#also there was a really good autism post I read earlier

[angelmachines]

teru & socialization

i've posted about this before but something ive been thinking about a LOT is mp100's themes of loneliness (and eventual connections). i think this is an aspect of teru's character (in particular) that gets left out because it's not as explicit but i've been wanting to do a deep dive on it for a while and i finally sat down to do it. just a warning, this post is gonna be LONG.

these two panels are from chapter 16 of the manga (which i'm using for my evidence because i. dont want to scrub through the anime LOL). initial sentiment: teru uses his powers to cheat having friends/a good social life and wouldn't have that if he tried earnestly. this is a fair interpretation of the scene. with what we know, at this point of time (as in within the teru-mob fight) teru would not be able to connect with other people earnestly, due to his mindset. which i think is a fair interpretation, HOWEVER:

(from chapter 17 ^^) the first panel shows teru's expression to be strained and the second is visibly unhappy. this puts the first set of panels into a different context, that maybe underneath all of this, teru doesn't WANT any of this life that he's built. keep in mind that i'm analyzing this with teru's possible autistic tendencies in mind & you dont have to believe he's autistic, im not your dad, but i do find this a pretty meaningful indication of masking if he were

(note: yes, the strain can definitely be read as comp-het, and i would agree but that's not relevant so go read this post on that instead)

even if the rest of these panels show teru content with his life, i think these expressions are pretty vital to how we read his life especially because we know so little of it. think about it, if you were a kid desperate for affection because you couldn't get it anywhere else, especially not in a way that would come off as "mature" or "unaffected", wouldn't you also look for validation in your popularity? even if it aligned you with people who you consider fundamentally different to you? my point here is that teru can't not stand out-- it's in his nature-- and we are shown how he tries to blend in & receive attention in the only way possible to him; which is to say that he molds himself into something that is palatable, likeable, and superior to other people. if he's nothing, like mob, he has spent his entire life covering up for it. if he fails socially, like mob, he has to be good at everything (even if he cheats to do so) so that everyone else can look past it.

(side note for my teru angst enjoyers: this is a panel of his mom. the mom who he hasn't seen in years. doesn't it make sense that, if he hasn't heard his mom say he's proud of him for literal years, that he would overachieve in response? not related to the autism thing i just have the teru bug. also don't be misogynistic in my notes both his parents suck we just get a singular mention of his mom)

so if teru couldn't meaningfully have friends before mob, that could very easily be because of his past mindset, right?

...except, we don't.. really... see him make other friends afterwards.

but, the awakening lab, right?

(ok i lied to you sorry there is one anime screenshot and thats because it stood out to me while i rewatched it earlier this month. sorry.) id like to bring attention to this screenshot during the cultural festival because the awakening lab can definitely be seen as a direct contradiction of this and i'd like to point out a couple things:

1) in this scene the shiratori brothers are in another room 2) them and the other three are friends with ritsu (or at least close enough acquaintances to want to see him).

considering this is one of the only times they appear together for Fun i am more inclined to believe this is an encounter where they went together because they all would've gone separately anyway. this isn't to discount the possible bond that these characters might have, but thats the thing. we... aren't really shown that they're friends and enjoy spending time together outside of this screenshot, where two out of six of the members are not even present. not to mention that teru is still placing himself in a role separate from his peers. despite stripping the superiority away, teru is still the awakening lab's mentor, not friend. teru still views himself as fundamentally different in a context where his psychic powers don't make him that way.

...except with mob. i bring this placement of power up because where he is the awakening lab's mentor, teru declares mob to be his rival, or, in other words, teru is just like him. he is accepting that mob and him are the same. (and if we view mob from an autistic lens... so on and so forth)

as if to hammer in that point even further-- in the summer vacation omake, teru explicitly states that "summer break is just a super long, super boring stretch of alone time." i'm not sure of the timeline here, but guessing from the hair, we're at least post season 1. which gives us explicit confirmation here that teru is spending the break alone despite his relationship to the awakening lab. his connection to mob is a lifeline here because mob is one of the only people who can intuitively understand teru's isolation without judgment

(also, on that point of teru's autistic tendencies: teru does and says a LOT of things that would raise other peoples eyebrows and doesn't seem to notice.

here we get teru actively admitting to his home life, right in front of reigen, WHO COULD CALL CHILD SERVICES ON HIM? this genuinely made me rethink this character entirely. teru's filter is... minimal. he isn't constantly volunteering information and generally minds his own business, but if you ask? Well.

teru is a social person, but to say he is proficient in understanding social situations seems... wrong. teru views his loneliness as boring because, despite being fairly open, does not actually allow himself to think about his own feelings and how they affect him. this loneliness is boring because he doesn't have enough of a reference to realize its not

if we are taking pre-mob teru to be a version of himself who is masking, or at the very least someone who is faking a lot of stuff in a less autistic sense, the fight with mob changes teru to the point where he no longer hides himself. in the same way that mob was able to shake teru's fragile superiority complex i think the change in appearance marks the end of the self teru had built up. from this point on we see him become a lot more... Him. his appearance and his fashion choices are, presumably, completely normal to him and we get no indication that he believes otherwise despite the reactions it gets-- which is... well, i wouldn't be writing this post if i thought it was one of his most neurotypical traits.

in fact, he seems... pretty oblivious to what other people think of him. which is an interesting distinction to make considering the intelligence we Know he possesses (which is not to say that you are unintelligent if you don't pick up on social cues, just that its common for media to depict it that way.) these traits are made pointedly, even if unintentionally, separate, ESPECIALLY when you note the amount of characters who Do ruminate on or stare at teru's appearance.

some examples. i don't even think this is all of it-- case in point.)

[aroaceleovaldez]

I’m a bit nervous about sending an ask, but the curiosity has won me over, hope this isn’t too many questions

You said you headcannon Leo Valdez as dragon kin so I was wondering, do you think he has shifts often, if at all? If so, does he generally have some types of shifts more often or is it more balanced? And do the other campers and the seven know? If they do, did he tell them or did they piece it together on their own? If he told them, did he have to explain a lot or were they kind of just like “okay” and didn’t question it a lot? Like they just accepted it and didn’t want to overstep or something is what I mean

I think maybe I’m overthinking this, I really hope I’m not asking too many questions or anything

It's no worries at all! Asks/questions are always welcome!

I think his most usual shifts would be teeth/scales, but they're a lot more subtle so he either doesn't notice them as much or can ignore them. Those ones are probably semi-regular for him but again, more subtle most of the time (most of the time... every once in awhile he gets hit with a stronger maw shift and he's just sitting there gnashing his teeth at the air for like an hour cause his mouth feels weird until it goes away). Maybe also horns.

Less common ones for him but ones he'd notice more are probably wings, tail, and talons. Talons i mostly just think would be funny for him cause he has his habit of tapping his fingers as a stim. Him getting tripped up from the phantom talons while trying to stim, being confused for a minute about why his fingers aren't touching the table and he just ends up tapping out morse code into the air a couple inches above his desk instead. Wings and tail would probably just be pretty standard phantom limbs - they're just there and he's aware of them and maybe able to move them a bit. I imagine he'd eventually try to make some 'kin gear to help with those shifts specifically just so his brain stops error 404ing when his dragon limbs pass through solid objects despite his brain thinking they should be able to tangibly interact.

I don't think Leo would know what otherkin/alterhuman is when he first meets the Argo II crew, and probably wouldn't get the opportunity to learn about it for awhile. He doesn't really have the vocabulary to explain how he's feeling - just that he Is A Dragon. The rest of the crew probably also doesn't know what otherkin/alterhuman is either so they don't have an explanation for him, but, yknow, demigod life is already so goddamn weird, if Leo says he's a dragon that's not the most abnormal thing they've heard that week and they'll just take his word for it and accept it. And Jason probably understands the feeling re: being a wolf therian, even though he doesn't have the vocabulary to explain it either, so there's at least some solidarity there.

Earlier on I think Leo would just crack a lot of jokes about being a dragon, not particularly explaining how he feels about it to the others but just kind of putting the concept out there. He might try to explain it if the topic comes up but, as mentioned before, just struggle too much to try and find the words for it (the adhd/dyslexia/autism wording problems do not help there). I do like to think though that, due to their Hades/Pluto kid soul powers, Nico and Hazel would actually be able to pick up on spiritual-origin otherkin/therians/etc if they focused on it - Nico in particular, probably a lot more passively - and be able to kind of see phantom limbs/shifts sometimes (cause goodness knows how souls/spirit stuff works in the Riordanverse and I can have my self-indulgent silly alterhuman worldbuilding hcs if i want to - also at least partially inspired by some journal posts i've read of people mentioning people/animals/automatic doors picking up on their phantom limbs and being able to track the movement and stuff. if any demigod would be able to do that it's gonna be the kids with literal soul/phantom powers). I just find the concept amusing of Leo trying to explain this extremely metaphysical experience and Nico's just off to the side like "Oh yeah no, your soul is a dragon. Like, very literally. Dunno how that happened but good for you. btw why do you have ghost wings sometimes?" And Leo's grateful for someone helping him explain it but also isn't sure how he should react to statement. Eventually though one of the crew stumbles across alterhuman stuff - probably Leo or Annabeth, most likely accidentally through looking into daemonism stuff (you know they both read His Dark Materials) - and they put two and two together and finally have a means to explain it and Leo could not be more relieved (though he still doesn't know how to feel about Nico's soul comments).

I love rotating alterhuman demigods in my brain

[fandomfreakstudios]

*cracks knuckles* I guess I gotta be coherent for this shit, huh

So, Raguma made a very good post here, that talked about her opinions on Peanutbutter’s feelings for Bojack earlier in the series, and the way she wrote about Peanutbutter slowly falling in love with Bojack hath inspired me (also I need to stay awake really bad, I can’t fall asleep I need to leave the house in an hour and a half)

I’m not gonna claim I don’t like the idea of Peanutbutter pining and nursing a secret massive “love at first sight” crush on Bojack since the 90s. It’s fun, it’s interesting, it is an impactful reading of Peanutbutter’s early-series behaviour that brings some well-earned queerness into a piece of media I know and love.

Do I think it’s canon..?

Kinda

I think having stuff be cut and dry like that is a disservice not only to the characters depth, but to the realism that the show is always managing to portray to a truly stunning degree. That conclusion just feels so… one note in comparison to basically all other Peanutbutter analysis i’ve seen.

Really think about it. We all know about the Labrador Peninsula, we’ve talked about it a thousand times by now, so i’m not gonna use too much space reiterating. But tl:dr the peninsula is a very cookie-cutter environment that cuts out any sort of negativity or perceived abnormality.

An environment like that wouldn’t exactly be the most ideal environment to develop the sort of vocabulary that would help him understand and recognize his own queer feelings. While never actively bigoted it’s still easy to fall in the “it’s ok for everyone but me” sort of mindset.

Implying that Peanutbutter would have a solid and identifiable crush on Bojack in the homophobic 90s is just… not the most true to life. It’s unfortunate, but that bit of tragedy is kind of ingrained into the circumstances of his childhood and the political environment of the era.

Furthermore, implying Peanutbutter KNOWS he has a crush on his peer while repeatedly getting into relationships and marriages just feels… scummy. It undercuts the loyalty that is so central to his character until his divorce with Diane. That moment with Diane is supposed to be a huge dip in morality, but implying he would do something similar with Bojack and his wives, even just on an emotional level, leaves the impression he’s just kind of like that, which removes some of the impact of him cheating on pickles.

But I ALSO don’t think the crush is necessarily something he just suddenly develops post canon, or even mid series.

I think Mr. Peanutbutter is a victim of Comp Het

And this isn’t necessarily just for his potential unrecognized and under-developed feelings for Bojack, I’m talking total queer denial. I think he’s Pan, and Pan specifically, not TRULY caring about the gender of his partner, but also not recognizing his feelings for men as romantic.

Also, throwing some autism in there, mistaking a crush on Bojack as some sort of fixation. He could definitely realistically have Horsin’ Around be a special interest of his, and of COURSE he would respect the wonderful actor who brought one of the main characters to life! (also side note about the autism, him learning how to mask and socially present from a combination of both his overly cheery hometown, and an overly fake Hollywoo)

And another thing! One very good point Raguma brought up in the post I linked earlier, was the way in which Peanutbutter had his relationships. About how his relationships with others often lacked a certain depth and emotional connection (I personally believe this is something he craves but has no idea how to actually pursue). ALSO that Peanutbutter would only really know the sort of persona that Bojack put forth until a lot closer to the end of the series.

This is definitely part of the complicated semi-feelings and semi-fixation he has on Bojack. Thinking he’s cool, and thinking he’s another fun famous guy who he REALLY likes and appreciates and wants to spend time with. And as Bojack opens up, and Peanutbutter emotionally matures, their relationship becomes more deep and powerful.

I know my thoughts are very disjointed right now but I have a ton of them and I want to at least get them out there

[greghatecrimes]

i always want to read autistic!Thirteen essays <3

⚡️

Lightning anon my beloved <3 <3 (Seriously, I always smile when I get an ask from you!) For you, here are the beginnings of my notes on autistic!Thirteen!

For these I worked off of a community-made list of traits commonly found in AFAB people diagnosed with autism. (Said post really helped me out when I was puzzling out if I was autistic or not as well as debating whether or not to seek diagnosis. So it's not anything official like the DSM, but it was written by autistic AFAB people, for autistic AFAB people, and myself and Thirteen would both fall into that category).

[Editing to link: Part 1.5, 2]

First: Traits with Canonical Support/Evidence

Tends to analyze everything constantly. She’s at least always analyzing the behaviors of House & the team, especially in season four when she's still getting to know them.

Often straightforward and practical in nature. (Especially at work for her. Her work persona is is uber-practical and completely different from the "unmasked" moments of goofiness and fun we see from her with Foreman in season five, and at times with House in season six and seven.)

Prone to honesty, has difficulty lying (When she's had the time to script and practice something in advance, she's great at lying. See her lie to House at the hotel in The Dig and the few episodes in season five where she and Foreman made an elaborate scheme to pretend they had broken up. But when she's flying blind and has no time to prepare? She kind of sucks at lying, à la her excuses to get House off her back in You Don't Want To Know, and when the Foreteen breakup ruse falls apart.)

May struggle to understand manipulation, disloyalty, vindictive behavior and retaliation. (I would say this is something she probably only ran into earlier in life, and sort of 'grew out of' as she gained more life experience. Example: when she was seventeen and didn’t understand that her 30 y/o boyfriend was taking advantage of her/didn't love her until well after the fact.)

May be gullible and easily taken advantage of, misled, or conned. (This one is another earlier in life thing that I think she would 'grow out of'/find ways to work around, same as above. But also? She took a car loan with 12% INTEREST. good lord Thirteen, WHY?? That shouts 'taken advantage of by a car salesperson to me'. So maybe it was something to do with this. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

May have feelings of confusion and isolation in relation to others (To Foreman in Lucky Thirteen: "She hasn't gone anywhere, and I... feel alone.")

Often has slower reaction times due to need for mental processing. (Her and House's exchange in Don't Ever Change: “You do it both ways, right?” Thirteen stares, dead silent, looking utterly shocked. “...The ultrasound, I mean. You do it both ways. Lying down and standing up.” Plus pretty much every other instance of her Deer In The Headlights face lol)

May find math and numbers easier to deal with due to logic and lack of subjective answers. (This one is more 'potentially' rather than concrete. But she did go into medical/STEM field, and in The Dig we find out that she had a knack for science/physics/engineering in high school. She was good enough to place in the top three in the state-wide science fair her junior year. But like always, correlation ≠ causation.)

Often relates discussion back to self/sharing as a means of reaching out. (She does this with Chase a few times in season six! First telling him she started seeing a counselor after her diagnosis and using it to suggest that counseling might help him post-divorce; and then later telling Chase about her 30 y/o boyfriend when he’s mourning his and Cameron’s relationship and wondering if Cameron ever loved him. She also relates with the patients as a way of reaching out, like in Joy when she tries to connect with POTW's daughter. "Must be hard not having your mom around, huh?")

May have difficulty regulating voice volume to different situations. (I’ve noticed that in certain scenes with House, especially when she’s angry, her voice gets much louder than House's does and at a much faster pace. Some prime examples are You Don't Want to Know: "No, you don't know because I don't know!" and later "I might die. So could you, you could get hit by a bus tomorrow! The only difference is you don't have to know about it today, so why should I?" And in Instant Karma when she goes to House's apartment and loudly/firmly starts the conversation with "Stay out of my life!")

May feel misunderstood and tend to over-explain/ramble in an attempt to compensate for possible miscommunication. (in Instant Karma when she's talking with the cab driver: "Bangkok, that sounds awesome. How long?" "Not sure yet." she pauses, realizes the implication of what she's said (her place will be empty for a long time), and then backtracks to say: "Luckily I have a friend who's staying at my place, taking care of my dog. He's really big. So he needs a lot of exercise." Then she starts over explaining herself again (!) directly after when she tries to say to the driver, "Look, I'm sorry. I don't know you. You're either honest or dishonest. I figured the safer choice is to...")

May be highly intuitive to others’ feelings, although may not appear to react to them ‘correctly’ in social situations (In The Dig: House talking about how he was Cuddy’s weird boyfriend, not Lucas → Thirteen realizes a second too late that he’s serious and then can see the sadness/hurt from the breakup. Instead of adhering to the social norm of “I’m sorry”, she blurts out “I killed a man” to distract him from his feelings.)

Often holds great compassion for suffering. (*Points at the whole show in general* She might not always be outwardly gushy about it like Cameron is, but it's there.)

May try to help, offer unsolicited advice, or formalize plans of action. (We see this in her interactions with patients. i.e., reaching out to the kid in The Softer Side and trying to help, completely separate from the team, when she thinks he's suicidal.)

May frequently reject or question social norms. (Lots of her dialogue, much like House's, goes against what the "norm" was in the early 2000s. For example: her discussions with Foreman and later Wilson about bisexuality.)

Tend to say what they mean. Are often brutally honest, coming off as rude when they do not mean to be. (To Kutner asking about her Huntington's in early season five: "If I wanted to talk about it, why didn't I bring it up?" And similarly, with House in Wilson's Heart: "Yeah, I'm at risk for Huntington's. I've dealt with it." "By not getting tested?" "You are the champion of not dealing with your problems. (...) You're screwing up this case worse than I am!" Finally, in Last Resort: the other ducklings talk about how they feel House's arrogance is going to kill someone. Thirteen goes a step further and comes out with the brutal honesty. "You're a coward. You need to know everything because you're afraid to be wrong. You're so afraid of being ordinary, of being just another doctor, just another human being, that you'll risk other people's lives.")

Often speaks frankly and literally.

May notice patterns frequently (basically a prerequisite to work for House, haha!)

May possess a youthful appearance and/or voice. (she looks very young! However, this can also just be attributed to Olivia Wilde being younger than Thirteen was when playing her. Olivia was 24 when they started filming season four; Thirteen was at minimum 29.)

Clothing style is likely more focused on comfort and practicality, especially in the case of sensory issues. (Thirteen occasionally dresses a bit fancier, but most of the time she's far more casual than the rest of the team (save for House). Usually she’s just wearing a comfortable, casual tee shirt and jeans or plain black pants She dresses up her outfits with simple makeup, a necklace, and cute shoes. She dresses much more comfy/casual than Cameron did when she was on the diagnostics team. See: Cameron's suits/vests, etc.)

This is getting so long that I'm gonna need to make another post for part two: traits that don't necessarily have concrete canon evidence, but that I see in her.

[lillahqur]

Can I be a Muslim witch?

This is my first post, and I saw someone post here earlier asking about being a Christian witch, so I thought I might ask for help too.

I don't know how to start or where to start, but I was never a really religious person. Growing up with autism, I was questioning everything, it wasn't until my teen years that I discovered witchcraft and thought "wow, this makes sense". Maybe it was how I was raised (Roman Catholic, but we didn't pray or go to church etc.) But I was frustrated at the lack of answers I got from god. While being a child all I did was ask and ask things of God, but never got anything, but when I found witchcraft and paganism, it made sense to offer things to the gods, pray to them, and do things in their honor, then they'll feel.. appreciated(?) I guess that's a good word. A thing that I thought often was putting it in human terms, I'd get annoyed only being asked things but never being appreciated, or given anything in return.

About a year after that is when my friends friend from Greece had asked if we wanted to know what Greek god would be best for us to worship. So we gave our details to her aunt who does witchcraft, in the end I found out Aphrodite would be the best for me, so I've been worshiping her for 2 years.

Now around that time a couple years ago I started to see more Islamic videos popping up on my TikTok and I kind of liked them periodically but never payed too much attention to them. Finally, last year I got curious, so I started to watch and read more about Islam. It was beautiful, it felt so inclusive, I was speechless.

By now I know a bit more than I did then, and two things replay in my head daily, 1) witchcraft/magic is forbidden [as stated in the Quran many times] and 2) worshipping another deity other than God (Allah) is also forbidden [also stated in the Quran]

So far I've only seen the Quran talk about, what some would call, baneful magic and as for the second one, it even states in the Shahada (Islamic declaration of faith) that there is no god but God (Allah), it's direct translation is "I bear witness that there is no deity worthy of worship except Allah; and I bear witness that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah"

These two things have been the only reason stopping me from converting/reverting to Islam, one more than the other obviously.

I guess my two questions are: what do I do about wanting to be Muslim but worshipping Aphrodite?

It states clearly there should only be Allah and I don't want to take my Shahada when it would be based on a lie.

And my next question being: Once I figure out the first, can I practice witchcraft and be Muslim?

I've seen another Muslim witch, but again, she didn't have the first issue as me.

Anyone and everyone's advice/thoughts would be appreciated, thank you :)

[inevitablestars]

HEY LINDS this is my Official Attempt to sway you towards perciver i hope you like it and that it doesnt turn you off them forever, now first off!

general relationship potential:

percy and oliver are in the same year and as far as we know they are the only boys in gryffindor in their year which makes them not only roommates but also the only boys in their room. for seven years.

percy is incredibly misunderstood by his whole family pretty much always, they all avoid him or are rude to him or just misunderstand him completely. with oliver's proximity its very likely hes the first person ever in percys life to properly observe him and understand him!!!

percy is the most career driven singleminded ambitious motherfucker in gryffindor.... second only to oliver!!! who is the most quidditch obsessed bitch on this planet and arguably has more solid career goals of anyone in that entire series. they are hyperfocused! they are girlbossing! they are not getting a wink of sleep bc they both get so lost in their work they forget what time is!

classic jock/nerd combo except oliver is a jock who is secretly a nerd (think of all the quidditch stats!!) and percy is a nerd who is secretly a jock (percy is a master spellcaster and nobody can convince me otherwise, that man fought multiple death eaters on his own at the battle of hogwarts and you do not get that kind of skill from just sitting behind a desk)

idk theres honestly a lot of directions one could take them but theyve just got so much chemistry and so much in common but also different and theyve got so much potential

(in my head they are the definition of autism/adhd solidarity but i know that not everyone hcs them that way which is cool too)

now for fic recs!!!

Twenty-nine - 85k - Endrina

percy weasley-centric fic that is honestly one of the most creative interpretations of him ive ever read, it goes deep into his past and his canonic decisions and stuff but theres a twist to it that is just gold, also its a whodunit where oliver's been framed for murder and only percy knows hes innocent its very very good and definitely played a huge part in me falling in love w percy's character

A New Life - 89k - AnotherAuthor, myroaringtwenties

percy and oliver meet post-war and help each other get their lives moving forward again, its very well written and very sweet but mind the tags its kinda heavy at points, it doesnt shy away from how hard the war was on everyone but the community that the weasleys and the quiddich players have is very warm and i love it

At least he has great abs - 12k - Irisen

this one is a cute shorter nonmagic soulmate au where oliver is a famous footballer and percy is a politician and they end up being soulmates, its very funny and light and i just enjoy it

(also i am technically writing a perciver fic rn its called Rely On Me and the first two chapters are up on ao3 but its my first fic attempt and i havent updated it all summer bc Life so pls dont feel obligated to read it i just felt like it would be weird if i didnt mention it)

anyway! i hope you enjoyed this if nothing else and if you read these or find other perciver fics or just wanna talk about em lmk bc i am always down to talk perciver i love them with my whole heart and soul <3

josephine hello. is this from literally ten months ago? perhaps it is. but i'm here now.... you mentioned perciver earlier and it reminded me that this has been sitting in my inbox for SO LONG

alright let's get into this

• iconic of them to be alone in a dorm for seven years together that already screams soulmates

• you're so right these two get their minds set on something and they're going to get it they're going to achieve whatever they want (tbh i already think they should put that energy toward like Getting Together but i distress)

• nerd jocks! a slay tbh

• i see the autism adhd thing i get it

• i also think like yeah i agree they have a lot in common when you dig into them but from one glance it's like ? these two? really? but then you see who they are at their core and it's like oh of course how could you think anything else (i have a lot of characters and dynamics that this sorta concept applies to i get it)

also love the inclusion of fic recs which i will check out when i am back to reading <3 consider myself convinced (it did not take much you already convinced me by just sending this ask)

[schleckermaul]

「 GET TO KNOW YOUR RP PARTNER! 」 ( repost, please don’t reblog )

「BASICS」

▐ NAME: luce ▐ PRONOUNS: they/it ▐ SEXUALITY: bi ▐ TAKEN OR SINGLE: taken 💕 ▐ FIVE FACTS:

i have a cat named edmund who is my entire world. we go on walks and i teach him tricks every now and then

unfortunately spend a lot of time playing o.verwatch. i started playing because of l.ifeweaver and got stuck. still playing l.ifeweaver tho

currently training my dying attention span back to being able to read again. i try to do poetry daily, but i'm also reading "song of the six realms" by judy i lin rn! the cover is beautiful and it's been a fun read till now

i used to go by atlas in rp circles! took a big break after the pandemic hit and switched over to luce bc it didn't sit right anymore

i have ocd so i get pretty obsessed about organization and how the blog looks. if u see me deleting posts, this is why

「EXPERIENCE」

▐ HOW LONG (YEARS/MONTHS): i'm 25 now so ... 11 years, with rping specifically ▐ PLATFORMS USED: coughs ▐ BEST EXPERIENCE: i hopped from hyperfixation to hyperfixation throughout the years, but my best time has always been writing break. my time in the c.ritical r.ole fandom was also pretty banger, until it kind of exploded at the end

「MUSE PREFERENCES」

▐ MALE/FEMALE/OTHER: i tend to transmasc beam my characters, that's kind of the trend for me ▐ FAVORITE FACECLAIM: oh man, generally speaking, anything from ph or vnc gets my vote, but i've been using gilbert for a long time! i'm also particularly fond of antoine de sade from vnc ▐ FLUFF, ANGST, OR SMUT: angst! as ur average ph enjoyer, i'm a big fan of tragedy ▐ PLOTS OR MEMES: both! i like plotting a little and then just seeing where it goes. occasionally i also like to go ham on a meme. in regards to memes, @/nobully has inspired me a lot! her meme replies are always so good ▐ LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: i ramble lmao. lots of things to say, though i try to balance out ... everything, while still giving enough space and engagement for the reply from my partners ▐ BEST TIME TO WRITE: late at night, usually. i also really like getting up a bit earlier to get some writing in when i'm excited about a thread ▐ ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSES: in some ways, but not in most. break in particular i've just written for a long time, so that writing him comes easily to me not because we're alike, but because i know him well. autism event and such (it's been years)

[solarishashernoseinabook]

Hello! Me again, hiiiii.

Another autism related question (do tell if I need to stop, I know it's not your 'job' to be a guidance person)

Any tips on trying to study with high stress and executive dysfunction? Got an exam next week, and a plethora of other deadlines making my executive dysfunction have a party, and my focus all over the place and really brittle.

I thought I saw a post of you earlier saying you had great impulse control/spiral control, so maybe you have something related?

Kisses<3

Ahaha, this is a good question, for you see in this case I have something better than autism! I have a psychology minor!

(bubblebee: something better than autism? impossible. you liar solaris.)

The most effective study aid, I found, was to make cue cards. Yknow, these things:

On the front, write something general - when I was doing this in college for my library degree, I would've put, say, "Dewey Decimal classifications". Then, on the back, write out SIMPLY the bare bones detail. In my case, it would've looked like this:

FRONT OF CARD: Dewey Decimal Classifications

BACK OF CARD:

000 General Information

100 Philosophy & Psychology

200 Religion & Spirituality

Etc, etc

Do not overload the back if the card with information. You want, at most, about three sentences there. The point is to have a bite-sized bundle of information. When you're done making the cards, have someone study with you from them, or use them yourself. You, or the person you're studying with, holds up the front of the card, and you're to provide the information on the back.

Next, set a schedule that works for you for studying. Do not force yourself to study 24/7. Your body and mind need breaks, so take regular breaks. Also, from experience, my 'tism hates the idea of "okay, we're sitting down and studying now", so try fitting it in around chores you're doing. You need to study, but you suddenly had the urge to clean the kitchen counters? Have someone read you the front if the cards, and recite the info on the back while you scrub them down. Need to cook? Have someone quiz you on the cards as you chop veggies or stir the pot. Watching a TV show? Study your cue cards every commercial break. No TV, chores, etc? Set a five minute timer, do as many cue cards as you can in that five minutes, and take a break. Be sure to take a break that's discreet and fixed. Time your break. Play a mobile game with distinct levels and only play one level in between five minute study sessions. Don't say "in between study sessions, I'll watch a youtube video / clean the counters / read a book" because those take variable amounts of time and you won't fit in another five minute study session.

Overall, remember to be gentle with yourself, build in plenty of breaks, and get a good night's sleep before every exam - the brain encodes information in memory while you sleep, so you're helping yourself more than you realise by taking breaks like that ❤

[alfgifu]

analysing my own fic: the navel, the gaze, and the wanging on about it

So.

I used to be fairly active online in fandom-adjacent spaces but almost entirely as a lurker. I was still following various tumblr accounts through a feed-reader, but had otherwise kind of switched off for a decade or two. I spent more time online in other places, discussing religion and politics mostly, and hadn’t really done much for myself or for fun.

I kept writing, both at work and in my spare time. I got better at explaining things concisely and persuasively. I spent hours over drafts of novels that I knew were shit, partly because I wanted to improve but partly because [black hole of self-sabotage due to stress of undiagnosed autism].

In the autumn of 2022 I was doing what I imagine a lot of us did that year - getting my head around life adjustments after the acute phase of the pandemic. The trauma, the impact on my spouse and kids, the impact on my job. Jobs, I should say, because I had whirled through a lot of them in the previous couple of years and ended up somewhere I couldn’t have predicted and wouldn’t necessarily have wanted to land.

It was by chance that I found and enjoyed Victoria Goddard’s writing that year, when I was unsettled and reaching around for things to try. There was a link to a fan-run discord community in the afterword of At the Feet of the Sun and I was curious enough to check it out. I had been disengaging from social media for a while - algorithmic feeds drive me up the wall - but there seemed no harm in finding a new place to lurk.

I hadn’t realised that new arrivals are actively welcomed in discord servers. I also hadn’t realised how easy it is to join a voice channel by accident while you’re trying to figure yourself out. Two interactions with friendly people - enough to lower the internal friction to posting something else. And something else after that.

And I had been thinking, hadn’t I, that I might want to write some fanfiction? Twenty years of reading and not writing… It was surely my turn. It would be good practice, a chance to test myself on sharing fiction in public.

Perhaps, I thought, one or two people will read it. Perhaps I��ll get some feedback.

Welp.

I hadn’t allowed for how welcoming and supportive the community would be. I hadn’t realised how hungry a tiny fandom is for new content. I hadn’t known how addictive any kind of validation about my writing would prove.

Anyway my fingers slipped and

So that happened.

In November it’ll be two years since I joined the fandom; in December, two years since I first posted a fic chapter to AO3. It seems like a good time to take stock.

My writing pace has dropped like a brick in the past six months due to other life stressors, which has kiboshed both fanfic and the ambition to finish another original novel this year (and with it the hope to maybe, this time, writing something less shit and more shareable).

This month I’ve mostly been drawing Inktober doodles instead of writing. I hope to recover a bit that way. The other life events continue but unlike earlier this year the stresses seem likely to end in a good place - eventually! - and when things are less full-on I have to believe that the urge and capacity to write fiction will recover.

For now, having blown the dust off this tumblr, I’m going to do some processing by taking a look here at the various things I’ve written and contributed to over the past two years. I’m planning to reflect on how and why they came about, on what worked and what didn’t, and on what I learned from writing them.

[rizaposting]

@rizaposting !! I can't believe the Big Bang is only a few days away; here are some asks!

Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? How?

Most fun thing about the event?

Tips to meet deadlines and work with artists/writers/beta-readers on such a big project?

Or another question you haven't been asked yet but would love to talk about!

I can't wait to see what you've been working on! It's been a wild ride!

Thank you Casey! I'm so excited to read your fic in a couple of days!!!

Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? How?

The short answer is: sometimes! Sometimes I just go straight to the good stuff. But when I DO warm up my favorite way is to multitask between several different projects. Do a little sketching here, a little refining there, some shading etc. If I have a brand spanking new document and have to start sketching and don't feel like working on anything else, I'll usually doodle a few wobbly, 3/4 view portraits of Riza until I get all the uglies out.

Tips to meet deadlines and work with artists/writers/beta-readers on such a big project?

I'm unfortunately nnnnnnnot the best person to ask about meeting deadlines lmao, but when it comes to working with other artists/writers, communication is key. All parties should feel free to ask about a thousand questions and post photo/stock images to help get your point across. I'm really visual so that helps a ton, and I definitely also pestered the lovely authors with a bunch of questions. The most important rule is to Be Nice, which was never an issue in this group!

The only question I haven't got (to my knowledge) is Choose between your babies! Roy or Riza? And I think that's because people might know who Miss Rizaposting prefers XD

BUT! I'll still answer... Riza. Yeah, sorry, you were all right. Who could have guessed! I've just always been really drawn to her, even when I first watched FMA03 back in the day and it was Riza's first or so appearance before she was introduced. I was just immediately captivated by her autism swag 💗

Actually, fun aside, Riza is widely what I consider kind of my Bisexual Awakening (there were earlier signs but not ones that I understood consciously) but it's funny because my first crush had blond hair and brown eyes too.

[the-sparkling-diamond-satine]

3, 11, 16, 18, 25, 29, 47, 54, and 57 for the get to know your fic writer questions :) <3 !!!

Get to know your fic writer! Asks

3. Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic

I'm so sorry, I do not know. It just...happens? For me I most often start with whatever scene popped into my head first as the basis for the idea. Then I sort of plot my way outwards (how did we get here = beginning and middle. where are we going = end) then write it from start to finish. ...Apparently I do know. Jk. Earlier statement redacted

11. Link your three favorite fics right now

so hallowed and so gracious by nowrunalong. Buffy is wishing for a piece of chocolate cake and a cup of coffee when she enters her kitchen to find a ghost reading the newspaper.

Buffy/Anya fic OF ALL TIME. It's what really got me interested in shipping them. I've reread this more times than I can count.

Body Language by explosionshark. Buffy and Faith have always communicated best when they're not relying on words at all.

Buffy/Faith. It's so so so SO good!!!! Reread this a gazillion times.

Flowers for a Ghost series by aliceinwonderbra. When Buffy jumps into the the portal in The Gift, she wakes up in a new world. This series is comprised of Flowers for a Ghost, the story of canon Buffy in an Alt world, and The Girl from Away, the story of Alt Buffy in canon.

Buffy/Faith. The angst in this one hurt SO BAD I have only managed to read it once, but I think about it often.

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

Asking me this is a mistake, the answer is TOO MANY + I will never shut up about my fic ideas so be careful haha. Jk, according to my list of MR! fic ideas: 152. At random from the list, here is a summary from one: "Christian's hand is shaking too much, his finger slips on the trigger, and he kills someone he never meant to hurt." So. That sounds like an enjoyable time :)) /s (there is something so wrong with me...in my defense there is also something so wrong with Christian)

18. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

It depends. Sometimes the title is the first thing in my mind and I craft the fic around that. Sometimes it's the very last thing added before I hit post.

25. What fic do you wish you got more of a response on?

more and darling, dearest, dead from MR! I consider them to be some of the best things I've ever written haha I'm proud of how they turned out!! And I want people to scream about them with me in the comments MORE PLEASEEEEE. *getting down on the ground* hereeeee comments, pspspspsps!!!!

He Slays Monsters. Always. It's my baby, but it's consistently lost readers overtime as people realized Buffy is likely gonna identify as [redacted] by the end. Redacted for spoilers but, it's obvious. People put it together, and they don't come back. *sigh* writing trans fic can really suck haha

29. What's your revision or editing process like?

Hell.

47. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

Boring answer but: as many times as it takes before I'm happy with it. Could be once. Could be I'll sit on it for 6 months until posting. Idk how to explain but I can just feel if there's something off about it and if it has that feeling, I wait until I figure out why and fix it.

54. What's your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

Taking characters I love and making more content and stories for them!!!!!! Changing canon and watching what happens. Putting them in an AU and seeing how they're the same/different. Saving the blorbos!!! (Traumatizing the blorbos more...) Also: huge one for me is comments/asks/engagement from others in the fandom!!! I'm really awkward and have vampire autism (won't talk about The Thing unless invited) so I just make stuff and put it lovingly at everyone's feet like an offering and hope some of them come talk to me about this thing I worked so so hard on before I implode

57. Do you prefer editing as you write, or waiting until it's finished?

I have to actively stop myself from editing as I write, but it always goes better when I do.

[theoldaeroplane]

Man; this last year has been so strange for me in terms of my perception of myself.

It has been not quite a year since I said to my [redacted] that my fussiness over people at my work not following any sensible structure in their code was so strong that you would almost think I'm autistic. I'm not sure why it was that idle thought, specifically, that made me start researching what having autism actually looks like. It was such a tremendous breakthrough for me once I started reading, in a way it hasn't been for some friends that have offhandedly mentioned they thought they might be autistic. (It's possible they're having their own breakthroughs in private, but I don't think so.)

Suddenly I had Explanations for why I am the way I am. I had the language. I didn't have to constantly fall back on "I guess I'm just overly sensitive" or "I'm weird like that" with no obvious cause.

On the heels of this, and I mean like three weeks after I started reading, I began to suspect I might have ADHD as well. I've suspected this in the past, I even took a test, but I was told I didn't have it. And they were the professional, and I paid hundreds of dollars for that test, so surely it meant I didn't have it, right? My problems with time and attention and memory must just be quirks. I must just not care enough.

Buddy.

Earlier this year I finally got an appointment with a psychiatrist, who asked me some questions and gave me a prescription. It had to change a few times before we found one that balanced side effects and symptom relief.

I can't tell you how strange it's been to watch my perception of myself change. For most of my life, I was told I was weird, lazy, that I didn't care enough, that I was too sensitive, that I needed to try harder, that I had so much potential I wasn't living up to, that I was acting different on purpose, that I thought I was so special. I internalized all of it. I believed all of it. What else could I do? I was a kid. Something was wrong and the adults in my life decided it was those things.

No one ever thought I might be autistic. No one ever suggested I might have ADHD. Not even my dad, who also has ADHD, who is probably autistic himself.

I do my best not to be bitter. The world was different when I was a kid. Information was hard to come by and we were poor. For all that I've come to hate my mother I understand that she herself was struggling heavily with her own mental health. I'm angry I slipped under the radar, but I don't know if anyone can really be blamed. And being angry can't change the past. All I can do now is move forward.

I have to remind myself, often, that I am a good person. (The fact I was raised to believe that all people are inherently wicked is another post.) That I am trying my best, and operating under a fundamentally broken system that is intolerant to people who don't fit its borders. That if the screaming and shaming and self-flagellating were going to work they would have done so by now. That my brain is built in such a way that causes it to constantly feel both over- and under-stimulated. That I'm not broken.

I was, as the story goes, a cygnet being raised by ducks, who simply got more and more frustrated when their strange duckling did not act the way a duckling should.

Well. I guess I'm a swan now. A swan with baggage, which is a funny image. I can't quack, but I can trumpet. And I have wings so powerful that they can break bones. (Just go with the metaphor.) More importantly, I know I'm not a duck, and I'm learning I don't have to keep trying to be one.

[spookymoonz]

Heyo! Could I possibly request some neurodivergent hcs for the aaf characters?

Hi! Of course you can! Here we go!

(BTW to all my fans out there who don't know what neurodivergent means (Like me at first) It basically means anyone who's brain differences affect how their brain works. This can include disorders like ADHD, autism, OCD, anxiety, depression, stuttering, etc.)

Andy: Definitely has some anxiety. Who wouldn't in his shoes? He has to run an entire farm, has friends who are constantly pranking him, and he keeps getting haunted by a literal demon pumpkin. He also has some sensory issues. That's why he usually wears gloves.

Felix: ADHD. He can not pay attention. He also has a lot of energy as well. Which is a good thing. Most of the time.

Melody: I think she's probably autistic. She's usually quite bubbly. However, (As M36games confirmed it) She's also quite sensitive and doesn't like being yelled at. She can also read emotions really well. Able to tell from the slightest tone of voice if someone is unhappy. (Just like me fr) She's also quite affectionate.

Margaret: I talked about this in an earlier post, but she has some sensory issues. Usually quite sensitive to pain and some textures can feel quite uncomfortable to her.

Claus: OCD. Usually like things very organized. His house is perfect. If something is too disorganized, he'll quickly reorganize it behind everyone's backs. He also doesn't like being touched in certain places.

Hoped you liked it! Sorry if it's not very good. I didn't do too much research on this.

[loganofthenorth]

Me: Alright, everything's quiet, my physical needs have been taken care of, I want to write, and brain rot about my OCs isn't in the way. Let's get to work!

ADHD toddler that lives in my head: Give me five good reasons why we should work on the work in progress

Me: 1. We get positive feedback when we update this story, which really benefits our mental health, self esteem, and motivation to write other things

2. We ended the WIP on a cliffhanger last time we updated it and it needs to be resolved

3. There is no reason not to work on the WIP

4. Autism- *points at the Autistic hermit sitting next to me*

Autistic hermit: *waves while reading a Sanders Sides transcript, a book about dolphins, and an article about clementines*

Me: - needs a routine to function, and this is a big part of that

And 5. We are fortunate enough to have parents willing to support us so that we can make writing our full time career. If we don't actually write, those two- *points at Anxiety and Depression*

Anxiety: *pacing around with a list of problems to resolve in our projects and muttering about our lack of productivity lately even though we've been productive just in other ways*

Depression: *sleeping and not bothering us because we have enough dopamine from earlier mentioned comments and interactions on Tumblr to keep them at bay for the most part*

Me: - will make life harder for us by making me feel bad for wasting that support.

ADHD Toddler: 1. Yes, that's true, but if we keep writing the WIP I'll get sick of it and want nothing to do with it anymore

Me: But we're almost done, we only have a few chapters left.

ADHD Toddler: 2. We updated that, like, two days ago? Three days? Idk how time works. Days have just felt like weeks lately for some reason so it just feels like a long time when it isn't. They can wait. Also- *gets distracted by a squirrel*

Me: Are you done?

ADHD Toddler: Huh? Oh, right...

Me: ...

ADHD Toddler: ...

Me: Well?

ADHD Toddler: What was I saying?

Me: You said people can wait for a cliffhanger, then had another point.

ADHD Toddler: Oh, right. So, these people watch Sanders Sides, right? They're used to waiting like six months or lately more than a year for the next important chapter.

Autistic Hermit: Huh...

ADHD Toddler: 3. I gave you a reason when addressing your first point, we'll get sick of it if we don't work on other things too.

Autistic Hermit: They're... Actually using really good logic...

Me: I know, it's terrifying

ADHD Toddler: 4. Routine smoutine. I'd rather have poutine.

Autistic Hermit: There it is

Me: Yep...

ADHD Toddler: And, finally... *gets distracted by a lightbulb*

Anxiety: Whelp that's it we've spent an entire hour doing absolutely nothing, we're clearly not getting any work done tonight

Me: *sighs* ADHD, if I let you say your last point, will you let me work?

ADHD Toddler: Huh? What last point?

Me: Never mind. We're going to write a really cool story now, okay?

ADHD Toddler: Okay!

Me: *gets my IPad*

ADHD Toddler: This was fun, you should post it on Tumblr.

Me: Oh yeah sure!

ADHD Toddler: Oh, right! I remembered! 5. I don't see why you think you've wasted their support by not writing all the time. Last year you wrote, edited, designed a cover for, and self published a novel of your own in one year. While doing that, you also balanced friendships, worked on your mental health, wrote like, what, three full fan novels and are about to finish another one? Not to mention all the unfinished fan fics you have that made people happy, and all the role plays which might as well be novels. Just because you're not making money yet, and you're not writing every day, doesn't mean you're wasting the support you were given.

Me: ...

Autistic Hermit: Who the hell have you been talking to? Where has all this logic come from?

ADHD Toddler: We're hyper fixated on Sanders Sides

Autistic Hermit: Fair enough

ADHD Toddler: *gasps* What if we like, made our own you tube series but like, instead of aspects of the personality like Sanders Sides it's our different disabilities?

Autistic Hermit: You thought about that before

Anxiety: We don't have the same resources Thomas Sanders has to make it professional

Autistic Hermit: Like a *shudders* team of people to work with

Anxiety: *also shudders* Or space of our own to film in

Depression: *murmurs* Or the motivation to keep dedicated to that for long...

Autistic Hermit: Or the cameras, lighting, sound equipment, video editing skills, ability to make a polished costume,

Anxiety: we can't mask Autism's traits long enough to get a good recording

Depression: *murmurs* And we don't fit conventional beauty standards enough to do well in a video based algorithm...

ADHD Toddler: I guess we'll just have to find another way to make a series that gets us a fandom one day... You know, since the book we wrote didn't get immediate results so now I'm being petty.

Autistic Hermit: Our book series is a long term project. It will get more recognition as we continue to publish the series.

Anxiety: It would get more recognition if we made more adds

ADHD Toddler: But why make Tik Toks no one interacts with but two hundred people see when we could make Tumblr posts that no one sees but two people interact a lot with?

Me: *sighs* This is getting us no where

Anxiety: Stop typing on Tumblr and get to work or we might lose our ability to work forever

Autistic Hermit: But that doesn't make sense. We've gone a long time without writing before

Depression: *murmurs* We did get a lot worse at writing after that though...

Me: I think that's more because ADHD got worse during that time so writing became harder

ADHD Toddler: Yeah

Anxiety: *scoffs* At least they admit it

Me: Anywho, I'm tagging this now, clicking post, and then we will work on our WIP. My apologies mutuals for the long post.

[vizthedatum]

Journaling - Aug 6, 2023

Today, I woke up feeling extremely exhausted and out of it, but I had help and was motivated to get up. 

I had initially planned to have two friend outings, time to study for interviews, time to rest, time to clean, and time to watch Good Omens season 2.

To be honest - I ended up just making it to one friend outing and used most of my spoons (read here about spoon theory for chronic pain and mental health conditions) for that. And now I’m home… just on my computer trying to chill and reflect on my day. I’m too tired to do anything else. And my bladder feels weird but I have a bladder treatment tomorrow so yay - just in time.

This whole past week was really hard - my work life has been brutal because I’ve had to meticulously manage my time and my tasks… and I feel like I almost lost my ex-friend earlier this week, and I love her so dearly. And obviously, I’m still grieving my abusive ex-relationships with my mom and ex-spouse. It’s not easy. I even had somewhat of a meltdown with the person I’m dating, and I was really self-conscious about it. Even though I had some really valid reasons and even though we were able to talk it out. It feels better now.

It’s not easy to come to terms with your neurodivergence, autism, and unmasking. Unmasking means that… you rely on instinct rather than whatever behavior you think will get you accepted by your peers in whatever situation you’re in. Am I going to have a meltdown in the grocery store because of sensory overstimulation? Yeah, I probably am - it actually might be easier to do so instead of holding it all in until I’m in the car and risking another autoimmune flare, migraine, or MULTIPLE meltdowns later in private.

Anyway! Today! I wore my AWTYSM shirt that I got from Courtney Ahn, I went out to eat with a really loved friend, and we went shopping. I need more professional wear that’s more *me* and more versatile with the #femboy #nonbinary look I want. I’m hoping to donate my older clothes and recreate a wardrobe that is as gender-fluid and feminine (but boyish) in a way that honors me. I don’t think delicate colors, such as lilac, or skirts are gender-specific. I do want to chest-bind - and I’m trying to pick pieces that can work well with that (very hard to do when you naturally have big breasts, want a baby one day and breastfeed, and then want to cut it all off). I also had to think, “What pieces would look good professionally and still be as gender-fluid and culturally authentic for me??” Anyway, I’m going to try to post outfit-of-the-days to hopefully figure that out.

[baladric]

hey sorry if this totally out of line but I think you've talked on here about being both adhd & autistic? do you happen to have any resources or recommendations of people to follow or sth etc about that? I'm increasingly thinking that that's me and a lot of the stuff I'm finding is only about one or the other and i dont quite relate to it or else it's flat out ableist bullshit -- id really just like to be able to see more from people who are kinda similar ish

omggg, hello, friend!!!!!

i personally don't have any resources except my psychiatrist, who corroborated my hunches from the jump and periodically has things to say about the absolutely bonkers overlap b/t adhd, the autism spectrum, and (a much less discussed thing) ocd. it's all neurodivergence, which means the paths our brains tread sometimes share patterns (esp sensory issues b/t adhd & autism, and a desperate need for set routines b/t autism & ocd, etc) and comorbid a whole lot more than we really discuss. my suspicion is there just hadn't been enough serious research (unbiased double-blinds and such) into neurodivergence as whole, and so it's not quite understood how exactly they all overlap, and where the borders are between them (and even if there really are borders)

the few sort of. idk, things that helped me recognize myself were videos my best friend sent me on tiktok, and i famously loathe tiktok and am not on there but if you find the right ones they're actually super super helpful. largely bc it's real people relating their lived experiences, and also bc sometimes it's like people on the forefront of neuropsychology or presently in school for it, talking about stuff.

i will say, if it helps at all, that my path has been an extremely wonky one that i think has a whole lot to do with alexithymia (inability to name your emotions) where i never identified with the really simplistic language of autistic and adhd symptoms, bc like. for example, i had never thought hard enough about how loud sudden sounds effect me to realize that yes, it is the experience of physical pain that's described as part of neurodivergent sensory issues—a phraseology that i really did not identify with the first hundred times i read about it, because i just don't think abt myself in simple concepts like pain. and on and on like that.

i haven't sought formal diagnosis for a few reasons, but imo "diagnosis" is a weird bar to set. i know several deeply ND people who tested negative for adhd, and one negative for autism, and like man, i personally escaped any concern from teachers or family for my entire life, despite the lens of hindsight i have now that so so loudly says that was an autistic adhd child in egregious amounts of daily distress—because i speak well (one teacher called me "silver-tongued" in a disciplinary meeting in college, which was like Damn Okay, You Beethoven-Lookin Walnut) so it's all extremely weird and hazy!

bc i'm bad at compiling resources myself, my (deeply virgo) best friend has a few suggestions!

blog post of resources for autism, ADHD, and AuDHD (this is GOLD)

generally searching "AuDHD" on tiktok turns up some good first-hand/lived experience resources (lots of talk about stimming that we don't necessarily recognize as stimming, which helped me SO much bc oh shit i am actually constantly stimming huh????)

a few folks on twitter: Structured Success (whose handle is StructuredSucc which is just.... so incredible that i have to lie down now.......), AutisticCallum_, and AutisticCoach_

i'm sure there's ppl on tumblr talking about audhd too, so if any of my followers have those, pls comment and i'll add them in!!! (and follow them myself ;akdfjalwdj)

i hope this was helpful at all, and if you have any questions or anything i'm very open to talking about this!! honestly i would love for more of us to learn this shit abt ourselves earlier in life than i did, bc my lack of understanding of how my brain works instilled so, so much shame in me. this was ofc because of the rhetoric teachers & family members threw at me while i was growing up (didn't do homework despite being "gifted"? Laziness. never cleaned room? Slob/Lazy. very subtle tantrums from overstim that i repressed so hard they looked like sullenness from the outside? Ungrateful or Rude. couldn't ever make friends? Shy, Awkward, Boring, Weird, Cold, Unfriendly, Unaccomodating.) and, you know. the shit ppl say in your formative years has a tendency to stick lmfaoooo so i'm still rooting that poison out, you know? so please, please ask me—and i'll say, much like transness, if you're wondering about this? probably the answer is yes, and that's honestly a wonderful fucking thing, 100% fully believe that. understanding myself in this way has saved my life, bc i know myself now and can now hold grace for myself and advocate for my needs.

this is SO long i'm sorry anyway hey anon if you got through this monster of a post, i LOVE you, you're doing so so good and i am handing you and orange and one of the very happy zinnias from my front yard <3 <3 <3