#also this was originally going to be a depiction of a really cool scene but i admittedly did not have the time

[wrathdraco]

Art Fight attack for @justagoos, featuring Ylva!

An absolute delight to draw such a cool character! Goose got me first with a pretty artwork of Kaodha on the first day of Art Fight and knocked me right out. I had to take revenge.

[httyd-art-requests]

So the teaser for the live action How To Train Your Dragon film has dropped. Have you seen it? Any thoughts on it?

I just saw it, and BOY do I have some thoughts about it lmao

Live action remakes already annoy me for several reasons, and as much as I want to be excited for "new" HTTYD media, it really misses the mark for me

The movie doesn't look original to me. It's so obviously a remake of something else that it loses any personality it could otherwise have. If the original HTTYD movie had been a live action movie from the start, it would have looked nothing like this, because the creators would have tried to create something that stood out from other movies. This one just feels like a checklist being completed in front of me: "right so we'll have this scene, and then we'll have this scene, and the dragon does this, and the boy does this, and then this is the part the fans like so we're going to recreate it 1:1", but no real understanding of what made the original as beloved as it is.

This trailer just looks soulless to me, but I'm holding out hope that the other trailers will show us more and hopefully prove me wrong

Toothless's design is... fine I guess? They made his hind legs digitegrade for some reason, which just looks very jarring to me. Idk why they felt the need to change it, it's one of the details that made his design feel unique to me. Like dragons' legs are almost always depicted as dinosaur-like and digitegrade, and HTTYD having dragons that have plantigrade legs feels really cool. The wings are comically oversized and he lost a lot of his personality based on the scene recreations shown in the trailer (like the silly People Sit he does in the original, now he just sits like a dog lmao) but it really, really could have been worse.

I slowed it down to catch some of the other dragon species' designs and eeeeeehhhh... They're recognizable, I'll say that. They also lost a lot of the personality that the original models had, they look a lot more uniform in their proportions. I really don't see why making them look "realistic" has to mean that they look more boring, when we have so many animals irl that look fake and made up because of how absurd they look. They could have had more fun with it is what I'm saying

Casting Gerard Butler as Stoick feels like the only actually good decision, his voice as Stoick just can't be recreated. Hiccup's actor is... also fine I guess, no strong feelings whatsoever.

The thing that bothers me the most is the lighting. The original HTTYD movie paid special attention to making the lighting look as realistic and believable as possible. It's atmospheric and helps you get sucked into the world while you watch. "Subdued" is probably a good word to describe it. It very intentionally doesn't go overboard. The lighting in the trailer looks fake as hell. They could be using real actual lighting conditions on set and I still wouldn't believe it's real.

Overall, I have mixed feelings despite all the negative things I just listed. I'm sharing in the excitement of all the people who want to watch it, but I'm still disappointed that it, like, exists at all. No matter what this movie ends up looking like, I'm always going to prefer the original animated movies. I'm open to being proved wrong though, I really hope this movie is going to be better than anything we're imagining rn

[kalinara]

So one thing I really love about the Original Five in the future issues is how so many artists have such wildly different takes on Scott Summers's design, but each one works incredibly well for their respective contexts.

Take this one, from All-New X-Men #1:

This is the first look at Baby Scott that we get. Immonen's Scott here looks a lot like the Scott we see in the original issue that this is referencing:

I included the third panel because the resemblance is the most striking there. All cheekbones and suit that's just a little too big. A very young man trying to fill a big role and doing it about as well as anyone can.

I'm going to put the rest of these behind the cut, because this is a very image heavy post.

Anyway, as soon as we get to the past, the depiction of Scott changes sharply.

Six issues and one day later (All-New X-Men #007), Scott looks profoundly different:

He looks younger, softer, and that furrow in his brow is not going to be going away any time soon. Understandable. This poor kid has been through the wringer and life is not done with him yet.

Dauterman's Cyclops in...Cyclops #2 is pretty consistent with this portrayal:

He looks young, adolescent. A bit softer in the face. Perpetual furrow is still there. Well, not actually in this particular shot, but trust me, there's lots of furrowing in this series.

See? (Cyclops #03) Corsair can really bring out the furrow in a kid.

Actually, I hate to say it, but Corsair actually seems to have done this kid some good. The Cyclops that we see in the SECOND run of All-New X-Men actually seems almost confident again.

Bagley's Scott still got his issues, but aside from the scrawniness, he looks damn near adult. But also mostly content. This road trip that the team is on, away from the adults and the pressure, seems to be good for him.

Even injured, he seems to be doing pretty well (from All-New X-Men #12):

This is notable to me, because this issue came out in August 2016. Fast forward to late 2016 (specifically Champions #3), and we get:

Ramos's Scott is completely recognizable of course, but he is, very clearly, a CHILD, in a way that none of the previous versions really get to be.

And it works. It makes perfect sense. Because this is the first time since the plane crash where Scott has been able to actually be a CHILD. He's not leading the group, he doesn't have to set an example. He can just play too. He can, as he tells Ms. Marvel much later, actually relax.

But all sweet things must come to an end, and the Scott in X-Men Blue #01 is back to form:

Jean's actually leading the team, which is nice. And there's some very nice banter. But Molina's Scott is very much back to proto-adult here. (And while Jean is leading and starts the scene in front, Scott's positioning makes complete sense when the next page reveals who they're actually reporting to - Magneto).

I'm not really an art person. Generally I pay a lot more attention to things like plot, dialogue, and character development than I do the art styles. It's how I got through the 90s. But this has been a neat thing to go back and notice. Each depiction is excellent. Each one is immediately recognizable. But each one says something a little different and fits the story in its own specific way. And that's really cool!

[calliemity]

Orin Scrivello's Lost Head Prop: A Masterpost

Written and researched by Calliope Avery

Content Warning: Very very mild and low quality special effects gore, implied violence, uncanny valley stuff(?), Orin Scrivello's face.

Little Shop of Horrors (1986) has an unfortunate reputation of leaving a lot of really cool things on the cutting room floor. The most infamous would be the movie's original ending, a beautiful and impressive sequence of puppetry that ended up completely scrapped. However, today we're talking about a prop that never made it into the final movie in any form:

Orin Scrivello's Decapitated Head!!!

Pictured above are the only 2 photos of the prop in its original state that I can find at the moment. The left photo was taken for promotion and advertising purposes, and the right image is actually a Topps trading card! (Which I have a physical copy of, hehe!)

To put it bluntly, I am slightly (very) obsessed with this prop head. There's so much mystery around it, and everything I've managed to dig up both fascinates me and makes me very upset. So much thought and hard creative work was put into the creation of this thing, and it was left completely left out and forgotten! I desperately want more people to be aware of this, so here is my big and (hopefully) well organized masterpost on everything for your learning pleasure. Alright, let's talk about some heads!!!!!!!!!

Forming a Timeline

The earliest mention of the head can be found in an early draft of the movie script, dated February 14th, 1985. There's plenty of concepts in this script that never seemed to get past this draft, but the severed head concept was not one of them. Here, take a look!

source

This section, found on page 66 of the script, not only established the existence of the head, but also establishes the facial expression it will later take on! Clearly, this concept was good enough to be held onto once actual production started, which is good for us! If it wasn't, then this post would be a lot shorter.

Early production of the prop began after the actors were cast, as face molds of Steve Martin were created as bases for the head.

source for the left image - source for the right image

Oooo, check these guys out!!! The left one is made of plaster, and the right one is made of rubber. The website sourcing these images included a quote from Steve Martin about the casting process. Here's the full provided quote:

"These molds were taken of my head for Little Shop of Horrors. It was cast on the lot at Pinewood Studios outside of London, and I got exceedingly claustrophobic during the casting. My entire head was covered with plaster and two straws were placed in my nose for breathing. Argh." - Steve Martin

I unfortunately don't have much information about the crafting process of the prop. I'm currently trying to track down anyone who could've worked on it, but the few people I've managed to contact haven't responded to me yet. So I can't say anything concrete about who worked on it and what went into creating it. The only thing I can assume somewhat confidently is that the creation of the prop happened around the same time as filming for Orin's scenes. It would allow them to make the face molds and also match up Martin's post-mortem Orin face with the facial expression of the prop.

Here's where it starts going downhill. From what I've found, the prop was never filmed with its face toward the camera. In the workprint that I accessed from the Internet Archive, the prop appears for 2 shots, and both of them only show the back of the head. Take a look:

source - timestamp: 1:02:59

[Video description: a low quality, slightly green tinted video depicting a deleted scene from Little Shop of Horrors (1986) where Seymour is feeding the decapitated head of the dentist, Orin Scrivello, to the plant. The video starts with a man in glasses reaching into a garbage can and pulling out a dark-haired decapitated head, holding it upside-down by the fabric on its neck. The head is faced away from the camera, so only the back of its hair is visible. There are vines flailing in the foreground of the shot. The video cuts to a shot of the plant puppet laughing silently. The video cuts again to a shot of the man slowly shuffling forward while dangling the head in front and away from himself. The plant is seen on the left side, still laughing and flailing its vines. Throughout the video, there are brief flashes of light that resemble lightning. The video's audio only consists of thunder noises and an unidentifiable sound that resembles chewing noises. End ID.]

My best guess for this choice is maybe it isn't as convincing when filmed? In the photos it looks really well made and realistic, but perhaps it didn't come across that way during shots. Regardless, the head was still in the film at this point, so that counts for something!

But as you and I both know, those 2 shots were left on the cutting room floor, completely removed from the final product. The prop was left completely unused and unspoken of... except for one instance.

Remember the trading card I mentioned at the beginning? It's a part of a full set of trading cards that were made and distributed by the brand Topps. Back when the movie first came out, you could buy a pack of 5 mystery Little Shop of Horrors themed trading cards, along with a stick of bubblegum. This 44-card set is notable for featuring a lot, and I mean a LOT of images from cut movie scenes. There's photos of the original ending, there's photos from the cut sequence The Meek Shall Inhereit, and of course there's also the card featuring the prop head! However, those 2 sequences would later be rediscovered, cleaned up, and then added into the Director's Cut rerelease of the movie. The prop head wouldn't get this treatment, staying obscured, unknown, and unmentioned.

Fast forward about 30 years. A certain unused movie prop would be offered in an auction, allowing us to not only see high-quality photos of said prop in its current state, but also to allow us to know the exact materials it was made of! Without further ado, I present Orin Scrivello's decapitated head, circa 2018:

source

This absolute freak of a guy was up for auction at the "Profiles in History: Icons and Legends of Hollywood" auction on June 5th, 2018. No one ended up buying it (I would. I need to buy it actually. Please sell it to me.), but the auction gives us some absolutely divine information about the prop, such as what it's made of and its dimensions! Here's a quote from the auction website describing its materials:

"Vintage original hollow cast resin character head painted in realistic flesh tones with brown eyebrows and eyes. The 13 x 8 x 9 in. head has been polyfoam filled for stability. Exhibiting cracks to the crown, which is brittle and with other wear and age. A striking likeness of Steve Martin. In vintage good condition."

How neat! The high-resolution images allow us to see the detailed sculpting of the prop, which is still evident and impressive with its age and missing parts! The creases on the forehead, and around the mouth and eyes, the realistically colored teeth, this was clearly sculpted with a lot of attention to detail. I would've loved to have an image like this back in the prop's prime, back when it still had hair and a fresh coat of paint.

Why was it Scrapped?

This is entirely just me theorizing, but I have a feeling it's for the same reason the original ending got snubbed.

If you take the time to watch the archived workprint, you'll find a lot of cuts and changes were made that changed the tone of the whole finished project. Orin's death and dismemberment scenes got edited down a lot. Shots of him struggling and knocking things down as he falls to the ground got cut, the voiceline where he begs Seymour for help is gone. The shot where Orin's legs jolt when Seymour brings down the axe is gone too.

It's not just Orin-related scenes either! Mushnik no longer cries out for Seymour when being killed and eaten, and that's ignoring how different the scene happens in the stage musical. And obviously, the entire ending got changed so that Audrey and Seymour survive, leading to the cut of the magnificent ending sequence where all the Audrey II's destroy New York. In a way, the film got murdered and gutted of any of its real horror, with attempts to cover up any of the blood they couldn't scrub out.

In the movie's later quest to rebrand as a softer version of itself, it only makes sense that 2 shots of a decapitated head wouldn't make it. The appearance of the dismembered leg made it through, probably because it's less gruesome, but a head is... different. I obviously think it should've been kept it in, along with almost everything they trimmed from the workprint, but alas.

Tldr, they cut the head off of the movie because it wasn't funny enough.

Conclusion

This is where the information I have ends, unfortunately. I do have more research routes I would like to take, but one of them involves desperately contacting random people who I suspect could've been involved (I've tried this, I've gotten no responses from those who I've managed to find an email for), and the other route involves taking a road trip to the actual goddamn Library of Congress, which is not something I can do right now or even in the near future. So this is probably as far as I'm getting!

However! If I find anything new, this post will be updated and/or remade again, depending on how big or little the info is. For now, I think this is good enough to share, and maybe letting people know will encourage others to research this prop as well! It'll probably be easier if it's not just me, y'know.

I'll finish by saying that I think research and preservation of art like this is very important. While it's common for cool artistic things to end up cut from movies, I think preserving that those cool things existed in the first place is something worth doing. Even though this prop head was a very small part of the movie, it's clear a lot went into creating it! I feel bad that I'm not able to credit any person or people for their work, but I hope getting the word out about it will do some justice.

If you've read this whole thing, thank you so much! I appreciate your interest and I thank you for taking the time to read all this. I hope you found it as interesting and fascinating as I do!

Oh, by the way, if this post looks familiar at all, you've probably seen the original version of this post I made awhile ago. I wasn't happy with the formatting of that post, and I ended up making too many discoveries to just continue updating it. I'll keep the original up to preserve it, but reblogs will be off for it, as I want this version to be the one to go around. Thanks!

[five-bi-five-mind]

Maya and reader were together for 2 and a half years before Maya lost her job as captain of station 19, and reader broke up with her due to Maya's distance and behaviour toward the team and reader. reader than transfers to another firehouse, Maya goes through therapy and turns down the captain position and fights to get reader back.

I Wish I Was the Moon

Fandom: Station 19

Pairing: Maya Bishop x fem!reader

Words: 9.7k+

Genre: Angst, Hurt & Comfort, Smut

Summary: Maya hit rock bottom and along the way she lost the most important thing to her. It wasn't captain, she realized that quickly into her downward spiral. No, it was you. She had to do something to fix this, but she knew it started with herself. Would Maya be able to fix herself in time to win you back? Would you ever be willing to give her just one more chance?

Warnings: Alcohol mention; toxic relationship-ish depiction; mental health and therapy is a big theme; fingering (r!receiving); top!Maya, bottom!r; nipple play; marking.

A/N: Okay, this isn't exactly the same as the prompt so bear with me... but it's really close. Also did I put my own twist on an existing scene? Yes, yes I did. Also, the fic is named after the song with the same name that gave me inspiration. It's by Ewan J Phillips. Maybe listen while you read!

Maya was doing better. She really was. It was the first time she could say that in months, maybe even years. She was working on herself, she was putting in the effort. 

Therapy had a lot to do with this. From regular sessions came the ability to regulate her emotions when things felt too intense. It helped her process trauma, not just the trauma she experienced as an adult either, but childhood trauma too. It shocked her, how healing it could be to process everything. It was hard to really fully come to terms with all of it. Memories that she had hurt, but she didn’t have a word for why. Now it felt less painful since she finally understood herself and what had happened throughout her life. 

Of course, therapy itself was something she was originally reluctant to do. It was something she was too headstrong to think she needed it, until she finally tried. She didn’t try for her though. No, if she was being honest, what got her to first make an appointment and then— after three cancellations —to finally show up, was you. 

When you left, Maya told herself she didn’t need anyone, didn’t need you. That quickly became obvious to her that she was seriously lying to herself. You left because she pushed you away when she lost her position as captain. She became irritable when you asked for her to be more open. This irritability led to fights and fights led you to distance yourself from her eventually too. Then, after one night of fighting back and forth, you left to cool off. When you came back in, Maya rounded on you without skipping a beat. That was the last straw for you. 

Maya still winced at the thought of the words that left her mouth that night. Accusing you of cheating, that the space you were taking was just to fuck someone new. She had thrown in your face that you two weren’t fucking, so it only made logical sense that you were out finding someone else. Of course, the words Maya used were more colorful.

She could still see the hurt in your eyes when she said them. She still remembered the way you didn’t yell back, instead you just stood utterly silent. The next thing she knew, you were packing up your things and officially moved out of her apartment. 

The weeks to come, Maya didn’t run after you. She didn’t try to call or talk or anything. Maya had foolishly convinced herself that you needed her more than she needed you; that you’d be back. She wasn’t going to call first. You had to. But you didn’t and it made Maya spiral even more. Things got worse for her. At work it was a constant reminder of her loss of captain. At  home, her apartment reminded her too much of her loss of you. So, she went out to bars in the evenings often. A little too often. 

That drinking led to bad decisions. One particular night was definitely her rock bottom. She had decided to call you. Drunk off her ass and angry she was stumbling into a dark apartment without you had her thinking irrationally. Her hands moved before her mind really comprehend what she was doing. Maya saw your name on the screen and immediately hit call. 

“You just gave up,” she slurred into the phone the minute she heard your tired, confused greeting from the other line. “How could you just give up?”

“M… Maya?” Your voice sounded exhausted. Somewhere in Maya’s drunken brain she knew she shouldn’t be calling you at 2AM, but at that moment she didn’t care. 

“You left and now I come home to nothing,” Maya pressed. “I lost… I lost my dreams and then— then you left me. You gave up on us. What was it? Because you’re ashamed I got demoted?”

“Maya, I did not give up on us.” Your voice sounded clearer now and Maya’s mouth snapped shut at the frustration she heard on the other end of the line. “You pushed me away. You forced me to leave.” 

“That- I-“ Maya was at a loss for words. The way you sounded, it wasn’t broken like Maya had thought, it wasn’t sad. It was angry. In those few words, drunk or not, Maya knew you were absolutely right. 

A sigh came from the other end and Maya turned her attention to her phone again. “Look, Maya, are you okay? Are you home?” You didn’t have to be there to know she was very much not sober. She might have made the last few months with her hell, but you still cared. You couldn’t just easily erase the history you had with her or turn off your feelings. 

“I’m… yes, I’m home.” Maya couldn’t think of anything else to say. Her hand dropped and her phone slid from her palm onto the couch. Her thumb tapped the screen to hang up and then she just sat there. Her mind spun from your words and from the alcohol. Even in her inebriated state, she knew from your tone of voice, just how hurt you were by her. 

The day after was no easier. She had curled up on the couch that night, not bothering to change or move before she passed out. There was a small hope in her drunken mind that she would forget those devastating words you said, but of course she didn’t. They replayed in her mind from the moment she woke up and nursed her hangover to the minute she went to bed. 

It was after that night that she decided to fix herself. You never called to follow up. Your silence was something that Maya knew she deserved, but still wished was otherwise. So, Maya became determined. She would fix this, but it started with her. No more drunken calls, no more lashing out. The next time she saw you, she’d prove she was a better version of herself, one that deserved your love again. 

Logically, Maya realized this transformation wouldn’t happen over night. There were times where she wanted to be impatient and reach out. Her therapist worked with her on this though, advising her to wait until she was sure she was ready. Therapy helped her be honest with herself, and so many times she wanted to see you, but she knew she wasn’t ready.

Until she finally was. She had discussed this in detail with her therapist. There was a plan being made, one she was eager to implement. Months had gone by, so this wouldn’t be easy. But Maya had a newfound passion and knew that this new outlook, this better version of Maya, wasn’t complete until she had her love back in her arms. 

So, she planned to show up at your door. Flowers in hand, ready to beg on her knees for you to hear her out for even just one minute. She knew she didn’t deserve that for what she put you through, but she was willing to try. She had to try. From the moment she met you, she felt like you and her were meant to be. When she finally was to enact her plan, it had to go well. But things really never are that simple. 

Running into you totally disarmed her. You looked vibrant. The last time she saw you, like really saw you, you were just so… broken. She knew, deep down, that she did that to you. But now… Now you’re glowing, you’re thriving and it made her disgusted with herself. All these negative feelings that she had worked through for months suddenly bubbled to the surface the minute her eyes landed on your face. 

There you were, on the other side of the cafe Maya had stopped at, smiling at someone she didn’t recognize. How much time really has passed? Maya knew it had been months, but she was trying not to dwell and count. Apparently enough time had passed for you to move on. At least that’s what it looked like. Obviously, you would move on from her. Maya knew, realistically, you had every right to move on, but she hoped you’d wait for her to right her wrongs. God how she hoped. 

But clearly, you didn’t. Maya treated you like shit so you left. It made sense. You gave her chance after chance after chance, of course there would be a breaking point. Of course, there would be a process that Maya didn’t see where you would pick yourself up from the wreckage she left you in and find someone else who would give you all the things Maya promised. The reality of it was that Maya failed to follow through on every single thing she said to you. Well, all but one. She told you she would never stop loving you. This promise happened once on a night when she held you tight and was scared you’d slip through her fingers. She remembered the ways your breath hitched and your eyes shone as she looked down at your face in the moonlight and made that promise. 

She remembered that promise so vividly. When the storm was coming down hard and you both listened with the window open, wrapped in each other’s arms. The setting was quiet, calming even despite the thunder booming outside. The feeling of you wrapped in her arms warmed her heart and she had never felt more complete than in that moment, so she said, “There’s never been someone I loved more completely than you.” You looked up at her with wide eyes filled with the most hopeful emotions. Then she followed “And I promise, that won’t ever change.” And it didn’t. Even if you didn’t look at her the same way, or at all now, she still loved you with her entire heart. Despite all the ugliness of your last few months together, it still was the truest feeling she’s ever had. Each night she laid down in an empty bed she ached for not just another body next to her, because that wouldn’t suffice. No, she ached for you and you alone. 

When Maya saw you, you didn’t see her. She had decided she needed to get out of there as fast as possible. After her order had come out, she snatched her coffee as fast as she possibly could. Her head stayed turned from you as she made her way past your table and to the exit. Of course, she was trying so hard to avoid your gaze that she didn’t pay attention to where she was going.

She fully bumped into another random man, her coffee falling to the floor and spilling all over the place. Apology after apology flew from her lips as she still tried to keep her head down and clean up her mess. When she popped back up with a handful of coffee soaked napkins though, that’s when her eyes met yours.

You were shocked, staring back at her with eyes wide. “Maya?” Your voice was full of surprise and not resentment, which relieved Maya for a second. But then your eyes flicked to the confused person next to you and Maya’s eyes followed before landing back on your face.

The look you gave her next killed her. It was a look of guilt and pity. One that crushed Maya’s heart into a million pieces. So, she fled. 

If you had followed her, Maya didn’t notice. She walked with as much speed as she could without breaking into a full blown sprint. Her eyes stung, but she refused to cry. 

This whole encounter threw off everything for her. She had to rethink everything she planned. Was it still possible to win you back? Was it too late? Should she even try?

Those were all the questions she flung at her therapist the moment she sat down for her next session. What she was reminded of was that she had no answers for what was going on and who she saw with you. Therefore, she had no answers for the previous questions she posed. 

The new plan was still to reach out, but be more casual about it. Ask for coffee and discuss all the ways you may have changed and how Maya had been doing. Focus on you first and then perhaps Maya can move onto her proposal to restart. This plan positioned herself so that she could learn who that person was and what the situation might be before putting her heart right on the line. 

She wasn’t ready for all of that just yet though. There was a greater potential for rejection now. Maya told herself she was too scared to know the truth so she would wait a bit longer. Even if waiting was knowing she could possibly be pushing you closer to this mysterious person, she just couldn’t muster up the courage. But, much like the coffee shop incident, life had other plans. 

In the months you two had been apart, Maya hadn’t run into you at all. Now, suddenly, she bumps into you two weeks in a row before she was really ready to. It was like some kind of cosmic cruel joke. 

Again, when she saw you, she felt utterly disarmed. She was just trying to enjoy a nice run when she ran straight up to you. Not intentionally, of course, she was off in her own little world. Her mind was wrapped up in you, so to hear your voice say her name as she passed had her utterly freeze in shock.

“Hi…” Maya said hesitantly as she turned to see your face staring back at her. This time, thankfully, you appeared to be alone.

“Hi.” Your voice had just as much hesitation as hers. “How… um, how are you?”

“Good,” Maya nodded, trying to catch her breath and calm her heart rate. She didn’t think it was the run that was elevating it. “Yeah, I’m good.” And it was true to an extent, even if she was internally panicking.

She hadn’t thought it would go this awkward. Maybe it was naive, but she assumed everything would just… click when she was one-on-one with you again. But instead, you were anxious and she was tense. 

Maya took a deep breath, remembering the exercises given to her in her sessions. It helped ground her and get her bearings. “How are you?” Maya finally managed to ask after a long, awkward pause. 

“I’m okay.” If there was one thing Maya knew, it was how to read your eyes. Your tone sounded fine, but that answer didn’t reach your eyes. In fact, as Maya looked on at your face, she thought you looked tired. Maybe even quite a bit sad. She wondered if she read you wrong at the coffee shop. If maybe you weren’t as happy as you seemed. Did your smile reach your eyes that day? Maya was too taken aback by suddenly seeing you that she didn’t pay much attention then. 

“Yeah?” Maya questioned. 

You nodded and for a moment that awkward pause was back. “Maya, about the other day…” you finally broke the silence.

“You don’t need to explain.”

“Yeah, but— I don’t know, I feel like I should.” Your voice got quieter as you spoke and Maya shook her head. She offered you a sad smile and more guilt washed over you. 

“You don’t owe me an explanation.” Maya honestly hoped you wouldn’t give one. Not yet, she still wasn’t ready to hear it yet. “It’s okay really.”

But then, as you both stood, shuffling awkwardly and trying to find the right words, or any words for that matter, Maya felt the nagging curiosity bubble up in her. Maybe if she did ask, it would be better now than later. She could rip off the bandaid. She didn’t want details, but she just wanted to know. It could determine if there was hope. If she had a reason to hold on to it; to you. So, she asked the scariest, but most simple question to end this internal debate that she could think of.

“Is it serious?” Maya tried to play it off as a casual question, but deep down the answer you would give her would hold an important weight in her heart that you were entirely unaware of.

“No,” you gave her a small, sad smile. “We just met that day.” 

Maya couldn’t help herself, she really couldn’t. She had to know. As much as your answers could rip her heart right out, she just had to. “Has there been anyone serious?” 

“No, Maya,” you sighed. It wasn’t a sigh of frustration, but one that sounded just so disheartening to Maya’s ears. “Not since…”

“Me,” Maya finished. 

You just nodded in a response. The look on your face said it all. The pain was still right there on the surface. There’s a discomfort between you two. Things were still broken. Of course they would be, Maya thought. It’s not like you two tried to talk after you walked out. She just let you walk away and she was sure you probably held that against her even today. You two didn’t try to be friends, you didn’t try to be anything after it all went down. It was just radio silence apart from that drunken night. But Maya could feel that there was still so much left unsaid. It wasn’t just her that wanted to talk, but she could see in your eyes that you did too. If you didn’t, you could’ve just walked on. Yet, you stayed. It was awkward and public, but you still stood in front of her, shuffling your feet, as you waited for more words to come. So a talk was definitely necessary and obviously overdue. The question is, would you be willing to actually sit down and talk with her?

She had to try, right? You were, well, you. The person on Maya’s mind every single day even if you weren’t currently in her life. Her greatest love that still held all of her heart. She had to try. 

“Could we… I don’t know.” Maya was really struggling to get these words out there. No matter how many times she practiced this in her head after running into you, doing it was harder. She had to be brave though. She knew this moment wouldn’t come again for a long time. It had been so long since she saw you. Last week didn’t count, this meeting was different; face-to-face. A rare coincidence that suddenly presented her with so many options. What would happen if she let this chance pass her by? When would it come next? Would that girl you were with still be nothing serious? Maya couldn’t risk that. “Could we maybe grab dinner sometime?”

“Why?” It wasn’t a harsh question. You weren’t being defensive when you asked, but you were being cautious. Maya understood that and honestly she appreciated it even. But the question still took her aback.

“I just- I think we should talk.” Maya searched your eyes for any type of negativity to her request. She was really putting herself on the line. Not just with asking you to talk, but actually telling you that she was willing to. And talk she would. She would say everything that was left unsaid and she would let you say what you needed to say too of course. Maya could show you that she’s different, that she’s better, that she changed. Maybe then you’d give her just one last chance. She had no right to ask you for any more, not when so much time had passed. But god fucking dammit she wanted you back so badly. 

“I’ve been seeing a therapist and working on myself,” Maya continued. “I just want the chance to— to show you how far I’ve come.” The mention of therapy shocked you. It was something you asked her to consider, but all you were met with was a scoff. As your eyes searched Maya’s face, you realized how sincere she was. She seemed to be very honest about her claims. 

You wished you could relate. That you could say you worked on yourself in the time you two were apart. Truthfully, when Maya saw you it was the first time you decided to stop drowning in your heartbreak and find someone new. The sight of Maya that day had ruined that resolve.

Secretly, after that day, you hoped to see her again. Part of you wished she would call, but she didn’t. If you called, you felt like that was betraying every promise you made to yourself after leaving her. She needed to change to make it work, to stop hurting you, but you were scared she wasn’t capable of that.

So, you didn’t call. But when you saw her running towards you, on a route you knew she took, you couldn’t stop yourself from stopping her. Part of you still felt shocked to see her again, but really it was you lying to yourself. There was a strong chance you’d see her, and you knew that. You told yourself you needed the walk for fresh air, but there was more to it. The need to just talk to her, for even a moment, was too great. You wanted to know how she was doing, if she was okay. That drunken call still ran through your head and made you sick with worry.

When you saw her at the cafe, though, you thought she looked good. There was an inkling of hope, which is why you found yourself here trying to “accidentally” bump into her. And it all played out how you wanted.

But then she wanted dinner and to actually talk and you realized you were playing a dangerous game. If she hurt you all over again, honestly you didn’t think you could survive it. All you’ve done for months is lay in an unfamiliar, empty apartment you managed to find when you left. It didn’t feel like home, it felt depressing. You were sufficating in your heartbreak and just starting to pick up the pieces. If she was lying to get you back, only to treat you so badly again, it would destroy you for good this time.

“I don’t know…” Your eyes fell as you tried to find the right words to let her down.

“Just one dinner and then, if you want, you never have to hear from me again.” Maya’s plea had squeezed at your heart. The moment you made the mistake of looking back up at her, your resolve broke. She was so hopeful and yet so scared at the same time. “Just one dinner,” She repeated and you shocked yourself when you nodded in agreement. 

“One,” you whispered. 

“Good.” Maya’s smile was hesitant, but her eyes sparkled as she realized you were giving her a chance. Maybe it wasn’t a chance to get back together and make up for all the pain Maya caused, but it was a start. “This weekend, let’s go to that Italian restaurant… the one you love so much.” 

You knew the exact one. Maya wasn’t subtle. It was your first date, which is possibly why it was your favorite place. It was romantic and intimate. A good place to talk, but also a good place to get lost in Maya’s presence and lose your resolve even more. 

Still you couldn’t help but agree. “I’ll meet you there.” You knew if you drove there at least you wouldn’t be going home with her even if you wanted to. Maya nodded, giving you her most charming smile that used to make you swoon. It still did, if you were being completely honest. 

Your smile was nervous as you returned it, but still there was a flutter in your stomach that you hadn’t felt in a long time. The last time was before Maya got demoted, when that bright smile was turned your way almost every day. Seeing it again, you didn’t realize how much you missed it. 

Both of you parted after a moment. Maya’s jog continued but this time instead of spiraling in anxiety about potentially losing you forever, she was happy. Her plan was to talk, really it was, but as she ran her mind daydreamed about all the romantic possibilities that could happen after.

You, on the other hand, were preoccupied with very different thoughts. Ones of re-lived heartbreak and broken promises. The rest of that evening you spent spiraling and consumed in regret and fear of the what ifs. 

---------------------------------------------

The weekend came faster than you expected it to. In the days that followed your last encounter with Maya, your mind was fixated on so many worst case scenarios. Maya, on the other hand, was the exact opposite. 

She was nervous, sure, but she was also confident. She had her foot back in the door, she could try to convince you that she had changed. Logically, she knew jumping back into it all with you would be nearly impossible. It wasn’t like she wasn’t ready for that or for you. She knew she was ready to have it all with you, to have you back home and in the bed you once shared with her. It was all she wanted now. Screw captain, she had dropped the fantasy of getting it back somewhere in the second month of regular therapy sessions. Recently, it had even been reoffered to her and it was just as much of a shock to the station as it was to herself when she rejected the opportunity to snatch the position again.

Somewhere in the process of self improvement, she realized that wasn’t actually what she wanted. What she did want was her life back. That wasn’t possible, she decided, without you. But, not only did she want her life back, she wanted it to be better. For you. It’s what you deserved and she realized that now. She had taken you for granted and she was going to spend the rest of her life making it up to you if you’d let her.

That was another thing. Part of her plan was ambitious. She had wanted to eventually prove her dedication to you with a ring she had long hidden in the drawer next to her side of the bed, waiting for just the right chance. This was part of her plan that she had in mind before she saw you on that coffee date and if she was being honest, it was a part she tried to let go of again before she saw you on her run. When she saw you at the coffee shop, she had tried to calm herself, realizing the minute she felt ready that she was getting a little too excited. She had expected you to be hesitant, mad even, but she had held onto this naive idea that you were waiting for her to better herself. 

Even if she tried to calm herself down and not get her hopes up, she couldn’t help it. The closer she got to Saturday the more hopeful she got. Her mind wandered to the daydreams she used to have about a future with you, a wedding, a house… All those big things. There were butterflies in her stomach that she hadn’t felt since she got demoted. It really felt like everything was coming together for her.

That is, until about two hours before you both had agreed to meet.

While she was eagerly getting dressed in the nicest possible outfit, you were sitting frozen on your bed, staring at the clock tick away closer and closer to when it was time to see her. Your mind was running in circles about how you were setting yourself up to get hurt again, how you were going along with this all too easily. It was a big step to see Maya and who’s to say she really has changed? Or what if she has changed, but would stop working on herself the minute she had you back? She could lean on you, sure, you were always there to support her, but you didn’t want to be her emotional punching bag again. You didn’t want the cold shoulder when she came home, the accusations, the walking on eggshells. You didn’t know what was worse, living with a shell of the woman you loved or being without her completely. But as these months went on, and that emptiness sunk in, you had gotten used to it. Maybe it was better than the constant pain, rejection, and resentment Maya had directed towards you? Or maybe you just got comfortable in it?

Either way you were scared, so you made a choice. It was one solely made out of fear, one that you chose without truly thinking over it in a logical way. You sent a text on impulse.

Maya saw her phone light up as she was out already, trying to pick up a few of your favorite things before the date really started. With your favorite flowers in hand, she opened the text and her stomach dropped. 

I can’t see you tonight. I’m sorry.

That was all you gave her and honestly, Maya understood. She really did, but she was still crushed. 

The flowers she had in her hand were left forgotten on the cashier counter as she just walked straight out the door. 

The minute you sent that text your heart sank. You saw the three dots on the text thread start for a moment and then nothing. There was no reply, all it said was that it was read about a minute after you had sent it. You fell back on the bed, regretting the decision almost immediately and knowing just how much that had to hurt Maya. But it was for the best, right? That’s what you were telling yourself. It would save you both pain in the long run. It would save her from seeing you leave again, seeing you not be strong enough to stay by her side when she’s going through the worst of it. 

The guilt was killing you.

Eventually, about three hours later and what would’ve been an hour into the dinner you were supposed to have, you got tired of wallowing. You needed to eat, you didn’t have the emotional energy to cook, and maybe it would be good to get yourself up and moving. That way you couldn’t break your resolve, which for three hours had been seriously slipping. You lost count of the amount of times you typed and deleted an apology text to send to her. Of course, none of them got sent. If you sent one then there would be a possibility to reschedule and that reschedule would lead to all these feelings again. You couldn’t do that and you couldn’t put Maya through that.

So, by some miracle, you got yourself back out of bed. You walked, on autopilot, to your favorite pizza place to get some food. Honestly, you were probably quite the sight. You didn’t bother to do much other than get dressed in a comfortable t-shirt and jeans. There were probably still tear stains on your cheeks from how overwhelmed you felt by your emotions over tonight and your hair was definitely a mess, considering you buried yourself between two pillows and willed yourself to sleep off the horrible feelings. Sleep never came, so here you were. 

As you made your way into the restaurant and got in line to order, you really didn’t pay much attention to your surroundings. So, when you completely missed Ben Warren with his family sitting at a table, it was only understandable to take no notice. But he definitely saw you.

His head perked up and his eyebrows arched high in surprise. Maya had been talking all week about tonight, so to see you here and also in such a state of dishevelment was really shocking. But then he put the pieces together. You looked rough, but he didn’t think it was because of your interaction with Maya.

What he should’ve done was mind his own business, but he had a soft spot for you and Maya and once he saw how dead on your feet you looked, he couldn’t stop himself. With determination, while you remained completely oblivious to his presence, he walked up behind you and cautiously tapped your shoulder. 

You turned slowly, not really thinking about who was behind you or what they could want. The emotional exhaustion was too strong for you to honestly care much about anything. You really just wanted to get food and go. Even then, you weren’t sure you were going to eat it. At least you’d try though.

Then, as you turned and realized who it was, that’s when you jumped out of your skin. This was the last thing you wanted– Well, maybe not the last thing since it wasn’t actually Maya who was standing in front of you– But still, seeing someone she worked with was not much better. God, you hoped he didn’t know that you had plans with Maya. If he did, then it would be very obvious that you blew her off. He was her friend before he was yours. In fact, you weren’t sure if he really was your friend. Ben was kind and caring of course, but he was like that with everyone. 

The last thing you wanted was for him to look at you with any sort of disappointment or disapproval. What if his reaction was worse? That kind and welcoming side you had learned to associate with Warren could go away completely if he knew where you were supposed to be tonight. You really couldn’t get chewed out by him for hurting his friend. That wasn’t something you had the emotional capacity for tonight. Surely, Maya didn’t tell everyone. She wouldn’t, right? Thinking back to the dynamic you witnessed between her and her station and how everyone was a big family… the odds weren’t in your favor.

“What are you doing here?” Warren’s question was gentle, he waited to ask when the shock of seeing him finally washed from your face and was replaced with one of hesitation. He didn’t seem mad and, in fact, it was almost like he already knew the answer, but your heart still sank when you heard the question either way. “Aren’t you supposed to be meeting with Maya? It’s all she’s talked about this week.” 

So he did know. Of course, he knew. “Warren, hi… I- she told you about it?”

“It’s all she’s been talking about,” he said with no hint of humor in his voice. You swallowed hard at the look on his face. Not disapproving, but still serious.

“I- I couldn’t go,” you stammered. “It didn’t seem like a good idea. She said she changed— I don’t know. Look I should go.” You took a step back and your eyes darted to the exit. It was a bad idea to come out, you were seriously regretting that now. Food be damned, all you wanted to do was crawl back into bed. 

Seeing as Warren didn’t seem to want to stop you, you turned to leave. Even if you came here to get your comfort food before you spent the night, yet again, wallowing in heartbreak, your appetite was gone. Plus, you couldn’t stand the way he looked at you right now, the guilt of it was making you feel nauseous.  

“She gave up captain.” Warren’s voice stopped you dead in your tracks.

“What did you say…” Your question trailed off as you turned to him again.

“She gave up captain for you.” He repeated. What he said was something Maya didn’t even plan to tell you, not yet anyways. It was the last part of her process before she realized she was ready to try again with you, ready to show you she was better. And it was also the one thing you never thought you’d hear, one Maya knew would shock you to your core. She didn’t want you to know until she actually had you in her arms again, lest you think it was a tactic to get you back the easy way without even proving herself first. But, as Warren stood and saw how terrified you clearly were to jump into things with Maya again, he knew he had to nudge. 

“Warren…” It felt like the wind got knocked out of you. “That can’t be true. She wants that more than anything.” 

“No,” Warren shook his head. “There’s something she wants more.” His face said it all, he didn’t have to tell you what that thing was. It was so clearly you.

You were at a loss for words. Your heart was beating faster by the second as realization washed over you. 

“I suggest,” Warren’s voice was gentle now, “ you go see her. Tonight.”

You nodded, your feet backing away from the man yet again, but this time when you turned for the door it was for a different reason.

A million questions ran through your mind and you felt even worse about canceling on her now. You should’ve given her a chance to talk. You should’ve heard her out. If what he was saying was true then it changed everything. There was nothing bigger than the claim he just made. Warren didn’t lie either, you knew he was a trustworthy man. So you knew, deep down, the claim was true. 

Your feet carried you home faster than you thought capable. It was like your body was on autopilot while your mind raced. You stopped to grab your car keys before peeling out of your apartment parking lot and speeding towards your destination. You knew exactly where you wanted to go before you even really processed that you were already heading that way. It was rash. You had just spent the whole week worrying about being close to Maya again, hearing Maya out, opening yourself up to heartbreak. Now, though, everything was different. Now, you were suddenly ready to throw caution to the wind. 

Ben said the exact words you needed to hear to let go of any of your hesitations. Yes, you should’ve heard Maya out and yes, what you did wasn’t the best. But you were going to listen now, or try to. Even if your mind was in a million places at once, the only thing you knew was that you needed to see her. 

So when you found yourself at her apartment, you didn’t think to text or call her to warn her you were coming or to tell her you were there even when you slammed the car door and rushed to her unit. There was no hesitancy in the way you went straight to her door and knocked profusely. 

You definitely seemed like a crazy person, but you didn’t really care at that moment. Did you have a plan? No, but all you knew was that you needed to make this right. You’d hear her out, you’d listen for hours, you’d do whatever it took later. But as you waited anxiously for her to come to the door, this feeling inside you grew. It was one that told you to just fling yourself into her arms. Warren gave you all the reason you needed for you to let go of your trepidations. So if you could get her to open the door for you, you might just do exactly that. 

Finally, the door swings open and Maya’s irritated face twisted into utter shock the moment she saw you on the other side. It was almost comical to see just how flabbergasted she was. But then, as you took her appearance in, you realized she was probably wallowing in the same way you were the moment she read your text.

“(Y/N), hi what are you-”

“I have some stuff to say and I need you to just listen.” You interrupted her. She nodded immediately and stepped aside to let you in. You walked right past her and into the middle of her apartment. An apartment you used to share. The strangeness of being back here settled in your stomach like a storm and it just added so much more to your anxiety and confusion. Again, you really didn’t have much of a plan as to what was to come next. You should talk, you really should talk, but also you didn’t want to talk you just wanted… her. 

Maya walked in behind you and waited. You paced back and forth in front of her. With each step you took both yours and her anxiety was rising. She had no idea what you were going to say or if it was going to break her heart into tiny pieces. She was already hurting from your actions earlier today. The last thing she expected was to see you show up at her doorstep.  This could go either way. But honestly, she was gearing up more for you to say you never wanted to see her again rather than say anything good. But she hoped beyond hope that she was wrong to prepare for that. 

Your mind was racing and your heart was pounding in your chest. Ever since you let Maya back into your life (if you could even count the encounters you had as that), you were so afraid of her and the hurt she could possibly bring on top of the hurt you were already feeling from what happened before. But now you get this news? That the one thing she wanted more than anything in the world was offered to her and she said no. That one thing she wanted so badly it broke the both of you was no longer the thing she wanted and it felt like you were living in another reality. How were you supposed to react when Ben, the most honest man you knew, looks you in the eye and says it was you that she wanted most of all now? What do you say to him or, even more importantly, to her after learning that fact?

“We have a lot to talk about,” You were repeating yourself, but it was all you could think of to break the silence.  

“I know,” Maya nodded as she watched you pace the room.

“And a lot to work through.”

“I know,” she repeated.

“With this dinner was I… Was this your way of getting things back to the way they were?”

“No,” she shook her head. “Not how they were. A new start.”

“Maya, I- I’m still hurt. You hurt me and I haven’t healed all the way yet. It’s not that easy.”

“I know,” Maya hung her head. “I know, I hurt you. And I know it’s not that easy.”

“But even then… even…” Your words were escaping you and the battle in your mind was fizzling out to just one thing. You were so fucking tired. Tired of hurting from Maya. Tired of working through all of this and “staying strong” whatever the fuck that meant. Fuck sticking with your decision and standing your ground. Fuck being apart from the only woman you think you ever truly loved and would ever love. Fuck all of that. “Even after everything, even after months have passed… God, Maya can you just be kissing me now? Please?”

It didn’t even take Maya two seconds to process your words. In two quick strides she was in front of you, with her hands on either side of your face, pulling you in. It felt like a hurricane of emotions exploding inside you the minute her lips crashed into yours. But god was it just so… so everything. It was painful, it was incredible, it was messy, it was earth shattering. The way she was pressing her lips to yours with so much need, so much love, and so much desperation. And you met every emotion she was giving you into that kiss with your own tenfold. God, this was all you both wanted.

Maya felt like she was about to explode with joy. She knew there was work to be done, she knew you were hurt and the both of you were still broken, but finally there was hope. When she asked you to dinner, never in her wildest dreams did she think this would be happening right now. Especially after the text she received. But this. This moment right here was a sign that those pieces she broke back then could start being put together and that was all she had hoped for the minute you walked out the door. She was going to do everything she possibly could to fix what you two had. 

Your hands moved to tangle into Maya’s hair and hers moved to wrap around your waist and pull your body to press against hers. The kiss grew more and more heated with every passing second. It was like you had been starving for her and now finally you got to have a taste again, but it was going to take so much more to satiate you. Maya was in the same boat.

In the back of your mind, you thought maybe you should stop at kissing her and start talking at some point, but then your back hit the wall and Maya’s hands were dipping under your shirt and scratching at your sides. The way she was pressing herself so completely into your body, while also pulling you impossibly closer had your head swimming. A small moan fell from her lips as she kissed you harder and any thought of stopping was totally gone. The overwhelming need to be even closer (if that was possible at this point) overtook you. Plus, you didn’t want to go another night without having her next to you. The thought of going back to your empty apartment, falling asleep alone in bed, without her strong arms around you was the last thing you wanted. Tonight, you wanted Maya and you weren’t going to deny yourself of that any longer.

You were melting into her, your hands gripping at her back desperately as she kissed you with everything she had. The way your tongue ran over hers had both of you groaning against each other’s lips. Maya too thought maybe she should take it slow. Her reasoning was that she was worried she’d scare you off, but then you held her tighter and let her kiss you deeper and she knew that she couldn’t hold back. She’d only stop if you told her to stop, otherwise she was going to finally indulge. 

Eventually, Maya’s hands gripped tightly at your waist and she pulled you to walk backwards into the bedroom with her. Not once did she break the kiss and with each step you took with her, she just felt more eager to have you completely again. When both of you crossed the threshold, her hands were immediately tearing at your clothes. Both of you only broke the kiss for her to remove your shirt and bra and then her own, before you both leaned back in.

This time, when she kissed you, she slowed a little. Her tongue licked into your mouth and your nails dug into her bare shoulders. Her hands trailed down your stomach until they reached your jeans. She slipped her fingers into your belt loops and, in one swift move, she had you turned around until your knees hit the edge of the bed and you fell backwards. 

You landed with an umph but she didn’t seem to mind, neither did you. She followed you down with her knees resting on the mattress on either side of your hips to hold herself up. Her lips moved from yours to lick and nip down your neck. You were breathing hard and small whines were falling freely from you now. 

All the while, Maya was in a state of disbelief. This all felt too good to be true, but then here you were. In her hands, on her bed, laying right beneath her. The very thought of it all just made Maya’s need for you rise. 

Her teeth sank into the tender flesh between your neck and collarbone a little harder than she had been nipping at you before. A loud gasp filled the room, but quickly turned into a desperate moan as her tongue ran over the bite mark she left behind.

Usually, when you two were together before, you would complain about her leaving marks and the efforts you’d have to take to hide them the next day. This time was different, though. You didn’t mind her doing it, in fact you wanted her to. In a weird way it was a reminder that Maya seemed to have changed and that she was here with you tonight. So if anything happened after this encounter, at least you had this moment with her. This moment of completely throwing caution to the wind and letting Maya have you completely as she once did.

Maya’s hands tugged at your jeans as her lips and tongue made their way down to your chest. When she lowered her head past your neck, she was finally met with the sight of your perfect bare chest. When Maya had managed to rip off your jeans and toss them somewhere, one hand shot right up to palm at your breast while the other pushed your thigh until you had no choice but to spread your legs and let Maya adjust to kneel between them. 

With the way Maya was palming at one nipple, rolling it between her fingers and teasing you, your head was swimming. Then, she took your other in her mouth and your own hand flew to her hair, pressing her closer to your bare breast as she lightly sucked and nipped at it. 

Your head had already fallen back onto the pillow, your body already overwhelmed by all the things Maya was doing to it. It was like she never missed a beat.  She knew what you liked, she remembered every sensitive spot, every way and place to touch that drove you crazy. When her fingers finally left your inner thigh and moved between your legs to just barely trace the outside of your folds, you couldn’t stop the whimper.

That was one thing about you and Maya. The sex was always amazing because she always paid attention to your body. But she also loved to draw things out, which is exactly what it seemed like she was doing tonight. The way she continued to pay attention to your breasts while just barely ghosting the tips of her fingers over your clit was her way of taking her time. It was also driving you crazy. You didn’t think tonight, of all nights, you could let this be drawn out.

It had been months since you left Maya and even longer since she actually touched you like this. Drawing it out was torture for you. Even though Maya was enjoying this, enjoy your body, she still knew you well. She didn’t miss the frustrated huff when she only traced your entrance but didn’t do much else. She heard the pleading whimpers when her fingers rubbed lazy circles against your clit. As much as she wanted to take her time and absorb every little detail about your body, she wanted to fulfill your needs first.

So, when she entered you with two fingers without warning, the way you gasped out her name felt like the most rewarding sound Maya had ever heard. You still had one hand tangled into her hair and the other moved to wrap around her back as she began to move her fingers inside you. 

Maya managed to position herself in a way that whenever she entered her fingers into you, she put her whole body behind it. She rocked into you with each time her fingers pumped inside you. The whole bed creaked and groaned as she continued to fuck you at a steady, but strong pace.

As her pace sped up, Maya buried her head into your neck. Her emotions were high right now. To be with you like this again finally was everything to her. The way you held onto her, the way you felt around her fingers, the way you were about to fall apart at any second because of her— it was so beautiful to her. Tears pricked at her eyes, but she ignored them, knowing they were just a result of how happy she finally was. Her lips reattached to your neck, leaving marks on your skin as you turned your head into the pillow and gave her more access. 

When her fingers curled inside you and you cried out her name again, she groaned into your neck. Her free hand moved to grab one of yours and entangle your fingers as she started to pump the two inside you even harder. At this point, she knew you were close. She could feel you tighten around her fingers.

By now all you were doing was moaning her name. Every part of you was overwhelmed by Maya and the intensity was nothing you had experienced before. To go so long without the woman you loved, to not know if you’d ever have her again, made this experience so much more intense.

Your body shook as Maya continued to press her fingers against just the right spot inside you. The hand that was now in yours held tighter and you squeezed back as your body started to approach that edge.

White hot pleasure burst through your whole body finally and you felt yourself tighten even more around the fingers inside you. You let out a pathetic whimper of Maya’s name as you came. She kissed at your neck and your face, murmuring different things about how good you were, how beautiful you looked, and other praises.

Your body relaxed underneath her finally and she slowly and carefully slid her fingers out of you. Maya’s body rested more fully on top of yours once she had and you still struggled to regulate your heartbeat.

A hand came to press against your cheek and Maya leaned up slightly to look at you. You were still panting a little from the intensity of the orgasm, but you managed to focus your eyes and look back. The expression you saw from her took your breath away. Never had you seen her so happy, so radiant in all the time you’ve known Maya. She was smiling down at you with the softest, but most genuine smile you’ve ever seen. Her eyes shined as she stared back at yours and all you could read in them was admiration and happiness. 

She leaned down then, her lips pressing against yours in the most gentle kiss. Your eyes fluttered closed and you leaned up into it, overtaken by the softness that Maya was displaying. 

“I know we need to talk,” Maya whispered when she pulled away. “But would you stay the night, please?” You nodded and Maya’s smile only got brighter. “I just want to hold you for the rest of the night. Is that okay?”

“I’d like that,” you managed to say, your voice still rough from the intensity of the events just moments ago. 

“Good,” Maya sighed happily. She adjusted then, rolling off you and shimmying out of the rest of her clothes. Then she settled beside you, pulling you into her strong arms where you adjusted until you felt comfortable. There was so much intimacy in this moment, your bare bodies pressed to each other and your head on her chest so close you could hear the beat of her heart. Before you left, before Maya lost captain even, this kind of intimacy was hard for Maya to express. You had learned and accepted that it was a feeling that would come when it did, and that was rare.

But tonight, as Maya’s fingers raked gently through your hair, it felt so natural and easy for her. There didn’t seem to be any difficulty in the affection Maya was showing and your heart skipped a beat as you realized just how much truth she had spoken when she said she changed. 

You felt content in this moment, like everything would be okay. No matter what all you had to talk through, no matter the work that still needed to be done, things between you two would be okay. You were right where you were supposed to be and both of you felt that sentiment now more than either of you ever had. 

“Maya,” you whispered into the peaceful silence the room had fallen into. “I love you. I never stopped loving you.” Those words had so much emotion, they held so much promise in them, and you hoped Maya understood all of it in the conviction you put behind them.

Maya’s hand paused in your hair for a moment, but you felt the arm around you tighten and pull you closer. “I love you too,” Maya finally said, clearing her throat to avoid the obvious signs of tears that threatened to spill. “I will always love you with everything I have, if you let me. I promise you that.”

It was a new promise that Maya was making to you. What felt like so long ago Maya had held you and said she never loved anyone more completely than you and promised that never would change. Now she is promising you that she will give her all to loving you and being the partner you need. Maya has broken promises, she’s let you down and hurt you in the past. It’s what broke the both of you before. But as you took in her words, you knew, just as she held onto the one promise, she’d hold onto this one as well. 

There was healing to do, but Maya was ready to rebuild with you if you’d let her. And as you pulled yourself closer into her body and pressed a kiss over her heart, she knew you were all in to rebuild with her too.

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[descendant-of-truth]

Okay I waited to get this out there because I didn't want to be a bummer the second it released, but. The story in Shadow Generations was... kind of nothing. Which sucks, because it had literally everything going for it.

Shadow gets plunged into a white space where people and places from different points in time are unceremoniously dropped in due to the power of the Time Eater, and that means Black Doom is here to try to manipulate Shadow again. Shadow starts developing alien mutations that mess with his sense of identity and only make Black Doom stronger, but he's determined to use them to take him out for good.

At the same time, Maria and Gerald Robotnik are here, and of course the first thought on Shadow's mind when he discovers them is how he can find a way to save them from their original fates. So he's got two goals: defeat Black Doom, and save his family.

This setup is really good. It's immediately engaging for all sorts of reasons, from the surface-level "whoa cool alien powers!!" to the heartbreaking implications of Shadow being forced to say goodbye to Maria and Gerald again. (Because naturally, we've seen where the games go from here and we know the timeline isn't changed that drastically.)

And it's clear to see that the people involved in working on this game were passionate about it, too. The animation and cinematography is quite good, and while I have my critiques (I still don't think the character models are that great), so much effort was put into making Shadow the coolest guy ever, and I think it paid off. He's both very cool and shows a wider range of emotions than we've seen from him in a while, which is always a plus for me.

I mean, goodness knows that Shadow needed his character to be revisited and given respect after, what, over ten years? The step up that this is can't be overstated.

And yet.

The story itself is so empty.

Let's go in order:

The game opens with a narrated recap of Shadow's basic history in order to catch people up. I can't say it doesn't technically serve its purpose, but given the fact that the premise of the game is exploring Shadow's past, it's a little weird to spell it out at the start like this. If you're a newcomer to the series and don't know much about Shadow, wouldn't it be cooler to find this stuff out by progressing in the game?

It also leaves out crucial details that, while they could arguably bloat the scene, provide a lot of relevant context that a first-time viewer isn't privy to.

"At the last moment, Shadow remembered Maria's final wish... to protect her beloved planet and all who lived there."

The last moment of... what, exactly? What made him remember, what made him forget in the first place?

In order, these are the answers the scene doesn't give you:

The last moments before the ARK crashed into the Earth, which would've caused catastrophic damage.

Amy was the one who pleaded with Shadow to give everyone a chance, which echoed what Maria told him, triggering the full memory.

It's actually unclear if Shadow forgot what Maria said as a natural trauma response or because Gerald messed with his memories on purpose, but this would have been a great opportunity to clarify.

It also leaves out the fact that Shadow teamed up with Sonic to save the world after he tried to destroy it, so that's two connections with other characters he has that are completely left out in the recap. I know we're finally getting back to showcasing Rouge and Omega as his best friends, but he does hold respect for Sonic and Amy, too. Plus, his interactions with them in SA2 were so iconic, why leave them out?

Then again, I suppose Rouge and Omega aren't in this recap either... which is really weird, the more I think about it.

But even as it's describing the moment he chooses to be a hero, they don't show him in his super form alongside Sonic, he's just... what, on fire?? I don't know what that's supposed to be depicting, it just looks cool.

"Shadow didn't understand why Black Doom expected him to be the vanguard for his invasion of Earth."

A fine start, but shouldn't we have gotten a passing mention of Shadow's amnesia somewhere in here? He spent two whole games trying to remember who he was, and Black Doom's whole tactic was to exploit his desire for answers. That's important characterization for both Shadow and Black Doom that we're missing out on, here.

"Shadow the Hedgehog. The lone, dark warrior who judges the world by his own code."

This is maybe best addressed in a separate post, but. does anyone else find this description of Shadow kinda odd? "Lone warrior" I get, even with his friends he's not big on groups, but it's everything else.

Yeah, he judges the world by his own code, I guess, but his actions are all in service of following Maria's code. It's Sonic that lives solely by what he wants without much influence from others, not Shadow.

And what exactly makes Shadow a "dark" warrior? He's been explicitly characterized as someone who doesn't kill as recently as the prologue animation to this very game, where he goes out of his way to save a pilot when he doesn't need to. His entire life's purpose is protecting the world, and this doesn't involve killing or torturing people, so... what exactly is the dark part of his morality. Nothing about this recap has given me reason to believe he's anything but a heroic person with a traumatic past, and the subsequent game will only reinforce that.

I guess he did kill all the Black Arms, but that's not something the game ever treated as an immoral action. Shadow blows up Black Doom and the comet his people live on and all of our heroes cheer as he does it. It happens in the True Ending and everything, where Shadow's supposed to be proving himself as a hero for real, so that can't be the example of him being a Dark Warrior.

Is it because of how he treated Infinite, a character that this game doesn't acknowledge despite featuring a level from Forces? We'll never know. They just want you to accept the idea that he's Darker and Edgier than Sonic based on his surface-level demeanor alone, which... given that the objective of this game is to showcase Shadow's nuance, this is really out of place. Overall, not a great scene.

That said, the first real cutscene is pretty good, and it immediately showcases how unnecessary that recap was by showing how excited Maria was to meet Shadow for the first time. From that scene, we learn that Shadow was artificially made, that he's "the Ultimate Lifeform," that Maria was likely close to him, that this happened on some place called "the ARK" which is in space, etc. Why did we have a narrator tell us all of this a minute ago when we were just about to see it for ourselves?

I do have one nitpick, though - Shadow claims that he arrived at the ARK "an hour ago," and Rouge on the other end of the comm is already at Sonic's birthday party. Rouge only agreed to help Shadow get to the ARK if he would go to Sonic's birthday party afterwards, but how was Shadow supposed to have time to do anything up there if Sonic's party was that soon? I was under the impression from watching the prologue that Sonic's birthday was at least a week away, because how else would Rouge expect him to conduct a full investigation and potentially fight some huge battle before then?

Oh and the Time Eater shows up in two places at once (at Sonic's party and on the ARK), I feel like it would've made more sense to have it grab Shadow after it was done with everyone else. Now I'm gonna be forced to ask "why doesn't the Time Eater multiply" for the rest of the game. Whatever

Moving on, our first real sign of things to come is the fact that Omega does not have a proper speaking role despite showing up in the first cutscene. He's right there, conveniently next to Shadow, but as soon as you think they're going to talk to each other... you're dropped into the hub world. Speaking to Omega results in text bubble dialogue, wherein Shadow is mysteriously hit with Silent Protagonist Disease and we don't get to hear anything he says. Effectively, Omega just. talks at Shadow three times, saying nothing of interest. and it's completely optional.

I repeat: all of the dialogue from one of Shadow's best friends is OPTIONAL, and Shadow himself says nothing to him. Yeah, we're off to a great start.

(Omega even says that he's going to assist Shadow, and I just. I have to laugh. I'm so sorry Omega but in terms of physical actions, you're genuinely going to do less here than in Forces)

Shadow: "No. She's gone. I'm seeing things."

Pardon?? Seeing things??? I'm sorry but there is no way that Shadow can see and recognize Maria from that distance but not from ten feet away with her back turned. He's also never been implied to have super-vision, so the whole scene just doesn't make sense, and frankly adds nothing to the story.

Even if he doesn't mean literal sight, then 1) why did he phrase it like that, and 2) I kinda don't care. He doesn't need to be able to sense Maria's presence or whatever's going on here, because he's just as shocked when he actually sees Maria properly later. It builds suspense I suppose, but I feel like it would've been more impactful to discover that Maria was really here the same way Shadow does; in the cutscene where he saves her.

But before they can reunite, we've got the first proper cutscene with Black Doom:

Black Doom: "You defeated us, but the Black Arms live on. And this temporal anomaly has accelerated my plans to revive my forces and consume the world."

I'm gonna be real with you guys. I have no idea what he's talking about here.

The game makes zero attempt to really explain how the Black Arms "live on" despite Shadow blowing up their entire comet along with Black Doom himself, and going into the game, I kinda thought it was just... time displacement. Maria and Gerald are brought in from a time they were alive, so I thought it would be the same with Black Doom, but no - he revived himself before the Time Eater even got involved.

Which I'd be willing to accept if they gave me an explanation for it, but they didn't, and the whole foundation of the plot suffers for it.

Plus, what the heck does he mean that the temporal anomaly has "accelerated his plans to revive his forces"?? The Time Eater's powers don't... accelerate anything. At all. They pluck things out of time and freeze them in a void. How does that help Black Doom's plans whatsoever?

If the idea is that he's going to pluck his own forces out of time and bring them back that way, why not just say that? Why are they withholding such basic information from us? It doesn't create intrigue, and the story doesn't even treat it like there's a gap in our knowledge to begin with. I think it's genuinely supposed to be the whole explanation, and that's a problem because it explains very little.

Then you've got the Black Moon, and this thing annoys me to no end because guess what?? Despite gradually opening more eyes and cracking open every time you complete a level, it's never once explained what it is or what it's for. All it does is turn the white void into a red void and open a portal to Even More Radical Highway. Maybe I'm forgetting something from an optional piece of dialogue, but that only creates a different problem, which is that you should never lock basic understanding of the story behind optional dialogue.

Why does it have eyes? Is it a living creature or some weird bioweapon? It's oddly mechanical for a creation of the Black Arms; even their weaponry is organic, as this very game tells us through Omega, so what's its deal??

You'd think it would have something to do with time, considering the framing of this scene:

Shadow says "perhaps I can change their fate" and then looks to the Black Moon as though it may hold some relevance to this new plot thread, but. nope. it just takes you back to Radical Highway.

And hey, look at that, I was so busy complaining about the moon that I seamlessly transitioned into one of my biggest issues with the game: Shadow says this. and never follows up on it. EVER.

I'm not kidding, there's literally NO point in the game where we're shown Shadow trying to do ANYTHING to change Maria and Gerald's fates. There's no scene where he attempts to understand the void better, he never investigates anything, he makes exactly zero attempts to accomplish one of his main goals. of BRINGING HIS FAMILY BACK TO LIFE.

What is the point of them being here, then.

No, I'm serious, literally why are they here if we don't get to see Shadow try to save them?? By the time the final cutscene rolls around, they start fading away back to their own time, and suddenly Shadow's like

(WHY ARE YOU SURPRISED, YOU DID NOTHING TO PREVENT THIS OUTCOME)

But I'll talk more about Maria and Gerald later - for now, since we're on the topic of Shadow having odd reactions to things, how about those stages and bosses, huh?

Well guys, I'm pleased to announce that despite there being dialogue in some of the stages, absolutely none of it provides context to the locations Shadow visits or his thoughts on them! If you didn't play Heroes and have no idea that Bullet Station is where Shadow found a destroyed Shadow Android, kickstarting a new layer to his identity crisis, then congratulations, this choice of level will mean nothing to you.

And before anyone tries to be like "the Sonic Generations levels don't get commentary from Sonic on their significance to him, either," it's a problem there, too. But it's an even bigger problem here, because they went out of their way to choose levels that have real emotional significance to Shadow and then proceeded to do nothing with it.

Isn't this the game where we revisit Shadow's story up until this point? Would it have been so hard to drop a line of dialogue indicating that Shadow's not thrilled about returning to Bullet Station? Maybe add a brief cutscene where he finds the same broken android from before, and says something like "hmph, I can't believe I let that thing make me doubt myself for so long," thus demonstrating his growth?

Here's a fun fact: Shadow has zero cutscenes that happen inside of levels. This is something Sonic beats him at, by having one cutscene that takes place in a level (Chemical Plant). This should not have been a high bar to clear, but they fell short somehow, anyway.

(Space Colony ARK doesn't even use the Final Chase music. The Shadow game starts out with a song exclusive to Sonic rather than him. He actually has more ARK-related music than Sonic does and they still didn't use any of them. How did they mess that up)

This problem only gets worse when they start pulling in levels from Forces and Frontiers - games that this Shadow hasn't experienced yet and wasn't there for, respectively. Once again, on principle, this is a cool idea! Shadow getting a peek into what his and Sonic's futures have in store? The confusion over when these events take place, if they're even connected to him like the others have been? Great stuff

And hey, if he's going to Chaos Island, and we saw from the trailers that the volcano is exploding in Act 1, then maybe we could even see Super Sonic fighting Knight in the background in Act 2! The debris from their fight could even act as platforming challenges, can you imagine how cool that would be? What will Shadow think of the advanced tech on the island, or of seeing Sonic fight something so massive? Surely this is a great opportunity to elevate Frontiers even further--yeah of course they don't do that.

No Knight fight in the background, which is... fair enough, I guess, but then why bother with the volcano exploding? It only does that moments away from when Sonic is about to fight Knight. Yeah, it looks cool, but we didn't need it. The more egregious problem is still the fact that Shadow has no observable thoughts or opinions on being sent to unfamiliar terrain in the future, though.

The bosses all have dialogue, though, which is a step up on a technicality and little else. Most of the dialogue from Shadow is just him being a self-aggrandizing badass who doesn't see any of the bosses as threats - even Neo Metal Sonic, who he should really not be so confident in beating all by himself, considering that he. didn't do that before. It actually took eleven other people to defeat Neo Metal, including Super Sonic, but I guess he just doesn't care at this point.

If they wanted to, it would've been easy to make him overconfident on purpose due to his new Doom powers, make an arc out of it, but no. Shadow's just Like This now, apparently.

There's a similar power scaling issue in Sonic Generations too, where Sonic can somehow defeat Perfect Chaos without his super form, but the game had dropped location-specific cutscenes so long ago that it was hard to feel like it was even canon at a certain point. The game never cared about making sense or really being anything, but Shadow Generations doesn't get that excuse. The bosses having the most mid-gameplay dialogue tells us that they're Definitely Happening, and so I care more about them as a result.

Which takes us to the moment that I truly realized that this game had no interest in doing anything with its material: the Mephiles boss fight.

Shadow: "What's this? A seal of some sort?"

Okay real quick before I get into my big issues with this fight: I know it's a magic glowing artifact, but what about it actually looks like a seal, specifically? Does Shadow just have a sense for this kind of thing? I don't recall him ever demonstrating that ability before.

I feel like this line is just here to clarify what it is for people who don't know, but since Shadow also doesn't know, it's just kind of weird. I'm not even sure why he's in the Scepter to begin with, considering that Shadow's sealing attempt in this room was a failure, but whatever.

Of the three bosses in Shadow Generations that precede the final boss, Mephiles is the only one that can both speak and had a relevant dynamic with Shadow that would be interesting to revisit. The Biolizard is cool but doesn't have a personality, and Neo Metal had no real opinion on Shadow. (In Rivals 2, Shadow and Metal Sonic have a developing friendship, but this has unfortunately never been brought up again. If they did so here, it would only have been on Shadow's end, since Metal hadn't gotten to that point yet.)

But Mephiles? So much of his character revolves around Shadow. It was Shadow who sealed him away originally, and it was Shadow's form that he took when he broke free. He's the main antagonist of Shadow's story in 06, and even though his primary goal is rejoining with Iblis, he takes a vested interest in trying to manipulate Shadow over to his side by showing him the worst of what humans will do to him - not unlike Black Doom, honestly, though he was focused on Shadow's past instead.

Plus, it's been so long! We thought we would never get to see Mephiles again! What have you got for us, game?

Mephiles: "I will defeat you, then restore myself to the timeline." Shadow: "I don't know what you're talking about, but I will crush you all the same." Mephiles: "What? Did you forget about me AGAIN?"

*deep sigh*

Contradictory dialogue back-to-back. I see. Cool.

Mephiles should not be surprised that Shadow doesn't remember who he is, because he literally JUST SAID that his goal is to restore himself to the timeline. He KNOWS that he never existed, and therefore SHOULD KNOW that nobody he encounters will remember him. I'm convinced that he only reacted this way because the writers thought it would be funny, and that's it.

Even if it made sense, though, Mephiles isn't supposed to be funny. He's supposed to be ominous and threatening. For as much care that went into recreating this environment and his powers/body language from 06 (and I gotta say, this whole section looks extremely nice), none of that same care really seemed to go into his personality. He's just as drab as Neo Metal, occasionally repeating lines from 06 so that you know they played it and not much else.

The end of the fight features some absolutely unhinged dialogue from Shadow for no reason, though.

Mephiles: "No... I want... to exist...! Shadow: "There is no future for you. Ever."

Look, I get it, they've done nothing but fight this whole time . But Shadow has no personal beef with this guy. Even if they're going with the idea that Shadow wouldn't care to learn what Mephiles is rambling on about (kind of boring, and why wouldn't he be curious about why someone like this has it out for him), there's no reason to go so far as to say he'll never have a future. Is this the "dark" part of that "dark warrior" thing they were talking about in the beginning?? Kind of a random place for it to jump out of him, if so.

The kind of intensity coming from Shadow here would be justified if he remembered who Mephiles was, but he doesn't. As it stands, it gives off the impression that he didn't actually process a single thing Mephiles said about wanting to exist and restore himself to the timeline, and just said the first cool, edgy retort that came to mind. Which makes the sentence both less cool and even more out of character.

After this boss finished playing out, all I could feel was disappointment and a creeping sense of emptiness. If this was how the game was handling Mephiles, of all characters, if this was the extent of what they were willing to do with an idea... the rest of the game suddenly seemed much less exciting. I got to this point, realized how comparatively little of the game was left, and thought oh no.

Now, uh... where was I in the story, again?

Oh right, Shadow was about to go save Maria. I actually have no notes on that scene, it's pretty good and I liked that Maria was immediately thrown off by his aggressive fighting style and whatnot. It implies a lot about what Shadow used to be like without really showing or telling us, and that's pretty neat.

The following cutscene where Gerald explains how Shadow's growing powers only make Black Doom stronger in the process is also fine, there's nothing super specific for me to gripe about it in isolation.

And this good streak it has going is immediately interrupted by the worst, most nonsensical scene in the entire game.

Sonic: "I found you, Shadow!" Shadow: "The blue hedgehog... of all places..." Sonic: "You have something I need." Shadow: "You can wait until my business is finished." Sonic: "Yea sorry, but that Chaos Emerald and I have a date with a monster!" Shadow: "Well then, it'll be a date to die for."

This is. a really stilted conversation, no matter what way you look at it. On one hand, it's repurposed dialogue from two different scenes haphazardly mashed together, neither of which should represent their current dynamic anymore since they were both antagonistic at the time. And on the other, it just... completely lacks character from both of them. They're so unbelievably dry despite their attempts to sound quirky, it's actually impressive.

I have to ask - have the script writers not heard the incessant complaints from fans about there being too many references in modern Sonic dialogue?? Because this scene plays out like an actual parody of that trend, the kind I would expect to see on twitter or something. I initially saw the animation for this cutscene without audio due to leaks, and I thought it looked pretty cool because the animation was nicely done.

Boy, when I tell you I was stunned to discover that THIS was the actual, official dialogue. What happened here?? Why is this what Sonic cutscenes are turning into?? In a game that costs $50-$60??And people are saying it's the best Sonic game???

Somehow, the god-awful dialogue isn't even the only thing that's wrong with this scene, but I'll compile the rest in bullet points to speed it up a little.

Shadow suddenly shows up in Sonic's section of White Space, despite it not being visible from a distance and therefore giving no reason for Shadow to venture out that far

Sonic says he "found" Shadow as if he was looking for him, even though the only people Sonic has seen here other than his and Tails' past selves are people who were at his birthday party

Classic Sonic is neither seen nor mentioned despite the extremely fun potential of having him interact with Shadow

A purple portal conveniently shows up in front of Sonic and Shadow while they're talking for no reason

The boss fight with Sonic is just a cutscene (lame), and Shadow gets taken out completely by one solid bonk from Sonic (even lamer)

The fake Chaos Emerald switcheroo, while clever, is presented as if it was done deliberately when it was clearly a coincidence that it got knocked out of Shadow instead of the real one

(I guess this technically happens before the Mephiles fight so my faith in this game was already plummeting, but I was willing to tolerate this scene being bad because I could understand them not wanting to add too much to Sonic's side of things. They had completely free reign with Mephiles and still delivered nothing, which is why it really cemented itself in my head)

The one thing I really liked here was seeing Shadow almost use his Doom powers to defeat Sonic, deciding against it, and his hesitation being what lost him the match. Shadow refusing to fight Sonic on unequal terms is some really good characterization that I was happy to see.

Black Doom: "The promised time is nigh upon us, Shadow. Soon, you will be mine."

So did we ever learn what the "promised time" was, exactly? I've played every route of Shadow the Hedgehog (some more than once) and still can't remember. If he's referring to the time when Shadow awakens his full power then I guess it makes sense, but otherwise it's kind of an oxymoron considering that time doesn't exist in White Space.

Gerald: "He has grown a new body, and used the nebulous nature of time in White Space to accelerate his plans for revenge."

Shadow, buddy, your animation is positively kickin' right now but Gerald, I'm gonna need you to do literally anything other than just repeat the same lackluster explanation we got earlier as if that's going to make it any less confusing. What ABOUT the nebulous nature of time? Is time not largely just frozen here?? We're somehow around 3/4s into this story and I still have NO idea how anything works

Maria calms Shadow down from his frankly justified anger by holding his hand and talking about how she doesn't want him to be driven by darkness. They find a way to throw in the fact that apparently Maria named him "Shadow" because the presence of a shadow can show you where to find the light, and it's... nice? Very wholesome, but it feels awkwardly placed and I'm not sure anyone was seriously asking why he was named that. Like, of all the questions to spend this game's limited screentime answering, "why is he named Shadow" was probably not at the top of most people's lists.

And before you have a chance to think about it, we're already at the endgame.

Shadow: "I'm letting go of that destructive anger."

Wow, and in the very next scene after it was brought to your attention, too! You sure do grow fast, Shadow!

Okay, all jokes aside, there's not much I can say about the pacing in this game other than It's Rushed and Bad, but I think it's finally time to talk about Gerald and Maria.

Gerald first: He's mostly just here to give out exposition. His relationship with Shadow is much less focused on than Maria's, which I find to be really frustrating because I always had a lot of questions about how those two interacted. In SA2, we only know him as a grieving, hate-filled man who was heavily implied to have scientifically messed with Shadow's mind - not long after they had both just lost Maria - in order to make him inclined towards Gerald's revenge plan.

In Shadow's first game, we see a side to him from before then, when he really seemed to care for Shadow and we got some clarity on the purpose of the Eclipse Cannon and whatnot. But what were their average interactions like? Who was in charge of Shadow's training? If it was Gerald, did that ever create a sense of distance between them? Shadow never has warm, nostalgic flashbacks of him, so I assumed their relationship either wasn't as close or he has too many conflicting feelings now for those memories to be very comforting.

This game decides to lean into Gerald being a kind, supportive man, but regardless, Shadow's feelings should be a lot more complicated, no?

I'd imagine that, in a way, it's a relief to have this Gerald around again. It would make it easier to pretend that the man who used him in an attempt to destroy the world and go against everything Maria stood for was just... a fluke, or something.

But still, Shadow knows that he would do bad things to him if Maria died. It's already happened.

Dark Beginnings also suggested that either Shadow was there when he shot down by the firing squad (unlikely given the context), or he watched the recording that played at the end of SA2 enough to be able to see it in his dreams. Neither of those are good for his psyche, and would only add to the number of emotions he has to suppress whenever they interact. There is, of course, none of this nuance within the game itself, despite it being right there and ready to be worked with.

Then you've got Maria, and. hoo boy.

I take no real issue with any of Maria's traits that are on display. Her being a nice girl with boundless energy and goodwill does not make her boring, and I've always been fascinated by her character. So, I need you guys to understand that it's with a heavy heart that I must say that Maria is... barely a character in this game.

And like, she doesn't exactly have a history of being deep or complex. But we've also only ever seen her in Shadow's memories up until this point, and that means this game was a unique opportunity to flesh her out more.

When a character is as idealized by another as Maria is by Shadow, and we only see them through that lens, it's natural to assume that the depiction isn't completely accurate. I was never in doubt that Maria was kind and gentle, or that she was always there to help Shadow when she knew he was struggling, but I always wanted to know what she was like outside of that. What makes her angry? What was she like on a bad day, when she inevitably got frustrated at her lot in life? How did Shadow comfort her? What was her sense of humor like?

While we technically learn more things about Maria in this game, there's never a point where she acts differently from Shadow's vision of her. She's not really shown to have flaws, and she's only really there to be saved and offer emotional support. It's like... a textbook example of what you shouldn't be doing when writing a female character, having her be defined entirely by her relationship with the male lead and never speaking up or complaining about her own problems or feelings. They don't even make a point out of it, that Maria tempers herself to be "perfect" for other people or anything like that.

Why don't we get to see how she and Shadow would handle an argument or something like that? Especially this Shadow, who's all shaken up by everything? Wouldn't it be beneficial for both of their characters for Maria to be seen as herself, the way she was in life, rather than just the nicest moments she and Shadow had together?

I'm gonna make a comparison here that people aren't gonna like, but... I think Elise is honestly shown to be a more nuanced character than Maria is. And this is coming from someone who thinks that she was also mishandled in her game.

Similar to Maria, Elise is genuinely a deeply caring person, and lives mostly isolated with a condition of sorts that makes her life difficult. Her most important relationship is also with the male lead of her respective game, but she doesn't exist solely for his benefit. (Amusingly, Sonic actually seems to be there primarily to further her arc, so it's a bit of a role swap there.)

But we see more from Elise than just Being Nice all the time. We see her being resolute and bold in the face of danger, or disappointed when she has to go back to the castle. We watch her try her hardest not to cry and retain her strong, regal exterior when faced with overwhelming emotion.

We get to see her open up and laugh and become more confident, we watch as someone who's been forced to put her feelings aside for the convenience (and safety) of others her whole life finally break down and shout something selfish for once. And then we watch her ultimately choose to do the right thing, anyway. Her strength of character is shown to us by putting her in situations that challenge her, and the narrative never once shames her for being imperfect; it's actually encouraging her to be her real, flawed self.

Why does Maria not get this same treatment? Why don't we get cutscenes of her being excited about the new environment she's in, or frustrated that her symptoms are making it difficult to do anything here? When does she get to be selfish? Why can't she get upset at people treating her like she's frail, even if it technically "makes sense" for them to do so?

We're told, in Gerald's journal, that some of the people aboard the ARK doubted that Maria was really sick due to her symptoms not being clearly visible. Because it's his journal, we only get to hear his feelings on the matter, but in the full game, we never once get to know how it makes Maria feel, the person this is all about to begin with. They absolutely could have incorporated this into a cutscene somewhere, but they didn't.

Once again, I have to ask: what is the point of Maria and Gerald being in this game if this was how they were going to be written? Not only does Shadow fail to even attempt to save their lives, he doesn't even walk away from the experience with renewed understanding of who they were as people.

So what even happens in this story, then?? Every single aspect of it is dragged down constantly by the game's refusal to do anything with what it has:

Shadow revisits places from his past, but has nothing to say about them

Shadow visits places from the future, but has nothing to say about them

He has nothing relevant or interesting to say about any of the bosses

Mephiles trying to restore himself to the timeline is a plot point that exists solely within his boss fight and nowhere else

He doesn't struggle with any of the bosses, emotionally or physically, turning them into a boring power trip

He barely struggles with his Doom powers, the things that are supposed to be giving him an identity crisis

Sonic is not a playable boss fight and he also says nothing relevant or interesting

Classic Sonic doesn't even get a passing mention

The Team Dark friendship is supposed to be a highlight but Shadow never speaks to Omega, who also never shows up in cutscenes, and Rouge is just kinda there

Maria and Gerald never meet Rouge and Omega, or anybody else on-screen, despite it being extremely easy for them to run into each other

Shadow's relationships with Maria and Gerald are barely explored past their surface

Most importantly, Shadow is never shown making any sort of effort to save Maria and Gerald from their fates, despite it being one of his primary goals

...Oh yeah, I forgot to complain about how Shadow barely struggles with his Doom powers. I was gonna go on a whole spiel about how it would've been super easy to make into an arc and how it was wildly underutilized despite being a major selling point of the game, and the only real consistent conflict whenever Black Doom isn't on screen.

Well. Anyway. Once the White Space becomes Red Space (something that once again makes me question how far away Sonic's area is, to not be able to see this happening), Shadow magically gets over his "destructive anger" and goes to Radical Highway one last time for the epic final boss.

And it certainly is epic, I can't deny that. A massive technical improvement over the first fight against Devil Doom, and I'm not about to sit here and act like the wings aren't cool. But I can't say it feels very rewarding, since I never really understood what was going on and Shadow didn't really struggle that much to get to this point. Not to mention, he's still acting all high and mighty during boss fights, which makes it feel stale really quickly. Black Doom isn't really that interesting by himself, so Shadow kinda needed to carry that fight, but no, it's just more of the same.

One last point before I wrap this up:

Where was Emerl???

Correct me if I'm wrong, but a promo animation for a game should, in theory, provide you some idea as to what kind of things to expect in the game itself. While a lot of them take their share of creative liberties, I don't think they're in the habit of putting spotlight on entire characters who never appear in the game at all.

This is THE GAME where we bring back the people from Shadow's past that he's lost, and Emerl most certainly qualifies. He's from the more recent past, yes, but Shadow still cared about him and absolutely would have been affected by his death. There's no way that, had he been in the story, Shadow wouldn't have been determined to save him as well. But no, he's just there to be a cool lore detail in Gerald's journal.

Which means this is yet another depiction of Emerl where we refuse to acknowledge his personality. Do they seriously think Emerl is more interesting as an emotionless killing machine that Gerald researched in his spare time? Where's the fun-loving kid who mimicked everyone around him, splicing things he heard them say together to communicate and creating funny tonal whiplash? Where's the robot with the soul that Gerald gave him, that was nurtured by Sonic and his friends?

Not in this game, apparently! They went out of their way to canonize Battle and still managed to treat it with zero respect. Kind of impressive, really, and just another footnote in the trend of this game not actually caring to do anything with Shadow's past.

There are definitely moments in this game that I like, but that's kind of all they are: moments. The game's total cutscene runtime is around 30 minutes, and that means there's not enough time in any of them to get anything done. A scene that's good in isolation is tainted by the fact that it's all there is.

And it's just... so baffling to me. There are so, so many points in this game where you could have fit additional cutscenes in. We could have had one after each act, or at least after each level. Give us more cutscenes after activating things in the hub world or something. I mean, a game that claims to be this story-driven doesn't usually need an excuse to throw cutscenes at you, and they certainly didn't need to force each scene to be so unbelievably short.

If they really needed to downsize on cutscene length for some reason, then maybe they should have just made a less ambitious story. The game wants to do so many things at once, but it doesn't have the time to do any of those things justice. We could have gotten a short, sweet, well-done little story, but instead we get a story that easily needed at least two hours to tell crunched into a measly 30 minutes.

I mean, Dark Beginnings in its entirety is half the length of the full game. Think about that for a second.

This game's story was supposed to be something, man. It's getting so much praise for what feels to me like the bare bones structure of a story, and it's frustrating because I know this series can do better. The writer of this game can do better, and I know that because I've read his other Sonic material and it feels much more complete than this does.

I was genuinely looking forward to this game, is the thing. I really didn't think it would be this lackluster, because like I said at the beginning of this post, it had everything in the world going for it. But no matter how nice it feels to have a Shadow who isn't wildly out of character for once, that alone can't carry an entire story.

Shadow Generations is a mess of good ideas executed in the least interesting, most nothing way possible. Its only real saving grace is its animation, and the fact that Shadow generally feels like himself.

Except for when he's talking to Sonic. What the heck happened when he was talking to Sonic

[likeabxrdinflight]

Naturally I have a lot of thoughts about Azula's role in the live action adaptation. I'd say about 95% of them are positive thoughts.

First of all, I love that she is this baby-faced, squishy-cheeked kid (I know her actress is a little older than the character but that's okay.) At Elizabeth Yu's age, I also easily passed for 14-15, she just has a young-looking face and clearly hasn't lost all her baby fat. And that is perfect, actually. I've criticized the sharpness and angularity of the animated Azula many times over, she has always looked far too old for her canonical age. I've said it before and I'll say it again- it's a problem that so many people watched the original cartoon and thought Azula was older than Zuko. I can't even blame them for it, she's drawn to look 20 or older. So it is wonderful to see a version of Azula who looks closer to her canonical age. I think it really drives home the point.

That said, this Azula is definitely different than her animated counterpart in other ways. The animated Azula was (almost) always perfectly in control. She could become angry and snap at people- but it was fairly rare, Azula always seemed the image of perfect calm, control, and precision. She was deadly precisely because she was so cool and collected and did not get easily rankled. This was also part of what made her breakdown so shocking.

The thing is, the breakdown is not especially foreshadowed prior to season three. There are a few moments that show the chinks in Azula's armor, but most of them don't come until "The Beach," and then after Mai and Ty Lee's betrayal. I've always believed that betrayal was the real inciting incident for her eventual psychotic break- I've argued before that it sent Azula into what's called a prodromal state, which is like a sort of "pre-psychosis."

More on the animated version's mental state here

Point being, there's really only one instance in season two that suggests any flaws to Azula's cool exterior, and it's one of her very first scenes. You know the one: "almost isn't good enough." It makes for a very subtle build-up to the breakdown and her eventual fall. But it comes at the cost of depicting her predominantly as a capital-V Villain prior to it. You're not really supposed to sympathize with Azula until "The Beach," arguably not until "Into the Inferno." For most of the animated show's run, you're supposed to find her scary and threatening.

And this is done effectively- almost too effectively. She's an obvious foil to Zuko, and serves as such a good primary antagonist that they had to neutralize her in the finale by giving her the breakdown. It's like they knew there was no way a healthy Azula was going to be beatable during Sozin's Comet. She appeared to be an effortlessly talented fire bender, a brilliant strategist, and a more dangerous opponent than even Ozai.

Live action Azula does not have this same feeling to her. There is still something "scary" about her- we see her watching people being burned alive with little to no reaction, and her face is quite blank at Zuko's Agni Kai. She's still cunning and still willing to manipulate things to her advantage- we see this in how she plays Zhao. So if this version gets a season two I have no doubt that this Azula will still serve as a dangerous antagonist to the Gaang and I don't doubt this is still an Azula capable of bringing down Ba Sing Se.

But she's not quite the calm, collected character she first seemed in the animated version. This Azula is a little less hinged. She has more moments of snapping and losing some of that perfect control. She's more frustrated and feels more at the mercy of her father. She reads far more like the Azula we saw in "The Phoenix King," the one who talked back and protested that her father couldn't treat her like Zuko. That Azula, however, was about one bad night's sleep away from a psychotic break. This Azula, presumably, isn't there yet.

I can agree that something of her original character gets lost when you essentially start foreshadowing the breakdown from the jump. It's not gonna be a surprise to any new audiences. She's not gonna be quite the same. But it does humanize her much sooner than the original show did, and it asks the audience to consider her circumstances from the jump- is this a sympathetic character or not? I obviously think she is in the original, and I do think in the end she was meant to be. But it's much more of a debate. The live action show unequivocally says "yes" and does not make it a debate at all.

I'd be tempted to say it's not trusting the audience to read between the lines, but given all the Azula discourse...they might be right to take this more direct approach.

Anyways. Live action Azula also feels more like a real teenager. She's petty, she's irritable, she's desperate to remain in her father's favor and beat her brother in the artificial competition her father has set up between them and will go to any lengths to do so- lengths she probably wouldn't have in the cartoon. She has a strong drive to prove herself and to protect the image she constructs about herself as the "perfect daughter." But that image also feels far more fragile than it did in the animated version.

This Azula doesn't say that "almost [perfect] isn't good enough." She says that "it [perfect] isn't good enough." It's a subtle but meaningful difference.

(Side note- I think the reason this Azula is fine shooting lightning in the direction of her father, seemingly in defiance of his orders, is a direct result of the change to the Agni Kai- she watched as Ozai berated and burned Zuko for not giving him his all, versus in the original where Zuko's sin was in not fighting back period. So here she's showing Ozai her "all", she's giving him everything she has to prove she's capable of doing more than Zuko running drills and smoking out resistance rings.)

I like this change. I like this more desperate, more grounded take on Azula. She feels like a real girl in a horrendous home environment. This Azula was raised in a family where it's expected you be cool with setting people on fire in the throne room and where there's a tangible symbol of Daddy's love sitting beneath him at all times. This Azula was forged in the fires of competition and manipulation that's more subtle than the animated Ozai ever seemed capable of. (More on Ozai later, but he's a much more subtle character than his animated counterpart despite still being...pretty blatantly Evil). So I think it makes sense that she's not quite as calm and controlled and perfect as the animated version.

I don't know yet which version I'll prefer when all is said and done- she was ultimately a minor role in this season. Animated Azula is iconic and always will be, but there's a lot I've always been critical of about how she was depicted in the original show. I think a lot of us that love and empathize with Azula do so despite the way she was written, not because of it. This version might change things a little.

But it also might make it seem infinitely more cruel if she isn't given some kind of redemptive ending (or at least one that implies some hope for her.) The bleak ending of the original show might feel really bad for this more sympathetic version of Azula. So if they stick with that...I dunno. It could hit or miss.

For now, I like what I'm seeing. And Elizabeth Yu understood the assignment.

[amphiptere-art]

I am not happy about the new toothless design. I am going to call him dorkless. Because what the fuck is this.

He looks like a flat-skinned scaleless thing. I don't care if the lighting can make him look prettier. He still looks like some scaleless, elephantine, flat-faced something.

I'm supposed to be comparing these two and I'm sorry. The fucking cartoon looks more realistic than whatever the hell that thing is.

There is something wrong here.

Yes toothless has realistic skin or whatever. Yes he's got defined muscles or something. But in this weird fashion. Toothless looks two cartoony for this realistic movie.

And it's not that I'm wigging out about the fact that just toothless looks weird. Or that the other dragons probably look just as weird. I think the other dragons actually have redesigns!!

These pictures are of course very blurry and hard to read. Mostly because this entire scene goes by so fucking fast. But these are images of what I believe are a Monstrous Nightmare, Nadder, Terrible Terror, and Zippleback. And all of these designs look new.

The Monstrous Nightmare doesn't have ridiculously skinny proportions. The Nadder looks a bit more parrot-like. The Terrible Terror I barely recognized. And the Zippleback definitely has a much different and more defined face. It's not like they couldn't go through the effort.

Toothless's design is already the most realistic out of the cartoon depictions. But it is still a cartoon depiction. Parts of his body are supposed to be made to be stretched and squished. His face is a cartoonistic over expression fest. And yet I feel like they did nothing to the previous model. It feels like a copy and paste.

Like they clearly done something but it's just not enough something. Removing away a cartoonistic way of walking doesn't make a design anymore or less cartoonistic. Not only does it feel like they removed half of what made toothless look like toothless. Which for me is his back spikes and his emotive "ears". They seem to have sticked so close to the original model that it looks off in some scenes.

There are certain steps for realistic stuff that can be taken. But I feel like they've taken the steps wrong for toothless. Especially if the other dragons are redesigned. Toothless is going to actually look out of place among the others. Which while toothless was already somewhat out of place. He wasn't out of place design wise and that's going to be bad If he is here.

In my honest opinion they need to redo the scales on his face. They are far too small. It is not impossible to have different sizes of scales across the same area. It also feels like there's some weird issue between the eye and the eyelid. They are merging together far too much. Also where the hell are his little hanging doohickeys everywhere? Not only does it feel like some of his little ear things are diminished. But his back spikes, his arm spikes, hell even his tail spikes seem to either be completely gone or reduced to a point where you can't see them. I don't care how unrealistic they are. That made up so much of toothless's personality being even able to emote with his back. Toothless looks too Barbie flat right now.

I really hate that they've settled on this weird... Scientifically more realistic, but still as emotive as a cartoon creature. Those two facts don't mix together. It leads into the uncanny valley and that's a bad place to stoop to if that's not what you're planning to do. You can't have your squatch and stretch face and yet remove all the cartoonistic qualities from the body.

I really hope we're not stuck with this toothless because the other dragons designs do look really cool. They look like a realistic redesign. And it's just toothless that looks off. I hope they can quickly throw together a new model and have the same rig. I can handle a cartoonistic face if he can get his cartoonistic traits back. Otherwise please go back. And maybe take a note from How to train your Dragon live spectacular. Which did a realistic toothless.

And even if my every definition this is a fucking puppet instead of CGI or whatever. These creative directors went through the process of trying to think what a realistic toothless would actually look like. And they don't remove any of the features that make toothless feel like toothless. So I really hope they take some notes from this spectacular's page.

Because dear God. This is not the same emotion.

[nebulacritter]

some manga i've read

I have a LOT of manga in my room, so I thought it would be cool to tell you about some of them!

Mr. Villain's Day Off

I first heard about this series when I saw its anime trailer on YouTube. Coincidentally, I found two books of the original manga in my local Barnes and Noble, so that's why I bought them! I like this series because it's a slice-of-life parody of the sentai genre, and I also appreciate the titular character's love of pandas! I even liked how each of the heroes had backstories.

Favorite Character: Mr. Villain

X-Gender

This book was a great pick because it discusses queer topics in a respectful and informative manner. It is an autobiography about the author's experiences with their gender and sexuality, and if you're wondering what "x-gender" means, it's a Japanese term for being nonbinary.

Favorite Character: N/A

Uramichi Oniisan

Oh my god. This series is HILARIOUS. All of the main characters have a dysfunctional, but harmonious dynamic when they work together on stage. Everything Uramichi does or says makes me cry and laugh at the same time.

Favorite Character: Uramichi Omota

Heaven's Design Team

This is another series that makes me laugh, and I've seen clips of the anime before getting my hands on the manga. It reminds me of those "God creating animals" memes that were popular on Twitter back in the 2010's. It's peak edutainment, and each character has a very eccentric personality!

Favorite Characters: Venus and Yokota

Kirby Manga Mania

I decided to give this one a try, because who doesn't love Kirby? The art style is bubbly and bright, and the humor goes off the walls! I find it weird how Kirby talks normally instead of going "poyo poyo" all the time.

Favorite Characters: Kirby and King Dedede

Precarious Woman Executive Miss Black General

Yeezus, that's a long title. I picked this one out because I thought the art style looked cool. It's a story about a villainess with a crush on Totally-Not-Batman. I enjoyed the slapstick and the amazing character design.

Favorite Character: N/A

Cells at Work!

Here's another edutainment anime. The depictions of each microorganism are really cool, and I liked the scenes where the cells had to fight off against nasty viruses! It even does a good job at explaining how the body works by providing bits and bobs of information throughout the panels.

Favorite Character: N/A

Little Miss P

I've never seen a manga that talks about periods before, and I'm glad it exists. This book is relatable because I hate it when my period arrives, but I understand getting your period is normal. I'm quite fond of the messy art style, too.

Favorite Characters: N/A

Merman in My Tub

I remember cheerily reblogging and liking posts about it last year, and I still love it to this day! All of the characters have vibrant personalities, and I really like the designs of each merman. This series is light-hearted and goofy, so that's why I think it's awesome.

Favorite Characters: Agari and Echizen

I'm gonna make two more parts later on. The second one will be about cats, and the third one will be about horror.

[boinin]

Episode 2 was mostly what I expected in terms of action (i.e. rough). Although they're skimping on animating and relying on CGI for running shots like in season 1, 8bit seem to have focused their efforts on the individual character moments. I can get behind that, even if the animation feels hurried and even static. It does look better than season 1 generally, although I think they're skimping even more on rendering motion.

To get it out of the way, things I didn't like were:

Them slapping a ripple filter over a JPEG of Isagi anytime he's thinking. Stahhhp.

The Chigiri running scene 😭 I'm sorry bbygirl. Like, his lines were well acted and the close ups on his face were... OK? But the uncanny valley CGI really soured it for me. The one thing I liked was how they shaded Karasu pink afterwards to show his attention being caught.

How often the character close ups themselves were just static panning shots with minimal animation—just lip flaps, let's be real. I think Rin's hair got to move favouritism, but the rest had little else of note.

Now, the things I did like—which there were a lot more of:

I want to put Hiori in my pocket and carry him around. He's so damn cute, and I like how he's voiced. Very soft and gentle.

Team Kindness in general—the "feeling fruity" scene wasn't well localised in the sub, but eh... it wasn't in the manga either. Nanase might as well have walked out of my head—he's exactly as I imagined him in terms of voice and enthusiasm. The way they depicted Isagi's relief and thoughts of Ego/Barou/Rin was funny, not to mention him calling it the gentle parallel world.

They've nailed Karasu, in terms of vibe, acting and playstyle. Predicting a bump in Karasagi works after this episode and in his popularity generally. His dynamic with Otoya feels genuine, even without much context.

Shidou. Like. What can I say? We all knew Nakamura-san (the voice actor, famously Gojo from JJK) was going to run riot with him. His goal scene was excellent, with some really cool new music... and they gave him a weird, whimpery came-in-his-pants moment after. 🫡 10/10 no notes. Can't wait to see the anime's take on his other scenes. The lil graphic of Kunigami being obliterated by pink was also nice 🥲

Rin's goal was really cool, I liked how they depicted his technique.

The Additional Time is an adaptation of the volume 12 omake—it was fun to see animated, particularly Chigiri's reaction to his space cadet teammates. Bar one other omake (volume 13) that might get adapted around episode 3 or 4, it's likely the rest of the Additional Times will be anime original OR lifted from the manga itself, since the remaining omake for the U20 arc aren't scene-based.

The episode was well paced too—the first episode felt rushed, but I suppose they wanted to get into the action rather than dwell on exposition. I suspect next week, we'll get the resolution to this match and a rundown of what happens with the other teams.

[randomnameless]

More artbook stuff!

Dev notes under the profiles of Aubin, Bruno, Mordon, Berenice, Adel and Travis!

Exposed arms gives "wild" point?

Aubin being from the desert wasn't a definite point, but one that was cemented later on ? I really liked how he recruited/noticed Magellan wasn't himself lol, but as far as "axe guys" go, I really appreciated the fact that Aubin's "reliability" was depicted at first with him willing to throw down his life to let his men escape (something that is alluded to in his Jeremy rapport!) and, on promotion, he gets a shield which, idk, but imo gives him a more "commanding" type than your regular, say, FE axe guys.

Aubin's a nice guy and a nice unit all things considered, and I'm glad the devs really wanted to make him a "reliable" type of guy, especially since he's the first (iirc?) guy you can recruit instead of execute (at least plot wise, Alain decides to hire him instead of killing him!)

Talking about traditional axe guys...

Here's Bruno! Designed to be the Pirate Boss 1.1, but ultimately promoted to playable unit!

I can't say much about his face - even if his large character portrait zooms a bit on it.

Selvie seriously studying his "gluteus maximus" was a bit of a joke rapport convo, but it was fun ngl, Sharon's was the usual "giant brigand with a heart of gold", but fwiw, I prefered his conversations with the Tricorns, both Travis were they come to terms with the fact Travis dumped him to look after his sister, and with Berengaria with Bruno wanting to recreate their bandit/brigand group (which they do, even if Berengaria marries Alain!).

As for his VA, I noticed how possessed!Bruno sounded more composed and articulate that the non possessed one lol (cluing us on a second PT that yep, this isn't the regular Bruno talking) but I won't lie, hearing his seiyuu give his all during the various attacking phases was also a big reason why I didn't bench him lol. And that scene where he joins is really something, you can hear how hurt/upset he is/was when Travis left the group, I agree with the comment, that scene was cool.

Mordon!

"Reborn" ? Was he supposed to die in the original scenario? Poor guy lol.

Even if he might only have been saved to make the Norbelle route available with, uhh, minimum grinding (I say available, not doable since you'd need a lot of grinding to be able to defeat her and get the end of her story lol), I'm also glad he was added!

"Beer-filled belly" lol, while I've read around that some people disliked his character because alcoholism shouldn't be laughed at or something, imo it's obvious the devs went with the "jolly old man" trope, acting sometimes as a mentor, sometimes as a drinking buddy (and the reason why we got to see drunk!Eltrinde).

Cute that the town girl who appears in his ending was retrospectively named, even if she appears twice in the game, maybe to help refocus Mordon's character on someone who, first and foremost, is happy to help people around?

(as long as there is money or booze, he says)

Berenice time!

"tough, strong and cool" women are really something we see mentionned around, and the secret between Berenice's thighs is revealed, much like Mario's mustache!

There's not a lot of notes about Berenice, but fwiw, I really like her interactions with the Clive/Adel duo, and even to some extent, with Gary.

In an era where "strong, no-nonsense women" are supposed to be brutes or look down on people, Berenice being friendly with her pals but still reckoned as a powerhouse with her own feelings about chivalry and helping her comrades was a welcomed breath of fresh hair, even down to her weakness with horses : while it could have been designed as a moe point, it's later explained and revealed that it's a detail that has to do with her standing (rather lack of).

And I also totally don't like her because her Bastard Cross animation is some shit straight up from GBAFE where the Hero critical animation also throws their shield to slice people.

Nope!

Adel and Clive, UO's christmas knights lol

Adel's being a mood maker really shined in Clive and Monica's second rapport convo lol, but I agree with the devs, I hope they'll continue on spending time together (for drinks?) in their later life.

Fun fact, in this artbook's cover, we can see Monica dragging Clive away from Berenice and Adel sharing a drink ^^

For a mood maker, he still has his "serious" moment when he and Clive try to guess who is the "very mysterious" knight Laurent, and in his recruitment chapter not wishing to fight his previous comrades and trying to talk/sway them to Alain's cause.

I wonder if Travis being designed as a "cute guy" influenced his maiden convo lol

i'm half wondering if every drakengard noble is a twink, no wonders why Gloucester worries and believes he can't be an aristocrat

All jokes aside, Travis having an aristocratic/noble background wasn't something I guessed from his design, but as the devs intended, from his various mentions of reading and his love of books.

Coming from another fandom where some devoted people keep on harping about feudalism when the entire playable cast goes to school and has no issue with literacy - save for one specific character - Travis, and thus Fevrith's take on literacy is also, a breath of fresh hair.

I also love the progression of his relationship with his sister, and how it ends with them being together in a non jugdralian way at the end of the war like they promised to at the end of their character arc

(unless Travis marries Alain?)

The only thing I'm a bit miffed on with him is how he is a Drakengardian character while his background doesn't make any sense in the Drakengard arc, like, assuming his dad (who was the royal master at arms! Berengaria was invited to royal ceremonies) died when Soldraga fell, how come he never mentions to Alain that, indeed, his cousin has been living in Drakengard for the past decade, and since the castle fell, she's most likely been in hiding? Joseph's all "we just heard rumours Virginia's been spotted in Drakengard!" when Travis, as Count Zechshelm's son, could have told him since day 1.

Still, he is redeemed imo for being the only loser fooled by Ludwig's "perfect disguise" lol

and immediately loses points because ffs why must he tank things with his face when enemies have under 5% of chances of hitting - which means OHKO - him???? Damn the dodgetanks units!

[definitely-not-captain-america]

Spoilers for the first episode "Aang" of the live action ATLA under the cut. I'll always put spoilers under the cut so as to not ruin it for anyone who has a life and hasn't seen it yet

Content warning for depictions of fantasy violence and death.

I think the animated series starting with Katara and Sokka was a good choice, but I like this one starting with Aang in his original time. It's cool to see the air temples full of people, and Aang is better humanized beyond the "goofy 12 year old who never takes anything seriously," which is partly true but not fully accurate to his character.

The genocide happens so early on so it's impossible to not talk about that right away too. We literally watch firebenders burn airbenders alive, so there's that. I do have mixed feelings about the genocide. On the one hand, I think it's a little tasteless showing it, especially the amount of people who will watch it, sympathize with it, but then not do a thing to support the genocide in Palestine right now. At the same time, I think it's important to show it. It shouldn't be an easy topic, it's supposed to be devastating and horrifying and I think the scene was the right amount of graphic for that. Not to mention the allusion of Sozin killing those kids after he killed Gyatso.

Like others have said, I don't really agree with them cutting out Sokka's sexism. It was a major growth in character for him, and it's important to show young men growing up from things like sexism and maturing and apologizing after you're proven wrong. Still, the casting is incredible so far and all the actors definitely feel like their characters, so that's good too.

Onto Zuko and Iroh (I'm literally writing all this as I watch the episode). I see people say Zuko's scar should've been a lot uglier, for lack of a better word, and I agree. It's small, it doesn't look like it has much texture, and his eyebrow is still there. It's a burn scar, and burn scars never really look pretty in the nice, aesthetic way they made it in the live action. Of course, animated Zuko was always hot, but for the scar to be a point of shame that the audience can really understand, I think it should've looked worse. (Sorry for my brusque language. I don't mean to say that burn victims are ugly and horribly disfigured. Zuko's scar is just so far from a burn scar that it's mostly just aesthetic in the live action.)

Also, and it's so early in the show, but so far Iroh has a bit of a tough love thing going on and I kind of like it. We all love the gentle, tea-loving, proverb-using old man who probably-definitely committed war crimes but is now a big softie who regrets his actions, but I kinda like what may be happening here.

Their village in the South Pole is beautiful, and I'm glad they have more than just like 12 people living there. It's still obvious that all the men went off to war, and I always kinda hated how empty the village was. Plus, like I said, it's still really pretty, so we get to see how there was a culture there that's been somewhat lost.

I love Aang and Katara's conversation about them growing up fast. I think it's a little easy to forget how young everyone is in the animated series — everyone who's not Aang anyway, because even sixteen/seventeen is very young and we can forget that when everyone is drawn to be muscled and attractive and without any real baby fat.

I don't really like how Appa looks, but I typically hate all CGI animals because their fur always looks weird. He isn't terrible, it's just a serious case of uncanny valley for me so it's just not my thing.

I kinda like that Katara goes off to the ship on her own before Aang. We get her gentleness and a lot of her uncertainty, but we also see her conviction and the fact that she'll do whatever she wants if she believes it's for the right reason.

Right along those lines, I really love how evident Sokka's role as the child soldier/child leader is. Katara mentioned that he was told to watch the village since he was 13, and he's doing what he can. He has no idea what's right, he's just doing everything he can to hold things together and keep people safe. Aang calling him the bravest person he's ever met was so wonderful and exactly the validation Sokka needed to hear but probably never did. It also helped him come to his decision to help Aang, which was awesome.

I also love the reckless abandon we see with Zuko and the other firebenders. Sozin entered the Fire Nation into a world of divine right and basically the American Dream of conquering and doing whatever you want because they're in charge, they have the right, so they can. I also love the slight juxtaposition of Aang and Iroh's short encounter where Aang asks why the war was started. I just really like all the character interactions so far.

We also really get to see Zuko being young. His desperation when Aang escapes, the anger and fear he experiences. It's all very realistic and I'm glad we get more of that in this one.

I can't quite figure out if I like the costumes and the setting a lot. I don't like CGI heavy movies because they never look real or good to me, which is something I care about. I'm also not a good judge of whether CGI is good or not. I end up comparing everything to Narnia or Babe the Pig, both of which were pretty incredible, and nothing has been to those standards since.

In that same vein, I can't tell if I like the bending or not. It's not terrible, but the hand movements always look a little off to what ends up happening (which, I understand why, I just think it could been a little cleaner). Though that's probably just a byproduct of this being a live action, and the animated will always be better for bending. That earthbender in the beginning just took so long to earthbend, and I've always appreciated that earthbending is like, the heaviest and there's a lot more force that goes into it, but he was taking too long for me.

I 100% love this cast. So far they've all been very true to their characters while also being slightly new interpretations, which I like. I can't wait to see how they develop throughout the show, especially Katara, who I think goes through the most amount of growth in the show in a fairly short amount of time. Aang is still playful but also a bit more grown up, Sokka is still sarcastic but also focused on being a leader, Zuko is young and scared and angry and desperate to prove himself. I'm really happy with this actually, because it'll be easier for me to forgive the parts I don't like because these actors are so good.

That was very ramshackle and haphazardly thrown together. Oh well. This is starting out better than I expected and I'm excited for that.

[skeletonpunching]

Buddy Daddies animation director interview

Interview with Sako Soichiro (character design and chief animation director)

Interviewer: Enami Katsumi-san was in charge of the original character drafts for "Buddy Daddies", but they had to be redesigned for the purposes of animation. What did you pay particular attention to at that time?

Sako: Enami-san is a prolific illustrator, and I was familiar with his style; I wanted to bring out that stylish dynamism which is both cool and endearing. And on top of that, the series has a strong comedic element, so I aimed to maintain the original coolness and charm while simplifying the designs for a comedy anime, and creating room to play around with them as much as possible. I focused on having the expressions not be stiff - and of course, I was aware that the designs had to be very mobile and fluid, in preparation for the action scenes.

Interviewer: What did you focus on when creating the "buddy vibe" and sense of visual balance between Kurusu Kazuki and Suwa Rei?

Sako: Director Asai gave instructions that there should be a clear "contrast" between Kazuki and Rei when they were side by side, but I myself also wanted to emphasise the differences between the two. It’s not just their personalities that differ - Kazuki is a bit stocky, while Rei looks lanky and has awful posture. I aimed to bring out that disparity in their appearances. And when adding (Unasaka) Miri to the mix, if we had been true to the real proportions of a four-year-old child, her face should really have been bigger. But if so, whenever Kazuki and Rei were carrying her or holding hands with her, she would just look like she had an enormous face. (laugh) In order to avoid that, we had to tweak Miri's height and bodily proportions every episode.

Interviewer: Did Director Asai have any specific requests apart from that?

Sako: Yes, about the facial expressions. Rei's facial expressions hardly vary at all, but Miri is a carefree character whose expressions change all the time, and Kazuki, who's always fussing, also has quite dramatic reactions to things. The director told me to ensure that breadth of variation. So the series fleshed things out from the original designs, and we came up with all sorts of new expressions. Especially with Miri - basically, I just wanted to make her cute. A kid who just can't sit still and is always running around causing trouble... that's how you could describe her, but in the end, her expressions are the saving grace. "She's so cute, I'll let it slide" - that's what I was going for.

Interviewer: Was there anything you were especially mindful of throughout this process?

Sako: Naturally, I felt like I had a duty to "draw Miri cutely", but as for the buddy duo, I wanted a clear contrast between their coolness and their total hopelessness. I was very careful to keep a distinction between how I portrayed their work mode and their regular mode. That contrast is especially pronounced for Rei. He's usually slouching, which brings out a height difference between him and Kazuki, but when he's on the job, he stands up smartly, with his back perfectly straight. With such a drastic change in his appearance and bearing, even though he's still the same character, I basically drew him like a different character entirely. In the second half of the series, there are some scenes where he has his hair down in regular mode, but he's carrying around some of those work-mode feelings; in those scenes, I paid close attention to his emotional state in order to depict those fine differences.

Interviewer: This is also an action-heavy series; how did you approach the characters' motions?

Sako: There are action setpieces pretty much every episode, and of course I was determined to make those cool, but the scenes of daily life also took a surprising amount of effort. Especially for Miri - she has very few stationary cuts, or still frames where only her mouth is moving. There are lots of scenes where she's constantly in motion, or delivering lines with her entire body. Just that alone was a lot of work to animate. I guess that's what happens when you prioritise making her cute - not in a "doll-like" way, but in a way where she's free to frolic and move around, and gets away with anything because she's cute... Come to think of it, Miri was probably the one we spent the most time on. (laughs)

Interviewer: From the episodes that have aired so far, which scenes left an impression on you?

Sako: Episode 3. Rei, who doesn't emote much, becomes conscious of his role as "papa to a child" for the first time, and he displays expressions and emotional upheaval that we've never seen from him before. I had a lot of fun depicting that. Rei hadn't exactly closed off his heart, but that's the point where he starts to gradually accept Miri as family. I'm very attached to the scene where you can sense that change. The main subject of this series is "buddies parenting", and I think this is where it all really begins in earnest.

Interviewer: What do you think is the appeal of the characters in "Buddy Daddies"?

Sako: Kazuki and Rei both have rather heavy backstories, but through the process of parenting, their feelings towards Miri and the ways they treat each other change, bit by bit. And because of that growth, your impression of the characters also evolves over time, and you rapidly find yourself charmed by them. I think it's interesting to see how things build up across the episodes. In the second half, some of their emotional changes and development call for expressions that weren't included in the original character designs; I personally enjoyed drawing those.

Interviewer: And what are your thoughts on Kazuki and Rei respectively?

Sako: It's just plain fun drawing Rei in action. Even apart from his facial expressions, there's so much you can convey from his movements. Rei's personal drama is a key ingredient in the last part of the show, so I wanted to portray his coolness in an appealing way. I think Kazuki is essentially a forward-looking character, but he's also a little aloof; I like how he's caring but not naive. He's not just a character with big exaggerated reactions - there are some darker shadows in his past, and that sense of loneliness you get from him is very compelling. I wanted to depict those subtle nuances in his expressions.

Interviewer: So, do you have a personal favourite character?

Sako: If we count the minor characters - there are some characters I got to design myself, but they're all the mean-looking old men in the assassin trade. (laughs) I had quite a lot of fun designing them. I really love Enami-san's more understated characters, so I wanted to incorporate some of that sensibility into my work... I figured that the protagonists are always flailing around in a slapstick way, so what happens if we cram in a whole bunch of serious old men too? There are some vicious characters, but I think their inclusion in a comedy-flavoured series increases the tension and raises the stakes in a good way. In that sense, I really feel like this is a remarkable series where the characters cover a whole spectrum of tones.

Interviewer: Please tell us what you think are the selling points of this series "Buddy Daddies".

Sako: Enami-san's characters are very charming, but as an animator, I'd also like to give a shoutout to the wonderful colour design and background artwork. The colourists produced all sorts of palettes, and the art department created incredibly stylish and tasteful backgrounds; it really enhances the overall appeal of the series. Also, it's a minor detail, but I think the fact that Kazuki's meals look so delicious is all thanks to the production staff's hard work.

Interviewer: Finally, please give a message to everyone who is looking forward to the rest of this series.

Sako: It's probably being watched both by actual parents and by people who have never parented, and my guess is that each person is finding something different to relate to. I think it might be fun to rewatch the series from that perspective - imagining what it would be like if you were a parent. The story goes through ups and downs, and I hope you're excited to find out how it all wraps up. Please do watch to the very end.

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: SNOW POKEY

Debut: Super Mario 3D World

Usually we do not write the name of the character in all capitals in the beginning of the post. But I am just so excited about Snow Pokey! A few days ago, the little creature in my brain knocked on the door and said, “Hey! Snow Pokey?” And yeah! I have never agreed with something so much!

Snow Pokey is a perfect design! Literally nothing could make this better. Maybe black dot buttons on the body segments would be cute, but the mouth is already a black dot, so it would make things a little weird! So, Snokey is a snowman Pokey, of course, a concept that lends itself to the body plan BETTER than the original. Big snowballs are made to be stacked! Its body segments have ice spikes, which is perfect, so perfect that it baffles me when those spikes are depicted as just snow. That would not be painful! I have not personally been stabbed by snow, but I do not believe it would be painful or possible. I sincerely apologize if it has ever happened to you.

Enough rambling about that though! It is time for the best part, Snow Pokey’s darling head and face! It has the cool white-pupiled eyes of regular Pokeys, but instead of their smile, a cute surprised expression, and of course, a carrot nose! The cherry on top of the cutie pie a la mode is the bucket it wears as an off-center hat! The go-to hat for Japanese snowmen, rather than a top hat. It is not only more casual, but more implies it is not exactly a natural creature, but one intentionally created! Who created it? I don’t know, but I will kiss them on the mouth.

Since it is alive, I can only assume there is some Magic involved here. Maybe the bucket granted it life, maybe a wizard did, maybe a Christmas miracle did! Maybe it was a wish made by the carrot, its one organic component. Being made of snow, these can’t be BIOLOGICALLY related to standard Pokeys, but maybe this is snow being inhabited by the soul of a Pokey! A Pokey who always wanted a nose, and is constantly in awe at all the scents the world has to offer!

Snocchi replaces Pokeys in the snow themes of Super Mario Maker 2, and that means we get to see it in three new styles, for which they made entirely new designs! What a treat! In Super Mario Bros., they wear yellow hard hats, perhaps for protection during a snowball fight, and have a big, cheeky smile! In Super Mario Bros. 3, they now have a red knit cap, which seems counterintuitive for a snow creature, like a sun wearing sunglasses, but it is really all about style. This one has a simple little smile, it’s just happy! Finally, in Super Mario World, Snow Pokey is VERY happy, no doubt because of its new hat! This one has a pompom! I like to think this is the same one from SMB3, but someone very kindly enhanced it. Snow Pokey wanted a pompom hat, but it did love its plain knit hat dearly, and now it gets to have both!

Snow Pokey appears in the art for December 2017′s LINE calendar, and what a cozy scene this is! Oh, to be so cozy in a warm snow house with some funny friends both inside and outside! Even if it wants to stay cold and you want to stay warm, you are never too far from each other! Also, this one is so small. Baby!

Finally, good news! There is a toy of Snow Pokey! It is real in our world! It is physically among us! I love Snow Pokey so dearly!

[literalite]

I remember you saying you liked young justice so I wanted to know who's your favourite character or the one you think is most like you? I've been attached by the hip to this show since I was 13 so I'm a little... not normal about it lol.

also opinions on s3?

YES oh my god it was like formative media for me genuinely and i still love yj dearly i was rewatching it like last month actually along with yaboyroshi's reactions to it 😅 we are both a little not normal about this show dw 🤝🏼 im putting the rest of this under a cut because i start Yapping

my fave characters were dick, artemis, jaime, bart, and zatanna! dick i was Obsessed with from the moment i laid eyes on him in hindsight for gender reasons, probably but artemis always meant a huge deal to me as a kid because she was like the only vietnamese character (and with a skintone like mine!) that i'd ever seen on a screen. i loved everything about jaime's character and personality and arc and i had a really soft spot for bart because characters who are very outwardly upbeat and fun but are going through a lot of shit and hiding it are my favourites ever usually 😅. i also liked rlly them as a duo. zatanna's sort of cool-girl sass was always really fun to see and i think especially in s4 where her sort of less-rigid morality had more room to shine, really made me appreciate her character more. OH also when they introduced cassandra wu-san/orphan in s3 i like literally cheered out loud 😭 shes one of my fave characters from dc comics in general, so i was already biased towards her and i really liked her depiction and the room they made for her arc

i'm actually not sure which character is the most like me... i think because i watched it so young a lot of the characters kind of made their way into my personality in one way or another. i think irl im most like dick but it could be wishful thinking 😅 i'm not as cool as he is for sure

season three.... i'm kind of on the fence about it? i will say though i think it was a little rough with the dialogue especially, and i definitely didn't bond as well with the outsiders as i did with the original team and then the s2 cast. violet was the most likeable of the group by far but i think i was really put off by the fact that they kept killing them 💀 like i get that you guys can do this now with the higher rating but there are better ways to show off your newfound creative freedom than repeatedly brutally killing them. it was offset with the majority of the other characters suffering from basically no visible injuries too- if they'd been hit with bruises or scrapes or broken bones or ANYTHING and reduced the harm dealt to vi then i would've been less urgh by it.

i also wish they'd introduced victor a bit earlier into the season instead of spending sooo much time with brion because cyborg's story felt a little tacked on at the end, and um i was annoyed by brion from the jump 😭😭 tried so hard to sympathise with him because to be fair he went through a Lot but he just kept being such an aggressive ass to like everyone. which i guess was the point.. didn't make it any more fun to watch though.

i do like that they kept with the huge mass of entangled threads of the plot that were to me the hallmarks of the earlier seasons, picking apart scenes to try and work out how things interconnect was always my favourite part. i think the cast of the show at this point for what they were trying to do and focus on may have exceeded the show's bounds though- it was still a compelling narrative but i imagine for a casual watcher who isnt as meticulously invested in who is who and can recognise adaptations of arcs from the comics it can get very confusing or frustrating. its hard because i Love the og cast too but i think with s3 they couldn't decide on letting them go or letting their new characters shine and it ended up muddying the waters a bit, with the outsiders suffering the most from it due to no nostalgia or prior narrative heft to keep them from looking secondary to the original members of the team.

with s4 they chose to throw their lot behind the old team, which i appreciated and it neatened the rough edges of the show more, but i do still miss the s2 cast quite badly so i actually kind of wish they'd kept expanding the cast but just narrowed focus onto the new characters for every season. the title of the show is young justice, so i personally would've liked to keep seeing a focus on the newer and rising heroes of each successive generation as opposed to returning again and again to the originals

sorry that this is such a wall of text 😅 but i think this is one of the shows that i could genuinely just like sit and talk about for ages and ages... even the characters i dont like at all have a fair amount of gravity and heft to them that i love. wally is still alive btw i will never stop believing 😤 get that man out of the speed force!

[antirepurp]

ok. microwaving my brain to organize thoughts abt the dark beginnings animations mostly in how they portray shadow and maria on the ark. rouge and omega were cool too but not a priority here

i don't think im a fan of how... post-sa2 shadow is acting in these, in scenes that supposedly took place 50 years ago. from what i can tell though what we see of it is supposed to be through the perspective of shadow, as reminiscence or nightmares colored by the retrospect, which is a huge fucking relief unless they fuck that up later somehow. as long as the veil of retrospect surrounds those flashbacks everything is more or less fine; shadow can know about him being made out of black arms, he can have some violent angst about his purpose, act less unsure in general, because the shadow in those scenes would effectively be shadow from the present day, not the shadow that actually lived in those moments

that said if we take everything here at face-value it slots pretty terribly in with sa2 i'd say, which is pretty bad since that game is the Basis for shadow as a character. like the shadow in the flashbacks of sa2 was far less. aggressive even? prone to lashing out? he explicitly did not know his own purpose for a while, which in turn leads me to believe he probably was not involved in research the way dark beginnings implies he was. also that would give us Objective Depictions of Maria which sucks to me specifically but you know

there's also the matter of shadow's amnesia in heroes and shadow 05. i actually think that if all we see in the memories is subjective things work out in a really cool manner; everything here is painted from things shadow learned in retrospect about his early life and ARK. everything we see is things he has slotted in to a narrative scraped together from what remains, whether those remains are other people's subjective memories, documentation of the ARK and project shadow, or the state of the ARK in the present day. shadow could not remember what he was like 50 years ago - he slots in the version of himself he does know. he doesn't remember what maria was like - he replaces her with what other people have said she was like. he learns he's made of aliens - now there's aliens on the ARK. the original script is lost to time and he's forced to write a new one from what remains, which leads to inconsistencies, an obsessive knowledge of how much time must pass between each event, the birth of moments he wishes would have happened and that he can make real if he just believes in them hard enough.

if sega isn't a coward they will leave things ambiguous. we can have the cake and eat it too. they will succeed in creating something remarkably cool with shadow and the so-far questionable state of how much he remembers anymore. i am however terrified that im going to discover that the cake im having is filled with shit because no one at sega has realized the narrative potential in this character and his fucked up history