#also we still have the migraine and I still can't really see properly

[thethingything]

we struggled to get to sleep, woke up after 2 hours because we had a nightmare and started having a panic attack in our sleep, then struggled to get back to sleep again so in total we've had maybe 2 and a half hours of sleep because honestly what else did I expect from trying to wake up an hour or two after hour body wants to sleep 🙃

[thessalian]

Thess vs Performance Review 2024

Well, performance review finally happened. Not that I was particularly stressed about it - honestly, I don't have the energy for that shit. I know damn well they can't afford to lose me, and that must translate to a good performance review, right? I mean, surely they know as well as I do how much they can't afford to have me not doing even the hours I currently do.

...I had no idea quite how much they understood that. Not even last year's apparent triumph.

Before the review even got underway, it was, "Oh, hey, did you ever hear back about that monitor you asked about?" When my response was, "Nooooooo and I did ask again back in July, and I also noticed it's been giving me headaches that sometimes spark migraines", Scruffman was very much on it. As an aside - just to have it on record, as we were talking about equipment - I mentioned that I'd figured out why I kept having the electronic patient record system crash on me. It's not the server that's lacking memory - it's this very old i5-running POS laptop. I checked out Task Manager earlier, and it turns out that that fucking machine is quite often hitting 100% CPU and RAM capacity. Like, regularly. I mean, it's hardly a surprise, when you think about it - Windows is now rolling out some of its AI features onto Win10 machines, which is a resource hog right there on top of Win10's usual bloat, plus the various security features that have to be running on a machine handling patient data. But that old Dell just can't handle that shit without horking occasionally, in the same way you shouldn't feed very small children whole grapes - you have to cut them in half first.

Anyway, Scruffman was very much, "Oh, okay, we should be proactive about this because we want you to have all the tools you need." I was ... a little stunned, but said I'd email him a summary of our conversation about my current equipment so he could escalate it to Head Honcho. He was, again, very jazzed about this. I swallowed my surprised blink as best I could, and on we went.

Honestly, I wasn't surprised for long, because we got right into the "core values" section, which ranks a bunch of workplace stuff from Needs Improvement to Exceeds Expectations. I actually put "Exceeds Expectations" on a few more things this year than I did last year, and Scruffman told me it still wasn't enough. We had the same conversation where I explained that I just have very high expectations of myself. But he said something different this year. This year, he said, "Yeah, just I really want to make sure you get the maximum possible money because we really love having you and would really hate to lose you".

So ... I ... can apparently expect a raise?!? For some reason, this blows me entirely away. There's not a lot of that about these days. But ... I mean, hey, if he thinks I've earned ALL THE RAISE, I'm not going to argue with him.

Anyway, upshot was that I am apparently magnificent. Which ... I guess. I do my job to the best of my abilities and this is somehow some kind of miracle. Then again, given...

Yeah, there was a conversation about the others too. My dedication to prioritising workload properly (urgent cases, then chronologically) was lauded, and I did point out the cherry-picking going on. (Seriously, it only takes a look at the archives to see it. We're still on yesterday's long-ass bullshit and New Girl was grabbing the short-and-easys from today before yesterday's typing was finished. I can't blame Temp for this one because she wasn't in today, but I figure she does similar.) Let's just say that Scruffman was not pleased. He very seldom gets grim and determined-looking, but I guess given today's performance review, there was a feel of, "Okay, we're going to have to actually do something about this shit because this is the one thing that my star secretary complains about and it probably needs to stop". I can't expect him to stop it completely, mind - he'd have to be hovering over their shoulder at all times - but the fact that he's going to have a word at all is saying something.

Not that that helped at the end of today, or anything. By the time my performance review meeting was finished, my forms signed off by both parties, and my overworked ass was sitting back down ... well. There was almost nothing in the queue that didn't top five minutes. The first three on the list were 9, 6, and 20 minutes respectively. (Yeah, you read right - twenty fucking minutes. Of course it was Breast Guy.) Now, my meeting was in the afternoon, I still had some mid-length but persnickety stuff in my queue, there was a five-minute urgent case that no one wanted to touch, and I hoped that someone would pick up at least one or two of the longer ones by the time I was done. Just so that it wouldn't all be sitting there for the duration. Nope. New Girl picked up a thirty-second one from this morning at about 4pm and was gone after that. (I still don't know what hours she works, but I have a feeling it's not as many as her contract states...). Goblin tried, but ... nope. I did the nine and six minute ones, which took a half-hour between them because they were from one of our worst word salad individuals. I could obviously make it make sense - that's my job - but it takes time. So ... well, that twenty minute long Breast Guy monstrosity is someone else's problem.

Thing is ... there's a reason I try not to do long dictations at the end of the day. It's because by then, I'm tired and usually having pain flares. Today's no different, but I had to vent a bit. And maybe brag a tiny bit.

Anyway, happy Halloween / Veilguard day! I'm pondering treating myself to takeaway. I did good. (And also I hurt a lot and not-cooking feels like a thing.)

[dollyboned]

i hate having mcas.

that's it. i said it.

it's so tiring. i can't run, or go for long walks, or just sweat a little. i don't have enough strength for staying up for more than 20min, i can't eat some spices that i totally adore, and my spoons are usually so low. sometimes i simply don't want to get out of bed because im so tired but i have to do so anyway, and usually it happens when i know i'll have p.e. classes. i don't think i completed the two classes since the start of the academic year (february) without stopping and sitting and breathing heavily and feeling so itchy because i can't exercise too much or my histamine levels go high as the sky and being covered by sweat is like wearing a full costume made out of histamine, that im *specially* allergic to.

i see people running and jumping and simply walking under the sun and i feel like im missing something because im so young yet so limited. i should be able to be just fine if the climate changes, or if there's something spicy in the food, or if i need to walk a little, or if i just need to walk by a slightly inclined street, but im totally not able to be "just fine" and move on. my dad gets worried everytime we come back from school and i almost faint because of the exercise, and even though i try to explain how i feel, i know he still thinks that maybe it'd be better if i just exercised a little more to build up strength — and he's not the devil because he can't understand it as we only discovered my histamine intolerance this year because of some medical exams i made when i was 4 and my pediatrist never properly explained. i was 4 and now im 15 — it's basically 11 years being exposed to something im deeply allergic to and never understanding why i'd never get better from dermatitis and why i was so weak.

i feel fragile. my parents know i hate being seen as fragile and breakable and weak yet i can't take any longer. im constantly itching, my mind is always kinda numb, im always tired, my periods always hurt, i have constant migraines, my mood swings are worsening and on top of everything comes the game changer: im also neurodivergent. there's always going to exist someone that have the energy to do everything, and that's not me. socially im basically incapable of approaching people i find cool, the amount of work i've got to do to simply exist like a normal person is unbearable and yet i have to be responsible, good, well mannered, pretty, smart, cool, cute, role model, the best. i never learned to fail. i was always the smartest, the joyful, the responsible, the "i wish your grades were like her's" — i feel so bad to everyone who felt so little next to me because i never wanted anyone to live under a shadow of a version of me that i can't even recognize or remember anymore.

the little me would've looked at me with fear on her eyes and asked if we are failing for being so weak and so tired we can't even really care about learning something. are we really failing? i'm just so tired. i could do better if i wasn't constantly battling in order to only navigate my days without this haunting exhaustion taking me over, or if my head didn't hurt that bad, or if my emotional regulation was a little bit more effective, or if the sounds weren't so loud and the light so bright and people so confusing. i could do better if i wasn't restraining myself from eating something i love because i don't want an allergic reaction, or if i could just stim around, or if i could run around under the sun and laugh about it after. maybe if i had some adjustments my life would get so better. i don't want to run with anyone to feel like im part of something; i just want to feel okay with every aspect of myself, and maybe feeling okay is sitting down everytime i feel tired and taking medicine everytime there's an allergic reaction going on, not reducing myself to grades and stop wearing a damn mask in order to be liked.

i hate having mcas, i hate how my scoliosis correction surgery is never taken seriously when it comes to "it's painfully tiring to carry titanium inside me everyday", and i hate how misunderstood i am. i get it now: im not lazy, im simply chronically exposing myself to a lot of things and now my body is totally overloaded. i've been deeply sick for the past weeks and it's caused mainly by the overwhelming sensation of getting up, getting tired, being misunderstood and having everything to do when i don't have that energy to expend. i want to sleep, watch things about my favorite anime, write a little about it, allow myself to really rest for the first time in my life, eat healthy things that aren't like an allergy bomb inside my organism and i really, really, really want to get to live again, being understood and taken seriously, not ever being called lazy or nothing else. i just want to control what happens to myself and stop feeling on the verge of tears everytime i have to do something that requires movements and focus.

little me would be so sad we lost control over our own body to an allergy that could've been minimized before it ruined our life.

[cryptidsurveys]

Thursday, November 21st, 2024.

Were you alone today? I've spent a lot of time alone, but my dad is here as well.

Who was the last person you saw today? My dad.

What do you need to let go of? Fear of judgement, feeling not good enough, this sense of identity and safety in my eating disorder instead of in my own personality and abilities.

What movie are you looking forward to? I might go see Wicked with my mom in the near future. She wanted to go next week during one of my days off (Wed-Thurs), but I was feeling the time crunch because I have therapy on Wed and lots of cooking and baking to do to get ready for Thanksgiving. I'm also not entirely sure what I'm doing on the day-of. If I'm going to the shelter or not. So…if it's still in theaters, we may go the week after.

Have you played the lottery? I've played scratch tickets. My mom and I used to go for coffee and do those crossword ones.

What recently happened that made you proud of yourself? Realizing that I'm probably ready for at least part time employment at the animal shelter.

Who did you see the most today? My dad.

How much is gasoline per gallon? My dad was out the other day and saw that it was under three dollars, which is down significantly from the last time I noticed the price.

What was your horoscope today? Was it accurate? The planets are moving you into a new cycle, Pisces. Soon you will be in a new "story." You will have to take stock of what you've learned in previous weeks. Who you are is related to the degree of peace you have in your life and whether or not you've been able to resolve some conflicts. Did you learn your lessons well? Without a doubt, you have a gift for calming tense situations. Definitely feel like I've been taking stock of everything I've learned; not just over the past few weeks, but over the past few years. Attempting to avoid old cycles or patterns of behavior, or face them differently this time around. Placing a lot of importance on peace and contentment. Trying to do more things that bring joy to my life. Not sure I have a gift for calming tense situations, but maybe that's where all those past lessons will come into play.

What are you most afraid of? Losing my dad, winding up homeless, never forming strong bonds/relationships.

What’s the biggest thing you have going on? Volunteering.

What did you accomplish today? Made some art in the early morning hours before the sun blasted through my bedroom window. Jotted down some recipes for Thanksgiving. Will be baking a cream cheese brownie pie after lunch. Also need to throw in a load of laundry and clean the litter boxes later.

Did you act your age today? I guess so.

How busy was your day today? It's been the opposite of busy.

What is your address?

What do you wish there was less of in the world? Hatred, violence, ignorance, illness, loneliness, etc.

What is stopping you? From…? I mean, I guess it doesn't really matter "what" specifically. The answer is almost always MIGRAINES.

What were your chores today? Laundry and litter boxes.

What was the last thing that made you laugh out loud? I'm not sure.

Who did you eat dinner with? Myself.

How did you make a difference in the world today? I haven't made a significant difference.

What is one thing you take with you everywhere? A water bottle.

The last gift I’ve given was __. My time and company…? If that counts.

Ever wake up early on Saturdays to go Garage Sale shopping? Naw.

When was the last time you got a nose bleed? A few weeks ago.

Do you have any picture frames without a picture in them? Probably somewhere.

Do you keep magazines by your toilet? I don't. Sometimes I'll read the backs of shampoo and lotion bottles if I'm going to be stuck there for a bit, though.

What did you last take a picture of with your camera? It was a photo of Miss Mae, one of the kitties at the shelter.

The last time you got dressed up, where did you go? I can't even remember the last time I got properly dressed up.

Are you proud of who you are? In some ways.

If you were a waiter/waitress, would you make good tips? Heck if I know.

Forget about toppings. What type of CRUST do you like on pizzas? Thick, bubbly, the right combination of crunchy and chewy.

Have you ever stolen a road sign or traffic barrier? I stole a traffic cone once.

Captain Crunch vs. Count Chocula: Who makes the better cereal? I don't think I've ever had Count Chocula before.

Would you prefer an ice cream sundae or an ice cream cone? Sundae.

Is chapstick a necessity for you? Sometimes.

What are the best kind of Girl Scout cookies? Thin mints.

Do you constantly doubt yourself? Not constantly, but I do have a tendency to doubt myself…perhaps without a valid reason.

Do you like to have ice in your drinks? Yeah.

What did you eat for breakfast? My usual oatmeal concoction.

What song are you most likely to sing in the shower? Idk.

Can you cross your eyes? Yeah.

When was the last time you went to the dentist? Far too long ago.

If a color represented your mood right now what color would it be and why? Maybe sage green or a dusty periwinkle blue. They're comforting and calming, but they also have this slightly melancholic, introspective vibe. Like, I'm generally happy, but if I got too caught up in my thoughts or dwelled too deeply, I could wind up in a weird place.

[fandomohana]

So this blog for the time being, is just devolving into where I hide my mental health issues, and as I have nowhere to turn, and I'm mentally chewing my leg off to escape a bear trap, I'm gonna unload here.

Huge unloading under the break, you've been warned. But then no one pays attention to me, so whatevs.

Let's start with my house. I haven't been able to properly, fully clean my house in close to two years. A spot clean here and there is all my brain will allow. I haven't been able to even do that in weeks or months, burnout is that deep. My house is gross. I'm putting everything off unless it'll kill someone or one of the animals, which is why I keep the fish tank clean. There is stuff everywhere, including a mountain of free stuff that gets sent to my mom in the mail with donation requests. There are still Christmas totes in the foyer. Our rugs have hairballs all over them because bending over to pick them up is too much. The carpet on the steps is so hairy, it's turning gray instead of it's normal brown. I can barely maneuver in the house because of the narrow paths.

The outside cats. The outside cat population that exploded thanks to neighbors who abandoned their unaltered female, is continuing to be a scary mess. The three girls who all gave birth this spring, are semi feral, meaning getting them spayed is gonna be extra fun. We tried it once before, I ended up in urgent care with bites. The cost of all this is terrifying, some of the kittens are still semi feral, one of the moms is heavily pregnant, and my brain just wants to shut down.

My uncle is a mess all on his own, and has gotten himself mixed up in who knows what, because he's a slightly socially more adept version of me, but his mental illnesses are totally untreated.

There's a guy who I've never trusted who manages my grandparents farm for us. He wants my mom to add to the farm, I think he wants to play big farm man using my mom's inheritance, and I'm still not convinced he didn't rob my grandparents house after they left to go to the nursing home.

We have a groundhog that dug a tunnel under the driveway, and in mitigating that issue, we're having our unfinished attic finished. Only issue, there is almost 50 years of my parents, my, and my sister's lives in that attic. Everything has to be moved. I can't get up and down the attic stairs more than a few times.

My health, I'm having weird dizzy spells, migraines, my left foot just doesn't want to work properly, my knees are fussy, which is normal, my hip is messed up, my shoulders are messed up from falling down the stairs last week...and I'm having problems with balance.

My mom depends on me as a sounding board, and sometimes I feel like she's looking to me for permission to do things? Things I don't have the say so to decide on, cause I don't hold the purse strings. Her anxiety makes me more anxious, my dad was the one who could usually mitigate the extra stress, but he died 10 years ago, so it's all on me as my sister lives 1000 miles away.

I have nowhere to turn. I have no one I can really talk to. I'm trying to figure this shit out on my own, and I'm flat out too damn exhausted.

Also decided tonight that I don't deserve food, so we'll see how long I can keep that up.

[submitforher]

hi angel !!!!

i hope your trip went smoothly and you got everything done that you needed to! i hope you also got the time to rest and relax and see everything you had wanted to see before going. i still can't quite wrap my head around a 20 hour drive (i think the most i've ever done is 6 or 7!) but i really hope you're feeling okay and got home safe. ♥︎

thank you for all of your kind words and congratulations :') what a sweet boy you are! it's an area i've been interested in for a long time and am glad to be leaping into trying for myself for the first time properly. although, im nervous to start actually working on it. and thank you for being so trustworthy and promising to keep my secrets. ^^ and you were so sweet about my birthday too. it passed by pretty quickly actually and it's been a busy week where i actually did some exciting things, but i still had a really nice time. i hope you did too. maybe we can celebrate late together.

i missed you so much and missed your words and your voice and everything. i'm glad you're coming home to me. thank you for always being so kind to me.

- 🐻

baby bear!! i never got to rest that much while i was there because there were more things for us to gather than we had thought, my grandmother was kind of a hoarder. lots of memories, documents, her extensive doll collection... our trailer was stacked full of her belongings. i never got to sightsee but there wasn't much there for me to see and we were trying to get back home. 20 hours is kind of nothing to me because i've been on a 40 hour drive (!!) before, there and back. it's stressful being on the road and being far away from home. i hope i'd never have to go on that drive again. i've been kind of sick after i got home though. allergy attacks, migraine, sore throat... i've been hating life right now but hopefully i'll get well soon!

it wouldn't be like me for me to not keep your secrets, there's some things that are meant to be kept between us or to ourselves and i'm fully understanding of that. i'd never go against that. i'm sorry that i couldn't be here for your birthday, baby bear. it's not like i forgot but thursday, we were getting the rest of the things that we had to get loaded up and then we were back on the road for the rest of the day. it's no excuse though, i would've been here if i could and i'll make it up to you. we can have a belated celebration whenever. i hope that it was a memorable day for you!!

i missed you to death, missed everything about you. home is where the heart is and i'm home when i'm with you. i'm not going anywhere else, baby bear.

[hexagon-club]

Thought I'd respond to the one person in the comments who so far has been brave enough try and answer these questions. Doing this through a reblog because I don't think I could do it properly in the comments on account of so many words.

So a person with a female reproductive system is a woman, but also a person with a female reproductive system may also not be a woman? Not really useful as a definition then. Unless you can provide some clear guide on what those exceptions are.

The thing about the "what is a woman?" question is that's not meant to test your knowledge. It's meant to test your honesty. You can't really be trans if you don't know what a woman is, you have to know what it is you're trying to mimic or get away from in order to adopt this identity. But admitting that you know what a woman is would be admitting that you still are one (or are not one). So we just get this absolute ouroboros of logic instead.

So a lesbian is attracted to female anatomy, except for when they aren't. Another tautology, the thing about taxonomic classifications is they have to exclude something in order to be useful. So for "lesbian" to exist as a discrete category, there needs to be some idea of what makes someone not a lesbian. If it's just an undefined vibe that anyone can have, then it's just another word for "person". Also the phrase "asexual lesbian" is going to give me an absolute migraine. The absolute nonsense phrases this site invents...

Transgenderism (the idea that gender can change) is real and transracialism (the idea that race can change) is fake... because gender can change and race can't change. More circular reasoning. The funny thing is that if you go through the transrace and transracial tags it's mostly people being salty about the fact that transgenderism is accepted and they are treated as a joke. And they have a point, they are basing their identities on the exact same logic as a transgender person bases theirs on. They are right to be annoyed at the double standard. I've seen people in the transgender community accuse LGB people of throwing them to the wolves in order to try and get mainstream acceptance, do they not see that they are doing exactly this to the transrace community?

Transgender is closer philosophically to transrace than it is to being same sex attracted. In fact, homosexuality and transgenderism have fundamentally different epistemological understandings of what sexual attraction is (same sex attraction vs attraction to identity). So I don't see it as anything more than opportunism that the transgender community would rather associate with the LGBs over the transracials.

Thing is, once you've divorced yourself from the idea that the titles of "man" and "woman" have anything to do with biological sex all you're really left with is stereotypes. I'm not really sure what gender could possibly be if it's not stereotypes. If "man" and "woman" aren't descriptions of biological sex, or descriptions of certain cultural stereotypes, then what the hell are these words?

Words by their very nature arise out of a collective need to identify and communicate a certain idea. If there isn't an agreement on what idea a word represents, that word ceases to serve any purpose. Which is why words have definitions. If you can't explain to me what a woman is, then how am I supposed to take you seriously if you tell me that you are (or are not) one?

This is how all those "I identify as an attack helicopter jokes" started. I know the trans community rolls their eyes at the one joke, but do they have a coherent response to it? If "man" and "woman" are nothing but unfalsifiable identities based on an undefined set of vibes then why can't I be an attack helicopter? Who are you to tell me what my identity is? They've given up on the idea that personal identity should be based on physically observable reality. So I don't see how one set of unfalsifiable beliefs about what I am could make any less sense than another set of unfalsifiable beliefs.

I will denounce being gender critical and become a trans rights activist again if someone can logically answer any of these questions:

What is a woman? (and no, “someone who identifies as one” is not an answer)

How can one be a lesbian (or a straight man) if there is no way to define a woman? What are you realistically attracted to? Someone’s pronouns? Someone’s “sense of self” ? How can sexual orientation exist without a concrete idea of sex/gender?

How can you say that transgender makes sense but transracial does not? If anything shouldn’t it be the other way around because race is literally an intangible and undefinable social category while sex is grounded in biological reality?

How is it “””misogynistic””” to women to say that their femaleness is grounded in biological reality (their bodies, their hormone, their genetic makeup) but not insulting when TIMs say they transitioned to be submissive, to wear makeup, because they feel emotional, etc. (what genius misogynist managed to convince a whole generation that our sexed bodies are regressive and shameful but gender stereotypes are totally empowering!) tldr: why is sex fake but gender is real?

I spent years trying to convince myself that these questions could be answered in a way that uphold transgender ideology so that I wouldn’t be a bigot. But hey, if you can answer any of these I will happily switch camps!

[thebibliosphere]

Only if you have the spoons this is a desperate migraine question

I have chronic intractable daily (ie 24/7 for the past two years) migraine with aura. The past six days have been 9/10 constant pain (I live my life at a 6-7 from my combo of medical issues) , too much nausea to eat, can't sleep, can't function.

My neurologists think I have MCAS/hEDS and I'm already diagnosed hyperPOTS. I can't see an allergist until at least January. My jaw constantly dislocates on one side so that's definitely making the migraine worse, the way the joint has gotten all crooked and asymmetrical.

I'm doing everything I can to see the doctors I need but right now I'm just miserable and what do I do?

Oh, friend, I'm so sorry. I don't know if it's an option for you, but if your neurologist is able to get you into physical rehab specifically for your jaw (and likely some cervical instability, if I'm honest) then that might be a good option to help with the muscle fuckery likely contributing to this.

Instability is one of the major inducing factors for migraines in patients with EDS, and also general hypermobile joint disorders, so getting things stabilized (as much as possible) is often necessary for any kind of long-term relief.

If you visit a chiropractor, I would advise avoiding any neck/jaw/upper back adjustments until you have been properly evaluated, as those adjustments might be causing short-term relief but prolonged damage. Once you know what you're dealing with, you can talk to your doctors about what methods of treatment are safe for you.

As for MCAS... I really hope you are able to find doctors who know how to both test* and treat it, but it makes me hopeful that your neurologist is even aware of it, as histamine is a major factor in chronic migraines and I wish more doctors knew it. (link)

There are many safe and effective mast cell stabilizers a doctor might want you to try, but the first line of defense in MCAS are h1 and h2 histamine blockers, which are things readily available otc like Zyrtec (h1) and Pepcid (h2).

If you're not already on any histamine blockers, I'd talk to your doctor about doing a trial run of something simple like Zyrtec. It's not uncommon for those of us with MCAS and histamine issues to require double the recommended dose to see any benefit, so that might also be good for you to know.

I know these types of meds are available otc, but please Always talk to a doctor before starting any medicine and especially when considering doubling up on any medicine. It's very possible to overdose on antihistamines, though it's more likely on things like Benadryl.

Vitamin D also contributes to mast cell stability, so if you're deficient, (or even if your numbers are just a bit low) I'd suggest getting on a supplement to help give your body the support it needs. (I'm paraphrasing my EDS specialist here, but this can also help with EDS and joint pain, as we burn through our stores quicker from our bodies always needing to repair things!)

You might also want to look at your diet and see if cutting down your histamine intake might help, as there's a good chance if you have MCAS, your body is not processing histamine properly. There are many online lists that talk about Histamine Intolerance, but the most reliable I've found to date—and the one all my health care providers defer to— is the Food Compatibility List from the Swiss Interest Group Histamine Intolerance (SIGHI) (link)

The list is obviously not definitive as everyone's bodies are different in what they react to, but it can be a good starting point to help figure out where there are any potential triggers in your diet that might be causing problems. Try to keep a food diary to find any possible triggers, if you aren't already.

I would highly recommend finding a dietician to help walk you through the elimination and reintroduction process, as it will help you keep track of things, but also ensure you are doing it safely, as extreme low histamine diets are not sustainable long term, and can actually make MCAS worse as your health begins to deteriorate from lack of nutrients. The goal is not zero histamine in the diet, it's to get your body to stop overreacting to safe things so you can eventually add things back in and live as normally as possible.

Again, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Facing any of these diagnoses is hard. All three is just a genetic trifecta of fuckery. The good news is once you start to treat the main issue, the others might settle down too, and hopefully the migraines with it.

Best of luck. I hope you find relief soon and the care you need.

*A lot of the testing is inaccurate, and we desperately need better means of testing. A lot of doctors are now switching to clinical diagnosis based on symptoms and response to mast cell stabilizing treatment. So even if your test results come back "normal" (mine do unless I'm actively anaphylaxing!) and your problems are still persisting, try finding another doctor willing to monitor your response to mast cell disorder treatment methods.

[stardustedknuckles]

Was thinking today that other than a persistent pressure between my legs, I really haven't seen anything change on my dose of T yet and then I realized that for all the headaches and sinus bullshit that's begun since then, for all the gas being worse and whatever, I haven't taken or wanted any weed since I started. The only reason I took it was for the constant inflammation I had been dealing with and I can't explain it, but that low-grade fuzzy feeling that had been in my skin is just. Gone. I've also been able to eat foods I have been afraid to touch for months since they randomly began causing problems I couldn't find the vocabulary to even explain. Gluten, soy, yeast - all of the things I had been trying to narrow down and figure out which of them was hurting me and how...I'm still careful about spacing out when I eat it, but that didn't matter before. Most things are acceptable again, and when I'm not anywhere near my period I have a huge appetite. Estrogen is still fucking with me pretty badly, but it's only been three months on a low dose and despite the hormonal migraine activity, I can tell it's easing up every month.

None of the things that are happening feel new, either. It feels like they were maybe going on before and they were so buried under inflammation that I couldn't experience them properly to label them. I now know that the random panic food causes in me sometimes is silent reflux - my throat feels like it's closing because the acid is touching the esophagus and making the muscle flinch away from it. The hypersensitivity to light around my period and the constant sinus pressure confirm what I've already looked into, that I have "flu-like" period symptoms. It's just clearer now (as it starts to fade). T isn't causing any of these things. They're just taking a while to go away because my cycle will take a while to piss off entirely.

And that's on a half dose. Part of me is worried it won't be enough to completely suppress my cycle and I'll have to go all in just to feel normal more than two weeks at a time, but three months ago it was one week if I was lucky. So I guess we'll cross that bridge if and when we (don't) get there.

And all of this time, I have needed my ADHD meds exactly twice, both for big projects that are specifically leaning on a skill I am especially bad at. So not only am I feeling better for the most part all around, I am feeling better without the meds that have kept me upright and functioning for three years. I have an official fibromyalgia diagnosis. Even if I'm not sure that's exactly what was going on, it is a very big deal that I don't need stimulants just to exist anymore. SOMETHING rheumy was fucked, and at least for now it's doing better (we'll see how next summer goes. it always gets quieter in the fall and seems heat activated.)

[lnkedmyheart]

This year so far...

I finally read the last two chapters for bsd.

Lmao at Dazai dancing with Sigma, that was hilarious and adorable.

Chuuya wtf. See I am not really bothered by the whole him being Dazai's enemy for now. See, if y'all thought Chuuya was gonna come in just to aid Dazai you were not thinking from Dazai's ex partner's perspective. Chuuya never does anything in a way people expect him to. He's too busy trying to be dramatic about things. Anyway, I don't like his redesign at all. The outfit is cool af seriously, I love the fact that vampirism gives you an edgy biker goth aesthetic fashion sense, but like... He's so tiny but now his teeth are so big and the face just looks all kinds of off.

Yuumori dinner party

Billy my boy I adore you man. Yes interact more with Moran, my other favorite. Ah the Hudon/Bond interaction is the iceberg to my Moran/Bond/Moneypenny ship. Just Liam smiling the entire time, can't even send stuff to my cousin cause of the damn eyepatch so I'm just plastering kitty faces onto his head. Sherly once again went "LIAM! " I guess somethings never change. I liked this chapter and honestly it was a nice breather after the past few arcs and now onto NYC arc. I wish we get to see a LOT of Billy and a lot of Sherliam development.

Yea sure, I ship them quite a bit but they really need some time to sit down and talk to each other properly without riddles and that awkward victorian flirting they do.

The return of creepshow art. This one just dug her own grave by admitting to stalk someone all the way back to when they were a middleschooler. Currently binging on all the annoyed people making commentary about her and dragging her because lmao.

Takes from the gas station book update. Reading has been a bit hard with the migraine returning full force but I think I might be able to finish it soon after which I'm thinking of finally getting back to Fingersmith. Maybe Sherlock Holmes instead? Not sure yet.

The song of Achilles is FINALLY available where I live so that's lovely. I probably shouldn't get it right now since I have a lot of reading material for now and should save up a bit.

DC comeback might be by the end of Jan or early Feb so I've gotta save up some. I need that big poster for my room dammit.

Dear door is seriously my favorite mlm explicit manhua(?) that I've ever read. Its both my guilty pleasure with tons of smut and like the most ridiculously adorable ship ever. I still don't know what the plot is because I read most of it while being high on painkillers but I love it so much. Kain my sweet summer demon child, I love you.

Finally got to watch spidey no way home. The way I internally screamed when Doc Oc and Andrew! Spidey popped up! My two faves in the entire franchise!!! Also biderman supremacy!!

[aprillikesthings]

So I actually have a (...very overdue) physical/pap smear in a week

And now I'm wondering if I need to go through the hassle of getting properly diagnosed with depression or whatever to get back on wellbutrin or if I can just like, ask

Like "hey can we just do informed consent model on this. In my 20's and 30's I took wellbutrin off and on for years, I know what it can and can't help me with, I know what side effects I get and how to handle them. My ADHD/executive function sucks assssss and I can't bump up my adderall dosage because it only increases my side effects*, and we're about to go into Dark Season and I swear to god every January I self-isolate so bad it's scary and ALSO I'm like 99% sure I'm going into perimenopause and it's making my brain worse. so uhhhhh can you just.....write me an Rx for wellbutrin 150mg extended release or what"

I mean I could lie and say I started smoking again and need the wellbutrin to quit, maybe? hm

(I actually did not know wellbutrin was used for that for ages, but tbh it only has that effect on me at 300mg, and at that dosage I am lying in bed with nausea like multiple days a week for the first couple of months and uhhh no thanks) (that was worth it the year I was nearly suicidal don't get me wrong--as I said to a friend "yeah I'm still in bed all day but at least it's not because I kinda want to die, so it's still an improvement lol")

"have you tried SSRI's" only lexapro. but that, family history, and the time I tried strattera have informed me that if a SSRI/SNRI has the side effect of "killing your libido," then that medication will, in fact, entirely kill off my libido. and quite frankly I would only take a medication with that side effect if my choice was that or like, actual death. I greatly enjoy my libido and orgasms are a consistent source of stress relief and dopamine for me and I am not giving them up if I can avoid it thank you

OH ALSO AHAHAH can't wait to mention "hey I had my first ocular/visual migraine two weeks ago"

So there I was at work this last week, and I got back from break and was like, why does it look like I looked at something too bright but only in that part of my eyes. Huh that's not going away. WOW THAT LOOKS WEIRD AS FUCK. WAIT.

WHAT IS THAT

AM I HAVING A STROKE????

Nope! Scintillating scotoma (which is also the name of my new band! /jk)

Tl;dr: it's possible to have the "aura" part of a migraine without having ....literally any other symptom of a migraine, especially as you get into perimenopause. Happens to like, 1.3% of the population.

The wikipedia page I linked above is great and has several animations/images. But imagine seeing this:

in your field of vision but like, WIGGLING LIKE CRAZY, and it gets bigger and bigger until it disappears, and all within like, half an hour.

I am very glad that googling got me to the right answer really fast, and I'm also glad that every website about it is like "hey if it's visible in both eyes and you're not having other migraine symptoms and it's gone within an hour, this is not a big deal and you'll be fine."

Once I wasn't worried about it and it wasn't in a spot that made it hard to read, it was actually kind of cool???

(and then I wonder why I'm fascinated by hallucinogens, lol.)

But yeah I posted about it to facebook and that's when I found out that multiple of my friends also have these. One said she gets it once a year.

My mom had disabling migraines of the kind that made her cry from the pain, so if all I've inherited of them is "you get to see weird shit in your vision once a year," I'll take it.

Also I know my doctor is gonna tell me it's time for my first mammogram and oh lordy I do not want to. Having firm tits is great up until someone has to fucking squeeze them between flat plates of glass. >:( I just know they're gonna be like "huh your tits are too dense and we can't see shit" cool cool breast cancer doesn't run in my family but endometrial cancer does can we worry about that instead, fuck

(*okay but for real. I do not have bipolar and I have never done cocaine. but lemme tell you. I know what "pressured speech" feels like, because that's what happens when I try a higher dose of adderall and/or take mine twice by accident. and I do not like it. I already have enough trouble shutting up (lol just look at this post) omg.)

ugghhhhh

"gee, I don't know why I'm so tired. I don't know why I'm struggling with basic tasks that I'm usually fine with. I don't know why my body is constantly exhibiting signs of a lot of stress. I don't know why I either can't sleep or sleep too much. I don't know why I'm not enjoying things I usually enjoy. I don't know why it feels like my ADHD meds aren't working. I don't know why--"

oh ffs

I literally looked at that list and thought "how could I be depressed, my life is fine???" as if I don't know that that's not how it fucking works

then again it could be perimenopause?????

either way I should. probably ask to be on wellbutrin again or something.

UGGGHHHHHH

[norangeyyy]

La Squadra Hygiene HCs + How They Probably Smell

Because again, why not?

Link to Bucci Gang HCs: X

——————————————————————

Formaggio

= He's basically the Mista of this gang.

= This dude literally went to the bathroom and didn't wash his hands after. Take note: they're in a restaurant.

= If that's not nasty then i don't know what it is.

= And since he's an assassin, he does a lot of dirty work(Quite literally) that requires him to prowl on the streets.

= That means he'll smell like smoke, pollution and weed.

= He wears cologne but it's the ones that'll hurt your nose and will give you a bad migraine.

Illuso

= Jojo MJ steals hair products in boutiques and no one can convince me otherwise.

= Takes good care of his 'beauty' despite being broke and having a bad taste in fashion.

= He has piles of hair masks and other products in his room and all of them are stolen. Some of them are also expired already but he's too lazy to throw them so he just leaves them in the mirror world.

= Will fight you for using his special conditioner and shampoo.

= Goes into a salon using his stand and gives himself a makeover for free then goes back home like nothing happened.

= May or may not have taken the salon's hair dryer and money but we won't talk about that.

= Smells like a whole bottle of either hairspray or argan oil. There's no in-between.

Pesci

= The most decent one in the group that properly does his routine.

= He'll need help and ask the other members but once he gets a hold of what he should do and use, he'll straight up use it for his entire life unless Prosciutto recommends him something else or the others makes fun of him for using the same product for years.

= Wax is his best friend.

= He probably spends more on wax than anything else just to keep his hair up like that.

= Can get really insecure about what he looks like sometimes so he can go overboard when buying skincare products and forget that they're actually bankrupt.

= He really likes milk so most of the products he buys have the same flavor or scent but since his team bullies him for it, he keeps it a secret.

= Owns a bottle of perfume that he only uses when he has to hang out with the boys so he won't smell like 'something you wouldn't expect a hitman to smell like' and be teased about it. He hates it btw.

Prosciutto

= His self-care routine is either too much or too little.

= If he's having a bad day and/or is really busy, he won't even bother to do shit other than take a bath, go to bed and that's it.

= If he's in a good mood and has a lot of free time—which is both rare—then Prosci right here won't hesitate to slap products on his face and hair.

= This man can act like Kira in the morning, literally everything he does has to be right in order or he'll be salty for the rest of the day.

= Bad hair day and hair can't be properly put into buns? He'll go nuts and just be frustrated about it but will still put it into buns.

= Though i don't really headcannon Prosci as someone who smokes frequently since they're already broke, i do see him smoking atleast a few times in a month or two, so the smell just kinda sticks with him.

= Mix the scent of smoke with a cheap men's perfume then you'll get Prosciutto.

Melone

= Make Trish a pervy broke hitman then you'll have Melone.

= Though he barely cares for the women he uses for his stand, I'm sure he still lays with some of them so he has to look good.

= A creep but is still a decent human being so he pays for the shit he buys unlike Illuso.

= Is basically in a relationship with scented lotions.

= Most of them have cringeworthy names though like 'Seductive Evening Night' or something close to that.

Ghiaccio

= Instead of actually buying things for himself, he'll just rant endlessly about how stupid the products are to the point where Melone will just regret taking him shopping.

= Doesn't like wasting money so he just doesn't buy anything other than a few necessities.

= Rivals Fugo with the 'gotta stay clean obsession' but at the same time, he barely gives a fuck.

= "It's fucking pointless! All you need is soap, shampoo, toothpaste, toothbrush, and a hairbrush to stay clean! You're all wasting money, you dumbasses!"

= I don't think there's much to be said about this man anymore since he already proved his point, so next!

Risotto Nero

= He smells like DEATH

= No, I'm not even joking when i said that. Mix the smell of blood and ash or gunpowder then you'll have Risotto.

= He's basically Ghiaccio 2.0 with their mindset about hygiene but he doesn't mind getting his hands dirty and is much more chill about it.

= He's not a prince charming who smells fancy, they're literally bankrupt so he doesn't have time for leisure nor does he have the luxury to afford the latter.

= I'm sorry to my fellow fangirls/fanboys but he's not the sly badboy who somehow remains clean and doesn't smell like shit after massacring 10 people in a single day.

= Literally everyone in his team—Including Risotto himself—could go on for days or even a week without taking a bath at all if they really have to.

= He and Formaggio lasted the longest by the way.

Bonus:

Sorbet and Gelato

= These two steals and won't hesitate to join forces with Illuso about them robbing a salon or a boutique.

= Does everything together.

= Matching nail polish? Of course. Earning money so they could both go to the spa? Hell yeah!

= Don't be surprised if you catch them wearing face masks with cute patterns while wearing a couple shirt on Saturday night, that's just a tradition.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Water Issues

Today was a lot of hyperfocusing past a migraine. Because my brain is weird. But also Aloy Helping Folks.

Okay. Now, with the restart, has this made Jekkata's pathing work properly?

YES! ...Oh, hi, lady.

Wait. So ... there's no water at all now? And you're lying to everyone about it, lady? Really? Well, show me your well.

Oh, hey, pipes.

SHUT UP, LADY; I AM A SEEKER. Got the face paint and everything. Now let's go see where this pipe goes.

Oop. Machines. Let's sneak past those so we don't get too far waylaid.

Hey, look! Water! YES, I can tell that from damp sand; shut up, Yarra.

Oh, good. We have actual proof that I know what the fuck I'm doing.

Ah. Can't sneak past these machines. Soooo ... weak spots. Weak spots. Weeeeeeeak ... spots.

"A quiet kill. Good." Thanks for the validation, Yarra, but you're still annoying as fuck.

Why are you so pissed off at Drakka just because one of his men died trying to find more water? Are you that invested in being the sole source of water for your tribe? What the fuck, lady?

"He SABOTAGED--" Yarra. Shut up. He obviously didn't know what he was doing. You didn't even know this was here or what it was, and the only reason you know it's connected to your Wound now is because I told you so! Could you stop being paranoid for five minutes?

Right. Have to do this in order and speedily. Ugh.

Nope.

Noooooope.

Third tiiiiiiiiiiime ... IS the charm. Okay, you guys should be more or less back to normal soon--

Waitwut. Yarra, what the fuck is your malfunction?!?

Okay, back to Shattered Spear to make sure this all worked. ...Grab a few campfires first because why not?

And we're back and-- Oh. Hi, Drakka.

So ... you're going to basically divide the tribe in two and fight to the death and that's going to mean the whole bunch of desert Tenakth has a civil war?!? While you have rebels picking you off? Yeah, okay, fine, I will try to talk sense into people.

...I will kill some Spinesnouts first, though, because why not? I'm getting way, way better at hitting them at the weak spot right at the top of their backs near the head. The blast radius when you hit that spot is impressive.

Okay, back to attempts at diplomacy. You're at least listening to me. Can I try to talk some sense into both of you? Drakka ... you have a point, but this might not be the way. Yarra ... you ... are a paranoid freak and I cannot in good conscience side with you. So if I have to choose...

And that's Yarra done. And yeah, kind of wish we hadn't had to kill her, but I figure given Regalla, that's a thing.

Gathering more campfires aaaaaaand-- Ooh. Rebel camp.

Wow. This is some surgical-precision shit I'm pulling off.

FUCK my aim was off melee melee MELEE--

Wait. Did I just actually use one of my melee moves? Really?!? Okay, how did I do that and can I do it again? Y'know what? Don't care. POONK.

Oh, it's these Prometheus thing again. So ... well, they have a lot fewer weapons, a lot fewer people, and are down one prisoner. Not bad for a day's work.

Now, let's go find Runda's stuff-- Wait, I have to ride the Bristleback? Oh well. Let's hope I don't alert anything.

WHY CAN I NOT OVERRIDE THIS ONE? Oh. Because it's Apex. That's why.

THIS one looks promising-- Theeeeeeeere we go.

Site one - machines killed, supplies dug up. Mounting again and ... next!

Site two - second verse, same as the first. And onward tooooo...

Oh. Great. Rebels. LEAVE MY BRISTLEBACK ALONE, REBELS! ANYONE SHOOTS IT, IT'S GOING TO BE ME!

Repair repair repair ... dig dig dig... Okay. Bye, Bristleback!

Firegleam! WOO! Aaaaand more vendor trash. Oh, and a data entry. I can live with that.

What's this question mark? Drone. Climbing climbing climbing... And done. I can drop this off when I go after that third triangulation point later. For now, a couple of campfires and--

Oh. I ... seem to have tripped over main quest stuff. I ... am not ready for that today, but--

OMG THEY HAVE A VARRIC. Also I love these people.

"The most beautiful woman, enticing us towards lobster feasts and beeves and--" OMG YOU'RE WETTING YOURSELF OVER A SURF-N-TURF AD!

"And jack-pots! I ... don't know what those are, but it must be something good--" Laughing so hard right now and I know I shouldn't but gods, this is what they make of holo-ads OMG.

Hey. Abadund. Shush, you. I can help, and I promise I won't let Morlund drown himself. So yes, I will get you the bits you need, and those embers and stuff. But first, drop off Runda's supplies.

Okay, now they won't starve. Good. Now look for the last of Runda's lost stuff. But first, black box-- And it's blocked off by a metal flower. SHIT.

So there's a couple of shelters near the spot I need, but I think if I fast-travel to that rebel outpost I cleared out instead, I can get that last campfire I missed--

I CLEARED THIS PLACE OUT WHY ARE THERE REBELS?!? FUCK OFF, RAVAGERS!

Right. Got the elusive campfire. Aaaaaand ... yeah, need to find what took their shit.

Skywing took their shit. I get to bait it with dead machine again! Hee!

Baiting done. Stealthily following but I honestly know where it's going so not sure why I'm bothering.

Okay. We're at the nest. Bye, Skywings!

Here you go, Runda. At least you're not all going to die out here. Oh, and you want your Rollerback salvage? I'll see what I can do. I hate those uppity AI-driven pillbugs anyway.

Y'know, I honestly don't entirely remember where I left off, partly because the migraine reasserted itself as soon as I stopped playing (or at least that was when I noticed the ow properly), but that covers the salient bits. Saved a bunch of Oseram delvers from starvation and exposure, got the water turned back on, got Paranoid-Lady out of the command seat of the Desert Tenakth, and picked off another major rebel settlement. Also unlocked a lot of campfires, so I can hop around a bit easier. Not bad for someone made of migraine.

Not sure if trying to switch it back on to hyperfocus awhile longer is a good idea. I may find something lower impact for that - at least until the mallet meds kick in a bit more.

Did I mention how much I hate having chronic health issues? Because I hate it.

[panicinart]

A nanny to replace with someone new part 1

Brahms x transman/transmasc reader

Please take my writing privilege away when it's past midnight

There arnt any trigger warnings here and at the moment no gendered words or pronouns is used! I guess there is a bit of queer coding(???) if you squint but nothing to serious or specific

Your phone vibrated with a new message send to you. Scrambling it out of your pants with hasty and shaking fingers while the other hand tryd it's best to not let the travel suitcases fall on the floor. Giving it a quick glance your lips curled into a smile, it was your best friend asking how the flight into the UK was.

So you gave her a quick message on how you got the worst seat imaginable. The guy next to you constantly gave you weird glances, he tryd to be sneaky about it, looking at your way when he thought you were asleep or occupied with something else. The smell that receded from him wasn't pleasant either, betting your left arm that he didn't shower for at least 3 weeks straight.

A few seats away was a couple that constantly started a loud argument with each other about the most random and unimportant things imaginable. When the fly attended tryd to calm them down the whole scenario got even more chaotic, making a kid that was another few seats away cry loudly. You would feel bad for the child if it wasn't for your enormous migraine building up. The only good thing out of the situation was when a bag of salted snacks got accedntly thrown to your way, giving you a free extra snack.

As you clicked send an announcement made it's self know with loud static noises. The train had a one hour delay. At this point your nerves were on edge. With a heavy sigh you walked out of the airport to the underground, at least there was now some time to look at the airport stores. Buying a few snacks here and there and seeing the cute souvenirs lighten up your mood a bit, and you even found a pharmacy!

Munching at your last chocolate bar and swallowing the pill for your migraine as you clumsily walked down the stairs to the subway, you eyes skimmed for a clock, and there it was, old and a bit rusty but it worked just fine showing that it's currently 7:43 pm.

'20 more minutes'

you thought, as you gave it a quick glance with a groggy look,

'Might as well give her a quick text'

•hey,sophie the train has a delay probably will come in like an hour late if everything goes well.

It took a few minutes until she texted you back

▪︎Yea I already thought that, can't have shit in public transport >:/

•yea,,, so,,, how is the babysitting going? Is the kid as bad as the last one you took care of???

▪︎Nope! How should it when it's a doll :)

•....

....

....

a what???

▪︎A doll! It's one of those weird porcelain ones that look like a small child. It's even live sized! I was already weirded out that a couple this old would have small children of their own but that? A whole new level of weird

•,,,,what are you doing with it????

does it just hang around or do you actually take care of it??

As you waited for an answer another announcement was made, the train that should come in now 15 minutes should be here earlier.

You would have made a small victorious smile if the question didn't come crashing down like an avalanche.

Why do they keep it? Why do they need a babysitter when it's just a doll? Why is it live sized? And most importantly, how in the fresh fuck did they managed to let the train come earlier the thought. While being lost in your mind with questions your phone took you back into reality when it vibrated.

▪︎Nope! I just let it sit in the corner, sometimes I put a towel or blanket over it. It's stare is really fucking creepy....

•oh,,, so free money I guess, pretty cool.

hey sophie what was the name of the family??

Something with shire right??

Chestershire??

▪︎Heelshire, why do you ask?

•just out of curiosity, maeby there is an article about them and the doll.

i mean they are a well know family so I can imagine there is something out there about them. also my train is coming later then planned.

they made an announcement that it should come earlier the thought but,,, I think I won't come over today for the sleepover, I'm just too tired, sorry for the late cancelation

▪︎It's fine (Y/N)! You had a shitty flight so I can understand that! So we see us tomorrow :) ?

•ye

▪︎Awesome, can't wait to show you the creepy doll!

And with that the chat ended, your train already making a big entrance with the loud hald of it's heavy metallic wheels.

You took the suitcase back into your hands and tumbled your way into the train.

Looking around, you accepted defeat that there was no seat left for you, your mood slowly dipping from tired annoyance to about to having a small fit. But that wouldn't help your progress, so you swallowed your anger down and leaned to one of the metallic poles. Wobbling a bit from left to right and needing to catch your suitcase to not let it roll over a passengers feet as the train started moving again.

You grabbed your phone, hesitating for a bit

'Do I really want to know what the fuck is going on or???'

You just shrugged your shoulders and gave it a go, the heelshire family is a rich pompous family you're sure there is something about them on the internet.

Aaaaand you were right, it didn't even took a second when hundreds of articles pooped up with dramatic headlines.

Terrible fire at the Heelshire mansion

Mysterious fire in Heelshire property

Heelshire, how their live turned quickly into a nightmare

These were the few that caught your interest.

You gave the articles quick reads, your tired eyes switching between almost falling shut from tiredness and going wide at the gruesome details on the tragedy.

Well that gives you a few indications on why they keep it.

'It's probably some kind of coping mechanism....'

You don't really see yourself as someone who's heart gets torn apart everytime you hear a sad and tragic story, but you still can't shake the heaviness off it all, a family losing their only child in an enormous fire that up to this day nobody knows were it came from.

Too keep your mind off the whole thing you looked outside, still having a bitter expression of the new info as you admired the houses.

It looks like your heading towards a more suburban area, making it look like one of your old English telenovela that you watch every now and then.

As the sun slowly goes down and engulfing the area in beautiful colors was quite a bit breathtaking, infact so breathtaking that you almost missed your station.

In a moment of panic you pushed yourself out of the train almost dropping a few things in it, but luckily you had everything with you.

With lazy steps towards a billboard your eyes scanned the map for the area, the bus stop wasn't far away, just a few minutes walk, but your heavy arms slowly giving up and your feet starting to hurt didn't really help.

You got your headphones out in hopes that listening to your favorite music makes the whole thing a bit more bearable.

Even tho it was just a tiny bit left until you arrived at your destination, somehow everything went wrong one way or another. You almost missed the bus and then one of it's tire pooped, making you wait for the next one that came in like half an hour.

Then one of your water bottles wasn't closed properly making some of your stuff soaked in it, destroying your notes, drawings and a few comics you had with you in the process.

When you arrived in the small but cozy hotel a woman had a giant fight with the manager. One of her kids didn't stop bothering you with weird and uncomfortable questions about your appearance. While the other didn't keep their grabby hands off of you. Then when she finally finished her rant on how the room service didn't left a small piece of chocolate for her children like always, she had the audacity to give you a 'tch' when she walked passed you with a slightly disgusted expression. The manager and her assistant apologized for the inconvenience and offerd you some candy as a sorry gift for the inconvenience, you don't want to sound like a glutton, but it did make you forget about the whole thing for a bit.

Finally you managed to get your keys. On the way to your room you almost dropped all your stuff becoming a clumsy mess that just wants to sleep.

As you opend the door impatiently you more or less threw your stuff on the chairs and floor quickly unpacked your pajamas and hastily puting them on. Dropping your body on the softest bed you ever were able to sleep in like a rock. To say that you were happy to finally be here is taking things way to lighty. With a happy sigh you closed you eyes for the well deserving sleep.

[just-stop]

From AFLW to roller derby, experts say its time to take concussion in women's sport seriously

When the Crows chase their third AFLW premiership on Saturday, captain Chelsea Randall will be watching from the sidelines.

A concussion from a collision during last week's preliminary final left her ruled out of the match.

It's a bitter sweet way to end a season — but as Sarah McCarthy knows, a concussion can have much longer consequences

In 2016, Sarah was the jammer for her Sydney roller derby team, skating at high speed in the league's Grand Final, aiming to get past the opposition and score points.

Risks of contact sport

Sarah McCarthy received a knock to the head during a roller derby match.

"I was a few feet in front of the pack, looking over my shoulder," she tells ABC RN's Sporty.

As she skated, a competitor's elbow hit Sarah's neck and jaw hard and she crashed to the ground.

She doesn't remember if she passed out or not, but recalls feeling briefly sick.

She got up, sat out for awhile, but later re-joined the bout, feeling reasonably ok.

It was Sarah's second concussion that week, having had an earlier blow at training.

The next few months passed in a blur of sickness, dizziness and ringing ears.

"I could barely make it past lunch time without falling asleep. My head felt like it was in a vice 24 hours a day," she says.

What was worse, says Sarah, was the memory loss, heightened emotions, and constant haze in her mind as she struggled to manage a big work project.

Sarah's experience is not out of the ordinary. Experts say sportswomen are at higher risk of concussion than male athletes, and the effects of concussion in women tend to be more severe.

Sarah still lives with the ongoing after effects of her concussion even today.

Almost five years on, Sarah continues to live with the implications of Post Concussion Syndrome.

"I struggled verbally, and I still do now if I have a poor night's sleep," Sarah says.

"It's almost like I'm sitting on a chair in a room with a curtain around me and all of my vocabulary is just beyond the curtain. And I can't reach it or I use the wrong words. I forget people's name all the time," she says.

"I'm fatigued every day. I still can't exercise. I can't handle stress, I can't handle light, I can't handle sounds."

What happens when you're concussed?

Dr Adrian Cohen, an emergency and trauma physician who researches concussion prevention, says concussion is not as simple as was once thought.

He says concussion results in less blood flow to the brain.

This means brain cells, called neurons, don't get enough oxygen and glucose. They also suffer a "structural deformity".

Basically, Dr Cohen says, the brain has a "metabolic crisis" and neurons stop working properly.

Why is concussion more common in women?

We don't have enough data on the size of the problem, Dr Cohen says.

But research and scrutiny of concussion in women in sport is growing — largely in the wake of developments in elite men's sport such as the AFL and NFL.

"Doctors like myself who work in this area are definitely seeing it more often and we're seeing it with more severity," Dr Cohen says.

He says women sustain more concussions than men in high-impact sports such as rugby league, rugby union and Australian rules football. Women also take longer to recover.

One possibility is that women may be more likely to report concussion.

But Dr Cohen says there are complex physiological factors at play.

"There are structural differences between men and women's brains," he says.

"They actually have a slightly faster metabolism than male brains, and they have slightly greater oxygen flow to the head.

"The cells themselves can be thought of as being slightly hungrier. So in the context of an injury that disrupts the supply of glucose and oxygen, it can help explain why they suffer more damage."

He also says women are joining high impact sports without years of tackle training and have had less opportunity to build up the strong neck muscles crucial in protecting against impact.

Dr Cohen says these factors are not an argument for reducing women's participation in contact sport — the benefits, he says, far outweigh the risks — but he is urging for new ways to minimise those risks.

"We have to outlaw illegal play that causes damage, we have to get people off the field when they have an injury, we have to recognise concussion," he says.

He is part of a team developing a new device which he says can quickly and accurately assess a player for concussion.

"Instead of just asking somebody whether they're okay, and putting [them] through a 10 minute test, which seems fundamentally flawed at the moment, we have got to put this in the field of objectivity."

Concussion and migranes

Dr Rowena Mobbs, a Macquarie University neurologist who researches and treats the effects of concussion in sportspeople, says there is truth to suggestions that women experience concussion symptoms more severely.

"But there is this really important overlap of chronic migraine after trauma, and the term for this is post-traumatic headache," she says.

"When we talk about migraine ... they're the same multitude of symptoms that can occur in concussion.

"So you can be dizzy and clouded in your thinking, lethargic and have double vision. And we know that women are at three times the risk of chronic migraine than men."

A woman on roller skates playing roller derby can be seen flying up the court.

Experts say more research is needed into concussion in sportswomen.(Liam Mitchell Photography )

She suggests there could be an association between chronic migraine syndrome and concussion, a kind of double whammy for women.

"It's really a complex area," Dr Mobbs says.

"It's fairly new to research because, unfortunately, there's been so much preferred research in men in sport, and we're only just now approaching female concussion."

In Australia, the Sports Brain Bank works on diseases such as chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) and other brain disorders associated with previous concussions or head impacts.

Dr Cohen says there are several Australian sports women who've pledged to donate their brain to the Sports Brain Bank.

"But in general terms, these women won't have been playing the games for as long, and at as high a level," he says.

He says concussion and its long-term consequences "are a numbers game".

"The more impacts to the head you have, the more likely you are to suffer short, medium and long-term consequences. Therefore, the more likely it is to show up as CTE. But we're going to be seeing it in women unfortunately, in the not too distant future."

Invisible injuries

Concussion rules are changing in Australian football codes — the rules that mandated Randall miss the AFLW grand final were brought in earlier this year.

Dr Mobbs welcomes these new rules, but hopes the conversation in elite sport will extend to how concussion is managed at training and in community sport.

In 2019, the Australian Institute of Sport released an updated set of concussion guidelines to improve player safety and address rising concerns in the community around the links between concussion and CTE, which has been linked to dementia and behavioural problems.

Dr Mobbs wants measures like restricting heading the ball in soccer training to be considered.

"We must look after people's brains," she says.

"We can preserve what we love about the sports, they can still be played hard, but it just means that we've got to all get together and think of ways we can preserve brain health for these players."

Sarah McCarthy wishes she'd been stopped from returning to play in the 2016 grand final, and regrets not taking time to immediately rest after the injuries.

She has advice for other people who experience concussion.

"First and foremost, stop everything - stop," she says.

"If you can, stay in a dark room, don't do anything that's too mentally taxing. Don't exercise.

"If I had taken that four to six weeks to rest [and] not have too much mental and emotional stimulation, I think my recovery would have been a lot quicker."

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Savannah

Jac: Are you warm enough? Jac: 🧣🤗🧤🤗🧥 Savannah: No but that's a total secret, okay? I can't cope with the others judging me for trying to look nice Jac: I'll never tell Jac: [subtly getting her a blanket or something though, obviously] Jac: no one can come for your look 😍 Savannah: [you know we're snuggling under this blanket together because shameless excuse to be close af] Savannah: oh I see, you're trying to warm me up by making me 😳 it's fine that can be our secret too Jac: [would be so 😳 forreal] Jac: you can blame the 🔥 Savannah: [putting her head on the bae's shoulder like we're not already close enough and doing a little happy sigh] Savannah: but your compliments deserve full credit, anything else would be unfair Jac: [patting her head under the guise of checking out the boujee hat] Jac: your outfit arguably deserves a higher class of event but I'm still glad you're here Savannah: [doing a hat swap because we do so love sharing clothes with the bae and it's amusing as well as a shameless excuse to check her out like hmm what do we think] Savannah: I'm glad I'm here too Jac: It would be weird if you weren't Jac: I'm as close to you as my siblings now Jac: in a different way, obviously but still Savannah: [swapping the hats back because the bae is serving a look and also then we have to fix her hair and make that a moment™ soz Amelia for this blatant flirting you are witnessing rn] Savannah: I feel so at home here, with you Jac: [when you think the bae is perfect so you can't even pretend to sort her hair, so you end up fussing with your own after her like ugh it's so unruly but we're 🥰 and seriously soz have a more or something] Jac: You are Jac: you're always welcome, even when we're celebrating weird non-holiday holidays Savannah: [just giving her all the compliments out loud because we see that fussy and also we don't care who hears us, again soz Amelia and snuggling again] Savannah: I'd make you the same offer in a heartbeat if I felt welcome at my house Jac: [snuggling her extra hard for a hot sec there] Jac: I know, baby Savannah: [likewise and just burying our face in the bae's shoulder fully because emotions and doing a little sad sigh this time] Jac: [doing something to make her happy, probably posting the picture of her for example] Savannah: [giving her all the compliments again because that is a good picture tbh gal you clearly have skills but then because I'm evil I'm gonna say your bf sees it and so you're texting him forever while he's with his friends doing whatever] Jac: [at least you have an excuse to get up, like your other guests lol] Savannah: [just gotta do something extra as she's getting up like take her hand and make her do a little spin or something cos you're a nerd and we know you care more about this than whatever your bf is saying] Jac: don't faint Savannah: catch me & it won't be an issue Jac: I don't need to tell you it's dangerous to play near or with 🔥 Savannah: [as close to a LOOK as we can get away with] Jac: 😈 Savannah: he wants to see me, like, right now Savannah: but I don't think he's offering a higher class of event Jac: 😏 and obviously, you have to make him sweat it out a bit Jac: right? Savannah: all night at least Jac: Poor Ty Savannah: Do you think I'm being too 😈? Jac: not enough, if anything Savannah: oh really, well I hate that Jac: I'm sure it'll do the job on Ty Jac: but I think you could do better Savannah: of course I could, especially if the alternative means disappointing you Savannah: I don't ever want to Jac: It's very unlikely that you could Savannah: It's impossible, I promise Jac: Don't worry, it wasn't a challenge Savannah: I'm not worried if it is, I'll rise to it for you Jac: 🌠🌠🌠 Jac: I am going to have to challenge my brother not to be that basic white boy who brings out an acoustic 'round the campfire, excuse me 🙄😅 Savannah: 😄 Savannah: as long as Isabelle doesn't decide to sing along, because it'll be a challenge for me to sit through that Jac: 😬 Jac: she ALWAYS gets the words wrong! Jac: I think she might be partially deaf Savannah: you would know Savannah: it's a shame she's HOPELESS at sign language Jac: honestly, she'd need to do some brain training first Jac: bless her Savannah: I'm still waiting for you to teach me, maybe I'll be worse than she is Jac: [gutted you can't say gay things 'cos most people here can understand but you can still come teach her] Savannah: [Amelia do be watching you and she definitely can] Savannah: [Jude would also just be chiming in telling Savannah what she's doing wrong like a blunt bitch so now we're mortified because we have to be good at everything] Jac: [just showing her how to tell Jude to fuck off or something like excuse you] Savannah: [literally never swears because she's that kind of trying to be classy so you've been spared gal but we're not forgetting that you made us look a fool] Jac: She literally couldn't tie her own shoes 'til like last year Jac: I wouldn't spend any energy on her Savannah: it's fine, I'd rather know my mistakes Jac: She knows it's as rude to listen in on a sign conversation as it is a normal one Jac: honestly, I don't know where her manners have gone half the time Savannah: I'll have to get better now so we can have a conversation worth listening in on Jac: I'll show you properly Jac: when we have some privacy Savannah: you can come home with me, we'll have plenty of privacy if we leave here late enough Jac: You're really gonna make him wait then Jac: 😘 Savannah: he'll be too drunk to be any use to me once his friends are done with him Savannah: & anyway, I want to be with you Jac: Good Jac: of course I'll come Savannah: I feel like I haven't even seen you since Ty & I reconciled, I've really missed you Jac: he had a lot he had to make up for Jac: so I've missed you more Savannah: [touching that necklace he gave us without realising we're doing it as we recall that horrible argument] Savannah: I'm all yours now Jac: Good Jac: because we're both going to need really long 🛀 to get the smoke smell out of our hair Savannah: ugh true! I'll wash yours if you wash mine Jac: 100% Jac: and would you ever trust a boy with your hair, no matter how sorry he is Savannah: No way! Savannah: plus he's too tall to fit in the 🛁 with me, even the huge one at my house Savannah: he'd just sulk the entire time Savannah: I'm so sorry I'm taller than the other girl you dated Jac: the basketball boys always go out with tiny girls Jac: it's like their thing Jac: so weird Savannah: right? 🙄 Savannah: it's a totally possessive thing, I'm glad you can't stand over me to feel powerful, excuse me Jac: honestly Jac: people always talk about short guy's complexes but tall lads think they're so superior just for having a few inches, okay we get what you're trying to put out and it ain't cute Savannah: exactly Savannah: & if picking me up & throwing me around is SUCH a turn on for you, work at it 💪🏾 I have to put in effort to look good too Jac: Not about it Savannah: Ty isn't either, he's the gentlest boy in the world Jac: Yeah he is Savannah: maybe too gentle sometimes, but I didn't say so Jac: I get it Jac: you don't have to think he's perfect just because you're going out with him Savannah: he definitely doesn't think I am Jac: he's got no complaints though Savannah: for now, I suppose Jac: he told me, you saw Jac: he thinks you're good, if not perfect Savannah: he doesn't want to lose me Jac: he's not stupid Savannah: ^^ he'll say anything, that's what boys do Jac: yeah Jac: how much they mean is a different story Savannah: my dad's never meant a single word he's said to us Jac: even if he meant it at the time Jac: he didn't stick to his word, and that's what counts Savannah: yes, it is Jac: Ty's dependable Savannah: I'm not though, I'm a wreck Jac: hey Jac: [looks at her and shakes her head like no] Jac: do you want to go inside for a bit? we can be getting more food and drinks or whatever Savannah: okay Jac: [casually run off hand in hand so you can go properly talk about this] Savannah: [soz not soz everyone] Jac: [also said your garden would not be that big so probably gonna need to go upstairs or down so everyone's not just 👀 lol] Savannah: [get in the basement for that parallel] Jac: [sounds creepy but yes lol, go forth for that privacy hens] Savannah: [yet again we're just telling the bae stuff that we haven't told anyone including our bf #bonding] Jac: [we know the fucking vibes, y'all gonna be ages and do not care remotely] Savannah: [gotta fix Savannah's makeup for her to because she'll have done a little cry so that's gay & intimate] Jac: [honestly how this kiss doesn't happen sooner hun] Savannah: [that's the scolding hot tea] Jac: [casual patience of a saint somehow] Savannah: [we both know you're scared to cross that line hens] Jac: [mhmm how you just don't though when the tension is this high and obvious but you know, sort yourselves out] Savannah: [for now though go back outside to find Amelia has left] Jac: how rude Savannah: Do you have any messages from her? Jac: she told them she was feeling sick Jac: but she's not said anything more than that in a message either Savannah: one of her migraines? Jac: probably Jac: smoke can be a trigger, I guess Jac: oh well, I'll message her in the group chat, make sure she's okay Savannah: I hope she got home okay Savannah: it was a bit rude of Is not to go with her & make sure Jac: ^^ I'm like, girl Jac: you've had THREE hot dogs Jac: you could've done without the last one to be a better friend but priorities, I suppose Savannah: ^^ she could've at least come & got us so we could do the right thing if she wasn't going to Jac: Seriously Jac: now I look lowkey bad like thanks 🙄 Savannah: No, it's my fault Savannah: I feel bad, poor Amelia Jac: Oh my God, no, it's so not your fault Savannah: it's okay, I know I'm beyond demanding Jac: You aren't Jac: She just has a headache Jac: you're actually going through it right now Jac: you deserve time to vent Savannah: 😔 Savannah: but I do understand if you're upset with me Jac: I'm not, at all Jac: just at Is a bit for not handling the whole situation properly Savannah: Would you like me to talk to her? Jac: That's fine, we don't need to get into their drama Jac: it's like, not a situation and not going to be one because Is either wants it to be or is literally too ditzy to check in on Amelia herself without being explicitly told Savannah: You're right Savannah: you deserve a good night even if it is a fake holiday Jac: I'm having a good night with you Savannah: Oh please, I can do better Savannah: I've been crying for most of it Savannah: [proves it by doing the most, throwing ourselves into all the activities and thus the bae as well] Savannah: [I like to imagine poor Isabelle trying to get involved & we're just subtly not having it] Jac: [montage time, honestly Is you would've been better to leave too, at least the fam is here so you aren't being totally ignored lol] Savannah: [soz that we're just falling in love here] Jac: [literally can't help it sorry they don't mean the harm they casually do] Savannah: now you're having a good night Jac: an even better one, yeah Savannah: I'll be your 🌠 Savannah: anything you want, all you have to do is whisper it to me & I'll make sure it comes true Jac: Tinkerbell's got nothing on you Savannah: your happiness is so important to me, with or without the 👏🏾 Jac: you know I'd do anything for you too Jac: I feel like I should do more Jac: be better Savannah: you do more for me than anyone else EVER has, if you did more you'd be putting your own mental health & wellbeing at risk for the sake of mine Savannah: I'm not trying to be a drain of you like Is, who literally needs her hand held through every little thing Jac: I know, you're just so good to me Jac: but you're good FOR me too Savannah: I'm not always this selfish, I swear Jac: you're literally the most selfless Jac: all you do is look after Sienna and you're the best friend to me and girlfriend to Ty Jac: it hurts my heart sometimes Jac: I just wanna take care of you and make your life so easy you can thrive and shine Savannah: You're going to make me cry again Savannah: [IRL 🥺 because the bae is so pure & genuinely takes such good care of us] Savannah: I'll survive this & you'll see what I'm actually like without all this drama surrounding me Savannah: I really will be the best friend to you forever Jac: [we're such emotional bitches atm and always tbh hennys] Jac: I know you will, you're already amazing Jac: you're going to be unstoppable Jac: and I'm gonna be right there with you Savannah: [it's the only emotion we can safely express rn because smooching is forbidden] Savannah: I'm totally fine with doing trust falls Savannah: you know I believe in you & our future together Jac: 🌍 sister connection Jac: [because we are all earth signs except Amelia soz gal] Savannah: ^^ yes! Savannah: [take your bae to dance because it's a party and that's the only excuse we need] Jac: [bye at how much of a moment that'd be] Savannah: [literally there's every chance it's the first time they have because her bf would always be there at parties and stuff so I'm deceased] Jac: [we know you'd have no qualms stealing her away but a party with loads of peers is different from how intimate this is, at best everyone has a few friends] Savannah: [exactly that, so glad you don't have to see this Amelia you really would have a headache] Jac: [yeah this would be 💔] Savannah: [thank god we've got Isabelle cockblocking rn because y'all are too in love tbh] Jac: [just joins in 'cos not in love with you and thus oblivious] Savannah: [they'd be so annoyed lol] Jac: [lmao oh isabelle] Savannah: [go get some drinks or something gals and whisper shade to each other about this poor third wheel because any excuse to keep that intimacy going] Jac: [it's a good thing you are lowkey oblivious or you'd be way more upset by it all too] Savannah: [god bless you Isabelle, so soz you get done so dirty] Jac: [in the end you live your best life, just not being friends with this squad lol] Savannah: [the best thing for you is getting new friends my love, but for now I like to imagine she's talking to them about some boy or other, remember those you massive gays] Jac: 😬 him Jac: seriously?!? Savannah: What is she thinking of? & more importantly, what part of her body is leading her in those thoughts Jac: 😷 I can't Jac: so many cold showers necessary for her and honestly just some 🧼 for him Savannah: He asked me out, knowing full well I'm not single or interested, it was horrific Jac: the definition of no shame Savannah: I didn't know what to do Jac: I bet you didn't Jac: the actual nerve Savannah: Not to sound like Amelia, but I genuinely have no understanding of what she approves of or thinks we'll approve of about most of the boys she talks about Jac: Availability? Jac: like, imagine that was all a boy had to say about you Savannah: that's so sad Jac: like if they weren't so gross themselves, I'd feel sorry for them Savannah: I've just decided, I'm going to find her a boyfriend we can all stand to be around, Ty'll know someone Savannah: it'll give you a much needed break from how clingy she is & my heart won't hurt anymore from hearing her talk like this about boys who aren't worthy Jac: Such a nice idea 👼🏾 Jac: does he know anyone that will deal with her though Jac: she's a lot Savannah: It may not be an overnight success but I'll work my 🔮✨ Jac: I believe in nothing harder than I believe in your magic Savannah: I'm your girl too, just like you told Ty, of course you have faith in me & because you do, I feel so capable of anything 🥰 Jac: It had to be said Jac: like we said, the possessive thing, not it Jac: you're you and you're so many things to so many people, and you're especially important to me Jac: if he wants you, he's gotta accept that Savannah: ^^^ Savannah: I love you & you're always going to be part of my life, I hope he is too, obviously but there's none of that uncertainty with you, you are & you will be Jac: Right, romantic relationships are arguably almost always the least secure, that's just realistic Jac: ask any girl who ditches ALL her friends and then gets dumped Savannah: oh god, I could NEVER Savannah: I need you Jac: The concession they must make in their lives, like, who do you talk to about the stuff he has no interest in, who gives you advice from a woman's perspective??? Jac: so toxic Savannah: He & I have very different styles of self care, I'm sorry I simply would not survive Jac: 🏋️ is part of the daily grind, NOT a way to unwind, sorry Ty Savannah: 😄 Savannah: Don't worry, I promise I won't wake you as early tomorrow for our workout Jac: I'm not, I nearly ALWAYS wake up before you Jac: but that's okay, you look adorable and very peaceful 😴😘 Savannah: well it takes me longer to fall asleep Savannah: you look even more adorable & peaceful then 👼🏻☁ Jac: okay, so we're even 😅 Savannah: the universe is keeping everything in balance for us Savannah: I love that Jac: I know, right? Jac: if we had a 👶🏾 or a job share we'd be KILLING it Savannah: 🥺 you're going to have the cutest babies ever! Jac: 🤞 the dad's DNA doesn't screw that up Savannah: No way, we'll find you someone perfect Jac: I have more hope for Uni Savannah: you don't trust my matchmaking skills? Jac: No, no Jac: just the boys you have to choose from here 😬😂 Savannah: 😄You're right, an LDR makes much more sense for you & I wouldn't have to share you as often Savannah: I'll find you a first year uni boy who goes to school with Ty's brother Jac: You think so? Savannah: definitely, he'll fit into your schedule without wanting to become your schedule Savannah: & you may actually be able to have & sustain a proper conversation, depending what he studies Jac: you really do have the best ideas Jac: Obviously down Savannah: [immediately starts sending her pics and profiles because we're extra] Savannah: Let me know who you like & I'll totally make it happen Jac: I'll look properly tonight at yours Jac: [like no, Isabelle, you may not have more than a peep so you're #curious] Savannah: there's no rush, whenever you're ready Jac: 😍😍 Savannah: [snuggling again with our IRL 😍 because we're in love bitch] Savannah: [Savannah is just that touchy feely hoe like soz gal she's gonna just be touching you ALL THE TIME] Jac: [at least you'd have to vaguely get used to it or literally die haha, we know the 😍 are and will be for you but we'll pretend to be into these lads so we can scheme it together] Savannah: [we've since the pics you had a touchy feely vibe with Amelia too, even if it was more like hugs and piggy backs lol you can do this] Jac: [mhmm, arguably you can't but you carry it on for a long time lol]