#also this tour has meant seeing my favourite band in the world for a second time after a 7 year dry spell

[josephtrohman]

i feel so emotional. like to think i could have easily stayed out of my fob phase and off tumblr like i had been for 4 years, but coming back to both last year was so special and being here again has SOOO much has felt like coming back home during this tour. i love u all and i love fall out boy forever ❤️

[thepriceofbeingaroseisloneliness]

GIGS No519 Interview Toshiya [Bass]

Despite the hidden gimmick elements in the new single “Oboro”, which brings to the fore “simplicity” and “clearness”, Toshiya’s bass sound has a strong presence. With his words, we are going to start the second half of the solo interviews.

“[Oboro] is a song that holds both DIR EN GREY’s essence and novelty. For me, rather than that uniqueness and novelty, I felt this is going to be the core song of the album.”

Notes before reading: This is Toshiya’s solo interview from GIGS No519 June issue released on April 27th. 

You can buy the magazine at Amazon Japan.  Feel free to correct me if you spot any mistakes or any confusing parts. Links or credits to this post when the content is reposted or captured in other SNS is appreciated :) ----------------- *Toshiya’s interview comes after Kaoru’s, Die’s and an analysis of the latest gear, that’s why in the introduction of his interview the “second half” of the solo interviews is mentioned.* Text by Yukinobu Hasegawa Photos by Reishi Eguma. -You were already composing and arranging songs for the new album and from that, “Oboro” was first announced as a single. What kind of mindset did you have when you tried to move on to the next album from the previous one “The Insulated World”,released in 2018? T: At the beginning, I didn’t have any specific image of the album as a whole. -I think you want that (image) to appear naturally while you are doing the creation work. T: That’s right but as I feel like I’m always making songs, whenever I start, I only have the mindset of “let’s make something good”. -The songs you composed (from early stage) have not been released to the world yet but, what kind of songs did you make? T: Surprisingly, simple songs. Not very detailed. But I think it depends on the song. I started writing songs thinking I wanted to make something different from the previous DIR EN GREY, but there were some parts that seemed too different for me. So, I feel like I'm still searching for the direction of them. -Looking back at the various songs that you’ve made in the past, I feel like you tend to prefer an avant-garde* approach. So, I was a little surprised when you told me you were working on a simple song.

* Avant-garde is a tend for music that  sounds nothing like the music we're accustomed to, experimental, considered to be at the forefront of innovation. T: Ah, I see. But basically, I think I'm a simple person. I've made songs that feel avant-garde but it’s just that such songs were easy to be accepted/used (by the band). I don't know the specific reason, but I think it's probably because the range of the band will be expanded. However, many of the songs I make myself are very simple. -Even if you say "simple", I think people feel differently about it. For example, Shinya also says his drum playing is “simple" but it's actually very difficult.  How does that simplicity that you mentioned feel for you? T: That's right…..I'm wondering how to describe it, but to put it simply, it may not be something very DIR EN GREY-ish. I think many of the simple songs I make are like that. -What do you think that is “DIR EN GREY-ish”? T: Our band is probably "heavy" or "intense"…. Another things that is often said (about the band) is “complexity”, I think that’s the image of the band. With that in mind, the songs I make aren't very DIR EN GREY-ish. Of course, when I write a song, I'm aware of that. -Do you dare to make something that it’s far apart from those ideas? T: It’s the other way round. I’m not trying to do something close to that, but I’m like “I have to take it in the direction of DIR EN GREY a little more". But from that point on, I started thinking, "How about getting too close?”, "It's more interesting to be in a slightly different place." Well, I might just think those things on my own (laughs). -Are the avant-garde songs born from those thoughts? I think musical input and stimulation are also important when you are composing.  In 2020, we were in a situation in which you couldn’t do many public activities but, how did you get that input during that time? T: Basically, even with this corona situation, there are some things that haven’t changed much. If I had to say something, I can spend more time on composition and production as there are no tours or live performances. Regarding the input part, it seems to have changed, but I feel like it hasn't changed. Besides, I don’t think it’s something I’m conscious about so, I haven’t changed anything in my music because of Corona. -Last year in August, “Ochita koto no aru Sora” was released in a digital format but, I think this song has a complex pattern in the development of the next step. What was in your mind when you were arranging and recording this song? T: Riffs are also the main melody of the song so I basically listened to the guitar riffs and arranged it so I could put my own play in some parts. In terms of sound making, there isn’t much change. Making in a basic way the feeling of my favourite distortion, it feels like mixing various things there. -For the past few years, you've been actively experimenting with various bass effectors every time you record, but have you tried several of these in the "Ochita koto no aru Sora" recording? T: Basically, I don’t remember which one I used anymore (laughs), but the basic system hasn’t changed, the head is an ampeg cabinet from the 70s, I think it was SWR. In the recording of the previous album "The Insulated World" the bass I used was also a dingwall one. That bass can be used for almighty (pedal). *1.A bass cabinet is the box with the speaker.   2.Ampeg is a manufacturer best known for its bass amplifiers.   3.SWR Sound Corporation is a specialist manufacturer of bass guitar       amplifiers, preamps, speaker cabinets, and acoustic guitar amplifiers.  4.  Dingwall Designer Guitars is a  canadian manufacturer of bass guitars.  5.  Almightty is driver pedal for bass.

- “Ochita koto no aru Sora” was a song with a positive message. Did you find a new direction as a band giving shape to this song?

T: There might some different aspects now but at that time, it may not have changed. I don't think we can completely overlook that, so I can't say anything about it. However, “Ochita koto no aru Sora” itself was made completely to be a single. That's why there may be new things, but surprisingly, I have a strong sense of putting out what was inside us in that way. In what way is it the opposite? Does it feel “new”?

-There are various elements, but I feel that each one is like DIR EN GREY-ish. However, it resonates very much that the lyrics leads from a negative perspective to a positive one.

T: I see. Regarding the lyrics, I think it’s a continuation of the taste of other songs we’ve done so far, but I don’t know because I haven’t asked. However, although the flow of the lyrics are not the same in content, I felt like it was written from a close place.

-The song that follow this one is the new single “Oboro”. Kaoru wrote the original melody but, what was your impression when you first listened to it?

T: I don't think it's much different from the finished form in terms of feelings. The intro had this kind of atmosphere from the beginning. I think it's a song that holds both DIR EN GREY’s essence and newness. However, I personally felt that "this is the core song in the album" rather than being unique or new. As a result, “Oboro” became a single, but at first it wasn’t written with that purpose. We suddenly talked abour releasing a single and after that, as we all agreed that it was a good song for that, we decided to choose it as a single.

-From what part of the song did you feel that it was going to be the core of the album?

T: I felt that this ballad-type atmosphere and feeling really stands out in the album. Because of that, we decided to release it as a single, but we haven't released many singles like this, so I think it made a good change.

-The fact that you feel that  a ballad with a melody  it's going to be the core of the album….does that mean that the other songs are the opposite of it? It seems to be quite an atmosphere where this amazing song was born! (laughs)

T: Well, I can't say anything about that because not all of them have come out yet (laughs). However, it's easier to make a slightly up-tempo songs, so I wonder if there are many songs like that for now. Even if I actually make a song, I don't know if it will be included in the album, so I can't really say anything about the direction of the album or the feeling of the songs. However, "Ochita koto no aru Sora" was made to become a single, so there are a lot of parts of it that hit the target. And as for "Oboro", I felt that it was meant to be release as a single, but also that it was meant to be kept for the album.

-For example, do you change the arrangements and the bass approach if it's an album song or a single song?

T: Yes, it changes. It's completely different for me if is going to be a single or if it is going to be a song for the album. Even if I make  the original melody, it’s different on how much time it takes. Singles are harder to do. You can work more relaxed if it is a  the song for the album. For singles, I feel that the part I am aiming for as a bassist is very strong at the time of elaborating the arrangement.

“If you think that everyone has slowed down in many ways, I think you can start running again. I think it's better to act than to think. So, I'm looking forward to the future.”

-Did you do a lot of trial and error in your part when you made the bass arrangement for "Oboro"?

T: It’s really a minor part. It feels like the details are boiled down when it seems to be a bass phrase like that in a rough flow. The bass in the demo of the original song had many root-playing (basic) phrases so, how to elaborate them from there? what do to with the cadence?  However, “Oboro” has a bass line that snuggles up to the song, I think this phrase has the strongest awareness of song melody.

-While focusing on that sustain-based roots playing components, some bass phrase will come up when you are doing the arrangements but won’t turn out very showy. And when it comes to the ending of the song, it will show fierceness while increasing the distortion of the sound. I felt it was a carefully selected phrasing.

T: I think it’s easier to hear it at the ending of the song, but that distortion is actually there during the whole song. Not only the ending part is distorted but also the beginning. However, when all the instruments came together, I don’t think that distorted feeling could be properly heard. Even if it's distorted that much, surprisingly, it goes well easily. I usually have two patterns at the time of recording. For example, even if you use the same distortion effect, the distortion is applied with a little shallow sound like a hunting sound. So, this time, it was a way of finding what I felt comfortable with when it got mixed with the sound of the band.

-So the reason why you can’t hear that distortion in the first half or the middle of the song is because it got completely blended once the sound of the band got together?

T: That's right. I think there is a perception that if it is distorted, the sound will inevitably be drawn into it. However, if it's distorted that much, it gives a plump low feeling and you can see the phrase. It's simply because we don't stack as many guitars as we used to. Sometimes the sound of each instrument can be heard firmly, so the approach can be focused on what you want to hear. To put it simply, I think it's a big thing that the direction of the band has become simpler. So, in recent years, I think the balance of the band is very good at the time of put together each member’s part. I think that vocals are especially attractive in "Oboro".

-Kyo is very fast adding the lyrics, I’ve heard that he finished recording his part before the instruments  (recording) were done.

T: That's right. "Oboro" already had the vocals done at the stage of recording the bass. However, although he recorded it first, in the end this part will be the last one. After all, it seems that there are parts  he wants to record again once the other parts (instruments) are added. However, even if it is not the final form of the lyrics, if they are already included, the nuance of the phrase will change. Maybe it’s the same with the other members. I think everyone ends up arranging their parts for the lyrics.

-So, the idea was to keep the bass of "Oboro" as simple as possible?

T: Whether you're playing or listening, it was a simple form that seemed comfortable. I think a phrase that requires a lot of work is also good. If there is a song that suits that idea, I wonder if I should take a laborious approach. In that aspect, I thought the dynamic of “Oboro” feels as pleasant as possible. However, I was allowed to play a bit with it. I think the proportion and the sense of balance are also good.

-Did you choose to record some takes while changing your approach?

T: "Oboro" was decided by the current phrase from the time I did pre-production work at home.So, when I recorded in the the band's pre-production room, I just made a few minor corrections when I made the actual recording. As for the mix,  regarding my part, it was a good feeling from the beginning

-Neal Avron has been appointed as a mix engineer this time. Did his mixing work significantly change the nuances of the bass sound?

 T: It has changed. But the biggest change depending on the engineer is the sound of the drums. More like, I feel that the personality of the engineer can be understood in this aspect. Personally, I think the vivid and deep sound of the "Oboro" drums is good.

-A remake of your song "T.D.F.F" is recorded as one of the couplings. What kind of mindset did you have approaching this song including the arrangement?

T: As always, I thought about the phrase from the perspective of what it would sound like if it were done by my current self. When we do a remake, I listen to the original version of the song to confirm what I was playing at that time. Sometimes it's interesting to discover that I was playing it live with the wrong idea(laughs).

-The person that you were at that time is brought back as well?

T: There are times that happens when we rethink our approach. It was like this at that time, but I think it's different to do this phrase now, or to do it with a different feeling. Some of the old songs are due to youth, I have a variety of knowledge and experience now. So, there are times when I change to an approach with a completely different interpretation, and there are parts where I want to play faithfully to the original. For example, keep faithful to the main phrase that  would change everything if you changed that. At the time of "THE UNRAVELING" (released in April 2013), I had a strong desire to change everything if I wanted to remake it, so I changed it completely, but in recent years I have been thinking about the original carefully and the idea is to put my current sense into that. Because when you're making a song, it's your song, but it's not only yours. In that case, it’s better to capture our thoughts and the memories and the thoughts of the fans together in order to shape that song in a good way. If you want to make a bold change, I think you should use that idea to create a new song with it.

-The other coupling song is a live track from the concert without audience at Meguro Rockmaykan. What do you remember about this?

T: It's one of the first stages I've stood on since I became a member of DIR EN GREY, but the Rockmaykan with no audience felt strange. When the live starts, there is only one thing to do, so it's not much different from usual. But I’m not sure if there is something extra in it. It’s not about the call and response (from the audience), I think that the tension inside me is different depending if there are fans or not. After all it is more interesting to have audience. It can also inspire you. I think that such a form of live is also a possibility in times of Corona, but it doesn’t have to be like this every time. However, I learned a lot from this new experience with this new way of expression. Besides, it was a confirmation that there are various things that can be done in a situation like this.

-After this, there is a concert with audience on May 6th. How are you feeling now?

T: I'm looking forward to it and I'm happy. Above all, I am very grateful to be able to perform in front of the audience. Something that used to be normal is not normal anymore, so I wish I could do it with a new feeling.I think the world has simply changed due to Corona. Until now, everyone was running, and I think there was a huge difference between each person’s position. However, because it's all gone, to put it the other way around, everyone restarted from the same position. How does each person perceive that? Of course, the negative effects of corona are huge, but just thinking negatively does not change anything. So, if you think that everyone has slowed down in many ways, I think you can start running again. I think it's better to act than to think. So, I'm looking forward to the future.

[klaineccfanficlibrary]

I've always been very strict when it came to the stories I read; they had to be finished, never a WIP and fully updated. I guess I did that because I would hate to see my favourite stories just stopping in the middle, but I realised that this is sort of unfair of me. So I want to change things up a bit and give myself AND our wonderful authors a chance and get into WIPs. Since I've never done that, I was hoping you'd help me out and recommend a few? I hope all of that makes sense and I feel like I should apologise to the authors out there for being so selfish. I'm working on that now :)! I do prefer Rating M or E, AUs and everything with Parents!Klaine but I'm still open for anything!

Here are the current WIPs that the three of us are reading:

LYNNE

Warbler’s Lonely Hearts Radio Show by @coffeeorderwrites

Warbler is beloved host of a late night radio show for New York’s ‘lonely hearts’.

Kurt isn’t a lonely heart but he is very annoyed

~~~~~

My Rhythm and Blues by @teddyshoney

Kurt's finally in New York, the city he's dreamed of coming to for so long and the place he should meet his soulmate, according to his mark. After a once-in-a-lifetime concert, he heads to Marie's Crisis for some drinks, and he meets someone whom he's been crushing on for years: Blaine Anderson, lead singer of Warbler Attack. The singer invites him, as a joke, to go on tour with the band, and Kurt takes him up on his offer, sending him off on a whirlwind romance he never thought he'd experience.

~~~~~

You’ve Got My Number by dizzywhiz

Kurt hates music theory, and music theory hates him, too. He decides he needs a tutor if he doesn't want to flunk out of NYADA, which he very much doesn't, so - enter Blaine.

Meanwhile, warblersong and sirelphaba have been internet friends since the early days of social media, having met on the Broadway musical side of Twitter. Years later, they're still friends - and years later, they barely know anything about each other.

~~~~~

The First of Many by  kuhlaine

Kurt Hummel is overworked, exhausted, and desperately needs a drink. Or two. Blaine Anderson is underpaid, heartbroken, and dreading the thought of heading home for the holidays. When the two meet at neighboring bachelor/ette parties in Las Vegas, they wake up with more than just hangovers - a sky high room service bill, and a pair of wedding rings.

~~~~~

Always Right Together by holdingdaylight

Kurt and Blaine have been in love for sixteen years. They've only been alive for eighteen.

~~~~~

Wild and Free by @scatter-the-stars

There are sides of fame that Blaine can deal with. Has learned to deal with. But when the story of his sexuality breaks, he is sure the attention and talk surrounding him will finally be the thing to break him.

Needing to get away, he finds peace and solace in the last place he expects. But he also finds Kurt.

Without the eyes of the world on him, Blaine finds himself living for the first time in years without fear or worry. But what he really finds himself doing is falling for the guy he never saw coming.

Can he get his happily ever after even though they live in two different worlds?

HKVOYAGE

“My advise to the anon is to look at how much has been posted since the first date, and look at author’s track record.“

Solid Gold by @heartsmadeofbooks 

Ten years after breaking his engagement to Blaine, Kurt’s life isn’t the fairy tale he once hoped for. Forced to leave New York, he goes looking for a second chance, not expecting to find it in the town he always wanted to run away from, or with the man whose heart he shattered. ~~~~~

My Rhythm and Blues by @teddyshoney

MARJAN

Warbler’s Lonely Hearts Radio Show by @coffeeorderwrites

~~~~~

Hit The Switch by  dizzywhiz

Feeling complacent in their lives, Kurt and Blaine enter an intensive research study meant to explore the strength of married couples through temporarily switching each partner with a new "experimental spouse." Blaine is eager to take the opportunity to work on his marriage, but Kurt is more hesitant, prepared to just do his time and go back to normal life.

As it turns out, things quickly take a turn, sending them down a weeklong path unlike anything either of them could have anticipated.

~~~~~

Chasing Pavements by spaceorphan  

When Blaine Anderson moved to New York, he thought all his dreams would come true. However, living in the city is much harder than he thinks. Feeling lonely and sad - especially since his brother's wedding is quickly approaching, he gets drunk one evening and declares on social media that he's engaged himself. Now he has to find himself a fake fiance or admit to everyone that he made it all up.

~~~~~

Run Away Like The Sunshine by Pterodactyl

After ten years of pining, Kurt's certain that his chances with Blaine are over as he prepares to watch him walk down the aisle. But when the wedding goes awry, he convinces Blaine to run away to France to try and mend his broken heart and put Kurt's feelings to rest once and for all.

~~~~~

You’ve Got My Number by dizzywhiz

~~~~~

The First of Many by kuhlaine

[captain-josslett]

Broken Melody - Part Two

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight, Part Nine, Part Ten, Part Eleven,

Summary: Grammy Award winning Emma Danvers is the first to say she has a pretty good life. But what happens when it implodes around her and it looks like things will never be the same again?

Words: 3k+

Warnings: None... yet… Maybe need a filling for all the fluff I wrote in this part through...

Pairings: Emma Danvers x Lena Luthor (Eventual)

In This Part: Emma and Lena spend some time together. It’s not a date, even though they both wish it is.

The angst still hasn’t happened yet! Got probably two more parts to write before things get angsty! 

As always B!D is named.

Thank you for reading and let me know if you wanna be tagged or any general feedback will be greatly appreciated.

Taglist: @thewitchandtheassassin , @natasha-danvers , @life-is-hella-unfair , @finleyfray​, @supergirl-writingz​

Emma Danvers is happily playing on her Playstation, munching on popcorn and having some much needed rest time. The band are having a break from the farewell sold out world tour. With the holidays coming up they decided to split the tour up to allow them time with their families. The last part will be around America after the New Year. The last gig happening in National City, where their first major gig happened. Emma pushed this idea, finding it quite poetic to finish with the band in the place it all accelerated for them.

Emma didn’t mind the over a month long break. It meant she was home for Thanksgiving and spending more time hanging out with her sister’s, friends and Lena.

Speaking of Lena, the first thing Emma did when she was back in National City was to surprise the CEO on her birthday. She took her best friend to all their favourite hang outs that had a gift at each place until leading Lena back to her apartment where the Superfriend’s were waiting to celebrate with her. By the end of the day Lena was a tearful mess and thanked Emma as she held onto the blonde in a tight hug. 

Emma smiles at the memory and her eyes quickly look at the clock above the huge tv. They had planned to have dinner together tonight as recently Lena has been so busy planning Gala’s and Charity events as well as her CEO job, Lena hasn’t had much time to meet her friend individually.

Seeing it was time to get ready Emma smiles, saves the game and turns everything off. She gets up and bounces into her bedroom to change into some smart casual clothes.  

Quickly looking through her walk in wardrobe Emma picks out her favourite deep blue skinny jeans that make her legs and ass look incredible. A white lace shell top under a red blazer and black high heels. She finishes the outfit off with her layered necklace, a leather wrap around bracelet and natural looking makeup. She pulls her hair out of the high ponytail and lets her naturally wavy blonde hair fall around her shoulders.

Looking herself over in the mirror Emma nods and grabs her green clutch. Placing her keys, small journal and phone inside. Making her way down to the bug Emma hums a song she’s working on, but, as always, it’s not quite there yet.

Soon she pulls into L-Corp’s garage, the security guard waving her through. She parks in Lena’s space and gets out.

“Hi Miss Danvers!” The security guard calls and waves at her.

“Hi David!” Emma calls back as she locks the bug. She waves and smiles at him as she makes her way to the elevator.

When the elevator doors slide open Emma steps inside and presses the button for the top floor where Lena’s office is. Her phone pings inside her clutch and Emma gets it out. Smiling at the message Kara sent to the Danvers sisters group chat.

Kara: I hope you and Lena have a nice time tonight!

Emma goes to respond but a message from Alex appears below Kara’s.

Alex: Traitor.

Kara: What did I do?

Alex: Not you! Emma! It’s sister night!

Emma: Aww I’m sorry Alex, but this was the only evening Lena had free. I promise to make it up to you.

Alex: How?

Emma: Anything you want.

Kara: Yea I’m actually a bit annoyed too!

Emma snorts with laughter at Kara’s message. The doors slide open and Emma slowly exits the elevator as she composes her next text.

Emma: Same goes for you Kara. Also, here’s an idea… Why don’t you both meet up? *Le Gasp!*

Alex: Kara, I’ll be round in 30 mins!

Kara: Bring Potstickers please!

Alex: Already ordered!

Alex: Have a great evening Peanut!

Emma: Thanks! You too! Love you!

Kara: Love you too! (followed by hundreds of emoji’s that widens Emma’s smile.)

Alex: Love you too! (followed by a red heart emoji and means just as much to Emma.)

“Are you planning on coming in?” Lena’s bemused voice calls out.

Emma looks up and realises she stopped in the open doorway of Lena’s office.

“Meh, I’m okay here.” Emma cheekily says and hovers for a few seconds before approaching Lena’s desk.

The raven haired beauty smirks at her before looking down at the papers she was signing. Emma’s eyes wander over Lena’s torso, mainly her chest. How the off the shoulder black dress fits in all the right places. Emma can’t wait to see it fully when Lena stands. In the meantime, Emma goes right up to Lena and hugs her from behind.

“Hi.” Emma whispers and feels a sudden urge to kiss Lena’s neck and back, which is on show due to Lena’s high ponytail and the off the shoulder dress. It takes everything in her to not look down at Lena’s chest.

“Hi.” Lena responds in a breathy voice, almost like she senses what Emma is feeling. “I’m almost done.”

“Take your time.” Emma gives Lena a squeeze before pulling away and stepping out onto the balcony.

Lena’s hand moves swiftly across the pages as she signs the last of the papers for the Christmas Charity Concert L-Corp is organising for the Luthor Children’s Hospital next week.

When she’s finished Lena gathers them up in a neat pile and rises from her chair. She looks around her office to see where Emma is and pauses when she finds her on the balcony, looking out at the city. Lena can’t help but gaze up and down Emma’s toned body. When her eyes land on Emma’s shapely ass, she bites her lip slightly. But when Lena realises where her thoughts are going she quickly shakes her head and turns away, grabbing her handbag and clearing her throat.

“Ready to go?” Emma’s voice says behind her.

“Yes!” Lena says over her shoulder. “All done.”

“Great!” Emma walks up to Lena’s desk, her eyes going up and down as she takes in all of Lena. She goes to walk out of the office but is stopped by Lena’s hand on her shoulder.

“Can I have a proper hug now?” Lena smiles brightly at the blonde.

“Of course you can!” Emma wraps her arms around the CEO. Sighing happily when Lena’s arms do the same. “You seriously give the best hugs.”

“Don’t let your sister’s hear you say that!” Lena laughs into Emma’s neck, causing the blonde to shiver.

“Yea, they’d both have a fit!” Emma chuckles as she pulls away. She holds out her arm for Lena to take and they exit the office. “How’s your day been?” Emma asks while they walk to the elevator.

Lena sighs heavily as she presses the call button.

“That good huh?”

“Well, it's recently gotten a lot better.” Lena squeezes Emma’s arm. Her eyebrows almost shoot up when she feels the muscle underneath. She knows Emma is fit, but not that fit. The doors slide open stopping her train of thought and they both enter. Lena lets go and Emma leans against the side of the elevator, looking at her friend.

“Yea must be such a relief finishing for the day.”

“I meant seeing you, you dork.” Lena's smile widens when Emma throws back her head and laughs. Lena loves Emma’s voice but her laugh is pure magic. She could listen to it for days.

“I’m honoured. Seeing you has been the highlight of mine too.”

“But the night is still young.” Lena tilts her head.

“I can’t imagine anything that can top you.”

‘I wish you would.’ Lena thinks, almost biting her lip again. “What if the restaurant has Creme Brûlée?” She chooses to say instead.

Emma pouts her lips, as if deep in thought.

“Arse.” Lena shoves Emma’s shoulder lightly causing the blonde to laugh again.

“I think it would come a close second to you.”

Lena’s insides melt at that comment and she smiles shyly.

The doors slide open and Emma holds her arm out again, walking with Lena to the bug. She opens the passenger door for her friend.

“My how gentlewomanly!” Lena slides in and Emma closes the door beside her.

‘Cool it Em!’ The blonde berates herself. ‘This is not a date.’ Emma gets into the driver’s seat and starts the bug. ‘Rao I wish it was a date.’

“So, how was your day? Other than seeing me being the highlight?” Lena asks as Emma pulls out of the garage, waving at the security guard as they pass.

“It was… okay?”

“Is that a statement or a question?”

“Er… I mean, I went for a 10k run and did some weight lifting. Worked a bit on a song, played Mass Effect.” Emma shrugs. “It’s been a very general day for me.”

“How you run 10k and do weights everyday is beyond me.”

“It’s fun!”

“If you say so darling.” Lena laughs and rolls her eyes.

“I do say so!” Emma laughs too. “But I do have recovery days as well.”

A noticeable drum beat starts on the radio and Emma whoops, recognising it as one of her current favourite songs. She turns the volume up high and dances along. Smiling brightly when Lena joins in. Not caring that people can see them when they wait at a red light.

A few do a double take as they walk past the bug and wave when they realise it is Emma in the yellow VW and Emma waves back with a smile. Generally fans in National City are respectable to Emma’s privacy and space. When fans do approach her Emma is always polite and will always give them her time. One such time she sat with an kind, eldery lady who had approached her while Emma was sat on a bench at the park. She gushed at how Emma’s music had helped her during the loss of her husband. Tears fell down her old cheeks and Emma gave her a tissue. The blonde listened to the many stories the eldery woman had and gave her a hug when they had to part ways.

Soon Emma and Lena pull up outside the restaurant and valet jumps to open Lena’s door. Emma reluctantly gets out to let the valet drive the bug to the parking area.

“The bug will be fine darling.” Lena says taking a hold of Emma’s hand as the blonde watches the yellow VW be driven away.

Emma weaves her fingers through Lena’s and smiles at her crush. Nodding she walks to the entrance and takes the elevator up to the top floors where the restaurant is.

“Ah! Ms. Luthor and Ms. Danvers! Welcome back!” The host greets them warmly before showing them to their favourite table in a secluded corner by the window. Emma especially loves the view. They are given the menus and the specials for the day. Emma quickly scans through but she already knows what she is ordering.

While they wait for the food the two women catch up. Chatting about anything and everything. Smiles permanently on their faces.

“So how’s things for the events going?” Emma asks while sipping on her Pepsi Max. She’s never been a lover of alcohol, seeing the effects it has on Alex and her peers put her off for life.

“It’s-” Lena pauses for a moment.

“Lee?” Emma frowns.

“Well, we’ve hit a bit of a road block.” Lena sits up a bit straighter. “You know the concert happening next week?”

Emma nods and she tilts her head. She’d already got her ticket with the Superfriends and was planning on anomalously donating a large sum of money to the children’s hospital.

“Well, the act had to pull out and I’m not sure where to find a replacement so quickly. I would ask you but I know this is your rest time and I completely respect that-”

“Lee!” Emma reaches out and takes a hold of Lena’s hand on top of the table. Lena’s cheeks start to blush, but she is blaming the red wine she is drinking. “Take a breath!” Lena does.

“Sorry, it’s just been a bit stressful.”

“I bet.” Emma says sympathetically. “But, I would love to help.”

“Really?”

“Of course! I know of a great gospel choir that could sing with me. Would actually be nice doing something different to country, you know?”

And Lena did know. Emma’s singing voice didn’t naturally have the country tone so she did have to add it in. Lena had been blown away one time when she heard Emma’s natural tone. She had been waiting for Emma to finish in the shower and she heard her voice singing out. Doing runs and riffs that had Lena’s jaw hitting the floor. Lena even got closer and stood by the door to listen better. When Lena heard Emma approach the door she quickly and quietly scurried away.

“Yes, would do you good to try something different too? For your solo career? Let the fans hear more of what you can do.”

“That’s if they want to hear it.” Emma looks away at the city below them, her insecurities bubbling to the surface.

“They would be fools not to Em.” Lena squeezes Emma’s hand and the blonde looks back at her.

“Thanks.” Emma gives Lena a small smile. The anxiety of stepping out into her solo career still worries her. “So-” Emma lets go of Lena’s hand and takes out the journal from her clutch. Opening it and clicking her pen. Her mind switching into work mode as she thinks about the concert. “What songs would you want in the set? And for how long? Do you want the audience to sing along? Will you give a speech?”

Lena pauses as she sips her wine. “Well… I guess the classics and no I don’t think the audience need to participate. It’s not a carol service. You have free rein other than it needs to be wrapping up around 9pm. A speech will be given, probably from someone from the hospital rather than me. Maybe ten or twelve songs, allowing the speech to be near the end and have an upbeat song to finish.”

“Okay.” Emma makes some notes and song ideas. She grins as a surge of excitement hits her. “Can I be a bit rude and message the lead of the choir, Karen?”

“You may. I mean I have dumped this on you.” Lena laughs and takes a sip of her wine while Emma gets her phone out.

“Er… Will the choir be paid?” Emma looks up at her. “I mean I can pay them, that’s no issue. Forget I said anything.”

“Em! It’s okay. And yes the choir will be paid. Ask them what they, Karen? Charges.”

Emma nods and quickly sends Karen a message. Who responds instantly in all capital letters that they will definitely perform with her at the concert and, in Emma’s opinion, quite a low price. Emma sends a message back confirming a time to meet the next day to go over ideas and songs. Already planning a set list in her head.

Lena watches Emma with a smile on her face. How Emma starts to radiate even more with her excitement.

The food soon arrives and like a true Danvers Emma digs right in.

“Oh Lee!” Emma moans, causing Lena’s brain to short circuit. “You need to try this!” Emma puts a piece of her food on her fork and holds it out for Lena. She watches as the raven haired beauty leans forward and slowly wraps her mouth around her fork. Emma swallows thickly when Lena moans too.

“That is delicious.” Lena agrees. “Do you want to taste mine?”

“Sure.” Emma waits for Lena to cut into the food and hold the fork out to her. And like Lena, Emma tilts forward, keeping her eyes on the raven haired beauty as she wraps her mouth around the fork. Emma can’t help the sound of pleasure that escapes her lips as she tastes the food. Closing her eyes briefly and when she opens them she swears she sees Lena biting her lip. “Wow, you made a good choice there.”

“I’m not sharing!” Lena laughs and starts eating again.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Emma says before digging in.

However they do share a Créme Brûlée and Lena has to clench her legs together when Emma sounds like she’s having a mouth orgasm with every bite.

“Okay, no, maybe this is the highlight of my day.” Emma says while licking the spoon and winking at a blushing Lena.

“I don’t know whether I should be offended or not.” Lena raises an eyebrow at the blonde.

“Nah, nothing compares to you Lena. You know that.”

The two women smile softly at each other before continuing their conquest of devouring the dessert.

When it’s time to leave Lena is having an intense tug of war with herself. She wants to come clean. To reveal to Emma that her feelings have gone deeper than friendship. As Emma drives her back to her apartment Lena wants to ask Emma to come up with her. But her past stops her from talking.

“Lee?” Emma notices how quiet Lena has gotten. “You okay?”

“Yea.” Lena says softly.

“You sure?” Emma presses further, knowing Lena is not fine.

“Yes, just tired I guess.”

“I bet you are!” Emma knows this is only partly the truth. Instead she drops it and gives Lena a sympathetic smile. “I really appreciate you spending time with me. I really do mean it when I say it's the highlight of my day, well week, even month! And I know how busy you are around this time of year, so thank you.”

“You’re welcome love.” Lena can’t deny the warmth that fills her heart. “It’s been the highlight of my month too.”

All too soon Emma is parked outside of Lena’s apartment building. “Well, thanks again. Shall I let you know the order of songs etc?”

Lena nods. “You can also send it to Jess as well.”

“Will do.” Emma smiles brightly and leans forward, opening her arms up for a hug. Lena happily falls into them. “Love you Lee.”

“Love you too Em.” ‘More than you’ll ever know.’

They sit like this for a while, just enjoying being in each other’s arms. Lena finally pulls away, knowing if she doesn’t go she will never leave.

“Good night.” She says while opening the door.

“Night. Sleep well!”

Lena is about to step out of the bug when she thinks ‘Fuck it!’ Lena leans back over to Emma and places a kiss on the corner of Emma’s mouth.“You too.” She quickly gets out of the car and enters the building. If she’d looked back she would have seen the brightest smile on Emma’s face as she watches her go.

(Part Three)

[jemej3m]

Listen bud, hunger games au, Andrews the mockingjay, Neil’s been captured by his dad aka the game maker

if you’re looking for an extended hunger games au @gluupor‘s on ao3 is my all-time favourite, but here’s a oneshot (are oneshots all i know how to do??)

*

Andrew doesn’t want to be here. The whole place is writhing with death and misery, but there’s a whole camera crew asking him to interact with these people, these men and women and children who are fighting and dying for an idealistic cause. 

Andrew is not an empathetic person. Kevin says that doesn’t matter. Just the sight of him, with his Mockingjay pin, will be enough to inspire hope. 

At least he’s here, shepherding Andrew around, doing all the talking. Nicky’s being all amicable too, crouched by overcrowded beds and talking nonsense. Aaron’s probably somewhere, being useful. 

His team. His support. Coming out onto the front lines with him, because they genuinely believed that Andrew was going to change the world.

When Andrew volunteered in Aaron’s place, he didn’t think he’d ever see his family again. 

Just goes to show: nothing is predictable. Not in a world like this. 

Andrew beelines for the lonely kids, the ones without parents, shunted into the corner. There’s one with a stump instead of an arm, like Kevin, and one who was avoxxed in the raid, like Nicky’s boyfriend. They all learned sign language for him, so Andrew kneels on the floor and says hello.

The kid’s eyes light up when he realises Andrew can talk to him. The others get excited too, crowding around.  

They ask him questions. He talks whilst he signs, keeping his voice low. He tells them what sunrise looks like from the capitol’s training tower, how to properly throw a knife, why you choosing your family is important, and protecting them even more so. Their eyes are as wide as saucers, drinking in every word. Andrew has always been good with kids. 

He realises that the cameras have been trained on him and stops talking. The kids get sad, but then a nurse comes around to move Andrew along so that they can have their checkups. Andrew hoists himself up off the ground, ignoring his cousin as he comes closer. He has tears in his eyes. 

“That was beautiful,” he says. “Neil would -” 

“Shut up,” Andrew snaps, because there’s a lot of things he tries not to think about, and Neil is one of them. 

His and Neil’s story is a long one. Andrew was in the 5th district, the fostered son of the mayor. He had a best friend, one he didn’t tell anyone about lest his older brother, Drake, discover how pretty Neil was. Neil’s mother was overprotective, hiding him away from the public eye, but together they would climb outside the district’s boundaries and play together in the woods. 

Then Andrew met his biological family when Major Cass Spear was invited to the 12th district for diplomacy. He decided to stay. He was twelve at the time: he and Aaron entered the reapings that year. His cousin had three years left, but would never be voted in: he was also the son of a terrible mayor. When Nicky turned 18, Tilda died, his parents disowned him, and he looked after the twins for another 2 years before Aaron was reaped and Andrew took his place. 

That year, a scrawny seventeen year old from the 2nd district, who wasn’t a career tribute, volunteered himself. It wasn’t until Andrew had met all the tributes in the capitol that he realised who that kid was: Neil, his childhood best friend, who was fulfilling an old promise of protection. 

Andrew had hated him quite a bit for it: only one of them was meant to escape the arena. There were bets placed on how soon Andrew would kill him and how. None of them knew the truth. None of them knew that Andrew would rather die than kill Neil. 

So, in the end, when it’d just been the two of them, they swore a truce. They fought against the capitol’s attempts at whittling them down till the capitol gave up. Andrew thought they’d beat the system: it took him a hellish victory tour, another trip back to the arena and losing Neil to the capitol to know that wasn’t true. 

Neil. Neil, Neil, Neil. The other reason Andrew doesn’t want to be here. Neil’s back in district 13, recovering from his weeks spent being tortured at the capitol’s hands. The rebels weren’t given the chance to grab him before the capitol snatched him away. Andrew had paced grooves into the ground during his absence. 

And when he came back? Well, Andrew would’ve rathered that Neil forgot him entirely. Instead they - his father, his worst nightmare and most talented gamemaker in the capitol - had turned Neil against him. Made him loathe Andrew with every fibre of his being. Enough so that he’d tried to strangle Andrew when they’d first been reunited. 

He is better now, but still avoiding Andrew at every possible junction. Andrew inexplicably still wants to stay by his side. Abby says his memory will return with time. Andrew will just have to wait. 

Nicky’s eyes go wide. “I thought you were going to sort things out with him -” 

But then Kevin is yelling, sirens are wailing. The hospital begins to dissolve into panic. Andrew only has to hear someone yell “Bombs!” to understand, being directed out of the building. Someone’s trying to set up artillery to shoot them down. It’s too late. Andrew’s lot makes it out, but only a handful of patients are able to stumble out after them before the building explodes. Andrew looks over his shoulder as they’re running towards where their helicopter is descending. The warehouse structure has collapsed inwards. Those who hadn’t died in the explosion are being torn apart by shrapnel and debris. All those kids. Gone. 

“Turn the camera on,” he murmurs, holding out his hands. The bomber planes aren’t turning around, but there’s a second fleet of carrier craft behind them, bringing peacekeepers by the dozen. 

“Andrew,” Aaron says, stricken. The camera’s red light is already flashing. 

“This is what you get for remaining neutral,” Andrew spat out, flinging a pointed hand behind him at the burning hospital. “Massacred. Think about that next time you assume the capitol will be on your side.” 

He’s facing away from the carnage. It’s the only reason that he doesn’t see the peacekeeper aim and fire. He doesn’t even realise he’s been shot until the rest of him start screaming. 

By then it’s too late: he’s falling, falling into darkness, wishing that he’d never involved himself in this stupid rebellion in the first place. 

*

He blinks awake and stares at the ceiling. District thirteen, being a burner district, doesn’t have many variations in its ceilings, but Andrew knows this one all too well. 

He’s in the hospital. 

His hands go to his arms: the armbands are still there, but they’re rolled down and his knives are gone. There’s a morphine drip in his left elbow and fluids in his right. He can barely feel his body. 

“I have your knives,” says a familiar voice. Andrew has to be dreaming. 

Neil’s appearance has always fluctuated: when they’d first met, his hair had been black and his eyes natural blue. During the games he’d started off with brown hair and brown eyes, but a lack of resources meant that he’d ended up forgoing the contacts and letting his roots grow out. He’d forgone the brown eyes but kept up with the dye till the second games, which hadn’t lasted long enough for any major changes. 

Now he is fully and unequivocally Nathaniel Wesniniski, son of Nathan, scarring on his cheeks, arms and torso telling a narrative that is a hard-won fight. Nathan and his lackey Lola had both been killed brutally in Neil’s rescue. Andrew is glad.

“Hey,” Neil says, when Andrew isn’t exactly forthcoming. “How are you faring?”

“You’re not here to finish the job?”  

Neil’s lips quirk. “Drama queen. Your suit was fitted with kelvar: there’s a lot of bruising, but you’ll be fine in a week.” 

Andrew drops his head back down onto his pillow. “Dammit.” 

Neil snorts. He’s in a good mood. Andrew can tell he’s still on edge, but he was always a paranoid kid. It’s not going to take some genial bedside manner to undo everything his father did. 

“I know that everything they told me was fake,” he says, looking at the knives in his hands. “I have always been a jumble of identities and false pretences. This  shouldn’t be news to you.” 

Andrew just hums. He can’t even wiggle his toes. How the hell did they had stuff this strong down here? They were all eating onion slop rations but had morphine good enough to even send Dan into a spiral.  

“I gave this knife to you,” Neil continues, holding up a sleek blade. Matte black. Andrew’s sharpest blade and perfectly weighted for throwing. “This was my mother’s. You must have been very special to me if I gave you this.” 

“I hate you,” Andrew says. 

“Are you sure?” Neil asks. “Because I’m not.” 

Andrew just huffs. 

“I remember...” he hesitates. “I remember us. Together. In your district 12 victory house, after the tour...then again, in the tower before the 75th games.”

Andrew stares at the wall opposite him. He really doesn’t want to have this conversation. “It didn’t mean anything.” 

“I think it did,” Neil says, softspoken. He’s never soft-spoken. “My father - he couldn’t create new memories. He could only twist old ones. For me to hate you as much as I did, I must have really...You know. Lo-” 

“Don’t,” Andrew says, because this a war and if he hears something like that fate will go against him. “I’m not your answer, Neil.” 

Neil shrugs. “Okay.” Then, with methodical precision, he checks Andrew’s vitals, removes the needles and rolls up his bands. Then he slides the knives in place, fingertips briefly brushing over Andrew’s skin. Andrew, for some reason, lets him. 

“Your last morphine dose was seven hours ago,” Neil says, settling back into his chair. “It’ll wear off soon. You were asleep for nearly 2 days, did you know? Aaron says the bruising is horrific. You probably won’t be able to move for another 3 days. But hey, at least all the districts are in revolt now. You getting shot on camera actually helped the cause...” 

He chatters innocuously. Andrew listens. Neil’s still nervous, still schooling his bodily reactions of hatred and disgust, but he’s here anyway. Distracting Andrew from his own snare of a mind. 

Maybe there’s goodness in this terrible, terrible world. 

Maybe Andrew can have it. 

He’ll just have to live long enough to find out.

*

yeehawwww

[soft-luke]

Messing around | Ashton Irwin

Request: Can you do an Ashton imagine where him and the reader are super giggly and playful and one day when they are all on tour Andy takes videos of them chasing each other around the venue being all psycho and crazy with each other. Just a lot of giggly stuff

A / N: I hope this is giggly enough tbh. I made it a thing to write on the imagines over the whole day, do 500 words in one session and then add 50 every hour or so, until I write quickly again at 3AM. Welcome to my life in quarantine

Requests are still open, btw! (For Headcanons, Blurbs and Imagines)

Word count: 1.3k

Masterlist

You were quite happy to be able to go on tour with the band, especially with Ashton. You always hated when you had to stay home and were only able to see him through your phone on FaceTime. Ever since the band was extremely successful, he had to travel a lot and the gap between your meetings got bigger and bigger. Ashton was also very happy when it was definite that you would accompany them on their world tour. Not only did you love their music, but you also loved to hang out with the boys. They were the best company you could imagine, so you were excited for everything you would be doing before and after a show. It also meant that you got to see a lot of the world, from Europe to America.

When the tour started, the time basically flew by. America was amazing to see and Ashton took you to a lot of different places after shows or on free days. After America, you headed to Europe, which you were excited to see as well. London was a beautiful city, so Ashton decided to walk around the city with you since he had discovered a few nice places already when he had been there before. You took a lot of pictures by the River Thames, alone and with Ashton. Your favourite picture was the one where Ashton had his arm wrapped around you, holding you close and pressing a kiss onto your temple while you smiled into the camera and the River Thames can be seen in the background. You put it as your new home screen background almost immediately. You encountered some fans at some point, but they were all pretty nice and told you how excited they were for the show in the afternoon, Despite seeing different shows all around the world already, you were still excited to see Ashton on stage. It was an amazing sight to see him feel the music and do his best at playing the drums. In your eyes, he was the best drummer there is and you would never get bored of watching him play. After the fans left, you took Ashton’s hand again and kept walking down the street with him. “You really like London, don’t you?” He asked, his hand letting go of yours and resting on your back.

It was not only the city you loved, but also that you got to experience it with Ashton. Normally, you chose more quiet locations for your vacation together, often at the beach and not a big and loud city. “I am glad to be able to see all these countries in general,” you admitted, but still nodded at him, watching him smile at you, before putting his sunglasses back on properly. You walked around in the city for another hour, before heading back to the venue of the concert and placing your shopping bags down in the dressing room. Ashton got his hair done while you sat on the sofa in the back and Andy started to film Ashton and ask him about how his day was, filming it for the tour diaries. You listened a little bit, but were mostly focused on your phone, where you scrolled through Twitter and read some people’s Tweets on how excited they were to come to the concert and finally see 5SOS live. You smiled while reading them, understanding how excited they were to see their favourites live. Even you had been more than excited to see them live for the first time, even though you were also a little biased because of your relationship.

You looked up from your phone again, pulling your feet away from the table and onto the sofa with you and looked at Ashton. “Did you buy anything special in London?” Andy looked at Ashton curiously, but your boyfriend just shook his head, turned around with his chair and pointed at you, the camera following his motions and then filming you. “But she bought some nice clothes.” You didn’t know how to react at first and just looked at Ashton, shrugging and pointing to the bags in the corner of the room. “Ashton wanted me to buy some weird pink dress, but he has no fashion taste, so I decided against it,” you told the camera, standing up and Andy following you. Ashton acted surprised and gasped, putting his hand over his heart and pretended to be hurt. “I have never been this hurt in my life,” he gasped again, while you reached into one of the bags and took a mug out with the Big Ben on it. You had wanted this kind of souvenir, because it was so cheesy. “Ashton made me get this cheesy mug. He thought it was a great addition to the kit-” You weren’t able to finish the sentence because an empty water bottle was thrown at you and Ash laughed devilishly. “Liar!” He protested, but you didn’t want to give in yet and crossed your arms in front of your chest. “No need to get violent, Irwin,” you shook your head, before grabbing a pillow from the sofa and throwing it at your boyfriend. Andy continued to film this chaotic moment, but it would be clear for everyone that you had a lot of fun. Ashton and you had always enjoyed goofing around.

Ash caught the pillow and jumped off his chair, sprinting towards you. You squealed for a second and backed up, grabbing another pillow to defend yourself with. Ashton had you cornered between the pile of bags and the sofa. “Back up, Ash and I will no one tell you about the fridge magnets you bought,” you grinned, obviously telling a lie, but your boyfriend still tried to reach you, but whenever he made a step forward you swung the pillow at him. You knew he could take the pillow away pretty easily, but he kept going for a while until he had enough and grabbed the pillow, ripping it out of your hands in a quick motion and grinning at you again. “Little liar,” he grinned, reaching out for you, but you couldn’t hold back a squeal before you tried to run past him. Quickly, he had his arms wrapped around your torso, holding you in place and chuckling. “You stay here, madame,” he insisted, but he wasn’t holding you tightly, so you could just escape with a little effort, running away immediately. Ashton went after you, Andy following with the camera when your boyfriend chased you down the hallway. Everyone moved out of your way quickly and you were still laughing while Ashton chased after you. “Come here!” He grinned, trapping you at the end of the hallway since the big double door was closed. “No escape from the devil, baby,” he joked, reaching out for you again and laughing devilishly again. With your back against the double door, you shook your head, trying to figure out how to get past Ashton. “No escape,” he reminded you when he saw how your eyes were scanning everything for a way to get past him. Andy was still filming and he’d definitely include this in the next tour guide. You made a step to the right, then a quick one to the left again, before trying to run past Ashton on the right, who managed to react quickly anyway and grab your waist again, holding you close against him. “Oh, oh, don’t try to run,” he whispered, trying to sound as creepy as possible. “It’s all fun with me,” he chuckled and he was definitely right. You didn’t want to give up yet though, so you tried to break free of his grasp. There was no chance though and in the matter of a second, he had lifted you up and you looked down to the ground behind you two. “That’s not fair,” you protested and hit his back with your fists gently. “It also wasn’t fair to excuse me of things,” he chuckled and carried you back to the dressing room, Andy zooming in to your defeated look and Ash’s happy grin.

[tarry-a-lot]

French Musical Recommendations/review (Part 2)

I should have mentioned in part 1 but I don't speak French (well a bit but not enough to understand the lyrics unless I’m reading it or something) so if the lyrics aren’t that good my bad I honestly wouldn’t know, 

Also this is in no particular order, I don't think all the shows mentioned in part 1 are better than the ones mentioned here, there will be a part 3 at some point

1789 Les amantes de la Bastille: I think this may be my second or third (ties with Mozart) favourite French musical based solely on soundtrack, it’s about the siege of the Bastille and the days leading up to it with a focus on two lovers Ronan a revolutionary and Olympe Marie Antoinette’s children’s governess (the actress who played Olympe was also Guinevere in roi Arthur musical), my favourite songs are “Sur ma peau” and “La rue nous apparent” it is available in full on YouTube, IMPORTANT: This show has two endings, I don’t want to spoil so perhaps skip what I’m about to write though I will try to be vague: the scene before the song “fixe” at the end, the two characters switch place mattering on which version your watching, one version was done towards the start of the run and late 2013 they seemed to have made the change, the full version uploaded and the dvd have the original ending (I personally prefer the original but the other is not bad as well). also in 2012 when the show was staring with the showcase costumes are really different and you’ll find Ronan is played by Matthieu Carnot who plays Lazare in the full production later on instead because he had vocal issues resulting in getting replaced and given a more minor role (I think he’s great in his new role though, “Maniaque” is a bop)

Non-music: I have yet to see it in full but from clips the lighting is great and really adds to the songs and emotions, the story is pretty straightforward but nice, and the choreography is good from what I’ve seen, also for a “historical” show the costumes aren’t that bad, I would assume not accurate but a good balance of inaccurate and historical looking enough

Japanese Toho ver. (1789 バスティーユの恋人たち) 2016 clips are available on YouTube, the costumes in this version is fun, it’s non-replica but they really went off on Olympe’s costume, I will be honest a little bit sad about Ronan’s yellow jacket being replaced with a dark blue, also one of the Ronan actors (Olympe, Ronan and Marie-Antoinette are double casted) looks too old, especially compared to other Ronan actor who really has the young energetic vibe about him (though if memory serves me correctly his sur ma peau was strangely annoying to listen to)

Takarazuka ver. 2015, clips are available on YouTube if Japanese title along with “宝塚“ is added in search

Notre-Dame de Paris: a musical based on Victor Hugo’s novel of the same name, it is different from the Disney musical, this is another popular French show, if you like Romeo et Juliette you’ll probably like this, it can found in full on YouTube along with different translations/adaptions, I won’t go to in depth on different version on here like I did for R+J but if your interested the Wikipedia page is quite detailed and can tell you about all the casts and cast recording available, I have yet to watch it in full but so far I think Belle and Le temps des cathédrales are my favourite songs (quite basic I know), it’s one of those shows you can’t go wrong with, from the parts I’ve watched and listened I think it could become one of my favourite shows

Non music: From the bits I’ve seen the wall backdrop is really cool, It has nooks and platforms that appear and disappear and it’s just really cool looking, WARNING, this is a bit of the spoiler so maybe don't read what I’m about to write but if you’ve read the book its not that much of a spoiler but there is a hanging scene at the end so if that imagery is something your sensitive to please be wary, it’s at the end (on the YouTube video of the full original show its from 2:03:42-2:03:54)

Don Juan: I love this show (I strangely found parts funny and a bit cheesy which is why I liked it), It’s pretty much about a man Don Juan who is a know heartbreaker who is only into sex drinking and having fun but no love, he then falls in love with a woman, shocker, and conflicts arise from there, honestly I don’t see a lot of content for this show but I think it’s fun, the dancing is primarily flamenco (music is heavily inspired by the dance as well) and it’s impressive, the singing is great, the full show is available on YouTube, my favourite songs are probably “Les fleurs du mal” and “Jalousie,”  It opened in Montreal originally then went to Paris, the full show is available on YouTube (I think the Paris version) and there is also a full 3 and half hour behind the scenes video of the Paris production online, from what I can tell up till the symphony version of 2019 Don Juan and his love Maria has been consistently played by Jean-François Breau and Marie-Ève Janvier (obviously there were understudies and such) the actors are also married/were dating during the show which adds to it when you see them perform together 

Non-Music: a character described with black hair in the song chorus is blonde/brunette and I thought that was hilarious, some strange choreography with Don Juan especially in Jalousie, he walks up and down stage and it’s awkward, aside from weird parts in general the costumes are ok (gets better in later productions), the set is plain but with some fun props, I think the dancing is probably one of the highlights along with the live band present on stage for certain songs (photo from Quebec 2013 production) 

Don Juan (Théâtre St-Denis) 2004 Montreal, also had Canada tour after its Montreal premier in Feb.

France Tour 2005 Palais des Congrès à Paris performance recording and behind the scenes is available on YouTube 

Korean Tour 2006, the French cast touring, non-costume concert versions and actual performance clips are available on Youtube

Korean Cast, 2009 (March~) (뮤지컬 돈 주앙) separate from the tour which was the French cast touring this is an all Korean cast, act 1 and 2 can be found on YouTube (video called “돈쥬앙 1막“ and “돈쥬앙 2막“) though it seems to cut around so It’s like a pieced together version of the acts, other clips are also available, it is a replica production

2012 revival Montreal, from what I read it only had 10 performances? and with it released a cd with new recordings, “nous on veut de l'amour“ and “L'amour Est Plus Fort“ 

Grand Théâtre de Québec 2013 (August 9-18), you could call this a continuation to the revival in Montreal 

Takarazuka ver. 2016 (June+July) (ドン・ジュアン) the page is still up on the takarazuka website for this production, there’s a ad with clips from the show available on niconico (should come up if you search the title in jp and add takarazuka in jp) also this version Don Juan is strangely more touchy with his friend, not mad guess it adds a new tension to the plot, non replica production though it is quite similar to the French one, they don’t stray too far

Don Juan Symphonique 2019 (Feb 12-16): At the Montreal Symphony House they had a concert version with the original cast (or at least the original Don Juan and Maria), along with the OSM (Orchestre Symphonique de Montréal)

Japanese ver. 2019 (August/September + December) it’s non-replica, there’s a trailer for it online but it only features Don Juan, I found blog posts about it but currently while I write this it’s late so perhaps I’ll update with more info later, maybe not

Moscow Concert 2020 (March 17-22) (Дон Жуан or Don Juan) This is still in French with a French cast but this time the leads are no longer the original, Laurent Ban is now Don Juan, supposedly according to a Russian video it was meant to go on tour after Moscow (State Kremlin Palace) but I’m assuming the issue with the virus changed plans, I’m surprised they were going to go on world tour I honestly think it’s not true, the interview with cast can be found on YouTube with bits of songs, however the Russian concert advertisement is only a recording from the 2005 French, from what I can tell it is a replica, I believe it was cancelled before the premier due to Covid-19

The research for this show took me all day, maybe if I was fluent in French it would have been faster, if I’m wrong in parts feel free to comment and correct me and I’ll edit it

Les Trois Mousquetaires: Not to be mistaken with the Broadway/Westend show of the same name and base material from 1928 with the revival in the 80′s or the other three musketeer musical at the North Shore theatre in 2007 (the one with Aaron Tveit and Kevyn Morrow), or the other musical by George Stiles and Paul Leigh, this is an entirely separate 2016-2017 musical that follows the general plot of the literature it’s based on though simplified, it’s ok, not great but not the worst, I probably would rank it lower than roi Arthur, I will admit I haven’t listened to the full show, it’s quite catchy, my favourite song so far is probably “Je t’aime c’est tout,” there is a showcase concert in full, music videos and official soundtracks available on YouTube but I would advise checking out the live versions, the ensemble backing parts are really great and they get cut out in the recording versions which really cheapens the songs for me, In general ok show, really not the best but has its highlights (like the four lads relationship is fun to watch, dancing is great, singing is good), 

Non-Music: Athos the oldest of the 3 musketeers is actually the youngest actor though he is a few year older than the D’Artagnan actor, It’s minor I guess but I didn’t realise who Athos was until looking up the cast list and was shocked, Also Athos really doesn’t sing because Brahim Zaibat who plays him is a dancer, despite this his dancing skills really add to the fight sequences making them very impressive and fun to watch, it’s more concerty in style and a bit interactive with the audience, from what I can tell the sets seem plain and the costumes are really awful (in my opinion) like Athos’ shirt is so revealing to the point he might as well not wear a shirt, also Constance’s outfit is just a no for me

[grimelords]

My November playlist is complete from Aretha Franklin to Blood Incatation, and I guarantee there’s at least something in here you’ll love. Thanks for listening!

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Don't Start Now - Dua Lipa: Dua Lipa said disco lives. I absolutely love this song, it’s rock solid disco without being throwback or ironic about it. The way this song starts with the first line of the chorus and then launches into the verse and only gives you the full chorus later feels like that thing movie trailers do now where they give you a little trailer before the trailer for some reason. It’s also something I’ve never heard before, and it gives the song a very fun structure in the intro where it has two different levels of elevation it can drop down to before the bass properly drops in. I think Dua Lipa understands something fundamental about being a pop singer: literally the only thing you have to do is make bangers. She has basically zero personality and was criticised massively around New Rules for having zero stage presence (which she's definitely gotten better at since) but I kind of like it like that - she's just an unknowable blank canvas that's not particularly interested in any kind of narrative, she just makes bangers.

Mirage (Don't Stop) - Jessie Ware: Jessie Ware has been putting out some extremely good singles since her last album and this song is another. It’s the kind of smooth neo-soul that Jungle is pioneering but the way this song is structured is really beautiful; it gives the ‘don’t stop moving’ part a lot of space early on before it really gets to take hold and take over the second half of the song - it gives the whole song this feeling of disco evolution and the song going on and on and changing rather than static pop.

What A Fool Believes - Aretha Franklin: I can’t believe I’ve never heard Aretha’s version of What A Fool Believes before. It’s amazing. It’s the best kind of cover where you just basically do the song exactly the same but better in every single way. Push the tempo slightly, put big brass in it, make the bass hot as hell, sing the hell out of it, add a sax solo obviously. She takes such liberty with the rhythm of the vocals and it gives this whole song this great swooping and diving energy that just uplifts in such a beautiful way.

Walking Into Sunshine (Larry Levan 12” Mix) - Central Line: Something I love about this song is the crowd noise that breaks in with a ‘woo’ near the beginning. It’s such a strange little detail that instantly injects so much life and love into the track. It positions it at a party rather than a studio from the outset and somehow that mindset carries through the whole rest of the song even though the crowd noise only lasts a couple of seconds until they reconvene right at the very end.

Freedom - Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five: There was a time in the history of rap music where some kind of government mandate demanded that every song go for at least 7 minutes, so you ended up with great songs like this where they spend a good couple minutes in the middle killing time by going through everyone’s star sign and then asking the crowd their star sign too. Also they appear to have recorded their own kazoos on the track over the kazoos in the sample, which is a lesson in good production everyone take.

Freedom Funk It Up Freedom - Freedom: I was looking up where the sample on that Grandmaster Flash song Freedom was from and it turns out it’s from this band called Freedom. Easy enough. This isn’t the song Freedom samples though, this is Freedom’s other song Freedom Funk It Up Freedom. It’s fucking hot and contains maybe the livest crowd I’ve ever heard, they are just going absolutely nuts the whole time and it only helps the energy of the song which is already off the charts.

Set Guitars To Kill (Live) - And So I Watch You From Afar: For the 10th anniversary of their debut album, And So I Watch You From Afar just played the whole thing front ot back and put it out as a live album, and it’s amazing. They’re an instrumental band that’s always emphasised the rock part of post-rock, in the same space as bands like 65daysofstatic and Russian Circles but not so self-serious about it, just big honking rock and roll tunes with a surprising depth and complexity to them that never get bogged down in ambient buildups or the other space-making trappings of post-rock. Their debut album has always been my favourite of theirs because it felt the most ‘live’ and wasn’t as cleanly produced as their subsequent releases (which are still very good), and so this live version feels sort of like a definitive version for me, like this is how it was always meant to sound but they didn’t have enough fans to do the ‘woo!’ part properly yet, which is one of the most purely joyful moments in music.

Bullet The Blue Sky (Live) - U2: I saw U2 this week for the second time in my life and guess what: they’re still great. Even though they’re old as fuck and Bono is getting stranger and stranger they’ve still got it. They have a very good bit of stage design going with this current tour where for a big chunk of it they’re out on a little platform in the middle of everyone with no screens or fancy lights and it’s one of the most effective ways I’ve seen of making an arena show feel like an actual intimate experience. I was a million miles away and Bono looked like an ant more than usual but the energy still came across. Then, when they do the Joshua Tree Start To Finish part of the show they have big visuals for every song but it’s still pretty light on actual cameras on the band, which I think works really well - a sort of best of both worlds where you get the arena show but the actual band performance. This song was a highlight for me, and they’ve somehow managed to make it even more ferocious now than ever before. It got extremely noisy, far noisier than you’d ever expect from U2 at least and really amped up the swirling energy that I’ve always loved about this song. People accuse U2's politics of being too wide ranging, and it's well founded they're the prototypical 'heal the world' rock stars - even in this song and the way they've repurposed its messages to fit various political causes over the years they've tried to dilute it, but this feels to me like a song that you can't wash the meaning out of no matter how hard you try. It's one of the best and most direct criticisms of American evil put to song, and it's an arena song that doesn't particularly have an arena melody to it. Especially in the Joshua Tree/Rattle And Hum era, U2 have always been captivated by the American mythos but have never been able to completely ingratiate themselves as an American Rock Band because they're not and I think that point of difference in identity has them uniquely positioned to criticise the American mythos as well. They can have it both ways because they can't fully have it, so in this song the circle of American violence is complete in the women and children who run from the American fighter planes into the arms of America as refugees. Bono's actually mad, which is a nice change of pace from love healing the world.

Gingerly - Enemies: I love this Enemies album so much. A sweet spot between post-rock and midwest emo math guitar, and listening to it now this song really stood out in a way it hasn’t before. It turns up at a good spot in the album just as you might be getting tired of the twinkly clean guitars that characterise the rest of it and burns a hole in the speaker with that distorted bass and siren guitar sound.

You Look Certain (I’m Not So Sure) - WXAXRXP Session - Mount Kimbie: I think every band should get the chance to re-record their album a year or two after they’ve put it out, once they’ve had a chance to really sit with the songs for a while and figure out exactly how they work because this version is just so much better than the album version (which was already great!). The guitar sound is so much bigger, properly leaning into the post-punk idea they were only exploring on the album, and the vocals are so much stronger and more up front which makes it feel so much more like a full song than an experiment. This whole Warp Session EP is fantastic and I’ve been listening to it on repeat, it’s so great that they’ve morphed from this insular electronic duo into a proper band over the years and I'm excited to see where they'll take it next.

Peace To All Freaks - of Montreal: The new of Montreal single is great. Embracing an 80s dance vibe and immediately turning his back on it in the opening lines and not going out because he needs to educate himself instead. I love this song, an unironic and non-cheesy rallying against negativity which is a lot harder to do with earnesty than they make it sound here.

Taipei - Social Climbers: Thankyou to my friend and yours agrifuture for this recommendation. Social Climbers played an odd and paranoid version of art rock in the early 80s that on this song at least sounds more like modern opera trying to fit itself to a rock band than anything else. I can also say with confidence this is the only song I’ve ever heard where someone sends a quiche back in the middle of it.

Mad Eyed Screamer - The Creatures: I’ve never gotten much into Siouxie And The Bashees, they're probably somewhere on my list of bands to have a deep three week long obsession with somewhere in the future, but for now my biggest exposure to them is the time The Weeknd sampled them. I am, however, deeply interested in this drums and vocals only side project that Siouxie Sioux formed with her then-partner Budgie. I’m a big fan of any kind of restricted composition like this and I love this song. It’s so busy and the amount of reverb and extra percussion going on makes for this extremely chaotic, noisy vision of what is essentially a folk song in its lyric and melody.

Black Magic - Jarvis Cocker: I found out that the main guitar part in this song is sampled from Crimson & Clover by Tommy James and The Shondells. Which is something I don’t think I’ve ever seen before, a rock song like this built around a sample. Not exactly sampling in order to recontextualise across genres or approaches but sampling to recontextualise in a lateral, parallel approach. I love this song because his delivery is so feverish and impassioned it really does feel like he’s seen beyond the veil and come back without the language or capacity to explain what he saw, only the passion.

Year In Pictures - Dick Diver: Every year since this album came out it's shown up somewhere in my Spotify most listened list at the end of the year. It's surprising because I don't think of it as one of my all time favourites when it definitely is, it's such an easy listen that it just comes and goes pleasantly. This song is kind of about that feeling I guess, of things just happening and time just passing pleasantly enough year on year, everthing in its own time while the past disappears and doesn't matter anymore. "Whatever happens, I think everything will"

Heart - Bertie Blackman: I love the percussion in this song, the same propulsive clapping-centred beat that makes Single Ladies so good with the dark grinding bass underneath it that just pulses malevolently until the gearshift of the chorus where it morphs immediately into this 60s soul version of itself, with the ooh la la backing vocals and everthing, and that disonnance between the two styles drives the song for me. Where the verse lays out the evil plainly and the music matches, the chorus accentuates it in wide eyed irony "I know there's something sick with what I've been sold" sung with a smile and showgirl backing vocals.

Love Lockdown - Kanye West: Something I think we’re all learning as Kanye loses his mind completely on the world stage is that Kanye has always been insane. He has always had an unnervingly powerful self-belief and unwavering vision that has up until recently been what made him such a unique and era-defining artist. After the radical directions of MBDTF and Yeezus it’s sort of hard to remember just how radical 808s And Heartbreaks was at the time because unlike the self aware harshness and strangeness of the other two it was also so pop adjacent, because of its 80s synthpop influence but also because of the way it (and T-Pain) impacted all other pop music of the time. The instrumentation on this song is still so staggering, even just the pitched kick at the centre I could listen to on loop forever I think.

It Might Be Time - Tame Impala: Absolutely cannot wait for the new Tame Impala if this and Patience are any indication. The absolutely huge blown out drums on this are so good and remind me of something I’ve been trying to place for weeks and can’t. Maybe a Chemical Brothers song or some kind of big beat era thing. I think of Kevin Parker and Adam Granduciel from The War On Drugs as the same kind of guys, absolute craftsmen studio nerds that are completely obsessed with sound but unlike most other guys of that genre are actually great songwriters as well. Long haired studio hermits that emerge every few years to bless us all.

Never Again - Kelly Clarkson: I’ve been trying to decide whether this or Since U Been Gone is a better song and I’ve settled on this having the superior verses and Since U Been Gone the better chorus. The absolute venom in the lyrics is incredible. “I hope the ring you gave to her turns her finger green.  I hope when you’re in bed with her you think of me” is like.. the most metal opening I’ve ever heard. She literally sings “You’ll die together, but alone” in the second verse, jesus christ.

Giant Swan - The Blood Brothers: I found out recently from reading the wiki article on screamo (which like almost all wiki articles about music genres is about 60% artists claiming that genres are fake and critics coining new genre names half in jest) that The Blood Brothers were apparently part of a screamo subgenre called Sass, which is a term I have never heard before in my life and certainly never heard in the heyday of the style. You learn something every day I suppose. “It originated as an opposing style of hardcore punk to the machismo in heavy hardcore scenes. It takes influence from genres such as post-punk, new wave, disco, electronic, dance-punk, emoviolence, grindcore, metalcore and heavy hardcore. The genre is characterized by often incorporating overtly flamboyant mannerisms, erotic lyrics featuring sexual tension, and a lisping vocal style. The genre is also noted for its "spastic edge", blast beats, chaotic guitars, danceable beats and the use of synthesizers.” My understanding is that when emo went mainstream and the split between ‘emo’ as a music and ‘scene’ as a fashion occurred, this is the music that emerged from the middle ground. Turning against the masculinity of their screamo forebears and toward the queer aesthetics of scene, the resulting style was still furious and violent but furious with a light cabaret (but like, if cabaret was good and not just a guy in a top hat emoting, a different style of emo that Panic! At The Disco famously pioneered) and violent in a psychedelic, surreal way that set it apart from the depressed and black aesthetics of the rest of emo. I love The Blood Brothers and have never found another band like them in terms of lyrical inventiveness and sheer vocal insanity, the characteristic shrill falsetto that sporadically turns to screams is an amazing choice that’s incredible it works at all. This song especially stands out as unique even amongst the chaos of their discography. The loping lounge feel in the first half, coupled with the properly surreal description of the giant swan in the lyrics establishes such an strange and dark cabaret mood that makes this song so oddly singular to me.

The Ripper - The Used: I really appreciate the production on this whole album, it is so overdone and hyperactive that it creates this irrepressible momentum because something is always happening. The songs themselves are incredibly compressed in structure and extremely hook heavy, and it feels like to counteract and complement that approach they‘ve been gone over bar by bar finding every possible spot to add interest. Dynamics shifting, drums filtering and then revealing themselves, choirs appearing from this air for two lines. Guitar squeals fly in and out in the background and the bass suddenly becomes extremely chunky in parts. The whole mix gets sucked down a black hole and then a little glockenspiel outlines the vocal melody in the background for a second leading back into a huge chorus. Everything happen in this short song. It’s an interesting approach that can be overwhelming, but it has undeniable results.

Ilana - Mdou Moctar: Mdou Moctar rocks because he takes a big power chord riff like the one at the start of this song that could just as easily start a Thin Lizzy song and then immediately discards it and twists a melting solo that crosses time and space for the rest of the song instead.

Ancestral Recall (feat. Saul Williams) - Christian Scott aTunde Adjuah: The press release for this album says: “In its inception, Ancestral Recall was built as a map to de-colonialize sound; to challenge previously held misconceptions about some cultures of music; to codify a new folkloric tradition and begin the work of creating a national set of rhythms; rhythms rooted in the synergy between West African, First Nation, African Diaspora/Caribbean rhythms and their marriage to rhythmic templates found in trap music, alt-rock, and other modern forms. It is time we created a sound that dispels singular narratives of entire peoples and looks to finally represent the wealth of narratives found throughout the American experience. One that shows that all forms of expression in sound are valid, as all people are." All that and a bit of spoken word at the start that sounds like Hannibal Buress’ Morpheus Walruses rap and I’m sold. I’m such a fan of jazz like this that purposefully opens itself up to the influence of the modern world and modern tradition, and the percussion work across this album in particular is so unique and really does what he set out to do in my opinion, bringing the rhythms of tradition into a modern context seamlessly.

Spider Hole - Billy Woods & Kenny Segal: I only found out about Billy Woods this month and I’m surprised I’ve never heard of him before because he feels like the middle of the venn diagram between Earl Sweatshirt, Aesop Rock and Death Grips. This flat out sounds like a Death Grips song played at half speed. The justified paranoia and anger that runs through this whole album is palpable and jumbled, centring around a feeling of lashing out in a moment of hopelessness because you don’t know what else you can do. "4 million USD hovering over some mud huts, it's nuts, it's not the heat it's the dust" is one of the most evocative lines of the year for me.

El Toro Combo Meal (feat. Mavi) - Earl Sweatshirt: When this new earl EP came out I listened to it 4 times in a row because it is just so compulsively brilliant. He’s refining his style more and more with every release and he’s honed it to this fine point now where every song is so super dense in its lyrical content and production that a full length release would almost be too much. There’s just so much to absorb here. Mavi’s verse is incredible too. I’ve never heard of him before but I’m a big supporter now. The beats too, through this whole EP are the kind that sound like a radio stuck between stations - looping snatches of vocals and drums drowned out in tape hiss where the beat is only a suggestion that Mavi and Earl both glide over on some sort of metric modulation and only land every now and then just to take off again.

Drug Dealer - Slowthai: Slowthai is so full of fire on this song it's scary. Facing a dead end future down and screaming that something's gotta change, and that he's the one to do it.

Lighthouse (feat. Rico Nasty, Slowthai and ICECOLDBISHOP) - Take A Daytrip: I have never heard of Take A Daytrip before this song but doing some research it turns out I have heard them, because they produced Panini by Lil Nas X. I have also never heard of ICECOLDBISHOP before but the way he brings an absolutely deranged verse on this song has made me an instant fan. I love this trio of features: three out there, huge personality voices at the outer limits of mainstream rap that in their oddness complement each other perfectly.

Rich Girl - Michie One & Louchie Lou: Something I learned this month was that Rich Girl by Gwen Stefani isn't a direct rip of If I Were A Rich Man from Fiddler On The Roof, it actually samples this song which acts as a sort of bridge between the two, and I think there's something interesting in the transfer of intention between the three songs, lyrically and musically. In the original his conception of a rich man is someone who can afford to have lots of ducks and geese, eat well and have enough time to pray because he doesn't have to work, then in the Michie One & Louchie Lou version rich is being able to feed your family and start a school (as well as play the horses and never lose), and in the Gwen Stefani version rich is having a house in Hollywood and London, clearing out designer stores, and buying four Harajuku girls and naming them Love, Angel, Music and Baby. It spirals up mercilessly from geese to, I guess, human trafficking. Musically there's a transformation as well, where the jewishness of the 'daidle daidle deedle daidle dumb' in the orginal is changed to a 'na na na na na' in this version and only a part of the original melodic lilt remains, a part that is completely ironed out in the Gwen Stefani version's 'na na na na na's. The downsides of wealth morph too, in the original it's simply not a part of God's plan, in this version it can't buy love, is the root of all evil (is a  worldwide thing / rich is getting richer while the poor are getting stink) and only leads to more trouble (you reap but you never did sow / rich today you could be poor tomorrow / mind your back and watch your enemies grow) but in the Gwen Stefani version being rich is amazing on its own and the only thing that can top it is your love.

Santa Teresa - EOB: Tricked into enjoying ambient side projects once again. Ed O'Brien from Radiohead's new side project came up on my Discover Weekly without me realising it was him and I absolutely loved it. It’s expansive and cinematic and nice in a way that feels rare in ambient experimental stuff like this, to not be morose or depressing and gloomy for its own sake. It’s sharp and angular, or as sharp and angular as a song as slow moving as this can be and reminds me in part of HEALTH’s Max Payne 3 soundtrack, and Emma Ruth Rundle’s Electric Guitar One which are both masterpieces on their own.

Rough Sleeper - Burial: Reading Mark Fisher’s Ghosts Of My Life I was pleasantly surprised to see his Burial interview in there that I remember reading years and years ago before I knew who Mark Fisher was. I’ve thought of parts of that article here and there ever since and finally placing it in the wider context of Mark’s work was very satisfying, it’s funny how people come back to you in different forms over your lifetime. I don’t listen to Burial much now, or at least not as much as I used to at the height of my depression a few years ago where he was on near constant repeat and as a result his music became completely waterlogged with the feeling of that time and I couldn’t listen to him at all for a while without the memories completely marring any appreciation. But time passes as it does and it’s a nice feeling to finally be able to listen to Untrue again and not have it be so permanently soaked with memories of the worst time of my life, and now with a different mindset and viewpoint I can really see different sides of his music. Where before all I could hear was the bleak and empty future haunted by the ghosts of the past, now new colours appear - a warmth of hazy, pleasant memory and imagination. Reds and oranges creep into the black and grey and this song can feel like staying under covers while it storms outside instead of standing in the rain.

Night MXCMPV1 P74 - Venetian Snares & Daniel Lanois: I really don’t think I’ll ever hear another album like this in my life. The push and pull of the humanity of Lanois’ pedal steel and the digital nightmare of Venetian Snares percussion is just so engaging, and the moments where they overlap and move together in harmony contrast so beautifully with the times they feel like they’re playing two different songs altogether. Then they overlap, the effects overpower the steel guitar and it moves into a leaping angular digital realm and the percussion coalesces into an altogether human rush, or as human as Venetian Snares can be.

Were You There When They Crucified My Lord - Marisa Anderson: I can't find the quote but somewhere when she was doing interviews about this album Traditional And Public Domain songs, Marisa Anderson said part of the reason she likes traditional songs so much is because when she was coming up and playing in cafes around town she mistakenly thought she'd have to pay royalties if she did covers of popular songs, so she only did public domain songs instead.

Were You There When They Crucified My Lord - Johnny Cash: Another side of Were You There When They Crucified My Lord, one that expands magically into an amazing many-layered harmony led by June’s high and lonesome howl.

See That My Grave's Kept Clean - Blind Lemon Jefferson: Jefferson was buried at Wortham Negro Cemetery in 1929. His grave was unmarked until 1967, when a Texas historical marker was erected in the general area of his plot; however, the precise location of the grave is still unknown. By 1996, the cemetery and marker were in poor condition, and a new granite headstone was erected in 1997. The inscription reads: "Lord, it's one kind favour I'll ask of you, see that my grave is kept clean." In 2007, the cemetery's name was changed to Blind Lemon Memorial Cemetery, and his gravesite is kept clean by a cemetery committee in Wortham.

The Giza Power Plant - Blood Incantation: What I find so appealing about Blood Incantation is how dedicated they are. Zealots to the cult of being long haired death metal guys who wholeheartedly and sincerely believe in interdimensional aliens and the pyramids being the remnants of an ancient advanced technology. The dedication extends to them being maybe some of the best players in the genre I’ve ever heard, and them recording this whole album analog live in studio is such a feat of performance that adds another layer of intensity to this already extremely intense music.

listen here

[beyoncesdragon]

A little help, a little love (Harry Styles)

Requested: yes, on my wattpad :)

Warnings: language as per usual

a/n: the one you can find on my wattpad has a slightly different ending, so if you coincidentally read that other one first, maybe give this a try too! I actually wrote this ending first, but somehow decided I would rewrite the whole thing #3amthoughts. 

My Masterlist  this can be found on my Wattpad

(Gif found on Pinterest) 

The smell of green tea and cookies hit my nose when I opened the door to the Shangri-La studios. Harry must be really upset with the song…green tea and cookies had always counted as a distressing sort of ritual Harry and I had practiced, when one of us was seriously stressed out. Though, we had not been able to sit down for tea and talk in a while, due each of our jobs. 

Being a singer and songrwriter and traveling around the globe had been both of our dreams since little, but now actually living that life had made us drift apart inevitably. Harry and I had met way back in first grade, when I moved in just next to his house. I had been the new one for quite a while, not immediately hitting it off with Harry. Not that we disliked each other, more because he had his friends and he was a boy and I was new and a girl. That was why, apart from both of us being in the state of utter disgust about the other sex, we had seen no business in talking to each other. I had then quickly found my own people and so we coexisted for quite a while, before we both discovered our shared passion for music and especially, for Fleetwood Mac. That was in maybe sixth grade…we were eleven that time. 

From that moment on, we had suddenly spent several afternoons together, talking about music and listening to different kinds. When Harry had joined the school band White Eskimo, he had started to teach me how to play guitar and I had  taught myself how to play bass. I remember being quite butthurt when one of his friends and former bandmember “Joshie” refused to let me join the band, even though they were indeed short of a bass player. 

Just a few years later, Harry had auditioned for the X-Factor…and the rest was probably written down in historybooks. For me however, had started a rather difficult time as I struggled to find something that I would enjoy doing for living. This frustrating phase of my life had resulted in me writing songs about it and uploading them on YouTube – from where I got soon discovered by the record label Colombia Records. Maybe, and I still haven’t gotten clarity over it, Harry helped with that a little bit. But he refused to say something about it, to this very day. 

Whilst he had then toured with One Direction, I had started to produce my own music and also write. I learned several different instruments during that time, adding the piano and keyboard, drum kit and even a little tiny bit of violin to the bass and guitar. 

During that whole time, when my career finally took off completely and Harry’s seemed to rise out of sight, he and I had remained close friends. Not the closest of friends, due already mentioned schedule, but as close as possible. However, now that Harry went solo for quite a while, we had seen each other a bit more often – albeit that ended when he went on tour again. Though, we had had a show together, London I believe it was. For both of our fans that hadn’t been too much of a surprise since it was widely known that we were good friends.

And now he already was at his second album and for that, he had called me. Sounding close to devastated on the phone, he had confessed that he couldn’t manage to finish a single song, and that he was even further from writing a new one. So I had decided to pay him a visit in the famous Shangri-La studios where he was recording his album at the moment. 

And there I was, slipping out of my shoes and taking off my pair of Sunglasses I had out on because of paparazzi that had unfortunately gotten wind of my visit in the states. Harry had left the gate and door open for me to just walk in, promising that he would be alone in the studio so I wouldn’t have to feel awkward when walking in. 

“Harry?” I called out. Hearing how the faint melody of someone playing guitar stopped. 

“Princess? Is that you?” I grinned at the pet name and walked towards the direction I meant it coming from. “It is. Where are you?” in this second, the door almost behind me got ripped open and I jumped slightly. 

“There you are…how’s the world’s favourite curly doing?” he grinned softly before wrapping his arms around me. 

“Terrible. I can’t write music anymore, I am a failure and I don’t deserve to be here.” I laughed into the fabric of his shirt, enjoying the warmth of his hug. “Bullshit m’love. I am sure we can fix this.” He just hummed, staying in the embrace for a little longer, before then stepping away. “Gods know how I’ve missed ye…” he said, and the small, dimply smile he gave me, stole a beat of my heart. “Missed you too Harry. A lot. We should drink tea more often.” I said with a smirk, looking up at him. He hummed in agreement before softly nudging me inside the studio. I let my eyes wander over the variety of instruments and the huge control-panel. 

“In-fucking-sane.” I said with a grin and he laughed. “I know right? And despite all of this…” he dramatically pointed at the equipment, “am I not able to produce anything that is anyhow acceptable and I am ashamed.” I laughed and walked over to him, just to wrap my arms around his waist one more time. 

“Don’t be. Where is the problem? Or shall we first do the tea part…?” he gave me a soft pout and nodded, carefully dragging me to the little couch area in the corner of the studio. 

Someone – Harry – had set up a large tea pot of steaming green tea and a jar of still warm cookies next to it. He dropped down on the couch, immediately pouring some of the tea into two tea cups. I sat down on a fluffy chair on the other side of the table, giving him a thankful smile. 

“Thank you H. How’ve you been apart from the writing?” he shrugged slyly, pouring himself a cup of tea. “The thingy with Camille, but I told you about that…” I pulled a face. 

“Yeah that was nasty. Anything going on apart from that, of which I don’t know?” he shrugged, before shaking his head slowly. “I have really just been writing songs and making music ever since. Which is why this whole damn…thing is so frustrating.” I could only chuckle, carefully placing the cup down. “Then let’s not sulk around any longer. I can’t drink a proper tea with a man in a fuss.” he got up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and lifting me a few inches off the ground. 

“As you command my lady. What do you want to do first?” I yelped at him lifting me up, not really liking the loss of control I experienced at the moment. “I’d start with you letting me down, you annoying asshole. Then, show me a few of your songs you have already written and produced.” Harry obeyed, quickly pressing a kiss on my cheeks before walking over to the computers. 

“First one is called Fine Line. I think you will like it, it’s a very…raw song, kinda. You will understand. Ready?” I nodded quickly, sitting down on the chair in front of the control panel.

The song was beautiful, soft and simple and it made my heart bleed, though at the same time it healed it. Harry had faced the ground during the whole six minutes or such, the light from the large windows only hitting one side of his face. It made his eyes shine in two different shades of green: one in a light, with brown and gold specked lime and the other in a dark olive. My eyes trailed further down to the bridge of his nose and to his cupids bow. He had his lips pressed together, making them appear white. From time to time he relaxed them, causing the blood that rushed back, to colour them in a deep raspberry pink. He was just…beautiful. 

And talented, Fine Line was a master piece. “How’d ye like it?” he asked carefully, looking up to me again. “I absolutely loved it. What number of songs do you want the album to have?” Harry’s face relaxed slightly before he shrugged.

“I will probably get twelve on the album again…I am toying with the thought of making it the last track of the album.” I nodded instantly. “Yes. That’s brilliant…you’d end the album with “We’ll be alright” then…I absolutely love that.” He grinned proudly. 

“Then track #12 it is. Ready for the next one?” I nodded quickly, leaning back again and closing my eyes whilst Harry clicked play for the next song. When I opened them again at the end of the track, I caught him staring at me. “Like what you see?” I teased cheekily and he shook his head with a grin. 

“I love it.” I could only smile about that. “How was that one?” he then asked after a minute of silence. “I liked it. ‘Suppose it’s called “She”? or did I get that mixed up?” he grinned, shoving me off playfully. “Yeah it is. Those are the only ones I haven’t sent you…Adore you, Golden, She, Cherry…you’ve heard them all, right?” He then said with a shrug and I nodded. “I have. Even Watermelon sugar by the way. Then which one is the problematic child of yours?” he sighed softly, switching the track. 

“That one. I already planned it to be one of the singles to be released, I know the name I know how I want the visuals to look like but…the song itself is one big…construction site.” I nodded slowly. “Play what you already have.” He obeyed wordlessly, starting the snippet of the song. It started with a slow crescendo, an electronic sound mixed with a simple guitar chord. i was surprised by the sudden drums, positively however. Harry’s voice sounded a bit different than before. More hoarse, more scratchy and still very soft and gentle. I nodded slowly with the beat of the song. It was good…but something missed. The refrain started to play, a guitar more provisionally playing a few chords before Harry started with an idea of a strong vocal, not the full blow he could manage to sing. I stopped the song with a quick gesture. 

“I really like how the song builds up so far…though I don’t like the guitar with the bridge. It’s not…powerful enough. A guitar is more…plucking and way too playful. We got to replace this…” I started and Harry nodded slowly. “You are right. What would you insert there? A…violin?” I giggled softly and shook my head. “Piano, keyboard, something like that. No more strings Harry!” he grinned, helping me up. 

“Then there you go. Do your magic.” I shove him away lovingly, walking over to the set up keyboard, and turning it on. “Okay…play it again please…” and so we started, he played the song and I tried to follow the melody in a soft and easy way, without taking the attention off Harry’s soft voice. And that we did, again and again.

Two hours had passed since we started, the sun had started to set and I was sure that I could sing every lyric in my sleep. But we finally finished it…and I loved the song. Harry and I had ended up with the piano mixed softly with a little bit of guitar and he had added some more percussion. A thing I had done as well, a simple djembe had done the job. 

“I feel like…something is still missing somehow.” Harry confessed sheepishly, giving me an innocent look. “What? Spill Harry, you know I won’t be weirded out.” I replied with an eye roll. My feet were drawn up to my chest and I sat on the swivel chair in front of the console again. Harry, who stood behind the chair so we would both have a good look on the screen grinned, before softly wrapping his arms around me. “I don’t think it should be my voice alone in the refrain. You know, that shine-thingy…” I frowned softly. 

“You want me on the song?” he nodded, giving me big doe eyes. I sighed and nodded softly. “Yes sure…but can we please do that tomorrow? I am tired H.” Harry nodded immediately, stepping away from the chair. “You have stuff for sleeping over here?” I shook my head. “Nope. I actually planned on going back into a hotel I checked in…my stuff’s there. I didn’t knew that the SL-studios had bedrooms?” he shrugged. 

“They have three actually. Do you wanna sleep here and just take some of my clothes?” I nodded quickly, feeling sleepy all out of a sudden. “Then come on up princess. Let’s get you tucked in.” he offered his hand and I pulled myself out of the chair with it. I was just a tad surprised when he held on to my hand for some time, but maybe he was as sleepy as I was – and sleepy Harry is cuddly like no other humanly creature I knew.

Ten minutes, an oversized Harry-tee and a new teeth brush later, Harry and I stood in the bathroom together. I had decided that I was simply too tired to stand, so it sat down on the cold marble floor, earning an amused chuckle from Harry. I shushed him with a slap on his leg, before he dropped down next to me. 

“Feels like a flashback t’those nights y’were tipsy after clubbing.” He mumbled through the teeth paste and I snorted. “When we both were drunk. Don’t try and…escape your past Mister.” He laughed quietly before getting up to wash his face and mouth. Just seconds later I did the same. 

“What room should I take?” I asked after we both exited the bathroom. “Oh about that…” Harry started, a soft blush suddenly spreading on his cheeks. “Would you mind sleeping over at mine? It’s just because I really missed you and I don’t want to feel lonely…” 

“and because you’re a needy, cuddly little baby. It’s okay Harry, as long as I can sleep on the left side.” He threw me a sly grin before suddenly sprinting down the hallway. 

“The faster is the quicker.” He yelled and I sprinted after him with an outraged cry. Harry ended up on the left side, what made me pout for an eternity, before he got up with a sigh, dropped down on the other side and wrapped his arms around me. 

“Better?” I nodded. “Way better. Good night Harry.” He yawned sleepily, resting his face in the back of my neck. “G’night lovie. I am so glad you’re here.” I chuckled softly, snuggling myself a little closer into my best friends embrace. “Me too. Now sleep, we have work to do tomorrow.” He mumbled something under his breath before sighing. “Mitch, Sammy and Tyler are coming tomorrow. N’ Jeff as well. Maybe Sarah…yeh, Sarah as well. You are okay with that, right?” I nodded softly. “Sure, I love them. Especially Sarah’s fruit salad. Speaking of, can she bring some?” Harry laughed silently, grabbing his phone from the nightstand. “I can ask…”

-

The next morning I stumbled into the studio in still Harry’s shirt and shorts, not exactly expecting everyone already being present. And if I say everyone I mean everyone, the whole bloody band and some of the writers including Jeff, were present. 

There was Sarah, relaxedly leaned back on the couch in the back, Mitch right next to her with a bass in his hands, Sammy and Tyler crouched over the control panel, Clair (the only one from his band I hadn’t really met properly) with a mug of coffee at the broad window ledge and Adam, carefully polishing another bass. The second I entered – mind you, still in a messy bun and sleepy – the conversation in the room died down immediately. Everyone stared at me for a second, before Sarah yelled; 

“I got your fruit salad baby!” from the back of the studio and the awkward bubble of “Oh shit what do I do” burst into pieces. Harry, who leaned against the panel, was the closest to me, so he was the first to hug me. 

“Morning princess. Have ye slept well?” I nodded, still a bit droopy, before hitting his bicep softly. “Could’ve said something instead of just disappearing! S’embarassing, fucks sake…” he just laughed and shook his head. 

“Bullshit babe. Ye looked adorable, like a cute little deer in the spotlight.” I snorted and pushed him away. “Yeah, cute.” I retorted sarcastically, before I went on to hug Claire. “Nice to finally meet you. was a bit of a rush in London back then…but I am glad you made it here.” She greeted me friendly, and I instantly liked her. 

“Agree. Sorry I had to leave so quick after the show…couldn’t say goodbye properly to you.” she just waved it off, before stepping aside for me to greet Jeff, Sammy and Tyler. “Look at that A-list celeb in a baggy shirt that’s not even hers, shorts and fuzzy socks.” Sammy immediately teased. 

Oh, right. I was not only wearing Harry’s tee, shorts and had a (very) messy bun – I also wore blue and white striped fuzzy socks. Ideal, let me tell you. I snorted, pushing him off me with a frown. 

“Just so you know, even Ellie Saab, Gucci, Chanel or Salvatore Ferragamo aren’t comfortable always…not that you could know Sammy. You C-List producer.” I mumbled under my breath and everyone laughed loudly. 

“Shots fired! Even sleepy, A-class Pokémon Celebrity number one manages to block a shot fired by C-class Pokémon Producer and finish her opponent with super move: instant kill. Good job Trainer.” Tyler commented sarcastically and I rolled my eyes. 

“Yeah, Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light! Surrender now, or prepare to fight!” I quoted drily and Tyler pulled me into a bone crushing hug. “I fucking love that one. We should write more often.” I nodded, breaking into a soft grin. “True. Now move along, you stand between me and my fruit salad.” 

After I greeted Sarah, Mitch and the rest of the band and team, I just sat down to munch the delicious fruit salad Sarah had made for me (I loved that woman) and just listened to them talking. They had all listened to the newer version of Lights Up - that was how Harry had called it - and all agreed with Harry that I should sing those few lines with him. 

“Get up…” Harry suddenly mumbled, placing himself in front of my unbothered self. I looked up at him, shovelling another fork of fruit into my mouth. 

“Wha’?” he sighed before pulling me up, sitting on the chair I sat on before and pulling me back into his lap. “Couch’s occupied.” He then said quietly, resting his head on my shoulder. I just hummed, not paying his actions much thought. It was just Harry being affectionate. Sarah gave me a small smile that I returned thinking it was about the fruit salad, but when Claire did the same I wondered…if it perhaps was because of something else. 

“I quickly go and clean that. There’s a kitchen, right?” Sarah and Claire immediately got up. “Yep there is. I come along, need a coffee.” She explained and I nodded. “Same here.  Anyone else something?” Claire asked into the group but no one seemed to need anything. I carefully got up, Harry’s arms around me loosening up a little. He slowly lifted his chin from my shoulder so I wouldn’t knock him away, giving me a weird look. 

“What?” he shrugged. “Nothing. Would you be so kind and get me a coffee as well?” I nodded before following Claire and Sarah into the kitchen.

“You two are cute.” Claire said with a small smile, handing me a dry towel. “What? Who?” 

“Harry and you! who else?” she explained laughing and I frowned. “We aren’t a thing. Just friends as far as I know.” I explained and Sarah crossed her arms over her chest. 

“He’s just very affectionate around you.” I shrugged, feeling a little uncomfortable under the drilling of the two. “That’s just Harry? He’s always been that way.” Though it was a true fact, that he really had always been a very touchy guy, my statement came out more like a question. I mean yes, that he was very touchy right now that hadn’t gone unnoticed by me, and yes, he’s been very needy since I came here…but so? To be completely honest, it wasn’t like him being that way wouldn’t affect me, of course it did. It was also hard to not let it or him affect you in general, because Harry Styles just was a man whose presence always left an impact somehow. Be it because of his golden heart and precious persona, because of his undeniable dashing looks or his outstanding talent. And I would also lie if I’d say that his presence made my heart skip several times and his hasty touches and pecks wouldn’t make my pulse quicken. Of course it did – it was Harry. 

Claire and Sarah dropped the topic Harry after that, and we talked about the song and the process of the album whilst the coffee machine hummed.

⋆

I refused to let them make a feature out of the song. Even though, Harry almost begged me to let them, I said no. 

“I don’t want it! I don’t want to earn money off of this record Harry!” he sighed and shook his head. “But why? Because…because you don’t like it and don’t want to get associated with it?” I laughed and rolled my eyes. “Shut up you twat, I love this song like my own child. It’s because you asked me for help, and I helped. And help in a friendship doesn’t have to be rewarded. This is planned to be your first single of your new album and it is supposed to be just you. Because it’s your song Harry!” this time, it was Harry rolling his eyes at me. 

“At least let me give you a writing credit…” I groaned and shook my head. “I don’t want my name on the song. In no possible way. Additionally to this, you have not employed me. I am whether part of your band, nor your production team, I am your friend, and therefore I do not accept any form of payment. Just leave it Harry! It’s not important anyways.” 

He just shook his head. “You mad woman…but you do know that your fans probably still pick up your voice, if you like it or not.” I shrugged, pushing myself off the table. The whole team watched us, heads turning between Harry and me like during a tennis match. 

“Then so it be. I don’t care about someone recognizing my voice. I just want that this thing stays your song through and through, like any other songs I’ve done touch-ups on for you.” he opened his arms for me to hug him and as I did, he pulled me down on the couch. “You are fucking amazing do you know that?” he mumbled under his breath and I snorted. 

“Obviously.”

There had been pictures of us. Lots of them, flooding my twitter and Instagram feed, the most popular one was a snapshot of me eating fruit salad on Harry’s lap. His head rested on my shoulder, the tee that was obviously his very own perfectly well visible. 

My notifications went crazy with tagged tweets, and since the fans had caught on to the fact that it was indeed, my voice in Lights up,  Harry’s and mine ship name was trending. Mitch that little bastard only fuelled the fire by liking a tweet saying: 

“Now I know where Harry has all those fruit references from.” 

The picture just described linked to it. It now had been retweeted fifty-six thousand times and I was on the verge of flying over seas and strangling Mitch with my own hands. That bloody twit. That hashtag was now trending for two days already and I had received multiple phone calls from several of my family and friends, asking if I was really dating Harry Styles and when the wedding would take place and if I would go on tour with him and if by chance, I would already be pregnant and if, if I already knew what gender the angel was. Long story short, they were all driving me crazy, even if they weren’t serious and just making fun of the whole situation. 

And I had heard nothing of Harry. He had not called, texted, tweeted or written an email and I was too scared to call him again. I had, one time, but he hadn’t picked up and since then I had given it up. I just wanted to know what he thought of this whole thing, of us trending of now two fandoms pretty much shipping us and all that mess that had started, simply because some stupid snap shots of us were leaked. 

And when I wanted to know his thoughts about it, at the same time I didn’t. I was anxious, because I wouldn’t know how to react if he disliked us being shipped, if he really just saw me as a friend like I always said I did, or if there had be some truth hidden in Claire and Sarah’s assumptions. Because speaking strictly for myself…I caught myself not bothering about being pictured as Harry’s girlfriend. 

And the longer this madness was going on, the more I was convinced that I knew that when he first hugged me as I stepped into the SL-Studios, around a month ago.

And maybe my hopeless romantic heart would’ve had a little bit more confidence about the whole thingy, if there hadn’t been this Late Late show thing with Kendall Jenner, that set the internet in an even greater fuss than before. I read tweets like 

“#Hendall coming for their necks”

and 

“Omg the way they look at each other! #Hendall is rising again!” 

and other tweets that fuelled slight insecurity. But thanks to Mitch’s actions (that knob)…our ship was still trending and I still wasn’t sure if I liked it entirely or not. 

Facts however was, that I would have to talk with Harry about it, sooner or later. Because the thing wouldn’t go away until one of us would say something. The question was only how: in person or over phone.

I obviously would’ve preferred it over phone because I wasn’t already ready to confess my feelings that I had tried to hide away from everyone, but one look on my face and he would know that something’s in the bushes. To my displeasure had he the ability to read me quite well. And over phone, that was way harder. 

⋆

The clicking of my front door made me flinch and almost spill the hot tea over my fingers. 

“Hello?” I asked confused, knowing that there were three people including me, in possession of a key to my house: my manager, me and well…Harry? 

“’Ello there love…sorry I didn’t wanted to ring and wait because there were people and I felt like if I don’t step in now, I will get recognised. By the way, how comes that you have the same key for the elevator and the door lock, but not every apartment can be opened with that key? When the elevator is for everyone in the private apartment’s…with key?” I grinned at his flood of question and shrugged.

“I really don’t know, but may I ask what in the bloody hell you are doing here? I thought you’re in LA?” he shrugged, placing a Gucci luggage with colourful Mickey mouse print down. 

“Oh ye know…” he said smugly, slipping out of his shoes. “Planning to crash for a few?” I remarked, nodding towards the luggage. He just shrugged. 

“Depends. However, to answer your first question: I am meeting a very lovely lady that has stubbornly denied getting any credit of feature on my album. To answer the second question…I was in LA, yes. Then I took that thing they call airplane and…” I got up with a chuckle and wrapped my arms around him. “Yeah shut it, you big fool. I wasn’t planning on sounding rude, I was just a bit startled because I was just thinking of you.” he rose his eyebrows. 

“I am flattered. Was it a nice dream?” I felt my cheeks heat up a little. “I haven’t dreamt about you, you narcissistic asshole.” He just winked cheekily. “Sure not…” “and if I would, it would’ve been a nightmare.” I closed off and he grinned. “Rude.” 

“Asked for it.” He shrugged, dragging me to the couch before saying another word. “What are you doing?” I asked, letting him pull me down next to him. 

“We need to talk.” He explained, suddenly seeming way more serious. “You don’t wanna drink or eat anything…” I asked carefully, but he just shook his head. “Had something on m’ way. Now…” he took a deep breath and scooted back a little so he could rest against back of the couch. “I am pretty sure you are aware of that twitter thing going on…” he said with careful glance at my face…and I couldn’t help but feel my cheeks heat up. 

“Obviously.” He hummed quickly before continuing. “What do you think of it?” well, this was not how I wanted it to roll. I didn’t wanted to be the first one speaking up. (but then I should’ve probably done the same thing Harry did – and finally grow a pair). However, right now I felt unprepared and flustered and nervous. I was taken aback by him appearing on my doorstep out of the blue and coming to the point that quickly. 

“I don’t…I don’t know really.” I managed to stutter and avoided his eyes strictly. Just calm down, Jesus Christ…breathe. 

“That means…?” he asked carefully, eyes expectantly resting on me. “It means that I don’t know. Like, maybe I mind it but probably I don’t because I don’t really mind the thought of us but just maybe and I don’t know.” Harry’s brows were furrowed as he tried to follow my torrent of words. 

“I…understand. Partly.” He said, a soft smirk settling on his face. “So you don’t…mind them.” 

“Them what?” he leaned forward a bit, supporting his head with his arms on his knees. “Them shipping us.” I gulped. “I guess I don’t.” he nodded slowly. 

“Alright. And if I told you that I don’t either, what does that mean for us?” my heart skipped a beat. Well, maybe three or four beats at his words and my eyes grew wide. “Y-you don’t mind?” he shook his head, the hint of a blush covering his cheeks. 

“I actually...never really did. I liked the thought of us for a good while now. And the twitter thing…well it only confirmed me.” He then confessed, giving me a nervous chuckle. 

“Are you kidding me?” I asked slowly, growing almost smug when I watched his blush deepen.

“I…I am not.” With a swift move I leaped forward and tackled him backwards down on the couch. “And all that damn time you have never called? You idiot!” he laughed bringing his hand up to my face. 

“Sorry I let you suffer, but you could’ve called too.” I huffed, obviously being aware of that. “No I couldn’t, because first of all, I am a coward you know that, and second, I was embarrassed because you were supposed to be my best friend and you don’t fall for your best friend and third, the whole interview thing with Kendall…” 

Harry laughed out loud. “Kendall? You got jealous because of my interview with Kendall?” I snorted. “I don’t know what you have with putting words in my mouth I never said, I never once said that I got jealous…” Harry cut me off with a quick peck on my lips and a knowing twinkle in his eyes. 

“Yeah maybe I got jealous…” I mumbled with a scrunched nose and he laughed. “Yeah maybe ye did.”

Ending from Wattpad here

[damndaddydanvers]

The lover tour, brie larson

I cheer as Taylor finishes another song, Brie chuckling under her breath at me. She wraps her arms around me from behind, kissing my cheek.

“I can’t believe Taylor gave us front row seats.” I mumble and Brie smiles at me.

“Well, what can I say? You have an amazing girlfriend.” She says with a grin and I laugh softly, turning my head to kiss her and she smiles into the kiss. We break apart and turn to face the stage again.

“So, for the next song I would like to invite someone on stage. We’ve been friends for a few years and she’s very dear to me. Please welcome Captain Marvel herself, miss Brie Larson!” my eyes widen as Brie grabs my hand, pulling me with her on stage.

Taylor hugs Brie first and she smiles at me before she hugs me too and I try very hard not to squeal. I couldn’t believe I just met Taylor Swift. A stage hand comes out with two extra chairs for me and Brie and another one brings out a guitar, handing it to Brie.

“I bet you’re all wondering why Brie is on stage with me.” The crowd goes wild with cheers and Taylor smiles widely. We sit down and she starts strumming the guitar. “So, I have this song called Lover, which also happens to be the name of my album, and Brie is here to sing it with me.” A squeal escapes my lips and both my girlfriend and Taylor chuckle. They start to sing and the whole time Brie’s eyes are on me, a small smile on her lips. The crowd had their light up wrist bands and it looked so beautiful, the sea of lights.

And there’s a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear. Have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years? I wipe a tear away. Brie knew this was my absolute favourite song and it meant the world to me that she was singing it to me.

She smiles wider at me as they sing the chorus and when the second verse starts, she sings alone.

And I’m highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you. I’ve loved you three summers now, honey, but I want them all.

When they get to the bridge, I grin. It is my absolute favourite part of the song.

Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand?

With every guitar string scar on my hand

I take this magnetic force of a woman to be my lover. They were changing the pronouns!

My heart’s been borrowed and yours has been blue

All’s well that ends well to end up with you

Swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover

And you’ll save all your dirtiest jokes for me and at every table, I’ll save you a seat, lover

They finish the song and Brie stands up, extending her hand towards me. She pulls me up and when I stand, she gets down on one knee.

“Oh my god.” I whisper, my hand over my mouth and she smiles up at me. “Oh my god this is happening.” I mutter and she chuckles, pulling out a small box, her hands shaking.

“Baby, I want to take you out and take you home. I want forever and ever with you. I want all of your summers, not just three of them. I want to leave the Christmas lights up until January. I want to save a seat for you at every award show I go to and I want to share all of my dirtiest jokes with you. And I want it all with you. Y/n, you are my everything. I love you so so so so much. You make me so happy every single day and you’re the most beautiful girl ever. Would you do me the honours of becoming my wife?” Brie looks up at me with her beautiful brown eyes, her tears glistening in them as she holds the small box in her hands.

I fall down on my knees, pulling her into a hug and crying into her chest. She hugs me back just as tightly and I nod into her chest.

“Is that a yes baby?” she mumbles into my ear and I nod, unable to speak because I was crying so hard. She takes the mic from Taylor and mumbles into it “She said yes.” Brie says with a smile and the crowd cheers. Brie hugs me tightly before she stands up and pulls me up with her. Taylor hands me a tissue and I wipe my eyes, giving her a thankful smile.

Brie takes my hand and puts the ring on. I smile at her, the tears streaming down my face hard and I pull her into another hug. “I love you, I love you, I love you so much.” I mumble over and over into her ear and she kisses the side of my head.

“I love you too baby.” She mumbles. When we finally pull away, I can see Taylor wiping her own eyes, a smile on her face and she hugs both of us.

We leave the stage and take our place back in the crowd, most of them wiping their eyes too. I wrap my arms around Brie’s neck and pull her closer to me, my eyes closed in content and happiness as I try not to cry again.

“I’m just so happy Brie.” I mumble into her chest and she hums, kissing my head.

“I know baby, I’m really happy too.” She hugs me tighter and I rest my head on her chest as we continue to watch the rest of the show.

Because I'm a sap and I wrote this and I'm really proud of it

[angrylizardjacket]

people change {Vince Neil}

@champagneandspice asked: hey! I adore your writing!!! could u please do a one shot but in the form of an article ? you’d be writing it as if you worked for people magazine or something like that. could u pls write ab the “speculated rumors” ab vince and I dating are true?? u could insert pictures or whatever u like. thank u <3

A/N: 2065 words. I love!! This style!! Of Writing!! also probably not what you were asking for, but i had fun and i hope you do too. i really sort of like this world/reader persona i’ve built?? i even added a few pictures for effect lmao. hope it’s enjoyable. i don’t usually do tags for one-shots but @cosmicsskies and @crazylittlethingcalledobsession asked and im too giddy to refuse.

WHAT THE F*** DO YOU THINK? - Mötley Crüe singer Vince Neil and Joan Jett & The Blackhearts newest guitarist Y/N Y/L/N spotted getting cosy after Crüe’s Atlanta show last Saturday? Does this hint at a collaboration between two bands, or is this more personal than professional? [Read more on Page 10...]

“What the f*** do you think?”

If you’re a woman working in or around the rock and roll music scene in the past half a decade, you’ve probably heard these words, or some variation of them, if you’ve come within a ten foot radius of the glam metal juggernauts Mötley Crüe; Nikki Sixx, Tommy Lee, Mick Mars, and their blonde, boyish singer Vince Neil. They’re crass by reputation, however this is unsurprisingly true to life, though if you were interested in reading an expose regarding the number of gigs they’ve done while high, or how many hotel rooms they’ve set fire to, there’s innumerable gossip rags and magazines covering those particular scandals, including at least two Rolling Stone articles in the past two years, and we’re not here to retell old stories. 

When attending their concert in Atlanta last week, which I highly recommend; if given the opportunity, and you enjoy their music, see Mötley Crüe live, they give an almost unparalleled live performance, in my humble opinion as a music journalist of almost a decade, I was fortunately privy to the moment that sparked debate and controversy within the rock music gossip sphere. After the show, while I was made to wait at the stage door, their manager Doc Mcghee was kind enough to invite me to the afterparty. There, at the stage door, restless fans were held at bay, young men in black leather pants, emulating their idols, young women in barely anything at all, there to catch attention and garner the same invitation that I had received, and when the band themselves appear, it’s as if the gates of Hell had opened; the screaming I heard, ladies and gentleman.

First through the doors is Mars, already looking like he needs a shot or a nap, and he dodges more than one bra thrown his way, giving me a longsuffering look as he passes. To be that exhausted by fame is on a level I can’t even begin to comprehend. He’s on the tour bus which will take us to the hotel bar for drinks almost before anyone else is even out of the building.

Next comes what the fans have affectionately dubbed ‘The Terror Twins’, Sixx and Lee, both carrying a beer each, followed by several very pretty women who head to the bus whilst the musicians take the time to say high to their fans, signing various body parts and generally taking the time to interact with the more hardcore of their following who were waiting in the cold night air. They’re enough of a distraction that one might have missed the final band member, Vince Neil, laying uncharacteristically low, and who had actually been preceded by a surprising figure; Y/N Y/L/N, the most recent addition to Joan Jett & The Blackhearts as their rhythm guitarist. 

And this, dear readers, is the moment I decide to write the first gossip piece of my life.

As someone who regularly set fire to the copies of Hollywood Star my then-housemate had been getting delivered to our apartment back when I first began my journalistic career, the idea of writing an article based on speculation about the sexual conduct of celebrities was an idea I rejected out of hand. I’d told myself I had integrity. 

But then my proto-punk loving heart betrayed me, as I recalled Y/L/N’s lyrics from my favourite song of her’s, Sucker Punch, ‘speculate / scream my name / my heart, my love, baby it’s a game / they call me heartless, fancy-free / as if anyone’s meant something to a girl like me’. Y/L/N has been credited as the sole writer for the single, under her band at the time, Nuclear Patricide, who had garnered a cult following that has been credited as an idol for Joan Jett herself. After the Nuclear Patricide’s split in early ‘83, it’s been relative radio silence from the writer and lead guitarist until Joan Jett & The Blackhearts announce her as their newest addition, and she’s been with them for almost two years since.

[ID: Stills from Nuclear Patricide’s music video for Sucker Punch, 1980, known for the appearance of then-break out star Jamie Lee-Curtis. Editor’s Note: Y/L/N did not appear in the music video herself.]

So, upon seeing Y/L/N trying to keep a low profile whilst exiting a gig she clearly was not playing at, without any of her own bandmates to keep her company, I must confess I began to wonder, to speculate about the nature of her relationship with Mötley Crüe. She’s adamantly and publicly denounced romantic relationships in her work and in her public appearances up until her split from her original band, so has anything changed in the past few years?

Back at the hotel, I find myself weaving in amongst groupies and fanboys. My dark jeans and leather jacket act as a camouflage in this den of debauchery; I’ve worn professional clothing to this kind of thing before, and it usually doesn’t go over well; if the band sees a reporter there’s a sense of immediate hostility in what’s meant to be a safe space, relatively speaking, however, I’ve found that blending in, and making it clear I’m not on the offensive makes them drop their guard enough that they’ll give an honest interview. 

At least until a pretty girl walks past.

Neil and Y/L/N are nowhere to be spotted as I finally take a seat with a table that has neither cocaine nor a woman on it, and once I’ve ordered a drink and looked over my notes, someone actually joins me of their own accord. It’s Tommy Lee, who, to my surprise, recognises me from the last time Crüe had played in town. 

He talks about the tour, about how exciting it’s been and how he loves Atlanta, but he’s losing focus very quickly, not surprisingly since his name is being called by other tables every few moments, and there’s a faint dusting of telltale white powder around his nose. He promises ‘see you ‘round’ [sic] and then he’s off again. However, it’s as he leaves that I spot Y/N coming from a room by the back of the bar, and I make my move.

Mars has, as I’ve been told, already retired for the night, Lee is up to his eyes in cocaine, Sixx already has his dick out under his table judging by the look of him, and Neil is surprisingly MIA, so Y/L/N is easy to spot as the odd one out.

Not nearly as f***ed up or strung out as the rest of them, I watch her order a jack and coke, and down the drink mere moments after receiving it, before she turns to me. It takes her barely a second before she correctly identifies me as a reporter. I ask if she remembers meeting me, back in ‘82, she says no, but that she can pick a reporter from a mile away. 

People still fawn over her, pretty girls and pretty boys alike, her aloofness drawing them in, and I’d forgotten how overwhelming it was to be this close to her. She kicks a fanboy and a groupie who are messily groping each other out of a booth and we take their seats.

This is meant to be about Mötley Crüe, and I try to tell her as such, but she just gives me a thin smile.

“Then why did you come find me?”

And she gives me that stare, you know, the one from the cover of Nuclear Patricide’s final album, Treason Is A Girl’s Best Friend. It’s that piercing stare of hers that makes you feel like she knows everything you’ve ever done wrong in your life. 

I ask about her relationship with Mötley Crüe, and to my relief she looks away.

She’s candid about admitting she’s travelling with them, but not touring, right up until I ask her about her relationship with each member of the band specifically.

“Mick’s fun; he’s very talented and easily riled up. They’re all very talented of course, but Mick’s dynamic, [because] of his age and everything, is interesting within the group [sic] and I enjoy watching it all play out. He’s smacked Tommy a few times.” I’m assured that nine times out of ten he deserved it. 

She’s filled with glowing praise for both Sixx and Lee in turn, and even Doc Mcghee, but Neil she is oddly silent about. He’s the first of the band she’d met; he’d seen her play a few times with The Blackhearts and has admitted to enjoying her work in previous interviews when she’s been brought up, as the pair have been spotted together before. Well, she’s been spotted with the band before. Here is where she starts, to my surprise, to get antsy. So the rumours, which I had thought to be incredibly false given her history and general attitude, have more basis than she likes to let on.

And then she gets defensive.

He’s like cocaine; everyone’s doing him, it’s just the industry; no-one’s going to judge her for a fling. She does not appear to take comfort in the sentiment.

“People change.”

I ask her what she means. She refuses to clarify and leaves. Perhaps I pushed too far, but now I feel like a detective, and like I only have one more person I need to talk to. But perhaps I should have eased myself into talking about Y/L/N to Vince himself, but I’ll have to admit, between Y/L/N leaving and finding Neil, I may have done a bit of socialising with Sixx, which I recommend recreationally, and also if you have a high tolerance for most things.

“I don’t think we’re any of your f***ing business.” 

Neil does not mess around, and apparently she’d already spoken to him about our earlier meeting. I leave it be, spend the night enjoying the festivities with Sixx and Lee when I can, leaving just before the sun comes up. 

Some of you may be thinking this is dissatisfying, that you came into this article wanting me to confirm or dismiss the speculated relationship between Vince Neil and Y/N Y/L/N, but I can’t. Neither of them would speak to me, and I can only leave you with a list of things I saw that night, and you can make up your own mind.

- The room Y/L/N had exited from when I first spotted her is the same room Neil left less than five minutes later as we were talking. I went to investigate later; it’s a supply closet.

- After my encounter with Neil, and I’d stayed clear of them, whenever I would spot either of them, the other was almost always within arm’s reach. Make of that what you will.

- He definitely did a line of coke off her thigh at about three in the morning.

- I asked both Sixx and Lee about it. Lee’s response was ‘loud’ with something akin to a knowing smirk, and Sixx’s was ‘he’s a lucky bastard’ and when I ask him to clarify he just says ‘flexible’ and climbs to the next booth over where they’ve been asking him to do a line; I’m not even sure what to make of it, but personally I think it’s pretty damning.

- Readers, they were all over each other, I apologise for throwing my professionalism out the window for a moment, but if I’m being honest I couldn’t look to a secluded corner of the room without there being a 40% chance of seeing Vince and Y/N. It got worse as the night went on. Believe me.

So, while I don’t believe there is set to be a collaboration between Joan Jett and Mötley Crüe, I do come baring good news for those fans who had been speculating regarding Y/L/N’s relationship with the hair metal band’s lead singer. So are they together? Are they dating? Though neither party will publicly state anything, I’ll leave you with my thoughts, my observations, and the oft spoke words of the man himself;

What the f*** do you think?

[your-guide-to-music]

Your guide to: George Michael

Welcome to your guide to: George Michael! This guide is designed to help anyone looking to explore his music with getting started. The guide covers his background and history surrounding both Wham! And his solo career, and also the music produced during these periods. It is a long guide, as is every guide that will go on this blog but it’s meant to give a very in depth view of the artist and help new fans get to know who they really are. I may update this in the future so if you have anything you want added or have any questions, just let me know!

Background and history

So first off, just like the last guide, I’m going to give a bit of background info on who George Michael is - George was a British pop star who found fame in the early 1980’s as part of a duo with Andrew Ridgeley, a friend he met during his teenage years. He was born Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou in East Finchley, London in 1963 and moved to Hertfordshire in his early teens.

To date, George has had a combined 9 studio & compilation albums go to #1 within Wham! and his solo career. His first two albums inside Wham! - Fantastic and Make It Big both hit the top spot in the UK and although these are the only albums released in the UK, there is a third album called Music From the Edge of Heaven. Music From The Edge of heaven was not released in the UK, but it was in North America and Japan, where it’s peak position landed at #10. The album includes tracks such as the hit ‘I’m Your Man’ and ‘Edge of Heaven’ which both hit #1 in the UK.

In terms of his solo work, these are all his albums to go to #1. LWP Vol.1 actually hit the top spot twice after its reissue in 2017.

The Wham! Era (1981-1986) - Wham were a pop duo formed by friends George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley. The group began in 1981 and initially signed to Innervision records after the boys sent a homemade tape to record labels. George acted as Lead Vocalist, Composer and Producer with Andrew primarily acting as guitarist and backing vocalist.

Alongside the duo were backing dancers Shirley Holliman (Who would go on to become Shirley Kemp, the wife of Spandau Ballet’s Martin Kemp) and Dee C. Lee, though Lee left early on to work as part of the group ‘The Style Council’ with Paul Weller, and was replaced by Helen ‘Pepsi’ DeMacque. After Wham!’s split in 1986, the girls would go on to form their own duo called Pepsi and Shirley, spanning songs such as Heartache and Goodbye Stranger.

The first record released by Wham! was the upbeat ‘Wham Rap (Enjoy What You Do)’ in August 1982, reaching #8 on the UK charts, it is arguably one of the band’s most well-known songs. The next single was Young Guns (Go For It), released in October 1982 and reaching #3 in the UK charts. This forecast further success for Wham! and in June 1983, they released their debut album - Fantastic. The album hit #1 and things only went up from there. Other hit singles from this album include the ever memorable Club Tropicana and Bad Boys which hit #4 and #2 respectively.

The second album released by Wham! was Make It Big, by this time they had moved to Epic Records after disputes with Innervision. The album was released in November 1984 and was accompanied by 3 #1 singles - Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go, Freedom and Careless Whisper (That last one is actually a George Michael solo song as you all probably know but it is credited to Wham! featuring George Michael. George put Andrew on the writing credits so he wouldn’t have to worry about money as he’d always get royalties from that song.) They almost had a Christmas #1 in 1984 with their classic ‘Last Christmas’, but were beat to the top spot by Band Aid, a venture George was also a part of. The royalties from LC went to the Ethiopian Famine Appeal to coincide with the fund-raising efforts of Band Aid.

In 1985, Wham! became the first western group to have a 10 day visit to China on their world tour. They played a concert at the People’s Gymnasium in Beijing for 12,000 people and a further concert in Canton for 5,000 people. Footage from their tour was featured in the video for Freedom and the tour attracted mass media attention, keeping Wham! at the height of success.

In 1986, George released a second solo song - A Different Corner. This song is always bittersweet to listen to for me, and it was a big success just like Careless Whisper was 2 years earlier. It was around this time that breakup rumours began to circle and Wham! officially announced their disbandment after the release of Music From the Edge of Heaven and a compilation album of their singles called ‘The Final’. A sell-out 8 hour farewell concert by the same name of the compilation album followed and the last Wham! single ‘Edge of Heaven’ reached #1 in June 1986.

The solo years (1987-2016) - In January 1987, a duet between George and Aretha Franklin - I Knew You Were Waiting (for me) - was released. The song was another success for George and it hit #1 in both UK and US charts. This was the third solo #1 he’d had before his debut album was even released.

His debut album, Faith, was released in the UK on October 30th. The album has now well-known classics of George’s discography such as Faith, I Want Your Sex, Father Figure and One More Try. This album spent 12 weeks at #1 in the US and stayed in the UK charts for 92 consecutive weeks. Furthering it’s success, Faith won the Grammy for Album of The Year in 1989 and George embarked on a world tour in support.

It’s no secret (now) that George was unhappy during this time, and in fact at future various times of his career too. The very execution of Faith, including the promotion and touring for it, left him exhausted. At the same time, George was battling with his sexuality and had been for some time which only contributed to his opposement to promotion and the press in general in the future.

In 1990, his second album - Listen Without Prejudice Vol.1 - was released. This album is personally my favourite, George had moved away from the cute little teen idol image he was in Wham! and was starting to pursue a more serious image. The album includes notable tracks such as Freedom ‘90 and Praying For Time and George refused to do any promotion for it.

Freedom ‘90 is particularly notable for its music video, which featured some of the biggest supermodels in the world at the time. He didn’t appear in the music video at all and instead had Naomi Campbell, Linda Evangelista, Christy Turlington, Cindy Crawford and Tatjana Patitz lip-syncing to the song, inspired by this photo from the cover of Vogue Magazine. George would work with Linda Evangelista again for the video of ‘Too Funky’, as well as other supermodels such as Tyra Banks.

The 90’s brought a lot of struggles with it for George, he entered a long battle with Sony over his rights as an artist and he lost his partner, Anselmo Feleppa, as well as his mother.

The battle with Sony was tough to say the least. George argued that Sony had failed to promote his latest album LWP Vol.1 properly as punishment for his choice to downplay his sex symbol image. Sony, on the other hand, argued that it was George’s refusal to appear in promotion for the album that caused the poor performance compared to Faith.

Sony ultimately won the lawsuit and George remained trapped in his contract, something he referred to as ‘professional slavery’. It wasn’t until 1995 that Sony sold George’s contract to Virgin Records and DreamWorks Records, freeing him from the confinements he detested so heavily.

In 1991, George performed Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me at his Wembley Arena show with Elton again, this version was recorded and released, reaching #1 in the UK and US.

That same year we sadly lost one of the best musicians I personally think we’ve ever seen. Freddie Mercury was an incredible man on and off stage, and in 1992 a tribute concert was held in his memory. George attended this concert as a performer and sang queen hits such as Somebody To Love and These Are The Days of Our Lives with Lisa Stansfield.

It was during this time that George discovered Anselmo had been diagnosed with AIDS, the same thing that took Freddie from us, and was feeling not only the hurt from losing one of his idols, but also distraught from understanding he was potentially going to lose his partner.

Anselmo died in March 1993 after a long battle with AIDS. This severely hurt George and led him further into a state of depression and grief. Because of the battle going on with Sony, George wouldn’t release another album until 1996.

Older is, arguably, his best work. After all the pain he had experienced and the struggles he had gone through in recent years, he came back with a strong album that included the hit song ‘Jesus To a Child’, dedicated to Anselmo. Other songs such as Spinning The Wheel and Fastlove Pt. 1 highlights the danger of AIDS and explore the notion of love without commitment.

Looking back, I think it is relatively easy to see the real messages in the music. I think back when these albums were released it probably wasn’t as widely considered and so few were looking for the real messages, just looking at the music but not observing.

In 1997, George also lost his mother to cancer, just 4 years after losing his Partner. I have to say, George created some amazing music during this decade and I believe he came out stronger for going through these things but it’s hard to deny that this was an incredibly difficult time for him and I often wonder how he did it.

1998 was the year George’s sexuality was finally revealed in a more than subtle way. He was arrested in Beverly Hills in April of that year for ‘Engaging in a lewd act’ in a public restroom located at the Will Rogers Memorial Park. The arrest was part of a sting operation using ‘Pretty Police’, the arresting officer involved in the incident was Marcelo Rodríguez and as a result of the publicity, it was soon known that George was gay (not that it was any of our business anyway).

1998 also saw the release of his first solo greatest hits album entitled ‘Ladies and Gentlemen: the best of George Michael’. The album included some new songs such as ‘Outside’, the first single which made fun of his April arrest, and a duet with Mary J Blige singing a cover of Stevie Wonder’s ‘As’. The album had to be released through Sony as per the contract severance terms from 1995 and the album reached #1 in the UK, staying there for 8 weeks and making it one of the best selling albums of all time in the UK.

George’s next album came a year later - Songs From The Last Century. This album was completely covers with no original work, songs such as Roxanne (originally performed by The Police) and The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face (originally performed by Peggy Seeger) and hit #2 in the UK charts.

Now we’re getting into the 2000’s, the decade in which some of my favourite George Michael songs came to life. I’m 2000 he recorded a duet with Whitney Houston which was going to feature Michael Jackson instead of her at first. He began working on his 5th studio album this year and it was released in 2003.

The album, ‘Patience’, had its first single released in March 2002 and what a single it was. Titled ‘Freeek!’, the song was far, far away from the usual wham! Sound. Georgie had grown up and we were not allowed to forget it. Unfortunately I’ve hit the photo limit for this post but I suggest you watch the music video below if you want an idea of what I’m talking about.

https://youtu.be/VLnYPXTs9LY

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The next single was quite controversial, it’s called Shoot The Dog and the lyrics criticise UK Prime Minister Tony Blair and US President George W. Bush in the run up to the 2003 Iraq invasion. He also recorded a version of Don McLean’s ‘The Grave’ and performed it on various music programmes, gaining further controversy but praise from Don.

In 2003, George resigned to Sony despite the history between them. Patience was released in 2004 and became one of the fastest selling albums in the UK, selling over 200,000 copies in its first week alone. A number of other singles were released from this album including Amazing, Flawless, Round Here and John and Elvis Are Dead.

The next piece of work from George came in 2006 titled simply ‘Twenty Five’. It marked George’s 25th year in the music world from the time Wham! begun and debuted at #1 in the UK. It was a compilation album, much like the greatest hits from 1998 but this time it included songs from Wham! as well as his solo work. It also debuted some new songs such as An Easier Affair and a new version of Heal The Pain featuring Paul McCartney.

To celebrate the album, George also went on a tour titled The 25 Live tour. The tour consisted of 80 shows and was watched by approximately 1.3M fans. A tour DVD was released featuring his shows at Earl’s Court, London and I definitely suggest watching it, it’s a very good show.

In 2008, George released what is considered to be his first Christmas song since recording Last Christmas with Wham! 24 years earlier. December Song was released to the fans free of charge with George hoping the fans would make a donation instead to a charity.

Now we enter the 2010’s, some of the last years of George’s life. He started his Symphonica tour in August 2011, singing mainly songs from his album Patience and Songs From The Last Century.

In November, the rest of the tour was rescheduled as he became dreadfully ill with Pneumonia whilst in Vienna, even going comatose at one point. Thankfully, he pulled through and even made an appearance at the closing ceremony of the 2012 Olympics.

On August 25th 2012, George released a song called ‘White Light’, inspired by his battle with pneumonia and near-death experience during it. The song got it’s live debut at the 2012 olympics closing ceremony and reached #15 on the UK charts.

The Symphonica tour resumed and finished in October 2012 at Earl’s Court, marking George’s last ever concert.

Symphonica got released as a live album in March 2014 and became George’s 7th #1 solo album in the UK. George’s team announced in November 2016 that there was a documentary titled ‘Freedom’ that would be released in March 2017 but due to the sudden death of George, it was pushed back to October 2017 instead. I really suggest you watch this documentary as it’s very informative about his journey.

LWP got a reissue at the same time and Freedom ‘90 was released as a 7” single in limited numbers to coincide with the documentary and reissue. September 2017 saw the release of a new version of Fantasy featuring Nile Rodgers. At this time, we’ve not had any more new music but have been advised there is some coming. Georgie’s family and estate update us from time to time (see link below, this where all updates are usually posted)

In 2017 I and countless other Lovelies spent a week straight streaming and buying the Last Christmas single, we wanted to get it to #1 for George as it had been a year since he passed but unfortunately somehow despite our efforts, the song was a non-mover and stayed at #3. To this day I’m suspicious about that as there were so many of us streaming and buying etc. That I don’t understand how it could possibly have not moved. But anyway, we tried and George would be proud of us even if it didn’t work.

The music

Okay, well... that was the history of George Michael. Now all we really have left to do is go through the albums (I’m omitting compilation albums though, and giving special mentions to songs not on studio albums instead) and pick out some underrated and favourite songs. I’m going to include his Wham! days in this as it seems only right to, he was a brilliant solo artist but it’s important we recognise where he started.

Fantastic - Bad Boys, Wham Rap (Enjoy What You Do), Club Tropicana and Young Guns (Go For It!)

Make it big - Freedom, Credit Card Baby, Everything She Wants, Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go

Music From The Edge of Heaven - I’m Your Man, Edge of Heaven, Where Did Your Heart go?, A Different Corner, Blue

Faith - Monkey, One More Try, Father Figure, Hand To Mouth, Faith, Kissing a Fool

LWP Vol.1 - Praying For Time, They Won’t Go When I Go, Cowboys and Angels, Freedom ‘90, Mother’s Pride

Older - Spinning The Wheel, You Have Been Loved, Star People, The Strangest Thing

Songs From The Last Century - Secret Love, My Baby Just Cares For Me, Roxanne, The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

Patience - Freeek! ‘04, My Mother Had a Brother, Amazing, Flawless (Go To The City), Shoot The Dog

Special mentions: An Easier Affair, White Light, Outside, Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me (with Elton John, I can’t make you love me, Killer/Papa was a rolling stone, Somebody To Love (From the Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert 1992)

And we’re finished! That was your guide to George Michael, if you have any questions or want me to add/correct anything then please let me know. Like I said I’ll probably update this in future so it’s worth checking back from time to time. Thank you for reading this far, if you have!

[psi-psina]

TOUR19 THE INSULATED WORLD, ZEPP NAGOYA, 19/04/2019

I felt the attempt to write something. :)

00. SE

01. 谿壑の欲

02. Downfall

03. 人間を被る

04. Rubbish Heap

05. Ash

06. Values Of Madness

07. DOZING GREEN

08. 赫

09. Celebrate Empty Howls

10. undecided

11. Ranunculus

12. Devote My Life

13. 軽蔑と始まり

14. 獣慾

15. 詩踏み

16. Followers

17. 鬼眼

18. Revelation of mankind

19. GRIEF

20. 冷血なりせば

Tonight, Nagoya did not have quite the strength of feeling among the fans that we did in Shinkiba, but it was still one of the best Nagoya crowds I’ve experienced and the live was just, incredible. One thing I will say though, is that shimote was not on point tonight, seriously Kaoru’s crowd was just….fuckin deadass, there wasn’t the energy or enthusiasm I’m used to having in shimote at all. The calls for ALL the members were pretty lacklustre compared to Shinkiba as well I must say, and no one in shimote was calling for encore, everyone was just standing there talking, I was like wtf? I kinda wish I’d been in kamite tonight. I was back in the Toshiya pit after being in the middle since the start of this tour and I gotta admit I have missed the view. Idk if it’s just because I am so used to being there, or if it’s because, when you are in the middle, you tend to miss all the other members more because it is almost impossible to look at anything but Kyo when you are in front of him. Or at least, I find it to be so. So I like being a bit to one side usually, and I think I’ll do that again in Osaka.

Unfortunately there were some prissy bitches in the Toshiya crowd that were a bit…unpleasant right at the start. You know those girls who sometimes are in the pit and want a solid,constant halo of space around them and will shove at the back of whoever is in front of them to keep them away…I was watching the chick in front of me do this to the girl standing in front of her during Keigaku and I wanted to smack her because I have had girls do that to me in the pit and it is NOT nice, it’s distracting and makes it extremely difficult to move in tandem with the people in front of you when you’ve got these shovey little hands pressing into your back to keep you in one spot. I once had one randomly shove me so hard while everyone was bouncing that I crashed into the person in front of me. They can be nasty. 😞 

And if you’re behind them ah….I began the show directly behind this girl and her friend and every time I touched her due to moving with the rest of the crowd (the pit was MOVING to Keigaku and Downfall and I had to put my hands out at times to make sure I wasn’t being pushed up against her...) she would elbow and shove at me. :/ I was like bitch, what the fuck. There are two or three people and a rail right behind me and people are moving. Ugh, I hate it, it’s such a rude and bitchy way to behave in the pit. Like there is nothing wrong with wanting your own space and wanting to just dance and do your stupid little anime moves but like, just get behind the pit, for god’s sake. :( Anyway, she was being so nasty that by Downfall I got tired of being shoved and elbowed at, and admittedly, just started shoving her right back. Like honestly just go away, no one here wants that nonsense anywhere near them. Thankfully they moved somewhere else pretty fast and everyone was able to just settle in the their spots and it was lovely. However there was one other girl a few places ahead of me who stayed where she was and just flatly refused to headbang or move with the crowd for the entire show, people were smacking into her so much in songs like Juuyoku and Grief and Reiketsu, and if she wanted to stick out she certainly accomplished that. >.>

The members were in a fantastic mood though, Toshiya was absolutely glowing and Kaoru and Die were both really energetic and giving heaps of attitude and they moved around the stage a lot. Their outfits were all pretty much the same as has been described from the earlier gigs. Die REALLY sticks out in his red and white getup but it’s also oddly complimentary/in sync with Toshiya’s style. They’re both wearing these SUPER feminine, flowing outfits. And then Kaoru and Kyo also look kinda complimentary to me. Kyo looks sooooooooo good in these suits man, like this whole mafia-don aesthetic he’s got going on right now is sooooo sexy and those suits are, unsurprisingly, tailored to perfection like there have been a few moments he’s been in silhouette up on his crate and I literally cannot breathe bc of the POWER. He’s got a few different ones that he’s mixing and matching, I distinctly recall he was wearing a double-breasted jacket in Shinkiba (day 2) but I think he’s only worn that once. Tonight for encore he wore a lacey white dress shirt that I haven’t seen him in before this.

Kyo entered the stage smoking one of his chocolate cigarettes, which he smoked throughout Keigaku. I don’t think he smoked elsewhere during the set until the end? But I could be wrong. The first chunk of the set up to Values went by so fast, it was so much fun. Like seriously, Downfall, Ningen, Rubbish Heap??? HEAVEN. Kyo calls on us to sing during Downfall in the EXACT parts I wanted to UGHHHH. Downfall has turned into one of my absolute favourite songs live and off the album, it’s been such a grower. It amuses me that fans still don’t really raise their fists during Rubbish Heap but just have their hand raised like usual 😂 come on guys, get it together. But there was furious headbanging right from the start of Rubbish Heap tonight it was sooooo good.

At one point in the first part of the set Kyo came over and visited Kaoru, he walked around behind him and sang next to him for a moment with his arm around his back, it looked like he was on the verge of doing something mischievous but then decided not to, and let Kaoru off the hook 😂 It may have been during Ash, but I can’t remember. Dozing Green was absolutely AH-MAZING again, it didn’t top day 2 at Shinkiba, but it was up there with it. I love the way fans in all the cities have been moving and mouthing along with the lyrics so passionately. All the guys are feeling that song DEEP and it just works SO well in this setlist…it’s a perfect way to lead into Aka, it’s like it builds the mood right into that song and they compliment each other perfectly right down to the lighting…Dozing Green is lit with these cool blues and greens and then Aka floods the stage blood red. Tonight’s Aka was a lot more controlled from Kyo than the performances in Tokyo and Hiroshima, but no less beautiful. And Celebrate Empty Howls is an odd one… It’s in the dead centre of the setlist, right in the middle of the atmospheric section but it’s such an oddball… I feel like it would be a lot better placed in between Ranunculus and Devote but, that’s just me! After Celebrate there is a breather where chairs are brought out for undecided.

Kyo cried terribly when he sang undecided tonight, it was absolutely heart wrenching and he continued to be very teary through Ranunculus and gave a still more emotional performance than I had yet seen ;____; He screams out terribly after the bridge every time, and every time I’ve thought there couldn’t possibly be a more emotional performance and then he….. ;__; I meant to check on Kaoru and Toshiya during Ranunculus tonight to see if they sang along at all but I could not take my eyes off Kyo. I do recall Die caught my attention at a few moments though, he is incredibly passionate in Ranunculus like he is in Rinkaku,

Getting hit with Devote right after Ranunculus is kind of emotional whiplash and I find it difficult to get fully into it when it’s in that place in the setlist, I just can’t feel it fully when I’m still in the immediate aftermath of Ranunculus, especially when the performances are so intense. Ranunculus into Devote is the only thing I have to say against this setlist, it would just be so much better to have a slightly milder song leading out of Ranunculus. 😞 

Kyo went craaaazy during Devote and Keibetsu, he headbanged and threw his body around violently, and I can’t remember much else because of my own headbanging. Kyo calls on us to shout “zankoku na~!” during Devote and “saa iwaeyo kizu ni!!” during Keibetsu and I remember Toshiya coming right to the front and heavily egging us on during Keibetsu, he got really excited during that song.

Kyo did not cry when singing Followers tonight, like Aka it felt a much more controlled performance than those in Hiroshima and (especially) Tokyo. Tonight oddly made me cry though, I think because i paid more attention to the backdrop than I have in the previous performances. Credit to @theghostinmyroom for pointing this out first, the imagery during Followers includes Jesus the Redeemer, and a naked skeletal figure seen from behind sitting in foetal position. Parts of the english lyrics are projected throughout the song, particularly the phrases “That is me, This is me” and “No matter how cruel the world is” and towards the end there are vague images of each of the members, the final of which is Kyo singing in silhouette. ♡ Followers did not strike me as a song the way it did a lot of others and the same was true for me when it’s performed live…everything about the song is quite indirect imho, however the rapport between band (particularly Kyo) and the fans I have found has steadily grown with each performance…the emotions are layering on. ♡ On the first night at Shinkiba, Kyo raised his hand toward us at the end of the song which prompted many fans to respond, and we held out our hands until the final notes had faded. On the second night, and tonight in Nagoya, Kyo held out his hand to us as the song began. This reaching out brought a much stronger feeling to the song.

I think Followers would have also fared better on this tour mid-set tbh, it seems in an odd place that’s sort of disconnected from all the other songs lol. And like with Ranunculus, there’s no time to bask in the afterglow of the emotion because then, we’re immediately hit with Kigan LOL. KIGAN IS SOOOO MUCH FUN, and Toshiya was SUPER into it tonight, Kyo is very naughty and playful during this song as well and likes to feel himself a bit 😛 I love the part where he tells us to jump.

Annndd the rest is a blur, Grief and Reiketsu? GOD TIER. OH, There was one moment in the encore that was just lakjsdnlfkjasdf, we were talking about it after the show. Before Grief or Reiketsu, i can’t remember, Kyo was riling everyone up with all his usual cursing and attitude, it was all fuckers this and bastards that, and then he just randomly used keigo? He just suddenly asked super politely ”行きますか?” it was just KASJNALKJNFKSDJ

[somekeepsakes]

German interview with Peter (May 20, 2019) on drugs, love and new beginnings

I noticed that another version of the interview with Peter which @koidivisions translated some weeks back has emerged. The newer, longer, and presumably full(?) version can be found here. I’m only adding the translation for the bits that were missing in the earlier version. Since there are quite a few of them, maybe some of you are interested in reading the entire thing.

cut cut cut and off you go

Why did Hamburg change you so much? I felt privileged that Johann Scheerer opened his door for me. He trusted me.

He said: "You may live in the apartment and use the studio." He gave me his house key at a time when not even my own family would have trusted me with a key. Yes, it was a wonderful time in Hamburg! It was a shame that there was such resentment between my management at that time and the people from Clouds Hill as, much to the dismay of my management, there was someone who trusted me; that I stayed in Germany, recorded music, and took more control.

Did you feel something close to freedom? Yes, I believe so, there were no paparazzi lurking around every corner. And doing spontaneous gigs in the Golem, this wickedly expensive place, was great. I loved it there.

For some people, you’re a gifted song poet, whereas others tend to associate you with your drug antics. Yes, they believe me to be a caricature. There are even people who are disappointed when they meet me and I’m not all fucked up. This is really sad. But, then, it used to be like that for a long time. There used to be all these negative stories about me that had a nasty pic of me attached to them all the time.

And on the few days where I was alright, they manipulated the picture, or took one of me sneezing. This really killed me. It inwardly killed me.

And everything went hand in hand… The police were obsessed with getting hold of me. They arrested me repeatedly. That made me feel as if I was a dangerous person or a threat to society. That was sheer insanity.

But you’re out of the woods now? That’d be wonderful. But addiction is an illness – a mental illness. It’s self-destructive…

How safe are you feeling right now? Difficult to say. I’m feeling safe. But if I think about it, I don’t actually know what feeling safe means. At least I don’t want to go back to where I was.

[Regarding Margate] But why did you buy a hotel there? Because it was so cheap, so incredibly cheap!

It was said to be the most rundown hotel in Kent or even in England. That’s not entirely fair. The Nigerian woman who ran it had a bad reputation because she used to kick people out of the hotel whenever they complained. But saying that it was the worst hotel… No, I went to one in Aberdeen once which was worse!

And you invested money in yours? Sure, the whole thing was Carl’s idea. He decided that The Libertines needed headquarters. He then found this old five-storey townhouse. He didn’t pay me for five festival gigs for he knows I’m prone to wasting money. The others saved their share. And now I’m one of six investors.

Our studio has already been finished, and the hotel is supposed to come about bit by bit. The liquor licence is also there already so that Carl is able to open a bar beneath the hotel. The bar is going to be called "Wasteland" like the book by T.S. Eliot who lived four doors away. His father owned a bed and breakfast in Margate 100 years ago.

It’s supposed to become something similar to Andy Warhol’s "Factory". The Margate version of it. Carl wants to gradually set it up in a way so that different artists will be able to live and work under the same roof.

You’re said to have started a company for that business. I’ve read that article, too. What a load of bollocks! It said that I was worth 5.3 million pounds – crazy! Carl was really angry when he read that since he’s the businessman among the two of us. I would be completely unfit for a thing like that.

[Regarding the cat incident] There’ve been worse stories about you. And still, you were angry about it? Sure, because it was this incident that brought paparazzi to my doorstep again. That was the first time in two years, prior to that, everything was peaceful. There were no negative stories about me. And even on this day, I was kind towards the photographers. But they didn’t like that.

They claimed that I stood there in the doorway laughing. It broke my heart cause I love animals. And I love cats.

Does the sea inspire you? Tremendously! Every morning when I step outside. The light is unbelievable and the dark, wild sea – it’s calling for me. Sometimes, that’s dangerous. I’d like to run naked into the sea.

But so far you haven’t answered the call? I will do so in summer. Due to their arctic background, my dogs are used to freezing temperatures. They can step into the water when it’s cold, and they love it. But it’s not as nice as it may sound for humans in Margate.

In what way? We get these weird weather fronts. Every ten years, über-storms are causing serious damage. Just last week, the roof of the huge Tesco market got blown away, just like that. The buildings can take a lot but there are also lots of tunnels beneath the bases of the houses which were constructed in old smuggler times. That’s why the whole thing is unstable and causes buildings to collapse. It really is a weird place, Margate.

[Regarding the Puta Madres album] It probably won’t make you rich. That’s the reason why Drew isn’t part of the band. He preferred to make money while touring with Liam Gallagher. But it’s not always about money even if I’m not less greedy than others.

But I also know what damage money can cause. I need to take care of myself so that I’m not going to suffer from tunnel vision and therefore miss the genuine things that inspired me at a time when I didn’t have any money. If we make any money with that, which would be great for us, we’re going to build our own studio.

You’ve recorded the album overlooking a fishing village in the municipality of Étretat in the Normandy. Why not in Margate? Because Carl insisted that the new studio would be Libertines only. So we went to France where the family of our keyboarder Katia lives. That was great because we were able to record the album within a few days. Just like the Beatles did with their first album: one microphone in the room, press record, play the songs, and go back home.

[Regarding Someone Else To Be] Why do you quote Oasis in this particular song? "Please don’t put your life in the hands of a rock’n’roll band" has always been one of my favourite lines from a song. The warning it includes is probably justified.

[Regarding his stance on relationships] As complicated as Brexit? That is indeed complicated for the Puta Madres as so many nationalities come together in this band! We need to move freely, otherwise the knell will sound for us. But we’ll somehow find our way to France, Spain and Germany.

Where does the funny "Puta Madres" band name which literally translates as "goddamn mothers" come from by the way ? "Ah, it’s the puta madre!" – our drummer Rafa used to say that very often in the beginning when he referred to something positive as well as to something negative or something inbetween.

I didn’t really know what it meant but thought we might use that as our band name. Everyone says that in Spain and South America and it means "fucking hell".

It’s a casual curse word like "motherfuckers". It means everything and nothing. Technically speaking, it refers to the mother of a prostitute.

Do you speak Spanish? Sí. There’s a bit of German, a bit of Spanish, and a bit of French on the album.

How are your German skills? (in German) Not that good.

Do you have a favourite German word? Radiergummi! And I also like Creutzfeldt-Jakob and Methadon.

You presumably were given the latter as a substitute during rehab? Yeah, sure, horrible stuff. Sickly sweet. I call it the bad absinth.

Do you still think about Amy Winehouse? Yes, often. Constantly, actually. I met a girl called Jade Goldsworthy, an incredible singer. She reminds me so much of Amy. She hasn’t recorded anything yet, we’ve only met. But I’m planning to release something with her. We’re working on it. Amy would’ve loved her. I’m sure of that.

And The Libertines will continue as well? Of course, forever! Carl and I are stronger than ever.

Are you working on the new Libertines record at the moment? Yeah, but it was all a bit tragic. Ollie, The Prodigy’s guitarist, came round and wanted to help Carl and me with writing and producing. The next day, the news of Keith’s death – who was also a friend of Carl’s – broke. He committed suicide. The last thing Ollie texted Keith was a picture of my dogs as Keith was a fellow husky lover. And Keith replied saying how beautiful they were. And the next day, he hanged himself. We haven’t seen Ollie since.

How did you react to Flint’s death? I listened to all the old Prodigy records. There’s unbelievably good stuff among them, sometimes scaringly sinister.

Given the many deaths surrounding you, do you ask yourself why you’re still alive? No, I don’t think about that.

There are lots of discussions going on at the moment about whether it’s appropriate for radio stations to still play Michael Jackson songs or not. How do you see it: Should we separate an artist’s work from the artist? Wow – that’s a damn good question! His songs are being played every few seconds somewhere in the world. It’s amazing music, some of the best songs ever written. It’d be a fucked-up situation if he’s guilty… A part of me would die – a major part of my childhood. I loved his music.

Did you see the documentary? No, the film might have a significant impact on me – I can’t bring myself to watch it at the moment. I need to be careful with it, it’s too important. Michael Jackson used to be such an important factor in my life. It’s similar to Woody Allen: He’s a great filmmaker, he’s got a good sense of humour. It would annihilate so much culture if we didn’t separate an artist’s work from the private individual. But it’s tricky.

[thesustainableswap]

Making Peace With Failure.

I am failing. I have failed. All throughout my life. But I am learning to look at my failures with happiness, rather than regret or sadness. Often times, things we have performed badly at become things we are ashamed of. I have a serious case of imposter syndrome where I feel like I have to have complete knowledge on a subject before I speak about it which leads to me feeling deflated and not good enough - but I’m working on it.

I try to remind myself that failure happens in everyone’s life. Often. I’m trying to live a zero waste, vegan, and sustainable lifestyle but do I slip up sometimes? Yes. Are people perfect? No. I’ve met people who shop secondhand but still eat a diet heavy in meat. People who are vegan but still buy bottled water. A lot of people when they hear that I am a vegetarian on the cusp of veganism, or when I talk about my blog, think I will shout them down for their lifestyle, but I have always had the mindset of, if everyone does a little - that would help a lot. That’s good enough for me.

So what do I do when the impending doom of potential failure looks at me in the mirror? I try to recognise it as myself. Because I am the person who brings my failure into my life. It’s important to not dwell on the bad stuff and find the positive in everything, so I’m going to share some of my failures with you, and why they were positive moments in my life.

1. I was in a small time band and we were doing okay, but then we split up.

I look back on this moment now and I am relieved it didn’t work out (much to my Dad’s dismay. Sorry Dad!) I was the lead singer of Chase The Enemy, don’t worry if you haven’t heard of us, we really weren’t a big deal. I definitely thought, in my teenage brain, that we were going to be the next female fronted rock band. We had embarked on two very small tours (very small, pretty much around the South East of England), and had also started to have some small features in magazines like Rock Sound, Kerrang! and Big Cheese. Sounds exciting, but this period was a really unhappy time in my life, because my 16 year old self felt like she was going through the biggest heartbreak of her life. In fact, I was in a breakup for roughly around two or three years. It was one of those relationships that really dragged on, and my mental health also took a turn around this time, where at 18 I had a severe panic attack in which I genuinely thought I would die (because as we now know, panic attacks feel like heart attacks). If that band hadn’t split up, there’s a chance that terrible relationship could of dragged on and my mental health would have continued to deteriorate. I can look back on the band now and see the highs, because I’m no longer living in the lows. That is the positive for me. I am thankful every day that the band split up.

2. I struggled to get into drama school, and when I was accepted I couldn’t attend.

I took two gap years to audition for acting courses at several drama schools in London. This also overlapped with my panic attack which I’d mentioned previously, as the band had ended as this portion of my life was beginning. I really didn’t like drama school auditions, as most of the time I felt like cattle. Honestly. Some of the schools seem to cram hundreds of people into a room. It feels uncaring. I had desperately wanted to attend LIPA and got a recall for the course during my first gap year. When I went back for the second round I remember having to lie on the floor in a movement class and pretend I was in a bubble and it could be made out of whatever I wanted it to be made out of. The teacher would let us know if it got bigger or smaller and then would ask us how we were reacting to said bubble. So there I was, on the floor of a school in Liverpool, feeling completely stupid because I couldn’t pretend that I was in a bubble. Because there was no bubble. I was devastated when I was rejected, and in my second year of auditioning I didn’t even get a recall. I finally got accepted at a school in New York. Wowzers. But surprise surprise the fees were ridiculous so I had to close that chapter as soon as it opened. Luckily, in 2015 I was accepted at ICMP where I studied Vocal Performance - and music was my first love so everything clicked into place. I ended up with a first class honours degree and learnt so much from my amazing tutors there. I also met some friends for life, and the love of my life. So, sometimes failings lead us to what we were truly meant to do.

3. I have no clue what I’m doing now.

I know - can this one really be a failure when I haven’t listed anything specifically that I’ve failed at? Thoughts are strange things, but here we go: I moved to France with my partner because of Brexit and we currently live with his family. I write music and have been recording an EP. I started this blog because I have a passion for sustainability and wellbeing. Right now these sound like statements of things that are happening, but I have already felt like I’ve failed at all of them even though they have only just begun. Moving back in with family after university and years of independence always feels like failure at first. You’ve just graduated. You’re meant to be in the real world but instead you find yourself clueless with no idea where you’re going. I studied music, I love to sing, I’m currently writing songs and planning to start gigging next year, but I’m teaching kids English five days a week and making them toast. And then, when it comes to posting on this blog sometimes I don’t feel like I have the credentials to even be raising my voice. But from all of these internal failures and feelings I’ve learnt that patience is key. And happiness comes from within us. I may just be an English speaking nanny to the kids I look after, and I may just be my partner’s girlfriend to his family, but it is so valuable to take the time to ask yourself what is important in your life. To assess all of your failures, and make peace with them.

So, I read a lot, I listen to way too much of the Deliciously Ella podcast, and I spend time with my partner and our cat. I write on this blog and record music in my spare time. I try to focus on the now rather than the future. With each failure, I count my blessings and am thankful for each one. Because if I had got into drama school in Liverpool, or had world wide success with the band I was in, or not moved to France, I wouldn’t be here, now. I wouldn’t be me. I wouldn’t of met the same people and formed any of the relationships that are so special to me. Failures are a wonderful thing, because they guide us on our journey to discovery and purpose.

Until next time,

The Sustainable Swap.

(P.S - some of my favourite books at the moment: Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat, The Imposter Cure by Dr Jessamy Hibberd and Brain Changer by Professor Felice Jacka. Also one of my best friends has just started an Instagram for her book collection check it out at Dog Ears and Coffee Stains)

[brettyimages]

hello!! i just started out with suede and im in a bit of a loss, so if you could help me a bit that would be greatly appreciated :-) could you recommend me some songs? I only ever listen to self titled and coming up at this point haha. also, do u have some lives to recommend? And does the band have any documentaries of tour diaries or whatever? last but not least, is there a place to read their older interviews??

Hi!! Of course I can help you! Self-titled and Coming Up are my faves and they’re definitely good places to start, most of their well-known songs are on those two. My other favourite is Dog Man Star which came out between those two - The Wild Ones is the one that Brett thinks is the best Suede song ever written and he might be right because it’s really beautiful. That album has a bit of everything, there’s the angry dramatic songs like We Are The Pigs and This Hollywood Life that kind of follow Animal Nitrate, but there are also tons of ballads on there - Still Life is my favourite of the slower ones. I don’t know what other sorts of bands you’re into but if you like psychedelic rock or shoegaze or any of that sort of stuff that has long instrumental bits definitely listen to The Asphalt World. If you haven’t already checked out their b-sides you must - apparently nobody told Suede that b-sides weren’t meant to be a bit worse than album songs so there are absolute classics like To The Birds and He’s Dead and Killing of a Flash Boy and My Dark Star lurking on their b-side compilation (Sci-Fi Lullabies). Oh, and Stay Together is VITAL, they kind of hate it and it’s not on any of the albums but it’s the most beautiful nuclear apocalypse love song (if you love synthpop you’ll know that’s the best topic for a love song - looking at u Dancing With Tears In My Eyes & I Melt With You). Beyond Coming Up it starts to get a little… lower quality in places. She’s In Fashion was the first Suede song I ever knew and it’s good, it’s really chill but it has that “Brett is taking a lot of drugs” vibe. Can’t Get Enough and Obsessions are also good singles from before they broke up. There’s 3 albums from their 2010s 2nd life - I’ve not explored them in great detail yet aside from The Blue Hour which is amazing but very different to the likes of Coming Up. My fave songs from the current Suede are Barriers, Outsiders and It Starts And Ends With You which are all total rookie choices so I guess a good place to start?? If you grew up with emo music you’ll probably love 2010s Suede, I honestly don’t think it’s a world away from the sort of songs I think MCR would have made if they’d been British, and there’s a dark-lyrics-hidden-in-catchy-tunes vibe that AFI’s last few albums have had.

For lives, I’d recommend their Royal Albert Hall show from 2010 which is the reunion show that made them stay together! They also played the same venue in 1995 and if you can find a recording of that it’s really good too! For a good early Suede live show, look for Love And Poison, which is the video they put out of their show at Brixton Academy in 1993, and the Casino de Paris show from that year too which is Brett in peak exotic dancer androgyny mode. Both those are on YouTube. Finally the most important Suede live video is Animal Nitrate at the BRITs in 1993 (when bands like Suede didn’t get to play those sorts of shows - look out for the reactions of the crowd having watched Brett spank himself with his microphone and have his nipple fall out his blouse every 10 seconds). They do have a documentary called The Insatiable Ones - if you’re British and have Sky it might still be on Now TV or whatever because Sky Arts made it, but if not it’s out on DVD (but like, let me know if you want to see it and I’ll slide you a d/l link). Simon Gilbert, who is Suede’s excellent drummer, had a video camera in his hand from 1994 onwards so there’s loads of footage of them on tour and in the studio on the documentary and floating around YouTube if you search for it! There’s also a book originally called Love & Poison but reprinted as Suede: The Biography post-reunion (which I actually haven’t read yet but have heard is v good) and if you haven’t read Brett’s memoir Coal Black Mornings I cannot recommend it enough. I found it in the library but if you’re British you can get it in Fopp or The Works for only £3! Finally, old interviews aren’t hard to find on tumblr. The best place to find them is in @kalluun-patangaroa ’s archive 😊

Thanks for sending me this and letting me type the longest recommendation post ever, I hope this helps! Once you get through the music there’s a Spotify playlist someone made called “Suede-All Albums” which has every song ever on it for you to find your own faves 💖