#also realizing that from the outside/from amanda's perspective

[hieronymous-bitch]

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[zofia-cichy19]

Life Drawing Notes:

During my first term of life drawing, we had the opportunity to work in a numerous amount of approaches such as : black and white, colour and have recently started experimenting with inks and will be with paints.

When first starting life drawing, we were introduced to the different elements of tone: light, medium and dark. It is very important to use all these tones together as it can make a difference between a good and bad drawing. Aldous also introduced to us the concept of standing back and looking back at the drawing in 10 minute intervals. This allowed me to be brave with my work, just because a mark has been put down it doesn’t mean this makes the drawing final. Thanks to this technique, I’ve also become a bit more critical of my work learning that a drawing doesn’t have to be perfect at first sight. I think my favorite drawing from the black and white series down below would be the one where a model called Amanda came in for a session. I had to add different amounts of tone onto her body, and one thing that strikes me as important would be the way the light in the studio shines onto the surroundings. For example, the flower tapestry background that is in the studio every week, because I used light tones on the drawing for the model I incorporated darker shadows/ tones for the background which I believe made the drawing look much more professional and interesting.

One of my favorite pieces of advice and tips from Aldous would be looking at the model and taking out specific marks and lines you can see from the model and marking it out on paper without looking. I believe about 5 weeks into our weekly life drawing classes, Aldous also introduced us to the stick method when drawing from life. This consists of taking a stick and squinting one eye and using it to measure a part of the models body at an angle. Afterwards, I would place the stick back onto the paper and use the stick to draw parts of the body. I like this technique because the drawing done after matches the model directly in proportion and I think it’s a good skill to grasp upon when first learning how to draw with realism and proportion.

As the weeks passed on, as a class we got introduced into working with colour. The techniques involved were: chalk pastels, oil pastels and colored markers. My favorite technique and one that resonates well with my work would be colored marker. My drawings with this technique were successful down below because when using a marker, I focus imperatively on defining the lines and specific mark - making techniques. I find that markers are less harsh than for instance using a pencil to create that same line when drawing. I love having the freedom to experiment and another thing I really like is matching colors in unison, for example the use of pinks, purples and oranges. Even though most of these drawings were successful, I did also create some that were classified as failed attempts for me. For example, I did a drawing which consisted of a man and instead of filling the drawing around with fineliner in the middle like I did on the outside, I used the color yellow which I don’t think matched my intended colour scheme very well.

As we progressed into November/ December months, one thing that I remembered that Aldous spoke about a lot would be to fill the page when drawing. He said that a drawing shouldn’t have bits of white left upon unless of course it is intended, and instead we should use another color to fill in the composition. To challenge this however, I used colored paper instead to see if this would distort or change the perspective of my drawing altogether. This is where I probably did one of my favorite pieces so far in the academic year, I used brown paper and chalks in the colour green, pink, orange, white, blue and black. I then realized that at this point I created cartoon like figures of life drawing. This was a complete turning point for me in terms of style because I feel like I experimented and created something I didn’t know I was capable of doing. I loved the idea of having faceless figures, and added extra emphasis on the background which links to what Aldous says about filling the page up with colour ( something that pops out to people when they come across the drawing).

As well as participating in life drawing classes, Aldous regularly introduced to our class, the concepts of warm - ups before starting life drawing class. For example, we had to draw a different number of squares without looking at the paper: small, medium and large overlapping each other. At one point, Aldous made us come up with scenarios in our imagination such as : fire, water, earth and air within our own bodily sensations. We had to use this sensation and incorporate it into our drawings, this added a sense of more imagination and flair into our work rather than just drawing.

In yesterdays session, we finally starting moving on to wet mediums ie the inks. I haven’t used ink for a long time so I had to get used to it however I loved how simple and easy it is to glide across the page. In my blue/ black/ purple ink painting, I accidentally created dripping sensations going down the page : this added some different type of texture and feel to my painting, making it more original which was what I was striving for. One thing I need to improve however is my use of colored tone as I mostly did line strokes on the woman I was drawing. This would also challenge me in a productive way as sometimes I get too comfortable using one type of technique. Sometimes it’s the things we’re scared to try or experiment with that turn out way better than we anticipate. I cannot wait to start experimenting with paint now that is the new year, overall I had a very good term in life - drawing and I cannot wait where my drawing takes me in 2024.

[kayla1507]

Completely with you on hating the Cyberlife HQ mission. No idea how they managed to get it so wrong.

Do you have any thoughts on how you’d rewrite it? / What a better deviant Connor end mission would be?

I always thought being able to infiltrate Cyberlife without killing anyone with the option to convert Connor-60 or have Connor fight alongside Markus would be far better than Connor committing mass murder, allowing Hank to kill another Android who never got a chance to become deviant, or Hank and Connor both being dead.

In canon, I usually have Connor die in Crossroads protecting Jericho / Night of the Soul (if I’m playing a less forgiving Markus), leave the roof with Hank alive and then refuse to shoot / spare whoever’s leading the Revolution. It’s a bit of a bittersweet ending, but it’s deviant enough for me since Cyberlife HQ is just so bad, and I do like playing the rest of the game as deviant-leaning.

Thanks, Kayla.

Hi, Anon.

Ooof, how would I rewrite CyberLife HQ into something that‘s still in character for Connor and makes sense… Well then, challenge accepted.

First of all, I wouldn’t rewrite it into a pacifist route or make Connor force-convert Sixty (if that’s even possible without creating another plot hole). It would imo, be out of character. I would actually give Connor a whole separate pacifist route in which he joins Markus‘ peaceful protest to reach the highest public opinion and best possible ending, while CyberLife HQ remains his violent alternative.

…

Why CyberLife HQ isn’t suited as a pacifist route:

A) At this point Connor hates CyberLife, he’s aware they’ve been using him and he’s out on a suicide mission to steal their own property and turn it against them. His hate for CyberLife extends to its personnel by association. Why put in the extra effort to use non-lethal force when he doesn’t care about these people, in fact came to loathe them?

B) Connor freeing Sixty would actively contradict his negative feelings about his own replaceability. Connor snaps at Amanda — despite having never raised his voice against her before —, in „Last Chance, Connor“ when he realized he isn’t a unique model, a thought which is so offensive to him it actually destabilizes his software. He doesn’t want to be one of multiple Connor‘s, he wants to be the Connor, and Sixty is not only a threat to the revolution but also in his way of being truly unique. I wouldn’t call it a plot hole that the player gets no option to force-convert Sixty in canon. Connor doesn’t consider deviating him an option outside of a means to stall for more time because he doesn’t actually want to.

I also want to add that Sixty has no reason to want to deviate when Connor chooses to [convince] him when stalling for time, if he’s even able to after stepping fresh off the assembly line. From his perspective Connor is a „traitor“ and also evidently a serial killer looking at his trail of corpses at the Tower. As a machine Sixty is also ordered to avoid harming humans unless absolutely required and joining Connor‘s army would actively harm humans.

…

Moving on to the plot holes and how I‘d „correct“ them:

Plot hole #1: The warehouse intro. Connor enters the warehouse after Hank and Sixty who hide behind a row of androids, he walks slowly through the hall (if you look between the lines of androids, no one is actually there) and is only interrupted by Sixty once he touched an AP700 to convert him. All while Sixty had the opportunity to shoot Connor in the back as soon as he walked past.

Solution: Have Sixty and Hank enter after Connor through the opposite elevator. When Connor hears the elevator doors slide open, he turns his head and spots Hank being held at gun point by the other RK800 as they step out of the elevator.

Plot hole #2: Connor opts to save Hank, draws his gun and he and Sixty shoot each other in the shoulder for absolutely no reason.

Solution: either remove the choice altogether and default to Connor rushing Sixty. Or: make it a dead-end-choice with Connor and Sixty shooting each other in the head and the chapter ends with Hank alive and the army dormant.

Plot hole #3, 4, 5: Connor can not loose the fight against Sixty, because plot armor. Hank doesn’t recognize his partner despite the RK800‘s different serial numbers being on display, pro-android activist Hank executes Sixty at point blank, smiles and adds „maybe you really are alive.“

Solution: resolving all of this in one go by turning Connor and Sixty‘s fight lethal. If you fuck up too many QTE with Connor, Sixty grabs Connor‘s gun from his holster and shoots him in the head. The scene then defaults to the „do nothing“ ending in which he shoots Connor a few more times, gives his „he really liked you, Lieutenant speech“ and stalks off.

Alternatively: Connor wins the fight, reaches for his gun and shoots Sixty in the head. Therefore avoiding the out of character scenario in which Hank executes an android who he says was a living being. After killing Sixty, Hank has reached for his own gun and must now be convinced that the surviving Connor is his true partner. He asks about Sumo and if you answer wrong, Hank shoots (instead of that missteps being consequence free). If you answered correctly, Hank asks about Cole. The game will not point out the right name, so you have to remember it yourself. If you’ve never found Cole‘s picture then you won’t get any options. Connor says he doesn’t know and Hank shoots. Making [save Hank] the hardest ending at CyberLife Tower and to reach the desired hug you must have put in the effort to learn more about Hank in previous chapters. Because of Cole‘s picture being required, the timer in Russian Roulette would be extended to 10 min, if you haven’t found his picture by then you must be fucking up on purpose to fill out your flowchart.

Plot hole #6: If Connor sacrificed Hank and switched bodies with Sixty, Sixty looks up and congratulates Connor for doing well, because… ?

Solution: Scrap the line and keep only his threat „this is just the beginning.“

Plot hole #7: [Tense] Connor automatically becomes Hank‘s friend after revealing Cole‘s story. After the credits they meet up and hug.

Solution: They only hug/become friends if Connor was [warm] or was already [friend] with Hank before. [Neutral] and [tense] Connor don’t meet up for a hug, because they were jerks and/or bullied Hank.

Plot hole #8: the remaining RK800 never show up to stop Connor and/or Markus.

Solution: instead of that meaningless smalltalk you have to select while Sixty holds Hank at gunpoint, Connor asks if CyberLife sent out the remaining RK800 after the rebels. Sixty responds CyberLife destroyed them as a precaution after Connor‘s betrayal, sending only him as their final and most deviancy-resistant RK800 in line. This wraps up yet another plot hole in which the remaining RK800 never show up to stop Connor.

Plot hole #9: If Sixty defeats Connor at CyberLife Tower, he won’t be in the crowd to assassinate Markus, despite the fact that the arrival of Connor‘s army in the good ending shows us he had more than enough time to get there.

Solution: If Connor died at CyberLife Tower and didn’t kill Sixty, Sixty will be in the crowd and will assassinate Markus by default, following either a successful protest or revolution. The only exception being the ending where Connor awakened the army before death and Sixty freaked out since he’s implied to have suffered an emotional shock.

Plot hole #10: If Hank dies in Connor‘s arms, he‘ll add „I’ll miss you, Connor“ while Connor‘s LED spins blue regardless of their relationship level.

Solution: If Hank and Connor had a bad relationship (tense/hostile) and Connor sacrificed Hank, Hank will not add to his dying breath that he‘ll miss Connor. Connor‘s LED circles between yellow and blue in mild stress. If Connor’s relationship to Hank was neutral/warm/friend his LED will blare red.

Plot hole #11: not sure if this can be labeled a plot hole or simply a missed opportunity, but anyways. The CyberLife Tower army won’t show up in time to aid Markus and North in a failed revolution.

Solution: Once Markus‘ revolution fails and he hides in the abandoned store, the soldiers advance and command him to surrender. But then the sound of many footsteps is heard and the soldiers lower their weapons and retreat. Markus slowly steps out of the store to check what’s going on and is greeted by Connor with his massive army in tow.

The same scenario will happen with North, who will not be shot in battle but hide in the abandoned store by default. If Connor failed in the CyberLife Tower, she will default to commit suicide when the soldiers advance on her outside. Therefore the CyberLife Tower will not only matter if Markus did not take the dirty bomb to ensure his survival, but will also trigger the only possible good ending to North‘s revolution. With the North variation, she is the one who speaks on stage to her people and Connor will have to escape Amanda‘s hacking attempt in order to save her.

Plot hole #12: Public Opinion is unbothered by the CyberLife Tower army.

Solution: scrap it. There‘s no rewriting this into something that can make sense. The CyberLife Tower army equals an invasion and an act of terror, casualties are expected and the whole city is being evacuated. In combination to a peaceful protest, the president will declare war, defaulting to her negative public opinion + deviant army speech: „Although these machines claimed they only wanted freedom, today they‘ve showed their true colors! I know that public opinion is united in its desire to take Detroit back. We will fight them with all our strength and we won’t rest until we have destroyed them all! Humanity is about to face its most important battle, one that will lead to our victory or to our extinction.‘

So then, these were my two cents on a CyberLife HQ rewrite. Feel free to send me another ask and tell me what you would’ve changed if you were in charge, not me or Mr. Cage. :)

[jacob-romero]

design diary 001

week 1

in just a week i am already behind, but it's been a lot of fun. it sucks writing this, because currently i just finished week 2, the draft i had written for week 1 disappeared but whatever.

here is a photo of the school of design at the university of illinois chicago. i love the architecture of this place. there are two schools in this building, design and architecture. we both share the print lab which is located in our side, and the project lab which is located in the architecture side. (we use the print lab more than they do, and they use the project lab more than we do.)

it's a great space, at the time i haven't used the space outside of class as much.

we've been working on these letter forms in design drawing, free handing squares and lines, it's a struggle and honestly i am not sure how this will help us but, i assume it will make sense soon. we started with just free handing straight lines which was not easy coming from a art background. but i am slowly getting the hang of it. we also started working on cube perspectives like 2pt and 1pt perspective. i practiced these a bunch in my sketchbook, will post the final versions in week 2's diary

love this class, it's the one class where i am drawing, and it's fun to me, i just get to sit and do these letters and cubes

for 3D Form Studio, we did a knolling! we have a photo studio we can use and i spent around an hour photographing each of these objects individually with my phone and then doing the one big knolling, presented this in class and my teacher really liked it, he also really liked my drawings, here's my favorite, sketch i did:

and then an individual photo of my sonny angels:

we started our first real excessive for 3D form, its a cube made out of chipboard, it took forever but I think I did pretty good.

making this cube, i realized how happy i was with my choice in doing this, i did not once feel that this was boring and i would rather be doing something else, i honestly had fun, i was talking with amanda, listening to music, and just having a good time.

a photo when i just finished and the money shot of my cube:

i don't have much to say for my other two classes, Color Theory is a bit slow, i think my professor didn't know he was going to teach this class so he is getting up to speed with the curriculum. in Design Colloquium we are also getting up to speed.

we also had our involvement fair, here's a video of me beating suryansh in a bouncy house-esque game then immediately being pulled back and flipping over:

all in all i am really excited to be here, i'll leave it here for now, week 2 is where it gets really exciting

redrafted this on september 6th at 2:25pm

[namluve]

↳ you never had it like this | mark x reader | 9.7k | two parter | 18+ genre: smut, fluff, college!au, neighbour!au, idiots to lovers, baseball player!mark warnings: switch!mark, switch!y/n, alcohol consumption, handjob, mirror, bodyshots, a little dirty talk, mark and y/n are both whipped for each other

❝ baseball player mark has had a crush on you for a while now. will college change things or will the two of you continue to dance around the inevitable? ❞

note: happy birthday mark and a late happy birthday to my one and only amanda. my best friend who happens to be whipped for mark (no joke) and this might have been written with her in mind as y/n and our squad as the rest of the characters. enjoy! 

part one out of two - next part 

Today was a rather hot autumn day the first week of school, and Mark was happy to be back in town. Having spent most of his summer at his grandmother’s house, he’d missed his friends a lot. Well… not only his friends. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the girl next door all summer.

Getting distracted from the conversation he was having with Johnny as he saw you walking down the yard with your best friend. What you were doing to him should be illegal, he thought. His head empty as soon as your name was brought into the conversation or when you walked by.

“Earth to Mark, please close your mouth.” Johnny teased. Putting a hand in front of his junior friend’s face, making Mark snap out of his daydreaming. Shaking his head as he was embarrassed, trying to deny the fact that his mouth had opened a little the moment he saw you.

“I- I wasn’t…”

“I was just messing with you, let’s go or else I’m gonna be late for P.E,” Johnny said as he nudged Mark towards the direction they needed to go.

As they started walking, Mark couldn’t help but turn around one last time, catching you giggling at your best friend’s words. Your thighs incredibly exposed by the shorts you were wearing, making your ass stand out more than it already did. Making your ass look even better somehow. Mark was usually a boob guy but with you he seemed to be an everything type of guy. Appreciating each and every curve on your body.

“You think y/n will be at the party?” Mark asked, without even thinking. Making his obvious crush even more obvious than it already was.

“Sunny will most likely be, and wherever she goes, y/n follows.” True, Mark thought to himself. If he played his cards right, he might be able to convince Johnny to ask her to come. Your best friend had after all, never been able to say no to Johnny. Mark smiled to himself as he thought out his plan on his way of dropping of his friend at his class. Maybe if he got some alcohol in the system he would be brave enough to ask you out or at least talk to you.

He thought his crush would have gone away by now, but it seemed like going away for the whole summer and starting college only made it worse. You weren’t a stranger to him, the two of you had talked on several occasions, your families being quite close. Talking briefly at family dinners, getting paired up on a few school assignments and sharing some classes together.

Your best friend Sunny had always been the one to initiate conversations between the two of you at school. Being charismatic and easy to talk to, she made friends with almost everyone instantly and somehow always managed to drag you and Mark together. Mark honestly thought that was just her way of getting some alone time with Johnny.

Sunny’s and Johnny’s relationship seemed simple from an outsider's perspective. A lot of flirting and waiting for the other one to make a move. Both you and Mark always thought they would end up together, knowing they both liked each other. Your best friends proved you otherwise by refusing to make a move on one and other.

They had it simple while you and Mark… He couldn’t quite place where you guys were. Sometimes, you would talk and have the most interesting conversations while at other times, you couldn’t look each other in the eyes. God how he wished you would just make some kind of move; he would be all yours in a heartbeat without hesitating.

“Stop staring at them!” You hiss as you lightly slap your best friend on the arm. Turning around to face you, she gives you a playful look, as if she was proud of something. A glint of mischief in her eyes.

“Mark totally looked at you, and by that, I mean he starred at you,” rolling your eyes at your friend’s words as she continues, “second of all. I’m pretty sure Johnny must have trained this summer. I can feel that he has abs underneath his shirt now.” Scoffing at her words, you shake your head.

“First of all, ew. Second of all, if you want to feel them you probably could. Just talk to him, y'all have wanted to jump each other since forever. Just get it over with.” Offended, Sunny gasps, placing a hand on her chest just as she usually does when she is about to lie.

“If he had wanted to jump me, he would have had by now. Besides, I think he is into older girls, so I’ll just die alone.”

“You know that’s not true.” Your best friend liked being dramatic, but you knew that most of it came out of her own insecurities. She was pretty good at hiding it but luckily, you were just as good at seeing through the walls she builds.

“Come on, let’s get your dramatic ass to class so you can think about something else than Johnny’s dick.” You say, looking arms with her as you get ready to start walking to class.

“Class doesn’t stop me from thinking about that.” Shameless, your best friend was shameless to say the least.

“I know, I know,” you say, laughing as the two of you begin walking to class. Your eyes catching a glimpse of Mark’s back as he and Johnny head towards the direction of the baseball field. They probably had some training to catch up on, considering their first game was in just three weeks.

It’s not like you didn’t have a crush on Mark or anything, because you did. A big fat crush that had lasted for over two years now ever since your families had their first family dinner together. I was when Mark’s family had moved in into the neighbourhood, inviting your family over as the good Christian family they were. Wanting to get to know their neighbours better.

Over these two years Mark has had plenty of opportunities to show any interest in you. Besides looking at you for a little to long at times, Mark didn’t exactly show you in any means that he could be interested.

So, you tried to let that crush go, thinking it would get better over the summer. Which it did. You hooked up with a couple of guys, nothing too serious. Made out, gave your first blowjob, had someone fondle your boobs which frankly, didn’t meet your expectations. Over the summer you had grown confident but all that seemed to be lost the moment you saw Mark again.

His hair a little longer, dirty blond instead of his usual black, glasses that made him look cute and hot at the same time somehow. He told you once that he usually wears his contact lenses and only glasses at home, thinking they made him unattractive. He was so wrong, and you told him that, a light shade of pink on his cheeks as you did. 

In Mark’s defence, it’s not every day your crush calls you hot and he was not ready for it at all. So, he started wearing his glasses, hopping to catch your attention. Which it did, only, he didn’t exactly have any eyes at the back of his head. Missing each time your started at him from afar in class, sitting two rows behind him in English.

You couldn’t deny your best friend’s words either. Johnny had worked out more during the summer. You could see that, but it also seemed like Mark had while he had been away. The white t-shirt he was wearing to school clinging a little bit more to his chest than last semester.

If looking at Mark for ten seconds made you feel all these things, you knew you were in for a hell of a long year. Maybe, this would be the year you would finally make a move. Maybe, starting college would change your life in more ways than you thought. Maybe… just maybe… you could get your crush to like you back.

The first few days of the semester flew by and suddenly, it was Friday. You were at your best friend’s house along with most of your friends, the girl squad drinking and getting ready together. Trying to decide on what outfits all of you should wear.

“If you decide on the black jeans, you should wear them with my white top. It’ll make your boobs and ass pop!” The rest of the gang agreeing with Sunny’s words. Sana, the short pretty blond of the group raising her wine glass to her lips as she speaks.

“And then Mark will totally follow you home and y'all will pop your cherries!” Giving you a wink as she starts sipping on her wine. A faint ‘mhmm’ was heard from Sunny and laughter from the others. The atmosphere at Sana’s apartment playful as your squad had been friends for quite some time now. 

“Or you could just find some else you know?” Maya, the most independent girl of your group spoke up. She had never been a fan of Mark. Found the boy too childish, well, probably because they went to the same class in middle school. But that’s another story.

“They would be so cute though! I really think-“ Sunny said as she was interrupted by her phone ringing. Picking it up, a smile placed upon her lips as she read the caller id. 

“It’s Johnny!” she exclaimed happily. Everyone in your girl group, even you, sighing. Looking at each other, you all had the same thought, when would they finally just get together?

“Yeah totally! We’ll be out in ten!” She said before hanging up on Johnny, frantically seating herself in front of the mirror. Her makeup not even half done. 

“10 minutes?! You do realize how much left I have left on my makeup!” Maya exclaimed at Sunny, earning an eye roll from her before she responded.

“Have you seen how much I have left? You only have your eyebrows.”

“And they take time.” Putting your hands out between your two friends, you stop them from arguing further. Taking the mother role of the group as usual.

“Calm down now, let’s just get ready. We will have even less time if the two of you fight.” You try to reason, seeing their faces soften a bit. Still holding onto their annoyance at each other for a little while, doing their makeup besides each other in silence.

Ten minutes really do go by fast when you are by your friends. Grateful to get a ride over to the party and not having to leave a car behind at campus. The welcoming party would start at campus, doing a few games before going over to one of the sorority houses. Probably the neo 127 house considering Johnny was vice president there and Sunny would probably stay by his side most of the night.

Going down the stairs of Sana’s apartment, you realize you probably shouldn’t have been drinking all that wine. Especially in one go when you found out you only had ten minutes to get ready, and the pre party would be over. Because oh boy was the stairs harder to go down than they were going up somehow.

You realize it was an even greater mistake when you are greeted with Mark leaning against Johnny’s car. The alcohol making him look somehow even better than he usually does. His hair slicked back, showing his forehead. You knew this was Johnny’s doing. A light blue t-shirt, black jeans and white vans was apparently all that was needed to make you hot and bothered. And Mark of course.

He didn’t notice you at first, to busy reading the sign that was nearby but without his glasses he was helpless. He didn’t put in his contact lenses before the party. Knowing what a mess it would be if he forgot to take them out tonight before going to bed. It would hurt like hell and knowing his drunk self, he didn’t trust himself to remember to take them out.

As soon as he heard the girl’s behind you, talking, giggling about something, he finally noticed you. Standing right in front of him, dressed way to hot, showing your boobs slightly because of the top’s cleavage. Your curves on display for him with your tight clothes. A full course meal if Mark could say so himself. Showing just enough for his imagination to start running.

“Johnny!” You were almost showed to the side by your best friend. Sunny ran up to Johnny as he looked confused at her. Even more so when she pulled him into a tight hug.

“Yes?” He asked confused, unsure what he had done to deserve such a warm greeting from her. Meeting his eyes, you shrug, nobody really knew what was going on in your best friend’s mind. The only thing that was certain was that she was way friendlier drunk.

“Thank you so much for driving us. It truly means a lot.” She thanks him and he smiles at her.

“No worries.” Johnny answers as she lets go of her tight grip on him. Your eyes darting back at Mark, meeting his eyes for a second before he looked away. Had Mark been staring at you or did you imagine things just now?

“How are we all going to fit into the car?” Ellen asks, your other best friend. You had been friends with her for the longest of time now, dating back to beginning of high school. To most people, she came across as a very cold and serious person. In reality, she most often just looks out for the people she cares about. She is also a real prankster together with Maya when she wants.

“Jaehyun is coming in a few minutes, he got delayed because Mark gave him the wrong address.” Johnny explained and Mark immediately turned towards his friend. His face slightly red, a shade of embarrassment on his cheeks as he walks a few steps towards Johnny.

“I never said the wrong address, Jaehyun spelled it wrong when tapping it into the gps.” He defended himself as Johnny looked rather amused, a smirk on his face. Happy to tease his a little bit tipsy friend.

Truth being told, Mark had had a drink or three before getting in the car with Johnny. Getting to know that they would on the way stop at Sana’s place to pick you up was to much for him to handle. As soon as he heard your name being amongst the people they were supposed to pick up, he froze. Finishing his drink and taking a shot on the way out.

He barely small talked with Johnny on the way over. His focus being on Jaehyun, who he spoke with briefly on the phone at the beginning of the car ride. To nervous to think about anything else but you. He knew he would most likely see you tonight, but he didn’t think it would happen this quick. He thought he had some time to think over what he would say to you. Maybe ask you out if things felt alright.

You stopped yourself from starting to giggle at how cute Mark looked upset. It was a look on him that you rarely saw unfortunately.

“It’s no big deal, let’s just wait for Jaehyun, yeah?” Sunny said, quick to resolve the tension between the two boys. You felt a little proud at your best friend for once not riling up the situation but to actually settle it. Johnny turned towards her, a smile on his face as he nodded, agreeing.

“Yeah let’s just do that.”

Not even ten minutes later Jaehyun arrived. Most of your squad going over to sit in his car, leaving you, Sunny, Johnny, Mark, Ellen and Maja to ride with Johnny. Ellen and Maja quickly hopped in taking their places in the front seat and that’s when you realized, there was one to many of you.

“Shotgun!��� As if Sunny read your mind, she quickly claimed the front seat sitting down next to Johnny at the front. Johnny laughed a little at how difficult she had made the situation just now. Feeling a little bad for his awkward friend who now was forced to talk with his crush. 

Mark, however, was in his own bubble, actively avoiding you and all things around him. Without really knowing the situation, he sat down in the car. Taking the last seat, sitting behind Sunny. Maya beside him in the middle and Ellen on the opposite side behind Johnny.

Confused as to why you were still standing outside, he finally acknowledged you. Looking at you nervously biting your lip as you played with your hands, he realized.

“I should-“ He began but Sunny was quick to interrupt him. As if an light bulb lit up above her head, she suddenly had a plan.

“Y/n can just sit on your lap, can’t she Mark?” Johnny quickly turned to Sunny. One hundred percent on board on her plan, exchanging a look with her, telling her he is on board.

Meanwhile, you and Mark awkwardly looked at each other, a little flustered at your best friend’s suggestion. You knew there was no way Ellen or Maya would exchange their comfort for yours. Well, maybe Ellen if she was feeling generous but so far, she hadn’t said a word, indicating this was most likely your faith tonight.

“It’s only a short ride, come on guys we don’t wanna be late.” Johnny knew he was putting a bit of pressure on both of you but maybe that was exactly what you needed. A little push towards something more.

Fuck it, Mark thought to himself. He had imagined you countless of times on his lap. Well, not like this but close enough. He knew he wouldn’t mind it, he just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. As Sunny dragged her seat forward, putting more space in front of Mark he saw how you looked away.

“It’s okay, I don’t mind.” He quickly told you and you looked back at him. Taking a step forward. Your hands feeling sweaty as you do, heart in your throat. Worried he was somehow forced to do this.

“Yeah but like… do you want to?”

“I do!” Mark answered a little too quickly, hearing Johnny and the others in the car trying their best not to laugh. You however, looked shocked. Not expecting those words to come out of his mouth.

“I mean… Let’s just get to the party, okay?” He tried explaining himself and you nodded. Not wanting to make the situation any more awkward for him.

He seated himself properly, knees together, ready for you to sit on his lap. Here goes nothing, you think as you enter the car, sitting down on his lap carefully. Closing the door behind you, you hear Johnny starting the engine. Not wanting to put too much weight on Mark, you tried to keep yourself up a bit, not resting your ass fully on his lap.

Oh boy was Mark in heaven. As you tried to put space in between you, you created the perfect view for Mark that he could have only dreamed off. With your back slightly bent forward he could see the curves of your body perfectly. Trying to stop his imagination from running wild.

He didn’t have to think about for to long though as Jonny took a sharp turn, making you fall right into his lap. Back pressed flush against his chest, trying to balance yourself on his legs. Mark quickly noticed your struggle.

“I’m so sorry I-“ Not wanting you to be uncomfortable the entire ride and also getting a confidence boost out of the alcohol he quickly cut you off.

“Sit down.”

He didn’t mean for it to sound so harsh but honestly, it was like music to your ears. Spreading his legs to make room for your big ass between them, you quickly settled down between them. What you weren’t ready for was for his arms to find their way around your stomach. Pulling you closer to him.

“Better?” He had the audacity to ask. You were glad that he at least couldn’t see your face, feeling your cheeks heat up even more. Mumbling back ‘mhmm’ you relax in his embrace. Ellen and Maya trying their best not to laugh beside you, Johnny and Sunny clueless in the front.

Mark was surprised at how quickly he got comfortable with you on his lap. His mind wandering to how warm and plush your body felt against his. It was most likely the alcohol talking, but he didn’t question it at all when he got the urge to put his head on your shoulder.

You were surprised to feel Mark put his head on your shoulder, but you didn’t complain. Feeling his breath slightly on your neck as he closed his eyes, taking in your scent. Mark realized in that moment, this is what he wanted, and he had to make some move tonight to get it.

At the end of the car ride, you felt so comfortable in Mark’s embrace that you felt a little sad when you started recognizing the surroundings. Meaning the car ride would soon end.

As Johnny pulled up to the parking lot, Mark removed his head from your shoulder. Letting go of his grip around your body. You let out a small sigh of disappointment. Hoping he could hold you for just a little bit longer. Mark silently hoping you didn’t think it was awkward or minded that he put his head on your shoulder.

Sunny was the first one to get out of the car. Quickly shutting the door behind her to open yours. Johnny shaking his head at how many times he had told her to be more careful with the door.

“Let’s go!” She said with excitement, rushing you to get out of the car. Meanwhile, you were panicking about how to get out of the car without falling on your face. The last thing you wanted was to embarrass yourself in front of Mark.

Getting out was surprisingly easier than you thought, Mark moving his body around to help you as much as possible. Getting out of the car and standing beside you once you had gotten out. Looking up at him as he was slightly taller than you, you admire him for a moment. Feeling watched, Mark turned his head, meeting your eyes. He was expecting you to look away as he did, but you didn’t, keeping your gaze locked.

“Thank you,” you muttered, just loud enough for him to hear with how close he was standing next to you. Smiling at you as he nodded his head slightly.

“Yeah, no problem,” he answered quietly. Happy to have you so close to him. He could definitely get used to this. He just needed to figure out what he needed to do in order to make it into reality. And so that’s what he thought about as everyone started walking towards campus once Jaehyun arrived with the rest of your friends.

As the games started, everyone became wasted pretty quickly. What else could you expect when half the penalties involved drinking. Surprisingly, Mark stayed by your side most of the evening. Cheering you on by the side lines and you doing the same for him. It might have been a coincidence that the two of you were on the same team or it could have been the vice presidents doing.

Either way, none of you were complaining as you were small talking in between breaks, getting to know each other. Asking about how each other’s summers had been and the excitement of finally starting college. Holding Mark’s glasses whenever there was an activity that could get them broken. Suddenly, the two of you were just really comfortable in each other’s presence, and you loved it.

Your team ended up on second place, Sana’s team snatching the lead by only three points and it was time to head over to the sorority houses. There were four houses that decided to host parties, mainly because they didn’t want to overcrowd any house. 

Another rule in order to get into the parties was that you had to be a member or be a members plus one. That meaning, if you were a members plus one, that member had to look out for you and make sure you wouldn’t break any rules.

Johnny had already decided on Sunny as his plus one. All of his friends already being in the house and secretly, though he wouldn’t admit it, he wanted to spend more time with her. Jaehyun took Sana as his plus one, happy that their team had won the games earlier, he couldn’t diss his number one player. Ellen and Maya, along with the rest of the gang, had already joined one of the local sorority houses and was on their way over there right now.

You regret your decision not to join a house at this very moment. In your deafens, deciding between the two leading girl houses had been hard and it was a commitment you weren’t ready for yet. Or maybe, you had just forgotten about the last couple of days.

You hoped Johnny could as the vice president bend the rules a little, just a tiny bit for you. Sunny noticed your smile turning into a frown, realising Mark had not asked you to be his plus one. She wanted to say something, but Mark beat her to it. Realizing why you suddenly wore a frown, a little mad at himself for not asking sooner.

“Wanna be my plus one y/n?” It sounded so casual coming out of his mouth. In reality, Mark was terrified of being rejected. Hands shaking a little as the words left his mouth. Turning your gaze towards him, you look at him.

“Yeah, sure.” You answered, a smile on your face as you did, and Mark smiled back. He couldn’t stop what he was saying next as the alcohol started talking for him.

“You’ll have to stay by my side though.” It was one of the rules, yes, but hearing Mark say it to you made you feel butterflies in your stomach. Feeling your face heat up a bit as you nodded.

“Of course.” As the words left your mouth, Mark began to process what he had said a minute ago, cursing at himself. What if he made it awkward? He quickly looked at Johnny, his friend just sending him a wink his way before he started walking towards the 127 house. Sunny by his side, small talking with each other. For the first time ever, Mark was actually not disgusted by his wink but surprisingly reassured.

So, he started walking as well, looking back at you to make sure you were following. You quickly caught up to him, walking beside him in a comfortable silence to the house. Listing to Johnny and Sunny’s conversation as they low-key flirted with each other every now and then. Mark letting you go up the stairs first. A real gentleman move, if it wasn’t for the fact that he wanted to look at your ass for a second without it being obvious. Still missing the view he had in the car.

From there, things escalated pretty quickly. Starting off with a truth or dare game right away. Most of the people at the party gathering to participate. Sitting down in a circle, the game begins with Johnny asking you a question.

“Have you ever given anyone a blowjob?” Your cheeks heat up at the question. By the way Sunny slaps his arm, you figure she probably mentioned it to him. Mark knew Johnny would be asking these type of questions. What he didn’t expect was your answer.

“Yes,” you answered quickly as you continued, “Sunny, what’s your dream scenario?” Shifting the focus to your best friend as she shamelessly tells her dream scenario. Johnny’s eyes lingering on her the whole time.

Mark’s eyes had never shifted its focus on you. Still taken aback at your answer. He knew you probably weren’t a hundred percent innocent, but to hear you’ve given a blowjob was something else. His imagination wandering for just a short moment before Sunny called out his name.

“Truth or dare?” Mark thought about it for a second. Thinking the truth couldn’t be worse than dare.

“Truth.”

“Who is the hottest person in the room?” He was so wrong. He nearly choked on his own spit trying to think of something to say. Should he just be honest? Should he just say it’s you? Turning his head he looks at you and your breath hitches. Maybe you wished for him to say it’s you? Just as much as he wished you would say it’s him if you got the question.

“Y/n.” It could have been the alcohol speaking, making him a little bolder, but Mark knew he had to take his chances.

Your reaction was something Mark didn’t expect. Cheeks red as you try to hide yourself, the room loud with everyone screaming, whistling and howling. Oh how Mark loved that he had an affect on you and oh how you hated it. Your body burning up at the thought of something happening between you and Mark. Did he really mean it? If so, what would happen if you made a move?

The game vent on, it going a few turns before it was your turn again. Mark looking at you through his glasses as your name was shouted. Being asked truth or dare by Jaehyun, you thought there would be no harm in taking a dare.

“Dare.”

“I dare you to… let a boy in this room take a body shot from you.” Everyone gasped in the room at Jaehyun’s words, including you. All you wanted was to avoid the blowjob questions and you got this instead. You could see how happy Daria was across the room, having the time of her life. You made a mental note to never drink her vodka again.

Turning towards Mark, you look at him hesitantly, his jaw clenched as if he was angry or really concentrated. As he meet your eyes, his gaze softened immediately, reminding himself he had absolutely no reason to get jealous. You could do whatever you want. Chose who ever you want to take the body shot of you. It’s not like he was…

“Mark.” His thoughts were interrupted by your voice, looking at him almost pleading.

“Will you do the honour?” Mark laughed. Honestly, this was not the turn he thought his night would take. Breathing rapidly, sweating nervously as he shook his head a little.

“If you won’t, I’ll gladly do it.” Jaehyun spoke and Mark shook his head.

“I’ll do it.” No way was he going to let Jaehyun get anywhere near you. Especially after you had even asked him to do it. No, he was not going to let anyone else get this opportunity with you.

“I’ll get the vodka!” Sunny shouted as she disappeared into the kitchen. Mark looked at you with eyes wide open.

“Vodka?!” He questioned and you just laughed. Oh if he only knew.

“She’s polish, so, it’s basically all she drinks and all she has,” you explained and his mouth made an ‘o’ shape. Well, now it makes a little sense he thought. Mark was still worried about the vodka though. Also, what was a body shot anyway?

He didn’t have to think about it for too long as Sunny came back from the kitchen with a bottle of vodka in her hand. Making her presence known by explaining the rules.

“So, y/n has to take of her shirt and I’ll pour some vodka on her body. It is then up to Mark to drink it all up in whatever way he wants. Got it?” She looks at Mark as she says the last part. He nods hesitantly, oh God why did you pick him out of all people?

I mean, he was your crush yes but, he was probably the only one in the room that hadn’t done it before. You could see that he was clearly flustered, probably didn’t even know what a body shot was until a few seconds ago.

“You want me on the floor or?” You ask, looking Mark in the eyes. Wanting to make it as easy as possible for him. He looked around, all eyes on the two of you, nodding as he let out a nervous sigh.

“Yeah… The floor sounds good.” He answers, trying to sound at least a little bit experienced but failing miserably as you could see right through him.

Okay, here goes nothing you thought as you took of your shirt. Happy that you decided to borrow one of Sunny’s white lace bras tonight. You didn’t dare to look at Mark as you laid down on the floor in the middle of the circle. Everyone’s attention on you as Sunny sits down next to you. Taking the vodka bottle she pours some on your stomach and then some just under breasts.

You hiss at her, trying to get her to stop. She just looks at you, shrugs her shoulders and with a grin on her face, she pours some between your breasts. Such a brat, you thought to yourself, making a friendly reminder to scold her later. She smiled at you one last time, satisfied with her work, before she got up and headed over to Johnny to sit next to him again.

“So I just…?” Mark asked, clearly staling. The view of you laid down in front of him topless was way too much and honestly, he just wanted a moment to breathe. A moment to collect his thoughts so he wouldn’t fuck this up somehow.

“Get on top of her and lick it off, easy peasy!” Johnny encouraged and Mark sent him a glare. Motherfucker knew this wasn’t easy, at least not for him. As he looked at you, he had to take a deep breath. Your breasts looking so appealing to just squeeze but Mark would never do that. God no, he would never have the guts to it no matter how badly he wanted to.

“Okay…” He breathed out, getting down on his knees. Your heart was pounding, and you almost closed your eyes, the situation being all too much. Mark swung his right leg over you, getting on top of you. His head levelled just above your crotch.

“Is this okay?” He asked, almost stumbling across his words. He tried meeting your eyes, but you kept your gaze at the ceiling. To nervous to be able to look him in the eyes.

“Yeah it’s okay, you can begin.” You reassure and not more than five seconds later, you feel Mark’s lips on your stomach as he begins to drink the vodka of your body. Mark thought that if he waited any longer, he would probably chicken out. So, the only option he really had was to just go for it.

The crowd cheered, screaming as Mark drank up the vodka. Feeling the bitter taste on his lips and down his throat as he had to swallow it. Afraid his glasses would fall down for a little bit until he noticed they stayed put. His lips were surprisingly soft, going gently over your skin and really taking his time with the task. He didn’t want to leave a mess on your body. He didn’t want you to feel sticky later.

So, he took his time. The crowds cheering quickly drawn out, his concentration being solely on you. At first, he thought he would hate it but as he got used to the taste, he actually liked it. The feeling of your skin on his lips, the way you shuttered whenever he would lick to get the last drop of you skin. Slowly but surely, he made his way upwards.

As he was just below your breasts, your breath hitched. Having him this close to them was absolute torture, wanting nothing more than for him to just take his time with you. You even got curious at how he looked like kissing your skin like this. Big mistake. As you opened your eyes and looked down you meet his gaze.

When your breath hitched, Mark got curious too. Wanted to see your reaction, see the effect he had on you. So, he looked up as he dragged himself forward, head levelled with your boobs now. His lips just above them. Keeping his gaze on you as he lowered his head again to lick the area just over your boob.

You almost let out a whine at the sight. Mark’s lips all glistering and puffy as if he had just gone down on you. Eyes almost predatory looking at you, intense and watching your every reaction. He couldn’t believe he had this affect on you. He felt as if he was dreaming.

Involuntarily, you moved your hip a little bit upwards, really just trying to get into a more comfortable position as you felt it. Mark was hard. You could feel his semi hard dick against your thigh and now you were officially turned on as well.

As if Mark hadn’t noticed, he continued with his work. Barely paying you anymore attention, well, besides your body. He was horny and wanted you all to himself, if he could make that happen somehow. The thought of you giving him a blowjob or you letting him go down on you sounding like heaven.

You barely noticed when he was finished. It wasn’t until you felt his body slowly move from yours that you opened your eyes. His face was an inch away from yours. So close, yet so far away and it only got further away as Mark got up. Johnny and Jaehyun running up to high five him and hug him way too much for his liking.

Sunny helped you up, holding your shirt in her hand. As you stood beside her and you got your shirt back you felt just how sticky your body felt. In no way did you want to ruin Sunny’s white top by putting it on and stain it with alcohol. To be frank, you also didn’t want to smell like alcohol the whole night as well.

“I think I need to wash myself or something before I put it on.” Agreeing, Sunny nodded, tapping Johnny on the shoulder.

“Is there anywhere she could wash up?” She asks him and Mark’s head turned your way, surprisingly, faster than Johnny’s.

“My room.” Mark quickly answered before Johnny had the chance, without really thinking what he was saying. Realizing pretty quickly what he had said a little bit to eagerly.

“I mean… There is a bathroom in my room. If you wanna use it, I could show you?” He added, nervously kicking his feat, hoping you’d say yes so he could sit in his room for a bit. Wait while you wash up. Cool down. Hopefully get his semi down.

Thankfully, you nodded. With your arms around your chest, Mark noticed how uncomfortable you were. Still topless in your white lace bra.

“Wait a min.” He said before squiring away. Quickly reaching the hall where he had thrown his hoodie the other day. Today he was thankful for his laziness, coming back to you quickly. Holding it out, he waited for you to take it.

“Wear it.” He says almost pleading as he sees the confused look on your face. You felt a little guilty, not wanting to ruin his hoodie.

“I’ll ruin it with the alcohol.”

“I was going to throw it in the washer tomorrow anyway, it’s fine.” He reassures you, and with that, you take the hoodie from him. Muttering a ‘thank you’ to him as you put it on.

The hoodie is soft, reaching almost below your butt. The sleeves a bit long on you but you don’t really care. It definitely smelled like Mark and you get an overwhelming urge to steal it. Wanting to wear it forever.

“It’s nice right?” Mark asks with a smile on his face. Seeing you in his hoodie made him happy. Mostly because you looked so cute in it. The light blue fabric hanging loosely on your body.

“It’s so soft.” You say in awe and Mark chuckles, bringing his hand up to your back, giving you a nudge.

“Come on, I’ll show you the way.” He said as he let go of you. The game continuing in the living room as you follow Mark through the masses of people to the hallway. He began walking up the stairs and you followed him. Every now and then, Mark would look backwards, making sure you were still behind him.

As you walked down the hall on the second floor, Mark gave you a brief tour of all the rooms. The second floor consisted of mostly different bedrooms, most of the sorority members sleeping there. A few having their bedrooms on the first floor. One common room could be found upstairs, mostly used for gaming with a total of five desk’s sitting there. As the tour went on, you reached the end of the hall and Mark pointed towards a door.

“This is me,” he announced as he pulled out a key to unlock the door. Opening the door, he let you go in first.

“I’m sorry it’s messy, I didn’t expect anyone to come here to be honest,” he nervously apologized. Scratching the back of his head. Looking around, you see a single bed, a mirror in front of it, a desk beside the bed and a wardrobe next to another door. Some clothes piled onto his desk chair. Messy papers splayed out on his desk. His bead neatly done with dark blue bed covers.

“Oh no, it’s totally fine,” you say quickly. If he only knew this was nothing compared to how your room looks when it’s messy. As Mark’s goes over to his desk, beginning to clean up the papers, you glance at the mirror. Seeing how it’s positioned right in front of the bed’s side.

“You know you shouldn’t have your mirror placed like that?” You say and Mark looks up, brows furrowed, a pout on his face.

“Why?” He asks, clearly confused at your statement.

“Mirrors are like… a gateway into other dimensions… So, like… a demon could totally kill you in your sleep right now.” You say, a hint of seriousness in your tone. Mark chuckles. Oh so that’s where you were going with that, he thought.

“That probably explains the scratch marks on my back,” he jokingly says and you look at him with eyes wide open.

“I’m just joking! Don’t worry.” He laughs and the sound of it sounds like music to your ears. You laugh with him, shaking your head.

“I’d totally would’ve had to call an exorcist otherwise.”

“My dad knows a few so if that were the case, I think he could get the very best on the job.” Mark says and as if a lightbulb got lit up above your head, you were reminded of something your mom had told you earlier.

“Wait, didn’t your dad operate his leg or something? How is he feeling?” Mark was surprised that you knew about the operation his dad had a few weeks ago. Your parents do talk from time to time but to think that you took an interest in his family as well was something he didn’t expect.

“Yeah, he had surgery on his left knee. It’s all good now though thanks to the surgery.” He answered and you nodded.

“I’m glad to hear that.” Offering him a smile as you point to the door in the room.

“Is that the bathroom?” You ask and Mark nods. Heading over to his wardrobe as he passes by you.

“Yeah, let me just get you a towel… ah! Here you go.” He hands you a white towel and you take it gratefully. Your hands touching as you do. Looking away for a second, you felt how Mark let his eyes linger on you.

“I’ll just…” You trailed off and Mark nodded, taking a step back. Giving you some space. Turning your heel, you began walking towards the bathroom door.

“Yeah… I’ll just wait here for you… Take your time,” he said, meeting your eyes just as you were about to close the door. Nodding once again, before you closed the bathroom door.

Letting out a sigh as you rest for a second against the door before going over to the mirror. Looking at yourself in Mark’s hoodie, you notice how cute you looked in it. A smile on your lips as you took it off. Beginning right away to soak the towel in your hand so you could clean yourself up.

Mark finished cleaning his desk before he sat down on his bed. With his back against the wall, he sighed, closing his eyes. Tilting his head back, taking a few deep breaths. Pep talking to himself in his head. He just had to ask you. What’s the worst thing that could happen? That you reject him?

Well… that’s pretty bad but at least he would have asked. Right? You’re as new to this as he his. Wait no, scratch that. Your summer had been filled with giving guys blowjobs after all, while his… well… it was rather spent visiting old friends and playing sports. Maybe you could teach him somehow? If you had more experience, maybe you could help him?

When you were done, you put on Sunny’s white shirt. Looking at yourself in the mirror one last time before opening the door, stepping into Mark’s bedroom again. As soon as he heard the bathroom door open, Mark opened his eyes to be meet with yours. Here goes all or nothing before he alcohol wears off he thought.

“Could you teach me?” Mark asked, and you looked at him confused. Going over to his bed as you asked him, “teach you what?”

You reached his bed in a few strides and decided to sit down on it next to him. As you sat down next to him, Mark laughed nervously, bringing his hands up to cover his face. Looking forward as he answers your question.

“Like blowjobs and stuff.” He tries to clarify but wants to mentally slap himself for that answer. Your heart pounding at his words. Not believing what you were hearing. Your crush, Mark Lee, wanted a blowjob from you? Mark finally turned his head to look at you, trying to read your face as he waited for your reaction.

“Like right now?” You felt dumb for asking, of course he probably meant right now, what were you thinking? By the way Mark looked away scratching his head, shrugging his shoulders, you felt dumb for making it awkward. In reality, Mark never meant this conversations to go this way. He was supposed to ask you out. Not whatever this was.

“I mean, you don’t have to right now… It’s just-“

“Yes,” you cut in before Mark has the chance to finish his sentence. Confused, he looks at you. Eyes wide open.

“What… what do you?”

“I’ll blow you… or give you a handjob… if that’s what you want?” You say nervously and Mark feels his dick twitch at your words. You want to blow him? Right now? Is this even real? Besides, he was supposed to fix his semi, not make it worse. Well, in a way, this could be a way to fix it.

“Yeah, yeah God, yes- but like only if you want it?”

“I want it- I mean I want to!” You quickly correct yourself, still wanting to slap yourself in the face for your poor choice of wording. Probably turning Mark off with your way to stumble across words.

On the opposite, Mark got more turned on, his breathing a bit more rapid now. Hearing you say it… still felt unreal and if someone pinched him, and this was all a dream, he would be so mad.

“So…” you start, nervously fumbling with your hands, “you want to show me how you like it?”

“How I like it?” Mark asked dumbfounded, turning his body slightly towards yours. Looking down at your lips, a desire to kiss them rising in his body. Looking up again, he meet your eyes. You tucked a strand of hair behind your ear and Mark bit his lip at the sight. You looked way to cute to be just about to give him a blowjob.

“Well yeah…” Looking at the mirror, you suddenly get an idea. “Let me sit behind you.”

Mark doesn’t question it and scoots forward, giving you space to sit behind him. You crawl your way over, head feeling as if it’s about to explode from how nervous you were feeling. Wanting to make him feel good, you didn’t want to fuck it up somehow. It was only logical that he showed you first… right?

Once you sat comfortably behind him, you placed your legs on either side of his, placing your hands on your thick thighs. You realized Mark was waiting for your next move. Pressing yourself forward you whispered in his ear, “take off your pants.”

Mark did as you told him, taking his boxers with him. Pulling them down to rest just above his knees. His semi hard cock resting upon his thigh. Biting you lip at the sigh, Mark turns his head towards you once he had thrown his pants and boxers away.

“Now what?” He whispered back and you couldn’t help but to feel yourself getting wet.

“Lean back against me… get yourself comfortable.” You commanded and Mark did as he was told. You got yourself comfortable against the wall and Mark leaned back against you. Placing his head between your boobs for the second time today.

“Touch yourself… slowly…” you whispered in his ear. Looking in the mirror, you meet Mark’s eyes, filled with lust and desire to comply. Never in a million year did he think he would end up in this situation but here he was. With his dick out in front of his crush.

As Mark began to wrap his hand around his dick, you moaned breathlessly at the sight. A smirk on Mark’s face as you did. If you were just as turned on as he was that meant you’d be soaking wet. The thought of your glistering pussy is what made Mark start to pump his hand up and down his dick. Not to fast though, you’d told him to go slowly after all.

His cock quickly getting fully hard in his hand. Precum beginning to leak out of it. With a groan, Mark relaxed in your embrace. His head falling down completely on your boobs, enjoying how soft they felt.

“Show me how you like it.” You breathlessly say, mesmerized by the sight in the mirror. Completely gone in your own world. Never had you been this turned on in your entire life. Mark took his hand upwards, circling the tip of his dick with his thumb.

Mark’s glasses began to slip off and you quickly took hold of them. Placing them on the nightstand next to bed. Mark being way to into his own thoughts to barely even notice. His eyes closed, mouth slightly open, breathing uneven. In all honesty, you barely wanted to interrupt him.

“Want me to touch you?” You purred and Mark whined.

“Fuck… yeah, please.” Letting go of his cock, Mark took a deep breath. Trying to calm himself down as your hands reached his thighs, resting them for a second, taking a deep breath as you tried to find all the courage you could. You could do this. You had Mark right in the hand of your palm, literally, and this was the hottest thing you’ve ever done so far.

Panting, Mark felt as a drop of sweat slowly made its way down his face. Taking one hand to brush his hair backwards as he suddenly bent forward, taking you by surprise. Taking hold of his shirt, Mark quickly removed it and threw it on the bedroom floor.

“Too hot…” He muttered and you couldn’t agree more. His toned chest now on display for you as well. He was indeed too hot. Smiling to yourself at your joke. As he laid down comfortably against you again, you tried to remember what Mark liked.

Well, he began stroking himself up and down, so that’s a good start, right? Taking your hand, you wrap it around his dick. Loving the way it twitched as soon as you squeezed it a little. Pumping up and down slowly. Earning small moans from Mark that went straight to your neglected clit. Your tried keeping your focus on Mark and not get lost into the pleasure, looking in the mirror as you squeeze and stroke him.

Mark was completely lost for words. He was in heaven. Your hand feeling so good with how little you were doing. It was probably all the teasing Mark had endured over the night from you. Making him and his dick needy and in need of immediate attention. As you brought your hand over to the tip of his cock, moving your thumb around the tip in slow circular motions, Mark moaned.

“Fuck… please… more…” Hearing him beg must have been just about the hottest thing you’ve ever heard. Wanting nothing more than to please him, you speed up your thumb a little bit. Going faster around his tip. Your other hand, wrapping itself around his shaft, going up and down. You wanted nothing else but for him to cum.

“That feels so good.” Mark pleaded and you started feeling yourself growing cocky.

“Yeah? Baby boy likes that?” You don’t know what comes over you but the nickname rolls of your lips so naturally and judging by Mark’s reaction, he was into it. Moaning as his dick twitches, you feel his hands move to your thighs, grabbing them. Holding onto them as if they were his life support.

“I’m so close,” he confessed and you almost moaned at how good it felt to have his hands on your thighs, moving them up and down. Making you wonder how his fingers could possibly feel inside your pussy. Stretching you out, making you ready for his cock.

“Yeah… gonna cum for me?” You ask him and feel how his hands grab hold of your thighs. Almost grabbing you painfully hard from all the pleasure he wasn’t sure how to process.

“Yeah…Can-can I?” Mark stuttered and you sped up, going as fast as you could even though you started feeling really tired. Your eyes on the mirror, looking at Mark falling apart in your arms, pleading, his whole body begging to get the sweet release it had been craving.

“Cum for me.” As soon as the words left your lips, you felt Mark’s cock twitch. His cum getting on your hand as well as shooting up on his stomach. Slowing down your movements, you ride out Mark’s high. Only stopping once you hear him whine. Letting go of his cock as he falls back into your arms. Exhausted, resting his body against yours.

You stay like that for a moment. Mark collecting his breathing as you try to collect your thoughts. Make yourself somehow believe this was all real. That somehow you had gotten to give your crush, no, you had made your crush cum in your arms, by your hands. Never did you think you could get so turned on by someone being so needy, so pouty in your arms.

You almost wanted more, but you knew there was no way Mark would be ready for another round in a while. You wouldn’t even dare to initiate anything if you were being honest. Sitting in silence, you waited for Mark to make a move.

Mark had a hard time collecting his thoughts and besides, your embrace was way to comfortable to move from. But soon enough, his cum started feeling sticky and he knew you most likely had cum on your hands as well. Not wanting to cause you any discomfort, Mark decided to move. Getting up, putting on his pants.

“You wanna…?” Mark hoped to God you knew what he meant. He didn’t want to have to spell out ‘you wanna wash your hands first of my cum or should I go?’. Nodding, you quickly got out of the bed. Your heart pounding as you went over to the bathroom. Looking at yourself in the mirror as you wash your hands you think to yourself ‘what now?’. What did this all mean?

Not wanting to keep Mark waiting, you got of his bathroom. Giving him a smile as you meet his eyes. Giving you a smile back, Mark goes into the bathroom and begins to wash himself. Thinking to himself how could he possibly have gotten this lucky? Not only were you the cutest, nicest person he knew, you also knew how to give him a mind blowing orgasm.

As panic started to set into your system, worrying what to say when Mark comes back, you decide it’s probably best to leave. Well, if you were normal, you could’ve just stayed but no, you couldn’t handle it if it turned awkward or anything. So, you convince yourself the best move is to probably leave.

Looking over at his desk, you see that he cleaned up. Going over, you open the first notebook you could find. Scrambling a note on it. Hoping he will see it later before you make your way to the door. Looking behind you as you step out of his room. Closing the door behind you. Oh God what a mess you’ve made. How were you supposed to function around Mark Lee now?   

[rahleeyah]

Hi hello! I just wanted to pop by and echo your pervious anon and say just how devastatingly beautiful your EO fic is. I love the convention of an outsider’s perspective and seeing Liv though Eli’s eyes in Stubborn Love and Elliot through Lindstrom’s in Intercession. Like I kept stubborn love open in a tab for a week refreshing on the daily between reading chapter 1 and when you updated because it lives in my soul now.

I love the idea of Noah accidentally narcing on Liv to Amanda. And Amanda getting her hackles up to tell Elliot that he needs get his shit together if he’s going to be spending time with Liv because she’s been through too goddamn much to be piecing his life back together too.

What popped in to my head was the idea of Liv seeing how much Eli misses his life in Rome and maybe she’s never going to be able to cook well enough to make it feel like home, but she starts talking to Eli in Italian. And the first time she does it is actually kind of a lark because Eli had spaced out and she had asked him the same question twice but hadn’t gotten an answer. So for some reason, mostly joking, she asks again in Italian and he responds without realizing then freezes looks at her like who is this woman? She laughs it off but from then on Eli will talk to Liv in Italian—not all the time, because as the youngest of 5 he’s keenly aware of what it feels like to get shut of of a conversation and would never want Noah to feel that way with his mom—but just enough that Eli doesn’t feel like he’s going to lose that part of himself too.

Also thank you for letting Liv come apart at the seams just a little bit in Intercession as we all know she needs to. GIRL HAS BEEN THROUGH IT. It’s too much.

Anyway, can’t wait to see what you’ve got planned next!

ANON. what a gift this message is. I love your brain. And I am so grateful to you for your kind words about the work. I'm doing something a little different from my usual with these stories but it's just bc what's happening between Elliot and Olivia at this juncture in their lives is so compelling to me that I wanna SCREAM and then examine it from every possible angle. So thank you for coming along for the ride, and for being so dang nice.

SECOND. AMANDA BROWBEATING ELLIOT INTO BEING A BETTER MAN FOR LIV YES PLEASEEEEEEE like. We know Amanda will throw down for Olivia. We know that when she suspected Cassidy was hiding out in Liv's apartment - and risking Liv's career - Amanda goes straight there and reads him the riot act until he finally breaks and takes responsibility for his own stupidity. If she sees Liv struggling, sad, tired, and hears rumors about Elliot going off the deep end?? If she arranges a meet with him? If she starts laying into him but Elliot's no Cassidy and he gets right back into her face? Please give me Amanda mad as a hornet and Elliot defensive and both of them slowly, begrudgingly growing to respect each other and their love for Liv.

THIRD - ANON YES PLEASE. Olivia speaking Italian to Eli to help him feel more at home 😭😭😭😭 Eli being a little 😳 when the Italian comes out of her mouth - her accent is better than his dad's - he just wasn't expecting it and every time he turns around she surprises him, and goes out of her way to make him feel welcome. WHAT ABOUT ELI AT THE STATION, ANGRY ABOUT SOMETHING HIS DAD'S DONE, AND THEY END UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SQUAD ROOM HAVING A FURIOUS CONVERSATION IN ITALIAN WHILE EVERYONE WATCHES LIKE 👀👀👀👀?? Eli teaching Italian to Noah, just a few words here and there, and Liv is 🥰🥰🥰 watching her boys together. Liv helping Eli feel connected to his old life, letting him know it's ok to miss the way things used to be but that doesn't mean he can't build something good right where he is.

FOURTH: GOOD GOD LIV NEEDS A BREAK like???? After all of this? Tucker, Simon, covid, the lawsuit, Kathy, Elliot, being held hostage again; Olivia has to be close to snapping. I want to see her have a come apart. I want to see what's going on in her head and honestly I would love to see her get in Elliot's face about it. He needs to know what he's doing to her. He needs to know he isn't the only one suffering. He needs to know he's not alone. He probably could do with a quick kick in the teeth too. I loved giving Liv a chance to vent a little and I'm looking at Lindstrom coming back for one of these new episodes like please on god please tell me they're bringing him back to give her the chance to get it all out. If they just needed a psychiatrist they could use any actor but they picked him and I'm just hoping that means maybe we'll catch a glimpse of Olivia talking honestly about what's going on. Just the thought of it is making me feral.

[the-irish-mayhem]

Fosterson Fic Rec Masterlist: Multichapters

The Main Reclist has been split to fix the links that tumblr decided to break if there were too many of them in a single post. I’ll be keeping the main reclist updated (even if the links appear broken) as well as maintaining this list and the list for oneshots.

I need help expanding this list! If you have any favorites or fics of your own of your own you don’t see included in this list and you’d like to submit for consideration, please drop me a line.

List updated April 2020. New additions marked with **

Updated during this wild quarantined time, which should serve as a reminder to everyone to APPRECIATE YOUR CONTENT CREATORS! Leave all the comments and kudos to show our love for everything they do. Big thanks to everyone who recommended and/or created content for this amazing ship.

Rated G/K-K+

**The World has Turned and Left Me Here by alwaysaprilia: Jane Foster’s mission is impossible: build a wormhole, save the world. Thor Odinson thinks his task is even more impossible: keep Jane Foster alive long enough for her to accomplish her mission. AKA: What-to-do-when-the-damsel-in-distress-keeps-distressing-you. Rec: This is such a lovely little AU fic, brings in such an expansive world so succinctly and smoothly. | 16k | In progress

**Unspoken by igi_pigi: Post bringing his brother back to Asgard from Midgard, Thor is told by Heimdall that Jane Foster has decided to stop looking for him. [Set after Avengers1.] Rec: Angsty, with some nice Frigga content. | 4.8k | Complete

**Overlapping Spaces by khilari, Persephone_Kore: Thor returns to Earth a month after the Chitauri invasion to keep his promises -- to see Jane again, and take her to see Asgard, even if the rainbow bridge is still undergoing repairs. Not that Jane is complaining about watching the repairs. But she wasn't expecting Loki to be haunting the palace library, even in psychiatric care; and Loki wasn't expecting to make friends with Thor's mortal girlfriend. Rec: If you’re looking for a good, long Jane-centric fic that also features endgame fosterson, a well written Loki, and really interesting take on Asgardian culture, this is the fic for you. | 107k | Complete

IW Coda by hariboowrites: THOR AND JANE FOCUSED CODA TO IW bc i am who i am. Rec: We all need a fosterson followup to Infinity War, and this one has an ending that made me scream internally with excitement. Make this the opening of the next Avengers movie pls. | ~4k | Complete

Five Times Jane Was Kinda Jealous And One Time Thor Was by shinyopals: ‘Hello, Jane,’ said Thor. He gave her a smile that would move mountains and definitely still made her stomach flutter. ‘This is Rachael and Amanda. They wished to give their regards for my help during the Convergence. Although of course without you we would have been hopeless.’ He turned back to Rachael and Amanda. ‘This is my dear friend Dr Jane Foster, of whom I was speaking.’ Dear friend? Jane blinked. They’d been sleeping together for a couple of weeks and had had a slightly awkward conversation to establish where they stood with each other (what Jane called dating exclusively and Thor called a courtship). “Friend”, however “dear”, seemed a bit of an understatement. Sometimes dating a gorgeous world-saving alien prince has its drawbacks. Rec: BURY ME AND HAVE THIS JEALOUSY FIC PRINTED ON MY TOMBSTONE. I usually don’t like the toxicity most jealousy fics are infused with, but this one is so pure and wonderful. I could read it every damn day. | 14k | Complete

The Arizona Banana Famine by Niobium: Thor experiences the simpler side of Earth. Rec: Absolutely hilarious. Thor + shenanigans of living on Earth and trying to hide his identity + Jane helping him to varying effect. | 7k | Complete

Non Est Ad Astra Mollis e Terris Via (there is no easy way from the earth to the stars) by Rozilla: Jane Foster keeps out of social media mostly, but does keep a blog for all things science. With a few personal posts thrown in. Edited (with sarcastic asides) by Darcy Lewis. Rec: Fosterson is mentioned often, but Jane’s voice is incredibly worthwhile. | 10.4k | Complete

Hidden resonances by kes: After the vision Wanda Maximoff gave him, Thor had more questions than answers, and so he sought truth with Jane, in a cave beneath the mountains. Rec: A really great fix-it taking place during AOU, plus some fosterson feels. | 6k | Complete

Time and Trouble by shinyopals: Frigga thinks she knows exactly what to expect from the rest of her life. Then one son perishes and returns, whilst the other falls for a mortal woman who’s like nothing Frigga could have predicted.(Frigga’s POV from the end of Thor right through to post-TDW.) Rec: BLESS ALL FRIGGA-CENTRIC FICS. Great outside perspective fosterson, plus a TDW fix-it. | 14k | Complete

If You Want To Live series by hariboo: They lost Loki when they sunk Manhattan. Three years laters Loki finds them and that’s really when everything begins. This is that beginning. Rec: Terminator fusion AU that you didn’t realize you needed until now. Knowledge of the Terminator films is helpful but not required. The 'needing each other’ that comes along with a desperate post-apocalyptic situation really lends itself well to fosterson. It also hurts a hell of a lot. I wish it wasn’t finished. | 5k | Complete

Fabulous Baking Sisters or How to (not) Get Over A Norse God in 730 Days by Rozilla: After seeing Jane in a slump one too many times, Darcy decides to get her into stress baking… and soon regrets it. Rec: A lot of Jane/Darcy brotp, but lots of fosterson goodness especially near the end. The phrase “sex coma” is definitely used. | 8.5k | Complete

Waking Ease by Salmon_Pink: Thor/Jane, rated G. Set after Thor: The Dark World. Written for Comic Drabbles, prompt "halo”. Rec: very, very short, but cute. This is a part of a larger series by this author, but this is the only fosterson chapter I’ve seen so far. | <1k | In progress

Hold the Sun by writerblocked: Thor and Jane (and everyone else) share a meal. Rec: A nice peek into regular life, complete with some touches of angst and fluff at the same time. This story, like the above rec, is a part of a larger work that does not solely include fosterson. | <1k | Complete

If She Is Worthy by Mr. Chaos: During the battle with The Destroyer, Mjolnir returns to Thor’s hand. But what if Selvig hadn’t pulled Jane away? And what if it wasn’t just Thor that had proven himself worthy? Rec: Jane kicking ass and taking names with Mjolnir. Nuff said. Downside? A giant twist at the end and still waiting for a sequel. | 4.5k | Complete

A Story of Us by me: Short and sweet prompt fills. All feature Thor and Jane as the main couple and are all just ridiculous fluff. Rec: A collection of my prompt fills from tumblr. It wouldn’t be a true reclist without a self-plug. | 26.2k | In progress

Rated T

The Foster Edition series by asoulofstars, MissChrisDaae: What happens when Jane Foster is in the Battle of Manhattan? In short, it changes everything. Rec: FIXING MARVEL WITH JANE FOSTER IS THE BEST, NAY, THE ONLY SOLUTION I WILL ACCEPT. | 60k | In progress

Game Changer by asoulofstars, MissChrisDaae: In the aftermath of the Convergence, Jane and Thor return to Earth in search of the scepter, and the Avengers slowly begin to reassemble. Across the cosmos and on Earth itself, enemies begin to gather, enemies that threaten everything the team has ever fought for, and Jane is faced with something just as daunting, but far more personal. Evolving from a mortal to a goddess. From a spectator to a player. From a scientist to a queen. Rec: A fluffy setup for something big, I can feel it. | 8k | In progress

A Magical Solution to the Einstein Field Equations by shinyopals: Jane Foster has got enough on her plate, what with being a full time researcher, giving lectures, applying for grants, writing books, and consulting for Stark Industries. When Thor drops off the face of the universe and leaves her on Earth with no clues as to where he is, she doesn’t know what to do or how to find him.Then an attack on Stark Industries changes everything, and she finds herself getting thrown into a life that she’s previously only watched from the sidelines, and where getting punched through a wall is suddenly just an average day of the week. Rec: THE MOST PERFECT RAGNAROK AU TO EVER EXIST ANYWHERE EVER. EASILY ONE OF MY FAVORITE FICS OF ALL TIME. | 56k | Complete

Ace in the Hole by MissChrisDaae: Working alongside Selvig on Project PEGASUS, Jane manages to escape when Loki arrives, bringing with her the data on the Tesseract, and making herself SHIELD's biggest resource in combating the rogue trickster. At least until her semi-boyfriend finally makes good on his promise to come back, and she finds herself caught in the middle of a war. And she might be a key part in stopping it. Rec: MOAR JANE IN THE AVENGERS. MOAR JANE BEING VALUED IN THE MCU. MOOOOAAAAAR. | 11.5k | Complete | Part of The Foster Edition series

Wild Card by MissChrisDaae: Separation is, for Thor and Jane, a little easier in knowing what's happening to each other, but they have their own trials to face. In the midst of a war, Thor learns of a force greater than anything he has ever faced, one that could change the fates of both himself and and the woman he loves. Nothing is certain, and the burdens of his family, his life, and his love are weighing heavily upon him. Working with Betty Ross, Jane works to understand the secrets of the universe, unaware of the fact that she's being tested with every move she makes. When she temporarily moves to look after her mother's house in London, she and Darcy come across the Convergence. And, for the third time, Jane's life is turned upside down by an ancient force from another realm. Rec: Canon divergent Fosterson is my freakin JaaaaAAAAm. Also BETTY ROSS. A great replacement for canon if you’re feeling Salty. | 33k | In progress | Part of The Foster Edition series

Dancer in the Dark by MissChrisDaae: Jane Foster has always been a member of the corps de ballet, and has never voiced complaint until one night when she indulges in the fantasy of being the prima ballerina. A mysterious voice calls out to her, tempting her, coaching her, offering to make her a star, and she accepts. Months later, the prophecy comes to light when the star of the company becomes mysteriously indisposed. Jane is suddenly cast into the spotlight, becoming an immediate success, but she only has eyes for Thor, the young scion to the ballet's greatest patron family, who has been masquerading as a stagehand in order to continue a longstanding liaison with her. But Jane's made a deal with something far worse than the devil, and now he's coming to claim his due. Rec: A ballet AU that reminds me a lot of Black Swan tone-wise. Warning though, there is a love triangle that includes Lokane. | 9.6k | In progress

Five Times Having An Alien Prince's Baby Sucked A Lot, And One Time It Didn't by shinyopals: It was the doctor’s turn to look nonplussed. ‘Dr Foster,’ she said quietly, ‘you’re around four weeks pregnant.’ ‘No I’m not,’ said Jane again. She was pretty sure she’d remember if Thor had reappeared for some awesome sex a month ago. He had not. She’d gotten through enough batteries to prove it. Jane isn't quite sure how this all happened. She just knows it's a lot of work and it keeps taking her away from her Physics. Rec: The Definitive™ Fosterson babyfic. I’m generally not much for babyfic because I’m not much for babies. But I’ve read this so many times and it’s so incredibly wonderful. | 24k | Complete

Strange Earth series by Niobium: The apocalypse has come and gone, leaving the Earth strange and altered in its wake. What was once a thriving world of magic and science has become a tractless, untamed Wilderness teeming with dangerous creatures born of warped energy pouring through rents in the fabric of space and time. Society has withdrawn into magically-walled Wards to keep itself safe as it seeks a way to reclaim the planet before it’s twisted beyond all recognition, and its Seers and Champions struggle to protect humanity and one another. Rec: An incredibly imaginative ghost hunting AU. Great world building, and fantastic interaction between Jane and Thor. | 12.6k | In progress

The Obloquy of Newness by Niobium: Jane just wants to present her findings and maybe win a Nobel Prize. That would be a lot easier if all these xenophobes, science deniers, and robots bent on world destruction would stop getting in the way. Or, Jane Foster and Darcy Lewis, and what they were up to before, during, and after Avengers: Age of Ultron. Rec: A really delightful companion to AOU. | 17.4k | Complete

Sex Ed For Asgardians (Isn’t Exactly Necessary) by shinyopals: 'It’s a condom,’ Jane said eventually, reminding herself she was an adult in an adult relationship, albeit a very new one with an alien forty times her age who could hardly be expected to know what Earth birth control was like. Jane and Pepper learn that some myths and legends are true. Rec: I have no idea why this wasn’t on the reclist before. It’s hilarious and also really heartfelt. I love Respectfulinthebedroom!Thor. I love the open communication between them. Lawd. | 3.4k | Complete

Pedulum: Beginning by hariboo: Kept apart, with worlds between them, Jane and Thor do not give up on one day finding each other again. Rec: Exquisite buildup to a reunion. Both Jane and Thor are in-character with their own agency, but its obvious they’re nuts for each other. | 28.5k | Complete | Part of in progress series, Pendulum

Pendulum: Between by hariboo: Having found each other again doesn’t mean things have gotten easier for Thor and Jane. In some ways things are only getting more complicated. At least now they can face whatever comes their way together. Rec: Continiation of Beginning (recced above). Nuanced, sweet, messy, fantastic character dynamics, and with a great plot. | 56.8k | Complete | Part of in progress series, Pendulum

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Guardians of the Galaxy by Maybug: Jane Foster and Thor are finally getting married! Most couples go a little crazy when they’re ecstatically happy, unfortunately for these two going crazy involves knocking a hole in spacetime and marooning themselves and two of Jane’s friends on a desolate and dangerous planet halfway across the galaxy. Meanwhile Darcy, Sif and Bill are trying to find them in Skuttlebutt. Will they survive? Will they make it to the wedding in time? Will Thor’s attempts to communicate with Groot drive everyone crazy? Will Darcy get to witness Jane’s brief Goth phase? Will Jane’s friend Sayed get over his Star-Trek inspired fantasies about green-skinned alien women? Find out in the next exciting installment of Journey into Mishap! Rec: Part of a really great series by a great author. Humorous and kind of cracky. Mixture of MCU and comic canon. Just one chapter short of completion. | 12.7k | In progress | Part of Journey into Mishap and the Fosterson Files

Welcome to the Fall by Niobium: The Avengers pick up the pieces in the aftermath of Sokovia. Inter- and post-film gap-fillers and ficlets, with varying POV characters. A couple of them are slightly canon divergent and will be labeled as such. Rec: A really solid piece of prose, careful of canon while building upon it/improving it. The fosterson is handled really well. | 5.5k | Complete

The House of Foster by ArticulatioHumeri: She had set out to study wormholes. Never would Jane Foster have thought that it would lay the foundations of a family clan. Rec: Great fosterson moments, and with proper time devoted to them. A good, long read. Probably the longest fic I have on this list, and the longest Marvel fic that actually legitimately features Fosterson prominently. | 224k | Complete

The Measure of a Man by fayedartmouth: Thor is banished to Earth. Reclaiming his worth is harder than he thinks it will be. AU of the movie Thor. Rec: By now, y’all know I love fics where Thor was on Earth longer than in canon. This is probably my favorite, because Thor is incredibly well-written, and the cultural/personal struggles he encounters are written fantastically. The fosterson is incredibly organic and lovely. | 140.7k | Complete

Towards the Storm by iwillavengeyou: Jane Foster is worthy. Jane Foster is the Mighty Thor. But was she always this way? This fic seeks to examine Jane’s path to picking up the mighty hammer Mjolnir, and her journey as a heroine who, underneath it all, is only human. Rec: One of the few fics I’ve been able to find and enjoy that deals with Jane’s place as Thor in the 616 universe. I like the story’s trajectory, but it has since been orphaned. If anyone wants to... ya know... pick it up... that’d be swell. | 1.5k | In progress

As You Wish by MissChrisDaae: After the apparent death of the only man she will ever love, Jane finds herself the unwilling bride-to-be of the kingdom’s icy hearted crown prince, whose interest in her is almost as unnerving as the man himself. Before the wedding can take place, Jane finds herself in the hands of three kidnappers, her life in danger, and a mysterious figure in black pursuing them. Fencing. Fighting. Torture. Revenge. Giants. Monsters. Chases. Escapes. True love. Miracles. What more does a story need? Rec: THE PRINCESS BRIDE FUSION THAT YOU DIDN’T KNOW YOU NEEDED UNTIL NOW. Also Sif is Indigo Montoya. If the fosterson wasn’t enough to get you to read it. | 21.3k | Complete

Girls’ Night by Maybug: With Thor in Asgard and the other Avengers away on a mission, Darcy, Betty, Pepper and Jane decide to have a girls’ night. A certain supervillain has other plans, but it’s nothing they can’t handle. Rec: fosterson is background, but you all know I can’t resist a good Marvel ladies asskicking story. Story is mostly from Jane’s POV, so good insights on fosterson. | 11.2k | In progress

Thor 2 Rewritten: The Shaded Tree by kes: Rec: A series of oneshots and short multichapters that rewrite the second Thor movie. Not everything is over fosterson, but it’s always an undercurrent. Worth the read. Such a great alternative to canon. | 44k | Incomplete, abandoned

don’t need no ammunition (ain’t the bridge that’s falling down) by anthropologicalhands: Thor (2011) AU. After the battle at Jotunheim, something goes wrong and Sif finds herself stranded on Midgard. Jane is still chasing bridges and wants to know how this strange woman got in her atmospheric disturbance. Darcy’s psyched…and a little freaked out. Meanwhile, Thor and Loki embark on an quest (actually: intergalactic road trip) to rescue Sif. Thor has to prove himself. Loki is having an identity crisis. Do the math. Rec: Great interactions with everyone. Jane and Thor are still absolutely smitten despite the different circumstances. Loki/Sif is also a main pairing. | 39k | Complete

Fate Has Brought Us Together by asoulofstars: A series of one-shots detailing the lives of Thor Odinson and Jane Foster. Set after the events of Thor: The Dark World. Rec: We all know I’m a sucker for fosterson fluffies. The chapters are generally short and sweet. Read for smiles and butterflies and rainbow puking. | 9.9k | In progress

We Have Joyed To Be Forlorn by Niobium: Jane Foster’s life carries on in the wake of the Convergence, complete with exciting new research prospects, a displaced and grieving alien, considerations on the functionality of magic, and massive shakeups in world espionage. Or, The continuing adventures of Jane Foster, from the end of Thor: The Dark World to just after the events of Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Rec: What it says on the tin. I highly recommend reading anything by this author. Both Jane and Thor are done justice to, beautifully. Lots of cutesy Fosterson that feels very real and not just like a fangirl threw up on a page. Really a gorgeous story. | 13.8k | Complete

Rowing in Eden by ancarett: The Bifrost is no longer broken but is becoming unpredictable: delivering its travellers far afield. With Midgard’s link to Asgard at risk, Jane and Thor have to restore stability to the wormhole or risk being separated forever. Rec: Jane and Thor doing science together and being cute together. Features all the Avengers. | 34.5k | Complete

Fundamental Forces by nayanroo: In an attempt to rein in the son that remains to her after Thor’s banishment, Frigga arranges a marriage between two old friends in the hopes that they can work together to heal an eroded realm. On Earth, a prince searches for identity after his world is turned upside-down. And in the darkness, something stirs. Rec: mostly a Loki/Sif pairing story, but there is enough fosterson to give a rec. Even if it wasn’t, I’d still rec it somewhere else. One of the most well-thought out stories I’ve read (part of an amazing series, which contains gratuitous fosterson) with incredible characterizations. Great plot, monstrous word counts in chapters. | 181k | Complete | Part of in progress series, The Kingsverse

When the Stars Fall Up by Nyxelestia: Loki is not so foolish as to let his pride get in the way of his plans. And Thor learns there is a lot more to being a king than being brave. Rec: Despite a Loki-heavy intro, we get some good Jane/Thor in the second chapter. It’s incomplete, and hasn’t been update in a long time, but I feel like it is going somewhere good if it is continued. | 7.3k | In progress, possibly abandoned

Watchtower by me: When research on the Tesseract begins, SHIELD recruits Jane Foster instead of Eric Selvig to harness the other-worldly artifact. When Loki raids the facility, he takes over the mind of the mortal woman his brother loves. The Avengers with Jane Foster in Eric Selvig’s place. Rec: Because it wouldn’t be a true reclist without a self-plug. (although tbh I’m tempted to take this off the rec list because I hate the way I wrote it so much XD) | 56k | Complete

Let Me Follow You Down by me: Jane is sick of her family always pushing her towards a relationship. She thinks she’s figured out the perfect solution. Fake Dating AU. Rec: Because it wouldn’t be a true reclist without a self-plug. | 24k | Complete

Rebuild All Your Ruins by me: Ragnarok AU. Despite his hunt for the Infinity Stones taking him far beyond Jane’s galaxy, Thor had always managed to get word to her that he was safe. When months pass without any word from him, Lady Sif arrives with a dire message: Thor has gone missing, Heimdall has been removed from his post as Gatekeeper, and the Warriors Three wonder if their king is truly Odin. Rec: Because it wouldn’t be a true reclist without a self-plug. | 11.2k | In progress, slow updates because it’s me and I’m garbage

Rated M (these won’t contain the smuts unless otherwise noted)

**Stalemate by igi_pigi: "It appears we're at a stalemate, Miss Foster." He meets her eyes at last with his bloodshot ones. "My association with you will continue to doom you with mortal dangers at every turn. And you will continue to inexplicably not hold me blameworthy for it." (Alternatively, how it should have been instead of how it was in Thor3.) [Well after Thor2.] Rec: PAIN. LOTS OF IT. Contains some smut | 8.7k | Complete

Symbiosis: Part I by SteeleHoltingOn: Jane and Thor have to decide if they can make their relationship work. She’s a scientist. He’s a prince. It’s the ultimate of long-distance relationships. It seems that Odin isn’t (wasn’t?) the only Asgardian who is unhappy with Thor’s fascination with Jane. Rec: An amazing look at Thor and Jane post-Dark World building their relationship, as well as all the pitfalls and heartache that comes with that. This author really plunges their hands into the nitty gritty problems with Jane and Thor, their cultural differences, their age/lifespan difference, and so on, yet it is still clear how much they love each other and their determination to make it work. | Contains some smut, but nothing very explicit | 92.5k | Complete

Symbiosis: Part II by SteeleHoltingOn: Loki ascends the throne of Jotunheim. He might have been lonely, but for the little hitchhiker in his head. Thor and Jane have their hands full with their daughter, Val, and the demands of Asgard and the Nine Realms. Rec: A lot of Loki, but also copious amounts of married Fosterson. As someone who isn’t always Loki’s biggest fan, especially when it comes to fan portrayals, I can say that this one is very true to canon and is an incredibly interesting read, and is balanced well with Jane and Thor-ness. The political drama is done very well. The plot planning seems meticulous and is absolutely admirable. I still have the same praise for it as its predecessor. | Contains some smut | 41.4k | Complete

Terrestrial Constellations by NightOwl360: For Jane and Darcy bringing Thor back to Earth is only the beginning of the adventure. Relationships are never easy, the past is always just a step behind, and sometimes the people we know best have the biggest secrets. Rec: Great characterization of Jane and Thor, and fabulous buildup until they meet again. Packed with not just fluff, some inevitable angst, as well as an intriguing storyline. Only downside: I’m pretty sure it’s been abandoned, and on a hell of a cliff hanger. | 78k | In progress, possibly abandoned

The Poetic Edda (was almost entirely wrong) by PhoenixVictoria: In Which: Thor is from a warrior culture (and Jane Foster understands); Loki is badass (but also kind of a puppy); Thor grows a pair and fixes his mistakes (and is a good brother); Loki is a slut (and is a good brother when he has no knives); Darcy Lewis is The Geek Whisperer (which really turns Loki on); And the Odinsons have no idea how to act in front of the media (and wouldn’t care if they did.) Rec: Almost entirely for Thor. He is so well-written in this. Loki and Thor fixing the damage they’ve done, and Jane being a great person. I love this so far (it is a WIP). Later chapters make Tasertricks a thing, so a heads up if you’re not into that ship. | Contains some smut, graphic imagery of torturing/punishment | 81k | In progress, possibly abandoned

One and the Same Thing by MissChrisDaae: Jane Foster is born to the bloodline of the Alchemysts, and the first woman to be inducted into the order. After the murder of her mentor, Jane becomes the first Alchemyst to mix the study of alchemy with that of magic, trying to enhance the art and find a way to avenge him. This is seen as bastardizing the craft, and she is cast out of the order, still working her craft as she wanders the realm. Forbidden from using the title of Alchemyst, Jane instead calls herself Ástkona Óþekktur, a Mistress of the Unknown. On her travels, she picks up an apprentice in Darcy Lewis and the two women meet another very unusual pair: the crown prince, Thor, and his foster brother, Loki, on the run from Amora, the sorceress who murdered Thor’s father and usurped the throne, the same woman who killed Jane’s teacher. Finding common ground, the four agree to join forces in taking down the Enchantress. Even if Jane won’t admit it, she finds herself drawn to the older prince, and Thor seems to be returning her affections, much to the annoyance of Loki, who sees the Ástkona Óþekktur as an unneeded distraction from what matters. If they win the war, there may still be something left to lose. Rec: You can see by the description that this is way AU. Incredibly imaginative, with a good characterization of Jane. | 33k | Complete

The Salt Skin by hariboo: One day Sif walks to the edge of the Bifrost to see compelled to see where Loki had fallen. At the same time Jane is testing a way to open the Bifrost. By accident Sif falls to Earth, what happens after she never would have expected, and then she finds Loki. Post-film. Rec: I can’t believe I haven’t recced this yet. A long, Sif-centric fic that is respectful to fosterson is hard to find, but this one hits all my must haves. Jane and Thor are beautiful idiots, and the outside view of their relationship is great. Very well-written. Loki/Sif is also very prominently featured. | 44.4k | Complete

Off The Grid by Shawn30: As stated by Phil Coulson in 'Agents of Shield’ episode 1-15, "Thor is currently off the grid.” So the question is, where are Thor, Jane, Darcy, and Eric post 'The Dark World’? Rec: This person was one of my FAVORITE fic authors of all time because of their Star Wars fics, and then THEY WRITE A FOSTERSON STORY. I was over the damn moon. There’s a unique take of all the characters, and there’s promise of really great things coming from this story. This fic would be a wise investment. Only problem is that sometimes their fics have very slow updates. Contains some smut | 15k | In progress, possibly abandoned

Lost in a World Full of Terrors by psychollama: Inspired by typhoidcandy - “After Darcy attempts to perform one of Loki’s spells, things go awry and she’s sent to another universe. In this medieval-like universe, Loki is King, Thor is banished and living in the forests, and Jane is an arrow wielding rebel. Can Darcy make it home before the real Loki finds out what she did? Or before medieval Loki captures her and either kills her or makes her his slave?” Rec: A different take on a medieval AU. The first and only chapter is very fosterson-centric, and sets up the action nicely. Jane and Thor are handled very well in the different context. Unfortunately, it hasn’t been updated since 2013, so I fear it has been abandoned. |4.4k | In progress, possibly abandoned

Stop All The Clocks series by Della19: Rec: NOT fosterson centric. This series is, I think, the first thing I read on AO3, and I was blown away. This person has constructed a great world around Supersoldier!Peggy Carter, and I rec the whole series, as the world and the characters are all vibrant and well-rounded. The stories, while connected, can easily be read as standalones. The fosterson, when it’s a larger focus, is absolutely lovely. | 49k | In progress

Rain Upon the Ashes by me: Medieval Fantasy AU. An ancient evil threatens Yggdrasil. An illegitimate heir sits upon the throne of Asgard, and an unknown menace seeks to destroy the Royal Family. Thor Odinson, true heir to the throne and banished years before, emerges as one of the leaders of the Rebellion, further endangering his family. Known publicly only as the Raven, Jane Foster, once a high-born Lady of Midgard, finds herself fighting a war when she once only desired to see the stars. Rec: Because it wouldn’t be a true reclist without a self-plug. | 33k | In progress, slow updates because it’s me and I’m garbage

Rated E (these will contain the smuts unless otherwise noted)

The Secret of Mind and Memory by capitainpistol: Jane and Thor wake up to an empty Asgard and zero memory of their pasts or each other. PWP. Rec: The Amesiacs Who Are Instinctually Drawn to Each Other AU that I never knew I needed in my life. I can’t wait to see how it ends. | 2k | In progress

Love in a Time of Tentacles (or How We Hired Out Our Sex Parts To Tentacle Monsters in Exchange for Remaining in Space) by Rozilla: Jane and Thor’s ship is left drifting in space and the only option is to take up the offer of a Bio-Engineering corporation to submit their bodies to science. Science in this case being mostly tentacles. It’s a good thing Jane’s into this sort of thing. Rec: I hope you’re into wild space porn because that is exactly what this is. Woop woop. Mind the warnings. | 13.2k | Complete

Edging Towards the Light by Shawn30: Thor and Jane navigate the treacherous relationship waters of ambition, duty, passion, and love. Rec: SMUT WITH PLOT YUM. A unique but plausible take on Fosterson. | 30k | In progress

Play Along Prisoner by Rozilla: You’re so used to being not listened to, put down, doubted and generally made to feel worthless when you work twice as hard as everyone else, sometimes you need a hobby like this one. Especially when you have such a willing participant. Rec: AU, Domme!Jane and Sub!Thor. Mmmmyes. Mind the warnings. | 15.3k | In progress

For The Days Inbetween by Simple.White.Lie: Heroes are seldom allowed happiness, and far too often Duty comes before Love. That only means he must fight even harder for that which he desires. Rec: While it isn’t always the prime example of great writing, this fic is still very good. It is a long multichapter which features gratuitous smut (hurrah!) while still maintaining good plot. Jane and Thor’s ups and downs as a couple are well written, and if you’re a sucker for married Fosterson, check this one out. | 79k | Complete

On the Outside by Simple.White.Lie: The King and Queen of Asgard are not prepared for the dish Fate has served for them. To be tossed out like a ship in the wind is more than their hearts can take. Their love is something to fight for.. Isn’t it? Rec: Sequel to For The Days Inbetween (recced above). Both stories feature a very strong Jane, which is a big plus. Again, while the writing isn’t always stellar, it is a worthwhile read. | 33k | Complete

Thor Pwns Walmart by charis2770: Jane and Thor have found a way to be together at last. It’s all she could have wished for, and then some. But it’s playing heck on her worldly possessions! Jane takes Thor shopping at Wal Mart so she can replace all the things which have been torn or broken during their reunion. And buy more pop tarts. This turns out to be an adventure. And hotter than you might think. Rec: Okay, holy high heavens this story is well done. The author does BDSM amazingly, and I recommend their other stories, too. Mind the warnings. Also, if BDSM isn’t your thing, I still recommend the bits in between the smut because it is hilarious and perfect. | 35k | Complete

Stealing Away by charis2770: This is what happens when the Black Widow puts herself in charge of planning a weekend getaway for four friends, three of whom happen to be Super Heroes, and one of whom has an unfortunate tendency to be a little hard on Midgardian buildings. Rec: a continuation of Thor Pwns Walmart, and also features a good deal of BDSM Clint/Natasha. This author remains a good example of how to properly write good BDSM. Mind the warnings. Also, if BDSM isn’t your thing, I still recommend the bits in between the smut because it is hilarious and perfect. | 30.4k | Complete

[songbookff]

For @nuschapel ... something a little domestic. 

Sarek/Amanda after learning that Spock has chosen to teach at Starfleet Academy. Takes place in the AOS timeline...probably. Not too worried about details in this one. I’ve never really written Amanda before, so please let me know what you think. 

“You’re pouting.”

Sarek looked up from his book to blink blankly at his wife. Amanda was flipping through her own book on the couch across from him in their living room. His wife had a habit of making illogical comments instead of being forthright with him about whatever was bothering her in order to get a reaction from him. It was one of the human traits he did not care for. He also believed that it amused her to accuse him of un-Vulcan-like behaviors.

However, after the many years of their marriage, he had learned he should address her comments before they turned into a disagreement. Statistically, this resulted in the chance his being in the proverbial house of dogs (a terran expression he still did not fully understand) much less likely. Therefore, he closed his book and stated: “I know better than to remind you that Vulcans do not pout.”

“I would disagree, but that isn’t what I want to talk about.” Amanda closed her book as well and straightened her back. Usually, she would have a teasing smile, but today her jaw was pulled tight. This was unusual. “You are unhappy that Spock will remain at Starfleet Academy to be an instructor.”

Sarek carefully thought his response before replying, “I do not agree this course of action will be beneficial for his career.”

“As opposed to what, exactly?” Amanda crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“I do not understand your meaning.” Sarek raised his eyebrow at how his wife rolled her eyes at his reply.

He knew his words would elicit a reaction of this sort from her. Amanda, for all of her human habits, did have one Vulcan quality: she liked to get to the point. Sarek found that if he did not answer her directly on occasion, their disputes would last longer; and he enjoyed debating his wife. She was highly intelligent and often found a perspective he had failed to consider. Of course, she was still wrong on occasion, something she would never admit.

“Sarek, why wouldn’t it be beneficial for his career?” Amanda stood and began to pace, listing off her position, “First, our son has a unique perspective on Federation culture and interactions. It is beneficial to Starfleet to have an officer of his intelligence and background teaching new recruits. Secondly, because of his esteemed status upon graduation and his qualifications, many high-ranking Starfleet officers and Federation employees will want to keep him close. He will meet many people who could useful to him in the future. And third, by allowing him to work at the Academy, he can explore future endeavors outside of Starfleet more easily, as the physical location of the Academy is near the Federation Headquarters on Earth.”

“And?” Amanda’s eyebrows knitted together in frustration. Sarek knew his wife was holding back another reason. She often held back information in a discussion to use at what she considered to be a more appropriate time.

“And he will be happy.” Her eyes challenged him to disagree with her last statement. “Do you disagree with my reasoning?”

“Your logic is sound,” he conceded. With a bit more thought, he replied, “I believe Starfleet is using him to further their own benefit without consideration of his future. They see him as a connection to myself and believe they can further control Vulcan’s interest by employing my son.”

“That’s rather self-centered, don’t you think?” Amanda’s voice was tart and Sarek was startled at the turn the conversation had taken.

He had not realized she was upset. He thought over the conversation again, as well as their conference with Spock this morning when he told them of his plans. She had expressed her pride and happiness in Spock’s decision during the call. Since then, she had been unusually quiet, now that he thought about it. And just now, she had brought up the conversation with a specific goal in mind. Perhaps he had misspoken at some point and caused her to be irritated.

Therefore, he cautiously responded, “My concern was for Spock’s career, not my own. I believe that Starfleet’s endeavor to cater my good favor will be unsuccessful. Therefore, they could impede Spock’s future endeavors out of spite.”

“You think Starfleet would punish him if you don’t start agreeing with them?” Apparently, Amanda had not seen this as result of Spock’s employment. It was satisfying to convince her of his point. With a sigh she sat down beside him.

Sarek used the opportunity to take her hand. When debating with another Vulcan, this would obviously not be an appropriate action. However, humans considered touch to be a soothing sentiment. Amanda always responded well to hand holding and although Sarek would never admit it, he didn’t see a negative consequence in the act.

“I believe Spock is wasting time when he could be greatly contributing to Starfleet as a science officer or diplomat.”

Amanda bit her lip, considering his words. Then with the smallest of smiles, one Sarek would have missed had he not been studying her face to make sure he was reading her emotions correctly, she said, “There was a time when you thought him joining Starfleet was a mistake.”

“That is irrelevant to the conversation, my beloved.” Sarek still believed it was a mistake. The Vulcan Science Academy would have proven to everyone once and for all that his son was as much a Vulcan as anyone else. The emotional decision to decline the honor of being accepted into the Academy was a poor choice. But the choice had been made; it was illogical to argue over it now.

“I know you want what’s best for him,” murmured Amanda. “But sometimes as a parent, it is our job to be supportive of what makes them happy, even if it may not be what is best.”

“That is illogical,” Sarek pointed out.

“Is it illogical to support your son?”

“If he-”

Amanda was quick to interrupt him, shifting her hips on the couch to look at him straight on. “Is it illogical to support your son, who is intelligent, driven, and trying to do good in the universe?”

“Perhaps not.”

This made her eyes light up and Sarek knew he had said what she wanted to hear. Throughout Spock’s life, Amanda had often had to remind him that their son was half human, like herself. It was something easily dismissed because Spock had studiously adopted his Vulcan heritage over that of his human side. Perhaps this was another one of those times.

“Then you will call him tonight and tell him that you support his decision!”

“I do not support his decision,” he reminded her. “Vulcans do not lie.”

“Fine, don’t say you support his decision, just tell him you support him.”

Amanda let him mull over this choice of words. She was right, of course, that would not be a lie. Sarek did his best to always support his son. He would not have to be specific about exactly what he was supporting. His wife was watching him carefully, waiting for his response. The logical thing to do would be to do as she asked. After all, it would make her happy.

“I will call him after dinner.”

“Splendid!” exclaimed Amanda and Sarek was rewarded with a kiss, both in the Vulcan and human manner.

After many years of marriage, Sarek had learned many things. The most important of those was that the most logical course was to keep Amanda smiling. If he were human, perhaps he would say it was because he loved to see her happy. If he were human, that is.

[swanlake1998]

Dance Magazine Article: PNB’s Amanda Morgan Is Raising Her Voice Against Injustice

Date: June 15, 2020

By: Lydia Murray

On June 4, Pacific Northwest Ballet corps member Amanda Morgan posted an Instagram video of her impassioned speech at a Seattle protest in response to George Floyd's death.

After introducing herself to the cheering crowd as the only Black ballerina in her company—an accomplishment, yet an indictment of ballet's progress in increasing diversity—she championed accountability for action and inaction.

"Society may have tried to silence the voices of the marginalized, but you will never silence me," she finished, fist raised.

The clip has received over 14,000 views.

Dance Magazine spoke with Morgan about her activism; her hopes for diversity, equity and inclusion in ballet; and her advice for other dancers who want to speak out against injustice.

You're the only Black female dancer at PNB. What has that been like?

I started in the school when I was 15 and didn't see anyone in the company who looked like me. I remember feeling down at times, because other students would say, "I'm like this dancer," when we were watching the company. I would think, Oh, I'm not like anyone. That was hard, and I didn't think I'd get into the company because of it. But I really wanted to get in, not just for myself, but so that other little boys and girls wouldn't have to experience that.

What led to that change in your mindset?

I've always been very determined, gone after what I wanted and stood up for what I believed was right. But I had a teacher at PNB named Le Yin who pushed us to do the kinds of turns and jumps that guys did, and didn't talk to us like we were students. It gave me that confidence to say, "I shouldn't hold myself back because of what I look like, even though it may be harder."

You've been very vocal about racial injustice, especially in recent weeks, and you've protested against racism and police brutality.

In the dance world, we're realizing that there are injustices within ballet, but it's so much bigger than ballet. It's bleeding into every part of Black and brown lives and the Black and brown experience. Part of it was, "I want my ballet company and the ballet world to realize that this is important," but I also need the world, my government and my country to listen, and realize that we clearly have a system that is not benefiting all communities. It never has. We need a way to dismantle that, because we have the capacity to do so now.

Being the only Black ballerina at PNB, I've always been talking about race. I feel like it comes with the job.

On Instagram, you recently posted a video of yourself speaking at a protest, sharing words you'd written in response to George Floyd's death. And you thanked your arts family for protesting alongside you. Were the artists from PNB?

Some of the artists were from PNB, but the other people came from Seattle Opera, Seattle Symphony and other small arts organizations in the area.

I've gone to the protests every day except for about two or three days. The protests and protesters have been peaceful, but the police have not been peaceful. As someone who grew up in Washington state, it's upsetting to me that the police are not really protecting us.

Another reason I'm protesting is that the brother of the only other Black girl at my old dance studio was murdered by the police in March. His name was Manuel Ellis. It really hit me that anyone that I know could get murdered in that way. So I'm marching for him as well, and hoping that he gets justice.

It's so important to use our platforms to let people know what is actually happening.

You've directly called on leaders in the ballet world to be more vocal about addressing racial injustice. Can you talk about your decision to do that and what you want to happen as a result?

I think a lot of people need to realize that everyone wants to say the right thing, but at the end of the day, you need to just get it out there.

I know that people are doing things outside of social media and behind the scenes. I don't want to discredit that. But I'm paying attention to who is speaking out and who isn't, who is highlighting other Black artists and who isn't and who is using their platform to educate their followers, rather than doing it as a performative act, like just putting up a black box and saying "Blackout Tuesday" with no additional resources.

In an Instagram post, you recommended Ta-Nehisi Coates' Between the World and Me. At one point in the book, Coates writes that he wishes for his son to "feel no need to constrict" himself "to make other people feel comfortable." That reminded me of your speech, when you said, "I hope for a world in which I will not have to explain to my children how to act in public around police for fear of their lives being taken away."

As a Black woman in ballet, have you felt a need to constrict yourself?

Before all of this happened, I was working on a piece for Seattle Dance Collective with another Black woman named Nia-Amina Minor. We were making a piece about spatial injustice, and the Black female voice and perspective in the city and in dance. Working on that piece made me realize that, a lot of times, I've felt myself shrinking. I'm not just a Black woman, I'm a very tall Black woman. I also have a unique quality of movement, in addition to being able to do ballet.

I didn't necessarily have my voice shrink, but I felt my dancing shrink. I tried to fit in with the corps, I tried to dance smaller, I tried not to move as big because I didn't want to stand out as much. I think my body naturally adapted to that environment, and shrank.

Ballet is restrictive, but I realized that you can be expansive within these restrictions. I'm looking forward to eventually dancing again and playing around with that idea.

I've been choreographing with a contemporary style, but it's a little bit softer in the way that it's danced. I've never been able to do things that are more soft and vulnerable and elegant, so I want people to do that in my pieces.

We have to base casting on more than how someone fits into a mold. We want to push people to be the best artists they can be, and make a part their own. If we hold onto that idea, then maybe race or gender will not stick as much in people's minds.

I haven't been used in a lot of things that choreographers have come and staged, because they've already made the piece on another company. They say, "She doesn't really fit into any of these parts," but there's barely anyone I look like in the dance world. That doesn't mean that I can't do it just as well, and make it fully my own.

Shortly after you debuted as a choreographer, you wrote on Instagram, "Life has shown me that if you don't see what you want to see around you, create it." Was there a relationship between creating what you want to see through choreography, and pursuing social change as an activist?

Yeah, I think there's a direct relation. As a choreographer, I don't want to use my art to deflect, but to reflect on the world around me.

I've only had a dance career for four years, but I decided to start choreographing early in my career because of visibility. Even though I stand out due to being the only Black woman, having my voice or narrative heard was not a thing. I had to assert myself in these spaces in a different way. And I realized a way to do that was by being the person at the front of the room, making the piece.

What do you think ballet organizations should do going forward to continue the work of diversity, equity and inclusion?

To create more connectivity within organizations, because that can lead to conversation about more difficult things to talk about, like race or gender.

During the pandemic, I started a mentorship program at PNB with Cecilia Iliesiu, where we spent six hours each week speaking with dancers in the school. The students were all talking about what's going on in the world. A lot of them are white, but they wanted to know what I was feeling. Everyone at PNB is talking about how we're going to implement things differently. I'm hoping that happens in other companies.

Organizations need to think critically about, What are we showing as a ballet company? What are we saying, visually, and who are we leaving out? Whose story isn't being told? In most of our ads, it's always white people. Black dancers could see that and think, I don't really want to audition there. It's the same thing with audience members. We need to serve not just one community, but all communities.

For so long, ballet has just given a white narrative. We need to give different types of people the opportunity to choreograph in ballet companies, because then you're going to see different stories.

A lot of people say that we need to hire more Black dancers, and yes, that's important. But we also need to have more Black artistic directors, and Black female executive directors or Black board members. I also think we need to have racial equity coordinators or managers, so that if an institution does step out of bounds or something is a little iffy, that person can speak up about it.

I recently met with over 70 Black dancers from professional companies all over the world via Zoom, which really gave me a sense of our power as Black artists. Even though we can feel so tokenized and alone in our own companies, we're not alone in this, and we never have been. So many people have paved the way for us, and we're just continuing that work. We have to pay homage to that as well.

I've always stuck by the Nina Simone quote that says it's an artist's duty to reflect the times. I think if we do that, like with what's happening right now, people are going to be more inclined to see ballet, and that's how we'll keep our relevancy going into the future.

Do you have any advice for other dancers who want to speak out against injustice?

I've been reading Audre Lorde lately, and she said that we think of silence as protection, as a way to shelter ourselves from pain. You're still going to feel that pain and anger regardless of whether you speak out. I hope that people speak out in a constructive way, of course. I don't think rehashing the past continuously is the best way to do it without having action items in that conversation.

This is a global movement and a pivotal moment that's happening. If you're not talking now, but you have in the past, I don't understand the reason. This is the most important time to do it. Before, some people were paying attention, but now, everyone is. There are no distractions. People have the time to sit down at home and think. So get their attention and say what you need to say now, especially if you have a platform. And vote!

[morfinwen]

For the Excessively Detailed Headcanon ask: 4 for Angela, 5 for Christopher, 12 for Reagan, 39 for Neal, 43 for Lanzo, 7 for Ash, 46 for Connie, 35 for Aidan, 20 for Q, 22 for Nate, 19 for Amanda, 23 for Niner, 42 for Elise, 11 for Julie, 26 for Jerome, 24 for Kayla, 18 for Hannah, 17 for Knife, 32 for Elarin, 31 for Meaghan, 38 for Leah, 48 for Avery, 1 for Ian, 8 for Lauren, 15 for Kira, 37 for Darcy, and 16 for Susanna.

Almost forgot the read more!

1. What does Ian’s bedroom look like?

Contained chaos. Poorly contained chaos.

He’s got a bed, a desk, a dresser, and an end table. The desk is the tidiest: the papers on it are stacked haphazardly, there might be a pen or pencil or two lying on it but most are in the drawer, and if something that doesn’t belong gets set on it there’s at least a chance it’ll get moved by the end of the week.

The dresser is mostly for stacking stuff on top of, and storing clothes he no longer wears but hasn’t gotten rid of yet. There’s usually a jacket or a shirt or some more awkward piece of clothing hanging off one of the knobs. 

The bedside table has his phone, its charger, and a variety of junk -- mail he brought to the bedroom to read, a comb he forgot to take back to the bathroom, a half-full (or half-empty) glass of water, a pair of socks he picked up to wear then forgot about, a single slipper set there while he was looking for its mate, etc.

There's sheets on his bed, plus a blanket if it's been cold lately, but if the corners of the fitted sheet are all pulled over the mattress, then it is tidier than usual. Whatever he’s wearing for night clothes at the moment, if he’s even bothering, will be anywhere from near the pillows (he has two very flat pillows that are usually in pillowcases) to hanging off the foot. The sheets, it’s worth noting, often have cartoon characters on them.

The floor is hidden under a layer of clothes, towels, shoes, blankets, boxes, sheets, books, etc. About the only things you won't find on the floor are plates or food-related items, anything that will attract bugs, as well as loose papers since those pose a falling hazard (everything else just makes him stumble). 

4. What would Angela do if she needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy?

If there’s something near to hand that doesn’t require the kitchen, she’d have that, but most likely she’d wait until it was available. She doesn’t particularly like or dislike cooking, but she does not like fast food, and she’s patient.

5. Christopher’s cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.)

There are places he cares about cleanliness, and there are places he does not.

Most of his living quarters, particularly the kitchen, are spotless. Dishes get washed and the table and counters wiped down immediately after eating. Clothes get folded or hung as soon as they’re dry, and dirty ones go straight in the hamper. Making the bed happens almost as soon as he gets out of it.

Christopher’s work areas, on the other hand, are disaster zones. Anything that might provide some inspiration, or is part of that thing from two months ago he’s still working on, or was used for that other thing two years ago he wants to revisit, ends up on a desk or a table or lying on the floor somewhere, and isn’t getting put away until he’s done with it. No one is permitted to touch anything -- he knows exactly where everything is (which is true, and he can prove it too), and it’s all part of his own particular organizational system (which is … less true; there’s some organizing going on, but it’s less of a system and more of a feeling), so leave it where it is.

His personal hygiene is hit-or-miss. Brushing teeth, usually a hit; showering, often a miss, unless he’s performing soon.

7. Ash’s favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time

It isn’t necessary to schedule every hour of your day, but even after a few years of regular contact with Lanzo, Ash still does not have what Lanzo considers a proper appreciation for the value of lazing around.

That said, for years Ash has found it difficult to ignore the allure of a summer afternoon nap; particularly when it’s raining outside, he’s just had a mug of relaxing lavender tea, there’s a soft blanket and the entire couch is free to stretch out on … zzzz.

8. Lauren’s favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging

If she’s had a really rough week, the first chance she gets, she’s having a hot bath, followed by a bowl of cinnamon ice cream while watching either a screwball comedy or a tragic romance, whichever she feels like.

Lauren’s got a fair amount of good old-fashioned Catholic guilt, but it’s heavily concentrated in certain areas and almost never touches other things. Some things she’s overindulged in and never felt guilty about, other relatively harmless things have kept her awake at night for hours. The above scenario usually doesn’t make her feel bad.

11. Julie’s intellectual pursuits

Julie is -- well, was, post-Allwinter -- attending college, for what would probably end up being a degree in History, but she likes reading about all kinds of different things. Mostly psychology and philosophy, but also about other cultures, geography, and nature, specifically trees and plants. She’s one of those jack-of-all-trades, master-of-none types, only more with knowledge than skills.

12. Reagan’s favorite book genre

Science-fiction or fantasy. A slight preference for the former, as she’s found it easier to find sci-fi graphic novels. 

With her dyslexia, Reagan doesn’t read much, so anything that is easily read, and more importantly easily visualized, is her favorite, regardless of genre.

15. Kira’s biggest and smallest short term goals

Biggest: Survive high school. In the third-largest city in the country. Where she knows no one. No problem! (said with major sarcasm)

Smallest: Find a way to remember her locker combination so she doesn’t need to carry around a scrap of paper with it written on it.

16. Susanna’s biggest and smallest long term goals

Smallest: Learn to do a handspring.

Biggest: Get elected president of the United States.

17. Knife’s preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress

Customizable!

From a young age, Knife’s mostly gotten plain t-shirts and jean jackets that she could decorate herself, with fabric markers or felt patches or (for a very brief period in middle school) bedazzle. It was one of the few things she could keep doing after the accident, which changed it from just a hobby to a representation of her independence and self-image, and therefore practically sacred. Not that everything she wears is customized, just most of it. She’s also familiar with sewing basics, not enough to make her own clothes from scratch, but she can modify them.

As far as “rituals”, it is important to her to display something she’s decorated or modified the first time she wears it. She’s not looking for praise or even acceptance really, just acknowledgement. 

18. Hannah’s favorite beverage

Chocolate milk. She also drinks a lot of Sunny D.

19. What does Amanda think about before falling asleep at night?

Ideas for new articles. Sometimes ones she could reasonably write for work, others are something she might want to work on independently in the future, and still others are too niche or weird for publishing anywhere but are just fun to think about. 

20. Q’s childhood illness? Any interesting stories behind them?

When Q was very little, he was more prone to catching any bugs that were getting passed around him. As he’s gotten older, that’s become less of a problem, but he’s got a 50/50 chance of getting the flu in a given year. 

Once he was old enough to go to boarding school, and therefore came under the jurisdiction of his aunt and uncle, if he so much as sneezed or coughed suspiciously, that was grounds for him taking the day off school and spending it in his room instead, with a steady supply of fluids and soups, regular check-ups by staff, and a nurse if his temperature climbed a degree too high. 

On the one hand, it was great to get out of school, and probably prevented him from getting sicker in at least a few cases, as he didn’t get exposed to more germs while his immune system was already busy. On the other, it didn’t take him too many years to realize this was his aunt and uncle’s way of protecting an asset rather than any kind of familial concern for his health, which kind of ruined it as relaxation. 

Honestly, the worst thing about it (from Q’s perspective) is how very Rich Kid™ that was, and how much of an effect it had on him. The first few times he got sick as an adult on his own in LA were not pretty.

22. Nate, given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?

Doodles or little comics, poking fun at people who annoy or aggravate him but he isn't willing or able to confront. 

23. How organized is Niner? How does this organization/disorganization manifest in her everyday life?

From a certain perspective, Niner is very organized: she organizes everything into two categories, stuff she cares about and stuff she doesn’t. She keeps the two things very separate in her day-to-day life. Stuff she doesn’t care about gets ignored, left alone, or explicitly dismissed, while the stuff she cares about gets her full attention -- at least for a little while.

24. Is there one subject of study that Kayla excels at? Or does she even care about intellectual pursuits at all?

Kayla values intellectual pursuits, but they’re not of particular interest to her, generally speaking. She’s mostly interested in keeping the house clean, helping Hannah grow up healthy and happy, and just figuring out all the various aspects of being alive.

26. Does Jerome have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t work out?

Pre-Allwinter, Jerome’s future plans mostly had to do with Hannah’s future (health, college, career, etc.) and eventually retirement. He and Kayla hoped to adopt at some point, since she couldn’t have kids herself, but at the time it wasn’t something they were directing energy toward. None of those plans were hard-and-fast, so they didn’t really require contingency plans.

Now, he has even fewer plans, as just figuring out how things work in the Allwinter and adjusting to it is a full-time occupation. He has an excellent support network now, so even if he does make plans that don’t work out, he’s pretty sure he’s in a good place.

31. Meaghan’s most prized possession

Her lightsaber. Not just because of its usefulness, but because how much it represents everything that’s happened since her exile and return to the Order. It’s different from her first one, in its materials, construction, and design, and shows how much she’s changed and grown. 

Also, it’s a fricking lightsaber. Not even Meaghan is immune to the awesomeness that is a fricking lightsaber.

32. Elarin’s thoughts on material possessions in general

Unlike Meaghan, Elarin followed the Jedi regulations on owning possessions because she had to, and because she didn’t have many opportunities to violate it, not because she believed in it. She hasn’t acquired many things herself, but while she understands the dangers of greed and the potential to get buried by one’s things, she thinks getting hung up on how many possessions someone has is missing the forest for the trees, or whatever the Star Wars equivalent idiom is.

35. What activities does Aidan enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time?

Meticulous fan wikis that document how many times a character shows up, or how many times a character in a 1,000-issue manga eats this particular flavor of ramen, or document every slang term used in a sci-fi series. It’s fascinating to read or think about documenting, but really Mac, don’t you have anything better to do with your time?

37. Is Darcy more analytical or more emotional in his decision-making?

He is much more analytical than emotional. Not quite as analytical or as immune to emotion as he thinks, but still very analytical.

38. Would Leah consider herself a Type A or Type B personality?

Still Type B, though that defined her better pre-War. 

39. What recharges Neal when he’s feeling drained?

Anything that can either be done alone, or in a group setting where talking isn’t expected, but keeps him occupied enough that his thoughts don’t overwhelm him. For Neal, painting, playing the drums or guitar, surfing, or sculpting fit that bill. The last two more than the former.

42. Elise’s hobbies

Tennis is the main one. She and an old friend from high school get together every so often for a game, and she’s taught Julie to play. She also jogs on occasion.

Elise isn’t as in to knitting or crocheting as other people she knows, but it’s something to do with her hands when she’s watching something: usually baseball, as she is a loyal New York Yankees fan.

If she has a few hours of downtime, she’s a fan of old-school Mario games and in particular speedrunning, without using glitches or cheats. She’s got a very respectable time.

43. How far did Lanzo get in formal education? What are his views on formal education vs self-education?

A brief Google search tells me little about education for medieval German nobility, but for Lanzo i imagine it involved a Latin grammar school (probably through a local church) and university. He was not a particularly diligent student at the time, and if there was some way for him to stay at home with a tutor instead, he would have taken it.

Formal education has its merits, but Lanzo is absolutely in favor of delaying college or skipping it entirely if you like. He's supportive of the idea of self-education, but from his perspective, how your life turns out is at least as dependent on luck as anything deliberate. He does recommend learning rudimentary finance stuff and something that will reliably give you work, however (if you can’t marry someone loaded).

46. Does Connie express his thoughts through words or deeds?

It takes him time to express anything, as he wants to think it through from beginning to end before he’s comfortable sharing them, but words, mostly. Not that he’s unwilling to follow through with actions.

48. How does Avery express love?

In love language terms, Gift Giving and Acts of Service (in game mechanics terms, giving gifts and helping out with personal side missions). For those she really cares about, she’ll make the effort to spend time with them even when they’re not doing anything interesting, but she’s a busy, active woman who gets distracted easily, so that’s less common.

Thanks for asking!

[doctorbonzo]

Doctor Bonzo Book of the Month (October 2020)

“Talking to Strangers” by Malcolm Gladwell

              I was really excited to read this book, which was recommended to me by a 4th-year medical student who I met at a conference in Portland, OR earlier this year. The concept of the book, as it was presented to me, was that we (people in general) don’t do a good job of communicating with other people that we don’t know, especially if they’re from different backgrounds than the ones we come from. In other words, we don’t know how to talk to strangers. I have definitely been on the receiving end of this over the past 15 years since I graduated from residency; there are times when I felt like I was from a different planet than my coworkers.

The concept behind the book was proven within the first few pages of the book; it became obvious to me that Malcolm Gladwell was a “stranger,” and my difficulty relating to him might impair my “communication” with him (communicating in the sense of receptive language/hearing what he is saying to me, the reader). The first passage that caught my attention was when he said, “I suspect that you may have had to pause for a moment to remember who Sandra Bland was.” For personal reasons, there are only 5 other deaths/murders in recent years—those of Trayvon Martin, Tamir Rice, Philando Castile, Ahmaud Arbery, and George Floyd—that have had a similar personal impact on me as the death of Sandra Bland. I mean, she was one of the main sources of the “Say Her Name” demand that we often saw from the movement for Black Lives. It’s difficult for me to relate to a world where people don’t remember who she is. If Gladwell remembers her, but suspects that his readers don’t, then that makes me wonder if this book was written for people like me.

Also early in the book, Gladwell frames the death of Sandra Bland as a “two sides” issue, which I feel is ridiculous (“Each side was right, in its own way”). Anyone who watches the video of Sandra Bland’s encounter with Brian Encinia and comes away with any point of view where Encinia is “right,” is absolutely a “stranger” to me. He also described the deaths of several other unarmed Black people in a way that disturbed me, such as saying that Freddie Gray “fell into a coma” as opposed to saying that he had his spinal cord severed. Again, I continued to read thinking that this book might give me some point of view that I had not considered in my communications with people from different backgrounds. After all, he ended his first chapter with a statement that I wholeheartedly agreed with: “If we were more thoughtful as a society…[Sandra Bland] would not have ended up dead in a Texas jail cell.”

 Liars

              I really enjoyed this key point of the book. Gladwell presented several historical examples of difficulty knowing when people are lying or not. From CIA agents who didn’t realize that Cuban spies had infiltrated their ranks, to Neville Chamberlain not realizing that Adolf Hitler was a genocidal maniac. These were examples of people whose lies went undetected; he also presented some good examples of people that society believed were lying when they weren’t. The most prominent example of that was the case of Amanda Knox who, I must admit, I thought was clearly guilty the moment I saw her making out with her boyfriend outside of the crime scene of her roommate’s murder. I live my life trying to give people the benefit of the doubt—innocent until proven guilty—but behavior that I deem atypical or bizarre often leads us to assume the worst about people. In some portions of the book, Gladwell presents situations where artificial intelligence/computers that can’t see a person do a better job than attorneys and judges at guessing when people are guilty. However, he didn’t mention Bias as one of the reasons for misjudging people once you can see them.

 Default to Truth

              The book mentioned a concept of the “Truth-Default Theory,” in which we assume that people are telling us the truth until enough doubts are introduced about them that we can’t explain away. Gladwell mentioned triggers that can “snap us out of” the default to truth but I was surprised that, by page 85, he still had not mentioned Bias as one of these triggers. It’s stunning that he doesn’t see Bias as a key barrier to our ability to communicate with or relate to strangers. The sections on espionage had “won me over” after the aforementioned disconnect re: Sandra Bland, but this is when I started to get the feeling again that our perspectives just weren’t aligned.

 Sexual Assault

              This is when Malcolm Gladwell just lost me; I think I will never be able to “talk to this stranger” about issues related to sexual assault and pedophilia. He seemed to offer up too many excuses for my comfort level when it came to understanding how sexual abuse runs rampant in certain situations. In the case of Larry Nassar, he seems to absolve Michigan State because even the parents of the abused women were fooled. He said that parents weren’t trying to protect financial interests, but we know this isn’t necessarily true; there are plenty of parents that care more about their kids’ success than they do about their kids’ safety, even if it is subconscious. Just look at the recent issue in my hometown, Savannah, GA, when parents refused to press charges after their 8-year-old son’s travel football coach repeatedly struck their son in the head for not playing well.

              Gladwell also gives the leadership at Penn State a pass with regards to their handling of Jerry Sandusky, and I had the impression that he thinks they were treated unfairly. He spent a lot of time trying to poke holes in the testimony of Sandusky’s victims, at one point raising doubt because former victims came to visit him later in life. I have seen people sexually abused by parents and siblings—in situations where the family members admit they did it—who still keep close contact with their abusers and even forgive them. That doesn’t mean that the abuser shouldn’t still be punished or scrutinized. Ironically, he is proving that he doesn’t know much about certain strangers, as there is no way he has spent a significant amount of time talking to sexual assault victims.

Victims of trauma all respond differently, which is one of his main points in the book (see the Amanda Knox section). Someone not remembering specific details, like the month or date that the abuse happens, doesn’t mean that it didn’t happen. Also, this book did not spend enough time discussing the easiest, indisputable point of the Penn State fiasco: a grown man should not be showering with children…period! One of the administrators involved said that Sandusky should have worn swim trunks. Are you kidding me?! How does Gladwell have any sympathy for people with this kind of decision-making? I just sensed too much of a vibe that Gladwell gives people a pass for not protecting victims of sexual assault. He spent a lot of time later discussing the link between alcohol and sexual assaults on college campuses during the section about Brock Turner. Like his views on Sandra Bland, I think we just have completely different points of view that will be difficult to reconcile, because he sounded like a rape apologist to me.

Suicide

              Now, I found this portion of the book to be completely fascinating, and I can imagine myself referring back to this section in the future. He describes a concept that I was previously unfamiliar with, known as coupling. Completed suicide is often coupled to “very specific circumstances and conditions,” which conflicts with the idea that if someone really wants to die by suicide, they’ll find a way to do it. As was the case of the poet Sylvia Plath’s death by suicide, intentional carbon monoxide poisoning (by placing the head of the victim inside of kitchen stoves) was a major problem in London during the 1960s. It was a relatively painless way to die without leaving behind too gruesome a scene (relatively speaking, of course; the death of a loved one is always terrible). Interestingly, as town gas was phased out and it became almost impossible to die in this way, the suicide rates dropped significantly.

              Gladwell also mentioned the Golden Gate Bridge, which I didn’t realize has been the site of the most suicides in the world since it was first built. For decades, advocates have encouraged San Francisco and/or California to build barriers or nets to prevent people from jumping off the bridge, but there has been push-back. Some opponents of suicide barriers argue that people will find another way to die, while Gladwell does a remarkable job of describing how this is not consistent with the historical evidence in support of coupling (see above). Of the 500+ people who were prevented from jumping from the Golden Gate Bridge in a study conducted over 30+ years, only 25 of them later died by suicide. The whole “motive + opportunity” thing applies not only to crime, but also to people who suffer from depression severe enough to lead to suicide.

 Policing

              After the Sandra Bland issue that I described above, I had a feeling that Gladwell’s policing commentary would be problematic for me. His foundational ideas were solid, and he described several studies that I was unfamiliar with. He provided compelling evidence that extra policing does not improve the safety of communities. In fact, society’s views of certain cities, or even certain neighborhoods, as unsafe are not accurate; police officers’ views of the most dangerous and violent blocks often don’t match up with actual statistics. Although he argues against more overall policing, he seems to advocate for more focused policing in areas that truly have higher rates of crime.

Gladwell describes one study as a “miracle,” but it sounded like a nightmare to me. In Kansas City, they focused their energy on a small, high-crime area known as District 144. The police used any excuse they could to stop people who looked suspicious between the hours of 7pm – 1am. Gun-related crimes were cut in half, but Gladwell didn’t mention all the innocent people who were pulled over, harassed, and traumatized. He comes off to me as an absolute “stranger” who doesn’t know how to communicate with African Americans like me if he couldn’t see how much of a nightmare this sounds like. Gladwell ends this section describing the police officers being in “constant motion,” and describes 948 vehicle stops in a 200-day period of time, resulting in 616 arrests, 532 pedestrian checks, and 29 guns seized. Are you kidding me?! More than 500 pedestrian checks?! You don’t see a problem with that?! This idea sounds a lot like the “Stop and Frisk” behavior in New York City during the Michael Bloomberg era. Also, he doesn’t say what the arrests were for, so I have no idea if they made the community any safer. Finally, he was oblivious to the fact that his stats meant that >300-400 people were stopped for no reason whatsoever.

I wonder if Malcolm Gladwell has ever been profiled by police. Has he ever felt the humiliation of being yelled at and treated like a criminal because you were trying to ask a police officer for directions? Has he ever had a police officer point a gun at him? I’m going to go out on a limb and say no based on his view of policing.

 Sandra Bland

              Similar to his introductory comments on the Sandra Bland case, the final chapter of his book (titled “Sandra Bland”) was very upsetting to me. He repeatedly says things that I can’t relate to like, “…we have decided that we would rather our leaders and guardians pursue their doubts than dismiss them.” Speak for yourself! I would rather the police dismiss their doubts about me as a law-abiding citizen instead of pursuing the idea that I’m up to no good. Gladwell did highlight something that I was unfamiliar with called the “Reid Technique,” which is a disgusting training program used by 2/3 of police departments in this country. However, similar to the sexual assault chapter, I felt that he passed the buck and blamed Brian Encinia’s behavior on the poor training that he received. He believed Encinia’s lame story that he actually feared for his life.

              If he led off the book with this entire Sandra Bland chapter, I doubt I would have finished the book. At one point, he said that Sandra Bland was “mismatched,” or that she looked like a criminal to Encinia even though she wasn’t one (he said that Encinia was “terrified” of her). I don’t see how anyone who watched that video could come to that conclusion. Gladwell has an obvious Eurocentric point of view that does not match up with my life experience. Her behavior was clearly annoyance at being pulled over, and Encinia did everything he could to provoke her; when she lit up a cigarette to help her relax in the situation, he made up a law so that he could assault and arrest her. The fact that Gladwell doesn’t see this, and the fact that he never mentions her race as a potential contributor, means that this book wasn’t written for people like me.

              In the last few pages of the book, I had difficulty determining if Gladwell was being naïve or dishonest. He actually states that Encinia was empathetic to Sandra Bland because he asked her “What’s wrong?” The question was clearly said in a sarcastic and provocative way if you watch the video. Gladwell believes the officer’s assertion that he was frightened by a “dangerous woman,” but he doesn’t try to explain why he would escalate things and become argumentative if he was so afraid of her. The author also tells the story of a young Black man playing basketball in Ferguson, MO who was profiled by police and accused of being a pedophile with no evidence. He describes it as a “mistake” and portrays this police behavior as police officers’ attempts to find a needle in a haystack. He does mention innocent people caught up in the middle, but never mentions that they are mostly Black and Brown people!

Finally, on page 337 out of 346, he mentions in the footnotes that “there is significant evidence that African Americans are considerably more likely to be subjected to…stops than white Americans.” That it took him this long to get here and that he doesn’t see racial bias as a major barrier in “Talking to Strangers” epitomizes my problems with this book. He concludes that Sandra Bland’s death happened because society does not know how to talk to strangers. He never considers that these deaths happen because of racism, or because power-hungry people in positions of power abuse their authority. Until he sees that the problem in the Sandra Bland case began with anti-Blackness as opposed to a faulty police manual, then I doubt he’ll ever get it. On the last page of the book, he said that Sandra Bland unfairly became the villain of the story in the end. Maybe that’s the case in his whitewashed world, but in the eyes of the people I know and love, Sandra Bland was a beautiful soul who had her life snuffed out too early. She was a martyr, and the blame for her death rests on Brian Encinia. Rest in power, Sandra Bland.

As for you, Malcolm Gladwell, your writing style grabs the reader’s attention, you have a way with words that makes it easy to fly through your book. I’m sure I will reference your section of this book on suicide in the future...but I doubt I will ever read another one of your books. You’re just too much of a stranger to me.

{FIN}

[actualbird]

i just relistened to doctor horrible’s sing along blog and got inspired so. dghda superhero/supervillain au where todd is an up and coming hero vigilante and dirk is the world’s worst villain

now hear me out

okay so dirk’s life is actually very depressing, as per usual. unfortunately, he was adopted by riggins as a child along with other children and trained and brought up to be villains for his supervillain team, Project Blackwing. fortunately, nearly all of the children are terrible at being villains. bart was trained to be a killing machine, but she only ever seems to kill bad guys. the rowdy 3 were trained to be robbers and chaos makers, but they always do robin hood-esque deeds of good. mona is a shapeshifter and riggins makes her transform into giant monsters to attack the city, but usually all she does is curl up on the roads as a giant rabbit and cause traffic. francis didnt like being a villain so when he was ten he just fucked off into an alternate dimension of his creation. dirk was....

dirk didnt have any immediately noticeable powers, but riggins noticed his propensity to see the innerworkings of the universe. he had no idea how to weaponize that though, so he just made dirk learn. learn a lot. dirk becomes the supervillain who makes wacky inventions and ray guns and -inators ala dr. doofenshmirtz from phineas and ferb. riggins wants him to make some really deadly stuff, but dirk always says the universe wants him to make an -inator that makes frogs sing, this will set the universe right this week!!!!

riggins and dirk have a very bad bad relationship where riggins forces dirk to do a lot of things he doesnt want to do and dirk finds a way to do them but ducking under causing any real harm. really, all dirk is is an incredible nuisance, a big enough nuisance that he gets to save himself from riggins’ manipulation for a while. sometimes.

anyway, dirk is known by the city as Icarus (segue to talk about dirk’s supervillain outfit which is absolutely inspired by dr. horrible. colored coats and huge black gloves. dorky looking goggles that are on his face whenever hes out being a villain. he changes color of his coat every appearance) thanks to his first invention which was a pair of mechanical wings he made to help aid the Incubus and Marzanna rob a bank. he very famously fell out of the sky and into a dumpster while holding a gigantic bag of money because his wings failed. he got arrested, but like all of Project Blackwing, theyre easily out of jail in like 3 to 4 days tops, much to the irritation of Detective Farah Black.

speaking of! let’s check out our roster of heroes!!!!

farah is a cop by day but the magnificent Athena at night!! Athena is the city’s most popular and well known superhero. she has super strength and even if shes wearing a mask face mask and a visor, everybody just knows she is beautiful. she fights crime at night to make up for the fact that bad guys keep getting away at her job. she got her power from her last job, being the bodyguard of patrick spring, a retired superhero inventor. one of his experiments went wrong and blasted her with a ray that granted her super strength. okay half the reason i gave farah super strength is because i cannot stop thinking about farah effortlessly lifting a truck.

tina!!!! tina isnt a superhero but she comes from a family of empaths. she works alongside farah as a detective and the empath thing means she can basically tell when somebody is lying or not. tina thus knows that farah is athena and farah knows tina is an empath and tina thinks farah is the coolest thing EVER. tina wants to be farah’s sidekick SO BAAAAD but farah never lets her. tina follows her anyway when farah goes nightwatching as covert backup.

now todd and amanda are complicated. pararibulitis exists in this universe the same way it does in canon, todd lied about it, amanda got it, and hes been wracked with guilt ever since and says he’s been cured. it is a terrible terrible condition until both of them learn, independently, that it’s actually a power. nobody else in the family ever learned this. with enough practice, they can make whatever their hallucinations are real and direct them and lengthen them. getting electrocuted? congrats, you have electricity powers for 20 minutes. however, the downside is that it hurts until you control it. amanda also has cool seer powers, and her discovery of these powers leads her to going out more and meeting the rowdy 3 and realizing theyre pretty cool people!!!

meanwhile todd develops pararibulitis for real and realizes it’s a power and decides the Only Way to make amends for his sins is to become a vigilante superhero. it’s so todd. be a superhero by using a power that deliberately hurts him in the process. hoo boy.

ANYWAYYY. todd becomes a masked vigilante known as Spectrum, dubbed by the public because to an outsider’s perspective, it just look like todd has completely random powers (trending twitter hashtag #SpectrumsPowerOfTheDay. is it gonna be electricity? fire? making wasps appear out of nowhere? pulling knives from thin air?? WHO KNOWS!!!)

todd is SHIT at fighting with any finesse and soon meets Athena who begrudgingly teaches him the ropes. they both dont know their secret identities until todd gets hurt and farah has to drag him to his apartment.

ANYWAY MY WHOLE POINT WITH THIS AU IS THAT ICARUS AND SPECTRUM BECOME RIVALS. icarus is DELIGHTED with spectrum because athena isnt too big on fight banter, but spectrum is SO FUN TO RILE UP. please please please imagine icarus and spectrum just squabbling while fighting on top of a building that has icarus’s new useless ray gun, or something.

icarus and spectrum both become quite attached to each other, and if they werent on different sides, theyd consider each other friends!!! icarus uses a healing ray gun to heal spectrum’s wounds when he gets injured. spectrum protects icarus from a falling telephone pole. their fight banter slowly turns into thinly veiled flirting, and they both can feel the tension. because it is....a Lot.

meanwhile, todd in his normal life, suddenly meets dirk gently at a laundromat. he gets a crush on him immediately. dirk gets a crush on todd too. both of them have a crisis about having a crush on “two different people.”

okay okay im done

[perspective-series]

Meta Perspective (10)

By: @arc852 and @hiddendreamer67

Warnings: Slight fear and injury mention

(Check the reblog for the links to any future chapters)

————————————————————————————————–

Patton hopped up the stairs, Virgil close behind as he made sure his pocket was still during the ride up the stairs. The one that held Amanda. Having her the entire day had made him a bit paranoid but things had gone relatively smoothly, so that was a plus.

 He stopped, however, when he saw two familiar faces at their door. “Roman? Logan?” Patton asked. “What are you doing here?”

 Virgil came up next to them a gave them a confused look. They usually texted when they were on their way over.

Logan was tense, stiff as a board as he attempted not to move and jostle Allison in any way. Luckily, Roman jumped to his aid.

“We were waiting for you!” Roman explained. “We...need to talk to the two of you.” Roman hesitated slightly, realizing they hadn’t exactly rehearsed what exactly they would say to their two best friends slash possible kidnappers. “Although I think it would be best for all involved if we discuss this inside.”

Amanda froze, hearing the mention of other humans. That...certainly wasn’t part of the plan. Though she may be growing comfortable around her humans, Amanda was still wary of meeting any more.

 “Oh! Um, okay?” Patton moved past them to unlock the door and Virgil gave Roman and Logan a look. 

 “The two of you are acting weird…”

“I’ve never acted weird in my life!” Roman insisted.

Logan followed him into the apartment, looking almost like a mannequin with his inhuman movements.

 “...Right.” Virgil said, also stepping into his apartment. He glanced over at Logan, eyebrow raised at how he was walking. “Um, L you good there?”

Logan froze. “...I am functional.”

 Virgil frowned at that but Patton spoke up before Virgil could. “So! What did you want to talk about?” Patton asked.

Roman took a large dramatic step forwards, pointing an accusing finger at the pair. “Are you or are you not harboring a tiny humanoid captive?”

Logan smacked his own forehead.

Inside Patton’s pocket, Amanda paid rapt attention to the conversation going on above her. How could these other humans possibly have reason to suspect she was here?

 Allison groaned. She had wanted this done subtly! Now the other humans were going to suspect she was there.

 Both Patton and Virgil froze. “Um, we uh, we have no idea what you’re talking about.” Patton put on an innocent smile. Meanwhile, Virgil was slightly panicking. Had they not hidden Amanda as well as they thought?

“I think you know exactly what we’re talking about.” Roman insisted, noticing their unease.

“Amanda.” Logan piped up, deciding to cut straight to the point. “We are referring to Amanda.”

Amanda hadn’t thought her back muscles could get more tense. How did these humans possibly know her name? Did Virgil and Patton tell them about her? Was she being set up?

 At the sound of Amanda’s name, Virgil stepped in front of Patton, glaring at his two friends. “...How do you know about her?” 

 Allison’s breath hitched. Oh no, she wasn’t ready for this. Please don’t reveal me.

“A little birdie told us,” Roman answered, realizing it wasn’t that far from the truth. “And we will not stand by and let our best friends be kidnappers any longer!”

Amanda’s eyes widened, beginning to gain an inkling of what was actually going on.

 “Wha..? We’re not kidnappers!” Patton exclaimed. “She’s not here against her will!” Well, not anymore.

 Allison tensed. What? No, that couldn’t be true. They were obviously lying.

Logan and Roman glanced at each other.

“Prove it.” Roman narrowed his gaze.

“Indeed, we would require significant proof of such a claim.” Logan backed him up.

 Patton and Virgil shared a glance with one another. “Uh, one moment.” Patton excused himself and Virgil as they both disappeared into Patton’s bedroom. Once inside, Patton carefully took Amanda out of his pocket and, after checking her over to make sure she was okay, asked, “So...what should we do?”

“Well…” Amanda thought about it, her heart pounding. If her suspicions were correct and Allison was involved in all this, then maybe these humans weren’t so bad. Especially considering the fact that Allison was too timid to get involved with anything but the nicest of humans.

Of course, Amanda also had to consider the path where she was wrong and Allison wasn’t involved. Was she really comfortable revealing herself to two human strangers? The idea seemed daunting, but they were Virgil and Patton’s friends. That meant they couldn’t be too bad...right?

“What do you guys think of them?” Amanda asked, deciding she needed a second opinion.

 “Aww, they’re the best! Roman can get excitable and Logan has trouble expressing himself most of the time but they really are good people.” Patton smiled.

 Virgil shrugged. “Roman’s a bit more than excitable but otherwise, yeah, they’re good.”

“...I think they might have found my friend.” Amanda admitted.

 Patton blinked. “Your...friend?”

 Virgil’s eyebrows furrowed. “Wait, since when did you have a friend?” This was news to the both of them.

“I have a life outside of you two, you know.” Amanda reminded them. 

 “Oh, I know!” Patton was quick to say. “I just, well, I guess I never thought about there being others like you. Though, I guess it only makes sense, huh?” Patton chuckled sheepishly.

 Virgil frowned, remembering what Amanda had just said. “So, wait, you have a friend and you think Logan and Roman have them?”

“Well, she is the only one besides you two who knows my name in the building.” Amanda looked between the two of them. “So, unless it’s an uncanny coincidence, or one of you two told them about me…” Amanda trailed off, having not completely ruled out the possibility.

 Patton put a hand up in a sort of surrender. “We didn’t! We wouldn’t, we promise. Right, Virgil?” Patton turned to his friend, who nodded.

 “Yeah, we didn’t tell anyone. Despite whatever you still may think of us, we wouldn’t do that to you.” Virgil said.

“Sorry.” Amanda winced. “I didn’t mean to accuse you of anything, I just thought...maybe earlier...whatever. Doesn’t matter.” Amanda shook her head. “Then it’s either sheer dumb luck, or they found Allison.”

 “Well...what should we do?” Patton asked. “Do you...want to reveal yourself? Or maybe we can get Allison back another way?”

“...I’m not sure,” Amanda admitted. It felt wrong to reveal herself and possibly put Allison at risk if she wasn’t already involved, but at the same time, it seemed as though there could be no other foreseeable outcome.

 “Well, we have to do something. They’re waiting out there as we speak and coming in here already basically confirmed you’re here, so we can’t exactly tell them you’re not.” Virgil spoke, crossing his arms.

“Ugh, you’re right.” Amanda groaned, hating to admit that. “I just...they’re your friends, right? Do you think that would go, I dunno,” Amanda twiddled her thumbs anxiously, “...poorly?”

 They both shared a glance. “It shouldn't,” Patton said. “If anything, we won’t let it.” He said with a determined look.

 “I think it could have gone worse if they didn’t already know about you but since they do…” Virgil shrugged. 

“Okay. Okay okay okay.” Amanda gave herself a shake, psyching herself up. “Let’s do this then. Quickly, before I lose my nerve again.”

 “You just want me to...carry you out there? Like this?” Patton asked.

“Patton I said quickly!” Amanda rubbed against her forehead, feeling tense. “Now you’re making me second guess it again!”

 “Ah! R-Right!” Patton wasted no time in heading out the door and back into the living room. Virgil was quick to follow and Patton bit his lip as he looked between Amanda and his friends.

Logan’s eyes widened, almost unnerved to see another girl so small. This borrower sat atop Patton’s palms, and just as Allison had said Logan was concerned to see she looked injured.

“...Amanda?” Roman guessed, taking a step forward.

Amanda hesitantly nodded.

 “And she can tell you herself that she isn’t here against her will,” Virgil said with crossed arms.

 Allison desperately wanted to see Amanda for herself but she was still scared to pop her head out and be seen by these new humans. She still didn’t believe them, how could she with the state she saw Amanda in?

Roman and Logan looked to Amanda expectantly.

Amanda pursed her lips, torn between her desire to thwart Virgil and her desire to not anger four human beans at once. 

“...I’m not being held against my will.” Amanda finally admitted.

“How were you injured?” Logan pressed, remaining unconvinced.

“Ah…” Amanda winced. “Long story?”

 “She got her leg stuck in some string. That’s how I first met her, actually.” Patton explained.

 “She also jumped off the bed, which was her own fault.” Virgil also chimed in. “Anyway, enough about Amanda for a second.” His eyes narrowed at his friends. “Because she seems to think you have a...friend, of hers.”

“Where’s Allison?” Amanda pointed an accusing finger at the human Beans.

Roman and Logan shared a glance with one another. “...just one moment, please.” Roman excused them both as this time it was their turn to disappear out into the hall. Once there, Logan held open his pocket, Roman peering over the edge.

“So, what should we do?” Roman asked.

 Allison bit her lip. “I-I don’t know…” What if Amanda was being forced to say those things? But...knowing Amanda, if she was being forced to say something she probably wouldn’t even say it. So...did that mean she really was okay? That those humans were...okay?

 “Do...do you believe them?” Allison asked, looking up at the two humans.

“It seems a plausible explanation, given the state of her injuries.” Logan reasoned. “Although I am a bit confused by the implication of her bringing herself to harm throwing herself off furniture.”

 “Yeah…” If they weren’t keeping her captive, why would she feel the need to do that? Allison groaned, knowing what she would have to do. “I think...I think I need to reveal myself. I need to talk to Amanda and that’s the only way it’s going to happen.”

“Alright, if you’re sure,” Roman said. “We’ll support you no matter what, and we can guarantee nothing will happen to you either way.”

“Guarantee is perhaps the wrong term.” Logan corrected. “After all, we cannot predict any and all outcomes.”

“...fine.” Roman gave the nerd a brief glare. “We will protect you no matter what. There, happy ya linguist?”

 Allison felt a small smile growing on her face. “Th-Thank you.” Now to get out of this pocket, she shifted and managed to get to a stand but was now just hanging off the lip of the pocket. “Um...a little help?” She asked shyly.

Roman glanced to Logan.

“Me?” Logan raised an eyebrow.

“Well, it is your pocket.” Roman reasoned. Frankly, he was beginning to feel odd about focusing so much of his attention into Logan’s chest pocket.

Logan carefully maneuvered his fingers into the pocket, gently lifting Allison out. He set her down on his palm, just as Patton had done with Amanda.

 Allison shook slightly as she sat on Logan’s palm. She had been hoping Roman would help her out but she supposed it made sense for Logan to get her. Still...Logan was still not her favorite person.

“All set?” Roman glanced back, his hand already on the door handle. With a nod from Logan, Roman dramatically threw it open. “All right! Everyone, this is Allison.” Roman stepped to the side, allowing Allison to be seen as Logan entered the room.

Amanda’s eyes widened, shocked to see her assumptions confirmed as Allison sat openly in a palm just like herself. “Allison?” 

“Yes, that’s what I said.” Roman nodded.

 Allison laid eyes on Amanda and her eyes widened. “Amanda!” She felt a smile come on her face but then she met eyes with the other two humans and she started to shake again.

 Patton nor Virgil could believe their eyes, despite the fact they both knew Amanda. It was just strange, seeing another borrower. Patton, however, noticed Allison’s fear and he gave her a gentle smile. “Hey, it’s okay. We’re not going to do anything, promise.”

“He’s harmless,” Amanda assured her, finding it almost odd that someone was afraid of Patton despite herself being frightened of him just the other day. Amanda glanced up at the human holding Allison. “...what about him?”

Logan bit the interior of his lip, concerned about Allison’s response.

 Allison looked behind her, remembering whose hands she was in. “Uhh…” What did she say? “He hasn’t...hurt me?” Physically, at the very least.

 Virgil raised an eyebrow, looking to Logan. “And what is that supposed to mean?” He crossed his arms. Patton was now looking at Logan with a confused and concerned expression. 

Roman muttered something about an idiot jar.

“I placed her inside a mason jar for an extended period of time,” Logan admitted guiltily.

Amanda’s eyes widened. So, it seemed Allison hadn’t gotten quite as lucky as herself and had ended up with regular, bad, run-of-the-mill humans.

“And what did you do?” Amanda turned to point an accusatory finger at the other human.

“I didn’t do anything!” Roman raised his hands in self-defense.

 “Logan, how could you?” Patton said, still hung up on what Logan had said. Virgil had glared at Logan but was now on Roman as well. 

 “Don’t lie, Princey,” Virgil said. 

 Allison looked between Virgil and Patton, surprised by how much they seemed to care about what had happened to her. “I mean...Roman wasn’t too bad.” Allison admitted. At least he hadn’t trapped her in a jar.

“Are you okay, Allison?” Amanda leaned forwards, looking at her friend earnestly. “Are you being held against your will?”

“Now hold on a moment, we were supposed to be rescuing you!” Roman pointed out, confused on how this encounter had turned so accusatory.

 “She doesn’t need rescuing,” Virgil said. “But by the sounds of things, Allison might.” 

 “N-No! I…” Allison sighed. “No, not-not anymore. They let me go and I came back because I thought...I thought you needed help.” Allison said, looking at Amanda.

“...oh.” Amanda was certainly surprised to hear such a tale. Allison must have been really concerned about her to go back to all that; Amanda felt a bit guilty for not trying to get a message to her. “Well thank you, but no. I’m good.”

 “Well...I’m glad about that,” Allison said with a smile. She glanced at Patton and Virgil.

 “Yeah, see. Nothing to worry about.” Patton smiled. “She’s in good hands. Literally!” She grinned as he held her up slightly.

“Pat…” Amanda rolled her eyes, letting out an amused snort.

Roman watched the pair of them, his defensive posture slowly deflating. “So...if you’re not in danger...what now?” He looked back to Allison, not sure what the plan was now.

 Allison noticed Roman looking at her. “Oh! Uh...I-I don’t know.” She turned to look at Amanda. “Are you...staying here?” She asked.

“Well, I mean… I was planning on it.” Amanda shifted slightly, embarrassed to admit her clearly against the rules plan to another borrower. “I have to allow my leg to heal a bit more.”

 “Oh, right.” Allison bit her lip. “I mean, as long as you feel safe with them then...I guess it’s okay?” Having humans around to help would probably help her leg heal up faster too.

 Patton grinned. “You’re welcome to stay here if you want! Unless you’re going to stay with…” he glanced between Logan and Roman.

 “Uhh…” Allison didn’t know.

“Yeah! You could stay with us!” Amanda’s eyes brightened at this suggestion. It would certainly be fun to have everybody together.

“You are, of course, under no obligation to stay with us,” Logan assured her.

“...right.” Roman murmured, confirming Logan’s statement as he looked down at his shoes. It made sense that Allison would want to stay with another borrower, after all.

 Allison looked between Logan and Roman and then at Amanda and Patton and Logan. She really did want to be with Amanda again. It had seemed like forever since she had last seen her, especially when she thought she was never going to see her again. But at the same time…

 She shook her head to clear her thoughts. “I um...I’ll probably swing by later.” She still needed to properly talk with Amanda, after all. “But...I’m tired. I think-I think I just want to go home for a little bit.” Now that she knew Amanda was safe, she could finally relax.

 “Well, our home is always open to ya!” Patton exclaimed.

Amanda blinked, surprised and almost hurt that Allison had rejected the offer. Of course, as Amanda glanced at Allison’s humans she understood. Amanda didn’t want to go with new humans either.

“I guess we’ll see you later then,” Amanda said. She wondered if Allison would come by to visit, or if she’d wait until Amanda was away from Patton and Virgil. Amanda hoped Allison wasn’t mad with her decision.

“In that case, perhaps it would be best for us to leave now?” Logan’s statement was more of a question than usual, looking to his companions for reassurance.

“I guess.” Roman shrugged. Honestly, he wanted to stick around and hang out with both borrowers, but it seemed that wasn’t going to happen. It was still a shock that even Allison wanted to come back with them, but that was likely due to the fact she knew them more than Patton and Virgil.

 Allison nodded. “See you later Amanda.” She said with a smile. 

 “See you!” Patton exclaimed, using his free hand to wave bye to her. 

 Virgil was still glaring at Logan, had been for some time. He would have to talk to him-and Roman, despite what Allison said-later.

Logan placed Allison back into his pocket, heading out the door. 

Roman followed, sending one last curious look Amanda’s way before shutting the door behind them.

“Well, that was...unexpected,” Amanda announced after they left. It certainly wasn’t how she had pictured today going.

 “You can say that again,” Patton said. Out of everything, he hadn’t expected Logan and Roman to find a borrower themselves. 

 Virgil turned away from the door. “I hope Allison is doing okay.” She seemed fine for the most part but still…

Amanda just nodded, her eyes still locked on the door. She trusted Allison to speak up if she was in trouble, but...well, they were dealing with humans.

[one-of-us-must-be-crazy]

👀 spare a WIP for a weary traveller

This isn’t going to happen for a LONG TIME but spoilers, eventually in Lucky Star, Christopher gets a little more human, and finds a hobby that he rather likes.

“You’re reading one of his?”

“What?” Ripley bent the mass market completely in half, setting it upside down on the coffee table. Samuels winced.

“That author,” he specified. 

“Oh, yeah. I’ve read the whole series so far,”

“I didn’t think high-fantasy interested you much.”

“Not usually, but I’m over the shoot-outs, military lit, and what generally passes for fantasy anymore. Retro science fiction only goes so far too,” she shrugged. “But I kind of like this guy, he’s got a…I don’t know, his perspective is weird. I like it. Except that thing in this one, where they brought in the wyvren hatchery, the way they move…Reminds me too much of shit.”

“I like what he did with them though; dragons are far too beloved of a feature to demonize at this point, especially by a newer voice.”

“You read them?” Amanda perked up.

“…Technically.”

“What did you think?”

“I want to know what you thought—“

“Nope, you first.”

“I think they could have been better,” he began. “Too many instances where you can tell the author is merely reciting a scene instead of creating one. I think several conversations between the knights and their lords are taken from his own experiences,” there’s more he could pick apart, so much more, but Amanda looks crestfallen as it is, and he’s a little confused by it.

“Yeah but I don’t think he was wearing armor, or talking about a surge of monsters in real life.”

“Well, you never know,” he said with a slight grin. 

“What do you mean?”

“You know that I’ve met many, many people through the company. I could have possibly seen him one day,”

“There’s no fucking way that you’ve met McClaren,” Amanda crossed her arms.

“Why not?”

“He lives in Scotland, for one; two, he’s probably ancient, so what would he be doing in the HR office of Weyland-Yutani, on Luna?”

“I don’t know, but I am familiar with him.”

“You’re lying,” she didn’t bother biting back her smile—she never bothered to around him.

“I’m not lying, and I’ll prove it to you,” she didn’t ask him to elaborate further, and he vanished for a short moment to his office, returning with a hardcover of the second novel.

“So you own a hardcover?”

“Open it,” he said, handing it to her. Amanda raised her eyebrow at him, flicking through the pages, before falling back on something strange on the title page that she missed in her copy of the book.

“holy shit. He signed it for you? The guy never does signings!”

“How do you know he doesn’t?”

“I looked him up once...read a lot about him. I thought you’d like the series, and I was going to try to find a boxed set of it for a gift for you, and see if I could get it signed. But then I found out that a) he doesn’t fucking sign anything ever, b) no one knows what he even looks like, and c) there’s another book left."

“There’s at least one, but knowing him he’ll probably drag it out for another two. He isn’t exactly...aware of human time and space.”

“Wait...Are you still in contact at all?”

“Yes but you can’t talk to him. I’m afraid to lose you to him,”

“Shut up,”

“I am though; he’s no older than I am. And is…apparently, your type.”

“I have at least three types.”

“He’s…much like me.”

“Then I’d rather keep you, not the updated-famous-writer-you. But I just want to ask him-- I’m mad about the alchemist—how could she not know what she was doing? If the king was using her work to help breed the wyverns, she had to know something, she couldn’t be that blind.”

“Perhaps she thought her work would help someone she loved.”

“That’s a whole other thing, that weird statue-hexed-to-life thing by some fuck up of hers? It doesn’t have a soul or a thought of it’s own and it’s...It’s creepy. She never even questioned it. And as far as her research for the wyvren hatchery—how would she think that the king gave a fuck about her science project sex toy—“

“That is awfully cruel, she really thinks that given enough power he might be able to live outside of her study, to be a person.”

“She fucked him though. Without knowing that he can’t say no to her. It was skeevy.”

“We were sleeping together nearly a month before you realized that—at the time—I couldn’t tell you no—“

“Again different story—“

“—is it? And why do you like the character so much if everything she does bothers you that much?”

“…She’s on her own. She came from nothing and now works under the king, not at the big castle of course, but still.”

“I don’t think she thought she was helping the king’s project; or that he was trying to breed monsters in the first place. Her father died in a dead-end battle for him, but…it happens all the time. Accidents. Mishaps. She doesn’t know—“ “Wait, did her dad die at one of the dens?! Oh my god it’s too long until the next one. And shit, if--” Amanda stops herself. Samuels isn’t going to call the guy up just becuase she wants spoilers, but--, well. Actually, that’s the exact kind of thing that Samuels would do.

“She does find out; and her ‘sex toy’ finds the record of her father’s death.”

“How do you—do you have an advanced copy?” he leaves the room again, and she half expects another treasure, an early release with a note in the front, maybe? Instead, he returns with the notebook she had bought him for Christmas. 

“I’m…getting to the point where it’s beyond something that I can…bend out of my own experiences. I don’t want to lean too heavily on folklore but for now it’s the best I can do to avoid just copying out Beowulf.”

“…….You wrote a fanfiction?”

“Amanda, I wrote the whole series.” His partner is silent, and he’s wondering if she hasn’t already guessed it in the past, but she’s clearly in shock. “The author’s first two initials are ‘C. S.’ and that didn’t—“

“I thought it was a Narnia reference!”

“How didn’t you figure out you’re a main character—“

“……I’m the creepy alchemist?! And--she’s like…minor royalty. And pretty.”

“I think you are,” there’s a moment when it clicks in, the secondary character, her hair color, her attitude, her lover, her missing parent, her drive, her lover’s tender affection towards—and it clicked. And other scenes clicked too.

“You wrote and published a sex scene about us?”

“….I’m sorry? It was a fade-to-black though, nothing happened on the page. In the moment it felt like that’s...where they wanted to go.”

“When were you going to tell me about this? Not--not the alchemist but all of it, how did you even keep this a secret???”

“I started…writing memories. Then I could change them. Slightly, and eventually I could reset them entirely and even add and take things and…I figured out how to make things up. As for how I kept it a secret, well, I don’t require a fraction of the rest that you do, and while I do enjoy relaxing with you, I like feeling as if I’m accomplishing something.”

“Look at you figuring out how to be creative,” she did look proud of him, and she was, even if it would take a while to fully comprehend it.

“I’d appreciate it...if no one else found out.”

“People love you—“

“They love a thing that I made.”

“And you by extension—“

“I’d lose my royalties, copyrights, and probably my waking job too if I was exposed on a large scale.”

“You’re being dramatic—royalties?”

“…I…I’ve been saving them.”

“For what? I mean you make a decent check at the meteo center, and the flat’s paid off so what—“

“If you ever want to try--the genetics laboratory on Titan.. We’ll need tickets, lodging for multiple months. Supplies. Medical—it’s…not—don’t think that you have to make your mind up if you aren’t ready--only if you did I thought having the funds ready would...”

“I’m the one that brought it up, but I think…Another day we’ll talk about it but—spoil it for me,” she changed the subject. “Tell me what’s going to happen.”

“You can read it.”

“…You did’t write another sex scene did you?”

“….Yes but not for publication. There’s one that I was going to include but—it was too tasteless, it didn’t suit the rest of the story, and I thought it unnecessary. They arrive back at the main group the following afternoon, walking closer, touching more. Readers will know something happened.”

“But you did write it.”

“…I did. I also wrote another six hundred pages of plot and character development aside from it.”

“I want to read it,”

“Read the actual story first—please I don’t know what I’m doing with it, and it’s overdue to the editor—“

“I’m sure it’s perfect—“ she remembers the dedications at the opening of each book perfection’s closest being, love of my eternity. “The dedications… I’m…I’m the woman they’re all for. All those thank you’s and acknowledgements and—“

“There’s no one else,” he means it in honesty and love. Of course there’s no one else. So few friends and so few confidants. If there were more, she’d still be the one they’re dedicated to, but as it stands, there is quite literally no one else. 

“Could you read it to me? The whole thing. I want to hear it, if it’s so important to you.”

“That’s a lot of –“

“Just a little! Each night a chapter or two. I want to hear it from you, how it was meant to be heard.”

AAAAAND that’s all you get. This is a stand alone bit inside of my “bad AU ideas” file that often ends up getting chopped up for later chapters of LS. This is likely to happen but the thing with Titan isn’t (a genetics lab, the sense being that they’d eventually have a kid/science project of their own). Maybe a one-shot becuase Samuels fretting over an infant is ridiculously cute but it’s not gonna fit the final version of them in Lucky Star.

[rahleeyah]

Listen Noah ratting Elliot & Liv out to Amanda & Amanda's only reaction being 'goddamnit Liv' is so funny to me! I know I sound like a broken record but I really want to know what the Squad thinks of Elliot/Elliot-and-Olivia. Fin knows, of course; but all Carisi & Kat (& Garland) have are the stories they've heard - which are Not! Good! apparently. Amanda is interesting to me because, aside from Fin who knows the whole story, Amanda is the only one who saw S13 Olivia (who was ready to Fight! imo) first-hand. Amanda saw, & had to deal with, the fallout of Elliot's departure; she's got half the story, so what does she think of him & his relationship with Liv? I'm hoping with the upcoming crossover we'll get some more scenes of Elliot with the Squad. Also of note: Amanda/Kelli seems to be the only cast member (so far) without a scene with Elliot/confirmed appearance in OC which has me curious..

All of this anon!!!! What DOES the squad think? Carisi has warned Liv off Elliot, and they seemed to ruffle each other's feathers, and Carisi and Amanda are just hanging out in the hospital together; has he told Amanda that he doesn't trust Elliot? That the higher ups are watching him, that they say he's bad news? Amanda is so protective of Liv; she loves her, and she knows what she's been through, and she remembers, like you said, how wounded and angry Liv was after Elliot left. Their brief conversation in the reunion ep was gentle, but Amanda didn't know anything yet. I feel like now, seeing Liv exhausted, and stressed, knowing what Carisi has told her about how Elliot is a disaster waiting to happen, if Amanda ever gets near him again she's gonna come claws out. No one messes with Amanda's people. Thinking once again about Cassidy hiding out in Liv's apartment and Amanda going to hassle the shit out of him until he turns himself in bc she doesn't want to Liv to risk her career for this jackass. She's not gonna want Liv to risk anything for Elliot, either I feel like.

I am right there with you anon I wanna knowwwwww 🤣🤣 as we all know by now I love the outside looking in perspective, and I love it when people are taking care of Liv, so I would love to see the squad sort of try to protect her in their own way and then slowly come to realize that Liv doesn't need that; what she needs is Elliot.

And please let them see her lose her whole ass mind I love it when Liv goes feral

[atc74]

Dear Readers,

Square(s) Filled: Journalist!Jared for @spnaubingo and Epistolary for @spnfluffbingo2019

Warnings: Struggles, self-affirmations, Jared Padalecki quotes

Summary: Jared is a journalist and decides to share his thoughts with his reader in the form of a letter. 

Pairing: none

Word Count: 509

Written for: @spnaubingo​, @spnfluffbingo2019​

A/N: I think this is something we all need reminders on from time to time. We are not perfect from the outside, but from the inside, we often view ourselves as far from it. So here is a reminder from Jared to all of you. 

Dear Readers,

As a journalist, I have traveled the world seeking out captivating news to bring home to you. As you may not know, some of my favorite stories have been human interest stories. I realized that although their stories are important, there are important stories right here in my own backyard. I strive to bring you information, to open your minds, to help you see a new perspective. But so often we overlook the small things to see the bigger picture.

I’ve seen countries and families ripped apart. I’ve seen things I could never have imagined. I’ve seen things I will remember for the rest of my days. I’ve seen things that will haunt me for a lifetime. I’ve already shared those things with you, maybe not all of them, but enough.

I enjoy my morning coffee at the same table every day. Some days I write and some days I observe. I’d like to share those thoughts and observations with you.

Whether you are a doctor, lawyer or a CEO. You might be a stay at home mom, or dad. You could be a delivery driver or barista. You are a single parent. You are a coach. The truth is, you could be anyone. We all have a one thing in common. I see people every day that struggle.

Your struggle may be mental or physical. It could be emotional or financial. But we all struggle in one fashion or another. I struggle with mental health. This is no surprise to you, my frequent readers, as I have talked about it openly. For me, it is part of my healing process.

My point is that we all struggle with something and I have something I want to say to you, no matter what your struggle might be.

You might argue with me or think I am crazy and know nothing about your struggle. You might be right. But I also know that no matter the issue, we have a tendency to be too hard on ourselves. We carry guilt. We hold it in. We carry burdens that can become too much to bear on our own.

Don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. Let someone help you. Let someone share the weight of your burden, even if it is just for a few minutes. You do not have to do it all alone. You shouldn’t have to. We take on so much, often to the breaking point. But what exactly is my point, you’re probably asking by now.

Take a break. Breathe. Live in the moment.

Know your worth. You can do this.

You are not your mistakes. You are evolving every day.

You did your best today and you need to be proud of your efforts.

You are enough.

You are not alone.

When life beats you down, never give up.

Don’t underestimate your own strength.

Always remember that no matter how useless you feel, you’re someone’s reason to smile.

You are powerful, beautiful, brilliant and brave.

Always keep fighting.

All my love,

Jared

The Whole Enchilada: @iwantthedean @dolphincliffs @mrswhozeewhatsis @meganwinchester1999 @cherrycokegirls1 @closetspngirl  @roxyspearing @flamencodiva @blacktithe7 @sis-tafics @just-another-busyfangirl @evansrogerskitten @amanda-teaches @hannahindie @wotinspntarnation @winchesterprincessbride @winecatsandpizza @kickingitwithkirk  @wi-deangirl77 @hobby27 @mogaruke @gh0stgurl @paintrider13-blog @hunterscabin @alleiradayne

Jared tags: @supernatural-jackles @mtngirlforever