xbetterfeared

[xbetterfeared]

What am I to you? ( @ thomas )

    ❝ stupid. ❞ he said in a low voice. almost hissed as if the very question was a waste of his time and it was. he didn’t have time to coddle his children. he had taught them better. he taught them how to survive. how to be smarter. how to be one step ahead. to always be concerned about one thing and one thing only: the lefurgey.  ❝ i taught you better, didn’t i? ❞

   that boy made you stupid. that boy made you weak. that boy made you vulnerable. he shouldn’t have let her go so far ahead with that boy. that ackerman. this wedding, whatever happened there, he should have told her to come home to dc. to help with her brother’s career. she is breaking and he hates broken things.

   he would not handle anything but the best. he did not need a dull knife. he needed someone sharp. he needed someone that could easily slit the the throat of anyone he desired without needing more force than necessary. ❝ stupid little girl with stupid questions. despicable. ❞ rising up to his feet, he towered over her. she was still that small little girl that he picked up from the slums of that god forsaken village. she was still moldable. she was still to be made in his image. to be his perfect daughter that will cut better than any knife.  ❝ you are my flesh and blood. you are my child. and i do not have weak children. i don’t have children that are weak and stupid. i don’t have children that need their father to pat them on the back when they do a good job. i need children to know when their actions are good enough, and so far, asking what you are to me. is a stupid imbecile question. a disappointment of my flesh and blood to think that she needs affirmation to be know who she is. you are a lefrugey. end of conversation. ❞

[xbetterfeared]

         ❝ so you’re the infamous scarlett lefurgey. louise has told me all about you. ❞

@atercygnus

[xbetterfeared]

HENRY ACKERMAN:                                     

             there it was, again. as if she didn’t know the deal before they started. as if they didn’t know what this was. he didn’t want a commitment. he had told her even back then as her lips pressed against his. he didn’t want to feel that way again. to feel like he could trust someone, to be enough for someone, only to  be left with the cold truth that he wasn’t. ❝ never said you were, but i also didn’t say i was your boyfriend. ❞ his voice was cool as he turned to face the blonde, his tie still undone. what changed? why did she expect him to be someone he wasn’t? why was she expecting him to change? cupping her face, he looked into her eyes, sharp and confident. ❝ come on, o. do you want to get breakfast? we can go to that brunch place you like. will that make you smile, again? ❞

           ❛  THEN WHAT ARE WE?   ❜      she has no control of the words coming out of her lips  :   if she had, then she’d know better. she’d stay quiet, she’d let him leave and them come back, as he always does, as he’ll always do.     ❛  we’ve been doing this for years, hen. don’t you think that means something?  ❜   her voice is soft, sweet, laced with honey as the words come out of her lips. tentative, careful. she looks into his eyes as he cups her face  (  they are so cold, they are always so cold  )  and bites the inside of her cheek to herself from smiling too widely.    ❛ i’d  ----   i’d like that, yes.  ❜         

[xbetterfeared]

MELODY EISENHARDT: 

         ❝ now you’re starting to sound like everyone else. ❞ everything just came naturally to her, she hated that. as if she didn’t work a day in her life. as if she didn’t put every ounce of her being into every project she committed to. as if all she will ever be is melody eisenhardt, the girl with the world on a silver platter. the smile on her lips was tight before she shook her head. no, he didn’t mean it like that. he cared for her, he listened to her, he was there when she felt the most lonely. ❝ i’m never the muse, darling. i am always the creator. the muse is just a pretty thing–you don’t think i’m just pretty, right? ❞ was this a test? maybe. maybe it was. she adored him, she never felt this way with anyone before. he had captivated her. he never bored her. he was–  ❝ really? how so? were you not always the sweet boy that send love letters to girls? the boy that would open his arms when their girlfriend came to them in the middle of the night? who are you james kennedy that i, melody eisenhardt, could possibly change you. ❞

        ❛    DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE  the muses are just pretty things? in ancient greece they were credited for everything.  sing o muse of the wrath of achilles. those telling the stories were merely messengers   -----   the true work of art was that of the muse.   ❜     he meant it  :  melody eisenhardt  (  the idea of melody  )  was inspiring   ------   truly, completely, enchantedly. he had never felt like this about anyone before   :    it was like she made him feel alive. she kept him on his toes. she was always an adventure, always something brand new, something unexpected.   ❛   QUITE THE OPPOSITE, i’m afraid. in high school i was a bit of a  ----  uh, i hope this does not make you hate me  ---- a bit of a womanizer, i must admit. it was like no one could hold me down   ----  until you, i’ve never wanted to settle.  ❜  

[xbetterfeared]

MELODY EISENHARDT : 

              the weight of his arm over her shoulder, the way he pulled her close and kissed her, it was an intimacy that she craved. the warmth that spread throughout her body as he pressed his lips against hers–it felt real. smiling against his lips, she almost bashfully looked away at his next words.  ❝  at least we are on the same page. ❞ a light tease as she tossed the russian treats into her basket.  and picked up a couple of peanut butter cups and a box of cookies. pouting as they walked through the store  ❝ well it’s a good thing i never strive for perfection. unless it comes to art. oh did i tell you? my painting got chosen for that competition in aspen! ❞ a proud look in her eyes as her eyes looked at the chocolates from brazil.  ❝ maybe! you are a wonderful writer. i still have those letters you sent me before we were dating. you have such a way with words, james. honestly, you could be a wonderful writer.  ❞ leaning her head against his body, closer and closer.  ❝ mmnnn–i don’t know. i mean hundreds of years didn’t change harvard, how would i change it?  ❞

         ❛   I DON’T THINK YOU NEED TO STRIVE TOWARDS ANYTHING, mel. these things just  ----   come naturally to you.   ❜    a soft smile, his arms moving from her shoulders to her waist, hand settling there comfortably   ------  mine, he thinks. mine mine mine, all mine. he frowns at her choice of assortments, nose crinkling, but he remains quiet   :    there’s no need to make a vocal comment about this. her choices are her own, after all. he presses his lips against her forehead, hand slipping underneath her shirt. he squeezes her skin softly, teasingly, before looking at her with a smile on his lips.   ❛   i guess i had the right inspiration to write them.  would you be my muse, for all of my upcoming scripts?   ❜    HE LIKES IT  :   how she leans her body closer and closer to his, the warmth that goes from one body to the other. he adores it.  ❛  you’re melody eisenhardt.  you change everything.  you changed me.   ❜          

[xbetterfeared]

HENRY ACKERMAN:        

           she loves him. and he knew that. he knew that this would have been the easy thing. to move on, to let someone else fill the vacancy–but she didn’t fit. her edges weren’t sharp enough, the corners didn’t match–he couldn’t give her what she wanted.  ❝ i’m not in college anymore, o. ❞ had he always been so cold? always so distant? keeping everyone at an arm’s length.  bur rather than beat around the bush, he may as well get to the core issue.  ❝ i don’t recall you being clingy. what’s going on? you knew what this was–what changed? ❞

         WAS HE ALWAYS THIS COLD?    did she simply not see, before, as she sees now? was she blind, before, foolish and in love, blinded to his truth?  IS SHE NOT FOOLISH AND IN LOVE NOW, STILL?  what has changed? what has happened to her.     ---------        ❛    i’m tired of being your plaything    ❜   how many times have they had this exact same conversation? how many times has she told him let’s be serious, let’s try it again. it will get better, you always come back to me in the end.  WHAT’S DIFFERENT THIS TIME?     ❛    i’m not getting any younger.    ❜                                             

[xbetterfeared]

MELODY EISENHARDT: 

         there it was again. that charm, the way he could wrap her around his finger with a few words. the way he’d make it so easy to forget the words that caught her off guard. the words that made her feel uneasy.  ❝ no, you’re just my james, right ? ❞ a soft smile as he squeezed her hand and she leaned in, looking into those bright blue eyes that caught her attention over the summer. catching the glimmer of a smile on his lips. ❝ just a tad too cheesy. but i suppose i’ll have to forgive you. i mean it’s what a good girlfriend would do. ❞ a teasing remark as she looked at all the colors and variety of different sweets from around the globe. oh was that one from russia? maybe she should grab that for scarlett.  a scoff as she let go of his hand to pick up the box of russian candies. ❝ is that another cheesy line from some movie? who are you watching these movies with, james!  and me at harvard? what a joke! i don’t think i could survive that sort of environment. ❞

           JAMES IS QUICK TO HAVE HER IN HER ARMS AGAIN,  putting his arms around her shoulders and pulling her face softly towards him for a peck on the lips.      ❛     and you’re my melody.     ❜   he says, lips curved into a soft smile, body never leaving the proximity of hers.     ❛     i don’t think you would qualify as a good girlfriend  -----  you are much more than that.  i’d even consider using the word perfect, but there’s room for talk.     ❜   he laughs softly, frowning as he looks at the russian sweets on her hands  (   but he knows better, now, than to say anything  :   perhaps later, perhaps at another moment.  but not now  ).        ❛    well, perhaps i should abandon my political career and start writing hollywood scripts. i guess i’m what they call a natural talent.   ❜    he grins, playfully raising his brows as he looks into her deep, beautiful brown eyes.    ❛    well, i ----  i think harvard would change very much  if you were there.    ❜ 

[xbetterfeared]

HENRY ACKERMAN :

        ❝ well i have things to do. i am a busy man. ❞ he remarked over his shoulder as he began buttoning his shirt, looking at his reflection. he was henry ackerman, after all. and time was precious.  ❝ –and why would you want me to stay? what would we do hm? stay in bed? have a lazy day together? it just doesn’t sound like us, ophelia. ❞

         WHAT IS IT THAT MADE YOU THINK IT WOULD BE DIFFERENT THIS TIME?   it never is, it never is, it never is. nothing will ever compare to those seven months in france, when it was just the two of you, when his hands would touch yours, when he would look into your eyes   -------   what does he do now? it’s not as good, it’s not as good, it’s not as half as good.  ❛  well, i just thought   ------    maybe we could do some reading. debate the newest books. an ode to the old times.     ❜                    

[xbetterfeared]

MELODY EISENHARDT: 

         a genuine question. right. she was being stupid, he didn’t mean any ill with his words. he was just curious. maybe she was being strange. and there it was again that strange feeling at the pit of her stomach. feeling the goosebumps rise against her skin, as if she was making a terrible mistake. ( she was. )  ❝ –and here i thought politics made us all careful with our words, james. ❞ it was a quiet tease before she relaxed her hand and smiled at him. he was always so good with his words. pressing her lips against his cheek, she just shook her head before looking around the sweets store. ❝ that sounds like a cliche line from some romcom! anyways, how’s classes been? you have midterms coming up, right? ❞

        ❛  WELL, I TEND TO FORGET  of my political roots when i am with you.  i’m not james kennedy. not with you.   ❜     she has a beautiful smile. she has a beautiful everything.  he knew, the moment he set his eyes on her, that there was something special about that girl.  he knew she was the one.  she had to be.   he held her hand tightly, giving it a reaffirming squeeze  :   it’s me, you have nothing to worry about.  ❛   i do hope it wasn’t too cheesy! sometimes words just simply  -----   come out.   ❜     he looks around the store with her, finding that there’s nothing overly remarkable about it.    ❛  in a couple of weeks, yes  ----  classes are quite alright. the only thing that could make harvard any better would be you.  ❜   

[xbetterfeared]

atercygnus:

        ❛  DOES IT STILL SURPRISE YOU?   ❜     lips curled upwards as she watches him go, legs crossed underneath the table. she puts the papers down for the first time and turns to look at him better.     ❛  are you asking me if i’m going or asking me to go?   ❜

     ❝ more proud than surprised. ❞ she had been someone akin to that of an adventure to chase. starting off as a way to defy all expectations and turning into something else. she looked good in his shirt.   ❝ depends. do you expect me to go with anyone else but you? i mean, we could take seperate cars. eggs? ❞  he asked as he turned around to cook them up so breakfast.  ❝ you might be busy with some case to save some sneezy politician;s career. ❞

[xbetterfeared]

        ❛  WILL YOU STAY?  you always leave so quickly.  ❜       //   @relabso

[xbetterfeared]

MELODY EISENHARDT : 

        looking up quickly, she wanted to wiggle her hand out of his. why didn’t she like the way he sounded when saying that. ❝ uhmn, i’m sure plenty of things i do– ❞ a quiet remark as she wondered how to explain that she didn’t have many friends. at least not ones she can trust as much as she trusted scarlett.  ❝ i could just meet you at the restaurant if you want. i won’t be long. she’s been having a tough week and i thought she might enjoy this surprise. ❞

       ❛  I’M SORRY, MEL  ----  i didn’t mean for it to come out like that. it was a genuine question, that is all.    ❜    truth is,  james does not know what exactly it is that his girlfriend sees on scarlett lefurgey. the girl is as frigid as the north pole, and quite daft, too, dare he say.  still, he should be more careful with his words. he was told by his brother he can sound quite rude  (  which would be better than sounding as moronic as john does  ).   ❛   i’m not going anywhere without you, because i don’t want to be anywhere where you aren’t.  ❜   

[xbetterfeared]

MELODY EISENHARDT:

           ❝ scarlett wouldn’t be pleased if i didn’t bring back some cookies for her. ❞

@xbetterfeared

           ❛  DO YOU EVER DO ANYTHING  that scarlett wouldn’t be pleased with?  don’t get me wrong, i think the friendship you two have is  ----  adorable, but, think about it. do you ever?  ❜ 

[xbetterfeared]

MELODY EISENHARDT:

        turning at the sound of her mother’s voice, her shoulder stiffened and melody slowly nodded.  ❝ do i? maybe it’s the new moisturizer i’ve been using. and james is quite busy, mother. and it’s nothing too serious. i wouldn’t want to waste anyone’s time. ❞

        ❛  WHY DON’T YOU  sit here, my darling, have a cup of tea with your dear mother.   ❜     she pats the chair next to her, soft smile gracing her lips as she looks at her daughter.    ❛   you spend so much time at trinity, i feel as if we’re out of touch. i want to know all about you and that boy.   ❜                

[xbetterfeared]

atercygnus:

           THERE’S AN APATHY  to the way she moves the fork around, eyes casted downwards when not facing his. there’s anger, too, and annoyance  :  how dare he, now that his numbers are increasing with minorities, act as if he did not spit venomous words, one sharper than the next, cutting deep and deep and deeper. stupid child, you may as well have ruined everything. and now here he stands, smiling, asking, acting as if there’s nothing wrong, as if there’s nothing to apologize for. she hates it. she’s not surprised by it. scarlett raises her eyes to meet her fathers, lips pressed against one another tightly as she breathes in, and out. she can’t let him see how much she wants to ignore him  :  he’ll only punish her if he notices, she knows that as well as she knows anything.  and so she cuts a piece of steak, adds some mashed potatoes to her fork and smiles, ever so graceful, picture perfect, as he once taught her.   ❛   it is only an internship, father, but it does open many doors, dare i say   —-  i did, father, but i was planning on returning to cambridge as soon as possible. i’d like to finish law school when i’m 24, you know.  ❜   

        what was so wrong with wanting everything done his way? he had learned from a young age that the only one that would care about you in the end was yourself and your parents. everyone else had other motives. but when you cared about yourself, it was personal, it was selfish. while a parent’s would be selfless, agape by nature. so he wanted his daughter to follow his footsteps. he saw her potential. he was not a fool like some of his fellow men that didn’t see her value just because of her gender--quite the contrary, she could be so much more because of it.taking another bite, he stared at the way she held herself. she was late with her manners, but she caught on quickly. a proper lefurgey child.  “that’s very ambitious. i’m proud. i’ll make sure to speak to todd. maybe he shall be able to extend that internship. they do have a small branch in cambridge. doing small things for those harvard professors. ” lifting the stem of the wine glass, he took a slow sip before lowering it. “so, besides that, what of your other relationships? with the eisenhardt girl, perhaps? or maybe the ackerman boy.” 

[xbetterfeared]

atercygnus:

         HAS SHE EVER KNOWN  what living is? scarlett can not tell, for the life of her, when it was that she last did something for the hell of it. she can not tell when her actions were not analyzed, considered, thought out to give the most back  ———-   (  he was never that / the fight wasn’t that, either  ).   ❛  oh, not exactly. i’ve been  —–  i’ve been taking extra lectures, you know. doing the most with what i’m offered.   ❜   she plays with the napkins in front of her, lips tight against one another, and the ever growing question of what is he doing here, and why would he come, knowing what he knows. it takes her a second to catch it, to process the words that have just left his lips, and  ——   how long has it been since she heard his name?   ❛  wait, what?  ❜     

            he was an actor. he would consider himself pretty good at body language. ( for some reason ursula popped into his head. weird. that’s not the point.  ) she wasn’t as confident as she normally was, her shoulders fell, she looked like she was being careful around him. which was even more strange because he never thought she’d have a reason to careful. they may not have been close, but this felt more awkward that he liked. “you know--i don’t envy you. not even a little bit. like why would you put yourself through this hell?” a raise of his brow as her question. did they fight before he left? probably. “your boyfriend. henry? do you know when he’s coming back?” 

[xbetterfeared]

atercygnus:

            WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME   that she did something that brought some sort of satisfaction to herself? when was the last time that the void in which he left inside of her wasn’t what she felt the most, when she felt anything at all? the pride that boomed inside of her echoed throughout the chambers of her heart, ran through her bloodstream until it reached every edge of her body. finally, she thought, she could do some good with the plataform she was given. finally she can talk of things she believes in, truly, entirely, unadulterated  ——  until her father ripped all of that away, with one glance, and his cold, cold words.  it’s no surprise that she is quiet during dinner, knife cutting through steak, wine glass untouched.   ❛   there’s not much going on as of late, father. i’ve just been finishing book shopping, it’s all.   ❜  

       everything was political.  that was what he learned as he saw what powerful men did. it was to manipulate judges to make sure that lawsuits fell their way. it was to create tax cuts for the rich. he learned that everything was political from the way his daughter spoke to the marriages his children would eventually have. so, do not blame him for being upset that his daughter went off script. it was a variable he did not consider. he didn’t like being left in the dark. it could ruin everything. but his daughter had done well--maybe he should have more faith in her. after all, she had yet to disappoint him to the point of no return. “well--there is your new job. being recruited by p&p is a mighty big accomplishment. and any business that my daughter has is interesting. come now, speak to your father. have you found an apartment yet? i could ask issac if that studio with the exposed brick  is still available. you quite liked that place.”