#also sorry if some points seem jumbled this was more so of a rant but take it aa you will

[sukibenders]

It's really weird seeing the discourse over Alina's ending in the books, where people hated her loosing her powers and living off in some farm with Mal, only to turn around and go "but if she was with the Darkling-". This take completely ignores the fact that, in the books, Alina never truly wanted her powers nor did she want to be in the spotlight. Sure she had things to work out and everything, and may have even grown to find solace in her abilities but that doesn't necessarily mean she became less when she lost them (a narrative that some seem to think?)

It also ignores how much trauma the Darkling had put her through--from him harassing/grooming her, to making her have to constantly look over her shoulder for a big chunk of her life, and so much more. If you didn't like her ending, that's fine, but don't go around pretending as if her staying with the Darkling would have been any better. It also feels like a lot of projection going around with people thinking she's suddenly living a bad life simply because she choose to live out the rest of her time with her partner and working at an orphanage, something that she is entitled to do so after everything she went through. It's also nor like she's struggling financially, like come on, her friends are literal royals, she is fine.

It also seems like a lot of people go and take an easy route of simply ignoring her relationship with Mal, seeming just to hate it and view it as unimportant, when that also takes away from valuable aspects of her character. Mal is important to her, whether people like it or not, just as much as she's important to him (like are we going to ignore how he risked everything to go and find her? Literally being labeled a deserter!) Do I think there are some codependent elements at times? Yes, but that doesn't mean that both can't work through that and become better. That is one thing I will give the show credit for, which is having them not only verbally state that, but show Mal going off to find out more for himself, but people still used that as an opportunity to hate on him. Like 🙄.

[theia-eos]

Could Ike or Mist be Branded?

Sorry for the click-bait-ish headline. It's similar to question I saw posed somewhere else, and it's a question I've also been wondering myself for a long time, and here I am to answer that question for myself as best I can.

Spoilers and a jumbled rant are, as normal, hidden beneath the cut.

So just in case the lore for the Tellius world doesn't live in your head rent free as it does mine, I'll start with the basics. You may skip this section if it does.

The Basics

In Tellius, there are two types of people: Beorc, or humans, and laguz, a people who can shift into different animals to fight. Though exceedingly rare, it is possible for beorc and laguz to have a mixed child, who looks like a beorc, but has some special powers given to them by their laguz ancestor. They are called Branded by beorc and parentless by laguz. Branded comes from the fact that they are born with a mark on their body signifying their laguz blood, parentless from the fact that, as far as most people are aware, these mixed children shouldn't exist and are a sin against the goddess Ashera. For simplicity, I will refer to them as Branded.

The Branded trait (i.e. the mark and the powers) seems to be similar to a recessive trait that can hide throughout generations, only appearing every once in a while, even in the child born of two otherwise perfectly beorc parents. It may have been so long since the original laguz parent was involved that no one knows where the Branded mark even came from.

While Ashera doesn't care about the Branded, her three heroes (Altina, Dheginsea, and Soan) and the heron saint (Lehran) decided to make up laws in Ashera's name to deter laguz and beorc from attempting to have children together, because they were afraid that if it became common knowledge that the laguz lost their powers when having a child with a beorc, there would be another war between the laguz and beorc and they had just promised Ashera there would be 1,000 years without war.

Unfortunately, this led to Branded being treated poorly, and hunted down by laguz for existing.

It also didn't stop the beorc and laguz from warring for that 1,000 years.

Other facts, Ashera waged a war against the goddess Yune, and the three heroes and Lehran fought on Ashera's side, sealing Yune within a medallion. In order to avoid destroying Yune, Ashera agreed to sleep for 1,000 years. If they could avoid waking Yune up within the medallion through war for that 1,000 years, Ashera agreed to not destroy Yune. Ashera gifted Lehran with the ability to sing the galdr of release to wake Yune and Ashera early if the world came to true peace before the 1,000 years had passed.

The Theory

So now that we've got the basics covered, why am I even entertaining this question? Ike and Mist are beorc. Their father, Greil was a beorc. The whole point of Ike's journey in both games is that he is the only beorc able to unite the beorc and laguz and bridge the divide of hate between both. Him being Branded would make that "bridging the divide" thing a little too on the nose. I'd get an F in the creative writing classes I took in college for submitting that kind of story.

However, I left out one person in Ike's immediate family: his mother, Elena.

Now why would I think Elena is maybe Branded? Well. What put this question in my head was Altina being released into Fire Emblem Heroes. Before that, the only image we had of her was this artwork from Radiant Dawn, where she's shrunk down and everything's in a brown scale since it's a flashback sort of image.

But when I saw Altina's art in Heroes, I was struck by how similar she is to Elena.

Now, I grant you, it's not like Elena looks like Altina reborn. Elena's hair is more blue than purple, while Altina's is definitely more purple. Altina's eyes are a darker blue and Elena's are a lighter blue. And yet they are so similar that it put the question to my mind: Is Elena related to Altina?

Another question you may be wondering at this point, even if Elena is somehow related to Altina, what does that have to do with Ike and Mist being Branded?

Well, Altina married and had children with Lehran, a heron laguz who helped Altina, Dheginsea, and Soan stop Yune. The "Fire Emblem" in Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn is known as Lehran's Medallion, the medallion into which Yune was sealed, and glows with blue flames when the spirit of chaos is strongest. Altina and Lehran had the first Branded child, and Lehran lost all of his abilities: transformation, galdrar, being able to hear the voice of the goddess. Instead, their daughter gained some of Lehran's powers: being able to sing the galdr of release, as well as hearing the voice of the goddess. Altina and Lehran's descendants became known as the apostles for having Lehran's abilities, being able to use the warnings they heard from the goddess to protect the country Altina founded, Begnion.

I do, as did my mother… Generation after generation, each apostle has been blessed to hear the voice of the goddess. We know of impending disasters, how crops will fare… All revelations originally intended for you. [...] All of the apostles have borne this brand. It is our greatest secret. Miasha speaking to Lehran, Radiant Dawn, Chapter 4-F-1, Rebirth

But the thing is, these abilities were only passed onto the Branded descendants. While Sanaki is also a descendant of Altina and Lehran, she is not Branded. Micaiah, Sanaki's older sister, is Branded and thus is the apostle.

The apostle of Begnion shall be the firstborn daughter of each generation in the line of Altina, first empress. She will give voice to the goddess. She will pass judgment, give prophecy, and protect her people and their lands. Sanaki, you have never once heard the voice of the goddess, have you? ... No one ever told you about your older sister, did they? She was the true apostle. She died before you were born, assassinated along with Apostle Misaha by the heron clan. So the senate installed you, the second daughter, as the apostle instead. Lekain speaking to Sanaki, Radiant Dawn, Chapter 4-3, Distortions

Therefore, very few descendants of Altina and Lehran are actually "apostles." If there are only sons, or a second daughter, born within a generation, they will be descendants of Altina and Lehran, but they will never be Branded.

Well that's all fine and dandy, but how in the blazes is this related to Ike and Mist? Well, it's more specifically Mist to start with. Mist and Elena are noted to have unusually pure hearts for beorc. The heron laguz, closely tied to order, are able to touch Lehran's Medallion while it contains Yune and be unaffected by the spirit of chaos. However, anyone else who touches it would be possessed by the spirit of chaos and go mad. Greil touching the medallion is what causes him to slaughter the village he was living in and kill Elena as she tried to take the medallion back from him. This ability of Elena and Mist seems to take even Lehran by surprise when Mist takes the medallion in front of him.

A young beorc began coming to the room to care for Lillia. She had bluish hair and blue eyes...And her heart was unusually pure for a beorc. In time, Lillia and she came to be friends, and shared a mutual trust. Reyson, speaking about Elena, Path of Radiance, Chapter 22, Solo

Mist: Ah! Hey! That's my mother's medallion! No one's supposed to see it! Lehran: No, child! You mustn't touch it! Mist: We can't let it get lost. I'll keep it. Lehran: You… You are unchanged? ... Zelgius: What will you do with the medallion? Lehran: The girl seems safe from its influence. We will leave it with her, for the time being. Ike's Memory, Radiant Dawn, Chapter 4-F-2, Rebirth

In addition, at the end of Part 3 of Radiant Dawn, when the spirit of chaos is so great that Yune is about to be broken from from the medallion, those with heron blood are hit especially hard and have to be evacuated from the battlefield as they are falling unconcious.

Tibarn: Reyson collapsed suddenly. I figured I’d take him to a safe place. Nailah: Rafiel fell unconscious as well. I thought I’d let him rest with Leanne. But then I found that she had collapsed too. Radiant Dawn, Chapter 3-F, From Pain, Awakening

Micaiah doesn't fall unconscious on-screen, but she's shown in the prior chapters to be feeling unwell, collapsing, having a headache, unable to use her Branded abilities for how hard the spirit of chaos is afflicting her. In this chapter, she is barely focused on the battle, hearing a voice speaking to her and appearing to be in distress in every conversation she has on the battlefield. She runs off a little before halfway into the battle and we don't see her again until Sanaki is trying to sing the galdr of release to wake Yune from the medallion.

Which makes sense. Too much chaos makes herons ill, as we're told by Reyson in his supports with Ike and Base Conversation in Path of Radiance.

So it's hard for me to be on a battlefield where the air is thick with negative energy. It's…tiring. Ike and Reyson, C Support, Path of Radiance My body should return to normal once the medallion settles down… Don't worry. My will is still strong. I have to confront Ashnard. I have to discover the truth. Ike and Reyson, A Support, Path of Radiance However, this power is only available to us in a calm and peaceful environment. Here, in this desperate maelstrom of chaotic emotion, it avails me not. Energy here is warped and distorted. Base Conversation: Reyson, Path of Radiance, Chapter 22, Solo

But who else is tripping over themselves and falling unconscious when the seal on the medallion is about to break? Mist.

Mist: Ike… My head… It hurts so much… It’s the medallion… Ike: What do you mean? Mist: The medallion is calling out to me… Please, Ike… Take me to the medallion… Ike: Mist! Talk to me! Wake up, please! Radiant Dawn, Chapter 3-F, From Pain, Awakening

Not only is she falling unconscious, she's hearing Yune's voice. Yune specifically picks Mist to talk to because she's filled with order like the herons, but more able to withstand being in the presence of Yune's chaos than a heron is.

We know of exactly one other person who does not take to chaos well, Ranulf, and he's not mentioned at all in these chapters. We know Ranulf is tied to order because he says it in a few different ways.

The closer we get to the capital, the more the Daein king starts to worry me. Well, I suppose it's more the medallion than the man… At any rate, all this negative energy is making my hair stand up on end. It's hard to focus… Ike and Ranulf, A Support, Path of Radiance

Ranulf: I didn’t mean that I’m losing motivation to save the petrified people. It’s just that, before we started talking about it, I was feeling…complacent. Is it just me? Tibarn: The spirit of order is hanging heavy across the land. When we fight, we get a dose of chaos, which may help us get back in touch with our true selves. If our enemy has also figured that out, it might explain why they’re staying away. Radiant Dawn, Chapter 4-2, A Silent World

The extended script goes into a bit more detail, where Reyson agrees with Ranulf and Tibarn says that those who are more aligned with order will be more calm in the world made still by Ashera. Raw Japanese text is below, but you can also read the translation done by amielleon.

[ライ] 仲間を救うって気持ちを 薄れさせたつもりはなかったんですけど… 意識しないうちに、自分たちが 間違ってるって気になってましたね。 [リュシオン] 私もだ…どうしてだろう…… [ティバーン] 【正】の気が強い奴ほど、 この世界に取り込まれやすいようだな。 自分にその気がなくても いつの間にか順応しちまってる。 …だから、ここで一度戦って 多少なり【負】を入れたいとこなんだが… 相手もそれを読んでるのか、 肝心の敵が近づいて来ねえ。 Radiant Dawn, Chapter 4-2, A Silent World, Hard Mode+

And yet, Ranulf doesn't fall unconscious with the herons and Mist. He isn't shown to be made ill from the spirit of Chaos as the herons, Micaiah, and Mist are.

Mist is also shown to hear the chime in Serenes Forest, a sound so faint that only laguz are able to hear it.

Mist: Did you…hear a sound just now? Ike: Huh? No, I didn't. Mist: Really? I guess it was just me then. Lethe: That sound you heard, was it high-pitched, like the chiming of a bell? Mist: Ah! Yes, it was! That's it exactly! Mordecai: I heard it, too. It was very beautiful. Ike: I didn't hear a thing. Lethe: It created only a slight disturbance in the air. It could only be heard by those possessed of extraordinary hearing… So, your sister's hearing is on par with that of the laguz. Mist: Wow! Did you hear that? Neat! Ike: Don't let it go to your head. A sound that beorc can't hear…Hmm… That's interesting. Path of Radiance, Day Breaks, Part 1

So Mist is Branded? Well, not really. I'm not making that argument. However, I am making the argument that, like Elena, she bears some traits of the heron blood she has inherited from Lehran down the line from the non-Branded descendants of Lehran and Altina. Or, I think, that's how she was designed in the early development of the game.

In the Tellius Recollections Vol. 1 Artbook, they released a lot of the early design notes and art that they used when making the games, with ideas that appear in the final game and some that were cut. One such piece of information is a chart on laguz and Branded aging with an introduction by a Begnion noble. Now, in my post on laguz and branded aging, I decided that this chart was a piece of early development information that was more than likely cut out of the wolrd building because it implies that as time goes on, the Branded will be more and more like beorc and less and less like laguz, while in the games, no matter how many generations there are, the effects of the laguz blood never fades when the child has the brand.

You can view a translation of the page done by VincentASM here, but the relevant excerpt is below:

As shown, a union with the dragon tribe will dilute the lifespan to 3 times. In the future, if mixing of blood becomes more wide-spread, we can predict that the lfespans of the Branded will edge closer to the Beorc. Whether a day like that iwll come remains to be seen.

Now, again, while I don't think it's how Branded aging works, I think, in early development, Elena was planned to be some distant relation to Lehran and Altina, but the heron blood is so diluted in her, she is pretty much a normal beorc and only has the "unusual" trait of a heart tied to Order as much as a heron. This being what allows her to hold the medallion and gain Lillia's trust. And Mist inherits this "unusual purity of heart" that Elena had.

So what about Ike? Well, Ike cannot hold the medallion safely, he loves fighting, and so if Elena inherited a "purity of heart" from some distant heron ancestor, Ike certainly did not get it from her. However, Ike is shown to have a few (non-heron) laguz traits.

Mist: Seasick? You're such a bad liar. You never even get regular sick. You're not the type to get seasick! Mist about Ike, Path of Radiance, Chapter 12, A Strange Land

Ranulf: Everyone's doing great. We laguz don't take ill too easily, so it's hard not to be "well." Radiant Dawn, Chapter 1-P, The Great Advance

Lethe: Us beasts have a healthy appetite, of course. On top of that, we have General Skrimir and Ike. …Yeah. I’d be surprised if what’s here lasted past those two, much less a whole pack of laguz. Titania: Tsk, you’re exaggerating! Ike is a beorc. He couldn’t possibly eat as much as someone from the beast tribe. Well, maybe he would. Actually… He most definitely would. Base Conversation: Feast or Famine, Chapter 1-P, The Great Advance

So, yeah, if you squint, we could add this to my teetering Jenga tower of evidence, but, since Ike is shown to love meat and hate fruits, whereas herons can only eat fruits, I admit this evidence is a stretch. The herons are only shown getting ill from the chaos of battle, so I don't know if they also don't get "regular sick."

Of course, Ike is not the first born daughter, like Mist is, so he might not inherit the "special" heron traits from the bloodline, like Elena and Mist have.

My best evidence for Ike being related to Altina comes from the swords Ragnell and Alondite. These are the holy swords that were blessed by Ashera for Altina to use against Yune, Yune mentions both swords "calling" out to Ike in the endgame, that they belong with him.

Yune: The holy sword Alondite… It's the counterpart to your sword, Ragnell. I think it wants you to take it up. Radiant Dawn, Chapter 4-F-2, Rebirth

Yune: Ike, there’s a certain affinity between a weapon and its bearer. Ragnell is clearly ideal for you. You can feel it can’t you? Radiant Dawn, Chapter 4-F-3, Rebirth

Ike taking up Alondite, and thus having both swords, is what breaks the seal on his memories that Lehran put into place to protect Ike from the trauma of having watched his father slaughter the village and kill his mother. Why does Alondite do this? I haven't the foggiest. But anyway, the swords call out to Ike and both want to be wielded by Ike. Both swords were closely tied to Altina, so if Ike is related to Altina it makes more sense that the swords would call out to him, who has inherited her warrior spirit. But, you know, your mileage may vary.

Whether or not that was kept in the final release of the games, I couldn't say. I know Ike is well beloved in the games because he's an apparent nobody, no lordship, not secretly royal, and he fights and gains renown because of his character, although this is immediately debunked by his father previously holding the title of general before Ashnard severed the tie between being nobleborn and being able to be a general, but eh, whatever.

At the end of the day, I think it wouldn't be well received by the fans at large if he turned out to be secretly, albeit distantly, related to Sanaki and Micaiah, and I think the developers knew this going into Radiant Dawn, after seeing how Path of Radiance was received by the fans. I strongly feel that even if this had been their plan from the beginning, they cut it out when making Radiant Dawn to keep Ike as the fans love him: just an average mercenary.

That being said, I kind of like the idea of Ike being related to Altina because Altina and Lehran (and Dheginsea and Soan) made a huge mess of things when they concealed the Branded from the world and falsely proclaimed that laguz and beorc relationships were a sin against the goddess, so I like the idea that all of their descendants (Ike, Soren, Micaiah, and Stefan) are the ones who clear the air and right the wrongs of their ancestors. Ike by becoming the Radiant Hero, Soren for being the strategist that ensures Ike's victory, Micaiah for being the new apostle, and Stefan for making Yune first aware of the terrible way the Branded have been treated. I like the idea that each of the heroes that defeated Yune: Altina, Soan, Dheginsea, and Lehran all have representatives in Ike, Stefan, Soren, and Micaiah that can be brought into that final battle to now help Yune defeat Ashera and set things right (despite how hard they shafted Stefan in RD).

I also like the idea of Soan's descendant, Stefan, teaching Altina's descendant, Ike, and being the one who helps Ike learn Aether.

But if you don't like it, well, it's not canon, and I also totally get why. I like Ike being just a guy. I like that story too. I don't think that story's perfectly executed if that was the developer's intent, but I like it. Everything I have presented here is a teetering Jenga pile of could be evidence that ultimately means nothing, except in my heart, so you don't have to spare it another thought if you don't like the concept.

[localgardenweed]

Omg I kinda wanna be your friend so bad because:

-I too am a Japan Self-shipper

-I am also a Osomatsu fan and to a lesser extent Toilet Bound Hanako-kun, way of the house husband, Code name kids next door

-You are a great artist!

-You seem fun, funny and friendly!

-I am pretty sure we have the same pronouns lol! I think I have a different preference order though

Reasons why I am unsure and nervous:

-I am just shy

-I have only two friends and haven't made friends in years, I think I have forgotten how

-I have low self confidence and feel like I might be a bad person

-You are a great artist and I should be better at art by now (in general not better than you, I am still at the stage where it is hard to grasp what I am drawing)

-I just realized you are under 18 and I am way older than you. I much rather keep you safe and make sure you feel safe. I honestly, am not sure if it is OK to even write this.

Spinning around the room of my brain rn squealing and jumping up and down. It’s completely fair why you’re a little hesitant, and also like good job being like “maybe its a little unsafe being friends with a minor as a older person” like dont mind interacting i love chatting so dont ever feel you need to block yourself im ok with the casual talk but yeah sometimes i get scared of much older people when we talk like more often and not once in a while IM SCARED OF ADULTS (Basically anyone older than 25) AND IM ALMOST A ADULT THATS SCARY IMMA BE THE VILLAIN I AM THE ENEMY. Ask in 5 to 10 years then we can talk and be besties for life

I have a little sneaking feeling who you are i check who likes and reblogs my stuff its how i keep the dnis out of my space, and dont worry if your art isn’t “as good” as it should be man, it takes time takes work and sometimes it may not work out but that doesn’t mean its shitty or not worth anything, as long as it makes you happy what else matters, improve cause you want to mot cause you should. Everyone starts drawing like for realsies and not just the occasional at different points, i started like taking art seriously like in 3rd grade maybe 1st grade idk blurry but i got alot of years under my belt already and still so much more man. We all have our strengths and weaknesses in art like realism, could never do it. And thats okay

Build up that self confidence, dont feel the need to rush it cause that too takes time! You need to know you’re awesome sauce and if you really feel you’re a bad person, take some time to think and ask why you think you are and how you can fix it, like REALLY think about it not a “i forgot to say thank you to the barista i am a monster” no you just made a mistake and forgot smth you arent horrible you’re fine. If you threw the boiling hot cup of coffee at the barista for using cow milk instead of goat milk thats a problem, fix that, get some help.

Sorry if this like a jumbled mess too i wrote this when i originally got it then came back to it later after brain farting and life busy but now i have finally finished my epic rant i hope this was acceptable sorry if this sucked major ass

[youngbeezer]

hi!! can I please request something?

going to a lake house, maybe friends to lovers with bowen byram?

thank you! 💗.

A/N: HI IM SO SORRY THIS LITERALLY TOOK 4 EVER!!! i was having such bad writer's block with also zero motivation, but i eventually put a little something together and i hope whoever requested this first off actually sees this bc seriously its been a good month of this sitting in my inbox but also i hope you like it :)

Word Count: 2940

Warning(s): kinda angsty in beginning, curse words, ends fluffy !!!

masterlist || join my taglist

These next few days is either going to turn out to be the best week of the summer, or the most awkward week of the summer...

I’m currently stuck in a car surrounded by couples on our way to a lake house in Colorado. Somehow I ended up being lumped into this chaotic group of professional hockey players and their drop-dead gorgeous significant others.

About a year ago at my local salon, I just so happened to be seated right next to a woman named Grace, who I immediately hit it off with. We became fast friends and are now basically inseparable at this point. Her boyfriend just so happens to play hockey for the Colorado Avalanche, Cale Makar. Now I have also grown quite close with Cale as well, since I am always at their shared apartment for Grace. At this point Cale is basically third wheeling us, instead of it being the other way around. Therefore I was also always invited to team parties and get-togethers, which prompted more friendships with most of the guys on the team and their respective partners.

Someone I have surprisingly grown super close with is Bowen Byram. As soon as Cale introduced us two, his blue eyes and raspy voice immediately drew me in. Straight away we bonded over common interests and that night we talked for almost three hours. After that, we were thick as thieves. So thick that recently I have come to the realization that I have caught major feelings for him along the way.

It has only been a few weeks since I have come to this realization and it has already started to affect our relationship. I definitely started to ignore Bowen a little bit when I first figured out my feelings because I was scared he would somehow find out or I would just end up blurting it out at some point. And the last thing I want is for my silly feelings to ruin such a great friendship.

Thus why this week can either turn out to be the best or the worst.

I’ve decided that at some point during this trip I need to confess my feelings for Bowen. He’s also seemed to notice the shift in my attitude towards him. I have become more closed off and not as touchy as we used to be. Bowen and I are both very touchy/feely types of people. So what seemed like just some harmless cuddling and play wrestling with each other, to me did very little to quell down my feelings.

For example, this morning when we were packing up the cars for the trip a group of us are taking to Tyson Jost’s lakehouse, Bowen went to wrap his arms around my middle from the back and I subconsciously flinched away at his touch. I know he definitely noticed my mood shift from the defiant pout that was resting on his face. After that I did what I do best, and ran away to the other car that was driving up and basically begged Nate to switch seats with me.

Which now leads to my current thoughts. The entire car ride up I have been contemplating on ways I could tell him, but each scenario just ended up with him telling me that he doesn’t feel the same, and our friendship essentially being over. Obviously I was just overthinking just a little, but I’ve never been stuck in a situation like this before-- and now we are going to be stuck in a lake house together for an entire week, so I am going to be forced to face this situation whether I want to or not.

“Yo. Earth to y/n?” Tyson draws, trying to gain my attention. I snap out of my thoughts as soon as I hear my name, and bring my gaze to the rearview mirror to meet Tyson’s questioning look. “We’re here.” He announces.

Susanna, Mikko’s girlfriend, adds on, “You alright? You seemed kind of out of it the entire car ride.”

I shake my head to try and clear my thoughts and notice that we are indeed here at the lake house we will be staying at for the next week. I clear my dried up throat before croaking out a weak, “Yeah, I’m fine. Just don’t like long car rides.”

Both of them nod, content with my answer and exit the car to join Mikko in unloading all of the luggage from the trunk. I take a few more moments to fully get my head together after dealing with all my jumbled thoughts throughout the entire three hour car ride.

Jumping out of the car, the first thing I see is Bowen letting out a yawn and stretching out. As his arms raise over his head, some of his shirt rises up with it and immediately my eyes are drawn to the small portion of skin and v-line that is in front of me. Bowen then notices my presence and makes eye contact with me, giving me one of his adorable little smiles. I advert my gaze as quickly as I can so my obvious ogling isn’t as obvious and go to finally retrieve my luggage.

Yeah this was gonna be a long week.

…

After everyone got pretty much all settled into their rooms, we all ended up coming back together to sit around the firepit to chat and enjoy some drinks. For this trip that Tyson orchestrated there are in total ten people staying in the house. Me, Tyson, obviously since it’s his house; Bowen, Cale, Grace, Alex Newhook, Mikko and his girlfriend Susanna, and lastly Nate and his supposed new girl who will be joining us later on in the week.

Apparently a group of the guys and their partners have been taking trips together at the end of the hockey season for a while now, and since growing closer with the team this year, I graciously got an invite.

Since it was getting later and a little bit more chilly, I grabbed a random sweatshirt that I saw already laying around in the living room before making my way outside to join everyone by the firepit. Getting closer I noticed that the only seat available just so happened to be next to Bowen.

Cale and Grace give each other a not so inconspicuous knowing look when they see me approaching. As soon as I sit down, a question is being thrown at me.

“Whose sweatshirt is that y/n?” Cale brings everyone's attention to me with a growing smirk on his face.

“I don’t know, I just found it in the living room.” I give Cale a questioning glare, trying to figure what his endgame is right now.

“It’s mine.” I hear that same raspy voice that I love and know so well. I feel my face start heating up at the idea of wearing Bowen’s sweatshirt. Am I wearing his name on my back right now, and I just didn’t even think to check earlier?

“Oh, uh. Sorry, I can give it back to you, if you want it.” I stumble out, now feeling awkward and a little embarrassed about how flustered I am getting over a simple sweatshirt.

Bowen gives me a little smile before replying back, “Nah, it’s fine. It looks better on you anyway.”

I clear my throat and stumble out an awkward ‘thanks’ at Bowen and then turn my attention to Grace right next to me so I don’t embarrass myself even more. What I don’t see though is the way Bowen's face immediately falls when I turn my back on him.

…

Around midnight is when everyone started to make their way back inside the house to start getting ready for bed. I was mindlessly scrolling through my social media, so I didn’t notice that mostly everyone had already gone inside.

“Y/n.” I look up at the mention of my name to notice that Bowen and I are the only ones left outside.

Also noticing the intense gaze I am receiving from Bowen, I quickly gather my things and stumble out, “Oh my gosh I didn’t notice everyone left already. I should head inside as well.”

Bowen is quicker though because he grabs ahold of my wrist, halting me in place before I make my very obvious escape.

“Hold on, please. Can you please talk to me?” Bowen pleads out.

“What do you mean? We’ve been talking all night.” I countered, trying one last time to get out of this conversation.

“We’ve been talking as a group all night yeah, but you couldn’t even make eye contact with me. You know what I mean. What’s been going on? Did I do something?” Bowen frowned.

At that moment I felt so guilty. I’ve been so focused on trying to ignore my feelings that I have developed that I ended up pushing my best friend away and hurting him in the process. I close my eyes and let out a deep breath. I knew I would eventually have to have this talk with Bowen during this week, but I just didn’t expect it to be on the very first night.

“Okay. Yeah, let’s talk.”

I lead the way down to the dock overlooking the lake and sit down to dangle my feet into the water. I know for a fact that Grace and Cale realized that we both haven’t come in behind them, so they are most likely snooping by the backdoor wondering what we are doing.

Bowen joins me, after slipping his shoes off and dangling his feet in as well.

“What’s been going on y/n?” Bowen asks again.

“I-I think I’m in love with you.” I blurt out. I can feel my heartbeat pounding in my ears as I await any type of response from Bowen. Taking a peek over at him, I see the pure shock on his face. Probably wasn’t the best idea to start off the conversation with that.

Taking his silence as a bad sign, I start spewing out whatever I can to try and calm the anxiety coursing through my veins. “I-I think I have known for a while and I just tried to ignore it, I guess. But then I realized that I was just pushing you away, an-and I never wanted to do that. Our friendship means that absolute world to me, and I would hate myself if anything I did, or-or my stupid feelings jeaporized that.” At some point during my little rant, a few tears escaped. I turn my head away as I try to hold back on a full on sob breaking loose.

“You think?” He eventually breaks the silence.

Confusedly, I turned my head back around and let out a strangled, “Huh?” I see the corners of Bowen’s mouth start curving up into a tiny smile, confusing me even more.

“You said, you think you’re in love with me.” He pointed out.

My eyebrows raise in question and I give him a little shrug, prompting him to elaborate more.

“Well… I’m pretty damn sure I’m in love with you.” Bowen softly declared.

My breath catches in my throat and my mouth turns as dry as the Sahara Desert. Those were definitely not the words I was expecting to come out of his mouth. He chuckles at my surprised face and scooches a little closer to my body to wipe a stray tear on my cheek.

“Are you serious?” I whisper out.

“Of course.” He whispered just as softly back to me as his head inched closer to mine.

My heart pounds in my chest as Bowen’s hand comes up to cradle my cheek. All of our pent up feelings and emotions that we both have been too afraid to admit all come crashing together as our lips finally meet. He kissed me gently, almost carefully, but after all this time gentleness was not what I wanted right now. Bowen let out a low groan as I pulled him flush against my body, my fists bunching up the collar of his shirt.

Before this could go any further, we both pull away breathlessly, basking in what truly just happened-- just now realizing how much our relationship is about to change.

“Fuck.” Bowen breathed out, running his hands over his face. “If I knew that was what it was like to kiss you I would’ve blurted out my feelings the day I met you.”

My ears perk up at his last few words and it seems like he also realizes what he just admitted, as his cheeks immediately turn a rosy color.

“You’ve liked me for that long?” I bashfully question.

Bowen runs his fingers through his hair and blows out a breath of air before answering, “Yeah, I-I mean… yeah I have.” He stumbles out, awkwardly letting out a laugh.

I lean my head on his shoulder and connect our hands, feeling super content and never wanting this moment to end. We take a moment to just sit on the dock-- with our feet hanging in the water, hands intertwined; and bask in the feeling of finally letting our feelings out into the open.

“You know everyone in that house is going to have a field day when they find out.” Bowen mumbles against my shoulder, before leaving a lingering kiss on the exposed skin.

“Oh I wouldn’t be surprised if they all had a bet going or something.” I chimed. I raise my head that had previously been resting on Bowen’s shoulder back up to look at him, and see that he is already smiling at me. “What?” I drawled, feeling my cheeks heating up under his gaze.

“You wanna sleep in my bed tonight?” He asked hesitantly.

My cheeks now feel on fire as I ponder on how I want to go about this. I raise my eyebrows up at him in question as I ponder out, “Do you want me in your bed tonight?”

Bowen gives me an almost incredulous look as he voiced, “Of course I want you in my bed.”

I just give him a simple nod and push my body up in a standing position, reaching out my hand to prompt Bowen to join me. “Okay, let’s go.”

Bowen immediately shoots up from his sitting position, clinging onto my hand as we make our way back up the yard to the sliding glass doors of the lake house. Just as I predicted earlier, Cale and Grace were totally snooping. Actually, the entire house was snooping. Everyone was gathered in the kitchen trying to act casual as we walked in, but as soon as they noticed our conjoined hands, all hell broke loose.

“I fucking knew it!”

“Aw you guys look so cute.”

“Bout time.”

“Ha! Nate, you owe me fifty bucks.”

I looked over at Bowen with an unimpressed look, “Told you they probably had a bet going on.” Meanwhile Bowen has an incredulous look coating his face watching his friends freak out over his newfound relationship. Instead of questioning our oddball friends, Bowen just simply shakes his head, letting out a little chuckle.

“Alright I’m heading up, I can’t deal with these idiots right now.” Bowen gives me a quick peck on the lips before announcing his departure for the night. Most of the others also start making their way up to their respective rooms for bed, the guys putting on a show of making kissy noises and making a few chirps as they follow Bowen up the stairs.

Grace joins me by the counter, making a show of wiggling her eyebrows at me. I’m smiling like an idiot as Cale also joins us, chuckling at my lovesick expression.

“You’re welcome.” Cale smirked.

I scrunch my face up in confusion as I question him back, “For what?”

“For introducing you two, duh.” Cale teased. Grace smacks him on the arm with a tut, making a show of rolling her eyes at her boyfriend. “Alright, seriously I am happy for you guys though.” He eventually relents.

My cheeks heat up from the attention but also from the thought of Bowen and I’s new relationship. Grace grabs me by the shoulders and starts pushing me in the direction of the staircase.

“Obviously I’m happy for you too. All I’ve wanted is the best for you and I think Bowen is just that. And with that being said, go get your mans!” She sends me off with a quick smack on my ass. I giggle the whole way up the stairs on the way into Bowen’s [now our] room feeling extremely giddy and content.

When I enter the room, all the lights except for the bathroom are already off, and it looks like Bowen is already settled into bed. So, I quickly do my night time routine and change into my pajamas before making my way over to the bed I will now be sharing for the week.

Bowen is awaiting me with his arms wide open, which I happily cuddle into the second I am under the covers. He buries his head into my neck, leaving featherlight kisses here and there.

“I love you.” Bowen mumbles into my neck. I card my fingers through his hair and kiss the top of his head as I mumble back those same words, in complete awe over how fast my life has changed in one night. We both knew that we would eventually be together, it just took a little time and a trip to Tyson Jost’s lakehouse for us to figure it out. This week will definitely be one for the books.

Taglist: @barzysandmarnersbitch @handwrittenheroes @hockeyplayerstories @barzy-xoxo @gnemgn @joelsfarabees

Tagging some mutuals as well so this doesnt flop,,,

@2manytabsopen @bb-nhlqueen7 @frederikanderson @simon-edvinsson @coltonndach @carepriceisgoodathockey @lovereadinghockeyy @pettypeteys @kentjohnsons @joekellys @mattybenierss

[captain-yeet]

A Beautiful Way To Die

Pairing: Heidi x Fem!Reader

Summary; When you thought of death or the possibility of you dying, you never seriously considered the possibility of dying at the hands of a gorgeous vampire.

Word count: 1.7k

Warnings: swearing, Heidi accidentally being creepy give her a break she's new to interacting with mortals and NOT eating them

Author's note: I've been wanting to write about Heidi for a while now because her character, even though we got so very little of it is fascinating (again thanks smeyer for making your side characters more interesting than the main ones). Also, am a simple gay.

Arising from your jet-lagged slumber, you'd hoped the beautiful blue, sunny skies you enjoyed yesterday would still be there. Sadly, your luck was out the window along with the welcoming warm weather.

You'd travelled to Italy with the intention of finally getting out into the world and having the freedom to explore and go your own path. Looking online for travel destinations was both a struggle and exciting! "Where should I go?" you wondered while scrolling through all your proposed options. None caught your eye until you landed on one listing;

Enjoy an enriching, quaint experience in the city of Volterra!

Nestled in the country hillsides of Italy, Volterra has a host of activities for you to enjoy, from historical site tours and many shopping locales, bars and more. From the Palazzo di Priori to the Volterra Cathedral... Come, and lose yourself in a city who's architecture is frozen in time.

You wandered the town, taking in the sites of all the old buildings around you. Even with the clouded sky above your head, Volterra was still a breathtaking place.

After an hour of wandering you came to a stop in the Palazzo, plopping down to sit by the large fountain. Hands resting under your chin, you entered a blissful, happy daydream.

Sighing dreamily, you let your eyes close.

You didn't notice the woman watching you attentively.

Heidi had been tasked with finding more humans to feed the guards and the masters themselves, her own hunger growing more ravenous by the day. She'd managed to lure in a few stray helpless tourists, but she still needed just a few more.

Striding through the streets with confidence, she halted as a sudden alluring scent hit her like wave. Mouth pooling with venomous saliva, she held in an instinctive growl. Where is that scent coming from? More so... who?

Following the mouthwatering aroma, she let herself be guided through the cobblestone streets of Volterra, the beast within her growling with glee as she got closer and closer to the human. Heidi had had many victims, many catches that she's reeled in from her "fishing" that have satisfied her, but none that made her yearn for blood more so than whoever it was that smelt like this.

She found herself in the Palazzo, her eyes desperately scanning every face, every scent of anyone who was nearby. She needed to know which it was.

Taking in another deep breath through her nose, the scent hit her again, and she found the poor helpless human.

A woman, who smelt better than anything she'd ever had before. Heidi sunk into the shadows of a nearby alley and studied you. You were plain, simple clothes and your eyes were currently closed as you enjoyed some blissful daydream. Her throat burned with thirst by this point, and as she watched you... something else began to grow.

Curiosity, was it? Heidi couldn't put her finger on it. Letting out an unnecessary huff, she decided to approach. I'll make sure to let Felix and Demetri know that this snack is strictly mine alone. Heidi put on her best smile and sauntered over to the human.

 “Pardon me, Miss?” a smooth voice called your attention away from your daydreaming. 

You jump in surprise as you turn your attention to the source of the voice that startled you. The owner of the voice was equally startling; her beauty blinded you, as she stood directly in front of the faint rays of sunlight you swore she was literally shining. The red dress she wore clung nicely to her body, an off the shoulder piece that only highlighted her best assets. Violet eyes gazed at you curiously, flicking from the art book open in your lap to your face. 

If angels were real, you’d believe this woman was one.

Unbeknownst to you, but the shock went both ways. Now that she was face-to-face with you, Heidi’s painted red lips had parted, an inaudible gasp to your ears escaping them.

A pull she had never experienced before took hold of the vampire. She needed to be near you - not just in the hunger sense, but more of a “If I am separated from this woman for any reason I will rip someone’s arm off” kind of way. At least, that is how Heidi would describe it.

Trying to shake herself out of her jumbled train of thought, she flashed you a quick smile, savouring the way it made your heart stutter. “I couldn’t help but notice you sitting here, are you new to Volterra?”

You nodded, gently smiling at the pretty woman. “I am, just passing through on my way to Venice.”

Heidi giggled. "Venice? That's quite the destination. And what brings you to Volterra?"

"I'm going on a tour here before I leave for Venice," you explained, none the wiser to the sudden shift in Heidi's demeanor. "I needed a place to stay since it was such a long trip, and..."

"What tour, if you don't mind my asking?"

You blinked. The woman was now very serious, the playful almost-flirtatious air about her gone. "In there, actually," you reply, pointing to the castle-like cathedral just behind her.

"I see."

Shit. Shit, shit, fuck! A string of curse words swam in Heidi's head in multiple languages. She can't go in there! But she's booked already, they'll be expecting her and we don't often get cancellations and if we do -

"I'm sorry, is there a problem?" You ask, growing more confused by the pretty lady as the seconds went by.

"Ah, hello Heidi."

You both turn your head to the rather tall man who had appeared at Heidi's side. He was quite the looker - very tall, heavy build and looked like he could break you in half with one hand.

"Felix, what are you doing here?" The woman - Heidi - says to her companion with an airy smile.

You didn't fail to notice the sharp look she had in her eyes.

"Just roaming about the city is all," the man replied coolly, a grin on his face that faltered into a curious smile when his gaze shifted to you. “And who might this lovely lady be? Perhaps a tour guest of the castle?”

With a laugh, Heidi linked her arm into Felix’s bicep, her fingernails digging deep into his arm. Under his breath Felix hissed and looked at Heidi with wide, confused eyes but she kept her airy exterior up perfectly.

 “Our tour bookings are full, Felix,” she said pointedly.

You looked on at the exchange feeling lost. There seemed to be some animosity between the two but why? You didn’t know. Maybe they were exes.

 “I see.” A thin, curt smile replaced his cocky grin from just moments ago. “Well then, I’ll meet up with you later. We’ll talk more then.” 

As the man left, Heidi left out a small huff and then turned back toward you, her brilliant smile bewitching you again. "Forgive him, he's always prowling during the tours for pretty young women to bore to death with his rants about his hobbies."

You giggled, grinning back at her. "I'll be sure to try and stay off his radar when tomorrow's tour begins."

Tomorrow's tour, Heidi's thoughts echoed your words. So she's coming in on that tour. Keeping her composure cool, she tilted her head down and gazed at you from beneath her eyelashes. Seduction tactics, only this time she was trying to steer her prey away. "Please beautiful, I want you to listen to me very closely."

Frowning at her sudden serious nature, you began to stand up from where you were perched, listening intently.

"Volterra has a lot to offer tourists, many fascinating sites to see. Our cathedral however... don't come. Please," she pleaded, her voice low and silky, "find somewhere else to go sight seeing."

You froze mid-way through putting away your art book. Her serious tone and the look in her eyes... something about the look in her eyes sent a chill down your spine. "I - I'll consider it."

The corner of Heidi's mouth twitched. She then straightened herself up and the deadly serious disposition left as quickly as it had appeared, the friendly seductress returning once more. "Well, I suppose all I can do is steer you away," she chuckled, more to herself.

You smiled politely back, your eyes flickering to your surroundings briefly. As you took in how the sky had gone much darker than it was before, you gasped. "Oh damn, it looks like its going to rain!"

Sure enough, as soon as the word "rain" left your lips, Heidi felt a droplet from the sky land on her cheek.

"I had better get going, it was really nice meeting you!" You began saying your farewells to the beautiful lady, pulling your backpack hastily up onto your back. You didn't want to get potentially drenched in the downpour.

"Wait!"

Ice gripped your wrist abruptly, sending a shock up your arm and making a surprised gasp escape your lips. The fuck?

Oh.

Heidi had grabbed your wrist. She must have some bad circulation, you vaguely thought to yourself.

"I never got your name." The word were desperate, to Heidi pitiful even.

"It's Y/N," you breathed, taken back by Heidi's behavior.

She let go of your wrist, a half smile appearing. "Y/N," she repeated, your name leaving her mouth - in your mind anyway - almost reverently. "Beautiful name, cara mia... anyway, we should head our separate ways! The rain is sure to stat pouring any moment now."

You hummed in agreement, internally trying to shake yourself out of the stupor you now found yourself in. God damn, this woman... help. She's pretty. So pretty. I am very gay.

"It was nice meeting you, Heidi. Maybe I'll see you around?" You offered with a hopeful smile, trying to shut out your internal screaming.

As you quickly walked away, Heidi carefully breathed in after holding her breath. The air stung her throat, your scent, your blood, making her moan wantonly.

She only hoped for two things; one, that she would get the pleasure of seeing your exquisite face again, and secondly and most importantly, that you would heed her warning not to come to the Volterra Cathedral tour tomorrow.

[alikat7]

Just a thought. And please don't attack me because I had an opinion.

When Game of Thrones was on it seemed like all of the fans supported one character by tearing down another. Like Sansa and Arya fans tore down the other character. Then it eventually turned into hate against the celebrities. Sophie Turner even got bullied on social media when she was like 14 for something her character did in the book, not the show!! It seemed to mostly happen among female fans on Tumblr (more female users) And ships! Ships are probably the biggest topic to fight about.

I see it so much in the Marvel fandom on here. Like people get so vicious!! Now before anyone points out that it's always been that way, I know it has. But as long as there have been fandoms and ships online, can't we evolve at some point? Can't we like one character or celebrity without trashing another.

I made a post yesterday bitching about how the press treated one of three Marvel celebrities. I didn't bash any of them, only complained about the press. I got a couple of responses that seemed to be offended on behalf of one of the celebrities. I pointed out that my complaint was with the press.

There is no need to hate on another ship, celeb or character just because of your strong feelings for another. I don't write slash (I have nothing against it, it just isn't my style) but half my friends on here are Stucky or SamBucky shippers. And that's fine. I can see the argument for both. hell I am a WinterWitch supporter and I don't think they have spoken to each other on screen. You like who you like. I have a "You do you" attitude when it comes to ships. I don't judge people by their ship. I judge then by their actions.

Also can we stop blaming the actor for their character's actions and vice versa?

Honestly, it seems like some people take it upon themselves to be pissed off, offended, and on their morale high horse as a full time job. Take it from this old lady, there is no trophy for supporting a cause by starting fights and bitching on social media. If you have time to argue non-stop on SM to support social causes, you have time to volunteer to actually do some good. There is also no crown for being the most belittling person. Stop tearing celebrities and fans down to make yourself look better. Most of the time you just look like a bully.

Not every comment celebrities say is racist, sexist, homophobic, misogynistic, etc. If everything you said and did was being watched, I guarantee that you would mess up sometimes. I mis-speak all the time. It doesn't mean I believe a certain bad things. It means words got jumbled in my head and came out of my mouth wrong. I have also called my dog by my son's name. It happens! Can we just start accepting people(celebrities are people too) as flawed humans and stop trying to find a reason to get a stick up our asses and justify the hate we already felt??

Well this turned into a bigger rant then expected. So sorry lol

[fiction-in-my-blood]

Obey Me! Brothers W/ Mentally Slow MC HC

~Longer than necessary A/N ahead so, if you don’t care, you don’t need to read it, just sharing stuff about myself to random strangers on the internet lol.~

So... I’m slow. Like, my brain just does not computer things quick enough a majority of the time? I’m not a great conversationalist because of it, I have a pretty bad stammer, I mix up names even though they don’t sound at all the same, and I get too excited when I do know something that when I try to say it its just a jumble of words that don’t make sense and I tell my friends to just forget about it because I know I won’t be able to say the right words lol. Luckily I have great friends and they give me the time to rethink my sentence so I can say what I want to say. Oh, and I daydream to the point I never dream in my sleep haha. So, this is basically an HC for me lol. That being said, I’m pulling from mostly my own experiences here, so I’m sorry if they sound a lil depressy haha. 

And I would like to say, if anyone can relate, there’s literally nothing wrong with you!!! (Cannot stress this enough). We just have our fun lil quirks.

~Also, I’m so sorry for missing out on Belphie. I love him somuch but I could not think of a scenario for him. If I do in the future I’ll edit or reupload idk.~

~Oh, and @theshove , I finally posted again ;), although I’m sure it’s not gonna be as spicy as you’d like.~

Warnings: Descriptive explanation of a panic attack in Mammon’s HC, reference to bullying in Satan’s

~~~~~~

Lucifer:

At first, he was secretly pretty frustrated.

He thought it was a confidence issue, he heard that was a common thing in human youth, to not believe in yourself and have anxiety about the way you looked, spoke, sounded. 

You would often be having conversations with his brothers, debating a subject that Lucifer took no interest in, and you would be about to put in your input when a stream of nonsense passed your lips.

“Y’know what, nevermind.” Was a frequent phrase that left your lips when you did slip up, sighing to yourself as you thought about how ridiculous you just sounded. 

Lucifer would ensure none of the brothers, or Solomon, ever teased you about your mistakes.

Although, it was mortifying everytime you accidentally called him Levi, and vice versa. 

It was hard enough when you were still getting to know the brothers, but even on a date with the eldest, Levi just seemed like an easier word to say in the moment. It led to a few upsetting misunderstandings and some pretty severe punches to Lucifer’s pride.

Once you two got closer, you explained you mixed up your words because you used to be practically mute.

You weren’t a particularly extroverted child, nor were you interested in much, so you hardly spoke at all. You never got the practice you needed to familiarise yourself with words. It was Devildom that really brought them out of you.

After you did share that with him, he thrived off hearing your voice, even when it took a solid ten seconds to contemplate what you needed to say, even stretching your mouth muscles before you started just in case you stumbled again.

Of course, you made your mistakes now and again, got stuck on a word, laughing at how ridiculous you sounded saying ‘in’ several times in a row when you were trying to argue over tonight’s dinner, but Lucifer never cracked a joke like you did about yourself. 

He smiled, happy that you didn’t let this impact your personality and recovered quickly and, gradually, at snail's pace it felt like at the time, you could hold a conversation, a bright smile on your face when you were able to pull it off.

“Lucifer, I didn’t stutter this time!”

“Well done, MC, shall I give you a reward?”

Mammon:

“Useless human, can’t even talk, huh?” 

Trying to act like the big tough guy he played himself out to be didn’t fare well when you first arrived in Devildom, his brothers practically beat him up every other day for it.

The first time you laid your eyes upon a demon and they explained you would be a transfer student, it took you a few minutes of silence to understand what was actually going on.

It wasn’t because this wasn’t an extraordinary situation, you were an avid reader of fantasy novels and had waited for the day to be transported away from your boring, mundane life, but you just couldn’t compute verbal speech.

In potion class, you had to ask the teacher to write down the ingredients and the quantities because you couldn’t picture the words themselves, so you couldn’t understand what the potion was actually meant to do.

“What’re you writing it all down for?”

“It’s easier for me to listen when I can read what they’re saying. I guess it’s because my hearing’s crap?” 

But your hearing wasn’t all that bad, it was just easier to explain it that way than explaining how transcriptions help you listen.

Sometimes, in the hallways of RAD, the bustling students and whispering gossiping of you, a human, making a pact with Mammon? Apparently it was hilarious to everyone else.

But it wasn’t what the demons were saying, it was how loud they were saying it. 

It was just too many noises at once, you couldn’t decipher the surround-sound mumbling and it stressed you out, made you uncomfortable, and gave you that all too familiar feeling of a panic attack due to the sensory overload. 

Mammon realised your discomfort as tears grew in your eyes and your breathing quickened and, for a moment, he was moving to beat up every single devil that ever even mentioned the word ‘human’.

“Ma-Mammon!” Your frail voice and a tug on his sleeve pulled him back to Devildom and he turned back around to you, watching as you clenched your eyes shut, trying to ignore the buzzing that continued to rattle your brain. 

“Can you take me some place quiet?”

From then on, you would often spend your lunch breaks in a quiet classroom away from the majority of students. It was a good place for you to wind down, especially, when you two were close enough, Mammon would hug you closely, helping the panic in your heart when you did have a panic attack due to all the noises.

You didn’t have them as much now, the noise cancelling headphones he had bought you brought solace as you walked from classroom to classroom.

In class, he would try his best to act as scribe when you were running behind, but he did a terrible job. His handwriting was abysmal, only now did he appreciate how quickly you had to write to keep up with the lessons. 

You appreciate the sentiment all the same, placing a quick kiss on his cheek- you were dating at this point- and explained that he didn’t have to do that for you, you could just get a copy of the teacher’s notes after class.

Now he could never feel more guilty about picking on you when you first got to Devildom.

“Hey, Mamo?”

“Yeah, MC?”

“Thanks for not getting angry at me.”

Leviathan:

You were pretty silent, never really talking unless you were spoken to directly.

Yet, you still had that dumb, normie trap of cute smile on your face when you listened to everyone ranting and raving. 

When you did speak, it was quiet, almost a whisper.

Thank Diavolo for the demon’s enhanced hearing because, if they didn’t, they would be constantly asking you to speak up.

It wasn’t because you didn’t like your voice or you thought you were too loud otherwise, it was just because you couldn’t really be bothered to be louder.

You were content with just listening, watching everyone have a vivid conversation about the latest trouble Mammon had gotten into or Satan raving about the last Detective show you needed to watch. 

You never had any questions to ask in class, and the ones you did have would usually be asked by another student before you got the chance to even raise your hand. You weren’t a genius, just a good listener.

Levi understood, somewhat. Why would you want to talk to his normie brothers? They had nothing interesting to say.

Most of the time he suspected you just weren’t listening to them. 

But, it’s when you were alone together in his room as he told you about the latest anime he was enjoying, he got annoyed.

“Are you even listening to me? I don’t even know why I try. You don’t deserve Henry!”

“I was listening. You were explaining how you think the next season of TSL is going to go. I’ll admit, the Lord of Shadow saving that servant from the Lord of Corruption seems a little far fetched, but it’d be interesting to watch.” 

That had possibly been the longest group of sentences he had ever heard you string together at once. And they were so soft, no hint of trepidation from his accusation.

Eyes wide in embarrassment for misreading the situation, and getting so aggressive about it, Leviathan looked away.

“I’m sorry, I know I seem really dismissive all the time. I just enjoy listening to you talk about your passions.”

The bright smile on your face calmed him down, as it usually did, and, every so often, you would make your comments about the shows you know only because of him. He was very good at explaining plot lines. Even when you had never seen the show, you felt like you had.

You would mainly just talk to Levi from then on, getting to the point where you could express your own hobbies without him judging you as a normie and more as a friend.

Well, not a friend, more than that, much more, but a friend would have to do for now.

The first time you strike up a conversation with him, calling his name from down the hallway of the house you’re staying in as he walks with Asmodeus, Mammon and Beelzebub is possibly the greatest day of Levi’s life.

“Lefty.” You accidentally pronounce his name wrong, like you sometimes do with “Bell” and “Ashmo”.

You didn’t have any problems with saying their names normally, but when you were tired, all hopes of communicating like a normal human being went out the window.

Your words were a low mumble, but they were something Levi had learnt to understand fluently from your late night gaming sessions that would usually end in ruin when your tired brain drastically slowed your reflexes.

“I heard it was your 200,000th bicentennial birthday coming up, so I asked one of my friends to commission this for you.”

Only Diavolo knows how you managed to pronounce centennial at this time of night, but you did it, handing him a paper-wrapped, flat square, a light blush dusting both your cheeks. 

Asmo made a flirty, teasing comment about how close you two seemed and how, now, Levi was the lucky one.

Mammon got jealous, demanding that he wanted a birthday present, even though his milestone couple centuries had literally been a couple centuries ago.

Beel’s stomach grumbled, but he was a little curious about what you could have possibly gifted Levi, and how many words you just said as loud as they would usually be, which was wildly out of character for you.

“It’s the Lord of Shadow and the servant.” Levi gasped upon seeing the magnificent drawing your friend had made for you, which you insisted on paying for, and never had Levi been so jealous to have a friend like that. A friend with such talent. 

“You were right, he did save her.” You smiled, eyes twinkling at the positive reaction Levithan had made. 

You had seen the similarities in the characters with you and the demon. The servant was said to have had their voice stolen as a child, long before they and the Lord of Shadow had met. And it was obvious to you the similarities the anime brothers had with the demon brothers, but you wouldn’t dare tell Levi that. You were worried he’d get shy and call you a normie again.

So that statement you made was a form of confession to Levi. Something you hoped he would understand.

“You watched the season without me?! How did you even get the DVD? It’s not even out yet!”

Yeah, no such luck there.

“Levi, you know what isn’t fair?”

“What could possibly be unfair for you in this situation?”

“That you aren’t as good a listener as I am.”

Satan:

You were an avid texter, just like Satan. 

Your fingers moved so quickly against the screen of your D.D.D or the keyboard of a computer, it was amazing someone could see them. 

And you were smart. On electronics, you could keep up conversations on the latest book you were reading and discuss the detective shows you and he liked to watch together.

It was only when you spoke in person did your conversations so down.

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” You cried out after a particularly long and troublesome stutter, mainly annoyed because it was an easy word but all the b’s tied your tongue like a tongue twister. Ironically, you felt like you were blubbering like an idiot.

Your stammer used to be worse, far worse. So bad you couldn’t even tell your parents anything without getting angry at yourself, but you got the speech therapy and learnt to just take it slow when you got eager. 

Everytime you see Satan, you want to be able to match his intellect and speed. You felt almost competitive. 

But it would hardly ever work out in your favour, your ‘S’s coming out like you were trying to start an old engine and ‘B’s and ‘D’s being switched in for each other like you were a toddler.

You spoke before you thought of what you were going to say, hoping the words would just float out of my mouth like everyone else’s did.

But no. Not for you. 

You had to carefully plan each sentence, thinking about every conversation you had so you could make a pre-made answer just so you wouldn’t look like a fool taking so long to speak.

You were ashamed most of the time, bullied for your impediment as a child and even in your teen years by people you told yourself were your friends but really weren’t when they called you teasing nicknames instead of your given one after you had asked them several times to use it. 

They were the main reason you still didn’t have the confidence to speak well now.

“Hey, take it easy. We’re not in a rush.” 

Satan would always be nice, politely giving you the time you needed to take a breather, calm down, and start over again, still blushing from your last stuttering episode.

“Why don’t you call me an idiot?”

A lot of questions similar to these, the only difference- the name you would be called, passed your lips sometimes, when there was a lull in your time together. 

You were used to people making fun, telling you to just shut up already so they didn’t have to hear your stupidity anymore.

“You’re not stupid. I care about what you have to say.”

Satan was always so serious everytime he answered a variation of your question, showing you he really cared. 

You blushed, your mind blank and it would take a couple minutes after that initial compliment for you to reboot.

It was true, though. 

Satan enjoyed watching your lips move and the sound of your voice as you two discussed who the killer in his detective show could be.

You both always came to the same conclusion before the episode ended.

Because most of your conversations happened through text, he found he missed your tone and expressive face when you got really into a subject.

He didn’t care if you stuttered, it was far better than just watching words flash across a screen, as most of your conversations went, on his D.D.D

Although, he did care that you got so angry with yourself. 

Being the Avatar of Wrath, he understood how easy it was to give into frustration and just want to hit something every time you made a mistake, he had done that many times in his younger years, and it wasn’t healthy.

It wasn’t healthy to be ashamed of a mere stumble or get mad at yourself for it, you never learnt that way.

One night, laying in his bed, platonically, you shared your reasoning behind getting so mad everytime you stuttered. 

You had seen Satan’s demon-form once before, but never had you seen it arise so quickly and so fiercely. 

You had been down all day and he had brought you to his room so you could feel comfortable enough to talk to him, but this fearful man, no, creature before you only put you more on edge.

But he continued to hold you.

He continued to wrap his arms around you from behind, spooning your body, trying his best not to fly out of hell right now and hunt down those who had picked on and teased you for all those years for something you couldn’t even help.

To think the reason you hated something he found so endearing was because some mere humans had made you think your excitement to communicate with people was something wrong?

“I don’t think this exchange program is going to work out.”

“Wh...Why?” You tried your hardest now to sound strong, sighing to yourself when you repeated the letters.

“Because I won’t be able to hold back if I have free access to the human world. What kind of assholes do that?”

“Teenage assholes.”

Asmodeus:

What a cute little airhead.

From the moment he first met you, Asmo loved the clueless looks on your face as you sifted through the information you were being given, seconds behind the punch everyone else could get to. 

You were slow, but you were meticulous, combing through every piece of information you could to give the correct response.

You were actually pretty smart because of that fact, studying so hard on everything you did so you weren’t embarrassed by being wrong.

And you weren’t too big with the whole ‘social cues’ thing either, mistaking Satan’s sarcasm for truth and Leviathan’s anger for genuine, relationship-ruining upset, desperately trying to fix the situation so that no one would get hurt.

You were selfless in the strangest of ways, too, opting to go without something you actually, really needed before asking someone for help. 

Once, you had tried ordering shower gel off of Akuzon, but, instead, ordered Shaitan Gell, a special ingredient often used by witches to summon demons. 

You had wondered why it was so expensive, but thought that maybe the Devildom economy wasn’t doing so well right now.

(It wasn’t your money you were using, so what the hell?)

It was even more confusing when it smelled a little off, but demons had strange tastes. Beelzebub literally ate brains and bat wings on the daily.

When Diavolo showed up in your shower the first time you used the oddly thick, black liquid, you just cocked your head, too weird to be embarrassed. Thinking this was a regular occurance in Devildom, you gave the prince a hearty hello and asked him, if he needed anything, could he please wait outside so you could get dressed first.

The news spread like wildfire, especially when Diavolo randomly vanished from a meeting with Lucifer. 

When everyone did find out, as Lucifer was reprimanding you for using such a relic in that way, they teased you endlessly, some offering you their own makes of the potion so you might accidentally summon them in the same way.

Every flirty or sexual remark Asmo made went right over your head, thinking that with every personal question he asked was just asked to make conversation and not genuine interest on his part.

“Do you have a partner?”

“Well, no, I don’t really compete in dance competitions or anything.”

“What positions do you usually go for?”

“I don’t play many sports, but if I had to pick, I’d say a pitcher in baseball. I have a pretty mean throw!”

It actually became a little bewildering how oblivious you were to all of his advances, thinking every time he draped himself over you he was cold and you offered him your jumper.

He took them everytime, so you were starting to run low. He tended to hoard them in his room, savouring the sweet scent of the body wash he had bought for you after the Shaitan incident.

“Asmo, can I get my hoodie back?”

You called through his closed door at some point after returning from school in the dead of winter, shivering in the sweat pants and long sleeved top you already had on.

You were generous, you didn’t think you personally were, but all the brothers knew you would give anyone anything if they asked for it. 

That’s why it wasn’t that ridiculous when Asmo had all of your jackets. Hoodies from years ago, sweaters you bought just to treat yourself because they were so soft, and even this jumper you got from your ex-boyfriend in high school, something you meant to give back but never managed to. You forgot every time you went to meet him with that exact intent the reason for seeing him.

It didn’t remind you of him, he barely wore it before you practically stole it, but it did make Asmo’s heart skip a beat at the ‘sweater-paws’ you got from the much-too-long sleeves. 

Following a clattering from what sounded like trash cans, followed by a comical shriek of a cat, the door flew open to a slightly disheveled Asmodeus, fabric clutched in his hand as he stood topless before you.

“Oh, sorry, Asmo. I didn’t mean to disturb you. I’m just so cold.”

You laughed to show you weren’t upset with him as you rubbed your arms, bouncing on the balls of your feets to get your blood moving enough to create some heat. 

How could all these devils, avatars of the seven deadly sins, not have heating?

“Let me warm you up, MC!”

Without even stopping to hear your answer, but he knew you’d say yes, no matter what, Asmo pulled you in by the wrist, immediately wrapping his bare arms around you the moment the door was closed.

He was warm and you were comfortable with him, he showed you curiosity and care, so you eased into that embrace, thinking it a friendly gesture as a thank you for using your clothes all the time.

When you felt a slight nibble on your ear, you started to freak out a little.

You stuttered out an inquiry as to what he was doing, shyly pushing away as he drew back with his flirtatious smirk.

“I’ve made it so obvious for so long, MC. I really like you.”

Asmo cooed back, prodding your puffed out cheek with the tip of his tongue as you tilted your head to the side the same way you did every time someone told you something new. 

Knowing you would be taking a moment to compute the information, Asmo used this chance to bury his face in the crook of your neck.

“I really like you too, Asmo.” 

The realisation came pretty suddenly. 

You had never put much thought into it.

Sure, he was the Avatar of Lust, he could just be saying this so he could express his temporary desires, but that was how you felt. You weren’t one for holding back, you were always scared of forgetting the topics of your thoughts if you didn’t say them aloud, so you just went for it.

Beelzebub:

Does this person even have bones?!

Like, seriously, your tripping over your feet like they’re not even attached to your body.

Rolling your ankle, walking off in directions that definitely don’t lead to where you intend on going, skipping right passed the class you’re meant to be attending.

The amount of times you’ve gotten lost in both the House of Lamentation and RAD is honestly worrying. 

Your sense of direction? What even is a map because it seems like you’ve never even heard of the concept of signs or specific routes you need to take to get to your bedroom.

To help with your impossibly slow way of getting a lay of the land in your new dorm, you would often take midnight strolls.

Often getting lost, which is how you found Belphegor up in the attic, even when you had stayed on the same floor.

That’s how you and Beel got so close. 

Because of the delectable scents coming from the kitchen, you would often find him having his late night snacks. 

He would invite you to stay, at first only because Lucifer had instructed him to walk you back to your room every time he found you aimlessly wandering the house late at night. 

“Is your ankle okay?” He would ask through a mouthful of food, but somehow you were still able to understand him.

Blushing, you looked down as your injury that was caused earlier in the day. You had stepped weird on the side of your foot- something that would usually happen and something you would usually be able to walk away from- but this time it was on the tall spiral stairs of the school you were still getting to know, sending you tumbling down flights and flights of steps. 

It was a wonder you were human, because even Solomon was shocked you survived that. 

“Y-Yeah, just a little red,” was an understatement.

You’re ankle killed. It was only a little swollen thanks to the spell your sorcerer friend used on you, but that didn’t help the sprain of your tendons. It was slightly bruised, covered by your loosest, most comfortable socks.

“Are you embarrassed?” Beel pointed out your bashful blush and you looked back up. He had seen your obvious hobble as you made your way to his side, but didn’t want to mention it in case you were feeling fragile about the subject.

“It just gives me flashbacks, is all.”

Oh? 

Memories from MC’s past?

Yes, Beel would very much like to hear about that. 

Not to tease or bribe you with, he was genuinely curious about your little human life. Not that you could tell, but he had never been so curious about another being like that. 

“Oh, god, well, I guess I trust you.” You joked, blushing harder as you laughed about the memory that plagues your thoughts. 

One time, in high school, you were walking out of the cantine when you tripped over literally nothing, throwing your bottle of water across the school yard like you needed to save it from your fall. It landed in the middle of a group of older students. 

The amount of laughs you got from that. The teacher that came up to you to ask if you were okay. The cut that occured on your knee. 

(Yes, this is a personal story. Yes, I have ptsd every time I pick up a plastic bottle of water)

Oh, it was like you were reliving the horror right there and then.

“It was mortifying! My friends still bring it up. To. this. day.” You sulk, resting your forehead on the table to hide the deep red on your face. 

“Did it hurt?” The blunt question came as a shock, that’s for sure, and you no longer felt unbearably hot when you looked up to see him. There was little look of amusement except for a kind-hearted smile. 

“W-Well, not as much as this other time...” 

You found yourself telling him all of your most embarrassing tales, seeking for that one story that would make him laugh the way everyone else would laugh at you. 

He didn’t. At all. It was actually a little worrying that he found none of your stories funny. 

Truthfully, he did find the want to chuckle at a few of them, but he didn’t want to betray your trust by laughing at such ‘precious’ memories for you. 

[mayasdeluca]

Yes it me, LOL. Have you ever seen those reality shows where someone's first kiss is on their wedding day and it looks like they're 2 fish gasping for air...that's what the Kai/Amelia kiss looked like to me. Gross.

All I can say is I hope they're paying Caterina well for this cause not only does she have to play this dud of a storyline but her back probably hurts from having to carry both performances since Kai has ZERO personality in every scene.

Greys doesn't get a pat on the back from me for ticking a representation box; they had a trans character that seemed to have a meaty back story (hacker, ex-military) that they did nothing with and he could actually act. And they have Helm who could be great but they're boosting up Schmitt instead. And a rant for another day is Schmitt and Nico (another boring character). I swear if they ever put Nico and Kai in a scene together you'd be bored into a coma.

It sucks that we are still forced to get behind every form of representation because any criticism of it would make TPTB gun shy to do it again. It also sucks that if opinions were expressed negatively then you're dubbed anti non-binary or something when Kai being non-binary has nothing to do with why I dislike the character/storyline. I'm sure they're a nice enough person in real life just like I think Kevin McKidd and Boris Kodjoe are nice guys in real life even though I can't stand their characters.

Okay rant over...until February I guess.

Omg so sorry for the delay, this got buried under a bunch of other asks.

But this made me laugh so hard lol. That's a perfect description of their kiss and yet all I keep seeing is "chemistry!!!" whenever people describe them and I'm just thinking to myself...WHERE?!

Kai is just so bland to me. You're right, no personality. So monotoned too and I don't mean to disrespect them as a person but I just don't get anything from them at all. And it really feels like they're just trying to check a box which seems to be Krista's forte. It's like how when Station 19 tried to do so many social justice topics in a bunch of episodes in Season 4. It just felt like a jumbled mess and a bunch of PSA's instead of actually trying to show representation.

I totally forgot about the trans character Greys had. They barely gave him anything. They could definitely do more with Helm too but for some reason decided to introduce Kai and I don't get why. And you just know that it won't last so what's the point? Can we really see Kai sticking around? Because I can't. Even if Link tries to get Amelia back and she says no and they do Jo/Link for however long...I just can't see Amelia/Kai getting into this long term thing anyway so it's just stupid.

But yeah, god forbid you're against a storyline like this...you really get attacked. That's why I've stayed quiet about it on Twitter because people love them over there, it's wild. -_-

[thefanficmonster]

Somebody To Remember

Andrew (The Dark Pictures Anthology: Little Hope) x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing (maybe), slight Spoilers

Genre: Fluff

Summary: Y/N wakes up in an unfamiliar place, surrounded by unfamiliar people and with a big chunk of memories missing. She’s told she, along with her professor and classmates, was in a bus crash while passing through the town of Little Hope. From that point onward she is trying her best to contribute into the group’s efforts of finding a way out of that place and also piecing together the shards of her broken recollection.

Requested by Dot Anon! Hi there! Sorry for the long wait, but it’s finally here and I hope it makes it worth it! I love writing for Little Hope and I’m very grateful you gave me an opportunity to write for Andrew with your request! Hope you enjoy the read, looking forward to hearing more requests from you! Love, Vy ❤

My eyelids lift just barely before an intense pain takes over my entire skull. Instead of battling through it, I just shut my eyes again. I feel like my head is swimming as though I’ve been spinning in circles for the past five minutes. Speaking of the last five minutes, I don’t remember them. Actually, I can’t recall anything from...I can’t even recall how long it’s been from what I last remember. I hear voices but they aren’t clear - almost like I’m at the bottom of a lake and they are calling out to me from the shore. I make another attempt at opening my eyes, succeeding this time, despite the intense pain.

“Hey, there you are.“ Unlike the rest, this voice sounds to be closer which makes it a lot clearer and easier to understand. “Stay with me now, Y/N.“

I blink a couple times, struggling to get my eyes in focus. When I finally manage, I am met with a pair of greenish blue eyes looking back at me. 

“Hi? Um, where am I?“ I utter hesitantly, letting my gaze wander all over the picture in front of me. I see a boy who appears to be in his late teens, maybe early twenties, I can’t tell. Behind him I see a shorthaired girl and an older man talking. I tap my fingers on the surface I’m sitting on - it’s no doubt gravel. And wait, did he refer to me as Y/N? “Am I Y/N?“ As I speak, I feel a sharp sting on my cheek. I lift my hand to touch the spot where the unpleasant sensation is coming from just to pull my fingers away with a wince, seeing them covered in blood. A pit of fear and panic forms in my stomach. “What happened? Why am I bleeding?“

His eyes widen. He looks border-line horrified as he backs away from me, never taking his eyes off me, though. “Professor, can you come here for a sec?” He says, his hand waving over the older man.

He walks over and crouches next to the boy. “What’s wrong? How are you feeling, Y/N?” He’s looking at me when he asks the question, so I can only assume I really am Y/N.

“She can’t remember anything.“ The boy says, his voice shaky due to what seems like panic, “What do we do?“

I switch my focus between the two, the panic growing stronger within me as well. The professor contemplates his next move carefully before calling out to the girl who is trying to catch a signal with her phone in the air. “Hey Taylor, give me your phone. I need a light.”

“Coming!“ The girl power walks to us, a smile spreading on her face when our eyes meet, “Oh thank God you’re awake, Y/N! I was terrified!“

I brave through the pain so I can return her smile, “Yeah, I’m happy to be awake too. Would be happier if I could recall anything though.”

Her expression morphs into the same one the boy had when I insinuated that I don’t remember anything. Putting her initial shock aside, she hands the professor her phone. He holds it above my face so the screen could illuminate any injuries I might have. Or the injuries I definitely have cause this headache is most certainly not the result of dehydration or lack of sleep.

“I can see some blood beyond your hairline and a cut on your temple, but that’s it. You are probably concussed. Don’t freak out, though, if you can still make sense you’ll be alright.“ He assures me. “I’m John, by the way, your professor. This is Andrew.“ he points to the boy. “I’m your professor, these two, and the other two we don’t really know the whereabouts of are your classmates. This was supposed to be our field trip for a project, but we got in a crash. That’s how you got those cuts and bruises. But, again, don’t worry we will be just fine. Your memories will come back sooner or later.“

Taylor chuckles, “I wouldn’t worry too much. She’s still got her sarcasm.”

“You bet I do.“ I choose to lift the heaviness of the situation, remove the worries from the group. I feel like I owe it to them for not remembering who they are while they obviously care about me. “Now help me up, I don’t plan on sitting here any longer. It’s quite uncomfortable.“

The professor and Andrew lifted me off the ground by my arms, steadying me on my feet. Concussed or not, I have to be prepared for a night of wandering around in a dark and foggy ghost-town. I can’t be a weakling and depend on my team the whole time.

                                                                *  *  *

My head hurts even more now, I didn’t know that was even possible. Whatever expectations I had for this night, they got thrown out the window the second Andrew and Angela were dragged five centuries back in time. Oh yeah, I also met the two other classmates John mentioned - Angela, who’s a very...interesting woman. She is a little high-maintenance and a little stuck up, but nothin I can’t tolerate. Unlike Taylor who I’m afraid will kill the woman just by glaring; and Daniel who is the complete opposite. He’s kind and sweet and really in love with Taylor. They are very cute together. Despite Angela’s attitude it’s clear that she deeply cares about John. I can tell the feeling’s mutual.

But demons and witches aside, my memory that’s slowly repairing is what’s bothering me most. The fragments that are coming back to me are so disconnected from each other and so far apart, it’s almost like I’m just making them all up to fill in the blanks. I’ve gathered most memories for Taylor, who I think is my best friend and some of Daniel, who is also a good friend of mine. Hell, I can even recall a bickering session I’ve had with Angela and I faintly remember arguing with John about a grade. But nothing of Andrew. Not a single memory involving him. I even pulled Taylor aside to ask her if Andrew and I were even friends before this. Her answer only made me feel worse, though. She seemed rather upset when I told her I can’t remember anything regarding him. She said she was surprised. When I asked her why she gave me a vague response that she assumed I’d remember him most. 

Well thanks a lot, Taylor. 

I’ve only started exhausting my brain even more now that her words are stuck in my mind.

‘That’s surprising. One would think you’d remember him first.‘

We’re currently taking a break to catch our breath. The past few hours are just a jumble of running away from these terrifying creatures and being pulled back in time. I can’t piece the logic of anything that has happened and it’s bothering me, probably more than it should.

“Hey, you ok? You’ve been cracking and biting your knuckles for a while now.“ Andrew’s voice shakes me out of my trance. He puts a comforting hand on my shoulder, sitting down next to me.

That’s another thing that has been bugging me - his touch. It’s so damn familiar and so natural! I can’t explain it, but every time he touches me, it just feels like his hand belongs there. It sounds ridiculous, I’m aware, but it’s true. I feel so horrible that I can’t remember anything about him - the fact that he has been my biggest support and comfort this whole time isn’t making me feel any better either. He hasn’t left my side for even as much as a second.

“Yeah, just frustrated. And I’d be lying if I said I’m not scared right now.“ I decide to rant and just get everything off my mind, I feel like he’ll understand. “I can’t piece anything together. Not from what’s happening to us and most certainly not from my past. So many large chunks are missing and it’s driving me mad.“ I cover my face with my hands, “I wish I could understand at least 10% of this insanity. That would be enough to give me peace.”

I can no longer feel him touching my shoulder. Instead, his hands take gentle hold of my wrists, pulling them away from my face. Holding both my hands with one of his, he uses the other to lift my chin so our eyes meet. “It’s OK, Y/N. I know how hard this is for you. I understand this is taking an even bigger toll on you than it is on us. Just know that you can trust us. I mean, it’s not like we know any more than you do, but if anything attacks you, we’ll make sure you make it out alive.” He swipes his thumb over my cheekbone. “I would go through a beheading for you, believe it or not.”

I can’t help but laugh, “I believe you, Andrew. Thank you. Just know that it goes both ways.” I squeeze his hand.

I do believe him. I believe all of them. I have faith in this team and I trust it with my life. I trust Andrew with every fiber of my being.

                                                             *  *  *

It’s over. I can hardly believe it. I can’t believe it.

“We can leave it’s over! Oh my God, it’s over!“ Taylor excitedly engulfs me in a tight hug. Tears are streaming down her face. Tears of relief and joy.

I return the hug with the same amount of strength and tenderness, “I can’t believe it’s over. Oh my God.”

“It is. It really is.“ she whispers to me reassuringly before pulling away and giving me one final encouraging nod.

We are finally free to leave that ruin of a house and this town in its entirety. We can now leave it all behind. We can go home.

I watch as Daniel wraps his arm around Taylor’s shoulders pulling her closer to his side. I see the encouraging smiles of pure happiness that John and Angela exchange. I feel all the positivity radiating off of them.

A gentle warm hand takes hold of my frozen and bruised one. I tilt my head to see Andrew falling in step with me. The warm smile on his face confirms what Taylor told me - the nightmare is indeed over. With the horrors left far behind us and 80% of my memory having returned, I feel reborn.

“Feels amazing, doesn’t it?“ He asks, his grip on my hand is tender but firm - he’s afraid of accidentally letting me slip from his grip, but also afraid of causing me pain by touching the many cuts that litter my skin.

“Words can’t describe it.“ I say with a content sigh, instinctively intertwining our fingers together.

And that puts together the remaining 20% that are missing. That special and intimate contact makes something in my brain click.

I stop dead in my tracks, causing Andrew to stop with me. He raises a confused eyebrow at me. “What’s wrong?”

A laugh escapes my lips, a huge grin plastering itself on my face. “You’re my boyfriend.” 

His eyes go even wider than when I told him I didn’t remember anything. This time it’s due to a different emotion. 

He stutters, “You remember?”

I nod eagerly, “We’ve been dating for seven months now. Daniel introduced us. Taylor kept teasing us saying we should date. We went on our first date more as a joke for the amusement of two of them and then....”

He cuts me off by hugging me twice as tightly as Taylor did. He has put every last bit of his energy into this hug and I’m returning it with every last bit of mine.

“Welcome back completely, Y/N.“ He says, pulling away while still keeping his arms wrapped around me. 

“Glad to be back finally.“ I can’t wipe the dopey grin off my face, not that I’m even trying to at this point.

With zero regards for our audience of four, Andrew presses his lips to mine, marking my return to our reality with a love-filled kiss.

@sparrow-gg  @artlovingbre  @chairtiger

[klutzyzombie]

Image Impaired

Summary: From a young age, Bakugou Katsuki is told his hearing will continue to fade with use of his explosive quirk. He's given hearing aids to help when he reaches high school but refuses to wear them because what pro hero wears those? It takes some red-headed courage to convince him otherwise.  Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Eijirou Kirishima, Ashido Mina, Denki Kaminari, Sero Hanta Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki & Kirishima Eijirou (KiriBaku) Rating: General Warnings: N/A Words: 6,701 Notes: So this is my first official fic for this fandom and I don't exactly have anyone to proofread this so I sincerely apologize if it's out of character and for the errors! This was written from my own experiences with going deaf and requiring hearing aids and how I felt about it when I was first told. It seemed like something Bakugou may have also felt so you'll have to excuse me projecting~

**Please note that when a character is signing, it will be italicized.

Ao3: [click here!]

He started losing his hearing in grade school. He had been about eight when his family took him to get his ears checked when his grades slipped and he continued to miss things said at home. From there he was bounced from doctor to doctor but the general consensus was the same; his quirk was causing him to go deaf. It made sense really; continued exposure to loud constant boom’s. Like playing a rock concert next to the amp turned up all the way. It was bound to happen the second his quirk manifested and the decision to be a pro hero was made.

They recommended easing down on use of his quirk unless the situation called for it to try and put off the inevitable, but that wasn’t about to happen. Pro heroes in training needed to have master over their own quirks! So they also suggested hearing aids which Katsuki was against. What pro hero wore those tacky things?! For now, his hearing loss was manageable, but if Katsuki was keen on becoming a hero (and he was; even eight year old Katsuki knew this) then the doctors expected his hearing to be practically gone by the time he was in his late teens.

So the Bakugou family learned sign language as a safety net and as he grew, his hearing faded more and more as expected. It became Katsuki’s new normal for things to be a little jumbled and almost like people were talking underwater if they weren’t close enough or if they soft spoken. Maybe that was why as got older he had a tendency to yell constantly, his voice growing a little more gruff with age as well. He’d also picked up on lip reading which was immensely helpful in middle school as he refused to tell a teacher he couldn’t hear them or ask to sit in the front. It wasn’t going to be the future he imagined when he was a kid, but hey, he was Bakugou fucking Katsuki! He wasn’t about to let something like hearing loss stop him from becoming the next number one hero! He was nothing but goal driven from a young age, refusing to tell anyone about what he deemed to be his biggest weakness, preferring to make due with his lip reading. When his acceptance into U.A. was announced, his parents made a decision and while he fought tooth and nail – literally – he was fitted for a pair of hearing aids.

U.A. was everything he had hoped it would be as a child (though he could have done without the damn nerd also getting in and sitting right behind him) and much to his utter chagrin, he even made a few friends despite the fact that he’d never refer to them as such. They were more like a few idiots who wouldn't know how to fuck off if their lives depended on it. One such of these idiots and the biggest offender was Kirishima who, from day one, seemed to latch on to Katsuki. It was annoying at first; sure he had ‘friends’ in middle school but they were more afraid of him and only followed him as some sort of leader or popularity magnet. Kirishima just- liked him. For him! There wasn’t any fear and he damn sure wasn’t getting popular by hanging around Katsuki. If anything that was reversed since the stupid idiot seemed to be friends with just about everyone to varying degrees.

And Katsuki wanted to hate it- hate HIM because he didn’t need friends let alone overly enthusiastic idiot friends and with Kirishima deeming him ‘friendly’, the rest of the idiot brigade followed suit. Before Katsuki knew what had happened, Kaminari had wormed his way into his and Kirishima’s study sessions, Ashido had started tugging on his arm in her bubbly excitement at something or another, and Sero had taken too confining in him about whatever trouble had been on his mind. Bakugou Katsuki had actual honest to god friends and it was Kirishima’s fault. It hit him one night after moving into the dorms after he’d been dragged to watch a movie in Kirishima’s room. Like, forcefully dragged and as they sat there, watching as Iron Man and Captain America did some epic team up move on some aliens, he realized he was actually enjoying himself around these idiots.

He wasn’t supposed to be fond of the dunces. He didn’t need anyone and after the hero exam he and Todoroki failed, he tried to go back to how things were. Katsuki didn’t need friends and Kirishima and Kaminari passing while he failed was proof of that. So he separated himself from them. Well, he tried to at least. It wasn’t easy to do since the clingy idiots couldn’t take a hint if he stapled it to their faces. It was exhausting and when he did finally manage it, about a week into his granted alone time he was miserable and angry and ended up back on Kirishima’s bed while he and Kaminari played some game on Kaminari’s Switch.

He couldn’t shake the idiots he unwillingly befriended and he whole heartedly blamed Kirishima for all of it. On a rare weekend home, he was bitching to his mom about the annoyances who kept blowing up his phone with their stupid ‘Bakusquad’ group text. Mitsuki was sitting at the kitchen table with designs and fabrics spread out while Katsuki ranted on. She hadn’t known her comment about him being popular due to his phone’s continued dinging would lead to this, but now it was hard to stop the small smile building as he went on and on about them. Something he pointed out to her with annoyance.

‘Sorry, it’s just nice to know you have actual friends! Finally.’

“I can fuckin’ hear you, hag!” Katsuki snapped.

‘Are you sure? I don’t see your hearing aids in.’

His response to that was to simply flip her off as he marched out of the room. “I’m not going to wear those fuckin’ things.”

“Katsuki!” They had this argument so many times now he could almost recite it word for word. It was what she always said since the moment they picked up the stupid devices. 'Wear them!' 'Are you wearing them?' 'How is training with the hearing aids working out?' Every damn time she called it was the same song and dance and it was getting more and more irritating every time she brought the damn things up! He could picture her pushing away from the table and marching after him so it wasn’t a surprise when her raised voice shouted after him. “We spent good money-“

“’-on those things so the least I could do is wear them’! Get a new speech! I don't fuckin' need them because I can still hear just fine!” There was an uncharacteristic pause after that and he wheeled around to glare at her, to see what she was trying to prove, only to see Mitsuki giving him a pointed look. “What?!”

‘I said if that was true, then you would be able to hear me.’ She signed while speaking. Well, he assumed she was. Her lips were moving and he could hear a faint sound that was in teh same tone as her voice, but couldn't quite make out the words. Katsuki stood there, red eyes narrowed at her which was a look she was mirroring back at him for all of a few seconds before she sighed, expression softening. ‘Katsuki, it’s gotten worse since you started high school. I’ve been practically yelling at you just so you’d hear me since you got home.’ The look on his face must have been horrified because his mom’s melted from fond annoyance to one of almost-pity. She lifted her hands to sign something else but he quickly turned and marched back up to his room to finish getting ready to head back to the dorms. He hated that look on her. Hated that look on anyone and he didn't need her to see that she was right. That his hearing really had gotten worse. It would make sense that it had, he guessed. He went from only training with his quirk a few times a week to preserve his hearing to using it about daily for hours on end.

So then why hadn’t he noticed it?

He guessed the whole ‘it’s a gradual process’ thing could be a factor and if he thought about it, he was having a harder time hearing Aizawa now. Deku’s muttering had also seemed to bother him less as of late and it damn sure wasn’t because the nerd had suddenly stopped the habit he’d had since they were kids. His hearing really had faded drastically in just under a year and that was a reality check.

One he also apparently wasn’t great at hiding because a few days back in school had Kirishima draping an arm across his shoulders in the locker room. He had a habit of doing that no matter what murderous look was on Katsuki's face and today when he went to shoot a glare at the red head - one he knew would just be ignored- he was met with a concerned look on Kirishima's face. “Yo man, you good? You’ve seemed kinda…”

“Extra murder-y.” Kaminari supplied.

Katsuki and Kirishima shot him a look, Katsuki’s much more threatening, but he went on. “Is everything alright? You know you can always talk to me!”

“Fuck off, I’m fine.” Was his eloquent reply and he knew Kirishima wasn’t convinced, but the red head knew enough about him to know to drop it. The look that now shifted across his face was proof he knew something was up, but he turned back to talking about some new show with Kaminari and Sero to make sure nobody else tried to take the opportunity to ask Katsuki about his oh so chipper mood. Kirishima was good at reading him like that. He seemed to always know what Katsuki meant or needed in the moment. It would be endearing if it wasn’t also equal parts annoying. Sometimes he wished the idiot would remember how damn powerful Katsuki was! But then again, Kirishima was also the perfect foil to him.

He watched as said boy grinned and laughed at something Kaminari had said, head tilting back slightly from the force of it. He was so stupidly friendly and he seemed to really want to be Katsuki’s friend if not his best one. He liked to proclaim as such at least and he guessed it was true to a degree. Kirishima knew him better than anyone else probably did and just how that happened should be concering. Just when had he allowed the idiot to figure him out so well?

Katsuki looked back at his locker with a huff, not about to give Kirishima another reason to ask about his mood again. He looked at his mask and the orange and black wing tips behind it. Looked at the orange X crossing the otherwise all black uniform. Looked at the matching heavy-duty boots and belt that housed mini versions of his quirk. Looked at how the entire ensemble represented everything he wanted to become and how his stupid hearing was likely to take all of that away.

He slammed the locker shut with more force than needed, meeting Kirishima’s gaze as he glanced over at the sound. “Meet me after dinner.” He said simply, walking off before he could see or hear the red head’s reaction.

---

Katsuki was a proud person and that was a fact that was well know. He never needed and never asked for help. He was self-sufficient and refused to lean on others to get to where he wanted to be. So reaching out to Kirishima about this was going to be a challenge. Said teen had been in his room for going on ten minutes, silently watching and waiting, sitting in his deskchair backwards as Katsuki glared daggers at the ground. It would be unnerving to have the talkative bastard so quiet if it wasn’t once again proof how well Kirishimia knew him; knew whatever was on his mind was heavy enough to make him clearly agitated and extra moody. This fact had him glance up so red eyes could meet red and at Kirishima’s concerned but patient face, he sighed and looked away.

“I can barely fuckin’ hear.” He admitted like it was the biggest secret he’d ever be forced to admit because to him, it was.

“Yeah?” Kirishima sounded confused but not in the way he had been anticipating. He was confused like you had just told him Ashido’s favorite color was pink. Like what Katsuki had just said was common knowledge.

This had Katsuki whipping his head back to look at him. “’Yeah’?! The fuck does that mean?!”

Kirishima tilted his head like he did when he could tell Katsuki was upset with him but didn’t know why. “It means yeah? Like, yeah I know?”

It was Katsuki’s turn to be confused now. “You know?”

“Dude, if it was supposed to be a secret, your awful at hiding it!” Kirishima laughed and he glared at him for it. This was supposed to be his close kept secret! His weakness nobody, except for maybe Deku, knew! Kirishima seemed to understand his inner turmoil (because of course he would) and gave the teen a small smile, moving to rub the back of his neck. “Well, maybe it just was to me? I dunno, man. I noticed from the quirk assessment we had on the first day.”

“How?!” His voice sounded more confused than annoyed.

Kirishima shrugged and moved his toe against the floor a bit to slightly spin the chair he was sitting on. A nervous habit he’d get when he was the center of attention, Katsuki noted. “You just weren’t responding to anyone. First I thought you were just kinda an asshole and ignoring people, ya know?” He looked back up at him with a grin. “But then when Aizawa-Sensei would repeat something louder and you’d respond and I saw your quirk in action, I guess I just put two-and-two together. I didn’t know it was some big secret though.”

“It’s not!” Katsuki was quick to snap but that wasn’t really true. It clearly was or his heart wouldn’t have dropped when he realized Kirishima had figured it out within hours of meeting him. He huffed to himself, not wanting to snap at Kirishima over his own overlook and looked away again, scrubbing a hand over his face. “Does anyone else know?”

Kirishima hummed in thought, looking up at the ceiling. “I think all of us kinda know somethings up to varying degrees.” He must have heard the speed at which Katsuki whipped his head around because Kirishima quickly clarified, “I mean those of us in the squad. Kaminari talks louder when he’s around us. Ashido and Sero started too as well after they hung out with us for a while. I suppose it also helps that the four of us are naturally loud anyway, but they definatley talk up and more clear when they're with us.”

Katsuki just looked at him stunned. They had all figured it out? And they hadn’t ever commented on it? Made it a point to make a joke about it? Tease him about it like they endlessly teased him about everything else? They had just started to talk louder for his sake?! Here he thought they were just obnoxious assholes…

Kirishima seemed to notice his lack of anger and response and crossed his arms over the back of the chair he was sitting on, resting his head on them as he studied Katsuki carefully. “Is this what’s been bothering you?”

Katsuki shot him a glare before huffing and looking away again. A nonverbal yes before he sighed, eyes closing. His mind was still reeling from the knowledge that not only did the other idiots figure it out, but that they had all apparently silently just decided to not talk about it and simply speak up and clearer so he could hear them all better. He had a plan going into this. He was going to tell Kirishima he was hard of hearing, tell him he’d known it was coming, and how he was supposed to wear hearing aids. He had planned for questions and for almost snapping at Kirishima for giving him a pitying look before quickly covering it up because Kirishima knew he hated pity. He had expected this conversation to go the opposite direction it had gone and now he was at a loss.

“They…" How was he supposed to proceed now?! "I’m supposed to wear hearing aids.” He blurted out quietly, almost hoping Kirishima didn’t hear him.

But of course he did. “So why don’t you?”

“Are you stupid?!” Kirishima frowned. It wasn’t pity on his face but almost like disappointment? That look was somehow worse and Katsuki quickly looked away from him again. “I can’t be number one like that.”

“So you’d rather just not be at your best then?”

Wellp. Anger was back. Least that was familiar over the weird sensation knowing his friends never brought up his hearing had left him with. He jerked back to face Kirishima, on his feet before he even registered he’d moved. Kirishima just looked at him with same look he had on earlier. “What?!”

“You can’t be your best if you aren’t even going to work with something that improves your skills.” Kirishima repeated, apparently oblivious to the absolute inferno of anger his words had lit. “Dude, you can’t stand there and tell me with a straight face you’d be at your absolute best going into situations as you are when you could be going in with your senses heightened. That would be like fighting with one hand tied behind you back all the time! It doesn’t make any sense, man!”

Katsuki stood where he was, keeping Kirishima’s gaze which had narrowed. It wasn’t anger, but the look he got when determination had set in and he wasn’t about to even think about budging on something. Katsuki liked to imagine it was the look he had when he tried to convince their classmates to come to Kamino Ward. What made it worse this go around was that, well, Katsuki knew he was right. “Tch.” He turned and stalked back to his bed before slumping down on it, glaring up at the ceiling as if it had personally wronged him. “What pro hero do you know wears hearing aids, shitty hair?”

“You?” That answer had Katsuki turn to shoot him a ‘stop bullshitting’ look but Kirishima’s face was so purely earnest the words died on his tongue. “Sure none of the current pros do, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be the first! I bet they’ll even make some with little orange X’s on them! That would be so cool!” He gave Katsuki one of those toothy grins that rivaled the sun in brightness and it took all Katsuki had not to smile at him in return.

He scoffed and looked away instead. “You’re an idiot.”

“Maybe, but I’m right about this!” Kirishima stood up and moved to sit beside his feet on the bed. “You always are the first and best at everything. Wouldn't it be super manly to be the representation to little kids you want now?” Katsuki didn’t say anything, afraid speaking might betray how hot his face was starting to feel at Kirishima’s unbridled admiration. “Besides think of all the cool ways you could make them look! I bet you could get them like, orange to match your uniform or-!”

“They’re already orange.” Kirishima turned to look at him and Katsuki rolled his eyes at the awe on the red heads face. He knew what was coming without Kirishima even asking so he sat up to pull a small box from the far corner of his nightstand. He tossed it to Kirishima who caught and opened it, eyes growing wide.

“Dude, these look so cool!”

“No they fuckin’ don’t. Don’t lie to me-“

“I’m not, man! Dude, picture this.” He picked one of them up and held it so Katsuki could see before splaying his other fingers out behind it. “You could have them as part of you mask! I bet support could even make some super badass ones that could have another dual factor! Maybe even like Mic’s speaker thing? No, I guess that wouldn’t make sense. But maybe they can block out certain things? Like Shinsou’s quirk! Oh man, you’re an even better match for him now! Just turn them off and you can’t even hear him!” Kirishima went into a rant about all the things he thought the stupid device in his hand could be used for and honestly Katsuki wasn’t hearing any of it but not because of the hearing loss. He just watched the idiot talk, watched his lips move and hands gesture. Watched as he’d occasionally laugh at something he’d thought of and how his smile reached his eyes when he did. How he was so excited just to sit here and come up with dumb ideas and how happy he was that Katsuki was potentially going to be an even better hero.

That thought alone made Katsuki’s heart jump again. Kirishima had really meant it about being an example. He really did think wearing the stupid devices would make him a better hero. Didn’t think it would make him any less of a person or any less of a pro. Kirishima genuinely didn’t think less or pity him for it and it actually seemed like he was furious that Katsuki would risk throwing his own dream of being a hero away just because of two tiny devices that would help him.

It was almost too much for him.

“You’re an idiot.” He repeated. Kirishima stopped talking and looked at him. He was still smiling and Katsuki was willing to bet that he was too if the slight tug at his lips was any indicator. “Fuckin’-! Fine, you rambling moron. I’ll wear the damn things tomorrow.”

The grin he got in return had to rival the brightest light in the galaxy and before he could open his mouth to warn against it, Kirishima tackled him back on the bed. The curses and explosions he sent in return were simply laughed off and otherwise ignored.

---

True to his word, Katsuki stood in front of his mirror with the small devices in his hand. He looked at his reflection without them, took in the way he looked one last time as if he could never go back to this look before sliding them in and turning them on as he remembered the doctor demonstrating. He winced at the resistance he was met with as they flickered to life but looked back at his reflection once they were snugly in and properly adjusted. His hair hid them for the most part, ash blond strands hanging low enough that unless he really looked, he couldn’t see them. Maybe that meant nobody else would since he was actually looking for them. He let out a sigh and turned to grab his bag. He doubted that severely. He swore quietly to himself, ignoring how it actually wasn't as quiet as he thought, and started the trek to class.

The walk out of the dorms and into the school was… different? He could hear things he hadn’t otherwise heard before. He could hear birds chirping in the trees he walked under, bits and pieces of conversations of the people he passed, that one weirdo from 1-B saying something and even the faint smack that followed as that orange haired chick apologized for him. It was almost like he’d been listening to the TV volume only turned up to 2 and now suddenly it was changed to 10. It would be overwhelming if he were anyone else, he guessed. Katsuki imagined this is what those videos of colorblind people wearing those special glasses was like. To experience the world with a sense that was dulled for so long only to be informed that said sense could be much better.

He’d spent so much time glaring at the stupid things and then fiddling with them to get them adjusted that he’d been beaten to class by the self proclaimed ‘Bakusquad’. Kirishima was sitting on Sero's desk facing the door and when he spotted Katsuki, broke back out into that same grin he did that rivaled the light flickering in from the windows. “Hey, Bakugou!” He raised an arm in greeting, grabbing the attention of the other idiots who all turned to greet him though not as enthusiastically as Kirishima. Not much of a surprise considering the red head was very clearly the only morning person among them.

Katsuki tsk'ed in greeting but Kirishima seemed to be studying him harder than usual and it was pretty clear what he was searching for. So with a roll of his eyes, Katsuki turned his head slightly so Kirishima could see the small bit of orange poking out from under his hair and if the smile he was greeted with was bright, this one was blinding. He didn’t say anything much to Katsuki's relief, just looked back at Kaminari despite his grin not fading as Katsuki walked over to his desk and tossed his bag down. Such a stupid little thing and Kirishima was grinning like he'd won the lottery.

Class was almost night and day.

He could hear Aizawa’s lazy tone easily, better than he had ever remembered being able to. He didn't need to rely on his handouts and the board to take notes. It was considerably easier to understand Ectoplasm now too and, much to his sheer and utter annoyance, he could hear Deku muttering to himself again. It was annoying, sure, and he almost considered taking the stupid things out to prevent it, but the fact that he actually could stopped him. Even Deku's muttering couldn't quite distract from the almost wonder he had. He could also pick up on Kaminari and Kirishima whispering though he coldn't make out what. (Probably about the math problem Ectoplasm just wrote down.)

The lunchroom was another experience. He hadn’t ever heard it this loud and he muttered to Sero if something special was happening because of the noise before Sero eyed him confused and said it was always this loud. Huh. He knew it should be considering the amount of teenagers cramed into it, but the thought hadn't really ever crossed his mind just how loud it should be. It was almost painful. Their usual table was at least a little quieter since it was in the far back. Katsuki was actually able to hear Kaminari approaching without relying on the slight ting of electricity in the air that usually was his give away. He looked up and watched as he and Kirishima stepped over towards them, caught up in some conversation about something, only stopping when Kirishima moved away and took his usual spot beside Katsuki while Kaminari went to sit in front of him.

“Hey, Bakubro! You look-“

Katsuki winced. “Fuck, can you maybe not talk so damn loud?!” He brought his hands up to his ears, wincing as they gave off feedback which he assumed was due to the mentioned static Kaminari gave off. Maybe he really should speak to support about upgrading them if he was going to start using them more. Wait, was that going to be a thing? He'd told Kirishima he'd wear them today; not from then on. When had he decided this was going to be a permanent thing?

He was lost in his own thoughts about if this so he missed the way Sero, Ashido, and Kaminari looked at each other, then at him, then back to one another. “Uh? He’s talking like he usually does. Which yeah, it’s loud, but it’s his usual volume.” Sero defended, looking all the world like Katsuki had just started sprouting a second head.

Shit.

Katsuki huffed and looked down pointedly at his lunch, taking a bite of rice to further avoid meeting their gaze. “Well tone it the fuck down, dunce-face.”

Kirishima was pointedly quiet while the three others sat in silence for a joyous and nerve wracking moment. He wondered briefly if they would just drop it, but no, he was never that lucky. He heard a gasp, knew it was Ashido, and jerked his gaze back up just as she leaned across the table and reached over to move his hair aside. “You got hearing aids!”

“Fuckin’-! Don’t touch me!” He swatted her hand away but the damage was done.

She was grinning from ear to ear and practically bouncing in her seat. “Oh my gosh, they look so good! That color is going to match your uniform perfectly!”

“Nice, dude! When did you get those?”

“Does this mean you’ll answer when I ask you for help now?”

“I think he was just always ignoring you, Kami.”

"What? No! Why would he do that?"

"Because you ask him for answers on every problem rather than how to solve it?"

Bakugou watched the three teens in front of him suddenly turn on Kaminari, laughing at the other blond’s expense. They hadn’t even flinched at him wearing them! No jokes, no sympathetic looks, nothing! They just took it in stride as if he’d said the weather outside was cool. He looked over at Kirishima to get confirmation that he wasn’t insane and they had really found out what he deemed his weakness. Kirishima met his gaze with a knowing grin and a shrug of his shoulders, a silent ‘I-told-you-it-wasn’t-a-big-deal’ look on his face. Katsuki shot him a glare but turned back to his meal to try and hide the smile he knew would betray any small amount of anger it may have had.

They didn't seem to care. He'd spent so much of his life dreading the day he'd have to wear these stupid things. Dreading the way people would look at or perceive him. He was Bakugou Katsuki and the only way he should be looked at was with admiration or fear; not pity or sympathy, and he whole heartedly believed that was going to be the outcome wearing these would bring. He expected the three idiots in front of him to make a huge ordeal about it, but they just seemed relieved and excited. Just like Kirishima had been.

Maybe having friends wasn’t such a bad thing after all.

---

After that, Katsuki wore them daily. They became second nature from then on and he wanted to be surprised that nobody seemed to even flinch at them, but after seeing his friend’s reactions, he really wasn't. What was supposed to be a weakness was nothing more than another area he could work with. Something Katsuki could train and hone like his quirk. He’d even followed Kirishima’s idea and got a pair that would work with his mask. They got upgraded to protect his remaining hearing from his explosions while enhancing it. His regular ones got an upgrade as well so they’d stop sending him feedback every time Kaminari got within a foot of him which spared Kaminari getting threatened and snapped at so it was a win for him as well. (Both pairs were returned black with an orange X printed on them and Kirishima swore he knew nothing about it.)

Months passed and it was hard to imagine he’d ever put up such a fight to wear the stupid things. They really did make a difference and it was even better knowing nobody felt the need to shout at him. Part of him wondered just how many people did but also didn’t think his pride could risk asking. It was like nothing had changed and while he wouldn’t ever admit it, it was apparent he had worried and put this off for absolutely no reason. His friends rolled with it like nothing had happened and that alone, while he refused to admit it, was the real reason he continued to keep it up after the first day. The idiots seemed to be full of surprises, especially Kirishima.

So it really shouldn’t have been a surprise what happened one night during the middle of their second year. The pair were up late in Bakugou’s room going over the latest math homework they’d been given. Well, more like Katsuki was going over Kirishima’s since his was already finished. At some point he’d taken his hearing aids out figuring he wouldn’t really need them in the quiet of his room.

He marked one last problem Kirishima needed to look over and handed the paper back. The red head took it then asked ‘Do you want to go get something to eat?’

“Yeah sure.”

He pushed himself up and brought an arm back behind his head to stretch it out and then it dawned on him. Kirishima hadn’t spoken. His lips hadn’t moved.

“What?!”

Kirishima startled at his yelling. “I asked-“

“I know what you asked!” Katsuki was pretty sure he must look strange because Kirishima was looking at him with sheer, utter confusion. “It’s- it’s how you asked it!”

The red head blinked at him in confusion, clearly not understanding why Katsuki was suddenly so upset. “What about it?”

“You signed!”

“Yeah?” He held the ‘ea’ sound out as if the pause would help him figure out what had happened. Katsuki could feel his face heating up. “Dude, I’m so confused right now. What’s wrong?”

“You-! You fuckin’ signed to me!”

“Yeah, you covered that part. What about it?”

“When the fuck did you learn it?!”

Kirishima still looked at him baffled. “Dude, I’ve known for years. My mom is hard of hearing.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“Because I didn’t think I’d need to? I sign to you all the time, man!” Now it was Katsuki’s turn to look lost. He looked at the red head for a few minutes as if he’d just told him some world altering view, which he kinda did. “You good, bro?”

“No I’m not ‘good’! When the fuck have you ever signed to me?!” Though as the question left his lips, memories started replaying in his head. One’s of Kirishima casually signing ‘lunch?’ while verbally saying they should head to grab a bite to eat. Memories of Kirishima signing ‘that was awesome!’ after Katsuki did some impressive move in training. Of Kirishima’s fingers moving to ask him to pass his notes back over. Vision after vision of Kirishima slipping it into such casual setting from the first weeks he knew him and wow, okay that did something to his heart.

Why hadn’t he ever noticed it before? When the hell had Kirishima become such a casual part of his life that him speaking in a language hardly anyone knew became second nature? How had he learned so much about Katsuki without him ever knowing the red head was close enough to figure him out? Why did he decide to dedicate so much of his energy and time to be around him?!

“Dude?” He looked over at Kirishima who was now looking at him worried. “I was kinda kidding when I asked if you were good but now I’m actually worried. Are you alright? You look, like, sick."

Katsuki dropped to his knees in front of the red head who was looking even more concerned now. He opened his mouth, probably to once again ask if Katsuki was okay, when Katsuki put his hands on either side of his head and pulled him into a kiss. It wasn’t anything spectacular on the outside, just a chaste kiss, but it was an awakening for Katsuki who avoided feelings and distractions. Katsuki who had mentioned romance was the furthest thing on his mind when Ashido asked him back in first year if he was interested in anyone. So yeah, it wasn’t the most romantic of kisses as Katsuki hadn’t exactly kissed anyone aside from one or two people back in middle school and Kirishima hadn’t exactly moved or leaned into it let alone reacted.

Wait, shit. Kirishima hadn’t reacted.

That thought had him pulling back immediately, apology already forming but going unspoken as Kirishima mirrored the gesture of grabbing his face and pulling him into a kiss. Now it was Katsuki’s turn to be shocked but it faded in seconds, eyes closing on instinct as he moved to rest his hands on Kirishima’s hips. Kirishima in turn gently cupped the side of his face, guiding Katsuki’s head to tilt to the side slightly so he could deepen it. Alright, this one was much better than the pitiful one Katsuki had just done. Kirishima’s lips slid against his like they were meant to be connected and his hands lit Katsuki’s skin on fire. The feeling was like wearing his hearing aids for the first time. Like reawakening a sense that had been muted for years. He didn’t want it to end but after one last slow kiss, Kirishima pulled back, lips parted as he breathed.

Katsuki opened his eyes and blinked down at him, no doubt looking as kiss-drunk as the red head. Kirishima beamed back up at him, cheeks tinted red which Katsuki could feel his own face mimicking. He glanced away as if that would hide it, ignoring the way his heart rate picked up when Kirishima’s arms moved to wrap around his waist, head resting against his chest. He had about a billion things he wanted to say, knew Kirishima had about a billion he probably wanted to ask, but of course the red head knew him well enough to know he needed a minute before he spoke. Kirishima knew him so well. How did he not ever connect these dots and do this sooner?!

“So you like me.”

Alright, maybe not the elegant response he wanted but he earned a laugh from Kirishima. He shrugged and looked up at him so Katsuki could see his lips, smile still present. “What finally gave that away?”

Katsuki could feel his face flush anew. “’Finally’?”

“I haven’t exactly been trying to hide it from you.”

“You never fuckin’ said anything!”

“Again, never thought I’d need to.”

And alright, that was fair if he thought about it. He frowned but it was more at himself than at Kirishima and he ducked his head down to rest against the red head’s shoulder, the red head pulling him close. “You have awful taste.” He muttered to which Kirishima just hummed, lightly resting his head against the side of Katsuki’s.

They stayed like that for a while longer before Kirishima’s stomach made them remember what had started this whole ordeal in the first place. As they stood up and started to head out, Katsuki paused and turned grabbing his hearing aids and sliding them into place, ignoring the way Kirishima’s face lit up at the simple motion. He didn’t comment on it though, only taking Katsuki’s hand for a whole second before dropping it. Katsuki arched a brow, about to ask what was wrong.

‘I really, really like you, Katsuki.’

Katsuki was pretty sure his face was currently redder than the idiot in front of him’s hair and mumbled a quiet “Fuck you” as he lightly punched his shoulder. Kirishima laughed and caught Katsuki’s hand before it fell away. He went to lace their fingers together and tug him down the hall but Katsuki stayed rooted to the spot. Kirishima looked back at him, head tilting in the ‘whats-up’ way he did before Katsuki pulled his hand back.

‘You are an idiot, but I like you too.’

It shouldn’t be a surprise the way Kirishima’s eyes lit up. It shouldn’t be breath taking the blinding smile such a simple statement was met with. It shouldn’t make his heart skip when he was rewarded with another kiss. None of it should be but here Katsuki was, arms wrapped around this dumb, red headed ray of sunshine who managed to do the impossible.

[jojparasol]

lights up

i hope yall enjoy this one! i’ll be posting my masterlist soon so look out for that. also while yall are here, please sign petitions - they’re everywhere (even my blog!) do everything you can like donate, sign and reblog because black lives matter <3

the one where they meet again. harry wants her back. Y/N is really happy.

Word count: 1.1k

angst??? 

Y/N had her focus on the drink in her hands, her head lost as she watched the liquid motionlessly. There was music around her, loud music but she didn’t pay it a second mind, too busy with her presence, enjoying the scenery.

It was Charlotte’s birthday and just like the girl she is, a huge and deserved party was thrown. And although Y/N was once apart of her inner circle yet slowly moved away, she was still close enough to receive a text with all the important details. 

There were familiar faces everywhere and she couldn’t deny that she missed every single one of them. 

“Is this seat taken?”

Harry had seen her from across the room, and as cliche as that was, he took the stride towards her. She glowed, a dazed smile on her clear face as her eyes drifted off. He knew that she was content with her life, even by the simple glimpse of her sitting alone, basking in her own company. Y/N seemed to change a bit but he still knew that it was his Y/N. Sure, a little trim at the ends of her hair or even the different shade of nail polish she wore, it didn’t change the fact that Harry knew it was still the Y/N he had known for years. 

When Charlotte announced to their group that she had invited Y/N, everyone was stepping on stones around Harry, aware of their past. But Harry shrugged, unaware on what to feel and instead, took a quick gulp from the drink in his hands. No one complained because everyone missed her and that included Harry. 

-

Y/N matched the familiar voice with a familiar face. With a modest smile curling on the beckons of her lips, she shook her head. “All yours.”

Harry nodded, obliging and sitting down next to his ex. “So… how’s life?”

Y/N looked up at the ceiling, smile still present as she breathed in the party air. “It’s great, H. Genuinely great.”

And there it was. The truth that Harry expected rolling sweetly off the rims Y/N’s tongue, she was shining like the lights flashing around. Harry watched her, not responding. It was only until Y/N bothered looking back at Harry that he spoke up.

“So what’d you get Charlotte?”

“Oh, a collection of hair accessories. Berets, beanies, hair scarves, all those things. At first, I didn’t know what to get her but with a quick Instagram stalking and remembering that she was complaining one time about hair accessories, I figured it would suit.” Y/N shrugged nonchalantly. “What about you?”

“Brought ‘er and ‘er boyfriend a trip to Rome.”

Y/N scoffed at his easy response, she shouldn’t be as surprised as she is because he did have all the money in the world. Now, it seemed like her gift was nothing compared to his. 

“Holy shit.”

Harry nodded. “You’ve always been so thoughtful with your gifts,” he complimented. Y/N laughed.

“And you’ve always been so expensive with your gifts.”

“Well, what can I say? When you’ve got the money…” He joked as Y/N rolled her eyes because although he was teasing, they both knew it was true. 

Their conversation shifted to silence. Harry stared at her, pointing out all her features close up where he was able to point out more small changes. She was too busy to notice the lack of talk until all she heard were their soft breaths. Y/N’s eyes met with Harry. 

“What are you looking at?”

“What do you mean?”

Y/N took a quick drink from the glass before shaking her head. “You were staring.”

“Do you blame me?” Another shot. She was almost finished by then, drinking up her euphoria. Meanwhile, Harry barely sipped on his glass, running it cold throughout the night. Y/N doesn’t know what has gotten into her but she blames the blast from the past, it’s almost become foreign.

She gulped, her head held high. “I’m sorry by the way.” Y/N paused, taking her time to stare at Harry, her eyes turning to a blurred bloodshot. “At the start, I thought that it’d be sweet if things just stayed the same, y’know? We were at the prime of our relationship.”

Harry knew Y/N when she becomes drunk. She tends to talk, talk about everything that her mind had bottled up. When they say drunk words speak sober thoughts, Y/N was the epitome of that saying. She ranted, her mouth running like rushing water. And all Harry would do was listen with the occasional nod and so Harry treated this occasion like no other.

“But this time, I’m at the prime of myself. Can’t you see? I’m never coming back down. I’m never going back. I don’t think you knew this but there were so many times in our relationship where I sat back and asked myself, ‘Do you know who you are?’ And sometimes, I couldn’t even answer,” she confessed, her voice pitched yet a passionate yearn laced in her tone. Harry swallowed her sayings, trying to understand and remember if he has heard her. 

And he remembered. One time, Harry had walked in their bathroom where Y/N stood in front of the mirror with only a towel supporting her body. She was looking at her reflection, repeating the very same words before Harry questioned if she was okay. With a simple smile and kiss to his lips, he was convinced everything was perfect. 

“Can you believe it? Got a promotion, new apartment, going to the gym - all that type of adult crap!” Harry snapped back into reality as she continued. When she spoke about all her accomplishments, she shined so brightly it blinded Harry a bit. She became this light and Harry was finally able to step into it, realising how better off she was without him. It was like their relationship was dark and she was finally able to hang these lights up. 

Harry couldn’t deny his happiness for her but there was a part of him hoping that striding over to his ex after months that there would be some sort of misery. Misery that he could relate on. The pathetic ‘I miss you’ and ending the night with their bodies tangled together. He missed her and wanted her back. 

But after this, he knew that it was impossible. The way she spoke her drunken words was enough for Harry to stop himself from pouring his heart out. Instead, she was running through his heart and creating her way in life without him. 

Y/N was humming by now, leaving Harry to listen to her untuned la’s and da’s. All the hope Harry had for a new start was shattered through a jumble of Y/N’s intoxicated expressions. 

Allowing himself to take a big sip of the cold liquor that burned down his throat, the glass met loudly with the counter before he sighed, ready to say the words she needed to hear. “I’m happy for you Y/N. Really happy."

[peaceoutofthepieces]

chapter 37.5

When I Live My Dream (Please Be There To Meet Me)

To go with chapter 37! This part is influenced largely by @dreamy-slytherin, who talked about Jens coming out to his family, and who also deserves no gutless online hate but all the love I can offer. Thank you for always encouraging my vds obsession and for being you 💞 For our VDS nation, for anyone who gets shit for their sexuality or struggles with it regardless, for anyone who has the ridiculous notion you aren’t loved — you are not alone, and this part is for you. It’s long, and there’s probably mistakes, but I hope it can be of happiness to some of you 💛 Also, I wasn’t sure of a name for Jens’s mum, so I borrowed from @all-things-skam and went with Fenna. I hope that’s okay :)

Lucas’s first knock feels a little harsh, and he freezes completely before repeating the action gently. The rain is spattering the shoulders of his denim jacket and quickly soaking through his hood, leaving him shivering and impatient enough to knock again. The door swings open while his fist is still raised, and he looks down to find a girl that can’t be older than ten, with hair a few shades lighter than Jens’s raven locks and a curious expression. Lotte, his brain supplies. Jens’s little sister that he’s thus far been banned from meeting.

“Hi,” Lucas says, trying his best to give her a warm smile. It isn’t too difficult, because his chest filled with instant warmth at the sight of her, but he can’t quite shake his anxiety off. “You must be Lotte.”

She nods, look only growing more sceptical. Lucas feels his smile widen at her tilted head and hesitant smile and has to kick the urge to crouch down to her. He’ll have time to get into the girl’s good books once he’s back in Jens’s. At the moment, Jens is his priority.

“I’m Jens’s friend Lucas. Is he home?” Lotte perks up at the name and nods, stepping back to let Lucas through. He closes the door as she turns down the hallway and then trails a few paces behind, letting her go to Jens for him. She calls out to him on her way before opening his door a notch and peeping her head in.

“Lucas is here,” she says. “Is he a new friend?”

There’s a muffled reply that Lucas strains to hear, but then it doesn’t matter because Jens is there. Standing in his doorway, looking rumpled and exhausted and so utterly beautiful that Lucas’s heart pangs. His throat has dried up suddenly and he swallows, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jacket and mumbling a hesitant, “Hi.” Jens is just staring at him, betraying nothing, and he doesn’t know what else to do.

“What are you doing here?” Jens asks, seeming more surprised than anything. Lucas supposes that’s fair. He’s only been here a few times and always with Jens’s invitation. Always when they’re sure none of his family members will be present. And if they are, only appearing through Jens’s bedroom window. (Lucas had regretted it almost immediately, but he’d tried to be romantic. It had made Jens laugh, and kiss him, and giddily shush him every time he spoke, so it had been worth it.)

“I needed to talk to you. And you wouldn’t answer your phone.”

“I turned it off,” Jens admits. Lucas only nods, biting down on his lip to prevent himself from blurting out anything incriminating. He isn’t sure why, because he can’t think of a single thing to say, can only think of too many, and it’s so jumbled up in his head that there’s no way anything is making it to his mouth.

“Mama is making cookies if you want some,” Lotte says to Lucas, with so much sweetness that he momentarily forgets his inner turmoil. He offers her a warm smile, but doesn’t get to say anything before Jens settles a hand on her hand and answers for him.

“You should go help her. Lucas and I will come get some later.”

She gives him a slightly suspicious, slightly pouty look, but obediently makes her way to the kitchen. Lucas watches her go and feels a little more settled. Jens at least isn’t planning on kicking him out. Lucas turns back to him and tucks his jacket closer around him by the pockets. “She’s cute,” he offers.

Jens takes a small breath and then holds the door to his room open. Lucas makes his way inside before either of them can change their mind. He takes in the room that is slowly becoming familiar to him. The bed and its dark sheets; the photos covering almost a half of the wall behind it; the game console on the nightstand; the guitar tucked in the corner; the skateboard leaned against the wall. All the things so naturally Jens that Lucas hardly even paid attention before. He’s always more distracted by the boy himself, and this time isn’t really any different.

Jens is leaning against the door, blank-faced, but as soon as Lucas turns to him he’s moving forwards. Lucas catches him in his arms and holds him close, letting Jens tuck his face into his shoulder and pull him in by the waist. Lucas moves a hand into his hair, smoothing it through the dark strands, and feels the unsteady breath the other releases against his neck.

“I’m here,” Lucas assures quietly. “You can talk to me.”

Jens lets out a shaky breath and Lucas squeezes him tighter. He hadn’t really predicted this. He didn’t think Jens would give in so easily. He thinks it hurts more that he does. That whatever it is, it’s hurt him enough to make him instantly succumb to Lucas’s comfort. He closes his eyes and presses closer still, and Jens relaxes minutely.

The silence is only working to strengthen his anxiety, but he plans to wait it out. He won’t push—not when they’ve gotten this far.

Then Jens’s next breath shudders, and Lucas aches. “Hey,” he hushes, in the same second that Jens begins crying in earnest. This isn’t what he’d prepared himself for. He’d come expecting flippancy, infuriating ignorance, another stream of denial. He’d been more prepared to have Jens snap at him, to get frustrated and tell him to leave, but he hadn’t thought of this. He’d prepared himself to be comforting, yes, but he hadn’t expected it to go to such an extent. He isn’t sure he’s made for this; but it’s Jens. And Jens is most certainly made for him.

Lucas will give him anything he needs, always, in every universe. There’s no one he cares about more.

“Jens,” he mutters softly, pitying, “you’re okay. I’ve got you. You’re okay.” Jens just clings to him. Lucas cards his hand through his hair, attempting to provide maximum comfort, but the sounds escaping Jens’s lips are still more sob than breath. He’s doing his best to muffle them, sucking in air harshly to try and hold them down, and it makes Lucas feel worse. Jens doesn’t have to hide with him, and he hates that he can’t see that. That he doesn’t realise it’s all of him Lucas loves, every single atom, no matter how tainted or fragile. Lucas will wrap them all in his own and do his best to protect each and every one.

He moves his hand to Jens’s face, gripping either side of his jaw lightly and tilting his head back. Jens attempts to turn away but Lucas holds him in place, stroking his thumbs over his cheeks and catching the tears as they fall. “Hey. I’ve got you. You don’t have to hide with me. Please. Not with me.”

Jens swallows and squeezes his eyes shut, leaning his head against Lucas’s. “I’m sorry. I was shitty to you. I swear I didn’t mean to be.”

Lucas only shakes his head and caresses a sharp cheekbone, stretching up to kiss it gently. Jens turns into the touch, nose pressing to Lucas’s cheek, and Lucas turns to meet him. He gives him one short, sweet kiss as a reassurance and then takes a step back. No matter how tempting it is, he can’t ignore the issue. He can’t ignore whatever it is that pushed Jens to this point, that left him raw and crying in Lucas’s hold. “What’s going on, Jens?”

Jens exhales shakily, then extracts himself from Lucas’s arms to walk to his nightstand and pick up his phone. Lucas watches patiently as he turns it on and taps at the screen before holding it out towards him. Lucas raises a brow, but takes the item when Jens only continues to stand there, eyes downcast. The screen is open to his Instagram DMs, and Lucas scrolls past Robbe’s and Moyo’s and his own—and dozens filled with slurs and slander and just plain curses, the same thing repeating over and over again.

That he’s disgusting. That he’s wrong. That he’s greedy. That they’re disappointed. So much so that they can’t follow him anymore, but not enough that they can’t send multiple messages to follow up. That he should stop posting. That he shouldn’t be a Broerrr.

That he’s unlovable.

So how in the world could Lucas love him?

“Fuck,” he breathes. He looks up at Jens, discovers the other boy still isn’t looking at him. “This is brutal. Christ, Jens. Why didn’t you tell us you were getting it this bad?”

Jens shrugs. The movement is so tiny Lucas isn’t sure it wasn’t just an involuntary shiver. “You’re all getting it, and you’re fine. It’s nothing worse than everyone talking about Sander’s bipolar, or dissing Robbe, or complaining about you. We’re all supposed to be dealing with it.”

“Yeah, we are. All of us. Not alone, Jens. And my DMs aren’t full of this. Not to this extent. Fuck, why didn’t you say anything?”

Jens only shakes his head, and that’s when Lucas notices the tears pricking at his eyes again. “Because I’m scared they’re right.”

Lucas opens his mouth, a rant already prepared on how that’s complete bullshit and there is absolutely nothing wrong with him. He just as quickly snaps it closed when he suddenly understands.

No one’s ever going to be able to love you. Not even your ‘boyfriend’.

“Jens,” Lucas breathes, and every part of him is aching now, because of all things for Jens to listen to it had to be the biggest lie of all. “You fucking idiot.”

Jens blinks at him, then twists away, sullen, and Lucas closes the distance between them in a second. He cups his face once more, tugging it around towards him. “Jens. Look at me,” he orders softly. It takes a moment, but eventually Jens meets his eyes. Lucas shoves all his nerves down and keeps their gazes locked. “You’re not alone. You’re not disgusting, or wrong, and you don’t have to ‘pick a side’ or change anything for anyone. Especially not for me.”

He takes a deep breath and repeats what Jens had said to him, only over a week back, and yet an eternity ago. “I haven’t felt anything like this, ever. No one has ever made me feel this way but you. No one has ever made me feel this <i>much</i>. And I know that it’s the same in every universe, because no version of me would be capable of living without you. I’d find you in every one and fall in love with you every single time. That’s what I feel, Jens. I love you.”

Jens inhales sharply, then his jaw goes slack under Lucas’s hands. He curls his hands in the back of Lucas’s jacket, gripping the fabric tightly. Lucas smoothes his hands down his neck to rest on his shoulders, pulling him down to kiss him softly. “I love you,” he repeats. “In this universe more than any other.”

“Luc,” Jens breathes, just as the door opens behind them. Lucas whirls around at the same time Jens jumps back, knocking a glass off the locker as Lucas just avoids stumbling into the bed. “Fuck,” Jens mutters, stooping to pick up the glass while Lucas is left to smile unconvincingly at Lotte, where she stands innocently in the doorway, barely looking into the room.

“Sorry,” she mumbles, eyes wide, and Jens rushes over to pull her into the room, closing the door with a soft click. Her eyes roam over her brother’s face and grow sad, before her gaze flicks to Lucas and back. “Why are you crying?”

Jens glances back at Lucas, too, and wipes his eyes harshly, shaking his head. “I was laughing.”

She gives him a dubious look. “I didn’t hear you.”

“Lotte, I’m fine. Why didn’t you knock?”

Her wide eyes return as she gives him a sheepish smile. “Sorry. The cookies are ready.” She shoots another look at Lucas, then says, very quietly, “Does Mama know you have a boyfriend?”

Jens puffs out a breath and looks to Lucas. Lucas shrugs. Whatever Jens wants to do, he’ll support. It’s not even a question. Jens nods to himself for a second before crouching down in front of the girl and shaking his head. “No. Neither of them know.”

He doesn’t have to say anything else to make Lotte nod seriously. “I won’t tell them,” she promises. Then she whispers, “He’s very pretty.”

Jens laughs, loud and full, and Lucas grins. He’s missed that sound, so much. Lotte seems a little startled, but she’s smiling too, and an adorable little blush takes over her face when she catches Lucas looking at her. Jens sobers enough to whisper back, with all the same seriousness, “I know. You should see him when he laughs.”

Lucas’s cheeks warm, and it only worsens when Jens looks over his shoulder to smile at him. He makes a face at Lotte and she giggles at him. Jens twists backs around to her and pulls her into a loose hug, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “Thank you,” he says. “I promise I’ll tell them soon.”

She smiles brightly. “Then Lucas can come over more often.”

“Yeah, hopefully,” Jens promises.

There’s a knock on the door this time, and Jens pushes to his feet as a woman pokes her head in. Lucas assumes this must be their mother, and unconsciously stands a little straighter as her gaze flicks between the three of them. “Hello.”

Jens freezes. “Uhm, this is Lucas,” he says lamely.

“He’s Jens’s new friend from school,” Lotte says simply. “He has a nice accent.”

Lucas is unbelievably grateful for her. He can tell Jens feels the same. “He just moved from the Netherlands a while ago,” Jens explains.

“Oh, that can’t have been easy, moving in the middle of the school year,” the woman frowns, coming inside and holding a hand out to Lucas with an easy smile. “I’m Jens’s mother Fenna.”

Lucas takes her hand. “Nice to meet you.” He’s very glad his voice doesn’t wobble, but his smile feels unsteady. Anxious. This isn’t exactly how he’d imagined meeting her, either. It’s, again, probably something he should’ve expected just turning up here.

“Have you been here long? How are you settling in?”

“Uhm, just a bit over a month. Everyone’s been really welcoming. Jens and his friends have been great.”

Lotte giggles and Jens shoots her a warning look. Lucas sneaks her a wink as Fenna reaches out to squeeze Jens’s arm. “Well, good. I’m glad he’s done something to make himself useful,” she teases. Jens sticks his tongue out at her. “Honestly, at least take his coat for him.”

Jens sighs, but obediently holds out his hand as Lucas slips his jacket off his shoulders. He hands it over with a smile and ignores the face Jens pulls at him.

“We’re taking Lotte to see that new film, so we’ll be gone for a few hours. You’re sure you don’t want to come along?” Fenna asks her son. Jens shakes his head and gestures at Lucas.

“I have to be good company,” he points out, all put-upon and sarcastic. Lucas can’t believe how quickly his mood has shifted. He wonders if the quirk of the woman’s lips means she’s noticed it as well. He doesn’t know if Jens had been putting on a braver face with them, or if he’d been just as obviously quiet, just as unlike himself. He doubts it was the latter. If he hadn’t told Lucas or the others, there’s no way he would’ve let his family in on it.

He smiles now as his mother pats his cheek and says, “That’s what I like to hear. There’s fresh cookies on the counter if you want any.”

“But make sure you save some for me,” Lotte pipes up as the woman leaves, hugging her brother round the waist.

Jens ruffles her hair and hums. “We’ll see.”

Lotte pouts up at him, and Lucas feels for her, so he says, “I’ll make sure there’s some left for you.”

The girl grins, then she’s running over to hug him as well. Lucas’s lips part in surprise, and he looks at Jens with wide eyes. Jens only smiles softly back at him, so Lucas wraps his arms around her little shoulders and pats her head. She scrunches her nose up in response, but she returns his smile and waves on her way out the door, so Lucas assumes he did okay. They hear the front door shut a couple of moments later, and Jens tosses Lucas’s jacket on his bed.

Lucas only raises his brows at him. “So, cookies?” He makes his way to the door, but Jens catches him before he gets there, slamming it shut and pushing Lucas up against it. His lips are covered before he can protest, Jens kissing him with hungry desperation, and Lucas winds his arms around his neck and slows him down with a hand in his hair. He gives a few slow drags of their lips, letting Jens press up against him, and he sinks into it. This is something he’d definitely missed.

“We didn’t get to finish our conversation,” Jens mumbles, lips brushing over Lucas’s cheek, and all the playful demeanor he’d mustered for Lotte is gone. He presses his forehead to Lucas’s and looks at him seriously. “Did you mean it?”

Lucas can’t believe him. He nods, and lets him pretend it isn’t obvious. “Every word.”

Jens swallows, and this time he brings his hands to Lucas’s cheeks, his touch delicate as he says, “I love you too. More than I’ve ever loved anyone.”

Lucas feels his chest fill with relief. It’s pushed out on a sigh, and he closes his eyes, pulling Jens closer and allowing the emotions to overtake him. A laugh bubbles up and he lets it escape, lets Jens kiss him in response. He mumbles it over and over against Jens’s lips and feels all the tension bleed out of him, feels the joy wrapping around his own heart.

Then Jens is gripping the back of his thighs and picking him up off the floor and his head empties. All coherent thought leaves him in an instant, and nothing registers but Jens’s hands, hot on his legs, his chest against Lucas’s, his hips pressing him into the wood, his unfaltering kiss. He’d been so sure he was losing it. That he was part of what was making Jens pull away, if not all of it; that somewhere in all the shit they were getting Jens had decided that he wasn’t worth it. Realised that he didn’t want him. He’s never been so glad he was so wrong.

All his breath left him as soon as his feet left the ground, but he sucks in just enough to gasp, “Since when can you do that?”

Jens shrugs, lips already trailing a path down his neck. “Since always, I guess. You’re not much heavier than Robbe.”

Lucas blinks, but then Jens is nipping at his skin, and he doesn’t care about anything. “I won’t even ask.”

Jens huffs a laugh and recaptures his lips, making sure he’s securely held against the door before removing a hand to slide it under his jumper. Lucas arches against him, and he really needs them to pause before this continues. “Wait, wait, wait. Jens. Come on. You should talk about this.”

Jens puffs out a breath, but obediently stops, dropping his head to Lucas’s shoulder. “I know. I’m sorry, for freaking you out and pushing you away and being an idiot. I promise we’ll talk. Okay? I promise.” He turns his head, pressing his nose against Lucas’s cheek and drawing his earlobe between his teeth. “But you just told me you love me, and all I want to do right now is kiss you. And maybe some other things, if you’re up for that.”

Lucas had thought he was losing him. Now here he is, all of him offered up for Lucas, for his hands and his lips and his love and there’s nothing he wants more. There’s nothing in him that wants to say no. “I’m very up for that,” he breathes.

Jens grins, and then they’re kissing again. Lucas tightens his hold as Jens’s hand skims over his stomach, fingers curling in his hair, relishing in the way Jens groans against his lips. Maybe they shouldn’t, maybe talking is more important, but if the best thing Lucas can do right now is distract him, he’ll do it gladly. Robbe told him to take care of him, after all.

“You need to text Robbe. Or let me text Robbe. He’s worried about you,” Lucas gets out, and Jens’s groan this time is one of complaint. He returns his grip to Lucas’s thighs and spins them away from the door, huffing a laugh when Lucas yelps. His breath is knocked out of him again when Jens drops him on the bed, and he bounces slightly once as Jens picks up his phone. He taps at it for a moment and then tosses it to the side, climbing over Lucas and raising a brow above him. “Happy now?”

Lucas nods and lets himself be kissed into the mattress, twirling Jens’s hair around his fingers and locking his legs around his waist. Jens lifts up to drag his jumper up his sides, and Lucas lets him pull it off before reaching for the hem of Jens’s shirt. He gets his hands on bare skin as Jens kisses down his chest, but he trails a path back up before getting too far. He presses a soft kiss to Lucas’s lips, resting on his elbows, and says, “I have stuff. If you uhm. If you want to.”

Lucas blinks. “You’re very prepared.”

“But we don’t have to,” Jens rushes to reassure. “If you don’t want to. If you never want to. I don’t care what we do. I just love you. As long as I get to be with you, none of this matters to me.”

Lucas feels flushed, and he knows his smile is unbelievably sappy. “You’re so soft,” he teases. Jens nips at his jaw and he laughs. “Thank you. But I want to. I really, really want to.”

Jens gives him a look. “Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I trust you,” Lucas says simply, punctuating it with a kiss to his cheek. “I love you.” Another kiss, the other cheek. “I want you.” And one more, on his lips.

Jens’s grin is all the assurance he needs. No more has to be said.

An hour later, after Jens has spent endless time kissing every inch of his face, and carding soothingly through his hair, he lets Lucas switch their positions and pull him into his chest, one hand in his hair and the other on his back. He trails a path up Jens’s spine and back down, repetitive and idle, until Jens’s lashes are low and his breath is sleep-heavy. Content. Lucas presses a kiss to the top of his head. He hasn’t been able to wipe the soft smile off his face.

“That was actually much easier than I expected,” Lucas admits.

Jens squeezes his side. “I might’ve had some pointers. You promise you’re okay?”

Lucas hums. “Never been better.”

He’s surprised to find that he means it.

[shego1142]

Hi, um... so I saw your btd and infinity train post and just gotta say, super glad I'm not the only one that thought that! Now that season 3 is officially all out I'm really curious if you've seen it yet and what you thought.

Goes without saying but MAJOR infinity train season 3 spoilers below!

This is also discussing an 18+ horror-porn game which features a lot of gore and other potentially triggering subjects so dni if you are not 18 or older or if gore/murder/etc make you uncomfy!

I just watched the finale. I’m like... in shock?

I mean by no means was or is Simon my fave at all (he just looks a lot like my ultimate comfort character lol) but wow... just... wow

It is a lot different when like... comparing btd with infinity train too tho!

Like, I feel like the entire /point/ of btd is to let your morality go. Like, it’s a horror-porn game.

It’s meant to be like “what up u fucks, being murdered is sexy! Yes Strade daddy kick my fucking head in! Lawrence pls squeeze my actual literal beating heart you weird necrophile”

And meanwhile infinity train is like “we are all just a collection of our actions, we all deserve the chance to redeem ourselves but sometimes we may not be able to due to the trauma we’ve been put through and the finite amount of time we have”

And I personally believe that both of those facets of humanity are okay to explore in fiction. It’s healthy to explore them in fact.

That said like, yea Simon is an asshole but I still liked him. Still think he deserved to redeem himself.

Still think it’s unfair that the train even happened to him at all, because he probably would have been better off at 10 years old with people who could look at him and say “yo, kid, here’s a therapist” instead of him being led by someone who is just as much a scared kid as he is.

Him doing what he’s always been taught to do and suddenly being told it’s wrong... as someone who’s autistic I can tell you that that’s a world shattering circumstance.

Idk if Simon was autistic or not, tbh I was too freaked out by how much he looked like Lawrence to notice much else about him...

Idk personally I liked the finale even if I feel like it wasn’t fair. I like the story even if it ripped me up emotionally, even if it’s making me think about things I wish I weren’t thinking about (like whether or not I’m a good person and whether or not redemption is possible and whether or not somewhere somehow those who couldn’t redeem themselves in this life are able to redeem themselves elsewhere)

I feel hollow after watching the finale, but in a good way.

Yes I would adore beyond all belief to have like, a fic it fic or something that gives Simon a second chance... like idk, maybe he wakes up in the real world from a coma? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

And maybe when she gets out (probably very soon) Grace finds him.

But maybe that’s just it. Maybe that’s the end, full stop, he died, he’s gone, he lived a shitty life from ages 10 to what? 16? 18?

Idk... you asked about my thoughts and rn the main thing I’m thinking is just how much I really do hate how the fandom is this big jumbled mess of completely missing the point.

But anyway, yea no I lost my absolute shit when I saw him in season 2

Like I was /obsessed/ because of how freaking much he looked like Lawrence. Still am, bc wow the hair down look was wild too!

Especially with the “he went insane” scene... very Lawrence.

I guess that brings me back around to what I was saying about btd and infinity train being ultimately so different too.

With Lawrence I personally am like “yes my horrible son, you are a bad socially anxious murder boy and your entire purpose is to murder. Continue your murdering. Especially if it’s me or characters I relate to because I’m dealing with some shit and imagining you murdering me helps me deal with it, you funky little weird coping mechanism you.”

With Simon I’m like “You’re an ass. It’s not your fault though. I would be an ass too if I had been taught from age ten to do things the way you were taught to do them. Your actions are horrible and if you had had a fair shot at learning personal responsibility I would argue that you should be held responsible for them. But since you didn’t, since you spent your entire time on the train without growing, staying stagnant and forcing yourself to regress because it’s what you’d been taught was right, what you thought was right, all I can do is pity you. Your purpose was to learn to be a better person and you failed and I’m sorry.”

They’re ultimately very different characters for me despite how similar they are (obviously the way they look exactly alike but they’re also mentally unstable, started killing at a young age, have anger issues, etc)

I adore infinity train, and all its characters honestly. I really do hope there’s some form of closure for Simon but I’m not expecting it either.

Right now I just wish the fandom wasn’t trying to tear apart those who want closure for him. That’s so... outside of the point of the entire show.

Idk this goes a lot into my philosophy on life in general too I think, basically I don’t think there are people who are irredeemable. Not on shows, not in real life. I think there are just people who need help. I think that people deserve to be treated fairly and with respect regardless of what horrible actions they may have committed.

I guess I’m just really irritated rn at how some of the fandom seems to think that it was Simon’s “right and just punishment” that he died.

It wasn’t a punishment. It was just something that happened. People die. It happens. He didn’t die because he was a bad person. At least I don’t think so.

And it doesn’t make me, or any other fans, or Grace, or the apex kids bad people to mourn for him. For his lost opportunities. He was a traumatised child and he’s gone now.

And the ghom? Wasn’t it shown in season one that the ghoms are Amelia’s fault anyway?

Personally I think the entire point of the train is to work out your problems, full stop.

I think the only way someone is /meant/ to be able to die from the train is to die of old age.

The ghoms are accidental. They’re the product of someone else’s actions.

And sometimes we fall prey to that. And I think it’s okay to look at that and say “well that’s not fair.”

Because it isn’t.

I don’t know if Simon could have gotten better. Maybe he could have?

In the scene where he loses his sanity there for a moment he really did show signs of immense remorse and even confusion.

But honestly? Even if he wasn’t able to get better he didn’t deserve to die. And it disturbs me that a lot of peeps seem to think he did.

Anyway sorry this turned into a bit more of a rant than I meant for it to!!! >~<

Like I said I /just/ watched it!

But yea as far as Simon Laurent looking like Lawrence goes, I’m still a bit freaked out by that. The amount of times I’ve gone to write “Lawrence” instead of Simon in this post is way to high lol!

Personally I wanna know how gato feels about him honestly! Like she’s Lawrence’s creator and Simon really does seem like such a nod to her character!

Thanks for the ask, I got to vent a good bit! Idk if this is the convo you wanted from me tho lol :P

[lovelylogans]

:o Please please rant about the 100 and Bellamy!! I was only marginally into it so I don't know much but I love to hear your meta on literally everything!!

all RIGHT. spoilers for the 100 past this point! also i’m gonna go ahead and preface this with a warning about racism, and also that a lot of this is based off stan twitter, but like. they aren’t Wrong.

oh, also, i’m gonna go ahead and drop my stan twitter: i rarely make original posts, but, ya know. it’s a jumble of content. feel free to follow if u want.

also! there’s this whole thread of hiatus drama, if you want a fuller picture than what i’m giving you.

so a quick, general sum-up of some plot that goes into this Whole situation: the sixth season of t100 took place on a different planet, after t100 spent ~5 seasons on earth, so this introduced new characters and also the concept of interplanetary travel. in the season six finale, hope (the daughter of a character, diyoza, who was still pregnant with hope, because ~time travel~) stepped through what’s called “the anomaly,” says “i’m sorry,” and stabs octavia, dissipating her into green mist. bellamy, octavia’s brother (who has had Issues and a Lot of storylines centering around octavia, which is a whole other topic of conversation (ft. bellamy’s storylines centering around white women (bob morley, who plays bellamy, is half-filipino) octavia’s treatment by fandom vs bellamy’s, and you can probably tell which side i’m on by how loudly i screamed “YEEEEEESSSSSSS” when bellamy said “you’re my sister, but you’re not my responsibility anymore” after SIX SEASON of—okay you see, i’m getting off topic) 

anyway, the season closer was that octavia went through the anomaly, which (this is important!) a fair amount of the main characters saw (gabriel, hope, echo, and bellamy, namely) bellamy, in that same season closer, was running through the woods alone, yelling for octavia. season ending. good hook!

and then.... nothing.

seriously. the hiatus between season six and season seven of the hundred (the LAST season of the show, EVER!) there was next to no promotional material. no bts pics, no tweets from cast/crew, nada. nothing. which stirred up quite a bit of complaint in the fandom—one, it’s the last season, can we not have some promotion, and two, it’s the last season, and there’s no promotion by cast/crew/the cw, why is this happening?

seriously. the season seven teaser clip that got aired between episodes on the cw was released before the trailer. it became a meme, how long we were waiting for the trailer. like it was... what, 19, 20 days before the season aired, and all we had was like a stitched-together character poster?

there was also some drama throughout the hiatus, ft. the fandom getting on the news for not getting content in the hiatus, jessica harmon (who plays a guest role, nylah, and whose brother plays murphy) getting snappy at fans on twitter for asking for promotion, and isaiah washington, who played thelonious jaha (a character that died in s5) telling a minor (and also going into their dms!) that he’d call the fbi on them, good times, the 100 fandom is a Disaster and i live a nightmare every day

and then. the trailer drops.

which starts “where is bellamy?” like. people. were SEARCHING for bellamy. people were trying to be optimistic, but rapidly people were also coming to, like, the worst conclusions. however as always t100 fandom did have some jokes, so like, ya know

people were looking forward to other promo: the poster, and also, there’s this tradition of countdown bts photos for the show, and since bob and eliza (who plays clarke, the female lead) just got married, people had high hopes! 

and then came the poster (which had no bellamy, or characters at all) and then the OFFICIAL poster (which had characters, but still no bellamy) which started the hashtag #whereisbellamyblake, because, seriously, he’s the male lead and it’s the last season. also bonus screengrab of this from jroth (the lead writer’s) mom’s twitter lmao

so people rightfully had questions: the excuse that was being given was that including bellamy would be “spoilery,” except, like, it’s a poster? and the only shot of him in the trailer was him being dragged along the ground despite the fact that he was the thumbnail for the trailer? like, okay, which led to some twitter meltdowns, and some more, and again people were fearing the worst, because like, see lexa, jason has a BAD track record when it comes to fan-favorite ships. people were HEATED, people were RANTING, it was a MESS

also. the edited posters were pretty funny, okay, then bob and eliza, bless them, dropped some a+ twitter content, and things calmed down a bit

and then, countdown days started. usually, the order goes bob on one more day, and eliza on show day. except this year? eliza was one more day. which. people were going nuts. because it was a tradition! and keeping BOB out of a behind the scenes where there weren’t any spoilers? it just seemed unprofessional—especially damning, given jason’s past history with ricky whittle, who played lincoln, and was bullied off the set. people were worried that, one, this was affecting bob’s storyline, and two, well. remember that thing about fan-favorite ships? here’s a whole thread of that, btw. and a video of ricky whittle, here.

it is a genuine fear of a lot of the fandom that jason will, in all his pettiness, not give in to bellarke. which is kind of nutty, given that it’s the core relationship of the show, and he himself had said that he’d been foreshadowing it. bellamy and clarke are literally “the head and the heart” of the show.

oh, yeah. so hard cut to the showday pic.

cast. crew. writers. everyone.

except? no bob.

people lost their gotdamn MINDS.

there’s a lot of subsequent drama; the fact that apparently they’re pushing through clarke/gaia (even though there was ??? no previous evidence of this??) still no bellamy for four episodes (seriously, it took clarke, like, two episodes to even cotton onto the fact that he was missing at all)  a lot of criticism of jason (he’s shamed shipping and also, lmao, is trying to push through a spinoff?) and just. Yeah. 

i’m really burnt out when it comes to the 100 fandom; i’ve unfollowed a lot of the t100-centric tumblrs i used to follow, once the show is over i’m gonna unfollow a lot of the twitters and just, yeah. i care about bob and eliza, and i care about bellarke, but the fandom wears me out and the unprofessionalism of a lot of what’s gone down has kind of just? made me lose interest? they’re recycling storylines (esp centering around octavia and bellamy) and continuity doesn’t seem to really be a priority. i just... yeah. i mostly care about bellarke and the fact that i bond a lot with one of my real-life friends through this show. if bellarke doesn’t happen, i’m gonna be like Really... disappointed, mad, irritated? like. imagine. it’s literally So Easy. the actors got married, ffs, you’ve gotten in trouble for ending two ships via very tragic death (in the same season, even!) like how is this Not Clicking

anyway that’s my (entirely too long) rant about t100!!!!

[the-bjd-community-confess]

I don’t really get it when people have to make a “But what about” counter confession.

If someone does a confession/complaint about people making offensive/tasteless/stereotypical character portrayal of a group, through dolls, that doesn’t suddenly make it all perfectly fine, just because someone from that demographic created it.

People are often well aware that not every tasteless, or even harmful portrayal has been created by someone who is not part of the demographic, people are aware that even a gay guy can create a problematic portrayal of a gay character. Just like how someone from outside that demographic can create a good portrayal of a character from a different demographic. Eg: A straight male can create a good gay male character. This, in case people are seriously wondering, is because characters aren’t just one specific label. A gay character isn’t (or shouldn’t be) just “The gay character, who’s gay.” if the character is well written, then it’s more like “This is a character, with his own personality, and story, who’s also gay.” Not to mention that research exists.

Of course there’s also people being utterly ridiculous, where people will throw a fit because: “You created a 30 yo lesbian character, but you’re not a 30 yo lesbian? How dare you, that’s UNACCEPTABLE!” Who need to calm down. No matter if they’re not-part, or actually part of that demographic. Humans aren’t a hivemind, so obviously characters can vary widely, there’s no way in Hell or Heaven, that there’s only “One true character of demographic X”. So

But if a bunch of people tell you, separately, in their own words say: “Hey, I find this portrayal of demographic X to be stereotypical in a very harmful way, I don’t like that.”

Is it really needed to come out, white knight, and go “But some people from "demographic” create these characters!“

People know, especially people who deal with this stuff. It’s also a bad argument, it’s not gonna make the portrayal better in anyone’s view, insiders or outsiders, just because of who the creator is. It also gives a vibe of "I don’t care about the other people IN the demographic, who originally said they dislike the portrayal of their demographic in those ways.”

People can be annoyed, and maybe even disgusted by portrayals of sexuality/race/ethnicity by people, without needing to be reminded that people from that demographic create these characters.

The concepts of: live and let live, and being able to critique these portrayals, are not mutually exclusive. Someone can accept that these creations exist, and leave people alone about it, while also being able, and allowed to complain, critique, and even rant about these creations in their own space, or, as in this case, on public confession blogs. It’s obviously totally unacceptable when it gets personal, or to actually harassing specific people.

Yes, someone from that group can create these characters. Maybe some people are gonna be rude about it, and get personal, but that’s not all the people who’re against these portrayals.

And it’s not like this is gonna stop people from creating these characters, portrayals of the LGBTA, different ethnic groups, and races have always existed, both by people from these groups, and outsiders, and they’ll definitely continue to exist, because there are often people who’ll like, or find these characters interesting, or easier to “connect to”, for personal reasons.

Main reason I’m saying this, is because it feels like people are, in a way, belittling genuine concerns, and discomfort of people, by saying “But think about the other people!” as if the person’s criticism isn’t valid, or their feelings should be considered offensive because SOMEONE who likes these portrayals, or does the, could read them.

It also sounds like trying to push away people’s concerns, or the feelings of people, and pitting them against each other, instead of just accepting that there are people who are annoyed by these things.

Create what you want to, but don’t be surprised when people call out the perpetuating of harmful stereotypes. Like the “trans men aren’t real men”, they’re just “men-lite soft uwu baby boys.” Or “trans women are just men in drag, with super male bodies.” Homosexuals, both f and m, “One is the man, and one’s the female in the relationship” or “Lesbians really just wanna be men, Gays just wanna be women.” All bi’s being unfaithful, and abusive. Etc. I doubt I have to go on when it comes to races, ethnicities, etc.

To cut it down:

People ranting about stereotypical/fetishitic/objectifying/offensive portrayals of their demographic through dolls, don’t need to be told that people from their demographic also create these characters. They/We know.

These characters will still be created, but maybe it’s also important to understand that people of these demographics are gonna speak out, and distance themselves from these portrayals, because they can be genuinely harmful. Especially when people who’re anti-demographic, use it as fuel to push their anti-demographic agenda.

Also, just something I do, a cheap “trick” to this is honestly the “Nothing but the character” approach, Subjective-objective. View a few characters, without knowing the creator, and decide if the characters “acceptable” or “unacceptable” in your own personal view, and knowledge of what the character is supposed to represent. Because knowing who/what the creator is, can often skew your opinion in one way or the other. So you make your subjective opinion, if a character is actually a good, and thoughtful representation, or not. (The objective, in subjective-objective means that you get just the character, the object, without the author tagged onto it.) You’d be surprised about some results you can find when doing this with other people.

Sorry if I started rambling, but it seriously feels like I’ve seen these types of defenses a lot in the BJD community, and people acting as if people can’t have their own opinions, or views on things, or if they do, they get cancelled or called out. And if you show your genuine opinion, or find something uncomfortable, people are gonna find some way to try and make it sound like you’re the bad person, and in the wrong, for not liking something. Even if you didn’t attack anyone personally, just stated your opinion on something that happens in the community.

Also, I’m NOT a native english speaker. So some stuff might sound weird, or sound repetitive, weirdly jumbled, or lacking in proper structure. “But your English isn’t that bad!” That really doesn’t have much to do with how good I am at really explaining, or getting my point across. So if something sounds weird, that’s the reason. Because through my the lens of my languages-grammar it all seems fine.

~Anonymous

[wutroows]

a box of bandaids. peter parker

a/n: this is my first story i’m posting on tumblr. i wrote this in may and posted it on wattpad, only to delete it after a few weeks. i think this is somewhere on deviantart as well but rest assured, this is also me! nonetheless, please enjoy! warnings: catcalling & sexual comments that may make people feel uncomfortable, non-consensual touching & violence (it's marvel, what do you expect)

every day, there seemed to be more bruises. more cuts splayed all over your body. your knuckles were skinned, and your legs and arms had dark purple and blue marks all over them. whoever your soulmate was certainly got into a lot of trouble. every day, there was something else. one morning, you woke up with a deep cut in your stomach and another, a broken wrist. at first, you thought he had gotten beat up, but then you realised this happened every. day. and you began to feel bad for your soulmate. how could they go through this pain all the time?

usually, the pain came at ungodly hours of the night. on some nights, you woke up screaming and your mother had to come in and console you to get you to finally go back to bed. your mother was a lovely woman, who's soulmate wasn't your father. she first married him out of impulse, being bored. your mothers real soulmate was a woman named elizabeth, and you immediately took a liking to her. having another woman in the house was always a plus.

the pain first started about a year ago. sure, you had gotten occasional bruises or scraped knees, but nothing you couldn't handle. you noticed a small bite on your hand, it swelled badly but soon went away after a few weeks. the pain hadn't stopped since a month or so after that. you had your thoughts that maybe he was a thug, or he just liked to get into fights for fun but you soon realised that couldn't be happening during the school day. but it still was. what could he be doing during the school day where he was out, getting practically beaten almost every day?

you shook the thought out of your head, sitting the coffee cup you just took a drink of down on the table in front of you. the hot sensation of the coffee slipping down your throat burned a little. you hoped your soulmate could at least feel that, but in some ways you also wished he didn't. he already went through so much pain in the first place.

the work in front of you never seemed so boring as you sat in your local café. the words on the screen began to look like a jumbled mess as your thoughts slowly became more and more occupied with your soulmate. what did he look like? no.. you shook the thought out of your head as quickly as it got there. you would love him for his personality, though having good looks would be a plus. a smirk formed on your lips before you quickly realized what you were thinking about. you shook your head, furrowing your eyebrows before you stood up. you couldn't focus on your schoolwork like this. the paper you had to finish for your english class could wait. maybe thinking of your soulmate was just a good way to procrastinate (something you had been rather good at since a young age).

you gathered your items, consisting of a laptop and the coffee you had previously ordered from a barista named hanna, (who had her dyed purple hair tied up in a messy bun, telling you that she did not feel like being at work that morning so if your coffee was bad she apologized). you quickly made your way out of the café, putting your computer in your bag and holding onto your coffee with both of your hands in front of you. your apartment you shared with your grandmother was only a ten minute walk away. you told yourself you should've probably called an uber to get you back to your apartment before you left, but you shrugged and decided to walk home anyways.

it was dark outside, around 9 pm. the stars shined brightly over-head behind the bright lights of new york. there were just about no one walking around at the moment, and the less people you saw the more anxious you got about walking home. you regretted not calling an uber at this point, seeing the group of men a little up ahead from you. they all seemed drunk, stumbling around outside of the bar.

"hey pretty lady!" you heard one of them call, moving closer to you. you started to back away, just a little bit. you moved your keys to your apartment in between your fingers, something your grandmother told you to do if you needed to defend yourself while walking home. your heart pounded in your chest as you saw them stumble towards you.

"what's a cute little lady like you doing out here this late?" he slurred, his eyes staring you up and down like you were a piece of meat. "w-walking home." you stuttered back, not wanting to not give the man a response. you felt if you didn't this situation would get worse. "well.. me and the boys," he gestured behind him to the other three or so men behind him, "could always escort you back to your home." he finished, a sly smirk on his chapped, thin lips as he took another step towards you. "n-no thank you, now if you'll excuse me.."

you sidestepped around the man, only for his hand to find your wrist, pulling you into his side. he took a glance down your f/c shirt, making you feel even more uncomfortable than you had already felt before. "scars, huh?" he muttered under his breath, "i take it.. you like pain? a masochist?" he chuckled, his arms wrapping around your waist, your back pressed against his chest. you prayed for someone, anyone to come and rescue you at this point.

your eyes closed, slowly trying to wiggle yourself out of his grip but with each of your movements his grip seemed to get tighter. "c'mon, doll.. enjoy this. your first time is always fun.."

he dragged you into the alleyway a few feet away from his friends, they positioned themselves in a line at the entrance. you were screwed, at this point you were positive you were going to be raped. your grip loosened, slowly giving up. you weren't strong enough to fight back against this guy, whoever he was. he pushed your chest against the brick wall of the alleyway, and at this point you knew it. your first time doing anything sexual would be with this drunk pervert.

you heard a thud, and the man behind you took a glance over his shoulder. his grip on you loosened, and you took this as a chance to bring back your elbow as far as you could, elbowing him directly in the jaw. "what the fuck, lady?" he practically screamed, his hand that had been gripping onto your waist now held his jaw. "nice hit, miss!" you heard an oddly familiar voice around you somewhere. you looked ahead of you, past the man and saw the one and only spider-man coning to save the day.

"i'm sorry you have to see this, miss.." he muttered to you, before quickly punching the man in the stomach, making him bend over. spider-man brought up his foot, kicking the man so hard his back hit the wall behind him. he took a breath, "let's hope this guy doesn't get back up." he chuckled awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck. your eyes widened at the sight in front of you, "y-you saved me.." you laughed, breathlessly. you weren't necessarily out of breath, but it was more like you were in shock. queens' neighborhood hero stood in front of you.

"well.. um, yeah." he laughed embarrassedly. his voice sounded familiar, but you couldn't quite pinpoint where you knew it from because you had definitely never ran into spider-man before. "can i repay you? somehow?"

"o-oh, no, definitely no." he nodded to you, "your safety is all i need." he shook his head, "god, that sounded stupid. i sound stupid, okay, spidey, let's get it together this time." he muttered to himself, "i mean, don't." he finished, letting out a breath he probably didn't realise he'd been holding.

"you sound funny." you spoke up after a few moments, "what?" he asked, his head tilting a little bit. you could very vividly picture the face of a teenage boy with an eyebrow raised in confusion from underneath the mask. "i said.. you sound funny, spider-man." you laughed, a smile forming on your lips despite the situation that had just happened a few minutes prior. "well.. my soulmate did burn their tongue earlier. i'm beginning to think that.. they don't like me like, at all. i mean, i wouldn't like me either, i'm getting hurt all the time.." he finished his sentence with an awkward chuckle and you raided an eyebrow.

you reared your hand back and punched the wall in front of you as hard as you could and you had to hold back the urge to scream. you heard your knuckles crack on impact, you were positive you had broken at least one of them by the stupid stunt you had just pulled. you had to find out one way or another, and judging by the way he was holding his hand in his other right after you did that, you had the answer you needed.

"so.. you're my soulmate." you laughed, taking a few steps forward to be eye to eye with him. "i-i mean.. what? why did you do that i.. wait, what? you're my soulmate, oh my god.. there's no way.." he mumbled, his hands going to his mask as if he were covering up an embarrassed blush. you grabbed onto his hands with your own, letting them rest at his sides.

"can i take a guess, spidey?" you asked him, licking your lips in thought. you definitely knew the identity behind the mask, there was only one person you knew who ranted like that whenever he was talking. who told himself to shut up, out loud. "to your identity?"

he nodded, slowly. your hands came up to the ends of his mask and his hands found yours again, "peter, i know it's you." you smiled, pulling up the ends of his mask to where you could see his lips. he groaned, "how? how did you figure it out.. first mj.. now you? i can't keep doing this, y/n- i can't, all of queens will know who i am soon enough, dumb peter parker is spider-man? no way!" he let out a sigh, a small pout on his lips, clearly defeated. you held onto his hands and pulled him onto a side alleyway where you knew no one would see.

you finally pulled his mask off, and the familiar brown eyes of one of your best friends met yours. "i had my suspicions, pete.." you chuckled, your fingers weaving through his own. he ran his free hand through his hair, his eyes closing. "promise me you won't tell..?" you nodded, taking in a deep breath before continuing. "i just.. never thought we were.. soulmates." you mumbled, "but i'm glad it's you! really, i am glad but.. you put me through a shit-ton of pain, peter parker."

"i'll buy you a box of bandaids and a trip to mcdonalds."

"deal.."

you laughed, releasing his hand. you cupped one of his cheeks, leaning in just a bit to where your lips ghosted over his. "promise me one thing, pete.." he nodded, "anything, y/n.."

"stop getting hurt all the time."

with that, you leaned forwards and slowly pressed a kiss to his lips. you felt your heartbeat quicken as your lips met his. they were warm, but slightly chapped. you hadn't realised how many times you'd pictured kissing your best friend until now.

"t-the bandaids?"

"r-right, um.. yeah. the bandaids."

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