#also yes i know the title is a different song it's thematic leave me alone

[visceravalentines]

exit music (for a film)

Would it hurt to pretend while bleeding out in a parking lot that it could've been different? That there was another way? Some fairy tale ending?

-Tags by @upwardsdescensum

He feels the first shot, but not the second, or the third.

The third one's the bitch, the one that knocks him flat. He barely registers the impact of his skull on the pavement. There's no pain, just a general awareness. A system-wide panic signal.

He thinks to himself, this is it, motherfucker.

He feels heat in his chest like water soaking through clothes. Like when you're eight years old and you piss the bed and you don't tell Ma because she'll whoop your ass. The carpet in his room is older than he is, worn and grimy. He can feel it, under his neck, under his arms. Sees the popcorn ceiling stained tobacco brown from the hurricane when he was ten.

"Why're you on the floor?"

The sound of Randy's voice in his bedroom catches him off guard. He rolls his head to the side and there he is, sitting on the edge of his bed, real as can be. Looking at him without a lick of fear, without reproach. Just looking at him.

"I like it down here," Benson says, and it's sort of true. He's slept in this spot more nights than he can count, staring up at the ceiling in the dark. He crosses his arms behind his head. "Super comfortable."

Randy scoffs, rolls his eyes, but he's smiling. Benson likes it when he smiles. "You're a dumbass."

Now that's funny. Benson laughs, delighted, and something tears in his chest. Something spills. "Watch your mouth, choir boy."

Randy gives him this look, this conspiratorial little sideways glance that reminds Benson of being in sixth grade and lighting up a Winston around the corner at recess.

He leans forward, whispers. "You're a dumbass."

Benson feels a swell of pride and affection and something seeping into his lungs. "You're a fucking spitfire, huh? World better watch out."

Randy leans back on his hands, kicks his heel against the bedframe. "Are you gonna show me that song or what?"

Benson looks down the length of his arm. His hand is resting on the shitty little boombox he saved up for when he was fifteen. "Oh. Yeah." He fumbles for the play button, fingers slippery. He can't remember what CD he's got loaded until it starts up.

That there, that's not me

Oh. Yeah. Fucking Radiohead.

I go where I please

It's kind of a bummer song and he can't remember why he wanted to show it to Randy, but he looks at him and the guy's got his head tilted back, and he's not really looking at the ceiling, he's not really looking anywhere, he's just listening. Like, actually listening.

I walk through walls, I float down the Liffey

Benson's eyes follow the line of his throat up to the plush of his lips and he swallows hard. His tongue tastes like pennies. Makes him think of the fight he picked on his last day of high school junior year, how long the blood stayed in the concrete of the sidewalk.

Randy looks at him with those eyes, blue as the ocean. He's only been there once, drove himself the day he got the Chrysler. Went alone. Felt so impossibly small, like maybe none of it mattered after all. Like maybe he was stupid for thinking it did.

I'm not here, this isn't happening

"This is nice," Benson says, and it comes out choked and wet. He's always wanted to do this. Sit and share music with someone. Anyone. The fact that it's Randy here, in his room, on his bed--too fucking good to be true.

"You sure you don't want to come sit by me?" Randy asks.

Of course he does. Of course he does, but he knows that's not an option. "Nah. I'm alright."

I'm not here, I'm not here

Randy furrows his brow. "Want me to come sit by you?"

"No, you stay there." Benson rests his hand on his chest and the weight of it surprises him. "You're perfect right there. You're perfect."

A blush creeps up Randy's cheeks. "I'm not...perfect."

Benson smiles, thinks about the day Randy started at the restaurant. How the last thing he wanted to do that Saturday was train some newbie shithead and how instead, this pretty blonde fawn of a boy followed at his heels and did everything right the first time.

"Yeah, you are."

Something starts to burn, deep in the center of his chest, like someone putting out a cigarette on his diaphragm. He looks up at the ceiling and it's black, cottony and starless.

In a little while, I'll be gone

"You like the song?" There's a tremor, a desperate edge to his voice that scares him. He's so sick and tired of being scared. He's so sick and tired.

He glances over at Randy and he looks...resigned. Regretful. He smiles, though, nods. "Yeah, Benson. I like the song."

The whites of his eyes are tinged red. No, blue. No, red. Benson hopes he isn't crying. He hates seeing him cry.

"You're gonna be okay," he says, a little too forcefully. "Yeah?"

Randy nods again. "I think so."

The moment's already passed

The burning is getting worse. Breathing aches, feels like drowning. He digs his nails into his palms. "You fucking better be."

Randy folds those knobby fingers in his lap, leans forward. "I'll do my best, Benson. I promise."

He smiles sadly, and Benson believes him.

Yeah, it's gone, and I'm not here

The carpet disappears. The asphalt underneath him is still warm from the sun. The ocean sloshes in his chest and now he feels it, now it hurts like he thought it would. The sky is black and cottony. Starless. The bed is gone, Randy is gone. He can still hear the song, though.

This isn't happening

He thought it'd be faster. Seems like it's taken years. But it's coming, now, after all this fucking time, the heat fading fast to a hollow, stinging cold, and then to nothing. His fingers and toes go first, hands and feet, and so on. He's got one good breath left. One more. And then it's over.

I'm not here, I'm not here

Fuck, he's relieved and he wishes he wasn't. Wishes he was anywhere but here. Anyone but himself.

He catches a glimpse of him in his periphery at the last second. Sitting on the curb like a kid left at the Winn-Dixie, all elbows and knees. He's crying, dammit. Benson supposes he can't blame him this time, because he's crying too. It's fucking tragic, all of it, the whole fucking thing.

Strobe lights and blown speakers

But it's okay, really. Randy's gonna be okay. He promised. Benson trusts him. He did what he could, he really tried. And maybe this, at least, he managed to succeed at.

Fireworks and hurricanes

The last breath hurts the worst.

I'm not here, this isn't happening

He holds Randy's name on his tongue for good luck. For safekeeping. For the hell of it. And he lets all the rest of it go.

I'm not here, I'm not here

The exhale is euphoric.

[cozy-the-overlord]

Miles To Go Before I Sleep

Part 3 of Cozy’s Fluff-To-Angst Fun and Games

@fablesrose said:

Alright, break my heart.

A lover softly combing their fingers through your hair as your head lays in their lap, quietly drifting to sleep with a hum.

Summary: She could accept this fate, did accept this fate, if it meant that he would escape safe and sound. But Loki could never let her fall alone.

Word Count: 1,663

Pairing: Loki x Sigyn

A/N: So this is based on a dream I had a while ago ... it’s weird. I know it might not make any sense, but my dreams never make any sense lol, so I was kind of trying to channel that a bit. The title is from Robert Frost’s “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening”-- I debated about that for a while, because I know this story doesn’t really fit that poem thematically (like ... at all), but the atmosphere it creates is sort of what I was going for? Kind of? Idk this story is a trash fire. 

Also please let me know what you think of the ending! I’m genuinely curious to see how people interpret it ...

Thanks for reading!

Warnings: Drowning? (but no death)

Tags:  @lucywrites02 @silver-lupines @whatafuckingdumbass @the-emo-asgardian @imnotrevealingmyname @electroma89 @lokislittlesigyn @moumouton4 @theredrenard @justdontmindmetm​

If you want to be tagged, feel free to send an ask/message :)

Read it on Ao3!

At first, she thought she was dead. That moment when she first hit the water, the icy crack that shattered her vision as millions of tiny needles pierced every sliver of skin and cut straight to her bones—surely, she must be dead. No body could survive such raw cold.

But she wasn’t. She was alive for now, alive enough to scream as freezing water rushed down her throat, up her nostrils, through her ears, ripping her apart from the inside until there was nothing left but ice.

Can’t breathe—

The surface sparkled above her with a mocking glow. She knew how to swim, but when she tried to kick her legs only dangled in the water, useless chunks of lead pulling her deeper and deeper with each failed flail. Her arms weren’t working properly. Her fingers had turned to icicles.

No, she wasn’t dead, but she was dying.

The thought electrified her, and she tried another half-hearted thrash for the surface even as her chest swelled with water. She didn’t want to die. Not like this. Somewhere, deep down, she was ashamed of her fear. She hadn’t fought the drop. She had given herself up to death’s eternal slumber. Why was she panicking now?

But this was different. She had made peace with the fall, yes, but the water did not hold the same mercy. Please. She gasped for the surface, not even sure who she was pleading with.

Please, not like this.

She wasn’t expecting an answer.

And yet one came.

In one moment, she was spiraling down into the blackness, in another, the light was flying towards her in a halo of bubbles, a familiar arm tight and firm around her waist.

Somehow, the air she heaved into her lungs was even colder than the water below, the frigid wind that whipped across her cheeks threatening to take her skin with it. She coughed out a waterfall, the panic that had been frozen in her throat finally freed from its floodgates as she sobbed and shook against his chest.

His.

Sigyn gagged on the realization.

“You—you—” But her voice only burned, too raw for speech. When she attempted to twist around to see his face, he only held her more tightly against him as he pulled her to the embankment. She pulled at his collar with numb fingers.

“You were supposed to run,” she choked. “Loki, you were supposed to run.”

Loki said nothing. He scooped her up like she weighed no more than a feather, his ruby eyes staring off at something only he could see as they trudged through the snow. She realized suddenly that she was shivering, teeth chattering like a pair of castanets, and she gulped as she tried in vain to hold her frostbitten hands still. Loki’s grip around her tightened.

“We need to get you warm,” he said. “You’ll freeze like this.”

What he needed to do was drop her and get as far away from her as possible, but Sigyn’s voice wasn’t working properly. Really, very little was working properly. Her vision was going fuzzy in the corners, the steady sound of his wet boots crunching against the ice was starting to fade into an indistinguishable buzz.

She only noticed they had stopped when the fire crackled to life—a vibrant, vigorous warmth that washed all over her, and she found herself bathing in the glow of dancing flames despite her better judgment.

“Loki!” she whispered weakly, fighting to cling to her last dregs of reason. “The smoke— he’ll find you—”

Loki lay behind her, holding her to his chest with a touch so gentle she barely felt it. His fingertips danced across her temples, stroking clumps of wet hair from her face as they went.

“You’re so beautiful.” His voice was soft and safe, a warm blanket wrapping her up and sheltering her from the world.

She inhaled. Her chest felt numb. “What’s going to happen?” She hated that she sounded so small, like a frightened child cowering at a storm. But surely what they were facing was a storm of its own? Sigyn knew very well who it was pursuing them. She knew he would stop at nothing to retrieve what he wanted.

It could only be a matter of time …

But Loki was unconcerned. “Don’t worry, darling,” he soothed. “Don’t worry. It’s all going to turn out right.”

“The tesseract—”

He hushed her gently. “Everything’s going to be just fine.” He hummed as he combed through her hair, a tune that Sigyn almost recognized, something innocent and nostalgic. It was something from a lifetime far away, dancing on the edge of her memory. She found her eyelids slipping closed, even as she fought to remain awake.

Can’t sleep now. Can’t leave him …

“It’s all right, my love,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head. “You can go. I promise I’ll be all right.”

And so, she gave into his words, and the world faded to black.

…

When they found him, the fire had gone out. Loki was hunched alone in the snow, watching little flecks of ice crystalize on his blue skin. He didn’t bother to stand as they surrounded his makeshift camp. Why should he? He was weary, and besides— it didn’t matter now.

The Mad-Titan loomed over him, his golden armor sparkling with frost as he regarded Loki with a kind of patronizing amusement.

“And so the Jotun blesses us with his true colors.”

Loki fixed him with a heavy-lidded stare, breath whistling through his lips in a silver vapor. He was too exhausted for words. Besides, what was there to say? Everyone here knew how this was going to end.

At least, they thought they did.

“I’m surprised at your choice,” Thanos grinned. It was a spider’s smile, one that said he wasn’t surprised at all. Loki pressed his nails into the palms of his hands. “I thought for sure you had chosen to run.”

Yes. Sigyn had thought so too, had wanted him to flee. He had seen in her eyes, that peaceful resignation as she accepted her fate.

As if he could ever let her fall alone.

Thanos knew it. That was the frustrating part. He knew Loki would jump in to save her or die trying. He knew he’d give up his life, give up the tesseract, give up every living creature in the universe if it meant keeping her safe …

It didn’t matter now. Sigyn was free from harm, far outside the Titan’s reach, and the tesseract …

“Hand it over, princeling.”

Loki only smirked. History may call him Silvertongue, but oh, sometimes silence tasted so sweet.

Thanos’ eyes narrowed.

They dragged him to his feet in an instant. Loki didn’t fight it. It was only a matter of seconds before the realization would strike, and he for one was enjoying the anticipation.

The Titan towered over him. Loki fought the urge to laugh. He clearly thought himself intimidating, but his tiny eyes glaring out from beneath his helmet only made Loki think of an overgrown cockroach wearing armor.

Still, he bit his tongue.

“I’ll ask only once more,” Thanos leaned towards him, practically spitting in his face. “The tesseract. Hand it over.”

Loki didn’t flinch.

“My lord—” It was one of his Children, hunched over a datapad with a molded tension in his shoulders.

Here we go.

“What?”

“It’s not here.”

“What do you mean it’s not here?” Thanos snapped. “He has it!”

The man inhaled a shaky breath. “Forgive me sir, but he doesn’t. Here—” He held the tablet to the Titan with trembling hands in frantic supplication. “It’s not on his person. It’s not even on this planet. There’s not even the slightest trace of its gamma signature on this side of the galaxy!”

Loki grinned.

…

She awoke in her bed, cocooned in the snug embrace of her favorite fuzzy blanket. The rain pattered on the roof outside, a soft hum that almost soothed her back into slumber. Still, she pulled herself from sleep’s clutches and yawned, stretching as she sat up.

Such a strange dream.

It seemed so distant now, all wrapped up in warmth. She could only barely recall the last dregs of icy panic, floundering in a frozen river. And the man who had pulled her out …

She chuckled to herself. If only every nightmare ended with a tall, dark stranger rushing to her rescue. Although memory of his face eluded her, she couldn’t forget the feeling of his arm around her waist, so strong yet so gentle at the same time, clutching her to his chest like it was his sole purpose in life to hold her close. She sighed. Her subconscious had been kind to her last night.

A loud yowling from down the hall startled her from her reverie—the cat, demanding his breakfast. She frowned at the clock and jumped when she realized how late it was. Oh well. Can’t spend all morning fantasizing about handsome dream-men. Time to get up.

There was a song stuck in her head, she realized suddenly. It took her a moment to place it. Some silly jump rope chant from elementary school that she hadn’t thought of in years.

She giggled. How obscure is that?

Another meow reverberated through the apartment, an impatient edge to the cry. She groaned, throwing back the covers.

“Alright, alright, I’m coming!” One of her slippers was missing from its usual spot. She frowned. “Tigger, did you steal my slipper?”

Tigger only let out another screech, and she huffed. That damn cat was always snatching everything she left out and stashing them under something—he was a veritable hoarder.

“Fine,” she yelled, making her way to the kitchen slipperless. “Be like that, you little thief—”

So distracted was she by the cat, she didn’t notice the faint blue glow emanating from the tangled mess of her bedsheets.

[omegas-spaghettios]

Ranking MCU Captain America figures

Before I begin, I want to clarify this is about my enjoyment of these characters and NOT who i think are the best morality or power wise. I specify because I think my first two entries will upset some people and I want to say, this list is NOT in order of how much I agree with these characters' values. I have a heavy favoritism towards theme and character interaction and that is where a lot of my enjoyment from media comes from. So, let's begin.

6. Captain America: CW, IW, and Endgame

I'm separating Steve into two because around CW he starts making decisions that really frustrate me.

Now I do think there is a lot to like still! His conviction to his morals during the Accords and continuing arc about government distrust is great, his stand against Thanos in IW is amazing, he is a lot of fun to watch during the New York part of the time heist, and lifting Mjolnir was legit my best theater moment ever and i will NEVER forget it.

However, in CW he starts making some awful decisions. In CW, he kisses Sharon like, days after Peggy's funeral. While on it's own it's already kinda creepy, Endgame retroactively makes this even worse. It goes on to also have grave consequence because he and Sam asked Sharon to break the law for them and never followed through to help her, which was pretty awful of them. At least Sam tries to make it right in TFATWS, but since Steve left that wrong on Sharon never gets reconciled from him.

I also think that his decision to keep Bucky and Howard's history a secret from Tony was really, really stupid. While I side with him during the fight, the fact that Steve "doesn't like when his teammates withhold information" Rogers didn't tell Tony this then walked into a Winter Soldier facility with Bucky and Tony during the most strained time of their relationship was just begging for that conflict.

He is barely in IW and while his stand against Thanos is a great moment, his decision to not let Vision kill himself is very frustrating. "We don't trade lives" then he goes to Wakanda to let thousands of soldiers die while they try and get the stone out, really dude?

I don't think going back in time in Endgame was inherently a bad ending but things he does to make it happen really frustrates me. He shows no signs of mourning Bucky or Sam at all. And then for the sake of surprise for the audience, he never tells Sam what he's doing and that is so awful. Sam dedicates 4 years of his life helping Steve with a good portion of it being on the run. Sam was with Steve more during the present than ANYONE else. Then Steve just leaves without telling him and shows back up to drop a ton of responsibility on Sam that he didn't ask for. Now Sam is an amazing Cap but it's frustrating to see that a lot of TFATWS is fallout of Steve's bad decisions in these three movies.

5. Captain America: John Walker

Now hold on, I hate this man. I think he does some awful things, so why is he above anyone else? Just because he isn't frustrating to me, he fits thematically and has good interactions with others in TFATWS.

His character really adds to the themes and discussions of white privilege, Supremacy, as well as how the US military treats their soldiers like shit, and I think he is an interesting character to watch as he starts out edging the line of evil and by the end of episode 4 crosses it. While I think Bucky was overall a bit too chummy with him in 6, I think it was all mostly in character for them. Sam and Bucky were up against 6 super soldiers and Batroc in a highly crowded city with lots of important people, it makes sense to me that they take his help in this scenario. They also never leave him alone which indicates distrust.

I also really like the moment where he drops the shield to help the truck. He is a shitty person but he is shown as a person who at least wants to do good, even though any challenge to that he goes off the rails. It is such a black and white scenario, help the truck of innocents, and I like that he does it. It also adds to the hatred of him as a person because it shows he clearly knows better but chooses to ignore it, which makes him even more despicable.

I think it is very important that a man like him bore the title of Captain America because it reminds us all that yes, it is very easy that a man like him represents America as it is and that we need to do better than him.

I like watching him and that's why he's above CW on Steve because he isn't making aggravatingly out of character decisions all of the time and he works very well within the themes of the show.

With me loving him in the context of TFATWS, in later appearances he does have a lot of potential to drop to last pretty easily, but as of now when he just is in that show, I appreciate his character a lot.

4. Red Guardian

I kinda like this character and idk how to feel about it

He doesn't fit Black Widow very much so he is kinda low but I mean, he's just kinda fun. His story about Captain America and the USSR is pretty non-related to the others and rather undeveloped which is frustrating, and he does very little plot significant things. He leads Nat and Yelena to Melina and that's about it. He distracts Taskmaster for a while but he kinda is just getting tossed around until Melina shows up. He isn't very important.

But I do like what I see and do hope we see more of him. They never pretend he's a great person and I do appreciate that he gets called on it constantly. His knuckles having Karl Marx on them kills me and overall he's pretty humorous and fun to watch. He also has a few great moments thematically that I love. When he comforts Yelena after the dinner scene and sings her favorite song as a kid? So heartwarming. When he took Taskmaster's shield when fleeing the Red Room I laughed at his ridiculousness but it lead to a pretty great moment, when he throws the shield through the windshield without hesitation to save Melina. It's a great moment to show how he's letting go of his past and obsessions to be there for his family.

I hope we see more of him, his overall lack of importance and stereotypical behavior kinda holds him back but I see so much potential in him.

3. Agent Carter

As of today she has been in exactly one 30 minute episode, but what I see I really like. Her laughter of surprise when she takes the tesseract is really endearing, her sword and muscles and height make my wlw heart patter, and I do like the difference in her relationship with Steve in this universe, where they both are of incredible capabilities but neither are given any respect for how they were born. We get that in TFA too but I really like that it is a constant theme in this iteration while in TFA it gets dropped a bit after Steve receives the serum.

There is very little of her so I can't really put her higher yet, but given more time she very well may rise up on this list but she had an excellent first showing.

2. Pre-CW Captain America: Steve Rogers

This man is a joy.

He is such an endearing scrappy little guy in the beginning of TFA and I love his commitment to doing the right thing. He still very much acts like a guy who just gained 120 pounds of muscle during that movie and it's endearing. The way he grows into his own skin in TWS is amazing as we see him really step in to what he can accomplish physically as well as his authority and leadership.

His Whedonisms in the first two Avengers films kinda bug me, they treat him like an old man when he isn't. Biologically he's like, early 30's at most here. He grew up as a fighter in Brooklyn then served in the military, he wouldn't care if his teammates swear, but overall it's tolerable.

I LOVE this man's commitment to transparency. He struggles when allies are not transparent and he shows nothing but transparency and I love that that is a constant for him (which is why I separate him from CW on)

Everyone loves this guy and over 90% of criticisms I see for him come after AoU, and that's for good reason, this guy is so loveable.

1. Captain America: Sam Wilson

He's so good, guys

I want to talk about Sam before the suit because he is amazing before it. He runs counseling for veterans, a profession very becoming of a superhero and it speaks to his incredible empathy and compassion that is on full display. I also think the fact that he dedicated 2 years to finding Bucky is not appreciated enough. Sure he was following Steve but he still spent 2 years trying to find Bucky, a person who tried to murder him. Yet he understands it isn't Bucky's fault and tries to help him anyway. I also really like that he is the first to speak out against the Accords. He doesn't wait for Steve or anyone else, he sees red flags and he is out and I really, really love that about him.

Then I love how long it takes for him to choose to become Cap and how much he contemplates it. He has to contemplate the legacy of Steve, if he wants to wear the symbol of this country, the pressures of being a black man as Cap, the legacy that John added to it, the pressures from Bucky and the pressures from Isaiah, and also his own legacy he carved for himself as the Falcon. It's a huge decision with a lot of weight and so many people pressuring him but he takes his time and chooses what is right for him, and I really love that about him. These other characters are all Caps from near the start but he transitions into one after years of knowing him as the Falcon and I love that he doesn't take this decision lightly.

Also as Cap he's just really cool. His decisions to not take the serum as well as try like hell to get Karli to step down speak to his humility and compassion. And while many describe his speech as bland it's still uniquely him. Yes the speech doesn't solve any problems but that isn't what he's doing, he's asking America and the world to get to actually solving them and that is an aspect of him we don't see much since Steve's propaganda days, his direct relation to the public.

Also his suit and wings are just awesome, I argue his action is the most fun to watch out of any of these characters.

Anyway yeah that's the list, I know people won't agree with me so let's try and keep discussion civil, alright?

[gunnerpalace]

(These asks were reordered from bottom-to-top to top-to-bottom for clarity.)

Alright, so the first thing I want to say in response to this is actually best summarized in the form of a song:

You are somebody that I don't know But you're takin' shots at me like it's Patrón And I'm just like, damn, it's 7 AM Say it in the street, that's a knock-out But you say it in a Tweet, that's a cop-out And I'm just like, "Hey, are you okay?"

And I ain't tryna mess with your self-expression But I've learned a lesson that stressin' and obsessin' 'bout somebody else is no fun And snakes and stones never broke my bones

So oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh You need to calm down, you're being too loud And I'm just like oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh (oh) You need to just stop Like can you just not step on my gown? You need to calm down

I would like you to seriously reread what you’ve written here (and copy-and-pasted to others) and tell me that it doesn’t come across as more than a little obsessive and psychotic. "This may seem like hate, but it's not," you said anonymously, before going on a rant to strangers on the internet whom you had nominated as the representatives of "you guys." Sure, okay, Heather.

Well, regardless, let’s go through this. First, you don't understand 685/686. I've been over this before several times, but I will go over this one final time, as simply as I can. That said, I can't guarantee that you will understand it when I do. I was unable to successfully tutor 1st graders how to do addition because my perspective was, "Either you understand it or you don't," and I don't have the background in math to make such a simple concept exciting. The same might be true of this, because there is no way to critically analyze these chapters more succinctly than this, and so you still might not get it.

The point of 685/686, thematically, is that absolutely no one got what they wanted.

Renji wanted to surpass Byakuya. He remains Byakuya's Lieutenant and has to settle for being under his sister (figuratively and probably literally too) who now also outranks him as a Captain.

Rukia wanted to reform Soul Society into a more humane institution that protects all souls. It is the same as it ever was, and if anything has doubled down on its practices by rebuilding the Soukyoku (on which it tried to kill her) a hundred times larger, and she is one of its main wardens.

Uryuu wanted anything but to be a doctor, ever since he watched his mom being autopsied by his dad. He is now a doctor, and all alone at that.

Chad promised his grandfather to never hurt people with his fists. He is now a boxer, doing exactly that for money.

Orihime wanted to go out and have several different exciting careers. She is instead a stay-at-home mom.

Ichigo wanted to save a "mountain full" of people, be Superman, leave Karakura, and be a Shinigami. He instead appears to run Isshin's clinic now.

So, yes, you are correct: Kubo chose that Ichigo wind up with Orihime. It is exceedingly clear, from the context, that this is absolutely not a good thing.

That point is further reemphasized by Yhwach’s threat to come kill Ichigo and everyone else when they are at their happiest. And when does he reappear?

When Ichigo saw Rukia again.

Not when Ichigo asked Orihime out. Not when they started dating, officially or unofficially. Not when they were married. Not when she gave birth to his son. Not when his son said his first words.

Not when anything happened with Orihime or Kazui, but when he saw Rukia again.

That is your “Kubo-sensei” telling you directly that the happiest moment in Ichigo’s life was just simply seeing Rukia again, and not anything involving Orihime in any capacity whatsoever.

All of that should tell you that Ichigo and Orihime’s relationship is not exactly the stuff legends are made out of, because them winding up together is explicitly portrayed as a downer ending. A bad ending. 

If you cared at all about the characters—if you cared at all about their desires, or their happiness—or if you cared at all that IchiHime was presented as even merely good, let alone destined or fated or whatever else, then you would be offended by this ending too. 

Because the ending is “Kubo-sensei” straight-up unequivocally telling you that IchiHime is bad and tragic. It is something that one must demonstrate “courage” in the face of. It requires stoicism. It is a bad ending, but that’s life. That’s what the ending means.

He did you dirty too. You just don’t want to see it, because you are so obsessed with the concept of “winning.” Well, this was mutually-assured destruction: everyone lost. Especially you.

Moving on: no, Kubo doesn’t really get attention or money from us. I’m not really sure where this idea comes from.

I’m not an expert on Japanese intellectual property rights and licensing, but I know enough about them in general to know that very little if any money goes to Kubo personally from ongoing Bleach merchandise sales. For example, KLab more than likely has a contract with Shueisha (representing Kubo, hence why they’re put together on BBS’s title card), TV Tokyo, Dentsu, and Pierrot, wherein they pay those entities a fixed amount to license Bleach per year or per contractual term. It’s not like Kubo is making money off of every orb purchase or every figurine sold or something. These things don’t work like that.

As for attention, he’s still hiding from social media (for reasons of his own, unrelated to the fandom), and the people who give him attention are... you. People like you. “True Bleach fans” who can’t stop treating all his shit like it’s solid gold. We have made it fairly clear we don’t need him or care what he thinks.

Regarding BBS, maybe you haven’t noticed, but the majority of the imagery they use is IchiRuki-focused. The last title screen was IchiRuki. The Guild button is IchiRuki. The Events button is IchiRuki. The Chronicle Quest button is IchiRuki. Here, I’ve helpfully highlighted this for you:

While they do occasionally toss IH a bone, the last January event also ended on an IR note despite the ridiculous crowing about it being IH. While I’m at it, even the current supposedly “IH” title screen is anything but.

It doesn’t take Michelangelo or Da Vinci to figure out the composition here is not terribly suggestive. While Rukia is indeed off to one side, the fact Uryuu, Zangetsu, and the title card are between Ichigo and Orihime (and they’re looking in different directions) makes it pretty evident that they’re not being visually associated together. It is at best a “general” title screen. Uryuu is showing more visual interest in Ichigo than Orihime is.

I’ll come back to “the anime” in a minute. Let’s talk about their “tag-team move.” Do you mean the one that ended like this?

This one that didn’t work whatsoever?

This one where Ichigo wasn’t concerned at all that Orihime might be dead or dying as she lay there on the ground?

This one where he absolutely gave into despair?

How romantic. Truly, what an excellent battle-couple they make. Their combat effectiveness and synergy is just astounding. I for one would love to see it animated.

(Let’s not forget that later, Orihime can’t repair Zangetsu without some nonsense shenanigans from Tsukishima either. Just like how her healing abilities are useless against any sufficiently strong residual reiatsu. Ah, but that would require reading the manga closely...)

Finally, on to the idea of the anime returning. Here’s the thing: news about a trailer also doesn’t really mean anything. Sure, it could be TYBW. Or it could be The Honey Dish Rhapsody. Or it could be a thousand other things. I neither know, nor particularly care, what it actually is, on top of my explanations as to why animating TYBW would be a dumb business decision.

Here’s why: even if it is a TYBW anime, it will have to be an adaptation of TYBW. They will still have to follow the plot of TYBW. And TYBW was a pile of shit. It wasn’t just a pile of shit for IR, it was a pile of shit in general, and a pile of shit for IH in particular.

Perhaps you don’t recall that Orihime spends most of the arc off-panel, having been ditched in Hueco Mundo for most of it (chapters 500–586)?

Oh, but just think, you wouldn’t just get to see the Ichigo-Orihime “tag team” attack totally and utterly failing! You’d also get delights like:

Orihime and Chad utterly failing to believe in Ichigo! (Just like in the Xcution arc where it was demonstrated that Byakuya was a truer friend to Ichigo than either of them!)

Orihime being reduced to a pair of tits, each bigger than her own head!

Ichigo totally ignoring Orihime!

And who can forget the delight of Orihime selling out her dignity to dress slutty at Kisuke’s suggestion to try and get Ichigo’s attention, only for it to not work at all?

Yes, truly, TYBW would be a fantastic arc for IH that would surely win over the populace and convince everyone of the chemistry between these two characters!

Except it wouldn’t. Because they have no chemistry. And they didn’t. See, what’s really funny is that not only did TYBW not give you anything, but it was just following up on the Xcution arc not giving you anything.

Because ORIHIME VISION was played for laughs, just like say, Shuhei constantly is.

Because despite Chad and Orihime being about as important to Ichigo, he couldn’t even bother to say bye. 

Because he just didn’t have time to deal with her bullshit.

I could go on, but this post is already long enough.

You see, you’re real keen to dismiss "all the scene or poem shit or parallel or the hell else thing," but the truth is, that’s all there is to a manga. It is panels of art and text on a page. The rest is just in your head. And it is from those panels of art and text that animated scenes and spoken dialogue would be created. And the funny thing is... there are no IH moments in these arcs. They simply don’t exist.

So really, what you’re hoping and praying for is not just for TYBW to be adapted. Given your evident thirst, I doubt that the perhaps 5–10 minute epilogue of 685/686 at the end of 4–5 seasons would be enough for you. You’d need the animation team to decide to sprinkle in a whole lot of IH filler along the way too.

That didn’t work out so hot for the Xcution arc. How did that one end again? Oh, that’s right: they made up their own (better) ending for it. Are you really willing to bet your money on a TYBW anime going out of its way for IH, if you even get it? Or would you really be satisfied with those 5–10 minutes? Are you really so sure you’d even still get them?

Ultimately, I don’t care. You’re blocked. But, I will say this: in a way I almost kind of pity you. It seems really sad being a militant anonymous IH, desperately and eternally craving outside validation. You have so very little to cling to. It must be hard.

Good luck with that, Heather.

[shefightslikeagirl]

CORSETS AND STRIPED STOCKINGS: OUTFITTING THE ASYLUM FOR WAYWARD VICTORIAN GIRLS by She Fights Like A Girl

These articles are best viewed on desktop, but are mobile friendly. Please excuse any strange formatting on your phone browser or the Tumblr app.

This article was longer than intended and image-heavy, so it’s been split into two parts.

PART V: AN ASYLUM MUSICAL

“And if I end up with blood on my hands, Well, I know that you’ll understand ‘Cause I fight like a girl.” - Fight Like A Girl (2014)

And now we're back to the relatively recent past, when this blog was in its infancy and the fandom couldn't decide whether to stick with the forum or run rampant on Tumblr. Fight Like A Girl (the album) was still being recorded, but Emilie did a few live dates Down Under and decided to feature the title song from the unfinished album.

To my understanding, the Harvest Festival was another one of those concerts where the show was considerably downsized because of the cost of shipping props and set pieces. But where the South American tours hadn’t pulled back in the wardrobe department, the Harvest festival did. Emilie and the Crumpets performed in one costume for the entire set. But to make up for the lack of glam, EA debuted the first costume of the FLAG era.

This costume was worn for the cover art of Fight Like A Girl, and acted as the signature corset for the very first Fight Like A Girl World Tour (2012). 

“Asylum Secrets: All of my costumes over the years have been made to look as though someone had been murdered in them and come back from the dead to enact a fabulous revenge. To achieve this, I have employed techniques from melting fabrics with an industrial strength heat gun to spraying them with solutions that no human should ever breathe. In the case of the corset pictured, I burned it mercilessly with sticks of incense before painting the fabric to make it look moth-eaten.” - EA on the creation of the FLAG corset (June 25, 2018)

Speaking of the 2012 FLAG World Tour! While there were a lot of changes from The Door Tour and Harvest Festival, this tour is probably best remembered as a transition phase between eras. There were new costumes, but… the Rat Queen still introduced the show with 4 o’Clock. There were new set dressings, but… the shadow scrim was still main stage center. The new corset was mixed in with the Rat Queen ensemble and the structure of the show hadn’t changed terribly. New, but… kinda not?

Except for that Warrior Mohawk, of course.

Upper: WVC content / eBay listing photo. Lower: Making of the Warrior Mohawk from Emilie’s Flickr account.

This is the only tour where Emile wore a mohawk for the entirety(-slash-majority) of the show. Later concerts would see her removing it after the third song. There was some slight skepticism in the fandom with its debut, sparking discourse about everything from cultural appropriation to thematic relevance, but EA didn’t make much comment on the criticism.

“[The Warrior Mohawk] signified the transformation from victim to warrior. I feel that it is important for me to let go in order that I may go on to transform yet again and create new bits of wearable magic to surprise you with... This headpiece symbolized the birth of a new era in the Asylum…. This is the headdress of a tribal Queen…” - EA, 2012 eBay auction description.

“The Mohawk headdress represents the tribal, wild element of the sisterhood that formed during the imprisonment of the inmates, and shows that, once we escape and are on the rampage to take down our oppressors, we have indeed transformed from individual, helpless victims into a strong and beautifully terrifying tribal warriors.”  - EA for Natalie’s World, 2013 (x) (x)

Another costume that debuted on this tour was the MC of the Ophelia Gallery, who had his own brand-new number: Girls! Girls! Girls!

And as for its history...

(My best guess is that this photo originated in 2009, based on her hair.)

This character is a hint at the structure of the tour (and album) to come, where it would be less about the mad girls existing inside the Asylum and more about the story of how they got there, and what happened once they were interned. Allow me to stray from the costuming topic for just a moment…

A TANGENT: OF STAGE SHOWS AND ASYLUM CONTINUITY Spoiler filled ramblings of a long-time fan.

I’ve got a running theory that The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls, in all its forms, runs in parallel to the concerts. But they match each other in reverse. [Spoilers for the book to follow.]

Emilie’s first concert of the Opheliac brand was in a small venue in Chicago, alongside Lady Joo Hee. In The Asylum… book, Emily-with-a-y’s final days in the Asylum were spent with Sachiko (a character based on and formerly named Joo Hee). 

The Opheliac shows of 2007-2011 were all about the women in an Asylum singing songs and welcoming others home. Cannibals, ballerinas, pyrate captains, nymphomanics -- they all ran rampant with no apparent oversight except from Emilie herself. Rats crept and crawled onstage unbothered; toys, crumpets, and cupcakes were in abundance, often served alongside “tea,” and there isn’t a single cell door in sight.

Especially in the earliest days of the concerts, the set design had an emphasis on appearing hand-made -- not only because it was, but because it should be for these girls. This was the world EA branded for herself: a world of freedom, without judgement, earned by their own hands.

In The Asylum… book, after the Inmates take over and kill the doctors, this is very much what they do: impersonate medical professionals and welcome sick and not-so-sick girls home to protect them, nurture them, and give them the best life that the Victorian Age fails to do. They take over the Asylum and make it their own.

Then in the FLAG performances (2012-2014), the storytelling shifts. EA’s Asylum world is no longer loosely themed with inmates running amok, but adheres to a more rigid storytelling structure, detailing the struggles and despair of the girls locked up in The Asylum(-with-a-capital-T). It mirrors the bulk of the content in The Asylum… book. The carefree, whimsical stage dressings shift to bars -- a representation of the cells and gates in The Asylum. There might be a bear tied to a dreary grey harpsichord; you might even see a single rat scratching about. But they don’t have dominion here. There’s no freedom. Just the story of the girls trapped behind the bars.

And now we’re stalled on both sides of the street. We’ve met in the middle. The concerts started at the end of the book, and ended at the beginning. 

Ok, I’ll put my soapbox away. Let’s get back on track.

BACK TO BUSINESS

Where were we?

Oh, yes: Girls! Girls! Girls! and new costumes.

So let’s jump forward a little more, because there isn’t much else to say about Emilie’s costume style in the 2012 FLAG World Tour. Moving on to the 2013 Fight Like A Girl: North American Tour (and following European and Australian tours), a brand new show was brought to the stage. Full new stage set-up, new costumes, and a full new setlist. 

A costume I’ll be referring to as the “armored corset” replaced the moth-eaten FLAG ensemble in the opening number. Both Maggots and Veronica were given new costumes as well, replacing the costumes they had worn for years. 

Armored Corset, with varying amounts of sparkled (2013)

Maggie Lally; Captain Maggot / Captain Maggots

Veronica Varlow; The Naughty Veronica

The show design of this tour had Emilie in the armored corset with the mohawk for the two opening numbers, Fight Like A Girl and Time for Tea. The mohawk and the armored plates on her chest and hip were removed during the 4 o’Clock Reprise, leaving her without her armor for What Will I Remember? as the narrative moves back to the beginning of the story, before the “Uprising.”

On the subject of the corset: structurally, it was outfitted with snaps to attach the armor and allow for easy removal (see corset detail above, bottom right). The mohawk proved a more difficult challenge to remove, as it was securely clipped, pinned, and secured into EA’s hair. This ended up being corrected in the redesign that produced Mohawk 2.0.

Back to the show! By the time we get to Veronica’s Dominant fan dance, EA has removed the armor corset completely in the interim to prepare for the Girls! Girls! Girls! costume change. After Scavenger, the entire cast changes into Asylum Inmate Rags to perform Gaslight and The Key, and then changes back into full costume for the finale. Emilie wears the full FLAG ensemble from previous tours to close out the show, with varying headdresses. 

But I’m skipping over something important.

The Scavenger.

Inspired by Jim Henson’s The Dark Crystal, The Scavenger, a vulture-esque representation of Dr. Greavsely, appeared onstage for Scavenger. 

“This is the start of the original costume @maggotmagpie wears in our show, the one Greavesly wears in #AsylumMusical will be bonkers…” - EA on the Scavenger (February 7, 2016)

EA on Twitter/Twitpic 2012 (x)

The Scavenger was usually worn by Maggots as part of a stilt-walking performance, but if the venue couldn’t or wouldn’t allow for stunts onstage, Emilie would appear alone in the costume for the number. 

Scavenger has plenty of different “shows” (A show, B show, and C show for my theme park friends), with “A Show” being Captain Maggot on stilts.

Note: The Atlanta show featured here is a bit strange, as it uses the Stage Screen and the Asylum Bars during a tour that doesn’t feature the former. Emilie also isn’t in the normal costume for this number, using a personal scarf to cover her bloomers and bra.

“B Show” would be Emilie performing as the Scavenger, due to venue restrictions. This was actually the way Scavenger debuted, until Maggot’s first performance later in the tour. (See pictures and even more info here.)

“C Show” would be Moth’s performance in the final set of Fight Like A Girl tours, as seen below:

(There’s also “D Show,” (ha) which is this random dude performing as The Scavenger. I’ve yet to figure this out, but my guess is it was a technician stepping in at the last moment or a friend of EA from Oakland.)

Last, but not least, are the Asylum Rags. You’d think there wouldn’t be much to say here, but there is. Click on the continue link below to learn more about tattered costumes and the rest of the FLAG era, because Tumblr only allows 10 pictures per post.

CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE.

Fly back… PART I: Enchant and the Faerie Queene PART II: Drowning Ophelia PART III: Vecona, Seamstress of the Asylum PART IV: Wayward Victorian Girls

Remember to visit Part III and enter our giveaway! Ends 12/1/19.

[SEE ALL CREDITS AND SOURCES HERE.]

[decorous-biohazart]

Trigger warnings to all who read or watch this. Just like the video says, the thematic nature of it’s content as well as my entry cover very sensitive topics. 

I saw this tonight, and the words of it along with the recent implications of situations as well as encouragement from those I confide in I wanted to share this. 

But moreso, I want to speak. 

Normally I’d say ‘you don’t have to read this’ or ‘it’s just a vent musing ignore it haha’ but not this time. 

Not talking, keeping things to yourself, and having apathy for your situation will only make it worse and lead you to doing things that hurt others just as bad as yourself. 

My story, my experience, is what pushed me to start art and speak out about abuse. But recently I’ve started to waver, lose my push forward to chase that dream and instead wallow in thoughts and memories. 

They need out, and I’m going to let them out. 

So I ask, as selfish as it sounds, please read. Just this once.

If you did read all of this, I thank you for listening and I hope it helped you just as much as me. If not, I encourage you to at least watch this video if you have battled with any kind of abuse.

Because of this video and what has come from it, I had the courage to send a message to my former youth pastor to speak with him and his wife to tell them the truth about what they didn’t know about my father. Not out of a vendetta, but as a Deacon in their church he deserves to know who he is. 

But above that, I need closure, and I won’t be denied any longer.

You are not alone in this. We are not alone in this.

Speak up. Be heard. Let them keep you silent no longer.

I stumbled across this video tonight, and at first I didn’t open it. 

The title was so stunning, what felt like a missile directed right at me that would sink me deeper in to the fog I was already in and I almost didn’t click it. 

But I did, and I don’t regret it. Instead, I wanna tell my story. 

It’s what I have wanted to do since I set out to become an artist. To make my story worth something. To share the characters, thematic worlds and designs I’ve created that served so long as my sanctuary from what was real. My way of expressing what I was going through and what was in my head. 

I remember, ever since a young age, for some reason I was always afraid of my father. Now, to some extent all children are. They fear getting in trouble, upsetting their father for things they did. I got that, so I thought it was normal to feel how I did. 

The nights I spent crying in terror, the days stuck in the car where he pushed me to my limits with threats for losing one point on a spelling test for talking. 

I thought it was normal. So I took it. 

Then I got older, and I started to see things different. For what they were. When he divorced our mother things stayed relatively like that. I had my suspicions, but never capitalized. 

Then our first step-mother came along. Now, she wasn’t the nicest, and it was such an unfamiliar concept to us. In a lot of cases she was much more assertive, much more controlling and somehow our father became our haven from her. 

That it was her fault for what we were feeling, and we had to rebel against her. Eventually, we drove her off. But still it continued. 

The yelling, the runarounds in conversations that left us no ground to speak for ourselves other than to say ‘yes sir’ and admit to whatever he wanted us to. 

During the time with our first step-mother he started pushing us into church. I remember the day he asked if we ‘wanted to go to church’ like we had some kind of choice.  That was when he was ABSORBED, absolutely overtaken by his ‘faith’ that I didn’t see until years later was a ploy to give him divine affirmation to do the sick things he did to us. 

The way he made his word law, and questioning it was heresy against God. To go to church time after time and even be court ordered at our mother’s home to be taken there. Where we would cry and beg not to be taken to church but she had to by juristic requirement. 

Then the real agony started in middle school. When I started to wake up to what was happening to me. 

When I started taking drastic measures just to get anyone to notice what was happening to me. 

Not bathing, showing up to school in dirty clothes, letting my grades slip, starving myself. ANYTHING to get someone to ask what was wrong. 

But instead, it reflected on our mother and not our father. It almost got my brother and I taken away so many times and I had to stop. To pull it together. 

Although, even when I tried in school, it wasn’t enough. Second grade I was testing at a college level. He’d say we were ‘destined for greatness’. 

So when life started to catch up and wear us down, when the work got harder and we had real life things to get in our way it was unacceptable when we could not succeed. 

When we had horrid acne that ruined our esteem he would berate us for how awful our faces looked and send us away so he did not have to look at us. 

Then he put us on Acutane to clear it up. Those days were some of the most physically agonizing I had to experience. 

For those who do not know what Acutane is: it is an acne medication that works to extreme measures for chronic acne. It fills the blemishes with the medicine to clean them out before it would start clearing up. 

This not only made the acne worse by making it swell to painful levels, but also would make the user break out in bulbous yellow heads and dry out the skin and lips to severe degrees. 

It was torture, but the verbal berating we got when we stopped taking the medication consistently was worse. 

One day I was stood in the garage, just so overwhelmed while we were doing yard work by the utter weight of my father. So much so, that I found myself holding a pair of hedge clippers to my neck. 

I almost did it. I almost quit. Left this world at such a young age. 

But I didn’t. And I put them back. It wasn’t the last time I thought about it, but it was the last time I tried. 

Then came high school and I chose to get baptized. I wanted to pursue my own path of faith and try to find my own place within it rather than conform to his view of it. 

At least that’s what I told myself, but in hindsight I believe I did it to please him. 

So when word got back we messed up once at our mother’s house and he went into another hours long lecture it was worse for me because I was baptized. 

That being submerged in that tank made me not allowed to make mistakes anymore, then he swatted a phone across the room. One of his many times he sent objects flying in a rage. There was a knick in the kitchen counter at our old home where we lived with our mother where he threw the island counter top at her. 

Our second step mother, who he is still with, obediently picked up the pieces as he went on. 

Then, it happened one day. The first time, I had an anxiety attack. 

I was pale, shaking and couldn’t breathe. I had to leave class, go to the counselor’s office to help me get my grip back. I had to go home that day because being outside struck a fear into me like none I had ever known. 

But when I forewent the church trip that weekend I was looking forward to, as an escape for the weekend rather than going to his house for those few days, he crossed an nonredeemable line. 

He started by parking across the lawn from our mother’s house instead of pulling in the driveway like he always did. 

When I got in the car, he was playing a Weird Al Yankovich song because ‘it always cracked him up’. 

I had the hope, just for a second, he understood. That it was gonna be okay, and he was gonna listen.

But when I said on the sidewalk outside his house that I was glad the week was over I was proven so horribly wrong. 

He said, and I quote, ‘don’t talk about what happened this week until we’re in front of a therapist otherwise I can’t guarantee your safety. Understand?’ 

Of course I said ‘yes sir’. 

‘Good man!’ 

That was his response, in such an unfitting spirited voice before he went about going to the neighbor with me to feed their dog while they were out of town. 

I snapped that day, seething in fear and anger but all I could do was sulk on the couch. 

Then he sent me upstairs because he didn’t want to see me do that. But that wasn’t enough, he came up there and DEMANDED that I pray and apologize for my actions. 

I had to APOLOGIZE for what HE DID to me. And I did, like the obedient child he molded me to be. He started praying too and touched my foot, and every time I think about it I want to break his nose. 

One day we confided with our step-mother about the many incidents she didn’t know about before her time there. 

The threats, the shows of power, even threatening our last step-mother with a gun. 

The current one told us about a time she had to pull a knife on him when he pushed her against the counter and tried to get her to break down crying. 

But she never said anything about it to the church, just like we didn’t, because she knew no one would believe it. 

Time after time, more and more incidents until finally college came. 

Summer before, we’re going on a cruise to Alaska to celebrate our graduation. 

And on that trip there was an insignia on the cards that we were given (because we registered before we were 18) that allowed us to participate in activities with attendees 12-17. 

Now I had no intention to attend these, rather they were an alibi to avoid him. 

But he said it would probably be better not to for the image it’d give. And you know, for the first time we agreed on something. At least I said I agreed and meant it for once. 

But when our step mother asked us to dance on the deck of the ship and I refused due to my raging social anxiety (guess where that came from) he instead saw it as protest for now going to those events because we wanted to touch the kids. 

That’s right. He believed, because we did not want to dance that we were pedophiles. 

Now, he is a cop. And just like his job at the church he uses it as affirmation to do the things he does. 

So he said time and time again during that lecture, nay, that interrogation that he was speaking to us as an officer and not a father. That this was his worst nightmare. 

Now if this were true, he would have sent us back to the US on a plane to be processed like he said he would. 

Instead eventually he just left the room, leaving us behind to simmer with that classic, obnoxious edgy arrogant thing you see badly written characters (or people with huge egos) do where he gave one last quip over his shoulder before leaving. 

Then, it was like it never happened. 

Now, how could it be him talking as an officer if he did not take his job serious enough to process us? 

Nah, he got his rocks off doing that. It’s how he always did, but this time was one of the most extreme and that was easily why he was in such a good mood the rest of the trip. 

Our first summer was approaching out of college, and he wanted word back from our summer job at the local pizza place about getting our job back for the break. 

Now I knew early on I wasn’t cut out for that place, and the day I was going to quit he demanded that we request 20 hours a week from them. 

Because of that, I believe was why they shined us on and didn’t tell us they were going to fire us. 

But of course, it had to be our fault and that we were not trying. 

So finally, we put our foot down. We had to gather in my work at the Conduct office with my bosses, my brother’s boss, and an Auraria Campus police officer to tape the call while we had it JUST to tell our father we needed space. 

We asked for space and said we needed to cut contact. We didn’t tell him how the night before when we ignored his calls we hid in a friend’s room two floors above ours at our dorm until our mother picked us up to hide out at her apartment. 

His response: I am cutting your phone plans and medical care. Don’t give me this bullshit (his response to when I said I didn’t want this to be permanent and that this would hopefully make things better between us) you want to go live entitled with your mother. I will let you be homeless in a box before I enable you (one of his favorite lines). 

I’ll see you when you crash and burn. 

It’s been two and a half years, those were the last verbal words he said to me. 

Last year, I started antidepressants in part of my desire to pursue art. To get better. But they didn’t work, none of them did. So I finally saw a psychiatrist by the behest of my physician. 

He, along with the other I went to for a second opinion, both asked me extensive questions and told me a diagnosis I never thought I would hear. 

‘You have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder’. 

PTSD. 

I had PTSD. 

What was I going to do with that information? 

How could, even after all that time and thought about how bad it was, did I not believe he really did that much damage to me? 

It made me realize just how in my head he was. 

Then my brother went back to him. Tried to patch things up, and it actually looked like things were going well. 

He made it clear he would not be putting up with his crap any longer. That things were to be different. 

He told him about my diagnosis, and about a suicide attempt my brother had made the semester before in result of what happened. 

Never an apology. Never. 

Instead he said ‘no matter how much you hurt us, we will always still love you’. 

He had ALL  the facts and instead still twisted it to make us the perpetrators. 

That was it. That was enough. 

But still I suffered, battling this mental disorder and the ghosts of my past. 

Then I saw this video, and just like with the medication I felt free to speak publicly. 

I started medication because an artist by the handle RinTheYordle started talking in her stream once about doing what it takes to get better at your craft. Studying, school, tutorials, medication. 

I felt like that was the green light to start what I had always been told was fake, that I was faking and didn’t need it. I was told yes from someone who I held at a higher opinion than the one who said no. 

Just like with this video, I saw it good to finally speak publicly. That it could change a life. Even just one. Even just mine. 

[sleepymarmot]

A couple of months ago, after finishing COUNTER/Weight, I spent about a week in a total hangover, relistening to scenes and having feelings. I took some notes, but procrastinated posting them, and then finally got distracted. But, a) I hate leaving things I intended for tumblr unposted, even if they have value only for me, and b) I also hate posting things out of order, and there's a big TM liveblog incoming. So, here's a bunch of really random thoughts about C/w from past me.

The gnosis virus did go nowhere huh. I was hopeful for a minute when one of the finale intros mentioned it, but that was it. What was the purpose of that arc even. [Note from present me: Lol. At least I feel better about this one!]

Oh, and the patch AuDy left never reappeared either. And the idea from the faction game that Aria's images owned by EarthHome/Petrichor transmit Rigour code… That's the flip side of the coin. On the one hand, it's really cool to see the creative process – on the other, it sometimes feels like you're listening to people write a script for the tv show, but only get to see a half of the finished product. It's fascinating to see the universe grow organically and the players to come up with new ideas and get excited about them – but that means numerous retcons, some of them not even presented as such, because the creators forgot what the previous revision was or didn't thought it was important. It's a unique feature of the medium that player choice directs the narrative and it's not bound by railroading – but that means some roads lead nowhere, and some branches dry and fall off.

It's a bit harder to make peace with something that could have easily been developed more within the existing plot of the show. How come there's a player character whose consciousness consists of three different people in various combinations, but nobody seems to be curious how that works? No PC or NPC ever asked “Which one of you is speaking right now?” or something. The final episodes made a lot of things clearer, but it still felt too little, too late. Hard not to be reminded of that gripe about certain two characters sharing one character sheet one of whom was left underdeveloped and half-forgotten… Both are very ambitious concepts that require a double amount of work from the player, so I feel bad complaining they weren't realized to full potential, but…

Speaking of L&D… I still want to know how the hell did that one engineer all by herself design 4 gods, one of which became a basis for technology that was advanced even for the civilizations 80,000 years later? This woman singlehandedly surpassed any technological achievement of humanity before and after. Who Is She

I saw a “Wake me up: before you go go / when september ends / wake me up inside” meme and thought “heh, this sounds relevant, which member of the Chime is which?” and it already made me sad, but then I realized that I'd never actually heard the september song and looked it up and. The lyrics fit so well. What the fuck. It's an old song everyone keeps joking about. Why is it appropriate for a legitimate fanmix. What. I guess the word “September” will never be the same again for me.

I looked up the rules for Firebrands, the game used for the finale. Oh my, challenges for the dance minigame are so overtly romantic when you see them in a list together! Imagine this cast of characters having to answer to “do you place your hand upon my elbow, shoulder, waist, or hip?” lmao. Also I didn't realize “May I?” was part of the rules for “stealing time together”. (And I found out there's a party version of that minigame with bug-themed challenges. I might have dug too deep…) "Tactical skirmish" is a really fascinating concept, I've never seen such a masochistic combat system! Really faces the player with the violence they're inflicting: sure, you can always fight on, but are you ready to live with what you'll have to do? But for it to work fully, you need a lot of non-expendable NPCs on both sides. The one with the most likeable team wins! (Like Mako did.)

I'm relistening to Three Conversations and it's pretty interesting that Ibex has a bunch perfectly lifelike android bodies, right? There is no such technology seen anywhere else. Did Righteousness develop and privatize that? Are they so complex that only a Divine would have enough computing power to successfully mimic organic life? Can Aria convince Righteousness to help her perform on stage without leaving her duties? Also, like with AuDy, I wonder how Ibex & Righteousness' consciousness works. Is it a single mind, spread across every body he has, or even anything Righteousness is running on, having a bunch of different conversations at once if he needs to? Or is the original Ibex just gone, and what's left is a personality imprint hanging on to the connection to his still living body, imitating his former self like the automated recording Cass saw wore his face? In other words, has Ibex completely fused with Righteousness, or assimilated and destroyed by it? Does he not exist anymore as an independent singular being, or does he not exist at all? Most info indicates the former, but there was also “You’re not in there anymore” “No”.

If Orth and Jace are anime fans with their Kingdom Come and Panther, then Ibex is the guy who's way too into dinosaurs or paleontology. It's as if the heads of various confessions were called Triceratops, Stegosaurus etc. and only one of them knows wtf that means, and also he compares his Divine to… Were there scavenging dinosaurs? I'm looking at an article that suggests T. Rex might have been a scavenger, so yeah he would compare Righteousness to a goddamn T. Rex.

Hey what do you think is the most thematically aproppriate part of the Hieron anime for Orth to watch alone at night during the Kingdom game. What's the best thematic parallel for when he turns off the episode and thinks he made a mistake. Do you think that he once, after a long day and a long month and maybe a long year of feeling helpless and doomed, sits down for a distraction but ends up sobbing “How could they let this happen to Mother Glory”

On Joypark, there are definitely statues of Eidolons, ancient and holy, that were repainted and repurposed as Hieron deities. Imagine a giant Greek or Roman style marble statue of Apote – and it’s painted over as Samot, with an anime face and in really bright plain colors like these “reconstructions of original coloring” that actually only use base colors so they look like cheap action figures.

I was reading Austin's top ten games of 2016 list on Waypoint and he gave first place to The Sprawl! Aww!

The Downloads folder in my phone gallery is funny bc it mostly consists of every freely available f@tt map and also that one photo of Tristan Walker (because I tried to redraw it, very unsuccessfully). I go check a map and every time am met by Ibex just. staring at me. It's unsettling

Some of the many options for how Apostolosian gender could have been presented:

Apostolosians prefer to be addressed by the most neutral available human pronoun, represented as "they" in English, because the human languages don't have anything close enough

Apostolosian pronouns are represented in English by a set of real-life common pronouns and neopronouns

There's a list of Apostolosian pronouns and they're just used in English verbatim (Really impractical because the players need a cheat sheet, but the most fair)

Humans apply human genders to Apostolosians. Apostolosians may be offended, may find it convenient, or something else

As Austin said in the post-mortem, the Eidolon system is not gender. It's represented in English by titles/honorifics/etc

Any of the above, and the creators are aware of the difference between personal pronouns, grammatical gender, and social gender

And that’s not even touching the core problem of what the concept of gender in a futuristic, techonologically advanced society would look like. Yes, I'm complaining about this for the third time but I'm just. So tired of native English speakers' takes on gendered language. They could have made Apostolosian gender look like anything and they made it look like that fucking mess... God, I really hope TM is good enough to make me forget and forgive the experience of listening to “he... sorry, they” for 100 hours. [Note from present me: Well… mostly]

Here’s my take on this: eidolons in Apostolosian language are absurdly broad noun classes with associated classifiers (which fits both the idea that they’re gender but not actually, and that each of them is a patron to several unrelated aspects of life) Apostolosian: the word “(Apo)thesa” is used to refer to people who follow the corresponding eidolon, as well as for counting buildings, heavy machinery, military units, specific strategies and tactics, log entries, historical documents and chronicles, history textbooks and monographs, and eras :) Human: what the fuck

Very critical, imaginative worldbuilding in which 80,000+ years into the future humanity somehow has 21st century gender and 21st century capitalism! TBH, I find any sci-fi set in the far future inherently silly – we can’t really imagine the future technogy and its effect on society. But it feels like C/w barely even tried, and to hear it boast about “critical worldbuilding” is kinda strange. I assumed that meant they build the world critically, not that they recreate modern society or some aspect of it and criticize that! It’s just another Star Trek then! And it was already clear right during the setup when they said “We don’t want Star Trek aliens” and immediately created Apostolosians.

I haven't seen a single piece of fanart with Taako and Mako. Come on, does nobody want to see these two next to each other! Especially considering the outfits artists like to put Taako in!

I really don't understand how and why people do fandom activities on Twitter and Discord where the creators also have accounts. It gives me so much secondhand embarrassment. I can barely peek at Twitter posts before running away. Old-fashioned opinion apparently but I strongly believe the main fandom space and the interaction-with-original-creators space should be separate. I need a space where I can voice my opinions, especially negative ones, with complete freedom. I need to be able to say exactly what's on my mind. But I wouldn't want any of the people on the podcast to read something unfiltered like my complaints above. Being in the same space as the source content creators obliges any decent person to be diplomatic and constructive. And the creators, in turn, need a space where they don't come across complete randos yelling at them about something they said in a podcast three years ago. I'm already feeling uncomfortable because hearing to strangers pour their hearts out for hundreds of hours gives me way too much insight on who they are as people. Of course, nothing’s stopping them from lurking on Tumblr or AO3 and even reading this very post, but a platform where they have official accounts is still a different thing! I even feel uncomfortable talking about the podcast creators using their first names so much. To my ear, referring to a total stranger by first name, especially if it's a shortened form, sounds so rude! I'm not their friend, I don't have that right! But, of course, writing something like “Mr Walker” in my liveblogs would have been even weirder, nobody does that...

Is it a common experience to not even think about fanfiction after listening to Hieron, but going straight to AO3 after C/w? I feel like since Hieron is still a work in progress, writing/reading about it is stepping on the GM&players' toes, and C/w is finished so it's like they gave us the keys to the playground, it's the fandom's turn now. This story has so much blanks and they must be filled! In one of the early episodes they joked that something cute they said would encourage people to ship Mako/Cass and I was like "Bold of you to assume they aren't already" and, indeed, I was right and it's the most popular C/w ship on AO3. Too bad I’m so indifferent to it…

It’s a shame we never had a full scene with Ariadne or even learned what they were up to during the finale.

I still don't understand how Ibex went from “evil CEO” to “leader of a proletarian revolution”, these sound like completely opposite concepts to me

I probably have talked about this too much and have pretty much given up on ever getting a clear picture due to all of these reimaginings but… Righteousness and Voice… Ibex takes Righteousness out of Mako but he still has Voice, that was pretty much openly stated, correct? So how does that work? I’m guessing Righteousness is hidden somewhere in Voice’s code. But if so:

Did Maryland know? On the one hand, she’s too competent not to. On the other, why would she ever allow or accept that?

How did Righteousness not get corrupted by Rigour too? Maybe it did, but broke off the connection with the rest of itself to contain the damage? Or maybe, on the contrary, it kept in contact and was sending intel to Ibex the whole time? But in that case he would have provided more help in the finale.

[sinceileftyoublog]

Boulevards Interview: Funky Gut Punches

Photo by Jordan Rickard

BY JORDAN MAINZER

“I wish I could Men In Black erase my shit so I could listen to it with fresh ears,” Jamil Rashad tells me over the phone from Raleigh, North Carolina. The garage funk artist who records as Boulevards is about to release Brother!, a four-track EP (with an accompanying 2-track single) via Normaltown Records, an imprint of New West. But the restless singer-songwriter’s coming back from recording even newer music, for a potential LP, and has to get in the mindset that in a couple weeks, he’s dropping something he recorded a while back, especially because it’s his most assured (recorded) music to date, all the while exploring new aesthetic and thematic territory.

Rashad finished writing the songs on Brother! early on during the pandemic and messaged various artists he admired to see whether they’d produce the record. Blake Rhein, of Durand Jones & The Indications, bit. Rashad had long admired them. “Durand Jones & The Indications was one of the first soul revival groups in the game,” he said. “They kind of paved the way for Black Pumas and the other cats on Colemine [Records].” It turned out to be the perfect fit for what Rashad was trying to do. “I wanted to do some soul shit but still stay focused to the garage-funk element of Boulevards,” he said, something immediately apparent from the warbling psychedelia of the guitars and strut of the drums from the opening and title track. “I’ve always been chasing my predecessors,” he continued, referring to not only the contemporaries that paved the way for him but classics he grew up listening to with his father, a radio DJ: George Clinton & Parliament-Funkadelic, Curtis Mayfield, and Rick James. Rashad’s always been an avid indie rock and punk listener too, citing The Strokes’ Is This It and early Black Keys albums as just as formative.

You can hear Boulevards’ journey to this genre-averse point from listening to his discography. He released his debut LP on Brooklyn post-punk label Captured Tracks, bouncing around different labels and different styles (earlier this year, he released a collaborative track with “Bulletproof” synth popper La Roux) before finding a home on Normaltown. “I had to make those records in the past to make it to this point,” he said, citing New West’s increasing levels of genre diversity, from Caroline Rose’s pop-rock jamfest LONER to their recent Pylon box set, as a reason why he kept asking them to release his EP. When they said yes, he felt like they got it. “If you’re friends with [Normaltown co-founder] George [Fontaine, Jr.] on Facebook or Instagram, you’ll see how eclectic his tastes are. If anybody could get what I was trying to do, George gets it. It’s not like the Thundercats, the Leon Bridges, the Gary Clark Jr.s of the world,” he said. “This is Carolina soul shit.” As a bonus, Rashad was already friends with a couple New West signees: singer-songwriter Jaime Wyatt and American Aquarium’s BJ Barham, the latter of whom helped Rashad get sober from alcohol.

It’s certainly not lost on Rashad that, in his music community, he’s a Black singer-songwriter surrounded by many white ones, many of whom are his friends but don’t have to face the differences inherent in being Black in America. Some of these differences, he sings about, like on “Shook”, a song about being afraid of the police in Raleigh. But it’s the disparities in the music world that he hopes to directly reduce with Brother! “You have indie rock and the soul revival stuff and the psychedelic stuff, but you don’t have the straight garage funk records unless you see an old record on a Spotify playlist,” he laments, citing the dearth of existence and/or influence of old school, “Black small rare funk bands” as a reason for wanting to bring funk to the forefront. In a post-George Floyd protest world of white American racial reckoning, influencing everything from opinions on law enforcement to music listening habits, Rashad wants to tell his story, share his thoughts on the world, and dance while doing it.

Read the rest of my interview with Rashad below, and check out his live stream from the Cat’s Cradle in Carrboro via NPR tomorrow night at 7 PM CST.

Since I Left You: It’s hard to point to a short EP as a turning point for many artists like this is for you. Why did you want to do just these four songs as opposed to a bigger project?

Jamil Rashad: I mean, I wanted to do a bigger project. That’s why we’re writing an LP right now. But for me, the writing never stops. I’m always writing. At first, I wasn’t even gonna do an EP here. I was gonna do singles and see how my fan base reacted. I wasn’t even gonna have a label. Every record, I always feel like it’s gonna be a turning point. You never know. I was thinking about this the other day. It’s almost like I’m starting fresh. These are songs I’ve been wanting to write--it’s just taken me time as an artist to get to this point to be able to zone in on the sound that I wanted. A 4-song EP is a little bit of the past and what’s to come with Boulevards, which I’m really stoked about.

SILY: You can tell that immediately from the title track, the first track on the EP. It’s got that psychedelic, garage element to the guitars, but it’s also really funky.

JR: I was tested a lot on this record, learning how the voice interacts with the microphone. Blake was pushing me to do it, which no producer has never done before. It’s turned out really dope. The goal was always to be the face of garage funk. Back in the day, my parents and your parents had the George Clinton records, Isaac Hayes, [Curtis Mayfield], they had all these different artists that were bringing the wave of funk. James Brown. You don’t really have that now. You have soul acts, R&B acts, indie rock acts, country acts, Americana acts, but you don’t have anyone that [brings] the funk shit. That’s what Boulevards is all about.

SILY: More than ever for you, these songs are political. Did you want the EP to be both a thematic and aesthetic turning point, or was that just a coincidence?

JR: It was both. Being 36 at this age, and looking at what’s going on in America, there are things you can’t ignore. I’m not a political expert, but maybe I should post what I’m feeling, what I’m seeing from white friends and Black friends and what’s going on with my community, and put it into these songs. I don’t think if a lot of this stuff didn’t happen with George Floyd, the pandemic, small businesses struggling, and people struggling, I would have been able to write these songs. I’m still gonna stay true to love and heartbreak, and self-growth, and trying to overcome obstacles and things of that nature. Those things I’m always gonna write about. But what was going on in the world definitely inspired and influenced those lines and crafting those songs. I’m not one to preach--you have a lot of these artists who have political records and preach. I wanted to make something about what I’ve experienced that people can still vibe and groove too.

SILY: Only “Shook” seems to be outwardly political. The rest of the songs are about Black life, but they’re really about your Black life.

JR: Of course. Me being a Black man and my struggles and things I’ve been through and seen other people go through. “Shook” is a song about being afraid of police. Being a Black man, every time I leave my house, I have to calculate every move that I make. It’s not like that for a lot of my white friends. That’s fine--that’s what America is. Well, actually, it’s not fine, it’s where America’s at. If I see Raleigh PD and am walking in a predominantly white neighborhood, are they gonna stop me? I live in this neighborhood I worked my ass off to be in. Are they gonna stop me because I don’t look the part and look like I’m up to something? So that’s what inspired “Shook”. Elijah McClain, just doing his thing, cops killing the brother. I didn’t want to do it in an overly preachy way, but at the same time, as America, we have to have uncomfortable conversations with each other. White on white America needs to show awareness with each other for things to actually change. 

“Brother!” is mostly about working. Working your ass off for somebody and nothing changes. [laughs] You’re putting in the hours and the time, you’re making money for somebody else who doesn’t give a shit about you. You’re trying to get the promotions, you’re putting on a face. I worked at Best Buy, you can imagine being a touring artist and then having to put on a blue shirt and dealing with customers over some TV or kitchen appliance shit. I’m obviously doing my job, but I’m not gonna get a promotion there or get an advancement there. It’s about being a Black man in the work force and making somebody else money. At the time, I wasn’t sober, too, so the bar was my only release. It was the only way I could cope with that. [At the same time,] being in the Black community and being in Raleigh, and seeing my father interact with other Black men and even white men, saying, “Brother so and so” [inspired the song.] That’s how we greet each other sometimes. It’s also talking to myself talking to a man out there.

SILY: Whether these songs are about your personal experiences growing up or problems you’re facing now, as serious as they are, you can dance to them.

JR: Curtis Mayfield was good for that. Funkadelic, even Marvin Gaye. That’s what I wanted to be able to accomplish. Funk hits people in the gut. You can still politically come from a serious perspective. 

SILY: Tell me about the video for “Luv n Pain”.

JR: It’s a simple, fun video. [Director] Patrick [Lincoln] pitched the idea. He wanted to have a day of Boulevards alone in his home, reflecting on being alone, reflecting on the things that have caused me personal heartbreak, without a partner. Getting ready in the morning, drinking coffee, wanting to share it with somebody but not having anybody to share it with.

Every video I’ve done up till this point, I’m always dancing. He wanted to slow things down, but still have it be Boulevards, stay true to me, have me dance in certain scenes but also have me reflecting, looking at the fire, up at the ceiling, things we do in our own homes. We [also] wanted to make something visually appealing and fun with bright colors. We didn’t really try to overthink it. Something simple that reflected Boulevards. When I’m at home, I’m always dancing.

SILY: You reference Gil Scott-Heron on “Shook” (“The revolution is now being televised.”) When was the first time you were aware of him?

JR: When I was a kid. My dad used to pick me and my sister up from track practice, and he worked at the radio station and was always getting these records. Gil Scott-Heron, “The Revolution Will Not Be Televised”, “Whitey on the Moon”, all these songs. He’s a poet. I started out as a poet before I became a rapper, MC, or funk artist. Every time I do spoken word on a record, it’s never written. The verses and hooks are, but here, I said to the engineer, play these couple bars and just let me talk. It just came out. It also came from watching peoples’ stories and thinking, “The revolution is being televised now.” We’re seeing the anger, the pain, people expressing their frustration with the system of racial inequality in America. Not just Black people, but white people and Latino too. [Before,] they didn’t want people to see what was going on in America. Now, people are seeing it and are looking and are more aware of it now.

SILY: What’s the story behind the album art?

JR: Sly Stone and Funkadelic, predecessors I grew up loving. That was influenced by a Sly Stone record. 60′s/70′s swag. I worked with a photographer in Raleigh named Jordan [Rickard]. I wanted to do something simple. I did it in my crib at my front porch. When I’m working on a record, I always have these vision boards. I always think about the colors, being a Black man, what’s gonna look good. I reached out to a stylist in L.A. who’s a good friend. I’ve always wanted to do a burnt orange background, and the sky blue represents Carolina blue because I’m a big Tar Heels fan. That color coordination blue and orange looks good together. 

SILY: Why are you also putting out a two-track single in addition to the 4-track EP?

JR: That was more the label, how we wanted to go about the campaign. Initially, “Luv n Pain” was the first single I wanted to release regardless. “Shook” would be too predictable. There were so many artists releasing protest songs. “Luv n Pain” is more the past and present of Boulevards. When we finished it in the studio, [I knew.]

[umusicians]

UM Interview: Mother Mother

Canadian Indie Rock band Mother Mother have made their imprint in the Canadian music industry. With over a decade in the music industry, the band have carved their own unique niche in the industry, leaving with them a sense of indivdiduality and awe. Last month, the band recently released their latest record ‘No Culture’. Of ‘No Culture’ Singer Ryan Guldemond commented "No Culture is about something that a lot of us wrestle with in isolation - identity". Amandah Opoku sat down with Ryan to go into more depth about ‘No Culture’, upcoming tour dates and more! Check out the interview below!

Amandah Opoku: Hello Mother Mother, thank you for sitting down with us! Before we kick off this interview, what is your favourite song on radio? Ryan Guldemond: Currently I’ve been really enjoying “Hands To Myself” by Selena Gomez.  I love the super dry, loud whisper vocal performance, and the production itself is very crisp and spacious.  I can turn it up loud without things becoming brash. I do appreciate when radio tracks achieve size in sparsity. Oh yeah, and the guitar part is killer - very sweet and melancholic, which is my favourite emotional convergence in music. AO: Of the songs that have been released within the last year, what are your favourite lyrics you’ve heard that you wish you had written? RG: There’s this line in a Zola’s song called Swooner that’s pretty clever: “That incandescent girl of Incan descent”. Maybe too clever, but it made me smile, and ponder.  I like punchlines that are at once both humorous and thought provoking, driven by word play.  

AO: You recently released your album ‘No Culture’ what was the inspiration behind the albums creation? RG: I was inspired by a personal transition I was making at the time from debauchery to clean living. In doing so I uncovered how deeply I identified with the former accompanying persona, so themes of identity and authenticity are strong in No Culture, often centering around loss, grief and nostalgia. The title itself was born from this experience: the shedding of culture, or societal affectation as a means to become a truer version of yourself.   AO: How did the studio and writing process for ‘No Culture’ differ from your last album ‘Very Good Bad Thing’? RG: There was more emphasis on the songwriting. I spent a lot of time with our producers down in LA writing, and fine tuning the architecture of each song before we even began recording. It was important that every motif, beat, lyric, texture was “perfect” in that they supported the core identity of each song, and the album as a whole. Nothing was for the sake of itself. Once the songs were ready, the recording was quick and clear. That was a new methodology for us, coming into the studio with an almost paint by numbers approach. Everything was laid out, we just had to connect the dots. AO: Writing and working on this record, did you ever encounter a period or moment of uncertainty? How did you overcome this? RG: The writing process was riddled with uncertainty. The confidence I lost by changing my lifestyle spilled into the creative process, and I began to judge my output severely, effectively creating a condition of good old fashion writer’s block.  But I just worked through it. Kept churning out ideas until the kernels of gold started to appear. Bad ideas, or mediocrity is crucial in the mining of the good stuff. They clear a path for unfiltered, raw creativity to travel through. That was a big lesson in all of this: discovering, or reaffirming that the cure for stagnancy is simply the act of doing. It could be anything. Beat your head against a wall until it takes on a pleasing rhythm. Then start singing over top of it. Before you know it, you’ll have an album’s worth of material. If it’s a shitty album, don’t record it. Just keep beating your head against that wall and gradually things will improve. AO: Of ‘No Culture’ what are you most proud of? RG: I think of how honest it is, and how uncomfortable it was and still is to be that honest, and how that signifies change and evolution. I can easily look back at old writing and think, I miss that devilish irony and sardonic bent. But to do that again would be disingenuous, and easier. So I guest I’m proud that I took the harder path in creating a new body of work, speaking from a new voice, even though I wasn't entirely used to its timbre. AO: Of the sounds on your latest album ‘No Culture’ were there any particular musicians or artists that influenced the sounds/direction of the album? RG: I don’t know about specific musicians, but we were definitely inspired by certain production aesthetics, like the simple and visceral quality of hip hop beats and the lush and dreamy synth-scapes of the 80s. AO: What was the biggest challenge you encountered working on ‘No Culture’? RG: Digging up the themes and finding its sentimental identity. I really didn’t want to write 10 songs about various things that were unrelated to each other. It was crucial that this body of work meant something, had a purpose, and acted as a whole. Considering the shaky place from where I started, this was a challenging and daunting prospect. But somehow it found its shape and its voice. And there really wasn’t an A-ha! moment or grand epiphany. It happened over time, of its own volition. AO: In essence, what does ‘No Culture’ represent to you? Is it a statement? Almost, an act of rebellion? RG: To me No Culture represents peace in aloneness. Finding the acceptance of yourself without imposed identity. So yes, it’s a statement. We are suggesting that this a good practice, and by doing so we are criticizing the way so many of us cling to our identification tags, be them cultural, societal, professional, religious etc, in order to feel validated, superior, and as though we belong. Culture of course can be a beautiful thing, adding texture to the human condition, but when it becomes the source of divisiveness, war and oppression, then we lose the very thing which it aims to celebrate, and the one thing we all have in common, humanity. AO: Why should somebody stream or pick up ‘No Culture’ off the CD shelf? RG: That’s an interesting question. It begs a solicitous response, which is hard for me. Someone from the label would give a much better answer, but I should try my best here. I’m not sure I think anyone “should” do anything with our record, but I suppose if someone was looking for a type of music with an emphasis on melody, vocal harmony, lyrical depth and big production, than No Culture would be a good contender. I feel like this album is visceral first, then cerebral. You can listen to it and react physically and emotionally without dissection. But should one crave a more intellectual experience, that is also available within the lyricism and thematics. Someone recently described the album as a trojan horse to a deeper experience. I liked that. AO: In this digital age of streaming where music fans can now consume immediately thanks to apps such as Spotify, Pandora and Tidal to name a few. What are your thoughts on streaming? Do you think they’ve been a positive or negative effect to the music industry? RG: I guess both, but to be honest I start to snooze when this topic comes up at the dinner table. For whatever reason I can’t seem to care about how the music industry evolves or devolves. But I guess streaming is something that’s still somewhat anarchic, cuz people aren’t getting paid and whatnot, but I assume that will work itself out. They’ll figure out how to monetize this digital shitstorm of free entertainment and I can see that being a very good thing. Not necessarily for the industry, in a capitalistic sense, but for humanity, and the balance of things. I don’t think anyone should be walking around with squillions of dollars. Not for doing anything, but especially not for making music. I think celebrity and rich-people culture is kind of unhealthy for the human collective consciousness, so anything to topple those pedestals I believe to be a good thing in the grand scheme of it all. AO: You’ve been a band for well over a decade, what’s one thing you learned as a band that you wish you had known when you first began? RG: I wish we were better at branding in the start. Understanding what the Mother Mother experience was, and reinforcing that in every aspect of the band, be it music, art, wardrobe, sentiment, philosophy. I think we could still get better at that, but in thinking about it now, it’s not really something someone tells you and bam, you’re good at it. It takes time for identity and cohesion within a group to form. I’d also tell myself to write more. Just fucking write, write, write little buddy. Don’t divide life from art. Meld the two, and write songs about it. But this the same thing I’m telling myself today, and will be telling myself in 50 years. AO: Going back to your bands roots, when it comes to finding a name for a creative or collection it’s often a process. Mother Mother may have not been the name you arrived to initially and maybe it’s meaning to you has changed over the years. Today in 2017, what does the band name mean to you? RG: Well we were originally just Mother, and I called us that because this guy at college wouldn’t shut up about how great of a band name that would hypothetically be. His fervour became mine I guess. So it didn’t really mean anything in the beginning. Then we had to change our name because there were other bands called Mother. So we un-inventively called ourselves Mother Mother. So that didn't really mean anything either. What does it mean today? I really couldn’t tell ya. I guess it’s just the name of our band. AO: Besides music, what are your hobbies? RG: I like cooking and taking photos, Jasmin loves yoga, Molly likes crafting, Ali is a big soccer buff and Mike, the new guy… hmm.  Tattoos? Could that be a hobby? He’s got a body suit, so he’s running out of room. Gonna have to find a new hobby. AO: In support of ‘No Culture’ you are currently on your Canadian tour followed by some recently announced dates with KONGOS, what can fans expect from you on the tour? RG: Tons of energy, a very tight set which draws upon our entire catalogue, a couple of very masculine covers sung by the girls, inane and existential stage banter, a drum solo. We definitely take pride in making a proper show of it. I feel like there’s an art to crafting the perfect set, with a contour not unlike that of a story book. You can expect to be taken for a ride when you see us live. AO: Thank you for sitting down with us Mother Mother! Before we end this interview, is there anything you’d like to say to your fans, your supporters? RG: Thanks for employing us!

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