#although it WOULD be easier since there are no child units. but it also wouldn’t be easier because i would have to tolerate 3h gameplay

[fore-seer]

FATES SUPPORT LOG IS COMPLETE. THE MISSION… THE NIGHTMARES… THEY’RE FINALLY OVER

[goldentournesol]

The Receptionist and the Profiler (One)

Chapter One: Wins and Losses

(Spencer Reid x f!Reader)

Series Masterlist

General Masterlist

If you’d have told high school senior Y/N that she’d be working at the FBI after graduating college, she would have never believed you. Not only did she have zero interest in law enforcement, she also seemed to lack any athletic skills to back her up. She was nothing like her fiancé, who’d had his heart set on joining the bureau since middle school. She and Grant Anderson were friends in high school and ended up getting together during their junior year. Anderson proposed to Y/N during her second year of college. She’d graduated almost two years ago now, but the wedding date was unknown. They’d been dating for four years and engaged for another four years with the wedding nowhere to be seen. He’d been the first and only boy–and man, to ever pay her half a mind. To her, that was good enough. Hell, she’d been with him for eight years, if she’d wanted to leave him, she’d have left long ago. Right?

Imagine her surprise when he’d told her that his new boss, Aaron Hotchner, was looking for a receptionist for the BAU. Fresh out of college, landing a secure job? That was a miracle, and she really did have to thank her fiancé for it. But everyone around her was so cool and she was just…there. Her job was basically to sort through files, organize Hotch’s meetings, among other things like making reservations at the hotels the agents stayed at on their cases. 

The Agents of the BAU.

They were essentially the coolest people she knew.

First comes Agent Gideon, one of the founders of the BAU. His ability to read people scares her sometimes. How can one man’s beady little eyes have the ability to read people like they were some kind of book stowed away on a dusty shelf? A shelf only he can reach.

Then, comes Agent Hotchner, the unit chief. A stoic man with an even more stoic face. He’s a man who, to put it lightly, takes his job very seriously. On more than one occasion has she met his wife, Haley. They made a beautiful couple in her eyes and they’d just had their child, Jack Hotchner. She never knew how a baby’s face could be so wrinkly–yet so cute. Haley and Aaron were high school sweethearts, much like she and Grant. But that seemed to be the only aspect they shared. Despite his suffocatingly hard shell, Aaron was a loving man. That much was obvious. She wondered if Grant had ever looked at her the way Aaron looked at Haley.

Agent Derek Morgan, where to begin? He was tall, dark, and every bit handsome. His charming nature made all the ladies of the sixth (and fifth, and seventh, and eighth and–) floor swoon over him anytime he walked by. He is one of the bravest men she’d ever known. His ability to put himself in the place of the unsub was something she’d only heard stories about–but it gave her chills every time.

Next comes Agent Elle Greenaway, one of the most headstrong women Y/N has ever met. Her bluntness can come across as harsh, but she knew a woman in law enforcement had to stand her ground to be treated with as equal respect as her male counterparts. She admired her strength.

Agent Jennifer Jareau, or as Y/N knew her, JJ, was a kind hearted, compassionate woman who’s way with words absolutely blew Y/N away. The way JJ handled the media with such finesse was simply astonishing. She knew she could never string together the right words like JJ seemed to, up on those podiums, in front of all those nosy reporters. It was mind blowing to watch her in her element.

Penelope Garcia, or otherwise known as literal sunshine embodied in a technical analyst. She was the best at what she did, hacking, searching, filtering. It was a science, and Penelope Garcia made it look easy. She and Y/N had grown close since both of them stayed at the office while the other agents flew around the country, solving cases. They’d often spend endless lunches together in Garcia’s ‘batcave’ as she called it and was practically hellbent on teaching Y/N how to use Photoshop every chance she got.

And last but certainly not least, Dr. Spencer Reid. She’d never met a man with a more brilliant brain. He was known as the resident genius, the expert on well–everything. The man had an eidetic memory and the ability to read 20,000 words per minute. Is that not the most impressive thing on the planet? Nope, he just has to have three PhDs in three of the most complicated fields of study: mathematics, physics, and engineering, achieving all three before reaching 22 years of age. 

He had joined the bureau about a year after Y/N had started there. She could remember their first interaction like it was yesterday. 

He had been in and out of meetings before spotting Y/N at her desk, where she usually stayed during her lunch break, at least for the first year she was there. She was halfway through a cup of mixed berry yogurt when Spencer came up to her desk to ask where the breakroom was. Y/N directed him to the room and followed his gaze to the yogurt container in her hands before he left.

“Did you know that the origins of yogurt are pretty much unknown, although historians agree that there was no mention of it before 5000 BC? It’s thought to have been invented by the Mesopotamians.” He said as he pursed his lips and raised his brows, as if realizing he made a mistake too late.

“No, I didn’t know that! That’s super cool. You must be Dr. Spencer Reid, right?” She said, giving him her full attention, which made him slightly more nervous than he had been previously. He nodded, a shy smile on his face.

“And you’re…” he looked for her name holder, “Y/N Y/L/N.” 

She giggled and the sound activated some kind of blood rushing mechanism right up into his cheeks, “Yup! I’m the BAU’s receptionist slash Agent Hotchner’s assistant, you know, nothing fancy but I like to think I’m pretty good at sorting through files.” She raised a brow and gave him an adorable smile and suddenly Spencer wasn’t so nervous to talk to her. 

She seemed way more interactive and easygoing than just about 98% of the people in the building. He wondered if it was because she wasn’t an agent. Spencer also wondered if gaining a title like ‘Supervisory Special Agent’ would make him cold like the others, but then he remembered he has three doctorates and already introduced himself with the honorific. 

She picked up on his silence, “You know, you have nothing to worry about, I overheard Agent Gideon talking about you landing the job with Agent Morgan.” She nodded her head towards a tall, muscular man, who Spencer gathered must be Morgan. Spencer smiled back at her, her words easing even more of the tension he collected in his shoulders.

“I wouldn’t be so sure, you should see the massive list of exceptions they have to make to let me into the field.” He said with a ghost of a smile on his face. She had to physically repress a laugh. And right then and there, the seed of a beautiful friendship was planted.

Fast forward to two years after that interaction, Spencer and Y/N became pretty much attached at the hip whenever he was actually in the office and not flying around the country catching serial killers. Their desks were quite far from each other, hers right near the glass doors of the BAU and his across the room right near the railing that had Hotch and Gideon’s offices as well as the conference room. It gave them both perfect views of each other, which they used to send each other encouraging smiles throughout the day, maybe a funny face or two. He always had a way of making her smile, she hadn’t felt the fuzzy feeling of friendship in years. Besides Garcia, Spencer was the only person who had made an effort to get to know Y/N. In the past two years, she’d say Spencer knew her better than anyone else, possibly even Anderson, but that was surely because he was a talented genius profiler…

Budget meetings at the FBI were definitely the most boring types of meetings in the world. She had to be there because she was the one making all the reservations at the hotels, but once they began talking about the jet and fuel consumption–Y/N totally spaced out. Spencer enjoyed the meetings, though. It definitely had nothing to do with the fact that Y/N would sometimes space out and let her head fall against his shoulder. The weight of her head brought him inexplicable comfort and joy. He hates it when people come near him, when did it become so endearing to him for her to trust him enough with such a simple gesture? He found himself attending the meetings and sitting next to her whenever he got the chance, hoping that one day, maybe, just maybe she’ll allow her head to rest upon his shoulder again. Perhaps it was pathetic, but he found himself feeling overjoyed at the thought of budget meetings, they became the only thing he’d look forward to. 

He wondered if this was how Anderson felt when she rested her head on his shoulder, but then his knee would start bouncing and he’d practically feel the envious monster growing in the pit of his stomach, so he’d stop. It certainly didn’t make it any easier to stop when it was so easy to look over and find Anderson leaning against her desk and flirting with her. Technically, he has every right to flirt with his fiancée, but that didn’t stop jealousy from coursing through Spencer’s veins violently.

The team had just landed last night, they were coming back from a case revolving around the famous actress, Lila Archer. Apparently, she’d had a stalker. Y/N couldn’t wait to hear the details of the case, she had watched almost all of Lila’s movies. She eagerly awaited Spencer’s arrival. Just then, she heard the ding of the elevator and saw a very sheepish -and flushed- Spencer with a very playful Morgan hot on his tail.

“Morning, pretty girl!” Derek halted his seemingly incessant teasing to greet her as they walked towards her. Spencer was oddly quiet as he tried to pass by, offering her a small, awkward wave instead of his usual smiley ‘good morning!’, but Derek grabbed him by the strap of his messenger bag. He made it his mission to embarrass Spencer as much as humanly possible when he woke up this morning. What Derek didn’t know was that Spencer wanted Y/N to be the absolute last person to know of what happened. Spencer shifted uncomfortably and was positive he was sweating more than he ever had in his 24 years of life.

“Morning, Derek! So, tell me all about it! Did you meet her? Of course, you met her, duh! What was she like? Was she a stuck up diva like her character in Wins and Losses or was she more down to earth?” Y/N questioned curiously with a hint of excitement.

“Oh, I think pretty boy here has all the answers you could ever wish for. After all, it wasn’t me who made out with a hot movie star in her own pool.” Derek laughed, eyes squinting as he clapped Spencer on the shoulder proudly. Neither of the two men caught the way Y/N’s face dropped. Spencer was too focused on looking anywhere but at her and Derek was too triumphant to look anywhere but at Spencer’s -alarmingly- red face. He attempted to clear his throat when the few seconds of stunned silence became much too suffocating. Derek turned back to Y/N just in time to see her collect her jaw from off the desk and morph it into a smile.

“Spencer Reid, you did what?!” She attempted to laugh in order to lighten the mood, hoping the two profilers wouldn’t pick up on her dis-ingenuousness. 

They hadn’t, thankfully.

Spencer’s shy eyes met her curious ones as he tried to imitate Derek’s proud smile,and he could have sworn he saw a sort of unfamiliar heaviness in her gaze, but it disappeared as soon as it came. 

Could it be? Was she feeling jealous? There’s no way, she thought. But what else could be behind the not so subtle burning feeling in her chest? 

“Um, yeah. She kind of pulled me into the pool with her…” he recounted with a small voice, scratching the back of his head nervously.

“And?” Derek said in anticipation, despite already knowing.

“Alright! We kissed a few times, what’s the big deal?” He huffed, turning to look at Derek and resisting the urge to punch him in the face for embarrassing him in front of Y/N.

Garcia suddenly appeared next to them, catching the looks between the two agents and Y/N’s shocked expression, “Oh! Are we talking about boy wonder locking lips with miss Lila Archer in her pool?”

Spencer’s face dropped, “How do you know about that?!” he all but screeched.

“I’ve got eyes and ears everywhere.” Garcia wiggled her eyebrows at Spencer before sharing a knowing look with Derek which led to a prompt punch to Derek’s arm from him which then led to an over exaggerated yelp of pain.

“I’ve also got photos!” Garcia said, quickly pulling out her PDA and showing Y/N.

“Garcia! How?!” Spencer exclaimed, but it was too late. Y/N was already scrolling through the photos, laughing.

“Spencer, you sly dog!” She laughed, though the situation awoke an unprecedented, seemingly underlying feeling of envy. Spencer rolled his eyes in embarrassment and stormed off in the direction of his desk, leaving the three of them behind. 

The rest of the day went by smoothly, although Y/N had to keep fighting against the way her chest felt tight every time she remembered those photos. She had a feeling she was never going to watch Wins and Losses ever again.

next chapter

feedback is always appreciated!!

[lets-try-cooking-this]

Bulgogi and BTS

So, I am a BTS fan. For anyone that has met me, this is definitely not news. For the past few years, I have not been afraid to voice that I enjoy their music. I love their music, their content, their connection they have not only with each other but their fans as well and I genuinely enjoy their personalities and the messages that they have produced over the span of 9 years as of yesterday. 

To give some context as to why I became a fan, my story is similar to a lot of armies stories; I found them when I was approaching/at my lowest point. I was in my junior year of high school, having a sleep over with my friend when he asked if I had heard of BTS. At the time, I hadn’t. The only K-pop songs I knew was Psy’s Gangnam Style and a handful of songs that would occasionally come up in fanmade videos. But besides that, their music was outside of my bubble. So, when I told her that I hadn’t and that I was willing to listen to a few, I saw the mischievous grin spread across his face like the Cheshire Cat as his fingers whipped across the keyboard of my laptop, onto YouTube and selecting BTS’ Blood Sweat and Tears Music video.

And trust me, if ya know, ya know.

gyfcat.com, imgur.com

I was captivated. It was outside of many of the music videos or music in general that I had encountered before. Sure, I had encountered a lot of music videos by that point with a story to them and artwork, but it was extremely different from what I had encountered before. The elegant costumes, the references to artwork, the gorgeous colors and color schemes used and the story they told was as intriguing. It was essentially about how evil tempted the members to choose the wrong path. 

BTS, Blood Sweat and Tears

And you know what? I loved it. I found it to be a lot more interesting than a lot of the music videos I found in the United States and it felt more poetic than a lot of the music that I listened to before. 

The more we explored the album it came from, the more connected I felt. Between First Love, a solo by Suga, reminiscing on his first memories of the piano and how it became a place he always returned to while Mama, J-Hope’s solo, about the relationship between a mom who tried her best to make sure her son succeeded at what he wanted and her child who wants to be there for her now and so many other songs from their discography, I felt more connected to them than I did any other group I listened to before. 

Since then, I listened to more of their music, watched their variety show called BTS Run, where they would play games and try to beat challenges for prizes, watched their funniest moments and their saddest moments. I have been listening to them for years. They even grew my interest enough to look more into the culture they came from and, combined with other factors, began learning Korean and learning about Korean history. 

Brian Friedman of Variety, BTS at the 64th Annual Grammys

And for five years, its been similar to that. I’d listen to their songs when they came out, used their music to build vocabulary from, watch their content and continue on with my day. Although, at the same time, I felt bad. With comebacks practically every six months, I was wondering when they ever got a break in. I mean, they are one of the biggest groups in the world, if not the biggest depending on who you ask, taking a break, even if its for a few months, wouldn’t be the end of the world or their careers. I also knew that this would not be that easy. 

The thing about big groups is that if they bring in a lot of money like  BTS has, there is a huge pressure to continue producing music and to not fall out of spotlight. In Korea, this is amplified due to the nature of how the work industry, and by extension the Korean entertainment industry, works. In the back of my mind, I hoped one day they would have a chance to do something outside of the group to extend their careers outward, but I also knew it was easier said then done.

BIGHIT Music, BTS-Proof

However, with the promotions of their new album and the introductions of the songs on the album, it felt a little too much like a goodbye. Their album, Proof, goes over not only their entire discography, but also some new songs of their own, fan favorites and demos of some of their most popular or some of their more mischievous songs. Their promotion photos depicted things very different from their usual image. Like the shields in the background of their first set showing 8 rings with bulletholes, scratches and significant damage, indicating the hate and major problems they faced in the past. Their photos, using see-through curtains with a soft, but somber color palette reminded me of reminiscing a person from their past. 

But this was just me, right? Most people that were seeing that this might be a goodbye were being told it wasn’t like that, it just meant a second chapter to BTS. Yet it still didn’t feel right. Usually a second chapter doesn’t just indicate a new change, but sometimes a significant one. No one else was saying that though, so I thought I was overthinking it. That it wasn’t a goodbye like I thought, but a new chapter for new music like everyone thought. 

And in a sense, we were half right. 

Over their festa dinner, where they usually celebrate their anniversary, talk about old memories and in a sense “hang out” with ARMY, it was revealed that BTS would be going on hiatus. While how long they will be on hiatus is uncertain, it is clear that the members wanted to pursue their own solo careers. RM made a statement saying that, “‘I always thought BTS was different from other groups, but the problem with K-pop and the whole idol system is that they don’t give you time to mature…’”  (BBC). Also, during this interview, BTS made it clear that while it wasn’t a goodbye, since they want to come back when they are more mature, find their own identities outside of the group and come back stronger than ever. 

Rappler.com, BTS says they’re taking a break before heading to their next chapter

This, while it is sad to know that they won’t be producing music for a while and it would be a while before content like theirs would be made again, I am excited to see the start of their new chapters. So, to show that, I wanted to find a recipe of a food that the members enjoy. And, through rewatching some of their clips, I found that they all really enjoy meat. So while I can’t make samgyeopsal (a.k.a. pork belly), which is what many people enjoy, I decided to go with bulgogi, which reminds me a lot of the group’s music itself. 

Bulgogi (불고기), which directly translates to fire beef, is a Korean barbeque dish that is vastly enjoyed across much of Korea and, conversely, Korean communities and restaurants around the world. Often times seen using a form of steak, bulgogi is rich in sweetness and spice depending on how you make it and it can be eaten many different ways. The two ways I chose was with rice and with some lettuce and other banchan (반찬) to make it into wraps. The sweetness of the pears used in the dish reminds me of the loving messages they often send to ARMY when they teach self love, growth and kindness while, at the same time, the heat of the gochujang (고추장) reminds me of the savageness they can display against their haters (like through Mic Drop and the Cypher tracklist). I used the beef bulgogi recipe from Damn Delicious as a base, as it was the best one with what kitchen gadgets I had available to me. 

Recipe:

 Ingredients: 

1 pound of boneless ribeye steak

Around 10 ozs of shitake mushrooms

½ of a small pear, peeled and coarsely grated (I used the Korean pears I found at my local market, but pears and similarly apples work just as well).

¼ cup of reduced sodium soy sauce

2 tablespoons of light brown sugar

2 tablespoons of toasted sesame oil

3 cloves of garlic (I used 4 for this recipe because I’m a sucker for it)

¾ tablespoons of ginger

1 tablespoon of gochujang

2 tablespoons of vegetable oil

2 green onions, sliced

2 teaspoons of sesame seeds (again, I’m a sucker, I added more, you can use less)

Directions

Wrap up the steak and put it into the freezer for 30 minutes. This will allow the steak to be easier to manage when it comes time to cut it. 

2. In the meantime, in a medium bowl, add pear, soy sauce, brown sugar, sesame oil, garlic, ginger and gochujang. Combine together. (from this point, taste the sauce you are working with, add more or less of some ingredients depending on what you are going for).

3. To a ziplock bag, add your thinly sliced beef (sliced to a quarter inch thickness) then pour the marinate inside. Seal it tightly, mix it together, then put it into the fridge.

Side note: This step is dependent on how long you want to marinate your steak for. For this recipe, I only did it for an hour, so I mixed it together in the bowl, covered it in plastic wrap and let it marinate in the fridge, but typically you should marinate it for 2 hours-overnight. 

4.Place your pan (typically you would use a cast iron skillet, but I do not own one so), heat 1 tablespoon of vegetable oil on medium high heat. Working in batches, add your beef into the pan in a single layer and around 1/3rd to a half of your mushrooms at a time to the pan with it, flip it once until the meat is cooked or until it is charred if you are using a cast iron skillet; roughly 2-3 minutes per side. Repeat with the remaining tablespoon of oil and steak. 

5. Serve immediately, garnished with green onion and sesame seeds. (I added it on top of rice, you do not need to)

And there ya go! You can play with the recipe, with any type of banchan and can experiment however you wish. Let me know what other recipes I should try and see you next time!

Citations:

HYBE LABELS "BTS (방탄소년단) '피 땀 눈물 (Blood, Sweat and Tears), YouTube, 9 October 2016 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmE9f-TEutc

Genius English Translations "BTS - First Love (English Translation)" Genius, Genius Media Group, 14 June 2022 https://genius.com/Genius-english-translations-bts-first-love-english-translation-lyrics

Genius English Translations "BTS - MAMA (English Translation)" Genius, Genius Media Group, 14 June 2022 https://genius.com/Genius-english-translations-bts-mama-english-translation-lyrics

Chungah, "Korean Beef Bulgogi" Damn Delicious, 2019

"BTS announces break to grow and pursue solo projects" BBC, 14 June 2022 https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-61803343

[emiruem]

I was telling this hitsukarin AU to Abby, but then I realized that it seemed to have become just a mountain of text, although at the beginning I was just explaining the concept. I'm not a writer and I have big problems with language, but I wanted to tell this story ahhabahahah.

An adult Karin, who became a member of the women's football team of the Japanese national team, therefore, often tours to different countries.

She hadn't seen Toshiro since high school, when he helped her protect the city from the empty ones when Ichigo lost his strength. She was in love with him ( but of course they both never realized that their feelings were mutual)

After Toshiro left, then she decided that she would forget these feelings and move on with her life. Then she started dating one of her childhood friends, they studied together and he was in love with her for a long time too.... they had a long relationship

One day during the football cup, which was held in Korea, Karin realizes that she is pregnant with her boyfriend's child. For this reason, she decides to skip the season and return to Karakura.

At the same time, General Shunsui decides that it is time for the soul society to change in order to lag so far behind the human world, but for now this is only his initiative and he needs to discuss a lot of things with the council 46 later, so he sends captains who have lived in the human world for some time ( captains-vayzards and Toshiro) to prepare reports on the human world, which will allow the general to convince the council 46.

Karin returns to Karakura and when she comes home, she realizes that her boyfriend is cheating on her with some other girl while she is away for work.

and...karin is hysterical from the fact that the person with whom she lived for so long betrayed her, and she is also pregnant from him and does not know what to do, she has already told yuzu about the pregnancy and is already afraid that ichigo and her father will think about all this. She has nowhere to go because she absolutely will not return to this guy in their shared apartment so she returns to the kurosaki house where there is no one.

Ishshin went to Naruki for a medical samet, Yuzu lives with Jzinta in another place and Karin does not want to bother them, Ichigo and Rukia are now in the soul society.She simply locks herself in "her former room" and succumbs to hysteria and apathy.

Her ex-boyfriend calls her constantly, but she does not receive these calls because she does not want to hear anything from him.

She hears the doorbell ring and thinks that most likely it was he who came. Therefore, she loudly shouts "get out, I'm even sick of seeing your face" through the door.

In response, she hears Toshiro's voice: "I knew that so much time had passed and you wouldn't want to see me"

she is surprised to understand who exactly came.... in even greater hysteria, she slowly opens the door looks into toshiro's face, not understanding what is happening at all

He sees her and understands that everything in her life is "WELL, NOT OKAY AT ALL" his feelings, which have only grown and grown so much over the years that he came to see her right after he received his gigai, were greatly inflamed in his chest from anger at something that caused her such obvious mental harm.

She let him into the house because she just couldn't do it any other way. she told him well, in general, everything that happened because she just couldn't do it any other way. She needed to tell at least someone this, he just listened to her and she knew that he would not condemn her for her situation and story.

She end with the questions " what should I do now, Toshiro ? This child, what should I do with him?

* a moment of emotional tension*

Toshiro comes up to her and hugs her , he says that since he is here now, he can't leave it as it is, he will help her in everything that will be in his power.

He almost says, " I can stay and be close to you and this child". He already loves Karin and knows that he will love the child that will be born to her. In addition, his mission is very long and he can afford to stay close to her for at least the next 10 years in the most difficult period. Of course he has nothing in this world and he will have to try very hard to have a child and take care of Karin.

Karin understands exactly what Toshiro means and cannot reject him... she is afraid of being left alone and losing her first love again, his embrace is warm and his presence really gives her confidence that everything will be fine with her and her child.

Toshiro calms Karin and gives her a sense of security and tenderness that she has been missing for a long time in past relationships.

She is already beginning to believe that she will live quite happily with Toshiro , who told her about his mission and completely showed his true feelings for her.

That guy also appears soon, but Toshiro will send him away with the phrase " you are not worthy of being the father of the child that Karin will give birth to"

it even comes to a fight....but what is the point of a person fighting with a trained shinigami and everything is fine BUT

one day, Toshiro wakes up in their already new rented apartment from a scream

Karin, screaming in pain, wakes him up and says that she urgently needs a doctor, Toshiro is horrified to see blood flowing down her legs. Terrified, he still calls an ambulance and tries to use therapeutic kido to help Karin

Karin still loses consciousness and is admitted to the Isida's hospital. Genicologists and obstetricians diagnose "miscarriage provoked by a strong nervous and hormonal breakdown" while there was also a " threat of death of a woman in labor"

Toshiro can only wait at the intensive care unit with a stony face, but internally realizing that now most likely there is going on in horror that now he can lose both Karin and their child, he just sits silently completely in shock

Abby s point:(totes unrelated note but what if she dies but he can't go back to soul society because of his mission, by the time he goes back to ss, she's already with family, without any memory of her living days anyway )

He no longer even believes that everything will end well, because he is primarily a shinigami and understands when people are on the edge of life and death.

When the operation was just over and Karin was still unconscious. The obstetrician recognized Toshiro as the father of the child and laid out all the information about the condition of Karin and her fetus to him

Toshiro, who no longer hoped for anything at all, realized that the worst had happened on the face of the obstetrician. Therefore when he was informed that Karin was still alive his eyes were already ready to shed a few tears of happiness

but this was replaced by frustration when the obstetrician said about the death of the fetus. The doctors reassured him saying that judging by the tests and Karin's general condition, she will be able to have children later when her body recovers

but toshiro silently realized what a blow it would be for Karin who found it difficult to love this child and as soon as she love him she immediately lost him

the obstetricians told him to issue documents for Karin's admission to the ward and he was not there when she woke up and the doctor told her about what had happened to her

Karin felt only pain and fear for the child even more than for her own life, but when she woke up, it became a little easier for her in the hospital. She felt tired and empty. Obstetricians reported that it was not possible to save the fetus Later, doctors will say that Karin was very lucky, cuz her body was always trained and always led a healthy lifestyle.

she realizes that she has lost her child and this leads her to complete emotional burnout. When Toshiro walks into her hospital room and sees her awake, she slowly turns her head in his direction and says softly: "I lost him"

"Yes, I know, and I'm sorry I was completely useless," Toshiro takes her hand,his facial expression twists and he looks away.

Karin does not react in any way she looks into  empty space

......

Toshiro understands that she will need a lot of time, so he decides that he will give her as much as he can give and he  will not leave her as long as he can be near in this world.

[spencersawkward]

switchblade faith//spencer reid - chapter 7

summary: one month after joining the BAU, Clea is still settling in. between solving murders and getting acclimated to DC, the only comfortable thing in her life is her friendship with Dr. Spencer Reid.

relationship: Fem!OC/Spencer

word count: 4.3k

idc if i've used this gif before it's AMAZING and i love it.

masterlist

somewhat unfortunately, Halloween rolls around. between the most intense case of my career and the rest of the ones that have come in, the meaningless holiday has barely crossed my mind. it's only Penny's eager reminder to find a costume that brings it to the front of my mind. I could half-ass it and pick something stupid, but then I would feel bad. everyone else in the office is just so excited about it, I don't want to be a sour influence. 

plus, we deserve to have some fun. 

I decide on a simple costume and on the 31st of October, I find myself in Penelope Garcia's bathroom with a tube of cherry red lip gloss and a somewhat reluctant expression. 

"oh, c'mon." her voice is muffled through the door.

"quick question," I tighten the scarlet string around my neck, looking at myself in the mirror. "how full-out did you go?" 

"baby, you know I only go to the extreme." she quips. I roll my eyes playfully, then open the bathroom door, stepping into the purple hallway with what can only be feigned confidence. 

it's not that I don't look pretty; I think I look good. but it's the sheer silliness of it that makes my walk a little less than proud. I stopped dressing up for Halloween before I hit twelve. and now I'm twirling (at Penelope's command) in a short dress. 

"I'm not even joking, Little Red: you look hot." she says, eyeing me up and down. there's an enormous purple seashell clipped in her blonde curls, sparkles all over her skin. she looks exactly like herself-- beautiful and whimsical in every aspect. 

"thanks." I blush. 

"come show us!" JJ calls from the living room. Emily would be with us, but she said she had to run an errand beforehand. I glance at Penelope once and widen my eyes. why am I so nervous? I'm acting like a child. 

"go on, then!" Pen practically shoves me forward and I stumble a bit in my heels before walking out of the hallway and making my grand entrance by the couch. JJ is holding an enormous bowl of popcorn, dressed like Britney Spears. her jaw drops. 

"do a spin!" she squeals. I do so, and the red cape flutters around me like the petals of a blooming flower. she sets the bowl down, claps. "I love it!" 

"thanks." when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror on her wall, my cheeks are rosy. my hair tumbles over my shoulders and the cut of my dress is a bit low, but the cleavage is actually kind of a good addition. red ribbon falls just to my décolletage, a slight tease. 

"we should head out soon, though," JJ checks her phone. "wouldn't want Hotch to leave by the time we arrive."

"is he even coming?" I ask. 

"said he would. Pen made quite the case for herself." JJ pops a kernel into her mouth and I look to the tech analyst, who has a mischievous smirk on her candy pink lips. she raises an eyebrow. 

"I told him I'd bring candy corn."

"seriously?" I can't keep the surprise out of my voice. didn't realize someone that serious could be plied with the promise of candy. 

"yes, now come on." Penny scoops up her purse, which is shaped like a giant pearl, and goes to her cabinet to grab the candy corn. before long, we're out the door, chattering aimlessly on our way to the office. 

when we get there, I start to get nervous. although I'm not sure why, I get self-conscious about my dress and hood, about the secret black garter around my thigh. it's my personal secret, something I wore for myself. 

there are a few decorations up. some people from around the office are talking, and everyone is dressed to the nines. Garcia opens the door for me and I head straight for Emily's desk, where the rest of the team is gathered. Rossi works his way through a handful of hard candies in his palm. Emily is stunning in her black cat costume.  

"hey, you guys." she breaks into a grin when she sees JJ and Pen and me, the rest of the group parting to look at us. my eyes snag on Spencer, with his Frankenstein mask resting on the top of his head so he can talk normally. even Hotch is pleased to see the three of us. 

"thanks, Garcia!" he cheers as she hands him the bag of candy corn. 

"you know, you're lucky he left the house for that." Rossi raises his eyebrows and points at the unit chief. 

"oh, we know." JJ smirks. 

"you look great!" Emily gives each of us a hug. she smells like something slightly spicy and warm, a nice scent that makes me want to hold on tighter. I don't know how to explain it; Prentiss has a very calming presence to me. I always find myself hanging around her whenever I need to decompress after cases, even if it just means talking about regular life. 

"you do, too!" I grab a handful of caramel corn from the bowl she offers. "it looks pretty nice in here, actually." 

"don't sound so surprised. think we couldn't handle a few decorations and snacks?" Rossi questions. it's getting easier to be around him now, honestly. despite my initial hesitance about his seniority, he's never made me feel small for my lack of experience in this specific field. 

"she's against the whole holiday." Garcia makes a face as she berates me. Spencer shakes his head like I'm insane.

"that's not true!" I protest. "I never said I was against it, I just don't get why people are so excited about Halloween every year." 

"because it's fun." Spencer speaks up. I roll my eyes. 

"I'm not convinced." 

"well, I'm glad you said so, because I've actually planned a little activity for us!" Garcia is practically bursting with excitement as she says it, like she's been holding it in the whole evening. she probably has. 

my stomach twists. to be honest, I had been hoping for a relaxing evening and then an early night. an "activity" sounds like it'll interrupt those plans. but she's so elated that I can't help smiling. 

"what is it?" Prentiss feigns wariness. 

"well," Garcia simpers in a way that makes me think we're in for an interesting night. "I took the liberty of hiding certain candies around the office last night before we went home." 

"hiding them?" JJ repeats with a smirk. 

"in little plastic pumpkin cases. they're absolutely adorable, like Easter egg size--" 

"you're sending us on an Easter egg hunt?" Rossi looks at her disbelievingly. I let out a nonplussed noise. Penelope is ready to defend herself, however, pointing a finger at him and sounding as firm as she can manage. 

"it's going to be cute, dammit. whoever gets the most candies gets a special surprise at the end." 

"what's the surprise?" Emily asks. 

"it wouldn't be a surprise if I told you, now would it?" Penelope replies. 

there's a silence in the circle as we all try to figure out how to react. it's childish, for sure. nobody is arguing that point; but it also sounds kind of not that bad to me.

"oh come on, guys!" she addresses our lack of enthusiasm. "we've had a hard couple of weeks. let's at least try and have some fun." 

JJ starts to laugh, putting her arm around the tech analyst's waist while she snuggles into her shoulder. 

"if it'll make you happy, Pen." 

"it will!" Garcia nods vigorously and turns to us. I catch myself breaking into a smile. there are much worse things than going on a Halloween candy hunt, especially given the usual circumstances of being in the office. 

"alright!" I throw up my hands and Emily is next to concede. Spencer has been quiet this whole time, but he straightens up from his usual slouching position and tries to hide the grin spreading over his lips. Rossi and Hotch glance at each other. 

"alright." the Italian shrugs. 

"what do we have to do, then?" I ask. 

"well, there are a bunch of pumpkins hidden all over. you'll know them when you see them." she clasps her hands together. "I'm timing you, too, so you're going to have half an hour." 

"wait a second," Emily frowns. "what if some of the other people who aren't in on it find the candies first?" 

there's a sound of general assent from all of us. we aren't the only employees here. Penelope doesn't seem bothered by this, however. 

"then I guess you'd better move fast." she pulls out her phone and presses a button, and we disperse with a quickness that really does make me feel like a kid again. I never did Easter egg hunts as a child, but this is a welcome distraction. low stakes competition. 

I start to wander around, starting at my desk. there's a pumpkin behind my computer monitor, and one in my desk drawer, although that's it for my personal workspace. my feet carry me to other place around the office, my fingers trailing over the tops of cabinets and under desks. Penelope sits in Prentiss' chair with a sucker-- a smug, luminous mermaid as she watches all of us scramble. 

"you got Hotch to search for hidden candy. impressive." I pass her on my way to Anderson's desk. she hasn't hidden anything in too private a place, but maybe there's something in his paperclip dish. 

"I'm a witch." she wiggles her brows. 

"I thought you were a mermaid." I wink. she grabs the hem of my dress and tugs on it. 

"just go find your candy, silly." 

"is there anything in Hotch's office?" I nod towards the almost intimidating room. her eyes flicker around to see who might be around us. fortunately, everyone is too wrapped up in their current task to even look our way. I look like I'm just wasting time. 

"you didn't hear it from me," she whispers. "but yes." 

a sparkle of satisfaction burns in my chest.

"love you, Penny." I make my way towards the office. the door is shut and the actual usual inhabitant of it hasn't gone inside, so he must have overlooked the idea that Garcia would hide candy in there. I'm sure they'll be easy finds, too, since she's terrified of crossing any boundaries with him and wouldn't press her luck by touching his things. 

I head over to the couch by the door and see a plastic pumpkin resting on the table next to it, nestled between the wall and the surface. 

"ha!" I snatch the thing up, then keep poking around. there's another one on the bookshelf. without anywhere else to put them, I put the found objects in the hood of my cape, dropping them in before moving onto the next. 

I'm under the desk when I hear the door get pushed open slightly more. my head pops up from the inconspicuous spot and there's Reid, pockets stuffed while he peers around the space. 

"hey." I say. he jumps when he sees me kneeling on the floor. 

"oh, hi," he frowns. "why are you on the ground?"

I grab the little orange pumpkin package that's tucked against one of the desk legs, then show him smugly. "winning." 

"how many do you have?" he pretends to be curious, but I can sense an undercurrent of competitiveness. I stand and shrug. he eyes my costume to see if I have any spots that hint at a candy stash. he doesn't think to check the hood of my cape. 

"that's for me to know and you to find out." 

Spencer squints briefly. "are you secretly good at this?" 

"am I?" I raise my eyebrows. "don't try to profile me, Reid." 

"I'm not profiling you!" he lets out one of those rare laughs, the musical sound that lives in his throat. I wish he would laugh more; there's something kind of cute about his face when he does. 

"mhmm." I say doubtfully and come to stand in front of him. "let's see it, then." 

"see what?"

"what you have so far." I say the words and he immediately places his hands over his pockets. 

"no way! you didn't show me yours." he protests quickly. I wrinkle my nose. 

"oh come on, Reid." I roll my eyes. "if you show me yours, I'll show you where I keep mine." 

he watches me skeptically again. "why?" 

"because I think we could be allies." 

there's a silence after the suggestion. truthfully, the idea just popped into my head. we could win pretty easily, though, if we coordinate.

"really?" the corners of his lips flicker upwards. he's unsure whether or not he should give in.

"are you kidding? with your smartness and my generally conniving nature, we could really do some damage." I tease. he giggles. 

"I've never heard someone describe themselves as conniving." 

"call it self-awareness," I smirk. "are you in or not?" 

he glances behind him at the bullpen, our friends still searching for the pumpkin packages while Garcia twists a pen between her fingers. when she wants to, she can look intimidating. I raise an eyebrow and wait for Spencer's response. his face turns to mine. those irises are such a pretty shade. 

"okay." 

"alright, boy genius!" I cheer, then reach up to undo my cape. he looks slightly panicked for a second as I undo the red ribbon, but relaxes when I grab the hood and show him the stash of pumpkins. "see?"

it’s crammed with orange packages.

“that's pretty smart." he admits with an impressed smile.

"right?" I agree. "come on, then. I think I've practically swept this place clean." 

he follows me out the door in our search. 

...

by the time the thirty minutes are up, Spencer and I have made shocking progress in consolidating our supply. we've decided that if we beat everyone, we'll share the surprise. if it's something we can't split, we'll rock-paper-scissors for victory (two out of three, of course). but I'm not too concerned about it. 

when we wander over to Penelope's spot at the desk, we're practically strutting. 

"someone's confident." she notes. I take my cape off again and slam the thing down on the surface. Spencer has an amused look on his face. 

we ended up spending a lot of time arguing about the best spots to hide candy, though I mostly let him take the lead— in terms of hiding places, he's been here longer and knows more than I do. and, unrelated, but he's pretty funny when he's not busy thinking about a case. his references are a little nerdy, but I kind of enjoy listening to the explanations. 

"we kicked ass." I cross my arms over my chest and Spencer nods. everyone around us is suspicious; JJ points between us. 

"did you two team up?" 

"maybe." I glance at Spencer, who's already looking at me to gauge my reaction to the question. 

"that's cheating!" JJ laughs. Spencer shakes his head. 

"actually, Garcia never laid out any formal rules for the game."

"mhmm!" I nod in agreement, grateful to have him there with his factual authority. JJ sighs, but nobody can stay mad at Spencer. we share a grin before Emily eyes the separate piles on the desk. 

Garcia went out of her way to hide a lot of treats. that said, it's clear that the combined amount from Reid and me beats out everyone else's. we high five once she announces us the official winners. 

"what's our prize?" Spencer asks as everyone lightheartedly boo's our victory. 

"a gift card to that new fried chicken place that we ordered from a while ago." Garcia presents a shiny plastic card to me. it's a great treat, honestly, becuase I'm hungry and takeout is one of my favorite things in the world. 

the team congratulates us on our win and things start to wind down. Hotch makes an excuse to get home and Rossi muses about a pack of cigars that await him. I feel the energy in the office start to dissipate, but now I feel like I'm on a bit of a victory high. I got all dressed up and now everyone wants to leave? disappointing.

as Prentiss and JJ shrug on their coats, I run my fingertip over the edge of the gift card. Spencer is packing some extra books into his bag. he told me to keep the gift card and that it wasn't a big deal, but I don't feel right not sharing. especially not when we didn’t rock-paper-scissors for it.

"Reid." I walk over to his spot, lean against the desk. he glances up in surprise. 

"yeah?"

"do you wanna share this with me?" I wave the reward in the air. his brows draw together for a fraction of a second. he seems confused. 

"right now?" 

"sure, why not?" I gesture to the bullpen, which is emptying quickly. "it's not even that late." 

he checks his watch as if to confirm my assertion, then stuffs his slim wrists into his pockets and stares at me for a second. I start to get the sense he’s going to say no, and something in me sinks. his tongue darts out over his bottom lip. he's got his mouth open a lot. "y-yeah, that sounds fun." 

I nod at the good news. "okay, cool. I'm too lazy to actually drive there, so I'll just order delivery?"

"okay." he gives me a small smile while I pull out my phone to call the place. I'm a little bit glad that it's just us. 

...

"try it." I pop the plastic cover off the sauce cup before setting it next to him. 

"that looks gross." Spencer shakes his head quickly through a mouthful of food. my jaw drops and I snatch the sauce right back, dipping the chicken into it and taking a hefty bite. 

"it's literally the perfect combination of salty and smooth." I protest. Reid looks dubious, however, and leans his head back against the side of the desk. we started the evening in the swivel chairs, but we're both fidgety at heart and now we're on the floor. 

he takes a swig of his drink. "I never knew lemonade could taste so good." 

"same." I laugh. "can I have your sauce thing, then?" 

he responds by dismissively pushing the thing over to me. we're sitting side-by-side, and somehow I think that's easier for him. we don't have to look each other in the eyes as we talk. 

"I'm proud of us." I announce. Spencer snorts. 

"why?" 

"we found so much candy! which we can now eat for dessert." I reach up to grab my cape off my desk, and the hood thuds to the ground. 

"we're a good team." he says it lightheartedly. Spencer is right, though; we work really well together on cases. it makes sense that it would translate into candy hunts. he's way smarter than I am, but it functions well. 

"we should do the Amazing Race." 

"I don't think either of us would like that." he takes a bite of his fry and I finish up the last of my chicken. 

"you wanna hear a secret?" my head turns to his. 

"what?" he reciprocates. his features appear especially delicate right now, almost suspended. I can see a darkness in his lids that contradicts the youth of his mien. I'm so close, I could kiss his nose if I wanted to. I don't, but I could. 

"aside from the team aspect, I don't really know what the Amazing Race is." I giggle. Spencer breaks into a laugh and turns away again, filling the office with the sound. I blush.

"then why did you bring it up?" his voice gets slightly high-pitched when he tries to speak through it. 

"I don't know, I feel like people say that all the time." 

"nobody has ever asked me to be in the Amazing Race with them." Spencer is still giggling when he looks over at me. I bite my lip before asking the thing that plagues me. 

"so, what is it?"

"the Amazing Race?"

"no, Newton's Laws." I deadpan. "yes, the Amazing Race." 

he throws his hands up and I chuckle. he straightens. 

"it's a reality game show where they race to travel the world." 

"that's it? no stats for me, genius boy?" I gesture for him to elaborate. Spencer shrugs. 

"I don't really care about reality shows." 

"you don't--" I blink exaggeratedly, as if the fact is shocking. "you don't care about reality shows?"

"we get enough reality here as it is."

"oh, Spence...." I sigh. "there are few things faker than reality tv."

"why do you like them?" he's genuinely curious. I see the glimmer of the Work Spencer with which I've become familiar. always trying to get under the surface, digging for answers even when they don't seem immediately relevant. 

"I like to turn my brain off sometimes, you know?" I close the lid of my food and take a drink of my lemonade while I wait for him to respond. although he doesn't look at me as he nods, I can tell he understands what I mean. if anything, he knows the feeling better than I do. 

"yeah, I get that." 

"everyone just acts really stupid and they care way too much about things that usually, like, don't even matter. it's sort of comforting in a weird, depressing, god-I'm-glad-that's-not-me way." 

"that's interesting," he peeks over at me for just a second. "you know, there's actually been studies done that show people with higher annual incomes suffer from higher levels of depression and anxiety."

"I believe it." I make a noncommittal sound and reach into the hood of my cape to grab a piece of candy. with the movement, I shift and the hem of my dress lifts enough to expose the garter on my thigh, and the object tucked within it. Reid's eyes pass briefly over me, but he does a double-take when he sees the thing. 

"is that--?" he points at my leg. I hitch up the garment a little so I can remove the knife that's been pressed to my thigh the whole evening. 

"a weapon? yeah, technically." I chuckle. Spencer's jaw drops in disbelief. even as I hold it in my hands, he seems afraid to touch it. 

it's not really a weapon. I got it from one of my friends as a gift a while ago, a lovely little resin dagger that's filled with red flower petals and gold flakes. it glints under the office lights. 

"you're really not supposed to have that in here." he gulps, glances up at the corners of the room, where I'm sure security cameras are mounted. I hand it to him, pressing the blade into his palm. 

"then stop looking at all the cameras so suspiciously." I scoff. he turns a bit to look at the thing, tilts the edges under the glow to examine it with a strange expression. his long, elegant fingers move over the handle.  

"where did you get this?" 

"it was a present. it's not dangerous." I shrug. the edges are pretty dull; it's more of a decorative piece. I would equate its actual risk level to that of a particularly pointy pen. 

"why did you bring it?" he hands it to me gingerly, our hands touching briefly before I slide it back into the garter on my thigh. his eyes follow my movements, and something in my stomach flips unexpectedly. 

"I collect them." 

"knives?" he doesn't seem taken aback, only interested, judging by the way he frowns quizzically. I nod and face him.

"yeah. I started as a kid, but I have a whole variety of them-- antique, new, ornate, plain-- I love 'em all." I explain enthusiastically. Spencer opens his mouth and I realize that he must have a million questions. he always has a million questions. 

"why knives?" 

I pull my mouth to the side of my face. it's not like there's some deep, dark reason behind my predilection for collecting sharp objects. and I’ve tried to answer that question myself, always coming up empty. some things people just... like. "I don't know." 

like I've put a damper over the conversation. 

"o-oh." Spencer's eyes drop into his lap, where he's been fidgeting with his hands for the past couple minutes. he thinks I'm withholding, that he's crossed some sort of line. my heart sinks. 

"I'm serious, Reid-- I don't know." I laugh it off. "I just think they're cool the same way that you think math is cool." 

"math is cool." he looks up for a second to smile. I nudge his shoulder with mine. his slight frame means he almost tips over and I laugh.  

"hard disagree, but sure."

Spencer stretches his legs out before him, and I'm reminded of how tall he is. he's prone to slouching, so it's easy to forget that his body is actually pretty lengthy. when he taps his Converse together absently, I notice the different colors of his socks. one has watermelon slices and the other has the Road Runner on them.  

"I like your mask, by the way." I compliment. 

"oh, you mean this?" he tugs the thing down over his face. it's gruesome, really, tinged green with baggy skin below the eye holes. I make a disgusted face and push his shoulder away from me.  

"ew!" 

"something wrong?" he uses a funny monster voice when he says it, wiggling his fingers playfully. I cackle. he’s never done that.

"god, that thing is ugly." 

Spencer removes the mask again, a ghost of a grin on his face. for all of his shyness, he's enjoying himself right now. 

we sit there in silence for a bit, cracking open the plastic pumpkin packages that Garcia has stuffed with all sorts of candy. we trade jelly beans like currency, blue raspberry for orange and anything remotely citrus-flavored that he loves. he doesn't mind taking them from my open palm, which fills me with a strangely warm feeling. 

I realize that there's more to Spencer's anxiety than germs, a thin layer of something that he lays between each person and himself. we don't talk about weighty subjects; we aren't friends like that-- not yet, anyway. but I'm glad that he feels alright with this kind of proximity.

[shyneanon]

And the fic I started about a week ago with a MF one-shot continues! It’s now called The Boss’s Daughter and it’s up on AO3. 

I’ll continue to post it here but you can go to AO3 to subscribe or kudos or comment or whatever you’d like. It also just might be easier for people to read the whole thing there, since these chapters are long and the whole work will be in one place. Anyway, enjoy!

---

Your father was an unforgiving man.

As kind as he was to you and your mother, when he went to work, he became a different person. He did not tolerate failure, he did not tolerate deceit, and he did not tolerate disrespect. It was no wonder that he had become one of the richest and most powerful mob bosses in the city. People feared him.

And thus, they feared you.

He called you Princess for a reason. You were very much his princess. And there was no mobster in the city who didn’t know the consequences of making a wrong move around you. If he saw a man as a threat against his daughter-- whether physically, emotionally, or otherwise-- that man was as good as dead. And your father’s definition of a threat was a bit loose. He was a very jealous man. Every gangster knew that.

Well, Sans hadn’t, until Papyrus had gone on a tirade about it at him.

Truth be told, it hadn’t really scared Sans much at all. It was difficult to scare him-- though whether that was because he was tough or stupid, he wasn’t sure. Though it did make him view your encounter through a new lens. When he’d spoken with you, he’d had no idea you were such… forbidden fruit.

Unfortunately for Papyrus, whose… suggestion… was reasonable, telling Sans that you were a literal danger to him had only made you more desirable to him. It was that thrill that causes even the best of people to date partners who are bad for them: The feeling of playing with fire, of doing something despite knowing it was bad for you. You were so pretty, and you had been so much fun, but if he’d known all of this before, the spark of electricity he’d felt at being close to you would’ve felt like a thousand-volt shock. To think that he had held someone virtually unattainable-- had gone so far as to kiss your neck and the corner of your lips-- and come out of it alive?

Hell, now he just wanted to do it again.

Since he had nothing better to do with his time (well, he did, he just liked not doing what he was supposed to be doing), he’d eventually asked some of his men how much anyone even knew about you, if you were so heavily protected. Surprisingly, quite a bit, because your father liked to talk about you a lot. According to him, you were very intelligent. That didn’t surprise Sans at all, it had been pretty obvious. Well, sort of. It had been this look behind your eyes. Like you were always observing things, assessing them. No doubt you were unused to being hit on and yet you had remained cool and collected.

Heh. Maybe you’d make for a good mob boss yourself.

Your father even claimed that you helped with the business sometimes. The record-keeping and number-crunching, anyway. He didn’t like telling you exactly what your beloved daddy was doing during business hours.

It was funny how many small details had stuck with Sans’ men (and probably many others). You were just such an enigma that any information your father threw out was like a piece of a very large puzzle. You liked dancing, although you’d never actually been out dancing before. Papa was too worried about boys hitting on you. You did go out sometimes, with some friend of yours, but only during the day, and only to high-end spaces where the chances of a guy trying to put moves on you were low. An odd detail: You liked little chocolates, particularly the ones with cherry filling. Sans could vividly picture you gently biting into one, the filling as red as those soft lips. Dangerous lips that spelled death for anyone who dared to come near them.

You were just so off-limits that all you did was rile Sans up when he thought about you.

His mind raced with What ifs. What if he had just taken the opportunity to kiss you right there? What if you had agreed to his offer to show you how he could get around without being seen? What if he had been able to bring you somewhere private… and take away that innocence your father had worked so painstakingly hard to preserve?

Heheh. You would’ve been calling out “Daddy,” but you wouldn’t have meant--

“I heard that guy Acerbi is after her.”

“Acerbi? Don Acerbi?”

“No, you idiot, his son.”

Sans was snapped out of his incredibly racy daydream. “Huh? Who?”

Vinnie answered his question. “Adolfo Acerbi, Boss. The Acerbi family’s territory is right around--”

“I don’t care about that, whaddaya mean he’s after her?”

Don answered that. “Y’know, he wants to marry her. She’s an only child, so if he married ‘er, once her dad croaked he’d end up being the heir to their whole business.”

“Fuck, you serious?”

“Yeah. And for now it’d unite the families ‘n such. All that mafia stuff.”

Sans felt a surge of jealousy, even though he knew it was unwarranted. You didn’t belong to him-- well, you didn’t belong to anyone, you were your own person, even if your father wanted you to be his. Still, Sans wasn’t your boyfriend, he had no real right to feel jealous over you. Especially not the level of jealousy he was feeling right now.

But the objective truth couldn’t change the way he felt.

“Hey, Boss,” said Vinnie. “Didn’tcha say you were gonna talk with someone today?”

He was startled out of his thoughts again and checked his watch. “Oh, shit.” He got up. At least he wouldn’t be late. “Thanks, Vinnie.”

“Oh, uh, no problem, Boss.”

--

“Was he nice?” asked Mindy.

“Of course,” you told her. “He was in front of my dad.”

The two of you were sitting in a small but very expensive cafe and deli, immaculately clean and filled with people in nice dress. It was always nice to be with her, for a multitude of reasons. Firstly, she was your friend. You simply enjoyed her company.

Secondly, the cat monster was your window to the outside world.

While she was wealthy-- most monsters were after having left the Underground-- Mindy didn’t know where your father actually got his money. She was a civilian. Unlike you, she’d gone to college, and she’d been on dates with lots of boys. Ironically, despite being a monster, she knew a certain kind of freedom you’d never known. Mindy actually got around quite a bit, though you didn’t mind that. It was part of what made her interesting. She was wild, so she had a lot of fun stories.

At the moment, though, you were the one telling her a story, about the “nice young man” you’d met at the party. Adolfo Acerbi. Italian, obviously. Your parents had taken quite a liking to him, and you could understand why: He seemed well-educated, he was polite, and he had only said the sweetest of things to you.

You hated him already.

It was all fake. You could tell. He did a good job of hiding it from your parents but it was fairly obvious to you what was going on. You had no brothers. If he could just weasel his way into your father’s favor and wed you, then he could sit atop an empire made of two families’ blood, greed and arrogance. And you would be stuck right there with him. It was a no from you, but unlike Mindy, you didn’t really have any say in the matter. Mafia princesses were called princesses for a reason.

But you couldn’t tell Mindy all of that. She didn’t know where your family got their money. So all you said was, “He just wants my dad’s money.”

“Aw, honey, maybe you’re just being paranoid.” Mindy smiled at you. “Love exists, you know.”

You snorted. “I know that. It’s just… he’s sweet, but… too sweet? Too romantic.”

“Mmm, like he rehearsed it or something?”

“Yeah.”

“Ugh, those boys are the worst.” She shrugged. “Oh well. You don’t have to date him if you don’t want to.”

If only.

You considered telling her about the encounter with Sans and Papyrus-- she’d be bound to find it entertaining-- but you had the feeling that if you did she would just keep teasing you about Sans. Besides, she didn’t need to know anything about mobsters who didn’t really have anything to do with you. Your father didn’t do business with the skeleton brothers, as far as you knew, and chances were you would never speak with them again. Sans wasn’t worth mentioning.

But fate is a cruel mistress, and no sooner had you dismissed any thoughts of Sans than a large shape emerged in your periphery. Near the doorway. The shape was unmistakable.

Sans had been fun. Too fun. As much as you wanted someone in the underbelly of society to make you smile, you didn’t need it. If you had fun, you would forget just how bad your world was, and you would quit wanting to leave. You didn’t need to speak to him any more.

“What are you doing?” asked Mindy.

You realized you had ducked down and held up your menu in hopes of hiding your face. You wanted to relax, but you really didn’t need to talk to him anymore. “Nothing,” you said, though you knew she wouldn’t believe you.

“Oh my God, is it him?” She started to look around unabashedly.

“N-- no, it’s not Acerbi.”

“Not Acerbi-- Wait, is there somebody else? Is that why you don’t like Acerbi?” Her lips curled into a mischievous smile. “Oooooh, there’s a boy you haven’t told me about.”

“No, it’s not like that!” you said. But you couldn’t explain, it had everything to do with your world, and she couldn’t know about your world.

“Oh my, are you blushing?”

“What? No.” Your face didn’t even feel warm.

“Don’t lie to me, I can see it. Your face is so red.”

Well, now your face was warm. Mindy beamed. Thanks a lot, Mindy.

“Hey there, dollface. Fancy seein’ you here.”

… Fuck.

You lowered the menu. You didn’t have to look for him; Sans’ shape on your left blocked out everything else nearby. You tried to ignore the burning on your face and smiled politely. “Hello, Mr. Sans.”

“Hey, sweetheart, I toldja last night, ya can call me Sans.”

You saw Mindy’s eyes widen. Last night, no she’s getting the wrong impression, no no Mindy it’s not like that I didn’t have sex with him I didn’t I don’t even know how we would do that I just met him at a party--

You forced your mind to stop racing. “Right. Sans. Is there anything you need?”

“Just to talk to you, doll.” He winked. His smile was so genuine, so goofy despite the sharp teeth. You felt the corners of your mouth turning up and bit the insides of your cheeks to keep yourself from smiling any more. You’re just making this worse, jackass….

His voice lowered:

“What’s with the red face? Happy to see me?”

You tried to ignore your face getting hotter. “M… My friend here was embarrassing me about something.” Good, a distraction. You gestured to Mindy. “Um, Sans, this is my good friend Mindy. Mindy, this is Sans, my… um…”

Sans raised a brow. “Aww. Tellin’ me we ain’t friends?”

Oh my God, did he learn anything from last night?

“... friend,” you finished. “My friend, Sans.”

Mindy wasn’t buying it even though it was the truth. “Oh, of course. Your friend.” She wiggled her eyebrows. Still, she gave Sans a friendly smile. “Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too, sweetheart.” His grin widened. “You look like the cat’s pajamas.” A wink. “Absolutely purrfect.”

Before you could stop yourself, you snorted, which only made Sans look more enthusiastic. You tried to hide your face again.

Mindy raised her eyebrows at him. “Oh my, aren’t you a charmer?”

He tipped the brim of his hat. “Sure, to the women I want.” His eyelights looked over at you and he winked.

You glared at him, openly this time. You are such a moron. You could literally die. For doing this. You couldn’t defend him forever.

His smile became slightly nervous. Finally, he was getting the message. Why did he have to be so thick? And funny?

“So,” said Mindy, “why are you here? You’re not stalking my friend, are you? Stalking isn’t romantic, you know.”

He chuckled. “Nah. I can’t actually talk fer too long, I’m here tah meet a, uh… business associate.”

Mindy smiled incredulously. “Business associate? What are you, part of the mob?”

You forced yourself to snicker at that, as if the idea was ridiculous. Sans blinked, looking mildly surprised-- he’d probably expected Mindy to know. Thankfully, he recovered quickly. “I wish. It’d be more exciting.” He turned back to you. “I also wanted to give you an offer.”

He nodded in the direction of the doorway and you squinted at him. You weren’t going to leave with him. Was he that stupid?

“I jus’ wanna talk over there.”

You raised an eyebrow, and felt your thumb fiddling with your menu. You didn’t need to speak with him… but you were curious. So you got up and followed him, still inside, by the door.

He dug around in his pocket. “Last night was nice.”

“Which part?” you asked coldly.

“All of it, babe, yer fun to talk to.” He pulled out his wallet and started going through it. “I was thinkin’ I’d like to talk to ya again, if ya ever want.”

He found what he was looking for and held up what was clearly a fake business card for whatever civilian job he claimed to have. He held it out to you.

“If ya ever need anythin’... like, y’know, company… jus’ give me or Paps a call, huh?” He shrugged. “Well, maybe not Paps. But me.” He flashed those shark-like teeth at you.

You just stared. What on Earth was his problem? He could easily go flirt with someone whose father wouldn’t have him shot for it.

“C’mon, babe, you were fun. I don’t meet a lotta fun people.” He held it out further. “Please?”

His pleading smile was seemed so genuine.

Whatever. You smiled politely, taking the card. “Thanks. I’ll keep your offer in mind.”

Judging from the look on his face, he could tell you didn’t mean it. He seemed… disappointed.

You felt disappointed too. Good.

He tipped the brim of his hat again. “Anyway, I’ll let you two ladies keep talking. It was nice seein’ you again.”

“Nice seeing you,” you said.

When you made your way back to the table and sat down, Mindy folded her arms. “So. Mister Sans, huh?”

“It’s not like that,” you said.

“‘Sure, to the women I want,’” she said, doing her best impression of Sans’ deep, smooth voice. She then raised her eyebrows at you as if daring you to offer an explanation.

“We met at the same party where I met Adolfo,” you said. “He flirted with me, and I turned him down.” You left out the part where you let him hold you and… kiss you. The spot at the corner of your lip that he’d kissed suddenly felt tingly. It had probably been the most rebellious thing you’d ever done, despite how much you hated the lifestyle you’d been born into.

“You what?” Mindy said, almost slamming her hands down on the table in outrage. “Why?”

“Because I don’t like him. He’s probably the dumbest person I’ve ever met.”

“Ouch,” she said. “Harsh.”  She sighed in mock disappointment. “What a shame. His name is so short. Easy to moan.”

You felt a mixture of embarrassment and amusement. “Why don’t you just go sleep with him if you find him so appealing?”

“Nuh-uh. I smell a budding romance.” She made a sweeping gesture with her hand. “An intelligent girl, wooed by an unlikely man. I don’t want to get in the way of that.”

“That will never happen in a million--”

“Ooh, ooh, before I forget to tell you! Next weekend this… club I know…” She gave you a wink. You knew what that meant-- a speakeasy. “... is having a swing night. You told me you’ve never gone dancing before. We should go!”

You felt your heart sink, the previous conversation instantly forgotten. You shook your head. “My parents wouldn’t let me.” Too many boys.

“Then sneak out. Easy fix.”

“N… No.”

She sighed in exasperation. “Just ask, OK? Please?”

You nodded. “... OK.”

“Thank you.” She looked at the card in your hand. “What’s that?”

“Oh, just some stupid card he gave me with his number.” You turned it over in your hand.

“Mmmm, his number. You gonna keep it?”

“I already said I don’t like him, why would I keep his number?”

You grabbed your purse. Trying not to make eye contact with Mindy, you tilted the bag towards you so that she wouldn’t see the small pistol inside, and tucked the card into a pocket inside the purse. You tried to seem nonchalant about it, but when you looked at Mindy again she was wearing a massive, smug grin on her face.

“I’m going to throw it away when I get home,” you told her.

“Riiiight.” She took a sip of her water. “Of course.”

“I am,” you insisted. You just didn’t want to toss it anywhere. But you told yourself you were going to throw it away.

You didn’t.

[supercalvin]

I love all your ficlets and stories! It honestly makes me very happy reading what you wrote. Was wondering for a prompt if you can do Immortal Merlin fighting for queer rights. Not really a set period i had in mind i just always imagined Merlin would be front row to a lot of the protest and riots. Arthur and or leon could be there to!! I like imagining leon is also immortal and hangs with merlin every other century. Thank you for the amazing stories!!

Whoops it’s been a hot minute since I got this prompt. A lot has happened since I wrote this, so first of all, Happy Pride! Second of all, with all the riots (the heart of which are happening literally just down the street from me) I wanted to say that black trans women were the heart and soul of the queer movement in the U.S. so therefore: Black Lives Matter, Queer Power, and Trans Rights. Hell yeah.

CW/TW: Mentions of the AIDS Crisis

Prompts + Ficlets

***

“You’ll be alright on your own?” Merlin had asked for what had felt like the hundredth time.

Arthur had wanted to be insulted that Merlin thought so little of him, but to be fair, Merlin had had to teach him the ways of the modern world. And although Arthur had been back for almost a year now, Merlin hadn’t left his side for more than a few hours since he had emerged from the lake.

Magic wasn’t as common in the world as it had once been, but over the years Merlin had created a network of magical people. He taught them what he knew and put them in contact with each other. Merlin had gotten a call from one pupil who had accidentally cursed themselves while practicing and had called Merlin in a panic.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Go!” Arthur had said, ushering Merlin out the door.

“It should only take a couple days at most,” Merlin said, looking like he would rather not leave Arthur alone. “I could call Leon.”

“Don’t be absurd. Leon is a ten-hour flight away. By the time he gets here, you’ll be back.” Arthur had rolled his eyes, “I’ll be glad for some peace and quiet for once. Go.”

Now, it was the evening of the second day, and Merlin had called him to let him know he would be back tomorrow morning. Arthur hadn’t been worried, but Merlin seemed relieved that everything was still the same back in their London apartment.

Arthur had found that the problem wasn’t so much an issue of taking care of himself, it was the boredom.  It wasn’t that he needed Merlin to entertain him, he wasn’t a child no matter what Merlin said, but he found that he rather enjoyed doing things, especially new things, with Merlin.

That night, out of sheer boredom, he found himself in Merlin’s room, shuffling through some of Merlin’s mementos. He had piles of knick-knacks from hundreds of lifetimes. Merlin had moved around a lot, so he didn’t have large objects, or really anything that seemed outwardly important. On the desk, there was a small silver brooch. The bookshelf had piles and piles of manuscripts, leather bound novels, and hand-written journals, all of which were in dozens of languages. At the foot of Merlin’s bed there was a chest, which Arthur had never seen Merlin open before. Under normal circumstances he wouldn’t riffle through his friend’s things, but a long time ago Merlin had agreed that Arthur was allowed to riffle and ask about all his knick-knacks. They had decided that secrets were a thing of the past for them.

Arthur opened the chest, not expecting to find much. It was filed with an assortment of things, the first that caught Arthur’s eye was a grimoire written in the language of the Old Religion. It was probably the last of its kind. Below there was a small box wrapped in what appeared to be one of Merlin’s old tunics from Camelot. Inside the box was his mother’s sigil. It was worn, and as Arthur ran his thumb over the dove, he could almost feel the warmth of the fire when he had handed it to Merlin that night so many years ago now. He carefully set them aside.

The chest was filled with odd trinkets. There was a tube, inside of which Arthur found a rolled piece of canvas. He unfurled the painting to find a watercolor of Merlin, looking as if he had just rolled out of bed in a puffy white undershirt and a casual smile.

There were stacks of envelopes tied together with string. Arthur peaked at a few, noting that most of them were fairly recent, from the 1980s. The writing was messy and frantic. Arthur couldn’t read most of it, but he saw that the letters were from a man in the United States, living in New York City.

There was a box of photographs, ranging from what appeared to be old daguerreotypes to polaroid pictures. Arthur flipped through them. Most of them were groups of men standing together. Some were blurry night shots, but Arthur could still see men with painted faces and women dressed in suits. Others showed masses of people marching. One image showed Merlin leaning against a brick wall in a white shirt tucked into cuffed jeans. In his hand was a large black sign with a single pink triangle with white block letters that read, “Queer Power.”

Arthur spent the rest of the evening examining the photographs and reading through the letters. They were from people Merlin had met over the years. Most weren’t labeled so Arthur had to put the pieces together himself. The daguerreotypes were from a gentleman’s club in the late 19th century. The string bound letters were from a young man, talking of a disease that was spreading like wildfire through the city. The photograph of Merlin with the sign had a date on it, and with a little help of the internet, Arthur figured out that it was a snapshot right before a huge riot in London.

Part of him had known that Merlin didn’t care about gender when it came to love. In Camelot Merlin had never mentioned anyone by name, but that didn’t mean Arthur didn’t know Merlin had spent time with men and women alike. Over the past year it felt like Merlin had recounted most of his life after Camelot, but it appears he had left out this piece of the puzzle.

Merlin had always been stubborn, strong, and determined to fight for those in need. Merlin had told Arthur that while he was ‘away’ Merlin had travelled the world helping those that he could. The world was always in need of a physician, he had told Arthur. But he had never mentioned this. They had promised no more secrets, but Arthur supposed that even after a year, there would still be more stories for Merlin to tell.

***

By the time Merlin returned from his trip, Arthur had neatly put everything back to its proper place. He decided this information needed more research and luckily, Arthur had his own laptop once Merlin discovered it was a lot easier to explain the internet than everything that had happened over the course of a thousand years.

“Can I ask you something?”

Merlin was drying the dishes, but he looked over his shoulder to Arthur, who was sitting at the kitchen table, laptop open with several tabs open on articles about queer history, human rights, and UK law.

Merlin hummed an affirmative, turning back to the dish rack.

“Who was Ian?”

Merlin drops the glass he was drying but it doesn’t break, and Arthur can tell that’s only because it splashed back into the soapy water instead of the floor.

Merlin stops and Arthur watched the tension in his shoulder. “You saw the letters?”

“You said it was alright if I looked around.”

“I know,” Merlin said, obviously restraining himself. Arthur didn’t know if he was angry or just vulnerable.

“Was he…?” Arthur hated how he couldn’t get out the words. A green monster was stirring in his stomach, which wasn’t fair. Arthur didn’t have a claim on Merlin. Even if he did, the man was left to roam the Earth for hundreds of years, he was allowed a lover or two.

“I was travelling, and New York was a hot spot of people in need at the time,” Merlin said, “He was a teacher. He’d recently gotten fired when the school found out he was gay. I met him at a gay bar. He was…” Merlin stopped and Arthur could tell he wasn’t able to say much more.

“Did he make it?”

Merlin shook his head.

“I’m sorry,” Arthur said, his throat tight. “Did you love him?”

“In a way. When you get to be as old as I am, you love a lot of different people in a lot of different ways.” Merlin sighed and Arthur saw him wipe away a small tear. Merlin’s heart had to be as big as the sea. He had love in his heart for everyone he met, a tear for everyone he lost.

Arthur stood up, not taking time to think. He slipped behind Merlin and wrapped his arms around his waist, pressing his face into Merlin’s neck. Merlin’s back was stiff for a second and Arthur felt his breath stutter in his chest. Merlin’s hands were wet as they came to rest on Arthur’s forearms, which were firmly wrapped around his middle.

“Camelot was different. No one minded two men living together,” Merlin’s voice was just a breath, barely audible. “Things changed.”

“But you didn’t,” Arthur said, noticing Merlin’s shiver when he spoke against his neck.

“Arthur…What are you doing?”

“I’ve been told it’s a hug,” Arthur said, trying to lighten the mood.

“Arthur,” Merlin turned his head to look at him, his eyes a mix of annoyed and maybe a hint of fear.

Arthur swallowed down the emotion that rose in his throat, “I’m sorry you had to watch the people you love die. I’m sorry you had to watch me die.”

“Don’t ever apologize for that,” Merlin turned in his arms, gripping Arthur’s arm with a tight hand. “By the gods, don’t ever apologize for letting me have those moments. You gave me your last moments, Arthur.”

Arthur rested his forehead against Merlin’s, and for a long time they just breathed in together.

Merlin reached up and tucked some of Arthur’s hair behind his ear, “I know I never said it, but I love you.”

Arthur smiled, “That’s because you didn’t need to say it.”

“Ass,” Merlin smiled. “I don’t know if I want to punch you or kiss you.”

“It’s a tossup, I suppose.” Arthur said, leaning in to give Merlin a kiss on the corner of his mouth, linger just long enough to feel Merlin’s gasp. “I love you too, if that wasn’t obvious, either.”

***

Prompts + Ficlets

[hvandenbrg]

Have you seen HARRY VANDENBERG? This THIRTY-SEVEN year old is a TROPHY HUSBAND who resides in MANHATTAN. HE has been living in NYC for TWO YEARS, and is known to be EMPATHETIC and PROTECTIVE but can also be RECKLESS and VOLATILE, if you cross them.  People tend to associate them with EXTREME SPORTS and GREEN SMOOTHIES.

I’M BACK BABEYYYY. i bet y’all thought you’d seen the last of me!! but... here i am! harry’s bio has changed a little bit so feel free to check it out if you want! other than that i am excited to be back and happy to be able to write with you all again! 

thank you so much for all the support and the patience you’ve given me these past few months. y’all are the best, and i love you with all my heart. 

about —

full name: harry bram vandenberg age: 37 birthday: august 9, 1983 (leo) sexual orientation: heterosexual gender: cis male pronouns: he/his

bio — tw: injury, infertility, cheating, pregnancy

harry has a younger brother and a half sister. his parents divorced when he was young, his father re-married and had one more kid, a girl. there was no drama between his parents, though… at least as far as the children could tell. they were civil in front of them, which is what mattered. harry and his siblings have always been friendly, even if the youngest wasn’t around as often — mostly because his mother didn’t want her around the house much. understandable, yes, but harry and his brother still managed to spend an ungodly amount of time with her growing up.

he was born in brighton, england (his parents were on a ‘last vacation before the baby comes’, and he just happened to be born during said vacation) but was raised in london. besides the abnormal family dynamic, harry had a decent experience growing up. decent in the sense that he often got himself in trouble for staying out too late, getting into fights — because he liked it. not that he was a bad kid, but he had an issue with constant boredom, which he learned to let out in strange ways such as those. in his teens, he decided to skip sixth form and join the british army as an infantry soldier.

still young and lacking tons of experience with real life, harry started a relationship with his neighbor — the girl who’d been his best friend ever since she’d moved next door. truthfully, as his mother had once said, it was only a matter of time until they started a relationship. and harry’s embarrassed protests eventually led to their marriage a year later.

it was a good marriage. they got along pretty well and loved each other pretty much. they had a flat in london where they lived. however, things began to get complicated when harry was deployed to afghanistan for a year, and after a lot of rigorous training, he got selected to join the special reconnaissance regiment — a promotion that posed a legitimate threat on his life. and this, in turn, gave harry the excitement and glee of a child with a new puppy. his wife, however, did not like this at all, and understandably so. his oncoming deployments back to afghanistan and siria really put a strain in their relationship, especially with how excited he always looked when he left, and so unenthused when he returned. this attitude of his sparked many arguments between the couple, which soon after escalated into cheating accusations, which harry both denied and ignored, for as long as he could.

INJURY TW. during a deployment to siria, harry received a bullet to the leg — during his adrenaline rush afterwards, harry kept going by foot, which ended up in a twisted knee and a ligament tear. despite many protests from the man, he had to be sent home and later on discharged from his role in the regiment, and the military altogether.

as the ‘glass half-full’ kind of person that harry’s always been, he tried to look at this sudden change in his life as an opportunity to reunite with his wife, fix his marriage. it seemed to work for the first few weeks as it was her who had to drive him to things such as rehab and therapy. but after a while, he began to realize that the two of them had very little in common anymore — and it was heartbreaking. after being a unit for the majority of his life, he suddenly couldn’t connect with his love anymore.

not to mention that, despite the fact he couldn’t do much for a while, the cheating accusations never stopped coming, even if they were slower and farther in between — he was always on his phone too much, it seemed. 

INFERTILITY TW. so of course the solution was to expand the family! of course. what else could prove that he was loyal to his wife and save his marriage all at once? a child! it hadn’t been his idea, but he agreed. harry was personally terrified of fatherhood. being in charge of your own body is one thing, but being responsible of a completely new human being seemed like a nightmare to the man — but but his wife, he would do it. so they tried — and failed. and tried, and tried, and tried, and kept failing. harry had fully healed from his injury when they decided to maybe see a doctor about it, maybe said injury had done something to harry’s ability to procreate. but it turned out it wasn’t him — and the news devastated the woman. a product of grief and frustration, their relationship only kept on crumbling.

once he was back on comission, harry landed a security job in london with the royal family. it paid well and allowed for the couple to do more things together, things to keep them distracted from the state of their relationship. this glee, however, didn’t last very long; a year into his new job the accusations of cheating began again. now, according to her, he was cheating with diplomats and princesses and so on, so forth. he couldn’t stand it anymore.

CHEATING TW, PREGNANCY TW. sooner than later, something in harry snapped, and he decided to give his wife what she so desperately wanted. she wanted him to be a cheater, so he became one. it started with one of the maids in the palace, then a nanny, then a personal assistant. and sooner than later, he found out he had accidentally gotten someone pregnant. that, for harry, was the signal he’d been looking for. he confronted his wife with the truth, and in what seemed like a minute, she filed for divorce immediately, citing “irreconcilable differences” as the cause. to harry’s luck, it seemed that the other woman in question was either hiding from him or didn’t want him to be a part of the process, which harry respected. he had to, as he had no way of reaching out to her. he met his child the day they were born, and has helped with everything he was allowed to from a distance. after all, with the job he had, he barely had time for himself anymore.

these issues with the job made harry’s time at the palace somewhat difficult, but things stabilized once he was assigned to be princess cecelia’s husband’s bodyguard. harry had never liked cecelia. she seemed spoiled, air-headed. and the things her husband said about her only fueled these thoughts. however, said thoughts went away as he spent more time with the couple, and some, erm, tension built between him and the princess — which ended up exploding into a full-fledged affair. an affair that went way further than harry expected it to; he wasn’t expecting to fall in love with her, with her children, and just… anything that involved cecelia.

PREGNANCY TW. so when she came to him with the news — she was pregnant. with his child. his divorce wasn’t even finalized, but he did not care. it was just a matter of time, right?

when cecelia decided to move to new york following the divorce, harry knew he had to go with her. he requested to be assigned as her bodyguard for the move, which was granted. their secret was safe, and he would be able to move with her.

then it came to revealing their relationship and his paternity to the public — harry knew he was in a proverbial pickle. he had to get his divorce settled and secure a new job before the baby was born. the divorce part was the hardest of both, but it was resolved in the end. job-wise, harry needed to find a new job before the truth came out, as he wouldn’t last long in the United States without one, as a holder of a work visa. thankfully, the birth of his son would help his case and make it easier for him to live in the country. he received diplomatic help, as well as having his professional record speak for him, and he somehow made his way to the nypd’s emergency unit service, where he worked for only a few months before he was terminated for the public attention harry seemed to bring to the department. 

PREGNANCY TW. cecelia told him they were expecting their second child together. he’s of course very happy, although not completely sure about how he feels about not being able to give theo his full attention — and extremely nervous about fathering a girl. the reason seems questionable even to him, as he’s raised penny (for the most part). just seems scary to have a baby so small again.

headcanons —

harry loves extreme sports and combat sports. rock-climbing is a big passion of his, boxing a close second.

he loves portraying himself as a MANLY MAN but ya boy cried at the end of toy story 3. he also cried when his son, theo, was born.

speaking of theo, henry was terrified of becoming a father. but he got some practice with jack and penny, so he thought he was out of the woods. tiny humans? easy! however, he was not expecting just how difficult caring for a miniature human would be. he still loves it, though. theo is his pride and joy.

he owns a collection of little trinkets he got from his different deployments, all in a shoebox. get a scrapbook, ya fool.

while he is slightly apprehensive about the baby, he was the same about theo, it really is only a matter of time until he warms up to the idea of being a father for the second time. what a move for a dude who didn’t want kids in the first place !

but also, scratch all that he’s married to @olliestonem​ :-)

[siqqet]

So here’s the... thing... The writing.... With Soph and Thassie....

“Um, sir?” Ensign Soraimo questioned, staring ahead, a bemused expression on his face. He had been called into the Commander’s office to address the recent disaster he had caused, and had been expecting the worst. The Commander, an ex-Sith, was known for dishing out harsh punishments, though Soraimo had heard whispers from older Imperials who had served under her while she still sat on the Dark Council that she had toned it down since the arrival of Republic citizens in order to maintain their support. They asserted that back in the day she had been entirely without mercy, torturing and killing soldiers for the slightest of misdeeds, so when Soraimo had entered the chamber, trembling in anticipatory terror, soot from the explosion still staining his shoulders, he thought he would be met with anger, and probably Force-lightning. Instead, the Commander sat at her desk, a serene, if not slightly entertained expression crossing her pale face and a young child balancing on her knee.

Soraimo recognized the child as Thassande, the adopted daughter of the Commander and her lovers, Beniko and Shan, though most people assumed a relation between her and the child, as they were of the same species and shared many traits. What Soraimo didn’t understand was what she was doing here. Surely a disciplinary meeting was no place for a kid, especially as Soraimo knew his punishment would have to be severe.

If the Commander agreed with him, though, she didn’t show it, keeping a steady eye locked on him, ignoring the child squirming on her lap, unable to keep still for even a second, and Soraimo was hardly in a place to challenge her lack of professionalism. When the Commander spoke, Soraimo startled, having been too lost in the confounding details of the situation that he had momentarily forgotten why he was there.

“Am I to understand that it is you, Ensign Firne Soraimo, who lost us thousands of credits worth of experimental technology?” Despite her calm expression, her voice was cold, scathing. Soraimo winced. His eyes lowered as he stared at the floor in shame and fear, his fingers nervously playing with the hem of his uniform.

“Yes, sir.” he mumbled.

The Commander made a small noise that Soraimo tagged as disapproval, and out of the edge of his vision, he saw her shift in her chair, the leather of her skirt creaking as it moved against the leather of her chair. When he looked up, she was leaning forward now, body curled so that her elbows could rest on the desk while still providing room for Thassande, who giggled quietly to herself, to poke through. The Commander’s expression held more gravity.

“It is difficult to find parts for a stealth ship, you understand,” she said and Soraimo couldn’t meet her eyes. He had always thought Sith had creepy eyes, but the anger behind them had never been directed at him. He didn’t want to see if it was now.

The Commander continued. “I shouldn’t have to tell you how costly the war with Zakuul was, or how hard it is to find usable parts for such sophisticated technology. You fought beside me. You should be well aware of the scarcity.”

Soraimo nodded. He remembered well, but it wasn’t as if he had destroyed the fighter on purpose. He felt suddenly defensive.

“It was hardly my fault, sir. If we could just standardize the measuring systems, I wouldn’t have run out of fuel!” he blurted out.

“Silence!” The Commander snapped in return, glaring at him over her daughter’s head. He noticed the wrinkle of anger in her furrowed brow aligned perfectly with the white markings on her face. “You dare tell me what to do, Ensign? After the catastrophe you have caused?” She did not yell at him; her voice remained at regular speaking volume, and rather level, but beneath it there was an edge, a venom that told Soraimo that he had overstepped. Of course he had. He had no right telling the Commander how to run her alliance. Besides, his suggestion hadn’t even been useful. Officially, the units of measurement were standardized, despite the shortcuts some Imperial soldiers took. They followed Republic units, which Soraimo could never follow, hence his disastrous mistake. He had no place exclaiming like that.

A giggle sounded, contrasting the Commander’s frosty tone and Soraimo’s silent guilt. Thassande grinned at him, her eyes glinting with a mischief Soraimo expected from the daughter of two Sith and a SIS agent, though that wasn’t the only unsettling thing about her expression, he realized. Although the smile on her tiny face should have been cute, a chill went down Soraimo’s spine when he saw that every one of her teeth were pointed. She laughed again, a knowing smirk replacing the dangerous-looking smile.

“Careful, mister. Isla’s mad at you.” she said. Her tone was so sincere that Soraimo would have believed it to be a genuine warning had he not seen her expression.  He also took note of what the young girl called her mother, pondering it for a second before realizing that since she had two mothers, it was logical to call the Commander by what Soraimo assumed was either her given name or a nickname. As he considered this, Thassande shifted, trying to straighten up, but only succeeding in driving her miniature montrals into her mother’s chin, causing the Commander to hiss in pain and surprise. In reaction, the Commander leaned back again, giving Thassande more room to move around, though she put her hands on the child’s hips to keep her from wiggling so much. Soraimo thought he heard her murmur “Mind yourself, love,” but thought it best to stay still and silent until the Commander had shifted her focus back to him. She stared at him for a long time before speaking again.

“Ensign Soraimo, your carelessness has caused us quite a setback. We will have to find new parts and--”

“You couldn’t scavenge anything?” he cut in, then winced at his mistake. He had spoken on impulse alone, his nervousness making him hasty.

The look the Commander gave him made him want to sink into the floor and the silence before she spoke was longer than the last.

“It was... Completely... Destroyed.” She said slowly, clearly, enunciating the words. Soraimo felt awful. He hadn’t meant to cause that much carnage. Well, he hadn’t meant to cause any, but this was a level of destruction he hadn’t thought he could have been capable of. It was disheartening, and terrifying.

Thassande decided to take the pause during which Soraimo’s soul was withering away in disgrace to pipe in. “It- It was a huge Ka-Boom!” she announced, excitement filling her voice. “I saw it- I saw it from my room! There was so much fire!” Thassande said, spreading her arms wide to demonstrate her understanding of the scale to the best of her ability.

Soraimo found her enthusiasm a bit offputting, but he supposed a four year old didn’t really have the emotional intelligence to understand the gravity of the situation. If he hadn’t had his life on the line, he might have thought it was cute.

“There was so much fire.” The Commander added, the faintest hint of amusement in her voice.

“You are fortunate no one was hurt, or else deciding what to do with you would be a lot easier for me, but a lot less pleasant for you, I suspect.” she said and Soraimo groaned internally. He wouldn’t exactly call the situation he was in ‘lucky’.

“My punishment, then, sir?” He asked, trying to keep his voice as professional and to-the-point as possible, though there was a slight tremor to it. The smirk on the Commander’s face seemed to drink up his fear, but this time he did not look away, even as his legs shook beneath him. The beat between his question and her reply seemed to stretch an eternity.

“Hmm...” The Commander stared past him, drawing the intermission out even further. Soraimo thought he might vomit from the anxiety.

She looked down, eyes fixed on the small child sat across her thighs who in turn looked up to meet her mother’s glance. “Advisor Thassande, what punishment do you recommend for Ensign Soraimo?”

The Commander’s voice was completely serious as she posed the question. Thassande’s eyes lit up and she gave a happy wiggle, seeming to like being asked her opinion. Once again, Soraimo wasn’t entirely sure how to react.

Thassande deliberated for a moment, humming and hawing over her decision, leaving Soraimo in limbo, unsure if he should be scared or not. Occasionally she’d stretch up to whisper something against her mother’s montrals, at which point the Commander would nod briskly and Thassande would go back to thinking. Finally, finally, she broke the silence, though with a laugh that sounded impressively evil for such an adorable child. Soraimo registered with a start that this was a Sith child, and that there was a very real possibility that her verdict may have been just as nasty as the Commander’s.

“Um, you’re... Um, you’ve gotta go to time out for the... the, um rest of the day and you’re not allowed to play-- to play with your toys... Your ships.” Thassande stammered out her best impression of a grown-up, though her high-pitched voice and speech impediment along with the characteristic hesitation of a child made the delivery kind of endearing. The punishment itself was monumentally less cruel than Soraimo would have predicted, given the situation, and he almost didn’t want to glance at the Commander for her confirmation.

When their eyes met, a soft smile crossed the Commander’s face, amused and loving, though it hardened after a second when she started to speak. “You heard her, Ensign. You are to remain in your bunk until dinner and you are to be reassigned from duty in the hangar. Check in with your Captain tomorrow, I will give her the details of your new assignment. You are dismissed.” She instructed and Soraimo nearly collapsed in relief. Not only was that a lenient punishment from the Commander, it was a lenient punishment in general. Thank the stars for Thassande’s input.

“Yes, sir!” He saluted the Commander as he stumbled towards the door, his body feeling like jelly now that the panic was wearing off. After a split second of consideration, he also offered a salute to Thassande, who giggled and waved at him. Unexpectedly, the Commander also laughed, though hers was a deep rumble.

“You’re lucky your mess caused too much of a stir-up for me to find a babysitter.” Her eyes bored into him as he wobbled out the door. “Any further mistakes will bear a much less... merciful result.”

[dmgdstar]

Plotted starter: @greathairdays

It had been two whole years since the incident in Morioh town had been taken care of. Life had gone back to normal for the most part, for Jotaro. He was back to doing the work he loved, although now going through a divorce with his estranged wife. Work kept him away from home for long periods of time, which often made it hard for him to be there for his family. His wife and young daughter included in that mix. He wished it stopped just being a Marine biologist though that kept him away from home, at least with that he might be able to explain things to his wife—now ex-wife, in a proper fashion as to why he couldn’t always be there for them. But there were other things he took care of on the side of his own work. Things that he did for the and with the Speedwagon Foundation. After all, had it not been for them his whole life would have been left to waste. They had been the ones that had saved his mother’s life and had done their best to treat his friends whenever they were injured. If it hadn’t been for their help, then he might not have also been able to bring Joseph back to life after Dio had managed to kill him in the first place. All these things were nothing short of miracle work and so of course he was going to help them hunt down the arrows that had been discovered in Egypt about 13 years ago now. It was just that hunting them down was proving to be difficult. Especially since their whereabouts were currently unknown.

The visit he was making back to Morioh, Japan though had nothing to do with the stand arrows. At least not this time. Much like his original visit there two years ago, he was coming there on family matters. Joseph Joestar, Josuke Higashikata’s father—that is his young Uncle lived there. His intentions were to meet up with the young man and give him an update on his father’s health. They hadn’t really had much contact with him since they left Morioh originally, two years ago. At least Jotaro hadn’t. He couldn’t say how well the old man had kept up with him. His mind was mostly gone now days and he couldn’t seem to remember much of anything to save his life. Although there were times where he could still see his grandfather’s behavior as he remembered it 13 years ago, time was wearing on though. Joseph, now in his 80s wasn’t in the best of health. With his mind starting to really let go, it was going to be only a matter of time before he would probably die from his advanced age. A first for the Joestar family bloodline, or so he had been told. With that being the case and Josuke now having reached the age of adulthood, at least so was considered in America—he figured he might pay him a visit again. This time to talk to him about the very real possibility of Joseph passing away sometime in the near future. With that truth coming to fruition he thought that the best idea would be to offer him the chance to get to know his father a little better. Maybe, not just his father, but his own sister—that’s right Jotaro’s own mother, Holly Joestar-Kujo. It only seemed fair that he gets a chance to know that part of his family bloodline—that is if he was interested. They had already settled the issue with inheritance and much like that conversation had to be had in person, he felt that this one was important enough to discuss as well.

In the event that his Uncle was interested in coming with him to see Joseph, he had already planned for the Speedwagon Foundation to fund their trip to New York. The old man was getting much too old now to be traveling too far away from home. After the last time they had to deal with him insisting on coming and having to find a place to take the invisible child he’d rescued—he felt that this was the least that they could do. If there was one thing his grandfather was still good at, it was causing trouble for the rest of the family. At least he didn’t mind Josuke, despite their strange family ties, he hadn’t minded the company of the young man before. Working together with him hadn’t been a terrible experience. It had had its ups and downs, but then again so did the trip he had taken with Joseph 13 years ago. Nothing could ever top how bizarre that entire experience had been for him. Coming back to Morioh this time and knowing that peace had settled over the little town was like a breath of fresh air. Honestly, as he left the pier, he couldn’t be more than relieved that the place looked as normal as it had when he left it. Granted, there were a lot more stand users now in Morioh, but all the hostile ones had been taken care of. Kira was gone as well, which meant that they had solved a string of unsolved murders that hung over the town for fifteen years prior. Being here actually felt a little peaceful, even though knew that meeting with Tomoko again was going to be rough. It always was because of his resemblance to his grandfather.

By the time he had made the approach to Josuke’s home though, stepping out of the rental car he’d gotten after arriving any worries he had about being there had gone. He had managed to handle himself last time when he met her for the first time. Perhaps this time, she might actually remember who he was. Calmly, he came up the short sidewalk to the front door. He was going to make it clear to him that he didn’t need to feel pressured to go with him on this trip. Jotaro was going to go see Joseph anyway, it had been awhile since he had been out there. And besides, going back to America meant that he could at least get the chance to stop by and visit Jolyne while he was at it. Just because he had divorced his wife, didn’t mean that he couldn’t still see his daughter whenever he had the chance to. Maybe he could even introduce him to her, if he really wanted something like that. They were all still technically family, after all. Even if—again—their blood ties were a little messed up thanks to the old man. He sighed to himself, clearing his head from those thoughts as he came to stop on the front step. Reaching up once to habitually tug at the white hat he wore, letting it come down further over his eyes, he raised a hand to finally knock on the door.

The good thing to come out of having met Josuke before was that he didn’t have to wonder around Morioh again, trying to find him. The last time he had gotten lucky to come across him after he had met Koichi. But now he actually knew where he lived, which made this direct approach a lot easier. He assumed he still lived here, after all. If he remembered right, it hadn’t been too long ago that he had just turned eighteen. Which meant that he should have just finished up with his final year of schooling. His hope was that he wouldn’t have to through Morioh in search of him again. He wasn’t sure he wanted to go through that again. Even if he had been more acquainted with the town now since he had stayed there for quite some time two years ago, it had still been two years. A lot could change in two years, Jotaro himself was a prime example of that being a reality. He decided he would start here and if he wasn’t to be found there at home, he would try his friends’ homes next. Those were his next best guesses other than the café in downtown Morioh where they all had met a few times to discuss things. Unlike before, Jotaro hadn’t bothered to book a room at the hotel this time. He wasn’t planning on staying long. In fact, he was still leaving from there to the United States, with or without Josuke Higashikata. For the sake of the old man though, part of him hoped that he agreed to come with him this time.

[twoidiotwriters1]

Home- Chapter 12 (Kylo Ren/ Ben Solo x F!Oc)

A/N:   I have tried to upload this chapter, since yesterday, but Tumblr did not cooperate, but now it does. come on!

Also, this is the end of The Last Jedi... enjoy

Words: 2,685

Masterlist:

Chapter 11 / Chapter 13

He has every right in the galaxy, this shouldn't affect me. We’re no longer children so that kiss didn’t matter. We’re adults...

But why did he treat me like this? First he wants to know about my past, then he kisses me and when I’m at the highest level of crisis, I realize that… in reality, that kiss didn’t matter to him, our moment did not change him.

No one can change, can they?

I'm a fool, I shouldn't have thought... No, wait, this was not my fault, he has also played with my mind! He kissed me, no one forced him, maybe he didn't care, but why did he do it? It makes no sense. I'm sick of this whole show, I can't do it anymore.

Among all that we have been through when we were children, adolescents, his change to the dark side, when I ran away… so many years running away from him, from his memory, from the Jedi, from the force, all this. For what? To be a prisoner on the wrong side, being threatened by a grotesque giant who proclaims himself master and lord of everything.

I'm sick of acting like a teenager, I'm sick of myself playing with my thoughts and feelings, I don't know what situation I might be in tomorrow, and all I've done is run away and play lovebirds with Kylo, while everyone else in the resistance is risking their lives to stop it, I think it's time.

I sit on the floor and cross my legs, close my eyes and let go, remembering all the past training.

The force unites with me, but this time is different, I no longer see just light and darkness, I hear the beating of hearts, the noises, the screams, the effort, the fear… pain.

Enough of games.

What are you doing?

My heart flutters uncontrollably as I recognize the voice. His voice.

What do you want? I answer.

Your barriers have fallen.

And what will you do about it?

What are you planning?

Finish this.

What do you mean?

I can't do it anymore, Ben. And I'm sure that you also-

I open my eyes to feel something’s changed.

The door to my room opens and Kylo enters. I get up and face him.

"Your barriers have also fallen,” I say in a whisper, we looked at each other in silence for a few seconds. I get a little closer to him. "I can feel the conflict in you.”

"You can't do anything to change me.”

"Maybe not, that's on you, Ben."

"Stop calling me that! No one understands it, everyone expects something more from me, but no- "

“You’re the one who doesn't understand! You had everything in your favor, you had a future! But you ignored all the warnings, you ignored me and your best idea was to get rid of me!” My breaths are shaky. "Stop throwing tantrums all the time and for once in your life do something. Stop listening to everyone else, listen to yourself, Ben, listen to what I told you, what the fuck do you want?”

"I know what you saw yesterday, I know what you felt," I look away.

"I don't think that matters now. You have every right to do what you want with whoever you want, but I must tell you something,” I am brave. "I won’t take part of your child games, I will not be part of your army or Snoke's, I don’t want to be part of any of this. A lot of people are trying to come up with a plan to destroy you and… and I'm not going to stop them.”

He abruptly looks away and talks.

“It's not a good time,” He says, I look at him confused. I see to where he’s looking at, but I don’t understand what’s going on. His expression changes and turns to me.

"It's Rey,” when I think he's going to leave, Kylo does the opposite, He sits on my bed and talks to her.

I sit next to him and listen only to his part.

"If this is a lie, it’s a good way to cut a serious topic.”

“It’s not a lie," He says, glaring at me. "She is with me," He replies to Rey, then I can see how his cheeks flush and he gets nervous. "It's not what it seems,” They keep talking, “Nothing happened with... with that woman."

I look at him surprised, but I shake my head, I don’t want distractions. Damn hormones.

Both continue talking and I try to connect what’s happening with the little information it gives me.

“You're not alone," He replies. His heart beats faster and I feel his body tense.

"Ben?" I touch his shoulder. He stirs in my bed and the connection seems to be cut, his gaze returning to me.

"I wish everything was easier. I wish I could tell you everything that's going on, but I can't do it, even I don't know. The only thing I’m sure of is that I’ve failed you and there’s nothing I can do to remedy it. You’re right to be angry, since I saw you... the night I thought I lost you is the only thing I could see every night. I may regret many things, but what I can never, truly forgive myself for, is what I did.”

I don’t know what to tell him.

"I tried to forget you- The woman… nothing happened.”

"You don't need to give me an explanation–“

"I need to, I must do it,” He gets up and paces around the room. "I don't know what you're doing to me, but just as, or maybe worse than when we were younger and I can't stop thinking about you and... I'm going crazy."

“You're not the only one…” I say in a whisper.

"What are we supposed to do now?"

"I don’t know.”

After a few seconds, he comes closer and I get up. My body is tired and I’m sure that his is too. His hand touches my cheek and I get closer to him, resting my head on his chest. Then we just hug. Since I came here, it’s the first time that I feel safe.

That night we both slept in the same bed, the first night without any nightmares.

——————————————————————

When we wake up, Ben shakes my shoulder lightly and tells me about Rey's possible arrival.

"I need you to stay here.”

"It's the only thing I've done since day one,” I roll my eyes as I get up.

“Kiara…"

"You know I'll be leaving as soon as I can and you won't be able to stop me,” He sighs and gives me the briefest of smiles.

“Rey’s arrival will cause chaos.”

"I'm used to it."

"Kiara, please–”

“No."

Ben growls, but he knows he can't do anything.

"Come with me” I say. He looks at me in surprise.

"Yesterday you just wanted to yell at me, now you want to take me with you?”

"I always want to yell at you, sometimes strangle you but... what you think of as the chaos, I see it as an opportunity.”

"You can't come with me, I must take her with Snoke.”

"Then go, but as soon as you can... come back to me,” I craddle his face in my hands. “You're not alone, Ben. You have a home and you know it, it is your duty to return.”

He lean further and kisses my forehead, takes my hand, puts something in it and then closes it.

"Stay safe," He then leaves the room. I open my hand and feel a terrible lump in my throat when I see the necklace Han gave me on my birthday.

I can’t wait anymore

I look for my lightsaber in Ben's room. And I prepare for the inevitable.

——————————————————————

I walk all over the ship with my saber in hand, ready to get rid of any droid or person, but it seems that all the troopers have been called somewhere else, I'm heading there too.

Upon arrival, there are several armed groups, I get closer and I hide behind some boxes. Without attracting attention I listen to what they say. Apparently Phasma and Hux are in front of two people in first order uniforms… Hold on…

"You're wrong,” I know that wonderful voice!

Finn and... another girl are forced to kneel.

“Take them out with a blaster is too good for them. Let them hurt,” Phasma orders.

Damn, now I understand what the other soldiers say about her, she’s not the boss for nothing. The only good thing about my confinement was not running into her. Although, it wouldn't be a bad idea to meet us now, would it?

I come out of my hiding place little by little and see how two troopers come out with weapons ready to obey Phasma.

"We don't have to get aggressive, guys,” Their focus is on me now.

"The prisoner,” says Phasma.

“I'm Kiara, pleasure,” I feel the eyes of Finn and the girl on me as well.

"Catch her,” Two troopers approach and with no effort, I turn on my laser and get rid of them.

"I wanted to chat, my dear. But it’s not going to be possible, free them and maybe I’ll have mercy.”

I don't wait for an answer and the two soldiers who trapped Finn and the girl met by my saber. Both get up and the other soldiers get into attack position.

"Was this your plan?" Finn whispers.

I grimace.

"Not the best, but at least I helped?”

“We're dead,” the girl complains and I look at her offended.

Before anyone could do something, a big bang explodes behind us. All I remember is my body crashing against the ground. It doesn't take long for my eyes to open and see everything on fire, some ships being destroyed.

With difficulty I get up and feel a great déja vu. I turn to my left and see the girl trying to drag Finn's body. I reach out to help her, but he manages to wake up.

"Finn!"

The boy gets up.

“There's a ship back there, we have to go!”

I stop.

Go, I could get out of here.

"Kiara?" Finn asks me worried. "We must run away…”

I start to run, but we didn't last long since Phasma and a group of Stormtroopers survived.

The fight begins and the shooting of the blasters do too. I light my saber again and use force as an ally to try to defend myself and help my friends.

"Finn!" The girl screams and I see how Phasma corners the boy. I try to go to him, but a group of soldiers stop me.

Phasma manages to hurt the boy and knocks him unconscious. I don't waste time and just when the soldier tries to kill Finn, I stop her with my saber, now the fight is between her and me.

"We wouldn’t have been friends," I say between gasps. I dodge her attacks and I can tell she is good, but she’s also weak.

I hurt her with my saber in the leg and she falls, I raise my gun, but before I can do anything. I feel a huge pain in my chest, so much that it destabilizes me and I recoil a little, I can hardly breathe.

Ben! I don't get a response. A great mistake, a great distraction.

Suddenly a sharp pain shakes my body. Phasma took advantage of the distraction and used her weapon to cut my arm.

I scream in pain and fall to the ground as I hold myself.

What happened next is a little fuzzy, I see Finn, then he reaches out and grabs my saber, pulls my left arm and helps me up, my weight on him.

"Come on, Kiara, don't leave me now," He whispers in my ear as we walk.

The girl along with BB-8 manage to help us and we all go to a ship to get out of there.

On the ship, Finn lays me down and the girl helps him cover my no-longer-right hand, but before we leave, I close my eyes and focus on the connection.

Ben

I wait a few seconds.

Sorry

You must come

I’m so sorry, my star

——————————————————————

Finn and Rose's ship arrives at the rebel base, being a ship of the first order, everyone begins to shoot, but the crew raise their hands and little little by little they come out to make it known that they’re not the bad guys.

“Finn! Rose! You’re not dead!” Poe yells as soon as he sees them. “Where's my droid?”

BB-8 runs towards its owner while Finn and Rose help with great difficulty  to Kiara, who’s about to fall unconscious.

Leia and Poe reach out to help. Kiara, seeing the woman can't help but shed pent-up tears.

"Sorry, I- I tried, He…” Says the girl between sobs.

"Shhh, honey, it's okay, I understand."

Poe takes Kiara in his arms and carries her away to the doctors while the others move from one side to the other with the new teams to continue fighting.

The fight is not over.

The doctors managed to stop the bleeding and were able to keep Kiara awake, but her body remains weak. She needs to go to a base where they have better teams.

"I'll be fine, you must help others…” She says with difficulty as she gets up. The doctors are not sure, but they obey.

Kiara stays in her place and tries to contact Ben, but all her efforts are in vain. Ben has put up his barriers again and her weakness doesn’t allow her to break through them.

"I see you followed my style…”

The girl looks to her left in disbelief.

“Luke…” The man points to her hand with a small smile. Kiara rolls her eyes and laughs a little. "It suits me better."

"I bet,” When Luke is in front of her, he touches her cheek. "I'm sorry for all the damage you've been through, Kiara.”

"I guess that’s what happens when you listen to a blond man impressed by your abbilities as a thief.” We both laughed.

"I come to confront him, Kiara. I can't save him,” The girl knows what he's talking about and looks away for a few seconds.

"I tried to help him, Luke."

"You did a better job than me,” He says with a half smile. "I don't know what happened, but I feel like I should apologize.”

“Luke," She tries to say something, but the man continues.

"I'm sorry I failed you and Ben, but now I'm here to try to fix things,” He sighs. "I must also confess…” She stares at him, expectant. "Of all my students, you will always be my favorite," Both laugh again.

The last thing Luke Skywalker gives to his former apprentice, his friend, is a kiss on her forehead, then he heads towards the main headquarters, where Leia is.

The confrontation continues between Kylo Ren and the resistance, only now, Luke Skywalker is the distraction. The problem now is to get out of the cave.

Poe finds the solution by being guided by the cave-dwelling creatures. Everyone follows him, Finn helps Kiara until they reach where the exit would be, but it’s covered by stacked rocks.

"I don't like this at all," says Kiara looking at Leia.

"There must be another way out," says Poe desperately, but the movement of the rocks interrupts him.

On the other side Rey is in charge of using force to leave the exit clear. Everyone leaves and Finn hugs his friend while Poe picks up Kiara again and helps her move on.

"Someone has leveled up in the 'lift rocks' lesson, right?" Kiara scoffs when she walks past Rey, who just laughs. Everyone follows the path up to the Milenium Falcon.

Kiara's body is connected to various machines and medical help. At this moment, finally, she closes her eyes and rests after a very hectic day.

Taglist:

 @oopsiedoopsie23

@blackheartedspider

@fandomshit6000

@thewinterschildren178​

[raeynbowboi]

What Are My Ships 2.0

So, a while ago I did a post on my then viewpoints and opinions of ships within the BnHA/MHA fandom, and needless to say my opinions have changed since then, so this is sort of an update to the last time I did a post of this nature. Like last time, I’ll be going from my OTPs to my Favorites, Likes, BrOTPs, and then my NOTPs. However, whereas before I was mostly talking about the ships I liked, I want to expand this one to give an honest opinion on all of the ships, or at least the popular ones. Also, if I say I don’t like your ship, that doesn’t mean I don’t like you or your fellow shippers. I just don’t like the idea of those two characters together. Frankly, I wouldn’t even really say I’m an “Anti” to any ships except anything involving an adult and an under-aged character, and anything involving Mineta because fuck Mineta.

OTPs

So before I get into this one, I want to clarify the meaning of OTP as I use it. When I say my OTP, it means one of two things: Either A) This is the only person I ship with this character, and I don’t care for them being with anyone else, or B) I do like them in other ships, but nowhere near the level of this particular ship. I usually ship in accordance to the canon of the work. I look for evidence in the text itself, and I build my appreciation for relationships based on the evidence provided. Though I’m just as capable of crack shipping as anyone else, I tend to prefer the ships with a lot of canon content. Furthermore, my OTPs are usually a pairing that as far as the text itself is concerned, they don’t really seem to have any other legitimate love interest. Bakugo for example only really has shipping fodder with Kirishima. Bakudeku is more of a rivalry, and Kacchako is really stretching for something that isn’t there. Bakugo shows absolutely no interest in the girls of his class, and Bakudeku is so abusive and toxic that it’s firmly off my radar. So, since Bakugo doesn’t really like anyone other than Kirishima, as far as I’m concerned, Bakugo only has one actual love interest. The same could be said for Kirishima. The only characters other than Bakugo he has canon reasons to be shipped with are Tetsutetsu and Ashido. However, Tetsutestsu is very clearly being shipped with Kendo, and although Ashido and Kirishima are old friends, Ashido isn’t around for Kirishima’s emotional growth moments. Kiri isn’t thinking about Ashido when he reassures himself of his worth. Kiri isn’t making excuses to be around Ashido. Kirishima has little to no romantic dynamics with Ashido, they’re just two kids who went to the same middle school. So, like with Bakugo, I don’t really consider Kirishima to have any other truly viable love interests. And sure, I was using my main OTP as an example, but I apply this same logic to most ships, except for crack ships.

KIRIBAKU//BAKUSHIMA

So I just explained why I don’t ship them with other characters. But bashing other ships is not an argument, it’s just hating on other pairings. So rather than just gushing about my feelings about Kiribaku, it’s better to explain why I ship them. Kirishima and Bakugo have equal and opposite character flaws. Kirishima is a friendly character that lacks self-confidence. Bakugo is an overly confident character that isn’t very friendly. The appeal of Kiribaku is that they both grow from this relationship, which is like writing 101 when writing a good romance. The couple need to both get something out of the relationship. Kirishima is friendly enough to get Bakugo to warm up and be more of a team player, but Kirishima also has enough of a backbone to call Bakugo out when he’s being an asshole. He’s able to appreciate Bakugo for the person that he is, but he won’t allow Bakugo to mistreat him. He forces Bakugo to recognize him as an equal, and Bakugo responds by addressing him by his name. Something which is very clearly a sign of respect, as he also does this on one occasion with Uraraka during the tournament arc. Kirishima’s friendliness and determination to be close to Bakugo earned Bakugo’s trust and respect, and he rewarded Kirishima’s determination by treating him way better than he treats anyone else. Kirishima on the other hand is a character who is deeply insecure. Dying his hair red, spiking it up the way that he does, modeling himself after heroes he idolizes, Kirishima’s character is clearly someone who doesn’t have a lot of confidence or self-esteem, thus why he models his behavior after others who he views as role models. Where Kirishima would doubt himself, Bakugo is self-assured enough to put Kirishima’s mind at ease. And speaking from experience, Bakugo’s method works. Like Kirishima, I too have struggled with insecurities, and Bakugo’s ‘fuck what everybody else thinks, do it cuz you like it’ methodology actually helped me get over my own worries and doubts. I actually was able to get over my fears of self-doubt because of the things Bakugo has said. And I’m a stronger person for it, just like Kirishima.

MIRITAMA

If you’ve been following my page for a while now, you may already know that I love me the relationship dynamic I tend to refer to as Sunshine and Stormcloud. That is to say, when a happy optimistic and friendly person dates a grumpy, sad, or otherwise “dark” character. Unlike Kiribaku, these two don’t really have to fight off other suitors. If either of them is shipped with Nejire, Mirio with Midoriya, or Tamaki with Kirishima, these ships are all small fries compared to this ship. So small that they really don’t pose any threat. These two have a great dynamic, and both motivate the other to succeed. This is also just a super cute healthy supportive couple. Mirio has never once said anything about Tamaki’s anxiety. He just accepts that it’s part of him, and I would not be surprised if Mirio has helped Tamaki through panic attacks in the past. This pairing is just so wholesome and cute, I love it.

HAWKSDEAVOR

Okay, yes. Endeavor is a total trash mammal abusive dickbutt. But guess what? So was Bakugo, and now he’s won 3 popularity polls in a row. I sort of view this ship as the adult version of Kiribaku. Especially since Horikoshi has drawn some not so subtle parallels between Endeavor and Bakugo. And the overall relationship dynamics are similar. An overly-confident and proud asshole learns to care about other people through meeting and befriending a happy-go-lucky and friendlier young man who earns his respect. Now, I’m sure there are people who don’t think Endeavor deserves redemption, but I for one have always been a supporter of the “Love redeems” trope when done right. And Hawksdeavor is doing it right. Because although Endeavor has a past of abuse and general assholery, that abuse was never targeted at Hawks. This is not an abuse victim falling in love with their abuser. It is a neutral third party helping to rehabilitate an abusive asshole into a hero deserving of the title. It’s also worth confessing that I have not been a victim of abuse, so I might have an easier time forgiving Endeavor and wanting him to grow and change than someone who has been hurt by a parent or anyone else in the way Endeavor abused Shoto. And I want to make it clear, I like the ship. That doesn’t mean Endeavor is anywhere near done repenting and groveling for Shoto’s forgiveness because child abuse is a serious issue, and Endeavor does need to work for his redemption. But, I am at least willing to humor his attempts and give him the benefit of the doubt to at least let him try and repair the damage that he’s caused his family, because he’s at least putting in the effort to be better, and that’s worth at least something to me.

INATODO

I like Tododeku. I do. But I love the weird ass dynamic between these two. Plus it’s an interesting yin-yang personality difference you don’t see a lot. The monotone emotionally distant partner and the constantly screaming overly passionate partner. It’s a bit goofy, but I like it. Their quirks can also fight against each other or work together for something much stronger, which I think is a great metaphor for a couple learning to work together and being stronger as a unit.

DAVE MIGHT Okay, full disclosure, I haven’t actually seen the BnHA movie. But it’s cute as hell, and I ship it. Sadly, I don’t have much to say, since I don’t know much about their dynamic, but anything that gives the story more gay is good in my eyes.

TETSUKENDO

Yes, I have straight ship. But in all seriousness, this one is only an honorable mention OTP, not because I ship it with much enthusiasm. It just doesn’t really have any other viable competition for either member, which qualifies it as an OTP.

FAVORITES

TODODEKU

I know full well that Deku probably won’t end up with Todoroki. Despite him and Uraraka having about as much chemistry as a soggy slice of pizza, it’s pretty clear that Izuchako is the canonically viable ship. Too bad they’re boring, bland, and completely unremarkable as far as romances go. They’re cookie-cutter standard, vanilla-flavored, and and just generic. A big part of that of course is Uraraka’s complete lack of defining character traits, more on that here. At least with Todoroki, there’s more going on in their relationship. They have a more interesting dynamic for starters. On top of that, Todoroki is a three dimensional person with a fully realized personality, wants, hopes, dreams, fears, flaws, and backstory. And Uraraka is... cute. And Nice. And... nice. To quote a show from my childhood, I could stand in a puddle of Uraraka and not get my feet wet, that’s how shallow her character is. Which means that Todoroki is not only more interesting, but due to being his own character, he offers contrasting or complimentary viewpoints, life experiences, ideologies, and character traits to clash or mix with Deku’s to create a more rich and interesting narrative. The girl doesn’t even have interests. When a character is so hollow that you can’t even name more than two character traits before you start having to use synonyms, you’re not exactly creating the next Prince Zuko. And sure, I was nicer to Izuchako in my first post, but I also hadn’t yet realized how completely shallow and flat Uraraka was as a character. So yeah, Tododeku is a major step up in my own opinion.

KAMISERO

I wasn’t always the biggest fan of this ship. When the show started, I didn’t really see it. Truth be told, I still don’t really see textual evidence to support this ship, but damn if it isn’t cute. I’ll be the first to admit this is a ship I started shipping because I saw shipping fanart and thought it looked cute. I like the best friends to boyfriends idea that comes with them, and I think they’re cute together. Plus their hero costumes totally go together.

KAMIJIRO

Yes, another straight ship. See I do have them every once in a while. I can’t really say much about this ship compared to last time. I think it’s cute. Kami makes Jiro laugh. They’re in a band together. And they both strike me as laid-back types. Like they could just hang and that’d be enough for them. Like there’s a reason Jiro’s considered an honorary Bakusquad member. She’s really chill and down-to-earth, which seems like a good fit for this sparky doofus.

SHINKAMI

A lot of fans refer to them as Erasermic 2.0 and I’d say sure, with the exception that Kaminari isn’t as annoying as Present Mic. For the most part, I like their dynamic. It’s cute, and I could see it building up to something interesting. Perhaps what’s more curious is the fact that ShinDeku basically fell off the face of hte earth once this ship came around. Because I see way fewer things of Shinso x Deku than I do Shinso x Kami, so something that popular is probably popular for a good reason.

LIKES

TODOMOMO

I’m honestly only including this cuz it’s a popular ship, and apparently probably where the canon ships are heading. Too bad I didn’t even realize they were being shipped together until I literally saw a promotional thing with them together that said that this was apparently one of the biggest ships in the fandom and I didn’t get the memo, cuz I had no idea these two were a thing in fanon or canon at all. At literally no point have I ever seen anything even resembling intimacy or even genuine affection between the two. They work well together, and they’re good teammates, but as a romantic pairing they came completely out of left field. If you ship them, well good for you, but I don’t really see why. Well at least it’s not abusive or toxic and it doesn’t involve Mineta so you do you.

MOMOJIRO

I won’t lie, as a gay man, lesbian ships tend to go right past my radar. The only times I’ve ever gotten really invested in shipping lesbian characters was when there was heavy canon backing to support the ships. But without canon support, I don’t really go looking for it. And frankly, I don’t see it with this or any lesbian pairing in this series.  There’s no romantic spark as far as I can see. But I guess at least within fanon, I see this ship a lot and it’s fine. It works. Lesbians deserve representation too, so I get it. People look for themselves in media. I don’t judge on that front. I mean, a big part of my disinterest is that the girls are secondary characters. I think Hagakure gets two lines per arc. But for me personally, I’m just not really invested in the lesbian ships of this series. But of the lesbian pairings that are even a little bit viable, Momojiro i guess is at the top. MomoKendo is the only pairing I’ve come close to actually shipping, but it’s pretty clear who Kendo is going to end up with.

HATSUMIIDA

I like Hatsume. I think she’s a fun character. I wish they’d use her more because she actually has a personality. And it’s actually enjoyable to be around. But these two are basically just a couple because Iida has gone from Deku’s best friend to background student ever since the stain arc ended. Honestly, this ship is more of a comedic duo. the Comically Serious with the Comically Wacky. And it’s fine.

TSUKOYAMI

Bascially the same thing I said last time. They’re cute, they’re two smart cookies, and they work well together. They haven’t really done anything new together in a while, so it’s a pretty dormant ship right now.

ERASERMIC

The ship is fine, I just don’t particularly like it. It works, but it’s not really something I actively ship. Mostly I just don’t like Present Mic, I think he’s annoying and his tiny mustache is unattractive. I don’t really have a problem with this ship. I don’t particularly care for it either. It exists. I’m okay with its existence.

IZUCHAKO

Okay, I know I bashed this ship pretty hard in my discussion of Tododeku but that doens’t mean i hate it. It means I’m frustrated with it. It has the potential to be good, but it settles for bland mediocrity. There’s nothing here in this boy meets girl will they won’t they main boy must date main girl cishet ship that hasn’t been done to death by a thousand other shows. It’s boring. And yeah, most of that fault lies with Uraraka not being a real person. And before Izuchako shippers get all defensive, honestly answer me this: Name one of Uraraka’s hobbies. Tell me something about her. Give me any indication that she has any character trait other than sweet, nice, or friendly. Sure okay, she can get competitive, but she gets that way. As in, it’s not an inherent trait. It has to be turned on. And okay, she’s selfless enough to want an easier life for her parents. The problem with Uraraka is that she’s forced to remain this perfect porcelain figure. And a lot of my problems with this ship could be fixed by fixing my problems with Uraraka. Make her a real character. Give her a story arc. Give her interests and hobbies, superstitions, quirky behaviors. Anything. Just don’t treat her like a trophy to be handed to Deku when he saves the day. Believe me, I want this ship to be better. Because this is the flagship couple of the series. So they should be better written. But they aren’t and that’s upsetting.

BrOTPs

BAKUJIRO

Let me tell you, as a huge fan of this BrOTP, it was SO vindicating to see them working so well together during the drill against class 1-B. I genuinely believe that after Kirishima (and possibly now Kaminari) that Jiro probably has the best chance of being called Bakugo’s best friend, and I love that. These two feel like they’d just get along due to their punk/emo/goth vibe, and shared aloofness. I feel like Jiro is good enough at keeping her cool that she is one of the few characters who could just stonewall Bakugo’s angry yelling and just reply with a sarcastic quip about him throwing a tantrum without even looking up from her phone. They just seem like they’d get along once Bakugo starts to respect her more, and I look forward to that day.

NOTPs

My opinions on my NOTPS really haven’t changed, so I’m honestly just going to copy and past them. If you’ve read them before, then it’s unnecessary extra reading, and if you haven’t, then it can still look like a fresh opinion.

KACCHAKO

This ship straddles the line for me, as I do like this pairing, but only as a Friend!Ship. I like the idea of Bakugou sort of bringing Uraraka’s more competitive nature to the surface, and the two becoming sparring partners. It’s just the romantic angle I’m less keen on. The main contention I see for this pairing as a romantic couple is that Bakugou didn’t hold back against Uraraka during the Tournament Arc, but I personally prefer to look at it as a great parallel to the battle between Neji and Hinata Hyuga during the Chunin Exams in Naruto, an anime which was a major influence for Horikoshi. In both fights, a genius and prodigy who stood as an elite among the young recruits was set to fight the primary love interest who was significantly weaker than him. In both fights, both Neji and Bakugou completely refused to hold back and wiped the floor with their opponent. The main difference came in how the fights ended. When Neji moved in for the attack as Hinata was defeated, multiple supervising teachers had to restrain him from killing her while she was barely able to remain standing. Comparatively, the instant Bakugou noticed that Uraraka was collapsing in defeat, he stopped his attack. Heck, part of me even expected Bakugou to retrieve her tournament jacket and give it back to her, but I suppose that would have been a little out of character. My point with this story is that Bakugou had the mindset of a true feminist. He didn’t show mercy because she was at a lower skill level or because she was a girl. He fought her as if she was a legitimately threatening villain, and when the threat was neutralized, he no longer needed to keep fighting. I choose to read this as a recognition of her as a hero in training and even the building block upon which to build further respect between them. So, I can understand why people might ship this pairing, especially since Bakugou doesn’t really have anything even resembling shipping fodder with any other female character, as he doesn’t really tend to talk directly to the girls in his class. Still, for me, I think these two are much better off as friends who push each other to improve, but if this ship is your jam, I don’t see anything too problematic with it.

BAKUDEKU

This is probably the only ship I’d come close to calling myself an Anti for, but in truth, I don’t have a problem with people who ship these two, I just find it too problematic for me to really have any kind of favor for it. My problem with Bakudeku is that it’s mutually toxic. Midoriya shows very clear signs of abuse, whether it be verbal, physical, or mental, as he flinches at the sound of Bakugou’s voice, and immediately backtracks when talking to Kacchan in an attempt to stop him from getting angry enough to provoke an attack. However, Midoriya is just as bad for Bakugou, as it has been said numerous times that Bakugou’s pride is the direct result of endless praise and affirmation as a child from teachers and peers. Midoriya is a contributor to this problem, as even now, he continues to remark on how amazing Bakugou is, thus feeding his pride and inflating his ego. While it is possible for these two to grow past their rivalry and even enter something of a friendship, I don’t like the idea of such a toxic, abusive, and cruel dynamic taking any sort of romantic shape, as it would be damaging to both boys. Granted, some people enjoy darker pairings and others enjoy it for the idea of the redemption and reconciliation, but this pairing simply is not for me. If you do like this pairing, good for you. I am by no means trying to sway people’s opinions to resemble mine. I am by no means saying you can’t like this ship or that you shouldn’t, I’m just explaining why I do not.

[lovemesomerafael]

El Amor Todo Lo Puede          Chapter 56:  Home

Source:  @peter-stone

Chapters 1-55

Laura knocked quietly on the door of Lucia’s apartment in the Bronx, feeling a strange mixture of excitement and sadness.  They had kept in touch, of course, for the two years Laura had been away, although after those first, hellish months, they hadn’t spoken quite as often.  Laura fully expected that they would spend time during this visit crying over their mutual loss, and she didn’t dread that. In fact, she and Lucia hadn’t been able to hug while they cried in all the time Laura had been gone.  Since the crying part was probably inevitable, Laura thought it would be nice to be able to put her arms around Rafael’s mother while they shared their pain.  

Lucia had tried to understand Laura’s need to run away.  At first, she had been confused and a bit hurt that Laura wouldn’t be in New York, where they could comfort one another.  Over the two weeks after Rafi’s death, however, as they had worked feverishly together to do all the horrible tasks that have to be done when someone dies, Lucia had seen in Laura a fear that she herself didn’t feel.  Laura was not only grieving the past, she was also terrified of the future.  Lucia wasn’t. Partly, the difference was that Laura was young, and had to figure out who to be, now that she had been left without the partner she’d chosen to spend her life with.  Rafael’s death had fundamentally changed who Laura was.  That wasn’t true for Lucia.  Losing her child, adult though he had been, didn’t change Lucia’s identity as his mother.  The other difference was that having another child wasn’t an option for Lucia, so she didn’t have to find the courage to try again.  

Over the past two years, something had happened that neither of them had expected.  As much as they had liked being mother- and daughter-in-law, they found that they also enjoyed being friends.  Lucia still felt motherly toward Laura, who also loved Lucia like a second mother.  But helping one another through their greatest loss had also forged a deep, lasting friendship between them as women.  Rafael was always there, between them, a shared love that united them.  But they found that, slowly and in stages, their conversations branched out to involve the rest of their lives, as well.  It was a lovely connection that allowed them to keep Rafael close – the two women who had loved him the most – and also allowed each of them to enjoy the other for her own sake.

When Lucia opened the door, she and Laura hugged (and cried) for a very long time before Laura even crossed the threshold.

 *************

Dinner at Amanda’s had started at breakfast time.  Laura wanted to spend as much time as possible with her friends from SVU, so they’d arranged to meet at the zoo in Central Park, where the kids could play while the parents talked.  Laura was shocked by how much they’d grown; both Fin’s grandson, Jaden, and Amanda’s daughter, Billie, were talking already.  They weren’t speaking full sentences, but they were certainly able to make their needs known.  Amanda’s daughter Jessie and Olivia’s son Noah both had vague memories that they had an “Aunt Lala”, but had really been too young to remember Laura.  It was great fun to get re-acquainted with them, and to discover Jaden’s and Billie’s personalities, made easier by the fact that Sonny Carisi was, by far, the kids’ favorite person and knew everything about them.   As soon as they saw that Sonny liked Laura, they decided to like her, too.  

While the older kids ran around like maniacs and the littler ones alternated between mania and meltdowns, the adults caught up.  Laura had cried as soon as she saw Fin, which she’d known she would.  He tried to play it cool, but the tightness of his hug and the amount of time it lasted told her he was just as glad to see her.

“Any idea what you’re gonna do when you get back to Chicago?”  He asked.

“I have a few leads.  I really loved the work I did for the feds; I might want to do something with computer crimes.  Or maybe I’ll go to the dark side and make a mint working in cybersecurity.  Regular hours, no one shoots at me…”

“Yeah, but you’d never get to go off on anyone.  Remember Reginald Skoggs?  You love that shit,”  Fin laughed.

“Oh, man, I haven’t thought about him in years.  But you’re right, that was fun.  Remember I had to change my clothes before Barba saw all the blood?”  

Fin laughed at that, too, and Laura noticed that the whole group seemed to relax a little, knowing that it was all right to mention Rafael’s name.  

“What I remember is you still owe me fifty bucks for not tellin’ Barba what you did.”  

Laura feigned a blank look.  “I don’t remember that.”

“Yeah, sure you don’t.”  Fin threw an arm around her neck and gave her a rough hug.  “Punk-ass kid.”  

All morning and afternoon, the SVU detectives shared stories of cases they’d worked and listened as Laura told them what she’d been doing.  Laura wanted to hear every story about the kids.  They had so much to talk about that it was actually after lunch by the time the conversation neared the subject of Rafael’s murder.

Olivia moved so that she was walking next to Laura while they headed toward the Polar Circle, where the penguins – the kids’ favorite - lived.  

“I thought we’d get to see you for Randolph’s trial.  I wasn’t surprised to see him plead out, but I was sorry to miss out on a visit from you.”  

“Thanks, Lieu. I knew he’d take a plea.  McCoy was going to bury him no matter what, so I think he just figured he’d save himself the trouble.  For a sweet man, Jack McCoy can be a scary SOB when he’s crossed.”

“Yes, he can,” Olivia agreed.  

“Anyway, it was better that way.  I really wasn’t ready to come back until pretty recently.  In fact, I might have stayed longer, except…”

“Yeah, I heard. You know, until Rollins told me the whole story, I just thought you and Stone were oddly close.”  

“And you were right about that,” Laura laughed.  

While Jaden and Billie napped hard in their strollers, Fin sat with them and napped a little, too. Liv and Amanda kept a close eye on Jessie and Noah, and Laura and Carisi stood leaning on poured concrete rocks, watching the penguins.  

“So I’m looking at all these kinds of penguins, particularly the macaroni penguin, which is really the coolest of penguinkind, and I’m thinkin’ that right there is evidence that God has a sense of humor.”

“Hmmmm. Deep, Carisi.  I don’t disagree, but I’m thinking whoever named them macaroni penguins gets an honorable mention.”

“Yeah, I could go there,” Sonny shrugged.  “And since you didn’t throw me over these rocks into the water, I hope that means that maybe you and God have made up a little?”  

Laura thought for a minute.  “There was this priest in Stockholm, Father Piär. He helped.  Probably not as much as you, but he did OK.”  She bumped Carisi fondly with her shoulder.  

“I don’t know that I helped any, but thanks.”

“Sure you did.  And I appreciate it.  I owe you.” Laura didn’t want the day to turn maudlin, so she changed the subject.  “So I noticed in your emails, you never mentioned any dates.  You didn’t become a monk or something, did you?”  

“Nah,” Sonny blushed.  “I just like to play things close to the vest, y’know?”

“Well, don’t. Tell me.  I want to know you’re happy.”

The smile on Sonny’s face, and the crinkles around his bright blue eyes told Laura that he would never want for romantic companionship for long.  “There’s no one special right now, but…  I’ve kinda been thinkin’ I’m getting a little old for dates.  Dean got married, you know.”

“I hadn’t heard that!”

“Yeah, married a surgeon.  They’re in L.A. now.  Anyway, I’ve been thinking I might be in the market for someone, you know, more permanent.”

“Any candidates?”

“Not right now. But who knows?”

“Just don’t get serious about anyone until I get to check them out.  Don’t rely solely on Amanda’s judgment.”

“If I have to wait until Amanda approves someone, I might as well hang it up right now.”

The rest of the afternoon went on like that, everyone enjoying the day and Laura getting a chance to talk one-on-one with each of them.

At dinner, there was plenty of wine and entirely too much food.  Sonny made something no one could pronounce, but it was so good everyone ate until they couldn’t possibly take one more bite.  Lucia joined them, and they all enjoyed themselves.  To Laura, it felt as though she’d never been away, which was just a little bittersweet, because it meant she kept expecting Rafael to walk in at any time.  

There was a sweet moment when Olivia was telling a story about an argument she and Rafael had, and Noah asked, “Is Rafael the same as Uncle Rafa?”  

Olivia told him that he was.

“I ‘member him,” Noah said.  “He used to sing the pirate song.”  

As much as Laura had needed to leave New York to escape the constant reminders of Rafael, it was lovely, now that she could, to be able to talk about him with people who had known and loved him.  There were a hundred stories about funny, biting comments he had made, demonstrations of his undeniable abilities, and his courtroom coups.  Lucia told some hilarious, adorable stories about him as a child that he would never have allowed her to tell, had he been there.  They all laughed, and shed a few tears, and toasted his memory.  The entire day was as special as any of them had hoped, and it was a perfect way for Laura to acknowledge the life she had loved in New York before she went on to begin a new life back in Chicago.

Amanda waited with Laura and Lucia at the curb for their taxi back to the Bronx.  She and Laura had exchanged many hugs throughout the day, but it still didn’t feel like enough.  They sat, side by side on Amanda’s stoop, with Amanda’s arm around Laura’s shoulder.

“Just remember, you need me to shoot Stone, I can make it look like an accident.”

“I thought it was Rafael you offered to shoot.”

“It was, but you never took me up on it, so I still owe you.  But I’m kinda hopin’ you don’t ever need me to shoot Stone, either.  ‘Cuz you look happy.  And I like seein’ that.”

“Me, too.”

“You take care of yourself, Parker.  You know you always have a home here, if you want it.”

They hugged yet again, both smiling, and Amanda pulled Lucia into the hug with them.

**********

The flight from New York to Chicago had seemed very short after the flight from Stockholm. And now, Laura was home.  She smiled even as tears spilled over, looking out the window of the airplane at the familiar landscape.  

She walked through the concourse toward Baggage Claim.  She reached the main terminal, passed the security checkpoint, and descended the stairs toward the row of baggage carousels, some surrounded by people and spitting out luggage which then circled slowly, some still and silent.  She idly looked out over the scene as she walked down the stairs.

She froze on the last step, her heart doing some sort of somersault in her chest and a large swarm of butterflies taking sudden flight in her stomach.  She whispered an involuntary, "Peter."

She stood, unmoving, staring at the tall, beautiful man standing near the baggage carousel for her flight.  As always, his muscular, athletic build and his square, masculine jaw stirred a deep longing in her.  She stared almost helplessly at him, just as she had done that day years before, when she saw him in the lobby at District 21, waiting for an appointment with Sergeant Voight.  She realized with a surge of love that the pain of missing Peter was over.  She was home now, with him, and there was no longer anything to keep them apart.

His hair was longer than it had been when she’d last seen him.  It looked so good she instantly wanted to run her hands through it. Had he let it grow for her, knowing she liked it that way?  Only when he looked up at her, perhaps sensing her staring at him, did Laura take the last stair and begin to move through the crowd toward him as his face broke into a wide smile.

They didn’t say anything at first as they came face to face, just took a moment to smiled at one another before they wrapped their arms around each other in a long, contented embrace.  People looked at them, some annoyed at these fools locked in a marathon hug in the middle of baggage claim, some grinning shyly at the apparently very happy reunion. Peter and Laura ignored them all. Somewhere in the middle of their embrace, they began to share whispered “I love you’s” among heartfelt endearments.

There were plenty of kisses and laughing as they collected Laura’s luggage and walked, talking animatedly, out to Peter’s car.  With so much to carry - suitcases, Laura’s guitar, her carry-on - they hadn’t been able to hold hands or put arms around each other as they walked, and with each step, Laura found herself more aware of wanting to touch Peter.  She noticed again his hair, just a bit shaggy, and the way it made her think of him in bed.  She watched the sexy way he walked, so athletic and confident, legs wide and striding quickly.  As Peter stored the luggage in the back of a new SUV he’d purchased at some point after he’d returned from New York, Laura stood close to him, just wanting to be near him and eager to have her arms around him again.  

He slammed the gate down and pulled her to him.  As he leaned down to press his lips to hers, she breathed in his scent: a clean, masculine smell of soap and a little bit of musky cologne highlighting a warmer, savory essence that Laura thought of as just plain man.  She reached up, sliding one hand into the hair at the back of his head and using the other to hold him close.  As their mouths met in heated haste, Peter’s arms encircling Laura completely, she felt herself pressed against the back of the vehicle.  She moved her legs to more fully melt their bodies together, feeling lust overcoming her sense of anything beyond Peter. He felt warm and firm, large and muscular, the beginnings of his erection evident as he moved against her.

He broke the kiss when they started to lose control of the sounds being drawn from them and the wantonness of their hip movements.  

“Get in the car,” he growled, and they quickly separated to slide into their seats.  Before even thinking about putting on seat belts, they turned to each other and their mouths met once again for the kind of kisses they really wanted, but couldn’t indulge in publicly.  Their intimate caresses became quickly more serious, more heated, and soon they were both moaning as Peter’s tongue teased Laura’s. Minutes later, Laura slid a hand up the inside of Peter’s thigh.  

He took her hand from his leg, lifting it to his lips and kissing her fingers, chuckling.  “You missed me.”

“I missed you like crazy.  And I want you.  Let me…”

“Not here.”

“Please?  We could get in the back…”

“I am not going to have sex with you in an airport parking garage,” Peter said, a little more gruffly than he meant to, because he was having some trouble resisting her suggestion in his current agitated state.

“It wouldn’t be the first time.  I think it was even this garage.  Remember when you went -“

“That was…  We were in our twenties then.”  He consciously tried to slow his breathing.

“And?  What are you, a grown-up now?”  Laura leaned in and began kissing Peter’s neck, slipping her hand from his and reaching toward his crotch.  “Come on.  I love you, and I’ve been thinking about you nonstop.  Let me touch you…” she purred.

“Stop,” he said, laughing but taking her hand again.  “I mean it.  You can do anything you want to me when we get home.  Now behave.”

She moved back into her seat, pretending to be grumpy as she fastened her seat belt.  “Behave.  Since when have I ever behaved?”  

“Just be patient. I’ll make it worth your while.”  Peter gave her a look that did nothing to cool her arousal.  “I promise.”

Seeing that he wasn’t going to relent, Laura settled into her seat, smiling contentedly. “It’s good to be home.”

“It’s good to have you home,” Peter agreed, reaching for her hand and intertwining his fingers with hers.  

The city looked beautiful to Laura, even in the dreariness of late fall.  There was a weak sunlight through breaks in the clouds, and there were still some trees with bright fall foliage here and there. Mostly, the city looked good to her because she had been homesick.  She noticed a new building going up on the downtown skyline and pointed it out to Peter, asking where, exactly, it was.  When he told her, she scrunched up her eyebrows.  “Wait, doesn’t that mean… didn’t you miss your exit?  I thought you lived in the Fulton River District.”

“I did,” he responded, looking at the road.  “I moved.”

“You moved? You didn’t tell me you moved.  When did you move?”

“A few months ago. Didn’t I tell you?”

“No.  How do you move, and not tell me?”

“I must’ve forgot. I told you, I’ve been crazy busy these last few months.”

Laura frowned. This was strange.  Moving is not something you forget to mention.  “Where do you live now?”

“Wilmette.”

“Wilmette!  You do not.”

Peter smiled and chuckled a little, but kept his eyes on the road.  “I do, actually.  You’ll see.”

“Peter, you… that’s… I can’t believe you moved to Wilmette and didn’t tell me.”

“I thought you liked Wilmette?”

“I do.  We both do.  Remember, we used to talk about living there someday.  That’s why I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”

“I’m sorry, Sunshine.  Really.  I guess I thought I had.”  He lifted her hand from the console where their clasped hands had been resting and kissed it for about the hundredth time since they’d left O’Hare.

Laura shrugged slightly, but she was still uneasy.  He had told her that he’d been extremely busy over the months since he’d visited her in Stockholm, and with all that had happened between them, maybe he really had forgotten. But it still struck her as a very strange thing not to mention.

Several miles later, Peter exited the freeway and drove through the Village of Wilmette, a clean, leafy, cute midwestern town with lots of small shops and other businesses lining the streets.  He turned into a neighborhood of pretty houses, many of them brick, all set back from the street behind well-maintained front lawns with trees and shrubs.  Most of the houses had flower gardens up next to their foundations, although this late in the year there weren’t any flowers blooming.  He turned into an idyllic, peaceful street and began to slow down.

“You’re messing with me,” she said.  “You bought a house?”

“Yeah,” he said, pulling over against the curb.  “We’re here.”  

The house he pointed to was two a story brick, with copper awnings covered with verdigris over bay windows, one on either side of a rounded front door that sat at the top of a set of two steps.  There was a little patio in front of the door with wrought iron railings on either side. There was a chimney to one side, and it looked like there was another chimney at the back.  Peter got out of the car and came around to open Laura’s door as she simply sat and stared.

“Do you like it?”  He asked, a sweet, expectant smile on his face that almost hid a glint of mischief in his eyes.  

Laura stepped out onto the curb and stood, looking at the charming house.  “You didn’t forget to tell me you bought a house.”

He shrugged, pleased with her reaction.  “Maybe not. Maybe I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“Peter, this is your house?  It’s beautiful!  It’s perfect! You really live here?”

“Got the mortgage to prove it,” he said, taking her hand.  “C’mon.  I want to show it to you.  We’ll get the luggage later.”  

When they reached the door, he opened it and then turned to her and lifted her up with one arm behind her back and one behind her legs.  

“What are you doing?”

“I’m carrying you over the threshold.”

All Laura could think to do was laugh.  This was… bizarre.  Unreal.

They stood in a small foyer with a flagstone floor, a little table with a lamp on it just inside.  Something about the table or the lamp, or maybe both, looked familiar to her, but she was so curious to see Peter’s house that she didn’t give it much thought.  The foyer gave onto a short hallway.

The first room they came to was a formal living room with a couch and some wingback chairs arranged around a fireplace.  There was something about the room that seemed…  Then she noticed the painting of a cottage in the English countryside over the fireplace. 

“I have that same painting,” she said, her voice a little unsure.  “I’ve never noticed that in your apartments, did you just get it?”

“Sort of.  Let me show you the rest of the house.”

He led her past the living room to the end of the short hall, which opened onto a large, sunny great room at the back of the house.  The room had a pleasant kitchen separated by a span of granite countertop from a family area with another fireplace.  Laura was astounded, her head swimming at the surprise of Peter owning a house in Wilmette, and the perfectness of the house itself.  

“Oh, Peter, this is great!  It’s… I love it!  Is this actually a wood-burning fireplace?”

“Yep.”  

Again, Laura had an odd feeling about the room.  It seemed like she’d been there before. 

“This is so weird.  I’m having the weirdest sense of déjà vu.  I know I’ve never been here before…  Holy shit, I know what it is!”

She turned to him to find him grinning like a fool. 

“Peter, your house is just like the one we used to talk about.  Remember?  When we lived in that fifth-floor walk-up in Evanston.  Now all you need is a dog named Marshall.”

Peter, now actually laughing, cocked his head toward a sliding glass door that led from the kitchen out to a patio.  “Back yard.” 

Laura felt herself go numb.  Her eyes got big and she just stood where she was, a confused expression on her face.  Her voice was shaky as she asked, “What’s going on?”

Peter went to the door and opened it.  “Come on.  Meet Marshall.”

She almost stumbled as she moved, uncertain and overwhelmed, over to him.  He put an arm around her back, enjoying every second of her reaction, but a little worried this might all be a bit too much.  He led her out onto the wooden patio, which had two sets of steps down to a small back yard shielded from any neighbors by high hedges.  She noticed movement to one side, and her eyes fixed on a red doghouse from which a Yellow Labrador Retriever puppy was sleepily emerging.  The puppy saw Peter and ran to the stairs, a little small yet to climb them easily. 

“Oh, look at you!  You’re so cute!”  Laura hurried over to pick up the puppy, who immediately began to lick all over her face.  She looked at Peter, eyes still wide, confusion and disbelief still very much evident.  “How old is he?”

“She is about three months old.”

“You named a girl puppy Thurgood Marshall?”

“I had to.  That’s the name we picked out.”

“I… what?”

Laura had just enough presence of mind to notice that Peter’s smile was heartrendingly handsome.  He was looking at her, holding the puppy, as though he was a child on Christmas morning catching his first sight of what Santa had brought.

“C’mon, let’s sit here for a minute.”  He sat her down on the stairs that led from the deck to the yard and settled next to her, their legs touching for their full lengths and his arm around her.  

“You OK?”  He chuckled.

“I…  You bought a house.”  She looked up at him just as the shocked, confused look on her face was replaced by something else.  “That picture.”

“Hmmmm?”  He asked, grinning again.

“That’s mine, isn’t it?”

“It was.  Now it’s ours.”

“Did you…?  What did you do?”

“We moved you in.  Everything you had in storage, we moved in here.  This is your house.  Well, our house.”  The grin became a radiant smile.

“Our house.”

“That’s right.  You live here.  With me.”

Peter realized he should have found a way to record this moment.  Her face was registering every emotion that tumbled through her head. He would have liked to be able to watch it again and again, for the rest of his life.  

“But… Who’s ‘we’?  Who helped you move everything in?”

“Do you really have to ask that question?  I could never have finished getting everything ready for you if your whole family hadn’t helped.”

“Our family.”

“Our family.”

“I don’t know what to do.  I don’t know what to say.  Peter, this is…”  She reached for him.  “I’ve been telling you for twenty years that I love you, but I’ve never loved you like I do now.  And not just because you bought me a house.  I don’t know how to say a bigger I love you, but… I love you bigger!  They don’t have a word for how I feel about you.  So how am I supposed to tell you?”  Laura’s eyes were overflowing with tears as she laughed into Peter’s shoulder.

“I know how,” he said quietly.

Marshall had been frolicking around their feet as they sat on the stair, and Peter reached out to her, taking hold of a little white ribbon tied to her collar, which Laura hadn’t really noticed.  He untied it and something that had been attached to it fell into his hand.  As he reached behind himself to take Laura’s left hand, she gasped. He pulled her hand to him and held a small gold band with a solitary diamond shining in the middle just off the end of her ring finger.

Laura laughed again through her tears and said, “Yes.  Yes, yes, YES!”

Peter laughed, too.  “Always so impatient.  I haven’t asked you yet.”

He took a deep breath, wanting to give this moment the seriousness it deserved.  As he looked into her eyes, he said, “I love you, Laura.  Will you marry me?  Will you make a family with me?  Be the mother of my children?” 

“Yes,” she whispered, suddenly unable to speak. 

She watched as he slipped the ring onto her finger.  “Peter,” she gasped, “Is this…  This is…  This is our ring.  From before.”

“Yeah, I know.  We’ll get a real one, I just needed one to propose with.”

“We will not get a real one,” she cried, suddenly finding her voice as she threw her arms around him again.  “This is the real one.  You kept this ring, all these years…  You will have to pry this ring off my finger.”

For the next several minutes, Marshall became increasingly excited because Peter and Laura were paying no attention to her.  They were too focused on each other, laughing, hugging, kissing, and telling each other over and over how much they loved each other.

“Peter, stop.  I can’t!  This is too much.  I’m gonna explode or have some sort of neurological event from happiness overload…”  Laura laughed breathlessly.  “How many of my dreams are you planning to make come true?

“All of them,” he answered.  “Didn’t I tell you?”

[lifeasabpdmum-blog]

Borderline Personality Disorder, Is commonly the most misunderstood illness. 

I think, If you asked my friends what BPD was, they probably would not have a damn clue.  As I am writing this right now, I am Manic. Which i dont often encounter, well I get happy but, Manic? not as often. When i am Manic, I am unstoppable. Something that comes with having borderline Personality Disorder is attachment. We become attached so heavily to people, that we can spend all day thinking about this person, We want to be around them all the time, Attachment is very hard, Usually we become attached to figures that look after us, a care giving, or a position of authority. example Teachers, Doctors, Therapists. Your days can revolve around them,  And you can wait all day to speak to them, And if they have the slightest change in tone, It can ruin your whole day, Because you feel like they hate you. 

I’ll use when I was in the psych ward for example, I got so attached to one of the woman in the ward with me, I called her my psych unit mum, We got so close and would spend hours chatting and just spending time together, Before I got the privilege to have the rights to go outside for a cigarette, When she would go outside for a cigarette, I would become absolutely distraught, I just could not cope, without her while she as outside. 

a few days later I was granted the rights to go outside and have a smoke with her, I was over the moon. The day after I was able to go outside and smoke with her, The hospital released her, I was an absolute wreck I locked myself in my bedroom, And refused to come out for hours I just lied in my bed and cried, I have not seen her since she left, And even though I thought I could just die without her, by the next day I had calmed down and was okay again, Yes, sure I missed her, but I didn't feel like I would die without her anymore. 

Often having BPD is like watching someone else destroy your life! 

Okay so let me start this off by how I got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.. 

I was in a little psych unit called the Mother Baby Unit, Which is a unit where you go when you have Post Natal Depression, I was there for 2 or 3 weeks, and progressively got worse over my stay there, by the end I was threatening to run out in front of a truck, It was an unlocked ward so potentially i could have done that, But the nurses would not let me leave. So because they would not let me leave I locked myself in the bathroom I did not really know what I was going to do, But I knew I wanted to die, I said to them that if they would not let me go home, the only way I would be leaving was in a pine box, They took all my belongings and hid them, They monitored me for a few hours, But it felt like forever. 

They got the Head of the Psych unit and a security guard, to escort me to the adult psych ward, where for the first night I had a nurse by my side every second because I was on suicide watch. Once I saw the Therapist and he said changed me from involuntary to voluntary, I was taken off suicide watch, However, I still was not allowed to go for a cigarette. Anyway I was in there for 3 weeks, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. And put on Seroquel. 

So many people hate this drug, But It saved my life. I took it and by that week I went from extremely depressed to the most Manic I have ever been. 

But in saying that Since I started taking it I dont know, Whats me or whats the drug.  

I feel like sometimes It is so hard to parent because My son, doesn't understand why my emotions are so excessive  and they change quickly, Sometimes he thinks hes a bad child because my illness gets the better of me, Which is untrue, he is an amazing kid, Having this illness I think has ruined me being a great mother. Because of my emotions. 

I feel like most days are hard because I feel to overwhelmed with life that, I can’t take my son to the park, Because out doors are scary. So we sit inside all day watching kids shows or movies.  And although watching kids movies is fun, thats no way to live daily.

Days get hard. And I’m trying to take my son out and go for play dates. And push through my anxieties. So I guess parenting with borderline personality disorder would be the hardest thing I ever have done in my life. I wouldn’t change it for the life of me though. Because yes it’s hard, yes it’s a struggle, but I am who I am because of it!

“Borderline personality disorder is a type of personality disorder. Symptoms of BPD include not having a sense of who you are, worrying about abandonment, quick mood changes and feeling very intense emotions.”

“Borderline personality disorder, also known as emotionally unstable personality disorder, is a serious mental illness that causes the inability to manage emotions effectively.

The disorder makes a person experience very intense emotions, and can affect relationships.”

I can’t cope with a lot of things that I want to be able to cope with.

As he is quite little it’s hard to explain whats happening in ways he can understand. When I started this blog, I was extremely manic, as I write this part now I’m extremely low and suicidal.

I want to be a good parent, i want to go seek medical help, increase my meds or something, are there such things as BPD parenting classes? Because I feel like I need a lesson in parenting. I thought writing this blog post would be easy, but it hasn’t been, because parenting with BPD is hard and I don’t know how to put it into words. I really hope my son knows that behind mummy’s “scary” that I’m trying to do absolutely everything to be as normal I can be for him.

I have a few triggers. That probably would make things easier if I learnt to stay away from. Which I’m trying to do, I’m scared to leave the house, when I try to do that, I get so scared and want to hide. I don’t want to teach my son that outside is a scary place. I have ordered a book online that goes through worksheets to do for people with borderline personality disorder. Which I hope will help.

If anyone has any tips on how to parent please add some tips cause this is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through.. and I’m scared

[ivytorn-blog1]

LANA CONDOR, CIS-WOMAN, SHE/HER, HUNTER   /   deep in the pacific northwest lives IVY MAI LE. i heard they’ve been living there for four years and last saw them hanging around the rough draft, i think they might’ve been pouring drinks while listening in on conversations. at twenty two years old, ivy doesn’t look a day over twenty two. everyone around here always associates them with leather bound books, hidden in the back of the shelf; scars beneath delicate flowers and patterns in ink-covered skin; and the final sharp inhale before one tells a deadly secret. hope they enjoy their stay ! ( cami, gmt, she/her, 19 )

TW: DEATH, BLOOD, SCARS, SELF-HARM (or sorts)

I.

a family of refugees, the le had a long established reputation back home as the brave protectors of mankind, nomads stopping at every village and small town to valiantly step into the darkness and return with a token of the evil ailing the populace. with very little collaboration with other hunting families, they kept extensive tracks of lore, written and verbal, passed down through generations - thus, the accounts they now possess are a mix of superstition, old wisdom and rare experiences. it is well known that if a hunter is looking for out-of-the-box ways to defeat a target, the le’s knowledge might be of use. 

ivy is part of the first generation of her family to be born in the united states, their new hunting ground since the 1960s. for the most part, they’d stuck together, leaving only to marry into other families or to join prestigious groups. their status had carried over to their new country, and their skills only consolidated the fact that the le were a family one would wish to keep as close friends within the hunting community. 

born on the 17th of december, 1976, in modesto, california - but soon the moving began. the le carried a philosophy of self-protection and search for better targets, one that involved moving at least once a year, hopefully with no tracks behind to be followed. staying for a few months, every family member who was able to work did, gathering funds for the next expeditions and better gear. to reach a le, one had to actively search for them. 

this led to ivy having no formal education. under the official guise of homeschooling, she, her siblings and cousins learned the basics of mundane education: writing, reading, easy maths. everything else was done in a militaristic setting and specialized in the trade they’d pick up as soon as they were deemed ready. survival skills, botany, lore, interrogation, fighting, shooting. nurturing friendships outside of he family was a hard task, but ivy was up for it anyway (mostly during the final weeks of being in the same location, when the house felt too small and her cousins too annoying,and she sported a bleeding nose from fighting her siblings). the instinct to look to the outside world was always there, even if just as relief from the suffocation of her family. however, she’d eventually be on the move, and never allowed to send letters or telephone anyone afterwards. 

ivy was the classical middle child. with two older brothers and two younger siblings, she was often found trying to sneak into the back of the trucks leaving for hunting missions, because if miles, only 6 years older, could accompany the grown ups, so should she. in other occasions, she played the role of the instructor, throwing knives with the youngest, assuming herself the leader of the family, the great wise one - of course, until there was blood and crying and she was grounded. other times, though, she was hidden behind doors, listening to conversations she wished to take part in, but never close enough to be allowed to. a constant feeling of being on the edge of proving her greatness, but never seen enough for that. one such occasion came at the time to flee to oregon. 

her family has been focusing on werewolves for the past 15 years, ever since a particularly bad encounter left a few relatives dead ingruesome ways. they will hunt everything else, even if that means they must join forces with other groups for better results, but werewolves have become quite the specialization. eight years ago, down in southern california, the family began a war they did not intend to wage by angering a particularly big pack with what was considered brutal unjust killings. the le found themselves as the targets, in a mess most other hunters refused to touch out of their own preservation - instead, they help set up routes for the le to leave, far away from the pack. pride got in the way, but all that bravado wouldn’t make winning any easier - only when the eldest son, miles, only twenty years old, was violently murdered did the family pack up.

II.

miles was a promising hunter, nearly as skilled with a gun as his father - but then it was all gone. the family had to regroup, grieve and, above all, reestablish their image. 

up until then, ivy had already begun going on missions (simply watching when she was ten, helping at twelve, full member of the team by fourteen) but it all changed after miles’ death. the narrative wasn’t that their children weren’t well protected, but rather that they were unprepared. when they handed her six year old cousin a knife and rope, she understood. the new goal was to make them not impressive soldiers but the best, as soon as possible. there was no space for slip-ups.

ivy’s mother has a reputation especially for interrogations. in order to grow their lore books or purely to get information on other targets, her mother came in with a bag full of flasks and tools - and young ivy had always shown interest for that. not exactly the violence of torture, although she quickly grew desensitized to it. the stories that came out of their targets’ mouths, however, were fascinating, small windows into the world of the supernatural. so she stayed, listened, asked questions sometimes, and slowly began performing the incentives as well. they tell her she has a future in that, a great interrogator. the thought makes her stomach restless: imagine all the knowledge she can amass. imagine all the things she’ll be able to ask when it’s just her interrogating, no one else in the room to supervise her work, much less her words, her excitement over the tales of her victims. 

despite that, the le are not within the most ruthless of hunting families. they believe in a strict moral code of balancing plates - all supernatural creatures are inherently evil (if they are not, it simply means they are fighting their natural urges to be so, and thus their goodness is an unstable state) and so, hunters like them are meant to kill off threats to the neutrality of the world by getting rid of some evil. they won’t kill someone purely because they are a supernatural., but will mistrust them, and likely keep track of them for a few days to make sure they can’t find any current (or past) transgressions. however, taking those lives should bring consequences to the hunters themselves - this, of course, ignoring the fucked up mentality/indoctrination this leaves them in, and things like ptsd, but they certainly don’t care about it. in order to keep that delicate balance, for every life a le takes, they mark their own skin with a dash, letting it bleed, hurt, and at last scar. they are both used as a sign of pride, members showing off their deformed skin with glee, and as a moral tally, keeping hunters from going on mass killings that are not justified.

things have, however, grown much more brutal since miles’ death. the incentive to grow that tally is stronger than ever, and the justifications for missions are simpler and simpler. 

III.

in oregon, they moved even more, until four years ago. arcane falls was alluring for its established community of supernaturals AND hunters, a dangerous game of cat and mouse right under their nose. ivy still lives with the rest of the family in a big house down a dead lane, the only other house in view being a decaying old one (that, of course, the entire family had already explored for safety and the hopes of finding something wicked in there). everyone took up little jobs, and ivy continues to expand her resume in bartending, now pouring drinks at the rough draft, where she keeps her ears open (even if a lot of the information she gathers turns into missions for her elders or teaching experiences for the younger ones) 

arcane falls is a bit of a dream for ivy. she’s so close to all these different beings, even serving some in the bar. a chatty bartender type, some of what she hears is not intel for missions, but rather knowledge for her own gain. here she’s been able to keep her eyes open for a hidden pleasure of hers: magic.

books inside carved books, ivy has been keeping lots of information on the supernatural - nothing that’s of use in tracking them down and killing them, but rather in understanding them, their powers and skills, the beauty of the terrifying dark they inhabit. magic, especially, is a secret vice. she’s just purely in love with the concept of breaking the laws of everything that is real and truly loses all the cynicism in her when she sees it. but it’s a terrible sin no one shall know.

she still hasn’t achieved the greatness she knows she’s capable of. in fact, ivy knows she hasn’t even had a chance to prove that she’s half as good as she claims to be. she hasn’t brought home any major token, hasn’t conducted any great interrogations, everything feels like she’s just holding her breath right now, so close to everything but not there yet. 

not having gotten her chance also leaves her on a particularly bellicose edge. it sees she’s a powderkeg always about to explode, and the smallest of thigns set off that anger she’s been building up for years - ready to anger, ready to start a fight, ready to self-destruct when outwardly destruction is not possible. 

she’s begun covering up her scars with tattoos, much to the dismay of her family. she claims it’s to not cause a scene at work once others see her arms and connect it to the le reputation; after all, her shoulders and upper arms are getting pretty crowded. delicate flowers and weeds are intertwined with the scars, collapsing into geometrical patterns closer to her neck, and she plans on getting more. much more. 

ivy is also a casual hunter?? sports hunting. forest survivalism. she enjoys pushing herself and self-training. the rush of being a predator, even if the moral consequences are harder to grasp.

this young lady loves playing with knives way too much. keeps a pocket hunting one with her at all times, of course, but truly enjoys swinging it around for fun, throwing, pretending to chop some fingers off just to giggle at the reactions around her. most things she does are in search of a certain rush like this. 

character parallels: erik killmonger, kate bishop, stefan salvatore, rosa diaz, bobbi morse, derek hale,sabrina spellman, tish walker, penny adiyodi, jace wayland, billy kaplan, raven reyes, julia wicker, annabeth chase,meera reed, sam winchester, isaac lahey, idk more help

PINTEREST to come soon oops

hmu for plots and such pls !!

[gascon-en-exil]

chiakihayasaka said

there supposedly is supposed to be one bi guy and one bi girl per house and i feel like sylvain makes the most sense for blue lions

That many same-options wouldn’t be too bad, although honestly I’m not much interested in who Byleth can sleep with since like all previous Avatars they just don’t come across as enough of a self-insert or enough of a fully fleshed-out character independent of the self-insert aspect for me to really care about them. Outside of Byleth’s options I think the Blue Lions have plenty of potential for gay subtext, particularly with Dimitri and his extremely devoted retainer Dedue and childhood friend/rival Felix. Either (or both) of those dynamics could easily be played that way, with a lot of dramatic potential based on what we’ve seen so far of Dimitri after the timeskip. The leaker mentioning that Edelgard is a bi option also piqued my interest, not for her but for the potential that the other lords might be open to swing both ways for Byleth or possibly others. If the lords are pairable with each other than Dimitri/Claude really ought to be an option, for a long overdue vindication of all the homoromanticism present in the Blazing Sword lord trio.

I kind of wish FE would commit more fully to either wish fulfillment via self-insert romance or compelling relationship dynamics, some involving queer or other subversive sexualities. If they’re going to keep up with Avatars who can screw the whole cast, even in the absence of child units, just make everyone bi. It’s not realistic, but it’s a free-for-all on wish fulfillment and it might even be easier from a programming standpoint. Conversely stuff like the many shades of queer subtext in the Deliverance or Leon as a tongue-in-cheek nod to contemporary twink culture couldn’t have worked as well as it did if Echoes had had an Avatar in play. Maybe leave that kind of content for the remakes and have the new games hammer in the dating sim aspect? That’d be disappointing, but a Three Houses where the only homoerotic content involves Byleth would be even more disappointing.