#also this game allows me to not play with any strategy whatsoever

[toshkakoshka]

i played just cause 3 after a lil while of not playing and i gotta say... rico rodriguez is so handshome..... he is also very funky i love him

[sheev66]

Tears of the Kingdom thoughts

Ok here’s one I’m just going to do off the top of my head. I don’t really have any thematic or narrative analysis of this game, so this is just going to be about gameplay. I’m just coming to the end of the game and I have found that my enjoyment has faded dramatically over time. Some of the biggest problems in my opinion are:

1. The combat doesn’t have enough depth or reward to justify itself as the game progresses. Both parry and flurry rush are too powerful, making waiting and counterplay too productive. Similarly, the slo-mo you get from firing your bow mid-air is way too strong. It makes gaining some vertical distance the top strategy in almost every scenario and trivializes actually getting good at shooting the bow. Furthermore, there’s way too much menu selection and grinding/farming required for encounters. At a certain point in the late game, I fought a white Lynel. I countered his first hit and then hit him a bunch of times with the Master Sword. The beast took almost no damage and the sword broke. It was that moment that killed my desire to fight any tough enemies ever again. When I look to combat in previous Zelda games, like Skyward Sword or Twilight Princess, I see a nice clean test of ability, where the enemy is tailored to the particular stage of the player’s skill and gear. It’s also nice to fight a group of enemies without having to pause the action and scroll though menus a bunch of times. I recognize that this particular problem with ToTK’s combat is due to the open-ended gameplay and progression, but it’s a downside nonetheless.

2. The physics systems and Zonai abilities are great fun to use, but the game does not demand you diversify your tactics and solutions. The fan is the biggest culprit when it comes to optimizing exploration. Having access to convenient vertical movement allows the player to just skip over many of the challenges and atmosphere of traversing Hyrule. Because the fan is so good, even other methods of vertical movement, like balloons, DIY bridges and catapults are made irrelevant.

3. Puzzles can be solved creatively but very rarely do they require creativity, or test the player much at all. Completing shrines was an enjoyable experience for me but the vast majority felt like they ended before the truly got started. A fair few were so simple that they basically just introduced the player to a concept and made them execute it, no twist on the formula whatsoever. Dungeons too are pretty rough in this regard. They’re not so much one big puzzle space as just a compilation of a couple of shrine concepts bundled together. It was a disappointment considering how the “return” of dungeons were hyped up before the games release.

I have plenty of other gripes but I think I will leave it with these issues. The millions of people who have played this games have demonstrated all these fantastic and inventive methods of traversal, combat and puzzle solving. The problem is that these solutions never produce an advantage in time saved, effectiveness or reward. It’s always more productive to just exploit the games systems in a safe, predictable way. I understand for some people, going out of the way to be creative is a reward in itself. For me though, I need more than just creativity to be possible; I need it to be a necessity. For most of the game, it just isn’t.

A lot of these shortcoming stem from the fact that ToTK is an open game which prizes freedom above all else. The game isn’t uneven or poorly conceived; it’s that certain elements of the design are in contradiction to others. To me that’s fascinating, since it leaves no easy answers for fixes. I can think of plenty for issues like the bow bullet time, for example, but how can one gradually intensify and elaborate on puzzles or combat when the player can approach them in any order? Or just skip some entirely? I’m not sure. It’s clear to me that open world design is here to stay for Zelda, and I think that’s for the best. ToTK is still overall a good game and roaming around Hyrule is a massive highlight. I just hope the developers have a hard look at what can be improved and don’t get distracted by the massively positive reaction to the last two games. If there’s any team that can do that, it’s the Zelda team.

[inventors-fair]

The Long and Short of It - Runners-up of Unusual Size

And now, a silently deafening congratulations to our runners-up for this week: @azathoth-the-bored, @helloijustreadyourpost, and @pocketvikings!

Scuttling Companion - @azathoth-the-bored

ATTACK CRAB! Yes! Excellent! I must compliment you for finding a vector for constructing a Combat Crab that does not in any way involve a knife. That would be my, and I think many other peoples’ go-to strategy for Violent Crustacean Construction, and yet you’ve deftly defied that idea and instead dipped your magnificent claws into the realms of wizardry. Fantastic. So lets talk about this wizard crab. It seems... Real goshdarn powerful. Like, “You probably need to tone this down a bit, honestly” powerful. Might want an extra mana or a lower power somewhere in there. Definitely feels like an uncommon if nothing else. As much as I would love to have a board full of these beaters in limited and just spend my time drawing cards on my opponent’s turn, preventing them from ever attacking or blocking my tide of terror, I somehow doubt anyone playing against me would feel the same way, so thus I must advocate for rarer Crab Familiars. Lovely work regardless, though.

Goblin Pretenders - @helloijustreadyourpost

Your skill for consistently coming up with cards that so succinctly yet elegantly yet novelly yet understandably fit these prompts cannot be overstated, and I feel I need to commend you for that before I begin talking about your submission, which has, in five words of rules text, conveyed that it is very much just Three Goblins in a Trenchcoat. Yes, I know you changed the name from that. No, I will not forgive you. Regardless, the trenchcoat flavor (ew) remains, and words cannot adequately summarize how fundamentally Goblin-like this method of constructing a Tall Goblin is. I can just imagine the thought process here: “I want to make an Unusually Large Goblin, how do I do that? What if they all hid in the same jacket?” and that’s it, that’s the card. It makes perfect sense, it brings warmth and joy to even the most frozen and dejected of souls, what’s not to love? Aside maybe from the repercussions of allowing a Goblin deck to potentially assemble an evasive hasty 6/6 on turn three. That seems possibly dangerous, and is probably the main reason this isn’t a winner in title (aside, of course, from this contest being extraordinarily difficult to judge, just as every contest is). But it very much is a winner in my heart. And also a runner-up. It very much is that, too.

Bamboo Trap - @pocketvikings

I’m not going to lie, I did kind of write this one off a bit at first, but, though it is very simple technology, it very much does the trick.  Flash is a very clever way of making a Plant/Wall with great power that's still an effective blocker, and the flavor is very well executed. Though I do have one, tiny, tiny concern: I’m not sure this card is green. Like, I know the card you submitted is green. But functionally, this is just about half an Impeccable Timing. I know green gets plenty of flash creatures, but is a Wall a creature, really? In set design terms, defenders are generally not counted as creatures, as they are incapable of performing the main action which moves the game forward. I'm just not confident green is allowed to remove creatures like this. This same card, but white? Black, even, maybe? Absolutely, 0 concerns whatsoever, you're golden. But the green mana gives me pause. It is, of course, incredibly minor pause on a perfectly lovely card, but that pause is still there, and I felt it was worth at least bringing up.

And those are our runners for this week. Full commentary, and I swear this on the soul of my father Domingo Montoya, will be forthcoming. Yes, all of it. I mean those ones, too. I do also have finals this week, though, so your consideration at this time would be greatly appreciated. Regardless, thank you all for participating, this contest was a delight to watch unfold. See y’all in a year! Less time than that if you’re counting the general commentary, but, yknow. Can’t pass up that goof.

- @starch255 

[wheredemdokis]

[tastebreaker review] Law School (no spoilers)

Sometimes, I wish I could have a shrine for all the cerebral media that I consumed, because it definitely is my favourite archetype. Death Note was a masterpiece that I hungrily binged in one day - similarly with Psycho Pass (though I haven't watched the second season due to most of the reviews I have read). This extend well into non-anime media for me - State of Play (with Russell Crowe, Ben Affleck and Rachel McAdams) remains one of my favourite movies, Inception and, well, honestly anything by Christopher Nolan, and I have recently began watching The Matrix as well.

And so, the thirst for real mystery and brain games was quenched when I started watching Law School, with Kim Myung-min, Kim Beom and Ryu Hye-young, directed by Kim Suk-yoon. Needless to say, throughout the whole trip, I was hooked, counting down days until the next episode came... but towards the end - an unpopular opinion - I was actually quite disappointed.

And so, before you start your cross-examination, allow me to present my findings first.

- How did I start watching this?

My friend and I were looking around for something to binge on Netflix and forget about COVID-19. This series popped up, and the moment I read the title, my sapiosexual senses were tingled.

- And how was it?

Very good!... until the ending came. ;w;

- Genres & overarching themes?

Genres: Mystery, Thriller, Psychological

Overarching themes: murder mystery, law vs justice, intelligence (as in, the characters are all really smart hahah)

- Plot: 4/5

It could have been a high four, near five if it wasn't for the ending, frankly. The first episode started out with Professor Seo Byung-ju of Hankuk Law School dead, and the spotlight shines on Professor Yang Jong-hoon (the man in the poster above), the first suspect. But was it really him? From then, the mystery unfolds as our favourite study group (who shall be very well elaborated on later in this review) launches itself into investigation for true justice.

The series started out extremely strong in my opinion, with its first few episodes filled with twists and sub-plots that were waiting to get wrapped up. Every episode just leaves you gripping on the sides of your seat in suspense. It really makes you doubt every single person that appeared on-screen and watch out for anything that happens - the show uses the Chekhov's Gun trope really well. As the knots become unravelled, we gain more depth into the characters. However, as we near the end - about two-three episodes for me - the show started to lose its thrust, falling into a comfortable stereotype that made things rather frustrating.

One of the major advantages of Law School, in my opinion, is its ability to twist and turn everything. It prompts the viewers to realize that when the case is really examined in a whole different angle, with more and more evidence coming to light, everything changes. The use of different suspects' stories being told in each episode is a pleasure to watch - the viewers feel like an omniscient judge, overseeing the motives and evidence to draw out a conclusion for themselves on who might be the murderer. The series prompts the viewers to think, which is a trend I really like. It's also interesting to question why characters do certain things they do. Professor Yang Jong-hoon (my favourite character!), for example, is a very... chaotic (haha) character, who keeps on surprising people with his actions - yet, his actions are all elaborate executions of his strategy, a whole plan that he has concocted which accounted for multiple steps ahead, thanks to his extremely sharp vision of what could happen. Thus, it is extremely satisfying when everything falls into place as Yangcrates (a nickname he earned due to his Socratic teaching) explains everything that led up to a particular tense moment where the truth was unveiled.

Yet... this very trope had its downfall near the end. The murderer was so heavily shadowed on in the beginning that the viewers would have expected the murderer to be someone else completely unexpected, a mastermind that pulled the strings behind all the proceedings. Yet, the murderer and the mastermind behind the murder were someone so... I dare say, unimpressive. I mean, this particular 'mastermind' behind the murder fell into so many traps! The murderer was definitely my major disappointment - the villain was a weak character, an unsatisfying antagonist that the intelligent heroes, once having figured who he/she is, didn't even break a sweat to bring to light. The last, final twist that was supposed to be the most glamorous of them all, completely knocking the viewers off their feet, fell completely flat.

Secondly, whilst having a lot of sub-plots still remains a favourite trope of mine as I'd expect everything to wrap up nicely near the end... well, it didn't. Whilst most sub-plots were hastily answered, there was one particular sub-plot which was just left completely unaddressed (for those who have watched it, it's about J****s), and unless they're hinting at a second season where this would be further elaborated on, this was a dead-end sub-plot, a plot with no elaboration or continuation whatsoever.

Overall, the plot was breathtaking in the beginning. It lost momentum very near the end, and wrapped everything up with an anticlimactic last episode.

- Characters: 4.7/5

Definitely the strongest set of characters I've seen in a Korean drama, frankly. All characters were so well utilised, each having their own quirks and flaws which were delightful to watch. Everyone was so, so intelligent, that they honestly were the main fuel to the series, our main stars.

Allow me to first start off with my favourite character, Professor Yang Jong-hoon. Stoic, yet with an extremely savage side that he does not hesitate to show to anyone of any ranks or social standings, Yangcrates carefully plots everything, always thinks, questions, and then thinks even more. Intelligence-wise, this man is most definitely the smartest on-screen persona I've seen in the Korean drama franchise - able to see miles ahead and figure out all the answers down to their root, he is someone that definitely earns all the respect he has, from both his students and viewers alike. Personality-wise, this man is equally interesting as he is smart. With a cold exterior, Yangcrates does not take any bullshit (cue a particularly funny water spitting scene), and does not hold back harsh words to point it out. Yet, underneath this cold exterior is a burning desire to find the absolute truth, which would in turn bring justice to ones who have been wronged (refer to a particular lecture-like speech he made in episode 10), and a passion for teaching his students. He secretly cares for his students a lot, and expresses it in his own way.

Next, our favourite study group - a group of capable, enticing individuals. Firstly, we have Han Joon-hwi, a complex character that always pursues justice and fairness. His intelligence shines through with the way he, firstly, is able to take advantage of his sharp understanding of law into the case, and his careful processing of the evidence he gathers during investigation. Whilst he always keeps a cold head when needed, he has an equally warm heart, genuinely caring for wronged and innocent people. His expressions were all extremely raw and did not feel fake at all - really, props to his actor. More on this later.

Then, we have the two girls - Kang Sol A and Kang Sol B. Don't be fooled by their names - they are very much polar opposites. Whilst Kang Sol A is excitable and wears her heart on her sleeve (sometimes a bit too much), Kang Sol B always keeps a cool head, sometimes taking it to the extreme. I do admit that if I had to pick out of the two, though I love both of them very, very much, I'd probably lean a bit more towards Kang Sol A - even though she definitely gets on my nerves sometimes because of her overload of emotions that could be disruptive, she has her frequent bouts of creativity and "a-ha!" moments that display her underrated intelligence (I'm always soft for underdogs that are underestimated by everyone, only to turn the table on them later). She is also an extremely loyal friend and a very generous individual that isn't afraid to place herself in danger just to help others - overall, a very warm person. Kang Sol B, on the other hand - perhaps due to her family environment - does not really taking other people's emotions into consideration, though I really, really admire her for her intelligence, her ability to always keep a calm head (making her the blue counterpart to Kang Sol A's red), as well as her straightforwardness which has proven many times to be necessary to push the case forward. She does have a soft spot, though - a very adorable one at that. These two make an extremely adorable pair of friends.

My favourite student of the study group must be Seo Ji-ho. I'd say he's a less intimidating version of Kang Sol B hahah - cool and composed, Ji-ho is a reliable member who always pursues logic and reason first. He is also driven to achieve his goal and, like Joon-hwi, utilizes his deep understanding about law very well to solve his own case, his sub-plot. Though his sub-plot eventually was wrapped up as an open ending, it was a nice sub-plot to watch. Not to mention his dynamic with Joon-hwi is very adorable as well - the two really balance each other out.

Other students also have their own quirks and flaws, but for the sake of this review's length, I won't elaborate them as much - but I will say they are all a delight to watch, adding their own personal elements to the overall study group. I will definitely miss this set of characters so, so much. ;-;

- Acting: 4.4/5

Frankly, perhaps because of some K-drama series I have watched, I had a problem with acting in some K-drama series - the actors and actresses did not feel genuine, and they either overacted, pushing their expressions to the extreme, or underacted, simply being way too... stiff (some of my personal favourite actors and actresses so far are Kim Seon-ho, whose theatrical experiences probably really helped with his very natural acting, Jo Jung-seok, and Kim Hye-yoon, an actress who impressed me with both of her most popular series - hope to see her versatility shine through with more diverse roles though). This series, however, is a definite favourite of mine in terms of acting. Firstly, Kim Myung-min is a veteran actor that deserves so much respect - he basically morphed into Yangcrates. I absolutely loved the way he delivered his dialogues - very long ones! - without even so much as taking a breath in between - it was smooth and the flow was excellent.

Kim Beom also became one of my favourite actors after this series - the way he handled his role was so good, his expressions, actions, everything. I noticed that he's very good with his eyes, if that's the right way to put it - he is very good at displaying emotions with them, all emotions ranging from sadness to adoration (towards a particular someone *wink*). It's a top-notch skill, really, and I'm glad to have seen him on-screen. Similarly, Ryu Hye-young impressed me so, so much that I shall add her to my list of favourite actresses as well - I can't spoil, but she is really able at... altering her vibes, yes. She seems to have studied her character really carefully too, being able to bring all Sol A's quirks to real life. Other actors and actresses were amazing, but for me, these three definitely shone.

- Doki moments?

Ah. Definitely some between Sol A and Joon-hwi, as a lot of other people have commented. From the way they tease each other to the way he cares about her every little thing, the way he stares at her, the way his whole demeanor just changes around her and the way she unknowingly influences him so much - they do balance each other out really well, Joonhwi being the cool to Sol A's warm. I do find myself thinking Sol B and Ji-ho would be rather compatible as well (also, them being study rivals in high school? My rivals-to-lovers side is ready).

- Enjoyment: 4/5

Again, could have been higher if it wasn't for the ending! But yes, overall, a whole trip worth embarking on.

- Overall: 4.2/5

Really, could have been higher... but yes, still an excellent show. I just hope they could have had more episodes to really wrap everything up nicely and maybe throw us one final, absolutely ground-breaking twist.

- Watch it or neh?

Yes, please do watch it! And let me know how it goes, too. ;3

[hiccanna-tidbits]

Autistic Hiccup x ADHD Anna Headcanons

SO I’ve been really into the whole Autistic x ADHD ship dynamic and Hiccanna...highkey fits??? Like y’all know I will die on my “Anna has ADHD” hill, but after reading this post by @hobie-brown I’m like wait, the autistic Hiccup headcanon is wonderful too??? And blends SO WELL with ADHD Anna??? And I absolutely HAD to explore it more so BOOM headcanon time! Another special thanks to @hobie-brown for writing the super lovely autistic Hiccup headcanon masterpost that inspired me to do this!

Disclaimer: I myself am not on the spectrum (part of the reason I’ve always felt a little weird about definitively HCing characters as autistic unless I see actual autistic people HC them that way too), so most of the stuff here is stuff I know secondhand from my autistic friends! I do have ADHD, so I can always promise that ADHD Anna will be 100% authentic XD

~Anna absolutely gets into Hiccup’s special interests to try and impress him. The most obvious one being, of course, dragons, but also dinosaurs (extinct dragons), lizards (tiny dragons), and Dungeons and Dragons (An RPG game that does, in fact, include dragons). Hiccup absolutely had that dragonology book as a kid and got obsessed with it beyond all reasonability. Hilariously, Anna’s wooing strategy of indulging his special interests works like a charm--mainly because a) he’s pretty flattered that someone takes THAT much of an interest in what he likes and b) half the time, ANNA finds that she genuinely gets into whatever said special interest is and finds them easy to hyperfixate on. It helps that the more she obsesses over it herself, the more she has to talk to Hiccup about XD

~Specifically, Anna definitely joins a DnD campaign at some point so that Hiccup will think she’s a “cool gamer girl”--and then gets unironically obsessed with it and starts writing 10-page backstories for all of her characters. She later tells Hiccup it started out as a ruse to win his heart via nerdiness, and he absolutely loses his shit laughing.

~One of their overlapping special interests/hyperfixations is high fantasy. Hiccup is, unsurprisingly, all about the mythical creatures while Anna is more into the magic and the zesty political drama, but you dun best believe they catch every CGI-ridden fantasy movie that ever comes out. They’ve both spent a literal fortune on fantasy movie tickets, even moreso on watching them in 3D or Imax. How embarrassing for both of them.

~Another less-obvious overlapping interest is history. Hiccup gets into it while looking into the cultural mythos of dragons (he’s pretty fascinated by the fact that so many cultures around the world thought up similar creatures independently), while Anna gets into it because she grew up cooped up bored and lonely in a big house, and entertained herself by looking into the history behind some of the family paintings. They don’t seem it at first, but they’re actually both huge medieval and ancient civilization history buffs.

~Hiccup is THE most touch-repulsed person you will ever meet. This is unfortunate, as he is also SUPER touch-starved and absolutely does not realize it (I mean, I’ve never gotten the vibe Stoic was the super huggy type, considering his and Hicc’s relationship in HTTYD 1). This means he has absolutely no fucking clue what to make of Anna when they first meet meet. Anna’s the sort of person to give physical affection pretty freely, especially if she likes you--usually in the form of hugs, arm pats or playful swats, putting her elbow on your shoulder, etc etc. Hiccup is kinda just like “this is way too much touching but like??? I kinda like having her this close to me??? What do???”

~Anna, meanwhile, notices that Hiccup kinda stiffens up whenever she touches him and seems to not be crazy about it and she’s just immediately like “yo what’s wrong???” And as SOON as he admits he’s not all that crazy about being touched randomly she’s like “OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY” and never touches him without asking again.

~As soon as she finds out touch a kind of A Whole Thing for him, Anna is like...AGGRESSIVELY respectful of Hiccup’s boundaries when it comes to physical affection. Almost annoyingly so. She gets in the habit of basically never initiating any kind of physical touch without asking first--even long after they’ve started dating, and he’s told her it’s okay to initiate touching as long as she’s not smothery about it. She still refuses out of principle.

~They come up with a kind of “consent language” so Anna can pretty quickly determine when it’s all right to touch Hiccup--because Anna still really likes being physically affectionate with him, and he does actually like receiving physical affection a lot of the time (because, again, touch-starved), he’s just choosy about who does it. They work out a system based off of small, light touches that Hiccup doesn’t mind where it’s basically 2 taps on his shoulder for “can I hug you around the neck,” 2 taps on his side for “can I hug you around the waist,” 2 taps on his arm for “can I grab/lightly slap/punch your arm,” and 1 tap on is shoulder for “can I put my arm/elbow on your shoulder.” If he’s cool with it he’ll either nod or just say “yeah go ahead.” It works a lot quicker than asking “can I do such-and-such specific touch” every single time, and allows Anna to keep some of her spontaneity. They develop this during their friendship and it ends up rolling over into their relationship, even after Hiccup has basically told her she doesn’t need to ask permission for a lot of these anymore. She adds a new one after they start dating--she taps him a couple times wherever she wants to kiss him to ask if it’s cool to give him a smooch! It usually is.

~INFODUMPING. Literally SO. MUCH. INFODUMPING. Hiccup absolutely WILL NOT SHUT UP when he gets to talking about one of his special interests. Anna just will not shut up in general, but when the topic changes to one of her hyperfixations, it’s even worse. If you try to have a conversation with these two while they’re infodumping, you WILL get talked over. Honestly, left to their own devices, they could probably infodump to each other for literal days on end.

~Despite how much they both like to infodump, they’re both pretty good about being patient and indulging the other when it’s their partner’s turn to infodump in the conversation XD They are, however, notorious about accidentally triggering a barely-related infodump in the other person. It’s not uncommon for one of them to finish a rant and then the other goes “OH THAT REMINDS ME” and sets off on a completely different, barely-related rant.

~Hiccup actually really appreciates how overexpressive--and occasionally overdramatic--Anna tends to be. He never has to try and figure out what she’s thinking because she just says everything in her brain, and her body language basically always matches how she’s feeling to a ridiculous extent, so he never has to give himself a headache trying to read her. The fact that she’s the opposite of subtle and has no filter whatsoever works great for him, because he doesn’t have to drive himself insane trying to understand her. He gets her better than he gets most people because she’s an open goddamn book. The boy’s never been the best with social cues at all, never mind the nuanced, obscure ones, so Anna’s general straightforwardness and utter inability to hide her true feelings at literally any time is a breath of fresh air. What you see is basically what you get, and Hiccup wouldn’t have it any other way.

~People think when Anna and Hiccup start dating it’s gonna be a disaster, mainly because he’s so blunt and she can be...”oversensitive” (i.e. has a REALLY bad case of RSD). Turns out they’re dead wrong--because Hiccup has RSD too! (I mean, come ON--look how BADLY he wants to get his village’s approval! And how hard he takes it when his dad or someone else is mad at him--even if he tries to hide it with snark) He’s actually one of the few people who can be blunt enough with Anna that she realizes when she’s being a dumbass but tactful enough not to hurt her feelings or set off her RSD--because god, has he been there. When Anna is being especially difficult and has worked herself into a real bad funk, Hiccup (and sometimes Elsa) is the only people who can talk to her and get through to her without getting blown up at.

~They stim in similar ways!!! They both tend to fidget or kinda bounce up in down in place as a way to comfort themselves and calm themselves down (I see them both having a lot of anxiety and generally being kind of paranoid, although Anna is MUCH better at hiding this via putting on a cheerful face). They both do the leg bounce!!! Also if they get SUPER excited they’ll do a little awkward happy dance!!! They both also tend to stim by rubbing things in small, repetitive motions--with Hiccup, it’s usually his sketching pens, his ear, his head, or the back of his neck, while with Anna, it’s usually her other hand, her arm, her clothes, or really anything with kind of a comforting, consistent texture (some favorites are rubber, felt, and velvet). After they start dating, they actually will stim with each other’s hands while holding hands--usually by squeezing the other person’s hand in kind of a repetitive pattern or doing the thumb-rub thing on the back of the other person’s hand. It’s not uncommon for them to each be doing something completely unrelated while holding hands and just stimming on each other’s hands the entire time. Anna especially really loves when she feels Hiccup stimming on her, because it’s her little indicator that he’s happy and feels at peace and content in her presence and she LOVES being able to do that for him!

~They both stim by playing with hair too! Anna likes to play with her own to stim--mainly by figeting with the end of her braids or tucking hair behind her ear. She DOES love to ruffle Hiccup’s hair too (and she LOVES how fluffy it is!), but it’s usually not a stim thing. After they start dating, Anna does occasionally stim by massaging Hiccup’s hair/scalp, but she doesn’t usually do it for very long. Hiccup really loves braiding Anna’s hair, or just playing with it when it’s down. it helps him relax and clear his mind to have something fairly repetitive and/or mindless to do.

~Even after gaining some confidence, Hiccup still has a fair bit of social anxiety, so he and Anna basically always go to parties and social events together and stick with each other the whole time to make it less intimidating for him. Hiccup generally prefers to let Anna do the talking when they chat with people, and sometimes if he’s REALLY nervous he’ll sometimes even let her kinda talk for him (not in a condescending “speaking over” kinda way, but more in like a “I can sense you’re not comfortable speaking here so I’ll help you out as best I can” kinda way). She always makes sure to leave space in the conversation for him to take over talking if he wants. She’s also incredibly prone to bragging about his accomplishments to basically everyone they know. Hiccup is both embarrassed and flattered by this.

~When Anna finds out about meltdowns (probably through Hiccup mentioning it kind of offhandedly--“Eh, sorry I went AWOL last night, I was having a bit of a meltdown. Don’t worry about it, I’m fine now.”) she lowkey gets super anxious and frustrated because she REALLY wants to help, but has no idea how. Cue literal HOURS of research on the internet and AGGRESSIVE memorizing of any and all tips that she reads that she thinks would help. Which, of course, means several MORE hours spent going over flashcards like she’s studying for a goddamn test, because Anna has never been known for her sharp, expansive memory.

~The first time Hiccup ever has a meltdown in front of her (maybe after a really bad phone fight with his dad or something? Just general sensory overload?), she takes him to a secluded room and IMMEDIATELY gets rid of anything that could be agitating sensory-wise. She dims the lights! She closes the blinds! She throws a nearby clock, an alarm, a timer, and several other objects with only the slightest potential of making an annoying noise out of a nearby window in a fit of passion! She goes on a frenzied quest to find Hiccup’s noise-cancelling headphones--and finishes it in record time! Even in a state of emotional turmoil, Hiccup realizes that Anna’s being just a little too methodical in how she goes about all this--these are the kind of things that wouldn’t ever occur naturally to her to do. So as soon as he calms down a bit and has screamed into a pillow for a while, he’s like “...did you go on the internet to look up how to help with meltdowns?” and Anna’s like “...yes?” And Hiccup is lowkey so touched he starts crying all over again...and then, naturally, makes a long string of snarky comments to try and distract from it XD

~For their anniversary Anna saves up a bunch and buys Hiccup a lizard and a terrarium!!! She gets him a crocodile skink because, I quote, “Well, they always look annoyed, they’re kinda shy, they don’t like to be touched, and they look like tiny dragons, so they reminded me of you!!!” Hiccup screams like a goddamn fangirl, he’s SO excited. As luck would have it, Hiccup’s crocodile skink is a lot less skittish and prone to hiding than they usually are, and he actually lets Hiccup pick him up and pet him without much issue. Which is honestly great, because repeatedly touching something smooth and even like lizard scales helps calm Hiccup down when he’s agitated and helps with some of his sensory issues.

~Probably goes without saying, but Hiccup basically NEVER genuinely gives Anna a hard time about her memory problems or how she’s not always the quickest on the uptake, and if anyone tries to call her annoying, dumb, or immature he will absolutely roast them into oblivion. He does sometimes like...lightly tease her about jumping into things without thinking or never shutting up, but he never pushes it if he can tell she’s genuinely bothered by it (and, again, Anna is very easy to read, so it’s not hard to tell XD)

~I’ve seen other people in the fandom HC either Hiccup, Anna, or both of them as BOTH autistic and ADHD, and honestly...fuck yes!!! I’m down for this too! I love the idea of these two disaster ND kids just vibing with each other on so many damn levels that it’s like...incomprehensible to the average human XD Like man, they fuckin GET each other!!! I’m pretty happy with most combinations of ADHD + Autistic headcanons for Anna and Hiccup, so long as they end up vibing!!!

~THEY JUST. THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. SO MUCH. THEY LITERALLY WOULD DIE FOR EACH OTHER. I AM SURE OF IT. I’M CRYING. 

[wakaoujisenhime]

Hello! I really fall in love with your blog! Thank you very much for those Vorpal Swords headcanons! Can I ask headcanons about being Rakuzan manager? For example, how she cares about boys and they care about her; how Rakuzan protects her; How she supports them at games. And Akashi likes her. Good luck to your blog!

A/N: Hello there! I’m glad to know that you’re enjoying these, so I hope that this one will be to your liking as well! Also to those who don’t know what a ‘bokken’ is: it’s basically a wooden sword, Japanese swordswomen and men use for training! 

Tags: Akashi x reader ✅  Rakuzan x reader ✅  SFW ✅  fluff ✅  friendship ✅  

image/art source: Zerochan (art by Tousaku) [I sadly couldn't find the corresponding post where they uploaded it, since that artist seems to be inactive atm, but if you happen to stumble upon it, please make sure to tell me!]

━━━━☆ ━━━━☆ ━━━━☆

so first of all how did you even become Rakuzan’s manager?

well you were actually taking care of the team BEFORE Akashi joined the club

back then you guys were a wholesome team, but the moment the redhead was pronounced captain it all went downhill...

your former teammates began dropping out with the same complaints

“He’s too strict”, “I can’t train like this anymore”, “When he’s on the court, basketball loses its fun factor!”

even if you hated to admit it...they were right

Akashi was a REALLY strict leader who always wanted his team members to give it their all

100%? Not enough, make it a 110 and then you might be chosen as a substitute

during the first half of the school year, you put up with everything he threw at you, whether it were insults or commands

at one point you weren’t even the manager anymore but became his loyal puppy that did everything he instructed you to do

the things he requested weren’t even worthy to your title...unless you like standing in front of the gym door, acting like a bodyguard at the disco

and of course, even you had your limits

after Akashi had once again decided to give you an unreasonable task, you finally snapped

“I’ve had enough! Just who do you think you are, ordering me around as if I was your subordinate!”

“Listen. You either fix that emperor like attitude of yours, or you end up losing one of Japan’s strongest team...including me.”

in your state of anger, you had shoved the clipboard you were using against his chest and had stormed off the gym

a whole week had passed and you didn’t visit the club even once, that’s how pissed off you were

one day just when you thought about filling up a club withdrawal paper, there was a letter in your locker

...

Dear (Y/N)...I know that the way I’ve been acting up until now has upset you, but the reasoning behind my behavior is a simple one. All I desire is to see whom of these ‘star players’ everybody (including you) praises, can actually live up to their title. Sadly, I’ve come to the conclusion that none of them were able to, so I’ve decided to build up a new team in which you as well are going to be needed. I sincerely hope that you are willing to help the new Rakuzan basketball club reach even greater heights than ever before. Yours faithfully, Akashi Seijuro

P.S: We need you manager.

...

the first half of the letter had made your blood boil, but the further you read the more your curiosity got peaked

but you didn’t want to give in that easily, so you decided to visit the club one day to see what Akashi’s idea of an absolute basketball team looked like

...

...

“So (Y/N)..what do you think?“, Akashi asked after practice had ended

you had just looked at him with one of your ‘are you kidding me?’ faces and shook your head

these boys...

a) looked like full-fledged men to you

b) could easily snap you in half if they wanted to (especially Nebuya)

and finally

c) were probably all legendary NBA players in their past life

all in all they were amazing

watching them play gave you the impression of an actual and professional basketball game...that’s just how good they were

.

..

...

two months passed and you had taken the role of the manager once again

you hated to admit it, but Akashi was once again right..this team was absolutely amazing and worthy of any title you could think of

luckily these boys turned out to be more wholesome than you had ever anticipated

knowing that all of them had their struggles and own problems to deal with, despite their flawless appearance made you realize that that they were indeed your typical high school boys and not some basketball machines

sadly they couldn’t - or better said - weren’t allowed to show any weakness during training...these were Akashi’s orders

much to your surprise, they had accepted it with much less resistance than the members before them, but you were a little anxious that they might end up quitting the team so you took it upon yourself to prevent that scenario from arriving  

from that day forward you began spending more and more time with all the members (except Akashi) …

.

Reo:

as the vice-captain he was to ensure that everybody followed the training regimen they were given by the redhead (in case of his absence)

sadly due to his laid-back nature and feminine speech, almost no one took him seriously

that’s where you come in…

“Come on now guys! Listen to Reo or I’ll get the bokken! And if that doesn’t get you guys moving then I’m sure a short phone call with Akashi certainly will...”

the second line always worked and even managed to make Reo giggle

after that, he’d always thank you several times and while the others ran laps/were stretching the two of you would always talk about that day’s schedule

by the end of practice, Reo and you would actually go out and do some shopping while talking about different topics

and thanks to his talented eye for the beautiful, your wardrobe was full with clothes that complimented your figure just perfectly, which only boosted your ego      

a certain topic you guys started talking about only recently was romance

at first you were extremely careful to not touch upon any touchy subject since there were a lot of rumors amongst your classmates, concerning Reo’s sexual orientation

but the more you got to know him, the easier it was for you to talk to him and in no time the two of you had become best friends

whenever someone either came up to you or him and wanted to just mess around, the two of you got each other’s backs at all time and would either intervene directly or call for backup (mainly Nebuya)

thanks to Reo’s ‘big sister’ personality you luckily never felt alone or at a loss, since you knew that he’d always be there for you and help you out

Kotarou:

this boy seriously makes you run for your money

he’d always arrive almost half an hour earlier than the others just cause he wants to mess around with you (he’d for example take your clipboard and make you literally chase him for it)

at first it upset you quite a bit, but as time passed you eventually got used to it and evolved your strategy

you chase him?

hell NO

you’d instead sit down on one of the benches and wait for him to bring it back to you

your strategy for that was to remain silent and show no reaction whatsoever whenever he asked if you weren’t going to chase him like the ‘good old times’

he’d then get so worried that he’s upset you that he gives up, brings you your clipboard and starts either poking your cheeks, playing with your hair or straight out embrace you

the latter always broke your façade

his warm hugs accompanied by the glistening puppy eyes and his snaggletooth always made you pity him and wonder if you’ve perhaps gone too far

the moment you’d give in, his cheerful attitude was back in an instant

and that routine became pretty much a daily ritual between the two of you

what perhaps surprised you the most was when you actually witnessed Kotarou’s other side of his bubbly personality

he was surprisingly the ‘holding a grudge’ type (especially on the court)

Rakuzan had a practice match once and when a player of the opposing team made it past the blond boy seconds later he was fuming, glaring at everyone who even looked his way and screamed more as well as louder than usual

the others around you weren’t even faced by his sudden tantrum so it was up to you to calm him down before the referee gave him a yellow card

since then his mood-swings became your responsibility

outside of the gym, you guys spent a good amount of time together

you mostly helped him out with his homework since he really wasn’t the brightest out of the bunch (and as some of you might know in Japan your grades play a major role when you’re a part of a club. Depending on your test results you might get excluded from some of the activities as far as I know) and you weren’t going to leave on any activity without this ball of sunshine

to pay you back for your help he’d go skateboarding with you on the weekend

in case you forgot or couldn’t skate he’d help you remember or teach it to you

much to your surprise, he was quite a good teacher, so it was easy for you to understand the basics and even learn some of the simplest tricks on the way

but in case you were some kind of a pro (or simply good) at it, he’d challenge you to a small contest and by the end of it the two of you would actually come up with a small choreography

Nebuya:

to be frank, he intimidated the heck out of you (at first) and he was actually the most difficult for you to approach

the main reason for your reluctance was mainly because of his appearance, but just a day after you were first introduced to him made you change your mind

on your way to school you took the train and as commonly known the trains in Japan were the majority of the time extremely filled with people and some of them just couldn’t keep their hands by themselves and just had to go ahead and start feeling people up

in that case, the victim was unfortunately you  

the typical reaction of your other female classmates would’ve been to stand there and do nothing about it, but you were different

“Excuse me, but could you stop touching me?“, you asked in a loud voice making sure that at least some people witnessed what was happening

you couldn’t care less if you guys became the center of attention, all you wanted was to get this creep’s hands away from your body...and you did

what you didn’t know/notice was that Nebuya had actually seen all of it and wanted to come and help, but you were quicker

when you got out of the train he caught up to you and directly asked if you were ok

he even went ahead and bowed his head to you apologizing multiple times for not reacting quick enough

it surprised and scared you at the same time, but this was kind of a chance to finally talk to him, so you made sure to not let that opportunity slip away

and trust me when I say this, but this man turned out to be a bigger softie than you anticipated

since that day he became the person you’d call upon first in case of trouble you couldn’t solve on your own

Nebuya even volunteered to be your bodyguard, but you weren’t really a damsel in distress so you refused at first

and after many arguments, pouts and pleas you finally gave in and agreed to go to school together every day

additionally during training he’d make sure to be the first one to save you from any flying ball

much to his dismay, you managed to dodge or even to catch the majority of them which made his attempts completely futile

so in order for him to stop sulking about how he had ‘failed to show you his muscles in action’, you’d go out and help him with his workout

sometimes you’d even be his motivational right hand during his own eating contests

and when he decided to show his ‘manly’ side and either burps or lets out gas, your bokken was on him just some seconds later

Mayuzumi:

this boy seriously hated you in the beginning

in his eyes you were nothing but a loud girl who wanted some attention and tried to gain it by acting as the manager

much to his surprise you figured him out pretty quickly

you somehow knew when he became irritated on the court and immediately took action to prevent any outbursts from him or someone else

furthermore, you supported his hobby without asking questions and when he expressed the wish to go to the rooftop and read a chapter or maybe even two from his light novel, you’d just let him go

one afternoon he came to the gym to excuse himself from training and found only you and how you had fallen asleep on the referee table

his first thought was to leave before you even noticed that he’d been there, but then he saw a small notebook with the title ‘RAKUZAN BB CLUB’ so he got curious and started reading your handwritten entries about all of the members

each member had a few pages worth of information you had either gathered yourself or looked up

he found it a tad adorable that you reserved the last page for a personal comment on a player since it reminded him of how some of his authors wrote an afterword at the end of their story

as soon as he read his name though he suddenly became really reluctant to proceed

for some reason, he was afraid of what you might have written/researched about him

he started to read it anyways

“...”

“Has a low presence...well yeah I guess”

“...”

“Seems to be prouder than he lets on? W-Wha? That’s not even...true”  

“...”

“Probably swears at his teammates internally...how did she know?!”

“...”

“It would make me happy if we talked more to each other, but he probably hates me... ”  

Mayuzumi would’ve never told you, but that last line hurt him quite a bit

.

that day he decided to join practice and when you called for a timeout you’d always leave his towel and water bottle on the bench next to you and he’d normally just take it, but this time he murmured a barely audible ‘thank you’

you almost fainted then and there, but somehow managed to keep up your serious facial expression (which he very much appreciated)

the two of you would almost never go out/spend time together, but instead, you began exchanging small gestures like you buying him a new volume of his favorite author or him hiding a small ‘thank you’ note in your notebook

Akashi (finally):

since you and he know each other from way back, you didn’t have that much contact in the beginning since you wanted to take your time to get to know the new members, but Akashi’s eyes were always on you

if someone out of the other members even dared to ask him if he harbored feelings for you...then let us just pray that he doesn’t have Midorima’s scissors with him

but if one of his main players (most likely Kotarou) asked him about it, he’d just cut him off quickly and shut the conversation down

Rakuzan’s captain cares for you in his own kind of way

he’d support you from afar and make sure that no one who he doesn’t deem as worthy comes even remotely close to you

you weren’t aware, but since you had once again become the manager of the reformed Rakuzan you became quite popular

a lot of people admired you, some were even impressed or jealous and some even began having feelings for you

“I’m thinking about asking (Y/N) out...what do you think?”

as soon as Akashi heard your name in such a conversation he instantly made his move

don’t ask how he did it, but within a week you had gained the reputation of being ‘out of limits’ for everyone except for the club and your friends and just in case someone felt the need to be adventurous, there was no way they’d be let into the gym (thanks to Akashi’s orders and Nebuya’s muscular body)

.

the redhead had first noticed his feelings for you when you snapped at him back then

for him it was the first time someone even dared to speak up against him and even insult him

he was surprised and very annoyed at first, but as the days passed by him and his incomplete team he figured that it would be the best to start anew

so he scouted three of the uncrowned kings and a 3rd-year student who basically was a future version of Kuroko

when the stage was set all he needed was for the main star to appear, so he sent you that letter where he invited you to watch the new team

.

as far as the confession goes...

Akashi is a very strategic person, so he’d most likely wait for his promise to come true (the promise of Rakuzan reaching greater heights) and then confess saying something like:

“See? I’ve kept my promise...now it’s your turn.”      

[thebudgetgarden]

The Budget Garden 1: Maiden of Stand Peony (V-Premium)

Hello Cardfighters, I wanted to begin this budget deck series with a deck that is very near and dear to my heart, as it is a deck that is a part of my favorite clan, Neo Nectar, but that is also a deck that can be created with less than 20 euros, or even less depending on how cheap you can find the main boss units of this deck.  Maiden of Stand Peony is a deck that rewards aggressive plays and board advantage, and as such, even though it’s a very cheap deck, it’s a deck that can steal wins even from the strongest decks in the current meta landscape. 

We will begin by discussing the Grade 3 line-up, as well as what choices one can make to make their deck a tad bit more personalized.

This is our main boss unit, Maiden of Stand Peony, and she has the following skill: [AUTO](VC/RC):When placed, call up to one Plant token to (RC). If this unit is on (VC), call up to two Plant tokens instead of one. (Plant tokens are grade 0/[Power]5000/[Critical]1 and have boost) [AUTO](VC):When it attacks, COST [Counter Blast (1) & retire four rear-guards], call four plant tokens to your (RC), and if your opponent's vanguard is grade 3 or greater, this unit and all of your token units get [Power]+10000 until end of turn. Maiden of Stand Peony is a deck that produces board advantage through tokens, while also being a multi-attack engine that gives power to herself and all of her token friends while your opponent’s vanguard is grade 3 or greater. That restriction, however, doesn’t mean that she’s completely useless as a first ride, as putting a force 1 marker on your leftmost or rightmost R circle means that that particular column will hit for 20k, twice, in the worst case scenario.  Maiden of Stand Peony is the main moving piece of this deck, so playing 4 copies of her in your deck is paramount to your deck’s success. Right now, Maiden of Stand Peony will set you back at about 6 euros for a playset. Now, a cardfighter that is familiarized with Peony’s mechanics might choose to just play just 4 copies of her for the entire grade 3 line-up. However, other players might choose to run some back-up grade 3′s for extra power, so these next few choices are for them.

Maiden of Iceberg is a very cheap and strong back-up grade 3 unit, and she has the following skill: [AUTO](VC/RC):When placed, COST [Counter Blast (1) & Soul Blast (1)], call up to two plant tokens to (RC), and this unit gets [Power]+5000 until end of turn for each of your plant tokens. (Plant tokens are grade 0/[Power]5000/[Critical]1 and have boost) More tokens and more power, that is the name of the game in this deck, and Maiden of Iceberg is an excellent candidate for this deck. First and foremost, she is an amazing unit to use in conjunction with force 2, as she is always going to be getting at least 15k-20k power with her own skill, making her especially potent in matchups where getting your opponent’s damage count very high is vital to finish the game off.  Maiden of Iceberg is also exceedingly cheap, as she’s only gonna set you back 0.80 cents for an entire playset.  These 2 grade 3 units might be enough for most cardfighters to build a solid base for the grade 3 line-up, however I’m going to mention a few more cheap options for the players that wanna go a bit beyond. While these options are a great addition to the deck, they usually fall under the category of tech choices, rather than staple cards that you need to play.  The 2 grade 3 units in this category are the following: 

Maiden of the Trailing rose, who has the following effect:  [AUTO](VC/RC):When placed, call up to one plant token to (RC). If this unit is on (VC), call up to two plant tokens instead of one. (Plant tokens are grade 0/[Power]5000/[Critical]1 and have boost) [ACT](VC)1/Turn:COST [Soul Blast (1)], and three of your plant tokens get [Power]+5000 until end of turn.

And last but certainly not least, Maiden of Protea, who has this very unique following effect:

[ACT](RC):COST [Retire this unit], and

call

up to three plant tokens to (RC).

(Plant tokens are grade 0/[Power]5000/[Critical]1 and have boost)

Maiden of Trailing Rose is the first of the Neo Nectar clan, and it shows. Not only is she a powerful Vanguard unit that generates tokens on both the v and the r circles, but her secondary skill allows her to power-up three of your plant tokens, adding a very nice 15k of total power to your board for a single soul blast. 

Maiden of Trailing Rose is an excellent addition for the Cardfighters that feel like they want another boss unit in their deck. If that is the case, Maiden of Trailing Rose is an excellent addition, as it works very well as a first ride target, allowing for magic numbers to be hit from all columns. If you want her to be a part of your deck, she is going to set you back at about 3.25-4.00 euros.

Maiden of Protea is an odd-ball in this line-up. While she was initially noted for her very cute design, she is one of the few Neo Nectar units that saw almost no expermentation. That is because of her unique design. With the advent of Order Cards in the new Vanguard format, Overdress, cards that get used just once for a great effect aren’t that weird, at least not anymore. Maiden of Protea is a unit that doubles as an order, that allows you to get a board full of tokens for no cost whatsoever, apart from retiring herself. 

Maiden of Protea is a very unique addition to the deck’s lineup, and I implore the Cardfighters that will experiment with this deck to try her out. Being an over-looked common card, she wont set you back more than 0.40 cents, at most. 

There are many many more points to be made about the grade 3 line-up, but if your budget allows you to add more expensive cards, replace Maiden of Iceberg and Maiden of Protea with any number of Cornflower Flower Maiden, Ines and Arboros Dragon, Sephirot. These cards are more expensive but they are also the next step to building the competitive version of this deck. 

The grade 2 line-up is also interesting, being a mix of massive power increases, as well as a lot of utility for those who find that they do not have enough value generation in their deck.

We are going to begin with a few choices that turn your token units into cards in your hand, allowing you to survive into the late game and outvalue your opponent in both hand and board advantage. We have three main candidates for this list, as the space for the grade 2 slots is quite tight. 

Those three card-draw connaisseurs are the following: 

Spiritual Tree Sage, Irminsul, a card with the following effect:  [AUTO](RC):When placed, if you have two or more grade 0 rear-guards, COST [Counter Blast (1)], draw a card, and all of your units in the same column as this unit get [Power]+5000 until end of turn. Simply put, Irminsul is excellent. He is a card that has a very easy time fullfilling his condition, and an even easier time giving a column a total of 10k power, as well as a draw, all for the cost of a counter-blast. Irminsul is great for grade 2 rushing, pushing the power level of boards, turning your generations into advantage, as well as allowing for a single column to demand a 20k shield block out of your opponent. In my opinion, Irminsul is a must and should be run at 3-4 copies, which are gonna set you back at less than 1 euro.  Our second candidate, the stunning and beautiful Maiden of Nepenthes, and she has the following effect:

(excuse me for the japanese text, the effect is translated properly.) [ACT](VC/RC)1/Turn:COST [Retire a plant token], draw a card, and until end of turn, this unit gets "Boost", and [Power]+5000. [AUTO](RC):When it boosts a grade 3 rear-guard, you may have the boosted unit get [Critical]+1 until end of that battle. If you do, at the end of that battle, put this unit into your soul. Maiden of Nepenthes follows the exact notion of what this deck can do when faced with a slower, card advantage-based value deck, something along the lines of Megacolony or Oracle Think Tank. This maiden is unique, as she literally turns a token into a card in your hand, but she doesn’t reduce the overall power that is present on the board, effectively giving you advantage for no cost whatsoever. The secondary skill is a bit tougher to use effectively in this deck, but if you’re willing to stick with Neo Nectar in the long run, she has also seen play in Ahsha, which is the most popular Neo Nectar build, as of now. A full playset of her is gonna cost you about 2 euros, and I think that she’s a great card to run at 2 or 3 copies.  The last card in this section that requires a bit of our attention is Maiden of fall Vine, a very unique card which has the following effect: 

[AUTO](RC):When placed from hand to the (RC) with a plant token, draw a card, and this unit get [Power]+5000 until end of turn.  Talk about a unique effect ! Maiden of fall vine is one of those few cases where game mechanics and card interaction is specifically stated on the card text, so some new players may be initially confused. She needs to be called on an R circle that already has a pre-existing plant token unit on it, in which case she will inherit the power of said token, as well as replenish a card in your hand. You might notice a lot of similarities with Maiden of Nepenthes, and you would be 100% correct, however, Fall Vine is usually more favored as she is less restrictive and more cost-effective, allowing for a wider range of plays and combos to be made with her. Maiden of fall vine is a card that is integral to our strategy, therefore it needs to be a 4-of in our deck. She is also going to set you back about 3-4 euros, although she can be found for much cheaper online.  These grade 2 units are very powerful, and should be present in any token-based deck so that they may turn the board advantage that is provided by most Neo Nectar units into hand advantage. However, we have a few more miscallenious grade 2 units that need a quick look-over, those being:  Bad Boy, Walgackey, a grade 2 unit that has a very familiar effect, which reads: 

[ACT](RC):COST [Retire this unit], and call up to two plant tokens to (RC). (Plant tokens are grade 0/[Power]5000/[Critical]1 and have boost) Maiden of Protea’s son has turned out to be quite the bad apple, but he can still be very useful in our deck. Retiring himself for 2 token units basically fullfills the entire condition of Irminsul, sets us up for Maiden of Fall Vine, and also further assists with Maiden of Nepenthes. A card with a simple effect that complements our entire deck. Walgackey is a flex slot, meaning that he’s not necessary, but he is a very cheap card, which is only gonna set you back about 0.40 cents for a playset,  However, grade 2 units can also bring the pain with very high numbers, which is the unique case of Lily of the Valley Musketeer, Kaivant, who has the following effect:

[AUTO](RC):When placed, this unit gets [Power]+5000 until end of turn for each of your grade 0 rear-guards. Apart from being near and dear to my heart, as he is a part of my favorite deck ever, the Musketeers, Kaivan is just an all-around excellent attacker for the Neo Nectar clan. Just like Maiden of Iceberg, Kaivant gets a nice 5k boost for each of your token units. In many board states kaivant gets a massive 20k attack boost just by being called from your hand. Kaivant is also only 20 cents, so an entire playset will not cost you more than 1 euro.  For the non budget options, as well as a few more unique card choices the cards I would recommend are the following: Pansy Musketeer, Sylvia, Osmanthus Maiden, Anelma, Maiden of Fine Ale

[AUTO](VC/RC):When placed, you may call a plant token to (RC). (Plant tokens are grade 0/[Power]5000/[Critical]1 and have boost)

[AUTO](VC/RC):When placed, COST [Counter Blast (1) & Soul Blast (1)], draw a card, and call up to one Plant token to (RC). (Plant tokens are grade 0/[Power]5000/[Critical]1 and have boost) [CONT](RC):If you have a rear-guard on your (RC) with the same card name as your grade 3 or greater vanguard, all of your units get "Boost".

[ACT](RC):COST [Counter Blast (1) & Retire this unit], look at three cards from the top of your deck, call up to two cards from among them to (RC), and put the rest on the bottom of your deck in any order. All of these choices bring some unique elements to this deck. Sylvia is an unconditional token summon, which is excellent for rushing and value plays, while Anelma requires both a counter blast and a soul blast to give you a card that both gives you a token and a card in your hand, both of which are excellent effects. Maiden of Fine Ale is an option that a few select lists run, as it turns herself into one of your high-value and low cost units, as well as thinning out the deck a tiny bit.  The grade 2 units are an integral part of every single Neo Nectar deck, as the majority of grade 2 Neo Nectar units are amazing cards both in conjuction with other cards and just by themselves. 

Moving forward, we have some very nice options for our grade 1 units, as the Neo Nectar grade 1 units are known for being power-houses in the early phases of the game.

We begin our grade 1 escapades with the most vital units of the deck, which are going to be 2 very high power grade 1 units that will give us value, and close out the game for us, those being Maiden of Flower Carpet and Maiden of Dream Shower. 

[AUTO](VC/RC):When placed, you may call a Plant token to (RC). (Plant tokens are grade 0/[Power]5000/[Critical]1 and have boost) [AUTO](Drop Zone):At the end of your turn, COST [retire two Plant tokens], and return this card to your hand. This ability may only be used by a card with the same card name once a turn.

[AUTO](RC):When placed, if your vanguard is grade 3 or greater, COST [Counter Blast (1)], and all of your token units on (RC) get [Power]+10000 until end of turn.  Wow. Where to begin with both of these units? They are both quite excellent at what they do, but let’s begin with the more unique out of the pair, Maiden of Flower carpet. Flower Carpet is, by far, the best grade 1 Neo Nectar unit, as the token generation works on both V and R circles, it is unconditional with no cost, and she recycles herself by retiring 2 token units, effectively turning 2 useless units, that have little to no usage on your opponent’s turn into a 10k shield blocker, that can also be used for even more value next turn. She is a tiny bit pricier than the rest of the cards at about 4 euros for a playset, but it is well worth it for such an effect.  Maiden of Dream Shower is a win condition, plain and simple. Her effect has a few caveats, requiring both a counter blast and your vanguard being a grade 3 unit. However, the power she provides is game-winning. She is a card that, in many cases, with provide a whopping 40k power on your board, and paired with multiple copies she mades even your weak initial attacks before Peony’s skill quite deadly. She pairs fabulously with force 2, and in many circumstances she can blow your opponent out of the game. A glass cannon, to be sure, but a cannon nontheless. She is also exceedingly cheap, a common that is 10 cents per copy.  Our Grade 1 line-up continues to impress with our next few entries, as we take a look at 3 more token generators, as well as a very unique board buff. Our token generators are: Fruits Basket Elf, Maiden of Sweet Berry, and blowball squire.

[AUTO](VC/RC):When placed, call up to one Plant token to (RC), and if your vanguard is grade 3 or greater, Soul Charge (1). [CONT](RC):During your turn, if your vanguard is grade 3 or greater, this unit gets [Power]+5000.

[AUTO](RC):When placed, if you have no plant tokens, call up to two plant tokens to (RC). (Plant tokens are grade 0/[Power]5000/[Critical]1 and have boost)

[ACT](RC):COST [Soul Blast (1) & retire this unit], call up to two plant tokens to (RC), and if your vanguard is grade 3 or greater, those plant tokens get [Power]+5000 until end of turn. (Plant tokens are grade 0/[Power]5000/[Critical]1 and have boost) There is not a lot to be said here, Cardfighters. What you see is what you get, cheap, strong, easy to use token generation, with some different varieties of spice. Blowball is a very unique sort of token generation, being insanely strong but only really being “active” on the first few turns of the game. Maiden of sweet berry is an excellent booster and a soul charge engine. Fruits basket is 2 tokens, as well as a nice power boost for said tokens. All of these cards have merit, however In the example list that is going to be provided, Fruits Basket Elf is the card that I have decided to run. All of these cards are excellent for what they do, and they are gonna set you back at about the same price, 20 cents for a copy. 

General overview of the deck, example decklist.

I truly do believe that Maiden of Stand Peony is one of the strongest Budget decks that you can make for a very low price. We haven’t even scratched the surface of what you can do with this deck, and I have neglected to mention quite a few options for all of the grades, as the ones that I mention are both a combination of being very cheap and very affordable.

I will showcase the list that I am currently using, which cost me less than 20 euros. 

Grade 3 

4x Maiden of Stand Peony

2x Maiden of Protea

Grade 2

4x Maiden of Fall Vine 

4x Spiritual Tree Sage, Irminsul

2x Lily of the Valley Musketeer, Kaivant

2x Maiden of Nepenthes 

3x Bad Boy, Walgackey 

Grade 1

4x Maiden of Dream Shower

4x Fruits Basket Elf

4x Maiden of Flower Carpet

Grade 0

1 Starter

8 Critical Triggers

4 Heal Triggers

4 Draw Triggers (Perfect guards)

This is a very basic list that is easy to pick up, easy to play and very very fun. Not to mention that once you learn how to use the deck effectively, you can steal wins off of very powerful decks.

Closing thoughts and special thanks. 

Thank you all for reading, especially if you have read this far. Sharing my thoughts and deck ideas with you guys has been proven to be great fun, and I would love to hear any constructive criticism about the formatting, any ideas that you may have or any Deck Recommendations that you might have for me. If you do, or you just want someone to talk vanguard with, please dont hesitate to contact my Discord (Bloom#8890), I would love to hear your thoughts of any of these topics.  Special thanks to my best friend Ophelia for pushing me to make this blog in the first place, you’re the best buddy :) .  That’s all for now, Cardfighters, see you in the next blog post ! Bloom aka thebudgetgarden.

[jqlgirl]

A Personal Message to the cEDH Community

Bona fides: I’m a Level 3 Magic judge and have been judging since 2009. I’ve judged tournaments of all formats and all levels from FNM to the Pro Tour. I understand how decks, formats, and metagames work and can absorb such information quickly. I’ve also been playing EDH since before it was called Commander and have been a member of the Commander Advisory Group since its inception last year.

So, let’s talk about cEDH and Flash in particular. While there have been calls to ban this card due to its cEDH implications since Protean Hulk’s unbanning in 2017, the furore has reached something of a desperate and fevered pitch in the weeks since Thassa’s Oracle was revealed. This anger redoubled this past monday when the Commander Rules Committee announced no changes to the Commander banlist in its quarterly update.

I understand the effect that Thassa’s Orcale will have on cEDH’s metagame when combined with Flash/Hulk combos. From everything I’ve heard, it puts the format in something of a solved state and reduces viable deck diversity down to a single combo that is virtually immune to interaction outside of Stifle and its ilk. It seems to me that the only matter that isn’t yet settled is if it’s better to use it with a Consultation package or a Cephalid Breakfast package. The correct answer is probably just to run both to ensure maximum flexibility.

At any rate, these FishHulk decks are going to make the format stale and no fun whatsoever. In any other format, this is beyond the pale of what would lead to a banning for competitive balance. However, Commander isn’t like other formats in that its banlist exists for a completely separate reason to that of competitive balance. Rather, the Commander banlist exists to attempt to set a baseline expectation of what is and isn’t acceptable in the format and to remove elements from the format that players at an average power level would be able to abuse to the detriment of those they play with.

Many RC and CAG members, myself included, sympathize with the concerns of the cEDH community in regards to Flash, Oracle, and its metagame issues in general. We have heard your concerns and have been in conversation with luminaries of the cEDH community almost continuously in the past few months. We understand the nature of the problem, but we have our own concerns about how making a ban solely for the benefit of cEDH players would be perceived by the broader community and if it would actually serve to “fix” that end of the format. We worry that it would just be a bandaid over a deeper wound and that we would all end up in the same position again in six months or a year. 

Additionally, while Flash may not see much casual play, there is nothing to say that recent printing of cards such as Arena Rector or Nyxbloom Ancient won’t lead to it seeing wider adoption in the community. While I’m personally of the opinion that Flash should be banned, that opinion isn’t universal among the RC and CAG, and many wish to be more cautious about making such a change. What if the next card to break cEDH is something like Sol Ring or Cyclonic Rift? Should such broadly played cards be banned for the sake of the competitive edge of the format? These are the questions we have been considering.

The one thing that is absolutely set in stone for the RC is that the banlist will never serve the purpose of attempting to regulate the format for tournament play. That isn’t what the format is meant to do and is antithetical to its goals. Magic is full of lots of other formats that revolve around tournaments and Commander is meant to be a haven away from the unfriendly elements of those events. (While many players enjoy these elements of the game, many others don’t and come to commander to get a break from them.)  In light of this, a ban for competitive balance isn’t likely to be allowed. Even if such bans did happen, they would reshape commander into a format unrecognizable to those who love it for the strange quasi-broken mess that it is right now.

As far as I’m concerned, there’s no clear answer to the problems that exist in cEDH right now. While a Flash ban would make this better for now, I feel like some other best strategy would emerge and lead to similar problems soon enough. I also don’t think that cEDH should split off from the rest of the Commander community to become its own format, as that isn’t something that the cEDH community wants.

To everyone in the cEDH community who is upset with the RC and CAG for seemingly not addressing these issues, I feel your pain and understand your anger. You fear the loss of something that you love and there seems to be nothing you can do about it. I would ask that you give us a modicum of your trust and understanding, however. Your voices aren’t being ignored and we have been doing nothing but considering these problems since before the announcement on Monday. The RC moves slowly, perhaps slower than it should, but achieving workable change takes time. I can promise you that I personally will do my utmost to continue listening to the cEDH community and sharing those concerns with the rest of the CAG and RC. I want to find a solution to this issue that will work for all of the EDH community, both casual and competitive.

If anyone wants to talk to me about this issues, you can reach me here on tumblr, on twitter (@jqlgirl) or on discord (JqlGirl#9431). Thank you for your time.

-- Charlotte Sable

[war--lords]

Hanayome

Warnings: Female!Reader, mild family conflict, possible inaccuracy Word count: 3,648 words (Exactly same as last chapter! What sorcery) Tagged: #hanayome Translations and important notes:

It’s done! This is the last chapter. I plan on putting out another one that is kind of like an optional chapter with no plot in it whatsoever.

I also really hope you understand what’s happening in this chapter, there’s a lot of explaining and I stayed up till like 3 am to try and write it so it may not be the most cohesive.

Part 1 Part 2

3.

You don’t remember losing consciousness.

You let out a sigh, your skin enjoying the coolness of the futon you lie on. Its fabric is softer than what you’re used to, almost like satin. It is with great reluctance that you open your eyes, because you don’t feel like you want to leave the bedding. Blinking slowly, you try to gauge your surroundings—a regular-sized room, its flooring covered with regular tatami mat, making it look almost like an inn. A nice inn, granted, thanks to the artistically placed decorations and plants. 

In the corner of the room in front of you sits a man. He is facing a low table, pouring something from a flask into a saucer-like cup. Sake, you assume.

Strange. Your fever seems like it has dissipated, for you no longer feel woozy or mildly uncomfortable, but you’re still warm—from sleeping, perhaps? The weather outside is far from hot, the night breeze cool after the rain. 

You sit up, allowing your eyes to adjust to lantern-lit room. It’s still dark outside, but there’s enough light from the inside to let you look at him more closely. Nobunaga, he said his name was. What an awfully human name. His raven black hair frames his face, carnelian eyes seemingly glowing as he focuses on the cups. You can see his profile quite clearly from your spot in the mid-sized room—the slide of his nose, his lips, his jawline…

Even while appearing human he possesses an unmistakably supernatural aura. It’s almost visible to the naked eye, rolling off of him slowly in huge amounts like midnight waves by the beach. There’s something about him that draws you in—that something being everything.

“How are you feeling?”

“Confused,” you reply, as if you didn’t just pass out. You regard your clothing: a silk sleeping kimono and a beautiful red haori that you are thankful for, as it effectively covers the curve of your bosom. Your irouchikake is neatly folded by the side of the futon, and you try to ignore the fact that he undressed and redressed you. Did he see you naked?

“How long was I out for?”

“An hour, maybe a little more. You collapsed while trying to walk.” He walks toward you with a cup. “Drink.”

Liquor sounds counterproductive right now, but it could help you accept the more bizarre things that will undoubtedly unfold, so you take it from his hand. There’s a spark when your finger touches his. You do your best not to let your surprise show and grab the cup before downing its contents whole, the warmth down your throat distracting you from the effects of his touch.

His eyes watch you and you notice that his face is rather close. He is handsome, exceptionally so, and it frightens you a little to be thinking that in such a situation. You have pressing questions that are more important than admiring his physique—you can’t let yourself be distracted.

“You came here expecting some answers,” he says. He’s doing that again, ‘reading your mind’. Casually placing a hand on your forehead, he gauges your warmth, and upon finding none, he returns to the corner to carry the table closer to the futon. “But before I entertain your questions, you must entertain me first.”

“Go?” You ask, inspecting the board game spread out on the low table. 

“Surely you are familiar.”

“Yes,” you answer. Popular temple pastime. Still, it’s surprising to know that he indulges in human games.

The next few minutes are filled with silence, with the exception of the clicks and clacks of pieces on the wooden board. For a lone god dwelling in a mountain, he is a great player—never rushing, almost as if savoring the consideration of each move. You, on the other hand, find yourself mostly trying to avoid being overpowered. A strategy that is working so far, but you feel that it won’t last for long.

He pauses during his move, watching his pieces intently, and you can’t help but stare.

His hands and fingers look strong, yet elegant, the kind you’d see in koto or shamisen players. He wears a simple black kimono decorated with gold elaborate designs, leaving behind his additional outer layers—even gods have attires that are purely ceremonial, you suppose. The loose sleeves allow you a glance at his forearms, beautifully curved with muscle. Without checking yourself, your gaze goes up and up, to his shoulders and collarbone, to the teasing parting of his kimono on his chest, to his collarbone—

By the time you arrive at his face, he’s already looking at you, a positively smug expression pasted on his face. You look down at the go board despite it not being your turn yet—the embarrassment! Willing all your blood to avoid your cheeks at all cost, you try to focus on the game.

It makes you wonder why you lost. The focusing did more harm than good, so it seems, or he’s just really good at playing. 

“Was that entertainment enough for you?” You say, brushing your loose hair as a temporary distraction. You still refuse to believe he caught you staring.

“Quite,” he answers amusedly, putting away the pieces and the board. “It has been a while since I’ve had a human opponent.” Which means he’s always played against inhumans. You wonder if his playmates are other gods, a question that you decide to push to the bottom of the list. Important questions only.

“You may speak your business,” he declares, sounding official even as he casually pours out another glass, this time for him as well. 

“May I be honest with you,” you pause, “Lord Nobunaga?”

He doesn’t seem to dislike the honorific. Also, you realize the redundancy of your question too late. He can see through you like a book. Wordlessly he permits you to continue, examining you with unreadable eyes. How unfair it is, that you’re so transparent in front of him while he’s still such a mystery.

“You have ruled over us for centuries, and never has it been written that you demand young women as part of the annual sacrifice. Why now?”

Again, Kiku’s voice rings in your ear. He said your name... he wants you.

“Destiny,” he answers, as if simply announcing the weather. “It is destiny that demands it, not I. Us gods may be almighty, but none of us are more powerful than destiny. Not even the Great Mother can escape it.”

You don’t even have to ask the question.

“You call her Amaterasu, ancient beyond all ages.”

“The Sun Goddess,” you murmur, nodding, “of course.”

“To us, she is the Great Mother of all beings, god and man alike. Even now she watches over us from the sky each day, but she has said that she is not above destiny. One day, though far away that day may be, the sun will die out.”

You remain quiet, considering your words. “So you’re saying destiny told you to marry?”

“At the beginning of my existence, destiny has whispered to me my predeterminations. I did not ask for a life of conquests—it was handed to me. My powers are the same.”

He looks at you just then, with a tenderness that no man has ever looked at you with. His hand reaches out for yours, enclosing around it with warm fingers, as if the electricity from before had melted away. Your heart skips a beat. 

“Your name was given to me when I came to being. I saw not your face, but the very essence of your soul. I have known you long before your ancestors were born—and I waited.”

There is a certain weight in his words, but strangely you feel your soul soaring in response. His warm hand feels as though it is holding your heart instead, gently and with great care, and you feel like you could give up right then and there.

“Have you no influence on people’s lives?” You ask quietly, as if not wanting to speak at all. You remember whatever romantic encounters you had with men—were those experiences merely to keep you accessible for him? There’s bitterness in your throat when you speak again.

“Could you not have any part in mine, some way to lead me to you?”

“I could,” he begins, and as he speaks he strokes your fingers with his thumb. You find it very comforting. “But everyone is bound to fate. I didn’t have to because I know that you are bound to me,” at these words he gently squeezed your hand, looking at it with an almost nostalgic look on his face, “and I to you.”

“So self-assured, even for a god.” Your commentary is meant to be incisive, maybe a tad reprimanding, but it comes out nearly like a loving, welcoming nudge. The corner of his lips turn into a smirk, definitely catching the same connotation, and you find yourself embarrassed, not unlike the way you were during the Go game earlier. 

“If you understand the course in which fate’s threads run, you’d be confident too.”

Perhaps he is discreetly addressing the creeping insecurities holding you back despite how right it feels to trust him. You want to just because it is the natural thing to do, but in the crevices of your heart lie doubts, and they have teeth, sinking into you slowly. What about the message he delivered himself—the young bride he wanted? Surely he knows of the abbot’s younger daughter.

“If you’ve known my name and face, why shoot an arrow from the sky?”

“To teach your father a lesson,” he answers. He always has an answer, it seems.

Your eyebrows knit together in confusion. “When he was only following your instructions?”

Something changes about his face, the subtleness of it making you think that he is somewhat surprised at your rebuke. He stops stroking your hands. When he looks into your eyes, it’s clear that he is searching for something that he doesn’t find. You’re left confused.

“What?” You ask, not able to stand the stillness.

“You don’t know,” he declares then, returning to his normal self, but in his amber-like eyes is reluctance.

“What is it that I do not know?” You ask again, insistent.

He seems to consider this for a while, examining your face like he’s evaluating how determined you are to know the truth. Seeing no signs of hesitation on your part, he yields, though everything about him remains as composed as ever. He then holds both your forearms, and with a sliding motion down to your hands, tells you to open your palms and face them up. You feel your breath picking up and heart palpitating, unsure of what he is about to do to you—he is going to explain, isn’t he?

“I shall show you,” he answers your silent question. “Close your eyes.”

You do as you’re told.

He purses his lips slightly, watching as you sit, eyes closed, in front of him on the futon. He has never been the deity that meddles into human affairs too much, only interfering if necessary. And at this moment, it is necessary—you have climbed many steps to reach his dwelling looking for answers. He saw this coming, yet it is still rather unfitting for him to be the one revealing such a personal matter. 

But denying you the truth would be unfair.

So he cups your cheek and he still finds it unreal. One would think meeting a god is unreal, but for so long you’ve been a phantom in his mind, shapeless and untouchable, and now you’re alive, in the flesh in front of him. His hand wanders up to your forehead, mapping your skin, feeling its warmth. Closing his own eyes for focus, he then presses his thumb gently to the center of your forehead, and begins to chant.

The incantation is foreign to your ears, but a few seconds in and you recognize a familiar feeling: floating. You almost feel drowsy, like you’re stuck between consciousness and sleep, but an uneasy sensation up your spine prevents you from losing grip of reality. His voice grows louder, unnaturally so, as you hear an otherworldly echo after each phrase he recites.

Images begin to float in your mind. The stone patterns of the staircase heading up the mountain repeats before your eyes, but this time it’s heading downwards. You follow the path, down, down, reminding you of the fever dream you had in the prayer room. It feels real. You can smell the earth in the rain, hear the sound of the bamboo forests rustling. From the sky above, his voice resounds, a constant stream of recitations as your vision brings you down the mountain. It isn’t long until you reach the temple.

The night is dark and none of the lights are on. In fact, it looks as though no one is home. You feel a force guiding you inside the main building at the furthest area of the temple grounds, where your family lives. All the hallways are empty, and you see nobody on the way to your quarters. Your heart begins to beat faster as you approach your room, the sliding doors just an arm’s reach away. What are you doing here?

It is then the sliding door next to your room opens, slowly. You feel your throat clench, blocking the air to your lungs—Kiku emerges from the darkness, looking around her cautiously, and even though you’re right in front of her, she can’t seem to see you. Astounded, you follow behind her. Where could she be going, sneaking out in the dead of the night?

You don’t have to venture far. Kiku is swift but silent, tiptoeing to minimize the sound of her footsteps, and before you know it, you find yourself at the hallway leading to the temple’s stone courtyard.

The sight before you stops you in your tracks.

Kiku runs towards a man at the edge of the grounds, a familiar silhouette in the night. Once within arm’s reach, the man brings her into an embrace, and she willingly buries her face in his chest. He tips her chin up and leans down to kiss her, deep and hurried, and it only takes one second before Kiku brings her hands to his face. Their lips lock desperately, like they only have the night to be together, but they eventually part. The man takes her hand as the two of them rush towards the stairs leading to the village, disappearing out of your sight.  

I swear I love him! So much...

It is then the pressure on your forehead disappears—you don’t realize how warm your skin feels—and you open your eyes, once again finding yourself back in the room with Nobunaga. He has stopped chanting, quietly peering into your face out of concern masked with composure. You realize that he’s holding your hand now, and that you’re in a cold sweat again.

You stare at him.

At sundown, a fiery arrow shall come down from the sky and pierce the roof of the house in which this virgin dwells.

“Kiku—”

“She gave herself to the man she truly loved, even while knowing she cannot be with him.” He says, not letting go of your hand. It sounds like he is complimenting her. Meanwhile, you still feel trapped in the dream, all the memories of the next morning rushing back to you like a river runs.

Kiku has always been an early bird, but nobody ever considered that perhaps she didn’t sleep the night before.

“She really did love him,” you murmur.

“She still does,” Nobunaga tells you.

“But what does this have to do with teaching my father a lesson?”

“You should know that your sister and her lover is bound for each other,” he says, “like us.” You feel your heart jump at the addition. “Once fate decides, there is little man can do, though there are a few notable exceptions to this law. Your father, however, severed their relationship on the basis of his own arrogance.”

“Father thought the man’s social standing wasn’t up to par,” you add bitterly.

“He was clearly blindsided by the honor of his daughter becoming the bride,” Nobunaga continues, beginning to stroke your hand again, yet his words are unchangingly straightforward, “and again, he made the mistake of preferential treatment.”

“Did you arrange for this to happen?”

“I only plan what is necessary, and the whole commotion with your younger sister was not. If I had it my way, you would be here much earlier.” At this, he moves to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. The way his face tenses up slightly tells you that his regret is sincere. “As a matter of fact, I believe this to be predetermined by fate.”

“How so?”

“It is your father who has repeatedly behaved out of pride. First, he cast away an honest man who loved your sister for poor prestige, and then he sent the wrong bride out of personal preference. A mistake it may be, but standing on selfishness nevertheless.” He proceeds to comb your locks, a gesture you absolutely don’t hate. Dare you say his moderately intimate touches are keeping you grounded. 

“Now,” he begins again, “I shall justify why I believe fate is punishing your father. He is an abbot of a temple who has the privilege to be in my presence once a year, and whose duty is to intercede for my worshippers, keeping them in my favor. At present, he has failed to perform perhaps my most important instruction yet, a mistake that is not at all a secret amongst the people. One would consider incompetent, would one not?”

“To err is human, my lord,” you reply, albeit conflicted. You’re not sure why you’re defending your father.

“His true err is in his idea of principality behind his actions. If he didn’t desire to see only one of his children succeed because the other doesn’t adhere to his narrow-minded standards of decorum, he would’ve sent you to me. A head priest should know that the established practice is always based on succession, in which you come first. As for your sister, no suspicion shall be cast upon her amidst the turbulence surrounding the head priest, and so she will remain protected from all judgement until he is reunited with her lover.”  

Kiku, happily together with the man she loves most! You can almost see her in that shiromuku again, this time with a groom next to her and a bright smile on her face. You become quiet, unable to admonish what he said, mostly because you long for it to be true—the part where Kiku is happy, at least. Instead you resort to another question.

“Is destiny punishing my father by discrediting him, then?”  

The corners of his lips are upturned and at that moment you realize how much the man in front of you knows. It could be that you’ve been in his presence for too long it makes you forget he is a god.

“Destiny’s punishment is by demotion.”

Your eyes widen. For the first time tonight, he is truly smiling at you.

“I have known your soul since I was a new god, and for that same amount of time, I have known you to be not only a wife, but a partner.”

“Partner?”

“My bride is predestined to also be a goddess.”

And she will dwell in the seiiki with him forever.

“As a human-turned-deity, you have the benefit of communicating with the people with no need for intercession and freedom to visit the mortal plane as you please. The head of the temple shall only rule over rituals of worship. We shall be known then as no longer two, but one.”

With you totally appalled, he takes the opportunity to lift you up by the waist and place you in his lap. 

“It is said by fate.”

You should still be in shock, but it’s as though your eyes have truly been opened, and every little second of your life has led you to this very moment. Everything makes sense. You remember the spark between your skin and his when they first brushed against each other, the palpitations of your heart when you entered the holy grounds. All of a sudden, the only thing you want to do is stay with him and never leave—it is unthinkable, for you would never want to escape from your very own sanctuary. He may have just offered you godliness in all its power, yet all you hear is an earnest proposal, to which there is only one answer. At that realization, you can’t help but smile—how are you supposed to reject when you can’t even think of the word ‘no’? 

He leans forward and presses the most tender kiss to your jaw. The touch of his lips is soft and unhurried, but it leaves a heated sensation on your skin. Then, nudging his nose against yours, he begins to speak. 

In nothing but a whisper, he calls your name, followed by the name of your mother, and your mother’s mother, and her mother before that. You sigh as he does, an unnatural shiver running up your spine. Everything about him emits warmth. It reminds you of the sensations you felt earlier when he lifted the enchantment off of the paper—you see flashes of your ancestor’s faces in your mind’s eye, only for them to comfortably slip like sand between your fingers, leaving only you and him in stillness.

He brings his hands up to cup your face, making you look straight at him. On his face is a mix of confidence and warmth.

“How would you like to rule the world at my side?”

You answer by gently kissing him on the lips, and the first rays of morning sun start to shine outside.

[bustedbernie]

Oh hai. Lately there have been a slew of think pieces about Bernie Sanders being the front-runner, discussing how his movement has threatened to withhold their votes from Democrats if Bernie isn’t the nominee. Hidden between the lines is the idea that Democrats, in general, owe their votes to Sanders if he is the nominee, regardless of the fact that his voters do NOT owe Dems their votes if he is not. So, rather than call them out for using the same tactics that lost the 2016 election, there is a faction in the media that is growing more and more permissive to the idea that Bernie and his Revolution are somehow the victims in all this, and that mainstream Dems have done them wrong time and time again when picking a candidate that appeals to the Dems masses.

Let me let you in on a little secret.

I don’t owe Bernie Sanders or his fucked off revolution of stanerific emo-marxist cyber-terrorists a goddamn bit of shit the fuck all. When these utter fucking geniuses in the media reflect on how energized and dedicated his enthusiastic fans are when engaging in their harassment of the average Dem, they seem to think the people who have been abused don’t fucking matter. These Dems are people who have never done anything whatsoever to deserve the constant bullying, cyber-stalking, targeting, threats, or in my case, being falsely reported to the FBI by fans of Bernie who seek to silence dissent. What these media personalities don’t understand is that the abuse by Bernie fans, in his name, actually causes the gap between MAGA and Berners to shrink to the point where it is non-existent. There is no real difference between the abuse from either side, and since Sanders isn’t the warm and fuzzy type that reaches out to the people who have been abused, often there appears to be no real difference between Sanders and Trump.

Slate:

Still, the Bernie-or-Busters, small as they may be, have spun their position into an argument for why others should vote for Bernie Sanders too, regardless of the platform they prefer. As efforts in political persuasion go, this contingent puts forward an openly hostile argument. Sanders is the only electable candidate, they suggest, not just because of his policies, but because of the single-mindedness of his followers. The reason you should vote for Sanders is that we won’t vote for anyone else. You don’t want Trump to win again, do you?

No. But I also don’t want Bernie Sanders to win. In a case of one not liking either candidate, people look to see which movement they feel most comfortable with, Bernie’s or Trump’s. If it turns out that both movements engage in racist behavior, sexism, and homophobia, it really doesn’t matter what they profess to be in favor of as far as policy is concerned, what matters is how they treat their fellow citizens by and large. We all know that unless we take back the Senate with a large majority that can defeat Republican attempts to stop legislation from hitting Sanders’ desk, nothing will pass anyway. So, if you’re not in favor of Bernie’s policies in the first place, and do not like him or his movement, why would you be enthusiastic about showing up for the guy who leads the movement that engages in attacks on you?

Yes, it sounds like ugly hostage taking—not a brilliant persuasive strategy but a crude ego-boosting exercise for a group of leftists who can’t resist the impulse to lord some power over an electorate that doesn’t normally consider them relevant. But that’s exactly what makes it so normal, even understandable, in a depressing “we’re all human” sort of way. [NO.] Because the truth is this: Every threat these Sanders stans are explicitly making is one the venerated Centrist Swing Voter makes implicitly—and isn’t judged for. The centrist never even has to articulate his threat.

Excuse me, it IS ugly hostage taking, it is NOT normal, and no, it doesn’t make me see them as more human.

Another thing is this: not everyone opposed to Bernie Sanders is a Centrist, Moderate, or a Swing voter. Many of us are as far left or to the left of Sanders, I for one am definately to his left, and had supported him in 2015. That was until his racist abusive Bern Mafia targeted me for expressing concern about his lack of outreach to black voters. I noticed his lack of history in hiring black people (D.C. is Chocolate City, we could not find one black staffer in 2015; I am open to correction on this point; if he had black staffers prior to 2015, please send me receipts because I have been looking for them.), lamented and mocked his poor showing at Netroots, fumed over his constant MLK appropriation, jeered at his white ass crowds, and felt humiliated by his inability to discuss black people in ways that were not centered on Poverty or Prisons. It is HIS FAULT that his voters have no clue how to engage Black people without resorting to stereotypes and outright bigotry, because he does the same thing.

Buzzfeed:

Sanders, seated across the table, a yellow legal pad at hand, responded with a question of his own, according to two people present: “Aren’t most of the people who sell the drugs African American?” The candidate, whose aides froze in the moment, was quickly rebuffed: The answer, the activists told him, was no. Even confronted with figures and data to the contrary, Sanders appeared to have still struggled to grasp that he had made an error, the two people present said.

No. He did not apologize for spreading this stereotype, and yes, it shows how he views black people in general.

Slate:

One of many disorienting factors in this election cycle is the fact that the left is more popular and more viable than it has been in a long, long time. They have not one but two exciting candidates, and both are offering policies closer to what leftists actually want than most presidential contenders in U.S. history have.

I wanted the party to move to the Left towards the direction of where I stood too. I can’t really name my ideology because it’s so far left I am almost hitting the wall. Additionally, I am more Libertarian than Sanders, who trends more authoritarian. Yet, I instinctively know that playing a game of “my way or the highway” won’t lead to a place where poverty programs are expanded up and out, ensuring all necessities of life are provided. It will lead to gridlock and we will make zero progress.

Because folks at the center tend to be wooed by multiple candidates, they’re used to having options, and they’re used to the experience of their vote determining who ends up with the nomination. This means that they usually like the candidate they vote for, in the primary and in the general. Not so for leftists, who get to merely tolerate the candidates they end up having to vote for in order to mitigate the damage from a worse result.

Here’s the rub… I’m Black. None of this shit applies to me, because as a Black person, I rarely even LIKE or TRUST any of the candidates I have been voting for over the years. I also usually, especially in State and Locally, don’t have any say so in determining the nominee of any race. I am always stuck voting for whoever White People choose as the candidate, and as such, am merely tolerating whoever is chosen to prevent a worse outcome, which usually means preventing a racist shitmonger from winning a race.

Speaking of race… Progressives refuse to address race as a factor in anything; they like to ignore race in everything they do and allow Prison Policy to stand in for Racial Policy, so it’s impossible to get them to see my reality. They get this shit from Bernie.

From Buzzfeed:

“The real issue is not whether you’re black or white, whether you’re a woman or a man,” he said in a 1988 interview. “The real issue is whose side are you on? Are you on the side of workers and poor people or are you on the side of big money and the corporations?”

Not much has changed with Bernie, as you know, Bernie never changes, because he was born as a 72 year old yelly man, just like Benjamin Button, but louder and not as cute.

“It’s not good enough for someone to say, ‘I’m a woman! Vote for me!’” No, that’s not good enough. What we need is a woman who has the guts to stand up to Wall Street, to the insurance companies, to the drug companies, to the fossil fuel industry,” the Vermont independent senator and former Democratic presidential candidate said in a not-so-subtle rebuke to Hillary Clinton”

Bernie’s attacks on Identity Politics filtered down to his base, causing them to feel confident in their attacks on Blacks, LGBTQ, and Women who brought up issues of race, sexuality, and gender over the past few years. They love to say shit to black people online that they would never say to an actual Black person IN PERSON, because they are scared as fuck of Black people. Kinda like Bernie. The refrain of “that’s identity politics, not real policy’ rang out constantly on social media the past few years to the point where pointing out racism, homophobia, and sexism was met with swarms of white men attacking Black people, All Women Who Dared To Be THAT Bitch, LGBTQ, and really, anyone worried about social justice issues that focused on identity. The attacks were and ARE bigoted in the extreme.

This is racist as fuck and is one of the ways the Bernie Titty-Babies managed to marginalize Kamala Harris and drive a wedge between her and Black Voters. Somehow they thought keeping it going would make us like dusty ass Bernie more, but they’re stupid, because we don’t even like that geriatric Bernadook now.

This is homophobic.

Bernie’s supporters are engaging in a hate campaign against Mayor Pete and are trying to convince the world that they are not being homophobic, they are just saying Pete is suppressing his dangerous serial killer nature by being so straight laced. This is fucked up because they are attacking a gay man for being “straight appearing” in spite of the fact that his seeming straightness is how he interacts with a world that hates gay people, and has at times (and Still Does) MURDERED men and women who are gay for not assimilating or conforming to hetero-normative stereotypes. Bernie ignores this behavior from his fans like he ignores all of their nasty hate campaigns. I blame him.

This is misogynistic. No explanation needed.

Racist and fat shaming. Black hair is not your fucking business, bitch. Back the fuck up.

This is just blatantly false and caused people to harass Kamala Harris supporters until they stopped using the Yellow Circles she asked supporters to wear, it stems from the misogynoir his fans engaged in towards Kamala. Bernie has never said shit, so I blame him.

Bigotry. Also erasure of Biden’s Black support in a effort to make it seem as if Bernie is the candidate of diversity. Bernie is at fault, he also erases minorities.

Sexist. Also, damn near all of his fans seem to hate Obama on the same level and with as much heat as MAGA. Why the fuck would we want to join in unity with this man when his fans HATE the first black President. Oh, you think Bernie has nothing to do with setting the tone?

“The business model, if you like, of the Democratic Party for the last 15 years or so has been a failure,” Sanders started, responding to a question about the young voters who supported his campaign. “People sometimes don’t see that because there was a charismatic individual named Barack Obama, who won the presidency in 2008 and 2012.

“He was obviously an extraordinary candidate, brilliant guy. But behind that reality, over the last 10 years, Democrats have lost about 1,000 seats in state legislatures all across this country.”

Bernie doesn’t fucking like Obama either.

Sexism. Racism. Bernie does the worst with Black Women, and is often dismissive when asked a question by one of us. So, his fans see nothing to lose by targeting us in particular, and we in turn are likely the largest group of people willing to sit this one out if Bernie manages to come out on top. The media is no help whatsoever to marginalized people, because they ultimately weave a narrative where Bernie comes out the victim.

We can already see it happening amongst the Children of the Bern, where they have taken to labeling K-Hive, a movement started by a Black Woman (Me) for a Black Woman (Kamala Harris), “Liberal ISIS” for our resistance to Bernie and willingness to defend the other candidates from the attacks levied by the Berner Swarm.

Oh, cry me a fucking river! We don’t dox, cyberstalk, harass, abuse, try to get people fired, engage in bigotry, we learn from our mistakes, and we never make it our mission to ruin someone’s life.

We simply turn the tables on the bros and ask tough questions, like Kamala Harris. If that breaks you down, you were already broken before you found us. Oh, yeah. That’s another thing. We don’t go looking for Berners to abuse; we wait until they come to abuse US and refuse to play along.

Regardless of what poor Peter Daou says, there is no “Unadulterated Hatred” in asking if someone has checked on him.

So, yes, I can blame Bernie for the nastiness of his movement and choose not to ever join it no matter what. Progressives love to play forever victims, even while they engage in their vile abuse, but I do not have to empower their movement or help them elect Bernie. Maybe if enough people sound the alarm and let him know we will not be helping him in November while suffering constantly at the hands of his Branch Bernidians, then he will have no choice but to be a leader and fucking lead these assholes into being decent people. I don’t expect the abuse to magically end if Bernie becomes President or loses to Trump, and I also don’t expect him to do shit about it, so I guess I’m just Never Bernie. What I am now stuck with is the same as always; White States get to vote first and create the narrative that Dem voters are in favor of whoever these powerful white voters choose, and I am sick of it and sick of Sanders. I didn’t become a Democrat to not only be marginalized by the White Moderate, but to also suffer abuse from the punk ass White leftist bitchmade humdinger of a Revolution. I’m not here to empower shitfucks that search me out no matter where I am just to heap abuse on me, threaten me, or report me to the FBI as a possible MASS SHOOTER, all because I think Bernie is an old bigot who minimizes Black oppression to appease the white voters he thinks he’ll need to win the General.

I’m just Never Bernie, deal with it or die mad about it. I don’t care which.

[decimadragonoid]

Some Musts for Artists!

As I'm typing this, it is currently midnight on April 12th during the coronavirus pandemic. We're all artists here, so let's go over a few things that we can do as like-minded people. I've been on Deviantart for nearly 6 years now. I recently started a Tumblr and a Ko-Fi to make this a fun side job. Expanding my art network and social media outlets was the name of the game throughout the years, but I thought I'd create a small journal entry or a manual somewhere midway through the process for current and newcoming artists. So, here are some tips and musts for artists that all of you can use! 1.) Practice as often as you can. - This step is pretty self-explanatory. After all, practice makes perfect. You might even unlock hidden potentials that you never thought you had before. Even if you don't feel comfortable using certain tools (e.g., the perspective ruler, mannequins, outlines), making use of them will become much easier if you ease your way into using them. For example, I've always had trouble making backgrounds while using the perspective ruler synchronously, but over time, I eased my way into using it for making settings. Now I use the perspective rulers when I'm trying to capture the essence of a room or an area outdoors. It may be hard to create characters, props, and backgrounds at first, but once you find methods you're best comfortable with, stick with your guns and flesh out your masterpieces with your own unique styles! - I also use thicker sketch lines to make characters and poses just right to accommodate my nearsightedness. I call this technique 'The XL Method.' 2.) Study and Observe from Others. - If you have a favorite show, artist, or animator you like to watch, observe how they flesh out their characters, backgrounds, settings, and stories. Using any of the listed in the last sentence as reference material is a good way to analyze the big picture and make it your own. Of course, you must remember that you're not doing this to mimic your favorite artist, but rather referring to them as a template of sorts. Don't try to stay as someone else's shadow. Your art style is created through your body and soul, not by emulating your idol. 3.) Take care of yourself. - This is probably the most important thing you must NEVER neglect as an artist and overall person. If you can't draw yet due to other responsibilities outside of being an artist, don't try to force yourself afterwards. I've personally seen artists get hounded with questions and comments like 'When's your next page coming out?', 'Finish this project up already!', and even 'I only came here for Undertale. It's the only thing that gives me life. If you stop making Undertale comics and cancel your series, I'm not gonna watch you anymore.' Every artist I follow has been pressured more than once, especially in the Undertale fandom, when they actually put a project on hold, had a desire to draw something else for a while and try new things to take a break, or had other responsibilities outside the digital realm that followers neglect to understand or just don't care about because they're so anxious to see what happens next in a story they like. With followers, some are patient and respect that the artist has other responsibilities and hobbies they'd like to attend to, and others feel like they're entitled to the next page, when really, they're not. This isn't prominent in just the Undertale fandom, but also in many others - so many in fact, that it's a hassle just to list them all. - It's important to balance your lifestyle with things you like to do. If you like to draw, by all means, do it. If you like to read, by all means, do it. If you like to hang out with friends, by all means, do it. If you like to play video games, by all means, do it. If you have to take care of yourself and put your health over everything else first, do it. Do NOT compromise! When it comes to your health and lifestyle, unless it's beneficial to you, nobody else's input matters. Your followers won't get mad at you for it, and the followers undergoing the stages of entitlement will have to shut the hell up and take a hint. You're your own person, not someone else's servant. 4.) Eat! Eat! EAAAAAAAAAAAATTT!!! - Whether it's your favorite food or something jam-packed with nutritious value, eat all the food you want to eat! No artist can operate on an empty stomach. Keep your metabolism going and grab a snack, breakfast, lunch, or dinner. You want an example? Eat popcorn or sushi. Popcorn is high in fiber and helps keep your blood sugar in check as long as you don't drench it in too much butter. I also recommended sushi in this tab too. The reason is because sushi and other types of fish are high in DHA content, which stimulates brain activity and keeps your creative juices flowing. - There are other snacks that can help you stay motivated and full. Yogurt prevents diseases and enhances digestive and weight control. Bananas are high in potassium and help maintain a healthy heart. Chips and hummus go together too! Not only is hummus a good dip filled with fiber and protein, it's also filled with antioxidants! - I can go on and on about what kind of foods you can eat as an artist, but there are too many to list! I just love food THIS much! You'll be sitting here reading this tab all day if I did, so I'll leave the examples in the previous paragraphs for you. Whether it's a snack food, breakfast, lunch, or dinner, feed your body and mind, and you'll definitely make it as an artist! 5.) If you're a comic artist making an original story or building up from someone else's idea with a fanmade comic of your own, achieve total secrecy and wow your viewers later! - Yeah, I know it's great you've finished a comic page to show to your followers, and it has them craving for more. But sometimes, someone else's desire for more pages might be a little too much. Whether you're a regular artist or a comic/fancomic artist, not only is it important to balance your lifestyle, manage your time, and decide when you want to draw an art piece or the next page to your story, but it's also important to limit the amount of desire and demand you take in. - If you don't mind giving your fans spoilers, then that's okay too. But sometimes, achieving complete radio silence and being exclusive helps you get the most work done. - For example, a clothes designer named Geoffrey B. Small utilized a marketing strategy in which he made his clothing line limited and exclusive to shoppers. He doesn't want you to find his clothing. Even more so, he's not interested in being available to everybody. This makes his clothing unique and valuable to the eye of the beholder. If his clothes were found by literally everyone, it would disappoint him and jeopardize the overall exclusivity and value of his products. If your someone who doesn't want anyone to know that you're working on an art piece or a batch of comic pages that's gonna gobsmack your fans, pull a Geoffrey B. Small-esque move and don't leak any info whatsoever. - But IF you must inform your fans your project is still up and running, leave a subtle hint or a W.I.P thumbnail behind. That'll suffice. Keep your fans guessing, even if it means making them succumb to their anxiety or neediness for updates. - Limit any questions or comments you want to take in until you feel ready to reveal your big guns. You decide when you'll work on your art on your OWN terms. 6.) Allow yourself to imagine and enjoy your creative mind going wild before fleshing it out on your tablet or on paper. - Creativity is what makes literally anything in the world come to life! That's how we have the technology, video games, buildings, and other necessities in our generation today. For us artists, our most creative tool is the brain. The brain is the center of all human activity and thought. It's what allows us to imagine what happens next in our stories before we physically flesh them out on our drawing tablets or on paper. I always use my brain to generate a thought in my head that's so powerful, when I close my eyes or flesh it out every second, I can see a glimpse of it playing in my head like a roll of film filled to the brim with moving images for a movie. - It's also beneficial to write out a script, and even pretend you're a character in the story you want to create. - Flesh out your thoughts, play the track over and over again, add more thoughts, put a few funny moments into the mix, and BAM!! You've got an idea! Of course, you must also understand that unless the thought is something long-term you want to remember, you might forget some parts of your idea at first. Some ideas might be some you'll totally dislike later, and that's okay. There's always room for re-imagination and improvement. - Also take to heart that you shouldn't let your creative thoughts take over your real-life responsibilities. Those come first! - Overall, it's important to imagine and have fun going wild before physically bringing your thoughts into being. Let the creativity flow naturally. 7.) Understand you're not perfect, and neither are others. - In the wise words of Mayuri Kurotsuchi from BLEACH, 'Nothing perfect exists.' - 'If something is truly perfect, that's it. The bottom line becomes, there is no room for imagination, no space for intelligence, or ability, or improvement.' - 'Perfection is a dead end, a condition of hopelessness. Always strive to become better than everyone who came before you, but not perfect.' - You need to understand no artist or average working person in the world is perfect. Nobody is better or worse than anyone else. If you start to develop an egotistical sense of perfectionism, stop. You're not Picasso or Van Gogh. You're not better than anyone else. Neither am I. Everyone has their own ways of creating things or getting through the harsh reality of the real world. - The only thing we are is a small part of a bigger picture. We're all here to fill the gaps that plague the digital realm and society as it is today. 8.) Enjoy every minute. - The last thing an artist, viewer, average kid, and/or working adult needs to know is that if you enjoy doing something, it's worth enjoying all the way no matter what anybody else says. Have a good time. Don't let anyone take your modes of enjoyment away from you. Because at the end of the day, everything that lives is designed to end. We don't know when the time will come where we won't or can't enjoy what we love to do today anymore. So take your life and hobbies, make them the most enjoyable and memorable moments of your life, and never let them go! As an artist and overall human being, I care about my own well-being. Hell, I even care about the well-being of strangers and passersby on Deviantart, Tumblr, Ko-Fi, and real life. As such, I feel it's important to share my words of wisdom so you can read, listen, and make them your own. So remember to not only enjoy art or any other hobby or career you wish to pursue, but to never stop growing. The growth and development of the normal human being is a neverending journey, and it's one worth living well. Thank you for reading, and take care of yourselves. Stay determined, where and whoever you are... See you soon... Your friendly stranger and creative thinker, DecimaDragonoid

[nightcoremoon]

everyone sucks dark souls' dick over how it's triumph over hardships and whatthefuckever

asylum demon is a little bitch.

taurus demon is a little bitch.

moonlight butterfly is a little bitch.

titanite demon is a little bitch.

capra demon is a little bitch.

havel the rock is a little bitch.

stray demon is a little bitch.

bell gargoyles are cheating little fuckers.

these fights aren't hard. they're not difficult. they're painfully easy. those first seven I beat without breaking a sweat, most of them on the first or second try. would've been the first for some but the game just loves artificial difficulty. what's that, you want strategy and tactics and reaction time? too bad, fuck you, have random ass bullshit, skewed numbers (enemies have fuckhuge hp and damage and you have wet paper), extra enemies on the side who fuckin teleport and ignore physics (oh right it's havok physics so fuck it who cares let's all teleport), oh yeah and your framerate is cut to ribbons because the game tries to render THE ENTIRE WORLD AT ONCE and when your framerate is low guess what YOURE LITERALLY NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO PLAY because it kicks you to the main title. oh and the bonewheels? yeah I made jokes about them before but jesus christ who fucking OK'd these? was there any QA at all? oh you rested at that bonfire, fuck you you're here forever now because you move at half speed and they move at double speed and they can pivot midair a full 360 and they instantly break your poise and do a hundred damage each hit oh yeah and they can all hit you at the same fucking time. there's a literal zero frame window whatsoever to roll out of the way. all you can do is pray to the RNG gods that it'll let you play. and that's bullshit.

this game

is fucking

TERRIBLE

every single complaint I've seen about the prequel- WHICH I LOVE- and the sequel- WHICH I USED TO HATE BUT NOW LOVE BECAUSE ITS SO MUCH FUCKING BETTER THAN THE TRASH HEAP OF THE FIRST GAME- can be levied tenfold against this game.

fuck this berserk fanfiction trash that namco bandai threw money at for the art department and level design crew. they got all the budget, leaving nothing for the fuckin nonexistent ai.

the bosses all suck too. yeah ds2 had shitty bosses and reskins too, but IT HAD TWICE AS MANY AS DS1 DID. it's allowed a couple of trash bosses. and it has some absolute gems. the last giant is a perfect first boss that will decimate you if you don't know what you're doing but if you understand it you can plow through it easily, but can't be complacent with.

flexile sentry is a cool design and has two different moveset to content with, AND a level timer. skeleton lords? good boss. executioner chariot? good boss. mytha? eh, decent boss. smelter demon? fucking amazing boss. old iron king? cheating bastard but hey just don't fall in the lava idiot. git gud. fume knight? *chef's kiss* sir allonne? *chef's kiss* rat vanguard? incredible puzzle. the rotten? it's ok I guess but it's still better than half the ds1 bosses. najka? quelaag reskin but still ok. rat authority? sif and capra had a baby. prowling magus? ...ok that one is just embarrassing, I'll give you that. freja? great. pursuer? he'll crush you if you don't know what you're doing but all of his attacks are unique and avoidable and he looks fucking cool. ruin sentinels? tough as hell and worth the struggle in learning them. gargoyles? it's not a reskin, it's the ds1 gargoyle fight but not a completely horrible steaming pile of shit that's just a worse version of maneaterds in the prequel. lost sinner? good boss. mirror knight? good boss. demon of song? good boss. velstadt? good boss. vendrick? holy shit is he the best character in the series or what? and his boss fight... everyone says lord gwyn is the saddest because of sakuraba-sama's amazing talents at musical composition (so uh tales of symphonia is the best video game soundtrack ever made hands down don't @ me I'm sorry metroid prime but you have too much ambient noise) and PLIN PLIN PLON but I guarantee you that PLIN PLIN PLON would work well against vendrick too. oh yeah then you have the fake dragons (ok), throne duo (mediocre version of ornstein & smough), nashandra (meh), and aldia (meh), and also the bosses of shulva (meh) and the dogs of eleum loyce (meh) and the burnt ivory king. who is the best boss in the series hands don't don't @ me I'm sorry soul of cinder but you rely too much on nostalgia.

dark souls 2 is a fucking masterpiece with a few hiccups that are all holdovers from the first game. standing alone, this is probably the best action rpg ever made, and what everything else should build itself off of.

ds1 has a bunch of copypasted enemies with the word "boss" slapped on them, shitty mechanics, and even shittier stages.

quelaag is good. four kings is good. nito is good. seathe is good. sif is good. o&s are good. the dlc bosses are good. every single other boss is fucking stupid or fucking terrible and either can be cheesed or REQUIRE cheese.

what I mentioned before are jokes. ceaseless is just a pathetic version of dragon god who was vastly improved when he became old iron king. centipede demon is fucking garbage. bed of chaos is worse than garbage. priscilla is a meme. gwyndolin is a hallway. demon firesage is a reskin. gaping dragon is a waste of a cool design. iron golem is a joke who can be 1v1'd by tarkus. pinwheel? shut the fuck up about the prowling magus and congregation, pinwheel is not a real boss. lord of cinder? he's the reason why I don't parry, because parrying is cheese and it's fully dependent on having a $1000 graphics card and a brain that's wired to look at 60 frames per second. "but the human eye can only see 26" yeah exactly. man that's a short list of shitty bosses though. you're right? it's because I've listed all the dark souls bosses. and I haven't even listed all of the ds2 bosses.

I'm with hbomberguy here. ds2 gets more hate than it deserves. but I'll take it a step further.

dark souls 1 sucks.

it's not fun. it's not cool. it has a story ripped from a manga. its level design is a gimmick. the animations are shit. the hitboxes are shit. the physics are shit. the lighting and textures are still shit AFTER A REMASTER. the weapons and moveset variety is shit. the enemy design is shit. the locations all look exactly the same. the NPCs are boring and forgettable- I don't even know their fucking NAMES besides andre and gough (and gwyndolin but she's as real as her tits). it's built from salt and cyanide and broken glass rather than love for its roots. the music is the only part I can salvage without any buts. I can't even say that actually because THERE IS NONE EXCEPT DURING BOSSES WHEN YOU CANT LISTEN TO IT BECAUSE IT THINKS THAT DIFFICULTY IS SPEED AND SHEER NUMBERS.

it's a bad game.

you can like it. you can play it. you can love it.

but holy shit, shut the fuck about about it. I get it. I understand. I know. okay. got it. shut up.

I'll stop talking shit about your baby when you stop bitching and moaning and whining over how much you won't let yourself enjoy 2.

[morshtalon]

Dragon Quest II

Well, it's been a while since I wrote a review on something. I've played a number of games in the meantime, but none of them really gave me anything I felt was worth talking about or that hasn't been talked about before, so I just keep them in the backburner of my mind for possible future reference.

However, I feel like current circumstances make for a good time to dig up one of the games I wanted to share my thoughts on for a long time, and that I had beaten before even writing the first review I've ever "published". That game is Dragon Quest II.

Part of the reason why I held off on it for so long is that I don't think my review of the first game is all that great, and another part is that, again, I don't feel like I've bunched up enough good stuff to say, even though I really wanted to talk about it ever since I played it.

But hey, by far and wide my post popular post is technically related to Dragon Quest II, so why not cut to the chase and do it, right?

Anyway, to say that the first game took off in popularity is an understatement, it being the seminal harbinger of an entire genre of gaming that would soon take the world by storm. You would think that means this would be the time-old tale of "runaway success game making company executives pressure developers into slaving away at a sequel with suffocating deadlines". However, planning for DQII apparently began before DQI was released. 1986 was a different time, I guess. A time when the industry was fledgling enough that it wasn't that much more than a group of dudes banding together to bring an idea to life, and then - not a moment of hesitation after that idea comes to fruition - immediately start brainstorming ways in which they can build on it to give birth to new, more complex explorations of the concepts they had just tackled.

I believe this is why it's good to go back and play these games in their original versions, in chronological release order. Nowadays, it's virtually impossible to innovate. Back then, almost every big-time franchise was always finding ways to breathe fresh air into the structure of their games. Though Dragon Quest isn't the most innovative when compared to the likes of Final Fantasy, they were still making great strides into the codification of the type of game they had pioneered. With that knowledge in mind, one can really appreciate the evolution by going back and exploring these things as they grew with the times. And hey, Final Fantasy still wasn't around by the time DQII came out, so once again, they had to rely on ideas from western RPGs they liked.

In my opinion, II is the first jRPG that actually feels good to play, if you can put yourself into the mindset of an 80's gamer. The designers felt the 1v1 battles of the first title were boring - a sentiment which I share - and put in different groups of enemies as well as extra party members for you to find. One thing that some of these old RPGs that only let you target a group of enemies does is drawing only one enemy sprite on-screen to represent the entire group. Surprisingly, this game does not do that, even though it predates all the ones that do. It draws every enemy on-screen, which doesn't seem like much nowadays, but it's very appreciated nonetheless. Sure, it came at the cost of battle backgrounds (all fights in this game are set against pure blackness), but they did the right thing. The party itself follows what would become a typical archetype of 3-person groups: One character who is a jack-of-all-stats, balanced between physical prowess and magic, one who is focused on physical combat (in this game, this character actually has no magic capabilities whatsoever), and one who is a pure mage. Perhaps surprisingly, because these structures hadn't become tropes yet, the main character is the physical one, and he's also pretty much the most reliable party member by a reasonable margin, even though all he can do is attack normally. Balance issues aside (we'll talk about that later), I honestly sort of dig this arrangement. It's a little bit of a breath of fresh air to see the main character in an RPG rely completely on his weapons, and in the future, in any DQ title that has a reasonable degree of character customization, I always try to make the protagonist a physical powerhouse, to match the one from this game. It hardly ever works, but hey, it just goes for show that I enjoyed it while playing. Given that the other party members join you as you progress through the game at specific points, that also means the complexity of magic spells is added to your arsenal slowly, getting you used to it without feeling overwhelming. Sure, the game is simple enough that it wouldn't be overwhelming regardless of how they had set up the pacing, but I never felt like any of the times I struggled were because of insufficient knowledge of the game mechanics. So, the battles are fun enough, and they feel just right in terms of complexity vs. focus. The strategies to win are simple - really, the whole game is very simple - but it does its job well, and it allowed the developers to have near-perfect control of the game's difficulty curve. As a result, it is also - almost up to the end of the game - pretty nice, even if the whole thing is on the challenging end of things. At the end, it gets... A little special. We'll get to that later.

Let's take a step back and look at the gameplay outside battles. First of all, the story is... sparse, to say the least. Not as much as the one in the first game, and supplemented in the international version by a frankly kick-ass introduction that gives the experience a certain tone and atmosphere I appreciate a lot, but still, it's 1987. jRPGs were... not so much about the story back then, if you can believe that. In fact, they were more like an extension of a point-and-click adventure game. DQII is, essentially, a big fetch quest. In a different story, one that has enough plot points that you can sense a type of underlying narrative progression, I would not enjoy having the game interrupted by a blatant collectathon. However, the fetch quest aspect is basically the soul of this entire game. The extremely loose story paves the way for an experience that boils down to pure exploration and combat, with light elements of puzzle-solving woven in, using the fetch quest premise simply as a background to leave the developers with fertile soil to plant their little tricks and enigmas without worrying too much about how it would all connect rationally. And here, we witness an aspect of old games that could only spring about as a byproduct of limited graphics, ill-defined representations of the setting's reality, and a healthy disregard for common sense, things that were the style at the time. The puzzles, and sometimes just the exploration, violate logic quite heavily. Traversing through a monster-infested castle to get to a point that is technically outside the castle, but you can't just walk around it because most of the outside grass tiles are exit tiles that warp you back to the world map? Sure, why not? Having dedicated "teleport-room" maps that only serve the explicit purpose of housing a teleporter to another part of the world, except for one which also houses a chest with an essential item if you walk along the right border of the map, but not the identical-looking left one? Mario 2 hid a goal post inside a secret too, so yeah! Throw that in! Stairs down in a brick islet surrounded by water which brings you to a room that's... Also at water level? We hardly have enough tiles to go around, let alone a set to represent underwater or underground rooms, so whatever! Nobody cares! And, honestly, I truly don't care, either. If a game is up to, let's say, willfully forgo a bit of logic in order to formulate a creative puzzle to play around with your expectations, then all the more power to it. I honestly feel like puzzles nowadays are too sectioned-off, contained within a single room in a single dungeon, ready for the player to walk in, solve it, move on to the next point in the flowchart and never think about it twice. When puzzles are woven in so closely with the world, requiring the player to think outside the box at all times, as they're out there exploring, it makes the whole game feel like it's working together to make a point, and helps reduce that feeling one gets when playing RPGs where there are very separate elements of gameplay that... Don't really connect to each other very well. Sure, you're blatantly aware you're playing a videogame at all times, and it's not super great for immersion, but this was a time when there just... wasn't enough memory for immersion. It was a constraint that naturally gave way to challenges that capitalized on its own limitations, and therefore, created a type of immersion of its own, where the player is completely sucked into their own thoughts, holding a notebook with a rough sketch of the world map in their hand (yeah, I might have done that), taking notes and thinking where in the world could that last crest possibly be?! I think DQII hit that sweet spot of looseness vs. clarity in the narrative that helped these wild, nonsensical elements flourish. I really don't know how other people react to this sort of thing, but I don't care. I had a good time with it, and soon after this game, everything RPG started to become more focused on story. That's definitely not a bad thing, but I felt a kind of clear, developer-to-player kind of communication from these small bits of wrongness that made me more aware of the time, effort and creativity put into it by the people who were making it. I realized that, were I in the shoes of the dude who was making all this crazy stuff, I'd be stoked to see my friends trying to solve them. I'm not trying to be sentimental, that's how I honestly felt while playing that part with the teleporter and the chest. In any case, I appreciated it.

Then you get to the road to Rhone.

Though, apparently, the game was not pressured into deadlines by higher-ups, I did read something about one of the guys in the team offhandedly setting a deadline that turned out to be just that little bit too tight, requiring it to be delayed from November 1986 to January 1987. This, along with the fact that, at the time, the second title in a franchise had the habit of being designed for people who were hardcore fans of the first game in that series, might go a little ways into explaining why everything starting from the road to Rhone is absolutely fucking brutal. Every element of the game that, previously, was a tad questionable, leaving that little itch of worry in the back of your head, returns here with the express intent to make your life miserable. I have a high tolerance for difficulty, one that is even higher for RPGs where, for the most part, there are always ways to slightly circumvent it and make your life easier. The simplicity of design in DQII means that this is not the case here, and from this point on you're expected to not only have the skill and familiarity you've accrued while playing, but also a very healthy amount of luck to go with you, otherwise you will die. And rest assured, you WILL die. In fact, due to the specific way in which the player's mortality rate skyrockets in Rhone, it's almost not even a matter of the game being "hard" in the traditional sense, because it doesn't exactly require you to be strong enough or smart enough anymore, it just requires you to be patient enough to slowly trudge through the mountain of corpses of your former attempts until you figure out how to minimize your risks to the lowest degree they possibly can be minimized, then hitting that sweet spot of luck and control that finally allows you to reach the end of the game. This particular way of handling things means that, after you hit about level 30 with the main character, further leveling will only render you negligibly less likely to die, and the effects are not strong enough from level to level to even be clearly noticed. But what exactly makes it so hard? The answer is primarily RNG. When you reach the end, you will begin to notice just how much RNG there is through the whole game. Starting off, the turn order is entirely random. There is an agility stat, but I never found any evidence of it actually factoring into who goes first in battle (instead, it's a carryover from DQI that calculates your base defense). If there are more than three enemies, you're at a disadvantage, but even if there aren't, a stray run of bad luck - which is guaranteed to happen given the density of random encounters - means you're gonna have to scramble with enemy attacks, and they are perfectly capable of leaving you in such a state that it would take a miracle to put yourself back in shape, if they don't just wipe you out instantly. Now, remember, two of your three characters have magic. However, at this point in the game, enemies have a large amount of magic resistance to all kinds of different spells, and magic resistance in this game means that there is a chance the spell simply won't work. If it does, it deals full damage. If it doesn't, it deals none at all. I don't know about you, but I almost never take my chances with low-accuracy, gimmicky stuff in other games. This one renders all spells like that given enough time. If you decide to rely on physical strength, the main character is the only one who will bring you any significant results. The pure mage at this point in the game is far more efficient at support casting than direct damage, and the balanced character is - memetically, at this point - incompetent at both, and also sucks as a physical fighter, so once again, you're boned on that front. All of a sudden, running away becomes an alluring strategy. However, once again, there is an ever-prevalent random factor to it, so the pressure is on in all fronts. The game becomes a challenge of carefully planning out how to simply survive each encounter. Do you take the chance and run? If you fail, you'll be wailed on by the full force of the enemy party, and will likely be too weak to attempt mounting a resistance. Do you take the bait and unleash the full force of your attacks? What if they all target different enemies in the group? You won't deal enough damage to kill one of them, so you'll suffer heavy retaliation and waste precious MP that could be spent on healing spells. Did you win or escape successfully? You've only lost about 20% of your health, but some encounters can relieve you of the remaining 80% before you can even act, so do you spend MP healing or do you trudge on because you already don't have that many to go around? If you make the wrong decision at any of these break points - and rest assured, there won't be a shortage of them - you'll either die or get so close to death it will be almost irrelevant to keep going. And then, it's back to the last save point. Rinse and repeat many times until you clear the road and get to Rhone proper, for one final save point and one last, grueling stretch of game before the final boss. Here, the game introduces enemies that have, no joke, a move that kills your entire party and has 100% accuracy. Typing it out, it sounds like hyperbole, like i'm salty that I died so much and am exaggerating the things the game does in order to trick myself into believing that it was super impossible times infinity, but no, it's true. To be fair, there isn't a high chance the enemy will perform this move, but when they do, there's absolutely nothing you can do to save yourself. Just reset the game when the screen turns red. Other than that, the rest of the lovely cast of enemies rounding up the final waves are more than capable of just killing you the regular way, so keep your wits about you like you did back in the cave and grind yourself up until the stat bonuses start getting negligible, because now, you need to face five bosses in a row. Right, okay, technically you can go back and heal yourself right before the last one, but I didn't know that, so if you're an idiot like me, try to get ahold of a Wizard Ring, as well. It's the only way to heal MP, and can be used multiple times until - you guessed it - it randomly decides to break. After that, you just have to contend with two bosses that use a move that heals all their HP when it gets low, so you also have to roughly keep track of their state in your mind so you can unleash a full round of attack before they can get in that heal. Unless your spell doesn't hit them, of course. Or they happen to go first. Or you just barely miss the threshold of HP that will actually kill them. Oh, and be careful! One of the other bosses also knows the instant death move. He won't use it often, but 30 or so attempts in, you're likely to see it once or twice.

Then, the final boss can randomly spawn with a number of hit points between 75% and 100% of his assigned value (every enemy does that), and you're gonna deal an average of about 15% damage per turn to it. Sounds easy at first, but he will take you out in either one or two moves, and...

...Here's the motherload...

...He has a 1 in 16 chance of casting the full heal move at any point in the battle. And he WILL do that the first 2 or 3 times you get to him, sucking you dry of resources and smashing your face all the way back to the save point to try the 5 bosses again, so it's back to grinding attempts until you have another mostly hopeless shot at him.

But when you get him, man...

When you do it...

*sigh*

Anyway, this was a long, rambling, focus-shifting tangent just to correctly capture the degree of luck and randomness that constitutes the final stretch of Dragon Quest II. How does it impact the rest of the game? Well, I still appreciate it for what it did right, and there's a small, strange part of me that actually thinks the insane difficulty perfectly fits the stakes that the game set up, but it is, nevertheless, very hard. And once again, it's the kind of hard that is virtually impossible to circumvent. For any average, non-god-tier player, there is no alternate way of tackling the simple-looking, but highly controlled challenges in this game that trivializes it. You can't change your party, you can't buy extra spells, you can't really use stat-up items to change stat configurations in any significant way. You just have to keep trying and hope it works, and for the first few dozen times, it won't, so you'll just have to deal with it.

Still, it shows, even up to the end, that the DQ team has a certain grasp of consistency in design that will slowly grow and adapt as the series embraces new complexities through the years. DQII stands as somewhat of a black sheep in the series (as the second titles of old franchises often do), but I think it has its place, and it's surely a wild ride. Also, if you can get yourself into the mindset of late 80's design, I can assure you it won't ever be boring. Maddening, sure, but not boring. It's more fun in the midgame, in my opinion, as for someone who is very used to RPGs, it can be exceesingly simplistic at the start and too hopelessly uncontrollable at the end, but I feel it deserves a score of 7 out of 10. It's pure gameplay, and, for what it's worth, you WILL get an intense experience. Just be ready to shake, a lot. And pad your walls.

[jmsebastian]

The Dismemberment of Horror in Dead Space

After playing Dead Space for the first time I became increasingly frustrated by its attempts to be a horror game despite firmly planting its flag in the action camp. Action-horror is a tightrope walk between genres that I think rarely pans out, but that combination is alluring enough that I can’t fault anyone for trying. To me, action and horror are almost antithetical. Good action games provide a vehicle for players to feel powerful once they understand the mechanics and master them. Good horror games never let the player feel at ease, using the player’s expectations against them to keep them constantly unsettled.

Dead Space betrays its horror elements almost immediately. In two very important ways. First, the game’s monsters, the necromorphs, are revealed in all their gross glory before you even get two rooms deep into the mining ship you’re investigating, the Ishimura. You get onboard after crash landing in the opening cutscene, you walk into a room that’s got blood all over the floor, and then the necromorphs try to murder the entire crew you came with while you look on behind the complete safety of glass.

Dead Space takes so much inspiration from the 1979 film Alien as if the necromorphs weren’t a huge giveaway. But Alien works as a horror film because it spends the majority of its time building tension, first through the interpersonal issues of the crew, and then by having characters picked off one at a time by a monster the audience doesn’t really get to see. During that first encounter with the necromorphs you get a very clear look at them. You get an even better look when you’re chased into an elevator by one whose predatory instincts are questionable, at best.

Once you’ve seen the necromorphs, you know what you’re up against. This leads to the second way in which the game betrays horror, it tells you exactly how to deal with the necromorphs, and it does so in the absolute clumsiest way possible. Necromorphs need to have their appendages cut off in order to get them to cease reanimating and you get four opportunities in a row to learn this, two of which are impossible to skip. First, you find a message written in blood next to a body that says “Cut off their limbs”. Pretty straightforward. Minutes later, you can find an audio log where a crewmember says the same thing. Technically, both the bloody message and audio log can be skipped over or missed, but their placement makes that unlikely, at least on a first playthrough. What’s not skippable is the captain chiming in over your communication device saying the same thing as the audio log, followed by instructions from your suit that appear on the screen.

That’s four instances of the player receiving the same information all within the span of a couple minutes. I understand that severing necromorph limbs is the crux of the game’s entire combat, but when you tell the player the solution to fighting every single enemy in a game that’s supposed to scare them, you are doing them a terrible disservice. What makes this especially painful is that the player is given a subtle hint about cutting limbs off with the first necromorph that the player sees. As Isaac stands in the elevator while he’s being attacked, the elevator doors close and chop off the necromorph’s arm and head.

I am empathetic to developers not wanting players to get thrown into combat situations and repeatedly die because they don’t know what they should be doing, but this a game whose combat is modeled almost entirely on Resident Evil 4. In Resident Evil 4 you can shoot zombies in the legs to slow them down, you can shoot off their heads for quick kills, and you can even shoot thrown projectiles out of the air. None of this is told to the player, but it doesn’t take much experimentation to start figuring it out, which is arguably the most enjoyable part of the game. Dead Space never lets the player work out strategies for themselves, which can reduce the enjoyment and prevent the sensation of panic that horror games can elicit so well.

For all the things that Dead Space did well with regard to immersion, a few choices really break the illusion for me. There are a lot of small, but obvious issues. Necromorphs drop ammo and health items despite being horrifically twisted re-animated flesh with no need for either of these things. The ship is littered with caches of those same items, either built into the Ishimura’s structure or littered about the floor. There are also shops that allow you to buy health and ammo, as well as upgrade your protective suit.

All of these little problems add up to one big problem. All of the tools you end up using in the game only work in the context of a shooter. Sure, they try to justify the various weapons you can carry by giving them a tenuous relationship to mining, but even that is shaky. You first pick up the plasma cutter, presumably the most advanced type of mining tool in existence. So what purpose, then, does a circular saw serve? The answer is that the various tools flesh out the combat mechanics because they’re weapons, and nothing more. It would have been nice if the various tools could have been used to solve environmental puzzles and really explore the idea that Isaac is an engineer and not a soldier. Sadly, there’s nothing that Isaac ever does over the course of the game that doesn’t seem like something any other character couldn’t have done. The very existence of the item shops and upgrade stations pretty much proves it.

That brings me to the characters. This is where Dead Space felt the weakest to me. Every single character is a very broadly drawn archetype. You have a no-nonsense soldier, a nagging second-guesser, a mad scientist, a religious fanatic (well, several of them, actually), and the secret agent. To top it all off, you have the silent protagonist. Non-speaking player characters make a lot of sense in a lot of games, but it just doesn’t work out as well in Dead Space because your character has a personal reason for being on this particular mission: your girlfriend is on the Ishimura.

The first thing you see in the game is a video clip of Isaac’s beloved, Nicole Brennan. Kendra asks him about it, and the motivation is set. Isaac’s goal is to save Nicole. During the course of the game you do eventually run into her, and yet despite the horror show that both she and Isaac have gone through, Isaac does absolutely nothing even remotely resembling how one would react upon reuniting with a loved one. At the end of the game, we are treated to yet another obvious trope: Nicole’s been dead the whole time. I’m not sure if this was intended to actually be a plot twist or not, because it’s heavily foreshadowed. The video clip at the beginning clearly cuts off before it’s finished, and Isaac is arbitrarily kept from being close to her due to door locks that couldn’t possibly be activated if it wasn’t all occurring in his mind. When you finally are in the same room with her, Isaac has no reaction whatsoever. He’s supposed to be in love, but there is nothing even close to resembling human emotion coming from him.

One interesting explanation could have been that the trauma of the events has left him emotionally comatose, but instead, it’s all hand-waved away by the Marker. The Marker is a weird space object that is responsible for the necromorphs and drives anyone who spends enough time around it insane. Isaac is supposed to be a victim of this, and Kendra straight up tells us this after she reveals herself to the double-crosser that she is. It’s here that we get to see the video of Nicole played back in its entirety, and watch as she takes her own life to spare herself the horror of the situation.

The root of every element of the game can be clearly seen. You get your doses of Resident Evil 4, Alien, System Shock, and Event Horizon. Obviously, there are few or no true new ideas when it comes to stories, but what you want is a game that works to defy expectations a bit, and that allows the interactive elements to tell the story in ways other media can't. Dead Space doesn’t do this, it simply adds everything it can into one pot and hopes for the best.

For all its lack of a true sense of horror, Dead Space is still an immensely enjoyable action game, which is, itself, a huge accomplishment. You can try it for the first time a decade after its release like I did, and it plays just as well now as I’m sure it did then.

[crusherthedoctor]

Sonic Villains: Sweet or Shite? - Part 12: THE HARD-BOILED HEAVIES

There are some villains I like. And there are some villains I don’t like. But why do I feel about them the way I do? That’s where this comes in.

This is a mini-series of mine, in which I’ll be going into slightly more detail about my thoughts on the villains in the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise, and why I think they either work well, or fall flat (or somewhere in-between). I’ll be giving my stance on their designs, their personalities, and what they had to show for themselves in the game(s) they featured in. Keep in mind that these are just my own personal thoughts. Whether you agree or disagree, feel free to share your own thoughts and opinions! I don’t bite. :>

Anyhow, for today’s installment, we’ll be covering the rotund oppression squad of Sonic Mania, and celebrated improv artists among the Badnik community: the Hard-Boiled Heavies.

The Gist: Sonic the Hedgehog and Miles "Tails" Prower were heading to Angel Island in pursuit of a mysterious new jewel that their nemesis, Dr. Eggman, was on the hunt for. Unfortunately for them, a squad of Egg Robos had already beaten them to the punch, because literally everyone in the Sonic universe is faster than Sonic. Upon being unearthed, the jewel in question - the Phantom Ruby - wasted no time in working its magic, and with its unexplained distortion efforts, it sent Sonic and Tails (and Knuckles) to Green Hill.

Also, it gave the Egg Robos more than a few nifty accessories.

The king was on his own with finding the tip of his scepter though.

Thus began a new adventure that proved to the non-believers that this franchise can in fact work beautifully when the characters have gameplay mechanics in common with each other and aren't going around picking up guns and turning into werehogs. Sonic was on a mission to get to the bottom of the Phantom Ruby shenanigans, but his upgraded opposition, dubbed the Hard-Boiled Heavies, did whatever they could to stop the hedgehog's pulse, which largely involved making use of old Badniks in refreshing and exciting new ways... much like themselves.

This is a more compelling take on Arthurian legend than the entirety of Black Knight.

All the while, Eggman carried on using the Phantom Ruby to his heart's content to make things even more difficult for our heroes, like teleporting them away as often as a Kirby final boss, and giving Metal Sonic a brand new Final Smash. Eggman planned to use the Titanic Monarch, a giant robot that made the monsters in Shadow of the Colossus look vertically challenged by comparison, to achieve his lifelong dream of taking over the world. Complications arose however, when the leader of the Heavies decided he wanted the Phantom Ruby for himself. Sadly for him, this was not an Adventure Era title, meaning Eggman actually fought back, and on equal terms at that. Sonic, with his super form, was forced to take on Eggman and the King at the same time.

In a stunning revelation, Sonic defeated them both. But not before the Phantom Ruby itself teleported the hedgehog away one last time, to a different time completely, where he would experience a different journey altogether... Then he came back, did the whole thing all over again, and now he's cracking a cold one with the boys (and King, for some reason).

Fucking 4Kids censors at it again.

The Designs: The Heavies are still Egg Robos at their core, so they share the same general body structure. Don't assume that makes them indistinguishable however, for they've been given a lot of bells and whistles that play to each of their thematic motifs, right up to their weapons of choice.

Heavy Gunner is a robo-bobby:

"You're nicked, hedgehog... But before you're sent to the chair, are there any pencils you'd like me to sharpen for you?"

Heavy Shinobi is a stealthy ninja, despite being neon green:

He speaks entirely in fortune cookies.

Heavy Magician is always dressed to impress:

These guys certainly do make me feel like magic.

Heavy Rider is a rough n' tough knight of the round table... if that table was Eggman's:

She dances when'ere she's able.

And the top dog, Heavy King, is suitably imposing without trying too hard and looking accidentally hilarious in the process, unlike certain other villains in this very series:

Why did he watermark his chest hair?

His Majesty also gained a second form during his final battle, which sacrificed his legs for size, power, and high quality Tee Lopes rips.

And a chimney for his head.

These designs already go far to give the Heavies their own sense of individual character. As you'll soon notice however, that's only half of it...

The Personalities: You can laugh all you want, but these Egg Robos in a game with no dialogue whatsoever managed to show vastly more personality than many of the villains in this franchise WITH dialogue. Look at this shit right here, and tell me they don't immediately ooze charm like it's nothing.

Pictured: Love at first sight.

And this extends to your confrontations with each of them. Gunner is crafty, and willing to sacrifice his own men to cover his ass, but the panicked look on his face when things go south for him is very relatable.

"Wait... I'm in a Sonic game...? ...For Sonic fans...? ...Oh god..."

Meanwhile, Shinobi puts up a cool and suave front, and never hesitates to go in for the kill, but he's not above playing around for the sake of his own cockiness.

Magician is a bubbly showoff, always popping up to mess with the heroes at a moment's notice. But she's also rather affable, and well-mannered to her mortal enemies.

Almost makes up for the Strangelove hands.

And Rider is perpetually in the midst of a cocaine rush, as her thirst for thrill and fun never sleeps. Yet she appears to have great affection for her pet Motobug, Jimmy.

Finally, King is a no-nonsense frowny face with a Sean Connery accent who is sick of his fellow Heavies' shit, who can nonetheless back himself up as the group's undisputed leader.

They may be fairly straightforward, but through the subtleties of their animations, there's a lot of life put into these guys, and their characters don't start and finish with their default trait like so many before them. You don't need to be Shakespeare in a Sonic game. You just need to be memorable and entertaining while fulfilling your role. And the Heavies do that with considerable ease.

The Execution: This might come as a surprise to you, but I love the shit out of the Heavies.

How can you hate this???

You have to understand that an overwhelming number of villains in this franchise not named Eggman have not only ranged from mediocre to terrible, they've also had a tendency of feeling the same as each other. When it's not a giant monster with little backstory of genuine interest, it's a guy dressed in all black who does evil for evil's sake. And that's without adding the recolours and their penchant for gaining disproportionate fandoms simply for being recolours.

Why is it, then, that a group who are all based on the same robot succeed where those villains fail?

Well, I'd argue there's a few elements at work there. The obvious one is that they're simply better implemented, and they leave an impression through their boss encounters and animations rather than whether or not they played tonsil hockey with Shadow or Amy in a fanfic. Another factor is that unlike other villains, they were never hyped up to be the Raddest, Baddest, Greatest Enemy of All Time for Sonic, and thus they didn't run the risk of not being able to live up to that claim. They were allowed to simply exist and do their own thing, as one addition to help compliment an overall package.

You could also argue that their status as a group works in their favor too, as it helps to make each of their traits pop out that little bit more. And they're honestly really clever with their strategies, like how Magician transforms into forgotten characters to spice things up, or how Shinobi's shurikens aren't actually shurikens, but rather Asterons, one of the most notorious enemies in the series. And need I mention Rider using a goddamn Motobug like it's a steed? These characters could have been very throwaway, but there's a surprising level of thought put into how each of them work, and giving them a characteristic spin that works to Sonic's tastes, and considering this is the same franchise that gave us a bad guy named Black Doom, I'd say it's worth noting.

"...Please explain why Boobie Bots Weekly is in my search history."

So yes, in this world where Dooms and Mephiles's's's's's's have been running rampant, the Hard-Boiled Heavies share their creator's honor of making a name for themselves. And as much as I have a fondness for the Deadly Six in spite of their issues (Zazz and Zor are still hilarious, fight me), I will agree without argument that the Heavies are a much better execution of the quirky boss group format on the overall side of things. And I swear to GodJesus and the Bear, if they never make a single appearance past their debut, I will be a very sad panda. If they can give Silver and his tiresome schtick countless second chances (and failing to make it interesting every single time), they can sure as hell give these juggernauts another go.

But until then, at least we still have Mania. Now if you'll excuse me, Shinobi's about to teleport behind me. Hope it's nothing personal.

Crusher Gives the Hard-Boiled Heavies a: Thumbs Up!

[purplesurveys]

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1. What did you do in 2019 that you’d never done before? Lots of different things! I had an Actual™ photoshoot :o, I celebrated my girlfriend’s dad’s birthday with their family, I touched an Adobe app and learned that I’m pretty decent at it, I had a tooth extraction, I did shisha and vape (and found out I liked them, giving me an identity crisis for a while HAHAHA), I had my internship, I was fined by a traffic officer, etc. I had lots of grownup stuff to face this year, and it was all fun.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don’t make New Year’s resolutions... if I wanted to do something I’d plan them any time of the year. Plus making them at New Year’s just gives me a whole chunk of pressure, and I’d rather not live with that pressure.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? I had a high school classmate give birth this year but I wasn’t close to her; Gabie was, though. Other than her, I don’t think there’s been anybody who had a kid in 2019.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Nacho. I still see him in everything, everyday.

5. What countries did you visit? Didn’t get to go out of the country this year. Hopefully that’ll change next year when I graduate!

6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019? I dunno, this year was already suuuuper hectic enough. I’d ask for more time to rest, but I’m literally graduating in 2020 and it will only get busier from there. The two things I’d ask for is to get to go to a different country again, and to have a road trip that isn’t going to Nasugbu for once (I’ve only had two long drives ever since I was allowed to have em, and both trips were to the same beach in Nasugbu).

7. What date from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Evening of September 28; it was when everybody was notified of Nacho’s passing. Toughest pill to swallow in my entire fucking life. My social media had never seemed so angry, so scared, so chaotic, so bleak, all at the same time. 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? If we’re gonna be serious about ‘biggest,’ then probably not killing myself. Other than that, I was pretty proud of the way I handled and performed at my internship! I was never late to get to their ORTIGAS office (a tiny traffic hellhole in Metro Manila), I had a good relationship with everyone, and on my evaluations I saw that my supervisor wrote a lot of nice things :)

9. What was your biggest failure? I was a bad girlfriend on significant occasions. I also have two classes this sem in which my final grades are going to be held back because of supposed ‘deficiencies’ – but honestly I blame that on the prof because I think she held back final grades FROM EVERYONE ON ALL HER CLASSES this semester. Seriously, if you do that as a prof, don’t you think the problem is you and not us? I won’t call it a failure on my end, but I am pissed about it and needed a space to vent.

Another failure would be never getting to take out Gab’s mom out on a date. I already took her dad to an MMA pay-per-view and we had a lot of fun, but have never been able to do the same for her mom just yet. I really need to step up next year.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I had a bad slip in school early this year and I sprained my ankle. There was also one day I felt bad enough to have to skip class but it never became a full-blown fever, so I don’t know what that was.

11. What was the best thing you bought? I bought tooooooons of new tops this year and totally upgraded my wardrobe, so I was really happy about that. The other is a day pass to a beach resort in Nasugbu that I went to with Gab, Angela, and Sofie.

12. Where did most of your money go? Food to keep myself in school. That and gas.

13. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Lots of things...I mean 2019 was a long-ass year. There was turning into a senior, doing my internship, getting invited to Gabie’s dad’s birthday dinner, going to my first few events to get me accustomed to the PR world, seeing my senior friends graduate college, I also went back to the National Museum this year so that was great, the aforementioned Nasugbu trip, etc etc blahblah.

14. What song will always remind you of 2019? Wonderwall by Oasis or Buwan by Juan Karlos, both because of Nacho. 15. Compared to this time last year, are you: Happier or sadder? Older or wiser? Thinner or fatter? Richer or poorer? (I don’t earn money yet, lol)

16. What do you wish you’d done more of? Seeing Angela. I probably saw her a grand total of 10 times this year, which is pretty fucking tragic.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of? [trigger warning: self-harm] Hurting myself. It’s been a while since I’ve seen my skin clean for a full year.

18. How did you spend Christmas? We will be spending Christmas Eve with one of my grand-aunts’ family. My mom is very close with her cousins on that side plus family from Vietnam is also coming over, so a get-together is certainly happening. On Christmas Day, we’d be spending the day with my mom’s sister-in-law’s family. They have a giant house and host the best party games which is why we like hanging out there. We’d spend the day with ALL of these people, but my grand-aunt and my tita (mom’s sister-in-law) have some weird friction going on so they can’t ever be in the same gathering lmfao.

19. What was your favorite TV program? I resurrected my love for Breaking Bad mostly because El Camino came out this year, but I definitely watched Friends the most. I have it on autoplay on Netflix 12-14 hours at a time these days because Netflix is taking it out on the 31st.

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Yes, the aforementioned professor who gave me two Incomplete marks this semester. Last year, she was just my enlistment adviser; now she’s a witch who is keeping me from having a decent Christmas.

I also stopped talking to my younger brother around February or March after he slapped me in the face, so there’s that. No plans to forgive him or talk to him any time soon whatsoever.

23. What was the best book you read? I didn’t read a lot this year :( 2019 was all about readings for my classes.

24. What was your greatest musical discovery? THE JAPANESE HOUSE. Without a shadow of a doubt.

25. What did you want and get? My dog living another year, my relationship still healthy and intact, good grades, my teeth finally treated hahaha, new members in my org!

26. What did you want and not get? Courage on my end to go to a therapist or psychiatrist. More travel.

27. What was your favorite film of this year? Portrait of a Lady on Fire will easily take the cake. That was just breathtaking.

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I spent it internally disappointed in Gab for not making it. Outwardly, my mom took us out for sushi (my request) for lunch, then we went home and in the evening, Angela and I went to Feliz so we can have Yabu for dinner then played at Timezone until the mall closed. Not a birthday I want to remember but Angela went above and beyond to give me a good time, and that I’ll always appreciate.

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? More opportunities and time to travel. I mean we did go out of town a lot, but I just can’t get enough of travelling to different places.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2019? Chic with a hint of haggard.

31. What kept you sane? My dog, my orgmates, my best friends, and good food.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Kristen Stewart.

33. What issue stirred you the most? Duterte as a person is just one big fucking issue that riles everybody up in this country. I’m just waiting for him to die.

34. Who did you miss? Nacho.

35. Who was the best new person you met? My social history professor, Ma’am Luisa. I had always wanted to take a class that she handled, and she went above and beyond my expectations. I’m taking another class of hers next sem – history of women in the Philippines – so that ought to be fun. :)

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019: Call-out culture is bullshit. I haven’t done it much since Nacho passed, but I wish it did not take me this long to realize how bad of a strategy it is. 

People who mourned him went back to their old habits soon enough and are again publicly shaming people whenever they make a misstep on social media, and it’s embarrassing and infuriating.