#also??? might fuck around and make a finn i love my boi

[petew21-blog]

Bad dog

"No! Bad! Bad dog... bad boy!" jesus, now he's drinking water from the puddle. If anybody sees this I don't know how I'm gonna be explaining this

You see. The guy drinking from the puddle is... my bestfriend Finn. We have been the best mates since forever. I have been in love with him platonically, but he was definitely straight. I think he knows about me being gay, but he never asked and I never had the guts to tell him.

Today we went to the park. He brought along his dog, Max. Max is the cutest Dobrman I know. Most of the time his is cautious, alert and protecting Finn, but when he is with us, he is enjoying the attention I give him. I always rub him behind his ear, but what he loves the most are belly rubs.

We were just sitting on the ground at the edge of the park. No one in sight. Finn was shirtless, just in his shorts. I was a bit suspicious that he was commando, by the visibility of his bulge. Not like it would mean anything to me. Max was happy as always. Finn was pensive and then kept talking about his new girl crush which I didn't really pay much attention too. Not like he does pay attention to anything I say. He noticed me, not listening and said:"You might as well spend time just with him. You're completely ignoring me today."

"Max here is actually appreciating me and being a great friend. Maybe you two should exchange places." I said jokingly

But out of nowhere. Max dropped down growled and started barking at the two of us. He never did that. I was a bit scared to be honest, but he didn't seem like he would attack us. At the corner of my eye, I also noticed Finn running away from us, dropping down his shorts.

"Where the fuck are you going?! Finn!!! Come back"

He was running around. Completely naked. I looked around, but there were still no people in sight, thankfully. What would they think if they saw him now. What has gotten into him?

Now he got on the ground and grabbed a branch. With his teeth. Has he gone completely mental? Then I realised. That's not possible. I said that as a joke. But when I look at Max, who was now nodding his head, I froze. No way. The really exchanges bodies.

Finn now headed towards the puddle to drink from it. It was funny to see my bestfriend act like a dog, but if I let him keep going, he would hurt his owner's body.

"Bad! Bad dog... bad boy! Stop it!" he stopped, looked at me and ran away from the puddle and headed back to the tree where we sat originally. He must be slowly figuring it out that he is human now. Because he started using his hands as a human would. Swinging from branches and so on. Not like feet.

I ran to him. Grabbed the shorts he took of and tried to get them on him. The best I could do was to get them just above his ankles. He sat down and sticked out his tongue and started hyperventilating. Some manners are harder to let go off, I guess.

"Ok, Max. I know that's you. Do you understand me? Please try to say yes"

"A bark-like noise came out of his throat."

"No, Max. You have to use your voice now. You're a human. Say yes or no. Do you understand?"

After some bad attemps he managed to say:"yy..... yes"

"Good boy. Now. I need you to stop running ok? You are Finn now and Finn wouldn't do that. You have to act like a human now. Ok?"

"No" he answered, but sounded more confident now. He stopped hyperventilating and sat up

"Max. Please don't make this hard for me." as I spoke to Max, I also noticed that Finn has disapeared. Fuck, another problem to solve.

He hesitated and then started speaking:"You want Max. Not Finn. I Finn now"

"No Max. I like both of you. You are his very good dog and he is my very good friend. I love you both and I want you two to be ok."

"I am both now. Good dog and good Finn"

"Max... It's not like that"

"You can rub me like before. On the belly. Please"

Fuck. What the hell do I do? I am horny as fuck to have any experience with Finn, but this feels wrong. So wrong that I was now watching my own body getting closer to Max and rubbing his abs. And by the look in his eyes and now even a smile, I think he likes it. As I was slowly enyoing his well sculpted abs, his dick was getting hard. He definitely noticed, bcause he now tried to get over my leg to hump me.

"No, Max. Stop. Humans do this diferently than dogs. You're human now"

"I saw Finn with a girl many times. I'll do what she did to him." he got over me and unzipped my pants. How the fuck did he get the hang of being a human so soon? He licked his lips and took out my hard dick. I can't believe my wildest dreams are about to become real. He put his lips over the head of my cock and got down. His hand gripping the base of my dick. His other hand got my hand and he squeezed it. Did he just think about that or was this inside Finn's mind? Like some sort of muscle memory. This is amazing. I shot my load really quickly inside of his mouth. I wasn't used to being blowed. Like... ever

He got back on his back and said:"Do me now." I didn't take a second to think about it. I kissed his pecks, my left hand grpping his dick and jerking it. My right carefully protecting his abs form being alone without my touch. I smelled his armpits. He smelled just the way I was used to. I loved his smell. And I could now smell and even lick his hairy armpits. He was welcoming me to do that. Fucking amazing

I started sucking him off. He worked his ass like a pro and kept thrusting into my mouth, his hand in my hair, gripping it. Fucking amazing I tell you. He shot the cum in my mouth and I swallowed it entirely.

I just gave blow job to Finn. I was mesmerized that I looked at Finn and started making ouit with him. He returned the favour and kiss me back. Very passionately.

We were interrupted by the park guard, holding the leash with Max on the other end.

Ok, so we might have a lifelong ban to enter the park, but this day brought us some new experiences. First of all, I got to suck the man of my dreams and now it seems we'll be doing way. Second, Finn probably remembers being a human, but sometimes his animal urges take over. On the way back home he even tried to run after a squirrel. Crazy right?

And third of all, Max really enjoys being human. He really got the hang of it and now is doing an amazing job being Finn. And he is a very romantic boyfriend.

What is weird is his afinity for the Dobrman's. Like today he said he borught one of his friends he knows from the park. He spoke to the dog whole afternoon. But as long as I get to have my new boyfriend, I don't really care

Wait? Do you think they might think about swapping the other dog with someone too? That would be cool, having two great ex-dog friends. Well, depends on who are they gonna choose as the next person.

"Oh, hey Max. What are you...?" and then darkness

[themultifandomgal]

Hey you! I just read that you take requests for peaky blinders and I’m wondering if you could maybe write something for John x reader? Like from s1 when he calls for a family meeting, that he wants to marry Lizzie. But reader is there maybe she works with Grace at the bar and has known John since they were young. She was in love with him but he married Martha, reader helped with their kids and her births and when his wife died she stayed around to help John. But he never thought she looked at him like anything more than a brother. But Polly knew and Tommy too, so when John asks them about Lizzie in front of you. They all tell him he’s blind to not see how reader loves him and his kids. She is really sad cause she thinks he’s going through with the wedding to Lizzie but when he gets home that night and she’s watching the kids he finally talks to her and asks her how she really feels. Like he would see her in such a loving way he couldn’t even consider she’d ever want a man like him. A real cute ending would be lovely

John Shelby- Tell Me The Truth Pt1

I just realised writing this how similar to my last request this one is so this time I’ve used actual dialogue from the season 1. Might make this one into a little series. Hope you enjoy.

Also trigger warnings- swearing, talking about vomit, violence, the usual peaky blinders stuff.

“Oh for fucks sake” YN groans as a man vomits at the bar “I gotta clean that up now, fucking twat go ‘ome to ya wife”

“Why d’ya think I’m ‘ere love” the chap wipes the vomit from his mouth making YN shudder a little. Rolling her eyes YN goes to get her mop and bucket while she leaves Freddie and Tommy to talk, although knowing it may end up in someone getting hurt

“Hi YN” Finn, the youngest Shelby sibling says smiling at her

“Hey Finn, why aren’t ya at school” the boy shrugs his shoulders

“Borin’”

“It may be borin’ but do ya wanna end up like ya brothers? an alcoholic, an other a deceiver, another married at 17 because he fucked some poor girl. Get yourself some juice then head back to school”

“Fine” the boy whines but does as he’s told, well kind off. YN doesn’t need to know that he’s took the juice and headed off home.

Walking back to the bar with a mop and bucket and some other cleaning supplies, she now sees Tommy and Freddie holding Danny up. Glass and chairs thrown everywhere

“Oh hell did I do it again?” he asks

“You did it again Danny”

“Miss YN I’m so sorry” Danny cries

“It’s ok Danny” YN says sympathising with him. She knows better than anyone how the war has changed so many people and families. She worked as a nurse to help the injured soldiers. Combat Fatigue, or shell shock is what they called it when men would return home, but they weren’t themselves. Unfortunately Danny, once a sweet caring man, now has moments where he forgets where he is. Just a noise could set him off. Knowing this YN knows that she shouldn’t be harsh on him. It’s not his fault

“Mr Shelby you have to do something about him”

“Damn right Harry. You pay the peaky blinders a lot of money for protection. Your the law around here now, aren’t ya Tommy?” Freddie say as Tommy takes a swig of whiskey

“And what would you suggest? Hm? Putting a bullet through his head? Kill an innocent man? Thought you would have done enough of that during the war”

“YN back to work” Harry says pointing at the girl

“Sorry ‘man’s business’ right? that’s a load of fucking bollocks and you know that”

“Harry get YN to drop the bill off at the betting shop. We’ll take care of this” Tommy says putting his cap back on and walking out of the bar

“I don’t know why you’re still involved with that lot” Harry mutters grabbing a broom. YN shrugs

“Grew up with John boy didn’t I. They’re family”

“Yet the man you love married another. I’d leave them before they break you” with that Harry gets to sweeping the floor. What Harry said hurt YN, not the part about them breaking her, no. They wouldn’t do that, the Shelby’s all treat YN as family. The part that hurt YN was that John married Martha, YN’s best friend. Tommy always said it was only because he got her pregnant and wanted to do the right thing, but YN always wondered if he hadn’t of got Martha pregnant would he have ever married her? Would’ve he and YN had a chance? Well it’s to late now. John married Martha and now is a widower with 4 children who YN had help Polly deliver.

Later that evening YN walks home, having to pass Johns house where she can hear the chaos that is bath and bed time. Going against her better judgement, YN finds her feet making their way to Johns house and knocking on the door. A disheveled John answers the door

“Oh thank god your here. I don’t know how Martha did this everyday” sighing YN gives him a weak smile entering his house

“Just get a glass of whiskey for me for when we’re done”

[crazyk-imagine]

The Future Mrs

Pairing: Walt Finnegan x Female!reader

Characters: Walt Finnegan, Female!reader, Jake Bradford, Kenny Roper, Dale Douglas, Tyrone Plummber, Janet the bitch, Aunt Theresa (we don't speak of her)

Warnings: Fluff, questionable angst, cursing, moves, the boys are nice, some aren't, cousin eddie to the rescue, finn is a sweetheart, I love writing for the boys, the house parties are too lit, reader can be nice, reader is also lowkey a bitch, not me literally needing to rewrite and post this when I first wrote it, eddie and reader are the best cousins

Word Count: 1,041

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Your cousin pulls his car up beside you and hollers for you. You roll your eyes and walk over towards him. “What do you want now?”

He smiles and leans closer to your nuisance, Finnegan. “Why are you giving your favorite cousin attitude?”

You bend down, leaning against the door. “Because my so-called favorite wants me to do his dirty laundry, quite literally I might add.”

You glance back, noticing the two freshmen and your favorite player on the team, “hey Dave.”

He smirks, knowing you say hi to him to annoy Finnegan. “Hey.”

Roper scoffs, “how dare- okay fine. But I have an offer.”

“Which is?” You ask with a raised brow.

“I’ll take care of the rats in your dorm, if you help me.”

“Why would I want to do that?”

“See I told she’d get annoyed and wouldn’t go for it,” Finnegan chimes in.

“Still standing here Finnegan and I can confirm that you’re the annoying one.” You glance over at your cousin, “and you, be ready. I’m not packing your shit again.”

“It was one time.”

“You’re a fucking liar and you know it. This is the third time you've asked me… this week, Rope.”

“Have I told you I’m sorry?” He gives you that one smile he uses on all the girls (it never works on you, no matter how many times he tries).

“Try again next time.”

One of the girls who made high school miserable calls out to you, Roper knows and learned (the hard way) not to interfere anymore.

He lowers his sunglasses on the bridge of his nose and narrows his eyes to her.

You turn, flipping her the bird with a kind smile. “Be ready,” you mutter to him.

“I see you still have that lame car,” she shouts.

You roll your eyes and push yourself off the door, unintentionally giving the blond a good view of your ass. “How about you fuck off Janet? No one cares about your idiotic opinion.”

“It’s idiot, stupid.”

You cross your arms. “Did daddy pay for you to get in here or did you blow the principal... again?”

She screams and turns away.

You chuckle, leaning back down. “You’re dealing with the rats. I’ll pack your shit, deal?”

“Fine.”

“And, little warning,” you look at all the boys in the car, “any of you try to fuck her, make sure your wrapped. God knows what she has. Just no one marry her, that’s all I ask.” You pat the car and walk away.

Your one and only true friend Dee, short for Alexandria, hops on your back.

You grab her thighs keeping her on you. “Why must you do this every time?”

“It’s fun.”

She hops off, “come meet my roommate.”

“I have plans.”

“She’s right next to you.”

You groan, “fine. If I must.”

-

Jake leans forward, “that’s your cousin?”

“Yeah,” he turns around giving the two freshmen a hard look. “Neither of you can fuck her. She’s off limits.”

“Yeah,” Dale laughs, “to anyone but Finnegan. If he can even get past her pissy nature.”

Roper rolls his eyes and pulls away, “she’s just- I annoyed her, okay?”

“You barely talked to her, and she was pissed. She’s got one of those, guys are the worst ever mentalities or something.”

“She puts on that personality, so she doesn’t get hurt.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Jake glances at Plummer who shrugs.

“She’ll come to her senses eventually,” Finnegan adds.

“You say that because you want to fuck her.”

The blond smirks, “I mean, yeah, I do. I won’t lie about that man, but I mean, she’ll stop being so defensive around us.”

Roper glances at him from the corner of his eye. “You mean, you hope she’ll stop being so defensive around you.”

-

You walk out of the room and head for the roof, sitting beside the window, listening to the music.

“Mind if I keep you company?”

You turn and find Finnegan in the window. “Don’t you have some lonely chick to fuck?”

“Yeah, and she doesn’t want to talk to me. Keep me company?” Finnigan says with that stupid smile on his face.

You purse your lips, giving him an annoyed, fake smile. “Hard pass.”

“Oh, come on. You know you love me… I’ll take care of the rats, if you want?”

You raise your brows. “You willing to take care of the rats in my place just to get in my pants?”

He chuckles. “Babe, I’d train them to do your laundry if it meant I could take you out.”

“I’m pretty sure you’ve said that to at least three other girls tonight.”

“Surprisingly you’re the first.”

You shake your head, “go back to the party. This is no place for a popular guy like yourself.”

“And leave you out in the cold on your own, no thanks. Roper would kill me and,” he sets his hand down beside yours, “I don’t want to leave you alone.”

-

You groan and cover your eyes, “would you perverts shut up already?”

Roper steps forward, “why are you in his bed?”

“I don’t mom, you tell me.”

“Don’t make me call Aunt Theresa.”

“I dare you,” you open an eye and glare at him.

He breaks, “come on, just- please tell me nothing happened.”

You push yourself up on one elbow and glance at the perky Finnegan. “Nothing happened.”

“Prove it.”

“I’m wearing all my clothes, even my socks,” you pull the sheets down and climb out of bed. “See?”

“He doesn’t have a shirt on.”

“Well, look at that. Neither do you because that’s how you sleep, Rope.”

Dale grabs his buddy and pulls him outside the room. “I’m gonna take him outside to take… this all in.” He stops to give his teammate a high five.

You roll your eyes and search for your shoes.

“Where are you going?” He sits up, eyeing you.

“I’m going back to my dorm so I can make myself look semi presentable to those who weren’t in this room.”

He fakes pouts, “don’t go.”

“I’m going. I need to change.”

He sighs, “if you must.”

You narrow your eyes at him, “don’t be like that, I’ll be back.”

“Promise?”

You roll your eyes, “yes, I promise.” 

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael in the Mainstream: Top 100 Movies #50 - #26

Finally, we're in the top 50! These next movies are ones I have a little bit more to say about than the previous entries, though the real big fish to fry will be in the final stretch.

50. Cats

Bad movies like this don’t come around very often. Nearly every aspect of this movie is hilariously misguided to the point of insanity, with the special effects in particular turning what should be a campy romp into a bizarre fever dream. But this is precisely what draws me to the film! The flashes of greatness in the back half of the movie, particularly the genuinely great Skimbleshanks scene, really come together to create one of the most endearingly batshit experiences you could ever sit through.

49. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

A movie that ruined an entire generation of women or something, this is a just a perfectly stylish action comedy with one of the most absurdly talented casts around. It's a fun, silly little live action comic book romp that manages to make great use of Michael Cera.

48. Eraserhead

Now this is the David Lynch we all know and love! This is one of the trippiest, weirdest movies ever made, and it has one of the greatest effects ever in the baby. I fucking love that baby. It is one of the most digustingly cute creatures ever conceived.

47. Hot Fuzz

Edgar Wright’s Shaun of the Dead is the far more popular of his genre parodies, but if I’m being totally honest Hot Fuzz is by far the superior film. It’s just funnier, fresher, and more exciting. It also has actual antagonists and some really great and memorable lines, plus it loves Point Break and, of all movies, Bad Boys II.

46. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

Somehow, by some miracle, Disney managed to make a theme park ride featuring pirates (legendary box office poison) and make it into the most fun, exhilarating action adventure films of the 2000s. I think the bonkers premise combined with playful conviction from the entire cast is what really manages to sell this movie, but I must sadly give credit where credit is due: pre-dickhead era Johnny Depp, back when he was actually a good actor and not someone cast out of pity, brought the swaggering rock star pirate Jack Sparrow to life in glorious fashion, and manages to steal every scene he’s in. The only thing that could possibly make it better is if greatest character in the whole franchise Davy Jones was in this one, but they had to save something for the sequel.

45. It

While the miniseries starring Tim Curry as Pennywise has its charm, it is hampered by the restraints of television and its budget. With more money, we got a bigger, bloodier, gorier, and more impressive take on the iconic King novel, one that might be my favorite movie based on one of his works. The new, more horrifying and predatory take on Pennywise is certainly a big plus, but I think credit also has to be given to a young Sophia Lillis showcasing her acting chops early and Finn Wolfhard before he stopped giving a shit, as well as the rest of the kid cast. The Loser Club is the heart and soul of the story, and thankfully it’s the thing this movie nails… and it’s sadly where part two drops the ball a little bit. Grown ass adults in a secret club fighting an evil clown isn’t as cool as kids doing it, no matter how great it is to see James McAvoy and Bill Hader.

44. Kill Bill: Vol. 1

Speaking of movies where the sequel just couldn’t measure up…! This is one of Tarantino’s finest works, and certainly the one that most feels like the kind of movies that inspire him. There’s blood, ore, women going on a vengeful rampage… It really is a classic grindhouse movie with more polish. Uma Thurman truly kills it (along with scores of mooks) as Beatrix Ki—Er, I mean “The Bride.”

43. Predator

One of the manliest action films ever made, and also one of the greatest halfway plot switches of all time. You think you’re getting a simple macho 80s action film, and then halfway through, BAM! It’s a slasher movie and the macho men are the prey for a terrifying killer. Our final girl Arnold Schwarzenegger only wins by embracing those macho tropes and adapting them to a new foe. I think it’s a film where you can read it on the most surface level imaginable and deeply analyze it and still come to the exact same conclusion either way: This movie fucking rules.

42. The Batman

Live action Batman movies have been good, but too many of them miss core aspects of what makes Batman, well, Batman. Even the best ones like The Dark Knight, Batman Returns, or even Batman & Robin miss a few aspects and, while great films in their own right, just don’t feel like the definitive Batman. Then one half of the dudes behind Felicity took a crack at it and boy does he get it. This is what Batman should be. There’s detective work, there’s action, there’s car chases and gadgets, and most fascinatingly it’s an origin story but not in the way you think; rather than him becoming Batman, it’s him learning to become a symbol of hope instead of a symbol of fear. Robert Patinson proves he is one of the greatest talents of his age, and Paul Dano brings a deranged campiness to his Riddler that helps keep things comic booky even in a realm of grounded realness. And then there’s Colin Farrell’s Penguin, who is so good he got his own spin off show. It has never been a better time for Batman fans when it comes to cinema; we are eating good.

41. Guardians of the Galaxy

I was a bit skeptical at this film when I sat down to watch it. I mean, these were heroes I’d never heard of headlining a Marvel film when they seemed to be hitting their stride. Then the film opened with a crushing emotional moment, and then it goes into the opening credits as Chris Pratt dances like a goober to “Come and Get Your Love.” It all clicked for me, and it only got better from there as it morphed into the greatest “group of assholes become a found family” I ever saw at the time. I do think it’s the weakest of the trilogy now; Ronan is not a compelling villain and aside from that Redbone tune that opens the movie, the soundtrack kind of sucks (“Cherry Bomb?” Fucking seriously?). But when it comes to the Guardians, “weakest” is still “one of the best goddamn sci-fi action films you’ll ever watch.” It’s nice getting a reminder Chris Pratt is actually a good actor at any rate.

40. Raiders of the Lost Ark

I think even I can concede that The Last Crusade is objectively the best Indy film. I mean, it has Sean Connery in it, after all. But sometimes you just gotta let your nostalgia take the wheel, and when it does it tells me this one deserves the higher spot. No mattter what Sheldon Cooper says, this is one of the best and most thrilling pulp action movies ever made, and one of Spielberg’s finest blockbusters. If nothing else, it definitely has the best opening and arguably the best climax of the whole series. And maybe this is a hot take unless you’re Harrison Ford himself, but Indy > Han Solo.

39. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

It’s honestly amazing how this movie got me to give a shit about so many characters I wouldn’t ever have really thought about much otherwise. Miles Morales went from a cool footnote to one of my favorite Spider-Men, Gwen Stacy went from the dead love interest to a cool and alive love interest, Kingpin went from the best mob boss villain in comic books to the best mob boss villain in comic book movies… and that’s not even getting into how creatively this film uses the multiverse and the concept of variants. It’s really no big surprise just about every superhero movie in the coming years tried to crib its style.

38. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

This movie is ass-numbingly long, especially if you’re watching the extended version (and I always do—weird bits that kind of rob suspense aside the death of Sauruman, the Mouth of Sauron, and Harvey Weinstein orc getting killed are too good to pass up) and it has about a dozen endings, but you can’t really say any of it is unearned considering what came before it. This is truly an amazing capstone to the most epic fantasy trilogy ever made, and not once in that monstrous runtime does it ever feel like any time is wasted.

37. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

This is the Western, and easily Clint Eastwood’s greatest performance ever. But despite how unflinchingly cool and badass he is, and despite how terrifying Lee Van Cleef is as the villain, it is Eli Wallach as the titular “ugly,” an all-too human lout, who manages to be the most fascinating character in the story. The final showdown is one of the greatest in all of cinema, and the Ennio Morricone score is iconic. If you only ever watch one Western in your life, make it this one.

36. The Prestige

Christopher Nolan may not know how to write women, but he sure knows how to take a batshit premise and deliver on it. This film about dueling magicians takes at least a half dozen turns, each crazier than the last, and makes rewatches oh so rewarding. Plus, David Bowie plays Tesla. That’s fucking rad.

35. Oldboy

When a film starts off with a man eating a live octopus onscreen, you know you’re in for something special. This might be one of the greatest “revenge really fucking sucks” stories ever made and one of the greatest downer endings of all time. The twist is genuinely a curveball of epic proportions, and the villain is one of the most heinous yet sympathetic you could ever hope to see. It’s a damn good movie that definitely should never be remade with Marvel actors.

34. Fight Club

I get you’re not supposed to talk about this one, but it’s hard not to considering how liking this movie can easily be misconstrued as being an endorsement of cult-like anarchism and chud ideologies. I like this movie because of its critiques of capitalism as well as its examination of the kind of guy Tyler Durden is, and also because this movie is super fucking gay. It also has Jared Leto getting his face caved in by Ed Norton. Literally every aspect of this movie is ridiculously appealing.

33. The Room

I fucking love bad movies, and this? This is the Citizen Kane of bad movies. Tommy Wiseau’s magnum opus is the sort of bad movie that comes along only once in a generation, something so spectacularly bad it must be seen to be believed. Hell, the reason I love Cats so much is it somehow manages to capture the absurd insanity of this film with a bigger budget, but this one is still better because rather than being an adaptation it is the singular vision of an egotistical blowhard who thought he was making great art. And you know what? He was right. This is the pinnacle of “so bad, it’s good.”

32. Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

And you thought I was insane for preferring Glass Onion over Knives Out! Well, look here! I like the sequel so many “genius” animation critics derided as “incomplete” or “half a story.” I’m not the brightest guy on the planet, but even I understand the concept of cliffhangers and dark endings that set up future storylines; it’s like these people have never seen The Empire Strikes Back, which this is very much in the vein of. I think for me while the original film has a better and more focused story and a more interesting villain with Kingpin, the scope and the more impressive work done with the animation elevate this one above the first film in my mind.

31. Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves

A Guardians of the Galaxy clone based on a TTRPG that has famously had bad luck with adaptations and starring a cast of absurdly famous people you wouldn’t expect to give a damn about telling a compelling story in this setting… Truly, this was a disaster waiting to happen. But that’s just it: It didn’t happen. This is the best fantasy film we’ve gotten in ages, and a movie that is faithful to the concept of D&D. What I mean is that while it’s not literally adapting a specific storyline, it very much feels like the average campaign, to the point you can basically see where each character nat 20s and where they crit fail. You can see where the DM is like “fuck it” and has them conveniently solve a puzzle, and where they sat back and let the party fuck around. This movie gets D&D, and the entire cast is a blast to watch and they have great chemistry. We need more of these films, dammit!

30. Puss in Boots: The Last Wish

Speaking of movies it was easy to write off before seeing, here’s a sequel to a mediocre Shrek shrek spinoff made years after that franchise went dormant. But the movie is so fresh, funny, and vibrant it’s like that Shrek spirit was never gone. Puss is as fun as he’s always been, and the movie manages to tackle his insecurities and grappling with his own mortality with surprising grace for a family comedy film. It also has three of the most fantastic antagonists in Dreamworks history with the anti-villain Goldilocks, the relentless force of nature that is the Wolf, and the hilarious card-carrying villain Big Jack Horner. Truly, this franchise isn’t ogre yet.

29. Aladdin

For the longest time I called this my favorite Disney movie, and how could I not? Robin Williams and Gilbert Gottfried turn in some of the best and funniest performances of their careers here! The songs are absolutely fantastic! Aladdin is a great male lead and Jasmine is a really fun and compelling princess! It got a live action remake that’s actually decent and watchable! And, well, it’s obviously still pretty damn high up there. I’ve just come to realize there’s a couple Disney films I like a little better than this after all.

28. Seven Samurai

This is basically the birthplace of modern action movies, with tropes typical of the genre put on display for the first time and unbuilt at their conception. There’s a lot of commenatry on class and the nature of samurai, ridiculous feats of badassery, and one of the most poignant bittersweet endings imaginable. There’s a reason so many other films across the years have aped this one’s premise.

27. Terminator 2: Judgment Day

James Cameron’s magnum opus, and an action film that redefines cinematic action. It’s just a damn good film with stunning action, but I think there’s a few things that need to be addressed here. For one, as much as people love hyping up Sarah Connor as some feminist ideal or “one of the good ones” when it comes to female characters, she’s kind of a shitty person for most of the runtime, only regaining her humanity and her right to call herself John’s mother with the help of the T-800. And speaking of him, Schwarzenegger truly shows off his genuinely incredible acting chops, between his comedic attempts to emote and his delivery of the most tearjerking thumbs up in all of cinema. And then, finally, there’s Robert Patrick as the T-1000, easily one of the coolest and most intimidating villains in sci-fi, which is all the more impressive since he is scary and a believable menace when going up against a mountain of a man like Schwarzenegger.

26. Nope

In my opinion Jordan Peele has gone three for three with fantastic films, and this one is not only no exception, it’s my favorite he’s made so far. Such a wacky premise delivered in an impressive way, a truly breathtaking monster design, and two of the most unnerving scenes in recent horror history, Peele manages to cement his place as a modern master of his craft.

[apocalypticavolition]

Let's (re)Read The Dragon Reborn! Chapter 7: The Way Out of the Mountains

People, the fact that I'm using a generic image here is a failure on the part of the fandom. There should be art of this incredibly tiny chapter and its delightful moment! But Google finds nothing. This is outrageous! Great news, everyone! The wonderfully talented @pien-art did in fact make fan art and is even willing to let me use it on my silly little post. My unspoken plans to balefire you all are hereby put on pause. Please go check out their blog for more art!

Also, if you hate spoilers, this whole post is outrageous because I'm going to spoil everything about The Wheel of Time because I can!

This chapter starts with a Flame of Tar Valon icon because Moiraine goes fishing.

Lan spent most of his time scouting their path on his black warhorse, Mandarb, following Rand’s tracks as the rest of them followed the signs the Warder left for them. An arrow of stones laid out on the ground, or one lightly scratched in the rock wall of a forking pass.

Lan and Mandarb get all the more impressive when you consider that in addition to leading the way, he's probably also doubling around them (unnoticed by Perrin) and clearing out the signs he leaves behind so no one else can follow.

Her reply was always very much the same. “If you cannot move any faster than this, perhaps I should send you off to Myrelle before you get any older. Well, perhaps that can wait, but you must move us faster.”

Moiraine, I love you but what the fuck? Lan is doing an incredible job and you're joking about sending him off to get raped because it's not good enough for you.

“No day soon,” Lan said, and surprisingly, there was open anger in his voice. “Never, if I can help it. You will outlive me long, Moiraine Aes Sedai!”

She probably will, but how much longer, I wonder. Did the Finn steal her longevity when they stole her strength, or will she still age according to the power level she was born with? If the former, then she might not even have two centuries of lifespan in her. (Also note how touchy Lan is, to use such a formal address.)

“As difficult as that?” Moiraine murmured. Her hands slipped into the water—and a moment later came out with a splash, holding a fat trout that thrashed the surface. She laughed with delight as she tossed it up onto the bank.

Perrin thinks it's luck because Perrin is very, very silly. Also he doesn't know that she's best friends with a former fisherwoman.

Perrin thought about reminding her that whoever took the fish was supposed to clean them, too, but just at that moment she caught his eye. There was no particular expression on her smooth face, but her dark eyes did not waver, and they appeared to know what he was going to say, and to have dismissed it out of hand already.

Perrin, be grateful that the nice witch caught you a huge dinner. Another problem with not communicating is that of course Moiraine is probably doing useful magic tricks like this all the time with exactly as much fanfare and while effortlessly keeping her composure so Perrin has no idea that as far as the party dynamics are concerned, he and to a lesser degree Loial are the potential dead weight.

“I doubt she sees it that way. First she had to put up with Rand arguing with her all the time, and now you’re ready to take over for him. As a rule, Aes Sedai do not let anyone argue with them. I expect she means to have us back in the habit of doing what she says by the time we reach the first village.”

Loial's probably got a point too about Moiraine's Aes Sedai pride influencing her behavior. She likely strongly feels that she fucked up by giving Rand too much independence (even though really the boy needs as much as he can get) and is aiming for damage control by being extra shitty about things to Lan and Perrin as well.

Loial gave in to it as inevitable, but not Perrin. He tried refusing, resisting, but it was hard to resist when she made a reasonable suggestion, and a small one at that. Only there was always another suggestion behind it, as reasonable and small as the first, and then another. The simple force of her presence, the strength of her gaze, made it difficult to protest.

Perrin is getting worked over like he's saidar and it's a little funny.

He accused her of using the One Power on him, though he did not really think that was it, and she told him not to be a fool.

It is indeed very unlikely that she's Compelling him when she's just so good at social engineering.

The wolves should not have been there. Wolves avoided places where men were, but Perrin could still sense them, an unseen screen and escort ringing the mounted party.

The wolves are of course sticking around because Noam's also in the area.

Short chapter, huh? Next time: Fourteen hundred weddings and no funerals!

[luckyqueenreign]

Suresh Route Episode Summary: 39

GUYSSSSSS..... MY HEART AHHHHHHHHHHH 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

Spoilers under the cut

Suresh confirms that the ring was for MC and not for delusional ass Gabi...bitch go home you've embarrassed yourself for the last time! but he was really nice to her and apologetic here. He said he tried to accept the fact that someone like him probably didnt deserve someone like MC and that he should move on 😭😩 and he cut off Gabi too and went back to meaningless hookups. He just couldnt give up the ring. He tells MC shes the only real person hes ever loved 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

GABI HAS HER BAGS PACKED AND IS HEADING OUT THE DOOR 💀💀💀 LMAO BYE HUN!!! She asks you to couple up with her to stay in the villa....LMAOOOOOO thanks but no thanks babe!

GABI GEM SCENE: Woman to woman chat to hear the full story! So she never knew about MC, that much we knew, she'd always been flirty and when she saw Suresh at the bar she was attracted to him. Over time she got to know him and he became a regular and she started to look forward to seeing him, and one night he turned up looking upset and one thing let to another (literally what I wrote in the story of us...glad to know what he headcanoned turned out to be canon!!) then she didnt see him a while and she didnt know what was happening, this must've been when MC saw the photo and ghosted and then he turned up at the bar out of the blue again and he was apologetic and charming (again same thing I wrote!!) Within a few weeks she was wrapped up in a whirlwind romance and he told her he loved her, then one night he was being evasive and secretive and she snooped around his apartment and found the ring. then after a few weeks later Suresh ended it with her out of nowhere. no explanation nothing. he completely ghosted her and she never saw him again. no replies, dms no contact whatsoever. Aww ok I like her now.

You get a text that its FINAL RECOUPLING! We get the opportunity to chat with the 5 LIs left...LETS GO!

Suresh first obvi! Hes sooooo self deprecating the chat wasnt even satisfying. he tells you about how he always knew Gabi was a loose canon and thats why he wanted to stay to protect you...and basically how he doesnt deserve you. But like boy I need some of your cockiness back...KISS ME DAMMIT.

Finn...blah blah he has loved getting to know us better and wishes he had spent more time with us...where was that energy in that second recoupling Finny boy??? Where was that energy when you were dancing on Arlo? miss me all the way with this!

Lulu...my angel my queen!! says shes loved getting to know you even tho its been limited time, how she felt invisible with Suresh/Gabi and you can tell her you want to couple up with her here if you want to.

I skipped Dana and Alfie...sorry LOL I realized these chats were pointless and were basically just to tell your LI that u wanted them. I had already done that with Suresh.

ALSO LULU WHAT?! Theres still a chance you might get dumped??? ARE U FUCKING KIDDING ME?? ET TU BRUTE?!

You stand to make your final decision.....CLIFFHANGER...dumb one if you ask me.

[moss-and-marimos]

this is a Free Rant Pass. please share anything u want to please pass go and please collect 200 dollars

oh my god I need to go feral about jrwi right now

(spoilers for jrwi riptide up to episode 95 bc thats where I am right now) this is going to be a long nonsense ramble that jumps around a lot just so you know

godddddddd I love albatrio, they make me really happy, but also really sad vbhjhdj

seeing like how much they've grown over the course of the campaign makes me really emotional, and like learning about their backstory stuff and their similarities and differences from eachother. gill and jay understand eachother more than like chip and gill for example, because both were raised to be weapons and to see things very black and white. jay went undercover because she wanted to find out who killed her sister, under the idea that all pirates were evil. gill was raised to think that all humans were evil and must be killed, but as soon as he comes to the surface he finds out thats not true, even if he second guessed sometimes like after the things with episode 15. and seeing how differently episode 15 chip handled their fighting to episode 86 is so much character development, he knows how much it meant to gill and he stayed up all night to build an arena so that they could fight, and it was a much more fair fight, because he knew he shouldn't have kept the secret about edyn from gill and im rahhhhhh

also when theyre just having fun together, I love them a lot, theyre so ridiculous /aff like theyre a pirate crew and they make a waterslide out of ice like its a cruise ship, they have the worlds most intense game of tag/hide and seek because one of them can fly, the other is a fish guy, one has such wild stealth or persuasion or something I forget which rolls that he automatically gets at least a 25, in the weirdest way possible they are very evenly matched, and theyre doing that to make the small boy they keep on their ship happy, who also happens to have a belt of giant strength and so chip is very outmatched here as the only like normal human besides his high rolls vbjdfd

at the carnival when we got to see flashbacks to how they were as kids it makes me really emotional, gill was covered in bruises, wearing armor too big for him, holding a sword he could barely lift. chip was incredibly malnourished, he looked like he hadn't eaten a day in his life, and jay looked like the more 'normal' kid of the three, but knowing her family her childhood wasn't great either.

theres so much depth to all of these characters and it makes me go wild, and like everything is connected even if we dont know it at the start. chip was one of the black rose pirates as a kid before it crashed, drey, jays uncle, was too. so was Finn, gills grandpa.

chip has said before that he didnt believe in destiny until he met gill, but now he can't imagine a life without them, and I think about sometimes how different things could have been. if jay hadn't taken that undercover mission, or if they left a day earlier or later. if they left at any different time they might not have found gill, freshly exiled, just floating in the sea.

they mean so much to eachother and its so so clear. they find out their best friend might be doomed to destroy the world in some capacity? "I would drown the world for you" is chips response. they are the trio ever. "we're not just friends, we're a crew"

they are simultaneously the worst and best pirates in existence, they dont know the pirate code, the only rule of it they know is 'dont piss your pants' yet somehow they manage to follow it better than most pirates, because they actually care about helping people and being honorable and things. they were a crew held together by trust for the longest time, rather than any actual oath, and when they did make an oath it was sitting on a rooftop, comforting chip. and the oath they came up with was "I do solemnly swear to fuck shit up, to help those in need, and to be the best goddamn pirates anyone has ever seen."

something something about cycles, about how chip keeps nearly breaking down realizing that hes been trying to recreate what he had as a kid and the guilt from that

something something gillion realized because of his friends that the teachings of the undersea were wrong, that he was raised as a weapon, that he didnt deserve the awful awful things they did to him, that hes worth more than what he can do for other people, that hurting himself, throwing himself into danger all the time, hurts his friends too

something something jay, realizing that not all pirates are bad, and that she gets to be her own person, defined not by her family but by her choices, and that even when she betrayed her friends they didnt give up on her, even when she quite literally shot them

its gill hyping jay up when she has to call her grandma, its jay comforting gill when he had to face the council again when he was stuck in the dimension bc of the deck of many things, its chip trying to sand out the 'millennium chipper' from the ship, thinking they don't need him, and jay carving it back in because they need him more than he knows. things like that

also the less interaction-ey things, like them all making deals with Niklaus to save other people, considering themselves to be worth less than the crew even though theyre supposed to all be equals. its chips seal with Niklaus being where a tramp stamp would go vjbhdfjbh and also having a constantly updating tattoo across his ass of how much debt theyre in from the goldfish loan, its gill constantly showing their money off the ship to appease said goldfish and pay their taxes- theyre a pirate crew who pays taxes. what the fuck guys. one of chips pranks was literally just drawing boobs on their pirate flag. its jay getting bit by Anastasia and gill, asexual icon, stopping drowning just to go "what the fuck." when she was into it vdbjhbdfhj, also for some reason jay is into mimes. actually no she broke into a maximum security prison in a clown costume. theyre ridiculous vdbjhfvh

aaaaaaaa i dont have the words for the rest of this but just the way they comfort eachother and stuff, like chip knowing he wont be good at comforting gill so he asks jay to do it because of her similar background to gill and stuff, I just rahhhh theyre co-captains !! theyre closer than friends !!! co-captains or a crew really is just the best way to define how they feel about eachother and I like them a lot and they love eachother a lot and yeah I rotate them in my mind

[mercury-lurks]

Elijah's Conversation

Elijah cradled the walkie-talkie in his hands, fiddling with the antenna. His heart pounded in his chest as his finger grazed the talk button.

He needed to make a call. He'd been needing to all day, but could never find time away from people. Being the new guy really sucked, especially when surrounded by terrorists and murderers. Elijah was sure everyone knew something was up with him, but since nobody had brought it up he was probably in the clear.

However, he'd found solace in a small bathroom in a far hall of Fort Stevenson. Since it was a bathroom, Elijah had hoped there were no cameras or microphones to record anything, but with lunatics like these he wasn't sure.

He knew as soon as he hit that talk button, someone would die. As soon as the information he'd gathered was in Quine's mind, nothing would stop them from killing someone. The thought made him a little giddy. They deserved their revenge.

Checking once again to make sure he was well and truly alone, he pressed the button.

"Hey, this is Elijah, checking in. Anyone there?" He released the button and waited with baited breath, pacing around the stall.

"Eli," Finnegan said, "How are you, dude?"

He let out a shaky breath and spoke again. "As good as I can be here. I've got some information I'd like to tell."

"Already?" Elijah could feel the skepticism from the other end of the walkie-talkie.

"Already." He confirmed. "And I also already have some words for you when I get back."

Finn cackled into the microphone. "Oh yeah pretty boy? What kinda words?"

"Doesn't matter right now, I don't have that much time. I don't know when somebody might walk in." Elijah eyed the door once more, swallowing his nerves.

"Alright. What's-"

"Elijah! My favorite brother, please tell me what's going on." Quine joined the conversation, interrupting Finn.

Elijah paused, gathering his thoughts. "Well, for starters, Mercury is here, alive, and seems to be happy."

Quine breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh thank the Stars.."

"She seems to have Stockholm Syndrome."

"WHAT!?" They screamed, getting closer to the microphone. "W-what do you mean Stockholm Syndrome?"

He bit his lip, eyes darting towards the door again. "He.. seems to think of the Freelancers as family.."

Elijah heard an audible growl from Quine, one that made the hair on his arms stand up. "Those bastards.."

"But!" He was quick to interject. "The Freelancers don't seem to know about the genocide! I'm assuming this batch wasn't part of it, or that it was a higher up thing. Maybe they weren't even employed?"

"Doesn't fucking matter. I want them all dead."

He knew there was no arguing with them. Not like he wanted to, of course. "Anyway, there's.. there's another Grea'esi here. Her name is Glitter."

Quine slammed their hand on something. "Of course they fucking stole some of us for their sick experiments."

"She seems to like it here. She's been adopted by a soldier named Fox. They don't seem to be aware of what happened at all, I feel kind of bad for them."

"What else? What's been going on?" Auburn piped up.

"Most of the people here are dead. Or.. well, undead. It's kind of worrying. I'm pretty sure there's been human experimentation here. And everyone seems to think it's normal."

Auburn sighed over the mic. "If they weren't part of a terrorist organization I would love to help them.. but unfortunately they're too far gone."

"They've hired a cannibal zombie as one of their commanders. Who does that?!" When nobody responded, Elijah continued. "Everything here is so messed up. I hate it here. God, I just wanna go home." He took a deep breath. "It's fine, I can do this. I'm already this far in, and I think I'm starting to gain their trust, at least a little bit."

"It's alright, hijo," Auburn said. "When you get back we'll take a break from jobs. Just the seven of us hanging out, getting Mercury used to everything."

Elijah nodded, sighing. "Yeah. That sounds great, mamá. I should- I should get going-"

"Elijah." Quine interrupted. "That soldier you mentioned earlier. Fox. Tell me more about them."

He didn't hesitate to keep talking. "Apparently they were part of some program that turned them into a super-soldier if sorts. They and one of their girlfriends, Isla, were the only two to survive it. If we're going to kill the Freelancers, it would be wise to start with them."

Quine hummed. "I see. Then I suppose I'll come down and kill them myself. If they're a super-soldier, they must have been involved with Arieala's destruction. This just got personal."

"A-are you sure? Right now? That might cast suspicion onto me, it's best if we wait-"

They slammed their hands on something again, growling. "I don't fucking care! I want every single one of those filthy dogs put down, and I'm tired of waiting!"

After a brief moment, Elijah nodded. "I understand. Just.. be careful, hermosa. There's a lot of people here."

"I'll meet up with you tonight. You know where to find me."

"I do. See you later, Q."

The walkie-talkie went dead, and so Elijah turned it off. He checked to see if he was still alone, and was satisfied when he saw he was. "Can't believe I just got away with that."

The walkie-talkie sat heavy in his hands. He looked at it almost regretfully. "..don't know if I'll get away with this.."

He shook his head and stood up, pocketing the walkie-talkie. Elijah opened the bathroom door and walked out.

Tonight, then.

[berivan-noctisia]

You resumed everything so perfectly I am crying

Also everybody keeps talking about the Law and how untouchable it is while everyone is just... Going around committing crimes against humanity like they breathe air lmaoooo???

Students nearly dying at the exam? Children should have studied harder. Students getting awfully beaten and horribly bullied? Losers. Students are going missing? A normal Tuesday. Corruption ? To be expected. Eugenics? As God intended. Slavery? Merciful. Murder? Like slapping a mosquito. BRO WTF flgfjgorkrkrrk man students might as well be getting coins per body count

Someone not having magic or being a decent human being? CALL THE POLICE!!!

LIKE. THAT'S WHERE YOU DRAW THE LINE? COME ON

Also the whole secret caves under the school??? That's cool AF tbh

Puzzled by how children and barely adults are being given that insane amount of political power so young, like wtf but also slay I guess, at least the youth is being taken somewhat seriously

Lemon makes us, delulu believers, feel seen. She's living the dream, in her head. You go girl. Slay.

Finn just wants a quite life, he's peak "fuck that insanely stressful elitist careerist lifestyle" of kids torturing themselves and each other, selling their soul to the Devil while at it, to get a status, he just wants a peaceful job and no problems. #IAmFinn

Rayne. 👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇 The Man. The Hero. The Legend. The softest soul??? MY HEART 💘💘💘💘💘

Mash is best boy™️, the saint of muscles, compassion and honesty. He's a silly little guy. He's adorable. A baby. An angel. And he will send you to hell if you hurt people.

Also he was insane for being able to cook anything into puff creams or cream puffs, I have no idea in which order it should be written or whether that's the English name lmao

He was also insane for being so well emotionally regulated in that fucked up environment. The insane pressure of his and his father entire fates' on his shoulders? Never wavered in his beliefs, eating puff creams, getting his beauty sleep every day, as he should. Being bullied? Not giving a fuck. Being betrayed? Forgiving. Also??? Love??? Accepted, received and given back freely. He's there calling out people "cute", man finds it so cute his friends worry for him and sees right through them (when lance refuses to leave him alone with the owls), he loves his father, he loves his friends, he gifts them puff creams all the time, he doesn't hold grudges, he doesn't start fights unless he has to, he helps people (Abel) with their emotions (explaining why Abyss cares for him, because he offered something invaluable to him), he thanks people, he asks for permission, he COMPLIMENTS people, he lives for his passions and DGAF about people's opinions. Thanking people??? Saying sorry??? Being genuinely sorry??? Seeing the best in people??? Compassion??? Being understanding of people's situation??? Putting himself in their shoes when he can??? Believing in redemption??? Not an ounce of toxicity (like toxic masculinity) to be found in that boy's heart

Also, can we talk about Abyss and Abel??? I??? They??? 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈??? Abel offering more respect, love and compassion to Abyss than anyone else in his godawful entire life (in a really fucked up way)??? Abyss' sacrifice??? Abel's confusion??? Feelings, what is that??? Abel gently cradling Abyss and caring for him until he's safe and sound??? Abel following Abyss around and being a supportive BF as hell??? Going to the party for him??? Talking to girls when he panics???

(Grandpa and the cop are definitely having the most insane ennemies to """business bros""" relations while sipping tea together in the forest lmao what's the need to stick together 24/7??? Is the cop his bodyguard now??? Does he sleep at the house??? Is he even working anymore??? Does Grandpa cook for him??? Are they having deep philosophical debates in front of the fire sipping tea about how, yes, the whole Law and religious ordeal is bullshit??? Do they send small packages of puff creams to Mash once in a while??? Or other gifts??? Also why did the cop put grandpa's head on his lap when grandpa was unconscious???)

been watching mashle and oh my god, the eugenics???? the way lance's parents were so ready to give up their daughter??? no second thought???? just "why did this child have to be born to us?"???? um everyone talking in mash's face about how non-magic people are inherently worthless???? the triple line dude fucking making dolls out of people and somehow no one??? is??? checking him???? and then when questioned immediately jumping into "well humans are little more than mindless beasts and i will become a creator deity and reshape the world in my liking!"????? the, um, corruption in the government??? the way this story is so clearly "h*rry p*tter if it was actually funny"??? the slytherin coded characters are blood purists???? they took out hufflepuff??? one of the magia lupus' mage's powerset was just big shuriken???? another one is rip off kisame???? lance is a siscon and the first thing mash says is "that doesn't make it better"???? lemon is genuinely so fuckin funny??? dot is incel-coded but like in a funny way??? dot says that lance is playing life on "easy mode" cause lance has a good face??? dot likes tea??? dot has good manners??? everybody only has one spell they can use??? finn ames is like if you transported is regular human into this stupid ass world??? i think the old man and the cop have explored each others bodies.

[dentwy]

number 1: adventure time

don’t quite remember how old i was when i first watched adventure time, but i sure remember watching it a lot. back then you’d just hop on tv whenever you could and watch whatever was on at the time. thank grob for streaming sites! i say half ironically since HBO's release of adventure time is quite pathetic in fact, but i digress.

obviously with fionna and cake airing this year there’s been a big resurgence in adventure time online that i’m pretty fond of. although i don’t draw myself, i follow around 10k accounts on twitter that are mostly just artists because i love looking at nice pictures. there’s one caveat though, i’ve never actually seen the entirety of the show. who the hell is this grass finn? princess bubblegum and marceline ended up together? holy glob. and so, i felt it was time for me to get on my two ass cheeks and actually watch the show.

here is a brief (?) off the shelf summary on what that was like:

as it turns out as a younger-ish boy i had only seen up to season 4, with a few extra episodes here and there. this means the lich was definitely a thing, but that’s kinda where it ended. re-experiencing the episodes i knew so well was definitely more fun than i was expecting. most i know by memory already, others lowkey tried gaslighting me into thinking they were different from how i remembered. so that HBO thing? you can look it up on reddit and go into detail but in general terms, some of them are kind of a mess with how they’ve been edited and censored. i believe a bunch might just be from the tv versions in some countries? but i clearly remember watching them so...

usually there’s a couple of things they want to avoid: butt stuff (so some fart jokes and grabbing-things-with-butt scenes), stuff that’s kind of gross, things like ripping off the lich's face off, deaths (?) and other extremely specific stuff. at times you will get scenes cut off that you don’t realize (ill mention one in a minute) and others that simply cut off in the middle of dialogue or battle to jump into something else. in 2023 i don’t even think this is that excusable.

two episodes stood out as a sore thumb to me. "storytelling" the 5th episode of s2, and "princess cookie" on s4 episode 13. ill refrain from explaining the entire episodes but first one has this scene where our titular "mrs cow" makes her first appearance. as she is instructed to do, she removes the bag since she also is beautiful as everyone else, only to turn out she should put it back on. pretty funny stuff, especially for a 13 year old. this little gag is completely removed. poof. gone. i almost shit myself i thought i was going crazy. i’ve been a fan of calling random shit i’m lying about part of the mandela effect now but it genuinely felt like that.

second episode is one of a tragic story, of a tragic cookie. putting aside the fact i think a he/him cookie wanting to become a princess is fucking awesome, this one just sucks. at the literal climax of the episode (spoilers!!) as they are in the middle of the exchange the episode just randomly cuts off to the following scene with princess cookie in the floor, shattered. extremely jarring. and you don’t even get to see the most important part of the episode! goddammit.

either way i could go on details like this forever but it’s mostly just a gripe i had as i watched with HBO than the show itself, as i was actually having a lot of fun as, in the end, it’s the characters that make adventure time what it is.

finn and jake are characters that are very easy to endear yourself to. i feel they’re generally the simplest ones from the cast, but that’s what makes them most malleable. they’re likable dudes, bros for life. do you not wish to have someone that will follow you to the end of the world? in life and even death? nothing can break these two. distant lands' "together again" is probably one of my favorite episodes. it was 200 episodes ago that jake established their special signal to find each other again once they’re dead, and real bros don’t forget. it’s a beautiful episode that completely wraps up these two in the best way they could’ve done.

ice king is someone i would have never been able to appreciate when i was younger. maybe for the first couple of seasons yeah okay he’s an unlikeable prick, but man. simon petrikov is such a tragedy of a man. forced to live in his delusions for the rest of his life, unable to remember his loved ones, or to be loved. forever obsessed with finding those who are important to him, without the means to do so. i gotta say, i never put two and two together before getting around watching the entire thing - but fucking tom kenny? what a legend.

alongside ice king comes marceline, and what is there not to love about marceline. she carries such a teenage angst with her that feels so passionate. every song with her is a blast to listen. "woke up" from obsidian in distant lands has to be my favorite. "i'm just your problem" is up there in the classics and how to forget the fries song. living for 1000 years has to fuck you up so bad man. she carries such weight after so long. saving people, losing them, making friends, losing them. "i remember you" from season 4 is such an emotional episode i’m pretty sure i cried watching it. every single marcie / simon flashback holds so much importance to both characters, as well as the world itself. i’m always a sucker for father & daughter stories and these episodes hit a really special spot.

with marceline, comes princess bubblegum, which i have to say is probably my favorite character in the show. your honor, she’s silly. bubblegum (fucking bonnibel? really?) shares this aspect of essentially living for 1000 years, eventually needing to put things behind. main difference with her is the fact, you know, she’s made out of candy, and candy people don’t exactly die of old age as far as i know. however, being in the spot she is, she holds great responsibilities she sometimes feels she needs to deal all on her own. she is actually such a fucked up individual, messing with people emotionally (and specially finn) just for the sake of it, and sometimes showing her apathy for people. she’s dedicated to a fault, often ignoring other's feelings or beliefs. sometimes for the better, but also for the worse. one thing that remains with me for sure is the simple fact that she’s just adorable, and i’m a big fan of them giving her different outfits and hairstyles as much as possible, which is exactly why i present my tier list of bubblegum outfits & hairstyles:

the ones that didn’t make it in are either irrelevant, spoilers or forgot about. why not marceline? because everything she puts on is a banger. extra special mention to "the star". what a fucking queen.

the last tier list will be for every character in the show in no particular order, because i need to make my opinions permanent:

except i lied obviously it’s not every character. the ones that didn’t make it in i either don’t care about enough or are so minor i don’t even have an opinion on them (or i forgot).

s tier is the people i couldn’t have put anywhere else, they just go there by default. prismo is awesome too so he goes in.

for a tier i feel the only two i need to specify about are doctor princess, which i just find really funny, and huntress wizard, which i actually like a lot. i feel she was definitely the one that would’ve been best to end up together with finn.

b tier are cool characters, i like them enough that i think about them often or have something about them that really stood out to me. james baxter actually being a mispronunciation of "games bookstore" is really fucking funny.

c has all the pups because i like them :), abraham lincoln is also really funny. martin i think i could put lower, but simply because he’s relevant to the plot he goes here. i never liked finn insisting to call him his dad when he’s such a shit person.

d is filled with weirdos that have something about them that may make them stand out a little bit more or maybe had a scene or episode that was cool. i don’t like LSP at all, but she’s the like third most important princess so yeah that’s fine, i guess.

f is filled with people i don’t give a shit about. a bit crazy how most of the princesses end up being completely irrelevant. you lost to a fire dog slime princess, how does that feel.

with that out of the way, what i want to finish off is the general plot progression of the show. there’s something really special about adventure time that i’m not too sure other cartoons do the same way. it manages to hold such a consistency throughout its run time that’s almost impressive. besides the first season where tree trunks dies on episode 4 only to reappear later on and only bring up the fact she’s "gone" on season 2, the show always makes sure to reuse characters, keep them around and stay true to its own timeline. there’s a context in this world, stuff has happened already, and things will continue to change. it might take some time to get the answers to your questions, but you will get them eventually. the past is already set in stone and the future is already on its way to happen.

most characters will make at least a second appearance at some point, and a lot of them even become more relevant for that episode, which i find really cool. no stone is left unturned and it shows that this world is fully lived in.

it was a bit hard for me to nail down what i believe the theme of adventure time is, what it all means in the end really. because no, "going on adventures is fun" is not it. it definitely is fun don’t get me wrong, its episodic in nature and most episodes end up working on their own, but is there more to it than just bros having fun? my take on it (i haven’t looked it up so no clue what other people think or even the creators) is the passage of time, and growing up.

the most relevant characters are the ones that have been around for centuries, the ones that have seen the world change and that have changed it themselves. generations move by and time keeps going. jake has a family, a new generation that will follow him. finn doesn’t have anything because he died a virgin but still, the humans are and will be around after so many years.

it’s important to live in the moment, appreciate the people dear to us and have our own "adventure" while we can, and i think that’s really nice to get across. as it stands, adventure time has moved through generations and i hope it will continue to do so.

[fightwing]

the best and most valid(tm) uses of found family: 

-road trip (bonus points if there is bickering and fam vibez) -in sync fighting (throwing a weapon to ur bud at exactly the right moment)

[enderspawn]

hhnngngn this might be rambley bc im still trying to organize my thoughts n stop them from just rattling around in my head but. god chip is just. defined by his guilt.

from the moment the black rose went down, from when he saw arlin get swallowed up in that ocean to save him, from the moment he became haunted-- its just been guilt. the base of all of this is built on the back of that initial survivors guilt and has been compounded by every event hes gone through since.

gillion vanishing like that just brought everything back, bc its the same thing again-- he loved someone and they got hurt and vanished and its because of him. whether its because he offered them a card (he didn't, the other two even said he didnt, but he did in his own eyes) or because he got the cards in the first place or even because he pulled gillion onto that fucking boat.

theres some part of him that feels like all of the tragedies in his life are connected via the one thing they have in common: him. he is the issue.

and normally its enough for him to hide that away behind a cocky ego and self aggrandizement and caring only abt himself and later his few loved ones (because by god all he wants is to be loved) it doesnt get rid of the problem. it only invites more people in to eventually get hurt. arlin, the black rose, price, ollie, gillion-- fuck, even things like putting roofus and amber in danger just by being around them.

that's why seeing the crew was the final straw for him, the thing that broke him. because the moment he fucking left their lives, they thrived. all without him. surely they, and everyone else, would be better off without him around to fuck things up.

bc thats what he is, isnt he?

a fuck up. a mistake.

a bastard.

the core of the issue really is just. his own self-loathing. its fueled by his guilt and then the guilt is made worse by the self loathing in a fucked up ouroboros.

i think chip is also a lot more introspective than people give him credit for. i think its bc of his dont-care brash kinda persona, but he's really cognizant of his own thoughts. its just… that entire thing is also tainted by his own poor self image.

he can recognize that his desire to make his own crew with jay and gillion and keeping ollie around is all just him trying to recapture the black rose. that's not… something EASY to recognize, that your own actions are fueled by this self-internalized desire. but because of his loathing, he views it as selfish. that he doesnt actually care for these people (he does so much it hurts), only what they can give him and how they compare to his past he can't escape.

thats what fucking haunts him, it's his own past. its the fragile reflection of this bygone age he can never return to because he can never be that little boy again.

chip has spent over half his fucking life just trying to reclaim that past-- to find arlin and drey and finn and to have his own crew to be the loving family he's cursed to never have. he wants something he can be proud of, something arlin would be proud of so that he never has to face the idea that arlin won't like who hes become, because that's the only thing that has kept him afloat.

and god fuck. thinking over it now, he knows arlin is out there now. he knows that, and he knows his best chance would be with the riptide crew-- with drey and his friends. he knows arlin is suffering. but. he still wants to leave.

and he thinks himself so selfish for it but hes selfless, he's giving up everything hes known and had because he thinks, hopes, prays, that it will spare the people he loves. "if you love them let them go" kind of thing. he wont be with them but they'll be better off without him and all he rlly wants is for them to be okay.

and god i. i touched on him seeing his own introspection through the lens of selfishness. and in a way, chip is an inherently selfish character. or at least a self-centered one. he cares most about him and his loved ones, he often acts without considering how it will impact others and only based on his own desires, and he presents with an ego the size of mars.

but fuck he is so selfless-- even more so now that he's been with the riptide pirates, especially gillion and his ideals of being a "hero". but even his own low self-worth contributes to his selflessness.

on joaldo island, when the three of them and la alma were locked in with the baron, he signed to be the paramount champion. they didn't know if the contract was magically binding, if he would be stuck, but he signed it anyway because it was the only way to protect everyone else from doing it-- even la alma, who he barely knows! but he cares for him and that means he's willing to do what it takes regardless (its the right thing to do, chip wants to do right he wants to be good but its been trained out of him by the need to survive first and foremost-- focus on yourself bc thats all you have)

we even saw it this episode with the compass. he knows its evil, he knows it can do horrible things to you-- he doesn't care. jay is looking for niklaus, which can't be good, and he has low-enough self preservation to use it anyway because if it works it means they have a way-- they can find gillion, jay doesn't have to make a deal, it will be alright. no matter the cost to chip.

when jay tries to stop him from signing that contract on joaldo, chip just says that he'll figure a way out. that he always does. and that fucking line makes me ache because its true.

chip is like a cockroach. no matter what shit life throws at him, no matter how many tragedies he has to face, he keeps on going. even when it seems aimless, or that it would be pointless (like a 10 year search for a man sunken to the bottom of the ocean)

the sad part is, despite his plans to leave the riptide pirates behind, even if he went through with it.... i think he'd keep on going. it would be just another weight on his shoulders to carry and he'd go on. keeping to himself, isolated and hurting and so very alone, but at least he isnt hurting anyone. maybe he'd return to the solo-sailing lifestyle, returning to his pointless search because he doesnt know what else he can do.

but that would like… i think kind of be it for him in a way. he's alive, but he stops trying to reach out. hes alive, but life has beaten the endurance out of him to keep trying for anything better.

idk this whole post reads as really melodramatic n angsty n shit but listen im in my feelings. let me live, MOM.

[blognarrymybabes]

okay, I have couple of things to say regarding all the panic currently in BYLERNATION. (my thoughts are chaotic right now as I am fuming as well you guys so this might sound all messy but hear me out and let me know if you guys agree)

1. Don’t put too much thought into something Noah or Millie says, I have two reasons for that A) Millie has always supported Mileven, She ( sorry to say ) has been biased and it’s fine by me since she is half of that ship. She was apparently also the one to suggested for Mileven kiss at the snowball. Also, she has been quiet during the interviews only talking about her solo plotline and mileven at the beginning of vol1 B) Noah is the biggest spoiler of the series, he literally posted a picture with harness I mean c’mon, also he ships byler we all have seen it. 

2. Noah has to stay ambiguous as that is his character arc this season (as sad as that is, I really hoped he had some bigger plotline since his character is secretive and have powers or something) , and his feelings might be like a big reveal in vol2 ending (vecna curse or something). Maybe they are just trying to keep the suspense

3. WHAT OTHER REASON do they have for NOT putting Finn and Noah in the interviews together. They have one fucking interview together. ONE. And that too with Millie of all the people with them. They could have easily put them together with the other two cali boys. They didn’t. Why? IF Byler is not real, just a bromance then WHY DIDN”T THEY NOT PUT 4 BOYS Together in the interviews, not a single interview. That seems purposeful, since we see 4 of them together for the entire season. 

4. The actors behaviors, In David’s interview everyone is giggling and smiling especially Finn. SO they are happy about Will’s feelings for Mike? Finn’s comments on Byler, its been confused, nonchalant and downright clueless, just like his character. But his comments about Will’s loves for Mike “its beautiful”.  

5. Noah and Finn shipping Byler so casually and easily. Why do that if there is no possibility? Why doesn’t Finn talk more about mileven and how he ships it and be happy about? I have seen his interviews and man he doesn’t look a tiny bit happy when talking or promoting Mileven. I mean, you can be a little bit enthusiastic. BUT he is giggling about Will’s attraction towards Mike ? Make it make sense.  + bonus him discussing mileven’s future, whether they are together or seperated ???

Annddd I forgot the part, “um.. yeah, the ship name” the fuck! 

6. Now character wise - If Mike’s whole ass problem is not able to say I love you to El then A) That is so fucking dumb lol, that’s the plot for Mike? I would laugh at this point. B) there is zero logic for Mike to be confused because -

 its not like El is not his girlfriend and just his friend for him to be afraid. 

Its not like he didn’t say I love you before. And as if he doesn’t know whether  she loves him or not. 

IF I have a boyfriend, we are together, he says I love you to me daily and wants me to say I love you back which mind you, I have already said once, then I am atleast confident that I am not going to be rejected and I should be able to say it back. Even if I am not able to,  our conversations would be way different than the once they have in the series, they could have their conversations explicitly and in many other ways. I would assume the writers do know their English lol 

5. To emphasis how illogical this is, let’s say he is scared of falling in love and saying I love you then SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO ME FOLLOWING THINGS

 a) why Mike never utters the word ‘love’ during their argument, like why say “i say it” instead of “I love you or ofcourse I love you or you know I do”. And also why say “I care” (my mind is blank rn, I can’t come up with other phrasings but you get my point)

b) what is he so fucking confused about when all he did last season is assert to everyone around them how he is in a relationship, how he has girlfriend , how he LOVES her, how nothing should happen to her not to mention all the making out. I mean, what are you confused about and what exactly are you trying to figure out ???? what is this problem you can’t discuss with anyone, not your sister or your mother or your friends? 

c) Why ignore Will? Why lash out on him and emphasis on being friends? Mike doesn’t have an idea about Will’s feelings, so he is not being homophobic. Why not hug him? Mike doesn’t have any problem hugging Dustin. Why not Will? If you missed him so much and felt like you lost him, you would have hugged him when you reunited with him. Why not do that? Why so much awkwardness that even casual viewers picked up on it. 

6. Even though Will’s character is hinted to be queer since season 1. Most and I mean MOST of the Byler proofs are from Mike’s side [ Will’s drawings all over his rooms, Tracing Will’s drawing while mourning his death, frantically looking for Will without care for your own life, the entire season 2, all the staring, lip glances, that Byler fight, season 3 end with that smile on Mike’s face ] ITS TOO FUCKING MUCH FOR IT TO BE NOTHING. 

7. If they wanted to queerbait us or just talk about Will being unusual and his sexuality “up for interpretation” or let’s say even “Byler unrequited” then they could have easily done it in one season, like Maya Hawke’s character Robin. She comes out and that’s it, nothing changes other than Steve doesn’t have a girlfriend. 

Will has a crush, Enter Mileven, Will is crushed and moves on. They add that point to Will’s character and then that’s it move on with the story. 

Why stretch it out so much ? Invest so much time and effort into clues, that includes everything from the costume colors, to the props, dialogue phrasings, eye contacts and character placement.  The entire Byler interactions could have easily been done differently without changing the storyline at all. 

 But they don’t. They put all this work.

Not to mention all the social media posts about Byler from official accounts nonetheless. 

8.  And if you’ve not seen my last post. Levy has said “There aren’t many accidents on the show” “There is clear intention, strategy and real thought given to each and every character” Now if they are saying this, that means ALL THOSE DETAILS were intentional, whatever they did with Byler this season is intentional. And if there is an intention then there must be a goal, an endpoint to achieve. 

And unless their endpoint is to queerbait then that is just bad writing, waste of their and our energy and honestly, in 2022 downright homophobic. I mean don’t play with the main characters or do one of the main character so dirty.  Not to mention cowardly to succumb to the all the mileven pressure and hype because so far what I have seen in this fandom is mileven shippers are aggressive and they comment ALOT on the official accounts.

9. Going for Mileven Endgame would be straight up fan service because their entire relationship doesn’t make sense to me at all. And with the way its falling apart since season 3. Also, Byler has more history and chemistry tbh

This is all just my personal opinion, you can have your own. 

I believe we are going to have all sorts of leaks and confusion for the next month. Remember, they have to keep the buzz for the show going so that people actually watch the next 2 episodes. All the shippers watch the show. They need to keep the hype alive and for people to keep talking about it. Industry(All shows) has employees that track social media. So don’t let this affect your mental health. 

And if all the leaks are true then they are just coward, just bad writing (there is no other explanation) who are focusing on the business rather than the story, Or maybe Byler is not that important to them in terms of the entire story which again doesn’t make sense since all the demons, upside down have been many times compared to real life growing up issues. 

That’s all for now besties, I might come back and organize my thoughts more properly in this post 

[depressoexpresso-anon]

My breakdown and my thoughts on the ending of Bittersweet Chapter 3. (PART 2)

Ok so we get the story so far, Jessie kills Derek and takes his spot. And once the trio gets there I bet 100% she was not expecting it. You can just tell by how she wasn't too eager to turn around, even when Seth was demanding it.

"It's just ketchup, Seth! I promise!"

I just love the look of pure relief Seth is giving knowing that his mom is ok, to the sudden horror of knowing what she did.

And tbh I think she did this not only to get revenge on Derek for hurting her son, but maybe her thoughts were.

'If I get rid of the person tormenting my son and who he loves, maybe he can forgive me for what I did to him.'

Idk and I have no idea what is gonna happen to Jesse. Either she's staying there or going back with the boys cause she's on the run or something.

But I doubt she's on the run because she has Auron in her corner, but if she does go back with the trio then it could allow more time for her and Seth to try and fix their bond.

Then if she does go, it might be hard cause of Auron. Cause he said that Jesse can do a better job then half of his goons singlehandedly.

And this is what I mean when I said that Auron probably tortured him.

HE FUCKING JESUS HIS HANDS TO THE DESK. When I first saw Derek's dead body nailed to the desk, it made me scared of Auron.

I think Mark got off easy.

Then we have Finn and when I saw him in the back I was like 'Why the fuck are you here bro!?

And you can just tell that Finn doesn't like Auron just by the look he's giving him.

Then you can see the shock of 'Oh shit!' When he spots the book.

Speaking of

MY MOUTH DROPPED TO THE FLOOR.

Derek knows about Finn and the other world. And my only conclusion was that when he died and then got resuscitated.

Once he died he saw Finn and the power he had over this world. Or Finn saw what happened to Derek and decided to give him another chance by turning back the clock.

From what I gathered from Derek was that he is a man obsessed with power and enjoyed having control over other people.

So by seeing Finn and all the power he has over this world, we can understand why he talks so much about death and power.

Thus leading to my questions on Finn.

I can go on about Finn and I know that within time (HA) we will get more answers about his world and his powers.

But I can't help but wonder why is he in Bittersweet and Why is he so obsessed with the trio.

My guess and this guess may sound crazy, but what if Finn's predecessor was Alphonse and not Faust as we have all been theorizing? To me, that would only make sense why he's obsessed.

But again idk.

Then we have this last shot of Auron looking into his reflection. Seeing the man he has become and broken away from the dreamer self that he was.

The ending gave me an eerie feeling because of the clique feeling of being watched when there's no one there, and the sound of the glass creaking and giving away.

Also, the cracks of the glass remind me of the crack marks of the Promo we got when Chapter 3 was about to start.

Then we have Shattered

Which I'm pretty sure will be mostly about Auron and his story. I'm pretty excited for shattered because hopefully, we'll get more backstory with Auron and why he is like he is.

Tbh Auron reminds me of Gus Fring from breaking bad.

Anyhoo, I'm ready for 2023 and excited for the next chapter of Bittersweet and the Beginning of Shattered.

[luckyqueenreign]

BESTIEEEEEEE OMGGGGG HAHDBDJEISN RIDENGNRIDNENSJDE WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN?!😂😂😂😂

FB gave us some SAVAGE scenes this week, like praise be!

You know full well I did bits with Finn and my petty ass is over here smirking that we got away with it😈 BUT THEY GAVE US AN OPTION TO SPRAY HIM WITH COLD WATER?!?!?! Comedy gold.

I also told Dana I wanted him to do the romantic gesture to me and told Kat I hoped Finn raised my HR the most, like girlie pop if the shower bits get spilled maybe you won’t be so shocked now!?

HR challenge… not worth talking about. But whatever I danced my sexy heart out for Suresh and the gem dance for him too. Mama was gonna treat him right and remind him of that time I got paid for accidentally stripping❤️ come on baby let this little cowgirl whisper (moan) in yo ear😮‍💨

Fucking Alfie man. FB, why why why do we keep spending so much time on him?! Clearly Suresh wanted to talk then too so why did we not get the option? The man spilled his heart out and I said NO yet he still wanna take us on a “love tour”? NAUR. Rejected again! Wasted time.

GABIIIIIIIII, the one thing FB kinda got right this volume😂😂😂 I got to tell her I’m through with her stories, give her sass, make her look like a 🤡🤡🤡🤡 over a ring that was clearly meant for us from the minute she opened her mouth, and she’s finallyyyyyyy out of the villa BUT NOT BEFORE I COULD TELL HER SHES NEVER GOING TO FIND ANYONE AND BE SINGLE FOREVER💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 when I tell you I cackled at that, I mean I CACKLED! But also too much time spent on her leaving. Like GIRL BYE!

Biggest plot hole though was MC saying that the ring was like the one she always wanted but literally no one ever described the ring…🤔🤔🫢

I’ve been playing Finn and Suresh routes at the same time for the last 2 volumes and especially this go around but idk if Daddy Resh wanted to marry us I might have to stick with my OG baby boy. Cause like what if we go that route and he proposes to us at the finale?!😮‍💨🫡

Also this volume set up @mrsbsmooth perfectly for more Jaded chapters🥹🥹

BESTIE I LOVE UR SYNOPSIS!!!! I am dying lolol I cannot believe u told Gabi she was going to be single forever 💀💀💀💀 I didnt have the heart LMAO

As for Alfie....FB LEAVE ME ALONE...I DONT WANT HIM. the love tour. LIKE omg ...im sure the alfie girls ate but how many times must I reject this man?!

As for the ring, I actually did get a description of it! They said mine was a gold band...did people not get a description?? I think this was based on what you said in excess baggage to alfie.

and YESSS @mrsbsmooth is going to kill it on jaded, as she has been, with all this new tea in this volume!

[theshelbyclan]

Welcome to the chaos, little one

Summary: Giving birth is never easy, especially when it’s a Shelby x Solomons baby…

A/N I’m so slow with requests but a while back the lovely @fandom-puff​requested: Omg sorry to be a pain but I’m a sucker for Shelby chaos 😭😭😭 can I request something linked to A Very Shelby Christmas where the labour of baby Solomons is just as chaotic? But it could also be sweet like the bros finally accepting Alfie bc they all care about YN so much and can’t stand to hear her in pain, all while YN is screaming that she’ll cut off more of Alfie’s dick than his rabbi would even dare to if he ever tried to bed her again 😭😭😭 omg the chaos 👉👈 ily 💓💓 Here we go! This is part 2 to the story A Very Shelby Christmas

Words: 1638

***

“Not now, Y/N,” Arthur groaned. Ada rolled her eyes, remembering keenly when her brother had spoken those iconic words before. “It’s not like I can help it, Arthur,” you spit. 

Polly grabbed you by your arm as you doubled over again, “Alright, sweetheart, it’s time. Come with me…” “Not yet, Aunt Pol,” you panted, “It’s too early.” “The baby doesn’t have it’s own pocket watch yet,” Ada commented matter-of-factly, as she took your other arm. “Fuck!” you called out again as another contraction set in, “Fuck, fuck, fuckity-fuck!” “Nice.” “Oh, piss off John, you want to try this?” “Not really…” “Tommy!” you turned to the one family member who hadn’t said a word yet, “Get him.” “And who would that be, eh?” he replied in a low voice. “Thomas…” Aunt Polly warned softly. He raised his eyebrows, “Finn? You want Finn at the birth?” “WHY WOULD I WANT MY FUCKING BABY BROTHER HERE?!” Tommy waved a vague hand, “General comfort?” Now Aunt Polly’s eyes flashed with anger, “Thomas! Go get her husband, right now!” Tommy sighed deeply, still trying to ignore the fact that his little sister was now Mrs. Solomons, and said, “Come on boys, let’s get them all together and wet this baby’s head! Leave the women to it.” And you groaned, “Thank you…” Once Alfie would be here, everything would be easier.

*** “Solomons!” “No need to shout, mate, I’m right here, ain’t I?”

Slowly Tommy lit a cigarette and started smoking it, “It concerns my sister.” “You mean the glorious creature that made me the luckiest man on earth by marrying me? My wife? Mrs. Alfie Solomons?” A small twinkle appeared in Alfie’s eyes as he saw Tommy’s jaw tense up just a little at his words. “Yes.” “How is the old lady doing?” Alfie asked conversationally. “In pain,” Tommy replied, “She’s in labour, more to the point.” “You fucking what?” “She’s with her aunt Alfie, she’ll be fine.” Alfie blinked a few times, “Tommy I swear to God if you’re playing some fucking game with me I will shoot you between the eyes right here and now. You’re telling me my wife is in labour and you’re standing there casually smoking a cigarette, waiting for some fucking woman to tell you it’s done?” “Yes,” he nodded, “Well, I was about to go the Garrison. Thought we might bury the hatchet and you could join us.” “Have you lost your fucking mind…” Alfie said slowly, while rubbing his chin. Tommy cleared is throat and with a slight hint of uncertainty in his voice said, “It’s tradition.” “Well, if you’ll pardon my French, fuck your fucking heathen traditions, I’m going to my fucking wife and you are fucking coming with me. And bring your fucking family while you’re at it!”

*** “Why are we here?” John leaned in to Arthur slightly while asking the question in a hushed voice. “Alfie insisted.” “Why?” Arthur raised his voice, “Ask Tommy, alright? I don’t bloody know! I’m guessing it’s another Jewish thing…” On the other side of the door, you were most definitely in labour now. The pain was worse than anything you’d experienced before and you were seriously questioning your sanity at this point. “Aunt Pol?” Ada asked carefully after about an hour. Polly moved over from your side down to your legs and said, “What is it?” “Something’s wrong.” “THOMAS!” Polly bellowed as soon as she had taken a look, “Get me some more towels.”

“What’s happening?” A panicked Alfie asked from the hallway. But Polly pushed him aside and started ordering Finn to boil more water. “Woman!” he demanded, “You fucking tell me.” “She’s bleeding,” she answered quickly, “and I can’t see why.” “What can we do, Pol,” Arthur asked, wild-eyed. “Get a doctor. One we can trust.” Arthur dragged John with him, even before Polly had finished her sentence. “What about Sabini’s men?” John asked, “We were supposed to deal with them tonight. What if they come here?” “Shoot them,” Tommy said simply, as he lit another cigarette in a nervous manner. Inside the room, you were now screaming your head off. Of course you had realised giving birth would be painful, but not like this. The sight of Ada going slightly pale didn’t help either and panic had started mixing in with the general anxiety of the process, so your screams got louder and louder. “Pol…” Ada called out again, “What do I do?” In that moment, Alfie pushed passed her and fell down by your side, “I’m here,” he said softly. “I can see that,” you panted between shouts, “but why? You’re not supposed to be here.” “Out,” Aunt Polly said strictly, “This is no place for men.” And then Tommy walked in as well, averting his eyes and grabbing your hand at the same time. “What?” he said when Polly send him a death-glare, “If Alfie gets to stay, so can I!” “Fucking children…” “Alright, sweetheart,” Polly focused on you again, “This baby needs to come now.” Your eyes grew wide, “What’s wrong?” “Nothing,” Alfie replied for her, “You’ll be fine. You’re doing brilliant, babes.” “How the fuck would you know!” you shouted out. He shrugged, “Educated guess?” “Had a lot of experience with this, eh?” Tommy grumbled sarcastically. “This,” Ada pointed at the both of them, “This is why men shouldn’t be in here.” “I’m not fucking going anywhere, especially if my wife is in danger.” Tommy just shook his head in reply. “Danger?” you asked suddenly, “What does he mean in danger?” “No danger, love,” Ada soothed you, “if you just push.” And so you pushed, with every bit of strength you had in you. But then a gunshot sounded outside, followed rapidly by another two. Everyone looked up. “John,” Tommy clarified with a single word. “You’re being awfully cavalier about baby brother John getting shot there, Tommy…” Alfie commented. Tommy looked at Alfie with a frown that spoke volumes, “John just shot Sabini’s men. I told him to.” “Oh, good. Saves me the bloody trip.” “I can see some hair!” Ada called out suddenly. “What colour?” Alfie replied at once. And John stuck his head around the corner of the door, “Took care of them.” “We heard,” Aunt Polly grumbled. He hopped from one foot onto the other uncertainly, “Anything else I can do?” “Yeah, you can fuck off mate!” “Alright, I’ll stay, since you asked so nicely.” “John, just get the fuck out!” your sister shouted. The birth was chaos enough as it was and now all these boys were only adding to it instead of helping. And on top of it all, Finn stumbled in practically falling over his own feet with a bucket of water, splashing Aunt Polly in the process. This was more like a madhouse than a family occasion. But John pointed at Alfie indignantly, “He gets to stay!” “Push, Y/N,” Polly urged again, and so you did. “Nice one,” John laughed at Finn, “you literally had one job, mate.” “Mrs. Gray?” Alfie asked carefully, “Sorry to interrupt you there, alright, but I just wanted to quickly check, because you mentioned the hair, yeah? What colour? Because I’m sure I’ll love my son all the same if he’s blond, but I might just need to mentally prepare myself…” And then you finally burst out in anger, “Can you all just shut the fuck up for a second! I’m actually trying to have a fucking baby here!!” “Right, sorry about that love,” Alfie moved closer to you and grabbed your hand again, “Please continue. You’re doing brilliantly, even if he is blond…” Tommy chuckled lightly in the background, which made you even more angry somehow, “Alfie, I swear to God or Adonai or whatever you want to call him, do nottouch me again because remember how you said you couldn’t remember your circumcision?”

“Yes,” Alfie mumbled in mortal fear.

“You will remember when I do it. Remember how you told me of your rabbi doing it when boys are eight days old, because then it heals faster?”

“Yes...” he gulped.

“I’ll make it slow sweetheart. Really fucking slow.”  

“Right,” he said with big eyes, “What exactly would you have me do then except for just standing here like some great big bloody useless piece of shit?”  

“Shut up!”  

“Noted.” *** You weren’t sure what had happened exactly in that last hour. Apparently you’d lost a lot of blood and things had gotten hazy very quickly. Ada and Aunt Polly had stopped talking altogether and they had managed to save you, despite the bickering men in the background. You did remember that Alfie and Arthur had gotten into a fight at one point, but apparently they managed to resolve it quickly when the doctor arrived and they took turns in beating him up because he was no longer needed. Anger really does bring people together.

Of course, none of that really mattered now, because you were now holding a perfect baby right there, in your arms. Finn just stared at the baby, completely in awe. “Not blond…” John sounded a little disappointed. Arthur grinned, “But bloody perfect.” “Gorgeous, just like the mother,” Polly hugged you carefully. “Shelby good looks.” Tommy nodded slowly, with a sense of pride in his voice. “Any names yet?” Ada asked, “I bet you’ve picked them out ages ago, haven’t you?” “I have,” you smiled, “but couldn’t say them out loud yet, so we didn’t really discuss it. It’s bad luck.”

Uncharacteristically, Alfie hadn’t said a word yet.

“Mr. Solomons?” you said, gazing up from your one love to the other, “I believe you have a daughter.” And finally he smiled, deeply and incredibly in love as he held her tight with both hands. And in the most tender way possible he looked at you, grinned and said, “Fucking hell!”

***

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