#alternate title: thursday

[risunsky]

An alternative outfit, inspired by a mixture of a chasuble with memento mori motifs and an outfit seen in a movie.

My only intention was to paint something with nice gold embroidery.

(I've mentioned the movie's title on ko-fi, I won't do it here to avoid the minors who follow me being tempted to look for it because of a big TW.)

also :

Since the kofi Goya post is going to be late because of a severe migraine attack, I swap it with the post scheduled for Wednesday. So today you have a digital fanart and the ko-fi post will be published (if all goes well) on Wednesday or Thursday.

[malevoversary]

MALEVOVERSARY 2025 LET'S GOOOOOOOO

Event dates: Wedneday March 26th to Tuesday April 1st.

Rules

Questions? Ask!

Image ID under cut

[ID: an infographic titled “Malevoversary 2025 Prompts” that is set on a light yellow banner. The text in the center sets against a darker yellow pattern, it reads:

Wednesday 26th Beginnings ▪︎ Kellin ▪︎ The Boat

Thursday 27th Madness ▪︎ The Trader ▪︎ The Pit

Friday 28th Rage ▪︎ Uncle ▪︎ The Undefeated

Saturday 29th Faith ▪︎ Charlie Dowd ▪︎ The Butcher

Sunday 30th Memories ▪︎ Arthur & John ▪︎ Birthday

Monday 31st Lies ▪︎ Piano ▪︎ Intermezzo

Tuesday 1st Entirely My Own ▪︎ Lilith ▪︎ The Fire

Alternate prompts: Dark World ▪︎ Anna Stanczyk ▪︎ Fave Moment

The text Use tag #Malevoversary2025 and tag @malevoversary is set against a light yellow banner. End ID]

[melancholy-of-nadia]

heart on the window #5 (m) | ksj

title: heart on the window (m) pairing: ksj x reader(f) rating/genre: m (18+) ; smut ; roommates au / streamer/cam boy au / office worker au, childhood rivals to awkward roommates to lovers? au summary: BigTunaMan invites PrincessPeach69 to help him with his cam room! This is detailing a few of the many events (light bdsm, hanging with the boys, a rainy day at home, anything with Seokjin pretty much..) that happens within 6 months after taking up Seokjin's challenge to be his camgirl partner. What was once a chilhood rivalry between you too now leaves you two on the cusp of being friends and being something more as time goes on living with him... ? what will you do when a moment outside of filming for the cam room occurs between you and him? note: surprise! an hour earlier!! i'm sorry for disappearing for awhile since my last update. i had to get life-saving emergency surgery and spent my birthday month recovering then being 3/4 recovered i went to go see hobi and then i had to go back to work... not fun... but i managed to finish the whole fic so i will be uploading ch 5, 6, and 7 in the next few weeks leading up to jin's 2nd album release! crazy to think i released ch 1 when his first album dropped. i hope you enjoy this until the end! warnings: mini month timeskips, FEATURES THE OTHER BTS MEMBERS!, mild language, camboy! seokjin, protected s*x, blindfolds, cheesy low budget p*rno roleplay, femdom, cam "couple" in disguise, ASMR sounds, light bdsm, choking, riding, code word, grinding, orgasm denial, n*pple play, breast play, multiple org*sm, straddling, pet names, body worship, voyeurism, dirty talk, implied adult content streaming (camming), brat! reader, brat tamer! seokjin, aftercare drop date: May 3rd, 11:00pm pst word count: 7.1k crossposted on ao3 here <- chapter 4 | chapter 6 -> - -

Three weeks have passed since you started camming with Jin, and by now, your initial shyness has started to fade.

You still hide your face during streams (alternating between a mask, a blindfold, or the oversized sunglasses you finally bought), but you're definitely more confident in your body and presence than you were on that nerve-wracking first night. A rhythm has started to settle in between the two of you.

During the day, you apply for jobs or go on interviews when you’re lucky enough to land one. Jin, on the other hand, leaves early for his corporate job and returns in the evening, usually with takeout or groceries in hand. Most nights you eat dinner together while catching up on your respective days. Sometimes he streams games on Twitch, and on Thursdays or Fridays, your designated camming nights, you both prepare for your evening show.

It’s become a strange but comfortable little domestic situation.

And it’s within this new domestic life that you’ve started to learn more about Jin. Not just what he likes to eat or how he folds his laundry (like an obsessive neat freak), but the way he quietly observes you, the kind of music he listens to when he thinks you’re not around, and… specifically, his kink.

It all starts on a random Thursday night. You’re lounging on the couch, scrolling on your phone while Jin’s fully immersed in the latest season of Invincible. Everything is peaceful…until you remember your carrot cake.

The slice you were saving. The tiny indulgence you bought for yourself after surviving two brutal interviews earlier in the week. It was supposed to be waiting for you in the fridge. But when you go to get it, there’s only an empty container and Jin’s dumb little sticky note that says: Sorry! :)

“Are you serious!?” you shout from the kitchen.

“I thought you forgot about it!” Jin yells back, not even taking his eyes off the TV. “It was the smallest piece of cake!”

“That was MINE, Seokjin! It was in the back of the fridge, hidden behind your sad spinach banchan!”

You stomp back into the living room, and the next thing you know, you’re tackling him onto the couch in a whirlwind of fake rage and flailing limbs. He laughs as you straddle him and jokingly try to pin his arms down with all your strength.

But then, right in the middle of your amateur wrestling match, he says, a little too casually, “You know what! This is nice!I like things like this.”

You freeze. “Wait. Are you being serious?”

Jin blinks up at you, lips curled in amusement. “Yeah. Why? You into it too?”

You open your mouth, then shut it again. You’re not exactly sure how to answer that, but something about the way he said it—like it was the most natural thing in the world—does something to you. Flicks a switch you didn’t even know was there.

“You like... choking? BDSM-type stuff?”

“Mmhm.” He shrugs. “Topping, bottoming, control games… I'm open. I figured you’d caught on by now.”

“I…I would’ve never assumed this of my CHILDHOOD friend!”

You just stare at him for a moment, perched on his lap, trying to decide if he’s joking. But no, his expression is open and relaxed, and that little flutter in your stomach is not going away.

And it is Thursday night. Which means...

“...How do you feel about trying something tonight? On cam?”

Jin’s eyes brighten immediately. “You want to?”

“Maybe. It’s make great content from the vanilla stuff we’ve been sticking to. I could be in control this time.”

“You’re seriously a freak,” he says with a teasing grin.

“Hey! You’re one to talk, Mister ‘Nice, I like this’ mid-chokehold,” you shoot back, rolling your eyes as you climb off him.

The clock ticks past 12AM, and the city beyond the windows has gone still, blanketed in the hush of a weekday night. Jin signs off from his long Twitch stream with Kian84, their chaotic Getting Over It speedrun wrapping up after a cascade of laughter and Jin's usual exaggerated groaning at every misstep. “Thanks for watching, ya masochists!,” he grins into the webcam, and then the screen fades to black.

He exhales, stretching as he pushes back from the desk. “Okay,” he says with a sly glance at you from across the living room. “Time for the other show.”

The energy shifts.

You help him drag out the camming equipment—tripods, lighting, his DSLR, and the mic. Normally, you two shoot in his bedroom, but tonight, there's something new in the air. You suggested the living room earlier, citing the extra space. Jin agreed without hesitation, and now the whole room is undergoing a transformation. The couch is cleared and fluffed. Lighting is adjusted for that soft, glowy evening look. The rug is vacuumed, and the camera sits steady on the tripod, perfectly angled toward the plush gray cushions that will soon become the set.

“You okay?” he asks you, low and curious, as he adjusts the focus ring on the lens.

You nod, biting your bottom lip. “Just thinking.”

“You’re planning something, huh?”

“Oh, you’ll see.”

You disappear to your room, heart thudding as you peel off your lounge clothes and open your closet. From the very back, you pull out the outfit: a white collared button-up shirt, crisp and fitted, one you used to wear when you still had morning commutes and clients to present to. The top clings to your figure now, breasts practically spilling out of the top button you deliberately leave undone. A black blazer slides over your arms like muscle memory. You pair it with a black mini skirt, short enough to show off your thighs, the hem grazing just past the top of your stockings. Finally, the finishing touch: dark aviator sunglasses, glossy and oversized, giving you the kind of anonymity that still manages to scream control.

You catch yourself in the mirror. You don’t just look good—you look dangerous.

When you re-enter the living room, Jin’s crouched in front of the camera, checking the mic input, humming under his breath. The moment he turns and sees you, he lets out a low whistle, then immediately bursts into laughter.

“Oh my God. You look like a typical star of one of those low budget pornos.”

“Oh shut up,” you pout, adjusting your shades. “You're gonna regret saying that.”

He grins, standing to his full height and crossing his arms. “Am I? You look like you’re about to fire me and ruin my life.”

“That’s the point.”

“Did you actually wear that to work?!” he teases as he walks past you toward his bedroom to change. “Kinda hot, not gonna lie,”

“You wish you were my coworker,” you mutter under your breath, knowing he heard it.

Fifteen minutes later, he returns. The outfit he’s chosen mirrors yours, clearly putting in the same level of dramatic flair—he’s in a light blue button-up, loosely tucked into slacks, his hair slightly mussed in that infuriatingly effortless way, a dark blazer thrown over his shoulder. He raises an eyebrow at you. “Ready to destroy me?”

“Always.”

You take charge, directing him to the couch with a tone that makes even you pause—it’s smoother, sharper than your usual voice. Something about this character feels easy to slip into. You’re in control now.

“Sit,” you say simply.

He obeys.

“Blindfold,” you remind him, and he pulls the black silk fabric from the table, tying it over his eyes. The moment it’s on, he relaxes into the couch, letting out a long breath, as if already anticipating what’s to come.

You press record.

Then go live.

You clear your throat softly and speak first, your voice low and commanding.

“Good evening ladies and gentlement,” you begin, addressing the camera with your lips curled in a slow smirk. “It’s your Princess Peach here to start it off. Tonight, I have a very unproductive employee by the name of BigTunaMan who’s been skipping meetings and turning in sloppy work. You know what we do to those, right?”

Your tone is honeyed with sarcasm and heat, and already, the chat is lighting up. Jin shifts slightly on the couch, arms resting at his sides, but his mouth twitches like he’s trying not to smile.

You walk over and click your heels on the floor dramatically, each step a promise. You slide onto the couch beside him and trail your nails down his chest, slow and deliberate.

“I think a little discipline is in order.”

He makes a small sound in his throat, barely audible, but it sends a shiver down your spine. With the camera rolling, the lights warm and golden, and Jin blindfolded, the world has narrowed into this one intoxicating moment.

And for once, you’re not the nervous one.

You’re the one in charge.

You’re the one calling the shots.

And Jin?

He’s more than happy to submit to you.

Your hand drifts lower, fingertips gliding over the fine fabric of Jin’s slacks, watching the way his body reacts even under the blindfold. He can’t see you, but he feels everything—your presence, your breath near his jaw, the pressure of your palm teasing down his thigh.

“You’ve been slacking lately,” you murmur, letting your fingers graze the obvious bulge pressing against his pants. “So I’m going to remind you how to be obedient.”

Jin exhales sharply, chest rising with the effort to keep still. He doesn’t move, doesn’t speak—just tilts his head slightly toward your voice.

You lean in, letting your lips brush against the shell of his ear. “Code word?” you whisper.

“Echo,” he replies immediately, voice low and already laced with heat.

You smile, fingers moving more deliberately now. You cup him through the fabric, the pressure making him shift slightly in his seat. His jaw clenches, the muscles ticking, and you feel his cock twitch under your palm, already hardening as you palm him through his slacks.

“Good boy,” you purr, loosening the belt and sliding down his zipper slowly, like unwrapping a gift you’ve been waiting for. You reach into his briefs, wrapping your hand around him, warm and already thick in your palm. His hips jerk just slightly.

“Fuck,” he hisses.

“Impatient little pervert,” you scold gently, squeezing his cock just enough to make him groan. Your hand starts to move, slow and steady at first, working him up deliberately, thumb gliding over the head, gathering his arousal and spreading it down his shaft.

The chat is losing its mind. Comments flood in, heart emojis, praise, shocked exclamations at the sudden shift in dynamic. You barely register any of it. Your focus is all on Jin: on the way his mouth falls open slightly, the way his chest heaves when your hand twists and pumps in a firmer rhythm, your pace building.

His body is a live wire under your touch.

“You like being used, don’t you?” you murmur, watching the way his thighs tense beneath you.

“Yes,” he breathes. “Fuck—I mean, yes, Miss.”

You chuckle, leaning back just enough to give the camera a better view of your hand working him, the wet sounds obscenely loud in the quiet living room, the only light a white haze casting you both in a soft, intimate glow for the camera.

You press your legs together, your own arousal thrumming, but tonight isn’t about you this time.

It’s about him. 

Making him come completely undone for you. For your power. For the version of you he’s never seen before now: confident, in charge, teasing with just enough cruelty to make him squirm.

You speed up slightly, the rhythm just on the edge of cruel, your thumb teasing that sensitive spot beneath the head. He’s gasping now, lips parted, barely able to speak.

“Please—”

“Please what?”

“Please let me come…”

You smile. “Not yet.”

And you slow down, just enough to make him whimper.

You let his cock slip from your hand with a slow squeeze, and he lets out a helpless whimper, hips twitching upward like he's already aching for more.

“Getting all desperate on me already?” you murmur, standing only long enough to slip off your blazer and sink slowly to your knees between his spread legs.

He can’t see you, but he knows. You can tell by the way his breath catches, the way his hands fist at his sides, resisting the urge to touch you—he knows the rules.

You ghost your lips along the inside of his thigh, just barely grazing, soft and teasing. “Keep your hands where they are,” you command, and he nods quickly.

“Yes, Miss.”

You smirk to yourself, then take your time. Your tongue trails up the length of his cock, just one slow stroke, gathering the taste of his arousal on your tongue before you wrap your lips around the head. He groans deep and shaky.

You suck him in slowly, wet and warm, letting him slide deeper into your mouth as your hand works the base. The slurping sounds echo in the room, lewd and messy, just how you know he likes it. His thighs tense on either side of you, trying to stay still, his fingers curling into the cushions as he fights to behave.

You moan around him, eyes locked on his face. His head tilts back, lips parted as if in prayer, and that blindfold just makes everything more erotic—he’s at your mercy.

You suck harder now, bobbing your head, tongue swirling, spit dripping as you take him deeper. You make it wet, obscene, the perfect combination of control and indulgence. He’s groaning your camgirl stage name now, desperate, undone.

“Please, please, Princess—fuck, you’re too good at this, I’m gonna—”

You pull off with a loud pop, spit stringing from your lips to his cock as you stroke him a few more times.

“Not yet,” you say again, standing slowly. “I said you don’t get to come until I say so.”

He’s panting now, fully at your mercy, desperate and flushed.

You lift one leg and straddle him, lifting your skirt to show the lacy black panties already soaked through. “I’ve been wet for you since this stupid idea you had earlier,” you say, voice low and dangerous. “And now you’re going to be useful and fuck me like I deserve.”

He shudders beneath you. “Yes. Please, yes—” The usual next step to this would be a condom, however you gone back to using birth control just for the sake of being able to experiment and do more fun stuff with Seokjin for these cam sessions. A shout out to him for buying you birth control in this economy.

Thus, you line yourself up and sink down onto him slowly, gasping as he stretches you open inch by inch. You grip his shoulders to keep steady, watching the way his head tips back, lips parted in a silent groan. The blindfold stays on (for obvious privacy reasons), but he also doesn’t need to see you to feel just how deep you take him, how tight you clench around him.

You ride him slowly at first, letting him feel every shift of your hips, every squeeze of your walls around him. His hands stay obediently at his sides, trembling from restraint. Your fingers dig into his chest, your lips brushing his jaw.

“Code word?” you whisper, even though you can feel he’s hanging on by a thread.

“Echo…Fucking echo.”

You start to bounce on him faster, harder, taking everything he gives you and more. His name spills from your lips in breathy moans, and he’s groaning right back, desperate, praising, begging all at once.

And then, you pause for just a breathless second, your hand sliding up his chest and curling gently around his throat. You hover there, locked onto his bodily reactions.

“I want to try it,” you whisper. “Can you guide me?”

There's a sharp inhale. His hands tightening around your hips instinctively as he nods, slow but firm. “Yeah. I’ll tell you when. Just… eyes on me, okay?”

You nod, throat dry but heart racing. You resume your rhythm, rolling your hips and grinding down on him deeper this time. He’s already close. You can feel it in the way his grip falters, his voice rising.

“Now,” he rasps. “Just a little.”

You apply pressure—tentatively at first, until he groans in approval. His head tips back, his mouth slack, lashes fluttering like he’s sinking into something he’s craved too long. It’s intoxicating, the way his body responds to you… but it's his voice that keeps you grounded. The way he whispers praise through every gasp, every twitch of his hips under yours. “That’s it… fuck, baby. Just like that.”

There’s a shift—an unmistakable shift. His voice takes on a different tone. Still needy, still submissive, but laced now with authority, with control, as he murmurs exactly how much pressure, exactly when to let go. His power doesn’t challenge yours—it folds into it, guides it. And you follow. Willingly. Entranced.

You press a little harder, feeling his pulse thrum beneath your fingers, his mouth falling open in a moan that hits you right in the gut.

“I’m—please—I need to—” he gasps, and you let go just in time, letting him breathe again, watching him unravel completely beneath you.

“Then beg.”

“Please let me come inside you, please—I’ve been so good, you’re so perfect—fuck, I need you—”

You slam your hips down harder, grinding, your hands tangled in his hair now as your bodies meet in frenzied rhythm. His control shatters completely when you press your lips to his and whisper, “Come for me, baby.”

And he does.

With a low, broken groan, he thrusts up into you, pulsing deep inside as your own climax follows, walls fluttering around him while you moan against his mouth, soaking him as he fills you. Your fingers grip his jaw, keeping him grounded as you both ride out the high, body to body, messy and panting.

You stay on top of him, his cock still buried inside you, breathless and flushed. He’s dazed, the blindfold still on, and you kiss his forehead softly before reaching up to remove it.

His eyes blink open slowly, glassy and adoring.

“Holy fuck,” he whispers, grinning up at you like you just changed his life.

“See?” you smirk, leaning in to kiss him. “Told you you’d regret teasing me about the outfit.”

Two hours later, the camera light finally blinks off.

The room is dim now, save for the warm golden glow from the lamp in the corner. You and Jin are a flushed, disheveled mess. Clothes half-on, makeup smudged, hair wild. A sheen of sweat glistens on both your bodies, and your inner thighs still tremble faintly from all the exertion.

He flops back against the couch with a groan, eyes shut as he tries to catch his breath. “That was… that was insane.”

You toss a throw blanket over both your laps and lean against his shoulder, just as blissed out. “Good insane?”

“Good?” he laughs, turning to look at you, eyes wide and still dazed. “You… how the fuck did you learn all of that?”

You grin, a little smug but mostly shy. “I… well. I’ve read my fair share of erotica.”

He stares at you for a beat, and then lets out a wheezy laugh. “Okay, no, because you didn’t just read erotica. That was like—years of field research packed into one night.”

You giggle, hiding your face in your hands. “Shut up! I didn’t want to half-ass it, especially since I knew you were into that stuff. I figured… if I was going to dominate you, I wanted to do it right. So i prayed all the shit I’ve read would come back to me in that moment.”

Jin’s cheeks flush a deeper shade of pink, and he exhales, still not fully recovered. “You didn’t just do it right. You wrecked me. I mean, I think you broke time. I blacked out somewhere around the tie-and-denial part.”

You smirk and nudge his leg with your knee. “Told you not to tease me about the outfit.”

He lifts his hands in surrender. “Okay, okay. You win. You’re terrifying. Beautiful and terrifying.”

You rest your head on his shoulder again, quieter now, as the adrenaline starts to settle into something softer. Jin lets his hand slide over yours, squeezing gently.

“You really enjoyed it?” you ask, voice lower, more vulnerable this time.

He turns to you again, this time more serious. “More than anything. Not just the kink stuff, but you. Being with you like this. Doing this together. I didn’t think I’d ever get close to you like this.”

Your heart flutters.

“Same,” you admit. “It’s something I never thought, let alone reunite with you.”

He looks at your eyes, rather lovingly, but you convince yourself he’s just completely blissed out. “Let’s get some sleep, Seokjin.”

It is insane how close you and Seokjin start becoming after this. Living with him felt like walking on eggshells at first—between the awkwardness of your past and the very unique way your current relationship started—but over time, it’s become shockingly natural. Domestic, even. You’ve slipped into his world like you were always meant to be there.

You’re in the kitchen, rinsing out a few dishes from lunch and humming to yourself when you hear Jin’s voice rise from the living room. He’s in the middle of filming some chaotic “Lose and You Win!” Mario Party content, screaming into the mic with Jungkook, Jimin, and Taehyung, all streamer friends that Jin frequently collabs with when he’s playing PUBG, Valorant, or Apex Legends.  The guys are laughing, cursing, and accusing each other of cheating. You glance up once in a while, smiling at the banter. It's hard to believe that this—this apartment, this man, this life—is where you ended up. And you’re not mad about it.

Around 8 p.m., you hear the game’s final jingle play and the stream go offline. The guys groan and stretch, the energy in the room softening now that they’re off-camera. You hear Taehyung pipe up, “Alright, wings? I’m craving pain-level buffalo.”

Jungkook adds, “Buffalo Wild Wings, let’s goooo.”

Jimin chimes in, nudging Jin from the side. “Come on, hyung. We haven’t hung out in person in weeks. Let’s grab dinner.”

Jin laughs but waves them off. “Can’t. I’ve got other plans tonight.”

The guys groan and boo dramatically.

Then suddenly, their eyes shift to you. Jimin leans over the couch to grin at you. “What about you, noona? You down to come with us? We’ll treat you! Wings, drinks, or anything else you want to do?”

“Noona—?” you laugh, setting down a cup. You’re not a noona, to these men, surely. But you’ll go with it. Getting out of the house with a group of charismatic, chaotic men sounds like a fun distraction. You open your mouth to say sure, already drying your hands—

But Jin cuts in smoothly from the couch without even looking at you. “She’s coming with me.”

The room goes quiet for half a second. You blink.

Taehyung raises a brow. “Oh?”

You look at Jin, arms crossed, voice flat. “I am?”

Jin finally looks at you now and smiles—not smug exactly, but knowing. “Yup. She is.”

And just like that, ten minutes later, you’re sliding into the passenger seat of his car.

You glance at him sideways as he drives. “You know, you didn’t even ask me if I wanted to go with you.”

He shrugs, smirking. “I didn’t want to lose you to fried chicken and beer. Besides…” He taps his fingers on the steering wheel. “We’re going somewhere better.”

And that’s how you end up at Quarters KBBQ, a small, lowkey spot tucked in a quiet corner of K-Town. No frills, no signs. The kind of place only locals know about. Inside, it’s dimly lit, the air rich with the smell of grilled meat and soju. Jin nods to the ahjumma behind the counter, who recognizes him immediately and leads you both to a corner table where you find 3 other men. You weren’t expecting a full table when you walk in, but there they are. Namjoon already seated with Yoongi, nursing what looks like a soju bottle. And beside him, someone you haven’t met before. His smile is warm as the grills before him, and he immediately waves when he sees you two approach. “Happy birthday, Namjoon!” Jin says loudly and proudly as he approaches the table and gives the birthday boy a hug. “Hyung!” The man unknown to you calls out to Jin, his face brightening. His eyes shift to you beside him, and curiosity flickers in his expression. “You came–Ohhh, wait is she the mystery roommate-slash-partner-in-crime. Y/N?”

You raise a brow, amused. “Hello! Uh, mystery?” “Y/N, that’s Hoseok.”

Hoseok grins and offers a warm handshake. “Hi! Jin always talks about you in fragments—‘my roommate made this,’ ‘she said that,’ but never a full picture. I was starting to think you were part of his delulu storyline.”

You laugh, instantly liking him. “Sounds like Jin.”

Jin only shrugs, clearly unbothered as he guides you into the booth. Namjoon gives you a little wave and a fond, “Hey stranger, long time,” while Yoongi smirks and says, “Finally meeting you in person after too damn long.”

“Right, Jin’s been the one passing over my hellos to you like a game of telephone,” you reply, slipping into the seat beside Jin as he reaches for the soju bottle.

He pours you a glass first, then his own. “You weren’t missing out much,” he says, lips twitching. “Trust me.”

"Well anyways, welcome to the table,” Hoseok says, lifting his glass. “You’re stuck with us now.”

The table is already cluttered with side dishes, sauces, and raw meat sizzling over the grill. Jin clinks his glass to yours.

The sizzling sound of pork belly crackles on the grill as Yoongi expertly flips the pieces, tongs in one hand, drink in the other. Hoseok leans back in his seat, stretching his arms with a content sigh while Namjoon starts a debate about whether pineapple belongs on pizza.

It’s easy to get swept into the rhythm—teasing, laughing, the casual way the guys lean into each other’s space like brothers who’ve known each other for years. But at some point, Jin goes quiet beside you.

You glance at him. “You okay?”

He nods, then clears his throat. “Just thinking. I haven’t brought anyone to a hang like this in a long time.”

The others catch that, and Namjoon smiles around the rim of his glass. “Yeah, that’s actually wild. You’re usually honja solo, hyung.”

Yoongi smirks. “Last time he brought someone was like... what? Two birthday dinners ago? And it was his older brother.”

“And W–” Hoseok is about to say until Yoongi and Jin elbow him, “Ow!!”

Jin rolls his eyes. “Okay, okay. I get it.”

You look at him, slightly teasing. “So this is a big deal?”

He looks at you steadily, his voice a little softer than before. “I guess it is. Feels different this time.”

Your chest warms a little at that.

Namjoon watches the two of you, then leans in toward you. “It’s been cool watching you settle into his place, by the way. Jin told us you've still been focused on job hunting and interviewing. That shit’s not easy.”

You blink, surprised. “He told you about that?”

“He did,” Yoongi says, passing you a lettuce wrap. “And for what it’s worth, you’ve got guts. Not everyone would handle it the way you’re handling it after a relationship fall out and job layoff.”

There’s a moment of quiet pride that hums through you. You didn’t realize Jin had even mentioned those parts of your life to his friends. It feels a little awkward, but more so makes you feel seen.

Hoseok nudges Jin with his elbow. “Hyung’s been different lately too. A little more… grounded.”

“Grounded?” Jin scoffs. “What does that even mean?”

“It means you’re not acting like a feral bichon 24/7,” Hoseok says with a grin.

Namjoon laughs. “He means you’re… softer. In a good way.”

You glance at Jin just as he glances at you.

And for a second, the noise of the table fades.

You don’t say anything. Neither does he. But the look says enough: I see you. I’ve got you.

And just like that, the table bursts into laughter again—Yoongi making a dry joke about Jin’s “new personality” like a bug patch in a game. Namjoon pretending to take notes like a therapist, Hoseok mimicking Jin’s dramatic voice.

And you? You just smile, lean closer to the boy who’s slowly, surely becoming your safe place, and take another sip of soju. After hanging out with his friends once, you ask Jin if you could tag along again to see them again for another hang out, which he happily agrees to. 

It’s been four months since you started camming with Jin, and the erotic streams have only gotten more creative, more intimate. What started as an experiment—something daring and purely transactional—has shifted into something strange and deeply emotional, quietly addictive. You both know how easily you’ve slipped into this lifestyle. And how naturally you’ve slipped into each other.

This afternoon, though, feels like a pause. A thunderstorm has rolled over, drowning the city in a wash of gray. Everything is wet, fogged, and slow. Jin had planned to work today, but after a tense few weeks with his team’s latest gaming project, he called in and stayed home instead. Burnt out, he said. Fried.

You didn’t argue. You weren’t in the mood either—not with the string of job application rejections piling up in your inbox. At this point, the cover letters all blur together. You hadn’t even gotten a callback in weeks.

So, wrapped up in shared blankets and layers of lazy comfort, the two of you spend the afternoon on the couch. Jin's sitting at the far end, curled around his Switch, locked into Fire Emblem. You’re in the opposite corner with your knees tucked up, reading a tattered paperback, something vaguely romantic and atmospheric. It's peaceful. Quiet. The kind of silence that only happens between people completely comfortable with each other. It took a lot to get here.

“Hey,” Jin says eventually, not looking away from his game. “Can you read it to me?”

You glance over, a brow raised. “You want me to read this out loud?”

He shrugs. “I just… like your voice. Makes it easier to relax.”

You smile faintly. “Since when are you shy about asking for that?”

“I’m not,” he says, grinning. “I’m being polite. Now read.”

You start. At first, it’s casual—your voice soft as the storm continues outside. Jin eventually puts the Switch down entirely, arms behind his head, eyes closed. Just listening.

Then he interrupts.

“You know,” he murmurs, “this could be a good ASMR unlockable. For the long-term subs. Just you. Reading. Whispering. Maybe some light teasing…”

You snort. “You’re so unserious.”

“I’m extremely serious,” he says, sitting up a little. “Think about it. Soft voice. Close mic. Add in a little roleplay… Touch. Whispered praise. Maybe I whimper a little.”

You stare at him. “You’re not even pretending you’re not into it, you pervert!”

“I stopped pretending around month one,” he shoots back easily. “Come here. Let’s try it.”

You hesitate, but the way he says it, low, teasing, like an invitation and a dare all at once, makes your skin tingle. You shift toward him, and he helps guide you into his lap. Your thighs straddle his, and your chest presses lightly against his hoodie. He’s warm beneath you, looking up with curious eyes and parted lips.

“Just whisper,” he says. “Let’s see how it feels.”

So you do. You lean in close to his ear and speak softly, slowly.

“You’re doing so well,” you murmur. “So obedient today. You want me to praise you more, don’t you?”

Jin exhales sharply. His hands grip your thighs, pulling you tighter against him. You’re still fully clothed, but the friction is unmistakable. Deliberate. He rocks his hips gently, testing, and you feel the rush of it right through you.

You keep going, praise melting into teasing, your breath hot against his neck. His hands slide up your back, then under your t-shirt, skimming your waist. When they reach your chest, he pauses, eyes flicking up to you.

You nod once. Barely.

And then his thumbs begin to circle, slow and unhurried, coaxing soft sighs out of you. You’re grinding into each other now, layers of fabric doing nothing to dull the want building between your legs. Your fingers grip his shoulders, your lips brush his jaw between whispers. Every word is another spark, every movement edging closer to something you both desperately want—but don’t quite reach.

It stays there. Right on the edge.

Until you both pull back, chests heaving, laughing breathlessly against each other’s skin.

“Jesus,” Jin mumbles, burying his face in your neck. “We can’t be doing this without a game plan.”

“You started it,” you whisper back, brushing his hair with your fingers.

“I didn’t think we’d get that close to—” he pauses, then laughs again. “Holy shit.”

You nod, still trying to catch your breath. “We almost did it. On your streaming mic.”

“I mean…” He pulls back and looks at you seriously. “If we did start pushing the boundaries a bit… would you be okay with that?”

You hesitate, then smile. A little crooked. A little dangerous.

“Maybe… but definitely there’s more to that though,”

And the rain keeps falling outside, steady and soft, while your hearts thrum with something new. Something thrilling. Because you both know you're already on the edge of something bigger. Something you're not ready to name yet, but neither of you is trying to stop.

Six months pass since you first agreed to help Jin with his hobby. Six months since you stepped into his world of late-night cam streams, where the two of you put on a show for an audience that grows larger every week. Six months since you decided to throw caution to the wind and join him in front of the camera, not because you needed the money, but because you couldn’t resist the challenge. Because it was Jin—your childhood rival, your now-roommate, the man who somehow always manages to pull you into his orbit, whether you like it or not.

And it’s been nearly six months since you moved into his apartment, a decision born out of necessity after losing your job. Back then, you told yourself it would be temporary. Just until you got back on your feet. But here you are, half a year later, still sharing a space with him, still waking up to the smell of his amazing cooking, still laughing at his terrible dad jokes that he insists are comedy gold. 

Still pretending that the way he casually brushes past you in the kitchen or leans over your shoulder to peek at your laptop screen doesn’t send a jolt of electricity through you.

You’ve become… comfortable. Too comfortable, maybe. 

The kind of comfort that blurs lines and makes you forget where the act ends and reality begins. 

Outside of the camera’s gaze, the two of you have settled into a rhythm that feels almost domestic. Jin walks around the apartment in nothing but sweatpants, his hair a mess, and you don’t even blink anymore. You’ve caught him staring at you more than once, his gaze lingering a little too long, but neither of you say anything. It’s easier to pretend it doesn’t mean anything, to chalk it up to the strange intimacy of living together and the even stranger intimacy of what you do together on camera.

But sometimes, when he’s sitting too close on the couch, his thigh pressed against yours as you both scroll through your phones, or when he playfully tugs at your sleeve to get your attention, you wonder if it’s all just in your head. 

If you’re reading too much into the way he looks at you, the way he touches you—casual, effortless, like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

You haven’t talked about it.  Not once. Not about the way your hands linger when you pass each other things, not about the way he sometimes rests his chin on your shoulder while you’re cooking, not about the way your heart races when he flashes you that stupidly handsome grin of his. It’s like there’s an unspoken agreement between you: Don’t ruin this. Don’t make it weird. In the meantime, life goes on. You’ve been applying for jobs, sending out resumes, going to interviews. Some of them have gone well—really well, even—but nothing’s panned out yet. Jin keeps telling you not to stress, that something will come along eventually, but you can’t help feeling the pressure. You don’t want to overstay your welcome, even though Jin insists you’re not. “You’re not a guest,” he said once, when you brought it up. “You live here. This is your home too.”

His words stuck with you, more than you’d like to admit. Because the truth is, it does feel like home. More than any place has in a long time. And maybe that’s the scariest part of all.

Tonight, like most nights, you’re sitting on the couch with Jin, the TV playing some random drama neither of you is really paying attention to. He’s sprawled out, his head resting on the armrest, his feet nudging your thigh. You’re half-heartedly scrolling through job listings on Linkedin on your laptop, but your mind keeps wandering. Jin’s been quiet for a while, which is unusual for him.

You glance over and find him watching you, his expression unreadable.

“What?” you ask, raising an eyebrow.

He shrugs, a small smile playing on his lips. “Nothing. Just thinking.”

“About what?”

“You,” he says simply, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

"Uh, what about me?"

"How stressed you look applying to these jobs?"

You close your laptop and set it aside, turning your body slightly to face him. “Well, yeah. Kind of comes with this whole process of unemployment, doesn’t it? I’m trying to not be jobless forever, you know.”

Jin sits up slightly, propping himself on one elbow. His messy hair falls into his eyes, and he brushes it back with a hand, looking far too attractive for someone who hasn’t left the apartment all day. “You’re not going to be unemployed forever,” he says firmly, his tone soft but resolute. “You’re good at what you do. The right job’s gonna come along, you’ll see.” You roll your eyes, leaning back against the couch. “You say that like it’s easy. Like I just need to snap my fingers, and poof, dream job.”

“It’s not about snapping your fingers,” he counters, his lips quirking into that signature smirk of his—the one that always makes your stomach do an unwelcome flip. “It’s about realizing you’re a catch. Any company would be lucky to have you.”

His words hit you harder than they should. Maybe it’s the sincerity in his voice or the way his gaze lingers on you just a moment too long, like he’s daring you to believe him. You swallow, suddenly feeling too seen, too exposed.

“Well,” you say, forcing a casual shrug, “if all else fails, at least I have my… side gig.”

At that, Jin’s smirk widens into a full grin, and he sits up completely, crossing his legs beneath him. “Side gig? Princess, what we’re doing is more than just a gig. We’re providing art.”

You let out a short laugh, shaking your head. “Art? Is that what we’re calling it now?”

“Absolutely,” he says with mock seriousness, placing a hand dramatically over his heart. “I’ve got the lighting, the angles, the choreography—it’s practically cinema. And you—well, you’re the star. The muse. My creative partner.”

“Okay, now you’re pushing it,” you tease, but you can’t help the smile tugging at your lips. Jin has a way of making you laugh, even when you don’t want to. It’s infuriating and endearing all at once.

He leans closer, resting his elbow on the back of the couch and his chin in his hand, studying you. “But seriously,” he says, his tone dropping back to that rare sincerity, “you’re doing great. Not just with the streams, but... everything. You’ve been through a lot, and you’re still here, still pushing forward. I’m proud of you.”

The words catch you off guard, and for a moment, you don’t know how to respond. Your throat tightens, and you quickly look away, fiddling with the hem of your shirt. “Thanks,” you mumble, barely above a whisper.

Jin doesn’t push you to say more, and you’re grateful for that. The silence that settles between you is surprisingly comfortable, his presence grounding in a way you didn’t realize you needed.

But, of course, Jin can’t let the moment stay too serious for long.

“So,” he says, his smirk returning, “about tonight’s stream…”

You groan, throwing your head back against the couch. “God, do you ever take a break?” “Not when I’ve got content to plan,” he says, winking at you. “I was thinking we could try something new. Maybe a little bdsm roleplay? Or–oh, I know—a themed night! Like anime cosplaying.”

“Cosplaying?” you echo, narrowing your eyes at him. “What kind of cosplaying?”

He shrugs, feigning innocence. “I don’t know. Something fun. Something the fans would love. You could be Sailor Moon, or a Nami from One Piece, or—”

“Stop right there,” you interrupt, holding up a hand. “I am not dressing up as some cliché sexy anime character.”

“Fine, fine,” he says, raising his hands in mock surrender. “But you can’t deny it’d be hot.”

You roll your eyes, though you can feel your cheeks heating up. “You’re impossible, Seokjin, you know that?”

“And yet, you’re still here,” he points out, flashing you that devastating grin. “So what does that say about you?”

It says more than you’re willing to admit, even to yourself. But instead of answering, you reach for your laptop, opening it back up and pretending to focus on the screen. Jin watches you for a moment longer, then leans back with a satisfied hum, stretching out on the couch like a cat.

You don’t know how long you can keep walking this line with him. This strange, delicate balance between friendship and… whatever this is. But for now, you’ll let it be. You’ll let yourself enjoy the banter, the laughter, the way he makes you feel like maybe, just maybe, you’re not so lost after all. - -

a/n: again SO SORRY that updating this fic took some time. I appreciate everyone who waited and is still sticking around until the very end!! I've extended this fic to 7 total chapters for the sake of fleshing things out as much as I could while keeping this fic short, so you have a lot to look forward too heheheheheheheh

➸ let me know what you think OR join the taglist for future works! ➸ check out my masterlist for other fics I have made

[theaudientvoid]

Alternate timeline where Wildbow went with "The Events Leading Up to Last Thursday" as the title for Worm, and all of his subsequent stories have similar naming conventions.

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

So my brain won't let me rest, so I was rewatching episode 1 of 4 MINUTES and noticed some things. I have no idea if this matters or not, but I just thought I'd collect them in case it sparked something in my brain. Or someone else's. Also this is obviously not everything, just things that I didn't necessarily notice or gave it much thought before. Also the tag is gigantic at this point so these are things that probably others have noticed but there's no way I could read, or honestly remember, everything that has been posted.

-So the first cold open is both Great and Tyme 'dying'. The way it's edited, we see it happen at the same time. Great's heart stopping in the hospital and Tyme collapsing from the gunshot. I did notice this before obviously but I'm wondering if this has any meaning in the timeline discourse. Perhaps they are both experiencing alternative timelines or OOBEs.

-Great's first 'cardiac event' comes in the elevator at his building. 4th floor. However later he's in the elevator in the hospital and get's off on the 4th floor and nothing happens.

-Then we see Great in the car, and we see the car's clock.

The two times, before and after the accident.

The time is significant because this is where we first get the four minutes time travel/vision thing. But also, and this is what I didn't noticed the first time. The day is Wednesday 29th of August according to the car. Which would be 2024 if it wasn't a leap year. It falls on a Thursday this year and it fell on a Tuesday last year. The last time this happened was 2019 for whatever that's worth.

-When Great and Korn are talking in the street an he experiences the whole weirdness with the watch and something also caught my attention. So Great checks his wrist watch and it shows 11:00.

And then he goes to check Korn's watch and it fine. But then this

The thing is, he never checked his phone up until this moment and it says the correct time. He was looking at his wrist watch. So why is he now talking about his phone clock? This could just be a translation thing so I'm not sure. Also he doesn't check his wrist watch again even though it's still stopped at 11:00 when he's talking to Korn.

-We see the clocks again in another time jump in the desk in the hospital.

Before and after the time travel/vision.

And although the times match, the temp/humidity does not. The temp and humidity drop. Again it's one degree/percentage point so it could just be the temp at the time of filming.

-A bit after this we get our first sex vision. And in that vision Great's watch show it's 4 o'clock. Although I guess it could also be 12:20.

-So I also have been keeping track of who wears analog and digital. And in the first episode Great/Korn/Dad/Title wear analogs. So the rich folk. The docs all wear digital and everyone else does not have or show a watch.

Anyway, I didn't note the other clocks and all the numbers because I wanted to only note what I was noticing for the first time. Anyway. I might rewatch the second episode today since there's only one bl show, and if there's anything that jumps out at me, I might post. I need to stop wasting paper on this show.

[henry-the-queer-artist]

Watching A Queer Movie (that I've never seen) Every Day for a week: a log

I decided that to cope with not being able to be as openly queer as I would like, that I'd watch some queer movies that I haven't seen before for an entire week because why the hell not.

alternate title: ''op is using tf out of his free tubi account''

I decided I'd alternate between wlw and mlm movies in a pattern.

I'll update this list every time I watch a new one

Day #1 - Monday - But I'm A Cheerleader

Year: 1999

Review: Oh my god! What a great way to start the week. I thoroughly enjoyed every second of this movie. It's campy and fun but it's also important and very ahead of its time. The romance is excellent and the characters are vibrant and likable. also omg I forgot that the coach was played by RuPaul for a minute. Easily one of my new favorite movies. Love it!

My Rating: 10/10

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Day #2 - Tuesday - Maurice

Year: 1987

Review: oh my goddddd. Why is this the most made for me movie ever. They were like yeah let's put Hugh Grant, Rupert Graves, and James Wilby in a gay movie in set edwardian england. I'm still reeling from the emotional damage (in a good way) that I have from watching this movie. I love this movie so much. but i hope clive dies in a hole all alone and that alec and maurice live a happy life together. Once again another movie that's going straight (gay) into my favorite movies.

My Rating: 10/10

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Day #3 - Wednesday - Jennifer's Body

Year: 2009

Review: First queer horror movie of the week WOOOHOOOO! I fucking love movies like this so fuck yeah. This was a fantastic movie that reminded me of one of my other favorite movies, Like Minds. Also Amanda Seyfried not only do I have a huge crush on her but she's also an AMAZING ACTRESS holy shit. Only half a point off because of a slight lack of gayness at some parts (still very gay though) but all-in-all, another movie going straight (gay) to my faves list.

My Rating: 9.5/10

-------------------------------------------------------

COMING UP NEXT DAYS:

Day #4 - Thursday - Wilde

Year: 1997

Review: N/A (I'm so fucking excited to watch this though. I love Oscar Wilde sm)

My Rating: N/A

----------------------------------------------------------

Day #5 - Friday - Carmilla

Year: 2019

Review: N/A

My Rating: N/A

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Day 6 - Saturday - Another Country

Year: 1984

Review: N/A

My Rating: N/A

---------------------------------------------------------------

Day 7 - Sunday - Suggestions?

Please suggest a wlw movie in the reblogs I'm kinda still trying to find one that's free

[fangirlinc]

Emo:

All the Alt Emo bands I know on Every Noise at Once

[rosies-writealong]

Link: All Stories from this Challenge

Flashfic Writealong FAQ: Feb 2025 Version

What is this thing?

It’s a writing “challenge” where you write a flash fic, ideally for MacGyver fandom. By “flash fic” I mean something <1000 words, but like most other “rules” of the writealong, it’s not set in stone. Make of it what you will!

Why are we doing this?

Look, back in 2022, I wanted to try my hand at writing some flash-sized fanfics (a big change from my 10k+ normal fic size). So I invited all the MacGyver writers to play along with me. And then we did it again in 2023. It’s like peer pressure, except everybody wins because everybody gets new fics to read. Yay!

How will it work?

There will be 10 prompts over 3 weekends starting February 20, 2025. Most prompts will be posted 2 days before the target posting date. The idea is to write a tiny story quickly, without overcomplicating it. (Overcomplication, my beloved...!)

What if I miss the target date? Can I post it later?

Heck yeah! 

Is this a whump challenge thing?

No, write whatever you want. Variety is the spice of life and one of my favorite things about this fandom. ❤️ I’ll write h/c but everybody is welcome to play along. Ship all your ships. Smut it up if you wanna. Just tag your stuff appropriately. **

** Shippers, please use the longstanding ship tags for your ship so your stories can be found/avoided by the people who want to find/avoid them:

MacRiley

MacDalton

MacDoc

MacDesi

What about AI-generated or assisted fic?

This challenge has ONE hard and fast rule: absolutely NO AI generated or AI assisted fic. Write it yourself or don’t participate.

I wrote a thing! When do I post it?

Any time on or after the day the prompts were for. For example, if you wrote a story using the June 10 prompts, post it on June 10 (your local time) or whenever you have it ready after that.

Where should it be posted? 

Tumblr or AO3 ideally. But do whatever you want with your fic! This is supposed to be fun. And maybe less stressful than other challenges? Or more, you decide. 

Is there an AO3 collection?

The collection will open on Feb 20 and will be titled February 2025 MacGyver Flashfic Writealong. Please add your story! :)

What about Tumblr tags?

Event tag: #MacGyver Flashfic Writealong

Day tag: #june 10  (for the day the prompts were “for”, regardless of when you post ‘em)

What are the prompts?

The prompts will be set to post at 9am PT (UTC-7) 2 days before the day they’re for. For example, the prompts for June 22 will be set to post at 9am PT on June 20. There are also a few alternate prompts in case the day’s prompts aren’t inspiring you.

How do I participate?

Write a thing related to the prompts and post it. :) Tag this blog if you want it reblogged. 

Who’s running this thing?

It’s meeee, @rosieblogstuff. 👋

Prompt Sets Posted So Far

Set 1 for Saturday, February 22

Set 2 for Sunday, February 23

Set 3 for Monday, February 24

Set 4 for Thursday, February 27

Set 5 for Saturday, March 1

Set 6 for Sunday, March 2

Set 7 for Monday, March 3

Set 8 for Thursday, March 6

Set 9 for Saturday, March 8

Set 10 for Sunday, March 9

Set 11 for Monday, March 10

Alternate Prompts

[sunny374940]

WIP Thursday

I was tagged by the lovely @starfleetteddybear for what I'm working on this nice Thursday. I have a cold. The kids have a cold. And I'm working on way too many wips, so thank you for enabling me to yap about them <3 (pardon the comic sans in the screenshots, it helps my brain work better)

So I'm trying to finish that emmrook singing fic. The ending is being annoying, but it's this close to being done. Under a keep reading because the post got very long.

And continuing with the baby theme, I've got a story from the sky whales universe about Fern and Gareth adopting kids. Because I just have to keep foisting children onto my characters.

And I seem to have taken a wrong turn somewhere among my wips, because suddenly there's another original fic in the making. It's very gay, surprising absolutely no one. And the plot is getting very convoluted once again. Working title is Shadows, but that one might be subject to change (I was mostly annoyed to have Untitled document in my wips, so I had to slap something in there). It's fantasy (also unsurprising) and a kind of enemies to lovers situation. And I've got too many bits of it I like, so I'm subjecting you to them.

First off, drama!

And more drama. Poor Ciaran.

But there will be some fun too.

And of course some flirting. Rhys pov this time, he deserves to have his thoughts heard too. And alternating pov seems to be my Thing.

So yeah, I am working on Many Things. Hopefully they will see the light of ao3 one of these days.

And I'm being nosy again, so hello, darlings, show me your stuff, if you've the time <3

@lavender-tea-fling, @mercars-musings, @spinfins, @sorrowsfallallaround, @redheadsramblings, @pavuslavellan, @notyourmamasdeerbat, @bygonesigh

[aleximustpl4y]

My Chemical Romance – I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love: album review

Year: 2002

Label: Eyeball Records

Genre: Post-hardcore, emo, punk-rock, pop-punk

Members: Gerard Way (vocals), Ray Toro (guitar), Mikey Way (bass guitar), Matt Pelissier (drums), Frank Iero (additional guitars)

Producer: Geoff Rickly

Listen to it here: [x]

Join me in this beautiful journey of cathartic destruction where two lovers are doomed to meet and die in every lifetime.

You must keep your soul...

History

I don't think American rock band My Chemical Romance need any introduction, but for the sake of the review, I have to start from the beginning.

Hailing from New Jersey, the band was founded by Gerard Way in September 2001 after he witnessed the Twin Towers attack on his way to work. They are considered one of the most influential rock groups of the 2000s and a major act in the pop-punk and emo genres, despite the band rejecting the latter label. The name of the band was suggested by Mikey, Gerard's younger brother, who was working in a Barnes & Noble when he was struck by the title of a book by Irvine Welsh named Ecstasy: Three Tales of Chemical Romance.

I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love (Bullets for short) is their debut album, produced by Thursday vocalist Geoff Rickly. Despite being sold under the alternative rock genres, it is considered an emo album with strong influences from punk rock, hardcore punk and heavy metal.

The graphic impact

The album cover, as well as the disc, features Harry Houdini hanging upside down in a straitjacket. Gerard Way has stated that it is not a digital image, but was in fact made with some watercolor, some borax, some plastic wrap, and a color photocopier in the Eyeball Records offices.

Why put Houdini on the cover? All references to Houdini in the following albums aside, it's clear that Gerard admired the magician and saw in one of his most famous tricks – escaping from a straitjacket while dangling from a crane – a possible analogy for life: you can spend a whole lot of time in your life ‘escaping’ death, but it will still come eventually.

Autumn color palette, play of light and handmade special effects: aesthetically speaking, the album cover is very interesting to look at.

The tunes

Bullets starts off with Romance, an acoustic cover of an instrumental piece known as “Romance Anónimo,” “Romance d'Amour,” or “Spanish Romance,” composed by an unknown nineteenth-century musician. The sweet and melancholic melody lulls you into a (false) sense of security.

Honey, This Mirror Isn't Big Enough for the Two of Us kicks off with a tits-blowing metal-core guitar riff, hitting you hard and fast, setting the real tone for the entire album. A very young Gerard yells the frustrated lyrics about a toxic relationship which, given the title's theme of the mirror, may be with an ex as well as drugs and/or alcohol. The chorus is an anthem for those who are sick and tired of their partner's (or the personification of drug abuse) manipulation tactics, and the way Gerard screams his lungs out makes it cathartic for those who haven't any words left in them anymore.

“This song is about sucking dick for cocaine.” – Gerard Way introducing the song in concert

Vampires Will Never Hurt You catapults you into another dimension, a darker, more eerie one, brought mostly by the intriguing bass line and the backwards whispering in the intro. The lyrics are the last rational, yet desperate, words of a man who's about to transform into a vampire against his will, and begs his lover to “put a spike in [his] heart” as soon as the sun goes down and to go hide before they'll get her too.

Drowning Lessons starts off with a bittersweet riff, introducing us to probably the saddest story told in the album. Drowning Lessons talks about a man who killed his spouse. My personal interpretation (I don't know if someone else had this idea before me) is that he killed himself shortly after and this is his otherworldly punishment: reliving this day over and over for eternity, perpetuating the cycle of insanity and guilt. The ending leaves you with a feeling of waiting and suspension, the fade-out suggests that the narrator is stuck in this loop and it will be like this forever.

In the fast paced Our Lady of Sorrows Gerard encourages his interlocutor to strip away their insecurities and live freely, to trust and believe in him so that they may be saved. The song is painted with religious imagery (hence the title), and implies that the narrator and the person he's speaking with are constantly at each other's throats: letting go of their doubts is the only way to end this before they murder each other. Gerard is angry, almost arrogant, but it's an arrogance driven by desperation since he doesn't want to lose his friend/lover over their insecurities, inviting and insisting that they “take [his] fucking hand and never be afraid again”.

Musically speaking, Headfirst for Halos is a sucker punch in the teeth, and yes, that is a compliment. The guitar is very Iron Maiden-esque, especially in the intro, and on a technical level, this song proves that these guys know what they're doing. The lyrics' grim undertones go in complete contrast with the upbeat tone of the music, turning it into a suicidal anthem. Despite the fact that it discusses how the narrator is stuffing himself with psychotropic drugs that make him numb to any kind of feeling, as well as his struggle against the idea of killing himself in this spiral of madness, Headfirst for Halos could be considered a powerful message of hope. This song, in my opinion, is not only about someone who succumbs to a psychotic episode, but it's also a way for the lyricist to remind us not to give up, not to do what the song proposes. Its end, where the protagonist probably commits suicide while repeating himself to “think happy thoughts”, is cathartic and destructive, truly beautiful in its tragedy.

"This song is about suicide - don't do it." – Gerard Way

I don't think I'll ever be ready to talk about Skylines and Turnstiles, but I'll try to give it justice. The track, the first one that was recorded while making the album, is a moving tribute to the victims of 9/11. It describes both the last moments of those people's lives and the experience, the feelings that Gerard had while witnessing it. The previous track's message of hope is reinforced in Skylines: when Gerard witnessed the tragedy, he knew he had to do something in hope to help people go through their grief and sadness and make the world a brighter place, giving them a reason to keep fighting. The song starts with “You're not in this alone”: Gerard is offering friendship for those who were hurt or scarred from 9/11, and it could also work in a broader sense, where he reaches his hand out to those who are feeling like this life isn't worth living anymore.

Inspired by Dawn of the Dead, Early Sunsets over Monroeville begins with a sweet and romantic melody, painting a dream-like picture of two lovers living a perfect life, “just like upon the screen”. The song, after that, takes a left turn that gives me shivers to this day just like the first time I heard it. The lyrics are a desperate call for help from the man who has to kill his lover, because she has been bitten by a zombie and is turning into one. He doesn't have the heart to shoot her, but on the other hand, it would be a mercy killing. The whole theme of the zombies could also be a metaphor for the couple's relationship that has gone awry, so the narrator has to “shoot” and hurt her by telling her that there's no love anymore between them. Gerard's voice, in the early stages of the song, is filled with nostalgia and melancholy, making the second part even more striking and emotional to listen to. His cries become more and more insistent, in a crescendo of desperation, and the fact that he repeats the same lines over and over only accentuates the interior dilemma he's having, while the melody becomes more and more fast-paced as well. The last line hangs in the air, which, again, marks the horror of the whole situation, leaving you in a state of suspended turmoil.

This is the Best Day Ever tells a story of a couple who meet in the emergency room, likely after they both attempted suicide, and they plan to escape the hospital together. It doesn't matter to them if they'll die after: they'll be free either way by doing it. What stands out the most is the upbeat and fast-paced melody, which accentuates the anticipation of the protagonists and their hope to get out of the situation they're in.

Cubicles tells a story of a shy and lonely office worker who falls in love with a woman who works two cubicles away from him but doesn't even realize he exists. He spends the time writing her love notes, but never gains the courage to give her the letters, let alone talk to her, until she quits her job and he misses his chance. From that point, he spirals into madness and is terrified he'll die alone, as portrayed by the repetition of the verse “sometimes I think I'll die alone”, which changes into just “I think I'd love to die alone” at the very end, coming to terms with his suicidal thoughts.

I think there's no better way to end this album, other than with Demolition Lovers. The song starts with a slow, sweet yet dark melody, while Gerard begins singing the beautiful, tragic story about a Bonnie and Clyde-esque couple, who run in the desert and eventually get shot by the people they were escaping from. As the music grows more intense, the man tells us how he isn't afraid to die for his lover and he is willing to prove how much she means to him despite their relationship being flawed. They die in a pool of blood, when they kiss for the last time. Demolition Lovers is masterfully made, with one of the most beautiful solos I've ever heard and with lyrics that are an arrow to the heart, not only for the passion they're sang with, but also for the meaning they carry. The ending is simply breathtaking.

Conclusion

Words can't even describe how much this album means to me. The themes, the arrangements, the messages of hope derived from destruction and tragedy, the whole meaning of the band itself... it's just beautiful. The genre is not cohesive but since it's their first artistic effort, it makes sense that they had yet to find their own style: after all, creation is just experimentation. But despite Bullets not being coherent in style, the atmosphere remains consistent thanks to the lyrics that have all the same feeling of catharsis in romantic destruction. I just wish that some songs were mixed better (but if anything that adds to their charm) and that it would last longer. Also it's worth mentioning how all the songs are connected without being connected at all (just how they are connected to their next album, which we'll check out next time), which makes me love the mind behind them even more, if possible.

Final, very personal and unprofessional score: ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆

...like a secret in your throat.

[malevoversary]

LETS'S GOOOOOOO!!!

Prompt list for Malevoversary 2024!! Feel free to combine the prompts for a particular day or just pick one. I tried again to have a bit of a theme. I can’t wait to see what everyone does and remember HAVE FUN!!

Event dates: Tuesday March 26th to Monday April 1st.

Rules

Questions? Ask!

Image ID under cut

[ID: an infographic titled “Malevoversary Prompts” that is set on a light yellow banner. The text in the center sets against a darker yellow, it reads:

Tuesday 26th Arkham ▪︎ The Wraith ▪︎ Loss

Wednesday 27th The Dreamlands ▪︎ The King ▪︎ Desperation

Thursday 28th Addison ▪︎ Larson Family ▪︎ Guilt

Friday 29th New York City ▪︎ Scratch ▪︎ Trust

Saturday 30th Happy Birthday Arthur ▪︎ Partners ▪︎ Memories

Sunday 31st Side Characters ▪︎ The Order ▪︎ Devotion

Monday 1st Season 5 ▪︎ Free Choice ▪︎ Anniversary

Alternate prompts: Favorite Villain ▪︎ Poetry ▪︎ Parallels

The text Use tag #Malevoversary2024 is set against a light yellow banner. End ID]

[dandelion-wings]

New Jarch celebration ask! In your Favonius Stables AU, what does a day in Jean's life look like? Dare I ask... how many horses disrespect the fences and break out of their enclosure each day?

Thank you for asking! :D

For context, the Favonius Stables is a quite large boarding and lesson barn. I'm basing it on several I've been at over the years, but at the same time all but the first have been run by my boss, so IDK if there's anything here that's specifically characteristic of her and not barns in general. XD

Jean is the barn manager (Varka insisted on knocking "assistant" off her title several years ago; he's already the owner, he says, and he doesn't actually want to manage anyway) and Kaeya is the informal assistant manager in turn, which I mention because he's pretty integral to Jean's daily life. They both live in apartments above the barn (there's two of them and then Varka's house, on-site, where Razor lives and takes care of the Too Many Dogs dogs in Varka's absence, which stresses Jean out enormously because they're? responsible? for this unclaimed kid who is getting "alternative schooling" from Lisa and does not appear to exist in any formal records or system? Varka refuses to explain anything and so she just makes sure Razor gets food and his shots), and thus are both reliably on-call for barn emergencies. Jean is a morning person and Kaeya is a night owl, which is useful overlap!

As the morning person, on weekdays she gets up, feeds, and puts the horses out, a process which Kaeya usually wakes up during and comes down to help with about halfway through. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, they clean the stalls together, with breaks for lessons for a couple of older ladies who prefer to come out early. Jean does Alice's lessons personally, usually while Kaeya does Klee's (Klee can come during regular schooltimes because she is also getting "alternative schooling," some of which involves Alice just leaving her at the barn for the day. Jean hates this but Varka says it's fine, so all she can do is hope it's one of the days her big brother is with her), but Kaeya does most of the others.

Once stalls are clean there's all the other regular work of a barn: checking and repairing fences, stalls, etc., ordering and picking up and unloading feed and hay, maintenance on farm machinery.... There's always something broken that needs to be dealt with, that's just how it works. The farrier comes on Fridays noon to three (they have enough horses they cycle them through), there's regular vet visits (and emergency vet visits) and such, and in between all of that she has accounts and invoices and such to deal with.

Eula arrives mid-afternoon (she has a morning job) and does most of the "training" riding, though there are a few particular boarders who insist on Jean. Lisa also arrives in early afternoon and collars Razor, and Klee if she's there, for daily schoolwork.

After school lets out, the kids descend! Eula and Kaeya will be doing back-to-back lessons for the rest of the afternoon and the early evening. Tuesdays and Thursdays are Noelle's nights to do stalls; Jean will usually help her, because there's a lot of them to do, and Noelle will protest but is too polite to stop her. Jean is the "face" of the barn to prospective boarders and students, so she often has tours and such scheduled at this time, too.

Lisa finishes up with Razor around five, which for her and Jean is dinnertime, at which point Jean more-or-less clocks out unless it's an emergency (or she sees something she has to deal with, which Lisa does her best to circumvent). Kaeya finishes up lessons earlier than Eula because he does evening feeding and turnout (with Noelle's help on Tuesdays and Thursdays), and keeps an eye on everything until everyone else is gone, because Jean would do it herself otherwise.

Weekend mornings are Amber's to work, and she is a lot fiercer than Noelle about stopping Jean from helping her. On weekends Lisa (who has a part-time job with a local university) is also there to distract her; this is when Lisa might get her and Eula to go on a trail ride with her, or drag her off the barn entirely. Eula does weekend evenings. As long as Kaeya is on-site when she's off the property, Jean will let herself be dragged off for actual recreational activities! So actually she has a better work-life balance than in the KoF. XD

(She and Kaeya both have some trauma over leaving stables unattended. The Dawn Winery Stables burned down while everyone, including the staff, were up at the actual winery for Diluc's birthday, and she and Kaeya were the ones restraining Diluc after Crepus bolted into the stable.)

During the summer kids will be there all day and things are adjusted accordingly; it does mean a bit of a break for her, because those who want to ride more while school is out are usually very eager to work that extra horse time off.

As for horses disrespecting the fences:

DODOCO, ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. There is no Pony Jail that can hold him. Legitimately the only trick is to always have hay available where you want him to be.

Midnight is a little less bad but when she sees something she wants to do she's very clever.

Spin is a jumper and treats fences as suggestions; fortunately, she also has Manners and does what is Correct unless the temptation is overwhelming.

Boreas likewise is a jumper who treats fences as suggestions, and does not have Manners; since he is a stud, he is thus in Horse Penitentiary, which is usually more effective than Pony Jail unless the mares are in season, during which he goes on night turnout to prevent accidents. There has nonetheless been one little Boreas-Spin baby when Varka did not properly secure him while the mares were out, for which he apologized deeply but was not ever forgiven. (Eula trained that colt up beautifully and did make a profit, but she still doesn't appreciate the time she spent unable to ride Spin).

Dandy is also a stud, but is Extremely Polite and also not a jumper, so he does not need to live in Horse Penitentiary.

As befit their names, Blossom is a gentlewoman, and Bunny is a gentleman. They never break out unless another horse has done it first and they're just following.

Kaeya always CLAIMS he let Waltz out by accident. No one has actually SEEN Waltz disrespect a fence. And yet....

[melancholy-marionette]

Lovestarved (otome/josei jam) penultimate week progress

Sooo, it's getting to that part of a game jam where I start to panic cos I realise it's the penultimate week and there's still heaps of stuff to do x3 Thankfully, I have the majority of things working in the previewer at least! I was away from home last Thursday - this Monday, but was back to running tests on the main game as soon as I got home. Everything seems to work as it should when testing the full demo without changing MC's name & selecting she/her pronouns, but I still need to run a full test with a name change & they/them pronouns to make sure I didn't mess something up there x3 I didn't want to go right into that though after finishing my first demo playthrough test, so I started working on some video backgrounds for alternate title screens + some stuff to go in the extras section :3 It took me most of the day, but I finally managed to make a working version of a music player that has unlockable tracks, haha. I know it's not exactly the most exciting feature in the world, but it's something I've wanted to implement in my projects for a looooong time, and just haven't been able to either due to a lack of time to work on it, or lack of knowledge to know how! In all my past projects that feature music players, as a compromise, I've just locked the entire player behind a condition such as reaching a specific ending or completing the whole game. Then, once the player is unlocked, the entire soundtrack can be played regardless of whether or not you've actually encountered all the tracks while playing. It's one of those small things that's always really bothered me, haha. But in Lovetarved, you will be able to access the music player after reaching any ending or the end of the demo + individual tracks will become unlocked as you hear them while progressing through the game :3 The only thing that sucks is that I'm relatively content with the layout of the buttons for the demo, but I know it won't be able to stay like that for the full game because there are more tracks to add xD The demo will feature 18 (possibly 19, depending on whether I decide to include a certain track or not) tracks from the OST I made, but there are at least another 6 tracks that need to be added to the player in the full version >.<

Anyways, I'm gonna shut up because it's probably not particularly interesting to read me rambling about this sorta thing xD and also, there's still so much testing left to do T_T

[melancholy-of-nadia]

love u lately (m) #6 | myg/knj/pjm

title: love u lately​ chapter title: #6 - introspection pairing: yoongi x f. reader, namjoon x f. reader, jimin x f. reader (yoonminjoon x f. reader) rating/genre: m (18+) ; smut ; college/university au , pseudo frat! bts; best friends! yoonminjoon friends to lovers; summary: the end of the fall semester leaves you overwhelmed and overstimulated: final exams, presentations, and now, your friends with benefits deal with yoongi AND jimin. when you head back to your hometown for the holidays, you can't seem to stop thinking about your feelings towards your best friends and how you're going to approach this challenge in the new year. and apparently, you're not the only one going through this. warnings:  smut, spicy time in the library study room, fingering, final exam presentation because this is a college AU, toys... not for kids, y/n past relationship mentions, swearing, NAMJOON POV, more angst because they're confused college kids, y/n being in her head a lot and reflecting, very small timeskips for plot note: everyone say thank you to @daegudrama for editing this chapter! total word count: 9.6k drop date: January 9th, 2024, 12:30PM PST cross posted on AO3 here ← #5 | Series Masterlist | #7

The deal is sealed with a kiss on November 16, 20XX, an unexpected turn in your relationship with Yoongi and Jimin. As the 0309x1013 group chat was created, signaling the beginning of this uncharted journey, everyone agreed to take things slow, fully aware of the potential risks involved.

With Thanksgiving approaching, the university granted a break for the following week. Instead of heading home, you all decide to have a Friendsgiving together at the house, creating a memorable celebration. The backyard is transformed into a makeshift KBBQ haven, complete with the tantalizing aroma of grilled meats wafting through the air. In an unexpected fusion of cultures, you and Jungkook insist on having pumpkin pie for dessert.

This alternative celebration with friends spares you from the potential awkwardness of interrogations from your relatives about college life and romance. And there is no way in hell you can ever bring up your friends with benefits deal to them. You will be branded as the weird and psychotic child in the family. They may as well burn you at stake.

With more time on your hands, the week break lets you seize moments of solitude with Yoongi and Jimin, stolen kisses and playful slaps on the ass becoming commonplace. Jimin seems to enjoy the latter more, and in a surprising turn of events, Yoongi decides to adopt that habit too.

As schedules align for once, you all indulge in a Friday Night Game Night. The living room transforms for Cards Against Humanity, with soju bottles and beer adding to the spirited atmosphere. Namjoon, however, appears a bit distant, engrossed in his phone. A pang of guilt flutters in your chest, realizing he remains the only best friend unaware of the recent developments. Before you can think too deeply about it, the raucous laughter of the others brings you back to the game.

+++++++++

November 29th [THURSDAY]

The subsequent week marks dead week, a period of intense preparation for impending exams. Your focus turns to Finance, Stats, and Psych, subjects you can’t afford to fail. You were already struggling a bit a few weeks ago as you didn’t do well on your Finance midterm. So you need to get your shit together. Determined to get your academic affairs in order, you book a study room in the library, reaching out to the BTS group chat for potential study buddies. Everyone seems occupied elsewhere, except Yoongi.

Amid the hushed atmosphere of the study room, Yoongi arrives and sits next to you, bearing the weight of textbooks from his Psych classes and the impending stress of exams. The initial exchange of nods and silent acknowledgments is replaced by the persistent rustling of papers and whispering discussions on complex subjects.

As the study session progresses, the tension in the room seems to escalate. Yoongi, sensing the collective stress coming from you reading a question over and over, decides it's time for a much-needed break.

Yoongi lets out a sigh, pushing his chair back slightly. "I need a break, Angel." he admits, rubbing his temples as if trying to physically massage the stress away.

You nod in agreement, closing your textbook with a thud. "Yeah, we should take a break. I think my brain needs a reset."

Yoongi leans in, his voice low and suggestive, "Should we do something to relieve stress?"

Your eyebrows raise in curiosity. "Uh, what do you have in mind?"

You’re going to regret asking this.

A sly smile plays on Yoongi's lips as he brings up a topic that has been lingering unaddressed, "You know, you never really got your punishment for spending time with Jimin. I think it's high time we settle that."

“W-What do you mean?”

Yoongi places his hand on your knee under the table, slowly moving it and placing it in your inner thigh, nearing your heat. You gasp quietly, surprised and excited by his boldness.

“I’ll show you,” he says, looking down at you. You really decided to wear a skirt on the worst day.

You swallow hard, a lump forming in your throat. You're not sure if you're ready for this, but your body betrays you, betraying your nervousness and hesitance. He doesn't say anything else, just looks at you expectantly, waiting for your response.

Finally, you nod, the words coming out in a whispery breath, "Okay, b-but we're in a study room…what if someone sees?!"

Yoongi chuckles, "The door and windows outside this room are frosted glass, they will see people in here but won't know what they're doing." He moves his hand under your skirt, slides your panties off to the side and starts circling your bud.

His fingers dance back and forth, sending shivers down your spine. You moan softly, overwhelmed by the sensations coursing through your body. He then reaches down and gently pushes one finger inside you, stretching you open. The sensation is incredible, and you can't help but arch your back, begging for more. It’s been too long without the fullness of his fingers inside you.

His digits move inside faster, and you try to cover your mouth before getting louder, fearing people outside will know what you're doing. It's almost like you can hear their whispers, taste your own fear that someone might catch you. But, Yoongi's eyes are locked onto you, and he knows exactly what he's doing. He leans in and kisses you, his tongue darting out to taste you, his lips demanding more than just a taste. Your body is on fire now, your heart races, and your breath hitches at every touch, every thrust. He pulls you close, his body pressing against yours, and you can't help but grind against his hands, seeking more of him.

It's then that you lose yourself, your body convulsing and trembling under his touch. Yoongi lets out an intense groan, in reaction to her squirming delight from his digits reaching the right spots.

You collapse back onto the chair, panting and sweating. Yoongi pulls your panties back in place and he opens your text book, reading the question .

“Mary has obtained a $10,000 loan to buy a used car. She is considering 12, 24, and 48-month loans, all of which carry an annual interest rate of 6%. Which of the following statements is true?” Yoongi reads, glancing at you for an answer.

“I hate you so much.” You scoff, covering your flushed face. You can’t believe he really went from fingering you and back to studying, well, helping you study now like it’s nothing. “And the answer is ‘A longer loan period means she will pay more total interest’!”

Yoongi's low chuckle ripples through the room, a mixture of amusement and a hint of satisfaction. He leans back, a playful glint in his eyes as he takes in your blushing and slightly disheveled appearance. The aftermath of a brief interlude from studying seems to have lightened the mood, and he can't help but revel in his revenge move.

"Post-nut clarity does wonders, doesn't it, angel?" he teases, a mischievous smile tugging at the corners of his lips. The humor in his tone lingers, adds an extra layer of playfulness to the moment. "Glad I could assist."

“Please, shut up!”

Yoongi's low chuckle fills the room again as he leans back in his chair, still basking in the aftermath of the unconventional study break. "You know, I'm just trying to make sure you remember the material. Practical application, right?"

Rolling your eyes, you reach for your water bottle, taking a long sip to cool down the lingering warmth on your face. "Practical application, my ass. You just wanted an excuse to finally get back at me.”

"Hey, it worked, didn't it?" He smirks, closing the textbook with a decisive snap. "Now, back to studying for your Finance final."

“You’re unbelievable, Min Yoongi.” You groan dramatically, but you can't deny that maybe this helped you destress.

+++++++++++++++

DECEMBER 4TH [TUESDAY]

The week swiftly transitions into finals, marked by a cascade of exams and the pressure building up for the impending challenges. The first two days witness you navigating through three exams, managing to hold your own despite the weight of academic stress.

Amidst the stress, Jin's birthday slipped your mind. The oversight dawns on you during the marketing group project presentation run-through. The team, a makeshift family made during this semester, surprises Jin with a chocolate lunchbox cake adorned with a Mario frosting doodle. Thank God someone else remembered. The makeshift Mario-themed cake adds a touch of joy to the moment, catching Jin off guard.

"Hyejin, I really thought that box was just extra food from the dining hall." Jin chuckles as he is about to take a bite of the cake. Hwasa playfully kicks him in the butt, laughter echoing in the room. Amid the small birthday celebration, the impending final marketing presentation remains a looming challenge.

The team urges you to lead the presentation, praising your storytelling skills that you tend to downplay. Jimin and Jin offer words of encouragement, reassuring you that your ability to make things work out will shine through once again. As you contemplate the final tomorrow, you hope things will go well. For now, the celebratory atmosphere provides a momentary reprieve before the final academic hurdle of the semester.

+++++++++++++++

DECEMBER 5TH [WEDNESDAY]

The following day arrives, and you find yourself standing in the seminar classroom, ready to deliver your In-N-Out marketing presentation. Unlike the typical lecture hall, the business school's seminar classrooms mimic real-world business meetings, focusing attention on the speaker.

Dressed in a crisp white collared blouse paired with a sleek black pencil skirt, you exude professionalism. The subtle hum of the pantyhose beneath your attire and the comfort of loafers complete the polished look, projecting confidence and sophistication as you prepare to engage your audience. The rest of your team members are dressed in similar fashion, with black slacks and white collared shirts. Jimin, Jin, and Matthew sport black ties as well.

You begin the presentation with a captivating introduction: "Ladies and gentlemen, today, we're delving into the world of In-N-Out – not just a fast-food chain, but a West Coast staple and a testament to effective marketing. Let's talk about why people don't just eat at In-N-Out; they love it, and we're about to uncover the secrets behind their success."

As you, Hwasa, Matthew, Jin and Jimin weave through the details of In-N-Out's marketing strategy, emphasizing its family-oriented approach and the cult-like following it has garnered, the room becomes animated with engaged reactions from your peers. The dialogue is punctuated with anecdotes about the brand's iconic status, creating an atmosphere of hunger and nostalgia.

The end of your presentation is met with applause and excitement. To add to the celebration, Matthew surprises the class with several boxes of In-N-Out animal style fries. That was his idea to entice the audience and the judge, Professor Kim. The gesture not only elevates the experience but also earns cheers from your hungry classmates, turning the presentation into a shared moment of enjoyment. Even your professor can't help but express pride in the engaging and delicious conclusion to your marketing showcase.

As the final comes to an end, your team members shower you with congratulations for delivering an exceptional presentation, with special praise for your captivating introduction and conclusion. Professor Kim approaches your team, a smile on her face, to deliver the good news. She informs you that you all received an A on the final project. Although she hasn't graded the paper portion yet, the impressive effort you put into the project leads her to believe it's bound to be another automatic A.

Walking back home with Jimin, you think about how the success of the presentation and the positive feedback from your professor lifts your spirits.

“Honey, I actually ended up getting you something for working hard throughout the semester on this project. Consider it an early christmas gift too?” Jimin speaks as his hand is shuffling inside his pocket to find the keys to the front door.

Jimin got you a present? You thought it was a little odd, but not completely unlike him to do something like that. He’s always been kind, and while his love language is clearly physical touch, gift giving ties with words of affirmation as a second.

“A gift? You shouldn’t have, Jiminie. Like, really!” You insisted your best friend, walking in once he opens the door.

“It’s nothing! It’s up in my room. I’ll come right over to your room once i grab it.”

You nod, heading upstairs to your room right next to Jimin’s. You don’t know why, but when someone suddenly says they get you something, you can’t help but feel a little nervous. What could he have possibly gotten that he insists on giving it to you before Christmas. Maybe it’s food? There is a bakery off campus that has special made-to-order seasonal pies. You remember going with Jimin and Taehyung to get a pumpkin cream pie there last year, but you were too busy this semester to have time to order one.

Well…

You’re not too far from that guess. Actually you were very far off from any potential thought of what this man could have gifted you, but when Jimin enters your room holding a relatively small black box, you know for a fact that this is not food.

“Here,” Jimin hands you the box, which feels slightly heavy. “Open it.”

Jimin’s eyes and lips turn into crescent moons as he sits on the bed next to you. Oh this can’t be good. You give him a weird glance before going ahead and opening the black box.

What you find in there, makes you yelp and you drop the box which causes the object in it to plop out onto the floor.

“Jimin, what the fuck!”

Suppressing his giggles, Jimin maintains a hushed tone to avoid drawing attention to the two of you in your room. You hope to God that no one else is in this house right now, but given what has happened previously, there’s always one other person somewhere.

"You got me a sex toy… Why would you buy this?!" you whisper with a blend of surprise and agitation, not quite sure what to make of the unexpected gift. You never expected Jimin to get you something like this. And if this were any other situation, you’d probably laugh, but all you can do is look at Jimin with a mortified expression.

Jimin, unable to suppress his laughter any longer, bursts into a fit of giggles. He quickly places a hand over his mouth, attempting to stifle the noise. You, on the other hand, are still grappling with the absurdity of the situation as you stare at the rose-shaped adult toy lying innocently on the floor.

"I thought you could use a little stress relief," Jimin finally manages to say between laughs. "And we did talk about experimentation before, so I wanted to try this on you. I kept seeing people talk online about it so i wanna use it on you."

His words make your face blush red rapidly. You pick up the toy, and now closely examining it to see that it is indeed one of those rose-shaped clit sucking sex toys that have been trending online, however this one comes attached to a vibrating dildo at the bottom of the rose.

You can’t believe he got you a fucking vibrating clit sucking toy and dildo.

This isn’t a pumpkin cream pie you were hoping for, but this could be involved in other cream pies.

And he’s right. You were keen on the idea of experimenting new things involving sex, and while other things like bdsm crossed your mind first, using sex toys wasn’t really a thought at all. You hadn’t done too much with the two men, but you’ve been pretty satisfied giving or receiving oral or an occasional quickie.

“Hey, hey, darling. I thought we could try it, but if you’re not comfortable with this, we don’t have to do it.” he speaks up before you can speak out your own thoughts. But you really don’t know what else to say besides ‘what the fuck’. You’re so shocked that you can’t even react or talk properly.

“We? You want us to try this?” you ask slowly, looking back at your best friend that gives you a short nod. He wants to try this himself?! Or did he mean use it on you?

“I mean you can try it when you’re alone, it’s totally up to you.”

“What? No! ” you shake your head.

“I just want to help make you feel good. You’re already doing so much being with Yoongi hyung and I. Sex with you feels so amazing, and I don’t know if you feel the same, so I thought this would help emphasize those feelings.”

Sex with Jimin feels so liberating, so sensual. It is definitely a contrast from fucking Yoongi, which makes you feel secure and comfort. Fuck, Y/N. If you’re doing this deal to figure out your feelings, it’s not going to be easy. You care about both of them equally. You can’t fathom being without either of them in your life.

“Is this something you want to try?” you ask him curiously, and you see him relax when he notices your interest and that you’re no longer overthinking his present.

“If you want to,” he answers seriously, which causes you to glare at him. “We can just try the roses’ function to start and then the dildo depending how you feel?”

The thought of him using this toy piques your curiosity and brings a tinge of excitement. It's new territory for you. You've only been with a total of 4 people in your life. And you’ve never had the balls to buy something like this, not even when you wanted to pleasure yourself. Your fingers could do only so little inside you and flicking the bean, that you often ended up more frustrated with no orgasm.

“Okay, let’s try it.” You walk towards your door, locking it, and turning back to sit on your bed. “Also, when did you even buy this?”

Jimin chuckles, taking your hand as he laces his fingers with your own. “I had passed a sex shop the other day I went out to buy something else. So I got it, hid it in my room, and waited. It wasn’t easy.” he answers, watching you as you grab the vibrator again with your free hand and examine the object.

“With this much functionality, it looks expensive?”

“Oh trust me, it was. I got it in pastel pink because it’s cute just like your pussy.” He pouts, making you reflexively hit him in the arm. “I’d get anything for you, my love.”

Oh fuck, your heart is beating fast.

“Jimin, you joke a lot, but don’t say stuff like that.” You murmur, avoiding his eyes while looking at the sex toy.

“But why not? It’s true!” He tells you honestly, placing a kiss on your cheek, making you sigh at the feeling.

But what’s true? That he genuinely means you’re his love or that he’ll get you anything?

Things like this mess with your head. It makes you think things like him actually being in love with you is a possibility. But he wouldn’t fall for you. You know how Jimin has always been. Hopping from one person to another. You’re not entirely sure what feelings he has to sort out for him to be involved in this deal, but maybe the casual sex with his best friend is a temporary bliss for him to indulge in pleasure. But there is a part of you that does think otherwise.

The way he carries himself when he’s around you is much different than how he is with other girls, even previously with Irene. He’s truly himself, constantly showering you with love and physical affection even when others are looking, making you wish he could freely kiss you and fuck you senselessly. You wonder if he realizes this contrast as well. Though for him, these actions might just come natural when he’s around you. He has known you for almost a decade. Other people really don’t bat an eye at that like at the halloween party. And when you return that energy back at him, what does that really say about how you feel about Jimin?

Is this love?

Maybe the excessive release of sex hormones are getting to your head. You should just focus on indulging in the pleasure and go all out while you’re still in college. It’ll probably end sooner or later. As it should. Maybe Jimin and Yoongi should find someone else that isn’t as indecisive as you.

“Let’s try it.” you speak up, slowly handing out the toy to Jimin as his eyes widen in shock.

“Right now? Really? You looked kinda scared earlier.” he asks, eyes filled with worry but also a hidden excitement behind them.

“I did look scared, didn’t I?,” You laugh, “But I want to try this. Gotta live it up while I still can.” You assure him, giving him a slight smile he returns.

Giving you a little nod, he leans in next to you, reaching your lips for a kiss. He gives a few pecks to them, before he stands up and hovers over you. Reaching for his white collared shirt and clutching it in a fist, you pull him towards you which surprises him and causes him to stumble back.

He pins you down with his darkened eyes meanwhile a satisfied grin appears on his plump lips as your back meets the mattress. When his lips press against your jaw, neck and slowly move at the top of your blouse-covered breasts, you feel yourself arching from the bed in a desperate need to feel him more and closer. While his lips are preoccupied with your exposed skin that is available to his mouth, Jimin’s hands are too busy gripping your hips, ass.

He leans down, pulling off your pantyhose, your pencil skirt, and then your white lace panties. The sight of your bare pussy never ceases to amaze him.

“You looked hot in your professional business lady outfit, but I like seeing you without anything on.”

You giggle at his silly remark. Typical horny college student.

He presses the rose toy against your sensitive clit, and you shiver at the contact. He turns it on, the first setting of soft vibrations already sending shocks of pleasure coursing through your body.

Your breath starts to quicken as Jimin presses on to modes of vibrations, intensifying the feeling inside you. You close your eyes, feeling light-headed from the pleasure and anticipation. Meanwhile, Jimin's free hand continue to roam, exploring every inch of your body. He somehow manages to unbutton your white blouse with one hand and then pushes up your lilac floral bra to get a view of your breasts. He massages them gently, pinching your nipples up between his fingers.

As the vibrations reach a higher pitch, you can feel your body becoming more and more aroused. You’re worried that it sounds too loud, but before you can ponder it more, you moan softly, unable to resist the pleasure that's building inside you.

“F-Fuck…”

Jimin grins wickedly, his eyes never leaving your flushed face. "Feeling good, Y/N?"

You nod, unable to form words. Your body is now a mass of need, every muscle tensing and releasing in waves of pleasure.

With that, the vibration gets more intense and faster, your clit throbbing almost painfully while Jimin starts rubbing the rose at your most sensitive spot. This feeling is different – you’ve never felt this kind of pleasure before. You suddenly understand Jimin's eagerness to try something new and trying sex toys was something you never thought you'd experience. He’s truthful to his words, wanting to help you feel pleasure through different ways.

The new pleasant feeling makes your whole body shiver, or maybe it’s Jimin's dark lustful eyes hovering over with dark hair falling onto his face, or it’s a simple combination of both that takes you over the edge before you can even realize it. With another rub and skilful twist of his wrist, you’re instantly cumming undone just from the set of vibration. Legs shakingly in the air from the intensity, liquid squirting out which you never thought your body could do.

Holy shit.

Jimin rides you through it, slowing down the vibration until he fully turns it off when you're left breathless.

"How was it?" he smirks, watching your chest rise and fall as you catch your breath, waiting for you to glance back at him. “I can’t believe that made you squirt, has that ever happened to you before?”

"You're fucking crazy…” The residual tingles linger, and a sly grin crosses your face as you appreciate the Jimin’s spontaneity. “I’ve never actually squirted in my life so I guess it was that good then?”

“Really? Never?” Jimin asks, feeling prideful for being the first one to get you to squirt. “God, I wish I could brag about this.”

“Yeah, but would you please help me clean up because we yet again ruined another set of sheets.” You giggle as you get up from the wet spot, feeling cold, sticky and in need of a shower. Jimin, already an experienced cleaner, goes to grab extra bedding from your closet.

You somehow manage to survive the semester. Barely.

+++++++++++++++++++

December 8th [SATURDAY]

On Saturday, the whole house is buzzing with activity as everyone packs their luggage or duffle bags to head back home for the holidays after finals. Since all of you are from the same hometown, you've decided to carpool in the only two vehicles you have available: Jin's car, carrying Taehyung, Jungkook, and Hoseok, and Jimin's car, with you, Namjoon, and Yoongi.

As Jimin pulls up to your street, a sense of nostalgia washes over you. The familiar houses, the tree-lined streets, and the cozy neighborhood covered in Christmas decor evoke nostalgic memories. At the end of the cul-de-sac, are two houses where you and Namjoon live. Jimin and Yoongi drop you both off, bidding you goodbye for the time being.

“You won’t get rid off us for long,” Yoongi chuckles as he moves to sit on the front passenger seat, which you previously sat on. You get car sick if you’re in the back.

“Yeah, you two will see us around! Probably one more than the other.” Jimin winks at you, knowing that these words are definitely targeted at you. Namjoon has no idea of the meaning behind the words. Though you don’t know if you end up having any rendezvous with them during the break. Too risky.

“Okay, okay! You two better get home before your moms decide to call me worried about your whereabouts.” You shoo them away. “Don’t forget to text me about whatever you decide to do during break.”

“We will,” Yoongi waves to the both of you as Jimin turns the car around the cul-de-sac to leave, Namjoon and you watch as Jimin's car drives away until it disappears around the corner. The air is crisp, and the quietness of the suburban streets contrasts with the bustling holiday season. Namjoon turns to look at you, with a smile, “Well I’ll be sure to come over one of these days to hang out and send my greetings to your parents.”

You giggle at his politeness, “I know you just want to come over and eat the Christmas treats my mom is going to whip up, so yes, you’re to come over Joonie.”

The two of you share a slightly awkward silence before Namjoon breaks it with a warm hug. There's something about him embracing you in public that leaves you feeling flustered. This isn’t the first time that it has happened, but you can't help but notice the subtle reddening of your cheeks. As he pulls away, you hope he doesn't catch on, but he seems more focused on grabbing his luggage from the ground. With a quick "bye," he leaves you standing there, slightly dumbfounded.

What was that?

You shake your head, deciding to give yourself more time to think about it once you’re settled back in your room.

You approach your front door and knock. The familiar scent of home envelops you as your sister swings it open, excitement evident in her words as she wraps you in a tight hug. Stepping aside, she ushers you into the house. Your parents are at work, and won't be back until evening. Despite the months that have passed since you were last home, returning after a college break always feels a bit strange. The absence of the usual ruckus created by the other guys intensifies the void of loneliness.

In your room, you sit and stare at your phone, mindlessly scrolling through TikToks and other apps for hours. Eventually, you decide to lock your phone and gaze up at the ceiling, contemplating the different atmosphere and reflection of the fall semester in the quiet surroundings of your family home.

This is too much alone time to overthink.

It's also the first moment of peace you've had. It suddenly hits you — you're entangled with two out of your three best friends. It feels insane, and a month into this arrangement, your emotions remain tangled and unsorted. What the fuck are you going to do? There’s no game plan to this and it kind of scares you. There's also a particular aspect you've been avoiding, a name that lingers in your conscience: Namjoon.

You do feel guilt over doing this behind Namjoon's back. And a part of you hurts doing this too. It doesn’t feel right. He doesn’t deserve that either.

Now with Jimin joining this thing that you have with Yoongi, you wonder if Namjoon would be willing to do that too. You're aware that he's no longer with Jihyo, but whether he's involved with someone else, you're uncertain. The image of him on his phone during the card game flashes in your mind, but amid the chaos, you've been preoccupied with managing your own emotions and keeping everything under wraps.

No. Namjoon, the most logic-driven member in your quad and whole Beta Tau Sigma house would never. That’s like crazy. What kind of sane person is friends with benefits with three people at the same time? You can barely handle two people, let alone three. And as you had already thought before, what will the end result be? You only end up with one of them. And what about the other two?

Things would be easier if you could all be in a polyamorous relationship.

That’s only a dream though. No way that could happen when society is still iffy when it comes to sam sex relationships.

But not having Namjoon in the mix feels like you can’t properly settle things.

You don’t think Namjoon has those types of feelings or thoughts of you because he’s known you the longest. He's been there from the beginning, witnessing your growth and sharing a bond that transcends mere friendship. Family. In his eyes, you're more like a little sister, a connection resembling the one he has with his actual sibling, Kyeongmin, navigating her freshman year at a different college.

Your phone pinged unexpectedly, prompting you to check the 0309x1013 group chat.

Yoongi [4:21 PM]: Can we change the gc name to something else?

You decide to reply.

You [4:21 PM]: All of a sudden?

Yoongi [4:22 PM]: It’s too sus.

Yoongi [4:22 PM]: My brother was getting ideas when he saw my phone light up.

Yoongi [4:22 PM]: He said he saw a dating scandal break out with a group chat named with dates in Korea.

Jimin [4:23 PM]: LMAO

Jimin [4:23 PM]: I got an idea for a new name just now.

[[Jimin changed the GC name to ‘The Sanctuary’]]

Yoongi [4:25 PM]: The Sanctuary?

Jimin [4:26 PM]: It’s a SONG I really like right now.

Jimin [4:26 PM]: I think this name fits the purpose of this gc really well.

You [4:27 PM]: I like it c;

You [4:27 PM]: You guys are my sanctuary c:

Yoongi [4:29 PM]: …

Jimin [4:30 PM]: LOL not hyung being flustered. Jimin [4:30 PM]: this is too funny!! i never see him like this Yoongi [4:32 PM]: Aye....

Yoongi [4:32 PM]: She needs to stop..

Yoongi [4:32 PM]: you're being too cute honey! >:3

You find it adorable when Yoongi gets flustered, which doesn’t happen too often. You’re glad you have these two around, as close as you could possibly have them all to yourself. Is this selfish? Well isn't that what love is about? To be a bit selfish in wanting those you care about close to you? Shaking off those contemplative thoughts, you focus on the playful banter within the group chat.

++++++++++

December 10th [Monday]

On Monday morning, a text from Kyeongmin brightens your day. The invitation to join their family for some homemade kimchi is too tempting to resist. You slip out of your pajamas, opting for flared jeans and a cozy turtleneck, then head next door.

Kyeongmin greets you with a warm hug, exclaiming, "Unnie! It's been a while! How have you been?" She gestures for you to come inside, and you gladly accept.

"I've been good! It's been an eventful semester, to say the least," you reply. As you step in, Namjoon's mom, Mrs. Kim, peeks out from the kitchen.

"Namjoon hasn't been giving you a hard time, has he?" she teases. You smile at her, appreciating the familiarity of the Kim family home.

"Hi, Mrs. Kim! At the start, I would say he was, but he's been good. How are you doing?" you ask, approaching her.

"I'm doing good, sweetheart. I'm glad Joonie has been a good sport," she replies. Mrs. Kim hands you chopsticks with a piece of kimchi, urging you to eat. You gladly oblige, savoring the familiar taste.

"Thank you! Luckily, Yoongi and Seokjin were in charge of cooking, so we were able to eat well," you share.

"Is Oppa still a terrible cook?" Kyeongmin snickers as she chewed a mouthful of food.

"Haha, actually, he's been improving, thanks to Yoongi. He can make really good carbonara now," you giggle as you praise Namjoon, who coincidentally enters the dining room and takes a seat.

"Oh, Y/N, you're here!" he exclaims in a sleepy voice. Dressed in a black tank top and grey sweatpants, he seems to have just woken up.

"Did you really just wake up?" you tease.

"Yeah, because I was resting. The whole point of the break, Honey,"

"I like to be more productive with my breaks, Joonie," you smirk, earning an eye roll from Namjoon.

Mrs. Kim ushers you to join Namjoon at the table, setting up an array of banchan in front of both of you before placing bowls of Doenjang-jjigae as well.

"So, what's the move for today?" you ask.

"I had plans to go meet up with someone," Namjoon replies.

"Someone?" you inquire.

"Was it that girl you were on the phone with last night?" Kyeongmin adds, and Namjoon chokes on his kimchi.

"Kyeong!"

You can't help but wonder if your suspicions about Namjoon seeing someone are accurate.

"What? There's no reason for you to be hiding that from Y/N. She's your best friend, after all," Kyeongmin remarks. Her words strike a chord in your heart.

"I'm not seeing anyone, Kyeong. Y/N would be the first to know if I was, right, Y/N?" Namjoon looks at you.

You hum, "Mm, I don't know, Namjoon. You didn't tell me about you and Jihyo until October." Namjoon’s eyes widen at the mention of his technically ex-girlfriend in front of his sister. His mom is too occupied looking for something in the pantry to hear.

"Oh my God, you had a girlfriend?!" Kyeongmin gasps.

"Well…" Namjoon clears his throat, "We ended things before we made it official."

"Why?" Kyeongmin looks at both of you, hoping for an explanation.

"It's complicated," he vaguely replies, and the topic is dropped. The room falls into a brief silence as you all continue to eat.

"Y/N, are you seeing someone?" Mrs. Kim asks as she enters the dining room with more kimchi.

"N-No," you stammer, catching Namjoon's eyes. "I've been focused on my studies too much to look for love."

"Oh, you're such a studious girl," she praises, patting your back. "I was thinking of setting you up with my friend's son. His name is Lee Dongmin. He goes to a lovely private university down south. You'd love him!"

"Mom," Namjoon warns, a certain look in his eyes.

Trying to lighten the situation, you giggle, "Thank you, Mrs. Kim. I'll think about it and let you know."

After finishing your meal, washing the dishes, and bidding farewell to the Kim family, you return home. As Mrs. Kim closes the door, Namjoon heads back to his room, avoiding eye contact.

"I see you still get jealous," his mom observes, aware of the feelings Namjoon harbors for you.

He shakes his head, "I don't think it would be a good idea."

"Why do you say that?"

"I just know that Yoongi and Jimin probably feel the same way. Maybe even more guys at school feel the same way too. I don't know how I compare to them," he admits, leaving his mother sighing in the living room over her son's reluctance to express his feelings.

++++++++++++++++

December 12th [Wednesday]

It's around noon on December 12th, a Wednesday, when Namjoon decides to surprise you with an unannounced visit. He has a habit of dropping by unexpectedly, assuming you wouldn't have any weekday plans during winter break. However, today, he's in for a surprise himself.

Expecting to find you in your usual winter break attire – Christmas green and blue plaid pajama pants and a band t-shirt – he's taken aback. Your eyes light up at the sight of him, clearly not anticipating his presence. Namjoon sneaks a glance at your outfit, a grey roll neck knit sweater dress paired with thigh-high black felt boots. He quickly shifts his gaze back to your face, hoping you didn't catch him checking you out. Are you actually dressed to go out?

"O-Oh hey, Joon! What's up?" you greet him.

"Hey, uh, I came over to hang out with you, but I see you have plans?"

"Oh, um," you look down at your well-put-together outfit, a bit embarrassed he caught you dressed up, "I had plans to hang out with Yoongi, actually, but something came up, so now I'm dressed up to be at home."

Yoongi? Fuck. His mind briefly flits to bad thoughts of you two together, but he quickly dismisses it. We're all friends here. Yoongi wouldn't do that. Still, his insecurities have been getting the better of him lately.

"Yoongi?" Namjoon sounds more surprised than he intended.

"Yeah, we were going to go out shopping for Christmas gifts," you explain. Namjoon mentally sighs in relief. "But his mom is dragging him to help with some church fundraising event selling soondae soup."

Namjoon makes a mental note to thank Mrs. Min silently. This unexpected turn of events gives him the chance to hang out with you alone for the first time in forever.

"So what I'm hearing is that you're free?" he teases, leaning against the doorway and looking at you.

"Depends," you pucker your lips in thought, "What did you have in mind?"

Namjoon knows you're mostly a homebody, except for those spontaneous bursts of energy. He treads carefully with his suggestion, aware that one wrong move could lead you to decline his invitation. But there's one thing he's pretty sure you won't refuse.

"Want to get boba?"

"Boba?!" Bingo. Your eyes widen with excitement. "Is it from the place I'm thinking of?"

“Tea-cha!” You both exclaim in unison. Tea-cha is a familiar spot, closely located to the neighborhood where you both reside. It holds sentimental value, being the place you both frequented after school back in your high school. The boba might not be that great, but he knows the pure nostalgia makes you crave it whenever you're back home.

"Just like old times," Namjoon remarks, gazing deeply into your eyes. A dark, coffee like color that glistens stars made up of tiny sugar crystals. Always mesmerizing, he thinks to himself.

"Okay, but I'll drive!" you offer, grabbing the keys and your bag hanging on the hooks next to your door. "I can't believe you still don't have your license after all this time." You laugh, but he's always been apprehensive about the prospect of getting into an accident. With all his friends driving, he hasn't felt the urgent need to obtain a license.

"Shut up, tiny. I'll get it someday."

+++++++++++++++

You navigate your trusty black sedan while Namjoon occupies the passenger seat, engrossed in scrolling through his phone to peruse the menu.

Arriving at Tea-cha, he takes the initiative to place your order: strawberry green tea with honey boba, 25% sweetness, and light ice. He beams with pride about knowing your preferred drink, and you can't help but giggle at his enthusiasm. For himself, he opts for a roasted oolong milk tea with honey boba. As you reach for your card to settle the bill, he swiftly taps his own card on the machine.

Already using up gas and driving, covering the boba tab is the least he could do.

After securing your boba drinks, you decide to take a trip down memory lane and drive to your old high school.

Sitting in the empty student parking lot, Namjoon cues up his favorite playlist, guided by your impeccable taste in music. "Ride" by HYBS fills the car, creating a nostalgic atmosphere as you sip your drinks and gaze out at the familiar football field. The landscape around is serene, with birds gliding by and the leafless trees standing against the winter chill.

As the soft melodies of the playlist envelop the car, your conversation with Namjoon takes on a myriad of trivial topics. From discussing the latest quirky memes circulating on the internet to reminiscing about the absurdities of his high school years, the range of subjects is as diverse as your friendship.

At one point, you find yourselves debating the merits of various fast-food items, playfully arguing over the supremacy of McDonald's fries versus Burger King's onion rings. Namjoon can't help but chuckle at your passionate defense.

The conversation then shifts to your shared love for classic literature, with Namjoon excitedly recommending a new novel he recently discovered. You, in turn, share your fascination with a contemporary author you had just discovered during your break. Namjoon made a mental note to get you a book by them for Christmas.

The triviality of the topics is what makes these moments special to him, like exchanging anecdotes about your friends or laughing about the virginity race from high school.

You asked, curiosity evident in your eyes, "Speaking of people, who did you end up seeing on Monday?"

The question catches Namjoon off guard. He wasn’t trying to hide who he was going to go see, but also didn’t want to give you the wrong idea.

"Oh, uh, I met up with Soyoon," he carefully admits, the words carrying a sharp feeling as he voice them out.

"Soyoon? As in my coworker and friend, Hwang Soyoon?"

"Yeah," he responds, sensing a shift in the atmosphere. A fleeting thought crossed his mind— maybe that wasn’t a good idea. He mentally curses Kyeongmin for bringing it up on Monday and you hearing it.

"Shit," he mutters internally, realizing that this could imply that he likes Soyoon. He fidgeted, contemplating the consequences of his openness.

"Ah, didn't know she was your type," you remark casually, resuming the rhythmic sip of your drink. There it is. The one thing he knew you’d jump to conclude.

"I said I'm not seeing anyone," he protests, a hint of defensiveness in his tone. "We're just talking." He tries to steer the conversation away from misconceptions, emphasizing his purely platonic interactions with Soyoon.

You, however, narrow your eyes, a gesture that did not escape Namjoon's notice. "About ART! She’s helping me with something." he clarifies.

"Okay, Joonie, whatever you say," you respond, your tone carrying a subtle playfulness.

The conversation takes an unforeseen turn when Namjoon, succumbing to an unspoken frustration, poses a question he instantly regrets.

"What about you? Dressing up all cute to hang out with Yoongi?" The words slipped out, revealing an undercurrent of bitterness at the perceived shift in your priorities.

A sharp pang lingers within him. You've been spending more time with Yoongi and Jimin, which is starting to create a growing distance visible in his eyes.

He still remembers when Yoongi called him out back at Jimin’s birthday for not knowing your favorite drink. He still remembers when he saw you dancing giddily across the room with Jimin at Matthew’s halloween party. He still remembers hearing you, Yoongi, and Jimin laughing and talking from inside your room before he went up to call you over to the living room. He feels like an outsider these days, observing you in the light as he stands in the darkness, feeling pathetic and alone.

"It’s just Yoongi, Namjoon," you sigh, your feet shifting nervously, "Why are you always so overprotective of me?"

Because I don’t want to lose you to someone else.

Because I am actually in love with you?

And the thought of you being with someone else pisses me the fuck off.

Those are phrases running through Namjoon’s mind as he struggles with this dilemma, but doesn’t have the guts to say to you or anyone for that matter. Didn’t Jihyo say to get his shit sorted out? He’s really fucking up by remaining complacent to his current lifestyle because he is scared of getting you hurt.

The honesty in your response strikes a chord in him, but his internal fights find expression as he admits, "I’m sorry. It’s just, there’s been a lot on my mind lately. I feel like I don’t really know you anymore."

You register Namjoon's words with a mix of surprise and concern, the air around you heavy with unspoken tension. It's a moment suspended in the confines of your car, and Namjoon feels the weight of his own admission.

"I mean, everything's changed since we got to college, and it's not just with relationships or whatever," Namjoon continues, his eyes drifting to the nostalgia-inducing surroundings of your high school parking lot. “And I just…I've noticed you acting differently, feeling distant from me and I don't know how to navigate that." Namjoon admits, a hint of vulnerability seeping into his voice. His gaze searches your face for a sign, a cue that would unravel the mystery behind your recent actions.

You remain quiet, your eyes reflecting a complexity that eludes him. He fears pushing too hard, sensing that any additional pressure might push you further away. The car feels heavy with internal thoughts, the music’s hum a backdrop to the charged atmosphere.

"I guess I've been feeling…alone," Namjoon continues, his fingers tracing an absent pattern on the boba cup. "And seeing you with Yoongi, Jimin, and everyone, it's like…like the pieces don't fit the way they used to."

Your eyes soften, registering the sincerity in his words. A sense of deja vu in his words from a similar feeling from nights ago that he doesn’t know. Yet, there's a hesitancy, a wall that has grown between you two, making Namjoon wonder if it's a chasm that can be bridged.

"I know it's not fair to expect things to stay the same. We're all changing, I get that," he confesses, the weight of unspoken sentiments settling in the space between you, "But it feels like I'm losing you."

The admission lingers in the air.

"I felt the same way, actually," you confess, the words breaking the heavy silence. “When you started to talking to Jihyo last year and then you two sleeping with each other, even when Jimin started to get more invested in his relationship with Irene… I was feeling so left out.”

Namjoon wasn’t aware you felt that way. He left you with Yoongi, because Yoongi was someone he trusted would protect you. He wasn’t sure if Yoongi liked you in a romantic sense, but then at some point, he became worried he could’ve changed his mind.

”But I had Yoongs with me, and while it was a rough few months, he was always there to save me from falling into a dark void.”

Namjoon remembers the first time you fell into that dark void. You had become close friends with Yeonjun during your senior year as you both competed to be in the top 10 of your graduating class. You then invited him as your date to Seokjung’s wedding to spite Namjoon who had brought a date himself. He didn’t think you two were seeing each other until he saw you two kiss in the garden outside the reception. For some reason, that sight tore his heartstrings and debunked his previous thoughts.

Then the day he had gone up to campus to help you move into the dorm was the day he decided to end things. He’s still not sure why. Though, Namjoon hated that fucker for deciding to do that right as you were starting your new life. Yoongi saw it happen and was the first to comfort you. Then him and Jimin rushed to your aid as they went to buy snacks to celebrate the move-in. Yeonjun was lucky he wasn’t going to the same college as you. Namjoon would’ve made his life a living hell until the kid dropped out or transferred.

”So please don’t feel that way Namjoon. You have me. You have Yoongi, Jimin, everyone in the house and even those not living there. You have Soyoon too.”

Soyoon. She was a nice girl, different from Jihyo and you. Against the norms and all for breaking boundaries in art. He relates to that. He could have fallen for her if his heart wasn’t deadset on you. It’s been that way for years and he didn’t want to keep running from you anymore. Soyoon was actually helping him find the chance to tell you.

Namjoon absorbs your words, his mind processing the layers of emotion and revelation that have unfolded in this unexpected conversation. The honesty you've shared lays bare the intricacies of your feelings, illuminating a side of your experience he hadn't fully comprehended.

"I appreciate you saying that, Y/N," Namjoon begins, his voice sincere. "I never realized the impact my actions had on you. I guess I was so caught up in my own struggles that I didn't see how it affected you."

Namjoon finds himself drawing closer to you, the subtle shift in his posture closing the physical distance between you two. He can feel the warmth radiating from your presence, a comfort that transcends words. In the quietude of shared history, he inches closer, his gaze locked onto your warm coffee eyes.

"You've always been my constant, Y/N," he murmurs, the sincerity in his voice threaded with vulnerability. "making me feel grounded when I become overwhelmed."

The words lingers in the small space between you, and as his eyes meet yours, there's an understanding. Namjoon's hand instinctively reaches up, fingers gently brushing a strand of hair from your face. The touch is tender, a silent acknowledgment of the unspoken connection that has woven itself through the tapestry of your friendship.

A soft blush graces your cheeks, an involuntary reaction to the proximity that leaves Namjoon captivated by your charm. He finds your bashfulness endearing.

The air is charged with a different energy, one that goes beyond friendship and borders of emotions you can’t pinpoint. Yet, in this delicate dance of shared frustrations and questions, Namjoon chooses to tread carefully, aware that some feelings are better left unsaid for now. The car becomes a cocoon, shielding you both from the world outside, as the echoes of lost words reverberate in the uncharted space between friends.

"I think we should head back…" you say, breaking the subtle tension that had wrapped around you both. The vulnerability shared in this moment needs time to settle, and the familiar grounds of your past are safer than the uncharted territories you've inadvertently explored.

Namjoon nods, his hand gently retracting from its intimate proximity.

“Y-Yeah, definitely.” He stutters, which isn’t a common thing for him. You find that cute though.

The drive back to your neighborhood is filled with a comfortable silence, punctuated by the occasional shared laughter about random memories of this town you lived in. The tension seems to dissipate gradually, replaced by the comforting familiarity that defines your friendship.

Once you arrive back at your place, Namjoon remains seated for a moment, his gaze fixed on the steering wheel. "Thanks for today," he says, his tone carrying a mix of gratitude and contemplation.

"It was nice, Joon," you reply, your eyes meeting his briefly. The sentiments still linger, like shadows dancing on the periphery, but for now, anything outside this boundary remain untouched.

++++++++++++++

December 25th [Tuesday]

The days leading up to Christmas are packed with plans, with you bustling through holiday preparations. You find yourself going out more than usual, whether it's Christmas gift shopping with Yoongi for the guys or joining the late birthday dinner for Jin at his favorite local Koreatown BBQ place. Amidst the festivities, you occasionally run into Namjoon, sharing dinners with Mrs. Kim or your own family. The Sanctuary group chat keeps you entertained during the quieter moments.

Despite the festive busyness, there are times when you find yourself alone, lost in your thoughts. The echo of Namjoon's words hangs in the air, a revelation that caught you off guard. As you navigate through the hustle and bustle of the season, you can't help but confront the questions swirling in your mind.

A childish part of you feels a strange satisfaction knowing that Namjoon experienced the same loneliness he unwittingly subjected you to earlier in the semester. Yet, there's a deeper, more somber emotion beneath the surface. Each sigh you let out seems to spawn more questions than answers. What are you even doing right now, playing with your own heart while sleeping with your own best friends? You feel like you’re wasting their time and feelings as well. Another thought lingers in your mind: What if, in the midst of all this, you realize you had feelings for Namjoon all along? What’s going to happen then?

"Y/N? Did you want some of the treats my dad made?" Jihyun's voice breaks through your thoughts, and you glance up to find Jimin's younger brother peering at you. Embarrassment flushes your cheeks; you forgot you're at Jimin's house for Christmas. Losing yourself in contemplation in public and getting caught feels mortifying. You realize you need to figure things out soon.

"Jihyun! Sorry, I was lost in thought," you apologize, the embarrassment evident in your voice. "I'll take the blueberry scone! Thank you." The younger boy smiles, handing you the pastry with a napkin. As he continues offering treats to others in the house, you marvel at the holiday spirit that envelopes Jimin's home.

The living room, adorned with twinkling lights and holiday decorations, seems to come alive with excitement. Plush cushions and throws add a cozy touch to the seating arrangement. Jimin's mom, still in the kitchen, contributes to the festive atmosphere with her cheerful hums and the clinking of utensils. The aroma of holiday spices wafts through the air, creating a comforting and welcoming environment. It's a perfect setting for friends to gather and celebrate the joyous season.

"So January 19, we’re going camping?" Taehyung words catch onto your radar in the midst of you looking around at the decor.

"Huh? What? Camping?" You blurt out in surprise, prompting a sigh from Taehyung. You need to stop spacing out.

"Yeah, camping. We’ve talked about this before!" Jungkook exclaims, his eyes lighting up with enthusiasm. "Taehyung wants us to go on a frat retreat."

"Oh, well, sorry, I’ve had a lot on my mind before, so I didn’t know," you reply, your gaze shifting to Yoongi and Jimin, who exchange unreadable glances. They quickly look away when you catch them.

"It’s gonna be us, but if you want to invite your lady friends, you can." Jin comments, taking a sip of his spiced tea with a contented smile.

"Uh, sure, I can invite Hwasa, Jieun, Soohyun, and Soyoon—" You pause, a sudden awareness of Namjoon's secret rendezvous with Soyoon making you hesitate. Unsure if it's appropriate to invite her, you choose your words carefully.

It seems Namjoon has similar thoughts, and he responds, "That’s a fine group." Maybe he had already discussed it with her. The realization hits you: why are you only finding out about this camping trip now?

"Then it’s settled! We’re going camping!" Hoseok yelps in excitement, wrapping his arms around Tae and Jungkook. The room buzzes with energy, filled with the anticipation.

However you can't shake the worry gnawing at your thoughts.

As the evening unfolds, you contemplate the upcoming camping trip, wondering if it will provide answers or only deepen the complexities within your friend group.

tbc :O a/n: we've made it halfway through!!! YAY! we finally got namjoon's perspective in here. camping chapter is up next! that will be loosely based on an irl experience i had going on an MT TRIP with my club back in college!! smack down in the winter during those 3 day weekends we get in january/february. Anyone have any thoughts or theories? i'd love to heart about them so lmk hehehe thank you all for reading!

[astro-nerd]

Day nine: alternative: Silent Tears

Fandom: original characters

Characters: Lawrence (Laurie/Lauren), Alan

TW: abuse

Alan’s PoV

Everyone goes through that moment when they’re let in their family’s secrets. The day that changes your view on the closest relationships you have. Most people likely don’t remember when this dynamic shifted and yet I can clearly remember the Thursday afternoon that I decided my mother didn’t deserve that title. When we were little Laurie and I had a strained relationship, which wasn’t our fault when put in perspective. Between piano and viola lessons and school and more practicing we were basically separated for every hour of the day. The times we weren’t included family meals and car rides in which our parents strived to pit us against each other. For a while it worked, my rage was uncontrollable against Laurie and thinking back on the way they’d silently take anything I gave them still makes me reach out to hug them at random times. At fourteen the reality was close to closing in and yet the final nail was not in the coffin just yet. As typical on most Friday nights our parents would host a dinner party for their richest friends and we would be expected to play the night through with practically no break. It was only a couple hours before when I realised my sheet music wasn’t in its usual place that I witnessed it. My mother’s voice rang through first.

“Are you kidding me? You waste my precious time for this? You know you have to play tonight. It’s non negotiable.” My feet glued themselves to the bottom of the stairs just out of sight. Laurie’s voice hardly reached my ears,

“Please mum, please don’t make me play.” They were only ten. Their feet would still swing when sat at the piano bench.

“Lauren. You will play or you will go to bed hungry. Do you want your brother up there all alone where you know everyone will judge him? Do you really want to be responsible for his bad mood again?” I can still hear it plain as day. I can still feel my mouth hanging half open at her words. People judge our playing? Our mother tells Laurie about this but not me? It was as if the image was shattering around me leaving me with one question. Why do I put all my feelings on my younger sibling? I’d managed to make it back upstairs before either of them saw me and instantly hit denial for the next several hours. My hands unable to pick up my viola.

The dinner party looked the exact same, the same faces, the same staff, the same music played over and over again. Laurie hadn’t given me the same reassuring smile they normally did before our start. My chest caving into a hollow feeling I didn’t understand. We played on as usual although I did attempt to stand in front of the piano more often. On one of these passby’s however I noticed a tear falling from Laurie’s hair covered face into the keys. Another three circles later and I begin to see the accumulation of tears falling into the keys unnoticed by anyone else. I suppose that would be the intention. Despite the tears no notes were missed. Even through the gentle applause no sound comes from Laurie as the tears continue to fall. The hollow feeling in my chest began to simmer and before I’d even thought about my actions I’d sweeped the leg of a guest ‘accidentally’ and sent them sprawling leading to a rather large commotion.

“I am so sorry madam.” My words bleed hollow empathy as my parents materialise out of the party. I realise now how shallow their smiles are, never reaching their eyes. Eyes full of fury at my actions.

“We are so sorry, it seems the kids are a little tired tonight we will have them to bed as quickly as possible.” My dad grabs my arm, squeezing just a little too tight. We’re walking towards the stairs, our parents apologies muffled in my ears as I see Laurie never lifts their head as mother drags them by the arm for no reason except being just slightly too slow. At the stairs base, in the dark, away from the guests I notice the shift. The way our parents change from wonderful hosts to the people I live with. There’s whispered yelling. I let it stay faded in the muffled background as I glare at the floor. I only move when Laurie moves up the stairs, thankfully we’re not followed up as they wouldn’t want to stay away from the party for too long. Maybe they’re hoping I’ll take my rage out on Laurie in their absence. Not this time. When they enter their room I hesitate in the doorway, the door remains open as if waiting for my decision. My feet move me to be over the threshold.

“If you’re going to yell, can you wait until tomorrow please?” If we weren’t in complete silence I never would have heard them.

“I- I’m not going to yell, Lauren. I just want to know if you’re okay.” A heavy weight passes between us unwavering. My chest caving in with every second it lasts. In the dim light they finally raise their head to me and I see the red eyes, puffy and devastated. They don’t look me in the eye but I have all I need. Moving across the room I take them into my arms. Seconds, minutes, even hours could have passed but they circle their arms carefully around me too. Quiet sobs sit between us as I refuse to let go. Even when I’m dragged to my knees because Laurie can’t stand any longer. Even when the cries quieten and we’re left with silence I never let go. Since that day I have never let go.

[falloutbradreviews]

L.S. Dunes - Violet

About three years ago, I reviewed the debut album from alternative and supergroup L.S. Dunes, and I wasn’t a fan of it at all. It’s not that I found the album bad, but I found it underwhelming. The lineup is solid, featuring Anthony Green of Saosin, Circa Survive, and a ton of other bands, Frank Iero of My Chemical Romance, and members of Thursday and Coheed & Cambria, these guys have a sound that meets somewhere between post-hardcore, alternative rock, and emo. On paper, that sounds cool, but in execution, it put me to sleep, because it was so boring. Their self-titled album was nothing I haven’t heard before, and it just felt recycled, because you can get these sounds from each of the members’ respective bands. I’ve tried to come back to that album over the last few years, and I’m always left underwhelmed, but I always think that the next time will be “the one.”

Fast forward a few years later, and we got a follow-up to that record, this time entitled Violet. I had no idea what to expect with this one, but I saw this was coming out, and I was oddly looking forward to it. Maybe this would be the album that finally got me into them. Well, I wish I could continue this review with that optimistic mentality, but this album fell real short for me. I’m sorry, but I don’t like this album much, if at all. It’s not even that it’s technically bad, because it’s a well-performed and well-written album, but this album is somehow even more boring than their debut. Violet drops a lot of the heavier post-hardcore sounds from the debut, although there are some there. While that’s not a bad idea on its own, this record becomes a lot more boring and uninteresting with the softer elements.

The weird thing is, everyone sounds great, including Anthony Green, but I’m not invested in what he’s saying or how he’s saying it, because it just doesn’t grip me. Maybe this album will grow on me over time, but I said the same thing about their debut. The hooks are practically nonexistent, which is unfortunately what I tend to look for in a lot of albums now, so despite the impressive performances, it all just blends together. I don’t know if I’m even disappointed by this album, because that would imply I was really excited for it and invested in it, but not necessarily. I’m just bored by this thing, and I had an epiphany while listening to it earlier — this album (and to an extension, this band) reminds me a lot of Circa Survive.

I’ve never been able to get into them, because of how they rely more on mood and atmosphere than hooks or catchiness. While I respect the band quite a lot, and I enjoy some of their albums, they’ve just never done too much for me. I get why people like them, though, and I feel the same way here. I get why people like L.S. Dunes, because their musicianship is really good, but it doesn’t amount to much for me. It sounds nice, like Circa Survive and a lot of bands like them, it all blends together. I might give this album more listens, but I tried to do that with their debut album, and it just never clicked for me. It’s not even that this album is bad, and for what it is, it’s quite good, but it’s just doing much for me. Maybe this one might get better with more listens, but I’m not holding my breath.