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queermarzipan · 2 days ago

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OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

BEST. SURPRISE. EVER.

BTW

I LOVE YOU ASMI I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

SOOIGJLCFGOOOOO

R o b e r t d e n e i r o

R O B E R T D E N E I R O

i'm dying. i'm actually dying

Russel T. Davies

ily asmi

i'm laughing bc this is incredibly obvious to ME but that is EXACTLY THE SAME RHYTHM so i am in fact delighted that you knew that

Yes this is true. Twelve is the lesbian and thirteen is idk pansexual or something idk. some sort of extremely niche microlabel i feel. not 'lesbian'

YOU WOULD THINK WOULDN'T YOU but no the master just really is that much of an ego-full person. he chose the name. like every time lord gets to choose their name and he called himself the master. & honestly there is also some sort of BDSM thing going on where the master REALLY LIKES the doctor using their name. and they're also both firmly in 'I Can Fix Him' territory about each other. fucking hell

MISSY MY FUCKING BELOVED ISTG I'M SO MAD THAT THE ONLY MASTER ARC THAT HAD HER BE LIKE FIXING HERSELF WAS WHILE SHE WAS A WOMAN AND THEY HAD THAT CLEAR DELINEATION THEY MADE BTW 'THE MASTER' AND 'MISSY' & I'M JUST. I LOVE HER. YOU FUCKING GOT ME. W H Y

the fucking bigeneration i was READY TO CRY & then they gave me the BEST GIFT OF ALL FUCKING TIME WHOVIANS EVERYWHERE CHEERED ISTFG

i also fucking sobbed but that's not the point the point is it fixed me

i love how little catherine knows about doctor who. every interview they do where david and catherine are together and something factual about the lore comes up david turns to catherine like "👀😇" i fucking love it

the QPR is the realest thing ever istFG it's so much stronger than stobin it really is and i'm biased towards stobin bc they're my FIRST PLANTONIC SHIP but omg they knocked it out of the park. the doctor 7 donna. forevermore. in the brains of people who have gone insane

THE FUCKING. KILLS HER. FUCK

HE KILLS HER

TO SAVE HER LIFE

BUT HE STILL KILLS HER

AND HE HAS TO CARRY THAT

FUCKING HELLLLLLLLLLL

this is what the 60th anniversary fixed in me btw. this pain. the cracks r still conveniently there & reopen when i put myself back in time within the canon

why would i do that you ask

obviously

i

must

????

pain

donna

</3.

^see. totally reasonable

the original show had shitty effects and so does the new one and everyone loves it. if u genuinely think the shitty effects of dw are something to overcome u r made aware that u r incorrect. we love our ridiculous procreate ass living bin and obviously plastic mickey. go watch avengers if u want GOOD cgi

this is profoundly accurate & also neutral which is smart bc having not watched the show u would ABSOLUTELY not be able to adequately defend your position to avoid having ppl come up to ubto ""explain" why ur wrong.

that said.

tentoo is the best ending rose tyler could have possibly had it tied in with themes in school reunion & impossible planet & family of blood & also fucking army of ghosts & doomsday & no one can ever change my mind. i fucking love it to fucking pieces u can pry the metacrisis from my cold dead hands

HE'S CALLED TENTOO BC HE'S ALSO TEN IT'S A FUCKING PUN IT'S THE BEST PUN EVER I LOVE IT

NuWho is one word & New Who is two words. Expeditiousness is the friend of all. this is the fandom that uses full-on numbers to refer to versions of a character lke the infamous "you can like 11 better than 10" post lmao u expect us to keep two words we could conpress into one??

THE TARDIS SHOULD ABSOLUTELY IMPLEMENT RIBBONS FOR SEATBELTS IF I EVER GET TO WRITE FOR THE SHOW THAT'S MY FIRST FUCKING SUGGESTION. I'M FUCKING LOVING THAT. also the tardis😍😍🩵💙🩵💙💙🩵💙🩵🩵

he does indeed. bridgerton episode

the ninth doctor is sometimes a butch lesbian and sometimes something unknowable & i think it was the unknowable version that was bobbing his head. he fucking rocks also ur absolutely right he has so little rizz. he can get it

truth. nothing more to say

very very queer. nothing more to say

david tennant and catherine tate had SO MUCH FUN during that episode istg i love them so much

the sexuest person is indeed a head. apparently he was supposed to be in a certain story arc & he'd have his head chopped off and that's why he's a head but they couldn't get him. so now we just simply have to assume that he got into a beheading predicament at some point

the Meep's pronoun is the definite article. easy mistake to make. the Meep is always "the Meep". friend shaped because evil subterfuge :,[

.....uh........ idk asmi idk lmao

WAIT OH MY GOD IT'S CASSANDRA YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT CASSANDRA I'M GOING TO EXPLODE THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNYYYYYY

*strolls into tumblr and falls on my face pretending I haven't been missing for like a month I was out getting the milk hello maggots*

Doctor Who But I've Never Watched It 2.0

For those of you feeling deja vu YES I HAVE MADE POSTS ON DOCTOR WHO BEFORE OKAY but back then I was a young uneducated lad, just a fresh blossom unfucked by tumblr. Now I am surrounded by you lot and by god do y'all love Doctor Who. And I am Educated. My DW virginity is deflowered. All that.

SO HERE WE GO, EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SHOW I'VE NEVER WATCHED:

The show started in 1963, and then was rebooted in 2005 and the showrunner was... Robert de Neiro? Idk all I know is he gives Pedro Pascal vibes. Like his name. His name is Robert.

There have been 15 Doctors so far. One is a lesbian and it is not Jodie Whittaker, it is actually the 12th doctor.

There's someone called the Master. I don't know what that means, or if it's some kind of BDSM thing, but he has intense sexual tension with the Doctor.

He's also emo and has bleached hair and is kinda babygirl. And is called Missy.

The Doctors all have intense trauma and the 15th Doctor kind of girlbossed it by leaving David Tennant intact when they binary-fissioned.

Donna is a person played by Catherine... Tate? Not Hepburn. And she knows less about Doctor Who than I do. And Donna is in a QPR with the David Doctors (there are two of them).

David Doctor loves Donna very much. And then he kills her. But doesn't kill her. And then they have dinner together with her husband and kid.

The original show had shitty effects. The new show does too, and everyone is happy about this.

Rose is someone the David Doctor is in love with and then she ends up with a human AU of him and he leaves and the fans are very divided and passionate about this.

The human AU is called Tentoo because y'all hate using W's. What the fuck is Tentoo. What is Nuwho. Why isn't it New and Two. Help me.

THERE IS SOMETHING CALLED THE TARDIS, IT IS BIGGER ON THE INSIDE, I HAVE HAD WEIRD DREAMS WHERE IT WAS A FUCKING AUTO-RICKSHAW WITH RIBBONS FOR SEATBELTS, AND IT IS BLUE AND NOT YELLOW BUT IT WAS YELLOW IN MY DREAM. Because of a Drarry fanfic that I misread.

The 15th doctor dances homoerotically with someone during the French Revolution.

The 9th doctor kinda vibes with like his head jiggling idk I've only seen one gif of him.

The 13th doctor keeps forgetting she's in a woman's body.

It is all very gay.

David Tennant's arms are too long.

The sexiest person is a head.

The Meep's pronouns are Meep. Meep is not friend. IF NOT FRIEND THEN WHY FRIEND SHAPED??????

A buttcheek skin talks or something yeah this is all I got.

have at it y'all @robinprinceofchaos @multidimensional-trashcan @wispedvellichor @queermarzipan thanks for the second hand brainrot

*sneaks away under the cover of night* i was never here

#doctor who #asmi doctor who #!!!!!!!!!!#i'm so excited to get to read and respond to ANOTHER ASMI DOCTOR WHO POST #AAAAAAAAA #I LOVE YOU ASMI I LOVE THISSSS

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bluemoonrabbit · 10 months ago

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I've been having such a nice time with my little online vintage shop 🥹 So many buyers share their stories with me, which I adore, and the other sellers/collectors are so supportive and fun to chat with. It's nice having people who get why it's so exciting to find this little 70's mug or that set of 60's placemats.

#a lady bought some mushroom placemats from me #for her mushroom-loving 4 year old nephew #then sent me some photos of the little guy holding some huge mushrooms and beaming #and just hearing her gush about this little dude with his special interest #warmed my heart #another lady bought two brass dachshund figurines from me #then sent me pics of her identical irl doxies 🥹#also... idk if this could ever be a full time thing for me #I am NOT making tons of money #but I could see it being that someday #and that's cool #i like the rhythm of it #the creativity in terms of staging and photographing items #the sense of community #the excitement of making a sale or finding a cool piece #the quiet moments of organizing and prepping #it feels good

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spiritofpassionfruit · 2 months ago

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A–Aventio TGCF idea?? Wherein Civil God Veritas Ratio meets the infamous Ghost King Aventurine during his first mission cuz cuz like— The "live for me" paralels?!? The one who has all the luck partner as well?!? The villain who was actually not the Villain this whole time!?!? The loving humanity a little too much it causes their downfall !?!?!?

Rant AU in the tags proceed with caution

#Okay to put it into better words:#Veritas having once being a prince wanted to give everyone the prosperity of knowledge and became a civil god in the pursuit of it.#Sadly this backfires in people using that knowledge for their own greed and creating civil wars within it as well as unleashing far more #Destruction upon the land. And the other gods didn't help Veritas in stopping that bc see that's what happens when people overshare info!!#So the aftermath is just pure chaos plus banishment from being a civil god and thrown as this god of war and plague.#800 years passes and he is seen to just still be doing the same things but I a simple term. Teaching people to read and count.#Often times taking up mission and doing research on new pathogens to help cure the sick that can't afford and somehow during a reading #Lecture he gets ascended back to godhood and everyone is like ??? And even he is like ???#Well he doesn't care much about it and just continues to do what he's always done. Except that once in a while he has to take a detour #Mission to deal with ghosts and other malignant spirits. And upon one of those recurrences he finds himself aquaintanced with #The infamous Ghost King Aventurine. Who is mostly feared in heaven due to having beaten the strongest and wisest at their own games. Even #When the odds where fully against him.#As for Aventurine.#His life was harsh but as the prince had given a lot to the people #Not just education but also free them of diseases and sickness. One of which had struck his sister. He liked the prince and wanted to #Follow in giving and protecting the prosperity of the former kingdom. But the good things did not last and his family was struck in between #The many wars that took place. No matter how much refuge Kakavasha and his sister sought no place was ever #Safe enough for them.#He watched the entire world go up in flames yet somehow he could hate the prince-god for it. But rather the people who had started to #Create weapons in his name. The rest of his years he spent it as a warrior slave and then when death reached him he couldn't even go to #The afterlife since he still held so much vigor and wanted revenge to all the people who had turned his land into ashes and his family #Into bones. That is why he became a mourning ghost.#(I didn't want the kakavasha story to be so centered on ratio like it is in tgcf. Because I think it will be fun for the two of them to #Not recognize each other at first after 800 years and then when they do. Rather when aven does he's full on: oh shit it's the cute prince—#As for who was the cause of the upheaval in the kingdom and the maker of the weapons. Idk I was debating there being more than just one #Antagonist to have pulled their strings in verita's kingdom as well as be the reason Aven's sister died. So he's more revenge seeking for t #And the genius society as civil gods just spoke to me it for so perfectly. Ling wen as Ruan mei? Yeah exactly.#ratiorine #Aventio #Dr ratio

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aretarers · 9 days ago

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i think my biggest character growth over the past 5-6 years? is being able to do this these days

#it still bothers me but im so much better at moving on & being happy with what i have than i used to be. based !#idk like it's easy to fall into a spiral of alienation like Ohh God... I don't feel this thing that Everyone Else Feels... I must be Broken #but idk. as time goes on i find it easier to focus on like. yes of course the friends that will still prioritize me #but also just Myself. like. It's like the more I think about it like Yeah sure it's alienating to not Fit In to a romance based society but #at the same time it's- not ''i don't think anyone could handle me'' because that sounds stupid as fuck and like I'm full of myself LOL #but like. Well nobody could ever really have the full context of who i Am as a person except for myself. so why am i beating myself up for #not being able to feel a certain way about people when i'm really the only person that can Fully get myself in the first place? when instea #i could just celebrate being myself and being on my own. Of course that's not perfect all the time #but it's a lot better than being 16 again like WHY AM I A FUNDAMENTALLY BROKEN PERSON #idk maybe all i had to do was graduate college and get a job LMFAO that one tweet thats like #yea im probably aromantic but i have a job so idrc about that rn #talking

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icewindandboringhorror · 1 year ago

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There's always a slight yearning in the back of my mind wishing I had been born in the right place, time, family situation, income level, etc. to have just lived in one single house for my entire life. Imagine being born in a place that still suits you, even through all of your personal evolutions and etc. The idea of deep familiarity with an area because you've lived and explored it for 40+ years, being encased in a web of memories and connections. Being able to clean out your old childhood bedroom and find personal artifacts, to dig in the yard and remember. I know those lives can still be plenty imperfect, but there's just something so seemingly solid and stable and Grounding about it that I sometimes wish I could have.. (At least from my outside perspective as someone who's moved around a bit geographically and even within the same area, never lives in the same house/ apartment /etc. for more than a few years usually.) Like... having a place that is printed upon, fully your own, rather than chronically a visitor, every thought of a space always tempered with the notion that one day soon you'll have to pack it all up again, etc. There's something peaceful about the permanence.

#I think also because I'm a very nostalgic person - THOUGH not in the way that somep poeple mean when they say nostalgia because I've realiz #ed that to some people apparently it means like.. more of a sad emotional thing? Or when I talk about being nostalgic they say 'me too' and #then describe how they're always depressed dwelling on the past wishing they could revisit it and replaying it and feeling sad and etc.#Whereas for me - it's not in a deep or emotional way at all. It's very detached - kind of like someone who is doing like a scientific #cataloguing of something? I don't feel any remorse or sadness or longing or sitting there sobbing for hours over people/pets I've lost or #etc. It's more like a fun contemplative excercise and extension of self analysis plus just documentation. Like I know your memory fades as #you get older OR even as stuff is actively ongoing humans have terrible recall - even the ones who are less emotional/more focused on #accuracy our minds still twist things or etc. SO I looove to have documentations of everything possible so that in the future I will have #as full and complete of a view of myself as I possibly can. sure the image will undoubtedly be a little distorted but having real evidence #of how something was at a time is very valuable. You look through old messages or letters or something and you always find other alternate #versions of yourself. Not in a worse way like inherently inferior Previous Models Of You who haven't yet been perfected but even just in a #neutral way like 'what they're saying is not a BAd thing but also is not how I would say that today.' etc. ANYWAY I find it really interest #ing to document and remember things and love revisiting the past - not in a sad way - but just like. curiosity. reminiscing and recalling #and filling in gaps. or trying to have the same feeling I felt at a previous time so I can remember what it was. Collecting information for #documentation purposes. Like for example - I would love to go back and tour all of my old childhood houses/apartments. Not to like #sit in the middleof them and cry and go 'ohhh my childhood waughhh' - but literally because I want to take detailed photographs so I #can remeber exatly what they looked like and recreate them in sims or some other digital way. Why? idk. just to gather the information. If #I ever live to like 80 years old and I'm still reflecting on my life curious about the dteails of it. I want to be able to fire up my #ancient windows 10 laptop I've kept all these years and open up the sims 4 and tour my old home with accuracy etc. ??#Not sure why really. Maybe an extension of how I generally care a lot about having an 'accurate' view of things? Like I would rather be #accurate than be happy. I don't understand 'ignorance is bliss' because I would always rather know. I always always in any situation am mor #focused on 'what is the well researched practical truth' than about 'how does this make me feel' or etc. Truth above ALL else even if it #were to make me miserable. Aka why I'm a 'boring' 'annoying' 'UM actually..' type of killjoy lol because it's very hard for me to understan #that some people can enjoy something or have a good time even not knowing the full facts of a situation or etc. BUT anyway. since that is #some core driver of my personality for whatever reason (just the plague of ennegram type 5 perhaps lol) maybe that also drives me to my #kind of minor obsession with like 'I must have a complete view and calatoguing of my life that is as accurate as possible within the means #i have' . Is it REALLY important for me to know the exact layout of on of my first childhood bedrooms? no. materially it does nothing for m #in life. BUT hey. it would make a great addition to the Accurate Life Story Catalogue lol. ANYWAY.. But I think a lot of wanting to live in #one place forever is not just the ease of documentation. but the sense of having a constant. Much of what i crave most in life is stability #& familiarity &routine bc of how my brain works. And it just would feel so good to be Settled. Never uproot again. One little place FOREVER

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eonars · 6 months ago

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um. tfw your life is about to change massively very very soon and it still doesn't even feel real yet and still feels like somethings gonna pop up and it won't actually happen and also you're scared as fuck that you're too stupid to actually do it and it'll all be for nothing

#like what do you mean full time salaried w benefits and paid vacation just to do. school.#what made you so enthusiastically think i was the perfect one to do this #when the last approx 20something other guys were like ummmm no you cannot do it #tbf like all that other shit up there aside #this did actually come at the perfect time #i look back on who i was during my masters and i legit do not recognize that person #i barely even remember it i have to look at pictures to think back on who i was #in a strange roundabout way being forced home to stay for a while #kind of re centered me and gave me time to come back to myself in a big way. i was really lost before #and chaining something like this directly after my masters would have been disasters #even like this time last year i did not have this level of mental clarity #and i think thats why i didn't get any of the other positions i was just in a fog and i think people could tell #so as much as like im super scared and nervous about this big change and big exit from my comfort zone #and a little sad and mournful that im leaving my family and wont hear my native language all day every day anymore #im the most ready ive ever been #2019 me was NOT ready im scared of her tbh!! idk what wave i was on but it was weirdo shit!#im also proud that i essentially rawdogged and brute forced a lot of introspection and improvement #entirely on my own #like i really can only just describe it as clarity i feel like i matured 10 years in 4 and cleared all the fog #i feel so good about the way i handle things and react to things now vs then #im like 500x more unbothered and actually know how to put myself first now #anyway uh this prob could have been its own post in and of itself #but woteva innit im proud of how much internal repairs i did on myself over the last few years #became a stable genius as it were #whos a lot more clearly defined and present #but fuck man! i am still scared of being 2stupid

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palms-upturned · 6 months ago

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#meg talks #feeling really down and frustrated #ever since i caught covid over the new year ive just been doing so badly #it’s now halfway through may and not only am i having all sorts of weird new pain problems #to the point where i dragged myself to the er yesterday bc my usual meds didn’t do shit for me and i spent seven hours writhing in pain #but also mentally im just. constantly tapped out #before covid i was able to keep up w news and work on research projects and write multiple image descriptions every day and read books #and keep up w friends all while working full time #like even if i was in bed p much whenever i wasn’t at work i could still read and write and carry conversations #now it’s like i can only handle all of these things in small doses before my brain just shuts off #im still keeping up w news and describing what i can and working on my research projects and trying to make connections #but i feel so slow abt everything i do #it’s driving me up the wall #ive been trying for days to get through this one academic paper that’s rlly not even that long #and i just can’t do it. not for long anyway i have to read in small bursts #and then having to take muscle relaxants for these fucking spasms that make me really drowsy and sleep the whole day away…#idk. it might not even be abt covid i might be reading too much into it but it’s just pissing me off. thinking abt how nobody masks anymore #and how every time there’s a covid outbreak i won’t be able to properly protect myself or my brothers from it #bc of this fuckass job #idk im just tired and upset

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nomairuins · 17 days ago

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loveee when a character is crushed under the weight of someone elses expectations for them love when a character dedicates their entire life to something they never even wanted for themself love when the only reason a character keeps going is because theyre Supposed to and bc theyre supposed to make another person happy/proud. YES !!! CLAPPING !!! YES !!!!!!!!

#this isnt rly related to any character in particular i just thought abt this and it made me scream.#flirting at a bar Damn girl you look like youre trapped in a life you built to please someone else. and then i kneel down and pull out a 💍#sry i ran out of space for the full word ring. also why when i type 💍 Ohh theyre hiding it. bc now the emoji is 💍 Oh they changed it again #pox on their home..originally it was 🔐 sughested emoji #but then the second time it was 😭.... very anti marriage. well ig maybe the sob could be like OMG... YES!!!!! I WILL MARRY YOU!!!!!!#ngl getting proposed to is such a big fear of mine like. i dont think id ever be able to propose to someone so id have to be proposed to i #suppose but it makes me quite nervous not bc im like ohh nooo dont propose i just rly worry ill react the wrong way and theyll change their #mind. like its a very high emotion moment so ik i would be supposed to be emotional And i would be but idk if id do it in the right way . y #idk. what if my autism looms and i end up just being like 😐 on accident. fuckkk. what if i say somethinf dumb. like i try to be like YES !#but instead im like YEP! god. can you imagine. id have to just bury myself at that point. so embarassing. or like what if i get excited and #flap my hands but it was supposed to be more of a like. joyful crying type of thing... or what if im supposed to just be shocked and like .#Oh my god ....#and am I supposed to run at them and sweep them into a hug or do they do thst to me. UGH. ITS SO STRESSFUL. i suppose ill just remain alone #forever so I never have to confront any difficult situations ever again . Joke .#idk it just makes me nervous. but i suppose hopefully the person proposing to me will love me . that would be nice so hopefully they wont #mind if i dont respond the right way . and they wont be upset with me bc they love me eversomuch. a girl can dream i suppose... my head lik #is pounding sry. i need to sleep probably.. stayed up too late again -_- 8am -_- and im sposed to do laundry today But i dont want to . and #since im gonna fall asleep i fear it shant happen. UGHHH #wtvr. idk what my ideal proposal would be likeee. i don't want to be blindsided ig #i like surprises but Obviously im too worried abt like. my immediate reaction #+ i think its important to talk abt marriage Before proposing just so everybodys like #on the same page and such. Obvs... but ya. i dont think id want a super public proposal like. id like it to be somewhere nice with maybs #significance to our relationship and such. and its fine if theres like Some passersby but id hate for it 2 be like. somewhere crowded. or i #a restaurant or something #Altho if it was in a restaurant maybe we could get free food..#but maybe that can be just fake proposals later on. and our real proposal can be somewhere else. YIPPEEE. me and my imaginary future spouse #who is To be honest rather bare minimum #normal girl will be like Wistful sigh maybe my future spouse will even love me and wont scream at me and will like to listen to me speak 😍#but anywyas. my beddybye time. SURPRISE GN POST #woahhthis got off topic i forgot what the original post was this always happens. i do love characters like that

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago

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...

#its crazy how much easier it is to do things when youre not completely miserable lol #this past week has been weird bc ive felt really really good and like normal in a way thats kinds unfathomable #im hoping its the medication but my mood was already on an upward tilt and i was told it would take like 6 weeks for the meds to work #property but like ive been sleeping way more than usual. and by that i literally just mean 8hrs a night lol which is weird for me #like that never ever ever happens multiple days in a row. so idk. when i feel better it makes the 0cd way easier to manage as well #and im just generally not as anxious. on the more worrisome side i kinda just give less of a fuck so like i have an exam im not ready for #Tuesday and im just kinda like hm fuck that lol. ill go thru lil fluctuations of having a lot of energy too #like: i could run around in circles rn. i dont have to but i could. like yesterday i was out with friends and i was like bouncing up and #down while standing and rocking from side to side while sitting. which i kinda do anyway while in crowds but it was more to expend energy #last night i also got like 5hrs of sleep. so like maaaaybe ive been on the bleeding edge of mood elevation but for the most part it just #feels good and not destructive. like if i felt like this all the time that would b fantastic. its like oh so this is y ppl dont long to b #put out of their misery lol. depression? who? i dont kno her. sounds fake. but as soon as i fucking say that ill b fucking slapped back #down to earth. ugh. annoying. no emotional object permanence. i hope its the meds. if this is the person i am under layers of misery then #that is fucking so insane. we shall see. im curious to hear what the psychiatrist thinks of my brain when i follow up with her #i gave her my full dys1exia assessment which gives a pretty good picture of how my head functions. oh fuck i bet i would do waaaayyy better #on thise test if i took it in this state of mind. but anyway she has that on top of like 3 assessment sheets i filled out #dispite everything i still want someone to categorize me into a discreet box. tell me doc. am i really bip0lar? really really?#ur sure??? like 1000% sure bc my brain wont let me accept that unless its beyond a reasonable doubt. i just doesn't seem that serious.#i mean. it is but like ya kno. its not that bad. ay. this glob of mush behind my eyes runs me in circles #but for now thats ok bc i feel like i could run up a mountain or punch someone in the face lol #unrelated

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dokjaism · 9 months ago

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anytime i wanna complain abt cleaning my room i feel like such a kid lol

#like you're 24 years old wdym u get overwhelmed by the thought of cleaning ur room #i have a lot to complain abt it n its mostly bcs i dont have a space to leave my shit bcs my wardrobe is full of my stepfather's clothes n #stuff my mom has put that isnt mine like 😐#that and the drawer in my room thats full of my grandma's stuff like 😭 i could use it for my own stuff n yet :-/#it has like 5 things to use n i only get ONE #and idk it frustrates me so much bcs yeah im a messy person!!!!!! i know!!!!!!!!!!!!!#but i also have no space for my shit!!!!!!! and of course in 10 years i'd get more stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#plus i also have a disorder that makes it harder for me to be organized!!!!!!!!!!!#and when i was a kid no one ever treated me like that!!!!!!!!!!!! no one ever took the time to teach me on how to be organized with that #disorder and now im suffering the consequences!!!!!!!!!! but i can't rlly blame the adults bcs none of yall knew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and it just #frustrates me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i ended complaining either way lol anyways.#i feel like a lot of my frustration with cleaning up is that growing up everyone treated it as a failure #i've always been a messy person and everyone treated me as if that were a failure n not smth that was enhanced by a fucking disorder!!!!!#'ohhh you're so messy!!! your room is so messy' n u couldn't have helped a kid to be more organized #if i were diagnosed younger i feel like lots of my frustrations wouldn't exist #jo.txt

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kikuism · 2 years ago

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just finished jade legacy

#wow. that was a Journey. the passage of time in this book made me so emo.....#watching them grow older and the CHILDREN GROWING UP SO FAST really got me :(#so much happened in this book it was insane but so so good and so satisfying #ayt madashi had me on my toes until the very end she is Ruthless #im never getting over ru :((( that made me cry. hated that so much it was JUST AN ACCIDENT and that makes it so much worse #seeing the kaul children as literal babies and then slowly growing into full adults over the course of the book just #made me that much more attached :((#also not me and my delusional ass somehow hoping anden and lott would become a thing hgkshfjdhf #ah well #ALSO BERO. this man is fucking cockroach. i love it. he was definitely one of the reasons this series was so enjoyable #love how he thought of himself as part of this grand myth bc of everything he's been through #it's so interesting to see this grand epic story of the kauls play out alongside this tiny thread that is bero’s life #he was such a big part of it but at the same time.....he was just a nobody #the part that really made me so so heartbroken and burst into tears was when #hilo was standing over lan and kehn and tar’s graves :((( his brothers all gone.....i cried #i could Feel how exhausted he was but how he had to pull himself together for the clan #AND THEN RU :((((((#idk man i have many thought none of them are coherent and i just finished a 700 page book but it's been an INCREDIBLE journey #im so glad i read these books. wow. i never ever expected to get THIS invested.#i haven't had such visceral reactions to a book in a long time. it kind of felt like coming back to life #like the way i used to read back in high school :')#anyway. how can i move on from this series!!! i feel like i need to let it sit with me for a while before starting anything else #if you have any suggestions please share !!

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pepprs · 2 years ago

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mission failed we’ll get em next time 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

#i literally can’t quit omg i feel so fucking bad. it wasn’t so bad this time but also HE LITERALLY FORCED ME TO COME OUT LKKE GIRL HELLO???#he cornered me and asked me if redacted had to do w my s*duality and i was like ummmmm. yeah 🫣 and he was like now why didn’t you say that #the first time 🤨 and i was like …………. 😳. AND THEN i asked him why he asked me that and he said he’s been waiting for the right moment to ge #it out of me and he always suspected it LIKE HELLO I THINK THAT IS POSSIBLY WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE I WANTED TO DIEEEEEE #and i lied right to his face abt stuff w my mom and also the redacted situation bc i always feel in trouble whenever i talk abt them w him #and also he asked how things were w my mom and i told him and he was like that’s great but how are things with YOU and yoir mom 🤨. UGHHHHH #and i can’t leave bc his supervisor is gravely ill and they haven’t talked abt doing inter generational therapy w me yet which is what they #want to do <- hasn’t looked it up yet and doesn’t know what it receals about me. and he also is like yet agai. trying to get me to separate #myself from data expunged AND ITS LIKE OMGGGG NOTHING IS HAPPENING WHY DO I HAVE TO THROW AWAY A GOOD THING THAT IS WORKING FOR ME JUST FOR #THE SAKE OF CONFORMING TO SOME STUOID MENTAL HEALJT STANDARD. so yeah ummmmm idk what to dooooo i know im not getting the best possible car #and this whole thing has been a cluster fuck but he validated my reaction to something for the first time like EVER today and he has plans #and what if they work. and like omg if i drop it on him he’ll be so hurt and surprised like it will really come out of nowhere and i don’t #want to look like even more of a fool to him than iam. but he says i can’t withhold stuff bc it’s doing me a disservice and we need to see #the fullness of who i am to get to the root and solve problems and stuff but it’s like uhmmmm… but you don’t make me feel safe for reacting #the way i do or wanting things to work out in a way you disagree with so how can i bring out all the parts of me if you don’t make me feel #safe and unjudged for doing so like. lol. the thought of leaving him makes me feel so guilty and stupid bc it s like why are you throwing a #away sliding scale therapy that could turn out to be really useful and running away when ppl tell you things abt yourself you don’t like to #admit and force you to look at your hard ugly truths. but also the thought of working w him until july after already having had 16 weeks of #this literaly makes me fucking insane so idk what to do and finding a new counselor would be so hard and i don’t have time or money. UGHHHH #purrs #delete later #like how am i gonna walk out on him when we just spent all this time talking abt how this new technique will bring me into a new season. AU

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yuridovewing · 1 year ago

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Basically like. Onewhisker definitely has a point in wanting to keep relationships good when WindClan is just now setting up it's borders. Mudclaw instantly jumping to "no we gotta hate the other clans and beat the shit out of them if they look at us NOW" isn't productive and would have been a terrible beginning for WindClan. But also Onewhisker is definitely vulnerable to being taken advantage of. If he's too giving, then that's something the other leaders can exploit and hold over his head. Firestar in particular, cause they're besties, and they're both like "oh windclan owes thunderclan soooooooo much! we HAVE to give them everything or else we're ungrateful brats!" at this point. It's one of the reasons he doesn't bode well as a leader. I find it perfectly believable that he snaps so hard in the other direction when ThunderClan DOES take advantage of his kindness AND he nearly gets assassinated by half of his clan over this. Like goddamn I'd be throwing hands too.

#idk. i kinda relate to onestar in this regard? where other people will do a nice thing for me and ill feel compelled to defend them over it #but said people would also hold that over my head to make me do things i didnt want to do and give them so much #and i felt like i HAD to overcompensate and give them so much ''in return'' cause like. well i didnt want to be ungrateful.#i couldnt ever pay off my debt and i could not get out of it without being shamed. and then id face the consequences of giving too much awa #back at home where my family would be rightfully pissed saying that i was wasting their money by just giving so many things away #and also as soon as the well stopped? id get dropped like a hot potato and antagonized and mocked by those people #thats something ive definitely improved on over time like i dont give people my possessions anymore and i hold ppl borrowing from me accoun #accountable #but being a doormat is something i struggle with to this day. actually going through something that happened cause i was doormat #and idk i see that in onestar. hes being a doormat in starlight. hes being taken advantage of #so i dont blame him for finally snapping and full on being a dick to firestar. he kinda earned it #its better than him giving up everything for him #gn liveread

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risingsunresistance · 2 years ago

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ugh

#vent/rant ahead i just wanna say stuff:#forcing myself to draw for my friends and post content for my friends and keep Being Active just for other ppl is wearing me out #i WANT to continue to be a part of the community but. man this sucks fkjdhsg #it's entirely my fault. the situations i've put myself in that i dont wanna make public #(not just stuff related to art and content motivation but also Oops i Upset A Friend And Feel Horrible)#but it still sucks even if it is my fault #idk man im just running out of stuff to care about. everything is getting worse 🧍#i'm sure i'll be here every once in a while but will i ever post a full drawing again? great question #clips? very very rarely #actual content? not likely #i have like. one thing i wanna post about at christmas (i know one of my gifts already). besides that uhhhhhhhh i've got nothing #might have one drawing/sketch for december but that's very up in the air #if you know my priv and wanna request go ahead. im always active there and that wont change unless twitter explodes #even if you've requested before and aren't in it now you can request again. i'll try to be more lenient with it (again this is my fault)#i doubt i could ever make myself straight up abandon this blog. i'll continue to answer asks and ramble when i want to #but forcing myself to be a Content Provider sucks. it's not working. i'm still sad. he's still dead. my friends are leaving.#i'm not gonna have anyone left by this time next year it'll just be me and the void lmao #too nervous to follow anyone new. too nervous to talk the friends i already have. cant hold a conversation to save my life #this is why i have like... 3 friends here (i think we're friends). sorry i never talk to you guys it's just Difficult :/#and it's not getting any easier. not since june/july !#all goat knows is talk about skyblock (getting harder to do). post link to song. and make 50 more non-rebloggable posts #chat #come back later #(to delete probably idk)#now the real question: is this all related to [current issues causing mood swings] or is this something that's been building since june #we'll see i guess #i could be fine a month or so from now. or tomorrow. or all the way in the summer. who knows #*attaches a picture of techno to make this seem slightly less miserable* jkfhdkg #i hate there being like 2000 people here. nearly 3000 i think. idk #i want to talk and rant without feeling like im making the world's worst apology video KJFDHKG i dont like having so many eyes on me

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triglycercule · 2 months ago

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i think because i made savior first out of anyone in swapinverse that he lowkey has like. the least interesting lore and facts and gimmicks and stuff,,,,,,,, like his extra facts section is a lot of small of things ans we love that for him but i need him to be cooler and deeper than this. so even though it really shouldn't be all that possible i'm forcing him to deal with his chara in his head for funsies and to add some interesting funsies to him :3 now this makes him a TRUE killer au

#it aint killer if he doesnt have that chara trauma #anyways it bothers me because paranoia ALSO absorbed a humans soul but he doesn't hear aliza #and i dont ever plan on making him. so itd be like violating a multiversal law to do this #but ugh even though i LOVE making things universal i need NEED to make savior cooler than this. i WANT TO #triglycercule you already have to work on crash and vice.ser!!! I KNOW I KNOW 🙁🙁🙁🙁#ill do all 3 of them! and i dont want swapinverse to become my next fucking cgr #so i WILL do research and this time i have a person to show all my storytelling 2 #so she can tell me if things are cringe or dont make sense! YIPPEE!!!!! finally a beta reader. or alpha reader??? IDK #and maybe i should do some research on what makes good writing and literary elements and stuff #that way i can sprinkle themes and foreshadowing into the lore and make it fun and interesting #god this will be my masterpiece i think #when i die all i want is the link to read swapinverse on my gravestone #i was thinking of ideas for what i would with the chara that savior now has bc fused souls #like would it be a cross and xchara situation??? maybe most of the time without the body switching #and then maybe maybe maybe in stage 2 when things get unchecked for too long savior mentally checks out #and then the body only responds to what chara says because god no way one person can handle all that #maybe it could be like a protecting the body too. like chara is helping savior and themselves #GOD im coming up with ideas like its a wildfire on the west coast #savior my beloved i will save you. oh and crash and vice.ser you 2 can just sit back #well maybe ill finish up crash first. finished his lore. know his personality (kinda?) now just need gimmicks and facts and powers and stuff #i only am like 50% done with vice.ser even though ive got the design and basic concept done #anyways back into my cryptic hidey hole where only i know the full context of what im talking about #tricule rant

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poppyseed799 · 4 months ago

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I have this problem that’s like the opposite of nostalgia or something where some things I remember liking a lot as a child I look back and only remember the bad times.

This is specifically about Animal Crossing, loved that game as a kid, but I have literally no idea why, cuz it was just pure hell for me from what I can remember.

#also blues clues but less severe. I like blues clues. but my only childhood memories are when I was scared of it #YES I WAS SCARED OF BLUES CLUES. I HAD A HUGE FEAR OF MYSTERIES. IDK HOW OR WHY. ALSO MY MEGALOPHOBIA DIDNT LIKE THE CLOSE UP PAWPRINTS #the Halloween episode also scared me on several occasions. yes I was a baby. still kind of am.#but like I still have positive feelings about blues clues but ANIMAL CROSSING. ohhh man.#first of all that megalophobia I mentioned uh yeah not a big fan of seeing those big fish.#I was terrified of the rumor that you could see a GINORMOUS fish in the ocean. and I’ve been hearing it was REAL? worst thing ever.#but like. I couldn’t even take care of my irl self so you KNOW my village was totally trashed.#so I had to play while constantly getting told ‘everyone HATES living in this town’ and trying my best to fix it but it’s out of control and #I can’t bring myself to clean (I did it once. it was the happiest I’d been finally getting told positive things.)#my house always full of roaches too lol foreshadowing my life as an adult #ALSO THOSE FREAKING DANGEROUS BUGS WOULD GET ME ALL THE TIME I was always playing at night and getting terrified #I never had a ‘favorite villager’ in the traditional sense cuz none of them ever stayed long. they hated my town.#my fave was actually stitches but I never saw him. maybe I saw him once and he IMMEDIATELY moved out. that was my life.#I can’t name a single villager I ever had in my village cuz they always moved out. I learned not to form attachments even tho I wanted to.#and don’t even get me STARTED on Resetti. if you are a Resetti lover then WE ARE NOT MEANT TO INTERACT 😭#I’m joking I won’t judge you as a person if you like him but at the same time I genuinely on god hate him #opening up the game was a nightmare cuz I knew without fail every time I would have to see him.#‘just save’? it wasn’t ever ME that was doing it. it was my little siblings. and NO I couldn’t stop them. they were like GODS at stealing #not to mention parents would always side with them and make us share the games. they liked to delete saves and were gods at that too #but anyways so I was always stuck with Resetti cuz my siblings couldn’t leave my game alone and also couldn’t bring themselves to save befor #stopping. so every day it would be Resetti. I dreaded it so much because he is like SUPER reminiscent of my abusive step father at the time.#I often cried while just desperately trying to get thru his lectures. they were SO. LONG. and OH MY GOD the time he made me repeat something #I legitimately don’t know what it was but like I kept failing it. I know I was rlly bad with copying things as a kid #there was a time where I made the painful decision to quit in the middle of his rant. knowing that it would be worse next time but I was #simply unable to take it at that point in time. HOW EFFED UP IS THAT. THAT I JUST WANT TO PLAY A DAMN GAME BUT I CANT CUZ OF THE TRAUMA.#I hate Resetti I hate Resetti I hate him so much ‘oh he’s just a character’ THATS WHY IM FREE TO HATE HIM BABY!!! IT MAKES IT WORSE THAT PPL #DELIBERATELY CREATED A CHARACTER LIKE THAT HONESTLY! WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT TO POOR INNOCENT ME!!!#anyways yeah literally everything about animal crossing is so distressing to me and yet I remember loving it. no idea why.#my memories of it have like a dramatic and eerie vignette #and that newer one that came out and everyone was so excited. I can’t handle it cuz of the FISH AGAIN!!! MEGALOPHOBIA BE LIKE!!!!!!!

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