#also people talking to me like I'm not part of the group of people they claim to be talking about lmao

[phoenixfeathersinfall]

I was intrigued by the idea of Dr. NerdLove and his "advice column for bros" approach, so I decided to check it out and folks....This is so good. Context: In my job, I offer one-on-one coaching to adolescents and young adults who have disabilities to help them meet their goals and transition into adult life/build skills for adulthood. Most of my students right now are young college-aged men (some of whom are in school and some of whom work.) One of the big things I do with them is helping to build and maintain social networks: MAKING FRIENDS!!!! Many of my students are lonely! For some of them, the social networks very much include wanting a partner. They ask me for advice about (usually heterosexual) romantic relationships. As a queer woman who's not much older than them (which is to say, not much relationship experience) I often struggle to know how to answer their questions. I just don't know what it looks like from their point of view. So, I thought something like this might be helpful to point them to. I'm not in the demographic the column is reaching to, but I did grow up in several friend groups where I was one of the only girls, and I had friends who got onto the early stages of that Gamergate/alpha male/incel pipeline. I'm an amateur anthropologist by degree, which means I learned a lot of stuff about how cultures and societies work, how to interview people about complex social problems, and how to make things more equitable for communities that need it. I read and see the same news as the rest of you. I work as a camp counselor for middle and high schoolers in the summers. All of which leads me to reaffirm for you: Our boys are not okay. A scary high number of them are getting exposed to online communities that are misinformed at best and predatory at worst, and they lack the experience to know how to counteract that. The election results are going to be like pouring gasoline on a fire.

Enter Dr. NerdLove. Harris O'Malley tells young men things they need to know and start to internalize, and he does it in a way that is relatable to them, compassionate, and humorous. One of my favorite articles is "What Men Really Need," In it, he talks about the social isolation many men face, how they struggle to get support and connection from their male friends in emotionally fulfilling ways, and how that's devastating for everyone. He also tells them how to be a better friend and change the dynamic.

In other articles, he explains the importance of building confidence, self-care, how to overcome feeling awkward, that looks aren't everything. (again, all in terms a boy who's been lurking around on certain Reddits would understand.) He makes a point to explain what some of the risks of dating and relationships are for women (and how history informs that.)

And yes. He's saying the quiet part out loud (linked text is a news source.)

This is going to help me be better equipped to help my students with something really important to them. I think it's also going to be a protective, positive force for a lot of boys who need it.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

[slaaverin]

I feel like we’ve collectively moved on too fast from ‘Are you Sure’?!. Maybe we’re too overwhelmed?

Just wondered what your favourite part was? What shocked you? And what you would have changed ?

Jikookers have always had a tendency to move on from absolutely everything at tremedous speed which baffles me. There are still moments from years ago that still shock me to this day. I think it's because we've always been spoiled rotten by jikook 😂

I'm actually glad to get your ask.

A favorite part is soooo hard to choose, but I think what I liked the most was seeing their general happiness in Sapporo. They were SO happy and SO excited and played in the snow like children, it was quite beautiful to see. It's the trip that meant the most to them and it showed. But I also liked the chaos of Connecticut 😂

I was shocked many times. First with this:

THIS MOMENT.

I was gobsmacked. A slap in my face. Because this statement right there is irrevocably romantic. You can't spin it any other way. There is no blurred lines. There is no alternative. There is no other reason his heart is fluttering. Jungkook right there confessed to the world he is in love with Jimin. AND PEOLPLE DISMISS IT LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED. I'm????? People really see what they want to see. There, he said it. He said Jimin simply holding his shirt is evoking romantic feelings in him. He is attracted to Jimin. And he said it in a very calm collected tone like this is another tuesday. Like this is a known, accepted, normal fact that would not surprise Jimin. He's just informing him. But this is not shocking news. IT TELLS EVERYTHING WE NEED TO KNOW.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk but moving on:

This whole segment was very shocking to me, not because they were particularly close (they are a couple so it's expected) but I was shocked to see they did this in front of a whole group of staff sitting in front of them who would be wondering what the f is happening. To show this level of closeness to a bunch of people you need to have such a high level of trust in each other and in the relationship. They are comfortable enough to show physical closeness and not be bothered one bit with anyone watching them which in itself is very disconcerting because that is not usually the case even in normal people long-term relationships, at least not to this level

The simple "This is see-through" phrase from Jungkook to a Jimin with a devilish smile ready to do mischief was very shocking to me. What was he about to do that deserved this warning? The only explanation would be that Jimin was about to get too close to him physically in the pool. But why would he do this as friends? Friends playing around would not have warranted such a warning. Because no one would have even thought about anything in particular.

But JK needed to warn him anyway. Only reason? If they are a couple and Jimin was about to get *CLOSE* like couples do in the pool. Which he was about to do looking at his devious smile. He was about to do something at least. Something that could not pass as friendship otherwise Jungkook would have said nothing. Much to think about.

He blurted it. Like it just came out so naturally. Jungkook has no chill whatsoever. This man is flirting blatantly in front of the entire world. While Tae was there. How could beautiful clouds even compare to Jimin. Jungkook only sees Jimin and he doesn't care for anyone to know about it. It's just what it is. Jimin or nothing. Everybody else can go home. Thank you Jungkook.

Of course one of the most shocking:

I already made a quick post about it but this was...this was....I have no words to this day. Can you believe we saw this? THE LEVEL OF INTIMACY. THE QUIETNESS OF THE MOMENT. THE KNOWING.

They knew. We knew. No one said a word. We were all intruding. I was frozen and holding my breath, my mouth wide open with shock and my heart was beating in my chest and I had to pause afterwards because this was jawdropping.

And I've seen many people that did not get it. But with everything we know about jikook thus far, everything they have been through, the growth, the ever expanding love, this moment was incredibly special and in a way quite emotional to witness.

This is their normalcy. Sharing a bed and intimacy and physical and emotional closeness.

AND THEY LET US SEE IT? CAN YOU BELIEVE? THIS IS ABSOLUTELY INSANE!

If you told me in 2018 we would witness this, I would not have believed you. This is beyond my wildest imagination. This is not even about the fucking butt-slap. It's the whole mood of the scene. It's the tenderness. I was on the floor.

I think this is the most shocking thing I've seen as a jikooker including MMA 2018.

This was shocking. Not the act itself. The shock was in the hesitancy of Jungkook. Of Jungkook allowing himself to share this tender moment with Jimin in a train full of people in Japan (of all places, where people don't show intimacy in public) but this moment was too important for Jungkook to pass it up and he almost didn't do it but then he thought fuck it and let himself go completely. What a beautiful and meaningful moment. How special and precious 💜😭

This was a really insane moment too. Jikook being tangled together god knows how in this car and Jungkook looking drunk on love showing off Jimin like a proud and posessive boyfriend. Just wow. I certainly didn't expect this but I can't say I'm not happy 🙊 They couldn't look more like a couple here

I'll finish with this picture that really shook me. Jimin's name on JK's chest. I don't know what else to say. If people wanted them to spell it out, well this is spelled out, literally. It's all here.

There were so many great moments and I feel we could talk about it for hours but I'm gonna wrap it up.

My last answer is probably gonna pin me as a hater but honestly I don't really care I know where I stand. What I would have changed to AYS would have been Tae not coming to Jeju. Look, I love Tae, I have no issues with Tae, and jikook were fine with it so this was fine, but I felt sometimes uncomfortable because I felt his presence was a bit misplaced, and you could feel it in jikook's behaviour too, so Jeju had a bit of an uneasy feeling to it. I think Tae didn't add anything more to the show. I would love to see more of Tae in any other setting, I love him in group settings in general, but I simply felt it was a bit of a wrong place wrong time situation. But I still enjoyed Jeju a lot it was just not my favorite.

Otherwise there would be nothing I would have changed to AYS. (Maybe Jimin not suffering this much? 😂)

Anyway thanks for your ask I had fun and take care anon 💜

[xclowniex]

Thoughts on whereserpentswalk? I know they're controversial on jumblr and you seem trustworthy

Tagging them as whilst I will answer, I don't like talking behind peoples backs. I also did reach out to get the okay to post as it does deal with someone's identity. @whereserpentswalk

I'm not sure 100% why they're considered controversial as I have never heard of them before. I'm like 90% sure this is in reference to them being a pagan jew aka ethnically jewish and religiously pagan.

Because Judaism is an ethnoreligion, the topic of being ethnically jewish but not practicing judaism and instead another religion is a complicated and nuanced one. Each jew has their own opinion on this, two jews 3 opinions type deal.

Obviously, if you worship or idolize any deity or similar category, besides Hashem, you are not longer practicing judaism. They do not claim to be practicing judaism, so I and hopefully everyone else should have no issue with that specific bit.

In regards to whether or not they can still call themselves jewish.

Overall, I don't really care? Like there are so many other intracommunity topics which matter more than this in my own opinion.

The only thing which doesn't fall into this are messianic jews, because whilst a lot are lead to believe they are ethnically jewish, most aren't. And the religion wasn't started by jews. Like jews didn't start believing in Jesus and that's how it came about. It was started by non ethnically jewish Christians who decided they were the real jews, which is where the misleading of messianics as a whole being ethnically comes from. I'm sure there are messianics who have jewish blood as nothing is impossible when it comes to types of people believing in a certain religion, but the majority of messiancs do not have jewish blood.

But whereserpantswalk is pagan not messianic so like again, doesn't fall into that.

I'm going to be speaking very general here and not directed at whereserpantswalk.

Like besides messianic jews being the exception, I don't super care.

I myself dabbled in paganism when I was a teen and exploring religion. I don't really talk about it much not because I dislike paganism or think it's bad or anything. I just had religious psychosis surronding it as I am a diagnosed schizo so don't really like to talk about that point of my life online mainly for my safety as some people may use it to try to trigger an episode.

Drawing from my own experiences from that time which I am willing to share, my jewish culture was still important. I grew up orthodox and that doesn't all just go away. Same thing if you grow up reform.

I still participated in secular versions of the Jewish holidays. I still held Jewish values. I still did things certain ways because I was raised jewish, and that doesn't really just go away.

To give like a definitive answer, if someone born Jewish and converts out of Judaism, gets rid of all ties to Jewish culture, including secular Jewish culture. Because Judaism is an ethno religion, I personally don't see any point in continuing to refer to yourself as Jewish. It is a tribe. If you turn your back on the tribe completely and cut all ties, then you are no longer part of the tribe. If you still keep some connection then to me personally I do see a point in calling yourself ethnically jewish as you are still connected to the tribe.

Overall, I don't really care. Like I know I've said this a bazillion times already. The majority of jews are either religious or secular. I see no point in kicking up a fuss about a tiny group of jews.

I believe in inclusive judaism, where people with varying attachment to the tribe are welcome as long as they have some or want a connection to the tribe and convert properly.

This isn't like some hard, set in stone opinion I have. There are more important topics at hand right now like genuine jew fakers than someone with jewish blood who practices paganism.

[uncanny-tranny]

This might be a very specific experience, but I think a huge reason I didn't even realize or even want to be bisexual was specifically because of this intersection of my manhood and the way it's viewed

There's this toxic merry-go-round I find myself riding where I am so desperate to not be one of those guys to a woman that it winds up being an inability to connect to women* because of this hyperpolicing I end up doing. For the longest time, I repressed myself because of this impulse, and I find it interesting. It's interesting seeing how this aspect of patriarchy impact me in such a way that I was too afraid of myself and the people around me.

As a trans man, I felt the pressure to prove both that I'm not one of those men, but also, that I wasn't this predatory trans man, that anything I did was in service to proving why I should (or should not) continue to exist. Simultaneously, I am both not a man, but also a predatory man because of my transness, a threat to be contained. I felt this before as somebody who is multisexual, but it somehow affects me more in the aspect of how I interact with women* and womanhood* from the outside.

There isn't an overarching theme to this post, a message about what you can do. It's mostly reflecting on my experiences and thinking about where my impulse to think myself as guilty until proven innocent plays into how I've started viewing myself. I don't want to overgeneralize, but I've seen this expressed by many a trans man*.

[badxsshottiexllie]

@spoocys-glade-of-dreams

Meredith would giggle as she accepted the hug from the toad. "It certainly is a surprise! If we had known that you had been in contact with our daughter, we would have arranged things differently."

The mother continued to listen to what Globox had to say about Rayman. He sounded like an amazing person, just misguided and manipulated by Eden. "I'm not sure if my husband told this story or not, since I just got here, but Cliff came across Ellie and Rayman one day while out patrolling in Eden for one of his resistance missions. I believe it was around her apartment area? He had taken a picture of them coming out of the apartment complex."

"Ellie...you looked so happy that day and we knew that you were safe. But...we weren't fully aware of what situation you were in and we didn't want to get you in trouble with your boyfriend. Since, you know, he was The Voice of Eden at the time." Her husband chimed in.

"I never once stalked you two, be it as The Voice of Eden or Ramon. I just happen to be in the same area as you at times and that's when I tried to get any photos or videos so I could update your mother that you were alive and well."

"Ramon? Oh you mean the trenchcoat guy? Who would have thought that Rayman and Ramon would be the same person!" The older woman replied.

"I was in my own resistance group and not only hid it from him while we were dating, but also my real name as well. I went by Rosemary Scott, or Rose for short after the person who saved my life while on one of our missions. As you know dad, there are rumors amongst the resistance groups about Rayman. I was afraid something horrible was going to happen once I revealed my true identity."

"Despite that fear, I wanted to get to know him and overtime I grew to love him. Yes, there was drama that happened once I told Rayman the truth, but nothing horrible happened like I thought. I was afraid I was either going to jail or get the death penalty."

"Oh honey, come here." Meredith hugged her daughter and urged Cliff to come in so they could have a family hug. "I'm sure you've been through a lot dear, but know this. We will definitely be more of an active part of your life now that we've finally reunited. Your father is a resistance member and I'm a doctor. You will be taken care of very well on top of your wonderful found family of friends."

"Well now that that's out of the way, what's this about my daughter being in some sort of danger? Do I have to put someone six feet under or what?"

"Uh...no? Murfy gave the guy a stern talking to, so now he should leave me alone. I'm not worried though because I know everything will be okay. I'm not invincible by any means dad, but I know there are people out there that will risk their lives for me and have my back."

"Rayman was really cool and dreamy that day. He's come such a long way since we first dated back when he was the voice and I couldn't be more proud of him with how far he's come."

"Dreamy huh?" The blonde man chuckled. "Your my daughter, so I'd do anything for you. Yes that even means eliminating bad people from your life. I...I've...had my share of kills here and there. But I only do so to protect innocent people and save them."

"Eden sucks, and I don't trust your mother to come by herself. So when she does ever come, she's with me. Yes, even if it's running a mundane errand like getting necessities from the store. I never, ever, let her out of my sight."

Ramon would take a moment to readjust his hair back into the tuft style and would stare off towards the floor for a moment when Cliff asked about his reason for the murder.

"I just... snapped. Had it not been for Bullfrog or Ellie I might've never accepted just how bad Eden really was. Mona was right. I really was so stubborn. So oblivious to what was really going on. I'm still trying to come to terms with everything. I know it's been months by now but I'm still trying to wrap my head around everything.

There's still things I'm learning about. I'm only now learning just how bad The Emperor really was. I thought The Emperor was my friend. He was my mentor, my inspiration. All of that was a lie and I'm still recovering from that harsh truth. Being in the company of so many people that cared so much for me really did help soften the blow.

I know what a resistance member is, sir. As a matter of fact I became one as well after I was fired. I'm a member of Murfy's group. I don't do any hacking, I'm more of the bodyguard. I help keep Mona and Ellie safe while they're on the job. I don't have a fancy code name and neither does Bullfrog, but I know Murfy goes by J.M. Murphy and Mona uses her stage name of "Mona Lisa" sometimes.

Wait... You knew Globox?"

His question would be cut off by the arrival of Meredith. He would smile and would run over to help clean up the groceries that she dropped. He set them in a neat pile as the parents would focus on their daughter. Rayman would give a sweet chuckle when he was asked if he agreed.

"I do see the resemblance! It's nice to meet you ma'am. I'm--"

He would be cut off once more as Globox would start to walk into the house with some of the luggage. He would go over to greet Meredith with the same hug that lifted her off her feet before setting her down once more.

"SURPRISE! I had no idea you and Cliff were coming down this way! I was telling your husband that had I known we were headed to the same place, I would have spilled the beans on this little visit much sooner.

I know Cliff had a chance to talk to him, but allow me to introduce him. This is Rayman. He's... Well he's that long lost brother of mine I keep telling you about. Swell guy, cares greatly about others, and wait until you see him when he's trying to impress the kids. The stuff those stupid cameras don't show. I know Eden projected him in a bad light, but deep down he was just a misguided and manipulated soul. I saw a lot of things when I was in video calls with Murfy. He really does care so much about Ellie, and that's the truth.

They saved each other's lives countless times, both literally and figuratively. Did you know he shot up an entire warehouse full of slave traders to rescue her from a traitor in her own group!?"

"Ix-nay on the aitor-tray, Globox."

[thebirdandhersong]

I think the problem. the problem is that I have always been afraid of not being invited into the inner circle. and am always wanting to be part of the inner circle. inner circle being the circle of love and companionship and communion. of course being a TCK and a bit of a sheltered homeschooled oddball child has nudged this further along over the years. but I didn't realise how STRONG that desire still burned. to actually be wanted.

[royalberryriku]

TERFs 🤝 Zionists

Using the exact same talking points and rhetoric.

[fisheito]

slithering out from under a rock or something to inform you that you DO have followers who are yaku lovers <3 he's been my fave since day one and i would love to accompany him to the farmers market

ah.. i sit corrected... valuable confirmation of intel. *enters it manually into the nucadex* where to find yakufans: farmer's market (they will be farming and/or marketing)

[doctorweebmd]

so there's this post floating around about like, feeling like an outsider even in a group of outsiders and i almost reblogged it being like

'aha i do that'

except. like. i know exactly why that happens, and its 100% my fault

i just have trouble maintaining relationships because i'm a poor communicator. that's been the case since high school. i dont really initiate conversations or remember to text or call people. its not from a place of indifference or anything like that - i'm sincerely an 'out of sight out of mind' kind of person.

i can not talk to and not see someone for months or years but my feelings for them don't change. it doesn't bother me if people dont check in on me or don't hang out with me or don't text me. i still like them. unfortunately that is not how 99% of the population communicates. people (rightfully) assume that when someone doesn't initiate conversation or hang-outs or doesn't check in on you, that they don't care about you. for me, thats not the case at all. like if i like you and consider you my friend, you are ALWAYS my friend. i would do anything for you and would be more than happy to talk/see each other/support you/etc. its just the day-to-day communication that i really struggle with. but thats how most relationships form - regular, consistent communication.

i've gone through periods of extreme guilt for this where i sincerely try, and make new friends, and re-connect with texting and phone calls and hanging out more often but inevitably something happens, i get busy or i forget and suddenly all this time passes and people think i dont care anymore. unfortunately that's not the case whatsoever - time is kind of abstract to me and i dont understand that while my feelings don't change, others feel more distant or abandoned.

and i've really hurt people in my life like that. friends that i've known for many years from high school/college are a LITTLE more forgiving because they know i'm just 'like that' but still. it does hurt people. like i haven't spoken to my dad in probably at least a year - not because i dont love him, but because of that same reason. he doesn't reach out and i forget and it just steamrolls because he gets hurt, doesn't reach out because he thinks i'm intentionally 'ignoring' him, and i continue to forget, and its just this viscous cycle. i haven't talked to my grandparents in months. my mom knows better and texts me every week or so, but it still hurts her that she has to reach out so regularly. she also plays these games where she sees how 'long' it takes for me to remember to reach out. a lot of people in my life have done that. its like i'm being tested on something without ever being told its a standard test, ya know? i'm always destined to fail it because i dont know how long is too long. at which point will the time and distance be unacceptable? i still dont know the answer.

and i think it makes me come off as a really heartless and callous person. its made me kind of keep people at arms-length because i know i'm not capable of being a part of most people's lives. i have perfectly normal and pleasant relationships with my coworkers and all that, but i'm generally not close with them. and i can see the confusion, because we hang out and i'm pretty normal or whatever and we have fun and then they don't hear from me for months and they're like 'uhhhh.... okay? so i guess you don't like me?'

i do. i just have different relationship maintenance standards than others i guess. so i just overall avoid being around others just because i know i'll disappoint them. it is what it is but it really is sad, in a way.

[isfjmel-phleg]

[

[jarognieva]

Never try to be """"supportive"""" as my mother does

[crownedpuppet]

Tumblr discourse is great because you can make a post and someone will read like one sentence they disagree with from it and turn the entire argument into something you weren't even talking about in the beginning LOL

[halalgirlmeg]

I'm very weary of narratives and dynamics that paint people of color as like bullies, or intolerant/bigoted, or anything of the sort against white characters cause it's not that we're infallible either within specific communities or as a collective but like...idk like I feel like we're usually in these roles more often than not (its ESP Black women and girls, and Dark skin women and girls even moreso) like, esp when shows tout themselves as progressive cause knowing how Fandoms roll esp in regards to bleeding into actors off screen I just know there are people like going the hell in, because even when they're not bad people at all or just like a fleshed out human beings let them do one thing wrong, or do something fans don't like, people never shut the fuck up about it (look at Meredith and Amelia from Grey's vs Maggie and Bailey, esp in like the second half of the Grey's run) meanwhile white characters can never do anything wrong ever even when they're very much in the wrong which hmmm does that not also sound like real life?

[stormyweaver]

I have a Mighty Need for your First Time for Everything continuation.

You and me both, Poni! (there would be a crying laughing emoji here if I was on mobile)

I made like barely any headway yesterday on part 3, but I'm still trying to juggle not sleeping well with work + school, so unfortunately fun things like writing and hopefully soon drawing are taking a backseat for the time being.

Kind of.

I'm still making time for it, but I also can't afford to like... dedicate as much time as I'd want to solely to writing fun stuff. The inspiration is there beneath all the extra shit, it's just hard to say 'Alright here's my hour or two of writing time!' when I'm exhausted and frankly too brain-dead to think and write cohesively.

Plus, I've been chronically online for a long, long time and I'm kinda trying to shift that this year because being online for too long (especially in a community like this) isn't healthy for me personally. I just tend to get sucked in and spend hours doing absolutely nothing productive or even relaxing or fun. It's purely doomscrolling.

Anyway, TL;DR: Part 3 is in the works but I have no definite date, nor will I have one until I can settle a lot of stuff outside of this space. It's super nice to know that someone's looking forward to it though! :3

[thats-how-i-like-it]

/ vent

[cemeterym]

i'm begging my uni to stop making every fucking student social activity something where you have to walk around a bunch if you are a slow walker who cannot help it they literally want you dead