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pseudoneiiric · 4 years ago

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meta post: lili and her gender

let me go on the record to say that i fucking love lilian eyler with my whole heart, like, i typed all this out and im so fucking emotional about her! in the past, i've written things about hello charlotte and how the lgbt representation is... lacking, let's call it, and i've also made a few headcanon posts here and there about lilian's transition and her relationship with gender. so i thought, you know, let's actually write a whole ass thing about it. so here it is.

content warnings: gender dysphoria, suicide attempts, homophobia/transphobia in the original source material

PART 1: ETHERANE'S BAD TAKES so... etherane did not handle lgbt stuff well, like, in the slightest. lili is canonically genderfluid, as seen in one of those little profile things that etherane drew that doesn't actually show up in any of the games. but her genderfluid identity isn't handled well at all in the actual source material. actually, in general, hello charlotte is pretty transphobic. to cite one example, there’s this journal entry in hello charlotte 3 talking about “defective” charlotte vessels, and one of the things that can make a charlotte vessel “defective” is for them to be born amab or intersex. this already has some really bad vibes, but then we remember also that one of the big functions of charlottes is apparently for them to be sexualized (yikes!!!!!) and so we also get this weird kind of like, “trans people aren’t hot” kind of take?

but anyway. when it comes to lilian specifically, she never actually states in canon that she’s genderfluid or otherwise trans, not even in the spinoff visual novel, which, by the way, would have been the perfect place to address her gender identity, and she consistently uses he/him pronouns. we don’t actually get to see any of her thought processes about her gender at all — like at this point, i can’t even say it’s a non-issue because that would imply that they even mentioned her gender in canon. the only time we can potentially extrapolate from canon that lili might not be cis is when anri mentions that charlotte is lili’s self-insert oc. that’s kind of heavy-handed with the whole “charlotte being the female name for charles”, but that’s another matter. the point is, with the lack of any canon basis that lilian’s even vaguely questioned her gender, the reveal that she’s actually genderfluid with like, two pieces of artwork that are detached from the actual game feels very pxrfxrmxtxvxly xnclxsxvx (performatively inclusive) especially considering how.... etherane talked about lilian’s gender in particular within the actual canon material.

after all, the story behind lilian is effectively that, after she was born, her mother was forced to abort her second child, a daughter that she would name scarlett. doing so plunged her into a really deep depression that eventually took on delusional qualities. so ever since lilian was about three years old, her mother has been referring to her exclusively as scarlett, asking her to ‘ be a good girl ’ and similarly raising her as a girl. we can see here that etherane seems to have implied that genderfluidity is something that happens because other people make it so, and isn’t an identity and lived experience. (bad take!) although, albeit unintentionally, i think etherane did lay some groundwork to talk about lilian’s relationship with her gender, specifically with regards to her projection onto her oc, charlotte. in high school, when she’s more active on the internet, we see that she’s going by charlotte and using she/her pronouns. anri, her irl friend, is pretty openly critical of that, but she sort of brushes off anri’s complaints and continues to present as feminine online. now, there’s this fanfic writer who goes by the pseudonym “c”, and lilian very quickly takes an interest in him. the way she talks to c, who doesn’t know her irl, compared anri, who does, is just like flat-out like they’re completely different people.

compare, her with c:

to her with anri:

i also wanted to mention that lili does occasionally act more “femininely” with anri, but it’s never to the extent that she does with c, and in general, affectionate banter is sort of... outright ridiculed in their friendship both ways. see this one exchange:

anri: >:) always up for some roasting lili: right? <3 <3 anri: now you’re the one being gross

unrelated but it fucking kills me that anri was like “ily <3” and lili went “gross” so she went “kys” and lili deadass goes “that’s better” like that’s what anri is referencing when she says “now you’re the one being gross” and im like... please just be healthy friends who don’t wish death on each other???

it’s also worth noting that c doesn’t know that she’s not “actually” a girl, and literally when they meet, she goes like, “it’s you who should be disappointed in me. charlotte turned out to be charles, whoops! i bet you were hoping that i’d be a cute girl.” and that’s... really depressing, like, she ended up really leaning into that cutesy side of her when she was talking to c and now she feels the need to be a lot more... sarcastic and bitter, like how she is with anri, because now c “knows the truth about her”, that she’s “actually been a guy all along”.

in any case, i think the intent that etherane was going for with this was kind of like... “lilian’s actually a repressed cis gay man!” which is . not great. it gives off this really gross vibes where it’s implied that since lili was raised as a girl and is into men, she got “confused” and started going by she/her online because she couldn’t come to terms with her sexuality or whatever. and that’s just such a bad take!!!

not to mention that a really important part of lili’s backstory is... her germaphobia. she has persistent delusions accompanied by visual hallucinations where she sees people as “parasites”, which visually manifests as them rotting or decomposing. because of that, she wears gloves all the time and is repulsed by physical touch. but when she meets c (whose real name is vincent) in person, she pretty much instantly goes for skin-to-skin contact with him, where she takes off her glove and holds his hand. and like, sure, that’s sweet, but that’s really not how mental illness... works. in the slightest. she doesn’t react at all when his hand touches hers, despite the fact that she has literally had panic attacks in canon from touching things without her gloves. and it gives off this implication that mental illness can be cured with romance somehow, and that’s a really bad take!

this feeds into fandom understanding that like, well, if lilian sees vincent as pure and allows him to touch her, then Obviously she’d let him kiss her, they could probably have sex, etc. and like... she’s canonically asexual though! and that brings us to the other implication, that asexuality is somehow... caused by something. like, there’s nothing in canon to state that lilian experiences sexual attraction (or even really romantic attraction, like i know etherane went off in heaven’s gate and did a lot of ship tease, but she never really outright says she’s crushing on anyone), but judging from the way etherane handled lilian’s gender identity, i have a sneaking suspicion that she established lilian’s asexuality with her mental illnesses specifically in mind. lilian’s autistic, germaphobic, has severe ocd, and she’s been sexually assaulted in the past. therefore, she must be asexual! that’s the sort of vibes i get from the game, and im not here for it. similarly to how her genderfluidity was handled, she makes no actual statement in canon that she doesn’t experience sexual attraction. the closest she’s ever come to this is when she says to anri in heaven’s gate that she is just straight up not interested in kissing (to which anri is like, “well what if it were vincent owo??” which. ugh. anyway). it just seems really strange to me to design a character with severe mental health issues with regards to physical touch and then just sort of treat it as a given that she’s asexual. it’s another example of etherane implying that lgbt identities are results of traumatic experiences or symptoms of mental illness and not an identity or lived experience. you can be sex-repulsed and not be asexual, and while i understand that many people do identify as ace due to trauma and other such things, it still feels like really bad rep when taken with the way lilian’s genderfluidity was portrayed.

PART 2: HOW “CHARLES” IS DIFFERENT FROM “LILIAN”

throughout hello charlotte, lilian identifies herself as a passive observer, someone who doesn’t directly interfere in events. this applies mostly to her existence in false realm, where she’s like... a god, and doesn’t want to interfere in the balance of the world. but i believe she also has always seen herself as an observer. in her very first scene, the one where she and anri are watching someone get bullied, she’s the one who tells anri that there’s no point in getting help. because her role is just to observe. to take pictures for anri, to be a good girl, to say yes to everything and to never express her opinions, feelings, thoughts.

and honestly, i think the main reason for that is that she’s dysphoric. whenever she talks about herself, she’s really self-deprecating, especially compared to when she talks about charlotte. i feel like the main reason why lilian detaches herself from the world and refuses to really perceive herself is because she’s fundamentally disgusted with her gender presentation. and like, we can see in the two times that she’s presented femininely (with c and in that one comic) that lili is just so much happier and more bubbly when she’s presenting as feminine. you can literally see her stop dissociating and becoming more present in the moment because she’s just. so much more comfortable in her skin. compare:

these pictures with this one:

it’s funny i was going to say that there is a picture where she’s presenting as masculine and actually smiles like a person, but guess what! she’s texting c! so she’s actually performing femininity!

but the point is, like... when she’s presenting as masculine, especially in the canon pictures rather than etherane’s art, she just doesn’t look... happy. and then we compare that to how much more present she seems when she’s presenting as feminine, and how much more comfortable she seems in being, like, happy! and cute! but there is a downside to this. and that is...

PART 3: DIFFICULTIES IN LILI’S TRANSITION

in my sort of... “main verse” for lili, i have it so that her suicide attempt failed and that she was somehow... saved from drowning. mother passes away and she starts to... soul search a little bit and find a reason to live, and somewhere along the line she starts to transition socially. that means she starts transitioning at a pretty... extremely vulnerable point in her life. in the year between 18-19 years old, she’d be a wreck. she’s growing her hair out, but she feels insecure about it. she starts to wear skirts, but only at home. she buys makeup and never wears it. it’s a long process for her, because it’s one thing to go by she/her online or to claim she’s just a gender-confused gay boy and a completely different thing to come out as a trans woman and to actually see herself as a woman and not some kind of imposter. considering that she was raised as a girl, she would have a large amount of guilt over transitioning, feeling like she’s going to be seen as confused, or that her gender identity is a direct result of her childhood trauma. but she’s not just worried that others will see her that way: she’s worried that she’s going to see herself that way.

and for a long time, she probably does see herself that way. for a long time, scarlett would probably treat her transition as some kind of attempt to personify her unborn sister and comply with perceived expectations rather than an attempt to feel comfortable in her own skin. she’d get nervous that she’s somehow becoming scarlett, because though she’s always thought it would be easier if she’d just been her sister, she’s never really wanted to be scarlett. she’d be scared to wear mid-length skirts, scared to put her hair up in a bun, probably even scared to wear red for a time, all because she’s scared of somehow losing herself and becoming her alter.

because of her caution and concern with identifying as a trans woman and not as the “safer“ gender identity of genderfluidity (where she can say she’s trans but never actually have to “push boundaries” by wearing feminine clothing or using any pronouns besides he/him), it would likely take her a very long time to take the step to medically transition. she’d likely never get any gender affirmation surgeries just because of how invasive the procedure is, but hormones would probably be something she’d look into once she’s much older and has a more stable income.

i mentioned before that before her transition, she uses dissociation and observation as a way to cope with her gender dysphoria. she saw herself as someone who didn’t really participate in the world, was a class ghost, invisible to everyone and a minuscule part of a vast universe. but upon transitioning, she’d feel much more actively self-conscious. once she starts to present in a feminine way, she’d feel like she’s being seen, like she’s actually participating in the world, and that’s both a blessing and a curse.

she’d be much more prone to stammering, especially when saying her name, and would blush far more often. she’d be afraid of saying the wrong thing or messing up somehow. and on top of that, she’d likely feel predatory for talking to others, always wondering if others find her cute or repulsive, always wondering if someone will perceive her and harm her in some way.

she’d very likely also feel really guilty about her own emotional experience. because she’s so used to being a passive observer, a puppet that only does what others want, she would feel like it’s selfish to be just... content. she’s so actively disgusted with herself before she transitions that she’s never allowed herself to be mentally present for a happy moment in her entire life. she always second-guesses, always dismisses positive things as a mere coincidence, and after she transitions, when she starts being more present in her life, she’d feel so guilty for just allowing herself to be happy.

because of that, she has some trouble with presenting as feminine consistently — she’d vary the “level” of her feminine presentation from day-to-day, where she might go full femme one day and another day stick with a beanie and a pair of slacks. she’s much more comfortable with presenting as more traditionally feminine when she’s at home or with trusted friends in a private space, but around 19 years old, she makes a vested effort to remain in public spaces. she’d time herself, saying, “for one hour, i’ll stay in this café while wearing a skirt, and then i can leave,” and she’d gradually increase the amount of time she spends in public spaces. and eventually, eventually she does end up feeling really comfortable with her gender presentation and falls into a more static sense of style. she really likes clothing design, so she ends up wearing a lot more dynamic outfits when she’s more comfortable with herself, and she probably also mildly gets into cosplay.

i also like to think that she reconnects with anri during her young adult years. either it’s like, right after her suicide attempt (i’ve written before that she’d had anri listed as her emergency contact and forgot to change it when she moved), or it’s at some point after she starts transitioning socially. i think it’d be really sweet for them to be friends in a more real way, and the sheer concept of anri teaching lili how to properly apply makeup and to set her hair is just so fucking sweet i might die. they both deserve to have friends so i think this is just a step up from hello charlotte canon.

#long post //#lilian eyler: study.#ive been working on this post for days. im fuckign emotional about her

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btswrckd · 5 years ago

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Not Afraid Anymore

Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Summary: You didn’t think Jungkook could you want you in any way other than friendship but it seems you were wrong.

Warnings: Idol au, unprotected sex, fingering, dirty talk, poorly written smut

A/N: I’m not going to lie to you guys, I have no title (literally, it’s just the song I was listening to when I wrote it) and no real summary for this, but I found it sitting in my drafts and remembered that I had promised this long before I started working on Hunting a Hybrid. Also, it’s not going to stay this way, I have much bigger plans for this fic but I wanted to post it because I neglected it for so long. Hope you enjoy anyways!

P.S. If you’re curious about the song, it’s Not Afraid Anymore by Halsey for the Fifty Shades Darker soundtrack.

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“It's too early for this.” You groaned while bundled up in Jin's hoodie and dropped your head to Taehyung's shoulder. “How do you guys constantly get up at the ass crack of dawn like this?”

“You learn to get used to it.” Taehyung kissed your temple and chuckled at the way you flailed your arms about in a small tantrum. “I told you to get some rest but no, you had to---.”

“Don't say it.” You warned and pinched his arm. “Why do I always have to remind you guys to be careful with what you say when we're in public?”

“Taehyung, behave,” Jin strode up to the two of you, leaning down to brush a kiss to your forehead. “Y/N's right. We're around all kinds of people everyday and we never know who’s recording what. Not everyone will understand our relationship. We’re lucky the team we have now tolerates our actions.”

“Sorry, hyung,” Taehyung bowed his head in apology before being called away for his change of clothes.

You let out a long sigh and sank into the cushions of the couch. Watching the multitude of people swarm around the room, you always wondered how the 7 men got used to the bumbling and bustling.

“Remind me again why I agreed to be part of this music video.” You asked Jisoo, the longest makeup artist to stick with the company and your best friend when she held up a black bag.

“Because you love the guys.” She giggled as you took the bag from her. “And because their management team has something pretty juicy up their sleeves for this comeback. Can you imagine all the theories the fans will come up with?”

“You mean can I imagine all the fans finally figuring out I'm sleeping with 6 members of Bangtan and then roasting me alive? Yes, yes I can.”

“Oh my god,” Jisoo rolled her eyes and pushed you in the direction of the dressing room. “You're being dramatic. The guys would never let that happen to you and the fans will be knee deep in wondering why BigHit put out a music video with a more adult theme than the guys have ever had. So the fans pick up on something going on between you and the guys, that's what good actors do.”

“And the trophy for number one fan of Bangtan goes to...” You snorted as she shoved you for teasing her and you fell into a solid chest.

“Ah, noona, are you okay?”

You blinked up at Jungkook and somehow lost the ability to speak. His large hands clasping your hips tight and keeping you steady left you a stuttering mess. Jungkook had been the only member to never sleep with you, never even try to sleep with you. You couldn't say you weren't a little offended, but you also knew it was quite selfish of you to want him in that way when he had no interest in you.

“Kook.” You blushed at his fingers dipping underneath your shirt to keep a firm grip on you. Your hands curled into the fabric of the leather jacket he had just changed in to. “Um, hi.”

“Hi, noona,” He shook his head, his lips curling up into a teasing smile. He really did love to get a rise out of you, it was easily his favorite way to pass the time. He tilted his head to the side, a seemingly innocent gesture to anyone not frequently hovering around him.

To you it was his way of making you feel like a child when you would sputter and huff out a frustrated breath at not being able to string together an intelligent sentence. Truthfully, you wondered how Namjoon put up with you most of the time.

“Are you okay?” Jungkook repeated, breaking you from your thoughts. “Did you not sleep well? You were up pretty late.”

“Jeon Jungkook!” You hissed and stepped out of his hold. You weren't too sure why you were embarrassed at having been heard by him the previous night. Maybe it was because when he was in the house, you did your best not to disturb him when you were being intimate with another member.

But he was home last night, he heard everything, and you wished the ground would open up and swallow you whole.

“Can you please go get dressed?” Jisoo ushered you away and into a nearby dressing room. “We're running behind schedule.”

Jungkook watched you go, letting his eyes drop to the sway of your hips. Of course he wanted to be with you. He'd have to be an idiot not to. But there was a lingering fear that he wouldn't be enough for you. He was the youngest member and while he was by no means a virgin, he wasn't as experienced as his elders.

“Could you be anymore obvious?” Jisoo’s voice had him jumping, not having realized she was still standing next to him.

“You scared the life out of me.” He put his hand to his racing heart and sighed while she laughed and patted his back. “What are you talking about? Obvious about what?”

“You like Y/N,” She clarified as she tugged on his sleeve to bring him to her makeup station, sitting him in her chair to touch up his hair. “Don’t deny it, Jeon Jungkook, it’s written all over your face. Why don’t you tell her?”

“Because what if I’m not good enough.” Jungkook mumbled. “My hyungs are more...experienced. I wouldn't want to disappoint her.”

She rolled her eyes and swept some hair from his face, “You've seen her drool over you. I very highly doubt you'll disappoint her.”

Just as he was about to speak, you emerged from the room Jisoo had ushered you into and his breath hitched at the sight of you; Jisoo had picked out a gorgeous black dress that left little to the imagination. He watched you tug at the hem as if that was going to make it grow longer.

“Oh my god, you look amazing!” Jisoo squealed, running over to you and hauling into a chair next to Jungkook. “I told you a lace bodice would look good on you miss 'it's gonna be too tight'.” She turned to Jungkook with a smirk as he took a sudden interest in his own reflection. “It looks good, right Jungkook?”

“Mmhmm, yeah, looks great.” He scratched at the back of his neck and let out an awkward cough.

You slumped in your chair, any hopes of getting a compliment out of him long gone. Crossing your knees, you grumbled at having to repeatedly pull on the end of your dress to keep it from riding up your thighs. You hated dresses, they were a pain and the way the lace clung to your frame was not appreciated. You could barely move in the material. How the hell were you supposed to get through the choreography?

You wiggled around in your chair as Jisoo tried her best to keep you in place to apply your makeup. The foundation felt heavy on your skin even when she swore it was only a thin layer, teasing you for trying to swat her hand away as she brought a shade of red lipstick to your mouth.

“Honestly, if you're not going to hold still then I'm going to tie you down.” She nudged your shoulder, whispering in your ear, “And I'll get Jungkook to help.”

A blush crept up your collarbone and cheeks, resembling a tomato as she laughed and stalked off to find a curling iron. It was official, you hated your best friend.

A sudden weight on your knees caught your attention and you glanced at your lap to find Jungkook's leather jacket draped over your legs. You looked up in time to find his face right in front of yours, his eyes boring into yours and you swore he could hear the rapid beating of your heart.

“Kook?” Your breathed fanned across his face and he smiled at you, his bunny teeth breaking through and you squeezed your thighs together as an unexpected pang of arousal shot through you. You were mortified as he raised a brow, having noticed the action.

“You seem uncomfortable in your dress, noona.” He observed. “Doesn't Jisoo have another one picked out just in case?”

“I uh,” You toyed with the leather of his jacket and focused on the mirror behind him. Which was clearly a mistake as you saw the muscles of his back flex beneath his dress shirt. “Th-This one is fine. I mean I can't really move as freely as when I'm in sweatpants, but…”

“You look really gorgeous,” Jungkook backed away when Jisoo approached your chair, curling iron in one hand and a hair brush in the other.

“I've been waiting forever to finally get ahold of you long enough to curl your hair,” She pulled the elastic band from your ponytail and began brushing it out. She eyed Jungkook after seeing his jacket on your knees, “Did you get cold or something?”

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It took a good 20 minutes for Jisoo to release your final curl from the iron, hairspray following soon after. She grinned and fluffed your curls with excitement.

“You look so good!” She squealed, shaking your shoulders and you laughed at her enthusiasm. “Oh, we have some other backup dresses in the next room if you want to take a look. I know that one must feel a little short.”

“Thank you!” You stood from her chair and stretched your hands above your head, hearing your back pop in the process and you let out a satisfied moan. Forgoing the heels picked out for you, you stepped into a pair of slippers and made your way to the room next door.

The most expensive of dresses lined a clothing rack right next to the boys’ outfits. A beautiful ballet halter dress caught your eye, the white starting at the neckline flowing down into an aqua blue color as it reached your calves. Taking it off the rack and stripping from the current dress you had on, you pulled on a pair of spandex shorts before slipping the new dress over your head. The material flared out more and more after it reached your hips, giving you a lot more room to work with and you smiled.

Hearing the click of the door behind you had you spinning around to face whoever walked in. A small laugh made its way out of your mouth at Jungkook admiring the new dress. “Hey. You scared me, Kookie.”

“Sorry, noona,” He chuckled and let his eyes roam your face, jaw clenching when you tucked your bottom lip between your teeth. “I um, was coming to see if you were okay. You didn’t look comfortable in Jisoo-noona’s chair earlier.”

“I’m okay,” You nodded, grabbing the material of your dress and swaying the material to show how easy it was to move in. “Much better actually. Did you see how tight that other one was? I love Jisoo’s sense of style but I like this one a lot more.”

“Of course,” Jungkook gave you a warm smile and took the time to scan you from head to toe while you were preoccupied with looking through the duffel bag you’d brought with you.

You were intent on finding your jazz flats; heels weren’t going to be much help in the type of choreography Hoseok had taught you in the last few weeks. Finally finding your split-soles, you gestured for Jungkook to come closer and he obeyed silently, debating on whether or not it was a good idea to be close to you when he was already half hard from your earlier dress.

He stood tall next to you, watching as you clamped a hand on his shoulder to keep your balance as you slipped the shoes on. His mouth parted in awe as you tested them for flexibility, bouncing from one foot to the other, stretching your leg as far back behind you as you could, and standing on the tips of your toes as if to break the shoes in some more. He always marveled at your dance skills that easily rivaled or sometimes even dominated Hoseok’s.

“What do you think, Jungkookie?” You managed to snap him from his thoughts, blushing when his dark eyes ventured from your breasts to your face. “Does it...look okay?”

“You’re beautiful as always. There’s not a day you look anything but, noona.” His eyes focused on the small blotch of lipstick staining your chin.

“Oh, um, you’ve got…” Jungkook gestured to the side of his mouth, smiling when you wiped away at your own face but missing the small stain.

“No, here,” He stepped close and lifted his hand to skim his fingers across your face. “How is it that you managed to smudge your lipstick right after Jisoo applied it?”

“Ah, you know I fuss a lot when she does my makeup.” You wrapped your fingers around his wrist and turned away from his gaze, leaning against the empty table behind you. “The stylists are going to kill you for barging in on me, you know? You should head back out there. I’ll be done in a minute.”

Jungkook didn’t move for a solid minute before deciding ‘fuck it’ and pressed his hips to yours, crowding you and planting both palms on either side of your body to keep you in place. “I’ll just tell them I came to check on you. Since your face was all red back there.”

“Right.” You attempted to sound as normal as possible, but you knew that was a lost cause when he chuckled and used one hand to brush the hair from your face. “I just, um---.”

“Why do you always blush around me, noona?” Jungkook leaned close to plant a soft kiss to your cheek, your body stiffening at the sudden act of affection. If it weren't for all the times he'd caught you staring at his every move when you thought you were being subtle, he would have backed away. Panic would have washed over him and he'd try to play it off as his awkward attempt at joking if he didn't know you inside and out. “Do you still see me as just a kid?”

“What? O-Of course not, Jungkook. I---.”

“Then can I kiss you?” He was closer than before now, his nose and lips brushing against your own and you found yourself chasing after his almost kiss when he pulled back. “Please?”

You could only nod wordlessly, your knees buckling at the first press of his lips and he had to wrap one arm around your waist to keep you from falling. One of your hands came off the table to press against his chest while the other slid its way up to tangle in his hair.

Your lips were soft and warm as they moved in sync with his, the smallest of moans miffed by the sudden prodding of his tongue. He coaxed your mouth open with small licks and nips of his teeth on your bottom lip.

“Kook,” You broke away from him as breathing was soon becoming a problem. His mouth instead moving down your jaw to decorate the expanse of your neck in purple bruises. “You know Jisoo's going to kill you for marking me up.”

“Jisoo's not as scary as she likes to think.” Jungkook reached down to cup the back of your thighs and lift you onto the table, burying his face into your neck and inching his fingers up higher until they met the hem of your spandex shorts.

“Jungkook,” You breathed against his ear before he pulled back to peel the material down to pool at his feet, “are you sure? You know your hyungs and I never pushed---ah!”

His thumbed pushed past the lace of your panties and thrummed against your clit before he slipped a finger past your wet folds, slowly adding another. “I know. I know you did your best to make me comfortable, noona. Your relationship with my brothers was always your business. But, fuck, I can't help it anymore. You're so gorgeous, noona, and you sound so pretty when you moan. Won't you make those sounds for me too?”

You gasped, looping your arms around his neck and tugging on his hair. Your legs crossed behind his back and you rocked your hips up to meet the thrusting of his fingers. “God, Jungkook.”

“Just like that, baby.” Jungkook groaned at your juices coating his fingers while his other hand worked on undoing his belt.

You pulled back to untuck his shirt from his pants, undoing the buttons quickly. “This isn't how I'd imagined being with you for the first time.”

“I know, noona,” He pressed a gentle kiss to your lips, deepening it while your hands worked at the zipper of his jeans. “I promise we have plenty of time to go slow later. I just need to be inside you right now.”

“Mmm I don't know, Kookie,” You slipped your hand into his boxers, running your fingers along the length of his cock. Your mouth went dry at how thick he was, your forefinger having trouble touching your thumb. “Do you deserve it? You did make me wait all this time, after all. Maybe I should make you wait until we get back to the dorms.”

A growl made its way up Jungkook's throat as he hit a particular spot inside of you, making you arch your back. “That's not a game you want to play with me, sweetheart.”

“Ah, Jungkookie,” You giggled and pumped your hand slowly, your thumb coming around to swipe at the precum pooling on the head of his cock. You smirked as his head fell forward to your shoulder and his hips rocked into your touch, thrusting into your hand while your grip tightened slightly. “I think I’d win that game pretty easily.”

He moaned at the feel of your lips against his neck, sucking pretty bruises into his skin and his fingers curled inside of you, a small whimper leaving you. He knew you wanted to be able to control the situation, and any other day he would gladly let you if time was something to be spared. Today though, you were all on a schedule and were already running late, he didn’t want anyone barging into the room in search of you.

Jungkook pulled his fingers away and lifted you up, turning and sitting on the table while pulling you onto his lap. Bunching your dress up and gathering both of your wrists in one hand, he pulled your chest flush against his.

“We've both waited long enough, noona,” He used his free hand to pull his cock free from his jeans, using the head to run along your folds and coat himself in your juices. Pushing your panties to the side, he felt your thighs tremble before sheathing himself fully inside.

“Fuck!” You whimpered and dropped your head to his shoulder. His size took much more time adjusting to than the 6 other members. “W-why...how are you so...big?”

He gripped your hips roughly and rocked you back and forth on his lap. Your breath hitched with every movement, feeling the sweet drag of his cock against your walls. “All those nights I had to listen to you and my brothers,” he bucked his hips up to meet your thrusts, “all this time I had to listen to you beg for them to touch you. How do you think I felt?”

You turned your head to brush your lips against his neck and listened to the lewd sounds of skin slapping against skin. Chewing on your bottom lip, you tried your best to conceal your moans but it was proving to be difficult with the way he slammed into you. “You know I wanted you too, Kookie. You know how much I wanted you to touch me too.”

“Yeah? How bad did you want me, Y/N?” Jungkook cupped the back of your head and pulled your mouth up to his. “Did you think of me when you were with my brothers? Like last night when Jimin-hyung fucked you in the shower?”

“Y-Yes,” You admitted because their shared bathroom was right next to Jungkook's room and you knew he could hear everything so there was no sense in denying it. “I w-wanted you to hear.”

“Oh? Why is that?” He planted his feet firmly, grinding up into you as hard as he could, almost like punishment. “Does hyung know I was on your mind when he had you on your knees for him?”

“Yes!” You cried out at a particularly harsh thrust, hissing when his fingernails dug into the skin of your neck, your knees burning red from rubbing against the plastic table, “Yes, Jimin knew. It wa-was his idea. Said he wanted you to kn-know what you were missing. Fuck, Kook!”

“You want to cum, baby?” He felt your walls clench around him, making a mental note to kill Jimin later. The sudden ringing of his phone didn't phase him as he let go of your neck and dug into his pocket, answering with a growl. “Hyung?”

“Where the hell are you?” Namjoon asked through grit teeth. “And where is Y/N? Jisoo is looking for her and let me tell you---.”

Namjoon's rant was cut off by Jungkook's groan and your accompanying moan. His eyebrows shot up in surprise and he had to scan the room to make sure no one was too close to overhear him. “Are you guys…? Jeon Jungkook, you better not have hauled her off for some quickie right before we're about to shoot.”

“Sorry,” Jungkook let out a breathless chuckle and dropped his head back as you rolled your hips, lifting yourself up and dropping back down at an achingly slow pace. “She just looked so good, hyung. So pretty and the way she clenched her thighs together when I got near her...ugh, fuck, she feels so good.”

“Yeah, only took you long enough.” Namjoon snorted and tried to discreetly adjust himself. He always did get off to the sounds of you and one of his members. “Maybe here and now of all places wasn't the best timing. Are you even listening?!”

“No,” Jungkook moved his free hand down to rub circles on your clit, not even bothering to lie. “Are you close, baby? You look so beautiful when you cum and it's going to be all for me, right pet?”

Namjoon took in a deep breath and tried to focus on something other than your whines and instead hearing the rustling of fabric. “You better not be messing up her dress, Kook, you hear me?”

Jungkook wrapped an arm around your waist and held you steady, grinding his hips up and hissing as you dug your nails into his shoulders. “Don't worry, hyung, I'm not going to dirty her dress. Our little pet is going to let me cum inside, right baby?”

You nodded as a choked sob left your mouth, clinging to his shoulders and combing your fingers through his hair.

“Use your words.” Jungkook demanded with grit teeth and moved his free hand up to your back, splaying his fingers between your shoulder blades. “Where am I gonna cum, baby? Say it. Say it loud enough for Namjoon-hyung to hear.”

“Inside, Jungkook, pl-please cum inside me.” You were breathless and struggling to form coherent sentences but years of sleeping with someone as dominant as his older brothers taught you that when they ask, you answer.

“Fuck,” Namjoon groaned from his side of the phone. “You better be careful, Jungkook, I'm not kidding. None of us have ever...we always wear condoms.”

“She's been a good girl, hyung,” Jungkook panted and felt your walls clench around him once more, a curse falling from his lips. “She's been taking her birth control pills.”

“Ah, Jungkook!” You cried when he pulled you close and bit down on the skin of your neck, decorating it in purple.

“She knows how much I've wanted to be inside her like this, right sweetheart? Tell hyung how much you want it.”

You whimpered as he put the phone to your ear and you heard Namjoon's ragged breathing. “Yes! Yes, I want it. Please, Joon, please can I have it?”

“Goddamnit,” Namjoon cursed and had to turn away from the crowd of stylists surrounding him to put the finishing touches on his face and hair. “Yes, princess, you can have it. Take all of Kookie's cum like a good girl.”

Dropping his phone to the floor, Jungkook shot up from the table to press you flat against it and he pushed your legs up to your chest while his cock sank deeper, hitting that spot that had you keening.

Your own hand came up to clamp over your mouth in hopes of muddling the cries that accompanied his harsh thrusts, the coil that formed long ago in the pit of your belly finally snapping and your back arched up with the intensity of your orgasm.

“Shit,” He leaned his forehead against yours where your lips met in a kiss made of nothing but teeth and tongue. The small press of your fingers against his abdomen had him slowing his hips until he was simply fit snug inside of your cunt. “Please, noona, just a little more.”

“I just…” You whimpered as he shifted his weight impatiently, “I need a second, Kook.”

Jungkook nodded, little droplets of sweat dripping onto your cheek as he peppered your neck and collar bone with kisses and little nips of his teeth. He felt your hands ghosting across his chest as if familiarizing yourself with every muscle, his body shuddering when one hand snuck its way underneath his shirt and your nails dug into his skin. Your fingers caressed up the length of his neck, to his jaw, and then to his cheek where he turned and kissed the palm of your hand lovingly.

Propping yourself up on one elbow forced Jungkook to give you some space and let your legs dangle on either side of his. You were too lost in the way his eyes held yours to notice when he gave an experimental thrust. Then two, then three and before you knew it, he had set another pace that had your toes curling.

“You can give me one more, can't you noona?” Jungkook straightened his back and hitched your thigh over his hip to give him a different angle, his pace relentless. “You'll be a good girl and cum again for me, won't you?”

“Shit, shit, shit!” You chanted as another orgasm washed over you, triggering his own and he painted your walls white with ropes of cum. Feeling his fingers grip your chin, his lips were on yours to muffle his groans while he rocked against you gently.

Your heavy breathing and his filled the room as he rode out his orgasm, your chest rising and falling heavily and you let out a small laugh, “Kookie, the stylists are going to kill you.”

“Mmm,” He scrunched his nose up in a smile, “then I'd die happy.”

“You're a brat.” You teased and slapped his shoulder, pushing him away gently, a mix of your juices and his trickling down your thigh.

He snorted and reached under your dress to collect it and used two fingers to push his cum back inside your sensitive folds. “This stays in you, Y/N. Not a drop spills or Namjoon-hyung will punish you.”

You nodded with a blush dusting across your cheeks and readjusted your dress to look as presentable as possible.

Jungkook ran a hand through his hair and knew he was going to catch hell for messing up the clothes that had been laid out for the both of you. He tucked his now soft cock back into his pants and cupped your face to leave a small peck on your lips. “I love you, noona.”

Your stomach flipped, butterflies fluttering like you were a teenager again and hearing those words for the first time ever. “I love you too, Jungkookie.”

He pulled back to let you stand and smooth down your dress before he took your hand in his, lacing your fingers together to guide you back to the awaiting crew.

“Everyone's staring.” You mumbled as you stepped out of the dressing room and immediately caught the attention of the 6 other boys.

“What the hell?!” Jisoo seethed and stormed up to the two of you, poking Jungkook in the chest. “Have you lost your mind, Jeon Jungkook? Do you know how long it took me to do her makeup and now I have to cover up more hickies? Your hyungs are bad enough.”

Jungkook ducked his head in apology and let her take you back to her makeup chair. He stalked over to his seniors and blushed when Namjoon clapped him on the back.

“What's gotten into you?” Namjoon chuckled while Hoseok pinched his cheek. “You know you didn't even hang up the damn phone. Jimin's ready to burst.”

“Hyung,” Jimin pouted and stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans in attempt to hide his arousal.

“Our Jungkookie's becoming a man, Namjoon.” Hoseok cooed as Jungkook slapped his hands away.

“Pet,” Namjoon repeated in a teasing tone, “sweetheart, baby. Someone's been listening in on us.”

“Well the walls aren't exactly soundproof!” Jungkook looked away from his seniors as another makeup artist approached them, using a makeup wipe to clean his neck and face, ridding him of the red lipstick stains.

“Our little Kookie's finally grown up.” Taehyung put a hand to his chest and wiped away an invisible tear. “We're so proud.”

“Stop it,” You warned, approaching them with a fresh coat of lipstick and the hickies nowhere to be found thanks to Jisoo.

“How are you feeling, baby?” Namjoon took you in his embrace and kissed the top of your head.

“Sore.” You whispered in hopes of not embarrassing Jungkook more. “The hell have you guys been teaching him?”

“He learned all that on his own.” Namjoon smirked down at you. “It was pretty hot though.”

“Oh my God, shut up.” You pushed away from him and crossed your arms. “Can you be any more embarrassing?”

“Oh Jungkook! Oh Kookie! Please can I have it?! I want it!” Namjoon mocked and laughed as your jaw fell in horror before your fist reared back and came forward to connect with his stomach. He doubled over in pain as his other members laughed and Jungkook tried to sink in on himself to disappear.

“You know what? Just for that,” You huffed and glanced around to see if anyone was listening, “Kookie's the only one who can touch me for the next week.”

“What?!” The 6 other members gaped at you.

“Why am I being punished?!” Taehyung whined. “I didn't even do anything!”

You crooked your finger at Jungkook and wrapped your arms around his neck when he got close enough. You smiled as his bunny teeth broke through his grin and you really wanted to give him another kiss but one look from Jisoo had you pouting and stepping away before you got into any more trouble.

3 Days Later:

You didn't remember how you ended up flat on your back on the kitchen counter with Jungkook buried balls deep inside you but you were pretty sure it was his intention to be so just as his older brothers walked through the door.

Yoongi was the first to spot you two, stopping dead in his tracks and barely budging as each member behind him ran into his back. His pupils blowing out at the sight of your naked body clinging to Jungkook's like your life depended on it and your breasts bouncing against the maknae's chest with each harsh thrust.

His hands curled into fists, his blunt nails digging into the skin as a way to keep himself from hauling you off. They were being punished for teasing Jungkook and now they all had to watch Jungkook's lips suck at your skin greedily and your fingers tugging on his hair.

Yoongi figured that you used this time to familiarize yourself with Jungkook's likes and dislikes, and to your surprise and his seniors, you quickly learned that Jungkook was not a fan of condoms. He was the first of the members to fuck you without one and you both knew that it meant Taehyung probably gathered every condom in the house and threw them out.

“Kookie,” You gasped out as your other hand brushed down his back, your nails biting into his skin. You heard the sounds of the keypad and tapped Jungkook's shoulder to try and get his attention but it was useless as his mouth worked at your neck. It was when Namjoon rounded the corner to catch your eye that you braced your hands against Jungkook's chest to push him away.

“No, no, princess,” Namjoon's firm command didn't deter Jungkook, who instead wound his arm beneath your knee. “It's okay, baby, let Jungkookie make you feel good.”

You could have cried if it felt any better. Jungkook was long and thick, leaving you to wonder how the hell he could wear such tight pants. “Fuck!”

Jungkook grunted in agreement as he buried himself to the hilt, making you come undone. His lips moved lower to your chest to feather kisses along your heaving breasts. You were both sweaty and spent but he really had no care in the world as he took his time coaxing you to relax with small brushes of his lips.

“You look tired, baby,” Namjoon frowned and reached over to push your sweat soaked hair from your face. “Jungkookie, did you make sure your noona was alright?”

Jungkook only nodded while trying to catch his breath, decorating your chest in love bites and glancing up at his senior.

“Are you still hard, Kook?” Namjoon shot him a glare. Of course the little devil would time it just right so his brothers could catch a glimpse of what they were missing.

“Yes,” Jungkook panted into your bruising skin, “But I'm okay noona, I don't have to---.”

“Kookie, relax,” You soothed him with a soft kiss, “it's okay.”

“Ah, but you're tired and I---.”

“Need a cold shower.” Taehyung piped up from the living room and Jungkook blushed a deep shade of red.

You smiled gently at him, running your hands down his chest and admiring his tanned skin. “I'm okay, Jungkook. Keep going. Please.”

“Can you even still handle it, baby?,” Hoseok was suddenly next to Namjoon, Yoongi not far behind. “You look exhausted. Jungkook-ah, how long have you…?”

“Since you left.” You hummed as if you hadn't been out of breath a moment ago.

“What?” Yoongi blanched, trying to decide if he should be impressed with Jungkook’s stamina or pissed that there was still a whole 4 days left before he could get his hands on you.

“That's the appeal of a younger man, hyung,” Jungkook teased, rolling his hips gently and hoping he wasn’t overstimulating you.

“Yah, you little brat!” Yoongi lunged for the maknae but was held back by Hoseok wrapping his arms around Yoongi's shoulders. “I could kill you right here, kid!”

“Okay, we're just gonna,” Hoseok struggled to pull Yoongi to the front door, nodding his head for the rest to follow, “take a walk.”

Namjoon patted Jungkook's shoulder with a smile, “He's going to murder you when we get back.”

Jungkook buried his face into the crook of your neck to hide his smile while you giggled at Yoongi’s outburst, knowing full well that he couldn’t stay mad at you. He felt your soft kisses against his temple to coax him into looking back at your face to kiss him properly, your fingers pulling at his black locks. Your other hand skimmed up his shoulder to join the already tangled fingers in his hair, tugging to expose the column of his throat and he moaned as your lips travelled to his jaw line then lower.

Teeth sinking into his soft skin ever so gently, you gasped when his hips rocked into yours to start a wonderfully quick pace before you guys had been interrupted. You could hear the small grunts of effort whispered against the shell of your ear and you dropped back against the counter to admire the way his jaw clenched and the veins pop out against his neck.

With your head lolling from side to side, Jungkook sped up his thrusts and nearly smirked at the way your eyes rolled into the back of your head but your fourth orgasm of the night triggered his own, hips colliding with yours once more before filling you to the brim with his cum.

“Holy shit,” You breathed and reached up to run your fingers through your hair, “you’re so much work, Kookie.”

“Hey,” Jungkook whined and tried his best to keep from collapsing onto you, “I’m the one that did all the extra work this time.”

“Oh? And earlier when you made me ride you in your gaming chair wasn’t extra work?” You pinched his cheek, biting your bottom lip as he pulled out, your juices leaking along the insides of your thighs. Your legs felt like jelly and you were almost embarrassed to admit you couldn’t even stand because the last thing you needed was to stroke his already too big ego.

“Come on, noona,” He chuckled and tucked his arms underneath your limp body to carry you to the bathroom where he gently sat you in the tub and ran a warm bath for the both of you. He slid into the ceramic tub behind you, pulling your back flush against his chest and resting his chin on your shoulder. He felt you hum in content and brought his hands up to twine his fingers with yours, placing a small kiss to the back of your head. “I love you, noona, you know that right?”

“Of course,” You frowned and turned your head to look at him, searching his features for any sign of doubt. “I love you too.”

“Good because Yoongi hyung is gonna kill me when he gets back and I needed to hear that.”

#jeon jungkook smut #jeon jungkook fic #bts imagine #bts smut #bts fic #idol au #not afraid anymore fic #jeon jungkook imagine

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empty-dream · 7 years ago

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Me watching Fate/Apocrypha ep 13

With that piano intro, it feels like there is a narration saying “Once upon a time, in an ancient babylonian flying fortress”

If there is any book with that intro I’d read the shit out of it

Sieg be like “I’ve seen too many shit I should apply to become the new wonder of the world”

Sieg: “I’m sorry I was reckless” Astolfo: “bOI THAT WAS NOT RECKLESS THAT WAS STUPID AS FUCK AND THAT’S ME SAYING” Sieg: “But I have a wish I wanna save my friends in the middle of war” Astolfo: “oKAY COOL ME PROUD”

Shit the loony witch shows up

I made an entire post consisting of me contemplating the new op and ed bc it’s long and full of thought HAHA jk it’s shit

Hi kids welcome to the church in the fortress 2 weeks ago the cinnamon and the sinnamon met each other

Shirou: “We’re catholics, we should understand each other.” Jeanne: “Dude, just because I have the same religion as you, as 1.1 billion other people do btw, doesn’t mean I agree to everything you do, especially if it involves stealing most magical thing ever and smiling sinisterly.”

Wow Shirou raises his voice that’s 5* rarity

Shirou: “I didn’t have my master die in my arms, wait 60 years, and manage this dangerous team of nukes all by myself for being defied by a 16 yo rapunzel hourglass saberface”

Jeanne: “Goddamnit you’re a HEROic spirit be a HERO for once!” Shirou: “Nah, I’m outta the club I can do whatever I want.”

Semiramis: “Are you saying my master breaks the rule?” Jeanne: “Are you teasing me with that question or are you just deaf and stupid?”

Semiramis be like “What? You think me, a beautiful poisoner queen who murdered my husband slyly and got into his throne, as the one capable of corrupting an innocent-looking yu-gi-oh-haired young man like my master? I’m offended.”

Guys you’re late to Vlad’s funeral

Shirou: “It’s all peaceful, no fighting whatsoever with your masters.” The AKA team: “BULLSHIT.” Shirou: “But hey it was really no fighting!”

Get you a wife like Semiramis- No wait, don’t make her your wife just make her fall hard for you she wishes she was your wife

Karna’s level-headedness is truly something, I must say

Shirou: “Thank you very much” Karna: “Not now, bitch”

I still find it funny that Karna seems like the first one in AKA team to be fine with Shirou as his master but in the end he’s the only one who never accepts Shirou. My boy.

Shirou: “All of you, become my bitches now.”

Celenike have you learned nothing from Gordes’s experience?!

Wow scratching head until it bleeds is actually one of things I consider creepy and disturbing

But why does it sound like she’s breaking her skull instead of scratching and if she indeeds breaks her skull why is she alive?

You don’t wanna dirty your hands killing Sieg? Bitch you hold human entrails with the same hands might as well cut your hands right now

Astolfo: “There’s no point in me killing Sieg!” Celenike: “There is! I’m horny now!”

Too late, her brain moves to between her legs now.

Sieg’s fate is to be stomped by masters of Yggdmillenia

Grossest slasher movie idea: Celenike is jealous towards Sieg because Astolfo emotes so much around him instead of when she tortures Astolfo so she decides to stomp Sieg and force Astolfo to kill him while she gets hot watching it.

Wow that’s a very ugly face of dying. I’d make the same face as Sieg too.

I CAN HEAR THE CHEER OF PEOPLE FOR MORDRED AT THIS VERY MOMENT

It’s like Kairi and Mordred just drive around and happen to see the nasty quarrel and be like “well that’s one cockroach to kill” so they stop to behead Celenike and then goes off again.

I think servant disappearing into light is engineered to be as slow as it can to give them time to speak dramatic last words huh?

Astolfo: “I don’t wanna drag you into this war.” Sieg: “I already dove head-first to save my friends so technically I’m already in this war too”

HAHA WORLD RECORD OF SERVANT TRYING TO KILL THE MASTER Sieg you’re beginning to become a funny man

I don’t know if Achilles clicks his tongue because Chiron rejects Shirou’s offer to join red faction or Semiramis belittles Chiron but either way he really cares for his teacher :’))

Semiramis: “How about you remember you’re in my home?” Chiron: “How about you remember I can bomb your home?”

Remember 2 weeks ago when I said there are only two sane men on board? That’s excluding the attacked-by-headache red servants, but now you get why I say that.

Shirou: “Jeanne I don’t really wanna kill you actually” Jeanne: “Asshat your face looks like you really wanna kill me slowly”

Wow I don’t expect them to actually detail Karna’s gesture

Mordred, making the most grandiose entrance ever.

I was thinking, why would Mordred charge into an enemy fortress without her armor, like maybe she would but her master would not. So I just conclude maybe A-1 can’t afford to animate her armors ._.

Semiramis: “You wanna betray us?” Mordred: “You tried to betray us first!” Semiramis: “I will behead you, traitor!” Mordred: “First, it’s you it’s you who is the traitor here. Second I beheaded someone on the way and I’m not shy to do it again!!”

Mordred vs Semiramis is kinda like a battle between parent and child with lots of foul languages

Seriously Mordred is the hero of this episode and her trashtalking doesn’t disappoint at all

Like I said, I’m surprised Karna’s gesture is detailed because it’s clear he realizes first hand than Mordred is coming and actually wants her to clear the mess and help Jeanne and Chiron escape and he doesn’t do anything to stop them and he smiles in satisfaction when it’s all done. Like, my boy. My dear boy.

Semiramis: “You think you can do something? Everything you can do, I can do it too!” Avicebron: “Well I do battles too, unlike your shit caster” Shirou: “He’s got a point, hon.”

A saberface stood in the middle of dead people on a war. Great, wanna bet Fate/Extra will have umu do the same thing too?

The wish of salvation is never wrong. The method you try to achieve it, however, often falls into the nope scale.

Wow I also didn’t expect they would include the crushed homunculus in this scene too.

When even Fiore tells you to shut up then you need to evaluate your life

I wanna laugh because Sieg is nonchalantly running into the room like he’s late for class but can’t give a shit to the professor in front of him

Ah I see, A-1 make a huge change in this scene.

Gordes: “Y-YOU!” Sieg: “Surprises bitch I bet you thought you had seen the last of me”

People die when they are killed is so last year, Gordes.

Sieg: “Guess who just became a new master?” Black faction: “No way!” Sieg: “That’s right! It’s me!”

Caules close up is always welcome, babe.

Astolfo is also nonchalantly late into the class and only bothered about how to pose.

Leader!Homunculus: “You keep surprising us” Sieg: “I died twice already and the surprise will just keep on coming, mate.”

Nice speech Sieg!! Cementing the fact that he is the anti-thesis of Shirou and that he is the main protagonist, in case anybody forgets.

Also it kickstarts Fiore’s existential crisis but hey that’s for another episodes okay.

Caules did you just tell Gordes to count to ten??? You. You are fucking perfect my darling.

Chiron: “Master, Caster betrays us. And he’s going to get Roche.” Fiore: “Wait that’s too many news for 2 minutes.”

I guess no matter how much of a genius you are, if you’re young and a shut-in you will always remain naive.

Originally in the novel, if I am correct, this scene is where Gordes shitting around and treats Sieg as Siegfried. Astolfo full-on roasts Gordes and pours salt on his wounds, and also makes jabs about the stolen grail. Fiore is suspicious that Astolfo might be the one killing Celenike, which is actually normal thing to do, but he might or might not even notice that. Caules honestly agrees that the homunculi’s lifespan won’t allow them to do everything they want, which is cold, but in line with the fact that he’s, at his core, blunt. I guess A-1 decides to change it so that Sieg has time to deliver the speech?

Well it’s a shame Astolfo roasting is skipped tho. But I think I like the speech. If that’s how they try to make Sieg likable (I heard he’s not very likable back before this adaptation?), I think it works with me.

NEXT: Servanger 2.0

#random saying #fate/apocrypha #fate apocomment

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life-of-lizbet · 7 years ago

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NATTIES RECAP!

It’s been a week (and a day) since Nationals (or Natties) happened, so I’d better write up a recap now or else I’m just going to forget to and then forget what the hell even happened. So here it is!!!!

I was going to skip right to the results, then do a recap of what happened, but after thinking about it, it actually makes zero sense to do it that way. So I guess I’ll have to start at the beginning: Saturday morning, Lexington, Kentucky. (Apologies in advance if I repeat something that I had already said, I honestly can’t remember and I really don’t want to have to go through my previous posts to fish for information that I posted relation to Natties.)

We had at least 3 games scheduled for the day in pool-play fashion. There were 16 women’s teams and 16 men’s teams competing at D-III Natties in Lexington, Kentucky. From here on out, I’ll talk about the women’s division, but the same concepts can be applied to the men’s division.

There were 4 pools of 4 teams each. Each team had to play all 3 teams within its own pool. So we started out the day playing Carleton at 9am, meaning we had to get to the fields by 8am so we could warm up and whatnot. Carleton won the whole tournament last year, and they beat us during pre-quarters during Natties last year, so we wanted our revenge on them. Not that they were a bad team or anything, but we just really felt like we could win it all, and that involved beating them. Plot twist/spoiler alert: we didn’t win Nationals.

***just as I was finishing the sentence above, I could hear my phone buzzing on my desk. I thought “who the hell is calling me?” Turns out it was a friend staying on campus who needed a hug, so we ended up talking outside of 18 for approximately 1.5 hours. Thank god I decided to bring a sweatshirt. Let’s just say my legs were a wee bit chilly after standing out there from about 8:00-9:30pm***

So the game starts, and naturally we are off to a slow start, and before ya know it, Carleton is ahead 4-0. Evan is becoming pissed off, we’re all pissed off- we know that we are capable of beating them, and it was time to compete. I was subbed into the game a couple of times for a couple of points at a time. I can’t even remember exactly when I played during the game. All I know is Carleton was ahead 8-5 at halftime. (Just a side note about frisbee, you take halftime whenever either team reaches 1 more than half the points needed to win. Because games were until 15 points, halftime was to be taken at 8 points.) We were slowly crawling ourselves back into the game, and we were finally competing like the competitive team we are. Next thing you know, it’s tied at 10 points a piece and soft cap goes off.

Soft cap happens at a set time into the game. Soft cap for these games went off 70 minutes into the game. At that time, if neither team had reached 15 points yet, you take the higher of the two scores and add two points to it. The first team to this newly-adjusted score wins. You only have about 15-20 minutes (I can’t recall but that sounds about right) to reach the new score. Soft cap went off while we were tied 10-10, so the first team to 12 points wins. I honestly don’t recall which team scored the next point, but next thing ya know, it’s tied at 11 and hard cap has gone off. Hard cap basically means that the game is over, the last point you are playing is the last point. In frisbee, we call this last point to win it all, specifically when both teams are tied, universe point. We fought and struggled and managed to come back from both a 4-0 and 8-5 hole to tie it at 10 and then at 11, but alas, Carleton scored the last point and won the game 12-11.

Honestly, I was super proud of the fact that we fought hard against the 3rd seeded team at Nationals. (Meaning that they were ranked as the 3rd best team going in, whereas we were ranked as the 10th best team going into Nationals. At the same time rankings don’t matter because most of the teams at Nationals don’t end up playing eachother during the year so are the rankings even accurate? Probably not.) We fought until the end against a team that won Nationals last year. That’s pretty damn impressive if I do say so myself. We then had a bye, meaning that our next game wasn’t until 1pm, and it was only about 10:45am. So most of us went to the merchandise tent to buy some overpriced Natties gear. (I was going to buy a snapback to add to my collection but they only said D3 with a rose symbol on it. So I ended up buying a cool black tank top that had D-III College Championships written on it and it also said Louisville, Kentucky. I digress.)

Then came time to compete and win our next two games. At this point in time, because we had lost the first game, we were therefore unable to win our pool (meaning all three games), so we were going to have to play a 4th game (pre-quarters) immediately following our 3rd and final pool play game. The sun was out and it was hotter and more humid than hell, let me tell you. We were all absolutely roasting and we were all letting the sun get to us. We had taken many hand towels from the 2-star motel and drenched them in ice water to place on our neck/head between points, it was so hot. We let the 2nd team beat us, which was disappointing because we could have and should have won. But alas, we didn’t.

So we played our third game (I think it was against Lehigh?) and we won. So we ended up going 1-2 on the day in pool play, and while we awaited to see who we would play next in pre-quarters and on which field, Ysabel’s dad informed us that we were done for the day. We were all dazed and confused and puzzled. (I’m sure the heat also had something to do with our confusion.) He said that he went over to the board where all the scores were posted, and he talked with one of the people facilitating Natties. They said that because there was such a high chance of thunderstorms the following morning (Sunday), they had removed pre-quarters to enable us to get all of the games in. So instead of pre-quarters on Saturday afternoon and then quarters, semis, and finals on Sunday, they moved quarters up to Saturday afternoon. Because of this, although we had qualified for pre-quarters, but not quarters, we didn’t get into the Championship bracket. I’m assuming that if we had gone 2-1, and won two games instead of just one, we would have been placed into the Championship bracket. It’s because of this that we ended up in the Consolation bracket and were therefore unable to compete for actually winning Nationals. We were bummed to say the least.

Because of this, Evan said something to the extent of we could drink if we wanted to, but just make good choices. (My previous blog posts on “universe point and margaritas” and “I suck at blogging, but first let me explain...” go into detail about Saturday night and our adventure to a park. I advise reading those if you haven’t yet before going on.)

Flash-forward to Sunday morning. It’s 7am, and we are at the fields. They’re a bit wet because it’s kinda misting and it had rained the night before, but at least the fields were grass and not mud like last year. (THANK GOD.) We were playing Bowdoin first (they didn’t make it to the Championship braket?!). We love Bowdoin. We actually hated them two years ago, during my first year. But we’ve reconciled. Anywho, we fought hard against Bowdoin. Any other time that we’ve played them this year, we haven’t needed to win, so we didn’t try our hardest to win. But we put it all on the field, and they ended up on top. So for the final game of the day, and of Nationals, we played Georgia State College. Long story short (it’s not even that long of a story, tbh), they beat us when we should have won, and they somehow won Spirit Award when they had actually the worst spirit out of all the other teams we had played. Go figure.

So it was only about noon when we finished up, so we all headed our separate ways to get lunch, then my car went back to the 2-star motel to shower and change before one last team dinner. (The hardest part was finding a restaurant in Lexington, Kentucky that would be able to seat 21 players and parents. Yikes.) We finally found a craft beer/traditional pub style restaurant that had burgers, mac and cheese, wings, that kinda food. After we’d showered, I was actually exhausted. It honestly hit me like a brick wall. I ended up taking an hour long nap, give or take, until we had to leave to make it to the restaurant in time for our reservation.

(Apologies for how long this post is. I didn’t realize that I would ramble on this much, yikes.)

We sat at this wicked long table in the middle-ish of the restaurant. I ended up on one end near Ada, Sophey, Hyeji, and several first-years. I’m pretty sure all of us who were 21 or older ordered craft beers because why not? Before anyone knew it, Sophey was tipsy and it was my favorite thing.

After dinner, we all piled into the cars and went back to the AirBnB where we were all going to spend the night. (We had DD’s for all of the cars, so no need to worry about that.) Some people went out to a bar, but I passed because I remembered that I still had a small bottle of white wine that I had yet to start. Yikes. So Sophey and I got drinks at the grocery store for people going out because it was a Sunday and in the south, you can’t buy alcohol after a certain hour.

Once back at the AirBnB, I opened my bottle of white wine (yay for screw tops and not corkscrews!), grabbed a glass, and decided to watch Evan and 3 of my teammates play Spades. I had no idea how the hell to play, so I just watched. The more I drank, the more the rules began to click until suddenly I realized how exactly you can win. Go figure. Also, I tend to get quite giggly and overly-talkative the more I drink. Apparently I’m Rebecca’s favorite drunk person? To be fair, she wasn’t at High Tide/spring break, so she missed my drunken shenanigans there.

We decided to switch up the games and play BS instead because you can only play Spades with 4 players, but with BS you can play with as many as you have. So to make things interesting, we added a deck of cards, so now there were like 6 (I honestly couldn’t tell you how many of us were playing BS) of us playing. The extra deck added extra insanity and unnecessary chaos, because now instead of saying that you have 4 kings, for instance, you could actually claim that you had 6 kings, because you might have actually had 6 kings. (This happened to Moon at one point during the game.)

After a fun and loud game of BS, the people who had gone out to the bars came back. We decided to play a game of “Cheers to the Mayor!” I’m kinda sure that’s what this is called, but I couldn’t tell ya. Basically, the game starts with 2 rules. You go around in a circle and state the next number, counting to 21. Once you reach 21, everyone says “Cheers to Marty Walsh!” the mayor of Boston. (I couldn’t tell ya why we were cheering to him, but alas.) The two rules are as follows: instead of saying 7 you say 14, and instead of saying 14, you say 7. So it goes something like this: 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6.. 14... 8... Whenever someone screws up, they take a drink and you start over again at 1. When you reach 21, the person who said 21 has to create a new rule. I’d like to say that I hate whoever came up with one of the first rules, which was you must do the hokey pokey instead of saying number 2. I lost track of how many times I had to do the hokey pokey while sitting down while mildly drunk. What a struggle. Other rules that have been created in the past: reverse direction on a number, oink instead of say the number, say your phone number instead of that number, clap instead of saying the number, repeat the previous number, etc.

Before I knew it, I was almost done with my small bottle of wine. Oops. At some point after giving up on Cheers to the Mayor! (we kept having to start over because there were so many rules and everyone was not paying attention, partially due to the fact that they were all intoxicated), we had a brief dance-party. Katherine used the laptop that was hooked up to the tv to play “I Wanna Dance with Somebody” by Whitney Houston, and next thing you know, there are a dozen of us dancing in the living room while singing along to the song. What a time.

We played some more card games, I finished my bottle of wine (mistake), didn’t drink enough water, but realized at midnight I should probably get some sleep because we were going the trip from Lexington, Kentucky to New England in one day (another mistake).

I fell asleep on the floor with a couple of pillows, woke up the next morning at like 7:30, went downstairs and into the kitchen where I ran into Rebecca. She made a comment above my being alive or not, and I said I was alive. But man, was I hungover. (I didn’t realize just how hungover I was until about 2 in the afternoon when we stopped for lunch at Panera Bread and I was suddenly no longer hungover. My GOD.) We left just before 9am, went to the nearest Starbucks, got breakfast and some got coffee, then we were on the road. Abby had me take over driving around 11:30 am, and let me tell you, driving while hungover is one of the worst things. I managed though, thanks to sing-a-longs in the car and a killer Spotify playlist from both Abby and Katherine.

I guess I’ll wrap it up with a couple of words about our trip back from Lexington, Kentucky. Pennsylvania is a MASSIVE state. It’s just huge. We were in Pennsylvania from about 3pm until just after 10pm. Granted, we did stop a couple of times for gas and for dinner. But still. While we were at dinner, around 7:30pm, still in Pennsylvania, I realized we should not finish the trip back to Maine/NH that night. It was already getting late and we had been on the road for many hours. So we decided to stop at Katherine’s in Cambridge and crash there for the night, finishing the trip back to NH and Maine Tuesday morning sometime. We dropped off Hyeji at MoHo at approximately 1am. At this time we were all going crazy. We arrived at Katherine’s in Cambridge at 2:30 in the morning. Oh. My GOD! I was going crazy tbh. Anyways, Abby had a problem with her leg that was only getting worse because we’d been driving literally all day and night. So at 7am we woke up, and by 7:30am we were on the road to Maine so she could see a doctor to check it out. She’s fine now. I crashed on Abby’s bed for several hours while I waited for my dad to pick me up when he got out of work, and finally, around 5 or 6pm on Tuesday, I was home. For literally 4 full days before coming to MoHo to begin my internship. Such is life.

Tomorrow I have my first meeting with Kate and Todd the postdoc and the other student I will be working with this summer about general summer plans/what to expect/whatnot. Then Wednesday we’re going to the cranberry bog! Just for a day though, so I will have to wait to experience the guest house which has a squash court? I’ll keep y’all posted on a more regular basis so my blog posts aren’t the length of novellas or something.

#nationals #d3 nationals #natties #bottle of wine

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olwog · 7 years ago

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Kildale to Saltburn

So Facepeeps, We’re back at Kildale with every intention of walking to Saltburn. We’ll be meeting a slow worm that I think is a snake and a bit of interesting stuff about Saltburn. The route includes a visit to Captain Cook and a great view of Roseberry from the east whereas most road views are from the other points of the compass but usually include a westerly component.

We’ve done this route before but usually in two outings. It’s bit of a haul to start with a 500 foot ascent in about a mile (160m in less than 2km). The day is beautiful with wall to wall blue skies and the odd fluffy cumulus to represent traditional summer. The early part of the track is, in fact, a road. It winds its way up the rear of Captain Cook so to speak and approaches the monument from the east through Mill Bank Wood. I need a couple of stops on this one to catch my breath but regain some of my stamina as the track levels out and I find the final steps rather easier than the initial haul.

The monument to Captain Cook is not a statue, it’s not a statue. It is quite impressive and the views are quite spectacular. The easier approach is from the North and there is a car park at the bottom on Dykes Lane. I would encourage you to take a walk from here, you’ll not be disappointed and it’s not difficult.

We all know what we’re taught at school about Captain James Cook from Marton who sailed from Whitby and the plaque has the following inscription:

***In memory of the celebrated circumnavigator Captain James Cook F.R.S. A man of nautical knowledge inferior to none, in zeal prudence and energy, superior to most. Regardless of danger he opened an intercourse with the Friendly Isles and other parts of the Southern Hemisphere. He was born at Marton Oct. 27th 1728 and massacred at Owythee Feb. 14th 1779 to the inexpressible grief of his countrymen. While the art of navigation shall be cultivated among men, whilst the spirit of enterprise, commerce and philanthropy shall animate the sons of Britain, while it shall be deemed the honour of a Christian Nation to spread civilisation and the blessings of the Christian faith among pagan and savage tribes, so long will the name of Captain Cook stand out amongst the most celebrated and most admired benefactors of the human race.***

There may be island people of the southern hemisphere who have different views but his achievements are self-evident, not sure about beating the shit out of people that didn’t share his beliefs or the ‘inexpressible grief of his countrymen’ though.

Off we go again, this time down the path that you will ascend should you take my advice regarding the walk from the car park. Roseberry is in the distance in true Matterhorn profile and illustrates why it’s called the Yorkshire Matterhorn.

To our left is Ayton Banks Mines which has been disused since 1929 and quite badly flooded now but still sending out ore stained water from its drainage levels. After a long descent and swift ascent, we’re on Great Ayton Moor and follow the dry stone wall that guides us to the dog-leg right angled corner with Roseberry on our left and the open moor which is our new direction on our right.

If you walk this route be careful at this point; the Cleveland Way is really well signposted and you will only need a map should you get lost but there are two or three places of slight ambiguity and this is one of them. The easy way to indicate the right route is to identify the wrong one so here goes. The wrong route is along the dry stone wall, you need to take the track across the moor.

We travers Newton Moor, Hutton Moor and Black Nab, Hutton Village is on our left and Guisborough beyond that. We also get our first view of the sea complete with windmills and estuary.

The track becomes Forestry Commission access road and clings to the ridge occasionally through woods and then with huge views towards Eston Nab, Eston Moor and Wilton Wood.

As we emerge from Guisborough Wood Louise shouts a warning to watch our feet and I look down to see what I think is a grass snake. It’s about 12 to 15 inches (300mm) long and when it sees us it freezes for a few seconds during which time we’re all trying to get photographs of it. Louise identifies it as a slow worm and promptly tells us the difference between that and a smooth snake. We’re just thrilled and excited at such a find. After a few more seconds it winds its way into the grass and clover disappearing almost immediately as its camouflage takes effect at the path edge.

We’re making our way through more woods towards the edge of Charltons when we see another slow worm; I’m 66 now and never seen one in my life, now I’ve seen two in 10 minutes.

It’s time for lunch so we select a lovely dappled glade with a handy pile of tree trunks set in such a way that they make ideal seats and we slip out of our boots to let our feet breath.

The glade is idyllic, it shades us from the sun which can be seen lighting up the dust and pollen in artistic rays that shine through the cover of leaves still growing stronger in the late spring. The branches, twigs and leaves kill the breeze to gentle wafts that induce beautiful smells of earth, ferns and garlic. It’s a great place to eat!

As we finish our lunch we readjust clothing and boots for the next ascent which is a bit of challenge around an old quarry just the other side of the road into Charltons. I stop several times on this stretch and I know that the others needed a break too. It’s also an ideal opportunity to take in the surrounding and we all make a few photographs on the way up.

At the top we walk adjacent to a corn field but then we’re delighted by a proper meadow of buttercups, proper grass and clover just about to flower. This triggers memories of childhood, playing cowboys and indians in the meadows around Castle Hills where I grew up. Between the first day and last days of our holidays we’d be encouraged to be out. Being back for meals on time was a must and we all had the same bed time so being back before the watershed, usually 7 o’clock, was not negotiable and because it applied to all of us there was no reason not to be home. During the intervening times we would run, walk, crawl and wriggle our way through the meadows like this one but the grass seemed to be much longer and in those days it probably was. The grass is cut sooner these days for silage, 50 or 60 years ago it was left for cutting as hay so it was left another month or so. If this is a child’s view looked at through mists of time then please put me right it’s just a memory now.

What I do remember was the fact that we rarely wore more than pants and baseball boots, that would be our uniform for the summer. If there was a cooler day then we might have a ’T’ shirt but I don’t remember much of that. If we weren’t playing cowboys and indians it would be hide and seek or swinging over the beck on a rope (described in another post). Occasionally we’d borrow some potatoes from a farmers field, light a fire and roast them. I can almost taste the carbon of the burnt skin as I think these things as we climb a shallow ascent towards Airy Hill Lane leading to Skelton.

Walking through Skelton we meet Peter Appleton, Chairman of the Local History Society and he tells us a little bit about the area as we walk. Every time we walk this area we meet friendly folk who are enthusiastic to share their knowledge, help us on our way or give advice on the bus we need. East Cleveland People, you’re great.

On the final leg now and we enter the Valley Gardens of Saltburn. This is a great place in its own right. It’s rammed with trees of every type and you get to see some lovely waterfalls, a great bridge over the river and a majestic viaduct with eleven arches, now a listed building.

We’ve been under the viaduct many times on different walks and it still has the same impression; it’s magnificent.

We emerge from the Valley Gardens rather unexpectedly at the top and assume that the Cleveland Way is also meant to inject some money into the areas that it visits and the town centre would seem appropriate. Saltburn-by-the-Sea is a Quaker town perhaps not founded by the Pease family but certainly developed by them. In 1856, the hamlet consisted of the Ship Inn and a row of houses, occupied by farmers and fishermen. As it was developed by the Quakers there was a reluctance to add public houses so the only way to access alcohol was via the hotels and private clubs. Believe it or not, the first new public house The Victoria, was built was in 1982.

Apparently, the reason for developing this smugglers town in the first place was on the back of this vision…

“In 1858, while walking along the coast path towards Old Saltburn to visit his brother Joseph in Marske, Henry Pease saw a prophetic vision of a town arising on the cliff and the quiet, unfrequented and sheltered glen turned into a lovely garden.”

…yeah, so what did they say about public houses?

We arrive near the top of the lift and George Preston is there to take us back to Kildale for our vehicles. George is a star and has already supported us on the Clay Bank sector. Thanks George, your help is much appreciated. We do make sure he’s well ‘fish n chipped’ before we leave!

This sector is quite long and has its fair share of ‘ups’. George returns Peter and I to Kildale for our cars and I make a B-line for Scaling Dam and some wonderful friends of the Pilgrim who are putting us up for the night on their farm.

Barbara and Andy are wonderful hosts and show us around the farm with all the modern techniques interspersed with traditional methods, it’s fascinating. A couple of beers and wine later with excellent conversation, we’re then ‘lasagned’ with pasta and ready for bed and the new day.

A great but exhausting day.

Enjoy the snaps…G..x

Feel free to share but written permission must be obtained for commercial use.

Cleveland Way – Kildale to Saltburn Kildale to Saltburn So Facepeeps, We’re back at Kildale with every intention of walking to Saltburn. We’ll be meeting a slow worm that I think is a snake and a bit of interesting stuff about Saltburn.

#Cleveland Way #Kildale #Landscapes #North Yorkshire Moors #Photographs #Photos #Pictures #Saltburn #Walking #Walks #Yorkshire #Yorkshire Moors

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