#also why is the pope French

[mitochondriaandbunnies]

I love Marcus strolling in with his elote like he owns the place as Old Cameron Frye eyes Tomas like "your new boyfriend is suspicious as fuck"

[transthadymacdermot]

WIP intro: Brave Boys of Renown

Genre: horror, political fiction, kind of histfic but idk if you would really classify it as that lmao

Setting: Belfast, Northern Ireland, 1974

Warnings: this is, at its core, an extremely dark and pessimistic story about paramilitaries cannibalising people. if this puts you off in any way block the tag. it is also about child abuse, classism, colonialism, and the top ten most unsanitary commercial kitchens + none of the characters are in any way good or even mostly tolerable people. once again this is mostly just a personal catharsis story for me so I will be writing whatever I want and if it isn't for you then settings > account > filtered tags > "wip: bbor"

Synopsis

Lazarus McClure's day is already going pretty badly, but even after everything that's already happened accidentally hitting and killing someone with his car represents a serious escalation. Faced with the prospect of years spent in prison for what looks like yet another contribution to Northern Ireland's already years-long civil war, he makes what is of course the only logical decision available to him: forcing the only witness, a bystander by the name of Brendan Breen, into the car with him, and driving him and the body back to the chip shop which represents Lazarus' livelihood -- a place where, shall we say, no one will notice another body. But Lazarus has no idea how to dispose of it in a way that definitely won't trace back to him. He even considers turning himself in. And then Brendan, who works part-time as a butcher, cleverly noticing that they are currently in a room full of meat mincers and fryers, offers, in exchange for his freedom, to provide a solution...

Inspired in many ways by my own family history (NOT INCLUDING THE EATING PEOPLE. LET ME CLEAR THAT UP NOW) and an inability to stop thinking about politics ever. I will say rn that the cannibalism present in the story is used almost wholly as a horror aspect and is. how do I say this. basically if you're looking for cannibalism-as-desire this piece will disappoint you. however, if you're looking for cannibalism as a metaphor for colonialism, capitalism, the British aristocracy, power imbalance within relationships, and [insane person voice] the underrepresentation of any non-England place within the UK parliament, this will likely appeal to you slightly more <3

[mcmansionhell]

pre-recession, post-taste

Hello, everyone. I hope this blog can bring some well-needed laughs in really trying times. That's why I've gone back into the archives of that precipitous year 2007, a year where the McMansion was sleepwalking into being a symbol of the financial calamity to follow. We return to the Chicago suburbs once more because they remain the highest concentration of houses in their original conditions. Thanks to our flipping predilection, these houses become rarer and rarer and I have to admit even I have developed a fondness for them as a result.

Our present house is ostensibly "French Provincial" in style, which is McMansion for "Chateaux designed by Carmela Soprano". It boasts 7 bedrooms, 8.5 bathrooms, and comes in at a completely reasonable 15,000 square feet. It can be yours for an equally reasonable $1.5 million.

Every 2007 McMansion needed two things: a plethora of sitting rooms and those dark wood floors. This house actually has around five or six sitting rooms (depending if you count the tiled sunroom) but for brevity's sake, I'll only provide two of them.

With regards to the second sitting room, I'm really not one to talk statuary here because beside me there is a bust of Dante where the sculptor made him look simultaneously sickly and lowkey hot.

Technically, if we are devising a dichotomy between sitting and not sitting (yes, I know about the song), the dining room also counts as a sitting room. The more chairs in your McMansion dining room, the more people allegedly like you enough to travel 2.5 hours in traffic to see you twice a year.

Here's the thing about nostalgia: the world as we knew it then is never coming back. In some ways this is sad (kitchens are entirely white now and marble countertops will look terrible in about 3 years) but in other ways this is very good (guys in manhattan have switched to private equity instead of betting the farm on credit default swaps made from junk mortgages proffered to America's most vulnerable and exploited populations.) Progress!

Okay I really don't understand the 50 bed pillows thing. Every night my parents tossed their gazillion decorative pillows on the floor just to put them back on the bed the next morning. Like, for WHAT? Who was going in there? The Pope?

Here's a fun one for your liminal spaces moodboards. (Speaking for myself.)

Yes, I know about skibidi toilet. And sticking out your gyatt for the rizzler. I wish I didn't. I wish I couldn't read. Literacy is like a mirror in which I only see the aging contours of my face.

When your kids move out every room becomes a guest room.

Anyway, let's see what the rear of this house has to offer.

The migratory birds will not forgive them for their crimes. But also seriously, not even a garden?

Anyway, that does it for this round of McMansion Hell. Happy Halloween!

If you like this post and want more like it, support McMansion Hell on Patreon for as little as $1/month for access to great bonus content including a discord server, extra posts, and livestreams.

Not into recurring payments? Try the tip jar! Student loans just started back up!

[transrevolutions]

french revolution dashboard simulator

🐀 ami-du-peuple Follow

uh actually man has the right to deal with his oppressors by devouring their beating hearts. hope this helps.

🎩 departicle Follow

Hold up. Okay. Actually, fuck this. This sort of violent rhetoric should not be tolerated on here. Do you seriously think this sort of thing is going to make the nobility give you more rights???? You must be out of your minds! Reported.

🧵 seamstressproud Follow

reblog to devour this guy's beating heart

#username checks out lmao #politics #everybody point and laugh #common adp w

6,178 notes

organt-deactivated06151792

update: new canto out now!!! go check it out 😈😏🥀 (remember don't like don't read <3)

📜 sacredhostreceipts Follow

@centuriesandskies this you?? not such a great look for a convention rep ngl

🌄 centuriesandskies Follow

listen. I wrote this a long time ago, before I went into serious politics. the account is deactivated for a reason.

I was twenty. I did poorly. I can do better.

#sj.txt #if this is the worst dirt you can dig up on me #i'm way less corrupt than half the people in the convention these days #at least i'm not doing fucking. embezzlement. #also sacredhostreceipts if you're who i think you are #don't you have better things to do rn?

231 notes

🌎 landscape-showdown Follow

🌎 landscape-showdown Follow

why the fuck is everyone tagging this with french??? political figures?

#what the hell is going on over there #also maybe cool it with the death threats #I don't want this blog to get taken down #what's a girondin #is this some joke I'm not french enough to understand #showdown update

5,012 notes

⛪ progressivepriest Follow

Unpopular opinion but why is everyone so up in arms about the new Civil Oath? Literally all it's asking is for you to promise not to commit treason just because the Pope tells you to? I can see where people are coming from with the whole violation-of-religion deal, but can you blame the Assembly for trying to make sure the people aren't forcibly subjugated by the wealth of the nobility?

faith-first-alwaysdeactivated03011791

Sounds like something a heretic would say. To betray the Pope and king is to betray the will of God and your eternal soul! You should pray for forgiveness and pledge loyalty to the monarchy or have fun burning in hell. Sorry not sorry.

⛪ progressivepriest Follow

L + ratio + iirc the Bible says "it is easier for a rope to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven" (Matthew 19:24)

🎻 lacarmagn01e Follow

occasional based catholic moment, go off OP!

🌊 sea-of-revolution Follow

looked the faith-first-always guy's blog, he's like a massive anti-huguenot too 🙄 why is it always the prot-exclusive radical catholics smh

🌊 sea-of-revolution Follow

LMAOOOOO HE DEACTIVATED

#religion tag #percs fuck off #anyways op makes a valid point #reblog #percs dni

3,719 notes

🛌 virtuous-bedtime Follow

she committee on my safety til I can't go public

🍊 springtimeofgovernment Follow

I don't understand the joke, can someone explain please?? 🙂 Thank you!

🧵 seamstressproud Follow

is that fucking MAXIMILIEN ROBESPIERRE?!!?!?!?

🛌 virtuous-bedtime Follow

oh my god citizen robespierre I'm so sorry this was not meant to break containment lol I didn't even know you were on this site please forget you saw this

#this is the most embarassing moment of my life #literally sobbing rn #the original post is /j i prommy #i cannot be known as the citizen who had to explain this to the government

19,853 notes

🪓 indulgentsfuckoff Follow

fabre d'eglantine is NOT your poor little meow meow citizens he literally falsified decrees from the national convention and embezzled money to line his own pockets. I don't care how uwu babygirl you think he is he is a CRIMINAL who should be ARRESTED

💛 i-give-people-bread Follow

🥖🍞🥐

#baguette #loaf #croissant #i-give-people-bread #indulgentsfuckoff #silly

2,011 notes

🧱 comic-sans-culotte Follow

fucking fed up with the constant threat of the swiss guard, I think it's time we got some gunpowder and weapons and took things into our own hands yknow what I'm saying

🧱 comic-sans-culotte Follow

I'm no longer joking about this btw

🧱 comic-sans-culotte Follow

update:

hopital

🧱 comic-sans-culotte Follow

ok bc I've gotten like 50 asks about this: I am not injured and I am not in need of medical care. the punchline was that we stormed the fucking hotel des invalides to get guns and powder. didn't want to clarify the joke before now for security reasons but everyone knows about that and the bastille thing by now. please direct your money to people who actually need it.

#shouldve clarified the last post was /j #however I assumed yall knew this joke already #anyways #revolution #personal #500 #1k

1,930 notes

🌾 nopain-nograin Follow

got so high at the festivial 2day i thnk i saw hte suapreme being

#robespiere speech was prboably 🔥 #unforntuately i camt rember any of it #grainposting #oipum ehre is somtehing else thes days #memes

8,256 notes

🎨 jldavid-real-moved Follow

incredible speech from @springtimeofgovernment today at the jacobin club. nobody should be permitted to use their positions as civic leaders to commit crimes against the people, even under the guise of revolutionary fervor. if it comes to it, I too will drink the hemlock with him. for france. 🤝🤝

🍊 springtimeofgovernment Follow

Thanks for your support, @jldavid-real

The situation over here is deteriorating really quickly, the representatives are getting violent and abandoning due process entirely. Anything you can do to stand with us now would be very appreciated. You do a lot of great work for the revolution, and I trust you completely.

🍊 springtimeofgovernment Follow

@jldavid-real are you still there? We could really use your help right now.

🌄 centuriesandskies Follow

boosting @springtimeofgovernment here, can confirm he's been injured in a skirmish at the hotel de ville, they're passing summary death sentences without trial, @jldavid-real where is the help you promised us??? the people of paris are our only hope now.

edit: of course he moved blogs. coward.

#sj.txt #disappointed yet unsurprised #marat would be ashamed of you #9 thermidor #update

15,794 notes

🎻 lacarmagn01e Follow

DNI if you support any of these groups/people or their actions: m0narchists, f3uillants, br1ssotins/g1rondins, th3rmidorians, b0napart1sts, h3nri du v3rgier (also goes by c0mte de r0chjacquelin), charl0tte c0rday, or lafay3tte

(h3bertists and dant0nists you're on thin ice. behave.)

#censored so they dont show up in the tags #dni #get your nasty ass ideologies off my page #won't hesitate to block and/or report any violators #pinned

52 notes

gracchus-babeufdeactivated05271797

reblog to make the directoire choke to death on their stupid fucking outfits

🌊 sea-of-revolution Follow

hey staff. yeah you. where did this blog go?? notfishgoujon and prairial-95 are gone as well?? cowards too afraid to show your faces lmao especially after the fucking mess the directoire's made of the country. bet you anything that staff are on their fucking payroll too iykwim at least the republic didn't tolerate fucking bribery

#this site's gone to the dogs since thermidor yr 2 #following the trend of the rest of the country tbh #i'll probably get nuked for posting this #if so i'm not making a new account #i'll just make a paleocities or smth #politics tag #reblog #don't play with me ik full well gb didn't delete his blog of his own free will #they also zero note glitched it #just when you think they can't stoop lower

0 notes

📕 spectrehauntingeurope Follow

it's been 50 fucking years since gracchus-babeuf (and the other CoE blogs) were deleted without warning and still no response from staff, the govt, or anything. the site's gone through a fuckton of ownership changes and still nothing.

we're working on a bit of a project (some of you might know abt it already), it's gonna be out prob in the next year or so. remember '89. remember '93 and '94. remember '97.

the people will rise again. it's only a matter of time. 🚩

-mod karl

[alpaca-clouds]

Let me talk about Mizrak

Yeah, this with all the entire Nocturne brainrot is going to continue for a couple more days at least. But the show has so many interesting themes and characters and I just love it so much. And after getting all my friends to watch the show, I got surprised by one of them being super angry about Mizrak.

Why? Well, because of the last scene with him and Olrox in the season and his words of: "You are just an animal that lost its soul centuries ago." And the friend considered that "being an asshole" and "cruel".

To which I say: Cruel? Yes. Asshole? No.

Let me explain.

First, let me make one thing clear: No, Mizrak is not a templar. I have seen that one too many times. He is not a templar. He is a monk knight of the order of St. John, so the Knights Hospitaller. Like the templars they were very much tied to the crusades originally, but they are not the same thing. There were a lot of orders and types of knights associated with the crusades. Templars were just one of them. (Do you guys wanna hear more about the templars? I can talk more about them.)

We know from bits and pieces of dialogue that Mizrak originates in Jerusalem (which is also where the order was founded). This is a gentle reminder: Israel as we know it today was not a thing back then. But Jerusalem was always a place of religious conflict as it holds importance in all three Abrahamic religions. Which was, what the crusades were all about after all. Before the time of the French Revolution, though, there was mostly some a conflict between the Ottomans and some Arab forces over Palestine. There were some Christian orders accepted within the city though.

Now, the Knights Hospitaller, who were accepted in Jerusalem, had a strong connection to France. Which... lead to problems, when some of the Arabs and the French got into problems. Which let to the Knights Hospitaller leaving for Malta. This too is referenced in the dialogue. (If you guys cannot tell: I am very happy with the amount of historical research put into this show!)

Mizrak looks to be in his early 30s. So I assume he entered the order in his mid-teens (which was a usual age to enter an order like that) and then probably left for Malta within a couple of years after that when the political situation got more charged. And then from Malta to France.

The Knights Hospitaller back then for all intent and purposes lived as militarized monks. That means they made vows of poverty, chastity and obedience. And this very much shines through with his character in so many scenes.

Of course we see that the entire "chastity" thing does not work out that well for him. But that is also why he clearly is shown to be conflicted about that entire thing. What he tries to uphold, though, is the obedience aspect of his vows. And that is, what his entire conflict is about.

See, what I love about this character is that there is all this delicious conflict.

I will iterate again: I grew up in a very, very conservative, strict, catholic household. Other kids got read fairytales for bedtime. My mother read me the bible. Priests and monks were people we intermingled with a lot. (Heck, the last pope? I met him when he was still a bishop.) And hence I got to make one very clear experience: There are three types of Catholics: Those, who focus on all the horrible things. Those, who focus on the literal stuff written in the bible. And those, who focus on the positive stuff. You know, the stuff with helping people, and being poor, and sharing, and being in general a good person. (Though the three types are not always mutually exclusive.)

And it is pretty clear that Mizrak is of the latter kind. He believes in the good he can do through his faith in God and Christ. But he has also grown up in an Order and a Church that puts a lot of focus on the idea of sin, on the idea of obedience, and the idea of the "natural order".

But there he is, with his Abbot collaborating with demons and vampires to enforce that "natural order", which among other things goes against their own vow of poverty. This is so clearly against Mizrak's believes. Because in his very core, Mizrak is a good fucking man. He is one of the good guys. Who wants to do good through his faith in God. And this conflicts for him.

So by the end of episode 7 he reached the point to go against his vow of obedience, because his faith in doing good was stronger, than his dedication to his vows. He very actively broke his vows in the eyes of his order, standing against his order, to protect those darn kids. Because it was the right thing to do. He is absolutely willing to do the noble sacrifice if that is what it takes to save those kids. And in comes that weird dude and takes this chance from him.

And his entire thing with Olrox... It seems very much that Mizrak is indeed gay. As the series so helpfully points out: Yeah, priests, monks, other clergy, and their vows of chastity were always a thing that rarely worked out. Again, as someone who grew up with close ties to the church: The fact that everyone is secretly fucking is... well known. As well as the fact that yeah, there are a lot of gay clergy. Mostly for the reason that they are shamed for their sexuality and then take the vows to not be tempted into homosexuality. Only to find that a priest school with a lot of other queer supressed men is exactly the place you do not want to be to not be tempted. (And that is all without going into all the non-con, pedophilia and what not. Things that were also already happening back then, I guarantee you.)

So, try to imagine that entire thing from Mizrak's perspective. There he is, already ashamed and suppressed about all of that and in comes this very, very seductive vampire man, who kinda seems to align with some of his values, but not with others. And who is emotionally unavailable as fuck, outright telling him that he does not love our dear Mizrak. Someone, who clearly is not for the vampires and your abbot, but also clearly not willing to take the other side. The side that you in your heart (even though it means standing against your order) know to be right. And this man, who claims to not love you, then comes in and tries to stop you from doing what is right.

Yeah, no fuck, Mizrak is a bit pissed at him. Especially as in that moment Olrox very clearly goes against Mizrak's ideals, that are all about self-sacrificially doing the right thing.

And I do think that Mizrak is right in one regard: Olrox lost his soul. He lost a part of himself. Through the trauma of colonialism, but he lost it never the less.

So, once more: Thanks the team for giving us another interesting, well-rounded religious character! CV already did so well with Isaac and Mizrak is sofar extremely promising in that regard.

[reality-detective]

The Vatican: Human Trafficking Hub

The Vatican Underground- Cleared

The Dulce Base- Underground Cleared

The Area 51 Underground Base- Cleared

Orion Group ❌ (Defeated)

Ciakharr Group ❌ (Defeated)

Killy Tokurt Group ❌ (Defeated)

These are the three main factions responsible for the

The CIA is connected to the Killy Tokurt Ops. They are the one who specialize in soul scalping. This is how our government leaders were replaced. Removing the light body & soul and replacing it with a physical vessel void of any connection to source.

Sherry Shriner covered this in many videos/audios. Megan Rose spoke about this in one of her books. Corey Goode is also another source who spoke on the caste system of the Ciakharr who are the top elite in their race.

Remember when I mentioned that people were not ready once they found out who have been eating the children? Guess what was the capitol for the "Child Sex Trafficking" breeding hub?

The Vatican.

Do you remember the story or report that came out in July of 2019 where thousands of bones was unearthed in two ossuaries discovered in the Vatican City, as part of an ongoing search for clues into the disappearance of a 15-year-old girl more than three decades ago in 1983?

Do you remember the mass grave full of baby bones found along the shores of Israel's Mediterranean coast, in the ancient seaport of Ashkelon in 2014?

Do you remember An Indigenous group said the remains of as many as 751 people, mainly children, had been found in unmarked graves on the site of a former boarding school in Saskatchewan?

As a matter of fact that was a 2,300 page document that leaked that verified Pope Francis’ cover up of a Vatican Pedophile Ring. Did you know 20 Chilean Priests who went public on their connection to that very same Pedophile Ring, were killed in a plane crash right after their meeting with Pope Francis?

Back on July 20 2014 the International Common Law Court of Justice in Brussels found defendants Pope Francis Bergoglio, Catholic Jesuit Superior General Adolfo Pachon and Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby guilty of rape, torture, murder and the trafficking of children. (Nothing Is Happening?)

I highly doubt it.

Two adolescent women told the ICLCJ Court that Pope Francis raped them while participating in child sacrifices during the Springs of 2009 and 2010 in rural Holland and Belgium. According to a former employee of the Curia in Rome, rapes and murders of children also took place at the Carnarvon Castle in Wales and an undisclosed French Chateau.

A Prosecutor introduced notarized affidavits by eight others claiming to witness these same crimes organized by the Vatican. Another witness testified that they were present during meetings with the then Argentine priest and Bishop Francis and the military Junta during Argentine’s 1970′s Dirty War.

According to the witness, Francis helped traffic 30,000 children of missing political prisoners into the Vatican Pedophile Ring.

Do you know why this has taken so long? If you knew how vast these underground tunnels are you would understand why certain EOs signed by D. Trump kept getting extensions.

The Military at some point will disclose the battles that went underground.

The weapons used.

The strategies used.

The entries/exits used.

The medical technology used.

The portals/gateways that were used.

You got a glimpse of this during the fight that went on underground with the Phil Schneider lectures that still can be found on YouTube about the Dulce extraterrestrial confrontation that resulted in lives being lost and him being scarred from it.

People are only looking at the human aspect of this process. They are not looking at this as governments officials serving a unknown species that want world dominion who is an entire different secret government whose base are in these DUMBS-(Deep Underground Military Bases) who control all of our 3 letter agencies who are middlemen/conduits who these covert species use to control Washington. 🤔

Julian Assange

[princessbrunette]

omg what do you think the boys’ hidden talents would be ??

i think rafe’s will be posh hobbies he learnt as a kid, like he’s amazing at the piano or knows one classical piece really well and/or he’s fluent in French ?? because of Guadalupe

jj’s maybe really good at making cocktails ?? idk

john bee’s could be origami ?🤔

pope’s probably really good at juggling (he’s the only one with a brain big enough to coordinate himself to juggle ykwim?? 😭)

anywaysss im excited to know what you think

-🐣

WHY ARE THESE ALL SO ACCURATE !!

rafe is kinda shitty at french but he can speak it enough to be able to say he speaks it to impress people yk? the piano skill never went away though. he’s the type to just be casually super good at something without trying too n it pisses u off. the two of you will be cruising round an event ward had dragged the two of you along to network and he’ll sit down at the piano in the middle of the room n just start playing and you’re like ??

i do definitely think jj is good at making cocktails. comes up with his own mixtures you’ve never heard of before. he’s the guy that approaches you eagerly at every party holding a red solo cup saying “nah, trust me okay. my special blend. tastes like juice, try it.” when it does infact taste like alcohol— but it’s still yummy n gets you fucked up. i also believe for some reason jj has a special skill for making bombs (think hazel from bottoms) he learnt how to do it as a kid n then kept implementing the skill in his life to the point where the pogues have to be like “dude. no bombs.” before each lil mission. he says fine but next thing you know somethings blowing up and everyone’s running 🙄

john b does seem to be really nifty with his hands i feel like he can do stuff like origami or even randomly crotchet 😭 origami he’ll always be doing, when he’s deep in thought about some treasure or smth he’s folding up a piece of paper so intricately and you’re just like ?? how are you doing that ?? probably learnt how to crotchet from a babysitter he’d had when he was a kid, maybe even lana grubbs— and now it’s just a skill he pushes to the side until it’s your bday n now he’s kicking u out the room to crotchet you a puppy stuffed animal :(

pope can def juggle. and whilst he juggles he explains to you the physics behind it which makes him all the more nerdy n cute. i also believe he can sing, probably super shy about it but when you’re sleepy he’ll lay you on his chest n sing to you and you’re like ?? hello you are rlly good ?? and he just waves u off !

[jazziejax]

The Kildare County Surf Shop!

“Pope, wha-what was the line again?” John B, stuttered, awkwardly looking at the pair behind the camera. A sigh could be heard out of frame, Andy putting her face into her hand after watching her friend struggle for the hundredth time.

“Look, into the camera lens.” Pope said firmly, tried of his long time friend as well.

“Ok.”

“Don’t look at me, look at the camera.”

“Okay, sorry.” The dirty blonde as sheepishly before clearing his throat. The video then cut, completely starting over.

“Hey, OBX.” John B said, still as awkward as the first few times. “We’re the..new surf shop in town and we’re here to bring you a good time—” He trailed off before off before the camera zoomed out to show the porch of the shop.

“All the time!” Kiara, Sarah, Twitch and AJ, all popped out from around the corner of the open double doors. AJ immediately dropped her arms, giving the back of John B’s head a cold look.

“We’re supposed to be in sync, guys. It’s not that hard.” She complained with a slight shake of her head as she placed her hands on her hips.

“This is stupid!” Cleo whined from her place on the steps with French Fry and Porky, already tried of the constant filming and retakes of the commercial. Gavin pointed over at her from where he stood behind the shark that JJ had his head stuck in. “I’m with her.” He said.

“Cut!” Andy groaned, the video cutting to another clip.

“Kildare County Surf Shop!” Pope’s voice was heard over the commercial. “A one stop shop for all your island essentials.”

“T-Shirts!” Andy and JJ said at the same time. While the boy just held the shirts up for the camera, Andy showed the design on her back, pointing a thumb at it as she gave the camera a smirk over her shoulder.

“Boots!” Sarah smiled at the camera as she held a pair of boots in her hand. There was also a pair floating, upside down, next to her head. The camera zoomed out some to catch Andy doing a handstand to show the water proof shoes she had on. “Okay, cut it before I pass out.” She rasped out, the camera cutting just in time before she fell.

“Bucket Hats.” John B smiled at the camera as he held up a hat with his hand. He then moved and placed the hat onto Gavin’s head, who stood there with a straight face and his arms crossed. John B continued to give the camera a large smile, in contrast to his friend next to him, before the clip cut.

“Live bait!” Pope and AJ said enthusiastically, pointing to the fish in his girlfriend’s hand. The fish then twitched, causing Pope to flinch since it was so close to his face, while AJ just continued to smile at the camera, raising her brows twice before the clip cut.

“Kayak rentals!” Sarah yelled as she rowed within the small boat, the camera quickly zooming in so it could look as if she was really on the water instead of swaying on the dock.

“Fishing nets!” Kiara said with a smile as she held the large net out. She then turned to Twitch, placing the tool over his head, catching him in the net.

“For catching fish and thieves.” AJ smiled as she popped up from behind the counter, startling the pair. Twitch sharply gasped at her words before turning back to Pope, who held the camera. “You gotta cut that out, you know I have a case pending.” He finishes just before the camera cut.

“At the Kildare..Country Surf Shop, we treat our customers like..they’re gold.” Pope said stiffly, standing straight as he looked into the camera with an uncomfortable look in his eye. The camera dropped a little to show nothing but they’re legs and the golden god walking up to them, a voice behind the device speaking.

“Oh, babe, that was really bad.” AJ said softly as Pope walked closer. “Yeah, that sucked absolute ass.”Andy said bluntly, a small slap sounding out and the camera moving as the girl then hissed. “I know, I know.” Pope sighed defeatedly. “Why are you so stiff?”

“Yeah, it looks like someone was holding you at gun point.” Andy spoke again, the camera jolting slightly when AJ shoved her. “Yeah, I’ll just cut that out.” The boy groaned, the camera catching his bottom half walk closer to his girlfriend, who held her arms open for him to enter in defeat.

“Here at the surf shop, we believe that the board you ride should as personal as the wave you rip.” John B said as he looked down into the camera, showing the customized board on the ceilings.

“This is such an odd angle.” AJ said as she stepped into frame slightly, catching John B’s attention. “Wrong type of video if you know what I mean.” The camera cut just in time to catch the groans that sounded within the room.

“We have our local sea turtle lover, Kiara Carrera and resident artists Twitch and Andy who can make you a custom board, pottery and more.”

“Really get a vibe for your aura.” Kiara said to the camera, standing in her apron with the board material behind her. “Could be your sign or I could read your chakra and make you a board on those readings.” She said softly, gesturing over to the painting station behind her.

“I’m getting, like, a caaaaann-“ She trialed off softly as she painted the board, standing before a customer who was waiting.

“Oh, actually I’m a Scorpio.” The girl said.

“Scorpio.” Kiara finished, as if she already knew what the girl was going to say. “It was-It was either that-it was one of the two.” The girl said. The customer just nodded her head, an unsure frown on her features.

The camera then cut to Twitch, who stood in an apron as well with spray cans in his hands. “Yeah, I don’t do all that astronomy mumbo jumbo.” He waved off, the cans clicking in his hands. “I bring an unethical and graffiti type of vide to surfing that a lot of Kooks and tourist don’t really like. But I say rock on!” He smirked. The video then cut to another clip of Twitch, this time standing in front of a customer.

“Okay, so I was thinking an Asian style jaguar, crawling down the back of a Chinese dragon flying atop the clouds on Mount Fuji. Or, Pinhead on top of Cerberus, slicing the head off a Hydra.” He suggested. The camera then panned to a little boy, who scratched his head as he glanced over his shoulder for his parents. “Uh, I was thinking, like, a whale or something. My mom doesn’t let me watch scary movies.” He said innocently.

AJ softly cooed from behind the camera while Twitch just scoffed. “Well, I was watching horror movies before I could even speak but, whatever.” He shrugged before moving to grab his supplies. “My signature has to go on the bottom, that the rule. And that’ll be five hundred dollar so pay up, kid.” He said before harshly placing his supply crate on top of the surfboard, causing the little boy to flinch at the loud impact.

“Twitch!” AJ hissed while Andy sighed. “Just cut the damn cameras.” She said to Pope before the camera cut.

“I on the other end offer a variety of crafts.” Andy smirked to the camera, staring outside on her apron. “Inside you will see a few pottery items I’ve made, and I do customs as well.” She winked with a smirk. “And I also do caricatures! I’ve done portraits on boards for couples and family’s here and there.” She smiled.

The video then cut to the girl standing before a couple, the pairs arms wrapped around one another as they posed for the drawing. “What a lovely couple.” Andy smiled, looking between the pair. They laughed a little, turning to look into the other’s eyes. “It’s be a shame if you broke up.” She continued with a smile on her face, not seeing their smiles dripping slightly as she drew. “I mean, who would get the board if you did? Would even you even want the board? Especially if one of you cheats, that’d be so difficult.” She sighed softly before looking up at the pair. “But I doubt that’ll ever happen.” She cheesed as she looked between them, the couples face now blank. “I also do tattoos on the low.” She leaned forward to tell them, offering a wink before the camera quickly cut.

The video the cut to AJ, standing in behind the counter in the store. “And here we have Kain exclusives!” She said, gesturing to the ceramic cups and candies that littered the counter. “All pottery items and candles are hand crafted. We even do customs!” She said, the camera catching a pan of the well made and unique items. It then cut back to her, a smile of her face. “Only exclusive to Kildare County Surf Shop!” She grinned. Her smile only faltered slightly and before the camera cut, she continued. “And there may be some at Mama Heart’s near Figure Eight, but these are better.” She said before her face fell, serious as she looked into the camera lens. “No hate to you grandma.” She said

The video then cut to Gavin standing behind the same counter, face stoic as he leaned his weight onto counter. “You know him, you love him. Pouge Prince, Gavin Watts is here!” John B said as he popped in and gestured over to the boy. The other boys face didn’t move, looking into the camera. “AJ and I couldn’t be mechanics. So I work the counter.” He said simply. John B was just his awkward self, glancing at the boy while a voice spoke up from behind the camera.

“Be enthusiastic.” Andy whispered.

Gavin just help a thumbs up, nothing else changing. Andy sighed.

“This diva.” AJ laughed from behind the camera.

“So bring it on home to the Kildare County Surf Shop! Built by Pouges…” John B trialed off surely, just staring into the lens of the camera, not a thought behind his eyes.

“For Pouges.” Sarah and AJ said.

“For Pouges.” Pope continued.

“For Pouges.” Kiara cheered.

“Yeah, no Kooks allowed. I gut you!” Cleo hissed. “Yeah!” AJ yelled in excitement, trying and giving the girl a high five. “Yeah!” Andy just agreed to be a part of the enthusiasm, leaning her weight off of JJ. John B automatically agreed, pointing at the camera without much thought behind what the girls were actually saying before Gavin stepped in.

“Woah, some kooks.” He said, placing his hands on Cleo’s shoulders. “Some Kooks.” Pope agreed. “Yeah, that’s where the money is,” Twitch spoke up, and leaned against the railing on the other side of Kiara as he brushed his waves down out of pure boredom.

“And don’t forget to book your scuba and surf tour by..JJ Maybank.” The blonde boy suddenly cut in, gaining the rest of their attention. Andy stood next to him, her arm around his shoulder as she nodded and gave the camera a thumbs up. “Best guy for the job!” She said.

“The Kildare County Surf Shop!” Pope’s voice said over a clip of the group plus the pets sitting on the steps outside of the shop, waving at the drone as it rose high and higher. JJ and Gavin stood on the opposite ends of the group, not as enthusiastic as the others, even though Andy was lazily waving JJ’s hands for him. “Located on the old Maybank property.”

Andy was the first to stand up when she say the drone fly closer to the trees. “No, no.” She said as she rushed over, Pope on her trials, as well as French Fry, who thought they were playing a game. “No, no, no, no, no.” The boy said, but the drone stilled hit the bank of the tree, catching branches and then falling to the ground. “Ugh!” He groaned, on his knees as he inspected the expensive gadget to make sure everything was okay.

[chillentertainer]

inspired by @searchingforserendipity25's amazing post, here are some of my silly ideas i banged out this fine snowy winter evening (shout out climate change because snow in texas!)

The one where the Pope discovers that magic is real and that Thomas Lawrence is a wizard. Except are you really a wizard if you haven't used magic for about half your life (the answer is yes because Lawrence uses it expertly to save Benitez's life)

The one where Bellini is down on his luck and in desperate need of money so he gets a sugar daddy. And that sugar daddy is Tedesco. They don’t discover the other’s true identities until decades later when they run into each other in Rome. 

The one where there is some kind of natural disaster which traps Tedesco and Benitez in the same room for hours on end. By the end of it, at least three (3) kisses, two (2) orgasms, and one (1) blowjob has been exchanged. They’re still “enemies”. But now Tedesco is inexplicably Benitez’s #1 private supporter and nearly bit off a bishop’s head when they spoke ill of Innocent 

The one where they are exploring the final frontier on a starship and the captain suddenly dies. So now they must elect a new captain. Also this mysterious officer shows up out of nowhere and apparently he used to work with refugees from the Federation-Klingon war?

The one where Thomas Lawrence is a painter in the 1800s and struggling to find artistic inspiration when Vincent Benitez, a fellow painter, arrives in town. 

The one where Thomas Lawrence endures a string of assassination attempts that he hides with increasing difficulty from the Pope, until his car literally Blows Up, and a piece of shrapnel narrowly misses a vital organ. Benitez is Not Happy about this. Ray does a little investigating because he’s also Unhappy someone tried to blow up the only Englishman he likes and finds out that one of the Cardinals is still paranoid about the simony list… 

The one where they’re in a symphony and the conductor just died and now they need a new conductor. Lawrence plays first violin. Sometimes he wishes his hands literally fall off before he has to pick up the violin and play again. 

The one where the plane crashes a la Yellowjackets! 

During these two months, Lawrence will offer himself up as food five different times. Bellini will begin to wonder about his friend’s mental health. Tedesco is the only one who seriously does want to eat Lawrence. (He's a hungry bitch who went through food scarcity as a child, can you blame him?)

Lawrence and Benitez will stare at each other longingly over the campfire for four weeks. Ray will notice these gazes and be reminded of the time he went and saw Portrait of a Lady on Fire by himself after a close friend recommended it to him and that close friend died before Ray could ask why they told him, a Bishop of the Catholic Church, to see a period drama about lesbian French women. Now he understands. 

Bellini and Tedesco will argue and then fuck it out thrice. They will be secretive and nonchalant and everyone will know because Bellini is limping and Tedesco appears unusually happy. Also sound travels far in a quiet forest. 

Tremblay will take over certain survival tasks twice because he was a Boy Scout in his youth, only to accidentally almost poison the soup with hallucinogenic mushrooms. Benitez catches this mistake just in time, but Tedesco isn’t listening (he’s too busy scripting out the next fight between him and Bellini) and takes a bite. While he doesn’t die, he instead has a vivid dream where he and Bellini turn into slime and merge into a giant slime puddle. He wakes up with an erection. Death is preferable in his opinion. 

And finally, Lawrence’s mild fever will worsen considerably one night, to the point of fatality, and he will hold Vincent’s hands as he confesses all of his sins and love for Vincent, though he knows he shouldn’t feel this way, but he does he does he does, and please use my body to survive and continue God’s work, and Vincent tearfully agrees, only for Ray to shout aha! because he got the damn radio to work and contacted the rescuers.

[amateurvoltaire]

Little Yellow Emperor: the Life of Napoleon in LEGO

The Battle of Waterloo Domain is hosting a LEGO exhibit called "THE LEGEND OF NAPOLEON IN LEGO BRICKS." As a recovering LEGO addict and an eternal fan of 18th/19th-century French history, I simply had to go. After successfully bribing the husband with beer and fries and the children with waffles, we made the trip today.

The exhibition was smaller than I expected, but some of the builds were genuinely impressive. It traces Napoleon's life from his birth in Corsica to his death on Saint Helena—a neat, bite-sized way to introduce his story, and a fun way of recreating history. However, one thing that did bug me a bit: while the audio guide is available in multiple languages, all the wall texts are in French. In a trilingual country, especially at such a touristy site, that feels like a bit of a miss (plus, it gave the Dutch-speaking husband an excuse to grumble).

Gripes aside (1), the exhibit was a lot of fun. Here are my favourite builds.

1. The Campaign in Egypt

This recreation of Napoleon’s Egyptian campaign is absolutely brilliant. The photos don’t do it justice—every detail, from the Sphinx to the busy French camp, is spot on. It's also huge and apparently took close to 70 hours to build! @chickenmadam can you spot Kléber?

2. Napoleon's Coronation as Emperor

The second build, depicting Napoleon's coronation, may be smaller, but it's full of impressive details. I especially loved the grumpy expression on Pope Pius VII’s face, along with the equally unimpressed looks from the rest of the clergy—it really adds character to the scene!

3. The Coup on 18th Brumaire

Again not a very big build but... those red capes... the hats... the outfits —need I say more?

4. Napoleon asks Josephine for a Divorce

This moment is supposed to be, by all accounts, heart-wrenching for everyone involved—Napoleon asking Josephine for a divorce. But, since it’s LEGO, it ends up looking unintentionally hilarious.

5. The Crossing of the Berezina River

This is another brilliant build, capturing what was arguably Napoleon's greatest military disaster. While it's not as large as the Egypt campaign scene, it’s packed with intricate details that make it just as interesting.

6. Napoleon's Civil Code

Yes. He has a GIANT parchment.

7. Daddy Napoleon and his son

Because the King of Rome has a purple teddybear and a grumpy statue of his dad in his room...

Bonus: The Battle of the Arcole Bridge

Not particularly impressive per see as a build, but this is one of my favourite moments in Napoleon's story, so... why not?

Notes

(1) Yes, they recreated the siege of Toulon. No, Bonbon isn't in it. That makes me sad.

[floweraccidental]

Epic is over. You know what isn't over? My bf's and my own obsession over it. And over Saint Seiya: Knights of the zodiac. We rp a lot. And you know my my genius of a boyfriend did?

"What is we combined the two? Like, the very 1st generation of Saints are Heroes from ancient Greece. And we can put Epic on the same fucking timeline."

And I was like... yeah??? Tell me??

So here's how he planned it out.

Grand pope: Odysseus. The one being the link between Athena and the rest of the saints for obvious reasons.

Aries: Ajax the Great (which is ironic because he didn't find any merit from winning any battles with a goddess' help, and in the and, the goddess in question needs HIS help lol)

Taurus: Theseus. (Considering this is a war against Hades they're planning, Athena is just putting oil on fire as we say in French. Girl, you are not helping.)

Gemini: Castor & Pollux (Do I really need to explain that one?)

Cancer: Achilles (Dude did not ask to be brought back, but his acquaintance with hell was necessary. And after seeing seeing the Capricorn saint, he didn't mind)

Leo: Hercules/Heracles (let me tell you, Achilles is having fun tormenting him a little.)

Libra: Jason (Aeolus sometimes sends his winions at the sanctuary just to know how he's doing)

Virgo: Andromaque ("Remember the infant?" She watched her baby being thrown off a wall and now has to be under the orders of the one who killed her son and colleague with the one who killed her husband. She is filled with seething hatred and is planning revenge.)

Scorpio: Orion (who will train the ones bearing the cloth of his constellations and his dogs' so they don't bring shame to his name. Also Eris took a liking in him for some reason?)

Ophiucus (yeah, he said he probably was a gold saint back then, and not a silver one): Asclepios. (It's gonna cause a lot of problems, but also going to be very helpful.)

Sagittarius: Philoctecte (he doesn't mind helping Odysseus, but his foot is still hurt and he sometimes would've preferred Teucer in his place. He's still taking his role very seriously and rarely lets his guard down.)

Capricorn: Patroclus (Now you know why Achilles doesn't mind being here again. Athena needed someone strong headed, ready to kill on command. Though, once again, it doesn't help that a Myrmidon like him has to fight Aiacos, aka his LITTERAL KING)

Aquarius: Ganymedes (more trauma for the boy! But with Asclepios around, it helps a little and he is more at ease. Andromaque cares more for him than the rest because he still looks and acts younger than all of them.)

Pisces: ADONIS (Pretty boy, I don't know what he's doing here but the point of Pisces saints in saint seiya is that they are the most beautiful and still some of the strongest. Literally a rose with poisonous thorns. So I'll take it)

Bonus ones!

Altar (the one that is to take the Pope's place if he dies): Diomedes (because he was also a part of Athena's favourites and Odysseus really doesn't mind having him around)

Unicorn (one of the closest saints to Athena by devotion): Telemachus (more trauma for this boy as well! And this time, Odysseus is not really okay with it. But Telemachus really wants to and he doesn't want to go against his precious boy's wishes)

That's all for now! I'll keep you all updated if bf comes with new lore. He says "Athena genuinely tried her best when choosing the golds, but she doesn't get why it's messed up because she's a goddess with not all knowledge of how human anger and hatred towards one another really works so..."

[misspjsuperior]

Like many contemporary artists I too was inspired to capture my own Roan of Arc interpretation based on Chappell Roan’s recent VMA performance. I was especially enamored with the shiny armor and imagined Chappell singing into a sword like a mic, bearing the banner of her cause, of her people. It makes artistic sense for the rising pop star to reference and embody Joan of Arc as a modern champion of LGBTQ+ expression. How tho? Why is Joan of Arc, martyred by being burned at the stake, so popular in Queer art through the generations?

To understand, we must know what was actually deemed to be her crime. Witchcraft? Sorcery? Heresy? All of these were her charged but NONE of these were her actual convictions.

Jeanne D’Arc also known as Joan of Arc is famous for having been martyred as a heretic after leading her French army to seemingly impossible victories against the English occupation during the Hundred Years’ War and her body at the stake to be burned is a popular theme in art about her life.

But heresy was not successfully convicted against her. Saint Joan was murdered by the state, by England, solely on the grounds of cross dressing.

After prolonged, intensive questioning by Cauchon and the other members of the tribunal, Jeanne d’Arc gave them no answers that could constitute heresy. They accused her of practicing sorcery, but she testified repeatedly that she only followed the word of God and believed in the infallibility of the Church and Pope.

The clerics then proclaimed that her cross-dressing was an abomination to God, to which she answered, “the clothes are a small matter, the least of all things”. However, Cauchon soon realized that through a technicality in canon law, the tribunal could condemn her on this small thing.

The tribunal convinced Jeanne d’Arc to sign a legal document stating her submission to the Church and recanting her claims about hearing the saints’ voices. Attached to that document was a cedula, or royal decree, also avowing that she would no longer wear men’s clothing. Upon her renunciation, the tribunal released Jeanne d’Arc back to prison without indicting her for any crime.

Yet, three days later in prison, Jeanne d’Arc was again wearing men’s clothes. In a later trial, some testified that guards had stolen Jeanne’s female clothes and replaced them with male clothes. Whatever the case, as soon as Cauchon heard the news, he immediately condemned her for lapsed heresy on the grounds of cross-dressing. The same day, the tribunal handed Jeanne d’Arc over to the secular court for her punishment: burning at the stake.

The execution took place May 30, 1431, in the public marketplace of English occupied Rouen, France when Joan was only 19 years old

Now with proposed bills in US states like Texas, Florida, and Ohio that call for children’s genitals to be examined in order to play sports to prove cisgender participation status and which proper jailing parents who do not force their trans children to present as cis, it seems we are have regressed back to 15th century European standards. But yknow the US is still the champion of the colonizing English, look we Americans are still speaking their language right now! No more home of the free than Orleans was before Joan rose up in her power.

Whether or not Joan was actually trans masculine or any other kind of Queer, the fact remains she was murdered on a gender biased technicality. Let’s not let that keep happening over 600 years later.

[honey-tongued-devil]

Dance Macabre explained

NdA: !!This text contains Los Angeles ritual spoilers!!

Do you remember that at the end of the Dance Macabre video, it says "the beginning"?

What if I told you that it was indeed the beginning, not of Ghost's lore, but of the actual dance macabre itself? Skipping the historical context, the "Dance of the Maccabees" is a biblical story where seven brothers (the Maccabees), condemned to death, disappeared one by one before dying in a certain rhythm that resembled a dance. Like every biblical story, it has been depicted and painted on various occasions, such as in Paris in the early 1400s, along the walls of the "Cemetery of the Innocents." Here we witness a transliteration from Latin to French that coined the word "macabre."

But why am I going on about this? First and foremost, it's because of the bloodline. Technically, Primo, Secondo, Terzo, and presumably even Copia himself are brothers. In the video, when Nihil becomes the pope, the words "the beginning" appear because that's the exact moment when the dance macabre begins, where we see the various brothers enter and exit the stage in a rhythmic manner (every 2 years). So, what does this have to do with yesterday's ritual?

Yesterday, while Copia was singing Twenties, skeletons came on stage and danced alongside the living (the audience) and the ghouls (other creatures from hell). This happened because, symbolically, the dance macabre spares no one. In Catholicism, when referring to Judgment Day, it is said that the dead come to take away the living, which is why artistic representations include people of all ages and social classes. At the end of the song, the skeletons left, only to come back again for Dance Macabre itself, where they lifted Copia, who completely surrendered to them, relaxed, without resistance.

This is, in fact, a "Momento Mori." A reminder of the impending death, the brevity of life. Copia doesn't fight the skeletons; he doesn't try to escape. He allows himself to be lifted. He accepts that he is dying, and indeed, during the ritual, he himself says, "This is the end of an era."

It's not the end of Ghost, but of the Impera. It has reached its end; death has already knocked on his door, as seen in the official lore videos.

However, I nod to those who wholeheartedly believed that Copia would become the Antichrist. While all the symbolism we've seen so far speaks of the imminent departure of Papa Emeritus IV, we are formal this time, as I mentioned earlier; this symbolism is used by Catholics not only to refer to death but also to Judgment Day.

The Day of Judgment, or the Apocalypse, is accompanied by the arrival of the Antichrist, signaling the imminent end of the world (in this case, the skeletons were dancing with the audience because they were there for them). For completeness, the coming of the Son of Satan, the Antichrist, accompanies the Parousia, which is the coming of the Son of God, Christ, in a battle between good and evil that, despite ending with Christ's triumph, leads to the end of the world.

In other words, we too could be part of the Dance Macabre without even knowing it.

[ic-napology]

I'm back talking about Napoleon and Josephine: A Love Story✨️

At first I had a problem with how inaccurate it is in so many points, yet now I think that almost every inaccuracy seems to serve a justifiable purpose. Much like in The Gladiator, whose story is good even if it's based in historical inaccuracies. That's what sells this miniseries to me anyway.

The most blatant example of this is the premise, in the first episode: Robespierre being a delulu megalomaniac, Napoleon being openly critical of him thus being sent to prison, while they supported each other's work in real life, and circumstances behind Napoleon's arrest are linked to the Terror's end instead.

Why do I find this justifiable nonetheless? Because first of all, this miniseries caters to a broad audience and its main purpose clearly is to tell a good romantic story with a historical setting, not to give you a documentary. That's the reason behind Bridgerton popularity too. I empathise with Robespierre fans over there, but a generic viewer is more likely to have a stereotypical view on French Revolution where he's cast as a flat main villain, so Napoleon could not be his supporter, being the male lead.

Another inaccuracy is the Bonaparte family still living in Corsica at the time of Napoleon's marriage. Showing them living in Marseille with no context would have been confusing. So Napoleon is Corsican, then why does his family live in France too? But also explaining that they were forced to escape from Corsica by Paoli - thus explaining Corsica's political situation - that would have been too complex and "useless" for the main story, since everything happened years prior to its beginning.

I'm still sad that Napoleon has not a great background story set here though, just some tips mentioned. We do get to know Josephine's full story and its emotional impact on her is crystal clear. I love how Napoleon is portrayed here as a character, but you don't get to know where does his ambition come from. What does give him that energy, what does he believe in and why?

So I see these as more of historical simplifications rather than blatant inaccuracies. I see thoughts behind it. Fleshing out things like these would have required a ton of explanation, but that was just the premise to another whole story, which has to be set in a short time on a script. I wouldn't say it's an impossible task though.

So storytelling-wise, I see a point in this inaccuracy, despite disliking it and finding it hugely misleading.

This miniseries also puts attention to details and facts that other movies may ignore instead. One example of this is the fact that Napoleon and Josephine had to marry a second time before the coronation, thanks to Josephine's snitching to the Pope about their only civil marriage. Little Hortense teaching him to dance is a playful nod to the fact that she actually tried that as an adult before Napoleon got married a second time. Josephine's talent on the billiard table is mentioned and useful to set her interactions with Charles. These bits are loveable for those who are passionate and create a more lively story for those who are new.

What do you think?

[fideidefenswhore]

why did Charles try to stop Henry's divorce so much? I just seen your post on here where Charles says he wants Henry to marry a Hapsburg girl. so he wasn't offended by divorce itself, and he met Katherine all of one time? so he didn't care about her feelings or rights. if Henry married Anne that stops Henry getting a French wife so from Charles pov it's not so bad. and he never actually did anything like they all wanted him too, fighting Henry I mean, so in the end what was the point?

well, first of all, i'm going to link to that primary source in question, just to preemptively stave off any outraged coa stans in my inbox...

there are various theories, i think loades' paper 'charles v and the english' is probably the strongest on the subject (although fwiw, i don't entirely agree with all of it):

"When Charles found out that he was seeking an annulment, he was outraged. Not only was Catherine his aunt, she was also his loyal and astute ally at the English court. Equally important, however, was his profound conviction that Henry was wrong, and was seeking to exploit ecclesiastical weakness and confusion for an immoral purpose. His implacable and successful opposition to the English campaign at Rome was to have far-reaching consequences. The Anglo-Imperial alliance collapsed, to be replaced with a chilly but platonic hostility which lasted for nearly fifteen years. The Emperor's attitude placed him in a dilemma of his own making. With France, the Ottoman Empire, and the Lutheran princes of Germany all threatening, he could ill-afford to make another enemy. Did the reputation of an aunt who he had hardly ever met really mean so much to him? I do not think so. I think that Charles's position was determined rather by the intense seriousness with which he took his responsibilities as the secular head of Christendom. He had his disagreements with successive popes, but the papal authority, like his own, was a prop of that supernatural ordering of human affairs which God had established for his own purposes."

that's the thesis, essentially. hviii's defiance of the pope was an affront to his own authority, it was the papacy that had made him HRE, after all. he held two contradicting principles in tension: the pope had no right to join a french alliance against him, and if he tried, he would face the consequences of ransacking and imprisonment (a physical, or 'secular' attack/assault), but he did have the right to declare on marriages, and to defy those declarations was a spiritual assault/attack: anathema to god. and, actually, this does wrap rather neatly around his apparent willingness to 'encourage' the pope into the opposite decision of what he settled on, in specific circumstances: for one, he must have accepted by 1533 that henry was serious, and not backing down, and secondly, coa had been banished from court (the center of power) and isolated for two years. she was no longer in a position to be his 'loyal and astute ally', because she no longer had the access and political and social capital she once did (or, if she had the latter, it doesn't seem like she was willing to expend it-- or, potentially, diminish it-- by actively and outwardly encouraging rebellion against henry). again, henry's determined to have a son, he's determined to repudiate her, so it's likely the case that charles v had decided to make the most of the situation: 'encourage' henry to marry one of charles' own female relatives, and he can have an ally at the english court again. she'll either have a son, which means imperial interest and prerogative can be maintained in england, via one of his relatives, again, or she can maintain mary's interests as his proxy for imperial advantage in england. and of course, if henry agrees, then he'll make sure to convince catherine (he might have been overestimating himself here) and the pope to annul the marriage. the boleyns being in power holds zero advantage to him, especially as it's evident by this point that they favor a french alliance, and that the highest-ranking scion among the boleyn-howard faction, norfolk, is opposed to the republic of venice, with whom charles v has recently made an alliance with...

but ultimately, mary does self-abnegate her rights to the throne, so even absent the the boleyns empowered, charles doesn't really have a winning hand, and he knows it:

"On several occasions, [Chapuys] informed his master that even quite a small amount of military or financial assistance would be sufficient to topple [Henry VIII] from the throne and restore <<right order>>. However, Charles did nothing, even when the Pilgrimage of Grace seemed to offer him a golden opportunity. One reason for this may have been that he did not have the available resources, but another was that his principles and the practicalities of the situation were pulling in opposite directions. He did not really want to see Henry dethroned and his country destabilised. However badly he might be behaving, Henry was a legitimate ruler and there was no obvious alternative. Moreover, if he started putting his displeasure into effect, the result might be a most inconvenient Anglo-French alliance, especially as Henry was already angling for French support in the Curia."

that's the crux of it...charles v did not have confidence in the vision of mary winning a civil war. civil wars were destabilising (destablised countries did not make for strong allies in mercantile trade), there was no guarantee of winning (there would have been other potential claimaints besides mary even with fitzroy's death and elizabeth's relative infancy, the poles, the courtenays, james v, even...), and even winning them was no guarantee that the winner's descendants would make it to the throne after them. what he wanted was henry to remain king, and to use his authority as king to acknowledge mary as princess and placed back into the successsion, particularly because this would make any self-advantageous betrothal (which would mean mary's descendants could be allies to his own descendants, etc) he wanted to arrange for her smoother, but also because he wanted an ally in england that was empowered, not disempowered. he had even agreed to acknowledge anne boleyn as queen and elizabeth as princess in exchange for this (circa april 1536); the respective beliefs and temperaments of henry&anne both individually and together meant that this, to them, was a faustian bargain that they would never have accepted.

[coochiequeens]

"Until recently, a meeting between them was unlikely. Their worlds are quite different: one is an outspoken atheist feminist from France, the other is a Reformed politician from the Netherlands." In other words it is possible for people who usually oppose each other on social issues to agree on something.

One an outspoken atheist feminist from France, the other a Reformed politician from the Netherlands. "We form an interesting but important coalition." Photo CNE.news

European Union

People hardly ask questions about surrogacy, notice the French activist Olivia Maurel and the Dutch Member of the European Parliament Bert-Jan Ruissen. "People have no idea what kind of market is behind this."

Until recently, a meeting between them was unlikely. Their worlds are quite different: one is an outspoken atheist feminist from France, the other is a Reformed politician from the Netherlands. Despite these differences, French activist Olivia Maurel and SGP MEP Bert-Jan Ruissen find common ground in their shared mission: a worldwide ban on surrogacy. "We form an interesting but important coalition", Ruissen says.

Maurel and Ruissen are examples of the flanks of this politically diverse coalition, which has grown significantly in recent years. In early April, they met at the Casablanca conference in Rome. There, politicians, legal experts, and medical professionals gathered to discuss a global ban on surrogacy.

During the conference, there was little opportunity for an in-depth conversation. At the request of the CNE.news, Maurel and Ruissen spoke again at the end of April via a video call about their objections to surrogacy. "We use a woman for her uterus and take a child away from the mother immediately after birth," says Maurel, who was born through surrogacy. "That's why Olivia's story is so important," Ruissen adds. "People need to know the consequences of this practice."

In surrogacy, a woman carries and gives birth to a child for another, whether or not for financial compensation. The commercial market for this is growing from 14 billion dollars in 2022 to an expected 129 billion dollars in 2032.

Personal

For Maurel, this debate is personal. She was born in 1991 to an American surrogate mother. The publication of her story on CNE.news in October last year brought her into contact with the organisation behind the Casablanca Declaration. With this Declaration, politicians, jurists and other experts call on countries to ban surrogacy within their territories.

Shortly after they connected, Maurel became the spokesperson for the Casablanca Declaration. She shared her life story in various parliaments and had a private audience with the Pope. "I told him I am an atheist but that we need to work together on this issue," says Maurel. "He is very kind; he understood me and was very open to my story."

Politicians she addressed also showed understanding, says Maurel. Yet, she also sees some naivety. "Not everyone realises how much this market has been commercialised. It sounds nice: a woman helping another couple fulfil their desire for children. But people have no idea what kind of world is behind this."

MEP Ruissen signed the Casablanca Declaration in April. He shares Maurel's observation. "With surrogacy, you cross an ethical border when you intentionally do not let a child grow up with its mother. In this debate, the desires of adults seem to be more important than the child's interests."

Maurel and Ruissen largely agree with each other's arguments despite their different backgrounds. Both focus on the child in their objections to surrogacy. "We must prioritise the child in this discussion," says Ruissen. "With surrogacy, we prioritise the child in a contract," adds Maurel. "We ignore children's rights for the desires of adults."

Momentum

In European politics, surrogacy is on the political agenda, Ruissen says. Last week, the European Parliament adopted a directive banning the exploitation of surrogate mothers. Maurel was present at the vote. “While this is not a condemnation of the practice as such, it is quite an achievement”, she says. “It is a step into the right direction, Ruissen adds. "We have momentum, and we must use it." A group of French parliamentarians did just that on Tuesday when they proposed enshrining the ban on surrogacy in the French constitution.

A politically diverse coalition around a particular issue is not new. In discussions about gender, feminists and conservatives also find common ground. But Ruissen and Maurel see around the topic of surrogacy not only shared ambition but also results. "In the European Parliament, you see people from the extreme left to the extreme right coming together on this issue," says Maurel. "That's why we also try to work with various parties outside our political bubble," Ruissen responds. "It is so important that we work together when it comes to human dignity." That is what it is all about, says Maurel. "It's about more than just surrogacy. Sometimes, we seem to forget, but human dignity is at stake."

Money

"If we as a society start buying and selling children, we are heading in the wrong direction," says Maurel. Photo CNE.news

Maurel knows the consequences of surrogacy like no other: she inherited her mental health issues from her surrogate mother, who is also her biological mother. Additionally, she struggled with the fact that her parents had paid for her; knowing this made talking about it difficult. "It felt like: Olivia, suppress your feelings; they may have spent more than $150,000 to get you," she said earlier to CNE.news.

Still, she stepped forward to share her story. "Our society is heading in the wrong direction and no longer protects the most vulnerable: women and children. I don't want my children to live in such a world," explains the mother of three. However, she pays a price for her openness: "My speech in the Czech Parliament ended the relationship between me and my parents."

Despite these struggles, Maurel has no negative feelings towards her parents. "They just used the means available to them without being aware of the consequences." Maurel also sees that her story does not apply to every child. "I am sure that there are also beautiful surrogacy stories. But such successes do not make the practice more ethical."

Since Maurel began seeking publicity with her story, she has come into contact with other children of surrogate mothers. They often dare not speak out, the activist observes. "Some are still dependent on their parents, and others do not want to be abandoned again. They struggle with a conflict of loyalty."

Contract

Both Maurel and Ruissen focus their arguments on commercial surrogacy. Altruistic surrogacy, in which women carry a child without any financial reward, accounts for a small percentage, about 2 per cent. However, both Maurel and Ruissen oppose this as well. "Even with altruistic surrogacy, you still need a contract," says Maurel. "And you still separate children from their mothers”, Ruissen adds. “That is an ethical boundary we should not cross."

For most people, surrogacy is a distant issue, Maurel acknowledges. However, she believes this does not diminish the importance of discussing it. "Not everyone struggles with reduced fertility or has the money to do this. But if we as a society start buying and selling children, we are heading in the wrong direction. That's why we need to have this debate."