#alta recs | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ya-so-im-here · 2 years ago

Text

I’m Not Insane

Writer: Me, I have it published under my Wattpad account TheNinjaOfCake22

Fandom: Avatar the Last Airbender

Concept: Azula wasn’t born while Ursa is still a caring mother to Zuko but after his banishment, her time alone with Ozai causes her to become more like Azula at the end of the series until she goes insane like Azula.

Word Count: 10733

Link: https://www.wattpad.com/1090164048-avatar-one-shots-i%27m-not-insane

___________________________________________________________

Anyone maybe even everyone should be excited for their wedding day, but I dreaded it's arrival. I stood before a mirror dressed is white robes lined with red and gold trim along my arms and shoulders, the fabric and design was the finest I had ever lain eyes on and yet I couldn't care any less.

It was utterly silent in the room as the servants worked on my hair and gown not one daring to say a word. Was this truly to be my last moment as Ursa? The troupe performer? The last moment as a free women?

"Come my lady, the ceremony is to begin" stated one of the royal guards that stood by the door waiting for me. I simply lowered my head gently then departed the room leaving behind what seemed to be my entire life.

----------------------------------------------------------

I stood before what seemed to be the entire Fire Nation, even common folk were standing outside the gates in hopes of getting a glimpse of the new royal union. I sneaked a glance amongst the crowd and caught a glimpse of my family, my mother was crying dabbing tears a way with a handkerchief; though even with so many around including family I had never felt this lonely before.

I tried to smile as Ozai and my life were bound together, but my face felt heavy as though it forgot how to smile. The union was set and complete, my life now bound to Ozai, the Fire Nation, the royal family, and to a cage I knew I wouldn't ever escape.

Once the ceremony had ended I sat at a head table alongside Ozai, my family the table over and the rest of our guests at tables before us. I attempted a smile once more as I over heard conversations amongst my parents at their table.

"Oh look at this linen, I dare say it's the finest table cloth I've seen" exclaimed my mother with awe.

"Within the royal palace it's expected to have the finest" my father added taking a bite of his roast turtleduck. I smiled lightly for this truly was a grand display of wealth that none who'd lived in Hira'a had ever seen.

"Yes, I do suspect your right" I heard my mother mumble softly sadness making it's evident return to her face, my father took her hand as a form of comfort but I could see his eyes getting teary.

"You have lovely Parents" said Ozai catching me in surprise he had yet to say anything to me other then the required words for the ceremony.

"They've always been good to me" I said keeping a steady and delicate smile as I responded.

"Be sure to tell them that when you say goodbye. Your last words should be filled with gratitude and kindness, so their memory of you will always be sweet." said Ozai his voice calm as though he had just asked me my favorite treat, he took a sip from his goblet with a smirk lining his lips.

"Last words?" I asked fear coming through in my voice. Ozai's smirk didn't falter as he leaned in close to my ear.

"After this day, do not mention Hira'a, your family or your old life ever again." I felt my face pale and my blood utterly froze "You belong to the royal family now. And to me."

----------------------------------------------------------

Days within the palace pass quickly with everyone nearly if not the exactly the same as the one before, I rarely saw Ozai throughout the days; he spends his time in the throne room bowed before his father Fire Lord Azulon, obeying his every command. My days were far more bland for I never saw anyone outside of the guards, servants, or the occasional generals on their way to meet my husband.

Husband. I despised that word, Ozai wasn't a husband, a spouse, nor a partner. He was the future Fire Lord, Prince of the Fire Nation and I, his servant who slept in his chambers.

"My lady, you look ill" whispered one of the servants her voice thin and frail as she spoke.

"I feel well, it's just a little stomach pains. I assure there is no need to fret" I responded back with my best attempt at confident, but I was merely acting. I had felt sick nearly every morning for the past month, but I refused to let it show.

"Please my lady, let me fetch a healer just so we're confident in your well being" the servant pleaded before me, but I would not allow it.

"I am very well in health. I will not be forced to see a healer if I am well." I snapped annoyed everyone has been telling me what to do since I've arrived, I can't take much more of it.

The servants eyes widened and regret filled my chest, those were the eyes filled with fear I had seen the expression so often because of Ozai and here I was the reason for them.

"I'm sorry, It was wrong of me to yell at you. Thank you for your concern, but I truly am well." I placed my hand on her shoulder for comfort, but the damage was done. She bowed her head and left the room, leaving me alone again.

----------------------------------------------------------

"My wife" cooed Ozai as he entered our shared room, I was by a mirror as servants took the crown from my topknot releasing my hair and letting it fall down.

"Yes my love" I responded my voice sweet and loving, acting always acting, looking in the mirror I saw him gesture towards the servants to leave which they did without a moments hesitation.

"I heard you've become ill" he stepped forth and whispered in my ear softly as though he was whispering sweet nothings to me, but my heart rate quickened and my mind began to race.

"I assure you I am in peak health" I said attempting to allow confidence to flow through me.

"Well that's not what I heard. I heard you were ill and that you refused to see a healer" he smiled a tight thin line as he caressed my cheek bringing my head to face him. "You are part of the royal family Ursa, I demand that you see a healer at once. So young still, I will not allow sickness to me your undoing." his amber eyes stared straight into mine and I dared not look away.

"Do you understand me, my wife?" he asked as his caress tightened on my jaw, I swallowed back my fear and blinked just lightly.

"Of course my love" I responded maintaining the sweet and loving tone as I felt his grasp loosen until I no longer felt his touch. He walked away making his way to his bed allowing me to finish getting ready for sleep.

"I want an update from you right after your meeting with the healer is finished, understand?" I looked over my shoulder to the bed where he was now sitting and I smile sweetly.

"Of course, my love"

----------------------------------------------------------

"My lady? Are you all right?"

I blinked twice then found myself staring in the direction of the healer who sat before me, my face felt cool and pale as my breathing faltered.

"Yes. Yes I believe I'm fi... are you sure? You aren't mistaken?" I asked interrupting myself and as I expected the healer nodded firmly.

"I have done all the tests my lady, you are pregnant" pregnant. How could I be pregnant, was I ready to be a mother? Could Ozai even be a father? "This is good news my lady, the baby is healthy and strong there's plenty of fight within em. I'm sure you'll have a normal and healthy pregnancy" the healer continued on talking but I felt myself dazing out in thought.

I had to tell Ozai.

As I was told, once the healer left I went to the doors of the throne room which was guarded by two guards on either side of the door.

"I request an audience with my husband" I ordered firmly, two of the guards exchanged quick looks then one went inside while the other held up their hand...

"Wait here"

They drew open once more and out stepped Ozai his face solemn as he approached me ignoring the guards present. "What do you want?" he asked not raising his tone, but nor was it friendly; this was to be the father of my child.

"I saw the healer as you requested, all is well I am in fact quite healthy..."

"If you're healthy then why was I told you were ill?" interrupted Ozai, tinge of annoyance and disbelief in his voice. Clearly not believing my words.

"I am with a child" I said interrupting him as he did me and with that action I saw two emotions pass through over his face. One of anger for my interrupting and the other excitement.

"Why, that is grand news indeed and you're healthy you said, good very good. Another heir to throne is to be born and welcomed into the royal family" he smiled, not a half nor forced smile an authentic and full smile... it unnerved me.

"Well thank you my wife, you've brought great news to these halls. You are free to go about as you please, but don't strain yourself that child is of royal blood and will be bound to the throne." he continued to smile as he gestured lightly for me to depart as he went back through the doors into the throne room.

I turned away and made my path to the gardens as Ozai's words lingered in my head and his smile haunted my memory.

----------------------------------------------------------

Seven months had past slowly at first, each day seemed to linger on. I blamed this on Ozai, since I had announced my pregnancy he had been more inclined to speak to me then the courtesy "Good morning" and it was strange. He had hardly shown any interest in me before hand and now he had even started accompanying me with my morning walks in the garden.

The garden had become my favorite place within the entire palace, there were beautiful fire lilies, turtleducks in the pond, it was beautiful. The only damper was Ozai, who insisted on being close during those walks.

"I was thinking about baby names... you know we're seven months in, don't you think it's time we begin talking about names?" I asked looking over to Ozai as he walked along my right side, his face solemn as it often was, but then again he had been smiling a lot more lately, more cheery even.

"Azula" He stated briskly "I do think we're having a daughter and I want her name to be Azula after my father" Ozai kept his pace as he spoke not giving me any look.

"Well... what if we have a son?" I asked tentatively mildly hoping he'd actually look at me.

"I don't think we will"

"Well there is a chance for either" it was silent again. "Though I do love the name Azula, if it is a girl I think Azula is a wonderful name."

"I don't have a boy's name in mind" admitted Ozai

"Well... I do, if it is a boy... I was thinking Zuko" I looked over at Ozai I could tell he was contemplating the name "It's a very strong name and I thought that a prince of the Fire Nation aught to have a strong and powerful name" I added hoping it would help convince him.

"Zuko" he mumbled to himself "Prince Zuko... Yes I agree, if we have a son we shall name him Zuko" he smiled lightly then he turned to face me still possessing the smile "Yes, I quite like that name" I felt part of my stomach flutter knowing that I had just made a suggestion that he actually liked, I couldn't help but smile a little. I, Ursa lady of the Fire Nation made a suggestion that Prince Ozai actually liked. I had to admit I felt rather proud.

We continued our walk in silence after that both of our minds occupied on other matters to pay actual attention to the other. For me it felt like the first time I fully grasped I was truly going to be a mother. A feeling that elated me, but left me fearful nonetheless; for what sort of life was I bringing this child into?

----------------------------------------------------------

"Aaaahhh!" my screams were echoing throughout the halls of the palace, my head pushed back against the pillow.

"We're almost there my lady" comforted one of the healers. My hands gripped the bed sheets from the pain.

"Where is Ozai!?" I shouted out, he was supposed to be there, the husband is always supposed to be there for the birth of the child.

"He will not be joining us my lady" answered the same healer.

"WHy not?! he's the father!" I cried out "He's supposed to be here" my face red and flushed as I cried out, tears gathering in my eyes.

"He said he'll be by once the child is born" a new flow of tears began to fall from my eyes from the healer's words, why should I be surprised I know that Ozai doesn't care... he never cares. "My lady you gonna have to get ready to push again, you're almost there"

"I'm not supposed to be alone!" I shouted out as I pushed once more gripping the bed sheets with strength I didn't know I possessed, my emotions were free and pushed to their limits. I was always alone why would I possibly think it would be any different in childbirth.

"Here we go, my lady. Push now" and I did, tears streamed down my face as I gave it my all and I stopped when I heard the piercing scream of a infant. My tears relinquished as I listened to the cries of my child. "My lady" said the healer holding the baby, they came near and placed my baby in my arms "You have a son" and almost on queue I began to cry again.

"Hi Zuko" I smiled, his face so small and sweet even as he cried, but once I spoke I saw the look in his eyes as he realized who I was. "I'm your mother" I whispered to him.

Ozai came by to see his new heir hours later, after I already dressed Zuko in his new prince clothes and had gotten myself back to looking like the lady of the Fire Nation. "Where is my heir?" he asked as he entered the room, not in a playful nor excited manner, it seemed more as a demand. I lifted up Zuko from his grip and held him for Ozai to see, he came over and took him from me and seemed to examine him closely, not even a linger of smile on his face.

"Yes, I think I see great things in his future, he will be a great Firelord when the time comes. Yes... a prince the Fire Nation will be proud of" he spoke slowly to himself as though he had forgotten I was just there. A wicked smile began to stretched across his face "Yes, I do believe the royal family will remain unbeatable"

----------------------------------------------------------

I raised Zuko alone it seemed, there were nannies and servants helping with whatever I told them, but Ozai remained loose from the picture, never a permanent fixture. With Zuko now in my life, I felt as though I had a purpose again, I felt like myself. We spent our days together in the garden where I taught him about plants like my mother taught me, I helped him learn manners and empathy. These were our days and they were all I ever wanted, but Ozai wanted more.

"I don't understand your anger, he's very bright he learns things quickly" I spoke with annoyance in my voice, in our room it seemed where more arguing occurred then actual sleep.

"His studies matter not, Ursa if he's not skilled in his bending" snapped Ozai his voice lined with anger.

"He's only five, give him time..." I began

"Time? I was bending by the age of three, he's two years too late"

"He's not too late, he might just be a late bloomer" I interjected anger starting to become evident in my voice

"Hah, a late bloomer. No great Fire bender started as a 'late bloomer' Azulon was wrong about you" he snapped turning away from me.

"Wrong about me?!" I asked taken aback "He's only five, give him time to learn. Don't you remember what you said when he was born!?" I shouted at him, but didn't give him time to respond "You said that he was a prince the Fire Nation would be proud of and now you've changed your mind?!" I practically began to scream at him, causing him to turn around and slap me across the face.

"Yes I changed my mind" he seethed "How could the Fire Nation be proud of a nonbender? Tell me Ursa... how could a nonbender make anyone proud" his amber eyes wreathed in livid light, I brought my hand to me cheek where he hit me. He had never physically harmed me like this before.

"If you didn't want a nonbender part of the royal family then why marry me?!" I cried out in anger and hurt. "I was happy back in Hira'a, I had my family, friends, a life I was proud of..."

"Please Ursa, you were a troupe performer, your family hardly made enough to get by. Your life had no meaning unlike here where it now possesses more meaning" he sneered "unfortunately you even failed at that, for being the granddaughter of the Avatar, you possess no power whatsoever."

I froze taken aback, I was here because of my grandfather? There was no other reason for me to even be here? Ozai truly never loved me in anyway.

"Azulon was a fool, how could he think that a nonbender could possibly have a powerful bender as a son, you disgust me." he snapped as he looked down upon me. "You have no power to you whatsoever, it was a mistake to bring you here" with that he stepped past me leaving me where I stood. Everything I had gone through was pointless, there was no reason for me to even be here.

----------------------------------------------------------

We tried again and again for a second child, Ozai utterly ashamed of having a nonbender son, but no matter how many times we tried I never got pregnant again. This lead to insults and physical punishment for my "lack of ability to grant the Fire Nation a proper heir." I possessed bruises all along my body, all hidden perfectly by my clothes at all times.

Loneliness, guilt, sadness all set into my life, the only light in my life was Zuko so I gave him everything I could. Even though Ozai claims he's a nonbender I refuse to give up on him, cause Ozai is right a long line of Firebenders lives through his veins and I know Zuko's destined for something great.

"Mother!" I heard Zuko shout out, one evening while we were in the Garden.

"What is it Zuko?" I knelt before him looking him over, his eyes were wide, but they weren't filled with fear as I expected.

"Look...look" he pulled his arms away from me punched his fist out infront of himself ejecting fire from his fist. "I can bend!" he exclaimed excitement and joy evident on his face.

"Oh Zuko" I grabbed him once more and brought him into a hug "That's amazing!" I exclaimed with my own joy, the thought that perhaps Ozai would love his son more knowing he wasn't a nonbender as he assumed.

"I'm like father now! I'm going to be a great bender too!" I felt a small pain from Zuko's words but I kept up a smile. "Can we show him?" he asked eyes wide with pure excitement.

"Of course my dear" with that I took his hand and we made our way through the palace to Ozai, he was in the library looking for something for his father, he had spent many hours in there looking for something, but refused to tell me what.

"What do you want?" he snapped noticing our presence not bothering to look up "You can clearly see I am occupied, can you not?"

"Zuko has something he wants to show you" I stated taking a step back so that Zuko could get his father's attention. Taking a deep breath, he pulled his arms back then with a quick thrust of his arm, his fist ejected fire just as it had in the garden. Now Ozai looked up from his scroll and looked down at Zuko with a strange look on his face.

"Can you do it again?" he asked coolly

"Yes!" exclaimed Zuko as he brought his fist forward again this time harder and more fire arose. "See father, I can firebend just like you"

"Yes, yes you can firebend. Quite grand indeed" he turned his gaze towards me as I gave him a face of "I told you he could bend" he ignored it "My wife, it seems my son will need a teacher" he smiled out of what seemed relief and twisted excitement.

----------------------------------------------------------

Master Piandao was at the palace everday, training Zuko for hours on end which greatly lowered our time together. I was happy for Zuko with his training Ozai proudly announced that the Fire Nation had a powerful firebending heir and he now excepted him as his son.

But I felt alone once more and now that Zuko showed firebending skill, Ozai still wanted another child "Incase of an accident, it's always wise for the royal family to have more then one heir" is what he said on the topic, but I couldn't no matter how many times we tried I could never get pregnant.

This always led to the string of insults from Ozai that I had become oh too use too "Disgrace of Avatar Roku", "Burden to the Fire Nation", "Mistake of the royal family", "pathetic nonbender", and "insufferable wife".

I push it all down, ignore his words I wouldn't let them linger, if they lingered I would think about them and I just couldn't... I just can't. Zuko still needs me and I'm here for him not Ozai, I tell myself this everyday; because Ozai doesn't want me... which is... fine.

But Zuko wants me here, I'm here for him no matter what happens with Ozai.

"Mother! look what I can do now!" exclaimed Zuko with excitement as he showed a new firebending technique I've seen him practice for months and it looked nearly flawless as the fire grew about his fist.

"You're amazing Zuko, see all the training has fully payed off" I knelt before and hugged him feeling his smile against my cheek "With more practice you're bound for greatness" his smile only widened at my words, but I felt a pang in my chest I don't know why, but my smile faltered for a second then I heard the footsteps behind me.

"My lady" I stood and turned to face the guard behind me, it was one of the firelord's personal guards "Firelord Azulon requests your presence in the throne room immediately, yours as well as the young prince." I nodded solemnly before reaching down and taking Zuko's hand and followed behind the guard.

Anxiety crept its way into my stomach making me feel ill, my head racing fear evident in my mind. I had only met Firelord Azulon twice before and he wasn't the hospitable kind. When we approached the grand doors I saw Ozai already standing there waiting for us, his face was solemn, but in his eyes I could see he was also nervous.

"There you are my wife, he's been waiting" with that the doors to the throne room opened broad and wide giving full view of the room. It was dark exempt for the roar of fire at the end of the room that blazed high blocking our view of the Firelord himself. We entered close to each other, shoulders high, and emotions in check. The guards followed before and behind us as we walked down the long room towards the end until we stood before the blaze of fire.

"Firelord Azulon, your son and his family" announced the leading guard as they bowed before him, Ozai and I followed suit behind the guard. Hearts pounding in our chests, that if the fire wasn't so loud the heartbeats were bound to be echoing throughout the hall.

The fire lowered lightly finally revealing Firelord Azulon's face for us to see. "Father" began Ozai standing upright once more, though me and Zuko didn't dare to move not yet. "You requested us?" he inquired, his voice still strong and steady as it always seemed to be, but I could hear the difference. the commanding tone he used with everyone he met was gone, it was submissive which only increased the panic of my nerves.

"Yes I did" his voice was old, but he held it strong and firm "Sit. I command it" he ordered us three and we all promptly did, sitting in order Ozai, me, then Zuko who's face was stone steady not daring to look up at the Firelord once.

"I regret to say this for I wish it wasn't so, but Prince Iroh has lost his son Lu Ten in battle at the hands of filthy earthbenders in the wretched city of Ba Sing Se. He will be returning soon, I suspect within a fortnight to prepare the funeral. I deemed to tell you so you heard from me instead of rumors about the palace from the lowly rabble." finished Azulon, my heart ached as I held my emotions in check not even daring to cry a tear in the Firelord's presence. I glanced and looked at Ozai he didn't show any emotion, but I knew that look; gears were turning, he was thinking and I didn't like it.

I looked to Zuko his eyes were watering, his jaw clenched holding back the tears that threatened to fall down his cheeks. My instincts told me to hold him and comfort him, but I dared not move.

"That is all" he ordered as we stood before him, bowed once more then turned to leave, I glanced to my side, but didn't see Ozai beside as he just was. I turned my head lightly and saw he had yet to leave the Firelord's presence. As we approached the door I grabbed hold of Zuko's hand and looked to him.

"Darling go to your room, I'll be there momentarily. Mother and father have somethings to discuss" I whispered to him as I encouraged him on, then snuck quickly behind a large tapestry then hung along two pillars and listened for what my husband was about to say.

"Father" started Ozai kneeling before the Fire Lord once more "The tragedy that has befallen this family with the murder of Lu Ten is tragic of its own event, but it posses other issues" Azulon looked down upon his son eyes focused.

"What issues are you referring to?" He asked voice cold and stern.

"With the loss of Lu Ten, Iroh no longer has an heir to fulfill his place. Father I have an heir and my wife is still young chances for another heir is possible. Iroh's bloodline is obsolete" the first reaction from Ozai's words came from the rise in heat in the room, I felt my back begin to sweat and my skin clam. Fire lord Azulon glared down upon Ozai with such disdain, fear boiled within my blood.

"How dare you say such a thing to me!" He roared with outrage as the fire within the room reached for the ceiling. "Your brother's only son has passed and instead of sympathy for his loss you wish to take his rightful place as my successor?!" Azulon stood firm his throne outrage flowing through his veins.

"Iroh will remain my first heir but for your treason you will suffer. Your wife is young you say and can still offer you an heir, then do so. For you will now learn of the pain and suffering of loosing your first born son." All life left my body with the rage of those words, my knees faltered and I leaned against the pillar to hold my self upright, not wanting to reveal my location. Ozai had to correct this. There was no possibility he would allow this to happen, he knew we couldn't have more kids, we've tried. He was going to fix this, I knew it, he had to.

"Father. I meant no dishonor-" began Ozai his voice corrupt with submission.

"You lack all honor prince Ozai. You're family should be the most valued aspect of your life and to turn on it so quickly THAT is dishonorable" Fire Lord Azulon glared down upon his youngest son, no mercy nor pity simply rage fueled his words.

"I will suspect that by morning you have completed your punishment. Now leave my sight, it sickens me to look at you" The Fire Lord sat down upon his throne once more and rose the fire blocking himself from sight.

"Yes father" Ozai began the walk back towards the door his head still held high but there was something in his eyes I had never seen before, the unknown of it increased my nerves. I quickly slipped out of the throne room, I had to talk with my husband.

----------------------------------------------------------

Ozai was standing before the lattice window within our room, staring out in contemplation and silence, as though he was waiting. I walked in and dared not to hesitate nor give him the chance to decide the subject, he was going to fix this.

"Ozai! You can't do this!" I snapped at him, I hadn't done so since he first slapped me concerning Zuko and his bending. Ozai turned just enough to be facing me but not away from the window

"I have no choice, refusing the Fire Lord's command is treason. But I am a merciful man. I'm waiting until he's asleep, he won't feel a thing." he turned back to face the window, not bothering to face me fully. My heart sunk but I did not loose my spark rage, I would do anything for Zuko including raise my voice to Ozai.

"You Listen carefully" I spoke sternly without a hint of hesitation or fear laced within my voice, my next words had to be precise and they had to be convincing. There was only one way I could convince Ozai to spare his son. "I'm going to make you a deal."

"You have nothing I want" he retorted, still facing the window the lattice leaving shadowed marks along his stone face.

"You want the throne." I stated in response.

"Go on." he said, though it was different. It wasn't a command nor order, I could hear the curiosity and intrigue escape his mouth. This was it, I had one chance I had to convince him no matter the cost.

"I know how to make a poison that is colorless and odorless, completely untraceable. It causes a person to pass quietly, as if he'd simply fallen asleep. I'll give you a vial of it in exchange for Zuko's Life. Once the poison is in your hands, you do whatever you wish." It was dark plan, one that the royal family would certainly conduct. The poison was meant to stay with him and out of others hands, but for Zuko I had no choice. No matter how wicked the act was, it was my only way to save my son.

"Just where did you learn to conduct such a substance?" asked Ozai with disbelieve evident in his voice.

"My mother was a master herbalist." I simply stated in response

"Very clever, dear wife, very clever." he stared out the window thinking over my plan then within the reflection of the window I saw a smirk creep up on his face, wicked and corrupt. "I accept your plan- on one condition" he added still not daring to look me in the eye.

"Once we've made our exchange, you must leave, to inhabit another part of the palace away from everyone and never show your face again. With you around, it's only a matter of time before a colorless, odorless poison is used against the new Fire Lord." my heart sunk, to be away from everyone else would be utterly lonely, but no I wouldn't go alone.

"Fine, but I take my son with me."

"No. The child is my collateral. As long as you keep your word, no harm will come to him." with a swift and sudden movement Ozai turned from the window, his face now looming centimeters from my face "Should you try to stay or take your child with you, however, I will remove you from the royal family permanently." I knew very well the permanency of his threat; I also knew that this was the only way... I couldn't turn back.

----------------------------------------------------------

I wasted no time, I left Ozai within the room and went to collect the ingredients needed to make the poison. The palace had the items I needed, they were harmless on their own but combined they created a great weapon; one I never wanted to use.

I worked efficiently and quietly not wanted to draw the attention of anyone as I created the means of which the Fire Lord would die. I tried not to think of it too much, this was for Zuko; that's what I kept telling myself. This isn't really me but the truth was I was doing it, whether or not it was to save my son and even if I wasn't the one who slipped the poison to the Fire Lord, I was still committing treason, I was still killing someone.

I finished the poison and I returned it to Ozai who stood where I left him in our room, now Ozai's room; it was something I wasn't going to miss. I gave him the vial to which he examined fully to which I doubt he even knew what to look for within a poison, not that it mattered since it was untraceable.

"You've done your part. Grab what you must, then go. If you try to anything, I promise your child will pay the consequence." He left the room, vial in hand as I quickly grabbed everything I thought I might want. Living my life in a hidden part of the palace was not my ideal solution, but I knew I wouldn't miss these cold walls nor the bed of which Ozai would lie beside me.

I grabbed all I needed as well as could carry. I would leave before morning light as promised but not without one last goodbye.

Zuko was asleep, innocently asleep unknowing of all that unfolded around him and he would never know. He'd never know why I left, or what I did to save his life, but as long as he was alive and as long as Ozai kept his word; Zuko would be safe and that's all that mattered. I dared not wake him, I couldn't bring myself to it, it would be better if I was too simply slip away in the night. I knelt above him, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek then turned away.

"Mom?"

Zuko's gentle voice broke the silence of the night as he slowly sat up in his bed, rubbing his eyes and looking around for me. I still had to leave, but not like a trespasser in the night, I returned to him. I sat down on the bed by his feet and softly held his shoulders and whispered what would be my last words to him, our only goodbye.

"Zuko, please, my love, listen to me." I pulled him into a hug, holding him close to my chest "Everything I've done, I've done to protect you." he nodded his head sleepily and I placed him back on his pillow. "Remember this, Zuko. No matter how things may seem to change, never forget who you are." I placed the hood of my cloak over my head and I turned and left, Leaving behind the only happiness and joy in my life, but it was the only way and I knew it.

I passed through the halls till I was met by a castle guard holding his hand out as a torch. "Come with me, my lady" instructed the guard as he escorted me through the castle, passing through hallways and passages I had never seen before and reckoned I wouldn't see again. The realization that I was never going to leave was beginning to settle in as we passed down farther and deeper in to the palace, and then we stopped. Standing before a large tapestry of the royal family, ending with Ozai and Iroh.

I watched as the guard lifted the corner of the tapestry, revealing a secret door, covered in cobwebs and dust. The guard unlocked the door as a gust of musty air filled our lungs and I was encouraged inside, the guard followed behind for a little longer as he lead me to a second door but this time when I was escorted through he did not follow.

"Take this, light the room. Make it has homey as you like, you don't need to worry about anyone hearing or seeing you, so feel free to live comfortably. Maids will bring you your food and tend to your needs as they have thus far, though now they will be accompanied by a guard to ensure you don't attempt anything unsavory. Do you have any questions of me my lady?" spoke the guard formally.

I looked about the room, it was larger then my bedroom was, but it looked even colder and more unwelcoming then the other. I held the torch the guard had lit for me and decided there was nothing to be done. "I have no questions." I stated firmly keeping my composure.

"Then sleep well my lady" with that the guard closed the door and latching it behind him, leaving me alone in a room unknown to the rest of the world.

----------------------------------------------------------

Days passed strangely, I had no sense of real time other then the scheduled visits by the maids bringing me my meals, or wringing up a bath for me. There was no windows, no natural sunlight I missed deeply the outdoors, my garden, my son. I had no visitors because no one was allowed to know I was here, did they even know I was alive?

For awhile I have been attempted to talk with the maid and the guard, they've been my only form of communication with people. They would talk some, but mostly they went about their business efficiently and left, but I talked to them anyways. I needed the stimulation of conversation and there was no one else to talk to.

I kept the torches burning all through the day and night, as I did not know when was day or night I wasn't able to wake up naturally by new morning light so I kept the torches burning so that I'd never get lost in the dark of the room.

It was becoming a fear of mine, that one day the torch would go out and I would be stuck sitting in the dark waiting on anyone to come by and relight it for me. I wasn't going to let it happen, I kept two lit at all times at minimum otherwise I tried to keep it at three. As a nonbender I needed to keep the torches lit.

I heard the lock click, so I took a step away from the door and stood near the bed as I've grown accustomed. "Please step away from the door my lady" ordered the voice of the guard as the door slid open, even with the door open there still was no escaped sunlight leaking into the room. The guard entered first assuring that I was away, then in came the maid; these were the only two that knew I was here.

"What have you brought me today?" I asked, striking up the conversation first as I often did.

"More wood for burning, and tonight's meal" stated the maid placing down a tray on the table then placing the wood on the ground.

"So it's night?" I asked out of pure curiosity, I had enough energy about me I had thought it was earlier in the day, my schedule wasn't right.

The maid nodded her head before returning to her job "I'll be taking your old dishes, my lady and any clothing that needs washed." she gestured for me to grab what needed cleaned so I did as such, giving her an dress that was beginning to smell musty just like the rest of the room. "Thank you, my lady."

The maid went to turn away and leave me once again, but our of desperation I stopped her "Please, tell me something?" I asked "Anything at all, I know nothing outside this room."

"Take a step back." came the booming voice of the guard startling me, my hand was on the maid's wrist there was fear and nervousness in her eyes as she stared at me as though I was a dangerous animal that over took my step.

I dropped her wrist and stepped away in shame and embarrassment "I'm sorry, my composure escaped me. I only meant that I much desired some conversation, you must understand how lonely I am?" I asked watching both the guard and maid as they eyed me carefully, their gaze filled with distrust.

"I'm sorry my lady, but we were instructed not to converse with you." informed the guard

"You're not supposed to talk with me"? I asked in shock and utter disbelief. "Why not?" I asked, still keeping my composure, though I could tell my voice was beginning to shake.

"The Fire Lord, says your words cannot be trusted so we mustn't speak to you as you may try and deceive us" explained the maid, the fear in her eyes had disappeared something new was in her eyes, sadness? pity?

"So he expects me to live utterly alone and I'm not even allowed to talk with people?" I snapped as tears began to fill me eyes. I turned away from the two not barring to even look at them, they were simply doing their job and he made sure that I was alone no matter who came by.

"I don't know why you're here my Lady, we were told that you committed a crime against the crown and for that you can't be trusted. We are to serve you as he wishes, but not to engage as it can be detrimental to us" elaborated the maid as she placed a gentle hand on my shoulder as a form of comfort but I could tell she was still standing as far away as she could.

"I understand" was all I could mutter, I felt the warmth of her hand leave my shoulder, the shuffling of feet, followed by the latching and closing of the door. I was alone again.

Alone again...

How? how was this my fate? "committed crimes against the crown" I muttered, "I wasn't the only one, Ozai" he ruled in his father's stead, in Iroh's stead and I had to be okay with it! Yes I had to be okay with it, It was for Zuko, this was all to protect Zuko. As long as my son was okay, I would endure any and all of his rules and restrictions. As lonely, scared, and miserable I felt; I did this for a reason and for that I would be okay "I'll be okay."

----------------------------------------------------------

The distinction between days is impossible, I've entirely lost count and at this time I don't care enough to try and figure it out. I'm awake when I'm awake and sleep when I'm tired, no matter the time of day. Sometimes I'll wake up and my food was delivered while I was asleep, sometimes I'll be awake and receive nothing from maid, who still refuses to speak with me, she won't even give me her name.

I spend most of my days reading, or practicing my calligraphy writing letters to Zuko and my family even though none of them will ever see them. It's one of the only things that bring me comfort that the idea that one day Zuko will find me and I'll be able to share with him all my letters of everything I want to tell him, and for him to know I never forgot about him after all time we've been apart.

The maid had already arrived today with a platter of food now resting on the nightstand, the food was becoming less and less identifiable as the days passed. The smell still possessed some form of appetizing however the appearance was abominable. I detested it, the mysterious food that was brought to me but with it being all I had, I ate it anymore each and everyday.

It was this food I had decided and lack of natural and fresh air that lead to my sickness, I was bed ridden for days to sick to move from the confines of my blankets. My head ached and banged with every noise and lack of noise around me. I felt isolated and confused. The maid brought me medicine but she said that the healer's weren't permitted to enter, that if they knew I existed then it would be detrimental to the royal family, to Zuko.

So, I waited it out. prayed to the spirits and hoped for a recovery, I wasn't about to allow sickness take me away from the world while trapped within a small and desolate room. With my existence unknown to anyone as I wasted away over time.

It felt at times I thought I heard another voice in the room with me, the maid or guard perhaps but when I looked about they weren't there. I had decided I was most likely hearing their voices from when they visited while I was asleep and it was a memory echoing back to me and that I was too sick to tell the two apart.

I was confident that Ozai visited me once, for I heard his voice ringing in my ears. Mocking me, belittling me, telling me how because of me the Fire Nation is now in good hands, as is my son. That it was for the prosper of the nation and Zuko that I remain here, I wanted to argue back but when I went to speak to him he wasn't there. I must have been dreaming.

----------------------------------------------------------

Today the maid came in to bring me my meal as she did everyday, it was as I have grown accustomed. Until she stepped further into the light then normal and I saw speckled strands of silver hair mixed with her black. My eyes widened, I hadn't seen her hair as such before. I knew she wouldn't speak to me, she had refrained from doing so all this time, but I had to ask just one question.

"Please. How long have I been here?" I asked softly not wanting to startle her or concern her with worry of my voice. She looked at me not with a sense of fright but worry, if not a bit of horror.

"Have you lost track of the time, my lady?" she asked even softer then my own voice was. I nodded gently worry building in my bones at her tone and word usage. "You've been here for four years my Lady..."

Everything stopped. My mind, body, focus, I felt utterly and entirely frozen and disconnected from my body I couldn't even move. This couldn't be true, it just couldn't. I had expected to spend time here, but four years. I hadn't realized the passing of time, let alone the years. In some corner of my mind I always assumed Ozai would return and safe me from this prison, it wasn't until now when I realized he truly meant to leave me here, completely and utterly alone.

"Please, can you answer one more question from me?" I pleaded, falling from my bed and landing on my knees harshly "My son, what has become of him? is he okay?" my eyes swelled, worry within my tone was unmissable. "Please. I never meant to be away from him this long."

The maid watched me closely, instead of worry and horror, sadness and sympathy filled her eyes as she watched me plead. "You're son is alright my Lady. He is close to the Firelord, attends meetings and is learning quickly" her voice was comforting and gentle as she spoke. She continued to keep her distance but I could tell she was trying to give me some comfort after I heard the news.

"Thank you" I mumbled back meekly, my eyes stuck to the floor as reality seemed to crush in and all around me. I heard the soft click of the door close and latch as my hands clammed up, my heart pounding within my chest, and my breathing grew irregular, I didn't feel right.

"Four years..." I mumbled below my breath "you've kept me here for four years?" a spoke louder, my voice rising. I looked over at the door, closed. Locking me inside as some form of criminal. I wasn't the criminal, he was. Yet here I was, drifting away in a dark room away from everyone and everything.

I couldn't remember the feeling of sun on my skin, the smell of fresh air in the spring, the ability to be free to wander the grounds. The taste of food that wasn't this mush of beige and grey colors, something with spices and a pleasant aroma. The taste of fruit and vegetables, warm soup. The sight of a clear night sky, or the feeling of another's hand.

I had forgotten it all, it was a faint memory of what was before but it was nothing more. Here I was fading and forgetting the outside world and he was ruling it in his image and with my son by his side. My son, my Zuko. He was my sunshine, my purpose in life, the one I did all this for. How dare he have my son by his side when he was the very one that tried to have him killed.

"HOW DARE YOU?" I screamed as I scrambled to my feet and banged on the door with all my strength "HOW DARE YOU TAKE HIM FROM ME?" I screamed as loud as I could, as tears overfilled the brims of my eyes and poured down my cheeks. I was being forgotten by the world... what if Zuko forgot about me? what if Ozai poisoned him against me? "LET ME OOOUUUTTT." I fell to my knees but I continued to bang my closed fists against the door, someone, anyone had to be able to hear me.

"PPLLEEAASSEE?!" I cried out for anyone and everyone. "I SHOULDN'T BE HERE!"

----------------------------------------------------------

When I woke my head was resting against the door, I had fallen asleep crying. Trying to listen if anyone was there that could hear me, but no one replied. The door though now was being banged on, on the other side. As if someone was trying to open it, but my body was in the way keeping it shut.

"URSA! MOVE!" Shouted a gruff voice from the other side of the wood as the door was getting pushed harder and harder slowly starting to pry open. I gathered my thoughts in realizing my screams and cries were heard. I quickly scrambled away from the door as with another bang it burst open and the person nearly fell through.

Within that moment all my excitement and joy left my body as I came face to face with Ozai.

He hadn't dare visit me ever within this place, but he was here now. I stood up quickly to make myself appear his equal as he himself straightened up his appearance after nearly falling over from the door. He snickered when he saw me try and tidy my appearance, looking down at me with disgust and pride.

"Don't bother. You've no way to impress me anymore" he mocked

"You misjudge, I wasn't trying to impress you" I mouthed back in deviance. "Why are you here, Ozai?" I questioned, as I fell back so smoothly into Lady Ursa of the Fire Nation.

"Don't play coy, the maid, the guard. They all heard your screaming and crying, your begging" he sneered in disgust as he drawled out the last word. I should have felt insulted but all I could think was they could hear me.

My face must have given me away, as Ozai smirked down at me "I wouldn't be to excited. It was only the nurse and guard. You're too far away for anyone to hear or find."

My heart skipped a beat at his words. "Then why are you here?" I demanded.

"Because. You are a nuisance." the words stabbed me as he spoke "You are pathetic, begging on all fours to a maid. Really Ursa? and I foolishly thought better of you."

"Don't demean me, you've locked me away from every aspect of the world for four years. No contact with anyone. I'm lonely and I miss my son" I snapped in irritance.

"Remember who's fault that is now, Ursa" You killed the Firelord, you were too dangerous to be left alone, but your son is spared. For that you should be grateful" sneered Ozai with indigence.

"I never thought this would be my fate. At least let me see him. just once, to let him know I didn't abandon him, that I still love him, that-"

"I don't believe you are of any concern of his. He has much more important things on his mind anyway. Besides after the wretch you've raised, it's a good thing that I separated you two when I did." my heart beat quickened at his words, at his tone of pride and self-righteousness.

"What did you do?" I asked, my voice quivering as I spoke.

He only smiled.

"What did you do!?" I shouted grabbing his robes, attempting to shake the answer out of him, it only caused his smile to change into an expression of pure rage. He grabbed the my robes from the neck, pulling me off him and throwing me to the ground.

"HOW DARE YOU?" He boomed, infuriated with my actions, but I cared not "You dare, touche me. You filthy nonbender. No wonder you raised such a disrespectful, and dishonorable child!"

"What did you do!?" I screamed again, still on the floor. My hands cut from flooring from when I fell. I voice shook now far more then just a quaver, I knew something happened, I just knew it.

Ozai's smirk returned as he knelt forward, looming over me with such malice my skinned crawled "I banished him." He stated it so coolly, so calm, as if his words carried no importance weight.

"YOu....You what?" I asked, my voice drain of volume

"I. Banished. Him" he stated slowly, into my ear "He was just as dishonorable as you. Speaking against me and my rule, questioning my word and say. Not unlike you did just now" he cooed with malicious intent

"You. Promised me that you would look out for him, that you would protect him!" I screamed into his face and over his voice as loud as I could.

He then slapped me across the face and corrected his posture. "And I kept my word, my brother is with him. He'll live, and he'll live away from me and my rule." my cheeks burned from the slap, as I tried to keep my tears at bay, holding my palm to my cheek. "You'll be fine. It compares not the mark I left on your son." He remarked darkly.

He watched me eyes widen in further fear as he continued "I challenged him to an Agni Kai to learn some honor, but he wept before my feet, like a coward. So I burned a permanent mark into his face, so he will never forgot his place ever again."

The thought, the picture in my mind of Zuko's beautiful sweet face scarred by fire by his own father's hand.... I couldn't let that be...

I grabbed Ozai's legs and pulled them from underneath him, knocking him to the ground. He fell back with a harsh thud as I grabbed his hands to prevent him from using them against me. "You VILE, ABOMINABLE MAN! How dare you touch him!" I proceeded to hit him, in his face, his ribs, and his, anywhere I could reach as I screamed as loud as I could. Tears poured down my face and dripped down onto his robes as I tried to hurt him as much as I could, so he could feel just the smallest amount of pain that I was in, that I had been in for four years.

"GUARDS! GUARDS!" Screamed out Ozai as he squirmed beneath my punches, I wouldn't let go. No. I wouldn't stop, he was a monster and he deserved this pain. Make him pay was all I could hear as though someone was whispering in my ear. I was entirely and fully engulfed within the moment that I hadn't notice the door open. Two guards entered the prison and hauled me off Ozai by my arms as though I weighed nothing.

"YOU MONSTER!" I screamed trying and succeeded in some instances at kicking him as they dragged me off. He deserves to feel as you do "You'll pay!!!!" I shouted out, choking on my tears.

Ozai stood up as soon as I was taken off, he quickly tried to fix his robes and take control of himself and posture. But he was shaken up, I could see it. "As you can see, she isn't well. She's not only a danger to me, but also herself." He looked me dead in the eye, expecting me to quaver, to look away but I didn't. I kept eye contact, I wasn't scared of him. "Restrain her." he stated and went to turn away.

"You can't leave me here for ever!!" I shouted as the guards pulled me away from the door "OZAI! YOU'LL PAY FOR WHAT YOU DID!!!!" I screamed ans shouted. The maid I had known these last four years came in holding a jacket of white fabric that she and the guards used to tie me up, restraining and removing all my ability to move.

"LET ME GO!!" I cried falling over face first into my bed, my arms wrapped tight around me, unable to move. My tears poured from my eyes forming a puddle on the bedsheets. Within a moment they were gone, they were all gone. No one was in there with me, no one would help me as I cried and cried. They heard me before they had to have heard me again. so I cried out for everyone, I wouldn't be quiet, not anymore.

I screamed until my lungs were out of air, until my throat was dry and was unable to rasp out a quiet and dire "help" as I laid in my bed, trapped and alone.

----------------------------------------------------------

"Mother. Mother wake up" I opened my eyes, red and swollen from hours of crying "Mother" I looked about the room, only one torch still lit leaving the room is a somber near darkness.

"Hello?" I rasped out, my throat damaged from the screaming.

"Mother, why'd you leave me" The voice came from behind me so I turned towards it, but there was no one there. I looked back forward and then I saw him. He was in the mirror, looking at me with a large bandage over his face. "Why did you let him hurt me?"

"Z-Zuko?" I cried out softly, my beautiful boy. He looked the same when I last saw him all those years ago, except for the bandage over his face "My darling, I-I'm so sorry-" I tried to speak but with each strained word my voice hurt more and more.

"He did this to us. And you let him" he began to cry from his one eye as he stared at me with as much pain as I was in.

"I'm sorr- sor- sorry-" I coughed from the dryness. I tried to move, but I couldn't no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't move my legs, my arms, I was trapped unable to move and now unable to speak.

"Mother. Why did you let this happen?" asked the child reflection of Zuko as the last of the torchlight went out.

2 notes · View notes

protagonistscum · 2 months ago

Text

realized why I don't read alta fics all that often despite there being major bangers

#i genuinely don't care about alta ships. it was the middest part of the show #and love drama between a bunch of teenagers isn't compelling when compared to the rest of the world #anyways. i look up fic recs. ant.i aa.ng comes up first #yall are REALLY beefing with a 12 year old? deadass?#granted that was at the top since i block a fair amount of alta ships #just lmao??? beefing with a fictional 12 year old?

0 notes

beangirl73047 · 3 months ago

Text

ATLA Fic recs

Blue

Iroh insists they create a new life and identity in Ba Sing Se. Zuko wants nothing more than to bide his time until his next opportunity to return home, until he realizes ‘Lee’ can get away with things Zuko never could. Zuko dons the mantle of the Blue Spirit again only to lose his focus when the Avatar comes to the city. This time, however, his attention is drawn to the annoying Southern Tribe warrior.

Better

Father loved to tell Zuko that Azula was the one born lucky, but she has no illusions. Every single step she took to the top was earned, by being smarter and better than everyone else. By never, ever, slipping up. Zuko tripped and fell into being crown prince thanks to Ursa, and he’s about to do it again thanks to the Avatar.

(An exploration of Azula from childhood to post-canon, through the events that made her a monster, and what remains when being a monster is no longer useful.)

Salvage

Mid-Season-One Zuko is held for ransom by Chief Hakoda. Ozai's replies to the Water Tribe's demands are A+ Parenting. Hakoda is�� deeply concerned, for this son that isn't his, and who might be safer among enemies than with his own father.

Podfic and translations in German, Hungarian, Russian, Spanish, and Ukrainian now available! See chapter one author notes for links.

Turn a Blind Eye to the Rumours

When Katara speaks, she somehow says the right and the wrong thing: “Then he’ll forgive you. He will.”

Zuko doesn’t know whether to scream or laugh. The noise that he makes is sort of both. “Let’s just say my family isn’t the forgiving type.”

***

Zuko assumes that the others knows how he got his scar. Because…well, doesn’t everyone? His friends have travelled all over the world; they must have heard the rumours. It’s just something he’s got to live with.

Or, Zuko wildly overestimates how much Team Avatar knows about him, a conversation goes slightly differently, and the gaang plots a murder because that’s what good friends do.

A Long Way Home

For three years, Zuko searched for the Avatar. But he'd never really thought that much about what would happen once he succeeded.

Alternatively: Zuko actually has a plan for catching the Avatar at the North Pole. Somehow, it works. But after a few days of pai sho and tea, he begins to wonder if maybe it would've been better if it hadn't.

Moon of My Life, Flame of My Heart

Six plus one, POV outsider

Six times someone realized Azula might actually like (or even love) her wife Yue. Whether she realizes that fact or not is another thing entirely.

AKA

The very unlikely but weirdly functional arranged marriage between Princesses Yue and Azula, as told through the eyes of the unsuspecting people around them.

you make a really good girl (as girls go)

“Oh spirits,” Azula says, grinning widely. The Water Tribe is full of idiots. “You don’t want to marry Zuko, he’s useless. Also, he’s already engaged.”

“He is?” Yue blinks at her.

“Of course he is, he’s going to be the Fire Lord, he’s been engaged since he was twelve,” Azula says. A useless Fire Lord who she’s going to have to prop up, if not outright usurp, but Fire Lord all the same.

The things she does for this family, she swears.

Do You Hear The People Sing?

The Fire Nation has only rebelled once in its long history. They are a proud people, and a loyal one. They do not turn against their own for no reason. They protect their own.

Especially their Prince.

~~~ Basically this was a What if the Fire Nation said Fuck Ozai and rebelled AU. along with a sprinkling of world building built in. Enjoy!

a nation, held

It doesn’t take long for the rumors to start.

The Fire Nation prides itself on its civilization. It isn’t like the other, lesser, nations who throw their children away by sending them into war. Those uncultured and unfeeling savages who are destroying their own future faster than the Fire Nation can save them from themselves.

Every Fire Nation child goes to school. They learn reading and writing, the illustrious history of their country, and what will be expected of them as proper, upstanding Fire Nation citizens. They are to be protected, because children are the future glory of the nation.

The crown prince is thirteen when his father burns his face in front of an audience of hundreds.

half in the shadows, half burned in flames

“They say you tried to kill the Firelord,” Hakoda says. "Why?"

Zuko doesn’t know how to answer. Because I hate him. Because I love him. Because he wants to see the world burn. Because he knotted one hand in my hair and cupped flames against my face with the other.

Because my mother is dead.

Because my uncle is dead.

Instead, he shrugs tiredly and says: “Someone has to.”

Amnesia!Zuko Joins the Earth Army

Zuko loses his memory and becomes an Earth Kingdom war hero. His father is going to LOVE this.

Podfic now available!

Post-Canon Fire Lord Zuko (and his staff)

A few people have asked if I would make a series for my Fire Lord Zuko fics so they’re easier to read, so here we are! The fics aren’t linear, or necessarily connected (though I do recycle original characters, and occasionally reference an event mentioned in another fic) but you don’t need to read all of them in order to understand one of them, so you’re free to read whichever ones you want. Enjoy!!

Afternoon Tea

Of all the places he could have walked into--of all the tea shops in Ba Sing Se--(of which there are many)--he had chosen the one that Prince-fucking-Zuko worked at.

Or: Early on during his time in Ba Sing Se, Sokka stops for a cup of tea. This small action changes everything.

The Art of Burning

Zuko had never excelled at anything. Azula was a prodigy. Uncle always knew what to say. And Father... Father was strong, iron-like. But Zuko had only ever been good at surviving. Putting one foot in front of the other in a grim show of stubborn determination, gritting his teeth and bearing it. Survival was all he had ever been taught. He knew how to do it. So when he was kidnapped by the Southern Water Tribe, he expected to fight as he always had. He didn’t expect to be taught instead how to live.

In a warring land, the Water Tribe forgave the enemy in an act of defiance. For this, he was torn from them, and this time, his wounds won't heal so easily.

Forced back into nothing but survival, the last person Zuko expected to see was Hakoda's son. Hakoda was a promise of safety. The relentless blue of Sokka’s eyes was a promise of happiness. Zuko could have both if he just reached out his hands, but he found them clutching into fists. After all, he’d been burned one too many times.

But hey, at least between Hakoda and Sokka, Zuko could appreciate the family resemblance of pure, asinine stubbornness.

PODFIC AND TRANSLATIONS AVAILABLE

Honor Among Thieves

Father keeps on telling Zuko that he's acting without honor, but a lot of the time he won't explain what exactly Zuko is doing wrong, and what he should do to be more honorable. So, Zuko decides to do some research and ask around about how he should behave honorably.

Or: the servants of the Fire Lord's palace develop a soft spot for Zuko, Zuko confuses everyone around him with his particular brand of shout-y, aggressive politeness, and somehow Zuko accidentally ends up leading a revolution.

#ALTA #Fic recs #avatar the last airbender #alta fic recs #avatar the last airbender fic recs

0 notes

jenoslutie · 2 months ago

Text

everyone shut the fuck up and read this. IM GAGGGEDDDDD IM FLOORREDDDDDDDD lord.....

how to be a latin lover ♡ h.js (m)

♡ synopsis: the dreadful semester has started — meaning your summer vacation has come to end, and so has your summer fling…or has it? ♡ genre: summer fling au ; big dummy dumb idiots to lovers ; ta x student dynamics. ♡ pairing: spanish ta!joshua hong x chaebol!fem!reader | side pairings: lee chan x jung haerim (weki meki) ; wen junhui x lee saerom (fromis_9) ♡ word count: 26.8k ♡ rating: 18+. minors do not interact, i beg. ♡ warnings: honestly, a little toxic if you squint. lots of pining. hella slow burn. lots of suggestive commentary but no smut because i'm ass at it (sorry if you wanted some, maybe during the lore drops for this fic later this year i'll add some) and very, very toxic mother-daughter dynamics [official warnings: joshua and y/n are absolute idiots. i’m talking the dumbest mfs you’ve ever encountered, you’ll want to scream at them through the screen.] ♡ what to listen to: otro atardecer - bad bunny, the marías ; get to you - mac ayres ; sky full of stars - coldplay ; brave enough - leehi ; qué locura enamorarme de ti - eddie santiago ♡ a/n: it's finally here! thank you to @camandemstudios for allowing me to be a part of such a wonderful collab (and i promise hoshi will be out by next week!) thank you to @tomodachii , @wqnwoos and @highvern for betaing this stupid behemoth and telling me to stop being a little bitch (no one said that). hopefully i will see everyone soon with the hoshi version! thanks for reading!

Monday, August 29th.

Summer is over.

A sad fate deemed inescapable, despite your sunkissed glow and endless array of swimsuits begging you to stay on the beach – you were forced to return to reality after spending six weeks in Mexico, away from the shackles of your mother's constant nagging and the fall semester of impending doom. Your trip was all-expenses paid, of course – thanks to daddy's big, fat wallet.

You had no worries – your skin was clear, your hair was bouncy, your belly was full of delicious food as you pranced the streets of Puerto Vallarta with your best friend, Lee Saerom. Your father didn't even know he'd footed the bill for her, too. He didn't check the credit card report after you booked your trip – just nodded absentmindedly and waved you off, his voice echoing the walls of the office. "Have fun, honey."

Well? The fun you had…is now here to bite you in your sweet, sunkissed ass.

Summer flings have been your thing since you were eighteen – so since your parents finally let you out of their grasp to 'explore.' Whatever the hell that meant, you didn't know, but you gladly took the plane tickets and went off to wherever they sent you. One year, it was Greece, and your summer sweetheart grew a bit too obsessed with you – leading you to change your number and start using burner phones for vacations.

You covered all your tracks. You didn't even give this guy your social media accounts, you gave him your burner number…you didn't even tell him your last name. Yet, you are so undeniably screwed.

"Hello, everyone!" He scans the room as he takes a sip of his coffee, glancing at the door. "I'm unsure if you all received the email, but Professor Lee won't be in today." He's still scouring faces, taking in new ones and recognizing old ones. He hasn't seen you, and you're sure if you just sink a bit further down, he won't. "I'm Joshua Hong, and I'm Professor Lee's teaching assistant this year. She asked me to review the syllabus with you, in lieu of her absence." He taps the stack of papers on the large oak desk, clicking his tongue. "I'm gonna put the digital copy up on the projector, and you guys can just pick one of these up on your way out. Sounds good?" The class seemingly nods simultaneously, and you find yourself sliding down your chair as he walks to dim the lights. "That being said, welcome to Beginning Spanish Conversation! I took this course last year, and Professor Lee is super nice so you won't have to worry about getting into any scuffles with her."

He's speaking to himself as he connects everything, the home screen of his laptop popping onto the projector screen. It's him and two other guys dressed as the Powerpuff Girls. He giggles to himself before using the laser pointer. "Not that you guys care, but these are my friends." He points to the one dressed as Buttercup, tied to a moving dolly with a sour expression on his face.

"This is Jeonghan. He's another TA on the East Campus, and the secretary of my fraternity! If you ever see me off campus, I'm likely with him and this guy." He points at the one dressed as Bubbles with a tiara on, a guy you recognize but can't seem to place. "This is Seungcheol. He's President of Beta Tau Omega, in case you're wondering where you've probably seen him before." You freeze as he opens his Safari, hoping that comment wasn't directed at you. It opens to the syllabus, and you feel your lips twitch at how cute Professor Lee made it. There is a floral border surrounding the page, and he points the laser on the screen again.

"Okay, so. Again, I'm Joshua Hong and your professor is Lee Hyori. This is Beginning Spanish Conversation, so we'll be learning a lot of vocabulary and common phrases. Enough to get you by in case you're ever stranded in the middle of Guadalajara with no phone and no money." He smiles, and someone raises their hand in the front.

"Are you speaking from personal experience?" It's Jung Haerim, a girl from your World Cultures class last semester.

His smile only grows slightly wider as he shakes his head. "No, and yes. I got lost in Denmark. Copenhagen, to be exact, and I had to flirt my way onto the train. Not as fun as it sounds, trust me." He returns to the screen, carefully going over what the students could expect in the coming weeks. He reiterated that Professor Lee loves pop quizzes, so stay prepared. It was only then when he finally stopped speaking, flashing yet another award-winning smile.

"Any questions?"

Your hand is crawling to cover your face as people start asking questions, further prolonging your suffering – when you feel eyes on you. Peeking through your fingers, you see him peering at you over the rim of his tumbler. They hold a mischievous glint, and he casually continues answering questions.

Where are you from?

"Los Angeles. I moved here when I was about…nineteen? Yeah." You already knew this.

How was your summer?

"Pretty good, I spent eight weeks in Puerto Vallarta. I got back maybe three days ago, and only then did I find out I got this position." You knew this, too. He probably remembers you.

What's your major?

"I'm a Music major, with a minor in Jazz Studies." He told you this on your third night together, over an IPA and a shared basket of chips and salsa. You burned your tongue on your food that night, you couldn't taste for days.

Oh? Why that?

"I've always been passionate about it. Funny, I took Spanish to broaden my horizons for it. I'll hopefully be a producer after graduation."

Your impatience begins to show as you bounce your leg irritably, and it's almost like he can hear your thoughts. "Alright, alright. I'll literally be here every time you guys are, so save your questions about me. Or, find me after! We can hang, I'm usually at the frat anyway." He shrugs, gesturing to the pile of papers on the desk.

"Syllabus, take one!" His smile is bright as you scramble down the steps, snatching the piece of paper off the desk and just about sprint to the door. You can feel your cheeks heating in embarrassment as you barrel down the hallway, deciding to skip your next class in hopes of drowning in your shame.

You spot Saerom a few feet down the hall, smiling and talking to one of your other friends, Chan. He was rushing that stupid fraternity this year, so if your math was right – you wouldn't be able to avoid Joshua at all this year.

"Saerom, I'm so fucked." You call, and she immediately spins around, a look of discernment on her face.

"Y/N, what are you on about this time? The last time you said that, it was because you left your Dior lip oil in Morocco." She deadpans, and you scoff. "Maybe it's about her classes." Chan reminds her coolly, and you sigh as you slump your forehead against his chest, earning a pat on the back from him.

"For once, the twink is right." Groaning, you bury your face further into Chan's chest. "I've got to transfer out of Spanish, or the University. I cannot be on this campus."

Your words are muffled against Chan's shirt, earning a sigh from Saerom as she places her hands on your shoulders. "Get a grip, Y/N! It's the first day of your last year, it's not the end of the world. You will not see any of these people next semester, trust me."

She's not understanding the severity of your issue, and only when you hear someone stop behind you, do you attempt to explain. "Saerom, you're not listening–"

"Saerom, is that you?"

She looks up, her eyes lighting up as she gently gestures for you to hang on, pushing past to envelop whoever it was in a hug. You look over your shoulder, eyes wide as you see him looking down at your best friend.

"Shua! Oh my God, it's been so long! How's your mom?!" Shua. Oh, you feel sick.

Your breath hitches in your throat, before Chan's amused face comes into your line of vision as he drapes his arm over your shoulder – effectively hiding you from Joshua. "We'll let you guys catch up. See you later, Saerom?"

He tugs you away without getting an answer from her, and you almost make it out of the hall when you hear your name slip from Saerom's lips. "Oh, Y/N is my best friend! I'll have to introduce you sometime, you'd love her."

You barely catch Joshua's response as Chan makes a left out of the hall.

"I'm sure I will."

Friday, September 2nd.

"So…anything you want to tell me?"

Saerom is standing next to you, placing forks next to slices of cake. The two of you had missed three birthdays on your trip, and you'd invited said birthday buddies over for a celebratory movie night to make up for it. You'd bought a cake on your way home from your first Organic Chemistry lab, and Saerom had set up the apartment with the small gifts you'd brought back from Puerto Vallarta.

To your luck, Saerom had pulled you aside while you were cutting the cake to talk to you.

"Uh, no? I skipped Spanish today? I used the last of my face wash?"

She rolls her eyes, crossing her arms as she turns to face you. "You were never gonna tell me that you slept with someone this summer?"

"I don't know what you're talking about? Obviously, you knew I'd find someone."

You try to hold in the heat of embarrassment, but Saerom's like a dog with a bone. "Right, of course. How would I, your best friend, not know that you, my best friend, slept with a guy over the summer?" Soonyoung, Junhui and Nagyung were playing Mario Kart on your television, and couldn't hear the conversation being had in the kitchen. You felt your cheeks warm as you stared into the cake, a bit of chocolate frosting smeared on your knuckles. "Sae, it was just some random guy I met when you slept in. Why does this matter?" "It matters…" She huffs, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, and you give her a look of get on with it. "It matters because he's my cousin, Y/N."

Your grip on the spatula tightens. You can feel your stomach drop, eyes wide as you look back at her. "He's your what?"

"I'm not mad at you, if that's what you're thinking. I'd never be mad at you for that…even if it is weird for me." She says quietly, and sighs as you feel panic set into your skin. "I just…Why didn't you tell me? I transferred to this university for you, I tell you about all my hookups, and I had to find out through him that you guys were sleeping together for the last three weeks of our vacation?"

"How could I have possibly known the two of you were related? Better yet, why does it matter? It was just a stupid fling, Sae. I'm not trying to marry into your family, God." You mumble, placing the spatula in the sink and covering the rest of the cake with the plastic lid. "If it makes you feel any better, I didn't think it would come back to bite me in the ass." "It doesn't. I thought you already considered me family, Y/N. It seems I've been under the wrong impression for a while." Her eyes are cold as she moves the cake slices onto a tray, and you feel taken aback. "What the hell does that mean?" "What the hell did you mean? As if marrying into my family would be so fucking bad? We're a great family. We're loving, open, and honest. Nothing like you, it seems!"

You gape at her, before you feel a bit of anger claw at your throat. "Saerom, I didn't think I'd ever see him again! Of course I'm going to hope he doesn't expect anything more from me, because I can't handle that. I want a career, I want to own my parents' businesses after graduation. I can't let a guy tie me down, no matter who he is to my friends. You have to get that." Her eyes are hurt, contrary to the furious tug on her brows. She knows what you want out of life, she always had – at least, what you would let her believe. Your parents had expectations, and you, as their only daughter, had to fulfill everything. Taking over your father's companies, inheriting your mother's properties, continuing the bloodline. It was all on you.

God forbid a girl have a little fun on vacation.

"It's always about you and your career, isn't it?" She mutters, grabbing the tray and walking towards the living room. She stops in front of the doorway, looking over her shoulder. "I thought I could trust you, Y/N. It seems that being a Risk Analyst may not be my perfect fit, after all."

You kind of hate that this is happening.

No, scratch that. You hate that this is happening. You don't even really understand what just happened, or how Saerom could have possibly interpreted what you said as something bad. Despite these horrible circumstances, you knew that Joshua couldn't possibly be a bad guy. Granted, you'd skipped your Spanish class twice now, doing everything in your power to convince Chan to enroll into it so you wouldn't have to face Joshua alone. You even said you'd pay his stupid fraternity dues if he got in, no matter how bad you hated Beta Tau Omega.

Joshua was sweet on vacation, but everyone has their vacation persona, and their normal life characteristics. At home, you were serious, studious, and even slightly uptight.

On vacation, you were…flirtatious, unhinged, a bit wild. You took shots from strangers and stayed out in clubs and bars until the wee hours of the morning. You'd play games of chicken with cute guys, letting them kiss you in bathrooms and put their hands up your skirt.

Joshua did none of that, he didn't indulge your behavior. At least, not right off the bat.

He'd caught your eye at a restaurant, speaking perfect Spanish to the waitress. He looked…refreshing. Sweet, different from your past romances. He looked like someone you'd actually date, but you were on vacation and you weren't looking for a long-term, potentially long-distance boyfriend. A quick fuck, a cum-and-go, if you will.

You'd bought him a mimosa, ignoring his line of vision as you befriended a few girls you'd met at the pool of your hotel. Saerom decided to sleep in that morning, and almost every other time you managed to catch Joshua alone – she wasn't in your presence. Maybe that was the universe protecting the both of them, while scorning you.

He'd sent a glass of white wine to your table, also avoiding your gaze and continuing his breakfast conversation with his friends. Jeonghan and Seungcheol, now that you can put a name to the faces. You didn't bother then, it didn't matter.

Not until now, of course.

You remember walking past his table on your way to close out your check, slipping your name and burner number on a napkin. You remember his friends teasing him, even hearing one of them give a low whistle. You remember said burner phone buzzing in your pocket less than an hour later, and meeting up with him that night at a salsa club down the beach.

You also remember cuddling on a hammock with him, pointing out stars you'd memorized as a kid because you wanted to be an astronaut. You remember him kissing your fingertips as you talked about your life back home, leaving out details of where you lived, where you went to school and who your parents were. You remember his eyes scanning your face, lingering on your lips as you sighed, voicing your unhappiness.

You had truly opened up to a stranger faster than you had anyone else. Even Saerom didn't know you felt this way about your life. How could she? She was under the impression that you loved it, you loved feeling important, you loved the money your lifestyle was funded by. That you didn't care about your parents' emotional absence, and the overwhelming amount of nannies being rotated in and out of your childhood in place of them.

Some things are better left unsaid, you remind yourself. You have to remind yourself that this façade needs to be upheld. You have to make your parents proud. You have to.

Right?

You're still standing in the kitchen when Nagyung appears in the doorway, her voice soft as she calls out to you. "Y/N?" You jump, a hand to your chest as you look up. She apologizes, "Sorry! It's just…the movie is starting. Are you coming?" "Yeah, sorry. I'll be right there." You gesture at the mess of cake crumbs and frosting, and she gives you a quick smile before scurrying back to the living room. You turn to wash the spatula, your mind just reminiscing as you grab the soapy sponge.

"So you're going to take over your father's business?""Yeah, I'm an only child, so I don't have much of a choice. If I don't take it, it just goes to the highest bidder. In my mind, it wouldn't be the end of the world if that happened, I'd get to pursue my own path."

"If you think that, why are you taking it over? Why not tell your parents that you have dreams you want to pursue? I know it's easier said than done, but office jobs are not good for the soul in my opinion." He spoke confidently, his fingers twirling your hair.

"I'd be ungrateful, I'd be throwing away hundreds of properties and investors. I'd be throwing away this lavish life I live, funded by my father's money. I'd be throwing away a secure future…and I'd be letting them down."

You didn't want to be an astronaut anymore. You'd long let that dream go, along with an eight-year-old you that had posters of Yi Soyeon and constellations plastered all over your room. You remember your mother standing in the doorway of your bedroom when you got your first poster of a supernova, a glass of Merlot in her hand as she sighed. "You'll never be like them, you know? Going into space…eating peanut butter on crackers and floating. It's not possible." She had been right, anyway. You had put all of those posters up in your attic, along with your rocket models when you moved for college. The only thing you kept and brought with you to University was the orrery your last nanny gifted you for your fifteenth birthday. It sat pretty on your desk in your room, mocking your every move.

You were getting a business degree. You were majoring in Marketing. You're taking Spanish for the same reason Joshua did, to broaden your horizons, and make business boom. To feed the greed that festered in your parents, and give them what they want.

But…unbeknownst to them, you were also majoring in Physics. You wanted to give yourself the sliver of hope that they wouldn't actually want you to take over the firms, that you'd get to continue your education and get your doctorate. That you'd be a plasma physicist and watch everything happen in real time for space research, without having to leave Earth's surface.

Delusions, all of it.

"Welcome. You missed the first fifteen minutes." Soonyoung scoots over, offering you the lit joint between his fingers as you sigh. Taking it, you plop down on the couch cushion, your leg draped over the armrest. "Takes time to have a clean house, Hoshi." Saerom glances at you from her spot on the floor, her eyes unreadable as she blinks. She frowns slightly, returning her attention to the television. You can tell she feels uneasy about the entire situation. She's probably asking herself how she didn't catch on, or why she didn't ask.

And the truth is, you're kind of glad she didn't. Had she done so, you probably wouldn't have slept with him. You probably would've found out they were family and completely ghosted him, or at least told him that you were her friend. You would've let him down much more easily, instead of leaving Puerto Vallarta without saying goodbye and throwing your burner phone in the garbage at the airport.

Everything would have been different, you would have acted differently.

Nonetheless, you can't dwell on the past. You can't keep skipping Spanish, and you can't let your grades slip over some stupid summer hookup. What you can do is pretend it didn't happen. Pretend you've never seen him in the nude, pretend you don't know what his lips feel like. Pretend like he didn't affect you deeper than he did, because it wasn't just sex.

And you hate that it wasn't.

Monday, September 5th.

"You love me, Lee Chan!" You'd done it. You'd convinced him to join your class so you wouldn't be subjected to Joshua's nonexistent wrath alone. Seeing Chan leaning on the wall next to the door was a sight for sore eyes – even if he was trying to subtly flirt with Haerim.

"Y/N, you're going to scare the hoes!" He speaks through gritted teeth, allowing you to envelope him in a tight hug. "Ugh, you've saved me from a world of misery." "You're so needy." He mutters into your hair, making you pull away with a smug look on your face. "Well? Why is everyone out here?" "Professor Lee isn't here today. We're waiting for Joshua to get the door open." Haerim speaks as she locks her phone, shoving it into her pocket. She eyes you up and down, noticing the slight frown on your lips. "Why did you skip twice already? The semester just started." Grimacing, you make up a lie. "Prior commitments. Couldn't miss 'em." "Right…" She gives you a look of discernment before fishing her phone back out of her pocket. "I'm gonna skip, actually. You still have my number, right? Can you forward what you guys do today?" Upon seeing your nod, she gives you a lazy smile and worms her way through the crowd of students forming around the door. Everyone is whining and complaining, but you're now searching the hall to see if you can also make a run for it…

"Hey! So sorry, guys. Professor Lee just called me." A slightly disheveled Joshua appears behind a group of girls, holding up a set of keys. You look away, meeting eyes with Chan – who is squinting at Joshua as if he knew him. "Is that…Isn't he the Vice President of Beta Tau Omega?"nk

"Leave it up to one of my best friends to befriend the enemy." You scowl, before looping your arm in his to tug him into the classroom. The front few rows are already filling out, with Joshua regaining his composure at Professor Lee's desk. You and Chan make a beeline for the back of the classroom, taking the last two seats in the third row.

"I'm rushing this year, I need to know my higher ups." Chan whispers back, and the two of you whip your heads towards the front of the room at the sound of Joshua clearing his throat. "Sorry again, everyone. Unfortunately, a late start will be followed by a quiz." He winces as a collective groan follows his announcement, and you feel your stomach flip. You don't know enough Spanish to pass this class by the seat of your pants. You barely retained how to introduce yourself from high school. "Don't worry, since this is the first quiz of the semester, I'll go easy on you. Just some general conjugation, and it's to see where you fall on the scale." Joshua speaks confidently as he walks around the room, handing stacks of the quiz to the first person in the row. You feel your eyes glued to the floor as he holds the stack out for you to take, and you hate how your hand shakes as you do so.

What you hate even more?

"Nice to see you in class, Miss Y/N." He whispers, before crossing his arms behind his back and walking down the steps. Chan snickers next to you, earning a smack. "Not funny!" You grit, whacking him again with the stack of quizzes.

"Once you are done with your quiz, I will grade it. You may then leave for the day, because I really do not have the energy to think of anything else to be done." He's rubbing his temples, and you hear a few people sigh in relief.

"Easy money." Chan whispers to himself, before clicking his pen and beginning the quiz. You glance down at it, your lip tucked behind your teeth. The quiz seems standard – a few conjugations, a few multiple choice. One short answer at the bottom, asking you to describe what you did over the summer in Spanish.

"Fuck." You mumble.

You can't lie to yourself, you probably fucked yourself over by skipping those last two classes. They probably reviewed, took notes. Maybe even engaged in actual conversation with each other, with Professor Lee…with Joshua.

Nonetheless, you feel your skin crawl when you notice that you've spent so much time agonizing over this, that you're one of the last students left. Chan finished at some point and you didn't notice, because now he's waiting by the door for you. You feel your throat tighten, forcing you to zero in and just scribble an answer at the bottom of your quiz.

Grabbing your backpack, you fling it over your shoulder before trekking the steps, noticing Joshua giving you a warm smile.

"Miss Y/N." He greets, taking your paper. You give him a tight nod, before spinning on your heel to leave. You're barely two steps in the right direction when you hear him again. "Ah, ah, ah! We need to speak, Miss Y/N. Turn around." You're semi-grateful that the classroom is nearly empty, because you know you look embarrassed as you turn back around. "Yes, sir?" His smile drops as you stand in front of him, and he taps his pen on your quiz. "You missed two classes consecutively. Per the syllabus, you can only miss six classes per semester, and we don't accept late work. You can't excel in this course if you're not physically here, you know." He's not being a douche. You know he's not, but you can't help and slightly bristle.

"I had other matters to attend to, sir. I'll be on time for the remainder of the semester."

This doesn't seem to satisfy him, and his brows furrow slightly before he shakes his head, sighing. He turns your quiz over, the capital C minus grade in red ink.

"I know you don't want to be here, it's clear in your attitude. However, if you intend to pass this class, you have to show up. My tutoring hours are on the syllabus, revisit them and send me an email when you get a chance so we can get you back on track."

Your mouth opens slightly, and Joshua gives you a rather stern look. "Don't. I'm trying to help you." "Yes, sir." You mutter. He tilts his head towards the door. "You can leave." Huffing, you storm out of the room and nearly shove Chan out of the way when you reach the door. "Woah, hey! Don't kill me, Y/N!" He grabs your elbow, and you groan loudly. "Dude, what's your deal?" Chan asks, taking hold of both your shoulders as the two of you round the corner out of the hallway.

"My deal, Chan, is that I fucking slept with the TA over the summer! That's my deal, dude!" You throw your arms up in exasperation, and a lightbulb seems to go off in Chan's head as his mouth forms an O-shape. You lean against the brick wall of the building, slowly sliding down and covering your face with your hands.

"You..fucked Joshua Hong." He speaks, and you let out another groan, similar to that of a goat. "Yes, Chan. I fucked Joshua Hong in Puerto Vallarta in a random villa on the beach." "Spare me the details, will you?" He grimaces, running a hand through his hair. He squats next to you, making you look up at him with his hand. He gives your look of defeat a laugh, a concerned smile remaining on his lips as he touches his head to yours. "Don't worry, Y/N. He won't be anything but professional, I promise you."

"How do you know?" You whine, Chan's smile of concern turning into one of reassurance. "He clearly takes his job seriously, and he could've told the entire frat by now. Joshua Hong banged the biggest chaebol on campus, Kang Y/N. Crazy." You can tell he's trying to make you feel better, but you already knew Joshua wasn't the type to kiss and tell. Tell anyone other than Saerom, of course – but the two of you didn't speak much over the weekend so you felt a bit down in the dumps anyway. You didn't have dinner together or even go on a morning coffee run like you usually did – choosing to rot in your own rooms until hunger forced you out.

"He's Saerom's cousin, Channie." You pout, allowing him to tug you up off the wall and fling his arm over your shoulders. He sighs, resting his head against yours before he speaks. "Well, it can't get any worse than this, can it?"

– ☆ –

You scribble a reminder on a sticky note to kill Lee Chan for his earlier words – it has gotten worse.

You had forced yourself to review the syllabus upon returning home, especially after your Organic Chemistry professor informed everyone twenty minutes before class started that it was canceled. You then forced yourself to type out a concise and polite email to Joshua Hong, and you forced yourself to press send.

Ten minutes later, you forced yourself to read his reply.

And now, fifteen minutes after reading it, you were parked in the lot, your head resting against your steering wheel as you repeated some positive affirmations. "I can do this, I can do this. He's gonna be professional, I'm going to fix my hours, and I'll be on my way home."

Hopping out, you make sure to press your keyfob twice to hear it lock. Breathing in deeply, you made your way towards the hallway, seeing a few stragglers still on campus. It was nearly six in the evening, so they were probably also in office hours. Seeing the small office come into view, you stare at the names on the bronze plaques. Wow, you think. How important.

Kim Namjoon…WED. 3PM-7PM.

Jennie Kim…THURS. 4PM-8PM

Joshua Hong…MON/TUES/FRI. 2PM-6PM

Jeon Soyeon…MON-FRI. 10AM-1PM, OCHEM II ONLY.

Sighing, you grabbed the doorknob and twisted, pushing it open to reveal Joshua speaking on the phone. His eyes dart to you, a hand to his chest before gesturing to the table in the corner. You roll your eyes, before shutting the door and flipping the sign that reads In Session.

"Yes ma'am…mhm…I will get that done." Joshua is pinching the bridge of his nose, making you snort to yourself as you sink into the surprisingly comfortable chair in the corner of the room. You set your backpack on the floor, pulling your laptop out and a notepad. Clicking a pen, you fold your hands in your lap, waiting for him to finish.

"Yes, I will see you on Monday, Professor. Alright, take care." He hangs up, taking a moment to process. He blinks twice, before shaking it off and opening one of the drawers. "Good to see you, Miss Y/N. This is the review that you missed on Wednesday, and you missed an oral introduction on Friday." Standing, he holds up a packet. "This is just verb conjugation. I was originally going to use this for extra credit, but seeing as you got the highest grade out of anyone in the morning session, I think it's safe to say you probably won't need it." You're silent as he hands it to you.

"You will have to make up for lost time here, so you can stay for…an hour today, and then you can make up the other two on Friday." He's checking the calendar by the door, taking a pen from his pocket to write it in. "Sounds good?" You don't answer, just nodding your head. He raises his brow at you, "Cat got your tongue?" Grimacing, you glance up at him. "Sounds fine, sir." He smiles a bit, before clicking his tongue. "Actually, just take it. You can go, Miss Y/N."

He walks to the desk, shutting his laptop. Confused, you look at him. "You want me to go?" "I don't want you to be anywhere you don't want to be, even if it's for your own benefit. You can leave." He nods, sliding his laptop into his bag, zipping it up and hiking it over his shoulder. "I have a prior commitment I can't miss, so consider this a favor." Snorting, you just shake your head as you put your things away. "I don't need any favors from you." You mutter to yourself, and Joshua smiles brightly as he holds the door open for you. "Whatever helps you sleep at night, Miss Y/N. Have a good night." "You too." You grumble, pushing past him to see Jeonghan and Seungcheol leaning against the wall. Seungcheol is holding an extra cup in his hand, and Joshua just lets out a sigh before greeting them warmly. Unfortunately, they're walking in the same direction as you, so you reach into your hoodie pocket for your headphones – but not before you hear a low whistle. "She looks familiar."

You just shove your other hand in your pocket, wondering if they'll keep talking. Does the other one remember you? Do they know you slept with Joshua? Did he tell them? "It's funny to think you'd remember anyone, when you're one of the biggest whores on campus." One of them speaks, and you can hear Joshua laugh lightly. "She's my student, so shut up. Anyway, how'd things go with the new OChem professor? I heard he's a mess, canceling classes back to back." You decide to tune them out as you reach the end of the hallway, not wanting to entertain them as the parking lot comes into view. You can see from where you're standing that there is a ticket stuck under your windshield wiper, and you groan. "Son of a bitch."

Jogging over, you take it off and see that it's not actually a ticket, but a note from someone saying they hit your car. Gasping, you round your car and see a huge dent in your bumper, black paint scraped off and your tail light broken. "Motherfucker!"

You can hear the trio of men getting closer, hearing the beep of the car next to yours as it unlocks. Scowling to yourself, you take your phone out to call your father. He should know what to do..right? His assistant picks up on the second ring. "Kang Enterprises, Gyuri speaking."

Sighing, you speak to her for a moment. She tells you he's in a meeting, and can't come to the phone at the moment. It's nearly seven at this point, what could he possibly have a meeting about? She says she doesn't know, but that your mother is also at the office and she's available. You reluctantly agree to speak to her, leaning your forehead against your rear windshield.

"Y/N? Why are you calling?" She sounds disinterested in whatever matters you may have, and you feel Jeonghan skirt past you as he rounds to the driver's side. "Sorry," He mumbles, and you scoff before moving out of the way. He grimaces before hopping in, and you can hear Joshua speaking to Seungcheol as he also rounds to the driver's side.

"Hello, Mother. Someone hit the beamer–" You barely get the words out before she starts responding. Yelling, actually – and so loud you have to pull the phone away from your ear. Joshua is unfortunately hopping into the passenger seat, and he can see the look of defeat on your face. He gives you a sympathetic smile, and you frown before turning away.

You're still standing there as they pull out, but you've put her on speaker now. She's yelling about how irresponsible you are (and let's not forget you weren't the one who hit a car here) and that she can't believe you expect them to send you another. "I don't want another, I just want Daddy's advice on where to take it to get it fixed." "I don't care, Y/N. We'll get another one down there tomorrow. Just…be more responsible, will you?!"

She hangs up, and you tongue your cheek so as to not cry in frustration. You don't want to drive the car home in this condition, you could get pulled over and then it's worse. Pulling up your messages, you scour who you could call. Chan is at a stupid pledge thing, you're not speaking to Saerom. Sighing, you quickly shoot Soonyoung a text, before calling the local towing company. They towed Chan's car last year when the two of you accidentally swerved into a fire hydrant trying to teach Nagyung how to drive.

Msg From: Soonyoung 🐯

[7:01PM] tf you mean someone hit ur car

[7:01PM] your PARKED car??? i'm literally in the shower, y/n

[7:03PM] ok uhh i think jun is on his way, if you wanna wait for him? if not i can finish up here in like 10 mins

Great.

Wednesday, September 7th.

"Shua." You hear Haerim speak from the front of the room. Your mother had angrily called you last night and said Gyuri would be dropping off your replacement vehicle today, so you were anything but focused until you heard the nickname slip from her lips.

"Haerim." He speaks, not taking his attention away from the corkboard he's putting up on the wall. It has Polaroids of all the students in your class and a few others you don't recognize. They probably took those on the days you weren't here.

"If you don't mind me asking, are you single? My friend drops me off on her way to French with Professor Bae and she thinks you're cute." Haerim is very casual with her conversation, making Joshua laugh lightly as he turns, holding a few thumbtacks between his fingers. "I am single, but I am unfortunately not on the market. Sorry to your friend, Haerim." She shakes her head, about to speak when you hear another person pipe up – Kim Myungjun, a guy you hooked up with at a sorority stoplight party your sophomore year. "How come? Did you get your heart broken or something?" Joshua smiles gently, sticking another Polaroid onto the board. He sighs, before turning back to face the room. "Something like that. I met a girl over the summer. Didn't end very well."

You can't believe your ears, and you can feel your eyes narrow as Chan shifts uncomfortably in his seat. You're willing to ignore it, until you hear Myungjun speak up. "Man, don't let that deter you from finding your soulmate! Love is everywhere, if we let one person dictate our confidence, we give their opinion value. I read that somewhere." Joshua nods, his smile never wavering, when he meets your eyes. His head tilts to the side, but he speaks while looking at you anyway. "I dunno, man. Something about that girl…she was different." Chan coughs awkwardly next to you, and you welcome the distraction as you tear your angry eyes away from Joshua's mischievous ones. You pat Chan's back, offering him a sip of your water bottle when Joshua returns to his conversation with Haerim (and apparently, Myungjun.) "Anyway…yeah. I'm alright for now." You spend the rest of the class with your face hidden behind your hair, studying the stupid Quizlet link Joshua had sent out last night. Professor Lee would finally be in this Friday, and she was expecting all A's across the board that day. You watch the clock on your phone, willing time to go faster with your mind.

The moment the clock strikes noon, you're out of your seat – only to hear Joshua call after you.

"Chan, Y/N, if the two of you could hang back for just a second." He says, as the students shuffle out. You glance at Chan, who has an unsettled look on his face. The two of you take the steps down quietly, waiting for everyone to file out when Joshua holds up the pink Instax camera. "You guys weren't here for class photos, so I just wanted to get those out of the way. Professor Lee uses them to remember names." Chan engages quickly, and you feel your phone buzz in your pocket.

Msg From: Jang Gyuri (K. Ent.)

[12:05PM] Miss Y/N, I am outside with your new vehicle. It seems I am on the West Campus.

Shit.

The panicked look on your face doesn't go unnoticed by Chan, even as he's blinking away the effects of the camera flash. "Are you okay?" "Gyuri is here, and she has my keys." You respond, clicking away on your phone when Chan covers the screen, wiggling his eyebrows at you. "I'll get them for you! Please, please, please—" "You're only asking because you think she's pretty." You roll your eyes, and Chan flashes you a mischievous smile. "Correction, I think she's beautiful. C'mon, I literally do everything for you!" "Fine, fine. Only because you make me feel guilty." Chan beams at you as he hitches his bag over his shoulder, the both of you completely forgetting this meant you'd be alone with Joshua. He calls over his shoulder that he'll wait for you in your new car, making you snort.

"You can stand right here." Joshua points at the small piece of tape on the floor. You grimace, sliding your bag onto Professor Lee's desk and fixing your shirt. "Your necklace is twisted," He speaks again, and you feel around for it.

"Here…can I?" He sets the camera down, and you give him a rather sour look before agreeing. "Fine." "No need to act like this, Y/N." His breath is minty, and it's softly hitting your skin as he works the clasp to the back of your neck. Your grandmother gave you this necklace. He knows, you told him about it tipsy off a mango margarita.

"She got me this on my tenth birthday. I have never taken it off.""She believed in you.""What a shame, right?"

His fingers linger on the glittering pendant, before centering it on your blouse. "Ready?" "What did you mean by different?" You blurt, and his eyes widen as he reaches for the camera. "What?" "You said I…nevermind. Just take the picture, I have somewhere to be." You force a smile, and Joshua gives you a questioning look. He positions the camera, but sighs. "Too forced. Just relax, Y/N."

Huffing, you soften your face, letting your cheeks reach your eyes as you smile gently. "Much better." He whispers, taking the photo quickly. You blink a few times, before reaching for your bag. "And Y/N?" "What!?" You gripe, and he smiles. "Not everything is about you, pretty." Rolling your eyes at the slight lurch in your stomach. Pulling your bag over your shoulder, you stop as he huffs. "Wait, it came out wrong. Can you stand here again?"

He flicks the faulty picture onto the desk, and you quickly position yourself in front of him again. You clear your throat, smiling again as you move your hair to your face – when you see him smiling tenderly behind the camera. "Why are you looking at me like that?" "Hm?" He snaps the photo, taking it as it prints and covering it with his hand from the light. "Nothing, you look a lot nicer when you smile." You don't reply, waiting silently to see if the photo develops nicely. He doesn't speak either, before flipping the photo. You're smiling back at him, and he holds it up. "Satisfied?"

"Yeah, whatever." You shrug, and he nods. He hands you your bag, and gives you a warm look. "Have a good day, Y/N." You hesitate, but take your bag. "You too."

– ☆ –

"Hey, Shua."

He looks up to see Saerom standing in the doorway of his bedroom, her arms crossed as she drags the tip of her shoe against the hardwood.

"Hey! What are you doing here? And if you say you're here to see any of these perverts, I'm going to escort you out myself." She just laughs, shaking her head as she enters his bedroom. It's a bit larger than the others, and she flops onto his bed. "Why did you tell me you slept with Y/N?" Joshua chokes on his spit, coughing harshly in his desk chair. Saerom looks slightly amused as he regains his composure. "Just right out with it, huh?" "Well, she's my best friend. I don't know how I didn't know you were in Mexico, too. I literally watch your Instagram stories." Saerom pouts, and Joshua laughs. "Maybe because I like to live in the moment? I don't document every part of my life, Rom." "I mean, yeah, but still. And how did you guys even have time to meet? I was with her all the time." Saerom wails, making Joshua just shake his head. "She did mention she was on vacation with her best friend. She never mentioned your name, and we also hung out mostly at night. I'm assuming if you guys didn't share a room, you wouldn't have been able to notice, anyway." "We never share a room when we go on vacation together. We like our privacy." She rolls her eyes, and Joshua smiles knowingly. "I know, I was there with Cheol and Han, and I practically begged the front desk to get me one of the beach villas. I did not want to share a room with them, or whatever girl they managed to tag team."

"As your cousin, this is a weird conversation to have. As Y/N's friend, I feel awkward. We fought a bit, and I can't really talk to her knowing that you guys…did it."

"You're so…Okay." He snorts at her theatrics, before opening his laptop. He sees the photo he took of you in the corner of it, your smiling face peeking out at him. He shuts it quickly, having forgotten he took it with him. The photo developed after you left, so it's not like he lied.

"Anyway, she's such a cold person normally. It's hard to get in there." Saerom sighs, and he feels a pang in his chest. You'd opened up very quickly with him, but Saerom didn't know that – nor did she need to. "I guess it works, though, she can be personable when she wants to. Can't believe she wants to own that big ass company her father has. I'd cry myself to sleep if I had that much pressure on my shoulders." You're living such a double life and your best friend doesn't even know it. How can you hide those things from her? Do you fear being judged, or being seen as less than? Someone who can't handle the pressure of being the golden child, someone who can't hold a candle to her parents? Someone who disappoints.

"Yeah, me too."

Saerom keeps talking about you, but he can barely hear her. His phone is open in his lap, and he's staring at the message thread with your burner number.

Msg To: Y/N (PV)

[06/29] hey, this is joshua. [06/29] you left your number at my table.

Msg From: Y/N (PV)

[06/29] hi handsome ;) [06/29] are you free tonight?

He had been free.

He remembers the stupid white dress you wore when you met him at the salsa club. He remembers the confidence radiating off you when you asked the bartender for your drink. You made it evident you didn't need him, that you weren't looking for anything serious – but you slowly dropped the act. You let him in just a bit, you danced with him and you let him walk you down the beach to your hotel room.

You were the one who asked to sit on one of the hammocks on the beach. You were the one who asked him about himself, wondering what his own life was like. You encouraged him to dig deep and tell you his darkest secrets, assuring him you'd share your own as well.

Your life was much more intense than his. He was studying music, he was living it, breathing it, enjoying it. He wanted that, more than anything, and nothing was going to get in his way. But you…you wanted so much more than what you were told you could have.

You wanted to be more than your parents. You wanted to explore, you wanted to live. He remembers how sweet you were when he told you his dreams. how gentle you were when you voiced your opinion on them. He appreciated your honesty and your kindness, and he enjoyed your presence. You…were more than just the intimacy. More than just the makeout sessions you initiated, including that night in the hammock. More than the way you made him chase you just enough. About as much as one can for a vacation fling, anyway.

"...And she makes the best bolognese, Shua. You'd love it." Saerom sighs, making him nod quickly. "I'm sure." "Anyway, I gotta go. I was supposed to pick up dinner, so I can extend the olive branch." She chuckles, getting off the bed. "I'll see you around, Shua." "Bye, Rom. Be safe, let me know when you get home." "Will do." Saerom exits his room, closing the door behind her. He opens his laptop, fishing the photo of you out of the corner and shoving it into his wallet. He should feel weird about keeping it, but that means a perfectly good photo is going to waste! It'll be safe in his wallet.

Unlocking his laptop, he sighs as he sees his email pinging him.

From: [email protected]

Subject: Office Hours

Sent: 10:32PM

Hello. I hope this email finds you well.

I am not able to attend Friday's office hours. I will also not be able to attend office hours next week, as I have prior commitments I must tend to. I know it is rather unorthodox, but would you be available tomorrow? I do not have classes after 1PM and I frankly don't need a language class to tarnish my perfect record.

Let me know if this works for you. Thanks.

Best,

Kang Y/N

010-1230-1995

Thursday, September 8th.

From: [email protected]

RE:Subject: Office Hours

Sent: 11:21PM

Thank you for reaching out. I understand prior commitments can make attending office hours difficult.

I am not able to promise availability for Thursday. Jennie Kim has the office, she is the TA for Professor Lee Chaerin in French II. This being said, I can accommodate in two ways.

I can give you an assignment to be turned in on Friday. You will have to come by the classroom to retrieve it. Or, you can get a study room in the library and I can offer two hours of my time for your use. Please email me back before 10AM if the latter is your choice.

Best,

Joshua Hong

010-9999-8212

Bad idea, Y/N.

Very, very bad idea.

You should have gone to pick up the stupid assignment. You should have picked up the stupid, fat packet he was going to torture you with to make you regret being a douche to him despite basically making the guy fall in love with you over the summer.

Instead, you suffer here. You suffer inside these four walls, with a freshly showered Joshua Hong standing in the doorway, his friends bidding him goodbye. Jeonghan and Seungcheol peer in, their eyes twinkling with something devious – making Joshua roll his eyes as he shut the door with his foot.

"Sorry about that, they're nosey." He's holding a basketball under his arm, backpack hiked over his shoulder as he walks around the room to settle at the table.You haven't spoken yet, just eyeing him down. "Your hair is wet." "Damp, not wet." He corrects you, opening his bag for his sweatshirt. "It's freezing in here, Jesus Christ." "Maybe wear a proper shirt next time." You roll your eyes, opening your laptop to see the digitals you had developed from your vacation. Saerom took a lot of them – you drinking out of a fresh coconut, you wearing a pretty pink dress to the beach, you in a new swimsuit you bought specifically for the trip. There were photos of the two of you together – one a little girl took of you having a picnic on the beach, another of the two of you getting matching tattoos on your ankles.

And one you took of Joshua.

You were sitting on him, right after the two of you woke up in your hotel room. The photo was taken from an odd over-head angle, but his smile was wide and so natural. You were making him laugh, you remember.

"Come on, just one picture!"

"You literally just pinched my leg to wake me up, give me a second!""God forbid a girl wants to wake you up. Come on, I leave in two days!"

You'd lied, you left that night. You dumped your burner in the airport trashcan, not bothering to read the few texts he'd sent you only moments earlier to your arrival there. They were gone forever – and you hadn't felt guilty then, not really. You knew you'd miss him a bit, you knew yourself that much.

You wouldn't have missed him at all if you knew that you'd see him again…for sixteen consecutive weeks. And possibly for the rest of your time on this campus. And possibly, the rest of your life, since you were best friends with Saerom.

The pictures haunt you a bit, you notice.

You're staring at them in silence, feeling a bit of anxiety crawl up your throat when you hear Joshua clear his own. "I brought a few assignments, in case you don't want to do…this." He gestures to the room, and you just shake your head.

"Paying for the class, I might as well try and get along with you." You mutter, clicking your tongue when the photo of Joshua comes back into circulation. "I'm going to the vending machine, do you want anything?" You abruptly get up, grabbing your wallet out of your bag and stalking to the door. He looks up at you, a soft look in his eyes as he shakes his head. "I'm okay." Nodding, you retreat to the vending machine down the hall. You're staring at the ground as you walk, fully expecting to have an uneventful trip not even ten feet away.

However, it seems that even that can't go right for you.

"Hey. You're Y/N, right?" Your head snaps up, seeing Seungcheol and Jeonghan at the vending machine. Your eye twitches a bit, and you clear your throat before nodding. "And you are?" Jeonghan gives you a knowing look, but entertains you. "I'm Jeonghan. This is Seungcheol." With pursed lips, you nod. "Uh, nice to meet you. You guys are in…Beta Tau, right? My friend is rushing it." You stand awkwardly, and Jeonghan gives you a slight smirk. "Yeah? Good luck to your friend, Y/N.' "Yah, don't be like that. Did you want the vending machine? We're still deciding." Seungcheol tugs Jeonghan back a bit, and you quickly feed in your change, pressing the buttons to get what you want. In your frenzy, you get two bottles of jasmine tea.

"Say, Y/N. How was your summer?" Jeonghan asks gently, and you feel your shoulders tense before you glance over with a scowl. "Is it really on your mind that much? I fucked your friend, so what?" "Wow, no need to get so feisty! Kitty has claws." He smiles, elbowing Seungcheol, who just pinches the bridge of his nose. "Whatever, man. God forbid a girl has fun on her summer vacation." You turn on your heel, walking back down the corridor and hearing Seungcheol scold Jeonghan behind you. You nearly rip the handle off the door of the study room, seeing Joshua standing in front of the whiteboard with a textbook draped open in his hand. He looks back to see your furrowed brows, and the two teas in your hand.

"Are you alright?" "Did you have to tell all your friends that we slept together? Because I didn't tell anyone. I didn't even tell my best friend, you told her. I'd appreciate if you would stop ruining my fucking reputation." You slam the bottles on the table, and Joshua gives you a surprised look. "What the hell are you talking about, Y/N?" "You know exactly what I'm talking about, Joshua. Your stupid friend just cornered me at the vending machine, asking me all these stupid questions like he knows something about me. Newsflash! He doesn't, and neither do you!" You sit with a huff, and Joshua's ears are slightly red as he tongues his cheek. He glances down at the textbook in his hand, closing it and sliding it onto the table. You don't bother looking up at him, hearing the jingling of the door before he speaks. "Excuse me."

The door shuts behind him, and you look up to see that he didn't take any of his things. Meaning that he'd be back, after doing God knows what, and you'd have to deal with it. Sighing to yourself, you rub your temples, wondering how things got like this.

The semester just started. You didn't have time for this.

Silently, you begin to pack up your things. Your laptop goes in the designated slot, your extra tea gets packed snugly into the front pocket. You click your tongue, about to get up when the door opens and Joshua emerges with Jeonghan in tow, looking like a kicked puppy.

Your brows nearly reach your hairline as Jeonghan shuffles forward. Joshua gives him a hard look. "Apologize."

Sucking his teeth, Jeonghan gives you a once over before speaking quietly. "I'm sorry that my assumptions and behavior made you uncomfortable, and it won't happen again." The hand gripping your backpack loosens a bit, and Seungcheol pops up from behind Joshua with a sheepish look on his face. "I'm also sorry, Y/N. I know this is an odd situation for the two of you, and our instigation doesn't make it any better." Your jaw is a bit slack, and Jeonghan looks at Joshua. "Can I go now?" "Did you hear her accept your apology?" He asks, and Jeonghan sighs. "I guess not." Blinking, you just give Jeonghan a thumbs up. "You're…you're good, yeah. Uh, don't worry about it. You either, Seungcheol." You look over Joshua's shoulder to the older man, who smiles in response.

"We'll get going, then. We've got a party to plan." Seungcheol says warmly, and Jeonghan turns on his heel to exit the room. "I don't want to hear this shit from you guys again." Joshua mutters, all but slamming the door after them.

"You didn't have to do that." You mumble, and he looks at you with a scoff.

"Yes, I did. Whether we slept together or not is none of their business, and the only reason they know is because they were there. I don't need that being spread around campus or them being douchebags to you." He grabs the textbook again, uncapping the dry-erase marker before glancing at you. "Sit down, you've got me for two hours." You don't like the slight flutter in your stomach, or that your body involuntarily does as he says. You silently unpack your bag again, and he finishes writing example problems on the whiteboard. Feeling your stomach a bit uneasy, you uncap the tea to take a sip.

"Conjugation is very important. When I was grading your quiz, I noticed that was your biggest problem. I don't know how you got a B, really, when most of that quiz was conjugations, but I digress. Can you do these for me?" He holds out the marker, an expectant look in his eyes.

"Sure."

Friday, September 16th.

It'd been a little more than a week since you met with Joshua in the library.

And since the two of you officially acknowledged that you'd slept together. What you didn't know was, while he was having his own feelings about the history that weighed the two of you down, he wasn't going to force you to return his affections. In fact…he even felt a bit silly, liking you so much off of three weeks of getting the full experience of…well, you.

Better yet, he wasn't even going to tell you there are any residual feelings on his end. If he knew anything, it was you and your type. If he came off too strong – flowers, a date, chocolates and the like, he'd scare you off even more. You were skittish, like a deer, and he had to either slowly gain your trust…

Or irritate the living hell out of you every chance he got.

Subtle flirting, double entendres, maybe the occasional lingering look. He knew that if he wanted a chance, and man did he want it – he was going to have to work for it. No problem, though. You were definitely worth the wait.

"So, as you can see, the proper conjugation is hablar, not hablando." His laser pointer is steady at the bottom of the projector screen, and he looks up to see half of the class staring intently and the other half jotting down notes. You were neither of the two – your head was resting on Chan's shoulder, eyes low. He cleared his throat, your head jumping up and a wince crossing your features.

Joshua knew Chan was really no threat. The fraternity really liked him, and he was set to move in this weekend. According to Chan's Instagram story, you'd been at his dorm the night before helping him pack up. Saerom had also been there, and Soonyoung – another Beta Tau member. You had been holding a can of Red Bull and in one of the following videos, you were shotgunning another.

"Any questions?" He calls out, and Haerim shoots her hand up. "Yes, Haerim?" "Since this is a conversational class, how would we ask someone out? Or, for their number?"

The classroom fills with childish snickering, and Joshua just smiles as he shakes his head. "Well, I-" "I don't think this is an appropriate question, to be honest." Your voice is heard from the back of the classroom, and Haerim turns in her chair, a wicked smile crossing her lips as Joshua rounds the desk, perched on the edge of it. "And why not, Y/N?" She asks, and Joshua can see you shift uncomfortably in your chair.

"This is Beginner Spanish Conversation, not Coffee Meets Bagel. Flirt on your own time, at your own pace." You scoff, and Haerim's smile only grows wider. It's like she knows something about you, and Joshua notices you begin to bristle slightly. "Why are you so uptight about it, Y/N? It's just a question." "I'm paying for this class, as is everyone else. I think I'd like to appreciate my money's worth by learning something I'll actually use." "Alright, ladies. Honestly, Miss Y/N is partially correct. This is not Café y Rosquilla, but I do think that this is…a learning moment. Asking someone out does involve conversation, you know." Joshua attempts to diffuse, but he can see your subtle annoyance at his siding with Haerim. "So, for example, if I wanted to ask out…" He looks around the room, before a flash of diablerie crosses his eyes. "If I wanted to ask out Miss Y/N, I'd have to make conversation. I'd say…eres muy bonita." "Yeah?! What else?!" You hear Myungjun shout from the far left side of the room, and you can feel Chan's knee bumping yours. You scowl at him, earning a smile as he hides in his hoodie. "I'd say…" Joshua scans your face, and he knows you're probably embarrassed. Embarrassed, but enjoying his subtle attention. He pushes off the desk, pacing in front of the students. "Hm, I'd probably say I like her dress, or me gusta tu vestido."

He watches you cross your legs, tucking the extra fabric of your black dress under your thighs. "Okay, but how do you ask her out!?" Haerim interrupts excitedly, and Joshua is on the first step of the stairs before he catches your eyes again.

"You don't just ask someone out flat out like that. You build repertoire, you make conversation." He rolls his eyes playfully, and you think you're about to get off without any further embarrassment when you hear Chan speak up next to you. "How much repertoire can you even build at this point? Psychology says it only takes two minutes to decide if you like someone." Joshua sees you gape at Chan, before pinching his bicep. Chan pouts in your direction, rubbing his arm as Joshua holds back a laugh. "Psychology also says that there are five components to figuring out if we will have a crush on someone. Physical attraction, proximity, similarity, reciprocity and familiarity. Miss Y/N is very pretty, so physical attraction is checked off. Proximity is also checked, as we see each other three times a week for this class." "What about similarity?" Myungjun pipes up again, making you sink lower in your seat. Joshua is enjoying making you squirm a bit, and he steps up a few more. "Hm, I think that's something I'd have to figure out. Tell me, Miss Y/N, do you enjoy…long walks on the beach?" Your eyes are full of fire, and you'd be almost scary if he didn't notice the way your lip wanted to twitch into a smile. Haerim shouts for you to answer the question, making you send her a scornful look – and she just sticks her tongue out at you like a child. "I do…enjoy long walks on the beach."

"What a coincidence, so do I! Now, we have a similarity. Miss Y/N is familiar, because again, I do see her quite often. Now, it's about reciprocation. This is when you ask the question, this is when you try and make a move." "Shua, how do we make the move!?" Chan asks, and you kick his shin, about to tell him to shut up when Joshua finally reaches your row. He's looking you dead in the eyes, his hand gently wrapping around the edge of your desk. He leans forward, and you can hear the stupid woo-ing of your classmates. "Señorita Y/N, ¿le gustaría salir conmigo?"

Somehow, this all feels like some stupid romcom for the both of you. The class is egging you both on, and Chan is next to you with the most idiotic smile you'd ever seen. You huff, the class is now chanting for you to agree to said…"fake" date.

"No." You say quietly, and Joshua feigns pain. He holds his hand to his heart, a pained expression on his face. "You wound me, Miss Y/N."

He turns to the class, all of which are giving you the dirtiest look ever. "Now, now. This was just an example, don't look at her like that." He scolds, and the class turns back to face the front as he barrels down the steps, checking his watch.

"Shit, it's already ten past noon. You guys are free to go, and if any of you are taking Psych with Professor Seo Jungkwon, tell him I fulfilled his lecture for the day." This earns a laugh from the class, except you. You're angrily stuffing your laptop into your bag, the class eagerly exiting the room. Chan is holding your arm, apologizing most likely, but you don't seem like you want to hear any of it. By this point, Chan looks a bit like a kicked puppy as he quickly takes the steps down, with you following slowly behind him.

Chan is out the door by the time you make it to the last step, and the classroom is empty.

You arms are crossed as you approach the desk, where Joshua is quietly shutting down the projector. His eyes don't meet yours as he disconnects the machine from the wall, winding the cord up to tie together. "Y/N." He calls gently, and you huff angrily. He bites back a smile.

"Why do you insist on embarrassing me? The first week, it was you running your mouth to my best friend. Last week, you practically held Jeonghan at gunpoint to apologize to me. Today, it's putting me on blast in front of an entire classroom with people I will continue to see for the rest of the year."

"Oh? Was it embarrassing?" He's nonchalant as he looks up, tucking the wrapped cables behind the projector. Your eyes are narrowed, and it seems you've caught onto his little game. "Do you get off on this or something? Knowing you fucked one of your students?" "Hm, not necessarily. And none of what was done was done to embarrass you, per say. It's just decent honesty, and we both know you deserved an apology for Jeonghan's behavior." He states matter-of-factly, making you purse your lips. "What about your behavior? You asked me out in front of all these people!" You gesture to the empty room, and Joshua gives you a small smile. "And you rejected me in front of all of those people. The way I see it, it's a teaching moment."

He's on the same side of the desk as you now, resting against it as you complain. HIs smile seems to be getting under your skin, because you grab his shirt by the collar, pulling his face close to yours before you speak through gritted teeth. "Use someone else as your stupid guinea pig. I don't want to be with you, Hong." You're holding him so close, your lips just barely brushing his. He can't help but scan your face quickly, his hand reaching to brush a stray curl off your face. Your eyes follow his fingers, feeling them tuck the hair behind your ear before he swallows carefully. You can feel your stomach flip slightly as his hand drops, ghosting over your hip as he pushes off the desk, making you slightly stumble back. His fingers grab you gently, pulling you flush to him before his nose is touching yours. "Tell me you don't want me," He whispers, his breath hitting your lips making your lashes flutter closed as you press your lips to his. A whimper escapes his throat as he kisses you back, his grip tightening as your hand lets go of his shirt, your palm resting against his stomach as your other hand holds his waist. The kiss is slow but desperate, your tongue licking into his mouth in the way that drove him crazy over the summer.

He can't help himself, his hand moving to tangle in your hair, moving his lips down your jaw and exposed neck. A sharp inhale from you as he reaches one of the many sweet spots he'd discovered, a soft whine sounding in his ears making him feel dizzy as he nips at your skin. Pulling back, he holds your face close to his as he speaks again. "Tell me you don't want me, and we can stop this right now. I'll be nothing but professional for the rest of the semester."

He can tell that wasn't what you were expecting. Your eyes are wide and full of mixed emotions, but overall, they flash with a bit of fear. "I…" Your hands move to rest on his hips, a frown on your lips as you let go, and he does the same. His arms cross with an expectant look on his face, and you grimace.

"Stop embarrassing me in front of people, and if you don't have a good reason to talk to me or be near me, don't engage at all."

He gives you a nod, his smile reappearing as he reaches to wipe your lip gloss from his lips. "That being said, I'm guessing you will not be attending office hours tonight?" Huffing, you look away. "No. I have to help Chan move into the frat house with you and your hooligan friends."

"So I'll see you tonight anyway." He speaks with a grin, and you tongue your cheek. "Leave me alone, Joshua."

You spin on your heel, but his arm is on your elbow before you can walk away. He pulls you back, pulling you into a hug, pressing his lips to your hairline as you hesitantly wrap your arms around him. He speaks against your hair, "One more. For the road."

"Joshua." You groan, trying to hide the giddy feeling spreading in your stomach. He smiles at you, planting a kiss to the tip of your nose. "Just one, and I'll let you slam out of here like we were arguing."

You roll your eyes, but let him slot his lips with yours, the minty taste of him still lingering from the previous kiss. This one is much gentler, the warmth of his body against yours comforting as he pulls away with a chaste kiss. And another. And another.

"You said one." You grumble, swatting at his side to make him let you go. He smiles, his thumb coming to wipe at your lips. Your lipgloss is gone entirely, just glitter remaining. "Mmh. I'll see you later." "Whatever." You pull away from him, and he watches as you slam your way out of the classroom, a few students from your class still lingering in the hallway catching his eye. They look questioning, but he just shrugs as the door closes. He sighs as he looks around the empty lecture hall, a glimmer on the third step up calling his eyes.

Making his way towards the steps, he sees the gold plating of a seven-pointed star, a message engraved in the back.

For my brightest star, Y/N.

Picking it up, the diamonds mock him.

He feels slightly stupid to think this is fate, while knowing that once you realize it's gone, you'll be panicking. It seems nothing is really going right for you these days – your car being hit, fighting with Saerom, not being able to stand your ground against him…and now your necklace is 'gone'. He wants to be selfish and say it's because you're being a bit of a jerk to him.

So he'll believe that.

– ☆ –

"Chan! It's not here!"

Your hands feel disgustingly dry, having practically ripped apart every cardboard box you helped him pack. You'd managed to haul everything from his dorm to the fraternity house a few blocks down, having begged Saerom and Soonyoung to help you steal a flatbed from the construction majors. The three of you were helping Chan unpack a box of his underwear when you swiped your hair back from your neck, not feeling the chain of your necklace on your skin.

The four of you had stopped unpacking the moment you started panickedly patting yourself all over, and even standing up to shake off your shirt and hair. Now surrounded by a few of Chan's blankets, you were doing all but ripping up the carpet in the bedroom to find your cherished gift.

"It's not in the hallway! Going downstairs!" You hear Saerom call, and Chan is emerging from the bathroom with his flashlight on. "I swear you had it on when we fought earlier."

"Fuck, what if it fell off there?" You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to remember if you felt anything off after leaving the room. People stared at you as you barreled out of the language hall, you kissed Joshua…

You kissed Joshua.

"I'm pretty sure I had it on when I left! Remember, I even changed clothes when I got home so I wouldn't dirty my dress helping you move. I swear I felt it!"

At this point, you're shaking your hair out once more and Chan is throwing ripped cardboard into the hallway, hitting a passing Joshua. "Ouch!"

"Shit, sorry!" Chan winces, and Joshua scours the room, before his eyes land on you. Your hand is gently patting at your chest, where your necklace would usually sit as you shake out your sweater. He gives Chan a look, making him look back at you. Joshua glances at the cardboard boxes on the floor, and Chan gets the hint.

He clears his throat, garnering your anxious attention, "I'm going to take these down to recycling, and I'll check outside, okay? Just keep looking in here, it's gotta be somewhere."

Your eyes are slightly wild, and you just nod as you begin to shake Chan's blankets. A pair of underwear falls out, making you huff as Chan exits his room. Joshua leans on the doorframe, watching as you move around calculatedly. "What's got you so frantic?" You look over your shoulder, now squatted over a pile of shirts. "Why is it any of your business?"

He sucks his teeth, hands resting in his hoodie pocket. "Maybe I can help you? Ever think that I'm not out to get you like some sort of Boogeyman?" Your shoulders sag in defeat, and you just beckon him into the room. "Shut the door." You mutter, and he does just that before squatting in front of you, his ringed fingers splayed across the shirts in your hands.

"Shake these off."

"For?" He asks, but takes the first one and does as you ask. You feel a tear threaten to escape, but blink rapidly as he takes the next shirt. "Just do it." He does, but by the fifth shirt, he looks up at you. "You know…if you tell me what you're looking for, I may be able to help further." He says it like he knows something, and you just roll your eyes as you move onto the stack of Chan's sweatpants. "I lost my necklace, okay? I can't find it."

Stopping his movements, he smiles at you. "Hm, any idea where?" "No." You sigh, shaking off another pair of pants. A dollar bill floats out of the pocket, but neither of you bother to touch it as it floats down to the carpet. "I think you're wasting your time looking in here, actually." You look at Joshua, who is now moving to stand up. Scanning his face, your eyes narrow. "Where is it?" Stretching, he extends a hand to help you up. You scowl, getting up on your own as he shrugs. "Come on." He walks towards the door, flinging it open as two of the members run past with a basket full of eggs. "You better not be throwing those in here!" He barks, and their giggles only get louder as they barrel down the stairs.

He leads you to his bedroom, leaving the door ajar for you to close as you enter.

Your eyes scan the bedroom – it's very…serene. It's bigger than Chan's, and the bed is right under the window. There is sheet music pinned up to a corkboard above his desk, a few guitars propped up against the wall. His walls are covered in photos of him and his friends, and you spot one of him and Saerom as kids pinned higher on the wall than the rest. There is a small bookshelf, with a Bible and a few candles on top of it.

You're standing at the foot of this bed when you feel his hands on your neck, making you jump slightly. "Relax." He murmurs, the cool metal of your necklace making you shiver slightly.

"I found it on the steps in the classroom. Your clasp broke, so I took it to my friend in town. She's a jeweler, and she fixed it. I have the original clasp, in case you wanted to keep it." He holds up a plastic baggie, no bigger than the palm of his hand. You turn to look at him, your hand ghosting around for the star that hands in the middle of your chest.

"I should have texted, or emailed, at the very least. I just figured, I'd see you anyway—" "Thank you." You interrupt, your arms instinctively enveloping him into an embrace. You squeeze slightly, his own hands hovering over your back before touching you gently. "You're welcome." Without moving away, you speak into his sweater. "I'm sorry I've been such a douche to you lately."

He laughs a bit, his chest moving against your cheek. "Yeah…you have been. I'll send your parents an invoice for emotional damage." His fingers are rubbing circles in your back, and you hate that he knows you joke about your parents' emotional unavailability. Biting back a laugh, you push off him. Your hands linger at his sides, and he tilts his head.

"I meant what I said, you know." He states, and you glance up at him with a quizzical look on your face. "What?"

"That if you don't want to do…whatever this is, I'll leave you alone. I'll be professional for the rest of the semester." He gestures between the two of you. You don't look as taken aback as you did in the classroom, but a scoff does escape your lips as your arms fold across your chest.

"Okay? What does that have to do with now?" He steps a bit closer, making the back of your knees hit his bed. You sit out of instinct, watching as he runs his hand through his hair. He's so handsome.

"It has everything to do with you, and your general existence. Your best friend is my cousin. You're friends with Soonyoung, Jun and Chan, and they're all members of my fraternity. You're a student in a class I assist, we're going to be around each other no matter our feelings about each other." He's not really giving you an out of this conversation.

"I know you don't like that I told Saerom about what happened between us during the summer, and I want to apologize for telling her in the first place. It just slipped out, and I am sorry." He speaks sincerely, and you blink up at him before scooting slightly back on his bed, crossing your legs. He takes this as a sign to continue.

"I also want to say that what happened between us doesn't have to mean anything to you, at all." He shifts uncomfortably, making your eyes narrow. "I know it was just a fling, and I'm probably just confused about my feelings."

You hate the way tears prick at your eyes, before he spins his desk chair out, sitting down and leaning forward.

"I wanted to ask if you want to be transferred out. I have the transfer form ready, there is a spot in Professor Yoon Mirae's class. She said she'd gladly take you if that was the case." Your head snaps up at this, his eyes boring a hole into the pictures on the wall. "You…want to transfer me out?"

He stares at his fingers, toying with one of his rings as he replies. "I think it would be best for you. It only meets twice a week, and you'd probably get along better with Somin." He looks up at you, and you don't know what expression is on your face for him to immediately soften. "You don't want to?" "I think you…" You swallow thickly, scooting towards the edge of his bed, moving to stand up. "I think we need to forget that anything even happened between us." You whisper, and you can see hurt lace his eyes before he clears his throat, looking away from you as he nods. "Right." "I don't want to hurt you, Joshua." You fake confidence, noting the way he blinks rapidly, before standing up. "You're not hurting me, Y/N. We fucked over the summer. It's not like we dated."

You wince at his use of words. "Yeah, but–" HIs hand pushes the baggie with your clasp in it into your hand, "Don't worry about it, Y/N. I'll see you in class on Monday." Your fingers instinctively close around his, moving to squeeze his hand before he pulls it away. You stare up at him, feeling your face slightly burn in humiliation. You know that he's sensitive, and that the kiss earlier today probably meant a lot to him. Why is he acting like this? Like you didn't open up to him and tell him everything you couldn't even tell your best friend, like you didn't sleep with him for three weeks straight before leaving Puerto Vallarta.

You remember Chan's words…something something forming a crush in two minutes.

What can happen in three weeks?

"Was that all it was for you?" You ask gently, watching as he turns away from you. "I really don't want to have this conversation right now." He mumbles, pinching the bridge of his nose and walking towards the door. He tugs his hoodie off, the white muscle tank showing off his broad shoulders. Shoulders you dug your nails into that summer, and you can see the remaining faint lines from you trailing down his back.

"Was it just sex?" You ask again, and he sighs. "No. It wasn't."

He hangs the hoodie up on the hook behind the door, and you take a step to him. "Then why are you acting like this?" He turns to look at you, eyes wide with incredulity. "Me?! Why are you acting like this? For almost a month you couldn't keep your hands off me, you couldn't stop talking about hating your life here, and suddenly, through whatever force of the universe, we're both stuck in this life that you dread. Excuse me if my best effort isn't enough for you." Eyes narrowed, you can feel your stomach bubble with a bit of anger. "There's no way you're the same guy I fucked for three weeks, Joshua. We were on vacation in a foreign country. I was telling you everything about me because I wasn't worried about ever seeing you again." "No, you did that because you're a liar." He mutters, making you suddenly feel a lot smaller than usual. "I am the exact same person I was then, Y/N! I'm not like you, I can't just flip-flop between two personalities. I can't lie to everyone that I care about just because I'm too afraid to stand up to my parents. You're doing yourself a disservice."

He's breathing heavily, and you can feel the tears threatening to spill from your eyes. Your pride is stronger, though, and you let out a humorless laugh. "I'll see you on Monday."

You shove past him, throwing his door open and slipping out before you slam it with all your might. You see Jeonghan carrying a basket with Chan's name on it down the hall, his eyes wide as you storm past him.

"Are you o-" "Fuck off." You spit, not bothering to swing back into Chan's room for your stuff. Saerom could bring it home, or leave it there, you don't really care. All you really know is that this place has got to be the most suffocating you've ever felt.

Wednesday, October 12th.

It'd been almost a month since you'd last spoken to Joshua.

You weren't in class the following Monday, having instead driven out to one of your mother's properties. You stayed the weekend there, and only drove back in the middle of the night on Tuesday. Professor Lee emailed you, and so did Joshua – though his was very much a copy-paste email. You didn't seek him out, you didn't speak to him. He didn't even attempt to make eye contact, almost always being the first to exit the classroom. You didn't even really talk to Chan or Saerom since you'd helped him move into the frat house, and you could tell they were growing worried about you.

Especially Saerom, as she heard Wherever You Will Go by The Calling play through your speakers almost everyday since. You played this song the first time the two of you went on vacation together, you were nineteen and your grandmother had just passed away that past November.

You didn't have time to worry about their feelings, though, as you parked your car in the lot, Chan silently unbuckled his seatbelt. It was nine-forty-six in the morning, and the two of you sighed simultaneously. "Want to take the long way? We've got fifteen minutes." You check your watch, and Chan gives you a slight nod. "Sure." The long way was walking around the language building into the technology hall – and Chan decided now would be a good time to update you on how Jeonghan and Seungcheol had an ongoing prank war with Mingyu and Wonwoo. It apparently wasn't going to end this weekend, and the reason? Beta Tau Omega was notorious for holding the best Halloween ragers. They held the largest one every year, with the other frats on campus stumbling to be pre-game parties and sororities simply giving up and going to the parties instead of hosting. The problem here was sourcing – Seungcheol, Jeonghan and Joshua planned the party every year, including the random Jell-O wrestling and drinking contests. The liquor was never-ending, and the clean-up after was a mess (and at the hands of the newest members.)

This year, Mingyu insisted that he and Wonwoo could plan an even better party than the trio – hence, facing the wrath of practical jokesters Seungcheol and Jeonghan. Joshua insisted he wasn't involved in this, and would help either duo with the planning if necessary.

"Are you even listening?" You hear Chan snap his fingers in your face, and you blink at him. "Yeah, sorry. Planning?" He begins to speak again, allowing you to loop your arm with his and rest your head on his shoulder when you look up – and see Joshua leaning against the wall, twirling a strand of Baek Hyejin's hair. She was the Organic Chemistry TA, you got your labs graded by her. She was always very sweet.

You can feel eyes on you as you and Chan walk in lockstep down the stairs, and you see Joshua staring at you as Hyejin speaks to him. Nodding along as if he's listening, as if he cares. You scoff inwardly, shaking your head as you force your eyes forward, ignoring the sinking feeling in your stomach.

It doesn't even matter. You don't like Joshua, and you wouldn't date him, either. You had too much to lose.

Seeing as you drove down to one of the properties, you met with your mother, as well. Your Saturday was spent in your mother's office, designing a new building with her to place on one of her newest properties down south. "You're going to manage this one first. The other tenants don't know you yet, and you'll have to ease into getting them to like you."Your father wasn't around the entire weekend. Your mother sighed repeatedly over dinner, before ultimately abandoning her plate at the table and whisking herself away with a bottle of Merlot. You didn't ask many questions, but you do remember walking by her study before going to the guest bedroom and hearing her on the phone, presumably with her sister.

"I wonder when she's going to get married. He can't be some random guy…do you still keep in touch with the Mins? Maybe Yoongi is willing this time." You hadn't even graduated yet, and she was already trying to pawn you off. Your father had stated strictly that he didn't want you to marry until you were firmly situated within the companies he owned, and your mother constantly bickered against it. No one ever asked you what you wanted.

Not that it mattered, anyway.

"...And so, Mingyu had to wash flour out of all his bedsheets. I think we'll have to get a new washing machine." Chan sighs as the two of you turn into the language hall, and you grimace. "You probably will, that shit sticks like glue." "Yum, gluten patterns." Chan laughs as you shiver, walking into the classroom. Somehow, Joshua is already there, making your grip on Chan's arm tighten a bit. He gives you a concerned look, but allows you to pull him slightly closer to you as you climb the steps to your regular seats in the corner.

"Good morning, everyone!" Joshua calls with a smile, and you hear the majority return the greeting as you and Chan situate yourselves. Crossing your legs, you face forward to see Joshua holding up a three-page packet. "There is a quiz!" A collective groan echoes the room, and Joshua gives a sorry grin. "I know, I know. However, it is an open-note quiz! Feel free to use your notes, and there is no time limit, even if you go over the noon end of the class. Take your time, and you can leave right after you're done." The class just fills with murmurs as everyone begins fishing through their bags for their notebooks, but you made no effort to do so as Joshua began walking around to distribute the papers. He hands two to Chan, who passes you yours and you notice the way Joshua's eyes linger to Chan's jacket on your shoulders before going back down the steps.

"I'll be grading these tests over the next two days, and I'll submit your grades by Thursday night. That way, we can review on Friday and you can attend office hours later that day if you're not satisfied with your grade or just feel like you need a little more help. Sounds good?" He asks, and earns a resounding yes from the class.

Time seems to be dragging on as you carefully read and re-read every question, hoping that your lack of notes won't fuck you over. You remember Chan giving you shit last week for only taking notes on your laptop – and you probably should have listened to him when he told you. Why? Because now you're without notes and you're possibly a little more than screwed, you've only been studying for your other classes.

Your 'how hard can it be?' mindset was now biting you in the ass.

You glanced up to the clock, seeing that there was fifteen minutes to noon – and three students remained aside from you and Chan. Clearing his throat, Chan inched his notes closer to the edge of his desk, making you kick his foot to move them back. He huffed, closing the notebook and standing. He tucks it into his backpack before hiking it over his shoulder, whispering that he'd meet you at the cafe as you'd planned last night. You nod, blowing him a joking kiss before hearing Joshua clear his throat.

The two of you look up, seeing the assistant with a raised brow, beckoning Chan towards the front. Chan gives you a small smile, before making his way to the front. You can hear them whispering at each other, and another two students stand up. You can feel a bit of nervousness sinking into your stomach as the last student stands as well, her bag on her shoulder as she drops her test on Joshua's desk. They chat for a bit, and you hate how you can hear his smile.

"B plus, way to go, Jiwoo. Keep this up, you'll get an A on the final!" He cheers, and she gives him a thumbs up before prancing out of the room. You feel small in the giant room, and Joshua sighs as he leans back in his chair. His laptop is out, and you assume he's going to start inputting grades.

Instead, you hear soft music flowing from the laptop as he starts moving around, grabbing the broom from the corner of the room. "Let me know if it bothers you, I'll turn it down." He speaks, and you just wave him off without looking at him.

You're staring at the stupid question for five minutes before huffing, not knowing why the difference between the subjunctive and the indicative mood even matters for this class. (Yes, you do. You're just being stubborn because you don't know the answer and it bothers you.) "Having trouble?" Joshua calls from the front, a smile on his face as he texts someone back on this phone. Probably Hyejin.

Probably planning a stupid date at a stupid restaurant where they'll order stupid dishes. Probably staring at each other like idiots and liking each other so much that nothing seems to satisfy their carnal needs–

You stop scribbling on your paper, blinking at your sudden train of thought. Why do you even care? Why does it even matter who he's texting, and what he's doing after this? Why? "Y/N?" He calls gently, and you look up to see a worried look on his face. "You okay? Thinking kind of hard, aren't you?" You huff, grabbing your bag by the strap and slightly crumpling your paper as you grab it. Your anger seems to radiate off you as you rush down the steps, nearing the desk with a sour look on your face. "So much for taking my time, huh?" He gives you a small frown, holding his hand out for your quiz. "I wasn't rushing you, just asking if you're alright. Your face was scrunched for twenty minutes." You know it was. You can still feel the tension between your brows as you rub it gently, a pout on your lips as you hand him the paper. "Yeah, well…your job isn't to stare at me. See ya."

"Hmm, but I like staring at you." He hums, uncapping his pen with his teeth as you make your way to the door. "Have a good day, Y/N." You hate the sing-song of his voice.

– ☆ –

The cafe had been super packed, so you and Chan decided to take your drinks to go. Unfortunately, Saerom was holding a study group at the apartment, so your only option was Chan's room at the frat house. You begrudgingly let him try to cheer you up as you sulked up the stairs to his room, holding your drink as Chan carries your bag for you.

"You know, one of the brothers thought we were dating? They asked me after I left Spanish earlier." He ponders aloud, and you snort. "Yeah, I can see why. I do get…pretty affectionate." You reply sarcastically, taking his hand in yours for extra emphasis.

He rolls his eyes as the two of you reach the top floor, and he fishes his keys out as you continue to tease him. "I'd never date you, you're a snotty-nosed brat. I bet you don't even know how to kiss." He sticks his tongue out at you, making you gape.

"I may be a snotty-nosed brat, but I'm a great kisser. Not that you would know, you've never felt the touch of a woman." You bite back, making him gasp. "I have too felt the touch of a woman! You literally took my-" He cuts himself off, looking over your shoulder down the hallway. You furrow your brows, looking over to see Joshua whispering sweet nothings in Hyejin's ear as he hugs her, and her giggles as she brushes her nose against his.

"I'll see you later?" He mumbles, eyes low as he nearly kisses her. She giggles again, before placing her manicured nail on his chest. "Bye, Joshie." "Bye." He smiles, letting her spin out of his arms, watching as she walks down the hall to the stairs. Only then does he notice that you and Chan are standing there, and his face flushes lightly. "Hey, guys. Sorry you had to see that." "Don't be." Chan nods awkwardly, his hand finding your hip to pull you into his bedroom. You grimace in Joshua's direction, before skirting into Chan's room. Chan lingers at the door, before sighing, and entering his room.

"Don't be upset, Y/N." He murmurs as you kick your shoes off, setting your drink down on his desk and shrugging off his jacket. "I'm not upset." You mutter, grabbing your bookbag and pulling out your laptop.

"I can tell you are." He sighs, slipping his shirt over his head, and opening his drawer to reach for a new one. "He's just our TA for a little longer, then we'll both pass the class and get the hell out of there." You look over your shoulder as he pulls a new shirt over his head, rolling your eyes. "It doesn't matter. He's gonna fuck who he wants to, so all I can do is the same." "Y/N, I am only a man." He gives you a warning look, and you snort. "Not you, you rabid dog." "Hey! I've gotten better! I even invented a stroke, I call it the helicopter." He moves his hips in a circular motion, making you shriek out a laugh. "You're a fucking freak."

"I'm just saying, I'm available. If not, I heard that Myungjun is still into you." He shrugs, taking a sip of his drink. You wrinkle your nose, taking a seat on his bed. "Hell no. He likes to talk about his hookups, I don't like blabbermouths." "Then you're fucked, Y/N." He smiles, taking a seat at his desk. "But, I have a proposition." "Chan, if it involves your dick anywhere near me, I'm going to kill you." "You liked it the first time!" He throws an eraser at you, and you snicker. "I didn't know any better then. Anyway, I see the way you look at Haerim. You're not slick." You wag your finger at him, and he flushes lightly.

"So my plan is, I let you act a fool in here and make it seem like we're fucking, and you have to help me get Haerim. Tit for tat." He points his pen at you, and you scoff. "That is so not tit for tat! Haerim is a distinguished young woman, she'd never go for a gremlin like you." "Hurtful!?" He slumps in his chair, making you snicker. "I appreciate your help, Channie. But really, I don't care. It's his life." You shrug, and Chan knows you're lying. "I'm gonna get some water, I'll be back."

You hop off the bed, smoothing your skirt as you open the door. "Can I also steal snacks?" You ask, and Chan nods. "Go for it, Seungcheol buys them." He snorts, and you give him a grin as you close the door behind you.

You take a deep breath as you brace the stairs, hearing a few of the frat brothers speaking quietly in the den. Peering over the banister, you see a card game strewn on the coffee table, with Jeonghan, Seungcheol and Joshua holding cards. They're all dressed comfortably, and Seungcheol has an ice pack on his knee. He looks up, seeing you peering over the banister. He doesn't speak as you smile at him, only returning it as you continue down the steps. You make it back down to the first floor, giving them a curt nod as you walk past them into the kitchen. "Gentlemen." "M'Lady." Jeonghan replies without looking up, and you look over his shoulder to see that he's got a dirty deck of cards, and he's about to win. "Don't mind me." You skirt into the kitchen, grabbing two cups out of the cupboard and helping yourself to the ice machine. You mind your business as you move around, grabbing a bag of chips and a packet of Gushers, before you see a woven basket on the counter with an assorted amount of condoms. You grab a rope of them, holding it between your teeth as you tuck the chips under your arm and the glasses in your hands. You move back across the den, once more greeting the men. "Gentlemen."

Joshua looks up to see why your voice is different, seeing the blue foil packet reflecting the light. Seungcheol snorts, "Have fun, don't be too loud. Minghao is sleeping across the hall from you." "Will do, Cheol." You reply, carefully trekking the stairs. You can hear a soft Ow! What'd you do that for!? as you reach the top floor, hearing the front door slam. You put the cups down on the windowsill next to the stairs, and look over the banister to see Seungcheol and Jeonghan snickering. "Did he leave?" You call, and Jeonghan gives you a thumbs up. You rip the top condom off the thread before tossing down the rest. "Thank you, Beta Tau Sluts!"

"You're welcome!" Seungcheol calls back, catching the condoms before they land in his drink. You grab your drinks again, carefully opening the door with your elbow and Chan looks up to see you. You set the glasses down on his desk, holding up the condom between your fingers.

"Use this with a really special girl, I just pissed off the Vice President of your frat with it." You snicker, and Chan just shakes his head. "Get in here, idiot. We need to study, or OChem is going to eat us for breakfast." "Oh, me first!"

Friday, October 14th.

Joshua put in grades the night before, and you were one point shy of a B minus.

You pretend it doesn't bother you.

Chan was sick, so he'd texted you that morning asking to take notes for him. You took the opportunity to invite Haerim to sit with you – and talk him up. Luckily, there wasn't much talking to do – she already thought he was very cute, but didn't make a move because she thought the two of you were together. You were honest about the past between you, and she just snorted, admitting she'd done the same with a friend of hers.

Msg To: Channie ♡

[10:33AM] mission haerim x chan is a go! [10:33AM] i gave her ur number so…don't fumble.

"Hello, everybody." Joshua calls from the front, and you and Haerim snap your heads up. He starts setting up the projector after everyone replies to his greeting, and she glances at you. "I wonder who broke his heart over the summer." She sighs, and you nod.

"I don't think she meant to." You shrug, your heart warming a bit at the memories. You really regretted it, of course – and it bothered you that it didn't bother him more. You'd been spending a lot of your nights just thinking about it, about him, about opening up to him.

"Well, I hope he heals. She definitely messed up, I've heard he's an absolute sweetheart." She nods, and you smile tightly. "Yeah, he is. His cousin is my best friend. Saerom?" She nods again, "I have Psych with her." "Alright, we're reviewing today." He sighs, and you notice how tired he looks. Eyes are a little swollen. Maybe Hyejin dumped him.

You don't like the giddy feeling you get at that thought.

The review goes by quietly, with Joshua's voice growing more and more tired as he speaks, and he wraps the class up with almost thirty minutes to go. Students walk by and say they hope he feels better, and he just nods at them. You linger, telling Haerim you need to talk to Joshua about office hours, and she leaves without a second thought.

The door closes behind her, and you clear your throat.

"Sick?" You ask, holding out a bag of cough drops. You'd bought them that morning, after Saerom complained of sore throat. He glances at you, and the bag, before shaking his head. "I'm good." Frowning, you step closer to him as he puts his laptop in his bag. "Then what's wrong?" Your voice is gentle, and he stiffens at the sound of it. "Nothing is wrong, Y/N. Thank you for worrying, but I'm fine."

He looks up at you, his eyes lightly rimmed red. You go to speak, but he pulls his bag over his shoulder, moving away from you. "I'll be at the house today, Chan is sick. If you need to talk." You say, before spinning on your heel to leave.

He doesn't respond, only turning away with a frown. "Have a good day, Joshua." "You too, Y/N."

– ☆ –

You were standing in front of the Beta Tau house, waiting for someone to come open the door. Jun was at a study session with Saerom and Soonyoung was out teaching a class, so you were at the house alone. Hearing the doorknob jingle, you look up to see a sleepy Seungcheol opening the door.

"Hey, Y/N. Come in, Chan is in his room." He yawns as he opens the door wider, and you just shake your head in amusement. He and Jeonghan had stopped being a problem after Joshua called them out, and it wasn't long for you to figure out they were friendly based on their treatment of Chan. Very brotherly…very…teasing.

"Hey, Y/N." Jeonghan gives you a curt nod as he stands in front of the mirror by the stairs, giving himself a once over before turning to Seungcheol. "I look okay?" "Yeah." He nods, and you look at Jeonghan over your shoulder. There is a silver packet sticking out of his pocket, "Might wanna tuck that in a little further." You call, before turning back around and trekking the stairs.

"Thanks!" He calls, shoving his hand in his pocket with wide eyes. Seungcheol laughs as you reach the top, before you hear the door open and close with Jeonghan's departure. "Boys." You roll your eyes, before reaching Chan's door. You carefully open the door, trying not to let too much light in.

Chan is draped across his mattress, a fever patch plastered on his forehead. There are half empty bottles of electrolyte drinks all over the floor, and a bowl with Jeonghan's name printed across it. You look inside, seeing broth lingering.

They're taking care of him.

"Y/N?" You hear him croak, and you almost coo. "Oh, Chan. You're a mess." You set the bag of goodies down on his desk, fishing the thermometer out. "Open." You command, peeling the patch off his forehead and sticking the thermometer in his mouth.

You pick up a bit before the thermometer beeps, and you stare at the numbers. "Pretty mild, you've got a 101° fever." You grimace, shaking the thermometer off before skirting around to unpack the bag.

"I'm going downstairs to make you some tea, okay? I'll be right back." You mumble, before peeling the plastic off another fever patch and sticking it to the back of his neck. He shivers a bit, but nods as he closes his eyes.

Exiting the room just as carefully, you sigh. Taking the stairs quickly, you spot Seungcheol on the couch, "Hey." "Hey. He took some Advil a bit ago, and we've been alternating." He informs, and you can feel warmth spread across your chest. "Aw, you guys really care about the pipsqueak." "He's a good kid." Seungcheol nods, taking a sip of his water before eyeing the ginger root in your hand. "Cutting board is in the bottom cabinet, to the left." "Thanks." You smile, making your way to the kitchen. You see Joshua standing against the dishwasher, arms crossed and eyes closed. There is a popcorn bag in the microwave, likely his. You don't bother to say anything, just quietly opening the cabinet and retrieving the stone cutting board, rinsing it with water.

"He's also thrown up everything we've given him the past twelve hours." Joshua murmurs, his eyes still shut as he nods. "Oh. Sounds like viral gastroenteritis." You sigh, opening the drawer for a knife as the microwave beeps. He doesn't move towards it, but fills a pot with water for you and puts it on the stove. He watches silently as you slice up the ginger root, your shoulders tense.

The water starts to heat up, and you move to find a mug and honey. "Here." Joshua pulls one out from behind him, water droplets still on it from being freshly washed. You take it, "Thank you." "Can we talk when you're done? I'll be in my room." He murmurs, and you nod slowly. "Yeah, sure. I just need to feed him, something is something." He nods, opening the microwave to pull out the bag. He turns, opening a cabinet to retrieve a bowl and pour the popcorn in. He gives you a tired nod before exiting, and you peek around the corner to see him hand the bowl to Seungcheol, who thanks him quietly.

You sigh, forcing yourself to focus on the task at hand. You strain the boiled ginger tea, pouring it over three cubes of ice and a hefty amount of honey. You clean up quickly, and organize things in the kitchen before exiting again, a spoon in your hand in case they didn't give you one for the porridge you bought.

"Good luck." Seungcheol smiles at you, and you give him a soft laugh. "Thanks, I'll need it."

Trying to get Chan awake proves to be most difficult once you get back to his room. He rolls over lazily, and you have to prop him up so he can drink the tea. You also carefully prepare his porridge, even going as far as spoon feeding him.

"It's so bland." He whines, and you just shake your head at him. "It's supposed to help your stomach, Channie. Just eat." He gets halfway through the bowl before he decides he doesn't want anymore, asking you to just leave it. You nod, putting the lid back over the top and choosing to clean up the mess in his room. Bottles, plates, cups, all in your arms as you exit the room once more, carefully walking down the stairs.

Seungcheol sees you, and quickly gets up to take them from you. "Woah, I didn't realize it accumulated so fast. Here, I got it, pretty." He grabs everything in one hand, before taking it to the kitchen. You follow, rolling up your sweater sleeves when he waves you off. "You're a guest. I got it, go." You find yourself floating back into Chan's room one last time, just peeking in to make sure he's sleeping. You call out, telling him to call you if he needs anything, that you'll be here for a bit. He just gives you a thumbs up. You take a deep breath, seeing Joshua's door slightly ajar. You walk over slowly, knocking on the door gently and poking your head in. He looks up from his desk, his laptop open to six different tabs and a drafted email. "Come in."

"Hi." You greet, closing the door behind you. He sighs, rubbing his palms on the fabric of his sweatpants. You inch toward him, looking at his screen. It's full of drafted projects, and the email is addressed to a certain Kwon Jiyong, DMA. You reach over and gently close the laptop, his tired eyes watching you do so.

"What's wrong?" "I'm sorry." He confessed, and you tilt your head. "Hm?"

"I was a jerk to you, the other day." He blinks up at you, and you stand for a moment, thinking back. "You mean when you called me a liar?" You smile, a soft laugh escaping. "I'm not mad anymore, you're weren't wrong. I am a liar." Shrugging, you point to the bed. He nods, and you take a seat. "Whether or not you are one…doesn't give me the right to treat you the way I did. I blew up on you, and I never do that, and it's frankly been eating away at me." He admits, and you nod, trying not to let your eyes go too wide. "Losing sleep?" "Unfortunately." Muttering, he opens the laptop again, typing in his password for the tabs to pop up again. "This isn't helping, either." he spins the mouse all over the screen, and you nod.

"Maybe you should take a breather. Go for a walk, find a muse." You offer, and he looks at you with a pained expression. You think this is the smoothest conversation you've had since your reunion. "Come on, let's go on a walk." You stand, offering your hand. He looks at it, and you wiggle your fingers.

He stands, taking it cautiously as you walk forward, grabbing his sweater off the hook and handing it to him. You open the door, seeing Haerim in the hallway with a bag in her hand.

"Haerim?" You call, your hand tightening around Joshua's, and she jumps. "Shit, Y/N. You scared me." She holds her hand to her chest, before holding up the bag. "I bought him some stew, Mingyu told me he's been really sick." Joshua peers over your head, making Haerim's eyes widen like saucers. "Shua?" "Hey, Haerim." He nods, and only then does she see the tight hold you have on Joshua's fingers. "I can explain–" You start, and she just smiles widely. "Damn, I didn't recognize your game. Respect." She nods, holding her hand over her mouth. You wince as he shrugs, tugging you slightly forward.

"Text me." She whispers as he walks past you, and you nod quickly. The two of you walk down the stairs, and Seungcheol is now sitting on the couch again – and he gives you a lazy smile. "Damn, Y/N. You've got hella game." You laugh embarrassedly, as Joshua fixes the way your hands are intertwined. He slots his fingers between yours, grabbing his keys off the hook by the door and opening it. "Ladies first." He murmurs, and you wave goodbye to Seungcheol before stepping out into the cool October air.

"Where to?" He asks, closing the door behind himself. You shrug, shivering slightly as you start down the path. "Wherever you need to."

The two of you walk aimlessly, before you spot the hill you used to visit during your sophomore year, before you finally convinced Saerom to transfer to your university. You'd lay on this hill with Jun, staring at the sky and talking to him about the stars. He was always surprised about how much you knew, but was kept in the dark like everyone else.

Everyone but Joshua.

"Here. I used to come here all the time." You point at the lavender-covered hill, and he lets you lead him up, before standing amongst all the flowers. "Look at the sky."

You tilt your head up, watching as the evening sunset looms overhead. He does the same, before speaking quietly. "I'm not dating Hyejin." Your head lolls to the side, a knowing look on your face. "I know." You lie, shrugging nonchalantly as you turn back to the sky. "How?" "You like me. Hard to move on so fast." You hesitate, and he inches closer. "Yeah?" "Yeah." You breathe, feeling the warmth of his body radiating onto you. You shiver a bit, and he sighs, tucking you into him. His sweater is open, and he lets go of your hand to wrap your arms around him. He does the same, wincing lightly at the cold feeling of your hands on his back.

"I'm still very sorry, you know." He laments, and you give him a tight smile. "I shouldn't have said any of it, especially not about your parents." He looks down at you, your eyes peering up at him already.

"My parents suck, don't take back what you say about them." You shrug, scanning his face. "I am confused about the Hyejin thing." "Right, that." He sucks his teeth lightly, a slight blush coating his cheeks. "She…asked for my help, and I have a really hard time saying no." "Of what nature was this 'help?'" You make air quotes, and Joshua can see a glint of the green-eyed monster in your demeanor. He smiles, moving to card his fingers through your hair gently. "Making an ex-boyfriend jealous kind of help." "Doesn't explain why you two were about to kiss when Chan and I got up the stairs." You say pointedly, his fingers toying gently with your earring. Another gift from your grandmother, he remembers these, too. A sun and a moon. "Let's just say I could recognize your voice from a mile away." You quirk a brow at him, before scoffing. "You're obsessed with me." "Since I saw you in that white dress." He nods, making you roll your eyes. You bite back your smile, "Can I kiss you?" "You're asking?" He tilts his head, and you snort. "Some of us don't like to assume things." You say with a tinge, and he shrugs. "I know when someone wants me." "I don't want you." You shake your head, a frown on your lips as you run your own hands through his mussed hair, peering over his shoulder to see an empty campus. Odd, for this hour. "Oh, you don't?" He entertains your shenanigans, before tilting your chin up to look in your eyes. "Nope." You pop the 'p', nuzzling your nose with his. His fingers are gently tracing your jaw before he presses his lips to yours. You melt into his touch carefully, his other hand softly holding your hip, squeezing before he pulls away, touching his forehead to yours. You blink up at him, "I don't want you. I need you."

"Did you sleep with Chan?" He asks, a bit roughly as he adjusts his hold on you. His hands move to rest on your back, and you shake your head. "Not recently, no." "Recently?" His eyes widen, and you snort. "Once, three years ago." You roll your eyes, and he nods. "No plans of sleeping with him soon?" "None." You murmur, and he bites his lip, a smile threatening to take over. "Plans of sleeping with anyone else?" "Don't know, there is this one guy." You pretend to think, pulling his hands to the front and lacing your fingers with one, taking him further down the hill slowly. The flower field comes into view, and you look up at the sky to see it's darkened remarkably. "Do you know the story of Altair and Vega?" "The story of Altair and Vega?" He echoes, allowing you to sit him down, plopping down next to him before clearing your throat. You nod, placing his hand on your inner thigh. "For warmth." You roll your eyes, before leaning back on your hands. "It's an old Chinese legend. Altair is the brightest star in the Aquila constellation." You search the sky for it, before spotting it overhead. "There." You point, and he nods.

"You told me about those three stars over the summer. Vega, Altair and Deneb." He recalls, and you feel your smile take over your face. "You remember that?"

"We can talk about that later." He shrugs, pressing a kiss to your cheek as you nod carefully. "Right…so, out of the three, Vega is the brightest. In their story, Altair is nothing but a shepherd. He herds cows after being abandoned by his family, and he yearns for love. His only love is music, and he plays lovely melodies on the flute."

Turning slightly to face him, you shrug. "Vega was said to be a goddess, from the Heavens that was forbidden from interacting with mortals, but she heard his song and it was love at first sight. She would leave the Heavens at sunrise and sunset to be with him. They even had children together. Her mother grew suspicious, and demanded she return to the Heavens. She did so."

"The shepherd had a beautiful ox with thick skin. Seeing the way his owner yearned for the love of the goddess, he offered his skin as a sacrifice to reunite them. It didn't work."

"Why?" Joshua asks gently, his eyes still staring up at the stars overhead. "Her mother was enraged. She created a band of stars to separate them. Their love can't be, not the way they want it." You sigh, and he glances at you.

"So what are you saying?" His voice holds no malice, only curiosity. You feel his hand tighten around your thigh slightly, prompting you to remove it and swing your leg over his lap, adjusting yourself to sit on his thighs. He gives you a look of confusion, but you just lace your fingers with his before taking a deep breath. "I'm saying that I'm a coward." You admit with a mutter, not able to look him in the eyes as you blink back the sting of tears. "I'm saying that…I want to, you know. I want to be brave, I want to tell my parents that I'm not their puppet, I want to pursue my own dreams." "What's stopping you?" He murmurs, his thumb rubbing small circles into your skin. "Fear." You sigh. "Fear of failing. Fear of…not being good enough." "Good enough for what? You're smart, you're passionate. You love this." He gestures at the sky, and you look into his eyes, his face blurry behind tears as you whisper just loud enough for him to hear you. "Good enough for you."

He sighs at this, reaching his fingers up to wipe at a few fallen tears. "There is another story in your legend, but in Greek mythology." Your head tilts to the side, and he smiles. "Lyra, means lyre. Orpheus was a musician in mythology, and a renowned poet. He even went down to Hades' hell to try and save his wife." "Eurydice." You murmur, and he nods. "He loved her more than anything, alongside his music. The story of how Lyra came to be, is that Eurydice died. She was bitten by a venomous snake and had long died by the time Orpheus found her. He was so heartbroken, he played the saddest melodies known to man and it affected everyone else just as much as it did him. He loved her so much, he went to the depths of Hades' hell to beg for her back, to live her full life, to enjoy her time."

He scans your face, feeling your fingers trace shapes into his abdomen. "Hades broke the rule, one time. He sympathized with Orpheus, and since they were both mortals, he knew they'd eventually return to him once their lives were over. The catch?" He took a piece of your hair between his fingers, twirling it through nimble fingers.

"Eurydice had to follow him out, and he wasn't allowed to look back at her until they got back to Earth, lest he'd send her right back." He said with a hum, watching as your lips pursed in discontent. "He turned back, didn't he?" "He feared she'd get lost in the dark. Just before they got back, just before they made it, he looked back and the gates to Hades' darkness were shut. He wept for her, for seven days and seven nights outside of those gates, but he never saw her again." He sighed, tucking the strand of hair behind your ear. "He was beaten to death by drunk women four years later, during a celebration for Dionysus. He never moved on, and was deemed a woman hater because he consistently rejected any and every woman for his Eurydice. His lyre was thrown in the river, and Zeus sent an eagle for it. That's how you got Lyra."

Pointing at the sky, the two of you watch how the sky slowly turns.

Without looking back at him, you whisper, "What are you saying?" "I'm saying…I don't want you to be Eurydice. Lost forever because I can't let you go." He splays his large hands across your thighs, the cold of his fingertips making you look back down at him. "But, I know that Orpheus and Eurydice deserved a happy ending. And I know that three weeks is a very short time to get to know someone, but I think…I know you better than almost anyone in your life." You stifle a laugh, nodding. "Nobody knows me like you, Joshua. Saerom doesn't even know I'm a double major." "Bad girl, very bad." He scolds you teasingly, before his thumbs press lightly into your thighs. "I want you to be happy. And if it means that this…whatever, we are…is a secret for a while, I'm okay with that." He shrugs, and you glance down at him.

"You know you deserve better, right?" You murmur, and he sighs. "It's either you or that lunch lady from my freshman year that's been after me for ages. Please, please save me." His tone is joking, but the look in his eyes is serious, solemn.

"Are you sure?" Your thumb pads his slight under eye bags, and he leans into it. "Yes, but don't give in to me so easily. I like the little mind games you play."

Snorting, you flick his nose gently. "What, so you want me to keep being defiant?"

"It's kind of hot." He crinkles his nose at the admission, and you let out a laugh. A genuine laugh, unlike your normal ones. "You're so…" He trails off, tilting his head to the side before sighing.

"I'm so what? Annoying? Stubborn? A snotty-nosed brat?" You prod, and he just smiles. "Yes, all of that. But…I don't know. You're so…easy to love."

"You…love me?" The confusion in your voice makes his chest ache. "I can't, uhm, I can't say I'm super well versed in the topic." He clears his throat, seeing your eyes become slightly glossy. "I just…I know that you feel right. I know that seeing you makes me less stressed. Nobody has been able to pull me away from my desk all week, Cheol had to physically drag me out earlier to eat something. I keep thinking back to our first night together, because the stress of some deadlines I have coming up is just driving me mad. But closing my eyes and just thinking about you, and knowing that you're not really this person you've painted for ages, I know. I think I feel closer to you, knowing that you've confided in me to keep this secret of yours, and I'm honored. I want to make you feel…wanted, needed. I want you to know that you are so much more than 'good enough.' If anything, I will never be enough for you, and I could spend the rest of my life working to earn you and your love." You're silent for a moment, taking in his words as your hands ghost over his. You give him a small smile, toying with the ring on his finger. "I should get you home." You murmur, and he smiles as he straightens, placing his hands on your back so you don't topple. "Anywhere you are is home, Y/N."

You don't respond, choosing to give him a chaste kiss. "We really need to get you home, I have to check on Chan." You speak against his lips, and he nods. "Fine, fine." The two of you get up, and Joshua files your lack of response into the back of his mind. Was it too much? Did he cross a line?

The walk is quiet, but you're holding his hand tighter than you had on the stroll earlier. You're holding him closer, even holding onto his arm with your opposite hand and resting your head slightly on his shoulder. When you reach the frat, he unlocks the door to see Seungcheol and Jeonghan debriefing about Jeonghan's date on the couch. Jeonghan almost calls him over when he sees you float in after him, a loud whoo! from his mouth.

"Shut up!" You groan, gesturing up the stairs. "Chan is sleeping!" "Woo!" Jeonghan cheers again, albeit quieter, and you roll your eyes. Joshua takes your sweater off your shoulders, and you allow him to do so as he hangs them on the rack by the door. "How was your date, Jeonghan?" "Good! She was very sweet, good taste in music." He smiles softly, before glancing between you and Joshua. "Did you…talk?" He clears his throat, and you feel Joshua's hand on your back, his eyes looking up the stairs.

"We can debrief what happened between us…at a later date." You smile, and Jeonghan gives you a knowing look. Seungcheol sips his beer with a smirk, shaking his head as the two of you climb the stairs gingerly. "Check on Chan." Joshua whispers, kissing the back of your neck before turning to his room.

Knocking gently, you open the door to see Haerim watching him carefully. She's holding the thermometer in her hand, shaking it as she sighs. She doesn't startle when she sees you, a warm smile on her face as she holds it up. "Still mild fever." "No vomit, right?" You ask, closing the door behind you. She shakes her head, pointing at the empty stew bowl she brought. "He practically inhaled it." "Traitor, he didn't want to eat the porridge I brought him." You scoff, and she laughs. "How was…you know." She gestures in the direction of Joshua's room, and you feel yourself get a little giddy. She notices the wry smile on your lips, giving your arm a soft smack before nagging you. "What happened!" "He likes me." You shrug, biting back your squeal as she bounces on her toes with a toothy grin. "He likes you?!"

"Yes!" You giggle, bouncing with her, and Chan groans behind the two of you. You both clench your teeth shut, lowering your voices. "I'll update you some other time, okay? I'll be at his beck and call, so don't worry about Chan." Haerim nods, not bothering to probe before she hikes her knapsack over her shoulder. She leans, pressing a soft kiss to Chan's hairline, telling him she's leaving. He nods weakly, squeezing her hand before she pulls away. "Should I get one of the guys to walk you home?" You ask, and she shakes her head. "My roommate's been waiting for ages for me to call her. I'll see you on Monday?"

She walks towards the stairs, and you nod. "See you, Haerim."

"Chan, I'm going home. Call me, or have one of the guys call me if you need anything." You call into the room, and he groans in response. You snort, grabbing your purse off his desk and carefully shutting the door, sighing as you take a few steps down the hall to Joshua's room. You knock lightly, opening the door when you hear him hum.

He's sitting in front of his laptop again, a frustrated look on his face as he connects a soundboard to his laptop, before feeling your presence. You smile at him, arms crossed before you speak, perching on the edge of his desk. "I'm going home."

"I know, I asked Cheol to walk you because I really need to focus." He says, a bit of sadness peeking through. You nod, "Thank you." "Can you text me when you get home?" His question is more of a demand, but you can see he's not trying to push it. "Yes, sir." You push off the desk, reaching to wrap your arms around his neck as he leans into his computer.

"Don't work yourself too hard, lover." You whisper in his ear, pressing a kiss to his temple before feeling his hand on your wrist, twisting his head to look at you. There's a soft blush coating his cheeks. "What'd you say?" "I said I'm going home." You change your expression to a stoic one, and he almost chokes on his laugh. "I'll see you on Monday."

"Yeah, for sure." He gives your wrist a gentle squeeze, "Let me walk you out, at least." "Don't kiss me in front of your friends." You warn, and he snorts. Standing, he watches as your arms drape to your sides before you clasp your hands in front of you before walking out into the hallway. You both barrel down the stairs, and hear Jeonghan whining over a bottle of tequila about his date. "She's so hot, Cheol, you don't get it." "I get it, I get it." Seungcheol replies distractedly, his eyes flickering up to you and Joshua reaching the foyer. "Ready to go, Y/N?" He stands, going to the closet to rummage for a jacket. "Yeah, thanks for doing this." You smile sheepishly, and Jeonghan looks up. "Oh, you're going home?" "Yeah, Chan's sleeping and…" You clear your throat, giving Joshua a quick glance. He catches on, "I'm busy. Doing shit. Important, you know."

"Tell us more about how you wouldn't be able to control yourselves, why don't you?" Jeonghan grimaces, and you snort. "This is why you're here, yearning for your date instead of being back at her apartment." "The hell is that supposed to mean!" He pouts, and Joshua snorts as he helps you pull your jacket on. "It means you're a bitch, Han."

"Don't make me tell Y/N all your dirty little secrets, Hong." Jeonghan tilts the shot glass in his direction, making you go wide eyed as Seungcheol returns, a blue and white varsity jacket draped over his shoulders. "Alright, let's scoot. The night is young." He stretches, and you smile at Jeonghan.

"Hope you get the girl, Hannie." You say softly, and his eyes soften. "Thanks, Y/N." "Bye, Joshua." You murmur as Seungcheol steps outside, muttering about the cold under his breath. Joshua looks to Jeonghan, who has his eyes closed, before pulling you into him. "One for the road?" You roll your eyes, "One for the road."

Thursday, December 29th.

The past two months had been a mess. Your parents had continuously dropped by randomly (and they dropped by the night of the Beta Tau Halloween rager), making both you and Saerom annoyed. She'd recently started seeing Jun (which kind of makes you grateful you're not in the apartment for their study sessions, who knows what freak shit they're on) and neither of you could study or rest in peace without feeling like they'd drop by.

Missing the party was the least of your worries, because you knew Joshua wasn't going to be involved in it anyway. He sent you a text from his desk, his guitar needing to be restrung because he couldn't pull himself away from his work. You'd told him to go for a walk.

Message From: Joshua Hong (TA) [11/03] What use is a walk if you're not there to kiss my worries away? You hadn't replied, opting to choose to scream into your pillow like a giddy teenaged girl.

In this time, you'd also managed to sit Saerom down and really speak to her about yourself. You told her that you didn't feel like yourself, and when she asked why, you broke out a bottle of wine and the two of you broke down the last few years of your lives. You admitted that you didn't want any part of your family's business, and Saerom had only given you a softened look.

"Don't pity me, Rom. You know I hate that shit.""I don't, my love. I don't pity you at all."

You'd cried quite a bit, and she'd just watched quietly and wiped your tears as they came. She understood, and she voiced that she thinks she would also do the same – the lying, the escapism, the misunderstandings. She apologized, saying she was sorry that she ever made you feel like you couldn't confide in her – smiling slightly when you said that she was never the problem, it was knowing that you'd be admitting to failure. She understood that, too.

The apartment felt more homey after that – Saerom took the time to go out and buy a few things she thought you'd like – a few constellation posters, a Lego set for you to build together of the Milky Way. She built the astronaut and NASA shuttle herself, placing those in your room when you texted her a few days after she bought them saying you'd had a rough day. She heard you crying in your room, only entering to comfort you when she heard you call her name.

These weeks were also particularly difficult because you'd seen less and less of Joshua. You never considered yourself the clingy type, and the Beta Tau brothers were definitely becoming more familiar with you as the days passed. You saw Joshua outside of class maybe twice, and it was once during office hours and once by going to the house to check on Chan right after Joshua admitted his feelings for you. He'd gotten a lot better, but you'd picked up his assignments from classes you didn't share so he wouldn't fall behind. He'd asked you what was going on between you and Joshua, and you just shrugged.

"We're taking it slow."

"Please don't fuck while I'm still sick, I don't want to hear it."

You and Joshua seemed to have no plans of doing so, it seems. Your schedules did not line up, and you could see him become slightly more stressed every time you saw him. Your classmates noticed something different about him, and you and Haerim just giggled in the back when he'd steal a glance at you. She never said anything to anyone, either.

Once school let out for the winter break (and you disappointedly passed Spanish with a B minus), you did everything in your power to avoid going home. You told your parents any lie you could grapple at – Saerom was sick, you were sick and didn't want to get them sick.

The truth? You just wanted to ring in the New Year with your…boyfriend? You didn't know what the two of you were, and you weren't afraid to admit that to yourself. He was graduating soon, and possibly taking a gap year before continuing his studies. You knew this much through texts – the one thing the two of you did have time for. He sent you voice notes on his way to anywhere, he'd send you pictures of the night sky before going to bed – asking if you could point out any constellations for him.

Message From: Shua <3 [11:32pm] Are you home? [11:33pm] Before you answer this, is Saerom home? I don't feel like explaining myself, I just want to lay the fuck down.

You snort at his message, giggling to yourself at his new contact name. You don't know if you'll ever get used to it.

Message To: Shua <3 [11:33pm] Saerom went home for the break. Something about introducing Jun to her mom.

His reply is almost instant. Message From: Shua <3 [11:34pm] Open the door, I'm freezing.

From your seat on the couch, you hear Joshua groan behind the door and you laugh. Tossing your phone to the side, you quickly get up and unlock the door. You see a pouty Joshua holding a bag of takeout, eyelashes lightly coated in snow as he enters the apartment. "You hate me." He whines, and you snort.

"I can make you go back out in the cold, if you'd like." You shrug, making him scoff as you carefully unravel his scarf. He closes his eyes as you take his jacket, and yank his beanie off his head with no care. "When do I get my kiss? I haven't seen you since finals, I deserve a kiss."

"It's like, twenty minutes until your birthday. You can't wait?" You roll your eyes, feeling a ball of fabric hit your back. You look down to see his pink glove on the floor, making you scoff out a laugh. "Now you're definitely not getting a kiss." "Oh my Goooood, you hate me!" He pouts, grabbing your arm and pulling you close to him. You shake your head, gently nuzzling your nose to his cold one. "Not one bit." You still hadn't told Joshua you loved him. Granted, the two of you were not dating and hadn't properly seen each other in literal ages – as much as 'ages' can be for two idiots in love.

"Why are you dressed like this? And why have I never been here before? This place is cool." He looks around, spotting the astronomy figurines Saerom had started getting for you, the walls covered in photos of you together and he spots the photo of you and your parents gathering dust on one of the shelves. He doesn't mention it.

"Dressed like what? My pajamas?" You look down, and he tugs at the seam of your shorts. "Rather…provocative." "Shut the fuck up, it's almost bed time." You roll your eyes, swatting his hand away from the bare skin of your thighs. He smiles amusedly, planting a soft kiss to the tip of your nose, before peppering them all over your face. His lips meet yours lightly, a chaste taste of his strawberry lip balm lingering on your plush lips as he pulls away.

"The bag is just mochi. I already had dinner." He says sheepishly, and you shrug. "I did, too. To be honest, I wasn't expecting company." "I didn't think you'd stayed on campus." He nods, and you sigh with a sad smile. "Don't wanna see my parents." "Right. How's that going?" He asks, pulling you to the couch with one hand. You let him lay down, pulling you on top of him. Your knees hug his hips as you straddle him, his hands resting high on your thighs. "It's…going. I should call them, but I really don't want to–" You hear the doorknob wiggle, tensing in Joshua's hold as you turn. The lock turns, and your muttered whisper of fuck makes all the alarms in Joshua's mind go off. You climb off of him as the door is pushed open, and you can feel your skin heat in embarrassment as your mother scoffs, stepping into the apartment. Joshua carefully slides off the couch, stepping next to you.

"Jesus, she keeps this place a mess." She groans, looking at the bag of takeout on your dinner table. She hasn't seen you yet, placing her giant designer bag on a chair as your father comes in behind her. "All you do is judge the girl, no wonder she doesn't want to come home." He rolls his eyes, but they land on you – standing with beet red cheeks and an equally embarrassed Joshua by your side. Your father's eyes dart to the link between you – Joshua's hand gingerly interlocking your fingers. You don't speak, and he looks at Joshua's eyes filled with slight worry.

"Can you go get her? She's probably holed up in her room, looking at those stupid mo– Who the fuck are you?" Your mother has turned now, her narrowed eyes on Joshua before landing on you. "Who the fuck is that? You said you were sick, and you have company over?" Your throat is dry, and you feel frozen when Joshua steps in front of you, shielding you from your parents' view. "You must be Y/N's parents. I've heard a lot about you, I'm Joshua."

He extends his hand, and your father eyes it before taking it, shaking it firmly. "Nice grip you got there, son." Your mother scoffs, tugging her scarf off her neck with a visceral anger. Joshua can feel you cower behind him, your fingers gripping onto the back of his shirt. "Joshua what? What do you do for a living?" He clears his throat, watching as your mother walks around the apartment without taking her shoes off, taking down stuff from the walls. "Joshua Hong. I'm a producer." He lies through his teeth, and your mother scowls as she sees the Lego version of the Milky Way hung right by your bathroom. She takes it down, tossing it carelessly on the couch.

"A producer? You won't make much money."

"That's enough." Your father speaks up, and sees you peer at him from behind Joshua. "What are you to Y/N? Boyfriend?" "Not allowed!" Your mother announces, her hands now occupied by your opened mail. Bills, bills, a credit card statement, bills…and your summer internship at the Korea Astronomy and Space Institute.

"I am…her boyfriend." Joshua whispers, losing a bit of confidence as your mother angrily walks back to your foyer. "What's this?" She holds the acceptance letter up, your eyes shutting closed as you see it in her hand. "Fuck." You murmur behind Joshua, and your mother begins to read it aloud.

"Esteemed Miss Kang, it is with great pride that we award you with the July KASI internship studying plasma physics." She crumples the paper slightly in her fist, and your father pries it from her hold as you step out from behind Joshua, and she really lays it on you.

"We told you from the start that these silly little dreams about space and stars were not going to happen. You are the sole heir to the companies, the properties, you have to continue the family business. Don't you care about that? Don't you care about paying us back for everything we've given you, and continue to supply you with? Don't you get that this is not an option?" She's not yelling, but her words cut deep as you nod slowly, the words tumbling out before you can stop to think about them properly. "I don't care." Your mother looks taken aback, and you feel your stomach flip as you clear your throat. "I don't care about properties, or companies. I don't care about money, or marrying for wealth. I…" You breathe in shakily, and Joshua instinctively puts his hands on your shoulders, an act not unseen by your mother's beady eyes.

"I don't care about being part of a family that is fueled by greed. I can't do it anymore. I hope that…you find another fit." The last part comes out as a bit of a sob, and you cover your mouth quickly. Your mother is fuming, and she turns to your father, who is silently reading the letter in his hands.

"I didn't know you liked plasma physics." He murmurs, and you feel Joshua's fingers squeeze your shoulders lightly. "I didn't even know what you were studying, if I'm being honest." Your father admits sheepishly, smoothing the crumpled edge of the sheet carefully.

"This is a very hard program to get into. I would know," Your father holds the letter out to you, and you reach to take it, holding the corner gingerly in your fingers. "You would know?" Joshua echoes, and your father nods.

"I applied. I got the June internship for aerospace engineering, my best friend was so jealous." You don't know the last time you saw your father smile. "I'm…proud of you. I know it's a little late in saying that, I've been quite the absent father.I guess, I can't even really say father."

Your mother is tapping her foot, garnering your attention again. "Whatever rebel strike you're on isn't cute, Y/N. I've got investors waiting to meet you, wanting to draw up contracts, to build new properties with your name across the front." Your father sighs, shaking his head as he looks at the two of you again. "Joshua, could you give us a moment?"

You turn to look at him, your eyes pleading him not to leave. He gives you a sorry smile, squeezing your shoulders before kissing your hairline. "I'll be in your room." He murmurs, and you nod, watching as he walks away, slipping into the only open door in the hallway. He shuts it behind him.

Your father sighs, leaning against the door frame. "Your mother and I are getting a divorce."

You can feel your eyes widen as far as they go, your mother flushing furiously. "Can I ask why?" "It's none of your business." She grits, and your father scoffs. "I'm selling the company. I'm tired, Y/N. Being in business is not what I want to do." He shakes his head, and you try to bite back a smile.

"It's not?"

"No. I'm donating the money to the Aerospace Engineering program here, actually." He gestures around you, indicating the University. You feel your lips tug into a smile, your father's warm eyes matching yours. "I don't understand why you can't just leave the company in Y/N's name so she can take over when we're both dead and gone. At least it sets up a stable future for her!" "She won't be happy, Bora! That's why I can't do that. Nothing in this life means anything if we're not happy." He groans frustratedly, and you feel almost taken aback by your father's words. He'd always been a silent man – a bit cold, with two friends and love for one thing: baseball.

And space, you now know.

"This is fucking ridiculous. I cannot leave my investors hanging, and I refuse to hand over my properties to someone I don't even know!" Your mother is exasperated, and you almost want to laugh at how you and your father shrug simultaneously.

"Whatever." She grumbles, snatching her purse off the chair, pulling it over her shoulder. She gives you a nasty look, "I assume this means you will also bail on meeting the Mins' youngest son? Yoongi has been waiting to meet you."

"Yoongi can shove it." You shrug, and she just shakes her head in disappointment – but for once…you don't care. She slams out of your apartment, her scarf flung over the back of your couch. Your father gives you a gentle smile, and you return it.

"I'm sorry for not being a better father to you, Y/N. I should have tried harder." He laments, and you see his eyes begin to gloss over with tears. You step forward, enveloping him in a loose hug. "I think…standing up for me and what you believe in, is a step in the right direction. I haven't been a very present daughter, either."

He laughs shakily, giving you a tight squeeze. "How about you and I get dinner in the next few days? You can even bring Joshua, I kind of like that kid." He mumbles, and you feel your stomach flutter at the mention of your…boyfriend's name. "I'll check our calendars and shoot you a text, okay?" "For sure, kid." He pulls away, softly patting your head. "I'll see you, okay?" "Yeah. See you." You nod, opening the door for him. He leaves with another word, your mother's scarf in his hand as he exits your apartment. You feel a wave of relief wash over you, but bite back your tears as you lock the door and march to your bedroom. Opening the door, you see Joshua flopped diagonally across your bed, phone in his hand.

It's twenty minutes past midnight, and the date reads December 30th.

"Hey, you." He looks over his shoulder, and watches as you pin the acceptance letter to the corkboard above your dresser. You put your hands on your hips, staring at it with a bit more content in your heart.

"Hey, boyfriend." You say, turning to face him. His ears turn pink, and he sits up. "It just came out, okay? I'm sorry, I know I haven't even taken you out to dinner or anything but I really, really–" You crash your lips to his, pushing him back onto your bed as you straddle him. "Yeah, yeah. No need for explanations." You peel your shirt off, tossing it to the side as he looks at you with wide eyes. "Are you sure?"

"Happy birthday, lover."

Saturday, May 6th.

"Joshua Hong."

You cheer loudly from the stands as he crosses the stage, watching his cheeks tinge pink as he hears you over the clapping and yelling from his fraternity. He smiles as the photographer takes his picture, before looking up at the stands to find you. You wave excitedly, and his eyes brighten all the more. I love you, he mouths.

I'm proud of you, you mouth back. Wimp.

– ☆ –

"Hey, gorgeous. You a tourist?" You're standing at the bar of the same salsa club you and Joshua danced at last summer when you hear Joshua's voice behind you, and you struggle not to roll your eyes. The two of you only stayed at the graduation long enough to watch Jeonghan cross the stage, before Cheol texted the group and said he was sneaking out.

The three of them had booked a last-minute trip…back to Puerto Vallarta.

"The city where you fell in love!" Cheol teased as the group loaded into the car, with you sitting on Joshua's lap in the backseat. Saerom was sitting next to you, and Junhui was giggling at the redness of your cheeks as the pair of douchebags teased you to no end. It didn't matter though – you felt Joshua smile into your shoulder as the group pulled into the airport.

"Yeah, I am. Are you?" You played his game, waiting until he finally came into your line of vision with the same baby blue guayabera you first saw him in. Your stomach flutters lightly as his hand ghosts your back. "Nah, I've been here before. Got my heart broken by a cute thing, she looked a little like you." "Alright, that's enough roleplay you weirdo." You scoff, shoving his hand away from you as he laughed, He stepped slightly closer, ignoring your faux annoyance. "Right, right…I know some cool places here, if you'd care to join me." His eyes twinkle something mischievous as the bartender slides you your drink. You take it with a thank you, before sighing and linking your arm with Joshua's. "Do you, now?" "I do. There's some pretty hammocks down the beach, you can see all the stars right now." He glances up at the sky as the two of you leave the club, your shoes clutched in his hand as your toes sink into the warm sand. You smile up at him, "What do you know about stars?" "Someone very special once told me a story about two lovers who couldn't be…and they reside in these very stars." He points at the sky, and you nod. "You know, I once heard a story like that, but they were involved in Greek mythology." You stare up at the sky, when you reach the hammock the two of you shared that first night.

"Really? Was it about Orpheus and Eurydice? I love that one." He smiles as he helps you on, fixing the skirt of your dress to cover your legs more. "Your star-crossed lovers, were they Altair and Vega?"

"So you do know stars." He slides in, and you rest your head on his chest. "I do. Love them, actually." "You're my brightest star." He murmurs, kissing your forehead lightly as his hand maps out the Lyra constellation. "It's so pretty, isn't it?" Looking back down at you, he sees the gloss over your eyes and sits up. "Babe! Don't cry, oh my God–" "I love you." You blurt, watching as his brows raise, his ears tinging pink in the low light of the moon. He lays back down slowly, and you scrunch your face before sitting up and looking down at him. "Hello? Big moment here, asswipe?" "Just a second." He smiles painfully, and your brows only furrow more. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I'm hard." He whispers, making you glance down. "Don't look at it! What's wrong with you!" He pouts as you burst into laughter, your hand resting on his stomach as you muffle your laughter with his shoulder. "It's not funny."

"You're such a LOSER!"

Pulling back, you wipe at your eyes, catching your breath.

"But you love me too, right?" You ask, peering down at him as he rolls his eyes, smiling widely. He brings you closer to him, his lips ghosting over yours as he speaks softly.

"I love you so much, I'd bring down the stars if you asked me to."

#what the hell is wrong with you alta #WHY DID U EAT SO HARD I HATE YOUUUUU #jk #yk i love you #alot #even if u dont love me back #ANYWAYS SHUA COME HERE lets go on vacay together #nabis fic recs

582 notes · View notes

thelargefrye · 10 months ago

Text

🌷 SMALLS’ FIC RECOMMENDATION LIST.

i've seen a lot of fic rec lists circulating in the community recently and so i felt like i should also make one to support fellow writers who i think really deserve that extra love and attention.

so this is also an appreciation post because i have quite a few things to say. these are mainly writers that i enjoy reading and think need a lot more love and attention because let's be honest, they have amazing ideas and people are just sleeping on them.

so, i'll just jump right into it! make sure to send these writers love and reblog their works!!!

my best friend and person i share a braincell with : @sanjoongie

check out her master list.

like you want to talk about talent? topaz is the one who breathes talent and ideas that literally no one else is coming up with. like if i had to read only one person for the rest of my life, it would be topaz because her writing is just amazing. her moodboards that she makes for her works, perfect. everything topaz does when it comes to writing is amazing, and i'm so glad that she's my best friend and braincell.

and not only that, but topaz is just nice to be talk to! like she makes you want to repeatedly talk to her and she is so good at helping flesh out my own ideas. i wouldn't have written half the things i did last year if it wasn't for her.

anyways, i'm so grateful and proud to call topaz my braincell because she's so amazing, talented, and nice. it breaks my heart that more people don't talk about HER. like you want to read something different and so well written then you need to read literally ANY work topaz has written.

topaz, my lovely braincell, thank you for putting up with me and my shit 24/7. if it wasn't for you i probably wouldn't have gotten out of my writer's block. and just now that i love you and thank you for being an amazing friend and writer.

and if you've gotten this far, i'll just straight up tell you that this is topaz appreciation post. so now i'll link some of my favorite works by her and tell you why i love them:

twilight academy ( all parts ) ( rated : mature )

wizard professor!seonghwa x wizard professor!f!reader ft. ateez

this currently has four parts and is still ongoing and is literally SO good. like who else is writing about a professor au WHERE THEY ARE ALL WIZARDS. and not to mention the worldbuilding and history that is all mentioned and talked about. its so so so good and the smut in it is absolutely to die for. and the chemistry between seonghwa and mc is so good, i love when they go back and forth.

breed ( part one ) ( rated : mature )

ateez x f!reader ( most of the members are aliens with san and another member being human )

now THIS is an alien au done right and different and basically sum it up with one sentence its "alien!teez doing sexual experiments" (from @/morethingsfandom). like its just so good and the SMUT! THE SMUT IS WHY WE ARE HERE PEOPLE!! THIS IS WHAT SCI-FI SMUT IS ABOUT!!! like this is honestly pure pwp and a nice switch up if maybe twilight academy isn't your thing.

see? topaz does everything!

dragon oracle ( here ) ( rated : mature )

dragon!ateez x dragon!f!reader ( based off of my own dragon au )

THIS!! in my opinion is one of topaz's best works (i may be biased lol) and def my favorite from all time. topaz took my au and did her own spin on it and made it her own. she cared about the source material, asked questions, let me ramble, and then boom! a masterpiece was made. if you like my dragon au, then i highly, HIGHLY recommend you read this. and if you've already read... then read it again.

i wish it was me ( here ) ( rated : 18+ )

water bender!san x avatar!hongjoong x water bender!f!reader x water tribe warrior!yunho ( implied ot8 )

again another fic that is based off of mine but literally made it her own because topaz is just that talented. a "what-if" au for my alta series where mc is a water bender and with san and yunho. absolutely amazing and does so well with writing all the characters and their dynamics. a def read if you love atla!

sweet sorrow of evil ( master list ) ( rated : mature )

ateez x evil queen!f!reader ( members have different roles within the story )

this is a collab story between topaz and me and i couldn't make this post and NOT include this series that we are working on together. this really just shows what two authors can make when they come together. we co-wrote the prologue and are currently writing the first chapter. this world is our baby and i love and it has the both of us in a chokehold, i'm so proud of the world me and here built and i want everyone to see it.

and honestly, that's just the tip of the iceberg cause topaz has SO MANY more but these are just the ones that i always think about. like, i really suggest you all check out topaz's works. i have more of her fics on my fic rec blog (@comicsan) so if you want to see more of her and other fics that i have enjoyed then i would check that blog out.

please go show my bestie support, it would mean the world to me!

thank you 🩷

#ʚ・◞🍥 // smalls talks.#appreciation post #ateez x reader #ateez blurbs #ateez imagines #poly ateez x reader #ateez scenarios #ateez smut #ateez reactions #ateez fanfic #ateez fic recs #ʚ・◞🍥 // moots.

154 notes · View notes

hometoursandotherstuff · 5 months ago

Text

This 1978 home in Las Vegas, NV is the ultimate millionaire's Vegas pad. 7bds, 6ba, $2.85M. It's a mid-century modern home, but it's been renovated.

Unlike the usual MCM homes we've seen, this one has few original features. It's very colorful and full of art, so we have to look beyond the decor to determine what it really looks like. I don't know if the ceiling is original, but it looks like the front doors are- they were just painted turquoise.

I like the yellow closet doors and orange in the ceiling, plus the lion mural. They will stay. So will the chandelier (not a fan of it, though).

What a colorful staircase. Not sure that I like that fake garden thing hanging on it, though.

Let's see... take away all the colorful furnishings and there's a stone fireplace and a purple wall. Interesting that they hung all that stuff on the fireplace. Huge living room.

Ultra modern kitchen with an interesting curved wall. I like the colored lights.

Love the colorful countertop. The dining area has a long stone wall with a fireplace and it's been painted white.

Long gallery hall with one purple wall and one white. I would imagine that they leave the carpet runners.

Large primary bedroom has a fireplace and a terrace.

There's a wide pass thru to the en-suite. Very nice MCM graphic on the wall and bright yellow cabinetry. Love the tub.

Look at mirrored shower.

Now, this bedroom I like. They have so many odd-shaped carpets. How do they vacuum them? They'd move all over that floor.

The en-suite has a beautiful floating pink sink.

Very large guest room. The wallpaper's nice, it's a neutral black & white, so the new owners can have whatever colors they like.

Smaller room has a lovely purple graphic wall.

Love the mural in the rec room and the rounded windows. They may or may not take the pink pole.

The rec room opens to this room with purple closet doors.

And, a cool motorcycle bar. I wonder if that conveys. It doesn't look like a built-in.

Now, we've come full circle to the family/pool room off the main entrance hall.

There's an apt. with a large combination living room/kitchen and a bedroom.

I'm disappointed. I thought there'd be a pool, but instead there's a basketball hoop.

The large driveway goes past the front door and the coolest gorilla topiary.

https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/2315-Alta-Dr-Las-Vegas-NV-89107/112465455_zpid/

#mid century modern homes #colorful homes #houses #house tours #home tour

73 notes · View notes

creads · 6 months ago

Text

⭐️ guilty as sin. fem!reader x esteban kukuriczka

🪐 minha masterlist

» cw: smut! por favor só interaja se for +18! ; sexo desprotegido; breeding kink; um tico de size kink; alusão à infidelidade; sexo oral fem rec.

» wn: (obviamente) baseado em guilty as sin da mamãe taylor! ouvi a música e pensei nesse cenário, e aí acabei escrevendo essa coisa bobinha rapidinho, espero que vocês gostem!! 💐💋💗

—————————————————————————

Lembra-se muito bem do primeiro sonho: Se passava na cozinha da casa que o elenco alugou para comemorar o início das gravações, estava escura, quieta, a única coisa que iluminava o cômodo era a luz do luar que entrava pela porta de vidro que dava de cara para o jardim que vocês tanto riram e beberam durante o dia. Você entrava timidamente no cômodo e deu de cara com Esteban, encostado na bancada com um copo d’água na mão. “Que susto, Kuku…”, você disse, rindo simpática. Ele retribuiu o sorriso e logo começou uma conversa sobre sabe-se lá o que, a lembrança do o tópico se tornou completamente irrelevante quando só conseguia pensar no momento que você tentou alcançar algo na prateleira alta, e Esteban se ofereceu para pegar o objeto, chegando por trás de ti e encostando o corpo no teu. Enquanto Esteban descia lentamente o braço, te olhava com intensidade, e percebia que você contribuía para a tensão palpável que preenchia o recinto, atenta a forma que a luz da lua iluminava a bochecha coradinha e cheia de sardas e como o corpo dele praticamente engolia o seu, de tão maior. Os peitos subiam e desciam rápido ao perceber a distância minúscula entre vocês dois, mas nenhum fez nada para aumentá-la, pelo contrário, se beijaram. O ósculo já começou desesperado, mas ainda lento, Esteban arfava dentro da sua boca enquanto os braços envolviam tua cintura, te puxando para mais perto enquanto uma das mãos grandes descansava na sua bochecha quente, deslizando lentamente até a sua nuca. Interromperam o beijo para só para respirar, inspiravam pesado e expiravam ofegantes, ainda com os narizes encostados, sentindo até o arzinho que saia da cavidade do outro. Não queria abrir os olhos porque sentia que era exatamente do que se tratava - um sonho - e, mesmo assim, não teve nem a oportunidade de retomar o beijo: um barulho vindo da sala assustou vocês dois, fazendo com que Esteban se afastasse, com o olhar hesitante sobre a sua feição, antes de se virar e ir embora.

Talvez o barulho fosse o subconsciente tentando avisar que não era certo pensar assim sobre a pessoa com qual trabalhou junto por quase dois anos, mas isso não era nem de longe o pior da situação: Esteban tinha namorada. A culpa tomava conta do corpo ao pensar que possivelmente o barulho que interrompeu vocês dois fosse ela, indicando o quão errado era imaginar isso. Por mais que a atração sempre estivesse ali desde que se conhecerem, se sentia uma pessoa má, uma pessoa completamente louca. Chegou até a recorrer ao amigo mais próximo de elenco, contando como se sentia mal em ter tido esse sonho, o qual simplesmente assegurou que “Pensamentos ruins não existem, apenas ações falam sobre o seu caráter”. Era difícil reprimir a falsa lembrança dos lábios macios contra os próprios ou como as mãos grandes dele passeavam pelas suas curvas, realizando um desejo que existia desde a primeira semana de filmagem. Se tornou mais difícil ainda depois do próximo sonho.

Nele, vocês dois estavam na sala do apartamento de Esteban, o qual você tinha visitado poucas vezes nas reuniões do elenco que foram lá. Estavam sentados no sofá com um cobertor fofinho que cobria as pernas enquanto assistiam um filme, se refugiavam do frio que fazia em Buenos Aires com ajuda do pedaço de tecido e, principalmente, com o calor vindo do corpo um do outro. Os braços de Esteban te envolviam, conseguiu também ver pela visão periférica que o loiro te encarava, e assim, virou o rosto para ele. “Que foi?”, você perguntou baixinho enquanto admirava o sorriso que se formava nos lábios fininhos, desviando o olhar só para apreciar a beleza dele, como ficava lindo com o cabelo baguncadinho e a barba responsável por te fazer cócegas as vezes, além dos óculos que de alguma forma destacavam mais ainda os olhinhos marrons que te fitavam com tanta adoração. “Filme chato…”, ele disse e chegou o nariz perto do seu, tombando a cabeça para o lado só para encaixar os lábios nos teus, deixando um selinho ali. “Você que me chamou pra ver ele, Kuku…”, você sorria entre os selinhos que cada vez ficavam mais demorados, e sorriu ainda mais quando os beijos desceram até seu pescoço.

“Eu pensei em outra coisa tão melhor pra gente fazer…”, ele dizia enquanto descia cada vez mais pelo seu corpo, deslizando para fora do sofá e agilmente se posicionando de joelhos entre suas pernas, depositando um selinho no seu joelho exposto. “Kuku… O diretor não mandou você ver esse filme?”, você ria baixinho enquanto questionava o loiro que te olhava enquanto beijava sua pele macia, franzindo o cenho e balançando um não com a cabeça ao chegar na barra do seu short de pijama. “Mas do que adianta eu ver esse filme se não vou prestar atenção?”, ele deu de ombros ao falar a frase, se fazia de inocente enquanto enfiava os dedos compridos no cós do seu shortinho e lentamente o retirava, fazendo você suspirar ao sentir beijos molhados sendo depositados na parte interna da sua coxa. “Então presta atenção, boludo…”, você rebateu enquanto fazia carinho nos fios claros e desalinhados, como se não quisesse que ele te devorasse logo. E ele sabia disso, é claro, te conhecia como a palma da mão, sabia que você suspirava assim quando já estava extremamente excitada, sabia também que não resistia quando ele apertava as suas coxas e deixava mordidinhas leves ali, tudo enquanto não tirava os olhos de ti.

“Mas eu quero te chupar, nena…”, o tom de voz era doce, nem parecia que a frase saia da boca de alguém que tanto te provocava. Esteban te lambeu por cima do tecido fininho, lentamente, enquanto ainda te fitava com os olhos marrons por trás das lentes. Admirava o jeito que você mordeu seu inferior e balançou um ‘não’ desacreditado com a cabeça, e principalmente o jeito que seu peito subia e descia mais rápido, com os mamilos marcados na blusa confortável devido ao frio. “Nossa, nem deu pra perceber…”, você disse, espontânea, o distraindo ao fazê-lo rir, e logo se juntando a ele, as risadas baixinhas dos dois preenchiam o cômodo. Ele permaneceu com o rosto pertinho da sua buceta, esfregando até o nariz devagarinho ali, te fazendo arrepiar quando esbarrava no seu pontinho sensível, e ainda mais quando ele, entre sorrisos, deixou mais um beijo molhado por cima do tecido, logo enfiando os dedos no lado da calcinha, arrastando ela para o lado. Te admirava enquanto uma das mãos ficou encarregada de manter a calcinha afastada, expondo sua intimidade já molhada para ele, e como ele ainda ria do seu comentário, passou os dedos livres entre suas dobrinhas, espalhando ainda mais a umidade que você liberava.

Antes mesmo que ele pudesse se afogar no meio das suas pernas, o sonho foi interrompido pelo despertador. Depois disso, o dia inteiro foi um inferno, o banho gelado não conseguia tirar a imagem tão íntima da cabeça; pior ainda quando chegou ao set de gravação, sentia as bochechas arderem só de ouvir a voz que sussurrava coisas sujas no sonho. Desde então, os sonhos ficavam cada vez mais recorrentes, o que por um lado era bom, afinal, esse era o único jeito que conseguia viver esse amor impossível: na imaginação.

O mais recente se diferenciou dos outros pelo fato de vocês - aparentemente - já estarem juntos, os toques e os beijos afetuosos não eram novidade para nenhum dos dois, que entrelaçavam as pernas e as mãos por baixo dos lençóis, enquanto a luz do sol entrava pela cortina, iluminando levemente o cômodo “Só mais uns minutinhos, Kuku…”, você dizia enquanto beijava o rostinho sonolento do homem, arrastando o nariz pela barba falhadinha que exalava o cheiro do seu sabonete facial. “Nena… Você sabe que não vão ser só minutinhos…”, enquanto ele te advertia, as mãos grandes apertavam sua coxa e subiam lentamente até sua bunda exposta, uma vez que você usava apenas uma camisa dele e uma calcinha. “Dale, amor… Tô com saudade…”, seus beijos desciam até o pescoço e você jogava a perna até o lado oposto do quadril do homem, se posicionando no colo dele e mexendo devagarinho para frente, o permitindo sentir a calcinha quente e já molhada contra a ereção, só coberta pela bermuda de moletom. Sua língua entrava devagarinho na boca do loiro, que sorria contra o beijo, fazendo você copiá-lo ao sentir os dedos compridos descerem pelos seus corpos cada vez mais, e sem muita enrolação, abaixando o cós da bermuda e logo depois chegando sua calcinha para o lado. Esteban gemeu um “Hmm…” baixinho em satisfação ao sentir o quão molhada você estava, antes mesmo de firmar a base do pau e te afundar nele. E quando finalmente fez isso, os dois gemeram, as bocas que formavam um ‘o’ perfeitinho contra a outra, só se desfazendo para darem um sorriso preguiçoso, completamente em sincronia. Você - que nunca se cansava do jeito que ele te preenchia como ninguém - afundou o rosto na curva do pescoço dele enquanto gemia baixinho ao sentir as mãos grandes agarrando sua bunda, fazendo você subir e descer no comprimento do membro.

“Acho tão bonitinho você desesperadinha assim por mim, amor… Te comi a noite toda ontem e você ainda quer mais, não é?”, ele sussurrava no seu ouvido entre gemidos. “Sorte a sua que eu não consigo resistir essa bucetinha gostosa, nena… Deixa eu te encher de porra de novo, hm? Só pra ter certeza que coloquei um filhinho dentro de você? Hm?”

Ao acordar, sentia o corpo pesado, molhado de suor até. Era tudo tão real… Não conseguia evitar em olhar para o teto e se sentir mal. Se sentir mal em desejar que esses sonhos fossem ainda mais recorrentes. Pior ainda por, na verdade, desejar que eles se tornassem realidade: o jeito que você chupava os dedos compridos, que ele agarrava seus peitos e que beijava seu pescoço. Até as juras de amor, como era bom externalizar que te amava e te queria para sempre sem sentir culpa nenhuma. Afinal, com você em cima dele e ele dentro de você, se esvaziando todinho na sua buceta que cada vez mais o apertava, não tinha problema nenhum falar isso. Bem, era a realidade, no sonho.

Já na vida real, Esteban olhava fixamente para o teto do quarto escuro enquanto ouvia a respiração baixinha da mulher ao lado. Soltou um ar pesado que segurava nos pulmões ao sentir a culpa novamente tomar conta do seu corpo, já que a protagonista dos sonhos dele estava longe de ser a namorada deitada ao lado, a qual dormia tranquilamente. Não, a estrela dos sonhos era você, a amiga de elenco que fazia com que fosse cada vez mais difícil de ver as fotos que você postava nas suas redes sociais: já trabalhando em um filme novo, de volta no Brasil. Ou pior ainda quando pegava o celular de madrugada e mexia na própria galeria de fotos enquanto fumava na varanda do apartamento que dividia com a outra mulher, perdendo até noção do tempo ao ver as fotos do elenco que você aparecia, ou os vídeos que registravam sua risada e seu jeitinho que o encantou desde a primeira vez que colocou os olhos em ti. Será que você já tinha tido sonhos assim com ele? Ou talvez, será que sonhava acordada que nem ele as vezes? Será que você pensava tanto nele quanto ele em você?

— Esteban? Estás despierto? — A voz baixinha e sonolenta da mulher ao lado interrompeu os pensamentos do homem. A frustração que o corpo inquieto demonstrava deve ter acordado ela, ou o suspiro que deu enquanto pensava em você.

— Aham.

— ¿Qué pasó? — Ela perguntou ainda virada de costas para ele.

— Nada, solo un sueño. Pero no te molestas, ya me voy a dormir.

—————————————————————————

» wn2: ihihihi 🤭🤭 confissão: o que me animou de escrever isso foi o plot dos sonhos serem dele e não da leitora espero que tenha surpreendido!! se não, por favor finjam! e ai KKKKKKKKKK JUROOO que eu pensei nisso e fiquei assim okayyy its giving camila shakespeare lispector 😛😛😛 mas aí lembrei que vi isso em bridgerton e aí pensei ata daí que veio essa ideia 😆😆 muito silly da minha parte mas enfim, gostaram?? novamente minhas lobinhas swifties this one is for you!!! obrigada por terem lido até aqui!!! amo amo amo vocês 💋💋✨

#cwrites #esteban kukuriczka smut #esteban kukuriczka x reader #esteban kukuriczka #lsdln x reader #lsdln cast #lsdln smut

107 notes · View notes

lucca-strangee · 10 months ago

Text

[Uma thread informativa a todos! <3]

𝕄𝕒𝕔𝕣𝕠𝕤 𝕖 𝕄ú𝕤𝕔𝕦𝕝𝕠𝕤💪🏻

[A] Carboidratos:

Principal combustível utilizado pelo corpo como fonte de energia. É ele que vai te fazer aguentar correr, respirar, treinar e etc.

Ele pode ser divididos em dois tipos: carboidratos simples e carboidratos complexos.

— Carboidratos Simples:

São digeridos de forma rápida, produz a sensação de fome com facilidade. Elevam o índice glicemico (famoso pico de energia).

Exemplos = qualquer fast food, açúcares, doces em geral, bolos, massas, etc.

— Carboidrato Complexo:

São absorvidos mais lentamente, promovem sensação maior de saciedade, ajuda o organismo a processar melhor as vitaminas e proteínas. Ricos em nutrientes.

Exemplos = batata doce, arroz integral, vegetais em geral, aveia, feijões, ervilhas, lentilhas, etc.

[B] Proteínas:

Repõe a energia que foi gasta, aumenta e reconstrói o tecido muscular.

Proteína após o treino sempre! Quando você treina, seus músculos ficam "machucados" pelas contrações, a proteína ajudar a "sarar" o seu corpinho pós treino.

Mas, lembrem-se: nem toda proteína é limpa!

A proteína será considerada "suja": quando vier acompanhada de muito sódio e gordura saturada. Evite a proteína que vem de embutidos!

Exemplos: salsichas, nuggets, carnes fritas, e etc.

— Proteína limpa: peito de frango, atum, tilapia, soja, ovo, grão de bico e etc.

[C] Gorduras:

Fonte importante de energia (dá um gás para a contração muscular), promovem saciedade, produção de ácido biliar (essencial na digestão), ajuda na produção de hormônios.

Evitem passar de 15g de gordura saturada por dia, pois, assim como o carboidrato, nem toda gordura é boa!

— Gorduras limpas: oleaginosas, ovo, peixes, abacate, coco, chocolate amargo e etc.

— Gorduras saturadas: todas as porcarias que você imaginar ☠️ manteiga, miojo, salsicha, pastel, nutella, sorvetes e etc.

-----------------------------------------------

• O que leva a perda de músculos?

Simples, dietas altamente restritivas e o porquê disso é simples:

Poucas proteínas provocam perda de massa muscular!!

Como expliquei antes, é a proteína que ajuda na construção e manutenção dos músculos, logo, a falta de proteína reflete diretamente na perca dos mesmos!

Aliás, a restrição total de carboidratos também contribuem pra essa perda!!

Mesmo que o carboidrato não ajude no tecido muscular, ele é a principal fonte de energia do corpo, logo, se você consome pouco ou nada, o corpo vai buscar energia em outras fontes, consequentemente queimará músculo.

-----------------------------------------------

• Já respondendo uma outra pergunta que muitos fazem: Academia não vai te fazer crescer!!

É simplesmente IMPOSSÍVEL ganhar músculo com você fazendo alta restrição.

Você vai no máximo desmaiar por não comer carboidratos suficiente e não ter energia pra terminar uma sequência de exercícios!!

• E respondendo a mesma pergunta só que ao contrário: Você não vai hipertrofiar (ganhar músculo) comendo tão pouco!!

Multiplica seu peso por 1,6-2g e o total é a quantidade de proteína, em gramas, que você tem que consumir por dia pra ter PELO MENOS uma definição.

Pra ganhar músculo mesmo (hipertrofiar) é de 1,8-2,4g de proteína por quilo. Tem que comer a mais que a TMB e fazer musculação. Faz o cálculo que com o resultado você verá o porquê eu digo que é impossível ganhar músculo comendo 500 kcal!!

-----------------------------------------------

[Parte dessa thread não é de minha autoria, foi inspirado na thread de um querido do twt que entrou em rec e desativou, então não tenho link do perfil ou da thread original !]

Espero ter esclarecido todas as dúvidas e acabado com suas paranóias.

Beijinhos <3

83 notes · View notes

unwarranted-opinions · 5 months ago

Text

Book Recs Based on TV Shows

If you like Avatar The Last Airbender then you might enjoy reading So Let Them Burn!

So Let Them Burn is a fantasy YA book written by Kamilah Cole following the point of view of two sisters trying to save their country and each other.

What happens to the child hero after the major battle is over? Where does their story go from there? Faron Vincent was gifted the powers of the gods to defeat the dragon-riding Langley Empire and free her island of San Irie at only the age of 12. And at 12 years old she freed her island. But now what? It's been five years since, she has all the powers of the gods and nothing to do with them. From what the queen asks of her it seems Faron is now just given the powers to remind other nations of San Irie's threat and preform party tricks at peace summits.

Elara is Faron's older sister and has always been in the shadow of her saint sister. Together she ran away with Faron to fight Langley Empire. After her island is freed, Elara is nervous that her name will be lost to history while her sister's name is praised as legend. This all changes when at the peace summit Elara gets bonded to a Langley dragon and it's rider, a bond only breakable by death.

Reeve Warwick is Elara's best friend, the son of the leader of the Langley Empire, and the Langley Empire's biggest traitor. He risked his life to give crucial information to the San Irie army that changed the war, now he lives in San Irie when the people still hate him for sharing a face with the people who enslaved them for decades, even worse people think he might be a spy. Faron doesn't even trust him, but to save her sister she has to work with him.

Queen Aveline was a normal farm girl till Faron was told by the gods to find her. Aveline's parents have given her up for her protection, but after their death Aveline was forced into the role of queen at only 16. Queen was not a job Aveline was prepared for, especially in a country recovering from war with threats everywhere and war still on the horizon.

Will the political challenges of the nation and this sisterly bond bring the world down or will Faron and Elara be able to save their country and each other.

BTW: This is part of a series and only the first book is out so if you can't read incomplete series then I don't suggest reading this one.

Here is my character comparison to ALTA (because I couldn't stop thinking about while reading) Faron: If Toph was the avatar rather than Aang. Elara: Sokka. Reeve: Zuko. Queen Aveline: Katara.

#books #queer books #ya books #fantasy books #new books #sapphic books #lgbt books #books and reading #avatar the last airbender #atla #zuko #katara #so let them burn #dragon #fantasy #kamilah cole #avatar fandom

11 notes · View notes

ricardian-werewolf · 8 months ago

Text

Chapter 2: When I am King, you will be first against the wall.

Ao3 Link

Song rec for this chapter;

Not Yet/Love Run, by the Amazing Devil. Summary:

What happens the morning after an epic meltdown from the Sankta Sol? Healing, a chance at newfound hope, and a whole lot of information on botany and embroidery.

Word count: 5,629.

Notes: Title taken from Paranoid Android by Radiohead - specifically the line that @rovinglemon always loves. TWs: None.

Chapter below the cut:

--------------******---------

Alina’s eyes blinked open. She squinted at her surroundings, at the dark green curtains of velvet with their corded ties. The bed she was tucked into certainly wasn’t her own. Alina’s fingers instinctively twitched, to summon even a bare flicker of light. Yet, the hunger remained unfulfilled.

Exhaustion and misery filled her, and she flopped back down in the bed, turning away. She slipped under the sheets warmed by her own body’s heat and drew them over her. Cocooning herself made the most sense - for what good could she do? She was naught but a broken orphan girl.

Even her cartography skills had been torn from her hands. That last thought stilled the spiral of her thoughts, however - she was not naught but a broken orphan girl. She’d been a soldier longer than she’d been Grisha. Her allegiance was owed first and foremost to Ravka, not to Mal or to Nikolai, but to the state. She could still draw a fucking map.

Alina’s golden eyes narrowed in the dim light, and she parted the tented curtains of the four-poster bed to reveal the rest of what was certainly Nikolai’s bedchamber. He was long gone, of course, but a note rested on the love-seat of green velvet under the bed’s baseboard. Alina’s slender fingers reached for it, and she broke the sapphire blue seal.

To my dear friend, Sankta, lover….

Alina,

I’ve taken the liberty of leaving you undisturbed in my chambers for the night. Please don’t even dare to think that this is a debt to be repaid, lovely. Most certainly not. I spent a most splendid night on the couch, and while my back may hate me for the next decade, I slept easy knowing you would be safe.

Dominik the Bold, my dearest and oldest of friends, and coincidentally also a First Army Major in the 22nd, has elected made himself available to you. While he is my right-hand, I hope he shall be a confidant for you. The man with him, no doubt there now, is Isaak, my valet. He’ll be sure to provide you with my whereabouts, whenever you read this.

Please feel free to avail yourself of anything in my wardrobe if it suits you - yes, I know that robe of mine you’ve adopted will no doubt be part of your trousseau - I hope that some other clothes make it there as well. Either way, what is mine is also yours.

Your devoted princeling,

Kolya,

Nikolai L.

Alina’s smile grew as she traced her name in his slender hand, which in Ravkan reminded her of the strokes of a pen on a map, titling Os Alta or Amhrat Jen. That kind of handwriting had to have been trained into him. She had an almost innate sense that normally Nikolai’s handwriting would’ve been on-par with David’s.

Alina’s fingers reached for the green satin robe that she’d become so attached to when they were in Os Alta, and she drew it over her shoulders. Belting it in a knot, she padded over to the door, and pushed the handle down. It swung open with a low click. The nagging fear of him locking her in dissipated.

Standing by the fireplace was a man, dressed immaculately in his First Army major’s field uniform, the hussar-style frogging on his chest was dim, even in the light in the Anbaric lamp at his shoulder. His hair was so dark brown as to be black, along with his eyes.

Alina had a sneaking suspicion this was Dominik. The younger lad at Dominik’s left, clad in the First Army uniform is a lieutenant in the infantry, was Isaak. Bubbly and prone to speaking several languages - both facts Alina had found on the back of Nikolai’s letter - she straightened.

“Major, Lieutenant. Good morning. Niko-The Tsarevich had the good fortune to inform me of your names.” she smiled, watching both men with slightly widened eyes. Innocence rolled off her in waves. She needed to be steel.

Penance, Sankta.

Alina imagined drowning the Apparat in a vat of Malmsey wine, a feat she’d not been able to do last night. Maybe breakdowns in Nikolai Lantsov’s private solar was a roundabout way to being cured of this lingering madness in her mind.

“General,” Dominik bowed his head, and Alina realized with a welcome jolt, that Nikolai had given Dominik her rank as head of the Second Army. Power still lay in her hands, even if she couldn’t summon it.

Isaak saluted her cheerfully, a grin cracking his face like a fine vase. Alina smiled, straightened her back. “At ease, gentlemen. Now, Major Lantsov informed me that Isaak would be willing to show me where his commanding officer is?”

Isaak nodded, crab-walking over to Alina’s side with pure joy written clear across his face. Knowing Dominik and Isaak, they’d probably heard a lot about her from Nikolai. Part of her felt shy about it, but their open smiles and easy, relaxed presence, put her at ease. These were men she could trust, who’d not sell her out at the first opportunity.

“Yes, general. However the major did advise that you might wish to change first,” Dominik answered, his gaze averted slightly. The lack of an urge to ogle her was a welcome relief. Alina moved the collars of the bedrobe tighter, just to be safe, but she slipped her hands into the pockets as a compromise.

“Major Lantsov left out clothes for you in the bathing chamber in the room to the left of the bed. Let me know once you’re done, and we can go,” Isaak beamed, then added a hasty: “General, ma’am.”

“The two of you may call me Alina. You’re as much the Major’s friends as mine.” Alina smiled as she looked at the two-gobsmacked men, and swept off to change. Crossing the bedroom, she slipped through a white oak door to a bathing chamber that had her jaw hitting the marble floor.

This was decadent. The main centerpiece of the bathing chamber was the massive claw-foot bathtub that overlooked the Elbjen mountains in all their snow-capped glory. The window was huge, in a rose style, stained with a kaleidoscope of glass in a rainbow of colors. It belonged in a church, if anything. But, Alina suspected, the window was as much for Nikolai as it was for her. She noted the wash-basin, marble. The floors were like all the others in the Spinning Wheel, heated by those boilers below her feet. The curtains around the tub provided privacy and there was even a window seat with a nook for books. The ceiling above her head was painted to look like the night sky, complete with all the accurate constellations, and the walls around her were painted to be a sea on a calm summer morning. The teal and blue accents on the back-splash over the sink made for quite the charming addition.

She could almost see Nikolai occupying the space, stretched out in the tub with his feet tucked up over the edge, a book in his perfectly manicured hands. The little strands of his hair, damp with warm water curling into an adorable frizz…

Alina shook her head, groaned, and went over to perform her morning ablutions. Nikolai had seen to have Genya tell him what Alina liked, and she was most grateful for it. Her toilette of hair-brush, toothbrush and paste, some Grisha Fabrikator creams for her face, all of it had been meticulously arranged. On a shelf by the garde-robe, her familiar olive Second Army uniform waited.

Slipping off the robe, Alina adjusted her chemise and drawers, and hoped that Genya had left out a corset. Upon finding it to be the case, she grabbed her boots from next to the garde-robe curtain, and slipped them on, pausing to lace each boot up. The stockings she slid on before them were secured with a garter. She wrapped the corset around her body and locked the hooks and eyes into place, then tightened the corset to her desired degree, and tied the ribbons. Technically she could have worn a girdle under the corset to allow her to fasten the stockings, but she preferred ribbons or the elastic garters. From there, standing, she reached for a light cotton petticoat, then over it went two woolen petticoats. Over that went the velvet woven skirt. Her shirtwaist was tucked into the belt of the skirt, and the suspenders snapped cleanly into place. The tunic with its hussar frogging and the braid, buttoned neatly up to her neck.

Alina stepped back over to the mirror on the washbasin, combed her hair out and began to braid her hair. By creating a hole in the top of the braid, she was able to tuck it all in, and then pinned the straggling strands in place with u-shaped pins. Admiring her visage for a second, she neatly hung the satin robe on the back of the bathing chamber’s door, and headed out, closing the door behind her.

Her boots tapped on the hardwood floor and she smiled at Isaak and Dominik once again as they noted her come in. Dominik was quick to hand her a cup of tea and a few pastries. “Apologies for the lateness of the breakfast, ma’a-” he smiled. “-Alina.” he looked sheepish.

Alina grinned.

“It’s alright, Major. No ill will.” She focused her gaze on Isaak. “Now, mind leading me to see Major Lantsov, Lieutenant?”

He gave her a snappy salute, opened the door of the room for her, and led her through a series of long, tapestry decked hallways. “These were the monastery’s old foundations. The rooms that you had, up above, were the rooms Major Lantsov added in first. He started from the top above and worked his way down. At that point in the renovations, he’d gotten very obsessed with the idea of Fabikrated glass structures. We’ve even got a greenhouse.” Isaak explained as they passed a series of map-rooms filled with various 22nd soldiers, Grisha, and former smugglers. Alina caught sight of Zoya and Mal discussing things with Colonel Raevksy.

Her stomach twinged. People would be gossiping. She’d not been in her room. It’d been 3 bells or later when she’d entered Nikolai’s rooms, and it was veering towards 12 now. She counted backwards. 9 hours in his room. Enough time for quite the rumor mill to begin turning. She silenced those thoughts with a sticky pastry filled with blackberry jam and washed it down with tea.

She was just glad it wasn’t pickled herring. Now that there was something in the black-hole of her stomach, Alina’s eyes returned to roving the halls. The tapestries weren’t, she was surprised to find, histories of Ravka. They were medieval European pieces of various mythical beasts of Ravka. Of course, the Firebird mid-flight, claws out to tear someone to pieces. The Stag, antlers gleaming in the moonlight, and Rusayle glared down at her from their flanking positions near the iron-box.

“He’s in the greenhouse. Tending to quite the plant, I believe.” Isaak explained as he shut the grille and the box rose up, and up. The blackberry pastry settled in her stomach. Being sick now was going to be quite the feat.

Isaak slid the grille aside, and stopped. “He’s just through the double-glass doors.” He saluted her, slid the grille shut again, and cranked the lever. He was gone before she could even blink. Alina watched the box descend, and turned back to the double glass doors.

The wall of the greenhouse facing the iron box was made of costly paned glass. Alina’s fingers paused on the cool metal handles. A part of her twinged in fear. What did Isaak mean by “quite the plant?” She hoped it wasn’t something dangerous. It’d do her no good to see Nikolai and be tended by him, only to lose him from a wayward rose thorn.

Get in there, Alina.

She settled her shoulders, and pushed the doors inwards. The temperature was warm, clammy. It reminded her of the summer nights at Kermazin, when she couldn’t sleep as a child. She unbuttoned her tunic and draped it over her shoulders, using the collar piece to hold it in place. The floor under her feet was red-brick with white seams, and the plants around her flourished with life. Summer cherries, apples, all kinds of fruits. Blossoming trees surrounded the space in a fragrance she’d not smelt in months. Not since the Little Palace. There was a whole wing of the greenhouse she noted as she passed it, sealed off in a heavy glass door with a dial-setting. The plants in there glowed with a strange luminance. No doubt for the Healers and Fabrikators.

“Nikolai?” she called out, disliking the uneasy silence.

“Alina! Over here!” Nikolai answered. Suddenly, there was a large, animalistic growl of some creature, and a wet squelch. Then, a purr broke the cacophony. “Good girl, you had me worried for a second…” she heard Nikolai murmur. Alina’s face turned puzzled as she rounded a bend. That puzzlement turned to horror, as she spotted a massive green plant with leaves and writhing tentacles sink her teeth into Nikolai’s hand.

“Nikolai!” she shrieked.

Nikolai grinned. “It’s all fine, Alina. Don’t shout, you’ll frighten her.” He murmured, turning back to the massive plant. He opened his hand and the monster released its grip, leaving his hand unharmed. Whatever was in his hand was swallowed by the monster.

“Her?” “Audrey.” Nikolai corrected, stepping over to scratch the plant’s leafy underside. Alina could only watch in shock, and horror. Her mouth opened and closed like a gasping fish, and she shook her head. “It has a name?!”

“She has a name. And don’t worry, she’s perfectly harmless. I was worried she wasn’t eating, so I’ve been coaxing her to take smaller bites of meat for the past few hours.”

“Meat.” Alina replied, still in a state of shock. “Fine. What is she?” She cocked her head to one side. Her simple education at Keramzin hadn’t covered botany, nor had her studies as a Sun Summoner. No one really dealt with plants when one was an Etheralki. Corporalki did, albeit in a limited sense since they were healers and were responsible for the body. Materialki were the most well-associated, especially Alkemi.

“A venus fly trap.” Nikolai replied cheerfully as Audrey let out another purr and let Nikolai examine her teeth. Alina noted the heavy blacksmiths apron he wore, and gloves. A thought overtook her suddenly. “Is this greenhouse… yours?”

He nodded without looking up. “I’ve planted everything here, tended to it. The greenhouse used to be where the hangar is now, before I figured out how to not crash my airships. Those were the days.” his eyebrows furrowed as he poked a finger into Audrey’s pot-soil.

“And how did you acquire… Audrey?” The name felt foreign on Alina’s tongue, but she pushed past it, forcing herself to look the plant in the eye. Audrey snaked out a vine, probed Alina’s booted foot, and yanked.

“Audrey…” Nikolai growled. “She’s not for eating.”

“But she’s so tasty!” the plant wailed as Alina was dangled upside down in front of the plant’s gaping mouth. “I could gobble her up!”

“Audrey, put her down, gently!”

The plant growled, then began whimpering. “I’m starvin, Nik!”

“I fed you a whole steak a mere bell-toll ago, and yet!” Nikolai shook his head in fond exasperation. “No, Audrey, you’re just a jealous little beastie, mm?” he calmly knelt at Alina’s feet and gripped the vine tight.

“Now, let go.” the princely mask slipped to become a general’s harsh command, and the vine slackened. Alina’s feet drew close to her chest and her face was full of ill-concealed fear. “W-was she really going to eat me?” Alina gasped.

“Of course not. She’s just in a bad mood because I ‘neglected’ her by not feeding her when she woke up. She’s like a house cat - one that could eat 4 fully grown men and still complain at me.” He noted Alina’s white face and rushed to add: “She doesn’t eat people… I supplement her diet with plants.”

“Cannibalism,” Audrey growled.

“And she just lives here?! W-what if she got out, somehow?”

Nikolai raised a brow. “She’d be very remiss to move from the green house. She’s a spoiled plant, and going outside even for a minute would give her frost so bad, she’d die. Which will not be happening.” He examined the belt at his waist and reached for a spray bottle.

Audrey hissed like an angered cat.

“Auds, it’s not for you, it’s for the hydrangeas.” Nikolai’s left brow rose in a mock confusion. He examined a sapphire blue blossom, and beckoned Alina over. “I got these in France as seedlings. They’re from the Normandy region.” His gaze softened as he stroked the petals with a hesitant finger.

“In the language of flowers they mean heartless, or frigid. Suppose that makes sense as for why Vasily made them his heraldic flower…” Nikolai’s fingers tensed around a petal, which tore under the pressure. “Some wealthy courtesan in Careyeva got it in his head, one summer.”

The ache of losing his older brother, even if he’d still been an ass intent on hanging onto the throne by his claws, haunted Nikolai. Alina’s fingers gingerly reached for his linen-clad arm, and she noted the lightly blue dyed shirt he wore. This one had little sea-serpent scales embroidered on the cuffs and tiny suns on the wide collar tabs that ended in a V covered by the apron’s front.

“Sea-whip scales?”

“I..” Nikolai looked down at the cuffs and blushed scarlet. “An embroidery project…” he rubbed at the back of his neck with his hand. Hives were going to erupt any second.

“Nikolai..” Alina held the wrist closest to her in her tiny hands - her thumb and first finger couldn’t even touch around the expanse of skin and linen. She realized that the cuffs also had tiny lace frippy bits at the edges.

“You embroidered them? That’s…”

Unmanly, feminine, too much, too weird. Nikolai’s mind was becoming quite the self-hating space, and he gulped as Alina opened her mouth again.

“Amazing. The details!” She held his wrist up to the light, noting the sea-whip’s scales were actually just the whole beast. The little ruby buttons were Rusalye’s eyes. The thread was probably silver with hints of gold-work. The beautiful work made the scales shimmer and dance in the Anbaric light from lanterns strung through the greenhouse over their heads.

“Don’t be daft..” his lip wobbled.

“I shall be,” she replied, noting the suns on the collar of his shirt. “Why so small? This is art, Nikolai.”

“It’s not respectable for a prince to embroider… though soldiers do have to learn how to sew if they plan to fix any of their clothes…” Nikolai’s head turned away, and Alina reached up to touch his chin as she’d done the night before, drawing his gaze back to hers.

“I can’t sew for the life of me, Nikolai, and embroidery was more my mangling the fabric than anything respectable. Your sewing, your gardening… All of this makes you more complex, more you. I wouldn’t change that for all of the gold in Ravka’s coffers.”

Nikolai blinked, chewed his lip. If he cried now, here, he’d die of shame. He’d not cried since Halmhend. Well… he had wept over the loss of the Little Palace, and again when he’d learned of Alina’s return from the Apparat’s grasp.

He just hadn’t cried today.

Alina’s hand touched his cheek again, and his composure broke. Sniffling, he pulled her to him and buried his face in her alabastar-white hair. He felt her arms snake around his stomach and run up and down his back, which all in all made him cry harder.

Alina glared daggers at Audrey, who had gone stonily silent. A vine snaked across the brick and mulched ground and yanked over a wicker chaise long, then gently nudged Alina and Nikolai to sit. All without Alina losing her grip on Nikolai’s back. If she did, she had a feeling he’d shatter.

He sat with a soft thump and instinctively sank back until he was lying down. Alina was compressed on top of him, and stretched out to accommodate. She took his tear-soaked face in her hands and gently kissed his forehead, his eyelids, and traced her lips down his cheeks.

“Let it out, love.” She murmured, blushing as his hands wrapped tight around her and his nose burrowed into the crook of his neck. Judging by the sounds of his sobs, he’d not cried properly for a long while. Probably barely even ever been soothed.

Alina wondered about that childhood nanny he’d mentioned the night before. What’d happened to her? She set her question aside for later, and returned to fisting her fingers in Nikolai’s curls as he stained her tunic collar with his tears. She should really be sitting up with his head in her lap, but she feared moving him.

Their size difference hadn’t ever really been an issue. As small and slight as she was, Alina was able to take up quite a lot of space in Nikolai’s life when the need called for it. A part of her fretted he’d be hurt by Morozova’s antlers poking out through the collar of her tunic, and she grumbled.

Nikolai whimpered, and she gently kissed his temple to soothe him.

“No, love, not you.” she breathed, tears pooling in her own eyes. Salty and hot, they flowed down her face. What were these blasted things worth if she couldn’t summon the sun? Her morning felt like it’d come full circle. Once more, her value rested on her ability to conjure what humanity had been doing for milenia.

You’re a soldier. Get off your high horse and put what Nikolai needs before you. He needs you, so act up to the challenge.

“You’re crying..” He sniffled. “W-was it me?” His voice cracked.

“No,” Alina breathed. “I was worried you’d get poked by the antlers.” A hesitant smile cracked her stoic expression.

“Oh,” Nikolai sniffed. He fought to keep a grin off his face. He looked so like the little boy she’d glimpsed the night before, that she couldn’t help but say the same words he’d said to her when she’d shut down.

“D-don’t shut me out, Kolya. Please,” she breathed.

He hummed something, and ducked his head. “I wouldn’t dream of it… Sunshine.” his voice wobbled. He scrubbed his eyes and settled back. Alina’s eyes locked with his, and she traced a finger down his cheek, tilting his chin.

“I mean it.” She looked at him with something harder than steel in her gaze, but it tempered itself. “You said it so yourself - ‘love makes no sense to those swimming in its tide. Yet, it’s a tide that brings you home when you need it the most, a tide that keeps you buoyant when storms rock your craft. It would never turn against you.’ I would never leave you to drown.”

Nikolai hiccuped, tried to hide his vulnerability behind one of his masks, but he relented. If he was going to be honest with her, he had to show her the prince behind the act. The boy who ran off at 16 with Dominik. The boy who did correspondence with Zemeni gunsmiths and Fjerdan shipbuilders to make himself into who he was as Sturmhond. The princeling who pulled the puppeteer’s strings to save Ravka from his own family. He sighed.

“And I you.” He whispered. “There’s… more.”

She tilted her head.

“More embroidery.”

Alina nodded, and settled back so that she wouldn’t crush his ribs and puncture a vital organ. It wasn’t much like she could, weighing merely 100 pounds soaking wet. But it was better to be safe than convicted of regicide.

“The tapestries outside my room, near the elevators. I said to Mal once how my inventions were all around the Volkvolny. I built her. But not just the ship. The curtains. The embroidery on my clothes, the tapestries hanging in the old infirmary, all of it.”

His gaze hardened.

“Was made with my hands. It… soothed me when my moods got the worst of me. When I couldn’t sit still in class even with Dominik there to keep me in line, I learned to embroider. Mainly when I was in my mother’s salon, she would often be embroidering.”

He leaned closer to her as Alina’s fingers traced over a jagged scar on his pristine nose. “Her embroidery looks like a soldier took to needlepoint. It’s tragic. Fjerdan women are kept much like pretty birds, and that embroidery is a sign of marital status.”

He cocked his head to one side, and a slow, secretive smile danced across his face. “Did you know that a Fjerdan woman’s marriageability is wholly dependent on her needlework skills?”

“Is it now?” Alina hummed, stroking his chin with her fingers. She wanted to kiss him again, to make him feel as safe as she had when she’d crawled into his lap. “Is that the only thing that a husband wants?”

“Well, it’s a determinant on how well they can keep house and if they’ve been schooled in it. Often the woman gives her partner a sort of sampler with certain flowers determining what she will bring to the marriage. There’s a system of meanings depending on the sampler’s weave, the linen’s strength, and so on. Richer girls use silk thread. In the Ice court, the sampler - I’ve seen one - was all gold and silver thread studded with sapphires in the style of the white ash tree in the Ice Court.”

“Who receives the samplers, if they’re for the man?”

Nikolai’s expression softened. “Normally, they’re placed over the household hearth. Before that, the courting season is notoriously complex.” He paused. “Are you certain you want me to continue?”

She nodded. “I don’t mind you talking about this.” She kissed his knuckles, and smiled at the grin that shot across his face, shattering the fragile calm he emulated.

“A man intending to court must ask for a chaperoned walk with his intended, dine thrice with the woman’s family before they’re allowed to be alone with one another - I believe to determine the man’s… intentions.” Nikolai’s brows furrowed. “Though it does call into question what would happen if something happened after they were alone.”

He shook his head, and continued; “Men bring their intended gifts of winter roses and a silver comb for their hair.”

Alina blinked. “That sounds… almost… too simplistic. I mean, traditional. Who makes the offer of courtship?”

“The man. They have to ask the woman’s parents before anything can go forward. Not like us…” His cheeks flooded crimson and he rushed to amend himself, but Alina put a finger to his lips. “Well, I have no parents to ask, and we’re basically essentially engaged in the eyes of everyone else.”

Nikolai rolled his eyes. “The rumors grow long tongues.” his gaze turned impish. “Not that I suspect you’d mind, sunshine?”

Alina snorted, blinked. “I’d mind much if the man I was engaged to left me bereft of gifts.” she said without thinking through what she meant. A blush colored her cheeks suddenly.

Nikolai stared at her. “Do you mean that?”

“Engaged?” she stared back.

He nodded, slowly. “I… I intended this to be a political match. No feelings…”

Her heart squeezed tight against her ribs. No, no, this wasn’t a political match. It’d never been, for her. She’d certainly been torn between Mal and Nikolai, but Mal was a brother. He’d make a poor lover, and his demeaning commentary always put her on edge.

“I-” she breathed. “No, wait. I worded that wrong. I never wanted it to be a political match.” she whispered.

“Never?” He breathed.

“Never.”

Nikolai’s eyes blew wide, the hazel swallowed by his pupils. His fingers reached once more for the hand on his cheek and he brought it to his lips, kissing each of her fingers in turn. “Oh, Sunshine..” He whimpered. “Why did you never say so? I’d have given you the world so much sooner.”

She laughed.

“Perhaps I wanted to wait. Besides… I was too corroded by my feelings about Mal, raising the Second Army, and then the White Cathedral made me realize how foolish I’d been. You… you’ve been the only one to actually get me, under the Sankta imagery. I’m just a poor girl from an orphanage, and you saw that… and you embraced it.”

“And you are the only to understand the wounded boy I am.” He murmured, tracing a calloused thumb over her gentle knuckles. His smile was fragile, like the first sunlight of spring. A change, a welcome one.

“Then let’s be our true selves with one another. No masks, no Saints or princes.” She gripped his hand in hers, and smiled properly for the first time in that long morning.

He grinned and kissed her softly. Off to the side, they heard the sounds of weeping, and both cast their glances to Audrey, who was wiping the spots where her eyes would be with her large, waxen fronds.

“So poetic!” She bawled.

Alina wanted to laugh, but instead she smiled again. “She’s a bit dramatic.”

Nikolai winked. “The best are.” He patted down his waistcoat pockets and then looked at her suddenly. “There’s something I’d like to give you.”

Alina’s breath fluttered as Nikolai retrieved a simple velvet box. Tears pooled in their ducts and she blinked furiously as she slipped off him and knelt by his head. He sat up, swung his legs over the side of the chaise and got to his knees beside her. “Oh..” Alina breathed. “Isn’t this unusual.”

Nikolai winked, and flipped the box open. There, glittering in the bright winter sunlight, was an emerald the size of a quail’s egg, surrounded by tiny stars of diamonds. The ring was gold, made most likely by skilled Shu-han jewelers, and costing what she amounted to as several Ravkan duchies.

“The Lantsov Emerald?”

“A queen’s jewel, Alina.” Nikolai murmured. “Every Lantsov queen has worn the emerald since my ancestor, Yaromir, took the throne and reunited the warring provinces. Three centuries.” He examined it.

He’s terrified that you’ll reject his suit Her mind hissed. Alina paid it every heed in this moment, and she gently reached up to touch his hand.

Nikolai shook himself out of a trance, and he smiled sheepishly. “Will you stay at my side, my queen? Be my general, my first mate, my Sol Koroleva?” he whispered. “Will you, Alina Starkov, be my wife?”

Alina had read a lot of romance novels as a child. Stories of golden-haired princes rescuing hapless princesses. When she’d gotten older, she’d devoured Ravkan myths, Greek tragedies, men burdened by their hubris and struck down by the Gods or Saints. All of these poor, poor people. But what was love if not to be submerged in a tide too strong to tread alone?

She’d thought love was too far out of reach for a poor girl like her. Never truly considered it. She’d dreamt of it, as any girl did. Hopelessly in love with fair-haired princes in her storybooks, boys who were good and kind and virtuous. Boys who did not set fire and chaos mayhem, boys who didn’t make friends with their whipping-boy. Boys who did not become men who ran away from court at 16 to serve in the First Army with their former whipping boy.

And yet, Alina had fallen for a golden-haired prince. A tsarevich who built boats of wood and screws, who knew the sea as well as any battlefield. He was her story-book prince, but those tales had never warned her of the scars that marred her prince’s soul. Scars that couldn’t be healed even with the summoning powers of a Sankta.

She cut her gaze back to her golden-haired, too-clever-fox, and smiled.

“Yes.” she said, even as tears poured down her cheeks. Nikolai blinked those glorious hazel eyes at her, and then, he murmured;

“Give me your hand.”

With little to no second thought, Alina Starkov held out her left hand, and let Nikolai place the Lantsov emerald upon her ring finger. The glitter of it caught the light, reflected it back. She felt the weight of it, yet unlike the halo of Sankta the Apparat had placed upon her, this did not crush.

It healed.

What Alina next remembered was the feeling of being picked up in a bridal carry once again, and Nikolai’s fingers woven through hers. The Lantsov Emerald upon her finger was protected by the pad of his finger wearing the University of Ketterdam signet he’d always worn since their first meeting.

But, as they stepped from the elevator, all the happiness evaporated as Dominik appeared within their line of sight.

“We have a development, Nikolai.” Dominik whispered, his eyes wide.

“Tell me.”

Alina stirred, sat up in Nikolai’s embrace. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and stared at Dominik, gauging his pale face, the fear in his eyes. Suddenly, the spinning wheel felt almost too stifling, too much all at once.

“The Darkling’s struck a deal with West Ravka…” Dominik trailed off, wrung his hands again. “They’re baying for blood.”

His gaze turned to Alina.

“And we’ve been betrayed.”

Nikolai’s breath came out as a hard hiss.

“Sergei.”

Suddenly, a loud boom filled the air. Then, another, and another. Through the massive windows of the central atrium of the Spinning Wheel, the three of them could see shadows surging like waves, cutting off the sunlight.

Snuffing out hope.

They were trapped - the Darkling had come to pay his due, with interest.

End of Chapter 2.

#my writing #Nikolina #fic: I will follow you into the dark #nikolai lantsov fanfiction #alina starkov #alina starkov fanfic #crossposted on ao3 #long fic #grishaverse au

8 notes · View notes