#also to be clear it’s a virtual thing 100% so really you don’t even have to dox yourself (just me I guess to an extent)

[aeolianblues]

Everyone (7 IRL people) to whom I’ve been sadly showing this photo has said ‘why don’t you host it?” (Including the local record shop, which I must stress, I am not.

Would anyone in the EST timezone be interested in joining a radio listen party for this album next Sunday? It doesn’t have to be the first time you’re to it, and tbh you don’t actually have to be in EST, just willing to be up at that ungodly hour if you’re further east

[thelittleghoul]

Byakuya Togami with a autistic reader

Not requested!!

Notes: x reader, reader is autistic, romantic relationship, headcanon format

Important: Autism is a spectrum yes you have to meet certain criteria but everyone’s experiences with autism is different and can show in many forms. This headcanon does not apply to every autistic person!! (I am autistic and have knowledge on this topic before writing)

•Byakuya is very picky with the people he choses to be in his presence, let alone date. So most likely you two were friends before lovers due to him being the type of guy that doesn’t defrost easily. This means before you two started the relationship, although not an expert, he already was trying to be more familiar with your disability as he would study you from a distance.

•At first he found you just “quirky” and not that you had a disability, but the more he’d be around you the more it was made clear that you were autistic.

•To cut to the point he really doesn’t care. He’s not going to take time out of his day to belittle you, not because he’s an autistic advocate or saviour, he just doesn’t care about things that don’t affect him personally and that goes for a lot of things. Yes at first he thought you were weird but his opinion on a “commoner” was a mere crumb of thought in his mind, he had better things to do.

•Little things here and there would annoy him in the friendship, he thought you were just being complicated to get on his nerves. “I said I would pay why would you want to go to a greasy low life fast food chain rather than this restaurant? …Because they don’t have plain chicken strips?… oh good god.”

•It didn’t take long for him to figure you out, after he knew the truth he wasn’t as hard on you. If you didn’t want to eat what his chef had cooked, he wouldn’t force you. If you were playing with your clothes or laces, he would just mind his business. Yes because it would just be a waste of time, but he did care for you even if he wouldn’t confess that he did.

•Soon after you two started dating, he was at your every need. Even if you were born in a world where everything was on hard mode, he always tried to make it easier on you.

•He knows constancy and routine is a key part of autism and luckily for you, Byakuya is a very routinely oriented person. He’s very strict about how he lives and manages his life and change can also feel very uncomfortable to him so let’s just say you guys are two peas in a pod.

•He has physical and virtual calendars for everything. For his work, school, special events, even social gatherings with his friends. So he was more than happy to make you your own and to have access to his. He also helped you set up your phone for notifications about upcoming changes so your stress levels aren’t as high.

•He basically owns the world. The money and power this man has is unbelievable so any specialists, councillors, life coaches you name it is paid for and will be replaced quicker than the blink of an eye if you are having any problems with them. Byakuya is also hiring the best of the best across the world for you.

•Speaking of getting stuff for you obviously this mans love language is gift giving. He’d buy anything for you just point your figure at it. Although he will only but things without your input if he’s 100% certain you are comfortable with it, which is most of the time with him knowing you like the back of his hand but safe foods, textures etc can change.

•Once he bought you an expensive sweater he thought you would look stunning in, he didn’t realize the texture would send you into a meltdown. So he appreciates when you go shopping with him to make sure that every detail is safe and comfortable to you… but he also appreciates the time you two share together, even if it’s just online shopping while relaxing on the couch together.

•He hires the best chefs for the both of you but he also has a trick up his sleeve. After studying and having many conversations with you, he ordered a specialized cook book for his chefs (and you if you wanted) to cook your safe foods. Each microscopic detail in that book makes sure the food is consistent every single time, and lord knows he makes sure of it. “If you even cook with a different brand of butter you won’t be stepping foot in this kitchen or any kitchen for that matter ever again do I make myself clear?”

•Another thing you to have in common is not fitting in with other people. Yea sure for completely different reasons, but at least you two can bond over being somewhat outsiders. Besides, he really only needs you to keep him company (he’s somewhat of a secret softy)

•Byakuya knows that fancy limos will catch attention and will give you anxiety with all the staring so even if you still have the best private drivers and top model cars, from the outside he tries to make them look more discreet for you.

•The same can’t be said for when you two go out. It’s a little less difficult when the two of you are in higher class environments, but in places like a common coffee shop? That’s going to be a challenge with the paparazzi let alone the five body guards that are around him making everyone question who he and you are (although rarely people don’t know who Byakuya is 🙄)

•Although he still has his ways to make sure you two can still go shopping in person for making sure the texture, smell, sound etc of products are comfortable for you, if you get too overstimulated while shopping in person he’s definitely ok with online shopping.

•Flying is also something you never have to worry about, this man has a private jet ready to take off anywhere while having all your needs and wants in mind when designing and supplying the jet.

•If anyone tried to pick on you let’s just say they wouldn’t be showing up at school/work for a while and when they did, they would be keeping their distance from you (this man is petty and has connections) “I don’t know what your talking about. They don’t deserve to be in your graceful presence anyways my love.”

•Really Byakuya is your dream boyfriend when supplying you with your needs and accommodations, he will change the world for you instead of the world forcing you to fit into its unrealistic standards (like I said he basically owns the world)

•Any special interest you have, he’ll be getting you any merch he finds no matter what it is. He’s also good at helping you function while having special interests too. While also having phone notifications, Byakuya and his staff are always making sure your not too submerged in your special interests by reminding you to drink water, have meals/snacks, get out of the house, move your body and practice hygiene.

•He also understands your love language. That can be parallel play, info dumping, support swapping, penguin pebbling or even deep pressure. Although he’s better with some languages more than others, he’s a hard worker and I’m not just talking about his talent. He will do anything for you even if it takes him more time to get used to so don’t panic if you’re more of a physical or emotional lover.

•Definitely got you a sunflower lanyard 🌻

•Although he was cold at first (like most things) he just needed to be more exposed to you to understand you better and more softly 💚

[this-is-exorsexism]

Hey, since I saw you speak German (making that assumption based on the fact that you mentioned a exorsexist comment being German in a post. Sorry if that’s a wrong assumption) I really want to talk about instances of exorsexism that I see so often in the feminist German speaking circles and that I’m so so tired off.

The terms “female read” and “male read” to refer to people, both when talking about, you know, just everyday things they saw ex. “I like seeing female read people sporting body hair” (just say you like people who don’t shave their body hair. Cause it’s not just the demographic of people that society pushes to present as “women” that are pressured into body hair removal.) and in context of feminist discussions “Cat calling affects female read individuals more than male read people. And male read people are more often the perpetrator of cat calling”. (This one irkes me so so much, because it’s a sweeping generalisation in general, which is just not okay.)

Another example that also falls into every day things and is even more removed from any “political” statement: “I saw a female read person that reminded me of my mother.” (This quote came from a nonbinary person which made the unnecessary gendering feel even more uncomfortable. There was no forceful gendering of the person necessary. It could have just been “I saw a person that reminded me of my mother” the assumption that it must have been a woman already is a possibility by the association with mother. And you sadly can’t get rid of it. There is no necessity to state it like that.)

One last longer example that is partly feminism related again (that is a near direct translation): “A lot of women and female read people know the feeling of standing in front of the mirror and asking wether or not they want to wear this or if it’s too revealing. Because choice of clothing alone can suggest you want to provoke men.[…] Even if a female read person wears tight clothing, because [she/they] feel sexy in it, is that no reason to insult [her/them] as a slut.” (The “she” could have also been meant in a “they” sense, because this is a translation situation where it isn’t 100% clear. That’s why I wrote it like that.) (This quote is again making assumptions and putting experiences on people and forcefully gendering people who experience these feelings. When these experiences actually can’t be categorised like that. Like even perisex cis men can experience this. It is also very telling here that only the “female read” wording was used when making social commentary, not the “male read”, when men where mentioned.)

(These statements are not always necessarily word for word quotes. They are partly just things I remember seeing in the past. Each example is from a different person.)

The description “female read”/“male read” as you likely know is typically said to be used to “to be more inclusive. Since we don’t know how someone actually identifies and we shouldn’t assume”. Which to me is just very much a “I’m gonna categorise you into man or woman on sight, just as anyone else, but I’ll say ‘male read’/‘female read’ to make it inclusive and not feel bad in case I’m actually misgendering you.”.

The fact that people think it’s more inclusive and isn’t just basically another way to categories man and woman, while claiming to be inclusive, drives me up the wall if I think about it for to long. The idea to be categorised as “female read” is honestly more dysphoria inducing than simply being assumed to be a woman, because it feels even more like failing at being uncategorisable, because the people supposedly not clinging onto the binary are categorising me as something I’m not. And as I hinted at, at the beginning, these two categories virtually ignore any possibility of seeing people who your brain can’t sort into the man/woman categories immediately, and pushes them into one or the other. Which also can ultimately lead to erasure of intersex individuals who could be sorted differently than both their sex and gender. (I hope my wording here is okay and it’s clear what I mean. If not. Please let me know.) The categories of “female read”/“male read” to me are ultimately cissexist, exorsexist and intersexist. This whole concept is just forceful gendering of people wrapped up in a pretty package that says “feminism”.

A big personal pet peeve of mine is people praising people who categorise like that. I’ve recently seen it done by a cis woman, intersectional feminist, who was praising a speaker for using the terms.

There is also the not uncommon occurrence where it’s just not even hidden anymore that “female read” or “male read” is just put in instead of woman or man or used interchangeably.

I just truly deeply dislike how these terms have become a very common thing in feminist circles, even between trans*(= very much meaning nonbinary here as well, hence the trans*) educators, feminists and influencers. It feels like such a gut punch to see even them reinforcing the gender binary in such ways.

(If you disagree with this being exorsexism I’d be very curious as to how. Because to me personally it is a very clear example of exorsexism that I’ve been wishing to talk about since I first encountered it. Also sorry if this is worded a bit confusingly at times. I tried my best.)

this is definitely exorsexism.

i know exactly what you're talking about and i have spoken about the misuse of these terms at length on my personal social media too.

to be honest, i was about to defend ~some~ uses of these terms, but after reading everything you said, i think these terms need to be retired.

i think at least half the time people use "female-read" and "male-read" to just mean women and men, because i don't know, maybe they think nonbinary people think that men and women exist is somehow offensive? a woman is a woman and you can and should just call her a woman, a man is a man and you can and should just call him a man. calling a woman "female-read" is entirely unnecessary and quite disrespectful too, in my opinion. it basically strips her of her identity as a woman and reduces her to how society sees her. the same is true for men.

"male-read people are often the perpetrators of catcalling" is also an interesting one because it proves that "male-read" and "female-read" are just stand-ins for the gender binary and gender oppositionism: "male-read" people have (perisex cisgender) male privilege and the entitlement and attitudes that come with it. they can never be victims of patriarchal violence, only perpetrators. "female-read" people are always more marginalised than "male-read" people. if you want to talk about people who are most likely to catcall, you must talk about perisex cisgender men.

as you've said, this doesn't take into account transgender, nonbinary and intersex people as it doesn't only sort us into a new male-female gender binary but also into a binary of "perpetrator of the patriarchy" and "victim of the patriarchy" in very oversimplified ways. in its attempt at inclusivity, this language completely obscures the experiences of people whom society sees as men or women but aren't. being seen as male when you're nonbinary or female, being seen as female when you're nonbinary or male, i.e. having your gender assumed incorrectly can actually be really dangerous. it also once again reduces us to how society sees us and acts as if our actual genders don't contribute to our experience.

one of the strangest ways people use this language is when they say something like "i saw a male-read person at the shop today". like, what do you mean? you read this person as male. you projected your binary thinking onto this person. using passive voice for this is just a way to try to remove your responsibility in participating in this system of gender assumption. at this point, you might just say that you saw a man at the shop. in this context, they mean the exact same thing.

these terms also don't take into account that there are different ways of being perceived as male or female. some people are perceived as transgender male rather than cisgender male, which are two very different experiences. being seen as transgender female rather than cisgender female is also very much not the same.

people also ignore that a lot the people they're trying to be inclusive of by using this language aren't actually consistently read as either binary gender or are read as something else entirely. "male-read" and "female-read" are pretty much used to be permanent life-long states of being perceived, with the exception of people transitioning and then going from one to the other and will be read as that and only that for the rest of their life. in reality, this looks very different. some of us are called he one day and she another. sometimes it depends on our gender presentation. sometimes it depends on the person perceiving us. for many of us, we actually have no idea how someone's perceiving our gender until they indicate this. also, many of us aren't read as either male or female. a lot of us are just read as "what the fuck are you" or [insert slur here]. none of these experiences can be mapped onto the idea of male-read and female-read.

not to mention how they keep using these terms to refer to body parts. "female-read" is too often just code for "has boobs". it's especially funny when they use this language for internal organs. like, sure, the catcaller on the street totally perceives someone's uterus.

"male-read" and "female-read" are what "women and femmes" or the transmasc/transfem binary will become if we don't stop it. they can always be replaced with other more precise terms that don't reinforce exorsexism, cissexism, intersexism and gender oppositionism.

[raayllum]

you don’t have to answer this if its too discoursey but i’m too afraid to say it off anon cause I don’t wanna get yelled at, but I am not the biggest fan of emperor/king Callum fics, mainly since it feels out of character for me (since he feels more connected to magic than he does royalty as a whole, he’s only the crown prince because he & Ez don’t have any family left to take up that role)

and also because to me, as a black person, it feels really weird that it just sidelines Ezran, they always just kill him off for no reason except to put the white person in a position of power

Its okay as a concept, i suppose, say Ezran feels like he can’t bear the responsibility at his age, so Callum takes up the mantle, but it just feels Weird to me, and maybe I’m reaching but it does feel like there’s a hint of racism going on even if its not exactly the author’s intention

So back in like 2020 in the months following S3, Regent Amaya became a popular headcanon in the Janaya corner of the fandom (because they wanted to have to interact Politically with Janai rather than just personally? I don't know) and it never sat right with me for similar reasons. (Cue people complaining in S4 that Janay's plotline was more Janai centric than Amaya centric. Mmhm.)

Because here's the thing (and I've said this before) while Callum is not white (he is mixed, he's half Asian and half white) he is lighter skinned than his brother and I do understand why people think he's white at first glance (more discussion/perspectives on Callum's race in this tag) and Ezran very clearly is not, and it's also very clear how that can affect them sometimes fandom wise. Of the five like main Main characters (although that list is 100% expanding in S4), Ezran is one of two main characters of colour (bonus core protagonist points alongside his brother) and he is the only darker skinned character of colour, comparatively in the trio.

There are other reasons I think as well about why Ezran doesn't have as much fandom made about him (he's the youngest in the cast, most of the fandom is older; he's not part of a main ship, etc) but race absolutely affects a lot of the critique he (and Harrow) get as kings. I have seen people with their full chest go "I hate TDP's monarchy, they're such bad kings Viren was right" because their issue isn't at its core the monarchy, it's that their white fave's bloodline wasn't the one on the throne for once.

Also talking about race is never discoursey IMO so always feel free to drop stuff in my inbox about it. (I'll happily take getting yelled at for it, it's way easier to bear as a white person & it doesn't happen as often as a result.)

Since 2016, we've seen this mini trend of casts having one Black character, usually a boy who's a best friend of the protagonist, get routinely sidelined. Lucas had to carry Stranger Things on his back (although I think it's gotten better? Idk for sure I stopped watching the show after s2 for unrelated reasons), Finn from Star Wars deserved so much better (and I left the SW fandom bc the racism was so bad and he was my favourite after just six months), Bow from She-Ra got virtually nothing, and Gus from The Owl House actually did.

TDP, thankfully, does not fall into that trend (having more than like 1-2 Black characters in general also helps a great deal, JC) and I now no longer watch every season like a hawk to ensure that it won't, because I trust that it won't.

So. King Callum AUs. The first thing is that you're right, Callum isn't that interested in politics. While he has a mind for politics (he immediately realizes what the egg could mean globally) he's not motivated by them. In 1x06 he gets pissed & fed up because Rayla insists on giving him only the political reasonings for why she's travelling with them and not stealing the egg, and it's not enough (he wants the personal reasons). His Tales of Xadia bio reaffirms this, stating outright that he's "beholden to [his] inner circle, not some silly kingdom" in spite of being Crown Prince. I think in some ways if Callum was left alone as King, regent Amaya would be more likely, not less, even if Callum might resist out of a grief fuelled desperate "I have to do this" at first. Being King is genuinely liberating for Ezran in ways it'll just never be for his brother, thematically / personality wise

And Callum being king because Ezran died is, IMO, unnecessary and actually more restrictive for both of their characters. If you want Callum grieving but away from the throne off adventuring with Rayla in an angsty AU, you can just have him think Ez is dead and achieve the same aims. If you want Callum on the throne, you can just have him do it out of love/loyalty for his baby brother. Otherwise, Ezran actually being dead leaves Callum solely grieving and stranded away from magic (his true calling, or the temptation of dark magic). But if Callum becomes regent to try and shield his baby brother, it leaves a lot more for them to grow, disagree on and develop, etc. Just a lot more avenues. How I think this would go (honouring Ezran's role to play and how I think their dynamic would realistically develop with this addition) here.

Being aware of what does or doesn't displace a character can be tricky, but I always think of it in regards to "do you take something another character has earned and give it to another character with little consequence," killing a character off when it wouldn't change that much to keep them alive and just tweak other things (like the above), or "are you taking the challenge one character has set before them and giving it unequivocally to another".

For example I've thought about "is my theory of Callum sacrificing/handing over the Key of Aaravos for Rayla's life displacing him" but it's not, in my eyes, bc 1) all the repercussions that come from that action is still something he has to deal with, 2) he'd have a vested interest and arc in reclaiming the cube, 3) it highlights the tragedy of Callum regaining his agency from brainwashing and still being forced into Aaravos' tragedy, 4) still leaves Callum perfectly free and motivated to uncover the secrets of the key himself beforehand, it just won't end well for him. And if Callum was having big conflicts with Ezran RN, I'd probably swap in Ez as a possibility for who he'd hand the key over for too

Last but not least I do wonder if Callum will even remain his brother's High Mage. The symbolism of a brother on either side of the Border has always felt fitting to me, and I think Claudia would make a great high mage to Ez if/when she gets redeemed / she'll want to stick close to her brother. Now that Callum has Ibis' staff, I wonder if that'll also eventually include having Ibis' post, especially now that Soren has stepped up in S4 to really be Ez's protector (and Cal and Ez would still write letters all the time, of course <3 Ez checking in on him through his link with Zym).

But yeah I think if Callum did continue to be in a political role beyond high mage, he'd be best suited to be one of Ezran's top generals, and that would take its own interesting toll on Ezran's psyche

Anyway this is probs longer than you were expecting but thank you for sharing your perspective! It's something I think the bulk of the fandom has noticed and it's always good to look at areas of like, perhaps more casual than outright racism when it comes to characters of colour, and how we have a responsiblity to examine those areas when exploring things, even just in fanon

[iholdhandswithcosmicentities]

Mizuki and Ambiguity

i know first hand just how important queer rep is in media, especially in japanese media where its even more rare than it is in the west. transmasc rep is after all, virtually non-existent in almost any media... i know how desperate people can get for that rep as well, with how much shipping and headcanons have burrowed their home within the online queer community.

HOWEVER, the way people have been going about the representation that mizuki brings to project sekai is...incredibly questionable. it’s very clear that the whole thing is run by a bunch of teenagers on tiktok and twitter, and that’s quite the opposite of a compliment. They’re clawing at this rep with their bare, grubby little chronically-online fingers, and by doing so COMPLETELY dodging the whole point of mizuki as a character.

mizuki’s gender being unknown is 100% a marketing tactic, almost purely for the debate and excitement that comes with it. they want us to argue about it, they want us to think up ideas for what mizuki’s secret could be. and this is exactly why only gender-neutral language is used for mizuki, and while their only canon pronoun is ‘boku’, they/them is used to replace this neutral language, since the language structure wouldn’t make sense in english without pronouns (any translations of she/her in the english version are mistranslations, some people assume that certain characters misgender mizuki on accident or that mizuki uses they/she pronouns, but this isn’t true) because using he or she would completely ruin the secret from the start. this also causes people to assume mizuki is canonically non-binary, which is also not true. or well, we don’t know. mizuki uses they/them because their gender is unknown, not because they canonically use they/them pronouns.

japanese media has a knack for making accidentally (or sometimes purposely, idk) queer-coded characters without actually making them queer. this is seen most commonly with ‘trap’ characters, which are essentially biological boys, who identify as boys, but who look or appear to be a girl. sometimes a gender-related issue is hinted, but other times it’s just them choosing how they present themselves. this can cause a lot of confusion with exactly who is meant to be queer-coded and who isn’t, especially because some of these characters don’t exactly correct people when they misgender them (Ex. chihiro fujisaki and luka urushibara who are often headcanoned as transfem/MTF do this) and some people get REALLY MAD if you just stick with calling them boys. coding is super finicky in this sense, especially with how fluid and confusing gender tends to be even in real life. these characters could be transfem as much as they could be boys who don’t mind being called girls, an enby who uses all pronouns, or basically any form of individual outside of the stereotypical binary, whether they’re actually queer or not.

and now we come full circle back to mizuki akiyama from project sekai. a character who initially looks like a girl, but has no gendered language used on them, has multiple events focusing them dealing with a mysterious identity related issue that is never outright explained, and some ‘secret’ that they keep from the rest of their groupmates. from backstory cutscenes, which have them appearing more masculine in presentation, its pretty safe to assume that they’re biologically male. this is a widely agreed fact, but the issue arises with their gender identity. the most common headcanon is that mizuki is transfem, either non-binary or MTF, and canonically uses they/them pronouns. the existence of non-binary characters who aren’t some aliens or robots is already VERY rare in anime, even more so than gender-conforming trans characters are; it is highly unlikely that they’d have a transfem character who chooses to use they/them, as the concept of gender ≠ pronouns is fairly new to the public in general. In fact, I’ve only ever seen this ONCE in any form of media, in a manga called Love Me for Who I Am, which is an explicitly queer story surrounding multiple trans characters, including the main love interest, who is transfem, biologically male and presenting completely feminine, AND uses they/them pronouns, insisting multiple times that they don’t feel like they fit either side of the gender binary.

japanese media kind of dances around the idea of trans people, but dips into it just enough for there to be somewhat well-known trans characters in multiple mainstream anime, games or manga. grell from black butler, magne from my hero academia, arashi from ensemble stars, alluka from hunter x hunter etc. now this representation isn’t really good by any means, a lot of it played for a gag type thing or just not really developed, and all of them are misgendered at some point by other characters. so while its not very good representation, transfem rep does very well exist in anime. the common thing to happen with this characters is one of two things. 1. they or others close to them refer to them by their preferred pronouns from the beginning, and we only find out they’re trans because of separate characters misgendering them at some point. or 2. they start out pre-transition and we witness them do some form of ‘coming out’.

mizuki is a very special case, because they don’t actually fit into either of these categories. 1. mizuki isn’t referred to by any pronouns from the beginning (even in their backstory scenes, no gendered-language is used) and 2. if mizuki is trans, they would’ve started out post-transition and in the closet. i’m sure this has happened somewhere but i truthfully have never seen it.

while it is, again, definitely a marketing tactic, i do believe that mizuki does have a purpose. project sekai is a silly little rhythm game, but it goes over a lot of serious topics that surround teenage life. like any other character in project sekai, mizuki is supposed to be relatable. nightcord as a whole is a huuuge progressive step for representation of mental health, which is also a very taboo thing in japan, they even canonically use discord of all things. nightcord represents the mentally ill part of teenagehood, the rep for kids with anxiety, depression, or any other disorders. the part that mizuki plays is for people who are outcasted from society for being different in the way they present. mizuki is for the people who think matching is overrated, mizuki is for the people who can express who they are with the way they dress because they can’t do it with words, mizuki is for the transfems, the transmascs, the enbies, mizuki is for the boys who like dresses and the girls who like suits, mizuki is for the people that refuse to look how society insists they should look.

mizuki’s gender really doesn’t matter that much. whether they end up a girl or a boy or anything in between. like any piece of media, anything can have multiple interpretations from many different, funky little human brains. because that’s the thing with the unknown, is that people will always try to fill that space up with something. and if your conclusion is that mizuki is non-binary? awesome! you think mizuki is MTF? that’s lovely! you think they’re a boy who simply likes being cute? that’s great also! even if you think mizuki is transmasc, feeling masculine on the inside doesn’t always mean being masculine on the outside too! they, he, she? all fine!

mizuki is just mizuki, and i think that’s a wonderful sentiment on its own.

[forcebookish]

Hi! i’m sorry🙇🏻‍♀️for bringing up frustrations in my topmew breakdown 😅. I didn’t intend to do so and I completely understand them. I know this will sound like I’m trying to patch up things but I agree with you on several points that you’ve made. 

I also do find it frustrating when a lot of viewers straight away jump to conclusions about top and mew without trying to understand their perspective or when they try to fit them into their own personalised choices. I’ve also seen a lot of rancid takes on topmew that disgusted me so much and I’m sorry if my post was very similar (sending virtual hugs, FORCEBOOK ARE AMAZING PERIOD ❤️❤️!!). 

I just think that there are some many details put into this show in terms of the wardrobe choices, the directing, narrative frameworks, etc. because p’Jojo and his team are very known being very detailed about their shows like how they insert in a lot of underlying commentaries. idk i tend to be the overthinking type but there’re a lot of visual cues with mew especially, e.g. his READ ME bag and the whole visual and sense perception thing. it’s already difficult enough to find meta posts that would talk about topmew and not turn them into 24/7 manipulative a*holes/players.

Don’t get me wrong, I also do enjoy seeing how their dates play out. I really enjoyed the pool date, laser tag, even the silent disco…I can honestly go on😂. It’s very clear to me as well that they developed feelings of love over time. I was just wondering because so many people were like “when is mew going to confront top?”, “when will he know?”. there was already a waiting game and uneasiness about it and when for mew to “go to his dark side” for many episodes (impatience?). mainly because one of most important turning points and conflicts of the storyline is when mew confronts top about boston. I mean every character would have their own conflicts but the whole mew-top-boston confrontation? That’s what affected every character and one of the main reasons is that mew is the central character. regardless, that scene had so much anticipation from when it happened to when mew finds out. (I’ll insert in some positivity here - that topmew scene in EP6 is no doubt one of if not the most iconic scene of the show👌🏼 - FORCEBOOK DELIVERED ON THAT. PERIOD).

I’m aware that topmew have done other dates like the bookstore, pool date, cafe, etc. but I only brought up those 3 specific dates because it’s interesting how there’s a sense deprived, which I don’t think it’s a coincidence? That was just me branching out to a possible thought process behind these specific dates if they had some sort of underlying significance. at the same time, there’s no denying that these experiences are what mew can never properly experience through books - that I agree 100%. 

in my mind while I wrote the last post, I was thinking about the whole idea of topmew’s growth and how their relationship dynamic could change now that they’re really starting over. talking about it, they no doubt had miscommunication and insecurities in the past. Boeing being present obviously will challenge that and it’s actually a good thing before they properly reconcile. I’m also curious, after the whole Boeing with topmew thing is over (let’s be fr, the more severe “Boeing related” issue is going to be with sand), how do you think topmew will move forward from there and what might realistically happen to them in terms of the storyline? we obviously have our wants for what fluffy things topmew to do (gosh it’s so painful to see sad fanedits and them being as such from EP 6-9😭) but realistically within 3 EPs, I can’t fully trust that the showrunners will leave us 100% no topmew drama within the remaining episodes. One thing I’m definitely awaiting to see is if we get a much more fiery passionate Mew😝 (oh I’ll likely have a mental breakdown). And actually I want to see topmew properly talk about top’s insomnia or maybe have a convo sitting opposite each other. 

After writing all of this, I strongly feel like topmew is the true definition of “us against the world” ah 😂😂. thank you so much  again for reading this, sending more virtual warm hugs❤️. (Sidenote: forcebook going to Rome for a fanmeet, my heart is still beaming with a lot of pride)

nah, you're good, anon!🫂 i totally got where you were coming from. and tbh, i love being given an excuse to talk meta and symbolism!

my biggest issue with those kinds of interpretations is that they clearly come from, similar to what you said, a place of anxiety about something that the audience technically is not supposed to know about yet. it's not a feeling that comes organically from the text. it comes from that waiting game you mentioned, not what the drama is actually presenting.

i have it on good authority that people who hadn't seen the trailer or queue/behind the scenes do not get any "off" vibes from any of topmew's scenes before episode three, see the public shower scene for what it actually is (assault), and understand that top's feelings for mew are genuine. it's a seeing ghosts type thing, if you're not anticipating a blowup you don't see signs of it everywhere. because they're not there! what is actually "wrong" about their relationship is mew's unwillingness to fall fully and actually open up to top and, you know, top lying (about something that he knew would make him lose mew - and, honestly, boston is one of mew's closest friends, who would he believe?).

i agree there are a lot of visual details that enhance or tell a greater story! i just thought the antlers might be reaching a little😅 but you're absolutely right about the wardrobe choices and the "read me" bag.

i think the thing with boeing is going to be similar to mew paying attention to how top interacts with/ignores other guys who are obviously attracted to him in episode five. he's going to see, again, that top only has eyes for mew and that's what's going to help strengthen the relationship. boston was a one-time thing, because he manipulated top's feelings for mew. it is unfortunate that the drama seems to be ignoring the assaults and boston coercing top, but i'm hoping after this initial shock that mew will finally see that it came from a place of insecurity rather than outright mistrust. or if the video really is a sex tape like i thought it was 😭 but maybe all that was on me for not assuming there wouldn't be at least one or two drama contrivances 🤡

i do think it's pretty likely they'll talk about top's insomnia more in depth since it seems like he's been inviting boeing over for the sole purpose of being able to sleep - especially now that we know there was a cut scene where top tried to have a one-night stand and couldn't go through with it. he wouldn't have just changed his mind for an ex-boyfriend lol

and yeah! topmew are "us against the world," they even have their own little world. it bums me out that this should have stuck to inside the drama, and it wasn't also "us against the fandom," but i'll always be right beside them, against the world together😭

thanks for stopping by again, anon!

[maebelleoftheparty]

Keeping Your Remote Team Loyal So They Don’t Ghost You When You Need Them Most

When I first started my social media marketing agency years ago, I knew I needed help. But hiring a full-time in-house team? Yeah, not in the budget. That’s when I started looking into hiring a remote team, and let me tell you— OnlineJobs.ph was a game-changer. I spent hours rummaging through their blogs and watching videos, learning everything I could about managing a virtual team. Now, a few years in, I’ve built a solid, loyal crew of talented VAs (or Online Filipino Specialist [OFS] as what they call them) from the Philippines. Years later and I can confidently say, I wouldn't have it any other way.

So, how do you cultivate loyalty when your team is spread across different time zones, and you can’t exactly bond over coffee breaks? Here’s what worked for me:

Build Trust from the Start When you’re hiring remotely, trust is everything. I made it a point to really get to know my team members, not just as employees, but as people. Early on in the hiring process, I make sure to ask them a LOT of questions to learn about not just their work-related experience but also their life and how their day looks like. Once they're hired, we do regular one-on-one check-ins. We talk about work, their goals, even their hobbies. It’s all about showing that you genuinely care—not just about the tasks they complete, but about them as individuals. When your team feels seen and valued, loyalty naturally follows.

Be Transparent and Clear One of the biggest hurdles in remote work is communication. Early on, I learned that being vague can cause so many problems down the line. Now, I try to be as clear as possible when assigning tasks, outlining deadlines, and giving feedback. And it’s not just about the work—I’m also transparent about the bigger picture. I share updates on the company, where we’re heading, and how they play a vital role in our success. This makes everyone feel like they’re part of something bigger.

Celebrate Wins, Big and Small Remote work can feel isolating at times, so I make it a point to celebrate everything. Whether it’s a successful campaign launch or just a team member handling a tough client like a pro, I shout them out. I’ll send a quick message, hop on a call, or even give small bonuses to show appreciation. A little recognition goes a long way in building loyalty.

Give Them Room to Grow One of the things I learned as a remote team manager is that people thrive when they feel like they’re growing. My VAs are super talented, and I never want them to feel like they’re stuck in a repetitive grind. I encourage them to take on new challenges and learn new skills. If someone on my team shows interest in something outside of their usual tasks, I’m all for it. Empowering them this way keeps them engaged and loyal to the team.

Respect Their Time This is huge. Just because we work remotely doesn’t mean we should expect 24/7 availability. I make sure my team has a clear understanding of working hours, and I never overload them. Plus, I don’t use time trackers, as suggested by John Jonas—because let’s be real, you can’t expect a full 8 hours of 100% productive work. That’s not how creativity works. Even in a face-to-face setup, people need breaks to let their ideas flow. When you respect your team’s time, they respect yours, and it builds a healthy, loyal working relationship.

Pay Fairly and on Time This might seem obvious, but paying your team fairly and making sure they get paid on time is crucial. I offer competitive rates based on their experience. It’s one of the easiest ways to show your team that you value their work. Trust me, nothing builds loyalty faster than being a boss who’s got their back financially.

So you see... cultivating loyalty in a remote team isn’t all that different from building it in a traditional office setting. It’s about trust, communication, and showing that you care. Now, if you’re thinking about building a remote team, head over to OnlineJobs.ph, do your research, watch a few videos, and take the leap. You’ll be surprised how you can build and grow a team of loyal OFS.

[nelll101]

Sword Art Online (ep.1,2,5,8)

Very interesting show so far, I can see why so many people like it so much. I'm eager to watch it through fully on my own time one day so I can decide for myself if it really is just that good like people say lol.

The plot is immediately engaging, it centers around video games and the effects of it and technology has on people's reality/lives. The focus is on mostly Kirito and Asuna but the show shows how the video games affects the other players of the game as a whole. Kirito was one of the first few to get to play the first shipment of the game and has some experience in it already. We find out that when it officially launched and people started playing it, they cannot log out of the game and are stuck in this new reality until they complete all 100 levels. Also if they die in the game, they die in real life. Kirito so far tries to play this "game of life" solo and wants to get out of the game. He meets Asuna who also wants to get out of the game and she is more goal driven and determined than Kirito about it.

In episode 1, which is some foreshadowing to what will be said in episode 8, Kirito tells the guy he met, "Even though it's a virtual world, I feel more alive in here than I ever did in the real one”. Kirito cannot be alone in feeling like that, and we see here for the very first time which the show introduces to you very early that people find a reality in something that isn't reality at all.

In episode 5, we see that the players have created loopholes to gain more XP. Sleep PK abuses the duel system. You can challenge a sleeping person by manipulating that persons finger to click the OK button, and then attack one-sidedly and kill other players by doing so. This shows the lengths people will go to in desperation. Is it the right thing to do? No. But when put into a world that was created upon all things unethical, what makes the actions and choices you take in that world right or wrong? If this world technically isn't the real world, does it matter? Unfortunately by dying in the game, you die in real life so the mixture of what is real and what is not becomes intertwined into something the players become so immersed in, they can't tell the difference.

In episode 8, it shows that the players have become so consumed by the game. Kirito and Asuna agree that they both feel like they’ve been living in this game their whole life and more and more people don’t seem to care about clearing the game and getting back to the real world. I figured thats what would happen since episode 1. I thought, by all the rules of the game, can't they just choose not to fight and instead build another life in that game as if it were their normal life from the beginning? The players are technically able to live a whole different but “normal” life in this game if they don’t try to complete floors and kill bosses. This opportunity can be seen as a blessing or curse. Are they lazy/too afraid or just want to live a life of comfortability? Its an escape of an escape of reality. People enter VR games and “escape” from their own reality but are technically still in it, but in SAO they escape from their reality from two levels, the video game, and their real life. Kirito in the scene of him laying on the grass and taking in the day can be seen as him accepting the new reality he is living in. He starts to take the environment around him, in, and "appreciate" it. The author in the reading talks about reality and uses the example of whoever fakes an illness can just stay in bed and make everyone believe that they are ill. “Therefore, pretending, or dissimulating, leaves the principle of reality intact: the difference is always clear, it is simply masked, whereas simulation threatens the difference between the "true" and the "false," the "real" and the "imaginary." Is the simulator sick or not, given that he produces "true" symptoms? Objectively one cannot treat him as being either ill or not ill.” The author is saying that pretending and simulating are different. Simulation ends up threatening what is considered real and imaginary. Is the simulator sick or not means is the simulator in a "reality" if it seems like reality (true symptoms)?.

[losingitinjersey]

Ever spend the last 12 days intending to blog every day and then never finding the time to do so?  Yup, that’s where I’ve been at.  Straight up in survival mode over here.  

My MIL left on Monday and while my days since have been spent constantly putting out fires managing two crying children (often at the same time), I’m oh so flipping happy to be on my own again :) I understand that it’s important for family to come and visit and get to know their grandchildren. While I’m happy we all had that time together I’m glad to now have the time to figure out life as a family of four without an extra person in the house.  

Kevin started a new rotation that has him gone six days a week from 4 a.m. to 8:30 p.m. (or later) so all he has time to do is come home and sleep.  Poor guy :( I went from having both him and either my mom or MIL home all the time to now doing everything alone.  It’s a lot but I’m surviving!  

Here’s a rundown of some of the highlights from the last 12 days. 

Aug passed her hearing test!  Woooo!

Thanks to the MIL here, Kevin and I were able to go (BY OURSELVES) out to dinner, out to brunch, on several walks, and two grocery shopping dates!  Such a dreeaaammm!

My MIL strongly dislikes/is scared of my cat, Saki.  As such, on one of the days I was gone at appointments with Aug for six hours she didn’t let him downstairs.  Due to this he pooped in my bedroom on the carpet :(  To my MIL’s credit, she thought he had a litterbox upstairs, but no.  That’s why I’m always letting him down and opening up the bathroom with the litterbox in it for him all the time.  Pay attention, woman. 

While we’re on the MIL rant, I’ll keep going with two more stories. 

I’ve put Erp to sleep every night of her life except for when I was at the hospital delivering Aug.  We have a bedtime routine that I look forward to every day and one that I find to be an intimate experience that only we share.  One night that I’m putting her down, I come out to find the kitchen and dining room still a mess with Kevin and his mom sitting on the couch (she has Aug in her arms so she gets a pass).  But I’m frustrated and start to clean.  At one point I look up to ask if MIL can turn on the monitor (that I know was turned off before I went in to start bedtime) and I see she’s looking at it watching Erp.  I ask her if that means she watched us while we were in there.  She replied that she had.  I reply, “Great.” Drop what I’m washing in the sink and run upstairs slamming the door shut behind me.  I go to pump and cool off.  I come downstairs 40 minutes later to tell her I overreacted but also that I felt she had invaded our privacy.  She tells me, through tears, that it reminded her of her time with Kevin when he was a baby.  I get it, but still.  Kevin said had he known she was watching he would have told her to stop since I made it VERY clear to him early on in Erp’s life that I don’t like being watched on the monitor when I’m in there with her.  I guess I should have told her about my preference in advance but I never thought I’d need to spell it out like that.  

For the last week she was here, she had Chicago Med on the TV constantly, at relatively loud volume.  Please note that we never ever ever have the TV on at our house unless we’re actively watching something, and if that happens it’s 99% of the time just me watching and I do it for an hour at night when everyone is asleep.  If we need background noise, music is playing.  She would just sit on the couch and watch her show talking about gunshots, premature birth, and whatever kind of medical drama while my kids are running around.  I’m sorry, but I thought you were here to connect with your grandkids?  So while she sat on the couch, I would engage and play with Erp for hours.  Cool cool cool.  

Please note that despite all this she’s a lovely woman and a great grandmother and mother and MIL.  I came into her visit already dreading more company, and I’m sure I’m still surging with hormones from the pregnancy (right? or am I just this way always now?).  All this to say that I was not begging her to stay and getting used to taking care of both kids on my own wasn’t that hard since I’d basically been doing it during her entire visit. 

Okay, let’s take a breather and talk about other things. 

Do you remember the 21st night of September? I DO because my 6 week old slept 12 straight hours! GLORIOUS. 

After finishing listening to Billy Summers (loved it!) I decided to undertake Stephen King’s hefty novel, The Stand.  I’d been scared to attempt it ever since I read 100 pages of it in 9th grade before deciding to pick it up again later.  I guess 23 years later did the trick because I’m thoroughly enjoying it!  I’ve learned that audiobooks are the only way I can get through any material lately.  It makes me want to go out on walks and take drives so I can listen to MoAr!  I’m already 10 hours into the 48 hour novel.  Although, I gotta say, it certainly feels strange to read about a deadly pandemic (written in 1978) during this current pandemic.  

After two months since I initially contacted the nearby school/daycare, I finally followed up to get Erp on a waitlist.  There are six kids ahead of her.   We took a tour on Friday and I want her to get in so so badly, hopefully before we move in June!  It would be such a great place for her to socialize and learn!

If any of the above isn’t telling, my hormones are all over the place. I know this because my face has decided to rage in all the redness and acne. So fun! 

Thanks to getting my house back, I’ve been able to establish a routine for us which includes going on stroller walks every day with the girls!  We’ve already made it over 37 miles this month!  Loving the outside time and knowing I’m working hard at my weight loss efforts.  

Despite being on maternity leave, this past Friday I was invited to participate in an EA (virtual) offsite with my team at work!  It was great to be able to see everyone again!  At the end we participated in a cooking class where they mailed me a box of all the ingredients to cook a NY Strip Steak and Corn Succotash! Deeeelicious! 

Given Erp’s increasing interest and ability at walking, I attempted a walk with her the other day, sans stroller!  I wore Aug in a wrap on my chest and held Erp’s hand as we walked around the neighborhood. We walked a good 1/4 of a mile!  Everything was fine until we made it back to our walkway and she refused to climb up the step to head back inside.  Like, laid flat on the ground refusal.  Since Aug was on me I couldn’t really just grab Erp and muscle her back inside.  She wouldn’t listen to any request of mine to go inside so we had a power struggle of what felt like 15 minutes but I’m sure was closer to 5.  She would try to crawl around my feet (into the bushes even to get around me), and any time I tried to lift her up she’d pull herself to the ground crying.  Eventually I tucked Aug’s flopping head into the fabric of the wrap so I could lean down and grab my tantruming child and carry her inside.  I want to be able to keep up with these excursions but not sure how to do so if she continues to rebel like this.  Like, if she did this farther from home we’d be up a creek.  Hopefully she’ll improve in time? 

OKAY! Hopefully we can now get back to our regularly scheduled blogging so a massive update like this won’t be necessary again :)  Thanks for taking time out of your day to catch up with me!

[darthwheezely]

Georgie Weasley HCS!

This is again, probably the first of many headcanons parts because the twins own mu ass and that’s perfectly fine with me.

Also please watch the video it makes me cry with happy tears-

Warnings: stupidly adorable men named George Fabian Weasley, diabetic level fluff, diet angst, me cussing oops

Let’s be clear: I love this man more than life itself, just because I’m a Fred girl doesn’t mean I don’t simp unhealthily hard for this man ok now I’m done let’s get into it

God, he’s such a soft boy

Like he was the kid growing up that hated seeing lil bugs being stepped on and would make it a priority to save them

“No, even bugs are living things too!” And would cradle them and set them back in the yard, whispering words of encouragement

He would frequently cry to Molly about how worried he was about if they got back to their families or not

At times like these, she was worried for her beautiful son but held him all the same

It’s the way George Weasley loves reading for me

This boy is a bookworm. Period.

He’s read LOTR more times than he’s liked to admit, and he’s read Romeo and Juliet enough times that when the Baz Luhrman movie came out he quite possibly saw it 5 times in a row

Like a movie screening a day. This kid-

That week he screams “part fools you know not what you do” to an unholy extent and Fred almost shanks him like 12 times

He also develops a crush on Claire Danes but that is besides the point

True story anyway-

He is a fantastic cook

No, like for real

If he knows Molly is busy that morning at home and he knows the Burrow is stocked enough with ingredients he can manipulate-

He’s making everyone breakfast

Like regular omelettes? Uh, Chile anyways have you HAD a George Weasley omelette

He hates following recipes too

Swears it “kills his artistic tendencies” but I really think it’s because he stresses over measurements

But that’s what Fred is for :)

His favorite muggle game is Scrabble

He whips literally everyone’s ass at it and has a copy of the Scrabble dictionary on him

“George, what the fuck, ‘aal’ isn’t a real word-“

“WELL LET’s CONSULT THE DICTIONARY HMM-“

He also just starts to make up random words

No one really argues this

So is it cheating?

Nah he just calls it ingenuity sis

Again, this is pretty canon but he has a lot of pent up anger issues

Externally, he keeps his cool light years better than Fred ever will, but internally, he just bottles it all

This is of course why George is considered to be the better beater of the two-

He waits until Quidditch to release all of his anger and stress and pain

Our angel feels resentful of Fred sometimes

He loves him more than anyone on thsi earth, 100%, but Fred doesn’t really understand how much people compare them both and how many people don’t see George as his own person

This leads to being a hyper vigilant Georgie, going above and beyond to craft the best plans

The best jokes

Just wanting to be the best at something

And Fred is there to hype him up constantly along the way, but never really will understand how hard it is for George to cope with his inferiority complex

George gets a bit clingy to his loved ones, afraid they’ll pull away when they realize he’s not Fred

He just needs a bit of reassurance and extra loving :) he deserves every bit of it

George Fabian is a crier

He always has been ever since he was little which led to a very confused Freddie (he’s not a big externally emotional human, in terms of expression like crying)

George is a big empath

He feels virtually everything that his loved ones feel which fills him with a lot of duty to protect

At all costs

George is basically young Arthur, I’m not gonna lie

He’d never say it but George just wants a daughter. Or 10.

To spoil and love and hold

He wants a child of his own to see run around and be crazy with

But also to read to every night and make them feel protected and respected and loved

He wants to be what his dad was and is to him you know?

Also um...babes is kinky

If asked if he’s a, t, or thighs?

Thighs. Every time.

This man is addicted to hips like if you’re dancing at a party and moving your hips?

Good lord he’s such a goner

He’s also packing but yknow

He’s super romantic

Probably the most romantic of any of the Weasley siblings

He’s sucker for old school romanticism and is the most chivalrous little angel

He also probably has a stash of pick up lines and romantic sentences in French or Spanish in his back pocket

Please god I love this man

He has DEFINITELY called you the following:

Darling, my love, my soul, my glorious one, it GOES ON THE MORE ILLUSTRIOUS THE BETTER

Please save me from myself writing this I’m a fred girl but god help me I would die for George Fabian Weasley

His favorite scent is of mornings

Like when you wake up early and you smell dew and grass and sunlight

That’s his favorite scent in the entire world

His favorite dessert is Canary Creams - honestly, he don’t even care about the “side effects” they just taste too damn good

You think I’m joking, Fred legitimately had to take them away from him during testing

“Georgie, stop oh my god we only have so many-“

“P L E A S E I’ll make more later they’re so yummy”

“STOP IT IM SERIOUS”

Basically our angel

And we love him. Period.

[panlight]

What are the top three ways that the story breaks belief by giving Bella whatever she/Meyer wants? What are the top three ways that the story does great at showing the realities of vampirism?

1. The baby. Yes, I know, SM technically didn’t address a male vampire and female human and whether they could have a child or not, but all her comments pre-BD heavily, heavily implied that vampires couldn’t have children, to the degree that the whole fandom believed this and would comment on fic where they had kids as being unrealistic. She also wrote Bella as not liking/wanting kids, easily giving it up when Rosalie warned her, being dismissive of Esme and Rosalie’s longing (”they get by just fine”) and then . . . gives her a kid and she’s instantly on board and fulfilled being a mom at 19 (although Edward is still her priority in a lot of ways). Also SM’s justification for Edward being able to conceive is an entry on a 1990s vampire website on Angelfire about the incubus which isn’t even really a vampire and if you look into that mythology the incubus’ children aren’t his biologically but that’s a whole other point. It just makes no sense to me that one half of the species is 100% infertile full-stop but the other half retains the ability to conceive children but ONLY with the species they are supposed to eat. What kind of biology is that, that’s so weird. It all feels so contrived just so E/B *specifically* can have a kid and honestly they would have been fine without one, it wasn’t THEIR great desire, it was Rosalie’s and Esme’s. 

2. Letting Charlie in on it. I know, it would have been sad and awful for her to have to fake her own death or just disappear but that’s what she was signing up for and getting to keep Charlie around with some loophole about not using the word ‘vampire’ does not feel realistic to me. Honestly the whole idea of secrecy is just so inconsistent. We need a convoluted plan to steal multiple cars because omg secrecy! the sun! the cops! but then they can go to a hospital where somewhere knew forever 23-year-old Carlisle 14 years ago and secrecy? What secrecy? We’ll just let him think it’s plastic surgery, whatever. Likewise Charlie. Oh no humans can't know, it’s not safe, we’ll have to leave him in the dark to protect him! And then it’s just like “Charlie conveniently doesn’t want details and as long as we don’t actually use the word ‘vampire’ we aren’t breaking any rules” feels too easy. 

3. Pretty much instant self-control. She passes it off as Bella being “prepared” and “braced” for it, but then in Life and Death, Beau is also pretty much instantly in control too and he didn’t have time to prepare at all. And sure, you can come up with reasons, her aversion to blood as a human being a decent one, and by itself it might not have bothered me too much, but because it’s combined with all the other ways Breaking Dawn lets the air out of the balloon after three books of build up about how much Bella will have to give up and what a struggle it will be to be a vampire, it feels too easy. I WANTED the newborn stuff! I was excited for it! I was stoked to get to see first-hand what it was like to go from human to vampire and what kind of adjustments you have to make within yourself, so Bella just being instantly great at it and loving it with zero angst was anticlimactic and boring for me.

But vampirism is pretty terrible for like, virtually anyone else? I mean, pick a backstory! They’re all dark and awful and sad (at BEST bittersweet) and fit perfectly in the vampire genre (could do without the violence against women, though, since she doesn't apply it in the same way to the male characters. Life and Death makes that glaringly clear). 

1. Alistair was turned into a vampire after his power-hungry father enlisted the help of a shady vampire who went by Astaroth, Prince of Hell, but was actually some blond dude named George and fed him his wife and daughters in exchange for Alistair to become a vampire and then eventually King (how was THAT supposed to work? Oh well). Then Alistair accidentally kills his father, his horse breaks his neck trying to get away from him, and all his beloved falcons are terrified of him and abandon him.

2. Within the Cullens, you have Carlisle, the son of a monster-hunting pastor who was turned during a vampire raid, knew he could never return to his father like that, tried to destroy himself, and ended up trying to starve himself, as a newborn, in the forest, for months. The angst! The crisis of faith! The horror! This is a compelling vampire story right there! A crime it wasn’t in the movies!

3. Everything about the newborn wars. That’s all terrible and brutal and violent and like, thank you, this is a vampire story, we need that. The idea of creating armies of new vampires, at their strongest and most feral, and then killing them when their power wanes after their first year is so dark and awful. Gaslighting the few mature vampires who remain into believing that it’s the way ALL vampires live so they’re no point in leaving. Just eternal, constant warfare and killing--not only killing humans for sustenance but your own kind. And it bucks the trend of a lot of vampire stories where vampires grow more powerful with age; the idea that NEW vampires are the strongest is actually pretty terrifying, it makes turning anyone into a vampire to join you as a companion or partner a pretty big gamble--can you control them until they Calm Down? Will their instincts overwhelm them and they’ll see you as a threat and destroy you? 

You read about these things and you’re like “the same lady who gave Bella a baby, a fairy tale cottage and a sexy brand new car upon her conversion to vampirism came up with THAT?” 

[joshjacksons]

Joshua Jackson interview with "Mr Porter" (2021)

Minutes before Mr Joshua Jackson joins me in a booth for a Friday afternoon drink at a vibey hotel bar in Santa Monica, he’s confronted by his past. Or rather, a woman in her early twenties who is binge-watching Dawson’s Creek, the teen show about a close-knit group of high-school friends coming of age in a sleepy American town, which made Jackson incredibly famous between 1998 and 2003. The series, which also made household names of Ms Michelle Williams and Ms Katie Holmes, went off air 18 years ago, but is now streaming on Netflix, to the bemusement of Jackson, who played lovable rogue Pacey Witter. “This girl was like, ‘Are you...?’ And I’m like, ‘Yes, I am. He got old. I’m sorry to break it to you,’” he says, before ordering an iced tea and a charcuterie board to tide him over until dinner time. “It always surprises me when young people say they’ve just got into Dawson’s Creek. I’m like, ‘Is it a costume drama to you? Do you feel like you’re watching a historical documentary?’”

The idea of a Friends-style reunion episode or a Sex And The City revival feels equally far-fetched to Canadian-born Jackson, now 43 and wearing it well in a pale green linen shirt and tailored linen trousers by Oliver Spencer that complement his fading brown hair and Cali-tanned skin.

“I don’t know why you’d want to [bring it back],” he says. “Nobody needs to know what those characters are doing in middle age. We left them in a nice place. Nobody needs to see that Pacey’s back hurts. I don’t think we need that update.”

And Jackson doesn’t need Dawson’s Creek. From Mr JJ Abrams’ sci-fi series Fringe (2008-2013) to the Golden Globe award-winning The Affair (2014-2019), from Ms Ava DuVernay’s ground-breaking true-crime drama When They See Us (2019) to the recent Ms Reese Witherspoon and Ms Kerry Washington-produced Little Fires Everywhere (2020), he has commanded the small screen – with a collection of dynamic and diverse work – ever since.

His latest role as Mr Christopher Duntsch, the Texas surgeon convicted of gross malpractice when 33 of his patients were left seriously injured after he operated on them and two of them died, in chilling Peacock crime drama Dr Death, is only stepping his career up another gear.

“I’ve never played anyone irredeemable before,” says Jackson, who is joined in the eight-part series (based on the 2018 Wondery podcast of the same name) by Messrs Christian Slater and Alec Baldwin. “He is charming, gregarious and has a high-level intellect, but he’s also a misogynist, probably a sociopath, certainly a narcissist and a complete incompetent who is incapable of seeing himself.”

If Duntsch is terrifying, then Jackson’s portrayal is even more so. The artist formerly known as Pacey is virtually unrecognisable (thanks to prosthetics) in the opening scene, but the real challenge for Jackson was allowing himself to view someone who is so “spectacularly evil” as a human being in order to walk in his shoes. “It’s a more damning portrayal of the man to make him into a human being, rather than just make him the bad guy,” he says. “He really believes he’s the hero, he’s the genius and that he’s the victim, so once I got past my own judgment, all the other things fell into place.”

Jackson might have his pick of stellar roles – and challenges – now, but it has not happened by accident. Take it from someone who has been in the business since landing his first job aged 14 in Disney’s live-action movie series The Mighty Ducks, opposite Brat Pack alumnus Mr Emilio Estevez.

“You try to make it look like it happens accidentally,” he says, “but there is no way to do this and not be ambitious. I’d say I’m extremely ambitious because I’ve been doing this cutthroat job for nearly 30 years. I’m in the pay-off phase of my career now. One of the benefits of surviving for as long as I have is you get to learn from your own mistakes.”

Such as? “I wouldn’t say, ‘I wish I hadn’t done that,’ because it all becomes bricks in a path, but [after Dawson’s Creek] I was not choosy enough about the things I was doing. You get stuck. You start trying to perform the performance you think people are hoping to see you do. I was so used to working all the time that I just worked all the time. There was definitely a conscious moment in my mid-twenties when I realised I wasn’t really enjoying the work that I was doing. My manager at the time just said, ‘Take a breath. You’re burnt out.’”

The turning point came in 2005, when Jackson was offered a role in the two-hander Mr David Mamet play A Life In The Theatre, opposite Sir Patrick Stewart. “God bless him, Patrick could have made my life miserable because I had no idea what I was doing, ” he says. “I hadn’t been on stage since I was a kid and now I was in the West End in over my head. But it reminded me that I actually enjoyed being an actor, that it’s not about the red carpet or travelling around the world. What I really enjoy is working on good material with good people.”

It’s no surprise Jackson’s time on Dawson’s Creek led to a career crisis. From the ages of 19 to 24, he lived with his fellow cast mates in Wilmington, North Carolina, filming day in, day out, in an arrangement he likens to college. “You get to the end and they’re like, ‘Here’s your degree. Go live now. You’re an adult. Go out into the world,’” he says.

But most graduates don’t have to deal with global fame. “It’s transitory. You’re only ever cool for a moment and then you become much less cool. I was always pretty dubious about flatterers,” he says, recalling a time he was stung in London in the mid-2000s. “I went on a date in Hyde Park with a woman whose name I will not use – she was socialite-famous – and she was acting completely bizarre, looking over her shoulder the whole time. I came to find out that she had hired a photographer to follow us through the park and gave a whole story to the tabloids about how I was going to meet her family.”

It was his growing fortune, rather than fame, that caused Jackson the most anxiety. “Suddenly, at 19 years old, I was making more in a week than most of my friends’ parents would make in a year,” he says. “It was lovely to have the money, but it was that feeling of nobody is worth that kind of money. You feel like a fraud and it took me a long time to forgive myself for not being the thing that I was perceived as.”

Born in Vancouver, but raised in Topanga, California, until he was eight (before moving back to Vancouver following his parents’ divorce), Jackson bought his childhood home in 2001 and lives in it today with his wife, British Queen & Slim actor Ms Jodie Turner-Smith, and their 15-month-old daughter.

“My father unfortunately was not a good father or a husband and exited the scene, but that house in Topanga was where everything felt simple, so it was a very healing thing for me to do,” he says. Fast-forward to 2021 and his baby daughter now sleeps in her father’s childhood bedroom. “There was a mural of a dragon on the wall in that room that I couldn’t believe was still there, years later. The owner [who sold him the house] said, ‘I knew it meant a lot to somebody and that they were going to come back for it some day.’”

Becoming a first-time parent during a pandemic sounds stressful, but it afforded Jackson months at home with his wife and child that his normal work schedule wouldn’t have allowed.

“I now recognise how perverse the way that we have set up our society is,” he says. “There is not a father I know who works a regular job who didn’t go back to the office a week later. It’s robbing that man of the opportunity to bond with his child and spend time with his partner.”

Despite his obvious career ambitions, fatherhood has changed Jackson’s priorities in “every possible way”, he says. “It’s 100 per cent changed how I approach my work and my life. That has been made so clear to me in this past year. For me to feel good about what I’m doing day to day, my family has to be the central focus.

“There are plenty of things left for me to do, but now the thing that gets me excited is experiencing the world through my daughter’s eyes. I can’t wait to take her scuba diving. I can’t wait to take her skiing. I can’t wait to read a great book with her. I’m not worried at all she’ll be a wallflower. She’s been a character from the word go.”

Jackson met Turner-Smith, 34, two days after his 40th birthday. He had been single since his 10-year relationship with German actress Ms Diane Kruger ended in 2016. “I was not looking to fall in love again or meet the mother of my child, but life has other plans for you,” he says.

The couple met at a party. Turner-Smith was wearing the same The Future Is Female Ejaculation T-shirt Ms Tessa Thompson’s character, Detroit, wears in the 2018 film Sorry To Bother You. “That’s what I used to break the ice. I shouted, ‘Detroit!’ across the room. Not the smoothest thing I’ve ever done, but it worked. We were pretty much inseparable from the word go. It was a whirlwind romance and I can tell my daughter I literally saw her mother across a room and thought, ‘I have to be next to this woman.’”

A self-confessed “useless” shopper, Jackson gives his wife full credit for his current wardrobe. He is jewellery-free, apart from a wedding band and a gold signet “JJ” ring on his little finger (a present from his wife), and discovered tailored sweatsuits (by Stampd and Reigning Champ) in the pandemic.

“Jodie has influence in the way that a wonderful wife encourages you, through love, to dress well. She was like, ‘We’re going to throw away all the sweatpants from your past and I’m going to get you some that actually make you look like an adult male and you will still feel comfortable around the house,’ and I’m like, ‘What an amazing idea!’ Who knew you could get sweatsuits that actually look good on your body?”

Jackson’s style has evolved, he says, “from slovenly teen to it’s-nice-when-your-clothes-actually-fit-you”. The penny dropped after he auditioned for his former co-star Estevez, who was directing the 2006 Mr Robert Kennedy biopic Bobby. He said to me, ‘You only got this job because I know you. You came in here to play a very well-put together 1960s political operative and you’re wearing jeans and a hoodie.’

“I had to grow up a little bit. We are very much raised in Canada to never, ever show off, so it took me a while to recognise it’s OK to look good when you go out.”

Still, when you’ve grown up in front of the camera, “every pimple literally documented”, and lived (very successfully) to tell the tale, you can probably be forgiven for the odd fashion faux pas.

“I wore a silk Ascot to an event once in Paris and I still have nightmares about it,” he says. “I looked like Fred from Scooby Doo, but you live and learn.”

[notcolleen]

realizing how much i crave outside validation bc my current situation is: feeling really proud of myself for pulling myself out of a relapse that would have inevitably landed me back in treatment, but also being unable to fully voice that pride bc i never let anyone know how bad it had gotten lol

so that’s when i turn back to tumblr aka the social media platform that has honestly seen way too much of my Worst over the years (consider that a tw for ed behavior talk behind the cut)

[[MORE]]

for ppl that don’t know, i just got back from a ~10 day trip to oregon (half of which was spent on a greyhound, a nostalgic throwback to my Journey to Rainrock in 2014 lol) — and before i left, i was feeling really stuck because i was feeling better mentally (thank you ect and therapy) but also still trapped behaviorally with bingeing and purging and restricting/compulsive movement outside of that

i was in a virtual “emotional eating” dbt group, but i was not being honest with them because they made it clear that the group was for “disordered eating” and not a clinical eating disorder — and the director was someone i had previously worked with while inpatient, so she was very aware of my history, and i think on some level she knew i was holding back information lol but it was super anxiety provoking feeling like at any moment i could slip up with what i said and be kicked out

im technically still in the group bc they are able to hold my place for two weeks, but i also really need to go back to work and want to have full availability there so that i can actually get hours (and ultimately it wasn’t very helpful bc it truly wasn’t the right level of care) — so im gonna need to make an awkward phone call on monday and explain that i don’t need them to hold my spot (typing that out for accountability so that i don’t just ghost them, which is 100% my pattern 👀)

anyway, before leaving for my trip, my brain was 50/50 “you can use this as an opportunity to fully relapse and lose 46291846 lbs” and “you can use this as an opportunity to pull your head out of ur ass and start breaking patterns and build new neuropathways and all that fun recovery stuff” but either way the one thing i knew i needed to stop was the purging, bc it was destroying me physically and mentally and causing issues all over the place

so i can officially say it’s been 11 days without purging and while that seems insignificant in the grand scheme of life, i know how important those days are. this is one aspect where my black and white thinking is helping bc once i have built up any number of days, it’s easier (👀) to say “no this is not an option anymore”

(and yes the cheesy tracker apps are actually very helpful, especially when you get to collect trophies lol)

my brain is still a mess (every time i ate my mood crashed and the guilt i felt was ridiculous) and now i have to battle the part of my brain that wants to start recovering in the ✨healthy✨ way (aka quasi recovery) and im still struggling a lot with feeling the need to compensate with movement

but i also was able to create more safe foods (not in like a “black coffee is my safe food #anarecovery❤️ type of way, but in like a “i know now i can eat peanut butter and trail mix and other previous trigger foods and don’t have to purge”)

and i was able to have moments where i knew i overate (probably bc mentally, part of me was still like “okay after eating this im not allowed to eat until x and it will only be y foods and only if i walked z amount before !!” so of course my brain/body wanted the most food it could get in that moment lol and also because i was so used to overeating bc i knew i would purge after) but even with that, i still didn’t let myself purge so now i know i can survive if i do overeat. other aspects of my recovery might be iffy, and i feel like im constantly going back and forth with a lot of it, but i want to take purging off the table forever. and that feels possible rn 🙏

so that’s where im at with that. i also hid my scale right before i left (the next step is to donate it but i don’t want to be tempted when i get it out lol) so other than getting weighed when i have ect (although that was initially for them to send to my dbt group so idk maybe not) (also ultimately i want that to be blind weights but it’s hard to give up that sense of control in seeing my weight tbh) i won’t know my weight — and that’s kind of terrifying but i was never happy when i knew it anyway so ???

in other news, i shaved my head and i think i actually need to go even shorter bc right now i feel like a chia pet 🤡 and i have been called sir 3 times since shaving it, including being told that the mens rest room was being cleaned so i couldn’t use it (the woman ended up giving me my coffee for free after that bc she felt bad lol but tbh “sir” feels much better than “ma’am” to my gender confused lil brain 👀) which is funny bc other than the hair i think i present myself pretty ~femininely lol

in other other news, i love my cat and my cat loves boxes 🥳

[anghraine]

Consolidating (...at considerable length) some of the ideas from the Denethor+Faramir vs most Silm Elves discussion:

A. The basic issue is this: Tolkien depicts or references Denethor’s and Faramir’s special Númenórean abilities (non-exhaustively listed here and discussed here) virtually every time either one of them appears. And some of these abilities seem like they would have been awfully useful to the Elves of the Silmarillion, but for some reason, weren’t actually used by them.

The most notable has to do with lies and deception. Gandalf says it is difficult to deceive Denethor and “dangerous” to try—a statement backed up by Faramir’s interactions with Gollum in TTT, when Gollum squealed in pain when he tried to lie to Faramir, and was unable to wholly prevent Faramir from seeing information “in his mind.” It is clear in the Silm, however, that a good number of Elves can be deceived without setting off similar abilities, with a few exceptions like Galadriel.

So I’ve been wondering why that is, based mostly on LOTR.

B. There is, of course, the potential meta-reason that some of these specific abilities would probably break the plot of the Silmarillion, which is packed full of Elves, while nearly full-throttle Númenóreans like Faramir and Denethor are quite rare in LOTR, only show up infrequently apart from Aragorn, and are thus much less disruptive to the narrative as a whole. But that doesn’t explain anything in-story.

Various ideas came up in the general discussion, but I think they can be roughly divided into two types:

1. Most Elves don’t use these abilities because they choose not to, or

2. Most Elves don’t use these abilities because they don’t have them.

Under #1, it’s possible that Elves prefer not to use these kinds of powers for their own Elvish reasons. It may be that many of them simply don’t care for intrusive telepathy and similar abilities. It may be that there are taboos and protocols around it that fade by the Third Age, especially the later Third Age, but are very much in effect earlier on.

But the underlying assumption here is that they could have used the same abilities if they had chosen to do so, but are not (by and large). One of the questions that arises here is if all abilities of this kind have to be deliberately ‘activated’ to work, or if they naturally just happen and will only stop if controlled or repressed. If it’s the latter case and there are actual methods of control, it may be that Denethor and Faramir never fully turn off their abilities because they don’t know how. Who was going to tell them?

The Faramir-Gollum scenes might support this. Faramir is certainly trying to extract information from Gollum, but it doesn’t seem at all probable that he would deliberately inflict pain on him. It’s possible that some of this is just part of his being as far as he knows. 

Meanwhile, there are also several possibilities involving #2. I think this one is, on the face of it, more difficult to accept (not-quite-full Númenóreans with greater powers than many Elves? bzuh?). But there are probably some ways it could work.

The first is relatively simple. It’s clear that Elves (like Númenóreans!) have different ranges and clusters of ability. An Elf being very powerful doesn’t mean they can do ALL THE THINGS. It means they’re very powerful at the things that they do (which might be many!). And there are some abilities that are very widespread, and some that seem to be less so. It may be that deception detection in particular is something that’s fairly uncommon among Elves as a strong ability. It’s not 100% assured that any given Elf has all the abilities of any given Númenórean.

The second possibility is a little more complicated. LOTR and Middle-earth generally (but esp LOTR) don’t operate on a hard magic system with clearly-defined rules. Galadriel points this out, and that the hobbits aren’t really distinguishing Elvish “magic” from Sauron’s “magic,” but they are in reality very different things. Elvish abilities are byproducts of their inner selves. Even outside of LOTR, Fëanor’s abilities (for instance) are inextricably tied up with his fiery spirit. The link between spirit or will or disposition and outwards ability is much stronger with Elves than with the other peoples of Middle-earth. 

So it would still be the case that Elves aren’t doing some of these because they can’t—but it wouldn’t be a matter of power or arbitrary talent, but because of their underlying characteristics. It may be that things like what we see Denethor and Faramir doing require a temperament that most Elves don’t have (but Galadriel does, lol). 

In that case, I would then wonder if Denethor’s and Faramir’s abilities are outgrowths of their dispositions. Their abilities seem to revolve around gathering information and commanding others; they’re described as “commanding” and they love information, so it makes sense that that’s how their abilities would manifest. Then again, it may be that Númenórean powers, though similar to some Elvish ones in outcome, operate differently.

Tolkien comes up with several ideas for where Númenórean specialness comes from in general. In some places, it was Númenor itself that changed them, and their decay in Middle-earth comes mainly from the loss of Númenor. In some places, their gifts have to do with their mode of living and thinking. In some places, it seems to be entirely hereditary; things run in particular families (like the kingly healing of Elendil’s heirs) and are reinforced by ~pure blood (um). And sometimes it seems like their gifts are, at least in part, literal gifts from the Valar which are gradually being withdrawn by the end of the Third Age. Or some combination thereof.

Regardless, the ancestors of the Dúnedain did not come by their abilities naturally. Either directly or indirectly, their size, their lifespans, their craftsmanship, their mental abilities, and more were given to them by other powers. Perhaps Elvish powers were the template for Númenórean powers, but it doesn’t work the same because Númenórean powers are ultimately coming from a divine source. That might even be why Denethor and Faramir are associated with wizards (i.e. Maiar) much more than Elves, which is pretty astonishing on the face of it. I mean:

“Ah well, sir,” said Sam, “you [Faramir] said my master had an elvish air; and that was good and true. But I can say this: you have an air too, sir, that reminds me of, of—well, Gandalf, of wizards.”

He [Denethor] turned his dark eyes on Gandalf, and now Pippin saw a likeness between the two, and he felt the strain between them, almost as if he saw a line of smouldering fire drawn from eye to eye.

???????????????????????????

The first quote is particularly interesting because it contrasts Faramir’s wizardliness with Frodo’s elvishness, as if those things are not quite the same, though Faramir is also briefly associated with Elves later on.

There’s also the issue of Elros; it seems extremely probable that most Númenóreans are descended from Elros at this point (in fact, multiple times over). The Stewards are explicitly so in multiple drafts of the Appendices. While it’s so remote that it wouldn’t make a difference in most cases, maybe part of what goes on with Númenóreans is that some of them inherit a fraction of Elros’s abilities, which ultimately derive from Elves, Edain, and a Maia. Maybe all these Númenórean-??wizardly??? types cropping up in time to fight Sauron is a sort of last hurrah for Melian’s blood among the Dúnedain, and what we see in Denethor and Faramir is the share they got. 

Or not!

Anyway, this is a lot, and it’s not like the possibilities are even mutually exclusive, so maybe two or more are all operating at once, to make things even more complicated. Or maybe something altogether different is. But I think this is everything that’s come up so far wrt the (inverted?) disparity between Númenóreans and most Elves. 

[sirikenobi12]

This Capt' goes down with her Ship

I’m honestly amazed at how many messages I receive both here and on Twitter that ask me why I ship Obi-Wan with Siri Tachi over Satine Kryze. I guess I’m mostly amazed because I can’t believe people actually care enough to take the time to message me about my character preferences, that’s just really fascinating to me. 

But, since I’m getting tired of writing this out in individual messages I thought perhaps a blog would be a good idea so that way I can just reference/link them to it later - it’ll be much easier. So, bear with me while I get a little self indulgent (and Satine stans please don’t come at me, I will explain below how I really have nothing against Obitine). 

This is going to be really long, and I’m not expecting anyone to actually read this, but here we go! 

I’ll begin by answering questions that are sitting in my inbox:

1. Who the hell is Siri Tachi?? For those who don’t know the character of Siri Tachi, she was a female Jedi who was two years younger than Obi-Wan. She was originally from the Legends young reader book series Jedi Apprentice and Jedi Quest (written by Jude Watson). She was in many of the same Padawan classes as Obi-Wan even though she was two years his junior because of her advanced skills. She could hold her own against him in a lightsaber duel even as they grew up. She was chosen as an apprentice to Jedi Council Member Adi Gallia at age 11 which was very impressive given how young she was and the fact that a Council Member chose her.

(I don’t know why she looks like Brittany Spears in this drawing, not my fave)

She did have a hard time fitting in with her peers when she was younger though because she was so focused on her career as a Jedi which didn’t always make her the friendliest person to be around (it was really her masking her insecurities) and it was only after she was paired on several missions with Obi-Wan that they even became friends. 

She and Obi-Wan over the years grew very close and eventually discovered their feelings had crossed the line from friends to something more while on a mission when they were older Padawans (Obi was 18). They had been separated from their masters and nearly died while on that mission. So, before they “died” they each confessed their love to the other, but when it turned out they didn’t actually die they decided they’d wait and figure out what their relationship actually meant once the mission was over - putting duty above their feelings. But Qui-Gon and Yoda intervene before the two of them could have the conversation and the Masters reminded Obi-Wan of his dedication to the Jedi Order. Obi-Wan argued that he and Siri would be able to find a way to be together while still being active Jedi, that maybe they could be an exception to the rule or even change the rule entirely. Both he and Siri did end up choosing their commitment to the Jedi over their relationship in the end, because each of them realized they’d regret not being Jedi more than anything, but it did put a strain on their friendship for many years. 

At 23 Siri was secretly knighted and her first solo mission was sent undercover to infiltrate and take down a huge pirate slaver operation and she spent 4 years on that mission, all on her own with limited communication with the Council.

In order to do this she had to pretend to have a falling out with her Master and “leave” the Order entirely, everyone thought she had fallen to the dark side. Obi-Wan was devastated, and he spent several months looking for her because he refused to believe she’d actually fall. It was also clear that he was heartbroken that she left, especially knowing what they had given up in order to be Jedi. Upon ending the mission she returned to the Jedi and was then often sent on other undercover missions throughout the rest of her career (including one where she and Obi-Wan had to play a royal married couple which was super cute). Her actually being a Jedi Shadow is not official and is a fanfiction creation - but, it’s one that I 100% headcanon because it just makes sense. 

Siri was very different when she returned from her long undercover mission, she had lived as a pirate for 4 years and so she was not as uptight and rule bound as she had been in her youth. She began to wear tight unisuits/flight suits instead of the traditional Jedi tunics and she had grown to be a bit more irreverent - even showing up late to Jedi Council summons.  Obi-Wan didn’t seem to mind the change and the two became a formidable pair as Knights and they were sent together (with their Padawans who hated one another) on several missions.

Obi-Wan and Siri were always written as being equals, never one more powerful than the other. They often shared flirtatious banter (nothing new for Obi-Wan) and they seemed very much in sync on missions that it was clear they shared some kind of bond. They never seemed to let their failed romance stand between them and their duty, and only brought it up once more as adults to admit that they still loved each other, but were content to just be friends because it would be selfish of them to turn their backs on the Jedi simply for their love. Then upon Siri’s untimely death (she of course died in his arms) she told him that she’d always be with him. And he nearly fell to the dark side due to his anger, but stopped himself from killing the man who was responsible for Siri’s death because he knew she’d not want him to fall because of her. 

In canon there isn’t much about her (yet), except that Siri is said to be the girl Obi-Wan would hold hands with under the table during mid-day meals which suggests that they had a bit of a secret affair/flirtation for many years.

2. Why don’t you like Satine? This is a bit of a loaded question because even though I tend to write fics centered more on Obi-Wan and Siri’s relationship doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy the character of Satine or that I don’t swoon over their relationship from time to time thanks to some very well written fics ( @mahizli​ I’m looking your way). I just tend to write Siri more than Satine because I can relate to Siri more as a character, but in truth I also feel Siri and Obi-Wan’s relationship is a bit more well rounded than his and Satine’s 

*ducks to avoid things being thrown at her*. 

Satine and Obi-Wan have a beautiful love story, don’t get me wrong. But for me personally I am a little sick of the Romeo & Juliette/star crossed lovers angle. And that’s totally what they are - She’s a Mandalorian, He’s a Jedi, it’s a forbidden love not just because of his code, but because their “families” were mortal enemies. And I guess I’m just not super inspired by it. Not to mention that they met as children (apparently only 15 years old according to canon), confessed their undying love for one another after a year of knowing one another in a life or death situation and then pined for each other for the next 20 years until they were reunited...I just have a very hard time finding this story relatable (and hate to say it, plausible). Not that they couldn’t have felt love for one another as teenagers (especially in that situation), but that they still felt that same level of love 20 years later without ever seeing one another...at least with Siri they still had to interact with one another on a regular basis so it would be harder to push those feelings aside. 

The other reason I have a hard time writing Satine and Obi-Wan is because the romantic love they seem to have in TCW is written to be very one sided in my opinion. While Obi-Wan clearly cares for her, and admits to having feelings for her at one time it’s only ever Satine who actually seems to want something with him in the current sense. Which honestly makes their relationship feels a bit cringy to me, it doesn’t feel like it’s on equal footing - and makes it seem like Satine is a bit obsessive (I don’t blame her, it is Obi-Wan after all). This is a similar argument I have about Padme’s character, I feel like we’re presented with these incredibly strong women characters who for whatever reason still fall apart when it comes to love...I think it’s a reflection of men trying to write women and it ends up being a bit of a fantasy (the sexy/badass woman who secretly needs a man to save her). So, to sum up - I really do  love Satine’s character outside of her relationship with Obi-Wan. 

Again, this is just MY interpretation of Satine and Obi-Wan’s relationship...I get other people tend to feel very differently and that’s wonderful!! 

I will say, the thing I do like about Obi-Wan and Satine’s relationship and very much appreciate is how it is an opposite parallel to Anakin and Padme’s relationship. And it shows what a Jedi should’ve done - how you can’t have both a commitment to the Jedi Order and a marriage, but you can still care deeply about another person. I do very much appreciate that aspect of their relationship and it’s very well done from that perspective.

3. So, why SiriWan after all these years? Well, I’m drawn to Obi-Wan and Siri’s relationship for several reasons, but mostly because they are written as equals/partners (as I had mentioned above), both have moments where you can see the love they hold for one another - their feelings are very much shared and not one sided, but above all it’s not the main defining factor of their relationship. They are Jedi and friends before anything else, and I love that! It may not be as flashy or maybe even as passionate as say Satine or Cody but to me it’s more full and well rounded. I can also see their relationship growing and changing over the years, they aren’t stuck in one place or in the past.  

I also tend to find the Jedi culture more fascinating than the Mandalorians. I know, I know, I’m a heretic. That’s not to say, again that I don’t think Satine on her own isn’t fascinating, I just am a little tired of Mandalore’s importance in virtually every aspect of Star Wars these days and I feel like there is only so much you can do with Obi-Wan having feelings for a Mandalorian, where as him navigating a relationship with another Jedi is more interesting. The Jedi are allowed to be intimate with people, contrary to popular belief they are allowed to love, they just can’t become possessive/attached - I feel like two Jedi would have an easier time navigating that than someone who wasn’t raised with that same code. I think Siri and Obi-Wan have more opportunities to have a more realistic and adult relationship and I like writing/exploring that. 

The other thing I like about Siri and Obi-Wan specifically is the fact that neither ever really considered leaving the Order for the other. They knew how important being a Jedi was to the other, and I think having a love interest that Obi-Wan didn’t consider leaving for is an important distinction. 

Instead he thought they would be able to change the rules/code because he assumed it would be obvious that their love was pure and not an attachment. Now, obviously they both realized later that it was just foolish/young love talking (because I’m sure teenagers have to be extra careful of forming attachments), but what I really adore the concept that Obi-Wan “by the code” Kenobi had loved Siri so much that he’d even remotely consider the idea that he’d want the rules to change for her/them (and Siri “by the code” Tachi felt the same about him). There is something incredibly romantic about that - naïve, but romantic. 

I also believe that romantic love doesn’t automatically equal “true love”. I personally feel that Obi-Wan and Siri have a love that is on such a deep level that their relationship doesn’t always have to be romantic. They simply just love one another, in whatever form that takes at any given period in time throughout their lives, sometimes it takes the form of just friends, sometimes lovers, sometimes romantic. And I wish we saw more relationships like that in various media. But I get why we don’t, they are harder to write and less overtly sexy/dramatic.

Also, when someone says the phrase:

“Forgive me if I still think I know you better than anyone.” (Siri)

And it’s followed immediately with:

“You do”  (Obi-Wan)

My heart just melts, because that to me is love!!

4. So, you actually think Obi-Wan loved both Siri & Satine? Yes, I do...100%. I think they all loved other people at different points in their lives. I personally feel that most of Obi-Wan’s various ships (with exceptions of Master/Padawan ships...sorry, just not my bag) actually happened. I could see a young Obi-Wan having a fling with Quinlan Vos (I doubt they could handle more than that), I could definitely see him have an attraction/affection towards Cody (I don’t think given the power dynamic Obi-Wan would ever allow anything to actually happen between them though), I even believe he and Ventress had a rather confusing and passionate night together (maybe even more than one), I can see him easily having a relationship at one point with Taria Damsin (to which Siri would give him endless crap about because he seems to have a thing for Jedi Shadows). I’m sure he even had a relationship with Annileen on Tatooine to help find some comfort during his exile. To me all of that makes so much more sense than him (and Satine) pining away for one another for 20+ years. 

Allowing Obi-Wan to have multiple loves in his life also helps showcase the idea of non-attachment. It’s not that Jedi promote promiscuity - though they won’t judge anyone for it (I see the Jedi very much in the mindset of: it’s your body/your choice) it’s that the idea of attachment means possessing someone, thinking you own someone and also putting that person’s value over others. The idea that Obi-Wan could find love and value in a multitude of lovers to me shows him capable of loving without attachment - He is able to let these people go when the relationship has run its course...it’s very healthy. 

Not to mention that realistically people tend to have multiple relationships and loves throughout their lives. To only ever love one person is incredibly unrealistic, unhealthy and frankly screams attachment to me *cough Anakin, cough*.

In conclusion: If you’re still reading this (did you not have anything better to do with your time???) I do hope you have a bit more of an understanding why I personally like to write Obi-Wan and Siri’s relationship instead of his and Satine’s. Though if you read my fics (thank you if you do) I hope you realize that I try to not make the stories all about their relationship - yes, it pops up here and there, but I try not to make it the focal point. I believe both Obi-Wan and Siri are so much more than just a romance and that’s what I really love writing. 

But I raise a glass and toast all of those who prefer to ship Obitine or CodyWan or Ventrobi (or whatever Obi-Wan and Quilan’s ship name is) - I love reading your take on those relationships and I hope you don’t mind if an old SiriWan shipper joins the fun!

Phew, rant over...man, does anyone else have to defend their OTP preferences to strangers?? It’s just so odd to me! 

Thanks for reading, and if you’re a Siri, Obi-Wan or SiriWan fan drop me a line - I can seriously talk about them for hours! 

[jmflowers]

How did you ever get so lucky? Ha. Was it on a whim? I’m unsure what the process is? Or a callback like actors?

I’m assuming this is about the production assistant role on a set, so!

Luck is a bit of it, yeah, but also hard work.

The process for me has been through education - I enrolled in a hands-on college program that teaches all of the ins-and-outs of film and television production. Classes involve everything from script development and production planning to lighting, camera, set safety, audio, and then all of the post-production of editing, audio, colour grading, etc. The more you know (and the more well-rounded you are), the more of an asset you are in this industry - it’s one thing to write a script, but if you don’t know what a camera is capable of or what a set crew can create in filming, your story isn’t likely to get picked up for production. Also, everyone wants to make the biggest, most successful production for the least amount of money, so… being able to do multiple things is a benefit for most budgets.

In my education setting, because it’s a hands-on (unlike the theory style education of university), everyone I’m learning from is either still working in the industry or recently retired. That means every single one of my professors has connections. And they want their students to succeed, usually. By doing well in their classes (I have maintained a 4.0 GPA for the entirety of my studies), I have been able to gain references and people who are willing to offer me opportunities to continue to grow my own resume. This job is one of those opportunities.

And added bonus of being a student, at least for productions, is that most programs require “hours” for graduation. Which usually translates to being free labour on a set in exchange for learning experience. In my program, I need 100 hours of time on productions in order to graduate. For some programs, that number is crazy high (a classmate from Colombia took 8 months of constant production work to finish the required hours for a program there). There are a very small handful of productions that will pay you for a job like this, but then you are definitely working - as a free PA you’re not actually expected to do any work, simply learn (at least by the laws where I live). For this job, I was a free PA and so far I have worked 30 hours between 2 days with 1 more day to go.

How did I land this role? I spoke to my screenwriting professor to see if he knew of any writing-related PA positions, since that’s the area of the industry I would really like to get into. But, that’s not a thing that comes up very often, especially under the current COVID restrictions on set (and even if you think COVID is over, sets are still functioning with a lot of precautions all over the world). From there, we also discussed my interest in camera and how I’d like to shadow both areas of the industry to see what I find most exciting and fulfilling (don’t get into this industry if you’re not passionate about it - you will burn out so fast with the hours and shitty work/life balance). What if I love writing until it’s my job? By knowing these things about me, he was able to listen on his wavelengths to see if an opportunity would arise that matched my needs. And sure enough! Some guys he’s written with in the past were building a pitch deck and got the clear from a production company to create a demo reel of three scenes to add to their pitch for networks. My professor gave me the information on who to email and let me know that they were looking for a PA who could also drive.

This is where it became work for me again. I emailed the Production Manager for the shoot, who also happens to co-run a production company. I let her know I was interested and available. Persistence landed me a virtual interview, where I told her a bit about my experience (nothing in film, tbh, but a lot of manual labour) and got my media resume into her hands. Anytime she asked me if I was comfortable or willing to do something, like driving a cube van or doing equipment pick-ups, I said yes. Which got me on board, because no one wants to do that grunt work. (Don’t tell people you can do things that you can’t do, though - safety is a big deal on set. I’ve done a lot of driving for other jobs in my lifetime.)

From there, likability and professionalism gained me trust. They needed to know I wasn’t going to fuck around when they were needing me to put a $150K camera set up onto the truck I was driving. That was my first day of work: picking up everything they needed to be present on set.

On my second day, they were shooting. I made sure to be one of the first people on location, since I had the truck with all the equipment, and I was the last one out at the end of the day. I spoke to a bunch of people on set and asked questions and figured out which department I wanted to focus my attention on, since I had the opportunity to do exactly that without causing trouble. Camera Team was really receptive to teaching me, so I just followed them around asking questions wherever possible and verifying my own knowledge from school. Reading out the monitor info to the 2nd AC suddenly became her putting the camera on my shoulder during a break so I could see how heavy it is. Then she showed me the slate and the log book and that transformed into me getting to slate a couple of takes. A lot of my day continued like that - asking as many questions as wasn’t annoying and then recognizing what was coming next or was going to be asked for before anyone asked. By the end of it, I was helping with lens transfers. Being keen like that resulted in both the 1st and 2nd AC telling the Production Manager that I was a great camera PA, both of them gave me their contact information, and the 2nd AC offered herself as a reference if I ever need. Which is mindblowing to me!!!!

But that’s what a lot of the industry is - connection. A lot of teams like to work with each other over and over again and will bring their favourites into productions. Just look at Mike Flanagan: what he does with casting the same actors and using the same crew is totally common and happens in everything from Art Department to Production to Post-Production. (The set decorator from yesterdays shoot had been working on Handmaids Tale and lost her job when a new Art Department was hired and brought in their favourite people to build a team.)

So, luck, hard work, and fostering connection. I’m really hopeful that this production company will call me again in the future for more jobs. I’m hopeful that this project will get picked up by a network so that they may create the show and actually hire me on (as well as everyone else who were making flat rate and doing this as a favour). And I’m hopeful that everyone I’ve met will remember my name and my work ethic so that I may be considered for future projects they are involved with.

I hope that answers your questions? There are no auditions for crew roles - we are not actors or artists as much as technicians. Knowing the safety and the protocols is one of the most important things for any film or television production. But knowing people is the fastest way to get anywhere in the industry.

Best of luck, anon!