#also sorry if this isn't the most thorough answer

[ckret2]

Sorry if this is a duplicate - my internet was glitching when I sent the first ask so I’m not 100% sure whether it went through Anyways, I was just wondering, are psychics constantly seeing through everything all the time or can they choose to bring their ‘inner eye’ down to the level of the world? Also, what was the historical view of psychics/were there any particularly notable psychics?

I got the first one! You may have noticed that I've been answering a lot of questions the last few days. There's a whole lot of questions I got that I couldn't answer.

General PSA to everybody, since I've been getting a lot of asks lately: writing a question takes a lot less time than writing an answer; so it doesn't a lot of effort for a small number of anons to send me a deluge, but for me to give them all thorough answers would take up my entire day and prevent me from doing any actual writing. Or eating.

So if you see me answering a lot of questions, send in an ask, and it isn't immediately answered, it probably wasn't answered BECAUSE I'm answering a lot of questions. It means I have a lot of questions.

Since you sent this one twice I'll give it a non-thorough answer, and if I can ever dig far enough back in my inbox to reach the original one maybe I'll give it a thorough answer:

In his home dimension, Bill was unable to turn "off" his inner eye—no more than, say, you could turn "off" your color vision. His default and permanent view of the world around him is from slightly "up" so that he's always seeing the plane of the world around him, and it took a while for it to dawn on him that the way the world's depicted in photos or on TV (a flat line) is actually how it looks to everyone else.

For most of history they were common enough that people in their community knew they existed but it took a long time to empirically prove that there really are people that see through things. Even in Bill's time they were still rare enough that some people could go "pfff that's not real." Imagine how (alleged) psychics have been treated in human history and there you go.

I shall not be inventing a bunch of historical shapes today.

[burningvelvet]

Hi! I was enchanted by your description of Byronic-ness, and really impressed with the wealth of knowledge you bring to bear on the topic. I'm re-listening to The Portrait of Dorian Gray, and I was wondering if Dorian would be Broadly Byronic, or Byronic-Orthodox? Conversely, how would Lord Henry stack up?

(for context, the post this ask is referring to, where I discuss my theory on the Byronic Hero, is here: https://www.tumblr.com/burningvelvet/733557464082120704/some-thoughts-on-the-topic-of-byronism-byronic)

Thank you for the ask and sorry for the late reply. I wish I could give a more thorough answer, and although I've read Dorian at least three times, I haven't since my study of Byronism. Now I would like to read it again just to scan it for Byronic themes - but at the moment I can't justify spending time on a venture like this. But I could write essays about this topic, as many other people have.

In short, I believe Dorian would be more Broadly Byronic and Henry is also probably Broadly Byronic, but that Henry is much, much closer to being Orthodox Byronic if we see it as more of a spectrum than a binary, which would really be best, although I didn't really take that approach in my original post. Very few characters could be classified as Orthodox Byronic, so a spectrum really is most necessary.

In my original post, I included some quotes from top Byron scholar Peter Cochran writing about the Byronic Hero concept in his essay "Byron's 'Turkish Tales': An Introduction."

Cochran contrasts the Byronic Hero with the Shakespearean Tragic Hero by saying that the latter can be something of a witty conversationalist, whereas the former never is, being too dead inside (my words, not his). Henry is certainly a cunning conversationalist, and is actually a lot like Iago from Othello — a character who, ironically, Lord Byron loved so much that he put on a production of the play just so he could play him (as an aside, because I love this story: Mary Shelley played Desdemona and Percy directed, but one of Byron's mistresses forced the rehearsals to stop, supposedly because she was jealous of one of the actresses and felt left out because she couldn't speak English).

Anyway. Cochran also says that the prototypical Byronic Hero (what in my post I originally called the "Byronist's Byronic," but prefer to call "Orthodox Byronic" for clarity) never succeeds romantically, which is true. I don't know if this fully applies to Dorian or Henry. The former has several love affairs which aren't really genuine but which he does derive a sort of decadent satisfaction from. Dorian "wins over" Sybil Vane. Henry is married, and though not in love with his wife, he doesn't despise her like Heathcliff does his wife. Heathcliff is widely considered the greatest overall Byronic Hero, as he meets most of the criteria for both Orthodox Byronic and Broadly Byronic.

Cochran also says:

"The Byronic hero is a human dead-end."

Which does describe both Henry and Dorian. But in being companions, neither of them have the solitary nature which the Byronic necessitates, although they both come close (especially Dorian in the end) by being outsiders. And they are both hedonists, which isn't really Byronic, though people consider it as such, probably because of the cultural & literary confusion (as I explained in my original post) between the writings of Byron the Writer and the life of Byron the Man.

The Orthodox Byronic Hero, like Heathcliff, is mostly antisocial with few exceptions and basically has anhedonia the majority of the time. Dorian and Henry are a little anhedonic, especially Dorian in his infamously increasing pursuit of pleasure, but the Orthodox Byronic Hero is really too depressed to get it up for prostitutes or to go to an Opium den, and would never be caught dead at the kinds of dinner parties Dorian and Henry frequent.

But again, my overall opinion is that whild both of them have strong Byronic elements, they are more Broadly Byronic than Orthodox Byronic, which is a more rare character type.

[radfemfox5]

What do u think about the arguments of the brains on transgender people? I have seen that the standard response is "brain sex is not a thing". But I have seen that there is a great discussion between scientists about this and there are proofs that brains between men and women are different in some little ways. I also see this through autism lens, because I'm autistic and females are underdiagnosed and there is a discussion about it too: socialization or brain differences that make more easy the masking and faking neurotypical behaviour.

But of course, even if the brain argument is correct, I don't see how transition is the logical next step to take then. Like, is ur brain, u can take therapy and be gender nonconforming if that's the case anyway. Brain can be trained due to neuroplasticity and kids with gender dysphoria can be treated in a way to become more comfortable in their bodies.

Sorry for my poor english, I'm chilean.

Hi, thank you for your question. Don't worry, English isn't my first language either.

So, this is hard to answer. The short answer is that no, brain sex isn't real. If brain sex is not real, then trans-identified males cannot be born with a "female brain." I feel like this has been retired as an argument for transgenderism, as it's not only a nebulous concept but also goes against the concept that you can identify as anything you want (ie: no biological component to gender).

The long answer is that it's complicated. We don't know enough about the brain to fully understand which part does what, let alone what minute differences there may or may not be between the functioning of a male and a female brain. It's been proven that men and women use different parts of the brain to process the same information, so while there are no structural differences, there could be functional differences that we simply don't know about yet.

@woman-for-women has an excellent post about brain sex here (archive), and I'll use the sources she links as references for my next points. Go check out her posts, seriously, she's incredibly thorough and condenses difficult subjects into easy-to-digest infographics.

I'll first go over brain sex, why it's not real / not proven, and consequently why a male having a "female brain" is impossible. This turned out to be very long, so more under the cut.

In my opinion: the myth that males and females behave differently because of innate differences in brain structure comes from 2 things:

Logic / Common sense. If you present a man with a stressful situation, he will not react the same way a woman would. In our everyday lives, it's easy to assume that men and women are simply wired differently, since we have unique behaviours and thought patterns. Contrary to popular belief, most of this doesn't stem from innate biological differences, but rather from gendered socialization. It's hard for us to gauge what portion of our gendered differences is nature (innate) and which portion is nurture (socialization).

Anecdotal evidence and misconceptions about brain function. In the 18th century, it was discovered that a woman's brain weighs on average 5 oz lighter than a man's. This would lead the general public to assume that, since a woman's brain is smaller, this has an impact on her overall intelligence, which is not true.

Assumptions are often made in the general public and even in neuroscience when it comes to which part of the brain does what based on preexisting notions of what a man is and what a woman is. The study I just showed, for instance, was misconstrued in order to strengthen sex-based stereotypes.

What a surprise, my personal interpretation of my results just coincidentally happened to match gendered stereotypes that I was taught. How bizarre.

In all seriousness, this study and its methods have been ripped to shreds by people much smarter than I.

"As Gina Rippon, author of The Gendered Brain and outspoken critic of neurosexism shows, the hunt for proof of women’s inferiority has more recently elided into the hunt for proof of male–female ‘complementarity’. So, this line goes, women are not really less intelligent than men, just ‘different’ in a way that happens to coincide with biblical teachings and the status quo of gender roles. Thus, women’s brains are said to be wired for empathy and intuition, whereas male brains are supposed to be optimized for reason and action."

In reality, according to more recent studies with bigger sample sizes, men and women don't have significant differences in brain structure to conclusively say that brains are sexually dimorphic.

If you're a more visual person, here are the graphs from the first study, showing overall brain matter volumes and volumes for specific brain structures. The second study's visualizations are less easy to understand, as they're brain scans and brain tissue images.

These graphs are called bell curves, and they're used to demonstrate a distribution. Basically, the peak of the "bell" shape means that this is the most common value for a certain demographic, while the extremities are outliers or rarer values.

As you can see, "considerable distributional overlap" means that these bell curves are nearly identical in most brain structures. However, white matter, grey matter and total brain volume are different in men and women, with women in this study typically having lower numbers. This doesn't affect overall intelligence, as we saw earlier, or affect the overall proportional volumes of different brain structures. This is just a result of women having smaller skulls on average.

So, if there is so much overlap between the sexes, then why can't a male have a female brain? The graphs do have overlapping sections, don't they?

The thing is, brain structure is nearly identical in both sexes. Therefore, there is no typically "female" or "male" brain, but rather "unique mosaics of features" which aren't uniquely male or female.

A good analogy that woman-for-women gives is this: if a man's height is closer to an average woman's height, does that mean this man is now a woman? No, he is a short male. Being in the overlap of this graph doesn't mean that you aren't a part of your own bell curve.

This is a complex topic that was very interesting to look into. If you have more questions about this, feel free to send another ask or look into the sources:

Sex beyond the genitalia: The human brain mosaic (archive)

The human hippocampus is not sexually-dimorphic: Meta-analysis of structural MRI volumes (archive)

Sex Differences in the Adult Human Brain: Evidence from 5216 UK Biobank Participants (archive)

Delusions of gender: How our minds, society, and neurosexism create difference. (archive)

[softcitrus2345]

Hey three questions?

Are requests open besides commissions?

Do you have any female ocs?

Will requests solely be for your ocs?

Three answers!

1. Unfortunately no, I don't have requests open. I can't afford to do art for others for free, and now that I just got my first job I'm gonna be a lot busier than I used to be, so finding the time/motivation to draw is gonna be harder for me to navigate

Also I feel like it defeats the purpose of me having commissions open while also making art catered for others for free, I gotta make money somewhere yknow

And from what I've seen in this community a lot of the requests artists get are for one-off prompts or characters, which just isn't my cup of tea. I can't get invested in a character or a drawing that is just like a one-time thing, if that makes sense?

I don't want that to snowball with me getting flooded with requests from people for random prompts they wanna see drawn out

I hope that makes sense, and please don't see this as me being upset at the question, I just like to be thorough with my answers and explain why /gen

2. I do! Unfortunately not a whole lot that I draw, my main female oc is Vanessa, and I just love her to bits. Her and Damien are stuck like glue so most of my drawings of her also include her lovely hubby~

If you're wondering about me drawing female weight gain, I'm just not really into that, for a number of reasons, but the main one being my feelings towards the female weight gain community, and how it treats women mostly just as an object for pleasure. As an afab person, it just makes me really uncomfortable how I see women portrayed in the feedism community, since from what I can tell most of the people that create/seek out that kind of content are cishet men just looking to get off.

I know that's not the entire female wg community but it's unfortunately the majority of what I've encountered, and it's just turned me off from the subject completely. There are *very* few times I'll see female weight gain portrayed in a way I can appreciate, and those few are like little gold nuggets that I gotta find by sifting through all the shitty stuff, it's just not worth it for me

It just feels dehumanizing, idk

As a fat person who has always been fat, and who is (unfortunately) still perceived by the general public as female, I've seen first hand the way society treats people like me, the backhanded comments and fatshaming and diet culture, and the horrible things I've been called before.. I see it all too often in the female feedism community, it's just a big no no for me overall

Sorry, I kinda went off on a tangent there, hope I didn't derail this post too much-

3. If I were to ever open up requests, I would say yes, they would only involve my ocs. I use this blog sort of as a public sandbox, where I can just kinda play around with my ocs and share my art with you all. I want the focus to be on my ocs and my own original content, with the exception of my friends and mutuals ocs which I do enjoy drawing from time to time

TLDR, yes, if I hypothetically opened requests they would only be for my ocs, just to keep my blog clear of clutter and random prompts I'm not interested in. I don't want to add another layer of stress to my life with requests and stuff that I can't keep up with

Maybe someday TTwTT

But yeah! Thank you for your questions, anon, it's always nice to have a prompt like this so I can share my thoughts, however messy they may be TTwTT

[trans-axolotl]

hi, I really like your blog and your antipsych thoughts have been very helpful to me. i hope this is ok to ask for advice (sorry i have brain fog and this question is vague)? i think i'm looking for 'unconventional' advice or suggestions, the kind that someone in the psych system would not necessarily recommend to me.

i have had a bad history with therapy, but i very much need some kind of mental support that i am not getting otherwise in my life (issues like CPTSD, DID, among other things). im in a position where i /can/ go to therapy, and i've been with a therapist that specializes in the things that are causing me the most problems for a year and theyre fine (i.e. has not ever helped me figure out anything about how to improve my life but has been someone who can perscribe me stuff, and hasn't done anything actively harmful to me like other therapists and psychiatrists have), but going is so upsetting for some reason (maybe because the therapy environment has been so bad in the past?) and not at all helpful. it's useful for me to have a relationship to a psychiatrist/therapist for medication and other 'navigating the system' reasons, but it's absolutely unhelpful. i am very frustrated and disillusioned with the whole concept of 'therapy' in general (maybe due to my history)!! but i don't know how else to get help!

it's harder because of the brain fog. i also feel very isolated partially because i'm in a not great environment, and partially because i have multiple mental illnesses in addition to not being a very nice person. i have felt really let down by supposed friends i've come to for help who just said therapy speak stuff like 'you should get help....' and 'sorry i don't have the emotional bandwidth to help <3' and stuff like that. it really makes me feel like i'm too messed up to be able to ask for help from regular people and i have to go to the psych industry but of course i've already been failed by them too :(

hey anon!

I think what you've said makes so much sense. I feel like we're so often told "go get help" but when we do try to seek support, it isn't as simple as just going and easily finding a therapist who is able to provide all the support and care we need. It can be so hard to find and pay for therapy in the first place, harder still to find someone who specializes in a therapy style to meet our needs, and sometimes we might not just be in a place in our life where we are in an environment that allows us to do in depth therapy work. And I just want to say that it isn't your fault if therapy isn't meeting your needs right now--that doesn't mean that you're failing at therapy. You absolutely aren't alone in feeling dissatisfied with therapy and wanting other options.

For me, what's helped when I've been considering making changes about how I approach my mental health has first been sitting down and really taking a thorough look at what things are working and what things aren't working. It seems like you've done a lot of that already--you know that it's helpful to have a therapeutic relationship to get meds and for help in the system, you know that the therapy environment hasn't been particuarly helpful for other types of healing work, and it seems like another thing you're thinking about is how to get mental support from your friends and other people in your everyday life. I think those are really good starting places to consider where you want to go from here. It might be helpful to make a list of what feels like priorities to focus on right now--do you want to develop more skills for navigating crisis? Do you want to focus on changing your relationship with dissociation? harm reduction for self destructive behaviors? building resilience and cultivating relationships in your life? There's no right or wrong answers here--you're going to be the expert on what feels most important right now.

I also just want to say that I think it's really shitty when we're made to feel like we're too crazy or too needy or too messed up to be able to be cared for and supported in our community. I've definitely had people tell me that, and it really hurts and makes me feel hopeless, like I'm always going to be struggling and that there's no chance that I'll be able to get better. But fuck that. We deserve to have meaningful connections in our community, access to resources that help us, and to be able to build resilient relationships where getting emotional support isn't considered an unmanageable burden, even if we're mad/mentally ill/ neurodivergent. I'm sorry that you haven't been able to rely on your friends and community that way, although I know it's hard when everyone we know is struggling and people don't have the energy or skills or knowledge to be able to help each other.

This is getting long, so I'm just going to list off a ton of random tips and suggestions, and I hope some of them might resonate with you.

Join a peer support group aligned with antipsych values. Hearing Voices Network, Alternatives to Suicide with the Wildflower alliance, Multiplied by One, FEDUP trans/intersex eating disorder support groups are all great options.

harm reduction! this can be especially applicable for self-destructive behaviors, but just in general moving outside of an "abstinence-only model." working to understand your actions on a spectrum of totally chaotic, unmanaged behaviors to more managed, intentional relationships with those behaviors. embracing any positive change as an important step instead of self-blame and all-or-nothing thinking.

Trying to think of the best way to describe what I'm thinking here, so I might not have the best phrasing. But basically, spending time separating your ideas for what wellbeing and quality of life look like for you from the psychiatric system's ideas of what a "normal," "healthly," quality of life looks like. For me, this looked like realizing that I wasn't actually interested in getting rid of all my hallucinations, but instead I just wanted to lessen the distress I experienced and find a way to hallucinate without panicking. So I guess just in general--really exploring what is actually important to you for your wellbeing and not limiting yourself to mainstream definitions of "recovery."

Unconventional coping skills, or coping skills that traditional psychiatry deems "risky." I've talked with some people who things like getting tattoos and piercings are actually incredibly healing for them, and are an important part of their "therapeutic" journey. Not going to go into detail or promote other "risky" coping skills on Tumblr lmao, but more just say that it's okay if there's things that therapists view as risky that you might have another perspective on how it fits into your personal healing.

Building up your and your loved ones capacity for community care. This can be a really hard one, because I know it always frustrated me when I would see people talking online about how great things like care webs or the power of peer support when I just didn't have any of that in my physical everyday life. So I'm not just going to put this here like it's a magical solution or something that's easy to accomplish. It's something that can take a ton of work and we're allowed to be frustrated about that. I think one strategy that helped me with this was spending a lot of time building my own understanding of my own capacity to help, my own needs, and what ways I would like to be cared for. That helped me start small, just by having conversations with my loved ones when I wasn't in crisis and saying "Hey, this is how I would like things to go when I'm in crisis. This is something that helps me when I'm hallucinating. This is a way you could let me know that you can't support me tonight but still leaves room for us to have connection. This is how I can help you. Let's talk openly together and develop and practice how we want to care for each other." Starting with just one person and one conversation really went a long way for me in terms of eventually building up an actual support network and for me was super instrumental in healing work.

Setting out an hour a week that's my "self therapizing time." just using one hour a week to look up new resources, try out new skills, journal, do self-inquiry, participate in activism, do something that brings me joy, read something new about mental health, literally anything that feels intentional in that hour. trying out a lot of new things and quitting a lot of new things!

Incorporating your physical needs. I'm sure we've heard a million times things like "get sleep, nourish yourself, go outside," and all that is great but often feels fucking impossible when we're mentally doing not great. but I guess just saying it can be good to be aware of how our physical body impacts our mental health in other ways. things like trying to get our sensory needs met, embracing movement that feels good + making space for rest, embracing things that bring our physical body pleasure whether that's tasty food, sex or other kinds of physical intimacy with other people, if it's using substances in a way that feels helpful or joyful or fun--anything really!

Here's a bunch of random orgs and resources that I have found helpful: Fireweed Collective, Wildflower Alliance, Project LETS, Mapping our Madness, Mad Survival Tools, Organizing Guide for Psychiatric Survivors, MindFreedom Resources, Multiplied by one (I can't personally vouch because I haven't been to their groups, but I have a friend with DID who attends these groups and had positive things to say about them.)

I'd also add on this book: "Psychosis, Dissociation, and Trauma: Evolving perspectives on Severe Psychopathology" although I do want to give a warning that this book is a heavy academic text that has a lot of clinical and stigmatizing language. For me, it had some helpful information that helped me make connections between my experiences of trauma, dissociation, and psychosis, but I would not recommend reading it unless you feel like you're in the right headspace and can deal with wading through a lot of the psychiatric narrative.

These are all just some things that sometimes work for me, so please feel free to disregard anything that doesn't resonate with you. I'd also love it if followers could add on with any tips, resources, any "unconventional" advice!

thanks for reaching out, anon, and I hope you have a good night 💜

[aortaobservatory]

Hi again! :D Just wanted to thank you for your analysis and give some feedback :]

I've suspected myself to be an Heir of Space, so seeing that you considered it gives me some reassurance.

I'm absolutely sure that between Space and Breath, the values/ stuff associated with Space are much more important to me, so would it make sense to deem myself Space-bound?

Regarding the knowledge of Time.. I honestly don't really understand what that means? If it's about the crochet repetition thing, then I'd say the knowledge of it is what I voluntarily looked for, like I intended to learn the patterns and stuff. Or, if we consider Time being also associated with death, would an interest in death-related stuff and desire to learn more about it also fit? I don't know if it's too far of a stretch..

Also, if it's not too much, what is the big main difference between being a Witch and an Heir? You've pointed out ' self-assurance' 'content in the self' being present in my answers, which you associated with a Witch. So in short, what would be the main thing that designates these two?

I'm sorry if this is too much, not sure if I should ask about this here or in DM's (´・ω・`)

[Log] (For the record, I don't mind wherever you want to ask me! My inbox is probably most reliable at this point in time, but follow-ups on classpect assignments can be inquired about in the notes of the post itself (for a few quick questions or thoughts), my inbox (for a list of questions, such as this), or in my DMs (for full discussion if you'd like).)

If the values of Space are more important to you than the values of Breath, you can absolutely call yourself Space-bound.

As for Time, I can elaborate on why I focused on it. I've seen it often overlooked in other classpect descriptions, but the inverse aspect actually has as much of an effect on you as your true aspect does. Time is just as present in you as Space is; it just isn't what calls to you from the Space-Time pair. This concept of inverses being just as present/impactful as true aspects are goes for all the classpects. (For example, I as a Seer of Heart have an inverse in Witch of Mind; I lack experience in Heart and am surrounded by Mind, so I study Heart through the lens of Mind. That's why I tend to be logical and thorough in my classpect definitions).

It depends on your class how your inverse aspect affects you. If you are an active class, your inverse class is a passive class. [I explain all the inverse class pairs in this post here].

If you are a Witch of Space, your inverse class is the Seer of Time (by embodying what you chose of Space, you end up studying Time).

If you are an Heir of Space, your inverse class is the Mage of Time (by embodying Space fully, you intimately and deeply know the good and bad of Time).

Perhaps a little nerdy of me, but relevant: for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. If you Actively Change (Witch), you also Passively Know (Seer). You say you sought out the knowledge of Time that you have, and you desire to learn more about things relevant to Time (yes, death certainly is associated with Time, which is about endings), so I am even more inclined to say you may be a Witch of Space. Again, though, you are the one who decides what you are in the end.

There are many differences between the Witch and the Heir, but what I'll focus on is the contentment and where that contentment stems from.

Witches, because they specifically pick the pieces of their aspect that they like to embody, change the way their aspect is perceived by others and also how they handle their aspect, as compared to others who may share the same aspect. Witches are active classes and have direct relationships with their aspects. They also have unique takes on their aspects compared to every other class who may share their aspect; as well, there is no Witch who exists the same as any other Witch, even of the same aspect! A Witch who has had time to pick and choose what they like of their aspect and has had time to embody such things is often very happy with themself because they've built the ideal version of themself that they want to be. Their challenge as a class is to achieve a stable balance in themself without losing themself to their aspect or their own changing whims. (And if you are a Witch, I think you may be close to completing this challenge.)

Heirs, meanwhile, often have no choice in the embodiment of their aspect. Heirs are passive classes and have indirect relationships with their aspect because their inverse aspect is often more present and affective in their lives. They embody their aspect fully and completely, even too much, so much so that there is no room to change and they are stuck; they are so much of an embodiment of their aspect that it ends up looping around and limiting them. Even if they want to change, they will have trouble, but a Witch is able to easily change as according to their whim; it just depends on if the Witch wants to. An Heir gets no say, and often has to figure out a way around their aspect or get outside help if they want to change. And that happens to be a very big "if", when I say, "if they want to change". Often, an Heir is content to stay where they are because "it is what it is", or "this is how it's always been for me". Their challenge as a class is to not get stuck on their aspect, to know when to move on and change themselves to keep themselves balanced.

I hope I was able to help!

-AO

[yukipri]

Hi! I'm currently rereading the Prime Override (I really love the story!) and m trying to get a more thorough understanding of Jango in this story. I'm currently stuck on one Canon scene and was wondering if you could elaborate Jango's thoughts there for me?

In canon, on Geonosis, Jango joins the battle attacking Mace while he's lost his lightsaber - likely bc a) hatred and b) convenient target since apparently less defense.

However, Jango in the Prime Override has pretty much lost his hatred instead of a thorough dislike. So, does this scene happen as in canon and if yes, what's his reasoning for joining the battle in this way (instead of possibly going for Boba and leaving) - a mix of anger (for being menaced beforehand) and fear (lightsabers are dangerous, but this Jedi doesn't have one right now)? Is he currently feeling more hatred than usual bc he prepared for being near Dooku? Something else I didn't think of?

Also, how does he think about that move afterwards (if he does at all)? Regret (maybe that wasn't the best move he could have made), annoyance (for dying to a Jedi), or maybe indifference (he was supposed to die at some point for the contract, after all)?

I hope this is something you can answer without spoiling anything to come in future chapters in some way.

Also, I really wanted to tell you how much I love your OC's (especially Ashe and Stabber) and positively flailed over the Stabber perspective last chapter XD I kinda want to give him aaaalllll the hugs 😂

I hope you have a lovely day/evening/night/whenever you see this, and take care!

Sorry for the late response! It's been a very rough few weeks for me, and I can't always guarantee I'll respond to Tumblr asks in a timely manner unless they're urgent, especially if they require any thought or a lengthy response, like this one.

At the time of his death in the Prime Override (and tbh, this fic mostly consists of my headcanons for canon), Jango doesn't actively hate the Jedi enough to go and kill them just because of it. He does dislike them enough that if given a good reason, he wouldn't hesitate to kill one if the opportunity arises. He is also heavily relying on the fact that both Tyranus and Sidious believe that he despises the Jedi passionately, and he uses this to hide his true endgame motives while working with them.

So tbh, while I don't consider this moment crucial to the Override plot atm, I think his actions make perfect sense within its context, for the following reasons:

1) On Geonosis, Jango is standing directly behind Tyranus (Dooku), and the entire arena execution was extremely public, so he could safely say that Sidious was also watching. So, Jango would be expected to act the way they expect him to, which is as you say: like he hates the Jedi and wants to kill them.

2) When Mace first appears, he, without prompting, ignites his lightsaber at Jango's neck. Jango was not aggressive or posing an active threat at the time; he was watching the arena with his bucket off, and Boba was right next to him.

Threatening Jango alone, publicly and in front of Jango's employer, is probably more than enough incentive for Jango to go after him. But that's not all; if you watch the scene, you'll see Boba jolt back away from the tip of the blade, and then run behind Jango. I'm sure Mace knew he was there and wouldn't have hit him, but from an outside POV (and that of a protective parent), that laser sword came awfully close to stabbing Boba, and that fact alone, Jedi or no Jedi, is probably plenty of reason for Jango to target Mace specifically.

3) While the lightsaber was held at Jango's throat, Mace's warning/threat is directed at Dooku, Jango's employer. Jango is, in fact, not on Geonosis for kicks and giggles and for introducing Boba to the joys of public executions. He's there on the job, to provide security for his employer. His employer is threatened, it's his job to get rid of the threat. The most clear threat is Mace.

4) Jango isn't stupid, and knows who the top Jedi is. He may or may not know about Dooku's history with Mace personally, but he's no doubt aware of the Head of the Jedi Order. If there's one Jedi of most "value" that the Sith would like killed, it's probably Mace.

Should note, that for a supposedly Jedi-hating guy who would love to kill them all, Jango doesn't start firing at the Jedi when they come pouring out into the arena; he stays back, only shoots Coleman Trebor when he lands on the viewing booth to attack Dooku since again, it's Jango's job to protect his employer.

Seeing Mace potentially at a disadvantage seems like both an opportunity that Jango must take, to keep up appearances, but is also the most convenient target, given both his prestige and the fact that he threatened Jango in front of Boba and Jango therefore has no guilt in killing him. If anything, the fact that Jango only goes after Mace instead of trying to kill as many Jedi as possible seems to give the "he doesn't actually want to massacre the Jedi" theory credence, at least to me.

Lastly, this isn't really much to do with Jango's reasons for killing Jedi or no, but I should mention that in the Override, Jango did have specific orders to get himself killed. Part of this is admittedly me trying to justify why Jango would take such a risk/not put up a better fight and live up to his reputation, but in general the characters in my head are a lot more competent than they're portrayed on screen. (I have similar justification headcanons for why Boba went out the way he did in ESB lmao)

I feel like I didn't answer all parts of your question, but I hope this answers enough and gives you some food for thought! If this moment does become more relevant to the Override, it will be covered in greater depth there.

Thank you so much for enjoying my work and reading my story!

❀ ❀ Send YukiPri an Ask! ❀ ❀

[aylaaescar]

✨🎹🎯🧊🍀

Hi!!! I'm here with a barrage of asks from the ask game!! Sorry if it's a bit too long, I got kind of carried away 💀 But anyways — these asks for Tysinno OR any other OC of your choosing, please!

omg never be sorry for asking me about Tysinno (or any other OCs) shdfjgksg he's my pride and joy, and I love all the brain blorbos dearly. ty!! 🖤

✨- How did you come up with the OC’s name?

honest answer? I don't remember. I'm 90% sure I came up with Tysinno Maratis on the spot when I was first trying out SHOH :') it is VERY likely there is a more thorough/clear answer that I simply cannot recall, but it's been a few years. if I ever remember then I'll come back and edit this djfgk

🎹 - Do they have any hobbies?

several! he's very artistically inclined, for one thing - sketching and painting is his preference, and he tends to go for other people and landscapes for his subjects. think Jack Dawson from Titanic. I could see him being good at pottery if he ever gave that a try, but I don't think he has?

he also has a fondness for literature, both reading and writing. in terms of reading, he likes most anything (but has a preference for horror and adventure). in terms of writing, he's very much a poetry man.

🎯 -What do they do best?

Tysinno himself would make some bitter remark about being a doom magnet to villages of Hunters who take him in as a baby. I, Sierra, would say that it's probably following his sense of justice and doing the right thing? he's very much guided by his morals and his principles; if he sees something that isn't right, he does something, even if it's dangerous for him. the Autarchy says it's illegal to use healing magic on refugees because it's not Shepherd business? well, the Autarch isn't here now, is she?

🧊 - Is their current design the first one?

not really. while a lot has stayed the same (a good heart, introverted tendencies, loving cats, having an enormous guilt complex), his "first draft" counterpart wasn't a goth lol. a bit of a sunnier disposition in comparison to him being a bit glum and stoic as his current self. which isn't to say that he's gloom and doom all the time, ofc - he's just on the pessimistic side, and can get caught up in his own head. first draft Tysinno was a bit more of a stepford smiler.

also, his hair used to be shorter, and he didn't have any piercings or tattoos. that all changed when I came to the realization that he would enjoy both as forms of fashion and expression. :)

🍀 - What originally inspired the OC?

mostly? I just wanted a softhearted, compassionate, sweet healer man for my MC. there's no lack of jerk dude heroes in stuff, and I liked the idea of playing as a guy who's sweet and empathetic, and isn't afraid to be gentle and kind. he's come out a lot gloomier and moody, like I said sdhfgjksg side effect of being the Brightburner and like. everything that comes with? but it's still there. it's why I'm so fond of him.

[amrv-5]

B, J 😳 (lol) also E, F, K :)

AHH Hello!!! Thank you for the ask (and just saw your other one specifying beejhawk LOL don't worry I got a one track brain and that would've been the characters regardless RIP) anyway these are all so long I'm so sorry LMAO NSFW below the cut:

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

I answered this one in depth here, but I'll also add runner-ups for each other: BJ's second-place favorite part of Hawkeye is waist, I think, because he's very grabbable. Soft, little bit of a curve, immediately compelling re: a hand should Go There. Hawkeye's second place fav on BJ, I'm going to go with jawline or arms. Masc, handsome, and uniquely recognizably distinctly BJ.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

BJ: Probably very embarrassed about it, conceptually, at least at the start. Really paranoid about being overheard or caught in a Swamp setting. Because I HC him as having some shame/guilt about sex and so probably for a long time had better alone time than partnered, I think that fantasizing ends up being a really important part of sex for him, even once he does get comfortable with a partner. It's definitely a slightly heady thing for him, and he does a lot of thinking himself into arousal. He's into talk and verbal fantasies, I think, which Hawkeye is good at and canonically enjoys doing for him (?!), and once he got over some initial nervousness I think he'd really be into 'starting' while Hawkeye was away and getting 'caught.' Like, Hawkeye out for a grocery run or something, BJ lays himself out on the bed and takes his time touching himself, maybe getting right up to the edge and then backing off, waiting for Hawk to get home and catch him at it, at which point he'd either take over, as it were, or sit on the edge of the bed and spin the most intense verbal fantasy ever while BJ gets off to the sound of his voice.

Hawk: I think in early show-timeline, he was probably the worst tentmate in the world. He's naturally high-strung, relatively high-libido (when he's in right spirits, I think he has lows that would temporarily lower the heat of his flame), and whenever he's stressed or keyed up and he can't find somebody to play with, well, he's going to be taking matters into his own hands. I think he sucks at being quiet but thinks he's doing a good job, so, we're talking about constant little whines and gasps across the tent while everybody sleeps or stares very hard at the wall and tries to seem asleep, because everybody recognizes there really isn't any meaningful privacy in the camp, and in the morning he really assumes he's been subtle. I'd love to see some sort of post-canon take on this where BJ wakes up to Hawkeye trying to get off quietly beside him in bed and takes over, like, 'why didn't you just wake me up?' Or talks him through it, whatever.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

I'm realizing in the course of posting this how much I HC BJ as a little shy. I really think Peg was probably his first outside of some, like, awkward high school fumbling. For me this is because I HC him as a repressed gay man who really struggles to figure out his relationship with desire through a lot of instilled guilt and shame about sex in general, but for a bi HC (since we're talking Beejhawk specifically) I think he'd still be relatively shy and inexperienced because, like, guilt/shame. He's confident with a partner he's known for a while, though, and since we're talking Beejhawk I'm gonna say once they settle in with each other and knows what makes Hawkeye tick, he gets a whole lot less shy real fast. He likes to do a good job, I'm saying.

Hawkeye I clearly HC as far more experienced, and I also HC him as genuinely great in bed. He just has fun and is thorough and knows how to listen and take direction and get inventive when it's needed. He's also very good at I think intuiting what BJ might need or want early on in the relationship, so he really knows what he's doing there, too.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Okay, so, sappy but I think they might genuinely go for anything that lets them kiss and talk. Just face-to-face kissing, chatting, really lovey-dovey eye contact and grinning. Disgustingly in love stuff.

Alternately, I think they'd both be big into oral sex. Hawkeye because he loves the act, has a ridiculous oral fixation that gets so satisfied, and specifically loves to take BJ apart. He likes to kneel over him, keep control, really leverage his strength and weight and position, stay active about it. Meanwhile BJ is a huge fan of lying down with Hawkeye's legs over his shoulders and just losing himself in it, taking his time, letting his hands wander while his mouth is busy. Very slow and sensual and thorough, just as much for him as it is for Hawkeye.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Yeah awesome awesome I'm going to go with BJ's whole provider/caretaker complex first. I think that's really prominent with him, and I think it lends itself to a lot of different kinks slantwise. Some of my favorites to write/read are anything where that relates to physical caretaking, i.e. making sure Hawk is surrounded in soft things, warm, well-fed, relaxed, thoroughly fucked and maybe a little spoiled, etc. It's a good way for him to work out some of that protective and kind of possessive energy in a harmless nice way. Less obviously, I think he might have a thing for getting tied up and lightly embarrassed or teased. I think he has so much of an instinctive need to be in control that it would be incandescently taboo and hot for him to have all that stripped away. Especially if he was at Hawkeye's mercy.

And Hawk, I think he might be into competence. Like, anything where BJ shows himself to be effortlessly and unaffectedly incredible at something, that would be an instant turn on. And/or getting manhandled. I think he wants to feel a little delicate sometimes, and BJ throwing him around on occasion would do that. He's a big boy. It's not every day a 6'2" fella gets to feel small.

[engagemachine]

How do you feel about the Joker in your story? Do you hate this character?

@ferrsryserstonin

Hello! Thank you for your ask. I'm sorry this one took so long to answer. I just wanted to make sure I had set aside an appropriate amount of time to give you a thorough answer.

How do I feel about the Joker in Burn?

Well, I hate him.

But I love to hate him.

I've spoken a lot in the past about my fascination with the character of Joker -- my obsession has been ongoing for almost fifteen years now, since TDK first came out back in 2008 -- but I've been fascinated with the character ever since I was a little kid and saw him in comic books and in the media as I was growing up. I think the Joker was my first exposure to a character who was so openly evil and who loved being evil, and that always intrigued me.

Good and evil was so black and white to me when I was little, strictly in the sense that I was taught that being evil was bad and wrong it made you into a miserable person... so to be faced with this character who swung so assuredly in one direction -- and who had so much fun doing it -- was just so crazy to me. While growing up, I'd been exposed to a lot of villains who could be categorized as being more "tortured souls", or who openly struggled with good and evil (Darth Vader, for instance, is a great example of that) or even villains who were burdened by some other "greater" purpose, whether it was greed (a desire for power/money) or this sense of misplaced justice, or perhaps revenge. But the Joker isn't motivated by these things. And his total lack of a conscience means he doesn't struggle with being evil. He loves it. He is constantly looking for ways to be even more evil, to push the boundaries of what he is capable of. He fully embraces what he is. He loves the reign of terror and chaos he's brought down onto Gotham.

As I've gotten older, what constitutes as "good" and what constitutes as "evil" has obviously become less black and white, and there are far more gray areas to take into consideration, but that's kind of where the fun in writing him comes into play. I do think the Joker is evil to his core, but I have also enjoyed sprinkling in little bits of humanity here and there. It's never not thrilling to see the man behind the mask. I also like that, throughout the story, there are moments peppered throughout that really make you question whether he's just done something for his own pleasure and enjoyment, or if it's because he actually cares for Taylor. I think for the most part, the answer is usually fairly obvious, but there are instances that kind of make you wonder.

So do I hate his character? In a word, yes. I think he's evil, conniving, selfish, beyond redemption (this is important) and, if I believed in the death penalty, that he should probably/definitely be put to the electric chair. I base these opinions off my beliefs that a) the Joker is not mentally ill (like some interpretations would like to claim) and b) the Joker does not want to be redeemed. He is perfectly content with being the evil little shit that he is.

I'm going to link you to this post that I hope will shed some more light. I feel like people tend to ask if I "like" the Joker because they want to suss out whether there could possibly be any redeeming qualities to his character, and whether it's OK to want to see Taylor and him end up together (and correct me if I my assumption is wrong, but I'm also basing my reply around the questions you posed to me in the private message you sent).

The short answer is: of course it's okay to want to see them be together, and it's important for you, the reader (and for any other readers out there) to know that it doesn't make me upset if that is how you feel. I mean, that's the whole driving fascination with the story, right? This crazy, obsessive, and toxic dynamic they share... we can't get enough. They're polarized magnets, always inextricably drawn to each other no matter the distance.

But this is also a work of fiction, and therefore is a safe space in which to desire wanting to see these sorts of evil things play out. It goes without saying that I do not condone any of these behaviors in real life, and I am sure none of my readers do, either. If Taylor were a real person, I would scoop her up into my arms and hide her away from the Joker forever. She's been so deeply manipulated, groomed, and traumatized by him that she can barely differentiate up from down. He is her whole world but only by his design. Has has quashed -- at every single turn -- any hopes of Taylor ever having a normal life, because he's a selfish, manipulative bastard who only wants her for himself.

I think a lot of the fascination I have with this particular dynamic is that I love to see evil men be brought to their knees (or, at least, a close approximation to it) by the most unsuspecting person -- who in this case happens to be a seventeen year-old girl. There is no denying that their energy is borderline explosive when they're together. And I am here to tell you that that is okay to want to see that play out, to want to see their co-dependent relationship turn even more obsessive and dark than it already is. I don't think any of us would be here, reading this story, if we didn't enjoy -- at least a little bit -- the toxic dynamic that has slowly been unfolding for the past twelve chapters of Burn.

Anyway, I hope this adequately answers your questions. I love talking about the Joker and I'm happy to do so any time! Thank you for reading.

[shadowisles-writes]

Secret Santa here again -

Elucien is actually my favorite ACOTAR ship, despite the fact that I’ve never written it. I’m definitely excited to give it a go. I’ll make sure to sprinkle in some Nessian and Feysand glimpses for you!

Can you answer a few questions for me to help me get started?

-What are your favorite tropes?

-Do you prefer AU or canon compliant fics?

-What are your favorite things about Elain? Lucien?

-Why do you love this ship? What makes them work so well together?

-SFW? NSFW?

-Do you prefer falling in love or established relationships?

-Lucien belongs in several places: Autumn, Spring, Night, Day, and the human lands. Which is your favorite setting? Least favorite?

-Are there any secondary ships or characters I should avoid in this story?

-Is there anything else that I should be asking or that you’d like me to consider?

This will help me tailor the fic to your tastes! Sorry I know it’s a lot. Don’t feel pressured to answer everything. 😊

Oooh I hope you have fun writing it for the first time!!

I love most tropes except pregnancy as long as they're done right. Clichés and trope exist for a reason, I think they're all very fun to work with.

I love AUs because they give more freedom and they're more surprising. I really enjoy reading AUs where canon elements have been manipulated to fit that world! I do also enjoy reading in a canon setting because I'm always like mmmh this was such a good idea I wonder if SJM will be that smart too.

I love Lucien's loyalty. He's so GOOD, like in the spring court when everyone is pissed at him that he's not helping Feyre, he's obviously torn between the girl he's known for a few months and helping the male who saved him and who has been his friend for years rebuild a stable court. He's also one of the few characters who isn't trying to show off all the time, he's smart and he uses that a lot rather than brute force. Him and Elain are both overlooked by the people around them, they're both left out in whatever court they happen to be in. Elain is never really part of the Night Court and I think she would greatly benefit from seeing more of Prythian. I think that once she takes the time to get to know him, she's going to find Lucien is the one person who will understand her as she is now rather than treat her like the person she was in her past life. I'm going to stop here before this turns into a very unstructured essay lol.

I care about feelings more than I care about smut, if you give me tension and characters suddenly holding hands I will go feral compared to characters with less established chemistry having sex.

Falling in love has its pros because omg it's all new and yay they're finally together but there's a comfort in established relationships that is always lovely to read about so that one is really up to you.

I'm always curious about Lucien in the human lands, I would love to know more about him around Jurian and Vassa, but ultimately my favorite place for him is the Day Court. The Night Court doesn't deserve him and Elain doesn't fit there either.

I'm good with whatever secondary characters you want to include and you've been very thorough so I don't think there's anything I need to add!! I'm very excited to read what you come up with <3 Do keep in mind that these are all preferences and if you feel like writing things differently I'm sure I will love that too :)

[ddejavvu]

I have some things I've been thinking about when it comes to the hybrid AU and I wanted to hear your thoughts if you are open to it. But please please feel free to immediately delete this if you don't want to read it. I'm going to say Trigger Warning for SA just to make sure I don't hurt you or anyone else.

Basically ever since you started posting content with a puppy!hybrid reader I've realised how fucked up some things could be in that world when it comes to hybrids and essentially owning people. Because obviously there are no laws against having a relationship or sex with hybrids. So I'm like shit... how many of these poor buggers are "adopted" to essentially become someone's sex slave. Even if they're into it because they love their owner and the owner isn't downright cruel to them. Kind of like a weird Stockholm Syndrome. I feel like it would happen more to the poor females than the males. I'm wondering if maybe shelters have rules or do thorough background checks so people can adopt the female hybrids. I started thinking about it when you said about puppy!reader kissing all over Eddie I was like damn the Eddie I write would be hard immediately and want to fuck her so bad. 😂 But he didn't adopt her to buy himself a girlfriend, he wanted a companion. A pet. I have no doubt Eddie would be down for a relationship if she wanted one. But also, how can you tell what's real when they're going to love you to the moon and back just for saving them.

Anyway do you have any thoughts on that? It's kind of like an ethical dilemma. Also, since I've already added the trigger warning I've been wanting to ask more about puppy!hybrids going into heat or I think you called it a rut for the males? You wrote about puppy!steddie helping each other out during a rut. Do you think they would do the same thing with a female puppy!hybrid reader? Can you get your hybrids desexed? Can you force them on birth control? Do you have to teach them about protection so they don't run around getting each other pregnant? I have so many questions I'm so sorry. I need to know because damn, what I wouldn't give to be Eddie's puppy!hybrid. 🥵

tw for SA as mentioned above // also don't apologize, hybrid aus are something i know a lot about, so feel free to ask anything!

hybrid aus are magical realism, they plop a magical concept into a realistic society. my hybrid au tends to ignore the terrible parts of society that would run even deeper if hybrids were integrated into it, but a lot of people don't, and i'll answer your questions using hybrid au lore that i've come to know over years of reading a lot of different fics.

yes, there is a lot of implied sex slavery within the more developed, realistic systems of hybrid aus, so it's difficult to police sexual attraction from hybrids as it might not always be genuine. and no, a lot of shelters that are portrayed in fics don't do background checks, because they're not pro-hybrid. they abuse their hybrids just as much as the general population does, and it's usually the one nice character that stars in the fic that gives them a better life. i suppose my hybrid au is supposed to be a perfect world, where people aren't that vile. in reality, i know that they would be abused and exploited and assaulted, i just don't like thinking about that (i'm not angry that you asked me, i'm fine to share my knowledge i just don't like writing it into my fics), so i don't write about it either. but in a more developed hybrid au, i would most likely include hesitation surrounding sexual or romantic feelings because of that. i've definitely written longer and more developed hybrid aus for different fandoms, so i'd suggest if you wanted to get a better understanding of the au, you should go to AO3 and look up whatever fandoms you're into!! a lot of creators have a lot of fantastic work there that goes way more into depth than my little word vomits do.

so again in more developed hybrid aus there's lots of explanation around that (maybe i'll write one for steddie, who knows), but basically the general consensus is that there's heat/rut suppressants, that can mask the symptoms of a hybrid's heat/rut. but in most of the fics that include them, they negatively affect the hybrid, with side effects of nausea/vomiting, emotional numbness, decreased appetite, basically it destroys their personality and leaves them a shell of a person. so the mc's choice is then, do i want to harm this hybrid by masking their heat/rut, or do i want to be fucked into oblivion? and in fanfictions, i'm sure you can guess which one is decided upon. and i think in fanfiction protection is just ignored because no one wants to write about condoms, but yes you could put your hybrids on the pill or give them a rubber, it's really up to the author.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

But just for discussion's sake, who gets Coco? And who Birdy? Or is this like a poly situation where they swap? Hmmmm./// oh my god ok so

in my mind Nick would get Coco because she'd be the one to figure out they're not the helpful guys they claim to be and Nick does like his girls to be smart (not saying Birdy isn't but Coco has endured more time with a psycho so she's got her wits and her eyes wide open for creeps) plus Nick would get a kick out of "taming" Coco because it makes him feel like a MAN and powerful and boss-like etc

Lloyd would most definitely pick Birdy because he has a talent to spot the broken ones and our poor girl is one raised voice away from being in a full PTSD episode and being the asshole he is he'd love to see just how many more ways he can further break Birdy (both mind and body)

but I'm pretty sure they'd both share the girls (because they are nothing but toys to play with in their minds) and even go a step beyond and have them like do stuff to each other for their amusement, like telling one of them to 'get her ass ready for me with your tongue' and to the other 'you better hope she's thorough because I'm not even gonna spit on my cock for you', or making them have a competition like "first one to make the other cum doesn't get the paddle today/doesn't get to fall asleep strapped to the fucking machine" or something like FULLY BREAKING THEM YOU KNOW

..... oh my I'm so sorry for getting carried away

(also don't worry hun I'm just happy Tumblr is delivering my messages because that's not always the case, but answer on your time and only if you want to, you're amazing either way 😊)

additional dark thought: now that Candy is possibly joining on the escape maybe there's the need for a third dark character to join the newest version of their nightmare. Perhaps a "good intentioned" lawyer who recently got divorced and is looking for a new play thing? *cough cough* Andy Barber *cough cough*

Could he be as sick and twisted and vicious as Lloyd and Nick tho? 🤔

anyways thanks for entertaining my troubling thoughts

Oh this is just as likely and I can see either way. Sharing or not. But definitely using manipulation and all that to take advantage of women with no where else to go.

Candy and Andy. Is that too much rhyming lmaoooo. But I could see it or... and hear me out, the helpful hacker Jensen recognises her from her cam days--

[allegra-j-joann]

Can you please tell us more about how you became an English teacher in Japan? And the whole process. Thank you 😊

Great question anon!

I actually decided I was going to aim for this job when I was about seven, my aunt and uncle used to teach in Fukuyama, and they'd send me letters every few months telling me about it, back then I was absolutely obsessed with getting letters so hot super excited for it.

The main thing that most teaching companies wanted, from what I found, was proof that you have a native level English understanding and a university degree, they entirely don't care what you study, just that you can show them you finished.

Some companies also ask for a TEFL or TESOL qualification, but they're relatively easy to do, I got mine through a six month online course run through theTEFLacademy.

After I got my assorted certificates in line, it was about the same as hunting for any other job, googling around and researching the companies and their reputations. I currently teach with a company called Amity, they're one of the bigger companies in Japan, and their foreign teacher support is really solid, they were thorough in their interviews too.

The whole interview process took about three months, I had to complete an online quiz essentially, normal job app style, then they wanted a video of me speaking and singing a nursery rhyme to judge my speaking style and/or accent. After that was a few video interviews and a short (maybe fifteen minute) model lesson based on a loose prompt to see how you are at lesson planning. The biggest issue I had with any of this phase was honestly just the scheduling, because the hiring office was in America and I was in Australia, all of my interviews happened between 3am and 7am lol.

After getting my contract offer things moved pretty fast, I applied for my working visa and got my passport, then I just had to pack everything into storage or into my suitcases and fly over. Here in Japan the company collected me from the airport, shipped my luggage ahead to my school so I could take it to my apartment, and then I did a two week training course with all the other incoming teachers. Most companies will teach you absolutely everything you need to know to do the job, we had lessons on business terminology, what their strategy for selling lessons was, they even taught us the different ways we had to talk to students, parents, coworkers, and assorted levels of superiors, and we relentlessly drilled lesson plans and activities.

After the two week bootcamp they sent us off to our schools, our managers helped us register our residency at city hall and we got a further week of shadowing a teacher at our school, meeting our students and seeing the lessons in real life.

And that was that, I've been here for just under a year and a half now and I have to say, it's the best choice I've ever made in my life. I miss my family often, but it's really fulfilling, if difficult, work. It can seem overwhelming but honestly so long as you do with a reputable, established company and keep your documents in line the process isn't that difficult, even with my ADHD and anxiety getting in the way, it was really smooth.

Sorry for the giant essay, I'd be happy to answer questions! I hope this was helpful for you!

[mysticstarlightduck]

happy blorbo blursday! what are your OC's biggest fears and how do they (or dont') deal with them?

Happy Blorbo Blursday! Thanks for the Ask, @cabbojage! (Sorry for the late answer, yesterday was a bit of a crazy day and I was very tired lol. Plus I wanted to be thorough with this answer.)

What are your OC's biggest fears and how do they (or dont') deal with them?

Oh boy, this is such an interesting question - and such a dark one as well. Let's take a deep dive into my character's worst nightmares: (Since this is a very straightforward question, I will do this for the entire cast - of good characters - from TLW)

It is worth noting that most characters don't have very healthy coping mechanisms, as such is needed for any character development to occur (by the end of the story they grow and learn to handle emotions properly).

This is incredibly long, so the answers will be under the cut!

Raelen Ashiren -

Fear: Her worst fear is losing more of her family to the Secret Court (she also has a very viscerally terrified reaction to Secret Court assassins in general). She also fears that she isn't enough and that this will cause her to inevitably fail her family's legacy.

How She Copes: Well, she mostly copes with this fear by taking action to ensure that it doesn't happen. She prefers having to stand up and fight against her worst enemies than letting this reality come to pass (yet again because she already lost family to the Secret Court once in the past).

Azra Moorsworth -

Fear: His worst fear is that doesn't have an identity or significance. That he will forever be stuck as a "nobody" who was found abandoned in the woods with no parents and no name. That this is all he'll ever be if he doesn't prove himself as someone worthwhile.

How He Copes: Azra mostly tries to push down this fear, doing all that he can to prove himself and make a name, an identity that he can be proud of. Every time he fails, if only so slightly, the fear grows slightly stronger.

Julyan Ashiren -

Fear: His worst fear is that he isn't strong enough to protect his siblings and that he'll end up alone (as in, that they'll die) should he not be able to shield them from the world. He promised his parents before they died that he would keep their family safe, and desperately fears that he will let them down. Also, as the story progresses (after he is captured by the Secret Court), he develops a brutal fear of becoming a monster and losing control of his powers.

How He Copes: Julyan tries to handle everything by himself, so as not to burden others, and never allows himself to take a break or show weakness, even if it costs his well-being. He tries to do more than he needs to do, to ensure nothing unexpected takes him by surprise (including controlling his powers).

Vallerius Zyndrosar -

Fear: His worst fear is that he is an unlovable monster who is unworthy of love and respect. Due to the circumstances of the death of his dad (who was killed by an assassin that was looking for Vallerius), Vall developed strong feelings of self-loathing. He fears that - due to being the son of a Fallen One (thus having dark magic in his blood) - it is in his nature to be dangerous/cause harm to others.

How He Copes: Vall copes with his fear by doing everything in his power to be helpful to those around him, as if to fight against what he fears is his nature. He also tries to contain much of his powers, only using them when it is truly needed, as he fears they are the cause of everything wrong that has happened in his life. He puts the needs of others before his own every time, being afraid to act (as he calls it) "selfishly", and always kees a funny/easygoing mask to pretend to be unbothered by things.

Nyx Faestorm -

Fear: Nyx is terrified of being "a coward". Haunted by the brutal slaughter of his people by the Morosyn Empire, Nyx was able to survive by running away and hiding, which caused him to develop feelings of guilt and shame over "having run away and not helped" when in truth he had no other choice and it was not his fault (he struggles with survivor's guilt, especially since he is considered to be the last fae alive)

How He Copes: Nyx copes with his fear by trying to always jump into action, and keeping a proud facade to hide his low self-esteem. He struggles with freezing up during moments of high stress or danger and tries his best to avoid that from happening so that he can take action.

Sybil Rihdel -

Fear: Sybil struggles with a fear of rejection, feeling like she will never fit in or be accepted by others around her, no matter how hard she tries. She fears that everyone is silently judging her and thinking less of her.

How She Copes: Sybil copes with this by being as wild and unexpected as possible. She believes that, since everyone is going to judge her, she might as well just be herself. And that's good. However, on the days her insecurities are especially strong, she makes a point of being aggressive/obnoxious, even making weird/disturbing jokes (dark humor) often rejecting other people before they can reject her.

Kaden Rihdel -

Fear: Kaden struggles with a strong fear of abandonment. He is afraid of being "left behind" and that he'll end up alone (he doesn't even like spending large stretches of time by himself, it makes him anxious).

How He Copes: Kaden tries to keep those around him as safe as possible, making sure that he is not seen as "a burden". He tries to find ways to always be in the company of someone else, be it by chatting a lot or just following them/helping around.

Nadinne Ahmirah -

Fear: She fears that she will have to live her life stuck to the shore, and never get the chance to sail the seas like she yearns to. She fears being unable to act upon her own choices and fears that her status as a noble lady might stop her from making the difference she wants to see in the world. On the other side of this coin, she also dreads disappointing her family, so she is stuck between being free and being the daughter she needs to be.

How She Copes: Nadinne copes with her fear by finding ways to take action without dishonoring her family name. She becomes a guide/messenger for those who need her help, using her influence to aid those that can truly fight directly against the dangers she wishes she could face without repercussions.

Morwan Destrin -

Fear: Morwan fears that, deep down, she is still the same scorned lady she was in the past, someone who she sees as weak, afraid, and incapable. She fears being weak because weakness only got her hurt and mistreated by a world that saw her as "lesser".

How She Copes: Morwan copes with her fear by doing whatever she can to be as strong and fierce as she can be. She becomes the most dangerous warrior in Agrannor, and yet, she still feels like she could be stronger, more respected. She tries to become a different person than the one she was when she was rejected but neglects to heal the trauma and wounds that said event caused.

Trystan Grayspear -

Fear: Trystan's worst fear is the fear of failure. He is afraid of failing in his duties to the Order of Knights, he is afraid that he will fail on teaching Peregrine everything he needs to know to become a knight. Trystan lives haunted by the thought of one day having to face the shame and humiliation of failing something important (especially since so much of his identity and self-worth is centered around him being a knight and the duties he has to fulfill)

How He Copes: Trystan copes with this by always being the best he can be. He tries to be perfect because if he is perfect he can't fail, and he won't make mistakes (or so he thinks). With him, everything has its time and place, every action must be perfectly calculated in every way, and every chance of making a mistake must be eradicated.

Peregrine Duskeblom -

Fear: Peregrine's worst fear is that he is a disappointment, a letdown that only screws things up. He is afraid that everything wrong that happened in his life was his fault (plus he is haunted by the mistake he made that got him exiled from the Order and disowned by his mentor/adoptive brother).

How He Copes: Peregrine copes by making sure that everything he does is to make sure he makes up for the mistakes he has made and to ensure he doesn't "screw up" again. He tries to fix the problems around him, to redeem himself for all that has happened.

Darian Caelestis -

Fear: Darian is afraid of breaking his promises, of not being able to uphold the vows he makes to his friends and their cause. He is also afraid that - since he is not a skilled warrior and instead is more of a scholar, and his inventions rarely work out as planned - he will be unable to fight for what is right. Darian is also rather afraid of conflict and tried to avoid the war for as long as he could because of this fear.

How He Copes: Darian tries to make newer and more upgraded inventions, sure that this is the time he will get it right. He tried to avoid the war so as not to be forced into a conflict, but upon realizing that this was his only chance to save his friend, he decided to face the danger head-on, so as not to break yet another promise.

Tanwin Lyrandeth -

Fear: Tanwin is afraid of being treated like a weapon and not a person. He is also afraid of having his privacy invaded and having his opinions and thoughts dismissed.

How He Copes: Mostly, he doesn't. All that he can do is hope that it isn't true, but since he believes that "hope" is a lie and that it died a long time ago, he mostly has to just live with the belief that his fears are true.

Seira Nivaine -

Fear: That she'll never know who she truly is, and that she'll have to live her life with that gnawing void of "What am I? Where did I come from?", should she fail to find the answers she needs. The fear of not knowing why she is who she is and never knowing her true past haunts her.

How She Copes: Seira copes with her fear by facing the unknowing, by taking whatever chances she can get to lead her closer to the truth she sorely needs. She copes by taking reassurance from the present, and the things that she knows exists, so as not to let her mind spiral into the void of the endless questions she has no answer to as of yet.

Lukan Velterin -

Fear: That he will forever be just a "good for nothing thief", a scoundrel that will never be more than what he always was, forced to accept a mediocre existence.

How He Copes: Lukan wears a mask of pride and indifference towards the world, using his reputation and the name he built for himself as a defense mechanism against his fears and the world. After all, the "thief of a thousand tricks" always comes out on top. He never needs anyone (because he believes that no one ever needed him) and believes in golden coins, not in any ideal.

Isolde Kierah -

Fear: That she will never live up to her mother's name and expectations. She fears that "how can one be an honorable knight if the crown I hoped to serve is corrupted?". Torn between her orders/training and what she knows is right.

How She Copes: Isolde copes with this by always following her moral compass and letting it guide her, hoping that she is doing the right thing. Thus she has one of the healthiest coping mechanisms on this list. Still, the insecurity and doubt are still there, waiting for a moment of weakness to resurface again.

Arammis Dohrfaren -

Fear: Arammis fears being helpless and unable to stand up against the injustices she and others around her face. Having a very just and rebellious personality, Arammis hates being forcibly told what to do or being stuck in a situation where she can't fight back.

How She Copes: Aramis makes a point of standing up against injustice, the more she is told to back out, the more she wants to get involved. If she can't combat it directly, she will find a subtler alternative, but she'll never give up. Anything to not be helpless.

Princess Ellinor Dallantes:

Fear: Ellinor fears that she doesn't have what it takes to be the ruler she needs to be. That she is not ready for the challenges yet to come. She is also afraid of how her orders could put her friends and her subjects in danger if she doesn't think things through.

How She Copes: She tries to make sure that she is ready for every single outcome, and that she doesn't give her enemies the chance to retaliate and cause more harm. She studies, practices, and fights, all to make sure no one has to die in her name and that she is prepared to take her place as the Queen of Arkellya when they reconquer her lands.

Bryn Seperi -

Fear: Fire. Bryn is viscerally terrified of fire, and even the lightest of candles can cause him immense aversion. He is not afraid of much else, but fire is one of the only things that makes him have a full o breakdown. He is also afraid of losing Cirien or being unable to enact his revenge on High Lady Avaline. (Here's the link to the post where I explain why Bryn is terrified of fire and also explain a bit of his tragic past as well).

How He Copes: (With his fear of fire) He doesn't. Bryn tries to stay as far away from any source of fire as he possibly can, be it a fireplace, a candle, or anything else, even if it means getting cold in the winter. (With his fear of failing his revenge quest) To cope with this, Bryn makes sure he is so deadly that no one can stand in his way and survive, making sure none of his enemies live to tell the tale.

Ansell Kallik -

Fear: Ansell is terrified of failing in his duties as Princess Ellinor's bodyguard and of being unable to protect his friends - he is also afraid of failing as a member of the Gilded Vipers. Also, around the end of Book 1 and the start of Book 2, due to an unfortunate confrontation with a villain, Ansell becomes touch averse and develops a deep phobia of people who can't respect his personal space.

How He Copes: Ansell copes with his fear of failing his duties by always trying to do his best, even going as far as to make sure he takes every hit in battle if it means his friends are unscathed. Even though they tell him he doesn't need to do this and that he shouldn't put himself in danger. He has a dangerous mix of extreme selflessness, lack of self-preservation instincts, and low self-esteem, which makes him rather compromise his safety instead of seeing his friends in peril. As for his touch aversion and fear of people who don't respect his personal space, Ansell slowly gets better at managing his fears, but it never does leave him. To cope with this, he likes spending time with his friends while doing something else so that he isn't left alone with his memories.

Yuna Thyren -

Fear: Yuna constantly struggles with self-blame issues (her family died when her village was raided by the Imperial army, and she managed to survive by sheer luck), as well as past trauma regarding the Morosyn Empire.

How She Copes: Unfortunately Yuna has one of the worst coping mechanisms in the book. After surviving what was meant to kill her, Yuna became well, depressed. She started turning into a very reckless person, especially when it came to her health and safety. She began drinking, gambling, and getting into fights with local thugs and lowlifes. When Ellinor and Ansell met her and gave her a chance to join the team, she decided to turn her life around and start dealing with her problems more sustainably, now that she has people to support her.

Emryc Thorne -

Fear: Illness (the Blood Curse Plague is one of his major childhood traumas, more than he'd like to admit it), as well as insecurity, uncertainty of the future, and being forced to trust people he would never otherwise believe in. Emryc, also has slight thalassophobia, despite literally coming from the seafaring archipelago of the Storm Isles, but not for any specific reason from his past - he just doesn't like the sea, and quite frankly, with the sea creatures and sea monsters that exist in Agrannor, that's a very valid fear.

How He Copes: Emryc tries to avoid any place that he views as unclean - in any way - or where he knows someone sick has been in recently. He doesn't like hugging strangers (though he is a hugger with his friends because he knows they aren't going to get him sick), nor people who talk too close to him, for the same reason as to avoid illness. A simple cough or skin rash is enough to send chills down his spine (at one point in TLW he actually pukes after seeing an infected wound), and he deals with it by getting as far away from it as he can. As for his mild fear of the seas, its nothing debilitating, and he might even agree to enter a ship (that's basically how he escaped the Storm Isles during the height of the Blood Curse Plague), though he stays incredibly still during the entire boat ride - and as far away from the ship's railing as possible - and might even go pale. Due to this fear, he still doesn't know how to swim very well but might do it to survive or to save someone he cares about.

Zephyr Tellian -

Fear: When Zephyr was a young teen, he and his brother witnessed the Fall of Eldon. The entire kingdom was slowly being destroyed and wiped out into nothing. In the midst of the war, they were betrayed by a close friend, who allied himself to the Secret Court out of grief and envy. This "friend" sought to curse/kill Jamie, but Zephyr intervened and ended up being hit with the spell in his place. Because of this, not only is Zephyr plagued by very brutal nightmares and memories (especially now that his curse is getting worse), but he suffers from a lot of trust issues and the fear of being betrayed.

How He Copes: Zephyr mostly tries to pretend that his past doesn't affect him as much as it does. As for his fear of being betrayed, Zephyr has a tendency of pretending he trusts other people and to try and "test" if they're truly on his side or if they mean any harm to him and Jamie.

Jamie Tellian -

Fear: Jamie is terrified of losing Zephyr and of being unable to find a cure for his older brother's curse before it's too late. Growing up, they only had each other - and literally, nothing else - so, even now that they've both grown up, Jamie fears that he will end up alone in the end.

How He Copes: Jamie tries to always be prepared, seeking any solution he can find to try and break the curse, and always being there for his brother, even though Jamie is the youngest. He tries to always find a way to keep them both safe and always tries to excel at anything he has the opportunity to do.

Innara Renfelli -

Fear: Innara's worst fear is her Great-Uncle, Kerwin Illythe (he'd been the husband of her late Great-Aunt Eudora Renfelli). Also known as the man who ruined her life. When she was young, Kerwin never made it a secret that he despised the young girl, seeing her as a bastard and a disgrace to the House Regent (even though she was not), and making as many obstacles as he could in order to derail his young nephew's rule and turn the Council of Houses against him. Recently, Innara discovered that the corrupt nobleman had been working for the Secret Court and was poisoning her father with dark magic. When Innara tried to expose Kerwin, he turned the Council of Houses against her and got her exiled. Even after fleeing her own kingdom and escaping assassins sent to kill her, the trauma never left her.

How She Copes: Innara vowed that she would make things right and find a way to defeat the Secret Court in order to defeat her great-uncle, hopefully in time to save her father's life. However, Innara started struggling with feelings of inadequacy, often thinking "What if she truly isn't enough?", and to cope with them, she started to try and prove her worth, to herself.

Helios Maevel -

Fear: Of being framed and unable to prove the truth about himself. He is also haunted by the death of his childhood best friend, Andreas Raynell, who was murdered by Councilor Viltarin in order to frame Helios (and who died in Helios' arms). Helios developed a strong repulsion to blood after that - feeling like he just couldn't wash away his friend's blood from his hands, even though it was not his fault - a phobia that completely ruined his dreams of becoming a physician in the future). Helios also struggles with some identity issues, especially after discovering his true parentage (something I can't reveal now without spoilers).

How He Copes: Helios tries to make sure he never finds himself backed into a situation he cannot find his way out of and to always have all the facts to everything he is convinced into doing. As for his phobia of blood, Helios has a nervous habit of washing his hands far more than he needs to, and of always wearing thick gloves. He still doesn't know how to cope with his discovery of his parentage and does not know what to do with it.

Cassander Fynn -

Fear: Of losing control of a situation, being unable to read his opponents, or making a bad decision. As a rebel spy, thousands of lives depend on his ability to keep things controlled and to fool his enemies, and if he makes a mistake, other people might pay dearly for it, and that's not something he is willing to let happen. The fear of being wrong or mistaken.

How He Copes: Cassander does his best to plan every situation to the best of his abilities, to always be three steps ahead of his opponents - making them play the game of war by his rules, not the other way around. He can't let himself have moments of doubt and uncertainty, as those could cause his cover to be blown or make him make a bad decision, so he keeps his head clear and his emotions in check.

Luciya Anynth -

Fear: Of losing her freedom, of being trapped, of not being able to act independently, or being forced to follow someone else's orders. She developed this fear after being captured by the Morosyn Empire and forced to be a servant (a handmaid) of the woman who destroyed her life. Luciya is also terrified of being betrayed or left behind, as that is exactly what her half-brother did to her (in her view) when he joined the Morosyn Empire.

How She Copes: Since she can't outright fight against her fear without risking an execution, Luciya makes do by planning her escape every day of her life and working to make the Empire crumble from within, little acts of rebellion that go unnoticed, but stack up on the longer term. As for her fear of being betrayed, she might take a lot of time to start to even remotely trust someone, unless they do something that proves that she can trust them truly, and reacts very ruthlessly to those who dare betray her again.

Quinn Aurellen -

Fear: Quinn fears unpredictability and chaos, though he often uses it to his advantage, but only when it happens to be chaos in the lives of his enemies, not his own. He also deeply fears the Morosyn Empire and the nobles he is forced to entertain, a fear that turned into contempt and disgust over the years. Also, Quinn struggles every day with the dreadful fear of losing his five-year-old son (I mean, he lives literally in the midst of some of the most dangerous people on the continent, and should they wish to do anything to harm them, Quinn would be hopeless to fight back against it, especially since, being a courtesan and a slave, he does not have the status of "free citizen" and thus no legal protection)

How He Copes: Quinn copes by making sure he knows every secret and every hidden weakness of everyone in the royal court. He might not be free, but now neither are they - because he knows enough secrets to destroy them should he wish to speak up. To protect his son, Quinn keeps the boy as far from the court affairs as he possibly can while living in the Imperial Palaces.

Brenwyn Turen/"Revna Venlesh" -

Fear: The fear of being used/manipulated, as well as the debilitating fear of being forgotten, of one day, her name being nothing more than a speck of dust and her life completely ignored in the grand scheme of things, just like her once proud Mageborn House was completely erased, and is now nothing but a forgotten myth.

How She Copes: Brenwyn does everything that she can to ensure that she knows the motivations of those around her, so that she can know if she is being manipulated. As to cope with her fear of being forgotten, Brenwyn strives to do something great and memorable, so that her life was "not for nothing" (in her own words), and so that she might one day even make people remember her lost House.

Fabian Anynth -

Fear: Fabian struggles with a debilitating fear of humiliation and of being treated as someone inferior, something that causes him deep hatred and rage. Growing up, Fabian always knew that the world around him saw him as expendable, as less than dirt - especially for his half-elf status and the fact that he was, for most of his early life, "nothing more than a street kid". Being a very prideful person, having to grow up with his pride being constantly wounded and mocked, caused Fabian to eventually snap - especially after he was forced to beg someone for something as simple as food. Fabian, deep down, struggles with the fear of losing his little half-sister as well, because she was the only person who truly respected him and loved him.

How He Copes: Fabian swore that he would make something of himself, that he would become someone important and powerful enough to make those who had disrespected and mistreated him regret their actions and fear him. Now, as an Imperial Hunter, he can shun the part of his heritage that caused him suffering (though deep down it only makes him feel even more inadequate since as a Hunter he is literally betraying his own kind and working for the enemy) and has become respected by everyone around him, even the Emperor himself. But he wants more. He to bring this corrupted Empire down, and to create a future where no one has to be treated as lesser, and where kids like he once was can have the opportunity to thrive and survive without having to become monsters (like he thinks he became).

Lord Nethen Fahris -

Fear: His worst fear is the executioner (and executions in general), but he also has a deep-seated fear of being unable to destroy his enemies. Nethen is also a perfectionist, and due to a traumatic event in his past, he is mortified of ever making a mistake. (During his childhood, Nethen was raised by a young elf named Elain, whom his family had bought to work as his tutor and nanny. When Nethen accidentally made a mistake that angered the Emperor, his father allowed Elain to be executed and Nethen was forced to watch the execution of the only person who had been like family to him - as his own family didn't care about him. His mother told him that day that "such is the price of making a mistake, boy". Now a young adult, Nethen struggles with PTSD and traumatic visions of that day in his past, which fueled him to try and destroy the system that did this to him.)

How He Copes: Nethen copes with his fears by being calculated and meticulous, always planning everything that he does and knowing every possible outcome - so as not to "allow himself to make a mistake a second time". No one must be more prepared than him, no one must know more than him. Not even the Emperor will stand in his way this time, and he will do whatever it takes to make his vision of the future come to fruition.

Oryon Zyndor -

Fear: Drowning. Despite being half-merfolk, and having once truly enjoyed swimming, after being betrayed and thrown overboard by the captain of the ship he worked for, Oryon developed a strong, unyielding fear of drowning.

How He Copes: He simply doesn't swim anymore and avoids any large bodies of water if he has the option to.

Myrah Faron -

Fear: The fear of death and loss (her past is complicated, but basically her clan was slaughtered by the Radiant Hunt). Myrah is also afraid of being forced to do something she does not want to do, due to her very instinctive personality, preferring to have the option to act freely and on instinct.

How She Copes: Myrah copes with her her fear of death by making sure it doesn't happen to anyone around her, by giving them the means to survive and live their lives. As for her dislike/fear of being controlled or told what to do, Myrah simply ignores any orders and does as she sees fit.

Elyren Tyrvommira -

Fear: Of failing his necromancy spell and being unable to bring his family back to life. Elyren is also afraid of the continent in general, in a very spiteful, bitter, and dangerous way, since he believes that all those lands have done to him was cause him harm, pain, and suffering.

How He Copes: Elyren dedicates himself to studying his spells and spends every day of his life doing all that he can to make sure his plan will work. Obsessed with finding the First Source, which he believes is the key to making his spell work and defeating his enemies, Elyren is willing to do anything to change what happened in the past.

[xhellnhighheelsx]

List the angsty times she’s extra! Do it! Do it! Also, would you take meta prompts? I guess that’s just questions...but your metas are my fave, and I would read them all day everyday. P.S. still any plans to provide receipts for the Doctor’s and River’s irrevocable love? (Yes, that was my ask too ;)

Okay so here’s my emo companion to this post. 

I only picked a handful of moments cuz I wanted to get this to you quick so you don’t think I’m ignoring you lol and I will gladly accept all the meta prompts. Always. 

Let’s start at River’s beginning for this one, shall we?   

Kid Melody calls Nixon for night terrors. He ends up being entirely useless, but that’s government for you. I mean, technically the suit defaulted to the highest authority, so not exactly her fault, but lbr, River would. This gets glossed over a lot, and maybe that’s because it’s so sad.I don’t even have to dig for the angst here. Orphan girl, terrified, alone, cared for by a man whose sanity is unraveling before her very eyes. She watched him graffiti walls and his own skin, warning himself to get out, to get away. How much guilt does that put on a little girl? Unwanted. No friends. Nothing but isolation and a dusty room with paint chipping off the walls. Owned rather than loved. Swaddled by a suit meant only for murder. Other kids want a puppy, but little Melody begs the President of the United States, please, don’t let it eat me. She learns early on that going big is the only way to not be overlooked. 

Now I’m just wondering if the Silence fixed that little issue? If little Melody can call for help, did River? When she was trapped in that suit at the bottom of the lake, did she try to call the Tardis to warn the Doctor? Did he not answer his phone AGAIN? Did she leave a voicemail begging him not to come? Does 12 or 13 find it but can’t do a damn thing about it cuz these faces have to be a secret? Sorry, I spiraled.

Anyway, after she escaped, kid Melody also found an audience to regenerate in front of. She scared the daylights out of some poor homeless man because she was sick and, for once in her life, she didn’t want to die be alone. Think on that.

I won’t get into it too much cuz we’re all well aware, but friendly reminder that home girl actually broke time just to prove a point. She did it for love, yes, but she also did it for herself. She was done being a puppet. This is River saying the decisions she makes will happen on her terms and the universe learns it the hard way. While we’re at it, River has another go at changing time by that lake side by physically shooting at herself. And you know she tries because she is blinking back tears as she says, “of course not.” If the shooting is just for show, why does she say that? This scene is the cause of a lot of diverging headcanons because it either means, River doesn’t remember the events that took place in the aborted timeline and is still trying to change time and create another paradox. Or she does remember and she’s just that self loathing. Or secret option C, she’s faking it for the Ponds, which is it’s own brand of ansty extraness. Basically, pick your poison. They’re all bitter and hard to swallow. 

There’s a lot of controversy around The Big Bang and what River remembers and what not, but let’s consider this for a second: assuming she does genuinely think the universe will close with the Doctor on the other side, she’s agreeing to let her whole life be rewritten. Mind, this is the same woman that later DIES to protect her life and memories with the Doctor. Amy, Rory, and 11 don’t realize it at the time, but when River lets the Doctor climb into the Pandorica and fly it into the heart of the TARDIS, she’s taking the risk of never existing herself. She says, he hardly knows her and now he never will, but what she means is River Song will disappear and Melody Williams will take her place. She is literally self sacrificing at every opportunity. 

Another casual reminder: Remember that time she broke her wrist and tried to hide it because heaven forbid she be mortal for five seconds? And then slapped her husband because he has the audacity to love her? Yup, extra. The entire episode of THORS. If you want a crash course on how to make a scene, this is the ep for you. She makes her entrance by wearing a bright red Mrs. Claus cloak and threatens to remove peoples vital organs. Iconic. And then she follows it up with an overdramatic display of how her “love” will rise again. Meanwhile her medusa hair is just tingling with excitement over how close she is to murdering this sucker of a king. 

Anyway, back to the angst. Her speech is the obvious choice here and we’ve all cried over it a thousand times. She could have ranted about anything to kill time before the meteor strike. She could have laughed about how you can’t trust that slippery fellow, Jim, the fish. She could have listed the inaccuracies of the Byzantium movie, gone on for ten minutes of how it really went down and oh by the way, I’m one of only three survivors and I hunt weeping angels for fun. Forget the Doctor, I’m far more dangerous than he is. She could have bragged about her significant history of escaping. That would have made the most sense, considering that’s literally what she’s about to do. hahaha here’s my master plan and you can’t do a damn thing to stop it. Toodaloo suckers. Enjoy being deep fried.  

But she doesn’t. She talks about the Doctor, as if convincing a room full of strangers he doesn’t love her will save him from danger. Maybe she even convinces herself because she feels responsible for her parents. Maybe she steals diamonds and acts like a thief because she is one. Maybe she feels like she stole something from the Doctor and she tells herself he doesn’t give a damn because he’s better off without her. Moral of the story, he’s always her first thought in a crisis. How can I protect him, how can I save him? Even when he’s not around to see it. She’s so damaged affected by their love affair that it’s second nature for River to scream into the void that the people she loves most don’t give a damn about her. It doesn’t matter (that they’re her parents). You don’t expect a sunset to admire you back. is it a defense mechanism because everyone she loves leaves her? Probably. But only someone who’s extra shouts about their insecurities to a room full of criminals. 

And on a slightly less obvious note, when River and 12 first land on Starship Super Villains R Us, was it really necessary for her to blatantly incriminate herself? She tells what she thinks is some random guy about how this ship is full of despicable people, planet burners and murders and criminals. And then she gives him an icy stare and says, do try the fish. A neon sign of I come here often. In no way was it necessary to inform this guy that she has no qualms with murder. But she does because if she wants to believe her own lie, that she’s heartless and cold, she has to convince others first.    

And last but not least, she straight up haunted her husband’s ass. Ex👏tra👏. Now whether you believe the haunting was full time or just in TNOTD, you can’t deny that the look on her face when she says he left her like a book on a shelf. She didn’t have to follow Eleven and Clara through the tomb explaining things to Clara, but she does. She doesn’t have to flirt with the Doctor and give him the come hither eyes even though she thinks he can’t see/hear her. But she does. Cuz she’s extra.