you with theory if you want."

"Really?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Dude, you would be a lifesaver. That would be awesome." Wooseok breathes a sigh of relief. "And in exchange, I can… teach you about drumming or something, I don’t know. I’ll owe you. Whatever you want."

Sounds fair to you. You give him a sharp nod. "Deal."

"Deal," he agrees, shooting you another brief smile before turning to Yuto. “Yo, Yuto. Throw down a line. Let’s jam.”

"Throw down a line?" Yuto immediately questions Wooseok's choice of words, eyeing the drummer critically.

"Yeah, a bass line. Hit me with it."

"Who talks like that?" Yuto mumbles the question rhetorically and starts plucking out a groove. Once his rhythm and tempo is established, Wooseok comes in with a simple drumbeat to keep it moving.

You don't know much about bass, but you know the pitch of the strings and you understand that each fret marks a half step (thank you, music theory). It takes you a minute, but you’re able to determine that he's in the key of D. You start plunking out some chords until you fall into the pocket of the groove, finally finding the correct chord progression.

"What key?" A girl on the other side of the room asks, slipping the strap of her electric guitar over her shoulder.

You start calling out chord names as you work through the progression until it seems she's got the hang of it, and then you improvise, letting your fingers follow the melodies in your head.

This is it. This is your absolute most favorite thing in the whole world. Surrounding yourself in music, collaborating and creating, expressing your spirit through the piano- er, keyboard. Riding the waves of jazz and soul and R&B gives joy to your life in a way that nothing else can. This feeling is what you live for.

Mid-jam, the teacher comes strolling in, and she grooves the whole way from the door to the front of the room, looking absolutely elated at the impromptu music you’ve all created. Wooseok calls out a five, six, seven, and... to signal everyone to stop at the end of the phrase, and the teacher claps a little too enthusiastically.

"Oh. My goodness." She beams. "I think this is going to be a fabulous semester."

After rehearsal, you catch up to Kino as he tucks his sheet music into his backpack. The long hair on top of his head falls in his eyes, but it could never hide those cheekbones.

"I had no idea you could sing like that. That Bruno song is perfect for you!" You stand next to him, and he looks up from his seat with a wide smile. You mean every word; his voice absolutely blew you away. He especially stands out in the group because he's the only male vocalist this semester, but there's something special about the quality of his voice that gives you goosebumps when he sings.

"Thank you! I'm really excited about it. I love Bruno Mars." He grins, glowing. "And what about you? It's like the keys are part of your soul. You're really freaking good, you know that?"

"Thank you, Hyunggu." You emphasize his birth name, which the teacher had brought to your attention during roll call.

Kino rolls his eyes, smile suddenly gone from his lips. "I don't like that name."

"Sorry," you laugh quietly. "Why Kino, then? If you don't mind me asking."

"I picked it for myself. It's like... a stage name." He stands, gathering his things. "I kind of wanted a fresh start for college, so I'm reinventing myself, I guess."

"I can respect that." As the two of you head for the door, you turn back over your shoulder and call out to the friendly giant to confirm the plans you had made. "Wooseok, see you Thursday, yeah?"

The tall drummer points his sticks at you, shooting another charming smile your way. "Thursday."

When you're out of the room, Kino asks, "Are you friends with him?"

"Not exactly? I'm going to tutor him in music theory."

Kino hums quietly. "He seems like a handful."

"He does, doesn't he," you laugh. "We'll see how it goes."

The two of you wave goodnight to the security guard in the lobby of the music building before heading out into the illuminated city. A slow smile touches your lips as you look around.

Moving here for university has been one of the biggest adventures of your life. Up until you began school last year, you had never spent much time in such a large city. It’s clear to you now that this is where you’re meant to be; the city energizes you, awakens your senses, and opens up creative doorways you never realized existed. You’ve never felt so true to yourself, so connected to your surroundings.

Everything here had been so perfect until Professor Yang showed up. You feel your smile fade. If he taught at literally any other university, it would be no problem at all. You could look back fondly on your night together instead of labeling it The Biggest Mistake Of Your Life.

There’s really no point in getting worked up about it, though. Maybe it won’t be a big deal after all. Maybe you’ll talk to him tomorrow, just like Minseo wants you to, and it’ll all be fine. Or you could just ignore each other the whole semester - that might work. You’ll just silently drool over him from your spot at the back of the classroom, trying not to be distracted by the naked memory of him while you take notes. If only he hadn’t been your professor…

If you had crossed paths again under any other circumstances, you would undoubtedly chase down the chance to sleep with him again. Although you are skeptical of your ability to seduce him while sober, you want nothing more than to relive that night with him over and over. Hell, you might even go on a proper date with him, if he asked you.

The thought makes your cheeks burn. You’ve got it bad.

In the end, it’s all just a fantasy. You’ll never sleep with him again, you’ll never go on a date. He’s your professor, and you are his student. Even if you weren’t taking his class, it would be inappropriate to be involved in any sort of romantic capacity. There’s no way that you can be together, and that’s that.

You hate that you actually feel sad about it.

“Whoa!” Kino’s hand grabs your elbow, yanking you back onto the sidewalk as you start to cross the street, too distracted to notice the oncoming traffic. “Be careful!”

You’re snapped back into the present, watching as a taxi flies by. It would have easily taken you out if you had continued walking. You really need to stop thinking about Professor Yang before you get yourself hurt.

“Are you alright?” Kino’s voice is tight with concern as he holds onto your arm.

You force your smile. “Yeah, sorry. I was just in my head about some things. I promise I’m not usually so distracted while walking.”

His hand lingers on your arm for a moment as he scans your face, and the corner of his mouth lifts as he lets you go. “I sure hope you’re not or you’re going to be in trouble without me around.”

The light changes, and you both safely step into the crosswalk. “But you know, if I got hit by a car, I could probably sue for enough money to cover my student loans,” you joke.

“Only if the driver is at fault,” Kino is quick to correct you. “If you’re the one that causes the accident, you can’t get any money from it. But nice try.”

“Damn. There’s never an easy solution.”

“Truth.” He chuckles. “Maybe we should have gone to business school or medical school to get a degree that would actually give us financial security.”

With a groan, you roll your eyes. That sentiment is all too familiar. “You sound like my parents.”

“Mine, too.” Kino sighed. “They wanted me to be a doctor. Yours?”

“Secretary to a CEO. What kind of sexist bullshit is that?” You frown. “My family is very traditional in the sense that they believe men should be in charge, whether it’s in business or in the family. Women are just there to assist.”

“Wow. That’s unbelievable.” Kino turns to you as you wait to cross another street. “I mean, you don’t seem like you would want to be a CEO, considering your obvious passion for music, but I think you’re definitely capable if you worked for it.”

His sincere encouragement brings a genuine smile to your face. “Thanks, Kino. That really means a lot to me.”

“You’re welcome.” His cheekbones pop out as he grins. “I’m sure your parents will come around eventually.”

“I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. I mean, the whole secretary thing was already an improvement from their original wish for me.”

“Which was…?”

“Farmer’s wife.”

“What?” Kino burst into laughter. “That’s impossible to imagine.”

“Well I grew up on a farm, so it’s not that big of a stretch.”

“Really?”

You nod, safely crossing the street as the light changes. “Yeah. I’m from a really small town a few hours south of here. My family runs a wheat farm. My mom taught me how to cook and sew and everything, as if we were living in the nineteen-fifties. They didn’t even want me to get a degree at first because they thought it was unnecessary.”

“So how did you end up here?”

“I begged and pleaded until they finally caved. I asked for a chance to pursue something I really love. This is my one shot, so I really have to give it my all. I don’t think they’ll give me another chance. If I screw this up, they’ll probably try to marry me off to the neighbor boy or something.”

“We can’t have that.” Kino’s sweet smile radiates as he looks over at you. “I’m rooting for you, _____.”

Your chest fills with warmth. You’re so thankful to have made friends at school that are supportive of your dreams, and you’re glad to find that same support in Kino. “And I for you.”

Together, you veer off to the left, away from the glittering skyline of the city. You ask, “So where are you from? Is your family nearby?”

“Very near, actually.” He gestures vaguely south. “I grew up on the south side.”

"Ah." You hide your frown, but your curt response gives you away. You've heard all kinds of rotten things about the gang-related violence of the south side, and you can't imagine someone like Kino surviving in that kind of environment.

"It's not as terrible and dangerous as you probably think. It's got a bad reputation, but it's not all rotten."

You just nod. "So, wait, do you still live there? Aren't you headed the wrong way?"

With a shake of his head, he replies, "No, I'm living on campus, at Plymouth. Part of my whole fresh start, you know? Had to get out of the house and experience living on my own for a while."

Plymouth is across the street from your own dorm. "I'm at Turner!"

“We’re basically neighbors,” Kino comments.

As your buildings start to come into view, you realize how close they actually are. And how your room actually has a very direct view of Plymouth.

“Please tell me you don’t live on the east side of the building.”

“I do, actually. Why?”

You laugh. “I’m going to have to start closing my blinds whenever I get dressed.”

His eyes grow wide. “Have you been giving my whole dorm a peep show for the last week?”

“Maybe?” You cover your face with your hands as you continue to laugh, embarrassed. This summer’s sexual awakening may have persuaded you to live a bit more adventurously… Is Kino blushing?

“Don’t worry, I never noticed.” He spoke softly. “So don’t feel uncomfortable.”

“Okay,” you murmur with a quiet chuckle, surprised that you’re not terribly concerned with what he may or may not have seen so far. You turn the corner, headed for the entrance to Turner Hall, and Kino keeps up with you.

"Oh, hey, I was wondering..." He starts, pulling his cell phone out of his pocket. "Since we're in a lot of classes together this semester, maybe we could swap phone numbers? You know, in case either of us wants help with homework, or is going to miss class or something."

"Good idea!" You agree, pulling up in front of the building's entrance. You fish your own phone from your backpack and bring up the 'New Contact' screen before swapping phones with him. Once you've traded numbers, you pocket your phone. "Well, city boy, I'm gonna head inside now. I'll see you later?"

He nods, waving as he backs away. "See you, farm girl."

You watch as he crosses the street, heading for Plymouth. Something about him makes you feel at ease, and you have a feeling you'll end up spending quite a bit of time getting to know him this semester. With all of the classes you share, you're going to see him nearly every day of the week, and he seems pretty eager to be your friend. You wouldn't mind that.

Turning to head inside, you fish your room key out of your wallet, swiping it at the security desk as you pass by. As you call the elevator, a familiar dark figure appears in your peripheral.

You turn to greet him as the elevator door opens. "Hey, Yuto."

He nods silently, and you both file into the elevator.

"I didn't realize we live in the same building."  You press floor nine and wait for him to make his selection, but he doesn't budge. "...Or the same floor?"

"Small world," he murmurs quietly, seemingly unfazed.

An uncomfortably awkward silence fills the small elevator, and you absentmindedly toy with the strap of your backpack as you search for something to talk about. "Are you excited about our set list?"

He shrugs so minutely you hardly even notice. "We've got some good music."

It doesn't really seem like he wants to talk to you, and you're not one to push him into a conversation, even though it's painfully awkward. You just hum quietly and let it be.

The door glides open, and you both head left down the hallway. He stops at the door directly across the hall from yours. Without a word, he disappears into his room.

How neighborly.

"Minseo, I'm freaking out." You paced in the small hotel room you had both chipped in on, just a floor above your destination for the night. "Am I seriously going to do this?"

"Relax, would you?" She sat calmly atop the queen sized bed, watching as you almost lost your balance from turning too quickly. "It's not like this is your first time."

"But it's my first time with a random guy. Can I even do that?" You froze in place. "Am I even allowed to do that?"

"_____! Of course you're allowed! You're an adult!" Minseo sprung up from the bed and grabbed you by the shoulders. "There is nothing wrong with you going downstairs and sleeping with a man you just met. If that's something you want to do, then I fully support it. You should let yourself have some fun."

You let out a small, frustrated whine. "I want to. Sweet baby Jesus, I want to."

Her hands moved up to cup your face. "Okay. You're gonna be fine."

Nodding, you exhaled slowly. "I'm an adult. I can do this."

"Yes! That's the spirit." She patted your cheeks before turning you around and walking you towards the bathroom. "Now go jump in the shower."

"Shower?"

"You don't want to show up all sweaty, do you?"

"Am I sweaty?"

"Go freshen up." She pushed you into the small bathroom. "But don't get your hair wet. Just make sure you're clean down there."

Your eyes widened and you realized she was right - it wasn't a bad idea to shower for the sake of below-the-belt cleanliness. "Okay."

"Good girl. Try not to fall over in there." Minseo encouraged you as she shut the door.

Five minutes and one off-key ‘I Wanna Dance With Somebody’ shower concert later, you emerged from the bathroom a new woman. You felt as fresh as you smelled, and the steam from the shower had helped clear your mind a bit - but not everything was perfect.

Wrapped in a towel, you held your dress and underwear in your hand, and a pout crept onto your face. "Minseooooooo."

"What's wrong, dear?"

"I'm clean, but my clothes aren't."

She pried her eyes from the television, which was playing some trashy reality show, and she gestured for you to come towards her. "Let me see the dress." You handed it to her and she looked it over, sniffing it here and there. "I mean, it's not like dry-cleaners fresh, but it doesn't reek. There's not much you can do about that anyway, since we obviously didn't pack a change of clothes."

You pursed your lips. "I guess you're right."

"Nix the underwear, though."

"What?" Your cheeks flamed. "No underwear?"

"You heard me." She plucked the panties from your hand and tossed them over her shoulder into the corner of the room. "You'll feel gross putting dirty underwear on after you've showered, right? And besides, he'll think it's super hot that you're commando."

"Or he'll think I'm a slut. What if he likes nice girls that enjoy wearing underwear? Hm?"

"Honey, he wouldn't have invited you to his room if he wanted a nice girl who likes underwear." Minseo took your hand affectionately. "It’s okay to be slutty."

You furrowed your brow at her for a moment before a sly smile touched your lips and you let out a small giggle. "Am I turning into a slut?"

"Only if you want to, dear."

"I might want to. I might want to be a slut for Hongseok." You burst into a ball of laughter, absolutely giddy.

"Alright." Minseo laughed too, handing you back your dress. "Put this back on and get ready to slut it up."

By the time you and Shinhye enter the science building on Tuesday morning, you've almost entirely rid yourself of the dread gurgling low in your gut at the thought of seeing him. You tell yourself that it's just another class, he's just another teacher, and you will survive this. Sipping at the coffee Shinhye insisted on stopping for, you do your best to keep a level head.

Minseo’s advice rings in your ears. Tell him that you’re not going to say anything about what happened. Tell him that you want him to treat you normally. That’s what you want, right?

When you had called her last week, she had easily convinced you that talking to him about the whole situation would be a good idea. But now that the day of confrontation has arrived, you’re simply too chicken to even consider saying a word. Besides, you weren't entirely sure how coherently you'd be able to talk to him while sober, given the fact that you still swoon a little every time you look at him.

When you step into the classroom, you hardly glance in Professor Yang's direction. He's seated at the desk, typing away on his laptop. You focus on your seat at the back of the room, preparing for another few hours of being ignored, but before you can make it too far you hear him call your name.

"_____."

The sound sends a delicious ripple through your limbs, and you turn your head at a sloth's pace, afraid to make eye contact. He casually waves you over to his desk, as if it's no big deal that he just acknowledged you and that he wants you to come over so you can presumably talk one on one.

Shinhye continues on to her seat after giving you a curious look, and you turn back, making your way over to Professor Yang. He's fixated on his computer as you walk over, but he glances up at you ever so briefly when you reach his desk.

His voice is low as he acknowledges you. "Stop by my office after class. I think we need to talk."

A lump fills your throat and you're unable to speak. You really aren’t able to avoid it after all.

He peeks up at you again, probably curious because of your lack of verbal response, so you nod. He picks up a stack of papers and hands them to you. "Please pass these out to your classmates."

You take the packets - it's today's lab paperwork. He gestures to the rest of the class as if to say well, go on then, and you frown. You don't expect him to be friendly with you, but frankly he's coming across kind of rude and bossy, and that doesn't sit well with you. Begrudgingly, you do as he asks and distribute the packets.

When you return to your seat, Shinhye is quick to ask, "What was that about?"

"He just wanted help passing stuff out." Not totally a lie.

"I didn't realize you were such a teacher's pet," she teases.

"I'm not a teacher's pet. He asked me, so what could I do? It's not like I begged him to let me help."

"Whoa, relax. It's just a joke." Shinhye chuckled, adjusting the circular frames that rest on her nose. "It's not like you to be so uptight."

You take a deep breath, getting your head on straight. You need to be normal around Shinhye. With a plastered on smirk, you tease back. "That's your job, right?"

Shinhye purses her lips, but you can see the smile in her eyes. You laugh.

"Aw, come on, I love youuuuu."

"Yeah, yeah," she brushes off your affections, pushing you away when you lean in to coo over her. "Love you, too."

You smile. You may have to keep her in the dark, but her friendship will surely be one of the only things that can keep you sane through the rest of the semester.

It took a solid five minutes of pacing in front of his hotel room door before you finally worked up the courage to knock. Your stomach twisted in knots as you rapped your knuckles against the wood, checking for the thousandth time that the little door number definitely said 417.

You were really doing it. You were really getting ready to probably sleep with someone you just met. You had never done anything like that before, but it was about time you grew up and had a sense of adventure, right?

Any semblance of confidence you had slowly started to fade as you realized the door was not opening. Had you waited too long to come over? Was he already asleep? Were you at the wrong room altogether? Had he intentionally given you the wrong number? Why would he do that?

You tried knocking once more, but still no one answered. Disappointment swelled in your chest, tugging at your heart - you were surprised by how much you cared. He was just some guy, anyway. But it hurt to think that you may have just been rejected. After all, the fear of rejection had kept you from approaching him in the first place.

After another minute of waiting, you decided that you needed to move on. He wasn't going to answer the door. You headed for the stairwell, resigning yourself to a night with Minseo instead.

As you reached for the door to the stairs, the elevator next to you opened and a loud group of people spilled out. You assumed they were all coming up from the wedding, judging by their attire. And to your delight, one of the last people off the elevator was exactly the gorgeous man you had been waiting for.

You met Hongseok's eyes, a slow smile stretching across your lips. Perhaps not all hope for the night was lost.

He slid his hands into his pockets with a coy smile, his tux jacket draped over his arm. "Going somewhere?"

"I thought you gave me a phony room number," you confessed, tongue lazily forming the words. Wow, you definitely drank more than you should have.

"I would have to be crazy to do that to you." His gaze traveled down your figure, lingering on the hand that gripped the door handle. "Still want to come over?"

Nodding, you tried your best to contain your nervousness and look cool as you released the handle, letting the door close quietly.

He cocked his head in the direction of his room, a relaxed smirk on his lips. "Let's go, then."

You followed him back to room 417, and he opened the door, stepping aside to let you in first. Despite the wave of nervousness that washed over you, you felt ready. Eager, even. You let your hand casually brush against his leg as you slip into the room, desperate to touch him again.

His hand darted out to capture yours - rough skin but a gentle touch. Your feet froze and you turned back to meet his piercing gaze, your heart suddenly pounding in your chest as the door closed behind him.

What should you do? How did hook-ups usually work? Chat first and then work your way up to the main event, or just dive in head first? You were clueless. You knew that you wanted to rip that damn shirt off of him, to press yourself against him and get lost in the feel of his skin. But you didn't want to be too forward and make things uncomfortable.

Taking his time, Hongseok approached you slowly, smoothing your hair and lifting your chin with his knuckle, fingers still wrapped around your wrist. Heat blossomed in your core as you looked up at him, thinking he might just go for it and kiss you. Maybe he was as impatient as you felt. Maybe he needed to have you, too.

He leaned in, but he didn't aim for your lips. He targeted your ear, murmuring softly and tickling you with his breath. "You're cute."

Warmth spread rapidly across your cheeks and you quietly stuttered, "Th-thank you."

But it was just a tease, hardly even a taste of how it felt to be close to him. He backed away, pulling you a bit deeper into the room before releasing your hand. "Mind if I play some music?"

You shook your head carefully, resisting the urge to take his hand back. "Not at all."

As he fished out his cell phone and plugged it into the speakers that sat on the desk, you looked around the room and took a seat at the edge of the bed. It wasn't a particularly fancy hotel, so the room was pretty basic. Just a standard queen size hotel bed, a dresser, TV, and a nightstand on either side of the bed - pretty much identical to the room you and Minseo reserved upstairs. An open gym bag sat on the floor, which you assumed he was using for his overnight stay.

"You said you like Marvin Gaye, right?" He typed into his phone, smiling to himself.

His song selection started playing, and you immediately recognized the first few notes as the opening to ‘Let's Get It On’. You couldn't help but laugh because of the cheesy song choice, hoping that he wasn't seriously trying to set the mood with that one. "Really? 'Let's Get It On'?"

He laughed at your critical reaction, sweet eyes crinkling at the corners. "Too forward?"

"You think?" You kicked your legs, too short to reach the floor from where you sat. "Try again."

"I'll admit, my knowledge of old school R&B is not what it should be. I'm more of an old rock fan." He scrolled through his phone in search of a better song choice.

You jumped up from the bed and strolled over to him, accidentally bumping against his arm as you plucked the phone from his hands. He felt warm and he smelled delicious, so you didn't make an effort to move away. Your brain was too fuzzy to care about personal space.

"Let me play you something. If you want sexy music, I know sexy music," you drawled, searching for the specific track that you had in mind. Hongseok slid his hands into his pockets, letting you do as you pleased. He didn't back away either, so you assumed he didn't mind the close proximity.

Finally, you found the song despite the many typos in your search: 'Tell Me Something Good' by Rufus, featuring Chaka Khan. You played it, and your hips instinctively started rolling when the funk guitar started. "Usually people think of R&B as being the sexiest music, but funk is highly overlooked and underrated."

When the vocals came in, you held his phone up to your mouth like a microphone and sang along, backing away from him to roll your body and put on a show. It briefly crossed your mind that you would never normally act that way. That was exactly the type of idiocy you were trying to avoid by dodging Hongseok earlier in the night. But at the end of the day you loved yourself some karaoke when you were drunk. You couldn't help but sing along, even if you sounded terrible.

"Hey!" Hongseok called after you with a chuckle, reaching for his phone as you danced away from him. He successfully grabbed it from you, preventing you from disconnecting it from the aux cord.

Never mind the lack of microphone; it just freed up your hands to run down your body, over your curves as you sang. "You refuse to put anything before your pride / What I got will knock all your pride aside..."

He watched you intently, a slight smirk on his lips. Maybe you didn't look as ridiculous as you thought you did. Or maybe he was just drunk enough to be into it.

You reached for his tie, pulling him towards you as you kept singing. "Tell me something good / Tell me that you love me, yeah..."

"But I hardly know you," he remarked, hands finding your hips.

With a fluttering of your eyelashes, you responded teasingly, "Oh, you don't believe in love at first sight?"

"I do," he smiled down at you, thumbs digging into your hips. "But only because I saw the way you looked at me and I knew you had fallen head over heels."

"Cocky piece of shit," you laughed, throwing your arms over Hongseok's shoulders as you danced together. "The thing is, though, you're not exactly wrong. I mean, you got me to show up here, which would have been impossible for anyone else."

"And I didn't even have to try. Look at you," Hongseok scanned your face, and you knew you must have looked like a girl in love. He was beautiful and you couldn't help your adoration. "You're in deep."

You let out a dramatic sigh. "What ever shall we do? I'm a lost cause."

"You may not be the only one."

There was something unbearably warm in his eyes as he said it, and it made your pulse race. He obviously didn't mean it; he's no more in love with you than you are with him. It was impossible that either one of you felt love for the other. It could only be blamed on lust, an inexplicable attraction between the two of you that left you weak in the knees with craving. But even so, it was fun to play pretend.

His breath gently rippled across your face. "You know, I was actually surprised to see you when I got off the elevator."

"Really?”

"It just seemed like you might talk yourself out of it."

"Well, I did. That's why I was at the stairwell," you admitted with a laugh.

Hongseok’s hands wandered over your ribs and across your back as he pulled you in closer. "Because you didn't want to see me?"

"Because you weren't there." You felt your cheeks growing warm, but you forced yourself to hold his gaze. "I was disappointed because I thought I wouldn't get to, you know, see you tonight. But I wanted to. Want to," you corrected yourself. "I do."

"I promise," he murmured, lips curling into a mischievous smile, "you won't regret it."

After class, you make an excuse to Shinhye about how you need to visit with an advisor in the building so that she would leave without you. She is completely unassuming as she accepts your excuse, and you feel a pang of guilt for lying to her. You'll make it up to her soon; you promise that much to yourself.

You easily locate Professor Yang's office, and you're surprised that you feel the familiar nervous butterflies in your stomach as you knock on the wooden door. It's so similar to the night you spent with him, even though now you're meeting under completely different circumstances.

But just like that night, the door doesn't open, and you have to wait for him to show. You lean against the wall, trying to steady your breathing and calm your racing heart. There's nothing for you to even be antsy about; you're just anxious about what he'll have to say. He'll probably just tell you exactly what you want to tell him - that you should both pretend nothing happened, and carry on as usual. Fingers crossed that you'll both be on the same page and there won't be much discussion.

As you stand there waiting, you start to ponder other possibilities. Surely he's not going to make some sort of proposition? What if he wants to sleep with you again, but this time with the risk of getting caught? He did ask you to meet him in his very private office… maybe he didn’t intend to talk at all.

He’d unlock the door and let you inside, casual as could be. But as soon as the door would shut, he’d grab you by the hand and throw you back against it, trapping you between the wood and his heat. His lips would crash into yours as if he has hungered for you since that night, his hands rushing to feel the skin that hides beneath your clothes. You’d wrap a leg around his hip, desperate to feel the friction of his bulge against your core.

You’d beg him to take you then and there: against the door, on his desk, down on the floor. As long as you could have him again, that’s all that would matter.

The thought of it makes your heart race and your mouth dry up, but you squash the fantasy before you can convince yourself that it’s a good idea. As exciting as it may be to think about, you know better this time. You're not going to sleep with him again. And if he has any sense, he'll stay the hell away from you.

Professor Yang eventually appears in the hallway, and you stand up a little straighter, hyper-aware of every inch of space between the two of you. He looked great, of course, with his collared shirt that had a single button undone at his throat and his hair swept up to the side. But you will not sleep with him.

He barely even greets you before unlocking the door and heading in first. You follow him, and he instructs you to close the door behind you. He doesn’t turn to you, doesn’t grab you or kiss you. That’s a good thing. That’s for the best.

You take a seat across from him at his desk. His office is small and scarcely decorated, with only an acoustic guitar propped up in the corner of the room. The deep mahogany finish is gorgeous, and you wonder if it’s an instrument that Professor Yang made by hand.

He relaxes back into his chair, hand covering his mouth as he looks at you. And he really looks at you, long and hard, as though he's trying to peer deep into your heart. It's incredibly nerve-wracking to be looked at in such a scrutinizing way, especially considering that he's hardly even glanced at you until now.

"What are the odds..." He mumbles quietly.

You realize that he still hasn't quite accepted the situation the two of you are in, and that makes you feel a little less alone. "I had no idea this would happen."

A line forms between his eyebrows, hand falling from his mouth. "You want me to believe that?"

You give him a similarly cynical look. "Excuse me?"

He sits up, anger evident in his piercing gaze. "You must have known! So why did you do it? Because you thought I'd give you a better grade this semester? That I'd be easier on you?"

Taken aback by his accusations, your jaw drops. "What? That's ridiculous! I would never-"

"Please, don't try to act all innocent. I can see right through it."

"I didn't know! How could-"

"Come on. You don't recognize me from any of last year's convocations? You had to have been there to hear me introduce my class."

Who the hell does this guy think he is? To sit there and accuse you of something so... so slimy and then refuse to hear you out! You won't stand for it, even if his commanding tone does send a shock of tingling adrenaline straight to your core.

He may still be the most attractive man you've ever seen, and you may still be feeling flustered by being in the same room as him... but regardless of those things, you can't let him walk all over you like this. He could do whatever he wanted to you at the hotel, but not here. This is real life, not a one night stand.

Every ounce of shyness within you disintegrates as you grit your teeth, preparing to defend yourself. "I am not that kind of girl. I am an intelligent and hard-working student, and I would never do something so disgusting.”

He starts to say something, and you rise to your feet, not yet finished. “Don't interrupt me again. I never saw you at last year’s convocations because I had to miss almost all of them for personal reasons. Those absences were all approved by the music office, if you feel so inclined to verify with them. And I don't know what on Earth makes you think this is all something that I set up - if you'll remember, I very clearly did my best to avoid you at the wedding. You were the one that approached me, not the other way around. Don't get that skewed. This is all your doing."

Professor Yang doesn't look too eager to ease up. "You were playing hard to get."

"I was trying to keep my sanity!" You lean over his desk, infuriated by the argument. "I couldn't think straight around you, you're so fucking attractive, Jesus Christ."

You cringe when you realize you've lost your filter. You did not mean to say that- not out loud, not to him.

He just sits there, quietly watching you with that same empty expression you've seen from him all week. He clenches his fist tightly around a pen, and you feel yourself deflate the longer he looks at you. But you don't sit down, telling yourself to stay strong and stand your ground.

Eventually he speaks up, and his voice is even as he says, "I think it would be best for you to drop my class."

"No."

"I urge you to reconsider."

"Absolutely not." You feel a surge of pride in yourself for standing up to him. "This is not how you do your job, Professor. You don't get to bully me out of your class just because you don't want me there. I signed up for your class and I intend to see it through to the end. And if you treat me unfairly, I will report you."

"You won't," he answers calmly, coolly challenging you.

He's right, it's an empty threat. But you stick to it. "Yes, I will."

Professor Yang sighs exasperatedly. "You won't, because if you report me for unfair treatment, then we'll both be placed under a microscope. Someone will find out about what happened between us this summer, and we'll both get in trouble. I'll lose my job and you'll be expelled."

You'll be expelled? That's news to you. The reality of the situation hits you like a punch to the gut. You can't afford to lose your status as a student here; your parents would never forgive you. They already aren't too happy about the fact that you're pursuing a degree in music. If you screw yourself over by getting expelled, that’s the end of the line for you.

He continues. "So don't think that you can blackmail me into boosting your grade or giving you special treatment, because I'm not the only one that will face severe consequences. Get that idea out of your head right now. You can't threaten me like that. Oh, and don't even think that I'll boost your grade in exchange for sexual favors. That is not going to work on me."

Your jaw drops. "Oh my God, are you even listening to me? Who do you think I am? Seriously! I'm not going to try to sleep with you for extra credit. I'm an honest student."

"I'm only covering our bases to let you know what is unacceptable." He picks at the stem of the pen’s cap, lifting it with his thumb and releasing so that it clicks in a steady rhythm that is nothing short of irritating.

“Well this could go both ways, couldn’t it?” You cross your arms over your chest. "What's going to stop you from pursuing me? What's going to keep you from lowering my grade if I refuse your advances?"

"What even makes you think I would pursue you?" He says it like he wants his words to hurt you, as if he's trying to make you feel that you're not worthy of his attention. But it's pointless; his actions have already proven otherwise.

You are so gorgeous that I might actually believe in love at first sight.

He had said that to you. It was a baseless, drunken confession, but the fact remains that he has been attracted to you once and he could be attracted to you still.

Let's be drunk and in love, then.

You had said all sorts of embarrassing things to each other, and your cheeks burn as you remember. You shift your weight, scanning his face as you force yourself to respond. "It wouldn't be the first time. And from what I remember, you enjoyed yourself an awful lot that night."

It's a long, quiet moment. You can practically see that night replaying in his mind, seductive images of you flashing in his eyes. It doesn't make you uncomfortable to know he's probably remembering every curve of your naked body; it boosts your confidence that he's been momentarily flustered by the memory of you.

The pen in his death grip falls to his desk, and he folds his hands in his lap, looking haggard. "If you choose to stay in the class, I promise that I will treat you fairly and I will not make any advances towards you. I promise that you will finish the class with an unbiased grade. However, I think you should seriously consider dropping the class, for both your sanity and mine."

For both your sanity and mine.

You can't quite tell what he means by that. Does he expect you'll continue to be at each others' throats for the rest of the semester? Or on the contrary, is he saying it might be difficult to refuse the temptation of each other if you're forced into the same classroom once a week?

Regardless of the truth behind his words, you're unwilling to budge on the matter. You calmly return to your seat, collecting your thoughts. "All due respect, but I really don't want to drop. I have a very genuine interest in your class, and I've been looking forward to it since I signed up. I don't want to sacrifice my education because of this."

"Then I will remind you that you have another two weeks to withdraw if you change your mind, and I won't bring it up again."

You both fall quiet, and you hate the feeling of regret bubbling in your stomach. You shouldn't have slept with him. You knew it was a bad idea but you went and did it anyway. And what makes it even worse is that now one of the best nights of your life is colored with regret. You want to remember that feeling of being so alive without immediately hating yourself for your poor decision making skills.

He pulls you out of your puddle of self-loathing as he asks, "Have you told anybody about this?"

You shake your head, but realize immediately that you're wrong. "Actually, my cousin knows. The one at the wedding that sort of instigated this whole thing."

"Expected. But you haven't said anything to anyone about the current situation?"

You take a deep breath. "I called that same cousin a few days ago. She knows you're my professor and everything. I just had to say something, I was going crazy."

"Is she a student here too?"

"No, she's not."

"Okay. You can't tell anyone else though, understood?"

You frown, a crease forming between your brows. "I won't, jeez. You're acting like you're the only one that has something to lose. I'm not out to get you. I'm scared, too."

He rubs his temple. "I'm sorry. I just want to make sure we're protecting ourselves."

Your ears perk up at the word sorry. So he is capable of apologizing! "An apology for earlier would be nice, too," you grumble.

"For what, exactly?"

You frown. "For falsely accusing me of setting this up."

"I don’t know for sure that those accusations are false."

"You're kidding." Your blood boils. You had no idea that you've spent all this time fawning over such a prick. "Why don't you believe me?"

"That doesn't really matter, does it? What matters is that it doesn't happen again. Understood?" He easily evades your question, raising his eyebrows inquisitively.

"Rest assured, you are safe from my relentless pursuit." You roll your eyes, voice dripping with sarcasm, and you grab your bag, ready to leave. There’s nothing else that can be done here. "I'll do my best not to unintentionally seduce you, you poor helpless thing."

"You don't have to be childish."

"You don't have to be a dick, but here we are." You resist the urge to kick his desk. You can't remember the last time you felt so frustrated. You stare each other down until you finally break away from him, turning to head for the door. Clearly he's not going to apologize, so there's no point to sticking around any longer.

"Wait, _____. One more thing."

You hate the way your whole body electrifies at the sound of your name. Screw him and the way his perfect mouth forms the damned syllables.

"I hate to ask, and maybe I don't even want to know... but how old are you?"

Frowning, you answer. "Nineteen. Turning twenty in like, two months."

"Nineteen?!"

You grip the door handle and look over your shoulder at him. "Yeah, nineteen."

"Oh my God, you're a baby." He drags his hands down his face. "Nineteen? Really?"

You ignore his baby comment; making a fuss over it would only prove his point. "How old did you think I was?"

"At least twenty-two or twenty-three. I mean, Christ, you were drinking at the wedding. I didn't realize you were underage."

"Don't say that I'm underage, that makes it sound like you screwed a teenager."

"Well technically I did. Nineteen. God dammit, shit..."

You crinkle your nose, realizing that you never really considered the age gap between the two of you. "And how old are you?"

"I'm twenty-six."

Seven years. He's seven years older than you. That's kind of a lot. "Like... just turned twenty-six?"

He nods, speechless for once, like his voice just gave up. So, closer to six-ish years. That's not... awful...

"For what it's worth, I didn't realize that I was screwing a senior citizen so-"

"Don't." He cuts you off, raising his hand in warning. "Don't do that. Don't start getting sassy, don't start joking around with me. Just don't."

Another sassy remark is readied at the tip of your tongue, but you hold back when you notice that he almost looks pained. Why does he look pained?

You let it go and turn the knob, yanking the door open. "I'll see you next week, then."

He nods, unwilling to meet your eyes, and you close the door behind you.

You stomp the whole way down State Street to the music building, steam shooting from your ears after your 'meeting' with Professor Yang.

Curse him and his stupid asshat attitude. Screw him for being devilishly handsome and for being the world's biggest dick. How could you have slept with someone like him? How could you let yourself get into this mess?

You get to the main office on the third floor, and the reception desk is regrettably empty. You peek around for a student worker, but there is no one to be found. Even the doors to the professors’ offices are closed, implying that they are away or otherwise unavailable.

Huffing, you grab a pen from the cup on the reception desk and scribble a message onto the notepad sitting there. You explain in perhaps too-colorful language that you are in desperate need of photocopies of your approved excuse cards from last spring’s convocations, and you leave your cell phone number so that you can be contacted when said photocopies are available.

The anger that clouds the corners of your vision starts to dissipate as you tuck the note under the computer mouse for the student worker to find later. You're frustrated by everything Professor Yang has said to you, and you're frustrated by the fact that even what you believe to be an easy fix is not instantaneously possible. If you can just get the damned excuse cards to him, then he would have to believe you when you say you're clueless. Right? He'd probably never admit it, but you just need to know that he knows that you're telling the truth. You can't stand being called a liar.

You pull the cell phone out of your backpack as you trudge towards the stairs. What you really need right now is to hang out with someone and distract yourself from the bullshit with Professor Dickface. You want to call Shinhye, but you know that she'll be on her way to her next class shortly. And then you think of Kino, whose phone number you snagged after rehearsal yesterday. Maybe you should see what he's up to.

You call him, only momentarily thinking it might be weird to call instead of texting. But before you have a chance to second guess, he picks up.

"Farm girl! Hi." You can barely hear him over the rush of wind, but the nickname makes you smile.

"Hey. You busy?"

"Not exactly. Why?"

"I just need to get my mind off of something and I was wondering if you might want to hang out."

"Sure! Where are you?"

"Music building. You?"

"On my way there, actually. I was going to snag a practice room to start working on some stuff for R&B ensemble. Do you want to practice with me?"

You smile, releasing a careful sigh. "Yeah, let's do that."

As you step down the last stretch of stairs, you see Kino coming through the revolving door, his hair a mess from the wind. He spots you and waves, ending the call and pocketing his phone. He meets you at the stairwell. "Hey."

"Hey." You point upstairs. "Shall we?"

Together, you head back up and wind down a hallway to find an empty practice room. Thankfully you snag one with a baby grand instead of one of the dinky upright pianos.

"So, something's bothering you?" Kino inquires, dropping his backpack onto a chair and rifling through it in search of his music.

"Yeah, but I don't really want to talk about it, if that's alright." Well, it's not that you don't want to talk about it, it's just that you can't. Well, shouldn't. Won't.

"I hear you loud and clear. We'll just make some music, and if that doesn't help you feel better, we'll go get milkshakes or something. Milkshakes make everything better." He raises his eyebrows at you as he sets his music on a stand.

You nod, sliding onto the piano bench. "That sounds great. Maybe we should get milkshakes regardless."

"Honestly, I am one-hundred percent down for a milkshake. Have you been to the ice cream shop down on Thirteenth?" He groans when you shake your head. "Okay, then it's a done deal. We have to go."

"I will not refuse." You smile, feeling lighter already.

You rehearse together for nearly an hour, and you let the music completely occupy your mind. You don’t think about Professor Douche-Cock; you don’t think about the way he infuriates you and you certainly don’t think about your still overwhelming attraction to him. For that hour, your mind and soul can breathe.

"What's on your mind?" Hongseok's voice flowed over you, a gentle creek warmed by the hot summer sun.

Humming quietly, your eyes fluttered shut and you inhaled deeply, taking in the sweet, fresh scent of him, his cologne mingling with the alcohol on his breath. "You."

"Me?"

The two of you had long since lost track of the music, swaying lazily and dancing way too close. You felt so absorbed in the grip of his hands and the solidness of his body under those damn clothes and you could no longer think straight. You needed to touch his skin, to feel his lips. His face was mere inches from yours - far too much of a temptation.

"You, your lips, your hands, your..." You trailed off with a sly grin. "I'm thinking about everything you're hiding under your tux."

"What a coincidence," he murmured, his fingertips dragging over your exposed back. "I can't stop imagining how you'll look when your dress is finally on the floor."

Your heart raced. He finally admitted to what had been implied all night - that he wanted you naked, that he would get you naked. Of course, that had been your plan all along, but hearing him verbalize it made you quiver with excitement. You needed him... you were desperate.

"When are you going to kiss me?" You couldn't stop the words before they spilled from you of their own volition. But regardless of the unwarranted sentiments, you felt a bold smile form on your lips.

Hongseok chuckled, amused. He pulled you in tighter, the tip of his nose brushing yours as he leaned in. "Wouldn't it be too easy if I just gave you what you wanted?"

"I really don't care." You touched your forehead to his, challenging him. You knew he wanted to. He had to.

His shallow breath fanned over your face as he cupped your cheek. “Neither do I."

A rush of adrenaline burst through your veins as Hongseok closed the gap, finally pressing his lips to yours. Each kiss laced with passionate desire, he held nothing back as he kissed you once, twice, a thousand times over. Your hands traveled up into his soft hair as your lips crashed into his, and he securely grabbed your waist, tugging you towards the bed.

Hongseok sat on the edge of the mattress and you eagerly climbed up onto his lap, straddling him and sighing softly when you felt his hardening length between your legs. You could tell that he had a lot to offer.

He grabbed your wrists and redirected your hands to his tie, and your mouths never separated as you worked to slide the material out from his collar. You quickly moved onto the buttons of his vest and shirt, and he reached around you to tug at the zipper of your dress, both of you completely consumed with the overwhelming need to press skin against skin. You only pulled away when you finally ripped open his shirt, wanting just a moment to take in the sight of him.

He was extremely muscular, as you had expected, and it was almost intimidating how utterly perfect his torso was. You ran your fingers over his rippled abdomen, entranced by the dips and peaks of each muscle. His skin was hot to the touch, and it sent a delicious shock through you.

"How..." You started a question, but you didn't really know where it was going. With a gorgeous face and perfect body, Hongseok was simply too good to be true. You were awestruck, your hands coming to rest on the solid curve of his pecs.

"You haven't even seen the best part yet." He rocked his hips ever so slightly, reminding you that there was even more left to reveal.

"You're so cocky," you giggled, shrugging off the straps of your dress as he peeled the fabric away. You might have been more shy about stripping if you had been sober, but your wine-induced haze made you more than ready to be rid of the damn dress.

"I think you'll find I have good reason to be." His eyes flashed and he pressed another long kiss against your lips. He tasted of bourbon and promiscuity, and you wanted all of it. You were drunk on him. All you wanted was to kiss him for all of eternity.

Hongseok's rough fingers ran along the bare skin of your sides as he pulled your dress down around your waist. With your dress half off, you felt wildly exposed, but in the best possible way. His lips separated from yours so that he could get a look at you the way you had with him.

As his eyes scanned down from your face to your chest, you couldn't help the slight blush that came to your cheeks. It was embarrassing to be looked at that way, but it was also thrilling to watch him drink you in.

"You are absolutely gorgeous. Have I told you that yet?" His eyes met yours, a sweet smile touching his lips despite the darkness of his blown-out pupils.

"Don't think you've mentioned it," you murmured, barely able to get the words out before he crashed into your lips, his hot tongue pressing past the seam. You gladly accepted it, yanking his shirt off of his shoulders and pressing yourself harder against him. His strong arms wrapped around you completely, trapping you in his heat as your tongues wrestled. The kiss was sloppy and messy, but you were too distracted by wanting him to care.

As Hongseok continued kissing you, his hand slipped between your bodies in search of your breast, carefully massaging it and running his calloused thumb over your nipple until it stood up for him. He twisted the sensitive bud between his fingers, drawing a pleasured gasp from you. You had never considered yourself to be especially sensitive to physical touch - not any more than the next person, anyway - but Hongseok threw all of your senses into overdrive, driving you wild with the simplest of touches.

You ground your pelvis against his desperately, and his lips trailed along the skin just under your jaw as he worked his way down to your breast. You arched your back to give him better access, shuddering when his teeth grazed over your neck and collarbone. How could you feel so good already?

Hongseok's mouth latched onto your breast, and he sloppily lapped at your nipple while pinching the one still in his hand. It made the room spin; you were so lightheaded with pleasure you could hardly stand it. Panting heavily, you dug your fingers into his impressively muscular back, cursing yourself for keeping your fingernails so short. He seemed like the kind of guy who might like getting scratched up.

You continued rocking your hips as his mouth moved to your other breast and his hand traced up your thigh, sneaking under the skirt of your dress. Every inch of skin he traversed felt like a mile, taking far too long to reach the juncture of your thigh and your hip. You grinned wickedly as he felt for the strap of your nonexistent underwear, his tongue even pausing its ministrations as he realized that you were, in fact, completely bare beneath your dress.

With a soft groan, he slipped his other hand under your dress, fingers splayed across the round curve of your ass. He released your nipple from his mouth and his fox eyes flashed as he focused in on your face. "You are full of surprises."

"All good, I hope." Your chest tightened as you smiled at him, and your drunk self dared to think you might be falling in love.

"Only the best," he murmured lowly before capturing your mouth in another passionate kiss, his lips embracing yours as he gave your ass a squeeze. You rocked your hips fervidly, desperate to feel some sort of relief, and he caught you off guard when he lifted you, his forearms sliding under your thighs for support. Surprised, you laughed against his mouth and held tightly onto his shoulders. Jesus, he was strong.

Hongseok stood with you in his arms, turning around so he could lay you down on the bed. His lips stayed on yours the whole way down. He hovered over you, propping himself up with one arm, his other hand running over your thigh. His callouses scratched your skin and you purred at the sensation. You wanted those hands all over you.

His knuckles tracked along your inner thigh until his fingers discovered your folds, and you felt him smirk against your lips. You were dripping just from kissing him, and you were sure he approved. Softly, he traced your folds with the pad of his finger and his thumb teased the area around your clit.

You whimpered, squirming with anticipation as he circled your sex. He was such a tease, taking his time and slowly unraveling you. And it was working; you were falling to pieces and he had hardly even touched you.

Hongseok pressed a single finger past your entrance and his mouth moved south to your neck, giving you space to moan. He nibbled at the base of your throat before sliding his tongue up the length of it. "I want to taste you," he murmured into your neck, a quiet growl in his voice.

His simple words made you clench around his finger; you would love that more than anything. Breathy, you said, "Yes, please, do whatever you want." You completely gave yourself up to him, a bundle of nervous energy electrifying your gut. Anything he wanted to do to you, you would gladly receive.

Without hesitation, Hongseok kneeled between your legs, and a chill ran through you at the absence of his heat. He looked beautiful with hair tousled from your fingers and his lips pink from your kiss. How on Earth had you ever gotten so lucky?

His eyes scanned over your body as his finger slid out of you, his hands urging your skirt further up your hips before refocusing his attention on your clit. You gasped as he made contact, your legs jerking at the jolt of pleasure.

A smirk fell on his lips as he toyed with your most sensitive spot. “You are so hot, oh my God…”

You weren’t really sure if you should respond - or if you were even capable of responding - but Hongseok’s lips were suddenly on your folds and your mind went completely blank. His tongue prodded at your entrance before working its way up to your clit, and when he started sucking you swore you were blinded with pleasure.

You fought the immediate tension that coursed through you, not wanting to get wound up too quickly and end it too soon. This was a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and you were convinced you’d never again find someone as gorgeous and fucking amazing at oral as Hongseok. You had to enjoy it.

Hongseok massaged your folds as he continued eating you out, and you couldn’t help but pinch your nipples, amplifying the ripples he sent throughout your body, careful not to take it too far. You whined as you twisted them and he lapped at your clitoris, his finger sliding inside of you once more. You were filled with sensation, and nothing could have been more perfect.

“That’s… aa-aahhh… ohh…” You tried desperately to encourage him, but words were difficult to come by. But he must have understood; he kept up with that same tongue pattern, stroking two fingers carefully against your walls. Sooner than anticipated, he brought you right to the edge. “Hong… Hongseok, yes… plea-oh…”

He didn’t change his pace, didn’t change pressure. He just continued in exactly the same manner until you broke, a series of short, squeak-like moans coming from you as an incredibly powerful orgasm washed over you. He pressed a flat tongue against your clit as you climaxed; you felt so full and warm and beautiful.

When your pulse was no longer racing he released you, and you hummed quietly. You eyed him as he stood, his chin and chest wet with your arousal and his erection straining against his pants: an absolute Adonis if you’d ever seen one.

You were speechless, grinning up at him like a fool. Everything felt so good. How could a human make you feel that way? He might have actually been a god.

Hongseok helped you sit up, and lifted the dress up over your head so you were fully in the nude. Wiping at his chin, he smirked and then reached for his belt buckle. “I hope you’re not too tired. After all, we’re just getting started.”

Post Script | Thank you for reading! Part 3 will be posted Saturday at 8pm.

Update | Read Part 3 here!

All Rights Reserved © gwentory. No translations, reposting, and/or modifying of the material is allowed without my direct permission.

THIS IS REPOSTED FROM MY ORIGINAL BLOG, GWENTORY. All future content (including HFT Part 4 and onwards) will only be posted on GWENTORYFICS. Thank you!

[emotionally-imbruised]

Mutuals as fave bands? 🤔

Alright, so you sent this to a gal who has a BIG appreciation for classic rock bands (mainly because my parents were huge stoners when they were younger and it was all they ever played as I was growing up) so not only am I gonna struggle with choosing any bands that aren’t classic rock... ok or pop punk, but MAKING ME NARROW THEM DOWN AND CHOOSE A MUTUAL I LOVE V MUCH FOR IT TO GO WITH AND WHY IS JUST PLAIN MEAN. I absolutely adore all of my mutuals, but here are some I was easily able to choose a band for, and in no particular order. (I tried ok and I'll attempt to spice it up with the bands)

Eagles; A band I can listen to and be completely unfazed by just how much I listen to them (which is a lot). There is a certain easygoing vibe that surrounds their music that you can easily get lost in, and it’s honestly the best feeling. So I’m giving them to my bug @smokeinherperfume. As someone I've very often freaked out with over music (we still gotta make our Spotify playlist of songs we think Harry should cover), Nora just get’s it. She has a similar easy going, laid back vibe about her in the best possible way, and is one of the best people to talk to about literally anything. She’s very mellow and calming, just like Eagles sound and she’s just pretty freaking great in all aspects. A song for her would be Hotel California.

Fleetwood Mac; One of my all time favourites ever. Some of my fondest memories include my dad blaring them when I was a kid at the most random of times and that’s always just stuck with me. Whether it be during a car ride, or in the kitchen as he attempted to get me and my brother ready for the day when all we wanted to do was dance around to the music, I’ve always associated Fleetwood Mac’s music as this source of happiness and positiveness even in the darkest of times, and for that I'm gonna have to say they’re my love, @always-jackedup. Sarah is that feeling of happiness and positiveness combined into a person. The warmth and genuineness that radiates from her is contagious and just makes this world a better place as she continuously rooting for you and cheering you on, and I know my life would be so much duller without her in it as it would be without this band. Her song would be Go Your Own Way.

Coldplay; For any of you that know me really well, you know how I hold Coldplay very near and dear to my heart. You're lying if you say Chris Martin isn't a man who can work literal magic, ok? Don’t fight me on this. There’s just something I feel when listening to this band that is so inexplicably amazing, and I know Coldplay isn’t a band for everyone... but they’re a band that’s always been there. I can be in any mood and there’s always a Coldplay song I can connect with that in some way makes me feel better. I mean, there’s a reason I have one of their song titles tattooed onto my arm, alright. So this one is going to my bby @theasstour. One of the most easy going people I know, but also one who has that fun and calming vibe to them that isn't meant to be taken seriously. For that, I think Nora fits Coldplay perfectly. She’s someone who can effortlessly brighten up anyones day and is just all around amazing. Her song is Charlie Brown.

Blink-182; Woo boy, where do I even start with them. Legen freaking dary that’s for damn sure. Blink is fun, upbeat and just one of those bands I always want to be able to listen to despite them reminding me greatly of my awkward teenage angst faze even though they were popular when I was definitely not a teenager. If I'm able to DJ during a car ride or a party, you best believe I'm throwing on some Blink because I forever get an amped up mood from them and it’s just the best. They’re timeless and for that, I'm gonna say the amazing @writingsfromlee​ is a good choice from them. Lee is one of the funnest, sweetest, hilarious people I have met with her amazing clap-backs, genuine excitement, and just all around greatness. She get’s excited with me over the little things, but a lot of the time those small things seem to have huge impacts and she helps me realize that and just how significant they are. Her song is First Date.

Portugal. The Man; A very underrated band in my opinion. They’re different, unique and have this distinctive sound that is so appealing and so easy to listen to. I can listen to Portugal. The Man for hours on end because it doesn't sound like I'm listening to the same thing over and over again. They spice things up and do it so well, I can only see them to fit my babe @foreverhlessed​. Heli is someone who's picture will show up under the definition of unique. She's always doing her own thing, and always looks fantastic while doing it. Someone who definitely stands out of the crowd in the best way. Her song is Modern Jesus.

Led Zeppelin; Hands down, another all time favourite. Another band that I also hold very near and dear to my heart, and just so happen to be getting a tattoo for as well (lmaoooo). This band was my parents band and just happened to get passed down to me. One of Zeppelin’s songs was their wedding song, and lyrics from that same song are engraved onto my mom’s grave. (THIS ISN’T MEANT TO MAKE ANYONE SAD PLS BARE WITH ME) It’s easy to say this band was very significant to them, and it has also become the same for me. I listen to Zeppelin when I need to mellow out. I don't know why but listening to them calms me down, and just allows me to chill tf out (yes I'm usually baked when I listen to them on repeat but whatever, leave me alone). But for them, I’m gonna say the lovely @harryonstage​. AJ is literally one of the coolest people I have ever met. An extraordinary being she is and just so happens to give off the same chill vibe I get by listening to this band. Also being the woman who wrote my soulmate Plugrry, how could I not give her my favourite band to listen to when I'm stoned as hell? Her song is D’yer Mak’er.

Queen; I can pretty well guarantee you already know who’s getting this one. It’s nearly impossible to listen to Queen and not want to belt out every freaking word. Queen is fun, upbeat, timeless, and just so amazingly iconic there are just no words. The person who embodies Queen perfectly to me is @isitstraightvodka​. Liv gives off the same positive feeling, light and fun that Freddie, Brian, Roger and John put into every song. I’m always put in a good when I’m listening to them, and it’s the exact same thing that happens whenever I talk to Liv. Her song is Somebody To Love.

One Direction; I couldn’t not put them ok. We all know and love One Direction in this house, there’s no doubt about that. I love the boys solo more than anything, but I'd be lying if One Direction’s music wasn't something I used to and still listen to on pretty well a daily basis. One Direction was my favourite band all through high school (aka the worst years of my life) and although I wasn’t entirely invested in the fandom then, I'd be lying if I said they didn't mean a lot to me. The lucky person getting them is none other than @trulymadlysydney​. Syd is truly someone who lights up my world like nobody else (hehe) and no I’m not just saying that. One of the nicest, and funniest people I’ve ever met and one of my favourite Scorpio’s ever (it’s literally her and one other). My day always gets better whenever I’m talking to her about literally anything, and it’s just so similar to the happiness I feel whenever I listen to 1D. Her song is Drag Me Down.

Hi ILY all very much, god this took me forever and I'm stopping here because it’s 3am and although I have many other bands and mutuals I could go OFF about... I work in the morning so here she is

[edasshuu]

PH811 REPLIED TO YOUR POST: HI! IT'S ME AGAIN! (≧◡≦) SO, I JUST WATCHED THE...

LOL THAT IS QUITE A RESPONSE THERE XD DIDN’T EXPECT THAT, BUT I DO ENJOY READING YOUR FANGIRL RAMBLES XD I LOOK FORWARD TO HIS CD AS WELL. REALLY HOPING HE WOULD BE THE MOST NICEST ONE IN THE SERIES >.< & YEAH. TOO BAD CIEL ISN’T HERE THIS SEASON. HE WAS ONE OF MY TOP FAVORITE. THANKS FOR REPLYING!

eheheh, sorry (^～^;)ゞonce someone mentions dear vocalist, i literally don’t know how to shut up orz 

i don’t know if you’ve listened to everyone’s cds yet, but in terms of the “nicest,” i’d say reodo and A’ are definitely in that category (although you have to go through a lot of pain and angst in A’’s cds  ｡･ﾟ(ﾟ⊃ω⊂ﾟ)ﾟ･｡). also, underneath his crabby attitude, yuu is actually quite clingy and cute (٭°̧̧̧꒳°̧̧̧٭)

but whether he ends up being one of the most nicest, or one of the most problematic, i’m really excited for joshua’s cd  (੭ ˃̣̣̥ ω˂̣̣̥)੭ु⁾⁾

ciel will be greatly missed, but hopefully if this season does well and rejet considers making another one, he might be able to come back  .˚‧º·(´ฅωฅ｀)‧º·˚.

and no problem! thank you for asking (pq*´꒳`*)♡

[sevralships]

“Just Because You Can” Part 6 of 7, Chapters 20-22

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7 FIN]

The Pines triplets, Mabel, Dipper, and Jolene, have always been best friends. But lately, there’s been some distance growing between the Mystery Kids, due in part to the forbidden feelings with which they are each struggling. How will they manage to see eye to eye, when torn between wanting each other and craving adventure?

(This is a new AU that I’ve been calling Jolene AU, devised by myself and @handleonthescandal​ after one of us asked the question “What if Mabel and Dipper were triplets but with another sister?”. Although this AU is similar, it is not connected to Double Dippin’ AU, and Jolene is in no way connected to Tyrone.)

Shoutout to @sirwaddlesesquire for being the trustiest squire and an insightful, helpful, and supportive beta.

Mostly SFW, mostly angst with some action/adventure and a little bit of fluff, tw incest

Fic under the cut, enjoy!

Chapter 20: The Elephant In the Car

“Oh this is great!” Dipper said hotly, smacking the steering wheel with both hands, “This is just fan-fucking-tastic!” They were only a couple miles from the exit to Lone Pine, California, but red brake lights stretched about as far as they could see, “Why the hell is there traffic this late anyway?!”

“Maybe there’s an accident or something?” Mabel offered, reasonably. Since when is my job to be the reasonable one?

“Pfft, fuckin’ accidents,” Dip scoffed, “I mean, how do they even allow half these lunatics on the road? These people are a menace--”

“A menace?” Mabel raised an eyebrow, “Dip, cool it. Any second now you’ll be chasing kids-these-days off your lawn.”

“But I mean, what’s really idiotic is this road,” Dipper’s knuckles were white from clenching the wheel, “These roads were never meant for this volume of traffic, I mean, only two stinking lanes each way?!”

“Dipper, honestly,” Mabel rolled her eyes, “You sound like a granny.”

“But I mean, why?” Dipper pressed, his tone growing more hysterical, “Why is this road only four lanes? Why was there an accident? Why is this happening?!”

“I don’t know, Dipstick,” Mabel said, in the closest thing to a soothing voice she could manage, “It’s oka--”

“Don’t you dare tell me it’s okay right now, Mabel,” Dipper spat, holding up his right hand to her in a stop motion, “Unless your definition of ‘okay’ includes our sister running headfirst into a grisly fucking death, I don’t wanna hear it!”

“Whoa, whoa, don’t yell at me!” Mabel bristled, “I didn’t design the stupid road!”

“Oh, c’mon, Mabel,” Dipper said, exasperated, “Don’t gimme the innocent act.”

“It’s not an act!” Mabel snapped, “This isn’t my fault!”

“I didn’t blame you, Mabe--”

“Oh, shut up,” Mabel rolled her eyes, “You’ve been blaming me since she left!”

“Oh, I have not!”

“Have to!” Mabel insisted petulantly.

“I’m telling you, I have not!”

“Since she left, you have been treating me like I’m the bad guy!”

“Well, she wouldn’t have left if--” Dipper began.

“There it is,” Mabel pointed at him, “Go ahead and say what you mean,” she gestured at the inching traffic, “We got time. She wouldn’t have left if I hadn’t what?” Dipper shifted uneasily in his seat, “Hadn’t kissed you?”

Dipper dragged in a long-suffering sigh through his nostrils, his eyes shut, “Yes, Mabel,” he admitted, softly, “She wouldn’t have left if you hadn’t kissed me.”

Mabel pushed down the icky rejection feelings his words planted in her chest, “Well, I’m sorry I kissed you then.” She said, stiffly, keeping her eyes on the license plate of the car in front of them.

She could feel Dipper’s eyes on her, but forced her gaze to remain forward, “Mabel, it just… Out of nowhere like that? You were yelling at me one second and then kissing me, and, I mean,” he dragged his hand through his hair anxiously, “You are my sister and--”

“You don’t need to spare my feelings,” She said, shaking her head, “It won’t happen again.”

“Wait, Mabes, no!” Dipper turned to her, frantically, looking away from the car-clotted road. His eyes were troubled, his face conflicted, “That’s not what I meant! That’s, uh,” he glanced down, “Not what I want, is that... what you want?”

Mabel couldn’t help but smile a little. She shook her head, “No, you nerd.” He met her eyes again, his mouth curling ever so slightly upwards, “That’s not what I want. Why the heck dya think I kissed you?”

“I dunno, I don’t really get a lot of what you do, sis,” Dipper admitted, drily.

“That’s fair, I guess,” Mabel said, but it wasn’t the answer she’d been looking for.

“I love you, Mabel,” Dipper said tentatively.

“I love you too, Dip,” Mabel grinned and leaned across the center console to plant a soft, decisive kiss on his lips. He pressed his lips against hers in eager agreement. For a brief moment, everything fell away. The worry about Jo, the anger and confusion, the honking of the cars caught in gridlock with them, it all disappeared. But the moment was indeed brief, too brief Mabel thought. She opened her eyes after their lips parted and met Dipper’s. She saw the same love and fear she felt mirrored back at her, and gave a small nod, “Okay, so that’s settled. We love each other and we like kissing.”

Dipper snorted a laugh, “We love each other and we like kissing, okay.” His smile soon wilted, “I’m sorry about the play.”

Mabel frowned, “That was really lame of you guys.”

“I know,” Dipper said, pulling the van up a few inches, “I know it was, and I really am sorry.”

“We got bigger fish to fry,” Mabel changed the subject, we can talk about the play later. Dipper grimaced, never one for confrontation of any sort, “So we love each other and we like kissing, but we should maybe return to the elephant in the car that you so kindly brought up.” Dipper raised an eyebrow. Mabel rolled her eyes, “I’m your sister.”

“Oh, that elephant,” Dipper said grimly.

“How many elephants dya think are in here?” Mabel teased, looking around the van’s interior, the couch and garment racks, and amplifier holding no answers. Dipper snorted, “Anyway,” Mabel continued, “I, uh, love you and stuff and the sibling thing is weird ‘n’ all, but I’m like, okay with it, I guess? But obviously Jo-jo isn’t, and like, we can’t just do something this bonkers if she’s not okay with it. And it’s a little too late to hide it from her, but that probably wouldn’t have worked anywho.”

“I don’t want to hide anything from Jo, ever,” Dipper agreed, his tone grown a bit sullen.

“I mean, I can’t blame her for being freaked by incest, though,” Mabel conceded.

Dipper shook his head, “I don’t know if that’s what she’s upset about.”

Mabel scoffed, “Oh, c’mon, Dip. If I didn’t feel it, I’d be freaked out too. Shoot, it freaks me out a little and I do feel it.”

“Well, that’s just it, Mabes,” Dipper inched a little closer to the bumper of the car ahead of them, “I’m pretty sure Jo does feel it.”

Mabel felt the blood drain from her face, “Say what?”

“Well, uhm, before you got home,” Dipper fidgeted uncomfortably in the driver’s seat, “We were both, um, like really amped about the...interview,” Dipper said the word quietly, trying to soften the blow, but it stung Mabel nonetheless, “And we uhh, almost… well, kissed.”

For a silent moment, Mabel blinked at the sea of red brake lights, trying to process what Dipper had just said. She was the one he really wanted, you’re just his second choice. Tears prickled Mabel’s eyes again and she looked out her window, as if fascinated by the minivan in the finally-moving lane to their right, “You almost kissed her, or she almost kissed you?”

“Well, kinda both,” Dipper said, sounding a little unsure, “I think.”

“You think?” Mabel’s voice was sharper than intended.

“No, no, I’m sure,” Dipper grumbled, “She wanted to kiss me and I wanted to kiss her.”

Jealousy poured molten hot into Mabel’s stomach. While she was driving home, tearful and angry, while she was parking and glaring at the light in Dipper’s window...that’s what had been happening? They’d been excited, they’d been celebrating, they’d been almost kissing, “You wanted to kiss her.” she echoed.

Dipper picked up on Mabel’s jealousy then, “Mabel, no…”

Jo’s words rang in her sister’s head, coulda sworn being excited nearly had the same effect! Guess anything might inspire some sister-smooching! She looked at Dipper sharply, as he pulled up impatiently, the traffic finally loosening up a little at a time. No sooner had the words formed in her head than she was speaking them, “Dipper, is it really me you want, or her?”

Dipper’s heart ached at Mabel’s inevitable and unanswerable question, “It’s not like that, Mabes,” he tried to explain, “It’s both of you, it’s always been both of you.”

Both of us? That had never occurred to her. All this time, she’d wondered and feared how, in the unlikely event that anything like this could come to pass, Dipper would have to choose one sister over the other. All this time, she had been thinking of Jolene as a friend and sometime-adversary, trying not to notice how beautiful she was, how smart, how vibrant. How she blushed and sweated around her, how she could hardly keep her eyes away when she got undressed, how incredibly cute the noises were that she made in her sleep. “Holy shit,” Mabel muttered out loud. She’d known that the way she thought about her sister was unusual, but it had seemed like small potatoes compared to her high-octane crush on her bro. Yet suddenly it was unbelievable that she hadn’t realized the nature of these feelings for Jolene before. It had been different with Dipper, maybe because of that first summer in Gravity Falls, maybe because he was a boy, she had recognized what she felt early on. She’d been so busy seeing Jo as competition, hating her unique closeness with Dipper, hating the ways their differing appearance favored Jo, she hadn’t realized Jo might be seeing her the same way, or seeing Dipper as competition for me. She dropped her head in her hands, “Holyshit, holyshit, holy-guacamoley-bowls-o-shit.”

“...Mabel?” Dipper asked cautiously, unsure if Mabel was angry with him.

“Dipper,” Mabel said, desperately, reaching for his hand. He gave it to her without hesitation and she squeezed hard enough to make him wince.

“Mabes, what’s going on in there?”

“I think I love Jo,” she whispered.

Dipper felt a stab of jealousy, ohh now I get it, “You…”

Mabel picked up on his uncertainty, “No, no, Dip, I love you too. Of course, I love you.” she managed a watery smile at him, “Both of you. I get it. I get it.” Tears streamed down her cheeks, “Ohmygolly, we are such a mess.”

“A psychiatrist’s field day, I know,” Dipper’s heart soared at the sound of Mabel’s laugh at his comment.

“We both love each other, and we both love her,” Mabel stated, a little stunned.

“I have a feeling she doesn’t know the latter,” Dipper said, his brow furrowing.

“Well, we’ll just have to go tell her then.” Mabel said, in a sure tone, wiping the tears from her face, grateful that the traffic was finally letting up. She had something important to tell her sister and it couldn’t wait.

Chapter 21: Lone Pine Mountain

It was a hard rocky climb, and Jo was thankful for the flashlight she always kept in her pack. Even with its help, it was a treacherous hike. Dipper never would have considered this climb at night, she knew, because Dipper’s smart. She shook the thoughts of Dipper away, reminding herself that he was not beside her and he likely never would be again. She just focused on the path, or what passed for one. Jo was weary, but she could tell the summit wasn’t far off now. She had that sense one has just before a peak, of the sky getting bigger and the land shrinking before them.

Much as Jolene tried to focus on the task at hand, tried to push away the cacophony of her thoughts, it was inescapable. Tears kept blurring her vision, making it difficult to tell where the best footholds were. She had slipped and mis-stepped countless times, leaving her ankles sore, her knees and palms stinging with scrapes. But however she pushed her thoughts away and tried to swipe away her inconvenient tears, they kept creeping back. One moment she’d be seeing the beam of her flashlight across the stony terrain, and the next it was as if she was transported back to her childhood home, watching that kiss. The way Dipper’s hand tightened on Mabel’s dainty little waist, the way Mabel’s cheeks flushed prettily as the kiss deepened. They had looked so strangely natural, like two puzzle pieces made to fit together. Jo slipped again, catching herself again on her skinned palms, hearing the pebbles clattering down the steep descent behind her.

She realized she was actually much steadier crawling and so she moved ahead that way. She could feel the wetness of blood on her hands and knees from the jagged bedrock, but didn’t much care. The immediacy of the physical pain gave her something to focus on, drawing her mind just a little bit further from Dipper and Mabel’s kiss. There was something comforting about pain of the body, as compared to the unmanageable pain of the soul.

With a suddenness that surprised her into a smile, Jo realized she was no longer ascending. The steepness had given way to fairly even ground. She stood up, wobbling a little at being back on her feet and turned in a circle a couple times, sweeping the flashlight across her surroundings to get her bearings. She had finally reached the summit, or at least one of the lower landings around the highest point. It was sparse, mostly rocky and open, with some scrubby bushes and a few weathered pine trees, tall, black, and austere in the dim light. It was quiet, apart from the occasional whisper of wind through the pine needles, as if even the trees here were holding their breath.

The moonlight illuminated more evenly and Jolene shut off her flashlight to conserve energy, blinking rapidly to get her eyes to adjust. Dipper would be proud of that kinda foresight, she thought before she could help herself, slipping the flashlight into her back pocket. It was easy enough to push Mabel from her mind in this situation, but exploring like this without Dipper was strange. She’d practically never gone on any sort of Mystery Hunt without him, although he’d gone on plenty without her that first summer in Oregon. As always, a pit of envy and exclusion bubbled in her stomach thinking of that summer. Up here alone with the pine trees, she could almost pretend she was in the Oregon hills, seeking monsters from the entries in Grunkle Ford’s old journals and about to run into Bill Cipher around any corner.

“Stopit,stopit,stopit,” Jolene scolded herself, hating how pathetic her tearful whisper sounded in the still of the night. Stop thinking about Dipper, stop thinking about Gravity Falls, and for fuck’s sake, stop thinking about Bill Cipher! There were many dangers in these hills, but Bill Cipher was not among them. Dwelling on him now would do her no good, just as it never had.

Jo wiped the grit and blood off of her palms onto her shorts. What now? She asked herself, surprised to find herself wishing for one of Dipper’s plans. She took a few more steps and halted. Her breath was coming a little heavy from the steep climb, but she found it wasn’t slowing, rattling unevenly out of her. It was catching up with her, all of it. She’d driven here fast and reckless, her foot demanding the gas pedal put more distance between her and her problems. She’d climbed in a fever, desperately scrambling up, zigzagging along the rockface in hopes she’d shake the pain that was following close behind. But she had stopped running now for the first time in all the hours since she’d fled, and she couldn’t outrun it anymore.

The tears hit her hard, tearing through the center of her like a blast from a shotgun. An agonizing certainty flooded her that everything of value was over. A lifetime of friendship and longing bubbled over in her, all bitter with the burnt taste of loss. Gone, they’re gone, they’re gone. She didn’t realize how violently she was shaking until she felt her raw knees hit the ground. She hugged herself hard, trying to hold herself together, feeling as though her body would be torn asunder by the sheer force of emotion within her. Since running from home, Jo had been trying so hard to escape the breakdown ticking away like a timebomb inside her, but now that it had detonated there was too much, far too much all at once. I’m meaningless, it screamed at her, I have always been superfluous, I have always been the other triplet, I have always been nothing. She could hear herself wailing, the heartwrenched sound eerie in the quiet of the mountaintop. What was the use? Why love so deeply when it opened you up to being infected by pain like this? There was no longer any avoiding the kiss she had seen Mabel and Dipper share. They love each other, she knew with a brutal finality, and they are complete without me.

As the weight of that realization truly sank over Jo, weighing down her shoulders, her sobs quieted. There was no reason left to cry. They were lost to her, and there was no reason to keep fighting. Jo covered her face with her hands, her tears stinging against her cuts. She held her breath for a moment, trying in vain to still the throbbing of her heart.

With a sudden prickling at the back of her neck Jolene knew something was wrong. She didn’t realize why at first. She saw nothing in the darkness behind her hands. But the trees were making a different sound now, not the whispering rustle of pine needles but a softly sinister swish. A hiss broke the silence, and she knew. It was no hiss an animal should make. Not the hiss of a cat, or even of a snake. It was the sound of menace itself given flesh.

Jo realized the swishing was not the trees, not the wind, but the sound of feathers, bristling, spreading, settling. They’re real! She thought, with an intoxicating rush of satisfaction, that she was witnessing what no one had proven. What no one survived to prove, Dipper’s voice reminded her sternly in her head. For an instant, Jo embraced the idea that she was among them, one of those who had climbed this mountain, met these monsters, met their demise. That the knowledge of them would die with her, just like countless others. But the resignation gave way nearly at once to a force far more powerful.

I’m not ready, she knew with sudden clarity, I don’t want to die. I want to get away, I want to go home! She raised her face, as if woken and startled from sleep, her eyes met with dark figures, larger than she had imagined. Her eyes adjusted, identifying fangs, feathers, talons. I’m going home in one piece. She resolved stubbornly, And I’m getting a picture before I go.

She cried out in surprise as something sliced into her shoulder. As she pulled away on reflex, she felt the weight of her pack shift, the strap on her injured shoulder severed by whatever cut her, a talon most likely, she deduced in her head. She looked around, seeking a gap between the shadowy creatures closing in around her, I’m getting home, she rose to her feet, but not if I’m dinner.

Chapter 22: Preternatural

“I cannot believe we’re doing this in the dark,” Dipper muttered for the umpteenth time. He could hear Mabel close in front of him. She was breathing heavy, grunting with every few steps. In their eagerness to get on the road, to follow Jo, Mabel had forgotten to consider the suitability of her footwear. Dipper’s flashlight was lending a little bit of assistance, but there were no two ways around the fact that flimsy ballet flats with no treads on the soles were dangerous shoes to climb a mountain in. “I cannot believe we’re doing this in the da--”

“Will you please shut your pie-hole, Dipdot?” Mabel interrupted irritably, halting and shooting him a sharp look over her shoulder, before her expression softened and she grumbled an apology.

“No, I’m sorry, Mabes,” Dipper said, honestly contrite and honestly pretty terrified, “But I just... really cannot believe we’re doing something this stupid.”

Mabel sighed and squeezed Dipper’s free hand, “I know, all those years of dorktastic lists and here you are being impulsive. But it’s for Jo-jo.”

Dipper nodded, relenting. Mabel started walking again and he followed suit, saying to her back, “I think we’re almost at the summit.”

“That’s good!” Mabel said, her enthusiasm not very convincing through the small groans of pain.

The summit is where we’ll find the Devils, if they are in fact real, Dipper considered, his heart quickening instantly at the prospect of danger so close at hand, and whether they are real is a crazy gamble. But he knew, with a certainty that scared him more than the Lone Pine Mountain Devils, that his sister needed him. He had felt both triumphant and discouraged when he parked the school van beside the Chariot. Until seeing the familiar vehicle, there had been a small shred of hope that maybe he was wrong, that maybe Jolene hadn’t come here, that maybe she was somewhere safer.

“Your silence does not inspire confidence, Dip,” Mabel chided, trying to sound like she wasn’t really frightened.

“It is good, Mabel,” Dipper said, far too late to inspire any confidence whatsoever, “It’s just also…”

“Bad.” Mabel finished, “It’s also bad.”

Dipper nodded, even though her back was to him and she couldn’t see, “On the bright side,” he said, glancing up at the dizzyingly pitch black sky, “The sun will rise before too long.”

“Bright side?? HA!” Mabel blew a raspberry, “I get it, a daylight pun. Nice one.”

“Okay, sure,” Dipper said, but couldn’t resist a chuckle. Mabel’s ability to see good news and laughter in such a bleak situation warmed him more than he could say. Was climbing a mountain in the dark without a map or gear to save their hysterical sister from nightmarish monsters insane? Certifiably. But he had Mabel and her impossible optimism to buoy him above his own terror. And she loves me, he reminded himself, a vast migration of butterflies flying through him. She loves me. And if it’s possible that my amazing, colorful, out-of-my-fucking-league sister can love me back, then hell, anything can happen.

As if on cue, said amazing, colorful sister whooped in excitement. The sound instantly pulled Dipper out of his own head, “Yo, bro-bro!” Mabel exclaimed, “This sure as shitake looks like a summit to me!”

Dipper hurried a few steps to reach her and both dread and relief swelled in his chest. Definitely a summit of some sort, they had reached a relatively flat area dotted with bushes and tall pine trees like silent, black sentinels. It was hard to tell in the dark how far it extended in any given direction, and Dipper wished fervently that the sun would rise already. He wasn’t afraid of the dark at all, but when the darkness potentially held bloodthirsty monsters, it took on a decidedly scarier quality. Dipper placed a hand on Mabel’s shoulder, “Stay close to me, Mabes,” he said, panning the beam of his flashlight across the terrain before them, “We’re safer if we don’t split up.”

“Aye-aye, cap’n,” Mabel joked, her hand finding Dipper’s again and giving it a reassuring squeeze, “The buddy system has never failed us yet.”

He squeezed Mabel’s hand gratefully, “I won’t let anything happen to you, Mabel,” he said gravely.

“Aw, you dorkus,” Mabel nudged an elbow into his side, “Haven’t you had enough sentimental mushy stuff for one night?”

“I dunnoooo,” Dipper couldn’t help shooting her a smile in the darkness, “If sentimental mushy stuff is what we’ve been doing, I think I’m developing a taste for it.”

Mabel laughed, “Okay, casanova, let’s save our sister first and then we can sentimentally mush till the cows come home.”

“Ha, okay, sounds like a plan,” Dipper agreed.

“High praise,” Mabel teased, “From the nerd who loves his plans so much.”

Dipper snorted a laugh, making no move to deny the jab. I could really go for a plan right about now, he admitted to himself, ‘the buddy system’ isn’t quite as sophisticated a plan as I would like. But he knew Mabel was right, the buddy system had never failed them. We’ve never failed each other, he told himself, and tonight was no time to start. If we could survive that first summer in Gravity Falls, he considered, we can handle some birds of prey.

“But, soft, Sir Plans-a-lot,” Mabel said, her grin audible through her mock-proper tone, “What dost thou thinketh we shalt do hence?”

“Sir Plans-a-lot?” Dipper repeated, unable to restrain the tone of admiration in his voice, “That’s a good one, Mabes.”

“Answer the question, Plans-a-lot,” Mabel needled, “What we doin’ hence?”

“...That means ‘next’, right?” Dipper clarified.

“Aye, Dipstick, verily,” Mabel said, a slight edge to her voice, “If you’d had a nice refresher on your Shakespeare earlier, ya might know that.”

“Okay, okay, message received,” Dipper replied, guilt lapping at the edges of his mind. There was no time to dwell on the Twelfth Night mishap at present, but he knew that if they got back home intact, there would be at least a week of apology favors to do. He wondered absently if apology favors would take on a different meaning in light of his and Mabel’s newfound shared feelings, but put the thought out of his mind. We’re going to get home, and I’ll worry about that then. For now...what next? And his own words, ludicrously formal, popped into his mind, ‘4B2, screen for evidence of preternatural presence’. The Lone Pine Mountain Devils were about a zillion times more dangerous and more unpredictable than Tahoe Tessie, but it seemed the inevitable next step, “Next, or hence, I guess, we should screen for evidence of preternatural presence… or Jolene.” he added. Finding Jo before the Devils would be ideal.

Mabel and Dipper lapsed into silence, walking tentatively forward. Everything is spooky as heck, Mabel thought, How are we supposed to know what the ‘preternatural’ bits are? She knew Dipper must be scared, he didn’t even like going to the mall without a plan, but he seemed calm. No doubt his mind was going a hundred miles a minute, but he wasn’t really showing it. I don’t know how he does this adventure junk, Mabel thought, trying to ignore the pain in her feet and ankles. Calling this place ‘spooky as heck’ was an understatement. Mabel had just about exhausted her reserve of humor and found herself focused simply keeping her fear at bay. Jo is here, she told herself firmly, And we’re going to find her and bring her home. No spookiness can come between the Mystery Kids.

All of Mabel’s resolve went out the window when her foot landed on something that gave a sickening, brittle snap. She felt its echo in her own bones, through the thin sole of her shoe, and knew with a nauseous certainty what it was before the illumination of Dipper’s flashlight could reveal it. Her shriek was out of her before she could think, the splintered tibia, the crumbling rows of ribs, the blindly staring skull a brilliant white. On instinct, Mabel had grabbed Dipper and he clutched her securely to his side as he swept the light around, counting softly against her forehead.

“Th-that was a person, Dipper,” Mabel pointed out superfluously.

“Yes,” Dipper agreed distractedly, “One of eight, by my count. And I know who they are.” There was a slightly vindicated tone to his voice, as if he were relieved they were real, that angered Mabel.

“Cut it out!” Mabel wrenched herself from his side, “Don’t sound so happy about it!”

“Mabes, please, I’m not happy I--”

Dipper’s words were interrupted by an infernal hiss that froze Mabel’s blood in her veins. He saw it, but she didn’t, in the instant before he shut off his flashlight. His hand grabbed herself, and they were running. Mabel’s toes were curled in his shoes, trying desperately not to lose them. In their aimlessness, they knocked into the sap-sticky trunk of one of the looming pines, “Climb,” Dipper breathed, practically inaudible, and without question, Mabel obeyed.

Continue to Part 7

[psychotherapyconsultants]

Do You Want A Values-Based Relationship?

Each person who finds themselves in a relationship has as an influence and reference point: their upbringing and what they witnessed between those who raised them. There are three choices when it comes to dating, mating and relating.

Emulate the family pattern

Resist or otherwise avoid the family pattern

A combination of these two

Any of these options may be engaged in either by conscious or unconscious intent or action. Each of them helps to mold and shape the values by which we choose partners.

Sally found herself attracting partners who were like her distant and brooding father. Try as she might, she was not able to get them to pay attention to her when she quietly attempted to communicate her needs, so she “upped the amps,” and escalated her behaviors to have them take heed of her needs as she had with her dad. That backfired time and again as they expressed that she was “too high maintenance” for them. Having a partner who gave her positive attention was an important value for Sally.

Jack was determined not to emulate his father who was an actively drinking alcoholic who he tried desperately to save. His dad was in and out of treatment throughout Jack’s life. He chose to be sober himself and when he married, found a woman who shared that lifestyle. Sobriety and stability were crucial values for Jack.

Millie was raised by her grandparents after both of her parents were killed in a car accident. She learned that nothing was predictable, and that abandonment could happen at any time. The upside to her upbringing was that her grandparents took good care of her. Throughout much of her life, she attracted partners who would remain with her for the short term, but would eventually leave without warning, leaving her in an emotional tailspin. It was when, through therapy, she became aware of the patterns, that she was able to see her way clear to a healthy relationship with her wife. Consistency and reliability were essential values for Millie.

Take a moment to recall the interactions of the adults in your life as you were growing up. What was their communication style? Did they go head to head or heart to heart? Was there deafening silence or shout-it-out conflict? Did those patterns send you running into the arms of those who were mirror images of your parents or polar opposite. Many are addicted to chaos since it is what they knew.

In my case, I have become abundantly aware of what baggage I carried with me from childhood to adulthood — relatively lightweight in comparison to those in my personal and professional lives, carry-on that would fit in the overhead compartment or under the seat in front of me. I do wish it was backpack size, but since I was raised by humans, I tote around some.

I was taught by my parents that communication was important and yet there were times when concerns went unexpressed for fear of hurting someone’s feelings. “Don’t tell so and so or it will upset them,” was the occasional mantra. In my marriage, words were said and sometimes shouted, even if either of our feelings were ultimately hurt. That flew in the face of the dictum of my childhood, borrowed from Thumper’s mother, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” Over the years, I have learned to express what was true for me without stepping on toes. Tact and diplomacy are two of my essential values.

In their book, called For Seven Lifetimes: An East-West Journey to A Spiritually Fulfilling and Sustainable Marriage, long married couple, Vatsala and Ehud Sperling share the story of their courtship over distance and time as they grow a values based relationship, rather than one based primarily on chemistry and attraction. Inconceivable for some, they didn’t meet for quite a while after their initial contact via a personals ad (long before the days of internet dating) in a newspaper. He was living in the United States and she was in India. He is Israeli born Jewish and she is Indian born Hindu. The book describes how through written correspondence, sharing of photographs which built to phone calls, escalated to an in-person meeting during which they decided that they indeed wanted to be together for those seven lifetimes. They recognized, as they were getting to know each other, that they had shared values that were the foundation of their sustained relationship. They taught them to their now adult son. They blended the best of both worlds.

This dynamic has become increasingly noticeable since the 2016 elections here in the United States. Although most people’s social circles are likely to be homogenous, there are some outliers whose political beliefs are in opposition to theirs. Political consultants Mary Matalin and James Carville, who wed in 1993, notwithstanding, most marriages don’t survive such dramatic differences in opinion about world view.

Dating “in the time of Trump” is fraught with even greater angst. As two people sit opposite each other at the table, they may find, to their dismay that they sit on the other side of the aisle socially and politically. Politics are about more than just which lever you pull in the voting booth. They are a reflection of how you see the world, the causes you support and reject. The ways in which you interact with people around you. On dating websites these days, people clearly state in their profiles that if those who peruse have specific views, they would be better off continuing to scroll on by and not initiate contact. Some sites state that they are either liberal or conservative.  Others that are neutral often have compatibility questions that ask definitively.

A study out of Yale and Stanford in the Journal of Politics found that as a result, we are on the lookout for partners whose beliefs mirror our own or at least, are compatible far more than in the past. When we can see our own values expressed by them, we feel more at ease getting to know them. One of the study’s authors, Neil Malhotra, says that love will be even more challenging as a result.  He says, “People no longer view the other side as the loyal opposition, but increasingly as fundamentally immoral.”

“Your beliefs become your thoughts, Your thoughts become your words,  Your words become your actions,  Your actions become your habits,  Your habits become your values,  Your values become your destiny.”  ― Gandhi

What are your values with regard to those with whom you want to share your life?

Expression of love and affection

Finances

Role responsibilities

Career path

Religion and practices

Cultural expression

Gender presentation

Politics

Leisure activities

Health lifestyle choices

Expression of anger

Communication of disagreement

Cleanliness standards in the home

Hygiene

Substance use

Walking the talk

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/do-you-want-a-values-based-relationship/