#alternative to addiction treatment

[markllockwood]

The Enigmatic World of Addiction: A Deeper Dive

Addiction, as a complex and often misunderstood condition, has captivated my attention for over two decades. Despite the countless hours dedicated to understanding and addressing this issue, it continues to reveal its intricate layers, leaving us with a sense of awe and perplexity. Today we look at the Enigmatic World of Addiction: A Deeper Dive into how what we understand about addictive…

[helladventurers]

Ughhhh, looks like I'll need to do 10 sessions with a phsychiatrist before i go ahead with the exams that allow me to get a proper autism diagnosis 😑 i hope i don't get another fucking nutjob this time

[trans-axolotl]

also in regards to that last article about varied ways of thinking about psychosis/altered states that don't just align with medical model or carceral psychiatry---I always love sharing about Bethel House and their practices of peer support for schizophrenia that are founded on something called tojisha kenkyu, but I don't see it mentioned as often as things like HVN and Soteria House.

ID: [A colorful digital drawing of a group of people having a meeting inside a house while it snows outside.]

"What really set the stage for tōjisha-kenkyū were two social movements started by those with disabilities. In the 1950s, a new disability movement was burgeoning in Japan, but it wasn’t until the 1970s that those with physical disabilities, such as cerebral palsy, began to advocate for themselves more actively as tōjisha. For those in this movement, their disability is visible. They know where their discomfort comes from, why they are discriminated against, and in what ways they need society to change. Their movement had a clear sense of purpose: make society accommodate the needs of people with disabilities. Around the same time, during the 1970s, a second movement was started by those with mental health issues, such as addiction (particularly alcohol misuse) and schizophrenia. Their disabilities are not always visible. People in this second movement may not have always known they had a disability and, even after they identify their problems, they may remain uncertain about the nature of their disability. Unlike those with physical and visible disabilities, this second group of tōjisha were not always sure how to advocate for themselves as members of society. They didn’t know what they wanted and needed from society. This knowing required new kinds of self-knowledge.

As the story goes, tōjisha-kenkyū emerged in the Japanese fishing town of Urakawa in southern Hokkaido in the early 2000s. It began in the 1980s when locals who had been diagnosed with psychiatric disorders created a peer-support group in a run-down church, which was renamed ‘Bethel House’. The establishment of Bethel House (or just Bethel) was also aided by the maverick psychiatrist Toshiaki Kawamura and an innovative social worker named Ikuyoshi Mukaiyachi. From the start, Bethel embodied the experimental spirit that followed the ‘antipsychiatry’ movement in Japan, which proposed ideas for how psychiatry might be done differently, without relying only on diagnostic manuals and experts. But finding new methods was incredibly difficult and, in the early days of Bethel, both staff and members often struggled with a recurring problem: how is it possible to get beyond traditional psychiatric treatments when someone is still being tormented by their disabling symptoms? Tōjisha-kenkyū was born directly out of a desperate search for answers.

In the early 2000s, one of Bethel’s members with schizophrenia was struggling to understand who he was and why he acted the way he did. This struggle had become urgent after he had set his own home on fire in a fit of anger. In the aftermath, he was overwhelmed and desperate. At his wits’ end about how to help, Mukaiyachi asked him if perhaps he wanted to kenkyū (to ‘study’ or ‘research’) himself so he could understand his problems and find a better way to cope with his illness. Apparently, the term ‘kenkyū’ had an immediate appeal, and others at Bethel began to adopt it, too – especially those with serious mental health problems who were constantly urged to think about (and apologise) for who they were and how they behaved. Instead of being passive ‘patients’ who felt they needed to keep their heads down and be ashamed for acting differently, they could now become active ‘researchers’ of their own ailments. Tōjisha-kenkyū allowed these people to deny labels such as ‘victim’, ‘patient’ or ‘minority’, and to reclaim their agency.

Tōjisha-kenkyū is based on a simple idea. Humans have long shared their troubles so that others can empathise and offer wisdom about how to solve problems. Yet the experience of mental illness is often accompanied by an absence of collective sharing and problem-solving. Mental health issues are treated like shameful secrets that must be hidden, remain unspoken, and dealt with in private. This creates confused and lonely people, who can only be ‘saved’ by the top-down knowledge of expert psychiatrists. Tōjisha-kenkyū simply encourages people to ‘study’ their own problems, and to investigate patterns and solutions in the writing and testimonies of fellow tōjisha.

Self-reflection is at the heart of this practice. Tōjisha-kenkyū incorporates various forms of reflection developed in clinical methods, such as social skills training and cognitive behavioural therapy, but the reflections of a tōjisha don’t begin and end at the individual. Instead, self-reflection is always shared, becoming a form of knowledge that can be communally reflected upon and improved. At Bethel House, members found it liberating that they could define themselves as ‘producers’ of a new form of knowledge, just like the doctors and scientists who diagnosed and studied them in hospital wards. The experiential knowledge of Bethel members now forms the basis of an open and shared public domain of collective knowledge about mental health, one distributed through books, newspaper articles, documentaries and social media.

Tōjisha-kenkyū quickly caught on, making Bethel House a site of pilgrimage for those seeking alternatives to traditional psychiatry. Eventually, a café was opened, public lectures and events were held, and even merchandise (including T-shirts depicting members’ hallucinations) was sold to help support the project. Bethel won further fame when their ‘Hallucination and Delusion Grand Prix’ was aired on national television in Japan. At these events, people in Urakawa are invited to listen and laugh alongside Bethel members who share stories of their hallucinations and delusions. Afterwards, the audience votes to decide who should win first prize for the most hilarious or moving account. One previous winner told a story about a failed journey into the mountains to ride a UFO and ‘save the world’ (it failed because other Bethel members convinced him he needed a licence to ride a UFO, which he didn’t have). Another winner told a story about living in a public restroom at a train station for four days to respect the orders of an auditory hallucination. Tōjisha-kenkyū received further interest, in and outside Japan, when the American anthropologist Karen Nakamura wrote A Disability of the Soul: An Ethnography of Schizophrenia and Mental Illness in Contemporary Japan (2013), a detailed and moving account of life at Bethel House. "

-Japan's Radical Alternative to Psychiatric Diagnosis by Satsuki Ayaya and Junko Kitanaka

[palmbeachketaminetherapy]

Website: https://www.pbketamine.com/

Address: 824 US Hwy 1 Suite 110, North Palm Beach, FL 33408

Phone: +1 561-650-4183

Ketamine therapy is revolutionizing the industry for those struggling with depression, PTSD, panic disorder, OCD and many other conditions that affect mood and behavior. In addition to treating suicidal thoughts, severe depression, and trauma-related flashbacks or nightmares, ketamine helps bring back balance when it comes to dealing with overwhelming emotions.

Business Email: Alexa@pbketaminetherapy.com

[littlebeachhousetl]

The Little Beach House Transitional Living

We aim to push individuals to explore interests, goals, hobbies, and passions, while guiding them to discover more about themselves. We help people recovering build a real foundation of what their life can look like outside of treatment.

Address: 32 N Venice Blvd, Venice, CA 90291, USA Phone: 424-645-8702 Website: https://littlebeachhousetl.com

[planet-dusk]

🏷️ dom!felix, unprotected sex, choking, pussy spanking, mentions of subspace, oral (f), cum eating

“look at me, love,” felix’s low voice purrs into your ear. “look me in the eye while i ruin you.”

he grabs your face roughly, squeezing your cheeks with the fingers of his free hand. the other is wrapped around your throat. it serves as an anchor for him to hold onto. 

as if you’d ever drift away without him. 

your eyes find his, heavy-lidded and pupils blown so wide the black nearly swallows his honeyed irises. he’s fucking into you with such torturous slow strokes it leaves your head spinning. the tender drag of his cock forms a sharp contrast with his filthy words. everything about felix is a contradiction, it seems. angelic face and deep voice. bright smile and cruel grin. gentle boyfriend and sadistic lover. 

he’s a walking paradox and it’s addicting. 

“wish the others could see us like this. see how you beg me to fuck you. how you love it when i give it to you rough.” felix tightens his grip around your throat and your cunt clenches in response, earning a low chuckle from him. “you’d like them to watch, don't you? i knew it. my filthy little kitten. always so predictable.”

he kisses the tip of your nose. there it is again, that juxtaposition. and as much as you love it when he’s sweet to you, nothing makes you feel quite as light and floaty as when he’s treating you roughly. 

“lix, harder, please…” you’re not sure if you mean the way he’s grinding against you, or his hand squeezing your neck, or his vulgar words. you want everything all at once. 

when he pulls out you pout at the sudden emptiness. “turn around, kitten. ass up,” he instructs and you flip yourself onto your stomach, back arching for him. ready and eager. 

“such a pretty pussy.” felix admires the way your juices coat your thighs. he’ll never tire of the sight. with the flat of his hand he lands a quick spank on your clit and you cry out at the sting. the sharp pain bleeds into pleasure, settling deep in your core.

“look at you, baby. always dripping for me. want me to give you some more?” 

his hands knead your ass, spreading your cheeks so he can spit in your hole. you wiggle your hips a little to encourage him. 

“use your words, kitten. tell me what you want.” felix smears his saliva all over your glistening cunt. he gives your clit a soft tap with his fingers and you jolt. even the smallest of touches feels so fucking good, but it’s not enough to snap the thread coiling in your tummy. “you like it when i hurt you?”

“yes, m-more, please—ahh,” you gasp when he immediately complies, spanking your clit harshly in rapid succession. 

you’re whimpering and moaning, hands clawing at the sheets while felix lands slap after slap on your swollen cunt. “‘s good, lixie, don’t stop… ‘m gonna cum…” 

there’s drool on his sheets but you don’t care, too fucked out to focus on anything else but the pleasure he’s granting you. felix alternates his harsh slaps with merciful brushes of his fingers, circling your entrance before spanking your engorged clit again.

“let go, kitten. gonna fuck you through it… fill you up with my cum, stuff your pretty pussy until you’re so full of me you cannot think of anything else,” felix growls, voice dropping even lower than usual. there’s a sliver of desperation in the grittiness, his cock no doubt weeping and aching for you. 

you cum with his name on your lips and your face buried into the mattress. bliss spreads through your body while your cunt twitches around nothing until felix pushes into you with one smooth stroke, your walls clamping down around him. “fuck, you feel so good, i’m not gonna last long—”

you feel so full, cunt still sensitive from his rough treatment. before you know it another orgasm washes over you as the head of his cock kisses your gummy spot. it’s nearly too much this time, your body already going slack before the convulsions have stopped. “that’s my good girl, take it, take my cum,” felix grits out before emptying himself deep inside of you. 

he pulls out and massages your legs, gently lowering you down onto the bed. “you did so well, kitten,” he smiles at your spent form. “let me get you cleaned up.”

in your fuzzy daze you miss his devious smirk when he lowers himself to the bed, pushing your thighs apart and licking a long stripe from your clit to your ass. he laps at the mixture of cum spilling from your hole, chuckling when you sob in oversensitivity as he sucks on your clit. “stay still, love,” felix warns you. “i need to get every drop.” 

it doesn’t take long for the familiar pleasure to build in your core again and you spread your legs wider, arching your hips against his face. no matter how much pain and pleasure he inflicts on you, it’s never enough. “there she is again,” felix murmurs in amusement and presses a soft kiss to your pussy. “my needy little kitten.”

[justdiptych]

Trans issues are rarely brought up in the Fallout series. Fallout 2′s cut Environmental Protection Agency location was apparently slated to include 'Top Secret Research into Gender Modification', but there's little suggestion what that content would have actually included. Also, the pre-war USA was a fascist hellscape that was actively hostile to human rights - witness, for example, a federal information release about the New Plague, which conflates contagion, socialism and queer sexuality, and encourages readers to report anyone displaying any of the above for 'quarantine' - so pre-war trans communities likely drew as little attention to themselves as possible. More recently, two non-binary characters (Burke and Orlando) have been introduced in Fallout 76's expansions; their roles have been relatively minor.

All that said… the Auto-Doc technology we see in Fallout 2 and New Vegas would be an absolute boon for trans patients. Auto-Docs can synthesise and administer medications, including hormone treatments (the models in the Sierra Madre Villa Clinic can dispense adrenaline, for instance). Any medications not already available can be added to the Auto-Doc's database by a knowledgeable user - this is how the cure to Jet addiction is manufactured in Vault City.

Auto-Docs are also capable of all manner of surgeries. Cosmetic surgery is not unheard of in the Fallout universe - Rivet City’s Horace Pinkerton and Diamond City’s doctors Crocker and Sun all offer it - but Auto-Docs can go even further. Advanced models can even alter a patient’s entire skeleton, with minimal scarring: Fallout 2′s Chosen One can can have their skeleton reinforced, without any Charisma penalty (unless they opt for the heavier, more invasive upgrade), and New Vegas’ Courier can have their spine and central nervous system replaced with a synthetic alternative. Auto-Docs can even give a patient a new voice - Christine Royce tragically had this done to her without her consent, but this does demonstrate show the procedure’s viability for a willing user.

Whether or not the major medical companies of the Falloutverse would sign off on such uses of their tech, breaking and customising Auto-Doc programming seems to have been a simple matter. A suitably sympathetic or motivated physician could have easily started a trans health clinic that could address the bulk of their patients’ medical needs - hormone treatment, surgery far more advanced than exists in the real world, and even voice alteration.

In short, there is absolute, copper-bottomed, canon-compliant room in the wasteland for fully automated transing of genders, and I hope the devs will recognise and embrace this fact.

[jessicalprice]

christian universalism strikes again

(Reposted from Twitter)

So a rabbi I know came back from LA pretty jazzed about a Jewish addiction treatment facility there called Beit T'shuvah and so we talked about their approach and that got me curious about non-AA approaches to dealing with addiction which, my friends, was fascinating.

I’ll admit that almost everything I know about AA is more or less from The West Wing. I'm fortunate in that no one in my immediate family has dealt with substance abuse issues, and as far as I know, none of my close friends are alcoholics. My knowledge is pop culture knowledge.

But hearing about Beit T’shuvah was very interesting to me because:

I'd heard that a lot of people who aren't Christian have a hard time with AA because it's so Christian.

The difference in philosophy was subtle at first glance but actually paralleled a lot of the differences between Judaism and Christianity if you dug into it.

Anyway, I got curious about whether success rates were different for Christians vs. non-Christians and started googling. I didn't find much in the way of the data I was looking for, but I did find something a lot more disturbing, which is that the whole 12-step thing is not science-based. At all. For example:

The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse compared the current current state of addiction treatment to medicine in the early 1900s, when there weren't a lot of standards for who could practice medicine. In order to be a substance abuse counselor in many states, you don't need much more than a GED or high school diploma.

A 2006 survey found "no experimental studies unequivocally demonstrated the effectiveness of AA or TSF approaches for reducing alcohol dependence or problems."

And I want to make clear here that I'm not saying AA is bad--clearly it's helped people. The problem is that it's touted as a universal approach, which is a problem when it's not based on any sort of actual science. 

AA claims that its success rates for people who "really try" are 75%. (And boy does that mirror gaslighting diet language.) But the most precise study out there that's NOT coming from AA (https://amazon.com/dp/B00FIMWI1O) put actual success rates at 5-8%. One of the major textbooks on treating addiction ranks it at 38th out of 48 on its list of effective treatments.

So just like most fad diets, it fails for almost everyone who tries it, and then blames the individual for its failure.

A glaring issue is that the 12 steps don't really acknowledge--or provide any guidance or structure for dealing with--other mental/emotional health issues. That’s a giant problem when people with substance abuse issues have higher than average rates of those issues. (Take a moment to consider how the victim-blaming approach of “if you didn’t succeed, it’s because you didn’t try hard enough” is going to intersect with someone’s major depression.)

Now, if 12-step programs were just one available treatment approach out of many, this wouldn’t be that big of an issue.

But 12% of AA members are there because of court orders. Our legal system is requiring people to undergo treatment that is: 

Christian-based

Not scientifically supported

A failure for the vast majority of people

I mean, here's a pretty comprehensive breakdown that talks about the lack of scientific support for it, alternative treatments (like those in Finland, and naltrexone), and the fundamentalist origins of AA. 

The founder was a member of the Oxford Group, an evangelical organization that taught that all human problems stemmed from fear and selfishness, and could be solved by turning your life over to divine providence, basically. Sound familiar? He based AA on those principles, and given that the only alternative was "drying out" in a sanatorium, and that AA members would show up at bedsides there and invite inpatients to meetings, it must have looked really enlightened to people. In 2022, it bears a queasy resemblance to evangelizing to people in prison, literally a captive audience. 

To be fair--to their credit--they were some of the first people out there saying alcoholism was a disease, and not a moral failing. But they didn’t treat it like a disease when it came to testing treatment options:

Mann also collaborated with a physiologist named E. M. Jellinek. Mann was eager to bolster the scientific claims behind AA, and Jellinek wanted to make a name for himself in the growing field of alcohol research. In 1946, Jellinek published the results of a survey mailed to 1,600 AA members. Only 158 were returned. Jellinek and Mann jettisoned 45 that had been improperly completed and another 15 filled out by women, whose responses were so unlike the men’s that they risked complicating the results. From this small sample—98 men—Jellinek drew sweeping conclusions about the “phases of alcoholism,” which included an unavoidable succession of binges that led to blackouts, “indefinable fears,” and hitting bottom. Though the paper was filled with caveats about its lack of scientific rigor, it became AA gospel.

And then Senator Harold Hughes, who was an AA member, got Congress to establish the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, which promoted AA's beliefs, and sometimes suppressed research that conflicted with them:

In 1976, for instance, the Rand Corporation released a study of more than 2,000 men who had been patients at 44 different NIAAA-funded treatment centers. The report noted that 18 months after treatment, 22 percent of the men were drinking moderately. The authors concluded that it was possible for some alcohol-dependent men to return to controlled drinking. Researchers at the National Council on Alcoholism charged that the news would lead alcoholics to falsely believe they could drink safely. The NIAAA, which had funded the research, repudiated it. Rand repeated the study, this time looking over a four-year period. The results were similar.

The standard 28-day rehab stay, prescribed and insured:

Marvin D. Seppala, the chief medical officer at the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation in Minnesota, one of the oldest inpatient rehab facilities in the country, described for me how 28 days became the norm: “In 1949, the founders found that it took about a week to get detoxed, another week to come around so [the patients] knew what they were up to, and after a couple of weeks they were doing well, and stable. That’s how it turned out to be 28 days. There’s no magic in it.”

The last sentence here (bolded for emphasis) is especially chilling. 

That may be heartening, but it’s not science. As the rehab industry began expanding in the 1970s, its profit motives dovetailed nicely with AA’s view that counseling could be delivered by people who had themselves struggled with addiction, rather than by highly trained (and highly paid) doctors and mental-health professionals. No other area of medicine or counseling makes such allowances.

There is no mandatory national certification exam for addiction counselors. The 2012 Columbia University report on addiction medicine found that only six states required alcohol- and substance-abuse counselors to have at least a bachelor’s degree and that only one state, Vermont, required a master’s degree. Fourteen states had no license requirements whatsoever—not even a GED or an introductory training course was necessary—and yet counselors are often called on by the judicial system and medical boards to give expert opinions on their clients’ prospects for recovery.

And, again, the idea that this is the One True And Only Way to deal with alcohol abuse leads to medical professionals ignoring research and treatment options that could be helping people. They are, in essence, taking all this completely on faith. 

There has been some progress: the Hazelden center began prescribing naltrexone and acamprosate to patients in 2003. But this makes Hazelden a pioneer among rehab centers. “Everyone has a bias,” Marvin Seppala, the chief medical officer, told me. “I honestly thought AA was the only way anyone could ever get sober, but I learned that I was wrong.”

Stephanie O’Malley, a clinical researcher in psychiatry at Yale who has studied the use of naltrexone and other drugs for alcohol-use disorder for more than two decades, says naltrexone’s limited use is “baffling.”

“There was never any campaign for this medication that said, ‘Ask your doctor,’ ” she says. “There was never any attempt to reach consumers.” Few doctors accepted that it was possible to treat alcohol-use disorder with a pill. And now that naltrexone is available in an inexpensive generic form, pharmaceutical companies have little incentive to promote it.

I'm not saying that AA is bad. I'm saying its hegemony is bad. It clearly is effective for some people--a minority of people. But it's not for the majority of people, and that's a problem when it's being prescribed by courts (and doctors) as if it's a one-size-fits-all approach.

It’s not an accident that a Christian approach to treating addiction presents itself as the One True Way For All Humankind, insists that courts and doctors privilege it, demands that people take its effectiveness on faith, and blames anyone for whom it doesn’t work for not believing/trying hard enough.

Hegemony is a problem. 

(Photo credit: Pixabay)

[payasita]

Good job getting ADHD medication! I’m so proud of you :D

thanks so so much im very happy and so hopeful for the first time maybe ever but also it TOOK ME LIKE. A YEAR. A YEAR.

like yall for real?? for real. for real i have been diagnosed since i was like six. (funny story my teacher thought i was on the spectrum so my parents get me tested with the nodes and shit and according to mom, who loves this story, my neurologist did all that and talked to me and then just turned to my mom and went "she's not autistic. she just hates the other kids" but they DID find an adhd diagnosis in there so net win for all of us)

diagnosed since i was SIX. on stimulants until i turned 8, and you know why i got off em? my pediatrician retired. we could not find another who would take our low-income insurance. so i just had to rawdog The Rest Of My Fucking Life. diagnosed when i was six. legally neurodivergent for 20 slutty slutty angry years.

and it still took me like. a few months to get a psych appointment. a few weeks to reaffirm my diagnosis as an adult. a few more weeks for another appointment for meds. he doesnt Want to do meds first, because i must have been doing fine without them if its been two decades, right? i got a job and a car and everything. well gee fuckin shittickers Dr. Brain Guy, just WHAT was my alternative? would you prefer i be maladapted to the point of incapacitation; is that what it takes for someone to be considered? i cheated my way through school. every day after work i sit for an hour in my car because i dont have the executive function to stand up and walk the ten steps to my house. garbage just appears around me. i have three empty bags of hot chip and two cans of sprite on my desk as we speak, neither from today. at that point i hadnt had a debit card for six months because that would have required me to Drive To The Bank, a location that was new to me in this area, so i just did everything on credit. is this all normal? is this fine? am i GOOD, actually, Dr. WeirdBrain?

so we cordially agree that yes i should probably be medicated. i want to do a stimulant. he does not want to put me on a stimulant. "stimulants can mess with your heart," he says, "and you're young, you don't want heart problems." i say ok because i dont want to make him think im just looking for narcotics. even though i am. because they WORK. i agree to try some kind of antidepressant.

the antidepressant gives me tachycardia. i go to the emergency room after reading a heartbeat of, oh, 140 bpm, which is about like double what it normally is and juuuust below the You Are Having A Heart Attack threshold. i get to the ER and the doctor there is very obviously convinced i'm a local addict having some sort of episode. it is the most ironic experience i've had all year and i feel an abrupt and all consuming kinship with those birds in australia that will swoop you and peck at your face for seemingly no good reason.

so yeah, we narrow it down to the antidepressant. as it turns out, these particular meds are known to, semi-commonly, Mess With Your Heart. i have my next appointment with my psych and somehow refrain from pecking his eyes out. he puts me on a noreprinephrine inhibitor(iirc) that isnt actually FDA approved to treat ADHD specifically(i DEFINITELY rc) but it IS given to smokers to help them quit. i dont smoke. i may very well fucking start before this whole ordeal is at the point where someone listens to me

it obviously does a combined total of jack and shit, and the man waffles with this one because he has "had success" using it as treatment for other ADHD patients. he ups the dose. twice. three months on the smoker meds, which are also apparently notorious for destroying your appetite, but they didnt even do THAT. no change to the average amount of hot chip on my desk.

he wants to try quelbree after that. i finally tell him i'm tired of this shit and would like to have more than two hours of usable daylight to function before it all falls to uncontrollable youtube shorts binges and a daily experience i like to call The Weighted Nothings and i would very much like to PLEASE. TRY A STIMULANT.

he's been friendly enough with me over these past four or five or whatever months but at this he gets suddenly very very business-baseline. gives me the whole spiel about the north american shortage. gives me a spiel about how i absolutely cannot, under any circumstances, lose or sell this medication, because they will not refill it if i do. i am sitting here wondering if he he's telling the truth about having other ADHD patients at all like ever in his career, and also, am i nuts or should the "don't sell your prescription drugs" bit apply to EVERYTHING? i dont fuckin know man i just live here

he says he wants a urine test first. its scheduled for two weeks out. i take it.

"hey uh, your piss came back with cannabis in it" "well it'd be weirder if it didn't, we are in california and i am a kitchen manager" "you can't have weed if you want adderall" "fine i'll stop" "we'll schedule you another test in a month" "aight bet" it didnt go exactly like that but this is kind of what the vibe between us has devolved into by this point.

anyway i wait a month and get a good grade in piss. i get the meds prescribed. i go to fill out the prescription

all i really need to say to you are the words "prior authorization error" for most of you to get what happened next.

the psych isnt even aware. i wait another month for our next meeting, which was yesterday. i do not yell at him. he tells me to take it up with the pharmacy, and yell at them. i am going to yell at them.

so i go, and guess what, it actually went through a while ago! NO ONE TOLD ME OR DR. FEEL-BAD OVER HERE. but we can't fill it right now because its a controlled substance so come back in a few hours. hey it's ready where the hell are you? TAKE YOUR METH AND GET OUT

anyway i started it today, reorganized my pantry, and fixed the fire alarm in my hallway that's been chirping at me for a week. i no longer have to wear earplugs to bed.

and with my newfound executive function superpowers, i will be spraying my weed-free piss all over Reagan's grave.

[cringefailvox]

i enjoy huskerdust aus where husk is still an overlord as much as the next guy, but i tend to be a little annoyed by a lot of these aus' implications that husk would be a "better owner" (yikes) than valentino, or just the erasure of the power imbalance / consent issues that would be rampant in these scenarios (though again i still like them and find them fun!!), and i won't totally rehash my opinions about husk's character here but i will say something i WOULD be more interested in, alternatively, is an au where overlord husk swindles val and wins angel's soul, and it doesn't change anything. husk is still a gambler with no regard for the souls on his chain beyond how they can be useful fodder in the next game. angel is still owned by a capricious master who couldn't care less about him and doesn't see him as an autonomous person with needs & desires that matter. husk makes all the same mistakes until he's sitting across from alastor with a chain around his neck, having sold out angel and every other soul in his pocket to the radio demon to feed his own addiction, finally getting a taste of his own medicine.

a situation, then, where angel and husk's souls are both owned by alastor, and in a sick way they're finally on even footing—both on a psychopath's leash, both powerless, both unmitigated losers. angel gets to finally be meaningfully angry at husk, and husk finally has to reckon with the consequences of his actions, how he's destroyed both of their lives with his own reckless greed. husk having to come to terms with a status quo that angel has been intimately familiar with for decades. alastor's sheer glee at the tension between them, finding husk abominably distasteful and feeling only vague, distant pity for angel—though not enough pity to ever think of letting angel go.

the delicious cycles of violence happening here... alastor on his own leash, turning around and tormenting husk to displace his helpless fury; husk, who'd once owned angel, grappling with newfound guilt over his treatment of angel + a conflicting, nauseating wish to go back to how things used to be, when he didn't care about how any of his souls felt; and angel, who has been an object for so long he's almost forgotten what it means to be free. this is a nightmare situation. and niffty is hanging around too

[markllockwood]

Addiction Recovery Rewired

We have it all backwards and skyrocketing addiction problems are a result. We explore how to treat what lies beneath the mask of the addictive personality is the journey we need to conquer.

We have it all backwards and skyrocketing addiction problems are a result. We explore how to treat what lies beneath the mask of the addictive personality is the journey we need to conquer. In this article on Addiction Recovery Rewired we look at Treating the Cause not the Consequences. What’s happening when we treat addiction today is not working. In fact, it’s getting worse, and we’re starting…

[lifeafterartsch00l]

My fav sns smut

or some of it anyway

If Naruto x Sasuke fking nasty is your ☕️

I tried to find all these beloved authors to tag them, but I couldn’t find them all, if you know who they are, plz tag them! Let’s share the ❤️

In no particular order

Healing the Broken by KizuKatana

When people tell me about smut they read in printed books I’m like

Because it’s fics like these that amaze me with their ingenuity, creativity, originality, and boldness 🔥🔥🔥

AKA

This fic isn’t just PWP (although that’s fine too in my book), it’s so well written with character development, action & romance ❤️‍🔥 Predators by the same author is also excellent 👌🏽

Thx u @kizukatana 😊

“Chapters: 23/23

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Underage

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto

Characters: Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke

Additional Tags: Angst, SPOILERS MANGA CHAPTER 693, Drug Use, sex during drug use, Canon-Typical Violence, canon!sasuke, canon!naruto, Addiction, Slash, narusasunaru, Fix-It, my version of how it should have ended, Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, NSFW, Smut

Series: Part 1 of HTB universe

Summary: The war is over, and Sasuke is brought back to the village after his defeat by Naruto. But he is struggling to re-assimilate into the village. As his mental stability continues to erode, Tsunade and Kakashi ask Naruto to try a different treatment method. Naruto x Sasuke (slash - boy x boy). Post manga chapter 693.

Warning: Hard Yaoi (Boy x Boy) language, angst, mental illness, substance abuse, masturbation, eventual sex. Not appropriate for young readers. 18+

Disclaimer - As with everything I write on this site, I don't own the characters (Kishimoto does), and I make no money. My only payment is in reviews.

Spanish Translation by Linme (thank you!) “

[doujinshi] My Lost Himawari by SouthNorthSound

Me, to the artist (and English translator) of this visually stunning and well written doujinshi -

Seriously. It’s amazing. The visual metaphors. The angst. The way the artist can simply draw a single panel of a close-up Uchiha eye that is so outrageously sultry and sexy I don’t understand 🥵 one of the extra chapters unlocked something in me (the dream one). Bonus that it’s also really funny & has a lot of respect/empathy for its women characters too! If anyone knows who this artist plz let me know I would like to follow them until the end of the world ❤️ the ending healed me 💔

EDIT HOLY S*** GUYS I FOUND THE TRANSLATOR & ARTIST ON TUMBLR

Thx u @southnorthsound 😭❤️🫡🙇🏻‍♀️

Thx u @gigihorseinthehouse 😭 I love you I low key think you’re a genius ok sorry bye 👉🏽👈🏽

"https://archiveofourown.org/works/36581581

[doujinshi] My Lost Himawari by SouthNorthSound

Chapters: 60/60

Fandom: Naruto, Boruto: Naruto Next Generations

Rating: Mature

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto

Characters: Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura, Hyuuga Hinata, Uchiha Sarada, Uzumaki Boruto, Uzumaki Himawari, Hatake Kakashi, Nara Shikamaru, Temari (Naruto), Nara Shikadai, Akimichi Chouchou, Gaara (Naruto)

Additional Tags: Fanart, Fan Comics, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, SasuNaru - Freeform, NaruSasu - Freeform, Translation, Doujinshi, Fix-It, how it should have ended, Angst, If you don’t understand how they ended up like that in Boruto READ THIS, Poetic, comedic, Loyal to canon, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, NSFW Art, Sex

Summary: A love story consists of different perspectives and different memories. It’s about saudade / realization / entanglement / out of control / hope / restart

Chapter700 background

Warning: adult content in extra chapters

Fan comics, doujinshi. It's highly recommended to read it on big screens such as iPad or PC. So you can see details about their facial expressions

One of the best Naruto fanart I’ve ever seen. So I translated it ❤”

Inevitablity by Sanauria_Maldhun

If the answer is

A) Yes

B) Kinda

C) Mind your own business rando internet pervert

Congrats all answers are correct = GO READ IT PLZ

Possessive & desperate 🥵 super gay, delicious angst, really hot 🔥 very enjoyable - fun tropes, everything hits just right, utter perfection ❤️ I’m not saying a lot because I don’t want to give away spoilers 😍

I couldn’t find this author on tumblr, plz tag in the comments if you know who they are!

“Chapters: 4/4

Rating: Explicit

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura/Yamanaka Ino

Characters: Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke, Yamanaka Ino, Haruno Sakura

Additional Tags: Fake/Pretend Relationship, (between Ino and Naruto), Mutual Pining, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Banter, Domesticity, Pining, Naruto is so in love, and doesn't know how to handle his Feelings, Jealousy, Jealous Sasuke, Jealous Sakura, Post-Chapter 699 (Naruto), Explicit Sexual Content, Anal Sex, Gay Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Bottom Uzumaki Naruto, Top Uchiha Sasuke

Summary: Naruto's stressed and pining after a man who views him only as a friend. Deciding to get married to Ino isn't the best decision he's made (ever), given that they had been absolutely drunk while making such a declaration, but it's... a decision. Besides, what does he have to lose?”

You’ve gotten into my bloodstream (a bite of his heart) by lovenmaze

Nom nom nom 😉 kidding! Not literal cannibalism, it’s a metaphor for love, and this fic is beautiful 😍 poetic & sexy. One shot. Love how Naruto talks to Sasuke in this one (and makes him talk, too, hehe…) 🥵 delicious, please go tuck into this feast ❤️ author made an excellent fic playlist too!

Thx u @lovenmaze 😊

“https://archiveofourown.org/works/56430019

Chapters: 1/1

Rating: Not Rated

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto

Characters: Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto

Additional Tags: Cannibalistic Thoughts, Cannibalism imagery, First Time, Top Uzumaki Naruto, Bottom Uchiha Sasuke, Tender Sex, Blank Period (Naruto), Confessions, Idiots in Love, Not Beta Read, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Oral Sex, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Sex, Eventual Fluff, Fluff and Smut, they’re both crazy about each other but thats not new, Poetic, Italicized Oh Moment, cannibalism as a metaphor for love, trust me it works and its SO good, consent is sexy !!!, lowkey vampire sasuke vibes

Summary: Sasuke tries to bite softly, he’s not going to eat him, maybe get a taste. Perhaps it’s stupid, but he wants to make sure, so he does. He opens his mouth, tongue touching the skin. His body shudders, and Naruto tastes warm, like skin or flesh; he tastes alive.

“A kiss is the beginning of cannibalism.”

AKA, The tender, fluffy, first-time, cannibalism (imagery), smut NaruSasu AU. [EDITED.]”

❤️Thx all u amazing authors u make me feel like this❤️

[m1ckeyb3rry]

── THE GLASS PRINCESS // EIGHTEEN

Series Synopsis: You wake up in a strange room with no memories, broken glass at your bedside, and a prince named Zuko as your only chance at figuring out who you really are.

Chapter Synopsis: You reunite with the rest of the Avatar’s group and spend some time with Sokka.

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Zuko x Reader

Chapter Word Count: 5.2k

Content Warnings: complicated relationships (strangers to friends to lovers to enemies to strangers to lovers to enemies to lovers), amnesia, alternate universe, lots of secrets and lying and mystery

A/N: very dialogue heavy chapter incoming LMAOAO this is like 90% sokka & y/n conversing (meanwhile zuko and suki somewhere: 🤨😒)

“Well, well, well,” Katara said, crossing her arms and glaring at Toph and Sokka. “I thought the two of you promised you were done with scamming, but judging by your expressions, that’s exactly what you just came back from doing.”

“It was our final hurrah!” Sokka said. “One last scam before we reformed for good, as you will.”

“You guys are addicted,” Katara said. “It’s a problem.”

“Nuh-uh! It’s just that it’s like gambling,” Toph said. “You can’t stop until you hit the jackpot!”

“And boy oh boy did we hit the jackpot, alright!” Sokka cheered, shoving you in front of him, holding onto your shoulders like a proud father. “Take a look at this — the princess of the Earth Kingdom!”

“Huh?” Katara said, her eyes widening as you waved at her awkwardly.

There was a blast of air, and then Aang was standing in front of you, his jaw slack. He looked different — where once he had kept his head shaved, in keeping with the tradition of the Air Nomads, he now had dark, curly hair tied out of his face with a headband that handily covered his arrow mark. Like the others, he wore Fire Nation clothes, and you found that the blacks and reds were particularly jarring on him. If it were not for his large, shimmering eyes and enormous, crooked grin, you might not have recognized him at all, but as it was, there was no mistaking him for anyone else.

“Princess Y/N? You’re alive?” he said, beaming at you. Sokka shook you by the shoulders.

“She is, and we only found out because of that final scam! So, Katara, you should be happy with us,” he said.

While it was certainly uncomfortable to be treated as Sokka’s demonstrative tool, you were somehow comforted by it. There was a sort of acceptance, a friendship in the way he was tossing you about. It was the kind of relationship you had always longed for, so you did not swat him away despite his rough treatment.

“I don’t understand, though. Your brother told us you were dead,” Katara said. “The Soldiers of Agni collapsed the wing of the palace where the royal chambers were, didn’t they?”

“No,” you said. “I did. Didn’t Kuei tell you I’m an Earthbender? I brought the palace down so that the Soldiers of Agni could not pursue my brother.”

“He did mention it, but he didn’t say anything about how strong you were,” Aang said.

“Likely he didn’t know,” you said. “That, and I’m not really as skilled as it might seem. There were…a lot of circumstances surrounding that feat.”

“Either way, an entire section of a building came down upon you,” Katara said, her face softening as she pulled you into a gentle embrace. “Are you alright?”

“I managed to survive,” you said. “I’m still not quite sure how it all played out, but somehow, I ended up in the Fire Nation capital, which is where I’ve been since the city fell.”

“The Fire Nation capital?” Sokka said in alarm as Katara let you go. You returned to Sokka’s side, for he had somehow become like a beacon of safety for you. A rescuer. He always bumbled his way into — not into saving you, but into somehow taking your hand and yanking you behind him to the very place you needed to be. And at the moment, when you were so lost, such a person was invaluable.

“I attended the Royal Fire Academy for Girls, under the alias of Ursa,” you said, still barely able to say the name without seething. “The best way I can describe the situation is by saying that I was a prisoner of Prince Zuko’s, no matter how well he treated me. I was denied access to my memories so that I did not flee, and refused my identity so that I did not rebel. It is only through sheer chance and luck that I was able to escape at all.”

“They wiped your memories?” Toph said. “Yikes.”

“I got them back,” you said, gritting your teeth. “But enough of the past. It doesn’t matter. I’m here now, and I will retake my kingdom. If Kuei is alive, as you say he is, then we must meet up with him at once, so that we can begin to strategize about how we should best take back Ba Sing Se. At the moment, I’m leaning towards the day of the black sun, as the eclipse will ensure the resident Firebenders cannot fight back. Although, that doesn’t solve the problem of the Dai Li…”

“Er, there’s a slight issue with that,” Sokka said. “None of us know where your brother is.”

You paused, your train of thought screeching to an abrupt halt. “What?”

“It was when we reached the Southern Water Tribe’s fleet that it happened,” Katara said. “We got off of Appa and told the Earth King to come with us onto one of the boats, where he would be safe, but he refused.”

“Why would he do that? He’s never been the brave type. Turning his nose up at a guarantee of safety is out of his character, even if he did have Bosco at his side,” you said. “Wait. He did have Bosco, right?”

“I don’t think anything in the world could separate him from that bear,” Toph scoffed.

“Likely not,” you agreed.

“He said that he couldn’t let your sacrifice be in vain,” Sokka said.

“That is to say, he didn’t want you to have died for nothing. You had given up your life for the Earth Kingdom, and yet it had fallen regardless. He couldn’t handle it. He swore he would do something, find some kind of retribution, and then he just—”

“He just vanished!“ Sokka completed, cutting Katara off, prompting her to roll her eyes at him. He wiggled his fingers at you. “Poof, like magic!”

“He rode away on Bosco,” Toph said. “I’m blind, and even I know that much.”

“I was trying to tell the story with dramatic effect!” Sokka said, pouting at you. “No one appreciates my storytelling skills around here.”

Tentatively, you patted him on the shoulder. “I am very entertained.”

“Oh, brother. You’ve unleashed a monster,” Aang said. “Good luck.”

“Going back to the original line of thinking,” you said, though not without furrowing your brow at Aang in confusion at his defeated tone. “Kuei. He really just disappeared?”

“We saw him ride away on Bosco—”

“No, we didn’t!”

“—but we don’t know where he went or what he’s doing now,” Katara said, not even blinking at Sokka’s interjection. “He didn’t tell us. I mean, he could be anywhere by now, and who knows what he’s up to? It’s a mystery. I wish we could help you find him, but we have to focus our efforts on preparing for the invasion.”

You frowned. So, then, Kuei was alive, but that was the extent of the knowledge you had about his whereabouts. It had to be enough, because it was all you could get, but though you held the proof of his continued existence close to your heart, it still rang hollow. Because what if things had changed? What if he had been captured in the days since you had seen him last?

There was only one thing you could do: trust in him wholly and completely. Your dear brother, who had miraculously escaped Ba Sing Se during its fall and survived to find the Avatar, was obviously not as helpless as you had originally thought him to be. If he had lived until that point, then you had to believe that he would continue to do so.

And with regards to what you had to do next…there, too, only one method was clear. If you wanted your kingdom back, if you wanted to see your brother again, then you could not charge into an attack blindly, with no planning or support. You had to be careful, thorough, logical.

Taking a quick inventory of your current assets as you had been taught to do in the academy, you found that the outlook was grim. An injured hawk. Some clothes. Letters from a person you hated. A version of Earthbending. These were the things which were fully your own.

In terms of allies, you had Katara, Sokka, Aang, and Toph, as well as their associates, but all of them were focused solely on the invasion, where they planned on taking the Fire Nation royalty down. Until that objective had been completed, you could not count on their help. Destroying the Fire Nation royalty, though, would also aid your case, so this wasn’t something you begrudged them for. In fact, you were even pleased by it, as it at least made your immediate steps clearly defined.

“What can I do to help?” you said.

“With what?” Sokka said.

“The invasion,” you said. “There must be some way that I can participate. It is a nation for which I hold a special hatred, so you cannot blame me for wanting to aid you in taking them down.”

“It’s too dangerous,” Katara said immediately. “What if you get captured again? Or if you die for real this time?”

“It would be a problem,” you said. “Since Kuei’s status is uncertain, he is effectively dead, at least in the legal sense, leaving me as the only one left to rule upon the retaking of the Earth Kingdom. I understand that. It would be foolish to risk a future monarch, but that doesn’t mean I’ll sit idly by and let others fight my battles. I’ve spent my entire life locked away like that, and I refuse to be as useless ever again.”

Katara cocked her head at you quizzically. “I guess all of that is true as well, but actually, I was just worried about you.”

“You shouldn’t be,” you said. “I’ve probably killed thrice as many people as the rest of you. Don’t forget that all but one of the Soldiers of Agni fell at my hands, and even that one has a body so ruined that he cannot be considered anything but pitiful now. The most elite Firebending force in the world, and it was destroyed by me. Even though it was an extreme case, and probably not a replicable one, it’s not meaningless, either. I’m not someone you need to worry for.”

“It’s not,” Aang said. “It’s really impressive. But Katara’s right — involving you in the invasion outright isn’t a good idea. I don’t want to risk anyone if it’s avoidable, and since our plans already don’t factor you in, there’s no point in adding you if it’s unnecessary.”

You wanted to argue, but no matter how much you disliked it, you knew that what they were saying wasn’t wrong. Getting involved with the invasion when things were so precarious already was foolhardy, but that didn’t mean that it sat well with you.

“Alright,” you said. “I will not insist on it, just as long as you can promise me one thing.”

“Sure, what?” Aang said, cheerful at how easily convinced you had been.

“Don’t kill Prince Zuko,” you said.

“Don’t kill him?” Katara said. “Why wouldn’t you want us to do that? He’s hurt you immeasurably!”

“Obviously, she respects the value and sanctity of life!” Aang said, smiling and nodding in a self-satisfied way. “Consider it done, Y/N.”

“No,” you said. “It’s because I have a score to settle with him, and I want to do it personally.”

“Oh,” Aang said. “That’s not what I was hoping for.”

“I’m sorry, Aang,” you said. “I respect your ideals; I admire them, even, but at the end of the day, I cannot share them. It’s selfish, perhaps, and vengeful, but the truth is that I want Prince Zuko to live through the invasion, for no other reason than because the one to kill him has to be me.”

The moon was a silver gash in the velvet sky, surrounded by pinpricks of starlight that matched it in color. It reflected on the water that you gazed into as everyone slept, the silence of the night occasionally punctuated by a loud snore from Aang or mutters from Toph, who was apparently a sleep-talker.

Bian had taken to Momo and Appa, the flying lemur and bison that were Aang’s traveling companions. You had been worried that she might’ve tried to eat Momo, but whether it was her injured state or Momo’s intelligence, she had done nothing of the sort. In fact, she was overly affectionate towards him, preening his fur like he was her chick and forcing him to sleep tucked under the wing she had not broken. Even now, that was where she was, roosting on Appa’s broad forehead, Momo pressed to her side, and though you longed for her companionship, you did not dare wake her.

“What a turn of events,” you said with a sigh, hugging your knees to your chest and resting your cheek against them. “The greatest friend I have is my hawk, and even she has left me.”

You wished Jia-Li and Ty Lee were with you. It was counterintuitive, of course — they were Fire Nation, and your identity as Ursa and therefore as their friend was a false one, so any relationship that you had had with them could be considered nothing but a lie. But they were the closest to genuine friends that you had had in your life — especially the unassuming Jia-Li, who had not even had any hand in your past predicament.

At this point, you would even take Kaho. Cruel, horrible Kaho…you wished you could see her again and tell her that the fight she had sworn her life to was a worthless one. Now that you knew more, now that you had memories of your own, you did not detest her. You were only sad for her. You thought that if things had been different, the two of you might’ve been friends.

Or perhaps not. Perhaps you never would’ve been anything more than a daughter of mud to her. It was possible. You wished most of all that there had been a chance for you to find out how much of her hatred was her own, and how much was her being yet another mouthpiece for the Fire Nation’s doctrines.

“Having a tough time sleeping?”

You looked up at Sokka, who plopped down beside you, mirroring your position, though he stared up at the moon fondly instead of shying away from it.

“Yes,” you said.

“Me, too,” he admitted. “The closer and closer we get to the day of the invasion, the more and more scared I become. I mean, this is my plan. If it fails horribly, it’s my fault. Everyone’s risking their lives for an idea I came up with, and I don’t even know if it will work.”

You glanced over at him, only to find that he was no longer staring at the moon. When your eyes met his, he smiled slightly, and hesitantly, you smiled back.

“It doesn’t have to work,” you said.

“What? Yes, it does, or else the Fire Nation will win! If Aang can’t take Fire Lord Ozai down during the eclipse, then we’ve as good as lost,” he said.

“No wonder you’re so nervous,” you said. “You think that the outcome of this entire war is riding on one day, one event, but wars aren’t like that. Even if Fire Lord Ozai is defeated, someone will take his place. Be it Prince Zuko or some general who steps up to seize power in the ensuing confusion or another person entirely, things will not stop just because of one man’s death. The problems in the Fire Nation are rooted far more deeply than that.”

“What do you mean?” he said, his brow creasing.

“Propaganda,” you said. “Oppressive policies and laws. Prejudice. Children forced to become soldiers. An economy that, believe it or not, is falling apart because of the war. Education and literacy rates which are facing the same fate. To be sure, the Fire Nation is the aggressive party, but they, too, have been suffering for the past one hundred years. They, too, have deteriorated over the course of this great conflict; the difference is that these problems have led them to rally behind the leader of their government in the hopes that he will liberate them. Once, it was Fire Lord Sozin, and then it was Fire Lord Azulon, and now it is Fire Lord Ozai. Tomorrow, it may be someone else entirely, but mind you, it will be someone.”

He was quiet for a moment, mulling over your words before nodding, his shoulders dropping as he came to understand that you were right.

“They call my sister and I snow savages,” he said. You reached out, placed your hand atop his, which was rough and solid, cool to the touch and littered with scars. You did not try to grip it; you only let your own, which was warm and delicate in comparison, rest there on the back of his palm.

“I’m a daughter of mud, apparently,” you said. “They’re very creative here, aren’t they?”

He chuckled. “Yeah, you could say that.”

“It’s not that the entire Fire Nation is bad,” you said. “I lived amongst them, so I can say that with firsthand experience. The people are proud, but kind. It’s just that there are wider-scale issues which affect all of them and thus taint our perceptions of the country as a whole.”

“So what, then?” he said. “Is this invasion doomed? If it doesn’t even matter if we defeat Fire Lord Ozai, then why are we risking everything in pursuit of that goal?”

“You’re a smart boy,” you said. “Maybe you should mull it over for a few days and speak to me then.”

“But you think we should still invade?” he checked.

“I do,” you said. “I’m not some kind of spirit that would push you to make the wrong decision for my amusement. It’s the thinking behind it that’s flawed, the expected outcome that you need to consider. But those refinements can be made at a later date. At the moment, the bigger question is why you hold my opinion in such a high regard. It’s not as though I’m some military leader.”

“You studied at the greatest military academy in the world while you were in the Fire Nation,” he reminded you. “And, to be honest, you’re one of very few people who can claim to have actually dealt the Fire Nation a substantial blow over the course of the war. There’s no other, more qualified opinion than yours.”

“What a turn of events,” you said again, for lack of a better turn of phrase to describe your thoughts. “I wonder if he regrets it.”

“Who regrets what?” Sokka said, his hand flexing under yours, like he had considered grabbing it before changing his mind.

“Prince Zuko,” you said. “He’s the one who had the idea to send me to the Royal Fire Academy for Girls, after all. It’s by his design that I spent so long learning the ways of warfare and politics, which even before I did not understand as thoroughly as I do now.”

“Wow,” he said. “I knew he was dumb, but not that dumb. If he knew who you were, then why’d he have you enroll there? He had to have understood that you’d remember at some point, and that you’d use everything you’d learned against him.”

“I’m not sure,” you said. “That’s the final thing I want to ask him. Why did he do what he did? What was his reasoning, his thought process? I’m confused about it all. In the end, it doesn’t matter, but there’s an old part of me that’s curious nonetheless.”

Sokka was a good person. He didn’t question what you meant by that; he only hummed in agreement.

“When I was younger, my father taught me how to navigate using the stars,” he said after a bit, pointing at the sky. “He said that as long as you can find that star right there, as long as you can follow it, you’ll never be lost. You’ll always find your way back home.”

“I see it,” you said. “It’s beautiful.”

“Maybe it can help you,” he said.

“Hm?” you said.

“You’re pretty far from home, too, just like Katara and I. If we follow that star, though, then someday…” he trailed off helplessly, turning back to the moon.

“Someday, we can go back,” you said. “Yes, I believe that that’s true.”

“I’ll think about what you said,” he said, incredibly seriously. “About the invasion, and about winning. I’ll tell you what I’ve figured out before we go, okay?”

“I look forward to it,” you said.

“If I get it wrong, though, you have to tell me the right answer before we run into things looking like idiots,” he said.

“Of course,” you reassured him. “I’m not in the business of withholding information for no good reason — I just think that it will be beneficial for you to draw your own conclusions instead of solely relying on others. It’s likely you’ll come up with things that I missed, too, so it’s a collaborative exercise.”

“You’re pretty wise, considering you didn’t leave your palace that long ago,” he said.

“It’s as though I’ve lived a hundred lifetimes in such a short span,” you said. “Every minute I spent as Ursa aged me by years, I think.”

“That’s a pretty name, by the way,” he said. “Ursa.”

“Prince Zuko gave it to me,” you said. “I think they said it was his mother’s.”

“Never mind,” he said. “It’s not that pretty after all.”

You snorted. “Right.”

“Listen,” he said. “This is a little random, but since I’m pretty sure the others are well and truly asleep, I want to say it now: I think it’s a waste for you to not participate in the invasion.”

“Do you?” you said.

“Aang and Katara are right, of course — it is dangerous, and the less people that can get hurt, the better,” Sokka said. “But you’re also a really powerful ally, and it’s dumb of us if we don’t recognize that.”

“What are you suggesting? Shall I don a mask and dark clothing and sneak along for the ride?” you said.

“No, why would you do that?” he said.

“It’s a joke you wouldn’t understand,” you said. “Unless you’ve read The Mask of the Blue Spirit at some point?”

“I don’t think that one ever reached the Southern Water Tribe, sorry,” he said.

“It’s not that good, anyways. Sorry for interrupting,” you said.

“It’s fine. Now, like I was saying, you shouldn’t advertise the fact that you’re there or anything — unless you want to become a target — but I think that it’ll be better for you to be with us. At the moment, my only idea for your role is to have you stay with anyone that might get injured during the battle so that you can protect them,” he said.

“Defending the wounded?” you said. “I can get behind that.”

“So it’s a good idea?” he said.

“Don’t doubt yourself so much,” you said. “It’s a really good idea. In fact, I’d even dare to call it perfect. It also says something about your character.”

“Hopefully not something bad,” he said, cringing preemptively.

“It tells me you care about your people,” you said. “You want someone strong to defend them if they should fall. It’s a good way to ensure the loyalty and longevity of your army…but it’s also a sign that you’re the kind of leader anyone would be happy to follow. The kind of leader who has everyone’s best interests at heart, not just their own.”

He reddened. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know,” you said. “That’s what makes it so telling. Are you still too worried to sleep?”

“Not anymore,” he said. “Thanks, Y/N.”

“Ah, anytime,” you said.

“What about you?” he said. You shook your head ruefully.

“No, I’m still thinking,” you said.

“About what? You talked to me, so it’s only fair I do the same,” he said.

“There’s someone I miss,” you said. “Or, no. I miss who they used to be. Who I thought they were. It’s not who they really are, I know that now, but for a time, I really…well, I mean, it’s unimportant.”

“You loved them,” Sokka said. “I have no idea who you’re talking about, but it’s pretty obvious.”

“Yeah,” you said. “I did. It was the greatest mistake I could have ever made, but I made it.”

If only you had never escaped through Quynh’s doors. If only you had never gone into the city. If only you had done as you were told, then the kingdom never would’ve fallen. Things would be alright. Your selfish desires had driven Ba Sing Se to ruin, and yet here you sat, mourning the very catalyst which had turned the walls of the impenetrable city to dust.

“If you could say anything to them, what would it be?” he said.

“I’d wish for their death,” you said vehemently. Sokka flinched back in surprise, but you paid him no mind. “Don’t get confused. I have no affection nor fondness left in me for this person.”

“You talk about killing and stuff so easily,” he said.

“It’s not like I like it,” you said. “I cried after killing Captain Chhay. It was an overwhelming act, but my — my mother, she told me that in order to ensure peace, I had to mete out death in equal measure. She said that if a person threatened me or the people I love, then I could not allow them to exist. So, that’s that.”

“Your mother? I thought she was, uh, you know?” he said uncomfortably, gesturing with his hands to get his point across.

“She is,” you said. “I do not refer to the woman who brought me into this world but rather the great bear spirit, mother of the Earth Kingdom. Quynh.”

“Quynh?” he said, face scrunching in thought. “Wait, I think I know her story. Isn’t it the myth of the bear that ate too much and had to be locked away so that it did not devour the entire world?”

“No,” you said, giving him an incredulous look. “That was a serpent, not a bear, and besides, that’s a story from the Northern Water Tribe. Quynh was one of the founders of the Earth Kingdom, alongside Shan, who was my ancestor. She died during the construction of the palace, but she was brought back after Shan struck a deal with Father Glowworm, a deal which gave her immortality and the power of doors, amongst other things.”

“Oh, right,” Sokka said. “I’ve heard of this one, too.”

“She’s real,” you said. “I mentioned her once before, remember? Her power is the way that I managed to go into Ba Sing Se without anyone knowing, as well as how all of the servants and my brother escaped when the palace fell.”

“Yup, I remember!” he said.

“In the absence of my parents, she all but raised me. I miss her more than anyone, except Kuei,” you said. “Bar him, she was the closest thing to family I had, but unlike with him, I didn’t get to wish her anything even close to a farewell. The only consolation I have is that she knows I am alive, given that she can feel when members of Shan’s line die, and that she is alive, because as an immortal spirit, she is unkillable, and she resides in a place far beyond even the Fire Nation’s reach.”

“If she’s so powerful, then why’d she let the palace fall?” he said.

“By my command, she was concentrating on evacuating the servants and Kuei,” you said. “Then, once that was complete, it was too late. I had already sacrificed myself. I didn’t give her the chance to help me. I didn’t give anyone the chance, because I didn’t want anyone else to go down with me.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “We would’ve stood by you, if we had been there. I would’ve. Until the very end.”

You swallowed back the tears that threatened to make an appearance at his words. You had never had someone who had promised to be at your side through everything. You had had protectors, and you had protected others in turn, but never in your life had you had an equal. Someone who relied on you as much as you relied on them. Someone who would stay with you, even through the pain of imminent death.

“You’re a really good friend,” you said. “I’m glad I met you.”

“I’m glad, too,” he said. “Even if it’s a little embarrassing to think about the fact that I made you wear my clothes and do cartwheels that first time.”

“Did you ever perfect the move?” you said. He sprang to his feet.

“I did! Wanna see?” he said.

“Go ahead,” you said. Taking a step back, he broke into a run before using his left leg to push off into a perfect cartwheel. You clapped when he landed squarely on his feet again and spun to face you.

“What do you think?”

“Excellent work,” you said. “Though I don’t know how many practical applications such a skill would have, it’s always good to learn new things.”

“That’s what I told the others when they made fun of me!” he said.

“Everyone has different priorities,” you said diplomatically. He shrugged and then yawned. You winced as you realized how late it had gotten, and how tired you yourself had grown.

“Sorry,” he said. “I don’t mind staying up longer.”

“No, it’s alright. We should sleep. There’s no sense in staying up needlessly; it’s important for us to conserve as much energy as we can, so that our bodies are in the best possible conditions for the invasion,” you said.

“Do you think you can?” he said. “You made me feel a lot better, but I don’t really think I helped you in the same way.”

“You helped,” you promised him. “Just by talking to me, just by being my friend…you helped.”

“We’re all your friends now,” he said, lowering his voice as you both grew nearer to where the others were. “Katara, Toph, Aang, and I. You can count on all of us.”

“I don’t want to be a burden, but I thank you for the offer,” you said.

“That’s not how friendship works,” he said, tossing a blanket over to you. “We all look out for one another. There’s no burden involved.”

“Interesting,” you said, pulling the blanket up to your shoulders. “Then, if you are not opposed, I think I would not mind relying on you a little bit. Just as long as you rely on me, too.”

“Yeah, no worries,” he said. “I’ll rely on you a ton, trust me.”

“Thank you,” you said. “Good night, Sokka.”

“Good night,” he said. “I’m happy you’re alive, Y/N.”

“Me, too,” you said, not feeling quite so lost anymore, not when you were surrounded by people you could truly trust, not when a certain star shone down on you, like a promise that one day, you could follow it all of the way home. “Me, too.”

taglist (comment/send an ask/dm to be added): @rinisfruity14 @c4ttheart @blacky-rose @shizko @marsbars09 @happyplaidpersonfestival @catborglar @camilleverreault @nerdybouquetofkittens-blog @lovialy @heart4hees @stefnarda @ioonatv @vvicaddiction @yukihatesreoyo @yodayyy @ellzbellz18 @wscxbells @azulaloml @vyliie

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Five Fics Friday: August 23/24

Happy Friday everyone!! Finally going on my 2 week holidays, so I'm glad I have some great fics I can read if I get bored!! Check out what's on my radar this week! Enjoy!!

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[batmanfruitloops]

Hi- I'm addicted to Arkham and how it works-

I'm curious about two things-

How long everyone's imprisonment is supposed to be for their crimes and how their relationship to the doctors/Jeremiah Arkham or Hugo Strange is :3

Have a good day!!!

The length of their imprisonment is actually a bit tricky to answer, but I'll do my best:

As we've stated, a big part of the main au is that Batman and the Joker don't intend to send anybody to Arkham. For those who need help, they need a better facility for that, and for the criminals, there's should be a better jailing and charging procedure.

So, the only way the rogues would end up in Arkham is if it happened before Batman and the Joker could stop it. In this case, the alternate timeline starts with Scarecrow and the Riddler being taken into custody by Batman and the Joker. Usually, Batman and the Joker wouldn't actually hand over the rogues (again, ones that have any saving graces). They always let them get away. But for whatever reason, they do get handed over to Gordon because another crime is taking place that they cannot ignore. Gordon does his best to stall for Batman, but the rest of the force comes to the conclusion that they need to be sent to Arkham. Jo and Ed were uncomfortable, yes, but Batman had made it clear that they wouldn't end up in Arkham. He wouldn't let it happen. But Batman and the Joker continue to be kept busy. And soon enough, Jo and Ed are being driven to Arkham. It sinks in:

Batman and the Joker aren't coming for them, are they?

I don't know much about how one decides how much time someone needs in a facility, but I'd assume they'd (supposedly) get treatment for their "mental ailments" before being charged for their crimes? That said, this alternate timeline probably only takes place over a 3 to 6 months. So the length of their imprisonment should probably be longer if it finished, but it doesn't. Bruce and John are stressing over their stay in Arkham becoming longer and longer. Bruce doesn't want to have become a liar, but he also feels the need to prioritize what else is happening in Gotham. They're in Arkham, it's not like they're going to go anywhere.....

As for their relationship with the doctors, we don't currently have a Jerimiah Arkham (Although we might later if we learn more about him and feel inspired) and Hugo, well...he's not exactly a patient favorite.

Hugo enjoys tearing people's psyches apart and leaving them a shell of themselves. The more strong-minded/determined/resistant someone is, the more he enjoys his work. He is also not above physical violence, and is very unphased by gore and viscera. He's the type of person who'd cut himself open just to see the bodily layers functioning. Nobody knows anything about him before being a doctor at Arkham either; something that Ed desperately tries to find out to gain leverage on Hugo.

Lyle Bolton (no current design, but he is present) may not be a doctor, but he's also important in this timeline. He also enjoys harassing the rogues, especially someone like Ed who can't hide his pain well or dissociate. Again, Hugo doesn't care what he does so long as they aren't dead in the end.

To be a bit more specific about how each of the rogues react to their treatment in Arkham:

Jo - he's been through a lot of pain and needing to put on a face. He doesn't get put in solitary until Hugo is able to push him past his limits, and the easiest way to do that is to go through Ed. Then Jo and Hugo are basically in a battle for control/sanity. Jo refuses to break, and Hugo refuses to give up on him. Other staff might be terrified of how feral Jo becomes, but not Hugo. Jo's only motivation is hearing the updates Hugo's taunts him with about Ed.

Ed - he's absolutely terrified about being in Arkham. It's not clean, it's not safe, there's no escape, and it's terrifying. Jo was his anchor until they're separated and Ed does his best to figure out Jo's condition and how to get out. Usually he could deflect fights away from himself by his use of words, but deflection doesn't work on Lyle or Hugo, so that's devastating.

Jervis - though he doesn't get put in Arkham until later, he and Ed become friends quickly, giving them both some much needed company. Jervis also tries to defend Ed like Jo did, but it becomes harder once he's put into a straight jacket for "insanity and potential of harm to others and oneself" and his maladaptive daydreams are much more pleasant than where he really is.

Harvey - I don't believe we've mentioned him ending up in Arkham in this timeline along with the dorks, but he does. Based on the main timeline of events, he'd have been put in there first, actually. Harvey does his best to stay in his right state of mind, logical and just. He protects any inmates he deems innocent, and attacks those he deems bad. Hugo took away his lucky coin though, so he can get stuck when deciding whether or not to act on his impulses.

- Sarsee

a bit less important, but in the Arkham timeline, Waller reaches out to Hugo for help figuring out how to exploit a certain rogues powers, only for said powers to be ruined in the process...I wonder who it could be? :)

(I started getting a bad headache finishing this post, so I apologize if some written parts make more sense than others - I can try to explain anything confusing in the comments)