#also some boys in my class were talking about this story they read in English

[to-be-frank-i-dont-care]

When you make sure to always pay attention when people are talking to you, and you listen very carefully and react to what they’re saying, and then when you are talking to them you cut yourself off to see if they’re paying attention and they don’t even notice because they weren’t listening to you in the first place, is that an infp thing or

[lenaswritingandstuff]

Meant to be mine - Regulus Black x f!reader

Pairing: Regulus Black x f!reader; Evan Rosier x f!reader

Summary: When you start thinking Regulus only sees you as his best friend, you date someone else. However, Regulus' reaction to your new relationship is not what you expected.

Word Count: 8.8K

Warnings: Angst; English is not my first language!

A/N: Loosely based on the dating Headcanons I posted. I had to make up two Slytherin students because well, apparently we don't know any Slytherin girl from Regulus' era - feel free to correct me if you do know one. It was supposed to be Barty instead of Evan but I want him to get the girl lol so I'll write something for him in the future. Comments and feedback are always appreciated. Enjoy!

Tag list: @helendeath @im-jesus

Tag list for this story: @pompeygirl89 @angemyrtille

Regulus and you had clicked immediately on your first day at Hogwarts several years ago, and he was the best friend you ever had. You essentially spent most of your time together, sitting next to each other in class, doing homework and studying together, and spent your free time reading, watching movies or simply talking and laughing, incredibly comfortable with each other. Sure, you had made other friends, and also spent time with them, but it couldn’t compare to what you felt when you were with Regulus, for the simple reason that, during your third year in school, you fell hard in love with your best friend. 

But much to your chagrin, Regulus never hinted at sharing your feelings. You had noticed how he looked disappointed when you told him you were spending time with Emmeline and the others, but you thought he just felt that way because, well, you were the only friend he had - for some reason, he had never managed to create a friendship with any other boys from your house, despite a lot of them also coming from a pure-blood family. You never told anyone about your feelings for the sweet, caring boy with dark curls, and, too shy and scared to tell him how you felt, you buried your feelings for him, secretly - and shamefully - thankful that while your love wasn’t shared, he didn’t seem interested in any other girl, and instead, continued spending all your time with him like everything was fine. 

But pretending became harder and harder with time, and summer break almost came as a relief. You were spending it debating over confessing your feelings and risking destroying your friendship or keeping on slowly breaking your heart -, you decided to move on. However, it turned out to be even harder than to love someone who didn’t love you back, especially since Regulus kept writing to you about how bored he was in his family’s house despite his parents’ affection, and how much he missed you. Your first instinct was to not answer his letters, but you eventually did write a polite yet very short letter where you told him you missed him too. He didn’t seem to notice how cold your letters were, and kept writing to you, asking about what you were doing and talking about the books he was reading. But several days before going back to Hogwarts, you finally made up your mind, and decided to move on from Regulus. 

After saying goodbye to your parents on Platform 9 3/4, you waited for the train next to your bags, feeling a bit anxious at the thought of seeing Regulus again, when you suddenly felt a hand on your shoulder. It made you jump, and when you turned around, you felt your heart miss a beat when you saw Regulus’ sweet eyes and smile. 

“Sorry, y/n,” he said gently, “I didn’t want to startle you.”

“It’s fine, hum,” you said. “How…How are you, Reggie?” 

“Very well,” he said. “It’s nice to come back to school and to see you again. Oh, I almost forgot.”

You frowned as he turned around for a second, only to turn around with a gorgeous bouquet of flowers in his hands. 

“There for you.”

“Oh, Reggie,” you said, hiding your annoyance when you felt your heart beating faster, “they’re beautiful, thank you.” 

You reached a hand and took them, but froze when your fingers touched Regulus’. Your eyes met his, but after a few seconds, he didn’t move his fingers. You only dared to move when the train’s departure was announced as imminent, and you took the bouquet, trying but struggling to grab all your bags in one hand and the bouquet in the other. Regulus immediately saw your struggle and reached out a hand.

“Please let me help, I’ll put your bags on the train.” 

“I’m fine, Reggie,” you said without looking at him, walking to the train’s door. 

“Come on, y/n, let me…”

Not waiting for an answer, he grabbed all your bags and, acting like a gentleman as he always did, he opened the door and let you get on the train first. He then followed you in, and you started walking quickly to put some distance between the two of you while you were looking for a compartment. You eventually found an empty one, put the bouquet on the seat next to you and went back to Reggie, who was about to enter the compartment, and took your bags from his hands. 

“Thank you, Reggie,” you said, still not looking at him. 

You put your bags where they were supposed to go, over your head, and sat close to the window, and looked at the other students saying goodbye to their relatives. Regulus did the same with his bags before sitting on the opposite seat. 

“How did your summer go?” he asked. 

“Good,” you said, still looking through the window. “Yours?”

“Good.”

Soon, there were only families or relatives on the platform, and the train started moving minutes after. Regulus tried to make conversation during the whole journey, asking you about your activities during the summer or your family, but you only gave him short answers while avoiding looking at him, which he didn’t seem to notice. He never notices anything. Regulus later tried to buy something from the trolley for you, but you politely refused despite his insistence. You knew you were acting like a child, and knew it would be simple to take risk to face rejection but you couldn’t help it. You felt as if the only way you could get over him was to put distance between the two of you - maybe if you saw him less and talked less with him, your feelings would go away, and you could try to find interest in other boys. But as the train got closer to Hogwarts, you realized seeing Regulus less was going to be harder, considering you shared all your classes. I’ll just sit next to Emma, you thought. And I’ll just have to find excuses to not spend as much time with him. The rest of the journey was spent in silence. You looked at the landscape in front of you, and while Regulus remained silent, you sometimes felt his eyes on you. Two hours later, the sun was starting to set, which meant the journey would be over soon. You rose from your seat, and, for the first time in hours, looked at your best friend.

“We should put our robes on.”

Regulus looked at you before slightly nodding.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

The next few weeks in Hogwarts went on quickly, and you managed to avoid Regulus outside of class - and managed to ignore the ache his sudden “absence” caused in your heart. As you had decided on the train, you now sat next to Emmeline or Mary in class - neither of them thankfully asking you why you no longer sat next to Regulus. Regulus himself didn’t ask any questions either, and every time he tried to talk to you outside of class, you found an excuse to leave. He never insisted, however you would sometimes catch him looking at you in class, which secretly kept you awake at night, wondering if after all, Regulus might like you. Spending time with Emmeline, and Mary was nice, as they were funny, nice, and always made sure to include you, but deep down you were missing Regulus, his voice, his presence and your conversations more and more with each day passing. 

One day, you were on your way back to your dorm after a study session in the library when you heard laughs in the next corridor. As you got closer, you recognized the voices, and you were eventually proven right in your guessing when you walked past Sirius, Regulus’ brother, and his friend James Potter. The latter didn’t see you, too busy laughing at some joke, but Sirius noticed you. 

“Hi, y/n,” he said, walking to you. “You all right?”

“Yes.”

You knew Regulus didn’t like you speaking to Sirius, but deep down you always thought he wasn’t as bad as Regulus thought of him and you actually respected his courage to stand up to his family. Plus, in the few interactions you guys had, he had been nothing but polite and kind to you, so you didn’t have any reason to hate him. 

“Cool. Had a good summer?” 

“Yes, thank you. Yours?”

You knew through Regulus that Sirius had left the family’s house and thought it would be inappropriate to mention that you knew, as it wasn’t really any of your business. 

“Great. And how is school so far?”

You were about to answer when another voice was heard in the corridor. 

“y/n!”

Your heart almost sank as you heard Regulus quickly walking up to you, and you finally dared to look at him, you saw he was angry. 

“What’s going on?” he asked you before turning to his elder brother. “Why are you talking to her?” 

Far from being intimidated, Sirius raised his shoulders and frowned, while his friend James slowly got closer to him.

“And why not? Plus, I don’t really see why she would need your permission,” he answered before giving you a reassuring wink.

Regulus gave him a death stare before he suddenly grabbed your arm. 

“Come, y/n.” 

Sirius opened his mouth to protest, but you slightly shook your head, meaning it was okay. You knew Regulus better than everyone else, and knew he would never hurt you in any way - well, other than the fact he didn’t love you back, that was. You followed Regulus into several corridors before he stopped walking and turned to you.

“What was that?” he asked as if he was both shocked and confused.

“Your brother and I were just talking,” you said calmly.

“Oh, so you speak to him, but you won’t speak to me?” 

“Well,” you said, trying to act detached, “we are talking now, aren’t we?”

Regulus had a false amused small laugh, “You know very well what I meant. Ever since we’ve gotten here, no, ever since we got into the train, you won’t speak to me or even look at me. Do not think I didn’t notice how you always sit next to your friends in class, and that when we aren’t in class, I don’t know where you are most of the time.”

You couldn’t help but feel joy knowing Regulus did notice the distance between you two, 

“I’ve just been busy,” you lied. “Is that a crime?”

“No, but I’d like to know which crime I did for you to ignore and avoid me in such manner.” 

“You didn’t do anything,” you said in a reassuring tone. “I’ve just thought that… I should spend more time with the girls. That’s all.” 

 Regulus stared at you, and you feared for a second that he didn’t believe you.

“Then, can we go back to how things were before? You…Is there any way you could spend time with the girls and me?” 

He sounded so sad, hurt even, that you felt your heart break and felt immensely guilty for how you treated him and how alone he must have been - even more considering you did that only to get over him and it didn’t work at all. In that moment, the only thing you wanted was to be in his arms.

“Of course. I’m sorry, Reggie,” you said with a small, sad smile. “Truly.”

You didn’t know if it was going to be easy to be around Regulus again, but maybe it was time to think about another solution. Maybe I could give him hints? Or maybe just try to make him jealous? Or maybe I could simply not care anymore and just tell him how I…

“It’s okay, y/n. I’m glad to have my best friend back.”

You froze, and so did your heart.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

“Girls, you won’t believe who asked me on a date today!”

You and Mary were in the common room after a long day of class - which you spent next to Regulus - sitting on one of the sofas and Emmeline was now coming back from giving back a book to the library, with pink cheeks and a great smile on her face. 

“Who?” you asked with curiosity. 

“Marius!” she said excitedly. 

“No way!” Mary said, putting her books down. 

“Yes!” Emmeline said, both hands on her heart. “We’re going to Hogsmeade tomorrow afternoon.”

“We’re happy for you,” you smiled. 

“You two should find boyfriends too, you know,” Emmeline said, sitting between you and Mary. “Not anybody, of course. You deserve the best. He obviously needs to come from a good and respectable family.”

Emmeline was a Rowle, and while she had a kind heart, she had been raised to believe she should marry a man from a wealthy Pure-Blood family - a belief your family and Mary’s didn’t share - and Marius Avery, from your class, while being an overall polite and quiet student, just also happened to fit that criterion. However, you always had a bad feeling about him, but you just couldn’t put your finger on it.

“As long as he’s a good man himself,” you said, going back to reading your book, “his family doesn’t matter to me.”

“y/n is right,” Mary said. “Wealth and blood doesn’t matter.”

“As you wish, ladies. Still, we need to find you boyfriends. y/n, what do you think about dear Evan?”

You turned your head to look at the light-haired boy from your class, chatting with one of his friends on the other side of the room. You didn’t look at him for long, but still enough for him to notice, look back at you and give you a smile. 

You smiled back at him and felt your cheeks becoming hotter. While ignoring and avoiding Regulus, you had been exploring other options, and Evan had definitely one of them. You admit he was rather cute, with his green eyes, great smile and sand hair, and you only had warm conversations with him through the years - your feelings to Regulus not allowing you to feel anything else but fondness for Evan or any other boy in school. 

“He’s nice.” 

“And?” Emmeline insisted, raising an eyebrow. 

“‘And’ nothing else,” you retorted patiently. 

“Marius and he are best friends,” Emmeline continued, apparently not caring about your non-interest, “I could ask him tomorrow about it.”

“Emmeline, please,” you sighed.

“What? Do you have someone in mind?” Emmeline asked. “Is it Regulus?” 

“What?! No!” you immediately protested, trying to keep your normal voice. “Reggie and I…are just friends.”

Emmeline shrugged and turned to Mary.

“What about you, Mary? Any boy you like?”

You went back to reading your books about magical creatures, grateful Emmeline was now playing matchmaker for somebody else. Regulus arrived in the common room at that moment, and you two went to the Great Hall for dinner while Emmeline and Mary stayed in the common room. A few days had passed since your conversation with him, and everything seemed to be back to normal, except he was now spending time with other boys from your class while you were with the girls and you were know sure Regulus only saw you as his best friend - because if he felt anything else for you, he would have told you after seeing you with Sirius, wouldn’t he? It had made you cry at night, and also made you want to avoid Regulus again, especially since you now felt uncomfortable around him - and basically had lost your appetite. The only option was now to move on, as you were now too scared that trying to make him jealous would fail and were sure you couldn’t endure the heartbreak and it would mean the end of your friendship with Regulus. 

Maybe Emmeline is right, you thought in your bed that night, making sure she was asleep before allowing yourself to cry. Maybe I should get to know Evan better. 

The next morning, you would have stayed the whole day in bed feeling sorry for yourself. But knowing the girls would come looking for you at some point, you decided to go to the Great Hall for breakfast, and as it was still early, there were only a few students there. You sat down on the table, looking down on your empty plate. 

“Hi, y/n”

Lost in your thoughts - who were mainly about a dark-haired boy with green eyes - you didn’t hear Evan coming. 

“Oh, hi, Evan. How are you?”

“Good, thank you. Do you mind if I sit?” 

“Not at all, please do.”

He gave you a smile and sat on the opposite bench. He served himself some breakfast, and you imitated him, even though the usual tasty food tasted like ash in your mouth and you felt your stomach closing itself. 

“So, any plans for this weekend?” he asked, serving you both pumpkin juice. 

“Thank you. Well, no, I don’t really have plans. You?” you answered.

“Same.” 

He seemed to hesitate a bit before clearing his throat and running a hand through his hair. 

“Well, I…Maybe we could go for a drink in Hogsmeade?” he asked with a nervous voice. “I mean, I think it’s a shame that we’ve been classmates for years and don’t know each other much.” 

Speechless, you stared at him, and soon his cheeks became pink in embarrassment. 

“Hum, just forget it,” he mumbled, lowering his head, “I understand if you don’t want to go…” 

“No!” you said a bit too loudly, and his eyes were immediately filled with hope. “I mean, of course I’d love to go to Hogsmeade with you! I’m sorry, I was just surprised.” 

“Great. Actually, do you have anything to do right now?” he suddenly asked. “‘Cause why wait? We could go right now.”

Surprised again, it took you a few seconds to answer, “Hum, yeah! Absolutely,” you nodded. “I’ll just grab a jacket and my purse in my dorm and we meet in the common room?” 

“Perfect,” Evan smiled again. 

You both had finished eating, so you went directly to the common room, which was empty. Barty went to his dorm and you went to yours, and after brushing your teeth and grabbing what you needed, you went back to the common room, but this time, Regulus was here, sitting on a sofa and apparently waiting for someone. You approached him, thinking you could at least tell him you wouldn’t be free today. 

“Hi, Reggie.” 

He raised his eyes and gave you a smile. 

“Hi, you. Already had breakfast?”

“Yes. You?”

“Not yet,” he shook his head, “I’m waiting for Alexander and Dorius, then I’m gonna help them do the homework for Slughorn. You know, what we did on Thursday. Ah, here they are.” 

You nodded, and suddenly heard two people coming from the dorms. It was indeed Alexander and Dorius, who were like Regulus from the Sacred Twenty-Eight - respectively from the Avery the Mulciber family.

“Wanna come with us?” Regulus asked, standing up.

“Um, I’m sorry, I have things to do.” 

“You sure?” he asked. 

You nodded with the most confident smile you could force your mouth to make.

“Alright. I’ll see you later, then,” he smiled, and squeezed your shoulder as he brushed past you to leave the common room. Seconds later, Evan arrived with quick steps.

“I’m so sorry for making you wait,” he said. “I couldn’t find my jacket.”

“It’s okay,” you smiled.

“Should we?”

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Spending time with Evan was surprisingly very enjoyable, as you found him to be kinder and warmer than you already thought he was. He also acted like a true gentleman, offering you flowers from the village’s flower shop, and his conversation was always funny or interesting - and sometimes both. You also could feel he was a bit shy, which made him adorable. 

“Wanna go to the Three Broomsticks?” he asked. 

“Sure,” you said.

He smiled at you, and opened the door for you.

“Madam.”

“Thank you, good sir.”

You both had a small laugh before he followed you in, and you sat at a free table near a corner of the room for a bit more privacy, but you could still see the door from where you were sitting.

“Thanks again for the flowers,” you said with genuine thankfulness, “they’re beautiful.”

“Not as beautiful as you, but you’re more than welcome.” 

Mrs. Rosmerta took your order and gave you a wink, probably thinking you and Evan were on a date. 

“What do you want to do next?” he asked. “We could go see the Shrieking Shack, unless you want to go back to the castle?”

“Your pick,” you said. 

Evan laughed, and you were surprised to find that his laugh was as cute as he was. 

The conversation continued, and you were focused on what he was saying when the door of the pub opened, and you almost choked on your drink when you saw Regulus coming in, followed by Alexander and Dorius. 

“You okay?” Evan asked, frowning.

“Yes, yes. Sorry.”

You tried to put yourself against the wall so Regulus couldn’t see you, but as his friends went to the bar, he looked around the room and froze when he saw you - and from where he was, there was no chance he didn’t see Barty as well. Feeling panic rushing over you, you tried to act as if you didn’t see him and instead looked at Barty’s glass, was thankful when you saw it was empty. 

“Should we go? A new restaurant opened at the end of the street, maybe we could have lunch there?”

“Oh, yeah, I’ve heard about it. Let me go pay for the drinks.” 

Usually you would propose to pay, but going to the bar would mean the impossibility of avoiding Regulus and an uncomfortable conversation. You rose from your chair and went outside despite the cold wind, but only a few seconds later, the pub’s door opened and Reggie was now standing in front of you. 

“What are you doing here with him?” he asked.. 

His tone was barely a bit more confused than usual, but words still had a hard time coming out.

“I…We…We’re just hanging out.”

“Is this a date?”

“I…I don’t know if he sees it…”

“I don’t care about what he thinks,” Regulus cut you off harshly, “do you see it as a date?”

“I don’t know!” you answered in the same tone. “What does it matter to you anyway? Shouldn't you be helping your friends with their homework?”

“Alexander didn’t feel like doing it,” Regulus spoke quickly, “but don’t try to change the subject, this is about you and Evan, since when do you hang out with him?” 

“Since I’ve wanted to! Regulus, I do not need your permission to talk to Sirius or to hang out with any boy I want!”

Regulus opened his mouth to answer, but no word came out. He looked at the ground for a second, his face and eyes hardening, before staring at you with angry eyes. 

“Very well.”

Before you could answer, Regulus turned heels and went back inside the pub, slamming the door behind him. Not even a minute later, Evan came out, frowning.

“Is everything all right? Did Regulus talk to you?”

You nodded, “Yes. He just had a…question.”

Evan looked unsure, but didn’t say anything.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

The next day, you were getting ready in your dorm when someone knocked at your door. Expecting Emmeline coming to ask you questions about your day with Evan, you opened the door, but it wasn’t her. Instead stood Regulus, with flowers in one hand.

“Reggie?”

“y/n. I hope I’m not bothering you.”

“No, no, come in.” 

Regulus gave you a small smile and entered your room, and you saw his expression change when his eyes met your desk and the bouquet Evan gave you yesterday. 

“These are for you,” he said, handing you the flowers.

“Thank you so much, Reggie,” you smiled. “You shouldn’t have, they’re beautiful.” 

“I was really surprised to see you with Evan,” he continues as you put the flowers in a vase. “I’ve never seen you hang out with him.”

“He’s nice,” you shrugged. 

Regulus gave you a nod, “And…Do you want to see him again?” 

The question took you off guard. “Well, I…I don’t know, I…I mean, even if I see Evan again, it doesn’t have to mean anything. Him and I could just remain friends.” 

I should really talk to him to see how he sees it. Regulus remained silent, only staring at you. 

“Well, I have Quidditch practice,” he said. “Can we have lunch together after?” 

“I’d love to,” you nodded with a smile. 

Regulus smiled back at you, and left. You could feel something was off with him, but maybe it was just because he felt guilty for the argument you had yesterday? You tried not to think much of it, as you didn’t want to get your hopes up. A few minutes later, Emmeline and Mary came to your door, asking you if you wanted to do your homework together - however, while it was not the first time the three of you did that, you knew very well Emmeline would take that opportunity to ask you about your time spent with Evan. 

“Sooo, y/n,” Emmeline said with an amused and curious tone, “a little bird told me you spent the day with a certain blond boy from our class.”

“How was it?” Mary asked kindly. 

“It was nice,” you shrugged. “Evan is very kind, and we had a good time.” 

“Did he kiss you?” Emmeline asked abruptly. 

“Emmeline!” Mary protested.

“What? I’m just asking,” she raised her shoulders before turning back to you, “you better be prepared for it, girl, because I heard Evan and Marius last night, and he really liked your time together, so much so that he plans on courting you and asking you to be his girlfriend.”

“What?” you said in a whisper. 

“It’s a bit early, isn’t it?” Mary frowned. 

“Yes!” you said with panic in your voice. “Of course it is! We’ve spent barely a day with each other and it’s not like we talked that much before that!”

“Calm down, y/n,” Emmeline said, a bit confused by your reaction, “if you think things are going too fast, just tell him. He seems to really like you, so he probably won’t mind.” 

You sighed and did your homework in silence, and the subject quickly shifted to something else. Once you were done, you noticed Regulus would soon be back from practice, so you put back your things in your dorm before going to the Great Hall to wait for him. Next time, I’ll go watch the practice like I used to. But, on your way, you heard someone calling for you.

“y/n!”

You froze, and turned to see Evan almost running towards you. 

“What’s up, Evan?”

“I just wanted to say I really had a good time yesterday.”

“Me too,” you smiled. 

“And I was wondering if we could hang out again sometime? We could, I don’t know, have a picnic near the Black Lake or go to Madam Puddifoot’s Tea Shop? Or do anything you want, really.”

You were about to politely refuse, or at least tell him that it would only be as friends, but suddenly Regulus’ “I’m glad to have my best friend back.” came back to your mind. 

“Actually, I’d really love that,” you answered with a genuine smile. 

“Brilliant. I’ll see you later, then.”

You nodded vividly, and without thinking, got on your toes to give him a kiss on the cheek. His blue gaze shifted, and he turned around and left after giving you a smile. Why not? Maybe it’s worth giving it a shot. A half-smile on your lips, you turned heels to enter the Great Hall but your heart skipped a beat when you saw Regulus standing in the corridor. 

“Hi, Reggie.” 

Why did your voice have to be shaking? 

He only greeted you with his head, not speaking a word, and you two went to sit at the Slytherin table.

“How was practice?” 

“Good.”

He usually would give you details or just tell you how he did, but apparently he didn’t feel like it today.

“Did something happen?” you asked. 

“No,” he said coldly, only looking at his plate. 

His sudden cold behaviour made you too nervous to insist or ask other questions, and you also didn’t want to make him angrier than he already seemed to be, so you kept silent. You guys were almost done eating when he spoke again.

“What did Evan want?”

“Um, he wanted to ask if we could hang out again sometime.”

Regulus nodded, “That’s nice. Did you accept?”

“Yes.”

He nodded again, and his mouth turned an unusual smile.

“I’m happy for you, y/n.” 

And with that, he got up and left, leaving you more confused than ever.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

The week that followed was normal, spent between classes, homework, Emmeline’s constant and annoying teasing and questions and Regulus acting strangely. While you guys spend time together, he always seemed elsewhere and somehow full of melancholy. You had asked him if something was wrong, but he had said no. Evan, who now would sometimes smile at you in class, had also asked you to go to Madam Puddifoot’s Tea Shop on Saturday, and here you were, sitting among other couples. The place was nice, and Evan was still as kind as ever - even showing up with flowers again. You had done your best to focus and enjoy your time with him through the whole afternoon, but your mind kept coming back to Regulus and his attitude. 

“I didn’t think this place would be that nice,” Evan said. “I had never come here before.”

“Me neither,” you said. 

He gave you a smile, and soon after proposed to go to Honeydukes, as he had promised one of his friends to buy some sweets for him. You went in too, and bought Regulus’ favorite sweets with the hope that it would cheer him up - or that you two could at least share a moment of closeness and laughs with your stomachs full of sugar. 

You then both decided to go back to the warmness of the castle, and were mostly alone on your way back.

“I had a great time today, y/n,” he spoke, suddenly stopping.

“Me too,” you assured him. 

He looked at you, and before you had time to take another breath, he got closer, bent over and pressed his lips on yours. Your first instinct was to protect yourself, but after you realized what happened, the kiss started to feel a bit nice and you even kissed Evan back before he pulled away. You were now breathless and still processing the fact that you had your first kiss. 

“I’m so sorry,” Evan said. “I know I should have asked, but…I couldn’t help it. I really like you, y/n. Actually, I…I’ve liked you since last year.” 

Your eyebrows rose in surprise, “Really?” 

“Yeah,” he said, running his hand through his light hair in embarrassment, “I never asked you out because I thought you and Regulus were dating or something.”

You felt your heart sink and gulped.

“No, we…There was nothing between us.”

“Can’t say I’m not glad of it,” Evan had a half-smile. “Shall we?”   

You both went back to the castle, hand in hand, and sat in the common room. You somehow felt a bit overwhelmed with both Evan’s kiss and confession, and also by the fact that you were starting to think that things were going a little bit too fast. Maybe I should tell him? I can’t date him if I’m not fully over Reggie yet. You took a deep silent breath and turned to him.

“Evan? Can I tell you something?”

“Of course, beautiful.”

“I’m really enjoying our time together,” you started, “and I’m glad you told me about your feelings, but…”

“We’re going too fast,” he completed.

You nodded, and he had a small smile.

“I understand, don’t worry. It’s true this whole thing is really recent, so if you want us to take our time, I’m totally fine with it.”

You felt relieved, and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“Thank you, Evan.” 

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

A few weeks later, it felt like, except classes, everything else had changed. You now spent a lot of your time with Evan, who was still as sweet as ever, while the rest was spent between Emmeline and Mary. As for Regulus, you had noticed that as time passed, he had become more and more distant. While you didn’t think much of it - after all, he also disliked when you spent time with Emmeline and Mary back then - but it still made you sad and ashamed - sad, because you disliked the distance between the two of you, and ashamed, because you were more or less officially dating Evan now, but didn’t tell Regulus, and kept saying you were just “friends” instead. You tried your best to spend time with him, or just ask him how he was doing, but it was now his turn to avoid you, always finding an excuse to spend as little time with you as possible. And the few times he couldn’t leave, he was polite but cold, only answering your questions with short answers and focusing on something else. It started to annoy you a lot, and you planned on getting him somewhere he couldn’t escape from to finally get him to tell you what was wrong with him. 

But you also felt scared, because the more time you spent with Evan, the more your feelings for him started to grow. He now had the habit of coming to your dorm to kiss you goodnight every night, and you had even taken the initiative to kiss him a few times when you two were alone, and he was more than delighted. He didn’t seem to mind that you guys weren’t official yet, and for that you were thankful. But you also felt guilty to think and worry about Regulus - and having the kind of thought someone with a boyfriend shouldn’t have - and not be able to focus solely on Evan and your relationship. 

That said, Evan was so sweet and patient, and it made you want to make some effort too, and you were starting to think that maybe, going public wasn’t that bad. After all, you were not ashamed of Evan or your relationship. So, why not? A little voice inside your head was telling you only did that because of your guilt, but you ignored it, and one day after classes, you asked for Evan’s attention by touching his arm, and when he turned his head to you, you gestured for him to go into an empty corridor. He seemed pleasantly surprised, and had the usual small, serine smile he always gave you. You put your arms around his neck, and he soon wrapped his arms around your waist. 

“I’ve had an idea,” you said with a smile.

“Oh, really?” he said. “Should I be worried?”

“No. Actually, I…I thought it was maybe time to…not hide anymore?” 

Evan’s eyebrows raised and his blue eyes started glowing. “Really?”

You nodded, and Evan’s hands left your waist to cup your cheeks and pull you into a deep kiss. You kissed him back, and after a few seconds, you heard footsteps. You instinctively pulled away from Evan, and when you turned your head, you felt your stomach drop when you saw a boy with familiar black curls and green eyes - green eyes that were now looking at you with confusion, anger and sadness at the same time. Without realizing it, your hands left Evan’s neck, and you stepped away from him. 

“Reggie, I-”

But before you could continue, Regulus turned around and left. 

“Reggie!”

You turned to Evan, suddenly feeling guilty.

“I’m sorry, I…I’ll see you later, okay?”

You didn’t give him time to answer, and went after your best friend. As you started catching up with him, you realized - or decided - that it was time to confront him and finally have a proper discussion. 

“Reggie, wait!”

You both were now in the common room, but thankfully there were only a few people at the moment. He finally stopped walking, and turned to you. You almost took a step back, as you had never seen him with such a closed, angry face. 

“Can we talk?”

He looked at you, and took a look around. “Not here. In your dorm.”

He started walking again, but this time it was easier for you to follow him. He walked through the common room and climbed the stairs that led to the dorms. He entered your dorm first, his back turned to you, and after coming in, you closed the door behind you. 

“Reggie,” you started, “I-”

“Was that your first kiss?” he cut you off. 

It was now your turn to be confused. “What?”

He turned to you, and your heart started beating faster. 

“Was that the first time you’ve kissed someone?” 

You opened your mouth, but no words came out. 

“Tell me!” Regulus demanded in a louder voice.

“No!” you answered in the same tone. “No, it wasn’t! Why?! I don’t understand why you’re so angry. Why does that concern you all of a sudden?”

Regulus closed his eyes, had a small sigh, and ran both his hands through his face. 

“It should have been me,” he muttered for himself. 

At first, you thought you heard him wrong, and frowned in disbelief.

“What?” 

What in Merlin’s name is happening now? Regulus looked at you, sighing again, but this time it seemed as if he had lost all his anger, and now looked at you with broken eyes. 

“It should have been me,” Regulus repeated. “Me. Your first kiss. Your first love. Me, y/n. Not him.”

All the annoyance his reaction had provoked inside you suddenly left your body, leaving only confusion. 

“But, Reggie…You see me as your best friend. Nothing else,” you said as if it was obvious. 

“My best friend?” Regulus’ eyes widened. “My best…”

He had a laugh - and you would have been angry again if you had been capable of it - and he shook his head.

“y/n,” he said patiently. “I’ve been madly, desperately in love with you since our third year.” 

Your heart almost stopped, and your knees suddenly felt weak. For a second you were scared to lose balance and fall, but you managed to keep your body standing. Your eyes went on the ground, taking in what Regulus just said, and you shook your head. 

“No. No, you…You never showed any…Never said…”

“I know. I was scared you didn’t feel the same way, scared it would ruin our friendship. I’m sorry, y/n. I didn’t want to lose you, y/n, the mere thought broke me. You’re what I cherish the most in this life. Without you, I’d be lost.”

You felt tears burn in your eyes, and as you tried to take long breaths, you felt anger rise inside of you.

“I understand if it’s too late now,” Regulus continued. 

“You…You’re unbelievable.”

Regulus looked at you in confusion. “What-”

“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me since I’ve started seeing Evan?”

“Yes. I- I had this feeling you were starting to fall in love with him, and it was tearing me inside. I know it’s childish, and I also hated not seeing you, but it was too hard, y/n.” 

“And how do you think I felt all these years, thinking you only saw me as your friend and thinking I wasn’t good enough?” you snapped. “Thinking nothing could ever happen between us because you didn’t share my feelings? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get over you, how scary to think I might watch you fall in love with another girl one day, and also how scary it is to think I could probably meet the best man on Earth and still think I would rather be with you? How guilty I felt that, despite being with a great man who admitted he loved me, my heart was also still somewhere else?”

“You wanted to get over me?” Regulus asked in a low, almost broken voice.

“At first it was impossible, no matter how hard I tried. But, after you asked me why I had been avoiding you and called me your best friend, I thought you didn’t share my feelings and started moving on with Evan, because he was sweet and had a good heart. We started going out in secret, but despite how much I wanted it to work you were always in the back of my mind, especially since you’ve been avoiding me. It made me sad, and I was so worried about you that I couldn’t focus on my relationship.” 

There was a moment of heavy, almost sad silence, before Regulus spoke again.

“Do you love Evan?” 

You sighed, “He’s a sweet boy, and I guess you two are alike in some ways. In other circumstances, he might have been the kind of boy I would have fallen for, and I admit I like him.”

Regulus had no reaction at first. You thought he was going to give up, tell you to be happy, but after a minute you noticed his body stiffening.

“I’ll fight for you.”

“What?”  

He stepped closer to you. “I’ll fight for you. Now that I know you feel the same as I do, I won’t let you go. Ever. I’ll do what it takes for you to love me again. There is no way I’ll let us be apart. I love you, y/n. More than life.” 

“Reggie-”

But his warm, soft hands suddenly cupped your face, making your heart beat faster, and put his forehead against yours.”

“Please, y/n. I can’t stand the distance between us anymore, and I can’t stand thinking that you’re not mine. Please, I’ll beg you if I must, but give me a chance. A chance to prove that I can be the man you both need and deserve.”

“Reggie, Evan…”

Reggie pulled his head away, though keeping it a few inches from yours, and slightly shook his head.

“Stay with him if you feel that you must, but know I will not ever give up on you. Be it ten days, ten months or ten years, I’ll still be here, waiting for you to realize that you were destined to be mine, and I yours.” 

“Reggie, it’s not that easy-”

“Yes, it is! Don’t you see it?!”

And before you could say anything or take another breath, his hands were on both sides of your neck, his grip tight yet still gentle, and his lips crashed on yours. His kiss was desperate and starving, and awoke sensations you had never felt in your body. You soon kissed him back, suddenly also hungry for more, and Regulus immediately deepened the kiss, bringing your body close to his as much as possible. You didn’t have any idea how long the kiss lasted, but after a while, your lips and his parted, and you were both breathless. 

“You can’t imagine how many nights I’ve spent imaging kissing you,” he whispered. “How your lips would taste, how it would feel…How it would feel to feel you love me back…”

You sighed, realizing you couldn’t lie to yourself anymore. 

“I do love you, Reggie.” 

It seemed almost stupid now that you thought you could love another. You were doomed to love this kind, sweet, quiet boy for the rest of your life, whether you wanted it or not. 

“Then allow us to be together.” 

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

You came back to your dorm feeling better than when you left it. Fortunately, Evan had taken the breakup very well, but seeing him clearly upset hurt you more than you thought it would. Regulus had asked to come with you, but you knew Evan wouldn’t hurt you, and you felt like you had to finally take responsibility. Reggie was sitting on your bed and his eyes were curious when you walked in. 

“How did it go?” 

“As good as it could,” you sighed. “But it was necessary. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror if I lied to him. He deserves better.” 

Regulus nodded, and feeling you still felt guilty about Evan, he reached out his hands, and when you took them, he made you sat on his lap, wrapping his hands around you. 

“You’re right. I’m sure he’ll get over it quickly, he’s not as emotional as he may seem.” 

“What do you mean?” you frowned.

“Well, I’ve heard several times that he doesn’t seem to be affected by things. For not long, at least. But it’s just what people say, it might not be true after all.” 

You gave him a nod but remained silent. 

“I know it was hard,” he said gently. “And I know how much you hate hurting other people. But now, we can focus on what really matters.”

“Us.” 

“Yes. I know things have been tense between us these past few weeks, and I hated every second of it. But it’s in the past now. Now that we’ve been true with each other, it will be better. Better than they ever had been.”

You nodded in approval, and he gave you a kiss on the cheek. You started better under his touch, and suddenly had an idea.

“Reggie?”

“Love?”

“Can we…” you hesitated, but he encouraged you to continue, “Can we cuddle?”

Reggie’s mouth parted in the cutest, happiest smile. “Of course.”

You got up, allowing him to take off his shoes and robe, leaving him in his white buttoned shirt and green and silver tie. He then laid on your bed, and after doing the same as him, you put your head on his chest and put your hand on one side of his neck. One of his hands was on your lower back and the other around your shoulder, with both his thumbs gently stroking you. Once you were fully comfortable and stopped moving, you felt him sigh in contentment, and he put his cheek against your hair. 

“Every time I came here,” he said in a lower voice, “I would imagine what it would be like to just lay there and hold you in my arms like that.”

“I imagined it too,” you whispered, and you felt him holding you tighter. “I never thought it would actually happen.” 

“I’m sorry, my love. Truly.”

“Don’t apologize.” 

You raised your head to give him a gentle yet loving kiss, before putting it back on his chest. Despite not feeling tired, you closed your eyes, feeling more at peace and happy than you ever did. After a few hours of just staying here, happily holding each other, you went down to dinner, and thankfully didn’t run into Evan - Reggie and you had agreed to wait a few days before making your relationship known out of respect for him. Dinner was spent talking and laughing like you had done all these years, and you could have almost cried of how it felt to have things really go back to normal. Once you were both finished, you guys immediately went back to your dorm, and spent the rest of the night cuddling, kissing, whispering sweet things to each other while eating sweets. You eventually started falling asleep with Reggie’s body pressed against yours, his arms wrapped around your waist and his head in your hair. 

You woke up the next morning in the exact same position, except that Reggie’s leg was now over yours, as if to stop you from leaving the bed. Still half asleep, you managed to turn around to face him, and saw how adorable he looked when he slept. You resisted the urge to caress his face and his soft dark curls, too scared to awake him. But after a short moment, Reggie started moving, and his eyes slowly opened. He immediately smiled when he saw you, and you couldn’t help but smile back. 

“Morning, handsome,” you whispered, kissing his nose.

“Morning, love,” he yawned. “Slept well?”

“Perfectly. You?”

“Perfectly as well. We should go for breakfast, it’s probably like 10 am,” you added with a laugh. 

“Want to have it here instead?” he asked, suddenly completely awake. “I could go in the kitchens and bring some food here.” 

“It’s okay, Reggie,” you smiled, “we can just down there with the others.

“But I wanna stay here with you,” he pouted, and his adorable child-like expression made you laugh. “Alright, we’ll go down for breakfast, but today is free, and I want us to have a special lunch.”

“Of course,” you assured him. 

He kissed you before allowing you to leave bed, and after you both showered and got ready, you went down to the Great Hall. After breakfast, you spent the rest of the morning in your dorm, quickly finishing the homework you both hadn’t done yet and cuddled again before Reggie left, giving you a kiss and telling you to meet him fifteen minutes later by the entrance’s hall. 

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

“y/n!” 

You turned to see Emmeline and Mary walking towards you, dressed in their winter clothes. 

“We’re going to go shopping at Hogsmeade, wanna join us?” Emmeline said.

“Oh, hum,” you said, “no, sorry, I’m waiting for Reggie, we’re gonna have lunch by ourselves.” 

“Like a date?” Mary asked with a kind smile.

“What?” Emmeline retorted. “But I thought you and Evan were this close to be dating. What happened?”

“Evan was nice, but I don’t think it would have worked between us,” you shook your head. “Also, I haven’t spent time with Reggie in weeks, and I want to change that.”

As you said that, you saw Reggie coming, with a basket in his hand. You smiled goodbye to the girls, and followed Reggie near the stairs, resisting the urge to hold his hand. You followed him to the third floor of the castle, and you wondered what he had in mind until a large door appeared in front of him, and you finally realized this was the Room of Requirement. He opened the door, and invited you inside.

“Madam.”

You smiled at him before coming in, and gasped. The room was decorated with candles, flowers and Christmas decorations all around and, in the middle of the room, a large picnic blanket with several large pillows. On the opposite wall, a fire was burning in a marble chimney. 

“Reggie! It’s so beautiful.”

“Well, thank you, sweetheart, but I didn’t do anything. Though I have to say, I exactly had that in mind. 

You sat down on the picnic blanket, and when you opened the basket and saw all that Reggie had taken - sandwiches, cheese, some fruits, different kinds of small cakes, pumpkin juice, hot chocolate, Christmas biscuits - you couldn’t help but give him a thankful kiss. 

“It looks good, Reggie.” 

“Help yourself, love.” 

You both started eating while chatting and laughing, and you didn’t know how much you had missed laughing and talking with him until that moment. Once the basket was empty - because apparently being happy and in love made you hungrier - you got closer to Reggie, putting your head on his shoulder. He immediately kissed your forehead, gently putting you between his legs, with your back against his chest and his hands around you. You immediately felt your body relax and your heart beat faster. 

“I could stay here all day,” you said.

“It’s Saturday, love. We absolutely could. And, to be honest, spending the day here with you in my arms sounds like the perfect day.” 

He nuzzled your nose, which made you giggle. However, as you looked at the Christmas decorations around the room, it reminded you that Christmas break was soon, and that both Reggie and you would have to go back to your respective homes. You knew your parents would love Reggie if they ever met him, but you couldn’t say the same for his own parents. You must have been lost in your thoughts longer than you thought, as Reggie gave you a quick kiss on the temple. 

“What are you thinking about, beautiful?”

“Do you think your parents would love me?” 

“Oh.”

You shook your head, “Yeah, I know, it’s probably too soon to think about that. I’m sorry.” 

“No, you’re right,” Reggie answered. “You’re gonna have to meet them one day if we’re gonna get married.”

“Reggie!” you turned to him, chuckling and turning to face him. 

“What? I was serious, y/n. I’m never gonna you let you go. You’re the only person I will ever be with. You were meant to be mine, and I was meant to be yours.” 

He leant to kiss you, and you realise that he was right. You and Reggie were meant to be together no matter what.

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[red-hot-kick]

Theory: Ryuji was popular, before.

I'm not entirely sure if anyone has really talked about this but I maintain my interpretation that, in the canon of Persona 5, Ryuji used to be very (or at least moderately) popular prior to the events of the story.

This is something I've gotten into before when talking to friends who like the game and the character, but I haven't really considered writing it down until now. The main argument I have is based on three things:

Things Ryuji alluded to in canon (but no one believed him on)

The deliberate choice of making him a track athlete

Typecasting for voice actors

1: "There were girls all over me!"

I don't really have the time to go on a deep dive through all the instances in which he hints at his reputation before the Kamoshida incident, but I think the most clear-cut representation of this was during the scene where he and Ann spend the day with Futaba during her post-palace social rehabilitation:

So here's the thing...I don't think he's lying about this. Nobody in the room would be that impressed to find out whether Ryuji was popular since they are already friends (or in Mona's case, he really just doesn't care), so it wouldn't make sense for him to lie.

Regarding everyone's reactions though, here's my impression: Ann was simply not aware of what was going on with the track team, being predominantly focused on dealing with rumors, her friendship with Shiho, and her modeling career (and eventually Kamoshida's advances once he started doing that shit) and she mentions a few times that she and Ryuji weren't actually close before joining the PT; they were just in the same class in middle school. Futaba hasn't interacted with anyone her age in years and isn't the most reliable source when it comes to what people generally find attractive; just because she doesn't have any interest in Ryuji doesn't mean that nobody her age would. And Morgana is a cat that brags constantly about how cool he is, so he shouldn't be throwing rocks.

There are many other times in the game when you get little glimpses of his social savvy, and from my understanding of Royal (I'm an OG vanilla P5 player and haven't done 3rd-semester yet, so don't kill me) when the track team returns to "how it was", he is getting along extremely well with everyone. Not only was he the team's ace: this kid was also expected to become the captain by his senior year (as briefly mentioned when he bumps into his former senpai at the gym, iirc). That's huge! If his team held him in such high regard, then the general student body of Shujin surely had a similar opinion. This brings me to my next point:

2: Girls like boys that run fast(???)

This is honestly something that baffles me. It's also really difficult for me to substantiate; any source material on this is obviously in Japanese and if I could find any of it, I sure as hell can't read it. The only English-language source I know of I cannot find anymore; I think it was an old Tofugu article? However. If you've watched any romance anime set in a high school during the last 20 years, you might have seen this trope at some point: the school sports festival is happening, and the relay race is kind of a huge deal (it's the final event! a make-or-break moment for the class!). The boy thinks to himself "If I win this race, I'll be able to win her heart/ask her out/etc." Low-stakes drama ensues. Maybe a confession happens.

This is (from what I've been told) based on a long-standing trend of girls and women self-reporting in surveys about how, oftentimes, their crushes in junior or senior high school were simply "the boy who ran the fastest in the races". I have no idea what this means in a broader cultural context. It makes no goddamn sense to me at all. Do not cite me on this. But I think it's worth keeping in mind, even if it's almost entirely speculative (and possibly outdated) information. And even if it's just based on rumors, don't you think it's pretty in-character for Ryuji to go for a track scholarship—despite being adept at other sports like baseball and football/soccer, as mentioned in P5 and P5D—because he was aware of the potential of being more popular with girls? Of course, his priority would be getting the scholarship and paying his way through school to lighten his mother's burden, but hey, getting a girlfriend on the way up wouldn't be half bad!

I think this could also inform us as to why Kamoshida (as a predator who wanted attention from high school girls) felt so threatened by the track team in particular, and why he felt a need to specifically knock Ryuji down a peg and sought out a weakness to do so (as opposed to targeting any of the probably just-as-popular boys on the many other athletic teams and clubs in the school). Just some food for thought on this one! Also, if anyone can find a source or has any insight on the relay race thing, please share. I am so confused about it.

3: Typecasting

So this is something that you really only notice if you are very into keeping up with seiyuu in Japan. I am not one of those people. But I do have some favorite voice actors! One of these being Mamoru Miyano.

So I freakin' love this dude. He's voiced a lot of my favorite characters, sings incredibly well, and has an unreal sense of comedy. He's stated in interviews that his acting inspiration is Jim Carrey, and let me tell you: it shows. He is also quite consistently typecast into certain roles, predominantly as princely pretty-boy types, Coolguys, or complete fucking nutcases. Sometimes all three at the same time (shoutout to my boy Ling FMA!)

ATLUS definitely cast him for P5 because of his comedic chops. But I think they also cast him because having him voice someone like Ryuji is a great way to subvert expectations for the player. I think it's supposed to give you whiplash—"what do you mean the voice of LIGHT FUCKING YAGAMI is coming out of this guy's mouth?" "why does the delinquent character sound like king of the host club Tamaki Suou?" "isn't that Rin Matsuoka's voice?" etc. etc. etc.

(here's a quick list, just to really get the idea across. maybe you recognize a few.)

This is obviously a non-comprehensive list, but something that a lot of the characters he's voiced over the years have in common is that they were considered cool, handsome, or popular. Not just for fans, but within the canon of their stories! So...what does that mean? What does that say about how we should see Ryuji?

I think players are supposed to expect that he will fall into one of those categories too, and then be surprised to find that it's not the case—that he's been isolated and made bitter and resigned by what happened to him the year before.

Speaking of his tone, I think it's very telling that Ryuji actually forgets to keep up the delinquent act a lot in the original JP audio, which unfortunately doesn't really carry over in the ENG translation. The delivery of his JP lines sounds a bit more subdued in comparison too—yeah he's got a lot of energy and is very hotheaded, but when he gets to talking about serious shit, he sounds a lot more regretful and melancholy as opposed to the EN delivery which depicts him as more resentful and outwardly angry. I think before Shit Went Down, he probably had the Coolguy vibe. Still a bit of a rowdy idiot and a showoff, but I think he probably came across to most people as a very friendly, sincere, and popular guy.

So yeah, the girls probably were all over him, at least for a short while.

[irisbleufic]

@eidetictelekinetic, I'd like to follow up on something we keep discussing in comment threads to my Devil's Minion stories, because I've found the paper trail in my archives. There's indeed something I wrote as an undergraduate ca. 2005 that I had forgotten about that underpins a common theme (namely: Daniel and Armand wondering what might've happened if they'd met when they were young in Armand's time and place, when he was still mortal) periodically haunting the dialogue across my various unconnected stories. I'm somewhat in disbelief that I can prove this exists, and I needed a spark of joy like this in an otherwise bleak, snowed-out week.

This is a ghost story in that the work I'm discussing here was written under my deadname, but I don't tend to shy from people knowing it. Still, it's times like this when pieces resurface that I realize I block facets of my former self so thoroughly at times that I do my writing history a disservice. This felt like knocking down a wall, and I'm really startled at what's sitting covered in dust on the other side. Mindfuck your characters long enough and you might even mindfuck yourself.

In the spring of my senior year at Wellesley, I took a poetry seminar with Frank Bidart. He didn't like my work much, which was a source of amusement to me; if somebody doesn't like my writing, I just dig in and crank up the annoyance factor by being even more myself. The number of professors and editors that I've gone out of my way to irritate in my higher ed and writing careers is vaguely embarrassing at this point, but that's another story for another time.

At the same time as I was in this poetry seminar, I had also overloaded my schedule with Medieval literature seminars. I'd done that for about four consecutive semesters, actually. The Early Modern and Medieval course offerings at Wellesley, at least at that time, were so numerous that you really could do about two years solid of nothing but that type of coursework. I was fluent in French at the time, so I was able to pull some unhinged shit like reading La Chanson de Roland in Anglo-Norman with minimal dictionary assistance while reading it in English in one of the courses, and then I started haunting the used bookstores in Harvard Square and digging up volumes of lesser known Anglo-Norman ballads and fragments, and there was this one book that focused on early surviving trobairitz poetry, songs by women from that period. There was one fragment that really, really haunted me. I don't know if I still have the book, that's the one piece in the documentation chain I'm still hunting down, but I have my translation of that fragment because I found the poem I wrote around my translation. That poem got published twice after I graduated; that publication history is neat in its own right.

So, the poem I wrote for the seminar is really the thing I want to talk about here. I had this short 10th-11th century trobairitz ballad fragment that I translated out of Anglo-Norman, and I was very excited about it, because it was very gay. I thought, hmmm, I'll write a narrative poem about a couple of nobodies set in that time period. Who are my nobodies? I'm picturing teenagers, just a couple of boys. They can't be more than sixteen or seventeen. Where are they? I'm also taking a class on crusader states at this point in time, and I'm extremely interested in various cultural migrations in and out of Italy and Spain (the good, the bad, and the ugly). So I just go, okay, I'll have them fleeing a noble household in Italy, heading for Spain. My head's entrenched in those places thanks to a history class; it gives me something to hang onto as geographical starting and endpoints. Why are they running away? Kid attached to the noble household has fallen in love with a stonemason's apprentice from somewhere a lot further abroad; they don't speak the same language, but since when has that stopped people from falling in love? Stonemason's apprentice wants to save the kid in a bad situation in the noble household, get him out of there. Yeah, let's do that. And I'll cover just the journey, not what happens before they leave or after. And I'll show what they run into along the way, and they'll hear someone perform that piece of the song, and one of them is able to translate it for the other as they gradually learn enough pieces of common languages to communicate with each other.

This poem was never going to be long; the poems in our portfolios for this class couldn't be long. The concept work behind it was much longer than the poem itself, as was the work I put into the fragment translation. This kind of storytelling in lieu of confessional poetry was going to annoy my professor. I knew exactly what I was doing with all of this: satisfying a storytelling itch, letting myself practice translation, being the inveterate fandom writer I already was by that point, just being generally obnoxious in my early 20s. It's a living.

I wrote the poem. It got workshopped in class; classmates loved it, Frank made faces and was barely polite about it. The written feedback in it on my final portfolio called it "pseudo-medieval pastiche," and I was so happy I could've framed that shit. I put the poem away for a few years and didn't think about it. I moved to the UK and started an MA program in Medieval Studies. My poems started getting published in SF/F/Spec publications. In 2009, I learned about a call for poems for a 10th anniversary special issue of a magazine called Mythic Delirium, and something about the themed call made me remember my pain-in-the-ass, labor-of-love portfolio poem, which was called "Journeying." I submitted it.

"Journeying" was published in Mythic Delirium Issue #20, which, (in)famously, also first featured a poem by the now-disgraced Neil Gaiman called "Conjunctions." If I'm honest, it's bizarre to have that as a major point of memory in this poem's first printing. Here's how "Journeying" looks in that issue of the magazine:

The italicized portion at the end is my translation of the trobairitz ballad. It's all that survives of one particular song that happened to be written down. It always amazes me that so few lines can express so much longing across so many centuries.

Flash forward a few more years to when I learn about Erzebet YellowBoy's brilliant Papaveria Press hand-stitched limited artbook editions of poems. One of my oldest friends, Paige (@dreambreathing) and I decide to collaborate as we've done so many times before: they did a set of two watercolor illustrations for the poem conceived as a fold-out frontispiece and backplate, and we pitched it as an artbook. Papaveria said yes. In 2012, "Journeying" was released as an edition of 18 of these little books:

You never see the boys on the road or under the tree overlooking those ruins (those ruins, those fucking ruins, I forgot) until you pan in. Don't get distracted. Look closer. Imagine me, @eidetictelekinetic, getting more and more spooked every time we talk about this recurring thing in the dialogue I'm writing across stories. Why am I doing this? Why is it familiar? And by the time we get to "Guard Your Heart," why do I have the feeling it's hit peak hilarity by the time Daniel's looking at those Talamasca photographs?

This is an awfully long punch line, but it's here. I wrote it, some version of it, some version of them, in another life. And for me it was another life, too, a life with the name of a girl I now barely recognize. Who is Adrienne? I know that Adrienne wrote this poem, but I no longer know her as well as I would like. However, I do know that she gave up almost everything she had to give me what I have now, and I'm the writer that I am because of her. I carry these characters with me because of her; she's the one who first read them.

(Also, here's another shout-out to @dreambreathing not just for being one of my best friends through all of this and one of the most talented artists I've ever known, but also for being the namesake of my current biggest troublemaker in Caldera. Love you, Paige.)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for almost killing my 8th grade english teacher? (warning: racism, sa mention)

I (M16, 14 at the time, white (this is important later)) was part of the newspaper in middle school. The teacher running the newspaper (F… 50? 60? i have no idea) was always really nice to me, and we got along really well. I was ecstatic to see that she would be my english teacher in 8th grade.

That is, until the class actually began.

This english class we mostly read books about oppression and historical atrocities and genocide because our history class wouldn’t cover that for some reason (the reason is racism). It seemed like this teacher would have done a good job of teaching this material, but well. you can see where this is going.

a week into the school year the whole class saw that she was pretty racist - not like overtly racist; she sort of said she cared about fighting oppression and then… was a part of that oppression. like she’d say “i could never be racist” and then she would be racist. it’s hard to explain. she would always be incredibly weird about disciplining the Black kids in the class, blaming one guy in particular for like. every time a guy in the class acted like and eighth grade boy would act. she was also really condescending to him; she’d constantly make comments about how he couldn’t follow rules (which obviously isn’t true). she did this to an extent to all the other Black kids in the class as well; later when some of them went to the principal to talk about what happened they said they didn’t feel safe in her class.

additionally, pretty much nobody even stood for the pledge of allegiance (we were usually busy reading cause the library in that school was really nice and had a really good collection of books), and when they did they’d never actually say it. this teacher had a problem with this, and every time she saw absolutely nobody in the class standing for the pledge of allegiance, she’d make the entire homeroom (oh yeah i was in her homeroom too, forgot to mention that) tell her why they didn’t for literally the entire class period. Every time someone mentioned systemic racism or racist history she’d butt in either saying “my parents were immigrants and they stood for the pledge” or she’d start talking about her gay son. some kids told stories of being called slurs when they were younger. some kids cried. she would always bring up her gay son as a rebuttal. and i get that being gay is hard, i’m gay myself, but that is not in any way applicable to the situation at hand here. This happened on three separate occasions - sometimes a single person would stand for the pledge just so there was at least one person doing it and so we wouldn’t have to have that conversation.

And then there was the actual teaching. oh boy. so, as i said before, almost all of our books in this class were about some sort of historical atrocity because the history class didn’t have time for it apparently. and uh. uhhhhhhh yeah. with this teacher it was not a good experience.

We had read books about racism for summer reading and we were reading the novel Chains at the beginning of the school year, and the teacher would always talk about how “resilient” the characters in the books were and how they made the best of their situations and fought back, but never about how these characters should have never had to be in these situations in the first place and WHO PUT THEM IN THESE SITUATIONS, WHAT SYSTEMS PUT THEM IN THESE SITUATIONS YOU KNOW THE KIND OF STUFF ONE WOULD NEED TO KNOW FROM A COURSE LIKE THIS TO MAKE SURE HISTORY DOESNT REPEAT ITSELF. Later in the year we read Warriors Don’t Cry and it went exactly how you’d expect. “Resiliency”. Also worse than you’d expect. The teacher victim blamed the author, a real ass person writing about real fucking events, for almost being assaulted at a young age. And though we focused more on the systems of oppression, thankfully, we also watched and interview with the little rock nine and some of the people who harassed them in school, and one of them, a white woman, said the n word and refused to apologize. and this teacher defended her???? On another occasion we had a lesson about feminism and we read some of Sojourner Truth’s writing, and she interpreted it as solely being about womanhood and not race - and when I tried to talk about how race is an important factor in the message of one of the speeches, the teacher called my parents. We also read books about the holocaust and this teacher was surprisingly respectful throughout the whole thing. No victim blaming, no talk of resilience, nothing.

I had talked to her about all of this before. We knew each other from the newspaper, and it even seemed like I was her favorite student. She would not budge. Sometimes she even made the argument that I was smarter than the other kids, that I cared more than the other kids, that I would notice these things and care about them but other kids wouldn’t and I should just shut up because nobody understands me because i’m just so smart. which made me fucking pissed. i don’t care any more than the other kids who told you stories of being harassed and ridiculed at 8:30 am on a weekday so that the whole class could excercise their freedom of speech. i’m not any smarter than the other kids who cited countless examples of the atrocities this country committed against people of color to you who you didn’t listen to. in fact, i’m not even that smart. i’d say i’m kind of an idiot. and i want to be an idiot, because then i’m not put on a pedestal to push other people down.

This happened two years ago so i don’t exactly remember the order in which these next three events happened.

Since during these talks sometimes i’d start to cry, in may my french teacher asked me if i wanted to transfer to her homeroom and i did. It was a lot better there.

Around this time about eight of the kids from my old homeroom went to the principal to talk about this teacher and how her class made them feel unsafe.

Anyway, my backpack is very heavy. I usually have a lot of books in there, until this year I used five subject notebooks, I never clean out my folders and I brought a laptop as well. Even with all this though, my backpack always ends up being heavier than I expected.

So, one day my anger toward this teacher boiled over. On my way out of english class, when she went to say goodbye to me, I shoved her to the side with my backpack. It turns out that broke her hip, and she was out of school for two weeks. When she came back she said she had almost died in the hospital. She also announced her retirement, and that she was going to go and “end racism”, ironically. She knew I was the one who hit her, but she didn’t say anything about that. I was still her favorite, apparently. It left a bad taste in my mouth that she still thought of me like this. Eventually I graduated from that school and I haven’t seen her since.

tldr: A teacher of mine was racist and making a lot of the kids in the class feel unsafe, and she tried to keep me from arguing with her about it, so I hit her with my backpack and broke her hip, almost killing her.

AITA???

What are these acronyms?

[narrans]

My Borrowed Son | 21 | Lyn-ding A Hand

Chapter Twenty-One | Lyn-ding A Hand

The summer came and went and, before he knew it, Parker was a sophomore in high school as a thirteen year old boy.

The fallout with Selina had almost no affect on the overall friend group except for Spencer, who decided to stay with the friend group despite his twin sister’s pouting. Spencer said that his sister was just trying to be nosey and that while she did have a massive crush on Parker, he knew because she wouldn’t shut up about it, it was only part of her motivation to ask Parker to be her boyfriend.

Her curiosity got the better of her and it divided some of the friends for a short time while their versions of the event circulated.

Regardless, summer made for some great movie nights for the group of childhood friends and all of them managed to find time to see Parker virtually. There were large gaps of time where Parker wouldn’t hear from anyone, but that was okay.

The incident with Selina made Parker feel a bit more reserved and protective of himself, specifically about his condition. More time was dedicated to writing and studying late in the evenings because of it. The fallout initially left a bit of a hole in Parker’s chest, but it was something Parker felt himself getting over quickly.

Selina always had a flare for the dramatic and now was no exception.

Parker also knew that the frustration of people not knowing about his condition and keeping it a secret would take its toll on him. It made him feel lonely and guarded, which combined during the new school year as Parker being a lot more quiet than he was in his previous grades.

Some of his friends did ask why he was reluctant and if he felt comfortable with sharing more, but Parker quickly shut all of it down and retracted into himself.

That is… until it came time to partner up in one of his English literature classes.

Parker had hoped that he might be left to his own devices and write a story on his own, but there was an even number of students in the class which dashed his hopes. Parker sighed and leaned back in his chair. If he knew the general pattern, he would be writing the entire story alone along with the report and someone else would get a piece of the grade he earned.

As his teacher read off the names of his fellow classmates, Parker heard his name called along with the name of a girl he had become acquainted with last year because of her writing. They had actually been at the same middle school as well and even shared a few classes now that Parker thought about it. They had never officially met, but that didn’t stop him from knowing her name.

Lyndsie Sullivan.

She was a bit of a quiet, pensive girl, but her poetry was absolutely flawless. It reflected a spunky, upbeat kind of girl who was mature far beyond her years. Parker didn’t need to be an adult to tell that Lyndsie was well spoken and knew exactly what she wanted and was willing to wait or do whatever was necessary to have it.

She also had a subtle boldness about her. During a few instances where one of the other students was being picked on, it was Lyndsie who helped come to that student’s aid. There was a subtle intimidation that loomed behind her bright green eyes, and she knew it.

So, when Parker heard his name paired with hers, Parker felt a mild sense of unease settle over him. There was something about her that, when they had class discussion together, that made Parker feel like Lyndsie could see right through the camera.

Still, this was just for class. He wasn’t going to talk to her outside of class. They were meant to talk for assignments and that was all.

Lyndsie came over to her new desk in front of Parker’s camera that was set up in class and smiled politely as she organized all of her books and notes on the desk.

“Hey, Parker. It’s nice to meet you finally,” smiled Lyndsie. “I think we’ve had a few classes together last year and in middle school, but we’ve just been ships passing in the night.” Parker looked into her eyes and saw a bright spark of creativity blooming in those green eyes of hers.

He smiled back politely, readjusting his tie and nodded. “Yeah, I was just thinking the same thing. It’s nice to meet you too Lyndsie.”

“Lyn, please,” emphasized Lyndsie as she began tying her thick brown hair into a low bun. “Don’t get me wrong. I like my name, but I let my friends go by my nickname.” Parker snorted in amusement.

“Are we friends?” he asked. Lyn smiled and leaned forward on the desk, resting her chin onto the palm of her propped up hand.

“I think so. We have each other’s names and we’ve had a few classes together. We just need to find out our favorite colors and we’re basically besties,” grinned Lyn. “Unless you’re not comfortable with that and prefer to be strictly professional; but where’s the fun in that?”

Parker felt his cheeks getting a bit warm. Something about her features and her easygoing personality suddenly made him remember those nervous butterflies he felt when he and Selina talked all those months ago and, instantly, he felt himself wanting to retract. The last time he was asked his favorite color was when Selina went into that random rant about how boyfriends and girlfriends told each other things, and Parker didn’t want a repeat performance.

“Um… well… we’re at school and it’s supposed to be more professional,” stated Parker. Lyn sighed before shrugging her shoulders and snagging what looked like a fountain pen from her desk.

“Fair enough, Mr. Silverstein. Now, onto the assignment. We don’t have a lot of time in class to finish discussing what our story is going to be about, and I don’t want to have to work extra after school on something we could’ve knocked out right here and now,” stated Lyn as she began making notes at the top of the page.

Her go get em attitude was something Parker wasn’t familiar with from his fellow students. Many of them took their education seriously, yes; however, it was usually Parker who had to bring the conversation back on track. Rarely did they delve immediately into the assignment.

It was also odd that Lyn didn’t ask anything about his condition. Parker’s experience was that ninety-nine percent of people, when one-on-one, would ask him at least something about why he was behind the camera at home and not in class.

Not her.

It was, in a word, refreshing, and soon Parker found himself enthralled in their conversation about what kind of story they were going to create for their literature course.

“So, part of the rubric says that we have to do extensive research in the area of our choosing. It must be ‘historically accurate’ within reason for a fantasy novel. So, to me, this could mean a lot of things, and I can send an email regarding it, but I’m thinking that we need to find something we’re both interested in that could potentially involve a lot of research.

“We also need to cite our sources for whatever we choose, which will be fun. So, what do you want to do some research on? What do we want our story to be about?” asked Lyn as she tore her eyes away from the screen and onto Parker.

Parker, whose eyes were mostly scanning the rubric, glanced over to catch her eyes again. A shiver crawled down his spine as he glanced back at the digital checklist their story needed to achieve.

“Well, I know what I would want to do, but it’s not for everyone,” muttered Parker as an idea was already formulating in his mind.

“Oh? Let’s hear it. No bad ideas, relatively speaking,” stated Lyn.

Parker bit his lip and glimpsed his space poster in the corner of his study room. He sighed and thought there was no harm in suggesting it. It was an idea he had already, but he planned on this being part of an independent series he would publish on his own.

“Well… okay… hear me out…” started Parker before taking a breath before the plunge. “I’m really into space and satellites and everything. Could we do some kind of space adventure?” Lyn hummed contemplatively before nodding slowly.

“I… think we could do something with that. I don’t know much about space. Would this be about some kind of technology AI thing that finds a civilization? Or is it like Star Trek where you’ve got a captain of a ship and they go exploring around?”

“Um… maybe a mix of the two? I was just thinking about topics in general,” said Parker, surprised that Lyn was so easily convinced. Lyn hummed again and scribbled something into her notebook.

Passively, she remarked, “Personally, I’m kind of into pirates and all of that. Hey! If you’re not totally sold on a futuristic era, do you want to do a little combination of the two ideas? We have precedence with that one show ‘Firefly.’ Have you ever seen it?”

Parker had actually seen the show recently, but he didn’t see the very end of it because he had just started it.

“You want to do space pirate cowboys?” asked Parker, finding the idea amusing and alluring at the same time.

“Something like that. ‘Firefly’ mixed with a touch of ‘Treasure Planet’ and all of a sudden we have a hit. What do you think? Originality points and all that. Plus, we can each do research and break up the work if we want. I don’t know. What are your thoughts?” asked Lyn.

Parker thought about her proposition and already his mind was coming up with a bunch of fun ideas. He could see a crew of space pirates going around breaking all of the rules on different planets but also helping everyone. A kind of Robin Hood like character came to mind, and Parker found himself not opposed to the concept.

“Alright,” he said finally, noticing that Lyn had torn her eyes away from her writing to look up at him. “Sure. Let’s try it out.”

A beaming smile from Lyn suddenly made Parker’s cheeks very warm all of a sudden, making him look away from the camera as he quickly tapped away on his keyboard and shared his screen as a document.

It took only ten minutes for the two of them to come up with a solid concept for a story.

Together, they decided that the Galactic Federation, the overall ruling governmental body of the Interstellar Collective, had been corrupted by career politicians who had forgotten what it was like to scrape up a living. As a result, piracy and black markets blossomed in the oddest places – and space was no exception.

Captain Orion Zane, a charismatic leader with a true heart of gold, decided he wouldn’t stand for the injustice. He and a group of eleven others ran a ship that they collectively named “Karma” to intercept convoy ships and break up blockades of oppressive spaceships.

The announcement of class ended their creative flow, but Lyn offered her number and Discord username if Parker wanted to add her as a friend and talk more about the story later. In the meantime, she would start investigating the definition of “pirate,” marine laws that would apply in international waters as well as space, and weapons that traditional pirates used to see what they could futurize.

“Okay. Sounds like a plan to me. I’ll talk to you later Parker. I mean… Mr. Silverstein,” said Lyn.

“Bye, Lyn. Oh… sorry… Ms. Sullivan,” said Parker before exiting to the lobby and preparing for his next class.

For whatever reason, Parker suddenly found himself completely distracted for the rest of the day. He was researching space during math and history, and when he wasn’t doing that he was thinking about the way Lyn looked at him over the screen.

Every time he thought about her, everything in him tingled and made him almost uncomfortably warm. What was almost alarming was that Parker liked this feeling. Just thinking about her dark green eyes flicking up from her paper made him shiver.

Class continued as normal, and Parker found himself eagerly awaiting his English class just to talk to Lyn again. He even dared to add her on Discord so the two of them could talk after school ended. Their conversation were primarily about their collective story, but the conversation would often drift to other topics by the end of the evening when they had to go finish work or eat dinner.

Parker liked talking to Lyn. There was something about her that drew him in regardless of topic. What made it better was that they were similarly aligned in how they thought class should be conducted, what they thought about different elements of life, and even their favorite activities which were numerous and all over the place.

She was a fascinating person to talk to, and Parker realized later that his face would ache from how much he was smiling.

It wasn’t until dinner nearly four weeks later that Parker found himself snapped out of his stupor when his mom asked how he was feeling and if there was anything wrong.

“Your cheeks are so pink. You’re not running a fever, are you?” she noticed as she dished out a bit of fish, greens, and rice into a small dish for Parker.

“Oh um… well… I was just thinking,” said Parker.

“Thinking? About what?” asked his mom. Parker took the dish and sat down at his place on the table while his mom fixed herself a plate.

“Well… we got new partners today for English class and… well… she’s… really nice…” said Parker. The gleam in his mom’s eyes was undeniable as she sat down at the table and smiled knowingly.

“Oh? She?” prompted his mom. Parker felt his cheeks blushing harder than ever. He knew he must look as red as a cherry tomato as he quickly blessed his food and began eating.

“Y-yeah,” he said as he shoveled a part of rice into his mouth.

“Really? What’s her name?” asked his mom. Parker knew he was busted at this point. It wasn’t like he was keeping a lot of secrets from his mom, but he also didn’t mention his adventure into the walls or the breakup with Selina.

He licked his lips and kept his eyes averted ever so slightly, wondering why he was feeling suddenly shy about talking to his mom, as he said, “Lyn. Technically, it’s Lyndsie Sullivan, but she likes her friends to call her Lyn.”

Amanda smiled as she brought her cup up to her lips and took a drink. Parker unknowingly had been talking a lot about Lyn recently, but the context was usually class and how good she was at pretty much everything. Amanda suspected Parker might be developing his first real crush, but actually hearing it was both exciting and worrisome.

Amanda worried about when this day would happen. She wanted her son to develop feelings for someone in his own time, but she also knew the complications of his size when talking to someone who was much bigger than he was. There were so many factors when developing a crush and getting into a relationship, and Parker’s size was one of those factors; though he didn’t really know it yet.

It wasn’t something that would come up in normal conversation. Plus, there were complications when it came to how tall Parker was.

It pained Amanda to no end, but a worry she had was that Parker wouldn’t find someone his size who he would like.

Now wasn’t the time to talk about that – or maybe it was.

She would have to read some of her parenting books later to see how to talk about these topics with Parker later tonight.

In the meantime, she decided to celebrate his feelings and encourage him. These feelings were natural after all.

“Well, Lyn sounds like a wonderful girl,” remarked Amanda. At this, Parker’s eyes changed. His mom swore she saw what she could only describe as “dream eyes” as Parker thought about his friend.

“Yeah, she’s great. She’s into photography and showed me some of her stuff. It’s really awesome. She does these cool perspective shots of flowers and all sorts of other things. I need to show you some of the things she sent over Discord,” said Parker, a bit too eagerly as he suddenly realized and went back to eating, cheeks bright scarlet.

“Yeah?” asked Amanda, hoping to prompt further reaction from her son. Sadly, Parker only elaborated a little as they finished their meal together. Parker was in a bit of a hurry because, according to him, he had an important assignment he needed to finish before the end of the night, but Amanda suspected that Parker simply wanted to get online and see if Lyn was online and available to chat.

He excused himself from the table hurriedly and vanished back to his room, jogging to cross the floor and taking the stairs two at a time to make it back to his space.

Amanda cleaned up after dinner, conflicting emotions swirling inside her. It was only a matter of time before Parker started asking the hard questions about why he couldn’t go see Lyn in person.

Drying her hands on a crumpled dish towel, Amanda retreated to her own room to do some research about talking to your children about difficult topics such as puberty, romance, and, most crushing of all, adoption.

~~~^*^*^~~~

“Well, I think we’ve got the chapters outlined well enough. How did your research go by the way? Did you find the original case about space being international waters?” asked Lyn. She was laying on her stomach with her laptop propped up on some pillows and a lap desk as she scribbled and wrote in her notebook. Their conversation had been going on for three hours after dinner, and both of them were obviously starting to droop. Still, neither wanted to be the first to relent and hang up first.

“Yeah, I did actually. It’s actually kind of a combination between two or three different laws if I’m reading everything correctly. One of them is the Outer Space Treaty, the Accords, and the Moon Treaty. There are a bunch of laws and rules to go along with it which I have in the shared document I shared with you,” replied Parker as he stifled a yawn.

“Oh, perfect! I love it when nerds to their work,” teased Lyn as she made a goofy face at the camera.

“Ha ha. I could say the same to you. How much did you have written about pirates in your math class when you were supposed to be paying attention? I know because I checked the document and saw you typing away as soon as we left English,” Parker said, flipping the tables on Lyn.

“Oh! You hush! I passed my test with flying colors, didn’t I?” she shot back. Parker chuckled and nodded.

“Yeah. Like you said. Nerd.”

Lyn rolled her eyes and vanished from view as she stretched before popping back up to the camera. They stared at one another for a minute in silence, each holding the other’s gaze, before bashfully glancing away simultaneously.

It took another minute before Lyn looked back at Parker and cleared her throat, obviously preparing to ask a question. “Um… Parker? Do you… mind if I ask you something?”

The tiredness banished instantly from Parker’s eyes as the question sank in. This was something he usually asked his mom, and she usually replied with “you can ask me anything,” but only now did Parker realize how nerve wracking that question could actually be.

He bit his lip, feeling himself bristle and those precious walls he had slowly lowered begin to raise once more.

“Um… yeah? I mean, I guess. What’s up?” asked Parker. In the back of his mind, a flashback of Selina’s conversation ran right through him. Was Lyn about to ask him if he liked her? Was she going to ask if they wanted to be boyfriend girlfriend only to immediately turn it on him? Was she going to ask about his condition? Would she ask why he wasn’t ever at school? What if she wanted to meet up to write together in person or study together?

His nerves started to make him squirm and sweat. Parker honestly didn’t think it was that noticeable until he saw Lyn’s curious expression.

“You okay?” she asked. “I mean that’s not my question, but you’re acting a bit weird all of a sudden. You can say no, ya goof.”

Parker squirmed again and tried to shake his nerves away.

“Um… no. I mean, I’m okay. It’s just that the question could mean anything, so I’m just preparing for whatever,” mumbled Parker. Lyn eyed him again but shrugged and continued.

“Well, you can always say no or abstain from answering. I hope you know that,” stated Lyn in her usual matter-of-fact tone. “Anyway, I wanted to ask you something.”

Parker held his breath as Lyn eyed the camera and watched Parker’s reaction to her question.

“Are you the author of ‘Welcome to My Little Life’?”

The question threw him so off guard that his expression was obviously a dead giveaway. Relief. Curiosity. Excitement. Nervousness.

“Um… yeah. I mean, of course. It’s just a bit of a side project and everything, but I like posting there. It’s a good space for exposure and everything,” Parker replied. The tenseness in his body dissipated and the young teen could once again relax with his friend.

The look on Lyn’s face mirrored his own as she propped herself up closer to the camera, saying, “I knew it! I mean, I thought it was you, but didn’t want to make things weird or bring it up. Dude! I totally follow you for your story about your Dungeons and Dragons character. Tal’el, right?”

Parker had never really met someone who knew about his blog. He’d chatted with his followers like Karl, Zel, and so many others, but never someone he was already friends with.

“No kidding?” asked Parker in a bit of disbelief. “You like it?”

“Dude! Of course! And you’ve liked some of my stuff too. I posted some pictures and you liked them. That’s why I wanted to ask – to see if you knew,” said Lyn. “I’m Lyn_see Photography.”

Parker felt his eyes go wide as he remembered the exact posts Lyn was talking about. The perspectives Lyn took was from the edge of a television stand that showed the depth and vastness of the living room while keeping everything in focus.

“That’s you? Dude! No way! I thought the style looked like yours, but I didn’t know that was you!”

The two of them laughed at the strange coincidence.

“How’d you even manage that perspective?” asked Parker.

“HDR mode. Basically had to take two identical pictures and blend them together,” said Lyn. “I could show you one of these days on my camera. I also had to blend it in Procreate, but it didn’t require a lot of editing which was nice.”

“Yeah, I’d like that a lot,” agreed Parker, the last of his tension leaving his body.

“Definitely,” grinned Lyn. “If you don’t mind my follow-up question, but you looked tense earlier? What was that all about?”

Parker squirmed again and tried to shrug it off as he contemplated his reply. Bringing it up might pick at the scab that was over the sensitive spot surrounding his whole interaction with Selina and not telling her more about his condition. He didn’t want to lose Lyn as a friend and he wanted to keep his condition close to his chest, but he also wanted to trust Lyn. She was someone who he cared about.

Selina was right about one thing – you tell people you trust.

And Parker felt like he could trust Lyn; at least, he thought he could trust her enough to talk about it a little.

“Well, I mean… I thought you were going to ask about my… condition,” said Parker. He braced himself for whatever Lyn was going to say next and hoped he hadn’t accidentally ruined something good.

“Oh, that makes sense. I mean, I’m sure it’s a sensitive thing for you and everything,” replied Lyn. “Did… someone try and pry?”

Parker felt himself nodding before he even realized he was responding.

“I see. Well, I’m sorry that happened. I mean, I can’t say that I’m not curious, but I wouldn’t go asking questions unless you wanted to talk about something about it. I hope you’d be comfortable enough to talk about it with me if you needed to,” stated Lyn.

Parker couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

Was it that easy?

An announcement of curiosity accompanied with an invitation to refuse.

The smile that spread onto Parker’s face stretched from ear to ear as another wave of genuine relief filled him. This was exactly what he hoped Selina would say, and now he was hearing it from Lyn – someone who he cared about very much despite knowing her for such a short time.

“I… yeah… I would feel comfortable with that… you know… if I needed to talk about it and everything,” muttered Parker. Was it warm in the room? Or was it just him? There was a moment where the two of them made eye-contact through the lens of the camera and, for a moment, Parker could have sworn she was right there looking at him.

His entire body felt tingly and excited. It felt like electricity was filling his body, pouring itself over him and making his heart race and pound.

Another minute passed before Lyn cleared her throat and continued their conversation.

“Good. Now, you have to tell me more about your story and where it’s going to go. I swear your updates are so chaotic that it drives me crazy. What’s going to happen with that princess? And is he going to cure the plague going through the community? I have to know!”

Parker laughed and shook his head.

“You know I can’t spoil anything,” Parker teased.

“Oh! Spoil sport! You’re either saying it because you’re cruel and want to torture me or because you don’t know the answer!” accused Lyn, obviously playing in a tone that made Parker’s heart race.

The two of them continued talking for the next hour where, reluctantly, Parker revealed a few details of his story to appease Lyn before the two of them signed off simultaneously, accidentally falling asleep for a moment before startling awake and saying goodnight. Parker crawled into his bed, face hurting from smiling so much, and drifting off to a peaceful sleep.

~~~~~^*^*^*^*^~~~~~

Continue

Previous

Beginning

[jaabane]

Little Red Book Part 1 - Neil Perry x fem! OC

Introduction: This is my first post so be aware of that! Also english is not my first lenguage so we'll see how this goes.

Warnings: my english, in this story Welton has an all girls school aswell that is in a seperate building next to the boys school.

Summary: "You never talk anything but nonsense! Nobody ever does." The story of how Neil Perry fell in love with that beautiful girl that always had her face buried in this little red book.

Monday Morning

Another year at Hellton. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Neil just sat down in his seat in Mr. Keatings class with the rest of the dead poets. The lesson went by normal. That is, if you can define Mr. Keatings classes as normal.

Towards the end of the lesson, Mr. Keating had a rather interesting announcement to make.

"Now boys, I have exciting news for you. For the duration of this semester, I want all of you to research about any writer. Could be an author, or a poet." he said. The boys began to whisper about the upcoming project. Neil could already hear some of his classmates arguing about the people they wanted to research about. His attention however, was full on Mr. Keating.

"Settle down boys, I'm not finished yet." he stated. "Every one of you will get a partner. This is a two person project, which you will have to present at the end of the semester." The chatter began again, this time louder than before.

"Sir can we decide who our partner is?" Charlie asked loudly as he had to talk over the whole class.

That question seemed to make all of the boys go quiet. All eyes now on Mr. Keating again.

"As I was about to say. You are not the only class that is going to do this project. I will partner every one of you up with a girl from my class at the Welton all girls academy. You will meet your partner next lesson on wednesday." he said and with that, the belll rang signaling for the boys to go to their next class.

Time skip, the dead poets are hanging out outside

"Which of these girls do you think will be our partners?" Charlie asked, eyeing the girls that were also outside right now.

That's when Neil first noticed her. She was sitting on a blanket. Her back leaning against a tree. She was wearing a pair of dark blue flared jeans and a maroon coloured hoodie. Her fluffy looking brunette hair that only reached her shoulders hung slightly in her face. Which was buried in a little red book that she was reading.

"Neil? You there?" Todd asked. He noticed his best freind zoning out.

"You looking at a pretty girl Mr. Perry?" Charlie teased. "What? No. Why would you think that?" Neil asked, his attention now full on his friends.

They all just laughed and the conversation changed course again.

However, as Neil turned his head to look at the pretty girl again, he noticed she was gone.

The following day he did not see the girl anywhere. Or maybe he did, he could not see much of her face because of the book.

Damn that little red book. He thought to himself as he met up with his friends wednesday morning to go to their english class.

Somehow they found themselves in the lunch hall, waiting for Mr. Keating to come back with their partners.

pov switch

I was nervous. What if my partner didn't like me? As my head filled itself with more and more doubts my friend Becca put her hand on my shoulder.

"Relax, it's not like you never saw a boy before." she said.

"No, but what if he doesn't like me and then I'm stuck with him for an entire semester?" I said, Worry clearly visible in my eyes.

However, we did not have time to finish our conversation as Mr. Keating opened the door to the lunch hall and we bagan to enter. I purposefully hid in the back of the crowd as Mr. Keating started talking.

"Let's start, shall we? Now, I will read the names of the partners out loud. If you hear your name being called, please proceed to come forward to meet your partner. I will first read the boys name and then the girls. When you have found your partner, please choose one of the tables here to start with the project, I want everyone to decide on a writer they want to present today." he said cheerfully.

Pair after Pair found themselves and went ahead to sit at one of the many tables in the lunch hall. Becca was still standing next to me when I was called.

"Next we have, Mr. Neil Perry and Ms. Stefanie Krammer. Please come forward." Mr. Keating said as Becca shoved me a little to get me going.

Neil could not believe his eyes, before him stood the girl from monday afternoon.

"Hi" he said a little breathless

"Hi" she answered with a shy smile.

"You want to go sit down?" he asked.

"Yeah sure." she answered as the two began to walk to a table.

As they sat down, Neil noticed Charlie looking at him and wiggle his eyebrows. Neil just grinned and focused on the girl next to him. Now he could finally look at her face properly, her dark blue eyes were even more beautiful than he imagined. They even looked like a mixture of dark blue and grey. He could not stop looking at them.

Stefanie, the name suits her, he thought.

She began to unpack her things from her bag. That's when he noticed the little red book as she placed it on the table.

"The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde." he read out loud.

"That's what you were reading on monday." he said before he could stop himself.

"You saw me on monday?" she said, looking surprised. When I saw Neil with his friends on monday I didn't think he noticed me at all.

"Yeah, you were reading by a tree right?" he asked.

"Yeah I was." I answered.

"That book is very little." Neil said as he looked at it again.

"That doesn't stop it from having a lot of content." I said.

"Really? How's that?" he asked, intruiged.

"Well firstly it would be because it is actually a play, not an ordinary book." I said, confidently telling him about my favourite book.

At that point, Neil was even more intruiged. She liked reading plays, perfect.

"And do you only read plays or do you also act in them?" he asked.

"Oh god no. Acting is not for me, I almost had a panic attack when I had to sing a solo in choir in 9th grade." I told him.

He laughed. "Really? I love acting, I was in a play last year. Even got the main part." he said.

"That's so cool, but I can Imagine what your parents must have thought of that. They don't send their kids here with little expectations for them." I said, looking down.

Neil nodded.

"Let's do our presentation about Oscar Wilde. Maybe I could act as him at the end of the semester hm?" he said, trying to change te topic back to our project.

I laughed.

"I'm sure Mr. Keating would love that." I said, laughing a little.

At that point, Mr. Keating stopped by our desk to ask us if we decided on a writer yet.

"Yes, we would like to present about Oscar Wilde, Captain." Neil said.

"Good choice. Stefanie, I wouldn't expect anything else." he said with a knowing smile as he walked away.

Thats Part 1 guys! Hope you liked it!

I'm not sure when the next part is coming since I am in the middle of my exam season but I estimate it's next week or the week after.

Thanks for reading and have a great day!

[s-rosie]

RANT POST (it’s really long but I need advice and I also just needed to get this off my mind so enjoy lol).

So there’s this guy that I was talking about in my last post at my school and I need to rant about him because he’s so cute istggghggg. (For the sake of his privacy, I’m calling him B) so for some backstory, I’m new to this school this year and I he’s been at this school for at least a year and has friends and stuff. Our story starts on the first day of school he sat behind me in Spanish and my Spanish teacher said “now we don’t want B to touch Rosie’s hair” just as an example and he said “damn, she really thinks I can pull” (or sum like that idk) and I’m like ok? But then the next day I started catching feelings because he kept making eye contact and smirking at me and just looking at me in class. Then when we were about to go outside everyone was looking towards the lockers and I was looking tears the door and he was in front of me and he turned with a straight face then made eye contact with me and smiled and I almost dieddddd. After that we had Spanish again (this is the next day) and I needed to get something from my bag behind me and his desk was blocking me so he tilted his desk back and smiled at me so I could get my folder out. Then I was getting my seat to bring out to the hallway for an assembly and I was talking to my friends and he just smirked at me and his eyes followed me the whole way. And in line to walk away from the assembly me and my friends didn’t know what to do so we just waited for everyone else to go in front of us and he passes us and gave me thet iconic smirk eye contact thingy again. Again at Spanish he moved his desk back again even though there was more room to get my folder and just did the patented “B smirk 5000”. (Oh also how many aura points did I loose because I asked the teacher if I could go to the restroom before he got there and I sprinted to my locker to put on perfume, lipgloss, and take some mints and he didn’t even get to class for like 10 minutes)

Fast foward to science class I was sitting down and he sits in front of me to my right and he was talking to his friend right in front of me and i was staring at him (I’m just a girl) and he made eye contact with me and smiled and my hearttttt. And in the hallway he made a small comment to someone else like “oh I didn’t go with my parents because I went to church” and I’m catholic so when I tell you my heart exploded I mean it. Then we were writing something in groups and each group had to pick one person to represent that group so we can make one paper as a class and me and him were each a group representative. And we were reading the papers and when he was done and I was still reading he was just staring at me with a smile and just joking around with me. Then I was writing the final paper the teacher said sun like “does it naturally flow or you gonna make it flow” and j said “I’m making it flow” and everyone bursted out laughing especially B and I was like saying shut up but flirty yk (this is pretty much the first time we ever talked but the chemistry was off the charts fr) And then the other boys started taking the joke a bit too far and mind you these were his friends for at least a year and he’s kinda popular and he looked at them and said “guys stop it just let her write” while smirking at me. THIS MAN, WHO IVE PRETTY MUCH NEVER TALKED TO, JUST DEFENDED ME IN FRONT OF HIS FRIENDS THAT HES KNOWN FOR AT LEAST A YEAR. AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH And the other boys were like “sorry” and stuff even tho it was just a joke it wasn’t a big deal and I was laughing. And then I read the paper and he was looking over at me and he said “you made it flow” and we went back and fourth joking like that for a few minutes (and he was blushing a little but which was just so cute) and he looked at my paper, which was in cursive and then said “so now can you write that in English?” (Playfully, bc he can’t read cursive) and we were laughing and stuff and he said the paper I made was good. Then I wrote down the homework on a sheet of paper and he walked back towards me (which is out of his way because we were leaving and I’m farther away from the door then he is) and he said “you’re making that flow” and I was just giggling bc ahahahaha. Then today in history i was running to get to class so I was sweating and fanning myself with my folder and he was just watching me like i looked like a mess but he just kept looking over at me.

Then fast forward to Spanish i got my folder again and I had all the room i could even need to get my folder and he still moved his desk and I looked at him and smiled this time to say thank you and he started to say you’re welcome but he cut out half way thru and kinda giggled and blushed (ITS SO DAMN CUTE WHEN GUYS DO THIS) and the teacher called on him for attendance and I was still grabbing my folder and he forgot what to say so I started laughing and he just looked down at me and said “i didn’t make that flow” and I started laughing more. Then we had to do a interview thingy in our Spanish lesson and after he went i leaned over to whisper to him “you made that flow” and he started laughing again. And our Spanish teacher brought up what she said the first day In class about B touching my hair (she just used us as an example because we were right next to her) and istg she’s the captain of our ship at this point. And we kept making eye contact and smiling. Okay I think that’s it. So sorry for the rant but I really just needed to get all of that off my chest and I need to know (if you red this far which I doubt) if he likes me bc I think he does but I’m also extremely delulu. Also what should I do like I don’t want to mess this up like I did in the past (we don’t talk about that) but I just need some help.

[roanofarcc]

PROJECT SUNSHINE CHAPTER SIXTY ONE → PERM MAINTENANCE

summary: steve harrington x oc || read on Ao3

when another product of Hawkins National Laboratory escaped a long-survived nightmare alongside her sister, she crashed into one unsuspecting teenage boy and dragged him deeper into the dark mysteries that made up their hometown.

word count. 3.6k || masterlist || ocs moodboard

warnings: cannon typical violence, child abuse, horror, gore, and depictions of mental illness. parts of this story were written pre-season 4 release. cannon divergence.

previous chapter ← → next chapter

tag list: @sattlersquarry, @leptitlu, @two-sides-samecoin

Steve skillfully balanced a bottle of black polish between his knees as he painted Robin’s right hand. She had her head turned, looking over her shoulder and into the Willow’s kitchen where Tamera was busy rolling strands of Nancy’s hair into curlers. Since Robin was unable to gesture with her right hand, she had doubled the intensity of her movements with her left hand, annoyingly so. Steve nearly missed up every time she got too excited but managed to keep the pain off of her skin and only on the nail. 

“And then he gave me a C. No English teacher has ever given me a C before,” Robin complained. “My paper was good, I know it was, but I swear he has it out for me!” 

Tamera tugged a tad too hard on Nancy’s hair, causing her to wince and squeeze her hands together tighter on her lap. She was hesitant to let Tamera freshen up her perm, considering she’d only ever been to the same hairdresser since she was little, which was pretty common in a town that only had one salon. But after some light begging from Tamera, Nancy agreed but looked to regret it each time Tamera pulled on her hair before pinning the roller tightly against her skull. 

To Tamera’s credit, she was learning. Instead of college, she set her sights on a cosmetology license. She needed people to practice on before she enrolled in beauty school. Steve flat-out refused. While he liked Tamera, or more so liked that Robin liked Tamera, he did not trust anyone around his head of hair with scissors unless it was his aunt, who also worked at the only hair salon in Hawkins. 

“Did you do something to make him have it out for you?” Tamera asked. 

“No! Of course not. I am a delight to have in class!” A quiet laugh sounded from the floor in front of Steve, where Sunshine sat with her freshly trimmed hair and newly painted nails. Robin furrowed her brows at her. “What?” 

“You called him sexist for only talking about male authors in class,” Sunshine replied, debunking Robin’s previous statement. The senior-year English teacher was a little bit of an asshole, from what he recalled, but he never did pay too much attention. 

With a huff, Robin said, “Yeah, well, am I wrong?” Sunshine shook her head and resumed writing in her journal. Steve almost stopped himself from peering down at what she was writing about because her journals were the one thing she kept close to her heart. Sunshine only ever showed him or anyone else when she felt like she needed to, but from the glance he took, he realized she was writing a list, not one of her stories. He finished Robin’s last finger before leaning down and wrapping his arms around her shoulders before resting his chin on the top of her head. 

“Whatcha’ doing?” he asked. 

Sunshine didn’t answer right away but instead finished the last word in her list, ‘toothbrush.’ “Making a list.”

“A list for what? I thought your parents got groceries before they left?”

Sunshine’s parents left for a four-day weekend trip that morning. Mr. Torres had a conference up in Michigan and they decided to use it as a romantic getaway. The couple hadn’t gone anywhere since Sunshine returned and she convinced them that a break from Hawkins would do them good. That left her alone until Monday morning, which meant Steve didn’t have to spend time at his home with his parents; he got to relish in the company of his girlfriend undisturbed. 

She turned her body, forcing him to let go and sink back into the couch. She looked a little conflicted, her gaze bouncing between him and Robin in the living room and Tamera and Nancy in the kitchen. “It’s for a little trip,” she said after a beat. 

Steve furrowed his brows. “We’re going on a trip?” She hadn’t mentioned anything about it before. 

Biting down on her lip, Sunshine slowly shook her head. “No. I’m going on a trip. A little one. Tomorrow…” 

“What?” He was taken aback. They had planned to spend the whole weekend together, watching movies he borrowed from work. 

“I talked to Kali last night, the one who Luke and Leia lived with before they came back to Hawkins with El. She’s another kid from the Lab and she agreed to meet with me in Indy, but she said I had to go alone,” Sunshine explained, but Steve was still confused. 

Nancy, with her head full of rollers, stood up from the kitchen stool and crossed her arms over her chest. She wore a look bordering between concern and confusion, probably similar to how Steve looked. “Kali? The one who’s in a gang? Why does she want you to go alone? Why do you need to meet with her in the first place? Is something going on? Is something happening again?” 

“No, no, no,” Sunshine said quickly, attempting to ease some of the concern that swelled in the home. “I’ve been remembering things from the Lab that I blocked out for a long time. But now they’re coming back to me and it’s really confusing. Kali has started to be in a lot of them lately and I think maybe it’s a sign. Maybe they’re coming back to me for a reason and maybe she remembers more than I do. I’m going to see if she can give me answers.”

Ever since Starcourt when Sunshine pushed herself way too far, she’d mentioned, briefly, some of the memories that started flooding back to her. Steve never pushed too hard; the memories she’d forgotten about seemed to all have plenty of reason to be scrubbed from her brain. Why they started coming back to her, no one knew, but Steve could tell it was bothering her. The gaps in certain memories left her awake at night; he could tell by the bags under her eyes that she tried to cover up or when she’d sneak out of bed when he stayed over to get some fresh air. And as much as he wanted to help her, there wasn’t much he could do but listen when she wanted to talk about it. 

“Do you think she’ll have the answers you’re looking for?” Robin asked. She and Tamera weren’t fully filled in on everything that happened inside the Lab, but Steve and Sunshine pieced together some of it for them. They were smart, though, and Steve had a feeling they had put more of it together on their own. 

Sunshine shrugged. “I have no idea,” she sighed. “But she was in a lot of those memories so maybe she can fill in some of the pieces that I’m missing and make sense of some of it. Maybe then I won’t feel as crazy.” She laughed at herself, but it was hollow. Steve frowned and squeezed her shoulder. She smiled back at him and leaned into his touch before she continued. “Kali doesn’t trust people. She hardly trusts me, which is why she asked me to go alone. If I don’t, there’s no chance she’ll talk to me. But I’ll only be gone for a day. And maybe I can convince her to come back to Hawkins with me. I can show her that she doesn’t have to stay on the run; she can find a home here that the rest of us did.” 

Tamera asked, “Are her parents here?”

“No. She’s not from Hawkins, according to the twins. Dr. Brenner and Miller took her from somewhere else.” At the mention of Calum’s father, Tamera visibly winced. She had lost her best friend when he moved to Indy with his mother. The two had one final argument after Starcourt that pushed Tamera over the edge, and she hadn’t spoken to him since. She was still hurt, it was written all over her face at the slightest mention of him or anything related to him. Steve figured Calum was in the same boat; the two of them had been inseparable since he could remember. 

Nancy opened her mouth, hesitating for a moment before she said, “Do you think she’d want to find a place here? I mean after everything and without a real family in town-” 

Underneath Steve’s fingers, he felt Sunshine’s shoulder tense. “I’m her family.” 

“No, I know,” Nancy added quickly. “Hawkins isn’t everyone’s ideal town to live in, that’s all. I just don’t want you to get hurt if she doesn’t want to come back here with you.” 

It was interesting, Steve thought, the way Nancy spoke to Sunshine. He wasn’t sure what it was exactly, but Nancy always seemed more careful around Sunshine than anyone else. There was an undeniable softness that smoothed out her usual harder tone and a look on her face that he hadn’t seen Nancy take with anyone else. Steve didn’t remember what she had been like around Barb, but he had a feeling it was similar, and Nancy had lost her. 

With a sigh, Sunshine toyed with the pendant of her necklace. “It’s her choice if she wants to. I can’t make her. I just…I want her to know she has a place to go and people who care.” 

There was no question that Sunshine could handle herself, but he felt like it was his responsibility to worry about her. She must’ve sensed his unease and looked at him, golden eyes soft. “I’ll only be gone for a day. I’ll be on the first bus back to Hawkins on Saturday morning,” she said. “But I have to do this.” And he didn’t plan on stopping her. If she thought talking to her estranged sister would get her the answers she’d been looking for, then she had to do it. But that didn’t mean Steve wasn’t going to worry; that was sort of his job and one he was very good at. 

The rest of the afternoon at Tamera’s passed in a gentle blur. Nancy’s hair was restored to its curled form. Robin’s nails were painted black and her hair was cut shorter, Tamera got more practice, and Sunshine finished her list for her first trip out of Hawkins alone. 

They all bid each other goodbye as six o’clock rolled around and Steve had to leave for the late shift at Family Video. Nancy and Robin headed home while Steve lingered in front of the Willow’s house with Sunshine. She picked up her bike from the grass and brushed off some of the dirt from the handlebars. She and Robin had ridden to Tamera’s after school together, which they did often since the weather had grown warmer. 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drop you off?” Steve asked, twirling his keys around his finger. 

“You’ll be late to work.” 

Steve playfully rolled his eyes. “I think Keith can manage a couple of minutes without me.” 

Rolling her bike onto the sidewalk, she stopped in front of him. It was funny, no matter how many times she looked at him like that, with her head tilted upwards to meet his gaze, cheeks dusted pink, and lips pulled in a small smile, his heart raced. 

“I’ll be okay,” she said. “You’ll be over after work, right?” 

“Absolutely, sweetheart.” Sunshine smiled a little wider as she leaned in for him to meet her halfway. The kiss was short and sweet but left him feeling as giddy as always. Nearly everything she did left him feeling like some kid with a crush. Even before their first official date, after the Starcourt disaster, Steve was positive Sunshine was the person for him. But getting to date her, to be with her without the unspoken thing hanging between them, was better than he could have imagined. Dating his best friend was blissful. He was sure no one understood him as much as Sunshine did. She eased his worries and pulled him out of his spirals of self-doubt that sometimes hit him hard.

“I was going to tell you about Kali and me visiting her,” she said, pulling away from him slightly. “I wasn’t just going to leave.” 

“I know.” Because he trusted her, maybe what some people would consider too much, but it was different between them. Once you go through more than one life-or-death situation with someone, you tend to hold more trust, especially when they have never let you down. 

With that, Sunshine took off down the road on her bike, bidding him one last goodbye. He climbed into his car and headed to work. The Family Video store wasn’t the most ideal job, but it was enough for the time being. He wouldn’t be in Hawkins forever, working minimum wage jobs, but he’d stay as long as Sunshine needed to because as he had known since he was a little boy, he’d follow her anywhere. 

→←

The trailer park was quiet that evening. The air smelled like spring, budding flowers, and incoming rain. Sunshine parked her bike in front of the Mayfield’s trailer, beside Max’s, and skipped up the front steps with a bag of greasy burgers and fries from the little dinner she passed on the way. After a few knocks, the door swung open to reveal Max. 

She was skinnier, her face lacking freckles from the sunshine, and her blue eyes were a little sadder than they used to be. Max had been having a hard time since Starcourt, since Billy died, and she felt it was all her fault. No matter how often Sunshine reminded her that it wasn’t, Max didn’t believe her. In the wake of Billy’s death, his dad left Max’s mom, which forced them to sell their home on Cherry Street and move into the town’s trailer park. Her mom was struggling too, working twice as hard to support them and coping with alcohol when she was off shift. It was a shitty situation, but Sunshine refused to let Max isolate herself. It didn’t matter how hard she tried to push Sunshine away, she stayed pestering the redhead with dinner and small talk to take her mind off of her troubles for at least a little while. If Max hated it, she didn’t say so. Instead, Max always let Sunshine inside her house and ate the food she brought. If she was lucky, Max would talk about school or make small talk. 

“I didn’t think you were coming tonight,” Max said, stepping aside to let Sunshine in. She always seemed to stand or sit with her arms crossed, curling into herself any chance she got. Beer cans littered the coffee table and Sunshine had made the mistake of looking at them a little too long. Max huffed before she picked them up, shoving them into the trash. “She had a long day at work. The assholes at her job-” She started to defend her mom, but Sunshine stopped her. 

“Hey,” she said, softly. “I know. I just want to make sure you’re okay, that’s all.” 

Max kicked a couple of discarded jackets into a pile on the floor, pushing them aside to clear a path to the kitchen. “I’m fine.” She wasn’t. She knew she wasn’t and she knew that Sunshine knew that too. 

“I’m sorry I was later than usual,” Sunshine said, switching gears as she sat down the paper bag of food on the counter. “We went to Tamera’s after school.”

“Why didn’t Steve drop you off?” Max asked as she dug into the food. 

“He had to work. I didn’t want him to be late.” Max hummed in response. 

They ate in silence. After they were finished, Sunshine cleaned up their wrappers and helped Max clean up the rest of the kitchen, so that her mom would have one less thing to stress over in the morning when she woke up. Once they were done, Max sat back at the table and rubbed her head. “You don’t have to do this, you know?” she said, quietly. 

“I know,” Sunshine replied. “But since you’re not with the boys as often, this is the only way I get to see you. And this may come as a surprise, but I like hanging out with you.” She really did. Max was like her other younger sister, and she missed the spunky girl she met two years ago. She was still somewhere inside of Max, underneath the rubble of trouble and tragedy. Healing was complicated; Sunshine of all people knew that, and she didn’t expect Max to wake up one morning and revert to the same kid she had once been. Max wouldn’t tell anyone she was struggling; she’d do it all alone and shut everyone else out. Sunshine promised she’d be there though; she’d never give up on any of the kids.

Max rolled her eyes, but there was a small hint of a smile. “I guess I like hanging out with you, sometimes.” Sunshine laughed, musing the hair on top of Max’s head. 

"Oh! I forgot I brought you something.” She dug around in her backpack until she found a slightly wrinkled pink envelope covered in stickers of seashells, starfish, and other oceanic items. “El sent your letter to my house and asked me to give it to you. She misplaced your new address.”

Max’s whole demeanor changed. For a brief moment, the child-like giddiness filled her bright eyes as she snatched the letter from Sunshine’s hand and peeled it open. Inside was a one-paged letter on El’s notebook paper. Her letter had come the day before and El had told Sunshine all about her spring break plans with Mike, who was visiting California. El also started to plan Sunshine’s summer visit, listing all of the fun activities she wanted them to do together. Sunshine couldn’t wait to see the ocean for the first time and spend some much-needed quality time with her siblings. They had visited Hawkins during Christmas break, but a few days wasn’t enough time to catch up.

While Max read her letter, Sunshine moved to the sink to refill her glass of water. As the faucet ran, she gazed out at the gravel road between the trailers. The quiet night started to settle in but was interrupted by loud music spilling from a van that pulled into the lot beside the trailer across from Max’s. The music cut and out from the van jumped a kid who Sunshine went to school with, Eddie Munson. 

Eddie was loud and boisterous. He was also the leader of the party’s new Dungeons and Dragons club. Mike and Dustin admired the teen. Eddie was far from being considered “cool” in popular high school terms, but he didn’t seem to care about what people thought of him, and to the two boys who had a history of being bullied for being themselves, it was probably nice to see someone so similar to them not give into the pressure of acting like everyone else. 

Sunshine wasn’t too sure what to make of Eddie; they hadn’t interacted much, aside from brief hellos when she passed the boys at their lunch table or biked home with them after their meetings. 

“Ugh,” Max groaned, appearing beside Sunshine at the window. “He always comes home like that, probably waking up half of the old people who live here.” 

“The boys like him.” 

“Because they all like the same nerdy game,” Max said. “At least Lucas found a different hobby.” Lucas still participated in the club, but most of his focus was on basketball. Sunshine didn’t know much about the sport, despite having been to all of Lucas’s games that season, but according to Steve, he was really good and would no doubt be team captain come his senior year. Unfortunately, Sunshine’s trip to see Kali meant she’d miss his final game of the season, the championship. But she wished him luck before they left school that afternoon. He seemed to be genuinely enjoying himself, branching out, and finding more friends to connect with. Sunshine was proud of him, as was the rest of the kids for trying to stay afloat in the new world of high school. It was brand new for her too, and after nearly an entire year she still wasn’t sure if she had the hang of it. 

“Speaking of Lucas-” Sunshine began but was swiftly cut off by a sharp glare from Max; the effect of El’s letter disappeared. 

“Don’t.” 

“I was just going to ask if you were going to his game tomorrow.”

Lucas was a sensitive topic for Max. They had been on and off dating, as much as fourteen-year-olds could, all summer. After last summer, Max “officially” broke it off with him. Lucas gave Max the space she needed to cope, while still trying to be one of her best friends. But Max was hurting, bad, and pushed him out each time he tried to get in. He was still just a kid too, reeling from what had happened, so he backed off. Lucas carried his emotions outside his body while Max kept them buried within. He liked Max and would probably wait forever for her for a relationship or just a friendship. Sunshine had a feeling Max knew that and she was scared of it. Love at their age sounded silly and fruitless, but it was different after what they’d been through. Lucas was one of Max’s best friends; they needed each other now more than ever, but Max was having a hard time accepting that Lucas was trying to prove it to her.

Max shrugged lamely. “It’s not like he cares,” she muttered. 

“I think he cares a lot more than you think.” 

[aliellnea]

The loving theory- Kageyama Tobio

Heey :), I'm new to the whole writing thing but i decided to give it a chance with some fic ideas i had. I plan on making this one a multiple chapter story depending on how it goes. I will also say beforehand that this story will eventually contain smut. Some will be explicit and some won't. Also, this contains manga spoilers regarding kageyamas family and stuff so if you mind spoilers please don't read this :)

Kageyama enemies to lovers (supposedly)

Content warning: angst, mention of a family members death (that's probably it for now, aside from my very watpad plot and probably my bad english)

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

The start of the school year meant fresh starts for most, yet for you, it marked the daunting prospect of navigating a new environment where familiarity was limited. Coming from Kitagawa Daiichi, the likelihood of encountering any former classmates at Karasuno seemed slim as it was located on the outside of the city. Although many of your peers enrolled at Aobajohsai, your heart remained steadfast in the desire to follow in your late father's footsteps by attending Karasuno. Thus, on the very first day of high school first year, you found herself seated in solitude during lunchtime, surrounded by your classmates engrossed in their own groups.

Looking down at your cold food you decided to go for a walk and explore the grounds you´d have to go through for the next 3 years. you weren´t that brave to go to the second- and third-years floor so you mostly walked around the school’s first and ground floor. Once outside, you started to hear people talking and a ball hitting something, and being the noisy person you were, you got closer until you reached a passageway leading to a gymnasium. That's when you saw a boy with orange hair and another with silver hair playing with a volleyball. Making sure they couldn’t see you, you watched them toss the ball around practicing bumps. It was obvious the orange haired one was a newbie since all the balls he hit where going anywhere except in the direction of the silver haired one. Unexpectedly one specific toss ended going your way making both boys aware of your presence.

“Hey, can you pass that?” said the orange haired boy.

“Hinata be more respectful” scolded the other one “Sorry, don’t mind him. Could you please pass us the ball?” he said looking at you.

“Sure, are you guys from the volleyball team?” you asked passing the ball to Hinata.

“Yes” he answered loudly “Well, not yet but I will be”

“I hope you aren’t the libero then” you tried to crack a joke.

“Oh, you know how to play?” said silver hair

“I just know the basics, I used to be a manager in my old school” answered the girl smiling awkwardly

“Really!?” screamed the boy “What school did you go to?”

“Hm.. Kitagawa daiichi” you said in a low tone watching the boy’s face drop a little.

“The king’s school? But I didn’t see you at the match the last tournament” you cringed a little over the nickname and the mood dropped visibly.

“Yeah, by that time I already quit managing for the team” you responded quietly

“Shoyo, I think it’s time for you to go back to class or you’ll be late. I’m Sugawara koushi by the way, nice to meet you” he said grabbing the younger boys shoulders, and you thanked him mentally for changing the subject.

“Oh sorry, I’m (Y/N) nice to meet you senpai” you said noticing the boys shoe color.

“I’m Hinata Shoyo, please be our manager” he introduced himself while being dragged by the older boy.

 “I’ll think about it” you almost to herself since the boys already left.

Then you started thinking about how you didn’t expect to hear that nickname ever again. You obviously knew who Hinata was referring to since you still talked to most of theteammates you had back at Kitagawa daiichi and knew what happened back in the tournament Hinata talked about. You hurried and took out your phone and messaged Kunimi to ask him about your new acquaintance.

-Hey Aki, do you happen to know a short guy with orange hair? You played against him last year probably-

After hitting send you quickly went back to class, not without the feeling that something was off.

Not long after the initial encounter with the two boys, you found yourself repeatedly bumping into them in the hallways and even at the exact spot where youfirst met. You often joined them during their practice sessions, and it became somewhat of a routine for the week.

"I never asked, but why are you practicing during your free period? Don't you have official club hours at the gymnasium?" you inquired, sipping from a carton of milk you had purchased from the vending machine.

"Well, technically, I'm not in the club," Hinata responded. "Didn't you hear about the incident with the subdirector?"

"Oh my god, that was you?" youexclaimed, laughing. "I heard about it from some girls in my class. But that still doesn't explain why you're practicing out here."

"It's sort of like a penalty. Tomorrow, they have to play against the other two first-years who joined the club. If they win, they get to stay in," Suga explained.

"Wait, they? Who else has to play?"

“Another first year that was involved on the incident”

"The king, Kageyama. Do you know him? He also went to your school" Hinata interjected with a sour expression.

At the mention of that name, you paused for a moment, your breath catching in your throat. Your expression must have shifted noticeably, as the senpai's next words were, "Hey, are you alright? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Yes, sorry, I have to go now," the girl hurriedly responded, quickly making her exit, leaving the two boys behind.

It couldn't be, you thought. He shouldn't be at this school. Why would he? After treating you the way he did, how could he choose the high school you had told him so many times you would attend?

Lost in your thoughts, you collided with a solid figure, nearly stumbling backward. Thankfully, you were caught just in time by the person you bumped into. Looking up, you was about to apologize until you recognized the boy standing in front of you.

"You."

Kageyama hadn't anticipated having to confront her so soon. Well, truth be told, he didn't often think things through. But in that moment, he wished he had at least considered what he might say if they ran into each other.

“Hi” he said like he was out of breath “I-”

"Keep it," spat the girl before he could say anything else. She turned around sharply, her footsteps echoing as she strode away, leaving Kageyama standing there, speechless, with a weighty silence enveloping the space between them.

He couldn’t do much except return to class and contemplate what to say in case he happened to see you again. However, he didn’t expect to be questioned by Hinata about you.

"How do you know her?" he scowled.

"Suga senpai and I met her the first day while practicing. She's been coming to keep us company ever since. She's super nice and knows how to play volleyball. It's too bad she doesn’t want to be part of the club," responded Hinata. "Do you know her?"

"Of course I know her, dumbass. We went to the same school, and she managed our club," he retorted.

"Weren't you friends? Why are you making such an ugly face? You’re gonna end up like that permanently if you don’t stop," said the boy, completely serious.

"Shut up, you idiot. How come you’ve been practicing all week and you are shittier than before?" countered the raven-haired boy

"You shut up. This is all your fault. Why did you even come to this school?" he said defensively.

"It's none of your business. If you’re not going to shut up, you can practice alone. Not like you’re going to get any better," said the raven-haired boy before storming off.

Kageyama never envisioned himself attending Karasuno in the first place. His initial preference was clearly Shiratorizawa, but without the recommendation letter and failing all the entrance exams by a wide margin, it remained an unattainable dream. Aoba Johsai was also out of the question; he couldn’t fathom playing alongside his former teammates after the fallout from their last match in elementary school, not to mention the potential blow to his ego from encountering his old senpais. However, upon hearing of Coach Ukai's return, he concluded that Karasuno was his best option, even if it meant potentially seeing her every day.

Truth be told, he caught sight of her on the very first day of the opening ceremony. Amidst the sea of unfamiliar faces, he couldn’t help but seek her out. She appeared paler and thinner than the last time he saw her, back when he uttered those regrettable words, instructing you to stay away from him. Following that incident, she left the club, and he didn’t get a hold on her even at graduation. He regretted those words the moment they left his lips, but it was too late; she departed while tears streamed down her face.

He was too ashamed to talk to (Y/N), so during the first week, he did everything in his power to avoid her. Choosing longer routes to ensure they wouldn't cross paths, delaying his departure from home until he was certain she hadn't left hers – all because they were neighbors. He couldn't fathom how the two of them never crossed paths during the holidays before the start of school. At one point, he even wondered if her family had moved after her father's passing. Throughout the summer, his sister scolded him for not reaching out to her, but he honestly didn't know what to say. Although he attended the funeral with his family, he left before she could spot him, convinced he didn't deserve her forgiveness.

He couldn't bring himself to approach her and ask for forgiveness. After losing his grandfather, he felt lost, and truth be told, he still did. Yet, amidst his constant mood changes, she remained by his side, a fact he was too blind to acknowledge. All the efforts (Y/N) made to distract him from his loss, and he lacked the courage to express how sorry he was for her own. He only knew of her because she kept in contact with his sister, and he was somewhat relieved knowing she had someone like his sister to provide comfort.

Why did everything have to be this difficult? He couldn’t help but think.

[musings-of-a-rose]

Jump Then Fall - Part 2

Pairing: Javier Peña x ofc “Vanessa Morales”

Word Count: 5100+

Rating: M for mature - 18+ only!

Warnings: Please be aware there is an 11 year age gap. Mature themes and some canon mentioned. Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story.

Notes: This one doesn’t have any Javier, but I promise the rest of them will! When the story starts, Vanessa is 19 and Javier is 30.

**Shoutout to @vanemando15 for listening and bouncing ideas from me, for holding my hand, and for her guidance with being a Latina herself. Without her, this wouldn’t even be a thing, just another line on my WIP spreadsheet. And also to my husband, who is also Latino and answered any questions I had (along with taking me to Colombia back in 2014). And to @wyn-n-tonic, who listened to my rambles and insecurities about writing an oc in first person.

**If you want to be added to the taglist, join here or let me know!

❤If you enjoy the fic, please consider giving me a warm beverage! (It is not required in any way!)

Jump Then Fall Masterlist

General Masterlist

Javier Peña Masterlist

<<Part 1<<

The drive back to Corpus Christi was uneventful, although my thoughts were anything but. Memories of the night before kept flashing through my mind, the way he touched me, made me feel, the way his nose just barely skirted across my skin, the way he nipped at my chin. The care he gave me and how he took his time when he found out I was inexperienced, rather than running away. There was much more to Javier Peña than what was on the surface, one quick glance into his deep brown eyes was enough to convince me of that. Which made me sad, considering I’d never see him again. 

I blink and I’m in the driveway, putting the car into park. I have no memory of the drive here, which is slightly terrifying. But before I can think any more on that, my mother comes running out of the house, taking my face in her hands and saying a quick prayer in Spanish to bless my safe return before kissing me on both cheeks. It’s then she looks over my shoulder and realizes no one else is in the car with me.

“Did you drive alone, mija?”

Time to lie. “No. I dropped off some people just past Laredo.”

Her face relaxes. “Oh good. I’m glad you made friends.” She claps her hands together. “Come! Tell us all about your trip while you help me with dinner.”

I tell my parents all about my time in Mexico, how I not only taught English but helped to build the church and the school house, how I made some friends and how others got called to another mission.

“The university wants to talk to me tomorrow and talk about the summer. To see if they should continue the program.”

My dad smiles at me. “We are so proud of you, mi niña. Setting such a good example to others.”

“Speaking of good examples…Miguel is still single.”

“Mami!” I blush, heat rising up my cheeks at the mention of Miguel. She had been trying to get us together for years, but neither of us had feelings beyond friendship. 

She points at me. “Miguel es un buen muchacho [Miguel is a good boy]. When will you see that and go on a date with him? I want nietos already.”

I groan. “Mami! I’m not ready for kids right now.”

She looks at me, waving her hand. “No entiendo Vanessa [I don’t understand] . By your age, I was already engaged to your father.”

—-

My life settled back into its normal monotonous routine: class, job, home, sleep. Repeat. I never realized exactly how boring my life was until I had spent the summer in Mexico. 

More like, until I spent the night with Javier.

I wonder where he is now. Is he still on his business trip? It’s been just over a month since we had our…meet. I got the feeling he was going to be gone for a while and that he either wouldn’t or couldn’t talk about it. Maybe he’s a spy? I chuckle at the thought. Wherever he is, I hope he’s doing well. 

Based on my report, the university decides to repeat the program the following summer with new teachers and asks me to give a little seminar on what I did, what to expect, what to pack, and everything that I think they should know. I have to admit, it was nerve wracking getting up in front of everyone. I felt nauseous all day thinking about getting on that stage and talking. But everyone was interested and asked great questions, immediately putting me at ease. My professors thanked me for everything and said they’d be in touch with me about possibly returning the next summer. I’d never really thought about going back, but the thought is definitely tempting. 

And maybe I can stop in Laredo on the way back. No, Vanessa. It was a one time thing. You’re probably making up the connection you felt. There’s no way he felt anything for you. 

—-

A couple months later, my mom calls me down to the kitchen where she’s gathering up her purse, a paper list in her hand. 

“Do you need anything from the store, mija?” 

“I don’t think so. Just….maybe no pork? I can’t stand the smell of it now.”

My mom chuckles. “Mexico really changed you. Carnitas used to be your favorite.”

Even just the thought of pork, which I hadn’t had the entire time I was in Mexico, made my stomach churn. 

“I guess I just got used to not eating it a few times a week.”

She nods and then looks around. Spotting no one, she leans in close to me and nearly whispers. “Do you need more…lady things?”

I furrow my eyebrows together. What is she - oh. My mom was always sort of embarrassed by periods, and so, if she had to talk about it, she would always whisper, afraid anyone would hear her talk about something that is experienced by arguably more than half the planet. 

“Uh, no. I don’t think so?”

“You haven’t gotten any more since Mexico. Do you still have some?”

“Uh…let me check.”

I go upstairs and into my bathroom, kneeling to open the under the sink cabinet. I shuffle some things around and grab the boxes of pads I had put back when I returned from Mexico. There’s a bunch left, almost as if I hadn’t used any since I got back.

Had I used any since I got back?

I close the doors and head back to my mom, telling her I was still good with pads. She looks slightly relieved at not having to traverse the feminine hygiene isle, giving me a small smile and squeezing my shoulder. 

“When I get back, I’ll need help with dinner.”

I don’t mind helping with dinner, as I do like to eat, but I wish she’d stop asking me about Miguel. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that Miguel was now dating Maria - they just weren’t telling anyone yet. I wasn’t supposed to know either, but I went into the church storeroom one day to grab a few extra Bibles and I saw them making out. Which immediately made me think of Javier, the place between my thighs tingling at the mere thought of his name. I wish I knew more about him- no, Vanessa. Don’t go down that path any more.

“...you invite Miguel over after church?”

“Hhmm?” I hadn’t been listening to anything my mom had been saying.

“Miguel. Why don’t we invite him to our after church lunch?”

“Uh..no. Miguel won’t want to do that.”

She looks at me out of the corner of her eye as she continues chopping.. “And why not? You are a beautiful girl, smart. You would have good babies-”

“He’s already with Maria, mom.”

She stops chopping and looks at me. “Maria?”

“Delgado.”

“Ay. That girl is bad news.”

“Miguel seems to like her.”

“Ah, well..men can be blind.”

—-

“We’re going to be late, mija! Hurry up!”

“Just a minute!” I yell, desperately trying to zip up my church dress. 

I wear this one often but it had been a few weeks and for some reason, the zipper won’t budge. I let out a puff of air in frustration, yanking the dress back down my body. Now that the dress is off my body, I look at the zipper, seeing no fabric stuck in it. I try to zip it closed and it glides easily up. 

“Oh sure. Now you want to zip.”

I toss it on my bed, turning back towards my closet when I catch sight of myself in the mirror. I stand there in my bra and underwear, looking at my body. Did I…did I gain weight? I haven’t changed my eating. If anything, I’ve been eating less. I turn to the side, my hands gliding over the skin on my lower stomach. I can see a small pooch there and I grunt in confusion. How did I gain weight if I’ve been avoiding so much food? 

“Vanessa!”

I poke my head out of my door. “I’m not feeling well, mom. I’m going to stay home.”

She pauses. “You shouldn’t miss church.”

“I don’t want to get everyone sick.”

She pauses again and I swear I can hear her nod. “Ok. We will be back after lunch. I’ll bring you back some soup.”

“Thanks, mom.”

I hear the door downstairs close, the car pulling out of the driveway and driving off down the road. I wait about 15 minutes before I pull on whatever clothes I can find that fit me, grabbing my wallet and keys before getting in my car. I have to get some stomach medicine or something. I head to the pharmacy, thankful that the people I know who work here are all at church. I don’t want anyone to see me buying medicine to stop me throwing up my insides. I scan the rows of bottles for the ones for upset stomach. I grab one, flipping the box over for directions, my lips moving with the words as I read them.

“.....as long as symptoms persist. If symptoms worsen or do not improve after 3 days, call your doctor right away. Do not use if pregnant or breastfeeding. May cause interactions with certain medications…”

I freeze, my eyes rewinding the words I just read.

“Do not use if pregnant or breastfeeding….pregnant…pregnant…”

My brain kicks into high gear, and I stare at the bottle, not really seeing it. The boxes of pads that were sitting unused from my time in Mexico still sit unused under my sink. My aversion to foods I normally loved. The fact I can only keep about half of my food down. The weight gain despite this. My lower belly…my hand instinctively comes up to my belly, placing my hand there for a moment as panic starts to set in.

Could I be…no. Javier used a condom. He showed me as he did it. That’s supposed to prevent…prevent…

I grip the bottle of medicine in my hand, knuckles going white. Slowly, I turn and head out of the isle, looking for the one with the women’s products. I turn it down, grateful that it’s empty. I stand in front of the pads, pretending I’m looking for some while my eyes scan down the rows of pregnancy tests. It’s all overwhelming and I can feel the panic rising rapidly in my body. I quickly grab a box at random, hiding it under my arm as I make my way up to the register. No one is in line and I don’t know the cashier. I place the bottle of medicine and the pregnancy test on the counter, looking around nervously for anyone I may know. If the cashier thought anything of my purchase, they didn’t show it, scanning the items and quickly placing them in a bag as I handed them cash. 

When I get home, I run upstairs, locking my bathroom door behind me just in case my parents come back early. My parents. What am I going to say to them? One step at a time, Vanessa. You may just have some weird stomach thing. I take a breath and open the bag, setting the bottle down on the counter and pulling out the small box of pregnancy tests. I throw up once more before opening the box and pulling out the directions, reading them several times through tear blurred vision. I somehow manage to pee on the stick, setting it aside and looking at my watch to check the time. 

This has got to be the slowest 3 minutes of my life. 

When I check my watch and it’s finally time, I take a deep breath before…taking another deep breath. And then I flip the test over. 2 bright pink lines stare up at me and I hold the stick against the directions comparing them. Double lines means pregnant. Pregnant. I’m pregnant. 

I drop the stick, sinking down to the floor as I put my back against the wall. How am I pregnant? I only ever had sex with Javier and that was only one time. And he wore one of those condoms. Aren’t they supposed to stop people from having babies? Wait, if I’ve been pregnant since then, I’m like 3 months along. I should be making a doctor’s appointment. What doctor can I go to that doesn’t know my parents? 

My parents.

There’s no way I’m going to be able to hide a baby from them. How do I explain it? Hey mom, dad. I met a stranger in Laredo and we had sex and now I’m pregnant even though he wore a condom. 

What do I do?

—--

I spent the next 2 weeks trying to figure out what I was going to do. I wasn’t sure how my parents would react, considering they did want grandkids. But there’s no way they’re going to approve of this baby. In case of the worst, I start gathering up little things here and there - a few random pieces of clothes, the toiletry kit I had brought to Mexico, some little trinkets. I managed to sneak them down to my car, leaving them in the trunk in case I had to leave quickly. I really hope it didn’t come to that. But when I could no longer zip up my favorite pair of pants, I knew I had to tell them. 

We all sit down to dinner, mom passing out plates and filling my papá’s plate with a large portion of food. Once everyone is settled, and grace is said, I clear my throat, my mom glancing up at me as she picks up her fork. 

“I uh…I have to tell you something.”

My papá spears some food on his fork and takes a bite, chewing as he turns his head towards me, a questioning look on his face. 

“Did that Miguel finally get rid of Maria?” My mom asks.

“What? No. I don’t know? That’s not-”

“I knew that girl was trouble. Always showing off in choir. You know, her mom said she got some fancy scholarship to a music school, but here she is, still here. I wonder why-”

“Mami. I need to say something.”

“-why she’s still here? She probably stayed for that boy. Maybe it’s good-”

“MAMI!”

“-good that Miguel didn’t ask Vanessa out. Maybe he’s no good-”

“I’m pregnant.”

Silence. You could hear the grass growing outside it’s so quiet. My parents stare at me, the fork halfway to my papá’s open mouth. 

“What?” My mom asks.

I hesitate a moment. “I’m…I’m pregnant.”

“That’s not funny, Vanessa. Don’t you joke about something like this. You know I don’t like the humor you young people think is funny.”

I look down at my plate before looking back at her. “I’m not…I’m not joking.”

Silence again. No movement. But I can feel the disappointment, the anger building in them.

“I’m about…3 months? I think?”

Still silence.

“I only just found out.” I cast my eyes down, looking at my plate of untouched food and realize that half of it I actually want to eat, while the other half makes me want to run to the bathroom. 

“Salga [Get out].” He says it quietly, but his tone has layers of anger, hurt, and disappointment all trying to bubble out.

I look up, surprised that it’s my papi saying it. 

“What?”

“Salga. Yo no te quiero en esta casa. [Get out. You are no longer welcome in this house].”

“But papi-”

“Don’t! Largarte!  Now.”

I glance at my mom, who has tears in her eyes. She gives me a look of utter disgust and looks away from me, showing her support of her husband’s decision. 

I stand, pushing the chair away from the table. “Can I just grab some thing-”

“You should have thought of that before you opened yourself up for a man. What were you thinking? You are no longer a daughter of mine!”

My papi’s words slice through me like butter, stabbing me so hard that tears start to fall before I even know they’re there. I walk to the front door, pausing only to put on my shoes before getting in my car and driving about a block before I sit at the stop sign. I knew deep down this may be their reaction, which is why I started packing my trunk. But it still hurts. I need my parents right now, but…

Where do I go?

I turn left, driving a few blocks to knock on my friend Ximena’s door. But instead of my friend, her mom comes to the door, a stern look on her face as she shoos me away, telling me I’m not welcome in their home. I’m met with the same reaction at the next 3 places I go and I realize that my parents must have called everyone we knew to tell them not to let me in, that I had done something so terrible. I doubt they told anyone the truth, that their only child was unwed, single, and pregnant, but our church community is so strong, they apparently didn’t need more than my parent’s word to kick me out. 

I stop at a little diner across town, a burger actually sounding really good to me. As I eat, I think about what to do next. It’s getting late, and while I could rent a hotel room, I won’t have enough money to do that for very long. I have no friends left in Corpus Christi, that much is clear. So…where do I go? As I eat and let the tears fall, I think about that night, about Javier. And I realize, there’s only one place left for me to go, even if it’s just until I get on my feet. I finish eating, leaving money on the table for the bill and tip, and head out to my car. It’s a 4 hour drive there, which I can’t do in the dead of night. I drive to the highway and find the closest motel, getting a room for the night that I can cry myself to sleep in.

—----

The next day, I start the drive to Laredo, oddly calm considering the situation. I can do this next step - get to Laredo. I’ll ask around for Javier and see if anyone knows where he lives. I don’t expect anything from him, and I’ll tell him as much. But I would appreciate a place to stay while I figure out where to go next. 

After a few bathroom stops, I finally make it to Laredo, finding the bar I had met Javier in that night. It’s not open for a few hours, so I take that time to have some lunch and a short nap in my car, waking to the sound of the main door closing. I walk up to it and push it open, walking inside. The bartender is cleaning down the bar, getting things set up for the rush in a few hours.

“Excuse me?”

He turns to me, wiping out the glass in his hand.  “Yes, ma’am?”

“I’m looking for a Javier Peña? He’s about this tall-”

The bartender chuckles. “I know Javier. Haven’t seen him in a bit though.”

“Oh.”

The bartender seems to sense my despair and he sets the now clean glass down. “Look, his dad lives on a farm just outside of town. I’ll give you the address and maybe he can tell you where Javier is.” He scribbles down an address on a napkin and hands it to me, giving me a small smile. 

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

—-

I pull up to the Peña farm about 40 minutes later, after the bartender had given me some general directions. It’s not a large farm but it’s not small either, and I think I can see a river in the far distance. I park in front of the farmhouse and get out, smoothing out my dress before walking to the front door and knocking. At first, no one answers. But then I hear clanging coming from the barn around back, so I head in that direction, poking my head just inside the barn door.

“Excuse me?”

The man in the barn stops hammering and turns quickly to look at me, hammer slightly raised in defense. He’s older, a nearly all white mustache with matching hair poking out from under a white cowboy hat, glasses poised on the edge of his nose. His eyes remind me of Javier’s and I realize this must be his dad. 

“You must have taken a wrong turn, señorita. Town is several miles that way.” He points and I give him a small smile.

“Actually…are you señor Peña?”

He studies me for a moment. “Depends. Which Peña are you looking for?”

“Javier’s papá?”

He looks at me, trying to figure out why I would be here talking to him. “He’s not here.”

“Not back from his business trip?”

He shakes his head. “No.”

“Any idea when he will be back?

“No. Probably not anytime soon.”

I nod, my face falling slightly. 

“Can I help you with anything?”

“I uh…I’m not sure. Maybe this was a stupid idea.”

I turn to leave, willing the tears that had been building in my eyes to not fall.

“Wait.”

I stop, looking up at the older Peña. His eyes glance down towards my belly, where I had unconsciously placed my hand. A look of realization washes over him and his kind eyes meet mine, an odd expression in them.

“How old are you?”

“N..nineteen.”

He swears, glancing up at the ceiling before back at me, a hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck. “He’s the father?”

I nod, looking down at the dirt covered floor.

“You’re sure?”

I blus, not able to meet his gaze. “He’s the only one I..I’ve ever…”

He puts his hand up. “Ok ok. I understand.” He takes a deep breath and lets it out. “Are you hungry?”

That was not what I was expecting. “Oh I…I don’t expect anything.”

He smiles and it reaches his eyes, instantly calming me. “You’re not an inconvenience, you’re the mother of my only grandchild. Come.”

He waves his hand for me to follow him, placing the hammer down on his workbench before we head to the main house. It’s a 2 story farm house, sparsley decorated with furniture that he most likely got when Javier was born. It’s worn but well loved and I instantly feel a sense of safety, despite never having been here. He leads me into the kitchen and has me sit at the little island bar while he makes me a simple sandwich, asking me what I’m not eating and what is safe. He slides me a glass or orange juice, saying it was fresh squeezed and good for the vitamin c. I take it, thanking him while I try not to inhale the food, not having eaten in several hours. Chucho clears his throat and I swallow the last bite of my sandwich, looking at him as I take a sip of the juice.

“Did you tell him?”

I set the glass down, spinning it counterclockwise for a moment. “No. I only found out a couple of weeks ago.”

He nods. “How far along?”

“Around 3 and a half months?”

“Have you been to a doctor?”

I shake my head. “Like I said, I only found out a couple weeks ago and my parents kicked me out when they found out so…”

He swears under his breath. “We need to get you to a doctor.”

“I don’t have the money for that. I don’t have the money for anything. Oh God, I don’t have money! How am I going to…to…”

Tears start flowing out of nowhere, uncontrollable as I sob at this man’s table. Chucho comes to stand next to me, turning my body to hug me as he lets me sob into his shirt. He makes calming sounds, telling me everything will be fine. That I’m not alone. 

“But…but I am alone, Chucho.”

“Not anymore. You have me.”

I look up at him, blinking away the last of my tears. “Oh no, I couldn’t-”

“What did I say earlier? You’re the mother of my only grandchild. Can I assume you have nowhere to stay?”

“I’m ok in my car.”

He gives me a stern look. “That won’t do. You’ll take one of the rooms here.”

I shake my head, starting to wave him off. “Oh, I couldn’t-”

“You can. What you can’t do is live in your car pregnant and with a baby.”

He feels fatherly, warm and safe and I can feel the tears coming on again so I nod, accepting the help that I desperately need. “Th-thank you. I promise I’ll earn my keep.”

He shakes his head. “There’s no need-”

“Please. Let me at least clean and cook? My mami taught me how and I can make really good food.”

“It’s not necessary-”

“Please let me do this?”

He studies me for several long moments. “Alright. But when you’re near your time, you’re going to rest, understand?”

I nod, smiling slightly. “Thank you, Chucho.” I take another sip of my juice while he takes a swig of his beer, the sound of the ticking clock loud in the silence of the house.

“You said Javier won’t be back anytime soon. Can I ask what he does?”

“He didn’t tell you?”

I blush. “Oh, well we uh..didn’t really…he didn’t-”

“Ay I don’t need to know,” he chuckles. “But Javier is in Colombia, working hard to take down Pablo Escobar.”

I spit out my juice, apologizing profusely as I try to dry it up with a paper towel. “He’s what?”

“Yeah. DEA. So when I said it won’t be anytime soon…”

“Was he happy to go?”

“He definitely saw it as a promotion, a chance to go and prove himself.”

I knew about Pablo Escobar of course, but to hear that my Javier- no, not my Javier. Just Javier - was trying to catch him? That is impressive.

“He doesn’t call often, but next time he does, you can tell him about the baby-”

“No!”

Chucho looks at me, straightening himself up and squaring his shoulders. “No?”

I take a breath. “I know I only spent a….little time with Javier, but he seems like the guy to try and be honorable?” Chucho shrugs and nods. “Then I can’t tell him.”

“Why?”

“Because if I do, he’ll come home. And then he will resent us. I can take it, but the baby? I can’t do that to my child. He will resent us both for bringing him home from this huge career move. We are only 2 people. The entire world needs him. Plus, what if....what if he doesn't come back?”

Chucho’s eyes are hard as he processes what I’ve said. “You’re right about Javi, but I still think you should tell him. He deserves to know.”

“I’ll tell him. I will. When he catches Escobar.”

“That could be years, Vanessa.”

I nod. “I know. And I take full responsibility.”

“That you are.”

—----

Chucho holds true to his word, inviting me to live in his home. I cook and clean for him and, even though he grumbles about it, I see him coming to dinner on time more and more, being able to rest after a long day on the farm as opposed to cleaning. As we eat, he tells me more about Javier, his childhood and the man he grew to become. What I don’t tell Chucho is that with every story, even the bad ones, I fall a little harder for his son.

He also works out a deal with a doctor in town so I can get OB care until I can get insurance. One day, he comes home from church with a crib and several boxes of baby stuff, saying the women in his church donated their old baby things to me (he’d told them I was his new live in maid, a young girl who was recently single. Not an exact lie, but they all assumed the man either left me or I was widowed, which made them open their hearts a little more to me). 

He made me stop working so hard around 33 weeks, saying I should’ve stopped sooner. He insists I rest and relax, feed into my nesting instinct. He had cleaned out one of the other rooms to make nursery, putting the crib in there but pulling out an old bassinet from the attic, telling me it was Javier’s. 

Chucho is there holding my hand when I go into labor and is there when my son is born. Javier Alexander Morales Peña came screaming into the world, just as every bit as stubborn as his dad, according to Chucho anyway. Tears well up in his eyes when he holds Alex for the first time, telling him how handsome and strong he is. That he’s truly a Peña man. 

When Alex turns 2, Chucho demands that I go back to school, as I was only a year away from getting my degree in education. He watches Alex at night while I go to school and, a year later, I graduate with my degree, landing a job that coming school year at Laredo Elementary, which gives Alex, who will be 4 soon after, a slot in their pre-k program. 

As Alex grows, he asks about his dad. I decided to tell him the truth - that his dad is a hero, trying to catch a very bad man in another country and that he can’t come back until he does. That the world won’t be safe until the bad man is caught. Alex accepts this and makes up stories about his dad, flying around with a cape and fighting off bad guys to give us all a better world. 

One summer afternoon a couple years later, Alex had just gone off to camp for a couple of weeks. He’s 6 now and “a big boy”, so he begged to go off to a science camp with his friends for a few weeks. It was hard to not have him around, but I knew he was having a great time. I’m elbow deep in sink water, washing the pans from breakfast when the phone rings. Chucho picks it up upstairs after a couple rings and when he doesn’t call for me, I know it’s for him. I finish with the last pan, setting it off to side, sliding my rubber gloves off and reaching for the drying towel. I pick up the pan, drying it off when I hear Chucho coming downstairs. He walks into the kitchen and stands there for a moment watching me.

“Chucho? You ok?”

“I uh…I’m going to the airport.”

“Chucho…Are you finally taking a vacation?”

He gives me a small smile before it leaves his face. “Actually, I’m going to pick up Javier.”

—----

>>Part 3>>

General Taglist:

@frankie-catfish-morales @chaoticgeminate @janebby @astoryisaloveaffair @balekanemohafe @greeneyedblondie44 @hoeforthefictional @marvelousmermaid @hauntedmama @giuliarogers-blog @icanbeyourjedi @wretchedmo @sunnshineeexoxo @livingmydreams13 @adventures-of-a-noodle @sara-alonso @theewokingdead @punkerthanpascal @giggly-otter @f0rever15elf @phandoz @dirtytissuebox @gallowsjoker @lovesbiggerthanpride @sarahmilesbendrix @booksarekindaneat @mrsudontknowme @swol-bear @charlispersonallyhell @xoxabs88xox @amneris21 @gooddaykate @alindeluce @avengers-fixation @paintballkid711 @harriedandharassed   @ladykatakuri @marrianena  @practicalghost @withakindheartx @batdarkladyvampir @justanotherkpopstanlol   @mermaidxatxheart @alexxavicry @ichigodjarin @justreblogginfics

[hearts401]

"do NOT ask me about ggy or patient 46 because i WILL begin ranting"

You see, I am incapable of ever listening to anyone, ever, so I must ask about GGY and patient 46

I have absolutely no knowledge of modern FNaF lore; I have not read any of the books (something I plan to fix whenever my bank account stops bleeding) so you're gonna have to do some heavy lifting here and tell me all about it

Ooh boy rubs my hands together

okay so im gonna start with ggy because i love Tony and Ellis. (i dont have the book in front of me tho so this isnt gonna be 100% every detail)

GGY is about a kid named Tony Becker who has an assignment in his 6th grade english class. He has to write a fictional mystery with side plots that tie into the main plot. He chooses to do this with his two friends. They use pen names whenever they do their english projects together (sobs and wails and cries into my hands) and Tony picked Tarbell, and his friends were Boots and Dr. Rabbit (or Rab for short).

Tony wants to start working on their project, but Boots and Rab want to go to the fazcade. Tony gives in when rab backs up boots (tony sees boots as immature and worries about outgrowing him and hanging out more with rab) tony wanders around the fazcade trying to find inspo, and then notices someone named GGY with top scores on some of the games. when he asks other people about it, they tell him the scores are seemingly impossible, but when he asks a staff member, he's told they haven't been hacked.

At some point he makes an online blog to ask about it and a girl he'd talked to in the fazcade asks him to meet her. she tells him that she thinks this is more than just high scores, and that he should stay out of it.

Oh also freddy keeps watching tony and at some point begins following him.

Tony finds out that GGY has a hacked party pass (or it was like a fun pass or smth) that gives them access to much more than it should, working almost like a security card.

Tony then finds out one of the school counselors has gone missing, and he sneaks into the librarian's office to learn more about it. he finds out two other counselors have also gone missing, all of them having gone to the pizzaplex before disappearing.

tony writes his paper and gives it to Rab and Boots to look over, and when they come back the next day, they've changed it into a fantasy story. And GGY is labled as the wizard's favorite apprentice, rather than someone getting high scores on arcade games.

tony is upset with rab and boots and begins calling htem by their actual names.

Rab is Greg, Boots is Ellis.

tony is also in trouble for sneaking into the librarian's office and using her laptop, so he has detention shelving books.

Greg come and offers to take him to the pizzaplex when he's done, and it's kind of implied he killed him there.

again i have bad memory and i dont have the book in front of my so anyone can feel free to correct anythign i got wrong or missed

now onto patient 46 who's from the therapy tapes in sb.

this'll be undeniably easier because i can just listen to the tapes. patient 46 is also not confirmed to be gregory, its just a theory, so im just gonna call them 46.

its important to note that 46 does not speak.

everything here is things implied to have been nonverbally communicated to the therapist.

Tape 2:

It starts with the therapist talking about how the day is nice, but 46 doesnt like the light, so the therapist draws the blinds. she then comments on how 46 is not talking to her today, and says that she gets reviews from patients, and when 46 doesn't let her help them, she gets bad reviews. she tells 46 she could get in trouble and get put in timeout, which 46 finds funny.

Tape 4:

New therapist is here, she asks if 46 is going to talk to her, and they dont reply. she asks whats wrong, and they gesture to the flowers. the therapist comments on them being particularly fragrant and moves them. The therapist then comments on 46 staring at something, and says they're "amazingly alert." she says shed like to have 46 tell her about themself, but 46 does not. the therapist instead chooses to look through their notes. she also comments on the chair not fitting 46, but its not specified if its too big or too small. she then asks if 46 is bothered by a new therapist, but 46 doesnt seem surprised or confused at all. the therapist says shes surprised by whats in 46's notes. she says they have a "rebellious side" and a knack for computers, and explains the word phenom to them. the tape ends with her asking if 46 considers themself a hacker

tape 6:

new therapise again! she tells 46 shes already read their files and knows what theyve worked on. 46 asks for a candy, and she gives one to them, taking one for herself as well. she says she wants to start with 46's parents, and claims it was tragic but she doesnt think 46 has processed it emotionally. she says they wrote it like they had read it off of a book. (her exact words are they wrote an objective rather than a subjective narrative, but 46 didnt know what that meant.) she says 46 spends a lot of time alone and is good at self-dialogue, which she explains is "asking urself questions and getting answers" she tells them to try asking themself how they feel about what happened to them. she tells them to let themself be upset about it so they can let it go.

tape 8:

same therapist as 6! she asks 46 if theyve thought about what they talked about. 46 had told them their past had made them sad and scared. the therapist asks if they had written down exactly what made them feel that way. she then says she works with many people who respond to tragedy differently. she asks 46 if their fantasies would be different had this tragedy not happened to them.

Tape 13:

new therapist again! she says when shes getting to know a client, she likes to find out abt their hobbies. when she doesnt get a reply, she asks if they like sports. 46 tells her they like to watch sports, but not play them. and that they like to stay inside. the therapist then reluctantly tells 46 that their previous therapists have gone missing. except one who was found dead, and they said her body looked to be mangled by machinery. the therapist also comments that 46 doesn't look concerned about it. she jokes about watching her back, which 46 finds funny.

Tape 14:

same therapist as 13. she asks if 46 knows about the pizzaplex, and says the technicians who work there know them. theyve seen what they think is 46 on the security cameras. they say 46 was accused of hacking their systems. the therapist says that the hacks are causing tons of problems, but that there's no solid proof it was 46, and 46 finds it funny that the techs are having issues. she says she finds it weird that 46 would spend time in such a busy, crowded place despite their loner attitude. she asks if its the electronics that 46 likes. she also says theyve designed programs that talk to them and repeat phrases. she says it asks them questions and prompts for responses, like their own little therapist. she said at first she had thought they were talking to themself, but it seems more like they were talking to someone else. she asks who it was.

Tape 15:

same therapist as 13+14. she starts with asking if 46 wants to do an ink blot test. she shows them an image, and 46 asks to hold it. 46 says it reminds them of a mask. the therapist asks if 46 likes the idea of being disguised, and how they make you invisible. she says being invisible lets you get away with anything, and asks 46 if they like that idea. she then moves on to something else, telling 46 that it seems theyve been talking to someone else. she says the techs think that its someone trying to lure 46 away, or manipulate them. the therapist moves to where she can see 46's eyes, and says she got something different from the communications. she accuses 46 of manipulating someone, rather than being manipulated. she says they were recorded on the security cameras with someone else. she says that it looks like the person theyre with has rabbit ears, which 46 finds amusing.

Tape 16:

Same therapist as 13+14+15. she says shes gotten another message from the pizzaplex that says that theres a glitch in the system that makes the animatronics more eerie than entertaining. she says the glitch spread system-wide and infected all the machines. she also says it was traced back to 46. she says the glitch broadcasted a dangerous message. she also says that when the techs were trying to fix it, the source shifted. she says that the glitch changed from a glitch and became a set of sub-routines that were made to do exactly what the glitch was doing. (which basically means it stopped just being a glitch and became part of the system?? i think?? idk shit abt computers bruh) when 46 does not reply, she presses, saying she is on their side and wont tell anyone what is told to her during the session and that the techs have no proof it was 46, so theyre not in trouble. when 46 doesnt reply still, she brings up their past. 46 refuses to look at her, but she continues. she says it doesnt matter if they look at the floor, because nothing they told her about their parents was true. she says they had great parents, and a great childhood. she asks 46 why they lied, and tells them to look at her. she then says she understands why 46 would be upset about the confrontation, and says they can come back to this another day. the last line she says is "you're shaking your head like that's not going to happen."

UHM YEAH IM NORMAL ABOUT THEM LOL.

i have a lot of thoughts on both of these parts and i personally believe 46 is Gregory. but if i dumped all my thoughts we'd be here all day so have this long ass explanation instead

[pimento-playing-hopscotch]

15 questions, 15 mutuals

Thanks for the tag, @rachelsversion1 and @reyestrandd 🫶 💝

Are you named after anyone? Possibly? Once when I was little, I swear I remember my mom saying there was a girl in her high school class who name Kerry was spelled like mine, in addition to it being the name of a county in Ireland. But in later years, she doesn't remember this and insists she chose the name off the county in Ireland.

When was the last time your cried? Ehh recently... either Monday night or the time before that when I closed at work- our team trainer wouldn't stop harping at me to vacuum the underside of the case (when we were already behind) and she kept saying our manager would be furious if we didn't, and I was just getting so upset going home cause like I have actually closed with our manager more than she has, and if we are behind like we were that night, he doesn't care about that. Also it's under a panel so no one would notice! (as you can see, I've let it go lol).

Do you have kids? Nope!

What sport do you play/have played? When I was in middle school, I played softball, and was mostly terrible (I think in three years, I literally hit the ball once lol). But for some reason I was able to tell if a pitch sucked and so I got on base quite a bit from getting a "walk" from not swinging at a bad pitch.

Do you use sarcasm? Sometimes, but I have a real trouble with understanding it in person, because I come from a very sarcastic family with someone who is sarcastic 90% of the time, but if you react to what she is saying like she is being sarcastic, then she will pretend to throw a huge fit, and if you act like the fit isn't genuine then boy are you in trouble... so I tend to be embarrassingly bad at understanding sarcasm.

What's the thing you first notice about people? What they're wearing almost always. Like if I see women walk by at work I always want to yell out, "that sweatshirt is so cute! Where did you get that!"

What's your eye color? Brown

Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings for sure; scary movies are for looking up the plot on wikipedia lol

Any talents? No but I wish... I walk very softly and people always think I'm sneaking up on them but that doesn't really seem to count lol

Where were you born? A city in Wisconsin, but different from the one where I live now

What are your hobbies? Writing is the biggest; writing and watching shows and thinking about what I want to write about lol.

Do you have any pets? Yes, my tortie kitty Pumpkin, or Punkin - she is a sass bucket 🥰

How tall are you? 5'2"

Favorite subject in school? English or History; anything reading or writing or non-math related.

Dream job? THE dream would be a murder she wrote type thing; living alone in a cottage and writing my silly stories and getting paid for it. But having a job where I could go in the morning, leave at a good time in the afternoon, be able to sit down during the work day and just complete a project and move on to the next one without having to talk to customers, and make enough money doing that; that honestly is a dream worth dreaming at this point. No pressure tagging: @dreamingofmickeywaffles @manicpixiedreamb0y @elevatehearts @ellena-asg @poppy-in-the-woods @baubeautyandthegeek @hydesjackiespuddinpop @paperstorm @tailoredshirt @draculakells @firstprince-history-huh @kiloskywalker @not-roman-and-not-a-god @carlos-in-glasses @love-ivygrace

[helloiamadrawer]

Class 1A Boys + music they listen to (PART 2)

There's always that ONE person who is like a parent when it comes to his whole class and music making sure it's "school appropriate" and that would be no other than the class rep, Iida.

Has a playlist for literally his life routine lol (study, relaxing, outings, running in the rain in his retro raincoat 😂,etc.). I feel like he would listen to like 90's music, classic rock (his fav artist is Foo Fighters for sure) he doesn't mind playing his stuff every now and then but he's busy most of the time preparing for class. nerd lol.

May sound shocking but he likes SOME rap but it's all old school rap/hip-hop like Biggie, Ice T, Usher, MC Hammer but he only listens to it outside of U.A though because he doesn't want "taint his image of class rep". He tried trying new school rap and..let's say he'll just stay where he is (he almost got hurt BUT that's for another story!)

The only classmate that is so chill with almost every genre of music is Sero. Even songs in different languages and more exotic genres like nudisco, jazzfunk, and french house (which are his favorites, cause it's a rarity he cherishes). He would play japanese funk while he drives down the road JUST for the ✨aesthetic✨ (future au idea). Dua Lipa, Kali Uchis, Doja Cat, Rosalia, JIAFEI just any other artist that sings in another language other than english he'll know. And he sings it so well but has no idea what a lick of it means well except for japanese.

Is not scared of talking about it to any of his classmates and actually persuading them to give it a try or if he plays it on his bluetooth speaker before class starts and then one of his classmates asks him the next day for ex: Tokoyami asks him "Hey Sero, what was that techo like song were you playing yesterday, for some reason it's in my head." and then the tape boi will go through his recently played songs from yesterday (he's a yt music kinda guy tbh). Then basically almost everybody is interested in what he has in store next

In other words he's the one who always brings his speaker to class but is respectful and plays it before class even starts, he's an early bird.

Denki, is the twin of Sero cool with any kind of music but leans more into the weebcore/rap category. He most likely will play weeb music in his dorm room, the usual anime openings and ending theme songs with a dorky smile on his face humming along while reading manga.

Is the aux cord GOD, will never disappoint the Bakusquad with any music he plays in the car he'll play some Marshmello and everyone would get littt🔥🔥🔥 or some nostalgic jpop to sing awfully off tune to to piss off Bakugo ofc.

Fun Fact: The whole Bakusquad got kicked out of his car at least five times singing terribly lmaooooo

(!!I'M WRITING THIS HEADCANON BEFORE THE TRAITOR ERA HE HAD!!)⬇️

💅Voguing king✨ that's the title Yuga Aoyama gives himself when his headphones are filled with the sounds of VOGUE EDITS IM SORRY HE SERVES CUNT ISTG GO LOOK AT HIS HERO COSTUME UGHHHH 😫 he even putson fashion shows with the Class A Girls 🥺🥺 *imagines him voguing to this 1 hour playlist of just phonk/runway music cause I can*

He is also very bold at expressing his love for future funk obsession, his peers don't mind it at all..well, ONE person *cough cough bakugo*. ⬇️

Totally applies his makeup (generally eyeliner cause he has the ✨prettiest✨ eyes, fight me 🤪)to either one of those two categories imo (he gives me when i suddenly want to try runway eyeliner makeup😭 -cries in non fem queen-)

BEST FOR LAST MOTHAFUCKIN' BAKUGO AND KIRISHIMA aka BakuKiri or KiriBaku (shoutout to the shippers for that pair✌️) 💥🤟

Heavy Metal/Death Metal for Bakugo

NEFFEX, Rock and workout tunes for Kirishima

Five Finger Death Punchis literally Boom Boom Boi's fav and Kiri is in the car just vibing and just not minding it at all knowing it's his way of relieving stress from work plus it's manly sounding anyway to him as well so whatever makes him happy ❤️

Psst..come here..*whispers in your ear* Bakugo gets with Tokoyami for secret thrashing sessions sometimes 🤫

YOU CANNOT TELL ME THAT THEY DON'T! THE DARK OVERLORD AND THE ANGRY POMERANIAN THRASHING TOGETHER LMAOO AND THEN KIRI JOINS IN LATER AND THEN THE WHOLE BAKUSQUAD LMAOAOAO

Now Kiri goes to the gym pumping iron to some Neffex is a must for him that's his whole workout niche but anywhere his workout playlist goes who knows?

Has a whole thrash playlist as well go figs

Disco on the treadmill? yes please

Dubstep while throwing around that heavy ass rope? yessir yessir

At the end of the day he's chillin' to some chillstep while laying on his bed after a shower, resting to recharge for the next day

MIneta...yeahhhh dont give him the aux cord..just don't trust him

Imma just say one word that he would blare on someone speaker

Cupcakke

That is all..so hide yo aux cords or don't bring it at all and just stick to the radio

[camaron-roll]

Book wrap up 2024

Hi! Long time no see. This is a publication for the book club community in Tumblr and that's why I'm writing in english hehe.

For so many years I wasn't consistent in reading until midyear I challenged myself to read 10 books. I really missed this hobby and I'm glad that now I can enjoy it as when I was a child ❤️.

Here are the books I read in 2024 and I'm leaving a short review for each one.

Also, english is not my first language so don't hesitate to correct me if you see a grammar mistake.

"La nostalgia es un sello ardiente" by Natalia Litvinova

This is a book of poems written by a Belorussian and Argentinean author. Each poem talks about her childhood and her memories with her mother, grandmother and best friend at that time, being the later one the most important. It begins with Natalia viewing her Facebook and asking herself questions about the woman´s life and her feelings. The poems are so delicate and relatable for me that I get pleased reading it.

"Un grito de amor desde el centro del mundo" by Kyoichi Katayama

The simplest novel I read in 2024 and yet one of the most beautiful. This story is about a teen guy who falls in love with his classmate but it happens that the girl has an illness that's gonna stop them to be completely happy together. This is not a romance novel as many people think it is, but an essay-novel that reflects on the death of those we love in this world.

"La amiga estupenda" ("My brilliant friend") by Elena Ferrante

Oh, boy. How I loved this book. This is about the friendship of two girls since their childhood until their adolescence. It touches on issues such as overcoming poverty, identity, self-esteem, machismo, conflict between social classes and obviously intrusive feelings within female friendship. It reads as if you were being told a juicy gossip. Totally recommended.

"Azul casi transparente" ("Almost transparent blue") by Ryu Murakami

With this book I realized that Ryu Murakami is an expert in weaving the carnal nature of the human being together with the nature of the plant and animal world. It follows a group of social outcasts on a Japanese-American base, who live in a world of drug and sex excess to a point that may be uncomfortable for some. Although the story seems to go nowhere, the crudeness of the characters' lives and their immorality are constantly intertwined with the beauty of the insects, the trees, the sky, the people, giving the novel that exquisite ending. I do not recommend this novel to anyone, as it is very explicit in sexual content and violence.

"Un mal nombre" ("The story of a new name") by Elena Ferrante

The second novel of the saga "two friends". What can I say? It's a must read. The story continuos the ending of the first novel. This time it is more about the convoluted friendship that exists between the two protagonists, where we will be shown more aspects of each one's personality and how the path of one separates and joins in a back-and-forth with that of the other. You may end up hating one of them. It leaves no one indifferent.

"Conversaciones entre amigos" ("Conversations with friends") by Sally Rooney

I didn't read the popular book of this author: Normal people. But what I can say about this is that I'm craving for more of her. This is the story of Frances, a college student in Ireland who meets with her best friend, Bobby, a married couple in their 30s.

Listen to me: it may seem like a wattpad novel at first, or a simple romance, but believe me it goes far beyond that, as it raises many questions about self-sufficiency, the wounds of the past and how they affect our relationships, and questions the principle of monogamy in romantic love (with this you already know more or less what the novel is about). You can tell that the author did not write the book with the purpose of telling you what is right and what is wrong, but to invite the reader to reflect and have a discussion. With this book I realized that I love these novels that deep down, digging deep, are really an essay or a case study.

"Almendra" ("Almond") by Sohn-Won Pyung

This is also an "essay-novel". This is the story of Yunjae, a boy with alexithymia, an neuropsychological condition characterized by significant challenges in recognizing, expressing, sourcing, and describing one's emotions. As a result, it implies difficulties in attachment and establishing genuine interpersonal relationships.

How can a child with this condition live in a society where the meaning of words is always indirect, where emotions do not necessarily have a word assigned to describe them, where people have motives that they do not always say out loud but that you can guess by reading their face, where things like love, anger, worry have appropriate and inappropriate ways to be expressed? Well, all these questions and more are what the author tries to answer for us. The prose is simple, but meaningful.

"En el nombre de ninguna" by Rosabetty Muñoz

Rosabetty is a Chilean writer and this is the first book of poems of her that I read. The poems tell us about motherhood and its link with childhood and femininity through objects, events and rituals of popular culture, such as dolls, the rite of the little angel, abortion, among others. She makes a portrait of how violent it always was to be a mother, child and woman in her time, and dialogues a lot with the violence that continues to exist to this day.

"Limpia" by Alia Trabucco

I guess this is my least favourite book of 2024. Not because is bad (actually is highly acclaimed by public opinion abroad) but because I expected something else of this book, specially when it comes with the voice and the thoughts of the protagonist. I thought it would take a more popular voice but instead the author's prose is more poetic and cultured, which clashed a bit with the socioeconomic status of the protagonist and the place where she comes from, Chiloé (southern Chile), a place very rich linguistically in jargon. Also, I felt that the protagonist was more a witness of the life of their employers. My misgivings with the novel were due to the fact that the author of this book is a woman from a higher social class and comes from a family of filmmakers and writers, and in general here in Chile, there is often a distrust of stories about lower class characters written by upper class people. Even so, I took her way of narrating and writing the story as her personal style as a writer. Anyway, the story itself is gripping and excellently written, with many literary figures that I loved.

"Punto de Cruz" by Jazmina Barrera

This is the last book I read in 2024 and the one I had the hardest time finishing, due to the fact that at the end of the year one is usually busier with social life, looking for gifts for Christmas, etc. Still, I loved this book, but not for the reasons I expected.

The novel tells us about three Mexican friends who are shocked by the death of one of them. From the news, the protagonist of the book will relate little memories of how the three met, the bond they had, anecdotes and mixed feelings with their friendship. It is actually a very ordinary story in the substantial sense, however, it is the way it is written that captivated me.

In the lives of these three friends, a significant pastime they shared was always very present: embroidery. It is from the historical and literary data about the world of embroidery, the memories of the protagonist and the present moment in which she tries to plan the funeral of this deceased friend, how the meaning of embroidery as a legacy, as resistance, as a tool for mourning and as a weapon against machismo is interwoven.

[glasratz]

On "Sacred and Terrbile Air" by Robert Kurvitz

I just finished rading Kurvitz' "Sacred and Terrible Air" and I just want to give some thoughts on it.

Summary of the important point: Don't read it now. Wait for a better translation.

Four girls on summer vacation go missing without a trace. Three boys who befriended them make it their quest to find out about their fate. Twenty years later, whit the world on the brink of nuclear war, they meet again at a class reunion to finally figure out the mystery.

The book takes place in the same world as Disco Elysium, so people who played the game will be familiar with several concept like the Pale, the Innocents and the political structures of the Isolas. For everyone else, these things are well enough explained in the text itself, the glossary at the end is a bit superfluous - especially since there is no index to make you know about it being there at all. It's an e-book. I don't know about you, but I usually don't just flip through the pages of an e-book like I would do with a regular book.

Even though the translation seems rough (more on that below) the writing style is very good. It has several characteristics of Soviet-style sci-fi stories. However, I think Kurvitz took some of those characteristics to the extreme, especially with the ending. Sure, the ending is fits the overall plot and is not unlike something you'd read in a story by the Strugatsky brothers - but it still looks like there's a sequel missing.

However, the presentation of the plot is also modern to the extreme. It's told in a non-linear manner with constant leaps back in time - and even forward later in the story. This is very common in modern storytelling and definitely necessary to build up some tension. But... I think it was overdone here. Many of the chapters are very short, the point of view constantly changes. Sometimes rather unimportant scenes are held back for later for not apparent reason. I really think a bit more of consistency and longer scenes would have done the plot good. Often I felt like the author was holding information back from me just to rise the tension and then those facts turned out not to be important at all. There's a long story arch that turns out to be just a red herring for example.

The character presentation is rather good for the most part. The three men on their quest are nicely described, even though we only really learn about Khan's motivation. I wish they would be allowed to shine a bit more, I felt like they were given too little room to act.

The world Kurvitz creates is phantastic. Mysteries and stories are hinted on, political systems are created with just a few words. I would have loved to read more on that - but that is actually what you get from Disco Elysium instead. The game will teach you much more about the world than the book does.

The edition I read was the supposedly "better" translation, allegedly done by a professional translator. If that is true, I assume it was an Estonian native with English as his or her second language. That may work sometimes, but it's not the ideal way to do it.

English is not my first language either, but I read English books on a regular basis (just startet Peake's "Titus Groan" which was never translated into German). Well, I had a really hard time with "Sacred and Terrible Air". Many of the sentences just aren't right. It's very hard to make out who is talking in a dialogue. Sometimes one character referred to in an action when the context makes is clear that another one should actually be referred to. I also felt that there were many parts that were supposed to be humorous, but the joke is missing. That is why I would really recommend not reading this book at this point in time.

Unfortunately, the book is not "more Disco Elysium" as many people expect it to be. DE is probably much closer to Kruvitz' tabletop RPG sessions than it is to the book: Countless different characters, and abundance of facts about a weird world and clever dialogues. You don't get this in Sacred and Terrible air. It's a work on its own, and I felt that it had a vastly different tone.