#also probably full of typos

[alxastrx]

When you're one of the most selfish mc who only saves people because it's part of a job you never wanted and did not get to chose or you would've died, who took your co-workers' morals and ideals because you didn't have any and desperately wanted to fit in somewhere, be it with the heroes or the villains, who's activelly haunted by one the most tragic past to have been created and suffer from a psychosis so bad (dare I say schizophrenia) that even your enemies acknowledged that you are mentally ill and objectively flawed in your judgement, never hesitated to try to kill anyone and has the most egoistic reason to be a good person but the fandom still thinks you're just a kind crybaby "I don't know what a gun is" homosexual twink.

[thatfrenchacademic]

OK so about this "34, unmarried and childless" article about Taylor Swift. Let me tell you about Scam Academia.

TL;DR: some mediocre dude had a half baked opinio nabout Taylor Swift that everyone hated, but like Mother Nature I let nothing go to waste.

Here is the take you have not heard yet, about this opinion: this guy is actually a good case study on how to develop your academic literacy, aka how to recognize a true academic from a scammer who presents themselves as an academic, but is just a crook. In a world of pseudoscience and pretend experts that have enough resources to organize their flat earth conference, let me walk you through the world of Scam Academic, where for a few thousand dollars, you too can claim to be a researcher with a doctorate! Follow me down a rabbit hole that I hate with my whole heart!

Preamble: I have zero skin in the TS game. I don't get the hype, the lore, the obsession with those 2000s bracelet or dissecting every single line or every single song.

But then. Some guy had to write an op-ed stating Taylor Swift was not a good role model for girls ("in the US and beyond"), and it is a terrible take on so many level, but here is the thing. Whiny conservative think-pieces about highly successful women who should get back to the kitchen and think of the children are nothing new. But this one is different.

This one is fucking terribly written. It's just an abysmally written blog post. Genuinely one of the worst thing I have ever read, and I read hundreds of undergrad essays every year for a living. It contradicts its own arguments in every paragraph. It over-explains concepts like it's a high school essay and he's trying to meet the word count. It says "this is a valid question worth asking" but does not actually explain why it is worth asking. It is so, so, so bad.

Conservative writers are usually more the "high brow, drowning you in grandstanding" kind of writers. They are, usually, good technical writers - it's the one thing that helps make their talking point sound legit and palatable. So an abysmally bad conservative writer? Ok, I am intrigued.

The author is one John Mac Ghlionn. I look up the guy on Google and...

Oh.

Oh no, John.

Spewing conservative bullshit at women AND a researcher? You're in my turf now, John. You could have continued to cover UFC Pillow Fight Championships, or alien technology and other riveting subjects, but you had try to connect two brain cells to argue a thing, and slap "researcher" on top of it. Now I'm offended, as a researcher.

1. I am sorry, researcher WHERE?

Ok so if one is a "researcher", it means one conduct "research". and contrary to what backyard conspiracy theorists think, "researcher" is an actual job. It is an actual professional occupation. You get an actual contract, and you are paid actual money. By an actual employer: public (University), private (Think tank, private company), or a mix of both (at Unviersity, but on a privately funded project, for example).

So where does our John Mc Ghlionn work?

Well. Nowhere, as far as I can tell.

John does not list any affiliation. Usually, when they write, academics will state their exact position (Researcher, Doctoral Researcher, Associate Professor, Chief Engineer, Head of Department, Research Director...) and where they work. For example:

That's what it is supposed to look like.

But John? Nope, no affiliation anywhere, on anything he ever published. That's a pretty massive read flag. Research takes ressources: at the very least, time and access to database and documentation, even in social sciences in humanities. You may not need a lab, but you sure as hell need money and full access to JStore at least.

So I thought he was just one of these "I google therefore I research" kind of dude. But then, out of nowhere:

I am sorry. He has a WHAT.

2. I am sorry, a Doctorate from WHERE?

So. One thing to claim to be a researcher when you are just a professional yapper. Another to claim a DIPLOMA.

And not any diploma. A doctorate.

Let's pause. "Doctorate" is actually a really broad umbrella term of all doctoral-level degrees. The most famous (and most prestigious, for better and worse) is the PhD, but a PhD is technically just one of many Research Doctorate of, theoretically, the same level (cue this helpful reddit post). A second category of doctorates are the Applied Doctorates, and while there is Discourse on where they sit vis-a-vis PhD, the easiest is to consider that they are not research-oriented. They are hands-on, practice-oriented degrees. For example: you can practice medicine with an MD. You don't need a PhD. You can still call yourself a doctor, though.

Alright, so which of these does our friend Johnnie has? Or is currently enrolled in? And in which University?

You will notice that John does not go by "John Mac Ghlionn PhD" or even "Dr John Mac Ghlionn", when you just KNOW he is the sort of person that would but that shit everywhere. And no shade here, because I, for one, do put that shit everywhere. Maybe he is just currently enrolled in a program and has not graduated. Fair.

Since John does not list affiliation, I had to switch from academic to internet sleuth, and dig out this article:

But we learn that in 2021, John was a "PhD Scholar" in "Parkmore Institute". "PhD Scholar" is not a title I am sued to, but it's also not raising any red flag: ongoing PhD researchers can be "PhD students", "PhD fellows", "PhD researchers"... It varies from country to country and from institution to institution, so why not "PhD Scholar".

Let's check out the Parkmore Institute.

Ok, they are not a traditional university, but they appear to be more of a postgraduate institution: offering only higher level degrees, not undergrad courses. Once again, not necessarily a red flag. They are usually very heavily research focused, and embrace the "research" side of academia more than the "teaching" side. In Germany, the Max Planck Institutes are research-only institutions who deliver PhDs. They conduct cutting edge research, in part because their researchers rarely have to spend time teaching.

But that is NOT the Parkmore Institute. First of all, let's see what programs they offer:

None of them are legit.

And I mean, none of them are recognize as even Applied/Professional Doctorate by the National Science Foundation (US based). And while a PhD in Human sexuality would be perfectly valid, but I'm going to on a limb and say I have some serious doubts about "Bodymind Healing" as an academic field.

These are not legit academic degrees.

What they are, is an excellent money-making opportunity for anyone working at the Parkmore institute. Students will pay, at the very least:

And 60% of this goes to their " faculty mentor". The Parkmore institute provides no research fund, no desk or office space (they are entirely digital), no access to any resources or library, not even a Zoom account. There is also no mention of any timeline: how long a PhD take to complete? Who knows. 6 months ? A year ? 5 years? What are the requirements to graduate ? Who knows ! And I would need to pay $200 to get in touch with them, so I sure as fuck won't know any time soon!

But let's get back to our friend John. Remember that he stated, in that 2021 publication, he was a "PhD Scholar" at Parkmore ? Well that's a shame because Parkmore does not deliver PhDs. Ain't that a bitch.

ALSO. Parkmore helpfully has page with all their Doctoral Recipients! And guess who is NOT HERE ! That's right, our Johnnie !

How can this be ? Well, three possibilities:

John is still not done with a PhD. After 4 years ? In a crank university where I am pretty sure I can submit the first draft of a litt review and graduate ? Nah

John never completed the thing. Boo, that would mean that John is lying, when he says he has a doctorate. Bad, bad.

John did graduate, and obtained his doctorate in [scrolls back to check] psychosocial studies, and then was not put on the website or was withdrawn some time before today, as Parkmore institute ended their affiliation with him, as per this bit in their application form

A shame, really. If John had been affiliated with the Parkmore Institute, it would give a shred of legitimacy to anything he writes to anyone just skimming.

Now, I would love to get in touch with the Parkmore Institute and ask to see John's doctoral work, which they DO have, since the application for also has this very interesting section:

(definitely very legit, very normal).

But I am not sure how I would even phrase that request without transparently going

"hey, would love to see what bullshit research is being done over there, since one of your graduate decided to go all Handmaid's tale for the last 2 years".

If anyone feels like sending that email, I am begging you to keep me in the loop.

3. Back up, back up, what's up with that article?

Remember the article where he was listed as a "PhD Fellow"?

Well, about that... No. Welcome to the world of predatory publishing, one more cog in the Bullshit Academic ecosystem.

First: not at article. It's a "commentary". Could be worth something ia good journal, but still would not be a piece of research. But that is the least of its sins.

Its sins are being published in a journal called "Sociology and Criminology-Open Access", by a publisher called "Longdom". Longdom publishing has a bunch of journals on a lot o different fields, with the particularly of being predatory; they will publish absolutely anything you send them, as long as you pay their Article Processing Charges:

There are entire lists of Predatory journals on the web, you can find on here and another here , Longdom Publishing is in both.

This is how John can publish this last minute, Redbull-and-weed-induced essay in an actual journal, with an abstract that, I kid you not, finishes with "Please find the paper attached." He slapped together a shitty essay about people in India are poorer and therefore more likely to exhibit psychopathic traits and therefore engage in corruption, purely base on vibes. It does not even deserve be given any consideration, not even to be debunked. There is nothing to be debunked. This would be a failing grade for a 1st year intro class.

CONCLUSION

On the surface, John Mac Ghlionn is the poster boy of failed edgelords who really wish they were Jordan Peterson, but unfortunately are just Doug, the guy for 10th grade who failed the Literature class and decided it was because litterature was too woke today anyway.

Beneath the surface, John is a case study in Scam Academia, and the proof that no matter how bad actual academia is, Scam Academia can always get worse.

A quick checklist to go through whenever someone claims be a researcher, an academic, a fellow, a doctor, a PhD or anything of the sort:

What is their affiliation? Is this a legitimate organization?

Do they have a PhD? Another doctorate degree? From where?

Have they published ? Where is it published?

[the-one-who-lambs]

I wrote 1400 words today in 3 hours, which is absolutely nuts for me (usually I write in like 1, max 2 hour sessions, and get like 200-500 done on days that I write). I'm tempted to write more, but I'm just about to finish the first big scene of the chapter and if I leave that for myself tomorrow that gives me a really easy starting point to get into a good flow again.

My chapters are usually about 6k-7k on average. I warned y'all in advance that I expected this to be the longest chapter in the entire fic, because this (and ch 16+17) are going to be the most character development-heavy, climactic parts of the narrative. And since I'm want to make this chapter in particular hit like a motherfucker, I am being very generous about not rushing the pacing here. So far Chapter 15 is 4500 words, and my god do I want to write more of it right now, but I know damn well that overall writing more consistently in shorter sessions gives me much better results so I'm going to let my creative batteries recharge.

Normally, I don't make my writing any longer than it needs to be, because I am able to take the events of what could be a 15k chapter and make it just as effective in, say, 5-7k, and it's taken a lot of skill development to be able to do that successfully and without much difficulty. However, (I hope) I have enough practice with the "rules/standards" of "good writing" that I'm experimenting with breaking that particular convention intentionally.

Which is... not usually what my readers expect from my updates lmao. So I'm giving y'all a warning in advance:

I'm gonna estimate that this chapter's gonna be 13k-15k. Probably 12k at the absolute minimum. Will it actually take too much longer than a regular chapter? Probably not a whole lot because I'm in the creative-energy-overflow stage of chapter writing that gets me so in the zone that I've powered through half the chapter in a week before I know it.

[cent-scratchnsniff]

More sketchy employee profile images. Mostly made to be able to replace the picrew I had in the template I made since I can draw. I did end up just putting it as back and white though but the color is just nice to have. I'm STILL trying to tweak the template since it is very finicky and there is an example of what it looks down below if you're interested. It is a lot. It will happen. I am just not the quickest

There are typos and inconsistencies I missed but in general it should be fine...

[sky-kenobye]

Making of Monday

More of a fun fact than a making of, but I struggle a lot to not edit as I go, which slow me down so much, and a while ago I read a writing tip that said that setting the font to something you can't read helps with that (since you can't read it you can't edit and you keep writing). I finally tried it and honestly it's working pretty well so far I think?

Anyway,

I'm writing a star wars fic in aurebesh:

(Sorry for the bad quality, I took a photo of my laptop like an old person lol)

[wondrouswendy]

@rangerzath said Zachariah Trench is a yaoi enjoyer without directly saying it

[tales-of-sweets]

Zagi's Tragic Need For Validation

I don't think that Zagi became obsessed with Yuri the moment he met him or that an interesting fight alone was what motivated him to chase Yuri the ends of the earth. I believe he was out for Yuri's blood, yes, but not for blood's sake but instead because of what it symbolized... This is a headcanon/interpretation that I've probably talked about a million times before, but I'm thinking about it again! Since it chronologically references the events of the game and includes sources/examples it's pretty lengthy so I'll put it under the cut!

The first time he meets Yuri he's on a job and, while it seems to be the first worthwhile fight he's had in a long while, he leaves willingly when he's called to retreat (well, willing in the sense that this is the only time we ever see him retreat mid-battle while he's still in perfect fighting condition).

The next time we see him he's on yet another job, eager to kill "something", his choice of words even with Yuri right in front of him and they seem to recognize each other.

Zagi doesn't actually seem to acquire any fixation on Yuri at all until after the second battle, specifically after he's defeated... and Yuri compliments him. Even after what we can clearly see Zagi believes is a failure on his part (worth noting that in the official translation he says "...I-I retreated..." instead of "...I-I'm finished..." even though they both convey a similar feeling.)

From this point forward, we never see him taking another job or working with Leviathan's Claw. Hunting down Yuri appears to have become his full time fixation. Zagi to me seems like an incredibly lonely man. He is isolated by his own abilities and his inability to relate to others in a meaningful way. He has reached a level of skill that few can comprehend, let alone match (things that are corroborated by this skit here:

He takes pleasure in killing and victory but has not known the rush nor the bond of a fair fight in so long. For all of his hooting and hollering about wanting to kill Yuri, I don't think that's exactly what he was truly getting out of this whole thing. I don't think that's actually what he was chasing. That was the first time he'd found someone on his level and that was the only time Yuri ever complimented him so to me it seems like what he's really chasing is that same high of validation. A connection. He wanted Yuri to come at him with full force, to find joy in their fights as he did, to connect with him... but he only got that the one time. All future instances involved Yuri dismaying at his presence, swatting him off like a pest, fighting him only to remove him as an obstacle. So many of his lines feel like validation seeking, not only in the form of wanting friendship, but more in the way of just wanting to be recognized period. For example:

He tried to make himself stronger, augmented himself, taunted him, but there was always some bigger issue that held Yuri's attention, something greater than him. To me, that played a huge role in why, in the end, he had to make himself Yuri's priority even if it meant destroying himself in the process. While the whole "you can't break the seal without my arm" bit is a little contentious (poor wording? an outright lie? mistranslation?), the truth of the matter is that, in a last ditch effort, he made himself Yuri's number 1 priority. He was now an important part of his quest, not just an annoyance to be brushed aside. Yuri had to take him seriously now.

And when, at last, he was defeated, he thought maybe then Yuri had seen his value and worth, that at last their fight had resonated with him.

Of course we all know how that ended. While I have many issues with the way this ending was handled, I think we get some interesting insight from it that I believe lends some credence to this interpretation:

I think it's worth nothing that almost everyone expresses some sort of sympathy and understanding towards Zagi in the end, except for Yuri. While it is a very valid and plausible interpretation to think that Yuri still doesn't care even after his death, I personally choose to consider the fact that Yuri, as we have seen time and time again, is not very upfront with his emotions and is not always the quickest to admit when he's wrong. I think he could see the tragedy of the situation, I think he could recognize that he really hadn't understood Zagi's intentions, and it's my personal theory that that's precisely why he took a more forgiving approach when confronting Duke in the end. I cannot, in any way, fault Yuri for not stopping to befriend the guy who, for all intents and purposes, seemed intent on killing him. But I also can't help but see the tragedy of the situation from Zagi's perspective. Raven states that something changed after Zagi met them. While it's hard to imagine him as an upstanding citizen or pleasant person to begin with, he probably wasn't always like this.

Raven lends a little more insight too, one of the skits following his demise:

Yuri, Duke, the Don (not shown in the screenshot, though Raven does reference him and Belius), they were held together by the bonds they shared with people who understood them. I think there could have been a chance for Zagi to have turned things around, not let his obsession with Yuri consume him to this degree. Hell, I don't even think it's improbable that he could have become an ally, put his energy into something more productive (as Yuri put it several times over). I don't think Zagi was always doomed to this fate, I think he just met the wrong person at the wrong time.

[dearweirdme]

I've seen your posts about Taekook and I like the way you think. I tend to agree, but I get confused when I see about Jikook. How you think they are different? You talk about "grand gestures", what is that about?

Hi anon!

No need to get confused, although I do understand why you would be. I wrote about Tae and Jk in these posts:

So I won't go into them a lot now (although I could, because... wow :) ). It's also so hard and a bit unfair to really compare friendships or relationships I think. Every friendship is different and has it's own strenths and weaknesses. No two people are the same and therefore no bond between people can be the same. It's like comparing apples to oranges.

Jimin and Jk are friends, they have a very strong bond I believe and are very fond of each other. There's no denying that. Their personalities together make for a very happy, funny, adventurous, relationship (platonic) full of banter. Jimin is also a very flirty person in general. It comes natural to him, he is flirty with a lot of people (disclaimer, this is not a negative thing... being flirty doesn't have to be sexual or romantical at all). Jk is not a natural flirty person (imo). He gets flustered by it easily, but... I think he does appreciate a flirty atmospere. Whenever Jk is flirty (on lives for instance) I always feel it's because he intends to be. While Jimin is more naturally flirty.

I am actually quite sure Jk and Jimin are not in a romantic relationship. I can look at Jikook videos on youtube and still be sure of my believe in Taekook without much effort. I do understand why a lot of people do see sometning there though. Those grand gestures I mentioned are there. It's the touches, the hugs, some comments, handholding, patting each others butts. Those are easily spotted and in general those things are what make you go "side-eye". A lot of fans (especially young ones) take those grand gestures and come to a conclusion right away: Jikook is real. They do not really look beyond what they see. Not to bash anyone, but I feel it takes some experience with actual relationships (doesn't have to be your own, but just real adult relationships around you) to be able to see what is lacking in Jimin and Jk's interactions and why that means they are just friends.

I have looked at a lot of Jikook videos and I see nothing but two friends enjoying teasing each other. Jimin mostly initiates, because he has the natural inclination to be flirty and Jk will allow hugs, some touches and occasional handholding. Jk however, often leans away from the touches and will even try to get out of them (and yes, there is footage showing he doesn't lean away, but in general he will). He will either create space between their heads or keep space between them... he doesn't lean in to get closer. Like this for instance:

This is something Jk does do with Tae though. He does incline his head towards Tae, he does try to close the space between them (again... in general). He lets Tae get into his personal space easily.

Simply put... Jk isn't a 100% comfortable whith Jimin entering his personal space. I don't mean to imply that Jimin is crossing boundaries here... he is always quick to pull off and I see it more as playfull behavior. The way we let people into our personal space is not black or white... it's better to look at it as something placed on a scale. We let people we trust the most get the closest. I'd say a young child and their parent are a 100%, two strangers at most 10% for instance. Jimin and Jk to me look about 70% while Tae and Jk go up to near 100%.

Another reason for me to believe in Taekook rather than Jikook is the way Vminkook are together. Jimin doesn't care what Tae and Jk do together. While Jk and Tae do care when the other is physically close to someone else. There are some very distinct moments that would not have happened if Jikook were real. All of this:

but also these:

All examples of Tae and Jk being couply with Jimin present and having no problem with it.

Most of the stuff i've seen people use for evidence of Jikook is stuff I interpret very differently. It's a lot of playfull banter. Jimin likes to tease Jk, but not with any actual sexual or romantic intent. Jk comforts Jimin a lot, but to me that's as friends not as lovers. The GCF with Jimin in Tokyo is just a friends vacation to me (I ave footage of me and a friend that is very much like that). So, I think people took some grand gestures, made up their minds and started interpretating everything else with an already fixed idea in mind.

It's easy to act out the grand gestures. Anyone can do it. Bodylanguage is something that is hard to fake and hide though. Tae and Jk's bodylanguage with each other has an ease to it that to me Jk and Jimin's just doesn't. I don't want to diminish Jimin and Jk's bond. Friendships are also extremely important relationships. They care for each other and they are fond of each other. I just don't think they are together romantically.

[autistic-autumn]

Interesting medieval Latin poems

Okay so I've been reading a lot of medieval Latin poems recently and some of them are pretty cool. My latin is unfortunately very limited so I've most been relying on translations. I am no expert in the field at all. A lot of these poems are quite long so I'm not going to post all of them. Some of them are just stuff I have written up part of in a google doc too so they aren't great.

Most of the translations I'm using are by Helen Waddell because she did an enormous amount of translation and her stuff tends to try preserve a lot of the meaning and poetic form over direct translations. Her translations are sometimes not all that direct but still poetic and neat.

This here is the Dies Irae, known as the day of wrath:

I've just stolen this straight from wikipedia because it's so famous. It is a 13th century poem of unknown origin got turned into a Gregorian chant and later became part of the traditional requiem texts as the Dies Irae sequence. As such there is a large number of music works for the text, the most famous being in Mozart's and Verdi's requiem. The text is often split into a large number of verses and makes up the full requiem sequence. The original Gregorian chant melody was picked up into general music works and being reused in a number of works (I believe the first instance of this is Berlioz's Symphonie Fantastique mvt 5). Overall just a very cool poem with some musical adaptations.

On a similar note a lesser known poem titled Dies Irea exists.

This poem here is by St Columba, a 6th century poet. Hellen Waddell suggests with her translations that it may be a precursor to the more well known Dies Irae above. This appears to just be a small snippet of the full poem by St Columba. It was set to music in 1962 by Benjamin Britten.

Another very famous poem is the O Fortuna:

This too is just take from wikipedia and has many translations out there (Helen Waddell's isn't all that great I don't think and I don't want to type it out). The poem is of unknown authorship and taken from a 13th century manuscript known as the Carmina Burana. This manuscript is full of goliardic poetry. The goliards who wrote this poetry often spoke on topics such as love, fate, drinking. ect. A lot of this stuff was somewhat sacrilegious by 13th century standards and much of the poetry remains anonymous. Carl Orff famously took 24 of these poems and created the Carmina Burana, with the O Fortuna as the opening work.

One of the poets who we do (kind of) know the name of in the Carmina Burana is The Archpoet. The Archpoet had 10 poems, with all of his 10th and part of his 6th appearing in the Carmina Burana manuscript. Here is the Confession by the Archpoet:

This poem is a personal favourite of mine. I've mostly seen the original poem laid out in four line stanzas with slightly different spellings in the Latin. Waddell's own translation spells the first line as "Estuans inrinsecus" but splits the original into eight line stanzas. I have no idea why this is but I just quickly found a latin one online that matched up with the translations by Waddell. I find this poem very powerful and the translation very well encapsulates both the poetic form and rhythm while keeping the original meaning intact. I have set this text to music myself and have most extensively studied the latin translations of any poem on this list.

Another Goliardic poem that appears in the Carmina Burana Manuscript is the Portrait Of Despair:

This translation is actually by George Whicher in his book "The Goliardic Poets; Medieval Latin Songs and Satires". The full piece is three stanzas long (at least in the book) but this one here is just the one stanza I wrote up. I think this verse is the most interesting anyways.

Another poem from the Carmina Burana Manuscript in George Whichers book is Iste Mundus, This Dizzy World:

I don't really have a lot to say about this one. It just think it's neat

There are a bunch of other interesting ones I have that I might update this post with but that's a little collection of some of the interesting stuff.

[jacksintention]

Concerning the conversation about love and hatred, I've compiled a few of the lines I've saved through these last two years that at times make me think of Jack when it comes to this topic

Estas manos, que son tuyas,

pero que al verte quisieran

quebrar las ramas azules

y el murmullo de tus venas.

¡Te quiero! ¡Te quiero! ¡Aparta!

Que si matarte pudiera,

te pondría una mortaja

con los filos de violetas.

¡Ay, qué lamento, qué fuego

me sube por la cabeza!

(...)

¡Ay qué sinrazón! No quiero

contigo cama ni cena,

y no hay minuto del día

que estar contigo no quiera,

porque me arrastras y voy,

y me dices que me vuelva

y te sigo por el aire

como una brizna de hierba.

.

Love has no middle term; either it destroys, or it saves. All human destiny is this dilemma. This dilemma, destruction or salvation, no fate proposes more inexorably than love. Love is life, if it is not death. Cradle; coffin, too. The same sentiment says yes and no in the human heart. Of all the things God has made, the human heart is the one that sheds most light, and alas! most night.

.

It is sometimes said that the sword wears out the scabbard. That is my history. My passions have made me live, and my passions have killed me.

.

Stronger than lover’s love is lover’s hate. Incurable, in each, the wounds they make.

I adore you, but I hate you too. You’re a prison smothered in flowers. I can’t stand this enchantment anymore, I can’t stand being bewitched like this–when I look at you, my gaze turns to nothing but a mirror of light, I’ll stare at you hypnotized for ages, and when I stop seeing you I’ll feel you, and when I stop feeling you I’ll die.

.

Someone tells me: this kind of love is not viable. But how can you evaluate viability? Why is the viable a Good Thing? Why is it better to last than to burn?

.

Life is a series of obsessions one must do away with. Aren’t love, death, God, or saintliness interchangeable and circumstantial obsessions?

.

she is the only thing of importance, because I have a God-relationship to her.

.

it is not she who binds me, but I who have made use of her to bind myself.

.

The thought that you exist is so divinely blissful in itself that it is ridiculous to talk about the everyday sadness of separation—a week’s, ten days’—what does it matter? Since my whole life belongs to you.

.

What have you done with me? he asks. I have repeated you.

.

But I do feel strange-almost unearthly. I’ll never get used to being alive. It’s a mystery. Always startled to find I’ve survived

Walking home, for a moment / you almost believe you could start again. / And an intense love rushes to your heart, / and hope. It's unendurable, unendurable

.

I clung to him as though only the one who had inflicted the pain could comfort me for suffering it.

I could be free … If I could pluck out the memory of him from my heart as easily as his heart was plucked from the fire, I could be free.

.

I am imprisoned by devotion. I shy away from people. I am alone. I fall into depression.

She was the world That he was losing; and the world he sought Was all a tale for those who had been living, And had not lived. Once even he turned his horse, And would have brought his army back with him To make her free. They should be free together. But the Voice within him said: “You are not free. You have come to the world’s end, and it is best You are not free. Where the Light falls, death falls; And in the darkness comes the Light.

.

I miss you like a knife in my throat.

.

Only love can save me and love has destroyed me.

Should I be grateful or should I curse the fact that despite all misfortune I can still feel love, an unearthly love but still for earthly objects?

.

My songs are filled with poison - Why shouldn’t that be true? My heart bears a nest of serpents And also, darling, you.

.

their love is like hatred

.

She did not yet love him enough to be cruel to him.

.

our hatred is almost indistinguishable from our love

.

under the sincere guise of hatred I simply loved […], only in this type of love (repulsion) I loved him with greater strength than had I loved him in the simplest form — attraction.

.

Perhaps he was handsome, perhaps I found him attractive, perhaps he repelled me too.

.

Struck by the abstract nature of absence; yet it’s so painful, lacerating. Which allows me to understand abstraction somewhat better: it is absence and pain, the pain of absence—perhaps therefore love?

.

Eroticism is the brink of the abyss. I’m leaning out over deranged horror (at this point my eyes roll back in my head). The abyss is the foundation of the possible. We’re brought to the edge of the same abyss by uncontrolled laughter or ecstasy. From this comes a “questioning” of everything possible. This is the stage of rupture, of letting go of things, of looking forward to death.

.

Love is madness. Doesn’t everyone agree that you’d do anything, endure anything, to be with the ones you love? So either you’re willing to let them use you with any sort of cruelty, so long as they keep you—which makes you a fool—or you’re willing to commit any cruelty, so long as you get to keep them—which makes you a monster. Either way, it’s madness.

.

This madness is so deep-rooted and so useful that it is impossible to realize what would become of each of us if it were someday to disappear.

.

If I must die of fire, why not let me die of yours: knowing that you are the author of my doom will make it more endurable to me

.

His desire for loyalty was naive, he hadn’t understood that being loyal wasn’t so tidy, being loyal means being disloyal to everything else.

.

I have always loved you / Always dreaded you

You will betray me, as I have betrayed, / And I shall kiss the hand that does me wrong

.

Listen: the way I loved you / was like my palm over a flame.

.

If I have the destruction of something that I once loved to carry with me at all times, isn’t it like I still have a companion?

.

One can fall in love and still hate.

.

and I will kill thee, And love thee after.

.

Yet, other characters, namely Heathcliff, Catherine, and Lockwood, remain more actively at war with love in their adult lives. Some force, as inexorable as the wind sweeping over the moors, seems to have bent their lives into a pattern of frustration that their own struggle for relief only aggravates. Their need for love is expressed, not through loving, but through the anguish of loneliness. Paradoxically, though they do not know it, this loneliness is the one condition necessary for the fulfillment of their most profound fantasy concerning perfect love: a love, that is, perfectly protected against the threat of abandonment that in childhood these sufferers learned that love entails.

.

I feel you there, in every pore. Your silence clamors in my ears. You can nail up your mouth, cut your tongue out — but you can’t prevent your being there. Can you stop your thoughts? I hear them ticking away like a clock, tick-tock, tick-tock, and I’m certain you hear mine.

Odi et amo. quare id faciam, fortasse requiris? nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior.

I hate and I love. Why do I do this, perhaps you ask? I do not know, but I feel it happen and it is excruciating.

[brutal-out-here]

One thing that I’ve thought about a lot over the years that I would just go straight to the source and ask about it if I knew I wouldn’t get met with either ignorance or some dumb reason is that to the people who believe that Taylor does not like men at all and that every relationship she’s had in her career has been a cover up to hide this fact, who do you all think the songs she’s written are about? Do you believe they’re made up stories or that they’re actually about other people we may or may not know about? I’ve always been curious because if some believe they’re made up then I think Taylor would have to be a damn good actor and a lier to pull it off. And to those who believe they’re about other people my question is why would Taylor let the blame for her heart breaks be put on people who didn’t do anything? Specifically I know there’s people who believe her and Jake’s relationship was fake and so do they just believe Taylor has let all this blame be put on him so much so that I’m sure it’s taken a hit on his career? (don’t get me wrong I don’t think it’s had that much effect but there definitely is some) Anyways I’m not going to tag this with anything so I don’t get jumped but I’ve been wanting to make a post about this for a while

[dragoncarrion]

who’s an OC you haven’t shared on here before :0?

ahhhh a bunch 😭 mostly because I have almost nothing on them.... But I'll pick one that is REALLY IMPORTANT yet barely developed. Sad!

So I think in other posts I've mentioned there's a titan beneath the colosseum? Yeah well those are "doomsday" titans, much, MUCH bigger than regular titans, practically country or continent sized. Got a bit inspired by iaconus from cbv as in these were buried a loooong time ago, being akin to gods. These titan's city speakers (and city speakers in general) disappeared, either because they went into hiding, jail, stasis lock or they just were killed sometimes 💀 in fear that they'd try to reawaken these titans. There's some prophecy or whatever of them waking up once again, destroying Cybertron and a whole lot of other planets in a struggle for power, but because of how much time has passed, this had pretty much been completely forgotten, spoken of as myths at MOST. There's around seven of these? And most of them are underneath MASSIVE cities since valuable minerals always surround them, as well as some odd energy that can be used to power up shit yadda yadda. They're technically dormant, but not fully powerless, as their influence can still take hold of feeble minds.

One of these rotten minds is an odd bot. Not quite an outlier, but not a regular mech at all either. Granted the ability to completely shape shift into whatever body he wishes, he goes by many names, but let's call him Armageddon. I'm still figuring out how he stumbled upon (one of. Maybe) the titans, and also WHICH one, but long story short, they promised power and glory. His mind was corrupted; after all, only city speakers can converse with titans. A destroyed world was a promise to start anew (he's just some doomer wacko and insane. think of the cultists from Dredge) with him as everyone's saviour and new chance of course, a loyal servant to the titans. Little by little, he's been looking for clues and pulling strings to awaken the titans and fulfill this prophecy, bringing in other impressionable and easily persuaded bots, always with the same promises: an end to the wretched today, and a chance for a fresh start, a clean slate tomorrow... Of course, there not doing all this thinking by themselves. Many swear they can feel something at the back of their minds, tugging at their thoughts

[mac-cheez]

Just got a really weird ask that really confused me:

I was half asleep when I read this, and it was so shocking and confusing that I immediately woke all the way up.

So like weird.

[tunacharm]

oh fuck the hyperfixation is starting to become politics

[shellaxdude]

okay, so im trying to work out the timeline of rise and i need a place to log my shit so i can remember my thought process.

a lot of rambling is under the cut btw. i hope its coherent for my own records if nothing else

so. season one theyre said to be m:13, d:14, l:14, r:15, and a:16. april has a birthday episode in season one. according to the air date of "warren and hypno sitting in a tree," this birthday occurred on June 1st, 2019. ignore the actual date if you have a different headcanon for her birthday bc its not actually important, but im using it as a base for her age.

so if april is 16 at the start of season 1, she should be turning 17, right? no. later, in "always be brownies," one of casey's girls calls her old and april responds with "im 16!" so she turned 16 on her birthday. the air date of that episode was may 15, 2020. so she hasn't had her next birthday yet. this means that the show started with her as 15 and there is a period of time in which she is the same age as raph

we cannot 100% follow the air date as the day those events happened in universe, however, because that puts a lot of conflicting episodes happening at the same time. (ex: "mystery meat" & "always be brownies," "the hidden city job" & "sidekick ahoy!" as those 4 all came out on the same day, but the significant characters of those episodes were in both of the two i paired each with. arguments could be made that they both could have happened tho. for example, take the latter pairing i made. leo and donnie had a fight and leo went to hueso's to find an "im sorry i called you a selfish, egg headed weirdo" pizza, and did the heist. after repairing his relationship with donnie, they all go on a jupiter jim marathon, and the events of "sidekick ahoy!" occur. so we're gonna ignore that bc arguments can be made)

all of this to say that in season one april starts at 15 and turns 16. none of the turtles ages are mentioned in the show as far as i can remember. i have heard that they dont celebrate their birthdays (source needed). they dont really know their birthdays so i guess they just up their age on the anniversary of their mutation. (i have headcanons on their birthdays, but thats another post.) april would then turn 17 before the fam takes their trip to the hidden city and all get arrested

and now ive kinda lost the flow for where i was going with this. i will say that, based on air dates again, "the lair games" and "flushed but never forgotten" happened between "the purple game" and "man vs sewer," meaning that piebald got flushed around the episodes "minotaur maze" and "bug busters"

the air dates, especially for season 2 are gonna be kinda inaccurate since they were pushed back because of covid, but it could be interpreted that in universe everyone was quarantined for a bit while there were no episodes.

also im basing their ages off of the air dates purely bc "the lair games" episode is in 2019. it says it on the pop up with ppl's names. then the later year mention at the very beginning of the movie is 2044. so they are locked into the timeline. also? trying to make sense of april's canon age from the beginning of the show and tie it into her mention of how old she is AFTER having a birthday was confusing me without the air dates to help out.

[itsalwaysdark]

like IDK just the thought of ppl seeing my body scare me so bad. i genujnely have to be informed ahead of time that i will be Being looked at or else i panic so bad . like if im Going out somewhere ik ill be seen i can prepare if im hanging out with someone its fine but if im like. Gonna go make myself dinner and then somebodys in the living room thats a huge wrench in my plans bc i have to mentally psych myself up to be looked at for 30 minutes even tho its not like they care . UGH