#also what happened at the end was really the hardest truth of their life

[yume127]

Is it just me or does Roxas’ time in Data Twilight Town parallel Ventus’ experience as a Union Leader?

Think about it. On the surface, everything seemed perfect. They had what they always longed for—a group of friends they belong with, and a place where they felt important/loved and that could give them what they always wanted (a sense of normalcy for Roxas, and the opportunity of feeling valuable for Ven).

Some things don’t quite make sense to them (like the glitches in data Twilight Town, and Ven doesn’t understand why he was chosen in the first place) but their friends brush off their worries. They’re there. Of course they belong there. Everything is fine. And, for a short time, they’re happy.

However, it’s only a matter of time before they learn the truth. Old memories resurface, and everything finally makes sense.

It was all a lie.

They don’t belong there. They never did.

And now they’re left to face the hardest truth of their life.

[hecksupremechips]

Honestly though I think it’s really a bad sign when I look at Shin Tsukimi and literally feel like he’s a self insert 😩

[lizpottersworld]

. ۫ ꣑ৎ . NEVER MIND. .

summary: not everything lasts forever, something you hadn’t thought about until your boyfriend decided that for you. (james potter x reader) loml by taylor swift

angst, sad

request/ask here

you and james we’re always a questionable coupling from the beginning. james known to be someone who doesn’t settle, and you, someone who kept to themselves and wasn’t one to talk to anyone but close friends. everyone was shocked when you two started holding hands through the hallways.

that shock soon wore down and the students of hogwarts had become quite accustomed to the occurrence of you two giggling and kissing through the Hogwarts corridors.

everyone called it the honeymoon phase, clueless onlookers james had insisted on calling them. they didn’t know how you two worked, and to some degree you agreed. but then again, that was your first relationship.

before you and james had became a couple you were talking to the only boy who openly showed interest in you, so when james blew in with the winds of fate you immediately took interest. he was the most popular guy in hogwarts. he had said you changed his life, rewritten the way he saw everything, told you you were his everything, the love of his life. called your love legendary.

you never expected it to end the way it did, i mean at first you thought it was normality. so what he would ignore you at some parties? he was just busy. okay, and he complained about you being clingy to his friends? it was just a joke.

what you thought was for all time was secondary. i mean he told you you were the love of his life. the only love he couldn’t fathom as he explained it, over and over he would call it.

as more time went on, you left hogwarts, moved into together and he was rarely ever home. always at work. but when he came home with a sweet perfume that you recognised not to be yours, a faint rubbed red tint around his lips that you knew you didn’t give him, it all clicked.

all these dinner table talks about marriage and children, it was all empty promises. when he said he wasn’t ready. don’t worry it takes time james is what you would always say. but you were the love of his life, so why wouldn’t it happen eventually.

never before had you felt this pain, i mean its not every day you have an inkling your first boyfriends cheating on you. ill never leave he repeatedly told you as you laid broken in your bed, the bed he had undoubtedly dreamt about another women in. never mind you told yourself as he walked in the door with a lipstick mark on his neck hardly covered by a new scarf the day after your parents had passed.

truthly your love for him never was quite buried, you still stayed for a few months after. no one told you about his affair, even if your mutual friends were completely aware of it, no truth just more lies. all you felt was second hand embarrassment, they knew you knew and yet you stayed.

the idea of heaven and this beautiful love he had teased you with, only for it to turn out to be anyones idea of hell.

but how were you to call him a coward? you also cowardly let it happen, stood and watched him walk all over your heart. combing through all the braids of lies that you willingly let him feed you.

and to mourn someone who had never really been there was the hardest, especially when you finally had the courage to leave. emotionally he never really was present in your relationship, always lingering on another women rather than the extraordinary girl he had waiting for him at home. yet, it was over so suddenly. he didn’t seem to care, he didn’t mourn.

in your mind, sure you felt lonely but at least you weren’t alone anymore. it was legendary. it was momentarily. it was unnecessary.

yet, he was still the loss of your life.

[racinggirl]

furthest from truth

Lando Norris fic - requested

My inbox for requests

a/n: I'm baaack! It's been a while, I have to admit. But after having 3 new requests today, I got motivated again and I decided to write the ones that were yet to be posted on my page. I hope you like it! I've added some spice to the end of the chapter 👀 Don't forget to follow me so you won't miss my other stories! 🫶🏼

Sun. Beach. Sand. Friends.

It might look cliché, but it’s what filled your hearts with joy.

‘’Norris! Give me a hand, will ya?’’ Your lips pulled away from those of your boyfriend the moment he got up to help one of your friends with preparing the jet skis.  

‘’Finally,’’ your best friend, Ava, laughed as she took a seat next to you. ‘’Now that your lips are no longer glued to his, what do you think of grabbing a drink, I’m in a desperate need for a Frozen Daiquiri.’’

She pulled you up on your feet after you agreed on getting drinks. It was your holiday, after all, and even though it was just your first day of the 3-week holiday here in Dubai, you were planning on making it the best holiday yet.

You and Lando had been together for a little over 5 months now, the two of you bumping into each other at last year’s Christmas Market in London. You spilled your bottle of water over your shirt, and he was determined to win you a teddy bear so he could make it up to you.

After that Christmas Market, you went on a ton of dates. In London, but also in Monaco, as that was where he lived. You attended 3 races before he finally asked you to be his last summer, and obviously you said yes, otherwise this story is kind of weird, isn’t it?

Anyways, you knew who he was when you met him, having watched a few races here and there, along with your friends.

The moment you told your friends Lando had asked you out on a date, they couldn’t contain their excitement and practically forced you to go out with him. So, you did. And here we are, almost a year later.

‘’Two Frozen Strawberry Daiquiri, please.’’ Ava ordered the drinks for the two of you and once you felt the cold glass in your hand, you immediately took a sip.

‘’Urgh,’’ you groaned, your eyes closed. ‘’Best drink ever.’’ You giggled.

‘’Lando! Oh my god watch out!’’ Your grip on his life jacket was tight as he was riding the jet ski with you on the back. ‘’You idiot!’’ You laughed, hands gripping his shoulders firmly when you felt him go even faster – if that was even possible.

‘’You’re riding a jet ski with an F1 driver, love. Did you really think I was gonna go slow?’’ You groaned at his reply, and you simply held onto him like you could fall off any moment, which was probably the case.

Everything sport related was a game to him, and he was very, very competitive. He hated losing, which is why he tried his hardest to make you his, with success.

‘’Okay, okay, enough speed for me, let’s go back to the shore and have dinner, I’m starving.’’ You breathe, Lando’s hand moving over your leg slowly. He lifted his hand till it rested on your outer thigh, whilst still steering the jet ski with one hand. Slower, though, thankfully.

‘’We will, love, we will.’’ He said, but you could hear the amusement in his voice, his tone, teasingly with a smirk.

‘’Lan-…’’ You couldn’t even finish your sentence before your boyfriend pulled the right handle towards him, the two of you flying over the water. He made sure to keep an eye on you, but he knew you enjoyed this, and he wasn’t wrong.

You might tell him to stop going fast, heck, even in the bedroom you’d tell him to stop, but it was always with that flirty and teasing tone. He knew that tone, and he knew it meant you did not want him to, in fact, stop. So, he kept going.

‘’I should have thought better before signing that contract about us.’’

You were fully drenched, Lando obviously pushing the strings too hard which caused you to fall off the jet ski. Nothing harsh, it was all playful, and the two of you were laughing when it happened.

‘’You’re an idiot.’’ You smirked, rolling your eyes playfully as you squeezed the salty water out of your hair.

‘’I know, but you like it.’’ He teased, slapping your ass lightly as his hand moved its way towards your hip, his lips pressing a gentle kiss to your temple. ‘’I love you.’’

Dinner, which was absolutely insane – mostly because you were starving, but definitely because it was one of the best restaurants here in Dubai.

‘’Ehm..’’ Ava shoved you her phone, and you immediately let your eyes wander over the tweets, the Instagram posts, and the articles.

Lando saw the worried look on your face, so he cut off the conversation with his friends and pointed his attention to you, causing his friends to do the same.

‘’What’s wrong, love?’’ He asked, his thumb drawing small circles on your knee as his gaze went from you to the phone, back to you.

You showed him the articles, and a heavy sigh escaped his lips. You could see his jaw clench, the apple in his throat bobbing as he swallowed thickly. ‘’They really need to make rumours about everything, don’t they?’’ He sighed and pressed a kiss to your temple.

‘’Don’t worry, Y/N, I’ll fix it, we’ll post a statement on Insta, alright?’’ He said, his arms wrapping around you which caused you to relax.

You felt guilty, because you were aware of the eyes that were on him now that his contract with McLaren was coming to an end. You knew his contract was getting renewed, but the world didn’t, and you didn’t want to cause issues.

People blaming McLaren for not renewing his contract, and how this. People blaming McLaren for forcing Lando to be in a relationship with you, a PR relationship, which was the furthest from the truth. You loved each other so much, and McLaren had absolutely nothing to do with the two of you.

‘’Come here.’’ Lando’s arms made his way around your shoulders, his strong arms pulling you even closer to his chest. The bed was comfy, soft, but the tension in your face was apparent, especially to Lando.

‘’I just, I feel so stupid for saying that.’’ You sighed but Lando reassured you immediately.

‘’Babe, it’s not the first time we say this, it’s our joke, and people don’t get it, apparently. You know how the media is, they exaggerate everything to get those views and clicks, so they probably overheard you saying that, but did not see the look on your face, or your beautiful smile when you said that.’’ His voice was soft and calm, like he was not stressed at all about this.

‘’But the image McLa-..’’

‘’No, baby, no. That’s not your fault, okay? They should have probably announced the contract extension sooner, yeah, but that has absolutely nothing to do with whatever you said at the beach, okay?’’ He said, stern, but gentle. And you believed him. Of course you did, you believed everything he would tell you because you knew he was right.

‘’Now let’s make that post so people will stop complaining about things that are the furthest from the truth. That, and so I can take you tonight because I really, really want to.’’ He whispered the last thing with a voice so deep, you felt chills all over your body.

landonorris added to his story

landonorris & yourusername

liked by user1, user2, user3 and 1,273,710 others

I love you more than anyone imagine. Nothing can stop us, I promise you. Best decision I've ever made 🧡

view all 39,264 comments

user1 I feel ashamed

user5 as you should user3 we all should. how could we think it was just a PR. they are in love in love.

user2 You are so so so cute together!

‘’Lando, fuck, stop!’’ You breathe, hands pushing against his chest as he looked into your eyes, his bright ones a few shades darker than usually. He smirked, wetted his lips before thrusting even harder… Just how you asked.

[girl4music]

Lucy and Renee are right. You're either looking through the eyes of one or the other of them when you watch the show. I am always looking through Xena's eyes. So as much as it may have frustrated me that Xena could never let Gabrielle live up to her full potential as a warrior, I completely understood why because her motivations for doing this were written and portrayed extremely well. The truth was Xena was terrified. There is not much that can scare the Warrior Princess but she was scared stiff of the inevitability that Gabrielle would end up like her. That she would come to know the pain and the heaviness of dealing with war. Of becoming a battle-hardened warrior. She knew she couldn't stop it from happening but she tried her hardest to avoid or prevent it even if it meant stifling Gabrielle's capabilities and all that she had to offer towards the Greater Good.

It was more than just wanting to protect her. She wanted to save her from the life that she had lived up until the point of meeting her and the only way she knew how to do that would be to delay her growth. But what was most fascinating was how much Gabrielle resisted that objective. How much she stuck up for herself and defended her right to be treated as an equal partner in fighting the good fight against evil. That's what makes Gabrielle such an appealing character. It's because she refused to let the love of her life restrict and limit her from what she knew in her heart was the truth of who she really was. She was a true warrior. That didn't always mean she was or had to be a physical warrior. But because her true way was to protect and defend, then it was always right for her to become exactly that and that Xena would just have to accept the consequences because if she truly loved her - if she was truly in love with Gabrielle - then she also knew that that was just how it had to be as well no matter how much she may have feared what that might do to her beloved bard because there is nothing romantic about controlling that narrative. The narrative that makes 'Xena: Warrior Princess' so much more worth watching than it would be if the character of Gabrielle didn't have her own individual journey to go on and evolve from alongside Xena's.

The show is a love story all throughout and Xena and Gabrielle's all-encompassing and ever-evolving loving relationship is a fundamental element to just how strong and substantial the show writing is. But it really wouldn't be that way if these characters didn't have their own respective individual lead main character stories and they didn't have to figure out how to navigate their lives and their love around them.

They were both about protecting the other and I think it was really important to show how that can be unhealthy as well as healthy and that keeping each other safe means that sacrifices had to be made and that they disagreed with each other frequently because of that. It was a very significant point of conflict in their relationship that had to be carefully written so as not to seem incongruous with all the other stories and narratives going on in the show. The writers knew how to write the drama between them as naturally and organically as possible so it never comes off as some soap opera where there has to be The Drama for the sake of having drama. No, the drama was very much tied into their characterization and when you have lead multi-dimensional characters, that characterization will be wavy and fluctuate because real life human beings are wavy and do fluctuate.

It might be frustrating to see it but it's important for you to see that relationships of real authentic love are hard work and will always be.

But it's as I keep saying... This show is a fantasy show only in its environment and storytelling. Its characters and themes are real.

And there is nothing realer than Xena and Gabrielle's relationship.

[miss0atae]

Random Thoughts about Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo (EP 7 - 8) :

I think the hardest part when you review a series is when you have to write something about the end. I usually avoid writing about the end of a series because I never really know where to start and how to finish it. I guess, it's also because it is usually hard for me to let go of a universe and characters I discovered and liked. I don't like saying goodbye. This series has been a very eventful ride. Do Hoe and Ju Yeong didn't have an easy life and they tried very hard to make it, but things weren't going as smoothly as it should be. I have to admit, after episode 5 and 6, I thought they would never make it. It seems so complicated for them to have a happy ending and I'm surprised, but happy by how they made it anyway. I said it before, but I really had difficulties to follow the story on the last two previous episodes. This feeling stayed during episode 7, but episode 8 was better and easier to follow. I guess, it's because we finally knew everything of what happened in the past and how it led the characters where they were in the present. It's a story about how violence and abuse can be so damaging on your life and impact a lot of your actions. It was a very sad story for the most part. It was deeply emotional for me and I felt very down after watching the episodes because I felt so much for the characters and I wished I could find a way for them to be happy. I was afraid the story would end badly, but I'm deeply grateful the story offered us a happy ending.

Like most viewers had guessed, Do Hoe lied and forged his diploma and when he tried to help his abused student, the mother of the child who went to the same school he was supposed to have graduated from, found out about the truth. Do Hoe had tried for a long time to make people forget about his past and to make them impressed by his success. He was very afraid of being like his father and failing to accomplish something. He was living an illusion because through this illusion he felt like he escaped his past. However, it didn't free him for the chains of the past. I think it wasn't that easy to live in this illusion anyway. How hurtful it must have been to keep failing the college entrance exams. We saw how Do Hoe pride himself about how he was doing his best to study. He wanted to graduate from this “Hasoul University” because it's the top university and graduating from this school would bring him the admiration of others. Do Hoe wanted to be more than the son of a violent father who failed. I don't think he ever really liked lying or pretending he really had this exams. That's why he kept hiding from Ju Yeong. The problem is that Do Hoe was suffering from transgenerational trauma. He was afraid of repeating the same patterns and attitudes of his father. His curse was this trauma he inherited from his father.

I think the story didn't really answer the questions about how to break the cycle of transgenerational trauma (it would have taken more than 8 episodes), but they made a good statement by the end of episode 7: to be able to move on, you need to heal from this first. I guess that's what happened when Do Hoe and Ju Yeong came back to the taekwondo school of Do Hoe's father and break or burn things from over there. It was the step to write down the beginning of their healing journey. From this point, they could start again. They learned to forgive themselves from whatever thoughts they had about being responsible. Do Hoe needed to have his redemption. Yes, people learned about his lies and his probation means he got another chance. It was truly amazing to see him get this new chance of becoming who he really wants to be without the burden of his past. I'm glad Ju Yeong was around him and encouraging him to grasp this new chance to the fullest. Being able to start anew and knowing you are loved can make you do many things. I think that's what Do Hoe feels. It was very cute and charming to see him and Ju Yeong being happy and enjoying this little domestic life together. They both deserve it. I'm just a little sad we didn't get to see them more in this happy place, but the story was not only about their love, but more about how to break the trauma from the previous generation. The love story was just the cherry on top.

In some way, I'm pretty impressed by Ju Yeong's resilience. He also ha a very complicated life and the way he dealt with his own trauma was pretty different from Do Hoe. He wasn't loved that much by his family, he also was abused and beaten by Do Hoe's father and in the end he tried hard finding Do Hoe and being with him. I sometimes feel the story didn't give him enough time to show his own response and healing from this past. I guess, it's because it's so linked to Do Hoe's own trauma that if one of them start to be free from it, the other one would follow too. Ju Yeong's love for Do Hoe is truly something endearing to watch. Around him, Do Hoe is able to be happy and to express himself more. He was always someone quite reserved, but when Do Hoe is with Ju Yeong, he cries, laugh, and stop holding himself. It was always Ju Yeong for Do Hoe. He admitted it himself, if he had been successful, he would have tried to find Ju Yeong. However, before he wasn't happy or successful the way he wanted so he kept avoiding him (at least until his dad's death). It was pointless because Ju Yeong doesn't care about this. He cares about Do Hoe being well and he wants to help him achieve his dreams. That's what matters to Ju Yeong. I really liked this character. Ju Yeong's healing journey started when he met Do Hoe's again. It was his own way of rebound from adversity as a strengthened and more resourceful person. When they were separated, he was just this guy who cried when seeing the snow, but after he was the one who helped Do Hoe stop his “curse”.

I also want to add something about Hyeon Ho. Again, I feel like the story didn't give us enough things about him. We know he used to bully Do Hoe and as the viewers we guess that it's because he rejected, at first, his attraction to him. Then, for 10 years he stayed around Do Hoe and he tried to be more than a friend to him, unsuccessfully. He knew about the truth of the falsification of his certification and he tried to help him. He didn't do well all the time, and it's easy to not like him for his past behavior towards Do Hoe. I think he regretted his actions. I felt bad for him because I feel he truly loved Do Hoe, but he was unable to understand him and to get past the mask he was wearing. Hyeon Ho never got to see parts of Do Hoe, even if he stayed around him for such a long time. It must hurt, especially if you have feelings for someone. I wish we saw him get to have someone to care for him in the end. We just have to hope after this phone call with Do Hoe that he tried to find his own happiness with someone else. He did try caring for Do Hoe. It didn't help him break from his trauma, but he was there nonetheless. It's true that Do Hoe never gave him his tears or his laugh. He was always so reserved around him, even after all these years. I think the last episode really made me see Heyon Ho in a different way. It was interesting.

In this end what did I think about "Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo"? It was a compelling story, sometimes confusing and I wish they had more time to really answer the few questions I had or the scenes I wanted to see. This story was really more about resilience, freeing someone from trauma than it was a love story. It's not a bad thing, but it wasn't exactly what I thought it would be. I think it's a must-watch and I will never watch it again. It's the type of story, I can only watch once. The happy ending is pleasant and I'm glad the main characters got it. I really wanted them to have one. I would not say it will be part of my favorite series I watched this year because it wasn't easy to watch. Korean BL usually have a bittersweet taste for me and it's not really the taste I'm looking for. I liked all the reviews I read about them and it was nice to talk about it with some of you here.

Thanks again for reading my own review. It was a great ride with all of you too.

[rootsofdread]

o-oh, i love me some new X reader blogs!! i really liked your first post and very excited for all the new content <3

could i request Doctor, Ghostface, Julie (or any other Legion member of your liking) and Wesker with a survivor, who is a god looper and treats trials more lika a friendly competition than.. whatever they are for everyone else? like they would full-on run the killer until the gates are open, leave their item and say they r already looking forward for the next trial together 🏃🏃. bonus points, if they also compliment both successful and unsuccessful mindgames mid-chase :D

thank you!! i'll be very happy to provide new content! also this was a funny request to fill out cause i myself have looped a wesker for two gens, so you can say i wrote from experience. but that wesker wasn't as friendly hehe <33

Herman Carter / The Doctor:

Without a doubt, Herman is confused by your behavior. He's never seen a survivor behave like you -- skillfully running him around and laughing while you do it, giving him a friendly goodbye at the gates after every trial and leaving your items for him. It's perplexing. He'd feel the need to study you, figure out why and how your brain ticks in this kind of way. But he knows he'll have to catch you first.

He takes every chase as a chance to study you as best as he can from a distance: where you decide to go, how you decide to trick him, what you think he'll do to counter him. Chances are he has a few pages of a notebook dedicated to whatever the hell it is that you're doing.

He enjoys the opportunity to run another real experiment, he doesn't get many chances in the realm. He'll do any number of things during chases to see how you'll react and what you do to compensate for it, and will be quietly impressed when you successfully mindgame him.

And when you unsuccessfully mindgame him, instead of hauling you to a hook, he'll take a moment to have you cornered and more closely inspect you. Half-intimidation tactic, half-studying you. He must know your secrets.

In truth, Herman may never understand why you see the trials as more friendly competition rather than a fight for your life…But he does find you fun to study. He'll keep you around.

Danny Johnson / The Ghostface:

Danny is very much a can of worms. You never really know what'll happen when someone does something out of the ordinary around him. But as he's chasing you and realizes you're running him around for fun, so your teammates can complete gens, he honestly enjoys it. Something new and exciting. He may be unpredictible, but he enjoys a good bit of fun.

He's immediately playing along with you, happily chasing you around pallets and vaults, even hiding around corners or in bushes or underneath windows waiting to scare or grab you when you round/jump them. You're the most fun he's had since coming to the realm, most likely.

He won't hurt you when you accidentally smack right into him; he prefers giving you a chance to correct your mistake and keep the little game going. He's having fun and doesn't want to end it so rudely.

When you mindgame him successfully, though, you may be able to hear him giggling a little bit before running after you again. He may be having a little too much fun. Any other survivors who happen to witness this will be utterly confused.

He's always so happy to wish you goodbye and tell you he's looking forward to your next trial too. He counts the days until he happens upon you while stalking around again.

Julie Kostenko / The Legion:

Julie is insanely pissed at first. She enjoys a good chase, but not like this. She almost hates that you're having fun and are so carefree during trials - it's not supposed to be fun for anyone but her! She gets the worst tunnel vision whenever you're in a trial together, she sees red every time she gets you in a chase and has to get you on a hook.

She's like this for a while about it, trying her hardest to out-mindgame you and get you down and on a hook. She's quiet when she does; she's not really one for rubbing her victories into people's faces. But she's proud.

She gets over it, eventually. She starts seeing it more of the same way you do: a little friendly competition, at least between the two of you. She starts having more fun chasing you around, and stops caring whether she wins or loses -- she just enjoys having another person to run around having fun with.

When you successfully mindgame her, she laughs about it. It helps her feel like the superior one, whether you're doing it on purpose or not, and she loves that.

She does especially love your little goodbyes and gifts at the gates. She always accepts your items and takes them back with her, and may even use them in personal projects. She feels touched having a new person who likes her so much. It absolutely warms her cold, murderous heart.

Albert Wesker / The Mastermind:

You know Wesker, he loves his games, and he's delighted to have a survivor who sees the trials the same way he does; as a game. He may be one of the few, if not the only, killer who would get a kick out of a survivor like you. He genuinely has fun in trials with you.

He gets so caught up trying to catch you he often will completely lose trials to you, but he doesn't even get frustrated. He just knows he has to try harder to be able to catch you, because it'll be that much sweeter the next time he does get you.

He's always trying to out-mindgame you at pallets and vault locations, and almost every time he thinks he's finally gotten your patterns down, you surprise him. He finds you a very interesting and entertaining specimen.

When the two of you are closer, he'll compliment your technique when you impress him like that. He's rarely impressed and he thinks you should know when you do it.

…But when he manages to outsmart you, he gets quite smug about it. He may rub it in your face a bit as he carries you to a hook, but it's all in good fun, he's just like that.

He does enjoy your little goodbyes at the gates, and always tells you he's looking forward to your next trial, too. He may even give you a little wave with his ouroboros, if the other survivors left before you.

[cheegu3]

Enhypen - the glory (Part 7)

summary; after rejecting one of the most popular boys at your new school, you soon realised that you'd done the gravest mistake of your life; these weren't ordinary boys, and now they were set on making your life a living hell - heavily based on the kdrama with the same name

warnings; yandere themes, swearing, mentions of wounds, bullying, inaccurate descriptions of police work,

genre; yandere

wc; 4.7k

pairing; enha x f.m reader

note; I’ve been really busy so this isn’t my best chapter, pls keep this in mind 😭 I have the whole ending and everything planned out but it’s moving really slowly, a lot of repeating here and less plot driven?? In the future I want to try and update more often and if I can’t do that then I want to give longer chapters, but don't kill me bc it's not very exiting it will hopefully get better :c

masterlist

Your feelings of horror caused your voice to come out like a trembling whisper.

‘’ Who is watching you? ‘’

Soobin grew more erratic. His eyes almost bulged out of his head and his breathing sped up. Despite this, he tried his hardest to keep his gaze away from the one standing in the shadows. The person watching couldn’t under any circumstances, know that Soobin was about to tell you another secret he’d been keeping from you.

‘’ Ni-ki. It changes, but he’s the one they tell to follow me the most. I think it’s because of his background as a fighter, oh god- what would he do to me if…’’ Soobin rambled on to himself.

‘’ Soobin! I need you to calm down and tell me before he gets suspicious that you’re halfway out the door. ‘’

You felt like bile was rising up your throat and your hands felt clammy with anxiety. However, you knew that you had to be brave and order him around; who knows what they might do if the both of you get caught.

Soobin let out another shaky breath while raising his head to look at you. The crease on his forehead softened and he nodded promptly, realizing the urgency you were trying to convey.

‘’ There’s another secret I’ve been keeping from you. ‘’

‘’ Be quick, ‘’ you hissed.

‘’ Ever since that day when your dad saw us, they’ve been following me around and asking me to update on you and what you’re doing. ‘’

‘’ Why would you do that? ‘’

‘’ It’s fine, really, ‘’ he assured you. ‘’ I haven’t been telling them the whole truth of course, they don’t know about the revenge plans. But they followed us to the rooftop…the hospital and presumably my house too. ‘’

You sighed and the scowl returned to your face.

‘’ They didn’t just threaten to fire my dad. They also said that they would hurt you, y/n. ‘’

‘’ Don’t worry about me Soobin. You know they wouldn’t actually hurt me that bad. As long as they didn’t threaten to hurt you, it should be fine right? Don’t give them what they want. ‘’

‘’ It’s not that easy. ‘’ he tilted his head, ‘’ Why are you different? ‘’

It was easy to tell that he meant well, he just didn’t know how to word his concerns but it still felt like a personal attack.

‘’ What do you mean? ‘’ you spat back rather aggressively. 

‘’ You are almost never worried anymore, you have an almost careless attitude. Have you given up? ‘’

Your angry scowl disappeared, the eyebrows sunk as well as the corners of your lips.

‘’ I feel…I don’t know- ‘’ you sighed.

‘’ Anxiety? Worry? Urgency? ‘’

‘’ All of them. ‘’

‘’ I’m here for you. You can always talk to me, and you know that. ‘’

‘’ I know. It’s just hard. I’ve never had someone like that before, I’m used to dealing with everything myself. ‘’

‘’ As long as you’re trying, it’s okay, ‘’ he smiled fondly and you returned it.

Then you both thought of Ni-ki watching you at around the same time so the smiles disappeared almost as fast as they came.

‘’ What do we do about them following you? ‘’

‘’ I will keep you updated by text. ‘’ 

‘’ What if they go through your phone? ‘’

He stilled.

‘’ I will try my best to never make that happen, ‘’ his words came out more as a question, showing his uncertainty. But you had no other suggestions, so you just waved him off.

‘’ See you tomorrow. ‘’

‘’ Bye. ‘’

When he closed the door and walked away, the urge to turn your head and look at Ni-ki almost won over the persistent side of you. The car was started instead and you hurried to drive home, not wanting to sit in the silence with the pair of eyes watching you.

On the way home a thought popped into your head. Many others did as well, however, one in particular stuck and you kept thinking about it for the last few minutes of the drive. 

If they were watching Soobin, were they watching you too?

*******

During the morning of the next day, Soobin texted you. It was a normal text, but for some reason, you felt a bit jumpy whenever your phone pinged and lit up with the text - new message.

It could either be from them, which was undeniably worse, or Soobin, who often texted you about them so it still made your heart beat faster. Escaping them had become pretty much impossible now; they were at school, in your phone, outside of school and near your home, in Soobin’s texts and their names had even been in your parents’ mouths too. Like parasites, they infested every part of your life when you foolishly thought it would only stay at school.

The worst part was how quickly it all escalated. Knowing they had seen you with Soobin, you guessed it was because of that. Still, you wondered why they didn’t bully him into stopping hanging out with you like they had with everyone else. Why did they want to go one step further with Soobin? Did they make this whole elaborate plan to make you never upset them or talk to anyone again, was it a game that brought them satisfaction or was there something else they were trying to do?

7:36 am

You: When did Ni-ki come to the parking lot yesterday?

Another thing that popped into your mind when you got paranoid about them following you too was that Ni-ki had seen you meet with Yena. If he did, all plans to use her would go out the window. However, even if he didn’t see you two you needed to be careful next time in case they would start to follow you. You had no idea how to meet her discreetly.

Cousin: I think when I did, I saw a car following me on the way

You: What if they’re following me too?

Cousin: It’s possible if they’ve split up

You: Oh no…

You: They could all spread out between everyone in my life, I don’t want my parents to be hurt

Cousin: I’m sure they won’t. They don’t have that much time on their hands anyway. But if you’re worried, don’t meet me at school so they have no idea that you know about them following me. 

Cousin: You can text Yeonjun instead of me today. I’ll delete our conversation in case they go through my phone.

You: Yeonjun? He wants nothing to do with me

Cousin: I overheard what he said when you visited and I scolded him, he got grumpy of course but agreed to help if we fucked up

He sent Yeonjun’s number in the chat and you added it to your phone, naming him ‘’ grumpy cat ‘’.

Cousin: See you at school, stranger :)

You rolled your eyes and started getting ready for school. Several times on the way down the stairs, you checked your bag to ensure you hadn’t accidentally left a post-it note in there or anything else they could grab.

The school was pretty busy when you arrived, close to when the bell would ring. Many students surrounded you on all sides which you were a bit grateful for because you couldn’t see any of your bullies.

Inside the classroom, you spotted Soobin though. A small smile played on your lips, but you quickly caught yourself and let it fade meanwhile your eyes darted to the corner where they always sat.

They were there, all hunched over their desks like usual and busy talking, which thankfully meant they hadn’t seen you. You wanted to keep it that way for as long as possible so you snuck to the back where your chair waited for you, and sat down quietly. 

In your peripheral vision, Soobin was moving around a lot. You assumed he was restless and had to stop himself from talking to you in front of the guys. He was forced to stay still not long after, when the teacher entered the classroom.

The sound of her voice quickly disappeared into the background as you daydreamed about lunch. You hoped that they would just let you be today, no punishments or bothering you like the first day you and Soobin ate.

*******

When the bell rang and the much-needed lunch break after the double lessons but also dreaded time came, you almost sprinted out first out of the classroom. They didn’t have the chance to get out before you and wait outside, not that you were sure that was on their minds; they seemed a lot more disinterested in you and focused on other things, even at school.

The phone in your pocket had vibrated a long time ago and you had spent the last ten minutes of the lesson unfocused, waiting for the bell to ring so you could see who had texted you.

Soobin looked after you as you left, a sad frown on his face due to him not being able to follow you. He had to push down the curiosity that washed over him, almost taking over the logical side and making him follow you anyway.

Far down the hallway, your head whipped in all directions to see where you could hide for a moment. The classrooms that were full soon emptied out and students poured into the hall where you were, giving you some shielding from the guys if they were looking for you.

Eventually, you spotted the girls’ bathroom and went in, closing yourself inside a stall and bringing the phone out.

12:06 pm

Y: New photos attached

Your eyebrows rose in surprise. It was Yena, she already had photos? Your thumb hesitated to click them, scared that you’d see something that would be hard to pretend you didn’t know of later. But, you pressed it anyway, quite suddenly before you kept hesitating.

The display flickered in the dark bathroom as the photos loaded in. It was hard to make out what was going on in them at first. They were quite dark, grainy and blurry, probably due to Yena being far away so they wouldn’t spot her.

Then the more you stared at it, the more clarity you felt you got. One of the photos featured two figures, it looked like it was Soobin’s dad and Jay’s dad. Under it, Yena had written context - 01:18 outside CN building.

CN? You recognized the name. A quick google search told you it was a huge company that had many smaller ones they were affiliated with. They had articles containing collaborations with a police station, schools, a courthouse and sponsored politicians. You scrolled down all the way on the wikipedia page - the CEO was Jay’s dad. You weren’t sure why, but it made you feel a bit sick.

This was one of the biggest companies in the country. They controlled so many small ones that they were almost taking over the economy as a whole. The scale of which you had estimated things to be, was so far off you almost felt dizzy. With so many supporting them and backing them, it felt like a given that there was corruption involved. That would almost certainly be the case for the upcoming election when Jay’s dad was running for mayor again.

However, that wasn’t the only reason you felt sick. You had a feeling that the loopholes this ultrarich person was allowed because of his power, had a high chance of extending to his son as well, maybe even their employees and their families which could be the other guys too.

You needed to find proof of their employment, and hopefully, Yeonjun could hack into their files. But given that they were a very rich and high-profile company, hacking into their system would be pretty impossible. You had no idea what plan B could be, infiltrating them, threatening them…giving up?

So, they could get away with anything, even murder and it would likely be swept under the rug. The victims like you, never got their justice and would be advised not to take them to court. That felt terrifying.

How the hell were you supposed to take down a whole empire like that? You were just a high school student.

Your head hit the wall behind you as you sighed deeply. The feelings of hopelessness and defeat had come back yet again. This was so much bigger than you could’ve ever imagined. With the company backing them all up and cleaning up all of their messes, they pretty much had an impenetrable defense.

Despite these recurring feelings, you still quickly scanned over the other three photos. The next one had one of the guys in it, Sunghoon with his dad. As you had suspected, he was the one Sunoo talked about who often went to illegal fights and gambled with his dad. 

Normally you’d be ecstatic you had found something like this, but knowing what you knew now from the first picture it felt useless. That three-year prison sentence would be reduced to probation if you were lucky. They’d get their best, dirtiest lawyers from the company, and the only thing to come out of it would be you having to watch your back from then on. 

Your eyes went to the next one. It featured Jungwon and Jay leaving a police station. Under it, it read - 10 pm, at the police station. Why were they there? Especially so late, and only the two of them.

You licked your lips as you thought for a moment. It was still until you came up with the idea to ask Yeonjun. You asked him if he could hack into police files, needing to see why they were there.

Since he didn’t answer you moved on to the other ones. One was really close, showing all seven of them spread out on the couch at Jungwon’s house, just talking and hanging out. Then the last one was Ni-ki, Jake, and Heeseung leaving the hospital with a girl. You squinted and pressed the photo very close to your face; it was the girl from your school, the one you had seen them visit.

For a moment, you had forgotten about her. Now you gasped and realized you needed to find out more about her. Why was she there, why did she have those same wounds as you did and was she working with them? Also, why had your bullies never mentioned her…

A loud knock made you jump. ‘’ Are you done soon? ‘’

You relaxed, it was just some random girl who wanted to use the bathroom. You feared the worst for a second - that they had ignored all rules, because well, they didn’t really apply to them, and had just barged into the girls’ bathroom.

‘’ I’ll be out in a second, ‘’ you shouted back.

The person waiting outside had to step back when you pushed the door open. You raised your head to look at them before getting out of the way and froze mid-step.

‘’ Jiyun, right? ‘’

She also halted her movements, her fingers that were curled around the stall’s door dug into the green metal rather aggressively. 

‘’ Yeah, y/n? ‘’ she answered, only turning her head a bit to the side so she could glance back at you.

It was the girl from the hospital. Her name had been at the tip of your tongue then, but it seemed you hadn’t remembered it fully until now when the stars had aligned and made you two meet just after you thought of her. Maybe she could give you some answers now.

‘’ Do you have time to talk? ‘’

‘’ Does it look like I do? ‘’

Without thinking you reached out your hand and grabbed her wrist when she tried to get into the cubicle again. 

‘’ What the fuck are you doing? ‘’

She tried flinging her arms to shake you off, but you were more determined and the grip only became tighter. You yanked her back and despite her resisting and trying her best to hold onto the door, you managed to throw her back on the third try. A cry broke from her lips.

Then you released your grip, because you didn’t want her to be scared or think you had bad intentions. Instead of standing close to her or holding her, you opted for standing between the cubicle and her, angling towards the door as well in case she’d try to make a run for it.

‘’ Those guys have hurt me too, ‘’ you rolled up your sleeves, showing the wounds that had now started to heal.

She didn’t flinch like everyone else did. She just stared at it, an unreadable expression flashed across her face and her eyes flickered.

‘’ I know. ‘’

‘’ You…know? ‘’ you breathed out, ‘’ Have they told you about me? ‘’

She hesitated so you hurried to speak up before she had made her mind up, ‘’ Are they bullying you? ‘’

Her mouth opened and then closed again. You two stood in silence; you waiting for her to speak, and her hesitating and rethinking what she was going to say over and over.

‘’ It’s complicated, ‘’ she ended up mumbling after your patience was starting to run out.

‘’ How is it complicated? ‘’ you stepped closer, trying to look compassionate but also feeling like you needed to be quick.

‘’ You can talk to me, we’re in the same boat! We might be able to help each other. ‘’

Her demeanor switched. The corners of her mouth twitched upwards, in a sarcastic smile, perfectly fitting the darkness that had filled her glossy and anxious eyes she’d had just a second ago.

‘’ Help? ‘’ she let out a small high-pitched laugh, ‘’ There’s no one that can help us, y/n. Haven’t you realized that yet? ‘’

Now it was your turn to be quiet. You felt baffled at this unexpected side of her. It couldn’t have been long since they started hurting her, you couldn’t imagine the amount of pain they must’ve put her through for her to break so soon. Your heart ached for her, but there was something in her dead eyes that told you there was no saving her - she had given up a long time ago.

‘’ Why did they visit you in the hospital? ‘’

‘’ You know them as well as I do. Because they’re sadistic assholes, they came there to cherish the pain that their very own hands had caused. ‘’

You weren’t sure what to say. Letting the silence follow people’s words often lead to them revealing more information, you knew this from past experiences. It seemed you were spot on, as she continued not long after, her bitter voice echoing in the bathroom.

‘’ They were smiling from ear to ear the whole time, ‘’ she scoffed and bit her lip as she looked away, letting some vulnerability shine through now.

‘’ I’m sorry. ‘’

She didn’t answer.

‘’ Are they forcing you to do things? ‘’

‘’ Of course they are. I guess in a way, I wasn’t as lucky as you were. They’re not in love with me, I’m just their punching bag. ‘’

‘’ Lucky? ‘’ you mumbled, furrowing your eyebrows.

‘’ Yes, lucky. The others get twice as much pain as you do, many of the guys can’t stand to see their princess hurt, and you know that. They would do anything for you- even kill. If I were you I’d use that. ‘’

‘’ I don’t know how to. ‘’

‘’ Well, I hope you do soon enough. Because they’re using me to get to you, so there’s not much I can do to help you since they keep me on a leash. I have about- ‘’ she glanced down at the clock around her wrist, ‘’ Ten more minutes before they barge in here, asking why I’m taking so long. ‘’

‘’ What are they making you do? ‘’ you felt confused, and slight panic started building up inside.

‘’ You’ll see soon enough. Just know I’m sorry in advance. I didn’t have a choice. ‘’

You whipped around to ask for more questions but she was already halfway to the door. She didn’t give you a chance to speak, hurrying to exit without looking back. When the door was about to close you heard a male voice that you recognized, Heeseung had been waiting outside just like she said they would.

A few more minutes passed. You felt that it was smartest to wait in case they knew you were inside and waited for you as well. When about five minutes had passed and you heard no voices from the hallway outside, you carefully pressed down the door handle and creaked it open, as if the slightest noise would make them come running.

But they didn’t need to, they were already there. As soon as you stepped out fully and closed the door, you were grabbed from behind. A large hand came up to cover your mouth, muffling the screams of protest, but your eyes were left untouched. Wriggling in the arms of the person holding you back, you managed to turn your head. 

The sight of Ni-ki, Sunghoon, Sunoo, and Jake greeted you, all smiling widely; the fact that Jungwon and Heeseung the two scariest ones, weren’t there felt a bit unnerving but you had no idea why. 

Then quite suddenly you were freed; the hands around you let go, causing you to stumble forward awkwardly as you lost balance. You didn’t waste a second to turn to them, paranoid of having your back turned the wrong way again.

‘’ Why did you do that? ‘’ your voice had an edge to it that didn’t go unnoticed by the guys.

‘’ In case you’d scream, ‘’ Jay answered, he must’ve been the one holding you back.

‘’ What do you want? ‘’

‘’ You’ve got an attitude lately, haven’t you? ‘’

It was Jake’s voice, and it took everything in you not to either lunge at him or spit something aggressively back, you couldn’t let him know he had affected you.

‘’ I’m just not as scared of you as I used to be. ‘’

‘’ Really? Jungwon told us something different, ‘’ he said tauntingly, sinister glee shining through his tone.

His words stung. Humiliated, you cursed under your breath as heat rose to your cheeks. You heard some chuckles behind him but you weren’t sure from who, your eyes were darting anxiously in between things that were anywhere but him because you weren’t sure if you’d be able to keep your brave face if they did land there.

‘’ I don’t want to talk to you right now, ‘’ you finally caved in.

He cooed. ‘’ Is it because of last night? ‘’

You couldn’t take it anymore. With your heart in your throat, you started running. To the end of the hallway and down the stairs. You weren’t even sure where you were going, all you knew was that you had to get away. 

The footsteps that echoed in your head were hard to know if they were your own or if they were following you behind. You kept running in case they were, and you didn’t stop until all the air inside your lungs had been used up. Having reached the cafeteria, you stopped to catch your breath, panting loudly.

A hand touched you, making you jump and yelp loudly. As a defense mechanism, you brought your arms up to protect yourself.

‘’ Y/n? It’s me. ‘’

You relaxed at the familiar voice, coming out soft and laced with concern. You looked up at Soobin and then pulled him towards you, leaning forward so you could look around the corner. They hadn’t followed you, the corridor was empty thankfully.

You released a shaky breath and rested against the wall behind. Soobin looked worried.

‘’ Are you okay? ‘’

‘’ I think so, I ran from them. Do you think that would make them mad? ‘’

‘’ Possibly. But they didn’t run after you, so I’d guess no. ‘’

‘’ Who knows what they’re thinking. They’re so unpredictable. ‘’

‘’ They’re probably doing it on purpose to throw us off. Did you ask them if they were following you too by the way? Or did they mention anything about watching me yesterday, giving any hints that they know what we’re up to? ‘’

You blinked, overwhelmed with all of his rapid questions being thrown at you. Soobin threw his hands up, smiling guiltily. 

‘’ Sorry, that was a lot. ‘’

‘’ We didn’t talk for long, so no not that I can remember. ‘’

‘’ Anything else you can remember then? Did they seem off? ‘’

‘’ They have been lately. I guess the weird thing was that Jungwon and Heeseung were the only ones that weren’t there, it made me feel uneasy. ‘’

‘’ Because they have some more authority over the others?

You hummed.

‘’ What could they have been doing? ‘’

‘’ I have no idea. But are we sure we want to find out? ‘’

*******

Your hands were empty when you entered the police station after school, which maybe said a lot about how it wasn’t a fool-proof plan. After the whole run-in with Jake, you made up your mind then and there that you’d try to take him down with this. It may be a feeble attempt at getting justice. But, even if there was a high chance of it not succeeding, a part of you wanted to try something big like that so you could really see with your own two eyes if Jay’s dad had all their backs as you thought. You weren’t sure how their reactions would be, but surely they would stop you if they really were following you.

It was busy inside. The volume was very high, people were shouting over each other and the policemen had trouble controlling some. You grimaced and pushed past everyone with your elbows tucked near your sides. 

At the end of the room was a bigger desk that had a woman sitting behind it. The sign on the desk told you it was the reception, although many seemed to neglect that fact as they were busy antagonizing the officers, claiming their matters were more important.

‘’ Hello, how can I help you? ‘’

‘’ I’m here to file a report, um- ‘’ you ticked your tongue, not sure how you could explain it.

It wasn’t a break-in, because your dad willingly let him come inside, and it wasn’t really a robbery either. You struggled to find the right words, pleading with your eyes to make the receptionist understand you anyway.

She smiled warmly, seemingly understanding you just had trouble expressing yourself.

‘’ Is it related to sexual harassment? ‘’

‘’ Kind of, ‘’ you titled your head.

‘’ I will assign you this gentleman, please sit down, tell him your concern, and follow his instructions. ‘’

She gestured to the man sitting closest to the desk, on her left side. He looked very young, probably only a few years older than you, so a possible rookie cop. But, you didn’t discriminate. All you hoped was that he’d take you seriously and help you in any way he could.

He smiled at you when you sat down and you returned it. ‘’ Hi, I’m here regarding a police report I want to file. ‘’

‘’ What is the subject of the report? ‘’

The politeness was replaced with pure professionalism from his side which you really appreciated, he just got right into it.

‘’ Eh, well…I think sexual harassment or sexual crime. ‘’

The typing stopped, and his head raised. You were given a questioning look.

‘’ My dad falsely let in someone that I wasn’t close to into our house, I guess you could say. And he- he stole my underwear, ‘’ you swallowed harshly, feeling small under his stern gaze.

‘’ Did you check everywhere? ‘’

‘’ I did, I’m sure it’s gone. ‘’

‘’ Do you have proof of that? ‘’

You stilled. No, you didn’t really. That realization made you lose hope and motivation, your sweaty hands rubbed against the material of your jeans.

‘’ I don’t know, ‘’ you confessed lowly.

He sighed, a polite smile appeared on his lips again and he looked tired, not irritated. He probably did believe you, but there was a procedure he had to follow for it to even go through the system.

‘’ Any CCTV of him inside, entering or exiting your house. Any witness statements, etcetera?‘’

‘’ I-, do I need to have that now or can the police help me gather those? ‘’

‘’ We can help you gather CCTV if there are any in your building, they should show him entering or exiting. However, I have to warn you. If there are no witnesses and the footage doesn’t show him holding the item, it might go nowhere. ‘’

‘’ So search his house for it, ‘’ you shrugged.

He chuckled. ‘’ Getting a warrant is very hard. ‘’

You took some time to make up your mind, sighing before finalizing it.

‘’ It’s worth a try. ‘’

‘’ Okay, let’s go. ‘’

-

-

taglist; @peaceout97blog-blog, @ayadikreino, @beoms-sugar, @keikeu, @sunghoonnsupremacy, @lilyalone, @sweet-kisses-and-bloody-screams, @eunchaesmileyface, @nunugget, @seunns, @nshmrarki, @huening-ly, @espyluvsyou, @yncel, @loserwithnofriends, @enha-stan, @binchanluvrr, @ariek-divad, @obsessed1with1straykids, @yizhoutv, @taeyongzodiactwinkiri, @w3bqrl

[blue-slxt]

Our Song Cord: If The World Was Ending, You’d Come Over, Right?

(Chapter 5)

A/N: It feels like it took me forever to really work out how I wanted this chapter to play out lol. But overall, I'm satisfied with how it came out so I hope you guys enjoy it too. I'm not the best at angst, but I think it came out well. Every chapter title is a song reference, so if you know the song, you get a cookie. I really really appreciate feedback so comments and reblogs are heavily encouraged. All characters are aged up.

Series Masterlist

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Pairing: Neteyam x Fem!Omatikaya!Reader

Warnings: Angst, Pregnancy, Labor, Birth, Mentions of Death, I think that's all

Word Count: 5.3k

Summary: It's time for the arrival of your baby and Neteyam gets clocked upside the head with revelations. Also, Kiri is best girl.

Things were never the same with you and Neteyam after that night. Aside from a few fleeting glances from across the way, he completely avoided you. He didn’t come hunting with you, never sat with you at dinner, hell, you even missed how he would tease you about the awful accessories you would try to weave together for him. To everyone else, he was still Neteyam, the prince of the Omatikaya, but to you, he became a stranger. To make matters worse, he started heavily leaning into his “relationship” with Layao. You almost would never find one without the other these days. You almost preferred he physically tore your heart from your chest with his bare hands. That would have hurt less than this.

Kiri would still come to check on you from time to time. You told her what had happened and she immediately tried to run to go tell Neteyam the truth. As much as you wanted him to know; as much as you knew he deserved to know, it felt like this was the way things were just supposed to be. Your arrangement was always supposed to be only temporary. Neteyam was always supposed to be with Layao. It’s what’s best for the clan. So, if that means taking a step back and figuring things out on your own, then that’s what you’ll do. The first few weeks were the hardest. You found yourself sitting alone on the ground of your floor in tears nearly every day. You hardly left your home anymore. If it weren’t for Kiri consistently coming to check on you and bringing you food, you’re not sure how well you would have fared. She’s been your biggest support throughout this whole thing. Every now and then, she tries to urge you to tell Neteyam the truth, but you stand firm in your decision not to. “You didn’t see how he looked at me, Kiri.” You would tell her feeling a fresh pang of tightening in your chest at the memory.

“Besides, he seems happy now with Layao. I don’t want to stand in the way of that.”

She would roll her eyes at you every time, but her empathy for you outweighed her grievance with your choice in handling the situation.

After a few months, your stomach finally started to grow a small bump. And as your belly grew, so did your determination to make the best life you could for you and your unborn child. But it seems that your protruding stomach also made it that much harder for Neteyam to even look your way. Nevertheless, hiding away in your home was no longer an option. You would visit the healing tent on a semi-regular basis so that Mo’at could track the progress of the baby. She said it’s going to be a little girl and your adoration for the little soon-to-be life swelled in your heart while your hands ran over your stomach.

You and Aykxo saw each other more, but it never went past casual catch ups. You were positive he had heard the talk about him being your secret mate and father to your baby, but he never brought the subject up with you for some reason. You both knew it wasn’t true so maybe there just was no reason to speak it out loud. However, if it were mentioned to him by anyone else, he would deny it. Despite his best efforts, though, people still speculated. About halfway through your pregnancy, Aykxo tragically lost his life during one of the raids held against the sky people. When the news reached the clan, many people gave you pitied looks and there were whispers of ‘that poor girl’ when he was laid to rest. Many people still believed Aykxo to be the father of your baby, but you always denied it. Not that it was anyone’s business as far as you were concerned. But after every denial, there would be the inevitable ‘well, who else could it be?’ and you would clam up. You couldn’t tell the truth and you didn’t want to put the spotlight on anyone else.

“You should have seen it, Kiri. I mean the way that she looked at me when all I asked was for her to pass me some damn fruit. Fruit! I’m so sick of everybody looking at me like some poor, defenseless, grieving mate that can’t hold it together.” You say readying your spear to strike at a fish in the pond.

Kiri sits next to you on the edge with her feet dangling into the water. “Well, you know, if you’re really that sick of it, you could always just—”

“Don’t. You already know that that’s not happening.”

She sighs deeply and shrugs her shoulders. Even though it made your heart heavy to have Neteyam avoiding you like a disease, you had gained a stronger bond with Kiri than you previously had and you were beyond grateful for all of her support and help. At least your child would have some type of relationship with his family.

As the months carried on, you had learned to make your peace with your situation and your decision. Hell, you had even started to consider actually taking a mate. That proved to be more difficult than you’d initially thought, though. Men were cautious about approaching you, to put it lightly. Some of them were good friends with Aykxo and felt bad about moving in on ‘his mate’. Some were put off by the fact that you were currently carrying a child that didn’t belong to them. Either way, the whole process was like pulling teeth.

But the peculiar thing that stood out to you was not your own failed attempts at taking a mate, but the fact that after all this time, Neteyam still had not had his ceremony with Layao. You were sure that Mo’at or Jake would have had them get on with it by now. It’s not that you were complaining, but you had to wonder what was the hold up? Kiri swears she doesn’t know. She says she has nothing to do with the extension on their postponement.

Regardless, it doesn’t concern you anymore. Your main focus is your baby that will arrive any day now. You’ve been spending the last week or so hunting and gathering and preparing for the birth. You’ve stocked up on plenty of ripe fruit, vegetables, smoked meats, herbs to help with your recovery, and freshly woven blankets that you made with Kiri’s help.

And now, you sit here at a pond listening to the gentle trickle of the water as it waves and moves with your swaying feet. The warm water on your aching joints was a welcome relief. Your feet had swollen, your belly was large and heavy, your breasts filled out and became sore. So, you often would come and soak whatever part of yourself was bothering you most that day. Your hand sits on top of your belly rubbing little swirls around the tahnì you can still see from this angle.

“Hello in there little one. I’m your sa’nu.” You coo lovingly at your stomach with a smile. You can feel little feet swing and kick inside of you in response. One particularly hard kick lands right below your navel and your hand instinctively holds the spot you were hit. “Oof, you are strong, just like your sempu…” Your expression is still warm, but there’s a hint of sadness there thinking about it.

“Your sempu is a mighty warrior” you chuckle a bit. “But he is also very kind and funny and handsome. He’s pretty smart most times, but he can also be a total skxawng.”

It feels like her tiny body somersaults inside when you mention her father and you can’t help but laugh a little to yourself. Sometimes, you wonder if she knows when you’re specifically talking about Neteyam. Maybe it’s the change in your heartbeat that she can feel when you talk about him. Or it could be the tensing of your gut when you see him around the village. Whatever the case may be, she always comes alive at the mention of her father.

Dinner should be happening right about now. You figure that it’s time for you to go head back.

“What do you say we go get you fed, little one?”

You stand to your feet and feel a pang of pain in your lower back. You probably shouldn’t have sat for as long as you did. You try to stretch and relieve some of the pressure, but to no avail. Just another ache to add to the list.

At dinner, Kiri and Lo’ak keep you company while Neteyam sits with Layao and his parents, no doubt discussing the coming ceremony.

“I don’t care what everyone else says, there’s no way you’d mate with someone as corny as Aykxo. I just don’t buy it.” Lo’ak says between bites of his food.

“You know, Lo’ak, that may be the smartest thing I’ve heard you say in a long time.” You tease and he shoots you an unamused look.

“I’m just saying, I don’t get why you’re being so hush hush about who it is. It’s not like it’s a big deal, but you won’t even give us a hint. You keep saying it’s not Aykxo, but you’re never with anyone else.”

“Have you ever considered that maybe it’s none of our business?” Kiri rolls her eyes at him.

“Of course not.” He replies very matter of fact.

Kiri waves him off and turns her attention to you, “Anyways, have you picked out a name yet?” Her eyes light up and her smile beams at you as she’s been impatiently awaiting the arrival of the new addition. “I have, but I’m waiting until she’s here.”

A sudden chill runs up your spine and you reflexively turn around to see what the cause is. You’re surprised to see Neteyam standing behind you looking like he was about to tap you, but he retracts his hand once you look at him.

“Hey, um, can we talk?” the awkward tension is palpable. Your eyes flick to Lo’ak and Kiri for some kind of help, but Lo’ak is too busy trying to avoid eye contact with you and Kiri is urging you with her eyes to go with him.

“Sure.”

You stand up with a heavy sigh and follow his lead away from the crowd. He doesn’t walk you that far away from everyone, but far enough that you can have some privacy. Your eyes study him while he shifts from one foot to the other and his hands clench repeatedly at his sides. The ache in your back is building in intensity, but you do your best to ignore it. This is the first time that Neteyam has actually acknowledged your existence since he found out about your pregnancy. No way you were going to let a little back pain interrupt this long-overdue conversation. 

“So, I hear from Kiri that you are due soon.” He starts.

“Yes, I am. Any day now.” Eywa, this couldn’t be any more uncomfortable if you tried.

“Well, that’s good news. I’m sure you will be an excellent mother.”

You almost feel like you could be sick from how formal he’s being with you right now. It physically makes your stomach hurt. Literally. There’s a tight squeezing in your stomach that’s growing. You still try to keep the conversation going anyways.

“Oh, uh, thank you…” Your hand holds your stomach right in the spot where the pain is the worst. You try to rub it and massage the feeling away, but it does nothing to alleviate the feeling.

“I guess I should also be offering my condolences…for what happened to Aykxo.”

Not this again.

“Neteyam, please don’t. Me and Aykxo nev—” your thought is interrupted by another stronger pain in your stomach. You double over clutching your belly waiting for it to pass, but it doesn’t. “Are you alright?” Neteyam’s voice finally has dropped its proper tone and is filled with concern. You can’t answer him as you groan through the pain and then that’s when you feel it. A gush of liquid rushes out from between your legs and to a small puddle on the ground at your feet. Your eyes go wide and look up at Neteyam who looks even more panicked.

“Oh, Great Mother…I think it is time!” 

“Oh, Eywa. We need to get you to my grandmother right now!” Neteyam tries to grab your hand and lead you back towards the clan, but the pain feels like it has already increased tenfold and you can barely move.

“Ahhh…I-I can’t, Teyam. It hurts t-too much.” You whine holding your stomach and nearly falling to your knees.

“O-okay, okay. Just…hold on to me.” He says bending down a little and guiding your arms to wrap around his neck. He picks you up bridal style and quickly regains his balance.

“Just hang on for a little longer. We’ve got to get you to the healing tent.”

All you can do is nod your head while you try to focus on your breathing and nestle yourself into his hold. He hurries back to the clan and rushes back over to where Kiri and Lo’ak are still sitting. Kiri momentarily lights up seeing Neteyam carrying you back, but her expression immediately falls into worry once she sees the expression on both of your faces.

“What happened?” she asks standing to her feet and meeting Neteyam halfway.

“It’s time for her to have the baby!”

“Eywa, okay, come bring her to the tent.” She leads him through the crowd and some people stare and whisper amongst themselves about the scene unfolding in front of them. Not like you can really notice right now when it’s all you can do just to breathe properly. The bouncing of Neteyam’s steps don’t help with the cramping feeling growing in your abdomen, but it’s a necessary evil to get you the help you need.

Once you finally arrive at the healing tent, Kiri instructs Neteyam to lay you down on one of the mats while she gathers supplies and locates Mo’at. Sweat beads on your forehead and your vision is losing focus. Neteyam brushes his fingers over your face hoping to offer you some sort of comfort in this moment until his grandmother can arrive.

“Teyam…” you breathe out.

“It’s okay, you’re going to be okay. My grandmother is on her way.” He says feeling sick to his stomach at the fact that he feels so powerless in this moment.

“Teyam…’m sorry…”

“Shhh…now’s not the time. Just focus on getting through this.”

Kiri finally returns with Mo’at and they both waste no time springing into action around you. Mo’at places her hands on top of your stomach and closes her eyes listening for the message from Eywa.

“It is time, child. You will need to put forth all your strength.” She says looking down at you.

Kiri takes ahold of your hand and mutters words of encouragement to you.

Neteyam can’t help but feel a bit out of place here right now. He has no way to help and he feels more than a bit awkward watching the birth of someone else’s child so he drops your hand and silently backs out of the tent.

“Where are you going?” Kiri asks him sharply.

“W-well, it seems that the two of you have it under control. I don’t want to be in the way.” He says continuing out of the tent. “Neteyam!” Kiri calls out, but when you squeeze her hand, she knows that she needs to focus her attention on supporting you right now. “I swear to Eywa, I am going to kick his skxawng ass when this is over.” She mutters to herself.

A loud, guttural groan leaves your throat feeling another harsh contraction of your muscles rip through you.

Mo’at uses her fingertips and a dull bone dipped in oil to tap various points around your body. She says it’s to help prepare you and help your body do what it needs to.

“I can’t do this, Kiri. I ca—aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggghhhh”, you barely even have the capacity to get a full sentence out without being interrupted by the impatient arrival of your baby.

“Yes, you can. I know it hurts, but right now you have to be strong for her. I’m going to be right here with you the whole time.” She gives your hand a reassuring squeeze when your grip on her tightens.

“It is time.” Mo’at speaks up in front of you. Outside the tent, Neteyam had actually stuck around. He couldn’t bring himself to stay inside and watch, but somehow it felt wrong for him to completely leave you too. So, he opted to lean himself against one of the support posts and wait. You know, for moral support. All he can hear from inside is groans and screams of pain while his grandmother and sister try to coach you through it. The pained howls that you make are unlike anything he’s ever heard and it makes that useless feeling settle in his gut again. There was a point in time where he would’ve done anything to be able to help take away some of your pain and a part of him will always feel that way for you, but he decided that that was no longer his place. More agonizing screams erupt from inside the tent and he prays to Eywa to help you through this. Hearing you like this made his heart hurt in a way that was different than anything else he’s encountered.

Just when he feels like he’s about to break, there’s a long silence. His ears swivel back and forth searching for a sound, any sound. Some kind of sign that everything was alright. And then, there it is…a cry. There are sighs of relief and muttered praises to you from Mo’at and Kiri about how well you did. Your baby’s first cries fill his ears and it practically brings Neteyam to his knees.

Inside, you cradle your newborn in your arms and an exhausted smile crosses your face looking down at her tiny, squishy features.

“She will calm once you make the bond.” Mo’at explains taking hold of your baby’s queue. Kiri helps bring your own to the front so that tsaheylu can be made and once the bright glowing tendrils meet, your baby is soothed immediately. When she calms down and looks up at you, you can’t help but notice the pattern of the stripes and tanhì on her head are identical to Neteyam’s and it brings tears to your eyes.

Through the bond, you can feel how she is trusting you and relying on you and you are sure that you’ve never loved like this before and nothing would ever compare to this. She is everything to you. The tears keep coming and you can’t distinguish if they’re happy tears or sad tears anymore.

Kiri places her hand on your shoulder in an attempt to comfort you and when you look at her, she’s welling up with tears of her own.

“She looks just like her father.” You half whisper.

…

The recovery period was tough. Even the simple act of bringing your baby to the Tree of Souls so that she could make her first bond was a strenuous responsibility. Caring for an infant alone proved to be the hardest thing that you had ever done. If it weren’t for Kiri coming to visit you almost daily, you surely would’ve collapsed from exhaustion by now.

“Hello little Veyä. I’m your aunt Kiri. Oh, you are just so cute!” she would coo and cuddle her in her arms while you would take the chance to do your hair or bathe. It was a heartwarming scene to say the least.

Who you haven’t seen in the almost 2 weeks since your baby’s been born? Neteyam. Before, his avoidance was painful, but now it was just strange. It was as if he was a ghost. There one second and as soon as he’d catch even the smallest glimpse of you, he would be gone.

“What’s up with Neteyam these days?”

“He’s been brooding in his kelku for weeks now and he won’t talk to anyone about what’s bugging him.” Lo’ak says wiggling his finger at Veyä who’s tucked into your sling on your chest and letting her grab at him.

You hum out a response mindlessly rubbing your hand up and down your baby’s back.

“He’d better pull it together soon. Grandmother said that he and Layao are finally going to have their ceremony in a few days. Man, what I wouldn’t give to have a girl like that.” Your attention snaps back to Lo’ak who is still playing with Veyä.

“Oh, I see.” There it is again, that funny feeling. That familiar sinking sensation that makes it feel like your chest is going to concave in on itself. After so long, it almost seemed less likely to happen, but of course, the world is not so kind.

“Well, I should get going. I’ve got to get Veyä to Mo’at so she can make sure that she’s doing well.”

“Alright. I guess I should get back to training anyways. See ya around.” He says while you wave goodbye at him and head towards the healing tent. Veyä coos in your sling you quickly readjust her to make sure she’s secure. When you enter the tent, there’s no one there.

“Hello? Tsahìk? Kiri?” no response. That’s odd. You were almost sure that this was the time you agreed to come. Maybe there was some kind of last-minute emergency and they had to run out. Or maybe you were actually so sleep deprived and out of your head that you had gotten the timing wrong.

“Guess we have some time to kill. Let’s go have a snack while we wait for someone to get back. How does that sound, tìlor?” you gush at your little baby and rub your finger against her cheek making her crack a tiny smile.

“Hello? Grandmother? I need your help with—oh” when you turn around, you see Neteyam entering the tent holding his forearm, but he goes still when he realizes that you’re there.

“Hi. I think everyone is out right now.” You say sheepishly.

“Oh, um, I see. What are you doing here?” he asks.

“I was bringing Veyä to see Mo’at just to check on her progress.” He doesn’t offer much of a response besides a small nod of his head. Your eyes trail down to the trickles of blood on his arm. “What happened to you?”

He looks down at his arm, “Ah, training accident. I got distracted and got swiped.” He quickly lifts his hand from his arm to show you. He’s definitely downplaying it. There’s a long open gash up half the length of his arm.

“Eywa, that looks bad.” “It’s fine, really. I can just wait for Grandmother to get back.”

“Are you kidding me? You can’t just wait for that. Sit down. Let me help you.” His face falls a little in surprise, “Really, you don’t have to wor—” “Neteyam te Suli Tsyeyk’itan, sit down and let me wrap your arm.” Your voice comes out stern and sure taking him aback. You’ve only ever used his full name once in your whole lives so he wasn’t used to hearing it from you. It makes the tip of his tail flick wildly behind him without his permission. With a sigh, he relents and takes a seat on the ground in front of you.

“I know that I’m no tsakarem, but I at least can do this much.” You say already grabbing the nearby bowl of yalnabark and some clean cloth. You crouch in front of him and pour water over the wound to clean it and dip your fingers into the yalnabark paste so that you can smooth it over his arm. You’re careful with your movements so as to not disturb Veyä too much. Your eyes watch your hands while you work, but Neteyam can only watch your face. He tries to not let his face get hot under your gentle touch and attentive gaze. He thinks about how much he misses when your eyes would look at him with what felt like love. How your cheeks would squish up when you smiled at him. How soft your lips were under the calloused tips of his fingers. Damn, how he wanted to touch you again. It was always a gut punch to see you from a distance which is why he tried his hardest to not see you. But looking at you now up close, he doesn’t want to be anywhere else.

Neteyam is pulled from his musings by the small babbles of your baby in your sling. He’d been trying for the last 2 weeks to deny the reality of the situation, but right now, there was no running from the truth when it sat right there nestled snugly against your chest. His eyes fall to the small figure you carried and he feels as if his brain short circuits when she stares back at him.

Again, Neteyam is a smart man. He’s observant. And what he immediately notices looking at your baby? It’s like looking at his own reflection. He instantly recognizes the familiar shapes and patterns on her head. Yes, her features are more similar to yours such as her eyes or her lips, but there’s no mistaking the pattern of her tanhì or the stripes on her forehead that all curve and meet right between her eyes. It feels as if his whole chest seizes. There was no way. Was there?

You don’t notice the look Neteyam is giving you right now as you’re too busy ensuring that you wrap the cloth around his arm properly.

“Okay, that should do for now. At least, until your grandmother can properly take care of it. But that should hold you for the day.” You say tying the final knot. You’re met with silence and when you look at his face, Neteyam’s face is stuck with a dumbfounded expression. You stare back at him, “What?”

His mouth opens and closes waiting for words to come through, but none do and he instead sits there like a gaping fish.

“Alright. Well, I’d better get going. I need to find a snack and feed Veyä. I guess I’ll see you around.” You say finally standing and making your way out of the tent. Neteyam watches you completely dazed. He feels as if everything he’s known has just been flipped on its head.

…

At dinner, you sit with Kiri and Lo’ak as usual while chewing on some teylu and watching Kiri gush at Veyä in your sling. Her tiny tail thrashes around in excitement when Kiri tickles just under her chin and the sight makes your heart swell. Across the crowd, you spot Neteyam sitting with his parents and Layao as usual. But what was unusual was the way he kept staring at you completely lost to whatever other conversation was being held around him. He only offered fleeting glances and half-hearted responses to those around him while maintaining his focus on you. Normally, these days, he did all he could to avoid seeing you and now he couldn’t tear his eyes away from you.

“Any particular reason your brother keeps staring over here?” you ask both of them.

When Kiri and Lo’ak turn around, sure enough, they catch a glimpse of Neteyam’s searing focus before he can pretend to look away and act casual.

“No clue. He’s been weird all day.” Lo’ak remarks. “He was totally out of it at training. He got this really nasty looking gash on his arm when he was training one of the other warriors. He left himself wide open. I don’t know where his head is at these days.”

Veyä starts to fuss in your arms so you latch her onto your chest figuring she’s also ready to eat. You do your best to try and not dwell on the pair of eyes watching your every move through the rest of dinner.

By the time you’re done with your food, Veyä has fallen asleep and you say your goodbyes to Kiri and Lo’ak so that you can head back to your kelku and get some rest.

Neteyam’s focus still lingers on you even after you’ve disappeared from his sight, his mind follows behind you.

He manages to bring his attention back to the scene around him enough to notice that Layao has finished eating. He figures that if there were ever an opportunity to do this, it was now or never. He leans over and whispers to Layao, “Can we go talk somewhere?”

She nods at him and they excuse themselves from the group.

They walk in silence together to Neteyam’s kelku and the quiet is thick and heavy between them. His gut feels sick, but he knows that this is for the best. When they get inside, he pulls the flap over the opening and secures it to give them some privacy.

Layao watches Neteyam curiously while he paces a bit trying to find the best starting point. He turns to her and swallows hard. “Layao, you are a wonderful person and any man in the clan would be lucky to have you, but I don’t think that I can go through with this arrangement. I care about you a lot, but I’m in love with someone else.” He finally admits. He waits to watch her reaction and tries to prepare his heart for the stream of tears and sobs that are sure to leave her at any moment…and yet, they never come. She blinks at him a couple of times while processing the information and then, to his complete shock, she sighs in relief.

“Oh, thank Eywa.” She says letting go of a big breath.

Now, it’s Neteyam’s turn to blink at her in confusion. Layao notices the bewildered expression on his face and takes a couple of steps closer to him. “Look, Neteyam, you are a great guy. You’re handsome and strong and loyal and kind, but I’m not in love with you either. I was going along with the arrangement because everyone said it was what was best for the clan. I was leaning in to try and make the best of the situation for both of us and I was scared to be the one to call it off.” She explains.

His mouth hangs open with this new revelation. “Wait, so you don’t want to mate with me?”

She laughs a little to herself, “Not particularly. No offense Mr. Mighty Warrior, but I just don’t see you that way. If I’m being perfectly honest, I’m actually interested in Lo’ak.”

Now, Neteyam is the one laughing. All this time, it could have been so simple.

“I can see why you love her.” She says interrupting his train of thought before it can even really begin.

“How did you know?” She rolls her eyes at him, “Neteyam, I have 2 eyes that work. It is as obvious as the stripes on my face that you are madly in love with her. I’ve always seen the way you are around her. She’s always had your heart. And I can understand why.” She takes his hand in hers tenderly. “It was fun for a while, but I think it’s time for both of us to stop playing pretend and do what’s best for us.”

Neteyam covers her hand with his other and smiles at her. “Thank you.”

“Now, go find her. And don’t screw it up.” She says playfully shoving him out of the kelku.

“I owe you one. I promise, I’ll get you in with Lo’ak. It shouldn’t be too hard since he’s kind of already into you.” He says turning on his heels and eagerly heading towards your home.

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[jewbeloved]

When you feel left out (Stan x Kyle x Reader)💙💚💖

This idea came into my head and I wanted to write about it!

Warnings: angst with a fluff happy ending

Gender: Neutral

💙 Stan and Kyle 💚

You weren't really sure if you were ready to have 2 boyfriends they were dating before you came into the relationship.

I mean you liked both Stan and Kyle at the same time so a poly relationship happened between you guys, so now you're dating 2 boyfriends.

But lately you have been getting weird feelings that Stan and Kyle are ignoring you. Maybe like you being left out for some reason, you wondered if they were upset or mad at you for something. But when you asked them they didn't say anything to you, they just looked at each other before facing away from you.

You decided to ask your friends and their friends if you did something wrong to make them ignore you, but all of them didn't know.

You knew that Stan and Kyle were dating before you came into their relationship. But now you're starting to feel as if you're getting in the way with how they don't make eye-contact with you and ignore you like you're not even there.

You had confronted them when you found them sitting on a bench in Stark's pond holding hands.

"Stan and Kyle...?", You thought that they would just ignore you again but they actually faced towards you this time.

They gave you concerned looks when they saw your facial expression.

"Am I...getting in the way of your relationship?", Their concerned looks changed into a shocked one.

"Huh? What are you talking about (Name)?"

"Well...you guys have been quite ignoring me since last week and I saw you guys were always hanging out with each other...you both always seemed so happy...", You tried your hardest to not cry.

"The truth is...I feel left out....I'm not saying that I always want to be the center of attention...but it felt like I was always the third wheel who wasn't even there to begin with...", You couldn't hold in your tears any longer as you burst into tears streaming down your cheeks.

Stan and Kyle both looked at each other with guilt before they turned towards you again and wrapped their arms around you to form a big hug.

"Oh (Name)....you're not getting in the way of our relationship... we're sorry we made you feel like that...".

"But why did you guys ignore me...? I don't understand...".

"Well...me and Stan were still not sure about being in a poly relationship....but we should've told you how we felt instead of just hiding it from you, we're so sorry...", Stan and Kyle hugged you closer to them.

"You both did seem really happy when I wasn't there to join you guys...".

"We are happy together..but we also still want you.....you're our s/o...do you still want to be in a poly relationship with us? If that is still okay with you".

You nodded and that made them both smile at you.

They both gave you a kiss on both sides of your cheek as they continue to hug you into their embrace while giving you head pats and back rubs.

"Me and Stan were planning to go play some video games at Stan's house, would you like to join us (Name)?", Your eyes lit up in excitement.

"I would love to!", All 3 of you smiled as you all held hands while making your way to Stan's house.

"After we finish playing games together...do you guys maybe want to cuddle and watch a movie?"

They smiled at you.

"Me and Stan have cuddled before, but with you this time it will feel special! and also another way to make up to you for ignoring you last week".

They both gave you some more kisses on your forehead and cheek, and eventually your lips too.

You have never felt so happy in your life...💚💙💖

I love poly relationships...sometimes I do wonder what it is like to have 2 partners or maybe even more...

[marcobodtlives]

Here's a sad thought.

You know how titan shifters take the memories of the previous one? So, when Armin ate Bertholdt and took the colossal from him that means he more than likely saw the memory of what happened with Marco, and didn't say anything.

Not to Jean.

No one.

YEAH! THIS IS ON MY MIND CONSTANTLY 😓

24/7 RENT FREE

I say this to everyone I know who watches AoT and I believe it wholeheartedly.

Thank you 🥲 I think about this fact so often and I have so many headcanons about it!!!

Here they all are beneath the cut, I hope you like: 🥹

I reckon Armin would have had flashes of it, felt so sick, picked up Bertholdt’s lingering guilt, and then been utterly torn between telling Jean and keeping it to himself.

I think Armin and Jean are close, particularly so after their planned kidnapping in season 3. I think Armin has always reminded Jean of Marco, and I think a small part of Jean knows that Armin means a lil more to him because it’s the last shred of Marco that he feels he still has.

Marco and Armin were close. They were both smart, inquisitive, caring individuals that wound up being the ones keeping their chaotic friends in line. He might be short, blond, and lack the freckles Jean loved, but Armin is as close to Marco that Jean has - and Armin knows that too.

After Marco’s death, Armin notices how heavily it’s impacted Jean, and he reaches out. Extends an open line, lets Jean know that he’s there for him if he ever wants to talk - really talk.

After their planned capture in season 3, after Armin kills to save Jean’s life, after Armin’s sacrifice in Shiganshina, he’s torn.

On one hand, Jean was closest to Marco, was the one who took his death the hardest, the one who sees him and mourns him more than anyone else. Jean is the one who keeps Marco’s memory alive, he’s the one that fights the hardest to keep Marco from becoming ‘just another comrade we’ve lost.’

Jean has said “he died all alone, without anyone knowing or seeing.” Armin knows the circumstances of Marco’s death kill Jean, rock him to the core.

Armin knows Jean is the one who deserves to know the truth more than anyone.

But Armin also knows the other side to Jean.

Armin knows Jean feels the weight of every death. He knows Jean wakes at night, hands clamped over his ears. He knows Jean’s sketchbook is full of sketches of Marco, and he knows they’re becoming less and less accurate as time goes on.

He knows Jean would fall into a hole, so to speak, if he found out the truth. He knows Jean would need answers, he knows the fury of it all would compromise Jean in the field.

When they reach the ocean, he almost says something. They aren’t in immediate danger, it’s been over a year, they have their answers. Logically, it would be the best time to say something.

But he sees Jean with Conny and Sasha, sees their smiles, the carefree way they laugh as salt water twists their features. And Armin realises… he can’t do this. He doesn’t have the heart to sit Jean down and explain that his best friend of three years was held down and fed to a titan by three of their fellow cadets-turned-traitors.

Murdered. He can’t tell Jean that Marco was murdered. He just - he can’t do that. It’s hard enough seeing it himself when he closed his eyes, he can’t tell Jean and subject him to that truth.

He doesn’t need to fuel Jean’s nightmares by giving him more context. He isn’t going to be the gasoline to Jean’s trauma-fire.

He can tell the truth when they’re stable again. When Paradis isn’t under threat, when there’s peace and hope. When Jean has the time to heal without fear and uncertainty dancing over their heads.

Then they go to Marley. Then Eren leaves. War is declared. They’re fighting for their lives. Again.

Then Reiner and Annie are honest.

And Armin is reminded why he didn’t tell Jean when fists start flying and Jean ends up in the woods with his hands over his ears.

But he thinks maybe things will be okay, when Jean saves Reiner’s ass as they hang from Eren’s ribcage.

[imbadatwrighting]

I'm back with another request if they are still open, may you do headcanons for the Yu-Gi-Oh boys with an s/o who has major trust issues?

Will do 🫡 warning it’s kinda crappy and rushed because I didn’t start it until Wednesday this week. Also to the other person who requested smth a week ago give me a couple more days, I was being lazy af but I will post it eventually. Also I don’t really have trust issues so I apologize if this doesn’t seem accurate

Yu-gi-oh boys with a S/o that has trust issues

Yugi Muto

Literally the most understanding person alive

I mean he had to get Yami to trust him and Yami is top tier trust issues

When you two met it was short and prompt

You guys were partners for a project and when he tried to talk to you were very quiet and never voiced your opinions about the project

It annoyed him a little but knew that you just needed time

Which he of course does

But even since that project he would also come up to you and talk to you even if you try to shoo him off

Eventually he somehow got you to start dating him but it still isn’t easy

He tries his hardest to help you but sometimes you just shut him out

Eventually he sat down with you and made you talk about everything

And I mean everything

He got you to spill eventually which was hard to say the least

After that you were still in the fence about telling him things but you usually would tell him everything

He loves you even if you don’t tell him anything though

Whenever you do he’s so proud of you

Even if it’s the littlest thing about your life

“What happened today?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“Well… Tea told me that I looked pretty today. I don’t think she meant it though.”

“I’m sure she did. After all you always look amazing.”

“Yugi cut it out.”

“Sorry.”

Yami Yugi

Two peas in a pot over here

You can only imagine how hard it was for you two to start dating

Honestly I’m not even going to get into it-

When you two started dating it was really hard

You both wouldn’t tell each other anything

It ruined your relationship a little bit

Eventually one of you had to break

It was a very slow break though

It started with just one of you starting to talk more and more about you like even if it’s small things

Soon the other one started to catch on subconsciously and do the same thing without them actually knowing it

Eventually one of you hinted to each other that it might be a good idea to afford therapy

You both hopped on the idea thinking you were only doing it for the other one

Couples therapy was hard

Especially when neither one of you were speaking you mind

It worked though

I mean only a little bit but still

You two try to have a little talking session which works surprisingly

Yami did get into a couples fights with you now and then about not being truthful and never telling him anything but it usually ends after an hour or so

Even through all of this you still love each other immensely

You both know that this won’t work for ever but for now you’re happy how you are

“Where were you last night?”

“I’d rather not talk about it.”

“You weren’t anywhere dangerous were you?”

“No Yami.”

“Good. I love you.”

“I love you too…”

Joey Wheeler

He got you out of your shell

I honestly don’t know how and I don’t think he does either

When he met you at first you were very short a blunt but he just kept annoying you and eventually you guys got closer

By a landslide

Anywhere you were at he was at

He followed you like a kicked little puppy

But somehow by doing this it worked

Even if it was really small you were slowly starting to trust him more and more because you knew he wasn’t going anywhere

Honestly it got to the point where you called the cops on him because he was outside of your window with a black hoodie on

And you had no idea it was him

You thought it was some drug dealer or kidnapper

Safe to say you felt really bad about the whole cop situation

That was his chance to break your walls

He went inside with you and honestly kind of guilt tripped you until you broke and spilled all your feelings

But just because you broke didn’t mean you lost all of your walls

When you realized what he did you kicked him out and would ignore him whenever he came up to you

It went on like that until he apologized to you and you forgave him barely

You were still a little mad at him but we’re starting to let it go

Soon after it went back to how it was with him following you like a little puppy

When you guys started dating your relationship was already changed

You guys have been friends for way over a year and you weren’t as closed off about stuff

Not to say exactly that you trusted him fully

Even though you try

But more like some things you just feel like it’s right to keep to yourself

Which Joey understands and is really proud of your change

He also understands if you don’t want to elaborate further than needed in your views

“How was dinner, Sweets?”

“It was ok.”

“Ok?”

“We had fun, Joey.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

“Ok then, I’m glad.”

Seto Kaiba

Rudest one out of all the boys

He met you and somehow you two just were always with each other

You were probably the babysitter for Mokuba and since where every Seto went Mokuba went so you did too

You two ended up getting together and it was a mess at the beginning

Seto was really busy so you acted like you were really busy as well but in reality you weren’t

Just because he isn’t with you all the time doesn’t mean he doesn’t pick up on things

He always noticed how closed off you were and unwilling to trust him even after dating for more that 4 months

He knows that some of it is his fault because he’s never with you

But instead of being with you more he hired you a therapist

The only thing is you didn’t know they were a therapist

They slowly became your friend and you would share more and more and they would give you feedback

That was until you found out they were your therapist

You lost it on Seto

Yelling at him while he talked back in a stern voice telling you it was for your own good

You two fought for at least a week but you two also got closer during it

He’s starting to understand your boundaries more and is more nicer about things

And your trying to share more and not be closed off to him

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t think to tell you, Seto.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“Please next time tell me this.”

“I will. I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok.”

[evan4ever]

I just had the most angsty idea everrr and was wondering if I could request it to you: Kit and a girl reader in Briarcliff are all in love and finally happened to make love for the first time during kitchen duty, they get caught (much like in the show) and are to be sterilized as punishment to prevent a possible "unwanted" pregnancy in the future with their relationship, but reader has always shared to Kit that her biggest dream in life was experiencing pregnancy and being a mother one day if she ever got lucky to be free again, and so being desperate to try and save reader from sterilization and having her only and one dream totally shattered from her possibilities, Kit goes to the only idea he could think of to get reader out of that and lies straight ahead saying he harrassed her and forced her to do things she didn't want to (which was of course the most brutal lie ever, she was the one who had insisted it upon him in the first place btw) and so there would be no need for sterilization since there was no real relationship between them and no possibility of it happening again in the future, and Jude had absolutely no tolerance for harrassment so instead of having Kit being sterilized himself, she orders the guards to beat the hell out of him in front of the reader to make her feel like having justice from his acts to her, all whilst the reader knows what Kit was doing to save her and can't deny it at the same time; then lastly, in the end she visits him in infirmary to check on him and comfort him and also confront him.

Sorry it got way too long lol, but it would seriously mean everything if you could write this down please, and tysm btw! <3

A Lie For Me

Warnings: this is pretty dark so read with caution, it may be triggering. Mentions of rape, sexual assault, harassment. Abuse/beating. Talk of sterilization, infertility, etc. it was a hard one to write folks

—

“What?” Kit’s eyes went wide at your desperate request. You pressed your lips together so tightly the skin began turning white, looking at him pleadingly.

You knew it was a horrible thing to request of him. You knew it was wrong in so many ways, and you knew it would be really awful on his end — the things that could happen to him by “admitting” what you wanted him to. You felt terrible, but you were so desperate.

“Please Kit…” you whispered, tears forming in your eyes. His furrowed eyebrows began softening slowly as he studied your face that held nothing but the desperation you felt.

“S’let me get this straight — you want me to lie, tell them I… forced you… to do that with me back there in the kitchen? Y/n, why? D’ya know what they’ll do to me?” His eyebrows re-furrowed themselves as he listened to what he was saying, what you were wanting him to do. It wasn’t the truth, far from. The sexual acts that you were both caught in was completely mutual, wanted by both. He didn’t quite understand it and he needed a further explanation from you first.

“It is my biggest dream to be a mother someday. Kit I can’t think of anything worse for myself than being sterilized. If they strip me of my ability to form a child one day… I don’t think I could live on. Kit, I will end it all if they do. I will take my life the second I’m alone. I know it’s not fair of me to ask something of you like this, and if my chances of having a child weren’t at stake, I never would ask it of you. Please… I’m begging of you to just please try to understand.” You pleaded with him, trying your absolute hardest to help him understand where you’re coming from. You’re not a bad person, lying about sexual assault and harassment is such a horrible thing one could do. The false accusations have put many men in prison and you were a very big advocate about it; but now your future of being a mother was making you do the one thing you could never fathom before.

Kit’s eyes looked down at his handcuffed hands before they rested upon yours that were also handcuffed. You were both waiting for your punishment of being sterilized. He thought over your words again and again. He did understand you, he wanted nothing more than to be a father himself someday. But if what you were saying was true, that you’d take your life over being sterilized, he knew he had to do the right thing, for you. He’d do whatever it took.

“I swear on my life I wouldn’t dare ask if it wasn’t im—“

“I’ll do it.” Kit cut you off, his eyes now flickering back up to yours. They weren’t the usual kind eyes that you had gotten to know and love so much. They weren’t mean either, not even cold. They were just dark. Almost emotionless.

But you were desperate, so you didn’t dare start that conversation in fears that he would possibly change his mind. You had him on board. You had him where you needed him. And god, you felt so selfish. You hated yourself right now.

A beat of silence passed as you both just stared at each other, Kit’s face unreadable while yours nervous.

“..thank you.” You finally whispered out. Kit glanced behind you and you turned your head to see what he was now looking at and your stomach dropped as Sister Jude entered the small room, Dr. Arden and a nurse behind her. You swallowed hard and quickly looked back at Kit who glared up at Jude.

“Now, it would be wise of you both to not make this any more difficult than it already has to be—“

“I raped her.” Kit cut Jude off harshly. You sucked in a sharp breath at hearing his words, holding it in now as you waited for her response. Your eyes squeezed shut in shame, but when Jude looked at you for confirmation, she saw what she believed was fear.

“Y/n? Is this true?” Jude spoke slowly to you, softly.

You didn’t dare open your eyes, you didn’t believe you’d be able to go through with the harsh lie that you had begged Kit to see through. Instead, you only nodded in response. A choked back sob escaped from you, your handcuffed hands covering your face as you continued sobbing into them.

Jude believed you were crying because of being assaulted, no idea that you were actually crying because of his terrible you felt.

“I’m..” Jude started lowly, shaking her head slowly as she looked back to Kit, her entire body filling with rage. “I am just so.. incredibly… utterly disgusted right now. Kit, you..” she points her finger at him as she attempts to control her anger, her finger noticeably shaking, “you think being here allows you to do as you please with women?! Th-that you can force a woman to sleep with you on MY account, in MY kitchen?!”

You still couldn’t bring yourself to look at what was happening before you, only squeezing your eyes shut even tighter if it were possible as you listened to Jude’s voice raise into a scream — a scream directed towards Kit.

“You have some real nerve, boy.”

You tore your hands from your face at the sound of skin against skin, realizing that Jude had made her way in front of Kit and had just slapped him hard against his cheek. Your eyes were wide in seeing how angry and upset Jude was over this, shocked by it honestly. It seems to be personal to her.

“I will not have a rapist on this property.” She spat at him. Kits face dropped towards the ground, his shoulder slumping forwards in his own shame even though he had nothing to be ashamed of.

You wanted so badly to hug him and to tell him you were sorry, to tell Jude he was lying at the cost of your sterilization punishment. That he was lying for you. But before you could even manage to attempt speaking up, Jude had Kit pulled to his feet and was pushing him past you to the door.

“Well, I will just show you what happens to rapists on this property.” She pushed him out of the door, kit nearly stumbling over his own feet but allowing her to push him where she wanted him to go. You stood to your feet now and quickly walked out of the door and following behind them. “Do you realize the trauma you have caused this woman?!” Jude yelled at him as they entered her office, her finger now pointing at you as you stood wide eyed. “Do you understand what being sexually assaulted does to a woman?! Of course not, you’re a man. A pig.” She spits out again, turning and walking to you now.

You sucked in another deep breath as she approached and stood in front of you now, her eyes softening with what looked like sympathy for you. She felt bad for you. And it was so wrong because it didn’t actually happen, Kit never forced you, in fact one could argue that you initiated the sex.

“I am terribly, terribly sorry you had to go through that, my dear. No woman should ever have to. I do understand the pain you’re experiencing.” She spoke softly to you, her finger tips gliding down your cheek gently, comfortingly. But it didn’t feel that way against your skin, it felt like razor blades cutting you deep for your lie. You felt disgusted in yourself by the comfort this woman was showing you, comfort you didn’t deserve in the slightest. “He will pay for his behavior. You will redeem your deserved justice by watching him suffer.”

Her words cut deep like a knife, your heart dropping into your stomach when you realized what was going to happen.

“Show him no mercy.” She said to the men standing beside the two of you, them nodding and immediately walking to Kit.

“Wait that’s- it’s not neces—“

“He needs to pay. A lesson that greedy men deserve nothing.” She cut you off, walking back to Kit who only stood silently. He didn’t object, he didn’t intervene, he didn’t beg or plead. He readied himself for the beating that was to come, to be sure that you wouldn’t be sterilized. He was going to see it through. And you looked at him apologetically for everything you’ve caused by your selfishness. This wasn’t what you were expecting. You surely didn’t want to witness the abuse he’d endure. You honestly thought that they’d maybe lock him up for awhile and forget about it, but no, that wasn’t the case here.

You realized the very big mistake you’ve made.

And Kit quickly realized you were about to slip up, confess. He shook his head at you while Jude was looking away, your face scrunching in confusion as to why he wouldn’t want you to confess. You wanted to stop this, stop him from what was about to happen. But he silently begged you to keep your mouth closed. Your eyes burned into his trying to understand, soon realizing that if you did confess, this wouldn’t just go away either. If you confessed that it was all a lie now, not only would you both be sterilized, but you’d both likely be beat to near death. He was telling you that this was better than what would be if you told the truth now.

So you stayed silent, and you watched in complete horror as Kit was beaten. At some point you could no longer stomach it, looking away and trying your hardest not to vomit. They truly weren’t showing any mercy. The screams that came from Kit were now imbedded in your head, the bloody sight on his on the ground curled up in a ball replaying every time you closed your eyes. It was horrifying to see, and that was your own punishment for your selfishness.

By the end of it, they carried Kit away while you stood hugging yourself tightly, unable to move your eyes from the ground. Even when Jude approached you once more, speaking to you but you not hearing a single word. Jude believed it was shock from everything you had experienced. She had a nurse guide you to the Common Room and help you comfy yourself with a glass of water and a blanket.

And you sat in that chair, curled up, unable to pry your mind away from itself. You felt numb, sick, disgusted in yourself. You couldn’t bring your hand to grab the water for a drink no matter how dry your mouth was. You simply couldn’t move. As if you were frozen in that spot watching Kit be nearly killed because of you, over and over again. It felt cruel that the world would make you relive it, but you knew you deserved to feel this way.

Selfishness is the Devils work.

Hours passed by and you never moved a muscle. Jude noticed and had another nurse guide you to your cell to have you lay down. She was taking such good care of you, care you didn’t deserve. It was wrong and unfair.

When night fell, you finally pulled yourself from your thoughts and decided you needed to see him. You figured he was in the infirmary after the wounds he’d received. So once you were sure everyone was asleep, you snuck from your cell and made your way quietly and carefully all the way down to the infirmary, double checking that no one was around before entering.

“Kit?” You whispered into the silence. The room was dark, you could barely make out anything before you and had to feel your way around, finally making it to the bed. You heard the creaks of it intending someone was on it. You crouched yourself down so you could be eye level with the man who was resting on it. Your eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness allowing you to finally see better, scanning him from head to toe. He was now handcuffed to the side rails of the bed, as if he’d be able to do anything in this state.

You couldn’t see well, but enough to notice the bruises on his face and down his arms. They made you sick all over again. You could’ve hurled if you allowed yourself to, but you held back, swallowing hard before looking back to his black and blue swollen face.

“Kit?” You whispered again.

“I can’t really open my eyes.” You heard him respond, your jaw clenching at his words. More guilt washed over you and you rested your head against the side of the bed as tears formed in your eyes.

“I’m s-so sorry” your voice cracked as you spoke. “I’m so selfish, I don’t know what I was thinking… I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t think about the consequences. God im so sorry I made this happen to you.”

Kit couldn’t move much due to being restricted by his hands cuffed to the rails on either side of him, but he did turn his head towards you, letting his forehead lean into your head. You lifted it when you felt him, furrowing your brows wondering how he could possibly be comforting you right now. You deserved nothing from him, you wouldn’t blame him if he absolutely hated you because the feeling of yourself was mutual.

“They got me loaded up on meds.” He chuckled. “M’alright darlin. I’ll be fine. It’s over.”

You just gazed at him the best you could in the darkness, occasionally glancing at the different bruises and marks on his face. You couldn’t accept his acceptance of the situation. You didn’t want to be forgiven for begging him to do what he did. This was on you and it baffles you that he wasn’t angry.

“I’ll make it right with you, I promise you.” You whispered out, your hands now caressing his cheek ever so gently. He hummed in response, the feeling of your hands against his skin warming and comforting. “Whatever you need, say it. I’ll do anything. Whatever it takes.”

“Be the mother you want to be someday. Get out of this place and fulfill that dream. That’s all I want.”

You felt a tug on your heart, your eyes closing in response and even more shame filling you. You let out a quiet sigh before leaning your head down next to his and letting your foreheads rest against the others again. You only wanted this nightmare to be over, but you knew you owed everything to this man for not allowing them to take your fertility from you. You owed him everything, and you were going to see that through.

—

Tags: @evanpetersmood @witchsbitchestime @demxnicprxncess @yes-divine-ruler @shjjpm m @evanpsrealwife @iruzias @jangsuzchap @quicksilversg1rl @submissiveforahsmen @angelmenace @lovelizzie-blog1 @justa19 @daylas-life @simp4petermaximoff @totta69

[tired-biscuit]

Also Ms.Biscy there is no way in HELL your soulmate wouldn’t feel that yall belong together. Like if anything Kiba is like “Something feels weird…this doesn’t feel right.” But then he sees you ONCE randomly and is like “Oh….its you huh?”

the problem is that he’s really, really, i mean REALLY stubborn! so if he has a partner who he’s in a happy relationship with for example, i see him trying his hardest to keep it that way, going like, “fuck no, i don’t want this; my life is perfect the way it is because i’ve built it brick by brick all by myself.”

but then the bond keeps on tugging, making him lose more and more interest in his current partner, and it freaks him the fuck out because it’s literally forcing itself upon him. so in his panicked state, he feels the need to refuse it twice as strongly, you know? nobody tells him what to do; not even some stupid soulmate link!

and he knows, he knows what’s happening somewhere deep down, but he continues on blinding himself from the truth and trying to push his head through the wall because that’s just the way he is and because he cares for his partner even if all his incredibly foolish choices prove otherwise, and because he wants to keep running things his own way.

…and then eventually he ends up slipping and cheats because he’s only human and he can’t fight situations like these no matter how badly he wants to. and he feels like shit for it; especially because being with his soulmate feels… good.

[ax-y10]

hiii!!! do you think you could do a young wilbur soot x gn! reader where they’re 16/17 and the reader gets her drivers license finally but you and wilbur have been broken up for a year so you drive past his house? or base it off of olivia rodrigos drivers license song because i’m totally not going through that in my life rn 😅

I Know (We Weren't Perfect)

I hope you feel better 💕

In which- You've been broken up for a year, but you can't help but go back and find out the truth.

A/N: lol where I live, we don't get our licenses till we're 18 or smth like that. Imma try my hardest cause I haven't listened to Olivia Rodrigo's music in ages and I don't have my license so... Also, I'm so sorry this took so long. I have my motivation back now. I'm also really shit at endings and I am on the verge of genuinely crying so I had to try and make the ending happy for me, I'm sorry. I did try my hardest, but I don't want to cry.

Chapter info: bittersweet, poor Olivia Rodrigo recall, sad reader, sad everyone ig, driving, reminiscing, swearing, loud music, somewhat alright ending (I didn't cry WOOHOO)

Pronouns: None (You/Yours)

Based off of this song:

Masterlist:

---

You had always talked about this moment with him. You were both so excited for this moment. You had both talked about this since you were children, and how excited you both were.

But it didn't quite work out in your favours.

He had recently broken up with you. You weren't sure why. But it left you in shambles, your head screaming for an explanation. You genuinely loved him. So fucking much.

People you wish didn't find out, found out. And immediately spread rumours about why he broke up with you. He found another person who made him feel better, he didn't love you anymore, he hated you, he thought you were too much to deal with. You couldn't believe anything they were saying. You didn't believe anything. What blonde girl? Who is the blonde girl? Who are they talking about? What are they talking about?

You knew it wasn't the healthiest coping mechanism, and you knew it was hurting you more than helping, but you just couldn't help it. Driving through the suburbs was a struggle. Your mind kept drifting off and convincing you that you were driving home to him.

You didn't even know if he lived in the same city as you even more.

You still had his phone number, and you got confirmation from Tommy that his phone number was still the same. Time and time again, you tried your very hardest to contact him and ask about what happened, but you couldn't bring yourself to press the 'send' button.

Now, you finally have your drivers license, and oh my god, did it hurt. The minute you found out, you cried in happiness. "I HAVE MY DRIVERS LICENSE" you yelled over the phone to your friend. But little did they know, you curled up under the blankets each night and sobbed. Why was he gone? Why is he suddenly out of your life?

Is he alright? Does he still love me? Does he still know who I am? Does he think about me like I think about him?

These thoughts plagued your mind each night.

You can't even dare to drive past the coffee shop you visited every week, along the road next to the beach, near any of your mutual friends' houses, past your schools.

My goodness, you still love him, it hurts.

And no one understands.

Where is he now?

How is he?

Contacting Phil, your "father figure", your comfort now, you ask how Wilbur is, how he's doing, how he's holding up. If he still thinks of you.

And the answer you got back was certainly mixed.

The message read: (Don't worry, sweet. He is totally alright, he's doing well. I haven't heard anything different from him from when you both were together. And of course, he definitely still thinks of you. Would you like me to come over?)

And you replied: (Yes. Yes. Please. Come over.)

And now here Phil was. On your sofa, next to you, holding you close, letting you cry.

And the message entered your head again. And it all made sense.

Phil hasn't heard anything different. Wilbur used to ramble on and on and on about you to Phil. and nothing has changed. So of course he has to still talk about you. And he still thinks about you. So he is affected by it, but he may also be too scared to reach out to you.

"Phil" You said with a shaky voice.

"What's wrong, sweet?" He replied soothingly, almost entirely like Wilbur. He's learnt how to talk to you like a daughter, instead of a friend.

"Your message. You said you don't hear anything different, and he still thinks of me? But he used to ramble on about me all the time? So does he still do that?" You frantically asked.

He laughed a little, bringing down your hopes, and then he continued.

"Y/n. Of course he still thinks about you. Of course he still rambles about you. It's all positive I promise." And that's when you blurted your true question.

"Can you take me to him? Please? I need to see him." You pleaded, and Phil lead you out to his car, and off you went.

As soon as you got there, you raced up the front steps, and knocked slightly on the door, awaiting him. What you didn't expect was him on the phone, a can of some drink you didn't know, and a scruffed up house.

As he locked his focus on you, you noticed the weariness behind his eyes, the worry. His eyes widened, and he said goodbye to the person on the phone, and looked at you quizzically. Extending your arms sideways, like you always used to, he placed his hands on your forearms and pushed them back down to your sides.

Tears brimmed your eyes. Did he hate you? Did Phil lie? Does he not want you he-

You felt long, familiar arms wrap around you and lift you off the ground, spinning you around. You were glad he's alright and still thinks of you but you knew you couldn't just immediately go back to being attached at the hip. At the best for the moment, you could go back to being friends.

"I'm so fucking sorry. I was drunk and I didn't know what I was doing. And when I woke up at my house, I was so confused. Please forgive me, I feel so bad for leaving you. I've meant to contact you and apologise, but I couldn't. Please. I still think of you. Please?" He started with no tears, and ended in a sob.

You waved off Phil and walked in with Wilbur.

"Of course I forgive you. Why wouldn't I? I just wish one of us asked or reached out. I really want to go back to what we were, but we can stay as friends, or whatever you want, okay?" You comforted. Now you understand.

"Please. I am happy with going back to what we were. I would like to be friends first but if we can't wait, which I know for a fact is unbearable for both of us-" He laughed. What a joyous sound., "-we can go back."

And that's where the relationship began (for the second time)

---

Again, I do apologise for making it a happy ending. I didn't know which you wanted so I went with what felt fright for me. Hope you enjoyed it.

[jbaileyfansite]

Interview for 'Out Magazine' for Fellow Travelers (2023)

Starting in 1950, hundreds to thousands of gay men and lesbians were fired from government jobs for allegations of homosexuality under the intrusive eyes of Sen. Joseph McCarthy and his chief counsel, Roy Cohn. They were labeled deviants and morally weak. McCarthy and Cohn said that gay people couldn’t be trusted with your children, let alone to run your country. It’s shockingly similar to what’s happening today.

By 1953, President Dwight Eisenhower signed Executive Order 10450, which barred homosexuals from working in the federal government. Five thousand people were not just fired but were outed to their families and communities, effectively and in some cases literally ending their lives. More followed. It wasn’t until the 1970s that this policy barring gay people from federal jobs started to change, and not until 1998 that it completely ended.

In Fellow Travelers, an eight-episode series airing on Showtime this fall, actors Matt Bomer and Jonathan Bailey play Hawk Fuller and Tim Laughlin, two men who meet while working in Washington, D.C., at the start of McCarthyism. They fall in love. For Hawk, this means living an existence of discipline and barriers, hiding who he is so he can build a life working in the government. For Tim, it means losing his career and finding a path that allows him to follow his truth.

In order to survive, Hawk and Tim form a chosen family with two other gay men swept up in the big political and cultural changes happening: journalist Marcus Hooks (Jelani Alladin) and drag-queen-turned-activist Frankie Hines (Noah J. Ricketts). Throughout the four decades covered in the series, the four men come back into each other’s lives when things get hardest. For the four out stars of the show, forming that kind of found family was important in order to be able to play some of the most complex and challenging (but rewarding) roles of their careers. That family found its leader in Bomer, a veteran actor (Magic Mike, The Normal Heart). Bailey, an English actor with an extensive background in theater, is internationally famous as the male lead in season 2 of Netflix’s Bridgerton. Alladin (Frozen) and Ricketts (Frozen, Beautiful: The Carole King Musical) are known for their Broadway roles.

“Matt is such a giver, and he gave to all of us and provided the space for all of us to feel safe, to feel that we can make bold choices and that we can all play along,” Alladin says, thanking Bomer. “And it really connected everybody on set to say, to trust each other. Rarely do I feel like there’s a circle of four queer men or four queer bodies and I feel like we can all say, ‘I would fall on a sword for you.’”

For Bomer and Bailey, that also meant building the kind of trust that allowed them to film some sex scenes that are among the hottest in the careers of two men who have filmed a lot of heated moments. “It’s funny, isn’t it? Personally, when I read the script, I didn’t think it was explicit,” Bailey laughs. “I think it’s so important. You can’t tell the queer love story and not show how the sex is so intrinsic.”

“It’s all something that is hard to talk about to people who come together and have separate bodies,” he adds. “But if you exist in the same body, how you negotiate that and what that means, how being submissive [affects sex], and well, really what is kink…. It’s all a thing. I just think it’s a really hearty and honest examination of something which I know I’ve always yearned to see properly explored.”

Bomer says they were able to explore that because they had conversations throughout filming the scenes. “We could call audibles on the fly or really communicate with each other or say we wanted to try this or that, so it all felt pretty free,” he says. “And in terms of the story, all those scenes really carry the story forward. Their relationships are not the same after those above scenes as they were before. So they’re all intrinsic and inherent to the story.”

“I think it’s so nuanced and personal, isn’t it? The way that people have sex is so presumed,” Bailey says. “It definitely was the first time that I’ve seen a light being shown on the roles within a gay relationship and power and status with being submissive and dominant.”

“But to me, what I find interesting, it’s a give and take between the two,” he continues. “So actually it’s not one person going, ‘I’m now going to do this.’ It’s like they move as a unit. And I think that’s beautiful. And I feel like it always is negotiation, and I’m always interested in people who identify as one role, and I would wonder what that is.”

He points to the first time Hawk and Tim have sex, where Hawk takes on the dominant (top) role, and the last time, when Tim takes charge. “Literally, it’s a complete reversal,” he points out. “It’s a love story. So that bleeds into these scenes. So even in the way they have sex, it’s always about generosity and communication. And that is essentially how I feel how this whole show was made on generosity and communication and truth.”

While the sexual intimacy is groundbreaking in the show, the intimacy is there for the characters in other ways too. Because the actors played the characters throughout four decades of their lives, they were presented with a unique opportunity to showcase development — especially for Alladin and Ricketts, who know the importance of showing Black queer love on screen.

“There’s also something so powerful in telling this story to the world right now in hope of either educating or simply revealing to those who don’t understand that love can happen in all shapes, sizes, and forms, and be inside of all people,” Alladin says. “And that it should not be something that is limited by law or limited by the venom of segregation.”

“For me, some of the intimacy that I enjoy the most in this series is when we’re all old,” he continues. “Because they’re still caring for one another. I’ll never forget shooting that scene in the bedroom in one of the later episodes where we’re at age 80 and we’re still connected, we’re still loving each other. That’s something I’ve never seen — caring that lasts through decades.”

For Ricketts, playing the role of a Black gay man who is a drag performer in an illegal gay bar in the ’50s and then becomes an activist and organizer throughout the rest of his life, caused him to look at his own life and priorities.

“I think there’s something so beautiful and beautifully hard about being yourself in a world that is determined to hate you,” Ricketts says. “And playing Frankie, a character that was out and loud and proud with a glossy lip and a painted nail. It really forced me to look inward at the way I moved through the world and see if I’m coming out authentically, if I’m moving in the world authentically. And so I hope that as people watch this, they ask themselves that question so we can break down these barriers of hypermasculinity and feeling like we have to change who we are to subscribe to societal norms.”

“I think living out loud and living as an effeminate person in the world, you put on a type of armor,” he continues. “There is a lot of fear underneath that. And even though to the external world, you’re going out there being brave, what I tried to show was that it’s actually a really difficult thing to stand up and be yourself. There’s a lot of emotion underneath that. And so I think throughout the years, you beat someone down one time and you get stronger the next time. And I think that’s what you see in Frankie’s evolution.”

“It’s amazing to see how much [Frankie’s] priorities shift as the world shifts through the decades. And I think that’s what I responded to so much, is that my character Frankie gives up, puts his heels away to fight the good fight and to make a better existence for the people that come after him,” he says. “And I think that’s something that’s so real for queer people that it’s a call to action. We don’t have the luxury of hanging back. We have to fight for everything that we have.”

That fight became even more real for each of the actors the more they learned about the real Lavender Scare — the aforementioned persecution of queer people in the U.S. government — a history lesson that’s not taught in most schools. “I had no idea it was a thing, and I was embarrassed by that,” Alladin admits. “I was ashamed of that. Why was that chapter skipped in the history books? Why not in social studies class? It is 101, and here we are staring in the mirror being like, Well, did anything change? Well, no. Because we didn’t teach it. We haven’t taught it. So therefore, how can you learn the lesson?”

“I think there’s so much erasure that happens of queer history in general that I’m happy this exists because it forces people to ask the question, Did this really happen? And to seek out answers for themselves,” Ricketts adds. “And the answer is, ‘Yeah, it’s real.’ And it’s happening again today. So yeah, call to action, babies!”

“A lot of the transformations that we’ve seen in the community come from Black and brown bodies that really put themselves out on the street and out on the front lines to fight the fight. And so that’s something that I knew, but it’s amazing to see that it didn’t just happen at Stonewall, it happened in San Francisco and other places with the street queens, that they were out there really going to jail, fighting for their lives so that we could have what we have today,” he says. “And I just think it’s so beautiful to show that. I’m happy that it’s represented.”

Before the July photo shoot for this article, Alladin and Bailey had the chance to go to London Pride together, something both actors say they’ll never forget. “I think it was really crazy to have to experience Pride in New York City and to land in London and experience Pride in London and feel that it’s almost exactly the same,” Alladin says. “There’s a need to release joy. There’s a need to feel that. The world is trying to squish it out of the community with every law that’s being passed, every kind of denial of existence. And you’re like, I just want to enjoy one day.”

Bailey says that working on the show has made him more aware of the political fervor at Pride than any time he’s been previously, and it’s causing him to examine how he uses his platform to fight for LGBTQ+ rights. And Bomer also felt that this year’s Pride was a special one — particular in the wake of Supreme Court decisions that struck down affirmative action and opened the door to businesses discriminating against LGBTQ+ people.

“In light of the past week in all the Supreme Court rulings, it was so important for me personally yesterday just to go out into the streets and take in the Pride celebrations and the sense of community and hope and joy and love that everyone was feeling,” he says. “And to allow that to fill my cup a little bit and inspire me to educate myself and form myself to do what I can and keep moving forward and in the most productive way possible for our community.”

Bomer also wants to make sure he honors those who fought to get us where we are today. “I was fortunate enough to be in Houston last week for the 20th anniversary of Lawrence v. Texas [the SCOTUS ruling invalidating U.S. sodomy laws], and it was so profound for me to meet members of the community in Houston who I was totally unaware of,” he says. “There are generations of heroes who are doing the real grassroots behind-the-scenes work who don’t want accolades, who don’t want awards, who are doing the real work that’s changing all of our lives. And I think I value that today more than I ever have before.”

“For me, I think Pride is always a time to reflect on how far we’ve come but also to realize how much further we have to go,” Ricketts says. “And I think that’s what I’d say to the younger communities, is really understand and know how we got here in the first place and figure out what your form of fighting is. If it’s just showing up in the world authentically as you, that’s wonderful. If it’s getting on a podium and preaching until midnight, that’s wonderful too. But we all need each other and no one can sit back and rest. We have to keep fighting in the fight.”

Talking about queer joy as a form of activism at Pride makes Alladin think of a note he was given during filming from series creator Ron Nyswaner (Philadelphia) about the balance of difficulty and joy found in the series.

“Ron gave me a note one day,” Alladin recalls. “I texted him being like, ‘I’m watching all this research on the ’80s and the AIDS crisis and I’m just sitting here crying.’ He was like, ‘Yeah, but Jelani, I still went to birthday parties. I still found a way to play games with my friends. I still found a way to have a beer and enjoy that.’ So there is still some semblance of light being found in darkness and chaos.”

“When I was in Houston, I was at home with one of the activists and he was showing me pictures from the time period,” Bomer contributes. “And obviously, there was so much heartbreak and loss, but there was also so much celebration and so much joy. It’s really the balance.”

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