#also no offense but all of their music sounds exactly the fucking same

[puckpocketed]

new babygirl unlocked!! and he has HAIR!!!!!!

[ID: Photo of Los Angeles Kings prospect Aatu Jämsen in his Pelicans uniform. His hair is backlit to almost seem white, and streams out from under his helmet. /. End ID]

oh my GOD!!! new babygirl indeed... its giving barbie its giving goldilocks its giving hair on a my little pony toy... !

Quick notes on Aatu Jämsen. i am quite endeared. he is exactly my type of hockey guy <3

Plays RW! Drafted 2020, round 7, 190th overall. Before signing with the Kings, was playing for the Lahti Pelicans. Bit of a late bloomer, but he's tearing it up lately!! Probably why he got the nod from LA.

Per EP Rinkside, "Players with Jämsen's creativity are a rarity in Liiga. In a league where systems and team-wide strategy are at the forefront, Jämsen stands out with his puck skills and a flair for the dramatic. He's a legitimate dual-threat weapon in the offensive zone, and has also made some slight improvements to his physical game; a necessity if he wants to try to conquer North America next season."

So he's known for being very flashy. Quick, soft hands. Creative. Highlight reel stuff. GOATED on the shootout, apparently always trying crazy dangles in game... I'm SURE this type of prospect will be fine in the LA Kings system (<- lying but hopeful!! aslkdaskjl)

Here he is bullying the shit out of NHL24 champ/youtuber/ex-goalie Eki in the shootout. he yells "KUCHEROV" in triumph at one point after scoring on this guy who (checks notes) laced up skates to play goalie 2 times in the last 4 years - and i think that's so fucking lame and deeply charming.

and I am not surprised at all; he is VERY popular in the Finnish league.

Last month he got into a fight with Tampereen Tappara's Otto Rauhala. VERY unexpected, he's not a fighter at all. Rough google translate from this article, cleaned up a little by me:

Interviewer: What happened there? Jämsen: I don't know. Interviewer: So would you say Rauhala started it? Jämsen: You could say. I didn't appreciate his check in the first period of the game. Nothing more than that."

This is whole exchange is SO funny to me. what happened? he doesn't know. but if he had to say? then that guy fucking started it!!! but that's all <3 LMAO

HE MOONLIGHTS AS A RAP MUSICIAN. HELLO. His stage name is KIDJAM$EN kjlasdkljadlak HELP..,, here is one of his songs set to a short looping montage of Pelicans hockey players.. i think its a playoffs hype song??? I cannot understand a word of it. it DOES bang though!!! He plans to pursue music as a career if hockey doesn't work out. jumping from one risky career to another with no fear honestly go off!!! faith trust and pixie dust <3

everything about him i can dig up is like He's SOO flashy. eccentric. strange creachture. He bleaches his hair to get it that light. he did it to imitate Otto Salin, per this article. The picture is worth a thousand words tbh:

the fucking. LV sweater. the sunglasses. the coy look up at the camera. okay!!! cunt !!! <3

In the same article: he got very serious about nutrition and exercise last season after coming back from a break and getting BLASTED by his coaches for being out of shape. from the sounds of it, this dressing-down triggered his current meteoric rise? He was nawwwt taking his conditioning seriously before this. Since then, he's gained weight and become stronger, and has dedicated himself fully to going pro!

same article again: he's the scion of a hockey family - and god isnt that always the story?? His dad played for the Pelicans. his brothers Juuso and Vili also play hockey. The three have distinct play styles like a cute little set <3 Juuso the goal scorer, Aatu the playmaker, and Vili the GOON!!!

ough MIDDLE CHILD ALERT!!! it all makes SO much sense now....

Due to his flashiness on-ice AND off-ice, he naturally is a lightning rod for criticism. ice hockey is notoriously conservative as a culture and everything about him goes against this. Jams... Jammie... Jammer... idk what to call you BUT. your swag too different your slay too cunty, they're trying to kill you but you wont let them!!!!!

it seems instead of pivoting and making himself more palatable, he's only doubled down. i love and support him for this. if anyone has been on my blog they know i enjoy my guys with big personalities just as much as i love the quiet/underrated ones.

in conclusion, WELCOME TO LA. YOU ARE PERFECT FOR THIS TOWN, GORGEOUS <3

[transzilla]

On modern art

Art isn't really any material thing, it's more like our behavior, our reaction, what we do to make art possible. There's a time and a place for a banana taped to a wall, sure, like on your mom's fridge. When you're taking up space at an art museum and people are pissed because it looks like shit, sure, it's art alright, you made it. So is anything. you can be pretentious and act like they don't get it all you want but art is the participation. Like you're under fire too, if your expression is tasteless and crass you kind of asked for it showing people, you can embrace it or cry about it. If you tried and put effort I'd feel bad and give encouragement but drawing one line over the middle of a canvas... You see the same exact shit everyone else is seeing, you're not fooling anyone putting it in a fancy museum. You're not Michelangelo. So don't pretend like you are.

Michelangelo's David is a fucking rock that looks like a person. So what. I pulled a carrot out of the ground and it had two legs and a dick and nobody cared. People lose their fucking minds because of the skill and dedication that a person put into it, his whole life spent mastering different arts on different materials, banging his head against the wall against rejection because he wanted to impress people. And he did! Love is real! Progress is real! He did it!

There's a time and a place for making shitty art! Shitty art can be respected, it can be understood. We all start out like shit. Nobody should rip you down for making shitty art, maybe you're just doing it for fun, maybe you don't want to be Michelangelo, you're just trying to make it through the day and that's fine. But shitty art shouldn't be honored. Especially, above anything, if the intention is what's shit. If the message is trash, if a piece of shit person made it, the art is trash too, maybe you're trash for enjoying it. Like stop sucking Kubrick's dick, he's not a "twisted genius", he's a misogynist that loves rape scenes. Criticism is necessary here.

Plus, you shouldn't celebrate shitty art for being shit. Like I know all ya'll trans people love folk punk, they all say the same thing, I like it because it's bad, that's the point. How the hell are you going to be so pretentious and gatekeepy over music that you admit is dog shit? Bad music is awesome when you're down to earth and you're making friends and getting better together, observing and celebrating progress and community. You compete in a race where you make the most mediocre music, you're going to win, real fast. Folk punk isn't even bad in a way that's so bad it's really funny, some music I'm impressed because it resembles music but it's so offensive and obnoxious that it really isn't. Nah, it's the same shit over and over cause if it doesn't sound exactly like this it's not folk punk, the same ukelele riff and talking about having anxiety. If you're gonna be an egotistical city boy hipster and act like your shit is so much better because it's mediocre, the first person interested in skill and progress is gonna eat you up like nobody's business.

But hey, at least you're not pretending like you're not mediocre. It's a huge risk trying to find skill and make good art. If you shoot for the moon, and land in a huge pile of shit, it hurts that much more than if you just wanted to jump and play in that pile of shit. Sure, you can embrace shit. Play in it all you want. Maybe eat some of it. But are you really that wrong for wanting to land among the stars?

Our ultimate expression of art is our identities and our ego. We make it all up. The art is the artist, it's also the people observing. So what the hell kind of shit are you going to make?

[forgiveness-in-the-misery]

I don’t know what is happening with Gorillaz anymore in terms of plot but then again they lost me during Plastic Beach, but holy fuck me Humanz was a shitty album and it has only worsened, Cracker Island is so aimless and super short and dull. The villain sucks so much, is she the villain or a lady Murdoc is banging? Or both? Also I would never have guessed the songs are supposed to be about the evil white privilege of hollywood since the songs are all either love songs or about technology being bad. Like every fucking song sounds exactly the same, how are people still hanging in there?

Gorillaz used to way back in the 2000s be such a middle finger to celebrity culture and the industry, but then they so quickly sold out and watered down just making the least offensive challenging music possible.

[alolanroy]

2023 media thread

Blood(originally from twitter)

2023 media thread! Copied over from twitter since it’s getting worse by the day. Scores 0-10 aren’t on the American grading curve, but more like ‘irredeemable bad’ to ‘changed my life’. Most things will be a 6-7 if I liked it. Negative = ironic.

Knives out (6/10) and Glass Onion (8.5/10). I prefer glass onion not only because it was a nice tight watch but also how oddly topical it was. Tate was arrested the day I watched this and Musk is on fire. Hopefully a prelude to more real mystery movies.

Wakfu: I’m grasping at straws for nice things to say. Not really pleasing to watch in French and some of the worst dubbing since gundam Age in the first seasons. The story feels like a pantomime and I question the standards of who recommended it. 1/10

The Rapsittie Street Kids Believe in Santa: this shirt is a cognitohazard to anyone who has used any kind of software. Each frame has so much wrong with it the human mind buckles into maniacal laughter. The grandma is the same VA as savathun. -9/10

Elf bowling: honestly kinda disappointing. Might be funny with some good company. I feel like the character Tom Kenny voices says something offensive but my memory just dumped everything about it. -2/10

Sound and Fury (2019): One of the greatest audio-visual experiences I’ve seen in a while. Not all sections were created equal though. Fucking watch it. I will say no more. 9/10

Lego Star Wars holiday special/summer vacation: Not good in the traditional sense but interesting because they give some of the characterization missing from the sequel trilogy with a dose of kid friendly robot chicken energy. Interesting to me at least. 6/10

Bleach Arancar Arc: Do I regret watching the anime? Yes. I could examine how stretched out this this was even with the filler removed all day. It is DIRE. Any sense of tension was destroyed and if I wasn’t sick I would’ve dipped. 4/10

Kamen Rider Black Sun: on a technical level I appreciate the movie. Good music, sound design, suits and it looked impressive for the budget it must have had. However, this might be the first toku I find actually offensive. No joke, it tries to recall George Floyds murder. Wtf.

Gundam witch from mercury S1: this is exactly what I needed and I’m waiting with baited breath. Nice to see the writing shine where ibo was dull. I’d buy the kits if I could 9/10

Knife or death: a perfect watch over some home cooked hotpot. The combination of gruff and warm hosts gives the show a ‘guys being dudes’ energy in a wholesome way. My only gripe is that as it goes on, it gets less diverse and loses some personality. More weirdos please. 7/10

Star Trek Prodigy: not particularly interesting on an episode by episode basis, but most treks have rough first seasons. Despite being a children’s show it’s more watchable than Picard or Disco, which is a low bar for me. It has trek spirit but it’s not made for me. 5/10

Astro Boy 2009:threw it on while I was cooking. Just as bad as I remember. I have some story boards for this for some reason. I don't know why. Speaking of not knowing why it feels like a 30-minute shows worth of content when it's over. It's strange. 3/10

Six String Samurai: I'd be more into this if the vibes were new to me. Unfortunately, I'm seeing this in 2023, so it reads like a Fallout New Vegas mod. In stark contrast to Astro Boy, this feels like it stretched on for hours and the kid ruined a lot of the cool moments. 3/10

Avatar 2: Not bad. Nothing groundbreaking, but great looking and drew me in for a sequel that was like 15 years late. I can't believe I was actually compelled by some of the characters. Avatar 2 was supposed to be a joke... 7/10

Shin Ultraman: this movie unashamedly embraces the fun Showa era energy like nothing I’ve seen. It’s funny, cool and is clearly a labor of love. It’s episode format makes me yearn for a tv continuation if it can maintain the constricted, but slick production and writing. 9/10

The men who made Ultraman: I get the sense a lot of the stuff in here should be taken with a grain of salt since it’s a dramatization, but man the peak behind the curtains on how creative and dangerous the special effects were then. Even the little things we take for granted 6/10

Vampire Survivors: I think by hitting 40 minutes I can kinda say I’ve ‘beat’ it in a sense even though there’s tons more content, but I need to add it to the list at some point. Good game with deceptively smart design to be a mobile game w/o the predatory garbage. 8/10

Rush Hour 3: Fun enough but I can feel the 2000s reliance on cringe humor and the stink of post 9-11 bigotry begin to set in. I had a few good laughs. 6/10

Loaded weapon 1: An absolute blast with the kind of cast you don’t see anymore. Again, Shatner is underutilized as a comedy actor. My final take: Sight gags are a lost art. 7/10

Spelunker my 2: I don’t really get the appeal of this game. Even with sprint switched off of default, movement felt oversensitive and deaths came only when my character did something I didn’t intend. Maybe I should’ve been on controller but this left a bad taste 3/10

Kill it With Fire: I appreciate smaller concept games like this, but as a recovering arachnophobe, this didn’t invoke as much of a response for me. My SO had a blast though. 5/10

A Few Good Men: Man. 8/10

Magic Lizard: ‘this feels like one of those adhd TikTok’s with an infinite runner game and family guy in the corners’ - @SuperheckDX this thing oscillates between middling slapstick to animal abuse. Genuinely disgusting for a moment (if you know you know) -3/10

SpongeBob in Tehran: enough of the jokes translate but the visual absurdity wears off pretty quick. -6/10

Webtoons I won’t dignify by naming: Trying out random Manhwa that caught my interest was a fun policy for a bit but I’ve been seriously burned. I could tear apart why even the best in the field have issues with long term storytelling due to issues with distribution. Im done 0/10

Puss in Boots the Last Wish: Being overhyped did this movie a disservice. The animation was fantastic, but there’s not much else here. I didn’t find it particularly exciting or funny and the musical number didn’t hit. I really it lacked that ohmf. Definitional 5/10 on my scale

Tangential, but Puss’s arc mirrors Kirk in Wrath of Khan. Do what you will with that.

Dwarf Fortress: disclaimer I didn’t play too much of this game but I appreciate its system rich nonsense. I’ll probably revisit it later since the unintuitive UI isn’t helped by most forum discussions not being for the steam version. IE idk how to make a horizontal door. 7/10

Entropy: Zero: Short sweet and to the point. It uses all of its creative ideas and remixes existing assets like nobody's business. A few stumbles like a turret stealth section that soft-locked me, but I appreciate a game that doesn't waste my time 7/10

Entropy Zero 2: I cant remember the last time I was this consistently exhilarated playing a shooter, maybe Titanfall 2. It delivers good writing, action, varied gameplay, gags and emotional beats. It caches the checks valve wrote a decade+ ago at their standard. A must play 9/10

Donbrothers The Movie: New First Love Hero. An absolute farce with almost no toku action. Needless to say it’s fantastic. 8/10. Will likely give any MMPR fan an aneurysm. The foreshadowing is clever…

Bionicle Mask of Light: I wouldn’t say it’s good since I’m an adult and have more tempered nostalgia, but I derived a lot of enjoyment watching it through the lens of knowing the lore and it added a level of dramatic irony. 5/10

Farscape S1: In its best episodes it delivers on a wacky premise and great puppets, at its worst it has pretty template episodes. The crews dynamic seems to be still finding the right balance of adversarial and friendly, and sometimes it just makes everyone seem like an ass. 6/10

Shadow of the Vampire: I might need to marinade my opinion on this somewhat. First impressions are good but part of me wishes it shied away from the come comical elements since the darker tone is interesting. Just made we want to see Nosferatu 8/10

Movie night speedrun Backstroke of the West: Surprisingly good joke dub -5/10 Marmaduke 2022: bizarre -1/10 Agent Revelation: what did they have on Dorn. 2/10

Movie Night Roundup: Alone in the Dark: false advertising, It was bright and I don't think anyone was alone. Made to be riffed on. -6/10 Fist of the North Star 1995: A total snoozefest that failed to hold our attention. The only fun was realizing Dante Basco was in it. 2/10

Pinocchio a True Stroy: We nearly watched a second dub with more generic voice action. Sadly this is basically unwatchable. 0/10 Waynes World 2: A weaker comedy than the original, mostly because it uses a recycled B plot. Nevertheless, a good palette cleanser. 6/10

Farscape Season: I appreciate the more serialized storytelling and multipart episodes. I appreciate that they are kinda figuring out the characters, specifically John going into his Joker arc. However, there were a few stinkers. 7/10

Record of Ragnarok S1/2: This isn't a particularly good adaptation, but the first fight should get an award for the most baffling adapted shounen fight. It truly put its worst foot forward. Otherwise pretty mid and doesn't make me feel particularly excited about the manga.

Vengeful Guardian MoonRider: On the plus side, it looks great and has a clear love of 90s anime and tokusatsu (Hakaider particularly). However, it just felt frustrating because of issues like an awkward walljump and a lot of cheap damage caused by the small screen. 3/10

Super Mario Bros(1993): people lied, this movie kicks ass. The bizarre mushroom kingdom is wildly entertaining, funny, internally consistent and inventive with how it remixes elements from the games. It’s not what the 2023 one will be: safe. 7.5/10

Return of Ultraman: I see what they were cooking. Not a lot to judge here but the way they stretched what they had was impressive. 7.5/10 Eragon: Laughed out asses off when playing Star Wars music. It synced perfectly at some point. But there’s nothing else to work with. -3/10

Aura Battler Dunbine (I): I'm splitting this up into three parts since I have distinct thoughts. The first third is relatively weak and fails to set up the factions (no idea what's up with house Given). However, it makes up for it with appealing classic fantasy aesthetics. 6/10

Dunbine (II): The middle chapter has a sharp improvement across the board. The politics and tactics begin to fall into place as the mech designs improve. The reverse Isekai arc with Garalia (my beloved) is a real standout. Bummer the Billbine sucks. 8/10

Dunbine (III): The final third speaks to me. The undercurrent of resignment and desperation pairs well with a massive shift in the mechanics of combat. While the repetition can get straining, the interjection of real-world interaction makes it work 8.5/10

Dunbine: I enjoyed the heck out of this series and appreciate the interesting ideas and aesthetics of this world. My only complaint is the way it approaches writing women. Its otherwise rad cast of mostly women gets tanked by Elmelie. Took me out of it. 8/10 #dunbinesweep

Farscape season 3: once again this season is an improvement over the last. Less crazy creatures, but more interestingly shot, especially towards the end. It makes the budget-friendly episodes go down more easily. I continue to enjoy John’s arc of just getting weird. 8/10

The thought that someday, someone will feed My Dinner with Andre with thousands of other contextless content into a machine learning algorithm fills me with a deep sadness. 9/10

Knife or Death Season 2: Overall pretty fun, but I felt that with the increased size of the episode order, they ran out of interesting contestants. You can only see so many redknecks in a row, and the finale was a bit of an upset in a b ad way. Season 3 needs some changes. 6.5/10

Donbrothers: This may be the funniest, most satisfying, and unapologetic show I have ever seen. I don't think any sentai can compare to it after, mostly because there hasn't, and can never be anything quite like this again. 10/10

Dunbine Neo Boston Well: phenomenal art and visuals but it kinda falls apart in execution. Eventually, you notice how little is animated and the Ovas have little time to explore its owns story let alone the amazing glimpses of this world. Good character design. 6/10

Destiny 2 lightfall: this expansion was so bad I think it broke the spell destiny had over me. It’s a bizarre swerve in story and aesthetics that is utterly betrayed by the most grating dialogue that was mixed in a way that hurt my ears. 2/10

Season of the seraph: a pretty middling season with some interesting mechanical tidbits, but not a lot to latch on to. It lacked the week to week narrative drive that kept me engaged. Now it feels like the content kinda ends in like 4 weeks. 5/10

Kentucky Fried Movie: slow start but pretty funny. The Enter the Dragon parody was a gas. We need more formless comedy chimeras. 6.5/10

JJBA:DIU 2017: what do you get when you remove the style, humor and pacing from jojo and try to take it completely seriously? Something that should never get it’s trilogy finished -3/10

Garzey’s wing: this thing lives and dies by it’s comically bad dub. Otherwise it’s a pretty write ova with a neat few ideas bot no real ending and would be an unsatisfying watch. However. The dub is hilarious. -6/10

Pledge this!: National Lampoon’s fell OFF! Idk if I can forgive @roflcopterbtw for putting this on the wheel…-3/10

Street Fighter: the legend of Chun Li: Firstly: why are you white. Secondly: if you want to see a better version of this movie, watch snake eyes. 3/10

Kingohger: first impressions: the first episode alternates between obscenely good looking and abysmal in was that is bizarre and completely preventable. They really didn’t have to do primarily cg environments. Writing is halfway to doing something cool but wiffs.

Onegamart: it’s like if a really well themed line ride kept going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going… 8/10 that was cool

Movie night roundup: Barbie the Princess and the Pauper: Concerningly well produced as a musical. Its a campy kids movie with comical CG. What more can I say. -6 Shrek the Musical: We were ENTRANCED by Farquad's costume! I can't say I agree with some of the decisions tho. 6/10

X-files S1 & S2: I find myself more compelled by the episodic mysteries rather than the serialized storyline. Maybe since the alien conspiracy feels a little one-note so far. The real treat is spotting famous actors and the occasional rising star at a higher rate than usual.7/10

X-Files S3 Vibe check: After a few real bangers, Ep12 and 13 were a 1-2 punch I didn't need after a stressful day. The hard dip in writing quality, bad drama, and cheap CW drama feel couldn't cover up what was clearly an anti-drug episode that no one seems to talk about. 2/10

The Man Who Laughs (1928): Essayists have already dissected this film on my behalf, but there’s something interesting here. Oddly enough it’s really obvious The Joker directly homages this more than I think it owes Taxi Driver. 7/10

G-Saviour: under the thick layer of low budget Canadian production and generic execution there’s some surprisingly cool cockpits sets and fight scenes that would’ve made for a good movie. However it isn’t and we never got the iterative sequels it wanted. 5/10

Welcome to Sudden Death: as Die Hard clones go this is a surprisingly fun watch. The reversal of the black comedy relief archetype and some genuinely cool but blue ballingly short martial arts sequences make this an entertaining 6/10 in the best way possible

John Wick: in all honesty this didn’t set my world on fire. I think it’s relevancy has more to do with it signaling that action movies could be cool again rather than the ‘secret world of assassins’ shtick I can’t see myself getting into. 6/10

John Wick 2 Electric Boogaloo: A marked improvement over the first for me, and a lot of that comes down to more creativity, bombast and actually being able to see the fights in this one. The secret society element was less rote than I assumed it would be. 7/10

John Wick 3: I think the missing ingredient might’ve been building up strong opponents. While an improvement, the movies deadly combat means each enemy gets one fight, so they don’t get the opportunity to develop. More bombast was welcome. 7/10

John wick 4: holy fuck in the goddamn. You know the movie is fire when 20 minutes later I say ‘John wick had a nunchuck, how tf did I forget that’. The last three are almost invalidated by how hard this executes on everything they both had and lacked. 9.5/10

AVGN movie: this one’s an oddity, it feels like a throwback to the golden age of early internet reviews despite coming out in like 2014. This is a realization of the channel Awesome movies but with competency and production. The gags and effects made me smile. 6/10

Trigun Stampede S1: Anime of the decade. Never before have seen such expressive 3d cg anime, let alone for tv. while it undercuts some of the charm of the original with its rush to the knives plotline, it makes up for it in its own identity. 9.5/10

The Future is a Dead Mall and Line Goes Up: I knew it was dire but wow. Line Goes Up aged particularly well. 8/10

X-Files S3: A real mixed bag, as mentioned earlier, this contains some of the best and worst episodes of television I can remember. While some parts of the serialized story are improved by getting interesting resolutions, my faith was shaken. 7/10

Pitch Black: Enjoyable as a thriller with a neat grimy version of space travel. it Tickles my fancy 7/10

Chronicles of Riddick: I guess this universe has a Warhammer 40K faction. I think the end result is cool, but I see why people think it was a weird pivot 7/10

Riddick: Just another cool thriller, liked the more survival elements at the beginning. 7/10

The Adventures of Kosuke Kindaichi (1979): One of the most impenetrable films I've ever tried to watch. I can't help but feel I lack the cultural context for this as a parody, but the visual absurdity and direction sell it. 7/10

Robot Ninja: Perhaps I'm just a sucker for the 'artist spiraling into madness' trope but this movie has an interesting take on it. If anything the Ohio shoe-string budget energy kind of enhances the delusion and unreality of it. Very critical of the comics industry. positive 5/10

The War in Space: I'll admit I talked with my friends through this one, but the model shots and excellent space suits caught our attention. Effective final sacrifice but overall it was uneventful in a 70s toku way. 4/10 (the captain had Leonard Maccoy energy)

What's up tiger Lily: The specter of Woody Allen haunts this film. While historically important as the first notable parody dub, the space jokes (which mostly land) and lousy 60's dancing interludes kill the energy and just make me want to see the original. 4/10

Skyrim SE: Since Skyrim is kind of a Super Game(TM) I'm breaking it up since some parts of it feel totally disjointed.

Skyrim (main quest): I assumed the Blades quest chain would be on the level of the Mages College in terms of importance. I appreciate its attempts to intersect with the civil war plotline but it felt over in a hurry. The final dungeon is a joke. 4/10

Overall, having the focus on melee combat against a pretty bad enemy variety makes the game feel like a slog. It does manage moments of brilliance, but the half-baked questing feels more like frustrating writing. Base game is a mess with potential. 6/10

Skyrim: Saints and Seducers: It kinda sucks how this DLC was plopped in without any consideration. I mean yay free content (I wouldn't have paid for it), but my animosity comes from stumbling into the strongest weapon in the game on my blind playthrough, trivializing combat. 4/10

Tron: Half the fun of this movie is trying to contort the metaphor of the grid onto my understanding of how these systems actually work, like naval admirals watching Battleship. The Wendy Carlos score is really unusual and has wormed its way into my head. A charming 4/10

Passenger 57. Die Hard on a plane. No Notes. 7/10

Batman and Robin: As a 60s Batman enjoyer, I cannot overstate how much of a joy this was to watch. The costumes, the set design, the pitch-perfect acting, the architecture, the cheeseball writing..never have I seen more camp with such ambition and budget. 8/10

Skyrim: Dragonborn: this smaller, denser island shows what Skyrim can do. Stealing from morrowind gave this place a lot more character and it was refreshing. However some bad bugs and dragon controlling being a complete mess…It was an 8/10, but man 6.5/10

Skyrim: Dawngaurd (vampire): not great. Besides careening down the main quests chain without noticing the 8 radiant quests(the vamps aren’t fun to deal with). Mechanically, vampirism sucks. I never found switching forms to be anything but cumbersome and it wasn’t any better…

Vampire and dragon attacks killing NPCs is a cool idea but having that happen when you’re doing the main quest is just confusing. Adding the Vale and the soul gem dimension is neat, but kinda shallow. Each felt like other dlc they condensed.

The saving grace really is Serana, which was further advanced by an incredible mod that has me wanting to restart and take the dawnguard path. Until then…5/10

X Files S4/5: Once again there were a few bangers, but I'm starting to get the creeping feeling that the atmosphere that made the series unique is beginning to get lost. I wouldn't say many of these are terribly tense or mysterious anymore6. 5/10

STEALTH(2005): Look, I'm of two minds about this thing. Yes, it wastes a lot of time. Yes, the DOD clearly inserted a 15-second scene that minimizes the interesting sci-fi of the movie in a ridiculous way that had my friends both booing and laughing at the movie...

BUT HOLY SHIT ACE COMBAT MOVIE REAL!!! The last half really leans into being a bombastic action and sci-fi thriller. I can't think of a movie that had a more left-for-dead character and 'the loyalty switching is nearly at gundam levels' -@SuperheckDX 7/10

Bright Memory Infinite: I'll give it credit for a surprisingly fresh twist on character action, but it's over just as it gets good and I feel like it learned the wrong lessons from the early 8th gen CoD era of shooters. Worst double jump in an fps to date 5/10

X-Files S6: I'm not sure how, but a shark was jumped at some point between seasons. Immediately the average quality went down and the episodes felt much less engaging. It still managed to surprise me (Aliens in the Klan???) 5/10

Lobsteroids: it serves video game fmv vibes. -4/10 No.1 of the secret service: fun action and a Dracula assassin make up for having a plot I couldn't follow, but I'll give them points for a bravely anti-climactic ending. Just a good B movie bond. 6/10

ZOE: 2nd Runner MARS: I'm not gonna sugar coat it, this fucks. The remaster really shows how strong the art direction is by sharpening it up and it looks and plays divine. However, the translation and dub are incomprehensible. It's like what people say about Tomino's writing.8/10

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 3: I don't think this movie was great, the jokes didn't quite make me laugh and there were some wasted opportunities, but the emotional core worked. I feel a good sense of closure from this over the MCU in general. 7/10

X-Files S7: Nah: 5/10

Azure Striker Gunvolt 3: I never got around to putting this on the list since I was hoping to finish the 2nd character playthrough, but that never materialized. 

This game has sparks of good. Good voice acting and a few creative level concepts that sell the team’s energy. The gameplay loop of tagging and teleporting is married well with the well tuned directional aim. Its also up to Inti’s bar for visual flare.

However this is all in spite of everything else. The translation makes some bizarre choices that make Joule is immediately grating, mostly due to the choice to never shut up about fetters (you could just call them seals...). The timeskip is truly bizarre since it abandons all the plot threads for a more or less identical setting, just with apologism for the evil conglomeration which Gunvolt is okay with working for now (despite being turned into a dog for some reason.) Worse, Joule is immediately the most mechanically bloated character in a 2d game, having too many features at once in addition to the (also expanded with her abilities) Gunvolt style switching. Less is more, if they had settled for GV with the flashstep or simplified Joule individually it would have been more fun to control. If they were going to give players so much more combat capability, it would’ve been nice to have enemies that could actually fight back...6/10

Kamen Rider Geats × Revice: Movie Battle Royale: Who put battle royale in my previously battle royale-free battle royale Toku show...AND it crosses over with the first battle royale Kamen Rider? I’m gonna be real, Revice nostalgia was coming on stronger than I was prepared for with this movie. I hope we see more Seeker in future material and the Ryuki cameos were heartwarming (except Ouja’s suit had a prominent pot-belly for some reason.) 7/10

Revice Forward: Kamen Rider Live & Evil & Demons: I miss revice... Making Demon Hiromi a Vergil was an interesting choice 6/10

The Super Mario Bros. Movie: I’m of two minds about this. On one hand, This is really the best version of a Illumination Mario movie we could get. It has fantastic sequences with 80′s pop music replacing the perfectly timed and funny soundtrack for what feels like a quota. It didn’t really make me, as an adult laugh or really engage much with its emotional stakes one they entered the mushroom kingdom. (I kinda liked their whole failing plumbing business) They tried to do something with the core cast, but without doing anything really memorable, save for good performances in spite of the material. Chris Pratt isn’t awful. It should be deeply meh, but it has enough colors and the occasional humor to make it work. If anything I would like to see the midpoint between this and the 80′s one 6/10

However, the pattern recognition part of my brain would have lit up like a Christmas tree if you put it in an MRI. I’ll admit that even a cynic like me soyjacked a few times when I saw something from Mario 3.

Telefrag: Listen, I don’t like beating a dead horse...but I see why it’s a dead game. bad feedback and tutorialization make matches with only one bot by default and fast ttk even less interesting than they should be. 2/10

Eagle Flight: It’s amazing how Ubisoft finds ways to ruin their own games with corporate nonsense. On startup within steam VR, I had resolve the bugged out multiplayer launcher installation while having to repeatedly switch from my VR headset and my keyboard. It left a sour taste in my mouth for an admittedly neat and good controlling game. There were a few instances of inconsistent button prompts in menus as well. The promise of flying through the air like an eagle is realized but did it really nead assassin’s creed collectible and map mechanics? 4/10

Sierra Ops: I occasionally see moments where what this was supposed to be shine through, but overall the writing could use an aggressive editing pass to allow it to capture the excitement of a space opera by tightening up the interpersonal stuff. I usually love this stuff when its concise, but the relationship drama comes across as bloated and ends up sinking the whole experience. An hour and a half of half vague meandering disengaged me for the cool declaration of war moments. Even longer until the game properly starts. It did grab me once or twice but mostly I found myself skipping and it still felt long. The gameplay is neat enough to begin with, enough to get me to the halfway mark but only having two possible other small ships in your controllable battle group kinda kills the exciting strategy and large scale warfare the premise promised. The more mechanics it ads the worse it plays unfortunately. Mostly because the mecha can't be ordered and must be actively controlled, destroying the gameplay flow. I also encountered a broken feature for the long range bombardment at the start of the third chapter where it only worked once. The only youtube playthrough that got that far had the same issue but never noticed.

I don’t think this thing is going to complete its 10 chapter plan, but with the >2 chapters I played. 2/10

Fast X: I feel hard judging this harshly since it is supposed to be part one of a duology(trilogy?) but I feel like the rubber is going to hit the road once we see the payoff to the setup. As it is, I can’t say it was mind blowing in comparison to 6-9 since some of the action sequences were deliberate retreads. 6/10

Rocky: A lot of times I find the movies pop culture upholds as classics are divorced from the actual quality of the material. This is one of those cases where I was blown away. I can’t think of another case where a character was so soulfully portrayed in every small minutia of the performance, direction and even set design. While I usually dislike the dirty look to a lot of 70′s film (I’ve watched a lot of movies that should’ve stayed in the 70s) the filth of Rocky’s world sings in every character. In the first 10 minutes I knew I would ride or die with this lovable loser. 10/10

My Friend Pedro: Interesting gunplay ideas that feel made for twitter clips. However I never quite felt the flow. The real enemy is a tedious and artificially extended playtime fattened with too many puzzle platforming segments that add nothing. Ultimately the ‘lol so random XD’ humor got old real quick. It had the energy of a Deadpool cosplay in the 2010s who didn’t know when to quit when he was ahead. 4/10

~~~Random Half-Life/Portal mod roundup~~~

Thinking with Time Machine: Its primary mechanic is interesting but cumbersomely executed. The puzzles are more a pain to pull off than solve and the writing is bad fanfiction tier. I encountered multiple repeatable crashes between levels. 3/10

Requiem of Science: It starts out as an uninspired series of levels and escalates into a baffling gasps of creativity that make no sense and have no real context. Random mashup of Black Mesa and Aperture assets? Kinda weird. Egyptian pyramid with a trap involving 15 consecutive headcrabs? What? It’s really just a series of random source assets combined with maybe your 3rd attempt at a doom wad in high school. The story is...bad. The protagonist is named Genry Freedom and it has spongebob beyond writing. 2/10

Snowdrop Escape. Too many straightforward puzzles and gunplay felt nonthreatening. I never felt challenged and this thing has essentially no story, not that I could hear it half the time. I’ll put this in my ‘bad multiverse media’ pile.  2/10

Rexaura: Good puzzles and fresh mechanics but the writing and story didn’t wow me. Competent. 5/10

Entropy Zero: Uprising: Encountered a gamestopping bug, but the pretty normal content didn’t give me the energy to continue.

Logistique: The puzzles weren’t as hard as they were dull. but I appreciate the effort 3.5/10

Portal Stories VR: can’t really say much other than I was trapped halfway through the floor and it had unity’s kinda bad movement. 2/10

The Lab: Neat gimmicks but only two were worth more than 4 minutes of my time. 4/10

Aperture Hand Lab: My controller didn’t have the haptics to progress, but it was pretty funny while it lasted. 5/10

Entropy Center Demo: Look we all know this is a portal fangame. Puzzles were neat enough with the rewind mechanic. I can’t say it has the wit that makes portal work yet just from the demo, but I hope it adds that X factor it needs. 6.10

Justice League: Putting aside my bias for the cast, which is peppered with some of my personal favorites from TV, This is a solid show. By most measuring sticks this measures up, but people like me who know too much about comics can get waaaay more out of this. It’s confident enough to show a haranguing news anchor wave around a copy of ‘Seduction of the Innocent’ assured both kids and general audiences understand its criticism of moral panics while respecting comic book fans to use their brains to catch the specific callouts to real world history. It has ham and it has heart. from the goofy golden age callbacks to the Christmas special with sharp character writing. I miss the dedication to creating quality entertainment with its material. 7.5/10

Shin Kamen Rider: Full disclosure, my experience with this movie was colored by a pretty rotten day. The first fifteen minutes were gold. There was energy. A snappy camera, brisk exposition and flare to the action. It replicated the tricks that made the original show work but dialing up the visually absurd elements to contrast with a more serious tone. I’ve heard some folks had bad screenings, but I had the pleasure of a few sporadic academic chuckles to add ambiance. Shoutout to the sight gag where the cyclone motorcycle is following Ichigo during a dialogue scene at a polite distance. The whole thing reminded me of Anno’s earlier live action take on Cutie Honey. However after the first act, I got the sense the film was petering out. Perhaps the format of adapting a handful of episodes risks getting tired, but by the start of the third act I was checked out. I don’t check my phone in theaters. I checked my phone, looked up how long the film was and questioned if I wanted to stick it out another hour. Worse this is the first movie to physically hurt my eyes. The penultimate battle is in a pitch dark tunnel with abrupt flashes of bright light that caused me to recoil, even cover my eyes after a few minutes. 3/10. That time he did a flip was cool, but I regret staying.

Rocky II: This should’ve been a cash-in sequel. It repeats the beats of a first film that needs no follow up. Rocky’s arc was done, do we really need another with the same beats? Second verse same as the first but a little bit more production value and pretty dang good. I’m giving it a 9/10 so it must’ve done something right. The melodrama of pregnancies and unemployment and comas didn’t have me, until it did. This movie waited to switch back to southpaw and didn’t let up after that. 9/10 

DragonHeart: It’s a kids movie but it does have that childlike wonder and innocence you don’t see in fantasy movies these days. If I think the dragon looks good or bad depends on my mood at the time 6/10

The Master Demon: I’ve seen low budget but this is something else. We skipped most of it. -3/10

Battleship: It really didn’t have me, and then it did. This movie needed another few weeks in the editing booth because opening you ship action movie with some boner comedy shenanigans doesn’t bode well. Gimme a tight 90 cut and we are in buisness. There is no doubt in my mind why this is a favorite in a lot of navy households, because this is somehow more hype than Top Gun. 6.5/10

Justice League Unlimited S1-2: Fantastic. Perfectly constructed. It operates metatextually as a commentary, even a refutation, of many of Alan Moore’s works and opinions on superheroes. As someone who enjoys the odd comic book, the intertextual game of ping-pong that is The Question (voiced by Jeffery Combs, who better?) is an absolute joy to see. Adaptations like ‘For the Man Who Has Everything’ show a clear love for the character driven aspect of capes and cowls that you don’t see anymore. It more thoughtful and nuanced than it has any right to be, and talks up to any audience with more respect than I’ve seen out of superhero media (outside of maybe Gunn’s movies). Even the most die hard modern comic book fan should loop back to this for a shot in the arm of hope. 9/10

Justice League Unlimied S3: there was a third one I guess 7/10

[it looks like a few of the things I added got lost so quick lightning round]

Dungeons and Dragons, Honor Among Thieves: Hey! Thats pretty good! It’s a charming and fin fantasy movie, don’t see those as much as we should these days. Best of all it really captured the energy of someones unwieldy campaign. Hope a sequel has a completely different party. 7.5/10

Bumblebee in 4K: Each subsequent viewing I can deconstruct this into its component movies more and more, but ‘steal from the best!’ 7/10

Mikadroid: It was fascinating and had a unique atmosphere. The obvious symbolism of a 80′s Japanese bubble disco built on top of a ruin of fascist superweapon is a treat. Great costume and model work where it counts, but it undercuts itself with poor momentum and a monster that is shown in a few unflattering angles. Spotted a classic Ultraman actor so I’m happy 7/10

LoZ Cartoon E1: annoyingly competent 4/10

Kappa Mikey E1: I see why this wasn’t good enough for 2000′s MTV. In spite of it all it was actually a little funny -5/10

Mars Needs Moms: The implications will tie your brain in knots while the actual story is so bog standard it numbs your mind at the same time. The aliens were clearly somebody’s fetish in production. -4/10

Dune 1984: I’mma be real with you chief. this isn’t great. Sorry Mr.Lynch, they can’t all be winners. Nice Cameo though. I will come to the defense of character inner monologues though, but having them whispered doesn’t work. I wasn’t wowed by the special effects but the weird set dressing had a charm. 5/10

Across the Spiderverse: I might need more time to digest it, but within the first 10 minutes I had to stop and think if there might be other animated movies that look this good. Not even close. I think the beats hit me differently than some others, but yeah, no doubt. It’s great. Anything else would be nitpicks I will withhold till the second part. 9.5/10

Oh wait, Unlimited SpiderMan didn’t have a prominent role: 0/10

Heavy Metal L-Gaim: It pains me to say this, but I couldn’t finish it. Individually, each episode delivers top notch cartooning with expressive and goofy animation that really sell the wacky cast. That is, when we, as an audience, can get it. The plot lacked forward momentum and enough of it felt dull that I dropped it a few times. I skipped to the end and found a backloaded finale with a soggy final note. The vibes are top notch, but it can only take you so far. 6/10

Rocky 3: I though a shark was jumped when Hulk Hogan showed up, but they had me. They fucking had me. 8/10

Wolf Tracer’s Dinosaur Island: this had to have been a tax scheme or something. -4/10

Skull Island: I got nothing. No real emotional response. Nothing. It was there. It was inoffensive. But I gotta point out that at this point, Kong’s survival rate for plucky kid companions is pretty low. 5/10

The Italian Job (2003): A fun enough heist movie, but now I want to watch the original to compare 6.5/10

Transformers Rise of the Beasts: Just because it’s CGI action slop doesn’t mean it can’t have heart. Putting aside my predisposition to like this, it was a decently constructed version of what these movies are. It was coherent, funny and well made. My only gripe is that at the end they do something just kinda weird, but you know what? Who cares! Besides that one moment, the movie had my suspension of disbelieve right where it needed to be to have a grand old time.

As a Transformers fan? There was fanservice. I was a fan, and I was served. ‘Subversion of expectations is kind of a tainted expression, but by reversing a few familiar bleats was a nice variation on a theme. They could’ve easily messed it up, or gone too far, but so much as a few notes of a leitmotif made me a hair shy of spontaneous combustion. The credits stinger? Dumb as hell, but you know what this movie earned it, and My entire friend group was popping off. 7.5/10

Rock 4: This doesn’t quiiiite live up to the premise of ‘Rocky destroys the soviet union’, but it tries. however I felt more like I was watching an ad for the album. Kinda like Netflix shows that are desperate to make the next big TikTok dance after Wednesday performed well. 7/10

Farscape: I gave the last season a fair shake and found it kind of unwatchable. 2/10

Half Life Alyx: Oppressive. Immersive. Possibly the last VR game I’ll ever need to play until they make a sequel. This could only be by the virtue of being the only vr game that actually feels like a real game, but it is far more than that.

MyHouse.pk3: I kinda ruined this for myself a little since I blasted through the non-spooky wad version a few times confused about what the fuss was over. However the creativity and magic to make this work is astounding. The final beat was pretty cool. Short and sweet. 7/10

(Lost a few of my entries due to an edit error, these’ll be shorter than my original thoughts)

Black Mesa: A triumph of game remakes. While Xen is a more total reimagining, the rest of it really makes me appreciate how ahead of its time a lot of the original Half Life was. I often found myself suprised when reviewing the original, sections I thought were added in were in fact there since 1998. Genuinely gorgeous at times. 9/10

Devilman 2004: How do you make Devilman Boring? If you have seen any 2000′s Japanese b-movie, you have seen this one. Its got all the halmarks, minimal action, camcorder grade early digial picture quality and a lot of high school non-drama for some reason. -2/10

Bloodshot: This movie goes hard than it’s redbox-grade appearance would have you believe. It weaves this deception into its intentionally genre generic setup in a way that makes tired sci-fi tropes feel exciting. Its costumes and CG fights feel like they outmatch what marvel pours millions into. 7.5/10

Barbie Princess Charm School: The things I watch for our movie night’s wheel. It’s competent, but not as funny as the last one I watched. -5/10

Rocky V: It’s very 1990, though I feel like the energy is brought down by the cheap contrivance to reset rocky back to the streets TM. I will say that the emotional beats with Micky hit hard, and I appreciate having the fight at the end be out of the ring. Refreshing, but I think this was a good place to end it. 7.5/10

Andromeda S1: An efficiently produced show that takes star trek (in all but name) into an interesting new status quo. I did worry at first that it would fall into the bad habits of white savior storytelling and some cheesy sci-fi concepts (nietzschean? really?). However I can’t contest that I had a good time and there were enough fresh episodes to keep me happy. 7/10

Movie Night Speedround

Alone in the Dark 2: this is clearly a movie they just retitled. 4/10

Jupiter Ascending: Can’t rate since I might get back to this later but it at least looked neat. -4/10

Nick Fury Agent of SHEILD: Good casting but this sure is a TV movie. -4/10

Nutcracker and the Four Realms: This was more fun when it was an actual ballet production for 5 minutes. Generic late 2010s Disney twist and fluctuating production value. Morgan Freeman is a clockpunk father cristmas. 6/10 

[woundedheartwithin]

Me (and Sam probably): Stupid fucking paleontologist decided to put his stupid lab at the bottom of a stupid mountain, making me have to gingerly pick my way down a shear drop with a goddamn BOMB strapped to my back, when I get there I’m punching him in the face

This fucking game: Patience by Low Roar! :D

Me:

[worldsover]

Fermata ft. Chuu

length ✦ 5651

genres ✧ Dal Segno sequel; dirty talk; oral; makeup fetish; more subby!Chuu

✦✧✦✧✦✧

You write to keep your concentration and disconnect you from your ever-changing concerns. For all your ideas, the true crux of putting a piece together is actually making something concrete. The self-control you require to be consistent, and consistently creative, is what makes music so hard to stay focused on. This album must be finished. This year. No written promises but you have to do right by her after all you've invested. You fucked Jiwoo in the mouth yesterday. Real right of you to do.

“Coming!” Jiwoo must be far from the front door with how her holler resounds the apartment. Where do you put your hands? Pockets are natural though they don't feel like it. Many but not enough footsteps grow in loudness but you expect a stampede anyway when the door opens. Instead, only Yerim and Sooyoung manifest in the opening hallway.

“Hello, oppa! Jiwoo unnie is just… Umm. Taking care of business.” Yerim playfully elbows you when she pulls you in but you stop her to take your shoes off. Sooyoung sends a brusque wave your way and not much else as she collects assorted effects and clothing around the living room. There isn’t nearly as much noise as you expect.

Look around in confusion. “Did I miss something? Is today a holiday?”

“Jiwoo isn’t the only one who’s got schedules, PD-nim,” Sooyoung says.

Yerim turns around. She also has some nicer pants on, and a loose-fitting red top. “Unnie, you’re just visiting your family.”

“And that’s a schedule.”

“Well oppa, I have a CF to film so, ha!” Yerim raises a hand, victorious she just won the conversation. High five. She’s satisfied but Sooyoung gives no regard, clearly looking for something.

“What about the other girls?” you ask.

“I’m not a manager. Just count yourself lucky the dorm is so empty.” Yerim says.

“Damn, we can even record some demos too. Good thing I brought the mic. Hold on, before you guys go, wanna listen to some of our songs?” you say.

“Finally!” Yerim says.

“Just play it out loud, I can hear it,” Sooyoung says. You offer your help with whatever she’s searching for though she brushes you off and insists she can do it herself.

Yerim brings out a bluetooth speaker from underneath the living room couch and coughs because of whatever dust she just procured.

Pull out your Macbook from your backpack and connect it to the speaker. You think about which track to play and pick the one that shows off Jiwoo’s voice the best so far, Jiwoo - Deeper.

Yerim immediately gets into the beat, bobbing her head and dancing. However, when the chorus hits, her ears perk up and she starts cheering at the notes that Jiwoo belts. Sooyoung also turns an ear towards the speaker in curiosity.

A vacuum interrupts the music. Jiwoo swoops in with the machine, scurrying her shapely legs with no heed to their bareness. She pushes up her fake circle glasses and says over the commotion, “I knew you needed this! Oppa, hello!”

“I’m trying to listen to the music here!” Yerim covers her ears.

Sooyoung looks down and pauses at the edge of the couch. “Oh hey, there’s my bracelet! Really nice music by the way!”

“Wow, you guys are so kind.” Jiwoo says, her voice piercing the screaming vacuum without effort. She turns it off realizing she's the only one can really do so. “You still like the music now?”

“No unnie, I mean it,” Yerim says.

“Why are you wearing just that big tracksuit sweater? Do you even have shorts on?” you interrupt the gushing. Jiwoo turns around and hugs herself as if she dropped a towel, even though her immodesty comes from her lower body. Good thing no one notices her sweater ride up for a moment to reveal white panties. Sooyoung looks at you confused while Yerim smirks to match yours. She wasn't even looking at Jiwoo but she could probably tell from your face. Damn, she’s too perceptive.

“Well, it looks like that’s my cue to go,” Yerim says.

“I’m so confused,” Sooyoung looks back and forth at you and the other two girls in the room. You shrug your shoulders, pretending to take solace in her ignorance of the situation.

“Come on unnie, we’ll go together. I’ll go out to get money and you go out to get your kisses from mommy and daddy.” Somehow that didn’t sound too offensive but Sooyoung punches Yerim anyway.

“Oppa, can you finish vacuuming for me?” You’re about to make a retort about labor laws but Jiwoo runs to the bathroom and immediately you hear Jiwoo practicing melodic runs. They’re definitely not the ones you taught her, unless moaning was part of the routine.

“So she has to get her vocal cords ready too huh? I’m suuure that’s all she’s doing in there.” Yerim keeps poking at your bicep with two fingers. You turn on the vacuum to try and hide her overt naughtiness but Yerim’s devilish look tells enough. For full measure, she winks at you as she drags Sooyoung out of the dorm. Mental note to deal with that can of worms for later.

Head to the big bedroom where Jiwoo’s still doing vocal exercises. Three bunk beds line the walls while pillows, blankets and bean bags litter the floor. As the centrepiece of the room sits a simple wooden table, short enough to rest on the polystyrene filled chairs while adequately comfortable to get work done. She stands proud on top of the table as she practices the actual runs you tell her to do.

“Oh, oh, ohhhhh, oh, ohhhhppa!” She jumps down from the table and nearly tackles you when she locks her legs around you in a hug. Take a second to balance yourself while holding her as tightly as possible.

“Jiwoo, you’re eager today.”

“Of course I am, oppa. I’m soooo excited to. Record. Of course.”

“Well if you are, please get off of me.”

“Oppa! You don’t like my hugs?” she says nearly falsetto. Her aegyo throws you off, so you throw her off. Onto a bean bag. “I guess that’s a no.”

“No, not no. I mean. We have to be focused, Jiwoo. Is there any rope or anything?”

“You just said we have to be focused, oppa.”

You wave your hands in denial. “What’d I say about acoustics?”

“Ohhh, like the foam at the studio?”

“Exactly. Especially with how big this room is, we’re going to have to need all the insulation we can get. Ahhh!” Your random shout rumbles throughout the room and startles the relaxing Jiwoo. 

She stands up. “I get it! Geez.”

“Oh yeah, I need a pop filter too.”

“A thin fabric right? For all the p-p-plosives.”

“Mhm.”

Inevitable. Jiwoo takes off her panties and you shake your head laughing in disapproval.

“Come on now, that’s just not sanitary,” you say.

“So you’re saying you don’t want them?”

“No, I’ll just confiscate them for your stupidity. Tsk. Find some pantyhose.“ She gets up. “Ahem. Not used.”

The panties have a tiny wet spot, and your nose takes a quick bask in its musk but Jiwoo immediately catches you.

“And I’m too horny,” Jiwoo says with characteristic sass. You put it in your pocket as she gets pantyhose from her drawer. After fashioning a stand for the pantyhose for her to sing into, you both get to work hanging up blankets from the bunk beds while clotheslines become pillow-lines. A makeshift room within a room, still centered by the table but now surrounding you with cushioning cloth instead of acoustically reflective drywall.

Barely enough space for jumping jacks but you start doing them anyway and it flummoxes Jiwoo for a moment. You don’t need to tell her to join in. Sit down to play an instrumental from the laptop and she pauses the exercise before you motion for her to continue. 

“I need you with the right energy for the beat.”

“Yeah, I figured. Synthwave is really popular now, huh?” Her bouncing to the rhythm rides her hoodie up again but now her cute slit and bare legs are plain to see. Your tongue dries your lips. She catches her breath before stretching one last time. Keep it together. “So are we recording?” 

You nod. Take out the microphone and two pairs of in ear monitors for listening, and connect all the devices to the computer. After setting everything up, Jiwoo gets up and you hold the microphone and filter for her.

Click. “Aaand, recording.”

Click. “One more.”

But that’s it. Two takes. You could not get a better sounding Jiwoo than that. Not a quick demo but the actual release vocal track, since even in such an imperfect recording environment, it sounds perfect to your ears. A little frustration since where was this Jiwoo in all the previous sessions? Maybe you’ll have to consider more visits for recording though you’re not sure if you could make another miracle happen to have everyone else out of the dorm at the same time.

“Jiwoo, that was a- Dammit, that was perfect,” you say.

“Of course, it was!” Not that there’s much room in the improvised recording studio but she ensures you feel even less of it when she gets closer. “Sooo. Wanna fuck my face?”

“That’s not the arrangement! You didn’t mess up.” 

“You definitely sound disappointed I did a good job,” Jiwoo says.

”Of course I’m not disappointed.” You sigh. Are we doing this again? A single flitter of her brows. “I’m not going to fuck your face this time, okay? You have to be able to take that dick all the way down yourself.”

No protests. She lowers her head once in gratitude. 

"Thank you for the meal!" Jiwoo says as she shows off her pearly whites in a big smile. She turns her head up to look at you lovingly as she cups your balls with her hands before she lowers her head again for a precursory smooch onto your cock. This time, she gives the same slow care to your shaft with her lips as she is to your balls with her hands. As if she wasn't going to ruin her makeup.

Restraining your panting and cries of ecstasy is arduous enough with Jiwoo engulfing you when-

“Kim Jiwoo!” Sooyoung’s voice reverberates from maybe the living room or the foyer.

Jiwoo side-eyes the study door. Her head does not stop its seesaw. Is this girl so entranced by your cock that she feels not an ounce of dread?

Sooyoung yells, “I forgot something! Just wanted to let you know I’ll be back later with dinner!”

“Okay! Thanks! We’re busy,” you choke on your words as Jiwoo does the same on your dick, “Uh, listening to the mix!”

Sooyoung, still shouting, but attempting to say lower, “Sorry! I’ll go now. Bye.”

Wait a few minutes before getting up, and of course Jiwoo’s lips are still wrapped around your cock as you walk towards the door. Dorm is empty. She must have performed magic taking off her shirt and underwear to play with herself because you can't remember if she's ever stopped sucking you off. The kinematics don't add up. More likely, you’re slightly faint from her perilous suction, making left and right difficult directions to parse from each other.

"Fuck you're already so good, Jiwoo." 

Pull her up and carry her to deposit onto the bottom bunk of the bed by the window.  She ends up belly diving onto the mattress’ surface and her buttcheeks recoil just the slightest bit.  Jiwoo notices and starts giggling when she plays around with her perky cheeks.

"You like my ass, oppa?" Nod.

“I said I wasn’t going to fuck your face today. Fuck. Maybe I’ll fuck you there instead,” you say in a low bass.

Her eyes turn into full moons at your suggestion. You laugh. 

”Naughty fucking girl. Next time, when you’re a good girl. Such a fun ass though.” Follow through with the compliment as you line up your cock to the prone girl’s mouth, arcing down to fondle her round buns. It's a miracle and also a bit embarrassing that your erection is soft after all that. Best guess is that it's had so much stimulation, but all of the masturbation after recalling your previous facefuck probably didn't help. Jiwoo takes her index and middle digits and raps them on your cock to a freeform beat.

“Aww oppa, your cock. I need to make it big and meaty again,” Jiwoo whines and her pout confesses that she's a little disheartened, however her eyes are more determined.

“Tell me all the ways you want me to use you." She raises her vivid eyebrows and lists her head a little forward. “Okay, miss ‘I won’t let go of this cock even when there’s others in the house’. Don’t worry, we have plenty of time. Just relax and go on.”

“Hmph. Fine. Well, your dick is right here, sooo after I lick it up,” which she begins doing by inspecting your shaft with intent, before finding a spot she deems scrumptious enough to lap up. “You fuck this dirty mouth pussy clean while I play myself on my tummy just like this.”

Jiwoo sounds ridiculous talking with her tongue out but at the same time, her cheeky lisp fortifies your cock. Her hands wander underneath herself and she reels back, titillated by her own words. You watch the small woman fondling herself with both hands while your erection at half-mast presses against her face in suspense.

“I could flip myself over and I’d never let go of oppa’s cock, I promise, then you could see your bulge in my fuck hole.”

How could this girl talk so filthy? Her face doesn’t even look like it should utter the word darn, yet here she is giving a study of her throat’s distension from your dick.

Jiwoo continues, one hand rubbing her clit fervently, “Then, maybe. Maybe oppa could get on top of me and pretty please eat my little pussy out while he shoves his cock into me?”

You couldn’t just stand idly by, though it wouldn’t be the worst with how her mouth vibrates your cock harder as her tone gets more gravelly and hungry. When you reach down, you see her wet slit preoccupied with two fingers from her other hand. It doesn’t stop you from slipping one in the increasingly creamy hole.

“Then oppa, if you still wanna at least?” her voice shrinks, but then returns in volume as she crescendos, “You keep your mouth on my slit as you lift up my legs and your silly slut is upside down and she’s choking on your cock and Jiwoo can’t breath and all the blood rushing to her head and you cum and Jiwoo doesn’t let any of spill out cuz Jiwoo is a good slut for oppa, and oppa, oppa, please!”

You join in stroking and rubbing her squishy soaking pussy lips and she looks up from her haze.

“Kim Jiwoo.” Your voice is stern and it seems more than any physical stimulation that your deep beckon is what sends her past the edge. Her pussy swallows whole your finger still inside her, wetness replacing all sensation that the digit once had. She accompanies her whole body’s spasms with loud visceral moans. It takes more than a mere moment to close her eyes and restore her breathing. The bedroom smells a little salty from all the fluids leaking her mouth and slit.

“How much porn have you been watching?” you say.

“As much as you oppa.”

Swallow down a bit of spit. “Huh?”

“Remember our very first recording session, you forgot your laptop and I returned it to you?”

“Fuck,” you say. Jiwoo stretches and lay spread-eagle on the bed, a gooey strand connecting between her two thighs. She licks her fingers.

“You're lucky I found it. Oppa, it’s all your fault I’m like this. Plus all those fancams of me in the same folder. I wanted to confess sooner but I needed more opportunities to be with you.” She sucks her hand more earnestly.

“I didn’t think sucking dick counted as confessing.”

“Hey, I did say I like you. Did you already forget? Tsk. Typical boy.”

“Look at this dick.” You didn’t have to say that because she’s already drilling holes into it with her eyes. “Remember how I said I was basically recording for free? Make your own inferences.” The round shape of her mouth in understanding is perfect.  "Now, open wide."

"Yes! Mm..."

 It’s hard to say which position is your favorite.

Fucking her face is straightforward but you pay closer attention. You’re certainly not down that deep, as you can still feel her uvula recoil on your tip and react with thick gagged out spit. Nothing like your cum but she sucks and spits the liquid in and out anyway. She definitely enjoys playing around with fluids in her mouth.

Jiwoo pulls away when she upturns herself, as she coughs with whatever throat muscles you hit. Her head hanging upside down off the mattress would be the perfect perspective to see your cock’s imprint on her neck but she still can’t manage the depth. The angle certainly makes your pistoning easier as your balls slap against your nose in more forceful pushes, playing vulgar slapping noises that mix with her gagging.

Afterwards, you lean over and move her head to get the mattress’s support instead of dangling. Hunch down to her wetness and the taste of her nectar more than makes up for the difficulty of thrusting while on top of her. Already having difficulty breathing with a cock in her airways, you don’t want to crush her under your weight. Still, you spend the most time between her thighs, taking in the muskiness of her pussy and all that it releases. It explains Jiwoo’s long drawn breath through her nose if you have a similarly alluring scent. There’s also the possibility your length steals too much air from her wet, gagging mouth but in this position, it’s her choice to hold your shaft in her throat for that much time.

Pick her up by the ass and cup the top of Jiwoo’s cheeks. Well, now they’re the bottom as she’s upside down in this piledriver sixty-nine position, both of you sucking and licking as closely as possible. She’s definitely enjoying the scents and tastes. You could drop her on her head and she'd thank you if you kept your cock in her mouth. Maybe you heard her mumble something like “yummy”, but anything resembling consonants are far past the point of physiology and linguistics. If anything, holding Jiwoo upside down makes her look more like a used sex doll than the cute girl that she is. 

A whole lot of mess to clean up later. Cans of Febreeze, maybe some rags and a mop. New sheets, soaked with nearly every bodily fluid mouthfucking can provide. However, all that work pales to the pure torture you’ve put upon yourself to not cum.  It helps with how often you pull out of her mouth as for all her prodigal gagging, she also looks thankful when you give her moments to rest her jaw and lips. Somehow you're in control the entire time yet you have not an ounce of it, avoiding your inevitable fate. Finally, you can rest. Now you’re thankful you jerked off many times before this to last as long as you have. 

Of course, resting did mean you were on an office chair and she was on her knees, but still. It’s a break from all the exercise.

“You know oppa,” she says with a smile on her face.

“I was waiting for you to ask,” mumbling as she often does on your erection.

“Jiwoo-ah! Wear lip gloss.” How she manages to get that out so adorably with a cock in her mouth, you will never know.

“But I figured,” bobbing down, “I was sucking you off so sloppily,” and up, “It’d be such a waste of makeup.”

The girl made a point though you say, “I’d still like to see it one time. Alright? I don’t wanna have to ask either.”

“Okayyyy.” She says as she purrs on your dick. The little devil knows how weak you are when she talks with a full mouth. You still aren’t going to succumb this time. Pulling out of her mouth is as difficult as last time but you snap your head back and you snap your head away. 

"Nooo." A familiar cry. What if she didn't even like the taste of cum? No time for questions as your body falls apart in the clashing brass and woodwinds. The obnoxious dissonance making you pulse and pulse. You aim below her neck to allow the cum to drip down her collarbones and petite tits. Rub her nipples, sticky with your load and she lets out a little squeal when you tweak them.

"Pwetty pwease oppa. Your cumdump Chuu-ah really wants your cum." She puts her pointer on her swollen cheek. God, she's too much for one man but that’s the situation you put yourself in. 

Plop. 

Plop.

"Jiwoo, please. It's so sensitive," you whimper as she keeps sucking the tip.

"You get to do whatever you want oppa."

"Fuck.” Pull Jiwoo off of you. “Maybe I will."

You collect your load from her tits as an impressive volume drips down.

"Ahh," Jiwoo says but you push her down one last time with your unstained hand and your other uses a finger to penetrate her little pussy, providing it with the semen that she desperately wants.

"I hope this is good enough for now." Her squeaks in time with each finger on your sticky hand exploring her insides confirm that it is indeed.

A step closer and your rehardening cock finds her labia, small but inviting. She gasps and shudders as you tease her pussy lips in a familiar way. It’s just as sensitive for her as it is for you with how much she sweats and writhes from the shaft The friction of the pussyjob is unbearable and instead of juices dripping from within her, a heavy volume of watery liquid squirts out. 

“I’m so, I’m so sorry oppa.”

“It’s okay, Jiwoo.” You put the tip in. “Doesn’t that feel so good.”

“Yes! Thank you. Awwww,” She says when you pop it out. In another world, that tip pushes past and you ravage her. But at this point, you have standards to uphold.

“Be a good girl for me and you can have more, okay?” Give her a rainbow dildo to practice with.

"Oh I already have one, oppa. This looks like it fits better though. Well I guess worse considering how much bigger it is. Just like. Yours. Fuck."

Despite all her orgasms, she looks ready to masturbate yet another time.

"We can't just cum all day Jiwoo," you say. She sighs and nods in understanding.

“Where am I gonna hide this? It really stands out.”

“Just keep it inside you.” Her eyes light up. “No wait.”

Jiwoo giggles. “C’mon oppa, they should be back any time soon.”

You finish up some final touches in your recording. There’s definitely more hitches when it comes to dealing with vocal recordings in such an improvised setting but it’s certainly not as much of a problem as looking at any of the other members in the eyes as you stay for dinner.

✦✧✦✧✦✧

tYou tend to get in a rush when you procrastinate as much as you do. It’s her first album, there’s no reason to rush her first album. Besides, the strength of any artist’s work is in their sophomore album, since they’ve had forever to work on that first one and now people are expecting the second. In either case, you really have time, but you don’t let yourself feel that. Instead, mixing and recording, once a job you enjoyed doing, has turned into a series of stressors in your life.

Jiwoo’s in a rush too. Why is she in such a rush?

“Hello. Oppa. I. Uh. Heard you got into a fender bender.” Every word sounds laborious as she opens the door to the studio. You step out into the hallway then look left and right. Nothing out of place.

“Yeah, just some scratches. You okay, Jiwoo?”

Her lips tuck in when she walks forward even a step. “Yep, doing juust fine. We gonna get to recording or what?”

“I mean if you say so.”

Each step towards the booth has her hitch her breath just a little, but she looks focused as ever so you waste no time and hit record. Should you text another member and ask if anything's off about Jiwoo today? Her singing is fine, maybe a little more vocal fry in her voice than usual, but it fits the sultry ballad.

You text Chaewon as Jiwoo keeps trying out different intonations for the pre-chorus.

Chaewon: "she was all flirty and weird today"

You: "lmao aight, tell something idk"

"yeah yeah, but this is different" 

"different how? she's always like that"

Jiwoo sees you typing and stops her singing to ask if anything's wrong. You shake your head and wave your free hand, gesturing for her to continue.

"i guess less wordy and more touchy today? good luck, lmk if you figure it out"

"i will. see ya later" 

Curious. You set your phone down and inspect Jiwoo's eyes and her crinkled nose. Hmm. 

A few hours later, you’re still recording. For how well the session at the dorm went, it feels like you’re back to square one with all of her mistakes today. She had such a good first takes too but her vocal quality is definitely receding, and in a different way than usual.

“I need to go to the restroom. I’ll be back,” you say into the microphone.

You go quickly to relieve yourself. A lot of water today. Needed it looking at Jiwoo in whatever weird state she's in. For some godforsaken reason you have an urge to take her mouth right now and completely ruin her. This album is never coming out.

Slowly creak the door to the studio open. No need for surprise anymore. Jiwoo pulls out a dildo from her sobbing vagina in the vocal booth and drags it up her body. Her eyes are closed, her focus clearly on the sensation of the dildo finally removed for her. She really went through with your suggestion. Must've been in there for a while considering Chaewon noticed something off earlier today. The dildo meets Jiwoo's lips, both wet from her desire and she shoves it in as deep as she can in the first try. 

Walk towards the Macbook and notice that it's recording. Shit, how much space did you have left on it? Hopefully, not going to have to clean it up later.

Finally, her eyes open and she smiles looking at you while she touches herself with one hand and deepthroats herself with the other using the toy you gave her.  She pauses her masturbation for a moment, tapping her ear. A new audio clip in Ableton, so put on your headphones.

“Come here oppa. I did a bad job today, didn’t I?”

The only words she needs for you to drop everything and walk into the booth. 

“You did,” you say as you unbuckle.

In a single stroke, she swallows your cock, matching the reinsertion of the dildo into her pussy. Jiwoo makes a tight vacuum seal with her luscious lips and shows off how well she manages her breath. Air squeezes through in her nose as you rarely unfastened yourself from her suction, and as she rarely allowed you to. Her lips are a good cock ring, her mouth a fleshlight. At the very least, this gave you much patience with her recording, knowing you were allowed to use your frustrations to turn the talented young lady into an object to use.

It’s incredible how little she has to touch herself to achieve orgasm when your cock is in her mouth. To be fair, keeping the dildo as long as she has inside of her must be a feat of its own.

“Jiwoo. Did you have this in you all day? I bet you’d prefer it were the real thing, huh?”

“Mmmhm. Mmmm!" She convulses at once. The toy squeezes in and out of her while she moans and spills saliva all over your cock. “Fuck, I wanted to cum all day but I had to wait. It’s your turn now, right?”

Jiwoo pulls out the soaked dildo and with her little fingers teases the skin of your dick before maintaining a tight grip. Her hand’s perfect rhythm and all the sucking she’s done so far today gets you right there and over the edge as quickly as she did. You unload all over the colorful sex toy and Jiwoo doesn’t let you have time to think as she puts the cum-covered toy back inside her.

You suck in some air. ”Who said you could have that cum? Lie down on the couch.” No pretense. Is there love between you two? Pull down her spotted top before mounting her modest but perky tits. It’s been barely a minute yet you’re already ready and solid once again. She tries to lean her head forward to retrieve her oral punishment-

“Thank you!”

Reward. Now that you think about it, maybe this isn’t working. The supine girl beneath you flitters her lashes, curious as to why you haven’t yet thrust into her mouth.

“You know much I love to see you work for it. Go on.”

As your cock is standing upwards at attention, she struggles raising her head to match yours, gently poking her tongue out to lick the frenulum.

“Ahh. No fair! I can’t reach. Ppfh.” She spits on it in frustration. “Ppptt. Let me have it.”

Her tongue wiggles around fruitlessly. Spit on her face in retort and you both laugh looking at the mess you’ve made. Yet at last, after playing with her food for what feels like an eternity, Jiwoo manages to wrangle your head with her tongue, guiding it to her eager lips.

“Now I better not feel that barrier, okay? Track 1.” And slowly force your way into her throat. You feigned frustration with her inability to fully take you down, but this was heaven. Regardless, stopped by her cursed reflex, you say: 

“Not good enough.” You’d almost feel bad about this.

“Again.” If it didn’t feel so good.

“One more.” Another submersion into her sopping mouth, the friction of her soft lips and tongue opposes all the lubricating slop from her throat. 

Unsheathe. “Oppa, oppa wait. Let me get something. You’ll like it.” You concede, getting off of her, and she pulls from her purse bright red lip gloss. “Watch me stain your cock!”

In a rush, Jiwoo vandalizes her lips red. Her makeup artist would be embarrassed. Of course, that makeup artist would be outright scandalized if they could see the precious idol with her back hunched over the arm of the couch, her upside down face inviting you.

You walk up and give her a good view of your balls. Tickle her neck and she leans forward to plant a pure kiss. On your cock head. “You know we haven’t kissed once yet? You haven’t even said anything about how you feel about me!”

“Neither did you.” Move your hands from Jiwoo’s neck to her bare chest and play with her stiffening nipples.

“Well, let me show you.” She plants another smooch on your shaft. And another. Yet another, until it’s turned into a full-on makeout session with your penis. The upended Jiwoo has to twist herself to leave the entirety of your flesh marked with lipstick stains. However, her best work is her french kiss where takes your dick in and plays around with her tongue, as if the mindless beast could kiss back. She leans her head back out one more time to receive you.

A sharp push and her tiny tits respond with the subtlest jiggle. 

All but an inch of your shaft covered red. “I’m so close,” she pouts.

“Well, so am I.” You keep thrusting and feel your orgasm get closer. You’re on the edge.

“Mwah.” Her lips’ release leaves your blank head even emptier.  “Mwah mwah, mwah.” She fixes her top back and wipes around her lips.

She takes wet wipes then a mask from her purse while you stand dumbfounded. There are four walls in the room. Wires spill from your laptop. One, two, three, four. You are one beat away from orgasm.

Her voice snaps your focus back. “Oppa, that was a good recording session, but you know. Ha Rin unnie has to pick me up. Bye!” Jiwoo scampers away, wiping at her face.

You might actually explode next time, in more ways than one. Guess you deserve this one though.

✦✧✦✧✦✧

AFF, AO3

Just wanted to get one more thing done before the new year so I chose this since like I said, this was originally written as one part. In fact, this is actually the very first smut I wrote. However, I kept getting stuck and adding more, so a trilogy it is then. That’s right, one last one coming up!

[robininthelabyrinth]

Tedious Joys - Chapter 8 - END

- Ao3 link -

“You’re not going to like what we’ve decided,” Lao Nie said.

Lan Qiren could have guessed that from the way that the other man had marched into the room and promptly used Lan Qiren’s thigh as a pillow, primarily, Lan Qiren suspected, because he didn’t want to have to look Lan Qiren in the face.

It was a common tactic of his these days. The Nie clan had always been inclined towards tactile behavior and a certain lack of personal boundaries – personal information was too much to share, but apparently bodies were free game – and Lao Nie had very quickly transitioned from embarrassment to taking advantage of his newfound dependency on regular physical contact with Lan Qiren. Much to Lan Qiren’s relief, they had managed, with some experimenting and considerable effort on all parts involved, for Lao Nie to form a bond directly with the jade pendant. Now, as long as he carried the pendant, he was able to be by himself for a shichen or so without experiencing any degradation in his mental state – and that, in turn, enabled them both to separate and allowed them both some measure of privacy.

Unfortunately, after that shichen was over, Lao Nie would begin to become irritable and irrational again, his eyes slowly becoming bloodshot as the rage and resentful energy contained now wholly within him, rather than in the jade – in Jiwei, rather – began to need to be excised. Exercise and cultivation with a heavy training saber helped slow the effects, as did Lan Qiren’s musical efforts to calm and clear his mind, but Lao Nie’s cultivation was simply too high for it to last for very long. It was as if half his meridians had vanished overnight and yet he continued to cultivate as he did before; it was as if his dominant arm had been abruptly cut off, and yet he instinctively continued to try to do everything he previously could. He needed his saber to complete even a standard circulation of his qi, and short of suppressing his spiritual energy entirely (another experiment that met with some limited success, getting them another two shichen of time apart if they really needed it, but which was not a long-term solution given the unfortunate side effects), he had to have access to it.

Currently, that access was through Lan Qiren.

“If you’re warning me in advance, I’m quite certain that I won’t like it,” he said mildly, continuing to play uninterrupted. He wasn’t cultivating anything at the moment – the piece he was working on was actually a refinement of the music he’d inadvertently created in his grief at Cangse Sanren’s death, the one that had made his normally very stable nephews burst into tears, and he didn’t want to add spiritual energy to it until he’d worked out exactly how he wanted it to go. He reached an appropriate stopping place, noted down a few revisions to the score, and put his guqin aside. “You should tell me about it regardless.”

Lao Nie exhaled. “Well, good news first – the smiths have finally finished conferring and they’ve concluded that they believe it’s possible to try reforging Jiwei, so they’re willing to give it a try.”

“Good,” Lan Qiren said. He hadn’t really understood the spiritual weaponsmiths’ reluctance on the subject, but he respected their expertise as craftsmen, just as they respected his as a musician. “Once the saber has been remade, I can reestablish the resonance between them and, in theory, Jiwei should be able to use that pathway to return - and with greater ease, as she would be returning to her more familiar self.”

“Not that easy, unfortunately,” Lao Nie said regretfully. “Jiwei was shattered. To remake the blade, they will need to – for want of a better explanation – melt her down and start entirely afresh. It will be like having a wholly different saber, albeit with the same metal that she’s used to.”

Lan Qiren frowned.

“There, you see the issue. If it’s a new saber, the familiarity will be absent. We will need to work on reestablishing the resonance the way we did with the pendant, and that means –”

“Slowly.” Lan Qiren’s frown deepened. It had taken him years to establish that initial resonance, and knowing how it was done could only reduce the process by so much. “That is indeed a problem. I cannot stay here as long as that would take. In all truth, I am surprised that I have not already been summoned back by my sect…”

“Oh, you have,” Lao Nie said cheerfully. “A-Jue burned the letters and told the messengers to fuck off.”

Lan Qiren’s jaw dropped. “He did what?!”

“Did we not say? You’ve officially been kidnapped! Well, no, really it’s more of a hostage exchange situation, since they have A-Sang with them…oh, don’t look so horrified, Qiren,” Lao Nie said, starting to laugh. “Your sect elders have indicated that no offense was taken, under the circumstances.”

“Circumstances?!” Lan Qiren spluttered a little. “You’re not serious! What circumstances could justify one sect kidnapping another sect’s sect leader, acting or otherwise?!”

Lao Nie stopped laughing, the sound cutting off as if he’d been choked. “Yes, well,” he said, closing his eyes. “That’s the part you’re really not going to like.”

Lan Qiren determinedly prodded at Lao Nie’s shoulder until the other man, grumbling, sat up and took a proper seat so that they could have this discussion face-to-face. Their knees remained touching, which was good enough, and about all that the scoundrel deserved at the moment.

“Explain,” Lan Qiren ordered, and Lao Nie dipped his head into a nod.

“There are several relevant points,” he said crisply, dropping into the familiar pattern of a report. “First, Hanhan has clearly decided that he wants me dead –”

“Must you?” Lan Qiren interjected, even though he had not meant to interrupt.

“Oh, I must.” Lao Nie’s eyes were flinty. “He decided that if he couldn’t have me – and no one said he couldn’t, except his own paranoia – that if he couldn’t, no one could, and I’m not about to forgive him for that, don’t worry. But he’s still my Hanhan, my A-Han, underneath all his madness, and for my own sake, I’m not going to let anyone, whether him or me, forget it. No matter how necessary, some things have to hurt, and to their fullest extent...However, that’s not what’s relevant now. May I continue?”

Lan Qiren nodded.

“He wants me dead,” Lao Nie said, resuming his narrative. “Now that he tried once, he may try again, and I currently lack the capability to defend myself – the doctors, and you, have all agreed that I should avoid any excessive use of qi, and fighting a battle with a saber that isn’t Jiwei is a recipe for disaster in the best of times. I can’t exactly swing the pendant around, can I? Moreover, it may take years for us to establish the resonance, re-transfer Jiwei, and for me to re-familiarize myself with the new saber.”

Lan Qiren did not like the way this was going.

“There’s also the matter that I can’t be without physical contact with you for extended periods of time, and you of course have your responsibility to your sect,” Lao Nie continued. “Kidnapping you is, at best, a temporary fix. We will need something more permanent, and your sect elders have already indicated that they won’t let you marry out until your nephews are grown – and obviously we can’t wait that long, even assuming you’d want to marry me.”

Lan Qiren opened his mouth.

“Don’t say that you’d be willing to make the sacrifice to marry me, because even if you would, I wouldn’t. Putting aside the fact that you wouldn’t be happy leaving the Cloud Recesses and as much as I adore you, having been married before, I’m quite certain that I only want to marry my lovers, thank you.”

Lan Qiren had, in fact, been about to make an offer just like that, but he kept his mouth shut. They could discuss it at length at a later point.

“In short, the best solution to all of these problems, therefore, appears to be to allow events to play out as Hanhan would have wanted: for me to die.”

“You cannot be serious!” Lan Qiren exclaimed, abruptly furious. “After all the effort we put into saving your life, you would just throw it away?”

Lao Nie held up his hands. “Forgive me, I spoke unwisely – ‘do not take your words lightly’, right?”

Lan Qiren was usually very easily distracted by the mention of the Lan sect rules, but he resisted the temptation and glared.

“I didn’t mean I’d actually die,” Lao Nie said, and Lan Qiren’s shoulders relaxed a little. “Only that that would be the story we put out to the world. The process has already begun – that’s why your sect elders aren’t kicking up a fit about A-Jue being so rude to them about refusing to return you.”

“They think he’s in mourning,” Lan Qiren realized. “Whether actual, or merely preemptive.”

He could see how it might appear that way: Nie Mingjue showing up late in the evening, depositing a shaken and terrified Nie Huaisang, using up all the medical supplies in Lan Qiren’s personal possession, and then asking Lan Qiren to return home with him…

Due to Lan Qiren’s friendship with Lao Nie, Nie Mingjue had grown up especially close to the Lan sect; Lan Qiren had been his teacher, and in the end he was only fifteen, even if most people didn’t know that. Even in a world where Lao Nie could not have been saved, he might have refused to let Lan Qiren go home so quickly, seeking comfort from the sole familial authority, however informally constituted, that he had remaining.

“But Lao Nie,” Lan Qiren said slowly. “If you are supposedly dead, then Mingjue will need to become sect leader.”

Lao Nie grimaced, but nodded.

He’d been right about one thing, at least: Lan Qiren did not like what the Nie sect had decided.

He didn’t like it one bit.

“You know what that will do to him,” he said. He himself knew it better than anyone.

“I do,” Lao Nie confirmed, looking pained. “But it’s the best out of a short list of very bad options. If I stay on as sect leader in my current state, someone will kill me – probably Hanhan, but maybe someone else, one of the many small sects that have ambitions of taking the Nie sect’s place – and if that happens, A-Jue will have to become sect leader in truth, without my support. At least this way, I can act as an advisor, aid him with paperwork…that sort of thing.”

As much as Lan Qiren would have liked to argue, he didn’t have a good rebuttal to that.

Lao Nie’s position within the Nie sect was as secure as anything, and the Nie sect’s position as a Great Sect was nearly as unshakable, but there were always smaller sects looking to see whether that could change. If he were known to be so critically weakened...Wen Ruohan might not even need to kill him personally. He’d just need to wait.

And the rest was true, too. There were many things Lao Nie could do from a distance - his month at the Lan sect had shown that much - and having someone reliable to turn to for advice and hard choices was the ideal sort of transition for a new sect leader.

Still, the sect conferences alone would be horrifying, and those Lao Nie would not be able to aid Nie Mingjue with, even if he could help with all the rest.

He hated it.

But he couldn’t argue against it.

“Moreover, without the bulk of the responsibilities of sect leader on my shoulders, I’ll have more opportunity to focus on healing.”

That was true as well. Lao Nie had been hurt very deeply by Jiwei’s destruction. His cultivation had fallen, his usual cultivation pathway denied to him, his trust in his own mental well-being betrayed…in an ideal world, Lan Qiren would recommend seclusion for a few months, maybe even a year, for him to focus on reestablishing his connection with himself, re-centering his foundation so that he could climb up once more. But for a sect leader, that was impossible.

“Very well,” Lan Qiren said, although he made sure by his tone to make clear how much he disapproved. “I understand the basis for your decision.”

“I thought you might.”

“There’s only one flaw I see with your plan.”

“Oh?”

Lan Qiren folded his hands together in front of him. “You still need me, don’t you? Even with the excuse of mourning, Nie Mingjue can only request my presence for so long before the demands of my sect become paramount over their respect for his filial piety and grief.”

“Oh, we’ll let you go back eventually,” Lao Nie said with a shrug. “And I’d go with you.”

Lan Qiren had been expecting that. “And how exactly do you intend to keep the story of your death intact if you’re living with me at the Cloud Recesses? Even if we increase your tolerance such that you can stay home at all times, my home is often visited by my students, including those from other sects – and while there may be a rule against talking behind people’s backs, it is one of the most commonly broken.”

Lao Nie winced in a way that suggested both that he had thought of an answer to that question and also that Lan Qiren was going to hate it.

“Whatever you say, I cannot dislike it more than A-Jue becoming sect leader at fifteen,” Lan Qiren pointed out.

“I don’t know about that,” Lao Nie said. “Given that to this day you despise the smell of gentians.”

Lan Qiren’s brain came to an abrupt halt.

“Absolutely not,” he said.

“Qiren…”

“Absolutely not.”

“It’s a good solution,” Lao Nie argued. “No one in your sect goes to that house – most of them don’t even know it exists! It’s within a short walking distance of your home, protected by arrays to enhance silence and protect privacy…”

“I am not locking you in He Kexin’s place!” Lan Qiren bellowed.

“You wouldn’t be locking me anywhere,” Lao Nie said, for once the reasonable and calm one in the face of Lan Qiren’s fury. “I would be going willingly, and I would be free to leave at any time. You’re not your brother, Qiren, and I’m not He Kexin – not least of which because I’m neither capable of nor interested in bearing two sons for you as a means of passing the time.” He paused, tilting his head to the side. “A bit of a pity, that. I’m sure they’d be cute.”

Lan Qiren rolled his eyes at him, although the reassurance and humor had helped douse the worst of his terror at the mere idea. Irritatingly, it was a good solution: he had made the trek to He Kexin’s home hundreds of times and no one had ever raised any questions. In the unlikely event that they did so now, he could claim he was merely tending to the garden to maintain it for his nephews; more likely, however, they would simply not notice – the path between the two locations was short and purposefully discrete.

“You’ll need someone to clean the place,” he pointed out. “Even He Kexin had servants, and if you don’t want anyone from the Lan sect finding out about it…”

“I have some servants that are loyal to me personally, and which are not Nie sect disciples,” Lao Nie said. “They can seek employment at the Cloud Recesses on the basis that they didn’t want to remain here after I’d gone – literally true, if you think about it in a certain light. Your sect would snatch them up in a heartbeat.”

They would, too, even without Lan Qiren interfering: properly trained servants who knew how to serve cultivators were a precious commodity that often had to be raised up from a young age or recruited with great caution from the ranks of rogue cultivators, and ones with the skills and experience that came from serving at another Great Sect were even more valued than most. And once they were part of the Cloud Recesses, there would be no difficulty in Lan Qiren adding the task of caring for He Kexin’s house to their list of duties.

“It’s a good plan,” he finally conceded, and Lao Nie sniggered.

“You look as though you’ve bitten into a lemon, Qiren. Did it hurt to say?”

“It hurt to think,” he retorted, and turned back to his guqin. “Will you visit my brother while you’re there? He might enjoy hearing your voice and knowing that you are close.”

Lao Nie had always refused in the past, and he shook his head now. “Not all of us are as forgiving as you, Qiren. Qingheng-jun made his choices.”

“That was a long time ago.”

“He makes them again every day,” Lao Nie disagreed. “He may have declared that he would stay in seclusion for the rest of his life to make amends, but that was his decision. He could break his oath and come out, do the right thing, but he doesn’t want to.”

It was an old argument, and an unproductive one. Lan Qiren shook his head, signaling that he would no longer engage.

He had other things to be concerned with, and would for some time. There was helping with Lao Nie’s recovery, creating the new resonance, playing calming music for him, keeping his secret; he would also need to help support Nie Mingjue as much as possible during his transition to sect leader, whether through correspondence and advice or through active intervention during the discussion conferences. He would need to manage his nephews, who he had taught so carefully not to lie, and yet they would need to learn to keep this secret, too.

Taking care of Lao Nie would also be an additional set of duties, on top of being sect leader and being a teacher and being himself, but Lan Qiren didn’t mind it.

It wouldn’t be so bad, actually, now that he thought of it without prejudice. To have someone close by to take tea with in the afternoons when his nephews were too busy and it wasn’t the right time of year for students, someone with whom he could speak on any range of subjects, including his occasional frustrations with his sect, stories about his students, the political troubles of the day – a friend close by, rather than at a distance. Someone who would probably encourage him to take more exercise than he usually did, to try things outside of his comfort zone, someone who would listen to his ideas on music or the rules without judgment, someone who would share his burdens and support him…it would be a little like having a wife, but without all the inconvenient aspects that he so thoroughly disliked.

“It’s not too bad, as such things go,” Lao Nie said, his thoughts clearly moving along a similar line as Lan Qiren’s. “Whatever the world thinks, I’ll be the first Nie sect leader to live to enjoy a retirement, however premature.”

This was true.

“I’ll miss my boys, of course,” Lao Nie added. “But I’ll write, and you can invite A-Sang to your lectures when he’s old enough. A-Jue can come visit you, sect leader to sect leader…I wouldn’t be the first father to only see his children a few times a year.”

“Nie Huaisang will probably fail my classes,” Lan Qiren said, having been acquainted with the individual in question for some time now. A clever child, even very clever, but he was also lazy, hated reciting facts, and was as stubborn as a rock – as stubborn as his father. “You’ll probably have the joy of him for several summers in a row.”

Lao Nie smiled.  

“Well, I can’t say this was what I expected when I wrote to you for help all those years ago,” he joked, leaning down and playing with the jade token that now hung from his belt rather than Lan Qiren’s. Wen Ruohan would probably have a fit if he ever saw it – indeed, Lan Qiren was already looking forward to that day in the future, however distant, where Lao Nie would regain his saber and his former strength and re-emerge to make his feelings on the subject of Wen Ruohan’s actions clear. “But I’m still glad you came.”

“As am I, my friend,” Lan Qiren said. “As am I.”

[shesawriter39049]

|FEVER| M|

Pairing: Namjoon X Reader

About- Namjoon just has a kink for letting you do whatever the hell you want with him...Whether that be putting him in a hot pink suit shirtless! Or, telling him he’s a good boy as he fucks you into oblivion!

OR- Namjoon and yourself hooked up 5 months ago when the boys were in London on Tour, and you were the creative director for there British GQ & Harper’s Bazzar Cover! Now, months later he’s prepping to release his second mixtape “RM vs Rap Monster”. Opting to go a complete 360 from his first release Mono in all realms. So, with that being said BigHit thinks he needs someone with a little more... “umph” Take a wild guess as to who they call...

WC:1.2k (Sneak peek)

WARNINGS: Switch OC (Top & Bottom...but there's no real dom/sub tones here) Service top/power bottom Namjoon, praise kink, Fingering, Unprotected sex(Back shot), come play, dirty talk, light choking, light overstimulation, (This is lowkey a little softer than it sounds) The OC kinda leads this, but Joon isin’t the cliché “sub” he just likes letting her take control.

NOTE- Just my take on the OG cliché Artist X Stylist AU (Though she’s more of a full package, Art Director/Stylist/Photographer ETC) I have tried to add some minor elements to make it a little more realistic. I will say I typically stray from “Idol-verse” just because if we’re being real, the cultural difference alone sometimes stunts my creativity...BUT I just had a little fun with this one...so I hope you all enjoy it. Also, I don’t go into much physical details but in my mind regardless of race, aesthetic wise the OC is a huge contrast to what he’s use to which is part of her appeal. I picture a tatted Barbie of some sorts...

SIDE NOTE: No shade, but shade, I was lowkey inspired to write this bc I have very strong opinions about the creative team at BH....

*** Let me know if you guys want the full thing or not...I kidna flaked on posting because it is such a cliché lol

SONG- FEVER DUA LIPA  FT ANGELE

~~~~~~~

“Well, it’s a yes for me” Eyeing him in this Hot pink-fitted Burliti suit, which you paired with a very sheer black Arnar Mar turtle neck. The minute you saw the piece on the runway you’d been dying to get it on someone with melanated skin, and it just so happens, the boys are fresh off the US leg of their stadium tour! So, lucky for you, baby boy’s been in the sun a lot, and Namjoon’s currently a sinful shade of brown and you're totally here for it…

Then to top it off, the mesh material of the turtle neck creates the perfect silhouette around his offensively toned chest, outlining the muscles sinfully. Eternally snorting at the way the fans are gonna thank and curse you out all at the same damn time once they see the looks you’ve pulled for this man!

And yes, you had your crew bring extended shades of foundation and concealer, because his face and neck will match if your name is going to be attached to these damn photos! 

Head tilted to the side as you silently observe the way he rakes over his reflection in the mirror, it’s a sixth sense you’ve acquired as a stylist at this point. Half of your job is essentially being a hype man/self love coach, real shit, a lot of these artist aren't always as...confident as one may think!

And just like clockwork Namjoon runs his palm down his thighs, smoothing out nonexistent wrinkles on his pants for the umpteenth time in the span of oh I don’t know 30 seconds? Which in turn prompts you to say….

“You look good Joonie...” Musing over your second glass of Don, the compliment was genuine, tone warm, soothing even, not a hint flirtation insight because that wasn’t your motive. You weren’t trying to get him flustered you’re just trying to gas him up a little, you wanted to see Namjoon get alittle cocky and feel himself!

Ears perking up like an overgrown puppy, head whipping in your direction “Yeah?” The way this man’s eyes just lit up like the soul skyline. I just-goddamn, an almost bashful smile toys on those plush lips of his, and you can’t help the way your chest flutters with nothing but fondness.

“So fuckin cute” Flutters off your lips, as you hide a smile of your own behind a half empty whine glass. The delivery was so faint it almost go lost in the background music floating through the air. However the slight flush hitting his cheeks let you know Namjoon heard you whether he wanted to admit it or not!

”Mmmhmm, the color looks fuckin insane against your skin, not to mention, the way everything's going to pop once we tone your hair a little! “ Eyes drinking him in from head to toe, though there was nothing suggestive playing within your iris. Very much aware of time and place and right now your genuinely looking respectfully! Seeing if any alterations are needed, making sure you like where everything sits along his frame. Making notes in your phone of places you want to pin and adjust later...snapping a couple shots here and there. 

Licking his lips anxiously as he plays with the lapels on the blazer “But like-I mean-I- dont’-It doesn’t look like I’m... trying too hard or anything?” Brows furrowed in the center of his face, jaw tight, wincing slightly at his own words, almost as if he was afraid of your response. The vulnerability within his delivery was more than evident, and no matter how common this is with artist, it’s still just as devastating! Regardless of how much he tried to play it off as if he was just making casual conversation, you can see how blatantly uncomfortable he is . Gazing back at you wide eyed, and uncannily exposed, pointing at the outfit in question. Licking his lips anxiously as he plays with the the blazer, switching posses subtlety trying to get a better feel for the suit.  

You stayed silent for a minute, taking the time to actually process before speaking which is rare, not gonna lie. Gaze piercing as you hop off the bed, wine, and accessories in hand, swaying closer. “It’s fashion”. The baited pause almost implied that’s all you had to say, as if one-word was self-sufficient, and in your mind it was...but you knew better than to just leave it at that.

“Art at its finest Mr. Kim” You smile something a little devious, and he flushes even deeper as you slowly start to invade his space eyes locked with him meaningfully. You can physically see the shift, the closer you get, Namjoon starts fidgeting slightly under your gaze but he doesn't back down.

“It gives you room to play, create...it’s something that let’s us connect to people without saying a damn thing.” Suddenly the hand that wasn’t holding your alcohol has become a prop, flailing around haphazardly as you spoke, pointing at the various pieces hanging on clothes racks in your suite! The penthouse has essentially been transformed into your own personal walk in closet for the next 5 or so days! “It’s a statement. A opportunity to tap into a side of yourself that maybe you can’t always verbally articulate to the world around you! More importantly, it’s supposed to be fun, it’s literally something that can be removed within seconds! I mean we all have to wear clothes so why not just enjoy it?”  Head cocked to the side as you appraise him, brow quirked, eyes warm, yet there's a clear challenge playing within your gaze.

Namjoon’s watching you intently, almost as if he’s taking mental notes as you speak...the heaviness within those dangerously honed eyes of his could almost be unsettling to some, but you quite like it. Made you feel as though he actually gives a flying fuck about what you’re saying.

“In my opinion the only time it looks like someone’s “Trying too hard” Making little air bunnies with your spare hand “Is if they look uncomfortable in what they’re wearing, confidence is key, and I know you know that better than anyone RM!” You muse batting your lashes in Namjoon’s direction, and he dimples back at you, eyes sinking into tiny crescents, face rivaling the color of his suit, trying to hide said smile behind his own glass of champagne.  

“I could put you in a damn clown suit...” Words trailing off your tongue lackadaisically as you grow distracted searching the bar for a specific chain from John Hardy. “Which” Focus snapping back in his direction making the later splutter a little “Would be fire as fuck if I did by the way, but-”  Namjoon ended up cackling midsentence, almost choking on his drink in the process, fist pounding against his sternum.

Yeah..killing the leader of Bangtan wasn’t really high on your list tonight....

“Ayee, none of that shit...” Smacking him in the back a little more so just to be an ass because he wasn’t even choking anymore “Don’t die on me until we at least get this damn photoshoot done, I had to cancel my trip to Jamaica for this shit!”

Now he’s damn near choking and his laugh was contagious, it’s just.. loud, carefree so yes, your cackling, and there's nothing cute about it. But you honestly don’t care, you let yourself get lost in it! Finally able to feel the atmosphere in the room start to shift to something a little less scripted and a little more organic...

Throwing his hands in the air as If he’s waving a nonexistent white flag “I’m sorry, noona” There’s a pout playing in his lips, not exactly aegyo per say, but it’s fuckin adorable “Blame PD-nim, it’s his fault we had to do this so last minute” Wheezes from his throat, in the form of a slight whine, almost rivaling Jimin if I’m honest.

You already know he was laughing more so due to your delivery, specifically, your casual use of profanity over anything else. This is actually something you use to be self-conscious about, especially at your first shoot with the boys, at the shoot for GQ . Well aware it wasn’t as common in Asia for people especially women to use “fuck” like a comma. So you were hoping they wouldn’t be offended, or uncomfortable by your dialect, and, thankfully they didn’t seem to mind. Much like Joonie over here, they found it entertaining over anything.

“Yeah, a huh, sureee...” Eyes rolling to the back of your head playfully as you start lightly altering the suit in question with clips and pens. “Stay still babe” The pet name slipped off your tongue effortlessly, honestly, that's what you call most people in your life. However you were far too focused to notice how wide eyed and flustered the man before you became upon hearing it directed at him so casually.

A faint little “Sorry” muses off his lips as he gnaws on his inner cheek, trying to stay still as you ghetto-rig hems into place until you can get this under your sewing needle.

“ No, but real shit…” You sigh, taking on a slightly more serious tone “If you step in front of that camera like you own the bitch, regardless of what your wearing..., then they can’t tell you shit! If your comfortable there’s no such thing as trying too hard” You shrug nonchalantly like that was the simplest concept known to man, downing the rest of your drink “Alright, that’s all, thanks for coming to my Ted talk” Waving him off as if you’re about to leave the room and he pouted playfully, jokingly begging you not to leave him yet...it felt good to be able to banter like this. The shift continuous shift within the atmosphere was more than welcomed…

Hesitantly you watch his eyes find their way back to the full length mirror, which promptly smacks you back to reality!

Unfortunately you didn't fly all the way to Seoul just to drink,  and shoot shit with Namjoon for hours on end,  your actually here to work…

Sooo...

“Alright” Placing your arms on his shoulders, giving him a reassuring squeeze as you peer over his shoulder. Meeting his gaze through the glass, chin resting gently against the blade. “Back to the reason you came Mr. “I’m sooo anxiously” Shooting him a teasing little smirk in the process “The suit, yay or nay”

So, here’s the thing technically the official fitting is tomorrow, and as far as his team knows he’s in the studio with Yoongi and Hoseok finishing up a song!

Which of course raises the question as to why he’s here..alone..mind you..no staff or security in site.

Just Kim Namjoon and yourself.....

~~~~

Heyyyy, Lemme know if you guys want this or not, it will leave kinda open ended because it was supposed to kinda be a 3 part mini series initially. Part 1 ends the morning of the shoot, the full thing is set to be around 6/7k! Spoiler, the company is going to want to keep her around for more than just Namjoon’s solo project....

Also, YES...I did see that they actually put Tae in that Burliti suit (I wrote this long before that shoot was released)...I actually hated the way it was styled it though...I never thought I’d say this but MGK’s team did a better job than BH....

[wevegottogetaway]

Thanks fo’ saving my ass tonight

I got so much going on with uni, but I couldn’t resist. If you too are queen/king of procrastinating uni work, you have my deepest support! Hope you enjoyed x

TW: none (except fool language)

Part 2    -    Part 3*

Office parties have never been y/n’s cup of tea, the idea of enjoying yourself in the very place people usually count down the hours before they can leave, is rather ludicrous in her humble opinion. Alas as the boss’ personal assistant, she not only had to plan and organize the whole shebang but her presence was also required, supervision purposes and all that. The only solace sweetening the deal for her was that she’d be in charge of the catering too, and y/n learnt very early on that good food and greater booze could make any boring work function at least tolerable.

Now that the festivities are in full swing, conversation flowing almost as heartily as the champagne in the guests’ eager mouths, y/n thinks she did quite well. The vast open space of the office is decorated with taste, the music set at the perfect level as to not overpower the boring chitchat bouncing off its walls, and to her greatest delight, the catering company she hired has truly outdone themselves. All in all, everybody seems to be having a grand time, and y/n decides that’s reason enough to officially relieve herself of her supervisor’s duties.

As she scans over the assortment of canapés, mini-quiches, crudités and other mouth-watering ambrosias, y/n fails to notice the tall figure casually approaching her. She’s in the midst of pondering whether she should try the humous or a cream cheese and salmon toast first, mouth salivating and stomach growling in appetite, when a raspy voice interrupts her inner battle, "I see m’not the only one who’s here just fo’ the food".

Her eyes pop off the delicious hors d’oeuvres to the sight gracing them next and she doesn’t know which is the most appetizing. Because standing a few feet from her is Harry, vibrant smile and pretty dimples on show, as he leans over the verrines platter to pick the best-looking one. He’s wearing an olympic blue floral suit on top of a scandalously unbuttoned transparent shirt, a bold number that would grant anyone else looks of surprise and confusion but looked absolutely divine on his broad frame. Besides, after two years working at the office, everyone had gotten used to his unconventional fashion choices by now.

Y/n quirks an eyebrow in curiosity as she dips a cucumber stick in a bowl of humous, before quipping, "not a big fan of these things?"

Harry lets out a small chuckle in a ‘no kidding’ way, and attaches his emerald eyes to hers, "they’re kind of a drag, if m’bein’ honest."

She smiles at his admission, realizing they both share an aversion for mundanities, "I know right. Like, why party here where everyone has to be on their best behavior when we could be down at the bar without the boss gallivanting around?" she cries out in exasperation and not for the first time, Harry thinks she’s quite possibly the most endearing thing he’s ever seen. His smile widens the tiniest bit at her passionate rant, "my thoughts exactly. Do we even know what we’re supposed to celebrate?" The question makes her laugh, she wouldn’t have known either if not for her involvement in the affair, "well as the person behind this all drag," she give him a pointed look at his jeering choice of word, "it would be weird if I didn’t."

Harry’s face falls at the possibility of having offended her, but his uneasiness quickly dissipates when she starts laughing at him. "M’sorry, that came out wrong," he tells her before letting out a giggle of his own and y/n revels in the moment. The idea of interacting with him beyond the usual ‘here’s the presentation for today’s conference’ or ‘do you have the quarterly report ready’ is rather intoxicating for her already feeble nerves. "Don’t worry, I take no offense, I’m just as bored as you are," she reassures him with a smile, "the party is for a new potential investor, something about wooing them with some ‘corporate fun’. S’a load of bullshit if you ask me".

Harry nods at the explanation unimpressed, his boss’ intentions being the least of his worries. Aside from being the classic douche every manager typically insists on being, the guy has always made his distaste about him pretty clear, so Harry would rather focus on more interesting things. Like how beautiful y/n looks right now, her hair tied up in a loose bun at the top of her head, leaving a few strands to fall around her face. "You look amazing, by the way," he brings himself to say, though he thinks his compliment doesn’t even do her justice.

Y/n looks down at her own outfit then: a knee-length red dress composed of a skater skirt and a backless top that only holds with a couple pressure buttons clasped behind her neck. Her cheeks warm up to match the color of her apparel, betraying the timidity she’s always fallen victim of whenever he happened to be in her vicinity. Y/n’s never been one to shy away from her feelings or trip over her own words when facing her crushes, but there is something about Harry that teleports her right back to her sheepish 13 year-old teenage self. Also, she’s not too keen on office romances and the drama that usually ensues so she’s always made sure to stifle her blossoming attraction and keep their relation work-appropriate. Surely that must account for most of her awkwardness, doesn’t it?

Her eyes trail back to his face and her response comes in a shy euphemism, "thank you, you clean up quite nicely yourself." It’s enough to quirk Harry’s lips in a bashful smile, their  complexion evidently on edge as they tread uncharted territories. Professionalism has always regimented their interactions with kind but polite rigidness, neither of them quite inclined to cross that invisible line, but tonight seems to challenge that.

Tonight, Harry is resolute in his infatuation, no longer inhibited from social construct but driven by a quest for knowledge; anything that will help him decipher her carefully shielded crux. Tonight, he endeavors to scrape the edges of her rough diamond to expose the gem encapsulated inside, peel back the stoic layers of her exterior to find her unapologetic and intrinsic nature. Tonight, he is thirsty for secrets and confidential disclosures, and he won’t leave until he’s drained it all out of her. Unless she tells him to fuck off, obviously.

Harry keeps the conversation going as he browns the buffet for a new delicacy to snack on, "so, what would you be doing if you didn’t have to be here?" He wants to know everything, the present and the past, the good and the bad, the superficial and the substance, the messy and the orderly, but he figures he should start by what she likes to do in her own time. The things that loosen her up after a tense week at work, the things that will make her eyes shine with passion as she relates them back to his curious mind.

The question reaches her ears as she takes a sip of her drink, "mmm," she smiles around her glass before placing it back on the table, "-that’s easy. Playing pool with the gang at Gibson’s." Her answer spills without hesitation, a heap of follow-up questions already brewing up in Harry’s brain, but the foreign name is what beckons his attention first, "Gibson’s?" he echoes with a faint rumple pulling the skin between his eyes. Is that the name of a friend? A boyfriend? Out of all the questions he’s contemplated, y/n’s relationship status never crossed his mind. He’s always assumed her to be a single woman, the evidence of a significant other never present in her language and demeanor.

A wave of relief washes over him at her elaboration, "it’s a bar couple blocks from my place. It’s been my friends and I’s HQ ever since we all met." The sentiment has her eyes sparkle at the remembrance of all the happy memories the place hosted, and Harry stores the information in his mental list of all y/n’s soft spots.

"Sounds rad, so you play pool?" he inquires with enthusiasm. He’s been knows to play a game or two in his youth, though it’s been a hot minute since he’s felt the weight of the cue in his hands as he sinks ball after ball in their respective pockets. He remembers the elation of it all, the adrenaline coursing through his veins at each successful strike, and his heart flutters at the thought of ever sharing a game with her; she seems like the competitive type in the most entertaining way possible. Before his thoughts can spiral into much filthier realms, like bending her over the table mid-game when his own skills prevail and she turns into a sore-loser, y/n’s voice rings him back to reality.

"Uh uh, correction," her expression suddenly turns in false seriousness before she proves him right about her competing tendencies, "I win at pool." Her eyes are so full of confidence, a spice of mischief sparkling in their corner, she would have no difficulty persuading anyone of anything that passes the threshold of her mouth. Harry certainly doesn’t doubt her mastery of the bar game, but it doesn’t stop him from challenging her in a slightly elevated pitch, "oh is that so?"

Y/n only grins at the banter, not at all fazed by his taunting remark, "maybe you’ll have to find out for yourself." She reaches for another snack, not taking her come-hither look off his handsome face, and Harry revels in her flirtatious advances, a smug smile taking possession of his lips as he surfs of the same wave of seduction. "Is that a challenge?" he philanders back, fueling the sensual back-and-forth they seem to have embarked upon.

"Not much of a challenge if I know I’ll win," y/n replies with cheek, her self-assurance once again burgeoning like sexy wildflowers sprouting from the ground underneath Harry’s feet, wrapping around his ankle and growing along his body to twine around his spellbound heart. He absolutely loves her unfaltering aplomb, finds it undoubtably sexy but he can’t let her know that just yet.

"Cocky."

"Confident."

They both chuckle at their repartee, enjoying this ping-pong of quick-witted banter they’ve never found in anybody else before. It’s like their intellects were meant to collide in galvanizing forces, the encounter of two fiery psychs too brilliant to one up the other.

Harry is mesmerized by their connection, if he knew sparks would fire this bright, he would have made a move ages ago. "Fuck, you’re something else," he shakes his head in incredulity before confessing, "definitely not what I expected."

Y/n’s chest tingles at his comment, a rivulet of liquid glee leaking through her arteries to pump her heart and her ego full of bliss, "Oh so you expected something, did you?" She punctuates her teasing with a thousand-watts power smirk, and Harry finds it strikingly alluring.

Not about to let her have the upper hand however, a burst of smugness crosses his features as he boomerangs her earlier allurement back to her, "maybe you’ll have to find out for yourself." It earns him a deep jazzy laugh rooted in her tummy and a tinge of pride swirling in his own. He wants to pry laugh after laugh from her belly until her last giggle, only relenting once the muscles in her chest are aching from unbridled joy.

Y/n sighs in content before taking a bite out of a mini-tartlet as she considers how to proceed in this much too flirty conversation. "So what would you be doing tonight, if not for this stupid party?" she returns his first question before realizing,  "-wait a sec, what are you doing here if you hate these things so much? My presence was mandatory but yours isn’t."

"I’ll have you know I was coerced into coming too," he quips back in a fake defensive tone, hand pressing to his chest, "Mike from accounting begged me to tag along, he just broke up with his girlfriend so I didn’t have the heart to tell him no." The selfishness of the gesture softens her heart in a goo of adoration, but she can’t let him know that just yet.

"Softie."

"Chivalrous."

His comeback has her giggle, a rejoinder already tiptoeing at the edge of her lips, "see, who’s cocky now?" Her eyes are full of jest and lightness, somehow taking the weight of the party off his shoulders. Turns out, food and booze are not the only remedies for boring work functions, y/n’s company is just as effective if not more, and that’s with the guarantee of a hangover-less comes next morning. Harry is truly happy he decided to make an appearance tonight, a sentiment he definitely didn’t foresee for the night. The realization has him faintly shaking his head in amazement, his lips letting out another whispered "something else" softly enough that it doesn’t quite reach her already inflated ears.

"So did you have any plans tonight?" She reiterates the question not wanting to ever stop talking with him.

There are probably a hundred exciting plans he could have conjured up to come off half as intriguing as she seems to be, but instead he decides to go the honest route, "nah, I would have probably crash on my couch, this week’s been pretty hectic." His truth is confirmed by the faded blackness tinting the skin below his eyes, a proof of hard work and long hours under the heedlessness of a greedy superior. Y/n knows it all too well, having had firsthand experience with her boss’ jackassery. That’s why she directly inquires, "boss giving you trouble?"

Part of Harry is eager to steer the conversation back to more pleasant waters but he guesses talking a little bit about work was inevitable at some point, especially since they both share palpable distaste for their superior. "The maniac keeps giving me last minute reports like I’m expected to work all night along on his bullshit projects," he explains dejectedly before running his hand through his luscious curls in sign of frustration. "Barely finished in time fo’ the party tonight, I had to slip in his office to put the file on his desk, that fucker had already left."

Y/n listens attentively, her chest tightening in empathy at the recollection of his misfortune. She’s very familiar with the embittering feeling that comes with working your ass for someone that barely registers your efforts and dishes the office hours before you can even dream of clocking off. She’s faced the same scenario time and time again, including tonight, when she’d come up to lock the boss’ office hours after he left to get pampered for the party. She barely got time to make the double commute to and from her place, much less spend hours getting dolled up. She does remember the odd file on her boss’ desk though, "oh I was wondering what that blue folder was about, he never usually leave unattended paperwork on his desk."

Harry starts nodding in confirmation before stopping dead, eyes widened in distress, "wait, did you just say blue?" he asks in urgency.

Y/n frowns at his sudden agitation, her mind reeling to try and visualize the state of the surroundings she left several hours ago. She’s pretty positive she saw a blue binder laying there, not that she knows the ramifications of that simple fact, "yes I think so, why?"

The dire nature of the situation becomes painfully obvious as Harry’s face turns into a mess of  dread and panic, "oh shit, oh fuck, no no no," the words keep tumbling from his mouth in a ramble of nerves. "So stupid, m’so fucked" he keeps muttering self-admonition in quiet anger, hands griping at the root of his hair.

Concern is starting to fester in y/n’s guts as she takes in his disheveled state, "Harry, Jesus, take a breath, tell me what’s going on," she steps closer to him, one hand softly holding at his biceps as she tries to connect their gazes.

Once his eyes plug into hers, pupils blown out in turmoil, he finally calms down enough to word  out his mishap, "s’not the right file on his desk, I only use red binders for the reports." Spinning around out of her hold to shout his stress back to the wall in a loud "fuck!", Harry’s mind is caught up in a swirl of possible excuses to give to his boss, all sounding more ridiculous than the other. He can’t think of way to fix his mistake and escape the inevitable berating coming his way comes morning.

Fortunately for him, y/n is not about to let this happen, "it’s okay, we’ll fix this," she encourages. "What’s on his desk right now?"

Harry looks back at her then, not totally convinced that this all mayhem is salvageable. His boss is never going to tolerate this minor negligence, especially once he finds out the irrelevant material mistakenly slipped amongst his work. "My 14 year-old niece’s english project" the answer comes out as a question, a hint of self-deprecating humor lacing through his words. "Bloody hell, he’s gon’ have my head fo’ that one."

Harry is adamant in his doom, but if anything, y/n is not a quitter. "No he’s not. He hasn’t seen it yet, right? You said he was already gone when you brought the file."

He takes a long breath, "I suppose not."

"Guess it’s a good thing I have the keys to his office then, yeah?" She smiles proudly as a beacon of hope shines on his conflicted face. The forest green of his eyes seems to breath back to life in an endearing revival, effectively tugging at y/n’s heart’s merciful strings.

"Fuck, you’d do that fo’ me?" his shoulders loosen up in relief, the tension slowly simmering down to a gentle buzz, as he envisages the possibility of an illicit break-in. Well, as illicit as it may be, considering they have the keys. Still, best they don’t get caught snooping in the boss’ office, for both of their sake.

"Of course, silly. No questions asked," y/n answers with a smile, and her willingness to put herself in potential trouble, warms Harry’s heart from inside out.

"Y/n, you’re an angel, a life savior," he grabs her shoulders in each of his hands, his gratitude painted all over his soft traits. "Fuck, I could kiss you right now." The words fly out of his mouth without him realizing their significance after spending the last ten minutes coming onto her. And well, y/n isn’t too opposed to the idea either, and she thinks she might hold him to that promise in retribution for her saving grace when the time and space works better in their favor. "Alright Casanova, let’s get your ass out of this mess," she grabs her purse form the table and takes his hand to guide him through the cluster of people milling around the office space, eventually reaching the row of elevators across the room.

As they stand waiting for their lift to come, Harry starts fidgeting with nervous energy, feeling like a kid who’s about to get caught trying to steal straight from the cookie jar. "Shit, alright, we have to be discrete if we want to pull this off," he tells her, not taking his eyes off the room in case someone would look at them and read their plan straight off their guilty-looking faces.

"Says the guy in the flashy suit," y/n immediately counters, in an attempt to revive the playfulness of their synergy. The night was going swimmingly before the whole ordeal, and she’s convinced this foxy little adventure can only add to the appeal of an evening full of surprises.

Harry’s indignation at her dig teeters from his pouty lips, "hey! It’s not that bad." She giggles at his poor rebuttal, and as the doors of the elevator open, they quickly take a few steps inside.

"Harry, that suit is so loud, it could break the sound barrier," y/n teases as she eyes the crowd of people frivolously chatting away, while waiting for the door to close back.

"Thought I cleaned up nicely," he cheekily throws back her words from earlier, letting them resonate within the small confines of the elevator as they make their way up to their boss’ office.

She turns to face him then, a smile spreading on her supple lips, "don’t get me wrong, you look wonderful, just nowhere near decent for a secret spy mission."

Her words have him beaming back at her in a second, his mind fixated on her compliment rather than how impractical it is that his clothes are flashier than the Queen’s; in his defense, neither are y/n’s. "Damn, just got upgraded from nice to wonderful, this night is actually turning around," he chirps as the door open to the deserted hallway of the top floor.

"Alright, more action and less flirting, Styles," y/n playfully chides him. "Go get the right file, while I open his door, we should be quick in case he decides to bring the tour and his special guest up here." She sends him off with a tilt of her chin in what she knows to be the direction of his office, and Harry complies with ease and starts backtracking a few doors down, "yes ma’am."

While he’s gone to fetch the correct document from his office, y/n rummages through her purse to find the key of her boss’ office and unlock the door. Once she’s inside, she makes her way around the imposing mahogany desk commanding the space, and finds the imposter file sitting innocently on the polished wood. For pure curiosity’s sake, she starts leafing through its contents and lets a small chuckle as she takes in the endearing work of a young aspiring writer.

Her reading is interrupted by Harry’s hurried strides when he joins her in the room. "Here’s the damn report," he flings the folder on the desk next to his niece’s, red clashing with blue, mocking him for his slight negligence. As he absorbs the sight of y/n’s face engrossed in the teenage’s fiction, he moves slowly behind her, getting a glimpse at his niece’s whimsical words over her shoulder, before his eyes settle on the bare skin of her back.

Y/n welcomes his sudden proximity, has stranding on end as she feels the soft puffs of his breaths against her neck. "Your niece is quite the writer, does she always come to you for advice?"

She ignores the shivers running down her spine, and gulps when Harry’s voice greets her ears in a deep quiet hoarse, closer than she excepted, "usually, yeah. I was the one who got her into writing, so it’s kinda become our thing, I guess."

She smiles at his softness, "that’s really sweet," and draws in a long breath in a vain attempt to calm her jitters. She can almost feel his presence on her skin though they’re technically not touching, her fingertips tingling in anticipation.  

Another frisson travels through her when he responds with a low "mhm," his nose slightly grazing behind her ear, taking in her beguiling fragrance. Jasmine and vanilla, fresh and soft, exciting and comforting at the same time; it suits her perfectly.

"Harry-" she doesn’t know what to follow the whisper of his name with. Careful? Not here? Please don’t stop? At this point, she wants nothing more than to succumb to his affections, regardless of their improper whereabouts.

Harry brushes the back of his index down the smooth skin of her back in a featherlike caress, "thanks fo’ saving my ass, tonight," he murmurs into her ear, before laying a small kiss behind it.

Y/n is exulting under his tender ministrations, her eyes closed to enhance the feeling of his touch. "Anytime," she breathes out as her head tilts backward, a hand coming behind his neck in a silent plea not to let go, and Harry smiles against her skin at her receptiveness, goosebumps of his own blossoming across his body.

His next words are out of his mouth before he can think, "mmm, I owe you a big one," his playful persona resurfacing now that the situation was handled. They snort in unison at the double-entendre, and Harry slides his free arm around her waist to bring her closer to his chest in silent remittance. Y/n doesn’t mind though, she kinda likes this boyish side of him, but she can’t let him know that just yet.

"Gross."

"Hilarious."

Their ping-pong of wisecrack is back despite the tension permeating the air. It’s the kind that speeds heartbeats and moistens palms in lustful anticipation, the kind that curtails people’s breath as their lungs fill up with voluptuous aphrodisia. "Will you let me kiss you? Show you all my gratitude? I really wanna have a taste, love," he pleads for her permission, and y/n is too consumed by desire to deny him, "have it."

In one swift move, he spins around and latches his eager lips onto her. Passion ensues, hands roaming all over each other to find the perfect hold; the back of a neck, the lapels of a suit jacket, a few strands of hair, the curve of an exposed ribcage, it’s all intoxicating but there is always more to explore. Their tongues are caught up in a heated tango of their own, swirling around each other to quench the thirst of passion, licking their lustful way around their mouths.

At one point, Y/n finds herself pressed against her boss’ desk, one leg around Harry’s waist as he attaches his hips to hers in a heated embrace that leaves them breathless upon parting. He rests his forehead against her temple as they both process the intimate exchange, not ready to burst out of this fairy bubble. "Fuck, been waiting to do that for a while," he exhales with a smile, still incredulous at the evening’s proceedings, and the girl nestled in his arms.

"Same," she agrees and gently cups his face to bring his eyes back to hers, barely believing the adoration and warmth swimming within his lovely olive irises.

Harry’s heart feels like a ticking bomb about to implode, the sweet taste of her lips already providing him with a fix he didn’t know he was addicted to. "One more," he demands against her mouth before diving into another searing kiss. This time his hands explore more meticulously, scavenging for other soft spots to add on to his mental list. The dimples in her back right above the curve of her ass seem to rival the area at her side right below the swell of her breast, but Harry is pretty sure he’ll find more sensitive spots in the near future. Hopefully.

Once again, the need for oxygen compels them to part way, but neither of them make a move to separate their tangled limbs. Y/n is reveling in the moment she’s been daydreaming about for months, "so good," she keeps whispering sweet nothing against his lips while rubbing her nose against the bridge of his.

Harry clears his throat as he regains his bearings, realizing that there are still very much in the middle of their boss’ office, a place they are not supposed to be in, doing stuff they’re not supposed to be doing. At least not here. "Let’s get outta here, yeah?" he brushes a strand of hair that fell in front of her face, "you can kick my ass at that game of pool as promised, and I’ll tend to yours once we’re back at my place, what’dya say?"

And well, how can one say no to that?

➪ Masterlist

[remmushound]

Bay/rise 34!! @brightlotusmoon @errorfreak88 @digitl-art-monstr @selfindulgenz @yarchurr @dakotafinely @yarchurr @sententiously-sarcastic @sprinklestheditty

“This is fucking stupid.” Raph was pacing anxiously, his frustrations coming out in the form of heavy breaths.

“I totally agree.” Donnie agreed, “But you know Leo. He’d not gonna let this go.”

“He he fucking ought to! We ain’t got time for this shit!”

The Leo’s were both separately getting ready for the spar, but with such an open space it was nearly impossible for them to get out of each other's line of sight. This resulted in what could only be described as a heated staring content between the both of them as they sharpened their katana and odachi almost passive-aggressively. The brothers and sister of both proud ninja were intermingled in a group together— their brothers’ antics weren’t enough to drive them apart completely, but it was enough for a wedge to be stuck between them.

“Is Leo gonna be okay?” Michelangelo appealed to Donatello, grabbing a hold of the older teens arm.

“I don’t know Michael.” Donatello sighed, sticking his nose in the air in his frustration, “Leon’s always getting himself in this kind of trouble! It’s gonna catch up to him eventually!”

“Hopefully not today.” Michelangelo said, looking to Leo. “Other Leo is very large. He’s jumbo sized!”

“Sadly, his brain didn't get the memo.”

Mikey was looking between both of the Leo’s with no small amount of guilt. Donnie had given him the clear after he had calmed slightly and the pain in his chest wasn’t so bad, but now the pain had been replaced with an intense sadness. Michelangelo nudged his brother and pointed to the sad box turtle, and then both brothers nodded at each other with similar intent as they marched over and each took a seat beside Mikey. 

“Why the long face?” Michelangelo pouted.

“I dunno, Mike, seems kinda… oblong to me.” Donatello motioned vageuly to Mikey’s face.

Mikey gave the slightest chuckle before he started to cry softly. Michelangelo frowned and looked to Donatello, who quickly pulled a tissue from out of his battle shell and offered it to Mikey. Mikey accepted it and, after a moments thought, said,

“You just carry tissues around wherever?”

“I never know when I’ll have to break out the dramatics~!” Donatello struck a pose.

“Are you okay?” Michelangelo gave Mikey a gentle stroke on the shoulder. “You look sad.”

“I’m just… useless.” Mikey hung his head.

That statement caused both Hamato brothers to erupt in loud, overlaying denial as they practically swarmed Mikey trying to convince him otherwise.

“You’re not!”

“You’re really not.”

“You’re incredible!”

“I once tried nunchucks for a day. Hit myself in the head, cried in a corner, slept in said corner. Very traumatizing.”

“You can do lots of things!”

“Except fight, apparently…” Mikey pouted, crossing his arms. “I just watched my dad and your dad get taken and I did nothing!”

“You’re not the only one who did nothing!” Donatello offered.

Michelangelo swatted Donatello and scowled at him a second before turning back to Mikey. “You panicked— that’s nothing to be ashamed of!”

“We were there! We— we could’ve helped stop them! We—“

“What could we have done…?” Michelangelo asked softly, laying a hand on Mikey’s knee.

Mikey gave a long, tired sigh reminiscent of someone far older with many more years of life bearing down on his shoulders. “Nothing.”

“Exactly.” Michelangelo said, “But what we could’ve done is gotten hurt! He took out all your brothers in one swing! All we would’ve ended up doing is getting taken out with them.”

“But don’t you think—“

“Come on.” Mikey’s words were interrupted by his Leo, who had lost what little patience remained as he strutted forward with the confidence of gods. “Let’s get this over with.”

Leo was the first in the dojo and he stood there as if he was still challenging Leonardo to back down at the cost of his honor. Leonardo didn't move from his place where he was still polishing his odachi.

“Well?” Leo prompted, “Come on! You challenged me to this, remember! Don’t you want to defend your honor?”

Leonardo thought for a second, and then shrugged. “Eh, never really had much of that to begin with. And I have all the time in the world baby!”

Despite his words, Leonardo seemed to accept his counterpart's challenge and stood from his seated position, giving his odachi a few experimental swipes before he came to join Leo in the dojo.

“This ain’t gonna end good...” April shook her head. Her face was painted to match Leonardo’s markings and she brandished a blue flag in support. Upon seeing Leonardo entering the dojo, however, she promptly cheered, “WHOOP WHOOP! YOU GOT THIS LEON!”

The rest of the gathered mutants— all except Raphael, who was still sleeping off his exhaustion— gathered in a tight group to watch as the scene unfolded. Donnie split from the group one last time in an attempt to appeal to his brother.

“Leo, this is crazy!” Donnie said, but it was like talking to a wall, “You can’t fight him!”

“Why not?” Leo asked calmly without dignifying Donnie’s concern with even a glance.

“Well, one, he's a child.” Donnie deadpanned, “And two, we need to be focusing on finding Master Splinter.”

“Trust me Don, this isn’t gonna take very long.”

“What you gonna do, punt the fifteen year old?!”

“He’s the one who picked a fight.” Leo growled.

“Yeah. Oh course he did.” Donnie leaned closer to his brother and spoke slowly, as if Leo were dense, “He’s. A. Teenager. A dumb, confident teenager!”

“So are we.”

“We’re gonna be twenty next month— I hardly think it counts!”

Leo didn't respond. He stared forward with a determined look and simply walked away from Donnie, leaving his younger brother staring after him with a frustrated disbelief.

Leo faced his counterpart. “Do you know the duel rights?”

Leonardo shrugged almost cartoonishly.

“Of course not.” Leo sighed, then carried on, “Rule number one: The offending party has the right to an apology and, if it is accepted by the offended party, then the duel will not carry to term.”

“Okay, so you gonna apologize them?” Leonardo asked, almost hopefully.

Leo narrowed his eyes and gave no answer. “If there is no apology met, then the next rule of order is to choose a second. The seconds are the judges— they try to reach a peace, and if a peace is unable to be met, then we move onto phase three. My second is my brother Raphael.” 

Raph grunted softly and split off from the group to hesitantly come to Leo’s side. 

“Don, you feeling up to it?” Leonardo looked to his brother.

Donatello gave it a moment's thought before shrugging and sauntering off almost in a bored fashion to Leonardo’s side.

“How do we win?” Leonardo asked.

“To win, you must knock down your opponent and hold your blade to their throat. Rule number three! The seconds try to negotiate a peace.” Leo gave a nod, and Raph lumbered forward to meet Donatello in the middle. The two of them quickly fell to a hushed discussion.

“Hello.” Donatello said, his eyes half-lidded and his voice dull.

“Hey— can’t you just try and get your Leo to apologize?” Raph almost pleaded, “You know this ain’t exactly a fair fight.”

“I know.” Donatello replied with little enthusiasm. “Your Leo’s gonna get knocked flat on his Gluteus Maximus. That’s science terms for buttocks. Aka: ass.”

Raph gave a half-amused snort. “No offense, pancake, but I think we both know that ain’t right.”

“Oh wowwwwww, so original.” Donatello slumped, “I’m so hurt. Then again you do have a good point.

Raph smiled, thinning himself victorious until Donatello added,

“I mean, there’s nothing Maximus about his Gluteus.” Donatello motioned to Leo with his thumb.

“No—” Raph growled and forced a smile as he addressed Donatello with slow words, “What I meant was that your brother is gonna end up with the same fate as a firework on Fourth of July.” He made an explosion motion and added his own sound effects, “I mean— come on! It’s like a dodge against a semi-truck— your bro stands no chance!”

“I think we can stand to disagree on that.” Donatello defended his brother calmly.

Raph fixed Donatello with a deadpan expression. “You’re not gonna back down are you?”

“Negatory.” Donatello finally smiled— little more than a slight curve of his lips, but still a smile. “Or way— would that be an affirmative? Eh. Doesn’t matter. Either way I believe we are done here.”

Without another word, he spun on his heels and carried himself confidently over to his brother’s side. Raph grumbled as he often did before taking his leave a few seconds after. There was a minute of stressful silence as both seconds reported to their brothers before Leo stepped forward again.

“Rule four. Draw your weapon only once there is a medic on sight with his back turned.”

Leonardo whistled. “I mean, not that I couldn’t beat you with my back turned, but seriously?”

“Not you.” Leo growled, “Donnie will be our medic on standby.” Leo motioned the tech genius to turn around, and Donnie hesitantly obeyed. This left only the Mikey’s watching. Once Leo was satisfied, he went on, “Rule five would usually include dueling at dawn, but I hardly think it matters down here.”

Leonardo looked up at the high ceiling and then down at Leo. 

“Rules six and seven are also moot given our particular circumstances. Unless you have a god you pray to…?”

“Eh, some may describe me as a God, but I think I forgive myself for my sins~”

It took everything Leo had to keep his cool. “Rule number eight. Your last chance to set the record straight.”

“Hey! That rhymed! Good for you!”

“Wait are you just getting these from the Hamilton Musical?” Donatello started to ask, but was interrupted; even as Leo spoke over him, he still continued to talk until he finished the sentence.

“Rule number nine! Look your enemy in the eye.” He and Leonardo locked gazes, “Meet your enemy in the middle…”

Leonardo and Leo took four paces each until they were directly in front of each other.

“Summon your courage in any way necessary.” Leo said cooly, giving a bow that Leonardo returned, “Take a minute to breathe, then take ten paces back.”

The Leo’s were almost in perfect sync as they took their paces backward, now several paces behind their seconds while still facing each other.

“Ready your sword…”

Twin katana and a single odachi were held at the ready.

“Take one final breath…”

No one in the room breathed.

“And count to ten. One… two… three… four...”

“...five...six…seven… eight... nine...”

“Ten.”

[mellometal]

Hi, everyone.

I have something extremely important to talk about that is NOT fandom related. I really do hope this can reach everyone on here, especially since it's still Autism Acceptance Month.

A few quick questions for anyone who happens to see this before I dive right into this: Have you ever heard of Dhar Mann? If so, have you ever seen his videos? What do you think about them?

If you don't know who Dhar Mann is, he's a content creator whose main platforms are Instagram and YouTube. He makes these videos about various scenarios from a couple on the brink of divorce, to kids bullying one of their peers, even about Autism Spectrum Disorder. All of his videos have some kind of message at the end that really drives the point home. One of his most recent videos is about ASD, which is what I'm going to discuss today.

Personally, I think some of his videos are interesting, despite the concepts being reused and recycled over and over; however, how I feel about the video he made about ASD is the complete opposite. I'll summarize the video he made so you don't have to watch it. (If you really want to watch it to see exactly what I'm talking about, I'm not gonna stop you. Do what you need to do in order to form your own opinion.)

The video Dhar Mann made about ASD is about this boy who excludes his autistic brother from participating in activities with his friends at school. The boy bullies his autistic brother and does pretty much everything to make his brother's life Hell, even going as far as to pretend that he doesn't know his own brother. The boy "instantly regrets his decision" when their mom is called into the school to discipline her son for bullying his autistic brother. What his mother says is what REALLY upsets me. The message of this video in particular is this, WORD FOR FUCKING WORD. I wish I was kidding. But here's the message below:

How the video concludes is the boy reluctantly includes his autistic brother in every single activity, the boy sees his brother's potential, and they live happily ever after. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo.

As an autistic woman who works with disabled people for a living, that message Dhar Mann put in this video specifically is not only extremely ableist, but is also spreading misinformation about ASD.

News flash to all the people who still spread misinformation about ASD: Not every single autistic person is a little white boy in elementary school, nor is every single autistic person a young white man who's a Super Genius™️. (I could go on all day long about how the media stereotypes autistic characters and autistic people in general, but that's a whole other topic.) No autistic person is the same, meaning we all fall on the spectrum in different places and all that jazz. There's no "look" to autistic people either because no autistic person looks the same.

Autistic women exist.

Autistic girls exist.

Autistic nonbinary people exist.

Autistic BIPOC and AAPI exist.

Autistic people who are completely nonverbal exist.

Autistic people who are completely verbal exist.

Autistic people who are in the middle of being nonverbal and verbal exist.

Autistic people who require minimal to no support exist.

Autistic people who require moderate support exist.

Autistic people who require full support exist.

Autistic LGBT people exist. (Reason why I bring this one up is because the media almost always shows cishet autistic men and I don't see autistic LGBT representation very often, if ever.)

Autism isn't something you can "catch". People have this same mentality about ADHD and Tourette's Syndrome too, which, by the way, you can't "catch" either.

Autism doesn't "go away" when you reach adolescence or adulthood. Why? BECAUSE AUTISTIC TEENAGERS AND AUTISTIC ADULTS EXIST. Autistic kids grow into autistic teenagers, then into autistic adults.

You can't "cure" it either. Unless you can build a time machine and a device to go back in time to change how a person's brain develops, there is no cure. ABA therapy is a fucking shit show in itself that does more harm than good.

The title of the video is a real squick for me too. It's mostly because I don't particularly enjoy people using person first language (the "boy with autism" part). I've seen many other autistic people on multiple other platforms sharing that same sentiment and preferring identity first language (autistic person). There are also others who prefer using person first language and those who don't have a preference. That's all perfectly valid. Whatever you prefer people using when referring to you, or whatever you refer to yourself as, in this case, is totally valid and I love you. This goes for disabilities in general, not just Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Regarding the message in this video, here's my response to it! A quick heads-up, my response is VERY long and VERY passionate. I was VERY close to making a response video where I tear that video apart AND tear Dhar Mann a new asshole. Unfortunately, it worked me up so much that I was really struggling with what I wanted to say and I had to stop multiple times because I kept stumbling on my words. That's how angry this message made me. I'll try my best to explain whatever parts you have questions about. I put my response in the nicest way I possibly could, despite me seething with rage, wanting to go OFF on him.

(The first part of my response are the first three screenshots, and the second part are the last three screenshots.)

The first part of my response, I did forget to add that the message is offensive and disrespectful to autistic people as a whole. I apologize. My initial comment got way too long. I pretty much covered that when I told him the message is ableist. I wanted to clear that up before anyone asks about it.

The second part of my response is me opening up about my experience with being diagnosed with ASD, formerly known as As//per//ger's Syn//dro//me, at sixteen years old. I also went into how not calling ASD what it truly is (which is a disability) and calling it a "different ability" instead is extremely harmful and is treating being disabled like it's a bad thing.

By the way, saying that a disabled person is disabled isn't a bad thing. I'm disabled. It is what it is. Does it have its challenges? You bet. Does it help me with certain things? Hell yeah. I can really absorb information about my favorite bands, characters, shows, books, etc., and tell you a lot about those things. For example, I can tell you that Su can't ride a bike or read manga and she's okay with that. I can also tell you she can't tie her shoes very well, which is why her boots don't have laces and are slip-on and/or zip-up. But that doesn't mean my struggles are nonexistent or that I never struggle. I do, and it makes my life Hell at times.

The narrative that autism is a bad thing to have, every autistic person is somehow broken and they all need to be "fixed" is also super fucked up and not true. That's the narrative that I received when I was diagnosed by a therapist I had. I'm gonna be real here, I cried when I was first told that I was diagnosed with ASD. I felt like I was broken. I already felt like a total outcast. Being told about my diagnosis made me feel even more broken than I already felt. I was so ashamed of myself, despite me not doing anything wrong whatsoever, that I masked for SEVEN YEARS of my life. I masked for so long that I forgot I was even diagnosed with ASD in the first place. I wasn't taught how to really put my special interests into good use. I kinda had to figure that out on my own. I was pretty much under the assumption that me being interested in anime, cartoons, music, comics, theatre, writing, etc., to the point of obsession, was somehow weird and hurting people around me. You know, despite those things being harmless. Despite me being able to separate those things from other things that are important (like work, for example). Despite my only surviving parent, other family members, and the woman he was dating at the time completely overreacting and not bothering to see exactly what makes these things so special to me.

(By the way, having a disability does not completely make who a person is. There are a lot more things that make who a person is than that.)

It's kinda shocking that I wasn't able to come to terms with my diagnosis until this year. Considering that I masked for so long due to being ashamed of myself, plus being treated like a burden for being disabled, it's probably not very surprising. I initially thought at the time that it was the worst thing to have, as I was already struggling with enough shit back then, but came to realize it's not a bad thing. It doesn't change who I am. But I'm glad I came to terms with it finally nonetheless.

This is getting way too long, so I'm gonna wrap things up here. If you've read this far, thank you so much. I'm sorry this got so long!

If you watched the video, what are your thoughts on it? If this is your first time hearing about Dhar Mann, how do you feel about him? If you're a Dhar Mann fan, did this change your opinion on him in any way? Feel free to sound off in the comments!

Have a great day, everyone!

[votederpycausemufins]

-Smiles widely at the camera that exists somewhere- Ah Grumbot, I’m so glad I remembered to add you in here.

@petrichormeraki

With the arrival of Mumbo and the bots, Grian and Tommy tried to introduce everyone to each other, but another message came in from Scar about doing paperwork with a mention that Iskall was there for the paperwork with Fundy. Immediately Mumbo flew off back towards the shopping district, Tommy barely getting the chance to cover Tubbo’s ears. Tubbee, who had also been brought down from the apiary floor, used Jrumbot as something to hide behind.

“Sorry about that. Iskall is just not the best at reading contracts and Scar likes to hide things in there for fun. If Mumbo hadn’t beat me to it, I would have gone instead since it’s quieter.”

“He forgot Tubbee doesn’t like fireworks.” Jrumbot spoke, petting the mob. 

“Exactly. Your dad can be very forgetful in the moment.”

Grumbot looked towards Tubbo and then took a few steps towards him. “You act like Tubbee. You must be President Tubbo. It is nice to meet the whole of you.”

Tubbo, who was trembling a little bit even though the sound had been muffled, looked down at Grumbot. “Wh-what do you mean?”

“I didn’t tell him that part yet.” Tommy quickly explained to his nephew.

“I see. It is something from what your admin did. In creating your ‘canon lives’ he made it so when you lost one, a part of your being would be broken off and cast somewhere else. I am not sure what happened to your other part as I do not have that information, but one did end up within this bee as it first spawned.”

Tubbo looked at the bee in Jrumbots arms and then smiled. “Perfect. Always wanted to be a bee.”

Jrumbot looked between Tubbo, Tommy, Tubbee and Grumbot. “Is Tubbee my uncle then?”

Grian picked Jrumbot up. Grumbot had gotten more of the smarts since he was built to be a computer to answer their questions. Took a little more after Mumbo that way. Jrumbot on the other hand had originally just been made to help sell stuff and was created on the younger side, so he wasn’t as smart. In fact, he was more like Grian if his affinity for shears, especially near his one dad’s mustache was anything to go by.

“Well, Tubbo is your uncle’s friend, maybe even an honorary uncle at that. And Tubbee isn’t quite the same. Besides, I don’t think Tubbee will mind if you don’t call him your uncle.”

Grumbot walked over to Philza. “You are Philza Minecraft. Former king of the Antarctic Empire and my dad’s father, making you my grandfather.” He then looked at Techno. “You are Technoblade, former prince of the Antarctic Empire and also seem to loathe all forms of government. We will not get along.”

Techno looked down at Grumbot with a neutral expression. “Smart kid.”

“Grumbot, how did you know that about your uncle?”

“The mayoral reservoirs of course. He would have been a danger to the mayoral campaign if he appeared.”

Grian stared his son down. “Are you telling me the entire time you knew about Techno.”

“Not his location, but I was aware of his character and other general knowledge.” Grian looked like he was about to blow a gasket. “Of course, you never asked, so I didn’t assume you wanted to know.”

“Grumbot, when we get home, only your brother is getting a diamond.”

Grumbot stared at his dad before saying a single word. “Fuck.”

Tommy smiled. He had taught his nephew well.

With a break in the conversation, Tubbo spoke up. “Well, I mean Philza has sort of been acting as my dad.”

That immediately grabbed Grian’s attention. “Why?”

“Well, I’m not sure exactly what happened. One moment I was in the car with my dad, next thing I know, I’m in a box on the side of the road.”

“Your dad abandoned you?”

“What? No! He would never!”

“Hey G, might be like what happened to you?” Tommy suggested. There was a pause where everything was quiet before suddenly Grian changed to have six purple eyes. “Grian! No!”

Grian closed them and crossed his arms as best as he could while still holding Jrumbot. “What’s the point of being a Watcher if I can’t actually be one.”

“You almost killed everyone a few hours ago.”

“Dad almost killed someone?” Jrumbot asked, looking worried. Grian shifted him to one arm so he could pat his son and comfort him.

“Yeah, things got crazy for a bit. That’s why we wanted you staying in the hobbit tunnels. Did you at least have fun there?”

The question cheered Jrumbot up. “Yeah! We made more tracks for jousting!” Jrumbot continued to talk about what he and Grumbot had been doing when a message came in on the comms “Dad, Daddy wants your help with Scar.”

Grian sighed. “Well, I guess now is as good a time as any to get that paperwork done. Hey Tommy, where’s your nether portal?”

Tommy led everyone down to the second floor and through a nether portal. Though Tubbo had already been there with Fundy, the rest hadn’t and were surprised by the builds that were in the nether.

“How did you do all of this?!” Wilbur asked, surprised. “We barely had stuff like this in the overworld!”

“It’s actually not that big compared to last season. We use the roof more and everyone has their own separate builds.” Grian’s family tried to resist the urge to shake him and or kill him at how normal he was making it sound. “I’ll have to show you the upside down later.”

Though it took a few small bridges here and there, it was rather quick getting them all back to the shopping district. As the portal was right under the town hall, the group was greeted by music as they came through back into the overworld.

“Is he wasting it on paperwork again?!” Grian asked incredulously to no one in particular. “This isn’t going to help us at all!”

“It actually makes sense this time as there is the potential consideration of people from here and the smp moving between each other.” Grumbot explained, making sure to glare down his anarchist uncle the entire time. “All the proper forms would need to be done to keep Hermitcraft safe from people willing to destroy it.”

“I’m going in there.” Tommy spoke up, quickly leaving the others behind. Just a moment later, he walked back out with papers in his hand. “I think these mean he doesn’t want to see us right now.”

“What exactly is going on?” Philza asked.

At the same time, Grian and Tommy gave an answer. “Superfast build mode.”

“What?”

“Scar uses vex magic to help speed himself up to do lots of work in a small amount of time. Usually he uses it for building, but recently he’s also been using it for all his mayor work.”

“I… see.”

“Anyway, Grumbot, can you look at the paperwork?” Grian took the papers from Tommy’s hands and gave them to his son. The robot rapidly read through all the papers at a speed that could potentially rival Scar’s own current speed.

“It’s really bad this time. Paying him diamonds, work clauses, extreme zoning laws for temporary housing. You can only grow wheat and chorus fruit, I’m assuming that’s actually a mistake.”

Tommy smiled. “You wanna go in there and fix it.”

Even if they wouldn’t all admit it, the smp members all had a shiver go down their spines as Grumbot spoke coldly and his screen face turned red. “Very much so.” And then he walked up the stairs to the town hall.

“Is he going to kill your mayor?” Wilbur asked, but Grian shook his head.

“No, he only was that serious the first time they met after we finally built his body. It’s only ever near deaths at most. I’m actually wondering if we have more elections if everyone will let Grumbot run.”

“I certainly won’t be giving him permission.” Came Mumbo’s voice as he exited town hall with Iskall and Fundy behind him. “Artificial life or not, he is still considered a child. And Tommy has given him too many ideas. Scar might be exiled for a few days.”

Techno looked like he was about to speak, but was shushed by Philza. 

“Techno, I know you don’t seem to like the government and all, but it works here. I’ve seen hundreds of worlds, so I know how it can all fall apart, but we have literally been doing this for years with not a single problem.”

“Grian.”

“With only one single problem.”

“Grian!”

“Okay, I cause the problems. Mostly. But Tommy helps me with that! But we only very minorly grief and even then it’s extremely rare. And we definitely don’t steal. It’s mainly harmless pranks like chickens everywhere or hiding something in your base that makes noises and you can’t find it.”

“Or secret base bros.” Tommy added in, making Grian look a little confused.

“Yeah, though we stopped doing that ages ago.”

“Or did we?” Tommy asked, somehow looking very racoonish.

Grian looked at his brother. “Okay, concerning, but we can talk about that later.” He turned back to the rest of his family. “In the meantime, I think we should have the discussion I think we’ve all been avoiding a little. Is it just going to be visits, or are you guys actually deciding to move here?”

“What do you mean? You’re not coming with us?” Philza asked, making Grian frown.

“No, of course not. No offense to your home, but it’s a bit of a mess and I’m not sure I could live there without losing my mind. I’m sure that eventually things will calm down, but I’m sure I couldn’t even make half a hobbit hole before it got messed with in some way. Visits are of course on the table, but I’m not going to be staying.”

“But you’ll just be by yourself again.”

“Um…” Tommy started to say, drawing attention over to him. “I’m actually going to mostly stay here. I know Dream is gone and Tubbo’s in charge now, but I just don’t think I can go back there just like that.”

Tubbo hugged Tommy and then Grian pulled the two of them into a hug with his wings. When Philza tried to take a step forward, Grian glared at him. “No. You were part of the problem. You don’t really deserve this right now.”

Mumbo went over to try and comfort Grian, but just ended up making him more agitated. Iskall pulled his fellow redstoner back then tried to change the topic. “So, Fundy, you said you’re Wilbur’s kid. That makes you Grian’s nephew, doesn’t it? That means you have cousins.”

“I do?” The fox hybrid asked before he was tackled by Jrumbot.

“Hi! I’m Jrumbot! Grian and Mumbo are my dads! My brother went in there to talk to Scar, so you may have seen him.”

“Yeah! I did! Wow! This is the best day of my life! I mean, other than the whole going to war part, but everything else was great! New family, hopefully a better server, and I got to hang out with Iskall!”

“That sounds amazing! I got to meet Tubbo! He’s just as fun as Tubbee!” Jurmbot said, happy to share about his day to a new face.

“They seem to get along just fine.” Iskall chuckled. The comment seemed to help Grian relax a bit and he reluctantly released Tommy and Tubbo from his wings.

“Look dad, I’m happy I found you after all these years. But you being my dad doesn’t change the things I saw you do. You sided with people, not ideas, and because of that you would change what you stood for on a moment's notice just to side with someone you cared about. But that hurt others you cared about at the same time. I’ve been hurt enough in my life. Tommy has too. Things here are safe and stable and even then we don’t always have the best days. I don’t normally curse, but it should get the point across. I am terrified of getting close to you right now and you finding a way to fuck up out lives.”

Mumbo and Iskall shared a look. While it might not get through to the newcomers, they had known Grian long enough to know just how serious he was being. They had both seen just how bad it could get for Grian and Tommy and how helpless they felt sometimes when trying to help the brothers.

Philza was quiet for a while before giving a simple understanding nod. “Thanks dad.”

“Well Grian, I’m sure that it’s been a long day for everyone. I’m sure people are tired and hungry and there’s plenty of paperwork to do. How about once Grumbot is finished, we head over to my Hobbit hole for some food.”

Grian smiled at Mumbo. “That sounds nice. Dinner with the whole family!”

Everyone was pleasantly surprised when they saw Mumbo’s hobbit hole. It was a much more reasonable size. They hadn’t seen Mumbo’s real base quite yet though, so they assumed this was it. It was still quite large from the bumbo baggins society expansion, but that meant plenty of room for everyone to sit at for a meal. 

While there was plenty of variety, golden carrots were the most plentiful and they were gladly eaten for their high saturation. The visitors from the SMP tried not to stare as the bot children were given bowls of nether quartz and red stone to eat. It was hard to even comprehend how they were eating at all as their heads were just computer monitors yet somehow it just worked.

A cake was placed on the table as a joke for all the birthdays everyone had missed but they ended up actually singing. Following that, the dreaded paperwork began, though it was easier to handle now that everyone had a slice of the delicious treat.

While Philza, Wilbur, Techno and Fundy signed paperwork for simply visiting Hermitcraft, Tubbo signed one for visits and for residency. “Tubbo, are you planning to stay?” Tommy asked when he noticed the papers in front of his friend. 

“Well… I would like to. This place seems so nice… but with me being admin now, I need to help the smp. But maybe I can have extended stays in the future.”

Grian looked at Tubbo sympathetically. “Tubbo, you don’t have to be the admin. I’m sure you can find someone you trust enough to move the powers to if you want to stay here.”

“But you made me admin.”

“You were nearby and I knew you probably wouldn’t do anything horrible as admin, but you don’t have to keep them. You are still a kid. You don’t need to keep that responsibility if you want something else.” When Tubbo didn’t look convinced, Grian sighed. “If you want, we can make someone else admin, and if it doesn’t work, you just call me over and I’ll take them away again.”

“Grian, there’s a good chance you could kill someone doing that.”

“And I wouldn’t regret it!”

“Yes you would.”

“Okay maybe.”

Mumbo just gave a very tired sounding sigh.

As dinner was wrapping up, Grian pulled Grumbot over to a side room. “Alright, you were able to help Tommy out with Tubbo and apparently you knew more about Techno than you were going to tell me.”

“That is true.” Grumbot answered. “But you two build me the way you did.”

“I know, and I really regret it.” Grian pulled out a diamond. “Grumbot, do you know anything about Tubbo’s dad?”

Grumbot took the diamond and then processed the question. He was silent for a few long moments, making Grian start to believe that there was nothing Grumbot could find on the man. But just as he was losing hope, Grumbot spoke again.

“He’s called The Captain.”

[connordavidscamera]

Living, Learning, and Fliming Ch. 8 | Connor Brashier

A/n: Thank you Miss Alessia Cara for writing the song that inspired this chapter. 

Summary: it’s a date... but with the wrong person?

Warnings: shit writing, what else is new?

Word count: 1.6k

***

Week 8

“I’m going to make you fall in love with me, pretty girl.” Connor says matter of factly. 

I laugh, writing down my final sentence. “You’ve got some nerve, huh?”

“What do you mean?”

“You really think it’s that easy to get me to fall in love with you? You think it’s that easy to get me to fall in love at all?” I question, crossing my arms over my chest. 

How dare he do that? Just march right in and say things like that to me.

“I don’t fall easily.”

“I know you said you haven’t had a boyfriend. But have you ever fallen for someone?”

“I told you that too.”

“Okay… then have you ever had your heart broken?”

I bite the inside of my lip, “And you want to know this because?”

“I’m just curious,” he shrugs. “You don’t have to tell me, I was just wondering.”

“I have,” I say after a few minutes. “Had my heart broken.” 

“Can I ask what happened?”

“I was talking to a guy for a while and it seemed like we were on the verge of becoming more. But then he… he said some things and it just didn’t end well. But yeah, I just decided that I didn’t want to get hurt anymore, so I haven’t really been looking for love or anything.”

“And you don’t think I can convince you? Can’t trick you? Push you?”

I smile softly, “I don’t know, bub. But if you do somehow trick me into falling for you, you’ll have to be cautious. Because you know I don’t give myself often.”

“Hmm… Well, let’s try today?”

“Y/n? You okay?” Shawn asks, tapping the table between us. 

“What? Sorry. I - I just got lost in thought.”

“Yeah, I figured,” he laughs lightly. “So, what music do you listen to?”

I smirk, “What music do I listen to? Or are you wanting to know if I listen to you?”

He smiles, “Well that too.”

“I listen to everything really. Rock, pop, alternative, country - don’t tell Connor that, he’d hate me.”

“I don’t think that’s possible.”

I give a tight lipped smile, “Right.”

“So you listen to everything. I do too.”

“Right, you have to know what’s going on in the music world. Con’s told me it’s pretty competitive there.”

“Yeah, it is. It’s hard to do something that no one else has done. But I’m sure that’s the same for any other career. Like with film?”

“Oh, yeah, absolutely. I think with anything creative or innovative, you just don’t really know what’s been done and what hasn’t.”

“What made you want to pursue film?”

“Um, I don’t know. I just picked up a camera one day and then I never wanted to put it down. I mean, wasn't it the same for you? You picked up a guitar and you just felt that it was what you were meant to do?”

 He nods, “Totally. I can’t see myself doing anything else.”

“That’s what it is for me.”

I sit quietly in my bed, staring down at the page in front of me, reading and rereading the same paragraph over and over and over again before I finally just close it. “Jesus, why can’t I get him off my mind? This is ridiculous!”

I groan in frustration and look around the room, trying to see everything that he saw the first time he came in here. The books, the desk that is way too organized for a college student. The baby pink bedspread - the only real splash of color in the otherwise monochromatic room. Then I look to my side, where he laid that first night and where he’s laid a countless amount of times now.

I’m so mad at him for always staying in my mind, changing my mood. And when I remember the way he looked hovering over me the way he did just days ago, I want to scream. He was too sexy with his hair slowly starting to stick to his forehead, his breathing deep and hot against my skin, his back muscles flexing beneath my touch. He was perfect and it made me sick. No one should be that beautiful. I don’t know what I did for him to see me and want to spend all this extra time with me, but I’m both grateful and floored by it at the same time. 

“Y/n?”

I blink a few times, “Fuck. I’m sorry. I’m really just spaced out today.”

Shawn nods, “It’s okay… Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, of course.”

 He’s quiet for a minute, like he’s trying to pick his words carefully. “Did you want to come on this date?”

The question confuses me a bit, “Yes,” I answer.

“You hesitated.”

“Shawn, it’s not that I didn’t want to come with you-”

“Your head’s somewhere else. I get it. But your heart’s somewhere else, too.”

“I’m sorry?”

“It’s no secret that you can’t focus, and I don’t mean for that to sound rude. But when you are listening and talking, you’ve brought Connor up a lot.”

I sigh, “I’m sorry.”

“You like him, don’t you?”

“Shawn, please.”

“It’s okay that you do. I… I kind of figured.”

“What? But... If you thought that I might like him then why did you ask me out?”

“Because I like you. I think you’re funny and smart, and passionate, and so pretty. And if I’m being honest, I thought you were gonna say no. Why’d you say yes?”

Because I needed to keep myself from Connor. “Because I like you too.”

“But not like this. Not  in a ‘yeah, I could date this person’ type of way.”

I shake my head, “I’m so sorry. I want to. You have no idea how much I wish it were that way.”

“I know,” he scratches the back of his neck. “I wish it was too. But that’s life. At least we tried, right?”

I nod and look back down at the table, “Yeah, at least we tried.”

We’re walking out to the car when he asks, “So, what are you gonna do about Connor?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I mean, he’s already said that he’s in love with you.” 

It hurts me to see his face when I don’t say it back. But I can’t do it. Not if he’s doing this just for fun. I can’t handle another heartbreak, especially not by him. 

But then I remember how it felt for him to hold me just days ago in my room, after one too many orgasms - and despite the smug look on his face, I have never felt safer in anyone’s arms. And how being with him like this makes the walls I built around my heart melt just a little bit. And as I feel myself drifting, I can feel myself falling too, and that’s so scary. But his arms are still around me and I can almost convince myself that he’s going to catch me. 

“Yeah, he has.”

“Do you love him?”

I swallow hard. “I don’t know.”

“You do know.”

I breathe deeply through my nose, “Yes,” I answer, softly. 

“Are you going to tell him?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why not? He told you he’d wait.”

“Yeah, but what if I’m too late? He’s not gonna wait forever.”

“I think he would. I mean, I’ve never seen anyone look at someone with as much love and adoration as he does with you.”

“Okay, but-”

“He needs to know, y/n.”

I groan, “But I can’t tell him now. Because he’s gonna have that arrogant smirk on his face and he’s going to rub it in my face. Tell me that he knew all along. That he knew from the beginning that he could get me to fall in love with him.”

“He’s not going to do that.”

“He would. Because he’s condescending, and so, so arrogant. And it’s exhausting being around him because he’s so smart and he knows what he’s doing and where he’s going. Who just knows that? What college student knows exactly what they want and how to get it? He’s, god, he’s so annoying.”

“But?” Shawn prompts with an amused smirk.

“But,” I continue, “he’s also really funny, and he’s one of the smartest people I’ve ever met. I can’t get tired of listening to him go on about film or anything else, for that matter. And he worries about me, and cares for me. And he buys me things for no reason? Who does that? He doesn’t have to do that, but he does and he does it willingly. Yes, he’s arrogant and sometimes really hard to be around, but… he’s also my favorite person to spend time with. And yeah, I know that contradicts what I just said, but I can’t help it. I don’t want to spend my time with anyone else but him.”

Shawn chuckles.

“No offense,” I say quickly, but he shakes his head. 

“None taken. I get it. So why can you tell me this but you can’t tell him?”

“I guess it’s just easier when it’s not the person who needs to hear it.”

“Well you have all the words. Why don’t you use them?”

“Shawn, I can’t.”

“You can. I know you can. And I think it’s better to do it now rather than later. Keeping it in will only hurt you more - both of you.”

I swallow hard and nod, “Can you take me to his apartment?”

“Yeah?”

I nod, “You said do it now, right?”

He chuckles, “I did. Let’s go.”

I didn’t think I’d try love, but I guess I’ll try today. I’m yours, Connor Brashier. I’m yours. I couldn’t be anyone else’s. 

***

I hope you enjoyed! Please like, reblog, and leave feedback!!

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[calumance]

Omg can I request two blurb/imagines?? Or a combined one hehehe Maybe one where we see a protective mom reader again and maybe it’s with a mean parent that either talks bad about her kids but also Cal and his career? and another one where we get to see protective Cal like usually he’s pretty calm and has to calm his wife down but maybe someone or a parent insults cal’s career and he doesn’t mind cuz he always has haters but when they insult his wife/family 🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵 he jumped

I GOT CARRIED AWAY I’M SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG. 🙈🙈🙈🙈 The Hoods stand up for each other, through thick and thin ❤️❤️❤️

        It was four in the morning when your alarm went off. Calum was half way across the world and four A.M. was just about the right time to catch him getting ready for a show. Although he never asked you to wake up that early so you could call him, it was something you did just because you couldn’t go a day without seeing him. You sat up and turned your alarm off and tapped through your phone to start a FaceTime call with Calum. You were mid yawn and mid eye rub when he answered. Calum chuckled, “Good morning, sunshine.”

        You finished yawning and dropped your hand to your side, “Morning. How was your day?” Sleep still clung to your voice, you were tired, and as badly as you wanted to keep sleeping, you would much rather see him than go back to sleep.

        “It was alright, darling. We go on stage in about thirty minutes. What do you have on your schedule today?” Calum ran his hand through his hair and looked into the phone screen. His eyes twinkled in the light of the dressing room. It was eating you alive that you couldn’t be with him.

        You sighed and then shrugged, “Nothing during the day. One of the moms from Aiden’s soccer team is having this ‘family night’ that I think I might just drop Aiden off at and come home and watch movies with Logan.” You shrugged and looked around the all too empty room.

        Calum pulled his eyebrows together, “Why don’t you want to go?” Calum lifted a red solo cup to his lips and you remembered all the things his lips have done to you.

        You shook your head, shaking the naughty thoughts from your mind and shrugged, “It’s a family night, since you’re not here, I don’t really have my whole family. I’d rather Aiden go have fun with his friends while I cuddle my other son and watch some Disney movies.”

        Calum chuckled, “I think you should go, maybe call Sierra or Alex and see if either of those girls want to go with you.” You shrugged at the suggestion and changed the subject, wanting to talk to Calum about other things before he had to go.

        Throughout the whole day, you thought about what Calum had said to you, and you weren’t sure what got to you, but you ended up calling Alex and asking if she wanted to go with you. It was only a few hours later that she showed up at your house and started to get ready with you. After everyone was ready, you drove the four of you to the event center that the ‘family night’ was being held at. When you walked in, Aiden immediately caught sight of his friends and ran off. Logan found the friend he had made throughout the season and ran off as well. You looked over at Alex and shrugged, slowly making your way into the hall to start mingling.

        Within a few minutes, you found yourself talking with a small group of other parents, Alex standing next to you. You both had a glass of wine, and the night seemed to be going okay, until one parent decided to not keep her mouth shut. “So, is Calum not coming tonight?” She had a stupid smile on her face, the one that made her look like she was about to pry too far into your life.

        You let out a soft chuckle and shifted your weight, “Oh, um, no. Calum is on tour right now, he’s in Germany right now. He won’t be home for a couple more months.” You nodded as if you were trying to convince yourself that him not being home wasn’t slowly eating you from the inside out.

        The stupid smile on her face never faded. “That explains a lot, then.” You narrowed your eyes and shook your head, trying to understand what she was referring to. She shrugged and the stupid smile grew bigger. “I’m just saying with Calum not being home a lot, it makes a lot more sense that Aiden is a bit on the,” You raised your eyebrows and leaned forward just waiting to hear what this woman was about to spit out. “Girly side.” The woman shrugged, the smile on her face making you want to punch her in front of everyone.

        “What the fuck is wrong with that?” You said without skipping  a beat. You raised an eyebrow and tapped your finger nails against the glass in your hand, trying to focus on the sound and not losing your cool in front of everyone and their kids. Alex grabbed your elbow as if to tell you she had your back, the feeling made your blood simmer a bit. You tilted your head waiting for the woman to dig herself out of her hole.

        The same stupid smile was sitting on her face, but her eyes changed to show that she was suddenly uncomfortable. “Well, I’m just saying that if Calum had a normal career that Aiden would be able to grow up with a father figure, and focus on the things boys should focus on.” She nodded to herself as if that was a completely rational thing to say.

        Alex looked over at you as you grinded your teeth together. In hopes of keeping your rage at bay, you tossed back the last bit of wine in your glass and took a deep breath. “What exactly do you propose Aiden should be focusing on?” You narrowed your eyes again and tilted your head the other direction.

        Her mouth hung open as she stumbled over her words. “Aiden should be focusing on sports and cars and action movies, but instead he focuses on things like princesses and music and taking care of his little brother. I think it’s about time you tell Calum to quit the whole Rockstar thing so that he can stay home and teach his boys the right things.” She stood up straight and rolled her shoulders back as if she were standing her ground.

        Your blood absolutely boiled as you looked over at Alex. Alex looked over at you at the same time and you exchanged a look. You laughed and licked your lips before looking up at her, “Aiden has every right to be into princesses because princesses are normally portrayed as strong independent women who just happen to fall in love with a guy that goes through some treacherous adventure with her. Maybe in the future he’s going to learn that the woman he falls in love with doesn’t need him, she wants him. Or man, for that matter, because he could fall in with a man, who the fuck cares, because I know that my son will treat his significant other better than you because of the fact that he doesn’t focus on stupid shit like sports, or car, or action movies. Aiden focuses on music because it’s what his dad does, and it’s what his dad loves, music brings those two closer than I’m sure any of you are to your kids. And the reason Aiden focuses on taking care of his little brother is because he’s not an asshole. Neither Calum or I have ever asked him to help take care of Logan, but he does it because he cares.” You shrug and let out a breath that felt like it might be fire. “But, yeah, let me tell Calum to quit the dream he’s had since he was fourteen so he can teach our child to be a ‘man.’” You waited for a second to see if anyone had anything else to say. When no one spoke up, you nodded once and turned on your heels. As you walked away from the group of parents, you slammed the wine glass down on the table, hard enough that the stem broke and the glass rolled off the table.

        It took a while for you to cool down. It wasn’t until you were at home and sitting on the edge of the pool with your feet dangling in the water, and a drink in your hand that you finally calmed down. Alex sat next to you, her legs dangling in the water as well, laughing at how stupid those parents all sounded. Your phone vibrated, and when you looked at the screen, it was a message from Sierra. There was a video that was taken with someone’s phone and a message under it, “The boys had an interview today that Andy caught on his phone, but isn’t being aired, I think you should watch this.” You pulled your eyebrows together and tapped the video.

        The interview was normal up until the point when the interviewer said something rude about a picture the paparazzi had taken of all of you while you were out with Ashton before the tour started. “Calum, your wife looks as if she’s struggling to get that baby weight to go away, huh?” The interviewer laughed as if that was something most people joked about.

        Calum kept a polite smile on his face, but he pulled his eyebrows together and looked at the camera. You could tell he was about to lose his shit, but Calum was usually pretty quiet and reserved. You felt your heart race as he looked back at the interviewer and asked a simple “I’m sorry?” His leg bounced and his fist rested against his thigh, it was his tell-tale sign that he was absolutely pissed off. The interviewer laughed and waved his hand as if brushing off what he said, “No, no, tell me again what you just said about my wife.”

        The interviewers face fell and he gulped, “I’m just saying she looked a lot prettier before she had two kids, you know, I mean most women look prettier before having two kids. I don’t mean any offense to you or her.” He chuckled nervously, realizing how badly he just fucked up.

        Calum sat up straight and laughed, all of the boys looking at him with wide eyes, almost as if they were waiting for him to say something, because if he didn’t, they would. “My wife was beautiful before having two kids, but after having two kids she is absolutely extravagant. You know why, because the changes her body went through to have those two kids made her who she is, and those changes are absolutely breath taking.” Calum shrugged and shook his head, “Yeah, I don’t think I can sit in an interview with someone who just insulted not only me, but the love of my life and mother of my children.” With that, Calum stood up and walked away, and the video stopped.

        You held your phone tightly, swallowing the lump in your throat. “Damn, I’ve never seen Calum that angry.” Alex said over your shoulder, as you chuckled and pretended nothing that was said bothered you.

        By two A.M. you figured sleep was something that just wasn’t going to happen, still wrapped around the thought of someone realizing how much your body has changed since you had Aiden and Logan. You reached to the side table and grabbed your phone, tapping the phone to FaceTime Calum. He answered, a big smile spread across his face. “You’re not supposed to call me for another three hours.”

        You rubbed the back of your neck and nodded, “I know, I can’t sleep.” You smiled at him and the smile on his face faded.

        He left the room and went to somewhere that was a bit more quiet. “Is everything alright? Why can’t you sleep?” He took a drink from his red solo cup and you closed your eyes.

        “Today was horrible, Calum. I went to that stupid ‘family night’ with Alex and ended up getting in a fight with another parent because she told me that you should quit your career so that Aiden can be more manly.” You looked back to Calum who was frozen in place. “I told her off, Cal, I did. I’m not going to let anyone insult my kid, or my husband.” Calum lowered his head and nodded, obviously realizing that you saw the video. “And then that video, I mean, thank you for standing up for me, baby, but I feel so terrible now.” You shook your head and lowered it to hide the tears that were forming at the edge of your eyes.

        “I told Andy to delete that video. That guy was an asshole, I wanted to punch him, and I’m not usually one who wants to hit someone. I need you to listen to me,” He paused waiting for you to acknowledge that he had your full attention. You looked up at the phone and nodded. “You were, and still are, and always will be the most beautiful woman I have ever laid my eyes on. You should be proud of what having two kids did to your body, because you gave birth to two of the most perfect kids. That guy can fuck off, I love you for who you are, no matter how many kids we have.” The corner of your lips twitched. “Hell, I’m even going to love you and think your beautiful when we’re old and every inch of our bodies sag in places that shouldn’t sag.”

        You laughed and ran your hand along your neck, “You’ll still love me when my boobs hang down to my waist band of my pants?”

        Calum scoffed, “I still love you even if you have to tuck your boobs into your pants to keep them from flopping everywhere.” Calum cracked and smile and shook his head.

        You busted out laughing and quickly covered your mouth as to not wake Aiden and Logan who were fast asleep in the room across the hall. You shook your head and looked into the phone. “I love you so damn much, Calum.”

        “I love you too, baby. Why don’t you get some sleep and I’ll call you later when it’s stupid early here?” You smiled and agreed, finally feeling the exhaustion wash over you. As you laid back in bed, you couldn’t help to think what the hell you did to end up with a man like Calum.

************

Tag list: @mantlereid @notinthesameguey @viiirg0 @wheniminouterspace @thinkofmehlgh @another-lonely-heart @limer-encia @itsmytimetoodream @babyoria @treatallwithkindness

[topsytervy]

Book Lovers ~ Pope Heyward

Blurb: You have a crush on Pope and Pope has a crush on you. Your love for books brings you together.

Word Count: 3,376

Warnings: swearing, poorly written towards the end cause I'm bad at ending writings, probably spelling/grammar errors, I think thats it.

I started writing this as a whole bond over books thing and then it kind of got away from that a bit but not really I don't think.

Also, the way i was going back and forth between writing this and something Calum Hood related cause its his birthday and I love him was insane.

~~~~~~

You sat on the beach on a towel, a book in hand as the sounds of screams and waves filled the air.

Not too far away sat Pope, staring at you as JJ, John B and Kie surfed. He watched as you brushed some hair behind your ear before turning the page, completely engrossed by whatever it was you were reading. 

"Are you serious?" Pope jumped as his head swiveled to look at the voice that spoke.

Kie stood there, surfboard under her arm with an eyebrow raised, the two other boys behind her.

"What?" Pope shrugged, acting as casual as he could.

"Really? Playing dumb Pope? Thats JJ's job." She answered, setting down her board and sitting next to him.

"I take some offense to that, Kie." JJ told her which only caused the curly-haired girl to roll her eyes.

"Just go talk to her, Pope."

Pope widened his eyes. "Are you crazy, Kie?"

"If talking to someone you like is crazy then have me committed but last time I checked it was normal." 

"What would I even talk to her about?" 

"Oh, I don't know. She's only reading a book. Gosh if only you read." Kie told him, sarcasm dripping from her voice.

Pope sighed before getting up. 

"Go get 'em, tiger." John B grinned as him and JJ took a seat next to Kie, watching as Pope made his way over.

He was about halfway to you before he turned around and walked back, shaking his head. "I can't do it. It's rude to interrupt someone's reading ya know. That and Toppers walking towards her." 

JJ scoffed. "Really, man. Toppers got nothing on you. Besides, I'm pretty sure they're just friends."

"Oh quite the opposite, JJ. He's got money and a way nicer boat." 

John B shot Pope a look. "How dare you insult the HMS Pogue like that."

"You know what I mean. He can buy her literally anything she asks for." 

"Okay. So he's got money and a nice boat. That means he's trying to compensate for something. Any guesses as to what that is?" Kie stared at Pope.

JJ grinned, deciding to answer for his best friend. "His di-"

"Personality, JJ" Kie cut off the blonde. "What he lacks in personality, he makes up for with money. Topper is boring as hell. He doesn't know the meaning of excitement and adventure. You do. I'm sure you have way more in common with her than Topper does." 

Pope took one last look at you, book open but ignored as Topper chatted with you. You just smiled and nodded before standing up and gathering your things, waving a small goodbye to Topper as you did. 

You glanced over and saw the Pogues watching you so you brought up your hand and sent them a small wave, blushing when Pope smiled and waved back at you.

The next time Pope saw you was at the library. He was getting a couple of books for a paper he had to write and you were there, scanning the shelves, trying to figure out what book you wanted to read next.

Pope had looked over and froze when he saw you just a few feet away from him, fingers ghosting over the spines of books as you read the titles. 

You had agreed to ride with Kelce to the library considering he needed a specific book to read and you needed a new book to read. You chewed on your lip, focusing on each one before pulling one out that caught your eye, reading the blurb before ultimately deciding that you didn’t want to read that one now. 

Pope took a deep breath before scanning the titles himself, attempting to find one that he had already read that he thought you would enjoy. He finally found one and grabbed it, walking over to you.

"Having troubles?" He asked.

You jumped slightly before looking at him. "Little bit. It's hard to find which one to read next, ya know."

Pope nodded before handing you the book. "You might like this one. I read it and could hardly put it down. It's definitely on my list of books to own." 

You took it with a smile. "Thanks."

 "It's no biggie." Pope shrugged. 

You smiled again before walking backwards towards the checkout counter. "I'll see you around, Pope." 

Pope grinned at the fact that you knew his name. "I hope so, Y/N."

You blushed slightly before turning around, meeting up with Kelce who immediately noticed your reddened cheeks.

"What's going on over here, Y/N/N?" He asked, pointing to his own cheeks.

"Nothing." You mumbled, placing your book and library card on the counter. 

Kelce looked around, trying to spot who was making his best friend blush before shrugging.

Later that night, you and Kelce were sitting on his living room floor with Rafe and Topper, a board game set out in front of the boys as you read your book and listened to their conversation. 

"Topper, St.Louis is not the capital of Illinois." Rafe said for what felt like the hundredth time. 

"What are you talking about? Yes it is!" 

Kelce took a deep breath before looking at Topper. "Top, sweetie, if you think St.Louis is the capital of Illinois, then what's the capital of Missouri?"

"Boise?"

You peered over your book with a blank look on your face, Kelce and Rafe having the same look on theirs.

"Come on guys, you know I'm bad at geography." Topper whined.

"I think," Rafe started, looking at Kelce, "We need to bust out that Sequence state capital game from second grade."

"I think I lost a brain cell during this conversation," Kelce rubbed his temples.

"Good thing you're not playing fucking jeopardy or you'd really be screwed, Top." You said.

Topper turned his attention to you. "Not all of us are book smart, Y/L/N." Topper leaned over to look at the page before squinting. "Whatcha reading that's better than playing a game with us, anyway?" 

You held up the book enough so they could read the title and Rafe raised an eyebrow. "Where'd ya find that one?"

"Someone recommended it to me." You blushed a little at the interaction with Pope earlier that day.

"Oh ho ho. That is the same blush you had at the library. You like this person." Kelce pointed.

"Shut up, Kelc."

"Wait. She was blushing? Oh snap."

"Spill the name, Y/N."

You rolled your eyes at your friends before replying. "I don't have to tell you three anything."

"Come on. If you're not gonna tell us then how will we tease you?" Rafe whined.

"That's exactly why I'm not gonna tell you. You'll just tease me and then whenever he's around, you'll act all juvenile."

Topper looked at the two boys before turning towards you. "If we promise that we will keep the teasing to a minimum when he's not around and that we act mature about this, will you tell us?"

You bit your lip before hesitantly nodding. Rafe, Topper and Kelce's eyes widened, eager to hear the name about to come out of your mouth.

You sighed, bookmarking your page. "His name is Marcel. He wears glasses and wears a sweater vest. A bit on the awkward side but very sweet."

Kelce and Topper shot each other confused glances, never having heard that name before. Rafe, on the other hand, cocked his head to the side with an unamused look and a 'really'.

"You know this Marcel, Cameron?" Topper asked.

"Yeah. If you watch the Best Song Ever music video, you'll meet him. I do have two sisters, remember." He answered.

You shrugged. "Worth a shot."

"Come on, Y/L/N. Just give us the name." 

You held up your hands in surrender. "Okay, okay." Your three friends leaned forward, staying quiet with raised eyebrows. "Pope Heyward." 

"Oh my God," Topper breathed.

"Can we not do the usual 'traitor' bullshit please? I feel like my mom is already going to have a fit."

"What makes you think we'd do that?" 

You shot each of them a look before standing up. "I gotta get going. You guys have fun and Topper," you looked at the blonde, "learn your damn capitals."

And then you were out the door.

****

Pope walked into The Wreck a few days later and spotted you in the corner, book in hand while you ate your food. Pope was so focused on you that he didn't even notice Kie appear next to him with a water pitcher in her hand.

"You gonna stand there all day or you gonna sit down with her and start up a conversation."

Pope whipped his head to look at his friend before shrugging. "I guess I could but sh-"

"She's reading and its rude to interrupt someone whos reading. I know." Kie rolled her eyes before walking over to your table.

He saw you smile at Kie and greet her before nodding. You looked past Kie and saw Pope. You grinned and waved him over which Pope happily did, taking a seat across from you.

"Want anything Pope?" Kie asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Just get me the usual." 

Kie smiled before walking away towards the back.

"I finished that book you recommended to me last night and I was speechless. The ending was...wow." You leaned back in your chair, taking a drink of water. 

"I know right. That book made me want to read all his other works and they're all just so amazing." Pope grinned.

"His writing is so poetic that I was surprised I wasn't reading an actual poem."

"Exactly. He's such a good writer."

You two talked for hours about different authors and books you guys liked, eventually both of you started writing down names of books and authors for the other to check out.

"How long have they been like that?" John B asked, JJ sitting beside him along with the kook boys who joined them unexpectedly with no hassle whatsoever. 

"Lets see. You five have been here for 45 minutes to an hour, Pope showed up a couple of hours before you. So...almost four." Kie smiled before scurrying off to wait on another table.

"Four what? Hours?" JJ asked. 

"Yes, dumbass." Rafe rolled his eyes before turning his attention back to the table where you sat with Pope.

"They both look so happy." Topper commented.

"Because they are. They're in love." Kelce sighed with a dopey smile on his face, resting his head against his hand.

"Aren't they a little young for love?" John B raised an eyebrow.

Kelce shot him a look which caused John B to raise his hand in surrender. 

"What do you think they're talking about?"

"They're both nerds. Take a guess."

JJ opened his mouth to object, offended on behalf of his best friend but John B stopped him. "No, no. He has a point."

You glanced at your watch before standing up, saying something to Pope who nodded, handing each other your phones. 

JJ smirked. "My boy is getting some." Rafe, Kelce, and Topper all turned to look at JJ, unamused with his words. "Or not."

*****

Pope shook his head. "No way. That is one of the dumbest and most cliche tropes ever." 

It was a week later and you and Pope sat at The Wreck again, having a conversation about whatever you recently read and now, apparently, your favorite and least favorite tropes.

"I have to disagree. Enemies to lovers has my heart." You responded, taking a bite out of your burger after you spoke.

"One bed and they have to share reigns supreme." Pope popped a fry into his mouth like that was the end of discussion. 

You held up your finger as you finished chewing before swallowing. "You have to have some love for the enemies to lovers trope then because a lot of enemies to lovers involve sharing a bed." You pointed out.

"What about friends to lovers? Hmm? Hmmm? That right there is practically gold and bed sharing comes into play." 

You rolled your eyes. "At some point, a friend likes another. I can tell you in confidence that I had a crush on Topper, Kelce, and Rafe at some point in our friendship. It was bound to happen because we hang out so much. Enemies to lovers though? Who willingly hangs out with their enemy? No one." 

Pope laughed. "Alright. Sure. Whatever." 

"Don't whatever me Pope. I'm right and you know I am." You laughed. 

Pope held his hands up in surrender.  "Sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night."

Kiara walked over to your table and you smiled. "Lets ask Kie."

"Ask me what?" Her eyes darted between you and Pope.

Pope turned to Kie. "I want you to be honest with me, Kie. Which trope is better? Best friends to lovers or enemies to lovers."

Kie blinked slowly as she spoke. "I was just coming here to ask if you need refills or anything else."

"This is more important. Best friends to lovers or enemies to lovers?" 

You both looked at the girl expectedly and she shrugged. "I'm more of a fake dating girl myself so neither."

"Or both." You raised your eyebrows.

"True. Enemies could fake date or friends could. Sounds like a both thing for me."

Kie just turned and walked away, shaking her head with a small smile. 

Your phone dinged and you looked down, seeing a text from your mom. "Thats my mother paging me." You sighed as you stood up. "This has been a fun date, Pope." 

"Date?" 

You felt your face heat up from embarrassment."Oh, was this...not- I shouldn't have assumed. I'm sorry."  

"No, it was. I just didn't think you'd think of it as one." Pope quickly said.

You smiled before kissing his cheek. "I'll talk to you later then.'

Pope blushed as he watched you walk away, paying for your half of the meal before exiting the building.

****

It's been a month since you and Pope became official. A lot of your dates were either study dates, beach dates, or dates that consisted of you two eating at The Wreck while discussing anything under the sun.

Pope was kind of scared when you asked him what he wanted to do for a living, considering everyone else thought it was weird but you were supportive.

"That's cool." 

Popes eyes widened in shock at your words. "Really? No 'why would you choose a coroner' or 'why the hell would you wanna work with dead bodies'?"

You shrugged as you stole one of the fries from his plate. "I think it's cool. It's a job not many people want but it's an important one." 

That was probably when Pope knew that he was in deep with you. The fact that you didn't judge the things he was passionate about and what he wanted to do. That just made him fall for you more and let him know that you were the perfect girl for him.

Now here you were, spending the weekend together in the best way.

You sat in Pope's living room, okay laid in Pope's living room, watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Pope had the house all to himself for the weekend and invited you over for a Harry Potter movie marathon since you two just finished rereading the entire series. 

So here you were, curled into your boyfriend's side with his arm draped over your shoulders, holding you closer if that was even possible. 

You sighed as Alan Rickman appeared on the screen. "I miss him."

Pope kissed the top of your head as he rubbed your arm. "I know, sweetheart. You say that everytime he pops up on screen."

"I can't help it. He was just such a good soul." 

Pope smiled, twirling some of your hair around his finger. He loved listening to you talk about things and people you were passionate about. The smile on your face whenever someone, usually him, brought up one of those topics was worth it and he could listen to your voice for hours on end, which usually happened when a topic of interest was brought up. 

"Are you even listening to me?" You'd ask, tapping his wrist.

"Every word."

You'd lean back and cross your arms, a smirk on your face as you raised one of your eyebrows. "Oh really?"

He'd nod before speaking. "You were saying how you think iced coffee is better than regular hot coffee."

You'd make an impressed face. "Are you going to say anything at any point in this conversation."

He'd pretend to think about it before shaking his head. "I'm good." 

You'd roll your eyes before purposely bringing up a topic that would cause him to talk some because just like him, you were obsessed with seeing his smile when he was interested in a topic and hearing his voice.

"Pope, did you hear me?" 

Pope blinked before shaking his head. "No. Sorry. I was spacing this time."

"I asked if you wanted to make stir fry tonight?" You laughed lightly at the space cadet you called a boyfriend.

Pope smiled and nodded. "Sounds great. I'll ask dad if we can raid the store for whatever we don't have." 

You both pulled out your phones, you to get the recipe and Pope to ask his dad if it was okay to take whatever was needed for dinner. 

You walked into the kitchen and started pulling out whatever you could find that was needed for the stir fry before writing down on a notepad what was left.

"We got the go ahead." Pope told you and you held up the notepad.

"Then let's go on an adventure." 

You two paused the movie and made your way down the street towards Heywards hand in hand.

"Have you ever seen the Percy Jackson movies?" You asked, genuinely curious if Pope had or not. Pope shook his head and you let out a laugh. "Oh boy. We might have to take a break from good ol' HP so you can watch them." 

"Why?" Pope swung your arms as looked at you.

"You might find them...interesting. That's all." You shrugged.

"Are they good?" 

You smiled up at him as you leaned your head on his arm. "You'll have to see."

Normally, you wouldn't recommend watching the movies to anyone but when it came to Pope, you wanted him to see it. You wanted to see him rant about all the differences and how bad this adaptation was. You wanted to see him get all flustered at the smallest details that the movies got wrong and complain about how this doesn't do the books any justice. 

"Are you setting me up?" A small smile sat on Pope's lips.

You placed a hand to your heart.  "Ouch Pope. That stings."

He just laughed before kissing your temple as you approached Heywards. Pope unlocked the door and you followed him inside, picking up the rest of your ingredients before walking over to the counter and pulling a 20 out of your pocket, sliding it under one of the boxes for Mr.Heyward to find.

"Really? You know my dad loves you right? Like you don't have to pay him for this stuff. He gave us the okay." Pope said.

You shrugged. "It's fine and it's only right. I mean, I'm taking things from his store. The least I can do is pay him." You turned to the security camera and waved before pointing to the box the cash was under and doing the hand signal for money.

"You do know he cant check the system from his phone right?" 

"Yeah but if he plays it back, he'll know and no one else will see the footage." You smiled before turning back to your boyfriend. "Ready?" You asked as you placed your things in a bag. 

Pope grabbed your hand and the bag as he nodded. "Lets get cooking." 

You laughed as you followed him back outside, waiting for him to lock the door before beginning the short journey back to his, the pair of you thinking about how lucky you were to have someone like the other.

~~~~~~

[desperateground]

since we're doing anti discourse i guess: the antis ive seen on their own blogs (as opposed to other blogs askboxes) seem more concerned with media that portrays pedophilia in a positive light, as that very much can influence people into thinking it isn't THAT bad. If portrayed as the bad thing it is, they dont mind. Personally, do you see a difference in something that goes "heres an adult in love with a child, how sweet" as opposed to "heres an adult in love with a child, isnt that fucked up?"

under a cut cause this got long

I would love to be on the internet where you are, because it sounds a lot more reasonable than the one I live on, where stuff like this just makes me go ???

the thing is that fiction actually does influence people’s perceptions of reality, and we ought to care about that! if a person grows up watching movies where cops break the rules but it’s OK because they’re the good guys; or where stalkerish and manipulative behavior counts as “grand romantic gestures” that obligate a woman to date a man; or where Black people are depicted as uneducated and violent, of course that is going to color their opinions of the world.

and there are a lot of really good conversations being had about issues like that, and we absolutely need to have those conversations about responsible media creation and consumption. this power can be used for good as well as for evil. many people cite shows like Will & Grace as helping turn the tide of public opinion against seeing “homosexuality” as deviant and instead seeing gay people as “normal” and “lovable” and “relatable.” superman was a beloved enough All-American Hero that a storyline where he fights the KKK is credited with helping turn the KKK from a mainstream fraternity into something seen as a fringe hate group.

so i would agree that a giant wave of media with positive depictions of pedophilia would be concerning. 

however, we do not currently live in a world where “here’s an adult in love with a child, how sweet” is a major issue in media narratives such that people are absorbing the attitude that pedophilia is fine, cool, and good.

in fact, pedophilia is such a hated subject that we have a whole political movement in my country based on people calling anyone they dislike a “pedophile” and accusing them of all sorts of depraved shit involving children. most people who have sexual inclinations toward children are fully aware that these desires are at odds with society and that they will become pariahs if these desires were known to others.

(In fact, this level of ostracization can put people at a higher risk of offending, because they feel hopeless, have nowhere to turn for support, and figure if they’re going to be a pariah anyway, they may as well do the one thing they can think of that feels good. Forcing conversations about this to go completely underground means that you end up with awful groups like nambla dominating the conversation and convincing lost, lonely, frightened people to hop on board with their dangerous attitudes. if the only people safe to talk to about this stuff are people who will excuse, justify, encourage, and promote offenses against children, it makes sense that people would end up in their grip. You can read more here and here.)

much of the “media” that these “antis” are up in arms about is fan created content intended for a small population. the people creating content that riles up antis generally recognize that this is not mainstream content and use things like tags and content warnings to set it aside from other content. the notion that certain tropes in fanworks are going to bring about a massive cultural shift is a bizarre slippery-slope argument, and i think people's energy would be better focused on problems that are actually currently existing rather than a potential future where a few tags on ao3 have become dominant themes in network television and blockbuster movies. 

another issue here is that when an “anti” uses the term “pedophilia,” it’s completely unclear what they are actually referring to. a reasonable person would assume that they mean “a sexual relationship between an adult and a child,” but the definitions of “adult,” “child,” and “sexual relationship” have gotten so blurry within this discourse that it’s impossible to determine what’s being discussed. i’ve seen people claim that any relationship is inherently “pedophilic” if the characters have any sort of age gap, if there is any sort of power imbalance, if they both belong to the same “found family,” or even if one looks younger in appearance.

so when someone says “fictional narratives that depict pedophilia in a positive light,” they may actually be referring to “fictional narratives that depict any relationship I don’t like,” which is such a vague and meaningless statement that it becomes completely useless.

finally, your actual question is whether I personally see a difference between stories where the narrative perspective seems to critique the relationship vs stories where the narrative perspective romanticizes the relationship. i think your question is...hard to answer, because there is just too much there.

first off, it’s not always easy to tell whether a story is “vilifying” vs “glamorizing” something. people watch movies like fight club and take away very different thematic messages about whether the protagonist is someone to admire and emulate. if we say that depictions of abuse are only “good” or “allowed” if the narrative clearly portrays the abuse as “fucked up,” then we’re going to have to establish a High Court of AP English Teachers to determine exactly what narrative devices are employed and how, and that’s just...not...workable.

also, some people like the “fucked up”-ness of these stories; if you’re trying to say that something is bad if people “enjoy it” or “get off” on it or “indulge” in the darkness of the content, then it doesn’t matter if the story itself is wagging its finger at the naughty, naughty reader. the taboo, the erotic, and the deviant are, and have always been, wrapped up in each other. you can depict something as “bad” and yet still “fun;” it becomes a useless distinction when talking about sexual content. 

do i personally see a difference, when it comes to my own enjoyment? yeah, absolutely. i stopped watching game of thrones not because it included rape, but because the way the cinematography, musical score, etc. made it clear that the show was expecting me to feel a certain way about those images, and i didn’t appreciate that. i also didn’t appreciate the directorial decision to give more dignity to a dog’s death by cutting to black than to violence against women. i would probably not enjoy a book or movie that’s just about how awesome and fun it is to hurt people; though i did like clockwork orange - i found the narrator abhorrent, but interesting.

but i think trying to split hairs about what does and doesn’t count as Problematic or Allowable Content, or trying to tell people that what they create and/or consume is Bad and they are Bad for doing it, because its inclusion of dark themes is Doing It Wrong - it’s not helpful. it’s impossible to develop a standard for what is “doing it wrong vs doing it right” that makes any sense, and even if you did, enforcing it through campaigns of hatred and social vilification is not going to be effective.