#…i could practically write an essay on Kat being aspec at this point huh??

[closetgremlin]

Ok, some more Graceling thoughts! Here we go

Kat acknowledges that her anger is related to King Randa, that’s good. Page 122-123, she says to Po “If I don’t do what [Randa] says, he’ll become angry. When he becomes angry, I’ll become angry. And then I’ll want to kill him.” So… this acknowledgment is good! At least she’s voiced that now, I think that that is a good thing. Actually hang on - Po corrects her, as a matter of fact. He says she’s afraid of her own anger; She stopped then and looked at him, because that seemed right to her. She was afraid of her own anger. Po goes on to tell her that “Randa isn’t even worth your anger,” and that “[m]uch of his power comes from you.” Then there’s this part:

She was afraid of her own anger: She repeated it in her mind. She was afraid of what she would do to the king—and with good reason. Look at Po, his jaw red and beginning to swell. She’s learned to control her skill, but she hadn’t learned to control her anger. And that meant she still didn’t control her Grace, (pg 123).

I just… I really like this scene, is all. I like this acknowledgement of her anger, her powers, her thoughts and feelings towards and about Randa. I think it’s good for her, and tbh it may be partly catharsis for me. Idk.

Following that, at the bottom of page 123 Kat mentions Po’s family - specifically, how she thought his aunt had a strange way of dealing with grief (she’s stopped eating, locked herself and her children in her rooms, only allowing a servant for meals which they may or may not eat…). I just think it’s really interesting how Po himself didn’t know about that (and I think Po himself is curious as well!!). (I wonder why this causes Po to think about telling her about his Grace?).

Re: Kat is aspec headcanon. This is nitpick-y and definitely projection, but at the beginning of chapter 13 here:

Raffin had told her she wasn’t perceptive. Po was perceptive. And talkative. Perhaps that was why they got along so well. She didn’t have to explain herself to Po, and he explained himself to her without her having to ask. She’s never known a person with whom she could communicate so freely—so unused was she to the phenomenon of friendship. (Pg. 126)

First off, SAME here about not being perceptive. I‘m pretty sure I’ve mentioned this in another commentating thread, but when one of my close friends and I first met I didn’t know that they had a crush on me till like… idk, a few months of knowing each other, and I only knew because they told me themself, while everyone around us knew about it basically (friend is very affectionate towards their crushes). So like! Not very perceptive? Mood, same here. But also, the way I figure it - if it’s not something you’re looking for (if you’re not looking for romantic stuff), why would you see it (why would you notice when others have romantic stuff for you)? …You know? And just… idk, the last part about how she’s so unused to “the phenomenon of friendship,” I just… that makes me sad. It also makes me think she’s demiromantic? (Or like, it increases that thought/headcannon, seeing as I’ve mentioned it before…). Because like - to my understanding, demiromantic means that one develops a romantic attraction only after a deep bond is formed (although maybe even that is misleading…? Is what I’ve sort of heard… feel free to correct me of course). With Giddon, Kat was disgusted when she found out that he was in love with her (and also thinks he’s a fool for it, as if that’s a thing he could control, which to my understanding you can’t really help it when you develop a crush on somebody, but also I’m aroace so as far as I know who’s to say). With Po… well, we’re roughly a hundred and a quarter pages in, there’s obviously no mention of Love from either Kat herself or any whiff from Po (…that I’ve seen, at least, but I’m not very reliable), but at the very least I do think that this… deep bond is forming. (I feel like I remember the book ending with them not officially in a relationship, as in I think they tried it then stopped, but I guess we’ll see).

Oh, re: Kat is aspec headcannon. “Giddon’s hope [to marry Katsa] bewildered her. She couldn’t fathom his foolishness, to fall in love with her, and she still didn’t entirely believe it to be true” page 130. She literally thinks he’s a fool for falling in love with her and genuinely can’t understand it - she thinks it’s a joke.! I am now revising my headcanon to say she’s grayromantic; the label means a lot of things to a lot of people, but I sort of look at it like it’s the “gray area” between 0% attraction (aromantic) and 100% attraction (alloromantic). (It is other things, too, of course, but this is my simplified understanding/explanation for the term😋). I think she’s grayromantic because romantic attraction as a whole seems very foreign to her (see above quote) and she doesn’t understand it; when she finally feels that attraction with Po (I’m not there yet, but I remember it. A little) it’s rather strong (probably surprising? Ok I don’t really remember but that’s fINE-). …ok I lost my train of thought but I think this makes sense. Yeah? Ok

Re: Giddon’s in love with Kat.

“…at least I don’t have a holding that depends on me, as do you, Giddon. I don’t have a wife, as you do, Oll.”

Giddon’s face went dark. He opened his mouth to speak, but Katsa cut through his words. (Page 135)

Personally, I think he’s offended by this because he’s in love with her and wants to marry her. Like - she points out that she isn’t married like Oll is, but G is like her in that they both aren’t married, and he wants to marry her… so idk, I think he’s just slightly offended by this line. Since we’re on this page…

Katsa what the FUCK. (Reference to my earlier post, here, which says basically the same thing). Page 135, same as above -

“I’ll kill the king,” she said. “I’ll kill the king, unless you both agree not to support me. This is my rebellion and mine alone, and if you don’t agree, I sweat to you on my Grace I will murder the king.”

Katsa what the F U C K. Holy fucking shit!! I’ve been going buck wild since I’ve read this, Katsa what the ever helling shit!!!!! She didn’t know if she would do it. But she knew she seemed wild enough for them to believe she would. Kat holy shit!! That’s… kinda all I have to say on the matter! ‘Cause like wow, Kat!

G proposes to Kat - his first mistake is on page 139, when he says “You should let me protect you.” You fucker. You fool. That’s the literal worst thing you can say to someone as independent as she is, never mind the fact that she could stomp you like a leaf. Actually, she phrases what I mean better than I do: A man who thought himself her protector—her protector when she could outduel him if she used a toothpick to his sword (page 140). And then he asks her if she’d “refuse a suitable proposal?”, like! Sir! Do you know her at all!! Of course she’d turn down a “suitable proposal,” she doesn’t! Wanna get married! To anybody! Idk if she’s like, expressed this in court or to court at all or whatever, but like I’m pretty sure I remember her saying that she’s mentioned it to Randa before? (Or at least King can probably guess at that…?). And then!! And then!! Third mistake! : “…You’ll want babies. I’m certain of it.” She wants to hit him for this, and I do not blame her!! (Actually, the exact reaction is wayyy more funny: She hadn’t expected to have such an immediate opportunity to practice containing her temper. For he deserved thumping, to knock his certainty out of his head and onto the ground where it belonged, page 140). Granted, I’m amazed, impressed, and super proud of her for how she handles this situation - she breathes to calm herself down, remains level-headed while wanting to knock the certainty out of him, sticks with exactly what Raff suggested she stick with (the whole “it’s not you, it’s me” shtick). I’m really proud of her for that, I don’t think I could do that myself (I’d probably get overwhelmed and shut down tbh). Fourth mistake: he calls her a lady killer, the name that’s been used for her several times by other parties. Idk how she feels about the title, but it really bothers me that he used that for her here. He’s trying to hurt her, I think, in the same/similar way she’s currently hurting him, so he calls her what others call her, what others call her who are outside of her small group of friends and familiar people (…aside from King, I guess. Randa, who’s a trigger for her! So maybe G’s trying to anger/trigger her…? Anyways, moving away from the PTSD headcannon now…). Also, how shallow of him to assume that she’s more interested in Po because he’s a prince while G’s simply a lord (page 141) - how shallow to assume that she’s interested in him at all, in my opinion, because she isn’t (in that way, at this point, yet). As a side note, I kinda think it’s funny that G thinks that Po will leave if G tells him exactly what he thinks about him, because like - not that G knows this, but Po already knows!! It’s the… idk, the cosmic irony of it all. Is that the phrasing? I think it’s ironic… right? That’s the word? Because Po actually knows this already but G doesn’t think he does. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I misremembered Po’s Grace! (Well of course I did, I read this like 6 years ago…). It’s not mind reading exactly, it’s - “I sense people. [...] I sense people when they’re near me, thinking and feeling and moving around, their bodies, their physical energy. It is only—“ He swallowed. “It is only when they’re thinking about me that I can also sense their thoughts.” […] I can’t sit and listen in to whatever thoughts I want. I don’t know what you think of Raffin, or what Raffin thinks of Bann, or whether Oll enjoys his dinner. You can be behind the door running in circles and thinking about how much you hate Randa, and all I’ll know is that you’re running in circles—until your thoughts turn to me. Only then do I know what you’re feeling.” (Page 145). Tbh? This is super cool, like as a magic thing and I’m very excited about this concept. Also… I guess I still don’t like… I still don’t quite understand why she doesn’t like mind readers, specifically. I understand the fact that she’s upset about him lying to her about his Grace, about him “being a mind reader,” but… I don’t get it. Granted, I don’t usually understand [plot lines/subplots/tensions/whatever] where people get so twisted up over another person lying, so this is more of a me-thing than a book-thing. I’ve just never understood why people get so upset over lying, sometimes.

Ok this is really long. Guess I had a lot to say! I’ve been working on this for basically 2 hours now, give or take. Nice. Anyways, thanks for reading