#also that part a bit later...he has nothing but work 💔💔💔

[the-jam-to-the-unicorn]

If you wanna be happy (because Ze with students) but also sad at the same time (because of what he says) ... this is your video

[sashaisready]

Starting Over: Chapter 3 - Bolt

Mob!Bucky x Female Reader

Series Masterlist

When Bucky throws you out of the house for a betrayal and won't listen to your side of the story, you know the only way out is through - it's time to start over. Maybe this was never going to be your happy ending.

Back again! I have split the final chapter into two parts as it makes more sense that way, you’ll see why when you read the last one – which hopefully I should be able to post later this week, or early next – I’m just working on getting it right. Warnings for angst, angst and angst in this part – sorry in advance. I felt a bit weepy writing this. I’ve been blown away by the support this story has received, especially as it was written on a bit of a whim, so thank-you for all your reblogs and comments – it means a lot!! Also shout-out to the recent Variety SebStan photoshoot - very inspirational...

💔

You were sleeping like the dead, it was a miracle that anything could’ve woken you – but the soft click of the hotel door opening must’ve cut through the void somehow, because you shot up in bed awake, disorientated and suddenly on alert. Your breathing was heavy as you adjusted to your surroundings. What…where were…?

Bucky gently closed the door behind him and rushed over to your bedside.

“Hey, hey…it’s just me, you’re okay doll. I’m sorry I startled you. I was trying to slip in quietly…” he cooed, “I thought knocking might be too jarring…stupidly…”

You blinked at him, you were just able to make out his face in the dark as recognition sunk in. His features were subtly illuminated by the parking lot lights, the room’s curtains doing little to keep that glare out. He looked tired and drained; his hair unkempt. There was a weariness in his face that you hadn’t seen before. You groggily flicked on the bedside lamp as your brain caught up with the rest of you.

For a blissful moment you’d forgotten it all, from the haze of sleep, you’d forgotten why you were here. Bucky! Bucky is here! Your safe place. You began to smile and instinctively moved towards him. He smiled too, a relieved smile, holding out a hand to you so you reached for it with your own –

Wait.

Oh.

You saw the hope in his eyes dwindle when you jerked away from him, a scowl hardening your expression as you whipped your hand back as quickly as if it had been burnt. You pulled the sheets high and tight, covering your body as if you didn’t like that any of you was visible to him.

As he tried to lean over to get closer to you, you greeted him with a blunt, hard slap across the face.

He recoiled, his hand moving to his stinging cheek as he stood up to his full height and stepped back, “fine. I deserved that…”

“What are you doing here?” you sneered, “How did you even get in?”

He tilted his head towards the door and held up a key card, “They let me in. They gave me a key”.

“Well, they shouldn’t have! They shouldn’t just give away door keys to random people…”

“They don’t, just me,” he smirked.

You rolled your eyes and turned away, “You think this is funny?”

“Doll…” he reached out to you again, but you smacked his hand away.

“No,” you growled.

“I found out the truth…I know it wasn’t you. I’m so sor-” he sounded frantic, stuttering and jumbled, worlds away from the cool and collected man you knew so well. But you were unmoved, his betrayal still stinging and raw.

“I don’t care,” you interrupted, your tone flat and cold, “it’s too late”.

“I should’ve listened to you. I’m so sorry, baby. I flew off the handle without talking to you. I should’ve trusted you…” he pleaded.

“Yes, you should’ve,” you snapped bitterly, “but you didn’t. You wouldn’t let me talk, you just shouted…then you threw me out with nothing! Like I was trash! I walked for nearly two miles alone in the dark, in the middle of the night, Bucky. Anything could’ve happened to me…” your voice wobbled slightly at the end of your sentence; you took a deep breath – refusing to let anymore tears fall for him.

He dipped his head, his gaze dropping, unable to look at you. “I know, you’re right…I keep thinking about it…I keep…”

“Save it!” you shouted, a little more emotional than you intended. “All I wanted was for you to listen to me. I don’t know anything about a recording, or my phone pinging, or whatever you were ranting about. I just can’t believe you wouldn’t believe me, after everything we’ve been through…”

He sighed heavily, then withdrew his phone from his pocket. He began to scroll through.

You scoffed, “what are you-”

And then your voice, clear as day, rang out from his phone. Bucky held it up towards you, his face pained. You listened, stunned, as you heard yourself on the recording. It was so real you almost considered that it was you, and you’d somehow forgotten that you’d actually said it.

“Just give me a bit longer and I’ll have that one-armed pussy spill everything…”

After it had finished, you furrowed your brows in confusion, your mouth hanging open.

“But that wasn’t…” you whispered.

“I know. I know that now,” he sighed, putting the phone back in his pocket. “Rumlow set it up. He put it together with cutting edge AI, some advanced tech Stark helped develop. He also planted fake footage of you on the CCTV. Took your phone to an incriminating location. But Sam caught him tonight. He’s been working with the feds to bring me down, to make room for a HYDRA revival. He knew I’d be weaker and easier to takedown if you and I fell apart, so breaking us up was a two-birds-one-stone deal”.

You blinked, bewildered, a chill running through you as you thought about the lengths someone would go to in order to break you and Bucky up. You knew a little about HYDRA, the rival syndicate that Bucky used to work for before he struck out on his own. They’d been defunct for years, or so Bucky had told you. The implication of someone being able to make your voice say anything they wanted also haunted you. Rumlow could’ve even framed you for a crime with such technology. It was…scary.

You could see why Bucky freaked out, presented with all of this incriminating evidence, but…

“Rumlow didn’t break us up, Bucky”, you said quietly as your words sharpened. “You did. You could’ve come to me first. You could’ve showed me this and we could’ve set everything straight. Instead…you went nuclear…”

He dropped his gaze again to the threadbare hotel carpet, unable to meet your eye. It was almost funny, he looked small for the first time since you’d met him. Despite his towering height and hulking frame, he almost seemed like a little boy in that moment.

“…I just can’t believe you thought I’d do something like that to you. That I’d betray you like that. That I could look you in the eye every day and lie to you and…”

He suddenly looked up, quickly snatching your hand, “I’m so sorry, doll, this is the biggest mistake I’ve ever made…I’d do anything to take it back…”

“Well you can’t!” you sniped back at him as you tore your hand away from his, tears in your eyes. “You must think so low of me that you think I’d be capable of this. And all the stuff you said about me leeching off you for your money! I’ve never been comfortable spending your cash and you know that! I can’t believe you’d throw it all back in my face…”

“Baby, I didn’t mean that. I didn’t mean of it. I was hurt…” he said, the desperation building in his voice as his eyes widened, “I was just trying to hurt you the way I thought you’d hurt me. I didn’t really think it. I never have”.

“It must’ve come from somewhere!” you spat venomously, “you didn’t pull it out of thin air…”

“I promise. I was just throwing words out and didn’t care what they were as long as they hit. I just was so mad,” he sat down on the bed and began running his hands through his hair as he closed his eyes, he always did that when he was stressed.

He sighed heavily, then turned to you, “Look”, he began – his voice soft now. “I guess part of me always thought this was too good to be true…everything happened so quickly when we met. I’d always been content with one-night stands and casual hook-ups. Then I met you, and…” he trailed off as he chewed his lip, carefully choosing what to say.

You watched him, your earlier anguish now hardened into pure rage, you wanted to kick him out – send him out into the street the way he had with you. But you also wanted to hear this. You wanted to understand what possible reasoning there could be for causing of this pain. What weak excuse he could use to try and justify his cruelty. He looked at you again. His eyes were kind, warm. But you couldn’t help but remember the coldness in them from earlier. You didn’t think you’d ever forget it.

“I guess…everything changed. I fell for you so hard. You took over my life. Invaded my thoughts, my senses. I just wanted to be with you all the time. And to my surprise…you felt the same. This sweet, wonderful woman wanted to be with me, too. I was sure you’d turn away when you found about my job…my past…my scars, my arm... Because why wouldn’t you? You were kind and decent. You saw the best in people. How the hell could you love someone like me? A killer. A monster…”

“Bucky, I…” you croaked.

“Please, just let me finish…” he pleaded, “but somehow, you did love me. And I know you moved in with me quickly, but it felt right. You had a rough start in life, and all I ever wanted to do was take care of you and fix it so you didn’t have to worry about money or paying bills or any of that ever again. I wanted you to sleep soundly, knowing I would protect you and do right by you and you wouldn’t have to sling burgers and fries to get by anymore. And part of me knew it was selfish…because you deserved better than me. You deserved the white picket fence, a dull but decent man with a boring job who comes home and tells you about whatever shit Janet in Accounting got up to that day. But no, you had me – who stole you from that peaceful future to make myself happy. I worked late and committed violent acts. I had to give you bodyguards just in case. I uprooted your entire life. I did my best to give you the love you deserve, but I couldn’t even get that right. When I heard that tape…it was like the universe telling me what I already knew - I wasn’t worthy, and the debt I owed was getting collected. I guess part of me always expected I’d inevitably screw it up, because I never deserved you in the first place. And I’m just sorry that I proved myself right”.

You sniffed back your tears, bowled over by his words. He’d never said anything like this to you before, you had no idea he held those insecurities. The silence hung heavily between you, until you finally spoke, your voice shaky.

“But I was happy slinging burgers. And I never wanted the boring guy. I never wanted the white picket fence. I wanted you, Buck. Only you. I knew who you truly were, and it didn’t matter. It never mattered. You did deserve me. You did deserve love and everything we had…until…well…this”.

He nodded sadly, taking your hand in his.

“I know that now, doll, I do. I ended up sabotaging the best thing that ever happened to me because of my own fears. And that’s on me. But look…I need to ask, do you think you could ever forgive me? I’ll do whatever it takes, I’ll go at whatever pace you want…We can just be friends and see how it goes. I’ll go to therapy to sort out my shit. Anything. I’ll never doubt you again. All I ask is that you give me one final chance to fix this. Please, doll…I’m begging you…”

You looked into his big blue eyes, glossy with his unshed tears. Your heart ached and twisted at the sight. You’d never seen him looking so vulnerable before, so lost. You loved him so very much. You would’ve taken a bullet for him if he’d asked. He was correct that the two of you had moved fast in your whirlwind romance, but it always felt like a natural progression. It had always felt right.

But something had shifted. Something monumental. And you didn’t know if it could ever be like it was. It was wrong now.

“I’m sorry Bucky, I can’t….I…” you whispered, squeezing his hand as your tears began to fall. “I want to…I just…I don’t know if I can…”

He inhaled deeply and your heart shattered as you saw the flash of anguish in his eyes. But then he took a moment, a sad but accepting smile creeping over his face. He leaned over and wiped away your tears with his thumb.

“It’s alright, doll” he told you softly. “This was my fault. I’m not gonna force it or push you to forgive if you’re not comfortable doing so, okay? Not because I don’t care or don’t want to fight for you. But because I love you, and loving someone means sometimes you have to let them go”.

You nodded as you looked up into his eyes, but the tears wouldn’t stop.

“Hey, c’mon…” he soothed.

He quickly vanished into the en-suite bathroom, returning with a small wad of toilet paper to dab at your tear-soaked cheeks. He extended a finger and gently moved it under your chin, propping your face up to look at his. The tenderness and care he showed you was what you were used to with Bucky. This was the version of him you’d always known. It almost made you forget about everything. Almost.

You both shared a small smile. A melancholic smile, a smile that you both understood meant too much had happened here tonight. Too much had changed. You can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube. Nothing was spoken, but everything was said.

It was hard to know how much time had passed, but eventually he got up and moved to the door. You didn’t stop him, and he didn’t ask you to. He ran a finger over your trusty red backpack as he passed the desk. He chuckled and picked it up, “I should’ve known this old thing was involved. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how you left with no clothes or money…but you’ve always been the most resourceful person I know.”

You smiled back at him weakly.

“It’s funny…” he mused as he caressed the straps, “you had this emergency kit already to go. Just in case…”

You shook your head, “no…it wasn’t meant to be a kit, it was just left from where I moved in with you. I didn’t-I just dumped it when I…”

“Yes…left fully packed and untouched. With clothes and cash. And debit cards, presumably. Stashed in a closet by the front door. That doesn’t strike you as a choice? A plan? Even if you weren’t fully aware of it?” he asked.

You didn’t respond as the silence laid thick between you. Incisive Bucky, as always. He could read you better than anyone on the planet. You knew he was right, he knew it too. You swallowed, looking down at the frayed thread on the bedsheet.

“You are always planning, doll. Because you always had to, with the life you’ve had. You always had to keep moving and stay one step ahead. We both know that”.

Again, he was met with your silence as you pulled at the thread. But there was no denial. You couldn’t deny the truth.

“Guess we both had our own ejector seats for this plane,” he mused as he moved the bag back to how he found it. “Looks like we had even more in common than we knew”.

He was right, again. It seemed that both of you had your anxieties and insecurities about this relationship. Both of you were maybe a little too cynical and world weary to believe in happy ever afters. His had manifested in anger, in rage…yours in being ready to flee at any time. Both of you had been on the starting line waiting for that pistol to fire.

But it had only finally imploded because of him.

He continued his slow march to the door, clearing his throat as he looked back at you.

“I meant what I said, every word. I’d do anything to get you back. I’d go at any pace, I��d take whatever you offered – in any form, as long as I’m still in your life in some way. I’d spend the rest of my days apologising if I had to. But honestly, I’d also be happy just to be your friend. Okay? So, you can call me, text me, anytime. Hell, just send me an emoji. Even if you just to talk. Even just to yell at me. I’ll always pick up, I promise”.

He pulled a business card from his wallet and placed it on the desk, “here. Put my number in your new phone when you get one”.

You stayed mute, but your eyes followed his hand as he gently put the card down.

“Will you be okay? For money, I mean?” he asked as his hand rested on the doorhandle, “because I can…”

“I’ll be fine Buck, I always am”.

“Yeah doll, I know”, he said softly.

Neither of you said goodbye. Maybe it was too hard to actually say the word out loud. Speak it into existence and accept its reality. So, he just nodded at you, and you smiled back, and you tried not to think about the tears glistening in his eyes or that painful tugging in your chest.

A few seconds later he was gone, and then it was as if he’d never been there at all.

[spdrvyn]

full stomachs, fuller hearts — MIGUEL O'HARA

SUMMARY: miguel has gotten used to eating dinner by himself so you decide to change his nightly routine.

THIS FIC CONTAINS: literally nothing but pure unaldulterated fluff. gender neutral terms mostly but querido is used once.

NOTES: OKAY so this was actually a request for someone but i was a dumbass and accidentally POSTED the draft when i meant to save it for later, i panicked and deleted the post so now i lost the request from my inbox forever 💔 whoever that dude was i hope you find this and i hope you enjoy

Lonely dinners were always a common occurence for Miguel.

That was just how things are. After a long and drawn out day of protecting the multiverse, protecting the city, protecting everything that he's built up and coming home to a desolate penthouse.

It was the norm for him, he had grown accustomed to it. Being isolated in general wasn't a foreign concept to him, but you brought more change to his life that he thought he would hate.

He loves you a lot. You two had been in a committed relationship for a few months now but haven't moved in yet. The every few hours during a day that you would get to visit him or perhaps he could swing by to your apartment were the only times he felt some sense of warmth in his cold, silent life.

It's not like he didn't want to ask you to move in, he does. Oh, so badly. It's just that the constant fear that he's going too fast or getting too excited over this newfound love. He doesn't want to scare you away.

There was also just a small part of him that was getting too used to being around you. It's gone to the fact that whenever he ate dinner, he'd always imagine you on the other side of that table, laughing and sharing stories about how you're day went.

When he snapped out of it, the sight of the empty chair across him brought his spirits down even more.

You were aware of this too.

Which was why you were up at the wee hours of the night, trying to watch an online video recipe for making empanadas. You knew how to cook enough meals to get by but you wanted to try something different for Miguel.

The bar was set a little bit higher this time. You've been over at Miguel's place before and he has cooked for you and every single time you've tried his dishes they were utterly delectable.

You didn't only want to make all of this food for him just because he's constantly eating alone but because he's really expanded your tastebuds ever since you two developed a much more intimate relationship. You could at least owe him one homecooked dinner.

Reminders to yourself, thank Lyla for letting you in and don't blow up Miguel's penthouse.

As you followed the tutorial step-by-step, you couldn't help but let your mind wander a little further. You wondered how Miguel was doing right now.

Yes, he's strong and agile in an almost inhuman way but at the same time you still worried for him. If only he could be here right now, you'd love to have the opportunity to cook with him.

He was grateful that you weren't in the present moment with him right now, his stomach growl in anticipation for it's next meal as he was running and swinging from rooftop to rooftop to get back to his penthouse.

There were many obstacles that he encountered on the way back. The classic old lady getting her purse snatched which gave him severe déjà vu, a bank robbery, and a cat stuck in a tree.

He grew progressively exhausted with each stop, not forgetting that he had his actual duties at the headquarters that he just left from. Sore muscles and a throbbing head, a painful combo for Miguel.

Maybe he should just skip dinner altogether and opt to immediately pass out on his bed, showering in the morning and having a very heavy breakfast. Yeah, that would work...

He glares into the window of his penthouse, not because he was hesitant to make the jump but because the lights were open. He was sure that he left all of his rooms in complete darkness before leaving.

With one final jump, his claws dig into the edge of his window as he pulls himself up. His eyes narrow, in attempts of getting a good peek of what exactly was going on.

An intruder, a home invasion, Lyla having a party without telling him were all of his possible theories.

What he didn't expect was to see you setting up his plate on his kitchen island, plates of delicious smelling food prepared as well.

There was an intrusion, that's for sure. The intrusion of blush on his cheeks, which he quickly had to shake as he took his mask off.

However, as quickly as it disappeared, it came back once he saw the look on your face the moment you noticed his presence.

Pure glee and warmth is how he'd describe it. It's also how he'd describe the embrace that you immediately pull him into, throwing the silverware that you were readying.

It's not like he hesitated to touch you either, he wrapped his arms around you. So glad that he gets to bask in your existence again, bask in you.

"What's all this, querido?"

You separate from Miguel for a brief moment before walking over to the kitchen counter, proudly showing off your creations. "Empanadas and menudo!"

It was like stars clouded Miguel's vision as it all goes through his mind. You came to his house, fixed up a whole meal for him, and for what? He doesn't remember getting you any gifts recently.

So why?

"Are you just going to stare or are you going to try one?" chuckled you, at least it got Miguel to snap out of his daze. His hands reaches out to one of the empanadas and he takes a bite.

Okay, if he was being honest, he's tasted much better before.

But you put so much thought, so much time, and so much care into making this for him. All of those qualities overshadowed the taste and dryness of it, filling his stomach with something else entirely.

This was probably one of the best empanadas he's ever tasted.

"It's really good." He says, swallowing the last of his food, "Best that one I've ever tasted, mi cielo." Then leaning in to press a small kiss to your forehead, warm hand cupping your cheek.

"You're just saying that, Miguel. I tasted them before you got here and they're really dry."

"Still the best I've ever tasted."

He continues to plant kisses on you, trailing from your forehead to the bridge of your nose to your cheek then boarding at your lips, you giggle into the kiss but before it progresses any further, he stops and pulls away.

"Do you want to move in with me?"

request rules here, masterlist here

[ahmoseinarus]

Why I'm not okay with Vax'leth...

okay, hear me out before you come for me, "their love was used to break the world"ers, cuz I'm seriously not trying to start a fight... First and foremost... this is only my opinion. And my opinion has absolutely no bearing on your thoughts, views, opinions, or what is canon. The Eight Nerdy-Ass Voice Actors have spoken: Vax'leth is canon, end of story. And I'm certainly not going to say Vax'leth shippers are wrong, or stupid, blah blah blah... hell no. That is not my place, nor my right (well, legally it is my right, but my personal morals and feelings on the matter say that it's a dick move, so). I don't care who you ship (as long as it ain't pedophilia). That's the beauty of fandoms. We can all have our thoughts, ideas, opinions, and somewhere, find someone of like mind to share them with. Second, yes. I ship Perc'ildan... But I also ship Vax'more. Hell, when I was watching Campaign 1, Vax gave Percy a big ol' smooch on the cheek, Liam said "Percy and Vax, people! Ship it!" I said "O, captain, my captain!" and never looked back. But otherwise, there wasn't much else in canon to go off of. Not like there was with Vax & Gilmore. Very quickly, the chemistry there blew me away, I was shipping them so damn fast, and I had so much hope for them! But then... "You know I'm in love with you, right?"

💔 ... that single, Iconic moment that kicked off the Vax'leth joy for nearly a decade for so many, was a moment of shattered hopes and heartbreak for me. And it came out nowhere! I was not expecting it! I knew people were shipping them (I was not in online communities yet, I got into the fandom very late, they were between C2 & C3 when I started watching C1) but I didn't know how the campaign ended, I didn't know if anyone ended up together... I had not recognized any interest between those two characters except for one brief moment, when Vax went unconscious in the fight with the Briarwoods in Emon... He pictured his mother, his sister... and Keyleth. And I thought "oh god, please don't go there." And for a couple more eps, it seemed okay, but then he dropped that line...

"You know I'm in love with you, right?"

... fuck.

Part of me wanted to stop watching. But that was silly and childish. And holy shit, the Briarwood Arc. I think I paused, though, and stared at the ceiling and had a silent mental tantrum. Later, watching him pseudo-break up with Gilmore from their pseudo-thing that was never really official to begin with, because of what looked unrequited love, left me feeling nauseous. And... it never got better. Nothing about Vax and Keyleth ever felt right.

Now, I wasn't particularly happy about Perc'ahlia either, but... I was okay with it. I mean, damn, Laura and Tal played it well, Vex & Percy had the chemistry... They came together, they said "yes, you are what I want", and "Lady in the streets, tiger in the sheets" Vex said "Great, let's fucking go," grabbed Percy by the short & curlies and has been dragging him around, plucking his flower ever since, and making him a very, very happy man. But I digress. No, Vax'leth just never felt right. The chemistry wasn't there. They always seemed just a bit out of synch, never quite in harmony with each other... I know the arguments have been made before. Keyleth and Vax felt forced; yeah, they really did. They were awkward; yeah, I mean, Keyleth was already socially awkward, Marisha played that brilliantly, but this was... more. Vax carried everything; yyyyeah, he did. He seemed desperate to make it work. Sure. I saw all of that. Every single one of "their moments" was so incredibly uncomfortable for me to watch, it was almost unbearable... There were a couple of times when I physically squirmed in response. But... why? I didn't have this response to Percy & Vex... I see Perc'ahlia fanart online, I've even read a couple of Perc'ahlia fics... but Vax'leth? I actively avoid it... I've never read anything that might include it... I block the tag on every platform, because stumbling across fanart with them in any... intimate position just brings a visceral cringe reaction from me... ... But... I'm fine with Percy/Grog. Or Percy/Tary. Or Vax/Grog. I've read a Vex/Percy/Grog. I'm down with Vex/Zahra/Kash... Vex/Percy/Zahra. o.o I've read Polymachina where it's "hm... whose bed am I sleeping in tonight?" And that's where I figured it out... because whenever characters started getting mix-matched up together, occasionally I'd find myself skipping stuff, just "oof, no, not interested in giving that paring/threesome/grouping a chance..." And I finally realized it all had the same thing in common. It was Keyleth herself. And between that, and watching C3, I started to realize something. Or recognize something. There was something about Keyleth that was resonating with me. There was something about her, that I was relating to. And once I figured it out, I couldn't believe it had taken me so long to see it. Keyleth full on fucking screams Aromantic Asexual so hard!

And she doesn't even know it herself!!!

This is an incredible woman of strength, power, wisdom and compassion. She is one of the leading figures in the entire world. Her life has been nothing but a journey of seeking knowledge, and power, and self-control, and wisdom and leadership. She has had incredible burdens and responsibilities heaped upon her shoulders since she was just a girl. Her Aramente was supposed to be about finding herself, yes, but that's also what the journey of life is. I realized that the reason that Vax'leth made me so uncomfortable, was because I recognized what I was seeing. I was watching Keyleth, who had no understanding of herself, and who had not yet had the time to explore and figure herself out, being confronted with someone that she cared about, expressing feelings for her, and she was going through the motions of trying to to respond. She was just doing what she thought she was supposed to do, playing the part she was supposed to play, and even wanted to play, because this! This is what people do! This is part of what everyone gets to have! Something that is normal, but special, and just for her, in this otherwise insane, overwhelming chaos that is the rest of her life, with the world crashing down around her... "This is what I'm supposed to do! I care for this person, he cares for me, he loves me, so I'm supposed to fall in love with him! That's what's happening! I'm supposed to do this! This is what I'm supposed to say! Is this what it's supposed to feel like when we hold hands? I'm probably just nervous and overreacting. This is what we're supposed to do. Yes, we're supposed to kiss. I'm supposed to like it. Yes, act like I like it, tell him I like it, tell myself I like it, this is what I want because I care about him, and this is what you do when you care about someone!"

At some point, you start to question. "... is it... really supposed to fee like this? Is this really what I want? Is this really love? Or... OMG have I just been playing along because I'm trying to conform to the expectations of society... and myself?!" It's confusing... because you genuinely do want it!!! Until you realize... that you don't. And then you're just confused. And trying to figure out why. Maybe you weren't really in love? Maybe you didn't really want it with this person? Or... did you ever really want it at all?

Let me tell you, some of the best smut fanfiction is written by asexuals, in case you didn't know that. There is a big difference between loving sex, and loving the idea of sex. Or loving romance, and wanting to have your own. There are so many written works of love and romance and erotic, explicit sex, being written by people who can't get enough of reading and writing it... but have no interest in having that themselves... But I'm sure quite a few of us went through the motions in our youth, of dating, kissing, or even a bit more, before we realized OMG no, keep it out of my reality and in fiction, please. Keyleth never had the fucking chance. Perhaps in their year off between the Conclave and the final Arc she started to wonder and question... I think at some point, maybe on a Talks Machina, Liam did say that Vax and Keyleth's relationship was mostly asexual. But then, of course... Vax was gone.

I wonder if he knew, on some level... Especially after his deal with the Matron. That as much as she loved him, it was not as much as she thought she did. Or, if I may, even as much as Marisha loved Vax. Maybe Keyleth has figured herself out by now... maybe she hasn't... In Dalen's Closet, she asked the Champion how she is supposed to get over him if he keeps sending her Ravens. But I can't help wondering if she isn't clinging to Vax's memory, in part, because as long as she is still grieving him, it gives her an excuse to not move on. If she hasn't moved on, and isn't moving forward in a state where someone might be trying to catch her eye, she won't have to deal with that self-reflection, and start to question if what she had with him was ever real to begin with, or just another lie she was telling herself. I have to wonder if she is ready to see and accept that part of herself. It takes a lot of time. I was in my mid thirties by the time I realized I was on the asexual spectrum. And nearly 40 when I realized I was aromantic. And now, looking at Keyleth as an Aromantic Asexual, everything just seemed to slot into place, and make sense for her, and everything that bugged me about her suddenly... doesn't anymore. I've always enjoyed Keyleth's character, outside of Vax'leth. But I'm curious, if I go back and rewatch C1 now, with this perspective, while I will certainly never like it, and will certainly never ship it... I wonder if I can at least find some peace in it. But, for those of you who think I'm stark raving mad, that Zephrah is for lovers, and the Raven & the Tempest is the love story for the ages, well... You've waited a long time for LoVM Season 3! Enjoy and savor every Vax'leth moment you get!!! But I will respectfully be filtering them out, and shall let you have your moments of triumph and delight in peace.

💖Fandom is for Shippers (Canon Compliance not required) -Responses are fine, I just ask that you bear in mind all I have put forth is my opinion, and nothing more, and I have tried to do so in a manner that is respectful to those that I know will likely not share my opinion. Should someone feel the need to come back at me with considerably less respect than I have shown, well... then in the words of one Pike Trickfoot in LoVM S1 E01... "Easy Grog... we don't waste our time on talking assholes, remember?"

[cxrveaux]

Because my dumb bitch ass binge watched CBS ghosts and ended up getting so into it, I made an ENTIRE SELF INSERT OC. (help me.) but now that I’m here on tumblr I might as well rant about said character to anyone interested 💔

His name is Elijah Anderson and he’s some 14 year old from 1999 who had been living in the Bronx before being abandoned on the property by his parents and dying of hypothermia 15 hours later. He’s elusive and has trust issues due to being abandoned by his parents and spent 25 years in the forest around the mansion hence why nobody is really aware of his presence except for Flower who has seen him a couple of times? But she’s kind of ditsy and not entirely there so she doesn’t really bring up/remember to mention him. The way the others probably find out about his presence is due to the fact that Flower was rambling and randomly mentioned “the kid in the woods.”

At first the other ghosts + Sam thought he was a human kid due to his lack of response to Flower’s presence (which wasn’t true, Flower would typically approach Elijah but he’d end up talking her out of being near him because of her short term memory)

But when it became apparent that Jay couldn’t perceive him, the others decided that this definitely was some ghost kid who had been on the property without the others knowing. So, the other ghosts would probably try some wild ass confrontation tactics on him which would probably just drive him away further from them (since he’s already very untrusting)

Eventually they were like “Pete getcho ass out there, you actually worked with children at some point” and even though Elijah was initially weary of him, Pete managed to get some sort of explanation (ex. Him hiding in the forest for so long) and long story short just came back to the mansion. (Got a bit lazy on this part, but it’s 2 am and I’m a sleep deprived 13 year old who doesn’t know how to write, bite me)

BUT…I did end up writing every single one of his relationships with the other characters so we’re gonna put that on here too 💔

Alberta: She’s surprisingly protective and almost motherly towards Elijah. She’s entertained by him poking fun at people (bonus points if directed at Isaac), and takes pride in his enjoyment of jazz music.

Pete: He’s probably the nicest to Elijah out of everyone. He’s very understanding of his trauma and helped him get more comfortable interacting with the others.

Trevor: They have a fairly strong bond with each other. Elijah is a bit disinterested in his whole “omg women” shtick, but they definitely pull pranks on the others together.

Hetty: She thinks Elijah is a bit abrasive and tries to avoid him mostly, which gave him the idea that she flat out doesn’t like him. This also makes her fall victim to a lot of his and Trevor’s antics.

Isaac: He’s an easy target to Elijah, and probably nothing more (because he’s gay and smelly 💔). However, I did think of an idea of Elijah being a closeted bisexual and turning to Isaac for advice.

Flower: Flower is pretty oblivious to his presence for the most part, even though she was the one who found him while she was frolicking outside. However, I don’t feel like Elijah would pick on her as much? Mainly since he thinks she’s really nice and doesn’t want to deal with Thor.

Thor: He’s definitely the most annoyed by this bitch ass child and would not think TWICE about throwing Elijah out the window. No silver lining, he’s just annoyed by this kid. He consistently also does this thing where he puts him on top of the fridge so he can’t get down unless he jumps off. The only thing I can see those two getting along about is watching bugs.

Sasappis: They probably just tolerate eachother. Sas occasionally will also partake in Trevor and Elijah’s pranks? But Elijah has too much damn respect for him to throw daggers at Sas (also because he knows that Sas knows how to insult people back and doesn’t want to risk that because he’s emotionally unstable)

Nigel: They’re cool with eachother? Like they both enjoy watching bugs (and they both like Spice Girls) but he also probably looks to Nigel for advice.

Nancy: Elijah is TERRIFIED of Nancy along with the other cholera ghosts. If homeboy had the choice between reliving freezing to death and going down into the boiler room, he’d choose death.

and to conclude here’s some extra headcanons about him because I have NOTHING but time.

-He’s constantly trembling uncontrollably as a side effect of being out in the cold for so long.

-His breath fogs up everywhere he goes

-Regardless of whether someone’s a ghost or not, just him being present is like “ayo did it get colder in here?”

-Any living that passes through him becomes inexplicably cold for a short period of time.

-He tends to communicate through ASL because he’s semiverbal anyways and his voice is permanently nasally.

-He is autistic and dyspraxic.

-He REALLY likes Garfield. Like he has encyclopedic knowledge on that damn cat.

[autism-swagger]

OKAY IM CAVING A LITTLE BIT!!! From one obsessor to another..... I am asking for the biggest info dump on AoS possible w\out any major spoilers 🙏

OH BOY!!!!

I love you for this thank you so much 🙏

Putting this under a read more because it's long.

Okay SO the official plot of Agents of SHIELD is as follows: The worldwide law-enforcement organization known as S.H.I.E.L.D. (Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division) employs an elite team of agents who investigate strange occurrences around the globe and beyond. Its members -- each of whom brings a specialty to the group -- work to protect those who cannot protect themselves from extraordinary and inconceivable threats.

(Totally didn't copy and paste that from google.)

The first season takes place in 2013, very soon after the events of the first Avengers film. Over the course of the first episode, we're introduced to our main cast of characters.

(There's more main characters introduced in later seasons, but this is just the season 1 cast.)

(Also it's important to note that everyone in this show is allergic to first names, and most characters just go by their last name.)

PHIL COULSON

A very high ranking member of SHIELD, Coulson has been tasked with putting together a team of specialists to travel the world, responding to threats before they become Avengers level bad. He's the leader of the team, and was first introduced in Iron Man 1. He was a reoccurring character in the first couple MCU movies, before being killed in The Avengers. Except surprise! He's not actually dead! The official story is that he was resuscitated shortly after his death, but you slowly start to realize that something isn't quite right... Figuring out what really happened is one of the main plot lines of season 1.

MELINDA MAY

She's the pilot for their plane (aka the Bus). When Coulson recruited her to the team, she was working behind a desk at SHIELD, but before that she was a field agent. Some mysterious past event traumatized her so badly that she left it all behind, but over the course of season 1 (and beyond) she slowly starts to heal and reenter the field.

GRANT WARD

He's recruited to the team as the specialist, aka the person who does all of the cool spy stuff (espionage, infiltration, combat, etc. May was a specialist before she left the field.) He's grumpy and more than a bit of an asshole, but he has a surprising amount of depth and nuance to him. I actually think he's a pretty cool character.

JEMMA SIMMONS AND LEO FITZ

Two halves of a whole, to the point where everyone just calls them FitzSimmons and refers to them as if they were one person. They're the scientists of the team. Fitz is an engineer, and Simmons is a biologist/chemist. They both incredibly smart and incredibly autistic. I love them dearly. Unfortunately they are European 💔 (Br*tish and Scottish respectively.)

And finally,

SKYE

The only member who was not already a part of SHIELD before being recruited to the team. Skye is a genius level hacker who is part of an activist group known for releasing government secrets for the good of the public. She's caught by the team in episode 1 and brought in for questioning, except surprise! They only caught her because she let herself get caught. She even knows more than they do, which kicks off the main plot of season 1. Her entire backstory is a big unknown, especially to her. She was left in front of an orphanage as a baby, and is trying to figure out where she came from. It's a major plot point in the first 2 seasons.

This show is legitimately so good, and you don't really need to know anything about the mainline MCU to follow along.

It's about the found family! It's about the love changing everything and nothing at the same time! It's about the unluckiest bastards in the multiverse!

[kuruna]

Another AZ and Xanthos post from my priv:

Part of why I'm so invested in the AZ Xanthos brotherhood is bc I'm sentimental and I like the idea of them being able to find a way to move forward despite all the hurt that's between them 😭

Earlier I was writing about how Xanthos is kind of forced to pick up the pieces after the Ultimate Weapon is used. AZ abandoned Kalos after giving Xanthos his title 💔 Xanthos becomes king (which is what he wanted to begin with...), but he is king of a Kalos that is completely ravaged by war.

Xanthos buries the Ultimate Weapon, but he also has to work to restore all that was destroyed in the war. And so without cease, he sets to fixing what he can. Of course, he can't do everything on his own... But he feels like he HAS to (some kind of self inflicted punishment for starting the war in the first place, maybe...). And while Xanthos Is able to restore some things, Kalos never again reaches the state of flourishing and advancement it once was in until some thousand years later.

Despite doing something Very impressive (preventing Kalos from falling into complete collapse), Xanthos still feels like he failed, nevermind the fact that the odds would've been against him no matter what. So when Xan does see AZ again for the first time some hundred years later, he is Angry 😭 angry at himself for his perceived failure but also angry at his brother for his abandonment...

AZ is angry too but for different reasons...at the time, he does blame Xanthos for Floette dying and the misery that came afterwards. Xanthos wasn't as close to Floette, so AZ doesn't even consider the fact that Xan mourned her and missed her as well. He assumes that Xan didn't care, but he did, he cared so much... unfortunately he's the kind of guy who processes grief by pretending like everything is okay.

And in fact a lot of Xan's own sadness comes from the fact that he didn't feel close to his own family. It was partly his own fault, too. He was so concerned with being accepted amongst his peers that he would reject the wonderful strangeness of his own family when he started to grow older. This helped him in regards to his desire for leadership but it certainly did nothing to ease his loneliness.

( When Floette returns to AZ again, and Xanthos isn't even informed about it, he feels a bit hurt despite being aware that it's irrational... Floette is closer to AZ, they were best friends growing up ... but even thousands of years later, he's still an outsider in his own family. )

[fox-buried-in-maple-leaves]

all the red asks for eloi :3

YOU HATE ME...

Ask Game!

then i put this off for days whoopsies

Pua belongs to @/ha-ule-nalu

Silver belongs to @/cat-buried-in-tall-grass

❤️ (heart) - Who is the most important person to your character? To what lengths would they go to protect this person?

Three. (later four) Gabriel, Colombe, Pua, then eventually Silver.

Eloi made sure all of their father's anger was centered on him rather than Gabriel. He made sure when he disappeared that Gabriel wouldn't get hurt. He did everything for Gabriel.

Colombe was his soulmate, his one true love. He was a very big activist for accepting Radiants back in the day.

Pua was and mostly is the only person to ever call him on the truth. Fade did to some degree, but she didn't do it in any meaningful way. Pua did. It was a conscious choice to die for her, rather than anyone else.

Silver started as a means to an end. He wasn't supposed to get so important. He wasn't supposed to care when Eloi died. But he did. He did and that made Eloi more aware.

Ultimately, there is no length Eloi /won't/ go. He will kill, he will die, he will make sure nothing happens to the people he loves.

💔 (broken heart) - Who has your character hurt most? Physically or emotionally? How did it feel? Do they regret it?

And that's because he was the one that killed Colombe.

At this point, Eloi, the Painter of Bayeux, Scientist for Kingdom, has killed plenty of people. But none were hurt so badly as his fiancee.

The mental break that caused him to kill her and the resulting spiral has ruined him. Regret isn't enough to describe what Eloi feels.

There's a reason he hides his skin and covers his hands. Her art takes up half of his body, and the evidence of her fighting back scarred his hand permanently. She trusted him, she loved him. And he couldn't take the pressure.

🌹 (rose) - What does your oc find attractive in other people? Are these traits found in their friends and/or romantic partners? Are they found in themselves?

Determination is the biggest one. People who will go to any lengths to complete their goals and ambitions. These traits are found in everyone he has a connection to except for himself.

🎈 (balloon) - What does your character do at parties? Are they a wallflower or a party animal? Do they go with friends or alone?

Eloi is an incredible undercover spy. He was a famous artist at one point, well known and well respected and well loved. He knows how to play the part, and he does it exceptionally well.

He doesn't go to parties of his own volition. Usually he's dragged there for work or by somebody else. But he's charming. Really charming.

🍷 (wine) - Does your oc drink? What kind of alcohol do they enjoy? What are their drinking habits? What kind of drunk are they?

Yeah he drinks heavily. Eloi doesn't change much between sober and drunk. He might be a bit more melancholic when he's fully drunk, but he's pretty much his same quiet self.

He drinks as frequently as an agent of valorant can.

❗️(exclamation point) - What was the scariest moment of your character’s life? Does it still affect them?

When he woke up the next morning with Colombe's blood all over him and his entire studio destroyed. Of course it still affects him lol

🥩 (steak) - Does your oc have any coping mechanisms? Healthy or unhealthy?

Almost all of them are unhealthy, to hammer in he's suicidal. He actively self harms in the traditional sense but also he drinks heavily, he smokes heavily, he'll pretty much never turn down any drug offer though doesn't necessarily seek it out himself.

He needs therapy but uhm hahaha.

🥀 (wilted flower) - How does your character deal with stressful situations? Is their fear response fight, flight, freeze or fawn?

Fight.

🍓 (strawberry) - Does your oc believe in anything? Are they superstitious? Religious? Atheistic? Has anything in their past made them this way?

If God was real then where was he? Where was this so called God when everything that happened happened? Where was God when his father beat him and where was God when the only person he loved died?

God is a scam.

💋 (kiss) - Is your oc a good kisser? Have they kissed anyone before? Do they even enjoy kissing? What was their first kiss like in comparison to their most recent?

Very good kisser! He's a slut. He enjoys it somewhat, it isn't his favourite thing though. Eloi prefers biting to kissing.

His first kiss was when he was 13 and Colombe made fun of him for not knowing how to do it or where to put his hands. So you know, in comparison he's not longer a child!

🍒 (cherries) - Does your character have a best friend? How long have they known each other? What do they like most about each other? How did they meet?

No, not anymore lmaooo

🚨 (siren) - What’s your character’s relationship with the law? Have they ever been arrested? What for? What are their opinions on law enforcement?

UHM.

WELL. He IS a serial killer so.........

But that being said he did get away with Colombe's murder. And several others. And technicallyllylylly his city's law department didn't even catch him, Kingdom did. And then locked him in solitary for a long ass time before letting him out to do their dirty work for them.

But I mean yeah he was arrested for SEVERAL murders.

He hates cops though. Very adamant about the fact he's not a fucking cop. Cops r on his RADAR. watch out.

(Can you tell the police were called on his father's abusive behaviour and did nothing but scold Gabriel for calling?)

💄 (lipstick) - What does your oc think of their face? Do they have a positive or negative opinion? Do they wear makeup? Do they have a skincare routine? What traits do they like most about their face?

Eloi knows he's attractive lol- He likes his face, its a good face. He wears eyeshadow/eyeliner sometimes for fun but rarely wears makeup even if he has a breakout he j kinda leaves it.

He does wash his face before bed every night but thats about it

He likes his eyes and lips, v nice.

🍎 (apple) - Does your oc go to school or take classes? Did they go to college? What was/is their favorite subject? Did/do they get good grades? Did/do they enjoy school?

His education is high school graduate and that's it. His least favourite subject was ART lmao- His favourite was art history tho- He got good grades! He would have liked a further education but his career took precedent.

🐞 (ladybug) - What does a perfect day look like for your oc? What do they do? Who do they see?

Drunk on the couch watching the future version of masterchef. maybe he gets laid, maybe he doesn't. but this is the good shit

☎️ (telephone) - Does your character know anyone’s phone number by heart? Do they prefer calling or texting? Who’s their favorite person to call/text? Do they have any typing quirks?

He knows Pua's and the only reason he does is to scare her with silent phonecalls from like those fake number websites online lol

Eloi prefers to text. He doesn't have a favourite person to contact though. He types politely

🥊 (boxing glove) - Has your character ever been in a fight? Did they win? Do they fight often? Are they professionally trained or self taught? Do they enjoy fighting or only do so when necessary?

He wins a lot. And he gets into fights a lot. Not so much with his victims anymore because "where did that bruise come from?" was tiring. so he requests his victims partially sedated.

He doesn't enjoy it though. I mean how can you enjoy a constant psychotic break-

Now that he's with the protocol, he has professional training.

🧣(scarf) - What comforts your oc? Is it an item? An action? A person? Whatever it is, how any why does it comfort them?

Painting. The brush against the canvas calms him. It helps that his canvases and brushes are uhm. Homemade.. So they're his comfort items. Doesn't let anybody else touch his equipment.

👠 (heels) - How does your oc dress? Are they stylish or casual? Do they keep up with trends or do their own thing? Do they prefer designer clothes or going to the thrift store? Do they have a signature item of clothing?

Eloi tends to dress up, he's always dressed relatively well. He doesn't care about trends or where he gets his clothes, he just likes looking put together.

His signature items are the various ribbons he ties his hair with and the fact he always wears two separate types of gloves. And the two gloves change, so he clearly has a bunch.

🍄 (mushroom) - Does your character like being in nature or do they prefer the indoors? Do they have any outdoor hobbies like camping or fishing? If they prefer the indoors, why?

Eloi is an introverted artist with no life, of course he prefers being inside. He only goes outside when he needs to think or needs to be alone.

His favourite spot is the roof. Nobody goes up there, and he gets to be alone.

🩸 (blood) - Is your oc squeamish? Are they disturbed by the sight of blood? Have they ever been in a situation where they had to overcome being squeamish?

✂️ (scissors) - Has your character ever cut their own hair? What about someone else’s? How did it turn out?

Oh god yeah no don't let him do it.

🎸 (electric guitar) - What’s your character’s music taste like? Do they have one or two artists they play on repeat or do they have a varied and eclectic collection of music? Do they like mainstream artists or prefer underground musicians? What genres do they enjoy?

I'm sorry, Eloi is the kind of guy who hits the youtube playlist remix thing and lets it play. he just needs background noise.

🎒 (backpack) - What items does your oc usually carry? Do they have a bag or just keep everything in their pockets? Do they carry a lot or a little?

Palette knife, a sketchbook, and a pencil. He keeps the knife and pencil in his pocket and his book under his arm.

🪓 (axe) - Does your oc have survival skills? Have they ever had to use them? What would they do in an apocalypse? Could they survive?

Yes many. When you grow up in an abusive household you have far more survival skills than you realise. And Eloi has applied them many times. He'd be fine in an apocalypse, sure, but he'd try to kill himself. again.

[doctorweebmd]

Because I’m nosey for the author ask…Hope you don’t mind :-)

🙋🏻‍♀️❌💔💲

ahhh NO THIS ISNT NOSINESS i LOVE oversharing get ready and also THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS!!! it was super fun and distracted me from the agony that is writing plot and remembering that its sunday night 🥺

🙋‍♀️ - do any real-life people know what I write fanfic? Uhhh. My husband does but I've never let him read any of it. I do tell people that I write 'fiction' in my spare time, because its like, my one hobby, but definitely don't extrapolate. i'm making the assumption that most people in the medical field don't know shit about ao3 but i also know for a FACT that there are multiple weeb sleeper agents out there. doing medicine. while weebing. BUT. i'm sure if anyone recognized any of my stuff it would be a 'what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament' situation haha

❌ - a trope i will never write? Probably alpha/beta/omega stuff. Some people do them really well and I've certainly read really great ABO, but its one of those dynamics that I would never want to voluntarily explore. Its actually the one tag I actively filter out when looking for new fic. On that same note, Pregnancy/Kidfic. Babies and parenting give me the major ick (this may be colored heavily by the fact that i dont want children and am at that age where people keep ASKING ABOUT IT.) tbh i'm also not much of a fantasy person or historical person, so a lot of hybrid/mermaid/royalty AUs are a no for me. and, probably most controversially? established relationship. listen i am here for the drama i dont care about healthy loving domestic stuff! i want miscommunication! i want pining! i want discovering each other for the first time! i want fumbling and blushing!!!

.... wow there are a LOT of things i dont think i'd write lol yikes.

💔 - Is there a fic of yours that broke your heart? Not to be predictable but yeah. Zero-sum game. In part because it was a very vulnerable place of writing emotionally - both because i had not, for many years, tapped into my own mental health experiences for fear of it being triggering while writing, but also partially because i was working in the icu during peak covid and everyone was dying and it was so fucking depressing and demoralizing. I teared up at a couple of scenes - this ended up super long so i'm going to break it down by chapter:

Chapter 7 when Katsuki walked by the bar his friends were having a reunion at, Jirou ran out to get him and Kirishima stopped her, saying 'we have to let him go.'

Chapter 12, Katsuki asking - are you afraid? And Zero looking up at the sky saying - Am I afraid? And then reciting that poem. 'Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light. I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.' That scene I can see so so vividly in my head, hear their voices, intonations, expressions - and it breaks my heart. The tent scene at the end of Chapter 12, too - 'Do you think that's what love feels like?' 'Fuck if I know.' FUCK ME UP. ARHGHH S.

Chapter 15 - Mitsuki saying 'But you’re gonna eventually have to find a way to love people without hurting them. Or you’re going to end up alone.' and Katsuki having a breakdown after. Then later in the chapter, Inko asking '“… I wonder, sometimes. Who he would become if he never met you.” WHAT THE FUCKKKKK

Chapter 19 - god. Where do I even start. The entire confession scene is like punch after punch to the ribcage. Specifically:

"How does Katsuki explain that the first time in his life he considered he might be in love is when hands he’s dreamt off for nearly twenty years (Now just the one. Half is gone, because it has to be, because to be complete is to give Katsuki more than he deserves) wrapped themselves around his throat, making him wonder if love might be a bit like dying, might be a bit like that last fucking breath when nothing in the goddamn world can feel more cathartic - that last strawberry, the last sip of water, the last bullet in the chamber - and they bled and fought and fucked and destroyed each other and nothing has ever felt to pure and perfect and devastating and absolutely holy - if that’s not love, then what the hell is?"

and

"“Yeah. Yeah, that’s right. I love you and I’m walking away from you and I never want to see you again. Okay? I never want to see you again.”

AND

“…What am I supposed to do now?” Inko Midoriya whispers out to the street. No more fretting, no more restless nights, no more ‘what if’s.’ Her son is back, but despite that, she’s still alone. They both are.

“I don’t know.” Katsuki responds honestly.

“Find something else to live for, I guess.”

Chapter 23 - the proposal scene. Specifically:

'Not because you saved me physically – and you did, you did, you’re always saving me, and I’m always saving you, I fuckin’ know, we’ll always save each other because that’s who we are, but it's more than that. Its more.'

AND

“But you need to know – you need to. That, with all of me, I love who you were, I love who you are, and I love who you’re becoming.”

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you. No matter how short, no matter how painful, no matter how fucking temporary all of this is. I want to experience it with you.”

“Marry me.”

AND. Finally and most of all. The authors note at the end. Even re-reading it now, its so raw. I think about this a lot:

'It all anchors on the belief that you can still be who you want to be. The belief that ‘broken’ people can get better. The belief, the ever present faith - because it has to be faith, because all tangible things are friable but not faith, not this - that you can be found. That you are not irredeemable. That there is a future worth fighting for.'

I have moments from 'we will wait and wait in that space' and 'nothing else fills' that made me tear up, but it still won't match the raw levels of emotion and vulnerability that was channeled in zero-sum. even now, years later, its still my heart.

Wow sorry this got SUPER long. but i loved going through zero-sum and picking out my favorite scenes so thank you for that :) :) :)

💲 - would i ever open commissions? gosh no, probably not. i'm not great at one-shots and deadlines and i work super inconsistent hours and tbh i have minimal confidence in the consistency of my writing to offer it as a service. i'm also very lucky to be pretty secure financially so i wouldn't have that kind of external driving force. but i'm very flattered that that's even a question. 🥺 id happily give away all my mind-vomit for free.

AHHHH i'm sorry this is so long THANK YOU FOR INDULGING ME i adore you ❤️

[1d1195]

SAMANTHA BE SO FUCKING FOR REAL RIGHT NOW?!?! WTF?!?!?! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO US😭 I AM SPRIALING!!!

okay long story short I got locked out of my tumblr account bc i don't know what happened?? anyways i just got access about half an hour ago so I went to see your blog and girl... WTF PART 6 WAS SO GOOD!

I was LIVING for the angst at the beginning! I don't think it felt forced at all if anything they both have met their match in terms of stubbornness and as a stubborn girly this aspect was very familiar for me lol Harry calling her out on not opening up and not accepting help? he kinda went off lol But dare I say I enjoyed it a bit simply because then angst lol BUT did i feel attacked? YES!

Anywaysss her breakdown later on... bestie :( it broke my heart how much guilt she carries with her! And as someone who deal with having too much guilt it is HELL going through life and thinking everything wrong with yourself and the ppl around you is your fault! and the situation with her dad?!?!?! HELLO?!?! 💔 and her MOM💔 I am a hater :)

But so glad that it got resolved and having them talk it out and just Harry not giving up on her and her not trying to distance herself again! and Harry talking with her dad😭 I cant! I really enjoyed their little moment together!

NOW THAT FUCKING BOXING MATCH I KNEW SHIT HAD TO GO DOWN BUT FUCK ASS JACK COMING BACK??!?😭😭😭😭 SAM WHY?!?!? heart DROPPED when I read that! I felt like grabbing towels was not gonna end good but HIM ew i cant! I AM FREAKING OUT FOR HER!!!!

You did so great bestie!!! I never doubt you!

also I missed you this week! I hope you are starting to feel a bit better now! May is almost over so you will be free soon! Hope you are treating yourself, love you lots!-💜

The Government name SENDS me every time 🤣 I know I've been waiting to hear what you think I assumed classes and such were overwhelming (and I'm sure they still are!) but LOCKED OUT OF TUMBLR??? I would pass away. Soooooo glad you're back 💕

Oh twin, I get you. I like to make Harry call out my MCs every once in a while just because I need someone to call me out every now and again. I think if I were dating Harry and he told me off I might HAVE to listen. (But no other man, thank you.)

Thank you for saying it didn't feel forced I really appreciate that! I was def nervous and thought it was just kind of rushed/it came out of nowhere, but again I'm the only one in my head coming up with 1000 different scenarios a minute to continue the story so you all don't get to see the montage of changes in half a second.

Idk what possessed me to come up with such a scenario. I suppose the AP Literature girl in me would probs say a really tragic backstory is symbolic in some way of how I'm feeling and allow me to vent my own frustrations/guilt in an outlet like this. I also don't have the best dad-daughter relationship and I wanted to make this one nicer but still kinda sad. Idk. I'm REALLY glad you liked it 💕

I did try to warn you all that the cliffhangers prior in the story were nothing in comparison to this part hehehehehe 🤭 I didn't really know how to end this series tbh so this seemed... the most plausible/best way? I'm already starting to think about

I'm glad you liked it even if you had to use my full name 💕

My week is slightly better I suppose. I'm still pretty tired, but with no work on Monday I'm hopeful I can read a trashy book and do something enjoyable. Thank you for being so sweet, I hope your week has been well. I missed you SO much! 💕

xoxo

[crime-bot]

okay so i definitely recommend you search what ken looks like because he looks like goro (& shido) a lot (i've always thought shido had browner-yellowy eyes and ken has brown eyes, shido's goatee? is spiky and so is ken's hair (& we can assume shido had spiky hair), its just a lot of that. ken looking more like their father and goro looking like their mom is also so real.. theyre identical twins regardless cause the differences seem tiny when theyre next to eachother (theres actually a fic called the sword & the scale and it goes into them being half-siblings its whatnstarted my ideas and its so good. the latest chapter has them talking to the PTs and everyone unable to tell them apart because they keep doing everything the same) ANYWAY. ken lore time.

ok, basically in p3 .. do you remember that dude with the rogue persona i told you about whos NOT a villain? that's shinjiro aragaki. hes really important to ken lore. ok so basically his persona's rogue: 2 years before p3 takes place (takes place 2009-2010,) on october 4th, 2007, shinjiro's persona went rogue and killed ken's mom (& made their whole building collapse.) shinjiro felt bad and quit the SEES and went back to living on the streets (he was previously at an orphanage before the SEES but that was burnt down) and shinjiro keeps taking the persona suppressors (which are killing him. he starts wearing a beanie and heavy jacket bc hes cold all the time bc he cant regulate his temp anymore.) fast forward to 2009, where ken gets a persona called nemesis (greek goddess of revenge) and learns how to use .. i forgot what its called but its kinda like a pole? ykwim. anyway. he plans to kill shinjiro (bc he doesnt know it was an accident) for killing his mom and almost does it on october 4th 2009 when takaya (also rogue persona haver. villain. extremely gay for shinjiro & his fellow villain jin tbh. takaya makes me sad anyways) shows up and goes to kill ken, but shinjiro blocks it and gets shot and dies instead. sound familiar to one persona 5 boy? ken never kills again ( hes literally 11 in 2009 btw. goro turned 16 in 2014 when he killed wakaba. these kids were YOUNG. goro started working with shido when he was 15, since in nov he says its been almost 2 & a half years of working w eachother) and instead basically gets adopted by the kirijo group? idk its never explained but in p3 the kirijo group stages ken's mom death as a car accident (bc it originally happened in the dark hour) and the main makoto-ish girl is mitsuru kirijo (who is an icon and hates the group so we love her) but anyway we never really get an explanation with who ken is staying with, he just stays with the SEES? so im saying the kirijo adopted him.

anyway.. them as kids together would be ... very odd. hectic if they were deaged to after their mom died (& in the au goro sees she killed herself but then a few mins after the house gets fucking destroyed by castor/shinjiro's persona so ken never knows she killed herself. boy who doesnt know any jp/doesnt speak having to help his little brother who knows jp/speaks drag their mom & themselves out of the rubble of the house immediately after seeing his mom hang. doesnt say anything to his brother abt it 💔💔)

Ayy I survive! Thanks for the patience man

The wildest part is that I've Seen Ken before, multiple times, and I never really made these connections. I could definitely see them as twins, and oh man I wanna check out that fic later!

God that's wild, to be fair I've known of bits and pieces about Ken and his backstory, but nothing in great detail, so it's wild to see the bigger picture (and some more about Shinjoro! This poor guy!). A hot temper and steady will really seems to run in the family.

Dude that would be so wild!!!! I'd love to see the shit they'd get up to, as well as witness the kind of emotional processing they should've been allowed to have, with the support of the PTs and Akria's confidants. When it comes to traumatic experiences, it is crucial that there are multiple people of different kinds that the person is able to turn to after the fact to talk to and have support from

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 145

Death’s Door/The Pandorica Opens

“Death’s Door”

Plot Description: Bobby seeks the help of an unlikely old friend to solve one of the most personal cases of his life

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: well, now hang on. Because Bobby got shot last episode. He’s not quite dead. More like mostly dead, which is slightly alive. He knows he’s dying, though. I…don’t think I’d survive getting shot in the head though

Bobby’s going through the life flashing before you bit. The boys, his wife, now a hunt with Rufus

I would watch a show about young Bobby and Rufus hunting together, ngl

And now his reaper is after him

I’m not saying this is a bad episode, but things are moving really fast, too fast for comment, while also not doing much yet? There’s just a lot of nothing happening very quickly

This ghost or whatever calling him a heartbreaker in his mind scape as the boys look on extremely worried 😭😭

Is the kid young Bobby??

Omg the story of his marriage is even MORE tragic than previously thought.

Ohhhhh letting Dean have anything that resembles a normal childhood 😭

Oh Dean is spiralinggggg. I feel for him but it does make for good tv

Sammy. Oh Sammy. Being the one to have to face the reality of the situation is never a fun job.

This reaper should not be this comforting. He’s very stern about it but damn the steadfast assurance that Bobby has done enough and has earned the rest he is about to get

HE’S SO PROUD OF HIS BOYSSSSSS 😭😭😭😭😭

…did he shoot his dad in real life or just in this version of the memory? (The bad part about letting your adult characters interact with the figures in their childhood memories, especially when you have both the younger and older versions of the same character) because…he shot his dad in the same place he got shot and that feels too coincidental

Apparently he did

He held on long enough to get his message to the boys.

Watching Sam and Dean squabble like little kids as they’re about to watch movies together with Bobby is his best memory. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

RIP Bobby 💔

“The Pandorica Opens”

Plot Description: The most feared being in all the cosmos is on its way. Can the Doctor stop it?

Ok on one hand, the whole “let’s revisit all we’ve seen this season” sequence is fun, but was there any other way to get River out of jail for this excursion??

River’s got to be the worst archaeologist. I mean. I love her. She’s wonderful, but you can’t go around CREATING history and then claim to study it

It’s always funny to remember that River is actually Amy and Rory’s kid in these earlier episodes. Because Amy’s already so attached

Sure, the surprise of what’s in the Pandorica is ruined, but…that doesn’t ruin the Doctor’s speech later

Mmmmmm Amy’s starting to remember Roryyyyy

Horrifying watching the cyberman head try to assimilate Amy as its arm incapacitates the Doctor

Omg…he’s so smart and so dense at the same time.

He’s here now because he’s Amy’s favoritttttttttte

Fuuuuuuuuck I love this scene!!!! “Let someone else try first” it shouldn’t work, he literally bluffed his way out of dealing with hundreds of thousand if not millions of enemy spacecraft for a bit of time

Oh Rory…so heartbroken

And now she starting to remember himmmm even though she doesn’t know it

(Karen Gillan’s voice when it gets all deep 😍)

He’s fighting so hard to stay Rory

This is a truly a bummer ending to this episode. The Doctor is trapped in the Pandorica, semi real Rory shot Amy, and River is trapped on the exploding TARDIS

[uselessidiotsquad]

🙉, 🔫, and 💔 for Riag!

I'm coming for that angst

- @storm-called

*rubs greedy hands together* The surest way to my heart besides an axe directly to the sternum is angst >:3 Ty for the ask!

🙉 HEAR-NO-EVIL - what is the worse thing your oc could hear from someone?

Oh this one is a bit interesting because in a way, it's already happened. Finding out later that killing the dragons was a BAD thing was a shockwave of a blow for him. Finding out that, not only was the thing he'd based his entirely existence around (from even before existence if you count the Dream) damaging but also there wasn't an alternative at that point.

It's the whole drinking sea water because you're dying of thirst but only doing more damage - yet there's no other options.

That the thing he considered his existence to be formed around, that he gave everything to - mind, body, heart and soul - was harming the world because no one understood things well enough yet. Anything he decides to do, he does 100% there is no half-assing, it's either 0% or 100% and to find out the 100% did *HARM*?

Ouch and bad news bears.

🔫 PISTOL - do they trust people easily? how easily will they turn their back to someone? have they been backstabbed before? will they betray someone if given an ultimatum?

Riag doesn't trust easily, it takes a lot of work. He's more of a 'wait and see' type of person. Actions are louder than words so if they work at gaining his trust, he is less distanced but still at arms length.

As for the second part, it really depends! He does not like to see people suffering if he can help it so it would take a good deal before he turned his back to someone, even if he didn't know them/care for them. If it was someone he did care for - that would basically never happen.

Surprisingly, Riag hasn't really been backstabbed or betrayed in the most common meaning of the word. He considers the Pact to have sort of discarded him post-Commander duties and brushed him off, but nothing so serious as a betrayal.

And oh that's a tricky one. Again, if it was just a random person and he was given an ultimatum then yes he might betray them if he thought that he was doing something for the greater good. If it was one of the few people he has let into his life? Ultimatum or not - he wouldn't. He'd sooner be mulched.

💔 BROKEN HEART - what could their partner do that would absolutely break their heart?

This one gave me some trouble just because of how Riag is as a person at this point in his life. The flower boy is basically always anticipating heartbreak. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop, for something to go wrong and be his fault (even when it's not his fault, he will find a way to blame himself for it).

Riag's already sort of convinced himself it's inevitable it's just a matter of when. And because he's the picture of ride or die, most of the big heartbreaking things he wouldn't even hold it against him.

The only thing that would just completely wreck him would be for Trahearne to just leave, with no explanation, no closure. There one minute, gone the next. And have that be the end of it. That would just ruin him.

[aquagustd]

YUS you deliver every. Single. Time!!!!! Every chapter has me clutching my pearls and gasping by the end omggggffg

The first thing I wanna say is what the heck is going on at the pharmacy with the double orders I feel like something sus is happening there but why?!?! Yoongi must be in on it because oc said he’s been trying to keep her at the front desk lately while he sorts out the back!!! If it was something to do with selling the drugs illegally then is yoongi doing it with jungkook or with taehyung cause he owns the place??! (Can you remind me does tae own the pharmacy or just the building the pharmacy is in I forgot I’m so sorry!!!)

Secondly Idek how to feel about tae anymore 😭 it’s breaking my heart because I love him and oc together but i feel like he is consistently not being honest with her when he could be!! He knows oc has been a part of this whole shady underground world thing once before so it’s not like she would be shocked to learn about something shady going on in the background ya know!! I wish they would just be honest with each other 🥲

And I know we keep talking about how lots of people are team jk now that tae did something sus and i ain’t got an explanation for that because I low key am part of that crowd (I know I’m sorry 🥴) maybe it’s because finding out someone like tae who has been nothing but the perfect gentleman since the beginning, lied about such a serious thing to oc, compared to finding out jk lying about smth and it just hurts 10 times more because everyone already knows and expects jungkook to be an asshole but we never expected Tae to do it? Idk :(

Also I swear there’s this thing in psychology when for example a person A will be really really mean to person B so that later when person A does one tiny act of kindness, person B will be overly grateful and think that they’re being soo kind.. there’s literally a term for it and I can’t remember what it is but I feel like we’re all experiencing that with jungkook 😭😭😭 AND ITS ACTUALLY WORKING he’s so sneaky goddamnit 💔

And finally …… the kiss 😭😭 THE KISS OMGGGGGG i nearly died I didn’t expect him to kiss her!!!! I was sooo into the bit where she was going OFF at him like yas Gurl you tell that fucker!!!!!! And then he kissed her and she kissed back (I think?!?!) my head is spinning 🥴🥴 and don’t think I didn’t notice the bit where oc was like “why is junho surprised about seeing me kiss taehyung, surely Sora and jk have been lovely dovey in front of him before” ya because their whole relationship is a lie/business deal (allegedly) which would explain why they aren’t lovey dovey when oc/ other people aren’t around !!!!!! 🥸 ok maybe im reaching but IT COULD BE TRUE (I hope it’s true I’m so toxic rip) anyway there were about 7 other things from the last two chapters that I wanted to mention but I can’t remember what they were lmaoo

Eeep can’t wait for next week Yus!! Hie has truly become one of my favourite fics 💖💖 also I hope school and exams are going well for you!!

- 🧽

thank you so much AHHH 🥺🥺

tae owns the building !! not the pharmacy. interesting theories tho 👀 i mean she did say yoongi’s been keeping her at the front for these past couple weeks so one hint there

NO !! he doesn’t know !! i can’t really say much about it but i will say that he doesn’t know that oc’s been in the business before. like she needs him, his affections & company 🥺 but at the same time it’s not good for her to be with him if he’s gonna keep beating around the bush.

i guess you’re right about tae lying 🥲 wait what did he lie about i forgot lmao it’s just him being suspicious !! but still we can’t compare tae to jk & why we should switch to team jk. what jk did was far worse compared to taehyung. there’s still a chance with tae. jk did some unforgivable shit that i can’t mention yet. and that doesn’t mean we should switch to team jk just yet. tae did say that he will reveal the truth to y/n in due time.

YEAH !! like one tiny kiss and everyone’s folding ??? 🤨 it’s all in the mind 😔 fight it everyone !! stand up ffs

omg 👀🫣 that’s a good theory about jk and sora. but pls don’t look too into the kiss 😔 i know it was aMazIng bc why would he do that ?? but remember this is jk 👺 the guy that manipulates & mansplains. the guy who was mean to her, used her past addiction against her, kept secrets with his son before he even got back from wherever etc etc.

tysm for reading !! i hope life is treating you well 🤍

[mxtchalilies]

rimi chan! hi hi hi ‘m sorry for such rlly late reply! ahhh it’s alright, as long as you do take care and rest. i get that sometimes we just can’t help but rush things, i sometimes like that too (pls there’s nothing to be sorry at all lovely!). yes especially baji san’s death, the moebius arc already got me shock enough but soon relieved to know the draken lived,, but i DID NOT EXPECT BAJI ASDFGHJKL i thought he was gunna live 😭💔 watching tokyo revengers must have got me in tears for more than twice i swear — ToT (also u like mikey? ooo good taste 👍✨)

oh well, whatever projects they are, hope you’ll fin ‘em soon! yea rn for me half way thru first week of school already got me real busy and exhausted. for the last 2 days i got loads of work to do too (but i already fin ‘em now haha), so i agree. please lessen the work and projects on students. please we also need rest TwT and you’re welcome darling!

whaaaa thank you so so much sweetheart! okay so ah as i’ve said above on monday i got an art project — uh it’s a test actually, which the teacher give us one week to fin but for me who’s too lazy to procrastinate it away (only for me to be even more lazy 😂) i decided to do it right away which take me like 2 whole days + also having to or at least try to focus on classes and taking notes and stuff so yeah :// but luckily i finished all the work now! ‘m kinda proud with it tbh. and even tho my shoulders r still a bit sore, maybe from drawing too much or maybe bc of my earlier violin practice (if it’s about the back part my fingers hurt too lol) but they’ll be fine — anw again ‘m sorry for such late reply rimi! hope you can forgive me, pls have a luvly day or night as well!

[ SPOILERS FOR THE TOKYO REV ANIME !! ] : this gonna be a long answer; but if it's for bammie my beloved, i'll do it <333 (under the cut because again, it's long and i value yalls time <3)

bammie my dear don't feel guilty for late replies. i'd gladly wait for days for replies, i understand not everyone's free by the time i send something in and timezones differ :0 so really, i don't mind!! :D

my adrenaline and creativity all spike at different times and they're most often in the most inconvenient times ughh. notable mentions are when i get very nice fic ideas as i'm about to: sleep / enter classes / deliver speeches next / and answer a test. but then i don't have a single coherent thought when i actually get free time >:'(

baji's death has me crumbling and crying. from the moebius arc onwards, i have been anxious on my seat askjhfk. draken living is a huge relief but then the next arc baji dies and i just... i was not prepared for the emotional damage. i just wanna give them big ol' hugs and cry for them :( also yes mikey. i love everyone (ehem. except for kisaki.) but just wanna spoil mikey a tiny bit more <33

yikes, first week and you guys are exhausted already? the workload's not showing any mercy, huh? well, if anything, i'm really proud of you for working through all of it!! ◝(ᵔᵕᵔ)◜i'm sure you did well, but don't forget to take some breaks too!! (we definitely need a petition to decrease workload or give reasonable time to work on it ssob)

so you did a test for arts? :0 eek that's gonna be quite the work for your hands ! and having to add on the note-taking for class... aaa !! DD: well, i'm sure you did well though especially considering the time you allotted for it <3

you deciding to not procrastinate the work because you were lazy is both a mood and a powermove, haha! then again, it'd make sense to do everything as much as you can before resting so you won't have to worry later :0 it's also something i practice (mostly in studies... here... not so much, unfortunately) i remember you mentioned once somewhere you play the violin, yes! i also used to play the violin back when i was in elementary! :00 stopped because i decided to prioritize my sports though.

again, i don't mind with the late response dear! you're all good <333 have a pleasant day or eve too, bammie <333