#also this is all from a few weeks ago at my mom's house bc she lives in the country | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pedal-writes · 6 months ago

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Homesick (2)

A/N: This one is a bit longer despite it honestly being filler but yk I gotta keep the grind up guys 🙏 oh yeah, don't mind the obligatory fanfic bestie, she isn't gonna have that big a role after this don't worry guys, big peepaw robot will only be on the mind soon lolz

Oh yeah and I added some dialogue from the book in here bc it's easier to translate that then movie dialogue so I'm gonna switch between the both of those, just an FYI!

It’s been about a week or so since you arrived in L.A.. Like Sam boasted about, he managed to get a car, a yellow camero to be exact. It was amusing how much he rubbed it in your face as if you didn’t get a car when you were literally his age. But you weren’t that bothered by his sudden load of cockiness and was just happy he managed to get some independence for himself.

Today, Felicity wanted to meet up with you and catch up over some dinner and maybe a shopping spree at the mall. She had been talking about it all week but couldn’t see you until now since she hasn’t found a good time to take off from work. You went through your suitcase and found a few cute clothing items that screamed casual but also girls night (more like day) out. As you picked up your purse and made sure all of your essentials were inside, you made your way out of your bedroom and down the stairs. A small chuckle left your lips when you heard your parents muffled voices bickering outside. They were working on the yard for the past few hours and your mom would constantly harp on what your dad did wrong. It was a little funny honestly.

Suddenly, you felt someone walk past you and a muffled sorry escaped their lips. You glanced over in confusion and saw Sam go into the garage. You snorted and decided to follow him, out of pure curiosity. As you walk into the garage and lean on the door frame, Sam scrambled to find his keys. “Hey Sam, what’s goin’ on?”

Sam glances over, his demeanor dropping a bit in annoyance. “I’m uh, going to this lake party. Miles is gonna come with me so y’know…”

“Wait, you got invited to an actual party?” You responded with a twinge of surprise in your voice. “No offense.”

“I mean not… officially. It’s a public place, anyone can go to the lake.” Sam said, making his way past you and towards one of the back doors. “And why are you so done up? You don’t usually wear clothes that nice.”

“Wh— Okay I’m going to ignore that you just said that. Anyways, Felicity is gonna pick me up in a few because she wanted to catch up since we haven’t seen each other in like forever.” You say as you adjust the purse hanging on your shoulder. As the name ‘Felicity’ leaves your mouth, Sam groans over dramatically and turns towards you. “You’re seriously still friends with that girl?”

“Duh! She’s my best friend Sam.”

“Yeah, more like she’s the best at being annoying. She would literally come here every single day after school and you two would talk about whatever girl problems you two had and by the way, I heard everything. The walls are very thin in this house.” Sam opened up the door and began to walk out. “I have no idea how mom and dad even tolerated it because I didn’t! You guys didn’t even listen to me when I complained.” He rants irritably, making his way towards the driveway.

“But she had a troubled home life! I was the only one there for her. And she hasn’t spent the night here since I was in high-school. That was, what, five years ago?” You explained as you followed close behind him. Both of you managed to step onto your father’s, Ron’s, lawn. “You two, I do not like footprints on my grass. Please step onto the very nice path I ever so carefully laid down.”

“Oh, sorry dad.” You mumbled and retraced your steps. You could practically hear Sam’s eye role as he begrudgingly did the same. “Mom, seriously, could you stop putting jewelry on Mojo? He’s got enough self-esteem issues as a Chihuahua without you pimping him every day.”

Judy frowned at her son. “You know I don’t like for you to use that term,” She scolded.

“Maybe you should put him back in the dryer, hon.” Ron said playfully.

You glanced towards your mother with a confused expression. “Wait, that’s how Mojo broke his leg? Mom, you told me he jumped off the counter and fell weird.”

“I– I was ashamed, it’s embarrassing. And It was an accident, Ron! I didn’t know he fell asleep in the laundry basket. You know how hard he is to see sometimes.” Judy reached down and picked up the small dog, cuddling him close to her chest despite Mojo’s frantic means to escape her grasp. “How’s your little leggy-weggy, huh, tough guy?” She cooed.

Hearing a small buzz come from your phone, you grab it from your pocket and see a message from Felicity.

‘I’m here nerd :P GET UR ASS OUT HERE!!’

“Oh uh, Felicity’s here. I’ll see you guys later. And have fun at your lake party, SAM.” You walk back into the house and hear a cut off ‘shut up’ as you close the door behind you. From the windows at the front of the house, you see that familiar white convertible parked in front of the house and excitedly open the front door, locking it behind you.

“Hey you! Long time no see.” Felicity said, resting her sunglasses on top of her head. You walk towards the car and open the door to sit inside. “Yeah, it’s certainly been awhile.” You lean over and give Felicity a hug, cringing slightly at the amount of perfume she’s wearing.

“So how are you? How’s your job?” Pulling away, she starts the car and drives down the neighborhood’s street. “I’m doing alright. I uh… quit my job. Some stuff happened with another coworker and I just couldn’t work there anymore.” You hesitantly answered, fidgeting with the strap of your purse.

“Oh snap. Was it like a creepy coworker thing or…”

“No no, nothing like that. Well I guess… kinda. It’s complicated. I had no idea what this guy’s problem with me was but he wouldn’t leave me alone! Always harassed me before, during, and after work. I tried to report him to H.R. but since he was positions above me, they just gave him a slap on the wrist.” You paused for a few moments and felt your cheeks begin to burn with embarrassment. “So one morning, I was so pent up I�� hit him. Like punched him, really hard. I’m pretty sure I broke his nose and screwed up my hand really badly. It was a stupid thing, really…”

Felicity stayed quiet for a few seconds before a smile creeped onto her face. “That is so badass.”

You looked at her dumbfounded. “It was not badass!”

“It so was! You were like ‘you want a piece of me?! Bam!’ and then the creep went down. I bet he never bothered you again after that, huh?” She quipped, that same dumb smile resting on her face.

“No, he didn’t. But it cost me my job! It’s just really unprofessional.”

“But didn’t you quit it?”

You sighed. “I quit out of embarrassment, before they would inevitably fire me.”

“Oh. Well, since you’re so smart, I’m confident you’ll find another one. Maybe one without a weirdo guy.”

“Yeah, I hope so.” You rested your elbow against the hard material on the door and laid your head against your cheek, staring at the passing buildings and people with a mopey expression. You really were disappointed you lost a job that both perfectly matched your interests and paid highly. Maybe after being in L.A. for a few weeks will raise your spirits enough to start job hunting again, and get out of this weird depressive funk that’s been preventing you from doing so.

Felicity noticed your change in attitude and cleared her throat, changing the subject. “So I’ve been following this one news blog and apparently there are some high tensions between the U.S. and some other countries for some reason. I really hope a war doesn’t start because that would be, like, really bad.” She says, glancing between you and the road ahead of her.

“Oh yeah,” You sit up again and look at her. “I’ve seen stuff like that on the news. If a war does start, they would start drafting people right?”

Slowly the restaurant came into view and Felicity pulled the car into the parking lot. “Pretty sure, but only boys though. Woohoo for us I guess… Speaking of boys, how’s Sam doing?”

“He’s doing fine. He got a car recently, It’s kind of a piece of junk though. And he also still hates you.”

Felicity laughed as she pulled into an empty parking space. “Yeah I figured. Should I apologize to him? Since I kind of invaded your personal life for a good while.” She turned off the car and stepped out, grabbing her purse. You think about it and eventually nod, also exiting the vehicle. ”He’s annoying for sure but I’m gonna say yes. I care about the both of you and I don’t want any bad tension between you two, as funny as it is.”

“I’ll remember that. Oh, and when we get in here, only one alcoholic beverage. Cause I am not dragging your drunk ass out of here like last time.” She playfully bumped her shoulder into yours and opened the front door for you.

“What that– It was my 21st birthday! That’s not fair. I even said I wouldn’t do something like that again.” You argued.

“Riiight, okay. Just get in here.” You rolled your eyes and mumbled a ‘whatever’, to which Felicity chuckled.

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.

It was already night time when you and Felicity were done shopping at the mall. She was a bit of a bad influence considering how overboard you went with the shopping, with her excuse being ‘you’ll probably rarely get chances to visit Cali again so make it worth your while!’ But despite the amount of money you spent, you deemed it worth it considering you found the cutest pair of Uggs. As the two of you walked down the sidewalk, You let out a small sigh as you realized how far away Felicity had actually parked. It was a Saturday night so of course the mall was packed, so it made sense for her to park a block or two away.

What you both didn’t know was that there was a looming police car in the distance behind you, slowly creeping.

“Remember that one time in sophomore year when you liked that one jock-y kind of guy and during valentines day, you went up to give him a valentine and literally fell on your face?” You laughed, adjusting the bags in your hands so they wouldn’t be as uncomfortable in your hands.

“Oh my god, that was so embarrassing! It gives me second-hand embarrassment just thinking about it.” Felicity shivered.

“Hey, at least he asked if you were ok, even if he rejected you afterwards…”

“Ugh, can we talk about something else? Please?”

Soon, Felicity’s car came into view and you both crossed the street with urgency. As you put your bags in the backseat and got into the car, your brows furrowed at the police car parked beside the sidewalk you and Felicity were just walking. “Uh, Was that Cop car always there?” You pointed out to your friend.

“Mm, yeah no. I’m pretty sure he just drove up. He’s probably keeping a look out for thieves or junkies or something.” She replied, starting the car and beginning to pull out of the parking space. “Unless, you’re the thief.”

You playfully scoffed. “I wouldn’t steal anything!”

“I’m just joshing with you.” Felicity patted your back and drove down the dark street. A few minutes would pass before you would see that same cop car following behind you two from that same far distance as before. You brushed it off, he was probably just driving to get something to eat or go back to the station. But as Felicity turned the car a few more times and the car still didn’t change its direction, you started to get a little anxious.

“Felicity, that cop car is legitimately following us now.” You mumble, staring into the rear view mirrors with a small pit in your stomach.

“What? Should I pull over?” She replied in a worried manner.

“I don’t think so… He would turn his lights on or–or yell at us to pull over by now.”

Felicity decided to take a different way to your house and went down a darkened street with almost no streets nor people, to try and maybe lose him. The two of you still kept your eyes on the rear view lights before the car suddenly stopped. It sat there for a few seconds before making a U-turn and going back the way it entered, almost like it was being called by something. You both sighed in relief, “Thank god…” You muttered.

“That was really weird… Do you think he was gonna kidnap us or something?” Felicity looked at you with wide eyes.

The thought irked you a bit and you shook your head. “I don’t want to think about it, I just want to go home.”

Felicity nodded understandably and went back onto the regular route to your house. The ride wasn’t that long and as the car drove down your neighborhood’s street, the familiar shape of your family's home came into view. “Thank you for coming to hang out with me, I really missed you. And I’m sorry it ended weird with the whole cop thing…” Felicity said with a small frown on her face.

You huffed, leaning in and giving her a hug. “It’s okay. At least he left us alone and I got to spend some time with you.” You pulled away and smiled, to which she returned. You reached in the back and grabbed your bags, stepping out and closing the car door with your hip.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, please get home safe Fel.”

“Will do, tell your parents I said hi!” With that, Felicity started her car again and drove down the street. You watched her drive away for a few seconds before going into your house. When you opened your door, it was dark and you were pretty sure your parents were asleep. You walked up the stairs and you heard Sam’s muffled talking coming from his room. Something about how leaving someone behind at the lake wasn’t that big a deal and to ‘get over it.’

You snorted and headed towards your room, setting your bags down and closing the door. It was a bit late but you could probably still squeeze a shower in, considering you felt a bit sweaty from walking outside all that time. You took off your shoes and grabbed your towel off of the door, walking back into the hallway and into the bathroom. You didn’t want the shower to be too long considering how late it is so you moved with a sense of urgency, getting out after about 20 minutes.

After getting into some jammies and aggressively drying your hair with your towel, you flop into bed and sort of reminisce about the past day. While you were really happy you got to see your best friend again, you felt a bit irked out by that cop car following you and Felicity. There really was no rational explanation to justify why that car was following you so it was probably either a creepy guy who stole a police car, or worse, a creepy cop. The thought creeped you out and you sat up, yawning and rubbing your eyes tiredly. Your eyes dart over to under your door and you see a little bit of light that was coming from Sam’s room. That gave you an idea. You grabbed a blanket and a pillow and made your way out of your room. You stopped at Sam’s door and knocked. The sound of approaching footsteps were heard and the door opened, Sam standing there with a neutral expression. “What’s up?”

“Can I sleep in your room tonight?” You hesitantly asked, honestly feeling a little childish.

Sam rolled his eyes. “You’re a grown woman, with your own room, and I need my privacy. So if you don't mind—” As he closed the door, you gently stopped it with your hand and gave him a saddened look. “Please Sam, I don’t think I want to be alone right now.”

His eyes widened slightly and he sighed, opening the door fully and letting you enter. You found an empty spot on the carpeted floor and threw your pillow down, sitting down beside it. “So… Did something bad happen today?” Sam asked, walking over and sitting on his bed.

“No—well, yeah I guess. Felicity and I were on our way over here and this cop car was just slowly driving after us. I didn’t think much of it at first until Felicity turned a few times and that car was still behind us. We were panicking and I thought ‘oh my god i’m going to die’ before the creep stopped and turned around. It wasn’t fun, like at all.” As you talked, you laid your head down against your pillow and pulled your blanket over you, looking over at your brother.

“Oh damn, I’m sorry. That sounds freaky.” Sam said with a frown.

“Yeah it certainly was. I’m just glad we managed to get out of there without getting hurt or worse… Anyways, I’m gonna change the subject now. How was the lake party?”

Sam grinned at the question. “You won’t believe it when I tell you, cause it’s that unbelievable.”

“Spill.”

“Mikaela Banes actually got into my car and I drove her home, in my car!”

You sat up with a bewildered expression. “Bullshit!”

“I’m serious!”

The two of you talked and laughed for a little while after that and soon drifted off to sleep, you forgetting about the mildly upsetting events that transpired today. A few hours had passed of peaceful slumber until you heard a car revving and Sam running out his door in a hurry. You were still a bit dazed and your tired mind registered it as nothing, so you quickly fell back to sleep.

#sigh I’m struggling a little on ch3 #but it’s getting there guys #transformers #tf bayverse #bayverse #bayformers #optimus prime #optimus prime x reader #bayverse optimus prime x reader #maccadam

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zoeysdamn · 2 years ago

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Bloodied petals - Xavier Thorpe x reader | Part.4

Summary: You remember memories of your childhood with Xavier, hoping to get some courage from it to talk things out with him. Wednesday starts to suspect something, and Principal Weems isn't happy with either of you.

Warnings: angst, mention of blood, underage drinking, swearing. IMPORTANT: the last part of the taglist had made my tumblr bug so hard so it didn't work, I'm sorry for those who hadn't received a notification while being tagged. If the problem continues for further parts, I'll consider deleting the taglist bc fuck I just lost 40 minutes re-editing this chapter 3 times before finally achieving to post it

[Masterlist] [Part.1] [Part.2] [Part.3]

Xavier had been your first kiss. You doubted he remembered it but you definitely did. When your aunt had dropped you at the Thorpe manor for the first time, you were just turning 6 and had that funny haircut that almost hid your eyes. Your aunt Cordelia wasn’t so fond of this hairstyle, but things had been hard for you since your mom’s passing less than six months ago; taking care of the birdnest you were calling hair could wait for the situation to settle down.

Aunt Cordelia had explained to you that you were going to live with a dear friend of hers for some time because she couldn’t take you with her to an upcoming witch congress on the other side of the world. Couldn’t or wouldn’t you didn’t know, to you the only thing that mattered was that you were going to a foreign place, and your mom wasn’t here anymore to comfort you.

“You’ll be fine here,” had assured your aunt while your luggage was taken out of a car by the butler.

“Can’t I come with you?” you had asked again with a wobbling lip and watery eyes.

“You know you can’t pumpkin,” said Aunt Cordelia. “Mr.Thorpe has a son about your age, I’m sure you’ll become friends very fast.”

And just like that, she left, and you found yourself alone in a manor you didn’t know.

Mr.Thorpe had been intimidating but the good thing was he hadn’t more time for you than your aunt did, and as soon he introduced himself to you he left too. So you had fled to your new room and hidden in the closet to cry. You didn’t want to be here, you didn’t even want to be raised by Aunt Cordelia ; you wanted your mom, but that was impossible now.

Then, you had heard the creak of the closet’s door being opened and you had timidly peaked up from behind your hand. A little boy was crouching down to your level, looking at you curiously with his big hazel eyes.

“Why are you sad?” he had asked with his childish voice.

Taken aback by his question, you had wiped the tears on your cheeks, “I’m not sad, I’m just lonely.”

He had looked at you curiously; then he had raised his little hand to brush away the hair that was obstructing your face. The gesture had made you flinch a bit, but he was gentle and somehow, you had felt like you could trust this boy. He had beamed, exposing the gap left by a missing tooth.

“You have pretty eyes!” he had exclaimed.

“Thanks?” you had said unsure, still sniffling.

He nodded vigorously, his smile plastered on his chubby face. Then he extended his hand to you. “Wanna get out of here? I know where the cookies are hidden, we can search for them together, it’ll be fun!”

This brought a small smile to your face for the first time in weeks, and you had taken his hand. Within the next few days, you had your hair cut. That’s how you met Xavier Thorpe.

From there, your friendship bloomed. Aunt Cordelia tried to spend at least six months a year with you, and you lived at her house for that time. Well, she tried, and sometimes you found yourself dropped by the Thorpe manor more than intended. This didn’t bother you, you enjoyed Xavier’s company, and you were best friends after all. And considering his own father was also absent frequently, he loved when you were there. When you turned 12, your aunt brought you along on her trips to make a sort of pilgrimage around all the important sites of witchcraft around the world. According to her, it was time for you to learn more about your history and soak up their energy. The trip was so long, you didn’t see Xavier for two whole years. And when you came back to the Thorpe manor at 14, the both of you had changed a lot. Gone was the little boy with scraped knees and round cheeks, the teenager you met at the door was lanky and definitely taller than you now.

“Hey,” he had greeted you with a lopsided grin. The twinkle in his eyes though hadn’t changed the slightest.

“Hi,” you had smiled back. “You’ve let your hair grow,” you noticed.

“You lost the braces,” he counter-attacked, not losing his smile for a second.

He opened his arms and you didn’t lose a breath before diving into the hug. Oh, you had missed him. You had thought that everything would be like usual, but since puberty, you definitely noticed that things had indeed changed between you two. Your aunt asked a little more about Xavier when you went home, and you didn’t look at him the same way. He was more…attractive somehow; you loved the long hair. The same week you came back, the two of you went to a party with some of his friends from the normie school he went to. This wasn’t the first time any of you had alcohol, but it definitely was the first time you got drunk. A silly game was suggested and in your already advanced tipsy state, you and Xavier had thought this would be fun. You remembered vaguely the rules being to spin a bottle and then kiss someone or drink to avoid it, or something. To be honest most of your memories of that night were kind of blurry ; but when the bottle had pointed in your direction and your eyes had met Xavier’s, you distinctly remember your heart missing a beat. Maybe you had thought about protesting or something, maybe your mind had been too cloudy to properly ponder whether or not you should do this. It didn’t matter, because the next thing you knew then, Xavier had leaned to you and had pressed his lips against yours. That’s how you got your first kiss, by kissing your best friend during a drinking game.

The next day the hangover had been so hard, Xavier didn’t remember half of the previous evening, not even your kiss. But you definitely did. Over the years you had forced yourself to push it down, thinking it was only a silly teenagers game and that you shouldn’t get too excited about this.

Thinking about this now, you thought that you had been in love with Xavier for far longer than you imagined. You should have seen it coming, and yet here you were, with flowers slowly growing in your lungs because of your feelings.

You were wandering in Jericho as the other Nevermore students were dispatched in different areas for Outreach day. Principal Weems had reminded you that everyone’s presence was requested for the inauguration ceremony at the end of the day – that yes, even you miss L/N are to attend this. Then she had let you free for the remainder of the day, and you were glad she did. You had a few things to buy at Jericho, this could be the occasion. But while you were making your purchases you were starting to realize that you were only postponing the moment when you’ll eventually have to talk with Xavier.

He had left the Nightshades’ crypt quite upset, it pained you even more to know that he was mad at you. You needed to fix this and fast. So you ended up pushing the Weathervane’s doors open, eyes searching for familiar hazel hair. Enid had texted you where Xavier had the displeasure of working that day and reading the coffee shop's name had made you wince. Hopefully, Tyler won't be working today.

“Hey L/N,” you heard from the counter and you cursed internally. Turning to the counter, you narrowed your eyes at the curly-haired boy.

“Galpin,” you greeted him half-heartedly as you came closer. Ever since what he and his friends had done to Xavier on last year’s Outreach day, you despised him.

“Do you, uh, want to order something?” he asked.

God, the way he acted all innocent and kind made you want to punch him in the face. On any other day you probably would have, but right now you were just drained.

“Sure,” you finally let out, “I’ll have a large cappuccino with two shots of espresso, please.”

“Coming right up,” he said before starting to make your order, and you find a seat next to the window.

For a moment, you put your face in your hands like it would give you some peace for a while. Everything had escalated so quickly, you didn’t even know if there was going to be an actual end to all of this.

The sound of a mug being dropped in front of you on the table made you look up, and the sight of Xavier surprised you.

“Tyler mentioned that you had ordered something,” he explained to your surprised expression.

Glancing to the boy awkwardly standing behind the counter, who tried to look like he was busy and not looking at the two of you, you gave him the slightest nod of the head as a thanks. Xavier sat on the opposite bench, arms plopped on the table nervously.

“Look I–”

“There’s something–” you both started at the same time. It made you chuckle nervously, “Go on,” you pressed him gently.

He passed a hand through his hair nervously, “I- I’m sorry I’ve been such a dick yesterday, okay?”. The guilt in his eyes was evident and you were relieved to hear that he had calmed down. “I shouldn’t have called you a liar.”

“No, that’s on me,” you muttered, playing with the still untouched mug. “I’m…not feeling well these days,” you finally admitted.

Xavier’s eyebrows knitted together in worry. To his knowledge, you never had any serious health issues. The flu once in a while maybe, but nothing that sounded that bad. He leaned closer to you over the table, a serious look on his face.

“What’s going on?” he asked in a hushed, yet gentle voice.

Suddenly, all the courage you had built up vanished. You had been so confident that you were going to tell Xavier everything, that this was the only way of making things right. You felt like you owed him that, after all, he had everything to do with your condition.

But as you were about to expose the truth to him…something stopped you.

The feeling of a warm hand on your trembling ones made you snap back to reality. Xavier’s face was fully painted in worry now.

“You okay?” he asked. “You zoned out for a second.”

You nodded slowly, gulping. No need to lie to yourself, you knew exactly what was stopping you from telling Xavier everything. The fear of losing him. Deep down you were afraid that if you told him about the Hanahaki disease, and what – who – caused it, he would end up leaving you. And you were far more afraid of losing Xavier than you were of coughing flowers. Because without Xavier, you feared that you'd end up alone again. And you never wanted to ever feel like that again.

Licking your lips, you wondered what you should say to him. So you lied again.

“I’m ill,” you blurted out. “I got sick around a week ago, that’s why I’ve been so distant lately.”

Technically, you weren’t really lying to him. It had been more than a week since the first symptoms, but the rest was true. You simply choose…not to disclose everything.

“Shit,” he swore under his breath, “are you feeling okay? What is it?”

“I’m fine,” you squeezed his hand in reassurance, “I had no idea of what it was until recently so…”

“Is this serious?” he inquired again.

Flashes of the pages mentioning the inevitable death of patients appeared in your mind.

“No,” you finally let out. “I’ll get better at some point I’m sure. Bought a few things to make a potion to ease the symptoms.”

Xavier glanced at your bag and nodded. Whether or not he believed you, he didn’t press the matter further.

“I should have been honest with you sooner, it’s just…it had been a couple of rough weeks,” you said with a weak smile.

He nodded in understanding, still you could see he was still worried about you. “Yeah, I get it…between that, Wednesday's arrival and the whole monster thing it had been a little bit crazy, right?”

You slightly frowned at him. It wasn’t it, he was misreading the situation completely! As you were about to say something, you suddenly became very aware of faint whispers around you. So did Xavier apparently because the two of you whipped your heads around at the same time. Glancing behind your shoulder you noticed a group of normies teenagers throwing glances at you, whispering and giggling among themselves. Some of their words reached your ears.

“...think…’re together?...”

“maybe…freaks…from Neverm…”

“...kinda cute…couple…”

You felt your face burn. Not in shame, but for the first time in the possibility of what it implied. Many people had mistaken Xavier and you as a couple before, but it was the first time you truly felt flustered by the idea of it.

Then Xavier pulled his hand off of yours and the sudden loss of contact made your heart drop. He sank into his seat further, putting more distance between the two of you. Eyes flickering to him in disbelief, you only met his sorry expression.

“I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he muttered while casting his eyes away.

You wanted to protest, to say that it didn’t make you uncomfortable at all, but words were stuck in your throat. As were petals.

“I should probably go back to work,” said Xavier while getting up. “But I’ll finish in an hour, if you want to wait?”

“Sure,” you mumbled.

Tears started to burn behind your eyes. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go at all. The light ring of the doorbell made both of your heads turn to Wednesday who had just arrived. Her sole presence, usually not unwelcomed, was dreadful to you and you felt like you were becoming lightheaded. The burning inside your chest bloomed and the whole coffee shop felt suffocating. Raising from your seat abruptly you gathered your bag and vest without a word.

“Where are you doing?” asked Xavier lightly touching your shoulder.

“I’m- I’m not feeling well,” you excused yourself, which made Wednesday raise her eyebrow as she came to your side. “I need some air.” Feeling Xavier’s worried eyes on your back you squeezed the hand on your shoulder. “We’ll talk about this later, okay?” you whispered to him.

He seemed to hesitate, but between your pleading eyes and the intense bored expression on Wednesday’s face, he finally conceded.

“Okay,” he said softly. “I’ll see you later.”

You smiled weakly at him before rushing to the exit, head low. Walking rapidly through the streets you hurried until you found an empty alley which you immediately rushed into before throwing up in a garbage can. The flowers and blood mixed together regurgitated from your sore throat, as quickly as they had appeared within your chest. Tears flooded down your cheeks as the last petals left your mouth. Coughing fits were getting more and more unpredictable. You choked on your own breath, mouth tasting bitter and throat ablaze. If you didn’t do something real quick, you were going to die. But for now, you just felt so, so tired. Weems and the inaugural ceremony be damned, you were going back to Nevermore to sleep your problems away. Then, you’ll take it from here.

In the end, returning to the school to sleep and avoid facing your problems gave you more problems. A few hours later you were standing in Principal Weems’ office alongside Wednesday, getting a lecture about setting Crackstone’s statue on fire.

“For the hundredth time, I didn’t set fire to that statue!” you pleaded to the principal.

“And what evidence of your innocence do you have, miss L/N?” snapped Weems back. “Should you have attended the ceremony like you were supposed to, we wouldn’t have this conversation.”

“I attended this ridiculous ceremony,” noted Wednesday out loud, “yet you’re suspecting me too.”

She shot a deadly glare at your impassable roommate, “And I have every reason to miss Addams. The two of you had good motives to set this statue on fire, and miss L/N had mysteriously disappeared just before the ceremony.”

“I wasn’t feeling well that’s all,” you tried to defend yourself. “Do you really think I’d brand myself a witch in front of all of Jericho? Those people hate my guts, I don’t want to have anything to do with their shitty town!”

Weem’s hand hit her desk with force, “Mind your language, young lady!”

Wednesday only rolled her eyes at the whole ordeal. You on the other hand, were pretty sure she had something to do with it – but unlike you she had a solid alibi. And surprisingly, she stepped in your defense.

“Y/N is right about not feeling well these days,” she interjected, making both Weems’ head and yours snap to her. “She sometimes coughs in her sleep, this is very unpleasant.”

Principal Weems narrowed her eyes at you, “Is that true, miss L/N? Have you fallen ill?”

You nodded slowly, “Just small flu. Must’ve caught a cold during the Poe cup.”

The principal looked pointedly at the two of you, breathing hard through her nostril. Then she threw an accusatory finger at your pair.

“I want,” she articulated slowly, “the two of you out of my office. Now. And I don’t want to ever hear about you either.”

None of you needed to be asked twice. Once in the corridors and far enough from Weems’ office, you turned to Wednesday.

“Thank you for having my back with Weems,” you said quietly, “you didn’t have to do that.”

“No I didn’t,” she repeated. “I was right, you do cough at night and it is unpleasant.”

That made you frown slightly. None of your roommates shouldn’t have been able to hear you, you still casted the silencing spell every night.

“Since when?”

“About a week,” she said, while narrowing her eyes.

You started to think hard. It had been far more than a week since you had started to cast the spell. This was basic magic, a simple but efficient spell that you had been practising for years. There was no reason for you to fail it. The only logical explanation…was that your magic was weakening. The natural reaction for your mind would be to list every reason for it not to be possible, but then you thought about the sudden stop of your spell during the Poe cup, which had made your boat stop dead in its tracks; and so it added up. The disease had not only damaged your body, but it had also consequences on your powers. This was definitely concerning.

“You are indeed sick, aren’t you?” asked Wednesday. At the surprised look on your face, she quickly added, “Don’t think I care, I’m just readjusting your position on my suspects' list by considering all the parameters.”

You scoffed in disbelief “I’m on your suspect list? No shit, Wednesday?”

“It is perfectly plausible,” she said plainly. “With your powers and knowledge in potions, you have the ability to increase your strength I suspect, and you know the school’s grounds by heart,” you heard her listing, “you’ve spent more time alone than usual for the past weeks, with no one to testify of your presence elsewhere than on the crime scenes, and when I started to suspect Xavier you immediately fled to his defence without proof, like you knew for sure he couldn’t be the monster. So tell me Y/N,” she continued while looking at you dead in the eye, “why couldn’t you be the killer?”

Struck by her question you could only blink in disbelief. What. the. hell?

“Excuse me what?” you articulated after long seconds of silence.

“You should be honored,” she said flatly, “it requires some skills to be added to a potential suspect list.”

“I don’t want to be on a fucking suspect list,” you spat, “you’re delusional Wednesday.”

“My observations and suppositions are rarely wrong, I’m not the one burying herself in denial.”

Stepping closer to her you gritted your teeth together. “I can’t be the monster, I literally can’t.”

“What proof do you have of that?” she retorted.

Fuming, you tried to not play her game. But staying calm in front of her insolent lay back behavior was starting to be incredibly harder. “Drop it,” you spat.

“You’re just proving me right.”

That’s when you lost it, “I CAN’T BECAUSE I’M FUCKING DYING OKAY?” you roared at her.

For a moment, nothing but echoes of your words resonated within the corridor’s walls. Your ragged breaths contrasted with Wednesday’s neutral expression, unfazed by your scream. Only after a few seconds of a mortifying silence did you realize what you just did because you had lost your nerves. Shutting your eyes tightly you internally prayed that no one around heard you.

“I don’t think you’re lying,” simply said Wednesday.

You let out a scoff, “I’m not, trust me. I’m sick, and my health is deteriorating every day. If you don’t want to believe me that’s fine but leave me the fuck out of your stupid list.”

She raised an unimpressed eyebrow at you, “Until you’re blessed with black plague, I doubt you’ll die because of whatever sickness you have.”

“God, can you stop being that infuriating for once?” you snapped bitterly. “I’ve done every possible research on the subject and I know I’m doomed, okay?”

A silence took place between the two of you. You whipped away tears that had gathered at the corner of your eyes. It was the first time you had admitted it out loud ; it hurt more than you thought.

“I’m sorry to hear about your condition,” said Wednesday quietly ; and now matter how surprised you were by her words, you still thanked her quietly. “Does a cure exist?”

“Not that I’m aware of,” you muttered. “It…healing doesn’t depend on me.” At her frown, you lightly shrugged. “Flowers are growing in my lungs because of unrequited romantic feelings,” you explained quietly. “Eventually, I’ll either die from internal bleeding or choking.”

This time, it was her turn to scoff, “You’re plagued with a deadly disease because you have feelings for someone? You just gave me the final proof that feelings are indeed useless, thank you.”

“I don’t fucking need your sarcasm,” you seethed, “if you want to be a stone-cold bitch that’s on you, but no need to mock me for having actual feelings. I didn’t choose this.”

She looked at you closely, like she was trying to figure out something. Which she apparently did rather quickly: “It’s Xavier, isn’t it? He’s the one you have…feelings for.”

You turned your face away, licking your lips. Wednesday was really the last person you wanted to have this conservation with.

“You’re getting weak and you’re losing your powers because you have feelings for a meaningless man,” she repeated. “I thought you were better than that.”

“Fuck off Wednesday,” you cried, finally reaching your breaking point. “I’m not asking to understand, I’m not even asking you to be compassionate but shit, for once in your life be respectful of someone’s privacy.”

With that, you turned away and rushed into the corridors. You didn’t want to hate Wednesday, she had done nothing to you ; even regarding Xavier’s feelings, you were confident that her arrival hadn’t triggered your condition. Maybe it had accelerated it, but sooner or later Xavier would have fallen in love with someone else, and you would have been doomed anyway. So yeah, you didn’t want to hate Wednesday Addams ; but she definitely didn’t make things easy.

A little less than an hour later, you found yourself walking through the school’s woods. The heated discussion with Wednesday had strangely given you enough courage to go and find Xavier, and finally explain everything to him. Weakened by your feelings? My ass! you thought. You were going to tell what was going on with you to Xavier, and to hell with the consequences on your friendship.

You soon reached his artist shed in the middle of the woods. Its reassuring aura made you a little more at ease than the very public space of the Weathervane. Knocking on the door, you waited for Xavier to answer you. When he opened the door, you let out a loud gasp at the wound on his neck.

“Holy shit, what happened to you?” you asked while pushing him back inside immediately before coming in. You immediately went to take a look at his bleeding jaw, carefully tilting his chin to the side.

“Just an accident with a painting, nothing too bad,” he tried to reassure you.

“Nothing bad? Xavier, you have claw marks bleeding on your neck, this isn’t some small scratch!”

You could see that he was trying to brush it away, but you forced him to sit on a stool while you inspected the extent of his injuries. It didn’t look so bad, you could probably do something about it. Carefully dragging your fingers on the outlines of the claw marks you whispered a healing spell. The bleeding gradually stopped, and the cells of the skin started to slowly repair themselves. Though it started here, and the marks were still here looking like fresh scars. You gritted your teeth in frustration. With the full extent of your powers, you could have probably healed him completely.

“That should do,” you muttered with a small smile.

“Thanks,” he smiled back. “So,” he said after a few seconds of silence, “guess we need to talk, uh?”

“Yeah,” you chuckled awkwardly, “guess we do.”

You fidgeted with your sleeve, toying with words in your mind. It was always more difficult to launch a subject when the time had come.

“I’m not doing well,” you said, trying to resume the discussion where it had been left out back at the Weathervane, “and I’m not sure if I can really get better…on my own.”

Xavier leaned forward, fully focused on the matter. “How can I help you?”

You almost wanted to cry. He wanted so much to help you while having no idea of how bad the situation was.

“This is…kind of complicated to talk about,” you hesitated. But to your surprise, Xavier gently took your hand into one of his bigger ones.

“Hey,” he called softly, “you know you can tell me anything, right?”

After a slight hesitation, you nodded slowly. Yet words didn’t seem to come out of your mouth. You started to open your mouth to finally confess, but something caught your eye. A large canvas hung on an easel, all in black and white tones. Like pulled by the invisible force of curiosity you slowly approached it, your hand slipping away from Xavier’s. As you approached and noticed who was painted you felt your heart sink into your chest. The painted figure of Wednesday playing her cello was taunting you, and it painfully reminded you of that night in Xavier’s room, when he had started to sketch it. It reminded you that you had no chance.

Xavier called out for you from behind. But when you turned back to him, he was met with the look of your teary eyes.

“You see, that’s why I can’t tell you,” you whispered sadly, “I can’t spoil this from you.”

“What are you talking about?” he frowned.

“This,” you said, gesturing at the portrait, “I can’t ruin your happiness with my burden, Xav.”

“Y/N please,” he said getting up, “please tell me what’s going on.”

You shook your head, defeated. “I can’t,” you whispered weakly. “Sorry I- I got to go.”

Before Xavier could react you slipped away and rushed outside of the shed. Tears were running down your cheeks but you couldn’t care less. It was clear that you could never interfere in Xavier’s feelings for Wednesday, so why bother saying anything to him at all? You heard him call you as soon as you had crossed the door but you didn’t dare to turn back and face him. He managed to grab your wrist when you were barely a few meters away from the shed.

“Please don’t shut me out,” he begged you. You still couldn’t face him on your own, so he gently tucked on your hand, turning you to him. “Please Y/N, tell me what’s going on with you, ‘cause I can guess on my own.”

Hesitantly, you looked up at him. Even though your eyes were blurry because of tears, you couldn’t help yourself but lose yourself in the admiration of his face. His brown eyes, so deep and full of compassion, his sharp features framed by soft hazel eyes…you wanted to print this image in your mind for however long you had still to live. Just like that night in his room, your eyes flickered to his lips. This time you didn’t hesitate, and you leaned forward and pressed your lips against his.

He flinched slightly, for the first second. But then he surprised himself thinking how soft your lips felt against his own.

You stayed like this for long seconds. Keeping your eyes closed and savouring the moment, you then realized that Xavier wasn’t moving at all. Biting back the bitter feeling within your guts, you slowly parted from him. Xavier simply stood up there frozen in place ; not understanding why you had kissed him so suddenly. At his lack of reaction and dumbfounded expression, you wanted to cry again so badly. Instead, you looked up at him.

“I wanted to do that at least once,” you whispered. No matter how you had tried to keep them at bay, tears were flooding down your cheeks now.

Still stuck down in place, Xavier didn’t know what to say. But the face of his best friend, teared apart by pain and sadness, was already too much to handle for him.

“I- I’m sorry Y/N,” he muttered, “I don’t…I like you, I truly do but…but not like this.”

Through your tears, you tried to smile ; it was a pathetic attempt. “Yeah…I know,” you whispered weakly.

It would have been easier if you had the ability to vanish away on the spot. It would have made you avoid moving away from Xavier and returning to the school painfully slowly, each of your steps burdened by the weight of your broken heart and the knowledge that Xavier hadn’t even tried to stop you. It would also have saved you from running into Wednesday once again, and hearing her asking Xavier out for the ball in the distance. It would have.

But you couldn’t vanish, instead, you were here shedding every tear you had along bloodied flowers, not even trying to stop either of them.

You just had your heart shattered into a million pieces and the confirmation that there was no hope for you. You were doomed, and the flowers growing inside of your lungs would soon reach your body’s breaking point.

[Part.5]

A/N: Thanks everyone for your incredible support, I hope you enjoyed this part ♥

Hope you’re all doing okay, take care of you ♥

Taglist:

(no need to ask at every chapter, you're added once, and you're added for the whole fic :D)

@apocalypticnovaa ; @libdarkheart ; @ameliabs-world ; @certifeidlovergirl ; @aeisnoa ; @cat-loves-music ; @coolchick333 ; @eringaitskill ; @sweaterxav ; @sssleepless ;

@l4venderia ; @persipeoni ; @coldheartedmar ; @chaosfrisur ; @littlebabyk ; @pinksirensong ; @nushy ; @raribella ; @igotanidea ; @ali-r3n ;

@cafeaueva ; @queenofshinigamis ; @xxhospital-for-soulsxx ; @imtherealslimmoony ; @one-oblivious-nerd ; @amphitritesangels ; @valckenaux ; @aliciahlewis ; @lilsunshine1092 ; @ell0ra-br3kk3r ;

@hershey2813 ; @ahmya-4 ; @katkoosik ; @maggie-da-rat ; @hopelessnessforthehopeful ; @mk-the-great ; @neenieweenie ; @steviesbergthuis ; @rayliz793 ; @poison-ivy-737 ;

@katiemrty ; @vanillaarr ; @corpsebridenightamare ; @ghswlz ; @siriusblacksl0ver ; @poppyalice2001 ; @mypsychoticlove ; @jointherebellion215 ; @siriwhitewolf ; @miinnttyy ;

@teaganthemorningstar ; @oblivion-void ; @fandomstoryreader25 ; @darkdaydreamer ; @engenelxver ; @maddiechapman15 ; @hannahnikohl ; @pajerita19 ; @i-like-trains ; @tinafuentes ;

@slngarza ; @lqveharrington ; @honethatty12 ; @users09 ; @honestlyka ;

Usernames not found by Tumblr and notified by DM:

@flowersownme @eileen201804 @peacheskiwi @spiceyhotsherbet @ramiiroll @theweirdone2468 @tempressofthetarot @bambi-munson @apollo3475 @engenelxver @2000bitf @hes-club

Plz tell me if I’ve forgotten you in the taglist (or if you wanna join!)

#xavier thorpe x you #xavier x reader #xavier x you #xavier thorpe x reader #xavier thorpe #xavier thrope imagine #xavier thorpe angst #wednesday netflix #wednesday series #wednesday #wednesday addams #reader insert #hanahaki disease #no beta we die like men

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annt-i · 5 months ago

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okok really showing how mentally ill I am, but my mom watches Big Brother (Reality competition show for those who don't know) and of course my brain immediately started formatting on what kind of contestants Alex Rider characters would be. so yeah,,, enjoy.

DISCLAIMER, I personally have never watched the show, so all I know is from what my mom mentions and what I walk past when I go through the living room. Also I am operating under the idea that these characters are participating in the show out of their own free will and not for a mission or w/e

Alex: Would likely be an audience fav and would go far in athletic competitions. His personality would appeal him to the other players as he seems trustworthy. I think he'd prob make it mid-late comp but would fall victim to house politics. Would always shout out his friends in the voting room. Fans would say shit like "Alex should have won"

Yassen: If he wasn't putting on a front, he probably wouldn't be very popular with the audience. The house guests would be iffy on him, but if he wanted to, he would be able to manipulate them into liking him/not voting him out. I could see him performing equally in the competitions,,, idk. the thing about Yassen is if he would even *want* to be there. I don't see him winning bc he'd let himself get voted out or something, bc we all know if he wanted to win, he prob would. Anyway, he'd likely get Head of Household at some point and people would be *pissed*.

Tom: He'd also be liked by the audience, and while I can see him getting far bc of likeability and athleticism, he wouldn't win. He'd be funny to witness doing the competition loss punishments and would likely have a short relationship with another house guest. He'd be on the chopping block like every other week and then be saved w the power of veto or smth. He'd be like that one guy a couple of seasons ago who made friendship braclets for his alliance members lmao.

John: He'd win.

Ian: Looks really promising, but gets kicked out too early for anyone to really tell (I'm sorry lmao). Good at the more logical side of the games, likely always between different alliances and getting through by the skin of his teeth.

Jack: Could not fathom how she would do. I don't think she'd win, prob mid game. I can see her always gossiping about other people, and there are lots of scenes where it's her whispering so you have to read the subtitles they put on the screen. She'd be in a secret inner circle but then some drama would happen and it would be disbanded.

Sabina: I see her making it to the last five or even winning. People would like to see her, and she'd probably make HOH a few times. She would be head of an alliance with a secret alliance in the middle of it.

These were the only ones I really thought about and I'm not very good at analyzing characters so like, do with this what you will.

#alex rider #yes i am autistic why do you ask

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 1 year ago

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AITA, (or, was I) for only taking one cat with me?

will explain the title as i go. also, this is about something that happened like a year ago but it still weights on my mind. backstory-ish first, so sorry for the length of the text.

I (20+) moved out a little more than a year ago to my first own apartment. My siblings moved out before i did, so now my moms living with only her boyfriend and the remaining cats. We had four cats before i moved out, all of which are allowed to go outside (i know, outdoor cats, they have been all my life and i didnt realize the danger they were in & being for the local environment when i was a kid). My new apartment is on the second floor. When i moved out, i decided to take one cat with me, because he really kind of imprinted on me since he was a baby and would constantly follow me around. And while i didnt like the thought of forcing an in&outdoor cat to suddenly only be indoors in a smaller space than our house was, i figured it would be fine if its him.

one of our other cats, which we got a few years after we got the cat i took with me, also really liked to spend time in my room and with cat 1. We got cat 2 from the animal shelter after his previous owner, an old lady, got dementia and had to give him away.

my mom and her boyfriend suggested i take both cats with me and not just one. i didnt want to for a few reasons:

(1. i wasnt sure how much cat 2 would like suddenly being an indoor cat in a smaller space bc he spent like 50% of his time outside and the other 50 in my room, 2. i wasnt sure if the apartment would be big enough for two cats 3. i wasnt sure how hed adjust to yet another new living place, because he took some time adjusting when we got him from the shelter and would meow/yell a lot when no one was with him until he got used to his new home. when i moved out i was about to start a new job training-ish thing which required me to not be home for some hours 5 days a week so the cats would be on their own a lot. and reason 4., which is were i felt kinda selfish: cat 1 is a shorthair cat and cat 2 a maine coon so all my clothes and stuff would be full of hair all the time, even when we tried to prevent it. i didnt really care as a child growing up bc we had a lot of long hair cats but i was kinda thinking that a new space with less cat hairs on everything would also be kinda nice)

i only told my mom and her bf reason 1, 2 & 3 bc i felt like a dick for reason 4. i love all of our cats a lot and leaving any of them at my moms place was really difficult because i was just so used of them always being there all my life. my mom told me after i moved out that cat 2 was still around my old room a lot and started spending even more time outside bc me and cat 1 weren't there anymore. and while hed start purring and cuddling when they pet him outside, he wouldnt spend time with them on their laps or on the couch a lot bc hed just get up and go somewhere else a lot of times.

thats kind of the backstory for this.

now for the (additional) reason i feel like i could be the asshole: my mom and her bf started going on trips a lot like 2-3 years ago, and he only moved in once i had moved out. so whenever they were on trips or she was visiting him, id take care of the cats and cuddle and play with them. once i moved out, they redid parts of the house (kitchen & bath) and got a lot of furniture from her bfs home. her bf likes the cats too, but he doesnt want them to be inside the house that much when they arent there bc he thinks they shed hair everywhere and could damage his furniture or something? so when they went on their next few trips, the 3 remaining cats would mostly be outside with access to a kind of sunroom? attached to the house. and either my grandparents or a friend of my mom would come and feed the cats every day.

me and my siblings didnt really like them suddenly having to be outside so much when it was normal for them to be inside the house even when we weren't home for all of our lives before that and told our mom too (by now she has seen our point and convinced her bf to let them be inside more so its getting better over time. but i wish we would have gotten our point across sooner.)

during one of their trips near christmas last year, when one of her friends was taking care of the cats, cat 2, the maine coon, disappeared. we dont know if he ran away or someone took him because his fur is so pretty or if he got into an accident. my whole family was really sad about him being gone and kept hoping hed come back and asked around irl and online if anyone had seen him. to this day, he hasnt been found. and i know that thats a (unnecessary) risk you take with outdoor cats. and that it was my moms and her bfs decision to keep the cats mostly outside and go on 1-3 week-long trips. but i still blame myself for not just taking him with me to my new apartment. looking back on it, all the reasons i had dont seem to have any weight at all and if i had taken him with me, hed still be around and id know hes healthy and doing good. and he wouldnt have been separated from me and his cat buddy.

so, was i the asshole for not just taking him with me to my new place when i moved out?

pet tax (in order):

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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goth-oatmilk-latte · 10 months ago

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this is gonna be a long rant but it's bothered me for a while

(non-ed related)

and any thoughts are welcome but it's mostly a rant

so basically i dont have a lot of girlfriends. i never have, all the ones i got close to generally either betrayed me in the worst ways or we moved and lost touch. (betrayal backstories is a whole other rant, but it's nauseating the way ive been treated by women who claimed to love me) so most of my friends are dudes, in fact, both of my true besties are.

anyway, i have really one solid girlfriend and shes a good bit younger than me. she also dont have a lot of friends in general, she has me and a small handful of others. she regards me as her bestie, i kind of guess shes mine but like...idk. i view her more like a younger sister, i guess.

so basically, she copies EVERYTHING i fucking do, within her means. like, before her and i were close, she just dressed pretty normal, no notable flavor or style. but now shes trying so hard to be goth bc i am. she cut her hair how mine used to be, dyed it black bc mine is, got all of the same piercings as me, yall get it. i wish i was exaggerating but im really not. even her mom messaged me to tell me she bases her style off me and shes glad im not a "greasy goth" (lol??)

but it's infuriating. i know i didnt invent goth. im not the first to have the piercings, hair, outfits, and interests i do...but it's really annoying to have someone base their entire style and interests off of me bc i have worked hard to curate myself as a person. i work hard for my aesthetic, im pretty thoughtful in my planning for outfits, how i decorated my home, everything, but especially bc these are genuine interests ive had since i was a preteen...and it's just so irksome to have someone try to imitate it as closely as possible every single day without any real, concrete interest in any of it, outside of prob just tryna be relatable to me

and a few weeks ago we got on the topic of sexuality and how im pan and have had gfs etc now shes magically also bisexual. she told me she got "tricked" by a straight girl recently but caught an attitude with me bc i told her if there wasnt clear intentions by both parties, she wasnt tricked, bc there was no flirting/romantic intent and that being bi/pan talking to straight women (or even other bi/pan wonen) doesn't automatically garner a romantic response. she didnt like that and got really snappy with me, but im not wrong. she tried to say she thought she was going on a date, but she was literally going to another friend's house to watch rupaul, and the other girl was also coming over, she sent me screenshots of the convo and like.....yeah, no, 1000% on her for thinking anything of it. she just picked said girl bc she was friends with her other friend and I guess it was an easy shot, but she also overlooked homegirl having a whole man too so like????? bro hello.

and i dont necessarily wanna be super confrontational about the aesthetic thing bc that just feels so middle school drama sToP cOpYiNg Me energy but it grates my skin...especially too bc like she also gets a little grumpy when she asks where my clothes are from and a lot of places i shop dont carry her size (shes a 3X or a 4X; ive never really looked or cared to see who carries what size bc im an xs so why would i??) and thats somehow my fault bc she cant buy the same shit i wear...or she complains she cant afford the docs or demonias etc like i have and its like okay curate your own damn style that you can afford bc like???? im not your fucking barbie doll mannequin?????

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fifteensjukebox · 9 months ago

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tagged by @amidalleia tysm!!💖

last song: winning by emily haines & the soft skeleton has been in my head and i have whatever a photographic memory but for music is called so i think it counts. i was trying to figure out the change in timing starting about a minute into the song and my memory wasn't good enough to figure it out, and i think the last song i actually listened to was wet blanket by metric (emily's band) in the car yesterday. what can i say i love her! (the update is that I tossed this post into my drafts earlier and i have now actually listened to winning and almost figured out what she's doing but i'll have to discuss with my music theory-knowing brother)

favourite color: turquoise/mint/teal/sage/cool amethysty purples/the denim blue VW car colour (my beloved first car was a vw beetle we called lulu so that colour is now lulu blue in my house à la dodie yellow)

currently watching/reading:

rewatching btvs and angel mid s4/s1 respectively while showing it to my mom and brother for the first time! it's taking ages but we're having the best time

gilmore girls - (late mid s3) first watch w my parents! there's so much i know from here and so much i don't but i know i love jess

grey's anatomy - watched s1-17 with my family a few years ago (begrudgingly at first bc i so did not want to watch a medical show. and sooo long! but it really is that good (sometimes)) & have been watching weekly as it airs since, but we just caught up on the first bit of the current season yesterday bc i didn't realize it was back. and i love the new class of interns so much we are SO BACK

not dead yet - the only show i'm currently watching by myself week to week as it airs and of course my favorite character is the white man i hate it here... i do love the women too though!!

doctor who 12th doctor rewatch but i stopped like a month ago in the middle of the episode before the cybermen plot starts bc it's just going to break my heart to lose bill for a third time. but i miss them! missy most of all so i will get to it soon

i'm not really reading anything at the moment but i have a couple audiobooks on hold at the library (yeah this is jenny's answer exactly but it applies!)

relationship status: single and i don't go out enough so i doubt it'll change anytime soon

sweet/savory/spicy: i want to say sweet bc i loooove sugar but i add salt to everything lately, i even added it to a rice krispie square the other day, so....

current obsessions:

also still nancy drew forever and always, but honestly i don't have a fandom hyperfixation atm! it's all about furniture shopping.... i'm looking for a small chair/stool for my bedroom desk, and a bigger table to go with my living room big chair so i can have my laptop/food/whatever else i want bc i seem to spend most of my time here

and emily haines/metric music (lately i haven't been listening to much me after 2007, but i love the more recent stuff just as much!

last thing you googled: something about the st vincent rock&roll hall of fame exhibit bc i'd seen a clip about it on someones story but i couldn't find the full video (still haven't)

no-pressure tags: @redheadedbrunette @apolloamy @godofsmallthings @jemhowling @acafemmeic @electrictouchfeaturingfalloutboy @coldnightairinmylungs & anyone else who wants to! i love these sm

#goodnight babes i NEEEED this sleep tn i been strugglin #vie #qs #recipes #(rec from bethany in the tags)

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bandedbulbussnarfblat · 4 months ago

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I had a rough week last week. Tuesday my dog gets sick, so I look up her symptoms. And bc I'm a crazy person, my mind automatically latched onto the worst possibility. So I spent three hours crying hysterically and having panic attacks bc I was so scared she would die. Then Wednesday I had to take my dog to vet and was still super stressed out. Thursday and Friday I have to deal with medicaid and disability paperwork. Saturday I had a panic attack so bad that I couldn't stop it and had to text my brother to come help me (he lives with me. we're too poor to live without a roommate, and we've basically lived together our whole lives, so it was whatever). Sunday morning I have a panic attack and can't leave my house to play my weekly dnd game bc the thought of spending hours with other people away from home was...bad. Sunday night, I got completely (and irrationally) terrified of being alone. I was so afraid that I called my mom, and of course she offers to come over. And I'm freaking out so bad I let her, even though it was late and I know she has to get up early for work. (She only stayed until my brother got back around 10:30)

BUT, today is a new day. I managed to get my blood work done today, and talk on the phone to my case worker, and pick up a pair of contacts from my eye doctor to wear until my order comes in. And I didn't have a panic attack. I mean, I still had to have my dad take me, bc leaving home alone isn't something I can do right now. (Mentally or physically. My brother's car broke down, and since he's the one who has a job, he's been using mine. i stg it's like a fucking family curse; every time someone is already in a financial bind, their car will break down.)

So I have decided to take the next few days to just relax. My two besties that I've been friends with since middle school both have kids with autism and they said I'm probably going through autistic burn-out. I'm pretty sure I'm autistic and my doctor thinks I'm somewhere on the spectrum, though on the lower support side. I'm gonna play bg3, and unwind. And try to work on some fic. (bc I have the next chapter of 16 Days damn near finished, and it's the last chapter that ties up the current plot, then there's an epilogue that takes place later that played out like a movie in my head, so writing it will be a breeze.)

Side note, did y'all know that some school systems still use 'high/low functioning'. I've had to say to my coworkers that autistic people would prefer not to use those terms. But it isn't surprising; one of my cousin's kids was literally diagnosed with Asperger's. Which has fallen under the autism spectrum disorder since like, forever ago. And also there was a TA in the autism classroom I worked in once who literally told me that autism was caused by demonic possession. I'm so glad I left the school system. Bc I eventually was going to fucking explode with rage after the way my kids were treated. (My students, not my actual kids. I don't have or want any)

Working in EC has really shown me how little the school system actually cares about helping the disabled; they will cut corners and do shit that 'technically' meets a kid's IEP, but doesn't do a damn thing to help them. And if you say something like, 'i don't think that counts' your coworkers will not be happy. But to a certain degree you can't be too mad, bc there is literally not enough time or resources to meet every child's needs, bc they cram as many kids in one EC classroom as possible, hire the minimum amount of TAs required by law and expect one teacher to be able to magically meet all their needs. My last job had 3 kids in wheelchairs in those tiny ass mobile units schools started using, that literally did not have room to move around, unless the other students stood up to let them get by, and sometimes even move their desk. We had multiple kids with autism. One of them stimmed by screaming, another was triggered by loud noises.

This post kinda went off on a tangent. Anyway, heads up to any parents who have kids starting school, make sure you get a copy of your child's IEP. If you think they aren't being serviced, contact your local Board of Education, and tell them that you have a child with an IEP who isn't receiving adequate services. Then threaten to sue them if they don't start providing your kid their services. It does not matter if you can actually afford to sue them or not, an IEP is a legally binding document. You have the right to sue, and most of the time the threat alone is enough to kick their ass into gear.

#long post #rambling

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crownconstellation · 6 months ago

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can i complain on my own blog for a sec. so i started a remote job a few weeks ago, right. generally i enjoy it.

however, my family (specifically my mom) does not respect my job as a fulltime job and it’s deeply frustrating. my mom keeps calling me away from work to do things for her day after day, & today i’ve barely gotten any work done because of this and because of another unrelated distraction. but mostly this tbh that one just made me need to step away from my desk for a few minutes. i have calls i’m supposed to be making that i wasn’t able to make today because she was continuously calling me downstairs to assist her + at one point she came upstairs to do something — which she also called me away from work to assist with — and was very loud about it for quite a while, and thus i have customers who have to wait until morning for a response i was hoping to give them today.

i complained to her about it earlier and her response was “oh but your job offers more leniency than mine does 🥺” like yes it does! my general schedule and pace are quite relaxed due to the nature of my job. which is great! but stop taking advantage of it bc i’m still trying to WORK!!!

she also got very mad at me last week for describing myself as the busiest member of the household because i have a fulltime job + handle all the cooking in the house + contribute quite a bit to the housework. and was “um ackshully 🤓👆”ing me to argue that she does more. this was not an argument post. this is a basic statement bc i work fulltime & contribute around the house. she does not respect my job as a job the way she does not respect my time in general as MY TIME and it’s deeply frustrating.

#bri.txt #complaint over

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annieisyourfavourite · 1 year ago

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okay i finally have the time to write out an explanation of what all has been going on with me the last like, month - all the stuff i've been alluding to. this is gonna be real, real long, so story time is under the cut.

so some setup. i lived with my parents until just a few months ago. i moved out and now live with my oldest brother, sean, and his 2 (well, it's 1 now but at the time) dogs. at my parents' house, it is my mom and dad, my little brother luke, his fiancee, and my paternal grandmother who we call baba. my parents also have 4 dogs.

baba was living on her own in serbia, but she had a stroke in february, and since my dad is her only kid, we took her in. baba has a lot of needs, and so my brothers and i have been urging them to get her into a nursing home. but for some reason my parents aren't doing this, despite the fact that it would improve everyone's lives tenfold.

because see baba? has been abusive to my dad and to us for his whole life. she has some trauma-induced mental illnesses that she doesn't like to treat, which means she often isn't in the same reality as everyone else. i say this not to imply that mentally ill people are abusive. but rather her mental instability is a big factor in the way that she acts and treats people. and also, if she wasn't mentally ill, my father would probably never speak to her for all the abhorrent things she's done. he can already barely stand her, and his anger issues and trauma responses have become very intense since she's been around.

i also have been abused by baba, and so i have told my family i won't engage with her as much as possible. it was hard when i lived there. but since moving out, i've said i refuse to babysit her or be her caretaker, since i can also hardly be around her without losing my shit. i've told my parents this. when she starts ranting about her paranoid delusions, i can't handle it. if she starts getting upset, i can't handle it. i remember her locking us 4 small children under the age of 12 out of her house when she was watching us because she thought we were annoying. i feel very unsafe around her!!! very bad!!!!

so! the reason all this is relevant. is that my whole family, save myself and baba, just went on a vacation for 2 weeks to the british isles. we've known about this trip for a long time. and i set up with my oldest brother that i would watch the 2 dogs at our house while he was gone. my other brother matt, who would be joining them later, was to watch baba and the 4 dogs up there. except. i learned like 2 weeks before they left. that matt couldn't do the weekends and the end of the trip. so there were 8 days total out of 14 that he wasn't gonna be there (bc matt sucks but that's a different post). so my mother calls me. and says they need me to watch everyone during those times.

at first she had told me it was 1 weekend (like saturday and sunday) and that was it, and i agreed to it even though it sucked. but then after revealing how much it was, i started saying no, i can't do that, that's obviously too much. out of the 6 dogs, 2 of them are new puppies. and 1 of them was an old dog who was dying of cancer. the old dog also couldn't be in the same room as one of the other ones, because they'd try to kill each other.

so like. far too much for 1 person to try and take care of. i said no i won't, i can't. and my mom got so mad at me. i told her i can't psychologically handle being trapped in a house with baba for that long. she said "can't you just suck it up this one time?" i said that's not how abuse trauma works. she said "i can't believe you're trying to ruin our once in a lifetime vacation." i said i'm physically disabled and that is too much. too bad.

i kept trying to find some help. but the problem was, even if someone could watch some dogs, they couldn't do that AND watch baba. and vice versa if someone could watch baba. and i needed to be away from her. however the time for the trip came, and there was no one else to help. so my parents left! they said i don't care what you say annie, we need someone to take care of it, and if you don't, your dogs and grandmother will die without proper care.

so i did it!! because they knew i would do it if there was literally no one else. and i was begging them to try and help, try to understand the price this was going to take. my dad kinda did. but didn't do anything to help. my mom just thought it would be fine.

so for 2 weeks. i was in charge of old dying dog and puppy 24/7. and then sick baba and 4 other dogs for over half the time. on top of trying to do rehearsals for a show i'm currently in. and i couldn't handle it!! i suffered, hm. 10 mental breakdowns at least? so many dogs. so much chaos. so much cleaning up messes from the puppies because they're puppies.

i called my mom, having a breakdown, the first weekend because i was supposed to go to an event for my boyfriend's work, and baba was fighting me on the plan. it was a whole mess. i literally owe my life to kayla (@/modestclam) because she came by on her 1 day off from her 2 jobs to help.

during this time, i also had a job interview in the city because i'm unemployed. and when there. my car got towed. i'm pretty sure incorrectly, i'm trying to contest the ticket. but i was stranded in the city, disabled and alone, and i had to spend over $300 just to get to the lot and get my car back, which i simply do not have. it took an extra 5 hours.

during the last weekend, i decided to keep the old dog chloe at my house, and my boyfriend came and watched her for the 5 days i was at the other house, because i was worried about moving her. my goal had been to just get her to the sunday when sean was getting back. she was clearly sick and i knew she didn't have long. but i was trying my best to just keep her going til then.

so i'm in the psychological torture zone up north. i had to drive back to my house at one point to help give chloe a bath, because she had intestinal issues and got stuff stuck to her backside, and my boyfriend was freaking out. and when i got back? the puppies. also had intestinal issues. all over the house. it took me 2 hours to clean, with baba obsessively following me the whole time. i have at least 1 breakdown every day. i have to miss a number of rehearsals either because i couldn't leave the dogs and baba alone, or because i was so dead tired i could barely move.

during this time. my mom also texts me. that my grandfather's partner had called and said he was in the hospital. he had a fall i believe? and so if anything happened, even though he lives a state away, i would have to be on call, since i was the only one in the country at that moment. because i guess she wants me to have a heart attack at age 25??

my little brother luke got back on tuesday evening, late. (he flew into an airport in canada and my mom wanted me to go drive the 2.5 hours there, pick him up, and drive back. i told her she must be on crack to think i would do that.) him and his fiancee weren't feeling well, but they took over main dog management. i went home to chloe.

the very next day. my parents and maternal grandma get home. grandma hadn't been feeling well, so she was gonna stay with my parents for a bit. except. the very morning after they got back. she tested positive for covid. and everyone in the house was sick.

my mom calls me asking me to take grandma to the doctor to get paxlovid (which i had taken and it helped me). everyone in the house is sick and they need my help. my oldest brother sean wasn't even back yet, he had an extra like 5 days, so i was still watching his dogs. i didn't even get 1 day after the 2 weeks from hell to rest. my grandma ended up going to the ER and getting put on oxygen. she was there 5 days and wasn't allowed visitors. i had to call around and get her affairs in order for her to stay there. the sick household includes: my mom who is 62, my dad who is 59 and has a genetic condition that gives him a weak heart, my little brother who ALSO has that heart condition and had heart surgery just this year, his fiancee who has autoimmune deficiencies, and my baba, who is t2 diabetic and in her 80s.

so i was stressed, to say the least. and during all THIS, chloe, the old dog, starts taking a turn for the worse. i'm doing everything i can to make her comfortable and keep her around, cleaning up her messes, hand feeding her dinner, whatever i can do. i go out to celebrate a friend's birthday saturday, and it's fun, but the whole time i'm stressed for what i'm gonna come home to. since sean was getting in sunday night. just 24 more hours.

when we got home, she greeted us happily. i got her to eat her dinner, drink water, take her pills, and even gave her belly rubs for a while. she was doing well. we all go to sleep.

and when my boyfriend and i wake up that sunday morning, the day sean was getting back. we found her unresponsive, having passed away in her sleep next to my bed. less than 24 hours before sean would have gotten to see her again.

to say i was devastated would be an understatement. i loved that dog so much. and i worked so hard to get her to the end of the trip. i used all my resources, i did everything i could. and she died in my room the same day my brother came back, before they could see each other. my heart? broken

luckily at this time i had family back, so my dad and luke came to put her in the box and deal with it, cuz i was well and truly at my limit. not a single day of rest in weeks. sean got home that night and the next day, we went up north at my parents house to bury her where we bury all our pets who have passed.

digging the grave was hard and miserable, because the spot we needed had a ton of roots in the way, and it was raining, and sean was limping bc of his bad foot, and everyone had covid, and it was just awful. i ended up doing a lot of work, even though i myself am physically disabled and very weak. my right arm and wrist still hurt real bad, and it's been 3 days since.

that night. THAT NIGHT!!!! THAT WE WERE BURYING HER!!! baba was delirious and coughing. she clearly had caught covid, as we knew she would. and covid really messes with her, especially her already frail mental faculties. she collapsed in the kitchen. so the following morning, my dad took her to the ER (after a lot of fighting from her). she was admitted to the hospital in poor condition. they think she has pneumonia. her bloodsugars have been bad for weeks, because we were waiting on an appointment with her doctor to up her meds. at the hospital they are giving her insulin (which she doesn't usually take?? irresponsible) but they can't get her bloodsugar down. which, when it comes to covid, isn't good. it's known that if you're diabetic, and you're admitted to the hospital with covid, and your bloodsugar is high? it's essentially a death sentence. your chance of mortality increases tenfold.

so i had to miss rehearsal again (this is where that post about my director being a bitch comes in). the director has also been making my life a living hell for this, punishing me for having all this going on. my part is like 7 lines, and yet she still is in my face constantly.

:-) so that's where i'm at!!!! my september has been such a blur of mental and physical distress, i'm surprised i'm still breathing tbh. i have therapy twice a week, and when i emailed my therapist the dog + covid update, he responded "holy shit." we've been trying our best, but he's like "the goal is to stay alive, please just stay alive, don't try to aim any higher." i just. don't have anything else in me, you know? i already was gonna need like a week to recover from the vacation stuff. and now with this. it's just like. how much is a person expected to take, you know? how much can a body hold before it falls apart? i'm hoping soon, god, please soon, i'll be able to rest a bit. but man.

it's been a rough fucking month.

#mine #god bless u if u get to the end of this behemoth #this really is like if i had an actual Blog(tm)#yeah. life has been right miserable. and i don't know how i'm standing it!!!!!#it's bc my friends love me and my boyfriend loves me and I love me too #literally cartoonish levels of agony and tragedy over here #sorry this was so long #but u know #there just. is a lot to get through. if i wanna adequately explain what's going on and why my mental illness has been up to 10 lately

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