#also the title is named after my favorite song by my favorite band

[xhoneygirlxx]

We’re Not Friends

Best Friend!Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

summary: Eddie is just trying to help when he offers to be your date to your sister's wedding, but with all the love in the air will you and Eddie be able to stay friends?

warnings: lots of angst. reader's family sucks. reader's mom makes a comment about her weight. anxiety attacks. reader has low self esteem. fluff. best friends to lovers. fake dating. modern au. (this is titled after an Ed Sheeran song and I also use another one of his songs in the fic, sue me). slight smut. allusions to sex. alcohol consumption. swearing. minors dni!!!!!!!!!! reader and Eddie are both in their 20's. no y/n used, reader is referred to as Birdie. skin color/ethnicity/body type is not mentioned. spelling errors/shitting writing, just pretend you don't notice lmao. also the venue is completely made up and so is the location if you couldn’t tell, im not that creative.

*if I miss anything plz lmk*

a/n: hi my loves!!!! this is one of the last fics on my birthday fic list!!! I want to thank all of you for being patient and being so so supportive of my work. I love you all so much!!! also I do go back to work on Monday so I'm going to try to get as many fics pumped out by the end of the weekend.

And that's why friends should sleep in other beds

And friends shouldn't kiss me like you do

And I know that there's a limit to everything

But my friends won't love me like you do

The turning color of the leaves create the prettiest backdrop, tall trees blooming with orange, red, and a pinch of brown. The ones that have already fallen to the ground get swept up under the wheels of Eddie's car, lifting up and swirling around in a pretty dance, and falling right back into place waiting for the next car.

Although the crisp fall morning is peaceful you can't help but feel like you're living a nightmare. As he soft hum of Eddie's playlist flows through the speakers, you're coming up with a plan to turn the whole car around.

So far you thought about faking an illness, one that would stop the whole journey in it's tracks, only to dismiss it because you couldn't put your best friend through that stress. The idea of pulling the steering wheel also came to mind but you quickly threw that out of the window, not wanting to cause injury to the innocent man next to you or anyone else. Your final idea was one you're sure you could pull off as long as you used all the power within your being. If you pushed your feet on the floorboard hard enough, you could poke them out like the Flintstones and stop the car that way.

Between science and logic, you knew that wasn't possible no matter how hard you wished it would. Instead you'll stare out the window, watching all the pretty trees dance in the wind while you push down the rising anxiety that's forming in the pit of your stomach.

"You good over there, Birdie?" The deep voice next to you shakes you from your thoughts.

Turning your head Eddie's already looking at you with a lopsided grin. His demeanor matches the landscape outside, relaxed and serene. As you look at him you wish you could trade places, be as pleasant as he is.

"Yeah I'm just tired." Trying to sell him your answer, you smile lazily at him even though your response holds more tension than a game of tug of war.

Turning his attention back on the road, you watch as the pavement moves on the darkened lenses of his sunglasses. Eddie looks pretty like this, even though you always thinks he looks pretty. Usually he would be a grump having to be up this early, but today he wears his smile like a badge of honor. The dark curls of his hair cascade down his back, while some falls over his shoulders.

He's wearing the same red and black checkered flannel he always does this time of year, the same one you said was your favorite three years ago and it still holds that title. Underneath is a plain black tee shirt, the only one he has that's free of any band name, and a dark blue pair of jeans that have no holes.

He's still the same Eddie, his rings still sit on his fingers and his pick still hangs from the chain around his neck, but it seems that he only gets prettier and prettier as time passes by - like the turning leaves that still hang on the branches of the trees that you drive by.

"I think you're worried about this whole wedding thing," His voice is unwavering, screaming "I'm right" like it always does. "I don't get what's so bad about an open bar and free food."

Although his point is valid, Eddie couldn't be more wrong than that. This wasn't just an event to get drunk for free and stuffed to the gills at no charge. This was your older sister's wedding, the same sister that was the apple of your parents' eyes. Veronica was your arch nemesis since birth, a rival that you had no option but to defeat in order to survive.

You were the outcast of the family, the black sheep if you will, and you had to endure eighteen years of nonstop torture because of it. Your parents, Christine and Tim, were nothing but successful. The doctor and his trophy wife, the star couple in your small community, that had two beautiful and healthy children.

However you were the hardheaded child, the daughter that didn't have a bright future, you didn't carry as much promise as Vee, and your parents made sure to remind you of that every day. So when you moved out three years ago, you made sure to distance yourself as much as you could. But when you received a pristine white envelope with a glamorous invite on the inside, you were roped right back into the hell hole you worked so hard to leave behind.

You could've just ignore it, faked that you were on a trip and couldn't make it but your mother pretty much threatened you into showing up. So that's how you ended up in the countryside right outside of Chicago, driving in Eddie's Toyota Corolla to the Jefferson Manner on a Friday at eight am.

"You're right, Eddie, I should be so thrilled by that. Thank you so much for pointing it out to me." It's snippy with a hint of malice, and your eye roll held enough venom to injure an army of men.

Whistling loudly, Eddie chuckles lightly. "Woah, killer. Relax, I was just tryna help." He's still soft despite your outburst, sweet like your pumpkin spice latte that sits in the cupholder.

Hanging your head, you inhale a deep breath and release it slowly. "I'm sorry, Eds. I just really fucking hate my family."

He switches his attention from you and the road, taking in your saddened features. Reaching his right hand over the console, he places his hand searches for yours and laces his fingers through yours, which you gladly except.

"Don't apologize for that, kay? That's a valid reason for you to not want to go, I was just trying to make you laugh." The sincerity in his voice wraps around you, easing the nerves that go haywire in your body.

His palm is warm like the coffee cups that sit in the cup holders, his voice is as calming as the trees in the wind, and his smile is just as pretty as it was the first day you met him. You're safe with him, the safest you've ever been in your life, and here in the front seat of his car he reminds you of that.

"They just make me crazy, s'why I don't like seeing them." You feel shy being vulnerable, refusing to meet his gaze by focusing on tracing the back of his hand with your free one.

Eddie doesn't mind, instead he reassures you with a quick squeeze of your hand. "If it makes you feel any better, Birdie, I like you a little crazy."

Dimples deep as the sea and smile still as delicate as a flower's pedal, Eddie looks like a painting that hangs in the Louvre. You want to capture this moment of him to have for the rest of your life, so no matter what you can always remember him just like this.

"You say that now." You tease and he eats it right up.

Looking back over to you, he shines his smile onto you, filling you up with the light of a million stars. "And I'll say it till the end of time." There's no tease to it, nothing but truth in the way he says it.

It turns you into jelly, the feelings that swim through your blood stream, and now you've become too sheepish to answer. You decided to trust your touch over your words, squeezing his hand the same way he did to yours, trying your best to communicate the feelings you hold secretly in your heart for your best friend.

The cobblestone driveway leading to the entrance of Jefferson Manner is, for a lack of a better word, beautiful. It is a straight drive to the property, but once you get closer, a large fountain sits in the middle where the arch of the circle driveway starts.

Different colored cars are already lined up, some you recognize and the rest you have no clue who they belong to. Either way it's pretty evident that Eddie 2018 Toyota sticks out like a sore thumb.

The same dread that you left 45 miles back, is now running through you again. Unintentionally, you squeeze his hand harder as your heart begins to pound in your ear and if it hurts him he doesn't mention it. Instead, Eddie gives you one, two, three squeezes and then lets you continue your attempt to stop the blood flow to his hand.

Pulling behind the Mercedes Benz S Class, he puts his car into park and then shuts the car off. Reading your expression the way he always does, he sits in the silence of the car with you until your features loosen up.

"You okay, Birdie?" Even though he knows you're not okay, you still appreciate him asking anyway.

Breathe in. This is temporary. Breathe out. This is not forever. Breathe in. I am safe. Breathe out. I am here.

You repeat this to yourself a few times, eyes clamped shut as you focus on your breathing pattern. Once your head is above water and your heart stops racing, you open your eyes back up to the real world.

Relaxing your shoulders, you let go of the grip you're holding Eddie's hand in. "I'm okay. I'll be okay." Despite answering him, it sounds like you're trying to convince yourself of what you're saying.

Another brief pause goes by and Eddie continues to monitor you, sunglasses now removed so not only can he see you but you can see him.

Your gaze is unwavering, the thousand yard stare has fallen over you and you have yet to dig out of it. "Are you prepared for what we're about to walk into?"

The tone of your voice scares Eddie, the emotion being sucked right out of the words that you speak despite the feelings that battle in your mind that he doesn't know about.

"Honey, I'm prepared for anything as long as I have you." For a split second he winces, wondering if that was too cringy but when your face breaks out into a sweet smile he feels better.

The two of you get out of the car, retrieving your suitcases and dress bags from the trunk. When the door shuts you begin to count the steps it takes to get to the big wooden doors of the mansion.

You don't have to ask Eddie for his hand, he's already giving it to you and you gladly except it, gripping on for dear life the closer you get. Despite the beautiful landscape and the soothing sound of the running fountain, you feel like this is the soundtrack that plays before your imminent death.

The tall, thick, wooden doors sit menacingly in front of you, the skeletons of your past standing just right behind it waiting for your arrival. The ghosts that have haunted your dreams, the graveyard of your history, and the phantoms of your family, mingle and laugh right behind this door.

Eddie waits for you, not moving a muscle until you say so, and you silently thank him with a smile. Like a switch, he watches your face change from flight to fight mode. In a flash your looking over your outfit, brushing down the long black sleeved shirt that sits on your torso, and then straightening out the jeans that stick to your legs.

Your hair is the next thing you frantically fix, pushing it behind your ears and out of your face, letting it fall over your shoulders while doing so. Like a buzzing bee, you zone in on Eddie, fixing the collar of his flannel and then smoothing the material of his shirt. With out speaking, you pick off a singular piece of fuzz from his pants and then let it blow away in the wind.

Moving your hands back up to his chest, you center the pick on his chain. Then move his hair, fixing the ringlets that got blown around in the breeze. Once your satisfied, you move back to your spot next to him and sweep his hand right back into your hold. Releasing on more deep breath, you settle your pinched eyebrows and your determined eyes, and let the worst fake smile settle onto your lips.

The smile doesn't reach your eyes the way it usually does, your teeth push against one another so forcibly Eddie wonders if you'll shatter teeth, and you simply look like your in pain. Either way, you push open the big oak door and let yourself inside with him following right behind.

The lobby of the manner is everything you expected, high ceilings, a crystal chandelier, and every single family member of yours gathered around sipping champagne and speaking to each other like a potential client.

Even though it's magnificent inside with the beautiful décor and lively plants, the sight of everyone in their gaudy outfits and cheap laughter makes it feel like an eternal hell.

Eddie must feel the way your shoulders tense because he's quickly leaning into you, his voice just a whisper in the shell of your ear.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay. You have me and I won't let anything happen." He reminds you, his smile is more sympathetic than anything.

Nodding your head you remain smiling, it's awful and it hurts even doing it but if you want to survive the whirlpool of piranhas, then you just have to fake it until you make it.

"If it isn't our lovely Birdie!" The sound of your mother's voice is like silk, smooth and confident, just like she always was. Walking over to you, she holds a champagne flute in her hand and you wonder how much the bubbling spritz cost your father.

The last time you've seen her was last winter, her million dollar smile outshining the Swarovski crystal tree decorations that sit behind her. Your mother has always been beautiful but her insides are rotten, ugly and maggot infested, all hidden behind the mask that she put on for everyone to see.

You gave up a long time ago trying to figure out her brain, finally accepting defeat to the maze that was her mind. Now when you look at your mother all you see is a shell, a hallow covering that has nothing to offer you other than it's pretty design.

Pulling you into a hug, you're hit with her scent. She smells like Dior and cashmere, the Chanel outfit that sits on her body scratches your skin, and the pearl necklace she wears jabs you right in your collarbone.

"Hello mother, thank you for inviting me to such a wonder occasion." You instantly revert back to your old accent, the same one your mother instilled into you from the time you could even under stand the English language.

A faux laugh comes from her bright red lips, "No need for that, darling, you're always welcome." Her manicured hand waves at you in fake genuineness.

The smile on your face continues to show and you hate to think it matches hers. Even with the sweet tone you use and the gentleness of your actions, the blood that runs through your body continues to boil the longer she stands there.

Eddie on the other hand stands next to you completely and utterly amused by your fake performance. The snort he lets out when you continue to use your "eloquent" voice is quickly covered up by a sniffle.

Like a vulture, your mother's eyes are quick to zero in on the curly haired man next to you. "Excuse my daughter for her bad manner of not introducing us, I'm Christine."

The minute her hand reaches out for a handshake, you're heart stops. This is the one thing that could make or break this whole trip and it was the only thing you didn't prepare your best friend for. Many years of your life, you were trained that a handshake is all it takes for someone to learn about you.

Without skipping a beat, Eddie simply picks embraces her hand like a prince out of a Disney movie and places a kiss to the back of her unwrinkled hand.

"What a pleasure to meet you, Christine, I'm Eddie. And might I say how beautiful you are."

He's all dimples and doe eyes staring at your mother, a true prince charming in his red flannel and jeans. His voice is like a cup of hot chocolate on a cold day, it's smooth going down your throat and it warms your belly better than any blanket can.

That warmth is now tingling your body, a frenzy of butterflies flapping around in the walls of your heart. It clearly works on your mother as well but unlike you she doesn't hide it very well.

"You're really the charmer, Eddie." It's flirtatious and alluring, the same voice she put on for every pool boy your father ever hired.

Annoyance and anger floods through you and you know that your eyes would be shining green to anyone with a trained eye.

While she clutches her pearls and eyes Eddie like he's a four course meal, you intervene into the conversation before it can continue.

"Where's daddy? I'd really like for my boyfriend to meet him." You bat your eyelashes like a pageant queen and your arm acts like a python wrapping around Eddie's, making a mark on what is yours.

"Oh you're father's around here somewhere, you know how he is." She dismisses, taking a drink from her glass and swallowing down the golden liquid quickly. "So how long have you and Birdie here been dating?"

"It's going to be two years next month. Isn't that right, honey?" Eddie turns to you and gives you a playful smile.

Looking back at him you hope he can see the misery that hides being your eyes, a white flag of surrender.

Your mother on the other hand doesn't care about your answer, that's why she didn't ask you. She's reading Eddie, trying to see how much she can push your so called boyfriend until she gets what she wants.

"Well that's just wonderful, young love is a beautiful experience. You have to be careful with Birdie here, she's known to leave the nest quickly." It's a jab, a spiteful and mean comment headed right for your gut.

Eddie doesn't miss the way you're lips falter for a second, the flash of hurt in your eyes. It kills him watching you stand there and take all the comments from your mother like stray bullets.

Turning his attention back to your mother, he gives her a smile, one that you would know as a wicked one but to a stranger would seem kind. "I don't think that will be a problem. Birdie knows where her home is."

It's a direct warning, a clear sign to your mother to not mess with you or what is yours. Just him sticking up for you like that makes your stomach twist in excitement, a feeling you've grown so used to over the course of friendship with Eddie.

"Well, I'm glad she finally found her place then." Your mother responds coldly, clearly hearing the bite in his tone. "Why don't you two go find your room and get settled in, rehearsal dinner is in a few."

Before retreating into the large crowd of family, your mother turns back to you in one more attack.

"Oh and Birdie, wear something that will hide that stomach. Don't want anyone to assume you've been knocked up."

Once you've found your room, you all but rush Eddie inside slamming the door behind you. In the quiet safety of your suite, you can relax your shoulders that have been sitting high since you've arrive.

"Jesus Bird, you weren't lying." Eddie says as he flops himself on the queen sized bed.

You don't respond, instead you squeeze your eyes shut and try to calm the heaviness of your breathing. Behind the darkness of your eyes, little twinkles of stars flash from how hard you have them closed, the swooshing of your heart continuing in your ears like angry waves of the sea.

Breathe in. This is temporary. Breathe out. This is not forever. Breathe in. I am safe. Breathe out. I am here.

You repeat this to yourself over and over again, trying to erase the cruel words of your mother and the images of disgusted family member's faces out of your mind. You're not sure how long you've been standing by the door until a hand grasps at your wrist lightly.

"Birdie," Eddie's coax goes unanswered, "Come on, Birdie."

Warm calloused hands travel to the plump of your cheeks, lifting your face up just enough that he can see you. Finally opening your eyes, you're relieved to be looking into the golden whiskey pools of his.

Smoothing his thumb over your cheek he doesn't say anything, just lets your breathing calm down. Here you are, in the nice room behind the shelter of the locked door, and he's here.

Breathe in. It's okay. Breathe out. You're safe. Breathe in. You are here. Breathe out. So is he.

It's enough to let your feet move on the plush white carpeting, while Eddie leads you to the bed with the tug of your arm. Sitting on the plush mattress on crisp linen sheets you're grounded, and with the heat of Eddie sitting next to you and his hand in yours, you're anchored.

The rehearsal dinner goes over well enough, the Irish mule helping with every single speech that's given and every horror story of your childhood that is told. Luckily for you, Vee didn't ask you to be in her bridal party so you didn't have to attend the actual wedding rehearsal, and even better you won't have to deal with her for the real thing tomorrow.

Eddie does great at dinner, he talks to your father who surprisingly likes him, both getting along over their love for vintage cars. Your soon to be brother in law and his groomsmen also get along with Eddie, they laugh and cut up most of the time while clinking beer bottles together. Not to mention every single woman there wanted to get into his pants, swooning at everything he said and giving him the 'fuck me' eyes while doing it.

You hated it, every single minute of it. Like always you were ignored, simply looked over until some story was being told where you were ultimately the joke of. Any time someone asked you what you were doing with your life, you were met with cringing smiles and snickering laughs.

Four separate times your mother commented on your dress, the way it fit, the price value of it, and how it really wasn't a good color on you. All of your sisters friends rolled their eyes and whispered back and forth while staring at you, aunts and uncles acted dumbfounded when you told them that you were a freelance writer for a small music magazine back in Indy, and your cousins made comments about how badly you look since the last time you saw them.

It didn't matter anyway, even if your sister asked how you managed to get a stand up guy like Eddie to agree to be with you, in front of all of the guests. You had to remind yourself that you were there for the free booze and food or whatever the hell Eddie said in the car on the way here.

This wasn't a popularity contest for you, it was simply you being forced to do something against your wishes because your mother said so. You asked yourself why you even listened to her in the first place while letting the brown liquor burn in your stomach.

Why was it so important that you even showed up here? Why did you have to come to the awarding ceremony of favorite kid when you knew you weren't going to win? Why would you even set yourself up for such failure just because your mom said so?

Well, you're answer came when a flushed faced Eddie was laughing with your grandparents at one of the round tables in the corner. His eyes crinkled at the sides and his head was leaned back so you had a clear view of the neck you loved so much.

Then you looked over at your sweet looking grandparents who laughed loudly at whatever was said. Your grandmother had her hands on her cheeks, shaking her head back and forth, and beaming brightly. Your grandfather smiled around his cigar, big round belly jumping with laugher, and his cheeks smooshing up against the frames of his big glasses.

You didn't come here to win a competition. You didn't come here because your mother threatened you within an inch of your life if you didn't. You didn't come here because you thought it would be fun.

You showed up because you wanted to prove to the people who doubted you for so long just how happy you were. You wanted to prove that happiness doesn't come from the amount of money in your account or how many rooms sit in your house. You came here because you wanted to prove that they were wrong, that the grass on the other side of the fence could be green too, and that someone who grew up differently that you could still do amazing things.

Eddie was someone that your father would've had you kicked out over bringing him home in high school. Eddie was the boy your mother would tell you to stay far away from. Eddie was the kind of guy that your sister wouldn't look twice at because of who he was.

But right now, during the beautiful dinner the night before your sister's wedding, your best friend/fake boyfriend has them all wrapped around his guitar calloused finger.

-

Not much has been said between you and him, especially when he was the man of the hour. You're not really complaining though, you're happy that he made a good impression with them. When the night began to settle into your bones and the alcohol started to make you tipsy, you slyly walked up to Eddie and tugged on his sleeve to let him know it was time to go.

On the walk back to the room, you sway slightly with every step you take, balancing on the walls with one hand while the other holds your strappy heels. When Eddie stops and turns to the door of your room, you all but smack into him with clumsy steps.

While he fumbles with key, you're in blissful content with your eyes closed. The kick of the lock and the turn of the handle doesn't even pull you out of your daze, instead you hold your arms out like a mummy and feel around until you find Eddie's clothed back.

You can tell Eddie is laughing by the large breath that passes through his nose and the tell tale sign of him kissing his teeth. Large hands wrap around your wrists, guiding you into the doorway that you can't see.

Your cheeks are warm, the smile on your face is permanent, and the buzzing in your heart makes you feel light on your feet.

"Alright mummy, lets get you into bed." Letting go of his hold on you, you feel him slightly brush past you to close the door. His voice sounds like the way stars look, sparkling and bright, twinkling all around.

You giggle, eyes still shut and your nose scrunched up. "M'not a mummy but I could be if ya want."

Putting your arms out, you lean back and forth on your feet to mimicking what you think is a mummy but looks more like a zombie.

"Baaaaahhhhh, I'm a mummy. Be very afraid." You deepen your voice, dragging the syllables of every word to make them come out slower.

Eddie must be entertained because the sound of a loud raspberry comes from where he stands, the clear sign of him losing the grip on the laugh he'd been holding in.

Cracking one of your eyes open, you hope to find him with rose cheeks and dimples flashing, the look you love so much. Instead you see him, beaming at you without the shine of his canines. It's an admiring smile, one where your eyes go all gooey and your smile is simple yet dipped with so much love.

Opening your eyes all the way, you let your arms down slowly to rest by your sides, a meek look painting your face.

"Did I do good?" You ask, even though you didn't really want his opinion.

"I think you're perfect." It comes out even, smooth like the hilltops in December covered in a layer of the purest snow.

The two of you sit there for a while, soaking up the glow of each other and letting it sink into your souls. For a moment you wonder if he feels it too, the spark that you feel whenever he's around. You wonder if he feels like crying simply because he loves you that much. You wonder if he wishes this whole dating thing wasn't just a lie and that it was true, the same way you wish it was.

Once the moment ends for him, he's clearing his throat to clear any lovesick daze that's left. "I guess we better head to bed, huh?"

Scratching at the back of his neck, you try with everything in your power to not look down where his turtle neck rode up, where the patch of mouth watering hair trails from his belly button to underneath the waist of his pants.

A part of you wishes you stuck it out longer, stayed in your seat at the dinner table just to see him in his outfit longer. He asked you to help him pick it out this morning and when you think back to it, you get flustered with thinking how domesticated it felt. Making him try on different shirts and jumping for joy when he walked out of the bathroom wearing a turtleneck he swore he'd never wear. The khakis you pulled out of his suitcase was the cause of so much laughter and the pink tinge that sat on the rounds of his cheeks.

God, he looked so good, especially with his hair pulled back and the dangled earring that sat in his ear, but now it would all be a memory for you to file away in the back of your brain.

Eddie had already started taking off his dress shoes, sitting on the edge of the bed bent over and messing with the knots that kept the laces together.

The smile that once held your lips high and proud, now weigh down in a sad frown. Even after the success of the dinner and proving everyone wrong, you are now brought back to the reality of what you and Eddie were. Just friends.

"Since I'm a gentleman and I can't see to get these shoes untied, I'll let you shower first." His voice comes out strained from how hard he pulls on the knotted strings.

You don't say anything, quietly nodding your head before shuffling over to your suitcase that sits by the closet. Grabbing a sleepshirt and some shorts, you go to move around the lanky man that can't get his shoes off no matter how hard he tries.

Without a sound, you kneel in front of him, placing your clothes somewhere off to the side. Taking his calf in your hand, you place his foot on your thigh. Delicately, you remove the first shoe and then the next.

"Y'didn't have to do that." It's quiet but not enough to be a whisper, still you shrug.

"I didn't but I wanted to." It seems so simple when you say it, even though deep down inside you wanted that last piece of your fantasy before it goes away for the rest of the night.

"Will you help me with my dress?" You ask him, standing on your feet and turning so that the golden zipper is facing him.

In the mirrored closet door you can see him and how he hesitates for a moment, shaky hands lingering in the air before they close in on the gold slider.

The sound of the metal teeth unlatching from one another fills the room, clouding the unrhythmic beat of your heart. You try to remember the feeling of him on the sacred part of your skin, the way his light touch tickles you and makes goosebumps rise. You want to memorize it like your favorite song, so that when you leave this place and the fake nature of this whole thing goes away, you still have something to think about on those bad days.

It ends too soon for your liking, his hands retracting right back to the sides of his body like a measuring tape. With the fuzz of your tipsy has now wore off but the sting of everything still remains.

Giving him a small smile and muttering a thank you, you hide in the bathroom where the sound of running water hides the muffled cries that leave your throat.

Waking up felt more painful than any hangover you've ever had. The pain of Eddie's bare back facing you was heartbreaking. You force yourself not connect the freckles that litter his skin or trace your fingers along his spine and shoulder blades.

It's a sight you've seen plenty of times and sharing a bed is something you've done more than enough that you're not uncomfortable. Yet your heart squeezes, wrapping itself up in the tightest loop so that it hurts to even breathe.

The sound of his soft snores only makes it worse, imagining what he dreams about and if it's you.

You use all of the willpower that's left in your body, marching over to the small kitchenette that sits in the corner of the giant room. Pouring yourself a cup of coffee, you try to focus on the swirl of dark liquid mixing with the coffee creamer and how they mix together so perfectly. Without much of a peep, you slide the glass doors that lead out to the balcony and sit down in one of the plush chairs.

You look out over the mountains of colors, tracing over the lines of trees that go on for miles. Although pretentious, you think Veronica did an excellent job and choosing this location.

Sipping on the hot beverage, you watch the clouds in the blue sky go by, wondering what it would've been like if your sister asked you to be a bridesmaid. You imagine that the two of you would've actually gotten along and maybe even laughed together. You envision what it would've been like to have your mother compliment you in your gown and how it would feel to take a picture with your family where all the smiles were real.

Tears begin to burn the back of your eyes, falling rapidly like a fall rainstorm. The skin of your cheeks burn slightly from the heated trails of water that fall. You're sad and incredibly so. Within the first twenty four hours of being here, you remember how much of an outsider you really are to these people.

Even with the company of Eddie, someone that truly loves you, you still can't help but feel so fucking lonely. To put on the mask you wore for many year back on and pretend that the man standing next to you is yours to claim is harder than any other time you had to do it.

This time you weren't really faking it, the love that you showed to him, the happiness you felt with him was real, just the titles weren't. With the cool fall chill, your coffee has gone cold but your tears keep coming.

"You made yourself a cup of coffee but not one for me, and this is how I find out? That's just mean." Eddie's curly hair pokes out from the small gap in the sliding back door that he's created.

His eyes are squinted from the harshness of the morning sun but his cheeky smile is forever unwavering. Sliding a space big enough for him to go through, he stalks out onto the small space in his plaid pajama pants and a hoodie he must've thrown on.

Trying your best to cover up that you've been crying, you wipe the back of your hand across your cheeks, but Eddie still catches your movements.

Instead of embarrassing you, he sits down in the chair across from you and looks out over the balcony.

"You okay?" It's a simple enough question, one that you can answer with one word and he wouldn't pry for more information to not overwhelm you.

Sniffling, you shake your head yes and then move your gaze to where his is. "No, yeah, m'good. The view really does something for me." You say, chuckling just a bit at your own joke.

Eddie also laughs, only this time it's not as genuine as it usually is, just a hard exhale through his nose.

"Yeah, sure does." He agrees, letting his eyes follow the red and orange of the tree tops.

A calm silence falls over you two, only the sounds of the birds that fly and the ruffle of the leaves can be heard from where you sit. It's peaceful.

"You know, I really thought this weekend would be different." It comes out of your mouth as easy as the breeze that blows. Still your eyes stay trained out in front of you and past the mountains of trees.

Eddie doesn't respond but the hole that he burns through the side of your head with his eyes tell you he's listening.

"When I was little, I used to imagine the day Vee got married. I would fantasize that maybe one day we could be close enough that I could enjoy this day with her and we could be sisters for once." You exhale an uneven breath, moving your sights to the cup that still sits in your hand.

"I just wanted all of us to be a family for once. I wanted my mom to actually act like she liked me, for my dad to say that for once he was proud of who I was, and for Veronica, I just wanted her to say she's happy that I'm her little sister."

Just like that, every single thing you've carried since you were little is now out in the open, whipping around in the wind like the dead leaves. Even with the amount of burden that's been lifted, the pain still remains the same. It all hurts, stabbing you over and over again in the scars that you worked so hard to patch up.

Eddie doesn't say anything and for a moment you don't think he'll say anything at all. You watch him pull out the pack of cigarettes he had nestled in his pocket and place one in between his pretty pink lips.

Another second goes by and he's flicking the wheel of his lighter, shielding the flame away from the wind so he can light it. When the end of the smoke burns red, he takes a big inhale and then lets the cloud of smoke out.

"I know what I say won't matter," He starts before taking another drag of his smoke, "But these people don't fucking mean anything."

"They're you're family and I get that but they don't fucking deserve you, they never have. A fake boyfriend, a new haircut, or a cool job shouldn't define their love for you. They're shitty people who were blessed with an amazing person and they didn't even realize it."

Eddie looks at you the same way he speaks, with nothing but truth. You let the words settle in your mind, letting them soak in, in case you forget.

The tears that once ceased start to flow again, except this time it's from relief. It feels good that someone else sees your worth, to know someone actually holds value to you.

"It kills me that they treat you the way they do, that they can say all those things without batting an eye. I know why you asked me to come here and I know I have a job to do, but man do I want to rip them all a new asshole."

Although he speaks with fire behind the words, you have to laugh from the thought of the actions. The moment you giggle, his own smile forms.

"I hope you know that I love you and when everything is done and over with, we'll give them the bird." To make his point, Eddie raises his middle finger high into the sky.

Repeating his actions, you hold your own finger to the sky and smile happily while doing it.

Letting his arm fall back down into place, he pats the tops of your thighs and stands from the chair.

"That's my girl, now let's get ready for an open bar and free booze." Holding his open palm to you, he helps you up.

The wedding reception was what you thought it would be, drawn out and boring. The only saving grace of the whole thing was Eddie's commentary, the scruff on his face tickling you every time he leaned close to your ear.

A lot of the things he was saying was probably just to make you feel better but you did have to agree, the dress Veronica picked out was a bad rip off of Princess Diana's and it shouldn't have seen broad daylight.

You did however get choked up when the vowels started, not because you were happy with your sister but because you wish that were you and Eddie up there instead.

All and all it was okay, even though one of your brother in law's aunt's wore a hat so big you couldn't see past it most of the time.

The wedding reception though was beautiful. The décor of the manner looked exquisite against the maroon coloring of all the bridesmaids dresses. The tables had beautiful bouquets sitting in the middle and you can't help but laugh imagining your father cutting a check for all of them.

To much of yours and Eddie's delight, there is an open bar that is stacked high with pricey alcohol. Again you laugh thinking about your father having to pay the tab, which you and Eddie will be happy to run up.

So far this is the most the two of you had fun, both laughing and enjoying the company that's around you. The table you've been stuck at is also occupied by other family rejects that enjoy the titles they've been given.

Eddie's hand hasn't left your thigh, which you're more than happy about, and every so often he flexes his fingers squeezing the meaty flesh.

You feel good, the boost from the drinks and the feeling of your best friend makes you bloom like a flower in the spring. You watch as he talks to the people at your table and how his hand moves with enthusiasm. You trace the muscles in his neck and watch his adam's apple bob up and down when he speaks. Your chin sits in the palm of your hand as you watch him be himself like he always is.

He's so beautiful, he always has been, and in this moment he gets to be yours. You don't have to think about what anyone else thinks, you don't have to question how the two of you look from another's perception, because you know that your heart bleeds for him and it always will.

Eddie's your home, he's your best friend, and he's your person. You think back to what he said to you this morning and how he called you a blessing but you think he's wrong. Eddie is the true blessing. He's sweet, he's smart, and he's so fucking caring it's disgusting. Behind all the jagged features and dark clothes, he's nothing but a giant teddy bear that wears his heart on his sleeve.

"Birdie." He smiles at you, all goo and mush it makes your heart skip.

You hum in response, still sitting in the same position, looking at him as if he were a painting.

"You wanna dance?" He blushes, embarrassed by the request and you feel like you're back in junior high.

"You, Eddie Munson hate dancing." You say, scrunching your nose cutely.

Laughing loudly, he nods, "Yeah, I know, but I'd dance with you."

That breaks you out of your daze, breath catching in your throat. "O-oh, yeah. I'll um dance."

Again he stands, holding a palm out to you so he can help you up. Leaning you to the dance floor, you can't help but feel jittery despite the wine that you've consumed.

Once out on the floor, he pulls you into his chest. Strong hands grip your waist through the silk fabric of your red dress and you desperately try to fight the need that rises in your guy.

You stand stiff, unsure of what to do with yourself and Eddie's quick to help you, placing your hands around his neck where they lay contently.

He looks good tonight, even better than last night, and you hate how it makes butterflies flap around in your stomach. The black button up shirt sits nicely on his torso, wrapping his arms so deliciously you want to take a bite out of them. The black slacks he wears fit nicely and you wonder if he had them tailored and you have to ignore the want to undo the sleek black belt with a bright golden buckle that holds them up. Again his hair sits in a low bun and that silver chain peeks out at you from underneath his collar.

"I can't believe you asked me to dance to Ed Sheeran." You say breathlessly, still nervous with being this close to him.

Eddie snorts, lopsided smile forming on his lips. "What, a guy can't like Ed Sheeran and metal? That's gatekeeping, sweetheart." He teases.

Rolling your eyes, you try to ignore that tingle that settles in your cheeks. "Whatever you say, Munson."

"I'm serious, Thinking Out Loud was in my top ten last year." The two of you hold eye contact until you can't take it anymore, both bursting into laughter at his admission.

"That's something you shouldn’t repeat." You sputter at him and he laughs even harder.

"Hey, I like this song, okay?" He defends, still swaying back and forth with you.

Raising your hands in defense, you pull back on your clowning for the sake of your friend. Placing your arms back around his neck, you lean your head on his chest and try to hear the beat of his heart.

The scent of him floods your nose, cologne and smoke, whiskey and linen, and you wish you could bottle it to keep forever.

"Why do you like this song anyway? It's kind of basic." You mutter at him.

His shoulders lift in a shrug, and he takes a moment to respond. "Honestly, I like it cause it reminds me of you."

Your eyebrows furrow in confusion and you remove your head to look up at him.

"Wha'do you mean?" You mumble, eyes searching his for some sort of answer.

Looking bashful again, red tints his cheeks and ears in a blush. Sticking his tongue out to wet his lips, he hesitantly answers.

"I always felt like he said everything I couldn't, ya know? Everything I ever wanted to say to you, he put in a song."

It feels like the whole world stops, that time freezes and it's just the two of you. You're in shock and for some reason you can't wrap your head around anything he's saying.

"What?" You say harshly and again he shrugs, shying away from your burning focus on him.

"Reminds me of you and everything I ever felt about you. I always wanted to call you mine but if you hadn't noticed, I'm a chicken shit."

You don't say anything, instead you stare at him with your mouth wide open. Eddie starts to loose his cool, frantically flexing his fingers against the material of your dress, looking around at anything but you.

"Sorry, I - shit, I really fucked this up," He doesn't get to finish his sputtering apology because you quickly smash your lips into his.

His lips taste like brown liquor and chapstick, like love and forever, and you can't believe you waited this long to experience it. Two heart sync as one, two people fall together like the leaves outside, and anxieties are finally laid to rest.

You hate that you pull away first but the need for air is too much. Eddie bends enough so that his forehead leans on yours, both looking into each other eyes living in the moment of your blissed out hearts.

"Tell me if I'm being too forward but do you wanna get out of here?" He flirts and you respond simply by pecking his lips once more.

"Thought you'd never ask."

thank you all for reading!!! love you guys <3

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[omegalomania]

so im sure everyones fully well aware of the magic 8 ball site fob is using to promote a contest to win some tickets to see them in nashville. the little 8ball widget theyve got in browser is also modeled on the physical 8ball that they had in the vip merch packages for tourdust's first leg, which is cool! but of particular note is the way that, to fill out the contest form, you have to pick your favorite fall out boy songs. and the sheer breadth of what is allowed is...interesting? it's not cohesive by any means, but it is really wild the selection of songs they have here because not all of them are fob songs. in fact, quite a few of them aren't.

i went directly to the source code and got a full list of all possible songs that you could input (which you can check for yourself by right-clicking and selecting "view source"). i'm going to list them here for archival purposes, with a few notes/explanations cause some of these are WILD.

there are 187 songs total listed.

bolded songs indicate songs that are demos or never received an official release

italicized songs are songs by other bands

underlined songs indicate songs that are covers

songs with an asterisk beside them (*) indicate they are from patrick's solo catalogue. two asterisks (**) are for pete's.

additional commentary by me will be [in brackets]

20 Dollar Nose Bleed 27 7 Minutes in Heaven (Atavan Halen) 7-9 Legendary A Little Less Sixteen Candles, a Little More "Touch Me" A Nice Myth [one of the earliest fall out boy demos, found on their first ep, and only the casette version at that] Allie* Alone Together Alpha Dog America's Suitehearts American Beauty/American Psycho (song) American Made Art of Keeping Up Disappearances As Long as I Know I'm Getting Paid* Austin, We Have a Problem Baby Annihilation Bad Side of 25* Bang the Doldrums Beat It Big Hype* Bishops Knife Trick Bob Dylan Bounce [this is a song that came out on then-Decaydance labelmates The Cab's debut record, Whisper War, which patrick produced. he has writing credit and also is credited with background vocals (and also shows up in the music video)] Caffeine Cold Calm Before the Storm Centuries Champagne for My Real Friends, Real Pain for My Sham Friends Champion Check Your Phone** Chicago is So Two Years Ago Church City in a Garden Coast (It's Gonna Get Better)* Coffee's for Closers Cryptozoology* Cute Girls* Cyanide** [this is a nothing,nowhere song that pete did some spoken word parts and backing vocals on] Dance Miserable* Dance, Dance Dead on Arrival Dear Future Self (Hands Up) Death Valley Deep Blue Love* [song patrick did for the indie short film "spell"] Demigods Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes Don't You Know Who I Think I Am? Electric Touch [the (in?)famous taylor swift song patrick featured on] Eternal Summer Everybody Wants Somebody* Explode* Fake Out Fame Less than Infamy Favorite Record Fellowship of the Nerd [this is an alternate title for world's not waiting, as far as i can tell] Flu Game Flu Game [yes flu game is listed twice for some reason] Footprints in the Snow [demo from the Llamania ep] Fourth of July From Now on We Are Enemies G.I.N.A.S.F.S. Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part to Save the Scene and Stop Going to Shows) Ghostbusters (I'm Not Afraid) Golden Grand Theft Autumn/Where Is Your Boy Greed* Grenade Jumper Grow Up and Be Kids [this song is on The Cab's sophomore album Symphony Soldier, which release after they left decaydance. nonetheless, pete does have some writing credits on it. give it a listen and you'll hear for yourself in the first 10 seconds or so] Growing Up Hand Crushed by a Mallet [this is a remix of the 100gecs song of the same name; patrick did some vocals for it] Hand of God Have I Got a Gift for You* [song patrick did for the horror movie black friday] Headfirst Slide into Cooperstown on a Bad Bet Heartbreak Feels So Good Heaven's Gate Heaven, Iowa Hold Me Like a Grudge Hold Me Tight or Don't Homesick at Space Camp Honorable Mention Hot to the Touch, Cold on the Inside Hum Hallelujah I Am My Own Muse I Don't Care

I Got Nothing, But You Got Something [this is the one that really perplexes me. there's no evidence of this song actually existing, other than an unverified genius post and an article on a single fandom wiki. it is inexplicably listed here despite its very existence being questionable at best.]

I Slept with Someone in Fall Out Boy and All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me) I'm Like a Lawyer with the Way I'm Always Trying to Get You Off (Me & You) I've Been Waiting [this is technically a lil peep song with fall out boy as a feature] I've Got a Dark Alley and a Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth (Summer Song) I've Got All This Ringing in My Ears and None on My Fingers Immortals Irresistible It's Hard to Say 'I Do', When I Don't It's Not a Side Effect of the Cocaine, I Am Thinking It Must Be Love Jet Pack Blues Just One Yesterday Lake Effect Kid (song) Lake Shore Drive [this is a song patrick covered on the piano at wrigley, first night of tourdust] Love from the Other Side Love Will Tear Us Apart Love, Selfish Love* Love, Sex, Death Lullabye Mad at Nothing* Miss Missing You Moving Pictures My Heart Is the Worst Kind of Weapon My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light Em Up) New Dreams [this is a bonus track on pax am days, a naked rayguns cover] Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner Novocaine Of All the Gin Joints in All the World One of Those Nights [another song from the cab's whisper war. this one has patrick doing vocals very prominently] Open Happiness [this was a huge collaborative piece done for a coca cola commercial. patrick was on it along with big names like cee lo green, janelle monae, and labelmates travie mccoy and brendon urie] Our Lawyer Made Us Change the Name of This Song So We Wouldn't Get Sued Parker Lewis Can't Lose (But I'm Gonna Give It My Best Shot) Past Life [llamania ep] Pavlove People Never Done a Good Thing* Porcelain* Pretty in Punk Rat a Tat Reinventing the Wheel to Run Myself Over Roxanne Run Dry (X Heart X Fingers)* San Diego [this is a blink-182 song that patrick did some writing for] Saturday Saturday Night Again* Save Rock and Roll (song) Sending Postcards from a Plane Crash (Wish You Were Here) She's My Winona Short, Fast, and Loud Snitches and Talkers Get Stitches and Walkers So Good Right Now So Much (For) Stardust (song) So Sick [this is a song patrick has exclusively covered live, so it's a fascinating inclusion] Sober [another blink-182 song patrick did some writing for] Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year Star 67 Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea Sugar, We're Goin Down Summer Days (song) [this is a martin garrix song patrick lent some vocals to] Sunshine Riptide Super Fade Switchblades and Infidelity Tell That Mick He Just Made My List of Things to Do Today The "I" In Lie* The (After) Life of the Party The (Shipped) Gold Standard The Carpal Tunnel of Love The Kids Aren't Alright The Kintsugi Kid (Ten Years) The Last of the Real Ones The Mighty Fall The Music or the Misery The Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes The Phoenix The Pink Seashell The Pros and Cons of Breathing The Take Over, the Breaks Over The World's Not Waiting (For Five Tired Boys in a Broken Down Van) This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race This City* Thnks fr th Mmrs (song) [for some reason the site specifies song here, despite that not being necessary. the only other times this distinction is relevant is when songs share a title with their albums, i.e. save rock and roll] Thriller Tiffany Blews Twin Skeleton's (Hotel in NYC) Uma Thurman Untitled 1 (Colorado Song) Untitled 2 (Jakus Song) [both of these are recently released tttyg era demos] W.A.M.S. We Didn't Start the Fire We Don’t Take Hits, We Write Them [this is a song that famously was only ever performed live. we don't have a studio recording or even a demo, as only live versions exist] We Were Doomed from the Start (The King is Dead) West Coast Smoker What a Catch, Donnie What a Time To Be Alive What's This? When I Made You Cry* Where Did the Party Go Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) Wrong Side of Paradise [llamania ep] XO You're Crashing, But You're No Wave Young and Menace Young Volcanoes Yule Shoot Your Eye Out

in conclusion i have no idea who compiled this list. it doesn't include every song patrick and pete have ever touched (notice the lack of gym class heroes, cobra starship, and hush sound discography) but it has a really weird selection of songs. i mean, blink songs patrick wrote on?? its bizarre.

anyway do you think if we mass request swing me by the rafters they'll have to do it

[starry-bi-sky]

i have... ✨Danyal Al Ghul Headcanons✨ but specifically for my yaelokre danyal oneshot

There's also the tumblr post here but I recommend the link in the title because its the ao3 version, and that one is edited and has some stuff in it that's not in the tumblr post, and will be the version I'm using.

So for summary: this Danyal is also from a Demon Siblings Au where Danny is five years older than Damian. However, things turned out a bit differently, and Danny and Damian had a fantastic relationship with one another. Danny loved music and regularly came up with songs to sing to Damian with. Specifically the folk band Yaelokre's EP "Hayfields" (seriously go fucking listen to it its sooo good. Harpy Hare is the second song but its my favorite. Special shoutout to @gascansposts for introducing the band to me)

He falls off a train when he's twelve and Damian is seven while the two of them and Talia are on mission. He ends up with magically induced amnesia and wakes up in Arkansas while the Fentons are on their yearly Divorce-iversary visit to Aunt Alica, and since he can only remember his name, he ends up being taken into their care.

---------------

Yaelokre Danny has the same facial scar as Things in Threes Danyal, since he was initially another version of him where things turned out better. I'm debating on whether or not I should take it away however, and give him a different scar (maybe from when he fell off the train?), just because the scar is a pretty key identifier for Ti3 Danyal.

-----------------

Danny frequently visits Aunt Alicia in Arkansas! Well, only after he gets settled in and stuff. He doesn't really like the city that much and prefers the countryside where Alicia lives. I know she lives in a cabin but I'm changing it to a farm, so she puts Danny to work and gets him to help her.

I don't want to confine his hobbies to only being star stuff, because people tend to have more than one hobby and I feel like it reduces him to one-dimensionality, so he likes to garden, and learns guitar. His room becomes filled with plants, and he turns their roof into a rooftop greenhouse right below to OPS Center.

He has a complex relationship with the weapons from his past, but he's not... like... appalled by it? When he finds his weapons in the Fenton attic all he thinks is that they're his weapons, and he starts carrying a knife on him afterwards. Essentially he becomes fascinated with weaponry because its one of the few physical ties he has to his past, and while he's not training like he is in the League, he allows his strong muscle memory to guide him through his katas.

Danny likes climbing things. This causes Problems For Everyone Else.

----------------

Danny was not the "kinder Al Ghul" in the League. His kindness extended to his brother and family, and that's it. To everyone else he had high expectations out of them, and the pride you'd expect from the grandson of Ra's Al Ghul and trained by its top members. While he wasn't like, unnecessarily cruel or anything, he wasn't merciful either.

This transfers post-train fall as him coming off as no-nonsense and unforgiving. He's not fond of the idea of giving people second chances, and is skeptical of the idea. He's disgusted by incompetency and views it as an unforgivable offense, especially if he thinks that the person should know better, although he's not sure why. Some egocentrism for the soul.

He doesn't like being touched by anyone who isn't family, and gets irritated when anyone grabs him or holds onto him for extended amounts of time. Dash has gotten hit so many times. With Jack Fenton's tendency for abrupt physical affection, it doesn't make it any better. I'd argue it'd make it worse because Danny doesn't want to be touched more often than not.

------------------

Danyal had a red scarf in the League that he wore on his last mission, it came off before he fell off and caught itself on the roof. Damian still has it and took it with him to Wayne Manor. He's got it locked in his room and takes it out when he's alone and missing Danny the most. One time he forgot to put it away before leaving his room, and Dick was visiting the manor for something and found it. Damian found him holding it and freaked out.

Dick could only say "I've never seen you wear this, Damian, this is really pretty--" before Damian shoved him to the floor and stole it out of his hands, before screaming at him; "Don't touch this! You don't ever touch this! This is mine! You hear me!?"

It caused such a commotion that the rest of the family present came to see what the fuss was about, and Damian kicked them all out of his room. Dick is the one brother Damian's the closest with, so the fact he reacted so strongly shocked them all.

This is likely what leads to the "Danyal" conversation.

[prettyoddfever]

the 2 different Time to Dance demos

The garageband demo of It's Time to Dance was posted to purevolume around October 24, 2004. Pete posted this on November 28th after listening to Panic's purevolume and then met them in Vegas around the following weekend. Then Panic went to visit Fall Out Boy in LA in mid-December 2004. That's the mansoup moment & when Brendon did his vocals for 7 Minutes in Heaven.

Then on January 13, 2005 P!ATD said they were heading into the studio to record It’s Time To Dance as a band. It sounded like they went back to visit Pete in LA to record a professional second version of the demo that could be used for promotional materials.

Pete shared these pictures on the Clandestine buzznet on January 15th. The first one said "in the lab with the scientists in panic" with the caption "your next favorite band. i promise." The second one said "satanic panic at the disco."

Pete's caption for the last picture was “if james van der beek and gerard from my chemical romance had a baby – it would be the human holding this bass guitar. sick bra, brah.”

Ryan posted on livejournal on January 23 that "pete put a shitty picture of us up on the clandestine site. go make fun of it. brendon is wearing a bra."

Pete re-shared this picture on his blog in 2008 with the caption "arent you glad i was there from the very start with a camera in hand at all times. these are really some of my best friends on the planet."

(x) a relevant interview excerpt:

Pete Wentz: “and then you guys came out and stayed with me and Patrick at the Oakwoods to record Time to Dance. You stayed up all night I think playing video games.”

Brendon: “Yeah, man, I was away from my parents, you guys had ALL the video games! We started putting bras on, taking weird pictures and crap… it got weird!” 

Pete also told Nylon in 2006: “When we were living in L.A. they came over to hang out and I wanted to take hilarious pictures of them. Nobody knew how big they’d get at that point so I dressed them up in this ridiculous stuff. They were wearing these crazy hip-hop jackets. One of them was wearing a bra…”

Anyways, Ryan posted on livejournal on January 19th that they'd recorded a full band version of time to dance last week. The official demo for “Its Time To dance (cause boys will be boys)” was posted on purevolume the next day. That’s the version that was used on the FBR spring sampler and even played on some radio stations that year before the album came out. I guess I sort of view the original demo as the demo and the second version as It's Time to Dance... like it gets the title and feels like its own song because of how heavily it was used (even this dang site had it playing in the background). It’s also worth noting that Ryan referred to the song as just “time to dance” in his 1/19 post, while FBR's spring sampler still said “It’s Time to Dance." So the final name change wasn't as unexpected as Relax Relapse jumping to Camisado ha.

[artist-issues]

idk anything about 21 pilots, but you talk about them a lot and they seem cool!! Who are they and what are they about and where do i get started in their music 😁

GIRL

These kinds of questions make me so happy. People who know me in real life organically ask me to talk about movies and stuff sometimes, but never bands, and when they find out I like twenty one pilots, never them 😂

Anyway,

Twenty one pilots is a roughly 15 year-old band led by Tyler Joseph, who used to be an intern at Five14 Church (New Albany Church) in Columbus, Ohio, and a rising basketball star in his schooling. Then, my understanding is, he taught himself how to play piano, got interested in/wrote songs during his senior year of high school, and then eventually dropped out of college to pursue making music full time. The band is named after a play by Arthur Miller called “All My Sons.” Tyler Joseph studied it in school—he was inspired by the plot of having to make a hard decision that ultimately costs lives…and you can hear through all the songs the sense of urgency, and the way the lead singer is convinced that every single choice you make can have dire consequences.

At the start of the band, it had him and two other members. Their first album is called “Twenty One Pilots,” and it has sick album art that everybody loves:

The band played local shows (like in literal houses and backyards and stuff) and were mostly performing songs from this album. My favorite twenty one pilots song is on this album: it’s called Addict With a Pen.

(Specifically, my favorite is this version of him performing it live several years after its release, which I saw after returning from the camp where I got saved.)

In those early years, twenty one pilots performed songs off of Self-Titled. But they also did a few that Tyler Joseph wrote independently, the ones not featured on the album.

One of the songs that he wrote that isn’t on this album was written when he was in high school before he had a band. It’s called “Save.” He probably recorded it in the early 2000s, but if I don’t have my years mixed up, I didn’t hear that song until I was 14-turning-15 in the year 2011. And it, along with another song of his called “Clear,” played with it, was the first song I ever heard by twenty one pilots. I heard it the week I gave my life to Christ. Save is a gut-scream song about the need to be saved. It’s hard to listen to. But in the context I heard it in, I needed to be hearing the idea of “needing salvation” in that extreme and real of a voice. So I love it.

Clear is about Tyler Joseph’s struggle with trying to figure out if it’s better to get people thinking with cryptic lyrics about their need for a savior—OR should he just come out and say, “I’m a Christian, I believe Jesus Christ is what you need, please believe in Him like I did?” He winds up settling on the first option (sometimes I wish he hadn’t) and “telling the audience what he can,” and not pushing it on them when they “let him know when they’ve had enough.”

Clear planted the germs in my brain that led to me considering art, and then storytelling as a tool to deliver hard truth “under the eyes of watchful dragons.” He talks about the concept of Romans 7 using the philosophy of disguising his words, like in Clear, in this interview, which, when I saw the part at about 9 minutes, made me start paying attention to Tyler Joseph as a person instead of just listening to his music.

Anyway. Back to the band.

One of these independent songs, NOT on the original album of the band, was called “Time to Say Goodbye,” and it has a pretty intense ‘cycle of knowing you’re messed up (like really messed up. suicide attempt and purposeless darkness levels of messed up) -> unable to fix it on your own -> trying anyway -> failing -> driven to accept Christ’s ability to kill the old you so you can live for something bigger than your messed-up self’ concept in the lyrics.

That whole progression, the “Romans 7 Progression,” I think of it as, winds up being one of the strongest recurring themes in every album afterward.

But I bring it up because the legend is, when performing that song, Time to Say Goodbye, at a little venue, Josh Dun, who already had some experience drumming in a different Christian band, saw twenty one pilots for the first time. And he thought the song and Tyler were brilliant. The current drummer of the band introduced him to Tyler, and when everybody in the band except Tyler quit, Josh Dun quit his job with no fallback plan and became the drummer of twenty one pilots. Since then, they have been a two-man band.

They have their own genre, because they’re both self-taught, and one of the identifying factors of the band is that both Josh Dun and Tyler Joseph are intensely opposed to giving in to the draw of “Fame” or “Success.” They stubbornly insist that they just make music they like. Whatever, that’s not unique, lots of bands are punk rock and go “fight the power, we don’t care what anybody thinks, etc.”

But then you listen to Tyler Joseph adding screamo and ukulele and rap over…like, church-piano, and you hear him say things like, “I just rap because I needed to fit a lot of words in, and also my brother likes fast rap.” and you go, “oh. They meant it. They don’t know how any of this works and they just do what they like.”

Especially in their early stuff.

I “got into” twenty one pilots in the year 2011. That’s the same year they signed to a record label. They produced what I think is their best album, “Vessel,” (nobody agrees with me.)

I could break down every song on the album but nobody wants that and nobody would read it, so I’ll just say; it has deeper exploration of the band’s same themes:

Be Introspective - All the time, the lead singer is writing lyrics that urgently explore the dark corners of his own fear, doubt, and insecurity—and then he flips it around and begs his listeners to be introspective, too, because “there’s something you desperately need.” It’s this idea of not running from your emotions, but letting them drive you to what you need. (He’s never clear about what that is, though, beyond the general word “faith.”)

Focus on Your Purpose - They insist that being introspective should lead to picking what you believe, and living it out to make the most of your time.

What Music Should Be For - The lyrics are all about how music should be used to fight darkness, because it can be exorcism of your inner demons, and a rallying cry to gather around and show you that you’re not the only person who has demons. With that in mind, the band is consistently opposed to “heartless,” “mindless” music that’s just there to make you dance or indulge.

Peace Wins, Fear Loses - This theme is where they usually get closest to their Christian roots. The pattern, like I said, is the Romans 7 Cycle: I’m afraid of who I am because the digger I deep, the darker and crazier I am…but I don’t have to act on that fear. I can just throw myself at the mercy of…._____ which brings peace. Peace wins, fear loses. (After signing to the record label, Tyler Joseph went full-on into the idea in Clear of never saying point-blank that Jesus is the answer. He hints and alludes. But from that moment on, he disguises Biblical principles in zombie-and-darkness metaphors. And he hasn’t stopped doing that since 2011.)

Doubt - A recurring theme that actually has nothing to do with the audience is “doubt.” Tyler Joseph exorcises his issues with not being able to physically see God, and doubting His existence (usually because of a lack of feeling), or doubting His ability to wash Tyler clean, in his songs. All the time. Just…constantly. He sings about it so often. Which, on the one hand, is cool, because many Christian artists sing about the resolve to have faith in the face of doubt. They don’t sing so much about the feeling and the addiction to doubt that comes with doubt. If that makes sense. But on the other hand, that’s not cool—because when you only talk about the fact that you have doubts, but you don’t ever resolve them, then what you’re doing is you’re constantly rolling around in the problem without ever introducing the solution.

It’s worth noting that I think their very best song of all time is on this album, and it’s “Holding Onto You.”

It’s their full Romans 7 Cycle in a way that addresses doubt, too. The imagery is everything I love about twenty one pilots, which I would sum up as:

“Use dark imagery to prove how defeatable darkness can be.”

I like that kind of imagery for the same reasons I like Halloween.

People started noticing the band, mainstream, worldwide, in 2015, though. When they released “Blurryface.”

They did it in such a cool way. The band loves giving their fans a sense of “uncovering” what they’re doing next. That gives the fans a sense of ownership—like they’re a part of what the band is creating. And, it makes them want to investigate the concepts in the songs—which is one step closer to examining what they believe. Organically.

Anyway. They accomplished this before Blurryface, is I remember correctly, by making a Twitter account for this mysterious character. They’d livestream Tyler and Josh from the perspective of an unseen, loudly breathing third person. Or the feed would just be a dark shot of the woods. No explanations. At one point I think I remember “he” even started “hacking” popular fans’ accounts and making posts in-character. He always spells things in all caps, with words misspelled or smashed together. And he’d tease new songs that would be on the new album.

And then, BAM, Blurryface the album drops, and it’s a smash hit. Every single song. The band had never seen that level of success before, and all of it is very ironic, because the album concept is this: “Tyler Joseph puts a name to his Insecurities, who want him dead, and battles them.”

So the whole “album cycle,” and all through tour, Tyler Joseph wears inky black paint on his hands and throat, because anxiety gives him the feeling of suffocating. Red is also the signature color of the character representing his dark side, his insecurity: “Blurryface.”

Twenty one pilots have been very intentionally deciding what shirts they wear and what visuals they use from the beginning. Josh was always wearing something alien-associated, and Tyler was always something undead, for example. But this was a whole other level of performance art. During concerts, Tyler Joseph would start out wearing his black paint thick around his neck and hands. But as the live show went on, naturally because of sweat, the paint would get thinner and thinner. So by the end of the show, the feeling is that “Blurryface” has been defeated.

I made a huge post about ranking the Blurryface songs, if you ever have nothing to do for an absurd amount of time and feel like listening to the songs. But those songs are what most people know twenty one pilots by.

Then they took an intensely long hiatus, (I mean. One year of no public appearances.) after the success of Blurryface. I remember wondering if they were ever going to make music again, and thinking “maybe they’re the perfect band” because in my high-school-entering-college opinion, they’d never written a bad song or done anything remotely uncool or worth hating from 2009-2016, so if they never made music again they’d have gone out on top. Plus, at that point, Tyler had married, and, feeling a Christian kinship with him, I had a vague biased opinion that maybe he’d want to settle in with his family and quit the fame game.

But NO. They weren’t done! In 2018, the fans discovered this hidden website associated with the band, and you could read letters written by a new character named Clancy. They were about this whole new world Tyler Joseph created, called “Trench,” which consequently became the name of their next album. This was a full-blown concept album. It was a deeper exploration, not of the Romans 7 Cycle that always made me love their lyrics…but more like an exploration of “how do suicidal thoughts and self-focus captivate you, and what lies do they use…and can you ever really escape them?”

There was also a much tighter focus on suicide being the big idealogical villain, the antithesis, of the band. “Stay alive” and the topic of suicide were always discussed in the rest of the band’s songs. But the momentum of this album seemed very, very specifically targeted at the issue this time. There’s a whole song dedicated to it called Neon Gravestones in the smack middle of the album.

Which is great. I’m glad. It’s awesome. But it’s like…”what’s the answer?” Way back in “Time to Say Goodbye,” the answer is “replace physical life-taking with spiritual self-sacrifice and rebirth.” But Trench, and its whole concept, was specifically engineered to leave you with no clear answer to the problem presented.

Worst of all, Tyler Joseph mentioned, in his vague noncommittal way, that this album saw him flirting with the idea of “a world with no God” and “loss of faith.” But he never really said he wasn’t a Christian anymore, and songs like Morph seem to suggest the opposite.

Anyway. The album’s excellent “story,” with its notes of Shawshank Redemption and The Village and 1984 ended on a cliffhanger. The character Clancy kept trying to escape with the help of a rebellion, and kept getting captured, but he always had this sort of confused resolve to “keep going.”

The next album was weird. They flipped all of their usual imagery on it’s head, from marketing style choices to the literal clothes they wore to tiny things, like whether or not Tyler was standing on Josh’s left or Josh’s right in promotional material. And all of that was intentional. Which is why I’m obsessed with them.

I love this album because I love them and their intentionality. I don’t love it for any other reason; there’s nothing about this album that is “twenty one pilots” aside from what I just said; they are doing all of that reverse-psychology stuff intentionally. In-story, this is still a continuation of Trench; the idea is that Clancy has been captured and the whole album is propaganda from the villains. So that’s neat. But anyone who didn’t know that, and just remembered twenty one pilots from Stressed Out and punk rock were like, “what happened to twenty one pilots? What’s wrong with them?”

The album does this thing that they used to do a lot as like a meta-nod at music—they would make songs with upbeat melodies and happy sounds, but the lyrics would be about insecurity and darkness and doubt. They did that on purpose. But Scaled and Icy took that tongue-in-cheek style and made it the whole album. Plus, it released during COVID. So on top of all the chaos going on in the world, this band that usually releases music that slaps you upside the head and says, “THINK. THINK ABOUT HOW SELF-CONTRADICTORY YOU ARE. THINK ABOUT THE DARKNESS AND HOW TO GET OUT OF IT.” suddenly releases an album that’s more like, “Hey everything is fiiiine.”

This album is pretty godless. But again, this was also the album that has nothing to do with anything serious or real—on purpose—except in a reverse-psychology way. It was all on purpose.

Fast-forward to today. Clancy just released. It’s supposed to be the end of this “story” that started with Blurryface overtly, and the concepts that started in Vessel. Musically, concept-wise, it’s a return to form. They do that thing where they switch up the tempo when you’re not expecting it. You can’t pin it down to any one genre. There’s deep, dark imagery. And the story is back, not with hidden clues, but with in-your-face costumes and a music video for every song.

But the problem is, it won’t end. They said this was the end, and I thought, “if anything forces an artist to use clarity, it’s the end of a story. You have to commit to an ending. You have to say what you believe.” And that’s all I’ve been wishing would happen since 2017, when I started feeling less like “I relate to those dark thoughts and doubts,” and more like, “I’m worried about them.” Because clarity denotes security in what you believe. And the whole “battle” has been against insecurity. And to that extent, doubt.

It’s not happening, though. They released the last music video, and it really looks like the end of the story is, “and the cycle continues.” Now, there’s been hints that they’ll end the story after tour season, maybe by releasing an additional single, or some wishful thinkers are even saying “DELUXE ALBUM!!” But for now, it’s another cliffhanger-maybe-unsatisfying-ending.

The further away they’ve gotten from releasing the song “Clear,” the further away the focus seems to get from “darkness is defeatable.” And they left “it’s defeatable specifically by God” in the rear view mirror first.

And the thing is…I worry about that. Because it really looks like he’s just playing the field. That he started off with the intent to share Christ with people very genuinely, through the gift he was given in writing and music and even the gift he was given in struggling through darkness. And his strategy was, “I’ll use art to help people trust me, and then I’ll share what I’ve learned about the Truth (Jesus.)” But then…I mean, from the outside, it looks like they got popular. And they got popular by talking about their struggles. So how do I know he hasn’t just slipped into a cycle of doubting, then instead of letting brokenness and doubt drive him back to Christ, and pull others along with him, he sits in brokenness and doubt because he’s relying on the people who relate? He’s choosing to lean on crowds of people who feel the same way he does, cheering his songs back at him, as his support, when he used to lean on Christ?

And now he can’t even see his way back to what looked like (to me) the original intent—he says things like “I don’t think I’ll ever come out and say, ‘hey I found the answers, here they are, follow me,” in interviews. He skirts. He says, “stay alive, find your purpose, decide what you believe,” but he doesn’t say “here’s why you should stay alive, here’s what your purpose is, here’s what’s worth believing in, here’s where genuine life comes from.”

So now he gets to tell all his original (and several largely Christian) fans, “I haven’t abandoned Christ, I just struggle with doubt and I don’t want to alienate my friends (the point of the song Heathens.)” But he turns right around and says to his non-believing fan base, “I’m not telling you what to believe—in fact, maybe I’m not even sure of what I believe.”

And at some point, that stops being genuine. I think. I don’t think he’s reached the point where he’s not genuine yet. I don’t believe that of Tyler Joseph. I think he’s still not sure he wants to sing, with all the conviction it would take, about how Jesus is the ONLY way, when he himself feels like he struggles so much with doubt. How do you lead people where you’re imperfectly going? He has a handle on not committing suicide. So he leads them there, as far as he can. But…still. There’s life beyond this life. There’s EITHER life or death beyond this death. At some point, does he believe that, or not? Is he going to keep using his gift to supply bandaids to cannonball wounds, or not?

But I have basically been a nervous wreck whenever I think about them, the backing soundtrack of my growing years, since 2017.

I have enormous amounts of respect and this familial loyalty-feeling for both Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun (Tyler more so, because of his impact on me through his individually-released songs when I was in high school and then up through college.) I look at them on like, MTV and junk and have the same familiar, adoring, well-wishing feeling I did when a friend I knew went on to be moderately famous.

And all that to say, I love them, I don’t think any other band can do what they do or has done what they’ve done, and they’re my unmatched favorite. But I can acknowledge that there’s something that might be rotting in there, now. Something that didn’t used to be this way. And you just can’t keep going so long, claiming you’re talking about hope, without standing up for the Source of Hope. That’s all probably way more than you wanted to know. But thank you for letting me vent it all, even if you didn’t get to the bottom!

[nnnyxie]

More Fan!Izuku because it’s sO good-

Imagine Fan!izu x Streamer!Reader..basing this off of myself shamelessly🤭 basically reader is like a singer or something…like does choir(me🤭)and sings in bands(also me🤞) and musical theater(surprise, me‼️)..also plays an instrument…but something fancy like harp yk?(I Play the harp💅) And they do like cosy lil streams of just singing and playing their instrument and Izu as the busy lil hero he is just likes their voice it somehow enchants him??? Helps him relax and calm down and he just loves hearing it and rewinding to it after a long day and reader ofcourse a loyal Deku fan but because reader is ✨shy✨ they don’t show their face while streaming (I just love any kind of reveals of identity idk) and they also keep their background minimal to not give away anything about them but one das they just have a little fangirling moment showing off their new favorite Deku Figurine and hearing praise from them drives Izu insane(in a good way) and yeah idk hope that gives you a good baseeee

#𖢥 izuku anon

omg choir twinsies !!

(also i love the harp??? i have NO CLUE how to play but it’s just so!!!! ahhh!!!! it’s so pretty look and sound wise)

so yk that one artist that does the omnichord songs?? so like— that’s what you do EXCEPT!!

it’s not the omnichord!! it’s the harp!!!

rn i’m a teensy bit obsessed with lana del ray and mitski so!!! you mainly perform their songs <3

i wholeheartedly believe izuku is ‘i bet on losing dogs’ by mitski and ‘dark paradise’ by lana del ray personified!!! (lowkey projecting?)

our dear boy loves when you perform their songs. he’s tried listening to the original artists but— your covers just hit different yk?? your covers are just so pretty!!

he found you thanks to ochako and mina!! one day they were talking about streamers and youtubers they watch (because mina games obvi) and ochako talked about your streams and your channel!! she talked about how your musical talent was amazing and how soft your voice was!! izuku loves trying out things his friends like so he decided to give you a shot!!!

and he just fell in love— the moment you said ‘hi’, he felt like fainting.

from then on, he started falling asleep to your videos, and tuning into your streams when he had the free time.

from time to time you’ll do asmr streams. like whispering and talking about your day!! talking about some of the new things you’ve gotten or some of your favorite heroes!!

when you do these asmr streams they always somehow lead to you ranting about pro hero deku!!

izuku usually isn’t around when you do these asmr streams but today??? this night??? right now??? he can!! and he most definitely will!! he was lucky enough to have today off and spent the majority of the day binging your videos while catching up on sleep.

anyways

he was cooking dinner (i like to think that he cooks dinner for his mom when he visits) when he heard a ‘ting’ (he keeps his sound notifs on for work!!)

he went to check it andddd it was a twitch notif from your channel!! the title being:

asmr chat pt.15 ; p.o. box

he’s quick to open the app, immediately pressing on your streaming clip.

“hello everyone!” you whispered. only your desk showed. it had various bags and wrapped boxes on top. “i was sent gifts through my p.o. box and i’ve decided to open them on stream.” you ran your hands over a box. “we’ll open this one first!”

as you sifted through each gift, you grew increasingly excited. your fans knew you well— as they all had gotten you some form of pro hero deku merch!!

when it came to your last box, it was a sweatshirt. the fabric was soft and the perfect texture. the design— the design was your favorite. it was black with small, thin green writing of his hero name on the forearms. the upper left front of the jacket had a green outline of his hero helmet. the sweatshirt also had green accents— his signature green on all of this, of course.

“i really appreciate all of these! you all know me so well! ah! i’m seriously in awe of all of these!!” you smiled behind the camera. “i love deku, he’s my favorite hero. ever since he started out, i knew he’d be the best. he’s always saving everyone with a smile, and god— it’s amazing! he’s amazing! i don’t know him personally but i’m sure that he’s just as kind on tv as he is in real life.” you ran your hand over the outline on the sweatshirt. “i bet he’s just as cute too,” you laughed along with the chat. they knew about your big crush on the pro hero and would tease you about it during small talks like this. izuku’s face flushed and it grew hotter as he read through the comments.

oilspill.in.a.cup : manifesting the love of ur life for you bae!!!

veianna.sausagezzz : ur in love w/ him atp just find him nd kiss him

nylie.kei : VEIANNA THATS ASSAULT??

pinky✔︎ : wiggles eyebrows

you laughed as you read through these. “i’ll have to agree with nylie, here. no matter how pretty his lips are, i wouldn’t do that.”

izuku typed out a comment— not sure whether to send it or not. you two have developed a sort of parasocial relationship with one another, a one-sided admiration. though, now it isn’t exactly one-sided.

he decides to send it though. ignoring the absolute anxiety he’s feeling as he waits for your reaction.

midoriya.izuku✔︎ : i dunno, i wouldn’t mind one!

carpool.toenail : AYO!?

vieanna.sausagezzz : SEEEEEEE SEEEEE @/nylie.kei

oilspill.in.a.cup : MANIFESTED 😩🤌

nylie.kei : OHMYGODBSLEVSLDB

pinky✔︎ : IZUKU??????

“oh— uhm. oh.” you were flustered. honestly, you couldn’t speak. you were both extremely embarrassed and very flattered. and very happy that he watches your streams. “uhm i gotta go clean up— see you all later!”

edit;

omg i forgot to add an end note????

ANYWAYS!! had fun writing this heheheh

[silentglassbreak]

Fragmented

Noah Sebastian x OFC

The next chapter of Noah & Leena's story

I was so on the fence about writing a sequel, yet here we are. I saw the sequel in my head, and decided it was worth the write. This story is told from Noah's perspective. This time, I'm going to put warnings in on each individual chapter, as some may not need any. Also - something worth mentioning; the names of each part in the first story were obviously Bad Omens song titles. This time, they will be titles from songs that just inspire me. If you're here, thank you for reading! Leave me your thoughts, and let me know if you'd like to be tagged. xo

Warnings: Just some gool ol' fashioned smut with some kinky stuff added in. (Also mention of marijuana smoking)

+It goes without saying. This is a work of fiction. My words are mine. Plagiarism is a crime.

Taglist: @flowery-mess @lma1986 @myownthoughts12 @poisongirl616 @missduffsblog @reidsblessing

Part 1 - Shame On Me

I've been a morning person my entire life. Even before I was active, and in the shape I'm in now, I was usually risen with the sun. However, after having spent the vast majority of my days the last year running on fumes, I found myself still laying in bed, hugging my pillow, letting my brain drift comfortably in and out of consciousness.

That is, until I felt something tugging at the edge of the blanket I had draped over my midsection.

I rolled over, eyes cracking open, seeing the miniature fingers grasping at me, Addison's eyes bright with a smile plastered across her face.

"Da da da da!" I smiled back at her, sitting up and lifting her onto the bed, flopping her down on the pillow next to me. She giggled wildly and I pulled the blanket up over the both of us.

"Five more minutes, baby girl."

Her tiny hand was pulling at the hem of my tank top, trying to 'wake me up' as I laid there, dramatically snoring.

"Da da!" Her voice was getting angrier, and I laughed.

"Da da's tired, Addie! I get to sleep in!"

"Nooo!" I snorted at one of the few words she had come to learn very well.

"No?!" I grabbed her sides, pinching and tickling her, causing a roaring laughter to burst out of her. Her onesie was wrinkled and nearly popping open at her diaper from how hard she wriggled under my grip. "You don't get to say no to me, lady! I am your Daddy!"

She thrashed her head back and forth, gasping for air between happy squeals.

"Addie, would you let your Daddy sleep?" Mileena's voice floated in from the doorway.

I turned my head, and my hand stopped the torment on Addison. Leena was stood in a pair of black leggings, white crop top exposing her belly button, and her dark brown faded hair now pulled up in a messy bun. She looked so comfortable, so unkempt, and absolutely fucking delicious.

I reached an arm out toward her, earning me a small grin when she walked toward me. She placed a hand in mine, and I pulled her close to me. She bent down, her face stopping only inches from mine.

"Happy Birthday, Noah." Her voice was even, but her eyes were hungry.

With everything we had been through the last few weeks, with shows, Addie's first birthday, a bout of the flu, and Laura announcing she was getting a divorce, there had been very little time for us to be alone. I knew she felt it, but we weren't there yet. We needed to get through today, the Halloween party/birthday celebration, before we had any chance of spending time together.

"Thank you, my love. Happy Halloween."

Leena's eyes lit up. Halloween was her favorite holiday even before her and I met, so getting to have a huge celebration was right up her alley.

After Addison was born, it became abundantly clear that living with a newborn and all of the band members was no longer ideal. Addie was as colicky as they come, keeping everyone up at all hours of the night. The constant crying, mess, and general irritation that it caused made our living arrangements difficult. As much as Uncles Nick, Jolly, and Folio loved baby Addie, they needed a change.

I had offered to move us out, buy a new house, but Nick insisted that they would get a place - promised to be close by - to allow us our space. I was eternally grateful, and will never be able to pay him back for everything he had done for me. Eventually, they moved out, and the house was left for just us.

Aside from the struggle that being new parents took on Leena and I's sex life, it also took a serious toll on our recovery. Nothing sounds better to take the edge off from three-day long sleepless binges than a rum and Coke. Leena confessed her drink of choice was Vodka, and she nearly broke down once, driving to the liquor store, but never making it inside.

We both went back to our meetings once Addie was old enough to be babysat, spending a few hours at a time with either Laura or the guys.

After spending a few more minutes smothering Addie in kisses, I finally began getting out of bed. Leena was folding laundry on the dresser, putting it away meticulously.

"What time is it?"

"Almost noon. Laura will be here in a few hours to pick up Addie for the night." She folded one of my pairs of pants, placing it neatly in the dresser drawer.

I turned my attention back to my daughter, wiggling my eyebrows at her. "Nah, I think she's going to stay here with me. Hang out with Daddy on his birthday!"

Addison squealed, her legs kicking at me. I grabbed her hand and began pretending I was going to eat her fingers.

"As fun as that would be, I don't know that her being here when the sheer amount of musicians in our house come by is such a great idea."

I didn't look at her, still pretending to take bites out of the baby's arm. "What do you mean? Andy loves kids! Oli does too, said Addie was the next Stevie Knicks!"

Mileena shook her head and snorted. "Yeah? Are you referring to the last party, when she was kept awake most of the night, and we had a miserable day afterwards because she was so tired?"

I narrowed my eyes back at her. "Listen, Folio promised he wouldn't play drums this time."

She gave me a look that told me I wasn't winning this.

"You sure she isn't old enough to trick or treat, yet?"

She shook her head at me. "Honey, that's what the trunk or treat last night was for."

I pursed my lips. "Fine, but tomorrow, I'm taking you guys somewhere. Just the three of us, yeah?"

I was standing now, shirtless, and pulled Addie down onto the carpet. She immediately crawled toward Angel laying on the floor.

"That sounds fun." Mileena was bent down, putting one of her shirts in the drawer in the bottom of the dresser.

I walked up behind her, my hand grazing the back of her thigh, coming to rest on the curve of her ass. My touch startled her, making her stand up straight in a flash, her back bumping into my chest.

I took the opportunity to wrap an arm around her middle, pulling her back into me. "Mmm," I hummed into the skin just below her ear. "think Addie's going to nap today?"

Leena pressed her ass against me, pushing into the fabric of my shorts. She leaned her had back against my collarbone, eyes closing comfortably.

"Probably not." Her voice was breathless. "She slept in."

“That’s too fucking bad.” I kept my voice low, glancing at Addie, who was leaned against Angel’s sleeping body, holding her feet in wonder. “Because it’s been so long.” I let my hand graze over the hem of her leggings, slipping a thumb in the waistband.

She groaned. “Noah, don’t start something you can’t finish.” As annoyed as she sounded, she was still pressed against me, hands now gripping my arm where it held her in place.

“Oh, baby, I’m finishing it. The second I get you alone, I’m ripping you to fucking shreds.”

She giggled then, pulling away and turning to peer up at me, her eyes as dark as mine.

“Yeah? You always say that. Yet, somehow, I can still walk afterwards?” Her smirk was devious, and I raised an eyebrow at her.

She chuckled, and picked the laundry basket up from the bed, making her way back toward the hallway.

Oh, she was dead.

-

The living room was buzzing with energy, music playing over the speakers, and conversations filling the air. I stood, leaned against the bannister of the staircase, hands in my pockets. The smell of marijuana permeated the air, which was to be expected.

Hearing we were having ‘dry parties’ didn’t sound like much fun, until people learned we made other accommodations. Although Leena and I didn’t partake, we weren’t opposed to others having a good time.

Speaking of my girl, I had lost her at some point in the night. When Ronnie and Saraya showed up, she had excitedly grabbed the latter’s hand and drug her off to the backyard, where her garden was flourishing. The girls were undoubtedly gossiping. They usually did.

I made my way through the sea of bodies toward my kitchen, where I found Jolly and Nick, ripping a joint, laughing about something I hadn’t heard.

I had to raise my voice for them to hear me. “You seen Leena?”

Jolly exhaled his smoke, a rough cough coming out as he passed it back to Nick. “Last I saw, she was outside talking to Oli.”

I nodded, heading for the back door. I stopped at the dining room table, catching sight of her. Her floor length black, unforgivably tight dress hung so beautifully off of her frame. The sleeves reached her wrists, the neckline plunging disrespectfully. Her, now freshly dyed, black hair was pulled up into a ponytail, the length falling down her back. I drank in the sight of her.

My gaze was disrupted when I saw her hand reach up, grabbing an arm. It was a thick, muscular arm covered in tattoos. I then realized that she was, in fact, talking to Oli. Her lips were pulled in a smile, her teeth flashing. She was laughing. And she was touching him.

He was towering over her. Oliver was nearly as tall as me, his frame poised so you could see the ripples of his chest under his shirt. Something inside me tightened. I didn’t like it.

Stepping outside, I consciously kept myself calm as I approached them. Oli saw me first.

“Hey, there he is! Birthday boy!” His thick accent made me smile, my primitive rage fading slightly.

“Hey, what’s going on guys?”

Leena turned, her body pressing close to me instinctively. “Hey! Oli and I were just talking about that tour you were on with him in Europe?”

I nodded. “Fun stuff, man. Cant wait to do it again.”

Oliver nodded, a lazy smile spread across his face. “Oh yeah, we had that crowd eating out of our hands, man. What a fucking rush.”

Leena giggled at Oli’s excitement, it made my spine stiffen, and my blood run cold.

She shouldn’t be laughing like that, not because of Oliver. That giggle was so high-pitched and squirrely. I didn’t care for that at all. It felt flirtatious.

I knew before Leena and I even got together that Bring Me The Horizon was one of her favorites, of course Oli being, by extension, one of her favorites. However, she was also a huge Falling in Reverse fan, but she sure didn’t giggle like that around Ronnie.

Ronnie was also not Oli Sykes; a big British brute with a natural sense of seduction, whether he was trying to or not. Regardless, I still did not like that laugh, not when it wasn’t pointed at me.

“Hey, could I borrow her for just a few?”

Oliver nodded, clapping a hand on my shoulder. “Well, of course, man! Listen, I’ve got to get out of here anyways, got to head back to the motherland in the morning. Early flight and all that.”

He reached an arm around me first, pulling me into a tough, tight hug. “So good to see you, mate. Come see me on the other side of the pond some time, right?”

I slapped his back while embracing him. “Of course, man. I appreciate you being here.”

Oli excused himself inside the house, leaving Leena and I stood on the patio, alone.

She smiled brightly at me, but I still had this unnerving itch. She must have noticed my stiff demeanor, because her face fell some and she raised an eyebrow.

“You alright, babe?”

I exhaled. “Yeah, why?”

She took a step back, putting a hand on her hip. “Well, you asked Oliver if you could borrow me? And you look irritated?” Her eyes were soft, which contradicted the sass in her stance.

“Mm.” I sucked my teeth and glanced back toward the house. “How is Oliver?”

Anything soft fell right off her face, her eyebrows scrunching together. She saw right through me.

“He’s great.”

I inhaled deeply.

“What did you need to borrow me for, Noah?”

I looked back at her then, realizing I didn’t have a reason to pull her out of her conversation aside from disliking the way she was touching another man. Running it back in my head, it felt stupid.

“Oh, uh,” I ran a hand over my mouth, thinking. “just wanted to see if you heard from Laura? How Addie’s doing?”

She wasn’t buying it. “Addie’s fine, like she always is with Laura. Last update I got was an hour ago, when I came and found you.”

This wasn’t going well.

“Well, good.” I pulled at the skin of my bottom lip with my teeth.

“Noah?” I looked back at her. “What’s going on?”

Shaking my head, I tried to look clueless. “Nothing, why?”

She crossed her arms. “Cause you’re acting weird.”

Something about her tone, her body language, I couldn’t put my finger on why, but it irritated me. She was feeling up on someone else, and I’m getting questioned?

I mimicked her and folded my own arms over my chest. “I’m not the one acting weird.”

Eyes narrowed at her, I held my face even.

“And how is that?” She didn’t falter. Leena was one of the only women I knew who could give my poker face a run for its money.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Were you not just getting all grabby with Oli?”

Her eyes widened then in disbelief. I knew, because when I heard it come out of my own mouth, I realized that was a pretty big stretch. She grabbed his arm, not his cock.

But still, we were already here, and I wasn’t in a place to back down. Not right now, feeling this attracted to her when she was pissed off.

“Grabby?!” Her voice came out louder than I expected, and I whipped my head around to see if anyone else was outside. “How in the hell was I being grabby with him?”

I rolled my eyes.

“Well, it was pretty clear to me.” I was digging myself a hole, I knew it. So did she, but now she was waving her hands around, and her tits were bouncing in her dress, no confines of a bra. My mouth was watering, so I doubled down. “Was it really necessary to be grabbing his arms like that?”

My tone was cool, which contrasted her face that was now turning a shade of pink with rage. Was I proud? Not exactly… Maybe a little.

She’s so fucking sexy when she’s mad.

“You’ve lost it, you know that?” Her voice was filled with incredulous frustration. She then began trying to walk away, forcing me to reach out and catch one of her wrists in my hand. I was too tired, too depraved. I needed her so badly, but the idea of her being spitting mad at me made it worth the effort. I wanted her so angry that she was damn near ready to rip me apart. The idea made my dick twitch in my slacks.

“Leena,” She looked down at where I held her arm, then looked back at me with narrowed eyes. Oh she was enraged. Excellent. “I-“ I wanted to say sorry, tell her I was being dumb and to go inside and enjoy the party, but I just…couldn’t.

Something in her stare told me she had figured me out, and her eyebrows lowered, her lips twisting up in a menacing grin.

“Are you…jealous?”

I was taken back. Jealous? Of Oli? Nope. Couldn’t be me.

“No.” I said through grit teeth. “I just don’t want you to forget who you belong to.”

That was it. That sent her over the edge. She ripped her arm out of my grip, standing back defensively.

“Belong to? Like a piece of fucking property?”

I didn’t respond, just shrugged.

“You son of a bitch!” Twitch.

“How dare you speak to me that way?! As if you own me?!” Twitch.

“I don’t give a half of a fuck who I’m talking to, or grabbing. You don’t own me.”

Maybe this was going too far. Maybe.

But then she stormed inside, and I was barreling after her. She was already halfway to the staircase when I grabbed Nick by the sleeve on my way after her.

“Everyone out. Now.” No one needed to hear what I was about to get into.

The bedroom door slammed when I was about a foot away. I could hear bodies shuffling out the front door, but I didn’t care. I just burst into the room, not surprised it wasn’t locked.

She stood between the bed and the dresser, fists balled at her sides, baring her teeth. Oh it was lovely, seeing her so fucking hostile. I nearly fell to my knees in front of her, begging her to do whatever she saw fit. I didn’t, however.

Instead, I slipped the door closed and turned the lock carefully behind me. My face was stoic, doing my best to keep my own composure. It was taking every bit of self restraint, but I could feel it faltering. We were going down soon, I could feel it. My brain was sizzling just looking at her.

“I don’t care how much I love you, Noah Sebastian. I will not be treated like a piece of meat.” She was waving a finger at me, manicured and perfect.

I took a step toward her. She didn’t allow me the space to speak.

“I’m not sure where you found all of that fucking audacity, but I will tell you, it is so out of character for you.” Her voice had fallen some.

“Is it?” My words came out low and slow.

She couldn’t believe me. As if I had no idea the inconvenience I had caused her.

“Why would you do that?” Her face was now pulled into something that looked like confusion. “I can’t think of one good reason why you-“

She didn’t get to finish, my control finally slipping through my fingers, and my hands grabbing her and pressing our mouths together. She stilled at first, but when I pressed my tongue against her lips, she melted, her anger being fed through her grasp on me.

Mileena pulled at my blazer, ripping it down my shoulders and tossing it on the bed.

In a moment of absolute primal agitation, she growled at me, which sent every drop of blood in my body down to my crotch.

When her fingers began pulling at the bottom of my shirt, I wrapped my hand in her hair and pulled her backwards. She stared at me, all venom and lust, and snarled. I smiled, licking my lips. It was unbelievable. I used my free hand to rip the front of her dress open, her breasts falling out, and capturing my attention. My hand loosened on her hair, sliding down her face, neck, and reaching for her chest.

She used this opportunity to wrap a hand around my throat, which took me by surprise, my gaze lifting. She was controlling this, which was new.

Her teeth ground together, and her fingers squeezed me, the tips of her sharp acrylics digging into my skin.

“On your fucking knees.”

I scoffed. “Or what?”

Her hand tightened even further, and her other hand came up to grab me by the cock, gripping the fabric of my pants in an almost uncomfortable squeeze.

“Or I walk away, right now.”

That sounded like misery in the highest degree, so, naturally, I sunk down to the floor, sharp eyes glancing up at her. The hand on my neck was now running through my hair. She was looking down at me with an almost loving look on her face.

“You were so fucking mean, you need to make up for it.”

My hand grabbed her ankle just above her heel, sliding up the back of her calf, to her thigh. When my fingertips reached her hip, I noticed something that made me nearly fall backwards. She wasn’t wearing any panties.

Using the slit up the side of her dress skirt, I moved the fabric over to see her, already visibly wet. She loved this as much as I did. I only peered up at her for a split second, seeing she now had her head leaned back, waiting, anticipating.

Catching her off guard, instead of starting slow, building her up, making her whine and beg, I attached myself to her core, drawing a sharp breath out of her.

“Fuck, Noah!” She pulled at my hair, looking down at me while I worked her over, feeling the moisture running down my chin. “Ugh, you look so fucking cute when you do that.”

I raised an eyebrow at her, but didn’t detach. I pulled her one leg so her thigh balanced on my shoulder and dove in deeper, sliding my tongue up and down her folds. I saw her tits bouncing up and down as she bucked into my face.

I settled in, intending to let her finish before I took the reins back, but I was interrupted at her pulling me upward by the hair. The unfamiliar sting on my scalp made me wince, but I still stood up in response.

“Lay the fuck down.” She pushed me down onto the bed. “Pants off.” I smirked at her, not moving an inch. “Now.”

Her voice was terrifying. I began unbuckling my belt, and popped the button open with one hand. She must have been getting impatient, because her hands ripped my pants down and off, her eyes focusing on the bulge in my boxers. I leaned back on my elbows, waiting for her to do whatever she needed to torment me further.

I truly did not expect what she said next.

“Touch yourself.” This confused me.

“What?”

“You fucking heard me.” She jumped up onto the dresser, leaning back against the wall, and let her legs fall open, giving me full view of her. My eyes followed her every move.

I reached down and palmed myself over my underwear, feeling vulnerable.

“C’mon now Sebastian, this is no time to be shy.” This made me actually fucking blush. She was enjoying this way more than I expected.

Hooking my thumbs in the band of my boxers, I carefully slid them down low enough to let myself free. My fingers gently grabbed my dick, tugging at it ever so slightly. The sensation was good, but it wasn’t her.

“That’s it, baby.” She spread her legs, her pussy sitting just above the wood of the dresser, putting herself on full display. “Nice and slow.”

I whimpered. I actually fucking whimpered. It wasn’t lost on her, either, her eyes darting to my face and licking her lips.

“See, Noah? This is what happens when you’re an asshole. You get treated like the fucking brat you are.”

Who the fuck was this girl and how quickly could I lock her in a room and never let her escape?

My hand worked up and down my shaft, my eyes falling closed and my breathing erratic. I could feel myself getting close just thinking about her.

“Stop.” My hand froze, and I opened my eyes, staring at her in defeat. “Don’t come yet.”

I was getting frustrated. “Why the fuck not?”

She sat up, crossing her legs, putting herself away.

“If you don’t wait until I tell you to come, I swear I will put on my sweats, go downstairs, and start cleaning.”

That was the threat that made any confidence I had falter. Once she started cleaning, it was over. She would hyper-focus, and I wouldn’t see her again until the entire house was shining.

I moved my hand off of my cock to resist the temptation and laid flat back on the bed, digging the heels of my palms into my eye sockets.

I stopped when I felt the bed dip on either side of me, and looked up to see her kneeling over me, now fully nude. My heart sped up as I felt her slide herself up and down my shaft, her slick pussy gliding so fucking deliciously. Instinctively, I reached for her hips, but my hand was met with a hard slap, which caused me to pull away.

“Not this time, baby boy.” I groaned, lavishing the feeling of her on me, the weight on my hips excruciatingly divine.

“Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” I looked at her, lost on what she was asking for.

“What?” My voice was a breath, an exhale.

“For treating me so foul?” She pulled back, and grabbed the base of my cock, pulling it forward to line up with her entrance but holding steady as not to let it touch her.

“Ugh, Leena,” I moaned,

My hips trying to buck. She pulled further away as I tried to press into her.

“Say it, Noah.” She demanded.

“Fuck!” My body was screaming, fire coursing through me as she ran her hand up and down, grazing the head. “I’m sorry! Jesus Christ!”

With that, she sunk down, enveloping all of me so fucking perfectly. My eyes snapped shut, trying like hell not to finish just from the edge of it.

“That’s right, honey.” Her voice was a soft moan, her hand coming up to wrap around my throat again as her hips snapped forward. My vision was turning white.

“Now, ask me fucking nicely.”

Wild that she could think I could speak, given she was cutting all my air off. It was unholy, and I loved every fucking second.

I choked, trying to speak, and I felt her fingers loosen slightly.

“Please, baby,” I breathed in hard. “please let me come.”

“Fuck, Noah, you’re so fucking gorgeous.” She let go of my throat, reaching down to circle her clit. I felt her rhythm become unsteady.

“Leena, Jesus fucking Christ, please, baby, please.”

She thrusted faster, her climax coming uncoiled, and I felt her tighten around me.

“Oh, fuck!” She fell forward, wrapping her fingers in my hair.

“Fuck me, Noah. Fuck me, please!” Did I need to be told twice?

My hands gripped her ass and lifted her, slamming my hips up and pounded into her. She still hadn’t told me yet, so I was fighting as hard as I could to hold it together.

“Noah, come for me.” She cooed directly into my ear, her voice so fucking sweet.

I think I may have had a stroke, the sheer velocity of my orgasm ripping out of me. I let out a hard, visceral scream.

Once we were both still, her body laid lazily on top of me, I left soft kisses on her shoulder.

“I really am sorry, baby.”

She chuckled softly. “I know, babe.”

I turned my head to look at her face, looking absolutely exhausted.

“You’re so fucking amazing when you’re angry.”

She lazily lifted her eyebrow. “Did you start a fight just to have angry sex?”

I bit the inside of my cheek. That was probably the better answer.

“Maybe.” I tried to be coy, and she seemed to buy it.

I didn’t know what had come over me in the backyard, or why I got so annoyed with her talking to another man. I’m not like that, I never have been.

But something inside me told me that the feeling was going to get me into trouble.

[2goldendarkness]

I usually reblog, rather than make my own posts, but seeing everyone in the gaze community deal with their grief by writing things down has given me some courage to do the same. I hope it will help me in my grieving process and i hope to help everyone who does relate to what i write. So this will be my farewell letter.

Dear Reita,

I got the news seven days too late, like how it usually is for me coming into a fandom.

I became a fan about 8 years ago, i was doing a creative education as a designer, listening to random music on Youtube with autoplay. Suddenly i found Red, the first song that got me into the Gazette, i was glued to my screen and intrigued with the looks of all members. But why the hell was that one guy wearing a band around his nose? I needed to get into it. So i did.

The gazette then became my first and favorite Visual kei band, i’ve been trough a lot in my life and whenever hardship struck me, there was always an interview that would make me laugh. When i had boring days in school we even played a game, my friends would ask me “why is he covering his nose?” And i would make up the weirdest stories on the spot. That resulted in some charms with titles like ‘reita and the smelly drummer.’ And ‘reita the drugs dealer.’ It varied from poking fun and making up the stupidest thing, to making you some cool guy who fought bad guys. It would always make us laugh, even though, i was making up these stories to friends who weren’t even necessarily in the fandom, because everyone who saw you once, knew your name and so knew who you were.

I wrote fanfiction, many in where you play a big part of the story, not as a love interest, but as a brother of a character based off of me. All because you once said in a radio show that you feel like you’d be a great older brother, hell did i take you up on that one.

I never got to see The Gazette live, i used to curse you all for skipping my country and forcing me to travel for 5 hours to see you all. In 2018 i was almost at that point, but i couldn’t go because of my exams and because i had no friends who wanted to come with me. I always promised myself: one day, i will see them.

It hurts me to realize that day will never come, at least you won’t be there anymore. I accidentally open instagram, and find a grief post written by Hiroto of Alice nine, in the hashtags your name. Shock, that’s the first thing i felt. I must be going crazy. But next up was Miyavi’s post and as i read that it slowly starts downing upon me, my heart sinks to my stomach and a lump forms in my throat as i rush to jrocknews to confirm they aren’t just playing a sick joke.

I start crying like most of the sixth guns, but only after i start reading the members messages. Why am i crying? We’ve lost a talented bass player who inspired so many people to also start making music. The world lost ‘the world’s Reita’ who was always poking fun at the drummer. The bookstores lost their most unexpected romance buyer. Many lost their source of love and joy. I’ve lost my fictional brother.

But most importantly, your actual family lost a loving family member who bought his mother an entire house to repay her for raising him well. The Gazette lost a member. Kai lost his fear during interviews of whatever you are going to say next. Ruki lost being in your personal space no matter how big the dressing room. Aoi lost the person who’s jokes he could laugh the hardest about. Uruha lost his longtime best friend, and now can no longer feel your heart racing before the show, nor can he feel your hand searching for his heart.

I hope everyones feelings reach you, i hope that whichever way you passed, was peaceful and without pain. I hope that whenever it is our time, you come in your mustang to pick everyone up. Usually as a driving instructor i call shotgun, but i’ll leave that space to your close relatives. That way i can’t judge you for turning around while parking, rather than using your mirrors.

Thank you for everything Reita, you will never be forgotten. Once my grief is gone, i promise to remember you with a smile rather than cry. I also promise to be a fan of The Gazette no matter what they decide to do now you’re gone.

And to whomever read my entire message, thank you for reading this unhinged post.

[dlstmxkakwldrlarchive]

Onew Hola Fan concert Day II Recap

After he sang the two opening songs (Hola! and Maestro) he told jjinggus that he talks a lot these days and to not feel bad and sit if they feel tired during his ment. He added that normally, fanmeets have mcs, but he wanted to be closer with jjinggus

He talked about a bit about the songs he sang and explained that while he was writing maestro, he thought about a little fish that could move the entire ocean without struggling much. He said that 'Maestro' is about having fun freely.

For these fancons, kyung ah (the bassist that participated until now in festivals and live clips with onew) got replaced by another bassist! Also, apart from Zairo, the other band members are a bit shy, so every time onew ask them to talk, they would shake their heads and get flustered lol

When ONEW was getting changed, Zairo tried to talk with the audience, but ONEW changed very fast and accidentally cut him off

After another break, jjinggus chanted Zairo's name, and he asked them if he should keep teaching ONEW to play acoustic guitar or switch to an electric guitar (electric guitar won). He also teased jjinggu because they were giving a reaction for everything. They even screamed when he suggested tambourine and castanets

ONEW said that the only reason jjinggu voted for electric guitar is because they think it's sexy. He also said that is something that fans love to say to him, but he added that if he acts sexy is unintentional

The wishes he grated during the baseball granting wish corner were: singing In Your Eyes and Lately, dancing to Replay and making a morning message for jjingu

When he finished singing In Your Eyes, he said that minho loves that song very much, and it's probably minho's favorite song. He doesn't forget In Your Eyes lyrics because Minho asks him to sing it every time

Replay was supposed to be danced like a cute rookie Jinki, but ONEW said that he couldn't dance it like that because he got old and that cuteness belonged to his younger self

He said (again) that Lately is a song he likes very much.

During the fan q&a corner, someone asked him what food he liked while being abroad, and he replied curry. Even when he was in Europe, he ate curry.

Someone asked him to make a greeting jjingus should do when they meet him, and he suggested to tap on his shoulder and sing maestro lyrics and do the chicken dance

onew: this is me, /moves to the other way/ this you. you should do " I swim, you swim, 손을 저어 휘적휘적 "and move your arms. that'll make me happy fr

his current favorite english song is blinding lights by the weeknd (onew didn't remember the song title or the lyrics)

Someone asked him to sing juliette, and he sang it acappella

> what did u do last night

o: washed myself, brushed my teeth, and watched historical videos on YouTube

he mentioned he watches puppy videos too and that he wants a puppy so bad, but he thinks he shouldn't do it

ONEW eats his bread toasted with a bit of butter on top, he also likes it to eat it with strawberry jam and milk

The venue for his bday party is already rented, and apparently, he's working for Focus and Shape of My Heart live clips

ONEW said he loves their Shatting Star and that he doesn't need a lightstick. Someone suggested to make a cover for it tho and he said he'll think about it

Also, he started bragging about SHINee and said he loves SHINee very much

[ghst-signal]

Writers Guild Presents: When I Think About You, Flowers Grow Out Of My Grave

When I Think About You, Flowers Grow Out Of My Grave

A Hastur/Ligur Doppelbanging Fic Featuring Hastur, Ligur, and, a surprise guest, Angel!Ligur

CW/TW/Tags: Hastur POV, Hastur-centric, Maggot Husbands*, Rare Pair, Hastur Has a Penis, Ligur Has a Penis, Both Ligurs have a Penis, Bottom Hastur, Top Ligur, PWP, Porn with very minor plot so the threesome makes sense, threesome m/m/m, anal sex, anal rimming, anal fingering, blow job, ahegao**, facial, bifurcated tongue, Porn with Feelings

*I promise absolutely no maggots in the story - this is just their unfortunate ship name

** sorry to @vieux-yeux for making you learn a new smut word while beta’ing this and then immediately making you think about Hastur in this context***

Summary: There’s nothing left for Hastur after Armageddon fails and the trial against Crowley flops. Nothing except to get drunk and mope. However, against all odds the only demon he would admit to being a friend (and alright maybe even something more) is back and he’s brought an angel with him. Written for Good Omens After Dark Doppelbanging Event 2024.

Excerpt: Hastur was drinking himself to discorporation—or something close to it—in a remote area of Hell. After the death of the only demon he would have ever considered a friend (and maybe something more if he was being honest but he wasn’t drunk enough for that yet) and the botched trial of the traitor, there was little else to do but wallow in self-pity and grief.

He goes to take a swig of the cheap whiskey, finding only drops remaining. Growling in displeasure he throws the bottle against a wall, watching the glass shatter and gather with the remains of the other three before it. The destruction that usually brings him some amount of satisfaction doesn’t make him feel any better. He just feels empty. He considers miracling up another bottle, but he isn’t sure if he can in this state. He could ask an Eric, or some other junior demon, to fetch him more booze, but he had hidden himself well in this little storage closet deep in the bowels of Hell. There are few places to find privacy from the massive throngs of demons and he’s pretty sure he is the only one that knows of this place now. He remembers when Ligur first showed it to him as he lets a ghost of a smile fall to his lips.

Continue reading on AO3

Thank you so much to my beta’s @isiaiowin (another demon lover, go check out her ShaFur fics!) and @vieux-yeux. This story would have a lot less commas and not make as much sense if it wasn’t for their tireless work!

@goodomensafterdark thank you for being the best good omens community a goblin could hope for!

PS. If you don’t know the song I stole the title from, please give it a listen. It’s by my favorite band Dead Man’s Bones. They only have one album and it is amazing imo. (also it’s a duo and one half of it is Ryan Gosling if that entices anyone)

***JK I’m not sorry at all

[iero]

Tagged by @carmybcrzatto and @fishercarrie to do this tag game! Thank you both for the tag! <3

List fifteen bands/artists you love, and name your favorite song by each. No need to rank, just fifteen artists you love and what is THE SONG for you by each. Also, it doesn't have to be your top fifteen bands, just fifteen you like!

Foals: In Degrees

Paramore: Let the Flames Begin

Halsey: finally // beautiful stranger

The Weeknd: Call Out My Name

Arctic Monkeys: Arabella

Djo: Personal Lies

LCD Soundsystem: All I Want

Citizen: World

Nirvana: Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle

Chappell Roan: After Midnight

Boston Manor: Algorithm

Title Fight: In-Between

Ethel Cain: Hard Times

Balance and Composure: Tiny Raindrop

Turnstile: Blue By You

Tagging @restedlimbs, @spaceracers, @perotovar, @anyataylorjoys, @userparamore, @vampiregerard and anyone else who wants to do this! :)

[batgirlsay]

Fallen Threads Across the Dancefloor

An Obiyuki Week 2024 Playlist for Day 7: West Coast Swing (Free Day) by @snowwhite-andtheknight

Been waiting to use these songs for over a year after remembering some perfect Postal Service songs and discovering some new Beths songs! The playlist started out with a “Red String of Fate” theme, but it also works for this swinging friends-to-lovers theme. There’s even kinda a swing beat in the title lyric track “Our Braided Lives” and maybe a few more. I actually used to swing dance for fun and I’m glad West Coast Swing was added to the prompt list, it’s perfect for Obiyuki!

Took a while to figure out a good order for this playlist without putting two songs by the same band next to each other… ended up starting with a night out and the consequences (and feelings) that ensued… ending in Obi style with his overwhelming doubts.

Fallen Threads Across the Dancefloor

A Tattered Line of String- The Postal Service Untangled Love- Brandon Flowers Our Braided Lives- Matt Pond PA Brand New Colony- The Postal Service Jump Rope Gazers- The Beths Sugar River- Matt Pond PA Just Shy of Sure- The Beths Glory of the Snow- Clairo Unraveling- Violents and Monica Martin Keep The Distance (Demo)- The Beths

Summary lyrics are cited after the cut (and bonus feels Obi):

A Tattered Line of String- The Postal Service

You've got a tattered line of string And you tied 'round everything That you want to call your own But it never seems to hold

When we walk, we agreed That we would not ever speak of of this night to anyone that we both knew

Then you said "Every time we kissed I felt something that couldn't exist"

Untangled Love- Brandon Flowers

Well let's say that now's the time to start Blessed all, the young at heart

I've been looking for untangled love But it's hard to get a handle on I always hoped I'd see the light Break the bad luck in my life

It's been twenty-one years since I left home I've been looking for a place to call my own I see the silver lining shining like polished gold

Untangled love I can see it in your eyes Untangled love You took me by surprise

Our Braided Lives- Matt Pond PA

Our braided lives At times I'm tied Fallen threads across The bedroom floor

Will this not end? Will this star claim us all?

The space between Our wandering hands I might not have to be Alone anymore The night could end The dark could leave us all

Far below the glowing Ceiling sky The night will end The dark will leave The time begins For us to see it all

Brand New Colony- The Postal Service

I'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite albums back As you're lying there, drifting off to sleep

I'll be the platform shoes, undo what heredity's done to you You won't have to strain to look into my eyes

I'll be your winter coat, buttoned and zipped straight to the throat With the collar up, so you won't catch a cold

Start a brand new colony Where everything will change We'll give ourselves new names, identities erased The sun will heat the grounds Under our bare feet in this brand new colony

Jump Rope Gazers- The Beths

I've never been the dramatic type But if I don't see your face tonight I, well I guess I'll be fine

Decipher the signs Like we're slowly coming together Yeah it's slowly coming out about us

Oh I, I think I love you And I think that I loved you the whole time

How could this happen We were jump rope gazers in the middle of the night Hide my heart behind a brighter light So you struggle straining eyes to find Why we made it this way

My hopes are prone to elevate But the way your mind and mine relate It breaks the patterns we make

I was just waiting for the grazes on my hands to mend I was afraid of the sting

And I wanna give it my best try How could this happen We were jump rope gazers

Sugar River- Matt Pond PA

Hollow hearts don't know their wrong from right The world we're waiting for won't disappear The world we're waiting for is all right here

Along the river bank the root stays strong Heart of hearts you know there's nothing wrong

The world we're waiting for will shake our dreams Move them through the dark and down the street

Reaching and rallying they merge every time Our ties become part of the way we survive To stare down the shadows Made up in the hollows We're safe in these seconds There's proof in your eyes

Sugar river rolling through the night Rushing under the midnight sky

Just Shy of Sure- The Beths

Love in memory Was a plague that consumed me Shifted all my priorities

I have kept the hurt buried deep into winter dirt I watch at night when the mound stirs This is not the burn I've known It's an ache in my every bone Maybe you want to be alone

When do things suffice? Can you be happy all your life? Do you think it can happen twice? Maybe that's a swing Hey, you can't win without entering Are you cool to lose everything?

Weak, but I'll pretend That you still want me I'm the one you adore But I'm just shy of sure

Glory of the Snow- Clairo

I can feel there's something in the between For a moment, I heard you talking to me

I pull on the string that binds me To memories of the way I loved you I push on the door, the one I've ignored The one that leads me to you

Glory of the snow I'm waking up and now I know

I can see there's someone looking for me For a moment, I heard the rustling lеaves

Sweeping under rugs, the one I was not gonna Gonna dance on again

Unraveling- Violents and Monica Martin

Wide-eyed wonder, where did you go? Pagan cynic, constant critic, friend to a foe I'm unraveling

I much prefer you the way that I found you And I hate who I am when I am around you But you're far away and I need you close to me A sad simple truth that's lost in the irony

Keep The Distance (Demo)- The Beths

We kept the distance Kept it at no one’s insistence Pushing against no resistance but ourselves It’s not complicated Lovers get humiliated I wanted you but couldn’t say it out loud

There's a hole in my memory It's widening with each new entry Blooming like a flower when everything falls through Each death and redemption Each second of increasing tension Every ounce of pure prevention we hеld to

If you’re heading out then I insist you make a move But if it’s not the moment Then bottle up the breath I’m holding Sorry to my serotonin Some bad news

We’re caught, torn in the fabric Enthrallеd, drawn like a magnet But we keep the distance Just an attempt to get by

[oldwitcheshat]

Big Steddie and obviously I’ve been reading 500+ ficlets and they have been plaguing my brain. Needless to say, I decided to write something and it is 100% made up of ideas from across lots of fics. Plus it’s Steddie Omegaverse week and I’m a hopeless sap for omega Steve/Alpha Eddie.

Be warned: this is not proof read.

Also, the baby’s name is the same as the one from Junos Steddie Dads even if the fics are not of the same premise. He is just the one that made me first obsess over this pairing in the first place.

Day 6 of Steddie Omegaverse: pregnancy

Omega Steve has been a Streamer since he dropped his title in high school. After babysitting Dustin - who watched his favorite streamers and would non-stop talk about them- he began to stream. Originally, it was just for fun. Then three years after high school, he announces his move to LA with his best friend Robin and a few others. Overtime, his reaction and drama takes became more and more popular - even more popular are the videos and streams his platonic soulmate Robin joins him. While he wasn’t the most famous streamer, he was well known.

After being cleared of falsely accused murder charges, Alpha Eddie moves to LA and is quickly followed by Gareth Jeff, and Freak. Eddie picks up working nights at bars and eventually convinces the owners to let his band - Corroded Coffin - play. One night a producer sees them and recognizes their talent pretty quickly. They get signed and are suddenly doing tours and interviews and releasing new albums.

Those who follow Steve’s channel and those who are fans of Corroded Coffin know that Steve and Eddie have mates. Eddie gushes over his omega in interviews and shows a sweet side of him not seen in concerts. Steve talks about toxic-alphaism and how his alpha proves that people can be alphas without being a dick. What their fans don’t know is that they are mated to each other.

It started as Steve wanting to protect Eddie from his stream fans after all the traumatic spotlight Eddie went through in Hawkins. But when Corroded Coffin popped off it became a game to see how long it would take their fans to notice.

But no one noticed that Steve played the acoustic, non lyrical versions of Eddie’s songs played in the background of all his streams. And no one noticed that Eddie’s tour breaks lined up with the same weeks Steve takes off of streaming for his heat. When someone in chat points out that him and Eddie have the same last name, Steven shrugs and says they must be related through marriage somewhere in their family. People definitely don’t notice the same Dustin that runs a popular Corroded Coffin fan account also runs an equally as popular Steve fan account.

One day on an interview, Eddie announced that Corroded Coffin is taking a break from tours for a couple of years. When asked why, he announces on live tv that his omega is pregnant. Everyone is so excited but are disappointed when Eddie says that he isn’t telling who his omega is.

“It’s on his terms when he wants to come to the public eye and I respect that” Eddie says already knowing that Steve is very much in the public eye, just in a different way.

That same night, Steve streams and announces his pregnancy with Robins help. Chat goes wild and Steve laughs saying that he’s not going to put his mate on blast until his mate is ready to be seen. It’s the same excuse Eddie uses and one they have agreed have used several times.

Eddie is in interviews less and less as he and Steve prep for their baby to be born. Steve, however, posts more videos and streams more about baby things and no one notices that his mates voice in the background sounds a lot like Eddie Munsons.

They both say in their own ways that they aren’t going to discover their baby’s gender until they are born. They don’t want to put pressure on who their child is before they are even born.

People only begin noticing and connecting the points when they both post the same photo announcing the birth of their new baby girl Bobbie. And if it’s a photo of Eddie hugging Steve and Bobbie shortly after she was born, that’s okay too.

[bonedev]

About me, BoneDev!

Hi there! I'm BoneDev, but I also go by Mr. Sketchy on some other social medias! I'm the creator & currently only developer/artist on my Gorillaz visual novel game, Momentary x Kiss!

I enjoy drawing, playing Baldur's Gate 3, Sims 4, Palworld & Cult of the Lamb! I'm 27 years old & have been drawing since I was little.

I came up with the idea for MxK last summer when I was going through an existential crisis at work (like I normally have) & was watching some videos on a certain LolCow developer. I thought to myself 'Bitch, I could probably make a game myself with no experience!'....and I realized, I totally could!

So, I thought small-- I'm not a game developer & haven't dabbled with video game making since I was 15 (took a video game design class). I wasn't looking to make a massive triple A title or a massive indie game like Cuphead or even a small game like Cult of the Lamb.

Then it hit me: visual novels! I'm already an artist, so that cuts half the workload off of me. But I still needed to learn coding; then I discovered Ren'Py, a small but VERY powerful VN maker that has helped make multiple VN games (including Doki Doki Literature Club).

I got to work looking up Python books, coding books (Game Development with Ren'Py by Robert Ciesla BTW), & watching TONS of videos on Youtube on Ren'Py & how to use it to my advantage.

I've always been a fan of Gorillaz since I was 13 years old. Jamie Hewlett is the reason why I wanted to be an artist, his bizarre & grotesque art style amazed me as a kid. I became obsessed & learned to draw people by copying his style & later developing my own art style.

I've never came across a Gorillaz dating simulator (not yet, at least) & realized it could be a small niche I could capitalize on! What if you could date the Gorillaz members & romance them?

Thus, Momentary x Kiss was born! Named after one of my favorite Gorillaz songs, Momentary Bliss, you play as a fan who wins the chance to hang out with 1 member of the band & spend time with them.

So, I jumped on the opportunity & wrote down ALL my ideas for the game: date locations, getting to know the characters, buy gifts for him, answer questions for extra affection & much more! (Will explain later)

ANYWAYS!!! I'm the only one working on this & this is entirely a PASSION PROJECT!! I don't plan to make money off of this (I don't own the IP of Gorillaz or the references that will be made).

It will/has been a daunting task-- balancing work, school (at the time) & battling my anxiety & depression has made focusing on MxK a bit of a challenge, but I don't want to lose hope! I CAN'T LOSE HOPE! Somewhere out there, there's probably some Gorillaz fans who wish there was a dating sim for Gorillaz.

And I wanna be the one to make it a real!

XOXO!!

I'll try to post here with updates as often as I can! Feel free to suggest things, comment & spread the word! Any exposure would greatly help!

Cheers!

--BoneDev

[marvelwifesupernaturalmistress]

So I just finished Good Omens recently and I have a couple things to say and my family and friends are so done with my rants about different movies and TV shows.

1: Holy shit that was a good show! I honestly didn't expect much from the show but holy shit it blew me away with how good it was. It was comedic and I found myself laughing so much and it was so beautifully written the characters are just top tier amazing and wow what I'd give to just continuously rewatch it as if it's my first time watching it.

2: I watched supernatural and I thought wow never gonna find another show like this. One that brings me joy and sadness then I found this fucking wonderful amazing show! AND it made me even more sad like what the fuck how do I keep coming across shows that cause me so much fucking pain. Also can we talk about the parallels between the two shows. Oh look two characters working together to stop the end of the world one a demon and one's an angel, counting Dean a demon solely for this post plus demon Dean did exist, both are oh so obviously in love with each other but neither will admit it, most of the angels are dicks and we all hate metatron, there's a demon named Crowley and many more. I mean look at the similarities between Dean and Crowley. Both are in love with their angel best friend, both are absolutely in love with their car, love classic rock, both are some sassy bitches, both don't want to show their emotions but are big softies, and are both the better looking person in the couple (in my opinion). Then look at the similarities between Aziraphale and Crowley. Both are angels in trench coats who are in love with their best friend, they are manipulated, complicated, traumatized, beautiful angels, both have trouble understanding (some) human expressions, and both struggle with their loyalty to heaven. Also, is it just me or does the first like 10 seconds of End Titles- the one that got left in the car from Good Omens kinda sound like it could be a beginning to a Supernatural opening credits or is it just me?

3: My God David Tennant is FINE like I've seen his face sometimes haven't really seen him in much and was like ok yeah he's attractive and moved on. But then I saw him in this and I'm like wow now I get what everyone's talking about. Like just ahhh this man is fucking attractive! I'm honestly ashamed of myself for taking so long to realize.

4: So TikTok in all its wonderfulness blessed/cursed me with a bunch of Good Omens content the day after I finished watching good Omens. Including a looooooooot of people cosplaying as Crowley. And may I just say the people who cosplay him are fine as fuck! I mean it's really hard to dress up as Crowley and not look attractive I mean Crowley is a style icon. But holy shit the people are so fucking good looking like I just can't. My sexuality does a nose dive off the empire state building when looking at them. I was talking to a friend about it and she said it's a case of wanting to be with them or be them and I disagree. I want to be with them all. Just holy shit you want to look good dress like Crowley you'll look fantastic.

5: The effect this show has had on my life is insane. I have been obsessed with listening to Queen since I finished the show. Which I'm not complaining about at all they were my favorite and still are my favorite band before I even watched the show. I have barely listened to something that wasn't Queen or songs from the show since I binge watched the show. I'm listening to another one bites the dust while typing this. Once again not complaining. Also, did anyone else want to dye their hair like Crowley's when they finished the show? Cause I do. I have been blonde my whole life and never wanted to change it and now I want it red. And I need to know if I'm alone in this or not to determine how alarmed I should be.

6: They had no right making the relationship of Crowley and Aziraphale they way they did. First they made them friends who obviously were in love with each other but hid it then they give us them acting basically as a married couple being so fucking adorable and me just wanting the type of love they have for them to give us that ending of season two! I'm not gonna lie if my dad wasn't up and calmed me down I either would've spontaneously combusted from my literally shaking anger or went on a spree. Not sure what type of spree but a spree of some kind.

7: How all of you wonderful people didn't riot or harm Neil Gaiman is beyond me. First when season 1 ended y'all had to wait 2 years to even get a green light that there was gonna be a season 2 and then another 2 for it to finally come out. And then for the season final of season 2 to happen where then you had to wait even longer for season 3 to be greenlight is just you all have a greater will power than me. I'm coming into this with two seasons and a third confirmed so a round of applause to y'all. And now I completely understand why I kept hearing people say they hated Neil Gaiman and stuff like that.

And finally on a somewhat unrelated note I'm planning to watch Doctor who since I'm about to finish another show where can I find it and what order do I watch it in? I've heard many different answers on the order.

Thanks everyone for coming to my rant y'all are wonderful and everyone have a wonderful day!<3

[munchboxart]

I wanna talk about my top 5 musicians that I got into this year + 2 bonuses. Not one's that released this year, just ones that I found out this year.

These will be out of order since I don't want to rank them. Oh also I'll only share 1 song that's my favorite from them.

NewJeans

Ok sorry to start with a remix (If I had to choose an original, it'd be "ETA") but this is the song that introduced me to NewJeans. Apparently, I think "Super Shy" was their big trendsetting song but I haven't heard of it till now I think. I love their style so much!!

Hakushi Hasegawa

I shared a couple of his songs earlier in the year, with Doku being a standout because it sounded like Nintendo took a lot of inspiration from them for one of their Hero Mode OSTs in Splat3 (though I didn't hear about it till this year). I had a hard time choosing between Doku, Somoku and a couple other songs from Air Ni Ni (Only You, Desert and Itsukushii Hibi are one of my favorites in there), but I think Doku is such a great song as an introduction to them (Hasegawa uses they/them pronouns by the way).

MAXIMUM THE HORMONE

I... Never heard of the name "Maximum The Hormone" until this year. In-fact, the way I officially learned their band was through a Chainsaw Man chapter titled "ChuChu Lovely MuniMuni MuraMura". AND I WATCHED THE ANIME FIRST. I HAD NO IDEA THEY WERE THE ONE WHO MADE THE 3RD ED. And if we wanna go even further, I never watched Death Note, AT MOST, I'VE HEARD A SNIPPET OF THE OP, WAY LONG AFTER IT'S RELEVANCY and I still didn't know of their name. I do like all of the songs I've mentioned, but I think F is a super solid song that's also a normal song length with a good guitar solo.

Femtanyl

So I found out about Femtanyl from their biggest song titled "KATAMARI" and of course I had to listen to it because I love Katamari!! I love the Prince!! Most of their songs are super good, I considered either this one, Katamari or Push ur t3mprr. Their newest one with Danny Brown is also really good.

Sonic Coaster Pop

Spotify actually did a good thing and suggested me a really good album for once. I LOVEEE THIS ALBUM, I LOVE THAT EACH SONG TRANSITIONS TO THE NEXT ONE!! But Super Speed Pop Star is the standout one for me. IT'S SUCH A MUNCH ALBUM. I think this counts as Neo Shibuya-Kei or Electropop (correct me if I'm wrong) and I've dipped my toes a bit into it for a long while like CAPSULE, Nagisa Cosmetic (first one I was introduced into the genre) and Plus Tech Squeeze Box.

I've been wanting to find more songs like them, but I haven't been able to much, mostly because I like finding them in the wild through suggestions from the platform I'm listening on. Also, because I like a lot more of the electro styled songs rather than traditional Shibuya-Kei (which is still good!!). I'm really happy to find a new one to get into this year.

BONUS

I'm adding 2 more because one of them is a band that just came out this year or debuted really late 2023, and the other is just 1 really standout songs that I REALLY like.

ILLIT

ILLIT popped off hard for their debut(?) with Magnetic being their trendsetting song, but I like this one a lot more in their album. The reason I'm putting this as a bonus is because they only have like... 5 songs? So I can't really say if I'll get super into them but I think they're starting off really strong!

FLASHING LIGHTS/IMAGES WARNING

Special Interest – Concerning Peace (Machine Girl Remix)

FLASHING LIGHTS/IMAGES WARNING, I couldn't even share the original video because it's much worse than this one, but that aside, I really really love this song. It helps a lot that I got into Dai Dark this year and I associate this song a lot with it. I really want to do an edit one day with either Dai Dark or Dorohedoro with this song. One day... MAYBE SOON SINCE I LEARNED A BIT MORE OF VIDEO EDITING (even though it's just the very basics).

Music is something I don't really share that often or like sharing that much, though I figured I'd talk about it this year since I'm very passionate about listening to music. I've also started sharing much more music this year and it feels nice. I know some of these aren't that niche but I just learned about them this year and wanted to talk about them.