#also these are NOT direct quotes do NOT misunderstand

[joshuadunshua]

He’s got like this weird fixation on his acceptance as a man in gay cruising spaces, as though “being perceived as fuckable” is an example of systemic & systematic trans masc privilege? And he won’t look past his own experiences as a trans guy in these spaces to listen to other trans mascs. “I was considered fuckable by gay men even before I passed” congratulations???? Literally what the fuck is with the fixation on being fuckable?

[inkskinned]

so while i was writing the book, i became violently suicidal.

this was mostly due to the fact that i had a very bad reaction to some meds and my brain stopped producing any serotonin. also i was in the last semester of grad school where it's actually illegal to feel anything but dread. so it wasn't going well.

somewhere in the fog of it i became aware i needed help. nobody was taking clients or my insurance. i didn't want to do inpatient care - it wasn't right for my needs. there's not really an "in between" stage between "inpatient" and "no care," but i was trying to do the right thing. i was trying to activate the chain of command that was my emergency plan. i knew i needed help now.

i used betterhelp.

i know, i know. i'm a straight-A student and so smart and so clever, how could i ever use something so blatantly bad. to be honest with you, i didn't feel particularly keen on it from the getgo - things that seem too good to be true usually are. also, if something online is free, the price is usually your privacy.

the thing is that there was kind of a global pandemic happening at the time and i worked 5 jobs alongside of being a fulltime student and also like writing a book on the side. it is a miracle that i even thought about getting help. i would love to tell you i had the mental wherewithal to like, process whether this was the right choice for me. mostly i was desperate. i was so suicidal that i was trying to find a reason to stay inside of fortune cookies. i was the kind of suicidal that looks like splatterpaint. i hadn't been that bad in an entire decade.

they took my data. i gave them it freely. somewhere out there, they have a dossier on me. on everything i survived. my story in little datapoints, scattergraphed beautifully.

the first woman told me that really i should be grateful, because (and this is a direct quote): "at least you're not anne frank." i said that i felt that statement was antisemitic, as anne frank's life and experience shouldn't be compared to like, a nonbinary lesbian in western massachusetts. the therapist said that i should try to use lucid dreaming to try to picture myself in an actually scary situation, like running from nazis.

i applied for another therapist. i was willing to accept the possibility that there was a bad apple in the bunch. the next therapist and i even laughed about how inappropriate that statement was. and then, in our next session: the new therapist said if i was struggling with body image issues, i should just work harder on my appearance. she spent 3 sessions in a row talking about how she was grieving, and made me memorize facts about her grandmother so "she can live on through my clients."

i am a three's-a-charm kind of person. okay, so what if the last person made me uncomfortable. i figured it was just a misunderstanding of priorities - she had felt she was sharing with me, i had felt like i had to take care of her. i applied for another therapist.

the last woman asked me to help her pray. she bowed her head. i stared at her, frozen, while she said: lord, i beg you: cure her. take the pain of being gay away from her.

i spent somewhere between 2.5 and 3 months on betterhelp. in that whole time, i was not getting the professional help i so desperately needed, even though i was fucking trying.

in the end, i survived this because i finally could get off the meds that were literally killing me. a request for a real therapist finally went through. i survived because my friends saved my life. because nick let me sob myself dry in his arms. because maddie took the razors out of my room when i asked them to. because grace slept over in my bed for like 3 weeks in a row since nobody trusted me not to hurt myself when i was alone. i survived because i got fucking lucky. because even when i was desperately suicidal, i was too old and too self-aware to take "you need to be prettier" as good advice.

the thing is that there's a 19 year old me who isn't like that. who would have heard "just think about how grateful you should be" and said - oh, i see. i would have assumed that is what it means to be in therapy: the same thing my abusers used to tell me. that i am just pretending and lazy. that i am ugly and unworthy.

betterhelp positioned itself to take advantage of an incredibly vulnerable community. it preys on desperation. it knows it is serving people who are not doing well mentally. it saw that there is a huge need for real, immediate, compassionate mental health care: and then it fucking takes your money and privacy.

i still get their ads on instagram. last night i watched as a woman in a pool pretends to talk to a different woman. they discuss her anxiety.

there's a 19 year old version of me, and she didn't survive this. she was too tired, and drowning. i almost fucking died. this thing almost fucking killed me.

in the ad, the woman playing the therapist takes a note on a clipboard and then nods once, sagely.

i have to admit it's a pretty scene. the steam and light coming off the pool water lands on the actresses. like this, it almost looks baptismal, holy.

[velvees-archive]

Making my case for ManoSouta, Ace Attorney’s token doomed yaoi

Bronco knew, and still he told nobody.

Ace Attorney Investigations 2 full game spoilers ahead!

Chalk it up to lucky guesswork or my expertly honed writer’s intuition (sarcasm), but so rarely do I latch onto side ships that when I found myself gravitating towards Bronco (Manosuke Naito) x Simeon (Souta Sarushiro, hence ManoSouta) simply because of this line, I knew something was up…

…and boy was I right.

Simeon Saint’s fall from grace was a direct consequence of subjection to a corrupt justice system and equally as corrupted individuals. There was his father, who saw Simeon’s existence as a means to an end (the end being a pharmaceutical “recipe” book that could cure Gusto’s affliction and a shiny world class confectioner title), his best friend, who kidnapped him and almost killed him on his dad’s orders, and—if that wasn’t enough to destroy someone’s psyche—there was the presidential assassination trio, who tormented, interrogated, and dangled their judicial and executive power over him like a special-brand curse.

This is a character who hit rock bottom so long ago he believes nothing is left of him except agony, paranoia, and anger. He crafts an intricate revenge plot that dishes Simeon-esque justice to everyone who wronged him. The acts are performed mercilessly, too, no hesitation, regret, or unnecessary feelings involved in the flawless execution of his plan.

Well, almost.

There was one person in the same boat—no family, no longstanding companionship (barring each other)—who set Simeon’s descent in motion. Ironically, it is also through this person that we’re shown what remains of his humanity.

For me to talk about Simeon’s feelings as shown before we found out he was the mastermind, though, we have to see how he reacted after the big reveal. Upon being fingered as the villain, Simeon makes it clear he does not feel remorse towards any of the people “he” killed. After all, they drew first blood; Simeon firmly believes retaliation was warranted.

That is, until Miles clarifies the following points surrounding Simeon’s kidnapping, his memory loss, and the fate of his and Bronco’s fathers:

The reason Simeon was kidnapped wasn’t so Bronco’s dad could kill Simeon’s; Bronco was only meant to stall Simeon so he couldn’t help his dad win the confectionary competition finale

When a murder did occur, the victim of the murder was not Simeon’s dad, but Bronco’s.

This is how Simeon responds:

“He deserved to die!…Didn’t he?”

This line, in conjunction with the contemplative flashback shown in the video, conveys Simeon’s uncertainty/regret about inciting Knight’s murder, though one could argue this is only in reaction to the revelation rather than a lingering attachment to Knight, who he “stopped thinking” was his friend 18 years ago.

But then he follows it up with this.

“Then what was all this…for…!?”

At this point, you have to ask yourself why Simeon is questioning his entire plan (keyword in the quote is all, not just Bronco’s death) because he realized whose father actually died. Technically speaking, Bronco did still kidnap him. On top of that, everyone else Simeon exacted revenge on still wronged him, so it makes no sense to say this unless Bronco’s supposed role in “Simeon’s” father’s death was pivotal in Simeon’s decision to proceed with his whole plot. In other words, the reason Simeon questions his plot after Miles’ clarification is because this fundamental misunderstanding was what pushed him to take revenge on everyone in the first place. Bronco’s betrayal weighed so heavily on him that Simeon had no choice but to kill him in line with his principles, but he didn’t actually want to.

I’m not saying he wanted to spare Bronco because of the power of friendship or some misplaced sentimentality. It was inevitable that Bronco would die by Simeon’s hand because Simeon vowed to get his revenge on everyone who hurt him. What I am saying is that Simeon’s resolve is clearly shaken once Bronco’s role in his suffering is cleared up. As soon as Simeon realized Bronco’s dad didn’t murder his dad, he regretted killing his only friend. This is the only time Simeon shows remorse.

You might think Simeon’s hatred for Bronco stems from his kidnapping and its consequences, aka setting off the chain of events that would ruin Simeon’s life outside of “his” dad dying. However, Simeon doesn’t hold a grudge over Bronco for anything other than the kidnapping. The statement, “If you hadn’t detained me 18 years ago…it wouldn’t have had to…end like this” is vastly different from “If you hadn’t detained me 18 years ago, none of this would have happened.” His “hatred” for Bronco was a personal grudge he had against his best friend, who also happened to be the son of his dad’s killer. Bronco was on Simeon’s list because his betrayal stung Simeon most. “What was all of this for” really meant, “I wouldn’t have gone through with any of this if I knew you weren’t involved.”

Had Simeon truly hated him, it’d be difficult to justify why he snuck away from his carnival preparations to talk to Bronco. Why did he pay such an incriminating visit when he’d already delivered Bronco’s chess set during visiting hours? And why did he tell Bronco he snuck something into it, leaving him vulnerable to counterattack should Bronco tattle?

Why did he bother saying goodbye?

Simeon’s actions betray logic because try as he might to hate Bronco with all his heart, he cared. Bronco Knight’s betrayal was the straw that broke the camel’s back, but imagine if the misunderstanding had been sorted from the start. Simeon's reaction to wrongfully killing Bronco was a stellar portrayal of his desire for genuine companionship, and a peek into what remained of his humanity before he was unmasked. He really was all alone.

If you’re still not sold on them being the doomed yaoi representatives of Ace Attorney, if a misplaced desire for revenge cutting their time short doesn’t make this tragic enough, then consider this: Bronco legitimately cared for and trusted Simeon, but unlike Simeon, he was left completely in the dark.

He’s legitimately excited to see Simeon’s performance. He happily awaited Simeon’s chess correspondences because he just likes being around him!!

Perhaps the biggest sticking point in all of this is that Simeon admitted he put something in his chess set, Bronco definitely opened his chess set, and yet when it came time for Fifi Laguarde to interrogate him (aka when she discovers the chisel), Bronco does not tell her he doesn’t own it, he does not tell her he’s been set up, and he does not tell her his best friend—who the precinct knows visited him—is the one who put it there. Why didn’t Bronco tell her?

That’s the greatest pull of their dynamic: we don’t know. Maybe everything happened too fast. Maybe he did try to protest. Maybe he ratted Simeon out but Laguarde was already in hysterics. Maybe Bronco didn’t understand why the chisel frenzied the warden so, and paid the ultimate price for it.

Or maybe, just maybe, Bronco already knew the moment he saw the chisel. Maybe he died a knowing victim of Simeon’s retribution. Maybe he thought it better that the knowledge of their past—Paul Halique’s ring and Simeon’s secret hatred— dissolve with his last breath.

Worse yet, maybe he couldn’t believe Simeon would do something like this. Maybe he continued to have blind faith in him despite the damning evidence. Maybe he believed in him.

[relaxxattack]

Hi i want to thank you for the QPR vs Moirail venn diagram. Its a rly excellent way of showing the difference. My gripe is about human romance, and how people will either 1- conflate it in a 1:1 ratio with Matesprit, or 2- claim it is “all the quadrants”. I personally feel both are false equivalency, and that the human romance is similar to both pale and red rom* and SO i was wondering if you agreed w that assessment, or if not, if you have the time to explain your thoughts on human traditional romance vs the quadrants (perhaps w another nifty graph)?

* which is why Rose’s destructive tendencies during sburb & her descent into addiction on the meteor were not addressed by kanaya, who feared palezoning herself like she did with vriska

OH MY GOD! YES!!!! why am i getting such great asks today?!

no, you're EXACTLY right. people are constantly conflating matespritship in those two ways; "all of the quadrants" being especially irritating (since Some humans occasionally argue, Occasionally in a kinky way, and i guess that means that they totally have all of kismesissitude covered?? :/).

matespritship is its very own thing. of the two interpretations above, i feel the idea that it's 1:1 to human romance is the closest to true. i mean, that's what they literally say in the comic, for gog's sake.

humans do not truly incorporate moirallegiance, kismesissitude, or auspisticism into their lives in any meaningful way. while it's possible for humans to sometimes have romances that might seem more like one of those than matespritship, they're considered abnormal or toxic-- and they often ARE, because humans do not have the same sort of biological drives or social understanding of these things that trolls do. humans do not understand the true needs and ramifications, or even the ROMANCE of moirallegiance. humans would be hard pressed to understand a kismesissitude in a 'healthy' way. i don't even need to mention how auspisticism flies over people's heads.

so, yes, humans only have the one quadrant. (and karkat vantas, i am sorry to say, is not going to "human date" anyone as the "solution to his quadrant problems". this would literally be the same as him trying to stick only to matespritship, and we all know exactly how that turned out.)

however! matespritship is not an exact 1:1 on human romance either. the direct quote from the comic is;

"[It's] the closest parallel to the human concept of romance trolls have." [x]

this is not really expanded on much in the text, honestly-- the intricacies of the social and biological traits of matespritship aren't shown enough for us to draw clear distinctions between them and human romance.

however, i think you're right that rose and kanaya are the best example we have of that-- despite them both aiming for matespritship, they have cultural misunderstanding quite often from some of rose's flirting, or even just her needs, crossing wires into a pale threshold that kanaya is weary of.

it's entirely possible that the differences between troll and human "hearts" might have made it difficult for kanaya to really connect with rose's problems and discuss them with her.

which might explain why when things go "better" for them in the retcon, they're portrayed reading a book on troll romance together:

it could be implied here that searching for a more in-depth understanding of quadrants actually helped rose with her ability to connect to kanaya-- and maybe, reading into it a little too hard here, this also could have been an opportunity for kanaya to work through her vriska-based hangups with the pale quadrant. that's entirely speculation on my part, though.

at the end of the day, we don't really KNOW enough about the details of quadrants for me to paint a clear picture of how matespritship differs from human romance. i mean, i could try, but it would certainly be more of a headcanon post than an analysis one!

[a-sad-mage]

Circling back to the whole Will Shane possibly having murdered Tom Por thing-

It's like, never brought up again, other than the mental connection we the audience make during 'The New Kid pt 2' when Twist is telling Eli his backstory.

Like did Will actually kill Tom?

Or was it a misunderstanding???

Because it's very well implied that Will actually did do it.

The gang kinda confirmed Tom Por just... Vanished, and no one knew exactly what happened to him?

Sure, Dana says Will Shane murdered her father. But she has no solid proof other than what her father told her.

And we know when she says 'he found out Will Shane was working for the enemy'[not a direct quote] it was about the Shadow Clan. And that Tom was attributing the time Will spent away as time collaborating with them.

In reality, Will was just going top side to spend time with his family. And a small portion was actually spent with the Shadow Clan as they were collaborating in protecting Slugterra and it's secrets. To the point Will was given the Shadow Talker, and the recorded messages Will left for Eli that were curtesy of Shadow Clan.

So they were friendly.

circling back, Dana claimed her father found out about it. But it's clear he didn't know the full truth at that moment.

We know there was a possible confrontation between the two men.

And in that possible confrontation, Dana claims Will murder Tom.

Key point, Dana claims. She doesn't know for serten. She says she knows it's the truth- but here's the thing, no one knows for serten.

Eli rebuffs the idea, and again, the gang is not entirely convinced themselves.

In short, Dana is an unreliable source of information because she doesn't know the whole truth(no one but Will dose) and she's also blinded by her emotions.

Another thing that orb Dana is now using after having taken it, a thing I've taken to calling the Shadow Walker. The thing that let's her walk in the Shadows like she's Shadow Clan.

That to me, didn't belong to Will. Because when Dana makes off with it, none of that Shadow Clan chase her down, nor make an effort to track her down to get it back. (I think, I could be wrong, been a while since I saw the EP)

Key point, they let Eli keep the Shadow Talker. Like they show up, just to tell him that he can keep it. That it once belonged to his dad, and now belongs to him.

They make no real fuss about the Shadow Walker orb.

What if the Shadow Walker was Tom Por's?

What of when Tom confronted Will, and Will told him the truth about his partnership with the Shadow Clan?

It was established that Will and Tom were friends. Good friends, after all, Tom was Wills navigator, and you have to trust the person navigating you.

So what if, when Tom confronted Will, Will told Tom the truth about his dealings with the Shadow Clan?

What if Will took Tom to see the Shadow Clan, and as a show of good faith, and a favor to Will Shane, they gave Tom the Shadow Walker?

But something happened, something bad, that was out of everyone's control, and Tom unexpectedly died, just moments after getting it?

[Mabye even suddenly disappeared? Spirited away by some unknown force, leaving behind the Shadow Walker]

Will, devastated, takes the Shadow Walker and the Shadow Talker and put them in the box, cover it in a metal only a Lavalynx could melt and hid it.

Will for whatever reason, can't bring himself to tell Dana the truth, and he knows his emotions might get the better of him as a dad to a son around her age at the time.

So he makes one more request of the Shadow Clan in regards to the Shadow Walker.

Should Dana Por ever get her hands on it, let her keep it for better or worse.

Again all of this is speculation, the rambling of a mad person who is in desperate need of sleep. I could be wrong. This is mostly crap I thought up while making my OC lore for Slugterra. There is no real evidence.

So take this with a grain of salt.

Anyway, I'm going to bed, I have a Flan to cook tomorrow.

[bestworstcase]

are you willing to share the details on tdt! zhan tiri

behold my incomprehensible diagram!

um. after v9 i lost all sense of restraint, on the grounds that the blacksmith is an aspect of the tree and therefore the tree reasonably might have other aspects, and then there were four, and then there were twelve. lmao. (the artisan is the blacksmith—she’s depicted as a wood carver and lewis called her ‘the lively carpenter,’ so i figured she’d give herself a more nonspecific name.)

because i am also shaking heraclitus between my teeth like a terrier with a rat, Only One ever exists at a time; the tree is always becoming itself and its aspects shift and flow and transform into each other. in various directions and by varied means. ANYWAY,

those quartets (was/is/will-be) are not temporal categories but rather (copying straight from my lore notes here):

Presiding over forethought and remembrance, the Was concerns itself with what may be known: prophesy before, and memory after, for Time is the circle which remembers itself. It would be a mistake to say that the Is presides over, because the Is does not rule; but it might preside at the choosings, the turnings, the changings, and so the Is circumnavigates the Soul. Some things do not change—some things can never be changed—and over what is unchanging and unchangeable, the Will-Be presides: over strife, over hunger, over graspings, over flux.

was is about the flow of time and knowledge, is concerns action and choice, and will-be are manifestations of inevitability—things that Always Are. if you are uh. familiar with bitter snow zhan tiri i’m sure you can guess where she Goes…

The Reaper, called the Sitient Thorn and the Black Vulture and the Flower-Maker and the Goat-With-One-Thousand-Teeth and the Lady-of-Wilds and the King-of-Beasts—for she has been known by many names in many places—appears however she pleases, and it pleases her to change. Her fur and feathers are oil-dark; she crowns herself with the coal-black horns of a ram; her eyes glitter green; she reeks of vegetable rot and brine. Her true name, if she has one, might be the Wrathful Sky. All things want. Her season is Spring.

she is—as in bitter snow lmao—a little unusual in that she’s not a quote-unquote true aspect of the tree but rather something hungry that came from somewhere else, from the dark country which is nowhere. it is ESSENTIAL FOR HER CHARACTER that she’s a strangler fig. always. so she is kind of a quasi-parasitic trespasser into this Situation but also, in the same way that real stranglers protect their living host trees from being uprooted by storms, not an adversarial one necessarily.

what that means in practical terms is the reaper is the exception to a lot of the, for lack of a better word, “rules” that define the tree’s nature. in her aspect as an aspect of the tree, she takes on its nature; when she isn’t manifest within the tree, though, she exists outside and independent of it. so she can, for example, go for walkies in the backyard

by which i mean remnant. lmao

on remnant, the reaper is the god of animals. she didn’t make the fauni but once they came to be she decided she liked them Best and has favored them ever since. many, but not all, fauni receive her blessing, which (like that of the brothers) confers a magical gift, specifically a form of shapeshifting.

NOT like what the branwens can do—more in the vein of ‘cultivating’ the animal-like traits you already have as a faunus, so if (for example) you were born with shark teeth you might learn to rearrange your respiratory anatomy and grow gills, or give yourself sharklike skin. this can be done in a way that is permanent (this is called ‘ripening’) or not (‘borrowing’). most fauni who learn mix and match a bit (and there are different formal ‘paths’ that combine techniques in different proportions and intensities).

the gift itself is called khime and the practice is khimancy; humans often misunderstand khimancy as sort of a fauni tradition combining auralerie and konurgy (dust-magic) into a single art, but that is. um. Wrong.

(it is possible for master khimancers to fully turn themselves into an animal, but it takes a lot of dedication and many years of training to get there. the ones who get there are called turnskins and they’re rare, like on the level of silver-eyes rare.)

anyway the Reason not every fauni in the world receives khime is she only gives it to the ones who ask. asking is Really Simple—just a small ritual to get her attention, though the specifics vary a lot between different sects—and in many fauni cultures it’s seen as a rite of passage marking the end of one’s childhood. but because it’s a religious practice specific to khimerism, obviously not everyone Does It.

conversely, it isn’t Just For Fauni in the sense that a human could petition the reaper for her gift if they so chose, and she might say yes. for all intents and purposes this is Converting To Khimerism and under khimeric law makes you a faunus—although it won’t cause a physical alteration right away, there is a process for revealing your true form.

this is PRETTY RARE but not unheard of. there’s a handful of fauni folk heroes who are said to have been born human and either left in the wilderness as infants and being saved by fauni parents or outcast from human society and turning to the god of animals for solace; mythically speaking, the idea is that, just as the god of animals offered their gift to some humans who refused, perhaps there might be a very few humans whom they missed, or who weren’t born at the right time, and such people will find their own path to where they truly belong.

(IN CASE IT ISN’T OBVIOUS i’ve chosen to veer off the ‘racism allegory’ angle by leaning into the religious aspect of fauni identity; the narrative in ‘the shallow sea’ is essentially “we are our god’s chosen people and through this covenant we were changed” so—in the context of TDT where the god of animals and their shape-changing magic is real—if one chooses to convert and accept that covenant one can become a faunus. the reverse however isn’t true: one can leave the religion and relinquish the gift, but that doesn’t get rid of the fauni traits. nothing is erased, nothing forgotten.)

salem knows about her. (her opinion is chiefly “stop. trying. to eat. my. grimm.” they have tea sometimes it’s complicated.) ozpin thinks the god of animals is a myth, if a curiously persistent one. and the reaper is also like… at least half of remnant’s cryptids because when she’s out for walkies in the backyard most of the time she does it as a horrible mishmash Creature. when fauni characters say the Lady or the King they’re talking about her. she is both the Lady and the King because she doesn’t know what a gender is (and at this point she’s too afraid to ask) and she picks her pronouns on the basis of “i’ll have what my friend is having :)”

the god of light. HATES HER. she crawled in through the jabberwalker (no relation to the walker) (theophoric name) and latched onto the tree before the brothers could Get Rid of her and then made herself part of the tree Somehow!!! (you are what you eat) so now she just exists outside of his power.

(the brothers were both actually far more powerful than the tree when they left the ever after, because the tree is a passive force, it cannot act outside of itself, but the brothers had no power over the tree. so the reaper can’t overrule the god of light on his ultimatum—although she’d like to—but he can’t do anything to stop her from going for walkies. he just seethes impotently.)

[unknownfacelessfanfictions]

Warning

Fandom: Star Trek : Strange New Worlds Pairing: Hemmer x Counselor! fem! Reader Words: 3.9K Warnings: A bit of swearing Summary: They had an agreement that everytime Chris sent a very attractive person to the counselor office, he would warn her beforehand. Apparently they have a different understanding of attractive A/N: Don't take this too seriously. Also, I just watched the first three episodes of season 1 so if anything is not fitting with canon, forget it

@bigblissandlove1 I don't know if you have seen Strage New Worlds yet, so I just did it

Chris didn't know why or how he had done it this time, but he had fucked up, which he was more than aware of as he walked down the corridor.

To be honest, he wasn't really used to being ordered to a person, as this was mostly his job. Of course, M'Benga had called him to sickbay several times and a few times he had been called to the engine room, but he had usually known what the problem was.

Now, however, on his way to the counsellor's office, he had no idea what he had done. All he knew was that she had sounded anything but happy with him, which was reason enough to run in the opposite direction and hope that she would not find him.

He stopped in front of her door and took another deep breath before pressing the button and waiting. Moments later, the doors slid aside and Chris hesitantly entered.

She was already waiting for him. Instead of a blue uniform top, she wore a blue uniform jacket over a black top and leaned against her desk with her arms folded and a falsely sweet smile that was enough to send a shiver down his spine.

"You wanted to see me?"

For a long time she remained silent and simply looked at him, which slowly caused him to turn under her gaze.

Sedately, she sat down on the edge of her table and crossed her legs. "Can I ask you something, Christopher?"

Oh he had screwed up so badly. A bead of fear sweat ran down the back of his neck.

'Christopher' was reluctantly used by her, only when she had to lecture him.

Actually he didn't really want to answer her, however he knew he couldn't escape his end.

"Yes?"

She jutted her chin. "You remember that agreement we made years ago in that dodgy bar."

Slowly the nervousness faded and gave way to confusion. Of course he remembered that agreement, after all she had even insisted on writing it down and having them both sign it "Yes."

"Do me a favour and tell me again what it was about."

Chris blushed slightly. He wasn't embarrassed, but they were working and it really didn't belong there.

"Is this really necessary?"

"Christopher."

"Okay." He raised his hands defensively.

"We decided that in case I had a ... slightly late night and showed up late for duty, you would cover for me."

He wasn't particularly proud of having made this agreement and felt bad that they were thus indirectly exploiting her medical authority, however it had been useful to him too many times for the shame to be too great.

"Right." She propped her chin on her hand as her eyes bored into his. "And what was the other part of that deal?"

Chris sighed. "That in case I ever sent a, and I quote, 'to-die-for Adonis-like person' to you, I'd give you advance notice."

"Very well." She regarded him eagle-eyed and stood up slowly, causing him to take a step back. "And tell me, Christopher, have I ever left you hanging? Have I ever failed to keep my end of this bargain?"

Slowly he shook his head. Nervousness had now completely given way to confusion. "Not as far as I know."

Her forced smile disappeared and turned into an angry grimace. "And what, then, gives you the fucking right to not hold up your end?!"

"Woah!" He threw his hands up defensively again. "I don't know what you're talking about! I've always given a warning."

"Except today!"

"Today?"

"Yes, today! The day I wore that crumpled uniform from the back corner of my closet and my hair just looks unwashed and messy."

Chris took a step back. "I think there's been a misunderstanding. I definitely didn't send an Aphrodite or an Adonis to you."

"Of course you did!" Her face darkened with the blood rushing to her face in excitement.

"The only person I sent because he was new was Lieutenant Hemmer. Otherwise I ... oh." He saw her avoid his gaze and a smirk climbed his lips.

"Oh."

"Shut up."

She turned, though it was now up to Chris not to give in.

"Really now? Hemmer? You're not joking, are you?"

"Do I look like I'm joking," she hissed back, causing his grin to grow even wider. He settled down on the couch. "Oh heavens, you're serious." He laughed out. "Who'd have thought our new chief engineer had it in him like that."

Chris bit his tongue to suppress the grin. "I'm afraid you and I have a different picture of Adonis after all, don't we? No offence to the Lieutenant

With a frustrated groan, she dropped down beside him. "I hate you." He put an arm around her shoulder. "No you don't. But really now, all kidding aside, was it that bad? I didn't think Hemmer could do it to you that bad."

There was a reason they had made this agreement. She was, always had been actually, incredibly nervous around people she found attractive.

The more she found herself attracted to them, the worse, which was why Chris had let her know every time there was a possible candidate who might catch her attention, so that her professionalism wouldn't be questioned.

So far, though, it had only really been necessary once, and Chris really hadn't thought Hemmer was her type. Her partners, male, female and everything in between, had so far been ... different.

At least he couldn't remember a single grumpy, sarcastic and slightly cynical partner.

"It hadn't been this bad in a long time." She buried her face in her hands in shame, all anger forgotten. "I'm so incredibly embarrassed, I could die."

Chris patted her back in an attempt to reassure her. "I don't think it was that bad."

"Oh yes it was. It was."

It beeped, signifying that her last "patient" for the day had arrived.

"Come in." She heard the doors open and a person step into her office while she was in the next room trying to move a box to one of the shelves. Her patient before only managed to concentrate when she was playing board games with him, so she was now trying to put them away.

"Doctor?" She smiled when she heard his voice. It was pleasant and very welcome after an hour and a half with the Ensign whose nasal, high-pitched voice had given her a headache.

"Lieutenant Hemmer, isn't it? Side room, I'll be there in a sec." She sounded strained as she pushed the box further up. Footsteps sounded behind her and she could feel the man's presence behind her.

"That is correct. Do you need any assistance?"

She groaned softly, planning to rearrange her storage space on her day off. "That would be nice."

Hemmer stepped behind her so she could feel his warmth radiating through his uniform, and reached over her with his arm, helping her slide the box into the compartment before stepping back to let her have her space.

"Thanks. I really need to reorganise, this is getting really ridiculous..." She broke off as she turned around.

Oh God help her.

She had gathered from the brief information on his file that he was their chief engineer and belonged to the Aenar species and although she hadn't seen many, she was pretty sure it couldn't get any more attractive.

He was slightly taller than her, not by much, and slightly more athletically built than normal, though not nearly as much as Chris. His white hair fell fluffily into his face, causing an urge in her to run her hands through it as his antennae swayed serenely back and forth.

His eyes were milky white, which was impossibly beautiful at that moment, he had a rather dominant jaw and she was sure she could cut herself on his cheekbones if she slid her finger across.

She had a problem. A big, attractive, white problem.

A slight chuckle, much more a breathy laugh, from Hemmer brought her out of her thoughts and she felt her face grow warm.

"I'd recommend it. That, or you stop loading the boxes so much that you can't lift them over your head."

She nodded slightly and held out her hand to him. "I believe you already know my name, Lieutenant. It's a pleasure to meet you."

For a few moments he regarded her outstretched hand and a slight panic spread through her.

Damn it, Aenar didn't shake hands. She had made a complete ass of herself and exposed herself right in front of him. She absolute idiot. She was good for nothing. Nothing!

Hesitantly, she began to withdraw her hand again when Hemmer reached for it. His hand was surprisingly warm and a little rough to the touch, though not uncomfortable under any circumstances and she had to pull herself together not to blush completely.

"Likewise." Was it just her, or had his vocal pitch just gone down a notch? Oh, she was fucked.

Smiling slightly, she looked up at him and although his expression was friendly-neutral, she thought she saw a spark of mischief flit across his face.

She swallowed and gestured to the room behind them. "Shall we sit down? I think this is a bit more comfortable."

Hemmer hummed in agreement, turned and returned to her office. She took a deep breath in and out and closed her eyes for a moment.

She was so going to kill Chris for not giving her a warning.

"Would you like something to drink? Tea? Coffee? Um... water?"

Hemmer, meanwhile, had made himself comfortable on the sofa, crossed his legs and seemed to be looking at her with a mixture of curiosity, amusement and surprise. Or she was imagining it, since he was blind and she was nervous.

"Coffee. Black, please." She nodded, grateful to have something to do, and scurried to the corner of her office where, at her request, a small kitchenette had been installed. "Caffeine this late in the evening?"

"Night shift," he returned and she winced inwardly as the water ran through the coffee filter. "I hope you hadn't gotten up too early for me." She glanced over her shoulder. "Otherwise, you could have asked for another appointment. I'm here to be a conversational partner, not to deprive you of sleep."

Hemmer leaned back a little. "It's not a problem. Otherwise you would have had to get up in the middle of the night. We don't want that either."

She had to turn around to keep from blushing again. This was getting really ridiculous.

"With all due respect, Lieutenant," she said, pouring water into her cup, strictly focused on not burning herself, because that would be just what she needed. "In an emergency, I think a sleep deprived chief engineer is a little more dangerous than a sleep deprived therapist."

The coffee and her tea were ready, so she did her best to set both cups down safely at the small table, but Hemmer seemed to be doing his best to upset her. "You sell yourself too low. I've heard you're a brilliant woman and and I'd really hate to put bags under those eyes."

As soon as his compliment reached her brain, even if it was more quote than compliment, it seemed to short circuit as her right hand, still holding her tea, gave a little jerk and the contents spilled over the edge and landed on the table, as well as her hand.

"Holy shit," she cursed and waved her hand around, her face contorted into a pained grimace.

Hemmer sat up straighter, his antennae straight up in attention. "Doctor, do you need-"

"It's all right," she pressed out between her teeth, trying to smile.

'Stupid handsome Hemmer, why do you have to be so impossibly cute so I make a complete ass of myself.'

"It's alright. Happens all the time." She reached under the table and whipped out a cloth, it really had happened to her before and she was prepared to wipe up the liquid. In mid-motion, however, Hemmer grabbed the cloth. "Let me do that. You need to cool your hand under cold water."

Unfortunately, his hand had grazed hers and, startled by the contact, she had not been prepared for skin-to-skin contact with the handsome man, she took a step back, tripped over the table and fell to the floor with a loud grunt.

"Ohhh," she moaned and held her head, forgetting that her hand had been burned and hissing at the contact between burn blisters and hair.

Instantly Hemmer was at her side, looking at her with concern. At least she thought he did.

"Doctor are you all right?" Fuck, why did his voice have to be so soft if he was concerned?

"I'm fine," she returned again, hoping to at least somewhat still save face, though she knew that was a lie.

Her ankle throbbed, her hand ached and she was pretty sure the room wasn't supposed to be spinning.

"Doctor!"

Her gaze zoomed back to his face, which was so close she could have counted his eyelashes. Now that her view of his eyes was better, she corrected herself from before.

They weren't milky white, no. Much more they reminded her of molten silver, shiny and smooth, soft and hard at the same time.

Like the reflection of a full moon in still waters, mysterious, close and yet at the same time so impossibly distant from her.

She was also pretty sure she might have had a mild concussion.

Above her, she heard Hemer sigh before he took her by the arm and helped her up.

As soon as her left foot touched the ground, however, she gasped and clawed at Hemmer, who, to his credit, took it without pulling a face.

"I think I sprained my ankle."

"Okay." Hemmer tried to sound calm, which made her feel bad. After all, the poor man just wanted to do his job and in order to do that, he had to just hold a brief conversation with a Counselor to begin with.

"I think it's best if we take you to the infirmary first so M'Benga can look at your foot."

She nodded, through clenched teeth. Hemmer carefully put her arm around his shoulder and wrapped his arm around her waist to steady her, making the short walk to the infirmary that seemed so impossibly long to her at that moment.

Silence reigned between them, for which she was very grateful, because the only thing she could focus on was his body pressed tightly against hers, his hair brushing her cheek, his hand holding hers and his arm wrapped around her waist as his other hand dug gently but firmly into her flesh.

To be honest, she was glad she was still breathing when M'Benga and Chapel took her from him, although she instantly felt the loss of Hemmer's body heat.

M'Benga and Chapel moved her to one of the beds and immediately Hemmer appeared behind them to watch them.

Secretly, she found it very touching that he stayed by her side while she was being treated instead of returning to work, though his presence distracted her from answering Chapel's questions.

The latter, however, only acknowledged her embarrassment with a knowing grin and a wiggle of her eyebrows, which made the blood rush to her face again.

"Sprained ankle, second degree burns and a mild concussion," she grinned at her and shook her head. "That's news even to you." Chapel patted her on the shoulder. "Take it a little easier, will you? If the pain gets too bad, come back for more, okay?"

She nodded and Chapel disappeared, leaving her and Hemmer alone.

"I'm sorry," she murmured softly. "This is probably not how you imagined your evening ... or morning, as the case may be."

"A trip to sickbay wasn't on my list, no. However, a little excitement can't hurt."

She smiled weakly at his attempt to cheer her up.

Sweet, dear Hemmer. Too good for this world.

He cleared his throat slightly and glanced to the side as his antennae rippled slightly.

"I'm afraid my shift is about to start and we won't be able to have our conversation today." She nodded in understanding and smiled slightly at him.

"It's understandable. How about this: You didn't really strike me as being unfit for duty, which is why I don't need to have any urgent conversations with you. You work your shift and I'll try to schedule a second appointment as soon as possible, yeah? That probably makes a little more sense, as you've had time to settle in and get to know the rhythm of the ship. If there are any urgent questions: I am always available."

Hemmer raised one of his eye ridges. "Even at night?"

She grinned slightly, relieved to find that she was slowly getting over the fact that she felt very attached to Hemmer. Which professionally was an absolute disaster, however she didn't think about that now.

"If I have to, I'll sit in my office in my pyjamas, completely drowsy, to ease your worries."

"I hope it won't come to that." Hemmer bowed his head slightly. "I wish you a good rest."

"Thank you. You have a pleasant shift." He nodded and left, giving her a glimpse of his back.

Had he had such broad shoulders before or was the uniform just a little small?

Strangely, Hemmer stumbled at that very moment and almost fell down as he left the infirmary.

"You really sprained your ankle and got a concussion yesterday because you found someone attractive? Oh man, I think I'm going to have to look closer when I send someone your way soon."

Groaning, she buried her face in his chest. "Keep it down Chris and rather tell me how I'm ever going to face him again."

"Well you'll have to eventually, after all you still have your talk to do."

Frustrated, she threw a pillow in his face. "No help, Chris!"

He laughed and raised his hands. "You should have just come to the dinners. Hemmer was always there and you didn't even have to talk to him then."

Scowling, she stared at him. "First of all, still no help. Secondly, it's not my fault you always put your dinners when I have appointments."

Chris patted her back. "I don't think it's that bad. I haven't known him long, but I don't think Hemmer would hold it against you. At most he finds it amusing, nothing more. Just talk to him, apologise again. Maybe invite him to dinner."

"Chris!" This time her exclamation was accompanied with laughter as she broke away from him.

"What, you seem to like him more than most. At least you haven't twisted your ankle over any of them."

She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "That would be far too unprofessional. I'm practically the ship's therapist. I'm not allowed to do things like that."

"As long as it stays professional, if it has to."

Chris shrugged before sighing. "Look, I can't tell you what to do because I don't know. However, I do know, for one thing, that Hemmer doesn't think any worse of you for this, and for another, that it's late and you desperately need something to eat. So shoo-' He pulled her up and hustled her towards the door. "Off to the canteen with you."

Sighing, she gave in. "Anything else I should probably know so I don't embarrass myself further in front of him?" Chris thought for a moment, then shook his head.

"No, not that I know of."

~**~

She poked listlessly at her food, resting her head on the back of her hand, when suddenly someone stepped up beside her. "May I join you for a moment?"

Instantly she was awake and shot up at the sound of Hemmer's voice. The latter was standing beside her table, a PADD in his hand, looking at her expectantly:

"Of course, Lieutenant." She pointed to the seat opposite her. "Please, sit down."

He nodded and complied with her request. "Hemmer only, please. We are not on duty." "Likewise."

Hemmer nodded in acknowledgement.

"How are you?"

She felt her face grow warm again and glanced quickly at her plate.

"Better, I don't feel any pain anymore. Thanks, again, for accompanying me yesterday and I guess a 'sorry' would be in order again too."

"It was no problem," Hemmer brushed it off. She looked up and saw that he was looking at her intently. "I'm here for the appointment. My duty roster would allow me to be available from 1800 hours tomorrow."

Disappointment spread through her, which she immediately suppressed.

Of course he's here for the appointment, she scolded herself immediately afterwards. After all, only you are stupid enough to find a person you barely know so fine.

"Of course." Quickly she pulled out her own PADD and studied her appointment book. "That should be fine. How about 1930 hours?" Hemmer considered for a moment before nodding.

For a moment there was silence between the two of them and for a split crazy second, she truly toyed with the idea of humouring Chris and inviting him to dinner, though she immediately suppressed it.

Stay professional, after all, Hemmer shouldn't feel uncomfortable.

He cleared his throat and stood up, which again caused her a little bit of disappointment. "Well then, thank you. Enjoy your meal."

She thanked him and Hemmer turned around, but remained on the spot.

When he still hadn't moved after a few moments, she asked, a little worried.

"Hemmer, are you all right?" He kept his back to her.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

He turned back to her, however his expression did not hint at what he was thinking.

"How familiar are you with Aenar biology?"

She blushed, though this time it was not due to the fact that he was outrageously handsome.

"I'm ashamed to admit it, however, I was never very good at biology."

"Then I assume you are not aware of the fact that Aenar posses telepathic abilities."

All at once everything froze inside her, her movement, her thoughts, everything. "Oh, really?"

Her voice was low and thin and Hemmer just nodded, amusement clear on his features.

"Indeed. You know, normally I can ignore the thought processes of others, however that becomes a little difficult when they are about your own person. So it's fair to say that you weren't the only one who was a little ... distracted last evening."

She wasn't even able to panic.

"Oh."

"Mhhh." He nodded and leaned towards her a little, a small smile on his face and god did he have a pretty smile. Which automatically widened as he caught her train of thought. "It is not my intention, but you humans are very... loud in that way."

She slowly closed her eyes in shame and braced herself for him to reject her, however this never came.

Briefly, his hand brushed hers and she snapped her eyes open, only to see him straighten.

"I think it's really honourable that you want to remain professional, but ... I wouldn't mind dinner." He turned, but still paused. "By the way ... 'molten silver' and 'reflection of a moon' are really nice descriptions that no one has ever used for me. Thank you."

She stared after him as he left the canteen, the food and everything around her forgotten.

Telepath. He was a bloody telepath and had caught every embarrassing thought she had had about him. She closed her eyes.

She wasn't sure what had just happened, but she knew one thing.

She would fucking kill Chris.

[separatist-apologist]

What do you see as the difference between fanon Lucien and canon Lucien?

Canon Lucien is an asshole and fanon Lucien has no flaws, is the perfect gentleman and also just really boring.

I was ranting about this to LB, maybe I'll just make it public but if you examine the facts:

To break the curse of Amarantha, Tamlin HAS to send his soldiers over the wall. Presumably, Lucien also went in the wolf form looking for a human woman. They ALL know what's at stake, they all volunteer knowing the risks. Feyre is a starving human and she sees a wolf which is a threat even if she wasn't starving. Its a threat to her newly acquired deer AND her life- it makes sense to kill it.

So when she sets the curse in motion and Tamlin brings her, this is a LITERAL last ditch attempt to break the curse in the final hour and Lucien KNOWS this. He KNOWS if they fail that they'll all be enslaved. He, better than anyone, KNOWS what he has to lose because Amarantha has already taken his eye and forced them all into masks.

And yet when Feyre shows up, skinny, starving, and scared, his first words to her are insults. It's not necessary but he's pissed off and resentful- he wants to fight knowing three other courts tried this and were all killed for their trouble. Fanon Lucien would treat her with kindness and help her but actually interesting Lucien does not.

Lucien is the one who sends Feyre to the suriel knowing the dangers and knowing she's ill equipped to take on a Fae monster. And when he hears her scream, he ADMITS he hesitated to help her and if you follow the logic, its because he doesn't like her.

And I see people all the time lamenting for book 1 Lucien to return but then turn around and DEMAND we all acknowledge that Lucien would NEVER be anything other than a PERFECT gentleman when Lucien's own monologue acknowledges that what he loved most about Jesminda was how unimpressed with him she was. How she'd called him on his bullshit- and you HAVE to assume he gives it as good as he gets. The minute Elain has shit to say to him, she's gonna hear something back.

I like Lucien- like OBVIOUSLY, you don't write 2 MILLION words about a character you don't like. But I resent the constant posts going around that erase everything interesting and declare you're not a "true" elucien/Lucien stan would never write him/head canon him as a dick when like.

Baby. He IS a dick.

He's also loyal and clever and willing to do what's right even when its hard. He gets retconned into a perfect gentleman and I think this is borne of the pushback a lot of Lucien stans get from other folks in the fandom that lean too hard on his early missteps and refuse to acknowledge all the ways he's grown, too. But the swing went too far in the opposite direction imo and now I've got people in my AO3 comments mad that Lucien isn't weeping over Elain's beauty and it annoys me.

I have a longer piece brewing in the drafts about Lucien and Feyre and the ways the love each other + their misunderstandings of one another that I just need to get out of my system. It's taking forever because I hate quoting these books.

[devilsskettle]

I just watched The Love Witch for the first time and would love to know your opinion (if you have seen it)?

i have mixed feelings about the love witch tbh. on one hand, it’s visually stunning and i would love to see more movies embrace the style and production value of older cinema, especially these older horror movies that i love that are so atmospheric. it’s so whimsical and dreamlike

i also like MY interpretation of the movie, which is about elaine’s desire for agency and power to protect herself from men, but she tries to do so by appealing to male desires thinking that if she gives them what they want, they’ll give her what she wants, which is a fundamental misunderstanding of the exploitation of women under the patriarchy — you can’t gain your freedom from the patriarchy by submitting to it. she wants love because she wants control, and she conflates her hatred and bitterness with an excess of love because that’s the narrative that makes sense to her. but if you watch her interactions with any man in the movie, she really does fucking hate them. at the end, after her appeal to the male gaze fails to protect her from sexual violence, she realizes that manipulating male desire isn’t enough — her repressed desire to hurt the people who hurt her is finally expressed by direct violence. i find that to be a tentatively hopeful ending for her

however. i don’t necessarily think that is the “correct” interpretation lol (in terms of author’s intent) and the fact that i’m not sure if the filmmakers intended this story to be like a tradwife manifesto or if it’s being critical of that rhetoric is already a problem because that means the messaging is extremely muddled. i see people quote this movie completely uncritically, i think a lot of elaine’s idea that she can achieve agency by being the perfect traditional woman appeals to a lot of young women, it certainly is in line with the popular 2010s trope of female characters who can be feminine AND strong, she has eyeliner so sharp she can cut you with it and she’ll kill you with her high heels on and she’ll make men underestimate her by seducing them or acting dumb. which of course is a way to repackage the sexy male gaze token female character into an acceptably “feminist” character so we don’t question it anymore. that was peak Strong Female Character -ism and i think that’s widely regarded as a regressive trope now but this movie speaks to that logic, and now it speaks to the “coquette” trend as well which doesn’t even purport to be interested in female agency (not even “feminism,” just basic agency lol). anyway my least favorite criticism of satire is that it’s not clear enough that it’s satire because sometimes people are just being dumb when they say that, but in this case i really can’t tell which perspective the audience is intended to agree with and that’s a problem to me. idk if it’s even intended to be satirical at all lmao

the part of the movie that illustrates the tradwife-esque narrative for me is the character trish. she voices the perspective of female equality with men especially within a romantic relationship as a partnership, and not only is she shut down by elaine, but she’s framed as this naggy, jealous character who turns on elaine and is just as much a participant in elaine’s victimization as the men in her life. her relationship with her husband is actually insecure despite her insistence that they have mutual respect and her repressed desire to be the same type of woman as elaine is manifested as rage and violence towards her. they model two types of womanhood and we are not supposed to side with the model where women demand mutual respect, because the movie doesn’t believe that men are capable of that or that women actually desire that. it’s such a standard tradwife perspective that feminism is for ugly women who can’t be women the “right” way so they can’t be successful within the patriarchal status quo

and it’s such a bummer because i think the movie taps into such a real experience of rejection and powerlessness and being at the whims of shitty, deeply pathetic men. the movie has a sharp, derisive, sarcastic humor that i think goes under-appreciated, because it’s hard to tell what’s being said genuinely and what’s being said with a wink at the audience

all that is to say, i’ve watched the movie a couple times and i really enjoy what i got out of it but i don’t know if that says more about ME or the movie itself. upon first viewing i thought it was absolutely genius, i kind of wish i had preserved that experience by not reading what other people have said about it lol but i think it’s kind of a product of its time — we’re continuing to navigate gendered power dynamics and trying to figure out the best way to approach being a woman interacting with a male dominated world. i’m not convinced that this movie has it figured out but i want to be able to enjoy it for its merits and take what i want from the story

tl;dr: the way i interpret it, it’s one of my favorite movies. but idk if i’m interpreting it “right”

also: it reminds me of the haunting of hill house because of the main character’s sublimated loneliness, anger, and jealousy, the narrative doubling (elaine + trish are so theo + eleanor coded to me lol), and the 1960s aesthetic sensibilities

[ask-whitepearl-and-steven]

"This is not a callout post" yet you proceed to spend a heckuva lot of time calling this person out. This seems a bit of a harsh stance for a social media website where people (a lot of whom are minors, for your fanbase at least) go to unwind and express without the rigour and chastisement of employers, mentors, and IRL peers. This message was comprehensible and wasn't particularly broken...unless one is prone to hyperbole in their answers....

We get it. You're a teacher and justifiably attuned to these mistakes. But there's pedantry, and then there's what comes off as haughtily unfair bullshit.

Idk, I love your work and I usually find your stances here relatable and laudable, but this was rancid to read, especially if this is any indication of how you behave as a teacher.

Alright let's take this one at a time.

"...you proceed to spend a heckuva lot of time calling this person out."

I think this is a misread. None of that post was directed at the asker! I specifically said that this was not about them. I'm not sure if this is a misunderstanding or not, but I very specifically did NOT reference any actual person in that post. Even the message I used is an example was not a real one. It's just a made up one to demonstrate my point.

unless one is prone to hyperbole in their answers....

I admit I am one.

But there's pedantry, and then there's what comes off as haughtily unfair bullshit.

I feel like I want to take issue with this specifically. Pedantry is about minor details and rules. But I specifically said - I don't care about capitalizing stuff. I don't care about most minor issues.

I complained about something very simple that makes it difficult to understand messages overall. The same way that abbreviating too many words would make it incomprehensible to someone not familiar with those abbreviations. It was an explanation of my frustration, not a demand to follow grammatical rules to a t.

It was also not a personal attack on anyone in particular. It was me expressing something that made it difficult for me to understand messages! I would argue that this is not pedantry, but perhaps it came off that way.

I do admit my tone was overbearing on purpose - I ranted, yeah! Not at the anon. Just in general! I'm allowed to do that sometimes, I think. It wasn't targeted at anyone specifically.

this was rancid to read, especially if this is any indication of how you behave as a teacher

I'll answer this one with an earlier quote from yourself:

This seems a bit of a harsh stance for a social media website where people [...] go to unwind and express without the rigour and chastisement of employers, mentors, and IRL peers.

I'm NOT a teacher when I'm at home on tumblr. I want to rant about stuff sometimes. When am I allowed to unwind and express without the rigor and chastisement of my peers?

[twistedtummies2]

Year of the Bat - Number 4

Welcome to Year of the Bat! In honor of Kevin Conroy, Arleen Sorkin, and Richard Moll, I’ve been counting down my Top 31 Favorite Episodes of “Batman: The Animated Series” throughout this January. We’re getting close to the end now… TODAY’S EPISODE QUOTE: “Gotham can be a Wonderland, Alice! Tonight, let me be your guide.” Number 4 is…Mad as a Hatter.

If you know me very well, this episode being in my Top 5 is no surprise at all. If you don’t, then you might be a little surprised. While “Mad as a Hatter” is certainly a well-liked episode, by all accounts, I doubt too many people would name it as being anywhere on-par with stories like “Mad Love” and “Heart of Ice,” two other villain origin stories that I covered in my past two entries. I, however, am not most people: while I love Harley Quinn, and I cannot deny the power of “Heart of Ice,” this story is something close to my heart in a way those two simply are not. This episode is the origin/first appearance of one of the Dark Knight’s slightly more unsung villains, the Mad Hatter. In the story, the Hatter is a highly repressed and socially awkward neuroscientist, by the name of Jervis Tetch. Jervis is an eccentric fellow, who has a bizarre obsession with the “Alice” stories by Lewis Carroll. The strange scientist has created a special headband and cards, which – via highly sophisticated nanotechnology – allow him to control other people’s minds. It’s then revealed that Tetch has unrequited feelings for his secretary (probably not-coincidentally named Alice Pleasance), and – when her boyfriend, Billy, seemingly dumps her – Jervis seizes the opportunity to use this newfound power to try and sweep Alice off her feet. At first, things seem to go well…but unbeknownst to Jervis, after he drops Alice off at home that night, she and Billy make up and even get officially engaged. This sudden development causes Jervis to snap, and he becomes the Mad Hatter: determined to claim Alice as his own, hang all the consequences, and willing to put half of Gotham under his thrall, if necessary, in order to do so. Naturally, Batman can’t allow this; he’s already on Tetch’s trail, after a (presumed) misunderstanding with some street thugs. Now, he must rescue Alice (and Billy) and stop the Mad Hatter before things get any madder.

The Mad Hatter has long been one of my favorite Batman Villains, and I am 99% convinced that the specific version found in the DCAU is the main reason why. In the comics, the Hatter has always been an…iffy character, to say the least, as he’s typically depicted as a rotten-to-the-core little creep with many perverse desires. He’s a villain who’s meant to just be punched in the face, so to speak. Other adaptations have gone in other directions, but I think the version found in the Animated Series handled it the best out of anybody. This is, without a doubt, my definitive take on the Mad Hatter. Part of the reason why is the character’s voice: he’s played by Roddy McDowall, and in fact, the Hatter would be McDowall’s last proper character, as his final appearance in the DCAU – a Superman crossover episode called “Knight Time” – was released posthumously to McDowall’s passing, and a somewhat earlier episode, “Animal Act,” was released not long before his death. This was quite the role to cap a career with, and almost seems an inevitable one: McDowall had previously played a somewhat similar character, the Bookworm, in the 1960s Adam West show. He also was the narrator for an abridged audiobook version of Tim Burton’s Batman (where I swear he plays the most polite Batman in the history of anything). Not only that, but McDowall also played the role of the March Hare in a 1985 TV Miniseries of “Alice in Wonderland.” With credits like these, and his mellifluous voice, he was absolutely perfect casting for the part.

The other reason, however, sits with his origins. This by far the most sympathetic and fascinating take on Jervis Tetch I think we’ve ever been given. It’s easy to relate with the idea of unrequited love as the cause for someone’s descent into darkness, and at the start of the story, Jervis is really very nice. He’s a bit odd, and there are some subtle hints that he’s already on a slightly uneven keel, but he doesn’t come across as truly evil. There’s also an interesting dichotomy with the way his alter ego acts in relation to the rest of his life; it sort of reminds me of Catwoman’s setup in “Batman Returns,” of all things. At the start, Jervis is awkward, shy, panicky, and keeps a lot bottled up. Once he dons the top hat and trenchcoat of the Mad Hatter, however, he becomes a whole different person: he’s more charismatic, more confident, more flamboyant, and – thanks the power of his control chips – he has absolute control, something we get the sense he hasn’t had a lot of in his life. It’s only when his advances are so brutally shot down – when he finds out Alice, after all that, is ENGAGED to Billy – that he REALLY goes off the deep end. There’s some ambiguity and unanswered questions with his background – we don’t know why he’s obsessed with Wonderland, why he’s created these control chips, or even whether or not he intended what happened with the two aforementioned street hooligans – but that actually only makes him more interesting, as it gives the audience a little leeway to come up with their own thoughts, while still presenting a comprehensive understanding of why this Hatter is Mad.

Being a Wonderland-obsessed oddball myself, I’ve always felt a sort of dark kinship, for lack of a better way of putting it, with the concept of Jervis Tetch. That character concept has never been so splendidly handled as in B:TAS, and “Mad as a Hatter” is a phenomenal first impression for the character. I need no other reason to place it so high in my personal ranks.

Tomorrow we move into the Top 3 of the countdown! Hint: “Look at us. We’re all freaks and monsters. And who made us this way? BATMAN!”

[rayclubs]

Do you have any advice on how to improve writing characters and character interactions?

Yes! Oh my god, this ask got me so excited I’m actually typing out the response in a word document. Let’s fucking go. I’ll try to omit any well-known advice like “read other books” and “practice a lot”, y’all know that already, so I’ll get straight to practical tips. I’ll also be bringing up examples from my TF2 fics because it’s easier for me to make my points this way, and also because my fics are epic and you should totally read them.

Branch out from the widely recognized go-to emotion signifiers. Watch the people around you and notice how often they raise an eyebrow when confused, or tilt their head when inquisitive, or clench their fists when angry – it’s not entirely implausible that they do it, but chances are, they also do something else that’s way more unique, more interesting, more “them”.

It makes emotions personal, but it also makes gestures and non-verbal interactions personal. In the beginning of my fic “Kill the Red”, Soldier salutes Pyro in the way of encouragement because that is how Soldier acts when he’s trying to be reassuring and confident. At the end of the fic, this happens: “(Pyro) glanced up, found Soldier’s eyes, and gave him back that salute he owed.” It’s a very small bit, but it reinforces Soldier’s characterization as an assuring, commanding presence, as well as Pyro’s impressionable but proactive personality, and helps define their unique dynamic. I could have had Soldier give Pyro a pat on the back instead and be done with it, and the fic wouldn’t suffer too much, but what I went with in the end is way better.

Dialogue is my favorite part of the writing process, but it’s also the easiest to mess up. Here’s few important things to keep in mind when writing dialogue.

Get to the point. Skip the vocal fills, greetings and goodbyes, and all deceivingly human junk that is so easy to get caught up in. Have your characters say what they want to say, in the way that only they would say it, and be done with it. If there’s no consequence or weight to the way someone says “sorry”, write simply that the character apologized, but don’t dignify it with quotes and a dialogue tag. That’s for special occasions only.

Make dialogue tags into actions. There’s a bunch of examples for this in all my fics, here’s some from “Close Call”.

“Coming to a professional?” Spy smiled, eyes narrow like those of a mischievous cat.

“Where?” Soldier squinted and leaned forward but seemed to be looking in the wrong direction, just slightly too far to the left.

“I wouldn’t touch it with a ten-foot pole.” A cardboard folder was pressed into Sniper’s chest. Spy grinned proudly. “Take a look.”

He clutched the steering wheel. “It’s the only big enough clearing in these bloody woods.”

Like, it’s such a technical advice, but I read fanfiction and I know how many people struggle with this, and it just helps the flow of conversation so much? You can say “said” and “replied” and other such words, but it really does wonders to intersperse them with actions that do not imply speaking at all. This is also how I manage conversations among multiple people without constantly going “X asked” and “Y answered”. It establishes the presence of every character in the scene in a proactive manner but doesn’t overburden the text with needless clarifications.

Count your lines. That’s a simple one. Count your paragraphs to make it so the characters’ lines alternate. Even if nobody says anything, count that paragraph as a line too. It just makes text so much clearer.

Make characters say what they think. This is so basic but like. I saw the exact opposite advice once and it bugs me so much. No, you don’t obscure the characters’ intentions and feelings in fifty layers of unnecessary misunderstandings to create pointless drama, that’s the opposite of a good story! That’s how you get the one part of Shrek 1 that literally everyone criticized! Goddammit!

There’s a weird example of this with chapter three of my “Vignette Collection”, ironically titled “misunderstanding”. The gist of the fic is that Pyro communicates via gestures and social cues that Medic is too autistic to understand. It works – again, ironically – because both of them say exactly what they mean, even if they don’t understand each other and see the world differently. The resolution is fucking hilarious fitting because the conflict doesn’t exist strictly on the level of phrasing, there is an actual clash of interest in there. Does that make sense? I feel like it doesn’t make sense. Good god.

Make characters be wrong. It’s hard to explain but there’s a really good example in my “Acceptable Losses”. The context of the scene is that Medic is injured and Spy is worried about him, though, importantly, he doesn’t say it verbally. The story is from Medic’s POV, and at some point this happens: “Spy reached into his front pocket for the cigarette case, but reconsidered, for some reason.”

The “for some reason” bit is Medic’s thoughts. I know the reason. You – the reader – know the reason. The reason is that the man is concerned and doesn’t want to smoke up the kitchen when his friend needs clean air and a healthy meal. The only one who doesn’t get this is the point-of-view character. This characterizes him as someone who is accepting of other people’s occasionally strange disposition, but ultimately oblivious to social clues.

This bit alone doesn’t amount to much, but this trait reinforced like fifty times throughout the story works to built that character trait well.

Incorporate metaphors into characterization. I fucking love doing this so much. I have two fics that practically do nothing but this – “What’s it called, Engie?” and “Seasons”. I could write fucking essays about my thought process for both of them but this is already so long so let’s just briefly consider the former. On a side note, I hate that I named it that, I usually have nice names for my fics but that one fucking pisses me off. Anyway.

In “What’s it called, Engie?” Soldier and Engineer alternate POV’s as the story sees them build a close relationship over the course of several unconnected scenes. The core theme is that Soldier cannot express his emotions verbally in a manner that makes sense, so he works through associations instead, and Engie helps him navigate it, all while learning more about the way he sees the world in the process. Well, within this metaphor, Engie is a bee – a busy creature with a nurturing nature and an unexpected sting, while Soldier is an old tree – big and easy to stand out but purposeless and “dry”, as in emotionally. So here’s a few lines from the fic that practically state that directly:

Dell’s voice sounded like watching a bus leave seconds before you could reach it. Like waking up in the middle of the night finding no water at the bedside. Like winter striking too early and forcing the bees to hide.

Bees picked the nicest flowers with open petals, overflowing with nectar and so full of pollen it made people sneeze. Jane couldn’t imagine why such a hard-working genius bee would waste its time trying to nurture a dried-out old twig.

He stayed quiet. Like the silence of a flower to the buzz of a bee, sometimes no answer was an answer too.

And here are a few lines that are not about any of that at all:

“Here, how’s that feelin’?” – and up went the metal case, unfolding into a dispenser, adding its soft hum to the buzz of the workshop.

The clock ticked and tacked like a woodpecker fussing over a worm-eaten tree trunk.

There was a long pause before more words followed, shaky like tree branches in the wind.

“Can I still keep coming to your workshop though? I like how it buzzes.”

Here’s the kicker: THEY’RE ALL THE SAME IMAGERY. They’re the same fucking thing. Trees, bees, hums, buzzing, they’re the same metaphor. There’s one metaphor in that goddamn fic. This is so easy to write but can be so effective, it feels like it should be illegal.

(Another side note: I could write a dissertation about all the shit going on in that fic, like, there’s the naming of characters, the vibrant metaphors of Soldier’s POV contrasting with the practical view that Engie has of the world, the tiny little bits of blink-and-you-miss-it characterization, etc etc okay sorry to brag so much I’m just insane)

This is getting REALLY long so here’s just a few more points with very brief examples to wrap up, and let me know if you want to hear me ramble about writing some more because I love it to a ridiculous degree like. Okay.

You can use association to built unique metaphors. Try to imagine a feeling in your head, pick a few things that feel similar, and then tweak them so they fit the overall theme. My favorite theme is nature and weather metaphors, and my favorite example of this is this line from “Falter” – “Demo plowed through the ocean of their misfortunes with the ferocity of a steam engine, and Soldier clung to him like a flea to a fur coat.”

A character arc does not necessarily have to change your character in a big way. Sniper goes through a character arc in “Close Call”, but it manifests in really small ways, such as him resolving to call his parents, or him letting Spy have his coffee maker.

Also like. Basic but you need to have an idea of where the story is going and why, even if it’s a really small-scale story with very low stakes. That way you can introduce things in the beginning and then call back on them at the end. It’s called a circular plot structure, but on a smaller scale it does not have to be the whole plot, it can just be individual elements that aren’t plot-relevant, like the coffee maker described above.

Use nomenclature as a tool of characterization. Decide what words your characters use to refer to others and to themselves, and stick by that. Differentiate them this way. It’s fun.

Anything can be a bit of characterization. It never exists in a vacuum. You have to get into your character’s brain and just sit there all the time. Good luck.

Hope this was at least a little bit informative. Cheers!

[topbottomswitchblade]

update on The Situation

main admin made a post about how they are adding Confidentiality to the official rules. they made another post bc i guess ppl were confused on the specifics and it didn't seem to me like my partner had broken any of the rules bc it was mostly like, don't go around telling people who is in the group. which he didn't do. but this post went up like two days after the incident. so.

the admin then dm's my bf to be like "heeeey!" note: i am going to paraphrase a lot for brevity but that is how they wrote hey. "heard there was a potential awkward interaction between you and another member of the group. i would like to arrange a conversation between you two to remove any misunderstanding that may be present"

bf was like "listen idk what the deal is but this is what went down" and recapped it

admin was like "exactly, and they'd like to clear up any confusion if you're open to having that conversation, and then i'd be delighted to give my thoughts"

bf was like "ok i guess"

i want to paraphrase but also i really want to put direct quotes so i can be like. who talks like this.

"i personally think these conversations - while uncomfortable to approach - help communities grow in positive ways. so i appreciate your willingness."

and starts asking for dates and times bf is available to arrange to have this conversation. to which he is like "wait are we doing a whole in person meeting??"

little back and forth but my bf was like "look idk what you want from me. it was a pretty minor interaction and you already made your point with the new rules. i get it. i certainly won't be saying hi again."

admin was like "i think there's a miscommunication, what you did isn't a big deal but as an admin i need to make sure it doesn't become a big deal. not trying to make you feel chastised. they actually wanted to have the conversation so that you know it's not a big deal, not to attack you."

another direct quote incoming: "all that is expected of you is your attendance, a willingness to listen with compassion, and the ability to be honest about your perspective with the aim to eliminate any confusion or misunderstanding."

bf was like "look i get that you're trying to be thorough but you're making it fucking weird" [not a direct quote] "you say it's not a big deal and then you make a big deal out of it by scheduling a meeting with moderators over a faux pas. i feel like i have to walk on eggshells if this is how minor mistakes are handled and idk if i want to be a part of this."

admin, after some time, was basically like. "yeah i can see that this was a lot. the person said it was ok if gave you their phone number so you can just text directly. the admins don't really have any action we need to take since we already posted the new rule."

kinda made it seem like they were more worried it was gonna start drama more than anything and just said to be careful in the future as like a final note

bf has not texted the person yet but we just went out of town/are still out of town so we've had stuff going on

[anarchy-and-piglins]

Some people put buttercups around their garden to keep bunnies out.

Someone putting buttercups around their carrot garden to keep Bunny Techno from grabbing all the carrots. Techno eats the buttercups out of spite/not realizing they are poisonous/similar color to carrot and getting very sick.

"The carrots, Phil. Why did the carrots betray me?"

"It wasn't the carrots, mate, it was the-"

"What did I ever do to make carrots dislike me so much? I love carrots so much. Why did they betray me?"

"Techno, its was the-"

"There is nothing alive more agonized than a man who has been betrayed by carrots of all that breathe and crawl across the earth."

"That is not how that quote goes-"

"How can I go on when carrots have abandoned me, Phil?"

"...I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding. You can explain it to the carrots later."

"Carrots can't talk, Phil. You sound ridiculous."

"Bro, YOU ATE A FUCKING BUTTERCUP."

QSYUSQGJHGQSUYGYSQJH that's so funny

But also now I'm brainrotting this so hard though maybe more in the hurt/comfort direction. Somebody planting buttercups around their garden to keep normal bunnies away and bunnyblade eating them and getting really sick and then the person who planted them gets to feel super guilty >:D

[lizlives]

I admittedly, have kinda a weird issue where I'll grasp onto pieces of art that make me deeply uncomfortable, spend hours pouring over discourse surrounding them, and then never watch them, at least not yet lol. Anyway, I just wanted to say that as a disclaimer before I talk about an interesting revelation I had about two works of art, End of Evangelion (and I guess NGE as a whole) and I Saw The TV Glow, based on my admittedly limited understanding of both of them.

I do plan on watch ISTTG pretty soon, once I have some time to mull it over given how much everything I've research has convinced, but I realized that despite it and my reaction to EoE (at least what little I have observed of them) being very similar, there was a distinctly more personal feeling in ISTTG, for obvious reasons.

One bit of behind the scenes stuff that I remember reading about regarding EoE is that Hideaki Anno made it very clear that he made EoE with a goal in mind. There's a quote somewhere where he basically said that if you watch it and don't take anything away from it, it's because you've already absorbed the message he was going for and don't require it.

That, almost certainly irrationally, made me kinda mad tbh. Like, I've just gone through the seven stages of grief, and that's without even watching the thing, and now I'm supposed to just throw that all in the garbage because it wasn't for me? So he made an entire devastating piece of art that with purpose and intention destroys the characters and their integrity, and then basically made it just as a Trojan horse? It was an extremely tough pill to swallow and tbh I still don't totally understand. Maybe I'm fundamentally misunderstanding something, let me know if I get something really wrong.

Anyways, looking into ISTTG, something kinda clicked for me. I realized they're both kinda alike in a very particular way. The themes and ideas and artistic concepts present in ISTTG were resonating with me in a distinct way. I wasn't just uncomfortable and sad, I was, fearful and kind of motivated, if only by that fear. I wasn't really sad on behalf of the characters being ruined, I was sad on behalf of what the ruining of the characters meant for me. How much I related to them, how much the core concept of the story and the ways in which the story goes to lengths to warp it and twist it, were almost illuminating.

It was like being trapped in a prison with no lights, and then suddenly the lights turn on, and you realize you're in a prison. It's horrifying, but it also kinda of makes you realize what's at stake. It crystallizes the fears that until now, you could only speculate on.

Now I kind of understand what Anno was saying (maybe at least). I wasn't the target audience for what he was going for. I don't necessarily see that much of myself in the flaws of the characters, but I do in ISTTG. In one, I was merely sad, left floating without direction. But in the other, my fear, if nothing else felt tangible. It made me realize what makes both of these pieces of art so similar yet different.

Both are deeply personal and bleak pieces of art that serve to make their audience question their own flaws and issues through genre and genre conventions that would otherwise serve as a source of comfort and familiarity. The main difference is the target audience, and now that I find myself the target audience being aimed at, I think I understand the first a little more.

Once I actually watch I Saw The TV Glow, and maybe somewhere down the line Neon Genesis Evangelion as well, I'll probably have way more to say. Maybe this is all bullshit lol. Anyways I hope any of this was illuminating.

[ask-the-abomination]

(@askchimeknight) Chime wanders up to Vincent curiously with a small note. "Pardon me, I hope you don't mind me asking, but who exactly are these White Coats you speak of? Are they a Pokémon too?" His note says.

The words written on the paper seemed rather confusing to the taller creature. Moreso, he can't quite seem to understand what the paper itself says. Vincent expressing his confusion with his right ear hanging low and head tilting to the side. His eyes could only squint, trying his absolute damnedest to comprehend what the writing says. "I-It's, erm... Well you see... Um... I... I think it says... N-No, that isn't right...". Vincent could only mutter to himself, seeing if whether what he is reading is correct or he is just misunderstanding. "Maybe it says... Trees?? Something about a berry stuck in, uh, c-crystal???"

It was then a paw would slide onto the confused abomination's shoulder.

"Vin, just stop." As assuming as this would seem, Sabor decided to halt Vincent. In his eye, this is just putting the poor Pokemon in a embarrassing position. "You and I both know that you can't read that language. So do us a favor and quit trying to make yourself look more like a fool."

"O-Oh, I didn't know-- I'm sorry.". He didn't knew that attempting to read what he couldn't understand would come across as something negatively. "I just w-wanted to try--!"

Before Vincent could get out another word, Sabor would pull him in with great force. Afterwards he would proceed to smush his paw all over Vincent's face. "Shhhhh, not another word, butt munch~. If you REALLY wanted to read what that little bell wrote, you could of easily asked good ol' Sabor to read for you~."

The Sylveon would swung his paw away from Vincent and made his approach towards Chime. Of course playfully swinging his hips in the process.

Upon reaching the Chingling, he would crouch downwards and move his tail forth. Eyeing at the words written down on the paper. Once he has grasped what it had said, he would straighten himself back up and spun around to face back towards Vincent. "It says, ahem..." Sabor clears his throat, as he would begin to speak pretty loud for Vincent to hear. Although, the choice of tone he spoke sounded pretty goofy. "Paaaaarrrdon me, I hope you don't mind me asking, but who exactly are these lousy, smelly White Coats you speak of? Are they a downgrade version of a 'Pokémon' too? And end quote~. How was my marvelous speech~? A million out of a hundred huh~?"

Disregarding both the tone and Sabor obvious grasp on a compliment, Vincent would perk up at the question. "Oh! The White Coats!" He jolted at the thought of it. Then, now fully realizing that the White Coats are brought in topic, his eyes would wander. His facial becoming grim at just the mere thought of them. "W-Well, the White Coats... They are what Sabor calls them 'Humans'. T-They are the reason that me a-and Sabor became, well, this.". He would sway his paws, directing them at both him and Sabor. Trying to show that what they both look were not of natural causes.

"They're... Not good... Far from it. They experiment, they abuse, and they make you obey their every order. I-If you don't, they... They...."

Sabor would come in to add context of what Vincent wanted to say. "They have a three warning system. The first warning, you be set into a twenty-four hour punishment that induce minor physical pain. Second warning, you will receive weeks worth of maaajjjjooooorrrr aggressive punishments, both physically and psychologically. And the final warning...". He slid his paw through his neck, motioning a sort of slicing motion. "Death."

"... I-It was s-said that the White Coats are setting an example... T-To prevent anyone else from misbehaving and disobeying them... T-That they a-are willing to get their hands dirty by any means necessary..."

"T... The Houndooms that we are running from... They are also a-a product of what the White Coats done to them... Sabor I k-know wants to hurt them, to make our freedom easier with zero issues. But... T-They are like us... They are also victims... Those three... Are in W-White Coat's stronger control. I think that things would be different i-if they were free like us..."

"You say that, yet you neglect the fact that one of them is more than happy to eat us in a heartbeat. Free or not, I rather those three stooges be dead."

{ Answer for @duskffyart / @askchimeknight }