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sobbingscripter · 3 days ago

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Tags: [part 2 of this][mdni][mlw][aged up][arranged marriage][friends to lovers][fingering][clit play][mating press][doggy style][cervix kissing][implied cum eating][premature ejaculation][squirting?]

You barely stir when Damian's sleepy, weary form returns at 4AM, slipping into the comfortable spot between your arms and his face nestles into the curve of his neck.

Strong arms wrap around your waist, tugging you closer to him, the warmth from his body is basically non-existent, your nipples pebbling at the coldness of his frosty skin pressed against your warm, soft flesh and you mumble sleepily.

"Always knew you were a snake."

Damian lets out an exhausted huff of a laugh, fingers sinking into the hair at the nape of your neck, scratching at your roots with blunt fingernails and calloused fingertips before his lips brush against your pulse. Pressing his lips against the curve of your neck, he takes a sharp breath through his nose before sitting up the tiniest bit.

Your eyes are still closed.

Lashes flutter with the bare minimum of coherence, pouty lips pressed into that sleepy, almost imperceptible frown that you've always slept with. Such an angry sleeper, and Damian finds his thumb brushing across the plump flesh of your bottom lip, pressing a kiss to your forehead before he murmurs low, almost to himself.

"I'm not gonna shower."

All Damian's interested in, is being in your company. Whether you're asleep or not, and icy fingertips trace down the curve of your spine, and Damian watches your frown deepen as you move away from his icy grasp, instead, pressing against his already warmed torso.

Thank God for thick covers.

"Feels like you fingered a snowman."

Damian lets out a laugh at that, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he stares down at you, and he raises one of his hands to his lips, fingertips pressing against the flesh to check the temperature for himself and he winces.

"I might have." He mumbles, before moving closer to you, his face returning to the warmth of your neck and your hand travels to the back of his neck without a second thought.

"How was patrol?" You murmur quietly, the slightest of slurs to your speech and Damian just lets out a deep sigh.

A low, almost petulant sound with a warm breath. Internally, it's to see if you'll understand exactly what he means by that, but also, it's an inherent response.

And you let out a sleepy snort.

"Waynes don't kill, Damian." You murmur. "It's not the Batman way."

"I know." Damian mumbles before his brows knit the tiniest bit, his pearly teeth nibbling on his bottom lip as he thinks.

You have the Al Ghul surname, and he wonders if he should bring it up.

"Beloved, your surname..." Damian hums quietly, his fingers absentmindedly tracing along the dip of your waist, his free hand tangled in your hair.

"I'm keeping it." You announce. "Al Ghul has... Gravitas. It's sexy and like...— Wayne?" You repeat the surname, a snort of laughter to your lips as your nails scratch against the nape of his neck.

The two of you are shrouded in thick covers and a lack of light, a thundering storm outside the brick walls of the manor, rain pouring and washing away the filth left behind by the criminals.

The fresh scent clings to the air, accompanied by a nose-burning frost.

"Mrs Al Ghul." Damian murmurs, enjoying the familiarity of calling you that.

When you were younger, he'd call you that to tease you on the fact that you'd taken his surname. A boast, in his own way. You'd become an extension of him.

His heart, undoubtedly.

"Mr Wayne." You repeat quietly and it just... It makes an unpleasant itch in his name that you don't have the same surname anymore. And he chuffs, hands moving to grasp your hips firmly, thumbs brushing along the protruding bones before pressing a long, lingering kiss to your pulse, which slowly becomes more erratic the longer his lips remain.

"No, beloved. I'm going to be Al Ghul tonight."

And Al Ghul, he is.

After a 30 minute shower, Damian steps out of the en suite smelling like a mixture of spices and musk.

A unique mixture of his that could only ever entice you.

Oud and cinnamon, cardamom powder with the tiniest hint of smoke.

Droplets of water travel down the carvings within his muscles, his body perfectly toned and covered in taut, tanned skin that glows the prettiest golden hue in the slivers of warm light that creeps through the slightly agape en suite door.

A dark grey towel clings to his hips, lowering with each step he takes. A commanding aura surrounds him, alongside the steam that rises from his skin and he runs a damp hand through his messy hair, carding the strands out of his face although that mischievous curl keeps clinging to his dewy forehead.

"You're looking at me funny." Damian speaks, arms moving to cross over his chest, that emerald and tungsten ring glinting on his finger in a way that makes your pussy throb. You can tell that he's trying to put you on the spot, that faint twitch of the corner of his mouth, the glint in his eyes.

And you let out a scoff.

"Cause you're funny looking."

Damian raises a thick, dark brow and you feel your palms become sweaty.

This isn't a trust fund kid. This isn't American.

This is the exact same person from back then. Broad, squared shoulders, proud posture. An Arabian-Mongolian prince who knows that his spot at the top of the food chain is secured, and he doesn't need to hide that.

He looks like he's only missing peacocks and concubines who wear sheer fabric and dance with feathery fans.

"You're intimidated." Damian speaks, his voice low, a husky timbre that makes your belly flop. And you huff, but before you can answer, his hand moves to your ankle and he tugs you closer to him, towards the edge of the bed.

"But I would be too." He leans forward, a knee between your thighs and his face nears yours, before his lips press against your temple.

No cockiness, no teasing, just love that makes his lips linger before brushing against the curve of your ear.

"Love of my heart, let me adore you."

—♱—

Two fingers pump into your drooling cunt, Damian's lips press sweet, soothing kisses to the curve of your neck and the side of your face. Your lips part to let out moans that die when his thumb begins to circle your clit, stoking the flame that burns in your belly.

And he leans forward, pressing a kiss to your bouncing throat, dragging his tongue along your jugular vein before he lets out an almost reverent sigh.

"Look at me, my beautiful wife." Damian breathes out, watching as your lashes flutter and big, bleary doe eyes look up at him, your bottom lip caught between your teeth to stifle any sounds and he presses a kiss to the space between your brows.

"Your eyes are the only my heart answers to."

Damian murmurs softly, his lips pressing against yours, swallowing the moan you let out when your toes curl, your belly's knot snapping and you come on his fingers.

Liquids trickle down your thighs, soaking through the sheet beneath you and he keeps fucking you with his fingers. Rough pads brush against that gummy spot, and he watches the way your brows crease and twitch at the sensations of him curling his fingers.

You can feel the coolness of his wedding ring brush against your puffy, overstimulated pussy lips and your thighs twitch.

"My goddess."

Damian croons, pulling his fingers out of you before licking them clean, savouring the taste of you on his finger before he lifts you with ease, resting your head on one of the pillows.

And two fingers, two very strong, muscular fingers stroke your folds teasingly, before nestling comfortably over your clit.

You're not sure what it is.

If it's the speed at which his digits vibrate against your clit, if it's the way he sucks hickeys into the skin of your thighs but your stomach sucks in and you barely muffle the whine that leaves you as you cum.

Trickling the smallest little spurt of squirt against his palm.

And Damian's hums, teasing your clit with the tip of his tongue, flat against the sensitive and overstimulated bud until your hand pushes at his forehead, trying to catch a breather.

You're barely able to string together a coherent sentence before Damian's sliding into you, cock stretching you until there's a burn in your walls. Your nails dig into his biceps, tears threatening to spit from your eyes and he leans over you, lips pressing adoring kisses to your eyes.

"It's gonna feel really good, I promise." Damian breathes quietly, his hands moving up your sides to cup your breasts, your thighs on either side of him. And twitching against his sides when his thumbs brush over your pebbled nipples, his lips pressing against your tear-stained cheeks and he's still.

Trying not to come too quickly at the inviting warmth of your cunt, gummy walls adjusting to his intrusion as his thumbs tease and circle your nipples.

And Damian feels your hands move to his lower belly, nails dragging along the skin over his abs and he knows he can move.

Slowly, Damian drags his cock out of you, leaving only the plump, flushed tip buried in you before he pushes back into you.

You're warm. So, so warm.

He's never felt this before.

Damian's face is flushed, his body smattered with goosebumps and his hands move to your thighs, squeezing the flesh in his calloused hands before lifting them.

Pushing your knees to your chest, and Damian slowly picks up the pace.

He inclines just enough for his pubic bone to make the best amount of friction against your oversensitive clit, your nails scratching at his broad back, your lashes fluttering and your lips parted to let out the cutest little breathy moans and Damian moans.

A low, whiny sound that has his voice cracking before he pulls out of you, resting his cock flat on your mound before letting out a shuddering breath.

"Shit, you're so tight and warm." Damian sighs, carding his fingers through his raven strands, his chest heaving before he taps the head of his cock against your sopping folds.

And he watches your body twitch and Damian lets out a quiet snort, before his hands caress your hips, thumbs tracing over the spots where there are the faintest stretch marks.

Before Damian shifts you, your knees and hands pressing against the mattress and the silken sheets, and your back arched. Before relaxing into the position, your forearms folded over one another and your cheek resting against the pillow, your arch deepening into a steep slope.

And Damian gulps.

"You intimidated?" You tease, wriggling your hips lazily before Damian's hands bracket them, and he scoffs.

"As if." He mutters under his breath, before pushing himself into your hole, the warmth inviting and so so tempting, and Damian leans forward, pressing a kiss to the nape of your neck.

His hands caress the curve of your spine, pawing at your hips and waist, as his hips roll against yours.

Damian's leaky cock meets your cervix, sloppy kisses pressed deeper than you thought anything could reach and your brain is already mush. Leaky wetness dripping down his twitching length.

You're so close.

Any cocky comment flies out of your lips, and your walls flutter when Damian lets out that breathy, boyish laugh at the sight of your hand moving to rest against the headboard.

"Are you intimidated?" Damian mocks, before he feels that rhythmic clamp of an orgasm as you whine into the pillow, your eyes fluttering shut as you come, spasming around his cock.

And he shudders, pulling out of you immediately and Damian flips you onto your back, sitting back on his haunches before he comes.

Pearly white liquid, thick and stringy cum clings to your pussy, he jerks himself, milking his cock and painting your pretty pussy with his spent.

Damian moans softly, his jaw clenching as he tries to keep quiet, not wanting to let anyone know that after a decade, his marriage is....

Thoroughly, consummated.

And Damian shifts, resting on his stomach and you'd have to be even more blinded to not see the way his lips quirk in excitement, his hands guiding your thighs to rest on his broad shoulders and his calves lift the tiniest bit, absentmindedly kicking as he stares at your messy cunt.

And slowly, Damian drags his tongue through your cum-covered folds.

"I've always enjoyed licking the frosting off my dessert first."

#sobbingscripter #dc comics smut #dc smut #dc #dc comics #damian wayne #damian wayne x you #damian wayne x reader smut #damian wayne x reader #damian wayne smut #damian al ghul

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kaijutegu · 1 day ago

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Ranking the Reptiles of Vintage Men's Magazines

Men's pulp magazines have some of the wildest paintings for their cover art, and some of those feature lizards. Let's rank them!

We are NOT ranking these on accuracy or believability, we are ranking these on how much fun I, your good friend kaijutegu, find them to look at. These were never trying to be accurate. They were trying to sell magazines. Also I'm not allowed to critique human anatomy or we will be here all day.

This man is beset by wantons who ruined a nation! These dragons he's crawling with took him for a one-way ride, and now he has to pistol whip them until they stop biting his leg. I love how these lizards have more than a hint of rhino iguana to them, as well as the Crystal Palace megalosaurus. A tier.

This man looks shocked to discover that sex can be fun. I know, I don't believe it either. The snakes are interesting- I really love the lurid green fangs and tongue on the guy in front, but I would like to see more. B tier, I'm just not all that into it but I am intrigued.

NOW we're talking, this cover has it ALL. Come to beautiful san antonio where our women are clearly wearing skin-colored shirts underneath their regular shirts so they can breast boobily without worrying about a nip slip and our turtles are pissed. S tier.

This cover gets points for the painterly style, but loses them for the rude-ass man. The sex queen of Sicily and the cannibal crocodile they couldn't kill were just having a nice dance, and along comes this man and... how did he make that shot actually? B+ tier.

See that crocodile in the foreground? My lizard makes the exact face when she's begging for sushi. A tier.

There's something so charming to me about the way GIVE ME BACK MY ARM is phrased and like, two of you are going to get what it's pinging in my head but bear with me. Back in the day (literally 20 years ago at this point, jfc), the USPS put out this "put yourself in my shoes" safety notice about controlling your dog, and the goons over at Something Awful got hold of it and decided to have some fun with it and one of the remixes they made, the thing that started a whole big ol' meme thread that got turned into a CG post, was this one:

Something about the GIVE ME BACK MY ARM reminded me of this. Anyways I loved that thread, A tier, thanks for the memories.

I know I said that these were never meant to be accurate, but look at this one, the guy CLEARLY was looking at a reference for this alligator! Don't know why he drew the glottis like that, though. A tier.

Oh this, this I love. Incomprehensible snakes taking their babies on a field trip? Adorable! A tier!

The tongue doesn't go in the glottis. D tier, I know I said they weren't trying for accuracy but come on.

These selfless lizards know that this man is unfit for married love and are trying to rescue that woman from an awful fate. She's going to wed that man, but she's making a huge mistake, and they know it and they're powerless to stop her- but they're gonna try, by god. This is Good Luck, Babe! but with lizards instead of Joan of Arc at the VMAs. It's fine, it's cool, S+ tier.

#art #reptiblr

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formulawolff · 3 days ago

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“well that’s too bad” — k.r.

pairing -> kimi räikkönen x dcc!reader

word count -> {typed this one on my phone}

warnings -> banter, lots of flirting, some sexual innuendos, kimi being protective, the grid being a bunch of goofballs/down bad, some cursing, light pda

a/n -> this is a request based off of this ask! anon, i love you and thank you for sending in an ask so that i could write about one of my favorite drivers (can we also talk about long hair kimi like…) i hope y’all enjoy!

"who is that?"

a blonde peers around the garage, cocking his head as the figure strolls toward the row of paddocks. licking his lips, he folds his arms across his chest.

"i don't know, but whoever she is, she's gorgeous. absolutely stunning."

the object of sebastian vettel’s desire brings a phone to her ear, her plush lips parting, brow furrowing. whatever she was doing, she was deeply invested, as she stopped dead in her tracks to make the call.

the fellow drivers gather around the blonde, almost gawking. there was no doubt this woman was absolutely ethereal, the gentle rays of the morning sun accentuating her features. a pair of low rise jeans hung from her hips, a white long sleeve clinging to her torso. a luxurious purse hung from her shoulder, the bag accessorized with all sorts of trinkets and a bow.

the most striking aspect of her outfit was the pair of cowboy boots on her feet, the black leather worn from years of wear.

an interesting choice, especially in monaco, but it suited her.

she was regal, carrying herself with an aura that exuded dominance and grace. and to sebastian’s delight, she started to make her way in the direction of the red bull garage.

was she single? there sure wasn’t a ring on that left hand. but she could have opted to leave it at home, where it was protected from the public eye.

it was a gamble really.

and sebastian was more than willing to take his chances.

"do you think i could get her number?"

"you? please. you wouldn't stand a chance."

"come on nico," lewis hamilton, british driver for mercedes scoffs, rolling his eyes, "and you think you could?"

“well, i guess we could ask her if she’s ever been to paris—“

"you guys really know how to make me chuckle," another voice cuts in, his spanish accent seeping into every word, "a woman of that caliber? she probably wouldn't even look in your direction—"

"hi boys!" a chirp rings out through the red bull garage, "i'm looking for my husband. i tried calling his cell but i couldn't reach him. do y’all know where he is?"

her voice was sickeningly sweet, thick with the twang of an accent.

not just any ordinary accent.

an american accent, a drawl that sebastian only heard from one region of that country.

the south.

clearing your throat, you survey the array of men milling about in the garage. you recognize them all in an instant, as your husband had dotingly shown you photos over the years. before you stood fernando alonso, sebastian vettel, lewis hamilton, nico rosberg, and daniel ricciardo. an elite group of drivers, but they did not compare to the man you were searching for.

it wasn't even close.

you were looking for a finnish man, fair in complexion with fluffy, golden locks of hair. a hue that reminded you of sunlight pouring through the leaves of a forest. he was shorter in stature, but muscular, with piercing, icy blue eyes.

well, piercing to some, but to you, they were beautiful, brimmed with nothing but adoration and joy. often, you would gush to him about how his eyes were like the summer sky. he detested this, grumbling how they weren’t that special, but you could always make out a boyish grin, his dimples making an appearance.

taking a step back, sebastian studies you, gnawing on the inside of his cheek. as you give your name to nico, a bell rings in his head. he couldn’t quite place a finger on it, but it sounded familiar.

almost like he had heard it before. mentioned a few times, actually.

“who’s your husband?” fernando puckers his lips, placing his hands on his hips, “is he an engineer? a mechanic? part of the media?”

“he’s a driver.”

“a driver?” lewis’ eyes widen, “are you sure? we would remember one of our own bringing a woman like you around the—“

“will you all stop pestering my wife?”

a rumble from behind you earns a flinch from the drivers. swiveling on your heel, you feel your mouth curl into a dazzling grin.

“sugar! i’ve been looking all over for you! this place is a maze.”

sebastian can’t help but feel his mouth fall open as kimi räikkönen scoops you up into his embrace, squeezing you tightly against his chest. giggles erupt, bouncing off the walls as he peppers your face with kisses, a giddy squeal rising in your throat as he murmurs sweet nothings into your ear.

shaking his head, lewis almost can’t believe what he’s seeing, “you have got to be shitting me.”

“you’re telling me!” nico mutters, glaring at sebastian, he arches a brow, “is this the woman he’s been rambling about for months on end?”

“she is,” daniel clears his throat, finally finding his voice, “you guys didn’t put that together the second she started to speak? you can tell that woman has lived in texas all of her life. she’s wearing cowboy boots for fuck’s sake. you guys really amaze me sometimes.”

“well sorry we’re not all detectives like you!” fernando pouts, throwing his hands in the air, “we were all under the impression that—“

“the impression that i was just some helpless little bunny makin’ her way through?”

your snarky words cut through, sending a ripple of shock throughout the boys. their heads turn, pairs of eyes falling on you.

clicking your tongue, you raise a hand, pointing at sebastian, “y’all know it’s rude to stare, right? i could feel you watching me from a mile away.”

kimi wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you closer, “why didn’t any of you let me know she was here?”

“they thought i was single,” you can’t help but feel a smirk begin to grow as the boys stutter, scrambling to find some sort of response that wouldn’t set kimi off any further.

“well that’s too bad,” finding your hand, kimi intertwines your fingers together, “because you’re my wife. you guys hear that? she’s mine. off. limits.”

“heard you loud and clear,” fernando flashes the finnish driver a thumbs up, “my apologies, kimi.”

“don’t apologize to me,” kimi snorts, “apologize to her.”

as the boys hang their heads, you can’t help but feel a chuckle tumble out as they start speaking in unison, like some schoolboys being chastised.

“we’re sorry.”

“that’s better,” tugging on your hand, kimi motions his head in the direction of his own garage, “come on, my love. let’s go.”

peering over your shoulder, you shoot the group one last wink, scrunching your nose slightly. giving them all a wave, you blow a kiss.

“it was nice to meet y’all! but if you’ll excuse me, i would like to be with my husband. hopefully you’ll all fare better on the track than how you court women. bye now!”

and as you walk away, kimi brings your hand to his lips, pressing a tender kiss to the gentle skin.

“i love you.”

linking your elbow with his, you lay your head on his shoulder, your heart cozy with bliss.

“and i love you, ice man.”

and for the rest of the day, the ice man would bear a radiant smile.

a sort of grin the rest of the grid had never seen before.

and that was all thanks to his cheerleader.

his wonderful, talented, smoke show of a cheerleader.

the one who happened to be not just any cheerleader, but his wife as well.

and if anyone wanted you?

well, that was too damn bad.

#kimi räikkönen #kimi raikkonen #kimi räikkönen x reader #kimi raikkonen x reader #f1 #formula 1 #formula 1 x reader #f1 x reader #formula 1 fanfiction #f1 fanfiction

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mayakern · 2 days ago

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In light of finding out that there's actually people out there being jerks to you in your inbox, I wanted to tell you how much joy you've brought into my life without even knowing about it! My girlfriend introduced me to your art and your clothing and I've been a huge fan ever since! Your art makes me feel more comfortable in my own skin and see beauty where I hadn't thought to look before, and watching you succeed puts a smile on my face. I wish you and your wife a long and happy life full of joyful memories and interesting stories!

aw thank you, this is so incredibly sweet 🥺🥺🥺

we did have a couple ppl being weirdly combative at the combo of me asking why ppl hadn't purchased from the canada store (this was a genuine question to see if there were issues we didn't know about, which there were) and then me talking about what a rough position the business is in currently, but largely people have been nothing other than extremely kind and supportive and wonderful.

i think it often comes down to the sad reality that when a small brand like us, which is more expensive than fast fashion in large part because we use certified ethical labor, talks about our financial/sales issues in a time when most people are struggling, people sometimes get defensive.

even if i am not being aggressive or mean or blaming our customers--i am also a non-wealthy person who lived through 2024, i have not at any point been unaware of just how difficult things have gotten and i don't blame anyone for their financial situation--because of the type of business i run, seeing me or the business fail can make people feel guilty. because even tho a lot of people try not to think about it, when you buy a fast fashion shirt for $5--or when you buy several, knowing that they'll fall apart after just a few wears--there are so many "invisible" costs. knowing that you can afford a shein clothing haul because someone was, at best, paid pennies to make the garments wears a person down. knowing, too, that that piece of clothing that was made by exploiting other humans is going to end up in the trash relatively quickly also takes its toll.

for a lot of people, fast fashion is all they can afford. and also for a lot of people, they have convinced themselves that buying a higher quantity of cheap garments that will fall apart quickly is more affordable or a better deal than saving up for one more expensive piece that will last them multiple years. after all, buying a single garment that you'll wear for years doesn't give you nearly as much of a dopamine hit as getting an entire clothing haul that costs the same amount up front.

and i think because of this--because a lot of people make this choice and do not feel proud of it--when they see me or my business struggle, they project their own feelings of guilt and assume that i must be blaming them personally. that i am figuratively breathing down their neck and haunting their closets.

the truth is, i know the path i have chosen is not the easy one. i could probably make a lot more money and live a lot more comfortably if i operated on a business model that more closely resembled fast fashion. but for as long as i can afford them, i would like to stick to my ideals. and i don't blame other people for not being able to do the same.

#ask #store #long post #sorry turns out i had a lot to say haha

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lavenders388 · 2 days ago

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hiiii!! i’m in LOVE with your writing & i’m so happy to have found you ^^ I was wondering if I could request some headcanons of player 388 (Kang Dae-ho) with a s/o that was also in the military? ik it’s gonna sound a bit specific, but if it could be the FARC then i’d really appreciate it !! (oc reasons 😅) <33

~real man~

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ Kang Dae Ho x Military! Reader Headcannons<3

requested 💌

a/n thank you for the request!! this is such a lovely idea!! -matcha

<3 the second he finds out you were also in the military he becomes even more interested in you in a respectful admiration way kind of like how he was to Jung Bae! he understands the struggles that you've been through because he went through the same and he respects you for that, as well as he enjoys knowing there's someone closer to his age he can relate to!

<3 he gets a little bit sad for you; just knowing like what he went through and the things he struggles with from serving like physical injuries/ptsd. he just cares about you so much and doesn't want you to have ever had to go through anything negative.

<3 if you were in a higher branch/rank than him, he gets really embarrassed thinking about how much he talked about himself not knowing there was someone higher than him there. he gets really flustered when you tell him he should still be proud of himself:3

<3 if you were in the FARC, i don't think he would know exactly what it was, just with it being a little different from what he went through as well as depending on how much he knew/didnt know about your country! once you explain it to him he's in awe that you were a part of something so noble and groundbreaking.

<3 Dae Ho also admires and is interested in learning what made the FARC form in the first place and is even more interested in the fact that its now recognized as its own political party! he finds this super interesting and admirable. he loves learning more not just about you but about your country, and he gets to do that a lot by learning more about what you served in!

<3 going off of the previous one, if you arent in the games/when he gets out he definitely researches it a ton just so he can know more about you and impress you with his knowledge:)

<3 he does the "SIR!" thing to you a lot to joke around; but he truly does respect you and see you as higher due to your service and his admiration of you in general:3

<3 he loves this part of you a ton and loves that the two of you have this in common as well, as your relationship develops he appreciates this a lot because it allows him to speak to you and get to know you more:)

#squid game #squid game x reader #squid game season 2 #dae ho x reader #squid game s2 #kang dae ho x reader #kang dae ho #dae ho #squid game headcannon #dae ho headcannon #dae ho headcannons #kang dae ho headcannons #player 388 #player 388 x reader

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tiyawnyana · 1 day ago

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hi!! can you write sevika x younger reader where the reader is like 22-24 and sevika feels this dread one day realizing that she actually does like this woman despite their (moral) age gap and even wants to take things further which usually doesn't happen for her (also having a hard time telling the reader her feelings or anyone for that matter)

bonus points if the reader is a bartender or something at The Last Drop!

I hope this is an interesting enough request

Thank you for the request!!! I had so much fun diving into drinks and their meanings ahhsdmdm

A/N: slowly chipping away at some of these but I've never felt more pleased doing these

Characters: Sevika x Young Bartender!Fem Reader

Warnings: alcohol drinking

Minors DNI

—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—

Apricot Fizz

The first time Sevika noticed you was when you were leaving Silco's office with a pep to your step unfitting to Zaun- especially in The Last Drop.

She remembers the glint in your eye- eager and energetic with a flush to your cheeks. You were young. Too much of an age gap for her eyes to linger as long as they did.

She was surprised to see that you had actually landed the job as the bartender- the second time she had noticed you.

She ignored you, deciding not to get a drink that night- or the next few nights.

Your energy was a lot. Almost too much- you almost had a crowd gathering around the bar, people eager to get even a moment of your time.

Sevika had grown restless, needing a drink after a great game of cards. She finds herself almost nervous, for whatever reason, but nonetheless approaches the bar after the slight crowd simmers down.

She puts out her cigarillo, exhaling the last bit of smoke when your hand comes into view, sliding an orange drink in a beer glass in her direction.

“The hell is this?” She huffs, bringing her gaze up to yours.

Your cheeks are flushed as you make another drink for another customer,”Saw you comin’ up, haven't gotten you a drink this week so didn't know what you liked-”

“Beer,” she mutters, eyeing the glass in question,”or whiskey.”

You nod, a sheepish smile on your lips,”Sorry- I can take this-”

She waves her hand, clasping the class in her hand as she eyes the liquid,”Not gonna waste alcohol,” she mutters before taking a sip.

The fruity drink explodes on her tongue, slightly sour with a flavor of orange beneath the lemon. She was surprised, couldn't even taste the alcohol. She eyes it in confusion.

You giggle softly,”It's a cocktail,” you respond with a grin,”They're dangerous, the alcohol sneaks up on ya.”

Sevika nods in silence, sipping it again before turning around to face the rest of the bar. She could feel a flush beneath her skin that she quickly stifled- She couldn't think of you like that.

The next few nights, you slide a variation of beer and whiskeys to her across the bar.

You manage to get idle chit chat from her on occasion and she slowly allows you to break down one of her millions of walls.

“What was that first drink you gave me- from the first time you served me?” Sevika finds herself wondering after a few beers and another gambling win.

“Oh! The orange one?”

Sevika nods as she sips her beer.

“Apricot fizz,” you respond as you clean out a glass.

Sevika watches you with a deadpan look on her face,”How did you learn to make that? I thought this was your first bartending gig?”

“It is,” you hum, quickly stepping to the side to refill a customer's beer before coming back to her,”I have a whole book about different drinks to make and their ‘meanings’.”

She watches you shake your head, then exhales,”Drinks and their meanings?” She echoes, a scowl on her lips.

You laugh softly, nodding at her confusion as you clean another glass.

“What does the beer mean, then?”

Your gaze connects with hers and she watches as a warmer blush covers your cheeks,”Uh- from what I remember it has less of a meaning and more so like- a symbol of community and celebration.”

She watches you speak with your hands, finding it an endearing trait of yours.

“What about the other one?”

You swallow, averting your gaze as you struggle to come up with an answer, already knowing it,”I'd have to read that one again, I don't quite recall.”

She hums at your response, gaze narrowed but otherwise drops it. She finishes her beer before tapping her glass,”I'll take one of those, then.”

You nod with a small smile on your lips as you take her glass and replace it with the cocktail.

Her hand brushes yours and she swears she feels something electric buzz beneath her skin.

She ignores it again, looking away from you despite how much she wants to let her gaze linger.

It's another night at The Last Drop, one of the slower nights much to your surprise.

You're cleaning off the counters and glasses when you hear the door open. Sevika strides in with Ran right behind her, who splits off to play pool with one of their friends.

You circle the bar as she walks up to order a drink. She looks disheveled, tired.

“You alright?” You murmur softly as she sits on one of the stools across from you.

Sevika grunts, her prosthetic arm coming to rest on the bar,”I'm fine.”

You nod, dropping it,”Want a beer?”

She shrugs, resting her chin in her hand,”Surprise me.”

You gawk at her in surprise for a moment before nodding, thinking of another drink she could try.

She watches as you work, nose scrunching as you add cherries on a toothpick to lay on top the rim of the cocktail glass.

You slide it over to her, a burgundy orange color.

“What's this one?” She murmurs, picking up the toothpick and biting one of the cherries off.

“It's called the Rob Roy,” you speak fondly, cleaning out a glass a customer leaves on the counter.

She raises a brow, lifting it to take a sip before humming as she takes in the smoky feel on her tongue.

“I don't remember what this one means either,” you smile sheepishly, gaze averted.

“You should reread that book of yours, then,” she teases before quickly drinking the rest of it. “Got any others up your sleeve?” She murmurs, sliding the glass your way.

You grin, thinking for a moment before nodding and making her another.

You slide a tall glass across the counter, an orange slice perched on the rim of an equally orange drink.

“Screwdriver,” you grin,”Apparently it was named that because of mine workers stirring the drink with a screwdriver.”

“That is.. not reassuring,” she mumbles before taking the orange slice off and placing it on the napkin before sipping the bright drink.

You giggle softly, watching her sip it,”Orange juice and vodka, another dangerous one.”

She nods, masking the fact that she actually really liked this drink.

Ran comes up, eyeing the drink in Sevikas hand before requesting the same one.

You make it no problem but flush as Ran speaks.

“Don't these drinks have, like, romantic meanings?” They ask as they lean against the bar.

You shrug, avoiding both of their gazes,”Maybe- I don't remember all of the drinks' meanings.”

“My dad was a bartender-” Ran grins, nodding in thanks as you slide the tall glass their way,”He used drink language to get my Ma to notice him.”

Sevika hums, eyeing your blushing face and taking note as you avert your gaze.

Sevika quickly realizes she's looking forward to seeing you every night now.

It irritates her- crawls beneath her skin and makes agitation fester when she doesn't see you some nights.

It's like an addiction. She grows more fond of your soft smile and those stupid fruity drinks.

Whenever she does see you, she trails her gaze over your features.

The slope of your nose, the curl of your lips when you laugh, the slight crows feet around your eyes from smiling so much. It's such a shock to her- she's found so little reason to smile down here yet you've found enough to give you a permanent glow.

Whenever you hand her one of those drinks, she allows her gaze to trace unmarred flesh. Not one visible scar along your arms or knuckles whereas scars have faded with time along her own body.

She's infatuated and she hates it. Hates that you're so young- maybe if you were closer in age, she wouldn't find a problem but after hearing you were 24, she couldn't get it out of her head.

You were everything kind and sweet in someone unbeknownst to the cruelties in the undercity.

She avoids you. Finds herself drinking less a few times a week, more time spent outside gambling.

She knows you know, she can feel your gaze when she walks past. She feels guilty, despite the fact that she knows this is for the best. She can't be caught up with someone so inexperienced- so young.

It's been a few weeks now of avoiding you.

Sevika is gambling now when a glass is placed next to her. She side eyes it, looking up to see Ran with a narrowed look in their eyes.

“The fuck is this?” She mutters, pulling her cigarillo from her lips.

“It's a gimlet,” they mutter, rolling their eyes at her attitude.

“A gimlet?” Sevika echoes with a scoff, lifting the glass and sniffing it. There's a slight lime scent,”What's this for?”

“From your friend, who's really wondering if she did something wrong,” Ran huffs out, crossing their arms.

Sevika huffs out a sigh of defeat, eyeing the drink before sipping it.

“Each of these drinks has meaning, you oaf,” Ran scoffs down at her, then hands her a small book.

Sevika narrows her gaze.

“Oh for fucks sake, take the book and read the meanings,” they wave the book around before Sevika scoffs and takes it. Ran is silent for a moment before making a move to walk back inside,”She thinks she said something wrong to offend you.”

“She didn't,” Sevika sighs.

“I know, you're just being an ass.”

Gimlet- ‘The long goodbye,’,’thoughts of someone far away.’

Sevika's eyebrows scrunch as she reads the meanings of these drinks.

“The long goodbye?” She murmurs lowly, confused before guilt claws at her belly. She rubs her hand down her face, covering her mouth as she stares up at her ceiling.

She flips through the pages, reading different meanings before she remembers the first name.

Apricot Fizz- ’Please look my way.’

Something swirls in her belly, this time not an unpleasant feeling as she rereads it at least a dozen times.

She sits up off her bed, trying to remember what one of the other drinks you had given her as she flips through the pages.

A memory sparks as she hits S.

Finally, she finds it.

Screwdriver- ‘You've stolen my heart.’

Her face flushes, eyes widening as she stares down at the page.

She puts the book down for a bit after that, paces her small apartment as she thinks to herself before hopping into the shower to help relax her muscles.

Finally, she calms down enough, easing away the guilt as she picks up the book again to find the last one.

Most ridiculous name for a drink, might she add.

Rob Roy- ‘I want to capture your heart.’

She sighs, dropping the book back on the bed as she flops backwards onto her bed.

She hates the realization that she's got it bad for you. Hates that she looks forward to seeing you despite the fact that she'd been avoiding going up to the bar. Hates that she misses your soft laugh.

She hates that you make her heart warm.

She's thankful that Silco sends her out on a job that takes her away from The Last Drop, using it to get her head on straight.

When she returns, having read through that book at least three times over by this point, she's made up her mind.

Her buddies are out gambling around the corner of the bar as she approaches, waving their way before heading into the bar.

It's late. There's not many people around the bar at this hour, she silently thanks whatever God or goddess may be smiling down on her at this moment.

You're cleaning some glasses, seemingly lost in thought as you don't notice her walking up.

She sits down, arms resting on the counter and she nods at you when you finally look up at her.

Your cheeks heat up,”Sorry-” you murmur.

“Don't apologize, doll,” she speaks softly,”I should- uh, apologize.”

She's looking down at the bar, not seeing the blush across your face at the nickname.

“I was being an ass,” she murmurs, brushing her hand down her face and looking back up at you,”I.. don't really have an excuse.”

You shake your head, waving your hand to brush it off,”I was just worried I said something to upset you or-”

“No, you haven't,” Sevika gazes at you, leaning closer over the bar but keeps a sizable distance,”I'm sorry.”

“It's okay,” you murmur after a moment of silence,”Want a beer?”

Sevika shakes her head, looking down at her hands,”Actually- uh-”

She looks awkward for a moment, giving one last thought before nodding to herself.

“Can I make you one?” She murmurs.

Your eyes widen in surprise.

She stands up, waiting for your reply.

“Yeah- yeah, uh, come on around,” you laugh softly in disbelief.

Sevika looks toward Ran, tucked in the back and shoots them one look that has them scrambling up and gripping their friends elbow, everyone remaining in the bar leaving as you turn away for a moment to open the side of the bar.

Sevika comes around, eyeing the inside of the bar and spotting one of the ingredients she needs. She ushers you out and you laugh softly, shaking your head in fondness.

She grasps the orange juice as you settle in, sitting down on the stool across from her.

“Where are the tall glasses?” Sevika looks at you, then nods as you point to the cabinet behind her.

She gets to work, struggling for a moment to find everything but manages to do so. She adds the alcohol and juices together, unmixed, along with an orange slice and a cherry before sliding it across the bar to you.

You eye it carefully, trying to remember if you know the name but didn't quite catch everything she added.

Sevika doesn't stop there, instead picking up a wine glass and pouring white wine and creme de cassis.

You watch her, the scrunch in her brow as she focuses. A sheepish smile graces your lips, blush warm on your cheeks.

“You're making more than one drink,” you tease softly.

“Just.. trust the process, yeah?” She smirks at you and you can't ignore the flutter in your belly.

She's silent as she grabs another glass after sliding the second glass toward you.

“I avoided you because I was nervous,” she admits softly, averting her gaze as she pours two drinks together.

“Nervous? What for?” You murmur, leaning closer over the bar.

She hums softly, slicing another orange slice to slip into the glass,”You're young- real young, and I couldn't seem to look past that until now.”

You raise an eyebrow in question, ready to ask but she raises a palm, sliding the last glass to you.

She points to the first one she made,”Tequila sunrise,” then the second,”Kir,” then the last one,”Screwdriver.”

She completes her statement by sliding the book across the countertop towards you and your face heats up tremendously.

“I- what-” you carefully grab the book, eyeing her in disbelief.

“Read the first one,” she urges softly.

You nod, flipping to that part of the book.

Under ‘Mutual Feelings’.

Tequila Sunrise- ‘Passionate love.’

Upon reading it, your head shoots up. She is wordless as she points to the second.

Kir- ‘I'm glad we met.’

And you've already memorized the last one- having given her so many of those along with the others.

You're quiet for a moment before pointing to the last orange drink,”You've stolen my heart.”

She just gazes at you, soft and tender and it fills you with warmth.

You grasp the glass, taking a sip of it, following up with the other two before placing them down and standing.

You're wordless as you hike yourself up on the countertop to swing your legs over before gripping Sevika by the collar of her vest and tugging her in to press your lips to hers.

You separate after the blissful moment.

She tastes the fruity drinks on your lips and can't get enough, quickly pressing her lips back on yours again.

—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—

A/N: gonna order me some apricot fizz now

218 notes · View notes

scribblesofagoonerr · 17 hours ago

Text

𝑀𝑜𝓃𝓀𝑒𝓎 Our girl: Growing Up | 𝒲𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒩𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝐻𝒶𝓈 𝒞𝑜𝓂𝑒

summary: all good things come to an end when it's decided that custody will go to monkey's dad

thank you to @lvnleah and @alotofpockets for the help with this one

our girl: growing up masterlist

The moment the social worker told Leah that you would be moving in with your dad, it felt like the ground had been ripped out from under her feet. She’d been sitting in her mum’s kitchen, hands gripping the table's edge as though that might stop her world from tilting.

“But her grandma wanted her to be with me,” Leah said, her voice tight, almost breaking, “She told me before she passed. She wanted me to be the one to take care of her.”

The social worker gave Leah a measured look, “Leah, you’re 18. Legally, you’re an adult, but you’re still also very young. Social services believe that her father can provide a more stable environment. He has a steady job, a home, and–”

“He’s been absent for most of his life. Jean told me he was dangerous! How can you let her go back to a man like that?” Leah snapped, her frustration boiling over.

Amanda placed a calming hand on Leah’s arm, “Bubba, you need to calm down…”

“No, mum. They don’t get it,” Leah shook Amanda’s hand off, “You can’t just drop her off with someone like that, you don’t understand what he’s like. He’s got you completely fooled. How is it possible to allow that? I’ve been there for her every day since her grandma got ill. I’m the one who knows her routine, her favourite bedtime stories, and how she likes the crusts cut off her sandwiches otherwise she won’t eat them. He doesn’t even know her favourite colour!”

“Leah,” Amanda said softly, but Leah still wouldn’t hear it.

“No, this isn’t fair! None of this is fair! They’re not listening. You’re not listening!” Leah’s frustration was directed at the social worker, “I’ll fight for her. I’ll go to court. I’ll… I’ll do whatever it takes for her to be mine!”

The social worker sighed a hint of pity in her eyes, “I understand that this is hard, Leah, but I’m sorry, the decision has been made,” She paused, “Her father has been assessed, and we believe it’s in her best interest to live with him. He’s her biological parent.”

“Her best interest? You don’t know what that even means,” Leah’s fists clenched on the table, “What about what that little girl wants? She’s only nine, but she still deserves to have a voice. She doesn’t want to go with him. She… She doesn’t even know him! Doesn’t that count for something?”

“At her age, her wishes are considered but not decisive,” The social worker explained to Leah, “I’m sorry, Leah. It’s out of your hands. You have until the end of the month, and then she will be moving to her father’s house.”

“Le!” You sprinted across the playground, your plaits swinging behind you, and you threw yourself into her arms.

“Oo, there’s my little Monkey!” Leah’s face lit up as she wrapped you in a warm embrace, lifting your backpack off your shoulders, “Did you have a good day at school today?” She asked, her voice full of affection.

Leah never missed a chance to pick you up from school. It had become one of her favourite parts of the day, a small ritual that always made her smile.

You nodded enthusiastically, your plaits bouncing with movement, “Uh-huh! So fun! And I made a new friend. She likes football too!” You couldn’t contain your excitement, the words tumbling out faster than you could keep up.

“Wow, really?” Leah feigned shock, her eyes sparkling, “That’s great!”

Grinning from ear to ear, you kept walking beside her, your hand firmly clutching hers as you headed toward the car, “I told her I play for the academy and that I know players from the Arsenal team!” You gushed, “She definitely wanted to be my friend after that!”

“Oh, I bet she did,” Leah chuckled, unlocking the car door with a click.

You slid into the car, fastening your seatbelt with a tug, “When you have your game this weekend, can she come watch too? I already told her she could!” You asked eagerly.

Leah’s smile wavered for a moment as her mind drifted to a darker place, but she quickly masked it, her voice soft as she hummed in agreement, “Maybe, we’ll have to see…”

The drive home was filled with your chatter as you excitedly told Leah more about your new friend, but Leah’s thoughts were far from the conversation. She smiled, nodded, and kept the atmosphere light, but inside, the weight of what was coming hung heavy on her heart.

The clock was ticking, and soon, you would be taken from her life.

Despite it all, Leah held onto the promise that she made to make every moment count.

“Is Jordy coming around today? I want to see her!” You asked, looking at Leah with hopeful eyes.

“Yeah, she’s coming round later,” Leah answered, her voice betraying just a hint of exhaustion.

“Do you think she’ll build Lego with me?” You asked, bouncing slightly in your seat, your excitement undiminished.

“You’ll have to ask her, but I have a sneaky feeling she’ll love that,” Leah replied, a soft chuckle escaping her lips.

Even as you spoke with innocent joy, Leah’s heart ached. It was becoming harder to pretend everything was okay, harder to act as though there wasn’t an enormous weight bearing down on her – Knowing that, in just a short time, you would be gone, pulled away from her home and into a life she couldn’t bear for you.

“Remember, shoes off before you go racing through the house…” Leah’s words were left ignored as she unlocked the front door, in favour of you darting straight past her and grabbing the next Lego set you were itching to dive into.

“Ah, ah, not a chance, Monkey,” Leah called after you, her tone playful but firm, “No Lego until you’ve done your homework. You know the rules.”

“But homework is so boring, Le,” You complained, holding the Lego box like it was the most exciting thing in the world.

“It might be boring but it still needs to be done,” Leah smiled, unbothered, “You know this…”

“Le…” You whined, dragging out the sound like it was the most difficult thing in the world.

“The sooner you get it done, the sooner you can build your Lego,” Leah said, her voice reassuring.

“But it’s so boring though,” You muttered.

Leah raised an eyebrow, trying to hide a smile, “Why don’t you grab it out of your bag and we can take a look at it together?”

“It’s Maths,” You sighed, already dreading it.

“Ah, well, that just happens to be my favourite subject,” Leah replied, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

“Really?” You scrunched your face up in disbelief, “You are weird, Le!”

“Excuse me, little miss, I’ll have you know that Maths can be fun sometimes,” Leah teased, ruffling your hair.

“Nuh-uh. Maths is sooo boring,” You countered, sticking out your tongue, “And you’re weird for liking it!”

Leah laughed, shaking her head in amusement, but underneath, a wave of sadness washed over her. These moments – simple, ordinary, and filled with love – were becoming increasingly rare. She needed to cherish them.

“Tell you what,” Leah said, her voice softening, “We’ll run through your homework together, and then… my parents are out tonight, so it’ll just be me, you, J and Jord when she comes round for dinner. What do you say to pizza?”

“Cheese pizza?” You asked eagerly, already imagining the cheesy delight.

“Of course, it wouldn’t be anything else. So, why don’t you go grab your bag, and we’ll smash through this homework? And then we’ll have more time to build Lego, right?” Leah suggested, her words full of the kind of energy she desperately wanted to feel.

Leah was determined to fight for you over the coming weeks. She rallied her family, pleaded with her mum and dad to back her, and even roped in Jordan to help. Every connection she had was used to its full potential.

But the system was relentless, and every effort she made was met with the same cold response.

“You’re only 18. You’re too young. You don’t have the resources or experience to take on a child full-time.”

Thankfully Jean had left behind a written statement, ensuring that you would stay with Leah and her family until a formal decision was made.

The moments you spent with Leah and her family were some of the hardest, yet most meaningful moments of her life. You had both suffered through so much loss, and Leah poured every ounce of her heart into giving you the safety, comfort, and love you deserved.

Amanda and David both adored having you around. Amanda had become a maternal figure in your life, cooking your favourite meals and helping with your schoolwork. You loved the jokes David would tell you which would make you giggle controllably. Jacob, just a few years older than you, would happily sit and build Lego with you for hours. Jordan often came over, spending time with you, Leah and Jordan taking to you to the park or kicking a football in the garden.

Leah made sure you knew you weren’t ever alone. Together, you watched movies, played games, and built Lego creations that took days to complete, filled with laughter every step of the way.

Leah and Jordan had even been planning a trip to the zoo for your tenth birthday. They had saved up for weeks, wanting to make it special.

But then everything changed. Despite Leah’s best efforts, the court ruled in her dad’s favour, and you were sent to live with him just days before your birthday. The zoo tickets sat untouched on Leah’s bedside table, a painful reminder of what could have been.

The week leading up to the day you were set to move in with your dad had been filled with chaos, confusion and raw, vulnerable emotions.

It was clear that you were struggling with the impending change, and Leah could see it in your behaviour. You were no longer the calm, sweet little girl she knew but the complete opposite, a whirlwind of tantrums, resistance and anger.

At nine years old, you knew that something was happening. Something big and frightening, and you couldn't express the fear you felt any other way than lashing out.

Leah had tried to talk to you, tried to comfort you, but nothing seemed to work. Each day, you grew more defiant, more unwilling to cooperate, and more upset.

Here you were, sitting at the breakfast table, refusing to eat it with your arms crossed and glaring at the plate of toast in front of you, “I don’t want it!”

“Come on, Monkey,” Leah coaxed gently, “It’s your favourite. I made sure to cut the crusts off, just how you like it. Please try a bite.”

“No!” You shouted, pushing the plate off the table. The crash of the plate hitting the floor echoed through the kitchen, and everyone froze.

Leah stared at the mess, her frustration bubbling to the surface, “Monkey,” She said, her tone sharp, “That was unnecessary.”

You had never acted like this, not even on your worst days.

You slid off the chair and crossed your arms, tears forming in your eyes, "I don't want it. I don't! I'm not eating it. I'm not!"

“Le,” Amanda stepped in, her voice calm and soothing, “She’s scared. This isn’t about the toast.”

Leah pinched the bridge of her nose, exhaling slowly, “Alright,” She said, crouching to clear up the mess, “No breakfast then. Let’s go upstairs and get ready for school.”

“I don’t want to go to school!” You yelled, stomping your foot.

“You have to go, Monkey. You can’t stay here alone,” Leah replied, her patience wearing thin.

You shook your head in defiance, “No! I’m not going!” You continued to shout in protest.

Leah’s jaw tightened, and she stood, towering over you, “Enough. Upstairs. Now.”

The tantrum that followed was one of the worst Leah had ever faced. You kicked and screamed all the way upstairs, making Leah's job of getting you ready nearly impossible. By the time she was dressed and out of the door, you were ten minutes late to school, leaving Leah drained and dreading the rest of the day.

When you got home from school, your mood hadn’t improved at all.

“Monkey?” Amanda called gently, her tone light and inviting, “Do you want to help me set the table for dinner? I could do with my little helper.”

Normally, you’d love to help with this and be super helpful, but this time round, you completely ignored her in favour of focusing on your Lego.

“Monkey?” Amanda tried again, this time adding a playful note, hoping to coax you.

“WHAT?!” You snapped, your voice sharp and defensive.

Amanda blinked, taken aback by your tone, “Oh… I didn’t mean to upset you, sweetheart.”

Leah, who was busy with her own coursework, immediately looked up from her laptop, her brow furrowing, “Hey, excuse me, little madam. That’s not how we talk to people. I’d like you to apologise, please.”

You crossed your arms tightly, refusing to meet Leah’s eyes, “No, I don’t want to apologise to ‘Manda,” You muttered.

“Monkey, I understand you’re upset, but being upset doesn’t give you a free pass to be rude. Apologise now. Please,” Leah stood, her voice calm but firmer now.

“I don’t want to apologise, and I don’t want to set the stupid table!” You shouted, your frustration bubbling over as you slammed a Lego piece onto the table.

Leah crouched down beside you, meeting your eyes with a steady gaze, “I know things feel really hard right now. And I know you have some big feelings inside, but throwing them at people like this isn’t fair. We’ve talked about finding ways to tell us what’s wrong, haven’t we?”

“I DON’T CARE!” You yelled, your hands gripping a Lego block tightly before you hurled it in Leah’s direction.

The block hit Leah’s arm with a soft thud. Her eyes widened in surprise, and for a moment, the room fell silent.

“Monkey,” Leah said after a deep breath, standing up slowly. Her voice had turned firmer now, though it remained steady, “We don’t throw things. That’s not okay,” She told you, “If you're not going to be nice then no more Lego tonight." She bent down to pick up the scattered blocks and placed them back in the box out of your reach.

"HEY. NO. GIVE IT BACK!" You screamed, launching yourself onto the floor, kicking your legs as tears streamed down your face.

Jordan walked into the room as your wail reached its loudest pitch, “Hey– Whoa. What’s going on in here?” She asked, her eyes flicking from you to Leah.

“Jordy! Le’s being mean!” You sobbed, pointing an accusing finger at Leah, “She took my Lego! Tell her to give it back– NOW!”

Jordan crouched down beside you, keeping her expression calm but concerned, “Hey, little one. That’s not how we ask for things, is it?” She said gently, brushing a hand over your hair, “If Le took the Lego away, I’m sure she had a reason. Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“No! She’s just super mean!” You wailed, your voice cracking as you buried your face in your hands.

“She threw a Lego brick at Leah,” Jacob piped up from the other side of the room, his tone matter-of-fact.

“Oh,” Jordan said, her brows lifting as she glanced at Leah, who gave a tired nod, “Well, you know that throwing things isn’t very nice, is it? I’m sure you wouldn’t like it if someone threw something at you, would you?”

“She deserved it!” You blurted, your voice muffled by your hands, “She’s being mean!”

“Hmm,” Jordan said thoughtfully, crouching lower to meet your tearful gaze, “It sounds like you’re feeling really upset right now, but throwing things or shouting doesn’t help anyone understand what’s wrong. Do you want to take some deep breaths and try telling us what’s going on?”

You shook your head stubbornly, curling up tighter on the floor.

Jordan sighed softly and looked up at Leah, who gave her a weary but understanding look, “Alright, little one,” She said, “When you’re ready to talk, we’re here. But for now, let’s take a break, okay?”

Your tantrum, however, carried well into bedtime where your defiance reached new heights.

“Alright, Monkey,” Leah said firmly as she stood by the sofa where you were curled up against Jordan, “It’s time for bed.”

“No! I’m not tired!” You argued, though your drooping eyes betrayed you, “I’m not going to bed! I’m staying up!”

“I don’t think so. It’s getting late, and that means it’s bedtime,” Leah replied, keeping her tone steady but firm.

“I don’t want to!” You yelled, your arms crossing tightly over your chest, “No!”

"Yes," Leah insisted.

You continued to stubbornly glare at Leah, "No!"

Leah took a deep breath, crouching to your level, "I'm not arguing with you about this, Monkey. Let's go –Upstairs to bed, please."

You kicked your legs out defiantly, "No!"

Jordan rubbed your back, trying a different approach, "Hey, come on. How about you go get changed into your pyjamas, and I can read you a bedtime story? We can pick your favourite one.”

"Nooo!” You wailed, “I don't want to go to bed!"

Leah pinched the bridge of her nose, exhaling slowly, "This is not up for decision, Monkey. It's bedtime, and that's final."

But instead of complying, you leaned forward, and in a burst of frustration, bit Leah’s arm.

“Ow, Monkey!” Leah gasped, pulling her arm back in shock, “No, we do not bite. That was very naughty. Why would you do that?”

Jordan winced as she watched you instantly cower in fear at Leah’s words. That is something that you have never done before, “Le, easy. I think she’s just scared with everything going on.”

“That still doesn’t make it acceptable for her to bite, Jord,” Leah retorted, “Monkey, I know you’re upset but we don’t bite. That is not okay to do.”

You froze, realising what you’d done, but the defiance in your eyes didn’t waver, “You’re being mean!” You shouted, even though guilt was beginning to creep in.

“Little one, biting hurts people,” Jordan reminded you, her expression softened but her voice remained calm, “That’s not how we show our feelings, even when we’re upset, it is?”

You shook your head stubbornly, tears welling in her eyes.

“I know things feel hard right now, Monkey,” Leah knelt beside you, her tone softer but still firm, “And I know you’re upset. But hurting people is never okay, no matter how big your feelings are. Do you want to try again and use your words instead?”

Tears began to spill down your cheeks as the weight of your emotions overwhelm you, “I… I don’t want to go, Le,” You finally admitted, your voice cracking as you buried your face in your hands, “I want to stay here with you, and Jordy, and… and ‘Manda, and J, and David.”

“Oh, Monkey,” Leah’s expression softened instantly, scooping you up into her arms and holding you close, “I know you want that, and I would love nothing more than for it to be possible, my girl, but it's… it’s complicated.”

“Then why can’t I?” You cried, your voice trembling with desperation, “Why does it have to be complicated? Why can’t I just stay here, Le?”

Leah sighed, her heart breaking at the rawness of your plea, “Well… Some people decided that it would be best for you to go and live with your biological dad, remember?”

“But I don’t want that!” You sobbed, clutching her tightly, “I want to stay here. I want to stay with you!”

“I know, my girl,” Leah whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of your head, “I know you don’t. And if it were my choice, I wouldn’t let you go. Not for a second.”

“I don’t like it,” You murmured, your voice barely audible as you hid your head in Leah’s chest.

Leah rocked you gently, letting you cry into her jumper while her own eyes glistened with unshed tears, “Sometimes… Sometimes grown-ups make decisions that seem really unfair, don’t they?” She continued softly, “And I wish I could change this for you. I really do. But unfortunately, it’s just… it’s just not possible this time round.”

The morning of the move, the weight of the day pressed down on both of you. You clung to Leah as though she were the only thing anchoring you in the world that suddenly felt too big, too scary.

“Don’t make me go, Le,” You sobbed, your small hands gripping at her hoodie like it was the only thing keeping you from floating away.

Leah’s heart cracked in two. She could feel your pain, your fear, and the helplessness that filled every inch of her. She wanted to shield you, protect you from the uncertainty that lay ahead, but she knew it wasn’t that simple.

Your social worker that had been assigned to you was here to pick you up. She was a stern woman with a clipboard tucked under her arm, standing there impatiently by the door, glancing at her watch every few seconds, “We need to get going, Leah. She’s not going to do well if we keep dragging this out.”

But none of that mattered to you. You were determined you weren’t going anywhere, clinging tighter to Leah, “Nooo! Don’t make me go!”

Leah felt her patience fraying, “I know exactly how my girl is feeling, okay?” She snapped, her voice sharp and raw, “You don’t need to tell me how to handle this.”

The social worker blinked, taken aback by Leah’s tone but unfazed, “It’s just… Well, this is difficult enough without making it worse.”

“I’m aware,” Leah growled, her grip tightening on your shoulder as she tried to stay calm, “But she’s my priority right now.”

You buried your face into Leah’s chest, your sobs shaking her to the core, “I don’t want to go, Le. Please, I don’t want to go!”

“I know, I’m sorry, Monkey,” Leah whispered, her voice cracking with the weight of her own emotions, “I’m so sorry. It’s just… It’s not up to me anymore. It’s… It’s out of my hands, my girl.”

You shook your head, tears soaking up her hoodie, “But I… I don’t want to go. Please don’t make me go.”

Leah tilted her head back, trying to blink away the tears burning her eyes, but they wouldn’t stop. She had to be strong for you, even if she didn’t feel strong at all, “I know, Monkey. I know,” She said softly, brushing your hair out of your face, “Remember how we talked about doing things we don’t want to do?”

“Uh uh,” You sniffed, nodding hesitantly, “Like grandma’s funeral? When I was scared?”

“Yeah, just like that,” Leah replied, her voice gentle but firm. She ran a hand through your hair, her fingers catching on the tangled strands - a reminder of how you’d refused to let her brush it this morning, “Well… This is one of those times, too. It’s hard, and it’s scary, but… it’s something we have to do.”

The social worker cleared her throat, stepping closer, trying to force the moment along, “Leah, we really can’t delay this any longer. It’s time.”

Leah spun around, her face contorting with frustration, tears still hanging heavy in her eyes, “Do you think I don’t know that?!” Her voice cracked under the weight of everything, the words coming out sharper than intended, “I don’t need you rushing me. This is my kid. My kid, okay? Flesh and blood don’t mean anything. And if you think you’re going to make this easier by standing there like you’re some clock-watcher, then you’ve got another thing coming.”

The social worker held up her hands in a gesture of surrender, “I’m just trying to help you both.”

“By hurrying me up?” Leah’s jaw tightened, “By forcing us into this goodbye before we’re ready? That’s not helping. So no, I’m not ‘just’ going to let you make this harder. You’re going to have to wait.”

You looked up at Leah, eyes red and tear-streaked, “I want to stay with you, Le. Please… Please don’t make me go!”

Leah knelt down, bringing your face to hers. She wiped away your tears with the pads of her thumbs, “I know, Monkey. I know… But we talked about this, remember? You have to be brave.”

“I… I don’t want to be brave,” You continued to sob, shaking your head as tears continued to spill down your cheeks, “I don’t want to, I want to stay here. I want to… I want to stay with you. Don’t make me go, Le!”

“Shh, I know, my girl, I know,” Leah cupped your face and pulled you closer to her, “You’re going to be okay, Monkey. You are… It’s going to be fine. You are going to be fine.”

The social worker shifted uneasily, glancing at the door, “Leah, I really think we need to–”

“No. Not yet,” Leah snapped, her patience completely gone, turning back to you, her arms wrapping around you tighter as if to keep the world at bay for just a little while longer, “You’re gone to be fine, you’re going to be okay, my girl. I love you so much.”

You sniffled against her shoulder, still reluctant to let go. The social worker took a step back, choosing silence instead of pushing further.

“I know it all seems big and scary right now that things are changing, but I need you to be brave, yeah?” Leah squeezed you a bit tighter, savouring the moment before she looked up at the social worker from where she knelt beside you, “I know it’s time but do you think I could just have a minute alone? Please.”

The social worker hesitated but nodded, stepping back into the hallway, and leaving Leah and you alone.

“I’m never going to stop fighting for you, Monkey,” Leah leaned in close, her voice barely above a whisper, “I’m never going to stop, okay? I love you, my girl.”

“I love you too, Le,” You whispered back.

Leah pulled you into one last tight hug, wishing for time to stop, wishing she could keep you forever. But the reality was unavoidable.

“Be brave my girl,” Leah murmured with a final, heart-wrenching kiss on your forehead, she stood up, wiping away the last of her tears.

“I… I should’ve fought harder,” Leah muttered, her voice barely above a whisper, the exhaustion in her words heavy with self-doubt.

Leah sat on her mum’s sofa, her phone lying untouched in her lap. Her fingers gripped the cushion, her eyes unfocused as she stared at the black screen. Her mind replayed the last few hours – the goodbye, the sobs, the quiet ache of watching you leave – and the words she’d been trying to ignore crept up again, gnawing at her insides.

“Le, you did everything that you could,” Jordan said softly, sitting beside her on the sofa. She’d come round that night, knowing how difficult this was for Leah. She placed a hand on Leah’s knee, her touch grounding, “You couldn’t have done more.”

“It doesn’t feel like it,” Leah whispered, shaking her head, “She begged me, Jord. She begged me to not let her go, and I… I couldn’t stop it,” Her voice cracked, and she swallowed hard, trying to keep the tears at bay, “What kind of a person am I if I can’t even protect her?”

Jordan wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close, “You’re the kind of person who loves her enough to keep fighting, even when it feels impossible. That’s who you are, Le.”

Leah leaned into Jordan’s embrace, her chest tightening with the effort of holding back her emotions.

Before she could respond, the sound of hurried footsteps on the stairs caught both of their attention. Moments later, Jacob appeared, clutching a small, worn brown and white monkey.

“Mum?” Jacob’s expression was hesitant and unsure, glancing towards Amanda, “I found this on the stairs…” He held it out, the monkey’s arms ragged from years of being chewed on.

Leah stared at the stuffed monkey, her breath catching in her throat, “That’s… That’s Monkeys,” She whispered, her voice breaking, “If she doesn’t have that then…” Her hands trembled as she reached out and took the stuffed monkey, clutching it tightly to her chest.

“She’s not going to be able to sleep without it,” Jacob said quietly, his tone filled with the kind of innocent wisdom that only children possess.

Leah couldn’t hold back anymore. A sob escaped her lips as she buried her face in the monkey’s soft fur, the familiar scent hitting her like a wave. All the emotions she’d been holding in – the guilt, the heartbreak, the helplessness – poured out in heavy, gut-wrenching sobs.

Jordan tightened her hold around Leah, whispering soothing words into her ear as Amanda came over, sitting on Leah’s other side, “She’s going to be okay, Bubba,” She said firmly, though her own eyes were glassy, “You’ve done everything you can, and she knows you love her.”

Leah shook her head, tears streaming down her face, “It’s not enough,” She choked out, “She needs me. I… I should’ve fought harder.”

“You fought as hard as you could,” Jordan reassured her, “And you’re not done fighting, Le. You’re not giving up on her.”

Leah’s jaw clenched, tears brimming in her eyes, “I’ll never give up on our girl. Never.”

Amanda reached over and squeezed her hand, “And that’s why, in the end, you’re going to be the one she turns to.”

#woso x reader #scribblesofagoonerr #monkey #woso fanfics #woso imagine #woso one shot #leah williamson x reader #our girl fic #chaos fc reader

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the-fab-fox · 16 hours ago

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And that's totally valid. Just wanted to help explain my understanding on the matter to help others better see it as not necessarily problematic but still be able to be like yeah but no, still not for me. XD that's being open minded which these days feels like trying to find a needle in a haystack. So thank you for reading with an open mind. 💖

Now on the other ships I've mentioned. I've got a series that has Idia x Che'nya but it's the 6th fic in the series. You don't necessarily have to read the others but it does have throwbacks to the others lol. If you're interested though id happily link ya.

On the Malleus x Rollo x Idia x Azul, in my mind it's more the first 3 dating each other while Idia and Azul date. (But obviously since you like Azul x Idia platonically that might not work either unless Azul is a qpr for Idia. Just a thought that came to me just now. Qpr Azul x Idia with one or both being aro/aroace. Oooh I like that a lot too actually. And for me it's mostly just all of their dynamics in the last bit of Glomas and Malleus essentially messing with him at the end lol.

It is but it also makes so much sense for me. Two loudest guys at school, one grump all time, one sunshine all time, Sebek definitely tsundere and Kalim just brushes past the obviously forced disinterest and is just so accommodating and nurturing and caring and compassionate. It's really hard to ignore that for a long time. Especially when the smile be sends his way for him alone sends his heart to race in a way it never has and he's totally not gonna talk to Lilia about this because this is way too embarrassing. Why is he feeling like this? Never been a problem before. I don't know this new feeling. Ugh. Finally goes to Lilia. And Lilia is just 😏 my time has come and one of my kiddos is finally leaving the nest. (Does he also mess with Sebek in the advice he gives? This bish literally gives two fucks when cooking the things he is gonna serve others. Of course he's gonna mess with them. LMAO) - this ship will be the last fic in my 8 part series but as they were already established in the series, a lot of their current interactions are seen throughout the series.

If your interested at all in the series, I'd be happy to share.

But yeah, talking ships is so much fun.

hey guess my twst ships 🤗

i'm sane

also don't look at the tags it's CHEATING 👹 /J

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notthesoup · 1 day ago

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PAIRING vi, jinx, caitlyn, mel, sevika x gn!reader

TYPE headcanons

GENRE fluff

SYNOPSIS nicknames they’d call you

NOTES filler content as I work on a few more reqs. this is also probably the only time i’m writing for caitlyn. anyways let me know if y’all would be interested in a part 2!!

— VI

sweets

sugar

babe (ironically at first, but then it sticks)

muffin (if you were the rebound 💔)

her voice always cracks in the middle of the petname when you look up at her fondly in response.

— JINX

toots

trinket

snookums (as a joke)

honey (but only when saying “Honey!! I’m home <3” a tad satirically)

honestly will call you anything that’s even slightly funny. Likes to get creative with it too, you’ll never hear her use the same petname twice unless it has a good kick to it.

— CAITLYN

my love

darling

dear/dearest

only calls you petnames in the quiet moments between you two

— MEL

darling

beloved/my beloved

hun/honey (she thinks she’s funny)

a shorter variation of your name

always these petnames with such care and gentleness

— SEVIKA

sugar

doll

pet

she’s not too big on nicknames, prefers to call you by name unless you’re in private

ARCANE MASTERLIST !

ADDITIONAL NOTE! if you like my work, please consider reblogging and/or commenting! thank you if you do 🤍

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madamechrissy · 2 days ago

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=͟͟͞♡ Healing Hearts =͟͟͞♡

=͟͟͞♡ Pairings:-Doctor Gojo x Intern F!Reader

=͟͟͞♡ Contents/warnings- MDNI- Warnings- overuse/incorrect use of prescription meds, angsty asf in places, scene of a medical procedure, death of a patient )at the beginning) heavy subject matter, some sexual tension. Reader, 26, Dr. Gojo 34- Grey's vibes ✨️

=͟͟͞♡ Word Count- this chap- 8k

=͟͟͞♡ Summary- You are the top Surgical Doctor intern, along with Maki, Yuta and Toge. You all are exhausted from passing the first month, sixteen plus hour days, days you don't even go home, all to get a top spot with the star Surgeon, Dr. Gojo, your resident doctor and boss. Or as you call him, Dr. Hojo. He's takes nothing serious but his surgeries it seems, and has a reputation for being a player, but he has that top spot, so you want to prove your worth! You just have to ignore those stupid butterflies he gives you, and those pretty blue eyes, along with his interest in you, and focus!

♡ Reblogs and comments appreciated ♡

=͟͟͞♡ Part Five =͟͟͞♡ Playlist =͟͟͞♡ Masterlist

Part Six

Satoru has a morning routine.

Skincare? Well a splash of cold water on his face, he’s been lucky enough to have insane genetics, in his mid thirties he could pass for a college student, not a line on his perfect skin. But that was really all he did, that splash of cold water every morning, as he then starts to take his morning cocktail, after that he makes himself eat something, then brushes his teeth.

After that, he gets ready for the day, and as that Adderall mixes with his morning coffee? Fuck it’s perfection. Then when the Kolonopin hits right along with it, Satoru’s mind is blissfully open, and he’s able to focus on what he does best, saving lives. One doesn’t just become the best doctor there is, no that takes time, precision, and a lot of sacrifice.

Satoru is alone, usually. For a night he had you in here, in his bed and snuggled against him, and fuck he enjoyed it, which terrifies him. It’s been a week since he’s been able to do more than sneak hungry kisses with you in the locker room of the hospital, your schedule is longer than even his as you’re an intern, recently you worked twenty four hours straight.

Fuck he admires you, how even exhausted and dead on your feet, you manage to put a bright smile on your face, he’d love to just take care of you, but you have to go through this to truly become a great doctor. But he finds himself missing you, constantly thinking about you. You’ve become a fixation, a sort of obsession, he wants to know so much more about you.

He wants your body to fall apart under him again, wants to taste your arousal on his tongue, feel you clench around his fingers, watch as your cheeks flush and your hips raise for him. He wants you naked in his bed, but he also knows he’s just not good enough for you, for what you want and need.

But he’s selfish.

It’s almost Christmas, and the snow has piled up as he slides into his warmed up car, thinking of you and your ancient SUV, he hopes you at least have heat. His drive to the hospital is quiet, no music, as he takes another pill, this one is his Xanax, something about Klonopin and Xanax is blissful. Any stress he has gets replaced by a ton of ‘I don’t give any fucks’.

He knows you saw, you haven’t mentioned it though, and tonight he’s supposed to actually get you on this date. He wants time with just you, no other distractions, being inside of you is better than any cocktail of benzos he could dream of. If it was all his life consisted of, maybe he could go without it.

But the real world is just that.

The waiting room is packed, Satoru instantly goes into doctor mode, getting one lady in a wheelchair who’s vomiting blood, and he thanks god for that xanax, to help him through. He thanks god (or medicine rather) for the adderall making him have enough energy to run back and forth like a madman, helping everyone he can.

He helps the med students, the interns, the patients, the doctors on the floor who all come to him. ‘Dr. Gojo’ this ‘Please, Dr. Gojo- a minute’ that. Can you check this patient, can you check this scan, all while he’s got his eyes on his four interns, including the girl consuming him, the girl with exhausted eyes and shoulders that just look too narrow lately.

The girl he makes eat something because she’s been here all night helping a baby after a rough c section. He finds you in the nicu, with your hand inside the incubator, when he holds the coffee and muffin he’s brought you. But he pauses to watch you, as you mesmerize him with your pretty smile, singing something to the itty bitty baby.

“Does that actually help? I’ve heard it does.” Satoru murmurs, you jolt just a bit, looking up at him nervously.

“I think they enjoy the interaction, do you know if baby’s don’t get it they just… won’t make it?” You gulp as you speak, before continuing to hum.

“Shoko says you’ve been at it all night, why not eat a little something?” He suggests, you sigh, nodding then, taking off your gloves, going to wash your hands and pat them dry.

“You’re so sweet, thank you.” You give him a little kiss, and he exhales, setting your things down to pull you close.

“I miss you, can you hate babies already so you’re back on my floor?” You giggle breathlessly then.

“No, sorry. I miss you too.” You kiss him slowly, softly, your lips little brushes against his, in an easy rhythm that feels so natural, so perfect.

“Fine, one more day then I want you back.”

“Needy for me?” You tease, and he exhales, nodding. “I can’t wait for us to have a date, if shit doesn’t hit the fan.”

“When doesn’t it? Alright, you eat Missy.”

“Thank you Satoru.” You kiss him again, he pulls you so tight, like he can’t get you close enough, before letting you go.

After eating your breakfast/lunch/dinner - that muffin encompasses all of your overnight shift - you’re yawning when Shoko comes to you. “Emergency c section, you ready for this, intern?”

“Ready.” You’re scrubbing in now with Dr. Shoko, as the patient is prepped and sedated, falling into a slumber.

“She was a drug user, the entirety of the pregnancy.” Shoko informs you softly, as well as the others, and you pause then, looking up at her soft brown eyes behind her glasses.

“Is that why she’s so small?” You murmur, she looks maybe three months pregnant at best.

“Mmhm, it’s not the first. Four of them had fetal problems, two made it and were sent to child protective services.”

“Four!?” Shoko sighs, nodding as she starts prepping her, drawing a line with a marker over her lower abdomen.

The surgery begins, you’re trying to keep your eyes on the procedure, not the heart rate monitor of the baby you heard earlier, already so faint there’s likely no chance. You don’t need to hear the baby’s heart drop, not when you know what that means, not when it’s one of your worst fears in this job so far.

You know all lives are important, but something about a sweet, precious baby not making it makes you question anything and everything, kids in general, it’s so much to handle so much. You know you can’t let it get you, you have to do what you do with all patients, focus.

Satoru wants you to dislike babies, to know better, but where he’s wrong is working with Shoko has you more in love with them. But you could do without, without having children, even if it’s heartbreaking to think of, if it meant having Satoru’s love. You could put that aside and respect him, but right now all you can think of is how badly you hope this baby has a chance.

“Scalpel.” You watch as Shoko makes the incision, a perfect line, and you’re trying to keep your breath even as you watch her pull back the skin, the muscle, the fat, until she’s finally cutting toward the uterus.

You both are resting pieces of this woman’s small body on her nearly flat, open stomach, one of the oddest parts of the procedure. “Not much blood, that’s good.”

“Yes, here.” Then you see it, the uterus as Shoko hands you the scalpel. “You can do this.”

You take it with sure hands, a sense of dread filling you, one you’ve felt before, but you shove it down, as you delicately cut to reveal the baby, so tiny and blue, and not moving whatsoever. You swallow down the bile in your throat, taking a deep breath behind your mask as you start to suction its nose and mouth, it’s little limbs twitching slightly for just a moment.

“Come on, come on little one, breathe, please.” You whisper, your voice hoarse as you try to get it to breathe, taking the little boy to the little table as Shoko stitches the mom back up.

You’re intubating the baby that’s not crying, you’re giving it oxygen, you’re doing the little compressions, and you can’t hold back the tears that fall as you realize there’s no chance. This baby is maybe five months gestation at best, but even for that it’s unreasonably tiny, it’s just a helpless little doll on your table, one that you keep trying, as Shoko comes, listening for breathing, looking for any sign of life.

You hate that you're crying right here, that you can barely hold yourself together. Just what sort of doctor even are you!? You hate that you’re not stronger than this, but you’re just so tired, and you hate that you can’t save everyone, especially this little boy. Did he even have a chance, as his mother did all of that?

Even so, you hate that you couldn’t save him. You hate that Satoru isn’t here to hold you, to whisper sweet nothings in your ear, to distract you from this depression, Shoko’s murmuring in your ear, but you can’t even hear her truly. You keep repeating to yourself- ‘you’re a doctor, you’re a doctor, you’re a doctor’.

You have to keep going, even when it’s hard, right? You keep going even when it’s all just too much. You are shaking however, when Shoko gently pulls you away from the lifeless little body, shaking her head then.

“Long gone, sweetheart. I’m sorry.” You shake your head, you have to be pried off the little lifeless baby.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“Shh, it’s okay. Step outside, I’ll be there.”

You realize from the talk amongst the nurses and others that the mother didn’t even care, she had meant to have an abortion but was too preoccupied, and thought drugs would ‘deal with it’. You can’t stop your anger, your fury, despite needing to remain ‘detached’.. You’re sobbing silently, sitting in one of the waiting room seats when Shoko and Satoru come to you.

“Think you need to take a break, go with Satoru for a bit, hmm?” You nod a bit, Shoko holds you for a moment, kissing your head, and you fall into Satoru’s arms, wrapped up so tightly, inhaling his scent, that cologne of his, feeling his heart against your cheek.

“Oh, baby… I’m so sorry.” He whispers huskily. “Come on, let’s go have some privacy?”

Soon you’re in his office, and you can’t hold it back anymore, not when it’s just the two of you, you break down completely, until you’re a mess.

“Shh, shh.” Satoru’s rubbing your back as you break into sobs, unable to breathe now, getting lightheaded as your breaths come in sharp little pants. “Hey, you need to take a deep breath.”

“C-can’t… how can I… be a doc- if I…” You’re all flushed and red when he pulls back and looks at you, cupping your face between his big hands.

“Breathe. In. Out.”

“C-can’t, can’t… fucking it all up… I…” You back away then, hand on your chest, struggling as your hands are going numb, and you feel yourself getting dizzy. “The baby is just… he’s just gone and I… I can’t take it.”

Satoru sighs, holding you closely. “You have to though, this is what being a doctor is, sweetheart.”

You sniffle, feeling your blood pressure rising more and more, the crushing weight and your exhaustion hitting. “Then I can’t, I can’t-”

“Yes. You can.” Satoru shakes you then, grabbing you by your shoulders. “You can do this, you did what you could with the baby. Plenty of others you’ve saved, and their moms. You can’t fix everything.”

“I… I…” You collapse against him, sobbing again, as the door knocks, Satoru shushes you gently.

“Yeah?”

“Dr. Gojo…” You hear Miwa’s voice then, you quickly swipe at the streams of tears on your sticky cheeks.

“I’m busy right now, what is it?” You’re turning away, trying to get yourself together now.

“I am prepping OR 3 for surgery.”

“Yes, thanks.” Satoru’s hand is on your back now, comforting in its touch, but then his words make you tense. “Do you see now?”

“See what exactly?” You turn to him, eyes swimming with tears that are burning as you struggle to focus.

Satoru sighs, swiping a hand through his silky white locks, before putting his hands in the lab coat pockets, tilting his head. “How awful it’d be, to have kids. Especially this line of work, how could you keep it all together?”

You glare then, jaw setting, hands clenched into fists by your sides, fury taking over every part of you. “What!?”

“I don’t mean to be insensitive, but maybe this is a learning lesson, a reality check of what you’ll handle here.”

Your jaw clenches so tightly it hurts, breaths quicker and quicker. “You know what? I have not said shit about the cocktail of pills in your bathroom. I have not said shit about the fact that you seem to hate kids or something. I have not said one word about you, about your lifestyle, your fear of commitment, I haven’t tried to change you or pry.”

Satoru falters then, hitting him in waves how furious you are, realizing now what he’s done, his lips parting. “Shit, I’m sorry, I-”

“No, you’ll let me finish, Dr. Gojo.” At your formal tone he’s breaking, he sees it then, you’re trembling, barely able to keep it together, he feels your anger and even worse, your disappointment. “I haven’t said a damn thing, because we just got together, and we don’t even know each other yet.”

“You act like this connection is normal?” His hands go to your waist, but you shove them off.

“No, it’s not, but what is also not normal is pushing someone to want what you want. You’re trying so hard to make me change my mind, for what? So I can be a perfect little girlfriend for you? So easy, let you do what you want and have no fucking opinions?”

“That’s not what I want. I want you.” He tries again, but his hands freeze an inch above your skin when you glare up at him through tears.

“I don’t pry, I don’t judge, I just accept you. But you can’t accept anything that doesn’t fit into your world, can you?”

“I can accept it, I just know you’re not thinking rationally, you’re young and still inexperienced.”

You laugh then, a humorless laugh at him. “That’s insane talk from you, truly Dr. Gojo. Your whole MO is thinking outside the norms, is letting feelings in. But only if it benefits you. And my age? I’m no baby, you’re not even that much older.”

“It’s life experience, is all.”

“Hah, you don’t even know my life.”

“Just… I’ll drop it. I swear.” You shake your head at him, and he panics then, sensing you falling back from him. “I will drop it, come here, you’re upset.”

“Yes, I’m upset! What I just had to see, what I just had to… and you’re what, rubbing it in my face!?”

Satoru’s blood pressure rises as he realizes he’s losing you, his hands trembling, sure hands that never falter. “I’ll stop, just don’t… don’t do it.”

“Don’t do what?” You whisper, he cups your face and you can’t push him away, not when he slams his lips down on yours, and you’re kissing him back for just a moment, before thinking better of it, freezing your lips, pressing them in a terse line. He’s a breath away, leaning over you, taking over you completely.

But you can’t.

“Don’t you leave me. Please. You’re important to me.” He needs you, he needs you so badly, but he feels you slipping through his fingers, knowing he’s pushed you too far. “I’ll drop this. I’ll respect what you want.”

“Oh now you will? Instead of comforting me after watching that little baby…” You can’t even say it, you can’t even think of it, the images in your head making you devastated. “You know I’m emotional, you knew that and you said it was a good thing for a doctor, but because it’s not what you want in this situation you use it as what. A lesson? It’s no lesson, it was a baby!”

Satoru sighs now, shaking his head, covering his face, temples pounding as the blood rushes to his brain. “It was fucked up of me.”

“Yeah, it was.” You take a shaky breath, shaking your numb hands, pacing now, and Satoru watches you with his heart in his throat. “I can’t.”

“Don’t do this. I see what I did.”

“This isn’t good, any of it, me and you. What do we have? We had insane sex, I have feelings…”

Satoru blinks snowy lashes, droplets just nearing the tips of them, as his lower lip trembles, damn near ending your resolve. “You have-”

“Feelings that are too much. It’s too much, I can’t even focus on this internship, you consume me.” Satoru yanks you against his chest, his breath sweeping over your swollen lips, bitten to death from the stress of the day.

“You think you don’t consume me?” He whispers hoarsely, and you shake your head, earning his humorless laugh. “You’re wrong, so wrong, sweetheart.”

“Don’t call me that. Don’t look at me that way, those eyes of yours, eyes that make me stupid.” You shove at his chest as those blue eyes take you over, snowy lashes lowered, a beautiful face that makes you ache.

“Don’t leave me. Please.” His voice breaks, and you feel it, his vulnerability, it makes your stomach flip, makes you almost sick.

“Why can’t you accept me, when I accept you?”

“Because I don’t want to disappoint you, I thought it’d be better if you want…”

“What you want.”

Satoru gulps now. “I’m selfish, I want you and only you, I wouldn’t want something else in our lives.”

“Our lives?” You laugh then. “There’s never an ‘our’. Not when you just want to fix everything you deem wrong with me.”

“I don’t want to ‘fix’ you. I’ll stop it. Just kiss me.”

“No.” He pauses a centimeter from your lips, exhaling. “I won’t kiss you anymore, I won’t let you say insane things in my ear while you fuck me, ‘only me ever’ what are you trying to do to me!?”

“I meant it.”

“No, let me go.” His hands drop, as he blinks back tears, and you’re a mess in front of him. “Satoru… I could have gotten over it for you. Wanting marriage, wanting serious shit, wanting kids. Don’t you know I’d give it all up for you, for a chance to be with you? But you trying to change me? That’s where I draw the line.”

You hate seeing him in tears, your beepers both go off then, and you step away, heading towards the door. Satoru’s hand stops you, over your little one, his voice desperate as he leans over you. “I was wrong, will you just forgive me?”

“You made me work with Shoko to hate babies. Then when it backfires, you say something like that?”

“I know. I know.” He hugs you from behind, burying his head against your neck, and you love the embrace, you love him.

But you also love yourself, and you can’t handle it anymore, the cold, cruel way he goes about things. The careless way he dismisses you and all of your feelings, the way he thinks only his way is right, that everyone should think as he does. You shake in his hold, everything pulling you to him.

“Do you hate me?” He whispers brokenly, and you shake your head, looking up at him now, his blue eyes glittering with tears.

“I could never. Far from it.”

“Then give me a chance to fix it.” His thumb brushes over your jaw, your precious face destroyed, your beeper goes off again and you take a breath.

“Let me go. We’ll talk later.”

You walk out, leaving him sobbing against the door, his head against it, fist landing on it, struggling to pull himself together. You’ve in just a couple months become the most important thing in the world to him, but you’re just… leaving him. And he can’t blame you, he’s confused you, he’s turned your life upside down, and he instead of comforting you…

He threw shit in your face.

Why couldn’t he just let you want kids? Well, because he can’t be a parent, and he can’t give you it, and he wants you, no he needs you. He needs you with him, only him, to feel your lips on his, your body against him. To see your little smile, to hear your moans and cries, to comfort you when you’re exhausted.

He should have comforted you, why did he need to do it like that? Why did he fuck everything up? The thoughts swarm in his head as he leans back in his chair now, covering his face with a hand, before he yanks open his drawer. He takes out the xanax and crushes it right on his desk, lining them up with a credit card he yanks now from his wallet.

He rolls up a hundred dollar bill and snorts it right up his nostril, it burns like a bitch, makes his eyes water, but he knows it will hit soon, he won’t give as many fucks, right? But after twenty minutes he’s taking another, and another, until he sees his shift is done, and he’s weakly walking towards the locker rooms, seeing you there changing, looking at your gorgeous frame.

Your eyes catch his then, you quickly look away, your eyes are puffy from the crying he’s made you do, when he slips off his shirt, head fuzzy. He stumbles just a bit, catching your concerned gaze. Which infuriates him then, he steadies himself and glares at you, slipping off his own shirt, noticing your gaze just grows more worried when he slips his top on.

“Satoru, what’s… are you okay?” You care about him? Why?

“Just peachy, sweets.” He gives you a fake smile, and your heart races, as you look up at eyes almost black, so dilated.

“Satoru are you-”

“Don’t ask shit about my life. You’re done, right?” His unexpectedly cruel words pierce your heart, you turn away, body shaking. “That’s what I thought.”

“Are you okay?” You ask again, turning back around, watching his lids lower just a bit as he leans over you, pressing you against the cool metal of the lockers.

“No, m’not okay. Girl of my fuckin’ dreams hates me.” You hear it, the slut of his words, as he takes a hand and cups your face. “Why do you gotta be so beautiful?”

“You’re fucked up.” You manage to breathe out, and he smirks then.

“Me? Nah. Maybe fucked up over you, intern. Haunt my every dream, now you’re gonna just leave?”

“Satoru…”

“You should know what you’re missing.” He kisses you again, desperate and messy, brutal and hungry, hands pulling you against his hard body. You whimper, hating your body’s reaction to him, how it lights up. “You want me, huh?”

“Of course I do. It’s you who can’t accept me.”

“I can… I can…” He kisses you again, one hand cupping you between your thighs over your leggings. “Always so hot f’me.”

“We won’t do it. I deserve better.”

“You do.” He presses a finger along your clit, moaning then. “Better, better… you do… lemme just take care of you, hmm?”

“Stop it, Toru. You’re not yourself right now.”

“This is me.” He kisses you again, as you press on his chest. “It’s all me, this is really me. Gonna run the other fuckin direction when you learn.”

“Ahem.” Suguru’s clearing of his throat does nothing to Satoru, who’s in a haze of lust, depression and xanax. “Satoru, back off.”

“She’s leaving me, Sugu, who doesn’t?”

“It’s not like that!” You hiss through your teeth.

“Satoru…”

“What?” He sways just a bit, Suguru’s frowning now as he looks at him.

“Really, Satoru?”

“What? Really what? I’m tired of everyone so fucking judgy.”

“Suguru take him home.” You whisper, and he nods then, but Satoru glares over at you.

“Why should he?” He demands. “I’m fine. I take more than I did for fucking breakfast.”

“You can’t have someone see you like this.” Your first worry is someone walking in, Satoru losing his career, every other hurt or worry is thrown into a back seat.

“M’perfect, baby. Should I show you?” He kisses you again, as you shove at him, glaring.

“You’re not perfect, maybe something’s hitting harder? You’re not okay.” He shakes his head, laughing now, eyes glinting.

“No I’m not okay, how can I be? When you’re leaving me.”

“I’m not, I just… I’m mad and I’m upset. Okay? Let me be. It doesn’t mean you have to… hurt yourself-”

“You hurt me existing.” He whispers, cupping your face again.

“Satoru, enough.” Suguru’s words resonate in Satoru’s brain, thank god. “Get your goddamn jacket and shoes on.” Satoru huffs and Suguru brushes your hair back as he finally lets you breathe, ever so gently, dark violet eyes filled with concern. “Are you okay, love?”

You nod quickly. “We just… have different views and he was hurtful, but I’m worried more than anything.” You whisper, looking at Satoru now, you’ve never, ever seen him like this. Your heart hurts for him.

“He’ll be fine, I’ve got it. You get home and get some sleep.”

“Thank you, Suguru.” He nods, and you shut your locker, when Satoru looks at you with devastated eyes, shattering your heart.

“I’m so sorry for what I did. Okay?” He whispers, taking your hands then, and you sigh, shutting your eyes for a moment.

“Satoru I never put myself first, with my toxic exes. I let them run all over me. I have to take care of my heart this time.It’s not that I don’t feel it, I feel it. Just please, I have to put myself as a priority.” You touch his chest over his soft sweater, and he has two trails of tears falling from his cerulean eyes.

“Do you need time?”

“I need a minute to breathe, to think. We’ll talk more when you’re…”

“What, sober? Sweetheart I never am.” He whispers, right against your lips, Suguru puts a hand on his shoulder now.

“She’ll talk to you tomorrow. Right?”

“I will.” Satoru kisses your forehead, and you have to hold in every bit of you that wants to take him home yourself, that part screaming forgive him.

But even for Satoru Gojo, the man that’s taken over your heart, you have to protect yourself.

“Good night, then intern.” He murmurs, running the backs of his cool fingers across your overheated cheek.

“Good night Satoru, Suguru.” He gives you the smallest smile, when you leave Suguru exhales, covering his face.

“I fucked it all up, Sugu.” His voice is broken, and Suguru puts an arm around him now.

“How much did you take?”

“Four bars. Not OD level.”

“Thank god. Just… Come on, let’s get you out of here.” Soon you see Satoru and Suguru, as you climb up in your car, and you rest your head on the steering wheel, bawling your eyes out.

It feels so wrong not to be in his arms, not to kiss him, something that just started became so precious to you, so special. But what he did was nasty and hurtful, what he keeps doing, trying to make you change like this, you know you’ve done the right thing. But you also know you’re in love with him, with a beautiful, brilliant and broken man, and you won’t be able to let him go fully.

*****

The next morning Satoru is there bright and early, sipping on coffee in the cafeteria as you walk in, faltering. Remembering so vividly being pressed against those lockers, those eyes that were black almost are now a calm storm of blue, as he looks at you over his hot cup, steam fogging up around his face. You just stand there, because you’re exhausted, you’re hurt.

You want to be with him more than anything, you wanted to go on that damn date with him, wanted to fall asleep in his arms. You want to just forgive him so easily, to fall into the abyss that is Satoru Gojo, to feel those plush lips on yours, to have those eyes devour you. Feel those long fingers that are currently curling around that styrofoam cup, touching your cheek.

You both stand there, until you clear your throat, smiling just a little, a sad smile that makes Satoru feel like shit. He knows how bad he’s hurt you, he’s had all morning to think about it, about how fragile you were, so vulnerable, coming to him to feel better, and what did he do instead? Make you leave him, devastate you, and all he can think of is how to put a real smile on your face again.

“Morning, Dr. Gojo.” You say softly, eyes lowering, lashes casting shadows over your cheeks.

“Good morning, intern.” He says, his voice isn’t the bright and goofy one you’re used to, or the husky sultry one for you, or even the flirtatious one. It’s a soft voice, unsure, just like you.

You grab your coffee now, your shoulder brushing his, just that contact alone makes you ache, the pain in your heart so brutal you feel emotions starting to come in waves. There is so much left unsaid as you both walk out past the packed waiting room, heading over to the elevator, Satoru presses the button, and you stand next to him, feeling the pull, it’s just stronger today.

“I’m…” Satoru clears his throat, looking down at you now, your breath catches. “I’m really sorry that I pushed it. I understand we’re over, but I need to tell you.”

You look up at, swallowing nervously, the backs of his hand brushing against yours, and yours gently brushes back, sending shivers down his spine. “I forgive you, I do. It’s just… we’re too different.”

Satoru turns toward you, leaning down low, free hand cupping your face. “Too different?”

You nod, feeling the tears burning your eyes. “We are, Satoru, so different, and that’s okay. But I think we both know it won’t work.”

“Yeah, you think so?” His words are hoarse, his gaze tearing through your every barrier, a sad, lost gaze.

“I do. Maybe you were happier before, a Hojo and all.” You smile sadly, looking down at his perfect lips. “I hope we can be friends, when you go back to collecting those infinity stones.”

Satoru presses the stop on the elevator then, making you gasp, pulling you by your waist against him, so close you taste that sweet mocha on his breath. “You can leave me, I get it, but don’t think for one minute you’re not all I want. Don’t think I’m giving up on this.”

You can’t speak, not when he’s so close, not when the words he’s saying are ruining you, that you’re melting for him, as your own free hand slides up his chest. “You’re not?”

“How could I? It’s you.” Satoru exhales against you, almost brushing his lips on yours, before pulling back, starting the elevator. “Want that goddamn date with you. I’ll do anything I can to earn it.”

“Satoru…” He walks off when the elevator opens, leaving you to lean against the rail, head pressed against the wall, you’re not sure what floor you’re going to, you just know he’s got you too far gone to leave just now.

He’s not giving up on you, and you don’t want him to give up, either. But with so much between you left unsaid, you have no clue what any of it means. When you’re finally where you need to be, after several elevator rides of pulling yourself together, Satoru checks his rolex, peering at you.

“You’re late, intern.” His voice is calm, professional.

“I know, I’m sorry.” You manage hoarself, as Toge, Yuuta and Maki look at you, concern in their gazes, as they of all people truly knew what a mess you were last night after you got home.

“Don’t let it be a habit.” Gojo says, trying to be stern but it’s failing, it’s just a soft little order, one you nod at. “Wanna work with Shoko or do the pit with me?”

You’re surprised then, blinking a bit. “The pit, if I can please.”

He gives just the smallest little smile. “Then you’re on it. Maki, your week with Shoko.”

“Babies, yuck.” She shivers and Satoru smiles just a bit bigger, as Yuuta snorts in laughter.

Satoru surely feels the same as Maki, but you?

Satoru knows you are yourself, uniquely so. He now knows you were going to sacrifice it all for him, and he didn’t deserve you, not one bit, you deserve more, everything. But he’s so selfish, he wants you back, and he knows he’ll do anything for it, to have you back in his embrace, which feels so empty.

When you’re both alone in his office later, while going over a patient, he keeps his distance as much as he can. Satoru wants to respect this, your wishes, but his hands long to touch you, even those casual teasing brushes you all shared had meant so much to him.

“Present your case, intern.” He says then, leaning on his desk, you feel this distance he is keeping, and it breaks you, but you pull it together, this is your decision right?

“We had a patient with hours of stomach pain last night, ultrasound found gallstones, which should be what occurred, and ordered an EKG to rule out any potential signs of heart attack.”

“Perfect.”

“Patient is in his late fifties, mild drinker, smoker, but otherwise healthy, a little overweight. He likes tacos, he said.” You smile just a bit at it.

“Well who doesn’t? And EKG results?”

“Everything came back normal.”

“So what’s the best course of action?”

“The stones are small, but there are a few. I would suggest a laparoscopic cholecystectomy first, aside from gallbladder removal. That, and a lower fat diet, along with no alcohol should have him just right.” Satoru smiles at you, fuck you make him proud, holding yourself high.

“Exactly right, do you want to assist?”

You blink in surprise, you weren’t sure after everything, but Satoru is clearly not holding any of this against you. “If you would let me, of course, Sir.”

Sir.

Should be calling him that in the bedroom, he thinks, how pretty you’d be on your knees, begging for his cock in your mouth. The images are so lewd and it takes him everything to keep it together. He smiles though, sitting down and taking one of his klonopin right in front of you. You look away nervously, biting your lip.

“You should know all of me. You should know you were smart to leave.” He takes one and chews it up, feeling the sweetness hit his tongue.

“I don’t want to leave you.” You whisper, coming to him then, he pulls you between his thighs now, and you cup his face. “I didn’t judge you.”

“I know you didn’t, I know.” His eyes shut, he turns and kisses your palm so sweetly. “I won’t have anyone else, it’s just you.”

“Satoru it’s insane to say it, when you…”

“I know. I know it is.” He pulls you down, to where you’re leaned over him, one leg over his chair, your hands gripping the arms of his seat. His hands slip over your waist, right over your scrubs. “I’ll do anything to make it right.”

“You think I don’t want to kiss you, fuck you? Suck you right here?” Satoru moans, hand pulling at your hair at the nape of your neck, little networks of goosebumps pricking up, your body reacting in every way, nipples pressed against your bra, desiring his touches.

“Think I don’t want you wrapped on this cock?” His seductive whisper has your hips shifting, a movement he notices avidly.

“You can have anyone, Satoru.”

“I only want you. I’ll have to show you. But will you let me try?” He asks, emotional now as the overwhelming feelings hit.

“I don’t want to be changed for you, I don’t want to give up who I am.” He sighs now, nodding, sad look on his beautiful face.

“I won’t change you. But sweetheart, you are changing me.”

“Bad or good, Satoru?” Your whisper damn near ends him, is it bad or good, this obsession with you? You’re good, but is he?

“I want it to be good. I don’t want to make you cry again, break you down, terrify you.”

You ease in his hold, a hold you never want to leave, but you try to think rationally, despite the overwhelming pull of him, despite the ache to press yourself fully against him, to let him take your pain away. “Then let’s… take time.”

He nods, brushing a thumb on your lower lip, just a little glossy from your chapstick, he can almost taste it, vanilla sugar. He’s caressing your face ever so softly. “I’m so goddamn sorry.”

“Thank you.” You kiss his cheek, before pulling yourself off him, sighing.

“Time, huh?” Any time without you in his arms makes him sick, but when you nod he kisses your forehead, so sweetly you want to fall against him, fall into him. “I’l give it, don’t even deserve this right now.”

“I still feel it all for you.” You say, before you pull away, making his heart race. “Don’t hurt yourself over this, please. It’s not… I still…”

“Don’t worry about me, sweets. I’m fine.” His sad smile doesn’t reassure you anymore than he’s pretending it to be true. “Now, go get ready to put him on the board, yeah?”

“Yes Dr. Gojo.” You give him another worried little smile, leaving Satoru to cover his face in his hands.

No amount of a benzodiazepine lessens the need for you.

Your back is against the door, breaths coming quickly, leaning your head back and just longing to be with the man inside, the broken man that has your heart. You know it will never heal without him, no it needed him to heal, you want to stand so firm but your heart and soul know you belong to him, even if for now, you both don’t know it’s true.

You put on a brave smile, and set about your day. You could do this, right? Be without him? You were fine your whole life before you even knew Satoru. Surely… but then why then every time you formally speak to him, do you wish your lips could crash on his?

The day is hectic, even more hectic than usual, you’re running on nothing again, and when you’re finally done, and you’re heading to your car, you can hardly hold your eyes open. Satoru’s next to you suddenly, hands on your shoulders, you yawn as he looks down at you, you’re so curious how he got here.

“You’re too tired to drive, intern.”

You look at him, squinting just a bit in the dark night, the wind softly blowing back your sweater and making his snowy hair sway. “Are you fucked up?”

He sighs, shaking his head. “Normal meds. I wouldn’t hurt you. Intentionally, aside from being an ass. I’ll take you home, Maki can bring you tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah, thank you Satoru.” Soon you’re driving in his car, his hand keeps wanting to rest on your thigh, but he stops himself. He’s running on nothing himself at this point, he’s exhausted, and all he can think of is what it’d be like to hold you against him tonight.

The longing for you, for any of you destroys him, the only sound is his car gently moving through the snow, the windshield wipers going as you keep stealing glances at him, so tired your eyes are heavy. All you can think of is holding him, falling into that bliss, god imagine, snuggling with him again, waking up with his kisses.

But you don’t know him, truly, and how will you, when you’re running from him? Even if it is the best thing for you, it doesn’t make it easier, not when you study his perfect profile in the night. Not when he glances your way for just a moment, that hand hovering right next to your thigh, like he’s fighting it too.

Soon you’re home, the heat of his car mixed with how tired you are makes it almost impossible to leave. Satoru leans over, unseatbelted you, and himself, a hand finally gently over your thigh. It burns through your warm, plush leggings, like a brand on your skin, his other hand brushing your hair back ever so softly, as he opens his mouth, then closes it.

It’s quiet in the car, your breaths and the low purr of the car filling the air, along with the wind outside and the gently falling flakes. “I will do everything I can to get you back, I won’t give up. I’m too fucking selfish.”

You smile, so sleepy, caressing his perfect face. “Satoru, you’re amazing, brilliant, great at so much, but you have to learn, you can’t just fix people, you have to accept them.”

“I didn’t mean to. I just…” He swallows, resting his head on yours, and you’re dying to kiss him, to feel his mouth take you over, he is your drug.

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not. What I did, it was not okay. I talked to Sugu a long time last night, blitzed the fuck out. What I did was horrible, you needed me to comfort you, and I made it all worse.”

“Yeah. You did.” He exhales, smirking just a bit.

“You’re brutally honest.”

“You like that, I think.” You lean your chin up, noses brushing, lips just that bit apart, killing you both.

“I love it, I love that you have your convictions, your emotions, I love so fucking much about you. I know I didn’t show that.”

“No, you didn’t. But… Thank you for that.” You pull back a bit, taking a breath. “I don’t trust myself around you, I’ll falter, I’ll give in. And Satoru I have to…”

“You have to be a priority.”

“That, I’ve never been.” Your phone starts going off again, you check it and frown, making Satoru curious, but he knows he shouldn’t pry. “Case in point, my other stupid ex.”

He glares at your phone, then looks up at you, softer, concern in his gaze, mixed with self loathing. “You have bad taste.”

“Satoru, not you. There’s so much good here.” You put a gentle brush of your lips on his now, easing back as his eyelids lower, as his grip slips higher. “I want to fall into this, into you. You’re my own Xanax.”

“I’m that good?” He smirks, and you laugh softly. “You still haven’t even asked, why I’m on it all.”

You bite your lip, shaking your head, enjoying the heat of his hard body against yours too much. “It’s not my place right now. I should go.”

“Yeah…” Please don’t go, please.

Something pauses you, and you hug him then, he hugs you back tightly, and you kiss him once more, exhaling against his lips. “Don’t give up on it.”

“I sure fucking won’t. I win at everything you know.” You snort at that, a smile brightening your beautiful face, making him melt for you.

“We’ll see about it. Take care, Satoru, please drive safely in this?”

“I will. You get some sleep.” He wishes he could come inside, in your warm, cozy home, and hold you, but he knows he can’t.

Yet.

Satoru won’t give up.

You wave at him before you get inside, the overwhelming, exhausting past week eating you alive, and you’re stumbling when Toge sees you. He walks up quickly, concern clear in his violet eyes, hands on your shoulders. “Okay?”

You break then, shaking your head and sniffling. “No, m’not, Toge.”

Toge holds you then, as you sob against him, and soon Maki and Yuuta are out there too, all rubbing your back, your hair, as you can’t stop crying. It’s too much, not being with him, the hurt he caused, the fears you have. The past days, losing that little baby, losing so many, losing your fucking mind.

“I’m so tired, you guys, of all of it.” You barely speak, barely hold it together, as they all gently speak.

“No, you got this baby, I swear. If it’s not Gojo. if he’s not the one for you, guess what? You’ll be okay, we’re here for you, either way.” Maki says softly, and you nod, sniffling now.

“You have to do what’s best for you, don’t feel guilty.” Yuuta says, and Toge’s giving you the saddest look of all.

“Hurting.” You nod quickly, hugging him again.

“Don’t you run from me, please.” You say softly, as he strokes your back. “I need you all.”

“Not running.” He assures you, with a sweet smile, and you feel so at home with them, but something’s missing.

Satoru is missing.

How has he become everything so quickly?

But soon Maki is getting you a glass of wine, and Toge has cookies for everyone, Yuuta is putting on your favorite movie. And as you’re cuddled with your best friends on your old couch, so comfy and worn in, it almost feels perfect. You’re blessed to have them, warm with the fire going, while the snow falls outside. But you can’t help but look out the window.

“I love him, fuck.” You whisper softly.

“We know.” Maki says, you snuggle back up to her, curling up and letting her rub your hair.

“I love you three so much. Don’t leave me, even if I’m a mess.”

“We’re not going anywhere. Shh, just relax.”

Sleep doesn’t hit for Satoru that night, not when he stares at your number over and over with your picture in his phone, not when he thinks of the date he had ready on that fairy boat for you, not when he thinks of you in his home. He stares at that damn piano, remembering kissing you on that bench.

But he was selfish, he was pushy, he ruined such a beautiful thing before it began.

Satoru knows now, he needs you, like he needs to breathe, and he knows by looking in your eyes, you feel it, though you’re now terrified. He was so afraid of pushing you away, that he did just that. As he sips down a whiskey and pops a seroquel, he hopes it will take him to sleep soon, blissful dreamless sleep where he won’t have to feel this pain.

Satoru looks out the window, watching the snowfall and wondering if you’re okay, before the sleeping meds take him out. But it doesn’t prevent those dreams, it only makes them more vivid, and he wakes up in the middle of the night, sweating, panicking. He calls you, knowing you won’t answer, but he hears it.

A sleepy ‘hmm?’

“I’m sorry. I am so sorry.”

“Shh. Satoru… s’okay… shhh…”

He lets tears fall as he sets the phone on speaker. “Will you… let me hear you breathe? So I can sleep?”

“Hmm, you’re weird Doc.” He snorts through his tears, and you sleepily wonder if this is a dream on your end. “But mkay.”

He soon hears your steady breathing, and he finally can sleep, mind whirling with ways he can earn you, while you listen to his little sigh, hand gripping the phone, picturing him in your mind’s eyes. “Night, beautiful.”

“Night S’toru.”

Two hearts are alone but still connected, as both wonder what the exhaustion of tomorrow would hold, and beyond the doubt, they hope.

I know this was an angsty/darker chapter, but it will get more lighthearted and will have a happy ending, but we gotta go through some rough stuff to get there (Satoru won't be a Hojo again dw lol)

Taglist: @lostfracturess @unfortunately-tia @allofffmypeaches @chiyokoemilia @makingtimemine @antisocialinlw @meg3mis @miizuzu @nanasukii28 @zoeyflower @wstaley2 @bunheadusa @blue-musingss @ameliariddle @moncher-ire @jkslaugh97 @shadeowz @gojo1228 @nanasukii28 @jaeminaur @httpstoyosi @angel1of-death @seeing-stars-alt @bol0-de-morang0 @jjknanamin @ghostskilledmyaddiction21 @trishiepo0 @inthedarkshadows000 @gina239 @san-it-is-i-guess @pelicanpizza @gojo1228 @ducky1232 @inthedarkshadows000 @eclecticmentalitypersona @burguhndy @levislug @addehehe @sluttyofgojo @msniks @xixflower @n1vi Perma tags: @alt--er--love @cuntphoric @loafteaw @indiewritesxoxo @harutahake @jinjen

#doctor satoru #jjk smut #jjk x reader #gojo smut #gojo x reader #jujustu kaisen #satoru x reader #doctor gojo #jjk gojo #satoru gojo x reader #gojo x you #gojo x y/n #gojo satoru x reader #satoru x you #satoru x y/n #jjk x y/n #jjk x you

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lightweaver-chosen-if · 2 days ago

Text

Happy New Year!

So, I definitely missed the deadline I set for myself, and I'm really sorry!

Here's what's been going on the past few months. Ever since I discovered zero drafting (circa November 2024) I've been experimenting with it. While I’ve added a solid 50k words, there was no way I was going to publish it as it was...

Unless you want to read:

mc do circular movements with arms, lightning efx… then WOOSH they hit a tree and it fucking explodes

I've spent a lot of time lately turning all that into actual sentences and paragraphs. The fact that I really doubled down on making most of the text dynamic also slowed things down. I know people probably only read these games once, but I can't help it!

Writing and coding is hard. I really admire authors who consistently drop huge updates so fast 😫

Right now, I'm still only 70%~ finished with the new content, but since it's been too long, I'll be splitting it.

But for those curious, here's a quick rundown of the new stuff written:

A mini training scene with your chosen RO, where you can learn a move to impress your mentor with (and where a tree fucking explodes).

A 7-day training arc with a strict temporary mentor in preparation for the assessment, ending with a sparring match.

Encounters with the ROs, where you’ll start to learn more about them (sprinkled throughout the story; before, during, and after training).

The omitted content for now is the 7-day training arc and the last RO encounters before the actual assessment. If everything goes well, I might update again this month!

This year, I'm feeling very determined to focus on the game and hopefully finish it (or get close enough). I'm also planning to open a Patreon for regular sneak peeks & dev updates, early access, and some bonus content (little pieces I wrote lately to unwind) for those interested. This is all very new to me, so I'm just testing the waters!

I'll be back on January 15 with the update. For real this time!

For now, here are some sneak peeks!

Thank you for being patient! <3

#lightweaver: chosen #if wip #interactive fiction #dashingdon #choice of games #hosted games #if #if update

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zepskies · 2 days ago

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Omg thank you so much, Liane!!! 🥹💓💓 Pls, you never have to apologize for sharing your thoughts on my writing -- however short or however long. I love it all!!

Still can't say much about Beau, since I still haven't gotten around to watching Big Sky yet (I definitely plan to, especially after your recommendation -- I just don't have Disney+ currently 🥹), except that his was the sexiest imo😮‍💨 Their dynamic is the most sensual.

Oh Beau comes in on the last episode of season 2. I've seen that through season 3, and Sheriff Beau Arlen is an absolute delight. 🥰 But omg I find it so interesting that you actually liked his part the most. I definitely had fun with his part -- and that line in particular. 😏❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

Now, for Dean, you always capture his character so perfectly, Alex. ❤️❤️ You hit the nail on the head again! Especially with how he articulates via facial expressions. Those eyebrow wiggles are 100% Dean. I can picture his stupid, pretty grin so vividly and it fits so well here. He's so silly and playful with the reader, it's so cute!!! Feels so domestic and comfy.

That compliment means so much to me, thank you! 🥹🥹 To me, when Dean's comfortable and happy, he's all jokey and grinning and eyebrow waggly loll. That "stupid, pretty grin" right? 😂

Even in non-spicy scenarios, I know for a fact he'd love to rest his head on her thighs, her tummy, her chest, her butt -- she's his favorite pillow fr.

Omg yessss I absolutely love this!! I need to incorporate that thought in the Midnight Espresso-verse for sure. 💗

Also, side note, but a favorite headcanon of mine is Dean having gained a little bit of weight in the later seasons himself. He's not in his early to mid twenties anymore, bodies change, his love for greasy food doesn't. And he absolutely deserves the joy of that pizza followed by three slices of pie (as well as having a partner that matches his appetite, someone after his own heart). Dean with a soft tummy owns my heart and soul.

Oooh you know what, this is so realistic and I've seen writers incorporate this into their AU post-season 15 "fix it" stories especially. I totally agree with that now that you put that idea in my head. 💞

And Ben... Of course he jumps to the wrong conclusion at first. Like, yes, he's obviously self centered, but also: I love that somehow it didn't even occur to him that maybe she's feeling uncomfortable/insecure. As if, well, she's hot to him, so she's hot, end of the story -- that sounds about right. 😭😂 You nailed it, again.

Ahaha YEP, that's pretty much it. And if she doesn't think so? Well, he's got ways of showing her otherwise. 😏

Btw, before I read Ben's part, I literally thought "well, more for him to grab and manhandle, he's gotta put that superhero strength to use somehow" haha! Pretty sure we can all agree that he thinks modern beauty standards are ridiculous.

LOLL that's exactly where my thought process was too! Women of the 40s-50s were actually allowed to have a fuller figure. 💞

Fantastic job on all three of these. Such a nice request and a great exploration of this topic. <3

Thank you again so much. 😭😭 This is why I hang on to requests like this that I know have the power to potentially touch other people the way it struck me. 💗💗

Headcanon: Body Insecurity/Appreciation

Pairings: Dean Winchester x Reader, Beau Arlen x Reader, Soldier Boy/Ben x Reader

AN: This one was requested by one of my lovely Patreon members, @roseblue373. 💜 It's a special one to me personally, being plus-sized myself and having gone through my share of insecurities. Wish I had one of these guys to make it better lol!~

Prompt/Request: Great job with the latest Dean/Beau/Ben reacts vignettes! I'd love to see one where reader has put on weight and isn't happy with their body, and how each would make her feel better!! IF the muse agrees, of course! ❤️

HC: How Dean Winchester, Beau Arlen and Soldier Boy (Ben) would react to your body insecurity.

Tags/Warnings: 18+ only! Established relationship, body insecurity (but also body appreciation), thicc thirty, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, spiciness/smuttishness.

Dean Winchester

You've started breezing past mirrors when you get out of the shower.

Because if you catch sight of your own reflection, you can't help but utter a sigh, your lips dipping into a frown.

In the privacy of the room you share with Dean in the bunker, you take a risk in unwrapping the towel from your body in front of the mirror.

You inspect yourself with growing dejection, noting all the places that are rounder, heavier, less firm than they used to be.

Looks like no amount of running down leads and killing monsters has been enough to keep you in shape.

Too much shitty fast food, too many times you indulged yourself with snacks and dessert alongside your foodie boyfriend.

"What'cha doin', sweetheart?" Dean asks. He steps into the room while wiping donut icing from the corner of his mouth.

Speak of the devil.

When Dean finally catches you frowning at yourself in the mirror, you inhale sharply and close the towel back up.

"Nothing. Just need to get dressed," you reply quickly. "Shower's open."

You try to offer him a smile, despite the pang of jealousy when you eye him.

He gave you the first chance at the shower after the latest case wrapped up, so he's still wearing most of his FBI suit, sans jacket. The white dress shirt is rolled up to his elbows, a few days of scruff neatly trimmed across his cheeks.

The man can cram an entire pizza down his gullet and wash it down with three slices of apple pie, not to mention countless beers. And still, Dean stays looking downright edible.

By comparison, you feel...fat. Like you've let yourself go.

You turn away from him to grab your well-worn sweatpants and an oversized shirt; you plan to change alone in the bathroom, but Dean grabs your arm.

"Who says you need to get dressed?" he says, popping his brows with a suggestive grin. He slips his arms around your waist, but your instinct is to shy away from his hold. You chuckle awkwardly and avoid his now curious gaze.

"Sorry, babe. Um...I'm wiped. I just want to get to bed," you say.

But Dean isn't fooled. His spidey sense is tingling, and his gut is almost never wrong.

His hand slides down your arm and grasps your hand, tugging you back into his arms. You utter a little gasp, but you ultimately smile at his familiar grin. There's a perceptive gleam in his eyes though.

"You know, seems like you've been pretty wiped lately," he says, raising a brow. "It's been a while since we, uh..."

He waggles his brows playfully, squeezing your hips. You want to smile, but you can't let yourself. You can't quite look at him either.

For Dean, it's another glaring red flag. His lips form a frown, and he dips his chin to find your eyes.

"Hey," he says. "What's goin' on? Talk to me."

His tone is so sincere, you have to blink against the sting of tears. Your lower lip wobbles, and Dean frowns in earnest. He presses a hand to your cheek and gets you to look at him with your watery eyes.

"Sweetheart, you gotta tell me what's wrong," he says, more gently, but serious.

Eventually, you're able to get it out. You can't bear the thought of him touching you, because lately, you can't even bear looking at yourself.

"I know I've been gaining weight, I just..." your voice breaks, and you gesture haphazardly at your body. "I'd get it if you're not really into this right now."

Dean's heart clenches. He's downright shocked at your confession, and more than a little disheartened. He presses a hand to your cheek and guides you to look at him.

"All right, hold up just one damn minute."

His calloused fingers gently brush away your tears, but his hands keep moving, slowly traveling down your body. They slide down your bare arms, skimming the sides of your breasts.

Your breath hitches. Your hand is still fisted over your beating heart, keeping your towel closed. His hands continue to move, molding to the curve of your waist over the fuzzy fabric.

"I'll admit, we've been pretty busy lately with everything we've got going on. But if you think that means I'm ever not into this delectable, sexy, voluptuous, goddess body you got rockin' the house?" he says, grinning that utterly Dean grin of his.

You bite your lip against a bubble of laughter. He's too fucking much sometimes.

Dean tugs you closer, until your hips fit snugly against his through his slacks. His tall, broad frame crowds you. His lips skim your cheek, then over your lips in a tease.

He squeezes the flesh of your hips, tender and sensuous.

Your heart flutters at the feeling.

"Mmm, I like you nice and soft," he murmurs against your cheek, close to your ear. "Feels that much better when I fuck you."

A small gasp gets trapped in your throat, while the gravel depths in his voice go straight to your pussy in a pulsing throb of warmth.

By the time he claims your lips in a devouring kiss, you're all too willing to let him peel your towel open, drop it to the floor, and guide you backwards onto the bed.

There he'll take his time, forging yet another mental map of every plush square inch of you.

Beau Arlen

Beau is a busy man. You understand that.

As Sheriff, his job demands a lot from him. He's also a father and has an ex-wife to contend with. (You knew that going in, and you've come to love Emily too.)

However, you can't help but start to take it personally when your sex life begins to suffer. He's often claimed being tired...but there's another suspicion that's been taking root in your mind, feeding your doubts and insecurities about how your boyfriend sees you, and about how you see yourself.

When you slip into bed at night, a kiss goodnight is all he gives you lately, before he's sighing deeply and closing his eyes, his soft snores soon filling the room.

One night, you try touching his shoulder, leaning in to kiss his bearded cheek. He hums at the pleasant feeling.

"You wanna...?" You trail the question in his ear, pressing more sweet kisses down his neck.

"Aw, sweetheart," he groans. "I'd like to, but I think I'd just smother you. I'm about to pass out."

You huff a laugh. You teasingly walk two fingers across his chest. "What if I make it easy for you?"

You shift onto your side. Resting a hand on his chest, you lean down to kiss him. He hums at the softness of it, but the more passion you try to imbue into each new kiss, Beau isn't as responsive as you would like. Eventually, you stop all together.

You frown, becoming disheartened. "You're not into this, I guess."

He opens his tired eyes, gazes up at you in apology. He opens his mouth to reply, but you beat him to it.

"You know it's been a month since we've had sex," you say.

Beau frowns, sliding a hand up your back. Only now does he notice, with appreciation, the familiar silky négligée you're wearing.

"Nah, that doesn't sound right," he says.

"Well, it is," you say. "I know you say you're tired, but I mean, you've had this job for as long as I've known you, Beau." Your eyes fall away from him. "So is the job, or...is it me?"

Beau's brows furrow. "Now wait a minute."

The mere thought dredges up what's been plaguing your mind recently, and it has your throat tightening. Tears of embarrassment and upset well up in your eyes, no matter how much you try to push it down.

You push away from him and turn away, crossing your arms. You try not to look at yourself in what used to be your favorite lingerie.

You can't stand the extra weight you've put on, mostly in your hips and ass, but in your middle and arms too.

You've gone through your own stress at work this year, with less and less time to try and take care of yourself, along with making sure Emily gets to and from school, cooking for the three of you, going to PTA meetings when Carla can't make it (since Beau often can't), and every other proverbial hat you wear.

Beau follows you, sitting up and laying a hand on your back. "Sweetheart--"

"I know I've put on a few. Hell, more than a few," you admit, hastily wiping under your eyes. "God, I can't even look at myself right now, let alone have you--"

"Hey. You stop right there," Beau says, more firmly. He gets you to turn around with his hand on your shoulder. He doesn't like the way you're curled in on yourself, as if hiding your body from his gaze.

That, and the sight of your tears damn well break his heart.

He cups the side of your face gently and presses a tender kiss to your forehead, followed closely by your lips.

You don't want to melt, but you just can't help it. You cling to the front of his shirt and lean into his kiss, like you've been lost in the desert, and his lips hold the breath of life.

You almost don't realize it when his arms slip around your waist. He earns a surprised yelp from you when he gathers you close against his chest and rolls you underneath him.

You land against the pillows in a huff. You stare up at his playful smile, his green eyes glinting with amusement, with fondness, and also with desire as they roam over your breasts, barely contained by dark green satin and lace.

"I've been neglecting you, haven't I?" he says. His voice is a low, earthy drawl as his gaze rakes over you. His big hand runs down your side and over your hip, then down your bare thigh, squeezing soft, tender flesh. He slips that hand under the satin night gown.

His hand can't span your entire thigh, but it's not for lack of trying. Your heart beats a staccato rhythm at the way he looks at you, your breath hitching when his thumb dips between your legs, brushing against the damp, silky fabric of your panties.

"It's not because I don't find you sexy as hell. Believe me, darlin', I do," he says. "You're so fuckin' beautiful, especially when you're all laid out for me here."

And he means what he says. You know it by the hardness you feel pressing against your hip. You slip your fingers into his hair with a sigh.

He bows his head to press kisses along your neck; down and down, he noses at the thin strap of your night gown. His path of kisses continue, and he indulges himself by dipping his tongue between the valley of your breasts.

"Filling out this lacy little thing so nice," he murmurs into your skin.

Your upset has turned to abject relief, but you still have to blink away the remaining urge to cry.

You let out a slightly tremulous breath.

"Oh, yeah?" you ask.

Beau pauses. He pulls away, just so he can look up and meet your eyes. He still finds insecurity in yours, so he meets you with a kiss filled with heat and intent.

He's now wide awake. He plans to take his sweet time taking you apart, inch by inch.

In fact, in the back of his mind, he also plans to do better about letting his deputies help him out more at the precint so he can have a better work-life balance.

(Because going a whole damn month without the taste of you is "no bueno," in his words.)

Soldier Boy (Ben)

The man may not be very patient, or particularly perceptive, but he's not an idiot.

At least, not about sex.

He knows that you've been feigning tiredness, and generally avoiding his touch.

What's strange is that you haven't been avoiding him. You still cook for him, still share conversation with him, still insist on having him spoon you on the couch while catching him up on the past four decades of TV shows and movies.

But when he begins to sneak a hand under your oversized shirt (an old one of Ben's), caressing your hip, then dipping down to your softer stomach on the way to your panties, breaking your concentration from the movie as unease laces down your spine.

You grab his wrist on reflex, instead lacing your fingers together.

"What's the matter now?" he asks.

You look over your shoulder at him and find him frowning at you, a divot between his brows. You don't manage to hold his gaze for long.

"Sorry," you say quietly. "I'm just, um, tired."

Ben doesn't believe you, and he's direct when he calls you out on it.

Reluctant to put what you've been feeling into words, you pause the movie and leave the couch (and him) behind.

Ben is annoyed enough to follow you (and underneath, he hides an edge of concern). The conflict leads into the bedroom, where you're still unwilling to open up.

He finally stops you from walking away from him, pinning you against the dresser by your hips. He practically looms over you as he demands an answer. He knows you're hiding something — something that's had you reluctant to let him touch you.

"Is there something you wanna tell me?" he says, a raw edge of warning in his tone. "What, are you fucking somebody else?"

Shock flashes in your eyes, making you angry. "What? No!"

"Well, you seem to be getting your fill somewhere, and it hasn't been from me--"

"Are you fucking serious? I'm not..." Your lips purse. You're actually hurt that he would hurl that accusation your way--and it couldn't be farther from the truth.

You tug your long shirt downwards and cross your arms, but it's more like you're hugging yourself, shielding your body away.

Ben's brows furrow a little bit more.

Eventually you get it out; you haven't been feeling up to being intimate because you're having a hard time even looking at yourself lately.

"I know I need to, um, get back in shape," you say, taking in a shaky breath to try and steady yourself. Your throat constricts, the beginnings of tears stinging your eyes. You want to look at anywhere but at Ben. "I just haven't had much time, with everything going on. But Annie gave me this guide on some different diets, like intermittent fasting, Keto--"

"Fasting," Ben intones. "What, you wanna fucking starve yourself? What the fuck is Keto?"

You sigh, barely resisting the urge to roll your eyes.

"No, not starve myself. And Keto's just..." The idea of trying to explain the new diet craze to your boyfriend is too daunting a task to consider. "Never mind. The point is, I have a plan. My hips, my thighs, my ass--"

Ben squeezes your hips at the mention of them. He happens to like the softness.

"Yeah, you've got a little extra. So fucking what?" he says, his voice deep and exacting as his gaze roams over your body. "Just gives me more to hold onto when I'm fucking you."

You utter a shocked laugh. "Ben!"

He grins lazily, and he turns you this way and that, admiring you from all angles. In his eyes, he doesn't find a side he doesn't like. You can't help but blush hotly under his gaze.

"Sweetheart, do whatever you want if it makes you feel good. But you don't need to starve yourself." His hands move to your ass, squeezing a bit harder on the plush flesh.

A yelp escapes you; he's pressing into you from the front as well, and you feel him heavy and already half-hard against you. You grab onto his arms for stability as your breaths quicken.

His attitude kind of surprises you, even though it soothes the frayed, insecure part of your soul that wants to be as beautiful and attractive in his eyes as he is in yours.

Ben is literally a super soldier. You're actually kind of jealous. The man can drug and booze hard and eat whatever the hell he wants, but his super metabolism just seems to absorb it into his washboard abs.

(The more you think about it, the more you want to smack him.)

Nothing about him isn't hard and lean, muscle and strength.

Only his hands have a measure of gentleless when they're holding you like this.

"I've just got so many stretch marks now," you begin to complain, in an emotional whisper.

He snorts. "And? You think it's anything I haven't seen? I'm not afraid of a little cellulite either."

At that, your head tilts in consideration. Butcher's Granny Fucker remark comes to mind. You bite your lip against a smirk.

Ben crooks a curled finger under your chin. He guides you to meet his eyes, before he lures you into a lusty kiss.

It's somewhat rough because of his beard, but you still smile afterwards, leaning against him now.

"Ain't nothing about you that I can't handle," he adds, all smirking and cocky. To prove his point, he hooks those strong hands behind your thighs and lifts you onto the dresser.

You gasp and cling to his shoulders. From there, he makes quick work of ridding the oversized shirt from your body, revealing you to the cool air and his hot gaze.

You take his face in your hands and bring him in for an even steamier kiss, your heart lighter and trembling with anticipation.

You've held yourself from him long enough, Ben thinks, and he has every intention of devouring you right on your old dresser -- before you two even get to the bed.

AN: 😮‍💨 I feel like each of these could've been even longer with their own one-shot loll. I wrote the Midnight Espresso-verse for Dean, partially to explore what his relationship would be like with a plus-sized reader. 💖💖

Let me know which one you liked most this time!

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#lovely review!! 😍#reader appreciation #lovely mutuals #headcanon: body insecurity and appreciation

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