#also shout out 2014 i miss the vibes

[iuteamstarcandy]

Instyle (November 2013)

“If my image from previous albums had been simple or clean, you’ll feel slightly different about it this time. Should I say it’s like sweet, brown sugar that will make you slowly fall in love with it?”

IU made a comeback with her new album <Modern Times>.

Her youthful face remains the same, but she returns to the stage where she first stood with a much more mature voice and aura.

“On days when I don’t have a schedule, I meet up with my best friend Yoo In Na unnie. We chat and eat delicious food together. I usually order and eat a lot of cake, but unnie tends to stop me (from having too much). (laughs).”

“I have a rather small physique, so I like wearing shorts. My dream is to go out wearing flatties and skinny jeans that can show a bit of my ankles.”

“It’s a secret, but I think I’ll get a haircut soon. I actually had short hair when I first debuted. I bet those who miss (my) look back then will like it?”

This Christmas, she wants to shout “Merry Christmas!” while clinking glasses with strangers in Germany. Her inferiority complex is having a small physique, so she always wears big (oversized) clothes. Rather than idols, she likes Kim Chang Wan and Woody Allen. She also turns people who are passing by the car window outside into the main characters of her self-composed songs. Through this interview, we met the IU we didn’t know before this.

New Album <Modern Times>

IU: In a word, (my new album) is like sweet, brown sugar. For a long time, I’ve always thought my voice was like sweet and sour junk food. But with this album, (my voice) feels even sweeter. Should I say it’s like a witch? And I think that kind of vibe was emphasized with the album jacket being shot in black and white and with the change of my hair color (blonde). After hearing what I said, my best friend Yoo In Na went, “Hey! Who would even fancy a witch?” (laughs) If I were to pick a song that’s closest to my heart, it’d be ‘Bad Day’. It’s a self-composed song, and it feels like a ballad, so I think it’d be nice to listen to when your ears are tired. Please check out the song.

Collaborating with Musicians

IU: I often sang teacher Choi Baek Ho’s songs at concerts because my dad adores him so much. The news somehow reached teacher Choi, so we did pictorials and interviews together, and talked about music too. Despite me begging teacher Choi to drop the formalities, he still uses honorifics (polite language) to me, who is much younger than him. He was also really cool when we recorded the song together this time. He listened to everything I sang, and also didn’t forget to offer words of encouragement to his junior throughout (the recording session). He is the definition of a gentleman. On the other hand, working with Ga-in unnie felt different. Should I say that we are similar in our usual (physical) appearance and way of speaking? Perhaps that’s why it felt natural when we were filming and recording together. If there’s a chance, I would like to work with Kim Chang Wan sunbaenim. I really like sunbaenim’s ‘Ride a Bike by Guitar’. Despite him being a great senior (veteran) already, I like how he still radiates that bad boy (mischievous brat) energy (in the song). Now that I’ve expressed my feelings (intention) today, there will come a day when we finally get to work together, right?* (laughs)

(*Note: As part of her remake album “A Flower Bookmark,” IU sang a duet with singer Kim Chang Wan in the remake of his original song, “Meaning of you” in 2014.)

Winter

IU: Winter reminds me of the songs featured in Woody Allen’s movies. ‘Let’s Do It’ from <Midnight in Paris> and ‘It Seems Like Old Times’ from <Annie Hall> are songs that are better to listen to (sound better) during winter. Be sure to listen to the songs while watching the movies. And when it’s wintertime, I start looking forward to Christmas. I don’t recall spending Christmas freely ever since my debut, but if I ever get the chance, I want to travel to Germany this Christmas. Actually, this is all because of Noh Hong Chul oppa (t/l note: one of the hosts in ‘Heroes’). He sat me down with Yoo In Na unnie and bragged about how he spent Christmas in Germany, and I was dazzled (by the story). So, with sparkling eyes (full of excitement), unnie and I decided, “Let’s go to Germany for Christmas”. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to realise it yet, but I definitely want to go there someday. I also want to try lots of delicious food! I really like exploring nice restaurants. You had no idea, didn't you?

Translated by IUteamstarcandy

Source: [1]

[now-that-i-saw-you]

"SLUT!" Doesn't feel like a song that would be slow and melancholy. It's not just Slut, it sounds like a shout, it sounds like it would be angry. I'm thinking of the way she sings "getting bitches and models" in The Man (it's pop, but still full of anger). Something like "They call me a SLUT! but I'll do what I WANT because no choice is right". Maybe this song would be the one most different from 1989 (2014), one that shows a slightly different turn the album could've taken lyrically and production-wise. Maybe it's Blank Space's predecessor the way Nothing New led to The Lucky One and Castles Crumbling to Long Live, but I don't necessarily think it'd be sadder. I think it will just address the slutshaming more directly. Shake It Off is like "this is annoying, but I laugh about it and move on" and Blank Space is a satire meant to show how ridiclous it is. "SLUT!" feels like it's gonna be more "this is really, really, really fucking annoying me and it takes so much willpower to ignore this and fuck you all"

Say Don't Go sounds like a song in which the vocals would be vocalizing. Somewhere between All You Have To Do Was Stay and Wildest Dreams, The Other Side Of The Door's pop sister. She's walking out, maybe because she feels like she has to, but she wants him to tell her not to go. When she sings "say don't go" her voice will soar, like the way she sings in Need.

Now That We Don't Talk sounds like a very pop song, an I Wish You Would-adjacent, a Single girl anthem. She will linger on the words in the title "Now. That. We. Don't. Talk." The song will be about the freedom that comes from leaving a relationship "Now that we don't talk // I can do what I want'

Or it might be more of an I Miss You song, how hard it is to go from doing everything with someone and talking to them everyday to No Contact. "Now that we don't talk // everything's so dark"

Suburban Legends - after looking it up, a suburban legend is a tall tale and that seems very fitting for the album and the entire era. The antithesis to "the rumours are terrible and cruel // but honey most of them are true". I imagine the song will have Cool City Girl Vibes like New Romantics and Welcome To New York, maybe mixed with Style. A song about how people spread false rumours about her and her lover, how the crowds enjoy nitpicking her, and how they clearly live for the drama and gossip. She and her lover are legends because "they never go out of style"

Is It Over Now? makes me thing of Out Of The Woods. A song about anxiety in a on-again off-again relationship. Is it over now? Can we stop fighting? The way this question is phrased also makes me thing she might want it to be over, she wants to be able to walk out, she wants the pain this relationship is causing her to end. I think it's fitting for a closing track.

On the other hand, the rerecording have shown us that since Speak Now era, Taylor's had anxieties about people growing tired of her (Castles Crumbling, Nothing New). People were really cruel to her during the RED era. So maybe this song will be about wondering if this is her last chance of fame, if after that people will no longer tolerate her. I'm thinking about her crying all the way home from 2014 GRAMMYs after RED lost. Maybe it'd be like Clean or right where you left. On the preface a breakup song but when you dig deeper, it's clearly about a very personal struggle. I imagine this having the kind of slow productions Clean and This Love have.

[rescuefield-a]

BACK TO THE ROOTS - A NOTE ON CLAIRE'S VILLAGE VERSE.

( because it's long due and i finally somewhat found the words to make a cohesive thought )

CLAIRE A / canon.

despite not being affiliated with terrasave for a whole decade by now, the events of village put claire back on her old path - especially her detective skills have their moment to shine once again. but it doesn't happen so easily, of course.

at first claire was not supposed to be part of the mission, for some time earlier in the year rani's aunt had passed, and the adjustment leading to that was very complicated on her part ( because rani is a teenager getting ready to start college, and claire's experience with that started and ended pretty much in the span of a few months ) so when she's asked about her availability, she's very hesitant on accepting. eventually she gives in, because rani insists that nobody else could do the job better than her, and that she's got sherry who can help sort out the dorm and classes situation.

so claire travels to the village with the promise to keep in touch whenever she can to remain briefied on what her girls are up to. essentially claire helps mia with rosemary when ethan is training, makes sure that the house is safe during the day and checks all the locks twice before chris' squad takes over for the night.

what went wrong?

claire definitely noticed something was off in the prelude to the game events, thing is, she genuinely thought mia was being weird because of her ptsd or maybe ppd - there were some signs according to google and the few little moments claire would see her interact with ethan, so she never thought much of it besides drop hints that if mia needs someone to talk to, she's always around.

what really sets claire off is the bedtime story book. she's not an expert on what to read to babies by any means, but even for her standards it seems like something too dark. so after hearing bits and pieces claire actually reads the whole thing, and not only it creeps her out but also sets her curiousity very high when researching on it she finds out it's local folklore. her infamous board of clues makes a comeback the moment rose goes missing - her investigation diverts from the general action driven vibe, adding elements of mystery and supernatural ( that will eventually be explained with the existence of the mold, but up until then claire is just trying to find out what is making the villagers sick and if "mother miranda" might be connected to the kidnapping )

she remains in contact with chris and the rest of the squad for the whole time and her codename is sköll ( which in itself deserves a whole post about its implications in relation to mythology and what is happening in the village but that's for another time )

due to the heavy themes of parenthood, questionable mothers and love for a child, claire will mention sherry and rani and her experience of motherhood when it comes to them, as they are the closest thing to kids of her own that she's ever had.

CLAIRE B / alt verse.

everything stays the same in regards of claire's task and her role in the squad and throughout the events of village. the only difference is that in this instance there would be mentions of juniper / juni & micah, who would be claire's daughters that she's been raising since late 2014.

in this alt verse claire would still be involved in the daily tasks. because juni & micah are kids claire and leon ( shout out to deadaim ) the rules of canon and logic were bent a little, meaning that while they all moved to europe at some point after 2017, they mostly keep them in the newly rebuilt holigrad as students in buddy's school, far away as possible from the village. it's a few tough years and commuting is an annoyance but things could be worse all in all, and claire is grateful for the life she has.

juni & micah would be circa 8 and 7 around this time, and probably not suitable as host unlike rose - still, i think that if miranda had caught word of some of claire's conversations while posing as mia then she knows they could be another possibility, or at least some sort of leverage to see how willing claire is to fight for a good cause when it's her family on the line ( i think it would make for some good gray morality moments, so i'm always open to discuss this verse )

[zorocuteboy]

Nobody ever hears about me but y'all can blame on @fleetof-fandoms for the TED Talk I'm about to begin!!! As usual I'd rather not tag anyone but if this reaches you and you get interested in doing it (like I got), FEEL FREE, enjoy it (and maybe use it as an opportunity to clean all my rambling)!

Okay, so let's do this. I've realized that even tho I watch A LOT of movies (like, really, A LOT, especially during quarantine), I don't ever watch them as a form of "comfort comfort" (?) I guess when I really need it I don't have the time to?

*insert the "Every Time Fred Didn't Know a Thing SUPERCUT!"*

When you ask me about movies, my mind immediately goes to Ex-Machina or like Perfect Blue, so I've had to dig into my ratings data to find stuff that actually fit as "comfort" - and I think it kinda worked for now:

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014)

This one is a CERTIFIED one, ok? I'm not even sure as to why but I loved everything about this series, I own a DVD to this second film up to today as a "protest" for how much it was done dirty and I was REALLY glad that they gave it a closure at the "No Way Home" movie. Also I was a superhero movies' fan for quite some time so at least one HAD to show up in here.

Divergent (2014)

It's been years since I've last watched it but its vibe and atmosphere alone could have already convinced me to get into my whole obsession with the Divergent book series. I could talk about the books for hours, since they are so important to me, so I'm sure the movie will always make me nostalgic in a good way...

La La Land (2016)

Beautiful. It just ressonates to me in a way that always makes me emotional. This also means that maybe it makes me more sad than it should for a comfort movie but it allows me to move on so I'm adding it (at least for now) anyways! Also congrats to Emma Stone for making it into the list TWICE!!

海がきこえる: Ocean Waves (1993)

There are a couple of other Ghibli movies that could have make it but, once again, I DON'T KNOW. It is most probably the most intense 72 minutes in my life. I guess it just makes you feel alive (and youthful?)...

One Piece: The Movie (2000)

Maybe I'm cheating on this one but, c'mon, look at my "zorocuteboy" name... One Piece has been a really important part of my life for years now and I love the goofy feel good vibe of the early episodes. I can't watch or read everything all over again everytime I miss it so the movies definitely help. The 1st one is not my favorite but it is the most "found-family One Piece" out of the movies so IT IS A CERTIFIED COMFORT MOVIE.

Ratatouille (2007)

I wanted no Disney movies on this one but nothing brings more comfort than stuff from your childhood, isn't it? SHOUT OUT TO ALL MY CHILDHOOD ANIMATIONS!!!!!

I know the one I was actually obsessed with as a kid was Brother Bear (2?) but then I don't really have any memory as to the history itself so... On the other hand, I repeatedly remember the "mixing flavours" (cheese and strawberry) and the "Ego reminiscing about his homemade food" scenes, they are really wholesome and media about food always hits me for some reason. Maybe happiness is indeed in the smallest things?

유열의 음악앨범: Tune in for Love (2019)

So... One thing you might learn about me is that I'm not usually fond of ROMANCE Romance movies. Tune in for Love tho just felt real to my inexperienced-at-romance ass? I'll not talk too much about it cause I'm afraid I'll get over its warmness if I do it in here but I was legitimately rooting for the couple's happiness and caring for the characters throughout both times I watched it, after all they were flawed but humans. #we all need and can be a little more positive

rules: seven comfort films, seven people

The Warriors.

Rocky Horror Picture Show

The Matrix

The Lord of the Rings

Goldeneye

The Fifth Element

Blade

I'll go ahead and taggggg @2pacula @necromancy-savant @acid-vengeance @lakanakana @amygdalae @rewindandunwind @fleetof-fandoms

[randombubblegum]

gonna bring back 2014 for a second but awsten and otto are drift compatible

oh MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU HARM ME IN THIS WAY!!!!

[jidai]

jidai’s budget mutuals/friends appreciation

Hi, all! I’m quite late with this but I decided to put a small friends and mutual appreciations post in hopes of brightening up the end of this year a little bit. ❤️ If you were tagged, please make sure to check below for a small little message from me. However, I want to make it very clear that I truly appreciate all of my mutuals. You guys brighten up my dash and always reblog or create so many funny and creative posts. I just wanted to give a few special shout outs to those that have taken out the time to reach out and interacted with me past my ask box or we just see each other often.

The messages are ordered by your URL, so you might have to scroll for awhile before you see your messages. I’m so sorry lmao. 

Happy New Years, everyone!

@25th​​, Nonnie, the Young Genius. bro, remind me how old you are 🧍‍♀️ Like my brain CANNOT fathom the thought that you’re so skilled at SO many things and you’re not even in your twenties??? PLEASE SPARE THE TALENT. i will even accept crumbs. But I’m writing to tell you that you are such a wonderful presence on my dash. I always look forward to your gfx. They’re so SO good and you’re improving from one post to another. Like WOW. Now, you’re even starting an art blog, too? You’re so dedicated to the arts. I respect that a lot. Your hard work and commitment will bring you very far in life, whatever you decide to do. 

I love interacting with you. You’re such a big sweetheart and full of positivity and energy. I look forward to seeing more of your art and gfx ❤️

@biscuitwalk​, Dann, the AK Wiz. Dann, I know you’re not as active on here so idk when or if you will ever read this but I want to say that I miss you and your creations so, so much. I will say it a hundred times over and OVER but you inspire me so goddamn much. You have no fucking idea. Your works are absolutely gorgeous and unique. I can look at it once and I can instantly recognize your style (and your cute lil’ pufferfish <3). The way you utilize colors and implement various techniques, shapes, textures into your work. Goddamn, you’re so good. I always look to your work if I ever need inspiration and they help me brainstorm. God, I wish I could put it into words how much I adore your works.

We didn’t really talk for long but you seemed like such a kind and fun person to be around. I wish you the best in your future endeavors, wherever you are. Stay safe <3

@elriccs, Mirai, the Short King. 🧍‍♀️ ok look I know, I know I’m TERRIBLE at replying to you and I’m so fucking sorry. I absolutely love to talk to you but my dumbass cannot seem to reply in a timely manner LASELKSAL. That’s on me and I gotta do better. Anyways!!! Thank you SO fucking much for always leaving such kind messages on my work. I swear to god you’re one of my biggest hype man and I ALWAYS look forward to reading your tags. They’re so funny and it makes me all tingly and happy inside. Bro, like, you just radiate big fun vibes, bro. I really hope that I can get to know you better so I can just insult you until it’s too late to walk away </3

And of course, let me also remind you that I love your works so much. They way that you utilize your textures and those muted colors... OOMPH *chefs kiss* I will always love--

@lockhvrts​​, Em the Soulsborne GOD. hi em 🥺 it’s been awhile since I’ve had a proper conversation with you and I hope you’re doing okay! I miss you and our conversations where we do nothing but geek out and complain about the game industry lmao. if you manage to read this, I just wanted to let you know I miss your presence here. It’s been kinda dull not seeing your beautiful soulsborne gifs and your game rants. Let’s catch up soon. <3 stay safe and well!

@nathanprescutt, Benn, the Man. BENNNNNNNN.  I love you a lot bro. I know we haven’t had long conversations for some time and I hope I can change that! You were my first friend on this blog and I will always appreciate it. I remember us just geeking out over your works and how I would always send you a gfx request like once a week LMAO. The one thing that I have always appreciated about you was the fact that you’re very opinionated (if not, very vocal on your stance on things) and you hold your ground. There were a few time where you encouraged me to speak on topics that I think I shouldn’t and that stuck with me for quite awhile. I’m still a nervous rambling mess when it comes to debates but just know that the one time you supported me to voice my opinion--I hold it very dear to my heart. 

While I don’t spend much time together, I will always remember our animal crossing session. It was  so much fun just trashing and chilling on your island. Especially the bar :( that bar was fucking AMAZING. Maybe once FFXVI comes out, we can geek out hehe

Also, thank you so much for sending in photos of all your doggos, omg. I miss seeing them so much I hope they’re doing well. Stay hot, my German bro lol. Ich bin sehr dankbar, so eine tolle Freundin zu haben. ❤️❤️❤️

@noxdivina​, Lin the Big Dick Daddy Kind. The church is open for business bitch and I’m here to preach the GOSPEL.

Okay, jokes aside, I’m really happy that we became mutuals. You’ve always give off this like, mysterious cosmic vibe (????? huh). And your selfies just further proves that you are wtf. But you’re always so kind to those that you interact with. You’re an absolutely sweetheart and like I just want to give you a giant hug every time we interact. You’re such a soft human being. It’s so nice being around you. It’s like being tossed in the oven and baked at 250 degrees F for 25 minutes. And to boot you’re really talented, hello? God really said let there be a perfect human being and yeeted you into the universe. Thank you for always leaving such kind messages and words in my DM/askbox/works. I cherish them so much. I hope I can get to know you better in the future bc you’re rad, bro <3

anyways, updated drawing of u and maya:

i always assume you’re in a black fur parka 24/7 and maya is coatless neck down. also deck me with those jacked arms of yours thanks  🧍‍♀️

(edit: fuck i forgot to draw a PARTY HAT ON MAYA IM SORRY)

@rokuseis​, Sei, the Dumber.

i have nothing to say to you go away you banana hater ASELKSAEKL

BITCH, you doo bee getting on my nerve 24/7/365 🧍‍♀️ you were an unexpected but a very welcomed addition to my life. I can’t believe we really went 1 fuckin’ year without speaking to each other and then suddenly our friendship blew up because over a stupid BANANA. Now you gotta deal with me and my stupid, random, crude ass messages daily. I cannot. Clown to clown communication. But thank you so much bitch for being there for me and telling all of these funny ass stories and life experiences.

I know I don’t say it a lot because when we talk it’s literally just dogs barking at each other but I want to make it clear now: I love your humor and vibe so much. You never fail to make me laugh anytime I talk to you and I appreciate it so much. I can’t tell you how many times I felt better after talking to you. Even though sometimes your fucking jab hits hard and I end up actually inSULTED BY IT. But thank you for becoming my friend and I look forward to all of our stupid moments together. Looking forward to shitting in your sink when I finally fly to your home <3

@wolfamongthem, Anna, the Grinch. Please don’t hurt me for that title. I'm just saying if someone needs a live casting, it’ll be u. Anyways, did you know that I was so fucking intimidated by you for a long ass time, even before we became mutuals aseljas LMAO. I always see your gifs around on explore and they’re so gorgeous and then I look at your text posts and it’s u roasting people like there’s no tomorrow- 🧍‍♀️ bitch I was SCARED OF U KSKS. Now that I’ve talked to you a few times, you’re really funny like where do you find those reaction memes????? Like bro you and your shitposts is my morning cup of coffee. 

Anyways, in 2021 I expect a full-fledge review of all AAA games from you-- no more shit talking in the tags let it all out BITCH. Thank you for being such a great mutual! I look forward to see what weird shit you will send me the next time we talk lmao

@zenien​​, Selm, the I’m-gay-for-Lady-Maria-or-anything-that-moves-in-BB-Bitch™. ok bitch if I’m being honest I wrote yours last so my brain is FRIED. so everything i say from here is raw from the HEARt cause that’s all I got left. But anyhow, we savin’ the best for last! honestly, i didn’t expect you to barge into my life like that. i really didn’t. i was just gonna keep admiring with my 7 feet (2.1336 meters) pole. I’m glad you made the first move because look where we are wtf 🧍‍♀️ friends??? I wouldn’t believe you if you told me that in 2014 when I first followed you lmao. 

You’re such a kind soul. I know you may disagree but I’m determined to convince you. I can’t tell you how much I want to thank you for taking the time to talk to me during my rough bits. It’s like sitting on a wooden bench in a park during sunset and you sit next to me, just enjoying the vast sky. You radiate such peaceful energy. It’s very calming. Or you know, 2 seconds later i’m suddenly suplexed by your 40 tons of insults like what-- 

Thank you for everything, so far. Truly. It’s been so fun listening to you talk about your Bloodborne journey and see your reactions live. It’s been so fun to see you post your graphics and it continues to blow me away. It’s been so fun hearing about your life and the stories of your adulthood. Every words that we have exchanged, I hold dearly to my heart--more than you ever know. Love u bitch.

[your-angle-of-music]

Anyone want my playlist for my dream cast version of Les Miserables?

Here it is!

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyXOfYb8cpflTuoC6FuFMwyCuD60-V0J4

It’s as close to the full show as I can get. Let me know if I miscredited anyone, am missing any major songs, or have anything listed out of order. I’m happy to be convinced that a different version of a song should reign supreme as well, so hit me up!

Song/actors list and explanations under the cut.

1. Overture/Work Song - Colm Wilkinson as Jean Valjean, Terrence Mann as Javert (Original Broadway)

It’s a big, bombastic, awesome beginning. I definitely vibe with the especially over-the-top synth and these particular convicts’ generally growly, desperate tone. Wilkinson’s Valjean, eternally my favorite, doesn’t seem feral like some versions I’ve seen, but rather like he’s trying so hard to just be good and get through this and keep it together, until he snaps a bit at “My name is Jean Valjean” and the way he acts that gives me chills. Mann’s Javert seems more cold than over-the-top aggressive, which I always like, although he doesn’t stick out thaaat much to me.

2. On Parole/The Bishop - Colm Wilkinson as Jean Valjean, Paul Monaghan as Bishop Myriel (10th Anniversary)

I love everything about Wilkinson’s Valjean’s “freedom is mine” bit. His unique diction and his perfect tenor-ness and the hope in his voice...yeah. The way he hits and holds that “fliiiiiiiight” note is also pretty perfect. It sounds like the scream he was holding in the whole time he was in prison. I also appreciate Monaghan’s Bishop’s sudden earnestness at the “But remember this, my brother” part and the way he holds that last low “I have bought your soul for God.”

3. Prologue/What Have I Done? - Colm Wilkinson as Jean Valjean (Original London)

Wilkinson’s Valjean seems to make the beginning part properly fast and frantic, then switches to a gentle, heartwrenchingly vulnerable tone, then his absolutely anguished “this is all I have known.” As always, he excels at those high notes and long notes.

4. At the End of the Day - Lea Salonga as Fantine, Alfie Boe as Jean Valjean, Jeff Nicholson as the Factory Foreman (25th Anniversary)

All the women here sound so angry, at everyone and everything, and it’s pretty great. Honestly, it was Nicholson’s factory foreman here that really caught my ear, with his nasty ��oi!” after the “and in a bed” line and his frankly terrifying “on your way!”. I like Salonga’s Fantine’s note of desperation, although she honestly could sound a little angrier. This track includes a tiny bit of the beginning of “I Dreamed a Dream” and then cuts off — sorry about that.

5. I Dreamed a Dream - Maureen Moore as Fantine (1988)

Something about this recording makes it sound like it’s much older than it is, and that slightly echoey sound makes it sound all the more haunting. A lot of Fantines sound enraged here, and I like that too, but something about Moore’s just utter sadness and vulnerability just sells it for me like no one else can. She sounds so young, because Fantine is. And then the way she belts “shame” is perfection. The way she goes from quiet and gentle at the beginning to desperate belting at the end and then the soft last lines murders my soul every time.

6. Lovely Ladies - Randy Graff as Fantine (Original Broadway)

Honestly...I haven’t found a version of this song that I love yet. There’s still this air of humor to it that feels incongruous at best and mean-spirited at worst. But I really like the worn-out, older sounding voices of a lot of the women singing to Fantine, and Graff’s Fantine’s anguish and slightly breaking voice is definitely good, as is her “don’t they know they’re making love to one already dead?”

7. Fantine’s Arrest - Caissie Levy as Fantine, Nathaniel Hackmann as Jean Valjean, Earl Carpenter as Javert (2014)

I love Levy’s Fantine here, with her fear and her fierceness. The way she spits out that “even a whore who’s gone to the bad won’t be had by a rat” is perfect in every way, as is her pleading after. Carpenter’s Javert has a lovely bass and is also cold and punchable, as all Javerts should be. This is one of the only songs on this playlist I have a video for, and I appreciate the blocking; the women crowding around Fantine and then fleeing, and the way Hackmann’s Valjean keeps his distance from Fantine and generally radiates  respect and tenderness.

8. The Runaway Cart - Colm Wilkinson as Jean Valjean, Terrence Mann as Javert (Original Broadway)

Thank you @lesbianrung for this recommendation! The ensemble sounds frantic and scared here, sometimes screaming more than singing, but for a chaotic scene like this, it works. Mann’s Javert is more reserved here than some I’ve seen, a bit more like the authority-fearing, self-loathing Brick Javert. Wilkinson’s Valjean sounds like a wreck when he’s begging someone to help him lift the cart, does a great little nervous laugh on “say what you must, don’t leave it there,” and belts his “how can you be sure that I am not your man” to excellent effect.

9. Who Am I? - Colm Wilkinson as Jean Valjean (Original Broadway)

Hey quick question did I mention that I love Colm Wilkinson? God that tormented shiver in Valjean’s voice...the softness of that last “I am damned”..his buildup up to “I’m Jean Valjean”...the way he hits that last “two-four-six-oh-oneeeeeeee”...yeah no there is one (1) Jean Valjean and that is Colm Wilkinson.

10. Come to Me/Fantine’s Death - Ruthie Henshall as Fantine, Colm Wilkinson as Jean Valjean (10th Anniversary)

Henshall’s Fantine sounds so gentle yet so powerful here. The way she sings “I will sing you lullabies and wake you in the morning” absolutely shatters me and always will.Her belting sounds beautiful and clear and perfect, vulnerable yet strong. The way she fades out on her last word, “wake,” is utterly haunting. Wilkinson’s Jean Valjean sounds soft and caring, and the way he half-breathes a lot of the words is. Oh.

11. The Confrontation - Colm Wilkinson as Jean Valjean, Philip Quast as Javert (10th Anniversary)

Quast’s Javert has a true bass quality that really, really works, like in the way he says “you’ll wear a different chain.” In general, the way he seems to bite off his words and the steely determination of his voice is perfect. He balances really well with Wilkinson’s Valjean who, for the first time, sounds scary, but can switch to softness for the dead Fantine. The last “I will be there” is excellent all-around.

12. Castle on a Cloud - Zoë Hart as Little Cosette (Original London)

Hart’s Little Cosette is insanely good! She really does sound like a little kid and still has awesome acting and she’s in tune! Her “there is a lady all in white, holds me and sings me a lullaby” bit is heartbreaking.

13. Master of the House - Barry James as M. Thenardier, Gay Soper as Mme. Thenardier (International Symphonic)

James and Soper are my favorite Thenardiers of all time, by far. I like this longer version that mentions M. Thenardier’s Waterloo shenanigans. James’ Thenardier sounds gleefully evil, and I like his whispery, growly tone or rowdy almost-shouting. You can absolutely hear his nasty grin. His affected r-rolling also reminds me a lot of the Brick characterization. Soper’s Mme. Thenardier has a weasely quality to her voice that seems appropriate, but she does not shy away from the ruder lines (”lifelong shit,” “not much there,” “up the master’s ass,” etc.) and she, like her husband, seems to be having a lot of fun and lapping up the attention. I adore how she delivers her “bastard in the house” line.

14. The Bargain/Waltz of Treachery - Barry James as M. Thenardier, Gay Soper as Mme. Thenardier, Gary Morris as Jean Valjean, Marissa Dunlop as Little Cosette (International Symphonic)

Morris’ Valjean and Dunlop’s Little Cosette’s “la la la la la la la la” harmony is amazing and tender and adorable and may or may not make me cry which is not supposed to happen before Act II. Morris’ delivery of his “now her mother is with God” and “I stand here in her place” lines is powerful, too. The Thenardiers sound delightfully sleazy and dramatic, too. I like that Morris’ Valjean sounds actually angry at them, unlike many others I’ve seen. I almost have to admit though, I miss the movie version of the final lines, where they had “Will you be like a papa to me?”/”Yes Cosette, yes it’s true, I’ll be father and mother to you,” while here, like in other stage shows, they have “Will there be castles and children to see?”/”Yes Cosette, yes it’s true, there’s a castle just waiting for you” because 1) I like Valjean’s father and mother role that Hugo kept talking about in the Brick, and 2) in the musical, it seemed pretty clear that there weren’t actually any other children around Cosette until Marius showed up!

15. Suddenly - Hugh Jackman as Jean Valjean (2012 movie)

Yes, I’m including this song from the movie. Honestly, I don’t like the song itself that much, and I don’t think Jackman’s Valjean has the strongest voice, although his acting is extremely sweet, and when he almost whispers “full of light” and “like the sun” I definitely almost lose it. But I’m mainly including this song because the musical really did need a song that fills this role. The stage musical devotes a weirdly small amount of time to Cosette and Valjean’s relationship, considering that it drives Valjean’s actions for the rest of the story and it is central to the Brick (and one of my favorite parts of it, too). This is the first time that Valjean has ever felt truly loved in his life! Something suddenly HAS begun!

16. Look Down - Ross McCall as Gavroche, Anthony Warlow as Enjolras (International Symphonic)

I fell in love with this version because of the ensemble, honestly. It started out loud and powerful and strong, even more so than the Overture/Work Song bit. McCall’s Gavroche is beyond perfect, though. He is strong and sassy, and angry too, more than most Gavroches in the beginning, but he also sounds so young! Warlow’s Enjolras has an incredibly powerful voice as well, and makes a pretty awesome first impression.

17. The Robbery - Carrie Hope Fletcher as Eponine Thenardier, Rob Houchen as Marius Pontmercy, Cameron Blakely as M. Thenardier, James Gant as Javert (2013)

This is another song I’ve got the blocking for. It’s pretty standard, although I always like when a Marius, like Houchen’s, gets involved in the Fray to defend Cosette. I love the dynamic between Fletcher’s Eponine and Houchen’s Marius, with affection and teasing and care, and their little smiles and head shakes, but also with a bit of discomfort on Marius’ end — he seems a little awkward about trying to get his books back with minimal contact, and he seems to be deflecting the “I like the way you grow your hair” thing as nicely as he can, but definitely deflecting. Blakely doesn’t make much of an impression as Thenardier (although his “told you so” is really funny), and Gant is not my favorite Javert, but Fletcher’s “It’s Javert” is ridiculously awesome.

18. Stars - Philip Quast as Javert (10th Anniversary)

Quast’s Javert is...yeah, what else is there to say?

19. Eponine’s Errand - Kaho Shimada as Eponine Thenardier, Michael Ball as Marius Pontmercy (International Symphonic)

I wish this recording weren’t missing Gavroche’s little part beforehand, but I think Shimada’s Eponine and Ball’s Marius are worth the trade-off. Shimada sounds a little softer and sadder here, not angry like in some versions, which I don’t mind. But when she sees Marius, she switches to determinedly playful which is all the more heartwrenching. And her “I don’t want your money, sir” hurts. Ball’s Marius’ voice is nice and lovestruck and also not softening his single-minded obliviousness. I like his gentle desperation at his “Eponine, do this for me.” I also like that the lyric here is “don’t let her father know” instead of “don’t let your father know.”

20. Red and Black - Eddie Redmayne as Marius Pontmercy, Aaron Tveit as Enjolras, George Bladgen as Grantaire (2012 movie)

Embarrassing as it is to admit, Eddie Redmayne is my favorite Marius. He’s emotional and, well, a noodle, but also very sweet and sings well and has a higher, lighter voice than most Marii I’ve seen. He’s young!  They’re all so young! And I like that Tveit’s Enjolras feels a lot less shouty here ; it's more accurate to Brick descriptions of his interactions with his friends, and reflects his kind of angelic vibe. And I definitely appreciate that Bladgen’s Grantaire’s mocking is a little softer here — he knows a thing or two about impossible love. I do love his little laugh when he says “it is better than an opera.” And that last “they will come when we call” makes me feel things.

21. Do You Hear the People Sing? - Michael Maguire as Enjolras (Original Broadway)

Sometimes you need an angelic Aaron Tveit, and sometimes you need a powerhouse Michael Maguire. Damn.

22. In My Life - Judy Kuhn as Cosette, David Bryant as Marius Pontmercy, Frances Ruffelle as Eponine Thenardier, Colm Wilkinson as Jean Valjean (Original Broadway)

Kuhn’s Cosette has such a sweet voice, and you can hear her quiet fierce excitement in the beginning. She manages to sing Cosette’s high notes with softness and gentleness really well for the most part, although I’m not that fond of the sound on her “does he know I’m alive? do I know if he’s real?” high notes. Wilkinson’s Valjean seems gentler than some of the others I’ve seen, even on the “no more words” bit, and a lot of his negative emotion seems to be directed inward. Bryant’s Marius is in love, and sounds perhaps a bit too confident and a bit too old for my taste. No, what really stands out here is Frances Ruffelle’s Eponine. God, I love Frances Ruffelle’s Eponine. Starting off strong with that agonized “every word that he says is a dagger in me,” she sounds so young, with an almost-whiny, heartwrenching edge that reminds me the most of her Brick characterization, but she gets so gentle on her last “waiting here.”

23. A Heart Full of Love - Katie Hall as Cosette, Gareth Gates as Marius Pontmercy, Rosalind James as Eponine Thenardier (2010)

This recording picks up with James’ Eponine’s “waiting here,” definitely an interesting comparison. She sounds awesome throughout this piece, with a lovely warm alto voice. And I love love LOVE Katie Hall’s Cosette, with all her strength and sweetness. God, you can hear her smiling. She shines the most when she sings her softest lines, like “no fear, no regret,” “I'm awake,” and the last “after all.” Gates’ Marius is incredibly charming, but still absolutely an awkward mess, and you can hear him dying inside when he says “oh God, for shame, I do not even know your name.” The balance between all three of their voices is perfect.

24. Plumet Attack - Frances Ruffelle as Eponine Thenardier, Bernard Leo Burmester as M. Thenardier (Original Broadway)

Burmester’s Thenardier is properly scary here. Once again Ruffelle’s Eponine steals the show, belting all of her lines perfectly. Her “told you I’d do it” is haunting and perfect and brave in that oh-so-Eponine way, with a hint of petulance.

25. One Day More - Colm Wilkinson as Jean Valjean, Terrence Mann as Javert, Judy Kuhn as Cosette, Davis Bryant as Marius Pontmercy, Frances Ruffelle as Eponine Thenardier, Bernard Leo Burmester as M. Thenardier, Jennifer Butt as Mme. Thenardier (Original Broadway)

Everyone starts out so soft, and they make this song build so perfectly and balance each other out impeccably. Ruffelle’s Eponine’s “one more day all on my own” bit rises above it all, and her voice sounds so clear and powerful and good. Also did you hear that loud and long “one day more!” out of Wilkinson’s Valjean? And Les Amis’ triumphant swelling chorus? Everyone here is superhuman, I swear.

26. Building the Barricade (Upon These Stones) - Michael Ball as Marius, Kaho Shimada as Eponine Thenardier, Anthony Warlow as Enjolras, Philip Quast as Javert (International Symphonic)

It’s mistitled as “At the Barricade” but I pinky promise it’s not. Ball’s Marius sounds genuinely concerned and touchingly pissed. Shimada’s Eponine is sweet and playful, and her “little you know, little you care” has very little bite, which I’m not sure I like. What I absolutely adore, though, is the bit where she delivers Marius’ letter to Morris’ Valjean. Shimada sounds suddenly shy, and Morris seems in full adopting mode. Something about this exchange just feels incredibly sweet to me. And then when Morris reads Marius’ letter, and his little pause in the “you love me as well” part is perfection.

27. On My Own - Frances Ruffelle as Eponine Thenardier (Original Broadway)

What can I say? Ruffelle’s Eponine absolutely kills it. She has a lovely husky voice that sounds sweet and sad and angry and powerful and broken all at once. I love the way she sings “in the rain, the pavement shines like silver” and “and I know it’s only in my mind, that I’m talking to myself and not to him” and “all my life I’ve only been pretending” and of course that “a world that’s full of happiness that I have never known.” The way she builds up from sweet fantasizing to absolute anguish...and then she breathes out those last “I love him”s and she sounds like the teenager Eponine is. God. I need a moment. Or several.

28. Javert at the Barricade - Terrence Mann as Javert, I can’t find the Gavroche which enrages me to no end (Original Broadway)

Mann’s Javert isn’t as dramatic as I’d like, but I’m here for Gavroche. I do miss the Les Amis dialogue that happens in newer versions of this song, but the older version of this song, which includes a lot more of “Little People” is better in my opinion because it makes Gavroche’s death scene all the sadder. I adore this particular Gavroche’s sassiness and spunk and his powerful voice.

29. A Little Fall of Rain - Frances Ruffelle as Eponine Thenardier, Michael Ball as Marius Pontmercy (Original London)

Ruffelle’s Eponine sounds so utterly vulnerable here, but with a hint of strange almost-happiness that reminds me of the Brick’s version of her death scene. Her voice feels lighter and sweeter here than anything else, and Ruffelle’s Eponine always has a different way of singing when Marius can hear her from how she sings when he can’t, and here we feel them merging together, especially at her “hold me now and let it be, shelter me, comfort me.” And I adore Ball’s Marius softness here, especially during the duet part. His “hush-a-bye, dear Eponine” is angelic. The whole song feels so intimate with them. This is always the point where I start crying.

30. Night of Anguish - Michael Ball as Marius Pontmercy, Anthony Warlow as Enjolras, Gary Morris as Jean Valjean (International Symphonic)

Somber all-around, and everyone’s voice is good. No performer sticks out that much, to be honest. I do get chills whenever the “Drink with Me” theme comes on in the background. And when Jean Valjean comes in, the rising terror of Les Amis becomes apparent, and all their voices are strong.

31. The Attack - David Burt as Enjolras (Original London)

Again, a plot song in between the big ones, so not too much to say here, but everyone sings well.

32. Drink With Me - Aaron Tveit as Enjolras, George Bladgen as Grantaire, Eddie Redmayne as Marius Pontmercy, Daniel Huttlestone as Gavroche Thenardier (2012 movie)

Just to warn you, the sound doesn’t kick in until a few seconds in. I absolutely love this version (once the generous poster re-added Grantaire’s solo, of course). I love Tveit’s Enjolras’ weariness and gentleness at the beginning, reminiscent of Brick Enjolras who loves his friends in his fierce and quiet way. You can hear the heartbreak in his “Marius, rest.” I love how Huttlestone’s Gavroche echoes Les Amis’ lines throughout the chorus — I’ve never seen that in any of the stage productions. And God, Bladgen’s Grantaire. He is so much more earnest here than others I’ve seen, and I appreciate that he gets quiet on “can it be, you fear to die?” as if he’s past defiant anger and is already grieving. He just has a clear, lovely voice. And although it sucks that the movie cut his solo out and it had to be edited in this way, I almost like how faraway it makes this part sound, as if Grantaire is still holed up in the Corinthe with his wine, looking down at his friends, half-awake and helpless. I appreciate that Redmayne’s Marius’ lyric was changed from “Would you weep, Cosette, should Marius fall?” to “Would you weep, Cosette, if I were to fall?” because it sounds a lot more like something someone would actually say. Also, this is another clip with video, and I’m really happy with how it looks, especially the way both Enjolras and Valjean are off to the distance and the way it pans to Valjean when Marius is singing about Cosette.

33. Bring Him Home - Colm Wilkinson as Jean Valjean (10th Anniversary)

Wilkinson’s Valjean starts out so quiet, with the perfect sweet spot of vibrato. Literally all of his high notes sound perfect and still expressive! I almost don’t know what to highlight, but just listen to how he decrescendos on that “I am old, and will be gone” and the power in that “if I die, let me die” and that absolutely ethereal last “bring him home” which he holds for so so long for a note that high for a tenor. This man has the range, darlings.

34. Dawn of Anguish - Anthony Warlow as Enjolras (International Symphonic)

Warlow’s Enjolras absolute grief and tenderness is absolutely heartwrenching. The way he delivers the line “we will not abandon those who cannot hear.” And that little “Drink with Me” reprise feels like getting stabbed. Whenever they end it with “if I die, I die with you” I stop breathing for too many seconds.

35. The Second Attack/Death of Gavroche - Daniel Huttlestone as Gavroche Thenardier, Aaron Tveit as Enjolras, Hadley Fraser as the Army Officer (2012 movie)

Huttlestone’s Gavroche is amazing. You can hear that he’s in pain but not even scared as he sings in a clear, powerful voice. Fraser also killed his “you have no chance, no chance at all” and I’m honestly surprised he didn’t get cast as one of Les Amis. And, of course, Tveit’s Enjolras’ “until the Earth is free!” could have singlehandedly killed King Louis-Philippe.

36. Dog Eats Dog - Bernard Leo Burmester as M. Thenardier (Original Broadway)

Barry James’ Thenardier might be the funniest, but Burmester’s will always be the scariest. His growly tones and big dynamic changes and dramatic enunciation really make this. The breathy way he says “when the gutters run with blood” and his powerful final “the harvest moon shines down” is beyond chilling.

37. Javert’s Suicide - Philip Quast as Javert, Colm Wilkinson as Jean Valjean (10th Anniversary)

Wilkinson’s Valjean here is the angriest I’ve ever seen his portrayal of the character. There is so much pent-up bitterness in his “I knew you wouldn’t wait too long.” Quast’s Javert is wonderful, as always. In his duet part with Wilkinson, with his half-feral “I will be waiting, two-four-six-oh-one,” both of them shine. And then during his main soliloquy, when he goes from snarling, “it is either Valjean or Javert!” to sounding so soft and lost as he begins the “how can I now allow this man to hold dominion over me?” bit. And at his “by granting me my life today, this man has killed me even so,” you can hear him making his choice to jump, and it’s awful, and it’s perfect.

38. Turning - Original Broadway Cast

Oh, this song is so underrated, and these people do a particularly amazing job with it. Their voices sound so tired and worn, sometimes old and rough, sometimes young and light, and all of them heartbroken. Their “where’s that new world now the fighting’s done” and the way they sing the round section is haunting and beautiful.

39. Empty Chairs at Empty Tables - Eddie Redmayne as Marius Pontmercy (2012 movie)

I have to say, no one does this one like Eddie Redmayne. His Marius’ grief is absolutely crushing. I like how this arrangement goes super light with the instrumentals at first, and how Redmayne’s Marius starts off very soft. His “at the table in the corner” section gives me goosebumps every time, and he nails every single high note. And by the time we reach “phantom faces at the window,” he seems to be letting it out, and his “oh my friends, my friends, don’t ask me what your sacrifice was for” has me sobbing.

40. Every Day/A Heart Full of Love Reprise - Katie Hall as Cosette, Gareth Gates as Marius Pontmercy, John Owen Jones as Jean Valjean (2010)

Ah, Les Mis, killing me with the parallels once again. This version seems to go by awfully fast, but Hall’s Cosette and Gates’ Marius are properly sweet, and JOJ’s Valjean is gentle and sad and heartbreaking. All of their voices balance each other well.

41. Valjean’s Confession - Gary Morris as Jean Valjean, Michael Ball as Marius Pontmercy (International Symphonic)

I really don’t like versions that shorten this; I feel like Jean Valjean needs to be wordy here. In the Brick, he’s almost hysterical. Morris’ Valjean is so gentle, and you can hear the pleading and pain in his voice, on phrases like “she’s had enough of tears” and “to save his sister’s son” and then his voice is so powerful and despairing on “who am I?” and then when it gets soft..yeah I’m not okay. Ball’s Marius’ “it must be so” is pretty, but he doesn’t stick out that much compared to Morris’ powerhouse performance. Also, God the score playing “who am I?” in the background was just cruel. I love it.

42. The Wedding Chorale/Beggars at the Feast - Barry James as M. Thenardier, Gay Soper as Mme. Thenardier, Michael Ball as Mariius Pontmercy (International Symphonic)

James and Soper are just the right Thenardiers for the job. They are clearly having an extremely good time, and I love their sniveling and their scheming and their flamboyance. Ball’s Marius acts very well here too. I love his scoff at “do you think I don’t know who you are?” and his anger on Eponine’s behalf.

43. Finale - Colm Wilkinson as Jean Valjean, Randy Graff as Fantine, Frances Ruffelle as Eponine, David Bryant as Marius Pontmercy, Judy Kuhn as Cosette (Original Broadway)

I have no words.

[dustedmagazine]

Slept Ons: The Best Records of 2020 That We Never Got Around To

Tattoos and shorts! How did we miss the Oily Boys?

It happens pretty much every year.  After much fussing and second-guessing, the year-end list gets finalized, set in stone really, encapsulating 12 months of enthusiastic listening, and surely these are the best ten records anyone could find, right? Right?  And then, a day or a week later, someone else puts up their list or records their year-end radio show, and there it is, the record you could have loved and pushed and written about…if only you’d known about it.  My self-kick in the shins came during Joe Belock’s 2020 round-up on WFMU when he played the Chats.  Others on our staff knew, earlier on, that they weren’t writing about records they loved for whatever reason — work, family, mp3 overload, etc. Except now they are.  Here.  Now. Enjoy.  

Contributors include me (Jennifer Kelly), Eric McDowell, Jonathan Shaw, Justin Cober-Lake, Bill Meyer, Bryon Hayes, Ian Mathers, Andrew Forell, Michael Rosenstein and Patrick Masterson. 

The Chats — High Risk Behavior (Bargain Bin)

High Risk Behaviour by The Chats

Cartoonishly primitive and gleefully out of luck, The Chats hurl Molotov cocktails of punk, bright and exploding even as they come. They’re from Australia, which totally makes sense; there’s a sunny, health-care-subsidized, devil-may-care vibe to their down-on-their luck stories. Musically, the songs are stripped down like Billy Childish, sped up like the Ramones, brute simple like Eddy Current Suppression Ring. Most of them are about alcohol: drinking, being drunk, getting arrested for being drunk, eating while drunk…etc. etc. But there’s an art to singing about getting hammered, and few manage the butt-headed conviction of “Drunk & Disorderly.” Its jungle rhythms, vicious, saw-toothed bass, quick knife jabs of guitar frame an all-hands drum-shocked chant: “Relaxation, mood alteration, boredom leads to intoxication.” Later singer Eamon Sandwith cuts right to the point about romance with the couplet, “I was cautious, double wrapped, but still I got the clap.” The album’s highlights include the most belligerently glorious song ever about cyber-fraud in “Identity Theft,” whose shout along chorus buoys you up, even as the dark web drains your savings account dry. The album strings together a laundry list of dead-end, unfortunate situations, one after another truly hopeless developments, but nonetheless it explodes with joy. Bandcamp says the guitar player has already left—so you’re too late to see the Chats live—but it must have been fun while it lasted.

Jennifer Kelly

Oliver Coates — skins n slime  (RVNG Intl)

skins n slime by Oliver Coates

2020 was a year of loss, of losing, of feeling lost. Whether weathering the despair of illness and death, the discomfort of displacement or the drift of temporal reverie, English cellist Oliver Coates creates music to reflect all this and more on skins n slime. Using modulators, loops and effects, Coates employs elements from drone, shoegaze and industrial to extend the range of the cello and conjure otherworldly sounds of crushing intensity and great beauty. Beneath the layering, distortion and dissonance, the human element remains strong. The tactility of fingers and bow on strings and the expressive essence of tone form the core of Coates composition and performance. If his experiments seem a willful swipe at the restrictions of the classical world from whence he came, the visceral power of a track like “Reunification 2018”, which hunkers in the same netherworld as anything by Deathprod or Lawrence English, the liminal, static bedecked ache of “Honey” and the unadorned minimalism of “Caretaker Part 1 (Breathing)” are works of a serious talent. skins n slime is an album to sit with and soak in; allow it to percolate and permeate and you’ll find yourself forgetting the outside world, if only for a while.  

Andrew Forell  

Bertrand Denzler / Antonin Gerbal — Sbatax (Umlaut Records)

Sbatax by Denzler - Gerbal

Tenor sax player Bertrand Denzler and drummer Antonin Gerbal released this duo recording last summer which slipped under the radar of many listeners. Denzler is as likely to be heard these days composing and performing pieces by others in the French ensemble ONCEIM, playing solo, or in settings for quiet improvisation. But he’s been burning it up as a free jazz player for years now as well. Gerbal also casts a broad net, as a member of ONCEIM, deconstructing free bop in the group Peeping Tom, or recontextualizing the music of Ahmed Abdul-Malik along with Pat Thomas, Joel Grip and Seymour Wright in the group Ahmed amongst many other projects. The two have worked together in a variety of contexts for a decade now, recording a fantastic duo back in 2014. Sbatax, recorded five years later at a live performance in Berlin is a worthy follow-up.  

Gerbal attacks his kit with ferocity out of the gate, with slashing cymbals and thundering kit, cascading along with drubbing momentum. Denzler charges in with a husky, jagged, repeated motif which he loops and teases apart, matching the caterwauling vigor of his partner straightaway. Over the course of this 40-minute outing, one can hear the two lock in, coursing forward with mounting intensity. Denzler increasingly peppers his playing with trenchant blasts and rasping salvos, riding along on Gerbal’s torrential fusillades. Throughout, one can hear the two dive deep in to free jazz traditions while shaping the arc of the improvisation with an acute ear toward the overall form of the piece. Midway through, Denzler steps back for a torrid drum solo, then jumps back in with renewed dynamism as the two ride waves of commanding potency and focus to a rousing conclusion, goaded on by the cheering audience. Anyone wondering whether there is still life in the tenor/drum duo format should dig this one up.  

Michael Rosenstein

Kaelin Ellis — After Thoughts (self-released)

After Thoughts by KAELIN ELLIS

To be sure, “slept on” hardly characterizes Kaelin Ellis in 2020. After a trickle of lone tracks in the first months of the year, a Twitter video posted by the 23-year-old producer and multi-instrumentalist caught the attention of Lupe Fiasco, quickly precipitating the joint EP House. It’s a catchy story from any number of angles — the star-powered “discovery” of a young talent, the interconnectedness of the digital age, the silver linings of the COVID-19 pandemic — but it risks overshadowing Ellis’s two 2020 solo records: Moments, released in the lead-up to House, and After Thoughts, released in October. It doesn’t help that each album’s dozen tracks scarcely add up to as many minutes, or that the producer’s titles deliberately downplay the results. And some, of course, will judge these jazzy, deeply soulful beats only against their potential as platforms for some other, more extroverted artist. “I’d like to think I’m a jack of all trades,” Ellis told one interviewer, “but in all honesty my specialty is creating a space for others to stand out.”

Yet as with all small, good things, there’s reward in savoring these miniatures on their own terms, and After Thoughts in particular proved an unexpected retreat from last fall’s anxieties. Ellis has a poet’s gift for distillation and juxtaposition, a director’s knack for pathos and dramatic sequencing — powers that combine to somehow render a fully realized world. As fleeting as it is, Ellis’s work communicates a generosity of care and concentration, opening a space for others not just to stand out but also to settle in.

Eric McDowell   

Lloyd Miller with Ian Camp and Adam Michael Terry — At the Ends of the World

At the Ends of the World by Lloyd Miller with Ian Camp and Adam Michael Terry

Miller and company fuse the feel of a contemporary classical concert with eastern modalities and instrumentation. The recordings sound live off the floor, and give a welcome sense of space and detail to the sensitive playing. Miller has explored the intersection between Persian and other cultural traditions and jazz through the lens of academic scholarship and recorded output since the 1960s. With this release, the performances linger in a space where vibe is as important as compositional structure. The results revel in the beauty when seemingly unrelated musical ideas emerge together in the same moment, with startling results.

Arthur Krumins

 Oily Boys — Cro Memory Grin (Cool Death)

Cro Memory Grin by Oily Boys

The title of this 2020 LP by Australian punks Oily Boys sounds like a pun on “Cro-Magnon,” an outmoded scientific name for early humans. It’s apt: the music is smarter than knuckle-dragger beatdown or run-of-the-mill powerviolence, but still driven by a rancorous, id-bound savagery. The smarts are just perceptible enough to keep things pretty interesting. Some of the noisier, droning and semi-melodic stretches of Cro Memory Grin recall the records made by the Men (especially Leave Home) before they decided to try to make like Uncle Tupelo, or some lesser version of the Hold Steady. Oily Boys inhabit a darker sensibility, and their music is more profoundly bonkers than anything those other bands got up to. Aggro, discordant punk; flagellating hardcore burners; psych-rock-adjacent sonic exorcisms — you get it all, sometimes in a single five-minute passage of Cro Memory Grin (check out the sequence from “Lizard Scheme” to “Heat Harmony” to “Stick Him.” Yikes). A bunch of the tunes spill over into one another, feedback and sustain jumping the gap from one track to the next, which gives the record a live vibe. It feels volatile and sweaty. The ill intent and unmitigated nastiness accumulate into a palpable force, tainting the air and leaving stains on your tee shirt. Oily Boys have been kicking around Sydney’s punk scene since at least 2014, but this is their first full-length record. One hopes they can continue to play with this degree of possessed abandon without completing burning themselves to down to smoldering cinders. At least long enough to record some more music.

Jonathan Shaw

 Dougie Poole — The Freelancer's Blues (Wharf Cat)

The Freelancer's Blues by Dougie Poole

A cursory listen might misconstrue the heart of Dougie Poole's second album, The Freelancer's Blues. When he mixes his wobbly country sound with lyrics like those in “Vaping on the Job,” it sounds like genre play, a smirking look at millennial life through an urban cowboy's vintage sound. Poole does target a particular set of issues, but mapping them with his own slightly psychedelic country comes with very little of the postmodern itch. His characters feel just as troubled as anyone coming out of 1970s Nashville, and as Poole explores these lives with wit and empathy, the songs quickly find their resonance.

The album, though it wouldn't reach for pretentious terms, carries an existential problem at its center. Poole circles around the fundamental void: work deadens, relocation doesn't help, spiritual pursuits falter, intelligence burdens, and even the drugs don't help. When Poole finally gets the title track, the preceding album gives his confession extra weight, a mix of life's strictures and personal limitation combining for a crisis best avoided but wonderfully shared. The Freelancer's Blues comes rich in Nashville tradition but finds an ideal fit in its contemporary place, likely providing a soundtrack for a variety of times and spaces yet to come.

Justin Cober-Lake

 Schlippenbach Quartett — Three Nails Left (Corbett Vs. Dempsey)

You might say that this record has been slept on twice. The second recording to be released by the Alexander von Schlippenbach, Evan Parker and Paul Lovens (augmented this time by Peter Kowald) was released in 1975, and didn’t get a second pressing — on vinyl — until 2019. So, Corbett Vs. Dempsey stepped up last summer, it had never been on CD. But this writer was so stumped on how to relate how intense, startling, and unlike any other free improvisation it was and is, that he just… slept on it. Until now. Even if you know this band, if you don’t know this album, well, it’s time you got acquainted.

Bill Meyer 

Stonegrass — Stonegrass (Cosmic Range)

STONEGRASS by Stonegrass

Released on the cusp of a tentative re-opening for the city of Toronto after two months of lock-down, this slab of psychedelic funk-rock was the perfect antidote to the COVID blues when it arrived at the tail end of a Spring spent in near-isolation. The jam sessions that became Stonegrass were also a new beginning for multi-instrumentalist Matthew “Doc” Dunn and drummer Jay Anderson, who reignited a spirit of collaboration after a decade of sonic estrangement following the demise of their Spiritual Sky Blues Band project. Listening to these songs, you’d never know they spent any time apart. The tight, bottom-wagging jams on offer are evidence that these two are joined together at the third eye. Anderson’s grooves run deep, and Dunn — whether he’s traipsing along on guitar, keys or flutes — is right there with him. There’s enough fuzz here to satiate the heads, but the real treat here is the rhythmic interplay. Strap in and prepare to get down. 

Bryon Hayes 

 Bob Vylan — We Live Here EP (Venn Records)

Bob Vylan flew under the radar in 2020 successfully enough that when someone nominated them for the best of 2020 poll in Tom Ewing’s Peoples’ Pop Polls project on Twitter (each month a different year or category gets voted on in World Cup-style brackets, it’s great fun and only occasionally maddening), most of the reaction was “is that one a typo?” Nobody had that response after listening to “We Live Here” — my wife also participates in the poll, so we just play all the candidates in our apartment, and Bob Vylan was the first time both of our jaws dropped in amazement; the song got played about ten times in a row at that point. Bobby (vocals/guitar/production) and Bobbie (drums/“spiritual inspiration”) Vylan’s 18-minute EP lives up to that title track, fireball after fireball aimed directly at the corrupt, crumbling, racist state that seems utterly indifferent to human suffering unless there’s profit in it. Whether it’s the raging catharsis of the title track or the cool, precise hostility of “Lynch Your Leaders,” Bob Vylan have made something vital and essential here, that very much speaks to 2020 but sadly will stay relevant long past it.  

Ian Mathers

 Working Men’s Club — Working Men’s Club (Heavenly Recordings)

It’s been evident these past few years that I’ve retreated from music and committed myself to the slower world of books as a way of giving my mind a break from the accelerating madness outside, but I could never really leave my radio family the same way I could never really leave Dusted. Another great example why: A fellow CHIRP volunteer played “John Cooper Clarke” in a December Zoom social I actually managed to catch, and I’ve been addicted to Working Men’s Club’s debut LP from October ever since. The quartet hails from Todmodren, a market town you won’t be surprised upon listening to discover is roughly equidistant between Leeds and Manchester; the album screams Hacienda vibes in its seamless integration of post-punk signifiers and dancefloor style. It’s easy to bandy about names from Rip It Up and Start Again or even The Velvet Underground in 12-minute closer “Angel,” certainly one of the most arresting tracks of the year, but the thing that struck me immediately is that this was the record I’d always anticipated but never got from Factory Floor — smart, aloof and occasionally calculated, yet still fun enough to play for any crowd itching to move. Until the community of a dance party or Working Men’s Club live set is once again possible, patience and a fully formed first album will have to suffice. You’ll have to imagine the part where I corner you at the party to rave about it, I’m afraid.

Patrick Masterson

[anti-pasto]

for the 200 ask thingy, i actually dare you to do all of them. :D

delgaskarthalexhere we go, anon: 

200: My crush’s name is: I don’t have one right now, I don’t get them often (if I ever had a crush at all)

199: I was born in: 2003

198: I am really: A 2005 emo kid x a 2008 scene kid x a 2014 tumblr fangirl x Kyle himself

 197: My cellphone company is: Apple

194: My ring size is: Honestly? No idea. Propose to me with a sword.

 193: My height is: Somewhere between 5′7″ and 5′8″

192: I am allergic to: Nothing I’m aware of 

191: My 1st car was:  94 Station Wagon, by request

190: My 1st job was: being this funny is a full-time gig

 189: Last book you read: Bone Gap by Laura Ruby

188: My bed is: “made”

187: My pet: I have a cat, I love her very much and I will show her to you if you dm me a cursed image

186: My best friend: We don’t use “best friend” for personal reasons, but they’ve been with me since I was 5 so, my one and only Bro

185: My favorite shampoo is: anything with “silky smooth” or “strawberries” on the bottle. i’m not that picky anymore.

184: Xbox or ps3: xbox or ps4  xbox

183: Piggy banks are: really useful

 182: In my pockets: wallet, keys, phone, earbuds, black pen/pencil, earplugs, mini flashlight

 181: On my calendar:  i’m meeting a friend for smoothies tomorrow

 180: Marriage is: something we shouldn’t push so much onto people. it’s a declaration of love, not an end-all fix-all to your life. i can’t ever see myself getting married but who knows!

 179: Spongebob can: continue to be a relevant meme

178: My mom: i mean. we function. i can’t really complain about my family at large but i am defiantly looking forward to living literally as far away from them as i can. 

 177: The last three songs I bought were? psh, you think i pay for music? (folie a deux, lake effect kid, believers never die volume two) (those are albums but its okay)

176: Last YouTube video watched: I watched Markiplier play Uno

175: How many cousins do you have? 11? 12? I lost count

174: Do you have any siblings? I have a brother

 173: Are your parents divorced? Nope!

172: Are you taller than your mom? Yes, I have been for a while

171: Do you play an instrument? dude HECK yeah! i vibe on piano, guitar, ukulele, clarinet, and im a drum major

170: What did you do yesterday? I went on a drive by myself.

 [ I Believe In ] 

169: Love at first sight: Nope.

168: Luck: Yes, but luck is something that can be engineered

167: Fate: To an extent

 166: Yourself: I’d say overall, yeah. I still have doubts tho

165: Aliens: Mmmmmm yeah

 164: Heaven: Yes

163: Hell: Yes

162: God: Yeup

 161: Horoscopes: without an ounce of truth, they would have died a long time ago

160: Soul mates: the greeks had seven words for love. i think we have multiple soul mates to fit each of those categories. there are definitely people we’re just meant to vibe with

159: Ghosts: i want to say yes but i really dont know

158: Gay Marriage: yes. its 2020. grow up.

157: War: in theory? no. war is kinda messed up. in reality? not everyone is going to be down to nice diplomatic conflict resolution, and not everyone is just gonna leave people *countries* they don’t like alone, so...

156: Orbs: ??? energies are real

155: Magic: vibes are real

 [ This or That ]

 154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs

153: Drunk or High: i am a child of jesus

152: Phone or Online: online

 151: Red heads or Black haired:  irdc but black hair bc i am Emo

150: Blondes or Brunettes: blonde?? ig?? easier to dye

149: Hot or cold: hot weather + cold rooms

148: Summer or winter: summer

147: Autumn or Spring: autum (screw spring)

 146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla

145: Night or Day: night

 144: Oranges or Apples: oranges (better to share with homies)

 143: Curly or Straight hair: i dont care but curly

 142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcdonald give iced coffee

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: dark chocolate

 140: Mac or PC: pc for vidgya gaemes

139: Flip flops or high heals: ...converse. please. i cant walk properly in either of those

 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor 

 137: Coke or Pepsi: pepsi

136: Hillary or Obama: this is kinda outdated but obama

135: Burried or cremated: cremated i aint watch spn for nothin

134: Singing or Dancing: singing. at least that gets better with practice

133: Coach or Chanel: chanel (thank u mr frank ocean and also the neighborhood)

 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: whomst

 131: Small town or Big city: big city and if you say small town you’ve never lived in a small town

 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target

 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: who tf is this

 128: Manicure or Pedicure: idk dude probably pedicure i don’t like people touching my hands and i use them for too much to get my nails done

127: East Coast or West Coast: hnngggggggg west coast has more to do but east coast has better beaches and 

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: birthday 

125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate bc then i can give u some

124: Disney or Six Flags: ive only been to disney so disney (though i AM a HARDCORE rollercoaster stan so it wouldnt take much for me to say six flags)

123: Yankees or Red Sox: what 

 [ Here’s What I Think About ]

 122: War: unfortunately sometimes necessary but not as a first resort i went over this already 

 121: George Bush: is that the shoe guy?

 120: Gay Marriage:  be gay. do crime. kiss wife. or husband. or partner. basically, hell yeah

119: The presidential election: america need 2 b single and focus on herself

 118: Abortion: pro-choice and that choice should be made by the one carrying the baby

117: MySpace: tumblr’s dad

116: Reality TV: don’t talk to about abt this

 115: Parents: disgusting. go to therapy. 

114: Back stabbers: if you’re gonna stab me in the back, pull my lungs through my ribcage bc that’s what my ancestor’s ghosts are gonna do to you (thanks great (x a few times) grandma viking ily thanks for the hair:) )

113: Ebay: good for merch and selling books

 112: Facebook: zuck my dick, data-theif

111: Work: i like doing work? like- i enjoy completing tasks and seeing my hard work pay off? it’s not that bad?

110: My Neighbors: old. boring. want me to babysit for free.

109: Gas Prices: i cant really complain rn they’re kinda low and im a little broke so

108: Designer Clothes: i vibe to them, honestly

 107: College: not for everyone but definitely for me

106: Sports: marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport but only technically speaking though you can make fair comparisons to sports such as cheer, and gymnastics where the idea is to put on a show and receive a score in the form of competition. 

 105: My family: disgusting

104: The future: the future doesn’t exist

 [ Last time I ] 

103: Hugged someone: god, don’t ask me this

 102: Last time you ate: uhhh like 9 hours ago? it was dinner and i had pizza

 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: three or four weeks ago by best bro came to visit and we vibed

100: Cried in front of someone: i finished twist and shout at school at the end of a very bad week. it was only a few tears but that’s as close as i get to crying

99: Went to a movie theater: whenever the last star wars movie came out

98: Took a vacation: last year i went to dc over summer break to see the Smithsonian, it was a lot of fun. i was supposed to go to altanta and florida this year but that didn’t happen for reasons

 97: Swam in a pool: last week

 96: Changed a diaper: never

 95: Got my nails done: never

 94: Went to a wedding: its been at least 6 years dude

93: Broke a bone: never, somehow

 92: Got a peircing: nope

91: Broke the law: technically, yesterday. 55 is too slow

90: Texted: just now

 [ MISC ] 

89: Who makes you laugh the most: the person in my snap named “junior”

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cat

87: The last movie I saw: probably into the spiderverse

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: things going back to normal. or somewhat normal. i need school to have a schedule bc i absolutely cannot force myself to function without outside influence

 85: The thing im not looking forward to: ironically, school in the fall. the way we’re going back is going to wreck me more than lockdown already has

 84: People call me: i only ft one of my bros and they know who tf they are if you ask to ft you’re getting fuckin blocked mate i dont do that shit video calls are for WORK and SCHOOL thats IT. but ppl call me by my nickname irl, i go by screech on here. 

83: The most difficult thing to do is: listen to my parent’s political opinions? live in a small town? force myself to be productive without a physical influence and reminder? put up with that one dude?

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

 81: My zodiac sign is: scoprio/leo/gemini

80: The first person i talked to today was: the potential bassist for our potential band? 

79: First time you had a crush: uhh im still not sure if it was a crush but i wanted them to myself and they wanted (and got) someone better. we were just friends so it doesn’t really matter

 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: the person on snap named “the great oracle”

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday, it was my brother

 76: Right now I am talking to: in order of snap names, “vibin ~[^.^]~”, “russian umbrella”, and “mom” (not really)

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: hopefully, a job that makes me happy

74: I have/will get a job: as soon as i know what’s going on with school. but like as an adult? wherever will hire me and pay my fairly. being a barista would be fun, but at a local place (not in my current town)

73: Tomorrow: ???? time for bad poetry: tomorrow i will see my friend/ admist this lasting chaos/ we will be each other’s solitude/ while sharing fruity drinks/ and when we both come home/ a smile we will bring

72: Today: idk what this means so more poetry: today i will be sleep deprived as always/ i will think of them and weep/ but no tears will fall from my eyes/ for i know there is a reason/ we went our own way

 71: Next Summer: i fr dont know whats goin on so: next summer i will be/ as happy as can be/ because i will be in pain no longer/ the earth is sure to heal/ and i will heal with her/ so i can enjoy/ the heatwave of next summer

70: Next Weekend: next weekend i will spend/ my days wasting away/ maybe ill finish hannibal/ again/ not that serial killers make the dopamine stay/ i will not see my friends/ or talk to my family/ i will seldom eat/ and live off coffee/ this has been my life/ all quarintine/ god someone please help me

 69: I have these pets: i have four cats, three chickens, and a dog

 68: The worst sound in the world: my dad and grandpa talking

 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Them

 66: People that make you happy: snap name time: the great oracle, junior, vibin ~[^.^]~, russian umbrella, mom, hero, booby-king 48, go to bed, son, pooper trooper, mac&cheese, plain egg biscuit, apple pie

 65: Last time I cried: i dont cry bitch (last week over officals that cant make up they gottdamned mindes)

64: My friends are: my family and i would die for each and all of them

 63: My computer is: an old hp but it play gaemes real good so it okie

 62: My School: is trash but the band pops off

61: My Car: old, fast, clean

60: I lose all respect for people who: are my dad

 59: The movie I cried at was: i cried over big hero six

 58: Your hair color is: blonde

57: TV shows you watch: supernatural, good omens, hannibal, parks and rec

56: Favorite web site: this hellsite or youtube

 55: Your dream vacation: out of the country with beautiful beaches, amazing food, and my best friend

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: the time i split the back of my head open, the time i split my chin open, and the time my then best friend said they didn’t want to talk to me anymore. i’ll let you guess which one hurt the most and which one i think about every fucking day

53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium or medium well. 

52: My room is: clean and a reflection of myself, or so i’ve been told

51: My favorite celebrity is: i do not engage in celebrity worship. ill follow them and reblog gifs/interviews but i dont really have a favorite. the less i know abt them the better.

 50: Where would you like to be: my own apartment in nyc

49: Do you want children: FUCK THEM KIDS BRO

 48: Ever been in love: i dont know if it was love. i dont know if it was a crush. what i do know id that i was attached and they didn’t feel the same, and why would they?

 47: Who’s your best friend: we dont really use best friend bc but “the great oracle” “junior” and “vibin ~[^.^]~”

46: More guy friends or girl friends: its 50/50

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: goin fast, the beach, playin video games

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: them

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: go to college, earn degree

 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: commit arson

 41: Have you pre-named your children: FUCK. THEM. KIDS. BRO.

40: Last person I got mad at: they do not understand that they do not know everything about something they’re not even involved in yet

39: I would like to move to: new zealand

38: I wish I was a professional: artist? musican? youtuber? who knows

 [ My Favorites ] 

37: Candy: nerds

36: Vehicle: 1970 mustang gt

 35: President: jfk only bc his assassination is the only good thing abt american history the rest of it is fucked up and shouldn’t have happened. also jfk’s song in assassians the musical goes hard

34: State visited: california

 33: Cellphone provider: verizon? apple? idfk

32: Athlete: what is sport

31: Actor: i don't watch shows or movies

30: Actress: i do not consume media

29: Singer: alex gaskarth or alexander deleon

 28: Band: fall out boy 

 27: Clothing store: hot topic (i will not apologize)

 26: Grocery store: okay harris teeter fucks but lidil’s has aloe vera juice and target at 9 pm energy so idk man 

25: TV show: supernatural...

24: Movie: big hero 6

 23: Website: tumblr or youtube

 22: Animal: snow leopard 

 21: Theme park: busch gardens bc roller coaster go fast

20: Holiday: christmas

19: Sport to watch: snowboarding bc its like skateboarding but on snow

18: Sport to play: anything with havy footwork (marching band is a sport)

17: Magazine: i do not condume media

16: Book: the ranger’s apprentice series as a whole makes up my all-time one favorite book

 15: Day of the week: friday bc its game day baybey

14: Beach: cocoa beach in florida but also i have so much left to experience 

13: Concert attended: i havent been to any notable gigs but i was supposed to go to hella mega

 12: Thing to cook: pancakes

11: Food: pizza or shushi

 10: Restaurant: chiplote

 9: Radio station: i like my local rock station and my local edm/top 40 station

8: Yankee candle scent: anything smoky or vanilla idc

7: Perfume: chanel no. 5 if i even wear it

6: Flower: Hydrangea

5: Color: orange

 4: Talk show host: cecil palmer

 3: Comedian: john maulaney

 2: Dog breed: yes

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? ;)

That was a trip. But it was fun, please do things like this more often. Also, I don’t consume media by choice. I’m not sheltered I just can’t be bothered, and I have enough going on. That being said I will now be sleeping. Thanks again, Anon, I hope you have fun reading this :D

[benzbantz]

Best 100 Songs of the decade!

As a new decade will be upon us shortly (the 20’s) I wanted to share some of my favourite tracks from the last 10 years. I’m a pop and rap guy mostly so that’s what you can mostly expect but hopefully a few surprises along the way. I’ll post 100 songs I really loved (in no particular order) then my top 25 absolute favourites at the end. Ok here we go

~Bad Romance - Lady Gaga

To limit myself to just one GaGa track is cruel and not easy, Edge of Glory and Born this Way are both anthems and technically this came out last moment 2009 ..but didn’t pop until 2010. A classic that makes it to most my playlists.

~Airplanes- B.O.B ft Hayley Williams (A classic no need to say more.)

~Love the Way you Lie - Eminem ft Rihanna

A absolutely brutal tune about a toxic relationship full of of lies and abuse, the powerful video really sells the tone of the song.

~Rescue Me - Skepta

Used to love Grime but gone off it for a while now. I wouldn’t call this an outright grime track but Skepta def brings the gritty uk rap scene on this one.

~Forget you ~ Ceeloo Green

Thou I prefer the Gnarls Barkley music style, this is still a awesome tune. Always fun to tell someone to do one in a sing song melody.

~Written in the Stars- Tinie Tempah ft Eric Turner

Used to love me some TT, this was a real catchy banger with great chorus by Eric Turner.

~Raise your glass - Pink (Not much to say, a pop classic)

~I need a Dr - Eminem, ft Dr Dre and Skylar Grey

This is such a underrated song. You have to really know your Dre and Em history to catch everything being said (which I won’t go into here) Brilliant tune and my fave they both worked on together that decade.

~Animal- Neon Trees

Really catchy little number that I enjoyed from first hearing.

~Look at me now - Chris Brown ft Lil Wayne and Busta Rhymes

Busta Rhymes rap, that is all!

~Moves like Jagger - Maroon 5, Christina Aguilera

A great sing a long featuring two artists I’m not mad about really so a surprise like from me.

~ In the heat of the moment - Noah Gallagher’s High Flying Birds

What a tune, completely missed this first time around heard on a tv show recently checked it was this decade and then added it right on the list. Banger.

~Summertime Sadness AND ~Love - Lana Del Ray

2 for 1. When Summertime Sadness came out I was mesmerised by Lana’s voice had never heard anything like it before. Safe to say she is my artist of the decade but haven’t raided this count down with all her music. A couple here and a couple of my absolute faves in my ultimate top 25. Love was very heard to keep out of my top 25.

~Stronger (What doesn’t kill you) - Kelly Clarkson

Come on now, if you haven’t belted this one out the top of your lungs at least once I don’t know what you’ve been doing the last ten years.

~Somebody that I used to know - Goyte ft Kimbra

Went thru moments of really liking this song then it really irritating me (played on radio A LOT), thankfully years later the hype has died so I can appreciate it once more.

Midnight City- M83

This is not really my sort of music at all ,so much so I’m not even sure how to describe it. Has a 80’s feel which I love. Just love the infusion of synths and instrumental. Plus the singer has a very calm melodic voice. Great track.

~T.H.E - Will.I.Am ft Mick Jagger and Jennifer Lopez

Absolutely love this song so catchy very Fergie era BEP sounding, with a great guest solo from Mick Jagger.

~212 - Azealia Banks (not much to add on this, banger!)

~Too Close - Alex Close

If you don’t recognise this song from title you will once you hear it, such a forgotten gem.

~Picking up the Pieces - Paloma Faith

Another unique voice that def makes my top ten newly discovered artists this decade is Paloma Faith, her cover of Mama Cass’s Make your own kind of music also deserves a strong mention. Also not related to the music but Paloma is mad as a box of frogs in real life which I love.

~Bangarang- Skrillex

Yeah you’re not leaving alive from this post without a Skrillex nod I’m afraid, not a big dubstep fan but jumped aboard the band wagon when it was big for five minutes, this songs only thing that made it back with me thou.

~Hall of Fame - The Script ft Will.I.Am

First let’s clear this up I’m not a massive Will.I.Am fan or anything, he was just in EVERYTHING for the first few years of the 10’s. It’s a great song regardless.

~Harder then You think - Public Enemy (What a track, can’t say much more, banger.)

~Locked out of Heaven- Bruno Mars

Bruno Mars had some amazing tracks his debut album Doo Wops and Hooligans featured some brilliant tunes which sadly I just didn’t have space for in this countdown, Grenade, lazy song , Just the way you are, but I’m showing some love to Unorthodox Jukebox here and it’s best track giving Bruno Mars a edgier new vibe.

~Chocolate- 1975

Not my sort of music usually but really enjoyed this laid back rock number,

~Get Lucky - Daft Punk ft Pharrell Williams

Disco is back! Or is was in 2013 when this tune came out, one of the biggest selling singles worldwide in the 2010’s so not much more detail needed on its inclusion.

~Let her Go- Passenger

Nice little number, always liked this one, never really got into there other stuff but had to give this a shout out.

~Can’t hold us - Macklemore ft Ryan Lewis

The Heist is one of my fave albums from the last decade features some great tracks, same love and Thrift Shop get a shout out but this track was my fave, uplifting and full of energy.

~La La La - Naughty Boy feat Sam Smith

This was Sam Smith’s big feature hit before they became the successful solo artist they are now. Great track very different to the music Sam does now.

~Work Bitch - Britney Spears

Don’t roll your eyes! This is a banger, now get to work bitch!

~Rap God - Eminem

For Eminem’s big solo feature on this countdown it was between this, The Ringer or Not afraid. You may of guessed I’m a Eminem fan and have tried to keep his entries down but one does not simply do a music countdown and not include Rap God.

~Of the Night - Bastille

Really like this band they have some great hits, Pompeii is another great song of theirs that I didn’t have space to include. I went for this eerie cover version of the Corona 90’s dance classic as my pick.

~Wrecking Ball - Miley Cyrus (Leave me alone it’s a good song ok 😂)

~Riptide- Vance Joy

A little hidden gem I’d forgotten about until I put this list together.

~Who did that to you? - John Legend

Was going to obviously include All of me in this spot but then I remembered this absolute hit from Django unchained which sneaks in and takes the spot. Both great songs thou.

~Nobody to Love - Sigma (Great little dance track not much to add)

~ When the Party’s Over - Billy Eilish

Yes I’m a 35 year old Billy Eilish fan ok leave me alone lol. Seriously thou this girl is super talented and she’s up there in my fave artists of the decade. There will be more of her in my top 25 but this haunting track deserves a mention.

~Turn down for What - DJ Snake ft Lil Jon

It’s Lil Jon yelling really load of course it’s a banger. Also worth mentioning Ice T did a awesome Rap rock version of this song and it’s amazing!

~Problem- Ariana Grane ft Iggy Azalea

Those saxophone’s thou! Groovy little number no explanation needed.

~Chandelier- Sia

Such a power anthem, I came out as trans in 2014 so this song holds a lot of personal meaning with me but regardless is a great song anyway.

~Thinking Out Load - Ed Sheeran

I’m not the biggest Ed Sheeran fan ,take him or most often leave him ,but did like this sweet ballad. Nothing against his voice it’s his songs that don’t often do it for me but this was great.

~Good Kisser- Usher

Never been huge Usher fan ,liked his earlier stuff, confessions and all that. This was a surprise jazzy bluesy type number thou that I really enjoyed.

~Rude- Magic (A catchy sing along tune)

~Zombie - Jamie T

This guy was one of my fave artists of the 00’s, and thou his newest stuff imo doesn’t compare to his older this was still a tune.

~I - Kendrick Lemar

This is actually best when played after the song ‘U’ , the latter being a self hating song ‘loving you Is complicated’ vs I’s ‘I love myself’ different ends of the spectrum I just included ‘I’as you can enjoy that one on its own but to get the best out of that track I highly recommend listening to U first.

~See you again- Wiz Khalifa ft Charlie Puth

A sad song given it’s a tribute to Paul Walker who died in a car accident. Was overplayed a lot at the time but stands strong several years later.

~Dark Times - The Weeked an Ed Sheeran

What a track, their voices mesh perfectly together in this somber number.

~ Trouble - Iggy Azalea ft Jennifer Hudson (Banger)

~Hotline Bling - Drake

So many Drake songs I could of included, (he will appear again in the top 25) gods plan, headlines, in my feelings, nice for what, all absolutely great tracks but I had to go for my personal fave out of the bunch.

~You don’t own me - Grace ft G-Easy

This may be an odd one to some but I’ve always loved the original by Lesley Gore and this is a amazing cover. Grace has a lovely voice (and there is a non rap version if you’re so inclined) Love a good cover version and this is a awesome cover version.

~Side to Side - Ariana Grande ft Nicki Minaj

Hmm guess I’m a Ariana Grande fan, who knew. A cheeky little number and the first appearance in this countdown of a certain fave rapper of mine.

~Panda - Desiigner (another one where there’s not much I need to add, great tune)

~Dancing on my own - Robyn OR Callum Scott

Take your pick the Robyn original or the Callum Scott cover version, both stand alone great tracks, the original more a melancholy dance track the cover a somber ballad. Both brilliant.

~Alarm - Anne-Marie

A nice little pop tune, really like her voice

~Rockabye- Clean Bandit ft Anne-Marie and Sean Paul

Speaking of Anne-Marie, another great pop track. Super catchy sing along. Sean Paul can be hit or miss for me but works well with this track.

~Human - Rag N Bone Man

This is another one there’s not much I can add this guy’s voice is amazing. Brilliant song particularly love the chains you can hear rattling throughout (reminds me of Johnny Cash’s ‘Ain’t no grave’)

~Black Beatles - Rae Stremmurd ft Gucci Mane

Yep that’s some mumble rap to add to the list (told you my music taste was varied) As a whole I don’t love mumble rap but there’s some stand out tracks including this one.

~Thunder- Imagine Dragons

One of my favourite bands from the last decade, like most there stuff. This song has a great song along chorus. Really catchy track.

~New Rules And IDGAF - Dua Lipa

Honestly couldn’t pick from the two really like them both equally. So you get a double. Catchy pop tracks.

~Sorry not Sorry - Demi Lovato

It was between this or Sober (another great Demi track) but ultimately went with the more upbeat pop number.

~Havana - Camila Cabelllo ft Young Thug (A nice chilled Latino style track.)

~Perfect - Ed Sheeran

A beautiful song by Ed Sheeran,other then ‘sing’ and the previous mentions I’m not really into his stuff but this is lovely track.

~Feel it Still - Portugal the Man

Really catchy song can’t help but tap your toes along to it.

~False Alarm- The Weekend

This was something different from the Weekend, really enjoy this song, Weekend is one of my other fave artists to come out the 2010’s.

~Sanctify — Years and years

Wasn’t keen on there earlier dance stuff but when they found there sound I really enjoyed them.

~This is America- Childish Gambino

Great as this song is you really need to watch the music video as well for the song to have its full impact. Love Childish Gambino could of put several of his songs in this list, excited for future music from this guy.

~Solo - Clean Bandit ft Demi Lovato

A cheeky little pop number you can’t help but sing along to.

~Shotgun - George Ezra

One of those artists I can’t decide if I’m into or not, like one song then not keen on the next, it’s strange, but no denying this is a great song.

~Lucid Dreams - Juice WRLD (RIP)

First off Rest in peace Juice, recently died at 21, very sad. The guy was super talented and was looking forward to his future stuff. Could of picked a few tracks but this was the first song I heard of his so that’s got to be my shout out.

~Only You - Cheat Codes ft Little Mix

Although I don’t mind Little Mix this is there only entry on my list. A nice catchy sing along with a dance beat.

~Lost Without You - Freya Ridings

This almost made it into my top 25, just couldn’t find a space for it. Haunting, melodic song with Freya’s stunning vocals. Don’t play this one after a break up or a death.

~Nothing Breaks like a heart- Mark Ronson ft Miley Cyrus

~Someone you loved - Lewis Capaldi

Think this guys going to be another Ed Sheeran for me, meh most the time with the occasional great song. This one no exception.

~Shut Down - Skepta

With lyrics like ‘Ring ring pussy, it’s shut down’ how can it not be a banger 😂 Not the best song in the world I admit but good fun.

~As we enter- Nas and Damian Marley

Words can’t express how much Iove this track, such a hidden gem. A reggae- rap blend of uplifting brilliance. Great gym playlist track.

~Better Now - Post Malone

Another artist I enjoy on occasion. This is my favourite of Malone’s songs so far.

~Bad at Love - Halsey (another great pop track)

~Bitch Don’t kill my vibe- Kendrick Lamar

Could of picked a number of Kendrick tracks King Kunta, DNA, M.a.a.a.d City, If these walls could talk, just to name a few but I’ll go with the first Kendrick track I heard and loved.

~Heartbeat - Childish Gambino

So gutted I couldn’t find a spot for this banger in my 25 but I had to include it on its own. Unless you’re a CG fan it’s unlikely you’ve heard it. Highly recommended a listen. I can’t even really describe it.

~No role Models- J. Cole

A anthem with a similar feel to Keep your head up by 2pac, a sad song somewhat but with a more upbeat tempo. My personal fave J. Cole song.

~Power - Kanye West

Wow our first Kanye track. I like Kanye ,prefer his older stuff. My dark twisted fantasy was the last album of his I really liked. This was a absolute monster of a tune. Also really liked the song Runaway from the same album. Both have great intros.

~Antidote- Travis Scott

~ No Sleep- Wiz Khalifa

Super catchy song, very anthem sounding.

~Young, Wild and Free - Snoop Dogg, Wiz Khalifa and Bruno Mars

Another catchy tune, powerhouse of a team up.

~Rack City - Tyga

~ Romans Revenge- Nicki Minaj ft Eminem

Absolute banger double up from the king and queen of rap. Also a version she did with Lil Wayne which was very good but the Eminem version wins for me. Also will take the opportunity to give the Lil Wayne and Nicki song ‘knockout’ a shoutout.

~Blazin’- Nicki Minaj ft Kanye west

Another great Nicki Minaj track of the brilliant Pink Friday album. I know some of her more recent stuff hasn’t been great but she came out the gates strong in 2010.

~Pound The Alarm - Nicki Minaj

Last Nicki Minaj track I promise, could of picked this or starships as love them both equally.

~Trap Queen- Fetty Wap

Can’t lie this is something I never thought I’d like but the more I heard it the more I liked it.

~Ultimate- Denzel Curry

Yes the Vine meme song. Banger.

~Bad and Boujee - Migos

Yes more mumble rap, I’m not even sorry

~I’m not racist - Joyner Lucas

Wow maybe the most powerful song on this whole list. Nothing I explain can do it justice you have to give it a listen yourself (with the video)

~Cry Little Sister - Marilyn Manson

Boom, rap to rock just like that. I love Marilyn Manson covers, in the 00’s it was Tainted Love but this time around its this classic from The Lost Boys soundtrack. Creepy song but kinda perfect for Manson.

~Faster- Within Temptation

~End of Time - Beyoncé

Have to include some Beyoncé before this ends it’s the law. This was my favourite of hers.

~ Rumour has it - Adele

Not the biggest Adele fan but she has a few songs I enjoy, set fire to the rain and someone like you also good songs.

~Ugly Boy - Die Anwoord

Yep he’s a Die Antwoord fan 😆 I have no excuses, DA are one of my fave bands. Zef to death.

- Surf - Tommy Cash

Absolutely stupid lyrics but hilarious (need to watch the video also) it’s actually a good song with a awesome beat.

~Bang Bang Bang - Big Bang

To close the top 100 greatest songs of the decade out , some J-pop, I’m not a expert on Jpop I like a couple of artists and a few songs but had to close out with this... bang bang banger!

So here we go top 25 of my absolute faves from the 2010’s. (in no particular order)

~Radioactive- Image Dragons

This song featured in a Assassins creed game trailer (I forget which game) and I searched for it straight away, found it, fell in love, the rest is history. Great beat and vocals.

~Game Over - Tinchy Stryder, Tinie Tempah, Professor Green, Giggs, Devlin, Example, Chip

Wow with that line up it was always going to be a banger. This might be my fave beat ever! Such a tune featuring Rap and grime mvp’s from the UK.

~Gods and Monsters- Lana Del Ray

I know I said in no order but this might be my very favourite song from the last ten years. It’s not even regarded as Lana’s best but I just love everything about it, lyrics, melody and vocals. Perfect song.

~Born to Die - Lana Del Ray

Another melodic masterpiece from Lana Del Ray.

~Bad Girls - M.I.A

Yeah I’m a dude it’s weird this song gets me pumped seriously thou such a catchy song.

~In Paris - Kanye West and Jay -Z

Not much needs to be said, absolute classic.

~Over - Drake

Drake at his best imo, great beat, delivery and lyrics. My fave Drake song.

~Black Skin Head - Kanye West

Powerful song with a amazing beat, powerful lyrics, great gym song to get you pumped.

~Sail - AWOL Nation

You might have guessed by now I like a catchy sing along song with a pumping beat and somber tone. Check.

~Only love can hurt like this - Paloma Faith

Her voice in this is something else. I said it before Paloma Faith is so underrated.

~Bang Bang - Jessie J, Ariana Grande, Nicki Minaj

Not to be mistaken for Bang bang bang by big bang featured earlier. Great pop hit.

~Take me to church- Hozier

Powerful song and video.

~Humble- Kendrick Lemar

Banger, not much else I can say.

~Uptown Funk — Bruno Mars

Can’t go wrong with this one, great hit.

~Can’t feel my face- The Weekend

Like most of the stuff this guy brings out, this awesome hit just tops that list.

~Redbone- Childish Gambino

Ok sorry Lana Del Ray but I retract your number one spot for this one. Thought it was Macy Grey or the Delfonics singing when I first heard it then discovered who it was. This has a 70’s soul feel. It’s hard to explain ,if you’ve never heard it give it a listen I’m sure you’ll love it.

~Bad Guy - Billy Eilish

Such a catchy tune, the song that introduced me to her music. Great little dance/pop hit. Fun and a bit freaky. Duh!

~Bury a Friend- Billy Eilish

The way Billy Eilish’s mind works amazes me, how she sees the lyrics, the music and video all as one package. She’s extremely talented and look forward to her taking up most the spots on my 2020’s best of list.

~I miss the misery- Halestorm

Great rock hit, has a very 80’s feel. Lead singer has a amazing voice.

~Sweet but Psycho - Ava Max

Maybe my favourite pure manufactured pop hit of the decade, any female pop star could churn this out and it would do well. Hate to love it.

~Homicide - Logic feat Eminem

If you don’t like rap you won’t get it, if you do, you know where I’m at.

~Stronger then Ever - Raleigh Ritchie

Otherwise known as Grey Worm in Game of Thrones, this guy can hold a tune. Great uplifting track.

~Speedom- Tech N9nne, Eminem

Another great Eminem feature hit. Absolute masterpiece of a record.

~I need - Maverick Sabre

Nice somber melodic song, this guys super talented.

~Cookie Thumper - Die Antwoord

The South African rap rave group strikes again, this one is pretty much a Yolande solo, the beat is insane and thou half of it is in said/sung in Africans it’s still my fave DA song.

~Monster- Kanye West, Jay Z, Nicki Minaj, Rick Ross, Bon Ivor

The title of this track doesn’t lie, beast of a track, arguably Nicki Minaj’s best guest verse ever (‘Where them girls at’ deserves a mention for sure) It’s in all my rap playlists, amazing song.

If you took the time to have a gander at my random countdown then I thank you, I fully expect you not to agree with everything, hopefully something you enjoy musically was mentioned I did my best to spread the genres as much as I enjoyed them. More music and other countdowns to come.

[yaachtynoboat711]

Fonder Ch. 4

A/N: Aight so boom: I hope y’all are enjoying this series so far. It’s definitely pushing me out of my fluffy comfort zone. Thanks to everyone who I’ve annoyed had be my third pair of eyes and offered suggestions for these chapters. I appreciate y’all big time. Also, I apologize for the two-week gap between the chapters. I just started school after a semester break, so I’m trying to get adjusted and find my rhythm. Thanks in advance for being patient!

Word Count: ~2.9K (a hair lengthy)

Warning(s): Angst, slow burn, plot progression

Thursday, October 23, 2014, 2:19 p.m., Elements Natural Hair Boutique, Los Angeles

Since she was finally finished with the nearly four month long legal project, Yaa now had a little over a week left in sunny California to do whatever she wanted. Tonight was her self-appointed reward for knocking the project out of the park and earning more clients. The Los Angeles chapter of the Black Yale Alumni Association was hosting their annual fundraising gala. All the BYAA chapters hosted their events the same weekend, the Connecticut event being the flagship event. Around this time last year, Yaa was preparing her ensemble for the Black Ball, totally oblivious to the fact that she would meet her soulmate at the Ball. What a difference a year makes.

“So, who are you taking as your plus one tonight?”, her loctician Nadia inquired as she intricately palm-rolled Yaa’s copper hued locs.

“Matt.”, Yaa announced giving a smirk as she kept reading the latest issue of Essence Magazine. Nadia’s eyebrows went up as she smirked.

“Damn hussy. Speaking of exes, how’s it going with you and Island Boy?”

“Things are getting...better.”

Since her breakdown, Khalida had seen a therapist. Her therapist recommended that for her sake,it’d be best to talk to Winston and try to establish a sturdy friendship. They planned to meet the afternoon after the Yale gala.

“Word? I’m happy for you, sis. Even more, you deserve someone in your life. Shit, you got the personality, smarts, and the looks to have niggas running over each other to get to you.”

Yaa spent the time under the dryer to think about what her loctician said. Her deep thoughts were interrupted with an incoming FaceTime call from Matt.

“Hey, lil ugly.”, Matt playfully chided.

“Well, if it isn’t the NECKS big thing in football. What’s good?”, Yaa snapped back. Matt’s jaw dropped when he finally processed her insult.

“Damn, fuck you, Khay. Anyways, I called to see where we would get ready at? My house or yours?” She almost didn’t hear the last question because she was snickering so.

“Well, according to the GPS, it’s in Calabasas, so I’ll be coming to you. My makeup cases are in the car now and I’m picking my dress up on the way.”

Matt shook his head, “Say less, ma. You getting those serpents tamed for the gala, I see.” He thought that the funniest thing in the world. Before he could say anything else, she hung up. I ain’t got time for his no-neck having ass.

5:00 p.m., Calabasas, California, Matt’s House

Yaa was welcomed into Matt’s spacious mansion with the sounds of hip-hop bouncing off the walls and an excited Matt embracing her.

“You look like you getting ready to fight somebody.”, Matt commented as he took the garment bag from his ex-girlfriend’s arms. She wore her smaller black bonnet, along with a Tuskegee shirt, black yoga capris, and Birkenstock’s.

“And you look like you can’t change a goddamn pillowcase. I keep telling you to leave well enough alone, Griffith.”, she replied as she gave him the “Who gon check me, boo?” look. He shook his head as he led her upstairs to his bathroom.

——

The lion-like revving of Matt’s Karma Revero engine could be heard all along the winding Calabasas back road he decided to take to the gala. He effortlessly finessed the bends and sharp turns of the road in an effort to impress Yaa. He’d had the car for not even a month and was already showing off. He occasionally glanced at the meal that sat in his passenger seat.

“I think I already told you, but you lookin’ hella delicious, ma.”, Matt complimented.

“Why, thank you, Matthew. I try to be as fresh as you.”, she humbly replied.

He took her hand into his and smiled before kissing it. “What’s that perfume you got on? It’s intoxicating.”

“Your cologne.”, she stated bluntly. The two looked at each other and laughed obnoxiously.

“You never cease to amaze me after all these years, Khay. I’m gonna miss you when you leave.”

“Nigga, I ain’t dying. Ima be around when and if I can. R E L A X.”

8:49 p.m., Calabasas Country Club

If you didn’t know that this was an alumni fundraising gala, most would assume that it was an actual Hollywood event. The sound of camera shutters, camera people shouting at those melanated beings gracing the carpet, and the numerous interviews being conducted at the end of the carpet set the vibe of the night. Once again: Black Excellence.

Matt parked his car in front of the country club, he tossed the keys to the valet before reaching for his velvet maroon blazer. Before the valet driver could get in, he stopped him. “Hold on, boss. I got precious cargo in the passenger seat.” He ran over to Yaa’s side where he slowly opened her door. She offered her hand and he helped her out of the car, gathering her train with his other hand.

The BLUE carpet went up the moment Matt Griffith and his date walked onto the carpet. He held Yaa close to him by her waist as they went down the carpet once more as a duo.  She followed suit by tickled his side, causing him to laugh.

“You gon stop, ma’am.”, he warned as she joined in his laughter.

————

Winston was wary of bringing Michelle to the gala. Not because she wasn’t Black, but he was nervous Yaa would show up looking like God’s divine example of perfection. For the small amount of time Winston and Michelle dated, he never divulged the details of his previous relationship with her. For one, it still hurt to talk about the biggest mistake he’d ever made; and two, he feared Michelle would get extremely jealous. Truthfully, Winston hoped Yaa would be there; he wanted to talk and possibly get closure.

“Winston, is Lupita coming?”, Michelle asked shaking Winston out of his thoughts.

“Uhhh...last I checked, she should be here now.”, he replied.

“Is your mysterious ex coming?”

He throat tightened and palms began to sweat. “I doubt it; she’s in D.C. by now. Why?”

“I mean, from the little you’ve told me about her,  she’s a Yale grad and a traveler. Speaking of, why don’t you talk about her?”, she folded her arms in anticipation of the answer.

He probably wasn’t in reality, but he felt like he was sweating bullets. “It’s just that...the relationship could’ve ended on better terms.”, he sighed, “I just need closure, is all. I’ve been spending this time processing everything. I think I’m good now.” He was lying like all hell.

Winston felt a presence in the room. He and Michelle migrated around the venue talking and socializing with the other Black Yale grads. While in a conversation with one of his classmates and Lupita, he heard a laugh. Not just any laugh; the only vibrant, contagious social laugh he could recognize from miles away. Once again, it was her. He resisted the urge to look for her.  

Noticing her friend’s sudden switch in energy, Lupita turned around to see a foxy Yaa dazzling for all to see. She excused herself from the conversation and walked over to Yaa. She tapped her shoulder.

“Heyyyyy, Khalida!”, Lupita greeted with a grin and open arms.

“Well, hello there, Ms. Academy Award Winner! I’m surprised you’re not like polishing your Oscars or filming.”, Yaa joked as she returned the hug. “You look phenomenal, Peet!”, she twirled Lupita around to get a better look of her blue ensemble.

“Not as phenomenal as you! Wow, you know how to slay anything and I’m here for it!”

Matt cleared his throat. “You need a cough drop?”, Yaa asked in a sarcastic tone. He gave her a look.

“I’m sorry. I forgot he was here. Lupita, this is my ex, Matt Griffith, NFL star. Matt, this is the most beautiful woman in existence and Academy Award-winning actress, Lupita Nyong’o.”

After their exchange of pleasantries, Lupita took Yaa to the side to inform her that Winston was also in attendance...with Michelle. As much as it hurt to hear those words come from Lupita’s mouth, Yaa sucked it up and the two returned to Matt.

“We’re going on a field trip, Matt. Come along.” Lupita commanded. Matt agreed and followed his date with her train.

Winston wasn’t paying attention; he was walking around talking with Michelle. He accidentally bumped into Lupita.

“Peet, I’m so sorry. I was talking to Michelle and wasn’t paying attention to...wh-where I...was...going.”, his thoughts and heart rate began to speed up as he looked at the sight in front of him: his ex-girlfriend.

“Hey, Khalida.”, Winston said calmly.  

“Hey, you.”, she basically whispered in a sultry tone.

“You look...sublime.”

“Oh? Interesting word choice, Mr. Duke.” She raised her eyebrow and gave a faint grin. Poor Winston was intoxicated with Khalida’s presence once more—a drug that he could never get out of his system even if his life depended on it. His eyes were fixed on her, breath staggering.

Yaa’s dress was everything: it was a black, long-sleeved, sequined, floor-length curve-hugging gown with a dramatic “v” neck that accentuated her well-endowed chest. A haute Morticia Addams. Nadia styled her locs into a mid bun with a pinned bang.  

Michelle looked on as they conversed. It clicked—Khalida was the one that still had his heart. She wasn’t stupid; she could sense he was holding out in their relationship in more ways than one. Michelle cleared her throat loudly to break up the two former lovers’ sappy reunion.

“Winston, aren’t you going to introduce me to your...friend? ”, Michelle said with a slightly condescending tone, looking Yaa up and down with disgust. Yaa returned a rather unbothered stare to Michelle.

“Oh...of course, Winston began clearing his throat, “Yaa, this is my girlfriend, Michelle Lee, freelance journalist. Michelle, this...this is my...ex...girlfriend, Dr. Khalida Abdullah, Attorney at Law.”, he fought a smile.

Michelle grimaced. “Oh, a lawyer, you say? What kind of lawyer? Whose firm do you work for?”, she interrogated.

“I’m a civil rights attorney and I have my own firm with my partner and best friend from Yale Law.”

“Your own law firm? You look a little too young to own anything. How old are you?”

“Grown.”

“Did you even hear the quest—“

“— Loud and clear. I said I’m grown.” Yaa maintained her calm, yet petty demeanor throughout the unnecessary exchange. All the while, Matt and Lupita exchanged glances and silent snickers. Yaa was going to hold her own without hesitation. The Louisiana Reaper v. the bell pepper. “Winston, may I speak with you in private please?”

Winston looked to an upset Michelle that just waved her hand for him to go on. “After you, Dr. Abdullah.”,he calmly suggested as he motioned her to go in front of him.

Winston made sure to hold Yaa’s train. Winston became entranced as he watched his ex’s Spanx-less bottom switch from left to right. He felt a sweat come over him. Baby girl still had him sprung. They finally walked out to the balcony. The nighttime October breeze hit Yaa’s bare skin, sending goosebumps throughout her body. The bass still bumped even outside the country club. Even with the low lighting on the balcony, Yaa’s dress still sparkled in the moonlit sky. The two stood across from each other. A lot was on their minds and rightfully so. Four months had gone by without any sense of closure. The lack of closure was pacified with many questions, hypotheses, what-if situations, and many, many tearful nights on both ends.

“So uhh—“, the former lovers said in unison. They chuckled.

“You go first.”

“No, you!”

“No...you.”

“Dammit, Winston, somebody going first.”, Yaa said crossing her arms. “I just wanted to say that one, I miss you. Two, I’m happy for you finding Michelle. Lastly, LEMME FOUND OUT YOU OUTCHEA ACTIN YA ASS OFF ON PERSON OF INTEREST, MINI!”, Yaa hyped. She playfully punched his shoulder. There was a visible shift in her body language. She re-adjusted her posture and looked down at her dress. When she looked back up at Winston, he saw a rather stoic expression come across her face. “No, but...I wanted to just speak with you in private and I’m sure you’ve wanted the same. I miss you, Chris.”

Before he spoke, Winston offered his jacket to Yaa, an offer she accepted.

“I miss you more, Yaa.”, Winston replied quickly.

“The four months that we’ve had apart have had me thinking...a lot...a little too much. While the circumstances of our break-up hurt me more than anything, I don’t harbor any ill-will or harsh feelings towards you. I still care for and love you deeply.”

The admission gave Winston a temporary sense of relief. After four long months apart from the love of his life, it was definitely a relief to know that she didn’t want to push him over the balcony ledge. However, that feeling of relief was quickly replaced by the familiar void feeling in his heart—a void left by Yaa. He missed her more she would ever comprehend. He even missed her sarcasm and readings. By this time, he stood in front of her studying her stoic facial expression.

“I still love and care for you, too, Khalida.”, Winston replied.

“Which brings me to my next point”, she began. Winston’s brows furrowed in confusion, “This time apart has also given me the opportunity to contemplate our relationship from this point forward. My therapist...recommended that I reach out to you to establish something we never had—an actual friendship.”, Yaa explained. There was a steady pause and sharp exhale before the word “friendship” left her lips. It hurt her to see Winston with Michelle and even more to not be with him.

Winston blankly stared at Yaa. He saw, heard, and comprehended every word coming out of her Ruby Woo painted lips, but everything wasn’t registering.

“Friends?”

“That’s what I said. I believe we can work as friends and support each other despite our ending. You and Michelle seem like you all are getting into a rhythm and I don’t want to be your hindrance in your loving her.”

“Ok. Yeah...friendship? No problem.”, he noted dryly.

“Winston?”

“Yes?”

“Is that what you truly want? Because I don’t want to let our connection die.”

Winston shifted his weight and sighed before laughing. “Doesn’t want our connection to die...got it. Of course, we can work on a friendship.”, he remarked in a condescending tone. He was repeating that made him lose Yaa the first time. Yaa finally picked up the hints of sarcasm.

“Winston, I don’t know why you’re being condescending and cold towards me, but you need to stop. I just came to talk and try to amends with you and salvage what little we have left between us.” Yaa felt herself getting emotional and angry simultaneously.

Winston began pacing. “Oh, now you want to talk to me when it seemed easy to give me...give us up?!”

Yaa’s eyebrows flew up and her jaw dropped. Her heartbeat began increasing and her petite frame began to tremble—she was beginning to see red. Her mouth opened to snap, but it quickly closed to save his ego and feelings. “I don’t want us to end on this note...again.”, she mumbled.

“I don’t know what you from me, Yaa. This isn’t exactly easy so stop making it look like that.”

Yaa thought long and hard on her next statement. Being a known wordsmith, she had to craft what she was going to say to make sure it would stick with Winston. That and her anger was on 100, so one wrong move and she’d snap. She finally began to speak barely above a whisper but not quite at normal speaking level.

“What I wanted from you was to make sure the plane wasn’t still malfunctioned. But...I see that it’s temporarily disabled. Whenever you get your head and your ego out of your ass, we can talk. The number won’t change. Good night, Mr. Duke.”

She briskly walked back inside of the country club, fighting tears and the urge to break down once more. She wasn’t going to force a grown ass man to do right; Khadijah and Carrie taught her better than that. Once again, his mouth and his ego ran Yaa off. Fuck, whatever happened to doing better and winning her back? The second walk-out hurt more than the first. This time, he was actually angry with himself. Out of nowhere, his fist made contact with the concrete wall. He roared out in pain as his knuckles bled. Not only was his hand in pain in excruciating pain, but so was his heart. Both injuries could’ve been prevented had he just shut up. The tears burned and clouded his eyes as he cried hysterically.

Yaa returned to find Lupita and Matt deep in conversation, Michelle was sitting down at one of the lounge tables. Right away, Matt noticed his date’s rather bubbly and sweet spirit had been messed with.

“Khay, what’s wrong? Is everything alright?”, Matt placed his hand at the small of her back as he studied her visibly upset face. She was fighting back tears.

“Everything’s not ok. Let’s just go before I’ll need to dig Johnnie Cochran up from the dead.” Peet, I’ll text you whenever I can. Lunch is still on for tomorrow.”, she muttered in a monotonous tone.

Matt found himself running after his date as she angrily walked out of the venue. The plane was totaled.

Tag List:

@muse-of-mbaku @kumkaniudaku @eriknutinthispoosy @whoramilaje @mbakusthrone @mbakuwife @crushed-pink-petals @inlovewithmakeupcomicsanimelove @jackburtonsays @randomwordprompts @bartierbakarimobisson @wakandan-flowerz @blackpantherreblogs @babygirlofwakanda @eerythingisshaka @washyourlinens @turn-thy-paige @doublesidedscoobysnacks @wakandas-vibranium @dramaqueenamby @destinio1 @sonofnjobu @teheeboo @theunsweetenedtruth @sarahboseman @iamrheaspeaks @oshasimone @vibranium-soul @chefjessypooh @chaneajoyyy @supersizemeplz @lovelynervouschaos @cay-cah @coonflix @katasstrophey @mareethequeen @jozigrrl @great-neckpectations @jellybean531 @yofavcocoa @storibambino @maya-leche @blackgirloneshots @royallyprincesslilly @texasbama @certifiednatural @abeautifulmindexposed

[bombtimer]

Day 7: 10 songs I’m loving right now

I’m a person who takes a reasonably long time to love songs and is also catalysed by visual stimuli. These songs embody my life right now: quarantined, tumultuous, and practically a mess. I have questioned whether seven people interviewing one person is still considered an in-depth interview (due to 15 minutes were spent on talking about “I know you. You know me. We are actually a big family” followed by 5 minutes on the respondent losing the internet connection, all of which were wrapped by two main questions getting unanswered). I have done daily bathroom gigs in which I channeled my best to sing Number 5 from the list in the original key (which I did successfully, yet later on the window is knocked by my supposed-to-be-napping sister). I have turned the main living room to be my semi-isolation sanctuary (it’s doorless thus farewell, privacy!) since my house only has three bedrooms (but no more protesting since I have the door towards a private terrace).

Alright now let us proceed to my current playlist, shall we?

1. Love Really Hurts Without You - Billy Ocean

Contrary to my first sentence, I directly enjoyed this music when I was watching Sex Education. This song perfectly wraps the episode where Jackson expresses his love to Maeve in a classic algorithm of rom-coms: either saying in front of audiences, singing using loudspeaker, or other similar gestures. But one might enjoy the contrast that Otis is panicking while Maeve shows some stare of “Why don’t you sing in front of our classmates?”. But putting this series aside, I have included this song in my wedding playlist since I do like only happy songs in a supposed-to-be happy-but-teary event. And this song is in a quite high key (!). Shoutout to the live concert hosted by BBC at Hyde Park back in 2014 and kudos for defining swag in such an age, Sir! And of course in the video the view of cranes and tall buildings afar is also shot, a scenery that I’m still missing.

2. Moon River - Audrey Hepburn

I have a new habit of watching Breakfast at Tiffany's at 2 am until I accidentally sleep. There is a kind of peace watching the opening: old-school NYC at dawn where a woman might have been on her way home after a social event, having pretzel and a cup of coffee in front of one of the most famous jewellers. The instrumental version is also soothing. And recently I also stumbled upon a cover version from the mighty Frank Ocean, who interprets the message and adds his distinctive style and delivering. Maybe someday in the future I will cover this song.

3. One Inch Apart - Jordi Farhansyah

I got this song from Hana who is working at Whiteboard Journal, a website to nurture current creative lifestyle, or in a different term nowadays, to curate new ‘skena’ (it’s obviously ‘scene’ but we Indonesian love to associate foreign words with pop culture). I’m not that eclectic to have alerts everywhere when new songs from newcomers are released, but I know that Hana doesn’t get my music taste (which, you know) and prefer melodious yet tranquil ones. This song blends the vibe of Kings of Convenience and local taste such as Payung Teduh, perhaps? I enjoy it after I repeat it twice.

4. Membasuh - Hindia feat. Rara Sekar

I’m still cringing at the way Baskara creates his MV (please don’t attack me, dear indie people) but this song just speaks more. It is just fulfilling to recognise that we don’t have to be abundant in resources to love someone; that we share what we have. I even cried a bit on my supposed-to-be wedding day upon hearing this song; not sad at all but because I realised that it takes hell of heartbreak to finally give in to someone that also has a similar condition. That we are trying to complement the spaces that were previously void—either vestigially crushed or just simply vanished—using whatever the past left us to stand on our feet and love once more, for the rest of our lives.

5. Always Remember Us This Way - Lady Gaga 

Though this song is chronologically released first than #4, I just started extracting the meaning not up until last month. Though my thoughts on this song are similar, I’m just glad that I can sing this piece in its original key. And of course, Lady Gaga deserves the Oscar. 

6. Cool - Gwen Stefani

It’s an old song and happened to be in one of those compilation cassette albums that I had, but I just enjoyed it now. It is inspired by Gwen’s own experience where it highlights how to draw back from what should have been a happy ending but turns out it is not. Even in the MV the other female model is an actual wife of a person she was once heavily invested in, and thence the contrast of saying “I have already moved on” yet still unacknowledging “But there is a little part of me is still thinking of what-ifs, you know”. Just right in the feels.

7. Good as Hell - Lizzo

I can’t believe I just liked this song right after this genius battle. Like where have I been? The comment section in the original MV is also interesting to watch. Some just said “This song makes me feel like a strong independent black woman yet I’m an Asian man”, “Lizzo is the fairy godmother that everyone wishes to have”, or the body positivity that she promotes. With a background of marching band members across the sections, I just agree to what she said and rapped about.

8. Januari - Glenn Fredly

In the morning after the news, I took a bath and dedicated my time to hear and sing Glenn’s song. Though Malaikat Juga Tahu will always have a special place in my heart, this song has coloured my childhood in a way that sometimes a beginning can be an ending, and I relate by that. 

9. Dancing in the Moonlight - Toploader

Sometimes a song can just stick longer and yes this is one of those songs. I have just started listening to this since the fall of 2018 and indeed a great antidepressant it was designed to be. It just radiates the warmth in a funny way.

10. Kartonyono Medhot Janji - Denny Caknan

This song is great, as is the current rise of Javanese pop songs, where indeed I can demonstrate my annoying vibrato and the ultimate shout of “Mana suaranya!” during the empty bar where you should prepare and take a breath instead. I even googled what Kartonyono is since I didn’t recall any word having a meaning close to that. In fact it is a central junction in Ngawi, where the singer is from.

To conclude, I know I should have just listed 10 songs and left it short. Yet I try to live it up the challenge and annoy you guys a bit more with my questionable taste in music.

[kootenaygoon]

So,

It felt like driving to a battle ground.

My RAV rumbled over the exposed roots of massive trees and navigated the meandering forest road into Shambhala for the third year in a row, with Andrew Stevenson riding shotgun. I was already dressed for the part in a pair of paint splatter tights I’d borrowed from Natalya, and we were sharing a joint with dappled sunlight on our faces. A grinning skull wearing a ceremonial headdress cackled at me from the hood of a derelict truck as ghost fingers of smoke reached longingly from between the trunks. The further I immersed into the grey haze, the more I felt like I was appearing on an episode of Game of Thrones. They had just released the third episode of the seventh season, and Queen Daenerys’ continued ascent could only mean one thing: a coming conflagration of epic proportions.

It was Thursday afternoon, and we’d just put the paper to bed with the following cover story: “Shambhala dodges evacuation alert”. I’d called the Southeast Fire Centre to ask them about a 75-hectare fire that was currently raging 20 kilometres southeast of Salmo and asked them a bunch of questions: What were the chances of it coming closer? How long would it take if to reach the ranch? Was I an idiot for heading out there in person? How close does a fire have to be to trigger an evacuation? The representative reassured me that the fire was extremely unlikely to close the distance to the festival in the next four days, and promised there were plenty of obstacles in the way to keep it contained. I hung up relieved, but also skeptical. 

Guessing at the behaviour of a forest fire seemed as wrong-headed as underestimating a dragon.

Lately I’d been re-reading the Song of Ice and Fire series on my Kindle, scouring the text for new clues about the various theories I’d heard on the Internet. It amazed me how George R. R. Martin used layer after layer of world-building, doggy-piling the reader with names of secondary characters, so that each time you read it there was something new to discover. I was convinced the whole narrative was cleverly disguised science fiction, with the world’s population having regressed after an apocalyptic event. Readers who only engaged in the present tense storyline, wondering what would happen next with Jon Snow or Arya or Tyrion, were missing out on the decades and even centuries of Westeros history Martin had created to establish their current setting. There was no way the show could match this intricacy, and the quality of each episode had been diminishing dramatically since the show-runners overcame his source material.  

“Do you think I’m the villain of this story?” I asked Andrew Stevenson, as the RAV continued to splash through pot-holes. He was picking at his fingernails angrily, and didn’t look up.

“What makes you say that?”

“I started off as this blond Cupid that everyone was rooting for, now it’s like I become a shittier person the longer I stay in the Kootenays. I feel like it’s been one long plummet since Paisley left, like I’ve become this person I don’t even recognize. This pot-head asshole piece of shit.”

He snorted. “You said it, not me.”

Andrew was wearing a dirty white tank tucked into his jeans, and a pair of those cheesy wrap-around sunglasses you buy at gas stations. His hair was poorly cut, maybe by his wife, and his clusters of acne on each cheek made him look like a kid. I’d looked at Andrew Stevenson from all kinds of angles, but I never found one that truly satisfied me. I thought of him every time I came to Shambhala, because this was his town. These were the people he started out doing drugs with. It was his friends that were dropping dead of fentanyl overdoses, his people who were killing themselves with shotguns. He’d spent his entire life in the Kootenays, moving from one community to the next, and he’d fathered all his kids here. It was thoughts of them that propelled him over that bank counter, that got him swinging his shotgun around at those tellers while he shrieked like a fucking goblin.

He passed me the joint. “Once you have kids, man. It’s this whole other element. Like think what Eminem would be without his daughter, right? He’s living for her, the same way I was living for my kids every day.”

“Sometimes I worry, you know? I feel like it’s a sexual version of musical chairs and I’m going to be the one left holding my dick,” I said. “I’ve wanted to be a Dad since I understood what that meant. I feel like it’s my whole purpose, but who the fuck is going to have a baby with me?”

He snickered. “It’s going to hit you like a shovel to the face.”

As I pulled out of the forest into the yawning fields of the ranch, we were met with a security officer, who tried to send me the normal route even though I had a press pass. I argued with him, entitled, telling him that the last two years I’d come they always let me go through the back way.

“You can call Jimmy. He’ll tell you. Will Johnson from the Nelson Star.” 

The guy shrugged back a bit, cowed by the power of Jimmy’s name. At the end of the day, he was the guy. He owned the ranch, founded Shambhala and basically made this who endeavour come to life. He was like Zuckerberg, always wearing a humble T-shirt and never rocking the millionaire vibe. It looked like he still shopped at Value Village. 

“Give me a moment, I’m going to ask my manager,” he said, rounding the hood of my car and making a call through his walkie talkie. He was bouncing his chin along with a beat I couldn’t hear.

I sulked, annoyed with the delay. I wanted to get situated on the grounds with enough time to walk the ranch in daylight. It was late afternoon already, and I really didn’t want to go through with the indignity of a search. Especially because I was carrying things they could find if they did their jobs properly. While I waited for an answer, Andrew Stevenson jutted out his hip and pointed to it, grinning.

“I’m not shoving everything up my ass,” I said. “Shut up.”

Eventually the guy returned and waved me through the back way, a muddy cow-trail that led out to where all the cars were parked. It still struck me, how bizarre it was to see that many vehicles randomly parked in such an idyllic place. It was like seeing an army preparing to attack, the soldiers getting organized into rows. As I followed the smiling flaggers into the media section, I felt like Queen Daenerys as she patrolled the ranks of her invading Dothraki. When was my ascent going to be?

Once we got ourselves parked, I dug out a bottle of vodka from the dash and sat on the hood of my RAV doing shots. Some nearby campers shouted “Happy Shambs” and gave some half-hearted introductions, but mostly left us alone. I’d been feeling grateful to Andrew lately, now that the Maisonneuve story had come out, but also a little guilty. I wished I could’ve gotten an interview him him. It felt strange to tell his story without his input. Maybe he hated the article, maybe he felt I got it wrong.

All I wanted was to get it right.

Next I pulled out the provisions Niles had given me. I was meeting Steph the next day, but this evening was reserved for me. Andrew opened the Ziploc bag and handed over my share. We chased it with vodka.

“What people always forget about Daenerys is that her father’s the fucking Mad King. So who’s to say she’s not going to become the Mad Queen?”

Andrew laughed. “It wasn’t genetic. It was his reality that drove the Mad King over the edge, all his political rivals scheming and plotting to take him out. She’s in a totally different context than he was.”

“But they say all Targaryens are a little mad, right? They’ve all got that fire, that purple magic?”

He sighed. “She does seem to enjoy burning people to death.”

Taking one more shot of vodka, Andrew threw himself down on the grass and started slipping out of his boots. He pulled off his shirt to reveal a bullet-proof vest, then pulled off his scruffy jeans. He pulled on a bulky black sweater, then tight black military-style pants, followed by black boots. He threw a matching set in front of me. This was what we always wore when we were hunting rapists. It was a task I was getting increasingly ambivalent about, but Andrew pursued it with a religious glee. He wanted to find sexual wrong-doers and feed them to crocodiles. That’s what he fucking lived for.

I began to get dressed as well. “Where’re we going?” I asked.

“We’re heading to the Fractal Forest. We need to be there by 6 p.m.”

“Who’s playing at 6 p.m.?”

“It doesn’t matter who’s playing.”

“Then why do we need to be there by 6? What difference does it make?”

He turned dramatically towards me, for effect: “The difference: it’s your funeral.”

“What are you talking about, my funeral?”

“After crucifixion comes resurrection, right? Think about the Greyjoys: what is dead may never die, but rises again harder and stronger. You have to die so you can be reborn.”

“What’re you gonna do? Drown me in the Salmo River?”

He shook his head. “You’re not taking this seriously.”

Next he held out two black balaclavas. Ski masks. This was what he was wearing at the Nelson & District Credit Union, that day in 2014, two weeks before I moved to town. This was the event that had connected us, and I wanted to feel its truth. It wasn’t enough to know that he robbed that place, that he escaped on a bicycle, that he was so high he couldn’t even remember the events afterwards. I wanted to feel that urgency in my blood, that desperation, I wanted to evoke it on the page and make it so real it couldn’t be brushed aside. A full-grown human man was pushed to these lengths, felt he had no other choice but to take a blind run at crime. It was like Breaking Bad in real life. I wondered constantly what happened to his kids when their two parents went away.

We pulled on the balaclavas. Facing me, Andrew put his hands on both my shoulders and spoke through the black cloth. Maybe it made him feel more comfortable saying what he had to say next.

“Think of it as a car crash, okay? You know it’s coming, and you know that you won’t have any control over what happens. But you also know you’re going to survive it.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

He sighed. “Look at yourself, Will. You’re a chronic pot smoker living in your friend’s basement and doing drugs at Shambhala like you’re some rave kid, in the middle of an overdose crisis. What the fuck are you thinking?”

“I just figure, you know, when in Rome.”

“That’s the level of intellectual thought you’ve put into this: when in Rome? You’re gambling with your whole future, fucking around like this. What if you permanently alter your brain chemistry?”

“My brain was damaged to begin with. I’d rather be fucked in the head than depressed. I couldn’t deal with the sadness anymore.”

“Those are your excuses. That’s all they are.”

After a while we stopped arguing, had a couple more shots of vodka, then headed off towards the festival reunited. It was true he was like Eminem, while I was Stan, and Ryan Tapp could be our Slim Shady. We were a trifecta that way, three souls with interlinked stories. The Bank Robber, the Legend and the Holy Spirit. I wished Ryan could be there, but this was something that had to be settled between Andrew and I. And just as I was thinking that, he chose our target. I rushed up to see what would happen next.

“We’re going to make a little human sacrifice,” Andrew said, channeling Tyler Durden, as he held his black shotgun to the throat of a quivering rave kid. “Yeah, and this guy looks like he’ll please the Gods.”

“Hold on, we can’t do this here. People will hear the blast,” I said, my head whipping back and forth. There were people parading past only twenty feet away, but they weren’t looking over to where we were crouched in the shadows.

“On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.”

“Are you quoting Fight Club?”

“Raymond K. Hessel, you are going to die.”

He motioned for me to join him, then carefully transferred the gun into my hands. I looked down at the panicked Asian kid in front of me, who was stretching up his hands to unveil grotesque pit stains. He was 22, maybe 23.

“Ask him if he wants to die,” Andrew whispered.

“Do you want to die? Do you want me to kill you? Is that what you want?” I asked, really getting into my part now. I was really feeling it, like I was actually the guy with the gun. My whole life I’ve been the guy on the other side of the gun, but now it was in my hands. Mine mine mine. 

“No, please. I’ll do anything,” the guy said, his voice breaking. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

He blinked, confused. “I don’t know.”

After a long moment of silence, I lifted the barrel and gestured with my head. The raver kid want off into the darkness screaming with relief, and left me standing in the shadows with Andrew. He’d never killed anybody either, though he had the chance multiple times. He carried that black shotgun with him everywhere he went, but he only fired it once — into a door. He was trying to show me that he wasn’t a killer, not really, though he couldn’t admit it out loud. Much easier to embrace the guilt, to characterize yourself based on other people’s moral judgements. Much easier to be the bad guy.

By this point we were heading into the downtown of Shambhala, where all the food vendors clustered around the Pagoda Stage. I bought myself a burrito and shared it with Andrew in the dark, stumbling off towards Muscle Beach, our balaclavas pushed to our foreheads. The music was electrifying the night sky, so there was a lightning storm of purple energy reaching into the heavens. I figured sooner or later we would encounter Daenerys and her dragons, seeing as the smoke continued to billow into our faces. It smelled like campfire, like somebody was telling an increasingly grandiose story for all the gathered campers. It smelled like imagination.

“So here’s a question,” I said, as I wiped burrito off my chest. “How do you think Dany gave birth to those dragons? Was that science, or magic?”

“My money’s on science.”

“Even with all that blood sacrifice, with tying the maegi to the pyre and everything?”

“Dragons are biological creatures. They can only be birthed in a biological way. It was probably the heat from the pyre triggering some sort of genetic process or something. I don’t know, exactly.”

“Well, what about the fact that she wasn’t burned to death?”

He wagged a finger at me. “Now that’s different. That was a miracle. And that’s why people follow her: she performs miracles, just like Jesus.” 

“She’s a sexy little Jesus with a holy trinity of dragons on her side.”

“Exactly.”

I’d never really been a Daenerys fan before this conversation. It seemed too obvious, in a literary work with hundreds of characters, to go for her. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that her story resonated more strongly with my life than any of the others. I felt her familial exile, felt her frightened youth. I also knew the part of her that considered herself royalty, despite what anybody else says. She was determined to find her rightful place in this world, and that place was at the top. I grabbed ahold of two fleshy scales on Drogon’s back and soared above Shambhala with a dragon between my legs, high enough to see the forest fire on the other side of the mountain slope. It was orange, mostly, and didn’t seem especially lively. I circled around it, surveying its shape. 

“There’s no way that fire’s going to come for us,” I said, dangling from the scales as Drogon swooped. Andrew was clinging on right beside me. We were thousands of feet in the air.

“You haven’t been listening to anything I’m saying.”

The Kootenay Goon

[donqhox-blog]

BIGBANG

⠀⠀

BIGBANG (빅뱅) is a 5-membered boygroup under YG Entertainment. They debuted with the album “Bigbang Vol. 1″ in 2006.

Fandom: V.I.P.

Sub-groups: GD&TOP, GD X TAEYANG.

Music video(s): We Belong Together, A Fool Of Tears, This Love, LA-LA-LA, Ma Girl, Forever With U, Goodbye Baby, Dirty Cash, Lies, Always, Last Farewell, Haru Haru, My Heaven, Oh My Friend, Number 1, With U, How Gee, Sunset Glow, Garagara Go!!, Koewokikasete, Lollipop (with 2NE1), Tell Me Goodbye, Beautiful Hangover, Tonight, Love Song, Blue, Fantastic Baby, Bad Boy, Monster, Loser, Bae Bae, Bang Bang Bang, We Like 2 Party, Sober, Let’s Not Fall In Love, Fxxxk It, Last Dance.

Former members: Hyunseung (current solo artist, pre-debut member).

Social media: YouTube, Twitter, Facebook.

T.O.P — 최승현

Birth name: Choi Seunghyun — 최승현.

Also known as: Tempo.

Birth date: November 4, 1987.

Birth place: Seoul, South Korea.

Nationality: South Korean.

Blood type: B.

Height: 181 cm — 5′11″.

Weight: 65 kg — 143 lbs.

Sibling(s): One older sister — Choi Hyeyoon.

Position: Rap, vocal, visual.

Social media: Instagram.

Language(s): Korean, Japanese, English.

Movie appearances: “Story of Men” (2009, cameo), “Nineteen” (2009), “71: Into The Fire” (2010), “Iris The Movie” (2011), “Commitment” (2013), “Tazza: The Hidden Card” (2014), “Big Bang Made” (2016), “Out Of Control” (2018).

Drama appearances: “I Am Sam” (2007), “Iris” (2009), “Haru” (2010), “Secret Message” (2015).

Collaborations: Friend (with fellow bandmember Taeyang), Buckwild (with NBK Gray), I’m Sorry (with Gummy), D.I.S.C.O (with Uhm Junghwa), All I See Is You (with Zia), Digital Bounce (with SE7EN), Bubble Butt (with Major Lazer, Bruno Mars, Tyga, Mystic and fellow bandmember G-Dragon). 

Was rejected by YG Entertainment at first because he was overweight, but came back 40 days later after he lost 20 kg and got accepted.

TAEYANG — 태양

Birth name: Dong Youngbae — 동영배.

Also known as: Sol.

Birth date: May 18, 1988.

Birth place: Uijeongbu, Gyeonggi Province, South Korea.

Nationality: South Korean.

Blood type: B.

Religion: Christian.

Height: 174 cm — 5′8″.

Weight: 56 kg — 123 lbs.

Sibling(s): One older brother — Dong Hyunbae; actor.

Spouse: Jung Eunran; actress Min Hyorin (m. 2018).

Position: Vocal, dance.

Social media: Instagram, Facebook.

Language(s): Korean, English, Japanese.

Collaborations: Prayer (with Teddy), I Need A Girl (with fellow bandmember G-Dragon), Everybody Get Down (with SWI.T), Player (with Wheesung), Run (with SE7EN), Give Me Permission (with SE7EN), Get Up (with Lexy), Rush (with Lexy), Super Fly (with Lexy & fellow bandmembers T.O.P & G-Dragon), Should Have Loved You Less (with Kim Johan), Real Talk (with YMGA), Friend (with fellow bandmember T.O.P), Fall In Love (with Thelma Aoyama), By Instinct Remix (with Swings & Yoon Jongshin), Tomorrow (with Tablo), Let’s Talk About Love (with fellow bandmembers G-Dragon & Seungri), Go Crazy (with M-Flo), Rich (with Epik High), Feat (with Song Minho), Love (with PSY), Warigari (with Peejay & Kush), Tonight (with Zico), Make Love (with Kush), Stay With Me (with fellow bandmember G-Dragon), I Need A Girl (with fellow bandmember G-Dragon), Move (with Teddy), After You Fall Asleep (with Swings), Korean Dream (with fellow bandmember G-Dragon).

Movie appearances: “Bigbang Made” (2016).

Instruments: Piano.

Ideal type: Doesn’t have one. 

Was supposed to debut as duo with fellow bandmember G-Dragon, called GDYB, but plans changed as new members got added.

G-DRAGON — 지드래곤

Birth name: Kwon Jiyong — 권지용.

Also known as: GD.

Birth date: August 18, 1988.

Birth place: Seoul, South Korea.

Nationality: South Korean.

Blood type: A.

Height: Official height: 177 cm — 5′10″, rumored height: 168-169 cm — 5′6″.

Weight: 58 kg — 128 lbs.

Sibling(s): One older sister — Kwon Dami.

Position: Leader, rap, vocal.

Social media: Instagram, YouTube, Facebook.

Language(s): Korean, English, Japanese.

Collaborations: Butterfly (with Jin Jung), Hello (with Dara), Gossip Man (with Kim Gunmo), Korean Dream (with fellow bandmember Taeyang), The Leaders (with Teddy & CL), She’s Gone (with Kush), Coup D’etar (with Diplo & Baauer), Niliria (with Missy Elliott), R.O.D. (with Lydia Paek), Black (with BLACKPINK’s Jennie), I Love It (with Zion.T & Boys Noize), Black (with Sky Ferreira), Black (with Park Bom), Without You (with BLACKPINK’s Rosé), Missing You (with Kim Yoonah), Today (with Kim Jongwan), Light It Up (with Tablo & Dok2), Heartbreaker Remix (with Flo Rida), Having An Affair (with Park Myungsoo & Park Bom), Going To Try (with Jung Hyungdon), Storm (with Perry, JINUSEAN’s Sean & Masta Wu), Eye Magic (with Wheesung), Intro (with SE7EN & Perry), Can You Feel Me (with SE7EN), Anystar (with Park Bom & Gummy), Super Fly (with Lexy & fellow bandmembers T.O.P & Taeyang), So In Love Pt.2 (with Kim Johan), Work It Now (with Gummy), Party (with Uhm Junghwa), D.I.S.C.O Pt.2 (with Uhm Junghwa), What (with YMGA, Teddy, Kush, Perry & CL), Strong Baby (with fellow bandmember Seungri), Rain Is Falling (with W-inds), I Need A Girl (with fellow bandmember Taeyang), Open The Window (with fellow bandmember Seungri), Blue Frog (with PSY), Bubble Butt (with Major Lazer, Bruno Mars, Tyga, Mystic & fellow bandmember T.O.P), Let’s Talk About Love (with fellow bandmembers Taeyang & Seungri), Dirty Vibe (with Skrillex, Diplo & CL), Stay With Me (with fellow bandmember Taeyang), Temple (with Baauer & M.I.A.), Complex (with Zion.T), Palette (with IU), Fact Assault (with PSY).

Movie appearances: “Bigbang Made” (2016).

Ideal type: Someone that can cook well. Girls who run away when he tries to catch them, but approach him and throw themselves in his arms when he stops trying.

Former member of Little Roora.

Former SM Entertainment trainee, and became an YG Entertainment trainee at the age of 12.

Was supposed to debut as duo with fellow bandmember Taeyang, called GDYB, but plans changed as new members got added.

Composes a lot for BIGBANG and other artists.

Has quite a few tattoos.

DAESUNG — 대성

Birth name: Kang Daesung — 강대성.

Also known as: D-Lite.

Birth date: April 26, 1989.

Birth place: Incheon, South Korea.

Nationality: South Korean.

Religion: Christian.

Blood type: O.

Height: 178 cm — 5′10″.

Weight: 63 kg — 139 lbs.

Sibling(s): One older sister — Kang Bora.

Position: Vocal.

Language(s): Korean, Japanese, English.

Movie appearances: “Bigbang Made” (2016).

Drama appearances: “What’s Up” (2011).

Collaborations: Now We (with Nemo), Family Day (with the Family Outgoing cast), How Did We Get (with Lee Hyori), To You My Beloved (with Gummy).

Instruments: Drum.

Ideal type: A woman who is a good talker, but who doesn’t wear mini-skirts because he would be worried. He’d like a woman who can understand his career and who gives him support. 

Was involved in a deadly car accident, which caused him to halt all activities for that year. Daesung was not found guilty of the accident.

SEUNGRI — 승리

Birth name: Lee Seunghyun — 이승현.

Birth date: December 12, 1990.

Birth place: Gwangju, South Korea.

Nationality: South Korean.

Blood type: A.

Height: 177 cm — 5′10″.

Weight: 60 kg — 132 lbs.

Sibling(s): One younger sister — Lee Hannah.

Position: Dance, vocal.

Social media: Instagram, Twitter, Facebook.

Language(s): Korean, Japanese, English.

Education: Chung-Ang University (dropped out).

Movie appearances: “Nineteen” (2009), “Why Did You Come To My House?” (2009), “Bigbang Made” (2016), “High & Low: The Movie” (2016), “Love Only (2018).

Drama appearances: “Haru” (2010, cameo), “Lights and Shadows” (2011, cameo), “Kindaichi Shonen No Jikenbo” (2013), “Yubikoi ~Kimini Okuru Message~” (2013-2014), “Angel Eyes” (2014).

Musical appearances: “Sonagi” (2008), “Shouting!” (2009).

Collaborations: Let’s Talk About Love (with fellow bandmembers Taeyang & G-Dragon), GG Be (with BLACKPINK’s Jennie), I Know (with May J), Open The Window (with fellow bandmember G-Dragon), I Know (with IU), Strong Baby (with fellow bandmember G-Dragon), Ignite (with K-391, Alan Walker & Julie Bergan).

Ideal type: A girl that has a lot of cuteness and a bright voice.

Was originally eliminated from BIGBANG, but came back to compete with former member Hyunseung. Seungri ended up winning and Hyunseung left BIGBANG.

Owns his own dance academy named “Seungri’s Academy”.

[veshialles]

💚💜💕

(Heck, I completely missed this ask whoops. thanks Tumblr.)

💚: how long have you been working on it?

Well, it really depends on what we define as “working” because I am an avid procrastinator and a very slow writer (plus the depression doesn’t exactly speed things up at all). But if I had to make a guess…

KTR: I think the first ideas for it came in around 10th grade, which would have been like, 2014-2015? But I didn’t start writing the actual story until 12th grade (late 2016-ish) So yeah

TCS: I’m almost certain this one started in 2016, because I distinctly remember discussing something about it with two of my pals while loitering in a bookstore. (I think we were discussing humanoid aliens, or something like that?) That places it around that time-frame. (shout out to Ian and Sarah for enduring my ramblings)

WP: Sometime last year, I think? Maybe also early 2016? I don’t remember

ML: Well, it started out in 2015, but then it became its own thing around 2016

So basically, I had a really creative spree two-ish years ago and I’ve accomplished almost nothing since lmao

💜: where are you in the writing process?

KTR: I finally made it to Chapter 2, and there is an extensive amount of lore and history and worldbuilding stuff somewhere in the project’s Google Drive folder.

TCS: There’s that entire list of species that I started with, as well as other lists of characters and planets and factions, but so far it’s mostly short ficlets and daydreams.

WP: I finally started one of the planned stories, the lesbian romance one. There’s also some general idea on where I should go with the other two projects I had in mind. (which at this point they feel like rip-offs of Batman and Fallout New Vegas, just a little bit)

ML: I have a few short fics, but that’s really about it so far, apart from a list of characters, and the stories in my mind

In conclusion, I really like lists apparently, and my ADHD is through the roof

💞: which future scene are you looking forward to writing?

(I already answered “what has your favourite scene been”, so I’m substituting it for this similar one from the list, hope that’s alright)

KTR: So many, but I think I’m especially looking forward to the murder mystery town. That’s gonna be fun. Also, there’s definitely going to be a few small info dumps, because I spent too much time on the lore and it would be a shame to just end up ignoring it now.

TCS: Slingar’eth ends up falling in line with the same bunch of hooligans that he was initially assigned to bring in to custody, and he just kind of has to roll with it. I think at some point, I might end up redoing an entry that I wrote a while back, about how a war started between two empires. It kind of had a quirky Hitchhikers-Guide vibe.

WP: At some point, Cynthia, the main character, gets her heart broken, so she ends up super-speed punching some stuff. It’s more dramatic in my head than it sounds.

ML: Noelle and her girlfriend find out that their parents are having an affair (in reality, it’s a poly-relationship, but they haven’t told their kids yet) so they have to deal with the fact that it technically makes them step-siblings, and they debate on whether or not to tell anybody. 

So yeah, plenty of ideas, but I have no idea how to follow through on projects that I start. It’s a long process. Thanks for the asks!!