#also not going as hard on this blog as before bc dealing with this community can be...exhausting tbh

[arnaerr]

2024 summary

Each year, I want to write some kind of summary, but each year, I get too overwhelmed with the holidays season to do so. This time, I came prepared, so I wrote this text a bit earlier bc I knew that by now I will be a sleepy shrimp.

2024 was one of the toughest years for me, if not the hardest one so far. Dealing with the lay-off and long term unemployment took a hard toll on me and my mental health, but I'm still here despite it all, and I'm still creating. Really happy that I finally managed to find a job and can finally rest from grinding portfolio work and fighting for my life. Somehow this year turned out to be the most productive too. Something-something, strong emotions (even negative ones) are the best fuel for the inspiration.

This year, I focused more on my brushwork so I can bring my ideas to reality faster and avoid hurting my hand more - and I'm quite satisfied with the results, my hand's pain is almost inexistent at this point. Dance classes, crochet, and playing Elden Ring with the controller also helped to gently strengthen my hands so they are better at handling painting for a longer time now. I also tried to make my works more complex and thought through in general, focused more on the storytelling aspect and more interesting composition decisions. Really liked playing around with this stuff and can't wait to experiment even more. For a long time, I thought that my art has value only if it's being realistic and generic in terms of the game industry style. It took me a long time to acknowledge and accept this, as well as the fact how my painting style is a reflection of myself; I'm quite timid and shy in nature, and it also applied to my painting approach, I was always afraid to do bold brushstrokes, going wild with colours, showing my feelings through my art, expressing myself openly. And I feel like this year, I learned to be not afraid of who I am, not to try to hide my impressionistic approach to the painting behind smooth and "proper" brushwork. I'm not trying to fit into the standard anymore; sure, it would make my life easier in terms of finding an art job quicker and being more popular on social media if I had a more generic art style. But it feels so much better to allow myself to be who I am.

Elden Ring obsession was like the breath of the fresh air. For the several times this year, I was so, so close to having a severe art block, to losing myself in commissions & portfolio work, to losing the wonder the act of creation gives me. Elden Ring made me feel very inspired, gave me the courage to try to draw many things I was afraid to draw before; I really enjoy being a part of this fan community, and I've met so many wonderful and talented people throughout last months that it constantly fuels my inspiration; artists, writers, cosplayers, lore enthusiasts. In the last couple of years, I approach my social media profiles like a personal blog of sorts, not focusing on the painting only. And I really enjoyed sharing different sides of my hobbies with you, writing mini essays with the game analysis, and discussing it all in comments in DMs.

I couldn't survive this year without your support, and I'm forever grateful. Every like, reshare, and comment brightens my day. Special thanks to the people who bought my prints, donated, or joined my Patreon - you literally saved me. The fact that I had to rely on social media as the main source of income for so long did some damage to the ways how I view my own art, sometimes I feel too sensitive about numbers and algorithms and start to view my art as a content that has to be popular - I'm slowly but surely try to go away from this and to reconnect with my art once again; I want my art to be even more personal and detached from the popular needs; I need to get weirder.

Sometimes it feels surreal that so many people are interested in me and what I do.

Hoping for gentler times in 2025. Thank you

[lunabug2004]

**Warning: this post is not actually Byler or Stranger Things related (specifically)! Rather, it is a post about the blog, more specifically why I haven't been very active recently, but I do mention these things and I tagged them bc they are what my blog is about, therefore the ppl who know me probably do through these tags, so it felt right to do so. If anyone would like me to remove these tags, just say the words and I will!**

I'm writing this post because I want to apologize for being so inactive lately. Now, I know there's not anyone who sits and waits for me to post or celebrated every time I post or anything like that, but I still feel guilty. I've felt like such a part of the Byler (and ST) community here on Tumblr for the short amount of time that I've been on here, so idk, I just feel like I'm letting myself down ig, and possibly others for not contributing to this community I love so much.

I realize this is kinda sounding like a goodbye post, but it's absolutely not! It's actually kinda the opposite, because I'm here to say that I'm going to try to start posting regularly again! However... I still can't say that in full confidence just yet.

I'm now going to go into the reason(s) I've been so distant from this blog lately, and it may get a little personal, so feel free to scroll past if you don't wanna read anything more :) [also very slight trigger warning for bad mental states and terminal illness]

Okay, I'm aware I just said "reasons", as in plural, but there's really only one main reason that has kinda branched off into more (in a way). So what started it all: my uncle, who I've grown up quite close to, as all my family is very close (for example, growing up, we would have "family night"s every weekend where all ~10 of us would sit around and play games, laughing and talking for hours on end) was diagnosed with a very rapidly spreading terminal illness. Now, I'm not going to go into enough detail to say what it is, but I will say that his current life expectancy is 2-5 years, probably even less due to his severity. He also has a 13 year old daughter, who is now being faced with this awful situation, as well. This whole thing, as one would probably guess, has rocked my family to the core.

I think I've mentioned this before, but I am someone who does not get emotional. I rarely ever cry. I bring this up because one of the reasons I'm finding it hard to be active is because right now, I'm dealing with a lot of guilt and grief and part of the reason I'm feeling it so deeply is because I haven't cried over him yet. I feel like an awful human being, I feel like an awful niece. I just feel awful. His daughter, that I mentioned before, has always been closer to me than any of my other (younger) cousins have, so I feel even more awful for her and the fact that she is having to deal with all of this at such a young age. Anyways, to get to the point, these past few months I've been feeling like absolute garbage, and I've been so mad at the world it's honestly not even describable.

Okay, now, where does this blog come in? Well, at first I distanced myself just because I couldn't find the motivation to post, however I was still using ST and Byler to distract myself from it all. I couldn't think about really anything but my family, ST, and finals by the last week of this school semester. Then, finally, because of the break, I could sit down and find pure comfort in both Stranger Things (and my favorite Thai BLs) again. I thought about actively posting on the blog again. But then the wrapping happened. And it's like one of the only things that was bringing me comfort was also suddenly bringing me immense sadness at the same time. I knew it was coming, so I thought I would be ready, but it really overwhelmed me, and I lost all of my motivation yet again. After the comfort of spending Christmas with my family, including my uncle, I wouldn't say I feel better but I've at least more-so come to terms with everything. And I've also, still needing my #1 comfort show, already gone back to watching ST, so I finally feel like I'll be able to post again.

Now, there's other things that have been contributing to my stress, such as school in general, the thought that I might not want to be a math teacher after all (despite wanting that for as long as I can remember), my parents being stupid, and other stuff. But this is the main thing plaguing my life and my thoughts at the moment so... yeah.

I understand that this is probably stupid to some, talking about my blog and Stranger Things when this awful thing is happening in my life, and I also understand that most people probably won't even read this, but this blog and community is truly something that brings me joy, and I felt like all the the friends I've felt I've made on here deserved some type of explanation for my sudden disappearance.

If you've made it this far, congrats! I'm sorry I put you through reading this! I hope to see you when I make my next post, which will hopefully be very soon! <3

[zephyra-in-the-house]

Helloo! I wanted to say that I loved second chances sm, when I found a random chapter last year I read the entire fic in a couple days bc I had to know what happened next, then reread it every now and then while waiting for the updates

I like how we can see both sides of the coin with shadowpeach, how they both care but are still struggling for different yet similar reasons, their struggle with what they went through, dealing with each other's personality traits and habits(their own too) that are still hard to let go of, the glimpses of the consequences of the punishments and their backstory in general

And maybe it's a me thing, but I feel like your Wukong acts like he's a bit aro spec, maybe demi aromantic, and I love that he does, especially while still explicitly loving(and like longing for?) Mac sm

I got that feeling after rereading one of the conversations shadowpeach had in the kitchen when Wukong said something about just wanting to be near Mac, and having him as his best friend was so great kinda like there couldn't possibly be anything better

I know it's probably to show how he grew up, or his personality, and that he's dense (specifically when it comes to reading Mac's feelings towards him) but I feel that just adds to the similarities with the aro experience bc there's a side of the aro community that is blind to more romantic stuff, and romantic-coded gestures or more intimate closeness is just closeness all the same

And your Wukong gives me the impression that he just wanted Mac to be close to him, didn't matter what kind of close, and that he holds the title of "best friend" as a really special thing. Be it BECAUSE of Mac, or maybe since before becoming friends with him, like not just anybody would be his best friend (Also it was maybe to show his trust issues, but still)

I think Wukong said somewhere that he just wanted Mac to be happy to be around him, as happy as SWK was to be around Mac. And I know his inability to put his feelings(love) into words more than referring to a strong or special friendship is probably to show that he's not good with Feelings™, but I like to think that maybe he is enamored in the way a queer platonic love would feel like, so calling it a strong or special friendship kinda does cut it to some degree I think

Also the way Mei (everyone really, but she's more expressive about it, and we see her more than other characters) sees Wukong as a hopeless case, but I think Wukong would see Mac loving him strongly in any way as the best thing ever, as long as it's strong love, he wouldn't mind, love is love, like he just wants to be as special to Mac as Mac is to him

Also I'd love to see them be together even if they don't have the same kind of love for each other, bc the love they have for each other would still be just as strong, and would let them have just as strong of a bond, (in the future, as things are going I have hope, I do hope they end up together in this universe, even if nothing of what I'm saying fits them by the end)

I mean no disrespect to your original idea, or if that's not what u intended, I tried looking through your blog and I haven't found any mention of something similar or headcanons about it

But yeah, idk if u mind ppl putting headcanons on your stories? Some ppl do mind, so idk I just wanted to say that regardless of that hc of mine, I think how you write them is so cool and interesting, and I find that about Wukong really cool even if it's not really where the story is heading and it's been really fun to reread

Also sorry for the weird english, it's not my first language ^^'

First things first:

Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

I absolutely love in depth analysis like this it's so interesting to read and to hear what people think of my story. I 100% love writing this story specifically because it demonstrates how these two are completely different and yet eerily similar people who are just struggling to reconnect with other people despite them both having their flaws and traumatic experiences. It's really fun to write and explore and I absolutely love everything that you said here about it~

Duuude!! I fuckin looooveeee that headcanon! Holy shit that's so awesome! Honestly, I didn't even realize I was writing Wukong that way but now that it's been pointed out I can totally see it!

As someone who is kind of on the ace spectrum, I think I may have just subconsciously made it that way. Just like every other author I know, I have a habit of adding my own traumas/ideologies to my stories so I really shouldn't be too surprised LOL

But don't worry! I don't mind people making headcanons about my story~ In fact, that's my favorite part of writing is seeing how people interpret the story and seeing how they formulate it into drawings or headcanons like this! It's so cool!

Initially, my intention was to write Wukong as being oblivious/in denial about his own feelings and in general just bad with feelings. However, I really love your idea too! It's definitely one of those things where Wukong is just happy to be around Macaque. Macaque is "his person", the one he feels happy and comfortable around, the one he feels he can be open and honest around... and yeah I just realized how much that sounds like the beginnings of a queer platonic relationship LMAO

In any case!

I absolutely love your analysis and I 100% agree that Wukong would be okay with Macaque loving him in any way, shape, or form so long as Macaque feels as safe and comfortable and happy as Wukong himself feels when they're together. ❤❤

Thank you for reading!

[corcnaiism]

;-- alrighty so i have come to my decision. i will be moving my oc and my gf muses to another blog bc i feel like there is so much lore ive created and will be creating that will require its own blog for me to dump everything in without feeling like im clogging the dash.

i also been feeling like this blog has run dry and i need to start fresh again. i will keep it with the other muses i have just in case i get inspo to write them, but so far ive been nose deep in gf, especially with my oc that is heavily involved in that verse, so i feel like i just need another blog for me to throw all that stuff into.

i also just haven't been feeling comfortable in this blog anymore even with the things ive tried doing to make it easier for me to be around. it's like ive disconnected myself/been disconnected from the rest of the community, and i honestly just need to go somewhere else and start anew. even tho i might not get a lot of interactions for gf stuff, at least i won't feel like i'm blowing someone's dash and feeling annoying or something. sure, people would've just unfollowed/block me, but still idk i just feel uneasy speaking about the things ive been super passionate about lately. i might not get much traction either once i move blogs, but at least it'll feel like i'm throwing my ideas out there to those who genuinely want to see me yap my brains out or even just to myself without feeling awkward doing so.

i blame my low self esteem tbh. i just have zero confidence in myself when it comes to putting myself out there, and sometimes it gets to me that i don't have someone to talk to about things or feel like im being ignored/annoying. it's honestly just my own fault tbh and giving myself a hard time, and this is just something i deal with on a day to day basis whether it be online or irl.

so yeah ill just stop there before i get into trauma-dumping territory but uh yeah so ill most likely be creating a new blog and pouring all of my gf stuff on there with my oc and my other canon muses. i just feel like that's the better option bc like i said there has been so much ive written and still have to write about the worldbuilding for that universe where my oc exists within the gf realm that i feel it deserves to have its own blog. ill be turning this blog into my secondary blog and come back to it every now and then when i get muses for other fandoms. i feel like this will just be better for my own mental health too and stay away from feeling isolated.

if you read this far and you have written with any of gf muses, oc included, i will be moving our threads over to the new blog and tag you appropriately if you wish to continue. i'll post something on here whenever i've moved to the new blog so you're aware that it's me tagging you just in case you're confused as well as sending dms. i'll probably have this new blog up and running after the holidays and my trip, so expect an update or two on the upcoming new year.

and another note if you've read this far, i wanna wish you all happy holidays and please make sure you do what you can to stay safe. i love you guys and thank you so much for giving me another lovely year <3

[dykehelly]

i don't have experience in poly relationships but i feel like that's something i want for my life. i was wondering if you could recommend any resources for learning and talking to partners/potential partners? or just any general advice

ty and i really enjoy your blog 🤍

hi!! that's great I love that for you! the good news is that like EVERYONE on dating apps rn, at least in my area, is poly (more like 50% or so but that's still a Lot).

as far as resources, check out the book polysecure, which has a lot of good info on how to healthily be in a poly relationship. (it hinges on attachment theory so ymmv, but I've found it to be a good resource.) also check out r/polyamory tbh. it can get a bit repetitive and annoying but most of the community consensus points are pretty valid.

my biggest piece of advice is DON'T get involved with people who are dating as a couple. I think this is something that can MAYBE work if you are very experienced with polyamory, but generally couples explicitly looking for one person to be with both of them are called unicorn hunters and kiiiinda shunned because it's just a bad vibe. (basically because if a couple is a package deal, what happens if you like one of them but not the other? what happens if you want to break up with one of them but not the other?) (this specifically applies to romantic relationships imo. like if you wanna be a third for a threesome now and then I don't think that's as big a problem.)

it's possible you will date someone and find you are also interested in their partner, and as long as that happens organically it's generally fine! this is often how triads happen, this is how I ended up in a triad myself! in this scenario you should read about couple's privilege, which I believe is discussed in the r/polyamory FAQ. in my triad I was part of the established couple initially and I know that even though we did our best to make our newer partner feel like an equal in the relationship, it was hard for them at times, especially before we were "out" as poly, because essentially in certain environments they were the "secret" partner. (exacerbated by the fact that they lived farther away.) (we later worked to rectify this and make sure everyone important knew we were a triad, but this is something that absolutely came up.)

other than that, every relationship is going to have its own issues and boundaries and it's really just about communication. my relationship rn (I currently just have one serious partner, with a couple fwb type situations) is very very chill but we still have to talk about boundaries (e.g. "please change the sheets after you have someone over") and we frequently check in with each other just to be sure things are all good (e.g. "do you mind if I start spending 2 nights a week with x?") (the answer is pretty much always "no, you're good," and some of these questions/issues only make sense bc we live together!)

there are lots of things to check in on, so just make sure you do so as things come up! for example, some people might not want to use sex toys that you've used with another partner. most people will probably want some form of the sheet-changing rule, I think, plus it's just polite. some people want to meet their partner's other partner(s), and some people would rather be "parallel," where they don't meet at all. some people are happy to hear about your other relationships or sexual partners, and some people would rather you keep discussion minimal. lots of things are a matter of preference, so you want to figure out what you're comfortable with and make sure you find people that are roughly compatible with those expectations, but also expect to have to compromise sometimes, as in any relationship.

anyway! that was a lot! hopefully some of it is helpful <3 good luck!

[hermionc]

have not been able to come on here bc tumblr really brings me back to my 16-24 yr old self and she would be so affected by this. but man. i’m upset and everyone on twitter is playing woke police (as they do) and i really need to just

my one direction era kinda predates this blog actually, i was transitioning away after zayn left bc i felt like the illusion was shattered

been crying on and off the last few days. i feel horrible that he’s gone and i feel horrible for even feeling horrible

the nuance required here is beyond what i could fit on twitter, and to be honest so many people on there are just barely no longer teens themselves they have no idea how to relate to this feeling with me . like they weren’t there . and i’m glad cuz this feeling is jarring

i can’t remember mourning a celebrity before this. which is probably bc i’m only 29. like this just happened so quickly and he was so young i was in shock the first day and was like, oh, just another celebrity death whatever lols thankfully idc anymore. and then the next day the memorial posts started flooding in not only from the other boys - i know they’re grown now but we grew up together and they’ll always be those boys to me - but also from names i haven’t thought about in years - lou teasdale, josh devine, max from the wanted, greg horan 😭

and today i started to see posts from other fans.. people i had connected with over a decade ago. or people i never knew but who went through that experience with me regardless

it hits harder and harder every day. haven’t showered since tuesday. hair is a mess. was scraping by doing the bare minimum at work

now it’s the weekend and i’ll have a chance to catch my breath. or maybe just sit with it some more

liam was one of my first favorites in one direction. i was impressed with his vocal tone and range, i could always pick out his lines because at first he was just more mature and practiced than the others when it came to singing

i remember when he followed me during one of his twitter follow sprees i literally jumped off the sofa with my ipad in hand and started crying. my mom was like what is happening 😭 but she knew it had to do with That band because at that point, in my life, everything was

an escape when my teenage years were filled with so much strife - dad moving out on us after literally trying to kill my mom, brother in and out of the hospital, mom struggling to make ends meet and pay the bills while going to university for the first time in her 40s — on top of just regular teenage shit.

not fully understanding how the csa i suffered as an infant had affected me and attempting to navigate my own sexuality within that. allowing so many men to treat me as an object to be used - sexually, emotionally, whatever - bc that’s what i felt i deserved.

and almost zero support to pick up these pieces. living in shame and dealing with self doubt and downright hatred. until i realized i could find a healthier escape - not sex, not drugs, not rebelling at school - connecting with a community over music and these boys who were offering us a safe space. one direction would be there to help me handle some of the toughest life changes anyone has to deal with. emotional loss of a parent. restructuring of a household. neglect. bullying. hypersexuality. friends suicide attempts

but at the end of the day they were always there with a twtcam or a follow spree or a concert where other fans could post videos

it’s so heartbreaking to think it will never happen again. ever. because he was troubled and on drugs and fucked up from fame. we’ve seen this so many times and the news cycle will move on and life will continue for the rest of us but my god it’s so hard to stomach

someone who once offered you so much support without even knowing - made me smile on days i would have been numb or crying. whose voice comforted me more than anything else at one point.

it’s so fucking hard and complicated i guess is what i’m trying to say. and it hurts. and i don’t use this blog anymore so if you read even part of this — thank you. i love you

[lettucedloophole]

hi, I'm a trans feminist and I've been saddened by the lack of feminism in many of my communities. I'm wanting to follow more feminists on here but honestly it's a bit terrifying because so many people claiming to be feminists or trans inclusive are not remotely so and will throw you under the bus in the blink of an eye, if not slowly spread insidious essentialist ideas about gender that hurt everyone but especially those like me.

as a former terf (from your bio) I was wondering if you have any signs, green or red flags, for people and bloggers in particular, regarding radical feminism that may indicate some form of more subtle terf-y beliefs so I can keep an eye out from them, as typically I stay far away from terf spaces for the obvious reason that they hate me, but I've noticed there's some mixing in more rad fem spaces that can be very hard to disentangle, but I don't want that to stop me from engaging with feminism for again, obvious reasons.

also if you have any trans feminist or trans friendly feminist bloggers you'd recommend, especially transfeminine ones, that would be really cool too.

ty for your time! have a great day

hi! not gonna lie its difficult out here 😭 you're dead on that most ppl claiming to be trans-inclusive or feminists are not remotely. i follow people and then have to unfollow when they post or like something strange still ...

i would say chiefly, follow your instincts. as a trans person, especially if you're tma, if you're getting bad vibes you are probably correct. if you're not in a space to deal with bigotry then don't worry about giving the benefit of the doubt, avoiding feminism online won't revoke your feminist card but i know looking at feminism online can also be very healing when dealing with misogyny uh Everywhere so i'll give some other tips.

- the classic "look up trans on their blog before you follow." depending on what type of blog they are, it can be kind of suspicious if they never mention trans people. and then you can very easily weed out the obvious transphobes with this too.

- i would say some red flags are using the adjective "natal" (as in natal women), referring to cis women's oppression as sex-based while trans women's as. Not sex-based, and buying into "trans women are male socialized" rhetoric. this may seem kind of obvious but even if a person doing this identifies as a tirf they're revealing a clear lack in understanding of what transmisogyny is and how trans women exist in the world. this is often how people think before fully deradicalizing, but a lot of people also just begin here or never leave this mindset.

- avoid guys who talk about transandrophobia 🥶🥶 this is a specific thing bc speaking about transmasc issues in itself is obvi good and not bad but sooo many transmascs will try to pose their issues in opposition to transfems and try to do a "well but does transmisogyny exist really because i am Also tma" thing. usually these guys are gonna come out with some real fucked up talking points about trans women because they think they're oppressed by them 🙃 the term "transandrophobia" has kinda been overrun with people like that from what ive seen but ppl can use "anti-transmasculinity" and still mean the same things yk. you have to use your judgement a bit but once you're familiar with them it's easy to spot them out

- this is less of a tip and just a heads up but even blogs who themselves r trans inclusive or profess to be, or are run by a trans person, can still rb terf blogs, i probably have sometime as well though i try to avoid it and i'm not saying you have to avoid that but it's just a common thing, so if that bothers you you should look for a page that's more in the trans community or another community

- honestly the radfem tag is a cesspool and even the tirf tag can be Questionable 😔 it's going to behoove you most probably to just look for transfeminist and other sorts of patriarchy-averse individuals lmao. i looked at the transfeminism tag for the first time today (don't know why I hadn't sooner actually) and it's good! there's some stray weird posts but definitely better than the rf tag on here 💀

i would rly just recommend you check out some blogs, follow them if you think they're neat, and unfollow if you want to later on. that's generally what i do and i've followed some cool people on here from it :]

i don't have as many recommendations as i would Like to give but that's not to say there isn't transfeminists out there. they're just in their own circles. don't feel like u need to settle for terfy tirfs or antifeminists because you can find ppl you feel kinship with!!!

- i really like @taliabhattwrites ! she has a substack where she gives good insight on feminist issues, not only transmisogyny but lesbian issues as well. she also writes EPIC fiction about lesbians and trans women 🙏🙏 has taught me a lot over the years

- shey're not active rn, but i've really liked looking through @transmisogyny-explained 's blog. very informative and good to either unpack transmisogyny in yourself or perhaps help others do so.

- @leftismsideblog mostly talks about youthlib, but when she does talk about gender, they r Correct lol

- if u have a twitter, this is a must-- FOLLOW BLOOMFILTERS. they are so incredibly kind and smart and the mixing of that compassion and intelligence in a person is just bound to make Good Takes. she is an icon

i hope this can kinda help you and stay strong out there :')) it's rough but im rooting for u 💪 my asks or messages r always open if you need some help or just someone to talk to. i hope u have an awesome day too!!!

[ninepentz]

Wendy Williams diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia and aphasia

So it's officially come to light, that Wendy Williams is diagnosed with the conditions I mentioned above, I can't say I'm surprised bc over the years she seemed to be getting worse in health. Such sad news to hear about anyone to be honest. I'll leave a link for more info on her diagnosis below for those interested.

What I want to do here is just check her chart + transits to see what they can tell me about this recent diagnosis.

I know that when Bruce Willis was diagnosed with the same condition, Saturn was transiting right over his mercury and sun I believe, which was crazy to me bc frontotemporal dementia and aphasia affect speech/language, understanding, personality, motor function, daily functioning, decision making, our memory, our neurons.. so basically all mercury related things. It was just insane to me that astrology explained what was happening. And I hope to do the same here with Wendy Williams charts, I've pulled up her natal chart and the airing date of her last episode. So let's dive in..

I'm using the last episode air date bc this is the only exact date I have that shows when she was beginning to have serious issues.

So the 1st aspect I was looking for and expecting to see was mercury aspecting saturn and yeap it's definitely there.

Last episode chart at the top and Wendy's birth chart at the bottom, cancer sun, aquarius rising.

Her natal mercury opposing transit saturn:

So this tells me that as Saturn transitioned over her mercury things were happening outside of her control, she was unable to understand things the way she used to, she was possibly going more mute than she would like, maybe she felt that something was holding her back from speaking/expression, things in general were just difficult and it was a lot pressure surrounding this all.

Her Mercury was transitting into the 12th house during this time so she could of been slowly becoming deluded, confused, in the dark, wanted to hide away, she basically didn't want anyone to know what was really going on at this time. She may have also been heavily medicated to deal with the truth of her situation, maybe she didn't want to face the truth in some way and was using substances to lessen the pain. She knew for a while what her condition was, long before we did, she just wasn't ready to share with the public.

And like I said above I was def expecting to see this aspect, so it's safe to say that mercury-saturn transits can def affect communication, travel, activities, decision making, sometimes in really harsh ways such as what happened with Wendy Williams and Bruce Willis. I'm currently going through this transit myself, mercury conjunct Saturn and it feels more so like I'm unable to start things as smoothly as I would like, delayed communication, thoughts, struggling to write esp bc I have mercury in the 3rd house. I used to be more free with my communication, my level of activity, creativity and ever since it's conjunct Saturn I feel like I'm stuck in place, more serious than I used to be. It's a hard, depressing, limiting transit to go through. Mercury is also much deeper than I can even explain it, but soon I'll try to make a blog post on everything that I know.

Natal saturn conjunct transit saturn:

I recently went through this and actually it's still going on right now as we speak, it feels very much depressing, there's always obstacle after obstacle when it comes to this type of transit. It also means that she was going through her 2nd Saturn return I believe. So that must of been harsh, it is a transition period that represents your growth over the years, it sets up the stage for the future years to come and who you will be moving forward.

Saturn transits are basically showing us the results of our actions, karma or in general just the sequences/cycles of our life, it's almost like sobering/awakening period. It can be a good reminder of all the things we need to work on.

Natal uranus square transit mercury:

Interesting so she was definitely aware of everything going on and was irritated that things just weren't going her way. It's like everything was unpredictable or going haywire.. in general maybe she was unable to function with tasks, communication. She was having a rough time during this transit. Being forgetful, inappropriate, moody, impulsive/erratic etc.

Natal MC opposite transit mercury:

Crazy.. for those of us who are fans of wendy williams and have been keeping up with her over the years, you would know they this show was something special. It was literally Wendy's calling to speak, and do her thing. She started out on radio stations before she eventually got her own TV show, so her calling in life was this. Basically expressing her thoughts/opinions/truth, she was a universal figure who could speak on things that mattered in the moment. She has a Sagittarius MC so imo, her purpose/career was truth telling, being educational, philosophical, being a big personality type you couldnt miss, she was an entertainer forsure.

And her MC transiting onto mercury is literally as clear as day telling us something was amiss here, out of her control, she was unable to do what she usually can do just fine. Oppositions can often show point of crisis moments, so things were unstable, contradicting, unbalanced. In other words, her career/public life was being affected by mercurial type things. Technical, communication, motor function, daily tasks, travel, thinking/logic/processing-difficulties.

Natal moon square transit saturn:

She felt very alone during this time, she knew and was aware of her reputation as someone who talks about people for living, so this was maybe a transit where she felt isolated, alienated, lonely, awkward. She def didn't want to tell anyone why her show was being cancelled bc she knew the reaction she would get and theres really nothing she could do about it bc people weren't wrong for feeling how they feel.

Mercury sextile MC:

Out of anything that came out from all this, this is a good aspect to see in regards to her career and legacy. I think Wendy Williams def was apart of making the decision to end her show. I hope she had a moment to gather everything in her own way, not being rushed, pressured, or told what to do next. Hopefully she had time to plan what she wants the rest of her life to look like. Atleast that's what I would of tried to do if I knew that I would be losing my memory, personality, ability to make decisions about my life in a few years. So maybe she made a plan for herself and hopefully it didn't/doesn't end up in the wrong hands.

✨Nine of Pentacles ✨

[motherhoodministry]

Lack of alignment moment

I've created this blog to not only promote my Pregnancy Journal but also reveal true vulnerability that a pregnant woman endures. I felt that the best way to fully show that is through healing through my prenatal journal and through the power of words. During emotional times I tend to shy away due to my own struggle with my vulnerabilities as a mom. I can no longer hide that part of myself if I am to fully show what I want my prenatal journal to assist with.

Today was a tough day. I've been having many tough days, lately. Normally, I am pretty optimistic about my life. I stand by my choices, and I have allowed my path of healing to be an example to women that I've encountered in my life to be a testimony.

I work on the weekends, along with 2 days out of the work week. I work 10-hour days which can be long for a pregnant mom in her late 30s. I leave in the morning, and I don't make it back until the night. I endure this schedule because I make more money on the weekends and at night. I work for my dream employer with awesome benefits, an awesome manager, and an awesome work environment. With these blessings I also have heavy struggles. I don't have a car, so I use rider share apps to get to work which does cost me. I don't have a washer and dryer so i visit the laundry mat twice a month, which entails picking up heavy laundry bags and bending over and backwards to go sometimes at 4 am before work to make this happen. I broke my phone recently so I am stuck with an iPhone that only works on Wi-Fi so when I do go places, I am constantly praying they have Wi-Fi so I can make it back home. Also, I constantly deal with people cancelling rides on me bc it's such a hassle to get on to my work campus, so I'm usually not able to get home until after about a hour after I get off work.

When I get off work, I LONG to see my babies. I really wish I could work from home around my beautiful loving babies. So it seems like every weekend I'm in tears because I am waddling/running out to the parking garage, so I don't miss my Lyft ride because I have to use the Wi-Fi at work and when I leave the main building it cuts off. So, I have to hurry to get down 5 floors to make sure I meet my ride in time. (In the past, I have missed rides, was charged a partial payment for missing a ride, or just standing out there waiting not knowing they have cancelled on me).

Since I don't have a phone, I have to communicate with my teenager through email. His iPhone stopped working, so I have to count him using my laptop to check my email to email me back. Well today he never emailed me back. So at work I had to pray that everything was ok. I prayed all the way home that my babies weren't hurt, or something happened as to why he never replied to my email. Found out that he just never checked it, but I also found out that someone left a metal bowl on the stove and turned it on. So, the food ended up burnt on the bowl which could have led to a fire. Mind you I just came home with feet swollen and overall exhaustion to hear that they could have burned down the apartment if they didn't find the burnt smell. So all this did was reconfirm that I need to hire a Sitter for my kids because my immature, teenager may not be able to watch them effectively. Especially since no one could tell me, who turned the stove on? Which leads to my thoughts of lack. Lack of financial resources to hire someone. Lack of financial resources to get a car. Lack of financial resources to buy furniture of the home. Lack of financial resources to buy baby things for my newborn once he gets here. Just overall LACK.

In the middle of me cooking I began to break down and cry. I don't like my babies witnessing me breaking down, so I rushed to my room and just dropped to the floor and cried. I thought ' Life shouldn't be this hard for me'. I understand that nothing is perfect, but I've been struggling to maintain my faith in the universe without feeling like I'm being punished for something. I am doing so much to create a better life for my babies and I but there is so much resistance and contrast. All I could do is cry out the words ' Why?'.....

As I'm crying, I feel even worse because I can feel that Elo has stopped moving. He hears me bawling into my hands. All I can think about is how tired I am and that once I stop crying, I must pull myself together make my babies dinner. Even when I'm breaking down I still have to make sure I get back up to keep going. For my babies, I will keep going because they deserve so much more than what I struggling to provide. Eventually, I stopped, wiped my face, prayed, and walked into the kitchen and made spaghetti for my babies. My younger two, came in and hugged me. Rawlo told me " Mommy I will always be on your side" and my baby girl, Peaches, told me " I love you Mommy". The most precious words any mom need to hear after feeling like a failure.

I am sharing this moment to show that within the pregnancy journal there are spaces to just BE. Even when being is at a lower frequency than I would like. There are many pregnant women today who are working while creating life but all we want to do is rest, love on our babies and just nest our home. There are many pregnant women who are alone, with no protection or provision from a partner. With no comfort from their mother or grandmother. Just out here, vulnerable, sensitive and susceptible to so many different energies and hardships. I am more determined today to be a healing light for those and for myself. Because we are in need of it the most.

[mason-ajar]

Opinion/hcs for the idea that Swordflames (Xander, Yugo, Ukyo, and Quon) are in a polyam relationship?

i am very sorry for the long wait 😵‍💫 i just struggled to bring all my silly little thoughts together

here r just a bunch of random drabbles i have accumulated abt them over the past two weeks! may be ooc and cringe, but if you have been following my blog it’s kinda warranted by now.

fellow swordflames enjoyers pls add onto this if you’d like 🫶🫶🫶

- because my little brainworms said so xhaka and quon were already in a relationship beforehand! i do in fact make the rules.

- when quon does come back, ukyo has to deal with feelings of resentment before anything else. i feel like ukyo would struggle with thoughts of feeling inadequate in their relationship, simply because they met after the other three, and she’d absolutely not verbalize those emotions at all. communication is something that i think he’d struggle with.

- hm my thoughts r that xhaka’s the one that officiates their relationship. he notices how (despite all the scaring) quon and ukyo hit it off pretty well after ukyo resolves his resentment, and it’s hard to ignore yugo’s little puppy crush(es)

- ukyo’s main love language is physical touch: they love hugs, running their fingers through their partners hair, holding hands- u name it! and of course scaring the living daylights out of his partners.

- but im kinda stuck on what the others love languages would be lol.

- when quon comes back to the dojo, he isn’t accustomed to the specialized training regimen anymore. what i’m saying is that he spars with yugo and absolutely eats shit.

- i’m unsure if ukyo and yugo live full time at the dojo, but because i don’t care enough to look back i am simply going to believe it’s canon!

- even before they get together, they are always having silly little impromptu sleepovers; they definitely crash in xhakas room.

- when quon comes back they just have to get a whole new bigger bed bc they just couldn’t all fit comfortably on xhakas anymore 😭

- big spoon ukyo little spoon xhaka LMAOO they make it work.

- QUON AND UKYO MATCHING EARRINGS 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

- okok i really wish i could give you more substantial thoughts, but literally all there is in my mind is domestic fluff. i am just thinking abt them going on dates and their silly day to day shenanigans. like laundry, or their morning routine; them getting ready for the morning, cramming into the bathroom and smiling at each other in the mirror as they brush their teeth. them heading out to start practice and spar; ukyo’s on a winning streak until xhaka wants to spar with her, effectively breaking that streak. on slow days at the dojo they decide to end practice early and head to town even if just to walk or fuck around in a convenience store and eat snacks in the parking lot. or maybe they head down to the skate park and quon teaches the others how to skate, with ukyo, the ever-so graceful, struggling to stay balanced on a skateboard. yugo makes fun of him, but is still conveniently right behind for supposedly no reason. xhaka surprisingly picks it up best out of the three, and quon excitedly talks about how he should get his own board. they decide to go home before it’s too dark to safely climb the mountain, throwing their shoes off and immediately crashing once they get in xhakas room.

- sorry woah what just happened i just blacked out and there was a whole paragraph sitting in front of me

- segway into more fluff

- xhaka getting up earlier than the other 3 to make them a nice breakfast.

- yugo being awkward abt giving affection, but still finding other ways to be there for his partners. specifically i think he’d be a really good listener. sometimes he leaves notes in places he knows his partners will see. he doesn’t sign them, no one brings them up, but everyone knows who wrote them.

- also yugo watching youtube tutorials just so he can do ukyos hair in the morning..

- yugo trying to keep up a stoic appearance, but xhaka makes him laugh one day and he swears his heart skips a beat.

- quon seeing something that reminds him of his partners and buying it for them 😓😓 i am such a sucker for the “this reminded me of you.”

- xhaka having cute nicknames for them on his phone

- idk man something about yugo and quon just laying in bed and talking to each other. they r stuck in my brain.

- xhaka taking ukyos hands. no reason in particular, he just knows she’d would probably appreciate it. ukyo does, in fact appreciate it.

- quon and xhaka training some rookies, standing on opposite sides of the training room, smiling at each other.

ok thats it for now LOL i think they’re silly

[t0wnspersonb]

Twin Bed (Tsukishima Kei x Reader)

Anonymous said:

are u taking requests rn? 🥺 ive read ur tsukki fics and i know to myself ur the only one who can write this request amazingly: tsukki sneaking in to his s/o’s room at night bc he misses her and he saw how cute she is in her pajamas but couldnt help getting turned on as well bc she is wearing shorts and an oversized shirt it also didnt help that her bed is for one person only ;) UR AN AMAZING AUTHOR AND NEVER STOP WRITING TSUKKI OR HAIKYUU SCENARIOS COS THE PPL NEED U

~~~

Word Count: 2,475

Rated: Explicit

Warnings: SMUT, my shit writing, bad language

~~~

Yoooo this is was legit so fun to write lmao. I hope I did your request justice anon and I appreciate your kind words!!! I know I have other requests sitting in my inbox and I will try and to get to them soon. I might be a bit inactive the next couple of weeks, I will be going vacation (I definitely fucking need it lol) this week and then I start classes again. RIP. I hope you guys enjoy this one and let me know what you think!:) I literally am at a lost for words with how amazing you guys are and how unproblematic you guys have been considering the bullshit that’s been going around in the community. I just want to reiterate that this is a safe and fun place for everyone, it is never my intention to make anyone uncomfortable and if I do please let me know so that I can apologize correctly for it! But to make things clear I will not tolerate any fuckery on this blog, I don’t have the energy nor the patience to deal with shit like that. We are all capable of being decent human beings to each other. No drama, no bullshit, just a fun and safe place for everyone that wants to be part of it. ANYWAY, enough of my ranting, please enjoy this filth and my shit writing lmao 😘😘😘💕💕💕💕

~~~

You frowned slightly as you looked at your phone, your eyes squinting against the harshness of the light. 

 Tsukishima had texted you, multiple times - at two in the morning - in fact. While you dearly adored your boyfriend of only five months, you didn’t exactly adore the fact that he woke you up at this time.

 Especially considering you had to be up in about five hours to get ready for an exam.

 You sighed through your nose as you tugged your blankets from your body and made your way to your door. 

 “Kei… it’s two in the morning…” You yawned, looking up at your tall boyfriend with sleepy eyes. “The dorm manager is going to get mad at me if she catches you here.” 

 “Well let’s not get caught then.” he drawled out, gold eyes flickering over your body. A blonde eyebrow arched up; “is that my shirt?”

 You blinked at him for a moment, not fully registering what he had just asked before a soft blush began to coat your cheeks.

 You were definitely wearing one of his shirts, a green Sendai Frogs shirt that was way too big for your body, given his tall stature. He had left the shirt at your dorm two weeks ago, and naturally you wore it to bed almost every night. 

 “No.” You said in a small voice, carefully playing with your fingers as you looked up at him through your lashes.

 A soft blush covered Tsukishima’s cheeks before he scoffed, his slender fingers reaching up to push his glasses back up his nose. “You’re a terrible liar. Looks good on you though.” he said, brushing past you to get into your room.

 You turned to see him plop himself onto your bed, and you couldn’t help but stare. It was a strange sight to see to say the least. His 6’4 frame was just a tad out of place in your room, especially sitting on your incredibly small bed. But more so he was out of place because, well, your boyfriend was beautiful. It was like a Greek god decided to pay you a secret visit before the sun came up, ready to disappear at any moment. 

 Tsukishima’s hair was tousled perfectly, the tight black shirt he wore complimented him perfectly, emphasizing his broad shoulders and thick biceps. You felt your mouth go dry as you realized that he was wearing grey sweatpants, clinging low on his hips.

 How could someone look so good at two in the morning?

 “Are you just going to stare at me the entire time?” He called out, his back leaning against the wall your bed was pushed up against, his phone in hand. 

 “You’re the one that wanted to come over.” you frowned, locking your door before making your way towards the bed. “You’re taking up all the space.” You whined. 

 He rolled his eyes before his long legs parted, creating a space on the bed. “Come here.” 

 You felt your face burn even more, a strange shyness overtaking you at the intimate position he wanted you in. 

 It wasn’t like you had never been close to Tsukishima before, you guys had been intimate, many times... but then why were you so nervous all of a sudden?

 “What are you waiting for?” he asked, a blonde eyebrow quirked up.

 “Shut up.” you grumbled, carefully climbing over one of his long legs. You settled yourself against him, your upper body fitting easily between his legs, your back resting against his stomach and your head gently pressing into his strong chest.

 Resting against Tsukishima was far better than resting in your tiny bed. 

 One of his arms carefully wrapped around your waist, his large hand gently pressing against your stomach, the other hand held his phone in front of both of you, a volleyball game overtaking the screen.

 It was silent for a moment, both of you absorbed in the video. It had only been fifteen minutes into the game when Tsukishima began looking over your body. His gold eyes taking in your bare legs before flickering up. He zeroed in on the exposed skin of your hip, the shirt you wore had been pulled up slightly. 

 He swallowed thickly, arousal beginning to spike in his blood. Christ, it wasn’t like you were naked right now; it wasn’t like you were wearing anything incredibly enticing, but… fuck. Tsukishima began wracking his brain for when the last time it was that he had seen you. That’s right, it had been a while, a little over two weeks in fact. 

 His sudden desire was because he had just missed you right? He couldn’t possibly be turned on from the simple fact that you were in the shortest shorts known to man, or the fact that you were in his shirt and you weren’t…. Christ, you weren’t wearing a fucking bra. 

 He could see your hardened nipples through the shirt despite how baggy it was on your small body. 

 “Can you hold the phone, my arm is getting tired.” he said quietly, hoping that you hadn’t felt his hardening member against your back just yet. 

 “Really Kei?” you rolled your eyes but took his phone nonetheless, your eyes completely glued to the screen. The game was just beginning to get interesting.

 It was silent again.

 But this time, Tsukishima trailed his hand down to your exposed skin, carefully sliding his fingers under your shirt, gently tracing against your soft skin.

 You sighed softly at his touch, your body wiggling slightly against him to get more comfortable. Tsukishima took that as a good sign, his hands traveling further up, the rough pads of his fingers felt incredible against your skin; goosebumps erupting over your body.

 You shivered slightly, desire spiking in the pit of your stomach as his long fingers began moving further up, until they rested just below your breasts. Your breath hitched, your heart thumping loudly in your ears now. 

 His fingers carefully dragged against the soft underside of your breasts. You felt Tsukishima shift, his upper body sitting up slightly, his lips brushing gently against the shell of your outer ear, hot breath rustled your hair. 

 “Who’s winning?” he murmured, lips grazing against your ear before carefully brushing down towards your neck.

A soft whimper tore through your lips. “It’s uhmm… uh - o-oh Kei.” your eyes fluttered shut as his tongue darted across your skin, tasting you before biting down softly. You could feel your cunt clenching at his actions, your bundle of nerves suddenly throbbing to be touched.

 “What was that?” he teased softly, the hand that was gently caressing the underside of your breasts suddenly moved up, carefully cupping your entire breast, long fingers gently tugging at your hardened nipple.

 You moaned loudly before immediately dropping his phone, both hands clasping your mouth shut tightly.

 “Oh, that’s right, if your dorm manager caught me here, she would be furious right? I don’t want you getting in trouble, so you best be quiet hmm?” he murmured softly against your skin before pinching your nipple hard between two fingers.

 Your breath hitched, your eyes squeezing shut as pleasure rippled through your body.

 “But you make the cutest noises when you're turned on.” he said, his voice incredibly quiet and calm, despite the growing hardness that was pressing into your back now. “You’re in quite the dilemma, aren’t you?”

 His other hand suddenly trailed down, his fingers curling against your through your shorts. 

 “Fuck… you’re soaked.” he groaned quietly, feeling your arousal leaking through your panties and staining your shorts.

 He suddenly leaned back once again, your head once again resting against his strong chest. But despite his composure, his heart was racing just as much as yours. 

 He suddenly bucked his hips up, his cock rubbing against your back. A soft sigh escaped his lips, the hand that was groping your breast pulled out of your shirt and tangled into your hair, gently tugging and forcing you to arch your neck, staring up at the blonde male now.

 His gold eyes held nothing but lust now as he stared down at you with half-lidded eyes. 

 You had never seen a more gorgeous man in your entire life. 

 “What do you want?” he asked, his voice deep with arousal. But before you could say anything, the hand that was grasping you through your clothes suddenly tugged your shorts and panties to the side, long fingers brushing softly against your weeping slit.

 Tsukishima exhaled loudly, his cock jumping against your back as he felt just how wet you were. 

 “Fuck…” he whispered quietly, and carefully slid his finger to the top of your cunt, his finger gently pressing down against your clit.

 A jolt of pleasure erupted through your body, your mouth falling open in a silent plea as your eyes fluttered shut.

 He began rubbing delicate circles against you, a soft pleasure beginning to build up in your lower stomach, your hips rocking up carefully with his movements.

 “K-Kei…” you trembled, your hand reaching down and grasping at his forearm helplessly. 

 “Are you close?” he asked, his finger pressing down just a little bit harder, but that was all that you needed to get your legs shaking.

 The way he touched you… the way that he took care of you… it was no wonder you were completely head over heels for him.

 He was just too good.

 You nodded helplessly against his chest, and then suddenly he pulled his hand away from your dripping cunt, a soft cry of distress tearing through your lips. Why did he… but you were so close…

 “Can you move away for a second?” he asked quietly, gently pushing you forward. You shakily scooted away from him and heard the rustling of sheets and clothes. You twisted your head to look back and - your mouth went dry.

 Tsukishima was still resting against the wall, his lower body easily sprawled out against your bed as you still sat between his long legs, but this time… this time… he laid with one hand behind his head, the other was easily grasping his member, lazily sliding up and down his shaft. His grey sweatpants were bunched up around the tops of his thighs, his black shirt pulled up slightly, exposing his lower stomach and the perfect lines of his Adonis belt.

 “Come here.” he demanded, you turned to crawl over to him, fully intending on taking him into your mouth- his hand flew up, halting your movements. “No. I want to be inside you.”

 Your lips parted slightly as you nodded in a daze, your cunt squeezing around nothing at his words. But before you could sink down on top of his cock, he stopped you once more. 

 “Turn around.” he commanded. Your lips trembled softly, your hands gripping his upper thighs as you situated yourself on top of him, you could feel his fingers tugging your shorts and underwear to the side again, and then something blunt and thick began rubbing up and down your soaked entrance. 

 “Don’t tease me Kei, please.” you whimpered out, but before you could plead further, he grabbed your hips, forcing you to sink all the way down onto his member in one movement.

 You gritted your teeth tightly, biting back the loud shout that wanted to escape your throat at the sudden intrusion, at the force of him already hitting the most devastating depths within you.

 Fuck you had never been quite this full, never had someone quite this deep until you met Tsukishima.

 “Shit.” he cursed, growling slightly, his grip on your hips tightening as his eyes fluttered shut as your tight heat engulfed him completely.

 He could never get used to this. 

 After a moment of adjusting to the new intrusion you began rocking your hips, carefully sliding back and forth, your lips forming into a silent o as pleasure jolted through your body at each drag of his cock against your walls.

 A soft whimper tore through your lips as he began grabbing handfuls of your ass, his fingers gripping tightly at the soft flesh, kneading and pulling your cheeks apart. Before his hand settled on pulling your shorts and underwear further away, his eyes taking in the obscene way your cunt swallowed his cock.

 The quiet room was filled with the sound of rustling sheets, the wet noises of your arousal leaking through your stuffed cunt as Tsukishima slid in and out of you, the soft and breathless moans that escaped your lips, and the soft grunts of Tsukishima as he fought back his release. He couldn’t cum yet, not until you did.

 But he could tell that you were close by the desperate way you rocked your hips, faster, sloppier, chasing for a release.

 “Cum for me.” he demanded, his large hand cracking down against your ass. Your hand came up, stifling the loud gasp that wanted to escape your lips, your cunt clenching tightly around him. You could feel it then, the pleasure mixed with the sharp pain, the tightness in your lower stomach finally releasing. 

 “Fuck that’s it.” He murmured, watching as you trembled above him, his hands coming down to grip at your waist, forcing you to move faster against him as he began chasing his own release.

 Tsukishima gritted his teeth tightly before carefully shoving you off of his member, a soft cry escaping your lips as you collapsed on top of his legs. He gripped his member tightly, shooting thick ropes of his warmth all over your raised bottom, staining your shorts completely.

 “Shit hold on.” he panted slightly, carefully moving himself from under you. He tucked his softening member back into his sweatpants before moving towards your closet, grabbing a towel and making his way back to you. His gentle hands easily cleaning you up before tugging your shorts and panties off, replacing them with fresh ones.

 You looked up at him sleepily as he began situating you both on your small body, half of your body resting on top of his as he drew the blankets over your guys’ form. 

 “You suck Kei. If I fail this exam because I’m too tired to focus, you have to buy me ramen.” you mumbled against his chest, your eyes drooping as sleep began to tug at your mind.

 “If you fail this exam just because you’re tired then that just proves you didn’t actually study for it. You should’ve been able to retain that information regardless.” he said, fingers gently running through your hair.

 “You suck.” you sighed again, softly nuzzling your face into his chest.

 A smile tugged at his lips, but he didn’t say anything else. 

 Not that you would have listened anyway, considering that you were knocked out now. 

 Tsukishima’s body was definitely more comfortable than your twin bed. 

[wander-wren]

hello warrior cats community

i am clawing myself up out of my grave to announce that Dusk to Dawn has finally been completed. yeah i just dumped five chapters in there. woo.

now, i did have to condense the last, idk, 13 or so chapters into two parts, just speedrunning the highlights, because i am so tired and busy right now, but the plot is there. it exists. and that's about as much as i can ask for.

so you may assume that that's the end of the story. i mean, D2D was a bit of a mess. it took two and a half years and i spent most of that time on hiatus and tearing my hair out. but what's that quote? the only thing worse than writing is not writing. and at least half of my motivation to finish D2D was to get to the parts that come after.

which means that, yes, i'm still going to continue my rewrite. i just have to reevaluate and adjust.

the initial plan was for all parts to have roughly the same level of scale as D2D (which was planned to have ~200k words), or be even longer. this is because i have adhd and dangerous levels of optimism. i know there are people out there who can sustain themselves for multiple hundreds of thousands of words writing fictional cat rewrites, but i am not one of them. i can't do that, realistically.

so, i'm scaling back. PO3/Three of Swords and OOTS/Sign of the Four are both going to be around 50-70k. aiming toward the lower end there, but i know i have a tendency to, uh, go slightly overboard. see above. this way, i have a better chance of finishing both fics in a timely manner, and for 3OS especially, i won't have to drag the beaten corpses of plotlines that have been established for half of D2D on forever and ever.

what this also means is that i'm going to do a LOT of cutting and reshuffling. if it wasn't already clear, 3OS is not going to really attempt to stick to canon at all, not like D2D. we're going off the rails bonkers. Rule of Cool, etc etc. SOT4 will likely be the same.

and what comes after that? well, i'm so glad you asked. i've mentioned before that my plan for the end of OOTS is to have the clans only technically win the great battle. a pyrrhic victory, if you will (guess who just learned that phrase, hehe).

after that happens, there will be an interlude fic, probably about 50-70k as well, but potentially longer because i really love the concept. currently the working title for that is Pyrrhic/Pyrrhus. i might change it. it's already had several title changes. but it exists!

after THAT, if i'm still hanging around, i'd love to do an AVOS rewrite. that's about as far as my ambition extends, though. the problem is that post-OOTS, the clans' population is devastated (seriously, they need to lose way more cats) and their culture completely changes because, well, duh. that makes it very hard for the story to bear any kind of resemblance to a canon built around the old four clans. like, most of the cast of AVOS/TBC simply would not be born bc their parents died.

but yeah. we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

as far as a timeline goes, optimistically i'd like to start posting Three of Swords by the end of 2023. yeah, that's a long way away. i'm busy, y'all, and the Most Ideal thing would be to have it almost completely done so we don't end up trapped in another 2.5 year disaster.

if you would like to encourage the fic to move faster, you can feed my brainworms by asking me stuff or throwing ideas my way! on this blog, preferably. i know i made a sideblog for the 'verse, but i don't feel like dealing with it right now. i'll leave it up in case i change my mind, though.

if you made it all the way through this, hi! thanks! it's been fun. i gotta go write.

[idontmindifuforgetme]

hiiii ci ok i love your blog and you give such good big sister advice i just wanted to say your vibes are sooo sweet

i moved in with my roommate like a year and a half ago and we've become best friends over the course of that year but the problem is i've been falling slowly in love with him in that same time and he has had a gf the whole time... we're like crazy close like cuddle in his bed nearly every night close and tell each other about our fucked up relationships to our parents. but its so hard not to take everything he says about my appearance (like joking that i have small tits) to heart (hah) even though i know bc he said so that he's just treating me like he would any of his guy friends. ive never not just had a relationship before but even had anyone ever admit they're into me at all so it's really fucking with me, especially since a ton of girls have hit on him before. in general, it's difficult to get my own insecurities out of the way in order to enjoy just being friends.

i am ur big sister and i will HELP U through this. boundaries. boundaries boundaries boundaries. if this behavior is fucking w you, you need to establish boundaries. ofc don’t make the assumption that he will magically know that you’re hurting—he very likely has not caught on if you didn’t verbalize it. i think you need to communicate this to him.

but also: i doubt what you currently have going on is sustainable, however much communication happens. this reminds me of my ex’s dynamic w his bsf, who also happened to be a girl. she slept in his bed, stole his clothes, spent a lot of the time at his apartment. i wasn’t really forceful about not liking that; honestly i didn’t care for the most part, bc he’d always reassure me it’s platonic. and while i believe it is platonic on his end, it led her to catch major feelings for him. feelings that far surpass my relationship w him. and i literally think she’s still miserably standing on the sidelines, watching him cycle through girls to this day. you do not want to be that. in an ideal world cuddling in a bed can be entirely platonic, but considering you’re catching feelings… it’s just safe to assume it so rarely is.

i think you need to pick yourself up before you fall. bc you’ll just get your heart broken even further. the key is not only to look at him and expect him to change, but to change yourself as well. you need some distance. you need to redefine your friendship in a way that doesn’t tangle you up in emotions & ultimately serve as a detriment to your connection to him. this you can accomplish by establishing boundaries, checking yourself, & communicating expectations to him.

starve the roots. if this means no longer cuddling w him, then so be it. if it means keeping the pillow talk to a minimum, then keep it to a minimum. i’d rather deal w not being extremely close to each other vs falling for him & making things infinitely more complicated for everyone involved.

[heyitsyn]

Keeping Up With Seijoh Ep. ∞

a/n: this made me tear up a bit ngl bc haikyuu always hitting us with ‘theres no next year for us’ typa bull like BLS TAKE PITY ON MY SOUL AND STOP TIME AND KEEP MY BOYS TOGETHER :(((((((

it has an infinity symbol bc this is in the future so there isnt really an episode number 

for more seijoh content, check this masterlist out!

anon:

the third years coming back to seijoh the following year for a surprise visit, and watching over practice cuz they were in town for break. being impressed on how kyo has calmed down (a bit), kunimi actually giving a sh-, yknow the deal. just the growth of their kouhai makes them 🥺🥺 but THEN- Y O U walk in with the team’s bottles n the small gasp that comes out of your mouth when you see them. they GAWK cuz you’re maturing SO well (stfu oikawa- my eyes up are here) and just 🥺🤲

SO LIKE UNLESS YOURE NEW TO MY BLOG YOU KNOW THIS FINNA BE A SAD ONE BC SEIJOH THIRD YEARS ARE MY FAVORITE BOIS AND THEM GRADUATING MAKES ME :(

oh god here comes the tears

so

it was something you knew was coming since yanno, third years and all that

but you were so sure you had more time left before it happened

didnt you just join the team and met them like yesterday?

nope love you met nearly a year ago

and they made quite an impact on you in the short term you were together

so during the day of graduation

it wasnt really a school day since it was mostly for third years and the whole ceremony but kouhais could come so they could send off their senpais

you already called each third year the night before, nearly 2 hours per boy, to talk to them and cry with them so you didnt have to cry during the day

but ofc

you were sobbing already when you saw your captain walk up and get his tube with the diploma inside

they tried to remain strong as they sat in their seats but a single glance at you and the team at the stands above, the tears were already either forming or full out slipping

i know yall finna beat me up for this but im not really familiar with the other third years in the team bc theyre not really shown in the anime or manga that much so i dont have a good grip on their character so can we pls pretend theyre not in here?? omg pls dont kill me though

the ceremony felt like a long time for the seniors but when it was finally over, they ran out of that building and yall did too and you bolted yourself into the arms of your captain

oikawa held you tightly against him and he didnt care about being seen by his fangirls, who were waiting outside for him, or the others who wanted to have you to them too

‘i love you, y/n-chan’

he mumbled and you nodded

‘mhm. i love you too, oikawa-san. i love all my boys’

YALL MY HEART IS BREAKING BC OIKAWA ACTUALLY MEANT IT THIS TIME AND YOURE STILL OVER HERE THINKING THAT HES JUST SAYING IT AS A FRIEND LIKE IM-

iwa ripped you away from him and your face was buried into his chest

but it didnt last long since the others got a little impatient and just joined the hug turning it into a group hug

‘i dont want you to leave!’

kindaichi sobbed and kunimi sniffled, holding on tighter to the backs of his senpais

even kyo was sad but hes a tuff boy so he easily hid that behind his usual frown and glare

after seeing their parents and reassuring them they would be home soon, you started your trek towards your usual hang out spot

the second and first years were walking ahead of you while the third years fell back in step with you in between them

mattsuhana flanked your left while iwaoi were at your right

the tears were now gone but sniffles still filled the area and everyone was still down in their spirits

you held tightly to the warm big hands of iwaizumi and the soft touch of mattsun’s hand as if you were clutching your life-line

but you knew no matter how tightly you held on to them, they would still go and eventually leave you behind

the ramen shop was filled with another round of tears as everyone realized that this would be the last time seijoh og would have ramen here

‘WE DONT WANT YOU TO GOOO~~~~!!!!!!’

kindaichi sobbed while kunimi aggressively shoved noodles in his mouth to hide his hiccups

you refused to eat because you were so sad that you were scared you might end up throwing it all up later so you settled on relishing your time with the boys

oikawa was busy talking to yahaba and telling him tips and tricks for next year while iwaizumi was consolling the others who were crying

that left you to harshly wipe off the tears and focus on the jokes that matsuhana were telling to help and lighten up the mood

‘think of it like this! you won’t have oikawa and iwaizumi fighting anymore!’

well,,,,,

that kinda made things worse

geez makki stfu!!!!

you bursted into full tears and you sobbed, loudly and freely

‘WAAAAAHHHH!!!!!’

you wheezed and then continued to cry

everyone flinched and got startled at the sight of you crying

theyve seen you cry before but not this intensely and sadly 

‘DONT GO!!! OU-OUR FAMILY’S GONE!! ITS B-BROKEN NOW!!!!’

you wailed

everyone is so used to seijoh antics that they didnt even bat an eyelash when everyone started crying

‘damn it, i was trying not to cry!’

iwa growled and buried his face into his hands to hide the pain in his eyes

‘come here, y/n-chan’

mattsun cooed while sobbing and you went straight into his arms and his arms tightly wounded around you

he pressed kisses on your neck to calm you and he whispered promises to keep you from thinking that you would be alone

the boys were all still crying even when you paid for them and at the exit, everyone wouldnt let go of each other

ngl it was a weird sight of seeing these boys just hanging on and hugging the others and you were tightly pressed against makki’s chest 

‘dont cry, y/n-chan. we’ll be here, always. just a 4-hour ride to tokyo’

he promised but you shook your head

‘--too far’

you mumbled and he was able to make out a few words and he laughed

‘i swear you’ll see us in a few hours’

it took a few words of assurance from makki and eventually mattsun and iwa joined

oikawa stayed back because he already wanted to walk you home and iwa knew you were the one that was the hardest for oikawa to tell his plans to

waving them good bye, you fussed and made sure everyone was not crying anymore

‘you text me the moment you get home, all right? and kyo-san, let the food in your stomach settle before-’

‘before i take a bath-yea i know’

he rolled his eyes but he smiled lightly before hugging you

‘go home now, y/n’

he pushed you towards his captain but you pulled away one last time to give each boy a kiss on the cheek

their lips trembled, especially the third years, and wanted to keep their tears in but they rocket launched to space

yanno that one part in season 1 when kiyoko told them to work hard and then they just snot-rocketed and cried

oikawa interlaced your fingers as you both walked towards your house and it was quiet

you were sus bc it was too quiet and oikawa would usually be either skipping, humming a tune, or just yapping his ass off

but right now

he was quiet, slouchy, and,,,, not oikawa

you looked up to see his face and you knew it wasnt just the graduating part

it was like,,,, he was nervous

you squeezed his hand and that got his attention

‘oikawa-san, whats wrong?’

he suddenly stopped and your linked hands caused you to also stop so you watched him stare down at his shoes and you blinked at him in confusion

‘oika-’

‘y/n, tell me to stay’

he,,, sounded like he was begging

pleading

desperate to hear you say it

‘why should i?’

you asked and he finally lifted his eyes to stare into your eyes

he gulped before further explaining himself 

‘coach got me a volleyball scholarship’

he whispered and your eyes widened before you launched into him for a hug and pulled back to cup his face

‘oh my god! tooru! a scholarship?! im so proud-’

‘in argentina’

he finished and your eyes dimmed, the lifted corners of your lips falling into a frown

‘o-oh’

you stuttered and pulled your hands away but he grabbed them, placing them back to his face 

‘but if you dont want me to go, i wont-’

‘NO! what?! tooru, its your dream! you and iwa-san wouldnt stop talking about that match with argentina and-and you want to go there! dont you dare let that slip away!’

you scolded frantically however oikawa’s face scrunched before he started crying

‘i-i can’t! y/n, i’ll be alone! its so far away! far from iwa, far from you-’

then you reached to your tippy toes and kissed his nose then leaned back with a big smile

‘no matter how far, ill always be right here. im always going to be here, waiting for you’

you mumbled and oikawa hiccuped then leaned his forehead against yours, eyes clashing that was so full of love and fear

‘then dont you worry, y/n-chan. oikawa-senpai will work really hard and he will come back and make you happy’

he whispered and you pulled him even closer to give him the biggest hug

‘im looking forward to it’

TIMESKIPTIMESKIPTIMESKIPTIMESKIP

ONEYEARONEYEARONEYEARONEYEAR

truth to be told with guilty conscience, the third years havent really been in touch

yes theyve called and messaged but there wasnt a normal kind of communication, especially with oikawa

but they decided to go over there during a simultaneous week break for universities in tokyo and iwa, makki, and mattsun pressured oikawa to fly back to japan just for a week to visit

‘iwa-chan im so broke righ-’

‘fine, we’ll see y/n ourselve-’

‘OKAY FINE! HERE! IM BUYING THE TICKET NOW SEE?!’

bahahaha im sorry i love oiks so much its not even funny

they agreed to not tell anyone, even coach, to surprise you all and to see your faces of surprise bc mattsuhana are little shites and they love to mess around

it was a normal day during practice

yahaba was teaching some first years how to serve while watari was giving exercising tips on how to bend their knees without shrieking in athritis

kyotani was doing jump serves while kindaichi and kunimi tried to block him

it was a normal day

the former third years knew the ins and outs of the place and oikawa still had his keys of the gym since he never gave it back so they were easily able to sneak in

they sat on the bleachers and observed everyones growth which really blew them away and took them aback by how much they improved in little time

like kunimis actually huffing and throwing a mini tantrum bc hes so into it and hes mad he didnt get that block right

they also noticed the larger amount of new recruits and based on their practice, it looks like they would be in good hands for the next few years

however, the true shock settled in when this happened

kyotani cursed loudly when the ball hit out but yahaba scolded him for saying a bad word in front of the first years

‘kyotani, dont say that anymore! its not good to teach the babies bad words!’

he ranted and the college boys shared a look of caution and fear, bracing themselves for kyotani’s normal screaming and tantrum for being called out

but they were the most surprised when the bleach-haired boy simply glared at him and turned away to go pick up another ball to hit

‘did,,,, did kyoken-chan-’

‘was he just calm right now?’

‘oh my god iwa-chan kyoken-chan got abducted by aliens!’

I SWEAR TO GOD ITS LIKE THE CURRENT THIRD AND SECOND YEARS GOT AN OIKAWA ‘IWA-CHAN’ SENSOR BECAUSE THE MOMENT HE SAID THAT, THEIR EARS TWITCHED AND THEY JUST KNEW

THEIR SENPAIS WERE HERE

their eyes were wide and their attention snapped towards the bleachers where indeed, their 4 fathers sat

‘OIKAWA-SAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

kindaichi screamed and he NYOOMED towards the stairs but kunimi grabbed him by the collar

‘come down here, senpais!’

yahaba urged and coach and naoi shared a look of initial shock but then transformed into happiness

it was nice to see the family together again

they quickly turned into a dog pile with the hugs that were given around like kyotani actually giving iwaizumi a hug and makki and mattsun affectionately ruffling everyone’s hair

the other first years were just staring in awe at the legendary third years of seijoh that theyve heard so much about

‘everyone, these are your seniors!’

yahaba presented and the 3 third years became very flustered but ofc attention whore oikawa soaked it up

‘yes, hello, my little disciples! you are my legacy so work har- IWA-CHAN!’

he was cut into his famous line when his best friend bonked him for being too self-absorbed again

‘waaa, l/n-senpai was right’

some first year mumbled at the scene and their ears perked up at the name

‘l/n?’

‘where is she?! y/n-chan!’

oikawa shouted and looked around

BECAUSE OF FATE

YOU AUTOMATICALLY MANIFESTED THERE

‘YES YOU CALLED’

okay no but you actually walked in just in time, carrying the crate of water bottles, focused on not dropping them so you didnt really see the others

they were silent not because they wanted to mess with you and see how long youd figure out that they were there

no

they were silent because of how BEAUTIFUL you became

you gained a few inches and your hair is now longer with your baby fat slowly melting away and you were also finally showing your growth with your body

the eyes that used to gleam with childish innocence was now mature and poised like a perfect lady

even the way you walked with a crate made it seem like a ballet performance with the grace at every step and the flowery aura you exuded

you have turned from a ridiculously cute and pretty girl to a beautiful goddess

AND YOU WERE ONLY IN YOUR SECOND YEAR HOW THE HELL ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO HANDLE IT WHEN YOURE FINALLY A THIRD YEAR?!

CAN YOU IMAGINE THE AMOUNT OF BOYS THEY HAVE TO WARD OFF?!

‘my god’

iwaizumi mumbled, flushing red and turning away to hide his fluster

‘beautiful’

oikawa whispered and he gulped, not remembering how strikingly attractive you are

‘have mercy’

makki whined softly, clutching his heart as it started beating fast and made his stomach feel all funny

did they act like this back in the day?

mattsun doesnt have control so he ran forward and you were just putting the crate down when you were lifted off of the floor and twirled around

so like yahaba waved off the others to go back to practice so its like not awkward to be standing around and see this happening

there was only one person who did this to you

‘mattsun-san?!’

you shrieked and you giggled happily as he put you down so you were able to hug him properly and eventually, catching sight on the others behind him

your gasp made them smile widely and you pressed a hand to your mouth to hide the shock and your overjoyed laugh

if they could take a picture of this and remember the amount of love your eyes held and the pure unfiltered happiness that swirled in those orbs

it was like they felt themselves falling in love with you all over again

‘oh my god everyone’s here too!’

you ran to them and jumped at the awaiting arms of iwaizumi and he was still the bara arm babie you remembered

‘i missed you, doll’

he whispered

‘hmmm,,,i missed you more’

he let you go and you skipped over to makki who engulfed you in his arms and you felt his soft brown hair because you remembered he loved it when you ran your fingers through his hair

‘youve grown! so much! you got even more beautiful!’

he exclaimed and you giggled, bashful at his compliment

‘hmm~, no i didnt’

he gave you a deadpan look and you chuckled before scurrying away towards the one you wanted to hug the most

he definitely got more toned and he got taller too

you didnt have any time to react since he grabbed you and squished you against him

‘youre here, oikawa-san’

he nuzzled his head against your neck

‘mhm, im here now, y/n-chan’

he placed a kiss on your nose and you scrunched your face but there was a big smile that was clear

then oikawa’s eyes trailed from your face to your,,, ahem,,, girls

‘jesus, y/n-chan really grew, huh’

he complimented and you blinked confusingly before trailing after his eye’s gaze and it landed on your chest and you punched him

‘urusai, oikawa-san! my eyes are up here! youre so perverted. pervert oikawa-san’

you pouted and moved to seek comfort in the arms of makki

‘hmm, oikawa’s perverted as usual. i think it got worse with all those argentinian women’

makki teased and mattsun joined to poke fun at their captain

oikawa whined and told iwa they were making fun of him to which his own best friend betrayed him and starting teasing him too

you simply watched on and your eyes watered, your sniffles catching their attention

‘eh? why are you crying, y/n-chan?’

oikawa asked while approaching you to wipe your tears with his thumbs

but you shook your head with a teary smile

‘n-nothing-just,,,, i missed you guys. an-and im so happy because its like our f-family’s back together and i just-i-’

you cried but it was out of happiness and their hearts warmed

ofc they felt guilty because they were aware that they werent as in touch as they shouldve been so you probably felt lonely and casted aside without any contact from your boys

but they know now to make sure you feel loved and cared for because as you keep saying, they were your boys

they were a family

seijoh is a family 

and you love them 

but they love you more

a/n: okay im sorry this is probably trash and all over the place and im crying and stressing but ive been writing in between my college alg homework and its been so hard like WHY IS NUMBERS SO HARD LIKE WHAT-?! but this has kinda been the baby of my break time and relaxing few minutes bc i procrastinate too much and i want to do something i like before i actually go insane and i promise PROMISE that once everything is cleared up i will edit this and im already working on the other requests so expect a few to be out by the end of the week or something like that!!

[diana-prince-s]

sorry i keep going off and on anon i’m indecisive 🤪

i have lots of scorpio friends and babes… scorpio signs are very fiery despite being water signs. from what i deduce from her blog and scorpio placements in general she’s quite private with personal info. i feel like she also just knows what’s going on ykwim. like she has some sort of predictive sense and a good gut feeling that she trusts on every level. she’s mostly secure in her grounds and has her guard up but when she gets defensive she can play mind games and take out real stingers on you lol. dark humour.

when it comes to love, think of gottmik flirting. very intense, chasing, devoted. good to hear that you’re an aries bc scorpios and aries are known to be compatible and fast-working to get what they both want. the scorpio might feel under-appreciated at times, or like her fiery energy isn’t always matched which can lead to some disappointment at times but overall communication helps.

there’s this whole maternal thing i need to get into later tho, if that even exists. i’m always harping on the maternal side as i think it’s often significant :-)

I... disagree with the beginning. She actually is really dorky and doesn't trust her gut which was a really big deal with her trying to build her personal style. When we started talking, she was trying really hard to be butch and it didn't suit her at all, and since then she's been trying to build her own femme style and it's been a struggle. Same thing with decorating her first apartment about two years ago. But she's getting better.

She gets so fucking defensive so quickly. And I do too, but in a different way, so it's a little difficult.

She used to be soooo flirty and she loves to flirt. She'll text me occasionally and is like do you ever miss the excitement of that moment just before a new hook up? and I'm like no (I'm a serial monogamist). She likes the flirt and the chase.

She feels under appreciated all the time. And her love language is acts of service and I'm so fucking lazy so I don't do acts of service enough which leads to her feeling under appreciated.

I've always had a thing for scorpios though, because you know what they say about scorpios and sex...

she read the maternal part and went "yes. I am mommy"

and I've always had a thing for older women... you all read the Spartan AU so you know...

[nepenthendline]

hiiiii, your blog really feels like a safe space for me and I’m pretty sure other people because of how represented you make the readers feel, so thank you so much for your writing!! I was thinking if you’re comfortable could you please write some headcannons of tendou, suga, and kuroo w/ a s/o with selective mutism? thank you so much!!!!

Firstly I’m so glad you feel safe in this space!! And secondly I relate to this so much, I was selectively mute as a child and was offered a lot of speech therapy and even now I still struggle with it so I totally understand. I hope you like this and I did it well for you! I’m also going with a generalisation that you feel comfortable speaking in front of these boys when the two of you are in a safe space so I hope thats ok! 🥰🥰🥰 Also tendou’s is the longest bc its just so easy to write for him lol

S/O with selective mutism - Tendou, Sugawara and Kuroo

Tendou:

Tendou is your guy when it comes to dealing with selective mutism

he’s already so used to building a strong relationship with Ushijima, someone who doesn’t speak that often, that it doesn’t feel much different with you

he’s bold, he’s loud, he’s distracting - it’s the perfect combination to take the pressure of you

when he first met you at school and noticed that he had never once heard you speak, he thought you were just a shy, quiet one so he never really considered selective mutism

but as you two started getting closer and creating your relationship, he saw a whole new side of you that loved to chat, joke and sing with him

when you told him about your mutism, his reply was simply, “Ok cool!” and went on with his day - it doesn’t matter to him in the slightest

he does though, of course, ask you a lot of questions when the two of you are alone, cuddled up in his bed where you felt the safest to speak, about how it affects you, what situations/people/places trigger it and what he can do to help you

he WILL learn sign language with/for you if you want to or do use it, you never have to feel like you are burdening him with learning this - “it’s just like volleyball signals, right baby?” he says with the biggest grin on his face

if not full sign language, the two of you do develop non-verbal signs or cues so that, in times where you cannot speak, you can still communicate with him

uses a lot of stimulus fading - he knows it can be so hard for you to meet people and make friends, so slowly one-by-one, he introduces his teammates to you, first taking control of the conversation, then slowly pulling back as you get better and more comfortable at joining in

he starts of with Ushijima, as he feels he’s the least overwhelming, and makes sure the two of you meet in one of your safe spaces (probably his bedroom)

he does his best to distract the teacher from you whenever they want someone to answer a question in class or read out a passage

struggle with eye contact? no problem for him! he knows you’re listening and taking note of what he’s saying

if you’re someone who gets clingier in situations where you cannot speak then he relishes in the feeling of having you clutching onto his arm or hand - he knows you do it because you’re anxious but he just loves feeling your touch

if people make fun of you about it, or ask him about you, he makes a joke as though he has no idea what they’re talking about, “huh? my Y/N? too quiet? maybe you’re just hard of hearing?”

he will happily take over in social situations if you cannot do it yourself, whether that’s ordering for the two of you, or answering questions for you

he never wants you to feel like he’s just taking over though, he will always ask if you are up to speaking in different places or situations - he wants to hear you voice and give you situations where you can use it

he’s so so proud of you if you, eventually, speak in a situation you might not have done so before, he doesn’t expect sentences from you, but even if its just a quiet ‘yes’ or ‘no’ if he asks you a question

he can manage mood swings and any temper very well - he learns quickly what he needs to do and say in these moments and brings you to a safe space to let you relax for a while, he’s absolutely fine with having you stay quiet for a while after being in an anxious state

he’s amazing at reading you, so even if you cannot use non-verbal communication well during periods of mutism, he still learns how to tell what you are feeling or thinking

Sugawara:

as soon as you tell Sugawara about your selective mutism, he is instantly looking it up and finding out all about it

while Tendou takes a more lax approach to helping you, Sugawara is a lot more serious and structured

he will sit down with you in a safe space and ask you to let him know what he can do to help you, when the mutism is present and why, and of anything he should know

he has lists of your safe spaces and people so that he can refer to them if needed

he works on making a particular date-spot a safe space for you, maybe a certain cafe you two enjoy where he will slowly break down your fear in the place and encourage small bits of communication with you

he does his best to slowly integrate verbal communication into your relationship, such as sending you voice memos rather than texts or videos of him talking so you can get used to his communication style

he’ll keep an eye on you often in public places, especially in class, to know if you need anything, need to go to the bathroom, how you are feeling, in case you cannot bring it up yourself - the last thing he wants is for you to get ill because you were not able to express an issue

Sugawara is able to come up with a few signals with you for basic communication in case you need to ask or say something when you cannot speak - he wants to make sure that, even if it’s not verbal, that you have a voice somehow

he does his best to learn how different places or people affect you and always keeps in mind each different situation’s severity for you - he will make sure the two of you avoid areas where you cannot cope well at all to the point of struggling to move or use non-verbal communication

it takes him a little while to learn your ways of non-verbal communication - at first it’s a lot of guessing until he gets it right, but he gets there eventually with you help

he never gets frustrated with you, he is there to help and guide you and has no problem taking the lead

he’s the most likely to ask if you’ve considered therapy to help with your mutism

it’s not that it bothers him in the slightest, but he knows it is usually caused or brought on by extreme anxiety or other disorders, and he wants to make sure you are happy over anything else

he praises you when you communicate, but he never treats you any differently or acts surprised - he tells you that you’ve done well and that he’s proud but he does his best not to make a big deal out of it

Kuroo:

Like Tendou, he’s quite familiar with people who don’t talk much

while Kenma does speak more freely than you, Kuroo is aware and deals well with his anxieties, and can use this knowledge with you too

he knows well that you don’t talk sometimes because you can’t, or because you are too afraid, rather than because you just don’t want to, so he will never pressure you into talking

Kuroo is the best at stimulus fading - he will slowly acclimatise you to different people or situations by taking full control, then giving you little prompts to join in until he can step back and let you communicate without the need for them

he’s quite good at reading your non-verbal communication, even if its quite different from others and learns quickly what certain movements or signals mean

he likes to get you more prepared for talking by using familiarity techniques, such as reading a book aloud to you and, every now and then, asking you to read a line or a couple words back to him, or asking you to tell him about your interests since he knows they’re safer topics for you

quiet time between the two of you is no problem for him - he enjoys being in silence with you so, even if you are fully comfortable talking with him when its just the two of you, he knows you might need some time where you don’t talk if you’ve had a particularly anxious day

he likes to play games with you to try and strengthen your non-verbal communication without the need for you to talk - things like charrades or guessing games where you can act things out if you feel comfortable enough to do so

he’s a smart guy, so if you’re struggling with your school work but cannot ask the teacher for help, he is prepped with notes and study sessions together

also, if you have a school project that requires you to present in some way, he is very good at coming up with alternative ways of you being about to show your work with limited talking

he thinks therapy would be a good idea for you to look into, but he won’t bring it up often - it’s your choice how you want to battle this and he will be with you every step of the way no matter what

he understands it can be very frustrating for you so he takes a lot of time out with you to help you destress and manage your emotions, this includes writing out how you are feeling to try and make sense of them and making sure you are taking care of yourself

he tries his best to make light of the situation as he doesn’t want you to feel weird or out of place

this includes a lot of teasing Kenma about how he’s ‘even quieter than you’ when you’re doing particularly well at your communication

facing fears is a really big thing for him to do with you - he understands that you often may think ‘if I don’t do this thing/go to this place, I won’t have to speak’, so he always reminds you he will be by your side in case you need to rely on him