#also they repeat themselves a lot lol. so much using the word worry or happy over and over again

[multishipper-baby]

I finally decided to try out character AI and it was honestly such a good decision. Not because of the roleplay aspect, exactly, but to gauge how far AI is when it comes to writing. And I can safely say it's still a while until it can make things on its own.

[yuurivoice]

Hi yv! I just wanted to send a message saying how much I love your content and I have for years. It's been amazing to see your channel grow and I'm one of your biggest fans!! I used to sub to the patreon but life goes hard and I haven't been able to for a while. The latest auron video has been practically on repeat for me and I really just wanted to say I hope you have a wonderful day and happy holidays!!! Give all the kitties a kiss on the forehead for me pls!

Thank you for the kind words! No worries about whether or not you're a Patreon sub, I certainly appreciate the support but always want people to put themselves first so don't sweat that and I hope you kick life's ass! Also, sending me a kind message is a pretty great way to support in its own right, so I'm genuinely appreciative!

The cats will most definitely be smooched, and I'll pass along a note that it's from a kind Anon!

It's been a wild few years, huh? Making the leap from the Tumblr days to the YouTube era was a big one, but the past 4 years were where I really started to find my footing and I think there's been a lot of growth creatively and personally.

Things have been moving in the right direction despite some personal road bumps and detours. Looking back, there's a lot of things I wish I could have accomplished and kept afloat while working through everything. Still dealing with the guilt of BitterSweet and Shattered not being a thing this year, particularly for all the ride or die Alphonse and Seth fans who have been starving for content while I've been hesitant to push out content for them because the big series wasn't coming.

Thankfully, most people have been supportive, kind, and understanding. That being said, I'm not ignorant to the nature of my content (growing roster of characters = someone's fave isn't getting posted for a while) and I'm doubly thankful to those who have been chill as other characters get established and have their time in the sun.

I'm really hopeful that in the coming year, balance and scheduling and planning are all finely tuned and help me avoid content traffic jams like we've run into such as the recent Charlie Era (lol) which wasn't exactly the plan, but with October AU series + Plushie + Lost & Found all aligning it sorta just worked out that way. Also, it bears mentioning that it's not every day that a side character who was not guaranteed to catch on as A Thing (TM) actually finds an audience and has significant demand. Sometimes you gotta roll with how things play out, and that's just the nature of creating content on social media.

I'm optimistic that things will be at least a LITTLE bit more balanced thanks to ADHD treatment and seeing huge improvements with my mental health. Which can't be understated, because holy shit, the amount of things I'm just able to do without feeling like I'm holding myself at gunpoint or making a million deals with myself to convince myself to do a single task is amazing.

Not only is it easier to get to work, it's easier to do more of the work. That Auron audio you referenced is a great example. I was worried with the script I had and the premise, I wouldn't be able to get much more than 9/10 minutes out of it. The length of my general audios is something I've been conscious of forever, so I was shocked and thrilled when I finished up with the recording and it was 24 minutes of some of my favorite Auron content ever. I'm getting more comfortable improvising, or creating more as I go vs. write, record, post. I'm able to do a little more, add things that I would normally omit or not bother with, and just try harder without feeling like I'm trying harder and purely because I'm enjoying it and I want to.

I am SO sorry that this turned into a rant in response to what was a fairly straightforward question, you caught me while I was feeling introspective.

tldr: Thanks for fuckin' with me. Folks like you make me want to work hard and deliver the goods. The kindness goes a long way, and I don't take that for granted!

[strawberrybuni]

🧵 anon here just wanted to say I hope your having an amazing day you are genuinely so cool and an amazing writer <3

Also regarding your recent post (I hope im not overstepping here, please feel free to ignore or tell me to mind my business lol I will not be offended) I wouldn’t worry too much about being seen as rude- i have an auditory processing disorder so I miss people talking to me or need them to repeat themselves all the time and I’ve found that people usually get that it’s not an intentional thing just a mistake if you just let them know you didn’t hear them and are not ignoring them on purpose.

I’ve found headphones are fairly easy to explain and a lot of people like to wear them in public so I’m sure most understand and I doubt anyone thinks youre rude for it (especially seeing as it is a common honest mistake) unless they’re weird about manners or kind of a dick or something in which case I don’t have an answer tbh

If you want it to be more clear that you are listening to music you could try getting some cheap overear headphones as they tend to be more visible though some people find them uncomfortable to wear.

PS re-reading some of your old stuff (the one with asking the jjk characters about a bite mark tattoo) and the reader calling Mahito a biter made me giggle really hard and also I 100% agree that’s something he’d do. Also sweet gods your dialogue is all so in character and widely varied character to character in ways that fit really perfectly and I also like the way you write the reader themself quite a lot and good lord you are so good at this I am impressed every time I re read your work

(Feel like I should mention I am very sleepy rn so this message may or may not be totally coherent, but yeah I hope you are taking care of yourself and doing well and though just hearing someone else say it isn’t super helpful I do honestly find that most people are usually not judging you for small things as much as you think especially if there is a clear and reasonable explanation which there 100% is in this case <3)

(Also again I hope I’m not overstepping or anything and I hope my sleepy brain didn’t phrase any of this in an accidentally rude way or something; my ability to convey tone goes down 100% when im sleepy but I just wanted to let you know that I doubt you are being judged and I know just being told that doesn’t solve the issue or anything but might be good to hear? Idk im gonna stop talking I think I might be starting to repeat myself now lol)

(Also sorry this got so long lol)

I swear you always know how to make me go 🥺 I hope you're having an even MORE amazing day!!

oh you're not overstepping at all!!! I always get so worried ugh, I think what doesn't help is that I use earbuds, and I have fluffy curly hair that covers my ears so people can't see if I'm wearing headphones or not(it's how I've gotten away with it at work and in class teehee), but you're right usually when I'm like OMG IM SORRY I HAD HEADPHONES IN they're always very understanding! I just overthink 🥺

no bc mahito is SO a biter like omg, but thank you so much for your kind words 🥹 I'm really happy you like how i write my reader! maybe other writers can relate, but my reader is very much myself tbh, like some of my friends who know of my blog have read some of my stuff and been like "why is that literally a conversation we've had?" LOL

you can thank my one short film teacher for teaching me his tips and tricks when it comes to writing dialog for scripts fr fr, I learned from him :3

also also don't apologize! I deeply enjoy hearing what you have to say 🫶🏻

[dreamkidddream]

I absolutely loved the doll! mc one with the brothers and diavolo. Could I ask for the same idea with the rest of the undateables and luke? If it isn't too much though. Thank you very much, don't forget to take care of yourself and stay hydrated!

I’m glad you enjoyed the first part!! I hope you’re staying safe through this pandemic and that you’re drinking plenty of water. I’m so happy that people liked the Doll!MC scenario so much (it even became one of my top posts and I was NEVER expecting that to happen 😳 click here to read it with the Bros and Diavolo). I got an UR card for Barbatos today and immediately thought back to this scenario cause I was just imagining the different situations with Doll!MC. Hope you enjoy!

Also, Luke’s part is strictly platonic, just FYI!

The Undateables (Minus Diavolo) with Doll!MC

Barbatos

Let me just say, you make this man’s day so much better

Your presence is just so calming for him. You could just be standing there (which is heavily enforced in the kitchen), not doing anything, and he would still be fully relaxed

Definitely loves you being in the kitchen with him, and will find ways to invite you so that you guys can spend time together

“MC, the young master has a tea party planned for this afternoon, and I’m afraid I may need your assistance to help prepare.”

“But Barb, I thought you didn’t want me touching anything-”

“I don’t want you touching anything that can cause you harm. I can easily handle the labor, but I do have a task for you...”

Cue to you sitting perfectly still and taste testing his sweets

“Barb, are you sure that I’m helping you like this? I don’t want to be useless to you!”

“Nonsense, MC. This is perfect. I needed someone with an exceptional palette, and you’re just the right person for me.”

Just you and him, and his sweet creations. What more could he ask for?

Maybe being in a relationship with you, but he is very sure that it’s going to be happening in the near future...and he didn’t even have to use his powers to know that

He stares at you a lot. He can’t help it, he loves to just admire you!

Barbatos is the type of guy where he doesn’t have to rely on words to express his love. His love language is acts of service: packing you lunch and extra sweets every week, giving you recipes that he wouldn’t even share with Luke, and gifting you mini accessories that you can wear with your outfits!

He gave you this adorable three-legged crow holding a cupcake hairpin and you’ve been wearing it ever since

He tries to hide his blush everytime he sees you and now he has to work even harder because of the pin lmao

HAVING YOUR OWN TEA PARTIES WEEKLY

You both have a designated day and time where you don’t plan anything in order to have your own tea parties

No Diavolo, no noisy demon brothers, no other exchange students (sorry Luke). Just you and him, enjoying each other’s company and him basking in your glow

If someone did try to harm you, he would already know of it and properly disposes of the problem. Lord Diavolo can’t afford to have any issues interfering with the exchange program, and he can’t afford to have anything happen to you so...no harm no foul, right?

Please continue to do what you’re doing MC. Stare at him with your bright, doe eyes and give him that lively smile everytime. It makes his day go by much easier, especially since he knows that you’ll still be there, waiting for him with your own desserts and that smile reserved just for him

Simeon

Was convinced that you were an angel

Lowkey still convinced that you’re an angel

Really, you just look so...angelic

Wasn’t upset when you revealed that you were in fact human; he was happy because this meant that he could show you around the Celestial Realm!

Speaking of Celestial Realm, be prepared for Simeon to be your very own personal tour guide everytime. This could be your 50th time up there and he’ll still try to point new things out

“And over here is-”

“Michael’s favorite resting place, since the lilies always seem to bloom whenever he’s around,” you giggled. “I remember Simeon, you tell me this everytime we visit!”

He’s a tad embarrassed

“Forgive me, MC. It seems that I get so elated over the fact that you’re here with me, I tend to repeat some things over.”

“That’s okay! I still have fun with you everytime!”

Oh MC, you’re too adorable!

Which causes him to worry over you. While he knows that the brothers and Diavolo (along with Barbatos) wouldn’t dare cause you any distress, the same couldn’t be said for the other demons lurking around, both in and out of RAD

But not to fear, Simeon your friendly guardian angel is here!

I am so sorry for the rhyme lmao

He may not have been personally assigned to you, but that doesn’t mean he can just let anything happen to you! He’s only doing his heavenly duties in protecting you! He’s also being a good friend by watching over you too, his little lamb

He wouldn’t attack anyone, but if he made a complaint or a very serious concern to the right person (Lucifer or Diavolo), consider the problem handled

You have your own tea time as well, and Luke would join you sometimes. But, every now and then, Luke would have to finish some homework or study, or Barbatos would miraculously call for him at the castle, or if it was just too late and Luke just had to go to sleep, then it would just be you two. Sitting by the fireplace, discussing matters ranging from RAD to your life in the human world, drinking tea that you would take turns preparing

Not to mention the downright dainty little cakes you would bring. One time you brought him angel cakes and he found so lighthearted and precious that he requested you bring them everytime, just for him

May or may not base a character in his new story around you

Simeon wants to shield you from the horrors that are surrounding you both. You’re so pure, he just wants you safe. From the way that you would dress to the way that your eyes would just look so amazed and innocent at him, he just knows that he needs to watch over you, always. The brothers do get a little wary when they see how much time you do spend at Purgatory Hall, but they know that Simeon couldn’t possibly have feelings for you, and you were always so giddy after leaving there, they couldn’t bring themselves to say anything

And Simeon knew that he was starting to feel more than he should. He couldn’t profess his love for you now in risk of falling, but he can wait until you get your wings. Just imagining you in your cute little Ceslestial Realm outfit (which he hopes still mimicked your current style) with your very own beaming halo was enough to keep him waiting and to make sure that you stayed on the right path

He deemed that you were worth the wait

Luke

BFFs! BFFs!

When he first saw you he could just cry

Someone innocent like you got sent down here with these monsters?! He had to keep you safe!!!

Simeon thought you were angel and then realized that you were not; Luke thought you were an angel and refused to believe that you weren’t

You didn’t have it in you to burst his bubble so soon, so you just let him run with it until Simon broke the news

It was like telling a kid that Santa Claus wasn’t real; you can only imagine how Luke took the revelation

Not well from what Solomon told you. Simeon kept saying he just needs some time to process things, and you just felt so awful about the whole thing

Which lead to you bringing him so much sweets that it made Beel jealous and very upset

But we all know how Beel can be around food, so it wasn’t a huge surprise. He chased you around all day and you had to use your pact to get him to stop!

And you promised to make him double the sweets in he forgave you so all is well

Luke was still obviously sad, but he wasn’t going to stay sad forever. Especially not after you brought this many sweets just for him!

Lucifer was not a happy demon when Simeon arrived at the HoL’s doorstep with you groaning and clutching your stomach. And Solomon took so many pictures of Luke while he passed out from his sugar high that he dedicated a whole album in his phone to it

Favorite activity to do together: Baking! (Obviously)

Trading recipes, shopping for ingredients together, baking things for each other to try (where really it was just to have double the desserts)

When you two are in the kitchen together, no one else is allowed (except for Simeon, but only if he’s looking and not touching). It’s now MC and Luke time, everybody else is gonna have to wait!

Luke only wants you to do the the activities that he sees as harmless: which is everything that doesn’t include sharp items and anything else that can hurt you

“MC get away from that! That can seriously hurt you! Let me get it for you instead!

“Luke, honey, it’s just an oven it’s not my first time using one-”

Too late, he already took it out of your hands into his own, mitts already on

Speaking of oven mitts

You guys have matching aprons and mitts!!

Barbatos may be a little bit jealous, but he likes the bond that you two have. And he knows that Luke won’t be a romantic rival so he’s alright lol

Luke is your deemed protector/bodyguard, and he proudly wears the title since no one bothers you because of him (or so he thinks). Everyone makes fun of him calling him a chihuahua, but jokes on him, when Luke complains, he complains

Won’t take long for Simeon or even one of the brothers to pick up on his whines complaints if he thinks someone is bothering you

Luke believes that while he’s small, he can protect you and try to keep you free from danger. He may be young, but he sees himself as the older brother out of you both (even though it’s really you being the older sibling and him being the baby). Always looking out for you especially since you’re too fragile to be left alone!

You’re one of the only people that genuinely likes him and don’t make fun of him. You’re dear to him MC, please don’t ever change!

Also, he definitely talks to Michael about you all the time so excitedly and sends him sweets that you both made together. Michael is a proud dad at this point

Solomon

Knew you wasn’t a doll but loved to tease you about being one anyway

Was there a spell that can really turn you into a doll? You wouldn’t mind if he tried it out on you, right MC?

Don’t tempt him please because he WILL do it

“Tell me, MC. Hypothetically speaking, if I were to purchase-”

“No Solomon, you can’t shrink me down to fit me into a dollhouse, no matter how nice it sounds. Besides, I can’t bake in a dollhouse, the oven wouldn’t work!”

“I can fix that.”

You’re very amusing to him for some reason. Was it because of how doll-like you are? The fairytale way that you dressed? How you were still human and was able to live with seven of the most powerful demons and not die? Maybe it’s the way that you still radiated such positivity despite being in literal Hell?

Honestly all of the above

TEACHING HIM HOW TO COOK/BAKE

Poor Solomon doesn’t realize that his cooking isn’t...the best

And you took the best approach in helping him atleast cook something that looks edible

You didn’t say his cooking was disgusting like some people (literally everyone else), so he took that you giving him lessons was a date of sorts

He wasn’t complaining. Your time spent in the kitchen was scenes straight of a romcom (no matter how cheesy it sounds); his arms wrapped around your waist and dotting icing on your pretty nose

May or may not have licked some icing off of you at one point, will definitely do it again

Solomon is a very confident man, borderline arrogant (Oh who am I kidding he IS arrogant). So yes, while people may see you as an easy target, he’s here to remind them that you’re not. And that if they want to try, chances are they won’t be walking away in one piece

He’s powerful, too powerful in fact. He may not be the strongest physically, but if even the entire student council recognizes his knowledge and what he’s capable of, no one should be dumb enough to test him (keyword: try)

But he wouldn’t mind showing off if it’s for you

You’re one of the only beings to ever peak Solomon’s interest genuinely. Yes, he loved to tease and bug you whenever he pleased, but you also made him want to come around you more and more. He was drawn to you, and that doesn’t happen a lot with him (at least without ulterior motives)

*coughcough* making pacts *coughcough*

You were the only thing that made Solomon feel weak, but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Don’t get him wrong, he’s still The Greatest Sorcerer, but he couldn’t help but feel himself get weak in the knees when you gazed at him with so much sincerity. He loves it and loves you

Once your back in the human world, he’s going to be so selfish with you. I mean, he already kinda was now, but this time there won’t be any interruptions or distractions around to take your attention

Us humans have to stick together, and what better way to stick together than to be together, wouldn’t you say MC?

[hiccstrxd]

Heaven is you

This was an idea i had for Rayla's birthday and the outline seemed too wholesome to not do it lol. It has family feels and rayllum being soft as always. Read it on ao3.

Summary: Rayla always remembers her past birthdays with fondness. But this one in particular has brought her an abundant amount of joy, filling her heart with the purest of loves.

Or a recollection of Rayla’s birthdays through the years.

i.

Rayla always remembers her past birthdays with fondness.

She recalls being four and waking up to her mum’s soft voice in her ear, a happy birthday, my love being lovingly murmured in the air. She would pretend that she was asleep, cracking one eye open from time to time and doing her best to contain in her laughter as her mother would start to rub her hair soothingly to wake her up. But she would burst into a fit of giggles before her mum could say anything else — even though Rayla is pretty sure she saw past her flimsy excuse of a stoic facade — and her mother would start to laugh alongside her, tickling her belly and asking her when has her little moonbeam gotten this sneaky.

She hadn’t, obviously.

She’d scoop her in her arms and they would go downstairs where her dad would be cooking her favorite breakfast — he’d always go all out when it was her birthday. And he’d see them still laughing as they approached, he’d see them — his two favorite people ever — and he’d come up to them, lifting her in his arms and making her laugh, telling her that today she chose what they would do because today was all hers. Because he’d move earth and sky for his tiny warrior.

And she remembers the glimmer in her mum’s eyes, her father’s beaming smile, her own expression mirroring theirs; she remembers feeling loved, safe, and content.

ii.

Rayla recalls being eleven and coming back after nearly an entire day of training to a cake on the dining table, a sole candle lit on its center, and a neatly folded paper resting beside it. It was rather late, her whole body ached as the practice had been a vigorous one, but upon seeing the homemade gateau she no longer felt the ever consuming exhaustion. No, she felt lighter, more at ease.

Ethari had been sporting the warmest of smiles, his eyes showing every bit of love towards his foster daughter who they had come to care for as their own. Runaan had walked over to where his husband was and stood right next to him, somehow matching his emotion almost instantly — he had been sort of tense before leaving the meadow — and they had wished her the happiest of birthdays, holding her tightly in their embrace, muttering words of comfort and pride and love.

She remembers thinking that there was still a void in her heart as the aftermath of her parents’ absence, but being there surrounded by her two guardians that loved her an abundant amount and whom she loved as much in return, that showed her day after day their support and their care was enough to bring her solace.

She had felt love all the same.

And she always looked forward to reading her parents’ letter at the end of the end. The words were like a warm hug from afar. She became misty-eyed and held the letter close to her heart for hours as if she was keeping her parents in a safe place near her heart.

iii.

She recalls being sixteen and sitting alone in the Xadian forest. She had been wounded and restless, tired and alone. Everywhere and everything hurt, but ironically she had felt numb from head to toe. Somewhere in the back of her mind she vaguely remembered what that day was supposed to be.

And the bittersweet afterthought made matters worse because then the pang in her chest was just a little too hard to ignore.

Rayla had felt cold and empty, being alone with her thoughts was as harmful as it sounded and the unbecoming urge to cry was getting hard to suppress. But she ended up shedding tears, letting them fall freely as they have been welling up and contained in since much too long ago.

It was her birthday, and she had tried to forget it, making herself not feel, perhaps then the pain would subdue.

It hadn’t.

iv.

It was her birthday and she couldn’t get the royal physician’s words out of her head. They were spinning, echoing, repeating themselves. And she felt equal amounts of excitement and trepidation all at once.

Congratulations Your Highness, you’re with child.

They have been trying, of course, they have, so the news shouldn’t be such a surprise to hear that their efforts had actually turned out fructiferous. But they have, and she didn’t know how to assimilate them without cutting the appointment short and leaving a very confused physician behind, one who was patiently waiting for a reaction out of her.

Because she was excited and elated and so beyond happy that it was taking a lot of willpower to remain seated and not run off to find Callum.

“Your Highness? Is everything all right?”

She blinked, “Of course.” Rayla offered them a smile. How could it not be, honestly?

And after a couple of recommendations and how they’d like to see her in the span of a few weeks — after all, the babe was still a halfling and the pregnancy was to be monitored constantly for that matter — they bid her goodbye with another well-meaning congratulation on the way.

Rayla couldn’t help the fast pace in which she was walking nor the beaming smile from breaking out.

“Oh, there you are! I’ve been looking nonstop for you. What did the physician say?” She heard Callum’s voice round the corner; the worried tone of her husband of three years was enough to make her smile deepened because he was just the sweetest person ever and she just knows that he’s going to be the best father out there.

And the mere thought was enough to make her heart burst with adoration.

He took a couple of steps forward and placed one hand on her cheek, gently rubbing his thumb back and forth, “Are you all right?”

“I’m pregnant.”

The words left her mouth before she had time to catch herself, before she had any time to dwell on how to tell him, but after they were out, she knows that there was no better way, no better time. Because seeing those expressive, loving eyes widen in realization, going through every emotion in the span of a second, how his hand stilled its movement on her cheek and how she heard his breath catch in his throat was as heartwarming as if she’d had outlined a grander plan in advance to break the big news to him.

“Really?” He whispered, barely audible.

She hummed.

“You are pregnant?”

She hummed again.

“There’ll be a tiny, perfect mix of the both of us in a couple of months?”

Rayla nodded unable to keep the grin off her face, her arms coming upwards to lace them loosely around his neck and raising herself on her tiptoes to breath small kisses across his cheek — damn those two inches he had gained on her. Their chests were pressed together, and she felt the deep rumble in his chest that soon turned into a peal of boisterous laughter that surely could be heard through the entire hallway. The sound was too contagious to not let out one of her own.

His arms came to encircle her waist, engulfing her in a tight hug, both of them shaking with laughter and happiness and pure delight.

“We’re having a baby.”

“We are.”

They pulled back slightly, faces inches away from each other’s, noses brushing against one another, breaths mingling in their shared space. She wanted to capture this blissful moment in a picture.

And then his lips slowly curved into a smug grin.

“Don’t.” Rayla raised a single brow, looking pointedly at him because she knew where his mind had headed in a matter of seconds. And because she also remembers rather vividly exactly what he had thought about — it had been a very nice anniversary gift, after all. It had carried the promise of fervent love, a burning passion, and a couple’s desire of at last starting a family.

He let out an amused laugh, “I didn’t even say anything!”

“You didn’t have to, I practically saw you thinking about it!” She rolled her eyes playfully and crossed her arms over her chest, letting out a huff in faux disbelief at her husband’s antics. They locked gazes, grass green meeting amethyst violet, a glimmer in both of them. They couldn’t help the small laugh thereafter.

His eyes softened as the laughter ceased, pulling her closer by the waist and planting one tender kiss on the lips, feeling all the love conveyed in such a small action and trying to reciprocate as much as she was receiving.

“I love you.” She said lovingly when they parted, her hands coming up to cup his jaw in a light grasp.

He brought one hand to his lips, kissing the underside softly, “I adore you.”

Rayla knows that it wouldn’t be easy, parenting — motherhood— never was as the rising self-doubts, the exhaustion of both mind and body, the anxiety of diving into the unknown, and all the possible mistakes that were bound to be made. But, she thinks, as long as they have each other — and everyone else who has been there for that matter — this baby would be raised with abundant love and affection. She'd make sure of it.

It was superfluous to say that this birthday by far had brought her one of her greatest joys. A surprise that couldn’t be topped by any other.

[pompompurin1028]

hi kat !! i always enjoy hearing your thoughts and feelings about dazai so i’m here to dump a question inspired by some brain rot

how do you feel about self sacrifice 🤔?

yes i know it’s a pretty random and vague question lol but lemme try to explain. in the beast au, dazai initially sacrifices himself so that oda can live. many find that comforting, and many don’t. personally, i don’t find self sacrifice comforting but that’s besides the point.

in the main universe, we know that dazai dislikes people who pity themselves and in a way that can be tied to atsushi (someone who sacrifices his life to save others). self sacrifice can also be seen in akutagawa during the times he’s tried to gain dazai’s acknowledgment. this really made me wonder: even though atsushi, akutagawa and beast dazai all sacrifice themselves for different reasons—it’s still self sacrifice. i’m guessing beast dazai has knowledge of the canon universe characters so that kinda makes him a hypocrite.

so i guess my question is, do you find self sacrifice comforting? is it something you find beauty in? especially the way dazai has sacrificed so much for odasaku 🤔

also none of this is very serious so don’t feel intimidated ajajsjw 😭

Thank you for the ask Rai! And it makes me so happy to know that you enjoy hearing my thoughts, it means a lot to me! And don't worry I'm alright haha, this because this is a very interesting topic and I wanted to think more on it! And don’t worry if it is not serious, I love these thing haha, so I’ll give you a long answer anyways because I have a tendency to overwrite, my apologies😅.

Self-sacrifice itself is already very interesting, because when we talk about this act, are we truly sacrificing ourselves and the things we have? I mean yes, perhaps we are sacrificing our time, some things of ourselves, and as you had said even their lives to do something. But then, we should also think are we (or they in this case) at any point trying to gain from it as well? Is it a true ‘self-sacrifice’ in which we do not gain anything in return? Is it subtly an act of selfishness in itself? (Dazai-sensei would be critical of me saying this haha he commented on such a thing before :”)). Anyways, as I said, Dazai-sensei himself had actually commented on a similar thing himself in one of the Chinese translated books that I read from him. He wrote that: 

奉獻或謙讓或俠義這類美德,早就把「於己有利」這個慾念像蛋蛋一樣隱藏在皮膚皺褶中了.... 人們把射中弱點 (如果換個較風雅的說法,那就像是肩頭留下的一片樹葉)的那支箭稱為誠實無偽,極力讚美。但是與其攻擊那種明顯可見的弱點,明知弱點的存在卻故意射歪,讓對方感到你其實知道,而且自己還一派無辜地嘀咕著失手了,好似真的甚麼也不明白,這樣不也挺有意思嗎?

It says, (my translation so there might be errors). "Virtues such as devotion (also carries a bit of a sacrificial meaning as the meaning of the word can also mean the act 'offering up something'), modesty and chivalry have long hidden the desire of “self interest” in the folds of its skin.... People call the arrow that hits their weak point (if you put it in a more elegant way, it's like a leaf that is left on the shoulder) as absolute honesty, and praise it highly. But to attack the obvious weakness, knowing that the weakness exists, deliberately shooting it wrongly, so that the other party feels that you actually know it, and then mumble innocently that you missed, as if you really don't understand anything, isn’t it very interesting?"

So judging from this perspective, let us look at the three characters again. Dazai in the beast au sacrifices himself to save Oda, it is because he wants Oda to live, that is his desire. I hadn’t read beast yet, but we know just how much Oda means to Dazai, so perhaps this was simply something done out of his own ‘selfishness’. Similarly to Atsushi (but I’m not saying we don’t see him genuinely sacrificing himself to save others we can see that in the beginning of the series), Atsushi saves people because he wants someone to give him a reason to live through doing so and sacrificing himself. Akutagawa is also similar to Atsushi in this way, risking himself and his health because he wishes Dazai would give him validation that he is strong enough to live on. In the main universe Dazai is also similar in this sense, leaving the mafia in order to go on a new path to find himself and find a reason to live. (if you want more on this you can find it on this post x). And honestly, this all also kinda fits Oda’s last words of ‘people live to save themselves’.

What I love about BSD from what I’ve seen so far, is all the characters in BSD are both selfish and selfless in this sense (as said by the op of the post I linked). And in this case, it makes my view on self-sacrifice in BSD conflicted. Personally, I don’t like self-sacrifice as a means to redeem a character, or just sacrificing yourself for the sake of it, for being a ‘hero’. But in BSD it is not really so... In a way, most of the characters, except Beast! Dazai are sacrificing themselves to find a reason to live, which although is ironic and hypocritical it is undoubtly human.

As for Dazai being a hypocrite because he doesn’t like people who pity themselves is quite an interesting perspective! Because in my eyes, I have always saw that as a scene in which Dazai speaking from his own experience, knowing that doing so would only hurt yourself in the end. It honestly reminds me of Dazai-sensei actually. From what I’ve read, Dazai-sensei is often described as self-abased, it can be seen in some of his works as well :’), in his work The Thinking Reed (which is in Chinese) he often looks down on himself for being a weak person. But at the same time, people would also describe him an arrogant person for always chasing this ‘truth, beauty and goodness’ in this world, but he also recognizes that he is not a good person, that he is very ‘sinful’ and cannot ‘forgive’ himself, and some say that this lead to his downfall. Although we don’t know what Dazai thinks, but from what Dazai-sensei feels, I assume that Dazai might feel similar in such a way. So to me, that part is not so much that he doesn’t like such people, but rather using his own experiences to warn Atsushi not to repeat his own mistakes. 

[riversofmars]

OR Thirteen wants to marry River - her previous self did the marrying but thirteen wants to do it herself thd proper way so travels to ask the ponds permission for their daughters hand in marriage ❤️

Thank you for a brilliant prompt! It got a little out of hand but what else is new lol. River is finally getting the wedding she deserves. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Ship: River/Thirteen

Rating: G

Word count: 4500

The Wedding of River Song

“So where are we going?“ River followed the Doctor around the TARDIS console as she was setting coordinates.

“Wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you.“ The Doctor grinned and pulled the lever to set them going.

“Well, will you at least tell me how to dress?“ River pouted crossing her arms in front of her chest. Her wife usually gave her some indication as to what sort of outfit would be suitable. Turning up to a safari in an evening gown was a mistake she intended to only make once. Today, for Valentine’s Day, however, the Doctor was being very secretive indeed.

“Don’t worry about that, got that covered as well…“ The Doctor winked and River sighed:

“Sweetie…“

“Just trust me, okay? It’s not quite time for our date yet. We need to make a quick couple of stops.“ The Doctor revealed as the TARDIS landed.

“It’s Valentine’s Day and you’re telling me you’ve got some other engagements before our date?“ River retorted trying her best not to show her annoyance too much.

“Yeah. Sort of.“ The Doctor scratched the back of her head, feeling a little nervous.

“Do you see how that doesn’t exactly thrill me?“ River raised her eyebrows with a sigh. The Doctor had never been particularly good at doing romance. She had gotten a little better since she had turned into a woman. She had, after all, made the effort to save River from the Library and reunite them in linear time but romance still wasn’t her strong suit.

“Well, yes but it’s not like you’ll be waiting in the TARDIS while I arrange things… plus, you’ll have company, don’t worry, you’ll have a good time!“ The Doctor grinned at her with excitement. She was bursting to tell her what she had planned but then, it wouldn’t be a surprise. After all this time, after everything they’d been through, she deserved something special and she was determined to give it to her. She was not about to ruined it when she had gone through so much effort to make today happen.

“Doctor…“ River groaned in annoyance, all she wanted to do was go for a candle light dinner. Was that really too much to ask?

“You trust me right.“ The Doctor stepped up to her wife and took her hands in hers.

“Unfortunately.“ River rolled her eyes.

“And you love me?“ The Doctor continued, her expression hopeful.

“I’m afraid so.“ River gave her a half-smile. She just couldn’t stay angry with her for long.

“Then do this for me, for Valantine’s, trust me that I’ve got something brilliant planned, just need to sort a few things out, okay?“ The Doctor smiled pressing a kiss to the top of her hands.

“You literally have a time machine, you could have sorted all of this out before now.“ River chuckled shaking her head at her. Why was she in love with such a chaotic idiot?

“Not really, it’s complicated, you’ll see. But there is something I need you to do as well, come on.“ The Doctor pulled her along to the door.

“You are making even less sense than usual, Sweetie.“ River huffed as she followed reluctantly. They stepped out of the TARDIS and found themselves in the front room of 13 Paternoster Row in 19th century London.

“Madame Vastra?“ River looked around confused as she spotted the mistress of the house head towards her with a smile. “Jenny?“ Vastra was accompanied by her wife and maid Jenny Flint who gave them a big smile as well. They had clearly been waiting for them.

“You’re a bit late, Doctor, we’ll have to rush to make the appointment.“ Vastra scolded but not unkindly.

“Sorry, it wasn’t easy to convince her.“ The Doctor smiled apologetically.

“Appointment. What…“ River looked from Vastra to the Doctor and back again. What was going on?

“Don’t worry, Professor, we will have a wonderful time, champagne?“ Vastra offered as Jenny went to the drinks cabinet and poured three glasses.

“Well, don’t mind if I do.“ River wasn’t one to refuse a glass of champagne but she was still confused as to what was going on. “Will someone tell me what’s going on here?“ She asked as she took the glass offered to her.

“Absolutely not.“ The Doctor grinned. “I’ll see you shortly.“ She kissed her wife’s cheek and before River could argue she skipped back into the TARDIS and threw the door shut.

“I feel like I’m missing something.“ River shook her head a little to herself as she watched the TARDIS disappear.  

“Thus is the nature of surprises, Professor, but you will figure it out soon enough, I’m sure.“ Vastra smiled and took a sip of her champagne as well. “Strax, bring the carriage round, we must get going.“

——

“Is that…“ Amy stuck her head out of the kitchen. Was she imagining the wheezing and groaning noise that seemed to be coming from outside or could it be that finally, the Doctor was returning after faking his death? Rory had already walked up to the window and pushed the curtains outside to look out into the garden.

“I think it is!“ Rory looked around to her and a wide grin spread across Amy’s face.

“What are you waiting for?“ She pulled her shoes on quickly. “Come on!“ They rushed outside to find the TARDIS in their backyard.

“A whole year, Doctor…“ Amy called out when the door opened. “What…“ She lost her train of thought when she laid eyes on the blonde woman that stepped out of the blue box. Who was she? Had they been replaced?

“Ah yes, sorry, new face!“ The Doctor grinned when she realised why she was looking at her all confused. “Come here Amelia.“ Without waiting for a response she pulled Amy into a hug. “And Rory the Roman!“ She grabbed Rory by the jumper and pulled him in as well. The Ponds were too perplexed to protest.

“I… don’t understand.“ Amy looked the Doctor up and down when she pulled away. They had seen River regenerate so they knew it was very much possible, but this was a lot to take in.

“Yeah, sorry, this bit is going to be a bit complicated…“ The Doctor gave an awkward grin.

“River said you were alive, she didn’t mention you had… changed…“ Rory said trying his best to work through his shock.

“I haven’t yet, not for you, well technically… it’s complicated. You’ll see me again, the old me, about a year from now and you can’t tell him you’ve met me. Sorry. It’s just… in my time, where you are now, I can’t get to you, so I had to come to a time where I knew I wouldn’t run into myself and… I’m rambling, aren’t I, sorry, I… I’ve missed you both so much.“ The Doctor pulled them into another hug. She couldn’t put into words how much she had missed the two of them. Losing them in Manhattan had been one of the most painful experiences of her life. She knew she shouldn’t be going back in her timeline like this but she knew the Ponds wouldn’t be seeing her previous self for a while yet, the risk was relatively low. Also, there was no way she could do today without them.

“You really are… the Doctor?“ Amy grinned as the truth sank in.

“Yeah… very distant future but that doesn’t matter right now…“ The Doctor nodded.

“Have you finally, in the very distant future, realised it wasn’t very nice to keep us in the dark and waiting for so long? You better be taking us on an adventure, Doctor!“ Amy exclaimed having got over her shock. She gave her arm a playful slap.

“Yes, I am, sort of…“ The Doctor chuckled.

“Great! I’ll just grab our coats.“ Rory grinned making his way back to the house.

“But only if they’re fancy coats, you’re going to a wedding.“ The Doctor called out, stopping him in his tracks halfway down the garden path.

“Sorry, what?“ Amy didn’t know if she had heard her right and Rory came back.

“A wedding.“ The Doctor repeated. “My wedding, actually. To your daughter. She doesn’t know about it yet but… anyway, Mr Pond, how would you feel about me marrying your daughter? Again. Properly. I mean, that’s what you’re meant to do, right? According to Earth tradition, ask the father of the bride first?“ She grinned at Rory who looked back at her dumbfounded.

“I uh…“

“Okay, I’ll take that as a maybe… Amy?“ The Doctor looked to Amy hopefully who was as perplexed as her husband.

“Hang on… did you just say you want to marry River again?“ She asked, needing to confirm she was getting this right.

“Yes. Wasn’t exactly a dream wedding, was it, on top of that pyramid, in an aborted timeline and all that. River has never complained but… I did ask her a while back if she’d want to do it again, properly and she said yes, so… I mean, I didn’t exactly look my best on the day and look at me now.“ The Doctor grinned tossing her blonde hair in amusement.

“But you’re not wearing that, are you?“ Amy looked her up and down.

“What?“ The Doctor looked down herself.

“You look like you got that charming combo from a charity shop.“ Amy couldn’t help but point out.

“Well, I did.“ The Doctor retorted, she didn’t really see what was wrong with her outfit but she had anticipated this problem. “Well, I do have a suit in the TARDIS.“ She revealed. “You still haven’t said yes yet, either of you.“ She put her hands on her hips expectantly, looking back and for between her in-laws.

“Well, of course you can, you moron, let us get our Sunday best and let’s get going!“ A wide grin spread across Amy’s face. She was going to see her daughter get married!

——

“Where are we going?“ River looked out of the carriage window.

“To get you a dress of course.“ Jenny grinned with excitement.

“Well, I do have plenty of dresses, she needn’t have gone through all this trouble.“ River chuckled. “But I must admit, this is fun.“ It had been a long time since she had seen the Silurian detective and her wife, they were wonderful company.

“You haven’t got a dress like this.“ Vastra smirked and the carriage came to a halt.

“You haven’t seen the size of my wardrobe.“ River grinned but obliged and followed them out of the carriage. She nearly tripped over when her eyes fell on the shop they had stopped in front of.

“Is the penny dropping, Professor?“ Vastra laughed at the look on River’s face as they found themselves in front of a bridal store.

“You can’t be serious. She can’t be serious.“ River shook her head to herself, she couldn’t believe it. Her hearts jumped into her throat and she had to force herself to take a deep breath to calm herself. She hoped she wasn’t jumping to the wrong conclusions but how could she be?

“From what the Doctor said you have waited an awfully long time for this. Some things should be done the proper way.“ Vastra revealed confirming her assumptions. She took the professor’s hand to reassure her.

“Let’s get you a wedding dress.“ Jenny grinned and took her other hand as they walked her up to the door.

“I think I’d better, hadn’t I…“ River breathed, trying her best to keep her emotions in check.

——

“Alright, let’s get the flower arrangements done, come on people, chop chop!“ Nardole clapped his hands together.

“Who put him in charge?“ Heather mumbled and Bill laughed.

“I think it’s cause he used to work here once…“ She replied fastening the last garland of white flowers to the balustrade of the balcony.

“Just can’t get the staff these days.“ Nardole huffed carrying on with his mission to make sure everything was just right.

“Maybe that’s cause we’re not staff but the Doctor’s friends and guests?“ Clara offered ushering the next load of guests in. The guest list the Doctor had provided was quite the challenge to accomplish but what good was having a time ship if not to get your best friend’s friends together from all over time and space.

“You just see to it that you get everyone here on time.“ Nardole jabbed his finger at her making her laugh. Despite the stress of organising it all, there was a buzz of excitement in the air. Clara’s heart lifted for seeing so many familiar faces. She had seen so much of the Doctor’s past when she had been inside their time stream and she knew how important each and everyone of these people where to them.

“I think we’ve got everyone now.“ Me pointed out looking around. “A few more TARDISes wouldn’t have gone amiss though. Did we miss anyone?“ She looked to Clara who checked the guest list.

“No, I think now there is just one trip to Victorian London to do.“ She grinned. “Time to get changed!“

“This place is beautiful.“ Kate Stewart observed stepping onto the balcony accompanied by Osgood. Everyone was having a good look around before the ceremony started and the view from the balcony really was quite something.

“What is that music?“ Martha asked as she leaned onto the balustrade, marvelling at the twin towers in the distance. A mild breeze carried a melody with it leaving them in awe. The sun was just settling in the distance.

“Nobody really understands where the music comes from. It's probably something to do with the precise positions, the distance between both towers. Even the locals aren't sure.“ Everybody looked around to see the Doctor stepping out of her TARDIS. She was wearing a black tuxedo and bow tie, her expression was one of unadulterated joy as she beamed at the sight of all her friends gathered.

“Doctor!“ Bill exclaimed in excitement.

“Wow, that’s not what I expected.“ Martha was dumbfounded. Clara had told them the Doctor had changed faces but that was quite the change indeed.

“Is the tux too much?“ The Doctor asked, feeling insecure for a moment at everyone’s gaping expressions.

“No, it’s just right.“ Amy reassured her as her and Rory urged her to keep going.

“Is everybody here?“ The Doctor asked slowly as she looked around. She felt a little overwhelmed seeing everyone. So many friends that she hadn’t seen in such a long time and yet they had all wanted to come. She couldn’t express how grateful she was to all of them.

“I think we’re just waiting for the bride now.“ Tasha Lem spoke up. “How about everybody has a seat?“ She gestured to the rows of chairs to either side of the aisle.

“I best be on my way then.“ Clara grinned. “You don’t mind if we take your TARDIS, do you? Less bulky than the diner.“

“Sure, yes of course.“ The Doctor nodded with a smile as the TARDIS hummed in agreement. She couldn’t very well deny the Old Girl when River was her child in a way, too. Slowly, the Doctor walked to the front as Clara disappeared with her TARDIS. Her nerves were catching up with her now as she found herself the centre of attention. Tasha gave her an encouraging smile as the Doctor came to a halt in front of her.

“Are you quite alright, Doctor.“ She asked tilting her head a little and the Doctor forced a smile. This was a whole lot more nerve wracking than she had imagined. It had all sounded like such a great idea at the time.

“You’re not nervous are you?“ Jack teased leaning forward in his chair.

“No. I’m not nervous. Why would I be nervous. Not the first time I’m getting married, is it. This is perfectly fine, no big deal…“ The Doctor huffed trying to gather herself as she grasped her hands together in front of her to keep them still.

“Would you look at that, the Oncoming Storm, trembling in the evening breeze.“ Jack smirked.

“I’d like to see you do this.“ The Doctor shot him a glare.

“Maybe you will, one day.“ Jack laughed putting his arm around Ianto who was sitting next to him. “Or maybe you won’t, seeing as you didn’t pick me for best man…“ He feigned hurt. “Who is your best man anyway?“ He asked looking around. The Doctor was looking rather lonely standing at the front with just Tasha to officiate.

“Best lady, thank you very much.“ Missy walked along the side of the chairs towards the front checking her hair in a pocket mirror. Kate and Osgood exchanged concerned looks, Bill huffed:

“Who invited you?“

“Why, the Doctor of course.“ Missy smirked as she made her way to the front.

“Who’s that?“ Yaz asked leaning forward in her chair, sitting just behind Bill and Heather.

“That’s the Master, the Doctor’s oldest… I don’t even know what anymore…“ Bill replied. She couldn’t believe she was here and that the Doctor would actually have invited her.

“That’s not the Master…“ Graham looked on in confusion.

“Probably a younger version of the Master that you know.“ Kate explained and Ryan asked:

“What would make her invite her, she’s like her worst enemy.“

“Or oldest friend… It’s… complicated.“ Bill thought back to the time she had spent with the Doctor while he had tried to help Missy change. She couldn’t presume to understand the relationship between the Doctor and the Master. She hadn’t then and she didn’t now. But she trusted the Doctor and if she had invited her, she had done so with good reason.

“You made it.“ The Doctor stated as Missy came to a halt in front of her. She tried her best to ignore the concerned whispers amongst her friends. She had had to invite her. Things were complicated to say the least but she couldn't do this without her oldest friend. Things had gone too far with the Master she had last seen, she couldn’t forgive him, but with Missy… it had been the closest she had felt to the Master in millennia.

“Evidently.“ Missy hummed. “Well, I could hardly refuse my oldest friend.“ She looked her up and down. “You are old. Where am I in your time?“ She tilted her head, she could tell this Doctor was a whole lot older than the one she had last encountered on Skaro.

“That’s not important. I’m glad you came.“ The Doctor smiled, she didn’t want to dwell on what was yet to come for her, she just wanted to be happy for her being here.

“I wouldn’t miss the wedding of my best enemy, now, would I.“ Missy smirked as she looked at all the guest gathered on the balcony. Quite a few of them she remembered and was disappointed to find alive still. “But where is the bride?“

As if on cue, the TARDIS materialised at the far end of the aisle and the Doctor’s hearts nearly skipped their beats. The door opened and the Doctor let go the breath she was holding. It was Clara.

“No peeking, Doctor, I just need your in-laws.“ Clara grinned as she waved for the Ponds to go in while she went looking for her seat along with Vastra, Jenny and Strax.

“Clara, dear, don’t you look ravishing.“ Missy winked at Clara who turned a little pink but squared her jaw as she dropped into her seat next to Me. She wasn’t sure how she felt about the Master being here but it was the Doctor’s decision after all. The Ponds meanwhile disappeared into the TARDIS.

——

“I was gonna be cool and now I’m gonna cry.“ Rory took a deep breath, he had not been prepared for seeing his daughter in a wedding dress. They might not have been a traditional family but no matter what, she would always be his little girl, and this hit home. River was wearing a beautiful long wedding dress and her hair was pinned back with white flowers in it.

“And I thought I was going to be a mess.“ River chuckled and pulled her parents into her arms.

“Are you okay?“ Amy asked softly as they let go. She took River’s face in her hands, searching her eyes for an honest answer.

“I think so.“ River took a deep breath trying to compose herself. She couldn’t put into words how happy she was to see her parents again and how grateful she was to have them here now. It seemed as though the Doctor had put a lot of thought into planning this. The reality of it had yet to sink in. She couldn’t allow herself to think about it too much, she was worried that if she did, she would cry and ruin her make up.

“You’re not nervous are you?“ Amy chuckled.

“Where you in on all this?“ River asked, trying to wrap her head around it all.

“No, the Doctor only just picked us up! We will have to go back to our life to travel with her younger self again after this but… We wouldn’t miss this for anything in the universe.“ Amy kissed the top of her daughter’s head and gave her an encouraging smile.

“I am so glad you’re here.“ River smiled, her voice faltering just enough to betray the depth of her emotions. “So what do you think?“ She tried to play it off and took a twirl in her elegant white gown.

“Absolutely beautiful.“ Amy smiled, every inch the proud mother of the bride.  

——

“Right okay, stay cool…“ The Doctor mumbled to herself taking a deep breath.

“You’ve never been cool.“ Missy teased and the Doctor groaned in annoyance:

“Fuck off, Missy…“

“Swearing now, too, Doctor? Things have changed, I’ll say.“ Missy chuckled, delighting in the Doctor’s obvious tension.

“I’m fully expecting you to have come with some evil ploy to ruin the day… but I’m still glad you came.“ The Doctor looked to Missy hoping she understood why she had asked her here.

“Well, if I hadn’t, who would have brought you these?“ Missy sighed as she pulled out a small box. She opened it to reveal two pale wedding bands.

“That’s…“ The Doctor’s eyes widened in shocked but Missy didn’t allow her to dwell on it and get overcome by emotion.

“Dark star alloy… beats whatever pathetic excuse for wedding rings you’d planned on.“ She waved dismissively. “I mean, I only met the Professor once that time in prison but I have an eye for these things… not sure yours will fit now though, you’re much smaller than I remember.“ She grabbed the Doctor’s hand to look at her fingers.

“I’m not small! Look who’s talking.“ The Doctor huffed, she was still taller than her. “Oi!“ She pulled her hand back.

“Be back in a minute.“ Missy winked and hit the button on her vortex manipulator, disappearing into thin air.

“I swear this place must be giving off the biggest concentration of space time anomalies this side of the known universe…“ Kate shook her head to herself.

“There we are.“ Missy reappeared only seconds later. “Don’t look at me like that, what’s time travel good for if you can’t even get your best friend’s wedding ring resized.“ She smirked as she checked the rings again.

“Thank you, Missy.“ The Doctor gave her a soft smile and reached out to give her hand a squeeze. She didn’t have the words to say how much this meant to her, she could only hope she knew. Missy didn’t respond at first, she didn’t seem to know what to say, perhaps, just for a moment, she was overcome with emotion herself, so she pulled something else from her pocket to move the conversation along.

“Got you this as well, you wanted to do this properly, didn’t you.“ She handed over a scarlet ceremonial scarf to Tasha. High Gallifreyan symbols were embroiled on it in golden cross-stitch.

“That’s from home.“ The Doctor realised it was the sort of scarf used to officiate weddings on Gallifrey. With the planet destroyed she hadn’t thought it possible to find one.

“Your keen observational skills amaze me.“ Missy tried her best with a sarcastic quip but she couldn’t quite deliver it under the circumstances. “Only borrowed though, who knows, maybe I’ll want to get married one day.“ She shrugged and went to check her appearance in her pocket mirror again, ensuring she wasn’t showing any undo emotions. The Doctor, in turn, swallowed her emotions as well, they both knew how much this meant to either of them, it didn’t need saying.

“Old and burrowed.“ The Doctor smiled nodding at the ceremonial scarf. “And something new.“ She pointed to the rings in her hand and then turned her attention to the TARDIS.

“And something blue.“ Missy smiled and gave the Doctor’s hand a squeeze, allowing herself one brief moment of letting her guard down.

——

“Right, I better go and sit down. Let the father of the bride do the walking.“ Amy took a deep breath. “Do not stumble and embarrass your daughter.“ She jabbed her finger at Rory who straightened his tie.

“You just had to say that, didn’t you, now I’ll be watching my feet the whole time.“ He huffed and River chuckled.

“How about you watch out for me instead, Dad, hm?“ She looped her arm around his.

“I think I can manage that.“ Rory smiled and pressed a kiss to the side of her head. The TARDIS wheezed and hummed behind them, drawing their attention to the console. There was a bouquet of exotic flowers sat on top of it.

“She’s really thought of everything, hasn’t she…“ River said softly as Amy fetched the flowers for her and handed them over. “I can’t believe she managed to do all this and keep it from me…“

“I think she’s had a lot more help than she would admit.“ Rory chuckled as Amy left the TARDIS. “Can’t pull off a Valentine’s surprise like this without accomplices.“ He smiled to his daughter who took another deep breath struggling for composure. “Ready?“ He asked.

“Ready.“ River smiled.

——

“Try not to cry, that would be so undignified.“ Missy mumbled to the Doctor but she never even took her words in. The moment River stepped out of the TARDIS, time itself seemed to grind to a halt, at least for the Doctor. The last rays of the slow Darllian sunset caught in River’s curls and the singing of the towers seemed to pick up with the light breeze. Their eyes met down the aisle and both the Doctor and River Song smiled, they didn’t need words, they both understood. An impossibly journey had brought them to this moment, surrounded by friends and family, a moment of pure joy and love that radiated through all of time and space. The Doctor thought of the towers as she listened to their enchanting melody. They’d been there for millions of years, through storms and floods and wars and... time… as she intended for her and her wife to be.

END.

[sleepymccoy]

Hello! I wanted to ask you this bc I really admire your work and blog, and I get the sense that you're a person who can tackle nuance well (and I believe this topic deserves it). I've tried wording this as best as I could, and I'm sorry that it's very long.

I've started getting the impression that some parts of the Good Omens fanbase have been sort of contained, if that makes sense. I feel like small creators have a hard time getting attention to their work anymore. As if people are only looking at the same handful of established creators nowadays (and that those creators are only looking at one another). And by extension, content really only gets attention if it's liked/shared by certain people. And then on top of that, it really constricts a lot of topics in fic and art that get appreciated.

I know that the hype for Good Omens has died down in the past year and that explains a major dip in interest, but I still feel there's an imbalance. I see genuinely good work overlooked time and time again, and I worry that my own work has been looked over bc it simply hasn't been deemed a fan favorite. For a while it looked like there was an effort to boost smaller creators, but it's seems like it phased out pretty quickly. I will be honest, it's been a little discouraging. It feels like the Good Omens fanbase is a club a lot of us have been almost excluded from.

I wanted to know if I'm just imagining this whole scenario or if it's a thing others have noticed? If others have noticed, what can we do to spread some love?

I'm sorry if this came off the wrong way or like I'm scolding people. Or like I'm whinging like a needy child not getting enough attention. I'm curious and was wondering if it was worth asking someone else about. Thank you for reading! And thank you for responding if you do!

Hey! Thanks for all the compliments lol, that’s lovely of ya

I doubt i’ll be as succinct as you managed.

Overall, I agree. I don’t think you’re imagining things at all and I’ve certainly also noticed a decline in interest in my stuff since the start

This is a total theory, but I’m gonna put it forward cos it makes sense to me. When Good Omens started up everyone followed a load of people to get at the content and were reblogging and engaging all over the place. Spiderwebs of followers were formed. I think there are blogs who end up being more influential than others, it depends on what youre looking for in the fandom who that is for you, but there are always big sort of blogs that just reblog content to share it. I think they’re the things that change.

Cos what happens is interest wanes. Fans move on and go somewhere else. If you’re following and relying on a blog to show you lots of new art and they’re just not doing it any more, then you’re sort of left just seeing the popular stuff that gets cyclically reblogged.

For example, i was following, with notifications on, a blog that reblogged every bit of poc good omens fan art they came across. total mixed bag of quality, but it was fantastic and picked up blogs that were completely unknown to me. The person running it got tired and moved on, so i don’t have access to that any more. It’s a lost thread in my little spiderweb of access that cuts me off from so much and it’s a real loss

Alternatively, and this is the trap i fall into, you follow creators. Like what you said! So, when I see a post i like very much i go straight to OP and (after checking they’re not a terf or aphobic) i follow. This means i get new content from the source rather than relying on someone elses taste to have a chance of seeing it myself. However, it also means i’m not following many blogs that focus on reblogging a range of content, so i miss newcomers. I’m not ignoring newcomers, i simply don’t see them

Both approaches to who you follow come with the curse of as the fandom gets older, you don’t have a clear way to find new content or creators. There’s an early bird gets the worm element to it all

There’s also tumblr weird bad habit of not reblogging things. People who run personal blogs rather than themed blogs will like something and consider their work done, but that does nothing to help new art or new artists, cos it’s not permeated yet. That kills new content and content creators pretty thoroughly

So yeah, i think there’s a lot going on there, but you’re certainly not making it up and a lack of engagement on your posts isnt an indication that people don’t like it, it just means people haven’t seen it or have fallen for their habit of not reblogging things they really ought to share.

In terms of fixing this? That’s a toughie.

I don’t have a fix, but i agree the lethargy is tiresome. It’s a constant effort to get something to take off, i have to reblog stuff four or five times before it starts moving beyond my immediate sphere of influence. But it makes sense, there are less fans and the fans there are aren’t out looking for new people to follow.

but i don’t like ending on a negative, so i’ll talk about some options or ideas! even though i don’t have the kind of influence someone would need to be heard

In my perfect world (and i repeat this is my day dream, i do not pretend it is well thought out or fair for all) i would remove the like function; either reblog it or you don’t get to keep an access. I would see more blogs that reblog content to a theme. I would see blogs that search out new creators. I would see newsletters that name new creator blogs that have engaged recently. I would see blogs that make it a challenge to themselves to reblog art and fic that has less than 100 notes. I would see more low stress fan events, more prompt lists and less organised zines.

But that’s all a lot of work for individual people to take on (except the likes vs reblogs thing, but that a real personal dislike of mine). I’ve tried to take part, I run @goodomensevents which is a blog where i reblog any general community event on tumblr that doesn’t cost money to take part in. But i don’t really think it has much impact, cos i thought of it too late in the game and no one wants to follow new good omens blogs anymore.

which i understand. i’m happy with my dash, i don’t feel like it’s lacking. I love who i follow. my mutuals talk to me and aren’t cunts. And i have no idea how to find new creators even though i may want to.

But hey, if anyone’s running a blog like what i’ve described, please send me a link! Maybe i’ll make a rec list on good omens events lol, see what happens. I’ll definitely follow you

[everlastingdreams]

Weeping Monk X Reader : The City Of Fey Chapter 14

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Notes: ^ My gif. Let me know what you think :) (of the story.. not the gif lmao just saying).  Sorry this took so terribly long. You don't have to read this chapter, see it as a little extra thing that I had to get out of my mind.

Summary:  As a fey queen you are by now used to it that fey come into your woods seeking refugee or a place to hide. Things get complicated however when your knights have not just brought a fey boy but also the Red Paladins’ fiercest warrior into your city.  

Chapter Summary:   While the city prepares to celebrate the victory, you and Lancelot decided to settle once and for all who truly won during sparring. Lancelot realises there are downsides to keeping the relationship a secret from the public when others still seek your affection.

Chapters:   14/ 14 

Word Count: 11078 words...sorry lol (in this chapter)

Extra notes: Two jealous idiots. One brave little wingman and lots of tension. Grab some water y'all. Warning: Not smut. But pretty suggestive *cough*

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When morning came Lancelot awoke to find you were no longer next to him. Last night repeating itself over and over again in his thoughts. He would have believed it had been a dream if your scent did not still linger on the sheets. Any other time he had no reluctance to leave his bed at dawn, but today he found himself unwilling. He could have easily fallen back asleep, soothed by the scent. But quick loud knocking on his door made it impossible. He groaned, knowing but all too well who would knock on his door like that. He quickly made himself look decent before answering the door. Percival looked up at him, clearly agitated "It's dawn!" Lancelot closed his eyes and sighed. The one time he didn't want to leave his own bed, seemed to be the only time the boy had no problem with being up this early. "Perhaps we should rest today." He tried to reason with the boy. Percival quirked a brow at him, clearly not expecting his fellow knight to 'rest'. "Y/n is on the field already." The boy said matter-of-factly. Lancelot eyed the boy supiciously, did the boy just try to persuade him ? It proved effective however. "Give me a moment ?" He asked and Percival gave a nod. A smirk was plastered on the boy's face as Lancelot shut the door on him

You were up early, when you awoke you had expected Lancelot to be awake already as he always was at dawn. But no, when you had turned around he was sleeping peacefully next to you. He looked so calm, you couldn't bring yourself to wake him up. So you had snuck out of the room leaving him to rest. You tried your best to focus on the people on the field who had gathered to practice their fighting skills. Those who were not wounded much by the battle were present again. And you spotted many new faces, all willing to learn how to protect themselves after what had happened. You were left with a problem however, Crillan was gone and they had no one to teach them but Raphael. But Raphael had other duties to take care off as well. Raphael walked up to you and stood next to you as you watched the people try and teach each other what they knew. "We need someone to teach the people." He looked at the people with a worried expression "Do you think he would consider it ?" You furrowed your brow at Raphael "Who ?" He almost rolled his eyes "The one who's bedroom you snuck out of this morning." Your eyes snapped away from Raphael immediately. Damnit, you had tried so hard to be discreet about it. Raphael hid a smirk from you "I am your second in command, y/n. Whatever happens in this city.." "You will hear about it." You guessed the rest before sighing "The soldier ?" He gave a nod "Is there anything I should know about, your highness ?" Oh you knew the question wasn't necesarry, he knew the answer but he wanted a 'confession'. Your reply was short but still your voice cracked "No." Now he truly rolled his eyes and shook his head "Very well then. I must inform you that the people wish to celebrate this victory.." You let out a deep sigh "Do you find it appropriate after Crillan's death ?" He clicked his tongue before carefully reminding you "Crillan would find it appropriate." He quirked a brow and you chuckled at the memory. "He always found the dumbest reasons for a celebration. " You pinched the bridge of your nose.

"The baby goat.” Raphael reminiscent.

You shrugged your shoulders a little “It was a cute baby goat so that was worth celebrating.”

Both of you looked at each other before laughing at the fact.

After pondering the thought you sighed “Fine. The people deserve some relaxation after all this.”

Raphael gave an inclination of the head “I'll make the arrangements. Tonight ?”

You nodded in agreement “Tonight.”

Raphael left your side to go and talk to the people on the field. You should have known he would be the first to find out, of course he would ask the soldiers where the queen was if she was not in her chambers. You groaned at your own stupidity before thinking about what he had said. It would make sense to ask Lancelot to train the people, he was the best fighter and he had often helped them even when Crillan was still here. But you were reluctant to it, you didn't want to push him into this. You did tell him you didn't expect him to fight.

After some minutes went by you saw Percival run up to the field excitedly, followed by Lancelot who approached you.

He stopped to stand right next to you, glancing at you for a moment before he looked at the training people.

You cleared your throat a bit nervous “Good morning, Sir Lancelot. I hope you were able to rest well ?”

He glanced at you again from the corner of his eyes as he replied quietly “I have. I only wish I had awoken differently..”

The meaning behind it did not pass you by, you replied in a hushed voice “You looked so peaceful. I couldn't bring myself to wake you.”

“I'd still have preferred it over being awoken by someone almost knocking my door down.” He chuckled as he tilted his head in Percival's direction.

You let out a soft laugh and shook your head “How does that boy have so much energy ?”

“I believe tormenting me fuels him.” Lancelot said in an almost serious tone.

You snorted at the comment and shook your head “Did you go and see Dahlia ?”

He nodded but you could see there was something he wasn't saying.

“What did she say ?” You quirked a brow at him.

He cleared his throat “She told me if I ever neglected to show up for my health check-up again, she would stitch a pig's tail to my head.”

Your eyes widdened for a moment “But was she happy with your progress ?”

His eyes now searched for yours, thinking back to how you had healed him last night “Very.”

He leaned closer to you, his voice almost a whisper “Thank you.”

Something told you that he wasn't just thanking you for healing him and you felt the heat rise to your face as you muttered a “You're very welcome.”

A moment passed, which felt filled with tension with him standing beside you quietly before you remembered something.

You held out your hand to him and he looked at you questioningly.

“Your sword, please.” You nodded to him.

He was confused by your request but did as asked, you took the sword from him before calling out to a soldier who was waiting nearby. She approached and handed you something that was covered in a piece of fabric.

You thanked the soldier and turned your attention back on Lancelot. You held the covered unidentified object out to him “For you.”

He carefully took it from your hands “What's this ?..”

You gestured for him to see for himself and he peeled the fabric away, unveiling a sword. It's cross-guard and pommel made from silver, decorated with gold in the shape of leaves etched into the silver.

He was silent while he studied the sword and you watched him nervously, awaiting his reaction.

“I.. I hope it's to your liking.” You stuttered.

He took some steps back and twirled the sword expertly, testing it.

After another moment, which felt like eternity, he smiled broadly.

“It's not bad.” He said in a casual voice.

You looked at him in slight panic before you realised he's toying with you.

You stepped closer to him and held out your hand “Well, if you don't want it-”

“I do.” He held the sword out of your reach with a smirk.

He brushed his hand over the edge of the blade before his eyes fell on yours “Thank you.”

“You're very welcome.” You took another step closer to him and smiled at him widely.

He noticed there was something unsaid by the way you moved towards him “Is there something the matter ?”

Lancelot's perception suprised you and you cleared your throat awkwardly.

Seeing you this nervous definitely made him curious what was going through your mind.

You fidgeted with your hands “It's...I...”

He waited patiently for your reply but you just sighed deeply.

“It's nothing. Nevermind.” You lied.

He saw through the lie “Y/n.”

You looked at him now, wishing you didn't have to ask him this. Not after everything he had already done. Not after you had told him he wouldn't have to fight like he had to when he was with the Red Paladins. You feared he might think you saw him as Father Carden had seen him. A weapon to wield.

“Now that Crillan is.. gone. We have no one to teach the people how to fight. Raphael tries to help but he has other pressing matters to attend to. I...-” You blurted it out.

He caught up with what you were trying to say “You want me to teach them.”

You spoke quietly, visibly struggling with it "I didn't want to ask this of you. I understand if you refuse." He looked to the field and saw how the people desperately tried to us their swords but he spotted many dangerous situations right away. Percival had been overhearing you mentioning about the people needing someone to teach them "I'll do it !" "NO." Both you and Lancelot exclaimed at the volunteering boy. "Absolutely not." Lancelot ended the boy's enthusiastic attempt. “I'll teach them.”

He gave you a reasurring look, letting you know he was alright with it. "I want to help !" Percival once again piped up. Lancelot turned to you, his voice discreet "The bow ?" You understood what he was suggesting "We need someone to teach people archery." "I can tell.." Percival scoffed lightly and gestured to you. You bit your tongue knowing the boy meant your poor archery skill. Lancelot coughed to hide a laugh and your eyes snapped to him. He cleared his throat "Teach those who are old enough to learn. We have to be prepared if something were to happen again, Percival." Percival gave a nod and went to fetch some bows and arrows. "That boy... " You shook your head before you looked at Lancelot with narrowed eyes “So you believe my skill with the sword and the bow are bad ? Don't think I didn't notice that you found that funny.”

And with that, Lancelot got nervous. He recalled how he had confessed that he had let you win during sparring. He'd hoped you would have forgotten about it.

Before he could reply and save his skin you casual told him “We'll talk about this later. Your people are waiting, Sir Lancelot.”

You brushed passed him nonchalantly but he knew better. You weren't going to let this go so easily.

It was getting dark as you approached the field, which was now empty apart from Percival who was helping Lancelot collect the swords and bows that had been left behind by the people.

You watched as Percival spoke animatedly while Lancelot tried to devide his attention between the boy and the task at hand. You approached them but stopped a little away from them. Percival noticed you first and did a dramatic bow.

Lancelot turned to the boy and watched him strangely before realising you were there.

“Sir Percival.” You greeted the boy formally while trying not to laugh “Were you able to teach others some archery ?”

His eyes darted between you and Lancelot who was staring at you “I was able to teach them some. But they will need a lot more practice, most of them are absolute-”

Lancelot nudged the boy, realising that nothing good came at the end of that sentence “They need more practice.”

You hummed approvingly when you noticed how Lancelot had stopped the boy from cussing.

“Percival, I believe Ayla has requested that you sit next to her for dinner today ?” You quirked a brow at the boy.

The suprise on Lancelot's face at the news alerted you that he had no idea of the request.

He send an inquiring look at Percival who now turned a light shade of pink.

The boy shifted awkwardly on his feet, avoiding your inquisitive gazes.

“She's waiting in the dining hall. You should go, I need to speak with Lancelot.” The way you said the last part alerted Lancelot that there was something bothering you.

He realised you were sending the boy away to talk to him in private.

Lancelot looked at you before he cleared his throat “Go on, Percival. I'll finish the rest here.”

Percival gave a silent nod before he ran off, gratefull that he could escape the awkward topic.

Your attention turned to Lancelot, and you started to walk as you pulled out your sword. He eyed you curiously as you circled around him like a wolf circling it's prey.

“I believe we have an unresolved issue.” You said matter-of-factly as you brushed your fingers over the blade of your sword.

The wheels in his head were turning at the speed of lightning until he finally guessed what the issue was.

He tilted his head down as he let out a chuckle.

When he looked up and met your eyes, he smirked “Is this what I think this is about  ?”

You raised a brow “This is about you claiming that I didn't best you during sparring.”

His smirk grew wider at the confirmation, you had mentioned you wished to settle this 'debate' but he didn't think you would actually come to settle it like this.

“I let you win.” He was taunting you.

You bit your tongue as you watched him “Why ?”

He quickly averted his eyes, now turning a light shade of pink.

You placed your finger on the tip of your sword “Care to settle this ?”

He looked at you expectantly “Are you sure you want to do this ?”

You scoffed at that and nodded your head “Uhm, yeah.. why ? Scared I will prove I'm better ?”

You knew he was competetive and that would definitely get under his skin.

He scoffed loudly before he took his sword, the way he looked at you send a shiver down your spine.

And for a fleeting moment you wondered if this was such a good plan after all.

“Well then. Don't hold back...” He said with an inclination of the head before arrogantly adding “Your highness.” He beckoned for you.

Gods, the way he spoke your title in a taunting way made you more eager to knock his ego down just a bit.

You spun your sword in your hand before charging at him and trying to land the first strike. He realised quickly that you weren't going to hold back unlike last time. He blocked your sword with his and used it to push you sideways away from him. You turned and landed on one knee as you struck again. He stuck his sword into the ground to block yours. This time it was him who turned as you got up from the ground. You blocked his sword and turned to strike, he pushed your sword away hard and you almost lost your grip on it. You pulled out your dagger with your other hand but he had expected you would attempt to use it. He gripped your wrist and managed to grab the dagger from you. Then you did something neither of you expected.

A strong burst of wind knocked him back away from you a few steps

It suprised him and he looked at you with an expression that said 'did you really just do that ?' Up until now you had only truly used your ability during the battle, you never realised the potential it had. You smirked at him, eyes glistering with mischief. His expression changed and you knew you were in trouble.

His voice low as he spoke "You're not playing fair." “I never said we were playing fair.” You replied cheekily before pointing your sword at him “I want my dagger back.”

He twirled the dagger in his hand “Come and take it then.”

You narrowed your eyes at him and went to strike his left, he used both the dagger and his sword to 'catch' your sword in between them. Then he grabbed the blade of your sword and pulled it from your hands, before tossing it a few feet further away.

Then in one swift move he took hold of your arm, turning it in such a way that it was now trapped behind your back before pulling your back against his chest and holding the dagger's hilt beneath your chin. He was standing closely against you as he kept you in place by holding your arm behind your back. You didn't have to see his face to know he was smiling when he spoke next. "I believe I bested you, didn't I ?" You didn't reply, refusing to admit he did.

He pulled you flush against his chest. He threw the dagger from his hand and it landed in a nearby tree, freeing his hand so he could brush his fingers down your shoulder. Your breath hitched at the touch. He leaned in to brush his lips against your shoulder, close to your neck. You knew what he was trying to do and you were not going to admit he won this time. You tried to take a step forward to avoid being 'convinced' to admit it. He felt you move, and quickly pulled you back against him as a chuckle escaped him "Admit I bested you." "No." You said stubbornly, but your voice pitched. He trailed his hand up your arm, while he kept you in place by holding your other arm behind your back. It trailed up to your jaw until he gently moved your head to the side. His mouth hovering just next to your ear. "We could continue to debate this, I am a patient man. Or.." He didn't finish his sentence, instead he placed a kiss on the side of your neck. His warm breath on your neck made your knees feel weak. Damn this man. You cursed under your breath at how compelling it was to just admit it. "Fine." He smirked against your neck and his fingers gently wrapped around your neck as his mouth explored your neck. Your reached up with your free hand to cup the side of his face. It was driving you insane how much affect he had on you. "Lancelot.." Your heart was hammering in your ribcage. He hummed against your skin, his hand moving down to your collar bone. With the way he was holding you in place, it was torture. You just wanted to kiss him back so badly. "Kiss me." It came out as a desperate plea. "I am." He almost purred it in your ear. You cursed under your breath again, knowing he knew this was not what you meant. You turned your free arm so you held unto his neck as he trailed a path of kisses from your shoulder up to your neck. When his lips landed right below your ear, you let out a silent moan. But he had heard it.

What started as something playful to make you admit he bested you, turned into something that made him want to carry you back to his chambers just to hear that noise again

He froze for a moment and then suddenly, he let go of you. It puzzled you and just then Raphael turned around the corner.

One look at Lancelot and you knew he must have known someone was coming and that had been the reason for his sudden reaction.

Raphael past a quick look between you and Lancelot before speaking “Your highness, the cooks have asked for your presence. They need your input for tonight's feast.”

“Feast ?” Lancelot inquired, unaware of the matter.

“The people have requested a feast. And it is what Crillan would have wanted.” You explained, shooting him a smile.

Lancelot was not a crowd person and it became evident when you saw how hard he tried to look excited about the idea.

You nudged him with your shoulder before walking towards Raphael “Don't worry, Sir Lancelot. The people have not forgotten how your plan saved us.”

It would indeed be different from last time, last time the people still looked upon him in fear. He had not noticed the people look at him in this way lately.

He gave a nod and you went with Raphael to speak with the cooks about tonight's preparations.

~The feast

The boy followed close in his footsteps all while grabbing food from plates all over the room. It seemed the boy's suspicion towards the food had vanished completely.

Manouvering between the dancing people felt eerily similar to moving on a battlefield. But he knew how to act on a battlefield, not here. He spotted Raphael leaning against a pillar and approached him.

The knight greeted him with a nod "So you have decided to train the people ? The queen was quite reluctant to ask you."

Lancelot remembered but all to well "They need to learn how to protect and defend themselves and their queen.."

“She still isn't happy with how we tricked the trinity guards into thinking we were going to sacrifice you." Raphael winced slightly at the memory. "It was an option." Lancelot deadpanned. Raphael scoffed loudly "I'd rather die at the hands of the trinity guards then at the hands of the queen."

Lancelot's expression told Raphael that he agreed with that statement.

Someone passed them carrying some tankards with alcoholic beverages in them.

Percival stopped the person, suprising his fellow knights as he suddenly spoke in a formal way “Excuse me, the queen has told me that I must taste the beverages to inspect their quality.” It sounded practiced.

The person thought none of it and handed the boy a tankard that Percival eagerly took before thanking the person.

Raphael and Lancelot gawked at the boy.

The boy raised the tankard to his lips but you had seen it happen and quickly walked over and moved to take it from his hands “Did I ? I don't remember asking you that.”

Percival's eyes were wide knowing he just got caught lying.

You shared a quick look with Lancelot who closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh.

"Sir Lancelot, don't let Sir Percival drink that alcohol." You handed Lancelot the tankard before walking with Raphael towards Dahlia. Percival reaches for the tankard and it swiftly moved out of his reach by Lancelot.

"Oi ! " The boy piped up in frustration. "By the queen's order." Lancelot raised a brow as he kept the tankard out of reach

"Wuss." Lancelot rolled his eyes when the word reached his ears "Your use of language will continue to get you into trouble." Percival just shrugged and pouted. He now looked at the boy as he tried to make him see reason "I won't always be there to help." The boys attention snapped up to him and Lancelot almost instantly regretted what he had said when he saw the look in the boy's eyes. "What do you mean ? You're not leaving are you ?" The boys attitude had switched so fast it was hard to keep track. He saw the panic in the boy's eyes and his expression softened because of it. "No, I am not leaving. I just want you to understand that there are consequences to one's actions, Percival. What if you insult someone when I'm not there and they attempt to kill you ?" "I'll fight them." The boy shrugged his shoulders. He should have seen that reply coming "What if they are better at fighting?" "I guess that means you're not doing a good job teaching me then." The boy blurted out. Lancelot gawked at the boy speechless. After a moment of silence he spoke quietly "What I am trying to say is that there might come a day where I can't protect you." Percival's reply was almost a whisper "But if you can.. you will ?" His voice sincere when he answered "With my life." "Even though I called you a wuss ?" The boy quirked a brow in slight suprise. Lancelot chuckled and his eyes focused on the dancing people "Yes. And I've been called worse. Even by you.” The boy would never admit it but he was glad to hear it, especially because it was Lancelot himself confirming that he indeed cared a lot about him. Just like he would never admit that he cared about the tall idiot as well. That is why he immediately became suspicious when a woman approached them. "Excuse me, Sir Lancelot ?" She asked innocently. Still not used to the title Lancelot just nodded to the woman. "I was wondering if you had seen my sister ? She is wearing a blue dress and has short brown hair." She took a step closer, causing Percival to look at the woman with an odd expression. He tried to remember if he had seen anyone that matched the description but could not remember seeing anyone "I have not. Do you believe your sister to be in trouble ?" She quickly shook her head and giggled "Oh no, she is probably just avoiding the public." The woman then placed a hand on his arm "She's very insecure you see, always telling me I'm the prettier one." The moment the woman's hand touched his arm a cold wind travelled through the room, cold as winter. He had felt similar winds before and he knew exactly where they came from. When he looked in your direction he saw how you were nervous and how Raphael had noticed it too. It seemed like it had suprised the people as well for a moment but they must have thought it was truly just the wind as they soon resumed their activities. Lancelot was left to wonder what caused the outburst of magic from you as it looked like it was unintentional. Percival now narrowed his eyes at the display, disliking this woman immediately "I doubt it." Lancelot still startled by the woman touching him was now looking at the boy in alarm.

The woman's smile fell as she gave the boy a nasty look "I beg your pardon ?" "Percival ! Apologise to -" Lancelot started to scold the boy. "She doesn't have a sister ! So I doubt they would tell her that." The boy quickly explained himself. The woman swallowed hard when the truth saw the light and she quickly muttered an apology before walking away hastily. Percival rolled his eyes and sighed at Lancelot's confussion.

When you had looked to where Lancelot was standing with Percival, you had observed how a woman approached him. It looked like she was just asking him something but your instincts told you there was more to it and your worries were confirmed when she suddenly laid her hand on his arm. It lingered there and it was what caused your magic to involuntarily create a cold gush of wind in the room. You truly prayed the people would not notice it. You sank back in your chair wanting to hide your face in embarrassment at your own actions. But people noticed it, for a moment it had felt like like the temperature had significantly dropped in the room. And that's how you knew Lancelot must have known it was you causing it. Raphael's brows had shot upwards in suprise. He had seen how a woman had approached Lancelot and tried to flirt with him. But it was apparent that his fellow knight was oblivious to the woman's intentions. You however clearly were not. "Really, y/n ?" No hint of how amusing it had been to him audible in his voice. "Shut it." You glared at him. He took a swig of his drink to hide the laugh that followed. A few moments later Lancelot and Percival joined you and Raphael at the table. As he went to take a seat next to you on the right he discreetly whispered "Is something wrong ?" You shook your head as he sat down next to you. Of course you didn't blame him, you couldn't blame the woman either. You haven't actually announced that you two were together. For all anybody knew, you were both available. "I'm still not used to controlling this kind of magic. I'm sorry." You said sheepishly, still ashamed that something that small caused you to react like this. He looked at you with a reasurring expression "It will get better, y/n. I'm here when you need me." It was enough to wash away your worries and you leaned backwards in your chair, letting your hand graze over his back but masking it by tapping Percival's shoulder who was sitting right next to him.

Lancelot was looking at you, well aware that that move was not accidental. When your hand brushed along his back it made him realise how much he craved your touch. How much he wanted to just kiss you now, right in front of everyone. But you were being discreet and he respected that. Perhaps it was a good thing, he did value his privacy as well as yours.

Percival leaned back in his chair to look past Lancelot at you after you had drawn his attention.

“I think Ayla is looking for you, Sir Percival.” You shot him a playfull smile.

At your words the boy sunk lower in his chair, now barely sitting higher then the table.

Lancelot saw an opportunity in the boy's reaction, especially when he noticed the girl approaching the table.

One look at Lancelot's face was enough for you to see what he was planning and you mouthed a 'don't'.

Ayla stopped at the table and made a gracefull bow towards you “Your majesty.”

You tilted your head with a smile “Ayla.”

Then she turned her attention on Percival right away and you felt a little sorry for the boy who looked like he just wanted to disappear into the wood of the chair. Sure he liked the girl, but you felt that he might be a bit intimidated by her.

“Sir Percival, would you like to dance with me ?” She sounded so formal that it cost you all your willpower not to let out a small laugh.

Percival's eyes shot to you, searching for help.

You spoke up, willing to help the boy “Ayla, Sir Percival must be tired. Perhaps-”

Lancelot cut you off “He would love to.”

Both you and Percival looked at him, Percival with a death glare and you with a deep sigh.

He muttered something under his breath, clearly aimed at Lancelot.

Lancelot didn't say another word and the boy got up reluctantly.

Ayla hooked her arm in his while he send another deathglare in Lancelot's direction.

You shook your head before turning to Lancelot “He will make you pay for that. I hope it's worth it.”

Lancelot could barely hide how entertaining it was to him “It is.”

“I would sleep with one eye open, Sir Lancelot.” Raphael warned him.

You chuckled at that and heard Lancelot mutter something that sounded like 'As always'.

The three of you were talking at the table, mostly discussing new ways to train the people, when

a soldier approached you. His insecurity evident in his every step as he got closer to you. You guessed he was a bit younger then you, ash blonde hair and innocent brown eyes stared at you openly. You knew his name was Cirro, but you never had any conversation apart from when you would give an order to your soldiers. He stammered the words "Your highness.." then he did a quick clumsy bow. Lancelot's brows shot up at the sight of the nervous soldier. You tried your best not to show how funny you found his shy demeanor, it would be rude considering he had mustered up the courage to approach you in the first place. "Cirro." You greeted him in a sweet voice to calm the poor man's nerves. "Is there a problem ?" The man quickly shook his head "No, your highness.. I..." his eyes darted between you and Raphael. You tilted your head, encouraging him to continue speaking. Cirro cleared his throat and blurted out "May I have this dance?" The soldier stood there waiting for your answer in nervous anticipation, unaware of the menacing look that the question had created in Lancelot's eyes. Your eyes darted between Cirro, Raphael and then to Lancelot who looked anything but pleased with the soldier's request. You swallowed hard and weighed your options. Refusing to dance with the already shy soldier could be a deathblow to his self-esteem and courage he had shown to even ask you, the queen, in the first place. Accepting the request could send the wrong message to both the soldier and Lancelot. Raphael noticed the uncomfortable tension the request had caused and decided to interfere carefully. He looked at you as he spoke to watch your reaction "The queen accepts your request, you and your fellow soldiers have fought bravely." Lancelot took a deep breath as he listened to his fellow knight accepting the request for you. You nodded to the soldier, having picked up at how Raphael was trying to solve this without hurting anyone's feelings "I am gratefull for my brave soldiers, consider this a sign of my appreciation." The soldier looked baffled for a moment before he gave an inclination of the head and held his hand out to you. Raphael noticed how tense Lancelot was and he leaned a little to the side to speak to him quietly "It's just a dance. It would have been considered rude to refuse after everything they have done for the city. It's a small thing to show our gratitude." Lancelot knew Raphael was right, but he hated to see how the soldier's fingers gently wrapped around your hand "I know." Raphael let out a sigh, hearing the bitter tone in his voice "All the people have now are rumors, Lancelot. No one would dare to ask her if they knew she was not.. available.” he hinted that he knew something was going on between the two of you “To them she is still the queen without a significant other, of course people will try to gain her affection." He thought about Raphael's words as he watched the soldier guide you to the dancefloor.

It made him think back to the night when he had stepped between you and Isich. He learned then that people occasionally approached you with the intention to grow closer to you.

To gain your love and affection.

He was starting to see the downside in being discreet with this now.

The soldier placed a hand on your waist, you knew the poor man was afraid to overstep when he did. He tried to keep a distance but if you were to dance, this would prove difficult. You placed your hand gently on his shoulder as you whispered with a smile "Don't be afraid, Cirro. It's just a dance." The soldier let out a breath before he smiled sheepishly.

Lancelot watched in envy as the soldier took a step closer to you.

It's just a dance.

It's just a dance.

It's just a dance.

He repeated the words in his mind but they did little to nothing to stop the irritation he felt. The only thing that made him remain calm was the fact that you had told him you loved him.

And he trusted you.

He believed you.

But he did not trust those who sought your affection. Not after the incident with Isich.

Percival saw it all happen, his eyes darting between Lancelot at the table and you on the dancefloor with the soldier. He had 'escaped' from Ayla only moments ago. He groaned in silence and cussed under his breath as a plan formed in his head.

He swallowed before walking to Ayla, asking her to dance again. The girl was more then eager at the request and Percival dragged guided her to a well calculated spot on the dancefloor.

His every step in the dance with Ayla was aimed to get closer to you and the soldier.

Cirro held your hand as you spun outward before spinning inward again, you almost crashed into his chest. He had closed the distance between you even more and his other hand landed on your lower back. Too low.

The act was enough to make people whisper to each other, you looked at the soldier with wide eyes.

You didn't dare look in the direction of Lancelot.

The moment Lancelot saw the soldier act so boldy he had moved to stand up but was stopped quickly by Raphael.

“Don't be a fool. Believe me she can handle it, Lancelot.” He reminded him.

Lancelot was seething at this point, his focus was on the soldier's hand on your lower back.

He was standing far too close at this point and Lancelot could see it was making you uncomfortable.

“She shouldn't have to handle it alone !” He snapped at Raphael who seemed to contemplate it.

You looked up at Cirro who now seemed to be far less shy then he was just moments ago. You reached for his hand on your lower back, removing it.

Before you could speak up, Cirro howled in pain and stepped away from you while almost losing his balance.

“Oops.” Percival exclaimed cheekily as he watched the soldier try to regain his balance after having his foot stomped stepped on by him.

You hadn't even noticed Percival was on the dancefloor with Ayla again, and you quirked a brow at the boy. There was no way that was not done intentional.

The soldier cussed discreetly before apologizing to you and leaving the dancefloor with some difficulty.

By now Lancelot had approached you and the boy, unable to just stand by and watch anymore.

“Percival.”

“Percival.”

Both you and Lancelot spoke up to the boy who realised his excellent plan had been discovered.

You looked at Lancelot who was now standing close in front of you, his attention on the boy.

Percival looked at the both of you like a deer in headlights “It was an accident !”

Lancelot hummed and looked at you for a moment as you covered your mouth to stiffle a laugh.

He turned his attention back to Percival. He knew he should scold the boy for what he did, but gods did he appreciate the boy's solution to the situation.  

Percival anxiously awaited Lancelot's reaction.

“We should practice your footwork more tomorrow.” He finally said before nodding to the boy to go.

The boy grinned, then Ayla pulled him away through the crowd before either of you could change your mind and scold him.

You turned to Lancelot and crossed your arms, seeing right through what had just transpired “Really ? Strange how you just let him get away with that.”

“How could I scold him for something I wished to do myself ?” He admitted.

Your brows shot up “Wait.. are you jealous ? It was just a dance, Lancelot. He just got a bit too confident for a moment.”

Lancelot scoffed but deep down he knew it was true.

He stepped closer to you his eyes unreadable “People were whispering..”

You noticed the change in the tone of his voice “Were they now ?”

He nodded and stepped closer again until he was mere inches away from you.

You felt terribly nervous now, you had never seen him jealous before and didn't know what to expect,

You searched his eyes for a sign of what he was thinking or feeling but he was damn good at hiding it right now “What were they saying ?”

His hand sneaked to your waist and he leaned in to whisper in your ear, causing everyone's attention to be on the both of you right away. If it hadn't been obvious to them that there was something between you and him, it was now.

“That you have a fondness for the soldier.” There was no hint of the jealousy he had felt as he spoke huskily.

You almost rolled your eyes “You know better. Let them have their rumors.”

He chuckled softly, his eyes landing on yours. You could see he was contemplating something but what he did next still suprised you.

His hand quickly moved to the back of your neck and his lips crashed to yours.

He would not let them have the rumors, not about you.

Not anymore.

The kiss was searing and it made you forget all about the room filled with people. Then as quickly as he had started kissing you, he stopped.

It left you completely flustered and speechless.

There were no whispers in the room now. There was no need for it anymore, everyone had seen what happened.

Lancelot looked around the room pleased with the result before his eyes landed on you again.

The look in your eyes betraying the unspoken desire the kiss had ignited. He took two steps back, even acting so bold as to giving a slight bow of the head before turning around and walking away from you with a smirk on his face.

You stood there, center of attention now. Still processing what the hell just happened and you felt the eyes of the people on you.

Dahlia was the one to clear her throat and it seemed that it made the people snap out of whatever trance it was that had made them freeze in place.

Your eyes landed on Raphael who seemed to have a similar smirk to the one Lancelot had on his face. It took you another moment to remember how to walk again and when you did, your eyes instantly searched for him in the room. After a while it was clear he wasn't even in the room.

With a deep sigh you looked towards the exit of the room and headed towards it.

You walked into the hallway and spotted him leaning against the wall, facing away from you. He knew you were there the second you stepped into the hallway, your fey scent reached him long before the sound of your voice. As you walked up to him you spoke "I was thinking about how I should address this to the people. I guess no words are needed anymore after that." He looked over his shoulder a bit sheepishly. It was a risky thing to do, kissing you in front of everyone like that but the shot of adrenaline that went with it felt glorious. "Have I overstepped, your highness ?" He tested the waters. You let out a scoff at the question and the way he spoke so formal "Sir Lancelot. You didn't just overstep, you took all forms of protocol and tossed them aside." He had to hide the smile on his face at your words and clicked his tongue "Can you forgive me ?" His tone was playful as he turned to face you, you tried to keep a stern face. "Perhaps. Considering that you are one of my knights now, that means you do have to follow my command." You said in a fake authorative voice. He looked to the ground as he licked his lips before he stalked closer to you "And what is your command, your highness ?" His eyes rose up to meet yours, a smirk playing on his lips as he looked at you expectantly. You could barely hide the smile tugging at your lips, doubting he would actually follow your command "Would you truly do as I command ?”

He stepped closer to you, so close that if you didn't step back you would be standing against each other. Lancelot expected your movement and continued to approach you, making you step back until your back hit the cold brick wall.

When you looked him in the eyes you noticed how dark they appeared now, the dimly lit hallway casting shadows on his features.

He kept you in place against the wall with a hand on your waist.

He closed the last bit of space between you, trapping you between him and the wall. Your heart was hammering in your chest.

“What is your command ?” He asked again in a low husky voice, his breath brushing against the top of your hair.

You kept your eyes on his chest as you tried to control your breathing. The effect he had on you was ridiculous. You were so at a loss for words that you couldn't think. His hand squeezed your waist and you jumped a bit in suprise but he still kept you in place.

“I'm waiting..” He breathed, and you could hear he was enjoying this. Enjoying to see you like this, a nervous wreck.

An idea popped up in your head, two can play this game. "I want you to take three steps back." You said in a casual voice still not looking up at him. Lancelot was silent for a moment as he tried to figure out if you were serious or not. He failed to figure it out and his eyes searched for yours now. After another second he narrowed his eyes, realising you were toying with him as well "Three steps ?" You nodded with a blank expression. His gaze went from your eyes to your lips, back up to your eyes in an suggestive way. He quirked a brow and smirked "Are you certain ?" It took all your strength not to lose this little game the second you saw his eyes trail to your lips. "Yes." It was supposed to sound confident but your voice cracked on that one single word. After another second he tilted his head down and took one step back. Before he could take the other two steps you grabbed him and pulled him back to you. Your mouth crashed to his in a desperate matter, and you could feel him smile against your lips.

It was clear who had won this little game. He pushed you back against the wall, breaking the kiss "You said three." "I know. I just didn't think you would actually do it." You panted. He let out a soft scoff and he took a step back while keeping a hand on your waist, gesturing for you to stay put. Then he took two more slow long steps backwards before he made a overly dramatic bow. As he looked back up to you he wondered if he had truly won this little game.

The sight of you standing against the wall with your chest heaving at your every breath was near irresistible to him. There were no winners. You knew it. He knew it. Where he had taken three slow steps away from you he now took two long strides to reach you again. His hand grabbing the back of your head as his lips crashed to yours. He pinned you between him and the wall as his mouth explored yours feverishly. You held unto his chest as his attention moved to your neck. His hand finding it's way under the fabric of your clothes and down your back as he pressed himself even closer against you. A moan escaped you when his hand trailed down to your bottom. Your hands trailed down to his waist, holding onto him as his hands tried to touch any bare skin they could find. Then suddenly you heard a door open and you let out a startled noise. You had been so caught up in the moment that you had almost forgotten that you were in a public area. You wanted to make him step back before you would get caught like this but he hushed you and pushed the both of you closer to the wall. His form covering yours in it's shadow. Some civillians, clearly drunk turned to go into the opposite direction. You waited until they were almost at the other end of the hallway before you whispered against his chest as he kept an eye on the people walking away. You wanted to hide your face from slight embarrasment "We shouldn't be acting like this in public." He found your reaction to the situation quite funny "Why ?" You swallowed the nervous lump in your throat "It's... just... I...people will stare.." "And ?" His voice deadpan. That is when you realised he just did not give a damn if anyone saw. It was as if he wanted everyone to know and perhaps this was because of the dance with the soldier. You looked at him with narrowed eyes "You ARE jealous." By the look on his face you figured out you had guessed it right. He scoffed silently and shook his head "Why should I be ?" You tried to hide the smirk and replied innocently "So you don't mind that others try to woo me then ? Or dance with me ? Or touch me ?" His eyes darkened in response, he lifted your chin with his fingers before gently moving your head backwards to make you look at him "I do mind." To your suprise his tough exterior faltered and you were made aware that he was insecure. It made you feel bad for teasing him. Especially since you had been jealous yourself over someone simply touching his arm. You reached up and cupped his cheek "Forgive me, Lancelot. I am only teasing you." He knew you were but he still found some relief wash over him. He truly feared that one day you might choose someone else instead of him. "I know." His eyes searching yours to once again wash away his self-doubt. You noticed it and cupped his face, reaching up to place a lingering kiss on his cheek. Then he felt your breath brush against his ear as you whispered the words "My heart belongs with you. Never doubt how much I love and care for you." You placed a hand on his chest, where his heart was. Lancelot let out a shuddering breath and placed his hand on top of yours. You felt him kiss the top of your head and a smile tugged at your lips because of it. His other hand moved to caress your cheek "I never knew love until it was all I felt for you, y/n.”

His thumb brushed against your cheek and you felt yourself getting lost in the oceans of his eyes.

“My fey queen..” It was a whisper when it left his lips.

Gods, he looked at you so adoringly that you could only silently look at him.

You wrapped your arms around him, hugging him as thightly against you as you had the strength for it.

His arms wrapped around you like a protective blanket as he placed a kiss on the side of your head.

“I must confess you are almost my favorite knight.” You smirked against his chest, hiding your face.

He opened his eyes, thinking about that statement “Almost ?”

You pulled back a little to look at him “Almost.”

He stared at you silently “Y/n.”

“Sir Percival is just too delightful.” You deadpanned.

He rolled his eyes but failed to hide the smile “I bet I can change your opinion.”

His hands went to your waist, gripping thightly and he pulled you against him swiftly.

You put your hands on his chest, pushing him away “Oh no, Sir Lancelot. I am returning to the feast and you're coming with me. It is not appropriate to just abandon a feast like this.”

He searched your eyes to see if you were serious, he found no hint of joking and let out a disappointed sigh making you laugh.

You freed yourself from his grip “I am not returning there alone after that display.”

You tilted your head towards the room where the feast was and he reluctantly followed you back inside.

The first half hour was...awkward.

Both of you ignored most of the staring people, but Dahlia would not be ignored and you had a private conversation with her for a bit before returning to the table where Lancelot and Raphael were seated.

You looked around the place, trying to see if you could find Percival in the crowd and to your suprise the boy seemed to actually enjoy dancing with Ayla now.

“He secretly does like her..” You murmered when you took a seat and nodded in Percival's direction.

“I believe he finds her less frightening when she is not handling a sword.” Lancelot chuckled.

“Don't we all ?” You replied as Lancelot's comment made you think back to Crillan who had once been struck by the girl.

He noticed your sudden silence, he touched your arm to pull your attention to him “What's wrong ?”

You quickly shook your head as you smiled, but it didn't reach your eyes “Just thinking about Crillan.”

He gave a nod, understanding the cause of your sudden silence now.

“He was the one that convinced me to tell you how I felt about you. That was one of the last things he did..” You let out a breath.

The news came unexpected to him, now he wished he would have had the chance to thank the knight.

“He was a remarkable man. I will try my best to honor him, to honor the title we share.” Lancelot's voice was heavy.

You nodded before taking your tankard in your hands, tonight was a celebration.

Lancelot watched as you stood up and signalled to the musicians.

The musicians stopped and the room went silent apart from some people speaking quietly.

You spoke loud and clear so everyone would hear you.

“People of the city !

Tonight we not only celebrate our victory, we celebrate the life of our lost beloved knight.

Sir Crillan has taught us many things. How to fight, how to be brave in the face of evil..

Tonight we honor him, we honor what he has taught us.

Tonight we celebrate how he would have wanted us to celebrate. With pride, with joy and.."

You now looked at Lancelot "With love.”

His eyes locked on yours for a moment before you turned your attention back on the people, you raised you tankard in the air.

“To Crillan !”

“To Crillan !” The people chanted before the musicians started to play their instruments again.

Dahlia looked at you proudly and send you an approving smile.

“Couldn't have said it better.” Raphael stated to you.

You hummed, promising yourself that tonight you would celebrate life as he would have wanted.

Lancelot didn't speak, your words had made him fall silent. He didn't even notice you were looking at him, it wasn't until he felt you kissing his cheek that he snapped out of his thoughts.

He quirked a brow, pleasantly suprised by the public display of affection.

“I know feasts bore you, but please try to stay awake.” You were being sarcastic.

He let out a chuckle and shook his head. It was meant as a joke but if he was honest, he knew that it wouldn't be long before he would want to leave this feast. He still was not used to being in a crowd long. A few minutes, that was how long it took for him to feel bored to the point that he wished he hadn't send Percival with Ayla to the dancefloor earlier that evening. Sure the boy made life difficult for him from time to time but it at least never bored him. The only thing making it bearable was the fact that you were sitting next to him. But your attention was pulled away from him often as people came to talk to you. He was patient but the boredom left his mind to wander. Perhaps it was the way your eyes seemed full of joy tonight. Perhaps it was the sound of your laughter at someone's joke. Or perhaps it was the fact that people had interupted each and every time he finally had you to himself throughout the day that compelled him to do what he did next.

The unexpected feeling of a hand on your knee made you jump in your chair. Your eyes snapped to Lancelot who seemed far too amused by your reaction. You knew he was brave but never thought he would be this bold. Come to think of it, you should have seen that coming. You were gratefull that no one seemed to have noticed a thing. You grabbed his hand with yours before whispering so only he could hear "Must you torment me so ?" He remained silent for a second before the corner of his mouth twitched "Torment ?" You rolled your eyes before looking at him with a look that said 'you know what I mean'. His eyes sparkled with mischief and he squeezed your hand with his "When is it appropriate for a Queen to leave a feast like this ?" You swallowed hard, knowing damn well why he asked that question.

It was irresistible to mess with him a little now.

"When she wishes to do so." You replied casually. It had been his goal to get you away from this feast and all to himself again. He decided to treat your answer as a challenge. "I see." Lancelot replied in a similar almost formal tone.

His fingers untwined from yours and for a moment you believed he would 'behave'. Gods, were you wrong about that. His hand brushed against your knee along your upper leg before his hand squeezed near your inner thigh. You jolted up in suprise, knocking your knee against the underside of the table in the process. "Lancelot !" Your voice pitched but you were able to keep your voice down to not draw more attention towards yourself. "Y/n ?" Not a hint of guilt in his voice. He looked so pleased with himself. You glared at him, knowing damn well that he was trying to convince you to leave this feast early. For a moment he looked apologetic but a smile tugged at his lips.

His eyes remained on yours as he tilted his head in the direction of the exit of the room. Smirk on his face, but eyes pleading with you. His eyes always betraying how he truly felt. And right now he had difficulty expressing just how touch starved he was. He was about to stop his attempts of persuading you, but then you gave a short nod. It was enough to make his heart start hammering in his chest. You took one last sip of your drink before leaning closer to him to whisper in his ear "I'll leave first. Wait for a bit before following." He nodded in eager agreement "Where shall I meet you ?" You pulled away to look at him before smirking and replying in a hushed voice "Come find me." He let out a chuckle that sounded more like a scoff. Another challenge. And by the gods, would he love to win this one. You talked with Raphael for a moment longer before you excused yourself from the feast. You placed your hand on the walls of the hallways, dragging your fingers along the walls as you walked towards the chambers you used only when you didn't want people to bother you. You rarely slept there but sometimes it was nice to have a room only a few people knew about. A safe room of sorts, hidden in plain sight behind an old shelf that moved like a door. You wondered if he would be able to find you.

He waited for a few minutes after you had left, taking the time to ask Raphael if he could keep an eye on Percival. The knight just nodded, needing nor wanting any further explanation. When he stepped into the hallway he knew he'd have to use his sense of smell to find you. He walked through the hallway for a bit before his fingers traced the wall. The corner of his mouth curved up. Your scent was not hard to find or recognise. It was etched upon his fondest memories. He found himself strolling through hallways he had not been in before until he had to move some paces back because he had lost the scent. He looked around him, narrowing his eyes as he scanned the place. It had stopped in the middle of the hallway as if you had disappeared in thin air. What kind of trick were you playing on him ? After what felt like almost a minute his eyes lingered on a shelf that just didn't seem to truly fit the place and he headed towards it. Now the scent returned to him, stronger then it had been before. Smart. He thought. His fingers traced along the edge of the shelf until they found what he was looking for, a small metal lever. Instead of using the small lever and opening the hidden passageway he knocked on the shelf.

Your heart jumped at the sound, silently impressed that he had actually found the room. Only Raphael, Crillan and Dahlia knew of this room after you had told them about it. But he found it himself. You walked to the door and moved the lever on the inside, opening the door. Your eyes met his, he had a somewhat proud expression. "A hidden room ? Impressive." He stepped towards you. "Not so well hidden if you found it that easily." You quirked a brow at him. He moved the door open further and snuck an arm around your waist. Moving you as he stepped inside the room before closing the door and moving you back up against it. "I only found it because your scent led me here." Both his hands were on your waist now as he burried his nose into the top of your hair. Your mouth twitched into a smile "What do I smell like ? My.. fey scent ?" Your curiousity got the best of you. He was silent for a moment as he tried to find the words to describe it. "Like dust after rain.." He pauzed "But it carries something within it. I can sense it whenever you use your magic to control the wind." You looked at him now, searching his eyes "..What does it carry ?" His eyes softened and he leaned in close to your neck. Lingering there before answering. "Something ethereal.."

He looked you in the eyes now, leaning in so his lips were hovering over yours. His voice hoarse “Something that calls to me.”

Gods, the way his voice sounded made you start to tremble with silent anticipation. He tilted his head to place a kiss to your forehead. Not where you wanted but very welcome either way. You placed your hands on his chest and tugged him closer. He knew what you were trying to communicate with that, his lips brushed the skin near your temple next. He heard how your breathing was becoming faster.

Then they brushed against your jaw, followed quickly by your cheek.

Lingering just a little on those spots everytime he touched your skin.

It was driving you insane how he was purposly ignoring the place you wanted his lips most “If you intend to keep tormenting me like this then I will leave.”

It caught him off-guard but he noted the light tone in your voice and then you slipped out of his grasp and tried to step away to show him you were 'serious'.

He nearly rolled his eyes as he smirked and pulled you back to him, making you stumble and crash into his chest. You didn't get the chance to cuss as his lips were on yours right away, for a moment he pulled away. Looking at you for confirmation, which must have been clearly visible on your expression. And he pulled you in again, claiming your mouth again. Intense and filled with the desire that had build up within him today. It wasn't until he heard the soft moan fall from your lips that he began to fumble with your clothing.

Which proved.. difficult apparently. And after a moment of fumbling without much progress he looked at you a little lost.

“Not your area of expertise yet ?” You asked playfully and quirked a brow at him.

The look in his eyes made you regret saying it, and before you realised what was happening he had picked you up from the floor in one swift move. You let out a suprised gasp as he carried you and dropped you on the bed. Within seconds he was hovering above you.

“I wish your voice would be the first thing I hear tomorrow.” It sounded almost like a prayer.

And secretly to him it was, he prayed you wouldn't be gone in the morning this time.

That you would stay with him a little longer.

You fingers brushed over his cheek, tracing the fey marks below his eyes.

“What should I say then ? Tomorrow, I mean.” You asked and you saw him smile so brightly that it made his eyes glister.

He traced a finger over your lips as he thought “Anything, as long as you're still with me when I awake.”

You nodded, falling silent the moment he leaned in to kiss your neck.

When morning came Lancelot was delighted to see that you were still next to him. It was not long before you awoke and when you opened your eyes they sought out his.

Instead of wishing him a good morning or asking him if he slept well you said the one thing he so desired to hear.

“I love you.”

Taglist:

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[the-voltage-diaries]

tbh I think eisuke is better than Taki because he has more of a character development, wouldn't you agree?

Hey there, anon! Lmao that’s a kind of a controversial question you’ve asked me haha

Disclaimer: What’s written below is my own humble opinion, it’s not meant to hate on, or disregard, or disrespect anyone intentionally.

I’m going to have to say I disagree. And by saying I disagree, I am not, in the least bit, trying to state the counter: that Taki is better than Eisuke. If someone said that, I’d disagree then too. And that’s because of one simple reason, that Taki and Eisuke are two separate individuals with very, very different personalities and it’s wrong to compare them on the basis of character development, according to me. 

Here’s why:

1. Statue vs Rust Now, here’s a way to look at it. Eisuke’s character development is like making a statue, whereas Taki’s is like removing the rust. When it comes to Eisuke, his character development starts at a point where he doesn’t even know half the human emotions that exist, like love, care, affection, et cetera. He doesn’t invest his time in them because he’s never felt much of them, and the MC, over a period of time, has to make him understand what those emotions mean and how important they are. He gets introduced to a world he never knew, in a sense. That’s precisely why Eisuke has so much scope for development, too. In a metaphorical sense, it’s like the KBTBB MC meets a stone Eisuke and over a period of time, and after putting in tonnes of affection, hard work, and care, sculpts him into a beautiful statue. She slowly works on the intricate details and makes him into who he is now. Now, if you look at Taki, the scope for his character development is limited in this sense (I’ll elaborate on that in a bit). With him, it’s like polishing the rust off of something. When it comes to his story line, he is very different in terms of knowing emotions as compared to Eisuke because he has already felt emotions like love, care, affection, et cetera. In his teenage years, he was a very charming and kind individual who knew those feelings well. But, due to the misunderstanding with MC and the debt situation, he felt like those emotions aren’t meant to be felt, that they are a hindrance. He purposefully chose to mask over what he felt because he knew the price of letting them out. Here, MC’s task was to remove that facade, and she made him realise it’s okay to feel those feelings. It was like removing a thick layer of rust to allow his inner self to shine through. In simpler terms, it’s like letting something which was already there come up to the surface, instead of shaping it from scratch, like what happens with Eisuke.

Even if you look at their MS’, you’ll notice that Eisuke, by the end of his MS is still pretty bland whereas Taki has more of a feel to him. He smiles more, he’s more honest, and it’s like bringing a teenage Taki back.

2. Varying Scopes Eisuke’s stories are more about him coming to terms with his emotions and realizing he feels things which he didn’t even know he felt. More like, Eisuke’s story line’s central theme, in most cases, is working on his character development from an emotional point of view. It focuses on how Eisuke feels, and grows that into something more. Whereas with Taki, his stories aren’t about his character development with respect to feeling new emotions and dealing with them. His character development is linked to coming to terms with his past and allowing himself to feel what he denied feeling for so many years. That’s one reason why you won’t find a lot with Taki in terms of his emotional development with respect to feeling new things.

3. History does repeat itself With Eisuke and MC, it’s important to note that they didn’t know each other at all prior to that fateful meeting at the hotel lobby. They probably hadn’t even talked much and their relationship started from square one. So it’s kind of understandable why Eisuke would still keep his walls up for a LONG time. It takes a while for Eisuke and MC to work through obstacles and establish a degree of trust between them with respect to each other. Whereas with Taki, MC and him already share a history. They were high school sweethearts and Taki and MC both know what the other person was like, and can decipher from a mere few moments that neither of them has changed much over the years, except for having a higher wall around them, owing to their experiences with life in the past. Once Taki and MC realise who the other is, it’s a little bit of awkwardness before they both allow themselves to settle in and be comfortable around each other (even banter a lot lol), because they essentially do know the other person well. Because of that, there’s already a certain degree of trust established between Taki and MC right from the middle of his MS Season 1. That, in turn, leaves less of character development in terms of his relationship with MC when it comes to Taki.

4. Family Backgrounds It’s also important to look at how different their backgrounds are. Eisuke hails from a reputable family, and was adopted into a super rich family as a kid too. He has always dealt with two-faced people and has always had a much more luxurious life from the start. What I’m trying to say is, Eisuke’s not bothered to concern himself with emotions from the very beginning because that’s what’s been ingrained into him from his childhood. Also, because he’s been ultra rich from the start, the MC has more work to do when it comes to making him realise money ain’t everything, my guy. Now with Taki, he has very humble origins. He came from a very normal family, and knows what it’s like to live with just enough money (not being ultra rich, I mean). He was a very normal guy in high school with a very warm group of friends, an incredible girlfriend who he was in love with and a very humble life. His attachment to money came with the debt, when he realised as long as you have money, you have power and as long as you have power, you have everything. MC’s task here was to take him back to his teenage days and make him understand that sometimes, it’s the less expensive things which give you more happiness. 

5. Old Habits Die Hard Now, let’s look at their interactions with the MC. If you’ve noticed, Eisuke is very... hm, how should I put it... non-slangy + formal in the way he speaks. To make more sense of this, Eisuke is very proper when he speaks, and he doesn’t use a lot of phrases like “Man, you’re...” or “God, that was....”. And that’s because it’s been ingrained into him. Eisuke’s vocabulary is very prim and proper and non-slangy because that’s what he’s been taught since childhood. It makes him seem more like a robot, in a sense in the very beginning, in my opinion. Gives him a less relatable vibe, basically (and I mean no hate). Whereas if you look at Taki’s stories, he often uses a lot of phrases like, “God, you’re cute.” or “Man, that was something.” and that’s mainly just his high school, boy next door self showing its form. It makes him more relatable and human in my opinion, and those slangs are what show the reader that yes, the Teenage Taki still exists in there.

6. Won’t Lose You As stated previously, Eisuke hadn’t even known the MC exists till they met in the hotel lobby in the prologue. So when Eisuke and MC start dating, it’s with a perspective of “Okay, now she is my girlfriend.”, which doesn’t allow Eisuke to be very open about his feelings from the start. In case you’re confused, hang in there and let me explain Taki’s side to help you understand better. Now, Taki is MC’s ex. Someone who was very in love with her. Still is. He knows what it’s like to lose the MC, for he had already lost her once, and would do anything and everything to NOT lose her again. Thus, he is relatively more open with his emotions. He let’s her know how much he loves her, values her, cares for her, because he doesn’t want to let her go again, ever.

7. Okay, Let’s Be Direct Eisuke is a very “actions speak louder than words” person. He isn’t very open with his emotions, heck he doesn’t even say “i love you” till MC demands it out of him lmao. He is very indirect in terms of expressing what he feels for the MC, even in his later stories, and it takes time for him to come to terms with the word “love”, in general. If you look at Taki, he has been very direct from the start. Even in high school when he confessed to MC he went “I like you.” and in his MS when MC asked him why he kissed her, he said “Because I love you.” right on her face. He has always been direct with expressing himself, so that leaves a much smaller scope when it comes to him coming to terms with feelings like love and care, et cetera.

8. Different Premises Now, this might be the last point I touch upon. The thing is, both KBTBB and KoP are set in VERY different themes. In KBTBB, the MC is a normal person with a fulfilling life, she gets sold in the auctions, meets the auction managers and her journey starts from there. In KBTBB, MC has to mainly deal with the stress that comes with throwing herself into the dangerous life Eisuke and the other lead, and apart from that her life doesn’t really have much of an angst. In the sense, that none of the action managers have to actually deal with the MC and her emotions, per say. In KoP, the MC goes through a divorce which basically leaves her mentally shattered. She self-doubts and and constantly keeps worrying about what did she do wrong which made things end up the way they did. Here, while the KoP guy and and MC fall in love, it’s also about helping MC realise what happened was not her fault entirely. It’s about connecting deeper, much deeper, on an emotional level with the MC, which gives Taki a sort of a head start when it comes to character development in terms of bonding with the MC. ... I hope that made sense lol

That was a LONG response, not gonna lie, and I’m so sorry for being late with this! But, I hope I was successful in showing you my side of things on this debate. 

Thanks a lot for the ask! <3

[cordonia]

Ethan + MC: “Kill Us”: I Do P2

Summary: Two days confined in his apartment, two days to decide if they should be together. Time is almost up and Dr. Valentine can’t leave until she has an answer. 

Inspired by Kill Us by Jessie Reyez

“I know nobody gets outta love alive We either break up when we're young Or we say goodbye when we die For a moment at least I know You were mine and it was beautiful”

Warnings: Angst, sexual content (I kept it short, nothing worse than a diamond scene and completely skippable, just scroll a little lol!) 

Word Count: 3444

“No more apologies, I don’t want to waste more time together.” 

She’d agreed instantly, so tired of the sadness that came with every apology they uttered to each other. They could focus on brighter, more important things. Other things could wait, at first. 

They’d been alone for two days, hiding away in Ethan’s apartment like students skipping classes and afraid to be caught. She had the time off, however she doubted Ethan had had a two day weekend in a very long time. How he managed to spend this much time with her was unknown, she was afraid asking would change his mind. 

Without being said, there was a promise that existed between them. When Valentine left late that night, they would decide the fate of their relationship and wouldn’t argue or upset themselves again. 

There hadn’t been much discussion so far; mostly sleeping in, arguing over the news and talking until either of them got frustrated enough to steal a kiss. Valentine could have done it on repeat forever, unable to find a reason why she would ever want to leave. 

She’d learned long ago that it was never that easy, but it stopped her from daydreaming. It had been a long time since she had dazed off in someone’s arms and dreamt about anything happy. This was far from wanting to escape, but too close to a fantasy feeling that felt too good. 

The evening came quite quickly, and Valentine felt herself counting down the hours until Ethan would need to sleep and ask her to leave. They both had to work the next day, and neither of them knew what their state of mind would be like. The countdown of time was heavy, she felt weighed down to the couch. 

Her head laid his lap, his fingers twirling through her hair absentmindedly. She was wearing one of his shirts, not point in getting dressed until she had to leave. She curled her bare legs into herself and closed her eyes. 

“How many people have you ever loved?” She didn’t know if she wanted to know the answer, but she had a habit of asking those kinds of questions. 

He had to think about it, but when he finally had an answer it was more complicated than it was in his head. 

“There are so many forms of love, and it feels strange to categorize it. I haven’t been in many long term relationships. Everything in-between them was a fleeting experience. Positive or negative, it didn’t always have to matter.” 

“I don’t want the in-between anymore, I’m so tired. I want the passion and ecstasy and I’m sick of it being temporary.” She sounded a bit flustered, but she suddenly felt sick thinking of being described as a fleeting experience to him. It wasn’t like that, never was, but what if he one day finally forgot how much he loved her?  

“What if I’m not the ecstasy?” He tried not to show any emotion in his voice but she still sat up. She adjusted to face him, her legs folding under her, and she sat back on her feet. It gave her the slight height to be eye level with him. 

It was difficult to find a scenario in which she fell out of love with him. A small part of her knew that she had never been in a real relationship with him, that being the first problem. Then there was the matter of their careers, they would complicate so many decisions in their life together. 

“I think I just want whatever you are then,” she confided. But that didn’t stop her brain from delving into a more detailed look at their options. 

If they were to have a family, one of them would need to put their career on pause for a little while. What if Ethan didn’t picture himself ever staying home long enough to raise a family? What if she didn’t? Before him it seemed unlikely she really wanted a family. When she looked at him then, she hated the concept of him one day passing without leaving someone behind who knew his love and all of the wonderful memories he had to offer. She knew it was biological, all bodies, all genders often felt that pull. She had hoped to be among those who were a little bit different. Lucky, she supposed. 

But that was impulse, and whether or not it would last was not guaranteed. Next week she could change her mind, not everyone was built for parenting. They could do so many amazing together with the rest of their lives. Endless possibilities, even with their careers. That scared her as well though. 

Who was she supposed to be? 

“I spent an exceptional amount time forcing you out of my mind,” he admitted. He was holding her hand in his, studying the small scars and lines that made it entirely hers. “I don’t know how successful I was.”

“Did you want to be?” 

“I’ve learned a lot about pain tolerance and it’s never been strong when it comes to you. I don’t want to be in pain.” His eyes darkened, and she held her breath, trying to avoid a reaction. 

She wanted to cry, to tell him she knew what it felt like, but also that she was sorry. But they had sworn against apologies, and they were running out of time. 

“We need to talk about what could keep us apart, Ethan.” 

He looked away from her, catching their reflection in the TV across the room. She couldn’t tell if he was preparing himself for a difficult conversation or if he was arguing with his thoughts. 

“Just say it aloud, no matter what the other person says. We say what we’re afraid of and we talk to talk it through. Promise?” 

He nodded thoughtfully and she gave him a moment to think about what he was going to say. She already had hers at the front of her mind, waiting to spill out like she were preparing to plead guilty. There was few times when being truly vulnerable with Ethan had a happy ending. They’d really had no happy ending at all, but she tried not to look at it that way. 

“What are you afraid of?” she asked gently, her fingers reaching out to graze his cheek. He exhaled slowly and briefly closed his eyes before speaking. 

“You just got out of a relationship that you were secretly waiting to fall apart. How long until I’m so blinded by how much I love you that I miss you resenting me?”

He tried not to sound impassioned, but it was clear this was a recurring fear, one that held a tight grip on his thoughts. It made it that much harder for her to speak the truth in her head, knowing it wasn’t going to comfort him. 

She just had to say it and deal with the consequences. 

“What if it isn’t supposed to be so difficult? I worry that if we keep forcing ourselves together, we’re going to wake up in ten years and wonder what made us try so hard.” She suppressed a sob as soon as she had begun speaking, she hated the way her words sounded out loud. She hated playing what if with her own life. With his. 

Her lashes were already heavy with tears but she refused to distract from their discussion. “I can’t picture myself ever falling out of love with you. I’m just so scared I don’t know myself like I used to. I might be the kind of person who hurts people.” 

Ethan reached out to her, pulling her towards his chest where he held onto her tightly. She could think of nothing worse than going back to her apartment without the comfort of his arms. The idea felt like a betrayal to her own emotions, but she couldn’t be irrational. She had been independent for so long, even in a relationship, and she knew she would survive anything. 

It just never felt that way. 

“You save people, you help them mend. You’re more than someone else’s pain.” He sounded almost desperate for her to hear what he was saying, but she had seen the repercussions of her decisions in the past few years. 

“Why fight for me now, when so much has changed? What makes you think I’m worth it?” 

She pulled back from his embrace and waited for him to answer her. His face changed from sympathetic and understanding, emotions they practiced habitually in their work. Suddenly he was more determined, faced with the entanglement of his own feelings and rationale. 

“I used to love all of the details I knew about you that nobody else knew. I loved everything from your passion for people to the way you drew patterns across my back when we laid in bed. I have discovered in the past 48 hours that I love everything I have yet to discover about you, and I want to know all of it. When I picture you in the future, I see you doing every single thing you love. You’re never going to need me for that, I know this as a fact.”

She wondered if anyone was ever going to believe in her like that, if she deserved it at all. But Ethan was never the person to shy away from the brutal truth, not when it came to what he loved most; medicine. She couldn’t see anything concrete in her future, it all felt so distant. There was no denying she was already getting older, but their field put them in unusual circumstances sometimes. Nothing was ever linear, there was no track to follow. 

“I don’t have to need you, to want you this badly.” The underlying sensuality in her tone was unintentional, but that did nothing to prevent his heartbeat from quickening against the palm she had pressed against his chest. 

“I don’t believe you.” Was that a dare? She got off the couch, noticing the flash of confusion of Ethan’s face as she had pulled away. 

She faced him, leaning into him for a kiss before climbing into his lap, her knees on either side of his thighs. She kissed him again, slightly deeper, and he responded by shifting lower into the couch, pulling her closer to him. It was like a reflex to grind her hips into his lap and moan at the heat between them. His hands found the small of her back and she knew she would never get enough of his touch on her skin.  

He pressed his lips against her jaw, moving down her neck and sucking gently at her throat. She felt his teeth part against the tender area and just before he could do anymore damage, she pulled back. She couldn’t show up to work with a scarf in May. 

“Ethan?” 

“Yes?”

He looked unfocused, rubbing her thighs and looking from her eyes to her lips. Some of the buttons of the shirt she wore had come undone, his shirt, and when he noticed, his fingers twitched against her thighs. He wanted to touch her, he had touched her many times in the past hours. 

“I’m never going to need you,” she mumbled against his lips, applying more pressure to their kiss and letting her teeth graze his lower lip. His body seemed to hum in response but there was a space between their hips that he wanted to close. She had a different idea. 

“I’m never,” she purred smoothly, pulling a hand away from him and slipping between her skin and the thin material of her underwear, “going to need you.” 

Ethan reached for her hips, gripping them so tightly that her head fell back in response to the pain. She pushed two fingers into herself, hyper aware of how attentively he watched her face change with every curl of her fingers. 

“But do you want me?” 

She nodded, a small smile on her lips as she let him kiss her again. She removed her hand from between legs and Ethan grabbed her wrist, pulling her fingers to his lips. She held her breath, eyes locked with his as his mouth enveloped the two fingers she had used to pleasure herself. His tongue seared her finger tips and she pushed them further into his mouth, amused by how his body remained completely still. 

“I want you, Ethan,” she said aloud. He lifted her up from his lap, turning his body and laying her against the couch. His whole body pressed against hers, the pressure nothing like the fear of time that had weighed her down earlier. 

He unbuttoned his pants, removing the physical barrier between him and then her underwear was tossed far enough that she would struggle to find them later. What Ethan could do with his hips soon left her legs shaking so fiercely that he had to hold them still. The couch was the last place they hadn’t had sex that weekend, and they weren’t going to leave it until they knew its strength was properly tested. She hoped it was as expensive as it looked. 

The feeling of him inside of her was a convincing reason alone to never leave his place. But nothing could last forever, and eventually the time came that she had to leave so he could find some rest before work in the morning. 

They were both dressed, back on the couch, laying on their sides. Her back was pressed against the front of his body, his arm holding her waist to him. She could have fallen asleep like that. 

“I don’t want to leave,” she said quietly, hating the way it sounded out loud let alone in her head. It sounded like she was pleading for him to ask her to stay, but she wasn’t delusional. 

She hated being an adult. If their lives had been different and she could have gone to college with him, she would have convinced him to take off a week just to memorize the lines of her thighs. But that’s not how doctors spent their time, instead they chose to heal, cut and study. And they loved it. 

Valentine wasn’t sure everyone could have multiple great loves, and medicine was first for them both. Could they be lucky enough to have each other as well? Not much in her life gave her the hope to believe that. She wanted the last two days to be proof of something, she just didn’t know what. 

Would the passion last? Would they wind up hating each other one day? There was no formula or calculation that gave them those answers. 

“I never want to hold you back,” he began. “I’m terrified of disappointing you.” He held her tighter, burying his face in her hair and breathing her in. 

“I feel so stupid,” she cried, “I wanted a sign, a spark of something to tell me we wouldn’t hurt each other again. I wanted to know if we deserved this.” 

“Some love isn’t this complicated” he assured her. “You still have time, even if it feels like it’s running out. You don’t need me.”

“I wish I did.” 

His words didn’t mean the same thing as they had before, not when they suddenly meant goodbye. She wanted to need him so that they could not leave each other, an unbreakable promise, a vow. To need him so badly that her body couldn’t walk out the door like there was a force stronger than love keeping her inside. She wished magic existed, to tie him to her and contain the overflow of absolute ecstasy that felt wasted when they were apart. 

Ethan was a realist, and she was of sound mind, maybe even practical. She did not believe in magic and invisible forces in door frames. But she did believe that as Ethan Ramsey broke her heart on an overpriced couch, the power of loss and despair was not mutual with having a grasp on reality. 

She felt like a ghost, gathering everything she had with her in the apartment so solemnly that Ethan could barely look at her. There used to be a time where she would leave his apartment feeling like the sun shone entirely for her, always in her favour. Having Ethan in her life felt like a small miracle that most of her coworkers searched for every single day in medicine. 

The quicker she left, the sooner she could cry in a way that Ethan would only hurt seeing. She needed to get it out of her body, every ounce of sadness that overtook her. She couldn’t bring it to work, it was dangerous and there was no time for it. 

She had to adapt and move on, just like she had before. But maybe better that time around. She chose this, after all. 

He hugged her by the door, squeezing her tightly until her body was almost numb. When he let her go she swore she felt like half a person, ripped from someone meant to be sown to her side. It didn’t feel right, but she let him open the door anyways. 

“Goodnight, Dr. Valentine. I’ll see you around.” He clenched his teeth, his cheeks hollowing out against the tension in his mouth. He stared into her eyes even as the door began to slowly close, and neither one of them could look away. 

Her legs had no more strength to offer, she could feel her knees buckle and she couldn’t linger any longer. She finally turned away and the door shut with a click, leaving her utterly alone in a bland, sanitized hallway. Her feet carried her to the elevator but her cheeks were already wet with tears. 

The tears started as a trickle and then streamed freely down her face until she could taste them on her lips. 

The chime of the elevator rang through her entire body like a physical force, halting her thoughts with a trance-like effect. She felt the weight of her purse in her hand become incredibly heavy, pulling her to the floor. The elevator doors opened, revealing a completely empty lobby, so quiet that the silence sounded off like static. 

She felt paralyzed, swaying slightly as she demanded her body to take a step out into the lobby. She could make it home by midnight and get a few hours of sleep before she was on call. A home where nobody knew what she had gained and lost in two nights. Then back to a hospital where her sorrow was the most minuscule example of suffering and loss. It was meaningless, all of it, because as soon as she left the building, everything that had tied her to Ethan Ramsey was reduced to memories. 

There was no proof they had loved each other so intensely, no one to tell their story. 

This isn’t how it’s supposed to end, she thought to herself. They had searched for serendipity in the past, a sign they were meant to be along. But then the elevator chimed again, and the moment the doors began to close her back inside; her phone rang.

With shaking hands she lifted the phone to her ear and watched the lobby become a sliver between two doors. 

“I can’t watch you leave again,” he said quietly through the phone, desperation clear in his voice. 

“I can’t keep doing this, Ethan.” She wiped her eyes and tried to steady her hand, worried she was about to drop the phone. “It hurts more every single time.” 

“I’d rather wake up to you in ten years knowing I tried too hard than waking up alone knowing I never tried at all. I don’t need a sign, I just need to fight for you, for once. Do you think you could let me fight for you?” 

Her head was spinning, she swayed to the left and quickly put out a hand to the wall to steady herself. She took a deep breath and turned around, facing a mirror in which her appearance stared her down. 

She looked exhausted, her face swollen from crying and her hair a disaster from their intimacy on the couch. Her whole body vibrated with the intensity of her feelings and she was face to face with the misery in her entire demeanour. Was she doing this to herself? 

She took a deep breath and turned back, pushing a button and sighing in defeat. She couldn’t be the one inflicting her own pain anymore, she wouldn’t. What did she really have to lose anymore? 

“I do, Ethan. I’ll let you fight for me this time.”

Note: Some of this sounds so ridiculous but the sad part is this is how dramatic so many encounters with my ex used to be like. Just the level of intensity and the weight of walking away with no certainty. Yesterday I noticed that the last silver chain bracelet my ex gave me to wasn’t on my wrist anymore. I’m extremely sentimental and it hasn’t come off my wrist in three years until now. I can’t believe it’s gone? You can probably tell how tired I am. I also didn’t save this twice, and had to rewrite really long parts so this took forever to finish. This isn’t my best work but... oh well. 

Tagging: @ethandaddyramsey @binny1985 @openheart12 @bellcat2010 @edith-eggs1 @missmiimiie @queenofspades6 @schnitzelbutterfingers @longneckramsey @queencarb @kaavyaethanramsey @ethxnrxmsey @jooous @blazerina @choices-lurker @itsgoingnuts @lilyvalentine @aworldoffandoms @choices-love-affair @nooruleman @mkamra2355 @whimsicalreader 

[thecatsrippedpajamas]

THE PROBLEM WITH PRIDEFALL, EVEN IF IT’S NOT REAL: HOW THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE, IS STILL HAPPENING, AND WILL HAPPEN AGAIN, AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE READ THIS REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT/HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT PRIDEFALL

I woke up this morning to a ton of posts about pridefall, and reblogged a bunch of stuff before soon finding out it had been “blown out of proportion”. I will not remove those posts. Just because pridefall has been revealed to be much, much smaller than we thought does not mean we shouldn’t think about it. I’m going to tell you why.

If you don’t know what pridefall is/was, it is a small group on 4chan who want to go to Proud people’s social media posts and do/say bad shit to them. At first, everyone assumed it was a massive group that everyone had to worry about, but it is slowly being revealed to supposedly be just a few people. Of course, everyone had already panicked and spread the word about it before fully looking into it, including myself, but you know what? That’s okay.

Some people now are saying that people are stupid for believing pridefall might be a problem, and to those people: Fuck you.

If you think someone is stupid for believing they might be outed to people: Fuck you. If you think someone is stupid for believing they were about to get heavily made fun of and threatened: Fuck you. If you think someone is stupid for believing they might get doxxed, and therefore beaten, r*ped, and/or m*dered: Fuck you.

Here’s why I’m saying fuck you and here’s why we still have to worry, even if “pridefall” isn’t a huge group of people:

NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO THINK THEY ARE ABOUT TO BE OUTED WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT. NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO THINK THEY ARE ABOUT TO BE THREATENED. NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO THINK THEIR LIFE IS ABOUT TO BE IN DANGER.

EVEN IF PRIDEFALL ISN’T REAL, THE FACT THAT IT COULD HAVE BEEN IS STILL A PROBLEM.

Some people have recognized this. Some people have not.

If you are in the Community (any community, including being a race other than white) this should worry you. Because it’s already fucking happened. Every damn day people like us are taken down for no reason (Tony McDade, George Floyd), so something like pridefall, even if it is small or fake, is still a threat to us. THREATS WITH NO ACTION FOLLOWING THEM ARE STILL THREATS.

And here’s the thing: I’ve seen plenty of proof to say that pridefall is “only a small group of people”, but nothing saying it isn’t a thing at all. That means there potentially is still an organized group out there that are planning on doing hurtful things to people! And to some of those people who are threatened, a small group of people will be enough.

A small group of people, even one person, could be enough to destroy someone. To k*ll someone. To make someone k*ll themselves.

And some of you people are calling that person stupid for worrying.

We should not be happy that the amount of pridefall people is smaller than we thought. We should not be happy about it until we are sure the number is zero. Because even if one of us passes on because of something like this, it should be a tragedy. It is a tragedy. It’s not okay.

But the number will never be zero, will it? Because just because the “pridefall” group is longer doesn’t mean there’s no people out there who are still horrible to us. THERE ARE STILL MILLIONS OF PEOPLE OUT THERE, OUTING US, DOXXING US, BULLYING AND HARASSING US, K*LLING US. WHETHER OR NOT THEY HAVE A GROUP ON 4CHAN SHOULDN’T FUCKING MATTER. Did you all forget that this was happening? That it’s been happening for a hundred years and will happen for a thousand more unless we do something about it?

And it’s happening in our own community! Proud people discriminating on race. Proud people acting like certain sexualities and gender orientations don’t or shouldn’t exist. The people who do that shouldn’t be proud. They’re nearly as bad as the people we’ve been trying to fight.

My point is that some of you are acting like we shouldn’t be worrying, when we really should be. People are still going to be absolutely awful during every Pride month we have, regardless of if they are part of an organized group.

Now, I’m not saying we panic. I don’t want people staying off the internet for the entirety of Pride month, missing out on loads of support, just because they are scared. Not at all. Just that we be careful. Always. Because someone, someday, might come for you, and you need to be prepared.

Below are some things I suggest you do if you are worried about or are getting harassed online for being Proud. These are merely suggestions and are not perfect so please don’t sue me.

How to avoid it:

Honestly, there’s no way to completely avoid it. If you are extremely worried, though, and have a lot to lose (maybe you aren’t out irl, yet), then I suggest quietly taking down any blatantly prideful things from your social media. I despise telling people to do that, but I honestly don’t know how much of a problem that could cause some people, so that’s my suggestion.

What you definitely need to do is REMOVE ANY AND ALL PERSONAL INFO FROM SOCIAL MEDIA except maybe one of your names. This is more a general internet safety thing.

What to do if it happens to you:

The best thing you can do would be to ignore/delete/block/flag/report any negative things you see, without saying a word.

THEY WANT A SAD, SCARED, OR AGGRESSIVE RESPONSE; DO NOT GIVE THAT TO THEM. I REPEAT: DO NOT GIVE THEM A SAD, SCARED, OR AGGRESSIVE RESPONSE. IF THEY SEE THAT YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GIVE THEM THE RESPONSE THEY WANT, THEY WILL LIKELY LEAVE YOU ALONE.

Even if you’re sad/scared/angry about what they said, do not respond that way. That will just make them do more.

If you do feel the need to yell at them, a good thing to do is pretend they are in your room with you and argue with them there. Get your anger out somewhere else so you don’t give them the response they want.

There are good ways to respond, and I will list them below the cut, but it’s better to not respond at all.

Talk to a therapist if you have one handy.

If they say they have any of your personal info, report it. If you feel threatened enough by it, or especially if you think they found your house or if they actually contact your phone number/email address, REPORT IT TO THE POLICE. I know cops are kind of scary right now, but someone threatening you in this way is unbelievably dangerous.

I ASK THAT PEOPLE PLEASE SPREAD THIS POST AROUND TO HELP ALLEVIATE ANY MISINFORMATION OR RUDENESS TOWARDS EACH OTHER BECAUSE OF THIS WHOLE PRIDEFALL SITUATION. THE WORLD IS A SCARY PLACE RIGHT NOW. LET’S DO OUR JOB AND TRY TO MAKE IT A LITTLE BETTER.

How to respond in a good way:

You could CALMLY tell them you have/will report them to either the social media itself or the police. Many of these people are actually extreme cowards and will back off after you say this one or two times.

If you’re like me and think getting hate is a little funny, you could give a quick response like “lol” or “not today thanks” and then not responding anymore. Like I said earlier, if they see that you are not going to give the reaction you want, they are likely to go away. But the key is to not be aggressive while doing this.

Turn your response into something nice and helpful! Say something like “you saying that makes me think you may have had a troubled life and you are therefore lashing out. Here are some great places to find therapy for anyone who needs it!” and then link to some therapy sites. If they tell you to k*ll yourself, say something like “I don’t think anyone should do that. If anyone is thinking about that, here are some numbers you can call to get help” and then list some hotline numbers. Or you could find a really good website or something that explains why Pride is good, needed, and helpful for people. Maybe the person being rude doesn’t even understand what they’re so against.

If someone says something religious that is also rude, remind them of some things they may have forgotten from the Bible. The 6th commandment: do not murder. The 9th commandment: do not tell lies about others. Matthew 7:1-5: do not judge others. Matthew 7:12: treat others how you want to be treated. Mark 12:31: love your neighbor. (Also, you “going to hell” has nothing to do with them, so they have no real reason to use that against you.) DO NOT BASH ON THEM JUST BECAUSE THEY FOLLOW A RELIGION. NOT ALL RELIGIOUS PEOPLE ARE BAD AND NO RELIGION IS INHERENTLY BAD. SOMEONE BEING AN ASSHOLE IS SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT THEMSELVES, NOT THE RELIGION THEY ARE ABUSING.

[freddiesaysalright]

Peace Like A River - Epilogue

A Gwilym Lee x Reader Story

Summary: Reader has found her peace in Gwilym. Violet shares how much it means to her on a special day.

Word Count: 1.6K

Tag List: @psychosupernatural @someone-get-a-medic, @bensrhapsody, @deakyclicks, @crazylittlethingcalledobsession, @minigranger, @simmisblog, @assembledherethevolunteers, @lookuptotheskiesandsee, @readinghorn, @riddikuluslypotter, @doingalrightt, @misslolasworld, @lemurian-starship, @ravenedges-lies, @painkiller80, @imgonnabeyourslave, @crazyweirdocalledfriday, @ixchel-9275, @sincerelygmg, @lv7867, @unicorn-princess-1999, @delilahmay39, @chlobo6, @dragon-out-of-water, @radio-hoo-ha, @agentmalfoy24601, @thigh-your-mother-down

A/N: Here is the super sappy promised epilogue! Y’all it is GUSHY but after such a wild ride, I thought they all deserved some pure love lol. Thank you all so much for the love you’ve shown this story. I had so much fun writing it and seeing how all of you reacted to the twists and turns. Please enjoy the last part of Peace Like a River :)

Part I  Part II  Part III  Part IV  Part V  Part VI  Part VII  Part VIII  Part IX  Part X  Part XI

Epilogue here we go!!!

You twisted one last curl around Violet’s face and pinned it carefully to the back of her head. She smiled at her reflection in the mirror. She was so beautiful, and you could see the excitement in her eyes. You leaned over her shoulder and kissed her cheek.

“Are you nervous at all?” you wondered.

She shook her head. “No. Jamie is it for me. I know it.”

You grinned. “I’m so happy for you, baby. I just can’t believe you’re getting married.”

“Mom,” she groaned with a roll of her eyes, but she was still smiling. “I know I’ll always be your baby.”

“Yes, you will,” you assured her, giving her another small squeeze.

“Mom, I need to tell you something,” she said seriously. “Before the others get here.”

“The others” you knew referred to her younger siblings - Sybil, Olivia, and Tom. Your brow furrowed. What could she not say to them?

“What is it?” you asked.

“I was in New York for that conference - about a month ago - and I...well, I met up with Henry.”

You blinked and stepped back. “How did it go?”

She looked at her hands folded neatly on her lap. “Not great. Especially not after I told him about Dad.”

After you and Gwilym were married, he adopted Violet officially. Only then did you give her her father’s last name, Lee. You could imagine Henry hadn’t taken that well.

You knelt down in front of her and took her hands.

“Did he hurt you?” you asked, heart rate quickening with worry.

“No,” she said, trying to smile but it came out as more of a grimace. “No, not physically. He just yelled at me for a bit. It was frightening, for sure, but I just walked away.”

“Do you regret going?”

“No,” she repeated. “I was always curious about him. Now I know.”

“Do you want to tell your dad?” you wondered.

“Not today,” she said. “But at some point, I will. It made me realize how grateful I am for him. I’ve always loved him, but that whole encounter just...made it abundantly clear why.”

“The best thing to do now is forget him,” you said. “You have a wonderful father who loves you very much.”

“I know,” she returned, smiling in earnest now. “I know I do.”

Just then, Gwilym appeared in the doorway with Sybil and Olivia. They both gasped when they saw Violet and immediately began gushing about how great she looked. She beamed at her little sisters and embraced them excitedly. Gwilym stood frozen, eyes wide and mouth slightly parted. You chuckled and slipped an arm around his waist.

“Shocked?” you questioned.

He nodded stiffly. “I can’t believe that’s our little girl.”

“I know,” you agreed. 

“I mean, I still remember her with whipped cream on her face and saying Merry Breakfast,” he said. “That feels like it was yesterday.”

“To me too,” you said. “But she’s not a little girl anymore.”

“No, she’s not,” he said. “She’s about to make Jamie the luckiest man in the world. Second to me, anyway.”

You giggled and kissed him on the cheek. Violet finally shook off her sisters and approached you and Gwilym. As she looked at him, you saw her eyes shining with tears. He wrapped her up in his arms.

“Scared, love?” he asked.

She shook her head. “No, I just love you so much.”

“Aw, I love you too, sweet girl,” he returned. “Are you ready? Jamie’s waiting for you.”

She took a deep breath and grinned. “I’m ready.”

Tom was a groomsman, so he was with Jamie. He was waiting to walk Sybil and Olivia down the aisle first. Then you and Gwilym would follow with Violet. She had insisted on you both giving her away for equality’s sake. You waited with her at the front of the aisle and you saw her squeeze Gwilym’s arm. The music changed and it was time for the bride to make her way to the groom.

The ceremony was beautiful. You cried through their vows - which Jamie and Violet had written themselves. Gwilym actually held up very well. You could see how happy he was for them. But he didn’t cry. He did put his arm around you to comfort you.

As the happy couple made their way back down the aisle as husband and wife, you leaned into Gwilym. He pressed his lips to your temple and whispered how much he loved you, exactly as he had done on your own wedding day. You closed your eyes and just let him hold you for a moment, taking you back to that time.

The reception hall was lovely. It was simple, with just a few lights scattered around to create a soft, warm glow. After pictures were over, you all settled at the head table with the bride and groom. Violet was absolutely glowing. She gave Jamie a sweet kiss and then she stood up, clinking a fork against her champagne glass. The room quieted and turned eyes on her.

“Thank you, everyone, for being here on this special day,” she began. “I feel so blessed to have so many friends and family who care for me and Jamie. We are truly grateful.”

She paused and took a deep breath.

“I wanted to say a few things before we get too far into the reception,” she said. “Some things that have been weighing on my heart in the days before my wedding.” She turned toward you and Gwilym. “Mom, Dad, as I thought about marriage, I realized I was ready because of the example you set. Watching you two instilled in me tools for navigating a partnership that have been fundamental in my relationship with Jamie, and will continue as the pillars of our marriage. Things like respect, understanding, open-mindedness, and most importantly unconditional love. I knew Jamie was the one for me because I recognized these qualities in him. Qualities I’d seen from the two people I admire most in the world.”

She took a sip of champagne.

“Gotta drink before this part because it’s about to get emotional,” she joked, and everyone chuckled.

“Mom,” she said, meeting your eyes. “To me, you’ve always been strength. You have survived so much, and you went through a literal hell for me. And yet, you never made me feel unwanted or like a burden. You have taught me to demand respect for myself and to work hard for the things I want. You’ve taught me more about loving myself than I could even conceive of. And you’ve shown me the value of taking chances. You are my biggest cheerleader, confidant, and friend. You are my inspiration. I love you so much.”

She finished with a smile. Through watery eyes, you blew her a kiss. She met Gwilym’s gaze then, and you saw tears spring to her eyes.

“Dad,” she said shakily, and she had to swallow the lump in her throat. “This is gonna be hard, but I promise I’m really happy.”

He laughed and smiled warmly at her. She cleared her throat.

“Dad,” she began again, stronger this time. “I don’t remember it, but I’ve been told the story of how I chose you my whole life. One day, I called you ‘Daddy’ and since then, you just were. I love that story, and I think it’s so incredible that I selected you out of all the men in the world to be that for me. But, um…” she trailed off, her bottom lip quivering. “But you chose me too. Lots of men would have run screaming from everything that Mom and I meant. But you stayed, when you had every reason to step back. No one would have blamed you. But you didn’t. So yes, I chose you once. But you chose me and my mother over and over and over again. And you gave us all of you every single day.”

She sniffled and paused again. A tear slid down her cheek.

“You’ve shown me what a good man looks like,” she choked out. “You’ve shown me what a good father looks like. You’ve shown me what love looks like. Thank you for choosing us.”

You looked over at Gwilym and saw tears flowing down his face. He was trying to wipe them away, but quickly decided it wasn’t worth it. He got up and reached his daughter in two strides, completely engulfing her in his embrace. You saw her shoulders shake with a sob as she beamed up at him, no longer bothering to hold back her tears either. You watched them together and felt like your heart was breaking and also dancing around inside your chest. 

Gwilym held Violet tight. He was overwhelmed with affection for her in this moment, though he never thought it possible to love her any more than he already did.

“I love you, my girl,” he whispered. “I will always choose you.”

She laughed through another sob and kissed his wet cheek. “I love you too, Dad.”

They made it through and finally, Jamie took Violet’s hand and led her out to the dance floor for their first dance. They’d actually gotten lessons to dance a foxtrot to Queen’s “You’re My Best Friend.” You looked at Gwilym, still dabbing your eyes.

“I can’t believe she did that,” he sighed. 

“I know, she got us good, huh?” you teased.

He laughed. “Look how happy she is.”

“We did okay with her,” you said, leaning on his shoulder.

“More than okay,” he replied. “She’s perfect.”

“Well done,” you told him. With a smile, you added, “Dear Friend.”

He kissed your forehead and smirked. “You as well, Dear Friend.”

Together, you watched your other children join Violet and Jamie on the floor. Your family was growing, and would continue to grow as each of them found their way in the world. You and Gwilym would always be there for them, providing a home, and showing them love. You were their peace, and they were yours.

[purplesurveys]

807

Have you ever laughed at someone because they had a funny name? No, that sounds awful. I had so many kids laugh at me because of my name when I was younger, so I’ve learned better than to do that. If I come across a weird name I’m more likely to judge the parents than the kid themselves. Speaking of names, why do celebrities always call their kids stupid ones? It’s not just celebrities who do these; they’re just famous so they get all the attention. Generally though I really don’t know why more and more people have been choosing to give their kids odd names. X Æ A-Xii in particular stresses me outtttttttttt PLEASE LOVE YOUR CHILD If you have a problem with someone, will you confront them? Depends on who it is and how big/personal my problem is with them. I won’t always confront someone; sometimes it’s best to act like you don’t care. How do you like your tea? (: Iced, lemonade, and with a lot of sugar. Do you get car sick easily? No, only if I do something to induce motion sickness like reading or texting.

What did you want to be when you were a kid? The earliest occupations I wanted to have were firefighter, astronaut, and a veterinarian. When I got a little older I wanted to become an author. Insert funny memory here:  My favorite story to hear from my friends was when my org had a get-together shortly after we got new officers elected (myself included), and when I got drunk enough I was apparently announcing the suspensions of newly-inducted orgmates I was yet to know more, effective immediately loooool. It was part of my ~powers so I guess that’s why I spent nearly the whole evening doing that. I made sure to apologize to those people the day after. :(( Do you think you're a good conversationalist? Why is that? Yes, when it comes down to it. I pride myself on being a good listener – pair this with the fact that I’ve also learned to ask good questions through the years as a journalism student – so this ability usually includes being able to catch on to the little details they say. From there, I’m able to ask them questions I know they’d love to answer. My trick in conversations is to just have people talk about the things or hobbies they love, because time usually flies by then. Are you more likely to be called a hard worker or lazy? Hard worker. What is your sense of humour like? It’s pretty flexible. I can laugh at kiddie jokes, dark jokes as long as they are not blatantly offensive and harmful, and at the same time I can laugh at dank memes that make absolutely no sense whatsoever.   Do you think you're fairly intelligent? In what way? Yeah, but it’s book smarts more than anything else. I like reading and racking up new knowledge, memorizing things, acing tests, etc. I don’t consider myself street smart at all sadly lol, and I’m still super dependent on other people when it comes to crossing the road, commuting (if I have to), bargaining, etc. How do you like your eggs? Poached or scrambled. Do you enjoy visiting your relatives? I look forward to the food being served more than anything else, because Filipino family reunions don’t fuck around when it comes to the preparations haha. Other than that, I’m always a bit wary when visiting family because Filipino relatives also tend to come up with the worst introductory statements: “You’ve gotten so fat,” “Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend yet?” and “I don’t like what you’re posting on Facebook” are just starters. What's your favourite thing about the nearest upcoming holiday? That would be Independence Day, and I like that it’s solely ours. Our independence day used to be on July 4th to be the same as America’s, but a past president changed it to June 12th so we can instead commemmorate the day we gained independence from Spain, instead of sharing our independence day with a colonizer. Have you ever been on a float in a parade? What were you doing on it? No, I haven’t. Have you ever had a strange compliment? What was it? I’ve probably gotten one or two of them but I don’t keep comments like those in my memory, so there’s a very good chance I’ve forgotten all about them. When was the last time you had deja vu? I don’t really remember exactly when but it was sometime within the last week. Have you ever had a dream in black and white? I don’t think so. I’d remember it if I have. What about a dream with no sound? Nope. What is something you find interesting but would never pursue as a career? Astronaut. It’s such an awesome job and I look up to everyone who does it, but for me it’ll always stay as a fantasy career. I’m simply not good enough at science to understand how stuff in space works; plus I get dizzy extremely easily and that’s not gonna work well for me when it’s time to board the spaceship lol. What types of people do you tend to avoid? Racists, homophobes, and fanatical Catholics. What is one personality trait a potential friend must have? They must have an introverted side. I can’t deal with people who are super active 24/7. Have you ever seen someone slip on a banana peel? Nope, I’ve only mostly seen that happen in Mario Kart hah. Have you ever been in a helicopter? I have not. What is a colour you love that's not your favourite? Maroon. Where would you like to travel to? Anywhere outside the house would be a great start. I’d love to get to go inside a mall, any mall. What colour is your car? / What colour would you like it to be? My car is white, and I’m happy with it being white. It looks clean and sleek that way, for me. Does anything hurt on your body right now? What? No but I’m feeling a little hot. I need a shower. What is your favourite mode of travelling? Road trip or by plane. Have you ever had Chickenpox? I haven’t. Dreading the day it comes to me because I just know it’ll be a million times worse as an adult. Can you roll your eyes into the back of your head? I can but it’s very uncomfortable and I don’t do it at all. I only did it often as a kid, whenever I wanted to scare off my sister or make funny faces with my cousins. If you have online friends, do you think you'd get on in real life? Yes, I think so. I’ve only had one negative experience with an online friend who turned out to be a dipshit, but I like to keep optimistic when it comes to my other friends.  Who is your favourite animated character? Answered this in another survey, but Spongebob. I also took a big liking to Mr. Peanutbutter from BoJack Horseman since he was the only one who kept me happy throughout the show hahahaha. Are your favourites often what the majority like? Like, in relation to my above answers? I know a lot of people didn’t really like Mr. Peanutbutter because he was horrible at reading Diane’s love language and due to his tendency to mask reality with humor and general immaturity, so there’s that. Spongebob is pretty much universally loved by everyone who has seen the show, though. If you could have anything for dinner tonight, what would you choose? I did have dinner already and I was very happy with the sisig my dad made. I would have had it with soju, but I already drank coffee today and with my body just finishing up healing itself from my awful fever last week, I don’t wanna beat up my body by mixing coffee and alcohol immediately lol. Do you prefer sweet or savoury foods? Savory. Do you worry about eating too much? What about eating too little? I don’t really worry about either. I find that I eat a healthy amount of food for all my meals, so there’s little reason to overanalyze that department. Is it dark outside right now? Yes, it’s 10:30 PM. The moon has an interesting haze around it at the moment that makes it hard to miss, but otherwise it’s very dark. Do you get scared when it's a full moon? No. Do you think Jaffa Cakes are a cake or a biscuit? xP I don’t even know what those are and I’m too lazy to check. If you go anywhere, do you always buy souvenirs for people? Nah, just for Gab. What was the last toy you got in a cereal box? I don’t know, I don’t remember. The last time there was a toy in a cereal box we bought would probably be like 16 years ago lol. Hypothetically speaking, if you owned a charm bracelet, would you always make sure the charms meant something to you? Not really. I imagine I’d get charms just because I want to collect them lol. I know Pandora does a lot of charm collections, like Disney and Harry Potter. It doesn’t always have to mean something to me. Are you waiting on anyone coming home right now? No. Everyone living here is home now. Is it easy to make you gag? Nope. I watch pro wrestling dude, I’ve seen lots of disgusting stuff go down. It’ll take a lot before I gag. Do you like the way your voice sounds? Yes, I’m alright with it for the most part. Do you usually keep to yourself? This is pretty vague. You mean about my personal life? I’d say so. I normally would keep to myself but I’m also an open book, if that makes sense. Like I’m okay with spilling out my stories or emotions, but people have to come to me and ask for them; otherwise I’m just staying quiet. Can you see the stars from your house? Sure. Sky looks best when you’re at the rooftop though. How would you react if your favourite band made a song with your first name as its title? It would be on repeat for like three months lol. What is a word or phrase you've been told you overuse? It’s been years but a prof once told me I used “okay, so...” a lot as a transition when I report. I appreciated the comment though and since that time I’ve been more watchful of the phrases I use when I report. Are you considered an awkward person? I have my times, yeah. I’ve gotten considerably better in dealing with people though and usually it’s them that’s awkward now, not me lol. Has a career advisor ever helped you choose your ideal career? No, I’ve never met up with a career advisor before. If you were abandoned for a week, would you be able to fend for yourself? Yes, as long as instant food and some basic frozen food are accessible to me ahuhu. Is there a light on in the room you're in? Yes. Have you ever been friends with someone who was your complete opposite? YES, Gabie and I cannot be any more different. Sometimes I still wonder how she and I ended up being friends at all, but I chalk it up to our humor and the way our (very different) personalities manage to mesh well together. Have you ever wished you were an identical twin? If one, do you hate it? Not really. What day were you born on? Tuesday. What's your favourite number? Why did you pick that? I never really had a favorite number. Whenever I have to pick one I just say 4 just because it’s Beyoncé’s favorite and she uses it on literally every concert, show, etc. so I’ve come to encounter it a lot as well lol. What does your favourite perfume / deodorant smell like? A little fruity. Who's your favourite Disney character? Flynn Rider. Do you like having a favourite everything or do you enjoy keeping open? I like having a favorite everything but I also like keeping my options open just in case I ever wanna shift favorites. What's your favourite advertisment? Or do you find them all irritating? I don’t pick ads to be my favorite lol. They’re not irritating, but I just don’t particularly care about any of them.

[all-things-skam]

prompt: ele and edo making cute travel plans in bed after THAT scene. also could there be something where ele makes some joke about how many girls edo has been with and edo is like lol no i haven't been with a girl since u called me out at school and ele is all OH OKAY

Incantava first time they say I love you. 

Edoardo being all soft and cuddly with Ele after they had sex

I would love to read an incantava fic! Something fluffly

-

Title: Our summer together

Ship: Skam Italia | Eleonora Sava and Edoardo Incanti (Incantava)

_______________

She pushed a curl away from his face, a gleeful grin on her lips as she looked up at him, completely enamored. Edoardo’s whole face was smiling as he caressed her bare back, having reached nirvana.

“You okay?” he asked, his voice gentle and caring.

Eleonora nodded, tilting her head to kiss his collarbone, lips brushing the white gold of his chain. The delicate jewelry had always awoken her attention. He was never not wearing it which made Eleonora suspect that it wasn’t just a piece of jewelry.

“Do you want to go back to your friends?”

She didn’t want him to leave their love-nest but, it was his party. He’d have to go back at some point, he couldn’t leave his guests to themselves downstairs for the rest of the night.

“No.” Edoardo shifted, leaning to pull her against him and kiss her jaw tenderly. “I rather stay here with you.” He trailed his kisses up to her lips, hand sliding to her back when she hooked her leg on his hip, pulling her closer.

Breaking the kiss, he brushed their noses together, laying flat on his stomach, head on his grey pillow as he staregaze at the beautiful girl in front of him, still awestruck that she was [his] now. “I’ve waited for you for a whole year and, when I finally got you, we’re being forced apart.”

Eleonora bit her lip, sitting up on the bed, the sheets covering her breasts.

Since Edoardo announced her that he was accepted at an Ivy League college in America, she had shown nothing but proudness and joy but, deep down, his coming departure was worrying her. New York wasn’t next door; it was 4279 miles away from Rome. She was willing to give long distance a try but, you know what they say: far from the eyes, far from the heart.

“About that… I’m happy that you got accepted, but a part of me can’t help but be scared that you’ll find another girl in America.”

“Why would I want another girl when I already have the most beautiful one waiting for me at home?” he replied with a smug smile.

Eleonora rolled her eyes. “Stop it. I’m being serious.”

“So am I.” Edo propped himself on his elbow, dark irises smiling at her. “I’m crazy about you, Eleonora Francesca Sava. You’re all I see since the first time we met at Chicco’s barbecue…all I want.”

A scoff slipped past Ele’s lips and she spoke before she realized it. “Yet, you managed to bring five girls in your bed according to the trophy wall.”

Immediately, the mood shifted and Edoardo’s face blanched. He gulped thickly. “You’re right. I understand your doubts concerning my faithfulness. If I were you, I would have difficulty trusting myself too. But, I’ll tell you something: I haven’t had sex with anyone since you called me out last spring. It was tough but, I was determined to gain your heart. I was persistent but patient. Hell, I even messaged you every single day while you were in England without getting any answers. So, why would I destroy something I worked so hard to get?”

A silence installed itself, making Edoardo sigh as he waited for something he knew he wasn’t going to get. What could she say to this? He already knew her opinion about his past; he wasn’t proud of everything he had done but, no matter what he’d say, he still couldn’t change his past. What is done is done. The only choice is to move forward.

Surprisingly, his words got a small smile to form on Eleonora’s lips. It wasn’t fully there so he took her hand in his and brought it to his lips, kissing it. He watched her smile widen, knowing that the small gestures and touches meant a lot to her. Feeling like he was on a good lead, he continued his trail of kisses and waited until she was distracted enough to pull her down, making her laugh.

“Edo, no…” she said between laughs.

Edoardo grinned, knowing that making a girl laugh is the way to her heart.

.

The party had died down and Fede had kicked out everyone by now, leaving only Eleonora and Edoardo in the Incanti’s villa. While she put on a shirt to cover herself, Edoardo had gone downstairs to get them a late night snack, aka ice cream, and the brunette couldn’t be more satisfied when she saw the pistachio pot.

“So, have you decided yet?”

She furrowed her eyebrows, scooping a spoonful of the frozen dessert. “Decided what?”

“Our summer vacations,” Edo explained, extending his hand to play with Eleonora’s hair, thumb brushing her cheek. “Spain, Turkey, Paris, Croatia…we can go wherever you want.”

Gulping, Eleonora lowered her gaze, afraid to break his happy bubble. She wasn’t bathing in money like him. She couldn’t splurge on luxury trips across Europe, on a whim, whenever she wanted. Everything she had, she worked for it.

“I’m not sure I can afford any of that, I have to work this summer and-”

Edoardo shook his head, smoothing the creased on her forehead. “Don’t worry about money. Just tell me where you want to go.”

A blush coated her cheeks, suddenly feeling uneasy. Beside Filippo, no one had ever been there for her - not even her parents. All this was new and foreign to her. Someone who cared deeply for her, someone who would unhook the stars for her, someone who wanted give her the world. She didn’t know how to handle this.

“I-I can’t accept that, Edo. You spending so much money on me makes me uncomfortable.”

“A couple hundreds euros more won’t change anything to my dad’s bank account, Ele. I want to spend my summer with you; just the two of us.” He paused. “Don’t you want that too?”

“Yes, but-”

He shushed her, pressing his index to her lips. “What will our first destination be, Miss Sava?”

Ele sighed, giving in, and picked a country. “I guess we can go to Spain. I’ve always wanted to see the architecture. Everything so beautiful there.”

“It is. I’ve been once. You have to see Barcelona, you’re gonna love it. We can go see La Sagrada Família, Park Güell or even the Gothic quarters. There’s old gargoyles on the buildings and a magnificent cathedral.”

She had heard about every touristic attractions Edoardo talked about, but the way he talked about Barcelona so dreamily made Eleonora more excited to go and travel. She had seen those beautiful churches in thousands of pictures and was looking forward to visit them. She was also looking forward to walk hand in hand with Edoardo in Park Güell.

“And after Spain?” He stole a scoop of her ice cream and she narrowed her eyes, bringing the tub to herself, making Edo chuckle.

Eleonora pinched her chin. “Erm…maybe Croatia? It’s such an underrated country.”

“I heard the beaches there are breathtaking. The turquoise water, Plitvice Lakes national park…we could go zip lining or swim with stingrays.”

“Stingrays?” the brunette repeated, a bit surprised. “I would’ve took you for a shark person.”

Edoardo shook his head. “No. Sharks are overrated. Stingrays are much cooler,” he explained with a childish grin.

You could perceive Edo’s child heart through his words which made the brunette smile. Maybe he was one of those nerdy kids that loved to go to the aquarium and knew a bunch of facts about fishes and marine life? Or, maybe he never went to the aquarium. Maybe his parents were too busy to take him…just like hers.

Feeling a lump form in her throat at the thought of her childhood, Eleonora changed subject.

“Where do you wanna go?” she returned.

“Paris. I’ve never been to Paris…and this is the perfect time to go.”

“Why do you insist on going to Paris? So you can tell me the most cliché thing on top of the Eiffel tower?” She shook her head. “I refuse to go.”

He chuckled shaking his head. “I don’t need to go to Paris to tell you that.”

“Wha-” Eleonora whispered quietly, eyebrows furrowed as she looked up at him with confused eyes.

“I love you. I love you, Eleonora…you’re a part of my little family.”

The sincerity in his eyes almost made hers water. His little family. She was brought back to the radio episode: family has nothing to do with blood or time; sometimes just one person, even though you’ve known them for so little time, might become so special and important to be like family to you. She had always had a doubt that the last paragraph of the episode - the one Edoardo wrote - was his way of telling her he loved her, but this just confirmed it.

Before the emotions would take over her, she leaned for a kiss, tasting the pistachio ice cream on his lips.

“You’re a part of mine too.”

[pensurfing]

An Unapologetic Break

((First, Happy New Year lmao))

Its been brought up a few times within the community about ‘taking breaks’ and messing with the algorithm(s) that no one wants to take a break. It’s actually somewhat dishearting to hear that artists would rather run themselves down into the ground to keep playing tag with an ‘algorithm’ that loves them one month but hates them another. So I’m here to just say: “Take the damn break and stop making yourself stressy.” 

I have (but of course) two people in my life now and I keep them in my life because of (friendship yes, that is about 78% of it...) the fact that they make great writing points for when I want to make posts like these. 

Friend A: 

I’d even consider my bestie, and I don’t throw that word around to just anyone. Genuinely I adore her and she worries me. Always trying to catch up with algorithms and as well as put content up as quickly and as many as possible. To where seeing content from this person isn’t enjoyable and satisfying. It’s machine-like. Whenever I am not myself, I don’t draw. Because I can’t draw; my first thought when trying to draw is how to create content that has visual satisfaction that makes it worth the wait when I do make work. This is something where every time I am not myself, she stresses that I need to make work: It’ll make me feel better, low-key feed the algorithm so that way I don’t lose “followers”. But because I allow myself to identify as more than just “artist” and all its stereotypes, I enjoy my breaks and come back with more filling pieces and content to share with others. Whereas, because not only has she made artist her identity, she’s made it be a big chunk of her income as well.

Takeaway:

You can’t just identify as “artist” my friends. Whether that be writing, essayist, sculptor, editor, filmmaker, etc. It’s ok to be more! The only time that is allowed is when your mother is talking to “her little friends” and she explains it this way because this is her telling her ‘normal’ group what you do. 

Imagine being at a networking convention where they ask “So tell me about yourself,” and all you can say is “I’m an artist”. You will get looks. Everyone in that room is buddy, it’s our work. I asked, “tell me about YOURSELF.” Not your role, but if you love books; love traveling to see new environments; a burger joint hunter extraordinaire; self-proclaimed film critic; hobbyist musician; podcast fanatic; something. We all understand that drawing is what you love, but it isn’t 100% your identity and it’s ok if the only other thing you enjoy is music. Take a couple days off and listen to non-stop music then. It’s very exhausting to see artists not allow themselves to take a step back, and just enjoy themselves. The capitalist environment has caused us to not allow ourselves simple self-indulging hobbies. And I mean REAL hobbies. It sucks, but we as people need to understand that real hobbies are very mundane in today's society. It’s ok to not make money off a hobby, guys.

If I had the gall, I would tell said friend to take a week off of just drawing and remember a time where she wasn’t just “mom and artist”. What else besides what I can see on a profile is “you”? But I’ll save that convo for another day.

Friend B:

Annoys me to no end a good 48% of the time. (Yes, I pretty much have it calculated.) Not the best person to be around when it comes to certain topics, I keep them around mainly to keep my rhetoric sharp about my viewpoints and to always see and try to understand someone else's viewpoints. Because her’s aren’t as dangerous and are a lot of “agree to disagree”, I keep this one around. I visited them for the first time in a while and we had a pretty good time playing some tabletop games and roleplaying with others in a group. This time of year is “apply to go to this convention and wait on the invoice”. (I am so damn broke y’all. Help ya girl) I mentioned the invoices I had coming in and asked if they had applied to table at the convention I dragged her into last year. (In short: I talked my friends into being in artist alley last year and it didn’t go as well for them and it made me feel guilty. I thought they would have a similar spirit to me and just say “I’ll try again next year” but only one friend has somewhat kept that grind. The other I’m mentioning now, not so much.) 

So I ask her about if she applied and was going to try again since I know when last we talked she had MANY prints leftover and I got the very simple firm ‘No,”. It took me off balance but to somewhat quote what she told me:

“That convention actually broke me; I haven’t drawn since. I took a long break and I’ve just been enjoying content myself instead of just cranking out some. Maybe I’ll get back to it soon, but I’ve taken a pretty long break.” 

My initial reaction, of course, was pretty predictable; wide eye, I repeated words she said but more dramatically, and just respected that she needed the break. But then afterward (like ten minutes because thankfully my brain can work fast sometimes) I thought more on it: That took some real balls. Seriously. To allow yourself MONTHS (this convention was in JULY last year) of a break, enjoyment, and finding yourself to allow yourself to make content later was pretty impressive. It really does take a leap of faith to step away from income and something you enjoy to get back to knowing yourself and what you enjoy (or finding yourself and finding things you enjoy). She wrote a post about saying sorry and promising to her audience base about returning; I didn’t read it because I know when she does return it’ll be quality content.

She’s a DnD brainwasher, video game consumer, graphic novel enthusiast, feminist, and as well as an illustrator & animator. THAT I can say about her without her just identifying as one. 

Takeaway:

I’m not saying take a 6-month vacation unless you want to: That’s still in my mind wild lol. But if you need a month or months off trust your mind, body, and endurance that you need the break. My break is usually the time between after my birthday (November 15th) and New Years'. After (usually) doing a long Inktober month and finishing out the last ideas I have, I like to intake content I’ve seen all year round. I read, listen to music, explore my city a bit more, hang out with friends. My art usually reflects what is going on in my life and if I don’t have a life what can I draw besides “posing people” and maybe a background? That kind of content is empty in my opinion and I hope to never be my art.

Please please please, do not try and put yourself in a burnout situation because all you will do in the end is stress yourself out and pave the way for hating what you love doing. It’s not a fun ride at all. Take time to yourself for yourself and maybe catch up with what you have missed outside your studio/room. 

[[TRD: People are once again following some WILD trend that burnout culture is healthy and I am here to say stop it. They also must worship Instagram and or Facebook algorithm gods because they swear that constantly feeding it will make them viral afterward. It may happen, but is it rare. Please find time to yourself and the things you enjoy because when you are happy and enjoying yourself it reflects in your art and when you don’t well...]]