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1800-fight-me · 4 months ago

Text

Future

Logan Howlett x Female!Reader Rating: E (Explicit-MINORS DO NOT INTERACT) Warnings: Angst with a happy ending, explicit PiV sex as well as oral sex (M&F receiving), breeding kink, and daddy kink (oof) Word count: A little over 8.3k Synopsis: Logan goes back to the past in an attempt to save the world, but more importantly- you. (Set in X-Men Days of Future Past and switches between Logan and Reader's POV) Author’s note: Something about Logan makes me absolutely insane to the point that I wrote the longest most explicit sex scene I've ever written.... please enjoy P.S. I do not have a taglist! Instead if you would like to be notified when I post new fics follow my side blog @jo-writes-fanfic and turn your post notifications on! Comments and reblogs make my day! Main Masterlist

LOGAN’S POV

The future was dark and bleak. A war of uncontrollable violence, more than Logan had ever seen in his long life.

The only bright spot in such a horrific future was you. You were the peace and rest his aching soul had long been searching for.

It started as two people seeking solace and relief in one another, but the foundation of friendship created something so much more significant than either of you could have predicted.

You became the planet around which he orbited. The home he never thought he’d find. The balm to his raging fire.

Despite the hell that was life in the future, he had you. It was fitting that it caused the world falling to shit for him to finally find you.

His self deprecating thoughts also told him that it was fitting that he lost you too. He didn’t deserve a love so pure and bright. He didn’t deserve such happiness when everyone else he cared about was either suffering or dead.

All the blood on his hands left him marked, scarred, filthy down to his soul. But you looked past all of that, claimed you loved him anyway, claimed him.

He was yours completely, worshiped at the altar of your affection, would go any lengths for you- do anything you ask.

He would do anything to protect you, and it was the biggest black mark on his soul, after an extended lifetime full of mistakes, that he wasn’t able to protect you when it mattered the most.

He shredded the sentinels, the unkillable soldiers in his rage, but one had slipped past his defenses, used your own healing powers against you and sucked the life right from you. Snuffed out your bright light all too soon.

He killed, and killed, and killed- and it still didn’t bring you back.

No one and nothing but him made it out of that abandoned warehouse that night. It was the tipping point for him, it made him bloodthirsty and reckless. It made him willing to go along with Charles and Eric’s ridiculous plan.

As he laid down on the stone slab and allowed the young mutant to send him to the past, his thoughts were only on you.

Everyone knew what his hopes were, but it went unspoken for fear it wouldn’t come true. Logan went back to the past with the desperate desire that he would wake up in a future in which you were still alive. A future he hadn’t already destroyed with the worst mistake he’d ever made. A better future. One you deserved, he would give you anything and everything you asked if he could bring you back.

He woke in 1973 in the arms of a woman who wasn’t you, a woman he didn’t really remember. He hadn’t met you yet in 1973, unfortunately it would be a long while before he met you. And besides, he didn’t have time to search for you, he only had enough time for his mission.

He could only hold onto the hope that he would see you again in the future, if he could change things for the better- if he could finally do something right.

You were his motivation through dealing with younger versions of Charles and Eric, through all the missteps and mistakes, he tried his best to not lose hope.

One last chance, after the mess that was Paris, this intervention was the only possibility of setting things right.

They had to prevent Raven from killing Trask at this ridiculous anti-mutant presentation. Logan was inclined to agree with Raven at this point, but he knew the outcome of that decision and it was one he couldn’t live with.

He and Hank made their way through the large crowds as Hank pushed Charles’ wheelchair, all focused only on their task at hand. Logan scanned the crowd, looking for Mystique despite the fact that Charles would be the only one able to find her.

A voice met his ears, one that made his spine go rod straight. A voice he had unconsciously trained himself to seek out over years.

“I really don’t want to be here,” the voice grumbled.

Logan whipped his head to the left so quickly that if it was possible he probably would have given himself whiplash.

It was you.

His heart pounded harder than it had in the entirety of his two hundred something years.

He stopped dead in his tracks and it was a force of will to not stare at you with his mouth hanging open.

You looked different, but the same. You were younger obviously, your hairstyle and clothes were completely different, but that was you.

His hand ached with the need to hold you, just one more time.

“Please, I get extra credit for attending this thing and I can’t fail my government class,” the woman who he assumed was your friend whined as she clutched at your wrist.

He did a mental tally in his head. Of course, he should’ve remembered that in the early seventies you were in a college not too far from Washington DC. It really wasn’t a huge coincidence that you would be here, but still it felt monumental.

You looked over at her and huffed in resignation.

God, you were cute, he thought.

“Besides, maybe you can meet a handsome guy here. That would lift your spirits, wouldn’t it?” your friend said as she wiggled her eyebrows at you.

You rolled your eyes and said, “This isn’t a bar, Jenna. This is anti-mutant government propaganda bullshit.”

As did so often, he agreed with you.

She pouted at you. “Well what if I promise to take you to a bar right after this ends?”

You looked over at her in exasperated fondness and let her pull you forward, closer to where Logan and Hank stood in the crowd.

Hank was saying something to him, something he didn’t hear - his attention entirely on you, and he snapped his head back to Hank as he shook his shoulder.

“What?” Logan snapped.

“Who are you looking at? Do you see Raven?” Hank asked.

Logan took a deep breath and said, “No. I’m looking at my wife.”

“Oh no,” Hank muttered.

“Logan you can’t-“

”It’s not safe for her here,” Logan growled.

————————————————-

YOUR POV

“Look, that guy is looking at you,” Jenna whispered in your ear.

You followed her line of sight and saw the most handsome man you’d ever seen.

He was exactly your type and in tight jeans to boot. He was huge- tall and extremely muscular. His dark hair was the kind of neat disheveled that begged you to run your fingers through it. His eyes were hidden by sunglasses but you could feel his intense gaze through them.

“Holy shit he’s good looking,” you murmured and your friend giggled.

He looked over at who you assumed was his friend and you continued to take him in. You weren’t sure you’d ever checked out a stranger in such a blatant manner before. There was something about him so inviting, despite his tense posture and intense demeanor, that your mouth was practically watering.

“The guy next to him is cute too. Maybe we should go talk to them,” Jenna said.

You tore your eyes from the object of your lust, and looked at the man next to him. He was cute in a nerdy way- exactly Jenna’s type. There was a third man with them, he was in a wheelchair and had his fingers to his temple as he scanned the crowd clearly in search of something or someone important.

“I think they’re coming to us,” you said as the nerdy guy walked towards you.

But unfortunately, the one you wanted to come closer didn’t, he stayed with his companion in the wheelchair and bent down to whisper something in his ear.

“Hey ladies,” the man in glasses said as he approached you and Jenna.

She immediately began to smile and twirl her hair around her finger as she spoke with him eagerly.

He introduced himself as Hank and you shook his hand and introduced yourself as well, but your eyes continued to drift behind him to the other man, the one who you felt an inexplicable tug toward.

“What about your friend?” you asked, your words an interruption to whatever Hank had been saying to Jenna.

Hank looked stressed, but you looked back at the large man only a stone's throw away.

He looked up and made eye contact with you, he must have taken his sunglasses off while you weren’t paying attention. Never before had you felt so stripped bare by just meeting a man’s eyes, there was a whirlwind of emotions within them- something akin to familiarity, possibly even love, and hunger.

It took several moments of drowning in his gaze before you regained your wits about you. You smirked at him.

He crossed his arms over his chest, which made him appear even larger as his muscles flexed. He raised a brow at you, but his lips were upturned in a small smile as if he was smiling despite himself.

You crooked a finger at him, an invitation to come closer.

He smiled and shook his head slightly, almost as if he were reprimanding himself but also couldn’t help himself. He turned his head and said something to his friend in the wheelchair before he strutted over to you.

Every long stride he took towards you led to a tightening in your chest. It wasn’t fear, no, it was yearning. There was something inside you that wanted- no, needed, to know him.

Your instincts were all wrong, he looked like a predator closing in on his prey, something about him sharp and animalistic as he approached you, and yet you felt at ease, intrigued, safe.

“Hi,” you breathed out as he reached you. He smirked and stood a bit closer than would be normal for a stranger, but you didn’t mind at all as you looked up at his towering figure.

He introduced himself in a low gravelly voice that sent a shiver down your spine and hearing his name was like an answer to a question you didn’t even know you’d been asking.

Logan.

You told him your name and he had this secret smile as if he already knew what you were going to say.

He repeated your name, and something in you changed forever at the sound of it on his lips.

“How come you didn’t wanna come say hi?” You asked teasingly.

He looked at you and you felt more at home than ever before, which you knew sounded insane, but you couldn’t deny the way he made you feel.

“Oh I wanted to,” he said and warmth filled you as you smiled at him.

“Logan,” Hank hissed as he elbowed him.

You’d honestly forgotten that you and Logan weren’t the only two people in the world at that moment. You’d forgotten about Jenna, and Hank, and the teeming crowd of people around you.

“I know,” Logan replied to Hank in a grumpy tone that made you huff a small laugh.

“Listen, I know this is going to sound crazy, but you need to leave. This isn’t safe,” Logan said fervently as he placed a large hand gently on your upper arm.

You scrunched your brows at him in confusion.

“Is this some kind of ploy to get me to leave with you?” You joked.

He chuckled, the sound from deep in his chest, and you grinned.

“If only,” he said. “No, pretty girl, I have to stay here.”

“I’m sorry, I’m confused,” you said.

His thumb rubbed up and down your arm in a way that was both comforting and familiar.

He glanced over at your friend, and as he saw that she was deep in conversation with Hank, he leaned closer to you in order to whisper in your ear.

“This isn’t a safe place for mutants,” he murmured, urgency in his voice.

You pulled back enough to look into his eyes, shock evident in your expression.

“How do you know-“ you gasped quietly.

He shook his head, “I’m one too, I can explain everything later, but please- for your own safety sweetheart, please leave.”

You met his gaze and something about the urgency and care you found in his eyes made you believe him.

“I suppose I’ll take your word for it. There’s a bar across town called McClarin’s, will you meet me there tonight? You can buy me a drink and explain all this weirdness.” You said.

There was a flash of something akin to sadness in his eyes, but he gave you a tight smile and said, “Of course, I’ll be there. I’d do anything you ask.”

You believed him.

So you turned your head to your friend and said, “Jenna, we’re leaving.”

You ignored her protests and stood on your tiptoes and pressed a kiss to Logan’s cheek.

His hazel eyes fluttered closed, as if he were savoring the feeling of your lips against his skin.

“Until tonight,” you said as you slipped your hand in Jenna’s. He nodded in agreement and you turned and walked away from him.

“Why are we leaving?” Jenna complained.

“They’re going to meet us at the bar later, we can watch the broadcast on the TV,” you said.

She huffed but agreed as you led her out of the crowd and towards safety.

A little while later you sat at the bar with Jenna- you ate pretzels and nursed a beer, and watched the news.

Logan had been right, it was a dangerous situation for mutants.

Tears filled your eyes and your heart dropped into your stomach as you watched as Logan was massacred by Magneto. His body was violently filled with pieces of metal and then thrown so far the cameras didn’t catch where he landed.

He had to be dead, no one survived something like that. He saved your life and then didn’t survive the fight he protected you from.

None of the news outlets had any information on your mysterious savior.

You spent the evening calling both hospitals and morgues and no one had any knowledge of Logan or even a John Doe that matched his description.

Weeks went by with no news. There was a hole in your heart, which seemed ridiculous considering you’d only met him once, but there was something about a promise unfulfilled.

There was a feeling as if your future had been altered completely, as if Logan was supposed to be a part of it but now he never would be.

————————————————-

Your mutant ability to heal others and yourself led you to work in a hospital as a nurse after you completed all of your schooling.

Years passed and you met Storm when she literally landed in your hospital, as in she was thrown by an enemy and crashed through the ceiling.

You stared at her in shock, then jumped towards her and used your powers to heal the gash in her stomach where blood had already begun pooling. She thanked you before flying off into battle once more.

Once the fight was won, Storm came back and asked you to come with her to Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters.

You were intrigued and soon found yourself as a professor of health sciences, part time school nurse, and an X-Man on the side. You weren’t much of a fighter, during missions you really mostly hung back and healed the injured X-Men as well as any civilians fought in the crossfire.

It was a fulfilling life, one you enjoyed immensely, but something always felt like it was missing. You dated a bit but being so busy prevented anything deep.

There was no spark, no instant connection with anyone like there had been with Logan. You supposed it really was a once in a lifetime experience.

It didn’t help that you weren’t interested in anyone romantically that you worked with. Storm, who had quickly become a great friend, encouraged you to give Hank a chance when he pursued you. You tried, he was nice, but it just wasn’t love, and after a few months you ended it. Luckily you were able to remain as friends.

Time passed and Professor X pointed out to you that you didn’t appear to age. At first you brushed him off as ridiculous, but eventually consented to let Jean run tests on you.

As it turned out, your ability to heal yourself extended to things such as diseases and life’s natural course of aging.

Eternity yawned its horrid mouth open before you and the loneliness of it threatened to swallow you whole.

You took a leave of absence to avoid others seeing you in the midst of an existential crisis. You traveled for a couple of months, took time to see the world in a way you never had before, met beautiful strangers, and came to terms with the fact that it was likely you would never die, that any connections you did make would die long before you were ever ready.

You decided to make the most of life, embrace the joy and the hurt, and returned home.

As soon as you walked through the door of the mansion, everything felt different, but perhaps it was you that was changed so irrevocably.

You made your way towards Professor X’s office and literally ran into a man as he walked out.

“Ugh,” you groaned as your face squished into a broad chest. The body you slammed into was so sturdy the man didn’t even stumble, he merely placed large hands on your shoulders to steady you.

“Woah there, speedy. You alright?” A deep voice said. Something about that voice tickled something in the back of your brain, a memory from years ago.

“Sorry!,” you exclaimed as you stepped back and looked up to see his face.

“Logan,” you breathed out in surprise as you finally saw him. He looked nearly the same as all those years ago. His hair and clothes were slightly different, but it was definitely him. He was as handsome as the day you lost him.

He raised a brow in confusion as he looked at you.

“Have we met?” He asked.

Your heart dropped into your stomach. The man of your dreams, the man you thought had died and yet you had continued to pine over for years, was standing before you and didn’t remember you. He didn’t remember meeting you, an experience that had been so cataclysmic in your life but apparently unimpressionable in his.

“Yes, many years ago,” you breathed out.

He looked you up and down and said, “Well, I really wish I remembered that.”

You huffed a laugh to cover up the ache in your heart as you looked down at your feet. You told him your name as his hands finally slipped from your shoulders, you mourned the loss of his touch.

As he repeated your name in that gravelly tone your heart thumped harder in your chest, despite yourself.

“I don’t remember anything before a few years ago,” he said.

“Oh?” You asked. Maybe it wasn’t that you were forgettable, it was just that he didn’t remember anything.

“What happened?” You breathed out.

Confusion and echoes of pain clouded his gorgeous hazel eyes. “I don’t remember, but I know it was painful,” he said.

You placed a hand on his arm in comfort and said, “Maybe the professor can help you figure it out.”

He nodded, “Not sure if I’ll be sticking around long enough. Being on a team isn’t really my thing.”

“Sure it’s not,” you teased with a wink, thinking back to the team he was clearly a part of back when you met him.

He grumbled something you didn’t quite catch at the same time Charles came out of his office to greet you.

You bid Logan goodbye as you followed Charles into his office to catch up after your extended absence.

Your heart still pounded from meeting Logan and you wore a grin you couldn’t prevent for several minutes.

And to your delight, you found out later in the day that Logan decided to stay. You weren’t sure what the deciding factor was, but you were happy all the same.

Maybe things would fall into place, perhaps your future could end up brighter than previously anticipated.

————————————————-

LOGAN’S POV

Logan awoke, the same song playing on the radio, your song. He lurched out of the bed and stumbled out of the room. As he opened the door wonder filled him as he realized he was in the mansion.

Children bustled past him as they went to their classes. Friends and family that were long since passed in his future smiled and waved at him as he walked through his home eyes full of wonder.

It had worked, all the effort and pain had been worth it, everything was as it should be. The only question that remained was you. Where were you?

He made his way to Charles’ office and sighed in relief when he saw him safe and alive.

His old friend welcomed him back to the future, a better future.

“Where is she?” He breathed out as Charles read his mind, getting a glimpse of his past.

“She’s here, she’s safe, but Logan you should know-“

At that moment you walked into Charles’ office and if Logan wasn’t already sitting he would’ve fallen to his knees. He’d never seen such a beautiful sight.

He breathed out your name like a prayer and you looked over at him. He didn’t even register the look on your face, he’d already made his way across the room and wrapped you in his arms.

“Logan,” you squeaked out. “What the hell?”

He lifted you up and buried his face in your neck.

“Can’t breathe,” you huffed as you pushed on his shoulders in an attempt to get him to release you from the vice hold he had you in.

He put you down and looked down at you, placed a hand on the side of your gorgeous face- it wasn’t until now that he took in your expression.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

You pulled back from him again, even went so far as to push his hand from you and took a step back.

“What’s gotten into you? Why the hell do you think you can just-” You asked in confusion, irritation coloring your tone.

He cut you off as he blurted out, “What? I don’t understand-“

“Logan, in this timeline you and her broke up,” Charles said.

“Broke up?” Logan asked with raised eyebrows, the words lacked any meaning to him. There was no future in which he and you were not together. It was inconceivable.

“That’s ridiculous,” Logan said. At the same time you asked, “this timeline?”

You both looked at one another in confusion.

“Sit, both of you, let me explain,” Charles said.

Logan sat and watched your expression change from suspiciousness to utter shock as Charles explained that Logan was from a different future, a different timeline, and had replaced the Logan you knew.

He didn’t remember anything after 1973, other than the horrible future he had come from. But he did remember the first time you met that day in Washington DC. Although for him that was far from the first time you’d met.

“That’s a lot of information. I think you broke my brain- that’s so confusing,” you breathed out.

Logan’s heart threatened to beat out of his chest as he tried to gauge your reaction.

You turned to him. “So in this future I’m guessing you and I are together?”

Logan nodded.

“Well not in this one,” you muttered and stood to leave.

“Wait, princess - talk to me,” Logan pleaded as he grabbed your hand.

You turned back and glared at him. “Logan, I don’t care which version of you it was, you broke my heart and I have no interest in sitting here listening to any more of this.”

You yanked your hand from his and stormed out of the office. You left him feeling helpless and empty.

He looked over at the Professor. “What happened?” He asked.

“It’s still fresh. The others have found her crying multiple times over the last few days. I tried not to pry but-“

“You went into her head,” Logan guessed and Charles nodded.

He prepared himself for the worst and the flicker of hope in his chest began to gutter. He would be devastated if after all of this he couldn’t be with you.

“The two of you have been together for about five years, were close friends for years before that, but she ended it about a week ago during an argument. She wanted to have a child and you didn’t,” Charles explained.

“That’s it? She wants a baby? I’ll give her a baby. I’ll give her whatever she wants, the version of me from this timeline must be a goddamn idiot,” Logan said sharply.

Charles chuckled. “I spoke to the other you yesterday, he had come to the same conclusion. It wasn’t that he didn’t want a child, he was just letting his fears get in the way.”

“I have to go talk to her,” Logan practically growled as he stood and stalked out of the office in search of you.

It wasn’t difficult to find you. He had memorized the sound of your heartbeat, your scent, and was all too familiar with the salty tang of your tears.

He found you in a bedroom he assumed was yours, he knocked and let himself in despite your garbled yell of, “Go away!”

It was clear this was the makeshift room you’d moved into after the break up, your decorations were all in boxes, your clothes piled everywhere and spilled out of drawers, and everything all together more messy and haphazard than he knew you liked to keep things.

You sat curled in the bed as tears streamed down your sweet face.

“Go away Lo,“ you sniffled as you quickly wiped your tears away.

“Oh, my sweet girl-“ Logan said in a gentle voice only you knew.

“No, Logan I’m not yours anymore,” the words were weak and he could tell you didn’t even really mean them.

He came closer to the bed and you glared at him but didn’t say a word as he sat down and pulled you into his lap.

You sunk into his embrace and buried your face in his neck. He ran his hand up and down your back soothingly.

Your fingers tangled into his shirt, your breaths were shaky, and a few more tears managed to escape. His heart ached at the pain you were in.

“I changed the timeline of our universe to be with you. I’m not gonna let anything stand in our way. So, you want a baby, I’ll give you a baby. I’ll give you as many babies as you want. I’ll give you anything you want, I’d do anything for you. I love you,” he said and pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

“But-“

“And before you ask, Charles told me that the Logan in this future had come to the same conclusion and was planning on making things right with you today. In every timeline, I want to make you happy.”

He wiped the tears from your face and pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“Did we ever talk about kids in your future?” You asked in a soft vulnerable voice.

He held you tighter.

“Only once, but it wasn’t a possibility for us, that future was too dangerous. So dangerous that I lost you. I wouldn’t survive losing you again.”

At the pain in his voice you pulled back enough to meet his gaze.

“Tell me about that future,” you asked gently.

And so he did, every awful part of it as he held you in his arms and reminded himself that this was real, that you were safe and alive, that this was his new future.

You wiped the tear that slipped down his face as you looked up at him in awe.

“You did all that for me? For us?” You asked in wonder.

“I’d do anything for you,” he said fervently. You placed your hand on the side of his face and his eyes fluttered closed as he finally, finally received affection from you after so long.

He nuzzled his face into your hand, pressed his lips against the pulse point at your wrist, finally let himself sink into your intoxicating presence.

You slipped your hand into his hair and pressed a featherlight kiss to his lips. The weight of time without you pressed in on him and his self control snapped, with one hand on the back of your head and the other on your waist, he crushed you against his body and kissed you with desperation.

He wanted to consume you, to sink inside you, to never be apart from you again.

You made a high pitched sweet sound of surprise before you kissed him just as fervently. He groaned into your mouth at the taste of you as his tongue slipped into your mouth.

It was absolute heaven.

This kiss could have gone on for hours or perhaps only seconds, he didn't know, no time was enough with you.

You pulled back and looked at him. “I love you,” you said.

“I love you,” he groaned and pressed his lips to yours repeatedly.

You breathed out a soft giggle at his expression of adoration.

He tilted his head back to look you deep in the eyes once more and said, “Let’s make a baby.”

You looked flustered and he thought it was the sweetest thing he’d ever seen.

“Right now? I-“

“I’ve missed you so much, sweetheart. I want to. Wanna give you want you want,” he moaned as he kissed you again.

“Missed you too,” you whimpered as his lips drifted across your jaw and down your throat.

————————————————-

YOUR POV

It was all consuming. He was everywhere all at once as he laid you on your back and pressed himself on top of you.

The weight and heat of him was both comforting and intoxicating. The last few hours had given you emotional whiplash, but it was Logan.

Apparently he was your soulmate no matter the timeline. He kissed you as if he were drowning and you were his breath of fresh air. He said everything you’d been dreaming of, and more as he declared his love and promised to fulfill your every desire.

There was nothing the two of you couldn’t overcome as a team. You loved him and he loved you, and maybe that was all that mattered.

As he bit down on your neck, all other thoughts flew from your head, it was just him. You and him- forever. There would be no long lonely life, he would be by your side always.

“Logan,” you gasped and he groaned against your neck as he continued to nip and suck at the skin there. He loved to mark you as his and the thought made your toes curl.

As if he could read your mind, he said, “Tell me you’re mine.”

His tongue licked up the column of your throat and you panted, “I’m yours, Lo. Only yours.”

“Marry me,” he murmured against your skin.

‘What?” You breathed out as you placed your hands on either side of your face and pulled him back enough to meet his hazel gaze. His pupils were blown with a combination of love and lust which caused heat to fill your entire body.

“Marry me,” he repeated, then pressed his lips to yours again.

“Yes,” you gasped into his mouth. His fingers gripped your waist tighter as they slipped under your shirt and met your heated skin.

“Let me make you mine forever,” he growled and you whimpered and nodded as you tugged at his t-shirt.

He helped you pull it off him and you let out a soft groan as your hand explored his broad chest, then down his muscled torso as you followed the trail of hair that led to the vee partially hidden beneath his jeans. Your mouth watered as your hand reached his belt, and you saw the evidence of his desire for you straining against his pants.

He snatched your hand right as you were about to reach his hardened length and you whined in frustration.

“Please, Lo,” you breathed out and he smirked in that cocky way that made you want to either smack him or suck him off.

“No, I’m gonna take my time with you, pretty girl,” he said as he pulled your shirt off, then immediately followed with removing your bra. You whimpered again at the feeling of his skin against yours as he leaned back down and kissed you.

His lips trailed to your breasts and you moaned as he licked and suckled at your sensitive nipples. Your core heated and throbbed as you became slick with desire for him.

You gripped the muscles of his tensed shoulders as you wrapped your legs around his trim waist.

You attempted to grind yourself against his hard cock but he bit down on your neck in reprimand.

“Stop that,” he growled.

You moaned in response and he chuckled darkly. Suddenly he sat up- and you squeaked in surprise at the sudden shift as he stood from the bed. Before you could respond, he yanked you to the edge of the bed and kneeled before you.

“C’mon, be a good girl and I’ll reward you with my cock, I’ll fill you to the brim, give you a baby just like you want. You just have to be a good girl and let me make you come on my tongue, can you do that princess- hm?”

You moaned at his words, nodding vigorously as he slid off your jeans and spread your legs before him.

“Use your words,” he taunted as he rested your legs on his broad shoulders.

His nose ran up, up, up the inside of your thigh until it reached your panties. He groaned deeply as he took in a deep breath- turned near feral at the scent of your arousal.

“Yes, yes, I’ll be good, please- just please, Lo,” you babbled.

Another deep noise from the back of his throat came from the sounds of your sweet begging as he used his teeth to pull your panties off.

You gasped as his warm wet tongue licked up your gushing pussy, all the way from your hole to your throbbing clit.

“You this wet just for me, princess?” He said, the words muffled against your cunt. He began flicking his tongue over the most sensitive part of you and you keened.

Your back arched and you plunged your fingers into his hair, your fingers tangled in and gripped the brown and silver strands.

“Yes, for you, only for you, always for you,” rambled.

The squelching sounds of your cunt as he pressed two fingers inside mixed with your heavy pants and his groans to create the most erotic symphony you’d ever heard.

Your whines reached a fever pitch as his fingers curdled and pressed against the spongy spot inside you that made you forget anything but his name as his tongue continued to flick and swirl around your clit.

“Logan!” you moaned.

“Missed this pretty pussy,” he growled.

Heat filled you as electricity prickled up your spine. You writhed on the bed and pressed your cunt closer to his mouth.

One of his large hands smacked your hip lightly in reprimand. He then laid his arm down across your waist to hold you still.

“Thought you were gonna be a good girl, or do I need to stop,” he teased as he looked up at you and you moaned.

You slick coated his lips and beard, his hair was disheveled from your hands, and his gorgeous eyes were blown with desire.

“No, I’ll be good, promise,” you panted.

He smiled at you, the kind of smile a predator gives their prey before they pounce, and licked you once again.

You were completely at his mercy, pinned to the bed, his fingers inside you and his mouth on your cunt.

You dug your heels into the muscles of his back in an attempt to urge him on.

The tension inside you built and built as his tongue continued its ministrations.

“M’gonna come, Lo,” you whined.

“Good girl, come for me,” he replied then sucked on your clit.

The pleasure was so intense as his thick fingers continued to hit that spot inside you that lightning ran up your spine and you came with a moan of his name.

He continued to lick until you yanked on his hair in an attempt to pull his head away as his arm across your hips kept you pinned to the bed and wiggling away wasn’t an option.

He chuckled darkly as he pressed a final kiss to your bundle of pleasure then looked up at you.

“Did I do good? You gonna reward me with your cock, daddy?” you asked.

There was a heartbeat before he replied, where you worried you went too far as he looked at you in surprise.

But then came his response, “Fuck. Yes, sweetheart, you’re perfect. Daddy’s gonna give you his cock, gonna fill you up real good.”

You whimpered in desire as he stood. You sat up and immediately began to yank at his belt.

He smirked as he looked down on you- watched you in your desperation to reach his thick cock.

Your mouth watered as you won your fight with his belt and zipper and yanked the jeans down enough to get a glimpse of his gloriously hard dick.

Logan finally took pity on you and helped you to remove his pants altogether, which left him wonderfully bare before you.

Good god, he was sexy- his rippling muscles glistened with sweat and you wanted to lick every inch of his skin.

He lifted your face with a hand on your chin so you would meet his eyes once more.

At the heat in his gaze you felt yourself gush even more.

His thumb brushed across your bottom lip and you obediently opened your mouth. He pressed his thumb into your mouth and you moaned softly as you sucked on it.

“Shit, you’re killing me, pretty girl. Lay back, I need to be inside you,” he growled.

You let him pull his thumb out of your mouth and looked up at him through your lashes.

“Can I taste you first?” you asked sweetly.

His eyes rolled back into his head and he gripped your chin tighter.

“Course you can, my good girl gets whatever she wants,” he said then led your face closer to his cock.

You wanted to live in this moment forever, your head fuzzy with ecstasy only he could provide and empty of anything but him as you were eager to please him. You wanted to be his - in every possible way.

You wrapped one hand around the base of his cock and pressed a kiss to the tip as you looked up at him. His breaths stuttered and power rushed to your head. You had this big strong man literally in the palm of your hand as you gave him pleasure that nearly brought him to his knees as your tongue peeked out and you licked the sensitive underside of his tip.

He groaned your name and that prompted you on as you opened your mouth and began to take in some of his length and suckled gently.

You moaned at the salty taste of him in your mouth, and took him in deeper as your hand worked in tandem.

“You look so pretty like this,” he murmured.

You rubbed your thighs together in an desperate but fruitless attempt to generate friction as your clit throbbed again with need. There was nothing as delicious as the grunts and groans Logan made as you took him deeper into your mouth.

His hand slipped from the side of your face to cradle the back of your head and you moaned around his length as he led you to take him deeper into your throat. You took deep breaths through your nose as you swallowed him, taking him in far enough that you no longer needed to use your hand and instead used your hand to gently cup his balls.

“That’s it, doing so good f’me,” Logan groaned.

The musky scent of him filled your nostrils as your nose brushed against the wiry hairs at the base of his cock. His other hand began to flick and pinch at your nipple and you moaned around his length.

His size was substantial, but you were used to it at this point and your head emptied, only Logan present in your mind, as you let him guide your mouth up and down on his cock as you sucked him deeper.

It was everything you wanted and more, until he pulled you off him. A string of saliva connected from your bottom lip to his tip as you gasped for air and looked up at him.

He wiped away the spit as he murmured out, “fuckin’ perfect.”

You whimpered as he surged forward and kissed you, near feral with desire.

“Logan,” you gasped as he manhandled you further back onto the bed and laid himself on top of you.

He continued to kiss you, his lips moved against yours and you surged closer- your chin bumped his as you kissed him urgently. His tongue explored your mouth and electricity filled you. Your body was filled with desperation as you wrapped your legs around his trim waist.

“Need you inside me, please daddy, need your huge cock inside me, need you to fill me up,” you pleaded as he began to kiss and suck on your neck. You knew there would be bruises there tomorrow, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care - it was only more evidence that you belonged to him.

He chuckled darkly and said, “You sound so pretty when you beg, princess. Don’t worry, daddy’s got you.” He reached down and lined his cock up to your desperate hole and you whined in relief.

Slowly, so slowly, Logan pressed himself inside you. Inch by inch he sunk his cock deep inside your cunt and the feeling was unlike any other.

He caged you in with his large arms on either side of your head and you pulled his face down for another desperate kiss.

Once he was seated fully inside you, it was as if all the franticness of the moment dissipated and you both felt the need to savor the moment, to extend it for as long as possible, to live in this experience of perfection for eternity.

There were times that sex with Logan was rough and animalistic, but you both knew that this wouldn’t be one of those times. This was making love - this was a reunion, a reconciliation, a healing of hurts, a fusion of souls.

You looked deep into his eyes and found home.

You locked your ankles around his waist to keep him close, the desire to be as close to him as possible all consuming. His deep breaths pressed his chest against yours and there was nothing in the world but you and him.

One of his hands stroked your arm as you reached up and placed your hand on the side of his face. The other rested against his shoulder as you gripped the muscles you found there.

You caressed his cheek and ran your fingers in his beard.

“I love you,” you whispered.

His eyes became bright with emotion, he had the prettiest eyes you’d ever seen- dark green with rings of brown that held unconditional love for you.

He murmured your name and it sounded like a prayer of devotion as it fell from his plush lips. He pressed a tender kiss to your lips.

He pulled back enough to press his forehead against yours.

“I love you more than anything,” he replied.

You felt perfectly incandescently happy, so wonderfully full of him, and despite both of your desires for this moment to never end, you also needed him to move inside you.

“Please, Lo,” you breathed out.

He knew exactly what you meant and he braced his forearms on either side of your head and pulled his hips back. Logan pulled back enough that only the tip of his cock remained inside you, before he sunk back in slowly.

Your breaths mingled with his and it felt as if the two of you were on an island of your own- as if you were the only two people in the world.

There was a feeling of connectedness, as if the puzzle pieces had all finally fallen into place, as your heartbeat sped and began to beat in time with his.

“You feel so good, so big,” you breathed out as he continued his slow steady pace. Again, and again, and again he pushed himself inside you.

He moaned and kissed you again, this time messy and more urgent.

The string of fate that connected the two of you pulled taunt, became stronger as a result of your union, as you declared to one another your infinite commitment and love.

You clenched down as he increased his pace.

“That’s it, that’s my good girl, so fuckin’ tight,” he said, his lips moved against yours as he imprinted the praise into your mouth.

There was a delicious feeling of fullness as you felt stretched and stuffed to the brim with his cock, as your heart threatened to burst at the care he showed you. Your hands ran across his arms and shoulders, around and down to his back where your nails dug into the sweat slicked muscles you found there.

He grunted and again increased his pace. Your thighs tightened around his waist and you held onto him more securely as he pistoned his cock inside you.

There was no better feeling than when he was inside you. His cock repeatedly hit that spot deep within that made you see stars and you felt that familiar burning inside you begin to grow.

There was no possible way to be closer to him. His face was buried in your throat, his chest pressed against yours and every thrust brushed your sensitive nipples against the hair there, your puffy clit felt shockwaves of every thrust as his groin grinded against it, the slick of your arousal coated you both- there was no possible way to be closer to him, and yet somehow you needed more.

“Daddy, please,” you gasped.

“Mhm, is this what my pretty girl needs?”

He shoved a hand between your bodies and began to press tight circles against your throbbing clit.

“Yes!” You let out a high pitched whine as you threw your head back let out a low groan as you clenched down on his thick cock.

The squelching sounds of your joining bodies should’ve made you embarrassed, but white hot pleasure eroded all your senses.

“C’mon pretty baby, come for daddy and then I’ll fill you up, I’ll make you full of me, make sure everyone knows you’re mine with my ring on your finger and my baby in your stomach. S’that what you want? Huh? You want everyone to know you’re mine?” he growled in your ear.

“God, y-yes, Logan- fuck,” you stuttered out.

He continued to fuck into you with those long harsh thrusts, the pace quick and intense as his finger drew tight circles on your overstimulated clit. It balanced you on the line of pleasure and pain, but his words pushed you over the edge.

You gasped loudly, “M’gonna come!”

He grabbed your face and said, “Look at me.”

White hot pleasure exploded through you. Your eyes fluttered open and you stared deep into his intense gaze as you came on his cock.

He groaned along with you as you clenched down on him.

“Shit, that’s my good girl,” he said and kissed you sloppily.

You keened at the praise, your head fuzzy with ecstacy. Your nails again dug into his back as he continued to pump himself inside you as he chased his own release.

His breaths came harder as his sweat slicked skin slid against yours. His hand gripped your hip hard enough to bruise as his pace somehow increased.

There was nothing you could do but take it. This-this was bliss, this was perfection.

“Want you to fill me up, want you to come in me, please Lo,” you whined.

He groaned and with one more deep thrust he pushed himself as far inside you as possible and came. He filled you up, with stuttered breaths and hips, he came until he had nothing else to give.

You pulled your head back from his neck, where you had bit down- hard, and pressed a kiss to his lips.

You could’ve sworn that the thread of fate, the connection between the two of you glowed in the aftermath.

With a grunt, he flipped over onto his back as he held you tight, and kept you against him and pulled you on top of him as he kept his cock inside you.

You rested your head against his chest.

“Can we just stay like this for a while?” you asked.

He pressed a kiss to the top of your head as his large hand ran up and down your back.

“Of course, princess. Anything you want.”

And so you did. After all, time was a minuscule thing when the entirety of a new future together stretched before you.

#logan howlett #wolverine #logan #logan howlett smut #wolverine smut #logan howlett x reader #wolverine x reader #logan howlett x you #logan howlett x y/n #wolverine x you #wolverine x y/n

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lonely-ey3s · 26 days ago

Text

With All My Love : Chapter 1 | paper, pens, stamps

Pairing: joel miller x f!reader, no outbreak

Series warnings: mentions of war/combat, violence, mentions of blood, angst, flashbacks and mentions of abusive relationship between an ex and also family, smut 18+ MDNI (each chapter will have more in depth warnings), eventual fluff, flirting, small age gap (Joel is mid 30’s, switched POV, reader is late 20’s), mutual pining, any additional warnings will be listed in each chapter.

Summary: You enlist in the army as a way to escape your abusive ex-boyfriend. While you are in basic training and eventually deployed as a medic in the army, you participate in a pan pals program that your bunkie convinces you to do with her. What you don’t expect is to be paired with Joel Miller, a single dad in Texas, who you find great comfort and motivation in writing back and forth. As each letter comes to you from him, and to him from you, you both realize ‘warm regards’ turns into ‘with all my love’.

Banners by: @saradika-graphics

Main Masterlist

Chapter 1: Pens, Paper and Stamps

Word count: 5.3k

Chapter warnings: mentions of abuse, flashbacks and nightmares of abuse, small age gap, flashbacks, mentions of being in basic training for the army, start of mutual pining, switched POV's.

Reader’s POV

You need to get 3 things at the camps commissary, or at least at a minimum 3 things. Your bunkie, Maria, signed you both up for this pen pals program and she said that you need at least pens, paper and stamps as she already had envelopes.

You had just finished a grueling day of training, every muscle in your body aches. The last thing you want to do is write a letter, but if you two were going to do this thing together, you needed to write something this evening as the mail was sent out from your camp only once a week. You could say it was now or never (or at least another week).

You paid for some general Bic pens, a small notebook with lined paper and had the choice of choosing either stamps with the American flag or with birds. You chose to not shove that you guys were in the military down your pals throat, and chose the birds. Birds could maybe be a conversation starter right? But what did you know about birds? Nothing, but who cares. You also opted to grab a Fort Jackson post card to put in the envelope. You loved postcards but this program was weird about solely sending just that, so you thought you’d sneak one in just for your own joy and amusement.

When you got back to your bunkhouse, Maria just about leapt out of her bed to come grab supplies from you. She was a lot more eager to do this, and also a lot more energetic than you in the sense of most things. She had that ‘glass half full, grass is greener’ personality, whereas you were somewhat the opposite. You chose to live in reality and if things were shit, things were shit. You didn’t want to focus on what they ‘could be’, you wanted to focus on what they were so you could fix it. Maybe that’s why you were going into the medic program, you knew that if someone in the field was going to die, you weren’t going to waste precious time trying to save them, instead focus on those you could. Was that harsh and cold? Absolutely but that’s just how you were programmed and that’s the only way you knew how to live. However, regardless of your opposite personalities, you two were thicker than thieves, bonded. She annoyed you with her sunshine attitude most of the time, but she kept you grounded, and you saw her as a great friend, and somewhat of a sister figure. She was a good man in a storm, and you needed that.

“Birds? Wasn’t there anything else besides birds?” she looked at you a little disappointed as she sat back on her bed with some paper, a few pens and half of the stack of stamps you bought.

“Girl, we live on a military base, I was surprised there was something other than the flag to choose from..” you chuckled as you thought how you could have come back with the American flag stamps, how that would have thrown her panties in a bunch as she also noted before you left to not get any ‘Uncle Sam’ stamps.

“Fair enough. Thanks for getting all this. Maybe when we are in town next time we can get something more exciting.” she said as she started to lay out her paper and start writing.

All you did was slightly nod and hum. You didn’t really care much for all the frill and customization of these letters like she did, but thought maybe that who you were writing to once you heard back from them, that may change your mind.

All you had was a name and address for who you were writing. You thought that wasn’t much to go off of, hell with a name like ‘Joel’ you didn’t know if you were writing to someone closer to your age or an old man eating jello from a cup in a retirement center.

You wrote the address and return address on the envelope that Maria had left on the desk for you and placed a stamp on it. You thought of what to write… do you do things like an introduction to yourself, ask questions, what the hell were you going to write?

Maria must’ve sensed your hesitation to write because she just casually guided, “Just start by introducing yourself and go from there.. It’ll be easier when they write back to us back.” she said with a soft smile as you peeked over your shoulder to look at her.

Maria didn’t just sign you both up for this program for the hell of it, she knew you needed more people, someone besides her to open up to. She hoped that by participating, it would help you not feel so alone, which she knew was a thought that consumed you more than you liked to admit.

You turned back around and let out a small sigh before starting:

‘Dear Joel,

Greetings from South Carolina!’

No - fuck, that’s stupid, who the hell says ‘Greetings!’...? You tore the page out, crumpled it up and tossed it into the waste bin. Maria softly giggled “Let me guess, did you say something like ‘Greetings’?”

You scoffed and smiled over at her “You know what? Shut up..” you both let out a small laugh before you turned back to your page, pen in hand fiddling it between your fingers, thinking.

Ok let's try this again.

‘Dear Joel, May 14, 2014

It seems like you and I have been paired for this program together. Congrats to us? If I am being honest, my bunkie is making me do this, so I’m not sure how to write letters, so you’ll have to mind me warming up to the process.

I could start with a little bit about me? I am writing to you from Fort Jackson, SC. My name is _____, and I am currently in basic training to be a medic in the United States Army. I was born and raised in Washington, but moved to Augusta, GA a little over 5 years ago. However, now I am here in the humid as shit state of South Carolina, and can’t wait to be done with basic in a few weeks, this state with its giant ass bugs from hell can kindly bugger off. Have you seen the bugs they have here? They should be deemed a danger to society with how big they are… no thank you.

I don’t really know what else much to write about myself, as I believe I am not the most exciting person to learn about, but if you have any questions, feel free to ask. I don’t really have a picture to send or I would, you know- like to give you a face to connect with the letter. I’ll try to have Maria (the bunkie) get a Polaroid of us or myself at one point to send in my next letter. Maybe by then I could take one at graduation? We’ll see.

I guess some questions I have for you is, what do you do for a living? Any hobbies or interests? Birds? Do you like birds? Dumb question, I know but I chose the bird stamp versus the American flag at the camp commissary, thought maybe it could be an ice breaker? Not that I know jackshit about birds - shoot sorry, pardon my language. I’ve been living in close quarters with men that have mouths of sailors for the past 3 weeks, I’ll try to catch myself if you aren’t ok with swearing. Where was I? Birds. Yeah I don't know a thing about birds but if you do, tell me an interesting fact? Or if you can pick a more interesting stamp, maybe we can talk about that :)

Well, I am not sure when this will get to you but if you don’t write back for a couple of weeks, you could catch me while I am possibly deployed? I’ve been told after graduation a lot of the medics get assigned pretty quickly overseas, but who knows? I guess what I am trying to say is I’ll try to write as often as I can, you know, put as much effort in this relationship? Is that too weird to say, relationship? Oh well. I’ll know if you don’t write back - it was too fast. ;)

I look forward to getting to know you more Joel, until next time, stay healthy and well.

Warm regards,

Y/N’

You wrote on the postcard:

‘I guess something about me is that I am a sucker for a postcard, so expect one in each of our letters, since the program won’t let me write solely on one to send you. Sorry this one is so boring, I promise to get one that has something more unique next time!’

You folded up the paper into thirds and then stuck the letter and postcard into the envelope then looked back and found Maria spritzing some perfume on her letter and letting out a chuckle while rolling your eyes “Jesus, why the perfume?”

She looked up and turned a little red, “You weren’t supposed to see that. Let a girl live. Who knows, maybe me and my pen pal will fall in love, you know, like those hallmark movies?” she looked into the distance longingly, clutching the envelope to her chest.

You just let out a belly laugh, “I’ll let you live out that fantasy, and I’ll just hope for your sake you didn’t just awaken an old man in a nursing home's sex drive…” you teased.

She slapped you with her envelope as you walked by to get ready for bed. “Don’t you dare manifest that!” she said with a slight giggle. You just looked at her and shook your head, “What’s your pals name again, Reginald?” chuckling as you tried to think of some older man’s name to tease her.

She looked over at your annoyed, “No smartass, his name is Tommy.”

Joel’s POV

Joel wasn’t one to do a pen pal program, in fact he still didn’t want to do it, but he promised Sarah, his 13 year old daughter, who was doing it in her school’s homeroom class, with kids outside the country, he would do it too as Sarah wanted something for them to bond over. Sarah though, also she hoped her dad would make a friend or find joy in whomever he wrote as she knew he was lonely ever since her mom left them.

Regardless of his agreement, that didn’t stop him from tucking your name and address he had received from the program 2 weeks ago away. He felt intimidated by making the first move and hoped that whoever he was paired with would secretly be the same, and nothing would come of it. That was until Sarah ran in from the front door with the mail in her hand, waving it about excitedly, “They wrote! Dad, your pal wrote to you! Look!” she shook the envelope in his face and then spun in a circle.

Joel couldn’t help but smile, obviously Sarah was excited and happy about the letter, maybe he should give it a chance? What’s the worst that could happen?

“Alright, calm down kiddo… let me open the damn thing. Goodness.” he took the envelope from her and lightly chuckled as he leaned up against the counter and opened it, and started to read quietly to himself. He liked the part where you mentioned the bird stamps and trying to find an ice breaker. He could tell by your rambling writing you may have been just as nervous and intimidated by the process too, and that set his mind slightly more at ease. His eyes widened slightly reading you were going to be deployed as army medic. He knew from his brother serving that put you in a very dangerous situation and that tore as a small part of him. He didn’t want you in danger, but he also knew you were making an incredible sacrifice and that earned you a bucket load of respect from him.

He looked in the envelope as he felt something else in there and then smiled warmly pulling out the postcard you additionally sent and read the small message. He also enjoyed postcards more than letters, and found joy in knowing you felt the same. Something about postcards felt more unique and authentic to him, and he knew he would be sending you one back, it was something you both had in common, and he liked that.

Sarah watched as he read through everything, eagerly waiting to see when he would finish, then she started to bombard him with question after question, “So? What did they say? What are they like? Did they send any pictures? Sam sent photos of him and his family, did yours? What’s their name, how old are they? Do they like baseball like you?...”

Joel looked at Sarah and softly chuckled “Here, you can read it, it’ll answer most of those questions.” He pushed himself off the counter and left the letter for her to look over.

He wanted to write you back, as he knew it took about a week for your letter to get to him, if his timing was right, he could get his letter to you in time, before your possible deployment. However, he needed to run to the market to pick out some postcards to send you, but also Sarah reminded him the other day, they needed more stamps.

Sarah had a paper due tomorrow so while she did that, he ran to the store and grabbed what he needed. He also grabbed some film for Sarah’s polaroid camera as he wanted to send you a picture of him and Sarah, give a face to the writer as you put it.

When he got home, he could hear some music from up in Sarah’s room so he sat down at the kitchen table so he could be as distraction free as possible and began to write:

‘Dear Y/N, May 22nd, 2014

I wanted to get this letter back to you before your possible deployment, and if I do the math right, it should arrive to you either right before or right after your graduation, so with that being said ‘Congratulations and thank you for your service’ or thank you for the service you’re about to do… god I’m not good at this.

He sighed heavily and rubbed his fingers into his scruff thinking what to write next.

Ok, changing subjects, I also enjoy postcards more than letters, so I’ve also added one to my letter package. However, mine will be quite boring as they will all be from Austin, unless I travel for work, but still, majority will be from Austin as I won’t be traveling like you, but still, I’ll do my best to get a variety for you. You’ll be an expert on Austin, TX - we can say that. :)

You asked what I do for a living- I own a construction business with my brother, so I am a contractor. We are currently working on a shopping plaza which has been a lot of work. My knees and back are killing me, but it is always worth all the hard work in the end. Hobbies? I enjoy watching sports, baseball specifically, but other than that, I work long hours and am a single dad, so hobbies just don’t really happen. I’m sure with you being in the army, you understand that. But before the army, what were your hobbies and interests? Sports fan by chance?

I don’t know jack about birds either- and don’t worry about cussin’ - I don’t mind. After all, I am a contractor. I'm sure at least half of what you hear from those men with mouths like sailors is part of my daily vocabulary. But birds - yeah, don't know much other than what I learned on Animal Planet when Sarah was little and went through a 6 month phase of that damn channel and only that channel - but those random fact only spur on whim.

Also, don’t worry about sending a bird stamp. Hell, the only stamps we have in our house are the state of Texas. So exciting, right?

You mentioned those bugs they got you where you are. I’m with you there, those things can go back to the hell they came from. Don’t they fly too? Now that right there - that just ain’t natural.

He heard Sarah’s bedroom door open, which meant he needed to wrap this up if he wanted to finish it without her sticking her nose in his business.

I’ll wrap this up by saying, I know we both aren’t keen on the idea of this right now from the sound of it, but knowing how deployment can be lonely, feel free to write as much as you’d like, we can be each other's tie outside of our daily routine. You can tell me about life wherever you’ll be and I’ll tell you about all the ‘fun’ here in the states.

Stay safe out there and congrats again on graduating.

Joel’

Sarah came bouncing down the stairs humming to herself while the music she was playing in her bedroom still played upstairs, nose in a book. Joel looked at her and stood from his chair, “Hey, could I borrow your Polaroid camera? I wanted to send y/n a photo of us in my letter back.”

Sarah looked up from her book, and smiled softly, “Sure dad, one sec!” she put the book down on the counter while she ran back upstairs to grab her camera. Once back down, the two of them took a few photos together at the table, one smiling, one making a silly face (in which Joel just stuck two fingers behind Sarah’s head to make bunny ears and laughed in her direction sweetly). Joel settled on 2 photos that came through not too blurry and tucked them into the envelope along with the postcard he grabbed and wrote, ‘Can’t wait to see your next post card! -Joel

He then put it on the entry table to put in the mailbox tomorrow morning when he left for work and then started making dinner for he and Sarah.

1 week later

Reader’s POV

You and Maria graduated from basic on a beautiful day in June. As expected, it was a busy day filled with everyone’s family and friends that came to support their soldier.

Maria’s parents and brother both came for the ceremony. You didn’t have anyone come, which was of course by choice and Maria knew that. Your parents had passed a few years back, but even if they were alive, they wouldn't have come either. They were part of the reason you left Washington, they also were never ones to support you in anything. You supported yourself growing up, never could ask them for a thing, and without them, you didn’t have any other family to come support you and you didn’t want whoever else had been in your life up until this part to be there, being alone, having no one there meant you were safe.

Maria’s mother gave you a small hug and smiled “Where’s your family, dear?” you smiled and were about to answer some vague bullshit answer when Maria interjected, “Mama where did dad go? I wanted to have a picture with you two!” she looked at you and winked knowing not talking about it was better than lying about it.

Maria knew the situation of why you joined the army, and knew that you were pretty much on your own when it came to your civilian life. It started when she saw the bruises and marks on you on the first day of boot camp. She heard the whimpers and cries in your sleep when you’d have nightmares of your ex-boyfriends abuse. She saw the sheets that were soaked with your sweat caused by your night terrors, or when you would try to wake early in the morning to make your bed to hide the evidence of your trauma, she knew how hard you tried to hide the pain.

However, that changed when one night she attempted to comfort you as you mumbled ‘Please stop, no please, I’ll do anything, don’t hurt me!’ in your sleep. She put a hand on your shoulder and gently whispered your name, coaxing you to wake up, pleading that you were safe, but it was met by you waking up, not knowing your reality and shoving her to the ground, pinning her down, eyes crazed with fear. When you finally realized where you were, and what had happened, you jumped off her, profusely apologizing and begging her to not say anything to your commanding officer, as you both knew that you could possibly be thrown out due to your mental and emotional state. She insisted you tell her everything, and you did, you told her it all.

You opened up about the years of mental, emotional and physical abuse your ex, Charlie, did to you. How isolated you were, how he cut off old friends and tried to keep you under his grasp. Explained he would hit you when you did something wrong, or what he considered wrong, and how on the night you left, he had beat you within an inch of your life for not having dinner on the table when he got home from work and then to top it off, finding there wasn’t any beer in the fridge as well. You explained that going to the cops did nothing, they were all his buddies from school and that each report seemed to disappear. You decided that night that once he was passed out asleep you would leave. That if the law wouldn’t help, you needed to leave. You explained how as you were driving out of town, you happened to pass a recruiting office for the army, there was some bright light or gravitating feeling, ushering you to go inside, how you couldn’t explain it but it felt right. You signed up right then and there, bought a bus ticket with what money you had left in your wallet and then the rest was history.

Maria knew from then on, you two would be each other’s family in service, she knew you’d need someone to lean on and she felt an urge to protect and support you, so that’s what she did, and you felt the same towards her.

You two were unstoppable as a team. Every drill, test, scenario you proved time and time again you were both meant to be there, as well as meant to work together. She had an instinct to solve complex issues, and you had a skill of how to compartmentalize and work fast. You passed your finals with high marks and one within a record breaking time. You both took pride in what you were about to do, and wanted to be the best.

“Oh speaking of photos, that reminds me, will you take our picture ma’am?” you handed your polaroid camera to Maria’s mom and looked at Maria, “I promised Joel I’d send a picture in my next letter…” you hugged Maria at your side ready to have your photo taken.

“Who’s this ‘Joel’ and why isn’t he here?” Maria’s mom asked, confused as she lined up her eye line to the camera.

You blushed lightly and chuckled “No, it’s not like that ma’am, Joel is my uh, Maria and I are doing a pen pal thing, he’s my pal. I told him I’d send him a photo in my second round of letters.”

“Ah, so no boyfriend then?” she waved her hand for you and Maria to scooch closer to each other, “Ok say cheese on 3! 1…2…3!”

You both smiled and a small laugh boiled up from you when Maria goofily said “Cheese!”

You smiled at her mom when the photo started to dispense “No ma’am, no boyfriend.” Her mom gathered the first photo and then looked up at you “No you stay right there, Maria come over here! Y/N I’ll get one with just you for this… Joel” she said with a smirk.

You rolled your eyes and chuckled “It’s not like that..” but chose to amuse her, you didn’t have to send the photo to Joel, you could keep it for yourself, right? He won’t want one of just you.

She just pursed her lips together and narrowed her eyes “Mmhmm…” she lined up her eye line again. “Just because it’s not like that now, don’t mean it can’t be, now smile.”

You straightened up your uniform and cap then smiled into the camera.

When you and Maria finally got back to your room after her parents insisted on taking you both out for dinner, you found a letter on your pillow, which had the return address and name from Joel.

You smiled and picked it up, taking off your cap and setting it on your pillow. You took off your button up and turned on the table top fan on your desk. Jesus, no matter how low your A/C was turned, it was still so damn hot here.

You opened up the envelope and found the postcard from Austin first. You smiled and read the message Joel had left. He had nice handwriting, legible, and better than you thought a man would write if you were being honest. Every other man in your life has chicken scratch writing, so it was a relief that you’d be able to read his letters with little to no struggle.

The next thing that you pulled out was the two photos he and Sarah took. The first was the two of them smiling nicely. He was handsome, very handsome as you noted. He had kind eyes and an even kinder smile. He looked no more than a couple years older than you. He must have been young when he had his daughter, you thought. You sifted through the second photo and let out a small chuckle seeing the silly face Sarah had pulled but something tugged at your heart when you saw how adoring and loving Joel was looking at Sarah. He loved that girl with his whole heart, that was clear as day.

You smiled and then pulled out the letter he wrote and read it quietly to yourself.

You let out a snort when he mentioned the flying bugs, Maria came into the room with a towel around her head as she had come back from the shower, “Something funny?” she asked while walking over to her bed.

You jumped slightly, her presence startling you, “Oh, um, no. Well kind of.” you smiled at your letter. “Joel wrote back, and just said something he said was funny. He uh, he said the flying bugs we have here can go back to hell..”

She came over and saw the photos he sent “Damn, is this him?” she looked at the photo closer, gawking at his obvious good looks.

You quickly grabbed the photo back and tried to hide your small smile and blush “Yeah that’s him and his daughter.”

Maria saw the smile and poked at your side softly as you stood up, “Don’t try to hide it, you think he’s cute!” she teased.

You swatted her hand away gently and chuckled as you walked away, “He’s good looking, yes. But that’s all. He… I… it’s… that’s all it is, he has nice features.” you scrambled to get out as you put the letter, post card and photos back in the envelope and hiding them under your pillow.

Maria laughed loudly and pointed “You have a crush!” mockingly.

You rolled your eyes and started to gather your shower tote “Whatever you want to believe Maria..” and walked out of the room towards the showers.

By the time you were back from your shower, Maria had already fallen asleep and the lights were shut off for the most part. She left one on to help guide you without tripping, and it was the desk light. You weren’t very tired and after your shower felt a burst of energy surge through you. You put your shower tote away and then put on some loungewear before grabbing the envelope with Joel’s letter and began writing:

‘Dear Joel, June 2nd, 2014

You beat me to putting a face the letter writer! Lovely photos, thank you for them! I’ve also taken some at my graduation today for you. I’ll take more if I remember to.

Your daughter is beautiful. She has your eyes and smile. How old is she? What does she enjoy doing? If she’s the age I am guessing she is, around early teens, I am guessing the mall is something she enjoys… at least that’s what I did around that age.

I’m glad we found some common ground on postcards! I will be lucky to get a variety of sorts from where you are in Austin. :)

I agree with you also about the damn flying bugs here. I hope that wherever I go, the bugs aren’t any bigger than they are here… watch me get assigned to some tropical area where there are spiders as big as my fist! Good lord, pray I don’t get that assignment.

You asked about sports, I do love watching baseball and have been to a few games. If I had to choose a team, I’d say Go Cubs! I also love football, grew up in a town where football was like a religion. I am assuming since you’re in Austin that you’re a Cowboys fan? I don’t mind them, their defense could use a little work, but other than that, they are a fun team to watch. I grew up as a Redskins fan, but watching the league without state influence, I have been liking the Vikings or Broncos lately. (I feel this might be a sore spot for us, lol).

Hobbies, I’m like you, I was always too ‘busy’ for hobbies, or just never got around to taking time to myself to discover any. Now that I’m about to be deployed, I don’t see that changing any time soon either. However, I don’t mind taking photos with my Polaroid and before I enlisted, took some on a digital camera, but lost it in the process of leaving my last place.

You said that Sarah went through an Animal Planet phase? If you can’t spit out a fact, at least tell me, what’s your favorite animal? I’ll go first, to make it fair- whales. I love them. I think they are so cool and would love one day to go whale watching.

I don’t know where I’ll be next when you hear from me, you caught me on my graduation night, which is the perfect way to end such a crazy day! Thanks for writing back. I look forward to more.

Talk to you soon. Stay safe, healthy, and heat your back and knees, or if you’re like me, get a brace so you don’t fall apart ;) We are too young for these issues!

Warm regards,

Y/N’

You folded the pages in three, picked out a new post card that you had found when you went out a week ago that had a vintage photo of Main Street on it. You wrote 'Tried fried okra and sweet tea for the first time on this street the other day, ya’ll are up to something in the south with that kind of food! Damn! -Y/N'

You also slipped in both the photos Maria’s mom took into the envelope and sealed it shut, no chickening out you told yourself.

You placed the stamp and wrote his address out before grabbing his letter and photos and getting into bed. You pulled out the photo of him and Sarah smiling nicely and thought just for a sliver of a second how you didn’t feel so alone.

Maybe this pen pals thing wasn’t so bad.

Next chapter

this is my first fic ever so please like, comment, share if you'd like more! If you'd like to be a part of the tag list, lmk! thx luvs!

#joel miller #joel x reader #pedrohub #pedro pascal #the last of us #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller series #the last of us hbo #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal joel miller #pedro pascal character fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel miller smut #joel tlou #joel x #joel x you #joel x y/n

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moonlitstoriess · 5 months ago

Text

A Moment Away- Lucien Vanserra x Fem!Reader

Decided to write a cute/romantic little fanfic about Lulu because my boy deserves all the love🧡☺️

Y/n loved her job as a craftsman. Creating beautiful and intricate items, from paintings to jewelry, made her feel the happiest. Selling them to people or giving her mate these items when he goes to act as a diplomat in some court makes her feel quite valued too. She couldn't even count how many times her mate would come back from his trip, beyond happy and grateful to her because the individual he was meant to impress and create an alliance with fell in love with her craftsmanship.

Y/n also loved her workshops, her lessons that she would give to higher fae and after the war, to lesser fae with no charge. Feyre, the High Lady of the Night Court, even came to her workshops multiple times, praising her work and even sending y/n some paintings of her own too. Safe to say, Y/n was glad to have so many supporters and lovers of her work, including the high lady.

But sometimes, her motivation to create would cease to exist. Those days were the worst because she would feel her lowest. Unskilled, not special, not smart or talented. When that would happen, she wouldn't work or cheer up for the next couple of days, weeks, even.

But there was only one something or rather someone, who could bring her motivation back. Her handsome, funny, loving, charming, beyond clumsy and sometimes awkward mate, Lucien Vanserra. Y/n doesn't remember a day when Lucien wouldn't praise or shower her in love and affection. From morning till evening, Lucien will always find a way to show his admiration and care.

From the moment they accepted their mating bond two beautiful years ago, y/n and her mate had grown inseperable. Madly in love. It was this very same love that always caused her to feel beyond saddened whenever Lucien had to leave. His job as a diplomat, an emissary, required him to always be on the move. And y/n understood it, she really did. After all, it is thanks to his work that they are able to live so comfortably. It is thanks to his serious work ethic that Rhsand gave them a bigger home in Velaris for whenever they visit. And it is thanks to his and her work that they now have a comfortable house in the outskirts of the forest, near a lake, close to the human lands, and the wall from where he can also easily contact with Jurien and Vassa.

But it didn't help that each time after he left, y/n was feeling emotional. She grew so close with him that they were basically inseperable now. Even though he would shower her with kisses, cuddles, romantic intimate moments the night before, it would still fail to be enough.

So imagine the surprise on y/n's face when she came back home one day from her workshop and found a basket of some of her favorite flowers and a small note saying:

Come to the lake, my sunshine.

Y/n was shocked. Two days earlier, Lucien had written her that he would be home in a week but this.....he is home early. There were no more words, but there didn't need to be. She could almost hear the warmth in his voice, feel the promise in those few words. A small smile tugged at her lips, and for the first time that day, a sliver of hope broke through the clouds of her mood.

She made her way to the lake, the path lit by the soft glow of twilight. The cool evening breeze played with her hair, carrying the faint scent of pine and earth. The familiar sights and sounds of the forest calmed her nerves, the rhythmic rustling of leaves underfoot grounding her.

When she reached the lake, the sight before her took her breath away. A blanket was spread out on the grass, and atop it, an array of food—bread, cheese, fresh fruit, and a bottle of wine, all carefully laid out. The beautiful view of the sun setting over the horizon, casting its gentle glow over the whole area, added to the beauty of it all. But....there was no Lu-

Suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped around her waist from behind, her mates honey-like sultry voice coming from right beside her ear.

"You came,"

“How could I not?” she replied, her own smile growing by the minute as y/n leaned her head back onto his chest, allowing him to kiss her cheek. “But you, came early.”

Lucien chuckled as he turned her to face him, y/n's hands coming upwards to hold him by the neck as they smiled at one another.

"I missed you dearly, each moment without you was like torture. Had to come see you."

Y/n chuckled lightly as she said, "Lu, you can't just leave your duties for me."

Lucien scoffed as he leaned his head down, "Of course I can. You are my mate, nothing or no one is ever more important to me than you."

And before she could reply, he was kissing her with so much love and passion, as if trying to convey his feelings through this act.

She laughed fullheartedly once they seperated, tilting her head backwards as Lucien gently swayed them with a smile covering his face. Watching his mate be so free and happy made him feel happy.

After a little while, he gently took her hand and led her towards the small blanket sitting down and bringing her with him. As y/n got comfortable on his lap, playing with the small bracelet she gifted him on his wrist, and they stared into the beautiful view, she heard him say,

"Your presence is the forgotten melody that makes my heart sing in a language only we understand."

Y/n turned her head to look at him, their gazes meeting. "And you are the magic that makes every note of my heart's song feel like a new beginning."

Lucien smiled before leaning in to kiss her once more, this time gently. And then, her layed down, causing her to also fall back with a small gasp and a giggle.

They talked as they ate, sharing stories of their day, venting frustrations, and exchanging quiet laughter. The food was delicious, but it was the company that truly nourished her. Being with Lucien, feeling his warmth beside her, hearing his voice—these were the things that mattered, that made everything else fade into insignificance.

As the night deepened, they lay back on the blanket, gazing up at the stars. The moon cast a silver glow over the lake, turning the water into a shimmering mirror. Lucien’s hand found hers, their fingers intertwining.

“You know,” he said softly, his voice filled with a tenderness that made her heart ache, “no matter how tough the day is, knowing I have you to come back to makes it all worth it.”

She turned to look at him, her eyes meeting his. “And I’ll always be here,” she promised. “Whenever you need me, I’ll be right here.”

Lucien smiled, a quiet, content smile that spoke of unspoken promises and endless tomorrows. “I love you, and I will also be there for you. Always.” he whispered, his voice barely more than a breath.

She leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to his lips, her heart full. “I love you too,” she replied, her voice steady and sure.

In that moment, beneath the vast expanse of stars, with the world fading away around them, they were all that mattered. No more worries, no more frustrations—just the two of them, together, bound by love and whispered promises.

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A/n: Hope you guys enjoyed reading this. It's not proofread so sorry for any grammatical mistakes:))

#acotar #fantasy #fanfics #lucien #lucien vanserra #lucien x reader #lucien x y/n #fluff #acowar #sjmaas #maasverse #books

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munsons-hellfire · 11 months ago

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Hi there!! i saw you’re gonna start writing for acotar! can i request a helion x reader where it’s a double date but theyre both like no we’re just third and fourth wheeling nbd but maybe there’s an ulterior motive somewhere to get them to realize their feelings for each other??

We’re Just Friends | Helion

SUMMARY: You and Helion are oblivious to each other's feelings until you arent.

PAIRINGS: Helion x Reader

CONTENT WARNINGS: SFW, fluff, angst.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: You have no idea how excited I was when I got this request. I had come up with two ideas for this and ended up going with the more angstier version because I loved it so much. I also added a little more to it because I wanted to build something between the reader and Helion. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did writing it. Thank you for requesting for Helion, he is one of my favorites from ACOTAR so I had a lot of fun with this!

WORD COUNT: 1.7K

You’d been a member of the Night Court since you were born. With friends such as Rhysand, Cassian, and Azriel you were able to escape Illyria before they had a chance to clip your wings. You’d found your family became of those three males. You were an emissary to the Night Court, often traveling between Courts to form a bond to have an ally in any future war. The Autumn Court and Spring Court were courts you often avoided if you could.

You knew the history between Rhys and Tamlin and couldn’t stand the male. You didn’t get along with Beron in the least. Always trying to defy what he wanted to do. One High Lord in particular had caught your attention. Helion had taken the opportunity to get to know you, he’d befriended you and whenever you visited his Court it was hard for your friends to separate you from him.

Before Amarantha happened they could see the love that was there between you and Helion. Rhys kept quiet, as did the others but they knew something would happen between you and Helion eventually. When they were trapped Under the Mountain and you were locked up in Velaris everything had changed for you. You’d become a shell of your former self and even when Prythian had been free at the hands of a human who risked her life in the process and died, you still hadn’t managed to pull through.

The months leading to the return of Rhys you started seeing Helion again, slowly but surely becoming yourself again. It was even more of a reason that Rhys and all your other friends believed that you and Helion were mates. But there wasn’t time to say anything right now with a fight on its way. The war had been fought and won. Rhys had died in the process only to be brought back.

Everything seemed to be right in Prythian. After the way you’d stayed with Vassa and Jurian to help rebuild whatever was left standing. You’d found a friendship with the two, and eventually Lucien when he joined them. Upon returning back from the work you’d helped with in the Human lands Helion had requested that you become his emissary for the Day Court.

Helion had seen how much you’d managed to accomplish in the months after the war against Hybern was over. He knew you’d be a great addition to his court, he also knew you’d look better in Day Court colors. After a talk with Rhys and Feyre, your High Lord and High Lady you had their approval. You said your goodbyes to your family, promising to come visit whenever you could and you left.

It had been 10 years since the events of the war. Things were steady now. You had everything you ever wanted, accepted you knew there was still something missing from your life. When Feyre and Rhys invited you and Helion to join them in Velaris for an outing, you couldn’t say no to them. Helion had agreed, though there wasn’t much you’d have to say to convince the male to go with you.

He enjoyed being wherever you were, so if you want to go see your family he’d follow along with you. The night had started out wonderful, you and Helion had met up with Rhys and Feyre as a casual get together, but they had other plans in mind. The mated couple was going to get you and Helion together by the end of the night. They still didn’t understand how either of you could’ve gone this long being so oblivious to the fact that you and Helion were in love with each other.

Helion couldn’t bring himself to admit it, he was afraid to lose you as a friend or worse to someone else. Meanwhile you were afraid of his rejection. He was a High Lord after all so he’d have every right to say no to you if you’d so much as mention your affections for him. The four of you sat at a table in a restaurant in Velaris. You’d given Feyre an odd look when she had mentioned that this was a double date.

You had finished your food, your eyes were on Helion as he talked to Rhys and Feyre about something. You weren’t sure what he was talking about. You’d been so focused on his face that his words slipped right through your ears. You blinked, finally taking notice that all eyes were on you. Suddenly you felt as though you’d miss something.

“Oh, you did, sister.” Rhys whispered in your mind. You glared at him, throwing your shields up to block him.

“I’m sorry, what are we talking about?” You asked softly, not looking at Helion, afraid that you’d disappointed him by missing something so important.

“I was just wondering if you’d be coming to see the rest of the family later tonight, maybe bring Helion.” Feyre said, her eyes planted on you. A smirk rested on her lips. You knew that she was having a mind conversation with Rhys.

“Oh, I’m sure Helion wants to head back home soon, so maybe another time.” You didn’t miss the way Helion had smirked at your comment.

“Nonsense, I think we can stay a little bit longer.” Helion remarked, a smile on his lips. You gripped your drink, sipping the wine slowly.

“Great.” Feyre said excitedly.

“Maybe we can even get you two together.” Rhys said, causing you to choke on your wine. You put your glass down, attempting to stop the coughing fit.

Finally you were able to get words out. “We’re just friends, Rhys.” You said, and it was a simple answer. Feyre and Rhys had caught the look of hurt that had crossed Helion’s face when those words had slipped from your lips.

“Yes, we’re just friends.” You winced, it was almost like Helion had been hurt by your choice of words. You felt you couldn’t breathe, you were being suffocated by everything around you. This was not what you’d expected to happen tonight.

“Excuse me, I need some air.” You were quick to get up and leave the restaurant before any of them could protest. The cool air hit your skin when you walked out the door. You walked down to the bridge that overlooked Velaris and the Sidra river.

More than anything you wanted to be with Helion, you knew you’d been in love with him for so long. So why did your words affect him so much, you were so certain that he didn’t feel the same way about you. That you were just an Illyrian female he wanted to bed. Your wings moved in closer to protect you from any passersby as you let the tears fall down your face.

“So that’s what I am to you, a friend?” His voice was cold, distant as the question left his mouth.

You didn’t answer, couldn’t answer. Not when you were still crying over what had happened. You should’ve known that Helion would chase after you.

“I didn’t mean it to come out that way.” You said, pulling your wings back and tucking them in tightly as you turned to look at the male.

“Then how did you mean it?”

“I just, I mean we are friends. There’s nothing between us so why does it matter?” You were really hurting him, you knew that.

“Because.” He whispered softly.

“Because isn’t an answer.” You watched as he walked closer to you, closing the space between you and him. His hand gently touched your cheek. You looked at him with a glimmer of hope, of love in your eyes.

“Because I love you, I have loved you since I first met you. I have loved you since I discovered you were my mate. And I will continue to love you until it is my time to leave this world behind.”

You felt your heart picking up its pace at his words. You could hear the honesty coming from him. And then it happened, you felt it, that gold string tie around your heart. You gasped, your hand flying to your chest as you felt the strength of the bond pick up between you and Helion. Finally he smiled, still looking at you.

“But all this time, you, you were seeing other’s.” You felt yourself cracking waiting for his answer.

“It was just for a fun time. I may bring other lovers into our bed, but they will never be able to replace anything. I fell for you, my sunshine. You are the light in my life that I’ve been waiting so long for.” You released a broken laugh, tears falling down your face. “Please don’t cry my love.” He whispered as he kissed the tears away.

“I’m just so happy.” You whispered, pushing your hands into his wavy hair. “Because I've loved you since the moment I met you too. And I am so thrilled to be your mate.” He smiled at your words and brought his lips to yours kissing you softly. Cheering could be heard in the background. You and Helion pulled apart from each other to look at your family that had been nearby.

“I think it worked, Feyre, darling.” Rhys said, as the mated couple walked towards you and Helion.

A smile rested on your lips and you pushed yourself closer to Helion as he wrapped his hand around your waist. It was the happy ending you’d been looking for, your mate. And now that you’d discovered everything that happened between you and him was the bond’s way of informing you, you couldn’t be more happy.

“I hate you all.” You whispered, resting your head on Helion’s chest.

“I don’t think so. If it hadn’t been for them inviting you to dinner neither of you would’ve known.” Cassian remarked, a smirk playing on his lips.

“Not true, General. I’ve always known about the bond.” At this you looked up at Helion.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” You asked him.

“I didn’t want to risk our friendship in case I was wrong, or the Mother was wrong, or something happened. So many reasons, and I just don’t care because I have you now and that’s all that matters.” He placed a kiss on your head.

“No more lies, promise?” You whispered.

“No more lies, I promise.” The bargain was set, a slight sting of pain ran through your forearm as a bargain tattoo was crafted. The night sky mixed with the sun. A bargain between you and your mate. The happiest of endings, one you were so thankful for.

#reader insert #x reader #a court of thorns and roses #the night court #helion x reader #helion x you #helion spell cleaver #helion acotar #the day court #rhysand #feyre archeron #inner circle #cassian #morrigan

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billlydear · 2 years ago

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can you do a fic where Billy gets jealous and argues with his girlfriend but she knows he’s just scared she’ll leave bcoz his dad always tells him it’s his fault his mom left so she doesn’t let him push her away? he deserves someone who’ll stay :’(

POSSESSION - BILLY HARGROVE X READER

word count: 1467 // masterlist | inbox (please request) | WIP list

reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated! your feedback motivates me to write more, so thank you for your support :-)

Sometimes, Billy Hargrove has two voices. One is his own, slightly brash, but deep and warm to your ears. The second is more grating, rough and venomous; his father’s. Sometimes Neil Hargrove possesses his son, makes him say things he doesn’t really think, things he doesn’t really mean. And Billy doesn’t get himself back until it’s too late, until the words are out there, sucking the love out of your body from the deep wounds they administered.

From the beginning, you knew he had two voices. One would offer you a ride to the nearby diner after school, and laugh with you over milkshakes, sweet and sugary. And the other would scoff when you asked to braid his hair, ‘I’m not a girl,’.

You knew he was at war with himself. He acted so differently, so conflictingly after a day at school than he did when he drove to your house for a date night, that you were almost certain the issue was with his home environment. In a rare moment of inner peace, he’d told you about his father, and everything clicked into place.

Since then, you’ve been fighting with Neil. Not the physical man that made your boy’s life a living hell, but the one inside his head, the one that tells him he can’t reach for your hand in public, the one who says it’s pussy shit to hold his girlfriend’s pink purse for her.

You’re fighting with him now, or at least, you’re planning to. Billy’s mouth is moving but Neil’s voice is coming out, telling you to get out and go home.

“No, Neil.” You tighten your jaw, standing firm by the bed, “I’m not leaving.”

“The fuck did you call me?” Billy’s eyes go dark, lip curling in a sneer.

“I’m not talking to you,” You inform him, “I’m talking to him. He’s in your head, Billy. I know you don’t want me to leave.”

“Yes I do,” He seethes, “You- You’re being unreasonable!”

“No, I’m not.” You shake your head, sitting on the edge of his bed and watching as he stands by the door like a caged animal, “I’m telling you that I’m allowed to meet with my science partner in the library after class to work on our project, and that nothing romantic will happen between us.”

“You’re going to a dimly-lit, secluded place with another man after school hours! You could just do it in class, or work in the park, with people around.”

“The teacher isn’t giving us class time, and we need it to be quiet or else we won’t be able to focus. The library is the perfect place.”

“Yeah,” Billy scoffs, sounding just as intimidating as his father, “I bet he said that, too. Perfect place to make a move.”

“If he makes a move, I’ll leave.” You reason, watching Billy roll his eyes. He turns for the door, presumably to usher you out or storm off for a smoke break, “Because I leave when I’m upset or uncomfortable. Which is why I’m still here, Billy,” You call out to your boy, desperately hoping he can wrestle his father away and take the wheel, “Because I’m not upset with you for something that your father did to you. I know it’s him, telling you that everyone you love will leave you. But I’m not going to, because I know you don’t want me to. You want me to stay, and I will, Billy. I’ll stay.”

His hand goes slack against the doorknob where it’s half-turned, and he freezes. He turns, only his head, to glance back at you where you’re sitting on the bed, eyes scared and defeated, coated in a layer of tears, “You’ll stay?”

You know he means it double. He wants to know that you’ll stay on his bed, you won’t storm out and tell him never to call you again. But he also wants to know you won’t up and leave for the boy from your science class, that if given the chance, even after you’ve seen the worst of him, you won’t have anyone else.

“I’ll stay,” You repeat, nodding and holding a hand out for him.

He hesitates to take it. You know Neil is fighting, kicking and shouting and hitting and punching. Name-calling, pansy, pussy, good-for-nothing, disappointment. But your boy wins out, hands on the wheel once more, voice restored in his throat, albeit a bit shaky.

“I’m sorry,” He croaks, shuffling over the carpet in his heavy boots to approach you, “I shouldn’t have said all that shit.”

He takes a deep breath before he holds your hand, and you reward him for doing it with a soft brush of your thumb over his skin. You pull, leading him to sit beside you on the bed. He blinks back tears, rapidly so, but they win in the end, and one slips from his eye.

“Fuck,” He hisses, rushing to smear his sleeve against his eye, “I- I don’t know why I was angry at you.”

“It’s because he wants you to be, Billy.” You murmur, rubbing a soft hand over his back, “He wants you to think that you’re some chronic fuck-up. He wants you to think everyone is going to leave you, because he won’t, and then you’ll think he’s good for it. But he’s not good for treating you like this, Billy, for doing this to you. He stays because he has power over you, but I stay because I love you. You know that, right? That I love you?”

“Yeah,” He breathes, nodding where his head is buried in his hands, “I know. And I.. love you, too.”

That’s big for Billy. He’s a show-not-tell kinda guy, because telling hasn’t seemed to matter in the past. He told his mom a thousand times, but she’s not here now, is she? So he shows you, and you know it. He just doesn’t always tell you, and that’s how you know you’ve gotten through to him.

“Let me see your face,” You plead, slipping your hand out of his own to take his cheek, “Please?”

He lets you turn his head, but he can’t look you in the eyes with tears on his face.

You lean in, and when your lips approach his eyes, he shuts them. You press your lips soft, light as a feather, to his eyelids, his wet lashes leaving stains on your skin. There’s a glistening tear beneath his right eye, and you kiss it away for good measure.

When he opens his eyes again, he’s looking at you. He looks at his tears shining on your lips, reaches out to wipe the liquid away, and lets his hand linger on your face.

“I’m sorry I ruined our night.” He repeats, “This was supposed to be nice.”

“It’s okay. It can still be nice, it’s not ruined. Arguing doesn’t ruin things,” You promise Billy, “You apologized, and I know you’re sorry, and I forgive you. So I still want to have a nice night with you.”

He doesn’t have anything to say, not with words, but he nods, bumping his nose against your cheek. It means he wants to have a nice night with you, too.

“What do you wanna do, Billy?” You ask, smiling and chasing his nose with your cheek when he tries pulling away. It means that you’re leaned against him now, and he dares to drop a kiss to the pudge of your cheek.

“Would you, uh..” He hesitates, but powers through, condemning his dad to silence, “Would you read to me?”

You nod, “What book, handsome?”

“Any- I don’t care,” He shakes his head, letting you stand and cross to his very minimal bookshelf, mostly books he’s had to read for school, “I just wanna hear your voice.”

When you settle back in bed it’s with The Crucible, a book that you’re currently reading in English, and that he’s definitely behind on. You sit first, backed up against the wall and slouched slightly, and he lays on his stomach, his head resting on your stomach. His hands wind around your thighs and lock him in place, and his eyes are drifting shut before you’ve even cracked the cover.

Before you can start, he squeezes your thighs, “Y/N?”

“Yeah?” You hum, brushing a hand through his hair to get a stray curl out of his face.

“Thank you. For staying,” He clarifies, speaking into your stomach because he doesn’t know if he can look you in the eye, “And forgiving me.”

“I love you, Billy.” You hope he realizes that that’s your answer, that’s why you stayed, that’s why you forgave him, and you feel him smile into the skin of your stomach through your shirt. You think he got your message, “I’ll always stay.”

reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated! your feedback motivates me to write more, so thank you for your support :-)

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove imagine #billy hargrove fanfiction #billy hargrove angst #billy hargrove fanfic #billy hargrove fic #billy hargrove blurb #billy hargrove drabble #billy hargrove oneshot #billy hargrove x you #billy hargrove x y/n #billy hargrove x reader fanfiction #billy hargrove fluff

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bitethedevil · 7 months ago

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How do you think your take on Raphael differs from other fandom favourites? What is your “brand of Raphael?”

Oooh interesting question. I don’t really know how he’s different from other writers’ version of him. I try my hardest not to compare my own writing too much to others. I can say how I interpret him though. I’ll go through a couple of points of how I see him:

Soft!Raphael or Dark!Raphael

I get a lot of Soft!Raphael recommendations in my inbox. There’s nothing wrong with that. I love reading Soft!Raphael, but it just doesn’t fit my own personal interpretation of him. I have written countless of character analyses on this man and my brand of Raphael just isn’t that soft. I think he is capable of being soft, but it’s performative and there is always a purpose with it or a goal to achieve.

He does not love. He wants someone to love him, but he cannot give it in the way that we understand it. He can obsess though. His love is that feeling when your crush finally gives you positive attention. That thrill that you can almost get high on that you want to seek again and again. That thought that there is a chance that they will one day be yours, that need for them to one day be yours. That's him.

The feeling of laying in bed, looking at someone and feeling that warmth inside you and the feeling of wanting to protect them at any cost, is not him. He might want to protect his ‘loved one’ but it will be for purely selfish reasons. It is more akin to wanting to protect an asset of yours so others can’t take it from you.

It’s ownership, it’s obsession. There is also a game behind it. He wants to see how much he can push someone to see how loyal they are, and he does not care that he might hurt the other person in the process.

He can imitate love though! He can create the perfect picture of a loving relationship if he wants to, but it is a façade to keep you as his. He is a Venus flytrap, that lures you in with its sweet petals and when you fall for it, they close around you so he can devour you. He is capable of being romantic and doing loving gestures, but it is not instinct for him and there is always a goal behind it.

Good/Evil

I don’t believe he is evil (hear me out). I don’t believe anyone is evil ‘just because’. I don’t really believe in evil characters in media, not when I consume media and not when I write it. I’m not blind and I know he is a Literal Devil, but I am just not wired that way. I grew up with theater. There are no evil characters, just characters who might have a fucked-up motivations for whatever reasons.

Raphael does do things that are morally considered evil, there is absolutely no doubt about it. However, when analyzing him and writing him, I try to refrain from writing him as such. The fact that he is considered evil without question in that universe is always taken into consideration though.

Raphael needs to fit into the Hells, and he is already on the back foot when it comes to that, because he is a cambion. I’m not saying he doesn’t enjoy doing what he does, he obviously does, I’m just saying that there is a reason for it.

Even those who are fully devils literally thinks they are doing the right thing. They think that they are protecting the rest of the realms from demons through the Blood War, and they will do everything to do so. That includes doing a lot of straight up heinous shit.

I’m just saying that judging him from ‘mortal’ standards is a bit of a lost battle. He isn’t a mortal. He isn’t quite a devil either, though that is the role he definitely prefers between the two. I just think a lot of nuances are lost if you just boil it down to “well he does (insert thing that is morally wrong from human standards) so he is evil”.

I think that is also generally why I usually refrain from the ‘opposites attract’ trope, because it very often is the typical metaphorical angel/classic hero vs literal devil/classic villain. Those stories are fun! I love to read them, but I don’t like writing them. It doesn’t interest me.

It is much more interesting for me to put him with someone ‘normal’ or morally grey, because there is something so deliciously fucked by a person slowly realizing that they actually have a lot in common with someone who is considered the embodiment of evil. They might also begin to understand his motivations and why he is as he is, and that’s almost even worse because that means the evil can be rationalized and understood (understood being the keyword, not forgiven, which is important to point out). Then it becomes a dance between humanizing him and demonizing him for how he really is.

There are humanizing qualities to be found in him, and there are definitely demonizing qualities to be found in him as well, which I find interesting. It’s a ‘what’s normal to a spider is chaos for the fly’-kind of thing for me, if that even makes sense? There is purpose to his ‘evil’ and yes, he does enjoy it, but there is much more to it.

“The Game”/His performativity

Everything is a performance, and though he never lies, it is difficult to know what he is actually thinking behind that wall of theatrics. It’s one big game to him of making you believe in the performance, and I think that is where he really thrives.

Though what is interesting is what hides behind the performance and the few times one might catch him in a moment of being genuine. That is what I love to work with when I write him. Because he keeps a diary, and we know from that diary that there are definitely some insecurities that he would never reveal to anyone (such as his nightmare about Tav and gang).

He is an arrogant bastard, but I truly think he is hiding mountains of insecurities behind it (and of course. Why wouldn’t he be? As a cambion, he isn’t really accepted by neither devils nor mortals, though he is both). Though you would never know it from how he acts, this man is no stranger to fear. It also makes perfect sense. He would not have survived in the Hells as a cambion, if he did not have a good sense of self-preservation.

‘He only ever sleeps with himself’, yes, well, doesn’t that also seem wonderfully safe and known? There is more behind his selfishness and ego. He does not let people in if he can avoid it. Cambions are often solitary by nature. I’ve mentioned this before. He might make deals with people, and he sees other people constantly, but never anyone he lets in, and he does not let them get too close.

Haarlep says he can’t deny them anything, but I don’t even truly believe that he has let Haarlep in completely. The man keeps his cards so close to his chest and one of the reasons for that is to not show weaknesses, because that is what he has had to do to survive and succeed.

What a lonely existence that must be, when one considers that there might be a human part of him that longs for that acceptance and closeness. He might not be able to love in the way that we do, but devils can long for it. Even more so when a part of him is human.

(Thank you for the ask <3 really cool question)

#I can never just keep things short can I? lol #raphael bg3 #raphael the cambion #bg3 raphael #baldur's gate 3 #bg3

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supervisormeero · 14 days ago

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Syril Appreciation, Part 2: On Syril Karn & Redemption

It's still Syril Appreciation Day (SAD) over at @andorshitdaily, so I'm going to go ahead and create yet another lengthy text post about one of the saddest, most pathetic men in Star Wars. The reason for this is that my other lengthy text post about one of the saddest, most pathetic men in Star Wars would've been too long if I'd continued it, so now I'm posting two lengthy text posts. When they're combined, they'll create a whole novel. Anyway—

I've heard and been part of a lot of discussion over hiatus about the subject of Syril Karn getting a "redemption arc," and whether or not turning Rebel is his ultimate destiny in Season 2. As I said in my other post, I'm 50-50 on it. Over the years, Star Wars has conditioned many of us to believe that the "less evil" or "conflicted" Imperials have a shot at turning good. Frequently, they do. We've seen those storylines play out over and over again, perhaps most notably when placed in direct parallel to Syril, with Alexsandr Kallus. We aren't set up to believe Dedra might switch sides, because the writing paints her as unrepentantly devoted to the mission and everything it calls for. The writers call out, through Bix, that Dedra enjoys the darker aspects of her work. She revels in the torture, the arrogantly delivered threats, and the bleeding Rebels dry. In that way, we are told — without being told — that Dedra won't turn from her path. She's Imperial, through and through. Her sole mission is to save the Empire from itself, and she'll do so by any means necessary.

In contrast, because Season 1 spends so much time devoting itself to showing Syril's turmoil and pain in his home life, we don't get that with him. We know he's Imperial because, obviously, he's made it his life's mission to rise through the Imperial ranks. We see him desperate and striving for more, determined to get into the ISB, yearning to assist Dedra in her investigation into Axis and Cassian Andor. The writing makes no secret of the fact that Syril Karn is a man with ambitions, and those ambitions are Imperial. It also continually highlights his connection with Dedra, whatever direction that's destined to take; the first official image we got of him in Season 2 is him meeting with her in the ISB conference room. So, while Season 1 does unflinchingly frame Syril as Imperial, it holds back on framing him as devoted to everything the Empire stands for. It doesn't frame him as approving or supportive of Imperial violence or torture, as it does for Dedra.

What does this mean for his future, and his chances of redemption? It depends on which path the writers choose to take with his character, I think. On one hand, because Syril's not been exposed to the "darker" side of the Empire (at least that we know of), he might be in for a rude awakening over the next five years. We see him believing fully in the Empire because the Empire is law, and his central guiding principle seems to be that law and order are always true, that justice is always just, and that if everyone followed the rules, there would be no trouble in the galaxy. We, as viewers, know this is incorrect... but at this point, Syril doesn't seem to. Throughout the next five years in his story, either through gaining an understanding of what Dedra actually does for the Empire or through time spent on Ghorman before the massacre, it's possible he will come to question some of his beliefs. Is it really just to execute a crowd of peaceful protestors? Is the use of Gorst's recordings ever justifiable, from a moral sense? If Syril sat in on one of Dedra's interrogations and saw the agony and terror in that poor Rebel's eyes, would he still hold her up as his beacon of light and hope?

At this point, we don't know. The biggest tally in the "redemption arc" column is, in my opinion, that Syril's main motivation isn't necessarily getting promoted and rising to the top of the Imperial ladder: it's being loved. That's where he differs from Dedra. Where she only wants complete order and (potentially) power, he wants someone to believe in him and tell him he's done a good job — he never got that unconditional affection from Eedy, and he's still searching for it in the only way he knows how: by being good at his job. Will he eventually realize he can't find that within the Imperial structure and turn to join the Rebels? Potentially. It's also possible he keeps searching for it within the Empire to the point where that endless search dooms him, and he never understands that the Empire is indifferent to him until it's too late for him to do anything but die in its service. If his Imperial beliefs are too engrained in him, it's possible he really will think that what Dedra does is for the greater good, and that what we know will happen on Ghorman needed to happen.

If that's the case, though, and he's never meant to be conflicted, why bother sending him to Ghorman? The fact that he's seemingly being set up to spend significant time on the planet leads me to believe we'll at least see him grapple with his Imperial faith and devotion to Dedra — otherwise, he could've stayed on Coruscant. That said, I'm not necessarily a complete believer in him turning around and helping the Rebels, either; I don't know that I can see him following Kallus' route. Perhaps if he has a vaguely similar trajectory to Lieutenant Gorn and the Ghorman people show him kindness only for him to watch in horror as they're all killed in front of him, he could "lose his taste for the Empire." I've also wondered, based on a prediction of @hegodamask's, whether he might play a role in Lonni's execution only to then find that, whoopsie, Lonni had a family, and that sits heavily on Syril's conscience. Or both of those things happen. There's more than enough time in a 12-episode season.

My ultimate prediction is that if Syril lives to see the show's final arc and doesn't die on Ghorman, we might see him step back from all of it and side with neither the Empire nor the Rebellion. Just because he doesn't believe in the Empire doesn't mean he'll support the Rebels. I could see him losing faith in all of it to the point where, in his final episode, he comes face-to-face with Cassian again... and he lets him go. @hegodamask also had the thought that he might get promoted post-Ghorman to a supervisory role within the ISB, thus getting what he'd always wanted, only to find it hollow now after he's seen what the Empire stands for. I guess he could also die a last-minute redemptive death, although I'd really rather he didn't. I think Andor will treat him with more complexity than that.

So, do I think Syril will be 100% redeemed? I think it's more complicated than that. Star Wars has a habit of "redeeming" its villains, and if Syril descends farther and farther into the Empire as Cassian commits to the Rebellion, a no-redemption storyline could make sense. It could also be oddly fresh, considering the sheer number of redeemed Imperials in this franchise. Regardless, I trust Tony Gilroy and his writing team, and I'm looking forward to seeing how Syril's story ends.

I'd prefer it if he didn't die, though. The galaxy needs those pretty blue eyes.

#syril karn #syrilposting #andor #if anyone reads to the end of this you deserve a gold star for real #I just had too many thoughts and what better day to post them?

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nevesmose · 9 months ago

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I don't know anywhere near enough about Sanguinius to metaphorically crochet him into a little finger puppet for my primarch fics but how about a little baseless speculation about him and Fulgrim? Please note that this is all based on how I view them in the universe of my silly little stories and is in no way a claim about knowing how they are in canon / lore.

I would probably a) portray Sanguinius as a genuinely sweet adorable cinnamon roll too precious for this world and b) have Fulgrim utterly loathe him because of this.

I tend to write Fulgrim as being a pleasant and charming person who, deep down, is about 50% a deeply broken overthinking ultra-perfectionist and 50% really jealous and vindictive. Please understand that this isn't me saying he's just evil and always was because it really really isn't. It's entirely possible for someone with these traits to function perfectly well in society and not be a bad person in any meaningful sense.

However.

One of his formative experiences as a primarch was almost losing his entire legion due to the Blight corrupted geneseed that almost wiped them out right at the start.

He had to build them up himself from nothing with the constant threat of annihilation both in the sense that "if I fuck up a war and lose however-many thousand Astartes in a terrible accident on the double-ended dildo planet I have no reserves or replacements" and also "every use of our geneseed is a gamble against the horrific mutation coming back and destroying us all over again". In that context the solution he turns to, and the only one that probably makes sense based on his prior experience on Chemos, is perfection.

Make no mistakes, ever, anywhere, because the cost of failure is incalculable, even if it means committing science-treason so you can purge all weakness from your own space dudes. It's not a desire for perfection based on arrogance, although he is of course immensely arrogant in a lot of ways, but one motivated deep down by fear.

People like to clown on Fulgrim based on Jaghatai's infamous "I hear you do strange things to your warriors 😂👌" sick burn, but to be honest, viewed from his context, what Fulgrim's doing is somewhat understandable.

That is if we assume that the Khan isn't just making a cheap insult but rather is implying he knows a lot more than would be preferable about Fabius dicking around with Astartes genetics in order to detect and eliminate carriers of the corrupted gene-seed so that the III Legion, one of the smallest of all numerically, can still survive. And then a lot of other things too because, like Fabius could believably say in one of the weirder McNeill stories, forbidden science is akin to the ancient Terran delicacy known as Pringles. Once you pop you can't stop.

With that in mind it feels like a lot of Fulgrim's post-heresy actions, not just the snake orgies but the general distance and lack of care for his sons, comes from revelling in just finally being free of that level of stress and pressure weighing down on him at all times. Even Perturabo doesn't withdraw from the Iron Warriors that much and he's a dick.

Anyway, back to pre-heresy days. He has all this going on and then in comes Sanguinius with his giant fucking angel wings who everyone loves and who turned his legion into One Direction (not really but you know... perceptions vs reality and no one in this setting actually communicates with one another since they'd probably have a lot in common regarding fears of being mutants etc)

It's the kind of thing that I think would feel like a dagger in the heart to someone like Fulgrim. Directly highlighting and literally embodying all of his fears about mutation and imperfection and yet somehow appearing to get away with it while he has to exercise constant control and do horrible things simply in order for his legion to exist.

So for that reason I think he would absolutely hate Sangy and do everything he could to undermine him.

"Oh no, brother! I've accidentally spilled this entire Big Gulp cup of bright red Tizcan wine all over your beautiful white wings, and only moments before you were due to make a speech to ten million people about how wonderful the Imperium is! Let me help you clean it up."

And then he pulls out a Looney Tunes sized bottle labelled Fabius's Finest Molt-O-Matic Guaranteed Feather Remover and starts spraying it on him.

#he had the Big Gulp cup brought all the way from an ancient Terran dig site just so he could spill as much liquid as possible at one time #fulgrimposting #fulgrim #neves rambles #wh40k #warhammer 40k #warhammer 40000 #horus heresy

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a-romantics-guide-to-life · 4 months ago

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⋆ ₊☽˚𝓵𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓮𝓭 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝓵𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓼˚☾₊ ⋆

𝓼𝓾𝓶𝓶𝓪𝓻𝔂 : you and coryo had gone through hell and back, you've been together and far apart yet you could never find the courage to say how you truly feel for him. so, you wrote them into letter form, but you never sent them. and so what happens when one mr. snow finds each and every letter only to realize that it's too late?

𝓽𝓻𝓲𝓰𝓰𝓮𝓻 𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 : written in letter form from the readers perspective, talks of jealousy and sad feelings, r is definitely from the capitol, self blame, kinda sorta depression, angst, deceit, suicide, coryo finally responds

𝓪/𝓷 : so here’s part three!! I’m ngl I cried writing this and I KNOW people were asking for a happy ending but I’m just gonna tell y’all now that this is angst NO/VERY LITTLE COMFORT! I just had to do it so here ya go! enjoy 😊!

𝓹𝓻𝓮𝓿𝓲𝓸𝓾𝓼 𝓹𝓪𝓻𝓽 | 𝓷𝓮𝔁𝓽 𝓹𝓪𝓻𝓽

⋆ ₊ ☽ ·˚𓍲⋆ 𝓹𝓪𝓻𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓻𝓮𝓮: 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓭𝓮𝓯𝓮𝓪𝓽𝓮𝓭 ⋆𓍲˚· ☾ ₊ ⋆ Dear Coriolanus,

Time ticks on and on as does life; but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt and it certainly doesn't mean that pain fades away with each passing day.

I heard from Mrs.Plinth that Sejanus was killed out in the districts. It must be so saddening knowing that your young son who had his whole life ahead of him died out in the districts all by himself.

I wonder if you saw him die, what were his last words?

Mrs.Plinth didn’t share much only saying that it was out in the districts and that she was very grateful that you were there for him.

Yet it also hurts knowing that you upended the trajectory of your life all for Lucy Gray.

What could she give you that I couldn’t?

People experience pain in such different ways. I remember when you got a cut when we were climbing trees in my backyard and you were stone faced acting like you were okay when I knew you weren’t. You hate blood and you especially hate pain and I know that.

All of us do really, I too was only eight when the war ended. We all went through the pain of hunger every single day, some even committed heinous acts to survive that will haunt them forever.

Some cower in terror and pain yet some rise above the pain. Some use that pain and anguish as a motivator to push forward and persevere.

Like you.

You know me, the runt of the litter. The forgotten one. Yet not by you, I know you would never forget me.

Just like I’ll never forget you.

Which is why it hurts so much to know that you still chose Lucy Gray over me. It still kills me when I think about my best friend, my first and forever love, who I’ve been through so much with choose a girl he’s just met over someone who's been on your side since day one.

What did I do wrong? Was it something I said? What could she have that I don’t?

Life has quieted down I guess, school is the same old same old, just the same boring day one after another. The Capitol just seems so dreary and dull, there is constant gloom plaguing the sky.

I like to think it’s because you’re not here. My sun, my moon illuminating the dark dark sky, shining brightly amongst the stars that have long burned out.

I really do miss you Coryo,

Yours Truly

Coriolanus,

I heard from Tigiris you’re finally on your way home.

Is Lucy Gray with you?

I wonder if she’s holding your hand at the very second, comforting you about coming back to the home you call hell. Have you told her about your life in the Capitol, I wonder?

Is she truly your home now, Coriolanus?

It seems everyone around me is finding what their lives were missing. Money, power, glory. Yet there is this hole in my heart and my life in the shape of you.

I will never find home.

Many people say that home is where the heart is or that home is a person or idea rather than a physical place and they’re right.

Because my home will forever be you, Coriolanus.

And it rips my chest apart to know that I will never be able to go home because a pretty little bird has decided to peck her way into my home and build a fragile little nest. It hurts even more to know that you protected that nest.

Are there little birdies tweeting in that nest now?

I wonder if you have Sejanus’ stuff. You really were that boy's best friend, you know that Coriolanus?

Just like how you were my best friend. Before the war, before Celmensia, before Sejanus, before Lucy Gray.

But hey, you’re finally on the way back to the Capitol, right?

You’re finally coming back home to me.

I truly do hope I am the first one you call.

Love,

Your Darling awaiting your call

To Coriolanus Snow,

My grave has been long set for I dug it. I have made my bed now, I must lie in it.

By the time you read this I will have already been long dead. The ache in my chest drove me to it, the numbing hole that consumed my being was no longer tolerable.

My head was drowning in anger, sadness, love. All for you my dearest Coriolanus.

I find myself writing as if there is tomorrow yet I truly do know that there won’t be a future for me.

I’ve reread every single unsent letter I have written for you and the gaping hole in my chest grows larger with every word I read for I know deep in my soul that I will never be able to go back in time and tell myself that it’s all worth it because I’m ow that it isn’t.

It’s ruining my life, Coriolanus, please do not think less of me for it.

My body has been battered and bruised all my by my hand, my mind plaguing my sanity, my memories, with fields of death and despair. I find now that I find solace and comfort in the thought.

I have dropped out of school, not that anyone would have noticed. I stopped sketching too, you know. It’s just that whenever my pencil touches the page all my hand seems to be able to draw is your face. My sketchbook has been filled with sketches of your face, your eyes, you at that reaping ceremony, you when you went to visit Lucy Gray in the Capitol zoo. All you.

I cant take it anymore Coryo, my heart can’t take it anymore.

My mind is plagued with images of your beautiful face, your smug smiles, your laughs where you hide those gorgeous hydrangea blue eyes of yours, the look on your face when I hugged you for the last time.

I replay that moment in my head, constantly. I seemingly can’t stop thinking back on that moment and think about what I could have said or could have given you to make you stay.

I would have done anything to have you stay, to have you be mine.

To have you love me back.

It’s a fickle thing, love. Fragile, yet powerful. It can make one go mad yet it can also ground you. It can drive you to murder for someone yet it can also motivate you to step in front of a bullet for someone.

It can also motivate you to live or cause you to die.

Some find love a nessecity to live while some find it the reason for their demise.

My dearest Coriolanus, I’m so terribly sorry. Yet I cannot help but akin love to a hardship. A pain, a pain that no matter how many dates I go on or how many men I flirt with that this pain will not go away.

I really tried, Coryo, I really did. I tried so hard to move on, to love someone else even when I know a hole is where my heart is and you and only you hold that missing piece.

I love you Coriolanus Snow.

I love you Coryo.

I love you.

I’ve loved you every minute of every single day of every single month of every single year ever since we were young. It may have been youthful play love but it shifted as the moons do.

I love you in every memory, every letter, and every dream that we meet. I love you in every minute and my love will forever live on in the velvety petals of pure white roses and pillowy hydrangeas.

I’ll love you, no matter what, every day, every hour, every minute, every year, for the rest of my life.

I’ll forever love you, even when I’m no longer here.

I forgive you my love, forever and always.

My only hope that you’ll forgive me.

My last wish is that you finally receive all those letters I wrote to you as a naive and young girl and look back that even now, I’m still me.

I’ll love you forever,

Your Dearest Darling Dead

tagging! @lonely-dreamer

thanks so much for the support and love on this series, it really does mean a lot to me and I hope to see you on the epilogue!

#coriolanus snow #coryo snow #coriolanus x reader #tom blyth #tom blyth x reader #letters #the hunger games #tbosas #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #thg #emi sanity

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gojos-thot-patrol · 1 year ago

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hiiii i learned your name Aiden!!! How are you? Hallow i’m the sugu angst anon, sadly not asking for angst because poor sugu need a break and i love him so much so he deserves the whole world, i wanna thank you for writing my requests 🫶

and if you wanna consider 👀 perhaps an au where sugu didn’t spiral into the whole monkeys thing and so he is a teacher just like satoru? and he’s dating reader whose also a teacher, and they’re in a secret relationship that got revealed and gojo feels betrayed LMAO, anddd that’s all, hope you’re doing great! 🫶

Angsty Anon, how are you!? I love your requests, it's always a pleasure to write for you 💙💙 and yeah, I'm Aiden! I'm only now realizing I've never properly introduced myself on here, so, I guess this is my official introduction lol. And of course, I would love to consider Sugu as a teacher, that's so cute!

Now Loading...

Starring Suguru Geto, in a slightly softer world.

Have you ever heard of the multiverse theory? It gets switched around and misinterpreted a lot, but the basic premise of it is that for every possible outcome, there is a universe that follows it. So, for example, if you're on a walk one morning, and come across a fork in the road, you may choose the left path. When you do this, another universe is created in which you choose the right path, and yet another still where you didn't go on any walk at all.

As such, this implies that there are some fundamental truths across all universes. Every universe you encounter will have stars in the sky, and a force of gravity will keep everyone down. You won't find a universe where atoms aren't the building blocks of life. You won't find a universe that doesn't have a sun in its center. And you won't find a universe where Suguru Geto is a morning person.

He all but yells into his pillow as his alarm sounds off at 5:45 AM. He considers violence, a possible war crime against his phone for committing the egregious sin of waking him up before the sun is even up. He considers aggressively turning the alarm off and going back to sleep, letting the world continue on without him as he becomes one with his comforter.

And in the end he does none of it. He turns his alarm off like a normal person, and forces himself out of bed at the truly ungodly hour of 5:45 AM. Why you ask? Because class starts at 7 AM, and the kids he teaches are relying on him to show up and be a model jujutsu sorcerer, just like they are for all of the other teachers at Jujutsu High. And just as it is a fundamental truth that Suguru Geto is not a morning person, it's a fundamental truth that he would do absolutely anything for those he loves. And Suguru loves all of those kids, even if they can get a little annoying at times.

He’s falling asleep while brushing his teeth when he gets his first text of the day from you. A short and sweet “Good morning sweetie 💜” to give him the motivation to push through his morning routine.

He sends “Good morning to you too Darling 🖤” to you while smiling, finishing up brushing his teeth before mentally preparing himself for the arctic plunge of a shower he’s about to take to finish waking himself up.

Once he’s dressed and as awake as he’s going to be at 6:00 AM, he goes to check on Nanako and Mimiko out of habit. Of course, he finds their shared room empty, considering they moved into the dorms a week ago when school started.

“Right.” He grumbled to himself, shaking his head. At this point, it feels like he’ll never get used to them not being around. He wondered how Satoru adapted so quickly when Megumi moved into the dorms. Then again, Satoru seemed to be made for adaptation, meanwhile, Suguru had always struggled more with change.

Before he could get too lost in his thoughts, A car horn blared through the quiet suburb. “What is he-?!” Suguru snapped at the air before rushing outside and into his friends car.

“What the hell are you doing Satoru?!” He asked, suddenly very awake.

“Letting you know I’m here.” Gojo smiled as he pulled out of Sugurus drive way and onto the road.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but could you not have just texted me?” Suguru grumbled, “You’re going to wake up the entire neighborhood!”

“My phones dead.” Satoru shrugged. He had a habit of passing out while scrolling tik tok and forgetting to put his phone on the charger.

“And I suppose knocking on my door was out of the question?” Suguru asked. Gojo clearly did not see the issue with violating air pollution laws, and it was starting to irk him.

“In the rain? No way dude!” He laughed. It was at this point Geto looked out the window. Well shit, it was raining. He was so focused on just getting to the car he managed to miss it.

“It’s like, barely raining.” He argued with his friend. The white haired main beside him just shrugged.

“Hey man, you’re lucky I give you a ride at all,” Gojo reminded him, “I could just teleport to school.” Suguru would have tried to argue with that, but he knew better than to enter an argument on the losing side. He just sighed and shook his head.

“Whatever man….thanks for the ride.” He added at the end.

“You’re welcome!” Gojo smiled. Suguru sighed as he got comfortable in the seat, leaning against the window. The main reason he got rides from Gojo was so he could take a nap on the way to the school. It was a long drive, and the thirty minutes he spent passed out in Gojos car went a long way to making him not an asshole to his class in the morning. It felt like his eyes had been closed for all of two seconds before Satrou was waking him up, letting him know they had made it to their destination.

“Good morning Geto, good morning Gojo!” You greeted the men as they joined you in the teachers lounge. Suguru smiled warmly when he saw your face, familiar and bright, even at 6:30 in the morning.

“Good morning L/n.” Geto yawned as he rushed to the coffee pot in the room, still half full.

“Morning L/n!” Satoru beamed as he sat next to you. Normally, the three of you were on a first name basis, but a professional setting calls for professional dialect. “So, you two do anything fun on your weekend?” Gojo asked. Geto looked at you from the corner of his eyes, seeing how you handled this situation. You would have stolen a glance at him, but Gojo would have definitely noticed that.

“Eh, not much really,” You shrugged, “I went and visited my parents, and mostly just tried to catch up on reading.” That was definitely, 100% not what you were doing this weekend. In actuality, you had spent the entire weekend with Suguru. The two of you had seen a movie, checked out his favorite soba shop, and spent the vast majority of the time cuddled in his bed watching horror movies to get ready for ‘spooky season’ despite the fact in was, indeed, April.

But you couldn’t say any of that to Gojo. You and Suguru were co-workers, your romantic relationship wasn’t just discouraged and taboo- the employee handbook strictly forbid it. As much as the two of you wanted to tell your shared best friend about the beautiful relationship you’d found, you couldn’t. Mostly cause Satoru couldn’t keep a secret to save his ass.

“Cool! What about you Suguru?” Gojo smiled as he looked to his best friend, deciding for now that professional language was for the birds.

“Eh, I mostly stayed in. I re-watched the scream movies.” He shrugged as he drank his black coffee.

“Isn’t it kinda early to be watching horror movies? Or, I guess late?” Gojo asked.

“It is never too early for spooky movies.” You said, jumping to Getos defense maayybe just a little too quickly. Gojo raised his eyebrows at you.

“So I see were feeling a little defensive.” He pointed out.

“Not defensive, I’m just saying. It’s always horror movie time if you’re not a coward.”

“Hey, I-”

“Uhh, Sensei?” Itadori asked as he popped his head into the door. Immediately all attention went to him, and silently, you thanked the pink haired boy for saving your ass.

“Hey Itadori! What’s up?” Gojo asked, all smiles for his student.

“I could really use your help with the algebra assignment from last night,” Itadori explained, “I don’t think I really grasp…well numbers.” He explained. Gojo chuckled and shook his head, but didn’t argue cause he, like Geto, knew better than to argue with the truth.

“Yeah Kid, no problem. Let’s go to the classroom.” Satoru said, getting up and letting Itadori lead the way. There was a heavy silence that filled the room after, both of you listing to Satoru’s footsteps until they vanished. Once they were gone, you both let out a deep breath.

“Well that could have gone worse.” Suguru chuckled softly.

“Yeah, that was my bad,” You sighed, “I swear, he looks into the littlest of things.”

“That’s Satoru.” Suguru confirmed with a nod, “Always suspicious of something. Somethings never change.” He shrugged. You looked around, making sure the coast we clear before standing up to give Suguru a quick hug.

“Ain’t that the truth.” You chuckled. Suguru smiled as he held you close, his mind wondering off to the other things that never seemed to change. The school, sorcerer society as a whole, the way he felt for you- even all the way back in high school. He had a crush on you even before you saved him, and it only intensified after.

Of course, as far as you’re concerned you didn’t save anyone that day in the graveyard. You just talked some sense into an old friend. You would never know just how close to the edge Suguru was that day. How could you? All you knew was that his faith was shaken, and he needed some reassurance.

He could still go back to that afternoon in his mind like replaying a movie. He could still see the gray skies of fall, heavy with dark clouds. He could still smell the rain water and grave dirt hanging in the air. And could still sense the confusion he felt when you brought him to your best friends grave. He had never met the girl, she had died to a curse long before you enrolled in Jujutsu High. So why were you bringing him here now?

“This is where my friend lies,” You explained to him what he already knew. “It’s been a few years now, but I still think of her every day.”

“I’m sorry for your loss Y/n.” He said the only think he knew to say.

“Suguru, why are you a Jujutsu Sorcerer?” You asked, suddenly looking at him with overly intense eyes that made him feel so small. Why did he was he a Jujutsu Sorcerer? He didn’t fucking know! Especially not anymore. He used to know. But, he lost that direction. After Riko died. After Haibara died. He didn’t know what the point to any of this was anymore.

“Why are you a Jujutsu Sorcerer?” He asked back, not so smoothly dodging the question. You just pointed at the grave.

“For her. And for you, and for Riko and Haibara. For everyone I have loved and will love, I do it to protect them.” You explained it as if it was just that easy. And maybe it was. For you.

“How are we protecting them exactly?” He asked, eyes narrowing in suspicion, “Please, tell me just how exactly we protected Riko and Haibara?” He questioned.

“We protect them in death.” You shrugged, “Honor what they would have wanted. Do you really think Riko would want you to waste the life she so desperately wanted because of her death? Do you think Haibara would have wanted you to throw away all of your potential because some higher ups fucked him over? Or do you think they would want you to live your life to the fullest, and work hard to see that potential fulfilled?”

“I think they would want us to fight for a fundamental change in the system. For a world without curses.”

“Suguru, you and I both know that’s not possible.”

“But it is,” He argued, saying things out loud he had only thought up until now, “Humans are the only ones to produce curses, you know.”

“So what? You’re just going to kill all humans?” You scoffed at the absurdity of the idea, and he genuinely felt a little embarrassed. “What would that fix?”

“Well, there would be no curses, for one.” He pointed out.

“And what would that achieve?”

“We wouldn’t have to watch our friends and family die at the hands of disgusting curses!” He argued, frustrated that you couldn’t see his vision.

“No, we would just have to watch them die at the hands of other sorcerers, right?” You pointed out. “A world without curses doesn’t fix the cruelty that created them. Curses aren’t what killed Riko, and removing them won’t bring back Haibara.”

“No, Humans killed Riko.” He could still hear that god forsaken cult, clapping away as if a little girl hadn’t just been slaughtered. No, worse. Clapping away because a little girl had just been slaughtered. It was all he could hear late at night. You sighed and nodded.

“That's true. She was killed by a human, who was raised by sorcerers.”

“So are you trying to argue that actually sorcerers are the root of all evil?”

“No Suguru, I’m trying to argue that there is no “Root of all evil.” That it’s all just beings that exist. There are bad humans, of course. Just like how there are bad sorcerers. Everything that exists exists with some good and some bad. You can’t just fix the world with one final, fucked up solution.”

“I just don’t see the point in trying to save people who historically treat us like were fucking disposable!” Suguru snapped, hating that it was starting to seem really hopeless. Were you right? Was there really nothing he could do?

“Sugu, I think you’re getting caught in the details. You’re not seeing the forest for the trees.” You sighed. “ Yes, the Star Cult was full of the most fowl people. And yeah, a lot of humans do treat us like shit. But there are just as many humans who are kind to us. Humans who see their children's cursed techniques as blessings, not curses. Humans willing to die if it means being there for the sorcerers they love and standing by them. Humans like your parents, and my best friend. Humans that are worth protecting.”

“So we have to protect them all just because a few are good?”

“Would you protect a bad person to save me?” You asked. He hadn’t really thought of it like that. It was a moral question he wasn’t ready for, and struggled to find an answer to.

“I mean, I guess I would.” He finally said.

“Exactly. That’s kinda the point of Jujutsu Sorcery for me. It’s not to protect the world- that’s too monumental of a task even for Satoru Gojo. It’s to protect the ones I love and care for.”

“And what about when we can’t protect them?” He could feel the tears prickle as his eyes now, a stinging that demanded attention. He rubbed his eyes in a futile attempt to make it go away.

“Then I live to honor them, in a way I think would make them proud. I understand where you’re coming from. Heartache is a hell of a thing to battle, and witnessing a young death changes a person. But, continuing to perpetuate that hurt, won’t make it go away. Especially when it comes to such grandiose ideas like “kill all humans!” it doesn’t fix anything. It just hurts the people around you, both with us and departed. I mean, is slaughtering a billion strangers really worth ruining the people closest to you? The ones who love you? Please, don’t let your hate kill you Suguru.”

He didn’t know what to say. But that line rang in his ears. Please, don’t let your hate kill you Suguru. It drowned out the clapping in his mind. Please, don’t let your hate kill you Suguru. It played louder than Yuki telling him that humans were the only ones to create curses, and that he knew what he believed. Please, don’t let your hate kill you Suguru. And it was what was playing in his ears as he stared at two kids in a cage. Scared, alone, neglected. He felt it then, his hate rise up like bile in his throat, threatening to slaughter him. Please, don’t let your hate kill you Suguru. Please, don’t let your hate kill you Suguru.

He took a minuet to breathe. Was killing this village really going to do anything? It would feel good, yeah- righteous even. But there were a million more like it. And he couldn’t single handedly slaughter them all. Not without hurting You, Gojo, Shoko, Riko, Haibara, and his own mother all in the process. Were a billion strangers worth the people he loved?

“You know, if you don’t want these girls in the village, there’s a better way to handle it.” That night he adopted Nanako and Mimiko. Sure, he may not be able to save every Jujutsu Sorcerer in the world. But at least he could save these two. A few weeks later, that village burned to the dirt in a forest fire, so maybe karma was real.

The bell ringing broke his train of thought, and snapped him back to the real world. You smiled as you gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “See you at lunch!” You winked to him as you grabbed your bag and made your way to your classroom. He smiled softly as he watched you go.

“Yeah, see you then.” He said, making his way to his own classroom.

Suguru swore up and down his class wasn’t hard. It was classical literature, if ya just read the book, and did the assignments, he was pretty generous with the A’s. It was why conversations like this were always at least mildly amusing to him.

“I just don’t understand why you’re being to difficult about this” Nobara argued, “It’s just a few points!”

“Nobara, rounding from a C to an A is not a few points. It’s an entire letter grade.” He gently reminded her.

“Yeah, and what’s an entire letter grade if not just a few points?” She argued back. He sighed and rubbed his temples. Nobara had always been a forced to be reckoned with, and was always determined to get what she wanted.

“Look, Nobara, I’ll compromise with you. You know the big report we have coming up on Fires on the Plain?”

“I do.” She confirmed.

“If you do really well on it, And I mean really well, I need you to make at least an A on it- I’ll bump your grade to a B+” That was where her grade would be at anyway if she made an A on the report, “Sound good?” Nobora grinned like she got away with something.

“Oh yeah, I could do that in my sleep!” She declared, and Suguru had to hold back a laugh, “You’re on Sensei!” She grinned, muttering a soft ‘sucker’ under her breath as she left the room. Once she was gone, Suguru let his chuckle out. It was always fun tricking his students into accidentally taking their studies serious.

“Whats got you giggling?” You asked from his doorway, a small smile creeping onto your lips from the sound of his light laughter.

“Oh, nothing,” He said with a wave of his hand, “Just my students thinking they’re gaming the system by-” He pretended to check his notes- “Doing the work.”

“Let me guess, Nobara?”

“It was Nobara.” He confirmed, and you both let out a small giggle. You walked into his classroom and leaned against his desk facing him.

“Very on brand for her. So, have you thought about dinner tonight?” You asked. He smiled and nodded, getting out of his chair to come and wrap his arms around your waist. Was it risky? Kind of, everyone was out to lunch, sure, but that didn’t mean that you two weren’t out in the open. He couldn’t help it though. Whenever you were around, he had to have his arms around you. He didn’t spend almost 6 years chasing your affections to not hold you whenever he could.

“I have actually,” He smiled, “I thought we could cook something together tonight? I found a new pork belly recipe that seemed right up your ally.”

“Oooo, another night in! How exciting!” You giggled. And you meant it too. While to most people, a night in was a boring everyday thing, Jujutsu Sorcerers weren’t blessed with the luxury of having a night at home promised to them. They weren’t even guaranteed the simple pleasure of coming home at night. So, a night in to the two of you was fun, exciting, and unquantifiably valuable.

“I thought you’d be excited,” He smiled lovingly at you. You look so precious in his arms. He couldn’t believe something as beautiful and pristine as you found any value in him. That you had found him worthy of the time it took to save him. Suguru wasn’t a religious man, but he thought maybe he could believe in angels if they were half as perfect as you were. He had no idea what he did to earn the right to have you as his angel, but he was so fucking happy he did it.

His swelling emotions got the better of him, and he leaned down to kiss you. A warm current flowed between the two of you, the familiar taste of cinnamon coffee filling your senses as you melted into him. He was comforting and safe, and in his embrace you were almost convinced nothing bad could ever happen.

“OH, I KNEW IT!” Of course something bad had to happen. The two of you scrambled away from each other, looking at Gojo like two teenagers that had been caught making out in your parents car. It was actually embarrassing. “I KNEW YOU TWO HAD A THING!”

“Satoru, It’s not what it looks like!” You panicked.

“Yeah, It’s not like that, Y/n just…had something on her face! I was wiping it off.”

“With your mouth!?” Gojo scoffed.

“...Yes?” Someone, take away Suguru’s lying privileges. Your face hit your plam at the lame lie, and Gojo rolled his eyes.

“I’d asked if you guys thought I was dumb, but clearly you do! Why would you keep this from me?” He all but whined as he fully entered the classroom.

“Well Satoru, it’s…well..” You tried to think of something to save his feelings.

“There are celebrity tabloids better at keeping secrets than you Satoru.” Nevermind Suguru, go back to lying.

“Hey, that’s not true!” Satoru said on his own defense, “When Shoko started smoking again I kept that secret!”

“Shoko started smoking again?” You gasped.

“...fuck.” Satoru whispered.

“See Satoru! That’s what we mean.” Suguru sighed, seeing his job flash before his eyes.

“It’s still not cool!” Gojo pouted, “My two closest friends in the entire world fall in love and they won’t even tell me! No wonder you guys haven’t wanted to hang out on the weekends. You’ve been together, haven’t you!?” You and Suguru looked down in shame. Maybe it wasn’t exactly fair to keep him completely out of the loop.

“Do you guys hate me?” Gojo asked, the betrayal he felt seeping into his voice.

“No, Satoru, we love you!” You assured him.

“You’re our best friend, of course we love you!” Suguru confirmed, “We just also like being able to pay rent!”

“Paying rent is so important!” You nodded.

“I wouldn’t tell anyone!” Satoru insisted, “I would never do anything to put your livelihoods at risk! I thought you guys would have known that.” He pouted.

“We do know that,” You sighed.

“Do we?” Suguru whispered, just for you to swiftly pat him to remind him to behave.

“We were just being cautious. I’m sorry we hurt your feelings Satoru.” You apologized as you went to your wounded friend, patting his back for comfort. Suguru joined you on his other side.

“Yeah man, I’m sorry. We’ll try and keep you in the loop about more things, okay?” Suguru promised. Satoru sniffled and nodded.

“Okay…I forgive you guys.” He said, looking up and smiling at the two of you. “So when do I get to come to date night?”

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #satoru gojo #suguru geto #suguru x reader #suguru geto x reader #geto x reader fluff #geto x reader #suguru geto fluff #jjk fluff #jujutsu kaisen fluff #Angsty Anon #🥐

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deviouscrackers · 3 months ago

Text

I brained

ANYWAYS I had an idea of how to rewrite Nexus's villain arc. I didn't really care for it either way, so these are ideas to make it more interesting (at least to me).

I write this with the intention to follow the TSBS writing rules that I am aware of, but I don't know many so… my bad ig.

(This also got long, can you tell I like writing shit like this?)

First of all, what did I not like about Nexus? Well, like many, I wasn't all that fond of the rate he became evil. I didn't like his motivations, which is somewhere between wanting to become an unstoppable powerhouse and wanting control of his life? I think?

Not bad motivations, yes, but how he got to those motivations? Mm… no…

Another thing I wasn't fond of regarding Nexus would probably be his behaviour as a villain, and the lack of respect everyone gave him. Nexus, and other characters, take himself and his goals quite seriously.

Nexus is a threat.

However, he doesn’t act like one, nor does anyone else really behave like he is. Half the time it feels like they're watching some snot-nosed kid sharing his new war story he made with his plushies.

Thirdly, the whole prior arc Nexus had going on before becoming Nexus just became irrelevant. Now, I don't want to sound too much like a conspiracy theorist, but this drop in care for Solar happens to have been around the time shipping discourse got really bad. Just before I joined the fandom, essentially.

Anywho!

So here is how, in hindsight, I would have written this (Please, please, please remember that I have no ill will to the writers or anything. Yes I'm disappointed with Nexus, but in all honesty this arc was not the absolute worst and it had its very good moments. I'm just sharing my own ideas).

Taking how focused Nexus got on reviving Solar, I would have his villain arc more focused on it.

His old motivations:

Power

Control

New motivation:

Bringing back Solar/Keeping His Family Safe

Don't worry! This still encompasses power and control, but in a way that links back to his previous behaviours.

First event I’d change would be when Nexus kidnapped Earth with Bloodmoon.

Quick disclaimer, I skipped through that set of episodes because I was like, four straight days into trying to watch every lore vid and hadn't been to school for any of those days, but to better align that event with how I'm changing Nexus, it'd have to be Lunar or Sun that got kidnapped.

Why? Well, Nexus actually had a good relationship with Earth and him thinking of her as mere collateral makes no sense. On the other hand, Sun and him had a rocky relationship at the time and from what I can tell Lunar and Nexus weren't incredibly fond of eachother.

Plus, Nexus could justify attacking Lunar as he thought Lunar would've been strong enough to take it or protect himself specifically.

So now Nexus is floating in space; angry, hurt, dejected, hapless… and who should come to his rescue but Dark Sun? In this version, Dark Sun would offer Nexus shelter and anything he wanted as long as Nexus did some tasks for him. Hysteric and grieving, Nexus agrees to go with him.

Nexus is definitely hesitant about the Dragon and Dark Star Power. As long as Dark Sun and Nexus aren't about to kill each other at every turn that should work and stay somewhat the same as canon.

If you can't tell this is (so far) sticking to canon progression as much as possible.

Moving on, Monty brings back Moon just the same as canon. The only difference is that it takes longer for Earth to warm up to Moon, considering she hasn't heard the best stuff about his attitude.

Skipping to when Moon and Nexus meet, I imagine there'd be heavy miscommunication between Moon and Nexus. Moon would leave the conversation assuming Nexus doesn't mean well for anyone in the family and Nexus would leave the conversation assuming that they had never liked him and were only waiting for him to leave before replacing him. Both their hackles would be raised.

When Solar is revived, he immediately asks about Sun and Nexus, because they were the last people he saw. He then immediately follows up with the rest of the family. Upon hearing about Nexus “turning evil”, Solar goes into denial, refusing to believe it until he sees it.

How I imagine Solar and Nexus meet is as follows: Dark Sun gives Nexus another task, data collection. Nothing harmful, he assures. Nexus obliges because these tasks are essentially how he pays rent, and he can't leave yet. While waiting for the data, Nexus decides to pay Moon a visit.

After finding the new address (something that infuriates him, because did the house he bought with Sun just mean nothing now that Moon is back?) Nexus enters and taunts Moon. Teasing turns into a genuine argument between the two, which Solar walks into. Nexus and Solar freeze upon seeing each other, Nexus leaving shortly after.

A quick thing to note, is that around this point, Nexus’s behaviour isn't too different, but he's beginning to become very unstable. The reasoning for this is because in this version, the Wither Storm’s proximity is causing issues, to both Nexus and Ruin. Dark Sun is fine due to him not being in the dimension for too long, but Nexus ends up actually going insane (or close to it) and Nexus is slowly dipping into insanity. He is not aware of this until it's far too late.

So in Nexus's mind, he's rejoicing that Solar is alive, but is horribly panicked that someone dangerous like Moon is near Solar. So while he spends time making a cell/room for Solar, to keep him safe, Dark Sun manipulates him into using Dark Star Power to further protect Solar.

From then on, Nexus makes several attempts to get Solar to come with him, first with offers, then with manipulation, then…

Then with force as Nexus gets increasingly hysterical.

Other things he'd do, Nexus would still need the wither shards so he'd still go after Sun. He'd also try and get Earth to come with him because she's similarly important to Nexus.

As his mental state deteriorates, he’d begin to act more like the Nexus we know, if a little less pathetic. Just a little.

I'm no good at endings and fine-details however, so I wouldn't know what ending to give him. The ending we got works pretty well for this, though it'd be far more adjusted to include more elements of whatever Dark Sun was doing.

#tsams #the sun and moon show #sun and moon show #tsams nexus

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lonely-ey3s · 22 days ago

Text

With All My Love : Chapter 2 | a dramamine would be nice

Chapter Two: A Dramamine Would Be Nice

Pairing: joel miller x f!reader, no outbreak

Word count: 10.2k

Chapter Summary: You get notice of your deployment which creates some anxieties, but allows you to reach out to Joel about it. You and Joel continue to write back and forth, surprising each other with little details, each opening up to another more and more. With each letter you both write to each other, the more the both of you start to realize how much you both mean to each other, as well as how much happier now that you are in each other's lives.

Chapter warnings: switched POV, mentions of death, mentions of vomiting, flying in a military aircraft, mentions of blood and combat injuries, mutual pining, slight flirting? (our babies are a little out of practice), anxiety, feelings of being alone/isolated, panic attack(s), fluff, if I missed anything I apologize but those are the major ones.

A/N: oh my gosh thank you for all the love and support you've shown me with chapter one. i did not expect so much response back and it's given me such motivation to keep writing and also blossomed so many ideas for chapters to come. i am super excited for ya'll to read the rest of this series, it's something that i am enjoying so much writing and sharing with you all <3

Banners by: @saradika-graphics

Main Masterlist

Reader’s POV

Two days later

You were right, no more than 48 hours after you graduated you and Maria received your deployment assignments. You would fly out to Afghanistan the following morning at 0300 hours.

It all started to set in, the potential of you not coming back. You knew what you were getting into before enlisting, and you knew how grueling the war was, but it didn’t seep into your brain until now. You knew that being a medic would put you right in the line of fire as that is what you were trained to do, get those wounded out of the area, and treated with as much speed and safety as you could guarantee. What you didn’t think about was if you were to die, who would they alert? No one, right?

You were packing up your duffle with what you needed when you felt the weight of that question drop down on you like a ton of bricks. Your heart rate sped up, the color seemed to disappear from your face and as you were packing a pair of socks, you realized your hand starting to shake. You then got a wave of nausea, and before you knew it, felt your dinner coming up. You ran to the toilet, throwing up what little dinner you had this evening.

“Whoa, you good?” Maria followed behind and knelt behind you, laying a hand on your back.

You coughed and then threw up once more, this time more violently, back arching, knuckles white from your grasp on the toilet, back and neck drenched with sweat.

“There ya go, get it out.” Maria stood and grabbed your water bottle from your nightstand before returning again behind you. “Here, take a sip…” she handed you the bottle.

You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand and then took the bottle and took a small sip. You sat back, falling with your back against the wall, head arched upwards, eyes shut tightly, your breathing unsteady and fast. You put your hand over your heart and gripped your shirt, trying to ground yourself. “Fuck…”

Maria spoke softly, “Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth…” and placed a hand on your knee to comfort you.

You opened your eyes and looked at her, she nodded and kept eye contact, then proceeded to breathe in through her nose slowly, which you mimicked. She counted to 3 with her fingers and then slowly exhaled through her mouth, which you of course followed suit.

“Again…” you both did it again and then she lightly squeezed your leg, “You aren’t alone. I know what’s going through your head and you aren’t alone. Anything happens, I’ve got you and you got me, right?” she moved her head closer as you dropped your head to catch your gaze again.

You nodded and swallowed the lump in your throat, “Right. We got each other.” you said letting out a slow exhale once more.

She nodded and then lightly squeezed your knee, “Come on, we gotta finish packing, we have an early morning.” she stood and offered her hand to help you to your feet.

You grabbed her hand and stood, taking a second and then tilting your neck upwards and rolling it side to side, shaking your hands out to do what you could to get out which you could only assume was a lot of anxiety while she walked away.

Maria went back to her duffle to finish what she had left to pack. You took another sip of your water and then flushed the toilet and walked back to your duffle bag.

You looked at the clock, ‘18:37’.

You looked over at Maria and she had already packed all her things and got into bed. She was someone that needed a full 8 hours of sleep if she could help it.

“Mind if I keep the desk lamp on while I wrap up a few things?” you asked as you folded up the rest of your socks, stuffing them deep in the bag.

“No, you’re good, thanks for asking.” She tucked her head under the sheets and turned away from the light.

You moved your pillow to untuck your sheets when you saw Joel’s letter and pictures neatly tucked under it. You smiled softly and let out a breath, his smile was something that brought you comfort lately. You sat on the edge of the bed and studied the photo for a moment then looked at the clock again before getting up and sitting down at your desk and pulling out your notebook and pen. Mail day was coincidentally tomorrow and you felt it was something short of fate as you hadn’t yet sent your other letter, but also, you didn’t know when the next time you’d be able to send him another letter. With that thought gnawing at you, you just started writing:

‘Joel, June 4, 2014

Call yourself lucky, you’re getting two letters this round. The first was a reply back to your letter, this one well, it's just going to be a bit of a ramble or dump of information to what I hope we can call each other a confidant.

To cut to the chase, we got our deployment assignment.

It’s setting in that it’s all happening. I’ve already I think had my first panic attack in weeks realizing the gravity of the situation. Pathetic right? I’m panicking about something I signed up for, willingly..

I just, I think I’m feeling the weight of my reality of ‘if I was to die’, they made us fill out some paperwork earlier today and one of the questions was who to alert in the case of injury or death. I left it blank.

If I’m being honest, I don’t have anyone besides Maria, and well now, you, that would even know where I was.

My parents have been dead for years, but even if they were alive, they weren’t the type of parents that would be concerned with my well being. All they cared about when they were alive was what they could get out of me. Hell, they’d probably try to seek out some pension or compensation out of the military for my death.

Sorry. That was a lot. I don’t really know what I’m doing here.

You put your pen down and sighed, ‘What am I doing? Trauma dumping on this poor guy? Jesus…’ you thought. You looked at the Polaroid photo of him and something urged you to keep writing, something told you that he’d want to listen and help.

'I guess what I’m trying to say is, I am just feeling alone. Yeah, I’ve got Maria here and she’ll be with me through this deployment, but it's a different type of alone. One deep down, feels like a burning brand, scorched into my being.

I’ve always been alone, but never felt it the way I am right now. I mean, like I said above, my parents didn’t really care about me, I mean not like I’m sure you do with your daughter. You’d move heaven and earth for her, put your life on the line for hers. You can tell that just by the way you smile at her. I have rarely known that to last, to have known clear and utter devotion and love, by a parent or hell, by a partner. The last.. monster I was with.. He was the opposite of devotion and love. Hell, he’s the reason I joined, joined to get away from him, to be safe. But that’s another story for a longer letter, plus I don’t think you want to know about all that shit this early into our relationship, that's a 3rd date topic of conversation.

Sorry, that was forward of me to say, I just mean, it's heavy and a lot.

Do you ever feel alone? I mean being a single dad, I would assume you do at times. What do you do? I tend to shove it down and ignore it (not healthy, I know) - but it’s just easier, you know?

It’s been years since I haven’t felt this so loudly..

When I was a young teen, I would visit this little old man down the street. His name was Levi. He was the closest thing I had to what a grand dad might be. When my parents would fight, or they’d leave me for days on end to gamble or do hell knows what.. I’d go to Levi’s. He’d feed me, make sure I had somewhere to sleep on his couch, and even make me lunch for school. He used to pack me homemade ‘treasure cookies’ he called them, in my lunch, write me little jokes in my lunch bag… he used to write ‘Cricket’, his nickname he had for me on those lunch bags. He was everything to me for those 5 years I knew him. Taught me how to drive (illegally, must’ve been 13 when he taught me), how to change tires, cook for myself, taught me how to fight, how to take care of myself.'

You teared up as you wrote, a tear landing on the paper.

'Something tells me he knew his time was limited, because looking back, he shoved as much love and care he could on me before he died of a stroke…

I came home from school.. found an ambulance taking him out of his place. After that, I was truly on my own and when that feeling came back again.

I miss him, I know he’d be mad at me for joining tho… he would say there were other ways, that he’d make sure I was safe. And he would, he’d keep me safe.

Jesus, that old man was terrifying when he needed to be. I remember.. a boy from school put hands on me. He came to my school after the principal called him because I socked the kid in the nose, and was getting suspended for it (bullshit, I know), but he told the kid while he was waiting in the hall for his parents to come, if he ever looked my way again, he knew where he lived, and it wouldn’t be just a broken nose next time. The kid never came near me again, in fact now that I think about it, not a lot of boys came around while he was alive… jeez, thanks Levi for being the ultimate chastity belt.'

You laughed to yourself thinking about that.

'Anyway, thanks for listening to me ramble. It’s actually helped getting all this out. Don’t feel obligated to write back concerning this letter, consider it like a… what do the Catholics call it? Oh, like a confessional! Well, not really, but you get it, right?

I’ll write back when I can. I’m going to Afghanistan, we haven't received where we will be stationed, but I'll be sure to write as soon as I'm able.

Also, if you send your replies before I am able to write you, I've been told mail will automatically forward to our new location, from Fort Jackson.

Thanks again Joel.

Talk soon.

Warm regards,

Y/N’

You folded it into thirds, and put it into a new envelope, sealed it, and then looked back at your room, taking it in.

‘I’ve got this.’ you thought.

You stood up, turned off the lamp and then laid on your bed, slowly drifting to sleep.

—

You awoke to your alarm blaring at 0230, Maria already up and getting ready. You rolled over and put your pillow over your head, groaning. You were never a morning person, this morning was a testament to that.

“Whoever decided for us to fly out at 3am in the damn morning… I hope their pillow is always hot, and they have a pebble in their shoe!” you groaned again, but sat up, stretching your arms above your head.

Maria chuckled at your reaction. She was a morning person. She loved the early start to the day and sunrise and blah blah blah. “You are NOT a morning person.” she turned to look at you, tying up her hair.

You shot her a glare, “You don’t say, Ms. Ray of frickin’ Sunshine…”

She chuckled and pointed to your desk, “I got you a cup of coffee from the cafe, and took your letters to Joel already to the mail drop...” She turned to look at you and smirked, “Two letters in two days? Lucky man…”

You rolled your eyes, “Ha ha, nice insinuation… you’re so funny.” you stood up and walked over to grab the coffee, taking a sip. “For your information… I was just letting him know we got deployed.” you shrugged. “Did you let.. what was his name again… Reginald, know?” you said smirking into your cup, taking another sip, knowing it would get a rise out of her.

“Oh stop it, ok? You know his name is Tommy!” she threw her hair brush at you softly, you caught it and chuckled.

“Speaking of Tommy, I saw Joel’s last name was Miller on your letter, and he’s from Texas, right? Curious if he’s related to my pen pal, they both have the last name of Miller and both live in Texas..” she questioned as she looked back in the mirror to make sure her hair looked acceptable.

You shrugged your shoulders and started to clean yourself up as you needed to leave for the bus soon. “I don’t know. The odds of that would be like what, 1 in a million?” you said as you straightened up your hair bun and grabbed your toothbrush, starting to put toothpaste on it, “Joel mentioned owning a construction business with his brother, but never mentioned a name. I can ask if you want?” you looked back at Maria before shoving your toothbrush in your mouth, brushing softly.

She shook her head, “No, it's ok. I’ll mention it to Tommy next time I write.” she packed up the last of her things as you spit your toothpaste down the sink. “Got everything?” she asked, starting to grab her things.

You wiped your mouth and nodded “Yeah, I’m ready.” you grabbed your cap, slid on your boots, grabbed your duffle and cup of coffee, and both of you walked to the bus stop.

—

The bus ride to the airport was about a 30 minute drive. You could tell that everyone’s nerves were a bit heightened. A guy's leg behind you kept bouncing the whole way there against the back of your seat which drove you mad- but deep down you also knew it wasn’t him trying to be annoying, it was probably a coping mechanism; as you were currently tapping your fingers anxiously against your knee.

When you arrived at the airport, you were all instructed to tag your bags and then load up into the hangar of this huge military plane.

“Eyes up!" you all stood to attention as soon as you heard the command. "You aren’t flying commercial or first class today, so I suggest you all suck it up - get all your bitching and moaning out now because if I hear one complaint when this aircraft is in the air, so help me I’ll toss you out! Understood!?” the commanding officer yelled loudly amongst the crowd.

Everyone in unison shouted “Yes sir!”

"Buckle up." he turned around to release you all. You all started to sit down, start to buckle.

Within seconds, another man came into the plane, marked higher than the other. "Attention!" someone called loudly. You all stood to attention, facing forward, hands to your side, uniform formation.

“My name is Sgt. Anders, this will be a 35 hour trip. So strap in, and get comfortable. We will be making multiple fuel stops. When that happens, you can get up, stretch and use the restroom, but you will not be leaving the aircraft. We are on a tight schedule and can’t afford delays. We will be flying in and landing at Bagram Air Base. If anything is to go south, as we will be flying into an active war zone at one point.. there are parachute backpacks above you. You should all know how to equip one, if not, you better hope the person next to you helps your helpless ass- put one on!” he continued to yell as he paced up and down the plane.

“When you arrive, you will be assigned to a portable, you will have your assignment, departure time, commanding officer, and any other necessary information in an envelope on your beds!” He looked at you and Maria, “Medics! You will be assigned in teams of two!” He looked at two other guys down the line that were also medics, “You will be paired by gender, so women with women, men with men.” He looked back at you and Maria, “Your assignments will be immediate, as soon as you touch down. You will be loaded into a Humvee and taken to location, is that understood?”

“Sir, yes sir.” you all four said in unison.

As he continued to further instruct the rest of the group, you leaned slightly towards Maria, careful to not break formation and softly said, “Didn’t know our assignment would be so immediate, did you?” she shook her head very slightly and exhaled a breath. You could tell she was nervous. You grabbed her hand and gave it a light squeeze. “We got this.” you said facing forward, leaning back straight.

She nodded slightly and squeezed your hand back in agreement.

After about 5 more minutes of instructions, you were put at ease, told to buckle in, and the aircraft took off.

—

You were not the biggest fan of flying to begin with, but this experience and this damn aircraft made you feel a lot more vulnerable and nervous than flying commercial. You kept thinking ‘If I would have known I was flying 35 damn hours without a flight attendant and knowing there is a parachute back above my head, I would have never signed on the dotted line. Fuck this shit…’

Around hour 3 there was major turbulence, you tucked your head down and shut your eyes trying to calm down your growing anxiety, legs bouncing up and down together, hands gripping your seat belt over your chest so damn tight your knuckles were turning white.

Maria noticed and leaned over, “I heard there’s going to be a fuel stop in 30 minutes, we just gotta hold on ‘til then.”

The fuel stop was more like 45 minutes later with the turbulence.

As soon as the plane landed and you were given the ok to unbuckle, you bolted to the toilets. Maria followed closely behind, also sick from the nerves.

You chuckled at the sink after you both were done being sick, “Some Dramamine would be nice right about now, am I right?” you gently knocked your elbow against hers, drying your hands with a paper towel.

She smiled and splashed her face with some water, “That or a fuckin’ Xanax. We all need to take a chill pill...”

You both chuckled softly and then walked back to your seats together, starting to sit back down when the other two medics came over from their seats, “Sounds like we’ll be working together…” one of them said, looking down at you both.

You stood up and held out your hand, “Yeah, sounds like it. I’m ___ and this is Maria. Nice to meet you…?” Maria stood and held her hand out as well.

“Oh um, Terrance, and this is Reginald, but we call him Reggie.” he looked towards the baby face standing next to him, who tried to size you both up by puffing up his chest and trying to appear taller than he actually was.

You and Maria both let out a snicker at the name Reginald.

“Somethin’ funny?” Reggie asked, clearly offended.

You shook your head and smiled, “No, no I’m sorry. We just have-” you shook your head, not caring to explain, seeing he was trying to possibly start an argument, “No, nothing’s funny, sorry.” you shook his hand, gripping it tighter than usual, trying to assert you weren’t going to be sized up by him “Nice to meet you Reggie.” you gave him a half smile, clenching your jaw down a bit. You knew that being dainty and feminine wasn’t the route to go with him, if you didn’t shut him down now, you could see him possibly being an issue.

You looked at Terrance and shook his hand more gently, giving him a more genuine smile, “Nice to meet you both.”

Both nodded, agreeing, then turned to go back to their seats. Reggie was still somewhat bothered by your humor that you didn’t care to explain to him.

Maria and you sat down again and then turned to each other and chuckled when you said “Shucks, I think we hurt his feelings..”

Maria sat back in her seat, unbothered, “Oh boo, he’ll get over it.”

You chuckled and sat back as well, thinking out loud. “Reginald… who names their kid Reginald?”

Maria chuckled to herself and shrugged her shoulders.

Before you knew it the plane took off again.

Joel’s POV

Your letters came to Joel about a week after you left for Afghanistan. Sarah came in from grabbing the mail after school one day and was shocked to see two envelopes in mail. Joel hadn’t gotten home yet. He was still at work but Sarah smiled knowing her dad got two letters, she hoped that meant things were going well between the two of you. Her dad seemed a bit different since the first letter came around. Joel also would never admit this, but Sarah caught him a few times checking the mail more times than once during the days he had off, from what she could guess was him hoping to hear from you.

She went upstairs and laid them out on his pillow and then started on her homework in her own room turning on some music.

Joel got home around 7pm, dead tired and sore as hell. He was covered in saw dust and reeked of sweat. He needed a shower, and needed it now.

He heard the music in Sarah’s room and lightly knocked on her door, “M’ gonna to take a quick shower baby girl, why don’t you order us some pizza? My wallet is down on the counter..”

Sarah turned her music down slightly “Pepperoni and Three Meat sound good?”

Joel started walking down the hall to his room, taking his shirt off in the process, “Anythin’ you want sweetheart.”

He closed the door behind him and went to sit on the edge of the bed to take his work boots off when he stopped to look back at his pillow, seeing the two envelopes. He took off one boot and then scooted over and grabbed the envelopes. He immediately smiled seeing your name and then looked slightly confused when he saw two envelopes. “Wonder why I got two..” he opened the first, which was the one you wrote right after your graduation.

He smiled at your sincere remarks about Sarah. It warmed his heart when you asked about her, and it felt genuine, not just conversation filler.

He chuckled when you mentioned the spiders in the jungle and then frowned when you mentioned your baseball team being the Cubs, “Oh we’re gonna have to fix that…” he said lowly. He continued to read and then a smile came back to his lips when you mentioned the Cowboys and couldn’t help but agree with your comment about their defense needing some work.

He smiled at your suggestion for him to heat his back and knees, it was something not a lot of people outside of Sarah and Tommy did for him, care for his well being.

He pulled out the post card you sent as well and chuckled about your remark about southern food. You weren’t wrong, food in the south is very good, and he thought when you were back, maybe he could barbecue for you. He was known for making some mighty tasty ribs.

He then pulled out the two pictures you sent. He saw the one of you alone first. He smiled warmly and traced his thumb gently over the photograph. ‘She’s gorgeous..’ he thought to himself. You had a beautiful smile, and a very warm energy he could sense. He felt something tug in his chest when he continued to look at the photo. He flipped to the other photo and smiled wider seeing you smile bigger with Maria.

You were contagious.

He couldn’t help but chuckle at how bright you were. He looked back at the other photo for a moment longer, and then set them both aside and picked up the second envelope.

This letter felt thicker right off the bat, and for some reason that made his heart drop. He wondered what that could mean. He unfolded the pages and began to read. He immediately could tell that you reached out when you were struggling.

He hated thinking about that smile of yours being dimmed. He read every word like his breath depended on it. Soaking in every syllable so he could give you what you might need in his response.

He came across the part where you talked about Levi and smiled softly, having comfort that someone took care of you like that. You deserved that at the bare minimum, and he hated to learn that you had been so alone and neglected for so long. He chuckled at the chastity belt part, thinking if it were him, he would have still made a move on you, Levi wouldn't have kept him away from a beautiful girl like you.

He noticed the tear stain on the letter when you mentioned his passing. He rubbed his thumb over it gently, as if trying to comfort you somehow, telepathically.

He finished reading and looked up at the wall across from him, letting out a soft sigh, racking his brain for what to do next.

—

The next day

Joel was a man of very few words, but what he lacked in speaking, he made up for in actions. One could say one of his love languages was acts of service.

He made a commitment to get work off a little earlier than usual so he could make it to the store before they closed, as he wanted to send something to you today, sooner than later.

He grabbed three things, a disposable camera and a package envelope large enough to fit the camera in, and a new post card design.

As he was walking down the street to his truck, he walked past a small jewelry shop, something in the display window caught his eye. They had a trinity knot pendant. It was perfect. He knew that was a symbol of protection, and it felt only right to send it to you with where you were going.

He purchased it and then went and sat in his truck. He addressed the envelope to you, put the pendant in, which was in a little velvet bag, and then a disposable camera inside. He then wrote on the postcard he grabbed from the market:

'Y/N, June 11, 2014

Do you think you out-letter me by sending two at once? It’s on. ;)

Consider this my first letter.

The camera is to be a placeholder until you get back, then I’m gonna get you a digital one. I’m now curious and want to see what you can do with one of those. For now, I’ll be sending you a disposable camera - one for every month that you're deployed. I expect once you’ve filled it up, you’ll mail it back to me, I’ll process them and then when you get home, I’ll hand deliver all the photos you took - we’ll call it a meet and greet, it’ll give us a good excuse to meet up.

The pendant is to keep you and your group safe, but mostly you. ;)

My mom always taught us about how certain symbols and things carry certain powers of protection, and right now, you need protection where you are.

Be safe, stay healthy, and just for the record, I prayed there wouldn’t be any big bugs, I hope it worked. ;)

-Joel’

He then stopped by the post office and mailed that off first.

He would worry about the letter he wanted to write back to you when Sarah was in bed later, but he wanted to get those small pieces of what he hoped would be motivation and support to you as soon as he could.

Joel got home right after Sarah got home from soccer practice. Sarah was getting a glass of water from the sink when he walked in, she set her glass down, shock and slight worry coursing through her.

Seeing him home so early was rare, but it was a Thursday, Thursday’s meant heating chicken nuggets in the oven and her dad not being home until after she was in bed.

“You’re home early… are you ok? Do you feel sick?” she rushed over and put her hand to his forehead, attempting to feel his temperature. When he felt normal, she looked at him a bit more worried.

“Dad, did you hit your head at work? Quick, how many fingers am I holding up?” she held up 4 fingers, making eye contact with him, as if she was trying to look for a concussion or head injury.

Joel chuckled and gently pushed her fingers away, “I’m fine sweetheart.”

She scoffed, offended he didn’t answer her question, “Dad! This is serious, how many fingers?” She put the same 4 fingers up with wide eyes and a jutted out jaw, something she did when she meant business.

“4 fingers.. My name is Joel Miller, I am home with my beautiful daughter, Sarah…” he smiled sweetly at her and kissed her forehead and then started walking towards the fridge to grab a drink for himself, “It’s Thursday, Obama is the president, and…” he held out his arms straight out from himself, water bottle in his right hand, and walked in a straight line toe, to heel back towards her, stopping in front of her, chuckling lightly as he touched his nose with each pointer finger like he was performing a field sobriety test, “I am fine baby girl. Just got off work early.” he booped her nose with his finger and began to walk to sit at the table to take his boots off.

Sarah’s right eye twitched in disbelief, and she looked at him like he was nuts, “Dad, you never get off work early, especially on a Thursday…” she came and sat by him, “Is everything ok?”

He smiled again warmly at her and gently grabbed her hand that was on the table, “Yes, everything is ok. I promise.” he gently gave it a squeeze, “Everyone is safe and healthy. I am just home because I had some errands to run before the stores closed.”

Sarah looked at him puzzled for a few seconds then gasped loudly, “Did you have a date?!”

He cocked his head at her and let out a deep gut laugh, “Sarah.. If I ever go on a date looking like this, and smelling like..” he raised his armpit and took a few sniffs and then waved his other hand in front of his nose “Jesus… smelling like this..? You need to admit me to a psych ward, because that means I’ve lost my damn mind!”

Sarah giggled at his playfulness and nodded, “Understood.” She stood up from the table and went to walk away but stopped suddenly and looked back at her dad, head tilted to the side in curiosity, “If you weren’t on a date, then what errands did you do to come home empty handed?”

She wasn’t going to let this go. Joel and her were as thick as thieves. They told each other everything, nothing was hidden from each other, at least for the most part, Sarah kept boys that flirted with her to herself, obviously.

“I uh, I read Y/N’s letters last night, and one of them gave me an idea of something I could send her in addition to the normal letters we write, somethin’ small but meaningful since she said she was getting deployed..” he cleared this throat and scratched the scruff of his chin, trying to not give any added context that you were struggling. But also, he went out of his way to pretty much send you a care package.

He knew Sarah would take the intention out of context and she’d think something more.. was going on. Which there wasn’t, not that Joel wouldn’t mind that, but it was meant purely as a friendly gesture, or that’s what he kept telling himself.

“That’s nice of you dad, what did you get her?” Sarah looked at him with a sweet smile.

He broke eye contact and starting untying his second boot to take off his foot, “She um.. mentioned that she likes taking pictures, so I sent her a disposable camera.” he tossed the second boot next to the first and then stood up, “Told her if she sent it back, I’d get the photos developed for her…” he left the part out about the necklace and how he also said how he’d keep sending camera’s so that he had an excuse to meet up with her in person, Sarah didn’t need to know about that plan, at least not yet.

He started walking out of the kitchen, up the stairs, “Anyways, I’m going to hop into a quick shower then I’ll make us something to eat.”

Sarah nodded and then stood in the kitchen and smiled to herself as Joel continued up the stairs. She knew her dad better than anyone, and she knew when he breaks eye contact and then removes himself from a conversation, there’s more he doesn’t want to share. However, Sarah was ok with that. He seemed lighter and happier since getting letters from you; and for him to take work off early…that wasn’t something he just did for anyone. He only did things like that for those he truly cared about.

—

Joel showered and then made the two of them what Sarah called ‘The Joel Special’ - which was a can of Chef Boy-ar-dee’s Beefaroni and homemade garlic bread.

Sarah retired early to her bedroom as she mentioned she had a paper to finish and early morning tomorrow for the debate team before school.

Joel was left in the kitchen, cleaning off the dishes, stuck inside his thoughts, wondering what you were up to right now. Since your last letters, you were a constant thought in his mind. Especially after seeing what you look like. How beautiful you were. Hell, you were in your uniform and still took his breath away. He couldn’t fathom how good you’d look in a sundress or just regular clothes, that thought drove him somewhat mad.

He did wonder what you normally wore and how you did your hair. He could see you wore a bun which signaled you had longer hair. He also could tell you had a very feminine energy about you, were you someone that wore a lot of makeup or took the more natural approach? Either way didn’t matter to him, he just wondered. He was very curious to get to know you more out of the military.

However, he knew he probably wouldn’t see that side of you for a long time as he knew when Tommy served and would Skype him, he was always in his uniform or some form of it.

I wonder if she’d be up to Skyping at one point? Maybe in a couple weeks, I’ll put the idea out there… or maybe mention it in the letter? He thought as he finished loading up the dishwasher.

He put a dishwasher tablet in, wiped down the counters and table, put the coffee machine to pre-brew for the morning and then headed upstairs after making sure everything was secure and taken care of.

He knocked on Sarah’s door lightly before opening it up a little, “Hey sweet pea, let’s be in bed by 9pm. Also, I’ll take you to school tomorrow if you’d like. Gotta leave by 6:30 am right?” he said looking down at her reading something at her desk.

“Ok dad, and sure, that’d be nice to grab a ride. Yeah, by 6:30am!” she looked up with a soft smile.

“Sounds good, I’ll set my alarm to be up in time. Goodnight, I love you.” he leaned in and kissed the top of her head before lightly closing the door again after she said goodnight back and walked to his bedroom.

He shut his door and then pulled out the bedside table Sarah had got for him last Christmas, for when she does breakfast in bed for him on birthdays and other special events, before pulling out a pen and paper and sitting on top of his sheets.

He turned on his bedside table lamp and turned the tv on the sports channel for some background noise before zoning in and writing:

‘Y/N, June 12, 2014

Told ya I’d be writing another letter! :)

This one should be to you maybe a day or two after the package I sent. I hope it finds you well. I also hope you made it to your base overseas safely. I remember when my brother went over there the flight was brutally long and the plane they went over made him forever now terrified of flying. I hope that didn’t happen for you, that you got to fly more comfortably.

I first wanted to thank you for trusting me with the anxieties you were feeling in your last letter. I know that writing and opening up like that to anyone, but someone like me, I mean we are two steps away from being somewhat strangers, was not the easiest. Hell, I’d be nervous to do it… but you did.. so… thank you for trusting me with so much important information you shared, I won’t make you regret it.

I also want to say, you aren’t alone, and you aren’t pathetic for feeling that way.

In all honesty, I tend to also feel the same way whenever I feel anything but happy. I would say ‘I’m pathetic for feeling sad, alone, hell… for when I grieved - when Sarah’s mom left us.’ I felt stupid for feeling mad, betrayed, and left alone to raise our daughter. However, I was wrong, I had every right to feel those things. It took a long time to come to terms with that - a whole lot of growin’ up on my part, also some convincin’ from my brother and Sarah… but those feelings are valid, and you aren’t less of a person for feeling them.

In this case, sweetheart, you are 100% wrong about being alone. You’ve got me now. Right?

I know, at least speakin’ for myself, I’ve found great comfort in our letters, in your humor, your stories.. like.. Levi - he sounds like my granddad. He took the place of my dad when I was growing up a lot of the time. My dad was worried more about gambling and bets than my mom, brother and I. But my granddad - stepped in and up. He taught my brother, Tommy, and I, everything about being a man. How to work hard, provide for our family, how to respect women, how to pretty much be what my dad wasn’t.

He was alive when Sarah’s mom left us, he was the one to tell me that it was time to be the man he raised me to be. He wasn’t wrong, I needed to hear that. It shaped me to be the man and father I am for Sarah. She’s everything to me and like you said, I will move heaven and earth for those in my life I love.

I’m so sorry to hear that Levi passed, I can tell he left a huge mark and influence in your life and heart. I hope you know that he is with you and always will be in spirit.

By the way, quick side note, I was told by Sarah that she wanted this picture sent of us to you :)

She’s a lot better at capturing moments than I am on her camera so we will have to thank her for being proactive or I would probably never get photos to you. I think I would be better about it with my phone, but the damn Poloroid intimidates me.

Perhaps when you’re back, we could text each other? It would be faster than letters, unless you like that, I’d be happy to do either or.

Before I forget, you asked my favorite animal, I like foxes. I think they are beautiful creatures and get a bad rap in my opinion. I also love whales like you. I remember there was an episode that we watched that explained that there was a resident pod of whales that have continued to stay by this coast in Oregon, um, if my memory serves me, I think it was Depoe Bay? And it said they’ve continued for years to come back and their pod keeps growing… that’d be cool to see, don’t you think?

Speaking of animals, what was the reason behind Levi’s nickname for you, ‘Cricket’’..? Do you chirp in your sleep or somethin’ cute like that?

Your last letter, you asked about hobbies and I told you I didn’t have any, but now that I think of it, I guess I kind of do. I do woodworking here and there. I haven't done it in a few years unfortunately- but I specialized in rocking chairs and I was approached by an old family friend today to make one for their pregnant daughter’s nursery. Any ideas of what I should carve into it? I was thinking since they are having a girl doing flowers or maybe an intricate bow. What do you think? I’d love your thoughts. I’ll have Sarah take pictures to also keep you updated on its process, would that be ok?'

Joel looked over at your picture and smiled softly, running his fingers through his hair anxiously, thinking if he should ask about maybe doing a Skype call as that’s how he kept in touch with Tommy while he was deployed.

'I was also wondering if you’d be open to Skype.. ' he stopped writing and fiddled with the pen between his thick fingers, thinking, slightly panicking.

He shook his head and exhaled, chickening out. ‘Too soon..’ he thought to himself.

He lazily scribbled over the text in an attempt to hide what he wrote.

'I’ll wrap this up as I’ve got an early morning but I just wanted to say a few final things:

-You aren’t alone.

-Your feelings are valid.

-Broncos need a better offense and the Vikings need a better team - GO COWBOYS! ;)

All my best,

Joel’

He put the photo of him and Sarah in the envelope and then folded his papers into thirds before sticking it in the envelope and licking it shut.

He put it on his nightstand to remind him to drop it off at the post office on the way to work tomorrow morning, turned off his light and tv and slowly fell asleep.

Reader POV

2 weeks later

You have been in the middle of nowhere for the past 2 weeks. The commanding sergeant wasn’t kidding when he said your assignment was immediate. Once you got off the plane and into the Humvee, the four of you were driven another hour to a smaller city outside of Bagram.

Once there, you were to provide immediate medical assistance to the troops and allies there.

Maria and you worked together to triage and maintain a good rhythm to make sure those with more immediate needs were taken care of while Reggie and Terrance took on the less immediate concerns.

The four of you worked well together, especially after Reggie got over his feelings and got to know you and Maria more. You finally caved and told him why you two laughed at his name, and told them about your pen pals. Reggie understood and agreed, the name Reginald was a poor name.

After that, and finding your rhythm, you all worked like a well oiled machine.

___

0900 hours - June 19, 2014

“Maria, I need some help over here!” you shouted across a tent that was filled with a mixture of fellow troops and city folk.

You had a young man on the table from the local village, no more than 13, bleeding out of his chest from what you were told was caused by shrapnel from a grenade explosion that happened about 2 miles south of your location.

For the last 2 days there had been a stand off between the American soldiers and members of the enemy.

7 dead.

16 wounded.

9 hours on your feet.

Your medical tent was full and people just kept coming. You and Maria were moving patients into your own bed quarters to keep attending to people.

Maria rushed over, your hands putting pressure on the wound that must’ve nicked an artery based on how much blood had been coming out. “What do you need?” she said ready to dive in wherever needed.

“Get some gauze and put pressure on the wound. I’m going to get IV going and then a repair kit to attempt to tie off the cause of this bleeding.” you moved your hands that were quickly replaced by hers and turned around to rinse your hands in a basin full of water with as much speed as possible without being reckless.

You had picked up a little bit of the language in the little time you had been there. You smiled softly at the boy looking terrified back at you laying on the table, “I am here to help. Can you tell me your name?” you said in Dari, which was the general language spoken in that region.

He nodded frantically “Azzami…” he said softly. While he spoke you quickly and effectively stuck him with an IV needle and started pushing fluids.

“Hello Azzami, my name is ____ and this is Maria.” You said in Dari again. “I need you to stay still and keep your eyes on Maria, for me, can you do that?” you said slower and used hand signals to help translate as you now spoke in English.

He nodded “Look Maria. Stay still.”

You nodded “Yes, good.” you said in Dari.

Azzami turned his head and kept eye contact with Maria. She smiled and softly hummed a song to him that you both had heard mothers sing to their babies around the village.

You took that as your chance to do what you needed to do. You grabbed some forceps and a needle and sutures, as well as moving the light that was shining overhead closer to Azzami’s chest. You looked at Maria quickly and said “This is going to hurt him like a bitch, keep humming.”

You immediately dug your finger into the wound to investigate where the bleeding was coming from, and almost immediately you felt the left thoracic artery leaking. Azzami screamed and cried, Maria held his head and shoulders down and continued to hum to him louder, keeping eye contact.

“Very good Azzami, you’re so brave.” you said in Dari as you started to wrap a stitch to stop the bleeding. Before you were done he passed out from the pain.

You started to hum along with Maria, not knowing if he was conscious enough to still know what was going on, but wanted to still provide him comfort. She looked at you and nodded towards the injury after you finished, “You think you got it?”

You nodded “Yeah, that’ll hold. I just need to dress it up and then give him a shot of antibiotics.” you started to gather the needed supplies to dress the wound, “You’re good to go help Reggie, he’s been doing compressions on that guy for the past 10 minutes..” you sadly looked his way briefly, you knew that doing compressions that long didn’t mean anything good. Maria nodded and started heading that way.

You finished dressing Azzami’s wound and gave him a shot of antibiotics before Terrance called you over to help with another in take.

You ran over “What do we have?” you asked as you started a general examination, shining a light in the man’s eyes seeing a head wound, you saw no pupil reaction.

“Anderson said he was hit in the chest, fell and hit his head, he’s been on site for at least 10 minutes…” Terrance said starting to grab gauze and a repair kit which was routine procedure for most chest wounds. You took your fingers to the pulse point of the soldier's throat and felt nothing. “Terr.. there’s no pulse, no pupil reaction..” you said matter of factly.

Terrance shook his head frantically, taking gauze and pushing it to the chest wound, “No, there’s gotta be something we can do..” The number of deaths had been getting to him. He was someone that had a hard time letting go.

You pulled your stethoscope off your neck and put it on the patient’s chest to listen, checking for even the smallest sound of movement, something to tell you there was a chance. Terrance stood still, looking at you, with hope.

You pulled it off your ears to hang around your neck and shook your head. “DOA..” you put your hand over Terrance’s which was on the soldiers chest wound, covered in blood, “Terr, he was struck pretty close to the aorta..” you looked at the entry wound. “... he was gone probably within the first 90 seconds of getting hit. He was out there with little to no care for what we think was 10+ minutes. He’s dead. I’m sorry.” you sighed heavily and looked at the body before you, taking your free hand to the soldier's face and gently closing his eyes. “Rest now… you served valiantly..” you whispered gently.

You stepped back and nodded at Terrance before you took off the gloves you had on your hands and moved onto the next patient. You shoved every ounce of frustration and sadness down deep. Now wasn’t the time.

That chaos went on for 6 more hours.

6 more grueling hours filled with blood, sweat and tears.

5 more deaths.

18 more wounded.

You traded off with the other crew of medics as you work 12 hour shifts at time to avoid burnout when you’re not out in the field.

Terrance and Reggie offered for you and Maria to come rest in their quarters as they knew you guys had patients currently in yours.

You laid flat on the ground as soon as you got inside, the small fan hitting you like a godsend. You went from humid heat to dry heat in Afghanistan and you were bitter about it because you never had air conditioning, just small fans that you felt just pushed the heat around.

Terrence sat on his bunk, looking down at his hands, mind far from here.

Maria laid beside you and let out a breath of relief “I just heard Sgt. Beck tell someone that we cleared out that area; whoever is left on the other side is either dead or surrendering. We shouldn’t have any more heat come through.”

You sighed heavily and put your arms over your head to cover your eyes “Oh thank god..” you were all exhausted. The last two weeks had been grueling. Little to no sleep, and mentally draining. You barely had time to even shower half the time or eat, it was constant.

Reggie came in grinning ear to ear, “Ladies and well.. Terrance.. good news! We finally got mail!” He said, shaking his hips like the idiot he tended to be.

You all shot up excitedly and turned towards him. Maria and you standing walk up to him.

The mail was temporarily delayed due to the village entrance being deemed unsafe for the last two weeks. You were sure that the postcard you tried to get to Joel within the first few days, letting him know you got there safely, hadn't made it out of the village.

You all needed contact from the outside, you needed to hear from your loved ones.

“Maria, you have 3 letters, milady.. Two from mom and dad, one from a.. Mr. Miller…? Oooh is this Reginald?!” he caught on and remembered the name of her pen pal you guys told him about. He shook the letter up in the air teasingly towards her.

Maria grabbed all three envelopes and stuck her tongue out at Reggie, “His name is Tommy, but yes, this is who that idiot-” she nodded towards you, you hold up your hands in defense, “..calls Reginald.”

You chuckled and looked at Reggie, “So feisty, isn’t she?”

He chuckled along with you and nodded, and then looked at the mail he had remaining, “Ooh would you look at that! You got spoiled… you not only got a letter but a small parcel from Mr. Joel..” he shook the parcel in front of you teasingly like he did with Maria.

You blushed slightly and smiled “Wait what? He sent a parcel?” you asked, reaching for the letter and parcel, confused as you didn’t know what he could have possibly had sent.

Reggie pulled back to tease you further, he had a shit eating grin plastered on his face, “Would you look at that! You’re blushing… Oooh you liiike him!”

You chuckled and went to grab the items again, “No, I-” only for him to pull them away and start to run away from you like a child.

Now you were pissed. Before he got out of arm's reach you grabbed him by the collar of the shirt and pinned him against the bunk bed he and Terrance shared, “Hey shit stain, you wanna play this game with me?”

Reggie swallowed hard and shook his head.

“Good boy. Now give me my mail.” you smirked, holding out your free hand. He slowly gave you both items. You let his collar go then gave him a playful punch to the gut, “Thanks Reggie..”

He coughed and groaned in pain, “Not cool, man.”

You ignored him and went to sit down at their desk, now curious as to what the hell Joel sent to you.

You looked between the two items and tried to decide which to open first. You looked at the post date and saw the parcel was sent first so opened that one.

You pulled out the postcard and started to read it and then stopped when he mentioned the first item in the package.

You slowly took the disposable camera out and smiled widely then went back to the postcard, reading that part.

‘The camera is to be a placeholder until you get back, then I’m gonna get you a digital one. I’m now curious and want to see what you can do with one of those…

…I’ll process them and then when you get home, I’ll hand deliver all the photos you took, we’ll call it a meet and greet and it’ll give us a good excuse to meet up…’

You smiled at that last part warmly, as well as a warmth creeping up your neck up to your cheeks as you liked he wanted an excuse to meet up. You wanted the same, very much so.

You then pulled out the second item, the velvet bag inside the parcel.

As Levi would have said ‘Close your mouth honey, you look like a trout.’ with how wide your jaw dropped when you realized the pendant inside.

You looked and read the passage about the significance and meaning behind the pendant. Tears welled up and a few streamed down as you read through the remainder of the postcard, lightly chuckling to yourself at his closing remark about praying away the bugs.

The thought and sincerity behind the symbol alone was enough to make you want to sob tears of joy.

No one, and you meant it, no one, in years, made you feel this seen. This cared for.. or given you even an ounce of genuine sincerity without wanting something in return.

All Joel wanted was your time. He wanted to get to know you more from what this felt like. He wanted to make you happy and feel safe, at least that’s what acts like this made you feel.

You felt nothing but warmth by this gesture.

You took the pendant and put it around your neck, wearing it proudly and feeling ten times lighter with it on.

You looked back at the rest of the group, wanting to stay in this moment by yourself and Joel just a little longer. They were all still head deep in their mail, you smiled as you turned back around and opened the letter excitedly, almost ripping with your eagerness.

“Shit…” you giggled to yourself at how giddy you felt.

You pulled out the letter first then pulled out the photo inside and immediately smiled brighter seeing Joel’s smile.

You traced your fingers over the photo and chuckled at Sarah’s goofy smile, wondering what the context of the photo is between the two of them.

You set the photo down and began reading the letter.

You felt nothing but comfort and security by his words of support.

‘In this case, sweetheart, you are 100% wrong about being alone. You’ve got me now. Right?’

You felt the warmth of your blushing immediately hit your cheeks and your cheeks started to hurt by how much you were smiling when reading over the term of endearment, sweetheart.

You smiled and nodded, thinking to yourself, ‘Yeah, I’ve got you now..’

You read the part about his grandfather carefully, taking in each detail he shared with you, appreciating his openness and vulnerability, sharing details about Sarah’s mother as well.

You smiled more reading how Sarah took the photo and asked to send it to you, but then chuckled reading how the Polaroid intimidates Joel. You imagined him not being the most tech savvy person and that made you chuckle more.

You blushed deeply and you felt a tug at your heart when he brought up texting when you got home, and nodded to yourself, you’d like that too. Hell, you’d love to keep up the letters as well. It could be your thing, together.

You continued reading, making mental notes of what questions to reply back to him in your next letter.. especially concerning the rocking chair, you would love to share your opinion with him.

You got to the part he scribbled out and looked confused, ‘Did he spell something wrong?’ you chuckled lightly as he was someone who never had typo’s or scribbles in his letters so far. You tried to decipher what it could have said holding it close to your eyes.

Then you then held it up to the desk light and as clear day it read,

“I was also wondering if you’d be open to Skype.. ”

You thanked God that Maria wasn’t around to see the stupid fucking smile you wore on your face right now, she’d never let you hear the end of it.

You put your hand over your mouth shyly to hide the excitement you wore across your face. If any of the other 2 dipshits saw how giddy you were over a letter from your ‘pen pal’, like Maria, they’d never shut up.

You traced your finger over the part and thought to yourself ‘Maybe he thought it was too forward? Too soon?’ You shrugged unbothered because to you, it was sweet he didn’t want to be too forward. It felt very gentlemanly, something you have never had or experienced. It made you feel special, respected.

It also didn’t matter because in your next letter you would ask him, rip the band aid off for the both of you.

You read the last little bit of the letter and let out a laugh louder than you would have liked at his last line about the Broncos, Vikings and Cowboys. Alerting the others and popping your little bubble prematurely for your liking.

Maria zoned in like a shark smelling blood in the water at that kind laugh. “What? What’s so funny?” she stood up, and started walking over to you, smiling.

You quickly cleared your throat and folded the letter up, “Oh uh.. Joel just said something about football that was funny.” you hoped to God she wouldn’t pick up on anything else.

She smiled and hummed in acknowledgement. She then went to walk back to her spot but then stopped and turned back towards you, looking at your necklace, “That’s new..”

It was then where you saw all the stupid damn dots connect in her head and smirked like the Grinch did when he plots to steal Christmas, “That’s new, as in the parcel from Joel, new..” she chuckled lowly and then crept back over, giddy as hell.

You turned bright red and grabbed the necklace in your fist to try and hide it, feeling exposed and caught red handed, “Maria stop it..” you whispered and chuckled trying to defuse how red you felt.

She laughed softly, slightly enjoying watching you squirm. She then grabbed your arm and lightly shook you a little, like the cuteness aggression took over her, then she stopped and whispered to you, “Ok… I’ll stop if you tell me everything when we are away from these two dipshits… and I mean everything.” she nodded to the necklace.

You looked over her shoulder at Terrance and Reggie, who were distracted by pages of Playboy they must’ve had a buddy mail to them. You chuckled and shook your head at how ‘boyish’ they could be. You looked back at Maria, “Fine, but we listen and we don’t judge or tease…”

She pondered for half a second, “I can’t fully agree with the no teasin’ part, but I won’t judge.” she stuck her hand out for you to shake in agreement.

You rolled your eyes and smiled “Fine.” you grabbed her hand and shook it, “Now drop it for now.”

She smiled and nodded “Deal. Lips are sealed.” she winked.

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