#also this is to let u know im still trying 2 b active lol

[lady-caden]

i think i’m in the process of making a new friend and i’m so excited about it ! <3

[normal-thoughts-official]

Also I just want to say thanks for existing ❤️❤️ I love ur blogs and ur takes theyre amazing, I never was properly involved with 5he shadowhunters fandom when it was running bc A. I saw a clalec shipper and ran for the hills(What was that horrific thing) and B. The show is objectively terrible, I really love the fact that you say everything you want to say taking no prisoners!!! Sparing no fragile feelings!!! And I wanna say that I'm so sorry that you have to deal with so many insensitive asshole anons giving you shit

I'm gonna be honest that while I love them both equally, alec was the one I resonated with the most as a lesbian (magnus was the one I fancied ahahah) but I hadn't realised properly how centred Alec was in fandom spaces. Its almost like the ranking of favourite characters goes 1. Alec 2.malec and 3. Magnus, in how Magnus' emotions and boundaries are secondary to the maintaining of alecs relationship with him

I'd seen wisps of something similar in the marvel fandom but hadn't carried over how fans can ununtentially use characters of colour as mere rungs on the ladder to their success, even and especially within the relationship. I don't see this much with sambucky but back when SamSteve was popular Sam was often reduced to Steve's pet therapist who has no aspirations in life other than being Steve's boyfriend.

This is fan behaviour but just wanna say don't let the bastards get u down honey!! ❤️❤️❤️

P. S do clalec shippers still exist??? Please say no

dauihdsiauhd thank u, ur sweet

ur totally right about magnus being below malec on the favorite characters scale, wow. like it's obvious that he doesn't exist outside of malec for these people and so malec becomes this sort of third character and magnus as a person is way wayy down below

but also since u mentioned that u like how i speak my mind xD ur comment about how u relate more to alec because he's gay bothers me a little bit cuz i feel like it implies that being bi is somehow less queer or less relatable and that's... biphobic rethoric djahisudhah like idk maybe u mean that u relate more to his story or whatever but i kind of read it like "i have more solidarity with gay men than bi ppl" and as a bi person that doesn't sit well with me so yeah i'd maybe think about why that might be if that's how u genuinely feel

(PS: if you - and by you i don't mean you, residenthottiesamwilson, just anyone reading this - think that biphobia isn't real just go ahead and unfollow me, cuz if u try to come to my inbox and start shit over it i will block u so just save us both the trouble tbh. we live in a world where every single study around the whole wide world consistently shows that bi ppl face enough discrimination to lower their life expectancy, rise their likelihood to be sexually assaulted, be poorer, and just generally have a way worse quality of life than both straight and gay ppl, so arguing that biphobia doesn't exist is just trying to make ur wishes come true at this point. and i'm seriously not in the mood today or ever to try to prove that 2+2=4)

anyway... to be clear i'm not mad at you and/or calling u a monster, just pointing that out cuz it would bother me if i didn't, and trying to avoid turning this into a biphobia fest in my inbox

moving on! doaijdsoiaj

i can't talk about sambucky and samsteve cuz i haven't actually been involved with the marvel fandom for years now, so i haven't read a lot of fic, and even now the very few tfatws blogs that i follow are all sam-centric cuz im trying to avoid stressing myself with Even More Fandom Buffonery lol, but my educated guess would be that every fandom with an interracial ship is going to have racist tropes, especially because Bucky Stans™ as a group are some of the most racist fandoms ive ever seen. it's actually one of the things that turned me off the MCU fandom, because bucky actually was and is one of my faves, but boiiiiiiiiii

i think most clalec shippers left the fandom long ago (they were never a big group anyway, but you know, at this point they haven't had reason to be active anymore, since most of their thing was to harrass malec shippers and yell about how clalec would prevail, and that fight is already over and done with lol)

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

Debuff Zane Build

i am tired of not seeing this build in all the zane build videos i watch so im sharing it here because its stupid fun bc u run fast and kill faster. it’s not meta, but its fun as fuck and u have a lot of damage and survivability with it. I’ve completed M4 Slaughter Shaft with it- haven’t tried on M10 yet but i have faith. p.s its 4 am pls have mercy if there’s spelling mistakes.

what ur gonna need is a band of sitorak, zheitseiv’s eruption, a seein’ dead, and the piss grenade. everything else is fair game, whatever u want. try to get it to have the sntl cryo anoint bc good. but u must have the 4 main items for this to work perfectly (it also somewhat works with a low level Frozen Heart bc best shield in the game but you will die a lot more)

also i need a fucking name for this build help

oh god oh fuck i forgot i was playing through the handsome jackpot dlc again

oki im ready to party

this is my current loadout

sometimes i switch the reg Q-System for a kaoson or a nighthawkin if i need ammo (OP QSystem is... OP but not as fun as a tracking grenade QSystem so i don’t care for it) and maybe the brainstormer for a reflux if many shielded enemies (i prefer the brainstormer over the reflux atm. so try for a brainstormer!!)

3rd slot, that’s a monarch which used to be a dictator b4 it got a straight upgrade. I actually don’t use the bipod unless im in a boss fight and don’t need to move fast. usually violent momentum and violent violence cover the dps loss

ur first 3 gun slots honestly don’t matter much. I have my reasons for using them, but you can use whatever u want i think, so long as its a strong weapon (bc unfortunately a lot of weapons are not scaled for m10). u dont HAVE to use the monarch or the Q system or the brainstormer. I recommend them, cuz theyre fun, but u don’t gotta if u wanna swap em out for a a kaoson or a yellowcake or a sandhawk or smth

the last gun is my zheitsev’s eruption. This bad boy, when u reload, shoots out homing balls of debuffery. So every enemy that gets hit with these gets a debuff. I have tried this with the needler but I prefer Zheitsev’s bc it can hit more enemies and once and takes less time. this gun only goes to Blane (ur clone). 

for the skill trees we have no points in under cover even tho brainfreeze is the best skill in the gaaaaame

explanations: 

really the hitman tree is p self explanatory, u wanna go fast as fuck boiii. My band of sitorak does not have the +15 movespeed while zoomer is active anoint (it has the break shield amp anoint, which is p okay. want movespeed, but a nice human from the reddit gave me this sitorak so i didn’t have to farm). u want drone delivery bc Blane will NOT be throwing grenades. If you try to make him throw grenades with the seein’ dead he will ONLY throw grenades and never fire his gun, meaning he’ll never reload. it’s a nightmare. anyway. u want the piss grenade (ideally with the +25% damage on thrown anoint). im not looking forward to regrinding this when they finally mayhem buff grenades.

we put one point into playing dirty because we want those extra shots and honestly with the amount of times seein’ dead can proc ur kill skills you’ll have it more often than not

we also have points in good misfortune for that sweet sweet uptime (which btw can be infinite using the brainstormer/reflux bc it is essentially a redistributor without the need for ur barrier) the monarch/dictator also does it justice

for Blane u DON’T WANT praemuntis. we want blane reloading as often as gotdamn possible. now unfortunately my seein’ dead gave me a +weapon mag size roll (im actually not sure if this affects blane, but im assuming it does) but it does have the amazing +5 donnybrook so I’m taking it anyway. I am so not looking forward to regrinding a good class mod when they finally release action skill buffs for them. i cri. i actually hear 3 points in donnybrook and 2 in violent violence is p good (or 1 in violent violence 1 in playin dirty) so maybe grinding won’t be so bad. maybe i’ll finally get a +weapon damage roll

u can grab 1 point in ducttape mod and put 4 points into borrowed time if you want. it doesn’t really matter. i current have 5 in borrowed time and 3 in pocket full of grenades (for some reason??? usually i only put 2 in.). U can do that and use those extra points for either ducttape mod or more points in playing dirty. 

u NEED quick breather. This skill has a STUPID interaction with the band of sitorak shield because of how quickly it recharges. I’m talking, the instant you swap with Blane, you have full shields and so does he. It’s dumb, I love it. Use it to get out of trouble.

so im probably gonna need to explain why i have 3 points in trick of the light: im a cryo slut. That’s it. put those wherever you want, just make sure you can get Double Barrel. i’ve seen builds where people actually go for brainfreeze, i might try that next time i respec.

Double barrel will make it so blane can use the zheitsev’s eruption and debuff your enemies for you. it’s worth it.

so the augments u want are these:

SCHADENFREUDE. because band of sitorak has such a tiny capacity, ur shield is constantly up. If its not, it’s constantly breaking from full capacity. this does have a fun effect with the amp shield break anoint, but mainly i like it for the 25% damage buff whenever it breaks. its a tradeoff for damage, ur constantly swapping between max shields and more damage, so its actually p constant survivability and damage over the long run.

i grab doppelbanger bc blane sometimes gets stuck in the floor and/or i don’t feel like running all the way back. i wouldn’t recommend getting which one’s real or digital distribution only bc u want him alive as much as possible. u can also get binary system instead of doppelbanger, its up to you

for Zoomer u want bad dose for the movement speed and (sometimes) static field (only if the enemies have shields). this is so if blane goes down or he isn’t taking damage, zoomer can refill ur shields. if the enemies won’t have shields usually i grab winter’s drone or boomsday depending on how i feel.

im actually gonna try to see if i can’t grab brain freeze. hang on. i know trick of the light is frowned upon for most people so lemme just respec. (im sorry i just love the vibes it gives me it’s like HAHA you thought that was me? no!!! boop. and then they’re ice sculptures and man i love h2o i wish emma had frozen more people the only people she really freezes are Greg and Miriam and honestly she doesn’t even kill Greg smh. (Greg is dr denman’s assistant. greg is highkey god.) I do like what she did to Mirami, the fucking implications that YES these teenage girls ARE powerful enough to instakill people, they just don’t out of the kindness of their hearts. Rikki was badass that episode too. actually i love the episode where rikki almost boils a dude alive for making a fool of her with ILLEGAL F I S H and burns people using steam from a pipe. rikki is my favorite mermaid- she knew what was u p. I wish mako mermaids was as badass as h2o was. and the cartoon. god imagine the cartoon violence. sigh. let them use their op superpowers to be SUPERHEROES. like in h2o au i have baron flynt puppeteer people to their deaths from Thor bc he has cleo’s powers like why couldn’t she do that to someone. Like dr denman “lmao bye bitch” or even charlotte (who imho wasn’t bad until cleo started being rude to her. cleo was 100% at fault that season). it wouldn’t have killed her!!! ... instantly. probably. ive never seen avatar in full but i did watch the blood bending episode as a child and as i understand it that’s frowned upon but hey. CAN BELLA TURN PEOPLE INTO JELLY?? harry potter 🅱oneless arms... my god.)

anyway, respeccing. 

there goes all my money. rip.

so i think im gonna have to live with the slower reload speed (sob) but yes u can in fact get brain freeze with this build. lemme show...

so ye in the event u just can’t live without freezing people (i know the feeling) feel free to do this. imma play with this for a bit and see if i can live with slower reload. I actually depend on the 100% cryo with zoomer active for all my cryo damage. i also use an ice breaker so they freeze fairly easy (but only on mobs. on bosses u want the snowdrift or something else)

this build isn’t really meta and u might have trouble doing a solo run of true takedown on m10... bc its true takedown on m10, but honestly it’s fun as F U C K. you CAN do it, but it’s not no thoughts head empty like barrier-redistrubutor/yellowcake zane can be so u gotta be on TOP of ur SHIT. i love it. running around killing stuff. it’s fun. i also love teleporting. it’s my FAVORITE THING. I STILL GET GIDDY OVER IT BECAUSE IT’S SO FUN. ask my friends, they will tell you, sometimes i’ll just start gushing over how much fun it is to teleport even though i’ve played zane since release. just. GFDGHKJGDFK so much fun. i just... b o o p. god i love this game. i took a break to play assassin’s creed odyssey (fun sneaky beaky game, pretty awful dialogue) so DAMN i missed this. 

here’s a link to a video I took on athenas (my favorite area to run. it’s this game’s bloodshot stronghold!) this is the playlist i listen to while playing Zane. i keep swapping songs during play bc sometimes they don’t fit my vibe or i get tired of them lol (spotify control is hooked to my 4th and 5th mouse buttons so i don’t have to stop playing) i forgot where my shock sandhawk was in my inventory, is what i use to demolish traunt. i was so scared i threw it in my bank earlier on sanc-iii lol (also yes i still slap blane’s ass. it’s to encourage him to kill)

and here’s a link to the save + everything I had on me at the moment (including the stuff i picked up in the vid in case u want it lol) cuz im lazy and don’t feel like clearing out my inventory. some of these are only m4-9. which ones? it is a mystery. you’ll know when the new update releases ;) (no but actually im so hype for mayhem level on the item cards. finally. FINALLY!!!)

why is this video taking so long to upload. hynnnggggg

oh god is that the sun

[violentviolette]

So I was on your fandom blog and I saw that you believe Bakugou (at least in assuming) to have ASPD. Is wondering if you could expand on that? I personally see him as NPD but I'd love to hear your side of things

first off anon bless u for being on my fandom blog that takes courage cause it’s a wicked hot mess over there lol and secondly to everyone else yes im about to spend an embarrassing amount of effort overanalyzing an anime man, no u shouldn’t apply this logic to diagnosing real people u don’t know or urself, no its not that deep but yes u can fuck right off if u wanna cry about me headcanoning ur favs with “shitty” illnesses. eat my dick.

But now down to the good shit! So I actually think bakugou has comorbid aspd/npd. But for this since u said u already see him as having npd I’ll just focus on the aspd criteria but im totally down to talk more about npd as well if u wanna. (the rest is under a cut because frankly mobile users would have drawn and quartered me otherwise)

So first im gonna go thru the dsm v criteria that are required for diagnosis that bakugou fits/exhibits (leaving out the few things that don’t pertain to him just for length and also because not every person has to fit every single criteria to qualify)

1. Significant impairments in personality as manifested by

a. identity (self esteem derived from power, pleasure, or personal gain), self direction (goal setting based on personal gratification, absence of prosocial standards and culturally normal ethical behavior)

katsukis entire sense of self is built upon his ability to “win” and to always be number one and come out on top. He absolutely cant stand to be viewed as less than that because if so, his entire sense of self begins to crumble. Part of the reason he’s so antagonistic towards Izuku in the early chapters is the fact that Izuku challenges that identity. He (unintentionally and intentionally) challenges katsuki and wont give way to him (which is the right thing to do, but we see how “well” katsuki handles that). He also doesn’t have a good sense of “prosocial standards.” katsuki has created his own internal sense of morals and values, he’s decided whats worth his time and effort based on his own opinions and not on what society deems worthwhile behavior. He’s constantly getting admonished that his attitude “isn’t that of a hero” because his values are different than the ones of the society around him. But he doesn’t care, as long as he “wins” then everythings good. And its not until he stops “winning” and his behavior begins to get in the way of his goals does he begin to realize that he has a problem.

b. impairments in interpersonal functioning as manifested by lack of empathy (lack of concern for feelings, needs, or suffering of others) and lack of intimacy (incapacity for mutually intimate relationships, use of dominance or intimidation to control others)

I could frankly write a whole essay about just this bit alone but I’ll try to condense my thoughts. So. Lets talk about katsukis lack of empathy. This boy wouldn’t know another person’s emotions if they walked up and punched him in the face. Which they do. On multiple occasions. But I digress. Katsuki is known for his shitty bedside manner, his lack of concern for the feelings of others is literally what cost him his provisional license, but aside from with Izuku (who we’ve established is a source of Baggage for katsuki and shouldn’t be counted among his normal behavior because at the start of the series they BOTH bring out the worst in one another and overcoming that is part of both of their character arcs and growth and a main theme of the damn story. Win and save. Save and win. Ahem. But again I digress) katsuki isn’t vindictive or cruel in an unnecessary way about other peoples emotions. He doesn’t use them against people, it just doesn’t occur to him that they exist. But as we see katsuki grow and begin to try and change his unhealthy behavior, we see that he’s not oblivious of others emotions in the same way todoroki is (who I headcanon as autistic along with izuku (who also has adhd), but that’s a whole nother post lol), he just doesn’t know what to do with them. He can handle things like kirishima feeling insecure, because he can logically talk to him about how strong he is to encourage and support him, but really struggles with more intimate and open forms of emotional support, like with Izuku.

He also struggles with forming prosocial bonds and friends. At the start of the series katsuki doesn’t have friends, he has lackeys he controls with intimidation and fear because he doesn’t know any other way to be. He has trust and intimacy issues and doesn’t like people getting too close to him because he feels displays of vulnerability are what makes someone weak (see those asocial morals and values we talked about earlier). After his time at UA, a few large helpings of some humble pie, and the diligent and hard work of a small group of fearless idiots (aka kaminari whose literally too prosocial for his own good and has zero self preservation instincts, and kirishima who has an endless supply of patience and understands empathy and other peoples emotions to a degree that’s baffling to me) he is able to start deconstructing that idea and realizing that u can be vulnerable and let people close to u and still be strong. That the mortifying ordeal of being known isn’t actually the worst things ever. Also that when confronted with people who aren’t actually afraid of him, he doesn’t know how else to deter them from getting close to him. The fact that none of the other kids in 1-A take katsukis shit and even go so far as to pick on him and mock him and call him out on his bullshit is a MAJOR turning point for his socialization skills.

2. pathological personality traits in the following catagories

a. antagonism, characterized by hostility (persistent and frequent angry feelings, anger or irritability in response to minor slights or insults, nasty mean vengeful behavior), callousness (lack of concern for the feelings and problems of others)

I mean. Do I even have to expand on this point? I feel like no

b. disinhibition, characterized by impulsivity (acting on the spur of the moment in response to immediate stimuli, acting without a plan or consideration for outcomes, difficulty establishing and following plans), risk taking (lack of concern for ones limitations and denial of the reality of personal danger, engaging in potentially risky and self-damaging activities without regard for consequences)

this is a criteria where u have to adjust for the world these characters are living in. but even then, by hero standards, katsuki is still impulsive. His teachers are constantly admonishing him in the early series for charging headfirst into a situation, loosing himself to his emotions and anger, and letting things get the better of him because hes not taking the time to properly assess the situation, this also bleeds into katsukis inability to work with others or ask for help. He charges headfirst into a situation by himself, blows up anything in his way, and then asks questions later. His teammates are often left totally in the dark to his plans, motives, or other moves and have to just play catch up to him the entire time. In the deku vs. kacchan 1 fight we see this behavior come out in full force. He has no plan, he blows up half the building with zero regard for their goals, and leaves iida completely in the dark. Momo pointing this all out and dragging him for filth during the recap is another wakeup moment for him, having to confront the realities of his impulsive and negative behavior whereas before he was only praised for it.

so if we take a look at even just that, which is still about ¾ of the diagnostic criteria, I think u can see where this really starts to explain his personality. Katsuki is hot headed, angry, impulsive, stubborn, selfish, he gets in his own way more often than not, he struggles with prosocial behavior, making friends, and relating emotionally to others. He has a hard time comforting people and usually does so in a blunt and logical way, he isn’t great at sympathy and being soft, kind, or gentle with other people. It takes a considerable amount of effort for him to realize where his world view and his morals and goals are warped and doing him more harm than good, and he absolutely cant stand to be vulnerable or honest about his feelings with others. 

All those things, imo, as someone with aspd & npd, are what make me feel like hes a good character representation of what the complexities of living with these disorders is like. Katsuki isn’t inherently a bad person, and as we see him grow and change, we see the ways in which hes becoming better, but its still hard for him. And despite what a lot of fandom thinks, if u look at the canon, the main person katsuki hurts with his behavior is himself. And I think that’s really important because people with aspd & npd are so often catagorized as abusive villians whose only goal in life is to hurt others. Whereas with katsuki we see where these things and this kind of thinking gets in the way of his goals and ultimately hurts him. and thats what I think makes him the most relatable and makes his growth all the much more satisfying. Katsuki is both fundamentally the same and an entirely different person from when we first meet him. his personality didn’t magically completely change, hes not just a tsundere whose suddenly all mushy feely and hyper empathetic, he’s just learning how to deal with his emotions and the world and getting better at being a healthy person.

So yea, those are my thoughts! There was apparently a whole 1600 words of them so my apologies for writing u a literal dissertation on this lol I just really love this fucking character

[t-underneaththeradardancing]

maybe a blessing - certainly a lesson 

not that imma trynna tell my wife either - im not that psyko - fux 

i love music thank gawdess 4 ojays today - i couldnt get my 2 brain cells too cooperate not feelin too swift and tired af from doing little otherwise known as fuck all - napped a bit - another lesson in being powerless - like lemon aid if u get the drift and more spiritual claptrap 

w the virus we dial back the baking and i need to trance out more -still not quite - over - the watever - it is imma having - still mild ish - not surprised and yah imma b careful - i spend much of my day - resting - tv on to something mindless - i mean if there was any evidence in roswell - unfound 80 fukken yr later - but yah i watch lol - i like egyptology also in my free time - actually a couple weeks ago i watch the 3rd remake of Shaft w samuel action jackson - actually i think that wuz a blaxploitation hero also - 2 hours of brutal killing then revenge n word b word homophobia - yah tongue in cheek some and over the top but fuck - but one morning it kept my mind off enough to get some rest and fall asleep 

my wife dont want consoling - now - except when she starts crying - wtf can i say - i let her know we b ok - but she kinda knew that tho recent uh has her maybe worried - she got close to her team - it took a while to build one - and she loves the work even simple common accident law - she likes trying to get a just outcome - that ppl sue each other instead of say shooting each other i think that is a good thing - oh yah i forget - not everybody knows me - my wife is an attorney

in other news - i cant see my best friend and business partner on her birthday - its ok - we saw each other w a lotta distance yesterday - she kept word to her father - did not come inside my house - tho he kinda means dont go anywhere near - i mean not even the neighborhood - we played together a little  - enuff 

so im here even less a little 

the kitty is an angel - she dont understand it - all - she knows there is sadness 

ppl that know me - there i goes again but there are more than a few that dont know- that i been here b4 - market meltdown and some society - mid morning morning fone call - fired- no good reason 

had no real $ cushion at the time - was supporting 3 households largely w 3 different insane expensive sf bay area rents 

junger then but no job prospect - starting to age t was indeed  - i was still kinda active trading - when i had to - heart hadnt been it for a while 

most important job today and next few - simple - dont b a dick t - just dont 

later

love

[kpop-rambles]

Goodbye 2019. Hello 2020.

To celebrate the new year - which a lot of people are celebrating right now, I’m sure, unfortunately not me yet - I decided to create this post. I don’t know how to explain it but if you like kpop, keep reading!

My Top 3 Songs of 2019

1. SKZ - Miroh

This song got me into my now ult group, Stray Kids. Those 9 boys have honestly made this year 10x better for me. Chan’s VLives definitely helped me when I was upset, and the members made me feel emotions by their side. I’m so glad that add of Miroh appeared and I chose to watch it because I may have not gotten into Stray Kids without it. 

2. ATEEZ - Wave

Again, another song that got me into the group. I heard the song in a video where they played huge jenga at Kcon... I think? Anyways, this song is another banger and you completely fall in love with it first listen. You won’t regret listening to this.

3. TWICE - Fancy

I got into TWICE when they released YES OR YES, but FANCY is the song that you can’t not fall in love with. I did on my 2nd listen and man, if you’re saying you didn’t learn the dance and bopped to this song, you are LYING because- let’s be honest - everyone said FANCY SOTY. 

Groups I began stanning in 2019 its felt like forever tho

Stray Kids - March 26th. You think I would forget? 

ATEEZ - August 18th. Another date I remember, because I spent a good 2 hours getting to memorize the members name and faces. Was so happy when I finally did it. 

iKON - Honestly, I was more of a Double B stan since January until Hanbin left. I loved their songs but I never got to know the rest of the members, except for Jinhwan. 

ChungHa - Snapping dragged me in. That’s all I gotta say. Although, ngl, Gotta Go was something I always tried to dance to. 

KARD - Again, Bomb Bomb just pulled me into the fandom. The rest of their discography made me stay. I sang along to Bomb Bomb everyday for a good 3 months. It was honestly EVERYTHING to me and then Dumb Litty came and stole my heart and KARD did it AGAIN.

Mamamoo - gogobebe. Do I really need to say anything else?

GOT7 - I’m pretty sure I got into them because, well everyone knows GOT7. They’re a name everyone knows if you like kpop, so I just wanted to get into them. Eclipse and You Calling My Name are songs I’ll dance and singalong to in the right mood and right part of the song. But their personalities dragged me in. I’m pretty sure BamBam also attracted me when he was on Stray Kids reality show. 

Day6 - Time Of Our Life. I decided to listen to it because Seungmin of Stray Kids was a big fan of them and I was like, it shouldn’t hurt to try. Seungmin made me want to watch and Day6 made me want to stay. They don’t make ANY bad songs. 

Everglow - March 18. Listened to Bon Bon Chocolat when it came out, and I was honestly scared ppl were gonna sleep on them cause ITZY debuted a month before. Fortunately, everyone noticed their talent. 

BigBang - I dunno just listened to one of their songs. And, of course, I fell in love. Too late to stan them while they were active, but I’m expecting something in 2020... just saaying.

NCT - All of the subunits. Honestly there were so many of them, I spent time taking tests to tell them apart. The struggle to stan these boys. Instantly fell in with the Dreamies. And then I found out they weren’t a fixed unit... My heart shattered. It’s still breaking because 4 OF THEM ARE LEAVING. or left. I dunno. 

Tomorrow by Together - They were probably the most anticipated group of this year. I remember ppl hyping them up in October of 2018! Predebut stan right here. (I just remembered that I thought the preview of each member was coming out in age order and thinking that Beomgyu was the youngest. And I was just like WHERE IS HEUNINGKAI FROM?!?!)

ITZY - remember when everyone thought that itzy’s debut was rushed because info about them was leaked. yeah, i forgot too. anyways, again I was a predebut stan. 

(G)- idle - i always listened to their title tracks and I began stanning them during Queendom after their Fire cover im listening to 2ne1 2015 mama fire performance rn lol.... omg bom’s han cover just started playing. spotify is watching me guys.

Somi - Birthday was a bop. fight me. outfits sucked, gotta agree with that opinion I didn’t rlly know much about IOI but I started stanning because Jenchu were fangirling to it i mean jennie twerked for it!

Jimin Park - I’m out here still streaming STAY BEAUTIFUL. honestly she’s so loveable. her personality and her voice are everything. how can you not like her

My Top 5 Groups of the Year

1. STRAY KIDS - A lot of the reasons I luv them are the same as ATEEZ. That’s why ateez are close to being my number one, but honestly these 9 boys are everything to me. 9 or NONE FOREVER. They have been through so much this year and I hope they STAY strong for 2020. In their 2020 seasons greeting they announced a full album next year, so I’m ready to follow these boys on their journey no matter how many stay or leave. I’m a STAY for a reason. 

2. ATEEZ - PERSONALITY. I’m also a sucker for groups that shove their love for each other in your face. 8 makes 1 team, y’know? Hongjoong and Mingi are amazing rappers, Jongho, Wooyoung and San’s vocals tho, Yunho and Seonghwa’s deep voices are the death of me, and Yeosang dancing. They’re talented and luvable and that’s all I need for an ult group. also all their songs are bops

3. Mamamoo - Honestly would’ve tied with Twice but these I’m a sucker for them as ppl as well, and I need that to luv a group. they ain’t fake, they slap information in your face and they are POWERFUL WOMAN. (Not saying twice aren’t ofcourse) And these girls vocals are on POINT. Moonbyul is rapper material, but have you heard the girl song? What an angel. Their songs are all slaps, especially the most recent ones. 

4. TWICE - This was their year? yes or yes. Fancy soty. Feel Special was a great title track, don’t get me wrong, bUT HAVE YOU HEARD THE FULL ALBUM. Every song is my AMAZING. omg rainbow is playing

5. NCT DREAM - These boys stole my heart, I only stanned nct because of them. Honestly seeing the 00 line leave breaks my heart.

My Top 5 girl group and boy group songs

gg songs were honestly so hard to pick, they thrived and SO many good songs were made in 2019. But here is my list. 

1. Fancy - soty

2. Hip - this song was everything from the choreo to the song itself to the girls energy performing it

3. Psycho - came out like last week but it’s in everyone's top 10 of this year. Beautiful song that won’t get outta my head. getwellsoonwendy.

4.Violeta - this is another song that won’t get out of my head. honestly none of these songs will. ok so the final dance part after the drop of violeta pisses me off because the dance could is so powerful and that part comes and it’s such a disappointment but it’s the only part I can do so i shouldn't complain  but the song itself is very catchy. I don’t want these girls to disband even if the votes were rigged because they make a good group and sing bangers. i don't want them to leeeave.

5.Lion - the song is just so powerful. other songs they’ve made are good, but the chorus is usually a disappointment because the pre chorus is so good but EVERYTHING is great about Lion. Didn’t like it at first for some reason, i dunno why, but once you give it a few more listens you’ll fall in love. 

Now onto the boy groups. They made quite a few bangers this year as well.

1. Miroh - It’s my no.1 of the year. watchu expect?

2. Wave - and this is my no.2. Again, what else would I put here?

3. Run Away - what. a. bop. still can’t get out of my head. Crown was a disappointment to me after 1000 listens but not Run Away. A bonus is the Harry Potter references. With that I just was head over heels in love. Txt didn’t fail to disappoint with their comeback even if it was pushed back. 

4. Boom - This song made me fall in love with the talent that NCT DREAM holds despite being so young. Sang along for a few months. Actually, it’s still in my head. 

5. Make It Right - I was doing title tracks for all these but then I realised there has to be an exception because I just really like this song, especially the one featuring Lauv. Boy with luv wasn’t it for me but every other song on Persona is a straight up masterpiece (ok an exaggeration but u get what i mean)

Now onto the soloists (they’re all female, sry not sry)

1. Chica - I was debating whether to put Snapping or this but decided with Chica. Honestly the vocals, the song, the dance, the MESSAGE, is everything. I love it, it empowers woman, it makes ME feel good, and it’s what some people really need sometimes. So, thank you ChungHa. 

2. Gotta Go - another bop by our queen ChungHa, she really ruled this year. I didn’t stan her when it came out but that doesn’t mean I didn’t do the ‘deulshi’ part whenever I heard it. iconic.

3. Twit - Again another iconic bop from this year. (i thought this masterpiece came out last year, i dunno why but it just is so 2018 for some reason? I dunno) Hwasa’s solo debut really was everything. So was Moonbyul’s which unfortunately didn't make it on the list but I would say it’s in between 5th to 7th for me. 

4. Stay Beautiful - Such a beautiful song, it was a shame Jamie had to leave but she left JYP saying that they lost smth PRECIOUS and they would regret it and she conveyed all that in one song without hinting at it. So many quote worthy lyrics were in the song and it just bring up my mood and my standard for vocals. Don’t sleep on this girl, y’all. 

5. Birthday - the song brought out mixed reactions from everyone but i LOVED IT. It did get a bit old but it’s still something you’ll find me singing along to every now and then. 

ARTISTS THAT STOOD OUT TO ME THIS YEAR 

1. Bang Chan of Stray Kids. I love him. He’s such a great leader, he’s a loveable person, he’s all rounded and he fucks up sometimes but he acknowledges it and fixes it. He went through so much shit this year and he deserves so much more. I, along with many other STAYs are gonna make 2020 a better year for him and all of his group. Stay strong Chan! But besides his personality his stage presence, his rapping, his singing, his producing, his energy, his personality, it all made him someone who was always on my mind. 

2. Yeonjun of Tomorrow x Together. He’s also very well rounded and he really stands out to me from all the other 4th gens. Whenever I see a performance by TXT he always grabs my attention even when he’s not the main focus. I love his dancing, it’s very eye catching to me, along with his stage presence. He never loses his energy on stage and I expect a lot from him in 2020! His rapping and singing are amazing as well, especially for a rookie. Also when they first debuted he cried a lot, which was very heartwarming to me because idols showing emotion other than happy is something I appreciate, because it lets me remember they’re human too.

3. Seulgi of Red Velvet. She’s, again, very well rounded. I’m not really a Reveluv, but Wendy and Seulgi are vocalists who really stand out to me so those to kind of make me want to listen to Red Velvet’s songs. She’s an amazing vocalist, like words can’t express how much a love this woman's voice. Her stage presence is amazing as well, she’s just a really good performer imo.

4. Jihyo and Nayeon of TWICE. First of all I really like their personality and how powerful they are. Honestly a wink from them and I’m falling of my chair. Secondly, I don’t know if anyone's noticed but I really like powerful female vocals, and these two have extremely POWERFUL vocals. Have you heard them sing? Just... POWERFUL, that’s all I can really say to describe their voices. 

5. Mingi and Hongjoong of ATEEZ. They are rapper that are gonna blow away the whole industry with 3racha, I mean they already have. Did y’all see their performance in MAMA. The RAWEST vocals I heard that whole show. They were obviously not lip syncing, you could hear Mingi panting and he didn’t rap a whole line, and I LOVE that because it is RAW and we need more raw vocals or atleast breaths heard when the artists are dancing because it makes the performance more REAL. also stage presence is amazing from these two, they really know how to hype up a crowd. 

ROOKIE GROUPS I EXPECT A LOT FROM NEXT YEAR

sorry my expectations are high for them, but they have stood out tome so much and i couldn’t stand to see them flop. 

1. TOMORROW X TOGETHER - they’ve been on this list quite a lot, and I really appreciate their individual talents along with them as a group. I REALLY want to see them improve and grow more next year because they were really pushed this year, being BTS’s juniors. I’m sure they were really stressed but I want them to become TOMORROW BY TOGETHER not BTS’s juniors. Probably won’t happen in a year but hopefully in the next decade.

2. ITZY - another group really known for theing the juniors of TWICE this time. The title tracks they released so far have all been listen to it the first time, you don;t like it, but listen to it the 2nd time and it’s stuck in your head for the next 7 months. Honestly if they keep going like this, it would be like a ITZY thing, and I honestly wouldn’t mind. 

3. EVERGLOW - i think everyone just saw bon bon chocolat, gave it a listen, and loved it. but i also heard it was produced by someone who helped produce Crown by TXT and Spring Day by BTS, so there’s another reason ppl may have liked it so much. Adios wasn’t a disappointment at all.  Of course, I would also love it if Everglow kept up the “nanana” thing in each of their title tracks.

4. ATEEZ - I don’t think they’ll flop at all next year. I know they just had their 1st year anniversary, but I wouldn’t mind a full album... either way, Imma stick with them because they’ve only released that good shit so far and I’m honestly expecting a somewhat mediocre song at least once in their career next year. Not expecting it though. 

5. ONEUS - I haven’t’t talked about them yet but all of oneus’s title tracks are absolute gold. I am a mess for Valkyrie, Twilight AND Lit. They’re all just AMAZING songs. I mean, what did we expect from Mamamoo’s juniors but. They are REALLY good. Just go listen to all their title tracks rn. 

And finally, wishes for 2020

- Of course, Wendy to recover after her tragic incident at SBS. Again, I hope she recovers well

- Mina to come back from her hiatus, only if she’s ready to, of course

- BLACKPINK FULL ALBUM. ROSE SOLO. PLEASE.

- Of course, 4th gen to thrive along with 3rd gen and 2nd gen groups

- A full album from stray kids (which was confirmed) and again, maybe for ATEEZ? just maybe? 

- More attention for Mamamoo. They are underrated queens. 

- Less hate for Tomorrow By Together. People bash them just because they’re BTS’s juniors. they would be praised a less but definitely not doubted way more if they weren’t under Bighit. Yeah, they get luxuries other groups won’t but that doesn’t mean people should degrade them for it. 

And with that

I wish everyone a Happy New Year. May your next decade be filled with happiness and joy! omg fancy started playing

also i didn’t have time to properly edit this. then again i am a rambling blog, so what are you expecting?

[blookmallow]

ok that was mostly really good but what a BULLSHIT ENDING

i WAS going to say this might’ve made me cry if i was in a more emotional state, stories where “the ghost was just Hurt and needed help and needed to be understood” absolutely fucking WRECK me and i was going to say “having a Mother be the one person who figured out what this abused, murdered child wanted, a mother finding her and making a connection with her and bringing her peace, is so good” and i was going to say “noah going from ‘really unpleasant guy i cant be bothered to remember who makes fun of her fears and wont take her seriously’ to ‘absolutely going fucking feral trying to save rachel’s life and going to ANY lengths to get through this together’ is SUCH GREAT CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT” but now im just fucking mad lmao

i never really like stories where it’s like.... a child is just Evil for no reason, like for one thing “idk its just evil” is boring (unless its like. disney villain musical number evil then its fun but u know) i dont think a child can be Just Evil, and especially when they set the parallel with the disabled kid like “sometimes your kid’s got Something Wrong With Them but you love them anyway” with “sometimes a kid’s just evil” / the implication that maybe her parents were right to murder her is SO fucked 

they had this beautiful moment of “this isn’t an evil monster, this is a child, this is a little girl who was maybe mentally unwell but that’s not her FAULT, and she was being abused by her father and was murdered by her mother and spent a week dying alone in a well knowing what her mother had done, she wanted to be found, she wanted someone to hear her, she wanted someone to understand her and it took a woman, a mother, to understand that and to FIND her” and then just threw it out for the shock value of “wait nope it’s not over she’s just evil and will keep killing people forever because she wants to spread her suffering to the world” 

i mean. i understand the particular horror in the “the only way to survive is to pass it to someone else” and maybe there’s some kind of “reporter realizes the cost of getting in other peoples’ business and reopening old wounds for the sake of a story; you want to share someone else’s pain, now you have to, now you have to share it with everyone or you’ll fucking die” message here but 

A) horror movies need to fucking realize they DONT HAVE TO HAVE A SHOCKER ENDING/A SAD ENDING ITS OKAY TO LET YOUR PROTAGONISTS SURVIVE ITS OK TO LET THEM HEAL ITS OK TO HAVE A RESOLUTION FOR ONCE HOLY SHIT

and B) that’s not what she was doing?? she mentions maybe doing a story on it but it was never about like, “if i solve this ill be famous/ill get a promotion” whatever she wanted to understand. she wanted to find out what happened. she wanted to protect her child, even if she couldn’t save herself, she wanted to save her son, so her motive was exactly what samara should have wanted, she should have been the perfect person to figure this out, she was trying to uncover the truth behind a child’s abuse and murder to bring that child peace and save her own child in the process 

and there was such potential for samara to communicate with aiden, a kid who’s different too, a kid who expresses in “unusual” ways like her, a kid who also has a rough time with his parents even if his situation isn’t nearly as bad

rachel wasn’t just trying to spread a rumor around, her motives were all in exactly the right place so why is she getting punished for it

or maybe THAT’S the point and it’s a “you tried to do everything right but now you’re being forced to spread evil and suffering anyway, even though that was the last thing you intended” i dont know. its bullshit and im mad but i still liked it up until that point enough to forgive it it was still. really good, despite the Massive Flaws :’| 

i gotta process for a while lmao

and i gotta watch the original to see if that clears anything up

i still dont understand why her parents got so fucked up about her. like. i guess anna kept miscarrying so her husband believed she wasn’t meant to have a child and straight away assumed something was Bad about samara. but why did anna kill her if she wanted her and loved her so much. what had she done at that point that was “bad” 

im guessing it was the weird pictures and stuff, which. ok the fact that they weren’t just weird drawings and were like. x ray things??? was maybe a sign of something supernaturally wrong and not just a kid who needs support for their mental illness But Still 

rachel realized this was just a mentally unwell kid who needed to be listened to finding a way to express herself that her parents decided meant she was evil and needed to die, and she was fucking horrified by that, she as a mother with a kid who is also “”different”” who she would do anything for realizing this child’s mother in the same situation chose to murder her kid

it could have been a powerful message if they hadn’t fucked it up with “lol just kidding she was evil actually” 

im also wondering if the husband maybe did something to his wife that was actively causing her to miscarry?? i dont know if thats a thing that can be done but he said she “wasn’t supposed” to have a child, samara said he loves the horses and not her, it seems like he didn’t want a child in the first place 

and i dont know why they said she was adopted?? i dont know. its 2 AM and now i gotta figure out how to get my brain to stop spinning in circles so i can sleep lmao

[holydepths-blog]

✩ jt & sienna

my wrist hurts from typing so eat ass 

Disagreements:

Who is more likely to raise their voice? sienna … like we get it he’s in a gang so he has to b mean to other people but both of them know she’ll kill him if he ever talks to her loudly in any capacity Who threatens to leave but never actually does? i feel like he’s a dramatic mf … like ummmm i can go any time i WANT to im not actually ur bf !! and she’s like yeah ur right leave and he goes :pensive: Who actually keeps their word and leaves? sienna . she would storm out of her own house for dramatic effect .  my girl doesn’t give a fuck Who trashes the house? she’ll throw sum at him …. prolly a pillow , she doesn’t need a lawsuit on her hands Do either of them get physical? not to imply domestic abuse is ever laughable but if (when? we dk) she ever came @ him … it’d be funny cos he cld literally just push against her forehead and her arms would not reach him How often do they argue/disagree? all the time, she disagrees simply to disagree w him Who is the first to apologise? her, solely because she’s Antagonistic on purpose and then feels bad 

Sex: 

Who is on top? she wants to take a ride on his disco stick Who is on the bottom? u heard me Who has the strangest desires? they both think the other person’s entirely normal behavior is freaky . jt wants to snuggle ? sienna: tf are we , puritans ? Any kinks? i refuse to take the bdsm test for her because i’m scared of what i’ll find so come back to me on this one Who’s dominant in bed? it’s exhausting being dominant in everything else so he takes the w on this one Is head ever in the equation? yethIf so, who is better at performing it? his beard is itchy so he compensates by being really fucking good at it Ever had sex in public? yes. they’ve had sex in the back room of the thrift shop more than they have upstairs in her apartment Who moans the most? can he shut the frick up Who leaves the most marks? sienna…………………………………. dont askWho screams the loudest? can SHE shut the frick up ….Who is the more experienced of the two? idk how experienced he is probably very but it’s important for me that u know she’s a whore Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’? they frick Rough or soft? r**gh …. once a month she’s uwu ….How long do they usually last? for a long time , her poor thrussy Is protection used? yes. she’d kill herself before she got pregnant Does it ever get boring? no Where is the strangest place they’d have sex? they’ve had sex anywhere and everywhere 

Family:

Do your muses plan on having children/or have children? she would literally rather DIE than be pregnant. FOR THE PURPOSES of this section … they adopt (one) kid when they’re too old to be raising a tot but still try, don’t @ me. If so, how many children do your muses want/have? her ? none lol but AGAIN … i cannot leave this section blank and …. future purposes dont @ meWho is the favorite parent? sienna’s not a regular mom, she’s a cool momWho is the authoritative parent? she’s also a bitch though, don’t forget it Who is more likely to allow the children to have a day off school? jt , mostly because sienna doesn’t want them around all day Who lets the children indulge in sweets and junk food when the other isn’t around? SIENNA  …. yeah sorry that i don’t think it’s jordan ‘waahhh sienna i don’t want you to get mercury poisoning’ tucker …. mind ur fucking business maybe ? Who turns up to extra curricular activities to support their children? sienna , but she drags jt with her so she has someone to bitch about soccer moms and how long [ insert activity here ] is running with Who goes to parent teacher interviews? jt , sienna isn’t allowed there anymore. it’s a long story. Who changes the diapers? bold of u to assume she would ever go NEAR a diaperWho gets up in the middle of the night to feed the baby? she’s fully decided she is INDEPENDENT and does not NEED him to wake up for moral support or to warm up a bottle … her tit is good enough Who spends the most time with the children? jt , she’s an ankle biter anti . ( she still  reads the kid bedtime stories every night )Who packs their lunch boxes? jt , sienna is not allowed to make health choices for ANYONE Who gives their children ‘the talk’? SIENNA … she tells them flat out what happens and why it happens , no bullshit . science babey ! Who cleans up after the kids? nothing ever gets cleaned up , ever. Who worries the most? jt . sienna is too cool and chill 2 have anxiety Who are the children more likely to learn their first swear word from? SIENNA 

Affection:

Who likes to cuddle? he does … she’s super handsy casually but whenever it comes to actually hugging she takes a bit to warm up to it Who is the little spoon? she is …. he’s only allowed 2 snuggle her if she can fall asleep in his arms . nearly vomited writing that actually Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places? right now ? sienna , trying to convince everyone they’re like actually really a thing . Who struggles to keep their hands to themself? sienna , and she denies it until her dying breath How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable? sienna’s … ability to be uber affectionate with him is limited …. but she gets a lot better as time grows on . that’s character development Who gives the most kisses? jtWhat is their favourite non-sexual activity? dont ask me why my first thought was watching shitty b-rated horror movies …. she also makes him sort through clothes with her, and she promises it’s very theraputic Where is their favourite place to cuddle? bed . it’s much easier to get her to drop her mr tough guy act when she’s sleepy Who is more likely to playfully grope the other? neither , when they touch eachother it means BUSINESS , see two sections back How often do they get time to themselves? all the time , she runs away

Sleeping:

Who snores? i already know she does , dont judge her If both do, who snores the loudest? sienna Do they share a bed or sleep separately? share :3 not rn …… but they WLD If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart? she’s ready to draw a partition down the middle of the bedWho talks in their sleep? sienna , and he makes fun of her for it What do they wear to bed? sienna steals clothes specifically from him  to sleep in. she’s also 10/10 a morning showererer so she’ll lit sleep in her clothes from that day and not give a FUCK Are either of your muses insomniacs? sienna never sleeps she runs purely on red bull and annoyance Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside? yeah , she takes them most nights Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side? side by side, though occasionally she’ll reach for his hand Who wakes up with bed hair? sienna, and it’s awful. he’ll get his ass beat if he mentions it Who wakes up first? jt. it takes her FOREVER to fall asleep , but once she’s out she’s out .  think being awake for 24 hours then sleeping for 12+ Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other? he does, not to be romantic but because he’s sick and tired of her eating leftover fried rice in bed. What is their favourite sleeping position? she sprawls , and she doesn’t like to be touching him when she sleeps , but his presence is a good thing Who hogs the sheets? jt , simply because he’s so comparatively large next to her that using a reasonable amount of sheets reads as hogging Do they set an alarm each night? they both intend to — and always forget. when when it goes off, sienna sleeps through it Can a television be found in their bedroom? yes , but it doesn’t get cable like the one in the living room does. it’s exclusively for blockbuster rentals. Who has nightmares? she doesn’t have wake up in a cold sweat nightmares, but she has sad dreams a lot Who has ridiculous dreams? sienna makes up the craziest dreams to relay to him just to fuck with him Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed? SIENNAWho makes the bed?  neither have the time What time is bed time? either 8pm or 4am, no in between Any routines/rituals before bed? her SOLE form of self care is face masks, and she makes him do them on the top half of his face where green gunk wont get in his hair Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up? sienna is grumpy all the time, so it’d have to be him by comparison 

Work:

Who is the busiest? she literally lives at work, so there’s always something Who rakes in the highest income? considering she is a SMART , STRONG , almost business owner ( omg they popping BIG bottles when the old bitch that actually owns the attic dies ) and he thrives on tips and gang bullshit ? do the math. Are any of your muses unemployed? nopeWho takes the most sick days? sienna just opens the store and goes back upstairs to fake supervise in her sleep, call her if there’s a fireWho is more likely to turn up late to work? he is, it’s LITERALLY impossible for her to do that Who sucks up to their boss? paging ed, she’s her own fucking boss What are their jobs? he’s a bartender/gang fREAK , she manages the attic thrift store Who stresses the most? jt has a lot of long days to to the antics of alcoholics , she likes her job even though she wishes she was somewhere else Do your muses enjoy or despise their careers/occupations? she likes it…. but she’s super depressed she isn’t following her dreams. i assume he likes whatever’s going on on the wrong side of town Are your muses financially stable? yes 

Home:

Who does the washing? jtWho takes out the trash? jordan tucker Who does the ironing? jordanWho does the cooking? mr tuckerWho is more likely to burn the house down just trying? see i would say sienna, but she DOESN’T try. Who is messier? sienna, but she’s not as much messy as she is disorganizedWho leaves the toilet roll empty? siennaWho leaves their dirty clothes on the floor? jt, he lit just took his shoes off in the thread ….. literally get off her couch Who forgets to flush the toilet? that’s gross. Who is the prankster around the house? if he pulls anything over on her in her house he’s kicked 2 the curb. she bullying he is fair game tho Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere? sienna doesn’t drive, so him Who mows the lawn? what lawn Who answers the telephone? she pointedly ignores them Who does the vacuuming? see the other chore listWho does the groceries? ^Who takes the longest to shower? siennaWho spends the most time in the bathroom? neither of them , efficiency is key 

Miscellaneous:

Is money a problem? mo money mo problems is what i always say . it isn’t overflowing , but it isn’t an issue How many cars do they own? he has a motorcycle , she has a bike and two working feet Do they own their home or do they rent? she rents , technically , until she gets the store Do they live near the coast or deep in the countryside? dont ask this again mads still has not told me where we are Do they live in the city or in the country? SHE lives downtown , he would have to move in with her Do they enjoy their surroundings? she hates it , she wants a big city What’s their song? she played this on her record player , and she had one too many drinks and tried to dance with him to it ….. What do they do when they’re away from each other? breathe a sigh of relief Where did they first meet? the thrift storeHow did they first meet? when she literally made out w him unprecedentedly Who spends the most money when out shopping? sienna is always buying things at garage sales and other thrift stores she insists are to resell but then a week later they show up in her house or she’s wearing them Who’s more likely to flash their assets? sienna  owns one expensive thing and never lets it go. Who finds it amusing when the other trips over? they aren’t 10 Any mental issues? too many to countWho’s terrified of bugs? spiders are her friends Who kills the spiders around the house? if he does she’ll b mad at him that’s pablo , he lives in the corner Their favourite place? her apartment Who pays the bills? siennaDo they have any fears for their future? at this point probably the stress of staging a breakup Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner? LOOK … i know it’s not the question but she surprises him with spectacularly unfancy dinners …. he shows up and they’re eating pizza rolls by candlelight because if she doesn’t cook them ahead of time he won’t let her eat them Who uses up all of the hot water? SIENNAWho’s the tallest? he is , she’s 2ft Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other? sienna, the horndogWho wanders around in their underwear? [ me vc ] if he keeps barging in he’s seen her in a towel Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? neither of them , they DANCE What do they tease each other about? him about her poor life choices , her about his criticisms of her life choices . essentially she mocks him Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times? sienna has to beg him to not wear a clean version of the same fucking clothes every day . he owns one outfit and washes it each night as far as she’s concerned Do they have mutual friends? no , they run in VERY different circles Who crushed first? [ tatbilb vc ] if anyone’s fallen in love with someone who doesn’t love them back, it’s not you. it’s kavinsky. he’s kavinsky. Any alcohol or substance related problems? the only water she drinks is watered down beer because it was cheaper, amiright lads? also she smokes a lot , have fun with lung cancer when you’re 40 sienna Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am? sienna, and he was the bartenderWho swears the most? her 

[nureyevsbf]

first ten for carlisle :3c

i literally almost cried MULTIPLE times while writing this let’s GO

tw for mild internalized homophobia in question 7

sorry if you’re just some rando looking for twilight content who comes across this bc of all the fuckin keywords in it

otp question meme

1. Who is the most affectionate?

does it even count if i say both??? like i have lovey dovey bitch disease and im extremely affectionate but like. carlisle. carlisle who was lonely and heartbroken and crushed by self-loathing for years. carlisle who was touch starved for decades and would probably cry if he was physically capable the first time i touched him lovingly. carlisle who thought he was a monster and damned to hell who finally has someone - someone who's hunted monsters like him before and yet sees this beauty in him and loves him with their whole heart - that looks at him like he put the stars in the sky himself and who loves every part of him and insists he's more human than any of them. that carlisle?????? look me in the fuckin eyes and tell me he wouldn't b the softest most affectionate full-of-love motherfucker on the planet.

2. Big spoon/Little spoon?

im the big spoon just bc i Always am and Am Never the little spoon, but a lot of time i'll sleep on his chest while he sits up doing whatever (since, like, doesnt need to sleep and shit)

3. Most common argument?

hmm. i don't think we would argue very much?? we probably don't argue at all until the other cullens start coming along, and it's more... how to correctly handle them. like specifically in new moon i would Definitely be against packing up and moving out just bc edward's being weird and fucking emo and that would definitely turn into...one of the few heated arguments we ever have.

4. Favorite non-sexual activity?

carlisle really likes cooking, even though he can't eat any of it himself, so he enjoys helping me in the kitchen when i make food. he also likes being with me when i sleep - be it curling up with me and resting his eyes or reading while i sleep on his chest or whatever.

5. Who is most likely to carry the other?

i think i've answered this before and said it would probably b an even split but. yeah normally it'd b me due to who i am as a person so u would Think. but like. he MORE than has the strength for it and definitely loves to just. sweep me off my feet, literally, when the moment calls for it tbh

also, given vampires r like. Basically stone. i think it's very difficult for me to lift him in my human form.

6. What is their favorite feature of their partner’s?

ive definitely answered this one before but. for me, my favorite physical feature is his voice and his eyes. like of course All of him is breathtaking but those two things specifically get my ass. but my favorite non-physical feature - and yes i know i wind up saying this of a Lot of my f/os, im pretty sure this is just my type - is his heart. like....he's such an inherently good person and his desire to do good runs so deep that that's the thing that was amplified when he was turned - he literally is the only cullen who has never taken a human life bc his gift is literally to be able to resist THE most quintessential part of being a vampire. and i RLLY fuckign love that abt him.

he i think also likes my eyes??? there's nothing special abt them like his my eyes are just rlly pretty like irl hjdfghdfjg. he also really just...loves the fact that i'm flesh and blood. like he relishes in my warmth and my heartbeat and the fact that i'm living and it's just made better by the fact that i'm not mortal. like he can still have a partner who's all these things and whose life he can cherish w/o having to deal with me eventually falling victim to this mortal coil that doesn't affect him (and i mean - both of us are not invulnerable but at least it's like. time that's never going to do us part.)

but then as far as non-physical features go, he likes.....ok this is very broad and i do have to explain all the shit that falls under this umbrella. but he likes my sense of good. i'm a deeply, deeply loyal person, and have this very strong sense of morals and a code of honor, and i'm naturally very selfless and giving, and these r all things that made him fall in love w me in the first place.

7. What’s the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?

oh this is so so emo and im so sorry for how sad this is abt to get. this is one of the parts that almost made me cry and not bc of how soft it is.

for me it's not too bad i just am very obvious abt how attached to him i am and wanna spend more time w him and really like latch onto him once i realize ive caught feelings. like that's just how i am in general.

but w carlisle. it's so hard for him to deal with. like it's just massive fucking turmoil for him. this affection and adoration he feels and is dying to express but this horrible guilt and his self-hatred getting amplified - like, again, he hates himself and what he is and he thinks he's this awful monster even if he's never hurt a human being and is actively trying to help people by studying medicine, and then there's me who he sees the world in and who he knows has distaste for his kind (bc again has actively hunted his kind) and he's just hit with all this shit like. he's not good enough for me, what if i find out abt the way he feels abt me and i'm disgusted by him, what if i leave and don't want to travel with him anymore. could he take that kind of heartbreak, could he take being alone again, could he take being left because of what a wretched thing he is? (there's also probably. religious panic :\\ im sure like coming to terms w being bi/mlm is NOT easy for him, son of a preacher, and im sure that's a part of it.)

he reacts to this whole fucking chaos of emotions in him by withdrawing a lot, i think? getting quieter and distancing himself from me - he's not even really meaning to, he wants to be near me but it hurts so much he just does it on instinct. which turns around and hurts him more, and hurts me in the process, so really this initial weird period of painful ass angsty pining just hurts us both, like, way more than necessary

8. Nicknames? & if so, how did they originate?

i have Not ultimately though up anything since i was last asked this :pensive: so i think i have to just come to terms w the fact that i don't think we would give each other nicknames. not even shortened versions of our names (outside of me w eli but i literally just go by that normally.) pet names, yes, absolutely; it'd be my standard ones - dear, baby, doll, honey, sometimes love/my love, and if i Really wanna be over-the-top half-facetiously sappy and gross sometimes i'll say "my darling dearest." w him it's darling, dear, love/my love, and his gross over-the-top cheesy bullshit is 100% genuine and absolutely NOT facetious even a LITTLE bit and it DOES fluster the shit out of me when he does super gay ass shit like call me "my heart" or "my light in the dark" or whatever other sappy ass BULLSHIT

9. Who worries the most?

this one i know i've answered before. and like, it's him.... i think he just has a lot to worry abt. im fleshy and kinda vulnerable and that scares him - i think he worries a lot too abt like. what if the nature of our relationship makes me a target. esp with the volturi, who like have it in their rules that vampires are not to associate w werewolves, and that's not what i am but would they be willing to listen to that? especially if aro reads my mind and realizes i've killed their kind before?? the family probably keeps it under wraps tbh, hides me from the volturi, but that's not really a perfect solution. it's probably not till the end of breaking dawn when the volturi agrees to honor the treaties/relationship w the pack that they feel like i'm safe.

he also just worries abt little shit too!! like i can and do get hurt in ways they don't even if it's NOT a big deal. cut myself cooking (which to clarify. my blood isn't an issue bc it smells like shit to them. i think that might have been confirmed for the pack too but. i smell like dog it's Not appealing) or twist my ankle doing some dumbass shit or whatever. and i heal much faster than humans so this shit isn't a problem!! and the rational doctor in him is like this is a very small injury it's really NOT an issue. but the husband in him is like ))))): i don't want him to be hurting

and it just kind of results in him hovering nervously and fussing over me when he RLLY doesnt need to be

10. Who remembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant?

w us it's not exactly a big deal given carlisle can't exactly eat out at restraurants lol. he does remember my favorite restaurants in every town we go to and my takeout order and regularly brings food home for me on his way back from work, though.

[stranger-stim]

I love your original stim gifs. They help me realise how much of what I do in my day to day life is stimming, and help me become less ashamed of it. I think you've said before that you have trained yourself (maybe not the best word choice but I can't think of a better one) to stim more freely and stop repressing stims, and I'm wondering if you'd be willing to share how you did that?

hi anon! sorry this is later than i said it would be, i bought minecraft and then suddenly like 3 days disappeared… this is going to be a little rambly as ive not gotten more than 6 hours of sleep a night in the last two weeks i believe.

this got EXTREMELY long, so im gonna put it under a readmore:

first, im glad my gifs can help you feel more comfortable, thats a huge reason i make gifs and put them up! when i was first realizing i might be autistic, following people who posted stimming gifs made a huge difference in my self acceptance. (@elzear-stims was the first person i followed for autistic stuff, elz is less active on here now but elz has a lot of stimming gifs up still!).

recognizing things i do as healthy and autistic self-expression, beyond not feeling bad about it, also helps me be more intentional about doing what i need to take care of my brain and body. for example, i have a tendency to pull at hangnails when im stressed, especially when i have to talk to professors or things like that, and have made myself bleed lots of times before. now that i know why i do that (as a grounding stim, because im distressed), its a lot easier to redirect and remember to use one of the many stim toys i always have in my pocket.

second, training myself to not suppress my stims has been a process, and there are still times when i have to act nt because of school or lab. i dont have a foolproof method or anything, but here are some things that have helped me:

1) follow autistic people, and/or the stim freely tag, to help your brain normalize stimming as good and healthy. imo, knowing stimming is healthy on an intellectual level is different from changing your brains initial reaction. we live in a really ableist society, especially in a lot of parts of the internet with “cringe culture” etc. especially if you’ve been bullied or gotten in trouble with authority figures for stimming, its easy to have your first response to seeing someone stim be embarassment or the feeling that its wrong/incorrect. seeking out more content of people stimming can help convince your brain that its healthy and good, and changing that first response will transfer over to how you see your own stims too.

2) get some stim toys! doesn’t have to be anything expensive or fancy; some of my favorite stim toys are smooth rocks, beads on a string, soft fabric, and those spring/coil bracelets for keys etc. keep them with you in pockets or on a belt loop or something, and you can use them to stim during times you cant body stim. for me at least, Always having something to stim with made my brain want to stim more? since the norm is stimming, not suppressing stims.

2b) at this point for me, stim toys are something i primarily use when im somewhere i have to look nt (class, lab) or when im super overwhelmed and need to chill out post-meltdown (glitter jars and soft things and ear defenders are my go-to for those times). the rest of the time i default to body stims, which at this point are more natural to me. that doesn’t have to be true for you at all tho!

3) pay attention to things you do and a) notice the situation youre in and b) do them more and see how you feel! for example, ive always needed to have my legs crossed all the way (like with the foot hooked back around my calf?) to focus during tests; ive known this for a long time about myself but only knew Why recently; its a pressure stim! i also sit crosslegged All The Time. now i know why i do that (it helps me focus and stay grounded bc im autistic and its a pressure stim) and i can do it intentionally and also not try to sit “normally” because i Know now that will make me less able to pay attention.

4) have autistic friends or people you trust and can be your authentic self around! this one can be really hard, but in my experience being autistic is similar to being lgbt where the people you gravitate toward and want to be friends with usually end up being autistic or cousins (like adhd). i call people who probably arent nt “capital f Friends” actually. of my close friends, most are Friends and both my partners are autistic/adhd! this helps a lot with acceptance and also its really fun to stim with your friends and pick up their stims.

5) stim when youre walking places outside so your brain knows its allowed to stim out n about. when im walking home, i walk through a neighborhood and no one is ever out there (at this point if they are i dont care much but). so i just… let my body do whatever it wants on my walk home. which usually means raptor hands or idle flapping depending on enegy level, and bouncy/toe walking and clicky vocal stims that i try not to do the rest of the time bc they annoy people lol.

alrighty, this is probably way more detail than you wanted but there u go! feel free to ask more questions if that didnt cover what you were wondering or if you have new ones!

[siribear]

sera and sunny + ib and eph

4:22 PM - iron bull is my precious son: my sister: after playing video games where you drive, i realized i became a worse driver because i keep thinking i can do all the twisty stuff and can hurt pedestrians 4:22 PM - iron bull is my precious son: thats sera tbh 4:23 PM - X-Reyes: everyone has slowly stopped letting her drive if they all go out 4:23 PM - iron bull is my precious son: t b h 4:23 PM - iron bull is my precious son: im sure they are really afraid shed do a hit and run 4:23 PM - X-Reyes: they are! 4:24 PM - X-Reyes: even with eph in the backseat like, 'sera i might be off duty but i'm still a cop' 4:24 PM - iron bull is my precious son: sera's like bc ur a cop and u have to drive boringly, im giving u excitement 4:24 PM - iron bull is my precious son: then she gets a ticket and ephs co worker is like 4:24 PM - iron bull is my precious son: bro 4:24 PM - iron bull is my precious son: what r u doing back there 4:24 PM - X-Reyes: eph is the SAFEST driver 4:25 PM - X-Reyes: he just has his head in his hands like 'i'm sorry' 4:25 PM - iron bull is my precious son: i feel so bad for eph bc IDK HOW HE DIDNT LOSE HIS JOB BEING AROUND SERA 4:26 PM - X-Reyes: bc he's the only one that can reign her in really 4:27 PM - X-Reyes: like so sera gets caught running a red light but at least she wasn't speeding 4:27 PM - iron bull is my precious son: id be surprised if she didnt get like 3 tickets trying to drive to a  7/11 to get a slushie tbh 4:28 PM - X-Reyes: eph's on duty one night and catches sera speeding to like a walgreens or a corner store 4:28 PM - X-Reyes: and he pulls her over ofc and he's like 'what now' 4:28 PM - X-Reyes: 'sunny's sick and i'm getting her medicine.' 4:28 PM - X-Reyes: and eph is just like :||||| 'get in the car' and he turns on the lights and they speed to the store and back 4:29 PM - iron bull is my precious son: IM CRYING 4:30 PM - iron bull is my precious son: i love their relationship so much tbh????? 4:30 PM - X-Reyes: team gay 4:30 PM - iron bull is my precious son: team gay!!!!!!!!!!!! 4:30 PM - X-Reyes: i just imagine bull and sera are excellent wingmen for each other at bars and try to see how many people they can win over in one night 4:32 PM - iron bull is my precious son: so tru, no one knows how the two most chaotic people met but there sera and bull are 4:33 PM - X-Reyes: eph's just glad bull doesn't get into too much trouble 4:33 PM - X-Reyes: that doesn't mean he doesn't egg sera on 4:33 PM - X-Reyes: but only having to keep an eye on one person makes his job easier 4:34 PM - X-Reyes: (and bull keeps her in check sometimes. barely, but sometimes. the last time she tried to burn a building down, it didn't go so well) 4:34 PM - iron bull is my precious son: i cry 4:34 PM - iron bull is my precious son: sera's like fuck u authority fuck u rich people but bull is like rich people suck but at least im getting paaaaaaaaaaaaaid 4:34 PM - iron bull is my precious son: so bull tries to calm sera down 4:35 PM - iron bull is my precious son: i'm hashtag sorry but i still ship eph and bull deep in my heart 4:35 PM - X-Reyes: 'i don't think ephraim's boss will appreciate you doing that' 4:35 PM - X-Reyes: 'effie can handle mr. tight pants' 4:35 PM - X-Reyes: 'not after what you tried to pull earlier this week.' 4:35 PM - X-Reyes: 'shit.' 4:36 PM - X-Reyes: i'll probably do another ephraim run where i romance bull. maybe. 4:36 PM - X-Reyes: see if i can deal with his romance 4:36 PM - iron bull is my precious son: ;) 4:36 PM - iron bull is my precious son: ;) 4:36 PM - iron bull is my precious son: ;) 4:36 PM - iron bull is my precious son: ;) 4:36 PM - iron bull is my precious son: ;) 4:36 PM - iron bull is my precious son: ;) 4:37 PM - iron bull is my precious son: it's cute i h8 the kinky shit but his romance esp with male inquisitors makes me go :D 4:37 PM - iron bull is my precious son: it's cuuuuuuuute i ship it 4:37 PM - X-Reyes: lol 4:37 PM - X-Reyes: just 4:37 PM - X-Reyes: sunny: iron bull? 4:37 PM - X-Reyes: and eph ducks his head and blushes and sunny just ruffles his hair 4:37 PM - iron bull is my precious son: C U T E HOW DARE U 4:38 PM - iron bull is my precious son: sunny teases her bro all the time lbr 4:38 PM - X-Reyes: she's def the more teasing between the two of them 4:38 PM - iron bull is my precious son: ok but come on. ephs face during th escene where the adivsors come in????? HOW IS THAT NOT ADORABLE 4:38 PM - iron bull is my precious son: i love those lil scene im cryin 4:38 PM - X-Reyes: that's my fave scene ngl 4:39 PM - iron bull is my precious son: SUCH A GOOD 4:39 PM - X-Reyes: eph is so vanilla tho idk how he'd feel about bdsm 4:39 PM - X-Reyes: it'd take him a bit to be okay with it 4:39 PM - iron bull is my precious son: vanilla eph 4:39 PM - iron bull is my precious son: thats 2 cute 4:39 PM - iron bull is my precious son: eph is really cute he's my son 4:39 PM - X-Reyes: lmao 4:40 PM - X-Reyes: cassandra goes to sunny later like 'so your brother and iron bull' 4:40 PM - X-Reyes: sunny: 'ah. i told them to lock the door next time.' 4:40 PM - iron bull is my precious son: /SUNNY/ 4:40 PM - iron bull is my precious son: it 4:41 PM - X-Reyes: sunny @ eph: am i going to have to make you a charm that locks all of your doors whenever you take your clothes off? 4:41 PM - X-Reyes: and eph is /morified/ 4:41 PM - X-Reyes: mortified* 4:41 PM - iron bull is my precious son: it's always sunny in skyhold 4:41 PM - iron bull is my precious son: i just love the facct how easy eph gets embarassed 4:41 PM - iron bull is my precious son: it's so cute??????? 4:41 PM - X-Reyes: it runs in the family 4:41 PM - X-Reyes: eph gets her back 4:41 PM - iron bull is my precious son: theres something super endearing abt eph/bull i cant get over it 4:41 PM - iron bull is my precious son: 8))))) 4:41 PM - iron bull is my precious son: well i mean 4:41 PM - iron bull is my precious son: sunny gets herself back 4:41 PM - iron bull is my precious son: she's fucking solas 4:41 PM - X-Reyes: lmfao 4:41 PM - iron bull is my precious son: thats enough embarassment, 4:42 PM - X-Reyes: just. if sunny's with cullen, and cullen walks in on bull/eph 4:42 PM - X-Reyes: or. if sunny has a crush on cullen and eph knows 4:42 PM - X-Reyes: and eph goes up to his sister (after she teases him) and he's like 4:42 PM - X-Reyes: 'cullen /did/ say there's nothing wrong with having a bit of fun' 4:42 PM - X-Reyes: 'you're terrible.' 4:43 PM - iron bull is my precious son: SIBLINGS 4:43 PM - iron bull is my precious son: this kind fo stuff makes me smile so big idk why 4:43 PM - X-Reyes: it's all so cute and fluffy 4:44 PM - iron bull is my precious son: i still cant believe bull is an actual kinkster 4:44 PM - iron bull is my precious son: sometime si forget bc i dont actively think of my faves sex lives 4:44 PM - iron bull is my precious son: but g e e z  e 4:45 PM - iron bull is my precious son: a fucking kinkster 4:45 PM - iron bull is my precious son: my son 4:45 PM - X-Reyes: lol 4:45 PM - X-Reyes: your son turning your other son into a kinkster 4:45 PM - iron bull is my precious son: all my faves are kinksters im happy 4:45 PM - X-Reyes: i can't believe 4:46 PM - iron bull is my precious son: im rewatching bulls romance and he si just 4:46 PM - iron bull is my precious son: so head over heels i love it 4:46 PM - iron bull is my precious son: he legit gets giggly 4:46 PM - iron bull is my precious son: /iron bull/ 4:46 PM - iron bull is my precious son: p l e a s e 4:47 PM - X-Reyes: lmao 4:47 PM - X-Reyes: how does that dragon tooth scene work out 4:47 PM - iron bull is my precious son: https://youtu.be/EQCekHf036o?t=9m40s 4:48 PM - X-Reyes: eph: sunny take me dragon hunting 4:49 PM - X-Reyes: sun: excuse me? 4:50 PM - iron bull is my precious son: im just saying bull is head over heels in luv with eph and thats the cutest i cry abt it all the time 4:50 PM - iron bull is my precious son: his romance minus the sex is just? too cute? 4:50 PM - X-Reyes: why do you ALWAYS do this to me 4:50 PM - iron bull is my precious son: he's so in love i cry all the time 4:50 PM - iron bull is my precious son: <3 4:50 PM - X-Reyes: amna: x is so in love with [sibling] 4:50 PM - X-Reyes: me: oh no 4:51 PM - iron bull is my precious son: HA 4:51 PM - iron bull is my precious son: but it's TRUE?? 4:51 PM - iron bull is my precious son: ok first how can they not love those kids 4:51 PM - iron bull is my precious son: but also look at bull's face and body language like come on!!!!!! he's always like <:) and legit giggle 4:51 PM - iron bull is my precious son: s 4:51 PM - iron bull is my precious son: that dude is in love 4:51 PM - X-Reyes: sunny and eph literally grew up with no one loving them but each other and now they've got so much 4:52 PM - iron bull is my precious son: they just had to find the right ppl <3333 4:52 PM - X-Reyes: an odd twist of fate 4:52 PM - iron bull is my precious son: and the no matter how far apart comes to play here 4:52 PM - iron bull is my precious son: dun dun dun 4:52 PM - iron bull is my precious son: odd twist for sure 4:52 PM - iron bull is my precious son: look @ who's in their beds 4:52 PM - X-Reyes: mama trevelyan hates it but oh well~ 4:53 PM - iron bull is my precious son: i will fight their mother 4:54 PM - iron bull is my precious son: https://youtu.be/EQCekHf036o?t=16m27s 4:54 PM - iron bull is my precious son: i cry all the time 4:54 PM - X-Reyes: i can't get over ib's voice i'm sorry 4:55 PM - iron bull is my precious son: LOOK 4:55 PM - iron bull is my precious son: sometimes i like it 4:55 PM - iron bull is my precious son: most of the time i loathe it 4:55 PM - iron bull is my precious son: but its my son! 4:55 PM - X-Reyes: lmao 4:56 PM - X-Reyes: i still can't get over cullen in that scene 4:56 PM - X-Reyes: 'do you see this?' '(covering face) no' 4:57 PM - iron bull is my precious son: cullen 'totally straight' rutherford 4:57 PM - iron bull is my precious son: cullen is me @ kinksters 4:57 PM - X-Reyes: eph totally teases sunny over it 100%

[gaymafia]

I’m legitimately curious why people didn’t like the last Jedi? I saw it and thought it was okay? Is there something I missed or? Like it wasn’t great but it was passable?

ok so i wasnt gonna do this here bc nobody fucking asked but u asked so thank u but also strap in ur ready for a while ride

TLJ spoilers, obviously. also my issues are going to be numbered in no particular order bc my thoughts on this movie are so fucking scrambled but here we go

1. Kyle Ron. First of all fuck Ryeanne for making me see so many goddamn closeups of Adam Driver’s ugly ass face. I did not need to see all that he is so goddamn ugly especially that fucking shirtless scene where he looks like a block of pasty ass pale wood.

But for real, Kylo Ren. I don’t actually take issue with his existence, because Kyle really does excellently represent rich ass white boys who have everything handed to them but throw a hissy fit when they face the slightest adversity an throw tantrums all the time. It’s nice to see a villain that represents most people real-life nightmares instead of like, a Sexy Temptress or Old Evil Man or whatever. That being said, kyle is not given the villain’s treatment in this movie. if you cut out all the scenes where ryan is not actively sucking adam driver’s dick and jizzing all over himself over kyle’s angsty white boy angst, the movie has virtually no real plot (”oh no we are in space with no fuel, nobody is going to do anything except get mad at each other, miscommunicate, and deliberately make all the characters of color worthless while separating Finn and Poe bc fuck the gays”). So much of the movie is spent not just establishing how kyle became kyle (which is good! backstory for villains is good!), but trying to get us to like, sympathize with him? which is the shitty part. I dont care that Luke “”””tried to kill”’’’ (he didn’t) kyle. kyle had turned to the dark side before luke’s mistake. kyle had a million and one chances to change his mind from the start of TFA to the end of TLJ, and he never did. Kyle is an evil guy. We need one of those. He’s a great evil guy bc he’s got so many shitty qualities. But ryin doesnt want us to hate kyle, even tho hes the villain. why the fuck doesnt reean want us to hate kyle? bc rayan is also a shitty little man who thinks giving ur white boy a sob story makes him a sympathetic villain and sidelining ur characters of color will help.

also again the fucking shirtless scene what the shit man that was so gross

2. Will be broken down into A, B, C, etc. bc TLJ treats its characters of color like SHIT. 

2A. Finn. Finn gets put in a coma bc why would anyone want to write anything interesting for john boyega its not like hes the MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN and the MOST TALENTED ACTOR who is being sidelined bc ryun hates black people. Yeah Finn is totally into Rey and he wants to save her and is willing to desert the rebellion for her. that happened in the first movie but why give your characters real arcs when you can recycle old ones to jerk off to kyle ron. the rose thing happens, shes like “we can disable the tracking” and like TWO SECONDS after he was dead set on desertion he’s totally down to risk his life for the rebellion at rey’s expense? that sure is a quick 180 with no real reason why and no writing to explain it! then there was the whole “separate finn and poe” thing ryain pulled for the shits and giggles.

2B. Rose. I was pretty chill with Rose, she had a dope backstory, her sister was badass, and I liked that they made that connection off the bat. I’m not mad about anything rayn did with her character but i genuinely believe thats only because i havent thought about it enough yet. give me a week and i’ll figure out how rain fucked it up. open to suggestions.

2C. Poe. Full offense but was I supposed to be mad at Poe for coming up with a plan when that bitch Holdo was like “I’m not gonna tell you my plan sit tight and be convinced we are all going to die :)” i legitimately did not understand how I was supposed to be mad at poe for doing what he thought was best for the rebellion after he asked holdo what the plan was and she was deliberately obstinate and refused to even be like “dont worry i have a plan” she was just like. so dumb. Also poe got thrown around a lot and i am A Little Suspicious of how much physical violence he experienced compared to many other characters.

2D. You guessed what was next! The slaps! Super awesome how the two men of color were slapped by white people!!!! So deep!!!!!!! For real tho uh the second time i saw this movie someone in the audience laughed when poe got slapped by space hitler hux and uh??? not funny. not funny or cute or clever to use the guy you built your entire nazi imagery on to slap the one black man on your cast. i dont care if it was supposed to make us “hate hux” or whatever more. i already hated hux reyn. you could have used that screentime in your 3 fucking hour long movie for something valuable, like giving finn a character arc, or literally anything else besides that goddamn slap. i was livid watching that.

and then with leia and poe? i get that part of the conflict was internal in the resistance and one of the major themes was how failure is the best teacher and all that but like? maybe stop physically assaulting all your characters of color? maybe uhhhh at least think about that first??

2E. like i mentioned before one of the obvious themes was how failure is the best teacher so naturally all the major characters had to fail at something, and then learn from their mistake to be better next time. with luke it was fucking up with kyle, with rey it was being naive enough to think kyle could turn, with poe it was the dreadnaught thing, finn was left out of this because raan dooesn give a shit abt finn bc hes a racist bastard, etc. but it was incredibly transparent how all of the white characters’ mistakes meant either personal losses or something small scale with one person, while the mistakes of the characters of color (poe/finn/rose) were all ones that cost the rebellion the vast majority of their forces. rey got out of her fight with kyle and snoke unscathed. luke got a lot of guilt and character development. What did finn poe and rose get? the deaths of like 99% of the resistance on their shoulders. A little too coincidental that even though rey LITERALLY GAVE HERSELF OVER TO SNOKE she was totally fine a-ok no real scars, finn and poe and rose doing their best to save the rebellion while admiral holdo refuses to tell them anything costs the resistance so fucking much. rey does the DUMBEST FUCKING THING with no real consequences and finn and poe and rose try their best and are punished severely for it.

2F. Really convenient how everything finn, poe, and rose did ended up being useless and just cost the rebellion lives, whereas at least rey’s mishap got snoke killed and taught her a lesson. reeeeaaaalllllyyyyyy convenient how finn, poe, and rose’s plan was a huge waste of time. it would have been much better for us to see an actual plot line with them that contributed to the story and their characterizations instead of “send them on a goose chase, make it pointless in the end, physically brutalize them along the way.

3. R*yl* bullSHIT: ryyn had a really fun time with a lot of very rape-y scenes in this movie. the whole force-connection thing with kyle and rey was soooooo uncalled for, it reeked of non-con fantasies, catered to the r*yl*s like nothing ever before, and was so goddamn gross. the obvious invasion of privacy and lack of consent was nasty, using it as a shitty device to make rey “come around” on kyle was NASTY and that whole thing was nasty. i know im not articulating this well but there was so much about that whole thing that bothered me. i just know reyhan was so fucking into it, inserting kyle into rey’s life, forcing her to completely drop all of her characterization in the first movie to suddenly thing kyle can be good, acting as if rey hasnt seen all the shit and known what hes done. the whole thing was gross and a really obvious example of why men shouldn’t be allowed to direct movies.

4. killing snoke was a dumbass fucking mistake. kyle is a tantrum-throwing temper-losing toddler. snoke was evil and mysterious and shit idk. we knew he was powerful as fuck, he looked like a testicle which is a great villain imo, he was the darth sidious and they killed him off while kyle is still in like. ep2!Anakin levels of angst. i get that kyle is already powerful or whatever but like. hes not cold and calculated the way snoke was. kyle is a good villain, but a weak main baddie bc hes dumb as fuck. he let the rebellion get away bc he was pissed at luke. that was dumb as fuck. kyle is ruined by his emotions, and snoke was a scarier main baddie bc he wasnt so fucking dumb lol

5. it was so fucking long. there were so many scenes that could have been cut or shortened. why did we need to see luke milking the tiddy of that weird alien cow thing. why did we need to see kyle ron shirtless. why did we need so many goddamn shots of the fucking porgs.

6. ya the porgs are cute or whatever but like. that whole “look at how sad the cute big-eyes porg is when chewie is eating his friend” thing was so dumb. i dunno why but i hated that the most. that was the worst thing the porgs did. they were cute but like chill disney u know they like ran algorithm after algorithm to make that porg the cutest it could be with science or some bullshit and like? thats dumb.

7. i get that the humor in star wars movies is shifting but i felt like there was too much of it and it was dumb. a lot of the riffs werent funny and there were too many of them for a star wars film. star wars usually doesnt take itself too seriously, but this one was a little too much for me.

8. there were too many plot twists for shock value. the story went on too long. it should have ended earlier but it didnt. i dont know why ryenn decided to have like 6 different climaxes but it was too much. should have let there be one climax buddy. thats it.

9. holdo. besides holdo being the white feminist icon why didnt she just fucking tell poe the plan. why. why was so deliberately obstinate when it was doing no good. like yeah of course poe sent out a crew to try to save the rebellion all u told him to shut up and let you handle it! obvously what she did in the end was badass or whatever but like uh hun next time dont be a piece of shit and then get mad when people react to you being a piece of shit. i would have been okay with all that happening if holdo wasnt treated like some hero who never made any mistakes. she did make a mistake, and that was refusing to tell poe what her plan was when she knew he was absolutely the type to do whatever he could to save the rebellion whether he had her permission or not. also apparently holdo is a lesbian or bi or not straight or something in like the comics or whatever and like 1. classic bury ur gays but also 2. no more word of god gay characters if a character is not gay in the movies i will not give you the gay cred for it sorry homophobes

10. i didnt buy the story w luke and kyle at lukes jedi training facility or whatever. surprisingly, i was ok with lukes story line and character development, and actually agreed with it for the most part, but i just like. i dunno i didnt feel like that was something luke would do. not because luke is infallible (even tho he is my gay dad who has never done anything wrong ever) but because the entire original trilogy is luke believing darth vader could be saved. and while im not opposed to luke changing his mind about whether or not everyone could be turned away from the dark side (luke was young and optimistic in the original trilogy, and as he grew older he would learn more about the jedi and their history like the whole speech he gave rey about how the jedi have to end bc theyre lowkey shitty). i actually kind of liked luke’s hot take on the jedi, because it was lowkey my hot take on the jedi (esp the prequels jedi who were shitty as Fuuuuuck but we are ignoring the prequels for now lbr) but also because i could believe it was a view luke would come to as he aged. but impulsively drawing his lightsaber to kill kyle before he had actually done anything bad, after suspecting that kyle had darkness in him for a while, even though he felt like he had failed? it just didnt feel like luke to me. i felt more like raeyn had chosen that particular backstory to try to make kyle a more sympathetic villain rather than give a believable and in-character back story for the characters. i understand that luke’s failure ultimately has to lead to the creation of kyle ron in this story line, but that didnt feel like the right failure to me. maybe this is just me being nitpicky but that felt off to me too and i dont know if i can quite pinpoint why.

11. rey was a dumbass fucking bitch in this movie. rey could not be a dumbass fucking bitch to survive as a scavenger who was orphaned at birth on jakku. rey would have had to be smart and not as fucking DUMB as she was in this movie. now im getting heated so i cant articulate this well but she just did so many dumb things that anybody who had to raise themselves would have never done. she would never have delivered herself over to kyle ron like what a dumb fucking idea. who wrote this goddamn movie. fuck u ryeen.

12. why did yoda come back as a force ghost. where is anakins force ghost. he would be so fucking pissed at kyle right now. he would be mad as hell. he would have ended this thing. he would have called kyle out like the shitdickbitch he is and put him in his place. i get that yoda is more like ancient and orginal star wars jedi knowledge shit or whatever and like more of an authority on the jedi but like anakin is off in like force ghost hawaii drinking force ghost martinis while his shitty fucking grandson is being a piece of shit?? nah man anakin would have shut that shit down they better bring him back for ep IX and i expect hayden christensen himself to show up to bitch at kyle about what a fucking dumbass he is.

tbh theres probably more like i know there’s a ton of little things i hated but as scathing as this review is there were things i liked. visually speaking it was a very beautiful movie when we werent getting atrocious close ups of adam drivers ugly ass face. i originally hated but have come to appreciate the darker tone, since it mirrors the mood of TESB in that the rebellion seems dead but obviously isnt bc this is star wars. i liked luke. i dunno. i had a lot of issues with the movie obviously. to be quite honest i cant actually think of anything else i liked atm which is telling.

anyway if anybody actually reads this long ass fucking post feel free to respond with what you hated abt TLJ

[identitycris1s]

im back

hi just thought id pop in with a status update! maybe i’ll break this down into categories. feel like im doing an email update (ew!) but this rly is probs the best way to structure this post...

work / school (?)

work has been....aite. idk what to say. idk if i have unrealistic expectations of what work is supposed to be, but the idealist in me thinks its wrong to not even try and find something that seems meaningful / is deeply fulfilling. i think im mature enough to get that work isnt supposed to be fun / exciting every single day but bro this daily grind / sense of dread / utter disinterest / feeling of futility / frustration / disenchantment surely isnt the correct state of affairs.....at least let me try and find something that is a better fit, thats more stimulating, that feels more NATURAL to me? i just dont think im cut out to be a lawyer. sure i sometimes like arguing and making my point and i like that everyone i work with is smart and interesting and generally kind and reasonable and i like the prestige of the job and feeling like ppl respect me and i like the decent pay and the humane hours but.....i feel unmotivated to be a good lawyer. i think i find it difficult / disingenuous to always 100% get behind my client and advocate for their best interests. i tend to see things from a zoomed out perspective, like WHY are we fighting, WHY cant we just settle, WHY are the claimants pursuing this absolutely crap and unmeritorious claim and WHY do we have to defend it when its stupid and bound to fail (cos access2justice i guess but still, WHY), WHY cant we just hash things out in a meeting instead of sending emails here and there and wasting time, WHY do we have to answer stupid questions, WHY WHY WHY

and i think public policy is sort of an answer to that....i think theres more questioning of why we do things and why a policy will or will not work, in a macro sense - what is good for society at large. whereas in law (at least in litigation) its how can we just move this case forward and help the client, which is often not the most productive thing to do in a macro sense - very much a zero sum game. i get that shitty / unmeritorious claims still need to be defended against and someone has to do it and I GET IT but i just dont think i want to be that person defending these claims...or bringing them for that matter.....ultimately i cant fully / sincerely separate the overarching sense of futility from the duty to do a good job.

sigh. well at least ive kind of figured out this isnt for me. which is scary cos being a lawyer in this firm is pretty much a career for life - truly an iron rice bowl, i could probably make partner in maybe 4 or 5 years and live a comfortable upper middle class life...but i cant bring myself to do that. i cant bring myself to not give myself a shot at doing something i actually find interesting, stimulating and that i care about deeply. call me crazy! we’ll see where this brings me in 5 years’ time....:) 

anyway most ppl at work (at least in my team) know that im most likely gonna leave soon. i rly only told 2 ppl (my boss cos he had to sign off on my testimonial and G cos she was quitting anyway)...but somehow ppl found out one way or another. i dont rly mind and ppl have been taking it pretty well and have been kind and encouraging (i guess why would they not take it well, im hardly indispensable) but i get a bit antsy thinking - what if i dont get in...then what? do i just put my head down and continue here (BUT IM SO SAD) or do i just quit without any prospects and try to find a policy-ish job??

idk. will have faith that God will put me where I need to be. he is in control of it all and I BELIEVE THIS !!! I am just a bit scared that his plan is different from what i  think i want....but this is just my human instinct and i know in my head that there is no reason to be scared cos his plan is always the better one. head knowledge just needs to translate to heart understanding and real trust / faith.

ermmm relationships...???

i started using...cmb...idk why i find this so cringey. i guess about a year ago i couldnt imagine doing this and i kept thinking EW what if ppl i know see me and they think im a desperate saddo who cant find a bf irl and has to resort to an app EW shes so lame and ugly and gross. and i realised that is so stupid no one actually thinks that way and its very backward and dumb and insecure of me to be thinking that. and anyway as i get older i rly dont quite give a shit what ppl think of me (at least i tell myself that....)

i suppose i was also inspired by csm who has been quite actively using apps and meeting ppl and taking real..strides..(LOL) in her dating life. i used to tell myself hey God will provide u with a mans if he wants u to be with a mans. but also God can use an app to do that...and if i dont step out in faith that he will do something and i dont take any action at all, how is God gonna work?? should i sit at home and expect a man to fall into my lap??

for some ppl it has been way easier, e.g. my parents meeting in uni and falling i love. i always wanted that - the organic relationship, the meet-cute, the friends to lovers thing. (i guess i tried that last one before and it didnt work...) but i think theres no point in romanticising relationships anymore. thats a very modern thing to do and its not necessarily a good thing? like who’s to say a relationship that had organic beginnings is intrinsically better than one that started from an app?

anyway i havent had much luck haha i think its hard to find genuine GCBs (or maybe theyre just not attracted to me....) although recently ive been talking to this one guy B for a week or two and its been...ok i guess. hes rly nice and seemed cool at first - we talked about travelling and hamilton and the office, which was a good start. he is thoughtful and kind and doesnt seem to be put off by my very slow replies (he replies so fast......its stressful a bit) and he does the whole good morning text thing (which i frankly find a bit bizarre, we barely know each other..?? and ive never even met him irl.. but its sweet i guess :))

but DUDE his english seems to be not great - at least thats the impression i get from texting him. which is an issue for me. i dont want it to be BUT IT IS...first red flag was when he said some weird thing about not wanting to wear a mask at work (not a literal mask - like he didnt know if he could be his ‘true self’) and the wording was very strange. then he said “the weekends are almost here” ?? the weekend is not a plural though? then he used the wrong tense a few times and his apostrophe usage was wrong (”Gods’ love” - bro there is one God). he also uses way too many commas which irks me.

i mean i get that text is supposed to be an informal medium - come on look at this post, there r hardly any capital letters and plenty of short forms and hardly any apostrophes but u see its CONSISTENT and its obviously cos of laziness / convenience - but i think his problem is a bit different...u can sort of tell if someone doesnt have a 100% strong grasp of english. those r basic grammar mistakes man...i get that i sound petty and stupid and this isnt a huge deal but i feel like im settling by even talking to him cos this is not something i wld normally tolerate but hey maybe im getting desperate with age :(:(:( urgh 

on the other hand maybe i just need to be more generous with ppl and l have an irrationally high standard for english cos i am a lawyer and my friends all speak well / text well?? maybe im just being too nitpicky?? honestly hes very nice  and communicative and straightforward and seems mature and very God-fearing and idk why hes still talking to me cos ive been a bit cold and slow to respond. hes very patient which i dont rly deserve.....i myself have a million flaws that are probably way worse and egregious (ahem PRIDE...ahem ego....ie the source of this dilemma in the first place...) so maybe i should just close one eye abt the bad grammar.

i also realised how fked up i am - confirmed my suspicion that i am naturally attracted to emotionally unavailable ppl / ppl that just seem distant / out of reach (thats my avoidant attachment style right there). i think there was one day he didnt text me at all and omg...i couldnt stop thinking what i did wrong...like did i piss him off by being too cold for too long...did he get scared off cos i said i wanted to do a masters (idk this seemed like an irrational leap but i was being irrational)..then i started being nicer to him and replied more promptly hahaha turns out he was just rly bz at work that day. omg this pattern is real i think i did this with xj also - was eager to speak when he was in japan but after meeting irll i was just over it... (i am drawn to distance like a moth to a flame and i am repelled by availability like....a fire by a fire extinguisher (??)). yucks i rly hate myself sometimes but yknow what at least im self aware and im trying to fix this...kind of.. gonna hash this avoidant thing out with my therapist at the next sesh.

on the topic of xj i got a bit nostalgic and wondered why we stopped speaking (surprise surprise it was my fault, didnt reply then felt it had been left to long to pick it up again...) went back to look at our texts and aw we rly got along so well, i do miss him as a friend and im sorry about how poorly i treated him especially in dec 2018 / jan 2019 sigh.....i was a real bitch....

anyway im just gonna see how things go with B... if he asks me out i prob will go... just to give it a shot. update if / when that happens!

EDIT - he asked me out lol we shall see how it goes. 

[yeobai]

Planning WILD 4hr

Okay so I really like the idea of YJ asking why did you stop? And SY continues. The question is when SY gives in and YJ fucks her senselessly. After SY cums twice. How does on finish YJ off. I kept thinking just how exactly to fuck her lmao. So I can paint the whole picture

i like YJ flipping SY and fucks her senselessly and maybe she’s already close after making SY comes twice? and maybe she gets closer when SY starts begging her

people can also cum from the other end of strap - coz the friction and maybe YJ is the kind who gets off by giving others pleasure aksjakaj

Okay takes intensive notes haha

what do u mean exactly by SY ‘giving in’ btw?

She begs.

ogay so we're on the same page

yea I can see YJ just flipping her - so she's the top now and fucks her senselessly they can cum together

Coming together and cumming  together iconic(edited)

lmao the ideal that can happen - or SY can help her to cum after that

Alright so let the paint the whole picture. I know what happens in middle and the end but how did we get here. Aka I'm in charge you do all the work.

the one in charge is YJ right? power bottom

Mhm

(lmao im still trying to process YJ fully bottomingm, Im-)

Please collect yourself. It was a lot for me to imagine too. maybe there's somekind of power struggle in the beginninng

and SY shoves YJ to the bed

and just climbs her at firsr

when YJ wants to flip her, SY resists

＿＿

Okay starting with a playful vibe...

So picture it, their bed, it's night. SY shoves YJ to the bed. They start kissing and as it escalates flips them and the SY pouts.

Bruh please tell me why my brain wants her to dead ass say, I want to be on top. Haha brain is doing the most

or maybe whe YJ wants to flip them, SY shoves her again to the bed, "Stay there."　 Cause right now nothing would be fucking hotter than her "lightly" grasping her neck and pulling her in for a kiss but I digress sjsgshdkdj

when SY finally gives inn　before YJ flips them

Now so SY climbs on top? Or is she already on top when she tells yj to stay put.

she's already on top I guess?

so she shoves YJ, climb and straddle her (so she's on top now), they make out, and it gets hot YJ wants to flip them but SY resists

So basically I need to set the space where YJ literally decides not to move lmao. I'm trying to connect the stars. Maybe she takes it as a challenge when SY tells her to stay put. But then i feel like it's projecting cause im purposely problematic sksksk

ok but does power bottom also means that she gives her a detailed order 'what to do'

i need to revisit the concept of pwer bottom tbh lmao

Seeeeeee that's the thing ime power btms are talkative af and I just couldn't see it. Lmaoooo

right, maybe we dont assign roles here but just　 focus on the action dem activity maybe we can list down what can happen: - SY riding YJ

I was thinking SY just handcuffs one of her hand to the headboard lmao but that's for another time.　or maybe use her tie lol　 Omg, omｇ　I like it. I like it alot. So SY tells her stay put and she stradding her and she starts particularly undressing YJ and she uses the tie to restrain just one of YJs hands.　This is a mood skskssksk

just one or both bc, ”no touching”

One just in case SY wants to voluntarily use the free hand to touch... herself adagshsjs

like, it doesnt matter if SY use YJ’s hand on herself or on Young Jin , Im into it aksjakaj

Lmaooooo we on the same page

i have that kink when u just guide ur partner’s hand like that akskakaj

Lmaooooo we on the same page

Suave-AlpacaYesterday at 10:45 PM

but its very hot if SY just ‘borrow her hand’ like that

and guide it between her legs

while whispering sth into her ear (im still thinking what lmao)(edited)

anyway what if SY wears lingerie

[

10:52 PM

]

and thats why she keeps YJ down there

[

10:52 PM

]

coz she wants the other woman to enjoy the view

ihyuniYesterday at 10:55 PM

Ah okay SY is already ready for bed when YJ comes home in uniform and SY is wearing something a little special. Okay issa vibe.

Suave-AlpacaYesterday at 10:55 PM

maybe with YJ's coat outside?

[

10:55 PM

]

just to hide her lingerie inside?

[

10:55 PM

]

lmao

[

10:55 PM

]

RIP Young Jin

ihyuniYesterday at 10:55 PM

You and this coat kink lmao

Suave-AlpacaYesterday at 10:55 PM

its a look

[

10:57 PM

]

also - its practical to just, take off the coat for the 'big reveal' lmao

ihyuniYesterday at 10:58 PM

I'm think lingerie but modest aka something like a slip design but very short lol.

[

10:58 PM

]

The first question why are you wearing my coat in bed lmaooooo

Suave-AlpacaYesterday at 10:59 PM

well she waits from the living room

ihyuniYesterday at 11:03 PM

But see if we do that we need connect A (them in the living room) to B (them getting to the bedroom. Let's focus on breaking backs like glow sticks lol

Suave-AlpacaYesterday at 11:04 PM

akdsjgalkg

[

11:04 PM

]

i thought they can just make out all the way there

[

11:05 PM

]

their place is very simple, its just a few steps from the living room to the bed

ihyuniYesterday at 11:07 PM

Well when you set it up like that it's impossible to say not to want it hahah.

[

11:08 PM

]

Yes I can see this bumping into the wall. Giggling. Okayyyyy

Suave-AlpacaYesterday at 11:08 PM

yep, cute

[

11:08 PM

]

and when they arrive in the room, SY shove YJ to the bed asap

ihyuniYesterday at 11:10 PM

Forget lingerie what when YJ comes home she's wearing one of her work shirts. Thirst 3636537%

Suave-AlpacaYesterday at 11:10 PM

yes that too

[

11:10 PM

]

can be both tbh hahahah

[

11:10 PM

]

the white shirt

[

11:10 PM

]

only the white shirt

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11:10 PM

]

and its kinda too long - so its a look

ihyuniYesterday at 11:11 PM

Lmaoooo or she pulls a wifey and layers but I like only the white shirt

Suave-AlpacaYesterday at 11:14 PM

lmao

[

11:14 PM

]

i thnk SY would look great wearing YJ's only white shirt tho lmao

ihyuniYesterday at 11:17 PM

I have received the thirst message loud and clear lol.

Suave-AlpacaYesterday at 11:18 PM

alsfjglajg

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11:18 PM

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sry I just have a thing with white shirt lsadjglsadgj

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11:20 PM

]

ok so

ihyuniYesterday at 11:21 PM

Oh I thought you were stressing that there was nothing underneath asghfxj

Suave-AlpacaYesterday at 11:21 PM

yea but also the white shirt

[

11:21 PM

]

a sight

ihyuniYesterday at 11:21 PM

Lmaoooooo got it.

Suave-AlpacaYesterday at 11:23 PM

ok but what happens after SY borrows YJ's hand

[

11:23 PM

]

aslgdj

[

11:24 PM

]

tbh imo guiding ur partner's hand would be hotter if they're blindfolded but this is not the case here aksdjgajg

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11:24 PM

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bc SY wants her to see

ihyuniYesterday at 11:29 PM

Um did we reach this place yet lmao. I just remembered her tying the hand. We brainstormed the thirst lmao

Suave-AlpacaYesterday at 11:29 PM

yep

not yet hahah

yea tie her hand only

ihyuniYesterday at 11:33 PM

Oooh I know you said the white shirt is a vibe but it's even more of a hit when its open so maybe she unbuttons it in a few but we'll insert later.

Suave-AlpacaYesterday at 11:33 PM

maybe after YJ got tied up bruh

ihyuniYesterday at 11:34 PM

Brain is slowly melting rn so then

Suave-AlpacaYesterday at 11:34 PM

like after she tie one of YJ's hand

[

11:35 PM

]

(with her tie)

[

11:35 PM

]

SY unbuttons 1-2 buttons

ihyuniYesterday at 11:35 PM

We forgot something important lol.

Suave-AlpacaYesterday at 11:35 PM

the strap?

[

11:35 PM

]

ksadgkjdsagjadsg

Yes, the freaking strap.

ok so before SY shoves YJ to bed

[

11:37 PM

]

she unbuttons YJ's pants first

[

11:37 PM

]

and puts the strap on her?

ihyuniYesterday at 11:39 PM

We generally fix this error later. Let's skip back down lol

asdlkgalgj

[

11:39 PM

]

honestly if SY just rly want to mess up with YJ, she just tie her up and fuck herself givin a show

Anywho so say she goes the whole 9 yards and pleasures herself while on top of YJ even using YJ'S hand the whole shangbang. After she cums... (???)  [YJ is like untie me right now]

"I'm not done with you."

(ok YJ looks mighty fine on screen and my thirst goes off the chart)(edited)

Then a stride for a magical ride.

ya

SY just tugs the strap

before she positions herself at the right spot and takes it all slowly　 Ｂut I digress so when SY starts to get close and YJ can tell. SY can barely keep her eyes open, maybe YJ reaches over and unties her hand but doesn't act. She's waiting... hmmm

what if SY is into choking and she use YJ's other hand to choke herself lmao while riding her

I'm going to need you to log out for me baby. This is a mess. I can't focus skskshdh

ok but its a sight at least lajgdlakdsjg

It is. Every is a sight cause the white shirt is open,  her hair is probably in her eyes, and the moans are probably nonstop And i am not okay--'

like maybe at first YJ just use her hand to touch YJ around her chest (because the shirt is open) and SY just guide her free hand up and up to her neck, to choke her

The way you're trying to casually slip this in is fucking me up

i mean choking is valid 

maybe SY would start slow, and YJ's hand would just roam around SY's skin - I mean her shirt is just hanging open and YJ just can't resist untl SY puts YJ's hand on her neck like that

"Tell me what to do."

Okay, Ill embrace this. Slowly. Bruh please tell me why my brain just hit that double rated R

(me, zooming on KSH's hands for research now

Im screaming sksgskdvsjd

because choking? asldjglkdsagj

No because earlier she came on YJs hand and my brain was like she put YJ's fingers in her mouth and I have ascended

Maybe SY drags YJ's hand up and up to her mouth so she can taste herself first

We both need to log out jesus

go all out

This is it. The porn of all porns we have composed lmao

but if SY rly wants YJ to watch maybe she sometimes leans back

so u know - its a clear view down therｅ(plus its more torturous for YJ because her free hand can't really reach So Yeon?)　wait maybe she can, asdlkgasglj i cant functioｎ　but anyway she's not close enough to YJ and its torturous enough for YJ lmao

Okay, image noted.

so maybe the choking happens after that lmao

Alright let's progress before I lose what little conscious sense I have left.

Are we still doing the "beg" vibe. After YJ YJ unties her hand when SY is clearly close.

im into it personally

[

12:26 AM

]

if we went with SY "tell me what to do."

[

12:26 AM

]

(while choking)

ihyuniToday at 12:29 AM

Okay, the choking has  a permanent place

Suave-AlpacaToday at 12:29 AM

(what would YJ say)

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12:29 AM

]

"Fuck me."

[

12:29 AM

]

but is it in character?

[

12:30 AM

]

then SY has the ride of her life

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12:30 AM

]

(while YJ's choking her)

ihyuniToday at 12:32 AM

Sis wouldn't say fuck me, that's your brain talking.

Suave-AlpacaToday at 12:32 AM

which is why im double asking lmao

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because that doesnt seem like her character

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(but its hot so)

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anyway

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what would she say

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what would prompt SY to ride her like there's no tomorrow

[jewel-s-blog]

about me + bias list

 hi there, I’m jewel :)

she/her/hers ・ 20 ・ kpop (writing) blog

Yes, Jewel is my real name although my parents admit I was supposed to be named elizabeth but changed their minds last minute after I was born how cute and I’m currently in university. I study political science and japanese for those wondering (because yes, I am japanese and it’s helpful when you live in hawaii to have that degree yk?). If any of this stuff is even mildly interesting and you have any curiosities, pls feel free to ask me!

I try to write some things when I can, so feel free to take a look at my masterlist. I also read A LOT of fics on this site, so also peep my recs if you feel like it. Warning: its mostly fluff and angst and almost always includes smut but there’s some really good stuff worth reading still! 

Feel free to talk to me :) i don’t have any kpop friends irl :( all my friends are locals smh 

I try my hardest to be active as much as possible but it’s taken me over a year to finally get used to tumblr lol marklee and i both struggle with complex technology i guess Of course, there are times when I get busy with college and will probably seem to drop off the face of the planet exam season kills but now that I’ve been in quarantine for a month, I figured now is the best time to start building an active tumblr routine. 

That’s all for now! Keep reading below for my bias list :)

xoxo, jewel <3

Bias List 

Before I begin, I will warn that this is basically a giant NCT shxtpost. With LOTS of hyperlinks for educational purposes and absolute crackhead-ery. I’ll eventually make a separate list for other groups I stan, but this blog is mainly NCT and this is already so long so I’ll leave it as this. Enjoy!

Biases are bolded in the beginning of each unit, so you can skip everything after if you don’t wanna see my ramblings following it.

A/N: After biasing nearly every member in NCT/WayV I’ve settled for now on my biases for each unit. This will most likely rotate fairly regularly as I literally fall in love with a different member every day cited here. solo stan? I don’t know her.

ULT

Jaehyun  *ahem excuse me i mean* 

Johnny Suh, it’s official. Don’t know how to explain, but I love everything about him. In the end, it’s always him. damn i sound like y/n thoughts but istg it’s true From SM Rookies to NCT Life to MV behinds, he’s the one. But I’ve also come to realize that I find myself most relatable to him as a person and I think that’s why no one else can trump him wow narcissist much jewel It’s kind of just my gut feeling. It also helps that hes the fluffiest tall, muscular tight booty hottie on the planet. See this black on black dance practice for further scientific explanation even in this jaehyun trying to wreck me so badddddd

Not gonna lie, I HAD IT BAD FOR MARK LEE still do and yet Johnny overcame that. If mark lee were my first love, johnny is my soulmate.

UPDATE! 

Lee Jeno has officially been added to the ult list. *See the entirety of my april activity on my sns accounts if you would like to see how this happened haha :)

NCT U  

im in love with him bc he literally reminds me of my boyfriend -- i like chill guys ok

Taeil is my little teddy bear who looks great in red hair and has a voice form heaven. Evidence? Here you go. He didn’t stand out to me much in the beginning because I was either deaf or blind but after Chain, the game was OVER. +moon taeil in shorts?? serve them thighs honey. Love you bebe tomato <3

BUT Doyoung is the #1 bias wrecker here because have you seen his cover of beautiful on masked singer?? have you?? if not, let me educate you. Also his collab with Sejeong?? Literally the cutest MV ever, perfect for Christmas, listened to it every year since it’s release.

Listen to Coming Home - NCT U for further scientific evidence that NCT has top vocals in the kpop industry.

NCT 127

THE Jung Jaehyun. For reasons that need no explanation. but ill give it anyway smh

After watching the performance of herin and jaehyun singing a whole new world I knew that was it for me. (I still watch it once a month for my jaehyun-related health and to honor SM’s biggest loss, seo herin and ji hansol but thats for another conversation) back to jaehyun His vocals are unique in NCT and bring a nice color to their songs, the man looks good in literally anything, and I’ll probably say this about every member, but I love his dance style--body rolls for days sis. Definitely my ideal type, which my boyfriend is 100% aware of; no secrets in my relationship ofc which explains the wreckage. Pretty sure 81% of the fandom gets wrecked by him daily, so I think I’ll stop here. 

NCT Dream 

Renjun.  why? i just think he’s neat but no really, it was this performance (ok actually this got me ALL SORTS OF WRECKED) and this fancam that had me falling in love with him but were gonna ignore the fact that I get bias wrecked DAILY by all the other members  GOd-tier vocals, personality for daysssssss, variety KING HUANG RENJUN. Safe to claim that I go into renjun feels about 3x a week. Check my twitter for proof. +dnyl renjun was a blessing and I sometimes cant believe that it actually happened. How do I explain?? He’s literally the best boy, but when he gets all worked up....let’s stop there before I have to go to confession again.

But for fun, lets list why I have biased every dream member at some point shall we? (in no particular order) Dream might just be my ult group, songs always bop, members at star quality 

mark- yes i am including mark bc he was the reason i even started stanning dream dreamies leader since mmc days, mentor, A1 rap skills, ad libs go crazy, unparalleled dancing style, hardest worker, cutest watermelon advocate ever, all around amazing person can you tell he used to be my ult? + he’s a good christian boy and my catholic *ss has to confess my sins for being a simp for him 24/7

chenle- vocal GOD, most steady live vocals in kpop, laugh to die for

jeno- i cannot resist his eye smile i wanna cuddle and onstage charisma-2:54 “let’s goooooo” and i alskfdfjlkdldkfa. 

jaemin- “other than my members, i don’t have any friends” and yet he’s literally the most caring and wonderful little puff in existence fight me pls dont im a pacifist 

heachan- idk why but donghyukie feels like he could be my best friend and also cant stop staring at him in their dance practices his body proportions are unreal and his vocal ad libs?? don’t even get me STARTED on heachans vocals

jisung- he is my son, but also my son’s vocals?? MWAH that voice got me second guessing if he’s really my son 

WayV 

Ten Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul another member where it kinda just....happened? In the end I was like “damn, when did you sneaky bugger get in my heart?” He’s got a similar vibe as Johnny AND DO NOT COME FOR MY THROAT FOR SAYING THAT THATS MY OPINION Like Johnny, I see myself in Ten. There are so many reasons why I love Ten, so I’ll make it simple and provide them to you. 

Reason 1 - Performance/dance  he just hit different, he’s THAT good. Reason 2 - vocals the amount his vocals has improved?? UNMATCHED. Reason 3 - INTELLECTUAL (still trying to find the clip of him talking about different kinds of love) Reason 4 - multi-lingual KING ok so this vid is him struggling in mandarin, but imagine, you speak thai and english and learn korean to debut and all of a sudden your agency says “ok learn chinese now.” MANDARIN IS ONE OF THE HARDEST LANGUAGES TO LEARN. Reason 5 - bad b*tch he just radiates bad bitxh energy in everything he does, and I appreciate a bad bitxh

BUT I love wayv’s chaotic energy and chemistry so much that I literally love them all dreamies watch out 

+special shoutout to xiaojuns vocals in Love Talk

+kun being a dimpled zaddy (jaehyun&kun type CONFIRMED)

+lucas holding binoculars like THAT @ 1:10

+yangx2 doing THIS (prepare to be blown away)

+hendery being a the best teacher 

+winwin BEING WINWIN THE DANCE GOD 

+winwin AGAIN and with Ten here i don’t even think i have to say that i tweeted about this everyday for a month and im still not over it. This specific dance really allowed winwin to shine even though ten is my bias. It really allowed others to see the fruit of his classical training even in modern dance which he never trained in. Not gonna be repetitive and SCREAM  say that he’s underrated, because we all know that already. Just show winwin some love, ok? thank you.

And so finally, we’ve reached the end. Phew, this took me almost 5 hours to put together because I definitely got carried away. For those who made it all the way to the end, thank you, I love you. It’s so messy and I don’t have the mental capacity to do anymore editing but I hope you got something from this massive post <3 Feel free to let me know what you think! xoxo, jewel

[nakamuto]

mutuals appreciation! write heart-felt messages to some of your favorite mutuals (or even ones you haven't talked to yet!) and tag them, BUT don't tell them which message is theirs, let them guess! after you're done, send this to 1 mutual you want to get a message from! 💌

this ask has been sitting in my inbox for 2 days bcbwqbbw i’ll try to not make it awkward hahaha,,, TuTTT (omg i got this twice im sorry ive been procrastinating)

@taeiloves @doyoukki @haecha​  @1aeyong @dovounq @softlyqentle @neocity 

under the cut:

a. you’re always so kind and nice,,, like you’re just so nice and patient with everyone? how did i even go from being mutuals > mutuals + anon > your friend honestly ;u; anyways I like you a lot as a friend and i appreciate all your endless effort in creating quality content for the community like idek how you do it everyday,,, i hope you dont stress yourself out too often TnT my long lost neighbour i hope you’ll be able to hear me scream from my window one day

b. you really have golden hands,,, everything you make is incredibly beautiful,, like LITERALLY masterpieces.. it’s also amazing how we’re in the same fandoms (like only 2 but yEAH) ;u;;; i feel very comfortable talking to you and every time you’re online i know that im getting quality content on my dash again :’DD please sleep early i know i say that sleep is an irrelevant concept but wELL,,, YOU’RE A CHILD AND U GOTTA !! you’re working hard, good luck

c. why would I leave you out of this,, even if you’re not super active here for now.. my one true soulmate..one that tolerates my bullshit and rambles well,,, i cherish you a lot because it’s so hard to have someone of the same wavelength as you and our thinking are so similar and we click incredibly well???? ,,, well talk about the countless jinx moments hahaha i think you’re an absolutely amazing person always trying to better yourself and i think i can learn a lot from you,,, i will pray for you everyday and i love you so much x 10000000 (u know i dont like to use ilu too excessively but for you I WILL),,,,

d. there’s something mysterious about you,,in a good way,, i always get that vibe im not sure why but whenever i see you appearing in my notifs im all :’’’’DDDDD

e. we’re literally one and the same,, like how is it even possible ;u;;; im still amazed at the fact that we’re so alike..from our biases and music tastes and even our age and also our thoughts/feelings on some people/issue. Talking to you is like talking to myself :’) im glad we got to talk quite a bit these days,, also have i told you that ive admired you since my svt days,,, ive seen quite a fair bit of your quality™ creations and i hope they’ll make a comeback soon,,, bless up buddy!!!!!

f. you’re a very sincere person,, i haven’t known you for very long but i like your gentle and sweet personality it calms me down somehow. thank you for talking to me first tbh im a bit on the introverted side and im lame so :::))) so now you know that you’ve signed up for more lame convos hahahah,,, everything about you is cute tbh the way you caption your gifs and your icon (its my fav pic of ur bias owbcbwcb) im happy to have known you now i have someone to ramble about your bias with hehe maybe one day i’ll be like yuta too

g.  hi queen!!!!!!!! you’re really sweet and kind,, and you’re good at what you’re doing,, and you’re really smart too TuT like,,,how can someone sc*ence. still cant believe we almost became uni mates (if u still remember) I respect you a lot for your dedication and i think you’re someone who knows how to get along with many different people,,there’s a phrase in chinese to describe this it’s called “很会做人” which is usually used to describe someone as very tactful and i think that’s very fitting for you,,,which is like,,, really cool. please continue to bless us with more quality stuff im always looking forward!!!