#also some mlm stuff where i did not know they were an mlm

[yuhi-san]

i watch the click since a while and due to the whole illuminaughty situation i kind of ended up listening to some tee channels as like, a background noise. i never ever heard of any of these crazy biggest youtouber they ever talk about. sssniperwolf? mrbeast? whatever that fucked up 8 passenger thing was? i'm still unsure who the fuck sean dawrson or whatever his name is. like, i never ever seen all these oh so (in)famouse people reccomended ever. from my perspective they pop out of the void with someone bringing up all their fucked up shit

Reading articles about MrBeast's dominance of YouTube is fucking bizarre because, from my perspective, the dude isn't even on YouTube. I've never watched one of his videos. YouTube has, to the best of my knowledge, never recommended one of his videos to me. Every thumbnail screenshot of his looks like something you could tell me was a photoshopped parody of YouTube culture, and I'd believe you. No one I follow on YouTube ever mentions him, even negatively or in passing. The first time I ever heard his name was in regards to the quality of his ghost kitchens. The only way I know he isn't a mass, shared hallucination is that I've witnessed the thoroughly mid-looking chocolate bars he sells at Walmart for some reason

[hp-hcs]

Can maybe request some slytherin boys with gay awakeing trope? Maybe headcanons or shorts

gay awakening headcanons — mlm! slytherin boys x male! reader

hella short cause of some ✨personal stuff✨ going on, but i just wanted to get something out 🤷‍♂️

me? blame my shitty writing skills on my current health problems? what no never

❕not proofread❕

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

mattheo

immediately has a mental breakdown

identity crisis anyone?

i feel like he would have that panicky gay moment where he realizes that his friend is actually his More Than Friend, ykwim?

like, you just do something innocuous like sling your arm over his shoulders while walking to class and babyboy just FREEZES

the second that happens, he immediately drops out of your life while he freaks out gets his shit together

like, homeboy just deadass vanishes

doesn’t show up to any of his classes

doesn't show up to quidditch practice (draco threatens to kill him for that, cousin or not)

meanwhile you’re just there like 🧍 “what did i do?”

because my lil darlin mattheo cannot healthily express any emotion ever, he would “solve” his problem by just like, purposefully running into you in the halls and kissing your cheek, then just full-on 🏃💨 SPRINTING 🏃💨 away without a word

theo

also has an identity crisis, he’s just better at hiding it

gotta save face, amirite?

but anyways-

you weren’t even doing anything out of the ordinary, you were just hanging out with him in his room and ended up lighting his cigarette for him

that’s it. homeboy is already whipped for ya.

like, straight up simp.

i feel like theo’s a “i’m definitely going to have a panic attack over this at two in the morning, but for now i’m just going to not think and enjoy 😌💅” kind of mentality

just flat out says it

“you know, you look really hot today.”

y/n: 😳😏………..💏💋😘

draco

have you ever had a friend that was so clearly Not Straight but they just kept denying it for years before finally coming out?

well that’s draco <3

you were at a party and agreed to join some kind of kissing game

like, spin the bottle, seven minutes in heaven, post office…

(does anybody actually still play post office?)

and obviously, you both end up having to kiss each other duh

homeboy is not doing well

but not in a “what?? i don’t know what’s going on!!” kind of way

in a “ah shit my friends were right every time they called me gay, fuck” kind of way <3

immediately start dating after the party and everyone’s like 🤨👀

blaise

i feel like blaise already knew/suspected, but just didn’t have the vocabulary to describe his sexuality, ykwim?

i’m getting pansexual vibes frfr

could not give less of a fuck

is just like “shit alright, d'you wanna make out then?”

i mean……..it’s not like you’re gonna say no

this man. tHIS MAN. he’d be such a gentleman omfg

also i’m not gonna say sugar daddy but sugar daddy

would absolutely buy you anything you even looked at. you looked at a ten thousand galleon wristwatch in a luxury store? it’ll be on your bed waiting for you by the time you get home

if anyone was homophobic or wtv, he wouldn’t beat them up per se, but he would do something unnecessarily extra, like wear a dress and makeup just to be like “wdym? we’re a straight couple, obviously”

(he would tell his friends about the homophobe though, and they wouldn’t be quite as composed and respectful as him 👊😠🩸😵😵‍💫)

enzo

this man seriously does not care

like, he’s just like “oh i’m queer? hahah that’s crazy”

this man has no qualms about asking you out in the middle of class in front of everyone

like, in the middle of potions or smth he’d just be like “y/n, wanna go get dinner sometime?”

and you’re like “…aren’t you straight?” 🧍

enzo: “who knows? not me! does saturday at eight work?”

he’s so silly goofy i just love him sm

this boy would be a hella fine kisser, i just know it

WOULD ASK YOU TO THE YULE BALL 🕺🕺

AND WOULD GET YOU GUYS MATCHING BOUTONNIÈRES 💐

regulus

“ah shit i owe the boys twenty galleons, fuck”

resigned, more than anything

he can’t even come out, either cause like, what would that even be?

“guys, i have to tell you something……i’m gay”

“yep. what do you have to tell us??”

you asked him out cause you thought he was gay

and he was just like 😳🤨🤷‍♂️🙂👍

you guys went to fortescue’s!!! 🍦🍨🍧

(he’s def a mint chocolate chip kind of guy i’m just saying)

y’all end up being like, the it couple at hogwarts i don’t make the rules

[dollfacefantasy]

FROM MY MOUTH TO YOURS ♡

pairing: light yagami x fem!reader x naoya zen'in

summary: light yagami is not gay. he has a girlfriend. naoya zen'in is just a special case.

cw: nsfw (18+), smut, p in v, oral sex (m receiving), anal, fingering, threesome, mlm, misogyny, internalized homophobia, infidelity & cheating

a/n: people say bring back crossover fics... bring back silly fics... so i did... my masterpiece... picture of naoya by @ sso_s__ on twitter

Light felt as though he was looking into a funhouse mirror right now. The man that stood across from him in the alley resembled him in so many ways. The blonde hair swept into pointed bangs, the seemingly permanent scowl curled onto his lips. Even this guy's way of standing matched his own.

But there were also strong differences between them. The other man's hair ended with black tips. Shining silver studs pierced his earlobes, complimenting his pretty face. His golden eyes were even framed with inky liner.

Light could never imagine looking so stylish. He'd always relied on his natural looks to impress those around him. Never had he thought about enhancing his appearance with hair dye or jewelry or makeup. That stuff should be of no concern to a god. Light decides who lives and who dies in this world. Not if he wants his eyes to have winged tips or be double lined. Still, he felt a draw to it for some reason.

He'd been walking back to his apartment when Ryuk warned him something strange was lurking up ahead. Expecting a shinigami or at least another death note owner, he crept forward on guard. But all he found was this guy, who despite his striking appearance, seemed normal. The only thing of any significance was the way he was staring back with confusion.

"Can I help you?" Light asks, the words tasting hesitant on his tongue.

"Where am I?" the other man is quick to respond, clipped and expectant.

Light blinks at the question. "Are you lost?" he responds without answering the question.

"No," he replies so fast it seems automatic, "Well... sort of."

Strange. Light pulls out his phone and flips it open, thumb ready to dial a number. "Is there someone I could call for you?"

The other man's eyes catch on the device, examining it with a combination of curiosity and dismissal.

"What do you have that old thing for?" he scoffs. "Haven't seen one of those in a while."

A frown pulls at Light's lips. Sure, the phone wasn't the most modern model, but it wasn't that old. For someone needing help, this guy had an attitude about him.

"I know it's not like the new touch screen ones they have out now, but it works for me," he says flatly with a shrug, "Now did you have anyone who could pick you up or give you a ride home?"

Despite his attempt to move the conversation forward, the stranger still seems stuck on Light's choice of electronics. His brows have furrowed together, a gleam of bewilderment taking over the golden flecks in his irises.

"You know they have ones that can flip open with a touch screen. Why don't you get one of those? I doubt that thing can even play a video without burning a hole through your hand."

Light's eyes narrow at the other man. 

A flip phone with a touch screen? Why would this guy feel the need to tell such an inconsequential lie? Does he think I'm stupid? Was this a prank or a test of some sort? But for what? He's tested nothing but my patience so far.

He shakes his head after thinking to himself, still undecided on the motives of this pretty boy.

"I don't need it to play videos. I have a computer for that. Do you want me to call someone for you or not?" he huffs.

"It's 2018, phones are computers. Why restrict yourself?"

"Don't tell me you don't know when you are either," Light retorts.

"What?"

"It's not 2018. It's 2012."

This guy glances across the alley as if he's suspicious. Of what, Light has no clue. He wasn't the one loitering around a dark alleyway as the sun went down, getting into arguments with strangers about the year and flip phones.

He almost rolls his eyes but sighs instead. "Look, I don't have all night. I'd be happy to help you, but if you don't need anything, I really should get going."

In the first bit of uncertainty from this man, he pauses. "Could I go back with you to your apartment?"

Light's brow quirks up. "I don't think that's a good idea. I don't know you, and my girlfriend wouldn't be too happy about me bringing a stranger home."

A sneer even more severe than the one he'd given before takes over the man's features. "Please. Why would I be interested in thieving off someone carrying around a flip phone? My life is much more lavish than your own, I just don't want to wait around in an alley while I decide what to do."

Light feels his own arrogance boiling within, begging to bubble over and show itself. But before he can defend himself, this guy keeps talking.

"But, if you let your girlfriend decide who is and isn't allowed in your apartment, I doubt you'd be much help to me anyways," he says.

"She isn't the one who decides, but I don't want to deal with her getting upset because I brought some random guy home."

"You make it sound like she'd be jealous," the man smirks, a hint of teasing in his voice.

The words knock the wind out of Light. He audibly sputters. 

Why would she be jealous of a man? She knows I'm not gay. It would be pointless. Why would this guy even suggest that? Does he think I'm gay? There's no way. Is he gay? He's playing at something. He wants to rile me up so I'll let him come with me. But why? I'll go along with it just to see what he wants. If anything goes wrong, I have the piece of the death note on me. All I need for that is...

"What's your name?"

"Naoya Zen'in," he answers smoothly, "And yours?"

"Light." No way he was giving away his full name to this guy. He didn't know if he had a death note of his own on him. "I'll let you come with me, Naoya. But as soon as you get yourself together, you're gone."

"Works for me. I doubt it will take long, Light," Naoya agrees and crosses the alleyway to approach him, "Let's get going."

The two of them walk side by side in silence down the narrow pathway between buildings. Silence fills the space between them. Light continues to ruminate on the previous conversation while Naoya trots with an air of smug satisfaction about him.

"So why were you even in that alley in the first place? And why don't you know what you're going to do?" the younger man asks.

"I'm not from here. Well the city, I mean. My family lives outside it. I just have to figure out what to do about getting there," Naoya says, answering the second question first, "Last night, they had a party, and those things can get kind of wild. I don't really remember how I got out here."

A simplified explanation, Light can tell. "A party? So were you drinking or something?" he inquires further.

"Something like that... my family is different than most. You can't really understand if you're not one of us. This is probably like a test or something."

"Testing your ability to call a cab or get someone to give you a lift? Sounds pretty pointless," Light says. This guy was so casually arrogant. It rubbed some part of Light in a way he couldn't explain.

"My trip home will be farther than you might think," is all the older man says back.

Another pause comes over them. The sound of their shoes on the pavement takes the place of voices. Looking down, Light notices their paces are in sync. He lags for a moment to disrupt that.

"So you were coming home from work?" Naoya asks, picking up the slack in the conversation. From the way he speaks, it seems as if asking others about themselves is foreign to him.

"Something like that," he shrugs. A sigh leaves him. 

I should try to be social. To appear normal. If this is a test of some sort, I can't let him know he got in my head.

"I work on the Kira case. The investigation team aimed at discovering his identity," he tries again.

"Kira?" the other man asks. When Light turns and looks at him, it seems as though he had no clue what any of that meant.

"Yeah, Kira," he says. There was no way there were people who still didn't know about Kira. Not believing or agreeing was one thing. But not knowing was impossible. Not after the domination he'd achieved over the world since L's death.

"Am I supposed to know what that is?"

Light scowls and grumbles in irritation. It chips at both sides of his pride, even if he doesn't want to admit it. "Very funny."

"I told you my family lives far out of the city," Naoya defends.

"You'd have to be from another world to not know who Kira is," Light shakes his head, "Just follow along. We're almost there."

Naoya shrugs and continues on behind Light as they reach the final bit of the journey to his apartment. Thunder cracks in the cloudy sky above, indicating some rain would pour down in the coming hours. The wind was picking up too. Light pulls his jacket tighter around his frame and bounces up the stairs to his floor.

He pulls the key out of his pocket when he gets there and jams it in the lock. The door creaks open, and the both of them head inside. All the lights in the apartment are still off, meaning no one else has come home yet. Before doing anything else, Light slips his coat off and hangs it up along with his bag on the sleek rack fastened to the wall. He then drops his keys and wallet on the nearby wooden side table.

Walking further into the apartment, he clicks a light on. Once Naoya can see, he scans the place. It's much neater than he would've expected from a young couple. No belongings strewn over couches or chairs, no mail piling on the counter, or furniture that's damaged but yet to be replaced.

Light heads into the living room, so Naoya trails a few paces behind. It's modest but comfortable in here. A basic sofa and a plush set of chairs. A tv on the wall that was nice for the time. The kitchen in an alcove off to the side, and then a hallway towards the back which he assumed led to the bedroom and bathroom. The two of you even had a sliding door to a balcony on the wall opposite him. He could see the angry storm clouds brewing in the distance.

The first piece of evidence that this place is lived-in sits on the bookshelf next to the tv. Naoya's eyes linger on the object the moment he notices it. A framed photograph. Bordered by silver, Light and you. Your hand cupped beneath his jaw, fingers squishing his cheeks as you plant a kiss to his face.

"Is that your girlfriend?" he asks. He tries to sound neutral, but his natural disdain seeps through.

As if snapped out of his thoughts, Light's head whips in his direction. His eyes search for what Naoya's referring to, but once he sees, he nods. A simple gesture, no real pride in it.

"Yeah, that's her."

"She's pretty, I guess."

"Yeah."

"Have you been with her long?" Naoya asks and turns to face Light completely.

The other man sits down in one of the chairs, silently beckoning Naoya to do the same.

"Yeah, about... four years now."

"Is she the only one you've ever been with?" he asks as he sits down on the couch instead.

"Yeah. The only lasting one, anyways."

"The only one you've ever fucked?"

Light's cheeks fill with color at the question. First implying he was gay, and now this? What was this guy's problem? He sits up straighter in his chair, clearing his throat and smoothing out some wrinkles in his pants.

"That's really none of your business. You shouldn't be so blunt as a guest in someone else's home. Maybe your family never taught you that."

A grin breaks out across the other man's pretty face. "It's a reasonable assumption. You two live together. You're adults."

"Then why do you even have to ask?" Light mutters. 

He's far too good at bothering me. Maybe I should try playing by his rules. Be blunt. Take the offensive. Find out if he's up to something.

"I'm just trying to figure you out," Naoya interrupts his inner monologue, "You don't have to get all defensive about it. Even if you're a virgin, I won't judge."

"I'm not a virgin," Light says quickly, putting that to rest before it can even become a debate.

In truth, his sex life with you was a sore spot. He wasn't a virgin - that was true - but that's not to say you two have sex often. A month had passed since the last time he'd been inside you. It was never bad... he just had more important things to do. He still cared about you, in a way. He always made sure to keep you safe. But he didn't have time for romance. Not while crafting a new world.

That had been a point of contention in your relationship for years, something you were constantly getting upset about. There was no way Naoya could know that from the thirty or so minutes they'd known each other though. So why was he asking?

"What are you even trying to figure out? Shouldn't you be more worried about getting home than what me and my girlfriend do in our alone time?" Light says, a bit snappier than before.

Naoya's grin becomes more fox-like. "I'm still thinking about that. Can I not wonder about you too?" he asks. When he receives no response from Light, he continues speaking. "I just thought it would make sense if you were a virgin. But it still adds up that you've never been with anyone else. That's why you let her have such a handle on you."

The words inflame Light, but he tries to suppress any reaction. "She doesn't have a handle on me. I handle her."

"Didn't seem like it when I asked if I could come over here."

Damn it. He got me there. What am I doing? I don't have to put up with this. I don't even know this guy. Who the hell does he think he is? I could have him dead in minutes if I wanted to. He should be on his knees- I mean bowing at my feet, thanking me for sparing his life.

Light's expression grows more agitated. "Well I do. I'm sure you think you're some kind of expert on this, but I doubt you've ever even had a girlfriend before," he fires back.

And Naoya laughs. He fucking laughs at him! Unbelievable.

"You're right, I've never had a girlfriend before, but I've been with tons of girls," he says.

Light rolls his eyes so hard, they're in danger of falling out of his skull. "I can't say I don't see why they didn't stick around."

"It's not them who make the decision to not go forward. I have no interest in having a girlfriend," he says simply, "Women are only kept around because God knew that men couldn't be burdened with the curse of bearing children. So he saddled women with that duty. That's their purpose. I don't understand why we have to pretend their existence should amount to anything more."

Silence fills the room after that mini-speech. Light had never heard anyone say anything so... like that. This guy's family really must have been out there.

"That's not-"

"It's the truth. Any man who says otherwise is lying or has been tricked into believing that he should love something so wholly beneath him," he continues.

Light doesn't even know how to argue with him when he seems so confident that he's correct. How did the conversation even get to this point?

"I can see it in your eyes, you know she's not your equal," he says and gestures to the picture with you on the shelf, "You don't have the connection with her that you have with even me, and I've known you less than an hour. She can't understand you."

The words are uncomfortable in Light's ears. They wriggle their way inside his head and wrap around his brain, squeezing and trying to push their sentiment onto him. Part of him felt it was true. Oftentimes, he didn't think you could understand him. Not from lack of effort, just as if it was something you're incapable of.

You'd whine at him for attention, pressing against his side on the couch in an attempt to get him to cuddle you. And he would sometimes, but not as much as you wanted. So your rants about his lack of affection never seemed to end. You never thought to look at it from his perspective. Always jumping to the conclusion that he didn't love you, never once considering that he just wasn't a physically affectionate person.

He still felt some guilt clawing at his stomach though, like he shouldn't be thinking of you like this.

As if Naoya can read his mind, he softens his words a bit for his next point. "I'm not saying you can't care about them - though, to be clear, I don't. But maybe you do care for your girlfriend. You just don't love her. She's a companion for you. Like a pet. Something that makes you feel needed."

"It's not that," Light says, "I know I'm needed. And I'm needed for much greater things than taking care of her. We've been together for a long time. And... we just... go together. I can't just get rid of her. Plus she can be useful sometimes."

Naoya nods, his brows rising into a patronizing look. Light hates it. Despises the assumption that he's weak for not hating you. It's just the truth, even when you drive him crazy and annoy him to levels he didn't think possible, he didn't hate you. He didn't feel passionate enough about you to hate.

He wants to talk about something else though; to leave this subject behind in favor of something that would put Naoya in the hot seat and make him insecure too. It's not his proudest moment, but he swings at the lowest hanging fruit he can think of.

"So... what's with the makeup and the hair? Did your dad not give you enough attention or something?"

Naoya laughs again, the winged tips of his eyeliner crinkling in amusement. "No. I'm daddy's favorite," he says, unaffected.

It stirs envy within Light, the way he could be so casual about being prodded at. He didn't get defensive at the implication or start stuttering and tripping over words. His jaw clenches as he tries to think of something else that could get to Naoya, but the older man beats him to it.

"You don't like it? Or are you jealous?"

He got him yet a-fucking-gain because Light freezes. He stares at Naoya, unsure of what to say.

"I'm not jealous. I was just curious. Most guys don't wear that stuff."

"I'm better than most guys," he says as if it's fact, "I could show you how to do it if you want."

"W-what? I can't- There's- I don't have any of that stuff."

"Your girlfriend doesn't have any makeup?" he asks, unconvinced, "It looks like she's wearing a lot in that picture."

"She does, but-"

"Then go get it, and I'll show you how. I can tell you want to. You may not like it, but you want to know."

And that was true. He was curious if anything else. That's what he tells himself as he rises to his feet and goes into your shared room. He sees you'd made the bed this morning before you left for work.

Your bedroom was visibly divided into two sectors. Light's was pristine. Clean without clutter, well-kept and functional. The made-up bed was the only part of yours that appeared that way. Pieces of your personality littered your nightstand. A pile of clothes he'd asked you to put away sat in the corner on the chair. And then in the farthest corner stood the vanity where you did your makeup.

He creeps over there as if you'd suddenly jump out from under the bed and scold him for even thinking about it. Looking down at the dark wood of the table, he finds that you're not very organized. A few different containers sit atop the surface, holding brushes and tubes of cream. You have a holder for your hair ties and combs. A rack for your perfume. Nowhere among these things though, does he find a black eye pencil.

Opening the drawers, he scans their contents. One is dedicated to eye shadow palettes, the next is filled with lipsticks and glosses. Finally the third has a thin, black stick tucked towards the back. He grabs it and returns to the living room where Naoya is still sitting on the couch.

Light makes his way over and sits on the adjacent cushion. He shoves the product into Naoya's palm, briefly getting a feel of how smooth the other man's hand is.

"Alright, sit back," Naoya says.

"What-" Light starts before his eyes widen. 

Naoya climbs on top of him. He's straddling him. Everything in Light screams at him to push him off, shove him to the floor and rocket to his feet to kick him out of the apartment. His heart thunders in his chest, his breaths shaking before they can even leave his lungs.

He can feel the heat of the other man's body above his. This close, he can see his golden eyes in detail. They look like that of a fox's, cunning and sly.

His slender fingers curl over Light's shoulders as he adjusts. He huffs out a laugh, and Light can feel the heat of his breath fan over his face.

"Calm down. I just have to get close enough or else it'll come out crooked. This is the easiest position."

Light nods and clears his throat. He exhales slowly, allowing his awkwardness about the situation to leave him. It's fine. He's just messing with him. He'll probably leave right after this. It's just fun.

But if it's just fun, why do his eyes keep darting towards the door to see if the knob rattles with your arrival?

Naoya scoots a little closer, his pelvis pressing against Light's belly. The cap of the makeup tool pops off, and he tucks it into his pocket.

"You have nice eyes, Light. Deep brown. Pretty," Naoya mutters as his fingers come up to tilt his head back against the couch.

A loud pop of thunder echoes through the sky outside. Following it is the soft pittering of rain against the balcony. Light swallows hard. He feels an involuntary rush of heat creeping up his neck. He hopes it's not visible, but he knows his wishes haven't been granted when Naoya chuckles.

"Blushing from just that? Does she give you any attention?"

And that's the bad part. You do give him attention. Tons of it. So much he feels like he's drowning most days. You adore calling him pretty boy, to which he scowls every time and tells you to quit it. You love running your fingers through his hair and complimenting the smooth texture before he swats your limb away and rolls the eyes Naoya just praised. He wasn't pushing him away though.

The pad of his thumb sweeps over Light's cheek, assessing the space it'd be working with.

"Close your eyes," he directs, his voice the softest it's been since they met in the alley.

So he does. The rich chocolate brown becomes obscured by his delicate lids. He shudders suddenly, realizing he was in an extremely vulnerable position. He'd let this man lure him straight into a trap. If Naoya did have any ill intent, he could certainly act on it now.

But he doesn't. All that happens is the tender stroke of the pen along the edge of his eye. Naoya doesn't say anything while he works. Repeated brushes of the tip ghost along his lashes. He feels the wetness dragging up into a point in the outer corner. The other eye gets the same treatment, the process done for the second time on that lid.

"Open," the man above him purrs.

His lashes flutter up as his eyes come back into view. He's met with a wild grin across Naoya's face. His heart feels like it's stalling in his chest, like it's losing its rhythm, unable to beat right under the pressure of his gaze.

"Wow," he croons, dragging the back of his finger over Light's cheek, "You look good. Almost as good as me."

This time, the heat stirs in a different part of Light's body. He tries to shut it down immediately. Think of something else.

"Let me see how I look," he says. If he saw how goofy he looked, surely any feelings of desire would dissolve.

"You should've brought a mirror," Naoya taunts as he gets up. He grabs a decorative one off the shelf and brings it back to the sofa. Instead of taking the opportunity to return to his previous spot next to Light, he returns to his lap. He holds the mirror up in front of his own face, letting Light look at his own face staring back.

He blinks a few times, watching as his lashes flutter and accentuate the deep lines Naoya had drawn. They stretch down to his inner corners up in the direction of his temples. The urge to reject what he's seeing gnaws at him, but he knows he likes it. He can't deny it.

"So what do you think?" Naoya asks and puts the mirror behind him on the table.

"It's not bad. Better than I thought it'd look." He figures it's better to give a half-truth rather than a complete lie. Less ammunition for Naoya to tease him with.

"You shouldn't have doubted my talents," he teases, "Let me do the bottoms now."

Without leaving room for argument, he guides Light's head back to where it had been before.

"Keep your eyes open this time."

Just as before, he obeys Naoya's command. He looks at the ceiling. He didn't think he'd be able to quell the feeling between his legs if he looked into those gilded eyes. The way his pupils dart away, as if running from Naoya's own, makes his thought process obvious.

"You have such good features," he praises in a murmur, "Cute nose, defined cheeks, pouty lips. Pretty."

And with those soft words he feels himself start to fill out his pants again. He squirms, trying to adjust in preparation for the worst case scenario. Fuck, this was humiliating. The only bright spot was that Ryuk had made himself scarce as soon as Naoya climbed on top of Light, so he wasn't here to mock from the sidelines. That would be the only thing that could make this worse.

Or so Light thought.

Because then the hand of Naoya's that isn't applying eyeliner comes up to cup his jaw. His thumb rubs across Light's plush bottom lip. Back and forth, tantalizingly slow.

He chokes back a whimper, but there's no way to hide the dilation of his pupils. Naoya catches it, of course. It's obvious by the way he leans in closer.

"Your lips feel just as soft as they look," he breathes before lowering his head further and replacing his digit with his lips.

Light moans into the kiss. His eyes shut again, and he melts beneath the gentle touch. Naoya takes the invitation to move in further, scooting even closer on Light's lap. His ass lands on the other man's thighs, the heat of their bodies' melding into one.

Flicking his tongue over the seam of Light's mouth, Naoya deepens the exchange. He tastes the sweetness of his saliva, and feels the smoothness of their tongues brushing against each other. Their lips move slowly, exploring each other more than anything else.

Naoya pulls back for a second to glance down at his face. "Your girlfriend... she can't understand. None of them can. They don't know what it's like to be one of us."

Light hangs on every word, and then leans up to go in for more. Naoya reciprocates, dropping the eyeliner onto the couch to leave streaks Light would have to deal with later. Kisses turn into full blown making out. Naoya still manages to get a few words out against his mouth.

"They don't understand how to please. What feels good," he mutters as a palm slides down to palm at Light's solid bulge, "I do though."

His hips buck into the touch on instinct, a gasp leaving his throat in tandem. Fuck, that felt so good. What was happening? He wasn't gay. Light was sure of that. He liked girls. Well maybe not liked, but he was attracted to them. He had you. He didn't think about guys like this.

Even with Naoya mentioning you, the thought of you doesn't cross Light's mind until he hears the sound of your voice. The feeling of Naoya's lips on his own had him too distracted to notice the cue he'd been previously waiting for.

"What the fuck?" you cut through the fog of lust with your sharp tone.

It almost doesn't feel real, like the nonsensical part of a dream that lets you know it's just that. He turns his head to look at you, to try and explain what you walked into. His lips leave Naoya's, but that doesn't deter him from planting a few kisses on Light's throat before looking over at you too.

What to say, what to say, what to say? Fuck. He couldn't use the cliche 'it's not what it looks like.' But what even was the truth? He was cheating on you, but... it didn't feel like it? He gawks at you for a moment before making the first attempt at justification.

"I- um... I swear, just let me explain to you-" he starts, but it's like you don't even hear him.

You stomp over to the couch, rage blazing in your eyes. "Is that MY fucking eyeliner?" you ask, absolutely incensed.

It was one thing to cheat on you, but to use YOUR makeup for the foreplay?? A whole other matter entirely.

"Yes," he says and moves Naoya back onto his part of the couch.

He quickly realizes that decision was a mistake though when the outline of his stiff cock against his pants becomes visible for everyone in the room. The evidence of his arousal just seems to upset you more. Tears start welling in your eyes, and Light's mind scrambles to defuse this situation before it gets out of hand.

It wasn't so much you being hurt that bothered him; rather he worried you might do something irrational to get back at him. This was the part of your relationship he didn't want to admit to Naoya. You knew most of his secrets. Being together since the two of you were eighteen, you saw so much of him. Not only could you expose what you saw right now, you had the potential to ruin his life.

He considers writing your name down on the piece of paper he keeps in his pocket, but it was far too risky. You'd know what he was doing in a second, and you had a piece on you too. You could scribble out Light Yagami just as quickly. His only hope would be that you'd be so tempted to write him out a long, horrible death, that it'd give him the advantage of time over you.

But instead of testing fate, he decides to deal with the problem head on.

"Baby," he starts, forcing out one of the pet names you always begged him to call you, "Just listen to me, ok? You have every right to be upset, but just don't do anything irrational. I can explain what happened."

You stay where you are, body visibly rigid with anger. But you don't lunge at him or storm off, so that's a good sign.

Before he can continue, Naoya scoffs from behind him, sounding more annoyed by the interruption than anything else. "Women. Creatures of pure emotion."

That does set you off. "Who the fuck even are you?"

Light reaches out for your hand and guides you to sit on the couch next to him before this can get any worse.

"That's Naoya," he begins. He then gives you a summary of the last hour and a half, leaving out a few choice parts.

Your face slowly loses emotion and retreats into a neutral expression. It both worries him and settles his nerves.

"So are you gay?" you ask at the end of his story, "Is that what you're trying to tell me? Is that why you won't touch me?"

"What?" he says defensively, "No! I'm not gay. I'm just... is that really all you took away from that?"

You shrug. 

Naoya chimes in from behind again. "You can't blame him not wanting to touch you on being gay. That just seems like the reaction any sensible person would have."

"Why the fuck are you still here?" you snap at him, "Claire's is probably missing their best customer, so feel free to leave."

"Light told you why I'm here," he smirks. He leans forward and rests his chin on your boyfriend's shoulder, looking at his face. "I think I was right before. She is jealous of me."

Light's pretty sure you're about to lunge over him and tackle Naoya through the sliding glass door, out into the rain.

"Stop," he says, shooting the other man a look.

He then grabs your hand and squeezes it, a gesture that's supposed to be reassuring.

"I'm sorry for putting you in this situation. You didn't deserve it," he says, speaking in his usual calm tone of voice, "You aren't the problem. I'm the one who felt the need to do this. I just have so much going on, and I feel trapped. I don't know where to go, so I went for the first sign of escape I could find. And that was wrong, I know. I should've just talked to you about it."

It was all what you wanted to hear, and you wanted to believe it so badly. He knew just how to play you.

"You don't have to leave though. You're important to me. You can be a part of this too."

"This isn't a porno, Light. I'm not just gonna drop my panties because you said sorry."

Your external rejection was a display meant to hide your feelings within. You hated that he wanted to continue whatever this was with this guy, but you were at least happy you had the option to be included. You wanted to believe that this was simply him getting swept up in the thrill of something new, but that he'd always return to the comfort of familiarity with you.

He reaches out and cups your cheek, pulling a little to scoot you closer. You follow along and inch over to the middle cushion.

"See? Obedient like a pet," Naoya whispers, nipping at Light's earlobe and pecking the skin beneath.

You shoot him a glare, but it does no good.  He doesn't even look your way.

Light doesn't respond to the animosity. He focuses on walking the thin line between you and Naoya, keeping this situation balanced and you from exploding and reigning hellfire upon his life.

"Good girl," he mumbles. Another name you'd asked for before. He'd have to dial it back a little in a moment, or it'd be obvious how thick he's laying it on. "Just try it for me. You'll feel much better with us then you would be sulking alone in the bedroom."

You pause, taking one last moment of hesitation. Your eyes rotate between them as you consider getting up and keeping your dignity. Lightning flashes outside and thunder follows. You know you shouldn't do this, but you can't rid the part of you that wants to please Light. That wants him to care for you like you care for him. It's so deeply rooted, that it's easier to just give in than try and weed it out.

You nod your head.

His hand pulls you all the way in, connecting your lips. He's not as passionate as he was before, but you didn't get a close enough look to know that. In a way, he feels like he's mimicking Naoya's techniques on you. You sigh softly and shut your eyes, returning the affection in full.

On Light's throat, Naoya attaches his mouth. That strikes a spark within the younger man again. His lips float up and down the column, gliding over the tender skin with precision. It works a whimper out of Light, and that's when Naoya's hand creeps around his body and slides up his thigh. His palm finds his erection, which hadn't fully dwindled yet.

"Still hard, Light? You must want me bad," he taunts before using his teeth to pull at the flesh on his neck.

He moans, and your eyes flash with jealousy. You stare into the golden spheres, hating this man you barely even knew.

Bringing your lips down, you begin to work on the other side of Light's throat. You lap at his pulse point before attaching your lips and sucking a little mark onto the pale expanse. In tandem, your hand slides down his chest to rest on his thigh teasingly.

As if switching positions with you, Naoya rises to Light's lips. He resumes the kiss that you had interrupted. And even with your hand getting closer down below, he keeps his own cupped over Light's cock, like he's his instead of yours.

Light whimpers from all the attention on him. He sinks back into the plush cushions, and both you and Naoya follow along. His eyes droop closed, allowing him to just feel. 

Without the visuals, he can still tell the touches of Naoya and you apart. Your lips are smaller, your touches more delicate. Your fingers linger and tease, coaxing a reaction. Naoya goes for what he wants, and what he wants is Light to squirm and whine. He paws and grabs, rough squeezes and harsh bites between kisses. He makes his heart pound and his head spin, struggling to keep up.

Before he knows it, a familiar hand is creeping up his shirt while one he doesn't recognize so well slides into his pants. He gasps as Naoya's fingertips make direct contact with his dick. They swipe at the sensitive tip, rubbing the ridge and drifting across the slit. His hips writhe, pushing him further back into the couch.

You huff. It wasn't fair. Of course you wouldn't be able to make Light feel as good when you only had access to his upper body. It was an unfair disadvantage, but you decide to try your hardest anyway. Your nails lightly scrape circles around his nipples, teasing the buds but not touching them just yet

His eyes snap open and dart to you. You'd never tried that before. "Wh-what are you doing?" he asks.

"Nothing, baby. Just trying to make you feel good," you whisper. 

You didn't understand how you touching his nipples earned him questioning you, but this guy he'd known for two hours could hold his balls in the palm of his hand without a shred of hesitation. You just decide to silence your annoyance by leaning in to kiss him again.

Naoya had left Light's lips in favor of pushing down the man's pants and watching his cock leak and drool. Shimmery beads of precum oozed out of him with each firm tug to his cock.

"So much coming out of you already... we should get to the good stuff so you don't cum too early," he mocks with one last squeeze to Light's shaft.

He then stands up and removes his own clothing. You follow suit and do the same for yourself, not wanting to be unmatched.

At first, Light lazily watches the both of you, taking in the sight of your breasts and Naoya's toned stomach. But once Naoya's removed his shirt and discarded it to the floor, Light's eyes lock on the other man.

Silver piercings shine through Naoya's nipples, and it's obvious Light's never seen anything like it before. He studies them as though he's discovering something for the first time. His jaw doesn't drop, but it might as well have from how wide his eyes are.

You drop the rest of your clothes without much effort, annoyed by the lack of attention from your boyfriend. Meanwhile, Naoya takes his time. He peels off his pants, building the seductive tension with a measured pace.

Crawling back onto the couch, you nuzzle Light's neck like a kitten, cooing in his ear. "Need you inside me, baby. Want you so bad."

He nods vaguely, your words clearly going in one ear and shooting right back out at you. His eyes are still on Naoya, who's now standing there stroking his own cock to full attention.

You scowl. Of course, Naoya's length is as pretty as the rest of him. It's a good size with a proud head that makes even you crave a taste. He's well-groomed, everything about him, enticing.

He smiles at your boyfriend, arrogance written all over his face. "You can fuck your little girlfriend, Light. And she can get me ready for you."

Without a second thought, Light nods, and suddenly, he's much more invested in you. He guides you to lay back on the couch and gets to his knees at the end of you. Naoya takes up the spot next to your head, leaning against the cushions for stability.

Disrobing the rest of the way, Light lines up his dick to your entrance, faster than he'd ever done when it was just the two of you. He slides the tip in, grunting at how tight you are. Your slick coats him inch by inch until he's bottomed out.

Up top, Naoya strokes your hair and looks down at you with sinister intent. His cock awaits your mouth inches away from your lips.

"Use any teeth, and I'll make sure you have none left before I'm done with you," he says lowly.

Your eyes harden into a glare, but when the reddened head bumps your lips, you accept it. The shaft slides over your tongue to the back. The man above you lets out a groan and tilts his head back.

"Mmmm... she's got a good mouth," Naoya hums, "You teach her that, or is she just naturally such a slut?"

Light had been focused on rabbiting his hips against your center, finding some relief from how worked up he'd gotten. The words bring him back to reality. He looks up at the other man, taking a second to process the question.

"Oh... she's always been good at that," he says.

And it was the truth. You gave good blowjobs, and Light's favorite part about them was that they made you feel connected to him or something. All he had to do was sit back, close his eyes, and let you make him cum, and you wouldn't bitch about the lack of intimacy between you two.

He curls his fingers into your thighs harder, lifting them a bit so he has leverage to fuck into you harder. Sounds of your elicit activities fill the room. Skin claps against skin while you gag on Naoya's cock. Hips pump against your face, a hand cupped on the back of your head to make sure you take it all. You can barely breathe. Your nails dig into the cushions, and your body squirms more in an attempt to find some reprieve.

All Naoya does is laugh. He grins wider as he watches you struggle beneath him. His hand extends to paw at your breast and casually tweak a nipple, bringing broken whimpers from you in between the garbled groans.

"Look at you," Naoya coos. He doesn't even know you, but it seems he can't help mocking. "This is what you're good for, huh? Light's been too soft on you. Hasn't shown you your place."

The lack of oxygen makes the words roll over you like water. You keep sucking the best you can as Naoya fucks your face and Light pounds into your cunt. They both thrust with one thing in mind: their own pleasure. You're nothing more than a conduit between them.

Soon, that changes. Naoya pulls his dick from your mouth. It drips and gleams with your saliva. You inhale deeply, enjoying the fresh sensation of air hitting your lungs. He steps back and goes down to stand behind Light. His hands land on your boyfriend's sides, rubbing up and down the lean expanse of his torso.

"Feeling good? Is she tight?" he whispers as he kisses up the other man's neck, nosing at his undyed hair.

"Y-yeah," Light stammers. He feels like he's gonna malfunction.

His hips rock without error, seemingly unable to stop ricocheting into the warm, wet embrace of your pussy. Naoya scrapes his nails down Light's stomach and scratches at his v-line. His back arches and a series of whimpers pours from his lips.

"I bet you're even tighter."

Light's previously drooping eyes widen, and before he knows it, Naoya's hand has slid to his ass, fingers already prodding at his entrance. He whimpers again, trying to think of a question or a protest. This couldn't be happening.

But then it does. Two digits slip inside. And fuck, it feels so right.

Back and forth, back and forth. He maintains the steady rhythm while fucking you. From your angle, you're not totally sure what he's doing, so you let your head fall back and bliss out.

"That's right," Naoya breathes, "Fuck yourself back on my fingers. Stretch yourself out for the real thing."

And Light continues to do just that. Naoya keeps it at two fingers, never trying out a third. After he believes the other man's had enough practice, he pulls his fingers out, relishing the needy mewls Light makes.

He slots his wet dick between his cheeks before slowly pushing it in. Light has to stop for a moment. Give himself some time to adjust to the feeling of being full. A shiver sweeps up his body, and he clutches the dough of your thighs harder.

Naoya soothes the sensation by rubbing a hand up and down his spine rhythmically. Once he's calmed down, the same hand slides into his soft locks and grips hard. He yanks him, forcing his back to arch, and fucks into him harder.

You can clearly see what's happening now, but even if you couldn't, the loud moan Light lets out would have clued you in. He whimpers, still moving inside you a bit, but the movement of his body is more controlled by the force Naoya's using to pummel into him.

His eyes roll back and his jaw goes slack. He'd never felt anything like this.

"What'd I tell you? I understand," Naoya grunts, "You're never gonna be able to go back when you've had a taste of this."

Light shakes his head, though he feels so hazy, he's not sure if the motion is clear. As he becomes more used to the feeling, he starts to be able to move against you a little more. You reach a hand down and rub at your clit. Light didn't seem to be too concerned with getting you there, so you would ensure you made it yourself.

The extra stimulation on your clit makes you tighten up on Light's cock. He whines and bites his lip as Naoya continues fucking him mercilessly.

"You gonna cum? Fill her up while I fill you," he grunts behind him.

Light nods, body growing shakier as his orgasm comes closer.

Only a few more desperate swirls on your bundle of nerves, and you reach your peak. You spasm around Light, writhing on the couch beneath him. He can't take it, the feeling of Naoya battering a sweet spot inside he didn't even know he had combined with your walls trying to milk him dry.

With a whimper, his cock starts to spurt inside you. It kicks with each rope of cum, his hips twitching in between the two bodies on either side of him. His head falls back to rest against Naoya's sweaty shoulder. The other man's breaths feel cool on his own slick skin.

Naoya can tell he's cumming from how his body moves and takes it as an invitation to pump his own load deep inside of Light. He thrusts all the way in and lets loose, moaning as his release floods the other man. He fucks it in a few times, noting every little twitch or sound Light makes.

When all is said and done, the room is quiet. The only sounds are the harsh breaths leaving each of your lungs, and the tail end of the storm raging outside.

Naoya's the first to pull out, easing his cock from Light's hole. He watches a bit of cum leak out afterward and grins at the sight.

Light goes next, slipping out of you and crumpling down onto the sofa.

You stay where you are for the moment, just taking in what happened.

The silence feels awkward for you and tense for Light but satisfying for Naoya.

You need some time. You can't think while they're both sitting right there. Standing up, you stretch your limbs a little. You intend to just leave, but then your eyes catch on the black eye pencil from earlier.

Your eyes narrow at Light when you snatch it from the couch.

"You and your boyfriend better buy me new eye liner," you pout before turning on your heel and making your way to the bedroom.

[super-who-locked-me-in-here]

Pieces of media my mom has seen and the popular MLM ships in them that she doesn't think are gay:

MCU - Stucky (note that she does get a kick out of Stony stuff and she believes wholeheartedly that those two hate fucked in a not-filmed scene of Avengers 2012 so this is not about her thinking "oh Captain America is so straight-laced because he's the ideal American man" or anything)

MCU - Poolverine (she's fully aware and accepting of the fact that both Logan and Wade are canonically queer characters but she thinks all the flirting Wade did with Logan in the newest movie didn't necessarily mean anything because "he talks like that to everyone". Side note though: while she believes Wade should be with Vanessa, she does think that Logan can and should shoot his shot with Wade after Vanessa inevitably dies since he and Wade are both immortal. It's just that she thinks Wade should get his happy ending with Vanessa first.)

MCU - Lokius ("Mama have you ever seen a man fix another man's tie like that" "No but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen! I wouldn't know though; it's been like 15 years since I worked a corporate job.")

Sonyverse/Marvel - Symbrock ("They literally have a symbiotic relationship. That doesn't make them gay." So I showed her the comics where Eddie calls Venom "love" and gives birth to Venom's babies and she said "Fine you win but please never show me alien man birth ever again."

Supernatural - Destiel ("They're like Steve and Bucky! They're brothers in arms! They've been through hell and back together!" Note that she only watched through season 5 but she does know about a lot of their later interactions because I told her about them)

House M.D. - Hilson ("Dot I watched that whole show and they were never anything more than good friends" "What about when House admitted to thinking about Wilson during sex? What about that whole episode where they pretended to be gay for each other to prove a point to a neighbor and Wilson proposed? What about that whole episode where Wilson had to furnish the apartment and House told him not to let a woman tell him what to do but Wilson let House tell him what to do? What about the whole ending?" "Why can't two men just be close enough friends to joke about that stuff with each other?"

Real life - Me and my best friend of the same gender orientation who I've kissed multiple times and have had a requited crush on for years that neither of us have ever persued for logistical reasons (I literally used me and this friend to try and prove my mom wrong about Stucky and Destiel. I asked her if she thought me and this friend were like brothers and she said yes with a straight face)

Sherlock - Johnlock (to be fair this is the BBC ship name, but she doesn't think any iteration of Sherlock Holmes and John Watson are the slightest bit gay. "They're business partners and roommates.")

Our Flag Means Death - BlackHands (Should go ahead and say that I'm not really a BlackHands shipper myself; we both really enjoyed Stede and Ed's romance in the show. BUT it takes so much away from Izzy's character and his development if you don't acknowledge that he was jealous of Stede and in love with Ed, at least a little. My mom thought Izzy was just an extremely loyal first mate.)

Also, for the record, I'm not trying to call my mom out as homophobic. I'm queer and so are two of my siblings and she's very supportive of us. There are gay romcoms she enjoys like Our Flag Means Death and Red, White, and Royal Blue. The reason I'm making this list is because I think it's really funny how she doesn't understand the concept of queerbaiting (not that all of the above listed ships are queerbaiting). She thinks things are either explicitly straight or explicitly queer (whether it's gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc) and cannot comprehend the idea that some character relationships are deliberately pushing the boundaries of straight friendships into queer relationships to get more minority viewers and I think her explanations are funny.

[menofprogress]

Here are some of my hot (or maybe tepid) takes about arcane:

(Under the cut bc i got wordy lol)

-the show could have used another season or like at least 5 more eps per season. Thats not a dig at the creators bc we know they were already forced to cut stuff out, but imho it shows a little, esp in s2. I fully believe Sevika was one of the biggest victims here, i genuinely believe she had an arc in s2 act 3 that was fully cut. And her being one of the biggest defenders of zaunite independence also means that by cutting her they basically gutted that storyline.

-the sheer lack of time with some characters also means that i simply did not connect with some of them, which made their deaths kind of underwhelming. Like i gasped when loris, isha, elora and sky died, but i cant say i was actually sad. That might be a me problem, but i need a little more time and info on a character to feel literally anything about them.

-on the other hand: we need to accept that sometimes background or minor characters are just that. No they werent robbed, no they werent underwritten, theyre simply not that important and thats OK bc theyre characters, not real people. You dont need to give equal attention to all characters for it to be "fair". And i sometimes feel like ppl think they HAVE to bemoan this. esp when its a female character a lot of fans talk about "sidelining" or "theyre using them as a plot device!!" Buddy, sometimes characters are literally just there to move the plot along, thats not inherently a social justice issue. (Ive seen this the most with sky and lest and like.... sorry, they were never gonna be more important than this. They can still be your fave, but just bc you wanted to see more of them doesnt mean they were sidelined for nefarious reasons)

-however sometimes the problem isnt that a character got too little screentime. S2 is a perfect example to show you can do a lot of character work in less time (viktor, ekko) and little character work with a lot of screentime (vi, sorry). Viktor and ekko were missing for entire episodes and managed to have full character arcs and vi was kind of there the whole time, but stuff just happened to her? Like she does do a lot, she looks incredibly cool, i liked watching her scenes, but her motivations, her goals and her values are ALL over the place. I love caitvi, but it did kinda ruin vis integrity when she threw away core beliefs (she becomes an enforcer, she temporarily agrees to kill jinx, she participates in chem warfare against the undercity) for cait. Hmmmmm.....

-i wasnt that deep in the fandom in s1 so i might have simply missed it or i might just not be following assholes, but the "jayvik shippers hate mel" thing never made sense to me. NOT because i dont believe it, bc i sure as hell have seen enough mlm shippers be fully misogynistic or racist, but the way ppl (mainly meljay shippers lbr) talked about jayvik shippers being horrible to mel like it was this HUGE thing confused me bc i personally have seen like 2 fanfics where they horribly mischaracterise mel to be a viktor-hating bitch, but thats it? Like, was that an actual problem or was it ppl deliberately misunderstanding stuff? (One specific example: ive seen someone accuse jayvik shippers of being misogynists bc they accused mel of manipulating jayce and sidelining Viktor. Which is a canonical thing happening in the show. Like ofc you can word it in a way to make mel a horrid evil bitch, im sure there are ppl who DO hate mel and think she is an evil succubus, but this person in particular just seemed upset about the fact that ppl were talking about things that mel canonically did.) This is a genuine question, bc from my pov after s1 mel was one of the fan faves and jayvik wasnt THAT big of a deal until s2. I literally saw a hundred times more jayce hate than i did mel hate, but maybe thats not the universal arcane fandom experience? Like, again, i HAVE seen (for lack of a better term) fujoshis get wildly hateful towards female characters in the vicinity of their ship, i was just pleasantly surprised that the arcane fandom seemingly DIDNT. So the unrestrained resentment and bitterness of some fans after jayvik "went canon" caught me off guard.

-the reason i ask this: i saw a video where someone talked about some rando homophobic timebomb fans who apparently resented caitvi for getting a happy ending instead of jinx and ekko. So i commented "i s2g het-shippers act like theyre an oppressed group sometimes" to which another person responded "well jayvik fans were really shitty about mel, soo...." and i was so fucking confused bc what? The video wasnt even about mel or jayvik?? They just heard me make a snarky comment about het ships and immediately felt called out. But yeah thats what prompted my question.

-i dont get the thirst for the fish man. I get the salo thirst even less. I cheered when jayce bonked him.

-i actually dont want jayce or viktor to appear in future projects. While i love the idea of them being ~not dead~, i think any further canonical storylines about them would devalue the extremely emotional ending they had. Like, imagine if they only bring one of them back?? What then?? No, i actually prefer post-canon fix it fanfics in this case. (Cough cough esp bc this way i can still plausibly delude myself into them being actually canon and yall KNOW it probably would not stay this way if their story continues)

[astralexpressarchives]

The Renheng Iceberg Explained

Alright so there's this renheng iceberg on twitter that I was recently informed about. I'm wayyy too deep into the lore so I skipped to the bottom and everything there was stuff I was already more than familiar with.

So I figured why not put all this information to some use and make a post explaining the more obscure items on the iceberg and leaving out the self-explanatory ones, doing my best to reference as well as possible.

Blade gazing at Imbibitor Lunae statue

This was a hidden interaction where you could find Blade standing near the statue of Imbibitor Lunae at the scalegorge after revealing Dan Heng's vidyadhara form. He says he is 'mourning for folly' and asks you if Dan Heng is happy. You can watch a video about this here.

Good friends who are bad for each other

This is Kafka's description of what she knows about Blade and Dan Heng's history in her companion quest. This answer is a "truth" in her game of truth and lies.

"Apparently, they used to be good friends... Well, good friends who were bad for each other. Bladie forgot nearly everything, so he doesn't remember well. Together, they did something bad — something terrible. It led to horrific consequences. That's the information I managed to piece together. Bladie refused to tell me the details."

Dan Heng gets nightmares about blade

We see this in-game in the cinematic leading up to the Xianzhou questline. This is also suggested in the Only Silence Remains lightcone description.

Matching Jade Ornaments

Referring to this idea.

There is also a vidyadhara egg that says:

"You edge closer to the pearlescent shell and have a dream in which you are a Pearlkeeper who rides the waves, and travels across the ancient sea with your true love. The time you have spent with your lover is full of happiness, but the time of hatching rebirth is determined by destiny. You secretly put a jade pendant in your mouth so your lover can recognize each other in the next life."

And considering that DH:IL 4 story has him refusing to speak during the entirety of his interrogation, death sentence, and final verdict, it definitely leaves room for imagination.

Bracer Lore

This one encompasses a few of the other ones on the iceberg, too. Really, it's worth reading the entirety of the Passerby of Wandering Clouds relic set lore. Keep in mind all relic sets are in chronological order of head/gloves/body/feet. The bracer also mentions this part about 'That owner also once shared company and drinks with the unnamed, the two of them simply gazing at the moon with no words exchanged.' This has an interesting meaning in CN that tells us this drinking was an engagement ceremony. People thought this must be a typo but, despite many tickets from people, their only response has been that they're unable to comment further. They still haven't changed it as of patch 1.4.

Dan Heng polishes and gaze longingly at Cloud Piercer

A recent addition in patch 1.4 where Pom-pom now says:

"Passenger Dan Heng often carefully maintains and polishes his spear. Although the Express is very safe, it seems that he is not willing to drop his guard. Hmm, Pom-Pom can tell that when he polishes his spear, there isn't just alertness in his eyes, but a glint of longing, too. Don't underestimate me, Pom-Pom had dealt with all kinds of different passengers!"

I'm sure by now everyone knows that cloudpiercer was made by Yingxing (Blade).

You can see screenshots of this interaction in this post.

Mirror Inverted Colours

Apparently, a big part of CN character design focuses around the concept of inverted colour palette designs for ships. Because Blade and Dan Heng share inverted colours, this is considered a good sign for the ship as it indicates they were most likely designed together.

Danmei Coded

Danmei is the CN genre for mlm. It has a lot of stereotypical tropes that are very common in this genre and apply to renheng also. My personal opinion is that renheng is very similar to something written by Meatbun in particular - this is a danmei author who wrote erha, yuwu, and casefile compendium. The associated tropes are:

Lovers to enemies back to lovers angst timeline often including misunderstandings involving tragic betrayal

Black/red character x white/blue/green character

Under the moonlight

Amnesia and/or reincarnation themes

Protag did something that made everybody turn on them + complicated political drama plot

Redemption in death/isolation/retreating from the world at the end

Waiting frankly ridiculous amounts of time to be with the lover again

One character pursuing the other character literally

One character considered dead or demonic in some capacity, the other is ethereal and godly

Mortal x immortal

Afterlife/spirit realm shenanigans usually involving fractured souls as a result of torment

Contrasting personalities + others don't think they should get along/are bad for each other (usually the deviant personality is considered to be corrupting the noble/revered personality in some way which often involves a rebellion)

Mirrored Ultimates

Their ultimate animation sequences are very similar with close eyes with weapon - open eyes - attack.

And both of their ultimates take place in different versions of the same location:

Vidyadharas can't identify items belonging to their past yet Dan Heng got the bracer, jade pendant(?), and cloud piercer

There is an NPC named Lingling in the alchemy commission who is responsible for assisting in vidyadhara hatching rebirth. She collects the personal belongings of vidyadhara who claim that they want to keep the items for their next life. She says that:

From what I've seen, most Vidyadhara lack emotions fresh after their rebirth, and are unable to understand the sentiments of their previous selves. Not a single one has ever been able to identify which one of these items used to belong to them.

This is a big indicator that DH = DF and that their romance will be continuing in this life, too. We know from Passerby of Wandering Clouds relic set that Dan Heng is still in possession of the bracer because of the line: "His fingertips could still faintly feel the temperature from the other."

The stars always accompany the moon

This is a reference to their names in CN where the Xing in Yingxing means moon and the Yue in Yinyue jun (Imbibitor Lunae) means Moon. Their ship name Xingyue means Star and Moon, which is often why you will see them referred to with the Star/Moon emojis as well as the sword/leaf emoji.

Blade came to see Dan Heng blushing when Xiyan asked him to act the character in his story

This is referring to this video on weibo where Dan Heng is talking to Xiyan. You can see the characters in the crowd then Dan Heng starts blushing. The next time you see the crowd, Blade has arrived third from the right.

"Eternal Regrets of a High Elder" and "Dreams from a Past Life"

These are arias from the Cloudcry Songbook written by a Vidyadhara named Lingjie who reincarnated into Chunfen. Lingjie was an opera singer and apparently a big fan of Dan Feng and his romantic life.

My friend wrote the poem analysis of both of these arias. I would strongly recommend reading her translations.

TW: These translations do include mentions of a new leaked poem. Some of the content is NSFW.

Dan Heng named himself "Dan Heng" due to the "Dan" character carved by Yingxing/Blade

We know that Vidyadhara do not usually name themselves based on their past lives as they have no attachment to them. The other iteration of Dan Heng was named Yubie for example. Dan Heng's name in CN is  丹恒. The Dan 丹 means red/pellet/powder/cinnabar. You can see Dan is inscribed on his spear that Yingxing made for him, thus the logical conclusion is that Dan Heng saw the inscription and chose it as his name.

The Star of the East (Jupiter, Wood Star)'s god is Ying Xing, and their guardian beast is Azure Dragon/Canglong/Qinglong

This one is the only one I didn't understand when I first saw it, so I had to request the help of my CN knowing friends to figure it out.

Yingxing's name is 应星 (where the 星 means star).

The CN god of Jupiter Taisui Xingjun 太岁星君 is known as Yin Jiao 殷交

Jupiter is the planet associated with the Chinese wood element, known as the wood star

Azure Dragon is known as Canglong or Qinglong in CN. This is the guardian of Jupiter (the wood star).

Blade's fansong equates Yingxing with 听星 (judging star) which is an alias for Taisui Xingjun

You can read my friend's explanation of the relevant line in the fansong below.

Dan Feng's crime was inspired by Chang'E, the moon goddess for stealing an elixir of immortality and Yingxing was inspired by Hou Yi, a mortal and husband of Chang'E (he was given immortality but didn't, this parallels and contrasts Yingxing's immortality)

So there's actually a bit more to this. I'm going to just use my friend's explanation here:

According to Shang dynasty’s Guicang, It is said that there is a moon maiden who escaped to the moon after stealing an immortality pill. This story was eventually given more details: The moon maiden became known as Heng’e 姮娥, who was the wife of Hou Yi - the hero who shot down the 9 suns. Hou Yi was given an immortality pill/herb as a reward, but Heng’e stole it and flew to the moon. In some versions, upon finding out, Hou Yi tried to shot down her to prevent her from floating to the moon, but he hesitated and ended up choosing not to in the end because he still loved her. In the moon, Heng’e stayed in a palace called 廣寒宮 (the Vast Palace of Coldness) and cursed to be separated from her husband, alone with only the moon rabbits and the immortal osmanthus tree forever. Later on, her name was changed to Chang’e 嫦娥 because Emperor Wen of Han’s name was 劉恆 Liu Heng, and so the 姮 Heng part of her name became a taboo. The interesting here is that 姮 (Heng’e), 恆 (Liu Heng), 恒 (Dan Heng) are all alternative ways to write the same character, 姮, which originally means moon, Heng’e. In addition, we also have a lot of official artworks depicting Dan Heng with the moon and osmanthus flowers:

Yeah so I think that just about covers everything. I left out the ones that were self-explanatory but if anyone is still confused about any of them I can try to elaborate further in the replies.

[duchessonfire]

Savior Carl!AU re-read Part 2 Chapter 4

Follow-up of my re-read of Part 2 Chapter 3. If you're not interested and don't want to have your dashboard spammed, you can block the tags Duchess reads and Savior Carl AU reread.

Commentary for Part 2, Ch 4 below the cut (spoilers for part 2 ahead):

Okay first of all, early 2024 Duchess, why are you writing "the man" everywhere?? I have had to edit over 15+ "the man"s in this chapter. WHY???? JUST SAY 'NEGAN' OR 'HE'!! I feel like as writers we tend to fear repetitions, but one thing I've learned over time is that the brain doesn't register stuff like the main characters' names or very common pronouns such as "he" or "she". If there's a repetition that appears glaring it's more "the man" or "the boy" because that's definitely not that common. Another thing I tend to fear is confusion, especially in mlm ships where both characters are refered to as "he", but honestly just looking at the context helps clear that up most of the time.

Alright, now that this is out of the way, let's talk about one of my fave chapters ever.

These scenes in the infirmary/parking lot were definitely supposed to be THE sexy moments of part 2 because, back when I was writing it, I didn't mean for part 2 to have any real smut, which I planned to hold off on until part 3. However, when I was writing the last chapter, it soon became clear that the smut was going to happen earlier than expected.

Now, let's start at the beginning, which is Carl becoming officially a member of the Saviors:

When Carl makes them stop for a fifth time, Big Richie growls, “He ain’t gonna be happy.” “Yeah? What’s he gonna do? Throw me back in the cell?” The Savior frowns at his acerbic tone. “Man, what crawled up your ass and died? You got a beating. Welcome to the fucking club. We’ve all been there. The Doc will patch you up and then it’s business as usual. Just be grateful you ain’t on the fence after the shit you pulled.” Carl huffs petulantly but he knows Richie is right. He’s caught a lucky break until now. Negan never disciplined him the way he did the rest of the guys, no matter how many times Carl stood up to him. If he had been any other soldier, he would have gotten an attitude-check the second he told Negan to go fuck himself that day in the mess hall, when he had humiliated Carl into making a sandwich. Instead, Negan had given him a pass, and then afterward, when he’d saved his life, he had let even more things slide, never doing more than playing fucked up mind games that sent Carl chasing after his own tail like a mad dog. He can’t complain, not after riding the gravy train for so long. He’s a Savior now, and that means following the same rules as everyone else. His shoulders deflate and he adjusts his grip on the wall to start climbing down again. Seeing his resignation, Big Richie tells him almost consolingly: “Hey. It ain’t so bad. At least you’ll get pain pills out of it. I’ll trade you some good shit for them. Just come to me first, ok?”

I've mentioned before that I really enjoy writing the background characters of Sanctuary and this is a good example of that. To me, the Saviors are this sort of frat house, this boys' club of adults that are basically reverting back to a teenage state because of the very high-school/college campus atmosphere that Negan is fostering. The Saviors know they're the jocks/cool kids, but they are also very much the first recipients of Negan's mercurial temper. Negan doesn't bother disciplining the workers himself, cultivating instead a sort of detached paternal/benevolent god attitude. With the Saviors, however, it's very much a rough coach-football players type of relationship. By getting punishment from Negan, Carl won a badge of honor that he didn't even know he was missing before. He's only realizing now that the preferential treatment that Negan had given him until now had further isolated him from the other Saviors, who kept their distance from this strange teacher's pet who spent so much time alone or with Negan himself. Carl becomes aware of this when Big Richie gives him a metaphorical clap on the back and tells him that becoming Negan's punching ball is part of the job. Now that Carl has received a beating, he's officially one of them.

Now, for the infirmary scene:

“Finally,” Negan exclaims when Big Richie leads Carl into a small medical room. He’s standing with his hip cocked against a brown exam table, rocking Lucille through the air back and forth. Next to him, Carson is busy doing his inventory, though Carl is pretty sure it’s just a front considering how the Doc keeps sending nervous glances at the baseball bat. “I was starting to think my favorite little serial killer had kicked the bucket during the night. Sure would have been a shame, after all the great progress we made yesterday.” He straightens up and takes a long look at Carl. “Jeez, you look worse than the shitbags of the fence. I gave you a whole damn day to yourself and you couldn’t even take a shower?” He rolls his eyes. “Big Richie, get him some clothes that don’t reek of piss. And close the door behind you. Let’s give the kid some privacy for fuck’s sake,” he calls out as Richie exits the room, his tone mockingly indignant. The door clicks shut and Carl becomes hyper aware of the fact that he’s trapped in a small room with Negan. Judging from the way Carson gulps nervously, he’s not the only one. “Well, come on, Doc. Do your thing. Can’t you see the state he’s in?” Negan tuts, but his rakish smile contradicts his feigned disapproval. He saunters to the other end of the cramped room and settles near a metal cabinet. There is a glass jar full of lollipops next to his elbow and he shoves his fingers inside, grabbing a handful of candies. He puts them in his pocket, save for one which he starts unwrapping.

All of this was inspired directly by canon. In The Cell episode, Negan has Daryl beaten up and when Dwight brings him to the room that Negan hopes will be Daryl's, he tuts disapprovingly when he realizes that Daryl's bruised lips prevent him from drinking a glass of water, and he then berates Dwight for not thinking of giving Daryl a straw in the first place - which is the summum of hypocrisy when Negan is the one responsible for Daryl's bruised face. This is one of those little cruelties that make Negan's character so delightful, turning sadism into a schoolyard game. The lollipops, of course, are from the Hostile and Calamities episode when Carson is fixing Dwight after a beating - ordered by Negan, again - and Dwight grabs a handful of lollipops from the jar in the exam room. Do I obsessively rewatch seasons 7 and 8 until they overtake my brain completely? Yes. Yes, I do.

“No painkiller,” Negan says suddenly, and they both turn toward him. He’s been silent until now, watching without a word while Carson probed Carl’s wounds and disinfected the occasional cut. He pops the candy out of his mouth, his eyes now deadly serious. Dr. Carson looks between Carl and Negan, conflicted. “The ribs will hurt a lot. I really think it’d be better if—” “He can take it. Right?” The question is aimed at him, a clear challenge, and Carl realizes then that just because he killed the worker like Negan wanted him to doesn’t mean the punishment is over. He knows it’s another test, but at least he knows the answer to this one. Shane made sure of it. “I can take it,” Carl says, his answer meant for Carson but the defiant tone aimed at Negan. Judging from the way his eyes twinkle, he gets the message. He puts the lollipop back into his mouth and Carl gets a glimpse at his pink tongue wrapping around it before his lips close on the white plastic stem.

One of my fave things about these two is how they get in their own little bubble and have this understanding between them that leaves the other people around completely puzzled. Carson doesn't understand why Negan would deny a Savior painkillers out of the blue. If a Savior is punished, he doesn't get medical care, period. But Carl knows what it's about. It's another test, another way Negan wants Carl to prove his worth. Because of course Negan's favorite boy isn't afraid of pain. I love writing Carl as a badass who takes pain without flinching so this scene was an absolute joy to write. These two are soulmates so someone as sadistic as Negan would inevitably fall for the one person in Sanctuary who isn't scared of pain.

A gloved hand appears in his field of vision and drops clean clothes on the table in front of him. Richie must have brought them at some point, Carl probably too busy biting back agonizing screams to notice. He slowly turns his head to look up at Negan who’s peering at him from under his lashes, his cheek bulging out from the lollipop still in his mouth. “Attaboy,” he murmurs. A dark and shameful thrill runs through Carl at the praise. Negan leans forward, the plastic stem of his candy grazing Carl’s sweaty temple. “Just between us, I got a lil’ bit hard watching you take it so well.” Carl’s face heats up, from degradation, or disgust, or something else he can’t hope to name. Negan chuckles and turns on his heels, walking out of the room. Carl knows he’s waiting for him outside the door when he hears him whistle another cheerful song. Negan isn’t done with him yet.

In case you were wondering, yes, Carson heard the whole exchange and, yes, he was deeply disturbed by it. Only a handful of people notice the growing sexual relationship between Carl and Negan, and Carson is one of them.

He just wants to leave, to go back to his room and sleep some more. Maybe have something to eat, considering he can’t even remember the last meal he’s had, but then Negan straightens from where he’s slouched against the wall and stands toe to toe with him. The side of his cheek goes round as he rolls the candy with his tongue. Never letting his eyes off Carl, he grabs the plastic stem between his fingers and takes the candy out with a wet and sucking sound, his lips wrapping around it one last time, leaving them pink and shiny. He offers the gleaming lollipop, the head of it an inch away from Carl’s mouth. “Open up,” Negan says. Carl’s breath catches in his throat and he freezes, a deer in headlights. His eyes dart from the lollipop to Negan’s unreadable expression. After a long second, he stomps a foot on the ground and roars with laughter. “Lighten up, kid, I’m just messing with you,” Negan cackles before popping the candy back into his own mouth. He wraps a lazy arm around Carl’s shoulders and leads him away from the infirmary, his mood shifting so swiftly that Carl gets whiplash. “C’me on. Let’s find you something to do.”

Negan is good at playing it cool, but the truth is: if Carl had indeed opened his mouth and taken the lollipop, there's nothing on God's green earth which could have stopped Negan from putting Carl down on his knees and shoving his dick in his mouth. Period.

“Now, you fucked up yesterday and everyone knows that, so I can’t just send you back to Dwight. The garden is prime real estate, and only boys who behave get to work there. We’ll just have to find you something else to do for a few days, until it looks like you’ve learned your lesson.” Carl’s heart skips a beat when Negan suddenly pulls him even closer, flush against his side. His breath rustles the long hair around Carl’s ear as he whispers conspirationally, “But you and I both know you’ve got a lot more fuck-ups coming. I’m getting your cell cleaned as we speak, so it’s all nice and ready for your next little rebellion. I’m even thinking of putting your name on the door. Really make it official.”

Little foreshadowing for part 3 right there ;)

Negan whistles, a long melodic note, and Carl drags his eyes back to him only to meet his devious smile. As much as he craves Negan’s attention, he can never decide if he’s more thrilled or terrified to have those gray eyes zeroing in on him, like a sniper’s bright red scope aimed directly at his head, a hair-trigger away from shooting him down. Negan twists Lucille’s handle, the way he always does when he’s thinking about some terrible trick to play on him, and Carl knows he’s coming, can feel it the way that mammals have learned to feel a predator’s eyes on them, a deep-seated instinct a million years in the making. Negan’s lips stretch into a feral grin, and he’s ready to pounce when Joey shifts and makes a small noise next to him, nervously expectant. Negan blinks, turning on his heels and breaking whatever tunnel vision tied him to Carl only a moment ago.

These two are so obsessed with each other, they keep forgetting they aren't the only ones left on Earth.

Carl scrambles back, narrowly avoiding getting stepped on. He looks up, glaring, but Negan’s eyes are full of laughter, obviously reveling in playing a game when he’s the only one who knows the rules. He keeps whistling, faster now, stepping forward again, making Carl step back in tandem, a twisted version of a dance. With a clang, his back hits the side of the white truck they use for the drops to other communities, and Carl realizes only too late he has been herded straight where Negan wanted him, in the shadow of the largest truck on the lot, far away from prying eyes. The cold surface of the truck is like ice between Carl’s shoulder blades, piercing through the layers of his shirt and t-shirt and chilling him to the bone. In front of him, Negan puts a gloved hand next to Carl’s head and leans forward. Out of nowhere, Carl is reminded of that time in sixth grade when he used his hall pass to sneak into the school gym, not wanting to listen to Miss Harnett drone on about geometry any longer. There, he had caught a glimpse of a couple of nine-graders under the bleachers, in the very same position he and Negan are now. Hazily, Carl wonders if the girl’s heartbeat was as loud as his, blood rushing in her ears and turning her cheeks flaming red like his surely are now. “So,” Negan says slowly, his pink tongue darting to wet his lips. “What did you think about Athena’s little show back there? That’s how you get a guy wrapped around your finger, by the way. Ain’t nothing better than a tease who leaves you wanting for more. She really knows how to get me all worked up,” Negan chuckles warmly. They’re so close, the husky sound of it sends shivers from the root of Carl’s hair down to the tip of his toes.

Negan just casually telling his 18 yo Savior that he should act toward him like a wife. Also one thing you need to know about me is that if I can make Negan herd Carl like a shepherd dog herding cattle, I will. It's one of my favorite dom/sub trope.

I'm not going to quote the entire parking lot scene but I absolutely love it, especially because Carl barely says a word. Negan is the one doing all the talking but, because he's so watchful of Carl, so obsessed with every little sign he displays (Carl has 0 poker face skills, which makes it easy for Negan), he can read Carl like a book. It's actually something I'm constantly surprised about in the Savior AU: how little Carl actually says. Because the story is told from Carl's pov and we have access to his every thought, it feels like Carl is constantly talking, when in fact he very rarely says anything out loud, preferring to watch from a distance instead. Carl is an extremely introverted character in the Savior AU, but that's no problem for Negan, who talks more than enough for two. However, it's always interesting to see the scenes when Carl does talk, because those are the scenes when Negan can get a good glimpse at what's happening inside Carl's head. And when you look at those scenes (the rooftop in part 1, the cell in part 2, etc.), you'll notice that, for all that Negan thinks he can read Carl like an open book, when Carl does talk to him, it's usually to say something Negan didn't expect. Every time that boy opens his mouth, Negan is in for a big surprise.

“You should touch yourself tonight,” Negan says, almost companionably, and Carl is so used to obeying his command that his hand twitches forward before stopping mid-motion. He tries to hide it by tightening his fingers into a fist but the way Negan’s lips stretch into a devilish smirk tells him he failed.

Carl is such a sub it's a miracle he doesn't just put himself on a leash and hands the end of it to Negan.

Also, while in the infirmary it's Carson who was the uncomfortable witness of Carl & Negan's increasingly disturbing relationship, in the parking lot it's Dwight. Those boys are not as discreet as they think they are, and the most observant members of Sanctuary are starting to pick up on it.

Now, for the masturbation scene. Honestly I hadn't planned to actually write it. It was inevitable for Carl to jerk off while thinking of Negan but I thought I'd leave that up for the readers to guess. As horny of a writer as I am, I tend to avoid smut unless it serves a purpose to the story, because smut is so difficult to write that I can't really afford to make it gratuitous. However, I ended up writing this one because I realized that Carl's sexual awakening (both in terms of the fact that he's attracted to a man and that he was so sexually repressed before) did serve an important role in the story. Re-reading this scene, I'm very happy with it, because it encapsulates what the whole fic is about: Carl's trauma, Negan's intoxicating personality (as in: both toxic and attractive), the fact that for all of his cruelty and perversity, Negan is the one person that makes Carl feel alive after years of being emotionally abused by Shane. I often think of Carl through a Pinocchio metaphor: he was a wooden puppet for Shane, but Negan is the one who breathed life into him and turned him into a real boy. And real boys are horny, sorry, Carl, I don't make the rules.

Conclusion; tldr: Negan spends the whole chapter sexually harassing Carl who is so into it he might as well be flopping down on the ground like a cat demanding to be pet. Negan is trying hard to be cool about this and not ravish Carl against various surfaces (the exam table in the infirmary, the truck in the parking lot...).

PS: did you spot Michonne and Tara in the Terminus flashback? ;D Rick and Carl almost met a few times in the Savior AU, being in the same location without realizing it.

You can find the commentary for Part 2, Ch 5 here.

[badass-queer-couples-battle]

Gay wrongs tournament, round 2 of the losers bracket

Propaganda:

For John and Jack:

So, they both are literal murders. One of them is a little bit more insane than the other. Okay, the little bit part is not right, totally insane that is John, yes. But gonna love him though. He had been in rehab for alcohol, drugs, sex and murder. Don't kiss him, he might be wearing poisoning lipstick. They are canon mlm. They had been stuck in a two week time loop for five years, which was like leading a married life for them. They didn't actually marry, but they were partners, both in business and sexually. They worked together for an time agency. Then Jack's memories of two years were erased and he left. He went into  independent self deployment, doing scams using his knowledge of future events. After that he build an alien hunting institute in Cardiff, Wales. When John and Jack see eachother again after years, you don't know whether they will they kiss or fight. They do both. Did I tell you that along this story Jack became an inmortal who can't stay dead? No matter how or how often he dies or is killed, he keeps coming back to life. This is all very scraping on the surface, but oh boy, would it be at least a novella to describe them.

They worked together in the Time Agency where they did horrible things to the extent where Jack had two years of his memory stolen so that he couldn’t know what he’d done. They were also in a time loop together for five years where they canonically thought of each other as the wife (John was a good wife :3), and were basically married. Then they had a divorce arc and they both separately went rogue from the Agency to become conmen, although they still worked together/clashed on occasions, always still with that spark of passion. “Frenemies with benefits” Jack called them once, although John preferred “my lover, my rival, my nemesis and destiny. And bane of my bloody life.” Canon finds us where Jack has tried to reform and be a better person, but John is still chasing cons, and all he wants to do is bring Jack back to the stars with him, back to the crime and the glitter of the galaxies (it doesn’t work and he shoves Jack off a building but Jack got himself immortal so he’s fine <3) anyway I am very normal about them xoxo

In John's introduction to the series he shows up on a roof where some guy is mugging someone, grabs him by the throat and dangles him over the edge of the building while this guy begs for his life before dropping him just because he felt like it. When John and Jack interact for the first time in the show there's a super cool guitar riff, very evil western vibes, they walk up to each other, look deeply into each other's eyes, make out, then start throwing punches to Blur's Song 2. In one of the audio dramas we're told about various times where these two conned people, stole a bunch of money and gold and gems and stuff, then had sex with whoever it is they conned before (sometimes) killing them. When Jack devided he was done and left John to die John escaped and married the queen of England (Victoria) then locked Jack up somewhere to take his life force and live forever, destroying the timeline in the process. John has tried to kill all of Jack's friends at least twice to have him all to himself. He found Jack's long lost brother and when the brother turned out to be a terrible person with a vendetta against Jack John did everything he could to save Jack. Their relationship is canon but very one-sided most of the time

just this video

For the Doctor and the Master:

Immortal genderfluid war criminals <333

So we all know the Master has killed plenty of people, but, despite their reputation, the Doctor has killed a more than average number too. Sure they undid the whole destroying their own planet thing, but that's still something the Doctor did. Also there's apparently a novelization out there where, when they were children, the Doctor killed one of their childhood bullies but then made a deal with Death so that the Master had the memory of it and became Death's champion, which is pretty messed up and murder husbandish. There are plenty more war crimes on the Doctor's hands, and the Master has killed countless people in a variety of creative ways. Also, I'm having trouble finding the quote, but I swear the Master once said something to the lines of "trying to kill the Doctor is just my flirting" or something similar. But I do know Missy (also the Master but female at the time) described their relationship as "older than your civilization and infinitely more complex". They love each other, they're constantly trying to destroy each other, they are the only friends they each have who can even begin to understand everything they've been through; they've known each other since childhood and they've watched (and helped) civilizations rise and fall together. They may not be who you first think of for murder spouses but they really are a beautiful example.

[not-poignant]

Can I ask, why do you love BL romance better than het romance? What makes them better? I did not mean anything negative, and I know everyone have their own like and dislike but I want to know your thoughts....

Also what do you think that made Asian MLM (BL manga/manhwa/manhua/ danmei) romances better than western MLM romances?

Can I ask, why do you love BL romance better than het romance?

Because I had no choice for many years.

Because that choice was taken away from me by a homophobic, transphobic, queerphobic, acephobic society. So all the romances I read had to be heterosexual, all the romances I watched had to be heterosexual, all the romances I heard of had to be heterosexual.

Because I'm not heterosexual.

Because I never saw myself represented in any stories ever, for over about 20 years (queer stuff existed, but where I was situated in Perth, Western Australia, meant that I was not seeing it).

Because I was force-fed allonormative, heteronormative, heterosexual tropes, bullshit, toxicity, misogyny, patriarchal culture, rape culture and more, and because everyone assumed that was normal, which made me feel isolated, marginalised, alone, and bereft, and cut me out of knowing what a life could look like for myself, and made relationships harder, when you don't have the words or stories to latch onto.

People like me couldn't even be erased out of the media, we hardly existed in the media, and if we did, almost never under our real identities, and almost always having to pretend to be something we weren't, for many people who hated us, or wished we were dead, or simply didn't care about us at all.

So, when I finally got a choice, I made a choice.

And I do not want to read heterosexual content anymore, unless it's queer (like T4T). The only place I actually willingly consume heterosexual romantic content these days is like 80s and 90s and early 00s romantic comedies. It's the only thing I allow through my filter, because so many of them have a really strong bent of hurt/comfort in them, and it's rare to find movies that have this in general.

But yeah otherwise het is just not a thing I look for in fiction. Literally a squick. Literally reminds me of 20 years of oppression in the mass media. It's not inherently bad, it just wasn't good for me personally, to never have a choice.

So I made one :D And my life has been so much better for it. I'm never going back.

Also what do you think that made Asian MLM (BL manga/manhwa/manhua/ danmei) romances better than western MLM romances?

It's just better for me, anon! I find a lot of western published m/m (so not like m/m fanfiction which I still read) often feels stifled and too short for me, and the characterisation doesn't get as deep as I want it to get. I often can feel the rigidity of the novel structure on authors who are trying to rapid release, and the depth I'm looking for is rarely there. Sometimes that's what people want! Sometimes they don't know there's other options!

Sometimes that's true of some BL manga/manhua/manhwa etc. as well. Tbh it's probably true of a lot of it! Serial format doesn't always allow for depth either. But I find the visual format easier to read as well. If I reread western m/m it's almost always fanfiction. And tbh, I'm sure some amazing m/m was published last year, I just get tired of having to wade through it all to find something I like. It got to the point where I was reading like 60+ titles just to find one average read, and I gave up.

The recommendation systems for BL tend to be better and more on point for me, I find most people who recommend published m/m to me generally always miss the mark (which isn't their fault - I'm particular, there's a reason I write what I write - because I can't find it to read!!), but close friends like @morbidlizard who recommend BL to me almost always hit the mark!

I don't actually read much danmei, but mostly because I haven't had time to really sink my teeth into it. Aside from MXTX, I haven't explored much further.

But yeah, hope that helps! :D

[chappedlipdirtycontacts]

SUPERNATURAL HEADCANONS I LOVEEE

- Angel bl00d glows blue from their grace. they show this a few times with cuts and stuff but i wish they did it all the time

- Visible angel wings, perhaps even halos! we were robbed. maybe not visible all the time cus i could see how it could be distracting. but it’d be cool to show.

- Sam and Dean have weird ass conversations. they’re in the car ALL the time and they’ve never shown their debates about immortality, cowboys or random shit like “is cereal a soup?”

- i saw this post saying Dean snuck some holy water, a notebook, and a pocket knife into Sam’s bag before he left for Stanford. I love that so much :(

- When reading lore books, the Winchesters - mostly Dean - point to ugly creatures and say: “this looks like you” or “this you?”

- Sam is really good at drawing scenery but sucks at drawing people/animals. This headcanon stemmed from that one time in season 1 where Sam drew a tree from memory, but then in season 3 he was a criminal sketch artist and it was terrible.

- This one is really stupid but i think it’s funny. Sam really likes “we didn’t start the fire” because it’s historical and has real events.

- Sam and Dean would play fight a lot as kids. but one time Dean accidentally hurt Sam, so after that he started to let him win.

- I can’t remember if this is canon or not but Dean loves licorice. don’t ask me where i got this info from.

(edit!: it is canon! in Bobby’s memory of the brothers Dean and Sam bicker about whether or not it’s a good movie snack)

- Growing up, Dean would always make sure Sam ate first. so now as an adult where food is readily available, Dean is finally showing how much he can eat.

- Dean loves kids shows. but not in a creepy way (💀) this is sorta canon because he makes references to Gumby and Loony Tunes. but I picture him watching those types of shows any chance he gets. I also picture him putting it on the motel TV just for “background noise”. and as he’s reading lore books he takes breaks and watches.

- I’d like to say Dean can play guitar. but he doesn’t have much time to learn/teach himself. so this one is unrealistic but still cute to think about.

- When Castiel leaves and “wooshes away” some stray feathers fly off and fall to the floor. this used to piss the Winchesters and Bobby off cus the mess. but after awhile Dean and Sam didn’t mind.

- Dean learned mechanic stuff from Bobby. some people say that Dean learned how to work on Baby from John, but that’s so unrealistic? John didn’t gaf about Dean like a father should. It was Bobby that taught him all about cars and fixing them.

- Castiel still loves board games, even after he’s “fixed” after season 7. I see him playing Scrabble and Mancala.

- Sam and Dean, sometimes Castiel, go to the motel pools on summer afternoons as a reward after a case. I feel like they’re always in cold weather, but once and awhile when it’s sunny i think it’d be cute :(

- Hot take: Castiel isn’t gay/MLM. he’s definitely Pansexual or Bisexual. I feel that he really did have a romantic connection with Meg and did care for her. and this is coming from someone who loves Destiel!

- Dean never told Castiel about the Supernatural musical. He was too embarrassed about the Destiel storyline. BUT SAM. This 6’4 dork definitely told Cas about Destiel AND Sastiel

- These habits got better as Castiel spent more time on Earth. But Castiel constantly slams doors, breaks glasses and lightbulbs, and sets off car alarms. Mostly because he doesn’t realize how strong he is.

- (referring to the last headcanon!) Castiel would either be really gentle with things or really rough. i can’t decide which one HAH

- Sam writes poetry and Dean reads poetry but they both don’t know this about each other because they’re too embarrassed. Sam reasonably so! Dean always making fun of him for his interests oml

- Sam can read Italian. specifically old dialects. remember that one episode where he read the Italian lady’s diary? she wrote that in the 1600s

- Sam had/has a Nintendo DS. PLS it’d be so cute him playing it in the car or before bed in a shitty motel room. as a kid he’d prolly play it under the bed covers so John wouldn’t take it away. Dean prolly stole it or found for him too.

Might add more later!! :3

[codajaiden]

I don't get the gist of Nightbow (Rainbow Steve x Nightmare) like, how does that work??

(warning I might rant so much y'all would explode, correct me if I'm wrong tho)

"enemies to lovers!" No. Lemme clear this up for you

Nightmare and Rainbow were created to kill each other, hate each other's guts, there is no conversation or part in SS or RQ where they went and be normal people talking to each other and stuff (not that I can think of anyways)

"for fun" I don't care if it's for fun, sure it's funny but like????? How is it y'all's favourite????

I'm someone who likes to go insane just watching plot, WHILE YES, STEVE SAGA WAS JUST A RANDOM STEVE SERIES AND WAS VERY RANDOM WHEN IT COMES TO PLOT, ITS SILLY, ITS RANDOM

But y'all are like "I can fix them", there is nothing to fix???? they are literally people wanting to kill each other and that is their goal.

Oh and let's not forget, I have my eyes on the people who write in Wattpad, don't think I have not seen their "freaky" writing at all.

It's not only Nightbow at least, I see the people here who ship Rainbow and Void together, same thing, but if we're talking SS then there was still no good interaction of them both to be on the level of actually being good friends. Still, Wattpad people are freaky about them too.

This can be implied to Favremyrainbow ig, but to me it's very bland and boring. I admit I did in fact ship them, but as time passed I just stopped because it was so cringe 💀💀

I don't want to be mean and rude when it comes to this but it bugs me every time.

Okay the only thing I can counter this is Alux x Petro.

Petro and Alux are basically Anna and Hanz in Frozen, gaslighting and manipulation exist but dynamic and trust are important. There is communication towards the two that leads into something in the plot.

Nightbow has none of that, they hate each other's guts. People say they can fix them, nah, with Palux you can make them worse (/j) HEJWJEJWJSJA

"Petro and Alux's entire dynamic is mainly built off of manipulation" YES but thats on Petro's side. Most people ship it due to it being tragic on Alux's side because everyone in this fandom likes doomed mlm i guess (I'm one of those people but again the plot reasons goes on for both of their dynamic)

"But he stabbed him" YES. I have not seen a single person who ships them currently its mainly a one sided ship. For alux its built off genuine love and care for Petro, knowing he's the only REAL connection in his life. The people who ship them (from what I've seen) mainly do it for tragedy and narrative purposes. no one is actually here WANTING alux to be stabbed and abused

And for Petro it adds much more conflict to his character if you add like any romance to him. like, loving the person your meant to kill and killing them anyways is a really interesting narrative plot idea. Its also really funny tbh but oh well.

Narratively it adds more to their characters as long as you dont romantize it and treat it like it'd be healthy especially at this point in the story.

This is literally doomed Yaoi (it's funny I wanna say that) and it works so well because of how they were narratively written this way towards each other. This cooked better than some enemy wanting to, excuse my language, have freaky SHIZ going on with the Hero 💀

Okay I'm done with my ranting I'm sorry for the people who like Nightbow but I'm sharing what I'm saying and y'all are gonna respect it and not be problematic. I feel like I should not be on the internet for a good while late and night this is how freaky I get when it's past midnight lmao

[incorrectallpersonaquotes]

OKAY, SO WE FINALLY BEAT PERSONA 5 TACTICA AND THE REPAINT YOUR HEART DLC, FULL SPOILER REVIEW AHEAD

- First of all, I think the game is very good. I rate it 9/10, because although there are some stuff I don’t like, the good stuff is SO good that it makes up for it perfectly. It is a great game, and I don’t regret at all buying the Deluxe Edition on release.

- The gameplay is VERY good, no doubt one of the greatest points in the game. As a fan of tactical RPG fan, it’s a system that is very different than the usual “your character’s turn, move these squares, do your action, proceed”. The fact that you freely move the characters makes for a very peculiar experience, and it makes for a very fun gameplay, with cool puzzles that, although I recognized may be annoying for some people, were very fun to me. Very cool!

- However, I think the gameplay lacked more Persona/SMT elements. For example, the lack of a system based on elemental weaknesses was something I didn’t like. Because of that, I spent 90% of the game’s battle with a party composed of Joker, Panther and Queen, without feeling any need to alternate between different characters. Sure, there’s this mechanic that the characters have better status if you let them rest, só it’s valid to alternate the party, but that was literally the only reason, the aspect of changing characters because of their strong or weak points was kinda lost. Also, no Social Links aside from the Quests and the Talk menu, that provide some fun scenes, but doesn’t replace the social aspect of the Persona games.

- That said, the Quests and Talk scenes were REALLY cool, it provided us with some awesome interactions between characters and did a wonderful job at including the newcomers Erina and Toshiro. Things like Yusuke wanting to see Legionnaires fall from the sky, Haru blowing up everything to let off steam, Erina trying to summon a Persona and being a worthy rival of Ryuji in the aspect of yelling at inappropriate times… it was all very cool. Also, the Quests were amazing in gameplay if you like puzzles. I don’t like it, but I had lots of fun with it.

- The game is kinda short, and it felt like a waste to have only two Kingdoms with a strong historical theme (the French Revolution and the Meiji Revolution), the other two Kingdoms felt kinda bland. I think it would have been nice to insert at least one or two other Kingdoms with strong revolution sceneries.

- The story itself is very cool. Erina is amazing since the start, but Toshiro is a character that really grows on you. He starts off being very annoying, but since the main story is all about his development, you end up liking him more, and the transition from “adult pain in the ass” to “honest man trying to do the right thing” is very nice, and his background is amazing.

- There’s a specific scene where you, as Joker, can pick someone on the Phantom Thieves you’d want to marry, and that includes Ryuji and Yusuke as well. I really loved that scene because, although Ryuji and Yusuke scenes are more inclined to comedy, in no moment it goes like “whaaaaat, you want to marry Ryuji, that’s weird man, no homo”, quite the opposite, in both Ryuji and Yusuke options the act of them marrying Joker is seen as totally normal, without making fun of it, and well, it’s not just the boys’ options that tend to comedy, if you pick Makoto the scene is also hilarious. Sure, it could have been better, but we’re talking about Atlus, every baby step is a reason to rejoice in that way. Who knows, maybe in Persona 6 we’ll FINALLY have a MLM romance option.

- LAVENZA IS BETTER THAN EVER, it’s her best version of all times, she radiates 1000000% of that Elizabeth and Margaret chaotic energy and I FUCKING SCREAMED WHEN VELVET ROOM TURNED INTO A FUCKING TRAIN OH MY GOD THAT WAS SO FUCKING AWESOME HELL YEAH

- Salmael is the generic god final boss, normal to every Persona game. But one thing I didn’t like is how it’s not directly based on any entity like Nyx, Izanami or Yaldabaoth. Sure, you can argue that it’s based on Samael, but it doesn’t make any sense, since it’s only in the name, nothing in Salmael’s motivations have anything to do with Samael. Aside from that, well, can’t say much about it, just the regular “god-that-looks-for-excuses-to-fuck-up-humanity-while-trying-to-justify-saying-they’re-actually-saving-it” that we have on every Persona game.

- I think the game is kinda easy. Sure, it’s a good thing for those who want to enjoy the story, but I beat the game on Medium and had literally no difficult whatsoever aside from some Quests (and in those cases, the difficulty is more related to solving a puzzle than facing actually difficult enemies). The damage input is mostly small, the AI is not really smart and you have access to very strong skills early on. Dunno how that would go if I tried on Hard, but Medium felt more like Easy to me. And I don’t mean that as “I’m too good for this game, it’s so easy for my standards”, but I really think the game difficulty is not that high, which can be good for some and disappointing for others.

Now about Repaint Your Heart, the DLC:

- CAN’T BELIEVE THEY ADDED SPLATOON TO THE PERSONA + FIRE EMBLEM MIX, THAT’S SO CREATIVE, SOUNDS REALLY DUMB AT FIRST BUT WORKED SO WELL

- The story itself is not that bad, but not that good either. Guernica is cool, Luca is cute, but their story wasn’t that touching for me, I couldn’t empathize with them properly.

- Still, the DLC was cool not only because of the Splatoon mechanics, but also because of Akechi and Kasumi interactions. If you play it knowing what is happening at that time (it’s before Sae’s calling card, so Akechi is already part of the Phantom Thieves, is in the middle of the plot to betray them and assassinate Joker, and Joker is fully aware of that), it’s awesome because you can clearly see the moments when Akechi’s figurative mask fells off, and you have many dialogue options made to provoke him.

- Don’t have much to say about Kasumi, she’s cute and nice as always. Also, THAT SCENE OF HER LEGIT WILLING TO PICK UP TRASH WITH LUCA, HOLY SHIT

- I want to turn Jerri into fried chicken, but her motivations seem kinda dumb, I mean, she’s a servant of Salmael, who wants to “save” mankind erasing all will of conflicts, then she brainwashes Guernica to kill all of manking using conflict? Makes no sense at all unless she was rebelling against him, and that’s clearly not the case.

Well… it was quite an experience. I loved it.

[desertfangs]

Armand and Daniel’s sexual journey is definitely fascinating (I don’t think we have as much info on another mlm couple in VC except maybe for Armand and Marius?), and something that should be explored more in fic! During the first years of the chase they merely talked about sex during their night sessions right? With Armand mentioning he had more than enough experience when it came to the “pleasure of the flesh”, but that eventually turned into a shared physical experience aka the threesomes with Daniel sleeping with the people Armand chose for him while he watched, and there was a “dual pleasure” in that, and then at some point they went from that to Daniel being an “expert” in Armand’s body and them being openly sexual with one another without the need of a third. Clearly stuff happened there. So many gaps to fill!

Anon! This is a great ask! Devil's Minion is a conundrum because it gives us so much and yet so little at the same time.

It's heavily implied that Armand doesn't bite him or drink his blood until Pompeii four years on, which I can believe. But for a long time, I also assumed they didn't get physical before then in any way. I don't know why I assumed this. It just felt like "Okay, Pompeii is where they come together" and I can be pretty literal, but at that point it strikes Daniel that they're "secret lovers" and have been for a while. He realizes Armand won't turn him but won't kill him either and Armand tells him he's grown to love him, of course.

This can totally mean they didn't really get physical until then, but it doesn't mean they didn't either. Like four years is a long time. Even if you think the first year was a wash of him freaking Daniel out and the second was them growing to have actual conversations, that's a long time to spend in each other's company with nothing ever happening. Especially when they're having deep, long conversations and Daniel is... well... Daniel. He's clearly captivated by Armand, who is coming into his hotel rooms and waking him up and jumping on his bed to talk about sex, war, and what he thinks happens after death. There's so much intimacy there! And no, you don't need sex for things to get deep and intimate, but there is definitely room for things to have happened.

(In fact, @apoptoses explores this beautifully in her Come Pull My Strings series which you've probably read but if not, uh... yeah... That was what made me really sit up and go 'You know, I think they probably did do these kinds of things, like why didn't I ever think they had before?? It makes so much sense???' I'd imagined Daniel maybe drunkenly going for a kiss or something but oof. That rocked my fandom world.)

And then yes, after they're together, they do have threesomes to explore intimacy:

Men and women fell in love with Armand, of course, "so innocent, so passionate, so brilliant!" You don't say. In fact, Armand's power to seduce was almost beyond his control. And it was Daniel who must bed these unfortunates, if Armand could possibly arrange it, while he watched from a chair nearby, a dark-eyed Cupid with a tender approving smile. Hot, nerve-searing, this witnessed passion, Daniel working the other body with ever greater abandon, aroused by the dual purpose of every intimate gesture. Yet he lay empty afterwards, staring at Armand, resentful, cold.

So it seems like in most cases, people were horny AF for Armand and Armand was like "Yeah, let's go back to our place" and he'd watch Daniel sleep with them instead. We don't know if that's the only way they arranged these things or if Daniel ever picked anyone out himself. I do think Daniel was down for it, especially at first, because I think he and Armand share a lot of kinks, including voyeurism, and the thing about him being aroused by the dual purpose of it really gets me. Like there's the physical pleasure, but there's also the fact that Armand is watching and possibly looking into his mind and maybe experiencing some of it too and that's clearly a huge turn on for Daniel. Also I jut want to mention that a lot is made in fandom of that last line about resentment, so I won't get off topic but I do want to say I think his resentment there is that he's sleeping with other people when he wants to sleep with Armand. It's Armand's hand/mouth/body he wants around him, you know? Not some rando's. And also possibly that he wants immortality and to be a vampire like Armand, rather than the mortal who's getting his rocks off this way because Armand cannot or won't. Probably both, to be honest. But I could write a whole essay on that!

Anyhow, at some point this shifts and Daniel gets what he wants because we do learn that "But he was an expert on Armand, wasn't he, he had studied every detail of Armand's youthful body and face."

I mean, again, there's a lot of room for interpretation and reading between the lines but every detail seems to point to like... every detail.

Which is a long way of saying yes!! You're right! So. Many. Gaps. To Fill. And so much space for how you read things or want to read them or want to imagine them. Which is why it's so nice to get a variety of fic and stuff from this era, because there's so much space to play!

[purplepuddlesuwu]

//My relationship with Art and my ocs//

(Warning talking about serious topics and me Yapping and a little venting)

Sometimes I forget how a lot of my art/Characters is a form of me venting.

Yes even my suggestive art and NSFW art. It's super to think that NSFW art can be used in a form of expressing trauma. Yes both Horrror/Gore/sexua NSFW.

I was thinking I don't do vent art anymore which is how my therapist told me I should express myself. So I thought that meant drawing gore, death, self harm, etc.

But I started experimenting with sex. Mainly like using my persona: Puddles. In a sexual way that represents me in a way. I get goofed on a lot about Puddles being a 'Harlot' or a 'Slut' or a 'Whore' which whatever I guess but Puddles is a lot more than just that to me.

Puddles is an ex- succubus. A failure of a demon. She was banished from hell and heaven due to no one wanting her because of her beliefs and because of the way she wasn't 'made right'. I made Puddles to represent myself in the mind that I wasn't 'made right. I was born into a Jehovah Witness household and raised on those beliefs. But growing up Bisexual, a tomboy, and having ADHD. I didn't feel like I fit into my own family. Especially with the threat of if I didn't worship God right I would be exiled from all family circles and no one would talk to me not even my own parents. My "Family" in this instance to me was my hell.

But the heaven I thought I found with other people in fandoms I was interested in or hobbies I was into or people who were also queer didn't seem to be a welcoming spot for me either. (Not saying all of it but sometimes I did feel unwelcomed in certain spaces at certain times of me trying to figure myself out.) So I sometimes felt like an outsider there too.

I always struggled connecting with people both in my family and in other communities. So making Puddles was kind of my way to express that. Express that I felt alone and yet I still wanted to be involved in sometype of community. Which is where Jin, Cho, Jasmine, Ruby, Sparrow, and some of my other oc's come into play. Jin representing the Warriors Fandom because I based him off of Jayfeather. Cho presenting the furry fandom. Jasmine, Ruby, and Alastor representing the Lgbt+ community and me trying to figure myself out. Sparrow representing those who were raised similar to me in a highly religious household raised on the whole "I don't mind gay people but I'm glad you aren't gay" type of vibe.

And I have plenty of other oc's representing different parts of my life and my experiences and other stuff. But those are the ones off the top of my head.

Sorry I'm getting off topic. Maybe... I don't know. ANYWAY! Sex and expression go hand and hand with me. I started taking antidepressants around 2018 I believe and I was put on birth control in 2019 or 2020 can't remember. So it's safe to say my sex drive was GONE. So I lacked in that department for.... Years. Until 2022/23 when I went off of it when I moved out because I couldn't afford it. It honestly felt so weird and unnatural to have these feelings come back not even gonna lie to you. I mean before then I drew sexual stuff in 2020 but it was mainly because I followed some cool artists that were doing it and it honestly wasn't a lot of NSFW.

But once I got my sex drive back I kinda decided to start expressing all that sexually tension that I was depressed by antidepressants and birth control. Both in a MLW and WLW And MLM. Because it was a form of I guess 'catching up' . Because I mean I used to read a lot of smutt before I went on my meds but while I was on them, nope... Nope... Not even once. Maybe I would glance but it never interested me. Now it all came back and I pretty much dived in and honestly felt sad that I felt like I missed out on a lot of expressing myself through means like this.

Not just in art but also in clothing. I never dressed sexy or showed skin or nothing like that. Mainly because like I said I grew up in a JW household so I would get slut shamed for it but yeah you know what I mean.

I wanted to express myself through sex and suggestive art and sex appeal. It all interested in me especially seeing other artists do the same thing and feel how I felt. Growing up repressed from expressing ourselves our of fear of being labeled a whore or an slut or anything like that. Hell one of my favorite artists I follow is a woman who grew up similar to me and she drawing self ship art NSFW and she very much inspired me and I still follow her and look up to her now. It just feels... Empowering to be able to draw NSFW and dress sexy and be sexy and have a sex appeal and arouse others in the form of art (even if I'm not aroused by it)

It's just exciting and feels rebellious and freeing.

ITs hard to explain to people who don't understand so I'm not gonna try lmao. You either get it or you don't. I'm sorry.

But yeah Puddles, and my other oc's are really just a form of venting and rebellion to me. And I love them dearly.

I feel like this whole thing had like a point to it but maybe I just wanted to Yap I don't know. If you have questions about this I don't mind being asked questions about my oc's/my persona/ or even myself.

[kingwuko]

Hello! If you are still accepting asks: What is your favorite fic you've written? Why is it your favorite? Was any part of the writing process of that fic difficult for you? You are one of my absolute favorite authors so thank you for sharing your amazing talent with us!!!

Ohhh I'm ALWAYS accepting asks (seriously sometimes I feel like I'm begging people to send them lol)

Okay I really am proud of Secret. I'm going to say it's my favorite for the sake of this ask but I love all my fics equally. (I'm not just saying that 🤣) they're all special to me and I like the different stories I've been telling. But Secret really was amazing to write.

As for why? I've had the story in my head since I read Ruins of the Empire and the story itself is really special to me because I had been thinking about it for so long. I also was working through some of my own internal stuff through Wu's journey. I made online friends because of this fic and it got so many other Wuko shippers talking to me more; here and in discord. It was just so much fun to write and I'm really happy with how the whole story turned out!!! And the reception to it was just like. Heartwarming. I think I almost cried the first time I got an ask requesting a preview of the next chapter. Also. Not to get too sappy. But. It's my first finished longfic and finishing it felt like hard proof that my mental health had improved drastically (I had a very hard time during the pandemic. I started writing again once I got my mental health under control).

Writing Secret I certainly had moments where I struggled, and it was mostly related to the sex scenes. I've talked about this before but I had some struggles at first with some of the language I used to describe the different sex acts that were happening. But I had a very helpful beta reader and friend point out what I was doing and how to change my language AND very importantly gave me a mlm perspective to help me. Then I got SUPER in my head about the sex in the 6th chapter and I struggled with getting the words out. But as silly as it might sound, it was actually really important that I wrote the sex scenes explicitly (instead of, say, fade to black or whatever) because there was A LOT going on in Wu's head and character development during the actual sex. Also I like reading and writing sex scenes. 🤷

Besides the sex scenes. I did have to rewrite chapter 8. I wrote the whole fic really early on in my posting process, but I made tons of changes and edits. And when I edited chapter 7 I made a big change (the love confession was originally in ch 8 but those boys just couldn't wait that long I guess) and that changed the whole tone of chapter eight. I literally started from a blank page lol.

Thank you so so so much for the ask and the compliment and for reading!!! I know I write for myself but it's so heartwarming to hear that others actually like what I'm putting out there! It's also very good motivation for me to KEEP writing so please reach out anytime you want to talk about Wuko or my fics or whatever!!! There have been several occasions where I answered an ask and it inspired me to write some more so please don't be shy!!!

[thatoneawkwardfanthing]

I realized I haven't actually talked about the epilogue animatic yet, just reblogged some stuff. I have so many feelings about it so uhhh

Spoilers below (it's also definitely out of order because I haven't watched it in a few days. Still can't without CRYING)

"We buried our friends today" okay ouch. Following it up immediately with that shit of Nora breaking down? CRIMINAL

The fact that Ren was talking to Jaune about how much he held them together and how he wished he was there hurt

Oscar/Oz actively fighting the merge is exact what I want! Let that little boy free!

Mercury having that same hesitation that Emerald did in V3 cmon let my wlw mlm besties be reunited

I haven't finished the two Vacuo books, but I know The Crown is BAD NEWS BEARS

Winter Schnee how I wish I could hug you so close. You did your best and genuinely thought Ironwood would come to his fucking senses it's not your fault!

The Renora parts of this really hurt my heart I love them so much you don't understand.

OOBLECK AND PORT MY FAVORITE OLD MEN and wait WDYM Vale's gone? Hello?

WHERE'S TAIYANG?!?

Qrow being optimistic and saying an old friend taught him that? And then it showing Clover's pin? STOP IT WE KNOW HE DIED AND THEY WERE GAY LOVERS PLEASE

As much as I HATE Raven, I do think that the second she felt her connection to Yang come back, she was there, breaking her "one save" rule. Maybe we'll see her try to make amends if/when V10 is made. Also really want to see Ruby going off on her because SHE KNOWS WHERE SUMMER WENT THAT NIGHT!

Where's anyone from Menagerie? Blake's parents? Illia? The faction of the White Fang that follows Ghira?

I know a lot of it is gonna be different in V10, but I'm sure the key points (them talking to the grave, Vale being gone, etc) will still be there.

I'm holding out hope and RWBY Beyond is also really doing a great job at telling more of the story. It really feels like Monty's saying of "Keep Moving Forward" is what's at the forefront of everyone's mind and I love that.