#also not a detail that makes him hot but bless whoever decided for him to not wear those fucking awful nightmare gauntlets

[bace-jeleren]

Reminder that WotC keeps making them hotter every time they show up, for me, specifically

When they gave Kaito a funky little cape and a crop-top, and decided The Wanderer should have her hair up and have an exposed midriff, they were thinking of me.

[zestyquetzalcoatl]

Luck is petty.

Like everything else about his luck, Gladstone hates this and loves it in equal turns, often both at once.

It’s pettiness means he always knows that people’s minds are their own (or at least not influenced by him). Once someone has decided he is insufferable and deserving of only a kick in the pants, it cannot make them give him things or put up with him anyway (ignoring the odd encounters he’s had with a chicken in a bright pink cape.*1 He’s pretty certain something entirely different then luck was at play there, though he has no idea what), which is why he mostly gets given free stuff by strangers instead of people who have met him before. It can influence the physical world, and that alone.

He loves this about it because it means he can exert some level of control over it, want and hate and whittle down its options until it’s forced to give him what he actually wants. He loves it because he is terrified of what it could do if it wasn’t petty. How far it could go, how much it could effect, how badly it would twist the world around it, while he would have no control or hope of containing it.

He hates it because petty luck is petty. It cares about riches, wining bets, getting free things, and curtailing talent and hard work. It can’t (and doesn’t) win him friends or happiness or love. It protects his physical health but doesn’t give a damn about his mental, content to let him be abused and taken advantage of (especially if that gives it another chance to win a prize), so long as he isn’t hungry, isn’t homeless, and isn’t injured. (Liu Hai’s was not the first gilded cage he’d been trapped in, just one that was unusually hard to escape.)

Luck is petty but Gladstone is not.

Sometimes (when the chips are down and the stakes are high) this means that his luck has to play by Gladstone’s rules.

———————————————O0—0—0O————————————————

Gladstone had run into Fethry by complete chance earlier in the day, and he’d spent the last several hours cheerfully walking and chatting with his red-hatted cousin as they meandered their way across town. Gladstone’s luck had been in full effect as they walked, guiding their route via construction sites that had blocked roads, flying $20 bills and interesting butterflies that tempted them down back alleys and side streets, and a very memorable dumpster that gave Gladstone a bad jump scare by falling over and releasing about twenty cats into the general area. The path they’d taken had been dictated largely by whatever looked like the least hassle, and had eventually ended up with them down by the docks, getting lost amongst the warehouses and shipping containers of the many trading companies that had operations in Duckburg Harbor.

Gladstone didn’t mind being utterly lost, he never had. His luck meant they’d get where they ought to go without being late, so he was content to simply wander at random while he enjoyed his cousin’s enthusiastic rambling.

Popping out of a particularly out-of-the-way alley, he realized that he and Fethry had ended up at the main road, less then twenty yards from the beginning of the pier. What was more, he could see Donald’s car.

It was pulled just off of the asphalt and onto the concrete, and parked behind a pile of boxes large enough that it likely couldn’t be spotted from anywhere except the small alley they’d just exited. The 313 was old, and in even worse repair then normal, with one of its mirrors duct taped on, and a couple of its fender skirts boasting decently sized dents. Slumped in the driver’s seat was Donald, with blood on his beak.

For a moment Gladstone felt like he had been plunged underwater.

He had seen his unlucky cousin injured before, many times even. Donald, Della, and Scrooge were always finding a way to get themselves into life-or-death danger, and even when they weren’t trouble managed to find Donald anyway. He’d seen his cousin thrown through walls, struck by lightning, almost crushed by falling boulders, and passed out in all sorts of places weirder then his own oddly parked car. But for all that, he’s rarely, if ever, seen his cousin bleed, so he thinks it’s probably the blood that makes everything about his just scream wrong.

The underwater-feeling, the feeling of wrongness, is intense, blurring the edges of the world and muffling all sound. He can just barely hear himself shout through the veil of unreality that, for one long moment, seems to drown him.

“Donald?!”

Beside him Fethry stops talking, then the underwater-feeling shatters to make way for the electrocuting feeling of ice-cold terror, and the next moment he and Fethry are both sprinting for the car.

Donald wakes up when they reach the car, both of them somewhat crashing into it in their panic. The more important thing, is that there are bloody petals in Donald’s lap. Gladstone suddenly feels like there’s something caught in his own throat that he has to force words out past, because he knows what bloody petals mean, but no no No NO—

“Donald, Donald what, w-who—“

Any doubt is swept away when Donald goes to respond and starts choking instead, coughing up not just bloody petals but entire flower heads. Red, Blue, Green, Pink, Gold, and White, all different shapes and kinds. Gladstone feels like every emotion he has has been flicked on at once, a white-hot intensity that burns through him just waiting to explode outward. The world around him is in crystalline clarity, all his senses turned up to eleven and recording in overwhelming detail, and he’s feeling everything at once. He knows what hanahaki is but he doesn’t know his flowers, can’t decipher what’s before him. Can’t know and can’t guess and can’t let Donald die.

Donald finishes hacking up a morbid bouquet and starts trying to tell him and Fethry, voice garbled even worse then normal, about having several hours left and wanting to be next to the ocean. Fethry is listening to Donald. Gladstone is doing anything but.

He hasn’t been Cloverleaf in years, and it’s been just as long since he actively controlled his luck. Focusing in the draining way it takes to Curse or Bless is not something he does outside of the mask, instead just letting Gladstone Gander be blown wherever his luck wishes to take him.

But by god he does it now, pouring everything he can into Blessing Donald more intensely then he’s ever done before, wanting and pushing, making bets against himself with devastating consequences if Donald dies. Deciding, with no hesitation or room for chance, what he’ll do —do to himself— if this goes wrong. Gladstone will never be okay again if Donald dies, making his luck agree is just a matter of making sure it knows that he means physically too.

He stifles and kills the urge to Curse whoever hurt his cousin, because that won’t help Donald now. But eyes are burning red with roiling anger, fear and worry adding fuel to the fire, the temper he shares with Donald on the few occasions he’s well and truly ticked on full display. And he will not release his death grip on his cousin’s arm.

And Gladstone doesn’t know it, but Paperinik has seen Cloverleaf Curse and Bless before, and can very much recognize the light static electricity jumping between his cousin’s feathers and the look of vicious concentration on his cousin’s face, even if he wasn’t expecting it at all.

Several miles across town in McDuck Mansion, six people discover they abruptly need Donald for something all at once. The worry that begins to break out when they can’t find him anywhere bubbles over into full blown panic as one of them trips into a trashcan, and a bunch of bloody petals are flung out as it goes flying.

———————————————O0—0—0O————————————————

Well! That wasn’t how I was expecting to loose my day. @bamboozledeagle this is your fault, I woke up to your Hanahaki post sitting at the top of my Tumblr dash, and spent the whole rest of the day writing it on-and-off. Then when I went to post it the WiFi crashed :/ so I had to wait a day.

This is completely unedited, so sorry about any glaring mistakes. I probably change style several times and I think I even changed tense once on accident. Oops. Also sorry about the formatting, I wrote it on notepad and then just copy-pasted to here, and only bothered fixing the italics.

The Gladstone/Cloverleaf on display here is my own version that I started playing around with after reading this post by @adamarinayu: https://adamarinayu.tumblr.com/post/176467180262/hey-yall asking for a competent version of Cloverleaf, but haven’t actually written anything with prior to this.

Blessing and Cursing is just what he calls manipulating his luck to make good things or bad things happen to other people. It also has the added bonus of helping protect his identity by making Cloverleaf seem magical instead of lucky.

Oh and Bam, the chicken in a pink cape line is also your fault by the way: *1 https://bamboozledeagle.tumblr.com/post/617956657118511104/i-love-how-in-your-and-other-peoples-aus

Sorry if the links don’t work on mobile.

[bittysvalentines]

The Phantom of Faber

From @leahlisabeth

To @the-lincyclopedia

I had a ton of fun coming up with this au! I hope you enjoy it!

Bitty wasn’t sure when he first noticed it.  Maybe it was a creeping sensation up his spine, a chill not related to the cold of the rink, a hint of movement out of the corner of his eye.  Whatever it was, he could never quite put it into words.  He wanted to at least tell Shitty about it.  He was a good guy and had been so understanding when Bitty came out to him.  But he couldn’t bear the thought that Shitty would think he was crazy.  So he kept his mouth closed, ignored what his gut was telling him, and kept going to practices like nothing had changed.  

It was the muffin incident that convinced him.  He had quickly gotten into the habit of breaking out his figure skates for early morning workouts.  He would get up early, reminiscent of his days in figure skating when he would meet Katya on the ice long before the sun crowned over the horizon.  He loved to be the first to make his mark on the fresh ice, hearing his skate blades bite deep into the cold, hard surface, feeling the wind on his face as he got up to speed, and inhaling that smell that was unique to Faber.  It helped to remind him why he loved skating, why he was here and still trying even though he couldn’t take a check.

Then he would sit on the bench, skates dangling, and enjoy some of his leftover baking and some sliced fruit for a post-workout breakfast in the solitude of the rink.

One morning, perhaps a month after he had first begun this routine, he packed an extra muffin.  He had a meeting after his first class and wasn’t going to be able to take his usual snack break so he wanted the extra calories to tide him over until lunch.  He pulled the paper bag out of his locker to find there was only one muffin.  He would have written the incident off as him being scatterbrained, but he swore he had double-checked the bag and there had been two muffins in there before.  He took a quick walk through the rink but he found no one.

After that, Bitty started to pay closer attention.  He counted his fruit before he packed it and counted it again when he ate it and often found he was short a strawberry or two. The coffee level in his thermos wasn’t exactly where it had been before he got on the ice either.  He remained vigilant, listening carefully for doors opening and closing, or footsteps, but he never saw or heard anyone.

“Have you ever heard anything about Faber being haunted?” he asked at one team dinner.

Ransom and Holster exchanged glances.  “Not the rink, no,” Ransom said.  “But did we tell you about Mandy and Jenny?  They’re the Haus ghosts and I swear they’re the ones leaving bruises all over my ass.”

Holster scoffed.  “I still say you’re making the whole thing up.  If we had ghosts with an ass fetish, why the hell would they be going after you when they have this specimen of manhood to covet?” He stood and turned around, pushing his butt out toward the group and looking back over his shoulder like a pornstar or a female superhero.

This, of course, started a fight, and between pulling Ransom and Holster apart and threatening no more dessert if they didn’t behave, Bitty’s original question was forgotten.

Bitty didn’t try to start any more conversations but he started packing a bigger breakfast, a second bacon and egg sandwich, two giant chocolate chip cookies, sometimes even a slice of pie alongside his usual fruit.  The first few times, his extra items weren’t taken, just the few bites of fruit.  So Bitty left his leftovers in his locker and by the time he came back a couple of hours later for practice, the food was always gone.  He still hadn’t caught a single real glimpse of whoever it was but he could feel the presence more clearly.  He was certain someone was watching him skate now and once he managed to land a triple axel, he thought he heard light applause.

Bitty was doing pretty well faking it at practice.  He was fast enough to avoid getting checked for the most part and so far he’d been lucky.  But today was the day his luck ran out.  Ransom and Holster had somehow managed to flank him and trap him against the boards and there was nothing for him to do but take the check.

He was not even sure if they reached him. He was already on the ground and he didn’t remember how he got there. Everyone was concerned, fluttering around him, trying to see if he was hurt. But Bitty didn’t even need to look at Hall and Murray to know they were disappointed. He wondered how long it would be now until they regretted giving him a scholarship and sent him home.

He stayed out in the rink after the team hit the showers.  He skated around a little, still jittery from adrenaline and fear, but soon he was shaking too hard to skate and he sat down on the player’s bench instead, hot tears welling up in his eyes and streaming uncontrollably down his cheeks.

“Are you okay?” a soft voice, one he didn’t recognize, asked behind him.

Bitty turned his head quickly around but didn’t see more than a shadowy figure cowering back into the darkness.

“Don’t look at me,” the voice pleaded.  

Bitty turned around to face the rink.  “I’m sorry.  I won’t.  You don’t have to run away.”

“Are you okay?” the voice asked again, closer this time.

“I...I don’t know,” Bitty answered honestly, tears still threatening to fall.

“Euh, thank you...for the food.  I don’t think I’ve ever had baking that tasted that good,” the voice said.

“I baked it myself,” Bitty said. “I was raised in the South so I don’t like anyone to go hungry on my watch.”

“It’s good,” the voice said.  “Especially that one apple pie, with the maple?  Reminds me of home.”

“You must be Canadian, eh?” Bitty teased.  He was met with silence and when he finally turned around again, he was alone.

The next morning, Bitty brought an extra slice of pie.  He hoped that he could apologize for frightening away his ghost.

He followed his regular routine, getting changed and going straight out onto the ice, leaving the pie in the locker room.  He warmed up for a few minutes and was surprised when a figure wearing all black joined him on the ice.  He was wearing an old, beat up goalie mask that had definitely seen better days and obscured most of his face.  He hunched one shoulder awkwardly, like he had hurt it and it had never healed properly, but his skates were sure and his strides were powerful and fluid, like he had spent his life on the ice.

Bitty tried not to stare too much but he couldn’t help catching a glimpse of blue, blue eyes beneath the mask.

“You skate?” he asked, delighted.

The man shrugged, keeping his face turned away from Bitty.  “Not really, not anymore.  But I know a little, maybe enough to help you get past your block about checking?”

“You’d really do that for me?” Bitty asked.

“It was really good pie.” The man looked Bitty in the face for just an instant, enough for Bitty to see kindness and sadness in equal measure in those eyes.

“I’m Eric...Bittle, but everyone here calls me Bitty,” Bitty said, holding out his hand for the man to shake.

“Bitty,” the man said, grasping Bitty’s hand and giving the impression of strength.  “Call me Jack.”

Bitty’s routine changed again.  He would meet Jack in the rink in the morning and would try not to faint as Jack gently checked him into the boards again and again, and then they would sit on the bench and enjoy breakfast together.  Jack had to remove the mask to eat so they would sit back to back, talking and laughing but unable to look each other in the face.  Out of all the physical touch he was experiencing now, from Shitty’s borderline risque cuddles, to Holster and Ransom’s whirlwind bearhugs, this was the touch he had begun to relish most, the warmth of Jack against his back, a safe haven from the chill of Faber.

It didn’t take long for Bitty to start pouring his heart out.  He was quickly coming to think of Jack as one of his best friends.  It did bother him that he hardly knew anything about Jack, but anytime he tried to ask questions or press for more, Jack would clam up completely and run away.

It was nearing the end of the season.  Holster and Ransom had set Bitty up on another disastrous date and Bitty was regaling Jack with every awful detail.  “And then his face turned this weird sickly green and I didn’t have time to even move before he was throwing up all over my shoes.”

“Haha, oh?” Jack said.

“Bless his heart, I think it was his first time drinking, for sure his first time going on a date with a boy.  I don’t know why Ransom thought we would be so perfect for each other.  That boy clearly has not had time yet to come to terms with his own sexuality.  Maybe we could be friends, but that’s not what I’m looking for right now,” Bitty said.

Jack tensed behind him.  His voice was deceptively casual when he spoke again.  “What are you looking for?”

Bitty was thrown off by the question.  “I guess, someone taller than me, nice ass, strong enough to throw me around.”

“And that’s all that matters, someone who can manhandle you?” Jack chirped.

“Well no...but…” Bitty took a deep breath.  “Someone easy to talk to, to laugh with, someone who knows all about me and likes me anyway.  Blue...um...blue eyes.”

Jack leaned back, shoulders warm and solid at Bitty’s back.  “I want...I want to tell you something.”

“Of course, Jack, you can tell me anything.”  Bitty breathed deeply and reached a hand back to touch Jack’s arm.  Jack moved and laced his fingers with Bitty’s.

“I used to play hockey,” he started.  “Not just for fun.  I was good, like NHL good, like first pick of the draft good.”

“I thought perhaps you were better than you let on,” Bitty said, reassuringly squeezing Jack’s hand.

“I also...um...have really bad anxiety.  So the night before the draft, I’d been drinking, I was freaked out, and I decided to go driving.  It was stupid.  Things could have been so much worse.  I could have hit someone.  But instead, I wrapped my car around a tree and that was it: no more NHL, no more hockey, no more...anything,” Jack was nearly whispering by the end of it.

Tears stood in Bitty’s eyes.  “I’m sorry that happened to you.”  He wished he had something better to say.

“My shoulder never healed right,” Jack continued.  “And my face...it’s not pretty.”  He sat silent for a long moment, clutching Bitty’s hand desperately.  “But I want you to see me.”

“You don’t have to,” Bitty said.

“I do,” Jack said, “because I’m falling in love with you and you need to know me.”

“Jack, I…” Bitty started.

“Don’t say anything, not until you see,” Jack said.  He let go of Bitty’s hand and stood.

Bitty stood too and turned to face him.

The first thing he saw was Jack’s blue, blue eyes, staring back at him.  The left side of his face was normal, strong jaw, sharp cheekbones, a hint of manly stubble, but the right side was scarred beyond repair, cheekbone and jaw crooked after being set improperly, skin swollen and melted like candle wax from healed burns.  After a moment, Jack turned away, hiding his face once more.

Bitty raised a hand.  “Can I?” he asked softly.

Jack looked back at him and nodded.

Bitty traced the scars with one gentle fingertip.  Jack closed his eyes and leaned into Bitty’s hand.

“I’ll go,” Jack said.  “I just wanted you to know why.”

“No,” Bitty said, sharper than he meant to.

Jack looked at him with hope in his eyes.

“Sweetpea,” Bitty said.  “I’m falling in love with you too.”

[crashnbxrn]

「 you think yourself above the wolves, above the makers and the destroyers of the world, above the gods. and yet, little lion, you have so far to go before you are above yourself.」

―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

what’s up, what’s up ladies n gents n everybody in between! my name’s skye, mun here of the lovely not apollo choi (fc. jackson wang)! i’m very excited to be here, i’ve been eyeing this roleplay for about a month now I believe (??) and have been wanting to join tenfold, which I finally decided to go through with! below the cut you’ll find out some more of my boy here ― if you would like to plot, my discord user is sunnyburst#8001 or you can hit me up in tumblr PM’s! can’t wait to get to know you all, MWUAH 💗💗

( JACKSON WANG. MALE. ) Aleksander’s coven is intimately familiar with ( APOLLO CHOI, ) a dedicate Death Dealer for the coven. ( HE) is a ( 622 ) year old vampire known throughout the New World Coven for being ( CLEVER + STEADFAST. ) However, those who are familiar with them also know that they are very ( MANIPULATIVE + CRUEL. ) They’re known for being the ( LION. ) Though they are technically disbanded, they are still dedicated to their cause.

  ⤹ ―――――  ⤸

～ INFORMATION

full name // apollo choi [ it should be noted that his birth name is kept closely guarded ] 

nickname(s) // leo, heatstroke

age // 25 622

gender // male

species // vampire

title // the lion

birthdate // august 6, 1397

birthplace // hanyang, korea (modern-day seoul)

occupation // ex-death dealer, ceo of a major movie studio

ethnicity // korean

orientation // bisexual, although he’s scared to admit it and keeps it under wraps

status // single

languages // korean, english, spanish, french, cantonese

―――

fc // jackson wang

hair // dark brown

eyes // chocolate/hazel - gold

height // 6'3" ft

weight // 183 lb

body // muscular, slim

style // suave and modern, always clean-cut, fashionable but doesn’t experiment too much

defining features // besides his canines, speckled hazel heterochromia in his left eye

tattoos // n/a

scars // n/a

―――

horoscope // leo

zodiac // ox

element // fire

moral alignment // neutral evil

type // ESTP - the entrepreneur

house // gryffindor

religion // none - atheist

fears // really only one; to have his secrets be outed without his wanting

chronic // n/a

positive // insightful, clever, reliable, articulate, charismatic, level-headed, hard-working, incisive, authoritative

neutral // determined, distinctive, passionate, romantic, complex

negative // blunt, manipulative, crafty, hot-headed, cruel, vengeful, presumptuous, twisted

⤹ ――――― ⤸

～ PAST

it’s long af whoops

[ TW: mentions of physical abuse, slight gore, death ]

apollo was born to a high-class noble family in hanyang, korea on what we know as august 6, 1397

growing up in the peak of the joseon dynasty and one of the country’s golden ages, there was not much the young boy needed, but rather everything that he wanted

his father was a high-ranking member of the city’s caste system, one of the generals that assisted in ushering in the new era

his childhood is spent alternating between school for preparation in aristocracy and basking in the social standards of the time ― while he isn’t old enough to begin more ‘dangerous’ tasks, the patriarch implements training in everything from horseback riding to whittling for apollo to enjoy

life isn’t good for him, it’s great ; he doesn’t have to worry about much, and when he does there’s people around him available to clear up any ‘misunderstandings’ in a heartbeat

still, as he grows older, a superiority complex begins to take hold of the young boy, coupled strangely with a boredom he had yet to experience before

the result? a horrible combination that begins to warp his personality in tidbits, before he fully ‘sinks in’ so to speak

by 12 his father has deemed him ready to embark on more trials outside of simple pleasantries. never mind the golden age of science and art ― apollo’s father was a militaristic man through and through, and he knew war would come one way or another

so the youth begins to learn of the knowledge of battle; how to wield a sword, proper fighting techniques, the instinct of survival ― such is beaten into him in more ways than one, excuses for failure reaching deaf ears and perfection being the only goal

this type of treatment does well to cause both vice and virtue for apollo; the once happy boy is twisted in a grasp of frost and cruelty, and yet he finds himself training ever harder and hardly taking heed to words outside of his father’s opinion

he’s 16, young and ablaze, a fire coursing through his veins despite his frigid approach. apollo’s beginning to make a name for himself, partaking in whatever challenges present themselves, discerning towards talks of a bright future when all he wanted was blood

his elders begin to take note of this and, under pleased recommendation from his father, ascend apollo to become apart of the high-ranking royal guard ordered to protect the king and his family

while he would rather be out on the battlefield (despite the age of scientific expansion, there was also trifles to be meddled in), apollo took the opportunity with steadfast determination and took his job as seriously as one could

he finds himself betrothed at age 18 on consideration by his father who is eager for a lineage, a fragile noble girl in all sense of the word being chosen as a ‘perfect fit’. apollo could hardly care, however  ― if he had his way, he would be married to his sword, yet he supposed a woman would do for the time being

still, time goes on with little interruptions; the beast marries the beauty, he’s promoted to personal guard of the youngest prince, and his often-times anger is allowed to be sated on whoever is unfortunate enough to end up in chains that day

yet, soon trouble begins to brew, although not with him ― tensions between korea and japan begin to rock the state, rumors of war falling over the distant hills being drunk up by the common rabble. apollo is eager for such to arrive, hoping to take part in what he sees as ‘festivities’, despite being obviously chained to protection over the 13 year old boy all considered ‘prince’

and yet this boy was the cause for much of his frustration ― opposed to when apollo was young, the prince was futile and weak, eager to take part in more pleasantries rather than learn of his future duties to the dynasty

such often enraged the elder, forced to bite his tongue in earnest of stepping out his ‘boundaries’ despite having much to say

trouble, however, spirals downwards quickly within his life ― with the prince turning 20 and him lingering atop 25, apollo would hope that the 5-year continuation from him first being assigned would only shape up the younger. however, it seems to be quite the opposite; the prince spends his time ‘play fighting’, as apollo calls it, and dragging his guard through the forest in daily hunts that hardly often accounted for anything due to his skill. on top of that, it is found that his young wife is infertile, and despite hardly caring for any child at all, she is cast out of the marriage and lowered within society’s eyes

yet one such hunting trip results in tragedy ― after the two embark on their routine that apollo had become all-too used to, they come across a herd of wild boars the prince is eager to slaughter. after attempting to quell his lineage to no avail, an argument ensues; the prince comments on how apollo is out of line, and he likewise comments that the royal is going to get himself killed ― unfortunately, it results on the attention of the boars being caught, and apollo hardly has time to get out of the way before he’s being battered and speared through with bone

the prince, in retaliation, runs away

spine broken, bleeding out on autumn leaves, apollo shifts back and forth through consciousness enough to make out an approaching figure before everything goes dark ― such a figure, unknown to him, would change his life (and death) forever

he awakes a day later in a home hidden by the shadows of the treetops, not far from hanyang. he believes he is dead, and yet the being waiting there for him discerns otherwise ― he is alive, just not in the traditional sense.

apollo spends a month with the mysterious figure, who he comes to know as his ‘sire’, and learns of his existence. of how he was destined to die, and came by much more powerful and much stronger. of how the figure had been stalking them for the perfect moment to strike, only to find another opportunity instead. the realization of him being ‘vampire’ surprisingly comes easy to apollo; he approaches his existence as a gift more than a curse, especially considering the abilities that come along with it.

when he returns home he is met with shock, remorse, celebration, and guilt, particularly from the young prince who had abandoned him. his story is simple― after being left to die by the royal, apollo managed to crawl to a nearby stream and patch his wounds with mud and leaves, obviously leaving out the ‘broken spine’ detail. his explanation as to how he had healed completely back to his healthy self? blessings from the gods, that of which was good enough to deem him fit for society

much to apollo’s pleasure, the prince was chastised and punished in a dutiful manner for his cowardice and betrayal. becoming used to his usual bloodlust that came from not feeding went easier than he expected as well ― the ‘lepers’ cast out provided well enough sustenance for apollo, and not a single soul bat an eyelash at their deaths. 

ageing, however, was a different issue ― he could not stay 25 within the city for long, and yet religion played enough of a part in hiding such a fact. years passed and apollo gave praises to the gods for his ‘youthful’ appearance even at 32, noble families falling over him in an effort to obtain being part of his lineage, and yet he hardly cared to give them a glance ― to apollo, there were better things on the horizon, and he wanted to experience it all

so, what was the best thing to do? fake his death, obviously. superstition ran high in his community, so he simply walked off into the woods one day and never returned ― they would fret, apollo knew, but overtime they would simply reason that he was ‘reclaimed’ by the deities. in truth? he returned to the home he had first woken up to, only to find it empty ― his sire was nowhere to be found.

did he break down into tears? cry out in the dark? hardly; for a newborn vampire, apollo had nerves and determination of steel, and simply ‘set up camp’ for the time being. if he couldn’t live in the city, he would live where he could be free

apollo’s world is about as interesting as it can get after that ― he alternates between staying in woods to returning to hanyang after he’s sure every other generation has died out. the same story of being a ‘newcomer’ is told regardless, and no one ever questions it because they hardly know him. this sort of ‘schedule’ he has allows him to be both separated yet still grow with the times. he admits that the future was not exactly what he expected, and yet all-too exciting for vampire. time passes in the blink of an eye for an immortal, watching as his home of hanyang shifts in the modern city of seoul ― such a sight triggers something within apollo, and he realizes he too must change with the world

new york city is not the first choice on his list; rather, the vampire changes his name and attempts to travel to london as a more ‘immediate’ deviation. however, he is not received well ― altercations involving vampire covens within the city eventually push him out, solace within the european countries not found for long. the united states is next; it’s a melting pot, and exactly what apollo is looking for, yet new york catches his eye above most. deviating from his original plan of los angeles, the vampire is pleased at the anonymity of the city and the opportunities presented with it greatly

a chance encounter with 3 lone vampires including himself results in meeting aleksander and eventually being inducted into his coven. at first, apollo is thrown off by the sudden influx of ‘sociability’ that is expected, yet he soon finds it endearing enough and something he admires, even. he is one of the first to join up as a death dealer when the role is announced ― although his seductive nature and sadism is not attributed to only one species, apollo is all-too eager to sate the never ending lust for war and blood he finds the opportunity of in hunting with his  newfound brothers and sisters. even after the death dealers ‘officially’ disbanded, he still heeds the call of aleksander whenever needed, more than pleased to assist in whatever is required of him.

⤹ ――――― ⤸

～ FACTS

his birth name is not apollo choi, and has been kept a secret and on the backburner since he was turned ― he sees it as his ‘past’ self and a chain to his current identity

after arriving in nyc, he’s since found a love for film (or rather ‘entertainment’ as a whole) and began his own movie studio, that of which skyrocketed in popularity and is now among some of the top ones in the country. he keeps himself separated from the majority of his employees so that he can ‘hand down’ the company to himself ― those necessarily close to him are fellow vampires, who he knows he can trust with his immortality

sometime after he was turned he came to realization that he was bisexual rather than straight. while he is a rather romantic individual and wishes for a lot, he’s scared of dedicated love with the way he is, and keeps his sexuality under wraps for fear of someone possibly using it against him

his overall personality is very sadistic and twisted ― he finds joy in the pain he causes others, depending on who they are, and isn’t one known for mercy among the death dealers

apollo believes in ‘ability’ more than ‘possibility’. it is partially one of the reasons he no longer is religious; he finds the belief in the supernatural on earth and the immortality they possess to be far against any idea of ‘god’ or ‘gods’

he was nicknamed ‘leo’ by aleksander due to his fiery passion and his bravery in what he does. he’s attempted to get tattoos of lions on his body, but finds that they forcibly heal due to his abilities

[la-vita-in-arancione]

Killer Queen: Chapter 6 - It’s Late

Summary: Arabella Ruth White is the fifth member of the Marauders. And life at Hogwarts certainly isn’t easy. Especially when you have alcohol, relationships, unhealthy music obsessions, a fake stage persona, weird ass friends with weird ass problems and actual school all thrown into the equation. (This story is also on Wattpad and AO3 of the same name. I will always update on Wattpad first.)

A/N: So I have definitely decided on updating every Tuesday so you can expect that from now on! Just be aware I have now got two shows to rehearse for now so there may be weeks where the update is a couple days late. I will let you know in advance if that might happen.

Warnings(s): swearing, referenced underage if you know what I mean

Word Count: 1.7k+

Taglist: @missqueeniewrites

Ask to be on my taglist!

"If Remus doesn't hurry the fuck up then I'm leaving."

On any other Friday night, what I would need would be to blow off some steam after a long week. What I would need would be to have a party. What I would need would be to make out with my latest victim/boyfriend. What I would need would be to get absolutely shitfaced. But no. Not on this Friday night. Oh no. On this Friday night, while I wanted to be doing something worth my energy, I was waiting for one of my dickhead friends to come to the Gryffindor common room as he apparently had some amazing news.

Amazing news, my arse.

I swear on my record player, that boy is walking a fine line of either being my friend or getting fucking smacked. A very fine line. About as fine as a grain of salt. Speaking of salt, Remus was getting a shitload in his tea tomorrow morning if he didn't get here within the next minute.

I'm such a great friend, aren't I?

"I'm serious, this better not be a joke," I huffed, slouching against the boy whose lap I was currently sitting on. Rick or Dick or something like that. All I could remember was that his face was vaguely reminiscent of a young David Bowie and honestly, I like that in a guy. He softly caressed my thigh with his thumb and pressing a rather wet kiss to the back of my neck. The thought was there at least, even if the hand on my leg was getting a bit too far up for my liking.

Peter gave me a pointed look, "You need to calm down, he's only a couple minutes late."

"What about the time we were, what, 5 minutes late to lunch? You looked as if you were going to have a mental breakdown right there and then," James smirked, no real malice behind the statement. It still made Peter blush furiously to which James only ruffled his hair.

"You just want him to hurry up so you can shag your friend in a broom cupboard," Sirius said, sounding like a disappointed father.

"Darling, you're a fine one to talk, or are we going to let go of the incident where Filch locked you in a cupboard while you were fucking some girl last year?" I retorted, only resulting in a staring contest between us. OK, so maybe we were both, let's say, experienced in that department. Was it a good thing? Probably not. Was it legal? Oh, fuck no. The law was just something that happened to other people really. This only started in the first place because of a extremely impractical bet that was made in our third year.

"Sirius Black, you whore."

"I am no whore! I am as pure as Jesus Christ himself!"

"If you're as pure as Jesus then Ruth is bloody God."

"Fuck off Peter."

"I'm good thanks."

"Sirius, I have not let you go just yet, young man. I know the walk of shame when I see it."

"Yeah from all the guys that you've made traipse out of our room after an interesting date."

"Fuck off Peter."

"Whatever. I could still get more shags than you."

"You wanna bet?"

"Alright then."

Whoever got more shags by the time we left Hogwarts got 100 galleons from the loser. Which is bad because I don't have 100 galleons. And I reckon Sirius doesn't either. Hence why we were both so keen to win. Although if I'm honest, if I managed to keep whatever would be left of my dignity in tact by the end of our seventh year, that would be enough for me. Not that I would ever admit that to Sirius. 

"Oh, look here he comes," James nodded in Remus's direction, who was now making his way through the common room to us. The statement did, however, put an end to the rather childish staring contest that Sirius and I had refused to back down from. Until now. 

Dammit Remus.

"You took your time," I raised my eyebrows at him as he stood before us, "What the fuck is this all about then?" We all looked at him expectantly, practically drowning in anticipation.

"I have some news," he said, taking a deep breath.

"No shit Sherlock," Peter interjected, voice dripping with sarcasm. 

Remus glared at him before continuing, "I trust you all know Idania," he began slowly, as if he wasn't sure how he was going to deliver his apparent news. 

Unfortunately, he had chosen to be friends with a bunch of impatient bastards who had no concept of waiting for someone. Sirius exaggerated a yawn and James looked at the watch he wore for the sole purpose of looking like, and I quote, "a smart hot guy but not too smart to be considered stuck up".

"Anyway, there has been an interesting development," he said, taking a painfully long time to get to the fucking point. After saying this, he gestured behind us and we naturally turned our heads to look. Except there was nothing there.

Remus what.

I turned back to him and was about to ask him this when I noticed that he was now accompanied by a certain blue-haired girl. How the fuck she got there that quickly and that quietly, I would never know. 

I clutched my chest and breathed heavily, grabbing onto David Bowie-lookalike for support, "Is it too much to ask for you to go one day without almost giving me a heart attack? Just one day, that's all I ask."

Idania of course looked rather confused, bless her, and Remus quickly signed for her. Realisation dawned on her face and she breathed shortly through her nose, which I assumed to be how she laughed. This drew my attention to her nose and now I could see her properly, I had the chance to admire her nose piercings properly. She had two silver studs in the left side and a matching ring going through the middle of her nose which reminded me somewhat of a bull. Her hair was styled in two French braids, so loose that I was terrified they would fall out at any given moment, coming to a bun at the bottom of her head. This also allowed me to also see her ear piercings in all their glory. She had two crystal studs in her right ear, meanwhile in her left, she had a hanging moon and star with a chain dangling from the bottom of it, three studs not unlike the ones in the other ear, two rings on the side of her ear and a stud and ring near the entrance of the ear. That was a lot of piercings but she pulled it off fabulously. She was probably breaking more rules in her appearance alone than I had all week and I did not like that, no matter how fucking amazing she looked.

Idania started signing rapidly and Remus thankfully translated for us, "Err, she says seen as Remus here is taking far too long, I'll make it easier for you all," this resulted in a look from him that clearly screamed 'what did I do to you', "Remus and I are going out!"

I fucking knew it.

Thank God I didn't have to spend the entire year watching them make heart eyes at each other but continuously deny the other liked them back. We interrogated them for a while, discovering all the important details such as who asked who (she asked him), when it happened (yesterday) and when their first date would be (tomorrow). They happily gushed about the blooming relationship, much to my delight, but I couldn't help but notice the almost uncomfortable look on Sirius's face when he thought no one was looking.

*************

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Sirius practically yelled, staring at the book in his hands.

"Sorry but that's the first step," I shrugged, smug as hell that I didn't have to go through that. He was currently staring at my notebook that had clearly written the step by step instructions for becoming an Animagus.

And the first part?

Keeping a mandrake leaf in your mouth for a month.

A whole month.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I didn't have to do that and you can bet I wouldn't let Peter, James and especially Sirius forget it.

"It's not that bad, you can still talk and drink and eat," Remus pointed out from his hospital bed, "It will just take a lot of getting used to."

"The only thing you can't do is kiss," I said in a sing-song voice that really did not help with calming Sirius down, "Such a shame, isn't it? No sex for a whole month. Guess I'll just have to have as much as possible so you can't catch me and win the bet," I smiled as sweetly as I could and Sirius probably would have smacked me there and then if Remus wasn't giving him what we sometimes call the teacher's glare.

He had to settle for a simple, "Fuck off Ruth."

"That's exactly what I intend to do, darling," I said, trying ridiculously hard to not laugh. Luckily, James and Peter returned from the greenhouses with the mandrake leaves before Sirius could retaliate and before Remus could scold me again. Even when the full moon was a mere minutes away he could still snappy. Perhaps now even more so. James started handing out the leaves - we had a few spare in case, Merlin forbid, we needed them.

"So remember what my mum said," I reminded quickly as I could see Minnie and Poppy coming over to collect Remus out of the corner of my eye, "As soon as we see the full moon, everybody put their leaf in their mouth, OK?" Everybody nodded and hid their leaves as the teachers came closer. 

Remus grimaced when Minnie said grimly, "Come now, Lupin." I shot him a sad smile as he trudged out of the hospital wing. Even though this had been happening every month for near enough 10 years now, I still felt a strange sense of melancholy and maybe even guilt. I hated having to watch one of my best friends go through the mental and physical pain that came with being a werewolf and not being able to do anything about it. I guess we would just have to wait together and hope and pray to a God that may or may not exist that he would be OK.

[intothewickedwood]

Once Upon A Time Rewatch: 1x02 The Thing You Love Most

I’m so excited for another episode!!

I am in love with the intro

Henry’s so happy that the clock’s ticking! Bless him!

I get the feeling Regina’s been looking through that book all night

Bahahaha! Emma opening the door in her knickers! I wonder if Regina noticed

If Regina had come to my door with those apples in such a manner, I would not have taken any. I love the parallels to the Snow White story here!

“Don’t underestimate me Miss Swan. You have no idea what I’m capable of.” She’s freaking terrifying!

Man, I was so shocked when they revealed that man was Regina’s father. She treats him like a mere servant here. Earlier on in her transformation to the Evil Queen, she treats him much nicer.

I wonder if it’s just snowing where the Forbidden Fortress is or if it’s snowing everywhere else

Maleficent and Regina’s fight! So awesome! And Mal’s fear for the unicorn’s safety! I wonder if it was once a human.

I wonder who these villains were. I’m surprised we didn’t see more of them considering they were the darkest souls. I wonder if every subsequent time a curse was cast, the caster had to get hair from whoever the darkest souls were at the time.

I really like the effect with the trees; chlorokinesis, I believe it’s called (I may note down the magical abilities of each magic user as I go, because I’m a total ‘power’ nerd). I wish we’d gotten to see more of this ability. It could have come in really handy for Regina in the Enchanted Forest.

That apple tree is so gorgeous. Regina really loves that tree.

That hot cocoa with cinnamon looks delicious and I don’t even like hot chocolate. The whole thing with Emma, Henry and Mary Margaret all liking cinnamon with their cocoa is an adorable detail.

“I’m ten. Walk me!” What a cute.

Henry explaining the curse and operation cobra’s introduction! And that apple toss always gets me!

Mary Margaret! Ma girl! She’s so happy that Henry’s smiling again. The best grandma! And Emma’s face when she realizes Henry thinks Mary Margaret is her mother! I wonder if she’s considering he might be right. They get on so naturally.

Poor Archie just wants to help Henry!

Those are a lot of files!

Graham flirting <3. I adore them! They’re so cute!

Regina, you can’t just walk in in the middle of class, ma girl. Henry doesn’t believe her for a second. What is she implying here? Is she trying to say Emma’s not really his birth mother? Or that she is, but she’s using them regardless?

Mary Margaret bailing Emma out because she trusts Emma! Regina, your curse is showing. Also, I’m in love with Mary Margaret’s outfits!

The tree scene! Regina be fuming!

“What is there for me to go back to.” Regina’s lost all hope here. She sees no possible happy ending without casting this curse. That’s actually really heartbreaking. You can feel her despair.

She turns into a rat. I can’t remember any other magic users doing that. Cool! Again, I’m surprised she didn’t use this ability more often, especially if she could turn into other animals. And Rumple knows she’s there!

This scene with Rumple and Regina. So intense! So awesome! The way he grabs her face!

The way Regina gets up in people’s faces. Her deadly glare as she speaks. I love it! It makes her so thrilling to watch!

Graham is so right and you should listen Regina. Henry is the one who ends up getting hurt. And the worst part is, he might have inadvertently given her the idea to use Henry to get to Emma. Also, off topic but have I mentioned how hot Graham is. Like damn! And the garden is so gorgeous!

“And that you’re here to take my son from me.” I honestly think that’s how Regina sees Emma’s actions even when Emma says those aren’t her intentions.

That trick with Henry was uncalled for, Regina. And I don’t think either of them are entirely innocent here since Emma could be more careful with her words but please guys, let’s not use henry’s feelings to get to each other.

Regina is just breaking apart here. Snow’s childhood mistake and her subsequently finding her true love, while Regina remains lost is eating her up inside. She’s so desperate to cast this curse that she can’t see the woods from the trees.  

I feel sorry for Henry Sr. I think deep down he just wanted her to be happy but he went about his mission the wrong way. He didn’t deserve to be killed by her.

They both like hot cocoa with cinnamon! I love everything about Mary Margaret and Emma’s friendship! They get on so well from the start!

Also, I love everything about Mary Margaret! Okay, I have the biggest crush and she’s also my baby. There’s just something about her personality. She was the main reason I kept watching, among many other reasons, because I fell hard for this season pretty early. She’s just so adorable!

“I think the very fact that you want to leave, is why you have to stay.��� Speak the truth, girl!

I love Archie’s office!

Poor Henry. He’s so upset. But I love the way Emma just comes in and decides to help him any way she can, even if it means going along with the curse. That hug! Bless him!!! “I knew you were here to help me.” Just rip out my heart why don’t you!

That reveal that Regina’s father’s name was Henry! What are you trying to do to me Once!

Look at Emma and Henry walking out of Archie’s office together. They look so happy and Henry keeps looking at Emma like she’s the world.

The last seen in that beautiful garden in the dark! So gorgeous! And Gold playing mind games. I remember not knowing if he was awake or not. That was wild!

[kryptaria]

knowing the projects you tackled in the past, I wondered if you could give me some advice writing-wise. I started a little Queer Eye!Stucky crossover fic and got a bit overwhelmed on the way. I'm not the most confident author in the world, but I really wanna go back finish something. So I wondered if you have some advice when it comes to moments in stories with a lot of people in the scene? I know you've other things on your mind, so please answer this one whenever you feel like it! Stay awesome

A few things:

Choose one point of view character and stick to it. If that character can’t sense whatever’s going on with one of the background cast, don’t write it.

Unless it’s essential to the story (plot, setting, mood, whatever), don’t bother mentioning it. Leave room for the reader’s imagination to fill in the blanks.

Describe things broadly rather than detailing what every single person is saying or doing.

Details under the cut.

Point of View

There are two relevant components to this.

First, choose the story’s POV style in general. Is it:

first person (I/me)

second person (usually a reader-insert using “you”)

third-person close (you choose one character’s POV for each scene/chapter/the whole book and stick to it)

third-person omniscient* (you hop from mind to mind like you’re writing for a movie audience)

or something else (I’m not sure what, but maybe there’s something else out there?)

Then choose the POV character for each scene.

This will give you broad limits. Once you have a POV character, you can figure out what that POV character is able to perceive.

I’m going to use the Great British Bake Off as an example here, because it’s lovely. Let’s say your POV character is a contestant. Under most circumstances, the character is facing the front of the tent, so they can’t see what’s going on behind them. They can hear and smell, though. And if they’ve turned around, they can’t see their own workstation or the hosts at the front of the tent, but they can see whoever is baking at the stations behind them.

So if your character is in the middle of the tent and actively baking, have them hear a clatter behind them as the baker at the back of the tent drops a pan. Then have the POV character actively turn to see who it is.

They can also probably see clearly over their own workstation (remember to factor in things like character height, including characters who use wheelchairs) to the station in front of them. But while they probably can see the shoes of the baker one station forward, they can’t see the shoes of the baker two stations forward. Make sense?

Decide What’s Important

This is the tough part and where a lot of us fail. We go into loving detail about every-damn-thing, and we lose the reader.

Truth be told, we don’t need to know what every character is wearing in excruciating detail unless it’s plot relevant. Instead, give us the broad strokes -- are they clothed “appropriately” for the situation or are they going to stick out? If they’re at a black tie gala, are they dressed in line with their own cultural norms? Someone else’s culture? Are they appropriating or have they been invited to dress according to a culture that’s not their own?

(I’m reminded of a story differentiating between some appropriative white woman at Coachella wearing a bindi and feathered headdress vs. a white woman who’s attending a wedding and has been invited by the host’s family to properly wear a sari, with their blessing.)

And see? I just used two paragraphs to over-write advice. Basically, if it doesn’t matter, don’t bog the story down with it.

Broad strikes are things like:

They could barely concentrate on the music over the cheers and shouts of the audience.

The competing smells of a dozen cooking desserts mixed with perfume and the stink of hot lights to merge into a migraine-inducing fume.

Laughter rang out from the group clustered in one corner.

A riot of colorful ball gowns stood out against the shadowy backdrop of dinner suits.

Those aren’t exactly award-winning sentences, but you get the idea. Paint enough of the background to tell the reader generally who’s there and what’s generally going on. But for love of Bast, don’t do lists unless it’s unavoidable (and yes, I’m guilty of doing this). Things like:

Tony was at the bar, serving up drinks. Loki was sulking in the corner under Natasha’s watchful eye. Thor was playing with a golden retriever. Bucky was lurking protectively near Steve, who was chatting with Clint. Bruce was sitting on the sofa, looking overwhelmed.

Just say “The great room was packed with the Avengers -- and, to ’s surprise, Loki. Thankfully, Natasha was keeping an eye on him, since Thor was distracted by the golden retriever that chased a ball right to ’s feet.” or something like that.

Then, as the scene progresses, you can do “Tony called, ‘Hey, ! What can I get you?’” and later have wander over to Bruce, and so on.

Take a look at BY THE CURRAWONG’S CALL by Welton B. Marsland here: https://smile.amazon.com/Currawongs-Call-Welton-B-Marsland-ebook/dp/B074HZHGJ1

Read the first chapter preview (and then buy it, because it’s fantastic). It’s a great example of how to introduce a massive cast of characters without losing the reader, because it flows naturally.

So In Your Story...

Choose the POV character. If it’s Steve or Bucky, do things like:

“You need to do XYZ,” said Queer Guy #4.

“Why?” Steve asked, trying not to flinch every time he heard a crashing noise from the kitchen where Queer Guys #2 and #5 were doing something in the cupboards. Bucky was in there. Surely he’d keep them from throwing out anything important, like the age-seasoned cast iron pans.

Queer Guy #1 stopped on his way to the front door, his arms full of boxes that used to be piled behind the sofa. Was he throwing them out or just putting them in storage? Steve couldn’t remember what was in those boxes. Were they important?

“Because ABC reason,” #1 said over #4′s shoulder, unaware of Steve’s inner panic.

“See?” #4 said a bit smugly. “You need to --”

He cut off at a scream coming from the bedroom where #3 had disappeared. “Shit,” Steve said, forgetting about the boxes and XYZ. He ran off, hoping like hell that the cameras hadn’t just caught #3 finding the crate of grenades under the bed.

Again, it’s off-the-cuff writing so not exactly award-winning, but do you see how it’s generalized? Keep the focus tight on what Steve’s seeing, hearing, thinking, doing, etc. Throw in cameos that are plot-relevant, but don’t bother with overdoing the details unless they’re important.

Hope this helps!

Note: An excellent example of a writer who does third-person omniscient is Tom Clancy -- the original Tom Clancy works, not the stuff that’s been written since his death under the “Tom Clancy” brand. Take a look at the book version of THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER, though if you can get through it, RED STORM RISING is an even better example.

[evenstevensranked]

#1: Season 3, Episode 5 - “Band on the Roof”

ANNNND... “BAND ON THE ROOF” TAKES THE CAKE!

I cannot believe I’m publishing the #1 ranking. Next month will mark two whole years since I created this blog and now, after countless hours spent on 64 reviews, we’re finally here! Never thought I’d see the day. I never anticipated that I’d be this emotional about it either. I’ll save the mushiness and some final thoughts for the end of the post. 

When The Twitty-Stevens Connection gets back together, Tom shoots a documentary -- excuse me, “rockumentary” -- detailing the highs and lows of the band’s reunion! What we get is a rollercoaster of an episode featuring (almost) all of our favorite characters, the most legendary quote in the entire series, a mockumentary approach to filming that was ahead of its time, a heartwarming plot for our two main siblings, and one hell of a catchy song to boot. 

For the last time... 

Let’s get into it!

I know I throw the word "Iconic" around loosely sometimes but this is genuinely an iconic episode for the series. I feel like everyone remembers this episode. Even if you didn't watch the show too often, you still remember this episode. This one kinda makes me wish that Even Stevens was one of the first popular American comedy sitcoms to pioneer the mockumentary style gimmick for the entire series. (i.e. The Office, Modern Family, Parks & Rec) Because it works here. Really well. I’ve mentioned a few times before that The Office is my other all-time favorite comedy show, so I absolutely ADORE those strong vibes here. 

According to Wikipedia and their list of “Mockumentaries” (which includes this episode!) -- as far as the genre in television goes, it seemed to become a big thing in the UK first and then spread to places like Australia and Canada. The United States mockumentary television format boom started in the early-mid 2000s, specifically at or around 2003 with Arrested Development and then in 2005 with the humble beginnings of The Office. "Band on the Roof” premiered in 2002. Hmmm. Very interesting! Not sayin’ Even Stevens was ahead of its time once again but that’s exactly what I’m saying. It’s almost like this show trial-runs ideas before they take off. First with “Influenza” and then this. Even though this episode was definitely more of a spoof of VH1′s “Behind The Music,” it still totally falls into that mockumentary TV category. 

It opens with the introduction to the documentary, narrated by Tom in a super unnaturally deep voice with a little reverb slapped on there for dramatic effect: “First, there was The Alan Twitty Project... Then, there was The Louis Stevens Experience... The coming together of these two musical forces begat the supergroup The Twitty-Stevens Connection! ...But the band broke up temporarily when bassist Artie Ryan’s mom made him take pottery lessons.” 

Tragic.

Tom introduces himself as “Thomas Gribalski: Rockumentary Filmmaker.” Wow, he’s wasting no time loading up his IMDb page. You document one Junior High band and it’s all uphill from there. He goes on to explain that when The Twitty-Stevens Connection got back together, Louis Stevens asked him to capture those “little moments” for them to look back on once the band becomes “rich and famous.” But, of course, no road to stardom is without its bumps. 

I wanna know how Tom, a 14-year-old, got this swanky studio to record in...

It cuts to band rehearsal in the Stevens basement where they’re jamming to “Crazy” from the Battle of the Bands episode!! Everything’s fine until the band randomly stops playing in the middle of the song and Louis goes off on a never-ending drum solo that he refers to as “a groove.” It always bothered me how the music just… stops. Why did everyone but Louis decide to stop playing for seemingly no reason?! Whoever was in charge of audio here couldn’t be bothered to make it sound more organic lol. It’s really weird and abrupt. Sorry for the nitpicking there. 

I love how Tom got that shot of a messy hamper in the foreground. It really amps up the grittiness. 

It’s pretty great how Louis subtly changed roles from the band’s manager to the band’s drummer. For once, this was an arc in Season 3 that actually aired in the correct order. In Episode 2, Louis became interested in playing the drums and was gifted a drumset. In Episode 4 he started taking lessons, and here in Episode 5, he’s officially the drummer of the band. Shia is playing for real here as well! So that’s very cool. 

While Louis is drumming his lil heart out during his self-indulgent extended solo, it cuts to shots of everyone killing time and I love it. 

Tom, lol. 

Ren eventually rips the drumsticks out of Louis’ hands and the two start arguing. Tawny reminds them that they promised to get along if the band got back together. Just then, we hear that shrill, annoying and unmistakeable voice chime in: “Can I say something?” The camera searches around until it lands on Beans just chilling there like he owns the place. Oh my god. 

Louis: “Where is he? BEANS! HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?!?!” -- Why is that mockumentary style sooo funny though?! The shaky camera looking around and zooming in is what makes this.

I seriously wish every episode was filmed this way. But honestly, just getting this liiiittle glimpse into what a mockumentary version of Even Stevens might’ve been like is enough to make me feel #blessed. If a reboot ever happened, I’d definitely looove to see it reborn à la Modern Family for at least an arc or one special season. I know the gimmick is a little outplayed at this point but I mean, the Stevens are an eccentric enough family for a documentary crew to follow! Am I wrong?! All of the flagship American mock-doc shows have already ended or are ending soon. The door’s open for a new one. Just sayin’. 

It cuts to Louis ranting about Beans in the first interview portion or “talking head” of the documentary. This is the greatest thing. Holy crap. He says: “Beans is like that policeman in Terminator 2, you know who I’m talking about? I swear, he goes liquid! He can fit through cracks in windows... under doors... through little keyholes!!” And right on cue, Beans appears outta thin air -- “I’m hungry. Let’s get a sandwich!” Again, the camera work makes this 10x funnier and Shia’s face is just too good: 

Note: “Terminator 2″ is yet another completely solid reference to make! 

Something I’d like to point out before I forget: While reviewing the series, I couldn't help but notice that the show could be even funnier if there was no background music all the time. (I tested that theory with this edit and was proven correct, tbh.) If you pay attention.. you'll notice that there's some sort of background music during almost every scene. Sometimes it works if it's heightening a moment or adding some flavor comedically. But during scenes where there’s just dialogue, I feel like it would be much better with silence -- because 1. It's more raw/realistic, and 2. the performances/writing is already so strong, it doesn't need extra sound clogging the material. And that's one of the reasons why this episode is so great! It's dead silent the entire time except for the Twitty-Stevens songs of course and some transitional music for the documentary. I love it. 

So, yeah. Turns out Beans is a bassist?! He walks over to Artie and tells him “you’re horrible. Read my lips -- take a lesson!” Artie quits on the spot and leaves in a fit of rage (”I don't have to take this! I’M ARTIE RYAN!”). Beans backs up his insult by showing off his sick bass skillz to the gang, immediately earning himself a place in the band as Artie’s replacement. I love how Beans isn’t even touching the neck of the bass at all at one point. Seems legit. 

It cuts to an interview with Artie and it’s so good: “I was thinking about quitting the band anyway. I didn’t like the direction it was going... NOWHERE. Since then, I’ve started my own band. Artie Ryan and the Funky Kats. I had some promotional materials made up!! Tom, you want a free one?!” 

Tom (off-screen): “N.. no, thanks.” 

Also... A frisbee?! LOL. I had to write out that whole Artie quote because it’s the last we hear from him in this episode and Artie is the best.

Next, it cuts to an interview with Twitty who claims that there was a whole new energy after Beans joined the band. It’s hilarious because Beans is this tiny, annoying 8-year-old, yet Twitty’s talking about him as if he’s some amazingly respected bassist who helped take them to the next level. He goes on to say that the ~revitalized spirit~ Beans brought to the table motivated everyone to work on new material... Including Louis & Ren, who teamed up to write a song together!! Ahh! It shows us the two of them writing out the skeleton of “Another Perfect Day.” I always laughed at how they’re not just writing lyrics like most middle schoolers would do... Nah. They’ve whipped out the staff paper and suddenly know music theory like it’s nothing. They’re literally transcribing their ideas by ear. I’m a Berklee grad and I still struggle like hell with theory. 

Donnie happens to walk by and notices that his brother and sister are getting along for the first time, like, ever... and calls for Steve and Eileen to come quick and bear witness to it themselves!! 

This show throws in some great little lines here and there that are easy to miss sometimes. When Steve and Eileen come running, Steve shouts “Donnie! Hang in there! You still have 5 minutes left on that hot oil treatment!!” thinking Donnie desperately needed help with his hair. HAHA! I never paid attention to that until recently. We get interviews with Donnie as well as Steve and Eileen here. 

Donnie: “It was just... the sweetest thing. I wanted to hug them!! But I didn’t wanna ruin my hair. Wait!!! That sounded stupid. Don’t use that, ok?” 

Gotta love the trophies as a backdrop lol. 

Eileen: “It was amazing! It was as if the music brought them closer together.” 

Steve: “Those were the happiest days of our lives. It was bliss! Sheer bliss!” 

Hey! This is real stuff, though. Never underestimate the power of music!!

One of the funniest things about this episode is that Tom prefaced the documentary by saying the reunion happened a mere TWO WEEKS AGO! These interviews are so extra, as if they’re recalling something that happened years ago when it literally just happened and is fresh in their memories. It’s great. 

We get a voiceover from Tom elaborating on Steve and Eileen’s sentiments, telling us that Louis and Ren had “reached a new level in their relationship” over corny footage of them casually playing freaking cat’s cradle like a couple’a besties! hahaha. 

At their next rehearsal, the band starts working on “Another Perfect Day.” Once they have it down pretty well, Louis decides that they have a hit on their hands and need to do something big to get the word out. He comes up with the idea to hold a free concert on the school roof. Twitty interjects “Ya know, that’s not a bad idea because The Beatles did a free concert on the roof once!” Tawny adds: “So did U2!” and Louis finishes: “And now... The Twitty-Stevens Connection.” -- As if they’re anywhere near the level of either of those bands and should easily be mentioned in the same breath. That always cracked me up. (Speaking of The Beatles, the title of this episode is supposed to be a play on the Paul McCartney song “Band On The Run.” Or at least, that’s what I’ve always assumed.) Also, take a look at their single art. Amazing. 

Things start to go sour now. Everyone’s on board for the rooftop concert except for Ren. That’s a shocker! She’s totally against the idea. She agrees that free publicity is great as long as you’re not violating any rules. She even double checks with Wexler who confirms that students on the roof is “strictly forbidden.” 

At lunch the next day, Louis is super excited about the concert and giving Twitty and Tawny a rundown of his plans to set everything up. He says they should “get there early. Really early. Like... before school starts early” so they can get all the equipment and set it up on the roof. Another little exchange that’s easy to miss here is between Twitty and Tawny. Twitty says: “Sweet. What if we wore camouflage?” And Tawny sarcastically bites back: “That is a brilliant idea. What if we dressed up as giant metal vents to blend in with the roof decor!” HAHAHA. I’m just imagining that in my head right now and all I can picture is them looking like Eric Matthews dressed as a couch. Oh, yeah. They’ll blend in, no problem. 

When Ren starts approaching their lunch table, Louis invites her over yelling “Hey, sis!!” Awww. Since we all know that Ren is practically Vice Principal, he asks her for help and advice on how to get up to the roof and such. But then it does a hard cut to Tom:

This needed to be gif’d. 

Ren starts blabbing about how they’re forbidden to step foot on the roof and that she got a permit to perform in a public park instead, but Louis cuts her off before she can ramble any further: “Ren. You’re chickening out.” Ren protests and insists that she’s not a chicken and is just being smart about the situation, but Louis ain’t having it and explodes: “JIMINY H. CRICKETS THE THIRD JR., REN!!! We’re not robbing a bank or anything!! We’re singing on the roof!!!"-- I love this so much. He tells her to take a risk for once in her life. But, Ren being Ren, decides that she doesn’t want to get in trouble and essentially quits the band. As Ren storms away from them, Louis stands his ground and shouts at the top of his lungs: 

Possibly the single most-quoted quote of the entire series. Actually iconic. I have this quote on my Facebook, it's my © footer quote on this very website, people have used this quote in their high school yearbooks. Yeah. It’s a big deal. Plus, it’s a pretty great quote to live by if you think about it tbh. 

Ren leaving the band was only the beginning of their downfall. I love this photo the ‘documentary’ uses to illustrate the in-fighting lol. 

There’s super melodramatic music with an ~emotional~ guitar lick playing here. It always gets stuck in my head. I’m humming it right now. As hilarious as the music is, it actually does make me feel a little upset... 

And just like the ending of an America’s Next Top Model episode, Ren disappears from this photo of the band: 

At home that evening, an instrumental knock-off of “Kiss Me” starts playing in the background of the doc while Ren contemplates the meaning of life. Tom does a voiceover saying that Ren’s decision to leave the band would lead her down a path to “self-discovery.”

She ends up having a heart-to-heart with Eileen about why she’s so reluctant to take risks. We get a glimpse into Ren’s childhood with “home video” showing her being a total caution freak at her 8th birthday party. She ate a single potato chip so she waits an extra 20 minutes before going into the kiddie pool with her friends. I’d like to point out that Young Ren is played by Alexa Nikolas, who would later go on to be a regular on Nickelodeon's Zoey 101. 

Eileen assures Ren that she’ll find something worth taking a risk for someday and go for it!

CUT TO THE DAY OF THE CONCERT! Ren’s decision to leave the band causes everyone else to rethink the rooftop performance as well. Twitty decides to back out because he has one too many detentions already and can’t afford another. His initial poor attempt at an excuse plays out in the most hilarious way possible. (”TWITTY, I WROTE THAT NOTE FOR YOU LAST WEEK!”) Tawny just agrees with Ren. She decides it’s not a good idea and peaces out. And lastly, Beans calls at the eleventh hour and says he can’t make it because he has a hamster cage stuck on his head -- which amazingly, is not a lie. In the end, Louis is the last one standing. Or as Tom says, “A man without a band.” 

At lunch, the sound of someone drumming starts to fill the air, leaving everyone confused for a minute. It’s Louis, of course. He’s up there drumming away and singing his background vocals alone and fully intends to perform the whole song that way. His determination to continue with the concert as the lone remaining member of the band is so admirable and badass honestly. It really shows how bold he can be and how he’ll always try to see his ideas through. Not only does this highlight Louis’ fearlessness, it also leads to an amazing moment for Ren as a character. As everyone runs to get a view of Louis, Ren starts remembering what Eileen told her. She slowly realizes that this could be her chance to seize the moment. 

One by one -- Twitty, Tawny, and Beans join Louis up on the roof! They pick up their instruments and jump right in, each one building and building on the song. All leading up to Ren being the last one to finally run up there as the final piece of the puzzle! It’s a cheesy and predictable climax, but it’s still amazing. Seeing Ren take a chance like that always makes me emotional, not gonna lie. You can FEEL the happiness radiating off of everyone here. It makes me beam every time. 

This gives me legitimate goosebumps. God. Watch this and tell me it isn’t freaking epic and CLASSIC. The final interviews paired with that tasteful background music always tugs at my heartstrings, too. 

The gang ends up facing the consequences of their stunt and are punished by Wexler putting them on trash pickup duty. ^ That ending (seen in the video) is probably my favorite Louis/Ren bit ever. Seeing them both secretly admit to the camera that they had a great time together just warms my heart. I love how they say the same exact thing at one point too: “Don’t tell her/him I said that” lol. It’s so simple but so effective and really sums up their relationship. Two siblings who are always at odds, but at the end of the day, they’re family and have that unconditional sib love whether they want to admit it or not. I love the little slideshow of photos from the rooftop gig to wrap everything up. 

...and the very last frame of the episode is this picture of THE GREATEST DISNEY CHANNEL SIBLINGS OF ALL TIME and it’s so precious. This photo is so genuine. You can tell it captured more of Shia and Christy than Louis and Ren. It's just so nice:

I would have this framed and hanging in my house somewhere if I were them. Wow! Also... What could possibly be a better final shot for the episode that’s concluding my specific project?! Tell me. I’ll wait. 

And that’s it.

This is one of those ~special fun plot~ episodes, but it’s not super wacky or zany. Like most of the schemes Louis pulls, they somehow manage to make it seem like a couple of middle schoolers could successfully put on a school rooftop performance like this irl. There’s super solid humor, great dialogue, some incredible character moments and plenty of heart to top it all off! It ends on such a satisfying and happy high note. And even though I prefer Comedian Louis over Musician Louis, this episode is just too damn fun for me to care. It sort of benefits from the “Influenza” effect. If you add a song to an episode, odds are it’ll automatically make it that much more memorable. The only difference between this episode and “Influenza” is that it has a lot more going for it story-wise. 

This episode has everything for me. The way it's filmed is unique to every other episode in the series. The humor is extra dry and a little different for the show here, but still feels very distinctly Even Stevens and stays true to what we love about the show. This episode includes practically every major character, too! Let’s round up everyone who makes an appearance here: Louis, Ren, Twitty, Tawny, Tom, Beans, Steve, Eileen, Donnie, Coach Tugnut, Principal Wexler, and even Artie Ryan! My only complaint is that Larry and Ruby should’ve made appearances. Like, just a little scene of Larry taunting Ren about not having the guts to go up on the roof or something would’ve been cool.

Just adding some extra photos from the episode to break up this sea of text.

This is the only episode other than the finale that actually manages to make me shed a tear. But the tear this episode squeezes outta me has more meaning behind it imo. In the finale, I’m pretty much solely crying over the resolution to the Louis/Tawny saga and the fact that it’s the last episode of the series. Here, I’m crying over the pure relationship between brother and sister (the root of the show) as well as the gang’s friendship. No other episode gets me in my feelings like that across the board. It honestly feels like a finale in its own right and I can’t think of a better one to wrap up this countdown with. 

Is this the best episode of Even Stevens? You tell me. Is it one of the most memorable, iconic, hilarious, unique, and feel-good episodes of Even Stevens? Absolutely. Is there even a way to determine what episode is "objectively" or scientifically proven to be the best? lol who knows! If there's anything this whole project has taught me, it's that perhaps this show is just so good, there simply is no "best" episode. In which case, this whole blog has been a complete waste of time. 

SIDE NOTE: It was brought to my attention that this episode shares similarities to a Saved By The Bell episode titled “Rockumentary.” While the overall outline is pretty dead on (the rise, fall, and rise again of a garage band) the actual episodes themselves are extremely different. Annnnd Even Stevens did it better. No surprises there. So, WHO CARES?!

Aside from this being my personal favorite episode of the series and meeting my ranking requirements, I have a few little bonus stats to back up my decision to deem "Band on the Roof" worthy of the top spot:

It's the highest rated episode of the entire series on TV.com, boasting a 9.6, which I wasn’t aware of until a few days ago and was honestly surprised.

Back in 2003, while the show was still popular/on-air, some fans held a march madness style poll for the Best Episode of All Time and "Band on the Roof" was the winner.

This episode has popped up on various nostalgia articles as one of the greatest in the series. One of my favorites is by a published author and screenwriter in the biz who also ranked it #1 on her Top 7 favorite episodes of Even Stevens list. [article] 

In the comments of this episode on YouTube, (which I probably should’ve saved before Disney recently deleted the video... ugh) the general viewer consensus was that it's a widely beloved episode and one of the greatest/solidly written/most memorable. Easily Top 3 or Top 5 in the opinion of others.

I've gotten quite a few comments across the socials for the blog from readers asking about where this episode will be ranked and/or simply randomly stating that ‘Band on the Roof’ is the greatest and iconic.

Basically, there is massive love for this episode. No matter what, there’s a good chance you'll consistently see this one mentioned as one of the best or at least in someone's personal favorites -- Myself included. Obviously, me being a musician and loving the mockumentary style/drier humor here has contributed tremendously to my favoritism -- but the general fan love and praise, mixed with the actual solid content of the episode, makes me feel like ranking it #1 is justified. As objective as I tried to be throughout this process -- I created Even Stevens Ranked to get some personal thoughts and opinions out of my system. Well, that, and to do my best to highlight how fantastic this show is. Please remember, at the end of the day, this is my list. So. :)

Now that I’ve finished the project, I’m honestly quite satisfied with the outcome here. Not only am I so unbelievably proud that I actually saw this thing through to the very end -- I feel like my Top 10, in particular, (or the Top 25 on a larger scale) is the most solid crop of episodes I could’ve ever come up with. I think they all include nice and important moments for all of the characters, some of the strongest humor, and capture the spirit of the show the best. They’re objectively pretty darn good ones to subject a newbie to if ya ask me! 

This project was extremely difficult. It was time-consuming and stressful, but it was also such a blast and only solidified Even Stevens as my favorite show of all time in my heart even more than it already was. When I started, I always knew that “Band on the Roof” would be #1, “In Ren We Trust” would be dead last, and “Influenza” would be #15, but other than that I made countless changes to the list as I went on. The closer I got to the end, I was worried that I’d look back and hate my list, but I’m so relieved to feel very confident in my final decisions and reasons for those decisions. If there’s anything I’d change, it’d probably be to rank “Stevens Manor” sliiiightly higher. But still, I don’t even wanna say that because I have no real problem with placing it at #17. It’s not a bad slot. As I’ve said many times, anything in the Top 25 is pretty much top notch to me.

So... What else is there to say? Here we are. 65 episodes down. 0 to go. The entire series ranked and reviewed. Mission accomplished. From the moment I posted my very first review, I always hoped I’d make it to this point but for whatever reason, I never thought I actually would. I talked about this a little bit when I hit my one-year milestone. Milestones like that are what kept me going, though. Even the littlest ones. I’ll seriously never forget when I completed 5 reviews and hit #59! It felt like the greatest accomplishment ever. And so on and so forth...

For years, I felt like I was some weird, lone fan of this show. I thought that maybe 5, 10 people tops, would care enough to read this blog. I am shocked at the decent following Even Stevens Ranked has garnered over the last two years across Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and right here on Tumblr. My strange urge to rank and review every episode of this fantastic show has somehow turned into a ~community~ that is 1k+ strong if you combine all four social accounts. That is staggering. Meeting other fans of the show through this blog has been so, so awesome and I plan on keeping Even Stevens Ranked alive because of that. I can’t just leave it behind. I have some cool ideas moving forward, including a pending podcast. :D

I can’t thank you enough if you’ve actually bothered to read even just one of my reviews and found it the least bit interesting. We went on this weird little journey together. So thank you! Truly.

I’ve completed what I initially set out to do, but you can definitely expect a bonus video review for a change of The Even Stevens Movie sometime in the near future. I mean, how could I do a project like this and NOT discuss the big finale film?! 

Just a reminder that there’s a Twitty-Stevens Connection design up on Redbubble! Available in black text and white text. 

Thank you sooo much for reading. You know the drill! Please, journey into the Disqus comment section below if you’re so inclined. I’d love to hear any of YOUR thoughts now that this crazy project is complete. Ahh.

- Brittany

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[dailyaudiobible]

01/17/2018 DAB Transcript

Genesis 35:1-36:43, Matthew 12:1-21, Psalms 15:1-5, Proverbs 3:21-26

Today is the 17th day of January. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I'm Brian. It is my pleasure, and a true honor to be here with you today. And I say that because, if you didn't show up, what would be the point. I could just read this to myself, silently. So, I’m thankful and grateful that we have this time together to take the next step forward as we move our way further into the month of January, but further into the year in the Bible that we’re spending. So, we’re reading from the New Living Translation this week. And today we’ll read Genesis chapter 35 and chapter 36.

Commentary:

Okay. So, Jesus has himself in a bit of hot water with the Pharisees. And it's kind of unfolding exactly like Jesus was telling His disciples when He sent them out. Jesus is going out into the countryside and doing good, doing God's work, announcing the kingdom, and even demonstrating the effects of the kingdom. But in the process of doing all of that He’s also, in some ways, breaking with tradition. And He's also being suspected of blasphemy, which is a capital offense. They think He's doing this because He's announcing that He can forgive sins. But He's breaking with other traditions as well. And in today's reading we see that He's breaking tradition with the Sabbath. So, His disciples were walking through a field and they're getting some grain and there eating the grain and this is work. This is what the religious establishment has decided is work. And, so, they’re breaking the Sabbath. And Jesus defends this by simply opening the Scriptures to them. But then He's put in a situation where He may heal on the Sabbath and this has also been determined to be work. And, so He does heal this man's hand after He opens the Scriptures again and shows, like, He's showing them why He's doing what He's doing. He’s reinterpreting the tradition that they have been bound to. He's bringing light and life and health and healing, and all that's happening is that they're getting mad because He did it on the Sabbath. And Jesus declares Himself Lord over the Sabbath. And they decide then, in response, to try to figure out a way to kill Him, which invites us to consider our response when God begins to move counterintuitively in our lives, in a way that breaks with our tradition, in a way that we may not understand. Do we go back to the box and say oh well, God can't or would not be involved in that, because that does, that just works against my little tidy box of understanding? When we think about it in those terms, we understand just how much like the Pharisees we can become. But why do we do that? I mean, why do we protect the box? It's because we don't want to get it wrong, like we’re actually coming from a good place. We don't want to get it wrong. And, so, the question becomes, well, what does a person look like who's getting it right? What does that look like?

Thankfully, we have the writings of the ancient King David in Psalm chapter 15 today, where we get that definition. Who may worship in Your sanctuary, Lord? Who may enter Your presence on Your holy hill? Right? What does the person who is getting this right look like? We have an answer. Those who lead blameless lives and do what is right, speaking the truth from sincere hearts. Those who refuse to gossip or harm their neighbors or speak evil of their friends. Those who despise flagrant sinners in honor of the faithful followers of the Lord and keep their promises, even when it hurts. Those who lend money without charging interest. Right? In other words, those who don't take advantage. And those who cannot be bribed to lie about the innocent. Such people will stand firm forever.

Prayer:

Father, we invite You into this. We can see clearly that You will shake us up and disrupt us in whatever way that You want to in Your word and cause us to think more deeply about things that we had set in concrete. And, so, that's disruptive in and of itself because it makes us ask questions that we weren't anticipating. And this is good. And we invite You into all of it. We invite You to churn inside of us, bringing up things inside of us, reframing what we think that we know, because we can't know You by knowing about You and we can't know You by following recipes or traditions. We can only know You by knowing You. And we see in the Psalms what that looks like. So, we invite you into these things. Come, Holy Spirit, draw us ever closer in relationship to You. We ask in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website, its home base, its where you find out what's going on around here.

I've been mentioning for a couple of days now, looking forward to February 7th. That is three weeks from today. And I'll be speaking in Bakersfield California at New Life Church and I hope you can come, especially if you're in the area. So, this will be on a Wednesday night. And you can get all the details at dailyaudiobible.com in the Events section -  websites, phone numbers, times, maps, all that kind of stuff. So, check that out. Hope to see you there.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible in the mission that we share in common, to bring God's spoken word to whoever will listen to it, wherever they might be on planet earth, whatever time zone, or whatever time it might be. The global campfire is always burning. There is always someone listening…you can never listen alone. You might be by yourself and you might feel that way, but you can't listen to the Daily Audio Bible at a time when someone else isn't. So, if that mission resonates with you, then thank you for your partnership. There’s a link on the homepage of dailyaudiobible.com. If you're using the app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or comment, 877-942-4253 is the number to dial.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi. This is Gloria in New York. It is January 12th, Friday. And…I’m actually…I just heard a message, I don’t think you left your name, but I really appreciated the message. A thick British accent, very nice, about being backed in a corner and just God just wanting us to trust Him to get us out. And thank you for that prayer and that message. I am going back to Nevada on Monday. My mom has gotten worse. I wanted to give everyone an update because I know that there are people who are praying and I ask you to continue to pray. The reason I want to keep updating on the situations - my brother, my brother, my husband, and that pending divorce. Everything is so in limbo. Like everything, everything is in limbo. I wanted to give the update because I feel like when something breaks that we can rejoice together, like when you guys call up and give praise reports. It’s just…it’s so nice. It’s interesting when you’re listening to the podcast, it’s like you’re, oh, that was good, and then, awe, you know, you’re just...we’re going through all of our motions together as a family, everybody out there across the world. But anyway, I feel like, you know, it’s so bad right now. Tying this altogether, the message that you left, young lady, it was, yeah, I don’t know what I’m going do, I’m still so lost in all this legal stuff with my mom and she’s really not doing well. I’ve got a trust God with everything. But I feel like something…just…something has to break on some end soon, because I can’t break. So, yeah, just please continue to pray for us, for my family. Thank you. God bless you all.

All is well. I am Daniel and I share this prayer with all of my brothers and sisters listening. Father, we praise You and thank You for our Daily Audio Bible family and all those You bring onto our paths that You have already made best for us. All according to Your purpose. Father, thank You for making each one of us a masterpiece, one-of-a-kind by Your hand. Father, You have us at the right place at the right time according to Your perfect will, not our will, in Your timetable, Father, not our timetable. You are the living word and we give praise to You living inside of us. In all ways, we seek You this moment. Thank You Father that You said we are vessels, a vessel of gold used in Your highest purpose. Praise You for shaping making and molding us into the example of whose we are, a child of the most high God and You are our Father. We pray to the everlasting God. Father, You said, we have made in Your image. You said to us in Your word, I am that I am. We are blessed indeed. Father, You said, I shall lend to not borrow, that all things work together for good to those who love You for those who are called according to Your purpose, and that the wonders shall not cease, and that You will not, will not, will not fail us. Father we thank You for this day and all the long days You have promised according to Your perfect will. We are fully armored moving forward on the path You have made best for us, overflowing with the promise of Your word, more than enough abundant good, more than we can think and imagine already on our path, moving forward Father preparing us to reach that point You have in place on our paths, lifting us higher, fulfilling our purpose, reaching the destiny You framed our lives in, while we choose Your perfect will, not our will, glorifying Your name and furthering Your kingdom. In Jesus name. Amen.

Hi my Daily Audio Bible family. It’s God’s Girl in East Texas. I was listening to the January 13th podcast and a lady called in requesting prayer for her son who committed suicide on December 10th. And I just thought, oh my gosh, you know, there’s just so much pain in this life and our God, our God is there with us. I was married to a minister at one time and he nearly strangled me to death and he used to beat me a lot and then get in the pulpit and preach. I’m not telling you that for pity, but if I could write a book my book would be entitled ‘No Fear.’ And God has brought me oh mighty long way. I’m the lady with the son who’s had 7 brain surgeries. Why do these things happen? You know, God has the answers. All we can do is pray. And that’s what I do for each of you. My heart goes out to you ma’am, the lady whose son took his life. And I don’t know, I don’t have the answers, but Jesus does. And when we’re going through these things…we seem…we feel so isolated and alone, but were not. It’s just that lie of the enemy trying to make us feel like nobody cares. And Eunice, Eunice, are you’re listening to me honey, I am praying for you, I rebuke cancer in the name of Jesus. I love my Daily Audio Bible family. The Lord bless each and every one of you, and remember that Jesus is as close as the mention of His name. Take care and happy new year guys. Okay. I love you. Bye-bye.

Hi. My name is Sherry. I’m from Colorado. There’s so much going on in my mind and in my life right now. I am on a 10 day fast and it seems like the devil is just purely attacking everything, my thoughts. I work a job as a social worker that has been challenging. I am into the 24th year of my career and it is so difficult to display love and to let my life shine as a child of God, because it seems like I’m just daily, being attacked daily, when I walk into that door until sometimes I just feel like I don’t even want to go. And I pray to God all the time, in March 2019 to please release me from his job, because I can’t do it anymore. It is affected by health and each time I get up I’m thinking of how much I don’t want to go to that job. So I just ask for prayer and guidance. I ask for clarity during my fast. This is my first time I’ve done a 10 day fast. So, it is a struggle, but I know that God is able and I know that I am able to get through this with his help. It’s 2 o’clock in the morning and I can’t sleep. And, so, I know when you can sleep it’s time to talk to God. Daily Audio Bible this is my first time calling and I feel such relief. I listen to the prayers all the time. I have made a commitment that this time, the third time, I will try and listen to the whole thing. I often fall behind and miss out all the way to Revelation, but I’m determined this year. Love you all. Bye.

Hello Daily Audio Bible family. This is John calling from Bethlehem Pennsylvania. It is the 13th of January, and I just got through listening to this day’s program. I wanted to call in to say hi to Vicki, who called in and left a prayer request for her family, Vicki, over the tragic death of your son, who took his life back on December 10th. Family let’s pray together for Vicki. Father God, we ask You to provide comfort and strength and healing during this time of excruciating pain and grief for Vicki and her family, Father God. Lord God we ask You to have mercy on her sons soul, who took his life Father God. These are things that we just can’t get our arms around Father and we just can understand but we have complete faith and we have complete trust in You. We trust You father God. In everything that we do we ask you to bring strength and courage and peace to Vicki and her family and all those impacted by this tragedy, Father God. We ask you to bring this community together in love around Vicki, so that she knows that this family is there for her in her time of need and that we will be there for her as we continue. Father God, help her to grow in faith and to be strong in this and to keep looking at You Jesus. We ask this in your mighty and precious name. Amen.

[itispossibleihaveissues]

Another Perfect Catastrophe -6

AUTHOR: Mikimoo PAIRING: JayDick RATING: Mature

WARNINGS: Non Consensual drug use, Non Consensual touching, Non Consensual kissing, humour, slight mayhem

SUMMARY: Dick goes undercover as himself in order to catch a gang of international thieves. Jason reluctantly tags along as his long suffering bodyguard. During the ensuing mayhem they get to know each other again and build a few bridges.

Thank you to burkesl17 for the beta!

Notes: An embarrassingly long time ago, the amazing and very, very talented Pentapus invited me to do a reverse bang style exchange, and drew me an amazing prompt. I have no idea how this story was the one that emerged from the many options I had, but such is the creative process I guess! Anyhoo, many thanks to Pentapus for both encouragement and patience, and of course the incredible art! (which will be included at the end of the appropriate chapter)

Chapters: 1, 2, 3 4 5

GO HERE FOR THE AMAZING ART BY THE AWESOME PENTAPUS!

Of course, then it all went to shit.

Jason stared at the little dart. Fired by one of those high-tech tranq guns, clearly one he hadn't found and disabled. He didn't know how long the drug took to make you a dopey over-friendly mess, but he suspected it wasn't going to be enough time to get them both to safety.

Fuck this, fuck these people.

He had to give it his best shot though, the embarrassment of being killed by these jerks would haunt him all the way back to the afterlife.

He focused on controlling his breathing in an attempt to slow the passage of the drug though his system, it wasn't much but he was hoping it would gain him a little extra time. He could hear Dick breathing, even and relaxed somewhere to his right, it was calming and helped him steady himself.

Jason felt along the walls by the door, looking for a switch. His fingers felt cheap plastic and with a quick prayer that the electrics were working he flicked the lights on. The dusty bulb flickered to life with the buzz of poor wiring. Jason counted his blessings and took stock of what the cellar had to offer. It was big and dirty, full of chairs and old furniture rather than bottles.

“Dick, help move this in front of the door,” he said, gesturing to the biggest thing he could see that might be draggable.

Dick nodded and started tugging the old wooden chest without question. Jason debated helping, but decided that the exertion would just make the drug affect him faster. He could already feel changes in his system, they didn't have much time left for him to be making sensible decisions. He left Dick to it and had a quick poke around. He found the door that hopefully led to the smugglers’ cave, but it was locked and rusted shut. It was going to be a bitch to get through it, especially while keeping his heart rate down.

Thankfully, Jason was pretty damn good at breaking and entering, having learnt way before being trained by Bruce. He just needed a few tools and a bit of time.

As he worked on the door he was vaguely aware that Dick was still piling crap in front of the entrance hatch. Apparently one of the effects of the drug was suggestibility, it made sense to help get the victim’s bank details and pacify them for the assaults that came after. Jason shuddered remembering Garner's hands on Dick's skin and the way he had looked at them both. He was glad he had killed the fucker.

Jason was feeling distinctly floaty by the time he got the door open, and there was banging on the hatch that Dick had barricaded. Definitely time to go. But first he had a last hunt through the piles of junk, looking for something he could write with. He hit pay dirt with not only a slightly cracked ballpoint pen but also a pad of paper. He wrote himself a short note in big letters, hoping it would be enough to remind him to get away and not do anything too stupid.

“Come on, Dickie, let’s run for it,” he said, heading into the dark tunnel.

Dick trotted along behind him, still oddly passive, while Jason shuddered his way through the drug hitting his system in waves of shivery pleasure. Everything seemed more, it was better somehow. There was no light, but his eyes provided spinning colours though the darkness and the feel of the slightly slimy wall under his fingers shot sensation through his hands. Even the damp, salty smell of the rocks and sand felt amazing when he breathed it. Dick had been right, this shit was fucking nice.

When they emerged at the beach it was almost dark, but the clear sky and last vestige of the setting sun gave them just enough light to see by. It was beautiful; not the white sand and blue sea Dick had been hoping for, but a collection of rocks and a swirling, brown-grey maelstrom of waves and flecks of sea foam.

Dick whooped and ran straight for it, leaping about in the wild surf in his expensive leather shoes. Jason watched him indulgently. He wondered why it had taken him so long to realise how lovely Dick was, he had always thought he was hot, obviously, and always kind of wanted to hit that, but he had never let himself look further than his good looks. It was a damn shame, because there was clearly a lot more to see.

He sat down in the wet sand, enjoying the cold as it soaked through his pants, sending little sparks up to his brain and making him shiver pleasantly. He could sit here for days, watching Dick play in the sea and enjoying the feeling of the breeze on his face and the chill water beginning to lap at his ankles.

His neck was kind of itchy though, but when he went to scratch it, he discovered he was holding a bit of scrunched up paper. It was all crinkly and Jason liked the way it sounded when he waved it around, which he did for a while, until he noticed there was writing on it.

 You are on drugs, bad guys are after you, keep running or they will kill you and Dick and every thing will suck.

Love, Jason

 Oh no.

Jason did not want the bad guys to kill them, especially now he knew how nice Dick was, so he wobbled to his feet and staggered further into the sea to make a grab for him, he missed the first time and nearly fell over, but he caught hold of his cold, slippery arm in his second attempt.

“Dickie, we gotta go,” he said, his voice sounded funny, slow and sticky like molasses.

“Where?” Dick asked, his hair was wet and his face was full of trust and joy.

Jason grabbed him and pulled him close, he wanted to see if he could suck the expression from his skin. When he tried he could just taste the salt of the sea. It was good, and he licked the water off Dick's lips. He found it was warmed from the heat of him, Dick gasped and pulled him in, kissing him hungrily. Jason melted into the sensation as little sparks of brightness and shivers kicked off in his brain. The warmth from Dick's body was so good with the cold of the water moving around his knees.

This was so awesome.

When he brought his hands up to try and bring Dick even closer, he noticed something in his fingers – a bit of paper.

The note! He was on drugs and bad guys wanted to kill them. “We have to go!” he said, as Dick's cool fingers found their way under his shirt.

“Kissing’s more fun.”

Jason was inclined to agree, but Dick would be a lot less fun to kiss if he was dead, and whoever wrote the note seemed very sure of themselves – presumably it was himself or another man called Jason. It was a pretty common name.

But anyway, getting killed was a terrible plan, so.

“Kiss after running,” he managed.

“More than kissing, I want to fuck you.”

Jason almost allowed himself to get distracted by that. “After running,” he said, stubbornly.

“Or you could do me. I like both.”

“Running,” Jason insisted, although his resolve was wavering. The image of pushing Dick down on the sand and then fucking into the heat of his body made the sparks shoot through him with such force he wobbled slightly, his knees suddenly weak. He probably would have just given into temptation if Dick hadn't taken that moment to capitulate.

He leaned away from Jason, taking the warm with him. “Where?” he asked and gestured widely before staggering a few steps deeper into the sea.

He had a point. The choices were back in the tunnel, climb the cliff or swim around the cove and hope for the best. “Um,” Jason said. The note seemed to assume he would have a more sensible option. “We could swim?” he offered at last.

Dick looked at him, looked at the dark water in front of them and shrugged, “Okay,” he said brightly and started stripping off his shoes and socks.

Jason looked down at his boots. They were his favourite, he had customised them himself, filled them with pouches and sheaths. He didn't want to leave them behind on this beach, he didn't want to leave his jacket or his pants either. But he also didn't want to drown.

He took off his boots, and after a moment of contemplation, his socks. Then he waded out into the sea. He could feel the water sucking him down, and came to the conclusion he was far too heavy to swim, so he sloshed himself back to the shore with long slow strides. He really didn't want to give up his jacket, so he took off his pants and tried again. Nope, leather and body armor was just too much. So he hauled himself back up the beach for a third time, to leave the whole lot sadly by the tunnel entrance. As he blinked back hot tears that felt like fireworks on his skin, he realised he could hear angry voices and noise echoing down the dark entrance way. He turned to see how Dick was doing. Much better it seemed, he was down to his shorts and already wading out.

When he saw Jason watching, he waved. “Which way?” he called, a note of happiness in his voice.

Jason immediately forgot his sadness and splashed his way into the cold water. Dick had asked an important question and he shivered in the chill as he squinted out at the dark water. “To the right?” he suggested at last, it was marginally brighter, maybe from the lights of civilisation. Maybe there would be a bar there, they could get a drink. Maybe go dancing.

Once again, Dick seemed happy to go with his idea and immediately launched himself in that direction. Jason followed, trying to stop the shivers of pleasure as the cool tug of the water set of more sparks on his skin.

 They swam for in indeterminable length of time, it was easy at first but soon he started to feel a bit stiff and heavy, the cold and the current seemed to be dragging him down. He tried to lift his head from the waves to see Dick but there was sea water in his eyes, it seemed wrong that the stinging felt good. There was a sudden fear in him, that he had no idea of his own reality, and without it he might drown, and what was worse: he might enjoy it. His chest suddenly felt tight and he sucked in the cold salty water spluttering as some less drugged up part of his brain told him that was a terrible idea.

Then there were hot, cold fingers on his skin, and Dick's voice loud above the crashing of the sea. “It's alright, Jay, I've got you.”

He sounded different, clearer, like he knew what he was doing and wouldn't let Jason drown in this strangely enticing water. Maybe his drugs were wearing off. Jason felt sad for him, the drugs were amazing.

“I can see the beach, Jay, it’s not far,” Dick said, and he tugged at Jason's hand, encouraging him forward. 

Jason swam.

[seenashwrite]

Nash’s 200th Follower Celebration Challenge!

Get your spy gear ready. 

We’re gonna take inspiration from Archer, y’all. 

I haven’t personally seen this used in a challenge [at least in my circle]. It is so full of potential, from snark to sexy times to knock-your-socks-off shock. Even if you aren’t familiar with the source, the prompts are so very tasty, I can’t imagine each & every writer won’t find at least ONE to gobble up.

*** 120 Prompts!  So just one writer apiece ***     ---> YOU KNOW WHAT?? SCREW IT!  Send me THREE!!!!

But! There’s a challenging bonus at the bottom [#121] with NO LIMIT TO THE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE WHO WANT TO TRY IT! 

I’d recommend just a “scene” versus an entire fic, or tack it on to your actual entry in a weird prologue or epilogue, something of that ilk. It’s nuts. I’m not overselling the nuttiness, here. Weave some magic. EXAMPLE

Full guidelines at the bottom.

THE ONES THAT TOTALLY COULDA BEEN IN AN SPN EPISODE:

1. "Team Live Badass"? That's the best you could come up with?

2. Oh, I thought we were laughing at the dead people we set on fire. @wrenwritesometimes

3. AHHHH! The dust! It's like being shot in the eyes by a glitter gun!

4. Oh, you don't look like a whore... an idiot, maybe? Or both! Yes!      A whore-diot!  @jalove-wecallhimdean

5. --- What is this herpes business?     --- Bad joke... and a false alarm. @itswitchcraft-not-googlemaps

6. Wanna try yanking on the pipe?

7. You ass, for the love of all that's green, take me and the rabbit to the lettuce store!   @wrenwritesometimes

8. Eat a buffet of dicks.  @hannahindie 

9. --- And now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go kill some evil clowns.     --- [long awkward pause]      --- Do you have an erection?

10. You're just gonna leave him with a grenade stuck up his ass? 

11. It would be rude not to eat her pie, which I assume is not only hot, but also moist... although hopefully not flaky. 

12. Nothing can make up for almost killing me over a briefcase of what I can only assume is either plutonium or a human soul.

13. Oh don't worry. He may be a vain, selfish, lying, and quite possibly alcoholic man-whore, but gambling is one vice he doesn't have.  @fanforfanatic

14. I want it on record that I think this is a terrible plan.  

15. They say the devil's in the details... and silk pajamas.

SNARK-A-PALOOZA:

16. All I've had today is, like, six gummy bears and some scotch.  @wrenwritesometimes

17. For I am a sinner in the hands of an angry God. Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now and at the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen. @butiaintgonnaloveem

18. --- Every single time we come here, we have to help you get rid of a dead body.       --- Well, you've only been here twice.  @senselesssamii 

19. Swear to god, you people make me want to pump nerve gas through the vents.  @impalaimagining

20. Why is your instinctive response to run toward explosions?  @impandagrl

21. On second thought, I very much prefer to be taken alive. Just let me clear the ol' browser history aaaand...

22. Is it murder if they were my own clones? I'm seriously asking.  @littlegreenplasticsoldier

23. I've always wanted to fight on top of a moving train. @amanda-teaches

24. I've never seen an ocelot! You guys, look at its little spots! Look at its tufted ears!

25. If this doesn't work, we just paid a hundred bucks for liquid fart.

26. Oh my god - I'm gonna die in a toilet stall, just like the gypsy woman said!

27. I swear, if you throw that computer on the floor one more time, you’ll wake up in a mental ward with total amnesia under someone else’s name!  @idreamofhazel

28. You just killed, like, ten pirates.

29. -- Grilled cheese.       -- What?       -- Grill me a cheese.       -- I'm not grilling you a cheese.   ME!

30. The Russians turned me into the unholy abomination of metal fused with flesh that now stands before you.

31. --- I swear, if anyone saw me in this awful van...       --- How could they, with this illegal-ass window tint? Dude, this van is like, rolling probable cause.

32. Not really the explosive climax I thought it was gonna be.

33. There's a zoo here?

34. What in the name of pre-paid venereal disease do you think you're doing?!

35. Are you not rampaging? I thought you were rampaging.  ---> AVAILABLE AGAIN!!!!

36. Hundred people surveyed, number one answer's still on the board: Name the douchebag who's in charge!  @roxy-davenport

37. Why would you think it's okay to share that?

38. You do realize there's a finite supply of Vaseline in the universe.

39. --- So then it's settled. We're a-go on Operation... what should we call it?       --- Dick Sledge.

40.  I saved her life! Go ask that dick I set on fire!

41. You want me to take a baby to a murder?  @impalaimagining

42. You do realize you're in huge trouble - and now I have to spend my first Friday off in forever devising some bizarre punishment for you?  ---> AVAILABLE AGAIN!

43. Have you no sense of decency? That bathroom’s like a… a war crime.

44. Hey, you awake? ‘Cause this is about to get weird. @klaineaholic

45. That's disgusting - if I wanted to look at your bare feet, I'd sneak in and do it while you were asleep.

46. Better pill up - you're assisting with the surgery.

47. --- Frickin' head's poundin', I'm sweatin' booze and my mouth's killin' me!       --- You're the one who stuffed four pool balls in it. 

48. Holy shit, you geeks are badass.   @uselessace

49. You're ruining your life, you idiot! And making it hard to drop a deuce.

50. Right, because you walked into Strippers’ Discount Warehouse and said, “Help me showcase my intellect".   @butiaintgonnaloveem

51. I've had good results with Ether.

52. Hey, will you choke me a little bit?  @littlegreenplasticsoldier

53. That stolen lemur bit one of your prostitutes right in the face and she says she can't go to the hospital because she's, quote, "tripping balls”.

54. --- Jeez, you're still taping bum fights?!       --- No, now I'm into something... darker.

55. That is my foot in your face - smell the embarrassment.

56. Oh! And, uh, by the way, try not to be unconscious for too long - it's super bad for you.  @withstarryeyes

57. Both of you imagine shutting up!   @uselessace

58. Idiots doing idiot things, because they’re idiots.

59.  --- Please tell me that's a smoke grenade.        --- Okay... it's not, though.  ----> AVAILABLE AGAIN!!!!!  :)

60. Sorry - I was picturing Whore Island.  @kayteonline

61. Somebody smells like they ate the ass-end out of a northbound cow.

62. I don't know... sometimes I think I'd like to adopt a little baby... so I could abandon it at a mall.

63. Well, he died doing what he loved - getting shot. @withstarryeyes 

64. Baby, I was emotionally shattered - which turns out to be kind of a panty-dropper.  @hannahindie

65. Now what am I going to spread on my toast? Your tears?

66. Sorry, that’s just a, uh, sympathy boner. @pinknerdpanda

67. Holy shit! Yogurt is amazing! Why have I never tried yogurt?!   @littlegreenplasticsoldier

68. Seriously, call Kenny Loggins - 'cause you're in the DANGER ZONE.  @kayteonline

69. I’m afraid the lemur got into the pudding cups.

70. I'm sorry, are you addressing me? Because your authority is not recognized in Fort Kickass.  @kittenofdoomage

71. Does internet porn know you're cheating on it?  @klaineaholic

72. No, it's too dirty - it's full of whatever alligators shit out, which I can only assume is people.

73. Oh my god! What shade is that? Crack whore red?!

74. Man, if I don't get some spaghetti and meatballs, I may literally die.

75. You used-panty vending sons of bitches!

76. Thank you both for all that you did do which, again, was nothing. @pinknerdpanda

77.  Damn, dog! That’s inappropes! 

78. If a single one of these has left the building, I will personally sew you into a canvas bag full of rats and throw that bag into the river.  @littlegreenplasticsoldier

79. Who do I have to murder around here to get this damn thing to make some ice?  ----> AVAILABLE AGAIN!!!!  :)

80. I'm sorry, what's that? I can't hear you over the sound of my deafening awesomeness.  @amanda-teaches

81. Don’t try to body-shame me, dog tits.

82. Is it just me, or does it smell like finger?

83. Ahahaha, man, you never rent a mule - ya lease that surly bastard.

84. When we first started going out, I may have... injected a tracking device into your body.  @fanforfanatic

85. And I don't want another one of your sullen whores using my medicine cabinet like a Pez dispenser.

86. Because I've been lying in scorpion piss for two hours in the sun-blasted shit-hole which is Texas, waiting for a stupid truck.

87. If I cared about what you do on the weekend, I'd stick a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger with my toes.  ME!

88. Punk-ass bitches!  ----> AVAILABLE AGAIN!!!! :)

89. And instead of doing my job, I was here - half-drunk and having amazing sex.

90. Well, no wonder this all went tits-up.

91. Right? And I know it sounds crazy, but I like them as much as cocaine!

92. Next time, remind me to get shot in the head.  ME!

93. You were the one yapping your head off about my damn teacup pig!

94. Who wants their ass beat first? And before you decide, keep in mind that I'm gradually going to get more tired, but also gradually more Berserker.

95. So you're not planning to blindfold me and hide me in a bomb shelter with limited oxygen and send my family cryptic notes about how to find me in a race against time for my life?

DEFINITELY CLASSY:

96. Who are you supposed to be, Topper Bottoms? Stern yet sensual skipper of the U.S.S. Rough Service?

97. You better pray to god it wasn't you who hit me. Because whoever it was hits like a little bitch of a girl, who was born with some kind of bitch of a birth defect, so that instead of a fist, she just has this tiny bitch of a nubbin.

98. I don't care! Having said that, would you please come into this dirty toilet stall and have sex with me?

99. Because you - prolapsed rectum that you are - are infatuated with her, whose cobwebby old snooch, by the way, I can smell from here!   @butiaintgonnaloveem

100. --- The thought of me dying gives you an erection?         --- Just half of one - the other half would have missed you. @kayteonline

101. I swear to god, you could drown a toddler in my panties right now. ME!

102. Stop - my penis can only get so erect. ME!

103. Can you not rub your dick in my mother's pantyhose, please?

104. --- Oh my god! You killed a hooker!          --- Call girl! She was a----          --- No, when they're dead, they're just hookers!

105. Vincent Van Go-fuck-yourself. 

106. Okay, we're off to get our scrotums waxed!  

107. --- Well, maybe you're lame!         --- Maybe you should shut your dick holster.

108. You’re a large-diameter dickhole.

109. First, see if he wants a beej...

110.  Water? Oh, never touched the stuff. Fish fuck in it. @kayteonline

111. --- Oh god, it tastes worse than it smells!         --- Man, if I had a nickel for every time I heard a guy say that. 

112. Who, me?! No! No, I've been up here the whole time, having some phone sex! Just jackin' it, on the telephone.  @fandommaniacx

113. I am literally wet with jealousy. @klaineaholic

114. Why does this chair have no seat... and WHAT IS IN HIS ASS?!  And unless it was the creepy-old-people-bondage-sex police, why would anyone break in here and shoot him?!

115. Because I have sex with actual women! My girlfriend's not equal parts the internet, a tube of Kentucky jelly, self-loathing, and a sock.  @hannahindie

116. And what part of your job, exactly, is groping my ass?  @wideawakeandwriting

117. --- Maybe you should've thought about that before you blew it!         --- I blew jack shit!         --- Name-dropper.

118. After this, I am going to go home, watch NCIS, and masturbate until my fingers bleed.   @itswitchcraft-not-googlemaps

119. --- Was that before or after you got caught fondling a teenager?        --- Well, obviously before - after, it was all French Armed Forces and dick stitches.

120. You can't put a price on good pussy.   @wideawakeandwriting

AND IF YOU ARE UP TO THE CHALLENGE:

121.   No no no no - Like, a big, sweaty fireman carries you out of a burning building, lays you on the sidewalk and you think – Yeah, okay, he's gonna give me mouth-to-mouth – but instead he just starts choking the shit out of you, and the last sensation that you feel before you die is he’s squeezing your throat so hard that a big wet blob of drool drips off his teeth, and just –  flurp – falls right onto your popped-out eyeball.

Bravery incarnate(s):  @kittenofdoomage  @fanforfanatic   @uselessace   @butiaintgonnaloveem

1. Supernatural only, please-and-thank-you [adjacent is fine, too - such as having O.C.s carry the bulk of the dialogue weight because we’re seeing the story through their eyes while, say, being hunters working with S & D or Jody & Donna or whatever your heart desires]

2. Pick your faves & any back-ups [and if you’re gonna take a run at #121] ---> shoot ‘em to me at DEAR NASH & I’ll hit you back with a confirmation 

3. Write & post your thing ---> don’t forget to tag me somewhere & use this in your first handful of tags: #Nash200

4. Have it in between June 11th - June 17th [about 6 weeks from original posting]  ---> TAKE TIL JULY!  SOUND GOOD????  ;)

5. Definitely Do: the “theme” you are most comfortable with / feel you write the best / have the most fun on - these prompts lend themselves to snark and/or sexy times, but lord knows y’all angst-devotees will find a way [that’s fine, too!]

6. Hard Pass: dom/sub; “kinks”; alpha/beta/omega; Wincest/any incest; real person fic [no Jensen/Jared/Misha/etc.]

7. Length can be anywhere from haiku to vignette to... well, keep it around the max length that you’d want to read if it were your challenge, ‘k? And don’t you dare spend more than a weekend on it - if it becomes laborious for you, holler at me, we’ll find you another prompt or you can drop out, no worries.

PS:  If you wanna stick Archer characters into the mix? Bring. It. On.

PPS: Walls of text & bulk of text not behind “read more” = An Unhappy Nash + An Unhappy Dash

P3S: And because it’s my party, if Dean is in your story and he calls someone “Sweetheart” ? If it isn’t in a jerk-face, patronizing manner, I’m gonna foam at the mouth

THANK YOU for coming along with me on this ever-evolving funtastic SPN fandom ride! -Nash.

[twelvesignsrp]

congratulations tabi, cancer is now samuel wade with the faceclaim neels visser

APPLICATION

   Character Sign: Cancer

   Character name: Samuel Wade

   Birthday: 7/7/1997

   Sexuality: bisexual                                                                                        

   Gender: male

   Moon Sign: Pisces Moon – he’s someone who needs fantasy, compassion, escape, and creative outlets more than anything else in the world. he can go a little stir-crazy at times, which is why it’s important for him to have security as well, but he can be extremely hard to pin down and read when he gets into one of his darker moods. sometimes he feels he is best left on his own, even though he wishes he could connect better, but he knows he needs to figure out how to navigate his own soul before he can really reach out to others around him. he is and will always be drawn to artistic, sensual and spiritual pursuits.

   Faceclaim: Neels Visser

   Power: future illustration – it’s not so much any sort of clear image that splashes itself across his mind and forces him to recreate it on any surface available, it’s more like some sort of gut feeling, almost unnoticeable sometimes until he’s practically finished with it. the urge to draw or paint something is as familiar and ingrained in him as the need to breath or his body’s need for blood from his heart—it’s something stuck just beneath the layers of his skin, and he doesn’t even think about it until he looks down and realizes he’s drawn something that ends up coming true a little while later. he does it without thinking most of the time, but then there are a few dark midnights, sleepless nights when the kaleidoscope mess tries to seep out through his fingertips, the drive to create something much stronger than his need to sleep. the talent for art has always been there inside of him, the magic just decided to adhere itself to that.

   What do they study? Art Appreciation

   Biography:

rule 1: schizophrenia is hereditary.

you wouldn’t think that to look at Marie Mason though, as she smiles and walks slowly down the aisle to marry the man who has stolen her heart and all her inhibitions and reservations about love. they’ve thrown themselves into this wedding, adored each other endlessly, despite the family secret she keeps from him, hoping on every star in the sky and any god in heaven that somehow, maybe the curse will pass her by unaffected. maybe their love is stronger than her genetics, maybe his kiss will break the evil spell, the ticking time-bomb on her mind. and after all, doesn’t everyone deserve a happy, fairytale ending? the Beatles sang “all you need is love” and they both agree wholeheartedly, because this feels absolute between the two of them. there is nothing that can get in the way of their union.

rule 2: love is not stronger than madness.

no one bears the brunt of her mental decay as much as her first-born son Samuel, especially in the first seven years of his life. he learns to run quickly, hide perfectly, play games that make no sense and have no rules. he has to think on his feet, tell stories without endings, anything he can do to please her, to help her, to make her love him—or at least remind her that she once did love him. it comes and goes sometimes, and he suffers in school for it, despite how much money his father pours into his education.

what father doesn’t seem to understand is that, yes, she does have many good, long stretches of sanity, weeks when she is fine, she is stable, she is operational, and Samuel enjoys these times because that’s when their family love dynamic actually feels real. but those times never really last long enough, they are just the minute gasps for breaths the universe takes before exploding again. his mother and his little brother, younger by three years, and him can all go to the park and have picnics, and he doesn’t have to think about how Jacob is already a better reader than he is. Jacob is better at a lot of things, but Samuel’s sheer amount of personality ensures his place as older brother. he can also draw better than anyone else in his class, but no one is as much a fan of his work as Jacob is, and Samuel is sure that nothing in the world can break the two of them apart.

that’s why when the doctors finally come and take their mother away while she is screaming and thrashing around, like a demon straight out of hell, Samuel holds onto Jacob’s hand tight enough that neither of them have to notice that their father can’t even look at them. Samuel is terrified that one day he’ll grow up to be as cold and distant as that man, but he’s even more scared about his mother’s genetic lotto win taking root in him.

rule 3: nothing in this world is in your control.

caution: contents are hot. he lets himself ride the waves of adolescence, boiling over with too much freezer-burn chemicals. like a sunflower, he is all brightness on the outer rim, the edges of him oozing glamour and laughter and just enough coyness to keep others interested, but in the center is dark, dark inflorescence, drying and dying out in the sun. he can feel himself changing as puberty takes over, shifting him into the kind of boy who stares at other people too long and lets himself fall into chaos too quickly. he falls in love too hard and lets it drive him to the edge of his mental cliff time and time again, because maybe if he gets used to it out here, it won’t be so bad when he finally tumbles down off it. he lives his life in fear of madness, which gives him a bit of wild freedom, but mostly just makes him want to cave in on himself.

his turmoil breathes life into the only part of him left that’s still beating; drawing and painting. he spends hours on it, creates everything from abstract memories of dreams to landscapes and fruits. it’s an incredibly forgiving art, but nothing about that sentiment lets him sleep a full night through, unburdened by nightmares.

his father comes to him one day after he’s turned eighteen and tells him he expects good grading scores from his high school so that he can enroll in a well-accredited university next fall—a university that has already been picked out for him. Samuel hadn’t intended to go to college, actually, because he wanted to start selling his art as soon as possible, but he doesn’t have the means or support system around him to venture off on his own, the way he wishes he did. he’s too easily persuaded to attend, but he manages to hold his own when it comes to which classes to choose. his father wants him to become a doctor, and follow in his footsteps of becoming a surgeon. for that entire summer, he starts bringing his oldest son to his hospital with him, making him watch the surgeries sometimes, hoping that the drive to cut people open and fix them will somehow seep into Samuel via osmosis. it’s total hell to the eighteen-year-old, and it doesn’t convince him to change his college schedule at all.

rule 4: with great power comes great responsibility.

not very far into his experience at durham, things begin to change. at first, he thinks “this is it, i’m finally losing it,” when he sees the exact same car-wreck scene on the news as what he had drawn earlier that morning. he thinks maybe it’s a coincidence, maybe a fluke, maybe some kind of déjà vu. he sets the picture on fire and smokes a cigarette as he watches it burn, his heart pounding in his chest, the fear like freezing fingers wrapping around his lungs, suffocating him. it’s not long though before it happens again, and again, and again—the things he draws becoming real somehow, and he begins to worry whether he’s drawing the future or creating it through his drawings.

it takes about a month or two, after he really starts taking action based on the paintings and drawings, that he realizes he is shaping only one version of the future, and that by simply knowing about it and doing something with that knowledge, it can be changed; which is a huge relief. so he starts acting on his abilities, working to fix whatever seems wrong, warn whoever he needs to, avoid the pitfalls he can see coming. he very rarely anymore draws the things he wants to, but it’s okay because this is more important anyway, and his skills at detail and coloring are getting better, sharper, clearer.

but with each new picture he puts his whole soul into, he feels it leave him just a little bit more. it’s a well-known fact that talent and survival cannot exist harmoniously inside one body; eventually something has to give. nothing is stronger than madness, he controls nothing in this world.

and schizophrenia is hereditary.

   Five interesting facts about your character:

I. he has grown up with a mild form of dyslexia, making him very uncomfortable reading things. he struggled through it all throughout high school, oftentimes bullshitting his way through tests and literature classes. whenever he was called upon to read something from the books, he would always play it off as something silly, like making up the words and story as he went, often getting in minor bits of trouble for it. whenever it was really important that he learn the material, he just looked up youtube videos for it. he still needs to do that sometimes. II. he calls his little brother Jacob every week, just to check up on him. he hates being so far away from his brother, really the only member of his family that he ever connected with. his brother looks up to him a lot, even though Sam has no idea why anyone would. III. he lives off of a steady diet of ramen and code-red mountain dew. he knows he should eat better, but he’s too young to care about health food and he’s been blessed with a fantastic metabolism. plus, he doesn’t know how to cook and he can’t be bothered to learn. IV. he does work out though, whenever he can, and even though his choice of exorcise is boxing mostly, he wishes he could get more into martial arts, like taekwondo or jujitsu. V. secretly loves super nerdy stuff, like anime and comic books, but he tries his best to keep all that under wraps, stuffed into the bottom of one of his pants drawers, because he is scared of what people will think of him if they knew. he wants to be chill, not looked at like he’s crazy.

   Character Quote:

“lie with me under

the sweeping sky that

forgets us

there is no other kind of death

destroy me if you must.”

–inkskinned.tumblr.com

   If your character had a patronus what would it be? and why? his patronus is a dapple-grey stallion. it means his passion for the things he loves is hard to beat, he becomes very involved in his friends, family, hobbies and studies. he can be very sensitive and emotional, getting hurt easily and often feeling melancholy for very little reason. however, this emotional enlightenment allows him to understand others and empathize extremely well, while also being very creative and intelligent.

WRITING SAMPLE

Samuel stared at the lines on the wooden door in front of him, his eyes wide but unmoving– stagnant just like the rest of his entire body. he was supposed to be moving, supposed to be a man of action by now, like he had told himself countless times to be. he’d spent the better part of the morning looking into a mirror, practicing the lines he was about to say, going over what sounds best, the exact type of words to formulate, anything that didn’t sound creepy or desperate. he wanted to be one of those guys who were able to just go after whatever they want, no hesitation, no overthinking.

but he wasn’t. he wasn’t a man of action, he wasn’t a man of anything– he was just standing here in front of his classmate’s door like an idiot, completely immobile because his nervousness had rooted him to her welcome mat. he was supposed to knock on the door ten minutes ago. he should have already gotten this done and over with by now but instead he couldn’t stop staring at the lines in the door and thinking about how heartbroken he was going to be as soon as she rejected him.

she had no idea how hard he’d been working up the courage to do this. how long he’d spent practicing his tone of voice or his smile. he wanted everything to be perfect and if he messed this up…. he might never have forgiven himself. he had already messed up so many other relationships and lost so many opportunities with her already this semester. he wanted to move forward. he wanted to show her how much he liked her.

he slowly inhaled a breath, lifting his fist up to knock on the door, but he couldn’t make contact. maybe he could do this next week. there would still be a next week, right? there was always next week– next month– next year. except what if she moved away or dropped out of school? what if she got a boyfriend? and then he’d have to see them together in the hallways, think about how she liked to be kissed, think about whether she was being treated well enough. he was not keen on this idea.

but knocking on this door was about as easy as fitting his whole arm into his mouth. how did other people seem to do this so damn easily? he always saw it in movies and things, guys being assertive and girls being spunky but accepting. things always worked out in movies though, whereas real life was often messier, especially in those first few steps of a relationship.

relationship? maybe he shouldn’t have been thinking about that word just yet—it was still pretty early. he hadn’t even managed to ask her out yet. hadn’t even knocked on the goddamn door. he huffed again, the nervous fluttering and pounding in his chest only getting worse.

he lifted his fist up again, an inch or two away, when the door suddenly opened and there she was, a bag of trash in her hand, and there he was, his arm raised like an idiot. “i…! oh..! hi..” his palms immediately started sweating as panic set in and his fight-or-flight instinct started telling him to turn and run. his feet however, were still painfully glued to this spot. “i, uh… i was just about to knock… on your door….” he slowly lowered his hand, feeling like a deer in the headlights. “obviously.”

[buffystylez-blog]

Unaired Pilot - FOR REAL

It’s still Buffy’s birthday, so there’s another gift in store for Slayerettes:

THE UNAIRED BUFFY PILOT IS ON YOUTUBE.

Link is here.

So I thought I’d try a more tradish style recap. Get ready for some low quality screenshots!

Also there is a disclaimer that the episode is not for broadcast because the music used was not cleared. I don’t think they could afford it at the time.

Could do with a shirt.

It’s very similar to the opening of the first episode in that a young boy and girl break into Sunnydale High School after hours and just when you think the boy is going to take advantage of the girl, the girl is a vampire and kills him real good. Pretty sure it’s a different actor. For the guy. Not Darla. That’s definitely still Julie Benz.

It’s a substantially different costume for Darla. This is the first time I’ll wonder if the actors styled themselves. I love the brogues. Darla was wearing these waaaaay before they were cool. Perhaps she killed a Charleston dancer and then waited until 1994 to kill a girl for her dress.

Will this unrealistic stage set return? Probably!

I almost think the vampire make-up is better in this than the first season.

This was probably done by an intern. I hope it was. Because if it were it was definitely free.

Who could it be wearing these cute high heel canvas shoes? I had these. I loved them. Chunky heels for all.

It’s Buffy Summers! Or Bunny, as Principal Flutie keeps calling her. She is more peppy, which I will discuss in more detail later. Or soon. And you should bloody see who played Flutie in the pilot.

STEPHEN TOBOLOWSKY. If you’re unfamiliar with this gentleman, give this a go.

Let’s talk about Buffy’s school outfit. She’s in a miniskirt and top combo with a short-sleeve button up over the top. It’s... ok. It’s more casual. Everyone is more casual in the pilot. This outfit speaks to the perkier Buffy. She’s walking a line between LA Buffy and post-season premiere Buffy. I think this is the vibe Whedon wanted for the film. It... did not translate. For reasons beyond Whedon’s control, I would wager. It both works and does not work, for reasons I will probably go into.

The outfit is cute. It lacks the polish that sets her a little apart from her schoolmates in Welcome to the Hellmouth. I do prefer her hair here, I think. It’s been straightened. Or more likely blow-dried straight.

Before straighteners, blowdrying curly or wavy hair straight was a mission. I remember a how-to in Dolly or Cosmo or Girlfriend or Cleo. It involved sectioning your hair in four bits, and juggling a big round brush and hairdryer. Like the hairdressers do really well and I do very badly. Is she sans fringe? I think she’s sans fringe.

New Willow. Who dis?

Now this does make the ‘softer side of Sears’ burn make a LOT more sense. Obviously they decided to replace this actress. It may have been because they sensed Alyson Hannigan’s ability to wear wacky colours and textures. This actress is ok. But she doesn’t really fit the dynamics of the Scooby Gang that well. As you’ll see, the friend chemistry between these versions of Buffy and Xander are much more interesting than Xander or Willow, or even Willow and Buffy.

Cordelia’s outfit here is soooooo much better. Charisma Carpenter is so beautiful. She’s the perfect antagonist for Buffy’s high school life - making Homecoming in season 3 feel like a long time coming. Blonde versus Brunette, city girl versus Queen Bee. They’re very evenly matched. I want this cropped shirt. 

Though you can’t see her too clearly, the girl on the right is Nicole Bilderback, aka Whitney from Bring It On. She’s also the girl who wants to sleep with someone to get back at a boyfriend in Can’t Hardly Wait. Girl played supporting teen girl parts for a while in the 1990s. And of course that’s Harmony. This show kept a lot of its supporting cast from the pilot, which is nice.

Buffy meets Xander who directs her to the library, and she leaves behind her stake. The library is of course the place this tall drink of hot tea is waiting for her.

As in Welcome to the Hellmouth he produces that creepy book and Buffy wigs and leaves. Giles is confused as hell.

Better shot of Buffy and Willow’s outfit. There’s some nice banter here. This pilot shows of Whedon’s skill with comedic dialogue much better than the film. Some of it is even more lol than Welcome to the Hellmouth or the Harvest.

Buffy is swept away by Cordelia’s gang and just awkwardly leaves Willow. Doesn’t really establish much of a rapport between Will and B.

Xander catches up to Buffy to return her stake and together they identify the relevant social groups at Sunnydale. It’s probably my favourite scene.

I keep forgetting Xander has a skateboard. God, I hate skateboards.

Aphrodesia and whoever discover Darla’s last meal. Willow and Cordelia break the news to Buffy, but in my opinion in this exchange Buffy’s not weird enough for Cordelia to begin to doubt inviting her into her version of the Plastics.

As in Welcome to the Hellmouth Buffy checks the body for bite marks and confronts Giles, revealing her status as The Chosen One to all other patrons of the library. I guess both Buffy and Giles assume that teens don’t use libraries. And to be fair it is just Xander. I LOVED the library as a teen. I was cool. NO I WAS.

The layout is different and allows Buffy to jump off the stairs instead of use them. Because Giles uses the stairs and we discover how fucking awkward spiral staircases are. My favourite Spiral Staircase is the Kings of Leon song.

Did they keep the skylight?

The Bronze! With little to no discussion! But look at this little morsel saved for later:

There’s a line about their prowess in this episode I could swear Oz uses in season 2. Whedon and his writers are good at saving their gold. Like leprechauns?

Here’s Buffy in another outfit!

She’s already wearing practical footwear for slaying. Miley bless this creature. Is this Jonathan? The quality is so low.

Can’t tell.

I’m so sorry SMG. I did not realise how bad this screenshot was for you. Hair is high ponytail. Always up for slayage. It’s curled, which is fun. Depending on where you grew up these little strands at the front may have been called ‘slut straps.’

Jacket is... PVC? It’s... I probably would have liked it.

Again, Xander and Buffy already seem like great friends. Willow is again inconsequential, almost. As in Welcome to the Hellmouth, Willow is in danger. And where is she in danger? You guessed it, the stage for a drama performance constructed by no teen drama club I’ve ever seen.

He looks like if James Marsters was the lead singer of an 80s New Wave band.

Is that such a bad thing? Probably is for Willow.

He may also be a character from a Bret Easton Ellis novel. So he obviously has a lot of respect for women.

Buffy is wearing a shiny shirt and what appears to be a PVC jacket. It’s not a good combo. Neither is the purse. It looks like a lunch bag. 

I would also like to point out that Xander is much better dressed here than in the series.

After a very slow run toward the villain she delivers this wonderful high kick.

Darla is back! Along with a vampire who looks like he was murdered while audtioning for a role as Gaston in Beauty and the Best.

Buffy fights some vampires and Willow and Xander help a bit. Hooray!

FYInformaysh this is how the vampires die in the pilot. Slowly.

So slowly.

This is Willow and Xander helping. They burned Darla to death, I think. Not sure.

Everyone looks flawless here. Not a lot of stretchy fabric going on, but still items I would definitely want.

They’re discussing how weird Buffy, Willow and Xander are.

Get it? Get it? Vampires. Art Imitating Life or whatever.

Apart from talking to a teacher and actually enjoying it they look cool as hell. Not sure what Cordy etc are talking about.

The hair is excellent. I had this shirt about ten years ago or similar. It’s purple and white and I wore it to a festival and almost instantly regretted it. Should’ve just stuck with the black dress and Chuck Taylors. Not all vintage is cool or wearable, guys.

She’s wearing almost the same thing as the day before - miniskirt, sneakers, t-shirts, button up shirt as jacket. I like the shirt from the first outfit better. But I might like the skirt better?

I definitely would have worn this. Actually, I did. I had a Roxy (or was it just Billabong?) dark blue corduroy miniskirt that I wore with a blue camouflage patterned t-shirt. I remember wearing it on a trip to Gunnedah to visit my grandfather on my mum’s side of the family. I would wear one of his flat caps with it. He would let me wear it but wouldn’t let me keep it. And then he would give me other stuff, like all of these vintage ties he owned so I could make a skirt out of them. I didn’t end up doing that, but I still have them all. I’ll never get rid of them.

Gunnedah, NSW, is also the hometown of Miranda Kerr and Erica Baxter. I do not know either young lady. But once Miranda Kerr laughed at my nephew. He had ice cream on his face. He was a toddler at the time. That was a fun story.

Sarah Michelle Gellar is so cute. Always was, always will be. She’s already the fun, peppy Buffy that will take a little longer to bring out in the series proper. She is so perfectly cast as Buffy.

That seemed like a long way away. That was incredibly dangerous. Why would she do that? Buffy is very careless when it comes to her stakes.

And that’s it! Comes in at a respectable 25 minutes and some change. The smaller run time means it’s much more about establishing Buffy as a slayer and the fun element of the premise. No Angel, so no love interest at this stage. Though I wonder if Xander and Buffy’s easy chemistry was meant to take a romantic turn?

They would rewrite it, make it longer, introduce the Big Bad, and Angel. They would also throw in the genius play of making the first two episodes a two-parter. And they would kill off a character that seemed meant to be a regular - it was a pretty good twist. They also introduce similar things from the pilot in a maybe more organic way. For example, in Welcome to the Hellmouth Buffy sneaks into the girls locker room to check the body. In this, she just flat out asks the Principal if she can. AND HE LETS HER.

Buffy’s realisation she will be doomed to being an outcast if she accepts her Slayer duties is much more expertly handled in Welcome to the Hellmouth. It’s like the pilot episode of Sherlock compared to the first episode - the extra time gives them room to breathe. They don’t have to fly through introducing characters and setting up the premise of the first series.

It’s a lot of fun, and there’s some trademark Whedon dialogue, but I daresay if this pilot had been broadcast the show may not have lasted. This plays like a fun high school sitcom with some supernatural elements. I feel like it might be trying to replicate the silly ‘monster of the week’ vibe of the film. And Whedon seems to have decided quite quickly that the series would be a different beast, so to speak. I think the slight change of direction was the best decision. Instead of a Buffy picking up almost where she left off, he introduces some real world consequences for her actions in LA instead. 

It is her first day in a new school after being kicked out of school and packed off to a small town with her newly divorced mother, after all. She’s hoping to start fresh but soon learns she can’t. The entire series really examines the idea that it’s fucking hard to grow up and accept responsibility and though you can mostly handle it with grace and humour sometimes there’ll be days you just can’t. Growing up is hard and Buffy always learns this the hard way. It’s ‘with great power comes great responsibility’ but with more vampires. And great hair.

And what if Buffy had never worn those brown leather knee high boots? I don’t even want to think about a Buffy the Vampire Slayer without them.

Happy birthday, B. You’ll always be one of my personal heroes. You got me through some stuff, you know.

Coming up next on the blog, a rarity: I’ll praise Xander’s wardrobe.

Until next time, Slayerettes.

[idolizerp]

[ LOADING INFORMATION ON IMPERIAL’S MAIN DANCE, LEAD RAP JUNSEO…. ]

DETAILS

CURRENT AGE: 24 DEBUT AGE: 19 TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 15  SKILL POINTS: 00 VOCAL | 15 DANCE | 10 RAP | 10 PERFORMANCE

INTERVIEW

to be written in ink is to become immortal. is immortality a blessing or curse?

na junseo is the last to sign his contract. committing his loyalty, and life, away to 99 entertainment. and before the ink has time to dry, they dive into the way they plan to market him. they have it figured it out, they said, although he knows it to be a lie because if there is one thing that is known throughout the company, 99 entertainment is anything but organized. but the other members all have their concept, and the company is set on angling them in every direction. sexy, vibrant, cute, sinful. he has to be all that, and more. he thinks it’s a little too much. they swear it’s not enough.

and so it’s taught by steps.

step one. the middle-man.    /    they start off as five. they start off as poizn’s clean up crew. it’s insulting, and it angers him, but he can’t let that show because he has to be the one who brings the group together despite the differences between them. which, watered down, means be the one to fake a close relationship with everyone even though they want to market each of them as a different personality. he is to be the face for the team. not a leader, they warn him, because he can’t be, isn’t, superior than them. but he is the one to go on variety and talk about how they are all a family, exaggerate stories between the members while clinging onto the others. and later, when they become four instead of five, he can’t talk about how he believes loyalty isn’t grey. he can’t talk about how you’re either completely loyal or not loyal at all, how people can’t be loyal when it serves them, and although they’ve all thought about leaving more times than not, how the four were the ones to stick through it. instead, he smiles, one that isn’t nonchalant nor burdened, and says that sometimes family breaks apart but that they remain family with memories and bonds and that they will be taking a hiatus.

step two. the intangible object.    /    it seems to always be imperial versus poizn. both teams, in almost every way, are complete opposites but the comparisons come with being brother groups in the same company. neither group is completely scandal free, but he must be. the concept is easy, they reassure him, na junseo is hot and cold. in the way where fans gush over his wide mouthed grin and girl group dances, but shiver at the way his eyes glare and jaw tightens on hello counselor when he is upset with a story. or in the way where fans blush at his humor and charming ways that lead you to want him as an oppa, but then blush at his on stage persona of sensual eyes, perfect body lines, and precise movements. he has to float between the concept of a boyfriend idol and the bad boy your mother warns you about that you can’t help but want. the truth is, he wouldn’t give a damn either way.

step three. the main dancer.     /     skill is important as an idol. visuals and concepts can be worked out, tweaked with, but skill can’t. to be stamped with the position of main anything creates a load of expectation, and, for him, it’s bad enough to be the only one in the group without a vocal position but he is also the only one in the group with a labeled dance position. it’s not to say the others aren’t dancers, they are, but he is the one they anticipate to know the choreography minutes after it’s taught, even if the choreography is for a song years old and will now only be shown as a comeback a week from the date. he is the one to teach the members the steps, make sure it looks flawless and spotless in time for the comeback. he is the one to go on variety each comeback season to promote the songs killing part in choreography.

he is trapped. doesn’t know the difference between na junseo of imperial and na junseo of incheon.

so, tell him, is immortality a blessing or curse?

BIOGRAPHY

you’re a dreamer boy;

na junseo is born bright eyed and without a sound, a fact his parents will later tell him with proud smiles, and they swear it means his presence was meant to speak louder than words. when asked he will say he was raised in incheon, but, when he thinks of home, he was raised in a family owned restaurant. it wasn’t luxurious by any means but it taught him to appreciate the small things in life, like how his mother always smelled of hotteok when she embraced him or how the roughness of his fathers hands that he held when he crossed the street came from the labor that provided him a hot meal and a home. it also taught him to fight, because he had seen customers throw kimchi-jjigae at his mother and had seen the way she held back his father with whispers of how they couldn’t afford a bad reputation if they wanted to make a comfortable life for their child.

na jae-suk and na jeong-ja wanted their son to be gentle, kind, warm. and he was. in the way he put on performances for his mother after a long day of work, because she the happiness in her heart as her son danced could pick out the tiredness in her bones. or in the way he went around town helping out those older than him, carrying the groceries for the elderly in their apartment complex, babysitting kids for parents who worked two jobs, all with a smile on his face. but he was also vicious, cold, calculating. in the way, that when he is tall enough to hover that one particular customer who always has a complaint over the food yet eats at the restaurant weekly, he harshly tells him to pay double or never show his face again. in the way that he fails to empathize or sympathize at the misfortune of those he believe wronged him or his family.

the bright eyes of a young boy dim as he grows into a teenager and has to watch the grey contrast his parents brown hair, has to watch the wrinkles form, has to watch the sadness in their eyes when he doesn’t dare ask for more than he knows they can provide with a smile on his face and murmurs words of love into their hair.

the bright eyes of a teenager are stilled when he decides to audition for an idol company at the age of fifteen.

full of stars,

he never once had dreams of being an idol. while others attended dance, piano, vocal, and other classes he never would’ve thought about, his training came from his living room. he had natural talent, sure, but it was no where near the level of others and maybe that’s why he was rejected from two other companies before being accepted by 99 entertainment. his parents are confused, mostly because he had never spoken about becoming an idol, but tell him he has their support. he tells them he will work hard. he doesn’t tell them it’s for them, to give them a way out of having to work for the rest of their life to provide for him. he doesn’t tell them that he wants to take care of them.

it was a minefield the first year. suddenly no one smelled of hotteok, but instead smelled of sweat and exhaustion, and no one held his hand, but instead stepped on it. where as before he threaded between the line of being who his parents raised him to be versus the thunder he felt in his bones, he learned that trainee life meant life. he learns to pour himself into becoming whoever they want him to be. he spends sunrise to sunrise practicing dance, allowing it to not only be a part of him but consume him. at seventeen he has a trainee evaluation, it’s neither positive nor negative. it’s honest. that it isn’t enough. from there on, it’s a spiral to be the best.

99 entertainment invites him to join a survival show. he doesn’t listen much to the specifics, finds that he doesn’t care, because all he knows is that it’s a chance to debut and that’s enough for him. it’s been four years since he was awkward steps and trusting. he sees the ugly side of others, but he also shows the monstrous sides of him on the survival show. it’s all or nothing, he thinks. and at some point, he forgets whether he wants to debut for his parents or to prove the point that he can. he’s nineteen when he debuts, bleached blonde hair and joyful jumps as his parents weep over the phone with pride.

& the moon.

he thought the battle was over after debut. that you become a god, that money rolls in, that fame is heaven sent. instead, he’s everything his parents taught him not to be. heartless, fake, power hungry. there are rumors around the company, from trainees who didn’t make it through the survival show, that the show was rigged and that the new group to debut is a cover-up, nobodies. his blood boils. he finds the rumor to hold truth to it. maybe he never finds out whether the show was rigged or not, but he sees the way the company tosses washed down songs toward the group. he curls his fists at the way the company juggles promotions, comebacks, choreography, their well-being and life as if it is a game with no needed outcome. he is stuck. frozen in a group that is a back burner, a plan b. he doesn’t feel the chemistry that the company pushes, that the variety shows praise, and begins to think that he can make a more respected living as an officer, or a medic, or anything that doesn’t require him to erase everything he is to people who wouldn’t care if he dropped down with a sickness or not. he thinks about quitting, leaving behind the five years he’s put.

someone does leave, but it isn’t him. he isn’t phased, in fact he couldn’t care less, when he hears the news he sort of nods, says a quick farewell and goes back to the sets he was lifting at the gym. but then 99 is talking about a hiatus, and imperial is already staring at the walls watching paint dry so he can’t imagine what a hiatus will do to the group. suddenly, all he feels is anger. 99 promises that imperial isn’t over, that they would never let the team disband because they care for them, that it’s only a publicity stunt because they need to at least look as if the team is grieving a brother who is gone but junseo thinks that’s bullshit. he doesn’t trust 99 entertainment with any fiber in his body. if they told him it was raining, he would go outside to check before taking their word for it. but it gives him time to perfect his craft. to come back as not only a main dance, but a lead rapper as well. to knowingly, to himself at least, re-commit to the mess that is 99 entertainment, imperial, and idol life.

na junseo is the middle-man, the intangible object, the main dancer. but he is also the fire, storm, and rage that rests in his chest.