#also the way he is so broken up about the missed opportunity that was julian and garak

[germanbread]

People will be like 'DS9 felt different from the other Star Trek shows because it wasn't set on a spaceship and had themes of war and conflict and overarching storylines' when actually its defining feature is that it was run by a man with a blue beard

[funkzpiel]

I'll raise you: Everything in the Djinn episode happens the way it did, but even though Jaskier still has his voice he never uses it to sing again...

“You don’t sing anymore.”

Jaskier looked at him from across the fire, the flames casting his face into a maelstrom of flickering colors, distracting from the surprise written plainly there. The bard had paused with his flask halfway up to his lips, stock still like a deer in the woods awaiting the pack that’s come to chase it down.

And Geralt certainly intended to do just that. He couldn’t handle the silence anymore - constant and insufferable. No. That wasn’t not quite right. It wasn’t silent. Jaskier still babbled like he wanted to use every word he could before the grave, but he didn’t sing anymore, and Geralt had never realized how much of Jaskier’s very being was song. Their travels turned into quiet, meandering conversations that the witcher didn’t know how to navigate. It required opinions, words - none of which he had.

Jaskier’s singing had served as a bridge in their companionship. Something to keep Jaskier’s mouth busy, an outlet for the bard’s energy - and while Geralt would never admit it, it had been a pleasant way to pass the time. Even now, he didn’t know why he had ever wished it away… Perhaps because he had been unused to it.

And change was a frightening thing.

“Thought you didn’t like my flavor of pie?” Jaskier asked pointedly before taking a swig. The liquor makes his voice rough. Geralt didn’t quite know why that incited a protective flare in him; a desire to spare the bard’s voice lest it break and weaken. Never the same.

He grunted because aye, he had said that. He knew that well enough. Dreamed of it. Just one more stone picked away from the mountainside, one more trigger to the rockslide of tragedy that was his constant companion in life. He rubbed at his face and searched for the words. Even after days of having decided that this conversation needed to happen, he found the message elusive. Jaskier plucked narratives and flowery diction from the air as easily as Geralt could find flies on Roach’s ass - it felt oddly unfair to feel so inadequate by comparison when it counted most.

Perhaps it was a muscle… Muscles required practice… He would have to think on that later.

“Why did you stop?” Geralt asked.

“Because you wished for me to,” Jaskier murmured, a touch sour beneath his usual bardly enthusiasm, the edge of his voice made sharp by the booze and by the hurt Geralt had been too slow to realize had burrowed into the man’s skin like puss in a wound. Infected and aching, unable to heal.

“I also wished to sleep,” Geralt mumbled defensively, “I’m not exactly a good problem solver.”

“But that’s exactly what you are though, Geralt!” Jaskier said, hands exploding out, “What do you mean? People literally hire you to solve their problems!”

“Their problems,” Geralt said, “Not mine.”

That quieted the bard, the merry crackle of the fire rising to soothe them both in the silence. Out of the corner of his eye, Geralt saw Jaskier work his jaw. He felt a little pang of pleasure to have rendered the man speechless - albeit not exactly under admirable circumstances.

“And what was your problem, Geralt?” Jaskier finally asked, hushed and somber - and more and more, Geralt came to recognize this man as Julian. The man behind Jaskier. The human, not the entertainer. “Is my company truly so burdensome? Why did you allow me to tag along then? You could’ve run Roach at any time, I wouldn’t exactly have been able to keep up on foot before I got Daisy.”

Geralt blew out a breath. This was uncomfortable. Incredibly so. The words he needed felt so far away - fine and hard to hold, like sand slipping through his fingers. The more he struggled to gather them, the more time passed. Finally, Julian snorted - his mask as an easy-going entertainer enclosing around him again - and Geralt knew his window was closing. A window that may not open again.

He knew firsthand the weight of a good mask, afterall. How hard it was to remove it. How dreadful, to reveal one’s face. Let alone to have that trust go to waste. He knew. It just took the witcher far too long to realize he himself had been wearing one as well.

“The Path is lonely. I can count on less than the fingers of one hand how many people would be willing to travel with a witcher. Less so, to happily agree to it. I allowed it, because you… truly appeared to want to travel with me.”

Julian’s gaze was piercing, expressionless and guarded, yet strangely patient across the flicker of the fire. 

“And my singing?”

The witcher’s gaze darted meekly to the fire even as it hurt his eyes to stare. It felt like penance.

“I… I didn’t wish for you to stop singing. I wished for peace. I used to think peace was what I had before. Before you… I just didn’t know that what I had then hadn’t gone by ‘peace’ at all. It was loneliness, and I was merely too used to it to know better.”

His eyes darted up to Julian’s. Caught hold of those cornflower blue eyes and held them in case this was the last time. There was something subtle behind the man’s gaze. Something surprised; as though Geralt was a road he had traveled many times, a path he thought by heart, and yet had found something new.

But the bard didn’t speak, didn’t move, so Geralt continued.

“And I think, well… Few ever agree to travel with a witcher. Even less stay. I thought perhaps… if it were on my terms… it wouldn’t hurt so badly… That if I could just go back to that sense of ‘peace’, I wouldn’t ever have to miss you,” he sucked in a breath, hitched and broken, and admitted softly, “And yet I’ve missed you ever since.”

Julian watched him for a long time. Geralt awaited his response. Expected his meager words to be blown away by the bard’s counter. Instead Jaskier simply stood, and Geralt looked away, his stomach cold as it sank inside him. The bard was leaving. It was finally done. There was nothing left to fix. He had shattered it all, doing what witchers did best: destroy.

He startled when he found two boots come to stand in front of him instead.

“You’re right,” the bard said, astonished, “You are a terrible problem solver. How you’ve maintained such a successful career in the art of it is quite frankly astonishing to me now.”

Geralt looked up, eyes wide, to find Julian still staring down at him. Smiling - the hurt not gone, but not so piercing anymore. Like light coming in through cracked stained glass, filtering not as planned, yet ever more beautiful because of it.

“You’re right. I can’t promise I won’t be gone one day. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned about love, it’s that you can’t have it without pain… I’m mortal. There’s a bit of a looming expiration date on our relationship. One of these days, I’m going to be too old to follow you. Or I’ll be called away for a gig. Or to teach. Or maybe I’ll die, like men do… But I’m not going to just disappear without reason if you don’t make me. We’ll make plans. We’ve got decades to figure it out. Gods above, I can’t even begin to form the words to tell you how utterly mad it is to drive someone away because you’re afraid that they’ll leave. That’s a self-foreseeing prophecy, my dear witcher, and here I thought you hated Fate and any word associated with it.”

Julian smiled. Brought a hand down to brush a white lock back from Geralt’s stunned eyes and tuck it behind his ear. 

“What would you like for me to sing?” He asked.

“Anything,” Geralt whispered.

“Alright,” The bard smiled, taking the spot beside him to curl himself into Geralt’s every crevice. As though he were a being made of water rather than man, made to fill any container, if only one offered him the opportunity to do so. Waiting for it, Geralt realized.

Waiting to come home.

“I’ll sing,” Julian said, leaning into him, “But only because you asked nicely.”

After that, their days were filled with songs; melodious and carrying.

[himbowelsh]

your fics are amazing ❤️ can i have anything about baberoe but julian also appears in the fic🤣? thank you so much ❤️

This is probably way more than you wanted, doll, but here you go!!

It’s been a long time since Gene picked up a late shift at Smokey’s Bar. Longer than he’s proud of, really. Medical school don’t pay for itself, even on a scholarship, and it’s a stretch to think that changes on an intern’s salary. Just because his daily routine is filled with a lot more triages and tracheotomies now doesn’t mean he’s forgotten where he came from. 

Hell, Gene spent two years in this cozy backstreet establishment, serving drinks well into the midnight hours with his textbooks stashed just below the counter. The job at Smokey’s was the only reason he could afford an apartment at the time; without it, he might not‘ve even had a shirt on his back. The regular crowd was always great, the bar’s owner was a true gentilhomme, and there was no hard feelings when Gene left to start his internship. Smokey accepted it with grace, and everybody wished him well.

Of course, if he’d known he’d be back just a few months later, he’d have protested the going away party.

“You’re a real lifesaver,” Smokey declares as Gene steps back behind the familiar counter. “Skinny’s out tonight — something about helping his Granny with her pet cat, which I’d be glad to believe, if I didn’t know for a fact his Granny lives across the country — and we called Blithe about ten times, but no answer there.”

“It’s no problem.” Gene offers his old boss a thin-lipped smile, running hands hands lightly over the oiled bar top. It’s been a while; best to get the feel of the place before the night rush arrives.

“It is, though, Gene. Big favor you’re doing me. If you ever need anything —“

“Don’t worry about it.” Maybe in two years he and Smokey got past the point of “boss and employee”. Gene wouldn't call them friends, but they’re close enough. Helping out a friend is just what you do, and you don’t complain about it. “I’m happy to be here. Missed these old walls more than I realized.”

Smokey barks out a laugh. “Yeah! See it every night, and you get tired real fast.” The bar door rattles open without warning, ushering a familiar crew — half a dozen guys, all with the same swagger and grins on their faces. “Same old ugly mugs each night, too!” Smokey exclaims, brightening like the sun’s come out at midnight. “Not sure why we let you guys in at this point!”

“You’d go broke without us, Smoke!” Bill Guarnere’s voice is loud as ever, and as rowdy as Gene remembers it. “You know we pay half the bills ‘round here.”

“Lose us and you lose your nightlife too,” Floyd Talbert adds with a grin, already stripping off his heavy jacket. 

The atmosphere is familiar; every corner is known, and fondly remembered. Across the room, a 90s rock beat pulses from a pseudo-modern jukebox, all but rattling that side of the building. Smokey’s has got a dance floor, a pool table, a dartboard... everything a person could need for a rowdy night out. “Except the dancers,” Smokey said once. “We tried to put in these nice cages, but seems like you need permits and all that. Why waste the money when Luz gets up on the tables after a few drinks for free?”

It’s a respectable place, and a cozy one. The city will never feel like home — home to Gene is warm air, thick as honey against your skin, the symphony of the bayou floating around you like zydeco in the night air — but Smokey’s is close. The closest Gene feels anywhere in the city, and he’ll take what he can get.

Gene settles back behind the bar, and falls into the familiar dance; he still remembers all the steps, and hasn’t lost his touch yet. Smokey’s isn’t a cocktail place; Gene’s job is generally restricted to serving up beer and chips, with the occasional harder drink coming in. He can toss together a good whiskey sour, and his Dark and Stormy’s are excellent, so he’s been told. It shouldn’t be this easy to pick up the old rhythm again; his days since leaving Smokey’s have been filled with nonstop work. The nights he isn’t on shift, he spends studying, memorizing so many conditions and treatments that there shouldn’t be room for anything else. The brain works in mysterious ways, though. This old job carved grooves into his memory, and he slides back into them now without even having to try.

George Luz grins at him, loudly proclaiming how good it is to have Gene back. “Place just wasn’t the same without you, Doc,” he declares, and a round of cheers from Luz’s group echo their agreement. Muck and Malarkey team up on him, pestering him about how work at the hospital is going. Gene suspects they’re only in it to hear the stories every doctor acquired over time. He humors them with one about a man who’s ent swimming in the buff, ending up with a fish stuck where no fish should ever be. Offhandedly, he tacks on a mention about the frequent cases of alcohol poisoning they get in the ER. Plenty of gory detail to go into there. From the grimaces on the duo’s face, and the way Muck eyes his third beer of the night warily, they definitely get the message.

A ruckus near the dance floor rings out, distracting Gene from mixing a whiskey-and-lime. His hands fumble with the bottle; it nearly slips from his grip, but he catches it without looking. The commotion is much more interesting. some spaghetti-limbed kid, all deer-in-the-headlights, is squared off against Roy Cobb, who’s already had one drink too many. Flushed and surly-eyed, Cobb steps up into the kid’s face, rearing up like a pissed off moode.

“You think I can’t hear you? What, you think no one in here hears you running your mouth?”

“Christ, buddy, I didn’t say a word about you!” the kid replies, stumbling back a clumsy step. “Why don’t you siddown, huh?”

“Don’t need to sit down, don’t need you to tell me —“

Now, Smokey’s isn’t the sort of place where fights break out as a rule; sometimes men get a bit riled up, but it rarely turns ugly. When it does, they’ve got Bull on hand to break up any fight before it can start, and probably break some costly furniture in the process… but it’s Bull’s night off. By now, the rest of the bar’s taken notice of the fight. Tension thrums through the room like a live wire, sparking off and just itching to catch on something. Everyone’s watching them, and no one’s looking towards the other side of the room. Gene does, and he spots the kindling.

Bill Guarnere, fists clenched and face red, is slicing straight through the crowd. At his heels is another kid, gangly, with a mop of messy ginger hair; he looks twice as pissed off as Bill, but doesn’t wear it quite as threateningly.

Gene moves forward without a sound, setting his drink on the table. In a few seconds, the situation’s gonna get three times worse. Better snuff it out before they get the chance.

“Cobb.”

Gene’s the quiet sort by nature — but when he wants to, his voice can ring through a room, cutting over shouts and curses as clear as a roll of thunder. Before he spoke, he might as well’ve not even been in the room. Suddenly, every eye’s on him, and Smokey’s is silent. He braces himself against the bar, red-hot gaze trained on the troublemaker. “Come here.” One hand gestures Cobb over; it’s not a suggestion. “Free drink for your trouble. Sit down, we’ll talk.”

“Don’t need to talk,” Cobb replies, voice dropping low and rough. The kid takes the opportunity to remove himself from the situation, scurrying back to his friends’ side. Bill Guarnere claps him on the shoulder, and sends a glance towards Gene; his nod, short and grateful, is all it takes to finish the threat off. Reluctantly, with the tension broken, Cobb trudges towards the bar and accepts the beer Gene slides towards him.

“Now,” Gene says, strictly business. “What’s goin’ on with you? You tell me, I’m here to listen.”

Offering an ear to a drunk’s sorrows is always a shot in the dark. God forbid Cobb disappointed. Gene ends up spending the next forty minutes listening to Roy Cobb’s woes about his job, his girl, and everything in between — until his last drink’s done, and he’s vented enough that he no longer seems ready to snap. Gene calls the taxi for him, and sees him out.

It all goes smoothly after that. Not an interesting shift; for his first time back, and probably his last time, Gene’s a little let down. At least on his last night there was cake. Tonight, all he gets it a thank-you text from Smokey, complete with copious emojis, and a few “see ya, Gene!” and “thanks a lot, Gene!”s at last call. Once all the patrons have cleared out and the bar’s gone dark, Gene lingers in the doorway for just a minute before locking up. Just one more minute… and then he’ll say goodbye to the old place. For good, this time.

“Aw christ, Julian, my goddamn shoes!”

A shrill voice echoing from around the corner… kind of kills the moment.

Uncertain, Gene lets the door fall shut, and hastily turns his key in the lock. Something about that voice is familiar, but he can’t put a finger on it. There’s no one else in sight, not even any stragglers from closing time… but as he tucks his key in his pocket and rounds the corner, the source of the disturbance makes itself painfully clear.

Some idiot is sticking ass-first outta the dumpster.

“No!” The idiot’s friend exclaims, bouncing on his heels as he tries to grab hold of a thrashing, sneaker-capped leg. “Get out of the — get out — this ain’t my job! Do I look like your mother to you?”

“Ain't my kink, babe,” echoes a voice from within. One second later, and the set of legs vanished completely; the dumpster consumes its victim, leaving nothing behind but a loud rustling, and the clank of limbs against metal.

I don’t want to know, Gene acknowledges, weighing the situation like a detective at a crime scene. I don’t need to know. It’s late. I’m tired. I’ve got a shift in twelve hours.

“Everything alright here?” he blurts out, before god-given common sense can talk him out of it.

The friend turns on his heels, with a soft grunt of surprise. Immediately, Gene realizes why he sounded so familiar — the head of messy red hair is familiar, as are the lanky limbs and the telltale freckled Irish skin. Bill Guarnere’s buddy, in the flesh.

Since it’s definitely not Bill in the dumpster, Gene’s got a good clue who it is.

“Your buddy’s recovered well,” he observes, crossing his arms, “from the mess earlier.”

“Huh? Yeah! He, uhh — shit, he sure has. We don’t make a hobby outta this, you know.” The kid goes to run a tired hand over his face, then seems to think better of it. There’s a puddle of liquid near his feet, with the telltale sheen of half-digested liquor. His eyes are haggard, mouth twisted up like he’s not sure whether to laugh or scream. Maybe it wasn’t an awful night for Gene, but someone’s clearly taking the brunt of it.

“I hope not,” he observes, cocking his head slightly at another thud from inside the dumpster. “Strange sorta hobby.”

“It’s just that Julian — well, he’s an asshole, right, and he ain’t used to drinking like the rest of us — lightweight. You know how it is. He don’t have any rights.” As if to emphasize the point, the kid aims a kick at the side of the dumpster. From within, Julian yelps. “We try not to give ‘im too much, but he was real rattled from the whole thing, so we thought —“

“I remember.” Gene distinctly recalls Bill Guarnere’s unusual order, and the effort it took for him to remain stone-faced through it. “Vodka schnapps.”

“Yeah. A fuck-load of ‘em.” The kid offers up a smile, crooked and half-desperate. Whatever the hell his heart does in the moment, Gene isn’t prepared; it feels like a mini heart attack. To cover up, he hastily turns his gaze back on the dumpster again, making out like he’s more concerned than he really is. “I was gettin’ ready to call an Uber, but my phone — if some jackass hadn’t tried snatching it outta my hands, and then not let go ‘til it went flying —“

“Blamin’ me? Babe! Butterfingers!”

“Shut up, you!” Butterfingers Babe aims another kick at the dumpster’s side. This time, Julian shouts . His friend doesn’t seem a bit concerned. “Just find the damn thing!”

“You got an iPhone 6! ‘S right where it belongs!”

“You wanna buy me a new one?”

Julian has to pause, like he’s genuinely considering it. Butterfingers Babe taps his foot. Eugene crosses his arms and waits.

“Like hell,” Julian finally declares, and a new round of thunks echo from within the garbage can.

“Okay,” says Gene. That’s all it takes to get Butterfingers’s attention back on him, like for a moment he’d genuinely forgotten Gene was there. As soon as their eyes lock, though, the kid flashes him a smile like Gene’s never seen before — downright fluorescent, definitely lit up by liquor, but something more, too. Gene’s never smiled like that at a stranger; hell, he’s never smiled like that in his life, and definitely never had one sent his way.

It takes a minute for his thoughts to snap back on track again, still wavering dangerously, like the kid’s grin has shot the wheels right out from under him. “Okay,” he says again, clearing his throat. “Uhh, if you want, I can just call you a ride.”

“Nah, that ain’t your job. Thanks, but you don’t gotta —“

“I don’t mind.” Gene shrugs, tucking his hands in the pockets of his jeans to hide them from the biting cold. “Don’t actually work here anyways, so…”

Butterfingers Babe’s brows furrow. Slowly, he tilts his head.

“You mean, you… just walked in and started pouring drinks, then?”

It takes an inhuman amount of effort for Gene to hide a smirk. “Yeah. Call it a hobby.”

“You can do that? Holy shit.” The kid stamps his foot on the ground, turning to the trash can as if genuinely forgetting that his buddy can’t react back at him. “Did you hear that? Julian! We could take over a bar for real!”

“Always been your fantasy, babe, not m— ahh , god dammit, there’s a rat!”

As the eight circle of hell echoes from inside the dumpster, Butterfingers turns his wide grin back on Gene. “So, how do you even — like…” As his words trail off, his smile calcifies at the corners, before crumbling away. “Hey, you’re yanking my chain, arentcha?”

Now Gene really can’t help it — he smiles, quick and unashamed. “Sorry.”

“You really got my hopes up.” He doesn’t look too upset, though, even as he drags a hand through his struggle hair and shakes his head. “Damn. New plan, Jules.”

“Call,” shrieks Julian, “the police! The army! Satan!”

“Must be the name of the rat,” Gene observes sagely.

Butterfingers crosses both arms over his chest, and takes a step back, bracing against his heel. Gene mirrors the casual posture. The both watch for a few moments, enjoying the show, as Julian apparently wrestles with one of Philadelphia’s notorious cannibal street rats and emerges victorious from the fray. At last, he breaks into fresh air, exploding from between bags of garbage like the parasite in Alien . His black hair is a scruffy mess, there are scratches on his cheeks that he’ll definitely need some shots for, and when he thrusts his arm into the air, a banana peel dangles from it.

“I found it! I found your goddamn phone!”

“Amazing,” Butterfingers drawls. “Now can we get outta here before my nose freezes off my freakin’ face? All the booze in the world can’t make tonight warm.”

Julian makes a noncommittal noise, and suddenly vanishes back into the garbage bag abyss again, like someone’s grabbed his leg and pulled.

“For chrissakes , Julian!”

“He always like this?” Gene can’t help but ask. “I mean… has he done similar stuff, in the time you’ve been…” Butterfingers stares blankly at him. Gene gestures vaguely, as if that stands a chance of making his meaning any clearer. “I mean. Not to be rude.”

“You ain’t being rude. He’s an idiot.”

“Yeah, but…” Gene clears his throat, intensely uncomfortable. “Did he do this on your first date, too?”

“Dating?” The word escapes the kid’s mouth in a squawk loud enough to wake the entire neighborhood. Gene jumps, and scrambled to regain his composure; in that time, Butterfingers has already doubled over, wheezing. “Jesus, Julian, didja know we’re on a date?”

“No kidding,” Julian calls from inside the dumpster. “Y’gotts tell me these things, Babe.”

With two drunken strangers laughing in his face at three in the morning — one of them hanging out of a dumpster — Gene suddenly feels like the fool. To be fair, what else is he supposed to think — hearing Babe, Babe, over and over again?

“My name’s Babe,” the Babe in question clarifies. “I mean — it’s really Edward, but everyone calls me Babe, even my ma, though she says —“

“No one cares,” says Julian. “Now goddamn help me, huh? The rat’s comin’ back.”

Suddenly, ending this encounter as soon as possible— and saving whatever dignity he has left — is more tempting than a twelve-hour nap. Gene gestures towards the struggling Julian with renewed eagerness. “We should probably —“

“Yeah, we really should!” agrees Babe, spinning back around again. Only then does Gene feel comfortable getting closer. Somehow, with lots of trial and error, they each manage to seize hold of one of Julian’s gangly arms. With a great tug, they haul him out. He ends up sprawled on the pavement, a lot worse for wear, but with an iPhone in his hand.

“Ha ha,” he declares, and, victorious, flops backwards onto the filthy ground. “Ha ha ha, ha. I did it.”

“Sure did, buddy,” Babe agrees, snatching the phone out of his hand. His nose crinkles as soon as he’s holding it; too quickly, he tosses it back down onto Julian’s chest, wiping his hand off on the rear of his jeans. The alleyway isn’t that well-lit, but when he looks back up, Gene catches a spark of hope in his eyes.

“Hey, y’know, I don’t mean to ask —“

Gene’s already ordering the Uber. “It’s no problem.”

Grateful, Babe gives him his address, and tucks his thumbs in his pockets as Gene sends the order through. When Gene holds up the phone for his inspection, he huffs in relief. “Twelve dollars, huh? I’ll pay you back.” He goes pawing through his pants, urgency increasing when both pockets turn up empty. “Shit, I mean — when I come back again, some other night, I’ll —“

“I won’t be here.” In spite of himself, Gene feels a stab of regret. “Actually don’t work here, I was just filling in tonight. As a favor to Smokey.”

Babe huffs a laugh, and it inflates Gene’s chest, warming him in spite of the bitter January chill. “That’s real great of you.” Babe runs a hand through his hair again, almost awkward, though the way he bounces on his heels dulls any tension between them. “I mean, I still feel bad —“

“Uber’s coming in two minutes,” Gene observes.

“Right! Umm, umm, ya know what —“ Babe snaps his fingers, then suddenly lunges forward, gesturing towards the phone in Gene’s hand. “My number! Is that okay? I could give you, and then, we could just —“

“Sure,” Gene says, in the same second as Babe blurts out, “Yeah?” They blink at each other for a second before Gene echoes, “Yeah,” and Babe exclaims “Sorry”, still at the same time.

As Babe claps a hand over his mouth, he can’t seem to help snorting. “Jesus Christ, I’m a lot better at this when I’m less sober — swear to you, just gimme the chance to prove it. My number, it’s 215—“

Gene’s quick fingers tap the number into his contacts, despite the chill gradually creeping its way into each digit. He titles the contact “Edward”... and then, after a second thought, adds “Babe” in parentheses. Just to keep from mixing him up with Cousin Edward from Lafayette. 

A sleek grey car sidles up to the curb. Gene checks the license plate and nods towards it. 

“That’s your ride,” he says, and the weight of parting presses down against his chest until his ribs creak beneath it. “See you… around then, Edward.”

“Edward?” A squawk like that has no right to sound damn charming . “Aww, c’mon, what’d I just say —“

“Save ‘Babe’ for the second date,” Julian advises, still flat on the ground. His friend aims a precise kick to his ribs; grunting, Julian jolts upright, only to be hauled to his feet by Babe’s grip on the collar of his jacket. They lead each other forward, both stumbling over their own feet — though for Babe, that might be just the effort of leading his friend along. Or the vodka schnapps. Hard to be sure.

At the last moment, Babe looks up through the Uber’s brightly lit window and raises a hand to Gene. Gene waves back, half-smiling, until the car pulls away.

Left alone on a street corner at well past three in the morning, he sighs and tucks his phone back in his pocket. It’s an ungodly hour; he’s got work tomorrow; his schedule can barely accommodate his body’s inconvenient need for sleep, let alone falling in love.

But maybe, just maybe, Gene can fit in a few extra shifts at Smokey’s sometime soon.

[geeky-diary]

Of Stripes and Feathers: Chapter 1

Summary: On the worst day of his life, Nathaniel Kurtzberg was offered a deal from the devil. Take the peacock miraculous and become Hawkmoth’s new partner in his takeover of Paris. A deal he accepted. Chloe Bourgeois stumbled upon the bee miraculous. Wanting all the admiration that Paris gives Ladybug, she decided to take it and join the fight against Hawkmoth. From then on both their lives become intertwined, for better or for worse.

P.S. Author’s note at the bottom!

Chapter 1: Origins                            ________________________________________

The window had been closed for a few minutes. There was no light to fill the room, only the pale glow of the akumas that fluttered around. Hawkmoth stood in the darkness, deep in silent contemplation. He was overcome with the feeling of frustration and failure. A single question continually bounced in his brain. How could he keep losing to Paris’ defenders? All of his warriors, no matter how powerful, they were always defeated by the righteous Ladybug and her mangy cat, Chat Noir. It was a constant vexation in his life. He needed to step up his game, think up a new strategy to defeat his teenage rivals. But what?

Maybe… he needed a partner.

“Nooroo, dark wings fall,” Hawkmoth whispered. Instantly, he had de-transformed into his civilian identity and exited his lair. When Gabriel Agreste returned to his normal office, he turned and stared at the painting of his wife. How he wished to feel her soft skin underneath his fingertips, to be wrapped up in her arms as before. How he longed to see her gentle smile and gaze into her beautiful green eyes. How he yearned to be in the presence of her warm, kind-hearted personality once more. There was still so much more that he missed. Words could never truly describe how much he missed her. Everything he did, he did for his precious Emilie.

Tearing his eyes away from the likeness of his wife, he opened up the secret compartment hidden behind the painting. There weren’t many objects he had secluded, only those relating to that of his love or of his villainy. The item he was looking for was related to both his love and his villainy. It didn’t take long for him to find it, pulling out a broken violet brooch in the shape of a peacock’s feathers. However, it wasn’t just any ordinary brooch. It held powers just as his butterfly brooch did, but this one held the power of the peacock miraculous.

If he were going to have a partner, then they would need their own miraculous to be of any use to him. Though he was always hesitant about bringing someone else into his operation for one reason. Due to the peacock miraculous being damaged, when used for long periods of time, it would eventually lead to its user’s death. Which meant that he would have to choose his partner carefully.

The blonde man pondered who he could give the peacock miraculous too. The first person who came to mind was his assistant, Nathalie. She already knew his secret and his motives, plus she was extremely loyal to him. Yet, she was his most valuable ally, and in this war, he could risk losing her. Then his mind drifted to his son, Adrien. He quickly discarded the thought. The whole point of his quest for the miraculous was to reunite their broken home. To give the boy, the peacock miraculous would inevitably lead him down the same path his mother walked. And that was something that the man could bear to let happen, not again.

For the next master of the peacock miraculous, the person would have to be weak-willed, someone who could be easily manipulated to do his bidding. They also had to be invisible, inconsequential to society. That way, when they eventually die, no one would even notice that they were gone. Maybe he could choose someone who he had previously akumatized, but who? He only bothered to remember those who were significant people, whether to the people of Paris or to his future plans.

If only Gabriel hadn’t lost that other miraculous years ago, then this decision would be a lot easier. No, he couldn’t look back upon past mistakes.

Stuffing the peacock brooch into his suit jacket, he had come to the conclusion that he would need more time to pick someone than there were hours left in the day.

                                                       ***

Nathaniel Kurtzberg strolled to school that day in better moods than usual. He had a bounce in his steps and a smile brighter than the sun.

The moment he had woken up, he knew that it was going to be a good day. For today was the day he planned to confess his love to Marinette. After his time as the Evillustrator, he believed that he had gotten over his affection for the girl. But in truth, his heart wouldn’t let those feelings disappear. In fact, it only seemed that his fondness for the blue-haired girl had strengthened over time. This was also the day that he would get his admission letter from the Académie Julian* school. It was a private art school and the most prestigious in all of Paris, maybe even in all of France. Ever since he was young, he had dreamed of getting in and pursuing his passion for art even further. He could hardly wait to open the letter after school.

Indeed, this would be a good day for him!

                                                      ***

Chloe Bourgeois strutted onto the school grounds with her “friend,” Sabrina, following closely behind. An angry frown enveloped her face rather than her typical confident, smug smile. Tonight, there was going to be a giant party held at the hotel for her mother’s birthday. Initially, she had been ecstatic since that meant her mother would be coming home from New York. Her mother hadn’t been back in Paris for a long time, possibly years if she remembered correctly. So, of course, she would be excited. But this morning, her mother had canceled her flight and would apparently be staying in New York! She wouldn’t be coming home for her own party! After weeks of planning and inviting the most elite people in the fashion industry to come! Who does that!

To top it all off, her father had told her that it was too late to cancel the party and that she would have to attend. Not only attend, but she also had to be the hostess of the party since her father had already made other plans that evening. On her mother’s birthday! 

It’s ridiculous, utterly ridiculous! The girl screamed in her mind, her fingers digging into her scalp and ruining her hair. She took a deep breath and swiftly composed herself before the orange-haired girl could question her. She didn’t want the other girl to believe she wasn’t perfect.

She was Chloe Bourgeois, her life always had to be perfect. However, the morning had put her in the worst of moods that day.

As she entered the classroom and approached her desk, she had heard the Creole girl gush about the akuma attack from the day prior and how Ladybug had defeated it. While the blonde girl did enjoy listening to tales about the superheroine, she had to admit that she was somewhat jealous. She was always at the center of Paris’ attention, people showered her with their love and admiration.

I mean, of course, everyone loves me, she thought. But not as much as they love Ladybug.

The girl was getting too frustrated with herself, and her emotions were running wild. She needed a way to blow off steam, a more healthy way to make herself feel less angry. She needed to put somebody else down to make herself feel better.

Turning around in her seat, she examined who in class would make the best target. Not Sabrina, as she couldn’t risk losing her only serv- friend, her only friend. Not that Césaire girl, she would only start a fight on whatever she said, and she wasn’t looking to fight. Not her Adrikins, she couldn’t even come up with anything negative about him. Her usual target used to be Marinette Dupain-Cheng, but the girl had recently become immune to her tactics and tell her off. She had assumed it was due to hang out with Césaire, becoming more like a rival than a target. But now there wasn’t anyone good enough for her to drag down.

Then, as if reading her mind, Kurtzberg walked into the classroom. A small, shy smile graced his face as he gingerly stared at her rival. He hadn’t been as subtle as he thought since the blue-haired girl noticed and waved at him. He returned the gesture and continued towards his desk, a light shade of red dusted over his cheeks.

A cruel sneer stretched across her face, as a single word formed in her mind. Perfect.

                                                      ***

The school day was over, but Nathaniel hadn’t had the chance to talk to Marinette yet. She was always surrounded by other people, there was never an excellent opportunity for them to speak alone. And the only way he could possibly build up the nerve to confess to her was in private. He wasn’t the type of person who could pull off some big, romantic gesture, he didn’t have the courage for it. But Marinette didn’t seem like the type of girl who would like that sort of thing. Right?

He hadn’t lost hope, though. Earlier, he had overheard Marinette and Alya make plans to study in the library after school. He could simply walk over to wherever the girls were sitting and pull the blunette away for a few moments. Then he would tell her everything. All the emotions that rumbled inside of him whenever she was around. How much he cared for her. How he wanted to be more than friends with her. It should have been easy enough. It was his perfect opportunity. His only opportunity.

Every student in the class couldn’t have packed up their bags and left faster. However, he took his time, needing to wait until his crush had actually entered the library. Soon, it was just himself and Chloe, texting on her phone, left in the classroom. It was odd. Usually, she would be the first to leave the room, and she always had Sabrina at her beck and call. It seemed suspicious, but he could be bothered to care about her at the moment. Having waited long enough, he finally got out of his seat and walked towards the door. In one of the windows that lined against the left wall, he noticed that Marinette and Alya hadn’t gone to the library yet. They were parked right outside its entrance, talking to Nino and Adrien. He had hoped that they would have gone in already, but what was a few more minutes of waiting. It was only just the nervous vomit that crept up his throat. But he could do it. He reached the door, took a deep breath, and grabbed the handle.

“You really are this pathetic, aren’t you.” A high-pitched voice remarked. It wasn’t a question but a statement. He turned around to see the blonde put down her phone to look at him. He already knew it was her who had spoken, there was no one else in the room to even talk. She glared at him, a predator stalking the meek prey, and he now wished he had left the room with everyone else. Yet, even that probably wouldn’t have saved him. It seemed as if she had made him her target for the day.

“What?” Nathaniel questioned, hoping she would at least tell him why she decided to pick on him.

Giving an exasperated sigh, Chloe finally stood up from her desk and strolled over to one of the windows on the left wall. His eyes followed her movements, too scared to ignore her. She leaned against the window and glanced back at him, a smug smirk taking over her face.

“Last time, I just laughed at you. I mean, your little crush on Dupain-Cheng was just too sad. I thought you had gotten over it, but apparently, you haven’t. ”

His body stood still for a moment. His muscles tensed, his breathing stopped, his brain froze over, and his throat tightened over every word that came out of her mouth. He couldn’t ask them aloud, but questions started to fill his head. How did she know, and when had she figured it out? Why was she shoving it in his face?

He finally voiced at least one of the questions that swarmed his brain. “Why do you care?”

Her grin grew even wider, ecstatic that he had asked. Elated that he had fallen right into her trap.

“Because she’s going to reject you.” The blonde pleasantly hummed. “She has a crush on someone else.”

Before he could even speak, the girl tilted her head towards the direction of the library. She was trying to tell him something, but he didn’t know what. Letting his curiosity get the better of him, he trudged over to her spot and focused on where she had been indicating. There he saw a certain blue-haired girl trying to speak to Adrien, her face as red as a strawberry. The red-haired boy’s eye dilated, a deep frown forming on his face. He suddenly knew what the girl next to him meant, and he hated the implication.

“I know it’s so sick.” Chloe knew he had figured it out. “To think she even has a chance with my Adrikins is just laughable. But she isn’t doing any harm, she might even be making me look better in comparison. So, might as well let her try, even if it is point le-”

“Why are you doing this?” He cut her off. He wasn’t sure if he even wanted to know the answer to that question, but he asked anyway.

“I’m doing this to help you see reality. Marinette doesn’t like you. She wants somebody who can give her some big, romantic gesture. Somebody who’s not afraid to openly show their feelings to her. Somebody who can sweep her off her feet. And you can’t give her that. What can you offer her in a relationship? All you are is a shy, lonely boy who can barely even speak to a friend. Nobody wants to date a person like that. People want to date strong, confident men who are able to brighten up any room they enter. So I’m doing this to help you realize that no one will ever like you. You’ll always be the sad, lonely boy who no one will ever love.” The way she spoke, with her superior tone, had slashed him open and ripped out his heart.

Nathaniel felt sick to his stomach, the puke that had been creeping up his throat could seemingly come out at any moment. Why was she so cruel to him?

Well, he knew the answer to that question. She was Chloe Bourgeois, she lived off of other people’s torment.

He sprinted out of the room, off the school grounds. He didn’t know where he was headed, only that his feet were moving of their own accord. He didn’t care where he was going, as long as it was nowhere near Chloe. If there was a she-devil in all of Paris, then it would have to be her. She always knew how to ruin somebody’s day.

Suddenly, he was in front of his apartment complex. No, his day hadn’t been completely ruined yet. He still had the letter from the Académie Julian school to read. Surely, that could help salvage the day. 

He rushed up the stairs to his home and opened the door, collecting the mail along the way. He threw all but the letter from the art school on the kitchen counter. He tore open the envelope and scanned over every word that was written down. Though it didn’t take long for him to understand what the letter was saying.

Denied. He had been rejected from Académie Julian.

Immediately, he shredded the letter into the tiniest of pieces, his temper finally getting the better of him. Then stormed into his room, throwing his body on the bed. He felt so disconnected from reality. What was supposed to be his best day rapidly transformed into his worst. And it was Chloe’s fault. Her smug, entitled attitude had ruined the day for him. But was she right? Did no one really care about him? Would he really be alone forever?

Could the day get any worse?

                                                      ***

Hawkmoth could sense the negative energy that radiated from the red-headed boy. For a brief moment, he considered sending out one of his lovely akumas to infect the boy. But he stopped and pulled out the peacock miraculous instead. Why risk akumatizing him, only for Ladybug to purify his emotions, when he could let the negativity soak into his heart until it became permanent? This boy could be very easily manipulated, so he wouldn’t dare to stand against him. He also didn’t have many friends, so hardly anyone would notice if he were to disappear.

Nathaniel Kurtzberg was perfect for the next master of the peacock miraculous.

The villain left his lair, following the feelings of despair and anguish to their very source. He would make this boy his partner, no matter how much trickery was needed.

                                                      ***

The boy was still lying down on his bed when something knocked against his window. He ignored it at first, assuming a pigeon had run into the window. Only after it became more consistent did he finally decide to get up and look. What he saw outside of his window shocked him to his very core.

It was only the most infamous villain in all of Paris, Hawkmoth.

He should have tried to call the police or somehow gotten into contact with Ladybug and Chat Noir. Hawkmoth was casually standing outside his window, he needed to do something about it. But thinking about the situation further, why was Hawkmoth waiting outside his window? Out of all the people in the city, why him?

Against all better judgment, Nathaniel opened his window and allowed the man to come in. He hoped he wouldn’t regret it.

“Finally, you could have let me in quicker.” The villain said. “Nevermind that, I came here to speak with you. To offer you a deal.”

That certainly caught the boy by surprise. He couldn’t even mutter a single word before Hawkmoth spoke again.

“You see, I am in need of a partner, somebody to help me take down that nuisance of a superheroine, Ladybug.” The older man held out a peacock brooch between his fingers. It was beautiful, elegant in shape and color. “If you join me, then you will have your own miraculous with powers to aid you.”

“Why me?” The boy gathered the courage to ask. He couldn’t even consider the deal without knowing his reasoning.

The villain scowled slightly before it transformed into a grin. “Because you are important. You’re intelligent, creative, and can handle yourself. You’re the only person who fits the role of the peacock.”

Hawkmoth… needed him… he was the only person who could become the peacock.

“Plus, you looked as if you could use a wish.”

“A wish?” The red-head asked curiously.

“Hmm. Oh, of course, you wouldn’t know, not many people do. If someone gathers both the ladybug and cat miraculous, then they get to wish for anything their hearts desire. If you were to help me in this endeavor, then we could both get a wish.”

He could get anything he wished for. It almost sounded too good to be true. He could wish for Marinette’s love. He could wish for admission into Académie Julian. Or, he could wish for Chloe’s downfall, to show that everything she said about him was wrong.

“So, what do you say? Will you accept my deal?” Hawkmoth proposed, hold out the peacock brooch to him.

Nathaniel couldn’t have grabbed the brooch any faster.

                                                      ***

Chloe stood in the middle of her room, glaring at the new dress that lay on her bed with a pout. She wasn’t upset to have a new dress. In fact, it was a very pretty, snowy white that would highlight the color in her skin with a bronze ribbon tied around the waist. If she were to change into the dress, she had no doubt that she would look fabulously. But she had a problem with the reason for the new dress. Her dad must have bought it for her to wear to the party. He probably bought it in the hope that she would become elated and want to host now. Instead, it had only made her more frustrated with the notion. She didn’t want to attend, much less be the hostess. What was the point of hosting a party when the guest of honor wouldn’t even becoming? However, she would do it. Not because she wanted to, but because she didn’t want to disappoint her father. 

She sighed, “Well, if I have to go in place of mother, then I might as well wear something of hers.” The girl marched out of her room and into her parent’s. Then she went directly to her mother’s closet in the back of the room. It was very spacious, able to five or more people. Shoe shelves lined up against the left wall while the other two walls had just a clothes rack and drawers. There was one row across all three walls that was full of boxes that were either empty or had items that her mother thought were unfashionable. Upon entering, she started coughing from the particles of dust that were floating around. No one had probably come in the closet since her mother had moved to New York, and who knew how long ago that had been. 

What she did know was that when she was younger, her mother was given a pair of wedges that would go perfectly with her new dress. Her azure eyes scanned over the rows of shoes stored away, but she couldn’t find the pair she was thinking of. If they weren’t on the shelves, then that meant they were on the very top row. She let out a groan in annoyance. It looks like she would have to climb up and search for them.

The blonde started by placing one foot on the shelf and then the other on the shelf above. She kept repeating the gestures, growing closer to the top with each one. She moved with caution, making sure each foot wouldn’t slip out from under her. Once she reached the top row, she instantly spotted the shoes she wanted. Unfortunately, they were just out of reach. That didn’t stop her from trying, as she leaned forward and extended her arm towards them. She was so focused on the wedges that she didn’t notice one of her feet lift off the shelf. When she successfully grabbed the pair of shoes, she almost shouted in victory. Before she could, her other foot had slipped from its hold, causing her downward descent to the closet floor. Acting on instinct, she grappled onto the clothes rack to stop her fall. But it only broke under the pressure and speed. Her back hit the ground, a bunch of clothes falling on top of her. Digging out of the pile, she was thankful that she wouldn’t have to attempt that again. 

When she got up, her foot landed on something. It appeared to be a tiny white box, one that could easily fit into the palm of her hand. She plucked the box off the ground and opened it, hoping it was a piece of jewelry that she could also wear tonight. A shiny, golden hair comb with a bee emblem at the top laid within. Her fingers traced its spines, transfixed on the item. It was the most stunning hair accessory that she had ever seen. And she knew that would look absolutely perfect in her hair. Wanting to put the comb on, she took it out of the box. Immediately, a glowing, yellow orb sprung from the comb and circled around her body. It was so bright, the girl was forced to shut her eyes or else go permanently blind.

“How may I serve you, my queen?” A voice asked. Believing someone had heard her crash and came to check on her, Chloe’s eyelids rose in relief. That relief was swiftly demolished into dread when she saw the tiny bee that flew in front of her face.

A scream dislodged from the girl’s throat. While her screams continued, she ran out of her mother’s closet, out of her parent’s room, and back into the safety of her room. She shoved a pillow into her face, trying to cease the noise that exited her mouth. It couldn’t have been the bee who had talked to her. Surely, it was one of the servants who was playing a prank on her. A very elaborate prank that involved a talking bee. Right?

Disproving her theory, the tiny bug had followed her and spoke again. “What’s wrong, my queen?”

“Stay away from me!” The blonde exclaimed. The pillow shifted away from her face and over her shoulder before she swung towards the bee. However, it dodged the attack. She repeatedly tried to whack it out of the air, but it kept dodging her attacks. After a while, she noticed how the creature hadn’t tried to get any closer to her. Deciding it wasn’t going to harm her, at least for now, she dropped the pillow onto the floor. “Urgh! Why won’t you just leave me alone?”

“But, my queen, you were the one who awoke me from my slumber. That means you are my new master.”

Despite what the bug had said, she still didn’t trust the thing. “What are you anyway? How do I know that you aren’t going to sting me?”

The bee politely laughed. “I’m not going to sting you. My name is Pollen, and I’m the bee kwami.”

“A kwami?” One eyebrow raised in disbelief.

“Yes. With the miraculous that you discovered,” Pollen indicated to the hair comb that the girl still clutched, “and myself, you can be given powers and abilities beyond your wildest imaginations.”

That little detail caught Chloe’s attention. She stared down at the comb, examining the accessory. That sounded a lot like…

Her head perked up with the thought, as she turned her attention back towards the kwami. “Are you saying that you can turn me into a superhero? Just like Ladybug?”

Pollen nodded her head. “Yes, I can. All you have to do put on the miraculous and say, ‘Pollen, buzz on.’ That will allow you to transform into a hero.”

At that moment, the girl heard a faint explosion from outside. There was only one explanation for the sound. The pair turned to look out the window and saw another explosion, with two figures heading for the Eiffel Tower. The battle between the superpowered teens and the akuma must have already started. A smile grew on the girl’s face. Then she had no time to lose. This was her chance to be like Ladybug, to get as much love and attention that she gets.

Sliding the comb into her hair, she exclaimed, “Alright. Pollen, buzz on!”

Instantly, the magic took into effect. Her regular outfit felt non-existent against her skin, replaced with a costume. She also felt a mask form over her face, concealing her identity from the rest of the world. Once the magic dissipated, she took no time to admire the transformation. If she didn’t hurry, then she could miss her chance at a grand entrance.

She sprinted out to her balcony and jump across to the next building. Not accounting for the momentum she had built up, she overshot her landing and plummeted to the streets of Paris. Before she hit the ground, she took out her weapon, a spinning top, and threw it at the chimney of another building. Once the top had securely wrapped around the chimney, she swung herself onto the rooftop, narrowly avoiding the ground. She inhaled deeply, trying to fight off the excited laugh that threatened to steal her breath. She could hardly believe what she had just done. She was so much faster, stronger, and more agile than normal. She truly felt untouchable that she could do anything.

She continued running across the rooftops, finally landing on one closer to the battle. She could clearly see Ladybug and Chat Noir fighting off the akuma, but they were too distracted to notice her. The taste of everything adoration rested on the tip of her tongue, it only took a few more jumps for her to completely consume the taste. Before she could join, something appeared in her peripheral vision. Turning to inspect, she realized it was a person. More specifically, it was a boy who stood far enough from the battle to not be seen by those participating. He wore a dark violet waistcoat that had several tails trailing behind him, with a pair of trousers and shoes in the same shade. He also wore a red undershirt, matching the color of his hair. There was also a feather attached to his hair, it appeared to be pulling back the mound from covering his face. From her angle, she could only view his profile. She couldn’t see his face nor the finer details of his outfit. Though he just stood there, she had a bad feeling about him. If he was a threat to Ladybug, then he must be taken down before he can strike.

                                                      ***

For the entire battle, he had stalked the crime-fighting duo from the shadows. The only time he stood in the light was when no one would notice his presence. He had a mission, steal the heroes’ miraculous, and deliver them to Hawkmoth. All he needed was the perfect chance to strike them down. And that time was approaching quickly.

He was about to join the fight when an object wrapped around his ankle. He looked downward, scrutinizing the object, he was confused by what he saw. A spinning top had coiled itself around his ankle. But where had it come from? Faster than he could comprehend, there was a rough tug on the spinning top’s string. The force caused him to plummet face-first to the ground. Before he could recover, the string dragged him away from the akuma battle.

The red-haired boy growled. No one knew about him, so what could possibly be interrupting him? He would have to deal with this new development swiftly or else he wouldn’t be able to complete his mission. When his body had finally stopped moving, he flipped onto his back so he could see his attacker. Instantly, a heeled foot stomped down on his chest.

“Caught ‘cha!” The attacker declared.

Nathaniel examined the figure above him, shocked by the cite. It was a girl, probably no older than he was. She wore a black and yellow jumpsuit with a mask of the same colors. She had one dark stripe in her blonde hair, the end curling like a bee’s stingers. There was also a pair of antennae sticking out of her hair tie. Her eyes, the most striking color he had ever seen, shone proudly with victory. He could tell that she wasn’t any ordinary citizen. She had to be a miraculous user. However, he hadn’t been aware that there were any more. Sure, she could have been new, but it seemed like too big of a coincidence that they would both be starting on the same day.

“Who are you?” He questioned. He didn’t need to ask whether she was a friend or foe, she had made it pretty obvious where she aligned. Yet, he still needed to gather as much information on her that he could. The more he knew, the easier it would be to successfully defeat her.

The girl smirked, her demeanor becoming more prideful. “I’m glad you asked. I am the newest superheroine in Paris, the marvelous Queen Bee.”

The boy’s eyes couldn’t have rolled farther back into his head. He had only known her for a minute, but he determined that she was the most arrogant person he had ever met. Well, the second most arrogant person.

A tiny chuckle escaped his lips. “Marvelous, really? I don’t see anything marvelous about you.” Surprised by his own words, his chuckling ended. Had he really just gotten cheeky with her? He had never done that before. Usually, he could barely talk to people, much less have a retort to what they say.

Ever since he had transformed, he hadn’t been acting like himself. He didn’t endure the weight of the fears he carried. He felt unshackled, free of the things that brought him down. He hadn’t felt apprehensive, his need to hide away gone. He felt more assertiveness, the need to fight back heightened. His hair hadn’t even been covering the left side of his face, allowing both his turquoise orbs to see the world. It was as if the mask hid not only his identity but his personality as well. As the bearer of the peacock miraculous, it’s as if he became a whole new person. A chance to be the person he wanted to be, rather than who he actually was.

The blonde’s pride had been stripped away at the comment, leaving an irked sneer in its place. Her foot pressed down harder into his chest, causing him to wince. He didn't regret his words, though. In fact, it made him glad to have gotten her so mad.

“Alright, then just who are you?” 

He beamed at the question. “I am Hawkmoth’s partner. You may call me Pavo**.”

She hadn’t immediately respond. He thought her silence was out of amazement. Then, one of her hands went to cover her mouth. When her shoulders started to shake, it revealed her real thoughts.

“What kind of a name in Pavo!” She roared, no longer trying to hide her laughter. “Seriously, Pavo is the stupidest sounding name I’ve ever heard!”

Her giddiness had caused her to let her guard down, the pressure of her foot slightly lift off his chest. Ignoring the humiliated blush that formed on his cheeks, the redhead knew this was his chance to gain the upper hand. He grabbed her ankle and launched it away from his body. As she crashed to the ground, he had gotten up. If he ran fast enough, there would still be time to strike down Ladybug and Chat Noir. But he couldn’t bring himself to run away from Queen Bee. He was overcome with the need to continue this fight.

He strolled over to Queen Bee, each step menacingly slow. Once he reached the spot where she lay, he tried to kick her in the ribs. However, she rolled out of the way before his foot could land. Swiftly, she was on her knees and threw her spinning top at him. He wouldn’t let a little toy beat him this time. He pulled out his own weapon, a hand fan, and smacked the top away.

“Is that really all you’ve got?” Cockiness dripped out of his voice, drunk off his own power and attitude. He turned his back to her, unafraid of what she could do. “I would have thought you to be a killer bee, but it turns out you’re just a bumblebee.”

He heard her snarl at the remark. God, it was too much fun to tease her. The ability to get such a rise out of a haughty person like her, it was more satisfying than he could have guessed. If only he could act this way around Chloe, that would be pure bliss.

Nathaniel started to turn back towards her. “Well, it’s been fun, but-” He was cut off by a hand making direct contact with his cheek. Too distracted by his own enjoyment that he hadn’t noticed that she had gotten closer. He was stunned by the slap, not being able to recover. Taking advantage of his state, she then punched him in the gut. She tried to hit his face again, but he was able to pull himself together and caught her fist with his hand. She struggled to pull away, his grip was too firm.

He was about to whack her when a warm, comforting breeze ran up his spine. Looking at the sky, a swarm of ladybugs swept over the entire city. It must have been Ladybug’s restoration power, which meant that she had defeated the akuma. And that he had failed his mission.

A sharp, sudden pain pinched at the top of his foot. Instinctively, he released the girl and held onto his foot instead. The fight was over, she didn’t need to trample his foot. He would have let her go… well, after he returned all her blows.

Queen Bee took a few steps back with a frown on her face. Her arms crossed over her chest, her posture now in the form of a pout.

“Ugh, I can’t believe this! Because of you, my grand entrance has been ruined!”

Was she serious?

“Wow, you really are a spoiled brat, aren’t you.”

Before she had the chance to attack, he jumped across several rooftops. Then he fell down into an alleyway. He needed to report back to his partner, even if he didn’t want to report his failings.

                                                      ***

Hawkmoth was more furious that day then he had been in a long time. How could that boy have failed him? It was a simple job, even the most idiotic person in all of France could have completed it. Unless this boy was the most idiotic person in all of France. He could barely comprehend how wrong the plan had gone. How could he not even get one of the rivals’ miraculous? It didn’t matter whether it had been that cat ring or the ladybug earrings, either would have been fine. He had the element of surprise and an akuma on his side, it should have been easy. But the boy had turned out to be a disappointment.

The glowing symbol of the butterfly formed in front of the man’s face. Before the boy could start his report, he spoke.

“Why have you failed?” 

“I’m sorry, sir, but there was another miraculous user who got in my way.”

“What do you mean another miraculous user!” He had been trying to sound emotionless. He couldn’t risk losing control and having his new pawn abandoned him. Yet, this time he couldn’t hold back his anger. Did that mean that insufferable bug had added another ally to her side?

The boy could barely mutter out his reply, scared of the villain's tone. “I-it was a girl, s-sir. It l-looked like s-she had some type of bee m-miraculous.”

Hawkmoth paused for a moment. A bee miraculous user. The bee miraculous. The very one he had given away years ago. But the person who possessed no longer lived in Paris. Had she thrown it out? Did some random person find it in the garbage?

A callous smile lifted onto his face. It did not matter what that woman had done with the bee miraculous. All that mattered now was him gaining ownership of it again. Then he would no longer need this pathetic boy to do his bidding.

“Does Ladybug know of this new holder?”

“Based on what Queen Bee had said during our fight, I don’t think Ladybug does.”

“Perfect, then I have a new mission for you. We must make sure this Queen Bee never meets up with Ladybug and Chat Noir. It is your job to ensure that. You must take her miraculous and bring it to me. Is that understood?”

“Yes, I understand.”

Good, then you are dismissed.”

Without a farewell, the butterfly symbol disappeared from his face. This day had been very fortuitous for Hawkmoth.

                                                      ***

It hadn’t been fair! How could her opportunity to join Ladybug’s side be completely ruined? It was all that stupid peacock’s fault! If he hadn’t been there, then she would be relishing in the people’s attention and adoration.

Chloe landed on her balcony, steam coming out of her ears. She couldn’t get over her confrontation with Pavo. Whenever he had spoken, with his condescending tone, it made her feel unimportant. The way he had treated her was ridiculous, utterly ridiculous! She deserved to be treated as a queen, not as a peasant. He should have kneeled at her presence, not scoffed.

Everything about him had aggravated her. She couldn’t even express her thoughts into words.

She was about to walk indoors when she caught her reflection in the window. It had been the first time she had seen her transformation. One that she could change into whenever she wanted. All she needed was the kwami and the hair comb.

Her temper marginally dissipated at the thought. She would have another chance to reveal herself to the world. She just needed to be patient and not run into Pavo again. If the peacock ever crossed her path again, she would give him the pounding of a lifetime.

“Pollen, buzz off.” She de-transformed and entered her room. Enough of this superhero business, she had a dumb party to get ready for.

                                                      ***

After his battle with the pesky bee, all Nathaniel wanted to do was sleep his exhaustion away. He couldn’t, though, as he had to come to his asinine party full of the most vapid people in the fashion industry at the Grand Paris Hotel. His mother had been hired to photograph*** the event and dragged him along with her. He wouldn’t have minded any other night. He might have even tried having fun any other night, rather than leaning against the wall. But as the seconds grew, he felt more dreadful at being there. He just didn’t want to run into a particular bully.

As if knowing his fear, Chloe Bourgeois sauntered towards him through the crowd. She wore an off-the-shoulder white dress with a bronze ribbon tied around her waist. Blended in her blonde tresses was a silver hair comb. There seemed to be a shape at the top, but it was hard to make out without any color. Her face was powdered with the same makeup she always wore.

He would never understand her choices in attire. Her eyeshadow never looked good, so why did she continue to assault her eyelids with it? The pale blue shade paint didn’t match her dress at all, making her beautiful getup ruined by her face. If she hadn’t worn it, the dress might have actually looked pleasant on her. But even then, he would have to disagree. The lighter hues she often adorned made her look like an angel who has graced the people with her very existence. And that certainly wasn’t her. With eyes as vicious as a viper’s, there was no way she could have been an angel. He thought the shades of black and blood would suit her more. They were perfect colors for a mistress of Hell who yanked innocent souls down to the depths of their suffering. Or maybe a golden hue would be best. It was a color demanding both fear and respect, one suited for a que-

Stop that. He thought. You’re only thinking that way because of your encounter with Queen Bee. Chloe doesn’t deserve the respect of a queen.

“I can’t believe you’re here, but not my Adrikins.” The blonde exasperated, snapping him out of his thoughts. He had been so absorbed, he hadn’t even noticed when she reached his perch. A light red tinted his face, embarrassed to have been staring her for so long. She didn't seem to note it, or maybe she didn’t care to acknowledge it. She was more crabby than usual, though he didn’t know why. He couldn’t even muster out a word before she continued. “I mean, after today, I didn’t expect to see you again.”

Nathaniel felt like a bucket of ice had drenched him, freezing his muscles of all movement. He didn’t want the memory of their earlier conversation to replay in his mind, but there was no stopping a tap that had started rolling. Her words were amplified his brain, floating around the void. He had never really been able to stop the memory or the words, continually playing in the background. The acute pain he had experienced at that moment was now a dull ache at the reminder. The only time he had been diverted from the feelings was when he was wearing his mask. Pavo was confident and sly, a person not deterred by unwanted emotions. It was a persona he could never hope to be. Yet… Pavo had to come from somewhere inside of him. Maybe he could try to emulate the villain.

The girl was about to walk away when he finally spoke up. “What you did today was not ok. Just because you’re the mayor’s daughter, you think that you’re automatically better than everyone else. That you can just crush whoever you want. Well, I’ve had enough. I won’t allow you to treat me that way anymore.”

“Oh, really.” She replied, a vindictive laugh oozing out of her throat. “And just how are you going to do that?”

“I don’t know. But I’ll start by giving you some advice. Lose the eyeshadow, it makes you look like a clown.”

Chloe’s bright eyes grew in astonishment while her lips drew down in galling glower. She was just a spoiled, arrogant girl who needed to be kicked off her pedestal. And he was determined to bring about her downfall.

“Oh yeah! Well, you should change the color of your hair. It makes your head look like a tomato.” She struggled out the insult. She stomped back into the crowd, thunder crackling all around her.

From this day onward, his life would be different. Nathaniel didn’t know how, but he hoped it would be for the better.                             ________________________________________

*The Académie Julian did exist. It was a private art school in Paris, France that was active from 1868 through 1968.  **Pavo is a star constellation in the southern sky whose name is Latin for peacock. ***I made Nathaniel’s mom a photographer because I’m actually studying to be a photographer myself. I’m not saying I’m Nathaniel’s mom, I’m just putting a little influence of my life into the work.

A/N: Hello! If you read the chapter and are reading this now, I just want to say that YOU’RE A FUCKING CHAMP! If you haven’t read the chapter yet and skipped down to read this first, one, I appreciate your interest in my story, and two, I’m sorry for the long-ass scroll! This ended up taking around 30 pages in my writing journal and 18 pages on Google Docs. Apparently, it’s over 7500 words and I don’t know how. I didn’t mean for it to be this long, I swear!

For real though, I want to talk to y’all about this story, explain some of the decisions I made. Firstly, as some of you my have guessed, this story is based of the Buzzkill AU by @powerdragonmoon​. Or you could say ripped off and I am fine with that. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, this is a link for you to go read Buzzkill on AO3! If are at all curious about this AU, please go read it or go to @powerdragonmoon​‘s tumblr and type buzzkill in the search bar to get a generally idea of the AU. I fell in love with the Buzzkill AU the minute I found out about it! I’m just a sucker for enemies to lovers stories (Hate Square all the way baby!!!) and I loved the concept of Peacock!Nathaniel. 

Secondly, this story this story takes place with season 2, with some elements from season 3 mixed in. That means I will be re-writing some episodes so that they fit with my story. Not all of the episodes, only the ones that affect the characters. You can probably guess which episodes, but I’m not going to spoil it.

Thirdly, this is also my attempt at a Chloe redemption arc. I just think it’s an interesting concept to see how I would go about redeeming her, also because I was unsatisfied with her development in season 3 but I’m not gonna get into that here.

Fourthly, this story mostly focuses on Chloe and Nathaniel. Marinette and Adrien aren’t really apart of this story. They will come into play eventually, but that’s not going to be sometime.

Fifthly, for those of you familiar with the Buzzkill AU, you might be wondering why I didn’t use Le Paon and created my own Peacock!Nathaniel called Pavo. There’s two reasons behind that. One, it makes me uncomfortable to take from other people’s AU, specifically if they’re writing a story of the AU. I just kinda feel like I’m stealing and I don’t want to do that. Two, I wanting to give Pavo a design that was more based off the show. That’s not me saying that Le Paon’s design sucks. Because really, it doesn’t. In fact, I only really added a slight twist to the design for Pavo because I love Le Paon’s outfit. I mostly just wanted to up date the color scheme to be more accurate to the show.

Speaking of which, if you were confused by my description in the story, here is Pavo’s outfit (sorry if art is bad, I’m not that good at drawing).

Now you may be seeing this and thinking, You literally just said you wanted to make the color scheme more accurate to the show yet its red instead of the hot pink. What the hell. And my answer to that is that I don’t think that Nathaniel’s shade of red and the hot pink used in the show look all that good together. I just think the two colors clash rather than compliment. Plus, I firmly believe that Pavo wearing red will make his hair not stand out as much, so Chloe won’t be able to figure out who he is as easily. Like whenever they fight, she doesn’t even notice how red his hair is. Also, ignore the feather attached to his mask. That was the original idea when I was designing this costume. I have changed it so that the feather is in his hair, pulling it out of his face as a symbolic way to show that Pavo is more confident than Nathaniel.

Alright, now I’m done. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, or I hope you will enjoy. I don’t know when the next chapter will be out, but I’ll try post it in spring. BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[cela-astral-projection]

All I want is freedom A world with no more night And you, always beside me To hold me and to hide me

So, I said I’d been considering the Phantom of the Opera thing. Inspired by the Heart Hunter interaction in the theatre. It’s...uh. Yeah. 

I have never actually seen the production of Phantom because I live in southwest Missouri and the opportunities are few and far between to see quality productions. The movie came out when I was a freshman or sophomore in high school and it was...formative. To say the least. I know people get down on it, but I liked it. I don’t really have much to compare it to. 

Some 18+ under the cut but mostly cut for length. 

---

The shop was empty. The sun had gone down. Celeste was alone in the shop. Asra was out with his parents for the evening. She had been invited, but with everything going on upon her return from her trip with Julian she didn't quite have the heart to face Aisha and Salim.

 Asra insisted that they would never be upset with her and that they were thrilled that Asra and Celeste and Muriel were officially a "thing", even though they hadn't put an official title on what that "thing" was. 

The only thing Celeste knew for certain is that she was having the absolute time of her life. She didn't mind shuffling between the hut and the shop. Every night she was with one, the other, or both of them. Waking up tangled in someone's arms. No jealousy or fighting for rank. It was liberating. 

The fact that she was staring down the barrel of an evening left entirely to her own devices was somewhat daunting by comparison. 

When she asked Muriel if she should come out to the hut, he had claimed that he was busy. When pressed, he didn't quite meet her eyes and muttered something about chickens.

If had been someone else, she would have questioned it. But, when it came to Muriel and chickens it seemed as plausible an answer as anything else. She could absolutely see him doing some form of twilight chicken wrangling. No question.

Eventually, she resigned herself to a night of take-away from one of the nearby stalls and some light reading. She threw on a light jacket and made her way to the door. 

As she turned to latch it behind her, she caught a large figure in her periphery. Far up the street, moving away from her. Trying not to be noticed, staying in the shadows. But, seven-foot-tall mountain men, even ones that purposefully cursed themselves to stay forgotten...were hard to miss. 

She leaned back, hand still on the door handle, craning her neck. "What on earth..." she said, low. Her eyebrow was arched, puzzled. She considered calling out to him. But, the fact that he had bypassed the shop entirely, knowing she was there, seemed a bit odd. More than a bit. 

She stepped out onto the street. Muriel disappeared around a corner. 

And all of a sudden she had plans for the evening. 

Celeste hurried down the street after him, dodging other pedestrians, trying both to catch up and hang back. Trying not to alarm him. This man loathed coming to town. Hated crowds. What on the God's Green Earth was he up to? She'd almost be annoyed if it wasn't so intriguing. 

She pressed her back against the wall, peeking around the corner. An old woman gave her a confused look. "Miss Cela? Are you okay?" She called out across the street. Celeste darted back behind the wall and pressed her finger to her lips, shushing her. The old woman laughed, continuing. "What are you doing, honey? You need some help?"

Celeste waved her hand in front of her throat, trying to cut her off. She hissed a "No." shaking her head vigorously. 

After a beat, she ventured to look around the corner again. Muriel was gone. 

"Fuck." she spat to herself and crossed the street to the old lady. She asked, already knowing the answer. "Did you see which way that tall man went?"

"Which tall man, Miss Cela?" the woman stared at her, smiling broadly. Like Celeste had gone funny in the head. 

"Ah...Nothing. I'll come to see you tomorrow. Have a good night!" She said as she stepped backward, waving as she turned and darted up the road. 

He was nowhere to be found. Generally, Muriel wasn't the sneaky type. She'd seen the man try to hide before. There was a reason the curse was so effective--he couldn't win a game of hide-and-seek without it. She'd seen him try to hide behind a dog before. It was not his forte. 

Tonight, she was the one off her game. 

She stood in the center of the street, tongue pressed into her cheek, irritated. 

There were approximately two places she knew for certain Muriel would consider going in Vesuvia. He was a fair distance from either of those places. 

Asra could simply skip through time and space and catch up. That shit made her nauseous and she refused him every time he tried to teach her.

She reached into her pocket and produced the tiny satchel of myrrh, holding it in the flat of her palm, focusing her energy into it. She closed her eyes, breathing deeply. 

When she opened them again, she saw tendrils of green light leeching from her fingertips, pointing her in the right direction. 

It leads her to a building she was familiar with. She had been with Julian many times. "Fucking what?" she said to herself, staring at the door.

It was the theatre. 

She shook the bag of myrrh as if it had broken, tapping it with her finger.  "You sure?" she asked it. Not expecting it to respond, of course, but still completely perplexed. But, the light seemed to glow brighter, more intent. She shook her head, skeptical. But, she put the satchel back in her pocket and reached for the door. 

She expected it to be locked, so she gave it a firm tug. She stumbled back when it opened easily and she blinked, eyes wide.

----

It wasn't a grand theatre by any means. Though, there was no telling Julian that. He was the primadonna of every performance. He talked frequently about wanting to make it into a cultural hub for every kingdom. He was ambitious and passionate about it.

He was also scared to death to be alone there. 

"It's haunted. I'm serious. The place is haunted." Julian said, taking her hands in his, staring in her eyes, trying to give his words more gravitas. 

Celeste blinked slowly at him, the corner of her mouth upturned. "Haunted, Julian? Really?" She scoffed.

"You don't believe in ghosts?" he said, offended. Or, at least feigning offense. It was a fine line.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "I firmly believe in ghosts. If you'll recall the whole goat-ghost debacle that almost killed the both of us. Or did...depending on how you frame it." she said, considering. "I just don't believe the theatre is haunted. It would have to be one hell of a spirit."

He regaled her with the legends. People walking past in the dead of night and hearing a loud, deep, mellifluous voice pouring out into the streets. The times they'd come in and found entirely new masks and props after a poor opening night. New sets built and old ones dismantled. Stories of a hulking figure in the rafters. Notes left in the dressing room after a good performance, giving praise. Criticism after a bad show. Anonymous. Ominous. And...rather harsh on Julian, personally. 

"If you say so. It's haunted. Sure." Celeste said, dismissive. Julian had a flair for the dramatic. If he wanted to believe his beloved theatre was haunted by a mysterious creative benefactor hiding in the rafters...who was she to disagree.

----

She slunk through the shadows. The house lights were down, but the stage-lights were up. She didn't see Muriel anywhere. She supposed someone might have had simply forgotten to extinguish them. Maybe the myrrh was wrong, and she'd been lead on a wild...chicken...chase. She turned to go, a little on edge. Breaking and entering, all that. Not exactly a good look. 

As soon as she turned to go, she heard a voice from...somewhere. It was rough, like rain through a rusty pipe. She knew that voice. 

Muriel wasn't known to be particularly musical. When he was engaged in tasks, like whittling, he did tend to do a half-talking-half-singing hybrid. It was endearing, but it wasn't precisely operatic. Asra and she were the singers. It had been part of how he'd retaught her to speak. They would sing together without even thinking. She didn't consider herself a professional, by any means, but she loved music. Muriel never seemed inclined to join in, just happy to listen to them.

She took a seat in the back row of the theatre, staying low. 

Muriel emerged on the stage, holding a half-mask in his hands. He was singing. He seemed to be checking the acoustics. Pausing every few words to see how they sounded as they reverberated in the empty room. 

Celeste couldn't fight her smile. He looked dashing. His hair was slicked back. He was wearing...clothes. Tailored. Dark. A tuxedo. A cape lined red. She blinked, not quite believing it. The idea of Muriel dressed like a functioning member of society was shock enough. The fact that he had a tuxedo that fit him appropriately and was wearing it -- not under duress? She didn't know what to do with this information. 

He put the mask on, fastening it. He cleared his throat, clearly composing himself. 

She was rapt, watching his every movement. Biting her lower lip. 

Muriel stood silent for a long while, staring out at the empty seats. He gathered a deep breath. He cast his arms out grandly.  Celeste blinked, taken back. The cape billowed out around him, all drama. 

And then he sang. 

Truly sang. 

His voice was rich and thick. It covered the room like velvet. So powerful, so sweet. 

"You have come here...In pursuit of your deepest urge...In pursuit of that wish which till now has been silent...Silent...I have brought you...That our passions may fuse and merge..."

Celeste's mouth fell open, and she exhaled shakily, completely caught off guard. She felt like she'd been struck in the stomach. Muriel...her Muriel. 

The "Phantom". 

Muriel had told her, once, that he liked to watch the plays from the rafters. She had offered to go with him on a date. But, he had refused her quite vigorously. She understood why, now. This was his place. Where he could be free. He wasn't ready to share with her, with Asra. 

He was so...beautiful. So confident. Larger than life. So beyond her perception of who she knew him to be. It pained her. Her sweet Muriel. She wanted to go to him. But, she feared that he would recoil from her, his privacy invaded. 

"...What sweet seduction lies before us...Past the point of no return...The final threshold? What warm, unspoken secrets will we learn...Beyond the point of no return?"

He finished, and the room fell quiet again. His face fell. No applause. Just...silence. His beautiful confidence replaced by all-consuming loneliness. 

Her heart skipped a beat and she sighed, sadly. She stood, throwing her hands up. 

"Fuck it," she said aloud, smoothing her hands over her dress, glamouring it. A leather bodice. A frilly, off the shoulder lace top. Gold brocade skirts. She ran a hand over her hair, a flower forming under her fingers. A red rose. She might only get one shot at this. Might as well jump in headfirst.

She strode up the aisle. It wasn't entirely elegant, spur of the moment and all. Trying to find her voice, she started, "You have brought me...To that moment where words run dry..."

And they did. She stopped, coughing. A finger up, begging his indulgence for a moment. 

Muriel looked absolutely beside himself with panic. Caught out. But, he didn't run. It seemed unreal. That she would be here. It was shock that adhered him to the spot. This wasn't happening. No fucking way. 

She put her hands up, steadying herself, swallowing hard. This particular song wasn't exactly her forte, but by the Gods, she'd make it work. "To that moment where speech disappears into silence...Silence." She walked to the front of the stage, staring up at him, singing to him. "I have come here...Hardly knowing the reason why. In my mind, I've already imagined our bodies entwining, defenseless and silent. And now I am here with you, no second thoughts...I've decided..."

He stared down at her, eyes wide. Still in wonder. She was...beautiful. Of course, to him, she was always beautiful. But, this was indulgent. Fantasy. It couldn't be true. But...then again. It was Celeste. She was all magic. 

She put her hand at the level of her eyes, somewhat coy, corner of her mouth upturned. Her mind calling out for him to play along. 

And he softened, coming to the edge of the stage and crouching, extending his hand to her. She moved her hand from her eyes to his hand, and he lifted her in one swift movement. She felt like she was levitating through the air, and gave a squeak of surprise. When she was at his level, he wrapped his arm around her waist, gathering her against him, gazing into her eyes. He released her hand, letting it fall.

She smiled up at him, her hand grazing her fingers over his exposed cheek as she allowed it her arm to descend. It was the cheek that was relatively unscarred. That stung her deeply. Of course, he'd embrace this character. This sweet man. This man could be so possessive of her. But, everything between them was given freely. He never had to ask. Demand. 

For all the parallels, Muriel was not a pitiful creature of darkness, despite what he might believe of himself. He was strong. And talented. And she loved him. Oh, how she loved him. He would never manipulate her. Frighten her. 

She was not his muse, some ideal to deify. She was his friend. His lover. The keeper of his heart. 

He ran his hand up her arm, pressing her palm against his cheek, turning his lips against the touch. 

"Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime..." she spoke, looking up at him with complete adoration. 

"Save me from my solitude. Say you'll want me with you. Here, beside you." He replied, leaning down towards her. 

She moved her hand behind his head, using her magic to unfasten the mask, bringing her other hand up to take it from him, casting it to the side. It fell with a clatter. Muriel winced. He did still like that mask. 

Celeste mouthed a "Sorry," silently. Praying she hadn't damaged it too badly. 

He shrugged, the corner of his mouth turned up. He leaned in further, resting his chin on the top of her head, holding her tight against his chest. 

"Anywhere you go, let me go too." She said, breathy, closing her eyes. Reveling in his warmth. 

They stood together for a long while, simply enjoying the nearness of one another. 

She pulled back a bit, moving her hand to his chin, guiding his gaze to hers. "Chickens?" she asked, incredulous.

"Would you have bought this if I'd told you?" he said, teasing. 

"Fair," she replied, looking around. "I thought Julian was full of shit, but..."

"Mm. I'd say that's a fair assessment of Julian." he countered. "But, about the 'Phantom of The Community Theatre'. Yeah, he's...not wrong. He just isn't right, either." He took a deep breath. "I do enjoy toying with him. I guess." He shrugged, a smile playing at the corners of his eyes. "But, more than that...they aren't very good at putting on plays. I have certain expectations. If they aren't going to do it right, I'll...intervene."

Celeste laughed. Never in all her days would she have considered this scenario. But, he and Asra had spent their childhood dabbling in costuming. He loved building things. It all made perfect sense. 

"I love this suit," she said, running her hand down his chest. "I mean, the bare chest and fur ensemble works for me just fine, but this is..." She made a clicking noise with her tongue. "Mm. I'm a fan. Of the whole thing."

He blushed, turning his eyes away. "I know I'm not ver--"

She stopped him, knowing exactly where he was going before he ever got there. "I'm not going to hear that. You are amazing. I am completely blown away. If I had flowers, I'd throw them at your feet. I had no idea." 

He shrugged, deflecting. Face still burning. She gave a quiet laugh. He wouldn't accept the compliment, she knew that. But, she meant it. She couldn't hardly believe it. Her hermit, so immensely gifted. 

"Muriel..." she said, soft and sweet. "If you wanted to...persue this. I don't think anyone would have any objections."

He shook his head. "No. I've had quite enough performing for crowds. I still don't...want to be seen. It's...just a whim. I'm happy doing what I do. This is good enough."

She nodded, letting it drop. Such a pity, that the world wouldn't know how amazing he truly was. 

He inhaled sharply, not meeting her eyes still. "You could...come with me. Sometimes. That would be okay, I guess." 

She laughed, raising herself up on her tiptoes, pulling him down to her. "Try to stop me." 

She caught his lips, and he sank against her, eyes fluttering shut. 

His hands raked down her body, gripping her hips and pulling her into him firmly. His mouth turned needy, pushing his tongue between her lips, she groaned, raking her tongue against his, battling back. Her fingers ran along his jaw, up into his hair, pressing him against her more firmly. 

He pulled back. His eyes were dusky with lust. Heat, and need. "Give me one more thing, tonight." 

"Of course, love," she said, running her nails down his neck, feeling the hairs raise under her touch. 

---

Sometime later, they lay, spent, sweaty under the stage-lights, atop the cloak. A satiny, red, elegant thing. It was slick and damp, sweat and come. Muriel's body covered hers. His cock still buried in her, raking his lips over her neck and shoulder, holding her against him. She whispered words of adoration and praise, coming down from the high of orgasm. Feeling weak in his arms. 

He pulled out of her cunt, and she felt his seed drip out of her. Thick, creamy. It was an exquisite feeling. He reclined beside her, propped up on one arm, his other hand moving across the plains of her stomach, down to the juncture of her thighs, running his fingers through the wet, slick curls, dipping between the sensitive lips, collecting their shared release on his fingertips. She gave small, mewling cries as his rough fingers brushed against her sex. So sensitive. He was being careful, she knew it, but she was still so easily stimulated. 

He brought his finger to her lips, and she parted them slightly. He ran his finger along her soft lower lip. She pressed them together, sucking the finger in, running her tongue along with the digit. Slow, wanton. Savoring the taste. 

"You made a mess, Cela. I don't think it's going to come out of the cloak," he said. But, he didn't quite sound upset about it. 

She opened her eyes and cocked an eyebrow at him. He popped his finger out of her mouth and laid his hand on her stomach. Self-satisfied. 

"I can magic it out. Don't worry about it," she replied, a little disappointed that he would doubt her abilities.

"No, you don't worry about it. The suit is mine," His eyes glittered. "The cloak is Julian's."

Celeste's eyes went wide, and she spluttered a bit. Then, she fell into laughter, her entire body vibrating and spasming, hardly able to catch her breath.

"Raoul is overrated. I think you'll agree. The Phantom is much better at most things." He finished. Smug.

[egg-emperor]

I know I've already asked about this before, but do you have anymore headcanons about your self insert and Eggman? I like hearing you talk about your self insert

Thank you so much! It really means a lot that you like Julian! :’D 

Yes of course, I have tons more and I can choose a few to share right now! They’re in no particular order and some are more detailed descriptions of events while others are simple concepts broken down to make them simpler. I’m gonna put this under a read more because it’s perhaps a little bit lengthy.

Julian’s favorite robots of Eggman’s are the Egg Pawns, Egg Fighters, and Metal Sonic. The first time he got to see the museum dedicated to his creations, Julian fell in love with the first prototype for the Egg Pawns, which is my OC by the name of Jimmy. Julian wanted to adopt him the moment he saw him and he was the first of Eggman’s robots that he called his son. He then later joined Eggman calling Metal Sonic his son and became the second father to him. 

Julian especially likes to help build Egg Pawns and Fighters with him because of how their features resemble Eggman’s appearance the most. It’s the closest to them being able to create a child together that way lol. A follow up would be the Eggrobos if he were to produce them again!

Julian is always there to support Eggman through everything whether it’s a plan, the Olympics, racing, tennis games and more! Even if he doesn’t get a place in the top three, Julian lets him know that he’s just as proud of him no matter what. The same goes for when he faces defeat, depending on how he needs to deal with it. Whether that’s by giving him space to vent out frustration alone or by being there to make sure that he’s comfortable and calm. He’ll happily look after him and help soothe him in any way he can because caring for him is one of his favorite things to do in general.

Since Eggman’s anger can get the best of him very often, he can be impulsively destructive as shown. Julian knows he doesn’t like to be disturbed during these times, so he has to just let him do his thing and keep the robots away so they don’t come in and bother him. He allows him to offload those feelings in any way that he needs to instead of bottling them up. Even if he needs to go and destroy things to achieve that.

Despite his durability, there are times where Eggman ends up with a few injuries after a fight or after another one of his tantrums that result in bloody knuckles from smashing things. Eggman would usually just leave it a bit before getting the plasters and bandages but Julian approaches him to get him cleaned up as soon as he can. Eggman acts grumpy about it and insists that he can do it himself but he’s actually glad that someone will aid him without patronizing him like his robots tend to do.

Julian can listen to Eggman talk about himself, his plans or absolutely anything for hours. It’s always in a way where he is still listening and not just daydreaming because he wants to take in his beauty and hear what he has to say. He can usually do both at the same time but sometimes he gets a little lost when it comes to the smart complicated stuff that he can’t understand. But he still loves to hear his words nonetheless. XD

Before they met, Julian had almost nothing and that’s why he was always bored. The danger in his life was the most exciting things which is one of the reasons why he developed his huge fascination with him in the first place. Eggman can easily provide everything that Julian was missing out on in life and he knows this. In fact, it’s a point that Eggman raised when he was trying to coax Julian into staying with him. That was at the time when he still thought he needed persuading in order to serve him and wasn’t certain that Julian’s loyalty was 100% genuine yet.

Eggman realized just how shitty Julian’s life was before he took him in as soon as he got to know him more personally. He likes how much he is credited for being Julian’s main motivation to go on. He also likes how easily he can please him in every aspect of his life because he seems to find everything so astonishing and amazing. His idea of casual fun or even just relaxing is such a big thing to Julian in comparison which amuses and surprises him.

Plus, despite all the cool things that living with Eggman has to offer, Julian only really expects the basic necessities to survive. His wealth and what he owns means nothing compared to what he likes about him as a person. He could lose everything (even his mustache!) and Julian would still stay. He isn’t sure how aware of this truth Eggman is but he lets him know of his importance to him whenever he can.

During the time where Julian was being searched for by the surviving members of his pack, Eggman would get especially protective without realizing it. But to Julian and any of the uninvited guests, his behavior was noticeably stranger than usual. He would get aggressive with them no matter their approach and he’d pull Julian in closer to let them know who it is that he belongs to. Once he’d gotten rid of them, he’d always make sure Julian knew that he’d never let them take him away from him. Never again would he have to return to his old, miserably boring life.

One of my other wolf characters by the name of Nimbus made the mistake of coming back a second time and managed to get him alone while Eggman was asleep. He was the only one that managed to slip past the defenses twice to get the chance to ask why Eggman seemed so possessive of him, finding it disturbing. But Julian likes it and his reaction the first time he guarded him like that was literally like that Marina meme lmao

Nimbus was also one of the first to learn that there was something deeper going on between them. Julian only told him so that he could reveal that he actually wanted to stay with Eggman and didn’t need rescuing. He then alerted him of Nimbus’ presence and Eggman arrived immediately to take him away to be punished personally for daring to return after his warning. Let’s just say that after his disappearance, the other members stopped trying to enter any of his bases for a long time. 👀

They have gone to places in disguise before and seeing Eggman’s deception and trickery in action is what helped Julian learn to become a better undercover spy. It gets the job done and they find it amusing when nobody figures them out, even when some say that Eggman looks strangely familiar at times. They have a lot of fun messing around and causing trouble for the hell of it too, so long as they don’t get caught or lose sight of the actual mission. Usually, they go it alone together but on one adventure they had, they were with my yet to be fully revealed human character, Lawrence.

Eggman can get flustered with the amount of praise Julian gives him so often. He can tell how genuine it is and how easily the words come to him with how he can find ways to compliment literally everything he does. It’s more flattering than he would admit because even though he’s constantly praising himself with his genuine self-confidence, Julian’s love is even enough to surprise him at times.

Eggman also very much appreciates Julian’s desire for an Eggman themed museum to exist. He’s already got a fairly big space that serves as a museum for his creations that he plans to expand upon. But now there are also plans to have one dedicated to the appreciation of his visage. Eggman already had a huge headstart on it with all the displays he has dedicated to his beautiful self already, of course. XD But there’s still so much more that he wants to do!

Julian loved the idea of getting to go to casinos and amusement parks ever since he heard that it’s what Eggman likes. He’d never been to any since he had been living in the small boring outskirts of Green Hill all his life. But one of the many reasons why he’s always anticipated Eggman’s rule over the world is because it would give him the opportunity to experience them in the best way. Everything is always best when it’s Eggman themed after all!

Eggman has of course been banned from multiple casinos but he has his own that are obviously far superior. Julian was thrilled when he was finally able to visit them along with the theme parks he has already had built to get a feel for Eggmanland. They go to them in their free time to have some fun and Eggman gets to show off the games/rides that he’s proud of!

[classlesstulip]

@levirc7 Ask and ye shall receive! (Also, a thank-you to @6-mcs-for-6-lis for the tag that started this!)

*****

It is the Annual Deep Cleaning Day, the one day each month that Tiberius got a bug up his butt and utterly TORE the house apart and scrubbed everything to within an inch of it's life.

Well, it's more like two days. One day cleaning, and one day spent putting everything back where it belongs, but Julian is considering it one day because it's a singular event.

While a loving and supportive husband, he would be lying through his teeth if he said he regrets not being able to help Ty out on such a Day. His job at the clinic, while he loves it, can really cut into their time together, and with Ty's job being a lot more flexable, it leaves the other man as something closer to a house husband than anything else. Julian at times feels sad that he can't be more hands-on.

Unless it's Deep Cleaning Day. He likes missing those days.

Unfortunately for him, he has this weekend off, and Ty will be putting him to good use.

Looking at the 'honey-do' list he was unceremoniously handed along with his morning coffee, he sipped the piping hot beverage (black with a splash of rum) as he tried to decide what to do first. He'll be leaving the clothes and bedding to Ty, the man is persnickety when it comes to their care, and wool needs to be handled a certain way or otherwise it would felt.

He learned that the hard way.

Hmm, the kitchen pantry needs to be reorganized. He could take stock of it as well, goddess knows that they're running low on a fair few things. Then he could tackle the cold box; some venison had leaked last week, and while he knows he cleaned it up thoroughly, it's always good to deep clean something like that frequently.

Decision made, Julian poured himself another cup, fortifying himself for the day ahead.

*****

With his sleeves rolled up and his hands elbow-deep in warm, sudsy water, Julian scrubbed clean the storage jar in his grasp. Once finished, he set it into the empty sinkbasin next to him before moving onto the next one.

The pantry was taken care of faster than he thought. After pulling everything out, he scrubbed the shelves clean and took note of what was depleated, he started seeing what things needed to be tossed or could be combined. Several herbs and spices that were near-gone got put into one jar and mixed up, with the knowledge that these particular ones would be great for the stews that Ty likes to do when the weather turns. Once that was taken care of, everything was put back and Julian then tackled washing up the empty storage containers.

Behind him, he could hear Ty cursing as he tried to wrangle one of their large area rugs. While not given a full deep-cleaning every time Deep Cleaning Day comes around, Ty does like to tackle them about once a season, if possible. The last few Days the weather hadn't been conductive for rug beatings, so Ty will need to do them all during this weekend; already, Julian could see the rug stand set-up near the back porch.

"Grrrromphf fucking rugs!"

Snickering, Julian pulled the plug. As the water drained from the left basin, he started rinsing out the clean items in the right. He could hear Ty dragging something heavy down the hall as he worked, laughing quietly to himself when he realised that Ty would have to stop what he was doing to prop open the back door.

*THUMP!* "DER VER'GIN DIRDLERS! *THUMPTHUMPTHUMP* *SCREE*

After plopping a chock in place, Ty stomped back to the rolled-up rug. Hefting it, he moved to the side, trying to drag more of the heavy decoration into the kitchen. He ended up sidling closer to Julian before he got an idea...

"Hey! Darling, I'm- ha haa!" Getting a hard bump to his butt, Julian nearly dropped the clay pot he was holding. At first thinking Ty hand bumped him by accident, he was soon proven wrong as the man repeatedly bumped their butts a few more times as he pulled the rug out the door. Julian had considered making it a more proper duel when Ty finished wriggling out the door, giggling like a naughty schoolboy who had just pranked their instructor.

If it's war the man wants, then war he will get!

*****

Juliam bided his time, waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike. While he didn't want anything to get inadvertently broken, he also refused to be the butt of any joke Ty may have had going through his squirrelly head.

Julian was quite caught-up in his thoughts, trying to firgure out how to get back at his husband as he stood in the livingroom, rehanging the drapes. He wanted to get them restrung and placed before Ty replaced the rug and furniture-

"Hey, babe?"

Julian just gave an absentminded hum, eyes squinting down at the drape that refused to cooperate.

"Can ya, like, move?"

"In a minute, lovely."

"Maybe...now?"

"Just one minUTE OH MY STARS!" With a startled squeak, Julian found himself suspended in the air, his back against Ty's side and shoulder as the taller man picked him up one armed, the other unrolling the rug with a harsh flick of his wrist.

All Julian could do was concentrate on breathing, the ease of Ty hefting him whilst also unrolling and moving a rug shooting straight to his groin. Going through the breathing exercises used for pain management, it took him nearly a full minute to realise that Ty had walked back to the kitchen.

"U-um, Ty," Julian's voice was weak and trembling. "Can you, ha, p-put me down, please?"

With his other hand on the backdoor, Ty paused with a blink. Looking over to his left, he noticed a fuchsia Julian, eyes wide as his two hands clutched a half-dressed curtain rod. "Oh, shit. Sorry, babe. Here," with a tilt he dropped his husband down on the kitchen floor. "Kinda forgot I had you for a second, there. Sorry!" Bending over, he dropped a quick peck to slack lips before going back outside; he still has a few rugs to beat.

Hyperventilating, Julian sunk to his knees, his back dragging down the side of the kitchen cabinets as he let out a sound similar to a tea kettle. After he buried his face in his hands with a whimper one of their dogs padded up, nosing him as she let out a concerned whine.

"Mania," he whispered. "Is it wrong that I want your Papa to crush me to smitherines?" He only got a confused rumble for an answer.

[eurydice-khthonios]

Despite it all, Asra always watched. He always did.

Their old friends would pile into Asra’s apartment and sit on the couch in the living room, turn the T.V. on and wait for the livestream to start. They’d watch as the camera panned over the water, whether it was grey and choppy or motion picture perfect waves and a sparkling blue. They listened intently for her name, hands grasping hands. Despite it all they supported her. Asra especially.

They could’ve gone to see it in person, too, of course. But they would never have of done that.

Asra wasn’t ready. But he had to see this. This was the big moment she’d been dreaming of for years, he had to at least see it if he couldn’t be there for her.

They sit packed together like sardines. Blankets thrown over laps and bowls of snacks on the armchairs or on the floor. They lean in towards the screen, watching as she paddles finally towards a wave she thinks is big enough. Watch as the new drone system for filming the competitions takes the viewers all in closer, to get a better look at her as she stands up on the board to ride the wave. The wave curling over her before she rides ahead of it, cutting through the water like a god of the ocean.

The drone moves in, and this is the closest Asra has seen of her face in a long time. Her eyes are still striking and he goes quiet while she’s on screen. She never used to wear her earrings out in the water. But she also used to wear the earrings he gave her. He didn’t recognise those.

The drone seems to stagger in the air, swooping dangerously close to her. Scarcely missing her head. He worries for a moment if it will get caught in her hair, if it’ll hurt her. She looks at the drone, frustration clear in her face. Asra lurches forward as it staggers and swoops again, tumbling through the air and she swats it away before it can collide with her. Just before it hits the water it catches her slipping from the board, the wave crashing over her. Before the line cuts, they see the board go up and collide with the side of her face. The world stops in its tracks for Asra when he sees the board fly up. He knows how bad that injury could potentially turn out, he’s gone with her to hospitals to visit friends who’d been injured out in the water. He’s gone to one or two funerals with her where someone had died due to a surfing accident. Every time he’s prayed that nothing like that ever happened to her. When was the last time he prayed for that?

The water crashes around her and the screen cuts back to the cameras on the shore, the livestream cuts as lifesavers rush out on their own boards towards where she’d been.

“Wait-- Why’d the stream cut? Why’d they cut it?” Asra sounds panicked even to his own ears, he tries to switch the channel to a different take but they all seem to have cut the stream. A few news channels were covering the event, but the sight of them makes Asra’s stomach twist. Like all they could carry is bad news.

“Asra? Asra, she’s going to be fine. There’s no way she got hurt, she’s a professional,” Someone tries to tell him, he can’t tell who. Too focused on the news casters in front of him on the screen.

“-- An ambulance is on the way to recover the surfer Eosphorus Dogmatiko after the new drone live stream system caused her to fall off her board--”

“Oh no,” Someone else says, and almost immediately Asra gets off the couch. He grabs his keys off the table-- six years and he still hadn’t managed to take her spare inhaler off of the keychain-- by the door and is running for the parking lot before anyone can stop him. Julian stands up to go after him, Nadia catches his arm to stop him.

His heart is racing inside of his chest as he books it down the stairs and towards the underground parking lot. How bad could that injury be? He’s seen her with bruises before, with cuts and aches from fighting or accidents. He’s seen her friends with deep cuts from their boards when things go wrong and he’s terrified of the same thing happening to her.

They’d both been clear that they wouldn’t be in each other’s lives again. That they couldn’t, even if they wanted to. There was too much travelling, too much dedication to other more important things.

His hands shook as he tried to get his key into the ignition, missing the mark a few times before he got it in and started the engine.

They hadn’t been angry when they had broken up. By then they’d just been resigned to the fact their lives pulled them away from each other more than it pushed them together. They’d gotten over the anger individually where the other couldn’t see. Maybe that is where they went wrong.

He didn’t want to think on it now.  

The car started up and as he began to reverse out of his park the radio turned on. Already tuned over to one of the local stations. His grip on the steering wheel going tight when he hears Eos’ name again on the lips of someone who could never be as worried as he was about this.

‘The professional surfer appears to have of sustained injuries after a drone died during her heat. There are reports of injuries to the head, back, and legs from the board and impact against the seabed-’

“Shut up,” an angry mutter comes from him as he jerks the volume all the way down.

He didn’t even know where she would be. At the beach still? By the sounds of it they should be taking her to a hospital. What if there was water in her lungs? Or permanent damage to her spine?

What if she died?

When he first met Eos, she seemed like the kind of person who was always out of death’s reach. Out in the water or fresh out of it she exuded confidence as deep as the ocean she loved. They’d been younger when they’d met, still in high school and she wasn’t given the opportunity to surf professionally yet.

They’d barely noticed each other in school before they’d met at the beach. She’d come out of the water, illuminated gold under the sun and he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. She’d noticed the staring, laughed at his embarrassment and didn’t go back into the water. Too distracted with conversation, too invested in meeting him.

They’d been inseparable. For a time.

His chest tightened at the memory. Shaking himself out of it and jerking the steering wheel as he almost missed his turn off the main road. He had to stop thinking. He can feel the impact of his tears on his shirt. He hadn’t even realised he’d started crying.

She’s on the other side of the country and he’s wasting time being nostalgic. He needs to get on a plane, he needs to be there now. His phone starts ringing in his pocket but he’s busy, he pulls into the airport’s car park and runs. Not caring what happens to his car. Someone could take it, destroy it, but it wouldn’t matter as long as he reached Eos before it was too late.

His phone keeps ringing. It’s Julian. He runs into the airport, he just needs a last minute ticket. There was always one, always one. He just needs to get onto the plane. The world around him is muted and time doesn’t move right. The phone keeps ringing. It’s Nadia. Then Muriel. He hurries for a desk, any desk. Asks for tickets he’ll pay anything to get on a plane. There’s one in an hour, he has to hurry. It’ll take just over three hours to get there. He has to hurry. The phone keeps ringing until he turns it off and boards his last minute flight.

He doesn’t remember the last time he was this worried, or if he’s ever been this worried at all. It sends pains through his heart and his shoulders start to shake when they’re in the air. His face buried in his hands to hide it away from anyone nearby. Contorting as he tried to hold back all of his tears and his need to scream at the entire situation.

Asra shouldn’t go to her. They weren’t together, they didn’t talk. Surely she had friends who should go see her instead, even her brother might go see her. Eos wouldn’t want to see an ex-boyfriend. There were people who were bothered, and she bothered with.

They’d spent years together before they parted ways, he couldn’t just ignore it. He couldn’t ignore the fact she is hurt, and certainly couldn’t ignore the voice in the back of his head that kept telling him she’d probably already died or gone into a coma she wouldn’t wake up from.

“She’s not dead,” He mutters to himself, hands moving to the back of his head and gripping his hair. “This is Eos, nothing can kill her.” She’d always seemed invincible out in the water. It was her element.

He’d held her as she clutched him and cried, but not once did it seem like she could hold that same weakness when she was out in the water. No one could look at her and guess that she’d been unable to sleep for fear of her constant nightmares and that she could only sleep when she heard his voice on the phone.

He wondered how she dealt with her nightmares now. She’d always wanted to go surfing at night, maybe that’s what she did.

“Hey, are you alright?” A voice startles him out of his thought cycle, whites of his eyes tinged red when he looks up to see a concerned face. His vision is blurry, he can’t tell who it is that’s speaking to him but he talks before his brain can have the chance to tell him to shut up.

“My wi-” Not his wife, he never proposed, why didn’t he? “Girl-” They’re not together anymore and he can’t keep forgetting that. “I…” He takes a deep breath and it shudders through him. He swallows, trying to clear the saliva from his mouth. “Someone dear to me was in an accident today, I- I’m flying to see her.”

The stranger offers a hushed collection of condolences before awkwardly ignoring him. Maybe he prefers it that way. Being left alone would be preferable to spilling the beans on how he was running after an ex he’d left so long ago. That she probably wouldn’t even want him there. Want him at all. Even after all his time, that thought broke his heart.

The last time they’d spoken to each other had been by chance. A coincidence that they ran into each other. They barely said hello before Eos brushed passed him. He’d wanted to reach out, to take her hand. Asra just wanted to know how she was, if she’d been okay because she looked too thin. She was too far when realised he just wanted to hear more of her voice. So he let her leave. He took it as a sign, to move on.

Yet, here he was on a plane heading right for her as soon as she was in trouble.

It seems he hadn’t moved on after all. Always ready to jump right back into the fire for her. If he were to be honest with himself, there was no place he’d rather be if he was just allowed to see her.

He didn’t need anything in return.

It’s three and a half hours of waiting. Of being unable to check for news and of chastising himself for doing this on a whim. ‘She wouldn’t want me there,’ he thinks to himself as the plane begins to land, ‘She’s moved on.’

He doesn’t even know what hospital she’s in. The plane lands and the world is a blur as he rushes out the front, turning his phone back on so he could call a cab or see if there was any news on where she’d been taken. He had plenty of missed calls and texts to open. But all he wanted was to figure out where Eos was.

A news article told him eventually, and it was all he could do to keep himself patient and wait for a taxi as opposed to running there on foot.

Despite it all, he’s a little excited to see Eos again. Perhaps he thinks it’ll be a fairytale reunion, he’ll be there for her in a dark hour and they’ll remember why they loved each other in the first place. Perhaps he will have flashbacks of every time she’s laughed, of her ‘I love you’s, and the way her eyes would light up when she found something she thought he’d like. And she would have her own flashbacks. Of her favourite moments with him, of how he had made her feel. Maybe he just wanted this to be a catalyst to fall in love again. A purely selfish desire.

“Why am I doing this?” He whispers to himself in the back of the taxi. After all these years how can he still love her this much? After knowing that their lives, their schedules, their goals were forcing them apart. How could he keep loving her when for all he knew she had not done the same?

This might not change a thing between them, this might make her think worse of him. He’ll risk that to make sure she’s okay, that she knows she’s loved. For all he knows her family could be with her, in truth he knows how unlikely that is. Her brother, should they be on good terms this month, was probably off doing his own thing. And Eos would rather die than let her parents into the same hospital room as she was. If she’s conscious enough to stop them.

If she’s alive.

The thought stabs through his stomach, slicing at his insides. This was Eos, she had to be alive. She could face down a shark and survive. She could face down a pack of sharks and come out with bruises at worst. That’s what he always thought. Even she wasn’t indestructible it seemed.

He pays the taxi and hurries towards the hospital’s reception. He needs to find out where she is, what room she is in and what is happening to her. His palms getting sweaty as he walks up to the desk. What could he say? That he was an ex-boyfriend who flew across the entire country just to make sure someone he hadn’t spoken to in years was alright? If they were in their right minds they’d call the police.

That leaves a bad taste in his mouth.

He’ll have to make something up. A concerned friend, a family friend. Something reasonable.

He puts his hands on the edge of the desk, palms against the side and fingers bent on top of it.

“I’m looking for Eosphorus Dogmatiko’s room, I was told she’d be here?” As he says it, he worries that she isn’t that an online article was just guessing at where she would be. Or that she’s told them of him for some reason so that they wouldn’t let him in.

“Your name and identification?” The receptionist holds out a hand, the other tapping on the computer in front of them. He can only hope it’s the pull up the room number.

“Oh- Asra, I’m her bo-” He pauses, and pretends that it’s so he can dig through his pocket for his driver’s license. He just can’t help himself, can he. He can’t let go. But he’s already committed to saying it. “Boyfriend, sorry, here.” He holds the card out.

“Hm,” The receptionist looks it over and hands it back to him, he holds his breath while he waits. Hoping to pass their inspection. “She’s on the third level, two-eight-five, wing A.”

He books it for the elevator before his mild lie can even have the chance to be called into question. The elevator doesn’t move fast enough. He needs to see her now. She has a room, she can’t be dead and the receptionist hadn’t said she was on death’s door either.

“Please, please, please, please,” He murmurs and taps his fingers impatiently against the wall of the elevator. “Come on, move faster.” He needs her alive and within his sight like he needs air right now. He feels guilty every time he thinks it, but it’s true. She’s still too important. She’s always been too important. He’s been told that.

The elevator opens and he’s out in less than a second, halfway down the hallway looking for signs to indicate where he should go.

When he finds her room, his breath is taken away as he stands in the doorway. Her back is facing away. But he could recognise the black to purple hair anywhere, also the number was on the door which helped tremendously. She’s sitting awkwardly, and he can see through the back of the hospital gown the stitches along her back. They looked bad, just barely centimeters away from where her spine would be. Her ribs showing more than he was used to.

He steps into the room and he sees she’s holding a mirror, sees the slight shake in her shoulders. He can’t see her face. He knows she’s crying.

“Eos?” His voice is soft as he steps closer. He doesn’t know what to say, he didn’t think of it on the way here. Yet, seeing her alive and moving lifted a terrible weight off of his heart. She was alive.

She turns partially towards him, mirror clutched to her chest now. As though she can hide whatever she was looking at. He almost expected her to get angry. He knew she had a temper sometimes. The way her brother and her argued over the smallest of things showed that. When she was angry she had a mouth that could make a sailor blush. He loved it.

She isn’t angry. Nowhere near it. She sees him and he sees her face start to scrunch up into her crying face which she always claimed she hated. He steps closer and she reaches her hand out for him.

He says nothing and keeps his arms low beneath her injuries when he sits down on the bed beside her and hugs her. Keeping her face mostly turned out of his sight. Her fingers clutch at his shirt in a way so familiar it hurts. She’s smaller than he remembers. Or seems that way in this hospital room.

“Asra,” her voice is small, as small as she seems and as small as she feels. There is hurt in her voice, disappointment, heartbreak all aimed at herself. But relief too. Relief in saying his name and holding him. This day was supposed to be her day, the day she got to perform at her utmost best in front of her father and show she never needed him to do any of this. Instead, a new way to film the events had ruined that.

“I’m here, habibti,” He murmurs into her ear through her hair. “I’m here, I’m here.” She shudders and shivers against him. He pulls back from her, and he can feel her unwillingness to let go so he won’t see her. His hand moves up to her chin, holding it gently between his thumb and finger. “Show me, let me see.”

“You don’t want to,” Her own hand moves up to cover half of her face, fingers spread over her eye socket. When she touches her wound, she hisses. Almost retracting her hand before letting it float just above her skin. “You don’t want to see it.”

He lets go of her chin to take hold of her wrist, not pulling or pushing her hand away but just holding it. There’s something she doesn’t want him to see. Obviously, no points for guessing that. Eos has shown him she can be vain when it comes to her own appearance, but scars could heal. How bad was it?

“Eos, please,” He hates seeing her like this. She used to project an energy that made her seem bigger than life, louder than anything. But she’s too small now. The light dimmed. He understands. She spent years working up to this moment, and now she was injured and faced with someone she’d left behind and been left behind by. He shouldn’t have come, but no one else was here.

She looks about ready to cry again, but she takes a deep breath and steels herself. Her hand lowers and she tilts her face towards him.

The original injury, from her board, cut across the left side of her face. The skin discoloured in reds, blues, and purples, the bruising already beginning. Along with some swelling around the wound. The worst part might be the way it cut across her eye. Just barely sparing her from blindness or losing the eye completely. It cuts down her jaw, her neck, her collar bone. It would scar, with the amount of flesh that’d been cut out by the impact. A permanent reminder of today.

“It’s awful isn’t it?” Her voice cuts through his shock with acrid bitterness. Not aimed at him, he knew when it was after more than a few incidents of him purposely eating her food she was saving. “Just what I always wanted, isn’t it?”

“Habibti,” He cups her uninjured cheek in his hand and before he can think about it he kisses her forehead. His heart skipping when he realises what he did. “I-”

“Six years,” She interrupts, pulling back from him and wrapping her arms around herself. Knees coming up to curl slightly, but by the expression on her face the wounds on her legs and back protest that action. “Six years and this is how you get to see me, bruised and bloodied and a fucking failure.”

“Eos, that’s not-”

“Don’t even start, Asra, how many months did we spend apart when we were together for me to even start on my way to get to here, along with those six fucking years without seeing you at fucking all just to end up wiping out?” He sees her fingers tighten and clench. Gripping at herself, nails digging in. He brings his arms around her shoulders and neck, pulling her against him.

Yes, there had been months of barely seeing her and having her main focus be her surfing career. And he’d hated those months. He didn’t need all of her attention, just some of it.

“I fucked it all up. I wasted too much time on this fucking cunt competition shit. I lost my friends, I lost all my other opportunities, I lost you,” She takes a deep breath and her arms unwind from herself. Hands instead just gently pinching the hemline of his shirt. “I lost you and now you’re here or I’ve got a real bad concussion. I have nothing to show for everything I lost. Nothing but some dumbshit scar.” She huffs, shaking her head slightly. “I don’t even know why you’re here, or how you’re here. You’ve got better things to do, Asra.”

He runs his hands through her hair, carefully detangling it before he responds.

“I was watching the livestream of the competition,” He’d been waiting for it the entire week, oddly nervous, excited, and hesitant all at the same time. “I saw what happened and I just- I knew I had to make sure you were alright.” She pulls back from him, and as he speaks he plays with her hair. Unable to not be familiar enough to touch her like this. “I just… Christ, Eos, I thought you might be dead. I got on a plane and flew here, I knew I just couldn’t live with myself if I stayed away after seeing what I did.”

Her expression falls as he talks. Moves on from bitter and anger at herself. For the first time in a very long time, he sees in her eyes the exact look she gave him every time he said he loved her.

“I’m alive,” She says and closes her eyes. When she smiles, he sees the beginning of the light she had start to come back. “You were watching me.”

“I always watch you.”

Six years, and it was too easy to fall back into simple small touches. Her hand rests on his thigh, fingers just creeping on the inside of his leg and he brushes hair away from her face, twisting it around his finger. He should stop touching her, he shouldn’t be so close or even be here at all.

“I always watch you,” He says again, voice soft. “Every single time.”

He doesn’t know who leans forward first, but the kiss they share is soft and chaste. He can taste her blood when he licks his lips after they pull away, but it’s the least of his concerns. They don’t know what to say to each other after that, they just wait in silence.

It’d been six years since they’d last seen each other, both of them knew exactly why it hadn’t worked out the last time they were together. But they still have feelings for each other. Six years and not a sign of life from either one, and they still loved each other.

He walks her out of the hospital when she’s discharged. They don’t hold hands, but her little finger links with his and right now it’s the closest they should get for a while.

“They’re probably worried about you, y’know,” She says finally as they wait for a taxi to arrive. He doesn’t say anything. He knows he should’ve told someone, Muriel or Nadia, that he was going on a spontaneous trip across the country. And judging by the texts and calls he’d gotten they were worried, or pissed, probably both. “You should tell them where you are.”

“I know,” He rubs the back of his neck with his free hand, guilt building in his stomach. “I’ll get you home first.”

They stand there until the taxi comes. Not daring to say a word more. Afraid that if they do, they’ll commit to something they realistically can’t. Asra doesn’t want to tear Eos away from her surfing. Eos doesn’t want to pin him down when he’d rather be somewhere else. Just like last time.

They keep quiet until they’re at her apartment door, she reaches to open it but she hesitates. Hand shaking slightly.

“Am I going to see you again after this?” She asks, keeping her face bowed and body towards the door.

“What?”

“I- Asra, am I going to see you again after you go? You came here to make sure I didn’t die, and I’m fine. I- I don’t want to think that- I don’t want to think that I’ll have you again just to not see you again when you go back home.” He reaches out, hesitating before he wraps his arms around her waist. Avoiding touching her back but hugging her all the same. When they’d broken up, despite his resignation to it, he was devastated. He wanted to take it all back, but she’d seemed just as sure about it as he thought he’d been. He’d wanted a second chance, and didn’t get one for six years.

Now he got one, but only because she’d gotten hurt. What if she hadn’t? Would he have just watched it like any other competition, looking on from the sidelines and never taking the leap to see her? Or, what if he had taken the chance to go see her, would it have been like this?

He could take another chance right now. To solidify it all, to show that he could put the effort in again. He could let her know right now that he was going to show her that he loved her again. The idea of it frightens him as much as it titillates him.

He retracts an arm and puts his hand on her shoulder before spinning her around. He hasn’t had the chance to kiss her properly in six years, and the one at the hospital hadn’t been enough. Their teeth clash when he kisses her and he shivers when he feels her tongue against his. She’s crying again, he can taste the saltiness of her tears. Her nails dig into his shoulders to keep him close.

He doesn’t know if this will last like he wants it to. But he wants to try loving her again, he wants to do it properly this time.

And she does too.

[chocolatecarstairs]

i just finished qoaad and i have a lot to say!

buckle up kids, this is gonna be a long and bumpy ride!

finished reading as of 4:37 am 12/6/2018

1. I AM SO PISSED AT JAIME! like beyond pissed. i get it dru technically lied to you. (a lie by omission. and not even a huge one at that.) but there was literally no need for you to essentially abandon her. especially after all that “she’s like a little sister to me” and “no matter what age she is we’re friends” bullshit. did you even mean any of that? or were you just saying it to get her brother off your back? honestly, she did so much for you. she hid you in london, brought cristina to you even though cristina could’ve told her brothers and gotten her in trouble, she risked quite a bit of her own personal safety and that of her family to sneak into the gard prison and bust not just you but also your brother and his friends out. but at the end of the day you can’t even be bothered to come and visit her every once in a while? drop in, say hi, ask her about how her life is going? obviously, she should’ve told you how old she was, but she seriously made up for it time and time again after you found out. you also seemed to want to be near her in idris when the battle was going on. you said goodbye to her before you went to fight, you protected her when she had to go out to the field, and you were going to go with her to save jules and emma before you saw that diego was hurt. what the hell changed in between that and the wedding? you’re being a fake friend and i don’t like it.

2. I AM SO PISSED AT KIT! admittedly less pissed than i am at jaime. but pissed nonetheless. i get that ty didn’t respond to you telling him you loved him. he probably didn’t realize you meant it the way you did. for god’s sake, he’s autistic, kit! and obviously, he should never have been trying to raise livvy from the dead, but you should have told him as much! you should have gone to jules or mark or helen or literally anyone instead of letting it go as far as it did. i mean did you really think trying to stop him in the middle of the spell was going to work? honestly, kit! not to mention you leaving! tessa and jem are amazing people. they’re going to love you and nurture you and you’ll get to be around their baby! i would be happy for you. IF YOU’D GONE WITH THEM BECAUSE YOU REALLY WANTED TO. all it would’ve taken was a conversation with ty. just one. you could’ve told him how you felt. if he didn’t feel the same way then, sure, you could’ve gone with tessa and jem. but it’s entirely possible that he would have. not to mention you at least owed him and dru and explanation or a goodbye. and, no, staring creepily at them from a distance at the wedding does not count as a goodbye! neither does making jem explain it for you. ty lost his twin. he was going through so much. he was obviously not himself. you were someone who was supposed to get him through that and instead you abandoned him without so much as a goodbye or a see you later. hmph. and poor drusilla. she wanted friends, kit, that was it. her oldest brothers were too busy trying to save the world and take care of her to have a true sibling relationship with her. her older sisters were either dead, or had literally just come back from five years in exile. her younger brother was too young and innocent to be any kind of true friend to her yet. and ty, the only sibling she has left that is close enough to her age to be her friend, wouldn’t let her in. she thought she’d found that in you! you taught her how to pick locks, you were teaching her how to con, you were beginning to think of her as a younger sister! and suddenly, when you can’t imagine having a relationship with ty anymore, all thoughts of the relationship you were forming with dru go out the window? god, kit. even if you were going to leave. even if you didn’t want to see ty. you could have seen dru. you could have told her you had to leave and said goodbye to her. told her that you were sorry. asked her to pass the message along to ty. making jem do it was weak, and you know it. i want to be happy for you, but you’re making it really freaking hard.

3. can we talk about the parabatai curse for a second? first things first, the heavenly fire! i’m honestly pretty surprised i was right about that one. i was so, so, so worried that the curse would actually turn them into angels. i did not want that to happen. i obviously had no clue that it would make them grow into giant, fiery, death machines, but alas. i think the whole true nephilim thing was kind of cool, actually. it’s also kind of crazy that the parabatai bond is so strong that when one of the parabatai turned into a true nephilim the other one followed. i honestly still can’t really believe it. i had a pretty hard time picturing emma and julian the size of skyscrapers crushing the cohort, but i found it kind of entertaining. i also almost cried when helen, ty, dru, and tavvy talked to them to bring them back. even cristina, kieran, and aline had things to say to them. it was a really touching scene. i’m also super proud of dru for being able to lead her family and convince them that they needed to help emma and julian. she’s grown so much since lady midnight (but more on that later). the fact that becoming true nephilim broke their parabatai bond is one of the easiest conclusions of any plot in shadowhunter history. especially one that was one of the main plots of a series. i’m so happy for jules and emma. i wish we could see more of them on their travel year. and i hope in twp they’ll be like jace and clary were in tda.

4. kieran kingson to kieran king of the unseelie court. honestly, i expected this one. i didn’t think cassie was going to give us a full-blown polyamorous relationship in all its day-to-day glory. kieran is going to make an amazing king. i’ve loved his character development over the course of the series. we watched him turn from a jealous member of the wild hunt, to a disgraced and begrudgingly helpful prince, to a remorseful and loving faerie, and finally, to a proud and kind king. i’m glad he can still be with cristina and mark in adaon’s cottage, but i almost wish it hadn’t ended this way. i feel bad that he can’t be happy in faerie and that mark and cristina will feel like something is missing whenever they are together without him in the mortal world. it’s bittersweet but more sweet than bitter.

5. i love julian blackthorn. i genuinely did not even know there were people out there who didn’t love him with their entire hearts and souls. i didn’t even know that there was so much controversy around him until i got into the tda tumblr fandom. i am almost never mad at him. almost. the whole ‘no feelings’ thing got old fast. i was pissed at magnus for performing the spell in the first place and i was mega-pissed at jules for requesting it and asking magnus to do it even once he’d heard of the consequences. i hated no feelings julian. it was so sad for me to see the julian i know and love, specifically because he cares so hard and so deeply, lose all his love and compassion. he literally turned into the julian antis like to picture him as. manipulating emma using sex and her desire/love for him was not cool. killing dane was not cool. not to mention, ty needed him. ty was totally broken after livvy’s death. he was holding himself together with some crazy plan to raise her from the dead. he needed julian to tell him he would be okay and to help piece his world back together. obviously, there were times julian literally couldn’t be there for him like when he was in faerie or thule. but when he got back he had a few opportunities to help his brother that he missed because of the stupid spell. this is the only time i’ve ever been genuinely mad at or disappointed in jules. it was painful.

6. let’s talk about thule. crazy to see sebastian’s vision for the world come to a reality. even crazier that he was in this series at all. thule proved that tessa is the strongest warlock of all time and that church is significant to the plot after all. cameron turns out to be a nice dude. diana is openly trans. raphael is alive and kind of funny and lovable (”vampires excel at ispy”). julian was temporarily free of the spell and the parabatai bond didn’t exist. i kind of loved thule. but there were sad and hard parts too. everyone is basically dead. people who haven’t sworn loyalty to sebastian are chased around and hunted by demons for fun. tessa gave her life to finally defeat sebastian. and poor thule!livvy. having to live in a world all by herself. helen is presumably and almost certainly dead. same with dru. julian and emma were endarkened and now they’re dead (nice to see that julian would literally kill himself, in this case thule!julian for his family, though). tavvy was taken and for sure killed by a demon. that same demon slit ty’s throat and thule!livvy held him as he died. she had to make the hard a terrible decision to let cameron, her boyfriend and probably one of the only people she had left, die trapped in the silent city forever. and she couldn’t go with jules and emma back to earth. as much as i knew it was going to happen, it was still terrible and heart-wrenching to see them seperated again. her letter to ty was one of the few moments in the book that made me cry. the fact that ty didn’t even bother much with it really bothered me. ”i love you. i love you. i love you.” it will forever break my heart and also be one of my favorite lines from the entire series. i really do hope that thule!livvy and ty somehow meet in twp. i need them both to get some closure more than i can say.

7. ty. my poor, beautiful ty. he had a really amazing facade throughout pretty much the entire book. i genuinely believed he was okay for a while. but when kit kept mentioning the bruises on his hands, i knew something was up. when dru went into his room and found it a complete mess, with books and clothes everywhere and furniture destroyed, my heart literally cracked in my chest. my baby ty did not deserve the pain he was feeling. i wish he’d gotten more help from kit, or dru, or helen. i wish julian hadn’t been such an idiot with that spell, so he could’ve been there for ty like he deserved. seeing him so distraught made me almost happy that he brought back livvy’s ghost.

8. i’m a little confused about the whole livvy’s ghost thing. the way i read it, ty ripped a hole in the fabric between the world of the living and the world of the dead. but i literally read the entire last 300 pages in like two hours, so i don’t think i totally absorbed everything. (i’ll go back through it all on the reread). basically, if that’s the case, wouldn’t livvy be able to come and go between the worlds as she pleased? what about other ghosts? this is almost definitely tying into the plot of twp. the same way the emma and jules deciding to become parabatai tied into tda. i wish that he hadn’t raised her ghost, because livvy really deserved to rest peacefully. i just hope he has some nice times with livvy’s ghost before he probably has to get rid of her. hopefully, dru can learn to see her too. (also can we talk about her ghost coming to jules during the livia’s watch meeting? broke my heart)

9. dru really grew up right before our eyes, didn’t she? she went from a sort of shy, timid little girl who wanted nothing more than to join the fight to a strong young woman who knew her worth and learned that fighting in battle isn’t always what makes you brave. she went on her own and broke the prisoners out of the gard. and when everyone was going to battle, she stayed behind with tavvy to keep him safe and comfort him.  when jaime was being an ass (still mad at him by the way) she didn’t make herself into someone she wasn’t to try to make him happy. i’m really proud of dru. i can’t wait for her to go to the new shadowhunter academy, make some new friends. kick jaime’s ass for being a dick, and more in the wicked powers.

10. diego becoming inquisitor was probably one of the things i least expected from queen, but i can’t say i’m mad about it. i honestly think its the perfect job for him. i’m happy to see he’s moved on from cristina and didn’t die like i thought he would. he’s really grown on me throughout the series. i went from not really liking him, to hating him, to pitying him, to loving and respecting him as a character. i can’t wait to see what he does as inquisitor and how he help’s move the new clave-in-exile forward. speaking of which, alec as consul. wow. i am so proud of my little baby. he really does deserve the world. he is going to do amazing things for the clave and bring them forward to be more a more caring, accepting, and diverse group of people. i’m so happy that he’s now in the position to make the changes he wants to see in the world. like downworlder-shadowhunter marriages. speaking of which, the malec wedding! i am so happy for the two of them! it is so incredibly cute that alec surpirsed magnus with a wedding ceremony. and that he was so nervous to propose (even though they were already basically married anyways). it was so beautiful. jace as alec’s suggenes. catarina as magnus’. the fireworks. ugh. goals right there. it was also so sweet that kieran came and the hot faerie threesome reunited. and that emma and julian got to be together for real, in public, happily. the whole thing about the blackthorn kids freaking out whenever they found them kissing in the institute hallways was the cutest thing. it made me all warm and fuzzy. i was kind of happy to see that livvy’s ghost was there with ty, but i just hope that she isn’t always there and that ty will eventually learn to live without her. kit staring at him from a distance was sad and creepy. and i’m lowkey pissed that jem and tessa weren’t at the wedding. wtf is that guys? so rude. otherwise super cute, super fun, super happy way to end the book. i approve. 10/10.

11. i can’t believe that alec offered mark and cristina positions on the downworlder-shadowhunter alliance. this is like a dream come true for cristina and i’m so happy for her. i also really hope it will help mark reconcile the differences he feels from other shadowhunters, including his own family, and hopefully, he will feel less torn between the worlds of faeries and mortals. i’m also glad mark and cristina will be staying together. when i heard cristina was going back to mexico, i was very disappointed. her travel year was nowhere near over and i’d hoped she would’ve stayed in los angeles or her and mark would’ve gone with emma and jules. i’m really glad that her and mark will at least be together and get to grow as a couple. it is bittersweet though because it means that the blackthorns are growing apart. jules and emma are going on a (well-deserved) travel year, mark is moving to new york, cristina is going with him. ty is heading to the sholomance, next time we see dru she’ll be at the academy in new york. they’re doing what a normal family does as it grows, and going their separate ways, but it's still so hard to watch it happen when part of what i love about them is that they’re such a tight-knit group. i’m just glad that they’ll all have the institute to return to whenever they want.

12. haline really tugged at my heartstrings this time around. i’ve gotta say, i was fully prepared to not totally like aline. she wasn’t much of an important or defining character to me in tmi and what i did see of her was just kind of eh to me. when cassie released that frittata snippet i was so ready not to like her. i have a major blind spot when it comes to my blackthorn babies, and if anyone even sort of messes with them i am 100% ready to rip their heads off. but i actually really loved aline. she was badass and sensitive and funny and independent and caring all at the same time. seeing her with helen was honestly so cute. their relationship was amazing. i’m so glad they had each other while they were on wrangel island and helped each other adjust to being back. ugh hope to see more of them in la soon. hope they have their baby and tavvy won’t be the baby of the family anymore. i hope they’re only happy for the rest of their lives.

13. i honestly wish the cohort had died. like i was lowkey cheering giant fiery jules and emma on as they slowly, brutally murdered them one by one. they’re awful, bigoted, terrible people and i can’t stand them. zara is one of the worst. i honestly wish emma had killed her. in front of the institute, in battle, i don’t care. i just wish she was dead. she actually deserved it. stabbing emma in the back was one of the lowest moves she ever could have pulled. and all because she was throwing a tantrum that the sword she stole from emma was taken back by emma. when cortana chose emma i was probably the happiest i could be reading the book. emma deserved it and cortana knew it. i do have to say i was in shock that the cohort threatened to kill themselves when alec was elected. and even more shocked that the entire clave left alicante and idris to the cohort. i am sad that the shadowhunters lost their beloved home country. i knew that the cohort was going to gain some kind of power and that they weren’t going anywhere, but this is something i did not expect at all. i have high hopes for the clave-in-exile. alec has already been so good and kind. he changed the laws to allow shadowhunters and downworlders to get married. he praised and accepted diana for being trans and strives to educate himself on transgender people and shadowhunters and what exactly being trans means. hopefully, this kind of open-mindedness and acceptance of others and their differences will stem into the whole of the neurodiverse shadowhunter community. people. like ty, who have autism, or adhd, or dyslexia, or depression and anxiety. the subtle mentions of these things without naming them throughout tda really showed how ignorant the clave is to these kinds of people. (speaking as someone who has add and was ignored for a long time) it isn’t an easy feat to know there is something wrong or different about you but not have anyone acknowledge it. hopefully, alec will learn about the mundane treatments and coping mechanisms for the many neurodivergent shadowhunters out there and allow them the tools thet need to suceed.

14. when annabel died i cheered. i know it seems awful, but the image of julian severing her spine and stabbing her through the heart made me warm and fuzzy inside. my baby avenged his baby livia. AND thule!livvy was there to watch. a truly beautiful moment. i do not feel bad for annabel in the slightest. at first, she was so tortured and sad that i felt for her. even, a little bit, after she killed livvy. i would think, well the cohort was what drove her over the edge or maybe she wouldn’t have done it if her mind wasn’t so destroyed from malcolm’s spells.  but no. she proved that she was lucid and sane enough to manipulate and lie and deceive time and time again. in the unseelie court and in thule. when jules finally got to take of the rag with livvy’s blood on it and throw it onto her dying body i did a little dance. annabel deserved the death she got. and livvy deserved someone to avenge her. but what happened to the black volume? at first, i thought it would stay in thule forever, but if thule!jace and ash could make it into the seelie courts, then it stands to reason that there is another portal open somewhere and that the black volume can be brought back to the seelie queen. i have a feeling we’ll be seeing more of the black volume and necromantic magic in twp. also, can we talk about the fact that the black volume is the dark artifices? it makes sense considering the fact that it has been a major part and plot point of the entire series, but i felt like it was a little underhyped. the seelie king was like oh the black volume aka the dark artifices and then we never talked about it again. i don’t know is that just me?

15. clary is alive! i, for one, genuinely thought she was going to die. the fact that her dreams of herself dying were visions of what was happening in thule seemed kind of cheap. like there was a ton of build up for absolutely no reason. then again, her dreams really were only mentioned, like, once in the series before qoaad and really not much in queen. we really just hyped it all up a lot as a fandom, so i guess we shouldn’t have expected more. but i am glad she is alive because that means her and jace are getting married! when jace said he wanted six or eight kids because of the blackthorns, i cried a little inside. so cute! cassie better give us the clace wedding and not just fast forward to twp where they will already be married and chasing around a while expecting another baby (i am speaking this into existence). speaking of weddings that we need to see in writing, sizzy! my babies are happy! i have shipped sizzy since day one, guys. day one. if i am robbed of a sizzy wedding i will riot and it will not be pretty. 

16. that epilogue though! i was not expecting it. i was confused for a littke while. in the back of my mind, i was wondering how ash would even tie into twp if he was in thule. now i know. thule!jace is crazy. i have a feeling there will be an epic showdown between him and normal jace which will be super interesting. i have a feeling thule!jace is a lot like what our jace was like when he was linked to sebastian. considering he basically has been for quite some time and apparently, there is no going back. hopefully someone kills the seelie queen in twp and someone better can take over the trone bc that bitch has been getting on my nerves since day one.

17. ty is going to the sholomance and i’m so happy for my little baby. the sholomance is going to have great teachers, like catarina and ragnor, and ty is going to learn so much. kit is with tessa and jem and, while i’m still super pissed at him and upset he isn;t with ty, i am so glad he’s going to have parents for once in his life. parents who are loving and kind and caring. and he’ll get to hang out with baby carstairs (hopefully a boy named will. i’m speaking that one into existence too.). dru is going to make new friends. tavvy is going to grow up. helen and aline are going to have a baby, so all our faves will be aunts/uncles. ugh, i cannot wait for the wicked powers you guys have no idea!

this is basically it! if you guys want to hear my opinions on anything else, or you have any questions for me about any part of the book my asks are always open! i seriously love when you guys send me asks, so please do!

[weerd1]

Star Trek DS9 Rewatch Log, Stardate 1907.29: Missions Reviewed, “Hippocratic Oath” and “The Visitor.”

In “Hippocratic Oath,” O’Brien and Bashir crash a runabout in the Gamma Quadrant only to find themselves captured by a squad of Jem’Hadar. Rather than immediately kill them, the squad leader reveals he has actually brought his men here as he himself had been stranded on this planet four years before and it cured his addiction to Ketracel White- the drug all Jam’Hadar are programmed genetically to crave and to perish without.

 He asks Julian to see if he as a Doctor can find out how that cure can be passed to the other soldiers. Meanwhile on DS9, Worf sees Quark is plotting to buy illegal goods and can’t understand why Odo isn’t doing more.  Worf decides to handle it himself after twice confronting Odo. While arresting them, Odo reveals he was actually there the whole time, working with Quark oddly enough, to break up the larger smuggling ring. Now, due to Worf’s interference, they have to settle for the small fish.  Worf realizes things on DS9, as Sisko tells him, have more shades of gray. 

Back with Julian, he continues to try and isolate why this Jem’Hadar has broken his addiction, to the point of resisting O’Brien’s attempts to free them. The other soldiers are becoming more unstable though, and despite the wishes of their leader, plan to kill the humans. When O’Brien gets a chance to go, he tries to get Julian, who again refuses. O’Brien destroys his work in an effort to get the Doctor to leave. Then, the Squad Leader appears, and takes the two of them to their ship, staying behind to put his troops out of their misery before they run out of the drug. When Bashir asks why, he says that O’Brien, a Soldier, could explain it to him.

By this point the Bashir/O’Brien interaction is pretty great, so having a really interesting moral conundrum to create conflict between them works well.  Both of them have their point with Bashir wondering if they could change the Jem’Hadar if only they can cure the addiction, but O’Brian believing it will just make them an uncontrollable killing force. O’Brien sounds a little like he did when he used to talk about Cardassians before he came to terms with that prejudice, but his arguments are sound as we watch the other Soldiers, when independent, become more ruthless.  Bashir’s argument also has worth as the Leader really is beginning to develop an actual moral code now separated from his “Gods,” the Founders. Good character piece for both actors.  Worf and Odo’s B-Story reminds us of other times the good constable had a Starfleet security officer in his way-particularly Eddington-but here Worf learns his lesson.  I also love that Worf NEVER refers to Quark by name, but only as “The Ferengi Barkeep.”

In “The Visitor” and old man is alone in a cabin after dosing himself with medication when a knock comes at the door.  A young woman has appeared out of the night, trying to find the famous novelist Jake Sisko, who has not published in 30 years. 

The old man is Jake, and he seems to appreciate that “on tonight of all nights” he has a chance to share his story. He tells a tale that goes back decades to the present on DS9. Jake is supposed to join his dad on the Defiant to watch a wormhole anomaly that only occurs every 50 or so years. The incident damages the ship however, and in the aftermath of trying to fix the engine, energy comes from the warp core passing through both Siskos and killing Ben, vaporizing him in front of his son. As time passes, things change on the station with the Klingons continuing to aggressively move toward the wormhole. Suddenly, Ben appears, and the crew realizes his is caught in some kind of subspace pocket. They are unable to retain him and he vanishes again. Jake leaves DS9 when it is ceded by the Federation to the Klingons and returns to Earth. He writes books, marries, and occasionally enjoys visits from his Starfleet officer friend, Nog. 

When Ben appears again on Earth, Jake realizes Ben is somehow bonded with him, not the wormhole. He abandons his writing career to earn a Doctorate in temporal physics, but in the process loses his wife.  In his 60s the opportunity comes to return to the wormhole when it going through the same inversion that started this. He gets Nog to get the Defiant out of mothballs, and the elder Dax and Bashir join him. They see Sisko, and Jake is even pulled into the subspace pocket for a while, but they still can’t retrieve Ben. Afterwards he retires back to his house in the Bayou, writing again, but also wondering if there is something he can do. Then he finds the solution; of he can sever the link while Ben is there, Ben will slingshot back to the point of origin. Jake reveals to the young woman that Ben will appear that night, and that he has taken a drug that will kill him. He gives her a copy of his new stories and she leaves while he waits for Ben to appear.  When he does, Jake shows him the dedication of the new book: “To my father, who is coming home.” Ben watches powerless as the elderly Jake dies in his arms, then Ben finds himself back in the engine room of the Defiant, able to dodge the energy blast by inches, preventing his entry into the subspace pocket.  He clings to the 18-year-old Jake, shaken by what he has seen, but knowing there is another chance for them.

Jesus Christ. Not only did this episode AGAIN leave me in tears about every ten minutes, sitting here and writing the synopsis has me weeping again. This is simply the single most moving, best written, best acted hour of television ever produced. Tony Todd appears to play Jake from about age 30 on to 80 and his interaction with the periodically appearing Ben leave you with no doubt that this is a father and son who are living through a life-long tragedy together.  Meanwhile, the performance and the young woman Melanie, played to perfection by Rachel Robinson, daughter of Andy Robinson (Garak), gives you this woman who seeks only to find only her hero and instead becomes intimately involved in a tale of loss, regret, and the emotion of losing the person who best represented strength to you as you grew.  There is no loss quite like it, a mourning that never quite leaves you, and this episode manages to create that sympathetic grief to perfection. Yet, it leaves you with hope as well. Simply the best episode of DS9, the best episode of Star Trek, and the best episode of television, period.

One last interesting tidbit is this scene (this image courtesy of trekcore.com) when Kira is trying to get Jake to leave the station after the loss of his father.

 It foreshadows the very last thing we will see in the very last episode of DS9, where Sisko has joined the Prophets and the Wormhole, and Jake, with Kira, waits for him. Dammit, I just started crying again.

NEXT MISSION:  Missing Bajoran prisoners from years before and a recovered Cardassian ship may indicate an “Indiscretion.”

[that-shamrock-vibe]

Movie Review: Venom (Spoilers)

Spoiler Warning: I am posting this review a week after the film is released worldwide, so if you haven’t yet seen the movie don’t read on.

Critics vs Consumer:

Alright, so I touched upon this briefly in my non-spoiler review, but I am actually quite disgusted at these critics and alleged “fake reviews” that are determined to tear this movie down until everyone hates it. I get that Venom comes out at the same time as Lady Gaga’s A Star is Born, but both are completely different movies in terms of genre and story so there shouldn’t be any type of competition.

As I mentioned the comparisons to both Jim Carrey’s Liar Liar and Halle Berry’s Catwoman are absurd. First of all the movie is carried mostly by Tom Hardy’s acting which both the aforementioned movies failed on and also, while I understand the one scene in this movie at the restaurant could be compared to Catwoman, it’s not in any way as random or senseless, in fact it is quite funny and organic to the story.

I also do not see why the public puts so much stock in what critics have to say about movies, they are just people who happen to have most likely studied movies. The main point of movies are to entertain and that opinion belongs to the individual not to a few snide individuals.

Characters:

As always my plan is to go into a character analysis of all the main players based on my fondness for them and also what they contributed.

Eddie Brock/Venom:

Tom Hardy was a fantastic choice for this role; not only did I find Eddie relatable as a reporter, studying media myself I do feel were I to pursue journalism this is how I would tackle it, but also just Hardy’s personality in general resonated so well here.

It was great to see Hardy in a movie as himself for a change rather than having some sort of mask obscuring his face...mostly obviously, but also Hardy proved apt at action sequences. I genuinely yelped with joy at the scene when he’s originally escaping the Life Foundation with the symbiote and yes while the hallway fight scene was very strategic in its editing so you couldn’t tell if it was Hardy or a stunt double jumping off the wall, it was still brilliant and I haven’t seen a comic-book movie do a continuing hallway scene like that since Iron Man 2 with Black Widow. Atomic Blonde is still the best when it comes to continuing hallway fights.

Eddie’s life in the beginning of the movie was also rather organic from having a fiancée to formerly being a reporter at the Daily Globe which are both comics-accurate, although I am surprised by the number of people that believe Eddie has worked for the Daily Bugle and I put that down to the 90s animated series which, for simplicity I am guessing, had Peter and Eddie working in the same place so that Eddie getting fired would spur his vendetta against Peter.

Speaking of the animated series, yes this does compare somewhat to the animated series with how the character of Venom behaves however I still rate Hardy’s version of the character higher than both that version and definitely Topher Grace’s interpretation. In fact if this version of Venom was in Spider-Man 3, it may have saved the movie.

Now I mentioned comedy, and from the minute Venom started talking as a disembodied voice, I was sold on the comedy; it is somewhat in poor taste to make a villain who is known to eat people a comedic character but this is where I think the movie could have excelled if the writing and directing was better.

I would have loved more exposition into the symbiotes; we had brief descriptions of their biology and behaviour from both Carlton Drake and Dora Skirth on separate occasions, however I would have loved them to explore an adaptive personality of the symbiotes. For instance, it would have made perfect sense for Venom and Eddie to pick-up and mimic traits of the other; Eddie became comfortable with Venom eating people towards the end, so if the movie had explored the fact that Venom’s language and personality switch was a result of being bonded with Eddie, because he did touch upon that towards the end when Eddie asked Venom why he decided to save the planet and Venom responded “Because of you” but they didn’t fully develop the symbiotic bond enough on an emotional level to warrant that one moment paying off to mainstream audiences. I could be spitballing ideas completely in the dark but I do believe that was the intention of the symbiote-human bond.

Having said that, this was a completely comic-book accurate portrayal of Venom, from the look to the personality. I loved during the scene where the SWAT team is cornering Eddie and he and Venom mimic the SWAT team’s actions of “Mask! Copy!”. Originally when I saw that in a promo clip I did not understand why they said that but now seeing the whole scene it does make sense and is very funny.

My favourite scene is possibly when Eddie first becomes aware of Venom and he makes the elaborate assumption that he has a brain tumour, it’s just the delivery of the line which made it so funny. But that whole motorcycle chase was brilliant and demonstrated Venom’s power wonderfully, even healing Eddie’s broken leg when taking over his body fully.

Also I loved how much of a wingman Venom was to Eddie because it did make sense the symbiote would want Eddie to be happy because it keeps him as a symbiote happy; happy host happy parasite, but Venom being the one who prompted Eddie to apologize and attempt to get back with Anne was a very friendly thing to do in exchange for obviously inhabiting his body.

Another great moment with the two is when Venom tried getting Eddie to jump out the window of his old work building and then in the next scene Eddie is waiting by the lift and all Venom can say is “Pussy” was hilarious.

The one thing that doesn’t make sense to me is the lack of explanation in Venom seemingly leaving Eddie after destroying the rocket containing Riot, but then in the next scene he and Venom are reunited with no explanation. It is simply Venom saying goodbye in one scene and then supposedly a day or two later they’re back in business...no explanation is given!

Anne Weying:

Michelle Williams could have very easily just been the stereotypical MJ damsel character in this movie, fortunately she was far from being a damsel. Deciding to essentially start off the movie by breaking up the main character and their love interest was an interesting move because it led to a continuation of Eddie pining after her and eventually at least being on a civil level.

I think her reaction to meeting Venom was quite genuine, freaking out at the site of Venom about to eat that guard and then Eddie taking control to try and explain was a very realistic moment. Being able to be at least friends with Eddie allowed for her to care about him without obvious romantic entanglement getting in the way. Although the fact that Venom then tried to harm Dr. Dan partially because it feels Eddie and Anne should be together made things slightly complicated.

During that hospital scene when the symbiote is forced to leave Eddie’s body and inhabits a dog in order to try and reconnect with Eddie was also interesting, not only because Anne proved herself a very capable woman with her ability to “handle weird shit” but also the fact she identified Venom had merged with the dog and the two, I am guessing, decided to merge to save their mutual friend was also rather savvy of a character pegged as the stereotypical love interest.

Speaking of She-Venom, this is possibly the scene that has caused the most uproar with this movie which, in my opinion is slightly unjustified but also understandable as it goes back to that lack of symbiote exposition. As I said, if the writers had made it so it was explained that Venom had grown to care about what happens to Eddie and looking out for his wellbeing or that it had felt what Anne feels for Eddie which led to that kiss then it would have made a lot more sense, and in my opinion took away from what was an awesome moment in the first appearance in film or television of She-Venom.

Also Michelle Williams played a blinder in an interview when stating that she was “ready to play She-Venom” but not specifically stating that part of her character would appear in this movie.

I do hope, if there is a sequel, that Eddie and Anne do end up back together because not only do I believe their chemistry but also Dr. Dan just didn’t do much for me.

Carlton Drake/Riot:

In terms of this being a “dated” comic-book movie, the villain was definitely a large part of that. Riz Ahmed very much gave a Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor or Julian McMahon as Doctor Doom type of villain as Carlton Drake. That’s not necersarrily a bad thing and both those villains had their pluses but it was just another businessman in a suit at the end of the day.

I did like the running like of “Have a nice life” first used by Drake to Eddie as a precursor to him destroying Brock’s career to the point he couldn’t even use his name in print anymore. Then at the end of the movie when Venom says the same to Riot just before the rocket explodes with him in it it further supports my annoyance of wishing the movie definitively explored the fact the symbiote and host were becoming more like each other.

Speaking of Riot, while I liked the character and the fact he was essentially a living weapon, I do think it was a missed opportunity not to make Scream the main villain symbiote. Not only is she an agent of the Life Foundation in the comics but her host Donna Diego was already in the movie as that homeless woman Eddie was friends with. Also it would have been nice to have a female villain in the Spider-verse as so far we’ve only ever seen male villains in any Spider-Man movie.

But also on Riot’s origin, the fact it took him so long to get from Malaysia to San Francisco with no exposition as to whether or not he’s been learning about Earth and instead just going from person to person, starting off with “Jameson” by the way which is a brilliant Easter-Egg for John Jameson III who is the son of famous Daily Bugle editor J. Jonah Jameson Jr, but not even showing us the fact he knew his kin were at the Life Foundation which is why he went there and chose Drake as his host. It just screams (ironically) missed opportunity.

Once symbiosis was achieved though, it did seem like Riot as a character was in control and Drake was just the vehicle being used. I do think, while Drake wanted Venom back under his control it was the fact Riot who demanded Venom to return to the homeworld that made it seem like Riot was the true villain of the movie.

I am actually glad they killed both Drake and Riot at the end of the movie, usually in Marvel movies it does annoy me they can’t keep a villain longer than a movie but both Drake and Riot had served their purpose so it was time for them to go.

Dora Skirth:

This role was interesting because, at first, her role plays a lot like Nebula in the first Guardians of the Galaxy in that she is the somewhat loyal right-hand of the main villain, there Ronan here Drake. However the fact they did not show any true villainous qualities in Dr. Skirth’s character and instead just made her a scientist who knows when she oversteps natural boundaries was a very fleshed out character.

It is also interesting that most of the background characters in this movie are created for the movie yet still managed to make an impression. I do feel her character was very believable in terms of working for the villain but trying to go behind his back to the movie’s hero is a real-life thing of working for someone you know is corrupt but being too scared of what may happen if they find out you’re trying to stitch them up.

Dr. Dan Lewis:

Alright so I have made it sound like I am not a fan of this character but that is only really in relation to him getting in the way of Eddie and Anne. I know in the comics the two are exes but I wanted to see more of them together in the movie.

I will say I did like that, once he got his head around the situation, he was ready to fight the symbiote by using the MRI machine. Granted it was not in a concealed room and Venom escaped through the air vent but it was still a very cool scene watching Eddie and Venom be separated.

I know he is still with Anne at the end of the movie but especially after that kiss between Eddie/Venom/Anne you would think she would have at least told him because in his defense he does seem like a cool guy, he’s okay with Eddie as Anne’s ex still hanging around so he may be understanding of the situation?

Mrs. Chen:

I just wanted to give a quick shoutout to my favourite minor character Mrs. Chen who owned the bodega Eddie frequented. Not only did she remind me of Delmar who owns the grocers in Spider-Man: Homecoming in terms of how the movie’s main character interacted with them, but also she was not shy to say her piece.

I also liked the fact that, even though we knew it was coming from the trailers, that scene of Eddie/Venom eating that thug at the end was foreshadowed towards the start of the film.

Ensemble:

Then in terms of the others, really there’s only the Life Foundation’s head of security and Donna Diego but while they both made an impression they didn’t take away from the main characters, if anything they aided them which is the right role to be in.

Post-Credits:

So there are two end-credits scenes that play after the most god-awful rap by Eminem I’ve ever heard, the first is relevant to the movie and the second is the big waste of time they make you sit through the entirety of the credits for. I have issues with both but for different reasons.

The mid-credits scene shows Eddie arriving at San Quentin Prison for an interview, the best thing about this is San Quentin Prison is the same prison Scott Lang was released from in the first Ant-Man movie. But he is there to do an interview with none other than Cletus Kassidy who in the comics is the first host of Carnage.

Now I had named who I thought would be great for this role during my fan-casting frenzy for Sony’s Universe of Marvel Character...but with the three suggestions I put forward, none of them were Woody Harrelson. I am not happy with this reveal, yes I knew Harrelson was cast in the movie but had no idea it was in this role. Not only is Harrelson 16 years older than Hardy so playing Carnage who is supposedly Venom’s “son” seems weird, but also that blood red wig, while fitting for the character, looked ridiculous on Woody Harrelson. I still think they should have gone with Will Poulter, but hopefully Woody Harrelson will surprise me in the sequel, I do still like the actor I just don’t think he’s the right fit.

The very end-credits scene is a promo for Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse which has no relevance to this movie what so ever other than the fact they’re both Spider-Man related. I just think this was a bad PR stunt to have a movie that is already being hated by some people immediately followed by an upcoming movie debuting Miles Morales...why not just have a trailer at the start of the movie? It still looked good and showed how Miles Morales meets Peter Parker but I do not understand why they showed it.

Overall I have to say this was a good Venom movie but not a great one and also I do think the 90s/naughties comparisons are apt as the movie does have that feel, but that isn’t a bad thing when you’re talking about a PG-13/12a rated movie about a supervillain who is known to eat people. Give it the higher rating and you may get what you want.

So that’s my spoiler review of Venom, again sorry for the delay but I am still curious how you guys feel about the movie. I am aware this movie has divided a lot of people but I for one would welcome more of Tom Hardy and this movie. Post your comments and check out more Marvel Movie Reviews as well as other Movie Reviews and posts.

[freddiekluger]

okay first of all, all your positive feedback is making my little butch ass very happy so thank you!!!!! i don’t know how to properly reply to people but i love it sm

moving on to part 2,

the captain: homo resurrectus

i see all that probably happening around episode 2-3, giving us time both to ease back into the world of ghosts but also to see the captain progress now that he’s made the first step to properly reconciling all parts of himself. as for where he should go from here, these are a little less polished but here are my first thoughts

- whether onscreen or offscreen, i do think the captain should apologise to kitty- it’s an important step in acknowledging the fact that he lashed out towards her most of all, and demonstrates the captain’s more comfortable sense of self as (while he might struggle at first) he’s actually able to admit he’s in the wrong. whether or not alison has to promote him to do it i don’t know, but it’d definitely take him a few days, like with him and pat in About Last Night, but something simple like this would do the trick:

*KITTY is sitting on the lounge in the common room, looking somewhat upset. THE CAPTAIN enters, bracing himself before awkwardly wandering over*

the captain: catherine- er, kitty- i, uh, must apologise for my behaviour towards you over the past few days. it was most… ungentlemanly

kitty: it was

*a beat. KITTY sniffs, but waits expectantly. THE CAPTAIN clears his throat*

the captain: yes, well i- i’m Sorry.

*THE CAPTAIN switches to more of a military tone*

the captain (cont.): you’re an important member of the button house team, even if you c-

*KITTY stands up and throws her arms around a bewildered CAPTAIN*

kitty: i forgive you!

the captain, attempting to wriggle his way out of the world’s tightest hug: ah. yes, well, jolly good. i’ll just be-

kitty: oh it’s so exciting! now we can talk about eligible men, and have sleepovers, and-

the captain, exiting with panic in his eyes: that’s enough of that

- despite being officially ‘outed’ to both himself and the other ghosts, the captain has still got to do a lot of the internal work, and i think slowly getting to watch him become more comfortable in that department would be a really blessing. he’d probably start with trying to stop attempting to rationalise the gay shit that has been jumping out of his mouth, before (with the encouragement of the others) slowly building himself up to comfortably talking about men he finds attractive- maybe not to the level of thomas plagiarising Kylie Minogue composing a poem for alison, but intentionally saying out loud things like “oh he’s well handsome” (this was actually robin’s idea- the captain didn’t actually ask him for advice, but after spying just how painfully awkward and helpless cap is, he couldn’t help but pipe up)

robin: each time you see pretty man, you say so.

the captain: i don’t think that’s necessary

robin: no, is smart! each time you say, you feel less em- em-bar-assed, and you not look like drowning fish

*robin proceeds to do his best impression of a drowning fish, with a lot of arm flapping and choking noises broken up by laughter. fish can’t drown, but he can learn that another day.*

julian: he might have a point, you know

- realistically, it’d probably take the captain at LEAST a few months before he’d even consider asking alison to show him more about lgbt culture and history, but the beauty of ghosts is that their timeline is pretty spaced out so we could still see it! contrary to what we all want to see, i think he’d probably need to steer clear of anything from when the period when he was alive, at least at first, because it’d simply be too close to home. all of the ghosts in some way or other deal with this pain that comes from missed opportunity, and i think the captain seeing that he could have found people like him and didn’t need to spend his whole life desperately locked inside of himself, well it wouldn’t be easy for him to handle to say the least. alternatively, his reaction to the cruelties of the time could be the opposite- @eloisetheartist described cap so brilliantly as 'a man out of time’, and while he was obviously aware of what could have happened to him had he been found out in life, seeing concrete examples of the trauma and ostracism that went down could un-anchor him entirely. he’s a ghost who can never fully be part of the present, and he’s a man who no longer 'belongs’ in his own time. i think the beauty of Ghosts lies in the fact that even when exploring prejudices/bigotry and trauma, they steer clear of going too far into trauma porn- even when exploring fanny’s homophobia, she gets over that on her own (with humphrey), instead of what happens in most programs where the gay character (in this case the captain) is confronted with the bigotry and, more often than not, has to prove their own dignity through exploitation of their pain. i also think, that while this is probably accurate, it’s terribly sad, and i think what takes place onscreen probably needs to be more focused on that healing and rediscovering some of cap’s comic tension now that his very poorly achieved repression will no longer be giving us fun little slip ups.

- that was all really long for honestly not much reason, but i really need to see cap being introduced to YMCA. i just think it’d be neat (i also would really want to play him pansy division even though i know that punk rock is not his thing and i think their level of candid explicitness might actually give him a heart attack. i just need the man to listen to Groovy Underwear, it’s for science)

- fuck it, i also love the idea of all the ghosts getting into Queer as Folk- it was mike’s idea to like, give the captain exposure to gay people while also padding out their tv schedule. the captain isn’t hugely interested but is struck by the sheer amount of gay people, but all the other ghosts quickly get invested in the story and it becomes regular thursday night viewing (it’s like Friends all over again)

- we’d also see a further extensions of what we started to see in Perfect Day, with cap actually becoming a better leader as he embraces the more unconventional side of him. now that he’s rejecting much of the shame that he’s carried with him for decades, he not only pays more attention to the others and has more confidence to lead without needing total control, but starts to explore other potential interests along with his continuing love for military documentaries. he gets particularly into How It’s Made and the daytime reruns of Gok’s Fashion Fix- after all, they’re both concerned with creating something new and brilliant from basic parts (much like his ‘secret’ role at Button house during the war). he also surprisingly gets into eighties pop (all of the deep voices and strong bass of the military march, except with extra flavour), but he’s not quite ready to share that one yet. thomas once caught him trying to dance to Don’t You Want Me, and he still hasn’t recovered. 

all in all, the captain still stays a relatively private person, but he gets to relax into himself just a little bit more! we still get plenty of his accidental innuendos (”mike and alison. banging.”- although a scene where julian and pat unsuccesfully try to explain to the captain just how wrong so much of what he says sounds would be amazing. maybe mary needs that intervention too), plots and schemes, creaky knees, vocal noises, and random full name usage. 

I am all ears for your season 3 cap's big gay awakening ideas 👀👀

alright, you asked so sit down and strap in

before we get started- a few details are recycled/repurposed from earlier headcanons/ask answers (characterisation is like that), and i came up with all this a couple weeks back, so any overlap with other peoples suggestions is totally unintentional! i’ve just been finding the energy to properly write them up as originally i riffed them with a friend late at night lmao

the captain: homo evolution

Keep reading

[junker-town]

The 5 best NFL destinations for Teddy Bridgewater

Photo by Nuccio DiNuzzo/Getty Images

Bridgewater will be a starter in 2020. The question is where.

It took four years and an incalculable amount of hard work, but Teddy Bridgewater did it. He restored his value as an NFL starting quarterback.

The former Vikings signal caller’s trajectory was indelibly altered by the dislocated knee that cost him all of 2016 and all but a few snaps in 2017. Backup stints with the Jets and Saints helped him rebuild his career. Bridgewater spent 2019 as the league’s highest-paid backup thanks to a one-year, $7.25 million deal with the Saints. He rewarded that faith with a 5-0 record as a starter after Drew Brees missed a chunk of the season with a thumb injury.

He’s now set to cash in as a free agent. The 27-year-old stands out among a crowded crop of veteran quarterbacks on this year’s open market. His relatively young age and growing potential should earn him more than $20 million annually.

New Orleans lacks the cap space to keep him on its roster and still has Brees. A new team will to swoop in with Bridgewater’s biggest contract yet, but the question is who?

There are five clear options, broken down by fit.

The best place to make the most of his short throws: Carolina Panthers

Bridgewater’s success in 2019 came through a high concentration of short throws: 143 of his 196 passes traveled nine yards or fewer downfield. His 5.8 air yards per attempt was by far the lowest of any starting quarterback in the NFL.

That’s concerning, but it worked! After knocking some early rust off, he averaged 278 passing yards per game and a 108.4 passer rating over his final three starts.

Much of that had to do with his biggest short-range target. In the five games where Bridgewater had the opportunity to throw to a healthy Alvin Kamara, the Pro Bowl back averaged more than six targets and 40 yards per contest.

Kamara is a great pass-catching running back, but Bridgewater could go to a needy team with an even better one in 2020.

Panthers tailback Christian McCaffrey became just the third player in NFL history to run for 1,000+ yards and have at least 1,000 receiving yards in the same season. At 7.2 average yards after catch, he could take Bridgewater’s well-placed passes and spin them into gold upfield.

Chance it happens: 1/10

The Panthers still have Cam Newton under contract for 2020, but he can released with just $2 million stuck to their salary cap. Owner David Tepper has made some wholesale changes that point to a rebuild in Carolina. Swapping out Newton and installing the slightly younger Bridgewater could be the kind of bold move that helps Tepper distance himself from the Panthers’ old identity. Even so, Newton’s best fit is in Charlotte, and the club is open to giving him a chance to take the reins once more if he’s finally healthy.

The best place to prove he can throw deep: Los Angeles Chargers

While Bridgewater didn’t take many chances downfield in 2019, he was able to use his short passes to set up some big plays. His 42.8 percent completion rate on passes of 20+ yards was better than quarterbacks like Aaron Rodgers, Kirk Cousins, and Tom Brady last season, albeit on only 14 attempts.

A move to the Buccaneers would also make sense when it comes to changing that narrative, but let’s focus on the QB-needy team that finished the season fourth when it came to big throws: the Chargers. Philip Rivers threw 73 passes of 20+ yards last fall, turning Mike Williams into the NFL’s yards-per-reception leader in the process (20.4). Keenan Allen averaged 10.1 air yards per throw, and Hunter Henry had a 9.5 air yards average. That’s a testament to head coach Anthony Lynn’s willingness to take risks downfield.

LA would give Bridgewater an excellent opportunity to turn one of his primary criticisms into a strength. The Chargers can offer top-notch receiving help and carte blanche when it comes to loading his cannon and firing deep. Plus, if Los Angeles retains restricted free agent Austin Ekeler, Bridgewater will also have a trusted tailback to target out of the backfield.

Chance it happens: 3/10

Rivers won’t be coming back to LA. The Chargers need a quarterback.

They could justifiably promote Tyrod Taylor, but they might be looking for a young veteran with franchise quarterback upside. Bridgewater fits that bill, though his limited resume the past four seasons casts a shadow over his recent achievements.

The best lineup to play to his strengths: Indianapolis Colts

The Colts could give Bridgewater deep threat T.Y. Hilton, who averaged 16 yards per catch in his career before an injury-filled 2019 dragged down his numbers. He’d have a steady-handed Pro Bowl tight end to connect with on short routes in Jack Doyle. Nyheim Hines, occasionally unstoppable as a punt returner, has untapped potential as a receiving back even after making 107 catches in his first two seasons.

Then there’s the offensive line that kept Jacoby Brissett and backup Brian Hoyer upright on approximately 94 percent of their dropbacks. Just as importantly, that group has been able to pave the way for running back Marlon Mack. Quenton Nelson has been named an All-Pro in each of his two seasons. Ryan Kelly was a Pro Bowler in 2019. Braden Smith is a solid right tackle who has only improved.

Though left tackle Anthony Castonzo is a free agent, the Colts have over $86 million in spending room before they’d bump up against the salary cap. They could retain Castonzo, sign Bridgewater, and add even more talent to the roster and still have cash to spare.

Combine all that with a former NFL quarterback who knows all about the jump from backup to starter — Frank Reich — at head coach, and you’ve got a tremendous foundation for Bridgewater to build the next chapter of his career.

Chance it happens: 5/10

The Colts have Brissett under contract in 2020 for a reasonable price and may still be assessing him after his hot start to last season fizzled due to a Week 8 injury. Adding Bridgewater would spark a QB competition. If Reich isn’t sold on Brissett, Bridgewater may be his best option.

The best place to overcome low expectations: Chicago Bears

The Bears went from NFC North champions to .500 despite a solid collection of offensive talent and a defense that ranked eighth in overall efficiency last season. All it may take to get Chicago back to the playoffs in 2020 is a league-average quarterback, something Mitchell Trubisky has failed to be.

That leaves the Bears in the market for an upgrade — and without a first-round pick. Bridgewater’s turnover-averse play would be a welcome deviation from the past decade of QB play in Chicago. His 1.4 percent interception rate as a Saint is less than half the INT rate of Bears passers between 2010 and 2019 (3.0).

He could also commandeer a young core of skill players that still has room to grow. Allen Robinson is coming off a season with 1,147 receiving yards even while trying to haul in passes from Trubisky. He’s flanked by a rising Anthony Miller and tight end Trey Burton, who could thrive under a new quarterback. Tailbacks David Montgomery and Tarik Cohen would also provide a run-pass punch out of the backfield.

Though there are issues with the offensive line, especially after Kyle Long’s retirement, Bridgewater could be the key to a postseason return — the next player to get Chicago’s hopes up about a new franchise QB.

Chance it happens: 0.5/10

General manager Ryan Pace says Trubisky’s his guy for 2020, but that may be out of necessity than choice. The Bears only have around $13 million in spending room this offseason, and some of that cash will have to be used to replace or retain free agent starters Danny Trevathan and Ha Ha Clinton-Dix. Clearing enough space to acquire Bridgewater would chip away at the depth that makes the Chicago job so appealing.

The best place to make his return to the playoffs: New England Patriots

Bridgewater could be the offensive centerpiece of a team that’s won 16 of the last 17 AFC East championships if Tom Brady leaves New England. With only 2019 fourth-round pick Jarrett Stidham and Browns/Jaguars castoff Cody Kessler waiting in the wings, a Brady-less Patriots may have to scramble to pair a starting quarterback with a championship-caliber defense.

Several veteran options could fit the bill. At the top of the list could be another quarterback who, like Brady nearly two decades ago, had his promotion from backup to starter aided by a long run of short, confidence-building throws. Bridgewater’s ceiling at 27 years old is obviously lower than Brady’s was at 25, but he could still fulfill his Pro Bowl potential in Foxborough.

The problem is, this may be the worst time to be a Patriot quarterback in more than a decade. Brady’s targets last season were Julian Edelman, James White, and a handful of replacement-level players. While N’Keal Harry and Mohamed Sanu could each improve in their second seasons with the team, the smoking crater Rob Gronkowski’s retirement left behind gives New England a bleak tight end situation.

There’s more to be concerned about, like the offensive line. The team’s blocking should be better if it can get full seasons from left tackle Isaiah Wynn and center David Andrews. However, the retirement of legendary offensive line coach Dante Scarnecchia suggests a regression is equally likely.

Chance it happens: 0.5/10

The only way Bridgewater lands on the Patriots’ radar is if Brady signs elsewhere. That seems unlikely. Even if Brady departs, New England may opt for a more proven, cheaper option than a player with only five starts since 2015. Bill Belichick likes to buy low with the majority of his veteran acquisitions. An ascending Bridgewater doesn’t fit that bill — but Belichick’s rules may not apply when it comes to the most important position on the field.

[gadgetsrevv]

Sergino Dest could be U.S. Soccer’s ‘Next Big Thing’ but even if he’s not, he’s proof of progress

Gregg Berhalter speaks highly of new USMNT first team members Sergino Dest and Paxton Pomykal, after naming his 26-player squad for upcoming friendlies.

Gregg Berhalter previews USMNT vs. Mexico and how Josh Sargent used missing out on the Gold Cup as a positive.

The list of American soccer’s Next Big Things extends back further than you might think, at least all the way to Steve Snow.

Uh, who?

Snow was the Parade Magazine High School Player of the Year in 1988. In suburban Chicago, he scored a goal in 49 consecutive high school games and earned a place on the 1989 U.S. Under-20 World Cup team. Snow scored five goals in seven qualification games and then another three more at the tournament in Saudi Arabia, where the U.S. came in fourth, still their best-ever U20 finish. After attending Indiana University for a year, he turned pro in 1990 and signed Belgian outfit Standard Liege.

— Borden: Pulisic isn not your wonder boy anymore — Carlisle: Way too early look at USMNT for 2022 — Schoenfeld: Former phenom Adu is not giving up just yet

How good was Snow? Former USMNT midfielder Chris Henderson told MLSSoccer.com in 2014 that, “From 1985-1989, he was the best forward in the country. He was the best goalscorer I’ve ever played with.” However, Snow soon struggled with injuries and had a falling out with U.S. Soccer at the 1992 Olympics. He was benched for the tournament-opening 2-1 loss to Italy, and told reporters after the game, “This team cannot play at all without me. This team wouldn’t be here without me.” He played and scored in both of the side’s remaining group games, but never made another appearance for the full national team. After a couple years of professional indoor soccer, Snow was out of the sport completely by 1995.

This, of course, is a cycle that American soccer fans are by now all too familiar with. There’s a savior identified at a young age. Then there’s a brief period of initial senior-level excitement. Then the impossible expectations are never met, for one reason or another. And then the cycle starts over again, and the U.S. men’s national team remains in the same spot it’s been in for the last 30 years: somewhere between, say, the 15th and 40th best team in the world.

Could 18-year-old full-back Sergino Dest be U.S. Soccer’s ‘Next Big Thing?’

John O’Brien, Freddy Adu, Juan Agudelo, Bobby Convey, Santino Quaranta, Julian Green, etc. — there’s a starting XI and a full bench worth of prospects who failed to live up to the hype. But the reality is that most youth prospects globally don’t become high-level professional players, and a microscopic sliver of them go on to become what one might consider “world class”. Case and point, in 2007, World Soccer magazine published a list of the 50 most exciting teenagers on the planet. On the cover were Giovani dos Santos, who’s currently playing in Liga MX with Club America, Alexandre Pato, who’s back in Brazil with Sao Paulo after two years in China, and Anderson, who once played for Man United but now plays for Adana Demirspor, a club in the Turkish second division.

“Everyone has their own progress,” USMNT manager Gregg Berhalter told the media on Monday, ahead of the team’s upcoming friendlies against Mexico and Uruguay. “The speed in which they continue to progress is unpredictable.”

The goal for any national soccer federation is to simply create more top-level talent, and the way to do that isn’t to hope for one player to appear and suddenly change a country’s fortunes. Rather, it’s to build an environment where there isn’t just one top prospect in a generation, but 10, so when seven of them don’t pan out, you’re still left with three more. In other words, the more raffle tickets you have, the better your chances of winning.

The U.S. still isn’t close to reaching the kind of talent production seen in France or now England, but things have slowly started to change. Perhaps that’s why there’s an 18-year-old American starting for a team that made the Champions League semifinals last year, and it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal.

—

Sergino Dest was born in Almere, Netherlands in 2000. He initially played for a local club before joining Dutch giants Ajax in 2012. After six seasons in what might be Europe’s premier talent-development factory, Dest was promoted to the Amsterdam club’s second team, Jong Ajax, last year. He made 17 appearances in the Dutch second division and then went on to star for the U.S. at this past summer’s U20 World Cup. Come August, he was starting for Ajax, as they overcame Cypriot power APOEL, 2-0, in Champions League qualification playoff-round. And this week he earned his first USMNT call-up.

Sergino Dest has broken into the starting XI at Ajax and now must decide between playing internationally for the U.S. or Holland.

“For him, he got his opportunity, he seized his opportunity, and now he’s a starter for Ajax, a semifinalist in the Champions League,” Berhalter said. “That’s an unbelievable story. You can never tell when it happens, who it’s gonna happen to, but Sergino’s in a good moment now, and we wanna capitalize on that.”

Dest, whose mother is Dutch and whose father was an American serviceman stationed in the Netherlands, has all the outlines of a top-tier modern full-back. He’s rangy enough to get up and down the sideline without throwing a team’s defensive structure out of whack, but he’s also comfortable coming infield and functioning from more traditional midfield positions — whether it’s progressing the ball up the field, maintaining possession, or play-making around the opponent’s goal.

He’s got the kind of slick, 360-degree range of movement that’s rare among players who spend most of their minutes cramped up against the sideline. It’s only a couple games, but the youngster completed 90 percent of his passes and won a higher percentage of 50-50 duels than any other full-back during UCL qualification. In the final match against APOEL, a 2-0 home win, he created two chances, in addition to completing a higher percentage of his passes and winning a higher percentage of duels than any other player on the field. Not bad for an 18-year-old.

Ajax were then drawn into a Champions League group with two other Americans: Chelsea’s Christian Pulisic, and Lille’s Timothy Weah. Another, Tyler Adams, will also participate in the competition with RB Leipzig. Not one of those players is old enough to buy a beer in the States yet, and they represent a growing trend within U.S. Soccer: there are more Americans playing in professional academies than ever before.

According to US Soccer, the 2017-through-2018 cycle of youth national team players featured around 50 international-based players called in for the U14 through U20 teams. For the 2018-19 cycle, that number jumped up to about 70.

“We have continued to expand our talent identification structure both domestically and abroad, with the goal of locating and developing the best players wherever they are,” said Earnie Stewart, U.S. Soccer’s sporting director. “The results of those efforts are reflected in the makeup of our youth national team rosters, and will ultimately benefit the senior team.”

At the 2009 U20 World Cup, 10 of the U.S.’s 21 players were either playing college soccer at the time or were associated with American clubs below the MLS level. Only three guys on that roster were playing for European teams at the time. Fast forward 10 years, and every player on this past summer’s team was either with an MLS side or a European club. In fact, more than half of that roster came from Europe. Thanks to globalized scouting networks at most top clubs and an increasing interest and investment in American players, just about every big club in Europe now has at least one American somewhere in its pipeline.

Stateside, every MLS club now has its own academy, and all but two of them (Minnesota and D.C. United) are free. One added side effect of MLS’s continued expansion is the growth of affordable, high-level training in a sport that has tended to weed out lower-income, non-white kids due to high participation costs or lack of a nearby club. The U.S. remains humongous and 24 MLS clubs aren’t close enough to cover it, but the current situation is better than the one where Clint Dempsey‘s parents had to completely rearrange their lives just so their son could get to and from practice.

On the most recent USMNT roster of 26 players, 10 spent time in an MLS academy and another 10 were at a European club before their 21st birthday. Tyler Adams, who isn’t on the current roster due to injury but is expected to be one of the team’s stars over the next decade, came up through the New York Red Bull academy and then signed with RB Leipzig when he was 19. Weston McKennie came up with FC Dallas and joined Schalke when he was 18. When healthy, both of them are already starters for two of the better clubs in the Bundesliga. While Christian Pulisic has shown enough to suggest that America’s Next Big Thing might finally actually become The Big Thing, he’s also going to be flanked by a collection of young talent that exists, in part, because of a developmental environment that never existed for a prior generation.

Whether that group actually includes Dest isn’t a sure thing yet. Although he’s represented the US at U17 and U20 levels, he is still eligible to play for the Netherlands. If he does end up representing the country in which he was born, that could end up being a big blow the USMNT. Long-term, though, the goal should be to finally get to the point where the future of a single player isn’t so closely tied with the future fortunes of the team. The numbers aren’t there yet, but they’re moving in the right direction.

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[janeaustentextposts]

I've actually just seen Gosford Park recently and I really enjoyed it! Do you have any similar period/murder-mystery film or series recommendations? Other than Agatha Christie's Poirot, which I ADORE

Weeeell I mean Gosford Park is a very specifically good murder-mystery film which one doesn’t often see the equal to, unfortunately; but it was like a perfect storm of great casting and also I cannot understate the importance of letting Robert Altman do his thing and allowing those characters to really come alive and also keeping the focus largely on the servants’ perspectives while everyone upstairs remains assholes or enigmas, because quite frankly we can see the pendulum swing the other way when Fellowes is let off the leash and the focus turns back to principally or solely the rich upstairs folks. Apparently he did better with Belgravia but equally I’ve heard it was shit and didn’t feel like spending my money on it, so I feel like maybe Julian is only as competent as his director/producer/editor, and when forced to work to other purposes apart from #richpeopleproblems he can do tight and well-crafted writing, but at this point he’s lost my trust so I’ll just enjoy Gosford Park and leave him to do whatever the hell he wants.I love Agatha Christie and am all over the TV adaptations for Miss Marple and Poirot; especially David Suchet’s Poirot, which I feel is definitive. That being said I’ll probably go to see the new Orient Express film because apart from Ken Branagh and his moustache being a goddamn nightmare and Johnny Depp being there at all, the rest of it looks hugely intriguing. And whatever I think of Ken as a blowhard up-his-own-ass person, his directing projects are generally films I enjoy.But I will say, if you like period dramas and you like murder mysteries--check out the Spanish series Gran Hotel, which spans 3 seasons, though the third season has a tonne more episodes than the first two, it’s weirdly broken up. And I won’t lie and say it’s perfect, there’s things about it that drive me nuts. The third season feels like significant plot-changes were made after the actor of one character passed away in the break between seasons 2 and 3, so another character was given some of their responsibilities, but that muddies the waters of what that character was originally meant to do (I AM TRYING NOT TO SPOIL THINGS BUT I HAVE A POINT I SWEAR) so things get a bit confusing and murky but at the same time the stakes just get higher and higher and this show is beautifully NOT AFRAID TO GO BATSHIT. You want a murder mystery? You got it. Family secrets? Plenty of those. Multiple shipping opportunities? Go nuts. (Because the main love story gets pretty old pretty fast IMO and the heroine can do better ‘cause the hero needs to grow the fuck up honestly and you can pry my conviction that her peppy bisexual best friend is deeply in love with her from my cold, dead, queer hands.) ALSO if you love Agatha Christie you are IN FOR A TREAT because it’s clear the writers love her, too, and there are shout-outs to Miss Marple and Hercule Poirot all over the place with two characters in particular that are loving homages to these two. And I will not spoil A Thing That Happens but when you see it, you’ll know what I was referring to. I screamed with delight. Like, God bless this messy, loving romp of a show.And my personal blog is full of spoilers in the Gran Hotel tag but it’s just amazing madness, honestly, and now I feel like I’m due for a re-watch. I bought Spanish DVDs and went through with the captions on and Google Translate and my distant memories of high school Spanish class to aid me in figuring out what the heck was going on and I love it all deeply.

[sueboohscorner]

#TheFlash S3 Ep 21 “Cause and Effect” Recap & Review

Episode Grade 9 for the humor

We start where we left off in episode 20, Barry and Future Barry are having a conversation, and it is revealed that Savitar is a time remnant from when Barry created Flashpoint. He explains that he was a duplicate and as future Barry had told he killed all the remnant except himself and because he was broken after he was shunned by him and the entire team because he was an admiration he created Savitar. He tells Barry that he only needed two more things Iris to die and the other he will keep to himself.  

Future Barry continues to explain that he will soon ascend and that when he does Barry would be the one forgotten. Barry tried to kill future Barry but was attack by the Savitar suit “My suit is way cooler than your” he said. The attack each other with their lightening and the collision of both cause an explosion.

Barry is back at Star Labs, and he tells the team that Savitar is him, and Cisco explains that he was the worst parts of Barry. Cisco put it together that the message that was sent to the wave rider was from future Barry about Savitar Barry “everything is coming together in the worst way possible” Cisco mumbles.  

Cisco explains fours from now future Barry creates remnants to help defeat Savitar, but Savitar made that one lives so when he put in prison he can go back in time so make it seems like he was the first speedster. Cisco tells them it was a close loop, and Wally brings up the fact that the remnant has Barry feelings and memories and questions why would he want to kill Iris.

Barry and H.R to help Tracey put a rush on the trap he is making. Barry tells Iris about the darkness and pain that he thinks lives within him, while Cisco and Julian work on the way to stop Savitar from knowing what Barry is thinking.

Cisco interrupt their conversation telling them he has the best or worst idea ever; Cisco and Julian create a machine to perm Barry memories. They were attempting let Barry forget daily activated mainly, but the disrupter took away all Barry’s memory, so he doesn’t even know who he is or anyone around him “who is Barry?”

Joe receives a call from Cecile that she need Barry at CCPD immediately, Iris tells Cisco and Julian that she and Joe will take Barry to CCPD while he and Julian figure out a way to reverse what they did to Barry’s brain. Meanwhile, Tracey has hit a speedbump in building the machine, so HR suggest that Tracy takes a step back and think about something that calms her so she can see what she is missing, they have a moment, and HR quickly runs away.

Joe, Iris and Barry have arrived at CCPD “Hi, I am Barry Allen, but you can call me Bart.” Is how Barry greeted Cecile. (I laughed so hard). Barry needs to testify against a pyromaniac named Lucious Coolidge because he was the CSI on the case. Joe tells Cecile that Barry has amnesia so he can’t testify and Joe goes down to the court to see if he can get delay the court date and Barry and Iris go out to eat. 

We learn that Savitar has also lost his memory after killer frost goes to figure out why he is kneeling not doing anything after revealing his identity to Barry and team Flash. 

Iris tries to be filled in some of the blanks in Barry’s memory and is enjoys a smiling and pain-free Barry. Barry received a call to go to the courthouse. Team Flash arrive at the courthouse to help Barry get through testifying without his memory and give him an eyeglass which that show him what to say, Julian uses it to toot his own horn. Barry starts to sweat as Cecile questions him and the sweat cause the eyeglass to spark and with no memory of his own could not answer the question, and Coolidge goes free.

Cisco and Julian arrive back and tells Wally that Barry’s memory loss have become a problem, and Killer Frost who was inside agreed telling them that Savitar has also lost his memory. Wally tried to speed over to Killer Frost and release that he had lost his speed, she tells them that she knows why and if they wanted to help Wally and Barry they must do exactly what she says.

Barry and Iris have arrived their Loft and Barry is expressing is guilty to Iris about Coolidge being free from prison, and she assures him that it was not his fault. Barry loves the décor of their apartment and sees’s pictures of his parent and Iris tells him that they were dead, and that how he came to live with her and Joe. She tells Barry that they were friends before he came to live with them and he was the happiest kid she has every met, and he tells her that it was because she came into his life. 

Barry kisses Iris and stop, but she said it was ok and he continues to kiss her which turn on his speed which he does not remember how to control. 

Barry, Iris, and Joe arrive at Star Labs, and Barry is all ecstatic about is need found power, but walk into a room filled with tension “buzz killed” he said, and Killer Frost came out saying her present in a room usually causes that effect.

Joe reaches for his gun, but Cisco tell him not to shot, and they explain that when Barry loses his memory Savitar also loses his memory, so Wally never got his speed. Caitlin offers to help them get Barry’s memory, and Wally’s speed back, the team consider it because if they don’t, they would have to stop Savitar from killing Iris. Killer Frost assure them that the Barry that they have right now can protect the City, so they have a tough choice to make.

H.R and Tracy shares a kiss which inspires a new idea, and Killer Frost, Cisco, and Julian work together to out thing back to normal. Cisco uses this opportunity to reminisce of some of his special moment with Caitlin telling her that when he thinks about the memories, he cherishes most she was in all they and Barry enjoy running in their indoor speed track.

Joes and Iris discuss the fact that Iris is conflicted on whether she wants Barry to remember because he is so happy and carefree. But Joe explains to Iris that he was not the real Barry without his memories whether they were good or bad. 

In the City Coolidge is on the move and start a fire, leaving Barry no choice but to save the people in the building. Killer Frost have found a solution to Barry memory loss, but after zapping him he still does not regain his memory, but still, goes out to stop the fire.

Barry is at the scene, but with no experience of his power, he does not know where to start. Iris helps Barry to remember by telling him about the first time they fell in love, Iris tells Barry that wish that she could take the dark memory away, but for every bad memory, there is a good one that could get him through it. Both Barry and Savitar remembers “I remember, I remember everything” they both said and Barry and Wally both save the day.

Barry and the team are back at Star Labs, and they test his memory, and they beg Caitlin to stay, and Julian tell her that he could fix her and she told them that he already tried and fail. Julian tells her that he will try harder, and he loves her, but she said that she doesn’t love him and she never has, and she never loved any of them.

Barry tells Iris that he thinks Caitlin is too far gone to get back, and she tells him that they can fight to get her back just like how they got him back. Barry ask Iris if she was sure that he was the Barry she wanted and she explains that it was nice to see him free of all the pain and darkness, and Barry tells Iris that he had that in Flashpoint and he could have kept it that way, but that would mean losing everyone he loves. Barry tells her that pain and darkness is a part of him and it makes him a better person and a better superhero. Barry and Iris shared a kiss which is interrupted by HR who brought them and the rest of the team to show the Speed Force Bazooka, but there is a problem, it would require more energy that the sun. The final scene cuts to a room that has some alien technology from the Dominators, guarded by King Shark.

I enjoyed this episode I laugh so much; this was a light episode yet it hit a lot of key spot in the plot for this season. We now know that Savitar is an admiration from the future who hold all present Barry now and future memory, so he knows what Barry is going to do before he does it. I was excited to she Caitlin back with the team telling us that she is not entirely Killer Frost yet, and Cisco uses the opportunity to bring back memories of the good old days. The Court scene Julian and the smiley face thing, I just laugh so much this episode I already watch it three times, it still on my DVR, I like Bart he a good guy.