#also the dream of a vampire show built out from the concept of keeping the immortal characters unaging by shooting scenes early or CGI etc

[thegirlwholied]

the 'deaged scenes' trend has made me want, so badly, to see clips of later-seasons Buffy & Angel with Spike & Angel edited to look like they hadn't aged a day since their first appearance

[nileqt87]

How I’d write a Buffy/Angel spinoff!

I still say the best spinoff they could possibly ever make would be all the Chosen Slayers getting deactivated, then Buffy and a Shanshu'd Angel (IMO, this plot really would only work with Angel, because it actually matches his story arc, not Spike's, to want a human life and fatherhood) have a daughter who grows up not knowing the truth about her parents (and half-brother!) until it's forced to come out.

I would particularly note that the first thing that happens to newly-called Slayers is their prophetic dreams. If ever there was a way to start breaking secrets to this new heroine that also serves as flashback exposition featuring the old shows, this seems custom-built for it. It’s exposition for the audience that never saw the old shows as well as an introduction to a key Slayer ability, but most importantly, it’s personal family revelations that go far deeper than historical flashbacks of unrelated persons or monsters that mean nothing personal. These would be scandalous secrets for a baby Slayer, given Buffy was the rule-breaking Slayer who is most famous for having romantic relationships with the very creatures she’s supposed to slay. Angelus would be the worst family secret of all! This story has all the makings of an existential crisis before acceptance. That would also be a good place to drop in Connor’s history. Buffy never actually got to react to that bombshell either, so that would be an interesting drama with her, as well. Buffy and Angel both tended to feature heavily in prophetic dreams, so it also just feels right to continue that.

If there's some reason why David Boreanaz (who, let's face it, is really not getting younger and SEAL Team can't go on forever) can't or is unwilling to appear, one could have an explanation that Wolfram & Hart has had him trapped in a holding dimension for years as punishment.

You could even build an arc around that with Buffy or the daughter trying to find him. Basically, a kind way of explaining Angel's absence if necessary and Buffy unfortunately having to mirror her single mother (which was a fear of hers), despite it being no fault of Angel's. It would be yet more cruelty for him to miss out on yet another child growing up, which would be a dramatic plot point itself. It could actually become a story where he does matter quite a lot, despite initial absence or mystery.

An even bigger shock than mom having Slayer superpowers and a world full of supernatural forces would be a reveal that dad is a 394+-year-old (depends on if you count hell--in a modern-day spinoff, Angel is rapidly approaching 400 years!) ex-vampire.

The most interesting and fitting story you could ever do with a maturing Buffy would be having her be a mother and trying to have a normal life.

This would also give Sarah Michelle Gellar a starring role that allows her to be age-appropriate, yet also having a younger generation that the original audience can still care about because she isn't completely divorced from the two previous shows in the way that an unrelated Slayer spinoff would be. It allows the core storylines of *both* shows to truly matter, far more than a Buffy Steele-Gunn offspring would.

---

Just a a few notes about my pitch for a continuation that works with the real ages of actors and their availability... I should also note that Xander (played by Nick, anyway--Kelly might work for a flashback) is a character who could never appear in live-action again, so maybe he could be used as another event that contributed to Buffy's retirement besides pregnancy.

If the Shanshu and conception were directly post-NFA, any offspring would be 16 years old right now. IMO, if there were any plans to give SMG a series with her in a major supporting role, this just means that the space for how long between NFA and the Shanshu or how long Bangel got to be with each other widens for however many years it would take to revive the franchise.

I strongly believe that the best option for the franchise would be a back-to-the-suburbs story exploring age-appropriate Buffy facing motherhood, rather than trying to turn Buffy into a war general surrounded by nothing but subordinates (horribly alienating future for her) with a lack of equals or a grounded setting à la the season 8 comics. If you want to introduce the Buffyverse to a new audience whom you can't expect to watch 24-year-old shows until they're interested enough by the revival, you're going to have to ground characters in a relatable reality.

As for how a new Slayer would be called after deactivation, I firmly believe the line is through Faith now anyway, so it would just take her dying for a minute à la Prophecy Girl for a new Slayer to be called. I would definitely want Faith in the show!

--- Facebook discussion

I feel like SMG's concern was less wanting to reprise the role entirely, but more concern that she'd be expected to play the same exact role in her 40s. This is giving her a role that fits a woman (and a mother in real life) who is in her 40s and is a major supporting role rather than he young lead whose story is being centered on.

As for the Angel situation, SMG might actually be more willing to return if she could beg DB to come back for perhaps an initially-limited role and the scenario is one I believe she'd actually support, as it fits with her preferences!

While it might seem that Buffy as a single mother retreads the original, Angel is obviously nothing like the Hank situation (not to mention Joyce and Hank being completely clueless), so the circumstances of the father would be quite different from Buffy's own situation, while also feeding into her own stated fears about her future.

This also brings up all the conversations in Bad Eggs, The Prom and the Chosen cookie dough analogy (children are mentioned again) to the forefront. Unlike with the other options, it was something that came up repeatedly. Admittedly, it was always by Angel due to his infertility and the human life he most desired; all of which ended up being an important part of *his* story.

However, a part of Bad Eggs that is woefully underrated is that Buffy was disappointed when Angel told her vampires can't have children. She immediately covers it up with a babble speech and then starts making excuses for why Slayers are unlikely to have that kind of future. Young Buffy did not disregard it because she didn't want children ever at all, but because the person whom she saw that future with was someone who couldn't have them.

Enter Nikki Wood, where Buffy learns that at least one Slayer was definitely a mother, which she was clearly surprised by.

That's another reason why I can see Buffy, if she got her hopes up with post-Shanshu Angel and conceived, would do anything to be a good mom by not being all about "the mission". She would never want her child to be raised without parents. And I think she'd be doubly sensitive to that, not just because of Nikki, but because of Hank leaving and Joyce dying.

Buffy also became surrogate mother to Dawn, who was made out of her (in a sense, she is her real mother), so Angel's situation with Connor actually had a direct mirror in Buffy's situation with Dawn.

But those conversations were also not just about wished-for children that couldn't be conceived, but also asking Buffy to think about what she wants for her future if she took out the belief that Slayers don't live long enough to have one.

This show would be the answer to what happens to a Slayer when she does live long enough to have the future she barely wanted to get her hopes up for before.

Buffy (ditto Angel) is the character for which this story actually has a ton of setup in the shows themselves. These characters talked about it! And the circumstances are really nothing like Joyce and Hank, even if the initial setup plays into both Buffy and Angel's worst nightmare scenarios about parenthood: being a single mother and not getting to raise the miracle child you thought you'd never have. That kind of bittersweet writing that shirks too-good-to-be-true wish-fulfillment is a cornerstone of what makes it a Buffyverse storyline. If the daughter's family lied to her about their history to keep her safe and protect her from knowing what goes bump in the night (making them the polar opposites of Hank and Joyce in regards to knowing all too well--especially Angel's experience of being the worst thing you could bump into at night, rather than utterly clueless), that would certainly be a conflict. Especially if she found out in a particularly shocking way (say, prophetic dreams). And if Angel (I'd like to imagine he has the company of ghost!Wesley and maybe Illyria and Spike) has been taken for punishment by Wolfram & Hart, it might really confuse her if she doesn't know that he didn't just leave or some other excuse Buffy covered it up with. Wolfram & Hart would also probably love the irony of Angel getting what he most desires (to be human and a father), only to punish him with it by wasting his remaining years separated from all that he loves.

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

Fantasies, dreams and desires, ideas of normalcy and fears of difference. A slightly queer reading of 15x14

Mrs Butters is a delightful character who is built to parallel so many things in the show. She occupies perfectly the semantic sphere that the narrative has crafted around Dean’s desires; also, you know, cake.

We could talk for days about the significance of food and drink in Supernatural. One of the biggest themes that run through the entire show is hunger (or thirst) and food is very often a symbol for an emotional need of sorts. Supernatural draws a lot folklore, and human stories have always used symbologies that put together food, desire, love, sex, family, goodness and darkness and all those human experiences.

We have discussed the shit out of every instance of food in the show, analyzed parallels to other stories and fairytales, scrutinized queer-codings and subtexts, got called nasty names by impolite people accusing us of saying that a slice of baked good means Dean likes sitting on dicks. So, yeah, I’m not gonna start explaining everything from the beginning. Let’s jump to the parallels.

- The comfort food. Motherhood, hugs, and the past that can never return: the ideal of childhood and the 50s fantasy

We’ve already talked about how Mrs Butters functions as a parallel to Mary and a symbol of the ideal motherhood that both Mary and Dean struggled with. In Dark Side Of The Moon, we see a memory from Dean’s childhood, where we learn that Mary would cut off the crusts off his sandwiches. Mrs Butters also says that she cut the crusts off, establishing a direct parallel to Dean’s ideal of childhood and child-parent relationship. Or, we should say, as both Mary’s and Dean’s ideals of a child-parent relationship, because we know that Mary set up her life with John and the kids as an elaborate “scene” according to her idea-slash-fantasy of the perfect safe life.

She strugged with that, because her ideal life could never match with reality - she had loose ends from hunting to deal with, she at some level liked having those loose ends to deal with because as much as she hated the hunting life and craved for safety and “normalcy” that was still something she was in her element doing, probably more than the perfect housewife role. Of course when she came back she attempted to recreate the scene but quickly discovered that it was impossible and dropped all attempts to do so, embracing the opposite, or at least what she perceived as the opposite (having a pretty dualistic view of hunting life-domestic life where they cannot be reconciled).

Dean, on the other hand, started out with a similar dualistic view, figuring that he’d always belong to the hunting world and could never have the domestic, “normal” thing at all, embracing his “freakness” as opposed to the concept of normalcy represented by civilians, by the middle class, by the suburbs, by the apple pie, white fence life (insert heavy queer subtext here). And yet there was always an ambiguity with him (again, he’s never one-or-the-other, he’s always both), because, while on the surface he embraces this rebellious, devil-may-care persona, that’s not quite what he is as a full individual. He grew up essentially a housewife from a very early age, has a very caregiving personality, and thrives in taking care of others.

Dean is both Mrs Butters and Mary, where the difference between him and Mary is that Mary couldn’t (didn’t have the time, support, resources?) reconcile parts of her that Dean instead was able to (and in fact recently helped her with: before dying, she’d reached a pretty healthy balance of living her own life as a hunter and having a warm relationship with her sons, at least as healthy as it can get in that kind of circumstances).

Another important parallel to Dark Side Of The Moon, borrowed by Scoobynatural, is the nightgown that feels like being wrapped in hugs: we are reminded of Dean’s “I wuv hugz” from when he was a kid, a symbol for his early life of affection and safety that he lost with his mother. Childhood hugs, comfort food, loving gestures like cutting off the crusts are all symbols of a past that cannot return.

On a level, from a “coming-of-age story” perspective, childhood, with its innocence and perception that adults will always keep us safe, is obviously something that everyone needs to accept as something that belongs to the past and cannot return, to embrace instead the responsibilities and risks of adulthood in a healthy way. In a sense, Dean needs to go through all these steps - acknowledging that his mother was a flawed person, that in fact both of his parents were flawed people who made mistakes but he can forgive them for his own sake in order to be able to let go of trauma and carry on... - to become a healthy adult able to be a good parent to his own child.

(There’s also the cholesterol thing - Mrs Butters chastizes Dean for his diet, but we know that there’s a depth to Dean’s diet, not only his extreme appreciation of food due to experiencing food scarcity and insecurity as a child, but also the memory of his mother’s comfort food, such as the “Winchester surprise”, a monstrosity of meat and cheese. While the “meat man” persona would appear on the surface as a sterotypical masculinity thing, it has layers, in a typical Dean fashion... not coincidentally, in the latest episode he calls himself the meat man while wearing an apron that we’re told he’s very fond of, painting him, again, in a mixture of different meanings, masculinity and femininity, fatherhood and motherhood, devil-may-care attitude and caregiver attitude.)

On another level, a more political level, there’s the 50s fantasy element. We all know the significance of the idealization of the post-war period as the “good ol’ times” in American culture, and it’s an ideal that Mary definitely drew from when she built her perfect life with her family. Mrs Butters represents this in a very literal way, being literally from 1958 when she “froze” herself, and acts as a very stereotyped governess for a bunch of men that feel like they are above housework, what is considered women’s work. Dean initially comments “how progressive”, knowing exactly how bullshit these conversative ideals are, but then appreciates the comforts of the perfect caretaker.

In fact, Dean’s “giving in” to the comforts of a governess makes me think of that famous feminist manifesto “I want a wife” by Judy Syfers... because housework is very much Dean’s work in the bunker. It’s interesting that Mrs Butters immediately comments negatively on the cleanness of the bunker and their clothes: we know that Dean cleans and washes, and, while it’s likely that he cannot keep everything super perfect like a governess would because he’s busy doing many other things, it’s a way Mrs Butters uses to establish roles that she knows and is comfortable with. She is used to being the one who does “feminine” work while the Men of Letters have absolutely zero skills in that regard, and doesn’t really even stop to question if that’s the case with the men in front of her.

Anyway, let’s go back to the 50s fantasy. The show has repeatedly made commentaries on the vacuity of it. Peace Of Mind is the most obvious instance, but there’s plenty of subtext in the show that deals with that typically American aspect. Just like the childhood aspect, the narrative tells us that the “good ol’ times” are also an idealized thing that cannot return (if it ever existed, because Dean’s childhood was built on a fantasy, and the “good ol’ times” are also a fantasy, because the real 50s were horrible for anyone who didn’t swim in privilege). Mrs Butters cannot stay, the 50s fantasy-slash-childhood fantasy cannot last, and Dean embraces his role as an adult-slash-modern housemaker. Blah blah gender, blah blah cake. (Yeah, sorry, but you can fill in the blanks.)

- The contaminated drink. Poison and weakness from the forbidden sexual desire to the forbidden family domesticity

Aaaand now the second branch of parallels that Mrs Butters pinged on my radar, which sends us in an even more queer-subtext-heavy territory. We’re going to talk about the smoothies and the tomato juice. Yes, I know, the smoothies are given to Jack, not Dean, but symbolically Dean and Jack share the same semantic area; both are given a magically conjured drink, and both end up locked away waiting to be killed. For this analysis, they basically overlap.

Let’s start with the tomato juice. I don’t think that it’s a coincidence that Dean is given something that visually reminds of the blood the vampires drink. The tomato juice is a stand-in for blood, and blood in relation to vampirism has a long history of subtext in the show that connects to sexuality, sex, sexual fears and contamination. While vampires are not necessarily always invested of those meanings every single time they appear in the three-hundred-whatever episodes of the show, their main symbology is connected to sex and sexual fears, as vampires do in modern western literature, after all.

You’re probably going to think, wait, what? What has Mrs Butters got to do with sexual fears? Yeah, I know, it sounds weird, but hear me out.

The tomato juice - a stand-in for blood, with a vampire reference - parallels Mrs Butters (who represents trauma, remember) to 6x05 Live Free Or TwiHard. Sexual assault, blood, contamination via the poisoning liquid.

Next to the tomato juice there’s the smoothie. It’s a poison in disguise, a contaminated drink that makes Jack weak. We have, in fact, a pattern of Dean being given contaminated drinks that place him under another’s power. Not just the vampire’s blood, but also Jeremy from 3x10 Dream A Little Dream Of Me, who offers Dean a beer through which he connects him to his dreams. There’s Nick the siren from 4x14 Sex And Violence, who contaminates Dean through the flask. The venom in the siren’s saliva parallels straight to the gorgon Noah in 14x14 Ouroboros, and I don’t have to start explaining what all those things represent, right? (I have written posts about these things, it would be nice if tumblr didn’t suck and showed them to me when I go look for them.)

(Oh, there’s also Crowley’s human blood addiction, which is not, as one might expect, a parallel to Sam’s demon blood addition, but Dean’s First Blade/Mark Of Cain issue, and the First Blade/Mark Of Cain arc is all imbued by the queer subtext of the Dean-Crowley-Castiel triangle.)

Basically, Mrs Butters is inserted in a history of queer subtext, although it appears as obvious that Mrs Butters hardly represents homosexual desire, unless we go a pretty stretchy route of her occupying Cas’ space in the Dean-Sam-Cas-Jack family (I mean, that’s true, but it’s not simply that). It is also true that Mrs Butters represents Cuthbert Sinclair, and here the radar pings, because Cuthbert Sinclair is totally inside the pattern! He wanted to make Dean part of his collection just like the vampire in 6x05 wanted to make Dean part of his pack, with supernatural means of exorting control over Dean and heavy heavy rapey tones. (I know we don’t like to talk about this, but the show does play with incest subtext, John mirrors are often rapey.)

So, we have all this semantic area of poison, weakness and submission to external control painted in overtones of sexual assault and sexual fears especially in relation to homosexual desire. (I am NOT linking homosexual desire to sexual assult, nor the show is, it’s a wide and volatile semantic area where the common denominator is fear, fear of being hurt FOR being different sexually, it’s about vulnerability because of being different. It’s a horror narrative, guys, remember, queer fear is a recurrent theme in the genre. Dracula was about the horror of what happened to Oscar Wilde, we’re running in circles.)

Now, what kind of fear is explored in 15x14? Well, the episode is about the fear of losing family. The plot is about Dean’s feelings towards Jack after he killed Mary. Dean doesn’t know it yet, but he’s going to lose Cas soon also because of Jack. Mary and Cas are both very noisy absences in the episode, and we know that Dean is going to suffer something horrific again that will shatter his family again. This goes past the fears regarding forbidden sexual desire: we’re in the territory of forbidden familial desire, so to speak, Dean’s craving for a domestic peace with his family.

Jack is both the culmination of Dean’s process of family-building, as the son figure of the family, and the element of destruction of that family-building. Not a coincidence Jack’s birthday was referenced, as Jack’s birth coincided with Cas’ death and Mary’s supposed death or at least separation. Now Jack has supposedly killed Mary (or is it a inter-universe separation again? @drsilverfish​’s theory always pops up, and we keep getting reminded of other universes - the telescope is broken...) and we know that Cas’ ultimate death hangs above us.

We’re always running in a spiral, Dean’s relationship with Mary, Dean’s relationship with Cas, Dean’s relationship with motherhood and gender roles, Dean’s relationship with sexuality. There’s a big picture of mirrors in the semantic area of fantasies, idealizations, desires and dreams. I hope I managed to make this post make sense, but I’m always open to requests of clarification or elaboration. Thanks for reading!

[d-criss-news]

Royalties Soundtrack Listening Event | Darren Criss Chat (July 7th, 2020)

Darren Criss 18:02:04

wait ha

—

Darren Criss 18:02:08

sorry yall

—

Darren Criss 18:02:12

this is confusing me of course

—

Darren Criss 18:02:29

this is new for me too friends

—

Darren Criss 18:02:45

well i'm here but I can't hear shit so gimme a sec

—

Darren Criss 18:04:00

well I'll just keep typing here guys

—

Darren Criss 18:04:04

bro

—

Darren Criss 18:04:07

wilma

—

Darren Criss 18:04:15

i'm tryin

Darren Criss 18:04:57

21kxuv372ubcprrbpiefadt6i

What was your favorite song to write for the show?

They each were really fun so that's hard to say but Hate That I Need You surprised the hell outta me

—

Darren Criss 18:05:30

bettic72

darren non capisco un cazzo

anchio pero sti cazzi siamo qui

Darren Criss 18:05:49

genevievephillips

point and laugh at darren

yes let's laugh at him

—

Darren Criss 18:06:18

2162bkuccm7xje6yfgmuzrnyq

You inspired me to write my own songs 🥺👉🏼👈🏼

thanks for writing the first positive thing I've seen on this. That's wonderful! I hope to hear them!

—

Darren Criss 18:06:43

clo :)

i love that we are all grandparents when it comes to this

thank you for using the appropriate WE pronouns ha yeah this shit is confusing

—

Darren Criss 18:08:44

zcvmtsgee5mom80oxeesa4v11

Darren how do you deal with stage fright .... i’ve been preforming in front of people for a while and i i still get scared . Does it ever go away ?

i guess it depends on how big the crowd is. everybody's different but I will say any kind of fright means you care, which is a good thing! Also the thing people forget about performing, for the most part, is you can't SEE the audience, most of the time they're in the dark. That's why performing for friends or in a small space where you can see everyone is much more nerve-racking

—

Darren Criss 18:08:57

Dana

Darren can we have a royalties tour once rona is over???

wouldn't that be fun!

—

Darren Criss 18:09:15

emilybutcher30

darren can you start streaming on twitch please haha i love you

ha can't compete with King Urie man

—

Darren Criss 18:10:06

jake2000w

Darren, I know it’s all weird right now, but do you have any idea when we might see Nerdy Prudes Must Die?

what a good question. I have no idea but I've been wanting to see that show for almost as long as I've wanted to make Royalties. The boys have been talking about that one for a while now.

—

Darren Criss 18:10:16

jesiqseigle56

Can you like respond .

like yeah

—

Darren Criss 18:10:27

abbyforsmark

has Darren even said anything on this?

nope nothing

—

Darren Criss 18:12:39

u6iczx4gua0att2g4kd2vdzwe

Did you write each of the songs with the performers in mind or did you cast them afterwards?

great question. Except for "Also You," which was written with Jackie Tohn for Jackie Tohn, we had no idea who would sing each song. I did the demos for almost all of them and then we had to pitch actors/artists to see if they'd be interested... which wasn't as hard (luckily) as seeing if they were AVAILABLE... which many weren't given the short time we had to make the show. Hopefully we can get some of those folks on for the next season IF THEY'LL LET US HAVE ONE!

—

Darren Criss 18:13:52

delfi

darren royalties is so good i'm fucking proud of you

thanks for watching it, truly. I know the Quibi thing is strange for people so I appreciate you giving it all a chance : )

—

Darren Criss 18:14:04

Caitlyn A :)

if you see this kick your shoes off

I would but no shoes

—

Darren Criss 18:14:27

t59glm18dkw84n64l72jcuvpc

come to the uk challenge

god i wish.

—

Darren Criss 18:15:39

damn someone said "travel to UK challenge" and I meant to respond "find a vaccine challenge"

—

Darren Criss 18:17:08

i can't hear any of these songs but I"m just gonna start saying random shit about them

—

Darren Criss 18:17:16

first off, i really wanted a theme song

—

Darren Criss 18:17:23

that was a whole thing

—

Darren Criss 18:19:18

Had to cut through a lot of red tape to make sure we had that silly song in there. We were already in the middle of post production when I finally got it approved, but it had to be under 15 seconds. I wrote 3 diff versions. So glad it ended up working. Theme songs accomplish so much in such a short period of time. Establishes tone. Gives the audience an almost Pavlovian response to the familiarity of the characters... I'm happy with it

—

Darren Criss 18:20:12

also the "doo doo doo" lyrics are meant to sound like "scratch vocals" when songwriters record vocals with temporary gibberish lyrics with the intent of filling them in with real ones later

—

Darren Criss 18:22:29

Just That Good was a concept that started the entire 1st season, and it was one of those instant-songs where Nick and Matt told me the title and I immediately had the hook just from those words. That only happens every once in a while and I was so happy it did for that song. The tricky part was writing the rest of it, but the back half of the song with the chorus repeating that one refrain over and over- that was the melody from the get go

—

Darren Criss 18:23:08

I'll get back to Break it In, kick your shoes/let your hair, and kong later... i'll just go off on this one

—

Darren Criss 18:23:48

so I wanted to nod to the grandeur of everyone's favorite vampire elf, Jared Leto

—

Darren Criss 18:24:05

not HIM specifically, but 30 seconds to mars' very BIG music videos

—

Darren Criss 18:24:29

i dont jared is a buncha self centered nutcases like our guys in SWITCHBACK JACKET

—

Darren Criss 18:24:37

* i don't think Jared... 

—

Darren Criss 18:25:38

anyway yeah "so much better..." comes from a lot of the 90s alt rock that I grew up on, and the mix of that sound with a bit of electronic production was an effort to contemportize it as much as possible

—

Darren Criss 18:26:26

but the rhythm guitar, lots of power chords and high octaves were all harkening to my fave bands like Lit and Eve 6... but put through a strange bizzaro nickleback/creed performance filter

—

Darren Criss 18:26:55

"make you come true" is obviously a very salacious play on words

—

Darren Criss 18:28:27

so the only way to make it feel earnest is if we made the track itself sexy as possible. A lot of the songs, even without being written, leant themselves to a certain genre just by the title, and this one was kind of a no-brainer. Sexy mid tempo r&b. And I didn't even know we'd get Jordan Fisher to do it- who SMASHED the vocal.

—

Darren Criss 18:29:42

lauraacampbell-12

DARREN CHORDS OR LYRICS FIRST WHEN WRITING A SONG?

it's different every time but for this show specifically it's always title/idea first, and then the song comes from there. But that's because we're writing a show, so we have the luxury of getting to write from a specific place. It's much harder to do that in your own life when you just want to pull a title/idea from your own experience of life. I commend people that do that all the time.

—

Darren Criss 18:30:06

what's NUTS about prizefighter is...

—

Darren Criss 18:30:24

it was originally a song called LONG RANGER that BONNIE MCKEE sang, who I wrote the song with

—

Darren Criss 18:30:38

and in the video we had CHRISSY TIEGEN lipsynching

—

Darren Criss 18:30:44

it was bananas

—

Darren Criss 18:31:26

we ultimately couldn't use the song because of some complicated writers shit- not too dissimilar from the things we explore in our own show, which is just totally ironic.

—

Darren Criss 18:32:56

we were so bummed that we couldn't use the song but I'm actually really really happy with PRIZEFIGHTER. I love the song, and I love how it turned out production wise. I love how much of a massive influence latin x rhythms have had across the entire spectrum of mainstream music, so I wanted try my own hand at nodding to it!

—

Darren Criss 18:33:08

Lara :)!

Ahhhhh so was that the pilot song you were talking about last week?

that's the one

—

Darren Criss 18:33:45

hbz3jctrg5rwwma640hahffvt

You have inspired me to learn piano I already know how to play teanage dream now

you can thank Bonnie Mckee aka Kimmy Kelly for writing that song!

—

Darren Criss 18:34:01

ok then there's the k pop song

—

Darren Criss 18:34:08

honestly i had no idea where I was gonna start on this one

—

Darren Criss 18:34:22

full props to the brilliant CJ Baran who I wrote this song with

—

Darren Criss 18:34:39

we were just toying around with very industrial-sounding samples

—

Darren Criss 18:35:21

and I started singing Edvard Grieg's "in the hall of the mountain king"

—

Darren Criss 18:35:33

and he was the guy that was like YEAH JUST PUT IT IN THERE

—

Darren Criss 18:35:46

and i realized, oh yeah, that song is public domain

—

Darren Criss 18:35:59

and kinda ties perfectly to the nature of Elia Peck and his songwriting... huh.

—

Darren Criss 18:36:05

So we went for it from there.

—

Darren Criss 18:36:17

based the lyrics off of what the Neals say in the room.

—

Darren Criss 18:36:34

and then just wrote a bunch of ALMOST nonense lyrics about things that you could HATE that you NEED

—

Darren Criss 18:36:40

things like available wifi...

—

Darren Criss 18:37:01

artistinal mai-tais.... yeah I guess if you really really liked those you could HATE that you NEED them...

—

Darren Criss 18:37:04

etc etc

—

Darren Criss18:38:16

but the idea was to have Mariam Hale's character hardly do ANYTHING on the track, since she, as the audience sees, doesn't really have much to offer... so we just built it around this huge track with crazy lyrics that just tees up a tag for her to say without even having to sing: I HATE THAT I NEED YOU

—

Darren Criss18:38:43

2235n5s2qk5hjsujbhk5ilpva

I have classes in 10 minutes, and I'm not leaving until you dedicate a Royalties song to me.

looks like you're gonna miss calss

—

Darren Criss 18:39:09

"calss" ha. which is like "class" but like... different.

—

Darren Criss 18:39:32

alrighty PERFECT SONG

—

Darren Criss 18:39:38

i really love this song as well

—

Darren Criss 18:40:02

the reveal of this song is that they keep talking about this "perfect song" they've written

—

Darren Criss 18:40:26

in other words we're teeing up a pretty big expectation of what a perfect song could possibly sound like

—

Darren Criss 18:40:36

the reveal of course is that the song itself is in fact just called "perfect song"

—

Darren Criss 18:40:43

which is ABOUT a perfect song

—

Darren Criss 18:41:07

and about TRYING TO WRITE a perfect song, and how that's not necessary when you have someone that IS the perfect song

—

Darren Criss 18:41:20

when we wrapped our heads around that idea, I really loved it 

—

Darren Criss 18:42:10

you'll notice we reference a lot of incredible songs, almost citing them as perfect songs themselves

—

Darren Criss 18:42:14

ain't no mountain high enough

—

Darren Criss 18:42:55

of course leonard cohen's seminal Hallelujah

—

Darren Criss 18:44:05

and of course Britney's Oops I Did It Again ha ;)

—

Darren Criss 18:45:00

the Oops being a layered joke of being annoyed with oneself that they AGAIN unwittingly wrote a lyric for already massive song, but in doing so citing yet ANOTHER already massive song... if that makes any sense

—

Darren Criss 18:45:27

sorry for the typos yall i'm moving fast, i'd never let this shit slide if it wasn't a casual chatroom vibe

—

Darren Criss 18:46:37

emzlolly1234

Did you know you wanted there to be a romantic thing between pierce and Sara?? :))))

yes that was actually our original "pilot presentation" episode. the one with the song LONE RANGER and Chrissy Tiegen. It was a longer version of what would become episode 7. We THINK it's a romantic thing but you realize that Sara is just playing Pierce to get the song she needs. That was always the premise yes.

—

Darren Criss 18:46:51

luzmargotramos

if you reply with a single dot I'd probably die

then I better steer clear of any dots

—

Darren Criss 18:47:04

ALSO YOU was an amazing lightning in a bottle moment

—

Darren Criss 18:47:09

FULL CREDIT TO JACKIE TOHN

—

Darren Criss 18:47:22

i always enjoy giving credit where credit is due

—

Darren Criss 18:48:24

and I came in pretty hot for most of the songs- concepts, chords, style... but this one literally was a simple as Jackie Sitting down and just playing "It's you I love but also you and also you and also you."

—

Darren Criss 18:48:37

we all just looked at each other going, welp, yup, that's it, jackie you fuckin rule

—

Darren Criss 18:49:28

the song would have ended up very differently if she hadn't brought that to the table. the original episode and song was "one true loves" which isn't nearly as good of a gag/title as "also you"

—

Darren Criss 18:49:50

i ended up squeezing "one true loves" into the bridge, but of course, kept ALSO YOU as the main event

—

Darren Criss 18:50:02

i will say I was also trying to spoof my brother's old band, FREELANCE WHALES a little bit

—

Darren Criss 18:50:26

if you guys know the song "generator first floor" where they sing ay ay ay ay ay a lot...

—

Darren Criss 18:50:35

... as a lot of bands and songs had featured at the time...

—

Darren Criss 18:51:00

i wanted to put them all in one joke. where a band sang not only hey hey hey but ay and EE and AYE and OH and basically all the vowels

—

Darren Criss 18:51:10

which was where the joke of,

—

Darren Criss 18:51:20

a, e, i, o, and also u

—

Darren Criss 18:51:21

came from

—

Darren Criss 18:51:32

which i'm particularly proud of

—

Darren Criss 18:51:56

ok let's talk about BREAK IT IN

—

Darren Criss 18:54:16

lxucxthxrxnx_

I’m a musician myself (not that great lol) what was it like coming up with the melodic side did you play any instruments for the songs?

i played instruments on all the songs except Break It In and I Hate That I Need You, since those were all electronic. That's not to say i played EVERY instrument but I definitely played AN instrument of some kind for the others.

—

Darren Criss 18:55:34

as for break it in... anyway... yeah that was a blast. Nick Lang and I collaborated with my buddy Kendo who goes by the artist name KingJet.

—

Darren Criss 18:56:54

Kendo has worked on a lot of legit songs in the hip hop space. For each song I wanted to make sure there was a level of authenticity to what we were doing. I didn't wanna SPOOF the songs. I wanted the songs to sound rock solid and that it would be the LYRICAL CONCEPTS that would be the source of satire. So Kendo was a great guiding light to keep the track as authentic as possible.

—

Darren Criss 18:59:47

We explained to Kendo the whole joke concept of the song, which is basically just turning the idea of toxic masculinity on its head, and he was on top of it immediately- when we told him that there's this guy that's really concerned that people think he "fucks too soft" he immediately started spitting out lyrics like the hilariously defiant "I'm the KING OF THE HARD FUCK"

—

Darren Criss 19:00:35

which just killed me and Nick. It was just so juvenile that it was adorable to me

—

Darren Criss 19:00:57

emzlolly1234

Darren you’ve been here for an hour? That’s the length of royalties man xxx

yeah aint it great

Darren Criss 19:02:21

sophie :)

i personally think you should try your hand at writing a drill song, a british genre of rap that centres around rapping unrelated lyrics in front of chicken shops, personally think it has the right tone for the show for a season two

drill would be siq. I mean, opening the incredible pandora's box of UK based hip hop in general is its own magical wormhole of nuance and history and regional culture. it's amazing. i'd really have to do some homework if I wanted to pull that off!

—

Darren Criss 19:02:49

cd2gu4ceqx4am9otf9hzwzivs

he’s talking again guys be worried he might write another essay

ok sorry i'll stop

—

Darren Criss 19:02:51

:)

—

Darren Criss 19:03:03

cd2gu4ceqx4am9otf9hzwzivs

he’s talking again guys be worried he might write another essay

kidding!

—

Darren Criss 19:03:39

fsheldens

when darren actually cares about us 🥺

awww i always do! I just wasn't built for internet stuff.

—

Darren Criss 19:04:20

alpermehdi

speaking of nick how was it to work with nick??

the best. Nick is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

—

Darren Criss 19:04:51

chloe :)!

what would be ur karaoke song choice from the show?

mighty as kong

—

Darren Criss 19:07:32

isa.kowo

How much music theory goes into your songwriting? And did you learn all of it from playing the violin? In what way does it go into your songs?

all GREAT questions. I mean, music theory isn't something you CONSCIOUSLY employ when writing something, it's just that it really helps to know the rules or music when shaping it and trying to maximize its production. And as a matter of fact, yeah, I DID learn most of it playing violin. But when I was playing violin I was ingesting music from the perspective of a student ingesting information, not as a proactive creator putting anything of my own out into the world.

—

Darren Criss 19:08:07

Honestly I really didn't start UNDERSTANDING music theory until I started writing music for other people, and noticing certain things and chords and shapes had names and that they could be manipulated to accomplish certain things

—

Darren Criss 19:08:35

so most of my academic musical knowledge came in my 20s when I tried to start doing it professionally

—

Darren Criss 19:08:52

Nick

first instrument you ever learnt?

violin

—

Darren Criss 19:09:07

andyruiz080

I'm castin' my love net wide And fillin' every hole in my schedule

ha love that line

—

Darren Criss 19:09:29

missweggy

Darren are you a big queen fan ( the band lol ) 😂

is the pope catholic

—

Darren Criss 19:12:00

ChloeOmelia

Now its available, would you change anything?

jesus so much. but such is the nature of creating stuff. there's a great Hayao Miyazaki quote about always having to make new stuff to escape the woe of all the mistakes you made in your last thing... I mean, that's a bit extreme, I feel like we did the best we could given the circumstance but I totally get where Miyazaki is coming from. And in many ways that's everything we do in life. Do your best, know what you coulda done better and carry on

—

Darren Criss 19:12:36

dj._.quackers

who or what was your biggest inspiration growing up

the beatles. the uk. the 60s.

—

Darren Criss 19:13:02

Astriddd

Your first original song was "Not Alone". I'm right?

no it was actually a song i wrote in the third grade when I got a guitar for Christmas called "Save The Whales"

—

Darren Criss 19:14:29

hiiqsbo9358wvfkcjcsgsu4lb

Darren I need an answer it’s been annoying me for days. So was everyone fucking everyone in Pierces old band or was she just fucking everyone seperately??

ha that's a really great question. I figured she was just fucking everyone individually, which is why the band was so contentious but then again I'd rather let your imagination run wild...

—

Darren Criss 19:15:29

jphxxk5wjnaqnhuv806wmohdt

Darren, I love your taste in music. You should share your personal playlists ... bc everybody needs to know phantom planet 😉

if i actually shared my tastes in music, or actually shared the amount of stuff in my brain at the rate that I want to share, I would never work on or create anything because i would constantly be on the internet and you'd all be over me if you weren't already

—

Darren Criss 19:16:01

But yes, thank you for saying that, I love me my phantom planet oh so very much :)

—

Darren Criss 19:16:18

juli.nuttini

could you please answer me I don't speak English and I'm putting ALL my effort into asking you questions I'm going to cry

wow your english is actually pretty great

—

Darren Criss 19:17:08

I'd like to write a song with Howard Ashman

—

Darren Criss 19:17:23

dancebaby218

Was kick your shoes off inspired by your Hedwig shoes?

nah cuz that shit was actually comfy

—

Darren Criss 19:17:55

12169199549

i skipped my clarinet class because of you for the third time :) what can i say to my teacher?

that Darren says you should have gone to clarinet class!!!

—

Darren Criss 19:18:34

qalektvmexab6gfwibfihwu6b

Could you please answer me. We’ve supported you for years from the uk and we’re staying up for this but it’s totally worth it because you’re amazing!! Molly x

I wish so bad I could go to the UK!

—

Darren Criss 19:20:01

FUCK someone asked about Sam Farrar and I wanted to answer it but it disappeared... Sam is a homie. one of my very first songwriting sessions was with him and a very famous member of the pop universe... who if I get a season two, I'm putting in the show.

—

Darren Criss 19:22:00

9nc1yow3iwnp9p3fs4gcvdnsf

what other instruments would you like to learn in the future?

i just need to spend time trying to get better at the ones I've plateaued with. I feel like I got as good as I'd ever get on the guitar when i was like 19. So I've been trying to get better during the Quarantine. Picked up my violin and dusted off that Vivaldi, started doing drum rudiments on my drum pad, and started learning new licks and scales for guitar. Stuff I never got round to doing.

—

Darren Criss 19:22:27

harefraz

mr. criss sir, what is your top quarantine activity?

playing music

—

Darren Criss 19:23:26

actually lies. top quarantine activity is learning Japanese. 30 minutes a day. And it's been several months. Almost got Hiragana down, still got a few characters I'm questionable with but with any luck I'll start up on Katakana in the next few weeks.

—

Darren Criss 19:23:40

224abi6avvottcsacto7vx46a

What about working with Mark hamill ? Insane right

you said it

—

Darren Criss 19:23:54

t7sxis7855cd329gaa6iyty8v

Any updates on American Buffalo? 🥺👉🏼👈🏼

it's opening next year!

—

Darren Criss 19:24:09

for the record this is really fun I'm enjoying this guys

—

Darren Criss 19:26:26

Rachael

How different is it doing a show like Royalties where you're heavily involved in the creative process compared to other projects you've done in the past?

i'd say night and day but that's an understatement. When I did Glee all I had to do was act in scenes, record songs, and go to dance rehearsal. With Royalties, it's that AND casting, doing pre production, post production, notes, meetings, notes, writing and producing songs, location scouting, blah blah blah lots of the stuff that you don't have to worry about if you're not a creator. But make no mistake I absolutely love it.

—

Darren Criss 19:27:41

Aisha

learn spanish

I'll get there. I already speak a bit of Italian so I wanted the challenge of learning something that didn't use a writing system I already understood.

—

Darren Criss 19:28:23

rosieellenxx_

I take Music Technology as a subject at school and we have to make a whole song with the sole sample of glass breaking...

sounds fun. loads of things you can do with that.

—

Darren Criss 19:28:48

21ynx6niidf2amx5nzilihsga

What are your goals for once quarantine is lifted?

hopefully to feel like I used this very strange time well.

—

Darren Criss 19:29:14

Ok I should probabl get outta here right?

—

Darren Criss 19:29:41

I've talked a lot about mighty as kong in other places

—

Darren Criss 19:30:00

so I'll just leave you with a story about "Let Your Hair Down"

—

Darren Criss 19:30:14

which was the very FIRST song we wrote for the show

—

Darren Criss 19:30:37

I had a meeting with an artist at a dive bar in the middle of the afternoon

—

Darren Criss 19:31:10

let's just say I showed up to that very first writer's session very late

—

Darren Criss 19:31:17

and sober ENOUGH

—

Darren Criss 19:31:41

wktusw4mcjn910r3eq91zg4k5

darren did you watch hamilton??????

duh last night. so fun.

—

Darren Criss 19:32:17

anyway I was so relieved that we left with that song at the end of the day. The intent was always to write two songs with the exact same concepts just with different titles

—

Darren Criss 19:32:50

the chords are the same, just slightly different voicings played on slightly different instruments

—

Darren Criss 19:33:29

and the idea was that whichever song was funnier, or at least whichever song would be more fun to see in a music video... would be the one that Pierce & Sara write

—

Darren Criss 19:34:08

"Kick Your Shoes Off" ended up feeling more like a full music video than "Let Your Hair Down" but I LOVE that first song, and hopefully people get to hear the whole thing on Spotify since you don't get to hear the whole song in the episode

—

Darren Criss 19:34:51

with lines I love like "see my cheekbones, show off my clavicle, I bet you've never seen a ponytail to magical..."

—

Darren Criss 19:35:39

emilybutcher30

i love that u spelled it sara not sarah

thank you. if you don't already know it, check out Ben Folds' "Zak and Sara"

—

Darren Criss 19:36:01

OK i gotta get going

—

Darren Criss 19:36:12

but thanks to everyone from all over the world for joining

—

Darren Criss 19:36:17

i see you and i say hi to you!

—

Darren Criss 19:36:23

happy birthday to all the bday kids!

—

Darren Criss 19:36:33

thank you for spending a little bit of your bday with me

—

Darren Criss 19:36:39

thanks for checking out Royalties

—

Darren Criss 19:36:46

hope you enjoy the music

—

Darren Criss 19:36:53

and hope there gets to be a season 2!!!

—

Darren Criss 19:37:08

xo to all of you. stay safe, stay inspired. - Darren

[theholycovenantrpg]

CONGRATULATIONS, ALYX! YOU’VE BEEN ACCEPTED FOR THE ROLE OF ARAEL.

Admin Rosey: Oh god, I think Arael was one of the characters that caught me by surprise. But the absolutely mastery of this application, did not at all surprise me because only Arael could - and should - be so effortlessly captured within the span of a single application. Tragedy, as you said Alyx, is woven into Arael’s bones and the fact that they recognize it and are so unbroken by it in their countenance says absolutely everything to me. The plots that you have lined up only feed into that tragedy more and I, for one, am absolutely here for it. I think that Arael is ripe for evolving and I completely trust this beautiful starlit character in your capable and loving hands. Please create and send in your account, review the information on our CHECKLIST, and follow everyone on the FOLLOW LIST. Welcome to the Holy Land!

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias | Alyx

Age | Taylor Swift vc: Idk about you, but I’m feeling 22!

Personal Pronouns | She/Her.

Activity Level | hopefully pretty active? I have work and classes but I’m taking less hours and my internship is done so I’m hoping I have more time to be on the dash.

Timezone | CST.

Triggers | REMOVED

How did you find the group?  | I saw plenty of ads for it on my personal.

IN CHARACTER

Character | 

Arael: “Lion of God”; She couldn’t remember her original name. Her memories of the cold abyss of the galaxy came to her in bits and pieces that she latched onto as one would latch onto an extended hand. She could remember that feeling of peace within her falling star. She could remember that acceptance as her annihilation came nearer. She could remember the rage and melancholy that took over her being as she opened her eyes and examined the wings that protruded from her back and the knowledge that her destiny was ripped away from her. The name Arael was a reminder of that original loss. She was never supposed to be a lion of god. She was never supposed to be an angel stuck on Earth. God had claimed her for himself. He claimed her to be a lion, and all she could do was set her icy gaze on her surroundings and roar until her voice grew hoarse and the burning in her chest faded away.    

What drew you to this character? |

To be honest, I lurked on the admins’ blogs as the RP was originally being promoted. I tend to search for characters I like by quotes and images posted to their tag, and there was one quote on Arael’s tag that caught my attention. I don’t remember what exactly it said, but I knew it meant Arael was a character I needed to keep my eye on.

I love characters with tragedy built into their bones. There’s something so compelling about a character going through hardships and how they react to those hardships. Arael’s power alone showed me that she was a tragic character. To be able to hold everyone’s hope in your hand aside from your own? It seemed like a twisted gift from fate. As I read more, I realized that she was a creature of tragedy. She was pulled from the night sky against her own will. She was made into god’s image without her consent, and forced to endure the knowledge that she had lost her home and her destiny. She stared at the night sky, but she was never truly able to go back to her original home.

I like playing around with grief and how it impacts a character. I like seeing if they drown in their feelings, or if they rise above the grief and move forward with their lives. I think Arael is drowning in her grief. She’s stuck in this tunnel of rage and revenge that will consume her if she’s not careful. She’s blinded by this need, and I find that incredibly interesting to explore. Will she burn out? Will she start a war between the three parties? We’ll have to see.

Her story also kind of reminded me of Buffy Summers from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Not in a direct way, but there was a storyline where Buffy died and her friends brought her back from heaven and Buffy talked about being in peace before they brought her back. Arael being torn from her fate and made into an angel reminds me of that. The melancholy and grief they both felt from being ripped away from their rightful place. The way everyone notices that mourning. It gave me parallels.

What future plots do you have in mind for the character? |

“Why are you full of anger? Because you are full of grief.”

→ She was happy. For so long, Arael didn’t know what that feeling entailed. She had looked upon her existence as a punishment. She stared at the realm of heaven and only saw a jail cell. Her body was crafted by god, yet all she felt was unfamiliar in her own skin. Uriel had changed that. She had brought a smile to the otherwise stoic angel’s face. She was warmth wrapping itself around Arael’s cold heart. She was that flicker of hope that Arael felt in other people. She was hers, and someone had ripped that away from her. As she stared into her lover’s empty gaze, all she could think about was doing the same to whoever had killed her. She will rip the world apart if that’s what it took to satisfy the grieving of her heart. The only question will be: who will be spared in the end? 

A big part of Arael is her dealing with that loss of her lover and that need for vengeance. I definitely want to explore her seeking out the answers to the murder. I want to see her dragging suspects to be interrogated in the hope that one day the right person will tell her what she wants to know. I want her to endanger innocent lives in her quest for justice. I want her to be so consumed with rage and grief that either herself or others get harmed in the process. She is a star on a collision path, and I want her to burn and burn out during this journey. Most of all, I want her to find the person who did it. I want her to find them, and I want her to kill them. It's the only way for her to be satisfied. It’s the only way for her to put her grief behind her and search for that glimpse of hope again

“You turn the pain into power.”

 → To some, her powers seemed like a blessing. To be able to hold onto someone’s greatest hope was to understand what truly made someone feel at ease. It was the way their eyes sparkled whenever their favorite person walked in a room. It was the passion that would surge through an individual during that last battle of a war. It was a glimpse behind the mask that people often wore, and Arael held all that at her fingertips. To her, this power was another way fate mocked her. She could feel what people’s greatest hopes were. She could fill them up with so much hope that they would be blinded by that desire. She could do so much for other people, but it would never be done for her. She couldn’t fill herself up with that hope. She couldn’t understand that blinding urge that she gave out. What does one do with a gift that serves to remind someone of the very thing they’re lacking?

I want to explore the depths of her power. I think that there’s more to be discovered with her abilities, and I want her to discover exactly what she can do with her gift of hope. I want her to see if her power could be used in the opposite direction. Could she drain someone of their hope? Could she blind someone with utter hopelessness to the point that they see nothing but their dreams slipping from their grasp? I think it would be a dangerous discovery if it were possible. I would also like to see a situation where her gift is irreversible— whether it be gifting hope or taking it away. Perhaps anger clouds her abilities and she over exerts her gift. Perhaps she’s trying to find an ounce of her own hope by filling someone up with so much hope that they become a shell of their former self. I want to push her powers to its limits, and I want Arael to see what sort of consequences are dealt from that discovery. 

“You allow your anger to blind you.”

→  Arael’s been in a fragile state since the death of Uriel. To feel the small hint of hope get ripped out of her hands by an unknown assailant left her in a state of brokenness. She’s blinded by this ideal that she’ll be satisfied with vengeance. She has it built up in her mind that the death of this assailant will bring her the peace that she almost had with Uriel—- the same peace that was ripped away from her by god. What do others feel about this mentality? Do they find it foolish? Do they understand her mentality? Or perhaps they see an opportunity hidden behind those aching eyes? 

I want to explore the concept of manipulation with Arael. I’m usually not fond of manipulation plots, but I feel like Arael’s in such a vulnerable state right now that it might be possible. I want someone to see that anger and despair. I want someone to see this utterly terrifying, broken angel and use it to their advantage. She’s the perfect weapon if used correctly. Her tunnel vision for revenge could easily be directed towards someone’s enemy if they whispered the right words to her. She could start a war if the correct side twisted her enough. I want to see her revenge used for someone’s personal plans. Maybe she kills an innocent person because she was led to believe they were present during her lovers death. Maybe she drags an innocent victim to Abaddon because she was led to believe they had valuable information. I want to see that manipulation, and I want to see the fallout of it. 

“You reach for a soul that forever escapes your grasp.”

→ Arael loved Uriel, or at least it was the closest she ever got to love. The angel had gifted her a slice of hope that she had lacked since her creation, and Arael has been seeking a semblance of that hope since her departure. She feels lost, like she was back to her first years as a star-turned-angel, and she hates that feeling. She hates the emptiness that fills her heart as she watches the mortals her companion once adored. She hates the way she feels so distant from the other angels. Most of all, she hates that their love story ended so abruptly. She misses her with every fiber of her being. One often wonders what they would have their final words be to a loved one, but what if she could have that do over? What if she could catch a glimpse of her again?

I want her to approach Ryuk about contacting her dead lover’s soul. I think there’s a variety of reasons why she would want to talk to Uriel again. I think the most basic one would be that she wants to see her again—- even if it’s only through Ryuk’s words. This was the one person that broke her out of her shell and showed her that the world was worth more than mourning. The most plot related reason would be that she can ask her what her last memory was. Arael has exhausted her options when It comes to possible suspects, so perhaps Uriel could remember who was around during her death or who even caused her to perish. I also like the thought of Uriel advising her against this revenge quest, and Arael refusing to listen. She doesn’t realize that this isn’t what her lover would’ve wanted. She doesn’t realize that she’s doing more harm than good. It’s overall a more personal plot, but it’s good development for her and helps lead to either her collapse or her breakdown at realizing what she’s becoming. 

“Anger was better than tears.”

→  Mortals were the envy of God’s creations. Angels were tasked with protecting them like a dragon protects its treasures. They razed cities, enacted miracles, all for the species that found favor in God’s eyes. Arael was never a mortal. She never understood the significance of their kind. She had no attachments to the beings aside from those tasks formerly given to her. She didn’t care for them like Caphriel did. She didn’t despise them as others might. Her feelings towards them might be classified as indifference. However, the stance changed after the death of Uriel. Eyes that might have had a glimpse of care for the beings shifted into anger at the thought of one of them murdering her beloved. Eyes that casually looked over the beings stuck to watching them with careful eyes. One human in particular has gotten caught within her storm. The question is: will she shatter the tentative peace that held the world together? Perhaps a bigger question is: will she have any regrets if she does? 

Personally, I find the thought of Arael killing Bastien quite sexy. This would be completely up to the Bastien player, but even if it didn’t go that far, I still love the connection. I like the thought of Arael breaking that peace between the three factions. She sees Bastien as this arrogant fool, and she’s bothered by his position of power. How does her Uriel, gentle and kind, die while men like him thrive? It frustrates her. I’d like to see her knock him from his place at the table. Whether this be done through violence or jeopardising his spot amongst the ten would be up to the Bastien player and what they feel comfortable with, but I can work with either one. Arael’s desperate for some sort of vengeance. I think the more she struggles to find the one who killed Uriel, the one she’ll lean into these desires to destroy someone else, and Bastien is the unfortunate victim of her wrathful gaze. 

“You’re a being of isolation.”

→ She is the only one of her kind. No one else knows what it’s like to live amongst the stars. No one else knows what it’s like to be plucked from the night sky and recreated in someone else’s image. No one knows the loneliness that comes with such a fate. The other angels are her brethren, her allies, but they don’t relate to her on that level. She’s a solitary creature, a lone star stuck wandering the earth, and it’s a painful existence. Will she ever figure out that some stars lay in clusters? Will she ever realize that she has the opportunity to shed that loneliness? It’s hard to say. It’s hard to pull herself out of the isolation that she chose from the start. 

I want to explore her dynamic with the other angels. I think Arael struggles with connecting to them due to her origins. She doesn’t have that connection of being formed from the Earth or reborn as an angel. She’s different from the others, and that caused her to separate herself. I want to see how they take her quest of revenge. Surely some of them were close with Uriel, maybe even close with Arael, so perhaps they would support the mission. On the other hand, I’d love to see that disapproval. I want to see them trying to temper her anger only to be met with an icy glare. I’d love to see someone try to talk her down from her grief. She’s blinded by this mentality of an eye for an eye, but she doesn’t realize how that affects her fellow angels. I want them to show her how it affects them. Let them get caught in the crossfires of her vengeance. Let them struggle to pull her away from the brink. I think the angels quietly realizing that this fallen angel, this hollowed soul, might do some real damage would be delicious to watch. 

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Absolutely!  

IN DEPTH

Driving Character Motivation |

They say the story of Arael is a tragic one. She was a burning star plucked from the sky and formed into god's image. She was placed among the angels, meant to stand holy and divine alongside her new brethren, yet she found herself standing alone. This angels story isn’t built on blessings. Her story isn’t a fairytale told to the young mortals in an attempt to sooth them to sleep. No, her tale is built on loss, and that’s what motivates her throughout her journey.

Her original loss is the loss of her original destiny. She was stripped of her purpose, ripped away from her original form and forced into a foreign body. She stared at her reflection and a stranger peered back at her. She examined her wings and only saw the fragments of her former self embedded within her feathers. She destroyed cities on God’s behalf, and yet all she could feel was a hollowness in her chest. Loss was her mentality within this point. That acknowledgment of what she’s become and how to endure that was her guiding factor in her initial years of life as an immortal being.

The next stage of loss was the loss of her hopelessness. Uriel had dragged her away from that hole she tucked herself in. The fellow angel opened her eyes to the possibilities of life, and for the first time, Arael’s world wasn’t a bleak landscape. She had color in her vision. She had a slight light in her eyes. Her smile wasn’t forced. She was learning what it was like to look at life as an adventure rather than a chain wrapped around her ankle. This stage of loss was a good thing. It was a stage of growth for the distant angel. She lost that depression that overcame her during her early years. She lost that emptiness that had wrapped itself around her like a blanket.

This latest stage of loss is the cruelest of them all. This burning star, this cold-eyed angel was finally learning the most human of experiences: death. She felt that small sliver of hope rip away from her as she held Uriel’s prone form in her arms. Her body shook with anger as she realized she was once again alone. Her motivation stems from the impact of that loss and the grief that nestled inside her heart. She’s driven to revenge. Her eyes are blinded by the need to punish the person that ripped that hope from her. A part of her knows this is a dangerous path. She knows what happens to stars that burn too brightly. Yet, the loss keeps her locked in its grasp. If she is to burn out, if she is to be destroyed, let it be with the knowledge that she has conquered the loss that has been trailing after her for years. 

In-Character Para Sample | 

“I brought another one.”

The history behind her statement was not lost on her. Each week she’d latch onto a lead. Each week she’d drag them into the heart of the black cells. Each week she’d watch Abaddon pull out any sort of answers they might have buried in their chest. Each week she’d feel the bitterness of disappointment settle on her tongue as she realized she reached another dead end. It ended the same every time. It couldn’t end the same way this time.

Her eyes traced over the features of her latest endeavor. His porcelain skin and almost white hair reminded her of Uriel, but the resemblance wouldn’t help him out of his fate. She had plucked him out of the crowd in hopes that he had any recollection of that fateful night. With each individual, She wanted a direction. She felt herself grasping at ghosts as the figures from her memory dwindled, and this feeling of loss was becoming all too familiar. 

She released her hold on the boy and watched him try to scramble his way out of the cells. Mortals always seemed to have that reaction. Their fight or flight kicked in, trying to make sense of the location they were forced into, before finally realizing the fight was for nothing. They will leave once she gets the answers she’s seeking. 

And yet, the boy wasn’t providing those answers. She watched him endure the torture despite the pain it brought him. She watched him fighting back tears, denying pain until it couldn’t be denied anymore, and yet still the answers remained behind clenched teeth.  

“Again.” 

Her voice was strong as she stared at the bleeding, frightened human before her. She refused to accept that she had reached another dead end. She clung to her quest with sharp claws, and she refused to release her grip for even a second. She was a vengeful angel, a flame with no mercy in sight, and all would endure the burning until she felt satisfied. 

Her eyes flicked upwards to meet Abaddon’s, but she didn’t turn away. She didn’t care if the demon saw the hurt in her eyes or the flash of desperation that would spill out every time a mortal came to her with no answers. Maybe the demon had the same look when they got tossed out of god’s favor. Arael didn’t ask. Their relationship wasn’t built on sharing stories or reminiscing over almost forgotten memories. Their relationship was a mutual understanding--- a knife and the being that wields the instrument. 

“Do it again until I say otherwise.” Do it again until I can hold any sort of answers in my hand. Do it again until the ache in my chest disappears for a second.

Arael watched the mortal flinch at Abaddon’s nod with cold, unfazed eyes. The scream that erupted from the boy’s mouth would make others grieve, but it only reminded her of the hollowness inside of her. She felt nothing as she watched the pain on his face. She felt only her own rage trying to crawl out of her chest. Perhaps this is what it meant to be a star. Perhaps this was her destiny all along---- to burn from the inside out until nothing but a hollow shell remained. 

And perhaps she’ll succumb to her destiny, but only after the grieving in her heart is satisfied. She’ll burn up, but she’ll bring the person responsible for her demise with her. 

Extras | 

Inspo tag: https://elidclochan.tumblr.com/tagged/insp%3A-arael

Pinterest board: https://www.pinterest.com/aesthctics/insp-arael/

[echodrops]

Fanon vs. Canon Shigaraki

Belatedly:

This post gained a lot more traction than expected, so quick edit: the “canon” discussed below is only my personal interpretation of canon, and this post is definitely not intended to be a guide for characterizing Shigaraki in every fanfic! Please don’t use this meta to criticize anyone else’s writing, as that was not my intention. Everyone should feel free to create what they enjoy! 

Look y’all, I ain’t one to judge, but I love canon-based fics and sometimes the massive gap between Shigaraki in fanon and Shigaraki in BNHA’s canon just has me going whaaa???

I mean, like...

Fanon Shigaraki: Abhors all human contact. Lurks in his bedroom 24/7. Never speaks to others except to bitch them out. A vampire who will combust upon setting foot outside his lair.

Canon Shigaraki: Seen alone in his bedroom a grand total of one (1) time in the series; the only other time his room is shown, the rest of the entire League is squeezed in there too. Never out of contact with his followers except Dabi who is the real antisocial bitch here. Longest he’s ever been drawn spending time by himself without another major character to keep him company? Two pages. Gets mad... GOES TO THE MALL.

Fanon Shigaraki: Vocabulary consists of 80% “I’ll kill you” and 20% “Fuck off.” 1000% RAGE ALL DAY ERRYDAY. Has no concept of a good mood. Wouldn’t know how to smile if he tried. Either one step from a temper tantrum or one step from murder, there is NO IN BETWEEN BUT THERE IS FREQUENT OVERLAP.

Canon Shigaraki: Demonstrates the development of remarkable restraint, even when Bakugou damages precious “Father”...

Constantly comments on other people’s bad manners all right, this one might be a little hypocritical, but at least we know he knows what proper manners are... Is referred to on multiple occasions as being pleased with the League members’ work, implying they’ve seen him actively happy... Compliments people (even heroes) when they impress him... The second most likely villain to say “Thanks” (behind only Toga)...

Master of both the goofy grin:

And the soft smile:

Fanon Shigaraki: Can’t insult his comrades often enough. Say something nice about another human being? Hard pass. Friends? Quote: “I would rather die.” Only suffers the League because he’s forced to have allies to defeat the heroes; zero emotional attachment to his comrades unless he’s written as sleeping with Dabi and even then half the time this is still true. Would not give a fuck if half of them died except for how it would inconvenience him.

Canon Shigaraki: Is he still manipulating the League members to use their strength to further his own agenda? Oh for sure. BUT AT LEAST HE’S DOING IT POLITELY.

Since the formation of the core “League,” he frequently talks positively about his comrades, even when they’re not around to hear it:

Knows his allies well enough that he can send them out without instructions and still trust that they will act in exactly the League’s best interests:

Expresses concern for the other members’ well-being:

And has zero hesitation about throwing himself into potentially deadly situations to protect the rest of the League:

Fanon Shigaraki: An innocent, traumatized angel who had no choice but to become evil; he definitely wouldn’t be this way if he knew better! Sometimes written as a weakling who needs to be defended from anyone, everyone, the world, and especially All For One. Feeble waif, constantly on the edge of wasting away. Might cry himself to sleep at night. Never Been Touched/Don’t-Touch-Me-I-am-the-NIGHT™.

Canon Shigaraki: Craves violence like candy...

Close combat quirk means he’s always up in other people’s business... Personal space bubbles are for the weak.

Easily capable of controlling the bickering and assuaging the concerns of his team members...

An unmitigated badass who carries on whole conversations while bleeding out from bullet wounds to every limb...

And jumps from speeding vehicles without a moment’s pause. There was literally no reason for him to be on the roof of the truck EXCEPT for it looking badass. This boy is just Extra AF and I won’t hear any arguments to the contrary.

EDIT to add one more because this is also bugging me:

Fanon Shigaraki: Absolutely the worst at adapting to new scenarios. Violently rejects any form of change. Has a comfort zone the size of a wasabi pea and only ever comes out of that comfort zone kicking and screaming, dragged by another major character. Every ounce of character growth will take twelve chapters and a dramatic mental breakdown to overcome.

Canon Shigaraki: (Deliberately) Tied with Midoriya for being the most adaptive character in the series.

Never tries the same strategy twice...

Learns from, consumes, and grows by flexibly incorporating the plans and attitudes of other villains...

Actively and intentionally changes entire facets of his own behavior to further his agenda...

And to motivate his allies... From:

To:

What MAKES Shigaraki so terrifying and effective as a villain is that he is so flexible and capable of change. He demonstrates the ability to admit and learn from his mistakes, to build new plans on the fly, to gain deeper understanding of how other people work (and can be manipulated) and to quickly and easily put everything he learns into action to forward his goals. He’s fascinating in his ability to simply pick up or discard new attitudes to suit his own ends, and his actions continuously call into question what aspects of Shigaraki’s personality/behavior are genuine and which are merely a construct he’s built up deliberately to further his own and All For One’s dreams.

Shigaraki Tomura is incredible at adapting to challenges, can blend in exactly when, where, and as much as he needs to, and is significantly more open to change than virtually any other villain we’ve seen so far in the series.

But I feel like it’s rare to see this side of him in fandom portrayals?

Sure, Shigaraki is still violent, unhinged, quick-tempered, and definitely keeping things secret from the rest of the League to use them to his benefit... But uhhhh...

He’s also become a ferocious defender to his men. His actively antisocial behavior (always exaggerated) has become increasingly reduced in the story--Tomura is virtually always seen in the company of others (contrast Twice and Spinner, who we’re deliberately shown spending time alone, and Dabi, who appears to frequently work without the rest of the League). Shigaraki exhibits a reasonable gamut of emotions, including many of which are not “Go die,” and he shows a positive and grateful attitude towards his comrades (might be fake, but still at least he’s bothering to fake it, unlike Chisaki). He’s also been shown to be a great actor, both in serious scenes and in silly ones, such as his doofy reaction to Uraraka...

In terms of leadership, Tomura has advanced to the point that he’s the one promoting group solidarity, allows and wants others to think of the League as close-knit, and knows his comrades well enough to rely on them in meaningful situations. We’re led to believe he was earnest in his attempts to recruit Bakugou, that Toga has seen him happy on at least a few occasions, and that he’s okay with bringing the rest of the League into what likely qualifies as his home (something none of the other League members have ever done, at least that we’ve seen).

Furthermore, every confrontation he’s been in in the manga can only lead readers to the conclusion that Shigaraki is an absolute beast on the battlefield, easily the League’s strongest and most dangerous player, and more likely to be protecting the other League members than being protected...

So like, I ain’t out here about to criticize anyone else’s portrayals of Shigaraki in their own works, and this isn’t intended to be a guide on how to write or not write Shigaraki in fics, but I do find myself wishing his characterization in fanworks showed the same evolution as his character in the actual story.

Why write level 1 Tomura behavior when my boy is out here grinding his way to 99???

Send me your Shigaraki fic recs fam, I’m dying...

[weaselle]

omg i did it, i’m done -- I build my Cottage Castle in sims4. I just wanted a home with a cool secret passage, but as I built it, it started telling me a story..

A spellcaster and her witch partner run a small business out of their magic workshop. The cold, dark basement is full of wooden crates and clutter, but they are considering fixing it up and moving their bar/study down there so the room next to the master bedroom can be a nursery - they kind of want to start a witchy little family.

What they don’t know is a coven of vampires is living in their home with them!

The 4 vampires live in a whole second house hidden in the witches’ home, rooms tucked between walls and in attic crawl spaces, all connected via a network of secret doors and passages. These secret doors give the vampires access to the whole house, exiting doorways from the back of chimneys and hidden under stairways.

Both families partake of arcane worship in the mystic grotto recessed in the back of the house -- wooden beams and brick steps  guarded by kneeling fey statues and lit by candles lead down to a pool of water surrounded by cathedral-tall, ivy-covered stone walls topped by an ornate glass roof. The walls drip with flowers and are adorned with gargoyles. In the center of the pool is a tiny island, on which, nestled in lush vegetarian, is the statue of some midnight goddess of ages past...

The spellcaster and her witch partner love gardening, and the color green. The vampires love black and red, and are, like, a rock band. Violin, guitar, and the keyboardist who plays the organ in the basement is responsible for the haunting music in the spellcaster’s dreams -- she swears sometimes she can still hear it when she’s awake

Anyway, as I built it, the story elements came to life, and I had to keep building the house out to suit it. The result is one of the coolest concepts I’ve built yet. Hiding a house like a web inside another house was a super fun challenge.

Cottage Castle, a story of two families, pics below the cut

(oh man, the stonework on the ground was its own project, getting the right mix of flagstone and overgrowth, making sure to leave the stone most evident along paths people would walk and wear away any growth, with the stone fading under green and finally erupting into wildflowers in the corners and under trees... I probably put too much thought into these things)

It’s tucked in so close to the back of the stairs I couldn’t get the camera on it, but there’s a door back there set into the back of the stairs. I put one black stone floor tile so that it continues the line on the floor in the corner as a little optical illusion 

this is it from above, an entrance into vampire territory

There’s a lot more, I didn’t even show the master bedroom or the magic workshop or anything, I just wanted to show some of the secret doors and things

One last full shot - also the chimney along the side is a system of ladders from the basement to the attic :P There’s really two different fireplaces along it, too, so the placement makes sense 

[stillness-in-green]

Changeling: The League (3/3)

Bonus Miscellanea!  A sampler round of various other villains and some AU-of-the-AU versions of the story and characters, including some alternate takes on characters using other game lines from the World of Darkness.  

This post is the last one I have in mind for the concept, but I hope everyone who was curious enough to read them enjoyed them.  There’s some fun stuff in this post in particular, I think--the Word of Darkness really is a very versatile setting.  Find the explanations and the League of Villains here, the follow-up with the Meta Liberation Army here, or just hit the jump for the bonus material.

THE MINIONS

All for One’s direct loyalists and followers.  All are dual-kithed or otherwise eyebrow-raising in kith/seeming combination, and all have a high enough Wyrd that their kith abilities are starting to evolve--serving AFO does have its benefits.  With AFO imprisoned back in Faerie and the cycle stalled out, AFO’s followers are finding themselves facing an unclear future, and so each is having to come up with what they want to do going forward.  Mostly want Tomura to come back and get things moving again, having little sense that there is a world out there that’s more “real” than the one they currently inhabit.

Kurogiri

Type: Palewraith Darkling, Chatelaine dual kith.  Once a caretaker for Tomura, he opts to find Tomura out in the real world in hopes of resuming that directive.  When Tomura does not show even a shred of recognition, Kurogiri opts to set up a bar in the local Hedge, making himself “available.”  

Mantle: Winter, season of secrecy.  Has a servant’s circumspectness with a loyalist’s desire to keep his secrets, as well as a deep, very old melancholy that even he doesn’t really remember the reason for anymore.  

Contracts: Fleeting Winter I, Sorrow-Frozen Winter I-III, Dream I-V, and Smoke I-IV.  For Smoke, he has the old 4-dot Smoke-stepping clause rather than the more modern Murkblur, which is something of a tell regarding his true age.

 Ujiko

Type: Chirurgeon Darkling, which shouldn’t actually be possible by the categorizations as the fae understand them.  He’s been in AFO’s hands for a long time, though.  Current fear: what’s going to happen to the realm if the cycle continues to stall?  Gears can only grind against one another for so long before something explodes!

Mantle: Autumn.  A mad scientist with a deep appreciation for breaking things open to find out how they tick.

Contracts: Artifice I-III, Shade & Spirit I-IV, Spellbound Autumn I-III, and Goblin Delayed Harm III.

 Gigantomachia

Type: Stonebones Elemental, Gargantuan dual kith.  AFO’s most loyal monster.  Would have tried to find Shigaraki sooner, but he’s far too removed from the human he once was to be able to find his way through the Hedge without aid.  Probably spends the first few parts of the story giving All Might trouble in Faerie.  

Mantle: Courtless.  Has no emotional affinities that don’t track back to All for One.  

Contracts: Oath & Punishment I-V, Communion (Earth) I-III, and Stone I-V.  Like Geten, a close replica of his canonical powerset.

OTHER VILLAINS 

Muscular: Bloodbrute Ogre.  Ex-gladiator; current terror.

Moonfish: Gristlegrinder Ogre.  Current cannibal; also current terror.

Mustard: Blightbent Elemental.  Looks cuter because he doesn’t have to wear the gas-mask to protect against his own fumes.

Stain: Razorhand Darkling, give or take a Pischacha dual kith.  Broken very deeply by Arcadia from the strict and upright man he once was, but Lost society was pretty much created to provide a safe haven for that kind of damage.  A Summer Court enforcer of some notoriety.  

Gentle Criminal: Windwing Beast.  Refuses to be ground-bound, and is posting videos of himself doing impossible stunts that are drawing some attention, for better or for worse.   

La Brava: Drudge Wizened.  Falls in love with Gentle for showing her that you don’t have to shrink into what other people tried to make of you.  Has absolutely dyed her hair bright pink.  Somehow amazing at stealth anyway.

Gag Inclusion That Makes No Sense With the Lore But Is Perfect Anyway So I’m Not Changing It: 

Overhaul: “Don’t be ridiculous.  There’s no such thing as magic.”  

A banality-riddled Dauntain, from the previous incarnation of the game.  This is how Magne survives--he doesn’t kill her, but rather nukes her glamour reserves/Wyrd score access so badly she has to spend the next three months in the motley’s Hollow living in as much fae decadence as they can afford her, dining on hedgefruit, pampering herself, and keeping up with her various dream pledges while she recovers.

ALTERNATE UNIVERSES, ALTERNATE TAKES  

Hero Court, Villain Court: There is a version of the story where Heroes and Villains are old labels from a time when the freehold was built around a now-collapsed Sun Court/Moon Court dichotomy, headed up by All Might and All for One.  In the days following the catastrophic last battle, changelings of the Hero Court and the Villain Court alike have begun picking up the pieces and realigned to what everyone hopes will be a more stable Seasonal Court model.  Endeavor is the Summer King, a changeling who somehow had four three children when it’s all but unheard of to have even one.

Final Boss Shigaraki: There is a version of the story that centers on Deku, and in that version, what Shigaraki learns is this: everyone and everything has an end waiting for them somewhere.  As the game story progresses through power creep and mounting stakes, dramatic revelations and shifting priorities, Shigaraki moves away from Autumn and becomes more attuned to the fatalistic but liberating philosophy of Dusk.  As such, he gains the Entropy Contract clauses, I-V.  In this fashion, Shigaraki is paralleled by Final Battle Deku, rising champion of the Dawn, who is likewise gaining mastery of the Contract of Shonen Protag Powers Potential.  Will they be enemies in the end?  Allies?  Either way, their fates are connected.

Changeling All for One: There is a version of the story in which All Might and All for One are both changelings, in which the entirety of My Hero Academia is a story being played out in some far realm of Faerie.  All for One here is not Shigaraki’s Keeper, but merely a mentor who, when expy!Kamino happens, takes the opportunity to get Shigaraki out, knowing that he himself has been gone from the world for far too long to ever make the return trip through the Thorns intact.  In this version, All Might is an unknowing Loyalist who follows Shigaraki out, determined to capture him “for the good of society”--which would, of course, entail dragging him back to Faerie.

Destro the Revolutionary: There is a version of the story in which Desto is not one of the Gentry, but rather a changeling from years past, one who was spearheading a huge movement advocating that the Lost should reveal themselves to human society writ large--that Faerie predation could never be stopped as long as humanity didn’t know about it, and changelings had the power to, well, change that.   And weren't they tired of living in hiding; didn't they wish they could tell their loved ones the truth?  And that was a message that a lot of changelings liked, but it was also a message that terrified changelings in equal measure, and so in the end, an operative/operation from the Seasonal Court freehold put Destro down.  

In that take, Re-Destro is a successor to Destro as someone who came out of a similar durance and the MLA is a group planning a retributive war against the Seasonal Courts for their perfidy.  Shigaraki and the League could either stumble across the plot or be actively approached as a potentially sympathetic party after Shigaraki's relationship to AFO comes out and endangers his position in his own freehold.  

Re-Destro the Prince: There is a version of the story in which Re-Destro is not a changeling at all, but rather a vampiric prince, heir to a forbidden blood discipline.  He and his followers catch wind of the League motley: not vampires, but not normal humans, either.  They seek the motley out to find out what their deal is and whether it will be a complication to the MLA’s plans.  Vampires are far more immediately dangerous than changelings, but changelings have so many wonderful little tricks up their sleeve, especially against people who are careless with their battle banter.  (But I’ll be real, I hardly know a thing about Vampire: The Requiem--I’m much more familiar with Masquerade.  This version of the story mostly exists because I’m a Shigaraki/Re-Destro shipper and I am not immune to adventures in sexy blooddrinking.) 

THE WIDE WORLD OF DARKNESS

There are many other spins one could put on various MHA characters that would be fun to explore.  I kept all the relevant characters fae (or Fae) because if I started thinking about all the things the characters could be, I would actually never stop--and anyway, I’m more familiar with Old World of Darkness meta than I am New World of Darkness.  A lot of the ideas were still fun, though, so for your perusal, here are some of the ones I came up with:

The Shie Hassaikai is an extremist Hunter cell dedicated to weeding out supernatural creatures of all sorts.

Ujiko is a wildly amoral retired Hunter running a mad scientist lab funded by dubiously sourced money from his fae patron, as long as he’s spending a requisite amount of time per month working on AFO’s projects.

There exists a Sin-Eater and his resident Geist who have become so tangled in each other that they no longer retain separate identities, and are now merely “Kurogiri.”  

Kurogiri is a changeling.  Yamada Hizashi is a Sin Eater.  Aizawa Shouta is a Hunter, and he and Hizashi both are trying to dig up information on what happened to Shirakumo Oboro, but neither one of them is anywhere near getting at the truth of the matter.  (This one might actually be true for the purposes of the main Changeling!AU story.)

Midoriya Izuru is a mortal taking his first, faltering steps into the great wide world.  He’s had no durance, no first change, no sire, no awakening--he’s just a young man who stumbles across a secret and has to decide what to do with it.

[adriannaelle]

Treehouse and Chill

The Simpsons reached another milestone this year with the recent airing of its thirtieth “Treehouse of Horror” special which, coincidentally, is the show’s 666th episode. While certainly not the best installment of this annual series, “Treehouse of Horror XXX” was pretty funny. Still, even the funniest jokes in this episode pale in comparison to some of the classic “Treehouse of Horror” specials. To this day, iconic segments such as “The Shinning”, “The Devil and Homer Simpson”, “Nightmare Cafeteria”, and “Citizen Kang” are still hard to top.

So, in honor of Halloween, thirty years of scary tales, and 90’s nostalgia, I want to briefly discuss my favorite five episodes of the Treehouse of Horror series. As always, ranking articles like these are subjective and are based on personal taste. Therefore, I don’t care if you nor yo’ mama thinks “Treehouse of Horror III” was trash. It’s still going on this list!

Alright, let us continue.

Honorable Mentions: “Treehouse of Horror II”, “Treehouse of Horror VIII”, and “Treehouse of Horror X”

Number Five: “Treehouse of Horror VII” (Season 8, Episode 1; 1996)

Although “The Thing and I” was a strong first segment, I enjoyed it least in “Treehouse of Horror VII”. Don’t get me wrong, I thought the story was pretty funny, I just like the second and third stories better. However, I do have a bone to pick with the ending of “The Thing and I”. Instead of confining Bart to the attic, why not keep both Hugo and Bart around after they discovered Bart was the evil twin? I mean, the family already lived with Bart for 10 years. They might as well kept the mistake going.

“The Genesis Tub” was amusing.  It may be the creative in me, but I really enjoy the concept of creating your own world and overseeing it.  Still, I felt the ending of “The Genesis Tub” was a bit abrupt.  I feel like the writers could have done so much more with the concept of Lisa creating and ruling her own Universe. Maybe she could have assaulted Bart with more fighter pilots. Maybe she could have built a massive ray gun a la the ray gun seen in “Citizen Kang”.  The ideas are limitless.

Speaking of “Citizen Kang”, this story is one of my favorites in the entire Treehouse of Horror series.  It's a brilliant satirical take on elections in the United States and the country’s politicians.  I especially like how the writers make fun of our ridiculous two-party system.  Like really, are our only choices between a drooling, Gangreen Gang, cyclops squid, and his twin sister?  Ross Perot should have brought up Kang’s and Kodos’ emails.  That always works.

Number Four: “Treehouse of Horror III” (Season 4, Episode 5; 1992)

Akin to my feelings about “Treehouse of Horror VII”, I’m only a big fan of two of the three segments in “Treehouse of Horror III”.  “King Homer” was just a’ight to me. Granted, the segment did have a great exchange between Mr. Smithers and Mr. Burns about the former’s distaste of seamen and women mixing.  Yet overall, I didn’t get a kick out of this story as much as I did the other two.

“Clown Without Pity” is a parody of the lauded Twilight Zone episode “Living Doll”.  This segment had its share of funny jokes, particularly the line from Patty about losing the remaining thread of her heterosexuality after seeing Homer horrifically run through the house butt naked.  I also like how the key to turning off the Krusty doll’s murderous rage, is switching the lever from “evil” to “good”.  Like, what happens if the lever accidentally switches back?  What if it breaks and he gets stuck on “evil”?  Take the doll back and get a refund!  Like, what are y’all doing?!

Finally, there is “Dial ‘Z’ for Zombie”.  No matter how self-aware I am about the absurdity of my kinemortophobia (fear of zombies), I still have it.  That is why I hated this segment as a child.  But as a grown woman, I find this story very funny.  It’s a pretty simple zombie story, but the jokes strewn throughout are what make it a highlight of the series.  The joke about Homer being immune to the zombies because he lacks brains is one that stands out in particular.  Also, what are George Washington, Albert Einstein, and William Shakespeare even doing in Springfield?

Number Three: “Treehouse of Horror IV” (Season 5, Episode 5; 1993)

Choosing between “Treehouse of Horror IV” and “Treehouse of Horror V” as my second favorite episode of the series was the hardest.  Ultimately, I prefer V ever so slightly over IV, but IV is a heavyweight in its own right.  “The Devil and Homer Simpson” shows just how far our dimwitted protagonist is willing to go to get his favorite, sugary snack.  You got to be desperate as all hell to sell your soul for a donut!  Other than Homer’s enjoyment of his ironic punishment, the best part of the segment is the trial itself.  The Devil’s voir dire game is trash.  How do you select the jury and still lose the case?  Never hire this man for anything.

“Terror at 5 ½ Feet” is yet another hilarious spin on an old Twilight Zone classic. This parody of “Nightmare at 20,000 Feet” stays true to the basic horror elements and story structure as the original tale, but, of course, adds its own Simpsons brand of humor to it. However, unlike the original, Bart is still tormented by the gremlin after he’s hauled off to the psych ward.  Side note, Ned Flanders really took a lot of L’s in this episode.

I’ve never seen nor read the original Dracula, so I do not know how faithful “Bart Simpson’s Dracula” is to the original story.  Well, I guess that doesn’t really matter here because this story is so funny and scary that it holds your attention from beginning to end.  From the super happy fun slide that leads to the vampires in the basement to Homer staking Mr. Burns (Burnscula?) in the crotch, this story provides many laughs that make this story a classic.  Also, the plot twist that Marge (Margecula?) is really the head vampire is funny as hell.  Sorry if that was a spoiler but in fairness, this episode is 26 years old now.

Number Two: “Treehouse of Horror V” (Season 6, Episode 6; 1994)

“Treehouse of Horror V” is solid from beginning to end.  “The Shinning” is firmly in my top five list of favorite Treehouse of Horror segments.  This segment has several hilarious moments, from Homer taking three days to make the voyage to the cabin due to his forgetfulness to the blood not getting off at the right floor, to that scene where the complete lack of television and beer made Homer go . . . something . . . hmm.  Well, anyway, I can definitely say that every time I watch “The Shinning”, I’m feelin’ fine.

“The Shinning” is not the only highlight of this episode.  Homer’s time-traveling escapade in “Time and Punishment” introduced us to numerous interesting alternative timelines that ultimately drove Homer to a pure state of “IDGAF” at the end.  Still sucks that he missed out on that donut rain.  That timeline would have smacked!  

This episode’s final segment, “Nightmare Cafeteria”, truly is the stuff of nightmares. I mean, it’s super funny now that I’m grown, but this segment used to legitimately scare me as a child.  It also didn’t help that I was a fat kid.  Like, imagine living your best life and then the next moment, you’re Ms. Wilson’s Fried Adri.  Woo, chile.

Number One: “Treehouse of Horror” (Season 2, Episode 3; 1990)

It’s often said that nothing beats the original, and in the case of Treehouse of Horror episodes, this sentiment rings true.  The very first Treehouse of Horror is the greatest episode of the series.  One of the highlights of this episode is the dulcet baritone of James Earl Jones as the mover, Serak the Preparer, and the narrator of “The Raven”.

The first segment “Bad Dream House” is a comedic spin on the classic haunted house movie trope.  The quintessential 80s style horror music that accompanies the story throughout greatly adds to the mood of the piece without overdoing it.  The conclusion of “Bad Dream House” is what makes this story so funny.  The house destroys itself rather than live with the Simpsons. I don’t know what it feels like to be curved by a house, but it must make you feel all kinds of insecure.  

“Hungry Are the Damned” is our first introduction to Treehouse staples Kang and Kodos.  It is also our introduction to the sorely missed Serak the Preparer, who definitely needs to return at least once in this series.  This segment parodies the classic Twilight Zone episode “To Serve Man” and gives us a humorous plot twist at the end.  I suppose this episode also serves as a sort of origin story of Kang’s and Kodos’ beef with mankind because this is the only episode where they are genuinely nice.  Dang, all Lisa had to do was sit down and eat her food. Literally.

Finally, there is “The Raven”, which is absolutely my favorite segment in any Treehouse of Horror Episode.  What I like most about “The Raven” is how the crew manages to add comedy to the piece without losing any of the mystique of Edgar Allen Poe’s riveting poetry.  It also made this poem a bit easier to understand, which I greatly appreciate.  It’s a refined piece of television without the pompousness of the bourgeois.  In short, I like it. 

Honestly, no matter which of the thirty Treehouse of Horror episodes you like best, all are great for watching on Halloween for squeamish, easy-to-scare people like me.  So for those of us who aren’t bravely equipped to watch the more realistic, gory, and scary productions, I highly recommend binge-watching these episodes for some softer scary vibes and lots of laughs.

[myfandomrambles]

C-PTSD & BPD DOctor

(Doctor Character Study part 3c)

An analysis of The Doctor as having Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) along with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

If you read my ADHD & Autistic doctor posts you will notice some symptom overlap mostly with impulsivity. I chose to put C-PTSD and BPD as one post because symptom overlap is strong, and the disorders are highly comorbid.

11th Doctor:

The Eleventh Doctor is a character that is the perfect representation of instability. He oscillates from generally childish, a cold force of nature and a chaotic man broken from anger and grief. It’s a compelling characterization because it gives some unpredictability in a show that can be formulaic. This doctor also is driven by a fear of abandonment and lack of attachment, probably because everyone Ten came to care for left him or got left behind him, this is shown in the 0 to 100-way Eleven acts within relationships. He is very alien and doesn’t do much to try and blend in a normal sense but does to cover up why he does thing still aching for acceptance. 

Eleven has the common Doctor trait of just running so nothing can touch you and avoid staying still in a very extreme state for much of the run, up until he has no other choice. It's a large part of the character’s arc stopping long enough to make a difference. 

Lack a sense of internal identity/stable self-image and he uses the idea of The Doctor as a mask (TV: Eleventh Hour, TV: Victory of The Daleks, TV: The Wedding of River Song, TV: Dinosaurs on A Spaceship). The Doctor references this phenomenon “Look, three options. One, I let the Star Whale continue in unendurable agony for hundreds more years. Two, I kill everyone on this ship. Three, I murder a beautiful, innocent creature as painlessly as I can. And then I find a new name because I won't be The Doctor any more.”(TV: The Beast Below)

When introducing himself to Craige Eleven says;“ I'm The Doctor. Well, they call me The Doctor. I don't know why. I call me The Doctor, too. Still don't know why.” we know that there are reasons, like his promise that he chooses to use this title Eleven feels a disconnection from the word (TV: The Lodger) Being The Doctor is built on being that hero (TV: The God Complex)

The construction of the identity is remarked upon in TV: The Day of The Doctor, The Doctor itself is a construct they try and hold themselves to, the name is a “promise” a way they want to be. That promise was “Never cruel or cowardly. Never give up, never give in.” 

Connects his identity and emotions to inanimate objects like his Bow Tie, Fez, and Sonic (TV: The Eleventh Hour, TV: The Hungry Earth, TV: The Snowmen, TV: The Rings of Akhaten, & TV: Hide)

Eleven also changes his affect and personality around other for example River. Amy points this out saying “You're letting people call you sir. You never do that.” (TV: Time of Angels) 

The Doctor hates himself to a large degree even when talking himself up periodically. His self-concept often comes as a very powerful view of a god-like entity. This view is based on actual action and the way others see him, it can cause a huge dissonance and adds to his feelings of responsibility to everyone. (TV: The Eleventh Hour, TV: The Pandorica Opens/The Big Bang, TV: Day of the Moon, TV: The Wedding of River Song, TV: The Time of The Doctor & TV: The Day of The Doctor)

When Eleven, Amy and Rory get the psychic pollen in their brains The Doctor comments on the “dream Lord’; “No, no. No. Sorry, wasn't it obvious? The Dream Lord was me. Psychic pollen. It’s a mind parasite. It feeds on everything dark in you, gives it a voice, turns it against you. I'm nine hundred and seven. It had a lot to go on.” Amy is disturbed by this idea because the dream lord was both the villain of the dream and openly insulted Eleven like saying “If you had any more tawdry quirks you could open up a Tawdry Quirk Shop. The madcap vehicle, the cockamamie hair, the clothes designed by a first-year fashion student. I'm surprised you haven't got a little purple space dog just to ram home what an intergalactic wag you are. Where was I?” (TV: Amy’s Choice). 

In TV: A Good Man Goes to War Eleven explicitly states he does not believe he is a good man. Eleven literally says “Oh no, no, no, no, no. Give me someone I like.” referring to when the TARDIS offers a holo doctor as the voice interface. This shows he does not have a positive opinion of himself. 

In TV: The God Complex Eleven speaks the Minotaurs last words “An ancient creature, drenched in the blood of the innocent, drifting in space through an endless, shifting maze. For such a creature, death would be a gift. Then accept it, and sleep well. I wasn't talking about myself.” Eleven doesn’t seem to disagree, is caught off guard but seems to hit home. While Eleven doesn’t actively want to die and does try and live, but we can see that there are times when this does fail. He does view himself as broken down.  

 The Doctor’s rules are used as a kind of system of maintaining the idea of the ‘Doctor’ and a way of coping with the wrongs he has done, and a shorthand of communication (TV: The Hungry Earth/Cold Blood, &TV: Let’s Kill Hitler) These rules are also used in his own mind to try and give moral guidelines as part of this identity maintenance and to try and not hurt others. We see this in the comment Eleven makes “Good men don't need rules. Today is not the day to find out why I have so many.” (TV: A Good Man Goes to War)

The Doctor has a lot of guilt in his life, he is willing to let himself die for others, his imposed isolation and his rules all reflect this. (TV: Amy’s Choice, Minisode: Night and The Doctor, TV: A Good Man Goes To War, Prequel to Let's Kill Hitler, TV: Let’s Kill Hitler, TV: The Girl Who Waited, TV: The God Complex, & TV: The Power of Three, TV: The Name of The Doctor, TV: The Time of The Doctor, & TV: The Day of The Doctor) We see this really explicitly when he has the chance to find more time lords in TV: The Doctor's Wife and Amy reminds him what they thought he did to the others. 

Eleven says “I can explain. Tell them why I had to.” Amy then says “You want to be forgiven.” The Doctor then replies, “Don't we all?”. In that same story, Eleven says “Another Ood I failed to save.” when the Ood dies, referencing his history of letting Ood die in fights like in TV: The Satan Pit. 

After seeing the effect his story has had on those around him and the way it hurt people he cares about we see him delete himself from history out of guilt. (Home Video: The Inforarium, TV: Asylum of The Daleks and TV: Dinosaurs on a Spaceship, TV: The Angels Take Manhattan, & TV: The Nightmare in Silver).

Guilt often leads to him raining in his outward shows of strength to not invoke more guilt or memories of things like his believed use of the moment. However, it’s not always the case when Karlah-Jax triggers his trauma the guilt manifests in hurting others. The Doctor justifies his actions with a combination of trauma-based guilt and his moral system saying: “But they keep coming back, don't you see? Every time I negotiate, I try to understand. Well, not today. No. Today, I honour the victims first. His, the Master's, the Dalek's, all the people who died because of my mercy!” (TV: A Town Called Mercy) 

In TV: The Day of The Doctor we see how guilt is a huge diver of most of what they do throughout the show. Even to the point, the War Doctor wonders if without the guilt he would even become the same man that 10 and 11 are. However, it is important to note that using the moment isn’t the only guilt The Doctor carries. What he did to his companions is another one. Guilt and responsibility also drive a lot of the behaviour in TV: The Time of The Doctor. 

Eleven has extreme difficulties with handling his impulsive behaviours (TV: The Eleventh Hour, TV: Time of Angels/Flesh and Stone, TV: The Beast Below, TV: The Vampires of Venice, TV: Vincent and The Doctor, TV: The Curse of The Black Spot, TV: The Lodger, TV: The Doctor's Wife, Minisode: Space/Time. TV:Asylum of The Daleks, TV: Dinosaurs on A Spaceship, TV: A Town Called Mercy, TV: The Power of Three, TV: The Angels Take Manhattan, TV: The Rings of Akhaten, TV: Hide, TV: Journey To The Centre of The TARDIS, TV: The Name of The Doctor, & TV: The Day of The Doctor) His mind and thoughts get so ahead of himself he’ll do dumb things like baiting the armed people in the white house to shoot at him (TV: The Impossible Astronaut).

The Doctor has obsessive thoughts and behaviors connected with the impulse control and preoccupation with trauma (TV: Vincent and the Doctor,TV: The Wedding of River Song, TV: Closing Time, TV: The Power of Three, TV: The Rings of Akhaten, TV: journey to the center of the TARDIS & TV: The Time of The Doctor).

 Puts himself in deadly and dangerous situations. Often a combination of hero complex and a lack of regard for his own well being in dangerous moments. (TV: Victory of Daleks, TV: The Big Bang, TV: Let’s Kill Hitler, TV: The Angels Take Manhattan, TV: Hide, & TV: Journey To The Center of The TARDIS)

This behaviour can become almost suicidal in nature taunting and getting to close other enemies. In TV: Flesh and Stone he puts himself in more danger than necessary. One of his plans amounts to suicidal actions. We can see similar actions in TV: The Rings of Akhaten, TV: Nightmare in Silver and TV: Cold War where he is willing to kill everyone to save others. 

After seeing The Doctor die Amy, River and Rory discuss what the next thing they should do is. We get this dialogue: 

Rory: “We're not all going to arrange our own wake and invite ourselves. So, The Doctor, in the future, knowing he's going to die, recruits his younger self and all of us to, to what, exactly? Avenge him?” 

River: Uh-huh. Avenging's not his style. 

Amy: Save him. 

Rory: Yeah, that's not really his style either.” 

In this conversation, we see that they recognize that Eleven one doesn’t want his friends to act violently, and Rory also recognizes that The Doctor is willing to die for, whatever the astronaut was about. (TV: The Impossible Astronaut)

Has very strong and reactive emotional states. The emotional reactions are shown very visibly in his face, voice and actions. (TV: The Eleventh Hour, TV: The Victory of The Daleks, TV: The Time of Angels/Flesh and Stone, TV: The Beast Below, Minisode: Space/Time, TV: The Doctor's Wife, TV: A Good Man Goes To War, TV: Let’s Kill Hitler, TV: The God Complex, TV: Asylum of The Daleks, TV: Dinosaurs on a Spaceship, TV: The Power of Three, TV: The Angels Take Manhattan, & TV: Journey To The Center of The TARDIS ) We also often see extreme rapid cycling emotions and affect (TV: Amy’s Choice, TV: The Pandorica Opens, The Rebel Flesh / The Almost People, TV: Closing Time, TV: The Doctor's Wife, & TV: The Rings of Akhaten)

We see an example of this when Eleven is talking his effect going from slightly annoyed, excited and falls down to tired and then cold derision all in one paragraph length of speech “Home. Well, you two are. Off you pop and make babies. And you, Doctor Song, back to prison. And me? I'm late for a biplane lesson in 1911. Or it could be knitting. Knitting or biplanes. One or the other. What? A mysterious summons. You think I'm just going to go? Who sent those messages? I know you know. I can see it in your face. Don't play games with me. Don't ever, ever think you're capable of that.” (TV: The Impossible Astronaut)

In TV: The Doctor's Wife we see an expression of cold and extreme anger. He slips in an expression of cruelty in the way he talks to the people who live on House threatening them and telling them to run. Ith the TARDIS they kill the house with only callous anger and disregard. We see a similar show TV: Dinosaurs on A Spaceship when his anger at the lack of morality that Solomon shows and his treatment of the Silurians and Nefertiti he kills the man to save the others. He does this showing very little regret a combination of severe anger and his ability to shut down and dissociate from his emotions. 

Another act of his anger common out in an act of manipulative violence is the TV: The Bells of Saint John by using the Base station to threaten to bring down and scare people into action and ends up using it. 

An extreme example of how strongly his anger can run is seen when he learns of the actions of Kahler-Jex. He comes back angry at the lies and feeling deeply upset at the lies. It escalates with Jax telling The Doctor he doesn’t understand when The Doctor absolutely understand what position Jax was in. All of this peaks and when Kahler-Jex references The Doctor’s own trauma and actions in his history of not only the Time War but the other actions he’s had to take, along with the all the death he blames on his inactions as well. It pushes him to the edge of violence yelling and acting out physically. However, unlike other examples of The Doctor being willing to hurt others to protect something and/or someone he loves this time it’s out of a trigger to the past, he loses control of the anger he feels. 

Jax “You wouldn’t” 

The Doctor replies “I Genuinely don’t know.” 

This shows that being so disconnected to the emotions his trauma brings makes this scene confuse him. (TV: A Town Called Mercy)

After Amy is captured Eleven shuts down his emotions, a strong emptiness comes over him which is different from Rory who has a level of desperation and love for Amy. 

Rory says “Amy, can you hear me? We're coming for you. Wherever you are, we're coming, I swear.” 

The Doctor answers; “She can't hear you. I'm so sorry. It's one way.”  

Rory replies “She can always hear me, Doctor. Always. Wherever she is, and she always knows that I am coming for her. Do you understand me? Always.” 

(TV: The Day of The Moon)

The Emotional shutdown can even form a block in his empathy, much like rage he sometimes swings the other way trying to not feel, TV: The Snowmen, but being unable to manage these he often starts lashing out to others by trying to act on feelings. 

In TV: A Good Man Goes To War when Vastra points out he is seen as a weapon his emotions go from sadness to an episode of dissociation. We can see this as he loses the ability to register what the others are saying and has to be brought out of it. A similar event can be seen after an anger outburst and discussions truly close to his traumatic history his friends have with Kahler-Jax. Eleven goes almost blank facially and folds into himself emotional;y and physically. He isolates himself by stepping away and he completely loses the thread of the events around him. We see this when he says “Hmm? Yes. I don't know. Whatever Amy said.” It also melds with his wildly changing emotions as he flies into anger right after this. (TV: A Town Called Mercy). We also see dissociation in TV: The Girl Who Waited, The Time of Angels / Flesh and Stone & TV: The Snowmen)

We can see a physical manifestation in the way The Doctor physically acts as well. When he experiences dissociation and/or emotional shutdowns he curled into himself. (TV: The Day of The Moon, TV:The Girl Who Waited, TV: A Town Called Mercy, TV: The Angels Take Manhattan, TV: The Snowmen, & TV: Journey to The Center of The TARDIS ). 

We can see another physical manifestation of the disconnection he feels from himself and the dissociation he has with his table identity when he gets dressed without his own knowledge, Seen in this exchange

The Doctors: “No, you didn't, because I don't. Because this isn't the sort of thing I do any more. Next time you're in trouble, don't expect me to” 

(The Doctor is distracted by his reflection in a mirror.) 

Clara “What is it? What's wrong?” 

The Doctor: Sorry, it's just. Didn't know I'd put it on.  

(TV: The Snowmen)

Memory gaps are also seen in TV: Hide when he doesn’t even know what’s in the console room and TV: The Day of The Doctor as he has lost track of his own age and timeline [Not remembering the events with the moment doesn't count] Also seen in TV: The Lodger

His emotions and trauma can bring Eleven to the point of pretty dramatic outbursts. When the Daleks are seen for the first time by Eleven expresses an episode of range attacks the Dalek with a wrench (TV: Victory of The Daleks) Fear and Anger lead to a panic and rage episode including throwing things around and losing focus (TV: Flesh and Stone). We see these trauma, guilt and anger based breakdowns screaming and pushing others away, saying “Nobody talk to me. Nobody human has anything to say to me today!” (TV: The Beast Below). We see a physical breakdown again in TV: The God Complex and TV: The Angels Take Manhattan. 

A trauma-induced Panic Attack can be seen in TV: Asylum of the Daleks. He shows all the physical attributes and calls out for help a very uncharacteristic way of reacting showing a more heightened fear response. After this reminder of his trauma during the war, we see him struggle to return to the normal emotional level struggling to show compassion he normally has for human hurt by the Daleks reacting with rage at the Dalek shell that Oswin is trapped into. And panics again when she starts to move. 

In TV: Nightmare in Silver just seeing a Cyberman he goes into protect mode his easily triggered survival and protective manner. 

The Doctor is a show-off and is very dramatic to project the appearance he wants and hid a lot under it/ (TV: The Eleventh Hour, Minisode: Meanwhile in the TARDIS 2, TV: The Vampires of Venice, TV: The Big Bang, TV: The Doctor The Widow and The Wardrobe, TV: Day of The Moon, TV: The Doctor's Wife, TV: Let’s Kill Hitler, TV: A Christmas Carol, TV: The Wedding of River Song TV: The Asylum of The Daleks, TV: A Town Called Mercy, TV:The Snowmen, TV: The Bells of Saint John,TV: Journey to The Center of The TARDIS, & TV: The Day of The Doctor ). 

Often done to people he wants to like him like Amy, saying: “A forest in a bottle on a spaceship in a maze. Have I impressed you yet, Amy Pond?”(TV: Flesh and Stone) When Eleven finds himself in the oval office he goes on a rant, flaunt his intelligence and sits in the president's chair. Enjoying Putting on a show for his friends as well it works to refocus control and attention to him. (TV: The Impossible Astronaut)

In TV: A Good Man Goes To War we see a huge example of this. It is a combination of the way using confusion and manipulation is The Doctor's signature method of fighting enemies but it also is a way he enjoys getting positive and negative attention. 

Amy Pond is His favourite person and they both have a codependent relationship to a very high degree. Both being a defining part of the others life. Eleven while not really wanting a romantic relationship with Amy still experiences worry around Amy wanting to leave him some jealousy with Rory (TV: The Vampires of Venice) Is deeply protective over Amy even when he does bring in to dangerous situations (TV: The Time of Angels/Flesh and Stone, TV: Victory of The Daleks, TV: Vincent and The Doctor, & TV: The Pandorica Opens). Eleven struggles to attach healthy to others wanting this full 100% or 0% love (TV: The Eleventh Hour. TV: The God Complex, & TV: The Power of Three)

We this complete or zero attachment in action again in TV: The Snowmen with Clara. Going from a lockout of people in general to trying to make her come with him and feeling a deep connection in the matter of a day. Even when he doesn’t trust River Song yet he becomes jealous when she gives attention to others like saying “What? You two engaged or something?” when the father follows her around (TV: Flesh and Stone)

His extreme connection to his companions magnifies his own grief tenfold causing pretty deep reactions when losing his FP in the form of Amy. (TV: The Angels Take Manhattan & The Snowmen). His general problems with attachment magnify grief and loss in general, he struggles to form normal relationships and has deep abandonment issues that we see starting a few doctors back. This is further compounded by his long lifespan meaning he can see the way people are eventually going to lose them. In TV: The Power of Three he explains the way he knows loss is coming and tries to lose it, but when hitting this realization hard on he actually attempts to severe the bond before getting really hurt but that doesn’t work. He then pushes everyone again when the loss does it. (TV: The Snowmen). Clara points out that she is competing with a ghost in TV: The Rings of Akhaten, which while he rebuffs this she was actually right, one because he only picked her up based on a past loss but also because for a very long time the companions are competing with the ghost of past loss as it informs how protective and guilty The Doctor is with everyone. 

This struggle with grief can also be seen in TV: The Time of The Doctor when The Doctor as he sends Clara away to not deal with losing her even though that isn’t what she wants. 

Likes to be in control of everything to feel like he can manage a world that constantly throws pain and disorder. (TV: The Eleventh Hour, TV: The Vampires of Venice, TV: The Hungry Earth/Cold Earth, TV: The Pandorica Opens/The Big Bang, TV: The Power of Three, TV: The Curse of the Black Spot, TV: The Crimson Horror, TV: Nightmare in Silver, TV: Cold War, & TV: The Name of The Doctor) 

Eleven takes control no matter who is around them, up to and including the president of the united states (TV: The Impossible Astronaut/Day of The Moon). There is also often the need to try and protect people, though this often bothers the people as it takes their choice from them. (TV: A Christmas Carol, TV: The Doctor's Wife, TV: The God Complex, TV: Asylum of The Daleks, & TV: Name of The Doctor). 

In Prose: Touched By an Angel Eleven comments that Rory is "disconcertingly full of surprises" when he alters the plans Eleven is trying to work through. In TV: The Snowmen we see another example of his control issues verbalized by Eleven when Clara attempts to lead him saying “No, I do the hand grabbing. That's my job. That's always me!”, a telling example of the way Clara not listening even more than normal throws him off balance. 

In TV: The Time of The Doctor The Doctor takes control of not just the battle but ends up essentially running the entire planet, based on a hero/god complex along with his warranted feeling of responsibility. In TV:Day of The Doctor we see this control and god complex in an extreme form as they feel a responsibility to save the entire universe, it’s also connected to guilt born from trauma The Doctor experienced throughout the time war even before the use of the moment, as the War Doctor feels the same responsibility/god complex. 

Eleven tries to control the entire situation of the adventures and the situations around those he loves. It’s not trying to really hurt them, and often works but he still wants to try and make everything work right. (TV: The God Complex, TV: Asylum of The Daleks, TV: The Crimson Horror)

 We see an example of this also TV: The Rebel Flesh/The Almost People in the way he doesn’t tell people what he’s doing so no one interferes with his plans, even willing to lie to people by omission and right out no telling Amy which doctor is made of Flesh and which is the Time Lord. Similar to this situation in TV: Journey to The Center of The TARDIS The Doctor manipulates the salvage crew withholding information, using intimidation and his superior understanding of the TARDIS to get what he wants so he can save Clara. The Doctor also lies to Clara here and scares her once he does lose that control, the lies and information he had been hiding for long can’t keep in under stress. 

Lacks any ability to trust almost anybody (TV: The Beast Below, TV: The Time of Angels/Flesh and Stone, TV: The Rebel Flesh/The Almost People, & TV: Journey to The Center of The TARDIS). TV: The Impossible Astronaut gives us to rather good examples of this, the person he trusts number one is himself over anyone who has been with him over time. Also when talking to River he says “Trust you? Sure. But, first of all, Doctor Song, just one thing. Who are you? You're someone from my future. Getting that. But who? Okay. Why are you in prison? Who did you kill, hmm? Now, I love a bad girl, me, but trust you? Seriously.” a cruel statement of his trust issues, and acts as a way to push her away and keep at arm's length even when he does enjoy her company. 

The Doctor struggles to understand and communicate ideas and emotions. Forming new relationships are hard for him his ability for healthy attachments in non-existent. We see this with Rory a lot. Rory doesn’t quickly fall in line with The Doctors normal way of functioning. Eleven doesn't have a good ability to communicate their issues. This makes relationships pretty volatile with River, Amy and Clara even when they are what he loves most 

Experiences splitting mostly with River Goes back and forth being very flirty and then pushing River away (TV: Flesh and Stone, TV: A Good Man Goes to War, & TV: The Day of The Moon)

Eleven avoids talking about trauma trying to not remember or discuss it while it also clearly affects everything he does (TV: The Beast Below, TV: The Doctor's Wife, TV: A Good Man Goes To War, TV: Day of The Doctor, TV: The Snowmen, TV: Hide TV: The Name of The Doctor, TV: The Day of The Doctor & The Time of The Doctor) Distraction used as a coping mechanism (TV: Amy’s Choice, TV: The hungry Earth) When he does talk about it he struggles to then stop (TV: The Rings of Akhaten, TV: The Day of The Doctor).

The Doctor isn’t in touch with his emotions (TV: A Town Called Mercy, TV: The Doctor The Widow and The Wardrobe, TV: The Power of Three, TV: The Angels Take Manhattan, TV: The Snowmen, & TV: The Bells of Saint John). In TV: A Good Man Goes To War he comments “Oh, look, I'm angry. That's new. I'm really not sure what's going to happen now.” However, The Doctor often shows anger to the point of outbursts of violence. This shows a profound disconnect from his own emotional state. 

Eleven like the previous incarnations is deeply lonely and feels like he is alone and disconnected (TV: The Beast Below, TV: The Doctor The Widow and The Wardrobe, TV: The Doctor's Wife, TV: Night Terrors TV: The Bells of Saint John) We see this in his trying to connect with the Krafayis “Well, no harm trying. Listen. Listen! I know you can understand me, even though I know you won't understand why you can understand me. I also know that no one's talked to you for a pretty long stretch, but please, listen. I also don't belong on this planet. I also am alone. If you trust me, I'm sure we can come to some kind of, you know, understanding. And then, and then, who knows?” (TV: Vincent and The Doctor) 

The most extreme example of this is of course seen in TV: The Snowmen where for what is implied to be years The Doctor isolates himself from almost everyone and stops trying to help others. 

The Doctor experiences hypervigilance and general hyperarousal symptoms about him always on edge and looking for danger. It also causes him trouble staying still and enjoying any calm (TV: Amy’s Choice, Minisode: Night and The Doctor, TV: The Hungry Earth / Cold Blood, TV: The Lodger, TV: The Impossible Astronaut, TV: Closing Time, TV: Asylum of The Daleks, TV: Dinosaurs on A Spaceship, TV: Closing Time TV: A Town Called Mercy, TV: The Power of Three, TV: The Angels Take Manhattan, TV: The Bells of Saint John, TV: The Rings of Akhaten, & TV Nightmare in Silver)  

We see this in his conversation with Amy Saying; “Oh, lovely. You're a cheery one. Never mind dead, look at this place. Isn't it wrong?” Amy is confused by this “What's wrong?” Elven seems genuinely surprised that she doesn’t see what is happening the way he can “Come on, use your eyes. Notice everything. What's wrong with this picture?” (TV: The Beast Below) 

Even when in a calm environment like a museum The Doctor is on the lookout. When viewing Van Gogh art he stops to investigate danger having noticed it everywhere “Yes. And not a nice face at all. I know evil when I see it and I see it in that window.“ (TV: Vincent and The Doctor)

The Doctor deals with catastrophization (TV: The Beast Below, TV: Vincent and The Doctor, TV: The Curse of The Black Spot & Prequels: Prequel to The Doctor, the Widow and the Wardrobe) The Doctor also struggles to view the world with an active hope more using it an idea to focus his thoughts, it takes extreme emotions to push through that, and not much to bring it all crashing down. (TV: The Doctor The Widow in the Wardrobe, Minisode: Meanwhile in The TARDIS, & TV: The Angels Take Manhattan)

Other people tend to understand and see his erratic behaviour. In TV: The Time of Angles. 

Father Octavian asked River “Doctor Song, I've lost good Clerics today. You trust this man? “ 

She replies “I absolutely trust him.” 

Octavian asks “ He's not some kind of madman, then?” 

All River does is repeat “ I absolutely trust him”. 

A comment on the very noticeable erratic behaviour and presentation of his feelings and dysregulation, his own friends who trust him can’t even pretend he isn’t like that. Clara makes a similar comment in TV: Nightmare in Silver.

Multiple times people who knows him warn against getting to the emotional breaking point. In TV: The Doctor's Wife  Amy says “Don't get emotional because that's when you make a mistake” In TV: Forest of The Dead River warns Ten against it when he generally has a slightly higher boiling point to Eleven to experience full emotional breakdowns. 

Rory finds The Doctor to be dangerous in his ability to be magnetic and the way his own recklessness plays of each other. (TV: The Vampires of Venice)

The Doctor’s interactions with Van Gogh is really interesting we see to a large instance I think he understands what he is going through but trying to use his own coping mechanisms on Van Gogh proves to not be very effective. He tries to make Van Gogh focus on the task at hand, ignore people calling him crazy don’t think about the pain. But of course, this doesn’t work for Van Gogh who has slightly different problems than The Doctor and can’t function on denial. 

We also see his difficulty with communication here talking about his or others feelings being a struggle. He does try and offer kindness with mentioning hope, and then lets Van Gogh he will be remembered kindly a truly kind act. Eleven is also distinctly less surprised than Amy that one kind day can not make someone not struggle with suicidal thoughts, something I think comes from both his knowledge of time travel but personal experience with mental illness. (TV: Vincent and The Doctor)

In TV: Hide we see Emma Grayling being able to read The Doctor because she is an empath, this ability makes her distrustful of The Doctor overall but also works with him because she can tell he does want to save people. Emma warns Clara about the fact the Doctor’s history has left him deeply damaged she says“Don't trust him. There's a sliver of ice in his heart.” 

Professor Alec Palmer also reads The Doctor in this same episode, he can tell the Doctor has seen traumatic events of war and death just like he as. They are similar people and they can see it in each other. 

Eleven has become so used to the chaos and violence that he cannot change and disconnect. Adventure and violence are the only way he knows how to function, also I sort of an addiction to chaos. (Minisode: Night and The Doctor, TV: The Lodger, TV: Amy’s Choice, TV: Dinosaurs On A Spaceship, TV: The Power of Three, & TV: A Town Called Mercy) 

We see The Doctor has a breakdown in being able to enjoy a normal life and things, even some of the less violent of the things in space like stars or general life (Minisode: Meanwhile in the TARDIS 2)

While The Doctor is addicted to violence he has a deep moral problem with the concept of war and hurting other creatures. The Doctor also tries to ensure that other people don’t have to live in the war as he did. It is hypocritical as The Doctor will cause harm for the greater good. However, opposition to war is as much a part of the identity as a moral concept. This hatred of war actually dates back to the early doctors and carried through till this point, now with the layers of trauma and having continuously broken the morals himself. (TV: The Beast Below, TV: The Hungry Earth / Cold Blood, TV: The Rebel Flesh/The Almost People, TV: Dinosaurs on A Spaceship, TV: A Town Called Mercy, & TV: Nightmare in Silver)

Other soldiers and actors of violence can always read this past in The Doctor (TV: Hide, TV: Nightmare in Silver, & TV: The Name of The Doctor). This is seen in TV: Cold War when the other soldiers can see that The Doctor understands the battle, River also comments on this in TV: Let’s kill Hitler as she was taught that he understood “all forms of war.'' He is confronted with the way he’s been acting as a violent force when he learns the Gamma forest uses the doctor as the war for a warrior (TV: A Good Man Goes to War). 

TV: The Day of The Doctor shows us this understanding of battles and violent politics, and how much this is splitting to his character as The War Doctor refuses to even call himself The Doctor. It shows how much he understands about war. This carries into TV: The Time of The Doctor where he can wage a hundred years of war and win. 

Insomnia: (TV: The Lodger, Minisode: Night and The Doctor, TV: The Bells of Saint John)

Disordered eating: (TV: The Eleventh Hour, TV: The Power of Three, TV: The Time of The Doctor)

Eleven is a character built on contradictions bu as highly magnetic as the other doctors. His arc is similar to 9s in being bittersweet, he dies with those he loves having saved people but is also sad because his last days were spent in war when that’s the last thing he wanted to do, they were also tainted by feelings of guilt for his part in what happened. He changes some over time in relation to loss but has less profound shifts than many other New Who doctors. 

[Also Posted on my Archive of Our Own page in a series with the other doctor study posts]

Shout out to @3lianav for requesting/reminding me to get this section up

[moistwithgender]

Anime I think I remember watching this year

I need to keep better track of this I guess.

Aggressive Retsuko: Great! Very likable characters (even the bastards), just the right amount of millennial cynicism. 9/10 Aggressive Retsuko Christmas Special: It's not about Christmas, it's about instagram. It's great and extremely real (watch the series first though). Digimon Adventure tri 1 & 2: This is actually very boring so far. I planned to jump back in with the english dub, which is honestly how I should have been watching it from the beginning. Unfortunately, I haven't gotten around to it. Kado The Right Answer: If this show had not been sabotaged from the inside out in the last 2-3 episodes, this would have probably been up there with classics like Bebop. WEST WING: THE ANIME, we would have called it, or something. I haven't watched West Wing, but it's all bureaucracy, right? 8/10 in this universe, 10/10 in the alternate universe where it didn't shit the bed. Angolmois: I got halfway through this before the low budget and my own exhaustion had me drop it. Unfortunate, since anime never adapts the mongol invasion. Planet With: In the running for series of the year, probably. A super robot show where the ultimate moral is that, actually, rehabilitating your enemies is better than killing them. Will rewatch in the future, I'm sure. 10/10. Asobi Asobase: Hina Kino (Hanako)'s is going to go down as a legendary voice actress if I have any say in anything. Which I do, because I'm in charge of the industry now. Which means we're taking out queerphobic jokes, wrap it up people. 8/10, would rank higher without the bad takes. Cells at Work!: Really fun concept, has *implications* of a deeper narrative to be had built into the worldbuilding, but ultimately the whole season is just "oh I bet this irl thing would translate like this in my setting" on repeat. Still, an easy watch. 7/10. Hanebado!: There's a lot that could be good about this. Themes of toxicity in competitive spaces, overwork, abandonment, and trauma. Ending had a lot of people upset because it either miscommunicated how the protagonist moved past her trauma (best case), or just completely dropped the entire arc because...I don't know why. I rated this 9/10 on myanimelist, but it probably deserves lower. I'm still over here wanting to believe I missed something in my interpretation. Hoping for either a second season or a faster manga translation. My Hero Academia S3: This season had some high points but I felt it was considerably less interesting overall than the second season. However, Deku vs Bakugou was genuinely one of the best moments of the series thus far. My Hero Academia The Movie: Pretty standard shonen series movie for the sake of having one. Nothing groundbreaking here. But hey, I got to listen to "You Say Run" in a theater, which was almost worth the price of admission on its own. 6/10. Ushio & Tora: Both seasons, thirty nine episodes. Waste of my time! Maybe this series was just meant to be consumed bit by bit, but I just found it really shallow in the end. 6/10. Chio's School Road: Another *brilliant* comedy that is ultimately brought down by the occasional queerphobic humor. Get it toGETHER, guys! In any case, I care about these stupid children now, and hope for a season two soon. 8/10. Angels of Death: It took about 14 out of the total 16 episodes before I suddenly stopped hate watching it and started laughing at its unwarranted self seriousness and paradoxical writing. Still, kind of frustrated I stuck with it anyway. 4/10. Night is Young, Walk On Girl: Gorgeous movie that has to be seen, but. I wonder if it's Yuasa or the original writer of these books that insists on the resolution to all conflict being "heterosexuality". 9/10. Haibane Renmei: I got four episodes in before the Funi/Crunchy split happened ;__; it's really good tho Dragon Pilot: Definitely gonna rewatch this one one day too. There is a density of theme and execution here that I cannot yet fully unpack and it's just so good. Also the english dub is good, and is how I preferred to watch it. It also has a lesbian and isn't afraid of her, even if her role is very small. It's something. 9/10, maybe 10/10. Mirai: I fucking love Mamoru Hosoda's films. 9/10. Zombieland Saga: I have the sneaking feeling that they wanted a few more HOT PROGRESSIVE TAKES to be fit in before the season ended, but restraints got in the way. We had a sex worker idol who never got her backstory episode, and actually Tae never got hers either. It's still a 9/10 for me, but I'm hoping for at least a followup OVA. And a movie. Granblue Fantasy: I finished the full season, save for the "omake" episode that I assume takes place in the alternate universe where Protagonist Is Girl. This was somewhat throwaway cozy saturday morning nostalgia for the old days of Final Fantasy before that game series became more grounded in contemporary and sci-fi settings. It was also something I watched as a primer for the incoming Platinum and ArcSys games, because I'm not gonna play two gacha games at the same time. Hilariously, the--like--twenty new characters from the gacha that showed up in the last episode were all more interesting than the cast of the full season. 7/10, 10/10 for having a race of hot girls with horns (there are also guys but who cares). Hi Score Girl: This show is a love letter to growing up with arcades in 90s Japan and also struggling with making friends and ohhh my god every time the idiot main boy stops paying attention to important interpersonal plot and just starts infodumping about a game, I tragically see myself. It's very good, the girls are GOOD GIRLS and deserve better and the writing seems fully aware of that.  The series unfortunately ends on a stock romantic plot beat cliffhanger that I have to wait until March to have ultimately resolved in THREE EPISODES. Despite that, it's easily a 9/10. I list a lot of 9/10s but it's been a good couple seasons and there's just...a lot of range there. Number scores are bullshit. Watch anime. Shin Getter Robo: Probably the last show I'll have finished before the year end. It's my second exposure to Getter Robo (my first was reading Getter Robo Go, which actually takes place after this), and it's still good, but oh god. These guys are dumb bastards but there's a note early in that has aged particularly badly in the MeToo era. Not sure if the show got better because I switched audio tracks to English with VAs I have nostalgia for, or because they broke through the bottom of a lake and wound up in alternate history Heian era Japan, stranded for multiple years. With a giant robot. I liked that part. 8/10. Shows I took a break from due to burnout and need to pick back up: Run with the Wind, Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai, Vento Aureo, SSSS.Gridman, Hinomaruzumou, Ms. Vampire who lives in my neighborhood, As Miss Beelzebub Likes It., Devilman Crybaby, That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime, Skull-face Bookseller Honda-san. SO MANY!!

[glowinggunmetal]

[Faceless- Shifting Embers]

( @the-faceless-ffxiv​ For mention... and then a cut... it’s also a bit long)

Sipping a mug of tea, leaning against the dark walls and recesses of a cramped little room where he has no personal affects and even less to give away who he was, Lucien sat.  The tea was well made - he’d gotten that trick down, finally, long long ago and it’d not left him the more fanatic he’d become about time and meaning and weights and measurements.  He could make a decent cup of tea while mostly dead, half asleep, or drugged.

<When are We not here, deceiving Son? When do We not provide answers? Speak and let Us soothe your fears.>

The alien voice that was everywhere for that brief moment of time when it had answered his barely-breathed question to chat.  And that was terrifying in a baseless way that was hard to understand the root of, to him.  A power and a concept that was foreign, alien... enough to keep him up for bells past when sleep should have called to him, staring musingly at the fireplace he’d stoked to life and mulling.

If the fact that the entity had stopped whispering its questions was a blessing to Lucien - and it was because that was a tick of yet another lie he’d been keeping, like blood and boiling anger that had to remain hidden under skin lest it erupt in fire and fury and agony and hate and those were heady emotions, too dangerous, far far too dangerous - the fact that it listened was sometimes not.  

Everything had remained at a simmer below the very surface ever since the first time It had spoken to him, a cold tease that wormed into thoughts and mind and danced like a column of fire that seemed to be contained and then spread like a blanket, consuming and ravaging and leaving nothing but scattered ash in its wake.

<How many secrets are buried under your skin, We wonder. How long before they slip out? Would they look at you differently? Would you even care? Hands that have built have also destroyed and We have rejoiced in such dichotomy. Come closer and let Us show you what your talents could be used for. Let Us shelter you from the storm. Let Us embrace you as Our own.>  

It sometimes rose like a haunting memory, a sound at the edge of hearing - and the man froze when that happened, recalling the entirety of the hazy not-dream and what he’d done.

Because he’d gone to listen to the Resistance, or whatever name they called themselves.  They had so many - Glass Network wormed into their ranks of afflicted like the disease that they were, Weepers from someone’s comments that the Voice wept for those who ignored its call - and none of them described what they were.

Children.  Squabbling children, mostly, who didn’t know how to smile and get along, who didn’t know how to work together.  Who growled and bared their teeth like the utterly infuriating savages so many of them were - and that was worse the more who tried to banner to their cause.

The Purebloods who worked with the resistance. The Xaela who worked with the resistance, who wanted blood and fury and fire and steel and every hell to rain down on the lands to slake their bloodlust. The vampires, the voidsent lovers, the ever growing list of people who felt that their personal convictions were more important that a common goal, a common mission, that they were more important than the whole.

Luke had walked out of one of the meetings, notebook patted under his jacket, and he’d stood in the darkness of the Shroud’s trees and turned his head to the sky, voicing a quiet question.  

“Your opposition seems to be rather... almost unfocused, and willin' to kill anyone against them.  What about your chosen children?  Are they worth more time to look into?”

He hadn't expected an answer - the big, the powerful, the grand were the people who something like this cared about.  Lucien was ungifted in aether, unskilled in strange or dark magics - what he was good at was emotions, manipulations, and gaining trust.  And what the hells would a voice need that for?

But It had, hadn’t it?  Because his request had been met almost gleefully when he’d made it - and the engineer had listened, going from dipping his toes into the deep end to taking one last hardy breath and diving into it.  What he could offer was enough that he’d bartered with the voices and finally crafted something he could accept and work with.  Something that’d give him what he wanted - time, access, information?  All of it.  And the conditions were strict but at the same hand, so easy to fit into his actions and his work.

Even after it he’d not stopped working with the Resistance because what point would there be in that?  No, he wanted to work with them now almost more than ever, worming in slowly to a little niche or two he could tap people from, watch, listen, learn, the drive of why he’d done this something he looked at once and then closed into a small mental box, shoved at the back of his awareness.

Why - he took that mental box out, his expression no smile painted across his lips like a friendly welcome, his eyes hard and cold and remote.  

Why?  Why had he taken the fragile trusts and friendships and twisted them to their side, gotten close enough to people that he could work with them, and then switched from the helping hand to the concealed dagger?

Someone could’ve accused him of doing it for self-preservation and he’d have laughed at them.  He ended up putting his personal life on the sliding scale of worth so rarely that the only factor was the issue of watching countrymen cavort with people who rightly should have been killed by them, and being so corrupted by their nativeness that they didn’t care.  That they weren’t looking for truth anymore, that they weren’t trying to make sure that home would be safe from this crawling threat that seemed so common to Eorzea.  That they were so capable of looking at former loved ones and arguing about their fate without being willing anymore to talk.

Because it meant that the fragile hopes he might’ve had for finding people that wouldn’t turn on him were already smoldering ruins before he’d taken three steps in, and for one single time he hadn’t wanted to stand by and do nothing.  He hadn’t wanted to have to spend bells upon bells trying to not rip his skin off in frustration or terror, because he was a pawn compared to the power so many of them had, and he’d be crushed.

Again. Again.

He lifted the mug of tea, watching the fireplace’s flames dance and weave, closing his eyes as he exhaled.

Because the Marked had been so small, and the hot-headed blood seekers in their opposition would kill them for no reason.  Because they’d been scared, because they’d done what they’d needed to do to survive and then continued to.  

The ranks of the saviors were full of demons and murderers.  The ‘damned’ were full of people he felt far too much in common with, people who were complicated and earnest and faced with a world opposing them and a cut of resources to make it survivable.  There were monsters that lurked in the Marked but there were things that shook his beliefs in the universe in the ranks of their resistance, things that everyone threw in with because ‘the enemy of my enemy’ and what a load of shit that all was.

He already was the snake in the grass, wasn’t he?  He’d made a decision almost too quickly but he’d gone with what gave him a so-strange feeling of satisfaction - because the fragile truces of the resistance would shatter and if any of them knew he’d be on their lists just as much as their current targets were.  So he might as well do what had to be done.

And then he had to forget the people he did like, that he could start to care about, that he knew he wanted to help.  People like him didn’t get to have friends that remained, because some sun he’d have orders that’d put their life at risk and if he went against them, he’d be executed.  He closed his eyes instead, pulling taking their faces up in his memory and dredging them up to paint them with the all-to-familiar look of dawning comprehension, murderous rage - the reaction he got because his homeland was ‘the wrong sort of place’.  If he did this long enough it was easier to compartmentalize and rationalize that it hadn’t happened yet, that maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad - because he could soothe his mind by saying no, no, he knew.

He doubted it was possible to ever tell them why he’d made choices like this before - they usually were so full of hope that they didn’t want to believe their friend, comrade, lover wanted to skin him - so Lucien had given up trying.  He just added another little pile of metaphorical sins and threw his lot in with the people he felt a nearly visceral sympathy for.  In the end of all of this they could get their lives back, most of them.  Their loved ones would weep and beat their breast, but they had to live first.

It was so easy to offer them help.

It was even easier to ignore the gnawing, clawing whispers of why Lucien, how could you because he’d already heard every accusation before and they never changed where his bones and blood were from, who’d birthed him, or what he was.  

This time he’d try reveling in it instead of trying to pit himself against the hatred and prove it was worthless, subsume his fears with focus and concentration until he could ignore that he hated himself for how easy it was to even do this.  And when he needed a bell for himself the man could sit, holding a cup of tea that he barely remembered to sip before it was stone cold, accepting that he wasn’t quite sure if he’d finally stopped hoping or wanting to survive the coming turns.

Or maybe even the coming moons.

When his gamble finally crumbled, after all, he doubted that any of the resistance would want anything less than his blood.  And he couldn’t even say if he was sure the Marked wouldn’t want the same when it all crashed and burned, either.

He’d give himself one more bell of mulling, one more bell of watching the fireplace and forgetting to drink his tea, one more bell of actually examining why.  And then he’d box it all back up, toss out the spent herbs for the tea kettle he’d never finished, and get back to work.

[noretreatnancy]

January Reading Wrap-Up

Okay so I want to start typing up a little summary/review for each of the books I read this year, so that maybe some of my followers can find some new titles! This month I read 5 romances, 2 fantasies, 2 non-fiction (a memoir and a recounting of some supposedly true paranormal events), and 1 mystery/thriller. If you’re interested in any of those genres, maybe check out the reviews under the cut :)

Mystery/Thriller

Lock Every Door by Riley Sager

Rating: 2.5/5

This book was a mega disappointment for me. The concept was really intriguing. Jules has just recently been through some life turmoil, losing her job, boyfriend, and home in the same day. She takes a job apartment sitting in a very prestigious historical building with a dark history. Weird occurrences ensue, including strict rules and missing apartment sitters. If you don’t read/watch a lot of mystery/thriller/(even true crime) content and are interested in dabbling, this could be a good choice for you. Unfortunately, I found the hints started dropping a little too early, and the answers were a little too obvious for me to be properly intrigued. I wanted a really slow burn mystery, and this just felt overly rushed for me. 

Non-Fic

In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado (memoir)

Rating: 5/5

I don’t usually rate non-fiction, especially memoirs, because it’s hard for me to but a grade on someone’s account of their own life. But holy shit this book blew me out of the water. This is the story of Carmen Maria Machado’s abusive same-sex relationship, and the unique struggles faced by victims of f/f relationship violence. First of all, Machado’s writing is unparralled. Absolutely gorgeous. The way she structures this, all the history and pop culture she ties in keeps it feeling fresh and engaging. The content is of course very heavy, dealing with themes of abuse in many different forms. However, imo these issues are handled with honesty and grace, in a way that never felt gratuitous. 

The Mothman Prophecies by John Keel (paranormal account)

Rating: N/A

Uhm... I hated every second of reading this. I love Mothman. I love reading/watching/listening to content around weird/spooky/paranormal occurrences. I did not love this book. It was so boring. Total slog to read. There was no narrative structure/order of events. I assumed the story would track the beginning of weird reports in Point Pleasant, then follow Keel’s own arrival and investigation of these reports, with his own experiences and background being used to create a coherent story. That’s not what this is. This is a random arrangement of ufo/men in black/strange encounter stories that all fit a similar theme. Not to say no one would enjoy this, or that it doesn’t present interesting theories (it certainly does), just didn’t work for me. If you want a more easily digestible (and by FAR more enjoyable) version of this, check out the Astonishing Legends podcast and their episodes covering this book. 

Fantasy

Black Sun (Book 1, Between Earth and Sky) by Rebecca Roanhorse

Ratung: 4/5

Finally some good fucking food. if you’re looking for some adult fantasy with a new and interesting world, have I got a book for you. This is a multiple POV story following four main characters and two main plotlines. Xiala, a Teek (siren-esque) ship captain hired to transport Serapio (who may or may not be the vessel of an apocalypse god) to the city of Tova, where Naranpa (the Sun Priestess) is trying to navigate a city on the brink of political upheaval. The world is inspired by Pre-Columbian civilizations in the Americas, and the lore/magic/politics are all totally unlike any other fantasy I’ve read. 

Come Tumbling Down (Book 5, Wayward Children) by Seanan McGuire

Rating: 3

This was definitely a solid addition to this series, if not my favorite. The Wayward Children series follows the adventures of children who were able to enter magical worlds, but for a variety of reasons had to leave those worlds. This book most closely aligns with books one and two, almost feeling like a direct sequel to book two with the addition of characters from book three. It didn’t have the emotional impact for me that earlier books did, but there was nothing glaringly bad or wrong here. I would definitely recommend this series to anyone who enjoyed portal/doorway/wardrobe to a magical world stories as a kid. 

Romance

The Bride Test (Book 2, The Kiss Quotient) by Helen Hoang

Rating: 5/5

I love this series. I love these characters. As far as I’m concerned, Helen Hoang cannot fucking miss. This is an excellent sequel to The Kiss Quotient, but can be read on it’s own no problem. This story follows Esme, a Vietnamese woman who is enlisted to travel to the US to woo and marry Khai, an autistic man who isn’t interested in dating (much to the concern of his mother). They’re both dealing with their own issues in this book. Khai is convinced that he can’t feel love, because he’s spent his entire life being told he’s demonstrating it in the wrong way. Esme is dealing with the struggles of a new immigrant, who wants to be able to support her family back in Vietnam (including her young daughter), while also dealing with the pressure to seduce Khai. Shenanigans ensue. These books have the perfect balance of sweetness/sexy appeal/angst. There is a good deal of miscommunication/misunderstanding/secret keeping in here, but it’d ultimately a minor issue in an overall really supportive relationship full of mutual admiration. I will absolutely be reading the third book, and I highly recommend the series overall. 

She Tempts the Duke (Book 1, Lost Lords of Pembrook) by Lorraine Heath

Rating: 3/5

This was fine. I’ve read better historical romance, but I have certainly read worse. This book follows Mary and Sebastian, childhood friends separated by a tragedy. When they were children, Sebastian and his brothers were forced to flee for their lives based on the actions of their power hungry uncle. Now, as adults, they have returned to reclaim their father’s title. Mary, who helped them escape, has just been allowed back into society after a childhood in a convent, and she must work extra hard to maintain her reputation in order to maintain her engagement. I’m sure you can imagine where it goes from there. The story itself is very simple, there were no twists or unexpected turns. The childhood friends aspect could’ve been played up more imo, but I did enjoy the care between the two leads. They really want what’s best for each other. The most interesting aspect for me was the relationship between the brothers, and how they’ve all been changed and hardened by their pasts.

Spoiler Alert by Olivia Dade

Rating: 3.5/5

This was cute! The book follows Marcus (a major actor in a GOT-esque blockbuster fantasy TV show on the rocks) and April (fan of the show). April and Marcus both write fanfiction for the same ship (half of which is Marcus’s own character), and have developed a strong online friendship, both keeping their identities secret. If anyone were to find out that Marcus writes show critical fanfic, he would be in serious legal trouble, not to mention what it would do to his reputation. April has been keeping her fandom life separate from her real life, in order to maintain credibility in her career. However, a new work environment gives her the confidence to be more open about her passions. April posts a cosplay of herself as one of the characters from the show (the other half of their ship). April is plus-size, and her cosplay gets a lot of attention, some of which being internet typical negativity. Marcus sees this hate online, and is so upset by it that he publicly praises her and asks her on a date (not knowing April is his fanfic buddy). Shenanigans ensue. I liked this book a lot, I thought the concept was cute and I loved how sweet Marcus was at all times. The relationship felt really grounded in the friendship/common interests of the characters. There is a lot of misunderstanding/miscommunication in this book, to the point where I did become frustrated, even if it is understandable based on the insecurities of the characters. 

Take A Hint, Dani Brown (Book 2, The Brown Sisters) by Talia Hibbert

Rating: 4/5

Zaf I am in love with you. This is the second book in the series but you can totally read it on its own without the context of the first book. This is the story of Dani (a bi phd student with a no relationship rule) and Zaf (an ex-pro rugby player turned security guard who loves romance novels and deals with extreme anxiety). Zaf and Dani work in the same building on a college campus, and have developed a casual friendship. During a fire drill gone wrong, a video of Zaf rescuing Dani goes viral, with everyone thinking they are a couple. Zaf wants to use the publicity to help his charity organization (helping teen boys learn emotional maturity), Dani wants a no-strings sex arrangement with Zaf, fake-dating ensues. This series is the blueprint for healthy relationships built on mutual respect and admiration, with two characters learning to deal with their own issues with the help and support of their potential romantic partner. If you don’t usually read romance bc of the genre-typical problematic content, consider checking this series out. 

One Foot in the Grave (Book 2, Night Huntress) by Jeaniene Frost

Rating: 3/5

This series follows Cat, a half human/half vampire hybrid who hunts vampires. In this book, set four years after the first, she is the leader of a vampire hunting secret government kill squad. Her ex-lover, the vampire Bones, who trained her and is basically the love of her life, reappears after four years of separation. They are very, very obviously Buffy and Spike (if Spike was a good guy). It was better than the first one. More/better humor, Cat is much less annoying. I liked the relationship dynamics, particularly with Cat and her team. It really kind of negates the big conflict set up at the end of the first book, so that all the relationship drama there feels very pointless. There is a TON of woman/woman hate in this series and it’s so cringey. I try to be lenient bc the books are old and I know that kind of attitude was common back then, but oh my god is it gross and weird. There is literally ONE female character Cat views in a positive lights, and she literally disappears into thin air 1/4 of the through the book. I wish the romance wasn’t so rushed (a complaint I had in the first book as well). If you like paranormal romance and don’t mind a pretty dated read, this series could be fun for you. 

Other

Rooms by Lauren Oliver

Rating: 3/5

I have no idea what genre to call this (literary fiction?? kind of??). It’s a ghost story and the story of a pretty messed up family dealing with their issues. The writing is really pretty, but the story feels kind of without substance. Like there are multiple POVs (the two ghosts haunting the house, the mother of the family, the sister and the brother, the niece), but none of them really struck any cords with me. I never felt emotionally connected to anyone. It was a really easy read, I enjoyed the writing. The concept was interesting. It just felt a little hollow and pointless to me, which sounds really harsh considering I by no means hated it. 

[theonyxpath]

Above you can see two of the sentient species in Cavaliers of Mars, illustrated in lovely b&w line-art by the multi-styled talent of Andrew Trabbold. That was a decision we made a couple of years ago, actually: to have all the interior art in Cavs by rendered line-art. The style works just right as it references both the old pulp-era illustrations and the early art in the tabletop RPG hobby.

Is going black and white line-art going to alienate current day gamers who are used to and demand full-color interior art? Well, it probably does limit the appeal of Cavaliers of Mars in terms of a more broad-based audience, but we knew that would happen with this sort of game anyway.

When Rose and I first started throwing ideas at each other the Gen Con after she pitched me the “canals/Venice” line, as explained last week, we were kind of brainstorming, kind of riffing off each others’ ideas. It became clear to me as the ideas started clicking together organically, that Rose had a very specific vision that she wanted to give full reign to rather than holding back for “business” reasons.

In fact, the label “Fantasy Heartbreaker” was mentioned pretty early in our discussions as a point of pride. (Note Rose’s Patreon page.)

For me, I tend to think of games like Cavs as beautiful jewel-boxes where every design decision is made to reinforce the overall feel and themes of the game. The world, the rules, the system, the visuals – all given consideration as an intrinsic piece of the whole.

This was a huge part of the appeal to me for publishing Cavaliers of Mars. If you look at Scion or the Trinity Continuum, they are designed to enable a lot of access points and ways to play, with built-in ways we can further expand the game to appeal to more people. (WoD, CofD, and Exalted, are also designed to “go big”). I like that Onyx Path can publish Cavs, apply our high production values as always, and help Rose create the focused game she imagined.

As we have done before, you can check out whether that approach to Cavaliers of Mars works for you by reading the KS page and the ongoing Updates, or by backing the project and you can read the complete text via a link in Backer Update #1.

    VtR: Half Damned illustration by Felipe Goana

    Besides discovering our jewel-box of a game, backers of the Cavaliers of Mars Kickstarter also discovered the newest member of the Onyx Path team in the person of our Kickstarter runner, Jammin’ James Bell, when they read their first Update. James will gradually be taking on more and more of the extremely varied responsibilities of running our Kickstarters – which is a huge weight off my shoulders and greatly appreciated!

Since James is entirely focused on our Kickstarters, we’re looking forward to his many years of customer service and business management experience to really pay off for our backers.

Hiring on James was one of the awesome things to come out of GenCon this year, much as with bringing Fast Eddy Webb on full-time as announced last month. I was really busy finalizing a lot of ideas for improving Onyx that we had been putting together all through the year, and we have a bunch more of them to reveal in the months to come.

Now, this announcement didn’t really come out of GenCon, but Steve Wieck and I did discuss a bit what was the best way to handle the Scarred Lands game-line with the passing of Stew Wieck. It was after the con that I tendered an offer to purchase Nocturnal Media‘s half of the rights, and last week that offer was accepted. Onyx Path now owns Scarred Lands outright, and we are all absolutely thrilled to be able to continue to create new projects for one of the very best settings to come out of the d20 days.

Onyx and Nocturnal are still linked together to fulfill the SL Kickstarter, but after that is all achieved, we’ll be moving forward into the Scarred Lands based on the plans I was developing with Stew, but on our own.

    Wraith20 illustration by Mark Kelly

    Finally, I just wanted to shout out to Mighty Matt McElroy, who flew out at the last minute to the studios of Geek & Sundry last Friday to join a taping of their One Night Only show focused on tabletop game publishing. Matt represented for Onyx Path, together with a panel of fellow game creators, and he says the whole thing was absolutely polished and fascinating. I understand you can find the show on their ProjectAlpha site with a 30 day free trial: http://ift.tt/2fBHzlF

If you check it out, let us know what you think and we’ll pass your feedback on to the Geek & Sundry folks!

Until next week:

Many Worlds. One Path.

    BLURBS!

ON SALE!

KICKSTARTER:

  The Cavaliers of Mars Kickstarter funded and has been rolling along nicely past 500%, including a variety of Stretch Goals! For more on the thinking behind the game see above, and here is the link: http://ift.tt/2jF6HdQ

  ON AMAZON:

  We’re delighted to announce the opening of our ebook store on Amazon! You can now read our fiction from the comfort and convenience of your Kindle. Our initial selection includes these fiction anthologies: Vampire: the Masquerade‘s Endless Ages, Werewolf: The Apocalypse 20th Anniversary Edition‘s Rites of Renown: When Will You Rage 2, Mage: The Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition‘s Truth Beyond Paradox, Chronicles of Darkness‘ God Machine Chronicle, Mummy: The Curse‘s Curse of the Blue Nile, and Beast: The Primordial‘s The Primordial Feast!

And now you can get these books in the Barnes and Noble Nook store too!

Vampire: The Masquerade: The Endless Ages Anthology

Werewolf: The Apocalypse: Rites of Renown: When Will You Rage II

Mage: The Ascension: Truth Beyond Paradox

Chronicles of Darkness: The God-Machine Chronicle Anthology

Mummy: The Curse: Curse of the Blue Nile

Beast: The Primordial: The Primordial Feast Anthology

  And here are six more fiction books:

Vampire: The Masquerade: Of Predators and Prey: The Hunters Hunted II Anthology

Werewolf: The Apocalypse: The Poison Tree

Werewolf: The Apocalypse: Songs of the Sun and Moon: Tales of the Changing Breeds

Vampire: The Requiem: The Strix Chronicle Anthology

Werewolf: The Forsaken: The Idigam Chronicle Anthology

Mage: The Awakening: The Fallen World Chronicle Anthology

  Andand six more more:

Vampire: The Masquerade: The Beast Within Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

Werewolf: The Apocalypse: W20 Cookbook (Kindle, Nook)

Exalted: Tales from the Age of Sorrows (Kindle, Nook)

Chronicles of Darkness: Tales of the Dark Eras (Kindle, Nook)

Promethean: The Created: The Firestorm Chronicle Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

Demon: The Descent: Demon: Interface (Kindle, Nook)

And even more books are going up on Amazon and the Nook store on Wednesday!:

Vampire: The Masquerade Dark Ages: The Cainite Conspiracies

World of Darkness: Strangeness in the Proportion

Vampire: The Requiem: Silent Knife

Mummy: The Curse: Dawn of Heresies

Scarred Lands: The Walled Warren

    We’re working with Studio2 to get Pugmire out into stores, as well as to individuals through their online store. You can pick up the traditionally printed main book, the Screen, and the official Pugmire dice through our friends there!

http://ift.tt/2w0aaEW

    Looking for our Deluxe or Prestige Edition books? Here’s the link to the press release we put out about how Onyx Path is now selling through Indie Press Revolution: http://ift.tt/1ZlTT6z

You can now order wave 2 of our Deluxe and Prestige print overrun books, including Deluxe Mage 20th Anniversary, and Deluxe V20 Dark Ages! And Screens…so many Screens!

And you can now order Pugmire: the book, the screen, and the dice! http://ift.tt/1pOsnTb

  ON DRIVETHRURPG.COM:

  EX3 Music Suite #1: Fanfare for the Chosen sounds off long and proud on DTRPG on Wednesday!

We’re also releasing the five EX3 Electronic Wallpapers only previously available to EX3 Kickstarter backers on DTRPG on Wednesday! And you completely underline this Exalted day: our monthly dose of creatures from the Thousand Devils Night Parade will also be releasing!

      From out of the Dreaming, the C20 Jumpstart: Yours To Keep PDF and PoD are now live on DTRPG.com: http://ift.tt/2fmlF3s

There is magic hiding everywhere. You just need to know where to look.

You are a changeling, a faerie soul hiding in a mortal body, fighting the chill of Nightmares and the oppressive weight of Banality with the pure creative power of Glamour. You have lived many lives, but the story of this one? It outshines them all.

In this hidden world, knights in steel and leather clash sword to sword outside the homecoming dance, dragons fly between skyscrapers, and fantastic castles rise from suburban lawns. A world of magic, intrigue, and adventure, and now that your fae side has awakened, it’s your world too.

“Yours to Keep” includes a rules and setting overview, as well as pre-generated characters and a complete introductory scenario for Changeling: The Dreaming 20th Anniversary Edition. It’s perfect for jumpstarting a new Changeling chronicle!

    The PDF and PoD versions of C20 are now on DriveThruRPG.com: http://ift.tt/2w4Eq2m

Twenty years ago, White Wolf published Changeling: the Dreaming, the fifth of their promised five game-lines that together comprised the World of Darkness. Seen by some as a lighter, more fantasy-based setting in the modern-day, and by others as the darkest game White Wolf had yet created, players had to face the question of what happens once creativity and magic fades from their world.

This 20th Anniversary Edition of Changeling: the Dreaming returns to that deceptively bright yet terrifying world and both compiles and completes the concepts of the previous two editions. Led by veteran White Wolf and Onyx Path developer “Blackhat” Matt McFarland, our writing team consists of longtime Changeling creators like Ian Lemke, Jackie Cassada, Nicky Rea, and Peter Woodworth, as well as familiar names such as John Snead, Maggie Carrol, Matthew Dawkins, and Krister Michl. One and all are dedicated to making Changeling: the Dreaming Twentieth Anniversary Edition the most playable edition yet – while not losing the wonder, awe, and majesty that Changeling is known for.

A revised and up to date look at the World of Darkness through the eyes of the Kithain – what has happened to the Dreaming in the last 20 years, and what is the state of Glamour and dreams?

Rules for all of the kiths including in 2nd ed, plus fan favorites from other books: selkies, piskies, clurichaun, and both Arcadian and Concordian sidhe.

Rules for the Gallain: The inanimae, the hsien, the Nunnehi, and others!

An overhauled and reimagined system for fae magic, including new Arts and the powerful but dangerous practice of Unleashing!

New full-color beautiful artwork as well as classic Changeling illustrations including remastered full page pieces of the kiths by Tony Diterlizzi.

      Now available, this all-new Trinity Continuum: Aeon poster, featuring the art we used for the cover of the StoryPath Booklet at this year’s GenCon! http://ift.tt/2y2MOkm

And this version for art lovers is without the logo: http://ift.tt/2xt4ngk

      From the massive Chronicles of Darkness: Dark Eras main book, we have pulled this single chapter, Dark Eras: After the Fall (Demon: The Descent Constantinople 1453-1458). The Ottoman conquest shatters Constantinople…and also the God-Machine’s grip on it. Unchained flock from all over the world to seek their fortunes in rebuilding the city. But is the Machine really gone, and if it is, can the Unchained face the horrors it drove into the shadows?

On sale in PDF and physical copy PoD versions on DTRPG! http://ift.tt/2y1ZoAe

      Calling all Good Dogs! The Pugmire Core Rulebook PDF is now available on DTRPG.com!

http://ift.tt/2wAaAp3

And the actual physical book, screen, and dice, are available to order on the IPR and Studio2 websites!

Studio2: http://ift.tt/2w0aaEW

      From the massive Chronicles of Darkness: Dark Eras main book, we have pulled this single chapter, Dark Eras: A Grimm Dark Era (Changeling: The Lost Grimm’s Tales). With the publication of Grimm’s Fairy Tales, the Lost find themselves subject to the strength of stories, to a degree never before seen. As numerous stories reach greater audiences, the power of tales redefine what it means to be a changeling. Here, we explore a shift in the veil between fiction and reality, and find changelings who escaped by embracing the odd rules of the fantastic.

http://ift.tt/2iD3wTu

On sale in PDF and physical copy PoD versions on DTRPG!

        Satyr Phil Brucato beckons you once more into the Annex of Mage: The Ascension with this 300 page follow-up to M20. The M20 Book of Secrets is NOW on sale in PDF and PoD versions at DTRPG.com! http://ift.tt/2tKyJtb

More Than Magick

For mages who think they have everything, this trove of treasures expands upon the wealth of material presented throughout Mage: The Ascension’s 20th Anniversary Edition. New Traits, new rules, essays, answers, information… the Secrets are revealed within.

Enter the Annex

Building upon the M20 core rulebook, this Book of Secrets features updated rules and setting material, such as…

An M20 FAQ Genres & Resources

Matters of Focus Justice & Influence

New Abilities, Archetypes, Merits & Flaws

Expanded Rules for Combat, Resonance, Wonders, Computer Systems, and More

This Ascension Continues…

        What dark secrets do the eldest vampires hold? Find out in Thousand Years of Night for Vampire: The Requiem! Advance PDF version available now on DriveThruRPG.com. http://ift.tt/2sV8lZR

You may think that with a multitude of people coming, going, dying and running away, we’d be tired, done, or ready to give up. Instead, I find myself restless, looking for the next thing.  There’s always a next thing, and I for one am not yet ready to die.

– Elder Kincaid, Daeva Crone

This book includes:

• Detailed instructions on creating elder vampires, including how to base chronicles around them

• A look into the lives of elders, how they spend their nights, who they work with, and why including their roles in both their clans and covenants

• New Devotions, Merits, and Rituals for elder vampires

• The kinds of creatures that pose a threat to elder vampires, including Inamorata, Lamia, Sons of Phobos, a new elder conspiracy, and more!

          CONVENTIONS!

Fast Eddy Webb will be running Pugmire during the online convention Gauntlet Con: http://ift.tt/2sSctbs which runs from Oct. 20 – 22. Here is the sign-up link for the event which will be live-streamed. Currently three of six seats are still open: http://ift.tt/2xt3HaM

  In November, we’ll be at Game Hole Con in Madison, WI. November 2-5: http://ift.tt/2xsOnuzMonica Valentinelli (Hunter: the Vigil 2e, Dark Eras), Manda Collis (Exalted 3e), Scott Holden (Scarred Lands), Matt M McElroy (Operations Manager) and other folks from the OPP crew will be there!

  Also in November, the Onyx Path crew including Rich, Matt, Lisa, Neall, Dixie, and Meghan will be at the first ever PAX Unplugged in Philadelphia, November 17-19. http://ift.tt/2kBzmfv

  Planning ahead for 2018, we’re heading back to Midwinter Game Convention in Milwaukee, January 11-14, where we’re going to be bringing a big crew of many of your favorite Onyx Path designers and we’ll be running demos and making some special announcements at the show!  http://midwintergamingconvention.com

  And now, the new project status updates!

DEVELOPMENT STATUS FROM ROLLICKING ROSE (projects in bold have changed status since last week):

First Draft (The first phase of a project that is about the work being done by writers, not dev prep)

M20 Gods and Monsters (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

M20 Book of the Fallen (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

C20 Novel (Jackie Cassada) (Changeling: the Dreaming 20th Anniversary Edition)

Monarchies of Mau (Monarchies of Mau)

Night Horrors: The Tormented (Promethean: The Created 2nd Edition)

Deviant: The Renegades (Deviant: The Renegades)

They Came From Beneath the Sea! Rulebook (TCFBtS!)

  Redlines

Kithbook Boggans (Changeling: the Dreaming 20th Anniversary Edition)

Hunter: the Vigil 2e core (Hunter: the Vigil 2nd Edition)

  Second Draft

WoD Ghost Hunters (World of Darkness)

Tales of Good Dogs – Pugmire Fiction Anthology (Pugmire)

Exalted 3rd Novel by Matt Forbeck (Exalted 3rd Edition)

  Development

Signs of Sorcery (Mage: the Awakening Second Edition)

SL Ring of Spiragos (Pathfinder – Scarred Lands 2nd Edition)

Ring of Spiragos (5e – Scarred Lands 2nd Edition)

Pugmire Pan’s Guide for New Pioneers (Pugmire)

Scion: Origin (Scion 2nd Edition)

Scion: Hero (Scion 2nd Edition)

Trinity Continuum Core Rulebook (The Trinity Continuum)

Trinity Continuum: Aeon Rulebook (The Trinity Continuum)

GtS Geist 2e core (Geist: the Sin-Eaters Second Edition)

The Realm (Exalted 3rd Edition)

  WW Manuscript Approval:

Dragon-Blooded (Exalted 3rd Edition)

  Editing:

Ex Novel 2 (Aaron Rosenberg) (Exalted 3rd Edition)

DtD Night Horrors: Enemy Action (Demon: the Descent)

  Post-Editing Development:

W20 Changing Ways (Werewolf: the Apocalypse 20th Anniversary Edition)

Changeling: the Lost 2nd Edition, featuring the Huntsmen Chronicle (Changeling: the Lost 2nd Edition)

C20 Ready Made Characters (Changeling: the Dreaming 20th Anniversary Edition)

  Indexing:

    ART DIRECTION FROM MIRTHFUL MIKE:

In Art Direction

W20 Pentex Employee Indoctrination Handbook – Art at WW for approval.

Cavaliers of Mars

W20 Changing Ways

Ex3 Monthly Stuff

Scion Origins

Ring of Spiragos

VtR Half Damned

Book of Freeholds

DtD Enemy Action – AD’d… contracts and notes sent out.

C20 RMCs – Finished with sketches.

  Marketing Stuff

  In Layout

Prince’s Gambit – Remaining art is arting.

Beckett’s Jyhad Diary – Layouting.

Wraith 20

Beast PG

M20 Cookbook – Working on it after Beckett is done.

  Proofing

VDA Jumpstart – At WW for approval.

Ex 3 Arms of the Chosen – 1st proof.

Becket’s Jyhad Diary – First half proofing with Dawkins.

  At Press

Beckett Screen – Shipped to shipper.

Scarred Land PGs & Wise and the Wicked PF & 5e – On a boat to the US. PoD files processing (see above).

Dark Eras: God’s Own Country – PoD proof on the way.

VTR: Thousand Years of Night – Errors discovered at GenCon, getting fixed.

Changeling: the Dreaming 20th Anniversary Edition (Changeling: the Dreaming 20th Anniversary Edition) – Deluxe Edition cover and Screen in the works.

C20 Jumpstart PDF – PDF and PoD versions on sale this Wednesday!

CtL Huntsmen Chronicle Anthology PDF

Art of Mage – Prepping for PoD this week.

Pugmire Trick, Condition, and Initiative Cards – PoD proofs ordered.

Exalted 3rd Music Suite #1 – On sale this week.

  TODAY’S REASON TO CELEBRATE: A couple of days ago, our friend Murray the pug, inspiration for Pugmire and Eddy Webb’s very good dog, passed away suddenly. Let us salute and celebrate his life, and the long shadow cast by a very little guy.

[mongoose-and]

Class Order Hall Campaigns: Rated (7.1.5)

From Best -> Worst

Druid

Shaman

Death Knight

Warrior

Monk

Mage

Warlock

Demon Hunter

Rogue

Priest & Paladin (Tied)

Paladin & Priest (Tied)

Hunter (get wreckt)

Reasons below the cut (Spoilers)

For the sake of discussion, I will absolutely be conflating the Artifact quest lines in with the class Campaign quests.

1. Druid - Druid's campaign basically breaks the curve by sheer scope. The campaign focuses on one major theme for this part of the expansion, and just expands on it beautifully. You are charged with protecting the Emerald Dreamway, rescuing Malorne, and eventually saving the Emerald Dream from the forces of both the Legion and the Emerald Nightmare. Between the beauty of the different zones, the massive gatherings of druids, exploration of Druid lore, and getting to relive the War of the Ancients at Mount Hyjal, none of the other class campaigns quite compare to sheer magnitude of history and lore that Druids get to explore. It also doesn’t hurt that Druid is an amazing class to play in its own right and each artifact quest is clever and interesting (except the Balance questline. That was pretty weak TBH). This campaign really made me feel the ‘class fantasy’.

2. Shaman - Close contender for being almost as epic as the druid campaign. The major theme of the Shaman questline is leading the Earthen Ring and uniting the Elemental Lords against the Legion, which is kinda like bargaining with a bunch of perpetually angry, murderous children to team up and fight Communism. Nonetheless, the shaman campaign has fun and interesting quests as well as insight to how the Elementals work (or don’t work) with each other, and they make good use of a variety of former instances and questing zones (including a finale in the Firelands that is beautiful and hectic).

3. Death Knight - Another top contender given THAT FINALE THO. GET WRECKT PALIDANS YEAH- oh, nevermind. Really, my only complaint was that the very end of the finale fell short (should’ve just let us do it, Blizz), and that it wasn’t Dark Souls Hard the whole way. Everything else about the Death Knight campaign was fantastic - raising the new Four Horsemen, killing lots of people, causing mayhem, Lich King Bolvar. Superb stuff, all the way.

4. Warrior - The quest line that starts meh, gets good, gets great, then settles back into “good” again. Sadly, I think it was a missed opportunity to explore the warrior cultures of the Horde and Alliance, and instead focused entirely on the lore and history of the Titans / Vrykul. For what it is, though, I think Blizz did a great job, and I don’t see the quest line they built fitting into any of the other classes nearly as well. It wasn’t the story that we wanted or needed for Warriors, but it was the best damned way to tell the story they did. Also, lolz Ulduar quest zone~

5. Monk - This is a fine quest line that falls short by virtue of just not being as epic as the others. It’s also the questline that convinced me that the Vrykul story only really paired well with the Warrior class hall. It starts strong by basically trashing the set in at the Peak of Serenity in Pandaria, and takes you back to the Wandering Isle (remember there?). Then it proceeds to utterly destroy shit in Pandaria at literally every chance it gets, which is great fun. Then you make God Beer and defeat a winged commie space goat.

6. Mage - This is where the class hall quests start to get a bit underwhelming, TBH. The whole quest line revolves around Archmage Vargoth being weird, only to reveal that he was possessed by demons. Honestly, it’s not great on it’s own, and if it wasn’t presented as a ‘mystery’ that we all could solve within the first five seconds of stepping into the order hall, it probably would have been more interesting. However, throughout the quest line, you do get some cool lore, elves, stupid Khadgar tricks, more elves, vomiting deaders, gaggles of elves, a blue-haired dragon husband, too many elves, Milhouse Manastorm, and a free trip to your most hated (my favorite) dungeon from Wrath of the Lich King, THE OCULUS! Also, so many elves... even though they are shit at magic.

7. Warlock - High School Drama: The Anime: The Quest Line. Seriously, you could probably make a decent anime out of just about anything that happens with Warlocks - the angst, the interpersonal drama, the cute/disgusting monsters they subjugate to serve them, the unlikely capture/escape scenarios, the pink hair.  It manages to be clever and more interesting than some of the other quests, but it ultimately boils down to a whole lot meaningless drivel and a weird “choose your favorite girl to join your cool kids’ clique” decision at the end. And then you have the orc who keeps leaving butt-cinders *everywhere*.

8. Demon Hunter - Basically you finish what you started with the Demon Hunter starting zone. And then you fight twins in what is probably one of the better finales of all the quests. However, apart from a cool finale and the fact that you get your own space ship, there’s not really much about the Demon Hunter quest line that really excited me. Demon Hunters are insufferable characters in general, Korvas Bloodthorn doesn’t get to be your bodyguard, and if you picked Kayn Sunfury then you spend most of the time being just as terrible as Illidan was. I probably would have enjoyed this more if I didn’t pick Kayn, but I did and I regret my life choices, even if the Illidari CANNOT be STOGHPPPED!!!!

9. Rogue - Good: Tactical Espionage Action. Pirates. Mattias Shaw is a dreadlord. Garona, Vaneesa VanCleef, Taoshi, and Valeera Sanguinar’s thighs all become your girlfriends. Bad: Trolling the AH for mats while Noggenfogger sits on his ass and blackmails you. Amber Kearnan dies offscreen and zero fucks are given. Getting killed in Stormwind repeatedly by Fury warriors (okay, I lied about that last part, that was pretty lolzy). Worst: you have to play a Rogue in order to experience any of it. Also, exactly one of the artifact quests are fun to do and it’s not the one it should be.

10. Priest & Paladin (Tied) - I have to tie these because they’re basically the same flipping thing, with only the artifact quests and maybe half of the actual campaign quests to distinguish them. I wanted to praise Blizz by showing overlap / interaction between the different classes, but they basically went overboard here, by recycling plot points and even the finale, altogether. Also, Netherlight Temple is a dumb idea, akin to moving NORAD into a base in Afghanistan because Al-Qaeda would NEVER think to look there (....well, until they do). Priests arguably have it worse because they don’t even get to be the hero of their own class hall mission (that goes to the Paladins) - AND you have to play a Priest for the privilege of this nonsense, which is arguably the worst punishment one can experience. Paladins, on the other hand, get meaningless choices and suffer the indignity of watching every single champion of theirs make fools of themselves at the first opportunity. Also, both sides visit each others halls, but nobody gets murdered in the process. Also also, wtf is a Lothraxxion and why - I did this shit twice and I still don’t know, he just shows up like a shiny sparkle vampire. Also also also - sigh - Night Elf Paladins when, Blizz? :/

12. Hunter - My beloved Main’s class campaign was also arguably the weakest and least interesting. The artifact quests are fine enough (though Marksman could have just dropped a bigger dime on Allleria than “she ain’t here, but she was”) but the main core of the hunter quest - while probably the most grounded and true to the Hunter’s ‘class fantasy’ - was a snooze fest compared to the other campaigns. The Unseen Path as a concept is cool but overall underwhelming to me - their super-clandestine nature means that they try to stay out of the way of cool things happening, but they don’t have the benefit of being a bunch of spies and thieves to have any intrigue to back it up. They swear an oath and then sit around a lodge and snack, occasionally plinking arrows at targets literally right in front of them. There are cool, all-too-brief detours when you go to recruit champions like Rexxar, Nesingwary, and Addie Fizzlebog, but even they aren’t enough to uplift an otherwise boring plot involving hunting down a felguard and his super felstalkers. In terms of scope and grandeur: If the Druid campaign was ‘class fantasy’ being used to tell an epic tale of saving the planet and exploring history with an army of allies, the Hunter campaign was ‘class fantasy’ being used to tell a story about how you did a crossword puzzle while on vacation this one time. On the plus side, the Hunter quest line has you play with a dog, and the Druid quest line does not.

...

...

...

...I take it back. Hunter quest line 12/10. Best quest line. Best ever. <3 <3 <3

Come on Baron! Let’s go~

[loudhaoleinatie]

The vampire wrapped her hand around Danny's cock and massaged him, her dark eyes meeting his blue ones as she purred about keeping him as a feeder. The hairs on the back of his neck prickled to attention at the idea - one he'd thought of as stupid, not so long ago.

The thought that someone might give up their blood on a regular basis to feed a vampire had always sounded like the most idiotic thing to Danny. He'd considered those people as akin to pets or labour animals, kept and used and seen as lesser than their undead masters... but right now? The concept sounded like a dream scenario. The idea that he could give himself up to this woman every night, be gifted with this drug-like high in exchange for a few drops of blood, provide her with sustenance from his own body and be worshipped by her in return?

He had to take a deep breath to stop himself from volunteering for that life right then and there, because thankfully a tiny pragmatic part of his brain was still surviving and saying that wasn't a decision to be made by a bliss-addled mind and, luckily, the vamp took his lips in a hot kiss before he said anything stupid.

She teased him, rubbing the head of his cock between her pussy lips but denying him entry, instead swaying her hips back and forth to slide over the length of his cock. She was so damn wet for him and yet she held off, and the need for Danny to be inside her was beginning to make him feel dizzy.

Suddenly she was climbing off him, and Danny released a noise that was almost a howl of frustration. The woman chuckled, reaching into her drawer and bringing out lube and a dildo and smiling devilishly at him.

Danny wasn't sure what to expect, thinking he might get a show or something similar, but when the vamp kissed him hard again and told him to fuck himself with the toy he had to close his eyes and groan with lust.

She kneeled up on the bed next to him and doused the dildo with lube, and Danny willingly spread his legs and lifted his hips hungrily as one of his hands cupped her breast and squeezed her nipple. He was vaguely aware he should probably be ashamed of his eagerness, but to hell with that... she could already sense his need for her.

The vampire hummed happily, pressing the tip of the fake cock to Danny's entrance and slowly easing it inside when he relaxed the muscles. Danny moaned and bucked against her hand, taking the shaft a little further and gasping when it pressed over his prostate. He heard the click of a button and vibrations coarse through his prostate, causing him to buck and curse out loud at the pleasure.

Danny clawed at the sheets, breathless from the sudden shock of the sensation, and then quickly reached over to grasp at the vamp's thighs and pull her into place above him, positioning her so she straddled his face and Danny could bring her down over his mouth.

He delved his tongue in between her pussy lips, seeking out her entrance to thrust it inside before moving up to suck on her clitoris. Her hands went into his hair and tugged, making Danny groan into her sensitive parts and triggering her to grind down against his face.

Danny rolled his hips, wedging the base of the vibrator against the mattress so he could raise and lower his hips to slide up and down the shaft. As he built a hot rhythm there, he also pushed two fingers inside the vampire's pussy, gliding them in and out and twisting them before adding a third to pump inside.

His tongue flicked at her clit, writing the alphabet with the tip until she was riding his face and breathing hard. Danny felt himself close to the edge, the feeling of the dildo in his ass proving too delicious.

She sounded ready too, his name now entering the mix of groans and sweet nothings exiting her lips, and Danny was determined to have her screaming before his own building climax hit.

loudhaoleinatie‌:

“Complaining?” Danny replied, gasping again as the young woman pressed on his gland again. “No, definitely not.”

She began to pump his cock and massage his prostate again, telling him he was hers now, and the way she said his name only increased his desire. Her tongue slid over the bite on his hip again before her teeth sank in once more, a flash of bliss adding to the sensations she was supplying with her hands.

She was demonstrating her power over him, turning him into so much putty in her hands, and Danny was feeling more and more like he didn’t want to fight it. It was so against his nature to be owned, to risk his safety and give himself over, but tonight was providing him with a whole new perspective on things. Maybe it was the hormones acting like a drug, or maybe it was just some buried kinks being dragged to the surface, but Danny wanted to bow to this woman, give up his life force to please her and anything else she wanted while she was at it.

She spoke to him again, capturing his attention to lick her finger sensually as he watched before beginning the blow job and massage again with intent.

“Oh holy sh-…” Danny cried out, twisting in her grip but unable to fight her strength… not that he really had the will to do so.

She brought him to climax in record time, doing all the right things to set his body on fire, and Danny shouted wordlessly as he came in her mouth. He shuddered as he felt her swallow, swirling her tongue around to lick him clean and take every last drop he could give.

He panted hard, but there was no time to recover as she was suddenly standing in front of him and kissing him hard, grasping his biceps and guiding him forcefully further into her lair. The vamp led him to the bedroom, shoving him down backwards to lie practically boneless on the bed.

“Fuck,” Danny slurred, coming down from the high. “Y'know I thought you would'a wanted more fun than that…”

He was kind of disappointed it was all over in terms of the sex, although he probably still had more biting to look forward to, but as the vampire leaned over him and grinned devilishly he found himself almost hypnotised by those gorgeous red-tinted eyes.

She informed him she wasn’t done yet, and the next thing he knew she was drinking from the wound on his side again.

Pleasure hit him like a tidal wave, and Danny moaned loudly and gripped at the sheets as his spine bowed. One hand tangled in the woman’s hair again as he felt his cock filling again in response to the arousal she supplied.

He soon found himself panting, stunned as the vamp leaned over him and smiled victoriously, her voice like the caress of silk. He’d heard rumours that vampires could do that, provide a man with the ability to have multiple orgasms due to their power of control over pleasure and blood, but he’d never really believed the fairytale.

Danny gazed up at her under lowered lashes, his entire body tingling.

“You…” he murmured, enslaved by her beauty and power, “Are a goddess…”

Seeing the blonde come apart was a sight that the vampire decided she wanted to see over and over again. The man was gorgeous as he shouted wordlessly, his hands cleching as she swallowed around him and licked him clean

She didn’t give him much time to recover, both wanting to see him come again and desperate for her own pleasure as well. She kissed him hard, biting at his lips and forcing her tounge into his mouth as she grasped his biceps and pulled him down the hall and into her bedroom where she shoved him down onto the bed and climbed on top of him. 

He looked breathless still and disappointed and Maya only smirked when he voiced his disappointment of them already being done. She leaned down to his neck, nibbling and nuzzling the skin over his pulse point there for a moment before moving back up to lock her dark eyes with his blue ones, “We’re not nearly done yet”

Without further warning she was back down by his hip, sinking her fangs back into the wound there, drinking more of his delicious blood and releasing more of the bliss into the blonde mans system. He felt him bury his hand back in her hair, and at his moaning Maya drew more blood from the wound, moaning into his flesh at the fresh taste of it. She forced herself to stop again before it would become too hard and instead ran her tounge over his hard and swollen cock again as she wrapped one hand around him. 

She leaned back up to the blonde man, smiling satisifed at the sight of him panting and breathless underneath her. “Much better,” she grinned, running her nails over his shaft. 

“Keep saying these things and I might keep you here as my feeder,” Maya murmed referring humans that either kept coming back to clubs like the Fang to be feed on or stayed living with vampires, usually old powerful ones, their only purpose in life to be feed on and then prepare themselves for the next time they’re feed on, living in a constant state of the bliss. 

She leaned down again, capturing his lips in a hot kiss as she stroked the blondes cock and teased his head against her wet entrance. She broke the kiss and positioned herself in a way where Dannys cock was hot and twitching against his abdomen and she sat in his lap, his cock gliding through her wet pussy lips as she moved her hips back and forward on him, her thumb rubbing over the slid on his head. 

She felt herself getting close as she continued to rub her clit over his cock, moaning with each move and while she wanted to finally feel him inside her, she had other plans first, wanting to see the blonde come again first. Remembering his earlier reaction to her fingers inside him, she climbed off him, smirking at the frustrated growl she received from the man and moved up to her bedside table, getting out lube and a purple slim dildo.

She moved back down to hungrily kiss the blonde again, before she spoke. “Fuck yourself with this for me, and then come inside me.”