#also. cannot believe i am turning 26 next week???

[satans-knitwear]

v quick flash to keep u going until i finish getting my fancy tuesday fit together. will be ft my new piercings of course 👀✨

Treat me ~ Tip me ~ More of me

[whimsicallyenchantedrose]

Christmas Reruns 2023 Day 12: Eli the Elf

Merry Christmas if you celebrate it and happy holidays if you don’t!  One of the things I love about Christmas is watching reruns of all the old classic Christmas movies–Christmas is a big time for nostalgia.  A few years ago, I decided to incorporate that tradition into my fandom life and post my CS holiday reruns.  So here you go!  Enough holiday (mostly) fluff to get you to New Year’s Day. (With a new story posting on Christmas Day.)

Rating: G

Word Count: 5394

Other chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32

Note:  This fic was originally written for Fluffy Fridays in 2019

Emma collapsed onto the sofa in her living room.  Being the parent of a rambunctious, mischievous three-year-old was not for the faint of heart, that was for sure.  Not that she’d change her crazy life for anything.  Emma loved Hope Swan-Jones with all her heart.  After all the months and even years she and Killian had tried for a baby with no success, there was no doubt that Hope was their miracle, their second chance, their opportunity to be a family.   

As Emma’s maternity leave had neared its end, Emma and Killian had come to the decision that they wanted to be there for and with their daughter every hour of the day.  Daycare simply wasn’t an option for them, so they’d come to an arrangement: they’d trade off days.  One day Emma went into the station and Killian stayed home with Hope, and the next day they swapped.

Lately, it seemed like Emma was far more tired at the end of her days with Hope than she was at the end of her days as the sheriff.  Who would have thought those early months where Hope barely slept would actually end up being the easy parts of parenting? 

Hope was a good girl, sweet, affectionate, smart as a whip, but she was also the daughter of a pirate.  Seemed like Emma couldn’t turn around for a second without Hope making another mess or getting onto some sort of mischief. 

Emma let herself succumb to sleep while Killian put Hope to bed–no doubt with a thrilling, overly dramatic bedtime story, like he did nearly every night.  Hope adored his tales…and everything else about her Papa.  Emma knew her daughter loved her, but there was no doubt she was a daddy’s girl.

 The couch dipped beside her, waking Emma abruptly.

 “My apologies love,” Killian said, “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Emma yawned before settling into Killian’s waiting arms.  “Don’t worry about it.  I was just kind of resting my eyes.  Don’t want to sleep through the evening when we finally get to have a little alone time.”

Killian brushed a kiss against the crown of her head and tightened his arms around her.  “I worry about you love.  You’ve been so tired lately.  Are you sure nothing’s amiss?”

Emma kissed him gently.  “I’m fine, Killian, I promise.  Guess I’m just having a tougher time navigating life as a working parent than I thought I would.”

“Are you sure…?”

“I am,” she said decisively.  “It’s just, we have a very busy, active toddler on our hands.  I love her like you would not believe, but by the end of the day, I’m so tired I feel like I could sleep standing up.”

Killian’s brow furrowed.  “The lass is three now, old enough to begin to understand consequences.  Perhaps we should begin discussing disciplinary tactics.”

“You know, I was thinking about that today,” Emma said, settling against Killian’s chest and resting her hand over his heart, loving the comfort his softly thumping heartbeat gave her.

 “Christmas is coming up in a couple of weeks, and I thought maybe we could make use of some of the traditions to convince her to work on her behavior.”

“Swan, if you’re referring to that Santa Claus fellow, I’m not entirely sure I approve,” Killian said, voice sternly disapproving.

Emma laughed.  “You are morally opposed to Santa Claus?  Why?”

“One cannot seem to patronize any establishment in this town without hearing his song,” Killian said, “He sees you when you’re sleeping.  He knows when you’re awake.  He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake.  Swan, this Santa fellow sounds like one of the worst villains we’ve faced yet.”

Emma laughed again.  “Killian it’s just a song, and it’s all in fun.  Kids love Santa.  He’s the one who brings them presents.”

Emma could see in Killian’s face that he wasn’t convinced.

“Anyway,” she continued, “that’s not what I was talking about, not really.  There’s this other tradition parents do sometimes.  Called Elf on the Shelf.  You get this toy elf, and the idea is that it watches the kids and kind of reports to Santa.  Each night the parents move the elf, so it’s like it’s alive.  The fun of it is that the kid never knows where the elf is going to show up next.  Plus, knowing there’s an elf watching you, well, it’s extra incentive to be on your best behavior.”

“Are you daft, Swan?” Killian exclaimed.  “This ‘Elf on the Shelf’ sounds, if possible, even more horrifying than Santa Claus!  I’d rather not traumatize our daughter.” 

“Would you stop being such a drama queen?” Emma asked, laughter still evident in her voice.  “I promise you it’s all in fun.  This isn’t some Christmasy ‘scare the kid straight’ thing.   Kids love it.  It brings the magic of Christmas to life.” 

Killian was clearly still skeptical, but finally conceded.  “Very well, Swan.  We’ll try this Elf on the Shelf, but if it gives Hope nightmares, I must put my foot down.”

“Relax babe,” Emma said.  “If the elf gives Hope nightmares, I’ll personally lock it in our dungeon. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

The next morning 

Killian stepped into Granny’s and made a b-line for the large booth at the back of the establishment, seeing David and Rogers already present. 

After the realms had combined, Dave had suggested he and Killian get together with Rogers, as the town decided to continue referring to his alternate reality version, to help him get adjusted to life in Storybrooke.  This get together quickly became a weekly thing.

Emma referred to their weekly breakfasts as the “brot3 convention.”  Killian hadn’t a clue what that might mean, but the phrase brought a delighted smile to Swan’s face, and that was enough to make Killian adopt the language.  There was very little he wouldn’t do to make his wife smile. 

“Hey Killian! Good to see you,” David said. 

Killian noted the fatigue in his father-in-law’s eyes and the yawn he was attempting to stifle. 

“The lass keep you up last night?” he asked sympathetically.

David and Mary Margaret’s daughter Ava was quickly approaching her first birthday.  She’d come as a surprise to the couple who’d believed their family was complete after the birth of Neal, but she was a very welcome and loved surprise. 

“Yeah,” David said, and then took a bracing sip of his coffee.  “She was up every two hours last night.” 

“I thought you said she’d finally begun sleeping through the night,” Rogers said. 

“She did,” David said, “but I think she’s teething.  Runny nose, running a bit of a fever, wanting to chew on everything.” 

Both Hooks nodded in understanding and sympathy.  “I don’t miss those days with my Alice,” Rogers said.   

Their conversation was put on hold as a waitress, wearing a festive Santa hat and necklace made of Christmas lights, took their order. 

“So how about you, Killian?” David asked after the waitress walked away, “How’s everything going with your family?” 

Killian frowned.  “I must admit, I’m a bit concerned about Emma.  She’s been so exhausted lately and a couple of times she’s gotten dizzy.  She insists it’s nothing, but I’m near to insisting she visit Doctor Whale.”

“Tired and feeling faint?” David asked.  “Any other issues?”

“It was the strangest thing,” Killian said, furrowing his brow.  “This morning I attempted to serve her her customary PopTart for breakfast, but she insisted she couldn’t stomach it.  She actually asked for boiled mackerel and grapefruit.” 

“Tired, feeling faint, and with significant changes in appetite,” David listed off.  To Killian’s surprise (and consternation) a grin covered his father-in-law’s face.  “I think Emma’s right.  I think you have nothing to worry about.” 

“Other than life getting significantly busier in eight or nine months,” Rogers said with a grin identical to David’s. 

It took Killian a moment to put the dots together, but then his eyes widened.  “You think Emma could be with child?” 

“I have very little experience with these things, my own daughter’s birth being so very….unorthodox,” Rogers said, “but it certainly seems possible.” 

Killian felt the joy bubble up in him.  Another child!  He and Swan may have another child.  It was a blessing he hadn’t even allowed himself to wish for, given the difficulties they’d had conceiving Hope. 

“I suppose there was that one weekend away we had just before Thanksgiving,” Killian said slowly, “when Alice and Robin stayed with Hope.  We did engage in copious amounts of intimate activities…” 

Rogers barked out a laugh and David groaned, reminding Killian of just how much his father-in-law did not want to hear the specifics. 

Breakfast was a joyous affair following the pregnancy speculation, the three men discussing their lives over the past week. 

Killian walked home with an extra spring in his step.  This Christmas was shaping up to be one of the best he’d ever had. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Grandma, what do you think about putting the wreath here?” Lucy asked, holding the Disney’s Captain Hook themed wreath against their front door. 

Emma laughed.  “Looks great kid.  It’ll get a good natured grumble out of your gramps every time he walks by.”

It was still weird to get used to being called Grandma, but Emma’s heart warmed at the thought that Henry was back to stay and that she’d have the chance to get to know her daughter-in-law and granddaughter in a way she’d missed out on over the first decade of Lucy’s life.

Lucy laughed, turning to Charming to ask him to hammer a nail for her so she could hang the wreath.

It had become a Christmastime tradition since the merging of the realms.  The whole family got together to decorate each other’s houses and then have dinner together.  This weekend, a mere two weeks before Christmas, it was the Swan-Jones household’s turn to host (and get decorated). 

Emma took a step back, watching as her family, her whole, big boisterous extended family worked to make her home look like something out of the Hallmark channel.  Regina and Zelena stood by the impressively large pine tree stringing garland, Alice, Robin and Rogers worked to make the hearth festive, Henry, Jacinda, Killian and her dad were braving the frigid temperatures outside to string lights on the bushes and the front of the house, Neal was occupying Hope in the playroom, Ava napped in the nursery and Snow worked away in the kitchen on what Emma was sure would be an amazing dinner. 

It was the type of scene you’d see in one of those cheesy Christmas movies.  Happy family enjoying each other’s company while they decorate for Christmas and listen to carols.  It was even picture perfect outside, with the snow gently falling. 

It was perfect, and Emma loved every minute of it.

While Hope was occupied with Neal, Emma grabbed the elf on the shelf, looking around for the perfect place to move him.  Maybe she’d put him in Hope’s room tonight. 

Emma wasn’t sure if the elf was all that effective as a disciplinary tool.  She hadn’t noticed a significant lessening of mischief since she and Killian had introduced “Eli the Elf”, but Hope certainly seemed delighted in looking for him every morning. 

And the joy on her daughter’s face was really what was most important, when it came down to it.  It was Christmas, the time for child-like wonder. 

Emma wandered into the kitchen, pausing for a moment and taking stock of her stomach.  Seemed like smells nauseated her at the drop of a hat lately—one of the main reasons her mom had offered to make the meal for their get together (the other being neither she nor Killian could cook worth a damn).  Emma sighed in relief when she noticed the smells elicited hunger rather than nausea. 

“Anything I can help you with, mom?” 

Snow turned from the stove where she was stirring something as it bubbled merrily away.  “You sure you’re feeling up to it?  I know how rough it can be in the early months.” 

Emma gave her mom an assessing look, subconsciously placing a protective hand over her belly.  “You know, don’t you?” 

Snow abandoned the pot on the stove and rushed over to give Emma a warm, motherly hug.  “About the baby?  Your father told when he came home from the last brot3 convention.  Oh Emma!  I’m so excited for you and Killian!  Is it official?  Do you know for sure?” 

Emma felt the familiar mix of anticipation, joy and fear bubble up inside her.  After his last breakfast with the guys, Killian had come home with a smile on his face. 

“What’s up with you?” she’d asked.  “I haven’t seen you so excited since they had that buy one get one special on rum at The Rabbit Hole.”

Killian had led her to the couch.  “It’s been some time since your last monthly, hasn’t it?”

 “Uh…yeah.  I guess I’m a few days late.  Why?”

“I was talking to your father and Rogers…”

“You were talking to my father about my period?” she asked, brows furrowed. 

He laughed. “Of course not, love!  I merely mentioned your fatigue and appetite changes.”

“Okay…..” 

“Your father…” Killian said, taking her hand, “your father raised the possibility that there could be a very specific cause for your symptoms.  Love, is it possible you’re with child again?” 

Emma’s eyes had widened, the possibility not even entering her mind before he brought it up.   

“With child?  Killian, we haven’t even been trying.” 

“No, but we’ve also not not been trying,” he said. “And I can recall a few very satisfying encounters over the past few weeks that could have very well resulted in a new life…” 

Snow tapped Emma on the shoulder, and Emma realized she’d spaced out, her face flaming slightly as her mind went to a few of those “very satisfying encounters”.  Killian’s skills as a lover were ridiculous.  She’d really hit the jackpot. 

“Uh…sorry mom,” Emma said, “what were you saying?” 

“I was asking if you got it confirmed.” 

“No,” Emma said, thinking of the pregnancy test currently residing in their bathroom medicine cabinet.  “I’m a little afraid to take the pregnancy test, to be honest.” 

Snow led Emma to a chair at her dining room table and urged her to sit.  “Why, honey?” 

Emma shrugged.  “What if it’s negative?  I mean I have all the classic symptoms, and this is exactly how I felt with Hope, but….I mean, we had such a hard time getting pregnant with Hope. What if this is just some weird flu or something?  Killian and I are already excited about Baby Swan-Jones #2.  If it turns out he or she isn’t actually on the way…” 

Snow reached over and hugged Emma.  “For what it’s worth, from what your father told me, I really, really don’t think this is a false alarm, but if it is…” Snow shrugged. “Well if it is a false alarm, you and Killian can have lots of fun trying to make it a reality over the next few months.” 

“Mom!” Emma said. 

Snow shrugged again, a wicked grin on her face.  “Remember, I know how much you and Killian enjoy…pancakes.” 

Emma made her hasty exit, opting to check on the kids before her mother started talking about her own taco sessions with David.

Still, apart from the very uncomfortable thought of discussing her sex life with her mother, Snow had a point.  What did she and Killian have to lose?  She resolved she’d take the pregnancy test the very next day. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

The next afternoon, around nap time. 

Hope Swan-Jones was not happy.  

She wasn’t sleepy.  Why did Mama make her take naps?  Sleeping was no fun at all!  Uncle Neal didn’t have to take naps; why should she? 

She’d asked Mama that one day, and Mama said it was because Neal was twelve years old.  Twelve-year-olds didn’t have to take naps. 

Hope wished she was twelve.  Not three. 

Hope glanced over at the shelf high on the wall and noticed Eli the Elf peering down at her.  She stuck her small, pink tongue out at him.

“I’m not going to go to sleep,” she said rebelliously, “and I don’t care if you tell Santa!” 

Hope continued to look at Eli as her eyelids started getting heavy in spite of herself.  That was another thing.  Why didn’t Mama and Daddy ever let her play with Eli?  He was a doll just like the others she had in her play chest.  Why couldn’t she play with him?

Hope knew better than to leave her bed when Mama said to take a nap, but still, she reached out her hand as though to reach for the elf.  Suddenly she felt kind of funny, like there was something warm and bubbly just under her skin.  She watched in amazement as a beam of white light shot from her outstretched fingers, and suddenly Eli the Elf was zooming towards her, right into her arms. 

Did…did she have magic like Mama did? 

Maybe she should try again. 

She looked at the elf and then reached her hand out the way Mama did when she did magic.  “I want you to play with me, elf,” she whispered. 

The strange warm bubbly feeling happened again, and another burst of magic shot out.  

Suddenly Eli the Elf stood up on his own, blinked twice and then grinned at her in a way Daddy would have said meant trouble. 

“Eli the Elf at your service,” he said with a bow.  “So kid, you ready to have some fun?” 

Hope glanced toward the door, afraid Mama would hear.  “Shhhhhh!” she said. “We’re supposed to be asleep!” 

The elf rolled his eyes.  “Naps are for Grinches.  You’re not a Grinch, are you, kid?”

She shook her head no. 

“Good,” Eli said, “so here’s what I think we should do next….”

Eli the Elf went on to outline a plan of chaos that made Hope’s eyes widen.  Surely he wouldn’t dare! 

She shook her head.  “We can’t!  We’ll get in trouble!” 

“The threat of getting caught is half the fun,” Eli said, before jumping off the bed and making a dash for the partially opened door.  “I’m going to do it, whether you follow me or not.” 

Hope climbed out of bed and tiptoed to the door.   She had to stop him!  She was going to be in so much trouble! 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

That evening 

Killian closed Hope’s door and made his way down the stairs to the kitchen where he set about preparing a nice steaming mug of hot cocoa. 

He had a feeling Swan would need it after the day she’d had. 

Killian had come home from the station, smile on his lips and spring in his step…only to find the living room in shambles and Emma on the couch crying. 

He’d rushed to her.  “Swan!  What happened?  Are you hurt?  Is Hope alright?” 

Emma swiped at her cheeks and got to her feet.  “We’re fine, Killian,” she rushed to reassure, stepping into his arms and burying her face in his chest.  “It’s just…I’m so damn tired, and she was supposed to be napping, and I come downstairs, and…well, just look!” 

Emma gestured to the living room.  The bottom half of the Christmas tree was completely bare, the baubles that had previously adorned its branches were strewn over the floor, a couple of the delicate glass ones broken against the hearth. 

His eyes widened.  Hope had done this? 

“Swan, there must be some mistake,” he said, “Hope is mischievous, to be sure, but she’s never blatantly engaged in destruction and she loves our Christmas tree.” 

Emma collapsed on the couch, pulling him with her.  “She was in here, Killian,” Emma said, one fat tear of exhaustion rolling down her face.  “I caught her red-handed.  Literally.  She was holding that stupid red Santa ornament in her hand when I showed up.  When I asked her what she was doing, she lied to me. Lied right to my face.” 

“That doesn’t sound like my lass at all,” Killian said, his brow furrowing as he wrapped his wife in his comforting embrace.  “I’ve never known her to speak a falsehood.  What happened?” 

“She told me…get this…she told me Eli the Elf did it!  That damn elf on the shelf was lying on the ground next to the tree.  Not only did she disobey me and leave her room during naptime, she somehow got her hands on the elf, went on a tree destroying spree, and then lied to me.  Killian, I don’t even know what to do with her anymore!” 

Emma started crying in earnest, and Killian hugged her to him, rocking her slightly and caressing her hair.  “Where is the lass now, love?” 

“She’s in her room,” Emma said, voice thick with tears.  “I…Killian, I kind of lost my temper.  I raised my voice a little.  She looked so surprised and almost, I don’t know, betrayed.  I sent her to her room, because apparently I can’t parent worth a crap, but I wanted a chance to cool down before I said anything else to her that I might regret.” 

“Sh,” Killian said. “Emma you are a wonderful mother.  Never doubt that.  We all lose our temper and have moments we aren’t particularly proud of.  We’ll sort this out.  Together.” 

He’d stayed with Emma a few more moments, holding her as she cried, and then he’d gone to have a talk with Hope. 

Now, 20 minutes later, steaming mug of cocoa in hand, he returned to the Christmas carnage that was their living room. 

Emma took the cocoa with a grateful smile.  “How is she?”

Killian’s brow furrowed.  “She’s settled for the moment, and she seems quite apologetic over what happened.  What say we put this tree to rights, aye?” 

“Killian, you don’t have to…” she called after him as he began gathering discarded ornaments and placing them on the tree.  “I can just zap it with my magic…” 

“Nonsense, love,” he said, “you’re exhausted and at your wits end.  Rest, let me handle this.”

He made quick work of righting the tree as he heard Emma sigh behind him.  As he worked, his brow furrowed.  He knew Emma was upset after her difficult day with Hope, but he knew Emma Swan-Jones, perhaps better than she knew herself.  There was something else on her mind, something else that was causing her significant distress. 

Killian set the last bauble on the tree and then sat beside his wife, opening his arms and waiting for her to settle against him before he spoke. 

“Swan, I know when your heart is heavy,” he said.  “Share your burden with me.  What’s amiss?” 

“Well Hope…” 

He stopped her with a gentle finger to her lips.  “Aye, she’s been rather difficult today, but there’s more isn’t there?”

She glanced aside, before reaching for the small box on the coffee table and handing it to him.   

He glanced at it, noting it was one of those wands that could tell if a woman was with child. 

“Swan…?” 

“I…I thought I should take the test,” Emma said, voice thick, “you know, to make sure we’re really pregnant like we think we are.”

“But it’s still in its box unopened.” 

“Yeah,” she said, glancing aside.  “I wanted to wait for you to take it, and then…” 

“Then?” He prompted. 

“Well I got scared.” 

“Of what?” he said, hugging her to him, “what frightens you?” 

She was quiet for a moment, taking the test back, and turning the box over and over absent-mindedly.  “What if it’s negative?” 

Killian rubbed her back in a comforting motion.  “Swan, we’ll cross that bridge if we get to it.”

“But I know how excited you are already about this kid…What if…?” 

Killian stopped her with a soft kiss.  “Emma, I would be delighted to welcome a new wee pirate or princess into our home, but even if it doesn’t happen, even if it never happens, I will be perfectly contented.  I have a wife I adore, a daughter I love beyond measure, and a step son with a family to dote upon.” 

She sat up and looked carefully at him.  “Do you really mean that?” 

“Aye,” he said with a decisive nod.  “But I can see the toll this uncertainty is taking upon you.  Perhaps it’s best if we find out once and for all.”

Emma took a deep breath, seeming to steel herself for whatever was to come, and then she got to her feet, taking the box with her.  “Okay, I’m going to go take the test.  Wait here.” 

Emma padded to the powder room off the kitchen, emerging two minutes later, pregnancy test in hand. “Okay, babe, moment of truth,” she said, handing him the small, white wand.  “I can’t look.” 

Killian took a deep breath and then looked down. 

Two pink lines.

“Swan,” he said, smile suffusing his whole face, “it’s positive!” 

She reached for the device, looking for herself before letting out a joyful shout.  “Positive!  Killian, we’re gonna have a baby!” 

Killian got to his feet, enveloped her in his arms and swung her around, both of them laughing and crying.  Emma leaned down and captured Killian’s lips with her own, pouring all of her joy and relief into her kiss.  They collapsed back onto the couch, the kiss continuing as they smiled against each other’s lips. 

Suddenly a shout pierced through their haze of love and happiness.  A shout coming from the direction of Hope’s bedroom. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Hope swiped at the tear tracks on her cheeks.  It wasn’t fair; it just wasn’t fair!  Eli the Elf was the one who did the bad things and she got in trouble for it.

No one believed her.  Not even Daddy.  Oh, he wasn’t as upset as Mama was, but he didn’t believe her either; she could see it in his face. 

And he was disappointed in her.  That was the worst. 

She wished Eli the Elf had never come here!

As soon as she’d followed him from her bedroom and saw him about to start messing up their pretty tree, she’d tried to stop him.  She’d tried to use her magic like Mama did, but it hadn’t worked.  Maybe Hope sized magic wasn’t as powerful as Mama sized magic.

When her magic hadn’t worked, she’d tried to catch him and make him stop, but he was too fast for her. 

He wouldn’t stop until Mama walked into the room.  Then he played dead and let Hope get in trouble. 

“How long you gonna let them keep you couped up in here, kid?” Eli asked from the shelf where Mama had tossed him when she marched Hope to her room.  “The Christmas tree was fun, but there are lots of bigger and better things we can do to shake up this place a little.” 

“Don’t you dare!” Hope growled at him under her breath.  “You already made Mama yell at me and cry.”

Eli shrugged, and hopped down from the shelf, opening her drawers, rifling through, tossing toys and clothes every which way. 

“You stop that right now!” Hope shouted. 

The little imp ignored her, continuing on with his perusal of her things.

Hope was normally a good tempered child.  She rarely got upset, but now, finally this elf had gone too far.  She was not going to get in trouble again for something he did!  She closed her eyes, concentrated as hard as she could and then thrust her arm toward the elf.

Hope knew her magic was working even before it shot from her fingers, the warmth and electricity flowing from her surrounded the elf, wrapping him in light magic bands, like a glowing rope. 

“There!” she cried triumphantly.  “Now I’ve got you!” 

Eli the elf grinned.  It was not a pleasant sight. 

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Eli said in a smug voice.  “You see kid, your magic brought me to life.  It can’t stop me.  It can only make me stronger.” 

Hope watched in horror as Eli puffed himself up until he got bigger and bigger and bigger.  Soon he was almost as big as Daddy. 

“Mama!  Daddy!” Hope screamed, knowing things had gone completely out of her control. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Killian burst through the nursery door, his hook at the ready, prepared to battle whatever foe was menacing his daughter. 

Or so he thought. 

Nothing could have prepared him for the sight of the Elf on the Shelf not only alive but gigantic.  For a moment, he stood frozen in the doorway, his jaw dropped and his eyes wide, and then he jumped into action, bursting through the door, putting himself in between Hope and her elf. 

“Cygnet go!  Get to safety!”

The elf laughed, knocking Killian aside as though he were merely a ragdoll.  “You think you can defeat me?” the elf taunted.  “You think you can…” 

But before he could finish his thought, suddenly he shrunk, eyes becoming glassy, body turning back to cloth and cotton.

“Yeah, I’m sure he could have,” Emma said, stepping into the room and kicking the elf she’d just turned back into a toy, “but he doesn’t have to.  I’ll take great pleasure in kicking your…” she glanced toward Hope “butt all the way back to the North Pole.” 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Several hours later, Emma climbed into her big, comfortable four-poster bed and burrowed into her husband’s warmth. 

“So, never a dull moment in Storybrooke is there?” she said, deadpan. 

Killian laughed, rubbing comforting circles along her back.  “Final battle won, final villain defeated, and yet it still seems there’s more excitement in this small burg than in any of the realms.”

Emma chuckled and then sobered.  “I didn’t believe her, Killian.  My own daughter, and I didn’t believe her when she told us the truth about what happened.  What kind of a person does that make me?” 

“A human being,” Killian said gently.  “Her story was rather outlandish.  I had my doubts as well, if you’ll recall.  Hope is resilient love.  She knows how much you love her, and she’s forgiven you already.” 

After she’d zapped the elf, turned it back into an inanimate object and then locked it in their creepy Dark One dungeon that they kept padlocked until they could figure out how to turn it back into a normal basement, Emma had returned to Hope’s bedroom and given her a long, comforting hug, feeling her toddler sniff against her as the fear and excitement of the day slowly receded. 

“I’m so sorry, baby,” Emma murmured into Hope’s riotous blond curls.  “I should have listened when you tried to tell me the truth.”

 “It’s okay Mama,” Hope said.  “It was my fault Eli comed to life.”

Hope had gone on to explain the whole story to her stunned parents. 

“We really did make an amazing kid, didn’t we?” Emma said.  “How did it never even occur to us that she might have magic?” 

“A terrible oversight on our part, love,” Killian said, chuckling.  “She’s the second generation product of True Love.  Of bloody course she has magic.” 

“We need to talk to Regina, have her train Hope, get a handle on this thing,” Emma said.  “Magic’s great, but man can it go wrong if you don’t have it controlled.” 

Killian kissed her.  “Aye.”  Reaching down, he cupped her still-flat stomach, caressing their unborn child in the only way he could at the moment.  “What do you think are the odds this wee one will have magic as well?” 

Emma groaned.  “We’re in for a wild ride with two of them, aren’t we?” 

Killian laughed.  “That we are, Swan, but it’s nothing we can’t handle.  Together, this family can handle anything.” 

Emma hummed in agreement, and for a moment they fell silent, and then Killian chuckled.

“What?” she asked, noting the mischievous look in his eyes.

“I think it would only be good form, love, for you to admit that I was right about the Elf on the Shelf.” 

Emma rolled her eyes with a grin.  “And you’re never going to let me forget it, are you?” 

He shook his head.  “Never.” 

Emma sighed.  “There’s going to be no living with you after this.  I dread the moment you learn about the Easter Bunny.”

NEXT CHAPTER->

[fatedreamsend]

The journal of Anise Greenleaf, Entries #14 and #15

[Side note from Anise's player: I started this as a writing experiment waaay back near the start of the campaign as a way to try to explore Anise's character a little and give her some backstory from before the started. I hand wrote it in an actual journal because I thought it would be fun. These are scans of the journal.]

Back to Entries #12 and #13

Transcription below the cut:

1/26/2003

I am still snowed in. I spent the morning contemplating the pros and cons of turning into a cat and attempting to jump or climb down into the back yard. I am confident that I could get enough snow moved to unblock the door, but I cannot do anything from inside, unfortunately.

I did meet more of my neighbors. There are two married half elves that live nearby. They have a daughter around my age, though she is away at college right now. They asked if I needed any food or supplies, which is very nice of them. With any luck, this snow will be taken care of in the next day or so.

I was going to spend the day reading, but I found that game boy that I bought a while back and decided to play with that instead. When will I ever have the time otherwise? So I decided to give that 'Pokemon' game a try. Honestly, I only picked it up because it came highly recommended by the sller. Well, I am glad that I did pick it up. It is a strange game, but easy enough to understand. There are magical animals, you capture them in metal balls, and you can raise them. You issue them instructions in battle with other monsters, some in the wild and some being commanded by other humans. If only the monsters and animals in the real world were this agreeable. I'll try not to write too much about this game. It has been highly entertaining, but I can't see myself spending any time on it after the snow has been taken care of. I am anxious to get seeds started and to make more potions.

I do truly love the concepts of many of these Pokemon. I quite like all the plants. There is one that I believe is based on a mandrake that seems to become a rafflesia, though I'm not sure how just yet. I am also quite fond of the first Pokemon I chose, Bulbasaur, though he is called Ivysaur now.

2/11/2003

The snow did in fact clear up enough that I was able to leave and melt the rest in the front of my shop. Lesson learned, I now have a ladder just in case this happens again. That was three weeks ago and there hasn't been nearly as much snow since. I've also been very busy. I have so many seedlings started, ready to go in the ground once it has warmed up a bit. I've also been browing potions in preparation for opening the shop. I've been tackling the harder potions one at a time and brewing easier ones in between. I've also beeen making candies. I've got a lot of ideas for things I want to try selling, but only once I"ve got the shop open and running. I should probably write them down. Why not here? Let's see.

Candles

Soaps

Teas*

Coffees*

Soup stock

Alcohol? Maybe?

Candies*

Lotion*

Dyes

(* with magical properties)

On to Entries #16 & #17

[claymorecut]

BABYSITTING A 26 YEAR OLD WOMAN IS NOT THE MAIN CHARACTER’S JOB!

A GINTSU FANFICTION

CHAPTER 1

The life of a main character is never an easy one. So much they have to look at, so many they need to motivate and inspire, their goals, aspirations and responsibilities- it’s like their job can never end, even if the series does.

However, the same cannot be said for our rather unmotivated MC here.

It was a pleasant morning and once again in the Sakata household, our main character seems to have been doing the same as always.

With his legs propped up on the desk and a JUMP in his left hand, Sakata Gintoki gulped down the last of his favorite strawberry milk from the carton as his eyes scanned the contents of his precious JUMP magazine. With Kagura travelling around the universe with her baldy father and Shinpachi handling the dojo, he found himself alone at home as he enjoyed his day off. It may come as a surprise but apparently, for the last two weeks, our lazy and nonchalant MC has been constantly handling all the work alone at the Yorozuya without catching a single break. And as much as he appreciated the payment from his clients, he really missed slacking off like this. There was no work today and finally in a few hours, he can visit the pachinko parlor and drink sake to his heart’s content.

Taking a day off after working so hard surely feels like an achievement. Gintoki leisurely thought as he put the magazine down on the desk and stretched his arms. Yawning, he stood up from his seat and walked towards the little TV. Switching it on, he flipped the channel to Ketsuno Ana’s news show and flopped down on the sofa as he patiently waited for his favorite weather girl to appear on screen. However, this didn’t last long as he heard the phone ring.

Gintoki groaned mentally as he stood up from his seat and walked towards the area where he was seated before. “Hello? Yorozuya speaking.” And his voice was as dead as ever.

“GIN-SANNN!” It was Seita screeching from the other side and with that heard, Gintoki slammed the phone down. Not to be presumptuous or anything but he had a pretty decent idea why Seita was calling him and that too with that whiny voice of his. No way was he going to listen to that brat’s pleas to help him with his studies while he complains about how strict Tsukuyo’s teaching methods are. It is not the very first time that the kid has called him up like this for the same reason but today, he was not falling for it. He is supposed to enjoy his day and relax a little, not teach a kid stupid history lessons. And especially with THAT lady.

Rubbing his forehead, Gintoki once again decided to forget about these shenanigans and enjoy his day to the fullest. But once again, his peace was interrupted with the phone ringing.

And Gintoki was in no mood to listen to ANY REQUESTS today.

“Listen here kid, I haven't taken a break for the last two weeks from work and the Yorozuya is closed today so, I’m not gonna tea-“

“But Gin-san, at least list-“

“No buts! I’m TIRED and I'm NOT helping you with your homework today!”

“But Gin-san it’s not homewo-“

“Oh then it must a stupid school project of yours! How about you ask that demon tutor of yours for some help and leave me alone for today!?”

“But it IS about Tsukuyo-nee-“

“Now don’t start your compl-“

“But Gin-san-“

“I’m hanging up kid, enjoy your day and let me enjoy mine.”

“TSUKUYO-NEE HAS TURNED INTO A KID!”

“……”

“H-hello?”

“……”

“H-hello, Gin-san?”

“…..I’m not falling for that crap.”

“GIN-SAN!!!”

Looks like our MC has something to do today after all.

*****

Gintoki had no idea what was going on anymore.

One moment he was at his house, relaxing and planning how he was gonna spend the rest of his day perfectly and the next moment he finds himself taking his scooter out and kick-starting it to visit Yoshiwara.

The phone call with Seita did not last long after that grand confession as he simply just heard Seita plea to him one last time again before hanging up. If he was being honest with himself, the kid did sound a little worried. Sure, regarding the situation he does not have much information or context and Tsukuyo turning into a kid sounded a little too ridiculous to him but he still thought maybe checking the situation there a little won’t harm him. Plus, he can always ask for free sake in return.

Parking his scooter in front of the teahouse, Gintoki observed the area within his vision and not to his surprise, everything looked normal. The streets were a little busy with construction workers carrying a few heavy piles of wood to their designated area but apart from that, Yoshiwara looked normal. Hinowa was standing right inside the teahouse, discussing some paper works with a Hyakka member and well, apart from looking a little more busy than usual, she looked pretty normal as well. Nothing looked out of ordinary and even though he did not see Tsukuyo around, he pretty much guessed that she was alright too and was working somewhere like the workaholic she is.

I knew that brat was lying damn it! He grunted, thinking how he fell in the kid's trap again.

Noticing the silver-haired samurai standing in front of the teahouse, Hinowa dismissed the Hyakka member as she smiled warmly to welcome him. “Gin-san, thank goodness you came.”

Gintoki walked inside the teahouse with his usual dead-fish eyes as he took a seat in one of the benches placed there. “I guess it couldn’t be helped.” He shrugged, speaking in his nonchalant voice.

Taking a seat on a bench in front of him, Hinowa apologetically smiled at the tired samurai. “I am genuinely sorry for the inconvenience, Gin-san. I’ve been busy with the renovation work and that’s why I told Seita to call you. He did tell me after calling you how busy you were lately but we really need your help right now.”

Surely, Gintoki was a little pissed about Seita lying to him but he really did feel a guilty for not accepting his request. On a closer look, Hinowa did look pretty stressed and there were dark circles under her eyes. Plus, he couldn’t find Tsukuyo anywhere. Must be out there working like always. “But I need you treat me with some really great sake later.”

“Of course!” Hinowa cheerfully replies. “I’m glad you agreed to it. I hope Seita has told you everything. I’ll explain the situation to you properly.”

Situation? “Um..okay. But don’t you guys complain later if something goes wrong.”

“Oh what are you saying, Gin-san! I have complete faith in you!”

They were talking about the same situation, right? Well, of course she wants the best for her child. Guess I’ll have to do my best as a tutor too. “Okay…so I’ll be going to Seita-kun’s room-“

Hinowa blinked confusingly at this. “Eh?”

“.....How am I supposed to help him with his project then?”

“……Project?”

Now Gintoki was sweating with extreme pressure. Did Gintoki just had a huge misunderstanding? Was what Seita saying…true? No way was he gonna believe in that lie. “W-well, of course. That’s why he called me and made up this thing about Tsukuyo so I can-“

“Yes, Tsukuyo! But Seita didn't made up-“

NO WAY has she turned into a child! “P-please don’t joke like that Hinowa-san-” he stuttered, confusion and panic clear in his voice.

“But Gin-san-“

"Love drug was okay but THIS!? No way am I gonna believe THIS!"

"But Gin-san! Let me ex-"

“Hinowa. What’s goin’ on ‘ere?”

....

......

.........

The voice came from right behind him but something was certainly very wrong with it. Even though he did not want to believe it, the voice was oddly familiar. Young, but VERY familiar.

“Everything’s fine. Don’t worry about it, Tsukuyo.” Hinowa turned to the voice’s direction, who was apparently Tsukuyo.

Gintoki didn’t want to freak out and fortunately, he succeeded in that. But this uncanny feeling he had made his stomach churn with uneasiness and soon, he too found himself turning towards the direction of the child-like voice. And to his utter shock, there stood a kid. A kid so unfamiliar yet familiar he could just look at her with disbelief. Her blond hair was tied into a little bun and she was wearing a yellow yukata with white checkered patters and to his guess, she was almost 10 years old. Maybe his eyes were just ditching him due to exhaustion and he was just looking at a kid who very much resembled Tsukuyo and even has somewhat of a similar voice like her but the moment they landed on the oh-so familiar scar on her face, he knew he was facing reality.

The black kimono was gone. The heels were gone. That confident and mature face was now replaced with innocence and the curves and the legs his eyes often followed innocently(?) were also gone.

However, the person remained the same.

It was Tsukuyo. But now turned into a child…

“Okay.” Tsukuyo replied, her eyes skeptically looking at the silver-haired samurai. “May I ask who he is?”

……And she did not remember him!?

“Oh he is the one I told you about.” Hinowa replied with a sweet smile on her face. “The Savior of Yoshiwara, Sakata Gintoki.”

“Oh.” And she did not even…….look interested.

“Now now, don’t worry about me so much. You should get inside and take some rest. I have a few urgent things to discuss with him so I’ll see you in a few minutes.” Her voice was reassuring but at the same time he could hear her voice shake a little. What is going on!?

“Hmm. Okay.” Tsukuyo nodded obediently and went inside the main house before giving Gintoki another skeptical look. As for the man himself, he felt his eyes almost exit his sockets.

Hinowa sighed in relief and turned back to look at the baffled samurai to explain the situation. “Please Gin-san. Let me explain.”

Gintoki wanted to yell so, so badly right now. Explain!? EXPLAIN WHAT EXACTLY!? THIS!? The little Gintoki was yelling inside his head but the only thing that came out of his mouth was a strained whisper. “What the hell happened, Hinowa-san!?”

Breathing heavily, Hinowa finally answered the long awaited question. “Three days ago, Tsukuyo was handling the construction work of a few abandoned store houses here and while emptying the rooms, she accidently knocked over a small bottle of drug and inhaled it which was once used by the courtesans to replenish their youth.”

The information has now left him completely baffled. “A WHAT!?”

Understanding his confusion, Hinowa continued to explain the situation properly to him. “Almost thirty years ago, this drug was smuggled here by the Amantos and even though Hosen’s influence kept most drug dealers away, this specific drug was here in high demand among the courtesans for its effects. Just a small sniff from the little perfume-like bottle and it would show its work in a few seconds. However, the side effects of the drug soon started to show as some women felt their body weaken and suffered from mild memory loss which affected the business of many here. Hosen, after learning about these incidents and how it might seriously affect the business later, took a strict step and banned this drug completely from Yoshiwara and whatever was left here was all thrown out. However, maybe some of it was still left over that storehouse and that is why…Tsukuyo…”

This information caught Gintoki’s attention as he silently now observed Hinowa’s exhausted face. Her voice was almost a whisper but Gintoki could clearly hear it quiver a little and now he had a pretty decent idea that this was not a very simple situation.

“So, you mean to say Tsukuyo’s life is in danger?” Gintoki asked after processing all the information in his head to which Hinowa shook her head.

“I’m….not sure.” Sighing, she lowered her head down. “When the Hyakka members brought her here unconscious, we immediately called the doctor and had all the check-ups done. Maybe it’s because the drug was quite old that it did not affect Tsukuyo’s health much apart from a little fatigue but when she woke up, except for me, she….remembered no one in front of her. Not even Seita. And after explaining the effects of the drug and discussing everything with the doctor, he told me that her mind has gone back to her ten year old self along with her body and now, she remember everything only from that time. The doctor did say that the drug’s effects will wear off in a few days and her body will be back to normal but….he was not so sure whether her memories will come back or not.”

And with that said, Hinowa broke down.

When he first heard this news, Gintoki literally did not believe it because it just sounded so absurd. But now that Hinowa clearly explains the entire situation and especially, Tsukuyo’s condition, he suddenly feels a strange pang in his chest. “….You mean….she may lose her memory forever..?”

Hinowa silently nodded as she wipes her tears with her kimono sleeves.

“Then why didn’t you guys call me when it happened three days ago?” Gintoki asked, his voice low but slowly losing its casual tone.

“I did want to inform you early on.” Hinowa replied immediately. “But the work load here was too much and we were in no condition to compromise Tsukuyo’s mental state in such a short period of time. When I discussed the entire matter with the doctor, he told me that Tsukuyo regressing back to her child self and losing her memories simultaneously might also be a result of her subconscious trying to delete some past traumas. And so for now, he told us that we fabricate a good enough explanation for her to convince. For the last two days, I nagged her to rest properly and it was only today that she finally looked healthy and so I let her help me with some regular chores.”

Hinowa's voice sounded more and more tensed as she contined to explain the problem to him. Gintoki understood both of them were in no condition to discuss about this sensitive subject by just anxiously talking to each other. Moreover, he understood how frustrated Hinowa must have been with all of this. Especially because he too at one point lost his memories and saw how desperately Shinpachi and Kagura were trying to bring him back. And except all this, she was now singlehandedly handling the work going on here. Taking a deep breath, he tried to calm his racing heart down. Like Hinowa, he too was scared; especially with the fact that Tsukuyo might never remember him. But it was not the time for him as to act all confused and most importantly, they called him for help.

She needed help.

And honestly, if he ever again tutors Seita, he would love to tutor him with her by his side.

“…..How did you guys explain everything about Yoshiwara?”

Hinowa wiped off her tears as she again took a deep breath to explain further. “We told her everything. About Hosen and his defeat. About you and how you became the savior of this city. And as for her memory loss, we told her that she had an accident which has temporarily affected her memories. At first, she was a little confused but fortunately, I was able to convince her and she calmed down. And like always, she did not question me…However, the doctor has warned us that we do not mistakenly trigger memories of any unpleasant incident which has happened in the recent past to her and” And she took another deep breath, her forever cheerful eyes showing a sense of fear in them. “…..that’s exactly what I’m worried about the most.”

Gintoki has never seen Hinowa this scared for Tsukuyo. Not even when she was abducted and the entire Yoshiwara was on the verge of burning down. However, now that he sensed the fear in her eyes did he come to understand why she was so anxious. Past trauma. Any recent unpleasant incident. “You don’t mean…”

"She was asking about Jiraiya.”

------x-----

A/N: And that’s all for the first chapter. I’m writing a fic after so long and this idea has been in my mind for almost a year now. I’m genuinely sorry for the lack of GinTsu in this chapter though but I promise I’ll make it up to you in the next one. Hope you guys enjoyed it and don't worry I’ll update soon enough! <3. Plus, please let me know if I should post it on ffnet and ao3?

[baoshan-sanren]

Chapter 29

of the wwx emperor au I’m thinking of calling Lan QiRen’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week oh god it’s only gonna get worse

Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 Part 1 | Chapter 8 Part 2 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 Part 1 | Chapter 15 Part 2 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 | Chapter 21 | Chapter 22 Part 1 | Chapter 22 Part 2 | Chapter 23 | Chapter 24 | Chapter 25 | Chapter 26 | Chapter 27 | Chapter 28

Wei Ying has watched the lanterns on every fifth night of his birthday festival for as long as he can remember.

His earliest memories are pale and indistinct, a collection of images and sounds, slithering through his fingers even as his grip tightens. The cold rooftop tiles under his hands, being lifted up onto his father’s shoulders, his mother’s delighted laughter. The Empress of the Shan Empire, a cool and dignified statue in the daylight hours, dancing over the moonlit roof peaks in her bare feet. Falling asleep in her lap while the lanterns drifted above, the soft murmur of his parents’ voices lulling him into sweet dreams.  

Eighteen years, and eighteen lantern festivals, but most of those he remembers clearly are filled with an ache of loss. He has often cursed his unreliable childhood memories, lamenting the cruelty of recollections that deny him access to those early years. Guilt usually follows after, as relentless as the passing of time. He has never had a cause to feel abandoned; not one festival has gone by where he was allowed to sink into despondency and isolation. Even on those years when copious amounts of wine were needed, his brothers had always been by his side, prepared to chase away the loneliness by any means necessary. Without Nie HuaiSang and Jiang Cheng, Wei Ying is certain that he would have grown twisted and warped by the loss, forever attempting to lean into the warmth that no longer existed. All that he is, and will still become, he owes to them. To shijie, to Wen Qing, to Wen Ning and A-Yuan.

But the easy, uncomplicated joy of watching the lights dance across the sky, that had gone away on his twelfth birthday. He had been convinced that it would never return. Not because of the loss, or the accompanying ache which had, over time, grown dull and heavy instead of sharp and bright, but because he believed it impossible, to feel a child’s joy once having reached adulthood.

There are many things he believed to be impossible before meeting Lan Zhan.

The outskirts of YiLing are sparsely populated to the east, a few sprawling farms and long pasture fields stretching between the town and the river. They have a small hill to themselves; the ground is still warm from the sun, the air saturated with the syrupy scent of the late autumn harvest, the fireflies rivaling the lanterns with their lights. They can hear the sounds of celebration from YiLing, but the noise is far away and muffled, barely penetrating the comfortable cocoon of silence between them.

Wei Ying’s little finger is hooked around Lan Zhan’s.

They are lying down, eyes locked on the sky. Wei Ying is sure that he will have grass and dirt in his hair, and probably a liberal smear of both on his robes. He is also sure that Lan Zhan’s hair and robes will be as pristine as they were before he cautiously stretched himself out by Wei Ying’s side.

Their shoulders are almost close enough to touch. Lan Zhan’s hand had trembled once, then settled into stillness. Wei Ying can hear him breathe, the rhythm slow and even. He thinks, if he were only to shift a little closer, if the din of YiLing were to fall quiet, perhaps he could hear Lan Zhan’s heart beating as well, and discern if it flutters as restlessly as his own.  

The touch is small and insignificant. Wei Ying has already held Lan Zhan’s hand in his own, had tangled their fingers together, had felt the warmth of his palm. But it does not feel small. The contact overshadows the lights above; a bright, single point of happiness that Wei Ying would give anything to keep.

“Lan Zhan,” he says.

“Mhm.”

Wei Ying bites his tongue.

It is not the lack of words that gives him pause. He possesses a river of words that relentlessly rushes whichever way it pleases, paying no mind to his intentions or wishes. He has had to learn how to dam this river; the Emperor must always take care of how he speaks, least he means to start a war with an offhand remark. But Lan Zhan is not a an overbearing sect leader, or a supplicant asking for favors. Nothing Wei Ying wants to say can ever be simple, because complexity is rooted in his birth, his status, his entire existence.

And yet.

What can be more simple than a feeling of emptiness finally filled, a sense of completeness, of irrevocable rightness?

Lan Zhan turns his head to look at him. There is a firefly hovering over his temple, a tiny burst of light traveling across a flawless cheek. In the gloom, his eyelashes seem thicker, his eyes black, their depth an endless abyss.

Wei Ying wants to look at him forever.    

“Lan Zhan, I really like you.”

The dark eyes widen, then immediately return to their study of the sky. Wei Ying watches his throat move, a heavy swallow that could mean anything at all. He cannot tell if there are words building behind the movement, and despite the obvious surprise in his gaze, as brief as it was, Lan Zhan’s expression has not changed.  

No, Wei Ying is wrong. It has changed.

There is a faint tremble to his eyelashes. The tips of his ears appear slightly darker. His throat moves again, but his mouth does not.

His little finger is still hooked around Wei Ying’s. It has not pulled away.

There is an entire language being spoken in front of Wei Ying’s eyes, but it is a language he does not yet understand. It is frustrating and painful to think, that he may never have an opportunity to learn, that Lan Zhan may not want him to know.

His future stretches in front of him, a lone seat on top of a dais, as decades endlessly melt into one another, seasons coming and going, favors given and taken away, a continuous tedium of birthdays, and festivals, and sect leader meetings. Lan Zhan nothing more than a cool and collected face, glimpsed twice a year among the sea of others, forever remaining a half-met stranger.

It is unbearable.

“Lan Zhan--“

“You are the Emperor,” Lan Zhan says, his voice stiff.

“Yes, but--“

“Young Master Lan!”

Startled, they both jerk upright, reaching for their swords.

“There you are,” an annoyed voice comes from the bottom of the hill, “if not for the Lan Sect funeral robes, I would have passed by this hill a dozen times.”

Wei Ying cannot make out the small shape climbing closer to them, but he recognizes the voice easily.

Lan Zhan has already gotten to his feet and moved back, placing himself a respectable distance away. Wei Ying was right. His hair and robes are as immaculate as they were before. Wei Ying, on the other hand, is pretty sure that he has grass sticking to his entire back.

“Why is it always you?” he snaps at the small disciple.

The boy, now close enough where he does not need to shout, offers him a sloppy bow and a disgruntled greeting.

“Your Majesty.”

“Your Majesty, Your Majesty” Wei Ying grumbles, “not two days ago you tried to bite me. I should have you tossed in the dungeons.”

“If it pleases Your Majesty,” the boy says, “this one would rather spend the night in the dungeon than traipsing through the YiLing countryside. Sect Leader Nie asks Your Majesty to meet him at the Lan Sect camp. There has been a development.”

“The Lan Sect camp?” he glances at Lan Zhan, but this time, the other boy’s face is truly unreadable.

“What is a Lan Sect camp? What development?”

“This one does not know,” the disciple says with exaggerated patience, “but if Your Majesty were to go there, I am sure it will all be made clear.”

Wei Ying ignores him.

“Lan Zhan, what is he talking about? What camp?”

Lan Zhan is silent for a few moments before he speaks, “The Lan Sect escort. The disciples that accompanied us to YiLing. There are no accommodations to be had in the town itself, so they have made camp on the outskirts.”

“Why?” Wei Ying asks, feeling bewildered, “all the other disciples are in the Immortal Mountain City. Why would you leave yours in YiLing?”

Lan Zhan’s throat moves again, but he does not need to speak. Wei Ying understands the moment the words have left his mouth.

They were not invited.

Uncle has always been the one to send out invitations, the Jiang Sect lotus prominently placed next to the Imperial Seal, his signature replacing Wei Ying’s, who could not be bothered with such minor formalities.

Fury rises in him for the second time that night, but this one is cold and already settled, not likely to wane any time soon.

“They will be coming with us,” he says, turning to head back down the hill.

What other small formalities have been left to Jiang FengMian over the years? Many more than Wei Ying can count; if he is to begin questioning his uncle’s methods, each must be addressed, reinspected, and altered if necessary.

This will take weeks. Possibly months.

Striding ahead, wishing he could kick something, he turns to the small disciple.

“Little beast, what is your name?”

The boy grimaces, but offers a half-bow, even sloppier than the one before, “This one is Nie XuanYu.”  

“Nie XuanYu,” Wei Ying says, “You have a bad temper and a terrible attitude. Try and pay attention to the Second Young Master, and you may yet learn how a disciple is supposed to behave.”

[galassyalex]

overwrite

robot!albedo au word count: 1773

warnings: angst, character death

Log:

New role: Chief Alchemist of Mondstadt

“I’m so proud of you, Albedo! But as you know, I’ll be leaving Mondstadt with my husband. I need a favor from you. I want you to take care of my daughter, Klee You’ll be her older brother! We’ll be a family. I trust you’ll protect her and take care of her.”

New role: Older brother

New relationship with: Klee 

New main goal: Protect klee. 

>> Fast forward. Two weeks, 6:04 PM. Mondstadt gate. Log resumes. 

“No! Mom! Klee wants mom to stay!”

Klee is crying, this is a sign of discomfort, overwhelming and sadness. Running analysis. Analysis completed. Klee is sad because Alice, maternal figure, is leaving. 

“Klee, sweetie, mommy needs to leave for work, but your awesome brother Albedo will take care of you.”

Action noted: Hug. A “hug” is performed to comfort and usually bring happiness to both parties. 

“Go with albedo, Klee. Your mother and i should get going now”

New role: Caretaker

New task: comfort klee

Action performed: hug

>> Fast forward. Next day, 2:07 AM. Bedroom. Log resumes. 

“Albedo, are you busy?”

Klee has red eyes, a sign of crying. 

Klee’s hair is messy, a sign that she was sleeping.

Klee is shaking, a sign of discomfort and fear. 

Possible conclusion: Klee has woken up from a nightmare.

Course of action: comfort. 

“Did you have a nightmare? You can stay here if you’d like, sleep in my bed if you need to. I’ll be here watching over you.”

“Thank you ‘bedo, good night!”

Klee has fallen asleep. To ensure a good slumber, tuck her in. 

Action completed. 

New emotions learnt.

Commence night mode. 

>> Fast forward. Six months later, 3:16 pm. Lab. Log resumes. 

“Mister Albedo, another wonderful experiment. I-I’ll write down the results in the report!”

Sucrose is showing excitement. Positive emotion caused by a successful experiment. 

Tasks completed. 

New task: talk with Acting Grand Master Jean. 

>> Fast forward. 5:46 PM. Acting Grand Master’s office. Log resumes.  

“Albedo, I understand your request. But i’m afraid I’ll have to deny it.”

“Why’s that, master Jean?”

“It’s too risky, both the adventurer’s guild and the Knights of Favonius are not prepared for Dragonspine. Sending our chief alchemist on his own after only six months of acting is not a wise decision.”

“Then I believe the knights are not competent.”

“Albedo I ask you to not refer to the knights in such a way. I understand your displeasure but Dragonspine is simply too dangerous. You’re dismissed.”

Master Jean is frowning and rubbing circles on her temple. She seems to be upset at the remark made and also is under a lot of stress. Best course of action is to leave.

“Have a good day, Master Jean.”

Captain Kaeya is in the halls of the headquarters. 

New task: Talk to Captain Kaeya

“Good afternoon, Captain Kaeya”

“Ah, but if it isn’t mondstadts favorite alchemist, what is it that seems to trouble you?”

Captain Kaeya: seems to have taken a liken to me. Claims that people are “into me”. I’m unaware of the meaning of this expression. Is chatty and charming. Difficult to read. 

New task: ask for Kaeya’s support by complimenting him.

“I want to set off to Dragonspine, but Master Jean has denied me permission. She says the knights aren’t ready and I should not go alone. I ask for your help, since you seem to be one of the most skilled knights in this place.”

“Someone seems to be good at sweet talking. Tell you what, I have no specific team to lead but I’ll help you out. Some training should convince Jean you can do it. Plus, you can escape quickly with your Geo vision.” 

“Thank you, Captain Kaeya. I’m truly grateful.”

“Just Kaeya.”

“Captain Kaeya.”

“Kaeya.”

“Chivalry Captain Kaeya.”

“Okay now you’re messing with me. You truly are something.”

Kaeya seems pleased with the interaction.

Go back to the lab and complete the last tasks. 

“I’ll see you around, Kaeya.”

 >> Fast forward. 8:09 PM. Living room. Log resumes. 

“What would you like for dinner, Klee?”

“It’s Klee and dodoco!”

Dodoco is Klee’s doll. Dodoco is not alive. Dodoco can’t think nor move, dodoco cannot eat. This is a weird request. Conducting analysis.

Analysis complete. This is a normal thing for children. Go along with it. 

“I’m sorry. What would Klee and Dodoco like for dinner?”

“We want fish!!”

“Alright, would you like some rice with it?”

“Yes!”

“And lemon?”

“That too!! You’re the best Albedo!”

Klee has praised you, it causes a pleasant feeling. Respond.

“I’m not all that Klee, but thank you.”

Talking bad about one self is a common way to receive compliments. Yet it is a dumb one. 

Klee doesn’t seem to be paying attention anymore, children have short attention spans. Information recorded. 

New task: cook dinner 

Task completed. 

New task: serve the food.

“Klee, do you mind setting the table?”

“Okay!”

Giving children small tasks around the house helps their development. By having plastic tableware it avoids accidents. Good job. 

Task completed. 

“Let’s dig in.”

Klee enjoyed the food and also became happy talking about her day. It is now 9:00 PM, Klee’s bed time is approaching. 

>> Fast forward two years and six months. 2:08 PM. Lab. Log resumes.

“ALBEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

Klee has barged in. Check for damages. 

“Klee! Are you okay?”

Analysis started. Turn the subject around. Do it again. Pat her arms. 

Analysis completed, no damages taken. 

“Goal: Protect Klee” is unaffected. 

“Thank the archons you’re not hurt. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you did.”

“You worry too much, Albedo! Klee is a big girl now!”

This is a lie. Klee is 5 years and two months old. 

“What did you want to tell me?”

“Well! I went out to test my bombs and they’re a success!! I even added my own notes to mommy’s instructions! I can’t wait to show her! But I know I won’t be able too yet, so I wanted to show you since you’re the next best thing!” 

Klee’s ranking: Alice, Albedo, Kaeya, Razor, Amber, Sucrose, Lisa, Jean

Children are brutally honest.

Klee wants to share her bombs, you are currently busy.

Priority ranking: current experiment, Klee

Priority ranking: changed. 

“Haha, alright sunshine. Let’s go.”

“You’re not busy?”

“It can wait. Oh but first, can you give me the feather on your hat?”

“Sure!! What for?”

You’ve obtained Klee’s feather.

You’ve modified it successfully.

“I’m gonna let you test out your bombs more, and also conduct your own experiments. This will let me take care of you while we’re not together. If anything happens, tap it twice and i’ll be right there.”

“Woah! Thanks Albedo!! Now let’s go.”

Klee is happy. 

Goal. “Protect Klee” is affected positively.

I’m happy. 

>> Fast forward. Two days later. 11:08 AM. Lab. Log resumes. 

“Timaeus will be joining me in my journey in Dragonspine. Sucrose, I trust that you’ll take good care of the shop.”

“O-of course Albedo!” 

Sucrose seems to be pondering about something.

I decide to not pry, for it is none of my business.

“We’ll get going now.”

>> Fast forward. 1:26 PM. Dragonspine. Log resumes.

My sketch of the hillichurls dancing is complete. 

Peaceful time interrupted, the hillichurls seem to have noticed people and are now attacking them. Shame. 

It appears that Sister Rosaria was one of them.

“We met a girl in mondstadt, Sucrose! She said you were stuck with your research!”

“Then you must be the honorary knight, all of mondstadt is talking about you.”

They truly interest me. My research will benefit greatly with their cooperation. 

New relationship with: Honorary Knight

New relationship with: Paimon

New tasks: run tests with the pair. 

>> Fast forward, 1 minute. Dragonspine, Log Resumes.

“Paimon’s got a brain! But what is the seed gonna become?”

“Well if it turns into a fruit, then dinners on me.”

“Yay!! I’m holding you to it!”

“You seem to be able to look through Paimon easily.”

“Ah… let’s just say i have to take care of a child occasionally. One of the non-alchemy related disciplines i'm good at.”

Klee reminder.

Check on Klee.

Checking… 

Klee is with Razor, they’re hunting.

Klee is safe. 

“You okay there Albedo?”

“Ah yes, apologies. I just zoned out for a bit.” 

Commence tests.

Fight against slimes. Successful.

Potion. No notable changes.

Willpower. Failed. 

I’m hungry.

Cooking test. Average outcome, but they seem good at cooking. 

Vision test. Average.

Reaching the goal. Successful. Better than the average citizen. 

This brings new questions. Unlimited possibilities

Paimon interrupted. 

Commence intelligence test. Successful! 

“Thank you for your work, this is really useful. Come see me again tomorrow.”

“Bye Albedo!”

New task: clean up and organize today's research.

Task complete.

Check on Klee.

Klee is with Captain Kaeya, she’s braiding his hair. 

Klee is safe. 

Entering night mode. 

>> Fast forward. Next day, 11:45 AM. Dragonspine Camp. Log resumes

“Hi Albedo!”

“Hm? Oh, honorary knight, Paimon, why are you here? Never mind, catch.”

Action completed: give the sword to the traveler in an aggressive manner. 

“You into forging or what? Didn’t take you for the blacksmith type.”

Action completed: explained the origin of the sword. 

We ran some more tests, but we got ambushed by treasure hoarders. 

>> Fast forward. 6 PM. Dragonspine Camp. Log resumes

Klee notification: Klee has stood in front of the lab for 15 seconds.

New task: Spend time with klee

“I’ll do that later.”

Overwriting priorities…

Albedo priority ranking: Research, Klee.

>> Fast forward. One hour and thirty minutes later. 7:30 PM. Dragonspine Lab.

“I’m not making progress…”

Checking on Klee

Klee last location: Dragonspine

“What?! Why is she here?”

Now guiding too: Klee’s location

>> Fast forward. Ten minutes later. 7:40 PM. Dragonspine. Log resumes

There’s a backpack on the ground

Action completed: Lift the backpack

Klee: Pulse stopped two hours ago. Cause of death: Frostbite.

“KLEE!”

Action completed: yell

Goal: “Protect Klee” failed.

System status: Overwhelmed

Calling Alice

“Albedo? It’s so late here why did you- Is… is that Klee?!”

System status: unresponsive

“...”

“Albedo- you… you prioritize your research over klee? Why? Why? Why?”

“Main goal failed, commencing shutdown.”

“What?! No! NO! Cancel! Overwrite! Main goal! Go to mondstadt!! Please! Albedo! I can’t lose both of you…”

Action performed: Hug klee

Self destruction in 3… 2… 1…

“ALBE-”

Can’t fast forward. Log ended. 

you achieved the true ending | gaaaah it wouldnt let me copy the format from the doc so i apologize if its wrong

masterlist for thsi au

[zkfanworkweek]

ZFAW Content Creator Interviews: OwedBetter

Hey everyone! We hope you’re all excited for ZFAW, and to honor (ha!) ZFAW’s commitment to supporting and celebrating fan content creators in the Zutara fandom, we’re going to be rolling out a series of interviews with well-known and widely-beloved content creators over the next few weeks. We’ve got artists and fanfiction authors, some names you recognize as well as a few phenomenal up-and-coming talents, and we can’t wait for you to meet them all!

I’m super excited about this one! For the sixth (incredibly delayed, I’M SORRY) interview in the cycle, we have Jo, aka @owedbetter. Best known for the absolutely iconic Zutara fanfiction “I’m Still Here,” Jo’s works can be found at: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12312357/chapters/27990618

Tell us about how you came to ship Zutara. What does this ship mean to you?

To use one of my favourite lines from Jane Austen, "I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun." I started watching Avatar: The Last Airbender when I was just a tiny little baby child at 10 turning 11 years old. I do know for a fact, however, that Zutara had simply always been it for me from the very beginning. I believe it was during "The Storm" that I just knew that there was more to Zuko than what was at surface level. As a brown girl trying to make her way into positions of leadership as a child, Katara's strength, rage, and bravery paved the way for me to survive in the way I have. As a survivor of child abuse myself, Zuko remaining kind and gentle and good was of paramount importance. Together, they were the joining of two souls that met in conflict and chaos but through merit, equal standing, and forgiveness, they were exactly what each other needed. They are not opposites nor two halves of a whole; they are the sky and between them is only the world. Everyone has the need to feel truly seen and understood as they are by another, and Zuko and Katara do exactly that. Other stories come and go, but they're the story I come back to and will continue to call home every single time. I will never tire of them.

2. What inspires you to create Zutara fanworks?

 I've been a professional writer for the last ten years. It's my job to imagine and create stories. I also love consuming stories through every medium possible. The well never dries when you keep it full to the brim. When you do the work I do and you consume as many stories as I do and you've lived a long enough life and paid attention to the life around you as I have trained to do, to be inspired is second nature. For Zutara, however, these are voices that have lived in my brain for fifteen years. When I get an idea for a story, literally any story, it's like my subconscious is naturally attuned to their dynamic that every prompt I come up with is automatically a Zutara prompt. Such is the way. If I ever publish a novel and/or lead my own show/movie, you can bet that it's probably Zutara if you squint.

3. Be selfish - if you could request one fanwork based on your own art/fanfic, what would it be? What would you absolutely love to see someone create? 

To this day, "i'm still here" is probably the single greatest thing I've ever done in my whole stupid life. It would be the greatest honour to see my work interpreted visually. Genuinely, I'd love to see certain scenes as comic panels or something. Katara's realisation at the beach over who she is and she thinks about Yue, her mother, and her grandmother. Zuko and Katara's mutual understanding. The scene that started it all: baby Zuko taking care of baby Azula at the beach. Katara and Iroh talking in Chapter 7. Toph meeting fear for the first time. The entire ending of Chapter 6. As of writing this, I haven't updated the sequel yet but I would love to see visual interpretations of incoming Original Characters because they've been fun to create. I don't even know. If anyone wants to draw something from "i'm still here", I would like to see it. Please let me see it. I will cry. But also, I would like to see visual interpretation of Zutara in my modern quarantine pandemic AU because I would like to see long haired 28 year old Zuko wearing autumn-wear in a public park filled with flowers with 26 year old Katara basically wearing anything I wear because I am projecting in that story for a reason. 

4. Any words for people who are new to the fandom and/or nervous about sharing their work for the first time?Buddy, we're all just a bunch of nerds who are creating things for our enjoyment and the enjoyment of likeminded individuals. Do things for you and because they bring you joy, first and foremost. Everything else can be ignored if you want to ignore it. You're doing great. 

5. What is your favorite Zutara-related thing you’ve made and why is it special to you?

 Again, "i'm still here" is literally the greatest thing I've ever done in my life. Something I get commended for a fair amount with ISH is how I handled Zuko being a child abuse survivor, and his conflicting emotions with his violent abusers because he's still a child who wants his family to love him. That comes from an extremely personal place for me and it means the world to know that other survivors out there resonated so well with it. Also, Masterchef Zuko with that chicken adobo meant me getting a LOT of people saying they tried out the recipe themselves and I can feel my grandmother radiate with pride over knowing I'm so great a cook that I can convince people to want my dish just by writing about it. I'm so proud of everything I did with ISH. I worked really hard on it and I'm so happy to know it means a lot to other people too. 

6. What’s an idea for a fanwork that you have but haven’t gotten around to making?

I have this one modern AU involving dogs that I've put on the backburner since 2017. One day... one day!!! I'm a bit of a workaholic, though, so most of the things I want to do, I just do 'em. 

7. Are you participating in ZFAW? If so, want to give us a hint as to your plans? 👀

I am! I have a draft ready based on one of Hayley Foster's animatics and I'm very excited. Tumblr user hayleynfoster, I owe you my entire life. 

[mrsseverussnape]

Love Is You - chapter 3

a/n: I dunno why i am posting these literally middle of the night everytime but here we go again💁🏼‍♀️

     Tomorrow there would be the divorce suit at the Ministry. Scarlett has become worse both mentally and physically till this day. So Carina had to write Leonidas couple of days after their mum told her about the situation because she wasn’t able to help and control both of their parents and work at the same time. Leo was shaken by the news but immediately took a leave from work and came to London from New York to stay with his mum for a week. His mother was his favourite person in the whole wide world and seeing her so down broke his heart into pieces. He would not be able to fully forgive his dad ever. And after that one week, Scarlett would live with Carina at Hogwarts for a while until she was feeling better.

"Mum it is enough wine for tonight, stop please." Leo took the wine glass and the bottle away from Scarlett. "I don't want you to be hangover tomorrow."

"It's just my 5th glass, give it back Leo."

"No alcohol for you anymore, you drink too much lately but not eating anything!"

"That's how i cope! It makes my mind blurry so i stop thinking about the situation over and over again!" She covered her face with her hands and started to cry who knows how many times today.

She was crying almost all day everyday since she found out about the cheating. That was heart breaking for the twins and Scarlett's parents; Ricardus and Aurelia. The moment Ricardus found about it, he went to find Sirius before anyone could stop him and Merlin knows what he did. Sirius was like a son to him but no one could hurt his princess and if someone does, they need to pay the price.

Leo hugged his mum tightly and kissed her tear-stained cheek. He adored his mother so much and he couldn't stand to see her in this condition.

"Let’s take you to the bed mum, you should rest for tomorrow." 

She nodded lightly; she was extremely tired because of lack of sleeping so Scarlett let Leo to escort her to her bedroom without putting a fist. Leo laid her down on her bed carefully and tucked her like she did to him when he was little.

"I love you mum, have a good night. Call out to me if you need anything."

"Love you too baby, night..." She mumbled while already giving up to sleep.

      The court was going to start at 10 o'clock so they had to be at the Ministry around 9:30. Scarlett was up early in the morning since she could only sleep for only 2-3 hours. She took a hot shower and started to get ready unwillingly. She looked at herself in the mirror for the first time in days. Scarlett felt like she got older in such a short time. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying endlessly and she had dark circles around them from lack of sleeping, she has lost couple of pounds already because she was not eating at all but having alcohol nonstop. "That's not me..." She mumbled to herself and looked through her closet. Then she picked a formal black dress, did her hair, and put her signature red lipstick on. She was trying to look at least decent even she had no will to do anything at all but maybe the outfit would give her some power.

     2 hours later Scarlett and the twins were sitting at the ministry and waiting for their turn at the court. Scarlett was so nervous and scratching her hands like she always did when she was under stress; she wasn’t aware but she has made them bleed ever so slightly. After a while Sirius showed up too. He wasn't looking any better than Scarlett and maybe even worse appearance wise. He has put his hair in a messy bun and his clothes were in need of ironing. The moment he noticed them, Sirius immediately made his way to Scarlett but she was trying her best not to look at him.

"Scar we can renounce this court, i don't want to divorce. I love you..." 

He tried to fall at Scarlett's feet, but his son made him to stand still before he could do it.

"Dad, stop it please. It is already hard for her, don't make it harder." Leo said firmly.

"Do you want us to divorce, Leonidas!?"

"That's the right thing after what you have done. Maybe you should have thought before act mindlessly. Now leave mum alone."

Sirius was about to respond but Carina acted faster.

"Dad, Leo, it is not the right place or time to argue. Stop it." Carina said with a sigh.

   Couple of minutes later, the worker called out their names. Scarlett stood up and walked to the courtroom’s door, but she stopped at the doorsill. She knew if she took one more step, she wouldn't be able to change her mind anymore but she took a deep breath and walked in. Half an hour later the court has ended, they were divorced now, 26 years of marriage was ended in a heartbeat. Scarlett felt numb say the least, she was hearing her kids talking to her and seeing them moving around but couldn't react to any of them. It was like a nightmare that you cannot wake up from.

"Mum? Mum!?" Carina shook her shoulder lightly to gain her attention.

"Yes yes, let’s get out of here..." Scarlett mumbled and walked out of the Law Department.

Leo was escorting Sirius out even they had an argument before the court. It was the first time he saw his dad crying helplessly and being devastated that much. Leo was still upset with him but overall, he was his dad and he couldn't help himself but felt bad for him too. Leo knew how much he loved his wife and adored her, because of that the thing he has done was so hard to believe for anyone who knows them.

"Please tell me all of this is not real and just a bad dream son, please..."

Leo didn't answer, just rubbed Sirius's back to calm him down. Sirius took off a cigarette out of his pocket and lighted it, apparently he has started to smoke again.

"You can't smoke inside, sir. You need to get out." A security approached him immediately.

Sirius cursed and walked outside angrily, Leo followed to keep an eye on him and said to Carina "I will be waiting you outside." On his way.

Carina nodded and looked at her mum when she said something silently. But Carina was unable to understand and made her to repeat it.

"I need to pack my stuff."

"What stuff mum?"

"I resigned."

Carina looked at her with wide eyes. She wasn’t ready for another surprise.

"When did you do that mum? Why?"

"A week ago. I can't work here anymore." Scarlett was talking so emotionless, she sounded like her soul was sucked by dementors.

"Why tho? You love your job."

Scarlett just shrugged her shoulders, didn't want to tell her the real reason. She hasn’t told Carina who was the woman and that she also works at the Ministry. 15 minutes later they have packed her stuff from her room, said farewell to the Minister and now they were going down with the elevator. But on the next floor to their chance Arabelle Fullalove got on the elevator as well. Scarlett was out of her mind, didn't even notice her until Arabelle started to talk to her.

"Hello Mrs. Black, ah sorry i should call you Miss Rose now." Said smirking.

Arabelle was the last person Scarlett wanted to see right now but here she was. Scarlett ignored her but Arabelle was persistent to cause a scene and she looked like she was having the time of her life.

"Don't we talk? I think we have so many things to talk now."

"Sorry but who are you? Could you please leave my mum alone? She doesn't want to talk." Carina took a step to stand between two of them.

"You are her daughter huh?" Arabelle smiled wickedly. "Well, i am the woman that your daddy chose over your mother. But no surprise that he wanted someone new."  Sent a contemptuous look at Scarlett. Now she has managed to gain everyone’s attention in the elevator and the people has started to whisper.

Carina drew her wand at Arabelle, furiously. 

"If you say one more thing, i will hurt you!"

"How cute, little girl protecting her mummy because she is pathetic!." Arabelle let out an evil laugh, at the moment elevator stopped and she hopped out still laughing.

    Scarlett was visibly shaking and tears were collected in her eyes but she was trying not to cry in front of many people. She has already felt humiliated enough after the things Arabelle has said, now everyone at the Ministry would know about it. Carina was so angry; she couldn't believe how cruel and shameless that woman was. She couldn’t do anything to calm her mum down since she wasn’t calm herself. When they arrived the ground floor, Scarlett run out of the elevator crying her eyes out; she couldn't hold it anymore.

"Mum wait!" Carina followed her running.

"Mum…? Carry?  What is going on!?"  Leo asked worriedly and tried to hold Scarlett since he was waiting right next to the outside door. But Scarlett was having a nervous breakdown and was not listening anybody, she threw herself on the ground crying. The twins decided to take her to St. Mungo’s because they didn’t know how to handle her at this point, Scarlett was the calmest and non-problematic one in the family so no one was used to that. The healers took her to a room and gave her sedatives immediately when they arrived; the sedatives showed their effects quicky and everyone relieved a bit. While Scarlett was sleeping, Carina told everything that happened in the elevator to Leo. He couldn’t believe the things he just heard and they made him so angry that he just wanted to hurt the woman. She didn’t have any rights to act like that to their mum.

"She didn't deserve any of this, not in the slightest. It is breaking my heart to see her like that..."

“I don't know what we can do to make her happy again. I missed her smile Leo, I missed her giggles..." 

Leo hugged his sister tightly, he wanted nothing but to see their mum happy again. "We will figure it out, everything will be fine again..."

Taglist:

@snapefiction @lizlil @elizabeth-baelish @misselsbells06 @mais-e @lunnybunny12 @anfre109 @entirelymesmerising @wolvesofwinter13 @mrssnivellussnape

If you wanna be on my taglist, let me know!

[recentanimenews]

OPINION: How Cells at Work! Taught Me to Embrace Self-Care

  CONTENT WARNING: This article contains references to mental illness as well as self-harm, eating disorders, and alcohol abuse. Reader discretion is advised. 

  The next chapter in the story of Cells at Work! has arrived on Crunchyroll, and with it, we can continue the story about you, your body, and your 37.2 trillion cells. This is the story of how Cells at Work! saved my life and helped me become a healthier person. 

  I won’t get into the nitty-gritty details of the things that have happened to me — we don’t have the luxury of time. What I will say is that my most recent psychiatric ARNP, while doing my assessment, said I had six lives’ worth of trauma packed into my 26 years. I chose unhealthy coping mechanisms. I struggled between the desire to feel everything and nothing at all, where poor circumstances bred poor decisions. 

    Initially while facing suffering, I was jaded. But after several abusive relationships, my feelings transformed into a helpless acceptance that I was unworthy of good things. The depression infected every instance of my life: I stopped eating; some days it took me three hours just to convince myself to shower; some days I couldn’t convince myself to shower at all. I swung between frantic insomnia and using sleep as an escape. 

  When I reached out to family and friends, I was met with an overwhelming tirade of toxic positivity. It felt like I was drowning beneath the riptide while they were standing on the shoreline screaming at me to learn how to swim. And so, I turned to anime. Anime has always been a part of my mental health regimen. I found that if I was able to laugh during a crisis, I was able to slowly reel myself back from devastating action. Several series have played this heroic role, and in this instance, it was Cells at Work!. 

    Cells at Work! was delightful, and like many, I was charmed by its cities of anthropomorphic cells: the somewhat ditzy and directionally challenged AE3803 red blood cell; the stoic and sometimes ruthless U-1146 white blood cell; the adorable platelets; the chiseled killer-T cells. It was a lovely little slice of life and comedy venture, giving me a much-needed escape from reality.

  When Cells at Work! CODE BLACK started airing, I was more than eager to jump back into the quirky land and follow my cell friends for some comedy giggles, and at times, astute observations. I hadn’t read the manga, and I didn’t know this story would be one of a deteriorating body full of danger, loss, and chaos. 

  Suddenly, it all became real: the true consequences my actions were having on my body and the trillions of cells that are a part of it. I saw the effect downing a bottle of wine in one sitting would have on my liver cells; the demand facing my blood cells with an ever-decreasing supply of food and energy; the repercussions self-mutilation would have on my poor platelets — that doing so would be evicting cells just like AE3803 from her home, ridding her of her purpose, and ultimately denying her life.

    But unlike all of the conversations I had with others before — the counselors and the well-meaning mentors and the concerned friends and family — what I felt wasn’t disgust at my previous actions. It wasn’t circles of sorrow and self-hatred, nor was it an endless cycle of guilt and shame ... I wasn’t revolted by what I had done, rather, I was determined to be better. 

  My cells can’t yell at me. They don’t speak English. They have no HR, no benefits package, no union. I’m their only ally and advocate, the only one who can make their world better and work easier, perhaps even more meaningful. So I have to listen or they will strike and all the lights will go off. I have to, because if I don’t, who else will?

  When I thought about it less like it was my blood and my body, and more like I was the mother or caretaker to all of these little beings, I was able to do things I couldn’t before: eat, exercise, hydrate, choose healthy coping mechanisms and refrain from self-mutilation. I now had a purpose, which wasn’t so loosely defined as “self-love.” I wanted to be able to provide a safe home and a good working environment so all of my cells could do their jobs.

  Slowly, I began to change. 

  Bit by bit, moment by moment, I took steps to try and help my cells. 

  I began to set an alarm to remind myself to eat. Eventually, this led to tracking those meals to see if I was getting balanced and proper nutrition, and later to meal planning to ensure the blood cells could do their jobs efficiently and without worry. I invested in some supplements to help me sleep; I stopped looking at electronics at midnight to give my brain time to wind down. I started each day by doing some simple arm motions and stretching, moving up to walking and gentle yoga routines, to finally going for a run this last week, in hopes of helping my blood circulation and increasing my blood pressure since I have severe hypotension.

  I’ll admit, some days are harder than others. At times, I mess up. I don’t manage to cook a healthy meal or I can’t get out of bed. But these slips are tenfold healthier than my previous coping mechanisms and I acknowledge that I’m human. Mistakes, accidents, and blunders are bound to happen, but I can minimize the damage and I can try to prepare for those days when they come. Some days the destructive urges are there, but the key is that I don’t act on those harmful impulses. I’m able to control myself and reach for healthier alternatives because I can’t bear the thought of hurting my cells more than I already have. I have to be better for them.

    So many times I have had people tell me that I have to put on my own face mask before helping someone else. While that all makes sense in theory (I can rationalize it), putting it into action and practice is an entirely different experience. It doesn’t in any way recognize that having a life and living it for oneself is a lot of pressure. The overbearing crush of expectation compounded with the unrelenting belief that I am undeserving of basic life necessities. How many of us feel unworthy?

  In the face of death, severe stress, and exhaustion, NT4201 (AE3803’s junior) asks: “Even if we try our hardest, do you really believe it’ll change anything?” 

  How many times have I asked myself that question, unable to find an answer? 

  Fortunately, Cells at Work! provides one for us. Throughout the series, we see cells helping each other as they go about their daily lives. It’s not just that their tasks are their jobs and that is their sole purpose. They strive to work their hardest for the others that live there. AE3803 persists because “Everyone is trying their best. I also have to do this too.” 

    In Cells at Work! CODE BLACK, AA2153 has a similar experience. He asks white blood cell U-1196 if their jobs are really worth risking their lives for. She replies: “We might be working so we can find the answer to that.” The series confirms our experience — there are things we cannot control; bad things happen. Even so, there are actions we can take and people we can rely on because we’re not alone. 

  I couldn’t do it for myself. But I could do it for them. 

Cells at Work!’s personification was the allegory I needed to commit to self-care and a healthier lifestyle. It reminded me that sometimes it’s not the big things that keep us here ... sometimes it’s something as small as a single cell working their hardest that leads to revelations and meaningful change.

    I hope I can live in a way my cells can be proud of. I hope I can give them a better life. 

  How has anime helped you practice self-care? Which anime has encouraged you to lead a healthier life? Let me know in the comments below!

    Annie is a writer for Crunchyroll Features. She hopes her platelets know how much she loves them, and she still has a mega-crush on white blood cell U-1196. She also runs Annieme, a blog committed to anime and mental health. Follow her @anniemeaddict.

  Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features! 

By: Annie M

[kinetic-elaboration]

February 26: 2x08 I, Mudd

Finally getting to this week's episode of TOS.

I remembered I, Mudd being basically fun but not exactly my favorite, and that's still my feeling.

This is the angriest I've ever seen Spock. "Labels do not make arguments." And then how McCoy realizes as soon as he gives his impression of the android how badly he's fucked up but he just has to keep digging that hole.

McCoy commits a micro-aggression lol.

And when Spock talks about McCoy's "beads and rattles"--that voice is 100% the tone Vulcans used to use before they killed someone.

That android looks so familiar. I guess he's not actually a common ST actor but he looks a lot like the common ST background actors.

"Scotty, the intruder's in your area" while Scotty's already on the floor. He got the memo.

"Tell security we found the intruder." We know the situation isn't that serious because Kirk still has a sense of humor.

I like that Spock appreciates that the android doesn't refer to Spock as part of "humanity." And he's definitely interested in the android.

I feel like it shouldn't be this easy to get control of a Federation star ship. Like Mudd is NOT that smart.

I can't believe Spock's first instinct is to try to meld with the machine. Stop being such a slut, Spock.

"He appears to have turned himself off."

Right there on the bridge!! Where he just stands in front of the doorway for 4 days, the least convenient spot.

Kirk is so relaxed about this mission. The ship's been captured and is rigged to blow but oh well! "We're going on a trip." "A gracious invitation." It's like he can already sense this episode is going to be nonsense all the way down.

JAMIE. How dare??

The last time we saw Mudd, Kirk was volunteering to be a character witness for him. Oh where did it all go wrong?

Spock is "ill equipped to appreciate" the ladies. Makes him sound gay.

How much do I LOVE that the VULCANS caught Mudd? He tried to steal Vulcan IP and they didn't like that. I want to know everything about Vulcan society tbqh.

So gross how obvious it is that Mudd is fucking the androids.

The irony of Mudd's situation: a prisoner who can have whatever he wants, but still a prisoner.

Kirk is not amused by the sexist wife android.

This is basically What Are Little Girls Made Of? but like.. not as good.

Kirk doesn't like androids, clearly.

This whole bit about how Uhura could live forever in an android body... First, her interest in the pretty girl androids is very Gay. Second, interesting that this is appealing to her? Third, so this is Dollhouse but with androids. And finally... I feel like this is very not in keeping with the rest of the universe. Like nothing else they can do is on the level of making people immortal. It's such an outlier skill/offering.

Replacing the Enterprise crew with androids--Kirk doesn't like that.

Better than Leningrad...

I am intrigued by the concept that the androids both want to serve and want to study people. Like it does make sense, they can't serve if they don't understand, but it has just that little bit of subtle creepiness to it, which I appreciate.

Kirk cannot be bought. I love episodes where everyone else is, to some extent, tempted by something, like utopia or soft animals or android servants, and Kirk is just like "I'm already living my best life as Captain of the Enterprise so thanks but no thanks."

Spock stepping in to this conversation just reads to me like the smart kid in class waving his hand to answer a question. Like he was not involved in this but he hears a question and he must answer it. "I know what human unhappiness is!! I know!"

THE ENTERPRISE IS A BEAUTIFUL LADY AND WE LOVE HER.

There is nothing tougher to overcome than a sense of purpose. Love that line. Honestly, among other things, I think it describes Kirk and his heroism well. He has a sense of purpose!! And he cannot be swayed.

And now the androids are becoming more like the threatening robots you expect: humans are imperfect/flawed/lacking in logic, can't be trusted to roam free, but are easily pacified with baubles and shiny things, so the robots will make everything better by simply distracting them with whatever they might want, thus saving them, and the universe, from themselves. “You species needs our help…We shall take care of them  You will be happy and controlled.”

I wonder a little bit if this is what happened to the Makers. Like, I know their official cause of death was Exploding Sun/old age…but as my mom pointed out, if the robots DO have the ability to grant immortality in the form of robot bodies, why didn’t the Makers take it? Because the robots made life boring?

Kirk admits to no longer be amused. Uh, yeah, this USED to be hilarious, but is it still hilarious? No.

Pointy-eared thinking machine. YOUR pointy-eared thinking machine, specifically.

Kirk and Spock are operating like a hive mind.

Spock would NEVER sell false patents to Amanda, she is awesome.

And now we’re officially in “Kirk versus the machine and Kirk wins” territory. I do like this type of narrative, so this isn’t a complaint.

Finally, he’s fully enjoying himself too.

I love the fake out with Uhura “betraying” them.

…Okay this is just wacky lol. That’s my only commentary.

Can you imagine the Vulcans seeing this? Not only are the humans acting strangely but SPOCK is too. He’s playing along with the fun and games! How weird of him.

And the head of the androids bites the dust, done in by the old “liar lies” conundrum.

The satisfaction Kirk gets from saying "I am not programmed to respond in that area."

And now he gets to listen to the soothing sounds of Bones and Spock gently mocking each other.

Some of Mudd’s androids have the same dresses as the women in Mudd’s Women.

Not super keen on Mudd's eternal punishment being having to live with many versions of his irritating wife.

And that was the ep. I don’t have much else to say about it. I think What Are Little Girls Made Of? did the androids who’ve outlived the civilization that made them concept a lot better, and overall, as far as sci fi narratives go, this ep didn’t contribute much of anything that hasn’t been said or done before. Not that every story has to be ground breaking, but I just mean, as a sci fi story, it wasn’t fantastic, and as a humorous story, it was… decent, but maybe not as much my thing? I don’t know. Surreal.

It does bother me that we never find out how Norman got on the Enterprise in the first place lol. Like, does Starfleet not have security measures? Can anyone with a uniform just beam right on?

Next ep is Metamorphosis, which, while it does have some uh problematic gender stuff, is also all about LOVE and has my favorite Kirk speech in it so it’s one of my faves. 

[lifeisforthealive]

So I'm watching Camp Rock again for the first time since the only time I saw it when it premiered, and (no word of a lie) I did NOT like it when it first came out (I knew even then), but I'm watching it because, you know, Tik Tok, and...

I have so many feelings and I cannot stop laughing because I am sO UNCOMFORTABLE

1) OK so why does Mitchie wake up and PRETEND to play these instruments she own and assumedly actually knows how to play

2) that's honestly been my number one grievance

3) the dancing is so bad

4) there isn't as much singing as there should be? In my opinion?

5) Caitlin is all like "check me out" and just hits some keys on a computer and random sounds come out? Like check out what, your computer? But also Caitlin is obviously cool and is one of the best dancers

6) Tess is awkward when she moves or dances is not talented ok I said it

7) Demi's voice slays, there is no denying. But she is awkward af and I think she agrees (tbh the material is not a lot to work with)

8) Those tight ass pants Joe when he struts what were you or they even thinking I can't 🤣🤣🤣

9) the lies I am so eMBARRASSED

10) Caitlin stop trying Mitchie is the worst

11) Mitchie you're not actually the worst but Caitlin calling you out was SO ON POINT

13) The adults in this movie are not trying at all. They know what this movie is.

14) PAJAMA JAM WTF just call it the paJAM still terrible but somehow better

15) Caitlin slamming it with that insult THE OTHER LEMMINGS fuck yeah girl

16) I didn't mean for this to turn into a live post but work was rough this week and it's Friday afternoon in COVID

17) No one believes you are playing that piano, Caitlin

18) Joe Jonas is a good at throwing that shady look I CANNOT 🤣

19) That was a lame insult. You go, Demi

20) How is it final jam already? It's been a WEEK

21) Why is everyone wearing pants in the summer I literally cannot believe that. Why is no one going in the lake.

22) On that note that outfit Caitlin wore during Joe's dance class was just....WHY

23) I remember Peggy's song being a banger and I can't wait

24) What was the conversation like about Joe being like the only one in the movie? Do his brothers resent him? Did they? If anyone has not seen Nick in Scream Queens they are missing OUT

25) They're really playing "Start the Party" again???? I still feel like the party never started the first time! There are like five songs in this movie wtf

26) I'm having a lot of fun, though. Lots of laughs. Definitely doing this for CR2

27) Wow there were def some sex vibes when he said that line about getting in the boat

28) I'm not high or drunk. Felt that should be said now. I did eat 4 slices of cheese, though.

29) I mean, she did lie a LOT, but kids are so mean.

30) I was not a Joe girl back then but I totally get it and surprised myself with that. I should have been a Joe girl.

31) Nevermind he did that weird twitchy mic thing and I'm embarrassed.

32) Kevin that hair was TERRIBLE

33) Nick with them curls nevermind Nick 4eva

34) JOE WAS TRYING TO HARD TO ACT WHEN DEMI ADMITTED HER MOM ISN'T WHO SHE SAID SHE WAS HIS FACE BEHIND DEMI

35) Why are we out here shaming people who can't afford an assumedly thousand dollar camp?!?!

36) Omg check your privilege, Joe character

37) Why did we think this terribly straightened scene hair was hot? Why were Panic! the only people who could pull it off?!

38) I want to hide from Joe's monologue omg

39) Poor Demi's mom!!! #teamConnie how do you deal with your daughter lying about you like that?! She took it way too well

40) WHY ARE YOU WEARING LONG SLEEVES IT IS SUMMER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY I DOUBT THERE IS ANY AC

41) GO OFF, DEMI

42) Peggy what are you DOINGGGGG

43) Demi what are those green slouch boots. NO.

44) Why are you playing dress up NEXT TO THE LAKE?!

45) The way Demi said "mom...don't" just had me CHOKING

46) OK but like come on onnnnnnn with this bracelet shit

47) Aussie boy dropping hints about the END of final jam I see you Mr obvi

48) Nick was not havin this movie

49) OK, this Tess song is a lowkey jam. Not my favorite, but way better than the other Tess song

50) really underwhelming choreography again. She sort of just takes long strides across the stage for every song

51) OK SHE WAS BASICALLY DONE WITH HER SONG DID WE REALLY NEED THAT RIDICULOUS GASP

52) YASSSSS MARGARET

53) why these flashbacks to things we just saw twenty minutes ago?! Why?! What purpose?!

54) i think I remembered this song once a couple of years ago but could not remember where it was from. Thank you, Peggy

55) no one can actually play instruments

56) omg I am actually almost crying for Peggy's moment

57) this song BOPS. That dance...jerks

58) wow Joe is so dreamy in that shot

59) why are Nick and Kevin even here tbh

60) really wish Caitlin like...did anything solo during Final Jam

What an experience. I'm drunk on secondhand embarrassment.

I'm immediately watching the sequel.

[go-redgirl]

Ellen DeGeneres Loses 1 Million Viewers After Apologies for Toxic Workplace

When Ellen DeGeneres returned from a summer hiatus to open the 18th season of her daytime talk show in September, she came armed with an apology. “I learned that things happen here that never should have happened,” she said. “I take that very seriously. And I want to say I am so sorry to the people who were affected.” Those remarks came in the wake of reports of workplace misconduct at “The Ellen DeGeneres Show.”

Viewers tuned in for the apology: This year’s season opener had the highest ratings for an “Ellen” premiere in four years. And then they tuned out. “Ellen” has lost more than a million viewers since September, according to the research firm Nielsen, averaging 1.5 million viewers over the last six months, down from 2.6 million in the same period last year.

The decline has come at a time when workplace behavior, in Hollywood and elsewhere, has come under intense scrutiny against a backdrop of protest and social change. It is a startling setback for one of daytime television’s most successful franchises and for Ms. DeGeneres, who was at the forefront of an earlier cultural shift when, as the star of a prime-time network sitcom in the 1990s, she announced that she is gay.

The show’s loss of more than a million viewers translates to a 43 percent decline, representing a steeper drop than any of its competitors. This TV season, “Ellen,” the winner of dozens of Emmys since its start in 2003, is no longer in the same league as traditional rivals like “Dr. Phil” (3.1 million) and “Live: With Kelly and Ryan” (2.7 million). Now it finds itself uncomfortably close to shows hosted by Maury Povich (1.4 million), Kelly Clarkson (1.3 million), Rachael Ray (1.2 million), Tamron Hall (1.1 million) and Jerry Springer’s former security guard Steve Wilkos (1.1 million).

The loss of viewers includes a 38 percent decline in her core audience, adult women under 54, according to Nielsen. And it appears to have put a dent in the show’s ad revenue. From September to January of the 2019-20 season, “Ellen” brought in $131 million from advertisers, according to the research firm Kantar. That has fallen to $105 million for the same period in 2020-21, a drop of about 20 percent.

Ms. DeGeneres, 63, has publicly mused on the possibility of leaving the show in recent years, and the spotlight on her workplace troubles has added to the questions about her future. Her talk-show contract runs through next year. Warner Bros., the division of AT&T’s WarnerMedia that produces “Ellen,” confirmed that the show would return for a 19th season in September, after her usual summer hiatus. A spokeswoman for Ms. DeGeneres declined to comment when asked if the 2021-22 television season would be her last.

“‘The Ellen DeGeneres Show’ remains one of the top three highest-rated syndicated talk shows this season,” David McGuire, an executive vice president of programming at Telepictures, a Warner Bros. subsidiary, said in a statement. He suggested other reasons for the decline, like changing viewing habits during the pandemic.

“While broadcast is down across the board and Covid has been challenging for production, we are looking forward to bringing back our live audiences and a 19th season filled with all of the hilarious and heartwarming moments that have made ‘Ellen’ one of the longest running and most successful talk shows in history,” he added.

Whether or not the next season of “Ellen” is its last, WarnerMedia and Ms. DeGeneres are together for the long haul. In 2019, the company made a deal with her to produce four programs for its HBO Max streaming platform, including a home-design challenge series; a dating show; an animated show, “Little Ellen”; and a documentary series on inventors made in conjunction with the Albert Einstein estate. (In another deal, she recently signed a multiyear pact with Discovery to produce natural history documentaries and series.)

Public perception of Ms. DeGeneres started to change in July when BuzzFeed reported that several of the show’s former and current staff members said they had confronted “racism, fear and intimidation” on the set. Several staff members also said producers had sexually harassed them. Warner Bros. investigated the workplace and found “deficiencies.” Three high-level producers were fired, including Ed Glavin, an executive producer; Jonathan Norman, a co-executive producer; and Kevin Leman, the head writer. Ms. DeGeneres apologized to her staff before addressing her viewers in September.

Some observers believe the accusations may have weakened Ms. DeGeneres’s relationship with her audience. The host built her show as an oasis from the outside world, a place of goofy dancing, light jokes, cash giveaways to surprised audience members and high-wattage celebrity guests. Several years ago, she adopted “be kind” as her motto, in response to the suicide of Tyler Clementi, a gay college student who took his own life after being bullied.

“Her brand is not just being fairly nice — it is ‘Be Kind,’” said Stephen Galloway, the dean of Chapman University’s Dodge College of film and media arts. “She’s chosen two words to stamp herself. You cannot have hypocrisy better defined than when you’ve chosen those two words to define yourself and everyone is seeing the opposite is true inside your show.

“The reason the incident with the producers was such a difficult and perilous moment is it’s the first time where something surfaced to indicate that a family — Ellen’s own professional family — was dysfunctional,” he continued.

Ms. DeGeneres referred to her motto in her on-air apology. “Being known as the Be Kind Lady is a tricky position to be in,” she said. “So let me give you some advice. If anyone is thinking of changing their title or giving yourself a nickname, do not go with the Be Kind Lady.” She added that she was indeed the cheerful person she appeared to be on television, but was also someone who experienced moments of sadness, anxiety and impatience.

In addition to her daytime show, Ms. DeGeneres is also a prime-time star for NBC — and her show for that network, “Ellen’s Game of Games,” also a Warner production, has lost 32 percent of its viewers this season, as well as 35 percent in the adult demographic important to advertisers.

Even with the complications affecting all talk shows during the pandemic, “Ellen,” with its loss of 43 percent of its audience, has suffered a steeper decline than its rivals. “Dr. Phil” is down 22 percent, and “The Kelly Clarkson” show has lost 26 percent of its viewers. Kelly Ripa and Ryan Seacrest’s show has just lost 3 percent, and “Tamron Hall” is down 9 percent.

Ms. DeGeneres beat the odds to make her show a success. There is a television graveyard filled with the comics, actors, anchors and reality stars who have taken a crack at syndicated talk shows only to be yanked off the air because of low ratings. And when “Ellen” premiered, she also had to overcome the hesitancy of affiliate managers who thought an openly gay person could not connect with the women who make up most of the daytime audience. Her quick wit and approachable manner earned her millions of fans and ultimately a plum late-afternoon slot in most markets. As recently as a few years ago, the show was drawing roughly three million viewers an episode.

As Ms. DeGeneres fights through a loss in popularity, she has turned to celebrity friends to help her make the case that there is not much difference between the on-camera Ellen and the real Ellen. When Michelle Obama was a virtual guest last week, she spoke warmly about the time she went to Ms. DeGeneres’s house and they played a piano duet together. A video clip of the pair at the piano was shown.

Another recent guest, Jennifer Garner, also appearing remotely, raced to her hotel room balcony at the host’s request to tell passers-by how much she adored Ms. DeGeneres. “I love her!” Ms. Garner shouted. “She’s kind! She’s a humanitarian! She loves animals!”

By John Koblin

The post Ellen DeGeneres Loses 1 Million Viewers After Apologies for Toxic Workplace appeared first on New York Times.

[sharpnothashtag]

Chapter 41, The Good Ship CrushWay

If you’re keeping track at home (as I’m sure none of you are) this is the beginning of season three!  This began as an idea back in the summer of 2018, when I read all of my friend’s CrushWay fanfic (a considerable amount) in one day. (https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophieD?fbclid=IwAR3H_Q6kcXZThegwEHFBsggHvRXzjNORwNCBTAWq-Fmzmxp5yD1XXrCdO70)  I thought to myself: “What if I took that ship and MADE IT MY OWN?!”  Out of that was birthed whatever this has become.  It has been a great source of solace and silliness in 2020, which could have used more of both of those things. As a general PSA, I should probably state here what I’ve said multiple times in conversation about this fic: I do not claim that this fic is actually any good.  It is, however, a ship-ton of fun! (Author’s note: I’m ret-coning something from the very very first episode.  It is the year 2375.  The first episode occurs in 2373.) With that being said, let’s start off season three the way it should be started: with a Data episode!

Data is practicing violin in his quarters.  His doorbell rings.

Data: (putting down his violin) Enter. Bev: (entering, clearly excited) I got it! Data: (mirroring her excitement) May I see it? (Bev nods excitedly.  She pulls out a golden band with a single emerald in the center.) Was it altered?  Other than it being sized, of course. Bev: It was my idea to include her birthstone, but her father’s ring was just the perfect idea.  I am a bit jealous that I didn’t think of that before Gretchen mentioned it. Data: Kathryn will love it.  Beverly, may I pose a semi-rhetorical question to you? (Bev giggles a little and nods.) Who would have thought that you would be marrying again--and for that matter, marrying someone younger than you? Bev: (feigning insult) You don’t have to rub it in.  (small smile to show that she’s kidding) Just because Kate is 39 and I’m...(she can’t bring herself to say it)  Data: 51 years, two months-- Bev: Yes.  Somehow I always forget that you do that.  Now...is everything prepared? Data: Yes, Beverly.  The crew is to report to the Promenade at 2100 hours to celebrate.  Worf and DeAnna are making a trip for this occasion.   Bev: He’s been baking, hasn’t he? Data: Yes.  He seems quite pleased with his efforts.  DeAnna is, of course, supplying a chocolate bar of sorts. Bev: Wesley said he’s bringing his dom-jot board. (Data moves his head in a very Data way.) What is it? Data: I made a connection I had not made before.  Wesley is twenty seven now, correct? Bev: (blinking, realizing Wesley is older than she was when she had him) Yes.  Well, 26.  His birthday is next week, though. Data: And he is coming in on the Rogelio with the graduates of Counselor Troi’s program? Bev: Yes, the academy is hosting the graduation.  Wesley has been catching up with Boothby for a few days, so he decided to go to the graduation to support Patrick and then come back here for the party.  What is the connection? Data: You know about Kathryn’s new post, correct? Bev: Of course I do; it’s OUR new post--all three of us.  (impatiently) What connection did you make, Data? Data: One of our newest academy graduates is coming to be a part of the crew.  Their name is Daneel Akares. Bev: Hmm, strong Bajoran name.  Why him, though? Data: Them, Beverly. Bev: Sorry, them.  Why did you make the connection from them to Wesley? Data: They have the same January 11th birthday.  And they bear a striking resemblance to Wesley. Bev: ...is that all? Data: No.  There is one more curious similarity. Bev: Which is? Data: When Daneel was 13, they ran away to go undercover to the Cardassians in disguise.   Bev: (horrified) They’re a  Zoma Devo’tá? Data: (gently) They were.  Daneel did some damage, escaped, and returned to their parents.  Together, they fled to an underground shelter, built ages before the occupation.  While they were there, the story goes that Daneel built an undetectable communications system, where they could intercept messages from the Cardassian military and alter them to redirect troops away from Bajoran forces.  They became an exceptional strategist--unparalleled in tactical skills.  From there, the story turns to legend. Bev: Legend?  Do tell. Data: The Traveler appeared. Bev: The Traveler?  There’s a name I haven’t heard in ages. Data: One day, there was a bit of a cave-in.  Daneel had managed to fit a few families into their shelter, and the militia had been leaving food at an undisclosed location.  Each night, one person would sneak out of the shelter, retrieve the food, and bring it back.  It was Daneel’s turn.  When Daneel was almost to the food, the Traveler appeared.   Bev: What did the Traveler say? Data: The Traveler said he was looking for you. Bev: Wait.  Me?  Me, Beverly Crusher? Data: Yes. Bev: Why me? Data: The Traveler noticed you were caught in that warp bubble Wesley created, and he was looking for you to try to get you out.  Daneel was greatly frightened. Bev: Did their emotions activate the sequence? Data: Yes.  This is frightened them even more.  The Traveler realized he had frightened Daneel and reached out to touch them.  Something in his touch diffused the bomb. Bev: What happened then?  Why did The Traveler appear there--Starbase 133 isn’t close to Bajor at all. Data: As no one completely understands The Traveler’s ways, I am unsure.  As for the next part of the story, Daneel is the only living Zoma Devo’tá.  Maybe when they get here, you can ask them.  They are the Chief Tactical Officer. Bev: That’s a big position for a recent academy graduate. Data: As I said, they are unparalleled in their tactical strategies.  They are said to be unorthodox.  When dealing with the Borg, that is sure to be an invaluable trait. Bev: Well, it sounds as if our newest crew member is sure to be a wonderful addition to the team.  I’ll see you later, Data--I should really go prepare to propose now (smiling broadly). Data: I will see you on the Promenade this evening!  The best of luck to you, Beverly.

Beverly grins, nods, and exits.  Data exits and reenters the room with an easel, one featuring an almost finished impressionist rendering of Bev and KJ holding hands and walking in the snow into the Northern Lights..

Data: First Officer’s Personal Log, Stardate 37044.763.  Today, two of my friends are getting engaged.  I have spent several months challenging myself to paint in an impressionist style, and Kathryn encouraged me to paint the Northern Lights.  As their wedding gift, I am playing “Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You” on the violin and then unveiling this painting. I am looking forward to getting together with this crew tomorrow morning for our first briefing on the new assignment.  While not a crew of traditional taste, the people promise to pose an interesting dynamic for my first real venture into command.  Serving under Kathryn Janeway with me are several returning crew members from the Enterprise and a few from Voyager as well: Communications Officer Seven of Nine, Security Chief Tasha Yar, Chief Engineers Miles O’Brien and B’Elanna Torres, Chief Medical Officer Beverly Crusher, Ensign Tom Paris on the helm, and Ensign Ro Laren at the conn.  While we are unsure of our need for one, we also have a ship’s counselor on this voyage: Patrick TusNua.  His new last name is Gaelic for “New Beginning.”  I cannot think of a more fitting way to begin his journey.

Data finishes his last brush stroke and hangs the painting on the highest point in his room.  He eyes Spot, who is licking his paws.

Data: (picking up Spot) This is up.  Up is no.  (Spot struggles, so Data lets him go.)  Bev: Dr. Crusher to Data. Data: Proceed, Doctor. Bev: Data, could you come to my quarters right away?  I need your help with something. Data: On my way, Doctor. Bev: Data? Data: Yes? Bev: Would you bring your violin? Data: Of course.  Data out.

Bev and KJ’s quarters.  Bev is sitting on the ground, rocking back and forth in an attempt to calm herself down.  Data enters.

Data: Doctor, would you like me to help you up? Bev: No, Data.  Would you come sit with me? (Data sits down, laying his violin at his side.  Bev takes a deep breath.) What if she says no? Data: (confusion) Kathryn loves you.   Bev: Yes, but what if she doesn’t want to be with me in that way?  She’s going to be the Captain, after all.  She shouldn’t be compromised by her feelings toward her crew, especially if one is her wife. Data: Most species are compromised by feelings toward their loved ones.  Humans especially, in my experience.  Also, I believe she understands the risks she would be taking.  If she did not understand that risk, she would not have accepted the command. Bev: What if I’m too old for her? Data: (moving his head in a Data way) She has made absolutely no remarks to me about your age, and you have not told me of her mentioning your age at any point in your relationship. Bev: I know she hasn’t mentioned it, but it’s 12 years.  That’s significant. Data: It is only significant if you require it to be.  Beverly, Kathryn loves you for who you are: age, Wesley, depression, dead husband, and all.  I do not know if she will say yes, but it is highly probable that she will respond in the affirmative based on her past behavior patterns.  Now, why did you ask me to bring my violin?

Bev has laid out a trail of rose petals to the bedroom, where she is sitting in the center of a heart made of fresh-cut roses with the ring next to her.  Data is standing in the corner, tuning his violin.  KJ is walking down the hall and sees a padd on the ground outside the door to her quarters.  It says, “Ring the doorbell first.”  She shrugs and rings the doorbell. A few seconds later, the door opens to Data’s playing, accompanied by the computer’s piano, trombone, and saxophone trio: “Can’t Help Falling in Love” by Elvis Presley.  KJ follows the trail of rose petals to Bev.  She kneels down with her.

Bev: Kate, I’ve tried to plan out this speech.  I’ve tried to quantify in words how much I love you.  I’ve tried to make this some inspiring, sweeping declaration and it never comes out the way I want it to.  But, I’m 51 years old, and I am lucky enough to have found a woman better than my wildest dreams.  We...fit.  And I don’t want to spend another day of my life without you by my side.  (pulling out the ring) Your mom gave me your father’s ring and her blessing.  I had it sized for your (teasing) tiny fingers, and I put your birthstone in it. KJ: (wiping a tear away) It’s perfect. Bev: Will you marry me, Kathryn O’Dell Janeway? KJ: (nodding, putting the ring on) Yes, of course I will. (Kiss) Thank you, Data. Data: You are welcome.  I will leave now to allow for you to have time alone.  Congratulations.

The Promenade: Miles, Molly, and Keiko, DeAnna, Alexander, and Worf, Tom and B’Elanna, Tasha, Ro, GJ, Wesley, Patrick, Seven, and Data are waiting impatiently.

Miles: Data, when are we starting, again? Data: 2100 hours, Chief.  We have two minutes. Miles: Shouldn’t we be hiding, then? Ro: Don’t be an idiot, Miles.  It isn’t like she doesn’t know it’s coming. GJ: As her mother, I honestly don’t think she does. Tasha: I agree.  She knows most of us are on board, but in her mind, we’re here to be briefed on our mission and to disembark next week. Miles: If we’re going to hide, we need to do it now. Ro: I’m not hiding. Alexander: Come on, Ro.  Please? Ro: It’s something one would do for a child! Alexander: So, do it for me? Ro: (taking a second to ponder.  Since she has a soft spot for Alexander) Okay.  Let’s hide!

A fair amount of commotion as they all try to hide behind various furniture.  Since it’s the Promenade, there’s not much to hide behind.  Worf comically stands directly behind a fichus that does not remotely hide him.  As Ro and Alexander crouch down behind the jumja stick cart, they run into Tasha, who has curled up inside the cart and looks extremely uncomfortable.  Wesley crouches behind a chair, and Seven lays down flat behind a very long ottoman.  A door opens, and Bev and KJ are holding hands, KJ clearly not expecting the lights to be off. 

KJ:...The hell? Computer, lights! Everyone: Surprise! 

Tasha tries to pop out of the jumja stick cart and ends up tipping it over in the process.  It lands with a big crash. Worf knocks over the fichus, and dirt flies everywhere.  Seven sits up suddenly, and she knocks her head on the edge of the ottoman.  KJ laughs a bit too hard at all the ridiculousness, and Bev runs to Tasha to make sure she’s ok.  Since Wesley is closest to Seven, he springs up to help her.  GJ, also laughing far too hard, goes over to her daughter.

GJ: Congratulations, Katie.  Your friends/crew love you so much that they decided to injure themselves in an attempt to surprise you. KJ: I’d have it no other way.

Tasha is ok, but definitely has a concussion.  She and Seven go to Sick Bay for a quick healing and then return to the party.

[thenovelartist]

An Impromptu Proposal 26-27

<<Previous Next>>

26. Sacrifice

Marinette had spent a good portion of the day making a huge, fancy meal for her and her husband. Today was the day that Adrien would be free of the company, having chosen a buyer and arraigned to meet with him today to sign the company over. Things were looking up for him. Now, he’d have more time on his hands to… well, first to relax and recover from all this superhero drama, then figure out something else he wanted to do with his life.

When he came through the door, he collapsed back against it, looking paler than he should be. Marinette was quick to abandon her cooking, hurrying over and wrapping her arms around him, partly to welcome him home, and partly because he looked like he could pass out at any given second. “Hey, how’d today go?”

“Lila confessed my father was Hawkmoth before her.”

Marinette blinked at her husband, somehow thinking she couldn’t be hearing correctly. “What?”

“The police went to go pick him up today.”

Her heart swelled with sympathy. “Oh, kitty…”

He sniffed, tears welling in his eyes.

She hugged him tighter, holding him for a while in silence. He clung to her, barely being held together by anything other than her touch.

“Well,” she said after a long while, only once she was sure he wasn’t on the verge of breaking down. “I made you dinner to celebrate today, but… how about we build a blanket fort in bed and snuggle while we eat?”

He sniffed once, before huffing out a weak chuckle. “Really?”

“Of course. I know my kitty loves snuggles.”

“I do.”

“Then how about it?”

“I think it sounds nice.”

She smiled. “Okay. Then how about you get started on the fort and I’ll put two plates of food together?”

“I like that idea.”

“Okay,” she said. “Then you’re gonna have to let me go for a moment.”

He didn’t. “Give me a minute.”

She didn’t argue; she just continued to hold him. “Okay. Take however long you need.”

…

It was all over the news by the next day. Last week, the media had been in a frenzy when Ladybug and Chat Noir had announced on the Ladyblog that Mayura had surrendered. But then the media became obsessed over Lila being Butterlie. That was the only thing they could talk about for days. After all, she’d been a media darling. People loved her for reasons Marinette couldn’t understand. But now, that high pedestal she had been on had crumbled, leaving her in the ruins and leaving her fans devastated.

Now, with Gabriel being exposed to be the former Hawkmoth, everything was spiraling downhill faster than Marinette could blink. Her husband was on the brink of losing his sanity with all the news stations wanting an interview with him and the Agreste name being smeared every which way. And then there was a very disgruntled buyer who was none too happy to have a now floundering company on his hands. He had called Adrien afterwards, demanding the deal be called off, but Adrien had just directed the man to his lawyer before hanging up the phone.

After a short conversation with her husband, Marinette had quit the company alongside many other workers. With the company being sold as well as it coming to light that Gabriel had been Hawkmoth, there’d been a good number of people deciding to leave. Marinette decided that for Adrien’s sake, it would be best if she didn’t associate herself with that company anymore. She’d find work elsewhere; Adrien had insisted she was plenty talented enough. But she also decided she’d go back to work only after she had enough down time to recover from all this chaos.

Honestly, Marinette was very sick of it all.

“So, I think you were talking about a two-week vacation?” Marinette asked one day after she had been forced to turn off the radio in her car because every single station was talking about the same thing at the same time. She swore if she heard one more station talking about the supervillains and how amazing Chat Noir and Ladybug were for all their sacrifice for the city, she was going to scream.

“Yeah,” Adrien said. “I was.”

“Could we make it, like… three weeks? To somewhere that doesn’t get a radio signal. Or phone signal… or wifi.”

Adrien chuckled. “I think that sounds like a fantastic idea.”

“How soon do you think we could get it?”

Adrien hummed. “With a couple calls, I’ll have us on a flight tomorrow.”

“Sounds perfect.”

 ...

27. Comfort

Adrien booked a flight out of Europe for the two of them. He honestly wanted to be as far away from all the chaos as he could be. Far away from all the superhero nonsense and his father and everything.

Marinette swore she didn’t care where they went, meaning that when he told her to get her passport, she was giddy with excitement. Honestly, his wife’s enthusiasm was a huge pick-me-up, helping him forget his troubles by giving him something else to focus on.

“To be honest,” Marinette said as they were driving to the airport. “I thought you would maybe book a vacation somewhere tropical and by the water. That seems like the kinda thing that rich people do.”

Adrien snorted at that. “Really?”

“Yeah. I just feel like every super wealthy person has sat on a beach somewhere in the sun while making a phone call while pretending not to be on the beach.”

“I mean… I have done that.”

“Case and point.”

“But I thought going to China and seeing the sights and country would be interesting. And it’s a language I speak.”

“I cannot believe that the white boy can speak mandarin better than the half-Chinese girl,” Marinette mumbled.

Adrien laughed at that. “Think of this as a learning opportunity.”

“I think of it as embarrassing.”

Adrien reached over to grab his wife’s hand. “You’ll be fine. No one will care.”

Marinette grunted. “I hope so. Last thing I need to do is be laughed out of China.”

…

It took a while to adjust to the time change as well as adjust to the fact they had spent a day and a half just traveling. And even though they were in the beautiful countryside of China, they did not want to leave their hotel.

More specifically, the bed.

Marinette was running her fingers through her husband’s hair as he dozed, his head on her shoulder and arm slung around her waist. She was two steps away from falling asleep herself. She hadn’t realized just how hard things had been in Paris the last couple weeks. Everything had ended so suddenly, quickly, and with a bang. The news was overwhelming. and she hadn’t had time to fully process that they would no longer have to fight akumas anymore. Things were over.

It was all over.

Now, she could live a normal life with her husband who had once been her superhero partner. He would always be her partner, but now… now they didn’t have to play superhero anymore.

That was going to be hard to process.

“What’s wrong, bug?”

Marinette glanced down at her husband who hadn’t moved from his spot. “How do you know something’s wrong?”

“You got really tense and stopped petting me.”

“Sorry,” she said, running her hands through his hair once again.

“What’s wrong?” he asked again.

“It’s nothing.”

“Liar.”

“You’re not even looking at me.”

“I still know when you’re a liar.”

She hummed in surrender. “You know me too well.”

“Hazards of being superhero partners and best friends for nine years. Spill.”

“I guess everything is just hitting me. Like… it’s over.”

He finally shifted, propping himself up on his elbow so as to meet her gaze. “I know. My body is still wired, too.”

“So much has happened.”

“I know.”

“We can live normal lives now.”

“What does normal even look like?”

“Heck if I know.”

Adrien chuckled. “Well, that will have to be our next big adventure.”

“Figuring out what ‘normal’ is?”

“Yup. Most I’ve got is we find work and raise a family and that all that superhero jazz isn’t involved.”

“I think that’s a good start,” Marinette agreed. “But after we spend these three weeks unwinding from nine years of this superheroing stuff suddenly ending in the span of a week.”

With a sigh, Adrien collapsed on his back beside Marinette. “Is still can’t believe it,” he said, rubbing his hands down his face. “Like… we were running at full force for so long and suddenly, everything came screeching to a stop and the world crashed down around us and it feels suffocating to weed through, you know?”

“I do,” Marinette assured, rolling over so she was the one laying on his shoulder now. She reached over to grab his hand, holding it tightly. “I know that learning your dad was Hawkmoth couldn’t have been easy. Or that Nathalie was Mayura and that they were working together. And with Lila, to boot.”

“How long does it take to process the fact that your only remaining family were both supervillains who, at one point in time, tried to kill you on a daily basis?”

“I don’t think that’s a scar that will ever fully heal,” she said.

“I hate to agree with that, but I think you’re spot on.”

“Was that pun intended or coincidental?”

“I think they just pop out habitually now.”

“Yeah, I believe that.”

They slipped into a comfortable silence, relishing being here with the other, both safe and well and together.

“I’m so thankful for you,” Adrien eventually said, giving her hand a squeeze. “You have no idea how thankful I am to have you be in my life, to be by my side, through all this.”

“I’m glad to be here with you, Adrien,” she returned. “I don’t think there could be anyone else I would have rather gone through all of this with.”

“Yeah, but Marinette, I’m talking about how thankful I am that you… you’re here with me now, after finding out my dad was… It’s just a comfort that I have you and you won’t abandon me or—”

“Oh, kitty,” she cooed, taking his cheeks in her hands, rubbing her thumbs in slow circles.

“Thank you,” he finished. “For being my family.”

She felt like she could cry looking at the raw, open, broken expression on Adrien’s face and feeling the earnestness of his words. “Of course, my love. I’m so thrilled to be your family. And so so thankful to be able to be by your side. I’ll always be here for you.”

“I know,” he said, a tear slipping down his cheek. “And that is more of a comfort than you’ll ever know.”

[themodernbabymommablog]

Blog Post #8: 26 November 2020: One degree down, a Baby to go!

Helloo Beautiful,

It’s official! As of last Friday I am all done my degree (assuming I passed my finals) and I officially have a Bachelor of Arts in Political Science and Native Studies from one of the top universities in the country! I’m feeling extremely proud of myself, I’m not going to lie. I didn’t think I’d be able to do it. My university journey has not been easy, and I’ve had many bumps along the way, so I’m proud of myself for finishing strong and getting that degree for my daughter. Now I just need her to make her debut and get this show on the road! I’m ready to be a mom!

I’m 38 weeks pregnant today, and I’m feeling every bit of it. I’m definitely very anxious to get to meet my babe and it’s so hard not to obsess over when she’s going to come. No matter what, I’ll meet her in the next four weeks! I keep feeling like this is a dream somehow, or that someone is going to come and take away my new family; have any of you ever felt like that? Have you ever felt so excited and thankful that you’re worried it’s all going to be taken away from you somehow? I know this is just natural fear, but it’s powerful. I know that times ahead will be tough with navigating a new family, trying to remain a good partner to my boyfriend, and making sure we all have everything we need. It will be stressful! But I want this more than anything, and I seriously cannot imagine life any differently.

I know I’ve mentioned my drug use briefly in a previous post, but I’ve really been reflecting lately on how far I’ve come. I can’t believe that my life used to be centred around partying, festivals, and weekend long binges; I used to hate myself so much, the way that my body looked, the decisions I made. That’s why I used drugs and alcohol. It was the only time I could have some form of confidence, or it at least masked my insecurities by making me someone else, and it really did turn me into someone else. That girl was not and is not me. She was selfish, lost, and sad. I hated myself so much, especially my weight and how I looked, and that completely dictated my life. I would allow people to treat my poorly because I wasn’t confident enough to stick up for myself, or believe I deserved anything better. When I was under the influence I would feel these amazing highs, where I finally felt confident (or at least I was numb enough to not feel self conscious); however, I was so embarrassed and regretful of the decisions I would make, that the comedowns from these weekends of partying were unbearable. I would feel so guilty, stupid, and worthless. I absolutely hated who I was under the influence, but I hated myself sober even more; I felt fat, stupid, and undeserving of all the blessings that I realistically had. I stopped playing piano, something I’ve taken lessons for since I was 3 years old, my grades were so bad in school that I was asked at one point to take a year-long leave of absence (RTW), and I pushed away ANYONE I truly cared about and isolated myself. The only people I would hang around was my party crew, because I could do whatever the fuck I wanted to seeing as they didn’t give a single care about my personal well being (which I liked). Honestly, if I would have kept going on the path I was on, I would have destroyed my relationship with my partner. Eventually my drug use would have won, I know it.

My partner has definitely helped me change my ways, he’s never judged me for my past and he has forgiven my mistakes (as I have his). Since the day that I met him I knew I wanted to be with him, and no joke after the first time we hungout I knew I wanted to marry him. He is really something special. That motivation alone helped me to slowly stop partying as much, reconnect with my body and mind through yoga and meditation, focus on school, and help myself get better; and that’s just what I did. The more I started to really put in the effort to school, the more I realized I needed the weekends to recharge and have time to get my work done and get ready for the week; I also wanted to spend the weekends with Him. Slowly, the better I started doing in school, the more accomplished I started to feel, which inherently started to lead to me having confidence. I started to use meditation and yoga to reconnect with my true self, and look inward enough to understand what I was doing to myself. It helped me to not be so scared of my own mind and body. I attribute much of my recovery to yoga and meditation, I’m no longer scared of myself, and that is the most freeing feeling in the world.

The healthier I got, the more addicting being sober became. I was eating better, feeling accomplished, and most of all I felt in control of myself. I was no longer having these unbearable highs and lows, and slowly I was starting to see my progress pay off. The more that happened, the more I accepted myself and started to feel proud about the decisions I was making; with the tender love of my partner, I started to realize how much I truly care about myself and love my inner goddess. I’m a bad bitch now, and I love it.

Now the road to recovery has been bumpy, I still struggled through all of this, but the pregnancy has really been the biggest blessing and reassurance I needed that I am on the right path. It really is true, when you ask life for something, it will give it to you. You just have to be willing to see it. Only those who pause to notice will understand what’s happening, and make the choices necessary to make those wishes come true. I used to beg the earth, the Creator, God, or whatever force that gives us life a chance to get clean, and the opportunity to love myself and be happy. I was given the chance to notice the signs all along, but I never did. Then one day, I realized that I have been given everything I need in order to live the life I so desperately wanted; my wonderful family, my amazing partner, and most of all myself. I have always had the power to love myself and the world around me, and once I did that everything fell into place; now I am clean, sober, healthy, and about to have a beautiful baby girl with the absolute love of my life. This is what life is all about. Progression, change, and love. I’m so thankful for every stage of my life, because it has lead me to the present moment, and the present moment is the best drug I have ever taken.

I better let you guys go now, that’s enough rambling for one day. I’m sorry to anyone that is turned off by my drug talk, but it’s important that you guys know who I am, the good and the bad.

I love all you guys, I hope that the next time I write to you I’ll be a new mommy.

Stay healthy everyone, and please make the conscious decision to be patient and kind to yourself.

Namaste ♡