#also the similarity of her name and my name is unintentional i may change the spelling at some point

[heatwa-ves]

hi. please tell me more about your ocs 🙏

gladly!!!

okay so. im still figuring out nias backstory but my basic idea for now is she was raised in a village and the inhabitants were very religious. the current village leaders came to the place during a time of great hardship and helped them out and introduced this (currently nameless) god and told everyone hey this god saved you all and whatever. nia found solace in this religion because she was lonely as a child and not particularly close with her family. she had a few siblings I think but the only one who really matters is her older sister who she isn't close to but really looked up to (I don't have a name for her yet. oops)

at this point in time nia is like. early teens? and her sister is late teens and has been investigating the village particularly the leaders because she's suspicious. after some digging she discovers the whole thing was an elaborate lie made by their alleged saviours to exploit the village and steal all the offerings the villagers left for their god. she tells this to nia (they're by like an alter for offerings or something) who freaks out because her entire world as she knows it has just been changed and she lashes out at her sister and pushes her, and her sister hits her head badly on the altar and the blunt force trauma kills her and nia is there with blood on her hands and her god is dead and her sister is dead and isn't that kind of the same thing? the other villagers see this and her own parents chase her out convinced she's the devil or whatever.

still figuring out what happens next but eventually she ends up in the main setting of my story (nameless entertainment district of nameless city 💖 ((can you tell I'm bad at naming things))) and at the current point of the story she's in her mid twenties.

she's still very religious and her point of view is that whether this god is a fabrication or not they were real to her and important to her so she still believes in them even if they're just a god to one person. she believes she's a bad person and will never see heaven but remains strongly religious. kind of like tatsumi tbh.

I was gonna talk about her relationship with aster but I've typed more than I expected on just her backstory so I'll talk about them another time just know they like. are fundamentally at odds with eachother because of clashing worldviews and they don't really get along but they're very gay about it I think if they made out it would fix them or make them worse idk.

[papastarion]

Papastarion Headcanons Pt. 2

Is this going to be my brand? I feel like this is going to end up being my brand. Not that I’m complaining.

•I subscribe to the popular headcanon that Astarion is a stargazer, and I think he’s fairly well-versed in the constellations and other celestial bodies that dot the Faerûn night sky. With his name meaning “little star” and Thea’s name having its own star-based meaning, he decides to make a tradition of giving their children a secondary name, with each coming from a different constellation that he maps from the night they’re born. These are also used as terms of endearment.

•Their two adopted daughters have their own constellation-names, too, chosen from the day they met.

•You know how elves have good hearing? He knows Thea’s pregnant before Thea knows. Nights are quiet when she sleeps, and when you suddenly start hearing two heartbeats from one body, it doesn’t take long to figure out what could be going on (especially when Larian upped your INT from a 9 to a 13.) As a Castlevania fan, I think his suspicions are confirmed when Thea has a full-scale blow up very similar to Sypha’s when they wind up in an unintentional ambush and Thea starts throwing around curses in every language—which is very out of character.

•At first, Astarion is terrified he won’t know how to manage disciplining the kids when necessary without losing his temper. Cazador may be dead and gone, but so many of those scars linger, and the last thing he wants is to create scars for the kids because of the ones he carries. Thea has her own fears given her lineage, but they both create quite the balanced team.

•He is simply Dad. With four boys and three girls, I hate to say that he is a Boy Dad or Girl Dad. So he is just Dad. He’s good with kids because they’re his and he would do anything for them.

•Thea’s a half-elf, and therefore very much needs sleep, so Astarion tries to take care of nightly needs that as much as he can so she can try to sleep. Of course there are certain things he can’t do, but Thea wouldn’t want him to do it all, anyway.

•He’s so proud of each milestone. First words are his favorite, though, even if the first word isn’t “papa.” Two of the kiddos do have that as their first word, however.

•They have so many family portraits done over the years. As they grow as a family, and to keep track of how their kids change over the years. He doesn’t want to forget what they looked like at any stage of their life.

•They all know Papa’s a vampire, and that they’re dhampirs. Astarion and Thea don’t tell them exactly how their father become one, not while they’re so young. But they all learn in time, when Astarion and Thea think they’re ready to hear it. They’re very transparent parents.

•There’s nothing more chaotic and yet endearing than introducing the kids to their old allies when the chances arise. Nero, their firstborn, is only a few months old when he meets Gale of Waterdeep. Gale holds Nero for approximately five seconds before Tara hops onto Gale’s shoulder and gives her own opinion of the little dhampir, and then lectures Gale for not have any of his own little ones yet when the vampire and the Bhaalspawn managed it so quickly.

•Nero comes along very quickly, in Gale’s defense. He’s born less than a year after the saving of Baldur’s Gate, because it’s Thea and Astarion and that’s their luck—for Thea to get pregnant not long after reinitiating the physical aspect of their relationship, not that either of them are going to complain. Astarion did tell her he wanted it all, even if children didn’t come to mind in that moment.

[cursed-princess-club]

my apologies if this is out of place on your blog- it's one of the few CPC blogs I know- but am I the only one who feels weird about the whitewashing Frederick's character is going through in fandom right now? like demonizing the CPC (a place literally made of the oppressed) in favor the white, cis, het, oh-so-innocent-and-pure boy? and making it seem like he was completely in the right to be racist to Gwen (unintentional racism is still racism!) and that everything he did was 100% justified and explained.

Again, sorry if I sound like an SJW (can't believe I'm using that term in 2024) but this just really rubs me the wrong way.

NOOOOO I get where you're coming from, you're valid in feeling that way. (also it's totally okay to send me asks! i enjoy talking about cpc :D and i'll do my best to answer them!)

white boy favoritism is definitely a Thing in fandom and. yowch. generally we've seen characters ignorant towards how people on the braided island look where even the cpc thought that gwen was cursed at first (shoutout to molly for being normal about leelathae!). if i remember correctly leelathae's implied that she's human which makes me wonder about the lore... plus I don't really know how defined witches are with their stances in Hashtag Society but i feel like there's probably a social stigma or something there too... are all of them "evil"? are they born witches? do they all have similar traits? Who knows.... and yeahh the braided island inhabitants are a fictional race, but also the coding! the other pastel kids resemble their white father more, and they're technically mixed, while gwen is visibly more like her mother. like being more visibly indigenous or latina but if you were gwen in cpc. which makes me think yk

by definition the cpc is a disabled support group!!. (club my beloved) personally i also like to add queer in there too heh... and also majority of them being women! so they are meant to be representative of the oppressed,, Even if they're all rich princesses. (but i think that's just more because of the setting lol, since they're treated/treat each other like... well... normal people... so i feel like them being rich isn't a point trying to be made. slightly off topic but this is something ive thought of haha) I DO understand what you mean tho and why it rubs you the wrong way. frederick a flawed character that shouldn't be put on a pedestal. same with the others, they're flawed! and i like em. i like frederick! they all grow and change and i like watching their progress! (it does really suck how ignorant the people in universe are though about other races... may be a worldbuilding thing again. i wonder about the other fantasy races in cpc! how different are the wizards and witches seen? and fantasy racism is a whole other topic i don't know if i can bring justice to in a discussion gadiufnhdam)there's a lot that can be argued about how they function and the name and how they treated frederick and tori's argument too but i digress </3 (i'm open to opinions though!) i gotta think more about the worldbuilding and stuff kek

OVERALL!! frederick isn't perfect, the club isn't perfect, but i don't think any of them should be demonized for it because to me that's the whole point!! that nobody's perfect! lol lmao xd welcome to the club yk. imperfect people are just people n stuff

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | My Name Called Bruce (Velasco, 1978)

When you call your movie My Name Called Bruce, one could reasonably expect a fair amount of Bruce in your movie. Not the real Bruce Lee, mind you, as he's dead. But a Bruce Lee imitator, given that the movie falls into the Bruceploitation genre. Alas, this movie fails to deliver on that simple level. The Bruce Lee clone here is Bruce Le, but his screentime is shockingly limited and he disappears for large chunks of the movie. Even worse, when he's onscreen, he doesn't even get to do all that much fun stuff. There are none of the tea-kettle-like kiai noises we know and love, none of the facial contortions that make him look like he's about to have a seizure. The sounds coming out of his mouth are normal and the expressions he uses are limited. He briefly sports a fake beard, similar to the disguise worn by the Bruce Lee imitator in Game of Death, but there's little of the Bruce Le magic otherwise. And before you ask, I don't think he's even called Bruce in this, despite what the title says.

Instead, the real star of the movie is a female cop. Who played this cop seems to be throwing me for a loop, as I see a few articles about the movie referring to her as Christina Cheung, but IMDb credits someone named Eu-Joo Im (and offers no such alias). For all I know they're the same person but I don't care to dig further. The point is, she has a pretty agreeable presence and makes you wish she were in a better movie, as the one here is a super-generic crime story about stolen antiques that I was forgetting as I was watching it. As a result, I may have tuned out a lot of the details, but it's the movie's fault and I am innocent of all charges. Aside from the fight scenes, the highlight of her appearance involves a scene where she wears a towel, and through the magic of editing, changes into a completely different outfit without letting the creepy guy she was with catch a peek. The movie is also spiced up by a reasonably funky soundtrack, including a piece that sounds suspiciously like "Gimme Some Lovin'", a song I will always associate with Iron Eagle, as the hero plays the tape as he proceeds to bomb fake Libya back to the stone age. (The movie is not known for enlightened views on foreign policy.) None of this has anything to do with My Name Called Bruce, I just wanted to talk about Iron Eagle.

It did not work in the movie's favour that I watched this on an abominable transfer, even by the standard of the less than pristine copies I've been watching most of these Bruceploitation movies on. (I'm not gonna knock the YouTube channels that posted these as I think they're doing good work, but I suspect a good DVD edition was never released for most of these movies in the first place. I remembering hearing rumours that one of the boutique Blu-ray labels was planning on releasing a Bruceploitation box set at one point, so I will likely grab that if it transpires.) There are a few scenes in darkened environments that, were I feeling more generous might suggest have an unintentional avant garde quality, but will more soberly note are just very hard to decipher. I will say that the version I watched was around twenty minutes shorter than the runtime listed on Letterboxd, but I'd wager that a longer runtime would not benefit the movie.

As for the fight scenes, most of them are watchable enough but lack enough inspiration to make an impact, especially as the villains are defined only in the loosest, most generic terms. The movie uses a fair bit of slow motion in capturing the heroine in these fight scenes, meaning that we get a lot of her hair fluttering in the wind in slow motion, and I admit I was not immune to her charms in these moments. (The heart wants what it wants.) The movie picks up in the final fifteen-to-twenty minutes when we get a fight scene where Le fends off a few baddies while blindfolded and tied up, then the heroine chases after the main baddie on motorcycle then on foot, and then we get a final showdown between her and the baddie, with Le briefly stepping in. The metamorphosis of the chase isn't quite as inspired as a similar one in The Heroin Busters (which has an all-time great climax), but is still quite a bit of fun. The final fight alas fumbles the opportunity for a two-on-one confrontation, but I suppose it would look bad if the Bruce Lee impersonator needed help in a fight. Even though the heroine ends up stepping back in at the last moment.

But yeah, twenty fun minutes, mostly at the end. Dull as shit otherwise.

[maldito-arbol]

“You don’t speak for me! I already said no!”

- It's over, Sash! You won't push me around anymore.

“That’s it. I'm sick and tired of you lot shoving me into different bodies without getting my okay first!”

- Can you blame me?! Why should I trust you?! This didn't start on Toad Tower, Sasha. You've been pushing me around my whole life.

Yikes, no wonder Andrias thought Heart would be Sasha's gem partner and Strength would be Anne's, if I remember right. And despite their names, Heart is the most powerful and the most toxic while Strength is the most neglected and perhaps the most uncomfortable with the dynamic, kind of like Anne pre-Amphibia.

Also, about this 'self-destruction' stuff in the girls' arc that I've seen in one of the asks' responses, I think it is interesting the order you have established for each of them. Marcy is the first one, her arc started in PMIT trying to be more honest and humble to redeem herself; Anne is the second one, she's learning self-love and self-care to recover from Heart's mental torture; and Sasha is the last one, trying to carry the burdens of royalty and leadership without becoming too controlling or inflexible. And now that I think about it, your entire series encapsulates this with the titles of each fic.

Paint Me In Trust: the trust between the girls is put to test with Marcy's web of lies, her desperate methods to protect them, and the consequences of her actions.

I'll Be Your Best Friend: Anne, as the 'emotional glue' of the trio, is faced with burnout and emotional baggage that she has to face to understand herself but she doesn't have to do it alone.

Call Me The One: Sasha struggles to balance queenhood, Strength sudden mood change, and her girlfriends' safety while trying to not succumb to the power and her former unhealthy behavior.

Yuuuuup I may as well come right out and say you hit it right on the nose. Andrias finds Sasha’s personality most similar to his own, and Anne’s most similar to Froog’s, which is exactly where the misconception started. He failed to realize that who you are in the dynamic does not necessarily dictate which Aspect you’re strongest in. Being the Tyrant of your friend group does NOT mean you have the biggest heart lmao. At the same time, being the Punching Bag of the group does NOT mean you are the strongest.

“Strength is the most neglected and uncomfortable” PLEASE IM GONNA CRY ABOUT STRENGTH AGAIN WNMAKWKAKAK yeah so that’s kinda how things are now, but if I’m being honest here it is not the only one. New competition who’s more neglected: Strength or Wit (I forget you still don’t know the backstory oops)

This was totally unintentional but it turns out, the order in which the girls develop is also the order in which the gems develop! (Wit and Marcy reaching an understanding and a little bit of trust, Heart asking for help, and Strength….we’ll talk about it later)

*BANGS FISTS ON TABLE* I KEEP SAYING THIS OMG BUT THE FACT THAT THOSE LYRICS MANAGE TO PERFECTLY ENCAPSULATE EVERYTHING IM DOING WITH THIS FIC SERIES IS BLOWING MY MIND SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP DODIE UR MY HERO

[crushing-on-nico-di-angelo]

Seven Nights in Cabin Thirteen

I’m inspired by another post I saw here that I didn’t wish to hijack lol, and OP deactivated or else I’d link their account here. credits to @the-ghost-king for the idea of a demigod therapy/Will being a past drug addict on this post. Yes this is a bad fic. It’s also my first fic ever. Please criticize if you see anything

Will never thought that he would ever appreciate his first monster attack. He was seven years old, and in hindsight his teacher probably only worked there to prey on young demigods (at least, that’s why he suspects the attack happened so early in his life compared to other demigods). But when Lee Fletcher sat him down 4 years later and told him that he was trans and would now be known as Lee instead of his birth name, Will knew that everything happened for a reason.

After many conversations with Lee about how he knew (gods bless that man’s patience) and with an older Athena camper who’s special interest dealt in psychology, Will realized the reason that he always felt disconnected from his mom and sisters in Austin was because he was like Lee. He was a boy.

Telling people wasn’t easy. Of course his older brother had to know; he was the one who introduced Will to this concept. Telling the rest of camp was as easy as telling Chiron, who told Dionysus, who always threatened to turn anyone into a dolphin if they talked shit about any trans kid. Telling his mom... that had to be the hardest part. How was he supposed to tell them? The only similarities they all had were that they were all musically inclined and that they were all girls.

Apparently, Will forgot that Naomi Solace was a musician. The music industry has more queers than an all girl’s school GSA. Her only questions were “Alright, what’s your name then, kiddo?” and “When do you want to set up an appointment with a therapist?” As for his siblings, well, let’s just say the oldest, Frankie, always knew. And it didn’t take long for seven-year-old Mickey to cut her doll-that-somehow-looked-exactly-like-Will’s hair and change his notes from high to low when she accompanied his singing on violin, as part of voice training.

Four years has passed since then and Will can hardly believe it. He’s stealth back at Austin because it’s just easier that way, but since a quarter of the camp knew him since he was seven, he figured there was no point; it isn’t like anyone treated him as though he wasn’t a man-- er, boy-- at camp anyways. So, life went on. He got his period for the first time during the Battle of Manhattan, that was no fun, but luckily Thalia was cool about it and made sure not to tell anyone. He started binding shortly afterwards, got a couple bruises hear and there. Kayla yelled at him for a week for that one, he remembers fondly. Discovered why it’s better to take off your contacts in the shower... that day isn’t such a fond memory. That was the first and last time he ever made himself bleed. Although, he will say that’s what sparked his interest in medicine and what made him the best doctor Camp Half Blood had seen in decades at the mere age of 15 years old. Life at camp was good, if a bit dull. He got used to the routine and the constant influx of damaged campers, the siblings and friends, and the always-perfect Texas Barbecue and Coke.

That is, until the War Between the Camps happened. Lou Ellen woke Will up before sundown that day and told him their plan. They were to hide in the tall grasses and wait for Camp Jupiter to show their ugly faces. Cecil had the genius idea to paint their faces and arms black so they’d blend into the night better, and Will supposes in the hubub of everything they forgot that his hair nearly (”nearly”) glows, even at night. Until Mr. Nico “I’m so smart, I nearly killed myself shadow travelling” di Angelo pointed it out. Whatever, it made sense at the time. They won the war against Gaea, not without sacrifice, and they finally, finally got past all the wars and destruction and health issues that they were able to just hang out and get to know each other as friends.

And boy, was their friendship amazing. Nico had the best taste in music from Will’s eyes, and that’s saying something because Will is a music snob. Nico could be a little stubborn at times, but that’s alright because so was Will (”Gods damn it, Nico, if you don’t take your medication right this second I will-” “You’ll what? Hm? You’ll force it down my throat? Last I checked that was abuse.”). They fit together so perfectly and became fast friends.

It wasn’t always sunshine and lollipops, though. What is, for a demigod? Will relapsed once and passed out right in front of Nico’s cabin. He was crashing from an exciting high that he hadn’t experienced in so long, and he felt so tired and ashamed of himself. Methamphetamine was a goddamned bitch, so while he was coming out of withdrawals, he made Nico promise not to let him leave the cabin for a week were simmering down. He had to make sure something like this never happened again. They Iris Messaged  Chiron and explained the situation, and he understood. He made sure to contact the older son of Dionysus who had been Will’s therapist in the past and said what had happened and they agreed on a session for soon after Will got mostly over his cravings.

So now they had a week of downtime together. Awesome.

“Solace, do you need anything? Are you okay?” Nico asked towards the end of the first full day that withdrawals were over.

“I’m-- fuck. I’m fine. I swear.” He responded unconvincingly.

“That’s not what you said last night... no offense, but I’m not fully inclined to believe you when you look like shit.”

“It- It... it’s not something I’d like to talk about, if that’s alright. And... don’t tell Clarisse, please.”

“I’m not going to tell anyone, don’t worry. But I would like to know if this is going to be a common occ--” Before he could even finish asking, Will was already shaking his head and responding.

“One-time thing only, I promise. Gods, I’m sorry I showed up here at all.”

“Woah, buddy. That’s not what I was saying at all. You’re my best friend, I’m glad you came here.” Will almost couldn’t believe what Nico was saying. Then again, did Nico have very many friends? Nico himself certainly didn’t seem to think so. “In any case, you don’t have to explain what happened, or what led up to this, or anything like that. I don't need to know. What I do need you to do, however, is take a shower. I’m sorry to say so, but you smell like ass.”

“Yeah well, I’m…” He couldn’t finish his sentence. How do you explain to someone that he still wanted his drugs, and he didn’t want to leave the cabin because he knew he would leave to go find some before he would even think about going to his own cabin at this point.

“You don’t have to leave,” Nico said, perhaps sensing his agitation. “I have a shower in the cabin.”

“What the fuck do you mean you have a shower in the cabin?” The shock of this knowledge get him out of his stuck mind. “How did you get plumbing in here? How did Chiron allow this?”

“I helped design my cabin, and while I may not have all the experience in architecture that Annabeth does, I do know a thing or two. I did meet with Isambard Kingdom Brunel, you know.”

“I did not know. You- Who is Isambard Kingdom Brunel?” Will asked

“Oh, some civil engineer who is like a million years old.” Will scoffed at that.

“You’re one to talk,” he teased. He was never going to let go of the fact that Nico was technically like 80 years old.

“Oh hush, William.” William… never Will, like most people. William… like he was something special, something that deserved three syllables. “Anyways, like I was saying: take a shower. You look like you were up mowing all of camp with a flashlight.”

Knowing Will’s reaction to drugs, that wasn’t unlikely. He stood up. “Lead the way? I’ve never been around your cabin before.”

Nico’s cabin was unlike any others. Using some sort of Doctor Who-like technology, there was a living room, a kitchen, and one room. Surprisingly, the walls were all light or pastel, a stark contrast from Nico’s general (and unintentional) punk-rock appearance. However, the furniture was all a deep black. Nico led him to his room, a minimalistic one with a bed, a desk, and a lamp. Will wondered where all the personalization was, but made no comment.

“Here’s the shower,” Nico pointed to yet another room in this somehow huge cabin. “If you see something amiss or odd… ignore it.” Will didn’t want to think of the implications of that sentence.

He stepped in the shower and oh my gods, watching the dirt and grime wash off him after his 8 hour high-- which he did not want to think about (and not just because the author doesn’t want to taint his search history), it was too embarrassing-- was a wonderful feeling. He was still tired. He didn’t know why, it didn’t used to be this hard. However, he was pretty sure that he tried to clean the entire outside of the hypnos cabin before going over to the Hades cabin to do the same. This was the first and last time Will would ever thank the gods for Nico’s poor sleeping patterns, he had heard him outside and came to get him before he tired himself out more.

He nearly passed out in the shower again but managed to make it out. He looked around the well-stocked bathroom and realized something that he probably should have bothered to notice before: he didn’t have any clothes with him. Fuck. He wrapped a (black) towel around his chest because he didn’t think his body could take anymore binding and prayed to Dionysus that Nico didn’t notice that his chest wasn’t exactly male.

Luckily, the first thing Nico did say was “Is that a tattoo?”

Will looked down at his sun. “Yeah, it is,” he smiled. He remembered the night he did it, it was kind of hard. He ordered a tattoo gun off amazon and had Frankie do it for him shortly after the Battle of Manhattan. Some people might think it’s in honor of his dad, which is fine. It was really for Lee Fletcher, though. His mom totally freaked, for a really long time, but after his C-PTSD diagnoses she realized that whatever works for him works as long as it isn’t drugs or self harm. He knows she wants a future for him that doesn’t involve music, and that’s why she freaked. She thought it would ruin his chances. But it’s right on his shoulder, only visible in tank tops or no shirt.

"It… its to honor the man who taught me I could be myself." Will said after a small pause.

"That's a very lovely sentiment. If he made that much of an impact on you, he must be a very cool person."

"He was." Will knew that Nico heard the was by the way that Nico nodded solemnly. "I uh… I don't wish to be more of a bother, but do you mind if I go to bed now? That shower really helped."

"Yeah, of course. I can take the couch, you know where my bed is-"

"No, absolutely not." Nico sighed softly, as though he expected this. "I can sleep on the couch, in Austin I actually prefer it to my bed."

"That's-- no offense William, but that's weird."

"It feels less lonely to me," Will protested, then let out a huge yawn.

"Alright cowboy-" Will smiled at Nico's nickname for him "-get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

"Nighty night, Neeks. Love you." he didn't miss the small smile on Nico's face before he walked away. Will has always been very loose with his 'I love you's like that. He figured it's better to say it too much than not enough.

He had found his old stash the night before, the one that Clovis had helped him forget about. He couldn't stop himself from thinking about last nights events. At the time,he told himself that he shouldn't do anything with it, and put it out of his mind for about a week, but eventually his urge to smoke overcame his self-control. He went on a rampage of cleaning and was absolutely certain he looked like a madman. The worst part is, he didn't even know why he did it. It was as though his rehabilitation hadn't even happened, as though this was something that was as natural as getting a cup of coffee in the morning. He was so mad at himself, so embarrassed.

These thoughts occupied his mind until he fell asleep about an hour after his last words to Nico. He slept with no dreams, for the first time in about a month.  

word count: 2,245

[fiddlepickdouglas]

Viva Las Vegas, Pt. 20 - Just Kids

Summary: Sunset Curve Alive AU, Willex, what consequences?, 4.9k

@trevor-wilson-covington is the bestie who makes these lovely edits, we stan supportive friends

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19

All too soon, two very familiar colors filled the back of the van. Alex’s heart immediately submerged into the dark ocean it always went to in despair, knowing they were all screwed this time. He could already see Bobby pulling onto the shoulder - they didn’t need the sound of sirens to tell them what was up. Willie still seemed like he wasn’t all present, and Alex squeezed his fingers and shook his hands to bring him back to the now. They had really hoped it wouldn’t happen. None of the guys could’ve anticipated the alarm, or that Caleb would be in town when they definitely thought he was gone, or that everything would go wrong.

Not knowing didn’t matter, though. Hours later, all five of them sat inside a holding cell at the LAPD, heads bowed as none of them dared to make eye contact with each other. It was early morning by the time all of them had been processed, and they were all varying levels of exhausted. The time passed at a frustratingly slow pace, although there was no way of telling what time it was. Thankfully, they were the only ones in the cell at the time; if there had been other inmates it would’ve sent Alex’s nerves past their threshold. A guard sat just outside a doorway to the rest of the station while another sat directly outside the cell.

Alex was tempted to wrap his arm around Willie’s shoulders, since he remained dissociated, but the eye contact from the officer sitting across from them was too unsettling. He didn’t like the thought that came through his mind - the one that made him feel like an even worse criminal, even though he knew he wasn’t. Stubbornly, Alex fought to push the feeling away, and settled for putting a hand on Willie’s shoulder. There was almost no reaction, but then Alex saw his brown eyes flicker in his direction and that was all the peace he needed.

“It’s my fault, you guys,” Reggie murmured, barely peering up from where his head hung dejectedly. “I was just so caught up in getting back - ”

“It’s not your fault, Reggie,” Bobby interrupted him gently. “He was waiting for us.”

Luke didn’t speak. His eyes couldn’t leave his empty hands. Alex almost couldn’t look at him; it was a sad image.

They had all been so sure that Caleb was finally out of LA, never spoke about their plans at the studio, had been so careful about the way they acted around him - there was no way. There was just no way that he could’ve been so ready to show up just as they were trying to get the master copies of their album out of his hands. And worse, now Alex had dragged Willie into it, and the guilt mounted even higher from there.

A female officer approached the cell with a clipboard, not bothering to look up from the page she had her eyes glued to.

“Bobby Wilson?”

Bobby raised his head at the sound of his name.

“You have an older brother here to pick you up,” she said monotonously. “You’re free to go.”

The door to the cell was opened and Bobby made his way out in slight confusion. He threw a conflicted look back toward Luke.

“Did he say if I was taking anyone with me?”

“He came for Bobby Wilson and Bobby Wilson only.” Her tone shut down any further questions that he had. Looking back apologetically, his shoulders slumped as Luke shook his head.

“Don’t worry about it,” Luke said, although not as assuring as he likely wanted to be. “I’ll be fine.”

Alex watched as Bobby’s eyes lingered for a few seconds on Reggie, who was still hunched forward with his gaze fixed on the concrete floor. It seemed so uncharacteristic for him, but Alex understood he was probably shutting down at the mere thought of returning home. The emotions ran high enough in his home as it was. They hadn’t really been given options as for who got called when they’d been brought to the police department. Finally, Bobby turned and took the car keys and wallet that had been confiscated and disappeared.

Luke moved closer to Reggie and put a hand on his back, and he began muttering something to him. They were just far enough away that Alex couldn’t properly hear what they were saying.

“Sheldon’s gonna be so freaked out when I get home,” Willie spoke suddenly. Alex turned to see him finally looking around the cell, fully aware of his surroundings.

“Hopefully he’ll be okay,” he assured. “They can only hold us for up to twelve hours; that’s what they said.”

Willie looked at him and nodded, eyes once again immediately training themselves onto empty space.

“How are you doing?” Alex asked carefully. Willie didn’t move his eyes, but he appeared to be brought back into focus again.

“I just have all these images running in my mind,” he said. “Things he did. Things I did. He decided to pretend I was dead rather than deal with my existence. It’s like he was already trying to bury me by taking away any connection to my past. Sometimes I wonder what I was like before the accident. What if I deserved this?”

For a minute, Alex merely sat with his jaw agape, as if he’d been slapped upon hearing what Willie was saying.

“Wha- ? No. Willie, that can’t be right,” he started. “You couldn’t possibly deserve any of this, no matter what happened in the past.”

Willie shook his head.

“I was in the foster system, Alex,” he argued. “From the few things I know, I was passed around a little bit. Caleb was someone who took difficult kids; he had a reputation with social services. I wanted him to be the bad guy because I got a taste of something better, but when I look around, Alex? I have no one to call. Not even family.”

It was the first time Alex had seen tears well up in his eyes since the night at the Stratosphere, but he felt that any comfort he wanted to offer wouldn’t be accepted. All he could do was look back at this beautiful boy who deserved far more than he believed, brow furrowed in silent protest. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, Willie had a point. There was a possibility that the guys’ dislike of the man had become biased based on Willie’s story, as unintentional as it may have been. Still, Alex refused to believe that it was because Willie was the real menace.

“Look, we may never know the truth,” he started, trying to look at him as directly as he could. “But I’m the one who got you here; I take responsibility for that. And sometimes having someone to call doesn’t mean they’re there for you.”

Willie gave him a look that was mixed, but he mostly read concern. Frankly, Alex wasn’t sure what his own parents’ reaction would be, but he didn’t dare hope for any sort of understanding.

“Reggie Peters?” The same female officer approached the cell again with her clipboard.

Reggie turned away from his conversation with Luke, sucking in a nervous breath.

“Your mother is here to take you home; you’re free to go.”

Pressing his lips together anxiously, Reggie simply bowed his head as he was escorted out the same way Bobby had been. Luke promptly spread himself out along the bench, pulling his beanie over his face.

For a while, Alex let his mind wander as he kept his hand resting on Willie’s shoulder. What Willie had said made him want to reevaluate the whole situation with Caleb. It wasn’t that he thought Willie was as bad as he said he was, but it stood to be examined. He remembered the difference between his short first impression of the man at the diner, and the second time he’d seen him. He even remembered his own reasoning - how it was possible that Caleb could come off as so severe while running a diner but maintain such charisma while serving guests.

A pang of memory also came as Alex had noted he didn’t seem like a straight man and after months of actually working with him there was even greater evidence toward that notion. It had been what made Alex want to trust him in the beginning. Finding an adult figure who offered him a break from being constantly vigilant about the way he naturally felt had been a blessing. Not even Alex could ignore that. However, something still told him that just because they had that in common didn’t make Caleb trustworthy.

“Luke Patterson?” All three boys looked up in surprise when they heard the officer’s voice a third time. Luke clutched his beanie to his chest, confused most of all as he sat up from the bench. Instead of announcing who had come for him, the officer stepped aside as two familiar faces came toward the cell.

Julie Molina and her Aunt Victoria looked at the boys, both with stern expressions.

“Julie?” Luke uttered in surprise, standing up from the bench and slowly moving toward her. 

Folding her arms, Julie had her eyes fixed on Luke with a brand of disappointment that appeared to burn like acid. She flashed the same look toward Alex for a moment and he was duly stung. Luke could make all the sad, pleading puppy faces he wanted, but ultimately was struck dumb by knowing he had no room to speak.

“We have a lot to talk about,” Julie told him, the chastising tone not to be missed. Luke’s face fell and he hung his head, looking back toward Alex with a similar apologetic look as Bobby had given.

Alex caught Victoria also looking at him. It was still stern, but more in telling him she was let down. Why it compounded his already guilty feelings even more, he couldn’t understand. Her expression changed, however, as she looked at Willie next to him, as though she were trying to recall where she recognized him. Immediately forgetting his guilt for a moment, Alex perked up and subtly pointed a finger toward him, mouthing the name “Willie!” to her. She looked at him incredulously, and it was a shame the officer was already escorting them out with Luke, because he was sure she had questions.

“Was that Julie’s mom?” Willie asked. Startled, Alex looked at him and cleared his throat.

“Ah, no, that was her aunt,” he told him. “Her mom is still in the hospital.”

“Oh,” Willie replied, casting he gaze to where they had left with a look of empathy. “That really sucks.”

“Yeah,” Alex agreed.

For the second surprise that night (morning? Alex couldn’t tell), and for the fourth time, the female officer returned.

“William Taylor?”

Willie looked at Alex in utter perplexity, and then back at the officer.

“Um…” he began saying. Before he finished, Flynn came around the corner accompanied by a woman both boys assumed was her mother.

“Hey big bro!” she said in a highly exaggerated tone, sending them a gigantic wink with a grin that was very out of place. “Looks like you messed up big time mister!”

Willie could only stare back in shock. Alex was too busy trying not to laugh at her poor acting skills. It was so obvious that she and Willie weren’t family.

“Hey...sis,” Willie said finally, still unsure what was happening just then.

Holding onto the bars and leaning close into the holding cell, Flynn dropped the grin immediately.

“Julie tipped us off and Alex’s parents aren’t coming, so we’re doing you guys a big favor,” she said to them in a low voice, laying on the irritation and topping it off with a tilt of her head and a smile that suggested murder.

Promptly, Willie stood up and was let out of the cell, still looking at Flynn and her mom in bewilderment. Alex sat with his hands folded in uncertainty.

“Him too,” Flynn’s mom nodded toward him. The officer opened the door for him and Alex sighed as he came out, realizing just how high his nerves had really been while sitting there for the past few hours. He could suddenly feel the blood rushing into his fingers again.

As he and Willie followed Flynn and her mom outside, he wasn’t surprised that his parents had opted not to come get him. If he guessed right, his father would’ve refused to go in some backward attempt to show tough love, and his mother would’ve been barred from going herself to show she agreed with the choice. Both he and Willie thanked Flynn’s mom as they sat in the back seat of her van.

Flynn turned around in the passenger seat as they drove off and Alex knew what was coming.

“How many times am I gonna save your ass?” she directed at Willie.

“Language, honey,” her mom warned. Flynn rolled her eyes, but backed down a little.

Willie smiled nervously at her.

“Third time’s a charm?” he offered with little confidence.

“There better not be a third time,” she cautioned. “Seriously, what were you thinking?”

Alex opened his mouth to respond but she put up a hand.

“Actually, save it. Anything I have to say is just what Julie will say to you guys later, and she’s the one who’s really mad at you. Right now, I’ve got permission to skip school and I’m not gonna waste it lecturing you two.”

Sharing a look with Willie, both boys were happy to at least not have to endure Julie’s wrath right that minute. It was only imaginable what Luke was going through at the moment.

“So, how did you know I was there?” Willie asked.

Flynn leaned back into the correct position in her seat and took in a deep breath.

“Julie’s aunt is supposed to be on sabbatical, but apparently she can’t stop doing little bits of work here and there. She’s an investigator. Anyway, I guess she was doing something at ungodly hours on a Sunday night for God knows why, and she was already in the station when Sunset Gets-Caught-Being-Stupid was brought in. I guess she tried to make sure nobody called the Pattersons because she promised Julie she won’t, and she found out there was a fifth kid with no emergency contact so she had Julie call me, and I had to wake up at six-thirty this morning to an angry Julie and while I, for one, don’t care that you were trying to steal something, the way y’all did it was just so dumb, I can’t even stand to look at y’all - ”

“Okay, we get it,” Alex interrupted.

“But the important thing is,” Flynn continued. “We can’t take you guys home. Sorry.”

“Wait, why not?” Alex asked.

“I have one hour before I need to be in the office,” Flynn’s mom told them. “So I’m putting my girl in charge of you two for the day.”

Flynn looked back at them smugly.

“Oh, I’m putting you two to work,” she said, not hiding how much she enjoyed being in a position of power.

Alex could only gesture with his hands in a manner of saying “ah, well,” and sighing in acceptance. This was loads better than dealing with his parents for the time being. And Willie seemed to have finally broken entirely out of the strange trance he’d been in ever since they’d seen Caleb.

“Do we get a nap first?” Willie asked. “‘Cuz we’ve been awake all night.”

Flynn’s eyebrows shot up in realization and she flopped back into her seat again with a sigh.

“That’s fair.”

It was well past noon by the time Alex opened his eyes. They had thanked Mrs. Taylor and then immediately passed out on the living room couch. Barely gaining his bearings, he found Willie still zonked on the opposite arm of the couch. He couldn’t help but admire his sleeping form, so much calmer than any other time he knew. The sunlight streaming in from the blinds glanced perfectly off his cheekbones and highlighted the rich brown tones in his hair. Alex had been struck by how handsome he was from the second they met at the diner, but he’d hardly gotten a moment to properly appreciate how beautiful he was.

Somehow there was something so lonely about him that brought an ache to Alex’s chest. Their conversation from earlier replayed in his mind. Willie really seemed to believe he didn’t belong anywhere when the only thing Alex wanted in the whole world was to keep him tightly in his arms. He really hoped to show Willie how much he meant to him some day. 

“Oh my god, you are so in love with him,” he heard Flynn saying as she stood at the edge of the living room. He was too tired to give a proper response and could only turn to her still wearing a look of fondness. “Oh my god, stop, you are so precious!”

All Alex could do was lightly chuckle in return. Flynn tilted her head adoringly.

“And to think I was there from the beginning,” she reminisced.

Alex had a realization hit.

“I never said thank you, did I?”

She shrugged.

“No. But now you get to pay me back by doing all the chores my mom left for you.”

Heaving a sigh, Alex sank back into the couch and pressed his lips together, already reeling from exhaustion.

“Yep,” he muttered before reaching over and grabbing Willie’s hand, gently shaking it to kindly wake him up.

“Sheldon...stop,” Willie groaned as his tired face pinched together against the light. Alex giggled as he leaned over and tried shaking his shoulder instead.

“Hey, it’s me,” he said in a low voice, watching as Willie’s eyes fluttered open and immediately gazed back into his face. The absolutely enamoured smile that spread from cheek to cheek as he took in Alex’s face framed with his hair hanging down was more than Alex could take, and he felt honest-to-God butterflies in his stomach.

“Hey,” Willie murmured, his voice a pitch lower than usual from being asleep with just the right amount of vocal fry. It took all of Alex’s strength not to smother him right there on the couch.

“I really do hate to break this up, you lovebirds,” Flynn told them. “But it’s time to get to work!” She clapped her hands and the boys clambered off the couch, still sharing admiring looks at each other. She led them through her house, listing off the many things her mom had demanded: cleaning bathrooms, weeding the garden, and mowing the lawn were all there.

“And last but not least,” Flynn was saying as she led them upstairs. She flung the door open to an unfurnished room with bare walls and plastic covering the floor. “Painting!”

Alex saw Willie’s face transform from bleary task mode to shining with joy at the prospect of getting to paint. He wasn’t sure what it was, but everything Willie did was making him fall even further in a way he hadn’t thought possible. They were doing household chores for heaven’s sake. It made him consider doing all the rest of the chores just to let Willie do something he enjoyed. After seeing his reaction to Caleb, Alex thought it would lift his spirits more than anything.

“I say we divide and conquer then?” he suggested, putting a hand on Willie’s shoulder and giving it a firm squeeze. Willie tore his eyes away from the unpainted walls to give Alex a puzzled look.  Before he could ask questions, though, Alex simply looked him directly in the eyes and nodded toward the room before them, insisting he stay and paint without saying a word. He saw Willie’s expression soften and one corner of his mouth turn up in a delighted smirk once he understood the message.

“Okay,” Willie muttered to him, facing the bare walls with newfound glee.

Willie watched Alex head back down the stairs and he couldn’t help but be overwhelmed with gratitude. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to spend as much time with him as possible - looking into that angelic face as he’d woken up had spun his head more than anything else in his life - but it was just the thought of how he was suddenly in Alex’s world and it was so...different. It vaguely reminded him of hanging out with everyone after the show at the Pearl, but it appeared to be so much deeper and so tight-knit. Julie and Flynn and their families went so far as to stick out their necks for the guys when they really had messed up, and it wasn’t even an obligation. Even being made to do housework for people who were still practically strangers to him felt like he was being taken in with open arms. He had the intruding thought that he’d eventually wear out his welcome.

“So, are we painting everything the same?” he asked Flynn, rubbing his hands together. Flynn wagged a finger and smiled with excitement.

“No,” she teased. Going over to a corner, she lifted two cans of paint, handing one of them to him. Looking at the swatch smeared on the top of the lid, Willie smiled to see a lovely teal, and then sunflower yellow on the can in Flynn’s hands.

“Oooh yes, these are some good choices,” he said, rolling up a sleeve with his free hand. All the worried thoughts could be put aside as they began popping the lids off and mixing the paint. “Have you got a hair tie I could borrow?”

“There is something about a boy asking me that question that just feels amazing,” Flynn commented as she briefly headed out to fetch one. Giggling at her remark, Willie lifted the paint mixer and watched the color drip into the can in fascination. There was something familiar about the notion of painting that made him wonder if it was something he’d done often before. Before forgetting. Would putting the brush in his hand unleash some kind of muscle memory or sense of nostalgia for something he didn’t know he had? Flynn returned with the hair tie and handed it to him, and he immediately pulled his hair back into a small bun.

“Alright, so these walls are gonna be the teal green color,” Flynn instructed, pointing toward the walls furthest from the window. “And these over here are gonna be yellow. I’ll start with the yellow and meet you at the corner, sound good?” Willie nodded at her as she moved her paint supplies over to the opposite side of the room, putting her braids up into a ponytail as well.

“Copy that,” Willie replied.

Once the paint was all mixed they got to work, both silently focused on the task at hand. For a while, all that could be heard was the repetitive swipe of brushes against the texture of the wall. There had been no sweeping rush like Willie imagined, but a gentle comfort quickly took over as he watched the color fill the empty space. He heard a loud buzzing outside and for a moment, peeked out the window to see Alex steady at work mowing the lawn below.

“So,” Flynn started, almost making him jump as he turned his attention to her. “It looks like our skater boy likes to paint; do you do art too? I saw your face.”

Chuckling, Willie hadn’t realized he’d gotten himself stuck in a situation that warranted friendly banter. Out of all of Alex’s friends, though, she was the one he’d seen the most, now that he thought about it. Despite how aggressive she had appeared at first, he really enjoyed her energy.

“Yeah, actually I draw. A lot,” he told her.

“Nice!” she nodded. “What kind of stuff do you draw?”

“People...places,” he said thoughtfully as he continued painting. “Memories.”

Flynn kept nodding, her expression becoming more pensive. “Cool.... Memories are interesting. Did you do a lot of cool things when you were little?”

Willie chewed on his tongue for a minute, realizing she still didn’t know. Even now that he’d been away from Caleb for a while and Alex’s reaction had been so kind, sometimes speaking of his amnesia still felt like something that wasn’t allowed. Regardless, it was a pretty important detail.

“I actually don’t know,” he stated. Flynn’s eyebrows knit together in response. “I was in an accident a little over a year ago, and I don’t remember anything - well, I remember a few things, but not a lot. Whatever I can figure out, I try to draw it so it stays with me.”

She gave him a long sympathetic look. Every time it was different; Alex had been a little shocked but then really sweet, Bessie had merely brushed over it like it wasn’t anything crazy, and now Flynn had her big brown eyes staring with such sadness in them. Again, he wondered how much he had really lost along with his memory. It seemed to be a thing everyone else could properly mourn, knowing the difference, but he couldn’t no matter how much he tried.

“That’s really awful,” she said. “I’m sorry.”

Willie only nodded, accepting her words.

“It sucks, but I manage,” he said. They both resumed painting after noticing they had stopped for a moment.

“I mean, you made it here, which is pretty amazing,” Flynn told him. “Well, not here as in we just picked you up from the police station, but you know, you left Vegas and have your sweet job at the record shop.”

He shrugged, trying to be casual. Those thoughts were getting to him today in a way they hadn’t ever before. The ones that said he was still messing everything up anyway. He was just in a different city with a different job. It was great that he’d miraculously found Alex, which had been his entire goal, but now that he’d passed that step in his plan, life went on. And it hadn’t really become so different, now that Caleb had his hands on things again. There were still so many questions about that as well, because he really did wonder if maybe he had made everything out to be worse in his mind. Caleb had been his guardian for three years and Willie was one of numerous kids - he couldn’t be that insidious, could he?

“I said, ‘you’re dripping paint on your shirt!’” Flynn repeated to him, enunciating loudly and snapping him out of his train of thought.

“Oh,” he started, looking down at his now ruined shirt and then continuing to work on the wall. He could live with it.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” she asked.

He shook his head. “It’s nothing. I just keep thinking.”

“Uh huh. Whole lot of nothing to think about in there.”

Willie shot her a slightly wounded look. She rolled her eyes.

“Sarcasm, sorry. Looks like you have so much on your mind you can’t even function. So what’s up?”

He looked at her, unsure where to begin. It was great that she seemed easy to trust, because it made him less hesitant about talking, but he didn’t want to turn the painting session into something else. His mouth betrayed him though.

“I just keep thinking that maybe I have everything wrong and I brought all the guys down with me,” he confessed. Flynn didn’t respond, but listened quietly. “I met Alex and it was amazing! And I got it in my head that maybe being here with him would make everything better. But it looks like I’m just a bad influence.”

Flynn had nodded along until that last sentence, to which she tilted her head and squinted.

“Hold up,” she said. “Alex told me Caleb was your guardian, right?”

Willie nodded.

“Who also told Alex you were dead for no good reason?”

He nodded again.

“And you think you’re the bad guy here?” She had set down her brush and placed her hands on her hips.

Taking in a deep breath, Willie prepared to explain.

“Well - ”

Flynn simply held up both hands to shut him up.

“Willie. Buddy. You’re just a kid.”

You’re just a kid.

The words echoed around in his brain for a little bit as he let them settle in. She was right. Somehow he’d lost sight of that.

“You made some mistakes, I get it,” she continued. “But you’re not the bad guy. You’re still figuring things out. Actually, you know what I first thought of you? Well, actually, my first thought was that you were some creep who was trying to get into my friend’s concert, but after that, you know who I saw? A really good guy trying to show someone he cared. And bad people don’t do that.”

For a long time Willie just stared back at her in amazement. Somehow Flynn had managed to completely obliterate any other self-deprecating thought he had. It was the most human he’d felt all day. There was a sticky thud as his brush landed on plastic and he rushed to throw his arms around her.

“Oh!” she cried in surprise, slowly accepting the hug in return and patting his back. Willie squeezed her tightly and then stepped back, chuckling to himself as a small wave of embarrassment hit.

“Julie has good taste in friends,” he told her. “You’re really good at those pep talks.”

Flynn beat her chest with her palm and graciously took the compliment.

“Thank you.”

Willie picked up his brush again and continued working. He almost laughed when he had the thought that while he technically already had a boyfriend, Flynn was his first real friend. He was going to make that count.

[dreamersleeps]

Feathers of Truth and Judgement

Ma’at and the Weighing of the Heart: Revisiting the Death of Jin Bubaigawara 

Before I begin, this may not make any sense if you are not familiar with some of what I’ve written about. This is an add on to my post about the interesting similarities between Hawks’ character and the Egyptian God Horus. 

Recap: Tokoyami, Hawks and Endeavor 

To recap what I’ve already written previously, there are most definitely Greek/Roman mythological influences in BNHA but there are also Egyptian ones as well most explicitly through Tokoyami Fumikage who basically looks like how Egyptian dieties were portrayed: the head of an animal and the body of a human. Additionally, he has a move named after an Egyptian symbol, the Ankh and his quirk, Dark Shadow is basically a version of the Egyptian concept of the shadow, called shut/swt. 

And so I began looking at where else there may be some interesting similarities between BNHA and Egyptian mythology, and eventually started making some connections between Hawks and Horus, and Endeavor and Ra, the Sun God that fit the narrative and symbolism of the two characters. Whether they are mere coincidences or unintentional, I still think that it is interesting to look at and consider. So here we are. 

The Egyptian Underworld

The image above is from the Book of the Dead of Ani. Osiris is depicted sitting with Isis and Nephthys behind him. 

In Egyptian mythology, Horus is the son of Osiris and Isis. One of the most famous stories tells of how Osiris’ brother Set takes his life, cuts his body in to several pieces and disperses them across Egypt. A spirit can only travel in to the underworld if they are properly embalmed and buried so Horus and Isis travel around and search for the parts of Osiris’ body. (Depending on the source you are looking at, some say that Isis traveled around with her sister Nephthys, and Horus was born after she resurrects Osiris). 

Osiris is resurrected and is able to travel to the underworld where he becomes the Egyptian Lord of the Underworld, and the Judge of the Dead. 

Why am I bringing up Osiris? Well his son, Horus is important in relating back to Hawks and Endeavor, but he also leads us to another important deity who I will introduce later. Back when I was gathering information to work with, I noticed that there was some interesting bits about the Afterlife and Judgement process I wanted to add in but to keep it simple, I cut that part out. However, I thought that this was too interesting to not post about. 

The Egyptian Afterlife and Judgement 

In order to illustrate and explain what the ancient Egyptians believed happened after an individual passed, I included a large excerpt below from the World History Encyclopedia: 

In the Egyptian Book of the Dead it is recorded that, after death, the soul would be met by the god Anubis who would lead it from its final resting place to the Hall of Truth. 

When it came one’s turn, Anubis would lead the soul to stand before Osiris and the scribe of the gods, Thoth in front of the golden scales. The goddess Ma’at, personification of harmony and balance, would also be present and surrounded by the Forty-Two Judges who would consult with these gods on one’s eternal fate. 

The soul would then recite the Negative Confessions in which one needed to be able to claim, honestly, that one had not committed certain sins. The negative declarations, always beginning with “I have not...” or “I did not...”, following the opening prayer went to assure Osiris of the soul’s purity. Each sin listed was thought to have disrupted one’s harmony and balance while one lived and separated the person from their purpose on earth as ordained by the gods.

Anubis or Qebhet, his daughter weighs a human’s soul against the weight of the feather of Ma’at while Osiris watches on, Isis and Nephthys behind him. 

The ‘heart’ of the soul was handed over to Osiris who placed it on a great golden scale balanced against the white feather of Ma’at, the feather of truth on the other side. If the soul’s heart was lighter than the feather then the gods conferred with the Forty-Two Judges and, if they agreed that the soul was justified the person could pass on toward the Field of Reeds, or paradise. 

If the heart proved heavier, it was thrown to the floor of the Hall of Truth where it was devoured by Amenti/Amut. Once the person’s heart is devoured, the individual soul ceased to exist (The ancient Egyptians had no concept that is equivalent to the Judeo-Christian hell).

I’m sure you’ve identified one of the key highlights from the excerpt above that connects directly to Hawks: Ma’at’s feather. Let’s take a closer look at the deity. 

The Goddess Ma’at, the Feather of Truth and Judgment

In ancient Egyptian mythology, Ma’at was the goddess of truth, justice, balance and morality. She is often depicted as a woman, with a feather on her head and/or with wings (as depicted above). She was the daughter of the sun god Ra, and the wife of Thoth, the god of wisdom and the moon. 

The feather she wears on her head symbolizes her being and presence. It was a representation of balance and order, and it eventually became a hieroglyph for  “truth.” 

Truth, truth, truth, what does it have to do with Hawks? Well, Hawks is a man who yearns for the truth. He seeks information out, collects it, and analyzes it. When he was first introduced he was shrouded in mystery, people wondered, was he someone to be trusted? 

While he could be very blunt with the truth, he was also very deceptive and good at lying. Truth and knowledge is very intertwined with his character design as we see in his name. 

Hawks’ true name, gets revealed to us through Dabi: Takami Keigo. According to the BNHA fandom website, Hawks’ surname translates as:

“hawk” (taka 鷹) + “see, visible, idea” (mi 見 )

While his first name translates as:

“disclose, open, say” (kei  啓) + “enlightenment, understanding” (go  悟).

What does Hawks do with all the information and “truths” he gathers? Well, what do we do when we hear or discover the truth? 

We make a judgement. 

In the court of law, truths and evidences are used to pass judgement. In ancient Egypt, Ma’at was associated with the law and justice. 

The ‘Spirit of Ma’at’ was embodied by the chief judge in charge of the Egyptian law courts. He had a dual role, serving as both a priest and working directly in the law courts and justice system. They wore the feather of Ma’at and all other court officials wore small golden images of the goddess as a sign of their judicial authority, also as a symbol that their judgement would be balanced and fair. 

Priests drew the Feather of Ma’at on their tongues with green dye, so that the words they spoke were the truth. They would rule on the earthly punishment according to the nature of the law that had been broken. 

Punishments included imposing fines, corporal punishment and in extreme cases capital punishment. It was considered a crime against Ma’at if a person engaged in jealousy, dishonesty, gluttony, laziness, injustice, and ungratefulness (ancient origins). 

Hawks’ Fierce Wings quirk gives him the ability to turn his feathers in to weapons as we see below which is quite ironic or absurd to think about.

How can a feather condemn someone to death? Well as we saw earlier, in ancient Egypt, one’s fate was determined by the sins they committed in the life they led, and ultimately the weight of their soul compared to that of the Feather of Ma’at. 

We are presented with Jin’s backstory that Hawks was most likely able to dig up through his sources which is how he got to his conclusion. 

Similar to the process that takes place in the Hall of Truth, Jin’s past and life is reviewed, gone through, and he see how he came to be the person he was. Hawks calls him unlucky. He believes that Jin is a good person, and can be helped.

The problem is, is that heroes are no supposed to act as the judge, jury or executioner. The main role of heroes is to save, and subdue those who are dangerous, passing them on to the police and courts of law: as Hawks was originally intending to do.

But as Jin continues to resist, Hawks changes his intentions. 

Their struggle concludes with the death of Jin Bubaigawara. 

The Heroes are not Gods 

The ancient Egyptians looked to Ma’at to maintain the balance and harmony between good and evil. She represented the truth and morality, and under her guidance those behind the law passed judgement.  

However Hawks is not Ma’at. He is not a god. Instead of acting as a servant of the law, Hawks takes it upon himself to embody and become the law. But on the basis of what exactly? It does not matter because he passes judgement himself. He takes his feather and executes Jin based on what he believes is the truth and justice. We are reminded of this objectiveness through the subtitle of Volume 27: One’s Justice. 

For the longest time, heroes basically were perceived as living gods. Even worshipped, to an extent. Quirks set heroes apart from civilians, placing them on top of the pyramid of power. People lived in a hero saturated society, similar as to how the ancient Egyptians lived with their deities being a part of a great majority of their day to day existences. Despite all the interesting connections and parallels that I can write about, especially with Endeavor and Hawks, it does not change the truth that they are still human: as human as the quirkless.  Perhaps their greatest fault was that they acted and lived like gods.

As always, thank you for putting in time to read through this post! I appreciate it. Manga panels throughout this post are from Chapters 264, 265, and 291

[monysmediareview]

Mortal Instruments Series Review

My first review! Yay! 

We’re going to start with a series I recently got very into and then very out of: The Mortal Instruments series. I only read the first 3 books. I started the 4th and simply wasn’t interested, but we’ll get into that. 

This is honestly going to be a mixed review. There was a lot that I really loved about this series and was super happy to see so many well written or well thought out elements, but there’s also a lot that I wasn’t pleased with and could have done without. For the purpose of this review I will only be talking about the books and not the show or the movie, but again, we’ll get to that later. 

First thing’s first: the lovers to siblings back to lovers plot

What the actual fuck was that? I mean, I get it, the drama of it all was intense and emotional. I loved it for that but let’s take a moment to really consider what was wrong with this. I could have gotten on this band wagon, because it is dramatic as hell, which I love. But there are several moments throughout the first three books where, to Jace and Clary’s knowledge, they are full blood, 100% siblings, but they still make out. 

Outside the Wayland house in City of Glass they literally lay in a field, making out, taking clothes off. Not only is the world around them quite literally ending but at this moment they are under the impression that they are siblings. But they do it anyway. Which is disturbing to say the least. Sure, it makes it that much more of a relief when we find out they aren’t siblings and that Jonathan is a whole other person, but there were other ways to do that. This is a story read by a ton of young, impressionable, mostly female readers and that is just such a strange message to send. They’re already confused and worried about the world going on around them, why on earth would you throw that in, too? Thinking back to middle school, I can remember at least 2 cases of brothers and sisters being accused of hooking up and I now wonder if this series had anything to do with that. I shudder to think about it. 

Izzy deserved better

Right off the bat, we see Izzy through Clary’s pick me girl eyes and she does not like Izzy. She’s threatened by her and her connection with Jace. Again, why are we alluding to siblings hooking up with each other? It’s weird and uncomfy and Izzy deserved better than that. 

She’s a strong, independent, smart, well trained, self sufficient woman and I would have read so much more about her if it was there. Izzy is emotionally mature, resilient, and in my opinion would have been a much better main character for a series like this. There was no reason for Cassandra Clare to make Izzy so unlikable or have Clary put her down like that. This was actually an amazing opportunity to pass the Bechdel test but to have a strong female/female relationship and set a really good example for the younger readers. 

The Jace/Clary/Simon love triangle was weak 

I’m a sucker for a good love triangle. It’s an old, played out trope but I can’t help it. The drama of it all is intriguing and I like them. However, the love triangle with Clary and Simon and Jace just wasn’t juicy enough. Having Clary date Simon simply because she couldn’t be with Jace anymore was really weird, especially considering Simon had almost given up/gotten over Clary because he was interested in Izzy. Then, he drops Izzy, runs to Clary and then they just stop dating and decide to be friends. And then he goes back to Izzy from what I can tell from the beginning of City of Fallen Angels, which I think discredits her even more to go back to someone who left in her in dust like that. But I digress. 

If there was going to be a genuine love triangle, there needed to be a struggle of choice. Having her only choose Simon because he was what was left over was not a strong plot point and I felt that it took away from the story. It could have even been improved if Jace had shown outward jealousy or tried to convince her not to be with him but instead he ignored it. But that takes me to my next point. 

Jace was kind of an asshole 

I understand the idea of a “bad boy” love interest. It’s hot, it’s interesting, it’s everything every girl wants. But I’m also kind of over it. And in this case, it didn’t even stick. Jace very quickly goes from complete asshole to emotional loverboy and while I’d normally love that, it actually felt unintentional. I don’t have too much to say about this other than begging for writers and readers to have higher standards for male love interests in these types of stories. 

Jace’s unconditional love for Clary even though she’s boring

Category is: more tropes I’m kind of done with. 

The thing is, Clary isn’t anything special. It’s why I really don’t like her as a character. It enforces this trope of these “regular” but also “not like other girls” girls who get a bad boy to fall in love with them and suddenly be soft and gentle and kind just for them. It’s not realistic and it is so so damaging to the young girls who read things like this. Not that I think we should censor art or writing in any way to make it more morally upstanding or appealing to certain groups, but I do think that in wide spread media it is important to be conscious of the impact your work might make on certain groups of people. If a story like this needed to exist, then maybe it shouldn’t have been marketed to the audience it was. And let’s be real - there was no reason these characters couldn’t have been college aged instead of 16. 

Back to the topic at hand - Jace has completely unconditional love for Clary. I think that’s super cute but it is almost unhealthy the way he’s obsessed with her. Maybe it was just how I read it but I think there could have definitely been a better way to express that he’s in love with her without making it seem like he would die without her. 

Moral of the story, kids - let’s stop romanticizing unhealthy relationships. 

Simon being a Jewish vampire was a fantastic idea 

If you follow my main blog you probably know how much I love vampires. It’s kind of my thing. It’s why I picked up this series in the first place; because I was told that it had a really cool vampire subplot and it absolutely does. 

Vampires have always had a strong connection to catholicism, what with the crosses and the holy water and the churches and all that. It had never even occurred to me that a Jewish vampire might have to abide by different rules and it begs the question of how religion plays into vampirism in the first place. 

I don’t want to spend too much time on this because I could write pages and pages and pages on my take on vampires but I just wanted to praise this aspect of the series because it is badass. I hope we see more vampires of other religions popping up in media in the future. I think that would be dope as hell. 

Alec and Magnus are my OTP of this series

As far as love stories go I really don’t think it gets better than this couple. There wasn’t too much of them in the books I read but I became absolutely obsessed anyway. Magnus, who seems to be portrayed as some kind of bad boy in his own rite; you know, like an immortal whore, falling in love with Alec. Alec who is strong and kind and loves with his whole heart but hides who he really is. They help each other change for the better and seem to really complete each other. Even if this wasn’t entirely intentional, I’m here for it. I would die for them. If/when I review the TV show there will definitely be a ton about this. 

There are far too many parallels to Twilight for my liking

Okay, there aren’t that many. SMeyer does have a quote about how much she loves the series on the front of all the books that I have, though, and that’s too much already. Beside that there are a few things I noticed. 

Bella is obviously SMeyer’s self insert character and that makes me think that Clary is too. First of all the names are incredibly similar and let’s just take a look at Cassandra Clare.

Look familiar? 

Not to mention the story was stolen in the first place, but that’s for another review. I plan on reading that series as well to make my own observations. 

This series did not need to exceed 3 books

By the end of City of Glass, the story felt over to me. There were a few loose ends but nothing that ultimately made me want to keep reading and that’s why I think the 4th book fell flat. The entire thing could have been wrapped up nicely in three books or the end of the third book should have been more enticing and inviting to another installment. 

So, overall, I did enjoy the series. I think a lot of the characters were really well written, the dialogue was good, and the plot, while it has its flaws, was interesting at the very least. I’ll definitely be giving the rest of the books a shot at some point since the show opened my eyes to what plot lines may have been followed and I like that idea a lot. I know it seems like I really hate this series, but I don’t. It certainly has it’s issues but if you’re looking for something fun to read that you don’t plan on taking too seriously then I highly recommend. 

Until next time, friends!

[lokis-omnistrose]

For My First Trick....er... Post!

I thought I would give a little info about me. Heads-up: If you dislike any of this, you can either put up with it or kindly find the door, because while I will happily entertain intelligent debate/ discussion, telling me I'm wrong for my beliefs (note I said "beliefs". Telling me I'm wrong because I'm misinformed and actively have my *facts* wrong is welcome and encouraged. See below for more) is bigoted, rude, and toxic and will not be entertained. Yes, I sound like a B**** for that, but hey, gotta be honest off the bat, right?

If you're interested in learning more about me...

- I'm Omnist, raised Roman Catholic. What does that mean? Well, it means I'm royally effed up lol. Really, though, it means I was raised in the RC tradition, so have a lot of RC beliefs ingrained in me. However, due to past traumas, you could say I 'lost my faith'. I started believing that I was being punished for something, then realised I had done nothing to be punished for, so wondered why I was being treated the way I was. I drifted away from RC, and gradually found Athena and Artemis and comfort. Over the years, I also discovered the Morrigan, along with multiple others, and found that I believed in multiple pantheons - aka Omnist (not devoted to a specific religion, but religious to a degree).

In recent months, I've started to find that more and more things have been guiding me toward Loki, and have accepted him as my chief male god (until recently, I only followed female gods, mainly a coincidence, but slightly intentional), though strangely, Thor and Odin followed. So yeah, I'm kinda mixed up lol.

- I believe strongly in the number 3. Maybe because of my Catholic upbringing, I feel a strong bond with the number 3 and 'holy trinities'. Triple Goddesses have always meant a lot to me, and I find it no coincidence or surprise that when Loki found me, Thor and Odin followed. My avatar symbol is actually the Triskelion/ Triskele, or a version of the triskeles, which is often used as a representative symbol for triple deities. I became somewhat obsessed with it years ago when I had recently become hooked on symbology, and it's been important to me ever since.

- My 'spirit animals' are wolves and ravens, the latter being most prominent. I've always been drawn to wolves for some reason, but ravens are ever-present in my life in one way or another. If you see me anywhere online, there's a solid chance I either have ravens in my username, avatar or character (skin or accessory), or some version of the word (other language, derivative, etc).

- I change hobbies faster than most people change underpants. Any day you ask, there's a good chance I've either picked up or dropped a hobby. It can be anything, from something as relatively normal as painting to something as relatively unusual as studying grammatical similarities between languages (yes, that's a real one that comes and goes).

- However, the ones that stay are singing, writing, music in general, Marvel/ some DC (yes, I cross the divide, though DC characters just don't interest me as much as a whole, however there are a few I adore), gaming - though I can't actually play video games often because of issues with my hands, crafting, paganism (both as a study and as a practice, to a degree), human rights and their history, mythology, the paranormal, cooking/ food, and herbology.

- I'm Pansexual, but grey-ace. Basically, that means I can be attracted to anyone, regardless of gender, but sexual attraction isn't something I experience on a regular basis. I can go from 'I'mma jump him/ her/ them before long' to 'make me think about sex again and I will throw up' (no exaggeration there). As a result, relationships can be a minefield for me because I desperately want to give love to people, but my drive is about as unpredictable as lightning, so I'm always afraid I'm gonna disappoint whoever I'm with by not being 'enough'. I get the feeling that's likely a common feeling for people like me, so I seek to be open and share with people, because ours isn't a very commonly heard perspective.

- I do not accept bullying. Whether it be of me or of anyone on my blog, anyone I see being bullied online, or (if I feel I can safely step in) irl, I will put a stop to it, or at least try. I've been there, and I know how much it can mess you up for life if it's persistent, and I am not about to stand by and let someone be picked on. If you pick on someone in my comments, prepare to be blocked and/ or named and shamed, and if you send an abusive/ bullying ask, you will receive the same. If anonymous, I may highlight it to show what an immature blockhead you are, but I'm not going to stoop to being abusive. You will be taken down, but I will do so by pointing out every flaw in your ask, not by stooping to your level.

- I welcome everyone, as long as you're nice. Got a question? Go right ahead and ask! Got a suggestion! Lemme know! Wanna be friends? 100%! (though don't expect me to reliably message back and forth because my memory is so crap, I can't guarantee that. I've never had many friends and I'm very introverted, so friendship is not something i'm all that smart about lol).

- I read a crapton of fanfic. Literally most of my followed accounts are fanfic because they inspire me for my own. I don't mean that in the sense that I poach ideas, but more that they help me get back into the groove of wanting to write, and then ideas start moving again. I'll read about a character falling off a wall and suddenly a character I had lost my mojo for will go 'that's a dumb thing to do. Why didn't they just stand against the railing?' and I'll be back in the right mindset to write for them again about the flu I got halfway through writing and got stuck on.

- I write a crapton of fanfic that never gets posted. I literally have well over 100 stories in progress. Most are Marvel, BTS or The Walking Dead, but there are others, and I have more ideas in my head. I have posted some on another account on here (and hey, you may even know me from there, but shhhhh), but most of it is just idle writing that I write for the sake of it, with no real intention to ever post. I don't do it for an audience, but for something to do and to work out my past (and present) issues, so it's common for a story to have elements of abuse or the like which I don't often like to subject people to, so don't bother posting. Not to mention, they never get finished. I have a bit of an unintentional policy that I don't finish stories, because you never know when you'll have another idea for them. That's also why I have some stories with up to 5 different versions. I'll write one scene, but there'll be 5 different ways it could go, so I just write all 5 and go from there.

That's all I can think of for now, but this'll be added to as I think of more, so I'll post if I update this, so people know (if anyone's following). Bye for now, lovelies!

[whereyoursoulresides]

DiC Dub. vs Sub, Episode 21/25 - “Jupiter Comes Thundering In”/”Jupiter, the Brawny Girl in Love” Pt 2

After so long, here is part two!!

Because of the massive break in between the two, I’ve had to switch gears a little with my explanations, but hopefully they’ll still appear coherent! Without further ado, the remainder of this episode of Dub vs. Sub!

Previously, I covered the manners in which the episode begins to establish the foundation for both diverging character arcs. Propped with knowledge from both Beryl and Kunzite, Zoisite takes his charge with perfect grace and professionalism. Meanwhile, DiC's Zoycite is introduced as being far keener, promisingly relentless, and a more dangerous adversary. If Zoisite was concealing his fangs, as it were...then we were introduced to Zoycite flashing hers.

If it sounds like I'm bashing a dead horse with this difference a lot,  perhaps it's also because the DiC dub seems to do so with as much vigor. Certainly, I can't assume writers' intentions when they re-wrote the character for DiC. However, DiC seemed to find as many opportunities as they can to showcase Zoycite's contrary presentation of Zoisite's original character as often as they can, even when they didn't necessarily have to...

This bit of exposition was given right at the very beginning of the DiC version when no such introduction was made in the original. Possibly, DiC made this change to ramp up the story's dramaticism. However, DiC's reputation for obvious exposition leads me to believe otherwise, especially when it starts cropping up in later episodes more frequently, and for no other reason. 

(For example, yes, I understand that the following screenshots are referring to Lita / Makoto. However, if you look at Zoycite’s arc as a whole, it is also an excellent setup to the infamous “Disguise” episode...and I feel it is also a great representation of why DiC so desperately wanted to sow these character changes into Zoycite. For if they hadn’t, and Zoycite remained exactly as Zoisite in all manners except gender... how different would “she” be, a beautiful female soldier fighting for love, than another titular character we know?)

Anyways, I digress, and will return to the above bracketed point once we reach that particular episode. In the meantime, please enjoy the following comparisons remaining from the episode below...

1. Zoycite’s keenness, and further proof that DiC can’t stand empty sound space, even if it’s to imply a character’s softly - and ominous - coming).

2. I wish there was a way I could put audio clips in these tumblr posts, because I do love how both these characters are still portrayed with a sense of play...Zoycite’s acrid, saccharine poison, and Zoisite’s breathy, cotton-candy kiss of death.

3. If I could put in audio clips, this is where we would hear Zoycite’s syrup literally curdle - her voice rips into an edge of monstrous roughness, similar to other other monster-of-the-day characters that were also portrayed by the same actress. Meanwhile, Zoisite’s actor speaks with a softness of a snake beginning to gently suffocate you..

4. Goddamnit Zoi, you are so fucking cute, I will never get over how you call out your own name like you’re a fucking pokemon <3.

(Side Note: Zoisite’s use of his own name may seem vain, but I tend to read it less as a form of vanity, and more of a form of cute-speak. It’s yet another way he downplays the perception of his potential: to evoke the sense of adorableness, of femininity, a way to startle the opponent into a sense of lowered security. Honestly, I’m sure this isn’t so much of an actual farce he puts on and is genuinely how he expresses himself, both on the job and at home, but it works! Note that in the future, whenever Zoycite uses the same tactic, she never says it in the same, diminutive cute way. Her spell-cast is always aggressive, shouted in determination and confidence).

(Extra Side-Note: Another +1 for how many times Zoycite will say she is excited to please Queen Beryl. I’m keeping count for an explicit reason. Infer that what you will, and please imagine it with the same kind of “ding” that’s heard in CinemaSins.)

5. I mean, apart from the usual (Zoycite’s kneejerk reaction is to be antagonistic, while Zoisite is actually only politely informing Makoto that she does not have to engage, etc, ...he literally does not coax, mock or challenge. We will see later that Zoisite treats physical bloodshed and confrontation as unnecessary and only as a last resort, while Zoycite is spurred by challenges) - I also love how Zoycite’s dialogue also reflects this difference. I’ve talked at length at how Zoisite is always unfailingly and elegantly polite before, and now look at Zoycite’s speaking mannerisms: uncouth, aggressive, and filled to the brim with attitude when the opportunity arises. ‘SCUSE ME, indeed!

6.Further point regarding Zoycite and Zoisite’s divergent opinions of physical or violent confrontation: one disparages it, considering it barbaric, and that he is above it (often literally). The other laughs in the face of it, and has no qualms dishing it out as a threat...or is more than ready to follow it through.

(Also: buzz off omfg)

In fact, we see their opinions play out beautifully below:

7. After being punched, compare these reactions: one promising brutal threat, and the other fucking gobsmacked it even happened. Also, their differences in priorities.

While that may sound like I’m making a dig at Zoisite, I am legitimately not. I know this scene tends to be one of the ones that famously evoke the idea of Zoisite’s vanity, but I tend to read it another way. Yes, Zoisite’s face is precious to him, and yes, it could also be read as a stereotypical portrayal of a feminine gay character. 

However, this scene is not meant to illicit laughter. Nor it is not meant for us to startle with incredulity of how silly it is that he is upset his face his hurt. In this scene, Zoisite is truly shocked - his words are less an angry tantrum and more a statement of startled fact. He hadn’t anticipated Makoto could get that close to him, could actually touch him, much could actually strike him. And, in a place that is fiercely protective of, not because of his vanity...but because it is a precious commodity in the main force that drives his arc. (Yes, it’s Kunzite.) It’s no surprise that Zoisite’s beauty and “beautiful face” gets mentioned so often at key moments in his character development. His arc starts with a punch in the face, rises with gentle caresses, and - after a similar injury - crashes.

All of these subtleties, however, are swapped entirely in Zoycite’s case. Her face is not a fragile commodity by which she holds dear...in fact, it is of little importance to her. Her immediate concern is vengeance - more so than the injury on her face, it is her ego is bruised, and damn anyone who dares to make that mark.

Anyways, before I digress further, let’s round back up to the remainder of the episode. These last few scenes only continue to consistently show the differences in Zoycite’s and Zoisite’s professional approach. There isn’t as deep to note, with one exception at the very end...

8. If you haven’t already caught on, Zoycite really wants this fucking crystal.

9. Up above, DiC makes as much of an effort to showcase how much joy Zoycite derives from her job. Being a Negaverse warrior is an excellent honour - your true self - and boy, is she enjoying exerting her power over those below her. Zoycite’s ambition is demonstrated not as an ideal professional characteristic, but the potential in her to throw a coup if she wanted to. She is power hungry, and that grows recklessly to dangerous heights as her arc progresses. Notice that Zoisite says none of these things...because it isn’t power he seeks. He approaches his subject with almost professional indifference: he seeks no more than the objective of his task. And don’t worry, “it will only take a moment”.

10. This has always been one of my favourite scenes. I just love how Zoisite politely “nopes” out, while Zoycite - and I fully believe it - has a fucking victory celebration. (Don’t think for a moment Zoycite is just jesting, she probably told Malachite to set out the champagne before she left on the mission!)

And again, note the increased victorious laughter, where there was none before...

And FINALLY, the one ODD thing that happens a LOT throughout DiC’s version of this character arc. Remember how I mentioned in a previous instalment that DiC seemed to like to inject extra dialogue and laughs that could exposit Zoycite as a fundamentally meaner character than Zoisite?

Hey look, it happened again:

Like, this may not seem like much of a deal, but think about it. We had a scene earlier where Zoisite’s words basically remained the same in conversion (the “order” scene). We’ve had many instances where the original dialogue/script did not need to be changed, and yet was tweaked in just certain places. This seems like a wholly unnecessary change, so why do it?

The answer is: in changing Zoisite’s gender, DiC encountered a whole other problem. And that problem was: a female solider character, who’s primary motivation was love, a love that could be read as more complex, established, and equally both inspirational and problematic ...could end up becoming an unintentional role model for DiC’s demographic. Figuratively speaking, the tragedy by which we all love Kunzite and Zoisite’s humanity for carried a message that DiC feared might be misconstrued as another example of a miracle romance - because at that point, superficially, the character would no longer be any different than Sailor Moon. iIf Zoycite also fought for love, then her motivations would blow a hole right in the Power of Love message that DiC’s Sailor Moon stood for. And, if she was as dedicated to Malachite as Zoisite was to Kunzite - questionably so - it would also rip a massive hole in DiC’s message of Girl Power. 

I’ll talk more about this in greater detail as those essential scenes crop up throughout the arc. For the time being, let’s simply observe that for all the animosity Zoycite gets in the DiC version (even by other characters in the same universe), that Zoisite was never perceived in the same way, even by his enemies. And there’s a reason for that.

[feuilly-cakes]

Twilight - review

I'm now revealing myself to be twilight trash, but let's talk about it! In this review you'll find the good, the bad, and the ugly (in list form even!) I know this story like the back of my hand, and this is a reread, so although I've only read this particular book once before, I can't be unbiased here. I am a more critical reader now than I was at 14 though, so hopefully this review counts for something. There will be a warning before the section with the spoilers if you haven't yet given in to the curiosity.

I loved it. I gave it 4*. I also found certain parts offensive. Some parts were very funny, and others just as dramatic as you'd expect from a book published for teens in 2005. The love story was, dare I say it, good. It's an enemies to friends to lovers, with a very quick progression on those last two. Both Bella and Edward acted just like regular teens around each other, and if there wasn't a vampire aspect involved it wouldn't have been criticised too heavily on the relationship front. I pretty much sped through the book, even with life getting in the way and pausing every 5 minutes to stick annotation tabs in. We are given a good amount of information about vampires, the history of the characters, and also the kinds of people these characters are. Aside from the offensive/insensitive parts, the entirety of which I will be listing below as I picked up on them, there are only a few moments of genuine real life creepiness not related to the Port Angeles scene right up until the epilogue, which made me very uncomfortable for reasons I shall be explaining. As a random note, I noticed 9 obvious instances of foreshadowing. She must have known where she was going with this series, or else that was a strange coincidence. The rest of this review will contain spoilers Let's begin with how this differs from the movie, since pretty much everyone has seen the movie. First and foremost, there are the characters - Bella and Edward specifically. Bella in this book is a typical teenager with a strong personality. As a child she had tantrums over going to Forks, saying she 'hadn't made a secret of [her] distaste for Forks.' She has a fierce temper, but she is also kind, frowning upon Jessica Stanley's judgement of Esme for adopting kids because she can't have any biologically. She's not vain but she cares about her looks, fussing over her skin being paler once she got to Forks - 'My skin could be pretty' 'I had no color here.' Sarcasm is her thing, and she despairs that none of her new classmates seem to get her sense of humour. She's friendly though an introvert, smiling and waving at everyone who greets her after a week of school while not knowing all of their names. She loves girls nights, and finds being around other girls 'invigorating'. She's independent and won't let Edward question that: "No, she did not send me here. I sent myself." However, she notices she has a very strong crush on Edward that is almost obsessive and finds it 'pitiful' and 'pathetic'. At least she's self aware. 

Bella is very funny at times, especially when referencing her clumsiness (I won't spoil this because humour should never be spoiled). Bella is very smart and resourceful, but not in the obvious way. Schoolwork is a breeze for her because she's done most of it at her old school, but she's smart in other ways. It's Bella who figures out about Edward's mind reading abilities and questions him about it, and who flirts with Jacob Black to get information about the Cullens and why they aren't allowed on the reservation. It's Bella who tells Edward that men and women should be equal or as close to equal as they can, each saving each other the same amount of times. It's also Bella who feels that Mike Newton understands her, because they both were new in Forks at one point, and both lived in sunny places and probably both experienced the chain link fences and metal detectors that Bella was shocked were not at Forks High School. (Personally that threw me for a loop too, that schools could have metal detectors.) Edward is closer to the movie characterisation, but acts more like a typical teenage boy. He's moody but charming, awkward at times but also mischievous. At one point he cuts Bella off in the school car park and then deliberately stops his car to wait for his siblings, causing a queue behind them and giving Tyler Crowley the opportunity to ask her to the dance. He does all this to anger Bella, and it was absolutely hilarious. He flip flops between cheerful and broody, and finds Bella utterly fascinating. He is constantly relearning boundaries and ways to make Bella and himself feel more comfortable. An interesting aspect of his character that was definitely unintentional and handled poorly was the way he was coded as demi-sexual. He states that he has never wanted anyone before Bella, and his adoptive mother Esme thought there was something missing in him. As this is offensive I'll be bringing it up again later. Back to some positives, he likes to sing under his breath in a very fast speed that looks like his lips are trembling, and finds the heat of Bella's hands very pleasant. I thought this was cute, and I had to tab it for future reference. A not so cute thing is how he can 'dazzle' Bella by being close to her face and breathing on her. She describes this as her mind going blank, after which we see her agree to whatever he says while she is in this state. It's a bit creepy but he doesn't take advantage of it at first after being made aware of it, he only does so towards the end, which we shall get into later. He also hears the minds of others as a background hum that he can then focus in on, which I found interesting. Now, onto actual plot things that differed, we have Bella never buying that book on Quileute legends, instead simply flirting with a 15 year old Jacob to get his information and then combining that with a google search, and coming to her conclusions that way. Next, we have the Volturi being mentioned but not by name, firstly on vampires a-z in the section: 'Stregoni benefici: An Italian vampire, said to be on the side of goodness, and a mortal enemy of all evil vampires.' and then in a scene that wasn't a part of the film at all, wherein Edward and Bella are in Carlisle's office, talking about his history, and they are brought up simply as Carlisle's artistic friends from Italy. They are named but the word Volturi is nowhere in this book. In a similar vein, several backstories are revealed in this book that we didn't really get to see until later in the series. Bella gets some meaningful interactions with Jasper, who actually sits next to her and touches her to calm her down in the hotel. It's also implied somewhere in those chapters that Alice possibly knew about Bella planning to sneak off and let her go anyway. Finally, Bella is awake after the venom gets sucked out. This is important because she tells them that the venom is gone and thanks Edward before passing out. She was awake and aware the whole time, though in incredible pain. Another difference happens but I'll be discussing that with the other creepy things. Next, I would like to discuss a few things we learn about Vampires. Did you know that despite their physical perfection, a hungry vampire looks like they are recovering from a nose job? The bruises are very prominent, and likely not pretty to look at. Did you also know that they a venomous in the true sense of the word? Alice tells Bella that the venom is to incapacitate victims with the pain, and becoming a vampire is just a side effect, not the true function of the venom. The pain is there for a reason, and that reason is to torture victims with the burning sensation so they can't get away. These vampires may sparkle, but they aren't cute. I will never get the image of snake fangs out of my mind in conjunction to twilight vampires. Am I the only one who didn't realise the inherent creepiness of that because there's no mention of it in the films? Alright, now onto the offensive/ creepy stuff. I'll be bullet pointing these with elaboration where needed. -Bella refers to herself as an albino simply because she is pale. This one just didn't sit right with me, for reasons I can't explain. Stick with me here, it gets worse. -A casual comment about suicide: 'I guess he considered me old enough now not to shoot myself by accident, and not depressed enough to shoot myself on purpose.' This one is tricky, because everyone has made jokes like that, but it made me personally uncomfortable and didn't need to be in there considering the tone of the rest of the book. -Upon Edward talking to her again after the car park incident, Bella says this: "Do you have multiple personality disorder?" This needs no elaboration. Buckle up, it gets worse. -Jacob. He tells Bella his people's legends after she flirts with him, all the while telling her he didn't believe them himself. Then he asks her: "So do you believe we're a bunch of superstitious natives or what?" As someone who is not native american, I can't give a personal perspective here, but I don't believe this is something she should have had a native character say. Stephenie Meyer is a white woman and had no place essentially calling the people she culturally appropriated a bunch of superstitious natives. It was jarring to read that line knowing that it's not her culture and she has no right to say that, only someone from the culture has the right to say that. As I said, I'm not native american and I haven't looked deeply into what exactly she stole and changed, but I know she did it, so that can of course be a pretty major offence to many people. -She compares her clumsiness to being 'almost disabled'. Gross. -The watching her while she sleeps thing. Let's talk about it. She guesses he's been spying on her when he knows where the key is after the meadow date, and he says he's been watching her sleep. It's undoubtedly creepy, but Bella isn't concerned about that. Oh no, she's concerned about what he heard while she was sleep talking. She actually seems unbothered by the stalking aspect, which is why I think these actions flew under the radar for so many people. If Bella thinks it's fine then it must be fine, right? This should have been handled differently. -The Aphobia. Edward tells Bella that Esme was 'afraid that there was something missing from [his] essential makeup'. This is really harmful, but it wasn't intentional. I have no doubt that Stephenie Meyer had no clue and perhaps still has no clue that asexuality is a thing and that she accidentally made Edward demisexual, by simple fact of him being interested in no one before Bella. Nonetheless, it needs to be warned for. -There are heavy implications of p*dophilia here, by choice of language. Regarding Bella's class, full of people her age. Edward calls them a 'class full of children' then on the next page calls Bella 'an insignificant little girl' and then a few chapters down he calls jacob a 'child' to which Bella responds that he is not much younger than she is and Edward cheerfully replies that he knows. It's beyond creepy and I wish it wasn't there, because if it had gone the opposite way of Edward making old man jokes it could have been funny and not horrifying to think about. -Lastly though not leastly, the epilogue. All throughout the book Bella has under no circumstances wanted to go to prom. She is tricked into going to prom. Alice sees the future, Edward reads minds, they knew she wouldn't want to go but bamboozled her into going anyway, and when she starts shouting and crying, Edwards tells her "Don't be difficult". This is creepy and horrifying, that they are taking away her agency and treating her like a child when she tries to refuse. Although she goes and has a goodish time, it still wasn't right to force her into that position. Thus concludes this review, and I leave you with the knowledge that if you read this you get to see the part where Charlie Swan tells Bella that Carlisle Cullen is very attractive. Good day.

[braveskyered]

Knights (Part 16)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15

-

(Special Thanks to @nebulous-rain​ for providing one of the illustrations for Part 16! Please check her out if you have time!)

-

As mentioned before, please be aware that there may be some topics from here on out that you as a reader will find uncomfortable. Elaborating what they are in the beginning will be considered spoilers.

Do remember that this story is a work of fiction. Any similarities between characters or events to persons - living or dead - in our real world are purely coincidental.

Only those that have understood and thus agreed to the above have the privilege of continuing to read Knights to the very end with a clear head.

Do you agree?

Yes ←

No

Should you fail to uphold your end of the agreement...

(Chuckles) Well, that’s your own fault, 

Part 16: Yes, Things Just Might Be Strange

- - - - - - -

So many things didn’t make sense.

So many things didn’t make sense.

So many things didn’t make sense.

So. Many. Things. Didn’t. Make. Sense.

So what the hell is going on?

Arthur knew for a fact that life in Tempo would change over the years while he was away. He knew for a fact that removing himself from the town seventeen years would have improved the lives of all those affected by his existence.

He didn’t know what to think when he overheard the conversation Elaine had with Mr. Yukino…

…

“I know I’m asking a lot from you, Mrs. Knights,” Mr. Yukino spoke with a strained voice, “But the real reason I hired you wasn’t just to put a ghost to rest.”

Elaine rose a brow and crossed her arms, unimpressed, “I know, you hired me because you knew that my husband always comes with me during my jobs. It was Arthur you wanted, not me. I won’t be giving your money back if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“No, I paid for what I requested. If it came down to it, you might have to put Lewis to rest by force.”

“And this ‘Lewis’ is the one that abused Arthur,” Elaine spoke rather than asked, “Funny, I was told that they were best friends.”

“…And that is correct.”

“Being his best friend or being his abuser?”

Mr. Yukino closed his eyes and nodded, then gave Elaine a look that she understood very well.

But all it did was make Elaine feel conflicted.

And Arthur hated it.

…

… So why does it feel like he has committed such a grave mistake?

...

He couldn’t bring himself to think about it right now as Elaine drove away from the Yukino residence with him riding with her. Even though the Yukino family wanted him to talk to their daughter, Arthur knew that he has no right to speak to Vivi, let alone see her, no matter what her parents may think. Mr. Yukino wanted Arthur to talk to Grandma Yukino again, but the objective to avoid Vivi took precedence once he learned that she would return to their home in a matter of hours.

And also…

I wasn’t wanted by them anymore. I was hated for being the cause of Lewis’s death, for being the cause of Vivi’s amnesia, for being the cause of everyone’s suffering. They ignored me back then, they ignored me after. I was hurt by them back then, I was hurt by them after. I left their lives quietly like they wanted.

“Arthur?”

…Didn’t I?

“My star, are you okay?”

He tensed briefly when he felt a gentle touch on his shoulder once they returned to the parking lot of Kingsmen Mechanics and looked over to see Elaine giving him a supportive expression.

“Before we get inside, I think we need to talk about this,” she nodded to him, “There are so many things that just don’t add up. What Mr. Yukino discussed with me regarding the ‘job’ he hired me for, and also, regarding the kids…”

Arthur shook his head and looked away. Upon receiving silence as a response, he turned back to Elaine and saw her mulling something over.

“I guess there are still some things you need time to think about for now,” she sighed, “But we do need to talk about this eventually, so I will wait until we return to our hotel room later tonight, when we’re alone, and then we’ll talk. I don’t want you to run away in fear by yourself anymore. You understand this, right?”

Even though Elaine knows the general gist of what happened to the loss of his arm, and that it had something to do with the abuse he went through afterwards, Arthur knew that his wife, his light, has so, so many questions to ask. Knowing that he didn’t have a choice once Elaine decided on matters like this, he nodded slowly.

Elaine smiled gently, then pulled him closer to whisper into his ear, “It will be okay, my star. It will be okay. That I promise to you.”

She kissed him, then left the car with him following and held his hand.

- - - - - - -

“You know, Arthur, I can’t even begin to tell you just how much I missed doing this with you.”

Arthur looked up from the engine of a semi-truck he is currently repairing to glance at his uncle working beside him.

Elaine and Morgan had left the uncle and nephew duo to “catch up on lost time” while they went out on errands and to explore Tempo with the car Lance had lent them. Arthur was reluctant at first, but then Lance assured him that Belle won’t be returning for the remainder of the day. Thus, with a heavy and even more reluctant heart, Arthur allowed Elaine to leave his side, the latter promising to come back if he ever needed her.

It’s okay. Arthur thought to himself as he clutched at the moon pin on his vest. So long as I have this…

“I mean, I’ve been able to keep this place up and running by myself, and business has been great and all as of late, but…” Lance looked down at the engine with a weary look, “It’s just… It wasn’t the same without you, you know?”

Arthur turned away to grab a different wrench that allowed a longer reach. He isn’t sure what to say to his uncle, a man who is essentially his father figure for most of his life. If anything, Arthur knew for a fact that it was selfish for him to leave without saying anything. He just didn’t have a choice, either he remained and die from a painful death by the wraith, announced his desire to leave and die a painful death by the wraith or possibly the kitsune, or leave with no one knowing and possibly die yet another painful death from something else.

…Which never came to pass due to Elaine’s family saving him back then, of course.

Lance seemed to get the hint that Arthur didn’t want to talk, so he kept going, “If you want, I can update you on what went on after you left.”

Arthur didn’t acknowledge Lance’s offer, instead focusing on the engine that needed a desperate repair. Those cylinders aren’t going to realign themselves.

Unfortunately, his uncle seemed to have taken that as an affirmative, “On the day you left, I waited for you to call, because you said you would once you had reached your ‘destination.’”

The wrench almost slipped from his hand as his gripped faltered. He remembered saying that.

“But you never did. I tried to call you, but it went directly into your voicemail. I figured you had just found a motel and went to sleep. So I tried calling you the next day. But again… I could only get to your voicemail.”

He tightened his grip on the wrench and removed one of the nuts.

“After I realized that you weren’t going to respond, I thought something bad had happened to you. I actually called Vivi and asked if she heard from you, and when she told me that you never said anything about going on a solo vacation, I went and called the police to see if they could find you. Tracking you by your cellphone was a no go, and you didn’t take any credit cards with you. They said that they lost your trail by tracking the buses you took once you reached the Tennessee area. It’s… kind of funny now since that’s where you’ve been all this time. You went right under their noses.”

Arthur gritted his teeth and tried not to listen to his uncle’s ramblings. He’s well aware of how much he worried Lance when he left, but he had no choice. He did worry about police finding him here and there, but the Knights family had hidden him so well that, until he had married Elaine and took her name, he had rarely ventured out in public on his own.

After all, no one in Tempo would believe that Arthur would have the nerve to marry someone and start a family, as unintentional as the latter is. He didn’t deserve such happiness, after all.

…

NO ONE WOULD EVER LOVE YOU AFTER WHAT YOU DID.

…

“I wanted to know why you suddenly ran off, so I started my own investigation, and that’s when…” Lance trailed off, looking more upset and angrier at the words he was about to spew out, “That’s when I found all that evidence in your room at your old place with Vivi and Lewis and…” he sighed in frustration, “Damn it, I couldn’t even believe it, to think that they were even physically hurting you ever since you moved in with them--”

CLANK!

Lance’s voice had cut off once Arthur slammed the wrench against the metal table.

Arthur is trembling in fury, biting his tongue to keep him from screaming. What does Lance know? His uncle hadn’t suffered the despair and pain and suffering like he had, and still is just by standing in this town. Vivi had never hurt him, not on purpose, and never physically. If anything, the only way Vivi had hurt him was due to her own ignorance or insensitivity at times. The wraith, on the other hand…

…

THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!

…

“…I’m sorry.”

Arthur glowered at Lance’s apologetic look, then turned away and picked up a screwdriver. Part of the cover needs to be removed.

“I should’ve known you didn’t want to talk about it,” Lance sighed, “There’s just so many questions I have and… I know I said in my letter that I accepted that I wouldn’t get any answers from you, but I can’t help but want to know why. Why all this happened and why everything had fallen apart for all of us. Even Joe and Lokia are desperate to know why once they came to regret their actions.”

Lewis’s parents. They hated Arthur for being the cause of their son’s death. Their hateful and hurtful words, his last conversation with them, were the least he deserved from them.

- - - - - - -

“Why did it have to be our son?!”

He could only apologize.

“It was you that--!”

Something cracked.

“Why couldn’t it have been you?!”

It hurt. He could only apologize again.

- - - - - - -

“They’re not wrong, Lance.”

“No, Arthur. They were wrong. They said so themselves within a week after you left once we had realized what Lewis had done. They’ve been ashamed of themselves ever since. Hell, even their restaurant took a nosedive of sorts once some regulars of ours overheard what happened, and you know how quickly word spreads around here.”

That does explain why the Pepper Paradiso looks so run down when I saw it. Arthur mused.

“I did tell Belle not to say anything to her family about you being here, but I still think you should visit them at least once before you leave. Or see her sisters, at the very least. I think it would cheer up Cayenne if she sees that you’re okay. She’s already… Ah, it’s not my place to say it.”

And it’s not my place to know. Arthur thought cynically.

While it did pain him a little to hear that the Peppers seems to be having some problems, Arthur knew it was for the best that he doesn’t get involved with Belle or her family. He had taken her brother’s life, after all, and ripped her family apart. Why Belle even tries to speak with him like he isn’t her brother’s murderer is beyond him.

It has only been two days since Arthur and his family arrived in Tempo, and he already wants to go back home. He also hopes that his children will return soon. They’ve been out practicing their monster forms for over three hours now.

Gwen. Percy. Vivian. Arthur’s heart ached. Come back soon and be safe. I don’t ever want the three of you to be forced to pay for my sins.

“Back off, you monster!”

-

Setting the tools down, Arthur walked away from the engine, ignoring the concerned response from his uncle. He went outside, then took his cell phone out of his pocket, and dialed Percy’s number. It rang a few times, but soon reached his voicemail. Right, Percy can’t use the phone as a kitsune due to a lack of thumbs. Duh. He then dialed Gwen’s phone number and waited as he heard the ringing.

“H-Hey, Daddy!”

Arthur smiled upon hearing Gwen’s voice, even if she sounded a little out of breath, “Hey. I haven’t heard from you since you left. Everything okay?”

“Oh yeah, everything’s just fine!” Arthur could hear her giggle while trying to catch her breath, “We had a little encounter with a, uh, a couple of really stubborn coyotes. Apparently, they thought Percy was competition for, ah, food. Percy’s got a couple nicks as usual, but he’ll be fine.”

Typical of Percy to get into fights with wild animals. “And Vivian? How is she doing?”

Right on cue, “Daddy! I love you!”

“Need I say more?” Gwen asked.

Arthur gave a low chuckle, “No. So long as the three of you are safe, that’s all that matters to me.”

“…Don’t worry, Daddy, we’re about to finish up over here. We should be back iiiiinnn…” Gwen hummed for a moment, “An hour or so, give or take.”

“Okay, let me know when you're back in town.”

“Of course,” Gwen went silent for a moment, “Hey, Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“No matter what, we’ll always love you. You know that, right?”

Arthur smiled, a warm tender feeling began to flow in his veins, “I do, and I love all three of you and your mother with all my heart.”

“…Thank you. We’ll see you later, Daddy. Bye!”

Arthur hung up and placed the phone back in his pocket, relieved to know that his son and daughters are safe. They haven’t been discovered by the wraith or the Mystery Skulls, and that alone helped put his mind at ease. Of course, he knew better than to get all his hopes up, but at the very least, he wanted his children to not get hurt by anyone here. He doubted things in Tempo will ever be smoothed out between him and the residents here, but at this point, he’s not sure if it’s even possible, or if anyone but Elaine wanted it to.

With the green demon being unaccounted for, there is no one else to blame for the death of Lewis Pepper.

“Where—”

“Bad girl… Bad girl...”

-

Although he never wanted it, Arthur knew that taking the blame for himself is what allowed everyone he knew in Tempo to remain steady. If there’s nothing they could blame, how else would anyone that had been affected by it all move forward?

He stared off into the distance as he tried to make out some of the buildings. The police station for Tempo is small, and the crime rate is relatively low. If anything, Tempo is one of those places where people are more likely to get speeding tickets or some other traffic violation than things like robbery or murder.

Arthur did try to turn himself in to the police once, a week after he learned that he had a hand in Lewis’s death, however indirect it may be, but somehow Vivi caught on and brought him back home before he could reach the street leading to it. The wraith wasn’t too happy when Arthur tried to bring himself to justice, as some of the old burn scars on his arm and back can attest to.

Those who have been murdered or those closely acquainted to the victim would almost never want the killer to be brought to justice by the police. It would take too long because of due process or some other bull as some would put it. A phrase Arthur once heard while overhearing customers talk at the Pepper Paradiso…

- - - - - - -

Once you violate the rights of one person, you forfeit your own in the same regard.

- - - - - - -

… or something along those lines can make one think that they deserve “justice” as soon as they desire for it. They want their own version of justice, so they can get closure and quickly move on, whether they were wrong in their judgment or not.

Sometimes, Arthur felt it would’ve been easier for everyone else had he been the one that died back when everything went wrong or when the wraith had thrown him down in that cave. But no, he had to survive both incidents with scars that will never truly heal and suffer punishments and emotional pain for over half a year until that question was asked by Vivi with the wraith smiling beside her, until he couldn’t take it anymore and ran away as a result. He pulled out his phone again and opened the app that shows the photo gallery. He went through several folders and soon opened the first one.

The first photo has him and Elaine shoulder-to-shoulder with one another with the tall mountains of Cantabile as the backdrop. Arthur remembered this one, being the selfie Elaine took as a memento of their first official date, before he learned what her family is capable of. He browsed through the photos, watching things transition from how tired, pale, and thin he was to photos that has him with more color in his face and back to a healthy weight. He could see some of the scars on his neck despite wearing either summer scarves or turtlenecks in an attempt to hide them, but as he browsed over the photos, they were gradually fading over time to where they're barely noticeable unless one looked closely.

Photos in another folder showed the path at how he and Elaine were casually dating before they made their relationship official. More photos showed the record where they are becoming engaged to one another, then having a simple wedding ceremony and enjoying the cake. Yet another folder has him seeing the chronicles of their marriage while Elaine’s belly swelled with life before it reached to a photo of the two each holding a newborn baby in their arms the morning they were born at the hospital, Elaine still in her hospital bed, with Arthur sitting in a chair by her side.

The remaining folders has photos full of the twins growing up from mere infancy to their current ages, their accomplishments and stages of growth with Elaine holding the measuring tape to record their height, to photos of Elaine being pregnant again and another holding a newborn Vivian in her arms at the hospital bed with Arthur lovingly staring down at them. One has the few rare pictures of Vivian herself having short hair until she gained her long hair trait on the fourth day of life. The last few photos were of his children celebrating their recent birthday, trick-or-treating for Halloween just a few weeks ago, and then finally…

The last photo…

“Arthur?”

Arthur tilted his phone towards his chest to prevent Lance from looking. Not that he has a reason to hide them, but he didn’t want to talk about the stories behind each photo, and each treasured memory.

These memories are his and his alone, and he will not let anyone, not even his uncle or the wraith, taint them.

“I failed you as your uncle, didn’t I?”

What.

He gave Lance an incredulous look.

Upon seeing his nephew’s reaction, Lance sighed, “The fact that you’re not willing to talk to me kinda gives it away. I know you’re angry with me.”

…Angry?

“Even though I’m your uncle, I couldn’t do anything to protect you,” Lance then gripped at his face, the anguish not leaving his expression, “I should’ve known that you, my one and only nephew, were hurting. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve blamed myself for not stopping you that day. I could’ve gotten you help like I should’ve done years ago even before that incident.”

“You know I would’ve refused it again, Lance,” Arthur rose a brow, “And you know the reason for that is because the therapists we could afford around here weren't fit for me. They were of no help.”

“Even so, I should’ve done something. When you left, it was only me. I’d wake up and when I go to work, I’d look at the clock wondering when you would show up for work or just to visit, but then I would remember that you were gone. We all lost something ever since that incident, Arthur.”

“Understatement of the decade,” Arthur averted his eyes briefly before facing his uncle again, “The Peppers lost their son and brother, Vivi lost her boyfriend and a chunk of her memory, and the Yukino family themselves are at a loss on how to handle said memory loss. All because of me, I’m well aware of that.”

“And I lost my nephew,” Lance gave Arthur a sad glare, “All because of them hurting you enough to drive you away in exile and my own incompetence.”

“I left of my own accord,” Arthur narrowed his eyes as he checked the time on his phone before putting it back in his pocket, “No one drove me away or exiled me.”

“What? But… Joe said that they talked to you about a week before you left and--"

“If it was just that, I would’ve forced myself to just grin and bear it,” Arthur rolled his eyes, “The worst thing that could've happened is them banning me from their family and restaurant, which I was already sure would’ve happened anyway,” he turned to go back into the garage and resume work on the engine, “There’s nothing for them to be ‘ashamed’ about when everything they said is true. It didn’t matter that I never wanted any of this to happen. I caused their son’s death, so they had every right to say everything they had told me."

"Wait, so they didn't--? No, wait! Even so, it wasn't fair for them to do that to you!"

"Enough, already!" Arthur snapped, "The point is, is that I have no business, let alone any right, to see them! It's because of me that Lewis died, and therefore, ripping their family apart was my fault! They said so, and the wraith said so. So it's a fact, whether it's true or not."

Lance blinked, looking worried and dumbstruck at the same time.

"Arthur… Did… Did you just--?"

"We're not going to talk about this anymore," Arthur struggled to keep his anger in check, "You yourself said that you won't involve them if I wished, and I don't want anything to do with them anymore. It's for the best."

"But-"

"The end!" Arthur cut him off with a glare.

Thankfully, Lance finally got the hint, and didn't say anything else about the subject. Arthur felt bad about having to snap at his uncle, but it was the only way for it to stop. The last thing he wants is to get beaten by the wraith for something his uncle insisted on doing. Things were quiet for a while, and full of tension, but Arthur did his best to ignore it. Checking the time again, he saw that an hour had passed, but he has yet to receive any word from the children.

Immediately, Arthur grew worried. Moving away from the work desk, he dialed Gwen's number.

"Hi, this is Gwen Knights. I can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave me a message after the beep, I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Thank you!"

Arthur hung up the phone, his brow raised. Gwen has always been good with keeping in touch. He waited a few minutes, then tried again. When he reached Gwen’s voicemail once more, he started to get worried. He sent a text message to Elaine to ask her to check on the children or see if Niniane could keep tabs on them. His phone soon vibrated, and saw that Elaine is calling him, and he quickly answered.

“Elaine, I—"

"Don't worry, Aunt Morgan’s driving and we're already on our way there. Percy called us asking to pick them up, saying that he's too tired to return with the others as a fox. I'll let you know when I meet up with them."

Well, that's a relief.

"As for Nana Niniane, she said that she's still investigating on who destroyed that grave marker we saw earlier. She also said something about looking into a bookstore with a strange name. It was… Time Two or something?"

A bookstore with a strange name? He pondered over Elaine's words for a moment before it clicked, and a chill went into his spine, "T-The only bookstore with an odd name I know of is the Tome Tomb. They sell used comics and books unless that changed."

"Do you know anyone there?"

"Unless they sold it, I think it's still owned by someone named Duet, but I never saw them that much. Someone I used to know worked there for them as an assistant manager, but I don't know if she's still there."

"Are either of them someone we can trust?"

Arthur looked down and bit his lip. He has nothing against Vivi, but the wraith hated it whenever he so much as looked at her. Duet…. Arthur’s not really sure what to think of that person from the few times he had met them, someone so obscure that not even Vivi could figure who exactly that person is.

“I don’t know, but I don’t want anyone knowing that I’m back here again,” Arthur started to tremble, “I… I can’t do this, Elaine. I can’t… This is all so--!”

“Arthur, listen to me. I can see the kids from here, so…” Elaine trailed off.

“Elaine?”

“…We’ll be back in thirty to forty-five minutes,” she responded quickly, “Just hang in there and everything will be okay. Nana Niniane will always be nearby, and she will protect you in the few times I can’t. You’re strong, Arthur. You can do this. I love you, my star. I love you so much."

“I-I love you, too.”

Elaine… Thank you.

When Arthur ended the call, he gently grasped the moon pin on his vest with his free hand. The pin’s smooth surface became a comfort for him as he rubbed his thumb against it. He could feel the message engraved on the back of the pin, and the four little gems embedded alongside the words. Every material that was used by Elaine to make this pin with her own two hands were all carefully chosen to represent not only her love, but to also protect him from afar. Even now, after seventeen years, the little moon made with a surface of amethyst has kept Arthur safe.

“You really love your wife, don’t you?”

Arthur narrowed his eyes in annoyance at his uncle briefly before relaxing, “I do. I love her and my family more than anything.”

“…Could you tell me more about them? What they’re like?”

Tell someone from Tempo about his family?

Arthur had hidden himself and his family away from his past in Tempo for so long that he didn’t know if he should. But this is his uncle that’s asking about them, not the Mystery Skulls, or the wraith, or anyone that hated him after everything went wrong and fell apart. This is his uncle; the only person Arthur could even remotely trust enough to send letters to. His uncle, the only one he knew for a fact would love the children for who they are. His uncle, who cares more about his family than anything else.

His uncle, who lost his nephew and only close family for seventeen years. His uncle, who just reunited with him, to find that his nephew is married with children, and missed the events that have been ingrained in the nephew’s mind for seventeen years.

Elaine and the children are not his only family, Arthur remembers. Lance is his family, too.

Why does he keep forgetting that? Why is forcing himself to do this? Has he been away for so long that he can’t even associate himself with anyone from Tempo at this point?

Lance is family. That’s all Arthur needs for a reason.

“I don’t even know where to begin,” Arthur chuckled in a low and a slow tone, “There’s just so many things I could tell you, but…”

“Then, your wife, Elaine,” Lance suggested, smiling a little as he held up a hand while talking, “How did you meet her?”

Arthur smiled at the memory.

“Do you remember Galahad?”

-

“So it was you.”

-

- ----- --- --

When Elaine and Morgan returned with the children, the very first thing Arthur did is check the wounds on his son’s face.

“Dad, I’m fine!” Percy protested as Arthur carefully traced a small bandage on the boy’s left cheek, “It’s just a scratch! Grandaunt took care of it and it’ll heal in a few days! Really, I’m fine!”

Arthur only gave a small hum of acknowledgement as he took Percy into his hold.

Percy is safe. No one hurt him. Not the wraith. Not the Mystery Skulls. Not the fox. Not the Peppers. Not the Yukino family. No one had hurt him.

He extended an arm to look over his older daughter’s condition. It doesn’t look like she got hurt too badly, if at all.

“I’m okay, Daddy,” Gwen smiled at him as she held his hand, “Really, we all are.”

He embraced her, happy that she is safe. That no one had hurt her. That the wraith or the Mystery Skulls hadn’t discovered her. That she is alive and well.

That the twins are safe.

“Daddy?”

Arthur could only smile as he extended the same hand from Gwen’s hold to Vivian, who quickly grabbed it and floated up to his hide, her hair wrapping itself around his shoulders. Normally, he would gently scold Vivian for using her power around those not aware of her power, but Arthur made an exception this time. He’ll let Elaine explain everything to his uncle.

“Wait, her hair just—!”

“Don’t worry, Mr. Kingsmen,” Arthur could hear Elaine laugh gently, “She’s done this plenty of times. When it comes to her, it’s best to just go with it.”

Later that evening, both Arthur and Elaine were in Lance’s kitchen, which looked a lot cleaner than what Arthur remembered years ago but decided not to comment on it. After what happened earlier during lunch, Elaine decided not to take any chances from getting food from any of the restaurants, whether it was from the Pepper Paradiso or any other place, out of consideration for Arthur.

“You don’t have to do all this for me,” Arthur started to protest as Elaine set the pot on the stove, “I could--“

“Arthur, I don’t want you to feel left out of anything our family does,” Elaine smiled as she set the flame to medium before turning to him, “Besides, this will be cheaper and healthier for us to do in the long run, and the kids love the pasta we make. Heaven knows your uncle could use a good home-cooked meal from his own nephew and niece-in-law.”

He smiled back at her, unable to deny his light’s words. His uncle never did have the best eating habits even before he left. His mood shifted downward a bit when he realized that Belle might have helped take care of his uncle while he was gone, but in the end decided to discard the thought, it wouldn’t do if he lets himself feel sad over the past that cannot be changed.

Lance had taken the twins to look over cars and engines with while Morgan went with them to keep the children under her supervision. Before that, Elaine had put Vivian to bed for a nap in the bedroom that is still Arthur’s.

Arthur furrowed his brow a little at the earlier conversation regarding his… “former” bedroom.

…

“You… you left it just the way it was?”

Arthur silently looked at what used to be his old bedroom.

…No, it’s still his old bedroom. The room is clean of dust, the bed is made, and the desk is cleared of items except for a few books about robotics. He recognized that the posters that were on the walls that depicted either an old cartoon about a man controlling a giant robot or events that took place at either a concert or a small convention out of town. And he saw that all of them are now framed.

Some clear sheets covered the bed and other furniture to protect them from dust, making the room look like it hasn’t aged a day. Even Galahad’s old cage with all the various tubes Arthur had gradually added to it for the long late hamster remained, even though it’s clean of bedding.

This meant that Lance never used this place as a storage room… for all these years.

“When I said that you will always have a place here, Arthur, I mean it,” Lance said roughly as he crossed his arms, “I even went through the trouble to keep everything clean for you. I had to put the individual parts of your projects away in boxes to make it easier to clean, but I left them next to the desk if you ever want to… resume on them, I guess.”

Arthur didn’t say anything until he felt a tug on his pant leg and looked down to see Vivian looking up blearily at him. He then heard footsteps and looked up to see Elaine kneeling down at their youngest child.

“Oh, Vivian,” Elaine gently lifted the little girl off her feet, “It’s almost time for your nap, isn’t it?” She looked into Arthur’s bedroom and saw the empty bed before glancing at him, “Do you think it would be okay if we let her sleep in there?”

Lance glanced over at his nephew, but Arthur is already smiling a little as he softly moved a lock of hair away from Vivian’s face.

- - - - - - -

“And also,” Elaine gently cupped Arthur’s cheek, “I don’t ever want you to have the feeling of not being allowed to eat or feel anything like that painful hunger ever again. You are my husband and my star.”

She gently pulled him closer until their lips almost touched.

“And I want us to eat together like we always do.”

She kissed him, then released him from her gentle hold to continue cooking. Arthur could only smile at her. Elaine always knew how to make him feel loved, and that everything will be okay. She always kept her promises as best as she could, and in the few times she couldn’t, they always sort it out as best as they can. Arthur in turn always made sure to keep his promise to her.

The first is to know that he will always be loved by someone, especially by Elaine and their children. The second is that no matter what comes their way, they are to take it head on together.

With the happy thought in his mind, Arthur went to Elaine’s and worked beside her.

“I’m happy that your uncle has accepted us,” Elaine smiled as she broke the dried spaghetti pasta into smaller pieces before dropping them into the pot of boiling water, “We weren’t so lucky with Dad’s relatives. His family refused to acknowledge us ever since they learned what Mom, and the rest of the women in our family, are capable of.”

“The funny thing is… is that Lance always tries to stay out of the paranormal side of things since he never wanted anything to do with it,” Arthur shrugged as he passed her the salt, “He never actually understood my interest in robotics, either. But he always tried to understand me, so I guess that counts.”

Elaine placed a hand against Arthur’s shoulder as she stirred with a long wooden spoon, keeping an eye on the pot, “Even though he knows about what the kids are capable of, I’m glad he’s wanting to spend time with them.”

“I think that so long as they don’t use their powers around him, or rather, here in town too often, it should be fine,” Arthur placed a hand over Elaine’s. He opened his mouth to say something else, but then thought better of it.

Elaine gave him that look, “Out with it, my star.”

He really didn’t want to say it, especially since it involved the children’s safety. Upon realizing that, he mentally smacked himself and took a deep breath to steady himself, “Do you remember what the Yukino family told us?”

Elaine had a brief expression of alarm before shifting back into a look of understanding and nodded.

“I don’t think we should let them explore Tempo on their own after this. I didn’t realize how much of a close call it was, but if the Mystery Skulls had come across them while they were playing…”

He looked away and felt Elaine’s grip on his shoulder tightened briefly.

“Don’t worry, my star, we made sure that nothing will happen to our children,” Arthur could hear the smile in Elaine’s confident voice, “Otherwise they’ll just have to deal with more than just a protective parent,” Elaine then released Arthur’s shoulder, “Now let’s say we finish making this, all right? No more chitchat about the past or the job I was hired for. Right now, we’re going to have a lovely dinner with family members, and everyone will like it.”

Arthur simply shook his head at her in amusement. Her being so confident is always what kept him going.

- - - - - - -

“Wow, you’ve really improved on cooking, Arthur.”

Arthur gave his uncle a nod of thanks with hardly a glance as he kept his focus on Vivian, who is still gradually learning how to eat without getting too messy from her booster seat. The pasta, which is simple rotini with tomato sauce mixed with ground chuck and asiago cheese, is a family favorite, especially since it is one of the few dishes that Vivian will eat without complaint.

There’s still the trouble at trying to get Vivian to eat her vegetables, but Arthur has his tricks, such as sprinkling carrot shavings into the sauce beforehand among other things. Granted, Vivian usually eats whatever he or Elaine give her, but like every other human being that exists in the world, she has her likes and dislikes. Instead of just forcing her to eat the foods she didn’t like, Arthur and Elaine would try a variety of things, such as cooking it differently or trying different seasonings, or finding alternatives if nothing else.

On the other side of the table, Gwen and Percy were eating at their own pace, occasionally asking Lance or Morgan questions about the last car that needed work outside. Elaine, meanwhile, also kept her eye on Vivian to make sure that things don’t go out of hand.

As he watched Vivian eat, Arthur always made sure to mentally thank Caelia for teaching him the trick of hiding vegetables in one’s favorite food, and how to cook better in general.

“You can actually be amazed at what you can hide in brownies,” Caelia once told him, “Broccoli, black beans, and some other… herbal… stuff…” She trailed off briefly before shaking her hand, “But you get the gist.”

“I am, but it’s too bad that Vivian doesn’t like brownies that much. I’m not sure if it’s too sweet or if it’s the texture she doesn’t like. Any other ways I could hide things?”

“Well, there’s plenty of things. First off, you can…”

As Arthur recalled the memory, he also remembered the time when he first started living in Cantabile in that small apartment that Vivienne somehow had at the time.

Even back then, Arthur knew how to cook simple meals, such as scrambled eggs, grilled-cheese sandwiches, or rice, but he often relied on instant cup noodles or the occasional fast food as sustenance. Sometimes, he went on without food for a day or two at a time, but just before he and Elaine had started dating, Caelia somehow caught wind of Arthur’s eating habits once she had noticed that Arthur almost never brought anything as lunch while working for Four of a Kind Queens. Needless to say, Arthur resisted the urge to laugh when he recalled Caelia and Vivienne making sure he had a balanced diet, with Elaine taking over later on.

It was a weird feeling back then, Arthur admitted, having someone care about him again after being thrown away.

He snapped out of his thoughts again when he noticed that Vivian managed to get a little sauce on the left side of her face, enough to where even some of her hair came into contact with it, so he quickly made the move to wipe off as much as he could.

“Hm?”

As Arthur brushed his fingers against a section of his youngest daughter’s hair, he went still briefly. He isn’t sure how Elaine didn’t notice it when she groomed Vivian’s hair earlier, but it looks like…

The section also felt unnaturally cooler in temperature compared to the rest of Vivian’s long hair. He’ll have to ask Elaine or Gwen and Percy on what happened later. Vivian didn’t seem too bothered by it, judging from the way she looked up at Arthur. Or maybe it’s possible that she doesn’t understand about the unnaturalness of her hair being cut and not immediately growing back afterward.

Hopefully, the hair will grow back given time.

Later on, as everyone was finishing up on dinner, they heard a knock on the door.

“Were you expecting a guest, Mr. Kingsmen?” Morgan look up from washing the dishes and rose a brow.

“No,” Lance shook his head softly, “I’ll answer it, though. Just wait here.”

Arthur, as he held Vivian in his arms, immediately took that as his cue to walk away to his former bedroom with Elaine following, and gestured Gwen and Percy to follow him, which they did with no argument.

No matter who is outside, he didn’t want to risk them being seen, especially Percy. Granted, his son is only up to his chin in height, but since Percy heavily resembles him, it wouldn’t be too far off the mark in that someone would mistake Percy for him. Arthur did not want his son and daughters to suffer for something they didn’t do, so he did what he could by hiding them from anyone that knew him here in Tempo.

What used to be Arthur’s bed already had the sheets disturbed when he and Elaine had put Vivian in here for her mid-afternoon nap, so he had no problem sitting on the bed, so long as he ignored the nostalgic feeling.

“Hey, Daddy?”

He shifted eyes to his left when Gwen sat beside him, and gently held Vivian’s outstretched hand.

“Will no one here but our granduncle will accept us for what we are?”

Arthur blinked, and turned his head to properly look at her. When he briefly glanced at Percy, he saw that both his son and daughter have the same troubled expression. Thankfully, Vivian didn’t seem to fully understand Gwen’s question, but…

“Honestly, Gwen, I don’t know,” he could answer as truthfully as he could, “After… everything went wrong, I was rejected by everyone I knew, I just knew I couldn’t stay.”

“Even by our granduncle?”

A pang of guilt tugged at his chest, but Arthur knew the answer to that.

“…No, he still accepted me.”

Thankfully, no other questions were asked. Percy looked like he wanted to say something but shook his head when asked about it by Elaine. So he sat down on the bed to be at his father’s right. Elaine stood nearby at the doorway, keeping an eye on what’s going on outside. If the guest is someone undesirable, Elaine can just close the door, and no one would be any wiser.

The sound of some muffled voices could be heard, but Arthur had no idea who the guest could be. He doubted it would be Vivi, since she’s the type of person that would just barge in past Lance without any regard if she knew he was here. Or at least, that’s how he remembered.

Elaine suddenly straightened her stance upon what Arthur thinks is either Lance or Morgan gesturing to her and walked out of the room. Arthur held Vivian a bit closer to himself while Gwen and Percy looked a little tense. What could they want?

Not a few minutes later did anyone get an answer.

“Arthur?”

He looked up to see Elaine peek into the door.

“It’s Belle,” she gestured with her head, “She wants to talk to you for a bit. It’s fine if you say no, but…”

He looked down at his feet while mindful of Vivian in his hold. He knew he isn’t supposed to talk to the Peppers. He doesn’t have the right to.

“I know how you feel about her family, but do you think you could set aside your feelings on it just this once?” Elaine asked him, “While I don’t know the exact circumstances, I really think Belle needs this, that you need this. I’ll watch over the kids if you want me to, so she doesn’t have to see them.”

“Does Miss Belle hate us or something?” Percy asked, concerned.

“No, baby, far from it. But we don’t want to risk you or your sisters getting caught in a confrontation should one occur,” Elaine held Gwen and Percy’s shoulders, “And also, this is something between your father and Belle. It’s best that we don’t get involved right now.”

In all honesty, Arthur didn’t want to talk to anyone in Tempo other than his uncle, but if Elaine’s the one to ask him to do so…

“I almost forgot to mention this, Arthur,” Elaine said as she took Vivian from Arthur, “Belle wanted me to tell you that no matter what anyone says, if anyone complains, they’re to take it to her. I guess both her and Mr. Yukino want to make up for…” she trailed off, “Whatever it was that happened.”

Arthur furrowed his brow as a feeling of anger and sadness welled up in his chest.

You are not to go near them.

Ignoring the voice of the wraith that plagues his mind, Arthur made sure to swallow the uncomfortable lump in his throat before standing up.

“Fine, but if things get bad, we’re going home,” he tried his best not to growl so as not to scare Vivian. Upon seeing Elaine nod at his answer, he walked out of the bedroom that he had abandoned many years ago.

You have no right.

He is well aware, but he cannot ignore their demands.

Upon reaching the front door, Arthur saw Morgan and Lance both noticing him and looking a little worried.

You just don’t know your boundaries, do you?

No, no, please! No! Don’t burn me again! Not in front of them!

Lance’s guest, Belle, also took notice and looked pained, “Arthur, I…”

Do I need to remind you of your place… again?

No! No! I already know! I don’t need a reminder!

He didn’t say anything. He just stared at Belle with a glare, hoping that she would leave. Let her think that Arthur is as unsympathetic as the wraith portrayed him to be. Seeing Belle wince made him realize that she wouldn’t be fooled by it.

Belle sniffed and wiped a tear from her eye, “W-Will you come with me to see Cayenne?”

You are never to approach my family again.

I won’t! I promise I won’t go near them! Just let me go, please! It hurts!

Without drifting too much of his attention away from Belle, Arthur suddenly recalled something back at the Yukino residence, when Vivi’s grandmother made an outburst, didn’t she mention something about Cayenne? Regardless of whether she did or not…

“Why should I?” Arthur rose a brow, “You and your sisters didn’t want me near you, remember? Your parents made sure that was made clear to me. It’s pretty much been a rule ever since.”

For all I know, you could be biding your time to kill them, too.

No, I would never do that!

You think I believe you?

At that moment, Arthur knew that he couldn’t convince anyone of anything anymore.

Belle looked as if she’s been struck but didn’t deny Arthur’s words, “I know. I know we don’t deserve your forgiveness. Especially after what we did to you on Paprika’s birthday--!" Her breath hitched, “I’m so sorry, Arthur! I’m so sorry!”

As much as it pained Arthur to see Belle break down, he started to turn away.

“Arthur, please, I need you to see my sister!”

Upon feeling a hand grab his right arm--

What did I tell you?

“LET GO OF ME!” Arthur forced himself from Belle’s grasp and took a few steps back. He tried his best not to tremble, but his slow and heavy breaths were betraying him as some kind of burning feeling started in his throat. He glanced over at his uncle, who looked regretful, then back to Belle, before realizing the truth.

His uncle was in on this.

Even now, everyone in Tempo would look down on him. Arthur knew that, and accepted it, but to think that even Lance felt it was necessary to break the rules that he has been forced to follow due to them being drilled into his very bones by the wraith and later the Pepper family…

Never did he feel so betrayed.

Arthur gritted his teeth and tried to keep his breath steady to prevent himself from snarling. He knew that he is feeling frustrated, if the feeling burning up in his throat is any indication. Another feeling started to surface, once Arthur knew very well, and didn’t want it to happen.

No. No! I won’t!

He walked away from Lance and Belle.

“Arthur, please, we really need you to help Cayenne! She’s already--”

Arthur smacked away Lance’s hand, glaring at him as tears started to form, much to his irritation as he saw Lance regretting the decision even more.

He isn’t in the mood to listen to whatever pleas – excuses – they have.

“If it hadn’t been for Elaine,” he spoke quietly, his voice thick with emotion, “I wouldn’t have ever come back here.”

He quickly ran out from the house before anyone could grab him again. As soon as he was outside, he rushed to the camper and locked himself inside. Upon feeling the rush of safety drift over him, he collapsed on one of the beds to face the ceiling and began to weep. It wouldn’t do if his children saw him break down, and he would never cry in front of Vivian.

W-Why? He didn’t even try to stop his tears from falling. Why did I come back? Why did I let her convince me? Why are they trying to make me break the rules? Why did I even speak…!

What was he thinking, having a vague feeling of hope that this would be a meaningful reunion with his uncle, his only family in Tempo, the only one who still accepted him despite what happened that had resulted in so much loss because of his existence? He knew he shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up. Even though he had sent Lance those untraceable letters as away to let him know that he’s still alive and safe, he realized with a heavy heart that it wouldn’t stop any opinions his uncle would have of him.

In Tempo, Arthur is truly, truly alone.

His place here was long gone.

With a heavy heart, his tears yet to cease, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and sent a text to Elaine.

- I want to go home.

Not even a minute passes when he received Elaine’s reply.

- I know.

He held his phone close to his chest as he curled up on the bed. His tears never stopped falling, and he didn’t make any attempt to stop.

He didn’t know long it was since he came into the camper, but the timestamp on the next text message he received from Elaine showed that it was at least thirty minutes later.

- Unfortunately, we won’t be able to leave until this Wednesday before Thanksgiving, as per the requirements of the job Yukino gave us.

- Know that I love you, my star.

- And I’m sorry.

Arthur tightened his grip on the phone as he looked at the date. It’s only Sunday evening, and his family had arrived here just the night before.

- Aunt Morgan and I will handle the situation in here. Just stay in there and cry it all out.

- Know that you didn’t do anything wrong and say that to yourself three times.

- Can you do that?

He sat up and read Elaine’s text again. Wiping the tears from his eyes and sniffling, he started to read it out loud, but then found that he couldn’t. He tried to speak again, but the words were caught in his throat. His breath hitched, and he held a hand over his face as new tears fell.

“Damn it…”.

He thought he could finally move on and be free from the danger. To allow his children to grow up happy and healthy without such a poisonous past to bog them down. If he hadn’t let Percy wear the Mystery Skulls pin, if his son hadn’t resembled him, then Arthur would’ve remained hidden from Tempo, living happily in Cantabile with Elaine.

If only Percy hadn’t been bor-- No! No. Arthur slammed a fist against the wall as his thought rapidly swirled in his head. I—I can’t! I can’t blame him for this! This isn’t his fault! It never was! I saw how guilty Percy looked when he learned that it was because of his existence that Mr. Yukino was able to track me down! I can’t have him blame himself like I’ve been blaming myself this whole damn time!

In the end, Arthur knew that he only has himself to blame for everything.

I’ll need to find a way to make Percy understand later tonight. He looked at his phone to see the photos of his children. We’ve only been here for one day and everything’s already falling apart for me... He closed his eyes. I can’t let things fall apart for the kids, too.

His phone vibrated.

He checked the text message sent to him and hummed to himself as if answering to it. Wiping the tears from his eyes, Arthur stood up and unlocked the camper to let Elaine in. Holding his hand out to her, he gently pulled his beloved into the camper.

“Hey,” Elaine brought him close and kissed him, her eyes full of love and understanding, “I missed you, my star.”

“It hasn’t been that long,” Arthur could barely chuckle before the feeling of sadness returned, “I’m sorry for what happened earlier, I… I don’t know what came over me.”

“It’s trauma, my knight,” Elaine said as she guided him back to the bed. She paused upon seeing the tear-stained pillow but made no comment about it, “Aunt Morgan’s giving your uncle and his assistant the scolding of a lifetime. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen her that angry.”

“What about the kids?” He never meant to leave them.

“They’re outside the camper waiting for you to calm down. They know that you don’t want them to see you in your current state. That, and I didn’t want them to witness Aunt Morgan’s wrath,” Elaine went quiet for a moment, then turned to Arthur with a serious expression and held his hand like they usually do in their late nights of being awake, “Are you okay? Did you have flashbacks of when you were hurt?”

“…Yes,” Arthur knew that there is no point in hiding it as he brushed his free hand against the front of his neck, which still shows faint signs of a large burn scar shaped like a handprint, “I thought I was going to be burned again. Whenever I went near them, or I spoke to them, or even if they’re the ones who insisted on having contact with me, I’d get burned. It hurts so badly. I… I couldn’t stay in there. If I did, then Vivian might have… you know.”

“It’ll be okay, my star,” Elaine pulled Arthur closer to herself and gently ran her fingers through his hair, “You did okay, and Vivian is fine. So long as Gwen and Percy are with her, she won’t lose control.”

Arthur could only feel somewhat relieved. Vivian would be destructive with her power should she get upset, even with the charms, and seeing Arthur break down are one of the few things capable of doing just that.

“I want to go home,” he trembled as he spoke, “I know we can’t leave yet, but I can’t be here, Elaine. I can’t do it.”

“I know, my star,” Elaine whispered soothingly into his ear, “It’s true, you can’t do this alone. So I will be there for you all the way. You were hurt by them, and that trauma is not something you can forget so easily. Even though they’re desperate, they should have known that.”

Arthur leaned against her and closed his eyes. He felt so exhausted from everything today, from unwillingly setting foot to Tempo to even more unwillingly learning what had happened ever since he left. He knew for a fact that the people in Tempo want him back, but he can’t bring himself to forgive them for their rejection, for their painful words and actions when all he tried to do is apologize. Although whether his inability to forgive stems from anger or disappointment, Arthur isn’t sure which.

Ever since he met Elaine, while his life in Cantabile had some rocky moments here and there, he was living with a happiness he never thought he could have, and he didn’t want to let it go.

Both Arthur and Elaine were startled out of their embrace somewhat upon hearing someone knock on the camper’s door. After giving Arthur a kiss on the cheek, Elaine stood up and went to answer, and immediately backed up to let the children in.

Gwen shut the door behind her and locked it, then collapsed into one of the side seats, “Ugh, the drama is getting too ridiculous. I don’t even know what’s going on anymore!”

Arthur could’ve sworn he heard someone crying and wailing, but upon seeing his children not having any signs of tears on their faces, he shoved the thought away.

“What happened?” Elaine asked as Vivian immediately went to Arthur’s side.

“You know how Miss Belle was asking Dad to see if he could talk to her sister?” Percy raised a finger and looked uneasy, “Well, her sister’s here. She saw me, and, well…”

“What happened?” Elaine repeated and gestured for Percy to continue while Arthur listened.

Percy grimaced, “She mistook me for Dad and broke down crying. Sobbing, even. I couldn’t really tell what she was saying, but she was definitely apologizing for something regarding Dad.”

Elaine’s phone vibrated, which she quickly answered, “Aunt Morgan?”

Arthur could barely hear Morgan’s voice over the phone, but not enough to know what she’s telling Elaine.

“…What?” Elaine’s eyes widened, then looked at Arthur with a shocked expression before looking partially devastated, “But, that’s just…!” She blinked for a moment, then hardened her expression grimly, “I know. You know as well as I do that none of this is Arthur’s fault. How can it when he wasn’t even here when that happened?”

What is Morgan telling her?

“Yeah, I’ll let him know. Thanks,” Elaine hung up and took a deep breath, “I agree with you, Gwen. Even I don’t know what’s going on anymore.”

“Mom?” Gwen looked up, “What did Grandaunt say?”

Arthur has no idea what is happening anymore either as he gripped at his hair with a free hand. Things are spiraling out of control. More and more people are knowing about him being in Tempo and the kids are getting involved and everyone is starting to know about the children and--

“Mr. Yukino and Mr. Kingsmen were not kidding when they said that things were never the same after your father left. Not only have they lost so much, but they kept losing even more as punishment for their actions. First a son-in-law from the Yukino family died in an incident, and later that day…” Elaine trailed off and looked grim but did not show any pity.

“Elaine?” Arthur stood up to stand by her with Vivian still in his arms.

“There was a stillbirth in the Pepper family,” Elaine shook her head, and Arthur could tell that she was trying to restrain her emotions, “Cayenne lost her son.”

Wait. What? Did Arthur hear Elaine right? She couldn’t be talking about Cayenne, one of Lewis’s sisters and the prankster of the Pepper family, right? Cayenne Pepper, the little girl who often spiked his milkshakes with hot sauce or spicy peppers so long ago, had been married? And lost a child before it was even born?

But why would Cayenne Pepper cry upon seeing “him” through his son? She hated him and said so herself! The pranks that were more malicious that usual after learning what happened to her brother proved it. Replacing the icing of some cookies with toothpaste that made him vomit when he ate one and placing tacks in his coat pockets and shoes were just some of them…

“And from what Belle had told Aunt Morgan, she had several mental breakdowns and attempted suicide a few times, saying that she had to receive ‘punishment’ for what she did to you.”

…but Arthur knew he deserved Cayenne’s… hatred.

It was his… fault that her family was… torn a… part.

…

…

…Right?

 - - - - - - -

My eyes wide shut!

And I feel your touch!

Part 17: Fantasy

[christinaroseandrews]

How Line Editing Can Make Your Story Stronger -- From a Line Editor

Hi everyone! If you follow this blog and read our book reviews then you know a lot of times one of our big complaints is the story could use a better editor. We don’t often state what kind of editing is needed (unless it’s a proofreader/copy editor), but a lot of the time what’s needed is a line edit.

So what is a line edit?

A line edit is where an editor (or an author if they aren’t too close to the writing) goes through the text with a fine tooth comb looking for things that bog the text down. Things like repetitive phrasing, weak verbs/words, similar sentence structure. Line edits look for overused words, cliches, and telling vs. showing.

A line edit is not a content edit. It is not a developmental edit. It is not a sensitivity edit. It’s not a proofread/copy edit.

Its purpose is to make your prose stronger. More interesting. While leaving the core plots, words, and ideas.

So how does it work?

Well... I’m going to show you using a U.S.A. Today Bestselling author’s opening 300 words. This is not my writing. I am using a very small sample as an example for educational purposes. 

Now that the fair use jargon is out of the way. Here we go.

----

I happened across this while trying to find something to read. I didn’t like the opening, and I couldn’t figure out why. So I took off my reader’s hat, put on my editor’s hat, fired up google docs, and got to work.

When I was done, I had a document that looked something like this:

Let’s break this down. (You also get to see my fandom name, which I am very open about so if you like reading Hunger Games AUs or Soulmates stuff or a diary fic where Tom Riddle gives Ginny Weasley the facts of life you can hunt me down!)

First Paragraph:

The opening starts in the wrong place and doesn’t flow smoothly.  And I noticed pretty early on that this author (assuming it isn’t a ghostwriter which is possible considering the author’s release schedule of 10+ books a year) has very repetitive phrasing. 

Now onto the second paragraph of my edit.

One of the first things I noticed were the weak verbs. The repeated “Walk” permutations. And, of course, the similar sentence structure. I also wanted to break it up. Add some drama. Heighten the tension. And you can do that with short paragraphs and even one sentence paragraphs. Here are my edits and rationales.

All of that I parsed from the original first paragraph. The words are still mostly Croix’s (or her ghostwriter’s), I just moved a few around, tightened a few verbs, and got rid of what looked like unintentional repetition.

Now we’re onto the original second paragraph which has a lot going on with it. Like the original first paragraph, the second needs a lot of work to make it flow nicely. (It also needed a proofreader, but we’ll get to that.)

It may not look like I changed much, but I what I did change mattered.

the last two edits are technically a sensitivity edit, but it’s a very minor one. It’s more about making Harper a little more real.

The last tells me this wasn’t proofread. There’s more wrong tenses in this.

And there’s two more grammar errors and another mistake that tells me that the person writing this wasn’t British and didn’t use a Brit-picker. When editing, any editor worth their salt will ask you what vernacular you’re going for. While technically not part of a line edit, most line editors will point this kind of thing out. And this is where I get annoyed -- if fanfic authors (particularly in the Harry Potter fandom) who write for fun are expected to have Brit-pickers (and vice versa) the same should be expected for published works. *gets off the soapbox*

On to the why I stopped for a grammar lesson about commas... Basically if there is only one of something be it a book, a brother, or a fiancee as is the case here, commas need to be used to set them off because it is considered non-essential information. There’s a really good guide HERE that explains why - just jump to rule 6.

Continuing with this paragraph.

I want to point out, the way this author did the flashback wasn’t bad. It just needed to be set off more and put in the right tense. People do have flashbacks. This is how you do them.

To finish up we have this.

That’s the first 300 words of J.H. Croix’s Big Win.

So what does the finished line edit look like?

I think it’s tighter. More dramatic and a better hook. The words are still mostly Croix’s (or her ghostwriter, I’m not judging) but they’re now stronger. I took out the unintentional repetition. I hit a few grammar problem spots (right now this book would be heading toward losing a star for the grammar errors alone).

It may look like I rewrote the thing, but I didn’t. I used what was there. These aren’t my words. Sure I added a sentence here and there, but mostly for clarification or to combine two clunky sentences into one.

Also with line edits, most of the suggestions are just that -- suggestions. It’s an opinion. If the author decided that they liked the wall of text and subject-verb-direct object sentence structure, then that’s okay. They don’t have to take the changes. However, what is important is that the author looks at them. Thinks about them. In many cases a line edit can help pinpoint what I call ‘crutches.’ Every writer, EVERY SINGLE WRITER, has a go-to sentence structure. Every single writer has a favorite rule they like to break. Every single writer has words they default to or use as filler. And most writers don’t have the distance to see these things.

That’s why you need a line editor. It’s a huge eye-opener. Even I, a line editor, still get line edits done for my work.

Also a few final notes: you’ll notice I did some proofreading and sensitivity editing in my line edit. That’s because I tend to see them as going hand-in-hand. They don’t always, and it can vary from editor to editor. Line editing is also more in-depth than proofreading for most editors so will take longer.  A good rule of thumb is that a professional editor can edit approximately 5-9 pages an hour for copy editing or 1500 words/hour. Content editing tends to be 1-5 pages an hour or about 750 words/hour. This will also vary from editor to editor. Here’s a good guide... no matter what do not expect someone to be able to turn around 50,000 word manuscript in a week that may be approximately 34 hours of work, but most editors have other jobs, other clients, and may need to pause to research something... especially if your editor is fact-checking for rooting out anachronisms (which we do in the line edit phase).

No matter what, you should always have another set of eyes do one last proofread/copy edit after you do a line edit. And it shouldn’t be your line editor. They’re too close to the text, and it’s not their job to go that granular.

I hope that helps! 

If you like more posts like this, consider buying us a coffee. If you want to look into hiring us to edit your work, you can visit our website.

Later!

--Lark/FanficAllergy/One Half of Christina Rose Andrews

[youtiaoshutiao]

go go squid! eps 1-30 - thoughts

i’ve actually read the novel for this a few years ago as a teen and it was just alright in my estimation, it was cute overall and a fun read but i largely forgot about it in the past few years. checked out the drama out of curiosity as to how they’d adapt it. have watched up to ep 30 at this point and i’d say i’m rather ambivalent (though i’m still pretty engaged) so here’s some rambling about my thoughts about my watch so far.

Ngl, the first 7 eps were unbearable to watch imo. I have a super low tolerance for secondhand embarrassment when watching movies and dramas (which is why i can’t get behind some high school movies/dramas) and it was uttermost torture watching tongnian stalk her way (very incompetently too, i must add) to k&k’s resting quarters, even getting his identity wrong (despite being fully capable of baidu searching him given that she knew his full name + found out he was part of a famous team), intending to go to watch him the next day but not even thinking about buying tickets till she was actually at the event venue and then being all righteous about not buying tickets from scalpers... Worrying about causing a misunderstanding among gun’s trainees yet continually getting near him and hence causing a misunderstanding anyway... Though i knew that it was part of her character setup (high iq genius but nil experience in love?) but i couldn’t bear to watch all this unfold haha. Coupled with the very draggy endless flashback scenes and all the testosterone-pumped angst about solo (and now 30 eps in i’m very into Li Xian’s turn as han shangyan but my eyebrows were hurting watching him furrow his brow 24/7) i was almost prepared to quit but was told that everything would get better around ep 8.

And lo and behold... it did. As predicted, around ep 8/9 a switch flipped and i began to be more engaged and enjoy the drama more. I was trying to pinpoint what exactly changed my opinion and i think above all, it was the character of han shangyan that really captivated/held my interest. I started seeing gun not just as the typical 霸道总裁 trope that’s just meant to be confident and commanding and therefore hot but more as a very complex and well fleshed out human (more so than the novel i think, but i can’t really remember at this point as it’s been years, and anyway the novel is a pretty short book while this drama is considered quite long for a modern fluffy cdrama thus allowing more room for exploration).

I really appreciated seeing all the dualities to his character, e.g. his god-like status in his industry and being the idol of thousands and thousands of youth yet seeing how this celebrity status does not translate to being estimated highly by the people around him, and how it does feed into his ideas and perception of himself to a certain extent, though he is also adamant on doing what he deems right, not caring what people think. How he as a leader of k&k appears unflappable, in control, and is determined, eyes fixed on the prize; yet his softness and care for his boys and the elderly he employs and his past teammates shine through in quiet moments and little actions. He has lofty dreams and big goals and aspirations for the future of his team, yet he is also a man bogged down by tons of emotional baggage, stuck in ruts of nostalgia and guilt and unprocessed anger about the past and unable to let go of past enmities or relations. Even his small little quirks amuse/intrigue me, like his sucking on sweets whenever he’s bothered, like his weird obsession with that one Beyond song and playing it whenever he’s Brooding about his past (though it’s probably just the drama’s way of shilling Netease Music lol)

Reading Han Shangyan’s personality/character arc as such, I found myself very invested in what was happening to him/what he was doing/his interactions with the other characters in the story. Even the flashback scenes and SP team scenes that I found very droll initially and still do to a certain extent now held more of my interest as a gateway to understand HSY more. He’s definitely not a perfect character and is deeply flawed, but I appreciated that they portrayed him in such a manner as he definitely felt more real. (though when it came to how this comes into play with regards to his r/ship with Tong Nian, I had rather mixed feelings about it, which I’ll elaborate on further below)

Similarly, I also enjoyed the fleshing out of side characters like Mi Shaofei, Solo, Su Cheng, Xiao Ai etc. Mi Shaofei’s arc especially was very moving and wistful to me, seeing him have his dream of being a champion rekindled at the start of the drama and going back to be a competitive CTF athlete, yet having his age and his lack of practice cause him to not be in top form and doing badly, and eventually making the decision to retire. Seeing him express regret having quit together with Han Shangyan back in the day in a pique of anger and not having this arc resolve in a neat, fulfilling way - I really appreciated it and thought it illuminated quite a sobering reality that timing and circumstances may not always yield the best outcome, that actions from the past that you thought were the right thing to do may come back to haunt you, that you may regret your past actions, that you may have to close the door on certain things even if you really want it. And I really like Mi Shaofei’s personality as well, seeing how he has a good read on his friends’ temperaments and personalities and knows how to diffuse tense situations (especially when Han Shangyan is being prickly and abrasive), how he values the collective above himself, like being happy that SP team scores improved greatly even when the improvement came about due to his retirement. I’m glad that he now has a new path which he can work towards his original dream of being a champion, albeit in a different way that he had initially envisioned.

The main thing niggling at me/making me feel conflicted as I watch the drama is actually Tong Nian’s character/Tong Nian and HSY’s relationship. I don’t really know how to explain what exactly bothers me so much about this, but here’s a shoddy attempt:

In comparison to how well fleshed out Han Shang Yan’s character arc is, Tong Nian’s arc sadly feels very underwhelming in comparison, and I wish similar character development was afforded to her character. 30 episodes in, I literally know nothing about her inner thoughts, motivations, character etc that is not Gun-related gushing. And this is all the more a pity given that her character’s setup was so cool - being so smart and intelligent, being so advanced in a STEM field, also having such a successful online career out of her singing hobby - all these hint at such an interesting female lead, but ultimately feels like an empty shell of a person. There really is no scene where she exists independently, separate from Gun or Gun-related thoughts pervading her mind - e.g. even when she is pitching some cool project idea showcasing her computing skills to the police department, she’s hung up on Gun after breaking up with him; when she’s invigilating a class she’s still thinking about him; she’s coding some new game for him; she’s doing some debugging... but that’s because she’s devastated after he behaved in a shit way towards her; she’s at some tryouts to be the singer for the ctf theme song! she’s showcasing her singing! but somehow... the show still managed to make it all about how she’s heartbroken over him; she uploaded a new song! ... but it’s about how she’s in love with him...

The show tells me she has a life outside of her crush on Gun, but it doesn’t show it as such. Though I also understand that this is due to the drama being centered on esports and hence involving HSY more, and Tong Nian is an outsider to the esports scene and thus her own activities would not be featured as much. It is possible that should they have chosen to feature more about Tong Nian, it might have affected the cohesiveness and pacing and how tight the plot is. But but but... she is the female lead, after all?? I literally know more about Mi Shaofei than about Tong Nian, and he is a supporting character! And precisely because the show did such a good job of fleshing out HSY, whose job and aspiration and passion and friendship-related angst etc lend a lot of fodder to shape his character and that is totally unrelated to his romance with Tong Nian, Tong Nian’s character development seems really lacking in gravitas in comparison.

This sense of imbalance spills over to my perception of them as a couple. I definitely am not opposed to or feel squicked out by huge age gaps in principle, as long as there isn’t some power imbalance and no teenagers are involved. But something about the combination of Tong Nian being all about Han Shangyan (at least that’s how the drama portrayed it, even if it was unintentional) while Tong Nian is only one part of Han Shangyan’s life + Tong Nian’s almost worshipful sentiments towards Han Shangyan + the show’s tendency to highlight how much sleep or time she sacrifices to do stuff for him, on top of the huge age gap made me slightly uncomfortable...?

I think I felt it especially during the plot arc of the second break up. The events of this arc were standard asian drama angst fare - interference from well meaning but biased parent leading to melodramatic wallowing in angst and mean behaviour attempting to drive the other party away... If purely viewing this arc from the lens of character exploration, I think the (rather ridiculous) events in that arc like HSY promising Tong Nian’s mother to not bother Tong Nian anymore and all his subsequent shitty behaviour towards Tong Nian shed some light on HSY’s inner self abasement and 自卑感 and was fascinating in that regard. But then seeing how Tong Nian who definitely puts him on a pedestal just internalised all of that horrible behaviour and accepted it and even kept on excusing his actions or asking him if she had done something wrong or if he was mad at her about the cat (though i also was mad that she just got a pet as a gift without asking beforehand lolol) or if he wanted her to do anything... that was SO painful to watch. (Until he implied that he cheated on her, thankfully she drew a line at that!!) I felt like it was bordering on cold violence to some extent? Not that any part of the second break up was Tong Nian’s fault, but just the way the show portrayed Gun’s way of pushing Tong Nian away and Tong Nian’s subsequent response made it harder to just dismiss the entire saga as just pure asian drama typical noble idiocy angst and left a really bad taste in my mouth. And above all what made me quite exasperated was how in the end, HSY didn’t even apologise to Tong Nian about it, and even attempted (and was successful) to get back into her good graces by listing all the reasons why he should be pitied and hence activating Tong Nian’s ‘Han Shangyan is so pitiful and I love him and want to give him everything’ mode, and being so smug about it??

(I feel like I come off as being rather inconsistent here lolol, earlier gushing about how much I love HSY’s character and now ranting about him. I think I just feel very confused about what to feel when watching the drama, and partially I think it’s because the entire romantic plot and all the events of the drama... require some suspension of belief and are not really very cohesive or well plotted, in the sense that it doesn’t seem to flow organically together with the characters’ emotions and responses? i.e. the character’s emotions/motivations/thoughts don’t correspond to their subsequent actions and the other characters’ subsequent responses to said action doesn’t seem proportional at times. So at certain plot points like how HSY got back together with Tong Nian so easily I’m not sure if I’m supposed to feel outraged or just take it in my stride?? I’m not sure if I’m making sense)

Oh, another thing that bothered me was this weird machoism (?? not sure how to explain it) that I sensed at some parts. An example off the top of my mind would be the entire sequence of HSY and Mi Shaofei going out together after Mi Shaofei announced his retirement, with Tong Nian and Yaya trailing at their heels. Once again, from a character development angle, I enjoyed the dialogues between MSF and HSY, between MSF and Yaya. But seeing MSF and HSY pass their coats to Yaya and Tong Nian then embarking on some bromantic tension-filled run together, while Yaya and Tong Nian are left hovering around waiting for them to return and holding their coats; or seeing MSF and HSY give each other Meaningful Looks and then downing a whole bowl of alcohol in some testosterone-fuelled display of Manly Sorrow and Solidarity as Tong Nian and Yaya watch from the sides, worried... Then having Tong Nian and Yaya each attempting to comfort their respective men... idk, i think coupled with the fact that the show is centred around esports, and most of the esports characters are male, and a larger proportion the main female characters we see are not directly involved and are more on the sidelines, it just gives off the sense of like, the men in this drama having their struggles, their aspirations, their sorrows be forefront and central in the plot, while the women are just there to fawn over them and support from the sidelines and tend to the guys’ emotional needs and baby them when they are being grown children. I’m definitely not explaining this well enough and I’m not sure if my impression is valid or I’m just being a hater or being subconsciously misogynistic and projecting or something lol. I’d love to hear what anyone thinks heh.

Thankfully, that part of the plot is over and now the romance part of the drama seems to be settled and the drama I’m assuming is gearing up towards winning the championships. This is promising haha because personally feel like the esports plotline is more captivating than the romance. I sense that now that Tong Nian/Gun are a properly established relationship and both are fully on board the dynamic might change a bit so I shall see how I feel about their relationship in the last quarter of the drama!

With regards to the cast, there was all round quite solid acting imo. I thought Li Xian seemed to be overdoing it with the frowning and grouchiness initially but I think it was alright after a few eps. His microexpressions and meaning-loaded gazes and quirked-lip-smiles are pretty affecting. I watched some interviews of him and he seems really different from Gun in real life so that’s quite impressive. Plus I love his slight slouchiness when portraying Gun in the more personal scenes where the facade of gruff boss!han shangyan disappears lolol. For all my problems with the way Tong Nian’s character was portrayed, Yang Zi does a great job in her role too. I think her crying scenes have always been on point and it was no different here. Special shoutout to the actors for Mi Shaofei, Solo and Xiao Ai, who portrayed their roles really well I think!

Lastly on a random note, I’m quite amused by how the soundtrack copiously borrows from the Suddenly This Summer soundtrack, but I’m not complaining because the OST is pretty evocative and whimsical and makes me hugely nostalgic for STS :)

[iristial]

Sexism? I really haven't noticed. if there is, I think it could be more or less unintentional due to Kamen Rider being a boy-oriented, toy sales driven franchise.

Long answer ahead, which was entirely unintentional, but I couldn’t cut out anything because I wanted to discuss this in length

I’ll reblog a similar post I did a while back after uploading this one

*

Considering that Kamen Rider is also an action-oriented series, that leaves little or much room for characterization. Sometimes it’s good overall, and even if it has flaws, I’m both willing to critique them and brush over them because no series is perfect, regardless of its target audience. But sometimes, there are cases where the writers treat female characters not so well, and even the nature of tokusatsu being toy-driven isn’t an excuse for this

Tropes (i.e. the dead girlfriend) aren’t bad all the time if played right, and writers have different experiences that can contribute to how and why they write certain plots and characters. But even if I am admittedly someone viewing tokusatsu with a Western perspective, I can’t say that I’m comfortable with

The double standards (which exists in and out of universe)

The implied take that women can only support male characters and do nothing more (which is why I can’t comprehend how they handled Kiriko from Drive not being able to become a Kamen Rider, despite being competent, and overtime her role was slowly degraded into…something else)

There’s also how she’s killed to fuel a male character’s need for revenge and whatnot, and then she’s never mentioned again in the story. Case in point - Kiva as a whole. The only exception I have for this includes characters like

Koyomi from Wizard; her existence is the reason why everything in the series, well, happened and didn’t stay dried up in a well

Kasumi from Build. While she was killed in the second episode to raise Ryuuga’s Hazard Level, her positive influence on Ryuuga was constantly mentioned throughout the series, and she was the first victim of Faust that Sento couldn’t save from dying (which is also significant)

There may be others, but they’re the ones from the top of my head

That if she takes a stand, she will die for it (as the case with several female Riders and characters - Faiz, Kiva and Gaim being examples I’d name on the spot. Now this doesn’t happen all the time, but when it does…oh gosh…)

Women being objectified

Inoue as a writer is notorious for this, and despite my hopes that his perception changed when he wrote the Kiva tribute arc for Zi-O, he stuck to his habits. And while I did enjoy Kiva, the “battle” for Yuri, then Mio, also Maya, how Mio died to protect the fiance who insisted she could only marry him because he said so, the Asou women being Faux Action Girls - ‘displeasure’ is just the surface of how I feel about that

I guess Gaim Mai is also a case of this, with the whole Golden Fruit thing, but I’ll leave it at this since I haven’t watched the series in full to make adequate commentary

And there may be other tropes I can’t think of right now

It’s true that Kamen Rider is primarily targeted for boys - at children, and at that stage of life, there are many things that can either influence them or fly straight over their heads. Sexism is one of them. Obviously tokusatsu isn’t going to make someone a bigot just from watching a 49 episode series about vampires and a musical genius who only plays one song, but still, I have yet to have seen a tokusatsu writer who stepped forward and apologized for being sexist towards their female characters. Even if said sexism was unintentional, even if Japan has a different culture and viewpoint from a Western country, I wouldn’t say that is okay. It’s not okay.

There was a controversy a while back where someone “encouraged” people to bully girls who were into tokusatsu because it was “meant for boys”. There were cases of little girls being picked on for enjoying tokusatsu; it enforced gender stereotypes; it was sexist. Even if tokusatsu is marketed with the intention to draw in young boys, they have to consider that girls can be interested, and that it’s okay for them to like it. It’s okay for them to like action series. It’s okay for them to enjoy what boys do, and vice versa for boys about liking feminine pursuits and fictional series aimed for girls. It’s okay for a girl to find her superhero in a Kamen Rider (which is partially why I’d like more female Riders but that’s another discussion I might’ve addressed already). No one can force them into disliking something that “wasn’t intended for them” because if so, that might not only be sexist, but tyrannical to some degree

And before I conclude my answer - this isn’t some call-out post to tell you, anon, that you’re wrong. The only intention was to point at instances of sexism in Kamen Rider, both in the franchise and on a meta scale. If you still haven’t noticed - well. I’ve said my piece. I can’t force you to interpret things the way I do, and it’s possible that I’m looking at this all wrong. I probably went wildly off course in the middle of this answer. But with that said, I’m willing to discuss this further if you’re up for it. Thank you for making me think about this issue