#also not mentioned in this but chaos knight respects dragon knight a lot but tries to convince him to get a horse a lot

[lavalais76]

I was reading terrible things about Sansa Stark and now my blood is boiling. How could people HATE an 11 yr old child who has absolutely no control over her own life. They went as far as to saying the mountain-clan will kidnap her and she will marry Timit!!!!😳

They also say Sansa will remain in the Vale until the end of the last book, but have no objections to Arya and Dany on a revenge killing spree. And for God's sake don't mention Sansa with Jon. They absolutely go INSANE, saying Dany and Jon will save humanity. Dany can't save anyone if she is killing millions of people and burning others alive.

Sansa will kill LF with the help of Timit is what they say and OHHH, Jon will marry Val. How TF can Val be QINT when she is a wilding and no real princess. She looks the part as Jon says, but we ALL know what kind of woman Jon REALLY CRAVE. A high born willowy creature who brushes her hair waiting for some knight to save her.

Jon craves Sansa Stark aNd I personally believe he always HAVE. My response to "these idiots was this: (and I could be wrong) but who knows.

Alyas Karstark was a red herring. Sansa is definitely the girl in grey. Miranda also has a grey cloak that went missing and WHY would Miranda mention Jon being LC to Sansa? There is a reason for all of that. Just like Arya and Jon were to fall in love in original version, it's going to be Sansa and Jon.

Jon even says he has no sister (,5Never considered Sansa a sister) he then says “my half sister truly” (that's what he and Sansa referred to each other as) He mistakes Melsandra for Ygritte, and says all robes are GREY in the dark, yet suddenly hers were RED. Martin is a hell of a writer, and I was in denial about Sansa being the grey girl as well. Not anymore.

Sansa is getting the hell out of the Vale. There will be no kidnapping from mointain-clans or falling in love with a secondary character such as Timit. What sense would that even make? Some people act as if Sansa doesn't matter, or she is some side character when she has one of the most tragic SAD stories in the whole series. She is scared and do whatever she has to do to survive, even if it means allowing LF to kiss her and molest her in which she has NO CONTROL over. It also blows my mind how people were “shipping” (and I hate that word) Sansa Stark and the HOUND of all monsters. Sansa has had 4 FALE BEASTS in her life. Joffery, Tyrion, The Hound, and LF. These men are evil and takes advantage of a young lonely 11 yr old girl who has been captured like a butterfly in a Jar. They are evil, YES; BUT they are NOT the real BEAST.

The real BEAST is Jon Snow. As we know, Jon was already a bit ruthless before the stabbings. (I do not think Jon died that night) For ONE: We need to think about the SNOW and hypothermia which can save the lives of people who are bleeding by knife wound or gunshot would. It's simple Science. Will Jon be on the brink of death and have a Near death experience? YES. There will be a lot of chaos at Castle Black and the wildings are very loyal to Jon. Eventually they will be ruling the wall while Jon recovers along with a few other loyal CROWS that love and respect Jon.

Master Ameon had a dragon dream when him, Gilly and Sam sailed off. He couldn't shake the feeling that he needed to tell Jon Snow that “ the cold preserves.” A fan asked GRRM about Jon's resurrection, and Martin said, “You think Jon is dead do you?” Maybe he was toying around, but everyone automatically assumed he DIED when there is absolutely NO EVIDENCE.

“He never felt the 4 knife only the cold” How do we even know there was a 4th knife or any other knives afterwards? Why was Jon’s hand clumsy when he tried to pull his sword out? Did they drug him? Why was Ghost acting hostile before the stabbings? Of course Ghost knew what was up. There is no telling who is involved in the attempt on Jon's life. Melsandra told him to watch the ones who smile in his face while they sharpen their daggers. I don't even rule Satin out, as Ive said many, many times.

On the show, Ollie was Satin in my opinion. They did not want to give it away. Back to Jon and Sansa and a few other things. First I want to say, Melsandra will definitely burn Shrinee thinking Stannis is actually dead. She will play absolutely NO PART in bringing Jon back from his “coma”. It's going to be Jon's wolf who saves him and release his soul back into his body, and Ghost will die, also sliding his shadow into Jon because Jon IS GHOST.

He will definitely be a beast and he will not be the same Jon as we know him. This is where Sansa Stark ( girl in grey) will come along and temper Jon just like she did the hound. They will eventually work together and fall in love and struggle with these feelings because keep in mind, Jon and Sansa does not know each other AT ALL. Yes, he will welcome her in open arms and be extremely protective of her, and yes they will fight while trying to get their home back or when they have to rebuild Winterfell together. (The blood of Winterfell)

Sansa Stark is destined to go North because she is the only one out of all the Stark children who has her wolf buried at Winterfell, and as Melsandra like to say: “the bones remember"

[eirikaanemo]

Can You Keep A Secret?

Warnings: imprisonment, mentions of starvation and sickness

Note: I haven't actually played Dvalin's quest but I tried to keep it as close to canon as possible. Feel free to leave a comment or message me if you see something wrong.

Venti x GN!Reader

1.9k Words

Your soulmate is secretly Barbatos... now what?

Everyone has a soulmate. And everyone is born knowing your soulmate's biggest secret. For most people it’s really unhelpful, but for some people it helps them find their soulmate. You’re in the latter group, because yours gives you a name.

You've known your whole life that your soulmate is secretly Barbatos. It's… interesting, to say the least. Of course you'd never dare to tell anyone. Thankfully, asking someone what their soulmate’s secret is isn’t very common. It’s considered to be very rude, so no one asks you what your secret is. They'd think you're crazy!

Barbatos hasn't been around for centuries and you're a mortal. This is the sort of thing you would read about in trashy romance novels! But even though it’s crazy and kind of overwhelming, you know it's true. You don't know if he'd ever accept you or want to be with you, in fact, you’re pretty sure he won’t, but you want to try.

Once that’s settled, you just have to find him. If he's anywhere, it's probably the city of Mondstadt. That’s where he seems to have shown up the most in the past, after all. So you move to Mondstadt. It’s a nice place and the people are friendly. Finding a job with the Knights of Favonius was fairly easy and it paid pretty well.

Unfortunately, the 'Storm-terror' problem starts shortly after you move. He throws the whole city into chaos the first time, and then proceeds to keep doing it regularly. The fear is all encompassing, but that's fine, you try to convince yourself. It will all be worth it when you find him. ‘If you find him’, your traitorous mind whispers.

It's been months, a year even, and you're starting to lose hope. How were you expecting to find Barbatos anyway? Shout from the rooftops for him to reveal himself and whisk you away? He hasn't been around for a long time and you knew that. And to be honest, at this point you've given up.

Going home is the logical thing to do, it’s where your family is after all. But you stay because you made yourself a home here. You have friends: Jean, Lisa, and Kaeya. You have come to love the city: music, freedom, and camaraderie. Well, you love the city except for the 'Storm-terror' attacks. Those aren't very lovable.

What concerns you the most though is that 'Storm-terror' is a dragon. And dragons trend to be important (like, archon important). But no one seems to remember this one. So you research. You visit the cathedral and speak with some nuns. You dedicate some time to listening to bard’s tales, asking them if they know any songs about dragons. One does, and it's surprisingly informational. You spend time at the library, pouring through book after book. And after all this investigation, you've come to the conclusion that 'Storm-terror' is actually Dvalin of the Four Winds. Not that anyone actually believes you

It didn't stop you from telling people your theory though, and being more respectful in how you refer to him, despite all the damage he's caused. Eventually they do start considering it and the city starts catching on. If you keep doing this, you may be able to change the city's perspective of and reaction to Dvalin.

The abyss mage catches on to this, and he just can't let that happen. It could compromise the whole plan. So one day he has Dvalin abduct you and locks you up. And true to your luck, this happens out of the blue while you’re taking a walk that you’d finally convinced Jean to go on with you. Which, of course, reverses all your progress and makes the situation even worse than it was before. Incidentally, this also does the exact opposite of what you’d been trying to do by stressing out poor Jean more.

The abyss mage doesn’t care about anything other than making sure you’re not able to go back to Mondstadt. The mage does not care about human necessities. Who cares if you die? Not him. He hates humans. It's kind of part of his job description.

Your prison is where Dvalin retreats to when not attacking. And the mage has to go report to someone else sometimes, giving you opportunities to speak with Dvalin. He never responds to you, but you can tell he eventually starts listening. You start by rambling about various subjects; then talking about how you know he's Dvalin, and that you're sorry he was being treated like he was, once you know he is listening. Because while you don’t know the whole situation, you know that he feels hurt by how humans have treated him.

After several days of talking to him, he slowly starts warming up to you. It’s a strange sort of bond that grows stronger as time goes on. He starts responding and the two of you actually have conversations instead of just you talking. Eventually you even mention how you know your soulmate is actually Barbatos and that you've kind of given up finding him.

He gives a thoughtful hum, lets you vent out your feelings, tries to think of an appropriate response, then allows you to drop the subject once you’ve worn yourself out emotionally. It’s becoming obvious that your health, physical, mental, and emotional, is degrading faster as time goes on.

One day Dvalin and the mage both disappear for longer than usual. After the mage makes sure you won’t be able to escape, of course. It’s not like you would’ve been able to leave anyway. At that point you’re not able to do much at all.

Little did you know that only Dvalin would be returning. They ended up facing the traveler and their companions in battle, and Dvalin was freed from the mage’s influence. The first thing Dvalin does is take them to help "the one decent human, that he actually cares about". You're in bad shape at this point, starving, sick, and weak. But you’re aware enough to hear Jean call your name and feel someone gather you in their arms before blacking out.

When you wake up you're at the cathedral and are feeling much better. Certainly you are not fully recovered, that will take weeks. That one bard who was able to play you a song about Dvalin is always there. You vaguely remember him being there when you were found. He doesn’t really interact with you much, he’s just kind of there, but he does play peaceful music that helps you fall asleep when you’re struggling to rest.

Then the day comes for you to go home. They’ve done all they can for you and you’re past the worst of it. But you’re well enough to be out and about. “Now you take care of yourself,” Barbara lectures you. “Don’t push yourself, get plenty of rest, drink lots of water, and eat three square meals a day, got it?”

“Got it,” you confirm. “Thank you for taking care of me, I really appreciate your help.” She smiles, wishes you well, and returns to the cathedral. You take a moment to breathe and just appreciate being back home, free of your prison and the small cathedral room they’d kept you in while treating you.

Taking a deep breathe you start on your way home. “Hey!” You hear someone exclaim behind you. “Could you hold on a second?” Turning around, you see the bard quickly excusing himself from a street performance before running to catch up to you. Once he’s caught up, he gives you a smile.

“Hi! I’m Venti the bard! Would you be willing to speak with me about something? It’s kind of private so we would need to go to windrise or something, but you’ll want to hear this, I promise.” He says. “Alright,” you agree, “but I can’t make it all the way to windrise. Would my home do? I live alone so we’ll have privacy.” He nods, “that’ll work great!”

The walk home is quiet but comfortable. The bard’s content to hum a tune as he follows you through the streets. Soon you’re home, unlocking the door to let you and your guest in. You lead him over to the couch where you both sit down. “So,” you say, “what did you want to talk about?”

“Well, I was talking with Dvalin a day or so after we freed both of you and he said you mentioned you came to Mondstadt searching for your soulmate. And that you said your soulmate’s biggest secret, the one that you know, is that they’re Barbatos,” he explains. You feel a pang of betrayal at Dvalin’s actions and some guilt for sharing your soulmate’s secret in the first place.

It probably showed on your face because he quickly spoke up again. “He didn’t just tell me for no reason though. You see, I am Barbatos. I’m your soulmate.” Your head, which had been drooping with the weight of your emotions suddenly shot up as you fumbled for a response.

Apparently that showed too because he continued, “And I’m sorry I made it so hard for you to find me. I’m sorry I almost made you give up on me. Most of my waking time is spent incognito so I can watch over everyone while not being put in a position of authority. I didn’t anticipate meeting you ”

There’s a moment or two of silence as you gather your thoughts. “It’s okay,” you assure him. “I understand why you did what you did and I’ll never hold it against you. How were you supposed to know I was even born yet, not to mention that I’ve been in the area searching for you.”

You take another moment or two to gather your wits. “I will also understand if you don’t want to do anything about this,” you state. “I don’t want you to feel forced into having a relationship with me if you don’t want to. The last thing I’d want to do is be responsible for making you miserable. And that’s not to mention how you’re an archon and I’m just a mortal.”

Your talking speeds up as you start rambling, losing control of the conversation as you feel more and more nervous. Once you realize you’re rambling you shut your mouth with a click. “Sorry about that,” you mutter. “I do that sometimes when I’m nervous.”

When you chance a glance at him, he honestly looks a little offended but mostly just really sad. “Is- is that really what you think I think about this?” He asks softly. “Because it’s not. I absolutely want this. I absolutely want you. I’ve been looking forward to this moment for millenia and I wouldn’t give this up for the world.”

He reaches over and slowly, hesitantly, so as to give you time to escape if you want, gathers you into his arms. You realize that he’s the one who picked you up to bring you home. Your ear rests against his chest as lean against him, and his heart skips a beat as you gently grab one of his hands and kiss it. “I’m glad,” you breathe. “I’m glad too,” he voices softly.

You yawn, feeling the exhaustion from your journey home and the rest of the day hit you. He pulls you close and whispers in your ear, “Sleep well, my cecilia, I’ll be here when the sun comes up and when you wake up.” You fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.

[allykakamatsu]

FE SS X DRV3 General plot

Once again, I’m back on my bulls**t. Got the basics for the AU sorted now so let’s take a look, as well as what most of the characters are doing

Plot Outline:

As I mentioned in the first post https://allykakamatsu.tumblr.com/post/649470604067717120/fe-ss-x-drv3 the reason the class is in Magvel in the first place is because Monokuma decided that trapping them in the game was gonna be the motive, where you either have to end the war/beat the game or kill someone from the real world in order to get out. The characters got sent to various points in the timeline, and as you can imagine, this changed quite a lot.

Shuichi Saihara:

•The last one to wake up, aka got sent to when the game starts rather than some time before like the others.

•Ends up unintentionally becoming Eirika’s bodyguard as they run into each other while the Princess is trying to get to Frelia and Seth has gone missing dun dun dun

•Sticks around as Eirika knows where Kaede is and because he doesn’t want to leave her on her own.

•Can use magic, but still needs to work on his aim. Aka, never let him fight an enemy that’s near a tree.

•Still better than when he uses a Lance, he just stabs wildly and hope it works

•Because he doesn’t get the pre-war time everyone else had to get ready, he does get the advantage of remembering other things, though they’re things he’d rather not remember.

Kaede Akamatsu:

•Was sent to Renais and ended up getting adopted by the royals, so she’s the Twin’s step-sister.

•Despite her accidental new status, doesn’t change too much, and enjoys her time with her new family even if she’s always scarred about when the war will start

•As such, she’s also very overprotective and always goes with Ephriam to his dumb stunts, under the guise of being all for it.

•Very over dramatic organ player.

•Like Eirika she’s good with swords, but tends to specialise in staffs.

•Is part of Ephriams four (well now five) man army trying to take Grado down.

Maki Harukawa:

•Woke up in Jehana but didn’t stick around for long due to not liking the heat.

•Ended up travelling with Tenko for a while as travelling mercenaries, but when Maki’s work started leaning on the assassin side again she left so the Aikido Master wouldn’t get involved.

•After that becomes an assassin for hire, and she works for people all over the continent, including with Rausten which (unfortunately) led to her seeing Kokichi again

•”If it wasn’t for the fact your Princess hired me I’d kill you”

•Eventually after several jobs making her infamous, she was hired by Kirumi to help protect Eirika.

•Agreed, and was extra motivated due to Shuichi being dragged into this.

Himiko Yumeno:

•One of only two who was over the moon to be sent to Magvel, because now she has real MAGIC

•Winds up in Lute and Arthur’s village, where she joins their friend group to become master Mages.

•Constantly getting on Lute’s nerves for napping during practice.

•More energetic than usual, but that just means when she’s out she’s out for the count.

•Specialises in thunder magic, but that’s mostly not to steal Lute’s thunder, well, fire in this case.

•Goes with Arthur to get help when the village is attacked by monsters to “make sure they don’t claw him to death”

Angie Yonaga:

•Ends up becoming a priestess in Grado.

•Doesn’t really like spreading the word of non-Atua figures, but sticks around because Atua said so.

•Also leads to her becoming friends with Natasha and also ‘friends’ with Cormag

•Was already growing weary of the Empire when she heard about the war, but when Natasha was branded a traitor she knew something was up and went after her.

•Still always smiling, which depending on the person is a relief to see someone keeping their hopes up, or disturbing cause “does she ever not smile?”

•Mostly a light magic user, but can heal and not afraid to staff bonk.

Kirumi Tojo:

•Was sent to Frelia and became a servant at the castle very fast.

•Joined the staff only a few days before ‘The Frelian Tragedy’ where the crown Prince was kidnapped and presumed dead.

•Because of this and the King being so busy, Kirumi ended up being the one to console the young Princess Tana.

•Ended up becoming a mother/big sister figure and was offered a change of position as the nanny. Ended up taking it and staying on maid duty, and eventually rose to head maid.

•More open with her emotions, but still quite reserved.

•Can use all weapons well, but prefers spears and staffs.

Kokichi Oma:

•Not known where or when he first arrived, but after 3 years ended up in Rausten.

•Wound up as part of L’Arachel’s entourage due to his battle skills and her liking his attitude.

•Dream tam for each other, nightmare for everyone else.

•Was rumoured to be part of the Frelian Tragedy, but no one can prove it or knows how.

•With L’Arachel for most of the war, but ran off for a bit to drag Renac back

•A full blown trickster class, so swords and staffs for him.

Kiibo:

•Since Robots don’t exist, he’s a dragon now.

•Excited that he’s living and breathing, but scarred because “How did I change species?!”

•Eventually finds Myrrh and she thankfully sets things straight.

•Proud of his new species, but does miss his old life.

•When Selena steals her dragon stone, he tries to get it back, only to get caught in some trees while in dragon form.

•After that accompanies her on Ephriam and Kaede’s path to get the stone back.

Rantaro Amami:

•A former wyvern rider turned pegasus knight

•Yes, somehow he got a pegasus to trust him enough to let him ride, to the confusion of everyone else.

•Was with Grado for a while, but jumped ship to Jehana about three years before the war.

•When he learned that the Queen’s son had run away, his big brother instincts kicked in and he volunteered to find him.

•His search eventually led to Carcino where he found Joshua alone with the rest of Eirika’s party.

•Agreed to tag along so he could keep an eye on the gambling Prince and so he could help out Shuichi.

•Good with lances, but way better with flying.

Miu Iruma:

•A wyvern rider from Grado, though an unconventional one (I mean, it’s Miu)

•She and Rantaro were part of the same squad, but she stayed unlike him.

•Good at making all her allies lives a living hell with her antics (RIP Cormag) but she’s kept around due to her skill

•Saw Valter kill Glenn, but while trying to tell Cormag, got sidetracked by seeing Selena try to take Kiibo’s dragonstone, which made her go “F**k it”, swear the Flurspar out, and switched sides to team Ephriam.

•The only wyvern who uses an axe. Everyone calls her crazy for it but hey, whatever works.

Tenko Chabishira:

•Was in Renais at first, but after being ditched by Maki she went to Jehana due to her unsurprisingly wanting to be in the nation lead by a queen rather than a king like the rest.

•Ends up bumping into Marisa on a job, and once it’s over she convinces Tenko to join the Mercenaries.

•Loves Tethys and Marisa, so she stays no matter what, but she does eventually get some respect for Gherik.

•Doesn’t stop her from thinking somethings up with Kiyo and the new recruit who won’t take his mask off.

•Would’ve joined up with team Eirika either way since everyone else agreed, Himiko being there just made her a lot more aggressive with it.

•Axes all the way baby!

Korekiyo Shinguji:

•Wound up in Caer Pelyn, which royally confused everyone, but they kinda just rolled with it.

•Stayed due to his interest in the village, but when he was about to leave Ewan stopped by, and after a misunderstanding about why he wanted to leave Kiyo gets dragged into the mercenaries.

•At first only stayed due to wanting to send his sister more ‘friends’, but after seeing Tethys and Ewan act like how siblings are supposed to act, he realised how badly he screwed up, so he ends up sticking around to find out what real siblings are meant to do.

•Gladly joins up with team Eirika once they show up not only to stay with his allies, but also to get some more ‘sibling role models’

•Good with dark magic and staffs, but is in the summoner class..... be very afraid.

Kaito Momota:

•Woke up in Carcino, but after realising the guys in charge were assholes, he left and started travelling all over as a mercenary.

•After seeing Ephriam and Kaede storm a castle with 5 people total and win, he got the bright idea to become a masked hero busting innocents Grado captured out of jail and just generally be a thorn in their side.

•Formed a bit of a partnership with Kokichi because of this cause hey, where else in Magvel are you going to get smoke bombs.

•Eventually met Lyon, and after they explained what was going on to him, Kaito decided to risk it all on them as he let himself get caught to help bust Knoll out of jail, which worked, albeit with a lot of extra help from team Ephriam.

•All and all, more or less the same, just in WAY over his head.

•Of course he’s in the Hero class, so that means swords and axes.

Tsumugi Shirogane:

•The only one who’s played the game before, and easily the most excited, especially as she ended up in Grado and to be more specific as Lyon’s adopted sister.

•Thought she could get everything she wanted due to this being a game, but ended up having a bit of an existential crisis when the world turns out to be harder to manipulate and more real then she thought.

•Not wanting to accept that fiction can be real to, decided to take the demon kings power that wasn’t in Lyon (this was before the stone was shattered so that means most of it) to try get control back.

•This, of course, backfires, as while her already wanting to cause chaos/drama meant she kept her sense of self for longer, her lie eventually crashed in as once Shuichi got her to accept that fiction can be real she got completely possessed.

•Has the same class as Lyon, though she’s less tanky in exchange for being faster, worth it when you’re dealing with dark tomes.

Well, that’s everything for now. Hope you enjoy!

[beeapocalypse]

since nobody is talking about the very important subject of chaos knight and abaddon i will take it upon myself because i love these boys,, 

edit: take thsi gross ass thing from my drafts take it i cant believe i typed all of this without somehow dying my love for these two fucks kept me alive

Abaddon is generally avoided by the rest of his team because he has that ~spooky mist aesthetic~ going for him but he doesnt really notice ever because it was much the same at the house avernus. For him all that he’s really there to do is destroy the enemy ancient and keep his team from dying so while everyone might be wary of him they can appreciate his dedication to the cause and his no-nonsense attitude (and the dozens of shields and mist coils that keep them alive probably shdsk). Keeping with his ‘not like the other kids’ kind of vibe Abaddon doesn’t join in with any festivities after a victory (or defeat, if the other team is generous and his gracious) and spends most of his time tending to his mount, reading (he’s secretly got a thing for Poe-esque poetry and the odd romance), or walking throughout the woods aimlessly as he ponders deep mysterious mysteries of the mist. Nobody has seen his face and he intends to keep it that way (under his helmet and all of the mist that just kind of naturally pools out of his skin he looks surprisingly human, with a dark angular face and faint scars from his life of protecting the font, but his glowing piercing eyes and strange echo-y voice reveal his true nature). While he wields his weapon with his right hand, Abaddon is ambidextrous and tends to write with his left. He’s got a soft spot for kids and shows it off in his own weird gruff brand of kindness (making sure they’re getting enough to eat, maybe slipping them a few coins). The mist is chilly?? like if you touch it you’ll probably shiver (being encased in an aphotic shield or hit by a mist coil is REALLY cold and feels really unpleasant and slimy too) and since the mist comes from Abaddon’s skin he himself is like a little popsicle. Besides the fact that he distances himself and most people avoid him, his team doesn’t go out of their way to do stuff like pat his back or whatever because the cold is only amplified by their metal armor (Rylai has remarked on how chilly he was, and is the hero most open to small touches because she doesn’t mind the cold. Lina jokingly offered to hit him with a laguna blade to see if THAT would warm him up a little. Abaddon very politely refused before riding off into the woods to sulk). 

Chaos Knight, or Nessaj, on the other hand is the boisterous life of the party once you get a couple of flagons in him. Eons of existence hunting down the Keeper of the Light has left him with quite a lot of stories and a whole lot of experience, and he’s happy to share it with anyone who asks. Even when you don’t ask sometimes, since he has a habit of talking if he thinks its too quiet and awkward. Nessaj admires prowess on the battlefield, especially if someone can match him. His horse Armageddon is unbelievably pampered (think those little chihuahuas that ladies carry around in their handbags and get claw pedicures for) and he goes out of his way to interact with any other horses he sees on his team, or the enemy’s after an ancient is destroyed (despite his love for the beasts he isn’t the best at discerning any other animals from horses as shown by how he CANONICALLY ASKS BAT RIDER IF HE TAUGHT HIS ‘’’’HORSE’’’’ HOW TO FLY AND CALLS MIRANA AND LUNA’S CATS ‘AN UGLY HORSE’ UFCK). Nessaj is a stickler for any games of chance and betting on the most random of things (like along the lines of betting Slark a clarity that sometime during the match he’ll get killed because he tripped over his own feet. Slark, being the awful criminal fishman that he is, will always accept and then focus the entire match on NOT doing that instead of actually paying attention to his surroundings or whatever). Whenever he summons the other versions of himself from different planes, it feels like getting the wind knocked out of him and he feels mildly off balance for a bit even after they leave again. He smells vaguely like burnt cinnamon and smoke and is REALLY WARM (like a furnace kind of,, if you sit too close to him you’ll start to feel gross and sweaty and he can make a room warmer when he steps inside of it but he personally never feels overly hot?? just kind of like how you feel when you put on clothes that just got out of the dryer. He’s never felt really cold in his existence and Rylai is the only one who’s ever been able to make him shiver). Nessaj is like a bottomless pit when it comes to eating (he knows lot about food too, since he’s been hunting down the Keeper of the Light for a LONG time and thus travels from plane to plane a lot) and has been challenged to competitions to Pudge before. 

The first time the two of them meet, its during the start of their first match of being on the same team. They’d both heard of each other before (with Nessaj being impressed by Abaddon’s long history of combat and the abilities granted to him by the mist, and Abaddon noting the Elemental’s presence and his fabled skill among the rest of the rabble of heroes with little interest before moving on), but Nessaj was the only one who was really interested in meeting the other. It was he who suggested that the two of them lane together, and they make for a surprisingly good team. Abaddon keeps up his doom and gloom attitude for the time but still pays attention to Nessaj’s chatter and keeps him safe whenever necessary. He occasionally comments on a story or adds in his own commentary without thought, opening up as time passes. Something about the two sided knight, both deadly on the field and personable by his side, not ever seeming to be wary of him because of his off putting appearance and attitude, set Abaddon at ease. It was Nessaj who, when the match ended in their victory and the rest of the two team set off to be holy terrors at the nearest bar to celebrate, got the misty horseman to come along for the festivities. While Abaddon ends up spending most of the night (and the eventual early morning- when the teams party, they go all or nothing most of the time and party HARD) sitting alone at the table furthest from everyone else as they give him the occasional odd glance, being their and watching everyone else have fun and be happy makes him happy. Nessaj drifts between the two teams and the lone horseman throughout the night and, while he doesn’t really tone down his voice or general excitability, its the thought that counts. 

As their friendship progresses Nessaj becomes a kind of?? link between Abaddon and the rest of the team. What started out as going to post-match celebrations and sitting on the sidelines slowly becomes joining the rest of his team regularly for meals when Nessaj is there and sometimes joining in on conversations. He becomes closer with other heroes as time passes, from discussing weird prophetic mist visions with Nerif to swapping stuffy timeworn literature with Lanaya (he Ostarion and Phoenix probably form a ‘Just Try To Kill Us’ club at one point and meet up to talk about how cool it is to be so hard to kill hdfksks). 

uhhhhh FUCK i have more i want to say about this but i cant think right now so take this mess,, nice

[tillman]

hi i ranked every single dark souls 1 character by who i think is the most kissable . its 79 characters all with a description of why theyre at the place theyre at with images for reference :-) its all under cut for u to enjoy.. thank u

this is all my opinion cus hehe im making the list but also im god so this is fact now . 

counting down because u know what ! buildup is fun and i have to start off with everyones most favorite:

GWYN - 79

im kidding. fuck gwyn and everything he stands for. he wouldnt even be a good kisser he doesnt have FUCKING LIPS

SEATH - 78

oh you really wanna kiss the incel dragon who kidnaps ladies for his weird experiements?? yeah?? who are you, big hat logan?

EINGYI - 77

heres one i wont get hate for: this fucking asshole . die bastard . he cant even kiss his face is all infected and gross!

KAATHE - 76

he sucks.

SMOUGH - 75

not only is he too big to kiss! hes a cannibal!! hed eat you!!!! thats no kiss i want!

MANUS - 74

listen i know yall love daddies and all that but hes manipulative and not a nice person so id watch out. i GUESS hes kissable as he was a human before but def not a good kiss

BED OF CHAOS - 73

its just some vines that sometimes set on fire!! If it were still the witch of izalith she would be probally in the 20s as shes a good person who tried very hard to help the world but in this state... u cant even kiss her!

FRAMPT - 72

better than kaathe but the whole no lips and being a manipulative snake monster really throws me off and shoves him down at the bottom

FINA (GODDESS OF LOVE/BEAUTY (?)) - 71

(mentioned character - no image sorry :-( )

Listen as much as im all for love, this is love u dont want ! just trust me dont be lautrec dont do it you dont want to kiss fina listen to me. please dont kiss fina.

VINCE AND NICO - 70

way of the white members are NOTABLY unkissable but these guys. are just so boring. theyll be your white bread boyfriend as neil would say... bad kissers and bad people!

LAUTREC - 69 

aw fuck wait can i make another character 69 he doesnt deserve it. anyways not only is he not over his ex (fina) hed probally gut you and steal your lunch money half way through the kiss anyways so whats the point . thats not how u treat a lover idiot

CENTIPEDE DEMON - 68

it eats your face and you die. next pleaaase

PETRUS - 67

another way of the white cleric. he at least starts off nice and he says fuck rich people but also he let that happen to rhea and i fucking hate his guts so no.

PALADIN LEEROY - 66 

out of all the way of the white idiots hes the best in that he wears armor and seems cool but its the way of the white man.  i cant get past that. sorry leeroy at least your armor is cool. he probably hasnt kissed someone in hundreds of years anyways 

MOONLIGHT BUTTERFLY - 65

delicate ... but beautiful! i dunno how to smooch it but i def would if i could ! i dont think it can kiss back but, o well! we all have flaws

IRON GOLEM - 64

it cant kiss back but its COOL and can throw me like a javelin so like . yeehaw id smooch its little face place 

UNDEAD MERCHANTS (BOTH) - 63

between moss and yulia i think they got enough on their plates! plus since theyre so hollowed, i dont think they have any lips to kiss back with! 

INGWARD - 62

hes not like . bad persay but also i dont trust him after he helped with new londo. cool design tho. i wanna kiss that bird beak mask

JEREMIAH - 61

was a bullfrog, and never took off his crown long enough to kiss another person...... i feel like if he did though! oh boy!!!

Asylum Demon + Demon Firesage + Stray Demon - 60

more kissable than some bosses, but still not the greatest lips. good butts though on all of them.... so i guess thats fr u kinky people 

SNUGGLY THE CROW - 59

(no image shes a crow) 

please stop drawing her as an anime girl shes literally just a grow that likes warm things oh my god you freaks be nice to her

BIG HAT LOGAN - 58

hes hard to kiss around the hat! and on that note hes pretty much taken with his obsession with seath. good luck! hes nice though so better than most of this list so far

GAPING DRAGON - 57

ranked so high because past its giant underbelly of teeth and destruction is this very tiny head which i think is so funny i cant help but want to kiss its little snoot.... hehe baby

PRINCE RICARD - 56

oh now were actually getting into kissable range! ricard is a prince (maybe even of astora... kissability increase.) so his high ranking might get you some kissability points, but the hollowing is gonna lower that. 4/10 no kissable lips!

4 KINGS - 55

whats better than a prince..... a king... whats better than a king..................  4 KINGS! just watch out for their overly anime spiky armor and the fact their in a never ending void nightmare but they do have faces so thats points above the rest!

SALAMAN - 54

(mentioned character only! sorry!)

hmmmm we dont learn much about him other than he was close with quelana and he was ............ hot!  hes a pyromancer.  being of the great swamp pushes him down a bit because he prolly smells like his name sake but u know what ! maybe hes cute! we cant be sure! hes in the running at least!

TAURUS DEMON - 53

hmm... bad lover.... good kisser................................................... the things i do for big beefy demon love.

GOUGH - 52

While you cant kiss gough cus all the sap in his helmet i cant bare to put him lower than he is hes just so sweet. a kiss on his helmet because i love him so much

NITO - 51

while he cant kiss back, nito deserves a kiss or two! plus he has a lot of hands so u can hold his hands and be hugged at the same time and u know what that might be just as good as a nice kiss. good on you nito!

STONE DRAGON - 50

again a non kisser........ damn beaks! the stone dragon does need a kiss though. they havent seen another living soul in years down in ash lake! so im giving them points on that alone.

VAMOS - 49

like the last two.... no lips! vamos though makes up for it in his charm and wit, and his exceptional skill in smithing! so even without lips to kiss, you still should kiss vamos! hes a good friend

ARIAMIS - 48

(mentioned !)

wow... a painter! and a skilled one at that! this man created the painted world used to keep priscilla safe and that is so noble it gives him points right off the bat! i feel like though, as an artist, he might be a bit weird about it. so watch out and be safe, but in the end, get free art and some free smooches out of him!

ELIZABETH - 47

thats my mom ... of course she gets a good cheek smooch for all her hard work keeping dusk safe!

DOMHNALL - 46

i love domhnall hes a good guy whos trying his best but also his mask is so fucking goofy i dunno if i can do it .

RICKERT - 45

as much as i think rickert would be a good kiss (hes smart, cute, and skilled!) he is trapped behind some bars willingly and probably wont let you in. i can dream though!

CEASLESS DISCHARGE - 44

if theres any boss that NEEDS a kiss its him. poor dude lost all his family and was turned into this laughing stock of a creature. youd probably burn your lips but .... please just be nice to him :-(

SHIVAS BODYGUARD - 43

ooo a strong yet silent type.... hes even cute under his mask! good kiss, but i feel like he might just care more about his actual job than a kiss ! hes dedicated !

CIARAN - 42

putting aside me knowing shed be a good kisser, i just understand she probably doesnt want a kiss right now, shes grieving over the loss of her friend and i respect her comfort. maybe a good pat on the shoulder and a cup of nice tea with her would be nice though! 

PINWHEEL - 41

may seem like a weird choice to put a necromancer up so high on the list but.... honestly pinwheel needs some love. dude lost his whole family and in trying to revive them accidentally fused them to himself. while he might not be the best kisser, i honestly just wanna tell him everythings gonna be ok.

KIRK - 40

ok if you know me you KNOW how much it pains me to put kirk so low but. hes a busy guy! not only is he doing so much work to help out where he can with the fair lady, but you might just get pricked by his spiky armor while youre going in for the smooch! so, as much as he deserves a kiss for all his hard work, maybe pass until another time!

SIEGLINDE - 39

were getting there! she is just so strong... and so brave........ she may not even be undead! sieglinde is so strong and wonderful doing all that just to deliver a message to her unruly father, she deserves so many kisses! Shes got a lot on her plate though so please respect her......

BERENIKE - 38

(just mentioned!)

implied to be a huge strong knight who made it to even sens fortress! yes please ! 

BELL GARGOYLES - 37

hmmmmm,.......... if u can get past the whole lighting your face on fire, these are two loyal gargoyles! that seems pretty good to me!

BEATRICE - 36

a wonderful helpful witch friend! she is so nice to help you defeat flying bosses with her magic!! i love her so much! shes even cute to boot! 

GIANT BLACKSMITH - 35

HE HELP ANYTIME................... I HAVE TO GIVE HIM A KISS FOR ALL HIS HARD WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LEGALLY I HAVE TO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RHEA - 34

putting aside my hatred of the way of white.... rhea really is just a babey.... shes adorable and kind and just wants everyone to be ok so im won over. maybe a little forehead smooch for being such a good person!

OSCAR - 33

oh oscar. a noble, heroic, and cute knight but in the end. would he be a good kisser........ i feel yes, but maybe not so much so! hes busy focusing on being a hero you know! hes a good friend and i cant help but fall in love with nice guys

THE FAIR LADY - 32

she deserves the entire world and all i can give her is my humanity and a kiss........... sobs. i wish i could do more to ease her pain but she is so strong and wonderful! please give her a nice smooch! 

QUELANA - 31

i didnt wanna separate them ........ her wonderful sister! who even taught humans pyromancies! shes smart and nice, and honestly probably needs a kiss. 

MILDRED - 30

uh my notes from last night are just

so yeah! thats mildred!

CRESTFALLEN MERCHANT - 29

hes sad as fuck but also... kinda handsome! he was a knight of berenike and made it almost all of the way through sens fortress showing how skilled he is! a strong man like this (inspired by maybe the best kisser in demons souls, boirr) has to be a good kiss!

SIEGMEYER - 28

hes going through a lot right now but... how could u not think siegmeyer is kissable. thats on you man. thats your own character flaw.

OSWALD - 27

ok this might be slightly controversial but i feel like oswald would be a good kisser. if you got past his slightly weird love for velka who well get to (thats just carimites (carimians? carimfolk???)) hes nice and kind and maybe the funkiest character in dark souls

KALAMEET - 26

another cant kiss you but.... kalameet is just so cool ! very shadow the hedgehog and u know what that is NOT a bad thing. you might have a rough time trying to get there, but..... aww whos a good dragon.....

DARKMOON KNIGHTESS - 25

alright the final stretch! the darkmoon knightess is the anor londo firekeeper, and a friend of gwyndolin! shes supposed to be “ugly and shit” (real quote. i would never lie to you) but her model is so cute! defiantly kissable as fuck!

 SANCTUARY GUARDIAN - 24

GOFH ITS JUST A WIDDLE KITTEY CAT........... I GIVE IT A WIDDLE KISSEY ON ITS FOREHEAD AHOWHWWAWWW BABEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALVINA - 23

AWHAHWAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW SHES H(FADOESAGVFOSDHFSO CUET EIFEDKC LKOFIE JS I LOVE YOU FJEADFIDASHCODEUFCUSFKSDHFKSUHFC

DUSK - 22

oh yes!! the princess of a lost land...... will you be her knight in shining armor.......... oh i just love her so much. shes sweet and nice and cute and deserves a kiss or two!! please be nice to my daughter!

SHIVA - 21

hottie with cool armor and a cooler sword. since they cut his whole sidequest i can with all certianty say YES he is super kissable and is probably a great kisser 

QUELAAG - 20

IGNORIGN HER GIANT SPIDER LOWERBODY........... SHES JUST DOING THIS FOR HER SISTER SHE JUST WANTS TO HELP HER POOR SISTER WHOS IN PAIN HOW COULD YOU NOT LOVE HER SO MUCH!! PLEASE KISS QUELAAG! 

GRIGGS - 19

im putting griggs so high cus hes kissable in a factor unseen before...... baby factor. hes soft and nice and is just trying to find his dad! just tuck him into bed and kiss him goodnight! its what he deserves! 

ARTORIAS - 18

everyone already KNOWS why artorias is a good kisser. hes nice, strong, brave, and most importantly. cool as FUCKING HELL ! HE DOES SICK ANIME FLIPS!! if you can look past the abyss slowly taking him over, youll find a good good boy who deserves a good kiss.

ANASTACIA - 17

the good firekeeper who we spend most of our time with in 1! YES of COURSE Shes kissable. she deserves SO MANY kisses for all of her hard work in keeping the firekeep shrine lit! good job anastacia im sorry lautrec is like that

VELKA GODDESS OF SIN - 16

(just mentioned!)

if her title alone doesnt bring you in, youll be pleased to know shes implied to help watch over priscilla (who well get to hold your horses) and keep the poor girl safe! a strong sense of justice and a love of crows, shes probably an amazing kiss if you can find her! 

ANDRE - 15

were closing in on #1 and i just have to throw andre in here. hes so nice and strong! just . please kiss andre! he deserves some he does so much work! 

PRISCILLA - 14

poor priscilla. called a monstrous crossbreed and has to hide in a painted world to stay safe from those who would hurt her. including the internet! leave her alone you freaks shes not your fetish fuel!!! she deserves a good kiss on the cheek and a hug for all she has to put up with

 CRESTFALLEN WARRIOR - 13

its my list i get to put the crestfallen warrior where i want. and u know what? he would honestly be a good kiss. hes kind and helpful and never once wishes you harm, he just needs to be held tightly and kissed passionately and u know what. dont we all. 

GWYNEVERE - 12

she is beautiful but .... 1 shes married and 2 shes not even real! whatever. her husband the flame god flann is at least.......... hot! haahgdaefshdfcdhswfe im so fucking funny

BLACK IRON TARKUS - 11

listen i see a big beefy dude i go “hey thats hot please kiss me” so of course tarkus is this high up hes the beefiest dude around.... right?? anyways all knights of berenike are kissable hes just the MOST kissable of the 3 named ones!

ORNSTEIN - 10

this dude kisses the son of gwyn you KNOW hes a good kiss. the golden lion armor just helps so much. we love you ornstein .....

HAVEL THE ROCK - 9

HERE HE IS ... THE BEEFIEST GUY AROUND ... this bitch uses a DRAGONS TOOTH as a huge club to bash people with if that isnt big dick energy i dont know what is. armor made of stone. heart made of gold. havel the rock please god kiss me passionately under the moonlight .

SIF - 8

oghfoghfohg puppey..................................... SMOOCHIE THE PUPPY>...........

NAMELESS KING (!?) - 7

(hes just mentioned in ds1!!) 

I KNOW HES A DS3 BOSS BUT LISTEN TO ME THEY TALK ABOUT HIM SO MUCH IM ALLOWING THIS.  he defected from his awful dads team to go help the DRAGONS!! thats so cool hes so kissable. would be more kissable if he wasnt kissing ornstein but thats ok . i respect them both.

MARVELOUS CHESTER - 6

this MAY just because i have a huge crush on him but also here are some good kissable things about him: his fasion, his voice that sounds like a purr, his laugh, his malice, his funny mask, him. thank you for your time.

GWYNDOLIN - 5

FINAL FIVE! heres gwyndolin. the most kissable of all of gwyns children for the sheer fact of how much work they put in to making sure people stay safe and happy. they are so kind and wonderful they deserve SO MANY kisses! good on you gwyndolin....

LAURENTIUS - 4

now heres a fun one! laurentius is one of the nicest guys u will EVER meet in any souls game. he genuinely cares about you, he loves and respects u even if u dont respect him or his skills, hes nice cute and above all: i love him . please kiss laurentius he is a nice guy who just wants the best for u..... dont be mean to him.....................

CAPRA DEMON - 3

the highest one that cant kiss back and thats for the capra demons SHEER HORNY ENERGIES. this is a demon you can fuck! thats it i have nothing else to say i just think the capra demon is funny

SOLAIRE - 2

do i seriously have to explain why solaire is so high up. not only is he nice and cares about you, hes handsome, passionate, and just a good fucking person. he is hands down one of the most kissable characters in any souls game ever! fuck yeah! go off you funky little lover boy! 

and finally.

its patches.

[fallen029]

Hard to Do

Laxus loved his demon.

Honest.

He loved being around her, loved hanging out with her, loved taking her out, loved showing her off.

Hell, he liked it when the woman just said his name.

Or called him her dragon. And rubbed his stomach. While listing all his accomplishments. Complimenting him on having so many accomplishments.

But, that being said, Laxus also liked his solitude.

He always had. Going out on long jobs, away from the guild, his grandfather, the Thunder Legion; it was just something that he needed. Both his parents had been rather unsocial themselves and it had been something he'd picked up.

Being with Mirajane Strauss, however, 'alone' was a rather foreign, yet welcome, commodity. It was something he was treated to that day as, the night before, the demon had opted out of coming over to his place for the night (they usually stayed together) remarking that she was too tired and really wanted some good sleep.

By herself sleep.

"You just snore so much-"

"I don't snore."

"Okay, dragon."

"I don't."

"I said okay."

But he wasn't too put out, as it meant he awoke alone and Mirajane wasn't around to inform him of when the two would be spending time together that day, which left him with the excuse of ignorance, when she would inevitably complain at him later, showing up at the guild hall only near closing, rather than early in the day, as she'd no doubt prefer.

Yep. Laxus would have a him day.

A lazy day.

A great day.

Which started with sleeping in, continued into a long, steamy shower, and led right into lunch alone in a cafe on the opposite side of town from the guild hall, alone in a corner with only a good book to keep him company.

"All is not well in the kingdom."

He'd smelled her, before she came in, but still breathed heavily through his nostrils at the sound of Evergreen's voice, hardly even glancing over from the top of his book as he spoke.

"I," he grumbled out to the woman, "do not have a kingdom."

"Sorry to say this, Laxus-"

"Then don't say it."

"-but you kinda do. And it's about to be thrown into chaos."

"Go away, Evergreen," he grumbled as the woman took a seat across from him. "I'm reading, listening to music, and eating. Three things you don't interrupt another human from doing."

"Who reads anymore?"

"Ever-"

"I'm trying to save you."

"From what? Huh? Let the stupid guild go through whatever it wants. For the next few hours I am unavail-"

"The kingdom's not the entire guildhall, Laxus. It's the...us."

He did drop the book then, to raise an eyebrow over at the other woman. "What exactly do you consider us? Because-"

"I meant us as in...you know. The Strauss morons and, well, us. Me, Freed, Bickslow, and you."

It was on command, from spending so much time with Mirajane, but Laxus hated what slipped through his lips.

"Thunder Strauss Tribe."

Both he and Ever blinked at one another. Then he glared and she looked off with a cough into her hand.

"Anyways," he grumbled after his verbal vomit (Mira affected him so horribly sometimes). "What was it that you were getting at, Ever?"

"Just, uh..." She was thrown a bit by the ease he said this moniker that most everyone other than Mira rejected. Sometimes to see how far he'd fallen (for the woman) was quite disheartening. Shaking her head as if to clear it, the woman of stone tried again. "I was saying-"

"And do it quickly." Now flustered, Laxus wanted her gone. More so than he had when she was just interrupting his dragon time. "If it's not about Mira-"

"It's about Lisanna."

Oh.

Laxus shifted a bit, in his seat, still not fully setting his book down, but lowering it mostly to the table then.

Lisanna.

He liked Lisanna.

A lot.

And Laxus didn't like many people.

It just something about her. A lot of things about her, actually.

He'd been a teenager, when she'd… And it affected him, horribly so, for some reason. Not anything he'd let anyone know, but… It was kinda weird, really. He didn't like the Strauss kids (or any other kids, really), but there was just something so scary about knowing that all those warnings his grandfather always gave him, when he was off on jobs, about how dangerous they were…

Mira had been an S-Class mage. The highest of the high. And still managed to get someone else killed. What if Laxus did that? He couldn't handle that. He didn't know how Mira handled it.

It was something that shouldn't have happened. No way non-qualified people should be going out on S-Class jobs. That's what he'd decided. Weak people like Lisanna and freaking Elfman, who couldn't even control his damn magic, shouldn't be in a guild in the first place. They were children.

Had it been up to him, Lisanna would have been no where near Fairy Tail and therefore not died.

Definitely not the exact moment young Laxus came to terms with the fact that Gramps was just too stupid to run the place, and he was far more adequate, but certainly one of the defining moments that pushed him into his insanity about gaining control of it.

She was more than just a bitter memory to Laxus though.

She was also a symbol of what magic offered. The good and the bad. It had killed and saved her. All in one fell swoop. What better allegory for what its power truly stood for. Good and evil. Nothing and everything. All dependent on how it was wielded and interpreted.

Magic was cold and unforgiving, yet could lead to some of the most exculpatory actions most would ever see.

Like being saved by a random passing mass of magical energy after foolishly attempting to stop an overpowering magic with merely the illusion of love conquering all.

Now, this wasn't to say that this was all Lisanna was to Laxus. Not by a long shot. Before Mirajane, fine, maybe, but those days? Lisanna was the closest thing Laxus had to a sibling.

She was constantly hanging around him and off him and begging him to do things for her. Like, "Please, Laxus, won't you go fight Natsu and say I sent you? He's super down and I want him to feel better...and seem like a super good friend for doing it," or, "Laxus, I have to go, like, four whole towns over, on foot, because Mirajane won't loan me money and that's not fair and I think you should just, like, hug me, right? And then use your Lightning Body magic to, like, zoom us there or whatever. That's how it works, right, Laxus?"

It wasn't like Laxus, a well respected mage (though more or less a dick), didn't get requests all the time to do things for people. Head out on jobs with them. Hang around them. Train them.

Because he did.

And snorted at every single one.

But the second Mira claimed him (he felt pretty claimed), Lisanna just became...different, from everyone else.

Fine, sure, he had to be nice to her because, hey, no Mira without catering to her siblings, but he still could loath Elfman. Not Lisanna though. Or her wacky ways. It was annoying, when Natsu was being loud and rowdy in the hall with his stupid blue cat and blonde bimbo, but you let Lisanna be hanging around the three of them as well, then hell, he could suffer. Just turn his music up a bit. Need some jewels because Mira was totally, like, a horrible dictator who thought that you had to actually put in work for what you had? Yeah, alright, just don't tell the demon and gah! Don't ask him again (though he knew she would and she knew he wouldn't mind).

He didn't mind, when Mira was working, hanging around the Strauss house with her younger sister. She wasn't bad company at all. Good company. For him. Kinda like her sister in that she would lead the conversations (he wasn't much for them), but different in that they usually weren't complete garbage like what Mirajane typically spewed.

Plus, and this was a big one, she was kinda dating Bickslow.

Now, it should be mentioned that, in no way, was Laxus thrilled when he first learned of this torrid affair (number one, gross, number two, that left Freed as the only one without a Strauss, and finally, you don't fuck with Laxus' relationship; and if one of his boys fucking Mira's younger sister didn't fuck with his relationship, then he didn't know what did), but he slowly came around.

Very slowly.

Probably the last one in their quickly becoming tight knit group (ahem, Thunder Strauss Tribe), actually.

Eventually though, he was able to see just how...well matched the pair were together. Lisanna was silly and stupid and so completely intent on living her second chance at life to the fullest while Bickslow had morphed from a very resentful teenager to something that might resemble an adult in childish attire, who could go from very serious to a complete and utter moron for no reason other than he was clearly imbalanced.

Considering Natsu was her best friend and she adored Mirajane, Laxus figured Lisanna adored imbalanced.

They annoyed him at times, as most things and people did, with their banter and inside jokes that they seemed to get a kick out of, when occurred in the presence of the others. And he didn't always like the way that Bickslow treated Lisanna when he was in one of his 'moods', leaving her a crying mess over the fact that she was a child, he was not, and therefore she did not understand things like he did.

Laxus liked Bickslow. Loved the guy. But the man was nearly as deep nor mature was he liked to imagine himself. He was no knight. Light, dark, or in between.

He was just a man in a visor with dolls that had lived a challenged life and was damn lucky to be dating Laxus' little sister!

Err…

They were good for one another though. Or so he'd decided in their year of dating. Lisanna made Bickslow happy and kept him out of all their hair while he did the same with her. For as annoying as they could be together, they seemed to like it, being annoying together.

And Laxus might not be the nicest guy around, but he did care about Bickslow. His happiness might not have any affect on Laxus' own, but it did make him feel a bit lighter, knowing that the other guy was in a good, productive relationship.

"She," Evergreen began as Laxus contemplated some more of the things he liked about Lisanna (she could make the stupid Salamander shut the hell up, knew how to stop Mira from crying when he was too mean, could trick Elfman to get out of the house when he and the demon needed some alone time; the list went on), "left Bickslow."

"Left him where?" he grumbled. "If this is some sort of scam, again, for me to shell out jewels for those morons to get home, forget it! They can walk. I'm not buying train tick-"

"Left him, Laxus. Like… Broke up with him or whatever."

He'd actually been ready to yell at Evergreen for cutting him off (no one cut him off unless their name was Mirajane Strauss and even then, she better have a damn good reason for doing so), but her words were catching up with his brain about the same time.

"What?"

Nodding, she said, "And it's a whole ordeal, for Elfman, because he thought that I would be all upset or whatever. You know, about Lisanna and the other guy."

"Wait, what other guy?" Laxus couldn't believe he cared, but much like the moniker for their apparently splintering group, it just slipped out. "Lisanna was-"

"She met someone."

"Oh, lord," he grumbled before shoving back from the table. "I gotta get out of here."

"The restaurant? You might as well finish eating. I don't know what good you could possibly-"

"No. This town." Laxus shook his head. "The demon is going to be all over this and I do not want to have to deal with it."

"But Laxus, you have to do something."

"Why?"

Evergreen gave him a shocked face. "For Bickslow. That little...slut has broken his heart."

"Bickslow and Lisanna break up all the time," he reasoned. "Or at least fight. This will blow over, with me in another town, and I will come back when-"

"I just told you there's another guy-"

"We're all young; there's a thousand other guys and chicks and everything in between, for all of us."

"...What?"

"There's always going to be someone else," he informed her. "There's other guys that you're interested in besides Elfman, aren't there?"

"I don't understand why we have to talk about-"

"And I see plenty of women I'd like to plow!"

"That you'd like to what?"

"But it all works out eventually. And Lisanna and Bickslow will figure their shit out." Pulling out his wallet, he was just snatching out some jewels when, with a groan, he saw Freed rushing through the doors of the cafe, bypassing the worker that rose to seat him and coming right over to the pair.

"Good, you're both here," he said with a bow of his head. "Bickslow is-"

"Nope. Na-ah. I'm not." Laxus even shook his head as the man sat down. "I'm not involved in this stupid drama. Not this time. I was that time you kicked Elfman out, Ever, that time Bickslow and Lisanna fought for a week straight over a damn bet they made that she wouldn't honor, hell, I even listened to you and Mirajane bicker, Freed, over whether or not she or you would make a better guild master-"

"Why do you have to bring up Elfman?"

"And I still stand by my assessments."

"-but this? This isn't my fight, this isn't interesting to me, and I will not be a part of- "

"Bickslow is very upset," Freed tried to insist. "I do not think that Evergreen has explained to you the situation very well."

"I don't care about the situation. I-"

"Lisanna wished to speak with him," Freed carried on regardless and arg! Was Mirajane filling their heads with lies about how they were just allowed to interrupt him? Huh? That sneak little...sexy...amazing...gah it would suck to leave her until this all blew over, demon. "Privately, she said, to him, at the hall, and I was seated with him. They went outside the hall and, when they returned- Or, well, he returned, without her, and was quite upset. He claims that Lisanna informed him that, a few month prior, she met another man, a non-guild man- You know, perhaps even one that is not even proficient in magic. Imagine that."

"Freed," Laxus grumbled, though he wasn't sure why, as he didn't care one bit about the entire thing. At all. But… "Just get to the point."

Bowing his head a bit, the man went on, "Upon his return, Bickslow informed me that Lisanna had taken him off to the side of the building and explained that she'd be leaving town for a bit."

"Lucky her," the slayer muttered.

"And she couldn't be in contact with him during it, effectively ending their relationship. Which is quite sudden, in my opinion and-"

"Oh, I told it way better." Evergreen rolled her eyes heavily, shaking her head a bit as well. "Freed. You're leaving out the biggest part."

"I-" Freed tried, but it was finally Laxus' turn to cut someone off as Elfman freaking Strauss walked through the door and arg!

He hated them.

All of them.

"Oh, good, you're all here."

"No, not good," Laxus grumbled as he came to the table, the waiter only rolling her eyes as the slayer was joined once more. "What are you-"

"I had to make sure that things are still okay. Between us."

"They're not," Laxus grumbled.

"They're rather normal," Freed said.

"I'm not talking to either of you!"

"Watch who you're yellin' at, Elfboy." Rolling his eyes, Laxus said, "And we're in public. What do you want? To talk to Ever? Do it on your own time."

"Or perhaps talk to your sister about not-"

"Being a tramp."

"I was going to say heart breaker, Ever," sighed Freed, "but sure."

"Lisanna's a man!" Elfman growled.

"Which, actually, would make this story down a far different path," Freed said with a nod of his head.

Laxus, however, only continued to glare at his girlfriend's brother. "Why do you exist?"

"L-Laxus," Evergreen gasped, mouth hanging agape. "Don't-"

"I'm here-"

"I didn't say here. I said exist, Elfboy, and I know you heard me."

"-because," the man continued regardless, "I wanted to be sure that everything is still fine between us, Evergreen. Considering..."

"Things were never good between us, so-"

"He didn't say good. He said fine, Ever," Laxus remarked as he pulled out some jewels to toss on the table, "and I know you heard him."

Sighing, Freed shook his head a bit as he said, "Laxus, I fear that only you, at this point, can help Bickslow."

"Me?"

"Of course. There is no one that he respects more."

"And you can probably dupe that tramp into getting back with him," Evergreen offered as Elfman's eyes flared.

"Lisanna is not a tramp! She's a man."

"She's a cheater. And is cheating manly, Elfman? Hmmm?" Ever wasn't looking at him though. Just at her idol. To him, she said, "Bickslow respects you, Laxus. And he's going through a lot right now."

"It's been a few hours, right? Sheesh. What do you want me to do? You gotta let a man mourn."

"Then after he mourns?" Freed was quite concerned as well, it seemed. "You will go and-"

"And what? Huh? He's the one that decided to get with Lisanna. A fucking kid, practically. Barely legal, I feel. How many of you are still with the first person you slept with?"

"What are you talking about?" Elfman frowned. "Slept with? Lisanna hasn't… Lisanna… What are you talking about?"

"How many times do I have to inform him that I'm not talking to him before he gets the point?" Laxus made a face. "It's been three years now of me saying this and he seems to still be unaware of this fact."

"Three years since what?" Elfman grumbled as the slayer still refused to look at him.

"Three years," Ever sighed as, once more, the typically sleepy cafe's doors opened to reveal none other than Mirajane Strauss, "since that."

It was quite visible, the way that Laxus went from barking at the others to sitting up straight, silently watching his girlfriend come over to him. He did gesture to Freed, however, when she was close enough and, without a word, got to his feet, offering his seat to the woman.

"Demon." Laxus cleared his throat. "Come sit down. What are you doing-"

"We have an issue that we need to take care of."

The other three's eyes widened as, without missing a beat, Laxus nodded his head saying, "Yeah, that's why I got these chumps here to fill me in on everything. I'll take care of things."

"Bickslow's crushed and Lisanna's run off and I just-"

"Just getting all filled in, demon," he continued as Evergreen's eyes turned to glares, from behind her glasses, as she had not been met with nearly as welcoming a response that Mirajane was currently getting. "Already taking care of it."

"Really?"

"Yep. Just, uh, talking your brother here, you know, and listening to him. I listen to him a lot. Elfman. You know. I-"

"What are you doing about it, Laxus?" Mirajane hadn't sat down and neither was Freed once more, fearful of rebuking by his leader, which should have made Evergreen feel awkward, being the only one other than Laxus being seated, but quite honestly, she was too busy glaring at Elfman.

She wasn't really mad at him.

Or at Lisanna.

Nor Bickslow.

Shit happened. No one stayed together forever. It was poor timing, fine, but perhaps it would finally get Mirajane to quit insisting that all of them, as a big group, should go out together or spend exuberant amounts of time around one another, which would mean that Laxus wouldn't be forced into forcing them to listen to the woman's suggestions.

Evergreen liked Bickslow. And Lisanna was… She wasn't Erza, at least. Seeing them breakup and the fallout that was no doubt going to occur from it would be the furthest thing from fun around, but ultimately, what could you do?

Honestly?

Something, apparently, if you were Laxus and lying to your girlfriend while shifting most your thoughts to plans of just how to get out of what you were promising.

"I'm," he said slowly as he stared at his girlfriend, "going...to...talk to...Bick-"

"Both of them? With me? Soon? And fix this? Because they cannot breakup, Laxus. Do you hear me?"

"I hear you, but-"

"Because we cannot let this," she said, gesturing around to Freed, ever faithfully standing at attention, Elfman, still trying to figure out in his head just what Laxus meant by 'sleep together' because his little sister did not 'sleep' with anyone, damn it, and Evergreen, who was resisting the jealous urges to turn Mirajane to stone, only to break her, in retaliation for getting that damn Laxus attention she herself so craved, "die."

"This?" Laxus repeated though he knew what was coming next.

"The Thunder Strauss Tribe."

"I do not think," Freed offered softly, "that should the two of them decide to not be together that it would change-"

"I'm not part of that stupid group anyways." Ever was beyond peeved and it was beginning to show. Toying with her glasses (as well as the idea of spreading the broken pieces of Statue Mirajane around a dog park, where they'd get properly pissed on), the woman said, "So I really don't-"

"Shut up, Ever." Laxus hated pouting more than he hated the fact he was totally getting up then to go following along with Mirajane and meddle in something that, while he might give one shit about, he certainly didn't give two. "Look, Mirajane, has your dragon ever high and dry? Huh?"

"Well-"

"No," the slayer answered for her. "He hasn't."

"He also has a problem with talking in the third person," Elfman grumbled.

"Then you'll go with me?" Mirajane's bright blues were on her boyfriend. "You'll come talk to Bickslow with me?"

"Of course, Mira."

"And the rest of you too?"

"Come again?" Freed asked.

"I'll be a man and go talk to him man on man," Elfman agreed. "But not if he and Lisanna have been… Mira, does Lisanna..."

"I'm going nowhere," Evergreen finished.

"Mira," Laxus began, "do we really need them to-"

"Yes," she interrupted him and his blood barely boiled because it was his demon and she was allowed to do whatever she wanted. "We do."

So Laxus tipped the place handsomely, even though he hadn't finished his meal, knowing that he'd annoyed the sleepy cafe by bringing his crazy cohorts to it.

"How did you all even know where I was?" he asked after they left, his arm around Mirajane's shoulders as the others walked behind them. "Huh?"

"When aren't you there?" Ever remarked.

"When he's eating at Mira's," Freed finished.

"You know-" Laxus about snapped, but then, once more, the only thing that could ever stop him decided to speak.

"We need to focus," she informed all of them. "I bet that Bickslow is at the apartment, sulking, and I've been looking for Lisanna, but I can't find her, so it's best if we just go deal with him first. But what are we going to say to him? I've never…cheated on a guy before."

"Right," Evergreen agreed. "Because you're not a tramp."

"Stop calling my sister a tramp!" Elfman was starting to lose it and it was obvious. "I know what you're implying."

"I'm not implying anything." Ever even huffed a bit. "I flat out called Lisanna one back at the-"

"You-"

"No." Laxus glared back at the pair as Freed, who was between the two couples, lowered his head a bit. "We are on Bickslow and Lisanna's ill fated...whatever. We're not dealing with the two of you as well. If you can't say anything nice, shut the fuck up."

"Language, dragon."

He only continued to glare back at the others, Freed still looking away, Ever blushing, and Elfman glaring right back at the man, while saying to his girlfriend, "They should just respect you more, is all I'm saying."

"So should you, with your language."

Heh.

Ever and Elfman bickered under their breaths and Laxus and Freed shared many sighs, but for the most part, it was silent on their walk across town and to the man's apartment.

When they arrived, however, Mirajane made a request.

"Maybe," she said, taking in the long faces of Elfman and Evergreen as well as the way Freed wouldn't even look at her and coming to the realization that there was a good chance they would worsen more than they would better, "you guys should, uh, you know… Look around for Lisanna some? And Lax and I will take this one? And when you find her, contact Bickslow's lacrima back here. We'll be waiting."

No one would have listened to Mirajane (other than her big brother who really wanted to find Lisanna anyways as they had a few things to discuss), had Laxus not given them harsh glares and grumbled out to get on with it.

"And we'll be here," he finished as the three jetted off, leaving him with his demon (the absolute last person he'd been planning on spending his alone day with; sigh). "Dealing with Bickslow."

Even though Bickslow was supposed to be his and Lisanna hers, Laxus felt like Mira was far more equipped to dealing with the seith than he was. Quite honestly, Laxus and Lisanna synced pretty well. He'd scold her for cheating, try to get her back with Bickslow, see if that fell through, if so go intimidate the new guy, get them to break up, and then ban her from Bickslow too because Lisanna didn't need to date.

She just didn't.

At least not the losers she was attracted too…

"I could see her with Freed," Laxus would frequently tell Mirajane.

"Laxus, Freed's not attracted to women."

Exactly.

Still, the slayer was ultimately more loyal to Bickslow, deep down, maybe, kind of sort of- Or at the very least, he felt something in the pit of his stomach as they approached the man's door that might have been construed as guilt and sympathy.

Laxus decided, however, to consider it hunger pains. Since, you know, he wasn't freaking allowed to finish his damn meal…

"This is his apartment," Laxus muttered to Mirajane when they found themselves inside the building and before the door. Raising his hand to knock, he called out, "Bickslow? Buddy? You in there?"

There was the sound of some stuff tumbling over before, "Don't come in! I'm killing myself!"

"What?" Mirajane shoved poor Laxus out of the way then, moving to try the knob (the moron never locked his place). Throwing the door open, she yelled out, "Bickslow, are you serious? What-"

"Metaphorically, Mrs. Boss."

Laxus could have killed them then though as they found the man in his boxers, stretched out in his filthy living room (Bickslow was more of a move in, junk up the place, and move out without even asking about your poor security deposit), his dolls crying in what sounded like agony as they flew around, ramming into things. He wasn't so certain, however, Laxus wasn't, that the dolls weren't doing this more for fun than they actually knew Lisanna was gone.

"What?" Mirajane clutched at her chest as she stared at him. "Why would you say that? What is wrong with you?"

"I'm a poetically wounded knight! I've been slayed!" His head lulled to the side and Laxus was worried the cigarette dangling from his lips would snag the carpet and set it ablaze. "And to think, everyone assumed I'd be the one to hurt Lisanna. I am no more! I am-"

"Drunk." Laxus went to kick one of the many beer bottles littered around, narrowly missing hitting Bickslow in the head with it (and he'd certainly been trying). "You're drunk."

"Oi, boss," He blinked up at Mirajane as she came to stare down at him. "I'm that too."

"Bickslow, what happened?" Mirajane seemed about to get on her knees, next to the man, on that disgusting floor, but no way was Laxus letting her ruin her dress (or risk catching something) because his dickhead follower. Grabbing her arm, he shook his head at her, forcing her to stay standing. Still, Mira only asked, "With Lisanna?"

"Why do you care?" The seith sniffled before staring blankly up at the ceiling once more, sucking on his cig. "You didn't care about me before Lisanna."

"That's not true."

"Is so."

"I cared about all of you. Ever, Freed, and you. Even when you were jokes."

"Liar?"

"Then how come you think I didn't kill all of you with my demon powers for turning me to stone? If I didn't even care a little."

"Because," Bickslow said after a puff, "you don't have a dark soul like I do."

For a second, Mirajane was silent. Then, "I don't have a dark soul?"

"Not like me."

"I have a demon inside of me."

"Satan," Laxus reiterated. "She has Satan inside of-"

"Dragon, we have gone over this." Mira made a face up at him then. "It's just a nickname. I do not have the legitimate-"

"Well, I don't feel like it's as obvious as you make it out to be."

"I've told you, though, so-"

"I just threatened to kill myself," Bickslow grumbled, "and this is what you people focus on?"

"Metaphorically," Mira reminded softly as the seith only muttered under his breath.

"And why are you in your boxers anyways?" Laxus asked, poking at the man's side with the tip of his boot. Mira elbowed him for it, but the slayer only continued to glare. "It's the middle of the day. Heck, you were even at the hall earlier, they all said! Did you just strip down to mope?"

"I'm heartbroken, boss!"

"You can't be heartbroken with pants on?"

"Did you come here just to bother me?"

Mira didn't just elbow Laxus then; she literally shoved him again. When he glared at him,, she pointed to the kitchen.

"Go and get him a drink of water," she ordered with a frown. "Now."

Grumbling himself then, Laxus made his way carefully through the littered floor, making a face when his nice clean boots got all mucked up. He stepped in a freaking bowl of pudding. Bowl. Of. Pudding. Left on the floor. Crusty and nasty, left out for who knew how long pudding.

He hated Bickslow's apartment.

He very well might hate Bickslow.

Honestly, he'd never considered.

But, as he searched the equally as dirty kitchen for a rag or something to wipe his boots off with (and got all worked up that Lisanna might actually have low enough self-esteem that she stuck around in that place; Bickslow, eh he was pretty sure the poor guy did, but Lisanna?), he started to consider it.

Heavily.

"Bickslow, didn't Lisanna show signs?" Laxus heard Mirajane ask out in the living room. "Of...cheating? Or whatever it is that she was doing?"

"No." He sniffled. "Just yesterday we were smoking out in the park and hanging out. And last week! Last week we'd just screwed-"

"What?"

"Bickslow," Laxus growled from the kitchen.

"I'm just tellin' the truth. We did. And afterwards, as we're lying there, and I'm talkin', it suddenly hit me." Bickslow paused and Laxus figured it was to blow smoke. "Lissy and I? We're pretty much forever."

"Oh, no."

"Oh, yes, Mirajane."

"You smothered her."

"Ha! Smothered? She loved it. She ate it up. And I ate her up!"

"Laxus-"

"Bickslow, stop talking about Lisanna that way," the slayer growled as he walked back out there. "Now!"

"Stop yelling at me! Both of you! I'm tittering on the edge!"

"The edge of what?"

"Of losin' it, boss." He sat up then, crawling away from the still standing Mirajane (thankfully; Laxus might have had to break up with Mirajane, if she caught anything from that place; no telling what sorta dangers she might transfer to him if he didn't) and over to his tiny coffee table, where his overflowing ashtray sat. Stabbing out the smoked to the filter cigarette in it, he said over his shoulder, "It's only been an hour or two and I already feel like my life is over. What did I do before Lisanna? What will I do after? What was I even doing durin'? I'mma be forever alone."

"Now that's not true." Mirajane made a face as Laxus only shrugged a bit because, well… "And you know it."

"It is though, Mrs. Boss."

"Not at all."

"Lissy was the only one for me. I's gonna knock her up and buy us a nice house that I actually didn't fuck up and we were gonna be together forever." After snuffing out his cigarette, he only fell back onto the floor once ore, this tie on his stomach, face buried in a couch pillow that had been resting down there. "Who else would ever wanna be with me?"

"Plenty of people."

"Mira, don't get his hopes that far up."

"I mean, objectively," the woman clarified as Bickslow only moaned against his pillow. At the sound, his dolls stopped their ramming of things to come circle around him and moan as well. Quite annoyingly, Laxus might add. "The normal pool of women who would usually be attracted to a man who plays with wooden dolls and walks around in a costume will still be attracted to you."

"Yeah." Laxus even nodded his head. "All the typical freaks."

"Dragon!"

"What? He knows he's a freak."

"You just insulted my baby sister."

Oh.

Scratching at the back of his neck, Laxus said slowly, "Well… It's not like I'm wrong-"

"Dragon-"

"I've had it all before, boss, Mrs. Boss," Bickslow lamented loudly, lifting his head a bit as he did so in order for them to hear him clearly. Even in the depths of despair, the seith was nothing if he wasn't a showman. "The women, the late nights. The endless mix of illegal drugs and equally as lawless sex!"

"Laxus-"

"Bickslow, I'm about to kick you again."

"Boss, I was just about to get to the part where you'd let me have all your leftovers! And then we'd talk about- You can't punt a man when he's down! And mask-less, no less!"

Mirajane, however, only put her hands on her hips as Laxus stood over Bickslow, kicking at him as the other man continued to try and roll away. "You guys...shared women, Laxus?"

"No." He paused his assault to look back at her. "I don't share anything. If the little freak slunk into the beds of previous conquests-"

"Previous what?"

Damn it. Laxus turned away from Mirajane then, to stomp on Bickslow some more (it was his fault he was fucking things up with the demon), but frowned when he found the man had crawled off, behind the couch, his little dolls having followed.

"Bickslow," he growled to which he got a loud burp before the sound of a beer can tab was popped. "Come back here."

"No! I'm gonna drink my sorrow to death. And neither of you are invited to the funeral! So get out."

"What did you just say to me, you little-"

"Bickslow, we came to help you," Mira interceded. "We want you to feel better. And to know that, you know, nothing's changed."

"Everything's changed!"

"Well, with you and my sister, fine, but I meant as a unit."

"A unit of what?" He sounded like he sniffled a bit. "Huh?"

"Like...like a family."

For a moment, they were all silent. Even the babies. Then, softly, ,Bickslow said, "What family? If me and Lissy are broken up, the family is dead."

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it is. Just like if you and boss broke up, why would I ever care about you that way anymore?"

That time the silence was different. Because it was Mirajane's turn to speak and she just wasn't. And Mira was never at a loss for words. Literally every. Short of gagging her (which Laxus had tried to work into the bedroom and, hopefully, eventually finagle into full time because, shit, his woman talked too much), the woman always had something to say.

Always.

"Demon," Laxus sighed, glancing over at her. "Don't start- Damn it, Bickslow, now she's crying."

"I'm crying too," the seith carped as Laxus wen to comfort the woman. "Why are you guys acting like this is all just a game?"

"Us? What about you? Huh?"

"I'm not actin' like it's a game! I'm hurt too. But did you come here to check on me? No! Your stupid girlfriend had to drag you here. Didn't she? So that you could 'deal' with me and let me down 'easy' that you guys are choosing Lisanna over me!"

"No one's fucking doing that, you stupid-"

"Lisanna was wrong, Bickslow, wherever she is, if she cheated on you," Mira said through tears. "And-"

"If? If? She definitely did! She took me outside and basically told me just that."

"Yeah, well-"

"Basically?" Laxus was standing with his demon then, awkwardly patting at her back as he tried to stop her tears (he was never good at that sorta thing), but his eyes went back over to the couch Bickslow was still hiding behind. "What does basically mean?"

"It means she did it! And don't you dare try to excuse her! I know you like her more than me, boss."

"I do not."

"Do so."

"No."

"You like Mira more than me at least."

"Fuck duh, you moron. Do you suck my dick?"

"Laxus!" Mira wasn't crying anymore. She was elbowing him. "Don't-"

"Wait, does she?" Suddenly, Bickslow peeked his head from over the backside of the couch. Wagging his eyebrows at them, he said, "I pictured you guys, you know, being real stringent about sex. Just you on top, boss, really givin' it to Mirajane, yeah? And-"

"Don't think about us having sex! Shut up!"

"Really givin' it to her."

Mirajane took to shoving Laxus away again (he felt like he was being pretty abused that day for, you know, giving up his whole free damn time to deal with something Mirajane forced upon him) though that time it was only to say, "Bickslow, do you not think that we're friends? Me and you? At least?"

He sunk back down behind the couch then, hiding himself once more. Mumbling then, he said, "I dunno. I guess. By necessity."

"What does that mean?"

"You have to like me. Or you did. Since I was with Lissy. But now..."

"I liked you before you were with Lisanna."

"Whatever."

"I did," Mira insisted, sniffling herself then. Wiping at her eyes, she said, "It's like I was trying to tell you before. I always thought that you were nice."

"Yeah," Laxus remarked dryly. "That's what he is. Nice."

"Weird," Mira agreed, glancing at her boyfriend before back at the couch. "But nice. And I'm always gonna think that. I had it all planned out, you know? You and Lisanna and me and Laxus and our kids would play together-"

"What kids?" Laxus grumbled. "I'm not having kids. We've gone over this. Did you see that piss poor job I just did of trying to get you to stop crying? And I've had years to practice that."

"And I still think we can have that." Mira, as always, ignored Laxus' complaints about the subject. She'd weasel a baby out of him eventually. No need to fret. "Because I don't… Until I talk to Lisanna, I don't believe it, Bickslow. If she did, fine, she's horrible and that sucks and it's not your fault, but right now… You guys can get passed this. If Laxus cheated on me, do you think I'd just let him break up with me?"

The slayer made a face down at the woman then before saying, "What do you mean? I'm not a dog. If I found another woman and was leaving you-"

"You wouldn't."

"If I wanted to-"

"I wouldn't let you."

"You sure do sound abusive today."

"Oh? And you'd just let me go?"

"If you cheated one me, Mira?" Laxus couldn't help it. He snorted. "I don't care if you were going off with the other guy or not; you'd be gone even if you wanted to stay."

"Are you serious?"

"Are you?"

"I would forgive you," Mira said as she turned to fully face him. "If you cheated."

"Careful what you say, woman," he warned as he held his head higher. "Because it sounds a lot like we're edging towards an open relationship."

"Gross. No, we're not."

"How is that gross? If we're just forgiving one another for cheating anyways?"

"I didn't say I would if you, like, were a chronic cheater. I-"

"Great, it's already started," they heard Bickslow gripe from his side of the couch, still hidden from them. "You guys are actually in my apartment, with me feeling so down, and don't even care. Would you just get out already? So I can start my new life, all alone?" When his babies began to whine, he corrected this wife, "Alone with my children? The only children I'll ever have now?"

Mira and Laxus, who had been glaring at one another, both looked back then, at the empty couch. Mira started to finally go walk over there, around it, but Laxus held up a hand.

Bickslow was an idiot. The biggest idiot. But he was Laxus big idiot; and he wanted to make sure he was okay. Truly okay.

Besides, he could argue with Mirajane any time.

Believe him they argued at any time. Morning, noon, night, or any combination of the three.

Walking carefully then (because if he got something on his boots again, depressed o not, the slayer was making the seith clean them), Laxus went around to the other side of the couch, where Bickslow was sitting with his back up against it, sniffling down at his beer can.

"Hey." Bending down (but not letting any part of himself touch the ground because gross), the slayer stared heavily at the seith as he said, "You're gonna be okay, Bickslow."

"How do you know? Me and the kid? We were great together! Great! Greater than great! We were the greatest. And even we didn't work out. Even she got tired of me. Why does everyone always get tired of me?"

Tentatively reaching out, Laxus patted the other man on the shoulder before saying, "I haven't given up on you."

That got Bickslow to lift his eyes, slowly, them finding his idol's then. Softly, he asked, "Really, boss?"

"Really." Laxus even nodded. "And Freed hasn't either. Now Evergreen- Yeah, you can give up on her, but me and Freed? We got your back, buddy. You over Lisanna every time. Bros before h-"

"Laxus!"

He about bit his tongue then, at the sound of Mira's sharp rebuke, before saying, "Well, you get it, anyways, Bickslow."

Nodding a bit, the man glanced away before saying, "I know it's stupid, boss, and that this is all just fresh and all and that's how come I'm feelin' so down, but..."

"You know, Bickslow," Laxus began slowly, leaving his hand there, on the other man's shoulder, "there was once, a long time ago, before me and Mirajane, when I was stupid and thought I was in love with this other chick too."

"No shit, boss?"

Ignoring the silence of Mirajane (which was never good), Laxus only nodded his head a bit at the other man. "Yeah. And she left me too. For this other guy. This other mage. Really tore me apart."

"Do I know-"

"No." Laxus said that part quickly. "You don't. No one does. Another town and all. You know? And it really broke me up for a bit."

"Is it what made you into the cold, callus man you are today?"

"What?"

"Err, never mind, boss, just continue."

Making a face as he removed his hand finally, Laxus only said, "My point is this; where would I be right now if it wasn't for her breaking up with me? Leaving me? Huh? For someone else? Not with Mirajane, probably. And that's not a future I want to contemplate. At all."

That time around, the silence was comfortable. Until, of course, Bickslow saw fit to ruin it.

"Because she sucks ya off, boss?"

"Alright." Shoving the man's head rather hard, Laxus got back to his feet. "We're done here."

"Just bein' conversational."

"Yeah well, knock it off. Before I-"

"The communication lacrima!" Suddenly, Mirajane found her voice as the shrill sound of the lacrima's ringer went off. "Bickslow, where is it?"

And boy, that was a hassle within itself to find. Eventually, after drudging it out from underneath the couch, they flicked it on.

"Do you or do you not," they heard as Evergreen's scowling face greeted them, "know how many jewels it costs to place a call on the public lacrimas at the train station?"

"What are you doin' at the station?" Bickslow asked with a frown. "Is that my gift to make me feel better? You're leavin' town? Forever?"

"You know what, Bickslow? I-"

"Ever, did you find Lisanna?" Laxus was tired of being in that apartment and, though the train station wasn't exactly where he had planned on going on his super chill Mira-free day, it was a definite improvement. "Is she there?"

"Lissy?" Sudddenly Bickslow was backing away from the kitchen counter they'd placed the lacrima on. "No. No way. What kinda game is this? I-"

"You don't just get to dissolve a big portion of the family without the family being there to stop it." Mirajane pounded one fist into another before saying, "We'll be there soon, Ever."

"Well, I didn't tell you if she was here yet, but yeah, she is." The other woman rolled her eyes heavily. "And if you're wanting to catch her, guys, I think I'd hurry."

The lacrima went black then and, with a frown, Bickslow said, "Don't I get a say in this?"

"You can say yes, I'm going to go with you guys to fix things," Mirajane informed him. "But short of that-"

"If you don't wanna go, Bickslow, you don't have to."

"L-Laxus-"

"Mirajane, if Lisanna's leaving town with another guy and you wanna get involved, fine, that's Strauss shit." And him shit. Because he was going to definitely be down there to slug the guy one before he took off for who knows where with his...whatever Lisanna was. "But if it's only gonna...hurt Bickslow then… And sometimes, things take time. And I know I told you that I would talk to them, and I will, you know, talk to Lisanna, but why does it all have to be at once? And, you know, this was kind of what we all eventually expected to happen, right? I mean, no one thinks Elfman and Evergreen are gonna be a thing forever? Do they?"

"Well, I mean, I bank on it, but-"

"Demon-"

"Bickslow," she sighed as she looked at the man once more, "if it's only going to hurt you, don't come. But I have to go talk to Lisanna before she leaves. So-"

"Actually? You know what? She blindsided me before."

"Blindsided," his dolls shrieked as Laxus contemplated striking them with some lightning, before they left, so he didn't have to put up with them on the way to the station. "Blindsided!"

"And now, I'm gonna say my peace!" Bickslow slammed the fist not cradling his beer into his chest, tongue tumbling from his mouth. "I'll tell her off real good!"

"W-Well, I don't know about telling her off-"

"You wanted them to see one another, demon," Laxus reminded. "Remember?"

Well, she wanted them to get together, realize they belonged together, and let her get back to her big happy family fantasy, but sure.

"And get dressed," Laxus grumbled when Bickslow started to head to the front door. "How do you walk around this place without shoes on anyways? I don't even like letting my woman breath this air!"

"Oi, boss. Shouldn't judge another man's way of living, yeah?"

"I'll judge whatever I want. And hurry up. Taking up my whole damn day for this mess."

As Bickslow and his dolls disappeared into his bedroom, Mirajane only went to rub at Laxus' arm, getting his attention.

"Hey," she said as he stared down at her. "You never mentioned this...woman that you were so in love with. And we've talked about all your exes."

They had.

It was a thing.

Seriously, it was.

Or at least, it was a Mirajane being nosy as hell thing.

"Because she's not real, silly." Laxus snorted, looking off. "Ain't a woman alive worth being all broken up over."

"Hey."

"You're not just a woman, Mirajane. You're my demon. If something happened to us? End of the world."

"That's cute."

"No," he said with a shake of his head. "I meant I would end the world. The entire thing. As retribution. Grade A level villain."

Mira made a face and looked about ready to rebuke him, but Bickslow was coming back then, helmet on, but not his usual getup.

"Where's your costume?" Mira asked politely.

"It's not a costume! It's a statement." Then, coughing into his hand, he said, "And the reason I really, uh, took it off had less to do with writhing in my pain and more to do with spilling beer all over it."

Mira and Laxus shared a look before, finally, they set off.

Freed met them before they made it to the station, out in the street, where he'd seemed to be waiting for them.

"So," he said slowly after an awkward moment where Bickslow hugged him, because he was all emotional, and Freed just kind of stood there and took it, looking to Laxus for help as Mirajane joined in, but the slayer only shook his head. He'd already done his good deed for the day. Freed could save himself. "There's been a development."

"With Lissy?" Bickslow asked as they continued on to the station.

"Well...with a Strauss but-"

"Evergreen and Elfman bailed, didn't they?" Laxus asked dryly.

"It was for the better," Freed agreed. "We did not want to tip Lisanna off that we were there and they were fighting because Evergreen kept...insinuating things about Lisanna and-"

"It will be easier wtihout-"

"Laxus, we need everyone though." Mirajane looked about ready to pout. After all he'd done that day, Laxus wasn't having it.

"Demon, I'm putting back together this one and Lisanna right now. If you want me to deal with Elfman and Ever, it's gonna have to wait until tomorrow."

"But-"

"There's no putting back together." Bickslow pushed his visor up and glanced back at the pair before at Freed, who was walking beside him. "I'm going to tell her off! Big time! Make me look like a moron?"

"You mean a bigger one?" Laxus asked. "Or-"

"Can we all, please, just remember that we are in public?" Freed asked. "Just this once?"

"Bah!" Bickslow let his visor fall. "Do we ever?"

"That is why I added that part about just this once, but-"

"Never! The public should be so lucky as to see this!"

"Um… Dragon?" Mirajane grabbed Laxus' arm, pulling him to a stop as his two followers continued on. "I...I think I might have...made a mistake? Um… Maybe we shouldn't have forced them both together again? So soon? And maybe I should have spoken to Lisanna before-"

"Demon, it's too late now." Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, Laxus made her continue on. "The worst that can happen now is that they never get back together. Which is fine. I'm still pushing towards Lisanna just never dating anyone at all ever. Or Freed."

"Laxus-"

"They'd be happy together. They both like to read. And… They both like magic. And I'm both their favorite person ever, I'm nearly certain. Endless topics."

Mirajane only moaned though. "I have a really bad feeling, dragon."

"I won't let 'em kill one another, baby. In this sorta situation, what more can you hope for, huh?"

No tears.

That's all Laxus wanted.

Yelling, fighting, bloodshed; whatever. But tears? No thanks.

The train station was packed, but Freed led them right to where he'd last seen Lisanna. She was sitting on a bench, a bag on her back, and a very tall, way too old for her, and not nearly as goofy looking to be with his little...whatever, man was sitting beside her.

Laxus was sizing him up while Bickslow only glared at their backs.

"So now what?" Freed asked slowly as they all four stood there. "Do we approach them? Or do we all decide that this is better handled in private and, now that Laxus has, I hope, allowed Bickslow to feel a bit better, let him continue to heal on his own like good friends would be?"

"We're not friends, Freed," Mirajane reminded softly. "We're family. So...Bickslow, did you wanna-"

"How could you?"

This suddenly came out of the seith as they were standing there, a bit back from where Lisanna was, on that bench, before the platform. It got a few people to turn and look at him, but the place was so noisy that Lisanna, of course, didn't hear him.

"I mean," he went on as he still only stood there with Mirajane and his two friends. They all watched him silently as he spoke aloud, but seemingly not to anyone in particular. "I thought what we had was so good and great and...and...and to leave me for some other guy… What about our babies? And all the things that we used to do together? And what am I supposed to do all by myself now? You're my best friend. I'm just supposed to turn that off now? So that you can go out on some big adventure with some other guy? And what? Sit around and hope and wait for you? Huh? How that's fair? It's not! And I'm not going to. I'm… If you don't want me, fine. Then I don't… Then I don't want you either."

Just standing there, the four of them, the station seemed still, even though it was bustling around them. Laxus glanced down at Bickslow, who was hiding quite effectively behind his visor before to Freed who was nodding his head. Had it just been the three of them, how it should have been, that would have been the end of it.

Too bad the whole thing was Mirajane's brainchild and therefore she was right there with them.

"Mira, what are you doing?" Laxus had been ready to clap Bickslow on the back, give him and Freed some jewels to go out and get wasted on (sans him) and go back to his great day alone. Instead, he was having to reach out to grab his girlfriend's arm. "Stop it. Don't go over there. Bickslow got it all out. And-"

"No." She shoved Laxus off and, finished with that portion of things from her for the day, he only glared. "Lisanna just doesn't get to ride off into the sunset. Come on, Bickslow."

"M-Mrs. Boss-"

"She doesn't get to do this to you without hearing about it from me," Mira told him over her shoulder.

"If you are only planning on scolding her like a sister," Freed cautioned, "perhaps the three of us should-"

"I'm not doing it as her sister." Mira had her serious voice on and Laxus only looked off, knowing then that stopping her would be futile. "I'm doing this because Bickslow's hurt and she caused it."

"Mrs. Boss, you're not gonna-"

"I am."

"But no! Lissy's strong enough for that."

"Then she better get ready."

As Bickslow and Mirajane set off over to Lisanna, Laxus only said to Freed, "You were hoping not to be embarrassed in public-"

"I will not leave you to die of embarrassment alone."

"I've been with Mira for three years. Dealing with the Strauss siblings for three years." Laxus let out a long breath as, slowly, he and his most loyal friend went after the other two. "Embarrassment is long dead."

"Lisanna!"

Mira's tone was the punishing one and Laxus got a cold sweat just from the memories of their early relationship, where he got rebuked for nearly everything he did. Not a fun time.

The younger Strauss went ridged, anyways, at the sound of her sister's voice and only stared in shock as Mirajane came to stand before her, hands on her hip, anger, not disappointment, etched in her face. Because she would be disappointed later. Much later.

At the moment, it wasn't about Lisanna. It was about Bickslow. And showing him that no matter what, in the last three years with Laxus, not the one year he and her sister had been together, she'd formed a bond with him. More than just a friendship. And certainly nothing out of necessity.

"M-Mira? Wha- Bickslow did you tel her that I was-"

"How could you do this to him? Huh?" Mira was standing in front of the bench and, in shock, the guy beside Lisanna stared at the elder Strauss. "What has Bickslow ever done to you but care about you? And give you someone to listen to you? And love you?"

"What?"

"No one said nothin' 'bout no love, Mrs. Boss," Bickslow muttered from behind the woman as the ferocity in Mirajane's blue eyes out clashed her younger sister's. "Just puttin' that one out there."

"What are you two going on about?" Huffing as she got to her feet, she hissed at them, "And I am on a very important job, so-"

"A job?" Now Laxus was into it. Oh, boy, was he into it. While Mira was standing before her sister, he only went cross his arms and look very imposing towards the other man who was still only sitting there. To him, the slayer grumbled, "Just what kinda 'job' is this? Perv?"

"What?" The man looked to Lisanna who only frowned.

"Laxus, what is wrong with you? What's wrong with all of you? Go away!"

But he wasn't moving. Now that he had it in his head just why Lisanna had left Bickslow so suddenly, he wasn't going anywhere.

Now, he knew how lucrative such...jobs could be, but Lisanna wasn't that hard up for jewels, was she?

"You left Bickslow for this?" Mira frowned. "To...what? What is he paying you for? I mean, I was gonna give you a finger wag for cheating on poor Bickslow, but this… Are you...gonna have sex with him?"

"Oi, is that what this is?" Bickslow took a few steps back. "Lissy… I am appalled! And very...curious as too how this all came about. In fact, yeah,, this is kind of washing away my hurt a bit. Actually, hey! Have you been charging me this whole time? Because I like you, Lisanna, a lot, but after a year, you certainly weren't worth the debt that I'm going to go into paying for- Boss! Why did you hit me?"

Because he couldn't very well hit Lisanna's...john without killing the poor guy. But he could slug Bickslow one good for being creepy as hell.

"Oh dear," Freed sighed as he stood behind the bench, watching it all unfold. "Poor Ever. If she'd know what this would have turned into…"

"Don't say things like that, you dumb ass," Laxus was growling at Bickslow then who somehow managed to stay on his feet, a hand pressed tightly against his jaw. "What's wrong with you?'

"She broke up with me to become a whore, boss! I should be able to say whatever I want!"

"Not around me you can't!"

"What is wrong with you? All of you?" Lisanna was the one yelling then. "I'm not… I'm on a job! Go away! I-"

"You're coming home," Mira decided with a nod as her own shock was washing away. Now the disappointment was coming. Big time. "You… If you needed money, you should have just-"

"I'm not a prostitute!"

And now they had the whole attention of everyone around. It was actually a good thing she said it though, because Laxus was about geared up to hit Bickslow again. And that time, he was certain he'd bring him right down. Because it had to be his fault, he was nearly certain, that Lisanna was… She was wholesome, before Bickslow! Annoying, far too interested in the damn Salamander, but still all bubbles and flowers and…

Ugh.

Just ugh.

"Um, I-I'm not sure, exactly, what's going on here," the man she was with said as, with Laxus facing Bickslow, he was able to get to his feet with ease. Picking up his duffle bag, which had sat between he and Lisanna, the man said, "But I'm sure I can find someone with less...attachment for this job. I took a swing with you, Lisanna, because you told me it would be better to not go through the guild for this-"

"It was! It is! Please, wait! I had everything planned out and-"

"You clearly have a lot going on with...these people here." The man was taking steps away from them then as the others all watched. "This has put a hamper in all of my plans though and I do not think I will be contacting you again, much less a guild you would be associated with. I have heard great things about Blue Pegasus-"

"If you would just-"

"I must be going now." And he was too, at a fast pace, away from them. "Goodbye."

For a long moment, they all stood there. It was Freed, with a long sigh, that broke the silence.

"I have a very good feeling that we are about to find out that, once more, everything was blown out of proportion when dealing with the two of you, Lisanna and Bick-"

"How could you do this to me, Bickslow?"

Oh, and were they about to.

"Me?" The seith frowned at Lisanna. His babies, who'd been quite confused by the entire day, weren't sure what to do, as typically they'd greet Lisanna happily. At the moment, they seemed to just be floating around their father's head, unsure of what the protocol for such a moment was. "How could you do this to me, is the better question?"

"What did I do to you?"

"You left me! For… I'm not even sure anymore!"

"I left you to go on a job."

"Oh, whatever. You broke up with me and you know it."

"What?" Lisanna glanced around at the others who, a bit awkwardly then, were losing some of their tension. "Is that what this is all about? Is that what he told you?"

"W-Well, he came in quite distraught," Freed said slowly as he rested a hand over the hilt of his sword, quite uncomfortable in the moment. Evergreen was lal he could think about and how much she would hate him for allowing her to leave and miss such a drama filled moment. She loved nothing more than watching the Strauss siblings get what she called their comeuppance. Comeuppance which only she deemed them as dastardly enough to deserve, of course. "After the two of you spoke, you recall? Outside the guild hall? And said that you both were breaking-"

"When did I say that? Bickslow? You big..."

"Idiot." Laxus was slowly piecing together what was going on and felt like that was the closest thing to the string of curses he wanted to expel, but couldn't in front of Mirajane, that they could call Bickslow at the moment. "He's a big idiot."

"Na-ah!" He wasn't going down that way. No way. Not him. Bickslow wasn't no idiot! "I didn't misunderstand anything, Lisanna."

"You did so."

"Did not."

"Did so."

"You told me," he griped as he got right up in her face, "that you would be going away fro two weeks with some guy that you met months ago and when I tried to say something, you told me that you didn't want to hear it-"

"I didn't want to hear you talk me out of this job or say that I should tell my siblings or-"

"I'm not really clear," Mira interviewed with a bit of a blush, "on what's going on here, but if we're talking about unsanctioned jobs, Lisanna, then you're gonna be in some trouble, because I'm sure you approached this guy as a member of Fairy Tail and you have to at least report to me or Master about such-"

"Actually," Freed said then, "the rules on this are quite interesting, Mirajane. I don't know if you've read up on all the bylaws, but-"

"Enough." Finally, Laxus was going to be the one doing some interrupting. Shit, he'd been waiting all day to, honestly. Looking around at all of them, he said, "If you schmucks are telling me that I wasted my Mirajane free day playing therapist to two morons who were never even broken up-"

"Your what?"

Laxus coughed as his girlfriend glared at him. Then took a step back. "Never mind. Continue, guys."

Lisanna and Bickslow only kept looking at one another.

"You're telling me," he asked slowly, "that you were never going to break up-"

"Now I am!"

"Lisanna-"

"What is wrong with you? Huh? I say I'm going off and not to bother me for two weeks-"

"That's basically breaking up! I mean, shit, Lisanna, I can hardly even train with Freed and Ever anymore without sneaking off to get on the lacrima and talk to you."

"And here Ever and I were concerned about the length and frequency of your bathroom habits." Freed was a bit put out then too. "We'd been gathering jewels to send you to a doctor."

"I'll take the jewels, of course." Bickslow looked away from Lisanna for that. "I mean-"

"If you thought that I was leaving you, Bickslow," Lisanna said with a frown, "then why, exactly did you not come after me? Why did you need everyone else here? Huh? And why did you wait so long? And my train's here. Great."

"Well, you lost your client anyways," Laxus pointed out as he slowly started to backing away, hoping to make a quick exit. The way Mira had her dark eyes trained on him though, he had a bad feeling he wasn't going to be doing so though. "So-"

"Dragon, what is a day free of me? Exactly?" Mira was done playing with the others, it seemed. Great. "Because you're not escaping that."

"I didn't mean-"

"And Lisanna, why did you do this anyways? Huh? Taking a job under the table? Not to give the guild it's cut? Or something? Because-"

"I wanted to do it on my own!" Lisanna wasn't as tongue tied as Laxus, it seemed. "Elf always makes me go with him or Bickslow or you or… I'm grown too! And how dare you guys just think such horrible things about me for no reason. Do you not know me at all? And that guy was, like, so old. He had to have been thirty, at least."

"There's nothing wrong with being thirty!" Laxus frowned at her. "And if you want to go on jobs on your own, Lisanna, fine, but don't just be picking random people up off the street and traveling around with them. That's stupid. You-"

"I've known him for, like, three months. I met him in Magnolia and I can do whatever I want, anyways, Laxus, so-"

"Oh, we'll just see what you're brother thinks about that."

Because Laxus might not like Elfman, but hell he could definitely see the benefits in him patrolling the, admittedly, grown Lisanna.

"This is the exact reason I went around you guys and-"

"This is just all so confusing." Bickslow shook his head a bit. "So you mean to tell me that I inconvenienced myself at your expense for nothing?"

"Yourself?" Laxus growled. "You-"

"Hush, Laxus. At least he doesn't need days without his girlfriend."

"Mirajane-"

"Why would I ever breakup with you, Bickslow?" Lisanna asked, frowning at him then. "I mean, now I definitely have a reason, but-"

"Lissy, I was all heartbroken and I didn't understand and-"

"Because you never listen to me!"

"I listen all the time! To everything!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"What did I just say was the reason I went behind the guild's back to take this job?"

"...Shit, boss, who has days without their girlfriends, huh?" Bickslow was deflecting and he was deflecting quite well. "I mean, a fine woman like Mirajane? Who would ever do something like that? Huh?"

"Bickslow," Lisanna complained while Mirajane only nodded.

"Yes," she agreed, finger just itching to be wagged after the day it had had. "Who would?"

Freed only took a deep breath then before saying, "Well, not that this hasn't been fun, but if you two are both fine-"

"We're not fine." Lisanna crossed her arms. "He cost me a job."

"You about cost me my life, Lisanna. My metaphorical self was going to die without you!"

"Good. Maybe it should die."

"Maybe you should die."

"Maybe you should die first."

"Maybe I should to get away from you."

"Maybe you should."

"Maybe you should come how me with."

"What?"

"What?"

"I'm leaving. Bye, Mira. You deal with this." Laxus turned to head off then. "No longer my problem."

"Oh, we have our own problems to deal with, dragon." After making a face at both Bickslow and Lisanna, she set off after the man, Freed bowing to the pair before trailing after.

"You can run, dragon, but I traded shifts with Kinana until the evening to deal with all this, so I have all the time in the world to follow you around."

"Laxus! Do you wish for me to enact our Mirajane Distraction Protocol?"

"Your what?"

Laxus hated his family. All of them. Even the demon.

Especially stupid Elfman. Getting off without having to deal with all that. Unfair.

Mirajane sentenced Laxus to sitting up at the hall and watching her work duty, which was worsened by the fact that the others all gathered with him to discuss all the confusion that had occurred.

"I met him a few months ago," Lisanna said as they all sat huddled together at a table, Elfman in perhaps and even more sour mood than Laxus. Not only was his baby sister trying to ditch him before, but he and Ever were arguing intensely the entire day. It was horrible. "My client. He was looking for someone to accompany him on a journey to the boarder of Fiore and wouldn't be able to pay a lot, due to travel expenses. I told him he could either go to a major guild and get his jewels sucked dry, a minor guild and risk someone inexperienced, or go with me. Someone from a major guild, but willing to cut him a deal."

"So you were going to escort him," Evergreen clarified as she toyed with her hand fan. She'd missed out on all the fun (Freed keying her in to it all hadn't been enough), so she was going to take her jabs where she could get them. "You were going to be an escort."

"Ever," Elfman complained which only got an aggravated glare from his (sometimes, but not always) girlfriend.

"What? Huh? Why don't you focus on the fact that your own sister hates you and leave me alone?"

"She doesn't hate me! She hates being around me! There's a difference!"

"I don't hate either of those things, Elf." Lisanna made a face at him. "I just needed some space."

"Which is something people say when they break up." Bickslow wasn't letting go of the fact that he was, in no way, for fault in thinking he'd been dumped. "Need space."

"Shut up." She was sitting next to him though, practically in his lap, and it was all just so nauseating to Laxus.

To Freed too, it seemed, as he only said, "You know, next time the two of you go through something such as this, we will consider it crying wolf and do nothing."

"What did you guys do other than embarrass me? And ruin my job?" Lisanna snorted. "I bet you guys influenced Bickslow too. He's so easily persuaded."

"So," Bickslow agreed with a nod, "easily."

"Oh, shut up. All of you." Laxus was glaring across the hall to the bar, where Mirajane was talking softly to Lucy, who was seated there, about something. Probably the insanity that she caused her poor boyfriend's day to be. "You know, you're all lucky that I love Mirajane so much that I was willing to sacrifice my off day to run around playing out some sort of childish drama instead of just striking you all down with lightning and being done with the lot of you."

As Freed bowed his head, Elfman grumbled under his breath, Bickslow instructed his dolls to hide under the table (they were usually the first struck), and Evergreen pouted while toying with her fan, Lisanna only grinned for the first time since they'd ruined her job.

"It's okay, Laxus," she told him. "You can just admit that you love us."

Growling, he only summoned his headphones and latched them on, Mira's rules about not playing them so loud be damned.

Laxus was a man who craved solitude. And when he wasn't craving that, only short bursts of being around others. The only other thing was being around Mirajane. Not...all of them all at once for the entire day.

But…

Fuck.

Being in a family sucked.

[dtswritingthing]

Game Reviews: Nefarious

I’ve always enjoyed the character archetype of the self-actualized villain. You know, someone like Bowser; he’s the bad guy, he knows it, and he enjoys it. He’s evil because it’s fun and occasionally profitable. Video game villains have been doing this dance since the 80s, kidnapping the princess, waiting for the hero, having a little rumble, and sometimes break for tennis. But what would happen if the villain actually got away with it for a change? That’s the question we seek to answer in Nefarious.

You know you’ve been kidnapped too many times when you start learning all of the minions’ names.

Crow is a villain. It’s what his dad did before him, and his dad before that. He terrorizes Macro City, kidnapping its princess, Mayapple, on a semi-regular basis and is promptly thwarted by his heroic counterpart, Mack. However, one day, while in mid-kidnap, Mack decides he’s fed up with dealing with Crow and lets him get away with Mayapple without a fight (awkwardly breaking up with her in the process). As this is the first time one of his plans has ever made it to phase two, Crow is at a bit of a loss. Lacking a better idea, he decides to take his army on the road and kidnap princesses from around the world to power up a doomsday weapon (because princesses have magic powers, you see). I actually really like this game’s cast. Crow is dedicated to his villainy to the letter, opting for a backhanded approach whenever he thinks he can get away with it. The princesses he kidnaps (and prince in one case) all take up residence in his ship, the Sovereign, and actually start to respect crow in a bizarre mid-point between friendship and Stockholm syndrome. Crow’s secretary, Becky, makes for an amusingly deadpan foil to his theatrical attitude, and slips in a sarcastic remark every now and then to keep him grounded. Really, it’s great bunch of characters. Shame they’re not in a better game.

I appreciate commitment to a motif, but there is such a thing as too many dragons.

Sorry, that was mean, let me justify myself before I call the game bad. Nefarious is an action-platformer, kind of like a mix between Shovel Knight and Rayman, with maybe a pinch of Gunstar Heroes. Crow has two abilities: a punch and a ranged attack. Here’s a question: in most games, if you throw a punch at something, and it’s within the whole range of your arm, it takes damage, right? Well, Crow’s punch doesn’t work like that. As opposed to a straight line of damage, Crow’s punch only hits a specific spot about two feet away from him. This means if an enemy is right next to you, which most non-projectile enemies will be, your punch will literally go right past them. You can aim the punch in any direction with your stick/mouse, but that just makes it even more difficult to hit anything, since if you’re a little off target, your fist will just whiff harmlessly above an enemy’s hitbox. This problem can be mitigated slightly with fist upgrades like a triple punch or an explosive charge, but my point is that I shouldn’t need to wait until halfway through the game to be able to punch things efficiently. As for your ranged weapon, Crow’s personal favorite is a bouncing grenade. Not the best idea, since grenades are subject to gravity. More often than not, I missed my first couple of shots against any given enemy because the grenade’s trajectory is wildly inconsistent. You can use grenades to jump higher, but that actually works against you more than helps you. There were times I needed to keep running will firing on enemies, only to have the knockback from my own grenades stop me dead and leave me wide open. There are other ranged weapons you can buy, like a sticky grenade and a rocket launcher, which, again, mitigates a problem that shouldn’t really have been there in the first place. There’s also an assault rifle, but it’s completely worthless, and therefore is not worth talking about.

You know I never actually beat Chaos in the first Final Fantasy? I always felt bad about that.

The game does have two major elements to try and mix things up: the princesses and the “reverse boss fights.” When you kidnap a new princess, they give you an ability for the rest of the level that changes things up. The insect princess makes you jump higher with her wings, the ogre prince creates flame paths from your grenades, the dwarf princess rides you like a horse (which sounded a lot less sexual until I typed it out), et cetera et cetera. It spices things up a bit, though it doesn’t solve the game’s core problems. The reverse boss fights are when the local hero tries to stop Crow, and he fights back in a giant robot. The idea is that you’re playing as the giant evil robot, where in other games you’d be the little guy fighting the giant evil robot. It’s a cool idea, though not all of them work too great. One of the earlier fights, in which you pilot a flying capsule with a wrecking ball a la Dr. Eggman in Sonic the Hedgehog uses extremely wonky physics that don’t lend well to fighting a small target. Maybe that’s the joke, but it isn’t particularly funny when I have to keep trying to swing a ball and chain at a target that can knock off half my life just by jumping at me.

I’m not actually sure what this guy is supposed to be a nod to. Lost Vikings, maybe?

The frustrating thing is that I could probably stomach some of this (not all of it) if the game looked and sounded good. Unfortunately, it seems the entire art budget went to speech balloon icons. The actual character sprites look rather… what’s a nice way to put this… MS Paint-y. They’re blocky and smudgy and generally look like something I’d expect to see in a flash game on Newgrounds. And the sound- well, half the time, there isn’t any. Most of the enemies make no noise when moving or attacking. That wrecking ball fight I mentioned? Aside from when the ball touches the ground, it’s dead silent. Your ship makes no noise, the guy you fight doesn’t grunt or shout, and when he jumps or shoots at you, I might as well have ear plugs in. Have you ever played a game with no sound? It’s frigging depressing! Sound makes things seem alive, that’s why good sound design is important! The only constant is the music, most of which is just endless 50-second loops. I kid you not; one song is just a constant loop of some horns and a single sentence in Japanese repeated ad nauseam.

Tell me about it.

My playthrough of Nefarious clocked in at just under 4 hours, and that’s in spite of the fact that I beat every level, and even replayed one level I beat incorrectly to get the good ending. There are collectable records and crowns for completionists, but I’ve never believed miscellaneous collectables really count towards actual playtime. So let’s tally up here: cool cast, flawed gameplay, cheap design, and notably short. I’d say “one out of four ain’t bad,” but I’d be lying. Sorry, guys. It was a good idea, really, but you took it out of the oven too soon. For what it’s worth, you made some fun characters. Try putting them in something better next time.

Sorry, not happening. Thumbs down.

[lets-try-dota]

Batrider

Batrider seems to be the hero that everyone forgets. He’s well-rounded, and he works solidly in all stages of the game, which, despite making him a good hero, doesn’t give people lots to talk about.

That’s a fruit bat, apparently.

Difficulty: ◆◆◆◇◇ - Moderate

I will say, he’s definitely harder than he looks. His spells’ names and portraits were somewhat misleading to me, and even their descriptions seemed to evade mentioning crucial details about them. For instance, his W (Flamebreak) does no burst damage - only damage over time. I held a lot of misconceptions about his R (Flaming Lasso), which led to me greatly overestimating his capability. I initially thought it burned and did damage per second (it does no damage), and, before playing him, I thought I could lasso an enemy at range (you have to be right over them). These misjudgements killed me early on.

Durability: ◆◆◇◇◇ - Squishy

Batrider has very good health for an intelligence hero, but that’s all he’s got in his corner for survivability. He has a tepid escape in his E (Firefly), but that only serves him if he uses it to pass over cliffs. This is a bit of an issue, because Batrider’s spells are most potent when he gets up close and personal. It gives playing him a sort of thrill as the player tries to balance risk versus reward on the spot.

Damage Output: ◆◆◆◇◇ - Tough

There is no point in the game when Batrider is not a threat. In the early game, he’s a strong harasser and ganker, thanks to his Q (Sticky Napalm), which slows enemies in an area, weakens them to his attacks, and stacks fully with itself. With a couple stacks of that and his E, which lets him leave a trail of fire everywhere he goes, he can shut down any overzealous melee hero in the early game. His R in tandem with his Q and his E produces a lot of damage at any level, but, as with most heroes of his type, he faces a damage falloff in the late game. His is a bit less severe, but you can still feel it.

Support Viability: ◆◆◆◆◇ - Support

Batrider’s terrorizing spells work really well in a support role, actually. His W and his R can displace enemies, disrupting their formation; his Q provides a pretty notable slow; his E does great area damage per second, especially in conjunction with his Q. The fact that his spells are almost entirely area spells is great, too, because that gives him lots more versatility. He acts not only as a support, but also as a pusher and a defender, his E able to topple waves of creeps.

Sustainability: ◆◆◆◇◇ - Periodic

Other than his Q, Batrider’s spells have pretty noticeable cooldowns and high mana costs. However, his spells also last quite a long time, meaning that, when his mana pool gets big enough that he’s never low, he can deal pretty consistent damage, with his cooldowns running out by the time he’s traversed the map for his next duty.

Enjoyability: ◆◆◆◆◇ - Fun

Batrider’s a bit of a paradox, really. His spells, as concepts, are very reckless. His voice lines sound like a crazy cowboy. However, I found his gameplay to be almost methodical, and, after a somewhat irresponsible early game, I ended up planning most of my moves in advance. No matter, though, because his unique spells make almost any situation fun.

How the Match Went: ◆◆◆◇◇ - Close

We had a pretty momentous start, putting up five kills in as many minutes, and I severely outlaned Chaos Knight. When organized, the Dire proved tough, but never untouchable; we managed to knock them out of our base three times before the final push. We managed to push in their tier 3 middle tower over the course of the game, but by that point, we had given up all three of ours, stacking the game in the Dire’s favor.

However, there’s something to say about the defensive capabilities of our team. Between the five of us, we were able to split-defend all three lanes and even send them back around the bend. That did nothing but prolong the game for us, but it did let us catch up on levels (for what little that did).

Our biggest issue this time was a lack of late-game capacity, as well as just letting the enemy get too farmed. Dragon Knight was obviously overfed, but these stats don’t convey how much of a nightmare Chaos Knight and Warlock were. I think that Chaos Knight is imbalanced; I couldn’t find any way to deal with his ultimate, and his bottomless health pool, insultingly long stun, and teleportation abilities made him seemingly invincible. This is the second game in a row where he’s gotten like this, and I’m beginning to wonder if it’s a balance issue.

This match, I decided to do away with VALVe’s item guide and use a highly-rated guide from what appeared to be a high-ranking DotA player; thanks, Torte de Lini! The guide was pretty foreign to me. It included quirks like Boots of Speed as a starting item, no early game items at all, and both Force Staff and Blink Dagger as core items. I personally would have added a healing/damage item to this guide, such as Urn of Shadows. However, I have to commend it, as it’s very thorough - it even recommends a specific skill build, and has long explanations detailing why each item was selected and how each ability should be used!

I kind of get why Batrider isn’t brought up a lot. He’s fun, but not too fun; he’s powerful, but not too powerful; he’s squishy, but not too squishy. In DotA’s world of heroes who are all overpowered in some respect, he’s a bit modest, but not in any way that takes away from his enjoyability.