#also this is not relevant but I spent so fucking long on that gif

[ravensofskyhold]

Ruoska 2nd verse analysis

Aka why there's a reference to a 20+ year-old sports scandal in this song that on the surface is about BDSM.

(Fuck you Kä for making me write a 1500+ word analysis on a reference in one verse of a song and also for forcing me to learn more about Lahti 2001 than I've ever wanted. /j)

Okay, I was already having thoughts about the second verse of Ruoska, which has lots of references to the doping controversy of FIS Nordic World Ski Championships held in Lahti in 2001 aka the biggest sports doping scandal in Finland. The MV gave new context for that part and made the use of the whole reference make a lot more sense to me, enough to develop those thoughts into a semi-coherent analysis (I'm not kidding about this being semi-coherent, I've spent most of the day writing this. You've been warned.).

This analysis does require me to talk about The Lahti 2001 doping scandal a lot. I’ve decided to focus on what I remember from the aftermath of it, especially the Finnish public opinion and reaction, as it is the most relevant part of it for this analysis. So if you’re not familiar with the topic, I recommend reading a short summary of the facts which can be found here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FIS_Nordic_World_Ski_Championships_2001#Doping_controversy

In the MV, there’s this about 20s pause between the first chorus and the second verse, where the song just stops and people looking at their phones form a circle at the edges of the spotlight (where Käärijä and Erika are) and hate comments aimed at both of them are shown on screen.

After the pause, we get the second verse:

“Lunta on tullut tupaan niin paljon et tarvii sukset / Gotten so much snow in the house that I need skis

On luokkaa Kari-Pekka nää ahdistukset / At level with Kari-Pekka with these anxieties

Et taloyhtiössä on kosteudenmittaukset/ That the housing cooperative takes humidity measurements

Kun rappukäytävän portailla on hemon virtaukset/ When there's massive tides* on the stairs in the stairway”

[link/credits to the translation]

*added context to this line that gets lost in translation is that the substance flowing down the stairs in the stairway is called “hemo” in the original lyrics. Now, I’ve interpreted it to be either blood/hemoglobin or Hemohes (which is the brand(?) name of the banned blood plasma expander substance that people were caught using in the Lahti 2001 doping scandal. Either way, this detail is relevant enough for this analysis.

-----

The idiom "tulla lunta tupaan" (to get snow in the house/living room) means to get misfortune, but I think I've seen it also used to mean getting (excessive) adversity/criticism for something (wrong) you've done (from the public, usually).

There certainly is something fucked up and rather telling that from what I’ve seen, many of Finnish fans old enough to remember Lahti 2001 (me included) needed only to hear "skis" and "Kari-Pekka" to get the doping scandal reference. After all, this is a rather subtle (as in, only Kari-Pekka Kyrö’s, one of the head coaches of the ski team, first name is mentioned in the song!) reference to a scandal that happened over 20 years ago. But it also tells you how big of a deal that doping scandal was for Finns, especially since it happened in cross-country skiing aka one of our pride and joy sports, and how much (perceived) shame was involved on national level.

And oh boy, did that sense of national shame get projected back to the public opinion about the people involved in the scandal. The scandal did have massive and long-lasting repercussions on the careers and the reputations of the people involved in Finland, way beyond the official disqualifications and suspensions. These people went from being celebrated athletes and ski team members that everyone was proud of to being mostly, or even only, remembered for being caught using doping. Their past (and future) achievements suddenly didn’t either matter anymore or, thanks to the doping scandal, were regarded with suspicion.

There’s also a layer added to this by the media’s role and involvement in all this that I’m not going to get into here. Only thing from the media side I’m going to point out is that big part of kicking off this incident was the investigation and subsequent article by Helsingin Sanomat crime journalist that revealed damning evidence of the systematic use of doping substances in the Finnish ski team.

The point is, yes they did wrong, and yes they did deserve the (official) consequences to their careers and a hit in their public images, but everything else? The figurative lashing (pun intended) they got from the media and the public? The media and the public refusing to forget and move on from that incident years after the fact and in the process probably not letting them move on from it properly, either? Being remembered only for your mistakes? That was excessive, way out of proportion to what the crime in question was.

Bringing this back to the song, the MV, and the artists:

This reference, especially with the MV context just made me think of the topic of public opinion of celebs and how quickly it can turn against you, even if you’re currently seen as a “hero” of sorts, like Finland’s ski team was in 2001 or Käärijä is now.

It also made me think of how Finns often tend to be jealous of other people's success (the good ol’ belief that there’s a finite amount of luck/happiness in the world and so other people having luck/success is to blame if you don’t have it is still deeply ingrained in us even if we don’t realize it). Like, there are always people who hate someone more successful or famous than them simply because they are successful/famous.

Also, there's often a sense of schadenfreude involved from certain parts of the public when someone famous does something bad/wrong. Something that (in public perception) "justifies" the negative turn in the public opinion on that person, regardless of how bad/wrong the thing actually was and if the reaction is actually proportionate to it. And especially in famous people’s case, there are always people who are just waiting for them to misstep, to fall, just so they can go “see? I knew they were a bad person all along, that’s why I disliked them!”. Or hell, we’ve even seen people who are constantly waiting for the moment a famous person does something that can be twisted into a controversy, or even hounding them to do something or react to something in a way that paints them in a negative light.

Now, I don't think the hate comments seen in the MV are comparable to what happened after the doping scandal (nor that are they meant to be that), and I don’t claim to know what kinds of hate Käärijä and Erika get usually but I doubt that’s comparable either. But there are some noticeable, if much smaller scale, similarities to some controversies they’ve been a part of and the media/public reaction to those. Which does make the doping scandal an effective reference to use to get the point of (often excessive) negative reactions/comments to everything you do across.

So, when the hate comment pause happened in the MV and the second verse started, it felt like the missing puzzle pieces fitting into their places, and being able to see what the second verse is trying to say. Or my interpretation of it, anyway.

The first line is rather straightforward, mentioning getting enough "snow" (aka adversity/criticism/hate, not misfortune like I thought before) into their lives ("house" in the song) that they need equipment/tools ("skis") to help them wade through it, just to keep living their lives.

The line mentioning Kari-Pekka, and anxiety at the same level as his, is interesting. Because on the one hand, he did take the blame for the doping scandal and was, according to his own words, “the most hated man in Finland” at the time. On the other hand, he did get a lot of publicity and was offered a job as a crisis consultant to teach people how to lie believably, because he appeared so calm, collected, and confident in the media during the scandal. So, while on the surface this line is about having a lot of anxiety due to the hate they’re getting, well, the dude whose anxiety levels they’re likening their own to doesn’t seem (to appear) anxious at all despite shouldering most of the blame and hate for such a big scandal, does he? Hell, he got job opportunities thanks to how not-anxious he appeared in that situation.

And the following lines, I've interpreted to be about other people having to acknowledge the damage from those hate comments seeping into their own lives as well because, depending on what "hemo" is interpreted as, either the cause of that hate (hemohes) or a rather visible representation of the pain caused by the hate (blood) is flooding the stairway now. The pain or the cause of the hate others have let into their living spaces/lives is out in the public space now. And going by the next line “Ja mä tahdon jäädä siitä kiipeliin (kiipeliin)/ And I want to get in trouble for it (in trouble)” it’s happening they intentionally let it out into the public in the first place, because they want to get in trouble for it?

There’s something fascinating about that. About acknowledging that they’re getting hate anyway, so they might as well intentionally and publicly do things that people are going to send them hate for. But also acknowledging the hate they’re getting and making other people acknowledge it as well, refusing to keep it hidden and letting it rot only their own lives.

And then continuing that yeah, we’re getting whipped/hated on for everything we do, but

[look-at-the-soul]

The Runway -Part 3

Lenny Miller x reader (Cillian Murphy’s role for movie Anna)

Series Master list

Special thanks to @heidimoreton for this amazing BTS gif! 🥰😍 Look at that smile!

And @zablife for the playlist recommendation to finish this part 💕

Looking at the clock, Y/N felt frustrated because Anna was still nowhere to be seen. A member of the crew talked to the pilot and shoot a long look at the other flight attendant.

“Where are you Anna?” She mumbled to herself, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Are you going to Paris with those long faces?” Anna appeared with a huge grin on her face, oversized black sunglasses.

Everyone waiting for her sighed loudly as they realized she was hungover, the atmosphere was tense.

“Goodness Anna!” Y/N shook her head embarrassed by her sister’s attitude.

“Oh please just cut the bullshit.” Anna made a face and walked determined to move past them, but Lenny stood up with a death stare in front of her.

“You‘ve a contract, this is unacceptable and so disrespectful from you, we’ve been waiting for you for over an hour.” Lenny spat at her, clearly bothered.

Y/N wanted to intervene but she new Anna shouldn’t have made them wait.

“I really can’t wait to fire you as my agent.” She brushed past him, into the bedroom in the back of the private airplane.

Finally up in the air, Y/N tried to get comfortable in her seat, grabbing a book from her purse, unfortunately it slipped from her lap and landed on the floor, her personal belongings scattered around, Lenny was quick to help her, scrunching down.

“Thank you, I’m sorry about what happened with my sister earlier.”

“Sometimes I doubt you’re related to be honest.”

Y/N made a face. “That’s bold… but I doubt it myself sometimes.”

Lenny was eager to stop talking about Anna, she was a headache. “Are you excited for taking the Runway in Paris?”

“Yes! It’s the first time I’m hired by Miu Miu, luckily it will bring me good luck for the rest of the shows.”

“But you’re scheduled to walk for Luis Vuitton first, Miu Miu is on Wednesday.” Lenny was proud to realize he had both correct; the order and the fucking pronunciation. He spent a good part of the previous night getting involved in the fashion industry, to not look so out of place.

He learned names, trends, important details, designers faces, everything that was necessary. He was also a bit scandalized about the ridiculous amount of money Y/N and Anna got paid just for taking over a runway and he almost got a heart attack when he added the contracts of magazine covers, collaborations, being the faces of make up, shoes, clothing and appearances to the mix.

“Yes, sorry… I always get the dates mixed, but it’s all in my agenda.”

“Right, well I’ll be doing some paperwork right there if you need anything.” She saw Lenny walk back towards his place. “Make sure to eat something.”

She didn’t know what to expect from this trip, Richardson was never worried about her or her needs, on the contrary he used any opportunity to make her feel inferior, insecure, terrified of doing or saying something, he was different with Anna though always cheering for her and he constantly made them fight for contracts with big brands.

Y/N decided then to relax a little by opening her book, but her eyes constantly ended looking up towards Lenny as he was reading something in his computer, typing then leaning onto his hand, completely focused in his task. Unlike, unable to focus on her book, so Y/N decided to put her mask on and take a nap.

Lenny got access to Anna’s photos, nothing relevant, until he found one she sent to a few people personally requesting to not share the information with anyone else as they were invited to an exclusive meet and greet with her. In the message she mentioned the location would remain secret until the date. Lenny was checking for similar photos where she was invited to do a master class of how to walk like a model. Everything looked normal.

He felt like walking in a maze, like going in endless circles with nothing.

Lenny signed one of the contracts, Y/N would wave a flag at the Monaco F1 as the ambassador of a luxury watch brand in a few months, this deal was engaged by Richardson and he realized how unfair was Y/N’s cut compared to what her ex’s-manager got. These kind of inconsistencies had been also present in other of her contracts. He made a mental note to demand an audit later for that.

“You look like you need this.” Y/N offered him a glass of whiskey.

“That’s a nice way to say I look like shit.” Lenny chuckled inviting her to take the seat next to his.

“What’s the matter?”

“The numbers, there are inconsistencies, I’m starting to believe that your ex-manager has been stealing from you. But once we go back I’ll request an investigation.”

Y/N’s face was full of worry.

“I can’t believe it! How long has he been stealing from me?” Y/N asked, Lenny begged her to keep her voice down.

“That’s what I’m trying to find out, do you remember signing something unusual?”

No, everything was legal, Richardson got her the apartment she lived in, signed her assistant, suggested a portfolio as investment, he took care of everything, she barely got involved in those kind of decisions.

“It’s fine, I don’t want you to feel anymore pressure, you have enough with the runway.”

“To tell you the truth, I feel at a much better place now that you’re my manager, I never really liked him…”

Lenny was pleased to hear that.

“Anyways… I was wondering if Richardson told you about the contract I signed with the lingerie brand?”

Clearing his throat, Lenny tried to let his tie a bit loose. “Yes. What about it?”

Y/N smiled but shook her head.

“He wasn’t really excited with the project. Anyway I don’t want to bore you with it now.”

“It’s fine I don’t mind.” Lenny closed the laptop, to give her his undivided attention. “Tell me, what do you like the most about modeling?”

His question seemed to take her by surprise, but it was easy. “Meeting young girls who want to become a model as well.”

“Yeah?” He nodded. “Aren’t you scared of meeting them?”

Y/M shook her head. “No, they’re always nice… most of the people are, they just want a photo, as a matter of fact, I love it when Anna and I meet with fans and take them to a Runway with us for a backstage experience and have a little time you know, chatting.”

Lenny raised his eyebrows shocked to hear that piece of information about Anna but didn’t comment anything else.

“So, what’s your story?”

“Bored compared to yours.” Lenny chuckled, making Y/N giggle. “I’m not a model,” he admitted as if it wasn’t obvious.

“Oh but you could be easily mistaken by one.” Y/N interrupted.

Even if it was for an instant, Lenny blushed by her words. “I can assure you I could never be in front of the paparazzi like you do, I hate it.” He rolled his eyes at the memory of the restaurant.

“You should give it a try.”

“Sadly I don’t have time for a side job, you and your sister keep me busy.” He winked.

Y/N squinted her eyes and a playful look took over her.

***

“Would you believe me if I say, I’ve never been to the Eiffel Tower?” Y/N sighed loudly on their way to the elevator. “Like see it properly.”

Lenny held the door open for her.

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah, and it might be something silly you may think oh but she’s doing the walk at the actual tower, but it’s not the same you know? I won’t see or enjoy a picnic and have a good time, this is my job.”

“No, I totally get what you mean.” Lenny agreed. “Perhaps you could take a day off once you finish the fashion shows.”

“Oh, you’re saying I get to have a little holiday?” Y/N smiled walking out of the elevator.

Lenny walked to the front door of the suite. “Why not?”

“I thought you’d be demanding to have proof of my weight daily, you know that kind of stuff.” She shuddered.

“Oh no, I’m going to my little room in the attic. Way better.”

Y/N was surprised to learn he didn’t request a suite.

Lenny looked behind her shoulder, the room was ridiculously huge.

“Have some rest, you’ll need it for tomorrow.” As he walked towards the elevator at the end of the corridor, Y/N wondered why Lenny was so different to her ex-agent. He was kind and attentive, praised her work, reassuring, his presence made her feel secure and those blue gems made her knees weak.

—-

Y/N was on the cover of every single fashion magazine, the photographers went crazy when she stepped out of the hotel between one runway and another, but she always gave them what they loved, she posed for them and blew kisses to everyone, even took the time to take photos with the fans that asked her. The camera loved her, she was a natural and it didn’t matter that she was wearing a simple pants and top. She looked stunning.

She took over the most important fashion shows; Balmain, YSL, Dior, Luis Vuitton… and now she would be closing the Paris Fashion Week with Chanel. At the very top of everything and everyone. He was proud to learn about her work ethic, Y/N was always on time, didn’t need to make someone feel bad, was kind to everyone around her, treated her stylist, makeup artist and bodyguard with respect, she always had a smile on when a fan approached her for a photo or autograph and still made time have a good laugh backstage.

But by the end of the night, Y/N knocked on Lenny’s hotel room door make up free, glamour long forgotten with her hair in a small bun or a loose braid and sweats and they spent a good amount of time talking, he learned her ex manager forced her to get eye surgery so she didn’t need glasses anymore, he wanted her to get a nose job as well, but she refused that and the other surgeries advised firmly.

And little by little, Lenny started to warm into her. Between backstage chats, walking back to her suite or in the car ride to the venue, whenever she had the chance to talk to someone, she would choose him, he also noticed the way she was flirting back because she started doing a particular head tilt only reserved for him.

There was no use to deny the attraction that started sparking in those days, it’s was a natural thing after spending a lot of time together.

Lenny stared at the screen backstage as Y/N started walking, the cameraman zoomed out and captured the base of the Eiffel Tower, moments later he catched the entire Tower. Those lips pursed in a tight line, eyes focused in some point in the distance, long and firm strides as she walked elegantly. He wasn’t even able to look away, she was stealing the show.

The city lights illuminating every step, this was the longest runway Y/N had ever walk, it was ambitious and the perfect way to close the Paris Fashion week.

It happened too fast. Her heart was pounding as she returned backstage, her ears ringing from the noise and emotions, her hands shaking but not out of nerves, but the feelings of being walking that runway.

“Goodness I thought it was endless.” She was rushed to get changed into her next outfit.

“Four minutes, Y/N.” Someone announced as she started to undress to change into her new outfit.

The dresser adjusted the fabric while someone sprayed her hair and used a small brush to get the perfect look. And she was ready to go and take the runway one more time.

It was impossible to describe the sensation she got once she started walking. But she loved every second of it.

After changing one more time and finally closing the Paris Fashion Week, she rushed to her corner in backstage to change into her clothes, hang the design she was given, place the shoes she wore in the box and she started to remove the make up from her face, Lenny appeared behind her, knocking on the wall.

“Come in.” Y/N joked.

“Are you ready to go?”

“I thought you’d be back into the hotel by now.”

Lenny offered his hand to take her bag. “No, I stayed here watching the show backstage.”

“Oh, did you like it?”

Lenny shook his head and her heart stopped beating. “Loved it. Come on, I want you to see something.”

He showed her the way to a car with a driver but refused to say anything about their destination and she was too distracted by his voice to notice they crossed a bridge and the car was stopping next to a dock until he pointed out a yacht.

“What’s this?” Y/N asked out of breath.

Lenny chuckled, surprised by the sound he was making. “This is your chance to see the Eiffel Tower, we got it for an hour or so, so let’s go?”

Placing her hand over her heart, Y/N touched Lenny’s arm to mumble a low thank you. She was touched beyond words.

As the yacht started to move, she was able to see a first glimpse of the Eiffel Tower illuminated, lights dancing before her eyes.

“Goodness! This is beautiful Lenny!” Clamping her hands over her mouth to suppress a squeal, she didn’t want to blink so she wouldn’t miss a single second of it.

Lenny was pleased to see Y/N enjoying so much the moment.

“Thank you for this.” She repeated, her heart full of happiness, but when she looked into Lenny’s eyes, she found something else, something new.

“No, thank you for making me see things differently,” he let his fingers wander up and down her arm, “you made me realize a lot of things in a very short time.”

A chill ran down her spine by the intensity of his eyes. “Like what?”

“Like I’m starting to fall for you.” Lenny whispered and tilted his head towards her, finding her lips.

But the best part was when Y/N returned the kiss and placed her hand in the back of his head. It was demanding and she gave in when he intertwined his fingers through her locks.

“So am I, Lenny.” She admitted when they broke the kiss. Looking over at the monument and its lights.

Her line of work was somehow chaotic at times, with a crazy schedule, she never imagined to fall in love with someone in the media, but yet it felt so natural, they shared a couple of interests, got to understand each other over work, she noticed he was so serious at the beginning but slowly, he started to warm into her.

Leaning on Lenny’s shoulder, she fixed her eyes on the sight before her eyes, he was so thoughtful for giving her a moment like this.

Y/N sighed. “But this is going to be a huge thing, because I once had suspicions about my sister and my ex agent and I always told her it wasn’t professional,” she chuckled caressing Lenny’s face.

“What?” He asked with a frown, he wasn’t expecting that.

“I’m not sure if they had a one night thing or something…”

Lenny looked up at the sky, during her rehearsal, he got classified information about Anna. He rubbed his chin frustrated.

“There’s something I need to tell you first, but I need you to listen carefully.”

Y/N’s expression changed. “What’s wrong?”

“I really don’t work for the fashion industry, I’m an undercover agent investigating the girls that had been missing from different parts of the country, some even foreigners, I received information about your sister, apparently she’s involved by recruiting young girls for a meet and greet or a model session, after that some of the girls went missing.”

It was a lot to digest, she was confused after all the information he just dropped.

She was shocked. “You’re a spy?”

“An agent.” He corrected. “Not a models agent.”

Y/N took a deep breath, the beautiful surprise took a different turn.

“Are you sure Anna is involved?”

Lenny nodded. “We’ve been tracking her down for a while and recently got access to a couple of messages codified that started the alarms again.”

“Why? She doesn’t need to.”

“Could be a lot of things.” Lenny admitted watching the sadness in her eyes, the veil falling to the ground and the pedestal in which she put Anna breaking. “I’m sorry, but I needed you to know this, since she has involved you somehow.”

“I’ve been to those meet and greet with the girls, the after parties, but everything seemed to be normal.” She crossed her arms. “I can’t imagine those girls wanting to have a dream come true and then not coming back home.”

As it started to get chilly, Lenny took off the jacket of his suit and wrapped it around Y/N’s shoulders, then he pulled her into his embrace and she leant into him giving one more look to the Eiffel Tower as the yacht started to go back.

As much as she loved her sister to death, she wasn’t going to allow her to hurt innocent people.

“What can I do to help you?”

Lenny ran his thumb across her face, giving her a small peck on the lips. “For now, I just want you to be safe.”

****

Part 4

A/N: I found the runway photo on Pinterest but I don’t know what fashion show it’s from ☺️ this was particularly hard to write because although I had the entire idea figured out, I couldn’t get around the document 🤷🏻‍♀️ what do you think it will happen now?

Tag list: @lyarr24 @cillmequick @cloudofdisney @gretelshelby @lespendy @onlydeadcells @fastfan @stevie75 @prettylittlehoneyeyesxoxo @esposadomd @strayrockette @forbidden-forest-witch @ange-thoughts @elenavampire21 @forgottenpeakywriter @babaohhhriley @moral-terpitude @mrkdvidal1989 @shelbydelrey @shaddixlife @sloanexx @cilliansangel @sydneyyyya @camilleholland89 @allie131313 @star017 @babayaga67 @imichelle-l-rigby @lovemissyhoneybee @jyessaminereads @emmanuelle19 @cillixn @polishcrazyone @flippittygibbitts @tinyminxie @shjjpm @viesanterieures @marissat1998 @creativepawsworld @heidimoreton @winchestergirl22 @l1-l4

[something-pithy]

Heyo, glittercats and kittens! So chapters 6 and 7 of an echo, a stain are up! And starting this week, I'm going to start including story notes along with the link.

I'm a note writer lol. Part of how I even begin to keep track of all the wildness of writing something longer than a grocery list is to write about it before I start writing it, if that makes sense lol. Character sketches, ideas about why certain things are happening, backstory, setting details, etc.

I'm pretty verbal about my writing process because -- well,  I like writing about writing a lot, and also, I think it improves both the work and how I get there. Anything might end up here -- character sketches, ideas about why certain things are happening, backstory, setting details, etc. I don't really wanna be leaving like eighteen thousand words of notes on every chapter, so here we are!

Sometimes I think they might add some interesting context for readers, sometimes it's information that I think is important but it's too much for the notes section on the story itself, and sometimes it's just so I have a document of my progress for this story. So here are my notes for chapter 7! ---

Chapter 7's title is from "Come to Me" by Bjork, which is definitely one of my Astarion / Tav falling in love themes for when I'm up in these flashbacks, back before Astarion Ascended (and he still had a soul loool).

The notes from previous chapters had promised a Shadowheart & Tav conversation in this chapter. This is not the Shadowheart & Tav chapter I promised, but it is the one that continued to demand to be written until I capitulated. 

And also, honestly, the one that's going to benefit that other chapter that was supposed to be 7 and the story as a whole in the long run, so I hope you like it! 

I was getting really stuck with my original plan, and so I just started writing -- well, this. And the chapter after this. And possibly the one after that. Loooool there is a LOT going on at this point in these kids' lives.

The original plan is still 100% happening, but I think I needed to 

1. explore the foundations of who these people have become (by these people of course I mean Tav and Astarion, but also friendship is magic, so our beautiful OG friendgroup babies) 

2. what the relationships between them look like and 

3. some clues, at least, as to how they got there. 

(tl;dr we're purposefully time-jumping, and I'm having fun with it, so I hope you will, too!)

But never fear, Shadowheart and Tav will of course be chatting when we return to the story's present. And it won't be in just one chapter.

OR

hey y'all, we're gonna be doing some purposeful (and hopefully at least coherently executed) flashing back and jumping forward (or up! or laterally! OR WHATEVER) in/on/around this story's timeline!

Final note, but an important one, on Tav's identity: 

I tried to keep Tav ambiguous for the first few chapters because I know that sometimes a really detailed and specific-looking or backstoried Tav can make people disengage from the story because they don't relate to the identifying details provided. (also, it's me, I'm people, or at least one of the people lol)

But at the end of the day, as soon as I started even thinking about writing a BG3 fic, I started really digging into and developing this Tav, who does reflect the dialogue, action, and relationship choices I've made in my current playthrough of the game with her, yes. But in having spent / continuing to spend some time thinking and writing about who this Tav is.  I'm not going to lay them all out here, but I think when you want to play in a sandbox as fucking ginormous and intricately, infinitesimally detailed as Faerun / The Forgotten Realms / DnD,  a little story/character-relevant contextual frontloading can help readers have as much fun with it as the writer does. 

Also, and I'm just going to say it, Tav is a queer, first-generation Baldurian child of two immigrants. She's the Faerun / Baldur's Gate equivalent of a BIPOC, with parents who were born in places very different both from Baldur's Gate and each other's home cities / kingdoms. Also, she's mixed-heritage elf (sun, moon, sea -- yeah, I'm that guy, come at me bro loooool). All this context is key to who Tav is as a person, as a creator, as an adventurer, and just in general.

I want anyone to be able to read Tav and be able to understand who she is, if not be able to relate to some small part of her -- but in my mind, people like Tav are essential to the story of a place like Baldur's Gate, and I really enjoy exploring what that looks like.

I'm having fun with it, so I hope you will, too!

[plantfeed]

welcome to marina, NATALYA FYODOROVA ( cis woman, she / her ) ! they are a FORTY NINE year old who has lived on the island for SIXTEEN YEARS. word on the street is they’re currently living in MARINA HEIGHTS and works as an ESTATE AGENT. everyone also says they look a lot like RACHEL WEISZ. what do you think? — NORA, 27, she/her, GMT. pinterest. blog tag.

ok i started writing stuff specifically for marina and then opened up her old bio to copy some stuff and didn't realise how much i had so apologies for the Longest Intro You Have Ever Seen !!!!

i was gonna leave most of this in google docs but tbh it might be relevant for connections so CTRL + F if u need to find something or ask bcos its a fucking manuscript

THIS ISN'T EVEN THE FULL ORIGINAL THING - THIS WAS MEANT TO BE A SUMMARY - ITS ACTUALLY FUCKED HOW LONG HER ORIGINAL ONE WAS. if you love to read and want to hear more about her there are even more bullet points about her childhood and growing up here. im struggling to get my head around it tbh.

summary of natalya.

tw: violence, addiction, overdose

TLDR: russian military brat and ballet prodigy, moved to moscow at 17 to work for the bolshoi ballet.  at the tender age of 23 she married her sugar daddy rostislav ‘rocco’ fyodorov (an art dealer from saint petersburg, but also a document forger & money launderer with ties to the mafia). he was the great love of her life. they got divorced and remarried and divorced again. after her second divorce from rocco she married and divorced a film critic with pretty serious addiction issues. most of the nineties were a blur spent at drug-fuelled orgies in moscow. at 26 she gets remarried to rocco. she misses the tempestuous up and down of their relationship, she misses being owned by someone. they fight like criminals and fuck like animals. at 27 she gives birth to will, and two years later, she gives birth to maura. 

after the birth of her two kids they reinvent themselves & move to the states for a fresh start without crime. rocco starts working as a junior art dealer for a gallery in north carolina. he stops going by ‘rocco’ and instead by ‘rusty’, a non-threatening, cuddly moniker for rostislav. he plays the part well, forges himself a few letters of recommendation to go with his fake diplomas and is eventually promoted to gallery curator ($$$$). for several years milf rachel was a stay at home mom, which suited her perfectly. rocco uses the advance on his salary and builds them the dream house. things are good. but despite moving, and changing their lives for the better, trouble follows them. a former colleague turns up with the age old adage - one last job. rocco turns him down. several months later, they send another messenger. it turns out rocco owes a lot of people a lot of money. rather than run from it, he pays them off. the salary he’s worked so hard for starts to dwindle, but he wants out of it. money’s easier than bloodshed. soon, there’s talk of downsizing. natalya refuses to leave the house he built for her - the house she deserves. so she lowers herself to getting a job. for several years she was an uber driver, picture her turning up in a black convertible blasting bach. after working as an uber driver for several years she got a job in real estate, first as a lettings administrative assistant, then a lettings negotiator, eventually moving on to be an estate agent of luxury properties. after a few years in real estate, footing the bills while rocco bats off the debt collectors, she starts to think that she can do this breadwinning thing on her own. 

it’s been several years now since the first of the mafia’s debt collectors arrived with the offer of a job. they should be in the clear by now. there’s no logical way to explain why rocco would owe so much - feels like it’s simply to punish him for turning down a job. despite the money that continues to leave their shared account, the trouble never stops. the debts never disappear. give an inch and they’ll take a mile. it’s been over a decade since they left the criminal world entirely, and yet it continues to follow them. it’s not just rocco and natalya’s lives on the line any more - they’ve got kids, kids she’ll do anything to protect (including have her husband killed, if needed). but she’s clever enough to know that a crime of passion will never cut it in a court of law. she encourages rocco to take out a life insurance policy, to protect her and the kids if anything happens. there’s been a lot of unsightly figures hanging around his gallery as of late - he’s noticed it too. she knows that in the case of a murder, a life insurance policy is usually only valid if it was issued more than two years ago. two years and a day later, rocco is found dead in his study - letter opener to the throat. first ruled a suicide, then later ruled not a suicide due to conflicting evidence, then later ruled inconclusive.

the next year, natalya is the picture of the grieving widow. on the outside, she never leaves the house without being top-to-toe in black. on the inside, she’s unspeakably, sickeningly happy. the gardener, pablo, who she’s been seeing in secret for years becomes a permanent fixture of the home. the kids are shipped off to boarding school, courtesy of rocco’s life insurance and a generous donation from the gallery to support their education (it’s what ‘rusty’ would have wanted). trouble doesn’t come again for years, until natalya returns home one day to find her daughter maura in the garden with one of rocco’s former colleagues. he tells her they’re sorry to hear about rocco, and that if there’s anything they can do to help, to let them know - they’ll be keeping an eye on her. she’s never been a religious person, but there’s something about the way that he says it that puts the fear of god in her soul.

two months later, she sold the house rocco built for her, took her two kids and moved to marina heights. they were nouveau riche here, a fresh start, no dirty washing on the laundry line, no mistrusting neighbours who’d heard one too many explosive fights or witnessed shady characters at their doors,  none of the years of scrimping and saving to afford their property. by this point, natalya is well established in the world of luxury real estate. i’ve never seen selling sunset but probs somethin like that. she chose marina to move to because they already had some family ties there (the romanovs)

tw death traumacore drowning drugs. 

natalya’s the younger sister of vaughn romanov. it feels good to be back with family - not only is she off the map, but if every one of rocco’s former colleagues tracks her down again, she now has the added security of vince’s team to look out for her and the kids. she feels safer here. will doesn’t like it, but will never likes anything. he’s always been the stranger of her two kids. she doesn’t have the same affection with him as she does with maura.

maura grows closer to rowan. she’s a teenager now, and hanging out with her mom all the time is no longer cool. they grow apart. if she wants a piercing, it’s rowan who takes her. if she wants to drink wine and watch real housewives, it’s rowan she’s doing it with. in maura’s absence, natalya tries harder with will. for the first time, she knows things about his passions and interests. they drink wine have julia roberts thursdays. 

a few years after moving to marina, maura is found face down in the pool after a house party to celebrate the end of exams. she’d just been accepted to stanford. they find drugs in her autopsy report. at first, natalya blames rowan. later, she begins to love rowan like a daughter in maura’s place. it’s a weird relationship. will finds the whole thing fucked up, blames his mother for maura’s death, for never enforcing enough discipline on them, and gets a place of his own in tower hill, leaving natalya alone. she’s constantly begging him to come back, but a house that large only ever feels cold and empty to will. he blames natalya for maura’s death because in the years leading up to her death, she wasn’t as close to maura as she was to will. 

natalya envied her youth and beauty. she envied her closeness with rowan and adrienne - her sister-in-law, and perhaps the mother maura wishes she had. she spent maura’s teenage years with a bottle in her hand maxing out credit cards on expensive lingerie which meant maura acted out. their whole family has had drug issues. maura was 18 when she died, and despite their relationship being pretty all over the place, natalya’s kind of made her a martyr. her room remains exactly how she left it, walls lined with posters of teenage heartthrobs, dirty underwear still under the bed. no one can ever say a bad word about her or they will face the full force of natalya’s wrath. she drinks iced coffee like it’s going out of style. she’s full of grief and spite and materialism and cocaine. 

she looooooves to harp on about how she never went to college and how everything she got she earned herself through hard work and tenacity, but it also came from several void pre-nups to wealthy (if somewhat sketchy) characters. this woman is also such a white collar criminal like she knows the legal loopholes and she works them. she’d have so many offshore bank accounts. she evades taxes. will she ever suffer the consequences? idk.

history / backstory.

tw: violence, addiction, overdose, murder,,

— natalya was born in volgograd / bолгогра́д, and  grew up in a russian military family who moved around a lot. developed an attachment disorder because of it. she’s very closed off, doesn’t trust easily, can come across as very haughty and hostile, but on the flipside when someone has earned her trust she’d go to fucking war for them.

— moving to schools a lot meant she hardly ever made friends who weren’t kids on the base. her friends were books and her ballet shoes. there wasn’t time for loneliness with the amount of characters she had living inside of her head. she had a close friend at one of the schools she went to when she was 10 - 12, called aleksei, and (possibly because she didn’t have too many other friends) the strength of their friendship was insane. he was also an incredibly smart kid but pretty much her opposite, quiet in all the ways she was loud, reserved in all the ways she was impulsive. the two of them spent most of the school days outcasts, but people left them to their own devices. 

— one day, aleksei came into school with train track braces, and a girl in their maths class named anya compared him to the characters jaws from james bond. natalya retaliated by stabbing them in the hand with a compass and she was subsequently transferred to the school on the military base soon after.  despite being a pretty violent and strong-minded child, she’d never had too much trouble with authority figures and her family assumed she would also end up in the military. she had the right personality to be a deputy or a general and showed promise from a young age in terms of agility, tenacity and discipline BUT she only ever viewed her training at the military school as a means to an end. she wanted to graduate school and move to moscow to audition for the bolshoi ballet.

— she started dancing when she was maybe five or six years old. she was one of those kids who always knew what she wanted and never deviated. when asked in class what they wanted to be, most kids would say an astronaut or a princess, but even from as young as seven natalya knew she wanted to dance for the bolshoi ballet. being from a military family, her schooling was inconsistent because she was constantly moving to different locations, and she struggled to keep any friends, but ballet was something that was consistent throughout her teenage years. 

— moved to moscow at seventeen to audition for the bolshoi ballet. trained with them for nine months before becoming a chorus dancer in the nutcracker. she lived with five others, also dancers for the bolshoi ballet, and for the next few years she would live, breathe, eat and sleep dance. in her early twenties, natalya became a recurring dancer for the bolshoi ballet company. she was by no means famous, but she became well known in the circles who frequented the opera houses. 

— one audience member who she had managed to charm both on and off the stage was moscow-based art dealer (and benefactor of the ballet company) rostislav fyodorov. they met at a charity gala, and again at several vip events in the royal opera house. several years her senior, he was smitten with her, offered to pay her tuition for the ballet school if she agreed to meet with him once a week. she did, they entered into an arrangement and soon she became quite financially dependent on him. she was 21 at the time and studying at the bolshoi ballet school, and he was 44.

— a knee injury meant she had to step back from the company and she hated not having the limelight or enough money to live the life she wanted. she eventually retired from the ballet school at 23 when she agreed to marry her sugar daddy, rocco. she was a trophy wife for a few years and in these years began to realise that as well as working as an art dealer, her husband was loosely involved with criminal activity, mostly in the counterfeiting business, but occasionally laundering money by disguising it through the art galleries donations.

— when natalya became pregnant with their first child he agreed that there’d be no more crooked business because he didn’t want to put their family in jeopardy, but he continued to make counterfeit passports. they move to saint petersberg. will is five and maura is three. when they returned from a holiday to italy one christmas, they found their house had been searched by a former colleague turned rival of rocco’s. they decide to start afresh. they sold the house in saint petersberg and the holiday home in italy, changed their surname and move to the states.

— for several years, things were good. they were the new family in a quaint north carolina suburb, full of mystery and intrigue and constantly smelling of chanel no 5 and cigarette smoke. rocco got a job as a curator in a gallery.  natalya did the grocery shopping in six inch heels and a fur coat. someone eventually tracked their family down and natalya came home from a pilates class one day to find her loving husband rocco with a letter opener lodged in his throat. they had no evidence of forced entry or any leads as to who committed the crime. in the following years, natalya took the role of the grieving widow very seriously. lots of ppl from the neighbourhood who she’d never bothered to get to know brought round sympathy gifts. 

— this was the first time  in 3 years of living in irving she actually made any friends in the town outside of yoga instructor. jst bonding with local housewives through grief, love that for her. started going to PTA meetings and being more involved in the community.

— eventually the money started to run out so to keep up with her shopping addiction she had to get a job. she was an uber driver for several years (uber driving a PORSCHE) before getting an administrative role with a lettings company and working her way up.  

— she now works part-time in real estate (only part time because she needs her spa days and her me time), mostly selling properties on aquila drive and orion avenue, but she still spends how she did when they were on an art curators salary so is always having bills notices sent to her which she just ignores. her son is worried they’re gonna end up losing everything, but at least rocco had paid off the mortgage before he kicked the bucket. natalya, once a trophy wife, and now a bored suburban widow is pretty  irresponsible with money n feelings. loves to spoil the people she loves. will impulse buy you a car.

headcanons

— mother of william fyodorov (WC!!) and maura fyodorova (deceased). came from nothing and nouveau rich. made her money as a ballet dancer and later became the sugar baby of one of a former drug cartel leader turned art dealer, rocco fyodorov.  was spoiled with blood money and soon became a bouje bitch.  married rocco after she became pregnant with their first child, william

  — when they first went to the states natalya didn't speak a word of english and her kids, who were bilingual, often had to translate for her because she refused to learn english out of spite for at least the first six months. now she is fluent in english having been in irving 20+ years but still speaks with a slight european twang. 

— literal cocaine off the dashboard mother, doing the school run totally high. presented this well put together dream woman but there was so much dodgy shit going on behind the scenes and her eldest son will started to resent her for this n their relationship grew fractured.

— the fyodorov family are  literally rebeka's family from elite before i even knew elite existed. rocco and natalya made a fortune through counterfeiting art and money laundering so they could live in a nice white-picket-fence-house with a sea view. rocco has been pushing up the daffodils for years after a trade deal went sour, or that’s how the story goes. no one really knows what happened. there was no finger prints and no signs of forced entry.  since then, natalya has fully committed to the 'grieving widow' role while bedding all of her 25 y-o sons friends. 

— natalya was closest to her younger daughter maura, who died a few years ago, after overdosing at a party.  by the time maura died, rocco was already six feet under the sod following a trade deal gone sour. grief stricken n with no one to vent to, natalya uses sex and alcohol as a escape mechanism. kind of washed up and incredibly lonely but you wouldn’t know because her lipstick and eyeliner’s always on point. loves a power suit. dresses mostly in monochrome, emerald green, indigo, navy blue or red. dark wash only.

— when they moved to the states and changed their names, rocco made them both burn their fingerprints off. she wears gloves all the time, mostly lacy ones, because of this. her obsession with gloves started when rocco bought her her first car - a red lamborghini - and she used to buy leather driving gloves to feel like a pin up girl. now she uses gloves to hide what she believes to be the only ugly and disfigured part of her, but in reality it’s barely noticeable at all, she just puts a lot of importance on beauty and youth and is quite a shallow, materialistic person.

— highkey reliant on c0k3. don’t know how her nose hasn’t collapsed tbh but she’s high functioning. always the emotionally unstable hot woman on the balcony swilling a glass of wine with her titties out. borderline sociopathic

— has a vial on a necklace containing a tiny bit of rocco’s blood and he was buried wearing a pendant with some of hers. straight ppl are fuckin gross but she’s not straight she’s actually bi or pan and had an affair with her yoga instructor shortly before her husband died. was she tryna get him out the way or was it genuinely nothing 2 do w her? who knows. not me.

— good at throwing knives. does it to relieve tension. it was a hobby during her military school days and she took it up again as a way of feeling in control of her body when her knee injury meant she had to take a break from dance.

— great at tying knots and very resourceful. as a teenager her room was always full of pulley systems it was some wallace and gromit shit. in her 20s she did a brief stint as an aerial silk performer. she’s currently experimenting with shibari, a japanese type of rope bondage, with a guy she’s sleeping with as a way of exerting control.

wanted plots.

— other middle aged ppl who used to attend her lavish dinner parties that she'd throw w her brother which were basically an excuse to show off all the nice art shit she had from ripping people off back in russia

— women she does yoga with. honestly i would love a milf squad. natalya is the samantha. materialistic, brazen cougar girlboss who says exactly what she thinks. ambitious but also her ambition is to be lazy and lounge around all day in nice underwear while her husband works long hours to pay for her spar days and she fucks the pool boys.

— local people from marina heights who came around with meatloaf and pasta dishes and grandma’s favourite recipe when she first moved to marina after her husband had tragically died and she just spent weeks wearing black and sobbing and thinking fuck i should have been an actress i am wasted on this town

— she is bored of working in real estate and looking for husband number four. if you play a rich middle aged man or your character has a rich middle aged father who lives in marina we cld do a nice plot there when she’s ‘seeing’ their dad. bt it wldn’t be too serious as tbh she loves to spread her wild oats. 

— at the same time, she’s a massive mrs robinson cougar n loves seeing younger guys. it’s something about the power dynamics. before rocco died she only ever dated guys who were way older than her and who she could be financially dependent on and now she doesn’t have to worry about paying off the mortgage she’s kind of content to just mess about with whoever she thinks is cute and maybe spoil them with a nice rolex watch every now and then. she misses her wild orgy days and desperately needs to be seen as sexy and attractive and desirable which is probably why she likes fucking younger guys to deny the fact that she’s nearly 50. wld love some hook up plots with anyone who is friends with her son who’s in his mid to late twenties, i might add him as a wanted connection just to have some drama, who knows.

— someone who works in the police / as a detective / as a journalist who is snooping around bcos they think there is something dodgy goin on w her which there absolutely is.

— a jogging group???   found family dynamic / someone who had shitty parents and comes to her for her shitty advice and they do face masks. anyone else who works as a realtor??  friends of her son?? idk i want everything

tht’s it for now. THAT'S IT FOR NOW, SHE SAYS, LIKE THIS ISN'T A 9 PAGE GOOGLE DOC. FUCKIN HELL. hmu if any of this resonates with u or your small possum children, i will feed them grapes out of the palm of my hand xx

[thymelessink]

10 Characters From 10 Fandoms

Tagged by @walkwithursus (you're really providing me with these games XD)

Tagging: @a-n-n-i-m-i-a and @nanukanal and a whoever wants to do it!

Blackbeard (Our Flag Means Death): Well, we're hopefully still at the beginning of his journey, so...

The fact that he's a fearsome pirate who always longed to enjoy the soft things in life and fell in love with the rich man who showed him that it is okay to like soft and pretty things and then gave up everything to save that man? I mean come on, just thinking about it makes me want to hug him.

Scar (The Lion King): Okay, so...I don't like TLK. Not even as a child. I always thought the story is stupid (and yes, the whole Shakespeare subtext obviously went all over my head back then but as an adult it didn't make it any better for me) and I think I've only seen the movie fully once. But Scar, he's a different story. He's evil but he's eloquent, cunning and sarcastic. He makes the movie somewhat enjoyable and I don't care what he did, his death hurt me, even as a child.

The Joker (DC): Okay, I don't really know much about the DCU but Joker is a character I always come back to. No matter whether we're talking about Heath Ledger's Joker, Joaquin Phoenix' Joker, BTAS' Joker or Telltale's John Doe. He's so fucked up, but I love how many different sources give him a tragic backstory. And his absolute disregard for heteronormativity and his general queerness make him so interesting and I wish more people in the DCU would play with it and see the opportunity.

Gregory House (House, M.D.): I don't even remember how many years it's been since I watched House but that man stayed relevant throughout my life. And you're gonna see a pattern here when it comes to my favourite characters: He's harsh. He's sarcastic. He's an asshole. He says he doesn't care. But he does. He says he doesn't care if people leave him. But he does. He fakes his death to support his dying best friend. And I enjoy that he treats medical cases similar to how Holmes treats his cases. Obviously.

Marty McFly (Back to the Future): Of course, I like my 80s boy. Looks cute, street smart, is funny. He's a comfort character for sure. Also, if I had to name one character that evokes gender envy in me, he'd definitely number one.

Harry "Bunny" Manders (Raffles): The reverse Watson to the reverse Sherlock Holmes. He's adorkable, ends up as a criminal due to his own foolishness and Raffles' manipulation. He knows Raffles is sometimes annoyed with him, he wants to make himself useful but actually makes matters worse most of the time, but in an endearing way. He's incredibly loyal, will follow Raffles everywhere, even to war where he has to witness Raffles' death. It's basically a Sherlock Holmes AU but more gay because there's no way in hell Bunny doesn't love Raffles.

Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad (Assassin's Creed): I was really thinking between him and Ezio because they both have amazing life stories. Assassin's Creed was probably the reason why I started playing more video games. If Altaïr's story wouldn't have been so interesting I wouldn't have stuck with it. Malik first making him see his wrongdoings, forgiving him later and becoming his best friend also plays a big part in the development of his character. But I love that they didn't make him perfect. In Revelation we see that he's still making stupid decisions that cost him dearly and he spent his life becoming a better person and a worthy mentor of the Brotherhood.

Sherlock Holmes: I mean what can I say...I don't even remember for how long I've loved Sherlock Holmes but there's a calmness in the face of danger about him that comforts me. He appears cold and calculating but he cares about the people around him. He also follows his own moral code, no matter what Scotland Yard expects of him. And he's my go-to character when I want to give a basic and famous example of asexuality to people.

The Doctor (Doctor Who): Do I have to decide for one? If so, I'd probably choose Nine. I only got into DW last year, although I always wanted to watch it because David Tennant was in it. Hilariously enough, it was Christopher Eccleston's Doctor who I became especially fond of. It's his harsh demeanor sometimes, a man who just came from war, but the joy he also displays sometimes (e.g. when everyone gets to live) and the way he, more than anyone else, needed a companion, Rose, made him very dear to me.

Tony Stark (Iron Man): Of course, who else. A man who was a weapons dealer and ended up giving up his life to restore half the universe. He has one of my favourite character growths. At no point is he perfect, he has weaknesses, he makes mistakes again and again and he knows that he seldom has the moral high ground. But he seems to love unconditionally. He forgives. And he gives life to beings that love him in return. He provides for the people he loves, deals with PTSD, makes the world a better place, all while keeping a smile on his face and having a smart remark in any situation.

[jaeyunverse]

home

pairing: sim jake x fem!reader

genres: fluff, angst, crack, best friends to lovers, mutual pining, high school au

wc: 2k

warnings: profanity, mc has mommy issues that are mentioned very briefly. i think that’s all but lmk if you want me to add smth!!

prompt: “i don’t understand why you’re acting this way.”

note: i’m sorry the title is kinda shit i cannot come up w good + relevant ones for the life of me and google was not helping BOOO but tysm for requesting anon and i hope you like the drabble!! feedback is always appreciated; i’d love to know what everything thinks :”)

dialogue prompt event

You had been avoiding Jake Sim. 

Considering the fact that he was your best friend, the task was proving to be just as difficult as you had expected it to be. 

Maybe even more so. He was surprisingly very clingy—something you had failed to notice in your friendship of four years. 

As you turned the corner of the school library’s hallway, your eyes trained on the ground, you felt an arm being thrown around your neck.  

You tensed at the contact and took a sharp breath. 

“Where have you been today?” Jake questioned casually. “I’ve been searching for you everywhere. And did you buy new clothes? I’ve never seen these before. I gotta say I like this look on you.”

Damn it. 

You’d thought wearing a brand-new outfit would make it easier for you to hide from him. You’d even gone as far as wearing a cap and letting your hair down so it could conceal your face. Your teachers had been on your ass for wearing the accessory all day long. 

Trying to fight the blush creeping up your neck, you shrugged him off as subtly as you could and put some distance between your bodies. “I’ve been around.” 

“Okay.” Jake dragged out the word. You didn’t need to glance at him to know he was frowning. “You’re coming over tonight though, right? There’s a new Riverdale episode out for us to slander. Also my mom’s making lasagne and she told me to tell you to stay over.” 

There was no way you could say no to that. Subjecting yourselves to an hour of terrible screenwriting to criticise it was basically a tradition and bonding exercise for both of you.  

Turning Jake down would instantly make him suspicious, which would lead to him asking questions. You were a lot of things, and being a terrible liar was one of them. 

Jake was a lot of things too, and being an absolute busybody was one of them. He’d push and push and push until you told him the truth. 

And you couldn’t possibly confess that you had a gigantic crush on him. 

Not only would it put your relationship in jeopardy in case he didn’t reciprocate your feelings (which you were pretty sure he didn’t), but the confirmed rejection would literally tear you apart from the inside.

You’d rather pine after him and be content with being his best friend than chase after some stupid fantasy. Unfortunately, pining sucked ass, especially when the one you wanted but couldn’t have was always hanging around you.  

So, you’d been trying to cut down on the time you spent with him, hoping that the distance would make your feelings disappear magically. So far, it was not working, but that didn’t mean you were going to give up.

“Um,” you began, keeping your eyes fixed on your sneakers. “I don’t think I can come over today. I have that… thing to do.”

Real fucking convincing, Y/N, you thought to yourself dismally.

“What thing?” Jake questioned, sounding taken aback. You knew he damn well knew you had no thing to do. “And look at me while we’re talking, would you?” 

“I am looking at you,” you lied. “You just don’t see it because I’m wearing a cap.” 

You realised your mistake a second too late. 

Jake lifted the accessory from your head the moment you uttered the words. You whirled around to face him immediately, but he had already anticipated your next move. 

Right as you tried to snatch the cap again, your best friend raised his arm and held it over his head. 

“Hey!” you exclaimed and took a step closer. Standing on your tiptoes, you put a hand on Jake’s shoulder for support and reached up for your belonging. 

He simply stretched his arm higher, making it even harder for you to get your cap back. 

“Give it back!” you huffed and tugged at his wrist, unknowingly putting all your weight on him. His free arm wrapped around your waist to keep you from jumping. 

“Now you’re not moving away from me?” Jake taunted you, his lips brushing the shell of your ear. 

Your breath hitched in your throat, and you couldn’t help but lean back in his hold to glance at him. 

“Tell me what’s wrong,” he mumbled while looking down at you, your faces so close you could count his lashes and see the universe in his eyes. 

You snapped yourself out of your reverie before you could do something you’d regret. Pulling yourself out of his arms, you stumbled back and averted your gaze. “I need to go.”

Not bothering for a response, you turned on your heels and hurried away. The feeling of Jake’s eyes drilling holes into the back of your head only spurred you into increasing your speed. 

You let out a deep breath and collapsed into your usual seat upon entering the library. Your cheeks felt hot, and your heart was thumping so hard you were afraid it was going to jump out of your chest. 

You couldn’t keep this up anymore. Your feelings were starting to get out of hand, and you were beginning to lose control. 

It wouldn’t be too long until you reached your limit. 

Save for the encounter near the library, you did not run into Jake again.  

You were about to mentally congratulate yourself for getting through another day when someone grabbed your wrist and tugged you towards them. 

One moment, you were in the crowded hallway of your school  and the next, you were in an empty classroom, your best friend glowering at you. 

“You scared me!” you exclaimed, your eyes wide with shock. 

“You’re scaring me,” Jake countered. “What is up with you these days? I don’t understand why you’re acting this way.” 

It took you a second to understand what he was referring to. Gulping, you dropped your gaze. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  

“You think I can’t tell you’re avoiding me?” he demanded and took a step closer, causing you to take a step back in return. “You think I don’t notice something’s wrong?” 

“Everything's fine. You’re being paranoid.” 

Jake laughed humourlessly. “Don’t fuck with me, Y/N.” 

“I’m not,” you said as calmly as you could. “Trust me, nothing’s wrong.” 

For a moment, there was silence. Then, “You’re lying,” he said quietly. “You’re not looking at me.” 

Taking a deep breath, you raised your head and looked Jake in the eyes. “Everything’s fine,” you repeated. 

He searched your face. “You know you can tell me anything, right?” 

“There is nothing to tell,” you insisted, trying desperately to convince him. 

“Is it something at home?” He pried further. “Is your mom checking your phone again? Did she take your laptop—” 

“No—” 

“I can ask my mom to talk to her, you know? I don’t like how she doesn’t trust you and keeps suffocating you all the time—” 

“Stop it, Jake!” you finally burst out. “Stop sticking your nose in my business! You’re the one suffocating me right now so just back off. I’m not obligated to tell you shit!” 

You regretted saying that the moment hurt flashed across Jake’s face. You opened your mouth to apologise, but he beat you to it. 

“You’re right,” he muttered and averted his gaze, moving away from you. “You’re not answerable to me. I’m sorry for pushing you.” 

Putting his back to you, Jake retreated to the door with slumped shoulders. You knew you had royally messed up and there was a good chance your friendship would be ruined forever if he left the classroom. 

So, you decided to bite the bullet and tell the truth. Confessing couldn’t possibly do more damage than what had already been done. 

“It’s you.” 

Jake stopped in his tracks and turned around. He looked surprised to know that it indeed was him that was the issue. “It is?” 

“Yeah,” you said, your voice cracking a bit. “There’s something I have to tell you.” 

Jake nodded. “Of course. Anything.” 

“I’m, uh—” you toyed with your hands, struggling to find the courage to confess— “I— I like you.”

“What?” he whispered, shell-shocked. 

“I’ve been avoiding you because I’m attracted to you,” you stammered. Wetting your dry lips, you forced yourself to continue, “I didn’t want to put you in a difficult position by telling you I liked you, but every time I saw you, all I could think about was what it would be like to have you want me back. I just— I didn’t want to jeopardize our friendship by confessing. I thought my feelings would fade if I stayed away, but that didn’t work out too well. I’m sorry.” 

Jake opened his mouth to reply, but closed it when nothing escaped. Looking away, he pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a small chuckle under his breath.

You felt your heart drop to the bottom of your stomach. You were prepared for rejection—you were aware from the very beginning that you were going to be turned down—but you weren’t prepared for whatever this was. 

“You’re laughing,” you mumbled. “You don’t believe me.” 

“I don’t,” Jake confirmed. “Actually, no, wait. Let me rephrase that: I want to believe you, but I can’t.” 

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” you demanded and crossed your arms over your chest defensively. This situation was turning out to be much worse than you had expected. 

How could Jake just laugh at you? What about your confession had been funny? Did he think you were incapable of crushing on him? Did he think he was not good enough to be crushed on? 

“It means,” he began, sauntering towards you, “I can’t believe I wasted weeks pining over you and holding myself back from confessing only for you to have liked me back this entire time.”

Your eyes widened and your heart skipped a beat. Your breaths started getting shallower and your legs felt like jelly. You were starting to understand what Jake meant when he said he wanted to believe you but couldn’t. 

“It means I can’t believe I gaslit myself into thinking you’d never feel even an ounce of what I felt for you,” he continued. You were standing toe to toe now, your faces but a few inches away. “It means I can’t believe I tortured myself when I could have just told you the truth and done this.”

Before you could fully comprehend what Jake was saying, his hands were cupping your face and his lips were on yours. 

You were frozen for a moment, unable to think, much less react. But then, your eyes fluttered close and you kissed him back. 

It was everything you had imagined. Scratch that, it was so much better.

Jake tasted like chocolate and his soft lips slotted into yours perfectly. He moved them slowly, as if wanting to relish the moment you were sharing. 

Grabbing the neckline of his t-shirt, you pulled him lower and tilted your neck to the side to deepen the kiss. 

Jake obliged and snaked an arm around your waist, pressing your body flush against his. Cocooned in his arms, you felt at home. 

But then, you always felt at home with him. 

Out of breath, you detached your lips from his and whispered, “Wow.” 

Jake laughed and embraced you, placing his chin on top of your head. “Yeah, I know.” 

Snuggling into his chest, you mumbled, “Now what?” 

“Now I ask you to be my girlfriend.”

You smiled and tipped your neck to glance at him. “And then?” 

“Assuming you say yes,” he mused, earning a snort from you. “I take you out on a date.” 

“And what would we do on the date?” 

Jake smirked, raising an eyebrow. “Why don’t I pick you up at seven today and you find out?” 

You grinned, feeling giddy at the prospect of going out on a date with your best friend turned boyfriend. 

“Deal” 

[sylvie--laufeydottir]

an obligatory analysis of sylvie’s character (aka: who betrayed who?)

in case you can’t tell, i like sylvie. but here’s a big fuckin post where i share my thoughts on her role in the finale in a sort of disjointed kind of way.

NOTE: this isn’t about sylki. i don’t ship it personally, but that isn’t really relevant to this at all. this also doesn’t go into the criticisms i have of the show because this isn’t really the place for that. maybe i can do that later, whatever.

also, this is gonna be a long post. i have a lot of thoughts.

sylvie’s introduction and motivations

one of the first things we learn about sylvie is her opposition to the tva. (okay, it’s literally the first thing, whatever.) in episode 3, we get to see her entire plan - overthrow whoever’s running the tva, and... that’s it. loki questions her about the power vacuum that would leave, to which she shows that she’s not interested in running the tva. (this is also stated in ep 2.) her goals are clear. she wants rid of the entire organisation, and doesn’t care about or want the sort of power that would come with pulling the strings.

her reasoning for this seems pretty simple. she doesn’t want the power ruling the tva would entail because she knows what it’s like to be on the other end of that deal. she had everything taken from her as a child, and doesn’t want that to happen to anybody else. she believes that that kind of power belongs to nobody, not even herself.

this easily establishes her as a character who, despite having an ego, has principles that trump everything else. she’s very dedicated to her cause; the ‘never at the expense of the mission’ line in ep 3 just states it out loud. her entire life has been dedicated to this cause. this is a good time to segue into the next section...

sylvie’s personality, character and flaws

she’s fuckin stabby.

despite only really being present for 4 out of the 6 episodes of the show, we manage to get a pretty good idea of sylvie’s personality right from the start thanks to episode 3 being largely a character study with both her and loki. she’s shown as a very competent and strong character - however, contrary to marvel’s guidebook on writing female characters, those aren’t personality traits. what we actually see of her is that she’s very confident, and has a tendency to be rude or dismissive of other people. episode 3 has a bunch of examples of this, but the easiest one to point to is the fireworks scene. after loki does something nice to cheer her up, something which visibly works, her response is to waive it away as ‘not bad’.

her coldness in this scene even after bonding with loki is likely due to her upbringing. sylvie spent the majority of her life, including her childhood, on the run, unable to form relationships with people who weren’t moments away from dying. it feels a bit redundant for me to point this out, but this is, as they say in the medical field, mega fucking traumatic. not only did sylvie not have the opportunity to form these kinds of connections, she couldn’t even develop the ability to form them. loki is a bandaid to cover a bullet hole in this regard, one she needs years to heal from. while she does bond with him to an extent, she is physically unable to trust him to the point where they can be considered close.

another thing we learn about sylvie is that she’s very violent - and that she enjoys it. being a character that grew up running from an organisation that wanted her dead, it makes sense for her first instinct to be confrontational. however, despite having to fight to survive, she visibly takes pleasure from fighting. this was brought up in an interview with sophia (that i am not going to link here, because tumblr is kind of a hellsite and i’m not in the mood for that today). here’s a nice extract instead.

“She's not trained like Loki is,” Di Martino continues. “She can't do some of the flourishes that he would, but she's figured out how to brawl. She's a street fighter and she loves it. That was a really great key to unlocking part of Sylvie for me, was how much she just loves a fight. She knows that she's either going to win, or if she isn't going to win, she'll survive. She's that damaged character who's dangerous because she knows she can survive.”

her tendency towards violence is actually a key part of sylvie’s character. this works as both a strength and a flaw. on the one hand, she’s able to survive scrapes most other characters wouldn’t, and she knows that. she’s not one to freeze in most (note: most) scenarios, because she knows what to expect. on the other hand, violence isn’t always the answer, and she’s very unlikely to consider any other option than a fight.

her enchantment abilities tie into this - they’re another weapon for her to use, and one she’s not afraid to call on. however, her eagerness to enchant people without hesitation puts her in a pretty bad place morally. her enchantment clearly leaves hunter c-20 traumatised, and yet she’s more than willing to enchant people for the sake of the mission. she’s also relatively dismissive of human sentient lives. an early example of this is in episode 2, where loki asks her if the person she had enchanted was dead, to which she responds with a casual ‘they usually survive’. additionally, she’s more than willing to fight the guards on the train in episode 3, despite them seeing her as a threat for completely understandable reasons.

in the case of the guards, her reasoning for placing such little value on their lives is likely that they’re about to die anyways. everyone on lamentis is doomed, so from her point of view, whether they die at her hands or at the hands of the moon from majora’s mask isn’t really important. however, c-20 is a different story. sylvie places next to no value on the lives of the tva’s workers, content to slaughter them en masse for the sake of her goal. this is despite her knowing that every one of the tva workers is a variant plucked from the sacred timeline. this sets up a weird sort of transactional nature in how sylvie views other people - to her, they’re less important than the mission, and she doesn’t hesitate to eliminate threats.

was this a long section? this was a long section. i would like to call back to the fact that this is not a sylki post for this next part. and also to praise anyone that got this far, because fucking hell, is this excessively long or what? who would have the time to write this out?

sylvie’s bond with loki

i want to go back to that whole thing about her relationship with loki. he’s the first person she’s really spoken to since she was a child who isn’t about to face imminent death. furthermore, despite their differences, they have quite a lot in common - enough to hit it off surprising well for two people who kind of want to kill each other. they’re able to relate on common ground like frigga, and even though they clash due to loki’s initial carelessness, they’re overall able to get along well enough aside from occasional bickering. the blanket scene from episode 5 is probably the best example of this. sylvie allows herself, albeit briefly, to be vulnerable around loki.

except, not really. one of the first things she does is tries to ensure he won’t betray her. i’ve seen somebody cite this before as proof that her fondness towards him isn’t real, and that she was planning on betraying him from the start, hence why it was on her mind. that’s definitely possible, but i think it’s far more likely that it’s just her difficulties connecting to people stopping her from feeling safe around him even as they share a nice moment. she really does seem to care about loki - an easy example of this is her asking how he is during episode 4 without being prompted. she’s just unable to properly process these kinds of feelings due to an incomprehensible amount of trauma. as loki puts it, she can’t trust.

and loki can’t be trusted. she knows - or at least, thinks she knows - his nature as a trickster and a villain. loki embodies a part of sylvie that she considers herself completely separate from; the tva-approved liar whose purpose is to bring out the best in others. while she does show him more decency than to treat him like that, at the end of the day, he represents something that makes her deeply uncomfortable, hence her rejection of the loki name. despite what they have in common, loki is an incredibly difficult person to trust, especially for somebody who has deep-rooted trust issues. so, this brings us onto...

who betrayed who?

so, sylvie and loki make it to kang’s castle. after all this time, she’s finally about to reach her life’s goal. she’s clearly nervous - this is out of her comfort zone, unlike most fights. loki reassures her, and they head in. they meet kang, learn the true nature of the tva, have the opportunity to kill him...

and loki stops her.

loki’s motivations are left ambiguous. the uncharitable interpretation is that he wants to rule the tva for himself, as per kang’s offer. he’s expressed such an interest to sylvie before. for the loki we know in avengers 1, this seems perfectly in character.

however, for the loki we’ve seen in the show, there’s a different option. he believes kang’s threat that there are multiple of him, and that killing him won’t solve anything. to him, he isn’t willing to risk unknown horrors for the sake of taking his revenge out on kang. this is the loki who offered diplomacy and guile to counteract sylvie’s brute force.

but sylvie, who can’t trust, assumes the worst.

to her, loki was the one who betrayed her. they had a plan - find whoever pulls the strings, and destroy them. to her, loki’s hesitation isn’t caution, but treachery. taking kang’s offer to rule the tva is exactly what she thinks she should’ve expected from the guy who hurts everybody who loves him. her fight or flight responses kick in, and she chooses the one she always chooses. loki’s attempts to reassure her fall on deaf ears, not just because she doesn’t want to trust him, but because she’s physically incapable of it. she makes the short-sighted decision of brute force, just like she did back on lamentis, because it’s all she’s ever known, and the cause she’s dedicated her life to.

from the outside, it looks like sylvie was the one who betrayed loki, but things look pretty different from where she’s standing.

this is why i take issue with people calling sylvie a ‘villain’ or questioning whether this was her plan for the start. in my opinion, her motivations line up pretty clearly as a creature of habit, one who panics at the first hint of smoke and pushes away the first person she’s been able to bond with for the sake of self-preservation. did she make the wrong decision? unquestionably - the effects of her actions will no doubt plague the multiverse (and the mcu, for us) for as long as they go unchecked. but she made the only decision she was capable of making, and that’s not villainous, just tragic.

conclusion

well, this is a kind of depressing way to finish this post. for what it’s worth, though, i don’t think sylvie is a doomed character. regardless of how brief it was, she did show a real connection with loki. just because something requires a lot of healing doesn’t make it impossible. this is why i like sylvie as a character so much; she’s deeply flawed and complex, but that complexity makes her interesting, and relatable. marvel has a long history of sexy lamps and supposed ‘tortured backstories’, but sylvie is the first time they paid attention to this with their character writing without having to give somebody a wholeass prequel movie. with loki confirmed to appear in multiverse of madness, i’m hoping we see more of sylvie - not as a villain, but as a hero who can overcome her past experiences and rise to better things.

or maybe another kang shows up and kills her immediately. who knows.

[365days365movies]

January 22, 2021: The Secret Garden (1993)

I KNOW that I’ve read this book. Right?

You know that book that you were supposed to read in middle school, and supposedly did read, but then don’t remember...AT ALL? Like, 5th, 6th grade, especially. Let’s see, there’s Island of the Blue Dolphins (vaguely remember that one), Where the Red Fern Grows (ugh, dog books. They all end the same), From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler (kind of remember that one), Anne of Green Gables (nope, completely gone), The Phantom Tollbooth (inhabits my head rent-free 24-7; RIP Norton Juster, he signed a collector’s edition for me once), A Wrinkle in Time (ditto), Bridge to Terabithia (which I read when I was 8, so...yikes), The Indian and the Cupboard, so on and so forth.

The Secret Garden is totally one of those, right?

Gonna be honest with you guys, I remember NOTHING about this story. But, it’s a fantasy movie, it’s a British classic, it’s been made into a few films...I feel like I owe it to me child self to try and remember this thing. And hey, maybe this movie’ll jog those memories a little, right?

Well, let’s do it! Let’s just jump in! I’m in the mood for some gardening! Hell, it’s the perfect day for it, given that it’s the first day of spring! So, let’s go! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

We start in an unexpected place: a desert. Apparently (and much to my surprise), this is India, the birthplace of Mary Lennox (Kate Maberly).

Mary is a 10-year-old English girl, unhappy with her life in India. Her father is always away, and her mother has parties, to which she’s never invited, and has never truly experienced love from them. She’s always angry, but can never cry, as she’s never learned how. But as unhappy as she is, she’s still greatly affected when a massive earthquake topples her home, and kills her parents. And with that, the orphaned Mary is set to England, where nobody is there to pick her up.

Until, of course, the late arrival of Mrs. Medlock (Maggie Smith), the head housekeeper of Mary’s uncle, Lord Craven. Mrs. Medlock is a harsh woman in her own right, and basically insults Mary RIGHT in front of her, and not even to her face. Jesus, this is a charming family, huh? They make their way to the expansive manor, where Mary also learns that her maternal aunt (and her mother’s twin sister) has died, leaving Craven bereft and broken.

The next morning, Mary gets a harsh awakening when she finds that she’s not going to get the pampering she’s been accustomed to for her entire life, nor is she likely to even meet her uncle at any point. It’s a massive change from India, that’s for sure. This is intensified by her exploration of the house, which she describes as dead, as if a spell was cast on it. And this place is indeed pretty spooky. Vast and expansive, yet empty and unused.

She stumbles upon her aunt’s room, identical to that of her late mother, and continues where wandering through the mansion. She hears someone crying, only to run into Mrs. Medlock, who tries to tell her that it’s only dogs that she heard, and hurriedly rushes her back to her room. Shortly afterwards, she meets Martha Sowerby (Laura Corssley), the kind young servant of Mrs. Medlock, and now the attendant for Mary herself.

Martha seems like a nice girl, but her first interaction with the stuck-up Mary goes poorly at first, with Martha’s very talkative mannerisms rubbing Mary the wrong way. But, after an argument, Mary acquiesces a bit, and Mary learns that her uncle will eventually want to speak with her. But when is...unknown.

One day, after learning about Martha’s younger brother Dickon, Mary is allowed to go outside to explore the grounds, and to find the garden. There, she finds a walled-in garden of ivy, which belonged to her late aunt that died 10 years prior. She learns this information from Ben Weatherstaff (Walter Sparrow), the gardener, who states that the only thing that gets in the garden now is a European robin (Erithacus rubecula). Which we had those here, but I still like American robins (Turdus migratorius).

As Mary tries to get information from the robin, a young man spies her talking to him, and runs away to a white horse. The next day, Martha gives Mary a jump rope, which she actually appreciates, once she learns how to use it. She goes out to the garden, where she meets the gardener and the robin again, and the robin has apparently decided to be friends with Mary, And so, I name this robin Christopher (a European robin), BECAUSE I CAN, DON’T @ ME

She again asks Christopher how to get into the Hundred-Acre Garden, and he takes her through the wall of the garden. However, she still cannot get past the gates, as there’s a lock needed. However, Mary goes back to the house and grabs it, as she’d previously discovered the key’s location. And so, she makes it into the garden.

Said garden is sadly mostly dead, but you can see the former splendor of the garden despite that. She makes her way through the dried plants, and finds a MASSIVE complex there. It was clearly quite the place ten years ago, and Mary agrees She even finds plants growing there again, as she and Christopher walk around. Also, are European robins not migratory? Because it seems like this is fall, and Christopher should’ve moved on by now. Just looked it up, and they’re apparently resident in England and Ireland. Go figure!

Mary keeps going back to the secret garden (ROLL CREDITS), and she one day meets Dickon (Andrew Knott), the younger brother of Martha, and a keeper on animals on the property. Upon seeing him speak with Robin, she reluctantly invites him to see the Secret Garden, as he claims that he can determine whether or not it’s alive. He can, and he does, and the two form a friendship in the garden.

We also learn from Dickon that Mary’s aunt died by accident, falling off of a swing in the garden, which we previously saw surrounded by dead leaves. Some good direction, that was.

That night, Mary has a dream about her mother, beckoning her into the garden when she’s only a baby. She wakes up from the dream, and hears the mysterious crying person from earlier, cascading down the hallways. About as curious as I am about this, she wanders around, and finds the source of the crying: Mary’s cousin, Colin Craven (Heydon Prowse).

Colin is the son of Lord Craven and Mary’s aunt, and a very melancholy young man. He can’t get any sleep, and when Mary has the idea to fetch Mrs. Medlock to help, he asks her not to, as she will not let the two talk, and he’s terrifically lonely. They share things about their mother, and about themselves. Colin’s a very troubled young man, who’s spent his whole life in bed. He’s also been told that his mother died in childbirth. Curious.

The next day, Mary and Dickon are again attending to the garden, and Mary shares that she’s met Colin, which very few people can claim. She continues to spend more time with Colin, who is convinced that he’s fated to die, and has never even learned to walk. Just like Mary, Colin has been spoiled all his life as well, and has been told how fragile he is all of his life. Medlock also insists that people wear masks whenever they’re...near him. Well. That’s terrifyingly relevant, innit?

Mary is nearly caught spending time with Colin, which is forbidden to all but a select few, and Martha discovers her instead. Both of them ask her to leave, so she can avoid being caught. Soon afterwards, Lord Craven returns to the estate, after having been away for a very long time. And FINALLY, Mary gets to meet Lord Archibald Craven (John Lynch), a deeply unhappy man who is extraordinarily melancholy as well. However, his spirits are slightly lifted when he meets Mary, who’s the spitting image of her mother and aunt.

During their somewhat awkward meeting, Mary manages to get the Lord to unknowingly give her the garden to plant her garden in. He states that he’ll again be leaving for the winter, and the excited Mary immediately goes to tell Dickon that they’ll be allowed to plant in the garden. Nature appears to comply, as it begins to rain to help the garden grow.

Mary continues to bond with both the down-to-earth Dickon, and the spoiled-rotten Colin. In the case of Colin, he’s also quite unhappy because his father never comes to see him. Mary learns that this is because his father is afraid to fall in love with him, and afraid to lose him like he lost his wife. But he actually regularly visits him, while Colin is asleep.

He leaves that night, and as soon as the spring is set to arrive. And arrive it does, and the garden grows even greater. Mary, at this point, has also mostly abandoned her previously spoiled and ill-tempered ways. But not her stubbornness, as seen when she gets Dickon to help rip off the boards from Colin’s windows, exposing him to the sun and opening the windows.

Mary goes to help Dickon, but Colin FREAKS THE FUCK OUT, throwing a massive fit that nobody can seem to stop. But Mary is DONE with his goddamn bullshit, and finally snaps him out of it. Just then, Medlock sees this and blames Martha for letting Mary in, slapping her in the face! Goddamn, Medlock! But Colin’s seemingly also had enough, and sends Mrs. Medlock out! She complies, although she fears that this will be the death of him.

Colin now realizes that he probably isn’t dying after al, and Mary now tells him about his mother’s garden. These stories invigorate Colin, and with the help of Mary and Dickon, he goes outside for the first time, and they take him to the The Secret Garden.

Also, can I just say, there are a FUCKTON of animals on this property, and I have no idea why. They’re DIckon’s animals, apparently, but there are a lot of animals there, just saying.

After quite a bit of hard work, Dickon and Mary have made the The Secret Garden something...well, frankly, kind of magical. It’s beautiful, especially now that spring has arrived, and it makes me want to go outside. Unfortunately, it’s fuckin’ 43 °F right now, and I have work in, like, an hour, so I’ll have to wait for a warm weekend.

Colin is as in love with the garden as I am, and wants to come back the next day. But their reverie is somewhat interrupted by the arrival of the gardener, who is surprised to see Colin out of the house, as he’d heard that he was completely unable to walk. And Colin disproves this by standing up in his chair, for possibly the first time. And from there, the group invites the gardener in the maintain the garden as well. Also, Colin starts to think that the garden is magic, and also sort of proposes to his cousin, which is weird (and Mary points this out), but whatever, moving on (for now).

They visit the garden over and over, and Colin eventually teaches himself to walk. He wants to show his father, but they don’t quite know how to find him. In snooping about for an address where they could find him, they find photographs of him and Colin’s mother, which then makes me realize...when does this movie take place? The original book by Frances Hodgson Burnett was written in 1911, and takes place at that time. And knowing that now, the fashions are pretty Edwardian England. Hadn’t really thought about it, but yeah, that seems about right.

They actually find an old camera and take pictures of each other. Also, there’s totally a scene where Mary and Dickon look at each other a liiiiiiittle too long, and Colin gets jealous, but WE’RE GONNA IGNORE THAT (FOR NOW) AND MOVE ON. Mrs. Medlock still believes that Colin’s sick, despite his insistence to the contrary, and forbids him to go to the garden. Mrs. Medlock is basically going through Munchhausen’s by Proxy at this point, and blooms into a full-fledged villain here.

Not that it matters too much, as the three kids eventually a way to escape. And they decide to try and summon Colin’s dad with...well, with a magic ritual. OK. They go to the garden, set a fire, and chant around it, with the intent to bring Lord Craven back to the manor via mystic means, so that Colin can show him his progress. But that’s not going to work...right?

Actualy...it might. Because Craven ends up having a dream of Lilias Craven (Irène Jacob), his late wife and Colin’s mother, whose name I only know NOW because of subtitles. In the dream, she is calling to him from the garden, and when Craven wakes up, he leaves without hesitation and heads back to the manor immediately, to the surprise of EVERYBODY.

Freaking the absolute fuck OUT, he goes to Mrs. Medlock to find his son, only to find that he’s no longer in his bed. Mrs. Medlock insists that Mary is killing Colin with her wild ways, and has no regard for his fragile state of being. He asks to be taken to her, and they discover that she’s also gone, having somehow escaped a locked room. And that is when Martha suggests that they’re in the garden.

Medlock insists that she’s done her absolute best, but Craven angrily rebukes her. She resigns on the spot, and breaks down on the stairs as Craven goes to find his son. Martha, even faithful and ever kind, comforts Mrs. Medlock, who really was trying her best, despite her rough ways of doing so. Meanwhile, Craven makes his way to the garden, where he finds his son walking and happily playing. He’s overjoyed by the sight of his totally fine son, and Colin is excited back. The father and son are FINALLY united.

But Mary is...less happy. As she sees Colin happily reunite with his father, she runs off, with Dickon in hot pursuit. She believes that nobody wants her, and that she’s now destined to be abandoned again. However, she’s eventually followed by Colin and Craven, and Craven asks why she’s so upset.

She believes that the garden will be closed again, now that Craven’s discovered it, and that she will be cast to the wayside. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth, as Craven welcomes both the garden and Mary into their family to stay. Which is...lovely. It’s quite frankly a lovely turn of events. Together, they head back to the manor, where Medlock gets to see Colin walking, which she actually didn’t believe was possible. The entire household is brought out of their melancholy, Medlock included. And the garden is now open permanently. And Mary closes us out with this line:

If you look the right way, the whole world is a garden.

...I’m not crying. I’m not. My eyes are a little misty, but I’m not crying. But, uh...I’m gonna go outside. That was The Secret Garden! See you in the Review.

[ajokeformur-ray]

So... how about a empathetic reader who works in the same hospital that Arthur is at the end of the movie? Like, she is the lastest one who takes care of him, or something like that. Pretty please? And, can it have like kisses and fluff stuff? I'M WEAR FOR ARTHUR FLECK.

Swearing, complete inaccuracies with the legal system (creative license is my excuse and I’m sticking to it but if the lack of policies in this Arkham piece will bother you (like undoing his handcuffs because they’re hurting him, bringing food in for him, kissing him etc, I’d advise skipping it sksksks), Arthur smokes, SPOILERS and I think that’s it. I’m not sure if this is relevant but just in case - the reader has a flexible morality and some parts of the narrative are questionable. This is intentional. Also - the staff and hospital is described as being a total shit show because it’s what works for this piece sksksks I took a lot of liberties with this one lmao.

Also, as always, I teared up at this GIF. He’s so beautiful and so hurt and most of the film could have been avoided if someone had just hugged him ohhh :(((

Word count: 2, 638.

“Oh, here, Arthur,” You leaned across the cold metal table with your lighter, cupping a hand in the air underneath the tobacco end of the cigarette, which was already dangling from Arthur’s thin lips, “Let me get that for you.” You lit it easily, your hands steadier than you had thought that they would be. Immediately did Arthur’s lips purse as he took a long deep drag of the cigarette; his hypnotic green eyes closing in relief at that first hit of nicotine. 

It was close to three in the afternoon and you were the only staff member in the whole of Arkham State Hospital who was nice to Arthur. Everyone else treated him the way that he was used to - like he was a freak, a disease, someone to be watched and not extended a single modicum of kindness. But you… you had been warned away from ‘that one’. All you had seen upon first meeting Arthur was a man broken down by the world, a man who had said fuck the world and given into his impulses, his truest self, when he could no longer stand how the world had treated him and if you were being honest with yourself, you couldn’t deny that his motives behind the murder of public figure Murray Franklin made sense to you. He had been publicly humiliated and scorned and in a fit of rage had he finally expressed all that had been against him from the very start. You had read his case file extensively after being told to avoid him by almost everyone - staff members and patients alike (the more coherent ones, at least) - and you had come to one decision after a few weeks of fighting against yourself:

You were going to be kind to Arthur Fleck.

You hadn’t told anyone about your decision. It wasn’t because you were afraid of what people would think of you, but it was because you didn’t care about their opinions. None of them had bothered to try to understand him, whereas you were going to be kind to Arthur because he intrigued you; you were a naturally empathetic person and you had a soft spot for the slightly damaged and the broken. You couldn’t watch a film if animals were harmed in it; even obviously animated animals getting hurt made you cry in horror and disgust. You couldn’t handle the sight of pain in others and to see so much of it in one case file and to then be presented with the man himself walking hunched into his own body; his shoulders curved inwards, his head down, his feet shuffling instead of his taking proper steps was just too much for you to take. You had cried over a good eighty percent of his case file, your heart breaking for this one man. Never had you felt such a strong undeniable urge to protect someone before. You lamented the fact that you hadn’t met him before this day; surely if you had, this whole thing could have been avoided. It was like Arthur was apologising for his own existence in the way that he tried to occupy as little physical space as possible. To see the evidence of Arthur’s life in one manilla file and to then meet the man himself had been all the information you had needed to decide that people were wrong about him. He had done bad things, this was true, and you took great care to remind yourself of the fact that this man had brutally murdered people, but you couldn’t find it within yourself to ostracise him for it. What he had done wasn’t excusable and you couldn’t condone his actions even to yourself, but his descent was explainable.

So sure of your decision had you chucked yourself down the rabbit hole head first without even considering the implications on your continued employment at Arkham State Hospital if anyone came to learn of your affections for Arthur. You took on sole responsibility of his case, you bought him quality cigarettes with your own money, you bought him in food that you had made yourself… You told no one of these things, of the little ways in which you tried your best to take care of him despite all he had done to wind up here. Once that white door had closed upon you and Arthur for his daily therapy sessions were you granted privacy with each other. You recorded your conversations but the two of you had learned to read each other relatively quickly and as such, those moments where the verbal conversation lulled to a temporary halt were moments in which you had a discussion with your eyes, your hand reaching across the table to touch the back of his. You were careful to unlock Arthur’s handcuffs much of the time so that the chains didn’t clink against the cold metal table; though the metal bracelets were still secured around his wrists, you separated him from the chain so he had some freedom of movement in these sessions. Having spent much of his childhood being chained to radiators and the like, you were sure that his trauma would be triggered by being restrained to a table. You helped Arthur in any way you could and before you knew it, months had gone by and you were well and truly caught in the spider’s web.

Arthur pulled the cigarette away from his mouth and tilted his head up towards the ceiling to exhale; the wispy tendrils of smoke curling gently before they dissipated in the cool air of the impersonal, stark room. “Thank you.” The words were quietly spoken and your trained ears picked up on a soft note of gratitude as he allowed some emotions to creep into his voice. You smiled by way of saying ‘you’re welcome’ and distracted yourself while you willed yourself not to blush by opening the daily used case file which was thicker now with therapy sessions shoved in the back. The notes were all loose leaf and you despaired at the lack of care being shown towards Arthur. What was the point of keeping him here if no one was going to take their government appointed responsibility seriously? The head of Arkham may as well have let Arthur out for all the good the establishment was doing for him. 

“Have you eaten lunch?”

“No,” A sigh. His lack of elaboration in answer to your raised eyebrow had told you everything that you needed to know - he had either not been hungry at the time or he had been denied a meal. You cared little for what the reason was so long as he could eat now. Arthur took another drag on his cigarette, a quicker one this time, and he turned his head upwards once more to exhale; he was considerate of your distaste for his smoking and showed his gratitude in your supplying him with cigarettes despite your personal views on the habit by showing you great courtesy when he did smoke in front of you. You couldn’t have denied him this one vice if you had tried - goodness knew how mad you would go if you couldn’t have your own fix every day. 

You reached under the table with one hand, keeping your eyes on Arthur’s as you fumbled in your bag and pulled out a Tupperware box. The box was see through and you saw a light come into Arthur’s eyes which had nothing to do with the harsh overheads which could have used a gentler light bulb; for all the patients here which struggled with over stimulation and light sensitivity, staff showed little concern. Gotham was a total shit show and you hated everything about the suffocating place. It seemed that, even though Arkham State Hospital was on the outskirts of Gotham, it was still susceptible to the same toxins which circulated throughout the city. You set the box down, pushing it towards Arthur, and moved to separate his handcuffs from the chain. Your gaze, which was still holding his, very clearly said, you know the rules and he nodded once slowly, a smirk on his face, to show his understanding. 

You were the only staff member Arthur would ‘behave’ for and often were you called in at odd hours off the clock to ‘sort the fucking clown out’. You didn’t mind, not really. You had gained some strange reputation in Arkham and even the meaner patients, the ones who were especially volatile and unpredictable, left you alone. It hadn’t taken you long to figure out that Arthur had given you some kind of honourary protection in your taking on his case, though you suspected that it was more the way you treated him which had granted you this unofficial protection, and less to do with the fact that you had his case file.

Arthur peered into the box and looked sharply back up at you. “How did you know that this was my favourite food?”

You smiled and shrugged. “I pay attention. Eat. You must be starving.” You pushed plastic cutlery his way - you couldn’t get proper utensils past security no matter what you said to them - and leaned back in your chair, glancing over the therapy notes from yesterday with curiosity. You used the notes to hide the way your eyes were fixed on Arthur’s face. You were far too invested in him for your own good and though you knew it couldn’t end well, you were determined to see it through to the very end, come what may.

At the first hesitant bite did Arthur’s eyes flutter closed as he chewed and you smiled. “Good?”

“So good,” He took a second, bigger bite and your smile widened as affection bloomed in your chest.

Silence fell once more as Arthur ate, punctuating his bites with drags on his cigarette, which was almost down to the filter now. He coughed lightly at one point and though he hadn’t said anything, you hadn’t needed him to as you reached into your bag, unscrewed the cap top and put the plastic bottle of water in front of Arthur. 

Half of his food was left in the tub as he looked at the water. There was something in his eyes which you were having trouble reading.

“What is it, lo - Arthur?” You had almost slipped up, called him love and the way Arthur smirked up at you briefly before he looked back to the water told you that he had noticed your near mistake. There was no denying it if he ever decided to call you out on what you had just almost said. You knew even without really thinking about it that you wouldn’t deny anything he accused you of in this vein; all of it was true. All of it.

“You’re always so kind to me,” He frowned down at the table, nimble fingers plucking at the chain you had released him from so that he could eat without having to sit uncomfortably. 

“Well, yeah, it’s my job. I took an oath to care for - “

Staring off into space, his cigarette burnt out now, the end smouldering but still lightly held between his nicotine stained fingers, did Arthur shake his head. “No,” He interrupted you, “This is more than an oath of care.” He turned his head to meet your eyes full on and with a cocky smirk tugging at the edges of his mouth did he say, “You better be careful.”

Anger rose quickly and you almost said something but then you caught another hint of some emotion flash through his eyes, like a trick of the light did he school his facial expressions so fast. You saw a desperate pleading, you saw… you saw need. Arthur wasn’t warning or threatening you, he was asking you to be careful. If you both got caught, if you got found out on supplying a patient with food made outside the premises or buying and lighting him cigarettes - which were allowed within the hospital but only a specific brand not available to the public domain - if you got caught letting him out of the chains just so he could move a little freer, if you got caught having personal conversations with him, it’d all be over. You’d be taken off the case, more than likely dismissed or fired or transferred elsewhere, and you would never see Arthur again. He would lose the only good in his life - a secret though it was, it was his good. 

In short, Arthur watched as you saw through his mask, through his cryptic statements, You saw him and he felt an unfamiliar heat blooming in his chest. So closely was he staring at you that he saw the precise moment of understanding dawn on your face and he smirked with pride. He could always count on you to understand.

In the end, you didn’t answer him verbally. You held a cigarette out to him, the filter facing him, and you held his green oceans as he parted his lips and allowed you to place the filter between them. You lit the cigarette with a slight shake to your hand and Arthur moved somewhat awkwardly to rest his hand over yours, the lighter firm in your grip.

“Thank you.” He wasn’t just thanking you for the cigarettes and you both knew it.

“You’re welcome.” You smiled and Arthur felt an urge to kiss you. He followed it and used his grip on you to pull you down to his eye level. You gasped, shocked by the sudden movement; your heart began to pound but you weren’t afraid. “Arthur, what - “

“Shshsh, I’m not going to hurt you.” He smirked, the expression at complete odds with how softly he had reassured you in that same moment, and took the cigarette from his mouth, tilting his head and upper body backwards using the back of the metal chair to exhale, keeping the toxins as far from you as he could given how closely you were now. You were leaning over the table, your belt buckle pressed against your stomach, your face close to Arthur’s. “I’m going to kiss you. Is that okay?”

The look in his eyes told you that he was serious about kissing you but if you didn’t want to, he wouldn’t make you. He would just never ask you for anything like this again. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity for him; never again would anybody see him and care for him the way that you did.

“Okay.” A breathy exhale and Arthur smiled. It was a real, genuine smile and you felt your own lips quirking upwards in reply. You met in the middle, neither of you consciously moving, and your lips barely grazed each other’s. He kissed you so slowly, so slowly, that it made your heart bleed for him. He had a big heart, this you had come to know, and as you pulled away from him with the desperate need for oxygen did you meet his eyes again. His eyes roamed about your face as if he was desperately trying to memorise your face in this moment and that look in your eyes. “How about we get you out of here, hm?”

A look of confusion, a startled laugh, and Arthur nodded his head in agreement. Yes. It was high time that the Crown Prince of Gotham got back to work. The city needed him, after all, and he needed you. It would take weeks of careful planning, an elaborate distraction and a getaway car with a willing driver to get him out of Arkham, but he was a Joker and you were the ace up his sleeve.

The Arthur Fleck/Joker Defense Squad @writings-of-a-gen-z      @x-avantgarde-x       @insomniabird      @mavalenovaninagavi     @itwasrealenough     @morrisonmercurymalek     @rand0ms-fand0ms     @rafaelina-casillas     @aclownthing      @rebs-doom      @vivft       @help-i-am-obssessed      @autumnaffection       @taintednihilist   @vladtoly   @mg-woolf99      @misstgrey92  @that-s-life   @dopey-girl-blogs  @seeking-dreamland      @sweetheart-syndrome      @heartxfdesire  @xmusichealsthesoulx       @0callmejude0      @the-one-that-likes-riddles        @hannibalsslut       @folliaght  @freeeshavacadoo         @bingewatchingmylifegoby       @unlovedbyeveryoneandeverything  @okamiredfoxx       @sp0okysp0oky  @the-pandorabox      @mardema  @jibanyyan  @honeyflvredcoughdrop  @emissarydecksetter  @jokerfleckk  @epidendroideae  @chuuntas  @stillmabel  @pumpkinpeyes  @onehystericalqueenposts  @the-jokers-wolf  @nalsswa  @justahyena  @arianatheangelworld  @soullessblondbitch  @gothamslittlejester  @twentyonestarrynights  @sirianfromsixties  @kissmeclownman  @joker-is-my-hero  @lazyloosah  @lovesickkloxx  @ladylovelyluna  @live-love-loki  @clownerybbxx   @tragicarthur    @anmach123     @rommie-chan      @arthurflock     @lucyboytom      @anti-peach     @ immortal-bi-bitch    @hearthurfleck      @crazieroutthere      @curlystark     @hailmary-yramliah    @sagyunaro     @playinthedarktillitsgoldenagain     @jokeringcutio      @xenthefox   @mijachula @stcrrynightsinneverlcnd      @cheyennejonas22    @mrjfleck      @pauli1100     @smitten-susie    @actualkey     @callmejokerfleck   @jaylovesbats    @itsforyoubitch      @ridiculousnerd     @killerprotector3579       @soulsdontbreaktheybeeend     @fantasticwinnerclodexpert       @arthurs-sweater      @pinkie44pie    @tsukiakarinobara      @prettyxlittlexpsychoxprincess     @darkvampiplier     @yours-mia    @rustyt33th     @parkdonghoons      @lady-carnivals-stuff

[honeyoongiah]

Most beautiful coincidence

Pairings: Yoongi x Elly (reader)

Genre: Bookworm! Yoongi AU, fluff

Words: 2.9k

Warnings: none!

Summary: Yoongi spent most of his time in the universities library with his nose in some books to escape from reality. At least until Elly decided to sit on the other side of the shelf and showed him that love stories don't just exist in books.

A/N: another Oneshot that has a special place in my heart. I hope you'll feel the warmth that I felt during the writing process.

It was a surprisingly hot november day as Elly walked down the hallways of her college. Packed with countless books, she made her way to the library to learn how she always did for exams.

The room was cold because the air conditioner tried its best to fight the heat, so she quickly started to shiver in her top and cursed the long summer.

"Isn't it supposed to be a little colder outside?", she mumbled to herself while walking through the library searching for that one book she knew she'd need. Everyone was silent so she tried to be as well, but apparently someone on the other side of the shelf noticed her.

"Global warming."

It was the voice of a boy, but she couldn't see him through the books. He sounded a little annoyed but maybe that was just his normal tone, she wouldn't know.

"I-I'm sorry I didn't want to disturb you.", she said in worry. Most of the people here got really mad for being interrupted and she understood. This was a place of silence to study, but she couldn't control her mumbling sometimes.

The voice buzzed something that sounded like "it's okay" and Elly started to relax again. Just as she looked for a table to sit on, she realized that she was a little too late with that. Every single chair was already taken and she ran her fingers through her hair.

What should she do now?

Well, obviously there were people sitting on the ground in between the shelfs just as this mysterious boy she couldn't see. "Hey uhm, sorry for bothering you again but would you mind if I sit here? The library is full."

"No.", he answered shortly before there was silence again. "Thank you.", Elly answered and smiled friendly until she realized he wouldn't see it.

She had to admit it was somehow calming to know that there was someone right next to her, even if they weren't talking and didn't even know each other.

Sitting down and taking some notes, she didn't realize how time flew by.

"Ohh god I gotta go or I'll miss my lecture.", she talked to herself again and got up, packing her things in a rush.

"Don't run with books in your hand, though. It'll be dangerous for them... and for you too.", the boy answered again, sounding a little amused by his own comment.

"I won't be a threat to the books, I promise. I don't know if I can say the same about me, though.", Elly chuckled. She didn't feel right to just go without saying anything. "So uhm... Goodbye."

"Bye."

With that said she began to rush, but without running, so she wouldn't miss informations that were relevant to her exam.

____

Just a day went by and she had to visit the library again. Without really thinking about it she ended up in the same spot she was yesterday. It had something calming not to sit together with all that stressed and desperate students.

Elly sat down again and leaned her back against the shelf made of wood. She was curious now. Was she alone, or did he happen to be here too?

"Mysterious boy from yesterday? Are you here?"

First there was silence and she already thought that he wasn't here, until she heard a dark chuckle from the other side. "Mysterious boy, huh."

"Oh hello, you're actually here again."

"Well, actually this is my favorite spot since I first entered this college. So I'm rather surprised of you being here again.", he explained and Ellys eyes grew big. "Oh I didn't intend to steal it from you, I'm sorry."

"You didn't. You're on the other side of the shelf."

"Well that's true."

The silence broke over them again, although she began to like talking to him. It had something carefree and noncommittal. So unlike what she felt at the university. He cleared his throat and seemed to be focussed again to what Elly couldn't see from here. Again many minutes passed before he was the one breaking the silence for the first time. "Are you doing well? The subject should be particularly difficult this semester."

Elly sighed and when he heard that, he immediately laughed. "Okay, I have my answer."

"No joke, it's terrible. But I can do it. Thanks for asking."

Suddenly she felt an object pressed against her back, but without hurting her. Amazed, she looked at the book the boy had handed her through the shelf. His hand was thin, his fingers long and also narrow and defined by bones and veins. "Here, that helped me a lot last year."

Fleetingly, she flipped through it and realized immediately how useful it would be for her. "Oh my god, thank you, that will help!"

"My pleasure."

"By the way, my name is Elly. You said the book really helped you last year, so you're a year above me?" For a few seconds she had to wait for an answer and thought he hadn't heard her or didn't want to talk, but then she heard him. "My name is Min Yoongi and yes, I am one year ahead of you."

Elly gave a low ah and nodded her head. "I have never heard of you, although I know so many students here." A few students tried to pass her, but with so many books in the way it was a lot harder. Elly looked at them with an apologetic look. "That doesn't surprise me. I don't even think my lecturer knows that I exist. At least they can't connect my name with a face. I don't go to many lectures, because I rather teach everything myself and spend my time here."

"It's impressive that you can teach yourself.", she marveled, shuddering just at the thought of trying. Sure, she was good at learning on her own but it helped immensely if someone explained it to her. "I just don't like being around People much, I prefer the company of books of all kinds."

"You just weren't around the right People then, Yoongi.", she spoke her thoughts out loud and hoped she didn't cross a line. "You're probably right but I don't even try anymore."

"That's sad though. You might miss someone very special."

The usual silence greeted them again as Yoongi thought about her words.

He really didn't have much emotional connections since he was young, he early began to bury his nose in books he found interesting. The genre didn't really matter to him as long as it had a happy ending.

Yoongi knew that sounded cheesy but he just didn't feel right when stories ended with heartbreak or other pain. He liked to feel that comfortable warmth of satisfaction when everything turned out to be okay.

It was so far from reality, maybe that was what kept him reading all day. He found the real world terrible, not knowing if there will be a happy end for anyone and not being able to skip through the bad parts if he'd like to.

Books never hurt your feelings or leave you behind.

Books were so much more comforting than dealing with his actual life and the people around him. It was definitely way more fun.

"I have to go now.", he told her and got up from the ground. Elly heard the rustling noises next to her and tried to see him through the mass of books next to her, but besides his black pants she didn't see much.

"Okay Yoongi. I hope we'll talk tomorrow?", she asked casually which made him froze in his movements. Why would she want to talk to him again? "Sure. I'll be here.", he answered though, a light smile gracing his face.

_____

A few weeks passed by and Elly couldn't imagine not being in the library every day anymore. She started talking to Yoongi in her free time on the same spot as the day before. And they talked about everything.

The topic didn't really matter, they always managed to find something to say. Either they discussed something and shared their opinions, which were very often the same, or they opened up about personal issues and feelings.

He opened up about his past and why he became so distant, the whole issue with his parents and how they never understood him the way he needed.

Yoongi never did that before. But it felt right to finally do and when he heard Elly saying that this wasn't his fault he knew that he needed to hear that at least once.

Elly talked about her past broken friendships and relationships who hurt her deeply and made her insecure. She told him that she often felt she wasn't enough and he reassured that this feeling wasn't valid.

To him she was enough.

He held her hand through the shelf when he heard her snuffling and brushed his thumb over her skin to calm her a little.

Sometimes they just enjoyed knowing the other one was right beside them when they had tough days or were feeling like a more silent day. They didn't need to talk.

Slowly they became really close although they still didn't know how the other one looked like. It didn't matter to them, they found it funny and special.

Even her grades got better because he always helped her when she needed someone to explain it again. He was calm, patient and didn't set her under any pressure. She felt comfortable telling him when she had a problem.

"Hey Yoongs, I'm back.", she greeted him and sat down on her favorite place in this university. Maybe even in general. "Hey Elly, I've missed you."

"I missed you too. How was your day?", she asked and placed her hand in the shelf which he immediately took into his. That was a new habit that neither of them knew how it began but they enjoyed it.

"It was fine. I took a look on the new curriculum for my semester and learned a few things in advance. Then I started a new book and read it until you came. What about you?"

"You're incredible. How do you teach yourself the whole fucking curriculum? I'll never understand. Can I have your brain please?", she grumbled but still with admiration for him. "You're incredibly intelligent Elly. Don't put yourself down so much." - "T-thank you."

He squeezed her hand and chuckled when he noticed that she was flustered. "It's the truth. I really think you are amazing in any way possible but you need to see it yourself."

"You're so kind. So supportive and caring. I think you are amazing too Yoongi.", she answered while smiling and stared out of the window.

"Would you mind coming over to the other side and sit next to me?", Yoongi asked and took her by surprise. It wasn't that she didn't want to, but that somehow made her nervous. "How come so suddenly?"

"I don't know... I just feel like it. You don't have to though."

"N-no I want to! Wait I'll come.", she quickly said and let go of him to stand up, which made her feel incomplete for a moment. With these words Yoongi felt nervous now too.

He would look the person who knows him best now, with his good sides but all his flaws too, in the eyes for the first time.

Elly was thinking about the same things too. It was somehow scary, but in a good way. She was curious how he looked like, but she was insecure about showing herself. Will he think I'm pretty? Why does that matter to me?

Slowly, but not too slowly for Yoongi to notice how unsure she was, she walked around the shelf that separated them for the past months now and immediately met two dark brown eyes looking at her.

She smiled shyly and sat down next to him.

Yoongi was too overwhelmed to really hide his staring. He admired every inch of her, trying to imprint the details of her face in his mind. She truly was beautiful to him.

He gently stroked a wisp of hair behind her ear and made her blush. Without him noticing she was admiring him too. His blonde hair she'd really like to touch, his brown eyes which sent out warmth and looked so vulnerable and his soft looking red lips.

"So... uhm what are you reading at the moment?", she tried to break the tension between the two, even though it felt good having his eyes on her. "Oh, I'm reading a novel about- wait do you really want to know?" - "You like the book don't you? So yes I do want to know."

His lips parted while he thought about where to start. He took the book in his hands and let his fingertips run over the cover. "Well, it's about a young detective who tries to solve a murder in the city he lives in, near his own home. He consults a lot of people and there is where he meets this woman for the first time."

Elly listened to him with honest interest and Yoongi didn't feel so good in years. He wasn't used to people caring about what he was reading, but she did. "He starts to develop feelings, but she's the prime suspect in his case. Although he really wants to believe her that she is innocent, everything speaks against her. So he's in a big discrepance."

While he continues talking about how they try to find the real murderer and that Yoongi still isn't sure if she is innocent but hopes for it because he wants a happy end, Elly noticed the sparkle in his eyes.

She could see how comfortable and happy he was feeling right now and she couldn't suppress a loving smile. "And then he- wait why are you smiling?", he interrupted himself and looked at her confused.

"You just look so happy. It makes me smile.", she blurred out and felt shy about it right away. "I uhm... yes I am. I enjoy spending time with you."

Elly didn't know how much time passed while she looked into his eyes, she could drown in them. Only his voice brought her back. "Would you like to spend time with me outside of this library?"

"Y-yes! Of course. I know a better library only 20 minutes away from here.", she teased him and he laughed. It took every nervousness away. "I'm serious Elly. I don't know much about these things, but I know that I want to spend more time with you. Would you like to go eat something after lecture today?"

He found her so cute with red cheeks, it suited her overall cuteness he thought. "Yes Yoongi, I'd love to."

Her words made him weak, he never experienced something like this before. Yoongi only read about it in books.

Was it really his turn this time? Is it possible that he could be as happy as the characters in his books? Was he really blessed to experience something like that too?

These thoughts didn't leave him when they both left the university for today. Yoongi suggested to go to one of her favorite restaurants if she has one, since he didn't really go out much.

Quickly they figured they didn't want to sit inside though, but just get something and go to a place Yoongi told her about a few times. It was a single bench in the middle of nowhere but with a beautiful view of the city.

"You said you like reading here if you're not in the library, right?", Elly asked when in between her bites. "Yes. It's so calming and silent here. It's my special place."

Elly put her box down and parted her lips, just like she wanted to say something, but remained silent. "What did you want to say?", Yoongi asked because of course he noticed. He looked only at her, even though his favorite view was right in front of him.

"It's nothing. I'm embarrassed to say it.", she admitted and buried her face in her hands. Yoongi was sure he never saw something so pure. "It's okay, you don't have to be ashamed of anything. Just tell me.", he said and came a little closer.

He took one of her hands and held her just as he did many times while they were hanging out in the library. Both thought they were fitting into each other perfectly. "I think you made the library to my own special place, Yoongi."

If she was a book, Yoongi would read her again and again. He thought she was so perfect, every little bit of her. She was that type of girl people were writing books about he enjoyed and he never thought they existed in reality.

But it seemed like he found her and therefore his own story.

"I'm glad I started talking to you out of the sudden and got to know you. You are the most beautiful coincidence of my life.", he confessed and stroked her cheek with this thumb.

She smiled at his words, her heart beating so fast when he leaned over with half closed eyes and his nose brushing against hers. "Can I kiss you now?", he whispered and she felt his breath on her skin.

An almost not audible "yes" left her mouth and he gently lay his lips on hers. He felt so soft against her, she could feel how careful and loving he was treating her.

After separating again he kissed her nose and made her chuckle before saying: "I really like you, Elly."

[youwerenevermeanttofeelalone]

Snowed In | Tony Stark

Pairing: younger!Tony Stark x Plus Size Reader

Word Count: 2.9k

Summary: this is basically a “we just had a one-night stand but a massive storm hit so now we’re snowed in” AU. [Prompt credit to @veronicabunchwrites]

Warnings: awkwardness, mentions of male oral sex, smut (probably badly written), oral sex (female receiving), fingering (female receiving), vaginal sex, insecurity at times (not regarding consent), fluff

A/N: first smut I’ve written! Let me know what you think.

Gif credit

❆・・・・・❆・・・・・❆・・・・・❆

Tony woke up in an unknown environment, there were photographs glued to the wall to his right, polaroids where different people appeared smiling— a few persons were present in the majority, probably part of a tight group of friends. To his left, a figure was sleeping, curled up while giving him their back.

(H/c) hair stuck out from the covers, the memory of touching it the night before to keep it away from your face while you sucked him off making him smirk. He slipped out of the bed slowly to not disturb you, the two of you hadn’t spoken about it happening again or anything like that so he knew it was time to go.

His clothes were easy to find thanks to the natural light coming into the room through the thin curtains. It wasn’t like he cared if he got out of your house naked, but it was nice to not have to do that.

Tiptoeing around the household, he got to the front door in a minute. He swore out loud, closing the door upon seeing the amount of snow covering the sidewalk. Tony made himself comfortable on the couch, reading the weather conditions for the next hours on his cellphone.

You sleepily slipped your panties, an oversized sweater and a pair of fuzzy socks on. The cold didn’t bother you too much, and even if it did you would be back under the covers as soon as you had prepared some coffee.

When you got to the kitchen, the coffeemaker was already on which caught you off guard. A presence behind you startled you, your one night stand of the night before was still in your apartment, presumably drinking your coffee.

Turning around, you faced him. “Do you need anything?”

“Tony.”

“I know,” you repeated his name with emphasis, “do you need anything?”

He looked at you up and down, making you feel uncomfortable. You never spent more time than needed with your one night stands to not give them time to say something about your body. Enough occasions while having sex a man had told you your body was beautiful just to insult you afterward, you weren’t risking it again.

“First, coffee.”

You motioned to the cupboard, stepping to the side so he’d take a mug. “Then leaving?” you pressed.

“We’re snowed in, baby cheeks.” He slid past you, opening the cupboard and taking two mugs out. “Was I that bad, though?”

He had been fucking great, you were sure he knew that and was only teasing you. Not giving him the satisfaction, you shrugged. “Not relevant.”

He whipped around with his eyebrows lifted. “Do I have to fuck you again so it becomes relevant?”

You rolled your eyes, “is your ego that fragile?”

Tony shrugged this time, stretching his hand to take a mug and hand it to you. You accepted it, watching him repeat the motion to take the other mug for himself. He rested his lower back against the counter, watching you carefully as he drank a gulp of coffee.

His deep eyes on you were making you nervous, prompting you to take a gulp of coffee too to mask it. It was so weird, being in the middle of your kitchen, drinking coffee with someone you didn’t know. You hoped the snowstorm would stop soon, you hated small talk and what else could you do with someone you barely knew the name of?

“Aren’t you cold?” He motioned to your bare legs, again his eyes trailing up and down your body.

Cursing under your breath, you put the mug down to walk toward your room. His hand around your wrist stopped you, not tight enough for you to not be able to get out of his grip. You faced him, waiting to hear whatever he wanted.

“I wasn’t complaining.”

You nodded, “I’m cold, though.”

He let your wrist go at that, staring at your form as you got closer to your bedroom and farther away from the kitchen, from him. Tony had always liked the chase, and a good piece of ass— you had both, an attitude, and a really comfortable bed.

He was almost sad to see you had put on a pair of leggings, having had enjoyed looking at those thick thighs way too much for his own good. Having them around him again would’ve been great too.

You didn’t know what to say or if you should say anything at all. Deciding to only talk if he did so first, you picked your mug and walked into the living room. It didn’t take Tony long to join you, sitting beside you on the couch.

You handed him the remote out of courtesy and regretted it immediately. He didn’t make up his mind and would change the channel after a couple of minutes or surf through the channels only to end up in the same one he had complained about the most.

Closing your eyes, you hung your head back. You had tried to hide your annoyance, but you were also waiting for the cruel comment that always came from a man that had seen you naked and by the way he was acting because of fucking television programming it would be one of the harshest ones.

“Am I boring you?”

“I don’t know you,” you reminded him.

Silence filled the room, indicating he had turned the tv off. You shifted to curl up on the couch, slowly opening your eyes only to catch him looking at you already.

He patted his lap, chuckling when you simply stared at it. “Come on, I’ll even play with your hair if you want.”

You slowly placed your head on his lap, looking up at him. You imagined how unflattering the angle was, he hadn’t stopped staring at your face, his tongue coming out of his mouth to wet his lips.

“Can I know why we’re like this?” you inquired. You had assumed he’d do or at least say something, it didn’t make sense for him to want your head on his lap if he wouldn’t.

“It’s cold outside, we don’t have anything to do, and you look at me like you wanna fight me. Up close you can fight me and warm me up at the same time.”

“I don’t want to fight you,” you assured him.

Tony frowned, in his mind, there wasn’t any other reason why you could look at him like that other than disliking. “Kill me?” You said no. “Punch me?” Neither that one. “Anything bad?”

“Is wanting you to shut up bad?”

“The only way to shut me up is to kiss me, sweetheart.”

Lifting your head from his lap, you extended your arm to circle his neck. Putting your hand on the back of his neck, you boldly kissed him. Tony smiled on your mouth, pressing your side to his front by wrapping both arms around you. His tongue pried your mouth open, a sound escaping him when yours explored his own.

One of his hands slid down to your thigh where he gripped tightly, hoping you’d get the hint. You did, parting from the kiss to stand up. Tony bolted up off the couch, extending his hand for you to take it.

His confidence surprised and aroused you, how easily he could walk around your house as he owned it even though he had been there only once in his lifetime. As soon as you entered the bedroom, he kissed you again— slower this time, more sensual. He took handfuls of your ass while the kiss progressed, proud to make you groan around his tongue.

Your leggings were off first, now both his palms skimming up and down your thighs. He’d grip and then caress here and there as you kissed his neck, lightly nipping just to tease. Your hand started to trail down as your mouth moved to his throat, feeling the vibration of his grunt when you brushed his half-hard cock from on top of his jeans.

Undoing his belt required both of your hands which meant putting some distance between your bodies. He looked down, watching the movement of your fingers as you fiddled with the buckle. Popping the button from his jeans open, you lowered the zipper and tugged on the waistband to make the jeans pool around his ankles. Tony stepped to the side, pulling you with him to kiss you again.

Kissing back, you brushed the tip of your fingers over the length of his cock. He lifted the hem of your sweater, imitating the delicate touches you were inflicting upon his member on your soft stomach. You almost tensed under his touch, not used to that type of caressing.

Tony clutched your waist from under the sweater, his mouth dragging downwards to your neck. His breath shallowed as you now palmed his erection, lips sucking the tender skin under your ear. Impatiently, the two of you parted at the same time to discard your tops.

Both equally half-naked due to the fact that you hadn’t put on a bra earlier, you stared at each other for a couple of seconds. The sensation of being about to be insulted overcame you, making you swallow harshly and take your eyes away from his body. The gesture snapped him out of his trance.

“You want this, right?” He asked, not getting closer until you nodded.

“Do you?”

Tony nodded too, his thumbs hooking into the waistband of his boxers. “Fuck yeah, I do.”

His hands were on your ass the second your panties were off, groping as he walked you back toward the bed. Crashing his lips with yours, Tony slowly pushed you down onto the mattress, caressing the sides of your thighs. You sucked his bottom lip between yours, moaning when his fingers brushed your slit.

He trailed sucking kisses down your throat, probably leaving a few marks. You opened your legs a little more so he’d fit better which he used as leverage to grind his erection against the inside of your thigh. Tony was good at multitasking, his left fingers ran up and down your slit as his right hand held him up to not crush you— in your mind, he wouldn’t have crushed you even if he tried but it was nice of him to think about that— and his mouth latched onto your left breast.

One of his fingers entered you, your hum of approval encouraging him to move it in and out. As your breathing got more shallow, he added another. Tony now sucked on your other breast, looking up at you from between his lashes as he started properly pumping his fingers at a faster pace.

You whined his name, spurring him on to continue kissing down your body. He took his time, though, fully sucking marks all over your stomach and slowing down the pace of his fingers so you wouldn’t cum just yet.

His breath on your pussy made you shiver and adjust your position so you could look at him. Tony nipped at your thighs first, smirking against your skin when you mewled in desperation. Eventually, after agonizing kisses up and down your thighs, he withdrew his fingers just long enough to part your lips and dive in. The contact of his tongue with your slit prompted you to moan, his fingers entering you again to help him find a better rhythm.

That had to be the prettiest sight in the world: Tony Stark between your thighs, going down on you. Your hands flew to his hair when he sucked on your nub, head falling back onto the pillow as he repeated his ministrations. His name fell from your lips again, now in a strangled moan. Tony fucking loved it, the sounds you made and how your body twitched under his hands and mouth, the way you said his name, how tight you were growing around his fingers.

He didn’t want to wait a second longer to be inside you again, yet the desire of making you cum just like that was stronger. His fingers curled inside you, your back arching up as you moaned unabashedly. Your sounds urged him to suck down harder, the pleasure you were feeling was getting stronger and your only reaction was to grip his hair tightly so he wouldn’t stop.

“Tony...” you half-whined, “I— shit, I’m gonna cum.”

His tongue and his lips alternated, his lips harshly sucking and his tongue quickly flicking. “Cum for me, baby girl,” he encouraged you, the vibrations against your pussy driving you to the edge.

Tony lapped it all, very lightly to not overstimulate you too much. You caressed his hair, a low whimper escaping you as he took his fingers out. He cleaned his fingers by licking them, the shift of his hips making him hiss because of the friction of his cock against the comforter. He stopped himself from kissing you again for a moment to admire the state you were in, the sweat on your brow, the way your chest raised every few milliseconds thanks to the harshness of your breath.

His disheveled hair made him look even hotter, something you didn’t think to be possible a mere second ago. You caught your breath as he crawled up, his lips still glistening with your juices— your hands slid down to his neck, his eyes following the movement of your tongue as you wetted your lips before he kissed you. Tasting yourself on his lips and tongue, you allowed him to swallow your moan as he deepened the kiss even more.

You bit his bottom lip, “do you want me to return the favor?”

“I want to fuck you,” he clarified, “but if you don’t want to, I won’t say no to a blowjob.”

You wiggled on the bed, twisting your torso to properly reach for the drawer from the bedside table to withdraw a condom. You handed it to him, laying down on your back once again.

Tony didn’t lose any time, ripping the foil packed open. “Are you comfortable?” He asked as he slid the preservative over his cock.

“I am.”

He entered you slowly, relishing on the velvet warmth starting to encompass his member. Both of you sighed at the same time, a groan sliding past his lips as you inhaled harshly. Bottoming out, he gripped your waist as your hands trailed up and down his back.

Tony was more passionate this time than last night, maybe it was because the first time the two of you had been slightly drunk and desperate to fuck— you didn’t know, you didn’t care. You just cared for the feel of him, the warmth of his hands on your body, the burn against your walls, the sensation of his slowly shallowing breath against your skin as he picked up the pace.

He dropped his chest flush against yours, letting both of his hands slide down toward your thighs. He gripped them so you’d wrap them around him, enjoying the way you complied, the weight of them on his hips as he thrust harder.

“God,” he moaned when you clenched around him, “you feel too fucking good to be real.” His mouth sucked on where your neck met your shoulder, unintentionally quieting his sounds of pleasure while yours resonated in the room. He loved them now even more, he found them hotter and motivating.

Stings on his back made him bite down on your skin, your nails leaving red marks all over his back and shoulders as his pace unsteadied, his tip hitting your g-spot had you seconds away from coming— you could feel the knot on your stomach about to burst, and by the way his cock was throbbing inside you he wasn’t far from coming.

You were so right that he announced he’d come before you did. Deliberately, you clenched around him to encourage him. Tony moved his mouth to cover yours, the kiss was all tongue and teeth, the vibrations of both your throats filling your ears as you moaned. He continued pumping a few more times after coming, helping you to reach your climax by rubbing circles on your clit with one of his thumbs.

Tying the condom, he threw it to the trash and laid down on the bed beside you. Your breaths were shallow, a layer of sweat coating both your bodies.

Before the fear of it being awkward again overcame you, he wiggled on the mattress to tug on the comforter. You tiredly moved so he’d be able to get under the material, not expecting him to cover your body too. Tony hugged you from behind with his hands on your belly and face on your shoulder.

“Is it too late to ask you out on a date?” his lips brushed your skin as he asked, tasting the natural saltiness from your sweat.

You snorted, looking at him from your peripheral vision, “you’ll have to wait until the storm passes.”

He hummed, “only if you’re what keeps me warm. And coffee.... and food.”

You placed your hands on top of his, “first, a nap.”

“And then food?” He teased. You only hummed as an answer, too tired to say anything else.

Tony allowed his body to relax, enjoying the softness of your body and its warmth— knowing he’d sleep like a baby thanks to it. As sleep encompassed him, he decided snowstorms were his favorite thing in the world now.

[nightsonights]

sfw alphabet- z.k.

masterlist

author’s note: HUGE shoutout to the absolute queen @reveriekuwonu for this idea. her work is so so amazing and she’s so credibly talented. she did this for both nick and edwin so please please go check those out!!

also, this is not 100% reflective of the boys, zion in particular. i (obviously) don’t know them personally so these are all based on the assumptions/vibes that i get off them.

•••

A= Affection (how affectionate are they? how do they show affection?)

zion is moderately affectionate. he isn’t serenading you constantly or bringing you gift baskets and chocolates but from time to time, he’ll get you your favourite meal or perfume. you guys are practically best friends who are in love and in a relationship. he shows his affection through constantly spending time with you or just by simply telling you that he appreciates and loves you.

B= Best friend (what would they be like as a best friend? how would the friendship start?)

HE IS YOUR NUMBER ONE SUPPORTER. zion is down for anything and everything. smoke a joint? down. turn up? down. late night run to mcdonald’s? down. you’d start being friends with him through meeting at parties hosted at the pm house or through mutual friends. you both share the spotlight when it comes to getting lit so overtime, you learned to share it.

C= Cuddles (do they like to cuddle? how would they cuddle?)

zion is a meaningful cuddler. he likes to cuddle in silence and enjoy your presence. he would enjoy cuddling after a long day with something playing on the TV. the vibe is overall reflective. he is reflecting over his life or his goals or even being with you. his favourite cuddling spot would be resting his head on your stomach or your thighs.

D= Domestic (do they want to settle down? how are they at cooking and cleaning?)

one day. zion can imagine himself one day with a wife and kids and like five simba’s running around but that’s very far down the line for him. he can cook and be clean when he wants to but often times finds himself slacking. however, when he puts his mind to a recipe or making a place look decent, he does an amazing job.

E= Ending (if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

zion isn’t totally immature about it. he’s not gonna go around spreading details or be butthurt about it. maybe make some unpointed ig story remarks but he’ll get over it. good with hanging around ex(s) after splitting just cause he doesn’t fuck with the negativity. but i do see him hooking up with one for old times sake.

F= Fiance(e) (how do they feel about commitment? how quick would they want to get married?)

marriage is something that zion can see in his life, just not anytime soon. isn’t very scared of setting down per say but he’s not at the stage of his life where he wants to fully be (and legally) accountable for someone else.

G= Gentle (how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally)

LITERALLY THE SOFTEST PERSON YOU’LL EVER MEET. under that hard exterior, he’s a soft, giant teddy bear. he is emotionally gentle when he knows that he can trust you and vice versa. physically he’s the same. IN BED THO... girl. we won’t talk about that ;).

H= Hugs (do they like hugs? how often do they do it? what are their hugs like?)

zion’s hugs are overwhelming to anyone. he literally engulfs you into his chest and towers over you with his height. being in his embrace feels like another world; your own personal shelter. he doesn’t mind being hugged but he finds it quite awkward if the person isn’t the same height as him. these types of hugs come forth when you’re feeling down or if he feels like he hasn’t held you in a while.

I= I love you (how fast do they say the l-word?)

zion isn’t one to just say ”i love you” to anything or anyone. he will definitely feel like he’s in love for a long time before he actually says it out loud.

J= Jealousy (how jealous do they get? what do they do when they’re jealous?)

zion is definitely a petty jealous. he will just hit you with those passive aggressive remarks like “go hit up your mans” or “tell your man he’s staring too hard.” he doesn’t take it too seriously though cause he knows you’re his girl and he trusts you.

K= Kisses (what are their kisses like? where do they like to kiss you? where do they like to be kissed?)

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MANS LIPS? LORD. zion’s kisses are always passionate and sexy. tongue, biting of the lips, etc. make out sessions are very common between the two of you. he loves to kiss your lips and loves to receive neck/jaw kisses.

L= Little ones (how are they around children?)

zion’s really shy around kids. the soft side of his personality comes out when he encounters a child. definitely nervous about making them upset or doing the wrong thing so he tries to avoid doing too much. he’d be an excellent dad once he stops tip toeing around his kid.

M= Mornings (how are mornings spent with them?)

mornings with zion are usually spent with puffs of smoke and tangled limbs under sheets. this is zion’s time of reflection and appreciation. whether that be because of his joint or not.

N= Night (how are nights spent with them?)

if the night isn’t spent partying or mixing beats in the studio, they are spent cuddling while watching reruns of old shows or cartoons. lots of inappropriate gripping and touching but overall pretty chill.

O= Open (when would they start revealing things about themselves? do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

zion is definitely one to have you piece together his biography slowly but surely. he’s not afraid to be vulnerable but it will take him a while to open up to someone. he needs to feel like he’s not being judged or ridiculed of the things that mean a lot to him in order to talk truthfully about them.

P= Patience (how easily angered are they?)

believe it or not, zion is very patient. he often holds his tongue to avoid unnecessary conflict. however, he will let things accumulate untill he’s reached his breaking point and feels like he needs to get shit off his chest. and when zion talks his shit- it’s over for y’all hoes.

Q= Quizzes (how much would they remember about you? do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

zion’s a good in between. he won’t remember the name of your first goldfish but he will remember your common phrases or actions. zion remembers things that are relevant to you and your relationship, not random fun facts.

R= Remember (what is their favourite moment in your relationship?)

your first time meeting his family or the moment where you both admitted you had feelings for each other.

S= Security (how protective are they? how would they protect you? how would they like to be protected?)

zion is super protective. he will throw hands for you, no questions asked. when it comes to protecting his family and friends, he doesnt care who was in the wrong or who it is. zion doesn’t so much need to be protected physically (although he wouldn’t mind you throwing hands for him ) but he likes to feel emotionally protected and valued. he appreciates someone he can express his hardships to and not worry that they will repeat it to someone else.

T = Try (how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

because he’s very spontaneous and down for anything, every activity feels like a date. zion will remember something that you mentioned in passing and say let’s go do it. Because all your dates are very informal and chill, he would take anniversaries and special occasions really seriously. even going as far to make them extra cheesy and heartfelt :).

U= Ugly (what would be some bad habits of theirs?)

zion is a silent angry. he doesn’t feel the need to mention every little thing that makes him angry so he expresses his anger in silent and passive aggressive ways. when you try to help him or fix it the problem, he brushes it off just cause he would rather avoid the unnecessary argument. when zion gets in these types of moods, he can be very grumpy and agitated which doesn’t help either of you.

V= Vanity (how concerned are they with their looks?)

coming from a chubby childhood, zion often is self conscious about his weight. people might take it as him being cocky or fuckboy-ish when he shows off his abs but really he’s just proud of his progress/workout regiment.

W= Whole (would they feel incomplete without you?)

definitely. you and zion do some much together that if you were ever to leave for some reason he would definitely feel like he’s missing his better half.

X= Xtra (a random headcanon for them)

will never ask for it but loves when you take control in the bedroom. loves the feeling of your hands in his hair. is a whore for neck/jaw kisses. especially when hickies are involved.

Y= Yuck (what are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

someone who is boring or doesn’t want to take risks. as mentioned before, he’s a very energetic and spontaneous so if his partner isn’t as equally as adventurous it’s a major turn off. zion also isn’t keen of someone who is always calling him out for smoking weed or being high. his fans already do that so much already, he doesn’t need his significant other doing the same.

Z= Zzz (what is a sleep habit(s) of theirs?)

zion definitely likes being the small spoon. his ideal sleeping position is his head resting on your stomach, thighs or chest.

[coquelicoq]

IT’S A TRAP(ped tag masterpost)!

alternate titles:

tumblr stop eating my tags challenge 2k19

hey, you. *opens trenchcoat* wanna buy some trapped tags?

*stevie wonder voice* trapped, tagged, delivered (back into the wild like a bird with a scientific ankle bracelet), i’m yours

someday i’ll be dead and my family will have to face the fact that this is how i spent my time

WHEW so i’ve been working on a lil project to go back through all 1000+ posts & reblogs in my history3 tag and retag them for easy retrieval and let me tell you, one thousand posts is a lot of posts! and there are a lot of talented and funny fucks in this fandom, is my takeaway. anyway, tumblr keeps doing this annoying thing where it suddenly acts like i’ve never written a tag before in my life, and of course i can never remember what tags i’ve used before without autocomplete, so i’m gonna write all my trapped tags in one place as extra insurance against that inevitable day.

i don’t actually expect anyone other than me to use this, but if you happen to find it interesting, knock yourself out! i’ll link to each tag on my blog for convenience. let me know if any of them are broken.

format and category tags

#trapped fic

#trapped art

#trapped gif

#trapped vid - includes clips of the show, bts videos, fanvids, etc.

#trapped memes

#xing tian meme - look for some reason i’m very invested in the notion that the xing tian meng henchmen are meme trash, and if i had my druthers, these are the memes they would be sharing in the group chat.

#incorrect trapped

#trapped edit

#trapped characters as - trapped x onion headlines, trapped x text posts, etc.

#trapped bingo

#trapped meta - analysis of canon

#trapped fanon - i’m using “fanon” very loosely here...really just for any headcanon, rather than only for headcanons that are widely adopted by the fandom (as i don’t feel qualified to be the arbiter of what has been widely adopted by the fandom lol).

#trapped fan theories - there is some overlap with the trapped fanon tag here, but mostly i used this for speculation about future episodes made while the show was still airing. i’ve also used this tag for discussion of plotholes, even when a possible theory to explain the plothole is not offered in the post.

#trapped recapped - exclusively for posts that give a blow-by-blow of an entire episode

#trapped watch - exclusively for observations i made while watching or rewatching an episode

#trapped reference - @florbexter‘s masterpost about where to watch the episodes, @stebeee’s masterpost about the novel, @sarah-yyy‘s rec post, this post, etc.

content tags

general

every post is tagged both #history3 and #history 3: trapped

every episode gets its own tag. note that the numbers are based on the way the show was originally released, as 20 separate episodes; on viki they’ve combined two episodes into one so there’s only 10 total. this means that episode 5 on viki is covered by the tags for episodes 9 and 10, for example.

#trapped ep 01 / #trapped ep 02 / #trapped ep 03 / #trapped ep 04 / #trapped ep 05 / #trapped ep 06 / #trapped ep 07 / #trapped ep 08 / #trapped ep 09 / #trapped ep 10 / #trapped ep 11 / #trapped ep 12 / #trapped ep 13 / #trapped ep 14 / #trapped ep 15 / #trapped ep 16 / #trapped ep 17 / #trapped ep 18 / #trapped ep 19 / #trapped ep 20

note that these tags (and in fact all of my trapped tags) are full of spoilers for the whole series; many of the posts are tagged with multiple episodes when relevant, and also i’ve tagged speculation posts with the episode they ended up being about even when we didn’t know at the time when certain events would happen.

#trapped costumes

#making predictions about future episodes based on costumes is my favorite new hobby - i have this bad habit of writing a long awkward tag as commentary with no plans to use it ever again, and then somehow turning it into a regular tag that i use all the time, so you can see why autocomplete failing me is a real disaster.

#trapped props

#it’s his rib y’all

#MYSTERY BOX!!!! bring! on! the! fan! theories! - what can i say, i was very excited about this particular prop, and now i am paying the price. i am my own worst enemy tbh

#trapped bts

#trapped fandom

#trapped novel

#trapped faves - my 100 favorite trapped posts in one single place. there are a lot of really awesome posts that didn’t get included in this tag because i was trying to keep it to a manageable number, but everything that is in here is pure gold if you ask me. a few of my own posts have snuck in because 1) love yourself and 2) i’m hilarious

#my trapped posts - all trapped posts for which i am the op, including stuff like asks i received where i didn’t even do much lol

characters

#meng shaofei

#meng shaofei? more like meng shaoFACE - listen do i have to keep telling you how bad i am at making useful, normal tags?

#kermit!shaofei

#shaofei x hospital - i couldn’t help it, it’s everybody’s secret favorite ship. also, i think i sometimes used this tag for shaofei being injured even when he’s not literally in the hospital, but i wasn’t super consistent about it.

#shaofei x ‘tang yi!’

#TINY little ‘mmph’ - that one sound shaofei makes during the backhug in episode 16, you know the one

#tang yi

#tang yi is large. he contains multitudes

#tang yi x revenge

#zhao zi

#my smol precious dummy son

#zhao zi self elected president of the tangfei ship club

#today in zhao zi logic

#zhao zi x food

#jack

#jack the certified morosexual

#this corny ass motherfucker

#zuo hong ye

#gu dao yi

#tang guo dong

#chen wen hao

#andy

#dr. jiang

#chief shi

#yu qi

#jun wei

#lee li zhen

#li zhi de - this is ah de, the gangster

#zhou guan zhi - this is ah zhi, the cop

#he hang

#wang kun cheng

and of course the real mvp, #fifi

ships

#tangfei

#and they were half friends

#power move dialoguing

#jack x zz

brotps

#return of the in laws (hongye & shaofei)

#my very stupid adorable sons (zhao zi & shaofei)

#the xtm power sibs (tang yi & hongye, very fitting phrasing courtesy of @pumpkinpaix )

#trapped cast

#jake hsu

#one time jake hsu’s eyeballs punched me in the face. it was awesome

#chris wu

#kenny chen

#andy bian

non-trapped-specific tags that got a workout during trapped

#the cutest boy - in trapped this is exclusively for zz

#it’s the hands that get me and #tender! thumb! action! - these aren’t just tangfei but...they’re mostly tangfei

#heart eyes emoji

#the tenderness

#fond

#very good extremely fresh high quality nutritious soft boyfriend content

@ future me: you’re welcome

[borkingbarnes]

Love at First Sight

Summary: In which Bucky recalls the first time he saw the love of his life. Flashback is set during the war (pre-Winter Soldier Hydra).

Reader is Asgardian (mostly because I needed her to not age lol), but has spent almost all her life on earth. That fact is not something really relevant to the story, but that’s just the explanation as to why it’s included. 

Word count: 2.7k

Pairings: Bucky x Reader, Platonic!Steve x Reader

“You know, I loved you the moment I laid eyes on you” Bucky murmured, stroking your hair as you rolled your eyes at him, though a smile made its way onto your face.  

“Yeah right, Barnes. You got drunk as a skunk the first time we met” you giggled, pressing a soft kiss to his jaw.

He smiles at you, eyes soft and full of adoration and love as he moves his hands to rest on your thighs which are straddling his own, the two of you sitting in bed on a lazy morning. It still filled him with wonder how you were such a formidable force to be reckoned with in the field, yet could be so soft and gentle with the people you loved. He wondered more how he was allowed to be on the receiving end of that soft and gentleness after all the pain and suffering he’d caused as the Winter Soldier. Maybe you had been sent down as his own special angel.

“No baby, I remember it like it was yesterday” he says, stroking your cheek with the back of his fingers, momentarily caught up in the way you smiled down so fondly at him. “Could never forget seeing the most beautiful woman in the world for the first time.”

And it was true. He could remember the first moment he saw you, clear as day. It was one of his most vivid memories.

----

“Y’know, I’m really beginnin’ to think you’re over-exaggerating her. I mean c’mon no person can take down an entire base by themselves. Not even you, Cap” Dum Dum retorts, finishing the beer in his hand.

“Oh but she did”, Steve replies, smirking down at his drink, recalling the memory fondly.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll believe it when I see it”, the man says with a wave of his hand, walking off with Gabe and Dino to get the bartender’s attention, leaving Steve and Bucky to stand by themselves.

Celebrating a crucial territory capture was great, but celebrating by giving most of the soldiers a night off and renting out an entire bar was even better, and who would they be if the men didn’t take advantage of some free alcohol?

“Did she really really do it by herself? You ain’t joking with us?” Bucky asks, looking the captain right into the eyes, searching for any indication that he may be lying.

“I ain’t joking with ya, punk. Shoulda seen her, Buck, by the time my plane arrived she was walkin’ outta there, files in one hand, gun in the other, asking me “what took you so long?” Gotta have ya meet her tonight, she told me she’s comin’ by” came the blond’s reply, smiling at that fact.

Steve had met Y/N through Peggy, the two having been close friends a significant portion of their lives, much like Steve and Bucky. She was a highly ranked Lieutenant, known for her various skills and training. Some rumours even went as far as to say she was not human, having seemingly not aged in appearance one bit. Peggy had mentioned to him once that she was born in a place called Asgard, and that people there just age really well. Her and Steve had grown close overtime, as people tend to do after spending many gruelling hours in trenches together. He respected her immensely, as most people of her rank didn’t put themselves out in the field as she did. 

“With the way you tell it, are you sure she doesn’t have the serum too?” Bucky asks, turning to Steve, making him smile as he shakes his head.

“Don’t know why they gave the serum to me instead of her. War would be over a hell of a lot quicker if she had it.” Steve chuckles, earning a hearty laugh from his longtime friend as well.

Bucky briefly ponders this information, wondering how the seemingly sweet, and lovable woman that Steve spoke so fondly of could also be so deadly in action. However, he doesn’t have long to think before the door of the bar swings open and time seems to freeze as a woman steps in. She walks with deliberate steps, stride commanding respect as heads turn. A soft, playful smirk graces her lips but the way she moves almost seems to give away to a silent lethality about her.

A smile tugs on Steve’s lips as he sees her, and he turns to point her out to Bucky beside him, but presses his lips together instead, suppressing his laughter as he takes in his best friend’s expression.

Bucky stands there, eyes wide, mouth slightly agape, and Steve swears his friend would’ve dropped the glass in his hand had it not been resting against the counter of the bar. Never in all their years of friendship had Steve seen his friend so smitten by a woman, and made a mental note to never let this one go.

Bucky on the other hand did not have a single thought on his mind, other than the woman walking in through the door. She was gorgeous, no stunning. A goddess. God, he couldn’t even think of a word to describe her beauty.

“Someone’s gonna slip on your puddle of drool if you keep starin’ at her like that, Buck”, Steve says beside him, breaking Bucky out of his daze before he swiftly snaps his jaw up, but he continues to watch her as a couple warrant officers wave her over.

“That’s her” the captain says, which earns him an unintelligible “huh?”, from Bucky, who’s still unable to pry his eyes from her.

“That’s Y/N. You know, the one I was telling you about”, Steve chuckles and Bucky finally turns to look at his friend, brows furrowing.

“THAT’S her?! Fuck’s sake Stevie, it never crossed your mind to share the fact that she’s a dime and a half?! You’ve been holding out on me!”, Bucky almost yells, shooting Steve an accusing glare, which just earns a barking laugh from his friend.

“Shit”, he mutters as the woman’s gaze finally focuses on the pair, and she excuses herself from the officers who had gathered around her.

“‘s just Y/N, Buck. Just be yourself, you’ve always been good with the dames”, Steve winks, clapping a hand on Bucky’s shoulder before walking in her direction.

Bucky doesn’t have time to grumble out a protest before Y/N has made her way over to them, grinning widely as Steve engulfs her in a hug. And fuck, that smile of hers almost made Bucky dizzy. But if he thought that was bad, he was certainly not prepared when that smile found its way directed straight at him.

“Buck, this is Lieutenant Y/N Y/L/N. Y/N, this is Sergeant James Barnes”, Steve introduces.

“Bucky.” He finds himself saying, and Bucky doesn’t know how he’s doing it, but he’s taken her outstretched hand in his, pressing his lips against her delicate skin briefly, and she giggles. FUCKING GIGGLES. And he swears he’s never heard a sweeter sound in his life.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Bucky” he hears her saying, “but do you mind if I get my hand back from you there, Sergeant?” A smirk graces her lips and she glances to Steve with a raised eyebrow.

Bucky’s eyes widen as he realizes he’s still holding onto her hand and he abruptly let’s it go, which earns him a laugh from those pretty lips of hers.

Dammit, Barnes. Get it together!

“Gonna go get a drink, you boys want anything?” She asks, to which both men shake their heads. With a nod of her head and a pat to Steve’s chest, she walks away from them and further down the bar to get the bartender’s attention.

Both men watch as a mere smile from her has the bartender scurrying over to serve her.

“Wouldn’t doubt it if she just walked into that base you were talking about and just batted her eyes and told them to drop dead in that sweet little voice of hers” Bucky grumbles, shooting daggers as the men around her inch closer to to be near her. Steve chuckles and is about to reply, but his eyes harden, jaw setting in place as a man stumbles to stand beside her.

Bucky recognizes the man, Mike something or the other. An officer from another battalion, and he’s drunk as a sailor, hand going along her waist, spewing a slurred “hey, pretty thang” her way.

Bucky can feel a rage boil in him. He’s about to go over there and knock the daylights out of this filthy man that had the audacity to lay a hand on the prettiest dame he had ever seen. However, he doesn’t get the chance to. His anger soon turns into surprise mid-step as a loud thud rings out, the counter shaking at the force, as the side of Mike’s head meets the wooden surface. Y/N stands slightly behind him now, one hand pressed against the other side of his head as her other hand holds his right arm, wrenching it up and behind his back painfully.

“Next time you decide to touch a woman without her consent, I’ll snap this arm clean off” Bucky hears Y/N growl into Mike’s ear and Mike whimpers as she wrenches his arm up further for emphasis.

Then, almost as abruptly as she had flipped him down, she let’s go of him, sending a quick nod to the bartender before grabbing the drink waiting for her from the bar and sauntering back over to where Bucky and Steve stood as if nothing had happened.

“That’s my girl” Steve says, smirking at her, as she shoots him a smug grin, sipping on her drink as she comes to stand beside them.  

“Somebody’s gotta stir up a little fun around here. This place is boring. Haven’t even gotten asked for a dance yet” she says with a slight pout.

“Buck here is great at dancing!” Steve interjects, catching Bucky off guard, eyes widening as he debates on whether he should thank Steve later or punch him for putting him on the spot. And the look she gives him, eyes twinkling and a slight curve to her lips has Bucky wondering if any man has ever said no to her. How any man COULD say no to her.

“I’d uh, I’d love to ask ya to dance if you’d let me”, Bucky says, setting his drink down on the bar, mentally slapping himself for sounding so less than smooth. Where had his charm suddenly gone?

“Well what are you waiting for then, Sergeant? A girl doesn’t have all day y’know?” She says, and there’s that smile again. The one that has Bucky’s heart skipping a beat.

“Well then, may I have this dance?” Bucky asks, extending his hand to her with a slight bow of his head, because despite the fact that he was flustered as hell, mama raised a gentleman.

Her giggle snaps his gaze back up to her and she’s got a million-dollar smile on her face. One that Bucky wouldn’t mind looking at for a thousand years.

“You may” she replies, putting her smaller hand in his, and Bucky. Man, Bucky is so far gone for this girl already. He doesn’t know how he was so damn smitten with a woman he had just met, but everything about her drew him in. It wasn’t just her looks. It was the way her eyes shone, and the way her mouth moved when she spoke, and the aura of mystery mixed with a hint of a silent danger and sharpness that surrounded her and just about everything in between.

Leading her to the dance floor, Bucky found his sense of rhythm in the music playing rather quickly, dancing coming naturally to him as he maneuvers her around the makeshift dance floor in the center of the bar.

She’s got a look in her eyes that tells Bucky she’s loving this just as much as he is as they dance. He twirls her, and the laugh that comes from her pretty mouth has him wanting more of it, so he twirls her again, her hand coming to rest against his chest afterwards as her laughter fills his ears and lord he couldn’t suppress the grin he has on his face even if he tried.

One dance turns to two, then two to three, and as the fourth one nears to an end he dips her, eliciting a slight squeal from her lips and he can’t help but smile down at her, her own face matching his as he looks into her bright eyes. He also can’t help but notice how close their faces are in this position. How if he leaned down just an inch or two closer, he could taste her soft lips on his, and god wouldn’t that be heavenly?

Loud whistles and hoots erupt to his left and Bucky nearly groans out loud as he looks up to see the rest of the Howling Commandos cheering at him from beside the bar, effectively ruining their moment as he brings her back upright.

“Thank you for the dances, Sergeant”, she says sweetly, his attention returning back to her. She leans towards him as his heart lurches in anticipation. Pressing a chaste kiss on his cheek, she can’t help but laugh lightly at the goofy expression the soldier before her wears. And little does she know that the simple gesture has the poor man’s heart beating erratically as a warm blush begins to spread across his face.

“C’mon, soldier, I’m parched” she says, grabbing his hand, walking him over to the bar as he trails behind her like a lovesick puppy.

“Put on quite a show there”, Steve greets them, smirking, as they walk over and introduces the girl to the rest of the Commandos. She gives them a each a slight nod before hailing the bartender over and ordering everyone three rounds of shots.

Before he knows it, Bucky along with the rest of the Commandos, excluding Steve, are stinkin’ drunk, chortling and hooting amongst themselves.

“How’re you not even slightly drunk, doll? Ya drank just as much as us!” Bucky slurs, his Brooklyn accent becoming even more prominent. He looks with slightly spinning vision as the girl before him stands, looking poised as ever.

“High tolerance I guess. Gotta hold your own where I’m from”, she replies, biting her lip to suppress a laugh as the soldier sways slightly.

Her lips tug down into a frown as an officer comes over to murmur something in her ear. And even in his drunken haze, Bucky wants to erase that frown off her face. Banish it, and never let her go a moment of feeling anything but happy for the rest of her life.

“Sorry, fellas, I’ve got some things to take care of”, Y/N says, pushing off the bar, and this time it was Bucky’s turn to frown.

“It was good meeting you guys”, she says and Steve pulls her into a hug.

“Y’know what, I think we should go too, Buck. It’s late”, Steve says, patting his friend’s shoulder, slightly knocking Bucky off balance so that he teetered. “We’ll walk you out, Y/N.”

They say their goodbyes to the rest of the Commandos as the trio walk out, Steve holding Bucky’s shoulder with one arm to prevent him from stumbling.

A car was waiting for Y/N outside of the bar as they stepped out.

“Bye, Cap, I’ll stop by to see you if you guys aren’t gone on assignment by the time I get back” she says, pressing a kiss to the blond’s cheek, and he nods, returning one to her on the top of her head.

“Byeee Y/N. Don’t forget to come see me too, doll” Bucky slurs, from beside Steve and smiles goofily as Y/N laughs and presses a kiss to his cheek as well.

“Of course, Buck”, she says with a laugh, waving slightly as she steps into the car and closes the door.

Steve and Bucky watch as the car drives off. “Alright. Let’s get you to bed Buck. You’ve had way too many drinks tonight” Steve says, steering his drunken pal toward the direction of the barracks.

They walk in silence, Bucky occasionally stumbling and cursing every time he trips over a rock or his own feet.

They’re about half way there before the brunet stops in his tracks and turns to look at Steve.

“M’gonna make her my girl someday, Stevie. Think I love ‘er” he slurs, and Steve laughs, tightening his grip so his friend doesn’t fall over.

“Buck, you’re drunk” he laughs as Bucky abruptly plops himself down on the ground, pulling the larger man down to sit as well and Steve briefly considers just carrying him back to their barrack to save some time and hassle.

“No. M’serious, Steve. She’s the girl I wanna be with. She’s my woman, I know it. I’ll betcha ONE WHOLE HUNDRED dollars that I ain’t gonna end up with anyone unless it’s her. Don’t want anyone else but her.” Bucky says, looking Steve dead in the eyes, suddenly looking sober before he hiccupped loudly.

“Alright pal, I’ll take ya up on that bet. But only if ya get up and get to bed right now”, Steve chuckles, helping Bucky back onto his feet.

“Deal, Rogers. Ya better have my money ready”

----

“So I’m just a bet then?” You tease Bucky lightly, feigning hurt as you press a hand to your chest. 

“Is that really all you got from that, baby? C’mon did you miss the part where I couldn’t even think straight around you? Or when I literally fell for you at first sight?” He whines, nuzzling his face into your neck and you can’t help but throw your head back and let out a laugh.

He watches your face as you do so, goofy smile edging along the corners of his lips. He had fallen for the softest, prettiest, yet most bad ass woman he’d ever known so damn hard the moment he saw you.

“But speaking of which, punk owes me over eight hundred dollars”, Bucky says, pulling back with a slight smirk as you cork him an eyebrow.

“Thought you guys bet one hundred?” You ask, amusedly to which he smiles.

“Yeah, but inflation darlin’, just like my love for you. It grows in value over the decades” he says smoothly as you groan, a huge smile on your face nonetheless, and he knows he’t got you, hook, line and sinker.

“God, you’re the biggest sap ever, Barnes, ya know that?” you giggle as he begins pressing kisses on your face.

“Mm only for you babydoll”, he hums pulling you down so he can put his face into the crook of your neck again, and boy are you glad Steve had talked you into going to that bar that night. Because maybe, just maybe you had felt a little something for this teddy bear of a man on that first night you saw him as well.

Previous post: Breakfast in Bed

Tags: @sgtjbuccky-main @boopboopbarnes @chrevastan @goldenkillmonger @silver-starburst

[irresistiibles]

was that dev patel? Oh no no, that was just jonathan sims, a canon character from the magnus archives. They are thirty one years old and are aware that they are not actually from washington dc. too bad they can’t stray from this city for long.

how long has your character been here

it has been like a month now

what is your character’s job

he’s working as an archivist still because jon cannot get away from this job for the life of him. i think probably for like a university? i’m not gonna lie i don’t know much about what a genuine archivist job looks like so i’ll be doing some research

i’ve decided he’s gonna work as an archivist at the library of congress lol

where has your character been pulled from in their fandom?

so i’m not completely sure yet (which works with the nonsense i’m pulling with jon’s memories) once i get through my relisten i’ll know for sure but it’s definitely somewhere in season 3 or 4 before the change

has any magic affected your character

so while he’s aware he’s not actually from washington d.c. his memories are foggy at best. he remembers working for the magnus archives and his coworkers, but a lot of the memories of the weird horrible shit that happens is like down the drain. he has nightmares about it but can barely remember. he’s trying to tell himself in typical stubborn jon fashion that he is in fact supposed to be in dc clearly he’s ere for a work thing, though he can’t prove it and hasn’t had any contact with his boss and wouldn’t be able to say what the work thing was, clearly that’s a him problem and not the city being weird. i don’t think i’m going to keep him like this for too too long just while i figure out where exactly i want him and also things can never be easy for jon

any other info!

gonna not say too much about the podcast to avoid spoilers but jon worked for the magnus archives which studied the paranormal and supernatural and got way more than he bargained for

this may be my most unstable character to date. this man is so unhinged. you can’t even say it develops over time as things get bad because he turns to stalking very early in to season 1. he’s always been unhinged

he’s not super friendly. he can be kind of dismissive and rude and condescending, especially right now when he’s trying to push away this idea of more going on with his life than he wants

he will soften up though for people he cares about, and in general once he accepts his situation a bit more.

spent a month getting moisturized by a clown

canonically just always looks kinda unwell. he’s scrawny and always looks fucking tired. this is not peak physical fitness folks. no one is looking at this man and thinking he makes particularly good decisions.

he’s the type to stress and panic kinda quickly, but he will not let that stop him from doing dumb shit!

he’s got a fun variety of powers that he’s mostly unaware of at the moment. he can compel people to answer questions, sometimes just knows things, typically relevant to whatever situation he’s in, he’s been able to read and understand languages he’s never learned, etc. 

here in washington jon absolutely knows something is Wrong but he’s doing his best not to acknowledge it. still he’s definitely got a bunch of unhinged recordings of things he’s been experiencing and stuff he’s worried about. but if you bring up people randomly turning up in washington and what not he will treat you like a Fool

yet he definitely also goes around asking people about their experiences despite insisting all of them are ridiculous. man needs to eat

let him record on one of these bad boys

some plot ideas:

anyone he knows through work: he doesn’t really trust or like politicians but any of them who frequent the library of congress for whatever reason might know him. though honestly anyone who might frequent the library in general could know him, though it’s probably difficult to know he actually works there at first since he barely dresses in work appropriate clothes and looks like a mess at all times

supernatural creatures: like i said jon used to work investigating the paranormal and supernatural, and he’s gone kind of rogue on investigations but is still doing it. given how he is i think it would be real funny for him to be talking to a supernatural creature, getting a bunch of info, and being like, ‘real interesting, tell me more, but you know vampires don’t exist right?’ straight to a vampire’s face.

roommate: i do not think he’d be the easiest or most fun person to live with given that he’s on edge all the time, a bit of a mess, and half convinced people are out to get him literally all the time, but when you have to pay rent you do what you have to.

friends?: he’s not easy to befriend but objectively someone probably should manage to get along with him eventually. give him a little smoking buddy or something, as a treat

[iamcinema]

IAC Reviews #19: Wishbone (2000)

Hey, is anyone still alive out there? I hope so.

Coming off of last year was a disaster, and well, we didn't enter 2021 on the highest of notes. I guess you could say I've been burned out and not having a ton of motivation to do a lot, even with how much I've been grinding on Letterboxd over the past few months. I think I'm ready to come back, and since there's a storm is brewing outside, let's make today a movie night...and boy, do I have a treat for you.

I think I've made it kind of apparent that I have a weakness for terrible, low-budget, trash fires. There's something oddly charming about them where they always find a way to lure me in, and given the scene on Letterboxd, there's a bunch of SOV masochists out there waiting to get their next fix. While digging around for material to cross off my lists on titles to find and add, I was reminded of a terrible, low-budget film that was shot in my hometown over 20 years ago. I'm full of fear for what's to come, and you should be too.

________________________________________

Wishbone is a 2000 horror film directed by Timothy Gaer and co-created by Michael Fasciana, centering on a woman named Laurie who receives an unusual artifact from her eccentric aunt she acquired from a pawn dealer that causes those around her to disappear when they make wishes on it. Hmm, seems simple enough. Let's what we're in for, and I'm absolutely not ready because the IMDb page says this shit is over two hours long, despite a version on Youtube having it just a bit over 90 minutes. Let us pray.

Wishbone in One Gif:

This acting is might be the death of me, but I'm not sure what's going to be the catalyst that causes me to fall down the stairs and break my neck: the sound quality, the weird editing, or the music...oh, god what the fuck is the music doing? So much noise, noise noise!

Okay, so let's dig into this before I take too long of a break and I don't come back to this. I've already had to pause the movie a few times to catch my breath or just rewind and go back because there's a good amount that I keep missing because, apparently, the star of the film is the score and not Laurie. This is so, so slow. I've seen a lot of long horror movies, but at least with those, it feels like things are happening. Even Blood Lake had filler that did something to some degree, and with that, it was consistently bad. This movie doesn't even know what it wants to do. So, as a disclaimer, there's a good chance I'm probably missing some key details that I didn't hear because it seems that characterization isn't important if the music insists on talking over everyone.

________________________________________

So, to date, this might be one of the worst horror movies (and movies in general) that I've ever seen and it might be one of the slowest things in the entire megaverse. This is over 90 minutes of, somehow, nothing and something happening simultaneously - if that makes any sense.

This takes its sweet ass time moving along and there's so little pay-off. The majority of the characters are either nameless or we aren't introduced to them in a way that matters enough for us to care about them. It's kind of like with Violent Shit and other low-budget slasher films where the majority of the characters serve no purpose but to be disposable. Next to the two main leads, Laurie and Joe, and maybe a few others, everyone is just forgettable and even then I couldn't honestly tell you anyone's name if it was explicitly brought up. IMDb isn't helpful either, and at this point it just makes me care even less. I'm not sure if my patience has been tested too much with this, but it's kind of sad that I'm more invested in seeing what the background characters are doing than Laurie and Joe - even though I can't really hear what the hell they're saying.

Yeah, I really can't move on without talking about the sound and the music. Why is it always the audio with these movies? This has an estimated budget of $100,000, or $154,779.43 today in August 2021. How do you have the ability to somehow not make this look like a potato for the most part, well for the day shots that is, but you don't have it in you to get a good mic and someone who knows how to mix and edit correctly? I would sort of understand if you spent the majority of the money on talent to cut corners, but this is just ridiculous. Did they use the cameras' built-in mics to catch the audio here?

I feel like I need to interrupt the movie constantly to tell them to speak up because if I turn up the volume, I'm just getting bombarded with this really weird soundtrack that doesn't fit. I shit you not, during one of the kill scenes, the music booming over it sounds like it was ripped from Kevin MacLeod's "lounge" library and then the reverse happens where ominous music is playing over a more touching scene - and that's not even a dig at Kevin as an artist. That's just how inappropriate and unfitting this editing is. The weird fucking thing about this specific kill scene is that it sounds like the audio is stacked, so there are two different instrumental tracks going on.

How do you fuck something as basic as tension up like that? The audio choices are so painfully inconsistent and it doesn't know what it wants to do. There are moments where you can hear the dialogue just fine, but then the music comes in out of nowhere to segway us into the next scene and it starts to muffle things out. If it isn't that, then the dialogue is just so soft that you'd think there was a pillow on the mic or we're hearing them from the opposite side of a sound-dampened room.

This is what I meant earlier when I said I apologize in advance if I miss anything crucial because I can't make out half of these conversations. So, I'm having to keep going back if I care enough or just having to pause and take breaks because there's only so much I can handle. This means that there's a good amount I'll blank on because I have to keep going back because I can't remember the majority of these no-named characters. Who the fuck are you people? Why am I supposed to care?

If I'm understanding the non-existent rules of the wishbone, you're connected to whoever dies in some way. So, why is any of this relevant to what's going on? If it's random, then it's another reason for me not to care just because some frat kids made a wish at some point. Again, who the hell are you and why am I supposed to lament over them? Why is there so much useless filler here? Did I mention that this is over 90 minutes long and there are *three* fucking party scenes? Party scenes are to Wishbone as ten-minute-long jetskiing and beer game scenes are to Blood Lake.

Oh, speaking of other shit that's annoying. Let's talk about general editing because the sound isn't the only thing that's a mess here.

I swear that almost every single scene in this ends with a fade-out/fade-in shot. Only one or two scenes come to mind where this doesn't happen, and the first time it did I thought my browser was freezing because it abruptly cut to black and then smash cuts to a party scene. I've never, ever seen a movie that abused this that much before and it's on par with something I would have seen made by a bunch of high school kids. So, when we have a moment where this doesn't happen and it plays out normally, it feels like a breath of fresh air. I'm sure this movie's run time could have been shaved down by at least a minute or two if this wasn't a problem, along with all the useless close-up shots that serve nothing to the plot.

It's such a waste of time. I'm so fucking tired. How was this movie's budget $100k? Did they spend most of it on renting the Scranton Police Department for a few shots or did it go towards their impromptu trip to Party City? I'm so tired and I don't care anymore.

Do you want to know what the real kicker is? With just barely twenty minutes left, the whole lore about the monkey's wishbone paw comes back and that's when Laurie and her friend Karen think something is weird. Isn't this whole realization trope that happens within the first or second act, not now with your Great Value brand version of the Dream Warriors?

Also, it's not specified how much time has gone by since the start, but it has to have been at least a week or two. It's incredibly weird how they paint the main characters and the unnamed background ones as such good friends that they don't think it's weird how almost all of them have disappeared - especially one girl who doesn't seem off-put that her boyfriend (or ex) disappeared after getting into an argument at one of the parties and none of his friends could reach him either at his own house.

The final showdown is an utter pain in the ass to get through because the conflict ends as abruptly as it starts and it's so unsatisfying. We get to see the face of our villain, I guess, and then more or less cut to our leads holding hands down the street set to the same looping lounge music we've been dealing with for over 90 damn minutes. Is everyone else who went with them dead? Did they live? Who cares! That's one thing the movie and I can agree on since we never see them again. We end on a shitty cliffhanger that's supposed to prepare us for a sequel, which thankfully never happened.

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And that was Wishbone. Holy fucking shit, I've never been so thankful for a movie to be over in my life. It's 11:07 PM as of tinkering with some minor revisions and I've been in purgatory with this for over five hours, and yet, it feels like an entire lifetime has gone by.

I've raved about how bad Blood Lake was with its incredibly bad pacing, but this is next level awful and a testament to bad filmmaking if I've ever seen it. I expect a lot of the things I complained about from super amateur filmmakers who are shooting on an actual shoestring budget, not people who had that much money to fuck around with. How did they have that kind of a budget, and the most they can give us is bad audio, Windows Movie Maker levels of basic editing, three wrap parties, and a few crumbs of gore that we could see?

This was physically painful to see and I'm in much worse shape having endured it than I would have been if I sat through something liked Boardinghouse, and that has a two-and-a-half-hour-long version tied to it. This is just a marvel and I mean that in a so-bad-it's-bad way, not like how SOV enthusiasts who love this stuff pine over. If I had to give one thing going for it, one single granule of gold that I enjoyed from this, it's the limited shots we get of the area so I could make a game out of seeing what local spots I recognized. If playing I Spy is the only way for someone to endure your movie, then I don't know what else to say.

Wishbone is a hot mess where shit's happening, but also nothing is happening at the same time. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. In fact, I wish this movie never existed or would die in the ether and never return to our mortal realm ever again. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go have a smoke and hope I don't get run over by a hearse tomorrow.

RATING: 0.5/10