#although if any of u have opinions about whether i should do it i’d love to hear it

[wanderingmausoleum]

getting the make another sideblog itch again…this time for writing/OC and history-related topics, because my special interest in the world wars (particularly WW1 atm) has returned with a vengeance and i have ideas for stuff i want to write set in that period…what say you, dear readers

[yuminsung]

NCT 2020: SYNERGY (my wishes for an album)

I was positive we were getting an NCT 2020 comeback at the start of the year, however now I have realised I am a clown. So, instead, I have spent longer than I should’ve creating an album filled with stuff that I would like to see.

I want to preface this with the fact that I have no qualifications in anything related to music / album design / production or anything like that, this is just based on my opinions as a fan of music and NCT.

I’m gonna split this into 4 sections to kinda separate my thoughts, and so it’s easier to navigate.

1. TITLE

NCT 2018s album is titled EMPATHY, the definition of this being “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another”. I think SM chose this to reflect how NCT 2018 was an amalgamation of 127, DREAM, and U. I wanted to try and keep this theme for NCT 2020, though expand on it due to the addition of WAYV. 

SYNERGY is defined as “the combined power of a group when they are working together, that is greater than the total power achieved by each working separately”. To be honest, I think the word ‘synergy’ perfectly sums up NCT’s concept of sub-units, so it would be a good choice for NCT 2020s album’s title due to its meaning as well as its similarity to ‘empathy’ sound-wise. 

2. ALBUM COVER 

The album cover for EMPATHY was very bright, like all the colours of the rainbow, but still very minimalistic and kinda futuristic? The NCT vibe. I think their second album would suit a slightly more mature design, and as I have no talent in design, I’m going to use existing album covers to give an idea of what i think would work well.

If SM was to go down the route of a similar album cover, I think the best example is the 1975′s newest album:

It still has the text elements that were prominent on EMPATHY’s cover, while being more minimalistic in colour (aside from the yellow side panel which would theoretically be bright neobong green).

If they were to go along a different route to EMPATHY, I think this album cover by Paris Jones could work well for NCT 2020:

If the background surface was black, a polaroid of all 21 members could be a simple but effective album cover. 

In terms of promotional photos, this scene from the WAYV ‘Regular’ MV is my first thought:

Photos taken on a set like this, with all the members dotted about the room and maybe the album title + members’ names repeated across the screens could work well to give off the futuristic NCT vibe. 

3. TITLE TRACK / CONCEPT 

I can’t create a whole album’s worth of songs, so for the next two sections all the songs mentioned are going to be from existing artists. I’m not trying in anyway to suggest that “NCT would do it better” or that NCT should release the exact songs mentioned - I’m just using these songs to represent the styles I would like to see NCT explore. 

Title Track: GETTING CLOSER - SEVENTEEN 

I think SVT are a really good example of having a lot of members that all have the opportunity to shine. Getting Closer is that bitch, like the line distribution is spot-on and the choreography is one of my all-time favourites. 

Black on Black was mainly instrumental to highlight the performance ability of NCT 2018. Getting Closer is reminiscent of BoB in its powerful nature, but would be able to show NCT 2018′s growth into NCT 2020, with further vocal / rap capabilities showcased alongside the previously established performance talent.

The concepts of BoB and Getting Closer are already similar, so this wouldn’t be anything out of NCT’s / SM’s comfort zone, and would also work towards establishing a dark & powerful ‘brand’ for when all sub-units perform together as one. 

Special Stage: UH-OH - (G)-IDLE

I would like to see NCT 2020 do something a little bit different than ‘powerful’ for the special stage. Uh-Oh has a really chilled kinda west-coast vibe that I think NCT are yet to fully explore in any sub-unit but could absolutely pull off. It would be a stage where they could genuinely have fun performing all together. 

I imagine the stage being done in a way similar to Growl by EXO in that certain groups of members come onto the stage for different verses, then all come on together for the final chorus.

The styling for Uh-Oh is kinda summer streetwear. The best equivalent I’ve found for a boy group in this style is ATEEZ Wave era.

This shows kinda how I think the styling for this stage should be, in particular Jongho, Yunho, and Mingi. Just think lots of colour, street brands, and denim. 

Getting Closer and Uh-Oh are the only songs on the album where I’ve put all 21 members on the same track. 

4. TRACKLIST 

I have no talent when it comes to album design / composition or anything like that, but I tried to create a sort of theme / flow between the songs I picked for the album. NCT songs I’d liken the overall theme to are ‘Love Song’ from Neo Zone, ‘Love Again’ from Reload, and ‘YESTODAY’ from Empathy. 

I’ve used an intro, interlude, and outro to show progression of NCT 2020 through the album, with these 3 songs getting more upbeat one by one. Though extremely cringey, I guess I was trying to emulate them growing happier through being together as a group.

Aside from the two tracks mentioned above that feature all members, the rest of the songs are split into sub-units, whether it be pre-existing unofficial units within NCT or a selection of members I think suit the style of a certain song. I have not included any official NCT sub-units on this album, as that was done in EMPATHY. I’d like this to be one big NCT U album, where we get the members in combinations we’d otherwise never get to hear performing together. 

The Tracklist: 

INTRO: The Unknown Guest (DEAN)

Members: Xiaojun

Xiaojun is a beyond amazing singer (he is my joint favourite vocalist in NCT). This song has an old feel, it’s almost haunting, and I really think Xiaojun’s voice would suit such a song perfectly. Xiaojun performing an intro of this style alone would open the album well and give him the time to shine he deserves !

Track 1: Getting Closer (SVT)

Members: All

(Explained above)

Track 2: CHILLI (SVT)

Members: Rap Line (Taeyong, Johnny*, WinWin*, Lucas, Mark, Hendery, Jaemin, YangYang, Jeno, Jisung*)

I might have completely forgotten some songs but I don’t think NCT have ever released a rap-heavy song of this style. I would love to see them do a rap song with this sort of relaxed vibe - it would show off diversity in their rapping abilities and would be a fun concept to see.

*I know Johnny, WinWin, and Jisung are in both the vocal and rap lines, but I’ve chosen to include them on the rap line track rather than the vocal line track as I think they suit the vibe of this track better than the vocal track. Plus, it would give the three of them more lines (god knows they need them) if they were on this track rather than with the vocal line :)

Track 3: Uh Oh (G-IDLE)

Members: All

(Explained above) 

Track 4: The Truth Untold (BTS)

Members: Vocal Line (Taeil, Yuta, Doyoung, Kun, Ten, Jaehyun, Jungwoo, Xiaojun, Renjun, Haechan, Chenle)

Although NCT has released ballads before, I would love to hear members from different subunits singing together. Like, imagine Renjun, Xiaojun, and Jungwoo on the SAME track - the power. Taeil and Chenle harmonising? Iconic.

Track 5: Spotlight (1the9)

Members: Foreign Swaggers / English-Speaking Line (Johnny, Ten, Jaehyun, Hendery, Xiaojun, Mark, YangYang)

I know Xiaojun, Hendery, and YangYang aren’t technically in the Foreign Swaggers, but I feel like spiritually they are. I wanna see 6 of them causing havoc while Jaehyun spectates (https://youtu.be/acsjfk4cz1U). A song with a playful vibe, not necessarily in English, would suit these members well.

INTERLUDE: Dayfly (DEAN)

Members: Taeil, Taeyong, Kun, Doyoung, Jungwoo

I don’t have any reasoning for why I’ve chosen these specific members for this song other than the fact I think the style suits them well. I think the 5 of them together on an interlude with a relaxed feel would just be a really calming break in the album.  

Track 6: Vibe (1Team)

Members: Taeyong, Yuta, Jungwoo, Jeno, Jaemin, Haechan, Jisung

This is quite a broad range of members in terms of age but I don’t think that matters as each of their styles would suit a song like this. A relaxed style and structure similar to the one this song has would allow each of them to shine, as it’s nearly an equal split of rappers to vocalists.

Track 7: Retro Future (Triple H)

Members: Johnny, Ten

Baby Don’t Stop 2.0. I can just imagine these two singing a song like this and having so much fun. A JohnTen duet track is giving the gays (read @incorrectnct​ ) not only what they want, but what they deserve. 

Track 8: Base Line (J-HOPE)

Members: 99 Line (Lucas, Mark, Hendery, Xiaojun)

The 99 line is 3/4 rappers so a song that is rap-heavy in style would best showcase their ability. We’ve heard Mark and Lucas together during EMPATHY era, and Lucas with Hendery and Xiaojun in WAYV, so I have no doubts the 4 would work together. Plus, rapper Xiaojun could be something that we don’t yet have but definitely need. 

Track 9: Focus on Me (JUS2)

Members: 97 Line (Jaehyun, WinWin)

These two are made for a sexy concept like the style of this song, and their voices complement each-others’ so well. I always felt Jaehyun was one of the members of 127 WinWin was most comfortable around, so their existing chemistry would make a track together even better. 

Track 10: Second Life (SVT)

Members: China Line (Kun, WinWin, Lucas, Hendery, Xiaojun, Renjun, YangYang, Chenle)

They have the range.

Track 11: New Rules (TXT)

Members: 00 Line (Haechan, Renjun, YangYang, Jaemin, Jeno)

A song with a fun feel to it like this is the only way to go for the 00 line. They are almost an even split of rappers and vocalists, so a song like this would allow each member to shine. I know any song with these 5 together would make me smile while listening to it. 

OUTRO: Blue Side (J-HOPE)*

Members: Yuta

Imagine if SM gave Yuta his own solo track,, just kidding,,, unless? But for real, Yuta has managed to prove how talented an artist he is despite SM only giving him 2 lines and 8 seconds of screen time each comeback, so imagine how amazing a whole song by him would be.

*Song will be in Japanese.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I tried to split the members evenly between tracks, which I know is unrealistic but is what we want to see (SM please let Mark, Taeyong, and Haechan rest). I’m not sure if we’ll ever get another full group album, I’ve heard some people saying it will be NCT 2021 for 21 members, like the 18 members for NCT 2018. Regardless, making this made me feel happy thinking about the possible interactions and the songs that could come from it. 

If you’ve made it this far thank you for sticking with my jumbled thought process. Please message me if you have any thoughts about anything in this post or just about NCT ot21 in general :) 

[cravingmarvel]

When We Were Young - Part Three

Pairing: Bucky Barnes AU x Fem!Reader, Steve Rogers AU x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Reader being confused ab feelings but what’s new, 

Summary: Friends since they can remember and falling in love like they’re meant to. But sometimes life just isn’t what you expected. People making decisions, mistakes and saying things they shouldn’t when they’re young. When it comes to love, someone always gets hurt. Always.

A/N: Wow ok, first of all, let me just say a huge massive thank you to Mun ( @buckisthatyou​ ) and Ari ( @shurisneakers​ ) for giving me advice, criticism and wise words I needed. Without these two, this chapter wouldn’t exist now and I appreciate their opinion so so much! 🥺 Thank you all for waiting for this one I know it’s a little overdue but I have a pretty clear plan on where I want to take this series! This is part three of @spideywhiteys 1k writing celebration STILL! lmao sorry I’m dragging this out so much, love u!

As always, please reblog and comment! Enjoy!

Masterlist // Bucky Barnes Masterlist

When We Were Young – Part Three

I swallowed the painkiller, hoping for the pounding headache to be gone faster. Although I haven’t had anything to drink at the engagement party, Steve and I drowned our heads with multiple glasses of whiskey as the hours went on and now, I pay the price for it.

Perhaps the fact that what I had said to Bucky didn’t grand me a lot of seep adds to the hammering in my head. After getting to my hotel, my night was spend tossing and turning, tangling the sheets with my limbs, hoping that a change of position would pull me to sleep faster. Now that morning has arrived, I feel the lack of sleep mangling with my hangover, mixing in my head to form the worst headache I’ve ever experienced.

I laid back in the bed, covering my body with the soft duvet, ready to take this day as an opportunity to sleep and rest my body, before I have to catch my flight first thing in the morning.

My phone started ringing on the nightstand and I groaned, unplugging my phone from the charger and looking at the caller ID: unknown. I picked up waiting for the person on the other end to start talking.

“Y/n? This is Bucky.”

I sat up immediately, shocked to hear his voice. I knew it was him the moment he said my name. “Hey.”

“I’d like to invite you for coffee and lunch if you’d like. Just wanted to talk, y’know?”

Images of last night flashed through my head and it seemed no secret to me what he wanted to talk about. I looked out of the window to my right contemplating whether it would be a good idea to sit down with him, alone. The sun peaked through the spaces between the buildings as I had laid in bed lazily. It wouldn’t be such a bad idea to get out of this room and walk through the city, maybe even meet with Bucky.

“Sure, why not.” I replied.

“Great, uh, there’s a café called ‘bloom’ do you know it, or should I send you the location?”

“No, I can manage.”

“Great, great. So, see you there? In an hour?” Bucky questioned and I noticed the distraction in his voice and the noises in the back, he must be busy.

“Great, see you.” Not wanting to keep him occupied longer we said goodbye and I hung up, sitting in bed for a moment before it dawned on me. I’m going to lunch with Bucky, the man I had just yesterday confessed my love to.

Without wasting any time, I got ready quickly, putting on a pair of black jeans and a white t-shirt, tugging it in. I opted for a green jacket and matching coloured sneakers, ready to leave.

Pulling up the place Bucky had told me about on google maps, I grabbed my bag and walked down the many streets the gps guided me through. I had hoped he would’ve forgotten about last night and the disaster that occurred, but I hoped wrong. My nerves were growing the closer I got, and I couldn’t ignore my hands shaking, the sweat collecting on my palms.

I saw the café in the distance, scrambling up the little confidence I have and taking a deep breath in before I opened the glass door.

The small place Bucky chose was adorable, walls painted pastel pink, flowers hanging from the ceiling with strings of lightbulb shaped fairy lights. Not a place I would’ve pictured him in back in the day. I’m sure young Bucky would have make fun of the Victorian windows or the uniforms of the waiters. He wouldn’t be able to shut his mouth about it for at least a day.

I slowly looked around the room, scanning the many faces to recognize one of them as his and as I walked in further, anxiously playing with the strap of my handbag, I finally spotted him further into the room and he jumped up from his seat by the wall, a small smile gracing his lips as soon as he locked eyes with me.

All the confidence I gathered outside evaporated into thin air immediately as I reached him, unsure of what to do now.

I smiled back at him as he leaned forward to pull me into a hug. The embrace lasted seconds. If he held me this close – too close – any longer I would have moulded into his body, became one with his fingers on my back, tight muscles on his chest melted together as one. But, seconds later as we parted, I felt the air flow steadily back into my lungs.

As I sat down the weight of the moment rested on my shoulders. I haven’t sat down with Bucky like this in a long, long time, but although all these years stood between today and the last time I had seen him did nothing to the familiarity of the moment.

“What would you like, it’s on me.” He spoke as a waiter approached us and I looked at the menu briefly, catching my attention back.

“Welcome to bloom, what can I get for you?” The waiter smiled down at us. It has been a while since I had eaten anywhere else outside of my own café, the pressure of being ungodly kind a little odd from a costumer perspective.

“I’ll take a cappuccino and a grilled cheese on toast, please.” I said to him as he wrote my order down. Bucky gave the man his order, an Americano and a salad, and the waiter walked away to another table.

“I remember you eating those at my house all the time.” Bucky laughed. “Always wondered when you would get sick of them.”

“I don’t think I ever will, and your mom always made it impossible to refuse her famous grilled cheese. Can’t imagine anyone not loving your moms cooking.”

“Well, Nat rather eats at restaurants so.” Bucky shifted in his seat, clearing his throat. “Anyway.”

The awkward atmosphere carried on into an awkward silence on both parts. Bucky wiping his hands on his jeans every once in a while, looking around like he’s just as uncomfortable as me.

“So, how have you been? Steve told me you own his mom’s café now.” Bucky asked, breaking through the silence floating between us.

I nodded as our waiter came over with our order, putting our coffee and food down, smiling politely. “Thanks.” I said in an almost whisper, smiling back at him before he disappeared as quickly as he got here. “Yeah, I knew it was the right thing to do. I love that place and I have an employee, Jenna. She’s great.”

Bucky flashed me another smile. “That’s great.”

“So, how’s Hydra?” I asked as I took a bite of my toast.

“Good, good. Been… really stressful, y’know, with the wedding and all. Sorry.” A smile that didn’t reach his eyes, followed by a laugh that sounded more like a giggle. Still without feelings, but reassuring, nonetheless.

“No, it’s fine.” A heat rose to my cheeks that I tried to hide by taking a sip from my coffee hiding behind the cup. “I wanted to talk to you about what I said last night. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Y/n, it’s fine.”

“No, that- that was when we were young. Back then.”

Bucky let his head hang, looking down to his lap. “Oh, ok yeah. I wanted to apologize anyway for what happened. I didn’t know how I felt towards you. We’ve been friends for so long that I thought it was the right thing to feel, then I met Nat.” Bucky looked back up at me and I wished he would just drop it already. “I’m sorry, for everything.”

“It’s fine.” I said a little too harsh, forcing a smile.

The waiter came back to our table once again, thankfully. “Is everything alright here?”

“Sure, yeah. Tastes great.” I said to him truthfully. The food and even the coffee did taste great, but it did make me think about my café. Obviously, nothing compares to Mrs. Rogers original coffee blend.

“Y/n, I wanted to ask.” Bucky pulled something from his jacket and laid it on the table between us. “It’s an invitation to the wedding. I really want you to come.”

“Bucky, I-“

“I’ll pay for the hotel and everything else you desire. I just need my best friend there with me.”

Best friend. At this moment I didn’t feel like his best friend, sure back then I was. Back then we would have never been this awkward, but now with all this time between us I wouldn’t call this a friendship even. A part of me wanted to decline, to get up and walk out, but another part told me to accept.

Sure, we’re not the best of friends, but we were a long time ago. I took the grey envelope, staring at it. “Ok, I’ll come, but you don’t have to pay for anything.” I looked up and for the first time since I sat down, Bucky showed a genuine bright smile.

We ate our food and surprisingly, Bucky was the one reminiscing on the old days. He recalled the day we met for the first time, saving me from those bullies. “If I hadn’t been there to save you, Y/n, you would have been screwed!”

“Oh, as if!” I looked at Bucky who raised his eyebrows at me. “Alright yeah.” Rolling my eyes at him in response, I took another sip of my coffee.

We continued to laugh at the time he saw that I had gown boobs over the winter, how poor Bucky was so flustered he couldn’t even say ‘boobs’ without stuttering over every letter. We laughed so hard, we had to cover our mouths because of all the stares from the people around us.

I noticed the stares from a few people not at our loudness but at the silver reflecting the sun rays. It was no doubt that they were staring at his left arm. It’s not like we’re kids anymore, being fascinated by the metal prosthetic.

“How’s the arm?” I asked, looking at the exposed hand.

“It’s doing alright, Stark’s thinking about replacing this one though. Something a little less reflecting.” We erupted in laughter as Bucky turned his hand to cast a blinding reflection at the ceiling. “That and Nat is a little freaked out by it.”

“Why?” I knitted my eyebrows together.

“Well, she just wants something less attention grabbing.” Bucky looked into my eyes and without him having to say it, I knew how much it actually hurt him, despite brushing it off as a joke. He was always bad at playing up a façade, his eyes giving away everything that needed to be said, calling him out almost. It was his weakness. Not the arm, but his eyes. Luckily for him, only a few figured this out, the language his deep blue eyes spoke.

We steered the conversation back to something more cheerful, catching up on our very different experiences of uni. Steve has already filled him in on all the shenanigans we got up to. It was this, the past, that had awoken a lightness from a seemingly decade long sleep, to rise between us. Rivalling the sun, begging for a moment in the spotlight.

It must’ve been around noon as we finished our food and coffee. Bucky asked me if I wanted something else, but I knew that I had to leave, to end this right here. But a desire for him to ask again, to keep me in his company withheld my answer.

I needed to call Jenna, I said to him and he nodded in response. We stood outside the café saying our goodbyes before parting ways.

I walked down the street, pulling my phone out of my handbag, dialling Jenna’s number

The sun set behind the buildings of London, declaring the end of another day and another day done for Y/n. The calm pace of the city didn’t match that of the growing crowd in Captain’s Coffee Cup. Hectic customers running in ordering coffee to go and leaving just as quickly with their paper cups in hand, dispersing into the streets.

For Y/n it meant that she had to be quick on her feet, almost transporting to different places in an alarming pace. She had no explanation on hand as to why it was so busy that day, a weekday, but morning to evening busy all the same. It’s indeed worse on the weekend and every Saturday she woke with her back and knees already screaming in pain.

The constant switching between taking orders, making them and bringing the ones to the table that were enjoying their coffee in the café. Y/n could not decide if her feet hurt more than her back or vice versa. Being the only waitress and barista made for an interesting challenge and she had no idea what losing Steve as a partner would mean.

But as the day finally came to an end, she thanked the sun for going down after all. Y/n was busy cleaning tables, putting up chairs, cleaning the floors and the bar on top of all the things she needed to do at the end of another shift. After three hours of resetting the events that occurred at the café, she was glad to take her apron off.

A tiny detail Y/n almost always forgot was the paperwork, so with a huff and a groan, she took herself to the back and into the office to do the managing side of the job that she hated.

And upon almost falling asleep on the desk, an idea struck her, hiring someone would take away half the work Steve did. Someone who would help her out without doing the paperwork.

So, she got right to work and wrote down on paper an ad for the position.

Y/n hung the ad on the door of the café in hopes that someone walking down the streets would see it and apply, that even just one applicant would help her out.

But that’s not what happened. Seemingly a dozen applications were either handed to her personally or ended up in her mailbox. Y/n had a hard time believing that so many would consider working at the café, but she was indeed grateful.

After work she piled through the applications and that’s when it dawned on her; she had no idea who or what qualifications she was looking for. Y/n has never been a leader, someone to tell other people what to do. The challenge of finding people to work for her ended up being quite a difficult task, but she took in on, nonetheless.

Y/n narrowed it down to ten applicants, inviting them to an interview, day after day a new person to question and day after day another one eliminated. Y/n was sure to give up at this point, the process taking more time than expected, but that day Jenna walked in, second to last applicant to be interviewed.

Y/n saw it as she sat down with Jenna that she was send from god herself. Experience in both being a waitress and a barista, but the best part was, she knew how to manage a café and that was a quality none of the other applicants had.

Beside her qualifications, she was sunshine personified. Bright and motivating, both headstrong and polite. Y/n couldn’t have wished for anyone better than Jenna and the qualifications translated from paper better than expected.

Soon Y/n and Jenna became close friends after working four months together. It was more a partnership than Jenna ever being an employee. She brought something to the table that Y/n wanted to learn from and quickly realized that instead of bossing her around, she could open her ears and listen to what she suggests, open her eyes and watch her work to learn more.

Because after all, Jenna was the one with more experience and Y/n appreciated the bond that formed, hanging out after work sometimes a bottle of alcohol between them as they sat on the counter talking for hours on end.

It was one of those nights, a bottle of rather expensive liquor, a luxury they could afford and talking about university. Jenna telling her about the shenanigans she had done in her days, but she always knew she wanted to work at a café, despite the reputation. Jenna confessed to her, her wish of having a café of her own and Y/n’s heart bloomed.

It was getting late and Y/n offered to call a cab for Jenna, but she declined.

“My girlfriend is picking me up.” She said as she put her coat on, throwing her purse over her shoulder as the little bell over the door chimed.

A petite woman walked in, confidence in her step. Her hair free laying atop her shoulders, her skin a dark tone of ebony just like Jenna’s. She smiled as Jenna walked towards her, pulling her into a tight hug, followed by a kiss.

“Y/n, this is my girlfriend, Dina.” Jenna said turning, keeping her hand on Dina’s back.

Y/n was slightly confused but still shook her hand introducing herself. It wasn’t the shock that Jenna was gay, it was that she had never mention Dina. Y/n was never one to judge, that much she learned from life. It was the fact that Y/n worried Jenna couldn’t confine in her about her relationship, but it wasn’t that, Jenna said to her later, she needed confirmation that she could trust Y/n completely.

Y/n went home that night thinking about the trip to New York she would endure in a month time. If only she had a love like Jenna and Dina, the happiness they radiated was something Y/n has never experienced. The only thing she could compare to that kind of love was the love she had for the café.

“Hey Y/n, what’s up?” Jenna spoke on the other end and I was so glad to hear her voice again.

“Hey, sorry didn’t think about time zones.” I laughed as I remembered that it must be around eight pm in London, afraid to be intruding her night time routine.

“No problem I’m just in the bath. So, what’s going on in New York?”

“Well, I went to the engagement party and it didn’t go all too well.” I sighed into the phone, slowly strolling along the buildings beside me. The was no need to pretend I had called for another reason in the first place.

“Oh god, what happened? What did he do?”

“No, it’s more something I did.” I bit my lip, knowing full well she wouldn’t be too impressed with my confession or the reason why I called her. Jenna was silent waiting for me to go on. “Well, I kinda told him that I loved him, back then of course I’m not that big of an idiot.”

“Oh, shit.” She blurted out.

“Yeah, and now he asked me to stay here to attend the wedding as well.” My feet carried me along the sidewalk without me thinking about it. The headache forming back again in my brain made the sun shining between the concrete skyscrapers a curse.

“What are you going to do?” Her voice sounding more concerned on the other end.

“I told him I’ll attend the wedding, but if you need me at the café I’ll catch the next flight-“

“No.” Jenna said, interrupting me through my stutter of words and excuses. I stopped walking, giving her my full attention. “It’s not that, I’m just worried about you digging yourself a deeper hole.”

“What do you mean?”

Jenna exhaled. “Every time you talked about Bucky the feelings you had for him didn’t seem to be in the past. I’m worried you’re doing him a favour that will break your heart.”

I felt bad, dragging her into my life like this, having her worry about my life when she had her own to live. I picked up my pace again, dragging my feet along the sidewalk. “But maybe this is a good way for me to end this chapter. To move on with my life because frankly, Bucky is in love with Natasha and I can’t just run away pretending that she never happened.”

“Maybe, but don’t get too involved. Go to the wedding, have fun and then go back to your life. If you want I could come to New York and ask Dina to-“

It was my time to interrupt her. “No, I can’t ask that of Dina.” I shook my head.

“Ok, fine, but Dina is helping me out at the café anyway, been stressful alone, don’t know how you managed to do it so long.” Jenna chuckled and I heard the admiration in her voice, filling my chest with pride.

“Yeah, me neither, but let me pay her for her work, I won’t take ‘no’ for an answer.” I knew Dina would refuse, but I just couldn’t let her work for nothing. That woman has more energy that Jenna and I combined, and her kindness shouldn’t be just swept under the rug.

“Alright, take care of yourself, Y/n. Enjoy New York, you deserve it.”

“Thank you, Jenna. Tell Dina ‘hi’ from me and ‘thank you’.”

“Will do, bye.”

I stuffed my phone back into my purse, seeing Steve’s apartment building to my right. I was about to ring the doorbell as a man stepped out of the building, letting me in and I walked up the few flights of stairs to his apartment. The closer I got to his door, the clearer the loud voices became.

I got to the door and the voices got louder, my brows furrowed together as I heard a woman shouting just as loud as the other, I recognized instantly as Steve. Unsure of what to do, I stood opposite the door, waiting for an idea to strike me, but I just didn’t know what to do.

The door flew open and a blonde woman I recognize from the photo Steve sent me all these years ago as Sharon walked out of the apartment, her head burning red with anger and Steve behind her in the living room. She stormed down the stairs without so much so as a glance towards me.

I walked in carefully, a little scared. “Hey, Steve.” I said quietly to catch his attention and announce my arrival, but not startle him.

Steve turned around to me. “Y/n.” His tone undefining, unfeeling.

I couldn’t help thinking that coming over unannounced wasn’t the best idea I had. Steve walked around the couch, sitting down, letting his head fall back. He looked defeated, hair messily framing his face, brows furrowed together.

“Do you want to talk about what just happened?” I started to play with the zipper of my jacket out of uncomfortableness.

“No, I don’t.” Steve said with a deep exhale, not as angry anymore, his face and body relaxing.

An awful silence filled the room, me standing in the middle of it, looking around the room I was in just last night, drinking away my problems. The sun started to slowly creep behind the buildings marking the end of another day.

Today seems to be full of awkward silence.

“God, I’m sorry, do you want something to drink?” Steve said suddenly, making me jump. He got up from the couch walking over to the kitchen.

I followed him, putting my bag on the couch on the way. “Steve, it’s ok. I can get something myself.” I smiled up at him, trying to dissolve some of the awkwardness.

He sat down on one of the chairs at the breakfast bar and I opened the fridge taking a carton of juice out. With my back turned to him I stared pouring the juice in a glass I found in one of the cupboards. “Bucky invited me to the wedding, guess I’ll be staying for a little longer.”

I put the carton back into the fridge and turned to Steve, watching as his eyebrows shot up. “Are you really going? And what about the café?”

“First of all, yes and second of all, Jenna and her girlfriend Gina are taking care of the café.” Steve tilted his head in confusion and I almost forgot that he didn’t know about them. “Jenna’s my employee and Dina’s her girlfriend, been a huge help since we’re kinda popular around London.” I explained to him with pride, my chin tilting up.

“I’m really happy to hear that. And if you need a date for that wedding, I’ll sacrifice myself.”

We both laughed and I couldn’t believe how many years were between us. The amount of time that passed without hearing from another. The things he didn’t know about me nor the café. The popularity it gained over that period of time. But what hurt me the most was the fact that I didn’t know a lot about him, what he had been through.

“Aren’t you the best man?” I questioned.

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t bring a date.”

I turned my head away from Steve. It’s been swept under the rug that we had a slight romance in the past but that seemed to be where it belongs, the past. My mind wandered off to the possibilities of being his date for the wedding. It would make me appear less lonely, having someone by my side that I’ve known for years. It would hopefully distract me a little from the event at hand.

I looked back to Steve, watching me with curious eyes. My lips curled up to a smile I couldn’t hold in. “Sure, why not?”

Steve walked around the breakfast bar, wrapping his arms around me. I wanted to ask, to clarify the intention behind the question. The words laying on my tough, breath and tones, but they couldn’t find their way out.

I’ve heard of this before. A book, a poem, what they call love, but in my reality, this translates to heartache.

-

[akechicrimes]

Hey crimes, feel free to disregard this tangent but, do u ever feel like P5 inadvertently or otherwise implied Goro was right with his fake “vigilante justice operates outside and the law and thus must be brought to heel” opinion? What with the fact that the Yaldabaoth confrontation implies the thieves work perpetuated humanity’s sloth AND THEN after an entire game showing us the hundreds of people who were at the v least COMPLICIT in shido’s machinations, a system which is (1)

ohhhhh this one is fun!! this is a super neat question, ty for asking!!!

hmmmmmmmmm

im going to try and break this down into parts, partly because persona 5 is such a convoluted mess with its own lines of thinking, so tell me if i dont do it right. the issues are: (1) goro definitely did say that operating outside the law was bad just on principle that you shouldn’t operate outside the law, and (2) persona 5 did definitely go on to say that all of the phantom thieves’ operations outside the law didn’t come to anything in the first place anyway, because they were only targeting individuals instead of mass systemic corruption/their presence was enabling people to become more apathetic.

i think what persona 5 is trying to get at is that it’s not necessarily that acting outside the law is bad, but that, like you said, targeting only individuals doesn’t work as a tactic. so vigilante justice (e.g. batman style of taking down supervillains) cannot compare to societal reform through collective action.

when i say collective action, i mean that i think persona 5 is trying to point out that “systematic” corruption is really just a corruption of many, many, many individuals working in concert--and that “reform” could just be said to be the opposite, which is activism from many, many, many individuals working in concert.

obviously the ending cutscene where akira;s social link network gets together to protest his arrest is the best example of collective reform, but i think one of the things that i rly like about shido’s wide-spread conspiracy is that it does a rly good job of paralleling akira’s social link network, and pointing out that in the same way that shido’s conspiracy is a collective effort of many many many people that make up a “system,” akira’s widespread social link network creates the opposite effect of a collective effort of many many people that make up a force for change. 

which is why having the phantom thieves as a group itself just promotes more apathy--you get one group of people doing all the work for the rest of society, when if anything’s going to change, we need everyone on their feet.

which surprisingly correct, insofar as i’m aware. if society’s going to change in a substantial way, beyond just changing the hearts of a handful of abusers and letting the rest of the system remain untouched, everyone’s got to be involved. collective effort. do your part. wash your hands. stay indoors. don’t forget to vote. seriously, wash your fucking hands.

but when it comes to whether or not persona 5 says that you shouldn’t be acting outside the law... 

i think persona 5 really really really really really doesnt want to be caught promoting lawbreaking while also being You Should Break The Law: The JRPG.

part of this trouble, i think, is just because they need players to actually like the characters in the game, and therefore all the character have sympathetic reasons for breaking the law. because persona 5 has to sell marketable characters, too, persona 5 itself makes it pretty clear that people who operate “outside the law” are usually not evil dipshit criminals who love sin. the people in persona 5 who act outside the law are usually people who dont have enough power to operate inside the law in the first place. akira, the pt, and goro all seem to have resorted to what they did because they had no societal power at the start, wound up with a persona (aka fast and easy power source), and wouldnt have been able to do anything about their situation otherwise. characters who operate outside the law (like takemi with her vaguely illegal practice, or kawakami and her also vaguely illegal sex work, or iwai and his vaguely illegal gun business) are still supposed to be waifus you are sympathetic towards. 

(...i think i accidentally called iwai a waifu? hmm. on second thought, i’ll just leave that sentence as it is.)

and i really do have to point out that persona 5′s attitude of FUCK COPS is insanely strong. like. persona 5 HATES cops. and that doesn’t let up basically ever, at all, at any moment. for anything. persona 5 wants me to believe that makoto will become a good cop in the future, but if i wanted to find an existing good cop, i’d have to go all the way back to persona 4. like!! shit!! goro akechi is the closest thing we have to a good cop, and he has a pet guillotine for CEOs and his middle name is komaeda.

and that part of the big attitude with FUCK COPS is that it’s another way of morally exonerating the phantom thieves. i think... although the game ultimately concludes with “you should probably not break the law any more because the metaverse is gone,” it’s difficult to argue with the fact that persona 5 is a game in which it presents you with 10000000000000 reasons to break the law and feel Great about it.

(another tangent: i feel like one of the big undercurrents of persona 5, and especially the TV station, is that the phantom thieves are justified in their lawbreaking because the police aren’t doing their fucking job. like, someone’s got to keep people safe, and if the cops don’t like the phantom thieves, maybe they should get off their asses and actually get the criminals before the thieves do. akira literally was on live television and he was like ALL COPS ARE BAD and goro was like wow. anyone else think that was really sexy? @ the guy in the glasses in the back, call me later when you’ve leveled up your charm and knowledge.)

so atlus is in this place where they’ve pointed out that people break the law because they dont really have any other choice, and also persona 5 the game HATES cops, and also persona 5 the game cannot tell you that breaking the law is bad because it is literally A Game About Breaking The Law, but at the same time, they cant really go around promoting crime. from a doylist perspective i was 100% unsurprised that they came up with a fancy narrative reason to get rid of the metaverse and their change-of-heart abilities and just the phantom thieves in general, because all of those are a threat to the status quo. although the game might be right that relying on the phantom thieves to change society for the rest of the population makes the rest of the population lazy and apathetic, it’s pretty convenient that this means that the kids are now no longer able to break the law. so persona 5 really wants people to do things the kosher way, e.g. protesting and such. 

hhfmgmhfmghfmgfmghmfhgg. taking this all with a grain of salt, because again, i do think atlus is trying very hard to avoid saying that people should break the law:

i think atlus wants to say that it’s not necessarily acting outside the law that’s not right, but the fact that just loading the phantom thieves with a ton of power makes people apathetic, and changing the hearts of a few individuals is Not enough to get rid of something like shido’s conspiracy. so instead they say, you shouldn’t break the law because it’s not effective without collective reform. 

i think another thing that persona 5 wants us to believe is that for the most effective reform to be achieved, people both inside and outside the law/system have to be involved in the collective effort to improve society. 

e.g., toranosuke wants to be a man of the people--someone who speaks for the people who are outside of the diet, but toranosuke himself is someone inside the diet. sae’s the other good example; the phantom thieves protest akira’s arrest at the end of the game, but sae, as the insider in the justice system, has to be there to hear and work with them. and this might just be because i watched haru’s s link last night, but i feel like takakura is a really good example: haru pushes back against the company’s shitty policies with her “outsider’s” perspective (quoted because she’s technically the largest shareholder, she just hasnt ever been really involved in how the company is run), but takakura, as the company president and most powerful person at okumura foods, has to be there to hear her request and agree with her, and make company changes based on her requests. 

and it’s for this reason that persona 5 wants us to consider maybe lawbreaking isnt morally bad, just not effective.

i wish i could say that that’s more bad atlus writing, but it’s not. i’ve only really examined changing schools on an institutional level, but the best examples of institutional change in school administration have always been cases where the administration, parents, and community members all work together. in some cases, parents bring up requests for the school to accommodate their needs, and the administration listens and works with them. something something--everyone needs an advocate. the point of a lawyer is to advocate for you. the point of a politician/representative is to represent you and your interests. so on and so forth.

(and i also wish that it could be as simple as saying, “wow atlus said something right for once!” because that’s not true, either--acting outside the law can be outrageously effective. persona 5 trying to tell us that acting outside the law to get shit done isn’t effect smells like corporate trying to tell its workers that unionizing doesnt actually do anything.)

(and i also wish that persona 5 would have acknowledged that sometimes, it takes more than just an extremely moral person to change the world. take toranosuke, for example--i’m sure that if he gets elected, he’ll go out there and be a wonderful representative of the people, but at the same time, can’t we also simultaneously acknowledge that any politician who can make “politics” a career for profit will always be incentivized towards self-interest? in the same way that a military for profit will always be incentivized towards war?)

but insofar as whether or not persona 5 thinks that vigilante justice/acting outside the law is in and of itself morally bad--i’d say probably not. i think they want us to think that it’s not effective.

-

-

-

this is a slight tangent that kind of goes off the issue of whether or not persona 5 is concerned with whether or not breaking the law is moral or effective. i was going back through goro’s dialogue in the engine room--who knows if that’s going to be changed in royal--but i was trying to figure out exactly what the phantom thieves condemn him for. (fucking difficult as fuck considering how bizarre that dialogue was at places.) 

the first one is murder, which goro is unimpressed with (LMAO. KING). the second is that he operated outside the law, to which he replies that they did the same thing (valid). the third is that his form of justice was “selfish,” in that it only served his personal need for revenge. at that point, goro changes the subject--which is not really surprising, since goro admitted long before the engine room that his quest against shido was for his own personal satisfaction. 

that is to say, the phantom thieves can’t say that they don’t operate outside the law, because they do--however, if the phantom thieves can’t be legally exonerated, the phantom thieves are morally exonerated despite operating outside the law because they do it for the benefit of others. that’s actually not an incorrect statement from the phantom thieves, although i dont think they’re doing it for Society Writ Large. the phantom thieves in every single palace have taken on targets to help someone else: firstly ann and ryuji and shiho, then yusuke, then various shujin students being blackmailed by kaneshiro, etc, etc. i remember pretty distinctly that ann insists that she doesnt want to get involved with madarame just for drama or fame (whereas ryuji wants to pick a big target just for the sake of getting famous), but she agrees to get involved with madarame’s palace because she doesn’t want to leave yusuke to possibly kill himself like a previous student.

because the phantom thieves are not able to say that they haven’t operated outside the law in the same way that goro has, the dividing line between them is instead that the phantom thieves are doing so selflessly. but this is just an elaboration on the question of whether or not “is lawbreaking moral?” rather than necessarily “is lawbreaking effective?”

there’s an argument that nothing goro or the phantom thieves did was effective in the long run, and there’s an argument that sae is proof positive that working inside the system won’t be effective, either. 

anyway, unions are effective. so maybe we should agree to wash our hands and join a union.

[seoulnotes]

Luce in altis   |   ix. A Familiar Face

S Y N O P S I S | Passed down from centuries worth of history, the remnants of a hatred between two kings reside in a small village that serves as a border between their two feuding kingdoms. y/n lives in that village and must seek aid from one of the kings. Her trust is tested when she learns of the king that is truly wicked.

C H A R A C T E R S | Kim Taehyung, Park Jimin, reader (y/n) ; (mentions of other members)

G E N R E | fantasy, romance, drama — royalty au ; PG-15

W A R N I N G S (chapter specific) | none

W O R D C O U N T | 4.8k

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The following afternoon as Isobel had said, a seamstress arrived at the palace. She had brought many samples of fabrics with many colors and patterns.

I spent hours with the seamstress, instructed to stand still for some time while my measurements were taken and then picked different fabrics for tunics, trousers, dresses, and on and on.

My eyes landed onto a certain sheet of fabric that was brought by the seamstress. Flowers were embroidered onto the gray tulle but only along the bottom as if fading away towards the top. Unconsciously, my fingers rose to graze the fabric, taking in the texture of the flowers with their beadings that stood out amongst the tulle.

“My lady, do you like the fabric? It is more elaborate; we don’t usually use it for day dresses,” she explained.

“No, it’s fine, I was just looking.” It would be ridiculous to have any plain day dresses made from that fabric and it looked too expensive to just simply waste for that.

“I’m finished for today. Since we spent enough time gathering your measurements, the styles you prefer, and the fabrics, as the pieces finish, they will be sent to the palace.” She bowed and began to pack her sketches and fabrics.

“Thank you,” I said quietly.

“It was my pleasure.”

I felt like all I had to offer lately and especially at Hemera were thank you’s. I didn’t have anything besides what Jimin had provided me with as his guest.

That night Jimin had asked if I would dine with him alone or choose to dine in my chambers by myself as it was not usual for his entire court to dine together each evening. I agreed to dine with him since I was not fond of being alone during a meal. It would only remind me of my missing family and of the meals I had at Erebus.

I was surprised that he didn’t choose to dine at a grand table for dinner, but a private dining room.

“Do you dine by yourself here?”

He nodded with a half-smile. “It’s more comforting than a grand table by myself since I do not have family or others to dine with.”

The dinner was in fact as simple as the act of a king dining alone privately. It was not the large display Taehyung had at his dinner with guests rather something like sliced honey bread served on a plate along with vegetables and veal.

I was given a goblet of wine along with the meal.

“Do you have any intentions of courting anyone?” I was unsure of the appropriateness of my question, but I had already asked before I could rethink myself.

Jimin didn’t seem bothered thankfully and answered with genuineness. “When you are a ruler of a kingdom, it is hard to seek the true intentions of those who are around you. When you are busy reading their intentions, it becomes hard to make space in your heart for love.”

I nodded, half understanding what he had said. I can feel sympathy, but I was not a ruler and could not empathize with him. I did feel bad for the lonely position he had been dealt with.

“If I intend on finding a queen, I will want my marriage to be out of love, not out of an alliance.” The corners of his lips turned as he gave a self-deprecating chuckle, “Although, that is quite hard.”

We had such genuine conversations when we spoke and I much favored them to the conversations I had with Taehyung. He knew how to carry them well and most importantly, in these conversations, I felt like I was speaking to a friend who knew me well rather than a king who had the power to have me gone within seconds.

Soon, I felt a wave of fatigue cross me. We had long finished dinner but had spent a while talking about anything and everything that stemmed from our conversation. Jimin was speaking of a time when he was a young boy, centuries ago, when the kingdom was still one.

I did not know how our conversation had drifted there, but I was glad to hear of stories of a happy childhood.

Unfortunately, my fatigue was strong and I was not able to hear all the words; they were muddling together and my eyelids threatened to shut from heavyweights.

“Are you alright, y/n?” From my tired eyes, I could see the concern in his eyes.

“I just feel a bit tired, maybe since it is late. Perhaps, our conversation may continue another time?” My voice was dragged on, tongue barely curling enough to form proper words.

“Yes, you should return to your chambers and rest.”

I don’t know how, but it was black the moment I had hit my bed. Was I that tired?

I woke up to the beautiful daylight of Hemera, but a sour feeling on my tongue. My tongue felt like I had spoken words of betrayal; it tasted bitter, yet I had not eaten anything yet.

My mind fluttered back to last night’s conversation. I had spoken on Taehyung briefly, but it was nothing incriminating. I still felt like I had said something I was not supposed to.

Was I too drunk from a single glass of wine and let my mouth run?

I shook my head at the thought. I didn’t own a single detail in which I could betray him in any way. He had his own secrets that he had made sure to keep from me.

When a knock came to my door, I realized it was probably Isobel and my suspicions were confirmed when she peeped her head in.

“Good morning, your highness,” she bowed briefly at the door. “I hope you are well-rested. His Majesty had asked if you are rested enough to see more of the capital.”

It seemed that he had noted my fatigue last night but this morning, I was more than well-rested. I was hungry to explore more of the city.

“Of course.”

Although the seasons were still winter, it was like a completely different scene at Hemera. It was one thing I had failed to really take in until my second day at Hemera. With winter bleeding into the spring that was soon to arrive, the bitter cold was not there to bite, but rather a slightly chilly breeze one might experience during autumn. At the same time, I knew Erebus was much colder than here.

Interestingly, Jimin has dressed in extremely casual clothing, far from the embroidered tunic and jackets he wore. Instead, he adorned a simple white shirt and black trousers, neither with any decoration. The shirt wore loose on him and was tucked into the trousers.

My dress was along the lines of his clothing as well. The long dress was a plain off white with bell sleeve; the only decoration being the belt that tied at my waist. I wasn’t sure where this dress appeared from because it was not from my own clothes.

“How is it so warm? In Erebus, the weather was freezing the day we left.” We walked along a street which Jimin had claimed to be their famous street of crafts and many visitors of the kingdom came seeking a craft from this street whether it be clothing, art, or pottery.

“We’re much farther south. Our winter seasons are not as extreme. It’s great for the most part, but I miss the snow sometimes.”

Just as he finished speaking, we were steered around a corner. I spotted the bookstore and Jimin must have noticed my line of sight changing because his hand grasped mine as he pulled me towards it.

“I used to hate reading, but came to love it once I came to Erebus.”

“There’s a library at the palace since you like to read,” Jimin noted.

With a failed attempt at refusing, we were walking out of the bookstore, me an edition of “Through the Looking-Glass” in hand.

“If you had it in your library, I could just read it from there.” I couldn’t help the pout in my voice.

“I don’t, I swear! That’s why I bought it, I want it in my library,” He raised his hands in surrender.

“Thank you anyway,” my lips returned to a grateful smile.

“Anyway,” he drew out and I steered my focus to him, “what do you think about another ball?”

“Are you asking for my opinion for an event for your kingdom, Your Majesty?”

“Well, I’d like to know since it would be a ball in your honor,” he responded, hands tucking into his pockets.

“Why for my honor?” My brows furrowed in confusion.

“For one, you weren’t enjoying the ball at Erebus so I’d like for you to experience a different one. One here. Also, you’re my guest. My brother hosted a ball in my honor so I want to return the favor while you’re here,” he explained.

“You don’t need to,” I waved my hand. “It would be a lot of work and you’re already doing more than enough just showing me the capitol.”

“How about it would be my honor to host a ball?” He suggested, an eyebrow-raising to jokingly challenge me.

“Well, I don’t have a dress,” I responded.

“I’ll handle that,” a smirk curving on his lips because he knew he got me wrapped in his plans. “I guess it’s settled,” he clapped once in satisfaction, “a week from today, we’ll have a ball!”

I could only shake my head with a smile rising to my lips.

“Do you have anything, in particular, you’d like to see? To be honest, I ran out of ideas,” Jimin asked the next day over breakfast.

The spoon in my hand swirled the tea and then I remembered, “I believe I was owed a tour of the palace library.”

“Said who?” He brought a cup of coffee to his mouth with a teasing smile.

“Says you, Your Majesty.” No amount of holdings I had was able to stop the tease in my tone when I mentioned his title just to get a laugh.

So, I was left in awe as Jimin led me through the double doors revealing behind it the library. The walls were lined with shelves of books nearly two stories high which were only accessible with a ladder than ran along the walls.

“Wow,” my mouth left hanging agape.

After a few moments, Jimin was beside me and in his hand was the copy of “Through the Looking Glass” that he had bought yesterday.

“So, what made you like reading when you went to Erebus?”

I shrugged. “I didn’t realize that reading could take you away from reality.”

“Reality?”

“I guess the marriage wasn’t really what I had planned,” I revealed. In my mind, I was weighing whether or not to reveal more, to reveal why I was really at Erebus and what had taken place at my village.

“And reading took you away from that?”

I nodded. “Jimin, what do you think about the village between your two kingdoms?”

Why did I just ask that?

Taehyung’s voice rang in my head. A task that required me to look for mere humans of a defenseless village…

It would be better to see Jimin’s view beforehand right?

“It’s a shame that they have to be caught between all of this,” he said. “Why do you ask all of a sudden?”

I paused for a moment, attempting to wind up an excuse because clearly, his answer was not enough to compel me to give my true reason. “The festival happened recently; I was just wondering since it was on my mind,” my voice trailed off and I prayed that it was a good enough excuse.

Jimin seemed to have bought it as he nodded his head in response. “Yeah, a few months ago. I wish I was able to help the village with poverty, but the village is neutral land between our kingdoms. I can’t do anything.”

His hands secured behind his back as his gaze grazed passed shelves as if in deep thought with himself as he spoke.

I felt myself believing what he was saying. He had no reason to be telling me this if he hadn’t meant it.

Changing the subject, he asked, “Dinner tonight?” A faint smile on his lips.

“Of course.”

I found myself growing increasingly tired as nightfall came for days to come. Whenever I was at dinner right past nightfall, I would feel the heaviness on my eyelids and my mind beginning to grow lazy and losing attention easily.

Jimin noticed himself.

“Are you okay? You seem to easily tire recently. I’m going to send for a palace healer tomorrow.” Concern laced his voice and was present in his eyes. A frown took hold of his lips as he reached out a hand to grasp my arm gently.

“I’m not sure. I just feel like I have no energy to stay awake past certain times.” It was hard to muster the energy to even speak my words.

Jimin stood from his chair and wrapped an arm around my waist, helping me from my chair. “Here, I’ll walk you back to your bedroom.”

I only mustered the strength to nod. “Thank you,” my words came out in breaths.

Just like the past few nights, I entered the arms of sleep the moment I was in my bed. The last thing in my sight before my eyes shut was the worried frown on Jimin’s face.

As Jimin had stated the night before, a palace healer arrived in the morning following a concerned Jimin. The anxious king seemingly couldn’t stay still as the healer took my pulse. I felt perfectly fine when I woke up, but when night fell, especially after dinner, my energy disappeared into thin air.

I was sitting in bed having a healer examine me as if I was truly unwell with something.

“Her pulse is not weak, Your Majesty. There is no sign of illness.”

“Then why does she have such a lack of energy?” Jimin sounded annoyed at the lack of a diagnosis.

“I’m sorry, I am not able to tell if it is a condition I have not heard of before,” the healer bowed apologetically. Honestly, Jimin looked like he was ready to bring about punishment and I understood why the healer was frightened by his demeanor.

“It’s fine. I may not be resting enough,” I added to try and smooth over the healer’s lack of diagnosis and calm the irritated king.

“You’re dismissed,” Jimin waved a dismissive hand towards the healer.

The healer took another bow before leaving.

“It might be my fault,” I mustered a smile towards the displeased king.

“I’m going to send for herbal teas or something. It isn’t right my guest is feeling unwell in my palace,” he took my hand, letting his thumb gently sweep across the back of it.

“Thank you.” I was grateful he was placing so much care in a subject that was not as important. “Needn’t worry yourself over such an insignificant thing. It could be anything really, like getting used to the change in seasons so suddenly,” I suggested.

It really didn’t concern me as much as it seemed to concern Jimin.

“It’s just not settling that this is while you’re in my care. I couldn’t possibly return you in this state back to your home.”

Right, home. It was a reminder that I was technically still visiting this kingdom.

Taehyung wouldn’t care if I was on my death bed anyway.

“I assure you, the fatigue is gone by morning when I awake.” I offered a gentle smile.

Jimin sighed. “It could be the beginning of something more serious. At least drink the tea I send for later.”

I had no choice but to oblige to his request because God knew that he would just continue down the path of concern.

I had not seen much of Jimin for the next few days except when we met for dinner in which he would appear in the library where I was nose deep in another book or in my room, hands tucked behind his back and a smile on his face as he invited me to dinner.

Isobel didn’t ask in his place anymore.

The fatigue was not as frequent, only occurring sometimes and not every night as before. It settled Jimin’s worries.

Tonight was the night of the ball. Just as I had experienced at Erebus, the palace was in complete chaos. Even though I was the only guest from outside of the kingdom here, it seemed the decoration was just as elaborate.

“Your highness, I have your dress for the ball,” Isobel arrived in my bedroom with a white box in hand. She placed it down onto the coffee table and I rose from the bed to open it.

When I lifted the lid from the box, it revealed the familiar fabric with gray tulle and embroidered pale pink flowers.

My mouth went agape as my fingers glided across the fabric, through different flowers. Awe ran through me for a few seconds, how was this possible? How could Jimin possibly have the dress made?

“How could he have…,” I whispered to myself.

“His Majesty had ordered it from the seamstress that had come earlier this week,” Isobel responded.

I grasped the dress and pulled it from the box. It revealed a ballgown, full in the skirt as the flowers gathered at the bottom and dispersed as it reached the waistline. The dress had straps falling from the shoulder and the top focused on the flowers as well.

“It’s beautiful.” My eyes struggled to remove themselves from tracing through the dress over and over again.

“The ball will be in a few hours, do you want to begin preparing?”

I nodded, feeling eager to try on the beautiful gown.

Just like that, I was thrown into a flurry of activities beginning with bathing and ending with the dress being laced by Isobel and jewels being placed on me. Half of my hair was braided and wrapped around the crown of my head while the rest flowed down my back.

A knock came from the door.

“Come in.” I folded my hands together in front of me and waited. I knew it was Jimin who was behind the door.

The door opened to reveal a royal king, dressed like a true king, and standing like a true king. Jimin strode in, a smile gracing his lips. He wore an ivory suit jacket, the collar, and cuffs laced with gold trimming. Just beneath peeped a white dress shirt. Above his brow was a grand crown I had not seen much of.

I had not realized the gold crown had a jeweled sun in the center, but it only stood to represent the power he embodied.

Even a humble king didn’t miss the chance to dress for the occasion as rings adorned his fingers and a single earring hung from his ear.

“Beautiful,” Jimin spoke as he approached me.

The single word drew me from my thoughts and warmth to make its way to my cheeks as I bowed. “Thank you.”

“Shall we?”

He extended an arm for me as I took hold of it.

I didn’t know if I met Jimin’s standard of regalness, but he didn’t stop when we entered the ballroom allowing all eyes to fall upon us.

The similar feeling of self-consciousness fell onto me. I was definitely not the same flawlessness as them, but walking in with Jimin gave me a feeling of comfort.

People bowed and addressed their king as we walked by.

I wasn’t aware I gave away my thoughts until Jimin tipped his head over and whispered, “you look magnificent, don’t let any looks take that from you.”

Again, my cheeks felt warm and I ducked my head out of habit. I didn’t want to reveal the blush on my face. “Thank you, Jimin,” I replied, grateful.

His words kept some of the insecurity at bay.

“I think you’ll find our balls enjoyable,” he commented as he reached for two flutes of bubbling wine and handed me one.

“I’m already enjoying this much more,” I revealed.

“Then I’ve partially completed my mission tonight.” He took a sip from the flute, a satisfied smile on his lips.

My brows furrowed. “What mission?”

“Well, first, make sure you attend a ball and actually have fun,” he began. “Then, a waltz in much better music.”

He had remembered my note about the music from Erebus’s ball.

I felt a strike of courage as I asked, “then the waltz?”

“Would you do me the honor then?” Jimin picked up on my question as he plucked the flute from my hand and placed both glasses down before extending a hand to me with a curt bow.

“Of course, we’ve got to complete your mission right?” I took his hand as he led me towards the center of the ballroom.

As though the orchestra had known, another song had begun to play. Jimin was right, the music was better.

I realized I was not as terrible as when I had first danced in Erebus. Even though it was only the second or third time, my footing had gotten better.

We took a few steps before I remembered.

“How did you have this dress prepared?” He couldn’t have known about the fabric.

“The seamstress mentioned the fabric from when she came to take your measurements and I thought you’d like it for the dress,” he said, a clear smile due to how well received his choice was.

“I love it.”

With that, Jimin released a hand to spin me from him and pulled me back to him which caused me to release a laugh.

“I’m glad you did,” and this time, we were closer than before, his voice next to my ear. “Who knows how upset I would be if you didn’t,” he joked.

It felt more intimate, more intimate than we had ever been. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy this closeness and feared my heart was starting to fall for Jimin. Yet, I had to remind myself that publicly I was betrothed to Taehyung and had yet to dispel that.

Before I had a chance to distance myself to stand as an upcoming monarch of a different kingdom, Jimin moved first. It was clear there was displeasure on his features, a slight frown was on his lips and his eyes flitted around the room.

“I want to show you something.”

I allowed his hand to slip into mine and tug me from the ball. He led me down a hallway and into a room.

“Where are we?”

“Somewhere that isn’t the ballroom.”

“Why?”

“To be honest, I apologize for the way my people may have been treating you.”

I knew what he was talking about yet my brows furrowed in confusion. “What made you say that?”

“In the ballroom—,” he started. He didn’t have to finish.

“They were watching us dance,” I finished for him. “It’s alright, I understand I’m the outsider here.” I kept my tone casual because I had faced more discrimination at Erebus than simply people giving me strange looks.

“It was still discourteous,” he interjected.

“No, it’s fine. I mean it.” I gave a small smile. “I promise.”

“I’ll try to keep the impoliteness at bay.”

“So I assume that there wasn’t really something for you to show me,” I gestured to the room we were in. It was another empty bedroom in the palace.

“Actually,” he drew out.

I realized our hands were still intertwined as his thumb gently ran across the back of mine. He pulled me towards a pair of glass doors. This was something new that I had not noticed before.

“I intended to apologize, but this room also has a balcony with an amazing view,” he said cheekily.

“I’m jealous Jimin, I was not given a balcony in my room,” I teased him.

Leaning against the rails of the balcony, silence settled. We could only hear the gentle howling of the wind and the rest of the capital with all its lights in the distance.

“How about dancing here without prying eyes and impolite frowns?” Jimin suggested.

“In the silence?” I gave him a strange look although there was no refusal in my tone.

“The better.” He extended a hand which in a split second, I placed my hand into. His other hand fell below my shoulder which allowed my arm to rest upon as my hand landed on his shoulder.

In the silence, we waltzed. The only sound came from our shoes shuffling as we moved.

“You were right,” I said with an amused smile.

“I’m full of good ideas.” His mouth curved.

We paused in the dance and my heart began to race. With the moonlight cascading over the side of his face, I was able to finally see the king before me. It was different from whenever I had seen it before.

I noticed the way his eyes were twinkling in the moonlight and how they shaped with the smile he wore. I liked that smile a lot.

His eyes found purchase on my lips and I couldn’t help but mirror his actions, allowing my eyes to fall to his. The intention was there.

He leaned in then his soft lips were on mine. It was not a long kiss, rather a short one filled with enough emotion. It was clear where the intention of the kiss had come from. I kissed back to my own surprise and allowed myself to lean into his body with my hands finding their way to behind his neck.

He returned by circling his arms on my waist, pulling me flush against him. For the first time, I felt my flutters inside my chest and that warm feeling that made me want to seek more. For the first time in a while, I had felt safe and I felt safe in Jimin’s arms.

We were both surprised when we separated. I assumed my pupils matched his, dilated. I don’t know if the sudden kiss opened a door of trust for me, but I was compelled to tell him. “Jimin, I have something to tell you.”

His eyes encouraged me to continue and I was about to, mouth opening to tell him about my family and village who was taken away until there was a knock on the door that pulled the opportunity right from beneath my feet.

We escaped from each other’s arms and distanced ourselves. “Come in.” Jimin brought his authoritative tone back.

I’m sure my eyes grew wide and my heart plunged into my stomach when a familiar face appeared in a whirlwind of white.

It was a man that resembled the guard in my dreams of my village in the dungeon. The same nasty scar was beside his right eye.

I shook my head slightly. No, it was just someone who looked like him. He was a soldier, of course, he had battle scars.

My dreams were definitely not real.

A more unsettling feeling came when my curiosity surfaced. Was it possible?

I was nauseous immediately at the consideration. I had to be mistaken. My dreams are not real. They cannot be.

Why did this person resemble someone from my dream? I swallowed and began to reason my thoughts. This was a possibility, someone in my dream could look similar to others in reality.

My eyes were on the upper arm of the man’s armor searching for his crest. The fear settled. It was not the same crest from my dream. No bleeding moon. It was rather a sun with crossed swords below it. It certainly had to be the royal guard’s crest.

The guard eyed me strangely before clearing his throat.

“Pardon me, Your Majesty, it is time to discuss the guests from the continent and their stay.”

“Yes, I will meet you in the cabinet room in a moment. You’re dismissed.”

After the guard left, Jimin turned his attention from the door. “I’ll see you later?”

I had been too distracted by the thoughts of the guard to fully regard the nervousness in his tone and nodded.

I barely noticed him leaving the room.

Even though the chances were small, I couldn’t settle the thoughts that urged me to consider the possibility that this was someone from my dreams. And if he had been real, were my dreams real?

I shook my head at the thought.

Foolish, they were foolish. There was nothing besides a simple resemblance to someone from my dreams to point me towards the insane idea that my dreams were entirely real.

a/n

lowkey a little bit of filler and i hate some parts i wrote, but i really wanted more development with jimin’s character and y/n & his relationship which is how this chapter came to be, hope you enjoy reading it though! :)

[also really sorry to say this but i kinda dug myself into a whole of writer’s block for this series and might (potentially but not sure yet depending on the outlook of the next two weeks) put this series on hiatus or have the next chapter be posted in longer than the two weeks marks between chapters :( it’s just been tough to write the next chapter because i’m not really sure how i want to write it and i love this series too much (and it needs the justice) to just force myself to write it and have it written terribly. i really hope it doesn’t happen though]

yours truly, Selene ♡

[defdaily]

[TRANSLATION] DAZED KOREA Magazine November 2017 issue x GOT7

Translated by daisyyfields

Before I came to meet GOT7, I listened to the new album <7for 7> a few times. How about just getting rid of all the boring and conventional questions and talk about music? Seems like you guys would have a lot to say.

BB: That's good. Since we debuted we wanted to sing songs made by us individually. So everyone constantly made songs along the way but it's true that it is insufficient. But this time aside from us being satisfied, our company was satisfied as well. Personally it was an album that l'm highly satisfied with. It feels like (my) dreams came true, I'm proud and it's lovely.

JB: Although the songs that I made have made it into the album before, it's the first time we are using my song as the title song and promoting with it. It's very meaningful. Including myself, all of the members paid a lot of attention to it

JS: I think it's an album that plainly includes the worries we have as people in our 20s. We wanted to express our thankful hearts with the title song You Are' "it's so nice because you are here'.

Seems like the one album completed by the 7 songs that the GOT7 7 members' participated in has various meanings. Words like "independence'', ”self-reliance”, ”freedom'' and ”responsibility'' come to mind.

BB: I think at our age we always have thoughts about independence and self-reliance. (We) think of the time in the future when we can't do this job anymore. (I) work hard not only on music, but also on making videos and on areas related to languages. Opportunities come to those who are prepared isn't it (laughs).

JB: While preparing for this album, the pressure and responsibility was huge. It was to the extent that it's hard to express with words. When the song I made was decided as the title song the feeling reached its maximum and because of the pressure, I paid more attention and worked harder to prepare for it.

YJ: Though it is an album that reflected a lot of our opinions and thoughts, the big picture and tuning that completed it were done together with the company. Rather than feeling burdened, because we were able to do something we wanted to, it was a happy experience. I've got a lot of affection for this album.

JY: I’m not sure that if I say I didn't feel burdened, if it would sound like I have no sense of responsibility. But rather than feeling burdened, I felt more anticipation and excitement. It felt great because having a GOT7 member made song as a title song meant that we got recognition from the company and the public.

Is it an album that had no regrets and reflected everything you guys wanted to do?

JB: As a member of GOT7, what I wanted to do and what I could do, I did everything. Of course as a whole individual I was lacking and I felt regretful. But that's something that can't be helped.

If I listen to a song made by JB now, I think I'll know. There's a unique refreshing feel to it.

JB: That is true for songs made by "GOT7 JB'. But I personally prefer something darker than that and sticky. Of course both sides are in me.

Remember You' that BamBam participated in is just like BamBam. It has a strong sophisticated feel to it.

BB: My image is originally bright and lively but this song is slow and serious. The fans also thought that it was a twist. The song is about an anxious love.

Do you still like Saint Laurent recently?

BB: Hedi Slimane left (laughs). But I still like it. As presents, I received a lot of clothes from Saint Laurent on my birthday and Christmas. In my closet, I have the most Saint Laurent clothing. I like those slim styles. But l'm not sure if I have gotten lazy recently (laughs). I started liking clothes that are just comfortable. Things like baggy pants and slippers.

After learning about the melody and lyrics from the song "Firework'' that Jinyoung-ie participated in, I thought that you maybe are a dreamer.

JY: The lyries compare fireworks blowing up and the path that we are walking on. It's a song with a positive meaning that If we silently work hard, someday we'll shine'. I think of myself as a dreamer but I don't know how those around me think.

I saw you taking out a book in the fitting room just now, what book are you reading recently?

JY: I read a book called <Doll of eternal youth> I'm done reading it and I'm looking for a new book to read. ("Note this is a direct translation, the book does not have an English name.)

Your habit of reading books must influence you in some way when you are writing your lyrics.

JY: I don't think ľ'm influenced by any direct material or expressions. Though there are probably instances whereby the books that I read get reflected in the music as I'm working on it.

The song To Me that Yugyeom participated in is heard precisely like a song of someone who dances. A variety of beats and rhythm stacking up and splitting

YG: I wanted to try something new as much as possible. I used beats and a melody that aren't really used by mainstream music in Korea. It's so foreign so I thought it wouldn't be included in the album but the reaction was unexpectedly good.

Jackson, Mark and BamBam wrote Korean lyrics. They might be proficient at the Korean language, but speaking it and writing it are different things.

JS: That's right, It's not easy. For me, I don't really read books (laughs). I find and look at a lot of the lyrics from other singers.

M: There's something I would like to express but because l'm still poor at Korean so I can't express everything like my heart daes. Though it's a pity, I'm satisfied. I think that it's right to not be greedy and just express what I can right now. I can just work harder on the next album.

BB: Speech and writing is definitely different. If you write lyrics just like you are speaking, at some point it could become childish so i'm careful about that part. I listened to opinions of others nonstop while I worked (on the songs).

What about the other members? A person who writes has principles that they stick with like OCD.

JB: I try not to use repeated expressions. While working on many songs, there are times where the content of the lyrics or expressions become similar. I don't like using this expression in this song and then in another song again. All this time I liked simple and relaxed expressions but now I'm ambitious about metaphorical or poetic expressions

YJ: It's really hard to write lyrics. With the same lyrics, depending on the person or depending on the melody, it can be heard totally differently. Controlling that strength is always homework to me but first I'd have a go at it. Whether it's cringeworthy or not, I note down everything I think of and look at it.

Personally I like Youngjae's straight and clean vocals. "Moon U' goes really well with that voice.

YJ: Fan meeting "We under the moonlight, I've done it before with that as a subject. It's a song that I want to sing to the fans. I thought that all the members are like that too, but I [ended up) making my song such that I can sing it on my own from the start to the end. And because of that, naturally I made a song that matches my standard and my voice.

What do you think of your own voice?

YJ: I have never thought that my voice is pretty. So stifling (laughs). Not satisfied. Because I'm not happy with it, here are many tümes that I get annoyed.

Today I got a shock after seeing Jackson. I expected to see the image that that appeared on variety programs but you are very much serious and manly.

JS: It's interesting to appear on variety programs and I like it. But l'm not glad that only the bright and lively appearance revealed in variety remains with the public. Of course that is also the real me but I also do have lots of serious sides. Music or acting, now I wish to show that side of me.

How was an interview like today? Is it not fun because it's too serious?

GOT7: No, we liked it. Because it's not like a magazine interview so it's impressive.

JB: Of course an interview that just talks comfortably is great too but when talking about music, doing it seriously is good. For me, even though I know that l'm an idol, there were many times that I deny it on my own. It's some sort of rebellion. I think I disliked the fixed image about idols. Now I want to have both the image of a musician and an idol.

Not now but after some time passes, how would the 7 of you from GOT7 remember this album «7 for 7>?

BB: While preparing for this album, it felt like we were debuting again. To that extent it was an album that was meaningful and even as time passes I think it's an album that I will treasure preciously. Originally, the first attempt will be remembered for a long time.

JB: It'll be great if after time passes, the fans listen to this album and still think that the songs are good. Personally if I listen to it after a few years, I will see the inadequate parts. Aside from the question of whether (l'm} satisfied or not, I think that I would feel that it's a pity and like I should have done more.

M: GOT7 past songs are cool on the stage but they were not songs that could be listened to comfortably normally. But this album can be listened to in everyday life with earphones. It's good for listening while on a drive too. Personally l'm never tired of it and will probably listen to it occasionally. It's an album that I'm satisfied with.

YJ: That's right. It's the first time l'm listening to our song so many times. I'm not tired of it. I hope that it's like that for others too. A sang that's easy to listen to and (you) won't be tired of.

YG: I think I will remember it as an album with various meanings. Because for the first time with our participation, an album was made. All 7 songs aren't uncomfortable to listen to and even I keep going to them.

BB: It has not been long since we've made our comeback so we're very busy. It's hectic and tiring. So it still doesn't feel real yet, (my) condition was very good when we were working on the songs that were included in this album. Met many friends too and there were many enjoyable things. I think I'll remember those emotions back then.

JS: I think of it as GOT7 7 members' "first album. I think many memories will remain. As we grow older, I think l'l feel proud ift listen to You Are again.

JY: Second start. Another growth for GOT7.

Out of the 7 songs in <7 for 7>, there was a song 1 heard repeatedly last night. Apart from (your) shares (in the songs). don't trouble over it and quickly voice out the song that you personally treasure.

YG: ”Teenager”

YJ: "You Are”

M: Not one but two songs. "You Are”. ”Firework”

JS: “Firework”. But if you listen to it repeatedly, no matter what song is it, wouldn't you get annoyed? (laughs)

JY: "Remember you”.

JB: "Moon U” and "To Me.” What's the song you listened to repeatedly? (laughs)

Translated by daisyyfields

[sunsetsover]

Hey! Im very excited about Bens new storyline. I know a little bit about the deaf community but not nearly enough and I would love to learn more through this storyline. Im just worried that in my excitement I might say something stupid or disrespectful due to my lack of knowlegde. Ive seen you post about that so I was wondering if you could tell me what to look out for and especially some tips on how to learn and understand more. Thank you in advance!❤ I really hope they do the storyline justice

hey!! first of all let me say that i realize that maybe i was a bit TOO defensive the other day so i don’t want you (or anybody else) to think that if anybody fucks up and says something a little off i’m going to completely bite their heads off lmao (although that said i do still stand by everything i’ve said)

also i’ve gotta be honest idk much abt the deaf/hoh community either! i’ve got to learn too!! so if you’re looking for information in that sense i’m unfortunately not the person to come too :-(

however i DO know what it’s like to be disabled and specifically what it’s like to have a disability that affects amd changes your whole life and limits what you can do both now and in the future. i won’t go into details but my disability affects my left leg, which ofc affects my mobility. thankfully i can still walk, but there is no cure or treatment for what i have. there was also nothing that triggered it - no accident or person to blame, it just Happened - and so it was a case of my life seeming normal and then one day it hits you that your life is completely different from everyone else’s and that it’s never gonna be the same, which i imagine may be similar to what ben is going to be going through (whether it’s temporary or not, if he doesn’t KNOW it’s temporary something like that is completely life shattering).

anyways now i’ve realized you Did Not Ask let me get actually answer your questions

literally the most important thing u can do is just listen to disabled people and don’t talk over them!!! this is the case with literally any kind of thing you don’t know abt/experience urself, u know? the way you would listen to and learn from a poc talking abt their unique experiences as a poc, or a muslim talking abt their unique experiences as a muslim etc etc, listen to and learn from disabled (specifically deaf/hoh people, in terms of ben’s sl at least) when they speak!! if they tell u something u said is wrong or a little off, don’t get defensive. just do ur best to listen and learn!!

don’t feel too bad if u do fuck up lmao we all fuck up we’re all learning we’re all trying to be better you can’t possibly know everything, u know?

specifically in terms of ben’s sl, just don’t reduce it down to ‘omg think of the ballum content’. like it’s ok to enjoy the sweet moments this sl might give us obviously lmao but don’t forget that it’s bigger than that, both to ben as a character and in terms of deaf representation !! like !!! a disabled lgbt character!!! that’s a big deal!!!

basically just don’t reduce ben’s suffering to angst porn, u know? bc what u gotta remember is that yeah ok ben isn’t real but he IS a representation of what people have been through and are going through. i’m not deaf or hoh so i won’t be able to relate to that part of it either, but i do know what it’s like to have your life drastically altered bc of a disability and how hard it is to cope with that and accept the way that your life has changed like it’s hard and u get angry and upset and push people away and go into denial and breakdown and think you’re dealing with it only to breakdown again and if ee DO do a good job of it (which judging from last night’s ep i’m hopeful abt!) then they’ll show at least some of that, so just try not to reduce that very real pain and struggle that people experience to ‘omg but callum’s gonna look after him tho’ you know what i mean??

this might be one that’s just a personal opinion tbh but like... just try not to enjoy ben’s suffering too much??? like i know some ppl really revel in angst n i get that but at the end of the day this is a bit TOO real to be like ‘omg i love it when breaks down’ ygm?? like ofc i’m not saying don’t enjoy the storyline for what it is but i know as someone who has been thru very similar suffering i KNOW it’s gonna rub me up the wrong way if i see people ENJOYING seeing ben upset or suffering. idk i feel like im not articulating this very well but i think it goes back into the whole angst porn thing like it’s one thing to like and enjoy the storyline and another to enjoy seeing ben suffering, does that make sense??? like just don’t let what ben will be going thru become angst porn basically

remember that all disabled ppl are different and things that upset/offend me might not upset/offend other ppl and vice versa

also i’m not deaf or hoh so they might have a different opinion on stuff and if so you should always listen to what they say over what i say bc obviously they’ll always know better

try not to worry too much, i’d say that as long as you’re not viewing this sl solely through the lens of ballum or being outright offensive or derogatory towards the sl or ben’s disability bc it’s not what you want or it might affect ben/callum’s relationship then u should be alright?? but the fact that you even took the time to send me this message and ask what to look out for tells me that you’re clearly a conscientious person who’s heart is in the right place which is the most important part so!!! i wouldn’t be too worried if i was u!!

plus my ask is always open if u have any questions!! obviously i can’t answer anything in terms of deafness specifically, but if u have any questions abt disability in a broader sense i’d be happy to answer them for you 💖💖💖

[bi-and-happy]

i dare u to answer all the questions on the pride ask game ☺️☺️

Oh boy, here we go!

1. I am bisexual and I use she/her pronouns

2. I first realised I like girls when I was about ten years old, when I started secondary school. Because I also liked boys, I did some classic Repression^TM and convinced myself I was straight, which included a lot of internal homophobia, biphobia and bi erasure. It wasn’t until my second year of uni when I had my first boyfriend that I realised I was never going to have a good and healthy relationship with anyone, let along myself, if I didn’t come to terms with my sexuality and eventually come out

3. I am cisgender and I don’t look particularly androgynous so I have never been misgendered (except one time by a very embarrassed pizza delivery man)

4. The first person I told was my ex-boyfriend (see answer 2!) We had actually been broken up for about 8 months by that point but we were still friends at the time and he’s pansexual, so I knew he’d understand. He was annoyingly nonchalant about it and immediately made inappropriate comments but that actually worked out because we were in an airport so I couldn’t really have an emotional breakdown!

5. When I first came out (and then when I came out to my parents six months later) it was like I’d spent all this time and effort trying to hide this side of myself, and the effort of hiding just got too much. When I told my best friend (who’s a lesbian) it was super chill - I didn’t want it to be a massive deal so I found a time to slip it in, she was very excited that I’d finally told her (she’d known for about two years longer than I did!) and we immediately started talking about all the girls we had crushes on

6. I’ve kind of brushed on some people, but there were two main reactions: “That does not surprise me, I’ve suspected/known for a while” and “Wait? You like men?! I thought you were gay?” The only person who was surprised was my mum. She was very very quiet for a long time (although she gave me a hug so I knew she wasn’t mad) and let my dad do the talking (she did have some not-so-great things to say but it was nothing I hadn’t heard her say before so I had answers prepared). The next day, we had another chat, and she was a bit more positive then. It’s also worth mentioning that this is an ongoing process. I came out to them two and a half years ago now, and we’re still working some things out but we’re in the right direction!

7. Honestly this doesn’t come up very much, mostly because the vast majority of my friends are also bi, and I study performing arts so everyone’s at least a little bit queer. The question I get asked more often is how I can be an openly LGBT+ Christian (which is a whole other conversation which I would be happy to have if anyone is interested!)

8. Flannel. So much flannel. Also birkenstocks in the summer and combat boots (with rainbow laces) in the winter. I sometimes wear dresses (especially in autumn), and I do like pretty dresses/ballgowns when the occasion calls for it (which again, performing arts - sometimes I feel like I live in concert dresses). But my everyday look is fairly semi-butch. I’m working on my top butch energy

9. WHERE TO START. Okay, Jack/Bitty from Check Please; Jack/Ianto from Torchwood; Patsy/Delia from Call the Midwife; Callie/Aaron from the Fosters; Merlin/Arthur from Merlin; Lena/Kara from Supergirl; and my guilty pleasure, Harry/Cedric from Harry Potter (don’t judge me!!)

10. I very rarely leave the house without eyeliner and mascara on, but I rarely wear anything else unless it’s a special occasion. I’m generally of the opinion that if I can start the day with some killer eyeliner wings, you can make that day your bitch

11. Nope! Never experienced dysphoria

12. This isn’t the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard, but it is stupid because it was said by a gay men. “All these kids these days, in their LGBTQWXYZ community... [goes on to deliberately misgender people]”. Again, I have lots of thoughts on the dynamics of this which I will not unpack unless someone asks me to.

13. My friends!! I only have about two straight friends. I love all my friends, and I love my queer friends, and I love how we’re always there for each other and we always support each other. Even if everyone needs to stop dating within the friendship group.

14. See answer 12! The politics about different identities really annoy me. Non-binary people exist! Ace and aro people are part of the LGBT+ community! Bi and pan are different but overlapping identities and neither is better or worse than the other! So much infighting! Bi girls will not leave lesbians for a man! So much infighting.

15. I have never been and I’m out of town this year as well and I’m absolutely heartbroken!! I usually spend my summers working on various week-long projects around the country, and they always manage to bugger up any pride plans I had!

16. Ooooh absolute favourite? Probably Stephanie Beatriz. Followed by Kristen Stewart. And Tom Daley.

17. I had a boyfriend for a short time in my second year, we met at uni. Otherwise, I’ve been a single pringle!

18. I HAVE SO MANY. Absolute, complete, 100% favourite? The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller. YOU ALL HAVE TO READ THIS OH MY GOODNESS. 

19. I’ve experienced more discrimination as a woman than as a member of the LGBT+ community! That being said, I was bullied in years 7-9 which included lots of calling me a lesbian, because children aren’t creative in their bullying and this was 2006. That definitely taught me to be ashamed of my feelings for girls.

20. Pride!! I love that film. Also Torchwood!

21. I’ll admit I don’t follow that many LGBT+ bloggers/vloggers... sorry!!

22. Queer!!! (And whether or not it should be defined primarily as a slur is also up for debate; again, I’ll expand if anyone wants me to.)

23. Yes yes yes! I have been to a grand total of three gay bars and loved all of them. Especially that last one. Because that was the one where I got drunk and snogged a girl which was great.

24. I’m a cisgender woman, and most of my thoughts about my gender link with my reading into feminist reading and my constant striving to become a better intersectional feminist!

25. I like the thought of having children. I do not like the idea of being pregnant and giving birth. For me, children is always something that comes as part of a relationship and probably marriage (spot the Christian upbringing!). I’m not definite either way; it’s a decision I would want to make with a future partner, as we created a family.

26. Bi people exist! You’re one of them! Stop hating yourself! Stop using your Christian upbringing as an excuse to ignore anything relating to your sexuality!

27. Gender roles are complete bullshit. Every couple is different, the strengths each member of the couple brings will be different, and it’s up to them to find their dynamic, regardless of how closely it resembles traditional gender roles.

28. Not really! Only that since coming out I’ve felt less pressure to be feminine

29. It’s bloody hard. Even if we’re loud and proud and yelling about it and having a good time, each and every one of us has been through shit to get here.

30. Because it’s who I am! I’m proud to be LGBT+ because it’s who I am, and it’s a community that has come so far and is still making incredible strives forward but is subjected to so much pain and yet we keep going. Much love to you all!

Wow, I’m exhausted after that. Feel free to ask any questions about anything I said there! I touched on a lot of stuff. Much love!! xxx

[closetgremlin]

Ok, some more Graceling thoughts! Here we go

Kat acknowledges that her anger is related to King Randa, that’s good. Page 122-123, she says to Po “If I don’t do what [Randa] says, he’ll become angry. When he becomes angry, I’ll become angry. And then I’ll want to kill him.” So… this acknowledgment is good! At least she’s voiced that now, I think that that is a good thing. Actually hang on - Po corrects her, as a matter of fact. He says she’s afraid of her own anger; She stopped then and looked at him, because that seemed right to her. She was afraid of her own anger. Po goes on to tell her that “Randa isn’t even worth your anger,” and that “[m]uch of his power comes from you.” Then there’s this part:

She was afraid of her own anger: She repeated it in her mind. She was afraid of what she would do to the king—and with good reason. Look at Po, his jaw red and beginning to swell. She’s learned to control her skill, but she hadn’t learned to control her anger. And that meant she still didn’t control her Grace, (pg 123).

I just… I really like this scene, is all. I like this acknowledgement of her anger, her powers, her thoughts and feelings towards and about Randa. I think it’s good for her, and tbh it may be partly catharsis for me. Idk.

Following that, at the bottom of page 123 Kat mentions Po’s family - specifically, how she thought his aunt had a strange way of dealing with grief (she’s stopped eating, locked herself and her children in her rooms, only allowing a servant for meals which they may or may not eat…). I just think it’s really interesting how Po himself didn’t know about that (and I think Po himself is curious as well!!). (I wonder why this causes Po to think about telling her about his Grace?).

Re: Kat is aspec headcanon. This is nitpick-y and definitely projection, but at the beginning of chapter 13 here:

Raffin had told her she wasn’t perceptive. Po was perceptive. And talkative. Perhaps that was why they got along so well. She didn’t have to explain herself to Po, and he explained himself to her without her having to ask. She’s never known a person with whom she could communicate so freely—so unused was she to the phenomenon of friendship. (Pg. 126)

First off, SAME here about not being perceptive. I‘m pretty sure I’ve mentioned this in another commentating thread, but when one of my close friends and I first met I didn’t know that they had a crush on me till like… idk, a few months of knowing each other, and I only knew because they told me themself, while everyone around us knew about it basically (friend is very affectionate towards their crushes). So like! Not very perceptive? Mood, same here. But also, the way I figure it - if it’s not something you’re looking for (if you’re not looking for romantic stuff), why would you see it (why would you notice when others have romantic stuff for you)? …You know? And just… idk, the last part about how she’s so unused to “the phenomenon of friendship,” I just… that makes me sad. It also makes me think she’s demiromantic? (Or like, it increases that thought/headcannon, seeing as I’ve mentioned it before…). Because like - to my understanding, demiromantic means that one develops a romantic attraction only after a deep bond is formed (although maybe even that is misleading…? Is what I’ve sort of heard… feel free to correct me of course). With Giddon, Kat was disgusted when she found out that he was in love with her (and also thinks he’s a fool for it, as if that’s a thing he could control, which to my understanding you can’t really help it when you develop a crush on somebody, but also I’m aroace so as far as I know who’s to say). With Po… well, we’re roughly a hundred and a quarter pages in, there’s obviously no mention of Love from either Kat herself or any whiff from Po (…that I’ve seen, at least, but I’m not very reliable), but at the very least I do think that this… deep bond is forming. (I feel like I remember the book ending with them not officially in a relationship, as in I think they tried it then stopped, but I guess we’ll see).

Oh, re: Kat is aspec headcannon. “Giddon’s hope [to marry Katsa] bewildered her. She couldn’t fathom his foolishness, to fall in love with her, and she still didn’t entirely believe it to be true” page 130. She literally thinks he’s a fool for falling in love with her and genuinely can’t understand it - she thinks it’s a joke.! I am now revising my headcanon to say she’s grayromantic; the label means a lot of things to a lot of people, but I sort of look at it like it’s the “gray area” between 0% attraction (aromantic) and 100% attraction (alloromantic). (It is other things, too, of course, but this is my simplified understanding/explanation for the term😋). I think she’s grayromantic because romantic attraction as a whole seems very foreign to her (see above quote) and she doesn’t understand it; when she finally feels that attraction with Po (I’m not there yet, but I remember it. A little) it’s rather strong (probably surprising? Ok I don’t really remember but that’s fINE-). …ok I lost my train of thought but I think this makes sense. Yeah? Ok

Re: Giddon’s in love with Kat.

“…at least I don’t have a holding that depends on me, as do you, Giddon. I don’t have a wife, as you do, Oll.”

Giddon’s face went dark. He opened his mouth to speak, but Katsa cut through his words. (Page 135)

Personally, I think he’s offended by this because he’s in love with her and wants to marry her. Like - she points out that she isn’t married like Oll is, but G is like her in that they both aren’t married, and he wants to marry her… so idk, I think he’s just slightly offended by this line. Since we’re on this page…

Katsa what the FUCK. (Reference to my earlier post, here, which says basically the same thing). Page 135, same as above -

“I’ll kill the king,” she said. “I’ll kill the king, unless you both agree not to support me. This is my rebellion and mine alone, and if you don’t agree, I sweat to you on my Grace I will murder the king.”

Katsa what the F U C K. Holy fucking shit!! I’ve been going buck wild since I’ve read this, Katsa what the ever helling shit!!!!! She didn’t know if she would do it. But she knew she seemed wild enough for them to believe she would. Kat holy shit!! That’s… kinda all I have to say on the matter! ‘Cause like wow, Kat!

G proposes to Kat - his first mistake is on page 139, when he says “You should let me protect you.” You fucker. You fool. That’s the literal worst thing you can say to someone as independent as she is, never mind the fact that she could stomp you like a leaf. Actually, she phrases what I mean better than I do: A man who thought himself her protector—her protector when she could outduel him if she used a toothpick to his sword (page 140). And then he asks her if she’d “refuse a suitable proposal?”, like! Sir! Do you know her at all!! Of course she’d turn down a “suitable proposal,” she doesn’t! Wanna get married! To anybody! Idk if she’s like, expressed this in court or to court at all or whatever, but like I’m pretty sure I remember her saying that she’s mentioned it to Randa before? (Or at least King can probably guess at that…?). And then!! And then!! Third mistake! : “…You’ll want babies. I’m certain of it.” She wants to hit him for this, and I do not blame her!! (Actually, the exact reaction is wayyy more funny: She hadn’t expected to have such an immediate opportunity to practice containing her temper. For he deserved thumping, to knock his certainty out of his head and onto the ground where it belonged, page 140). Granted, I’m amazed, impressed, and super proud of her for how she handles this situation - she breathes to calm herself down, remains level-headed while wanting to knock the certainty out of him, sticks with exactly what Raff suggested she stick with (the whole “it’s not you, it’s me” shtick). I’m really proud of her for that, I don’t think I could do that myself (I’d probably get overwhelmed and shut down tbh). Fourth mistake: he calls her a lady killer, the name that’s been used for her several times by other parties. Idk how she feels about the title, but it really bothers me that he used that for her here. He’s trying to hurt her, I think, in the same/similar way she’s currently hurting him, so he calls her what others call her, what others call her who are outside of her small group of friends and familiar people (…aside from King, I guess. Randa, who’s a trigger for her! So maybe G’s trying to anger/trigger her…? Anyways, moving away from the PTSD headcannon now…). Also, how shallow of him to assume that she’s more interested in Po because he’s a prince while G’s simply a lord (page 141) - how shallow to assume that she’s interested in him at all, in my opinion, because she isn’t (in that way, at this point, yet). As a side note, I kinda think it’s funny that G thinks that Po will leave if G tells him exactly what he thinks about him, because like - not that G knows this, but Po already knows!! It’s the… idk, the cosmic irony of it all. Is that the phrasing? I think it’s ironic… right? That’s the word? Because Po actually knows this already but G doesn’t think he does. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I misremembered Po’s Grace! (Well of course I did, I read this like 6 years ago…). It’s not mind reading exactly, it’s - “I sense people. [...] I sense people when they’re near me, thinking and feeling and moving around, their bodies, their physical energy. It is only—“ He swallowed. “It is only when they’re thinking about me that I can also sense their thoughts.” […] I can’t sit and listen in to whatever thoughts I want. I don’t know what you think of Raffin, or what Raffin thinks of Bann, or whether Oll enjoys his dinner. You can be behind the door running in circles and thinking about how much you hate Randa, and all I’ll know is that you’re running in circles—until your thoughts turn to me. Only then do I know what you’re feeling.” (Page 145). Tbh? This is super cool, like as a magic thing and I’m very excited about this concept. Also… I guess I still don’t like… I still don’t quite understand why she doesn’t like mind readers, specifically. I understand the fact that she’s upset about him lying to her about his Grace, about him “being a mind reader,” but… I don’t get it. Granted, I don’t usually understand [plot lines/subplots/tensions/whatever] where people get so twisted up over another person lying, so this is more of a me-thing than a book-thing. I’ve just never understood why people get so upset over lying, sometimes.

Ok this is really long. Guess I had a lot to say! I’ve been working on this for basically 2 hours now, give or take. Nice. Anyways, thanks for reading

[bluesfortheredj]

May I please request a Taron fic please? In an interview he said that he did not know much about cocktails and ordered a long island iced tea so that had me thinking, what if he went out with the reader, ordered the 'iced tea' and got drunk. Can't walk straight, slurring, giggling type drunk. The reader then takes care of him throughout the night ('I'm hungry', the reader throws him a sandwich etc) In the morning he feels bad so he tries to repay her but she refuses until one day... [up to u]

“Which one then?” you ask as you stand with your arm linked in Taron’s, both of you looking at the two choices of places to eat in front of you. One was an Italian restaurant, and the other was more of a bar that did nibbles instead of proper food, so obviously Taron was set on that.

“That one,” he says, nodding towards the bar and starting to walk before you could give an opinion.

“So, tonight’s about drinking instead of eating?” you chuckle.

“Well, not exactly, but it’ll help.”

“Why? Because you can’t stand my company any more?”

“You know I didn’t mean it that way!” he says, nudging his arm into your side.

“Whatever. Let’s go drink.”

You both walk in and order some chips to share, then you decide on a malibu and coke while he goes for the ‘steady’ option of a long island ice tea. You frown at him in confusion at his choice of words for that drink, but you shrug it off, assuming that he must know what’s in it if he’s ordering it.

“Come on then, what’s been going on with you recently?” he asks.

“Well, me and Mike broke up a couple of weeks ago, job’s going pretty good though-”

“What? Why didn’t you tell me?!” Taron interrupts, now leaning in to you across the table for you to tell him what happened.

“Could’ve sworn I text you. Maybe not though, it was all a bit of a blur. Although the image of him and that girl on our sofa is, funnily enough, clear as day still...”

“Seriously?! He fucking cheated on you? (Y/N), seriously, you should’ve called me.”

“Oh, come on, the last thing you wanted to hear when you were being all badass as Robin Hood was my sob story,” you laugh. The drinks arrive and you down yours easily, ordering another almost straight away while Taron looks on at your with concern.

“Don’t look at me like that, Taron,” you say, rolling your eyes, “I’m fine. Weren’t meant to be, obviously.”

“(Y/N), I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you. I wouldn’t have minded if you called. Then I could’ve flown back to smack him earlier,” he smirks.

“Oh, don’t worry, he got a huge slap round the face when he came back the next day to try and ‘fix things’ as he put it.”

“Good girl!” Taron winks, already finishing up his drink and getting another, “so, what now then? Any dates?”

“Hell no. Enjoying my own company thank you very much,” you say defiantly, downing the last of your second drink.

The conversation continues, the chips get eaten, and Taron keeps on ordering his long island iced teas, still blissfully unaware at how much alcohol was actually in them. You watch as he gets a little giggly, and his cheeks turn a rosy red as the drink goes straight to his head, the chips doing nothing to soak any of it up. He tells you stories about being on set, but you’re not entirely sure what’s true or not as he keeps winking and laughing mid sentence, as if it was a private joke, with only him knowing the answer.

“And then… and then my trousers went… POOF!” he slurs, barely getting out the last word through fits of laughter. He waves his hands around and covers his crotch to show what he had to do when it happened, then slips off his stool and grabs on to the table to steady himself.

“Alright you, I think it’s time to go home,” you chuckle, and slowly get off your seat to help him.

“Don’t tell anyone,” he whispers loudly, “but I need to pee real bad.”

“Can you hold it until we get home?”

“I think so.”

“Excellent, because I am not coming in the gents to help you.”

“Shhh!” he laughs, “if you came in the gents with me I wouldn’t be able to resist…”

“Okay! Enough of that now, come on,” you say, getting a hold of his arm and helping him to the door. You hail a taxi and get in for the short ten minute drive to Taron’s place, then pull him out of the vehicle, pay the driver, and watch as he walks in a wobbly line to the door. He fumbles with his keys, missing the lock every time, and you have to take them off of him to unlock it for him, and he stumbles in the door, kicking his shoes off messily.

“Need to pee. Wanna help?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Absolutely not, but thanks for the offer,” you reply, picking his shoes up and placing them neatly together along with yours.

“I could make you forget all about Mike, y’know!” he slurs as he holds on to the wall to help him walk towards the toilet. You roll your eyes and laugh to yourself at the giggly, flirty Taron that you’d missed so much. He soon comes back without any trousers on, just his shirt and boxers, then slides across the wooden floor as if he were Tom Cruise.

“Missed me?” he asks with a grin.

“So much,” you reply, raising an eyebrow at him, “I think you should sleep this off.”

“Yessss!” he exclaims, “come to bed with me.”

He grabs your hand and you follow him to his bedroom where he then trips on to his bed with a bounce, and leans up on his elbow, looking at you with what you could only assume was meant to be a seductive look, but ending up more sleepy looking.

“Am I making you wet?” he asks, gesturing to himself.

“Unfortunately not, darling. Is there anything you want?”

“You.”

“Apart from me?”

“A sandwich would be good. Tuna mayoooo,” he sings.

“Coming right up,” you laugh, exiting the room. You root around in his fridge and cupboard, then put together a sandwich for him to take back up to his room where he’s sitting up against the headboard with his shirt off now.

“Oh, bloody hell,” you say, shielding your eyes, “you could have warned me.”

“Nothing you haven’t seen before! And don’t pretend you don’t love it,” he giggles. You lower your hand and sit on the edge of his bed, handing him the plate roughly.

“Shut up and eat,” you sigh.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-” he starts, his mouth full of bread and tuna.

“Don’t talk while you’re eating. Manners, Egerton, manners!”

He finishes up the sandwich quickly, then you take the plate downstairs and get him a glass of water, going back up to place it on his bedside table. You find him still sat up, but his head flopped to one side after drifting off, and you cover him over with his duvet. You make your way to the spare bedroom and settle in for the night, only waking when you hear footsteps outside the door the next morning. There’s a soft tap, then Taron opens the door to see if you’re awake, and his eyes light up to see that you are.

“Morning,” he whispers, entering the room, “about last night… I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry for what, exactly?” you ask with a smirk, now sitting up in bed.

“Umm, everything? I can’t really remember what happened.”

“Oh, you know, the usual. Flirting outrageously with me, asking me to help you in the bathroom, offering yourself to me.”

“Shit,” he whispers, “I’m sorry! Let me make it up to you.”

“Don’t worry, honestly. I’d better be getting home anyway.”

“No, don’t go, please.”

“I’ve got to,” you smile weakly, “I’ll be out in a bit.”

Taron leaves you to get ready, then you make your way out to collect your bag and leave, him sitting in the kitchen in his boxers with a sad look on his face.

“Oh, cheer up!” you laugh, “I’ll see you soon, yeah?”

“Please let me make this up to you. I’m so sorry (Y/N).”

“I’m alright. Don’t worry about it,” you smile, then leave in silence.

-

A couple of weeks later after chatting to Taron every other day on the phone, and him constantly asking whether he can make it up to you yet after his drunken antics that night, you finally send him a text asking him to come over.

“Hey, what’s up?” he asks as you open the front door to let him in.

“I just need some company tonight, if that’s okay. You technically owe me one,” you chuckle half heartedly.

“Of course. Are you alright?”

“Fine,” you whisper, your voice almost breaking as you lie.

“You’re not, but I won’t push it-”

“Mike was at the same cafe I was earlier and he was with his girlfriend, and I guess maybe it was ‘out of sight, out of mind’, but this sucks. This completely and utterly sucks, and I feel like shit, and that girl he cheated on me with is his girlfriend and why can’t anything good happen to me?” you ramble, tears falling down your cheeks rapidly. Taron’s face falls at the sight of you breaking apart, and in some kind of attempt at trying to piece you back together, he kisses you.

“Sorry,” he gasps, pulling away from you, “I’m so sorry. This is the last thing you need.”

“Maybe it’s exactly what I need,” you whisper, pressing your lips to his again briefly, “stay with me.”

“Of course,” he smiles.

[sept-dix]

the post-it confession

summary: looks like you have a secret admirer ~~~~ a/n: requested

there is such a thing as the post-it confession

it’s a tradition that has been kept alive in your high school for the longest time

even your mom who went to the same high school like decades ago got confessed to by her first boyfriend through this post-it confession thing

the whole thing is just when someone confesses to someone they like by leaving anonymous post-it notes for them to find throughout the day

by tradition, the first post-it note is always found on the person’s locker first thing in the morning, and the last post-it should lead them to meet the person who’s confessing to them irl at the end of the day

you’ve spent several painstaking days listening to and assisting your friends who had decided to confess to their crushes through this

and the whole day they would be agonizing over what to write on each post-it and whether the person had seen the post-it and whether they would be able to correctly find them at the end of the day and what they should do once they do actually meet and on and on and on

you get the idea

and although all of that effort and thought it required made you lazy to do it for someone yourself tbh you kinda wanted to do it

esp after seeing some of your friends’ success stories with their own crushes like the whole idea and everything is just so adorable :(

but the problem is you can’t actually find a guy to confess to LOL...

you don’t have anyone you like so how can you do it

so you just admit defeat and decide to forget about it

but one day!

one day, a normal day, you walk into school and you’re so sleepy that you’re basically walking with your eyes closed

and you reach out a hand blindly to turn the lock on your locker so that you can open it and get your stuff

when you realise that there’s a ! post-it covering the lock

and at first the morning haze over your mind is so heavy that you don’t understand what’s happening

but when you finally focus on the piece of paper you see that it’s a pink post-it, on which it’s written:

“i’m taking responsibility for your morning today, drink up”

and you’re like ????wat

so you look around you to see if you could find the person who left this super vague message for you

but there’s no one around that seems suspicious so you just open your locker instead

only to find the usual cup of coffee you buy every morning before first period already inside

and you have sO many questions about this whole thing already because

1) how the heck did this person get the coffee inside your locker

2) how do they even know about this habit of yours does that mean they’ve been wATCHING you?

3) does this mean that this person,,..,,,, likes you?

you take one final look around you but you still don’t spot anyone suspicious so you just head to first period with the coffee

needless to say your friends are all superduper excited

maybe even more excited than you lmao

they’re all listing out possible candidates throughout first period (completely ignoring the poor teacher lol)

“maybe it’s that sophomore guanlin? his eyes get all big and shiny when y/n’s around”

“could be, but he wouldn’t have written the note like that”

“u right. maybe it’s kang daniel? he’s like best friends or smth with y/n’s brother right it could be one of those cute bro’s younger sis crush type of thingies”

“wow that’s an exciting thought but how could he have known about the morning coffee? he’s always playing basketball in the mornings”

“oh yeah that’s true. who usually hangs around the coffee vending machine in the morning....,,,, oH wait is it woojin??? he’s so close to y/n that would be so cute!!!!!”

on and on the conversation goes without you ever having a chance to pipe in with your own opinion

your friends’ excitement is rlly cute and it makes you even more curious about who the person is but truth be told you have absolutely no idea about who it could be

so you just slip the post-it into your pencil case and head to your next classroom for french once the bell rings

and once you enter the classroom and get to your seat you find the next post-it on your table!!!

“J’aimerais mieux te connaître.”

meaning “I’d like to get to know you better”

who is this person??? he’s been so straightforward and ,,well,, not very cutesy or anything

just as you’re going through the people in your french class to see if it could be anyone from there since the note is in french after all your table partner woojin comes in and takes his seat beside you

“hey what’s that? you got a post-it???”

“yeah lol i have absolutely no idea who it’s from though”

“oh i see, that’s good that’s great”

“what”

“i mean, yeah i have no idea who it is either i mean how would i know”

why’s he being so weird

wait a minute

“WOOJIN don’t tell me it’s you????”

“WHAT NO OF COURSE NOT”

....

“wait what’s so wrong if it was me?? are u tryna say i’m undesirable?”

“just shut up and come here and tell me if you know this handwriting”

woojin then insists that he has no clue about who the person confessing you could be and he gets super defensive about it so that’s just a little suspicious but you just give up trying to find out anything from him

when it’s finally lunchtime and you can meet your friends again, they once more freak out over the new note

“he wrote it in frenCH???? that’s the language of love!!!”

anyways you guys get your food and it’s when you head to your usual table that you find your third post-it

“if you want to know who i am, here’s a hint”

that’s all it says

so where exactly is the hint???? how can he just say here’s a hint and not follow up with the actual hint?

you and your friends practically have deerstalkers on as you guys try to understand what the hint is

“are you like supposed to look around you once you’ve read so that you’d catch a glimpse of the actual him?”

“well then it’s too late now isn’t it because it’s been nearly 15 mins since she’s read the note”

“oH i got it!!! i think the hint is like here it is as in here it is! it’s the location”

“ok but what does the cafeteria have to do with anything?? y/n have you had any cafeteria romances that you’re not telling us about”

“um,,, no...”

at some point one of your friend does accidentally mention the real hint, which is the post-it itself

it’s pink!!!! but none of you guys focus on that because well, you don’t know that’s the hint

so the third post-it note was sort of a failure on your admirer’s behalf but it’s kind of interesting

throughout the day you’ve been asking everyone around you in classes whether they recognize the handwriting on your post-its

and so of course you also ask park jihoon, who’s your lab partner for biology

“hey jihoon come here and tell me if you’ve seen this handwriting anywhere else before”

“oh! uh,,, no......”

he looks a little fidgety and anxious and you’re all “why are you so nervous? you knOW DONT U??”

and he insists that he has no idea whatsoever so you just give up again

it’s at the end of the lab when you get up to go and return yours and jihoon’s lab apparatus to their places and you came back that you see your fourth and final post-it on your side of the lab table

“meet me near the basketball court at 4″

who could have possibly left this here without you noticing when you’ve literally been in the same room?

you would’ve asked jihoon but he had already left the lab

so you’re like ok i guess i’ll just have to wait til 4

you have to admit you’re kinda nervous i mean you might be meeting the love of your life in 2 hours???

or you might meet someone whose totally in love with you but you aren’t interested in them at all so then you’d have to painfully turn them down??

or this could all have been an elaborate joke and the person who shows up at 4 could just come up to you and call you a fool for believing it? that would be really mean but it’s a possibility

regardless of what happens it’s a little nerve-wracking

so needless to say, you’re on the edge of your seat for the next two hours

and when the bell rings to indicate that 4 o’clock is here

you feel a little lightheaded

so you get all your stuff and hurry your way to the court, clutching the four post-it notes in one hand

and when you get to the basketball court you see that there’s a guy standing at the middle of it, facing away from you

you can’t really tell who it is from where you are but he kinda looks like he’s talking to himself 

so you make sure your hair and clothes are all okay and you carefully start walking towards him

and just as you reach him he turns around and oh-

it’s jihoon

wait, it’s JIHOON???

“i’m sorry, it’s just that my post-it person asked me to meet here now and i think maybe he’s late or something because i don’t see anyone else here so i think i’ll just go-” you are rambling because you can’t believe that it’s jihoon and you turn around to go when he suddenly steps forward and grabs your hand

“it’s me”

“huh?”

“your post-it person. it’s me”

“oh”

he looks down at the floor for second before looking back up at you

“y/n, i guess you already know what i’m about to say because that was the point of the whole post-it thing but i want to say it anyway. i really like you”

!!!!! it’s really happening!!

you just look at him in surprise

“and i’ve liked your for a while now”

more silence

“and i know you don’t like me back yet”

“well that’s not really tru-”

“i know it is. but if you let me bring you out, i promise i could get you to like me too”

wow

you don’t know what to say

you just look at him and his ridiculously pretty eyes and after a second you find yourself nodding

“but what if that doesn’t work?” you ask him, half-teasing half-serious

but he doesn’t answer you right away, he just looks at you with a knowing expression for a few seconds before winking at you

and your heart does something a little funny and you’re kinda taken aback

and you somehow know that he’ll be able to keep his promise just fine

thank you for reading!!! tell me what you think or you can send in a request for something else

[tak4hir0]

How to Build an eCars App on Heroku and Salesforce (Part 4)11x Certified Salesforce professional and developer with 10+ years experience and an MBA from UCLA Anderson School. This is the fourth article documenting what I’ve learned from a series of 10 Trailhead Live video sessions on Modern App Development on Salesforce and Heroku. In these articles, we’re focusing on how to combine Salesforce with Heroku to build an “eCars” app—a sales and service application for a fictitious electric car company (“Pulsar”) that allows users to customize and buy cars, service techs to view live diagnostic info from the car, and more. In case you missed my previous article, you can find it here. Just as a quick reminder: I’ve been following this Trailhead Live video series to brush up and stay current on the latest app development trends on these platforms that are key to my career and business. I’ll be sharing each step for building the app, what I’ve learned, and my thoughts from each session. These series reviews are both for my own edification as well as for others who might benefit from the content. The Trailhead Live sessions and schedule can be found here: Last time…Last session, we did some data modeling in Salesforce using point-and-click methods and also went over some of the data modeling and scalability features of the Heroku platform. If you remember from the last article, I absolutely think that proper data modeling at the outset is critical to setting up an app for success.  In this episode, we’re looking at a topic that is paradoxically both anathema to me and something that makes me love the Salesforce platform: creating front-end app experiences. I promise this will make sense as we get deeper into the article. Ever since I first got into app development, designing and building front-end experiences for an app or website has probably been my least enjoyable experience. With back-end development, things either worked the way they should, or you had clear bugs or errors: there was no middle ground. On the other hand, I found front-end to be far too subjective of a topic for my liking—everyone had a different opinion about how something should flow, how it should look, whether to use rounded or square edges, which shade of blue would get more clicks, etc. Then, when you finally get to release the end product after much colorful debate, a group of users out in the wild invariably figures out a way to get confused by the front-end experience you worked so hard on.  The fact that there is massive controversy over this meme is why I dislike working on both However, I think my early distaste for front-end related things is actually something that drew me deeper into the Salesforce ecosystem. I was naturally attracted to the platform’s meta-data driven architecture that allows me to quickly get an app concept up-and-running with a working and extensively customizable user interface without having to write a bunch of front-end HTML, CSS, and Javascript.  Many of my clients are very visual in the way they process information, and oftentimes they need something in front of them they can play around with and “kick the tires” on before they’re able to provide substantive feedback on ways we can improve their experience. Being able to prototype this way has saved me countless hours iterating on designs. As a result, this session really had me thinking about how much one can do with the front-end experience of a Salesforce app before having to do anything with code.  Let’s look at some of those features in the context of our eCars app. Personalizing and Branding the Salesforce AppA nice feature that’s been added to the Salesforce Lightning Experience interface is the Themes and Branding section of the User Interface area of app setup. Without needing code to customize the color palette, banners, logo, and images, we can completely personalize a Salesforce app to match the branding of the company. We can literally take theme customizations for a test-drive You can try out this feature yourself in the context of the Pulsar eCars app by uploading the app package to a developer edition or scratch org. You can get the GitHub repo for the eCars app at the following URL and if you need a review on how to deploy a Salesforce app to a scratch org from a GitHub repo, you can refer back to the very first article I wrote on this series. https://github.com/trailheadapps/ecars Creating Custom Record Pages Without CodeBeing able to customize the theme colors, logos, and images is certainly a nice appetizer, but the main course is really when we get into the user interface components of record pages without having to use any code. Lightning Experience has really taken this to the next level as well—those of you too new to have known Classic Experience might not fully appreciate all the new features Lightning offers. For the eCars app, we get to design, from scratch, a record page for the standard Lead object.  Regardless of which object we’re working with, displaying relevant information to the user in both a logical and functional way is paramount. With the Lightning record pages, we’re presented with a plethora of variations on how we can optimize things for the user, all without code: Page Templates How should we organize information on the page? Do we need a header and two equal regions? A header, main section, and a sidebar? No header and three columns?  Even if none of the many out-of-the-box layouts work, we can create a custom page template that can be achieved with some light coding.  If none of these options work, you could be overthinking things Drag-and-Drop Components After the page regions are defined, we can simply start building out the record page using a number of drag-and-drop components such as tabs, record details, record highlights, related list items for the sidebar, etc. Basically, we can include anything that someone interacting with the record might need to access.  Page Activations for Different Use Cases Once the page has been built and defined, we also have the option of activating it as a single org-wide default, or going a few levels deeper and then defining multiple versions of the same record page for different apps, user profiles, and record types. One user may need to see more, less, or different information for the same record. This reality makes defining multiple versions a handy tool to achieve that use case.  The page activations can even be as granular as desktop vs. phone for added optimization for the different form factors.   Even More Granular UI Elements Without CodeIn addition to the customizations of the Lightning Record Pages, there are other, more specific ways to customize without code.  Compact, Search, and Page Layouts If we need to customize which fields appear and in what order—in places like the Record Highlights component, the Global Search results, or the Record Details component— we can use drag-and-drop methods on the Compact Layouts, Search Layouts, and Page Layouts sections of the Object Manager in Setup. I use these frequently as they’re essential to organizing information for the users. Dynamic Actions with Conditional Visibility This is a relatively new feature at the time of this writing (only a few releases old), and it’s already helped me with those client requests that go something like, “Can we hide this button until so-and-so has filled out x,y,z or the record has gotten to this stage?” I used to hack this functionality together by creating a mess of record types and different page layouts, or I’d just code a custom visualforce page. But now, hiding/rendering actions is as easy as defining the filters for them with a few clicks. The one consideration here is that this only works (currently) for desktop interfaces. Dynamic Forms Dynamic forms take the whole “conditional visibility” thing to a new level. This feature applies not just to buttons and actions, but to individual fields. Similar to the above use-case example for hiding buttons, sometimes a record just might present too many fields to the user at once. Dynamic forms solve this by allowing you to define under which conditions certain fields should be visible. As a result, users can go on about their business of filling things out and updating records. Then, as things progress, dynamic forms hide irrelevant fields and present new, relevant ones. This creates a nice, streamlined user experience. One “gotcha” we have to keep in mind is that this is only available for custom objects, not standard ones like Leads, Accounts, Contacts, and Opportunities. That being said, I’m betting this will change soon enough. Screen Flows – Multi-Step Wizards Without CodeScreen flows are probably one of the most powerful tools we can leverage when it comes to custom user experiences without crossing into the “code zone.” If an app builder needs to hold a user’s hand during a complex and multi-step design process, then the screen flow is the likely tool of choice. I’ve found that there is a bit of a learning curve with screen flows. Although it’s hard to design them nicely from the outset, once someone gets the hang of it, they’ll need very little time to build out a totally bespoke data-entry wizard user experience during those times when even dynamic forms don't get the job done.  And once Lightning Components get involved, flows can even launch and exchange information with Lightning Components in the middle of a flow. The possibilities really are endless. Concluding Thoughts and Other Helpful ResourcesAs I said earlier, designing front-end experiences is not one of my strong suits. I’m pretty sure that if I had not found Salesforce on my app-building journey, I probably would have quit and found a different line of work, or I would have just become a purely back-end developer.  The UI/UX tools and features on the Salesforce platform have instead helped me to deliver complete app experiences, front to back. For more information and specific practice on some of the topics covered, check out the links to the Trailhead modules and resources below: In the next article, we’re going to shift gears and dive into some actual coding for the eCars app with Lightning Web Components. If you haven’t already joined the official Chatter group for this series, I certainly recommend you do so. That way, you can get the full value of the experience and also pose questions and start discussions with the group. Oftentimes, there are valuable discussions and additional references available there, such as the slides from the presentation and links to other resources and references. https://sforce.co/34Ld7xz About me:  I’m an 11x certified Salesforce professional who’s been running my own Salesforce consultancy for several years. If you’re curious about my backstory on accidentally turning into a developer and even competing on stage on a quiz show at one of the Salesforce conventions, you can read this article I wrote for the Salesforce blog a few years ago. Also published at https://dev.to/jasonomnivo/building-front-end-app-experiences-with-clicks-not-code-2m6e Join Hacker Noon Create your free account to unlock your custom reading experience.

[ofstarsandskies]

Tagged by: @fearfulfracture (Forgottogettothis)

Tagging: Um... IDK, if it’s late, here’s some time to waste not going to bed. ;U

1. What is your name? "Ludger, although I go by Star when I talk to my fellow Ludgers.”

2. What is your real name? “Ludger is my real name.”

3. Do you know why you’re called that? “Not... really? I don’t really remember anything past living with Nii-san.”

4. Are you single or taken? “Single.” [Defaultlyanyway]

5. What are your powers and abilities? “With some help from my brother, I trained myself to use twin swords, pistols, and a sledgehammer. I do have the Corpse Shell/Chromatus as well as a last resort since it’s not easy to kill someone mid-Corpse Shell, but I only use it if I absolutely have to.”

6. What color are your eyes? “My eyes are a shade of aquamarine with a gold ring in the middle. Apparently I got it from my mom, although I wonder where she and her family got it from...”

7. Have you ever dyed your hair? “I still dye my bangs to this day. Honestly, I think my hair looks pretty weird without them.”

8. Do you have any family members? “My big brother, Julius.”

9. Do you have any pets? “My cat, Lulu. He’s still pretty young, so he’ll be around for at least another decade as long as his fat doesn’t hurt his health too much.”

10. Tell me something you don’t like. “I admit, I’m not the biggest fan of myself...”

11. Do you have any hobbies or activities you do in your spare time? “I have pretty ‘girly’ hobbies-- cooking, sewing, and knitting being the main ones. I also like stargazing, especially when I need to get out of a bad train of thought.”

12. Have you ever hurt anyone before? “Too many times. Far too many times.”

13. Have you…ever killed anyone? “I have. And I regret it.”

14. What kind of animal are you? “It’s hard to say. I guess maybe a dog, for a variety of reasons.”

15. Name your worst habits. “I can get into a really bad depressive state sometimes, and it leads me into some behaviors I’d rather not talk about. I used to stutter a lot more back in the day too, but I’ve gotten better about it. I still do it sometimes when I get nervous though.”

16. Do you look up to anyone? “I look up to a lot of my friends, actually. And my brother too--but that one’s sort of a given in my opinion.”

17. Gay, straight, bisexual? "If we’re talking strictly sex, asexual. But if we’re talking attraction, bisexual.”

18. Do you go to school? “Nope, I graduated high school a few years ago and tried to find a job as a Spirius Agent immediately afterwards.”

19. Do you ever want to marry and have kids someday? “Not really. I guess if I found a lady I came to love, I’d consider it, but it’s not something I’m actively seeking out. And I’d be happy with my life whether I do or don’t have my own family.”

20. Do you have any fans? “No. I don’t really have the charisma my brother does to gain a fan following, and I ‘quit’ my job at Spirius two years ago.”

21. What are you afraid of? “Being alone, strangers to an extent, my past deeds coming to haunt me, and losing my brother. Mostly the last one.”

22. What do you usually wear? “A dress shirt, slacks, lace-up dress shoes, a tie, suspenders, and a few accessories. My brother always stressed on how I should strive to look nice, so I sort of settled into a somewhat formal dress for my everyday outfit.”

23. Do you love someone? “I love my brother more than the world itself. And I love the friends I’ve made too.”

24. What class are you? "I’d say Middle Class.”

25. How many friends do you have? "It’s a growing number, so I can’t really give a definite answer. If I can list my hope, I want to make a lot of friends to help better myself as a person while also having people who’re there for me.”

26. What are your thoughts on pie? “I like them, although I don’t really eat sweets often. I try to keep in shape.”

27. Favorite drink? “No real preference.”

29. What is your favorite place? “By my brother’s side.”

30. Are you interested in someone? "I’m interested in getting to know other people, if that counts.”

31. What’s your dick size? "I-I’d rather not talk about it...”

32. Would you rather swim in the lake or ocean? “I’d say a lake, although that’s only because if I start drowning, it’s easier to save someone in a lake than the ocean... I think. Plus lakes don’t seem as bottomless as the ocean.”

33. What’s your ‘type’? “Someone who’s willing to be patient with me. That’s all I can think of.”

34. Any fetishes? “I-I don’t really dabble in sex stuff so I wouldn’t know.”

35. Top or bottom? Dominant or submissive? “I don’t really have plans to have sex, so I can’t really say the top or bottom stuff. But I can’t see myself being very dominant in most settings so I guess I’d be a submissive.”

36. Camping, or indoors? "I prefer being indoors-- I feel a lot safer indoors than outside.”

37. Are you waiting for this interview to be over? “I don’t really mind either way-- as long as it doesn’t go on forever.”