#also my sister has an ED so she can only eat specific things

[ohwowimlonley]

Do u guys cry if u don’t make lunch at exactly 12 and dinner at exactly 5 or are u normal?

[dragonfly0808]

Stella: The Thesis

If you’ve read my Fate rant, you know I’ve got a lot of feelings about Stella, so here we go.

Again SPOILERS IF YOU’RE NOT UP TO DATE WITH THE REWRITE, like at least up til Chapter 38 of Season 3

Also, TRIGGER WARNING: Discussion of Eating Disorders

First Things First

The first words in my character sheet to summarize her character in the OG are: Spectacular Diva who doesn’t always think before talking.

I think we can all agree that a big point Stella’s character was to combat the mean blonde girl stereotype without making her a tomboy. Letting her love sparkle and be dramatic without being mean. The only times that Stella is mean are when her brain-to-mouth filter fail and she always makes up for it.

I always loved Stella’s character, especially post season 3, and I was very specific about what I wanted to do with her character. Making her a little more mature without taking away any of her Stella charm.

Stella is a perfect character for a ‘fake it till you make it’ mentality and to hide any insecurity behind a kind of ‘armor’. Fashion is Stella’s armor if that makes sense, and she is probably the most insecure in the group, even if she’s been working on it since even before the rewrite begins.

My very first major change is to change the reason she took a sabbatical year. Instead of blowing up a lab carelessly and her dad having to make a ‘generous donation’ to get her back into Alfea, Stella choses to take a year off to work on her mental health and her ED.

So, I chose for her to suffer from Anorexia as a response to 1) a need for validation from her mom, who has a bad habit of commenting on her body, 2) incredible stress from her parents fighting all the time and 3) the pressure of being a future queen affecting her a lot.

We only really see Stella post-healing from her ED, but we still get to see her not taking care of herself as much as she should when very stressed or very emotional, and the group (especially Sky, Brandon, Tecna and Bloom) tend to keep an eye on her to make sure she’s eating properly.

Stella’s at her core, a very caring person. Someone once commented that, while Bloom will be the one to lead the girls in battle, once it’s all over, Stella is the one they look to and the one to take care of all the girls and I feel like that’s a perfect summary of who Stella is as a friend.

Stella feels a lot of responsability towards the girls, both because she’s the oldest and because she just loves them with all her heart and would do anything for them.

We often see her trying to take care of her own emotions on her own or even shoving her feelings down in order to comfort the other girls. (Not talking to Brandon because she doesn’t want him to worry about her, getting her emotions/powers under control to comfort Aisha, etc)

Even though she’s an only child, Stella is very much an older sister. She jokes and teases and is just a little annoying because its fun to her, but the second things get serious, she’s the one they look to for comfort or for a safe place. The first time we see this is in Season 1 when Flora has a breakdown, the other girls freeze because they’ve never seen Flora like this and they’re not sure what to do, Stella instantly takes over, gets her into comfy pijamas, tells the teachers they’ll take the day off and makes the decision to call in someone else to give Flora what she needs at the moment. Like Musa says, ‘Flora is so mature sometimes I forget Stella’s the oldest.’

Another way we see that her caring is her main trait is her dedication to be a good future queen.

Stella is incredibly close with her personal guards Sua and Lola, sees them as mother figures and she knows the names of almost the entire castle personal. She takes as many courses as she can and is not ashamed to ask for extra classes with subjects like Economy so that when her time comes, she can be the queen that Solaria deserves.

This comes into play with her Enchantix, she dies protecting her dad, protecting Chimera even though at the moment Chimera is trying to steal her place, protecting two guards.

We truly see who Stella is with the entire Chimera situation in s3, she knows what it’s like to be 15 and insecure and kinda hate yourself. And she knows what it’s like to feel like she’s alone. So she gives Chimera what her friends once gave to her. Hope, warmth and a chance to remake herself.

Stella takes Chimera in as her little sister even after everything. Because she understands and she cannot not care about her.

Stella’s main trait, that never changes is that she is caring and she will do anything for the people she loves.

Thoughts Behind Main Relationships

Bloom: Bloom is Stella’s person. Like I’ve mentioned, they have a very Taylor Swift, invisible string kind of friendship. They were always meant to be friends.

To Stella, Bloom is part of her very soul, her very being. If Stella is the sun then Bloom is the moon, the two are connected in a way that neither can quite describe.

To Stella, Bloom is safety, she can be vulnerable and weak and just show herself with Bloom and she knows that if she breaks, Bloom will be there to help pull her back together or to be strong for the both of them.

That’s something that Stella has never truly allowed herself to feel before, even with her closest friends. Bloom is the one that she trusts to put her back together if she ever breaks. Because she’d do the same for her.

Brandon: Brandon and Stella have known each other for two years before season 1 and from the moment they met they were drawn to each other.

Brandon somehow saw right through Stella’s facade of confidence that she wore back in the day, and he was intrigued by who she really was. She was a bit intimidated by this but was also intrigued.

It took them a long time to admit their feelings but they have a relationship founded in friendship, softness and trust. They’ve seen each other at rock bottom, they know that they’ll stay no matter what. They feel safe with each other.

Brandon thinks Stella is beautiful of course, but that is not why he fell in love with her, it was pretty much everything else. And Stella didn’t fall for him for his looks either, she fell for the boy who’s a family man and takes care of his four younger sisters and who never hesitated to help Sky and who is just a protector at his core and who always believed in her.

Their love is, ‘I’ve seen you at your worst, I’ve seen what you hide from the world, I know exactly who you are and I am so in love with every aspect and shade of you that I don’t know how I could ever not love you. I know that you’re insecure deep down and I understand that and there is such comfort in how knowing we are of each other that somehow, after a life-time of being terrified to be vulnerable, being weak with you is easier than it should be and all fear goes away when you hold me.’

Sky: Sky and Stella have known each other since birth. They’ve been best friends since they were less than two years old and have always had each other’s back.

One of the major changes I made to season 1 was having Stella know about the switcharoo between Sky and Brandon, mostly because, since she’s known Sky her whole life, they couldn’t really keep it a secret from her.

This formed a dynamic for the trio and made them the closest subunit in season 1 since they’ve known each other the longest.

Stella and Sky are two kids who bonded as kids but continued to deepen their bond as they both realized the weight on their shoulders due to being the future rulers of their respective planets.

These two are definetely siblings. They both had somewhat strict mothers so when together, they love to get to just be goofy teenagers. Their friendship is one of ‘We both have so much to do and a lot of weight on our shoulders but when we’re together we can let go and try to trip each other into a fountain for the fun of it and stick out our tongues just because we can and I know you’d never get mad at me over something like that. But you know that if you even need anything I will be right here and nothing will stop me from helping you.’

Who is Stella in this Rewrite?

Stella is someone who is learning to love herself and come into her own. To accept her insecurities and learn from them.

She is the kind of person who is goofy and has so much personality that you can’t help but just notice when they walk into the room. She is always making people laugh, but the second that things go dire, she is the first to jump to protect her friends. Once the battle is over, she’ll be the first to comfort the others.

Stella is a complex young woman. Who has immense passion and love and care within her and who uses all of that in every single relationship that she has. She pours her love into her studies to be a good queen someday.

She is a woman who has gone through hating herself to starting to truly realize that she is allowed to be proud of herself and even admire who she has become in the face of adversity.

Stella is someone who’s caring at her very core and who shows that care in everything that she does.

Stella is a girl filled to the brim with personality and care and strength. And it shows in everything that she does.

———————

Masterlist

Stella Moodboard

Stella’s Instagram

Bloom and Stella Moodboard

Stella and Brandon Moodboard

Stella and Sky Moodboard

Please comment on this one cause I had a bit of a tough time wording what I wanted to say this time around (that’s why this one took so long) so I’d love to know your thoughts!

[cloveroctobers]

can you do some headcanons on what it would be like to be Jordan and Olivia (all American)’s sister and to be a teen mom and to just be part of the whole vortex friend group? Loved ur Layla headcanons <33 Sorry this is hella specific and worded weird 😭 English is not my first language

BAKER SIBLINGS x3

A/N: glad you enjoyed them! + Your English is just fine👌🏾💜 & this ended up being a little more focused on Ada’s relationship with the twins actually and their childhood 😅 + I also was unsure how to end it, which I’m sure you’ll be able to tell once you get to the bottom lol.

WARNINGS: some possible triggering subject matters related to ED are mentioned somewhere down below. + GIF SEARCH IS ALWAYS DONE BY GOOGLE & BELONGS TO: @bakerolivia

・❥・ੈ✩‧₊˚ ・❥ ੈ✩‧₊˚ ・❥・ੈ✩‧₊˚ ・❥ ੈ✩‧

Ada Baker, also know as little Baker would be the baby sibling to the baker twins ofc.

Two years behind to be exact.

Current age as of season 5: 17/18? —Since the writers never have a consistent timeline/time frame— but it’s been brought to my attention due to the one of the episodes that Jordan is 19 so Olivia is also 19.

They’re both born in April, making them Aries babies

Two year old Jordan was not thrilled having another sister, which Laura and Billy found funny considering how close he ended up being to Ada.

Back then? They heavily got on each other’s nerves.

Ada is a cancer (born in late June) and although reserved/Stand off-ish to some, her closest friends and family know just how goofy she is just like the baker’s all can be.

She snorts when she laughs for one.

She’s also the first one to break out into dance moves with their dad Billy once he gets into his two-step routine or soul train moves, regardless of who’s watching, she loves laughing and dancing with that bald headed man.

Quiet yet sweet and temperamental all wrapped in one. First they’re sour, then they’re sweet—is definitely Ada!

The youngest sib is actually the most protective imo—she’ll throw hands for any of her sibs and will insert herself into any of their fights if need be.

Most of the time she’s open to seeing different perspectives but all hats are off when it goes to those that start shit with her big brother and sister.

Jordan and Ada are the fighters whereas Liv is more so on the verbal part, the girl is slick with her words but don’t underestimate—Liv has a mean uppercut and back hand. Have you seen those long arms?!

Was the “chubby” sibling growing up so lots of bullying was going on and kids also liked to pick on her freckles? How dumb! which resulted in fights and a few suspensions or detentions—older baker’s included.

Ada never had a reason to experience body dysmorphia (even when her own grandmother would make shady comments to Laura when they visited her for the weekend) until other kids started making it a big deal. 

She hit puberty early and the immaturity seemed to only increase due to being top heavy and not shaped so thinly like her mother or older sister.

Lots of depression, anger, wearing baggy clothing, and limiting their food intake became a thing during her middle school years and she became the first out of the family to seek therapy.

Billy didn’t think it was necessary, feeling that his daughter should just talk to him, his wife, or her siblings as the answer. It took some convincing and it wasn’t until Billy picked up on some unhealthy habits—like barely eating, purging, fainting from lack of nutrients, and seeing her constantly step on the scale three x a day, did he finally come around.

Then she took up kick-boxing which helped a lot along with her hobby of creating her own coraline inspired dolls and obsession with stop motion animation films.

She wasn’t as athletic as Jordan and she remembered being forced to attend dance classes as a kid with Liv but it ultimately wasn’t her thing.

Ofc sports were encouraged in the baker household and softball was a thing for awhile before kickboxing, “but you’re excellent at softball why would you want to give it up?” Billy asked an eight year old Ada who just shrugged her shoulders in the backseat after a game, “it’s boring daddy and I don’t want to do it anymore.” He was always softhearted for his baby girls so he didn’t pushed it but he became even more excited when Ada picked up kickboxing—not for the reason behind it though!

Ada’s kicks were insane!

“Ada, What’s the most rebellious thing you’ve ever done?” Olivia asked while the siblings decided to do a sibling tag for Liv’s Instagram.

The twins awaited Ada’s answer as she sat in between them and snorted, “probably get pregnant.”

Olivia nodded her head with her lips pushed out, lightly laughing as she returned her attention back to her phone, “Oop.”

“Well that’s all folks.” Jordan gave a two finger salute while Ada shrugged at the camera, a smirk on her lips.

It’s not like she purposely went out and got pregnant at fifteen but it was the first thing that came to mind—although there was probably a small list—she can be straight forward sometimes.

She went to Liv first with this huge secret, wanting her big sis to be there with her while she took the two tests from her Tongan boyfriend, who sneakily stole one from his older sister and bought the other.

“You better not be pranking me, Ada. This is serious.” Liv paced the floor while Ada was in the bathroom, tending to business.

“Why would I joke about this? You saw how much I was shaking when I told you.”

Liv sighed, knowing she was right. She was shocked that Ada even thought this was a possibility, eyes wide and almost gagging at the image of her sister being involved with her annoying jock boyfriend who didn’t even look sixteen.

But she also felt pride that Ada came to her first about this whole ordeal. The baker family was slowly getting better at paying more attention to each other and communicating so this actually means a lot that Ada trusted Liv with this secret.

With Liv reading the two pink lines for her and the second almost screaming: pregnant. she held onto her baby sister who fell into tears over this new change of direction her life was about to unfold.

Laura was told next before Ada’s bf at the time and Laura had the same reaction as liv: wide eyes and mouth agape before she rounded off questions: “how could you be so irresponsible? You’re only a child yourself! We’re making you an appointment first thing tomorrow morning to see how far along you are and your best options!”

Laura was just as upset as Ada but it was evident the girl was scared at the mere fact that she was having a child and that her family would probably disown her. Laura could see it in her child’s low-set damp eyes and with the way Liv was trying to be a mediator, she sighed trying to collect her thoughts, calming down.

Eventually Laura squeezed Ada to her chest, telling her that everything will be figured out and not to speak a word of it to her father until after the appointment.

Jordan found out anyways since her bf blurted it out one night when they ran into each other at this restaurant and Jordan roughed the younger boy up a bit for even “joking” about his sister like that before it was broken up.

Jordan invaded Ada’s privacy, going through her room to get some answers and when he did… he never could keep a secret—he brought it right to their father.

Billy and Jordan were heavily disappointed and said some very hurtful things that Laura immediately stepped in, her mommy bear instincts firing off at the two men in the house. “What’s the matter with you two? This is your daughter, your sister! To think what the both of you said to her was even remotely okay, tells me you don’t respect her as a person and I won’t stand for either of you speaking to her like that!”

Ada gave them both the silent treatment for a month until a sit down was demanded by Laura and Liv.

Apologies were made and life went on but that didn’t mean the wound wasn’t still there.

Ada rarely forgot much.

To be pregnant by your first love changed everything for Ada Baker. To have a bf so supportive, more supportive than her own father and brother meant a lot and she swore she was going to be with this guy forever.

Until he moved back to New Zealand, finding it selfish that her bf’s family just up and left knowing he had a child.

Which made things even harder for Ada. Juggling school—the gossip and the work load, the absence of her bf in raising their child together, simply being a teen mom was extremely hard, the change of her body after birth, she thought about old habits until she looked into the replica of her own hooded eyes that she handed down to her child, reminding Ada that she had to be better for her.

Everyday was a daily struggle but one thing is extremely true: Ada loved her daughter, dearly.

The little girl easily gained the number one spot for “best friend”

She loved having matching outfits with her and socializing with her who easily babbled back before she really learned how to speak.

Although Ada’s teenage years changed because of her daughter, she couldn’t imagine what it would be like without her vocal, smart, and active child.

It got a smidge easier as Ada’s baby got older, allowing her to spend more time with the vortex and her own set of friends. She became less needy but still adored Ada just the same.

There’s no other way to describe a child running up to you to give you the biggest hug after a long day 🥹

Attending high school, homework, work, and tending to a two year old before and after—majority of the time depending what time Ada got off. She was super thankful that Mama Laura stepped in most of the time along with the vortex. Ask her how she does it? Barely.

She gets frustrated with her child’s father since he’s not physically here to help and a FaceTime can only do so much.

I feel like the vortex wouldn’t exclude Ada as much as they got older. They’ve all been friends since childhood and she was always viewed as, “Little Bunny Baker” or simply “Little baker.”

The bunny stood for: Ada’s obsession with bunnies back when she was in elementary school.

The bakers never got into owning a cat or a dog. It was always a hamster or a fish since the family was usually always on the go.

Which resulted in Jordan accidentally k*lling Ada’s pet Bunny, leaving it outside in its cage during a heatwave in the hills while they were heading to the Grand Canyon one summer.

Ada would have done it herself and sure it was her responsibility but being rushed out of the house with a father like billy at the crack of dawn—Billy, Liv, and Ada left for the airport early to catch a morning flight since Laura couldn’t get off work until the afternoon and would be taking the evening flight with Jordan

Ada begged jordan on the phone to do it for her as they made it to the airport and Jordan said he would

Laura double checked with Jordan before they were also rushing out of the house to their car service and Jordan swore he did…

Until they came back and you can guess what was left for Ada there.

That was the last time she ever forgot to do something. Shout-out to childhood trauma!

anyways it wasn’t necessarily anything personal with the vortex, it’s just that she was a little young and they were older and they were the “cooler.” She was just kinda “weird” kid with glasses and freckles who wasn’t into what other kids were into. You know how that goes as the younger sibling…

JJ was probably the only one that didn’t make Ada feel some type of way as a kid. Always the big heart that one and Ada would be lying if she said a teeny crush wasn’t formed—back then!

Layla was sorta nice too, being Olivia’s glamorous best friend and all but Ada didn’t miss how they gossiped about her sometimes when Ada left the room—which resulted in Ada calling Liv out on it.

The screaming matches between those two growing up? It makes complete sense why Ada’s daughter has a set of strong vocal cords on her.

But hey that was all childhood stuff! As they got older, there was no need for the excluding of Ada Baker. She was just as much family as Jordan and Olivia.

If she’s down to party, she’s hitting up JJ and knows how to have a good time but knows her limit. Full on compliments from the long haired blond whenever he see’s her and he may or may not get a dance with her. “C’mon! None of that I don’t dance, crap!” “Okay, JJ! Just keep your hands where I can see them.” “Forsure! I’m a total gentleman, just ask all my lady lovers.” “This is where I leave you.” “Awww c’mon! I’m just giving a reference!”

She wasn’t the closest with asher, even when he dated Liv after Layla. She honestly didn’t approve of the relationship but Liv wasn’t trying to hear that. They actually shared some words here and there but now? They speak to each other much calmer now that he’s having a baby and is full of questions. Ada’s actually befriended Jaimee/Jaymee quite easily and Asher just wanted to get along with everyone that was cool with his gf.

Asher is the one constantly asking questions whereas Jaimee just tends to go with the flow. He’ll even text Ada at odd hours asking questions just to be hit with, “Asher, it’s midnight. Go to bed or I’ll cancel your ass again.” “Okay but before you consider doing that! What does colic mean again?” “Sorry but…Google is free.” “Who needs google when I have the real thing here?” “👋🏽” “hello?”

I’d say she’s probably closest with Jaimee and maybe Patience. They’re usually the two she’s hanging out with while the rest of the vortex maybe busy and if she isn’t dragged to hang with Jordayla (mostly by the request of Layla) and Liv or isn’t hanging out with her daughter or her own group tbh.

How does she feel about jordayla? It wasn’t much of a shock to her (or anyone) that this was a thing. Everyone knew and they failed so horribly to “hide it.”

They were all in each other’s faces like no one else was in the room at the baker’s household

“Well this is disturbing.” Ada mumbled to her mom, popping a zucchini slice in her mouth while she bounced her giggling daughter on one hip. Which earned a shush from Laura and a cackle from Liv.

Overall she may shit-talk the relationship but she’s happy that her brother found true love again after Simone and she definitely drags Jordan for proposing but is all smiles when Layla actually asks her to be a bridesmaid with a gift way down the line.

She’s a spelivia shipper, always rooting for them and she was always fond of Spencer the more he came around…kinda liking the idea that he may have biologically been a brother. Ada wouldn’t have minded another brother and Spencer seemed to become that regardless of blood and she liked how he always looked out for everyone (a gift and a curse!), especially Liv.

With Spencer came coop and just like Asher, Ada also had her ups and downs in their friendship but most of the time they got along and kinda had to since they all lived together.

Ada Baker is ultimately type 4, “the individualist,”(“Fours want to be unique and to experience deep, authentic emotions. Type Fours fear they are flawed and are overly focused on how they are different from other people”) when it comes to the vortex and basically life.

🍋 🐚🍋🐚🍋🐚🍋🐚🍋🐚🍋🐚🍋🐚🍋🐚

Continue along with my summer anthology prompts here.

[rosie-posie0777]

things my sister did that helped me heal from ED sheeran<3

This is halfway a sister appreciation post and halfway a post about how YOU can also help people who had/have my same issues. what worked for me won’t work for everyone, but this is just the perspective of someone who’s come pretty far in recovery and i want to help others do the same! i apologize but this is going to be long bc my sister is amazing.

she wasn’t afraid to “snitch.” sounds weird but hear me out. we have a very controlling mother who i don’t have the resources to get away from rn, and if my mom had found out about my problems, she would NOT have been supportive. she would have watched my every move twenty-four seven, forcing food down my throat, calling me ungrateful, attention seeking, money wasting, etc. but had my issues ever become life threatening, my sister didn’t sugarcoat it. she told me that if she knew i needed serious help and was a danger to myself, she would NOT enable me or keep my secrets. if it was either dying of ED sheeran or living a miserable life being even further controlled by my mom, she would have done WHATEVER it took to keep me alive, even if I was mad at her for it. 

she didn’t force me to do anything. she never guilted me by saying “eat... for me?” or made me eat in front of her to “prove” i was okay, which would only have made me INCREDIBLY uncomfy

she laughed along with my dark, ridiculous jokes about ED sheeran, which she knows are my fave coping mechanism in most situations. she was the ultimate safe space, and i never had to think twice before speaking in front of her for fear of being judged or misunderstood bc she’d always give me the benefit of the doubt. still, she would always remind me why my logic was unreasonable. example: i would make a joke about being scared of bread, and she’d laugh along, making a subtle comment about how she didn’t understand how it could control my life so much. obviously it controlled my life because I felt like i HAD to be skinnier, which brings us to or next point:

she reminded me that my weight did not equal my worth. she would always subtly compliment me both on things to do with my looks and things that did not, which built my self worth. even as someone who didn’t understand my illness, she never invalidated or challenged it, but she gave me even more validation whenever i said anything nice about myself or defied my disorder. any time that i did, she would EXPLODE with enthusiasm and pride, making me feel accomplished for loving myself whereas my eating disorder would make me feel accomplished for going days without eating and destroying myself. and she never tried to shove “looks don’t matter” down my throat because obviously that never works.

she listened and tried to understand, often repeating what i said back to her and continuing to listen if she didn’t get it the first time.

she checked on me randomly. when i was having obviously good days as well as obviously bad ones.

she asked why i was freaking out “randomly” instead of getting defensive or telling me i was being ridiculous when in truth i was just having another ED sheeran related problem

she didn’t judge or make assumptions. never once did she jump to a conclusion once i came out to her as an ED sheeran fan. 

this is more specific, but she would make all sorts of crazy recipes from Pinterest, including Ben and Jerry’s cookie dough, cake balls, mug cakes, etc. endearingly, her recipes DEFINITELY did not always turn out exactly the way she thought they would, but they were always good. she’d never make a big deal out of asking me to try it either. and she never guilted me by saying anything like “i made this, why won’t you eat it?” she always made stuff for me as a purely selfless act. she reminded me that food is not a tool to reach your ugw, food is a necessity to survive, and it should also be fun. 

so this kind of turned into me ranting about my perfect sister, but i really hope this helps any ED sheeran fans or anyone who has a loved one who is an ED sheeran fan. my sister isn’t perfect, and she definitely isn’t responsible for my recovery - that’s up to me. so if you know an ED sheeran fan who isn’t recovering, don’t feel guilty! don’t destroy yourself mentally trying to make them recover because you don’t want them destroying themselves mentally to weigh less, so how is that fair? just do your best.

i told my sister that without her i might weigh 90 pounds by now, but without her i definitely wouldn’t be happy, and with her help i’ve come to realize that if i weighed 90 pounds, i wouldn’t be magically happy. liysm @bettafetta, you make my life a million times brighter and i don’t know what i’d do without u<3

[what-if-nct]

Several things today:

Are you feeling okay? It seems like you’re much less active today, wanted to check in on you.

Daily reminder anon, please collect your barista husband. He is the most husband shaped man on this planet and he’s starting to wreck me. Which is uncalled for because he’s married to you. That’s my friend’s friend’s man, he’s off limits.

And lastly, the one. The only. Mister. Johnny. Suh! went full whore last night didn’t he. He must have heard us shit talking him for letting short Korean men take his fans and said “oh bet” Damn you sir. Damn you. 🐖🐇

I'm okay now but just did not have a good day I went to the doctor and I didnt have my usual doctor who I really really like, I genuinely I only trust female doctors.

ED TW

But despite losing quite a bit of weight and explaining I barely even reach 800 calories a day and I have to force myself to eat the doctor kept telling me I needed to eat less, I was eating too much and I'm going to die and I literally started crying and broke down at the elevator because what my brain hears is stop eating all together, you don't deserve food and my previous doctor was so much better cause she knew I was passing out every other night and knew my eating habits and kept telling me to eat more, even my temporary female doctor was better. I just really hate male doctors, they don't listen at all. And I had a free day but I just slept most of the day so I don't think too much. it did trigger my food issues really bad. its almost 8pm and i only ate breakfast today. Also I've had headaches on and off for the past week. It's mainly cause weed makes my head hurt and only smoke like one in a blue moon but my sister smokes everyday multiple times a time day when she doesnt have work so the smoke. But im okay now, im so surprised you even noticed.

Kun is literally the most husband shaped man, like Britney's song "Born to Make You Happy" but for Kun it's "Born To Be Your Husband" daily anon's husband specifically. he is a taken man, we can only admire from afar.

He said "I'm losing them to 5'7 men? Really? Yeah, yeah that's not happening" and he had to come in and prove he still has in his grip. We're not going anywhere. Just puting on a full strip show like he works in vegas, if he ever got out there in a tool belt, construction hat its only a waiting came for him to do so.

[inkandpen22]

Otherworldly Kings and Queens (2/?)

Pairing: Peter Pevensie x Female!Reader / Prince Caspian x Female!Reader  

Warning: mild mentions of violence 

Word Count: 1.8k

Part Summary: Y/N and the Pevensies search the surrounding cliffs and they start to piece together what happened since the Pevensies leaved. Then, someone is nearly attacked... 

A/N: As requested, I’m releasing one more part today! In the next part Y/N meets Caspian!!!! Get hyped! 

Masterlist

After our antics on the beach, the five of us hike up the cliffs after Edmund spotted some old runes he mentioned not remembering. Peter holds my hand the entire way. One, because when does he not frankly? Two, because I don't keep my eyes ahead of us as I'm too distracted by everything around me. I've never seen any place Narnia! There's so much untouched land, for as far as the eye can see! I've lived in London my whole life. There's constant noise and good luck finding a patch of grass that isn't a park. I had only ever been to the ocean a handful of times and it never looked like this one. The water is so clear and crystal blue! Also, I swear I saw an actual mermaid tail flick up through the surface at one point.

"So you really don't remember these?" I question, referring to the runes. 

"Not from what I can recall," Edmund pants ahead.

Once we finally reach the ancient-looking stone structures, we all start to wonder about the place individually to figure out where we landed. Peter and I, however, remain together and stroll about. Trees and bushes of various kinds have grown over the rubble. It's must've been centuries, perhaps even thousand of years, since this place was inhabited.

As Peter climbs to the tallest point to get a better look, I pick a bright red apple from its branch and toss it to Lucy with a giggle. I stroll over to the edge of the platform that overlooks the western coast. Scattered bits of green covered land streak the horizon. Whoever lived here was lucky, they had the most incredible view! The sunsets must be unparalleled.

"I wonder who lived here?" Lucy questions beside me.

"I think we did..."

I glance over my shoulder and Susan holds up something in her hand. I narrow my eyes at the shiny object and I go over to join her.

"Hey, that's mine!" Edmund announces as he takes the thing from Susan. "From my chess set!"

"What chess set?" Peter interlocks his hand with mine once he reaches us.

"Well I didn't exactly have a solid gold chess set in Finchley did I?" Edmund sasses, examining the piece.

"It can't be!" Lucy runs off, shocker.

The four of us follow the youngest swiftly to catch up. It annoyed me when she would run off in London and I know that city like the back of my hand. If she continues to run off in a foreign land... okay, so I don't know what I'm going to do, but I sure won't be happy about it!

Lucy takes Peter's hand and starts to escort him up a platform. I slip my from his, which earns me a subtle glare of annoyance. I snicker as Lucy aligns Peter in a specific place. She sets each of her siblings in a spot, clearly onto something. 

 "Imagine walls," she instructs. "And pillars there!" She points before stopping in her own place on the far side. "And glass roof!"

I observe the four siblings lined up a few feet above me on the platform. I start to see what I think Lucy is envisioning. The pile of rock behind each of them, they're remnants of thrones! I look to Peter and he's starting to process it too.

"Cair Paravel," he concludes with a solemn expression.

We continue searching the once glorious palace that Peter vividly described to me countless times this past year. Peter is understandably crossed and has grown quiet. All I can do is continue holding his hand and rub my free one on his arm comfortingly. I hate not being of more use in figuring out what happened here. In my defense, I've never been to Narnia before.

Edmund jogs ahead and kneels beside a boulder. "Catapults," he mutters.

"What?" Peter finally breaks his silence.

"This didn't just happen," Edmund determines. "Cair Paravel was attacked."

After a moment, Peter marches off with a stern expression. Silently, he takes me along with him on his march without slowing down. Lucy and the others follow, just as confused as me. Clearly, Peter knows where he's going and is on a mission to get there. I would ask him where exactly our destination is, but I prefer to keep my head.

Abruptly, he stops in front of a tower-like structure. He releases my hand and starts to remove brush from the building. Edmund helps him press against the stone which eventually shifts to reveal a worn wooden door with a lion engraved on the handle. Peter picks up a rock and starts to go at the wood panels. The door breaks and gives way to expose a dark stairwell leading down. I glance over at Lucy and Susan who simply watch their brothers act. Evidently, they must remember this place too.

Peter rips the bottom of his shirt and starts wrapping it around a stick he’d picked up. "Don't suppose you have any matches, do you?" He checks with his brother.

Ed starts to dig through his bag. "No, but would this help?" He reveals his torch.

The girls and I giggle. Of course this would happen.

"You might've mentioned that a bit sooner!" Peter laughs.

Ed starts leading the way down the stairs. Peter gestures for his sisters to go then holds out his hand to me. He follows behind me down the grumbled stairs. I'm really trusting these four not to get me killed, aren't I? The three ahead of Peter and I and hurry around inside. 

Sunlight pours in from skylights and my eyes land on four golden trunks are line up perfectly in a half circle.

"I can't believe it," Peter expresses as he appears by my side. "It's all still here!"

The three younger Pevensies start to search through their old trunks while Peter and I examine the dusty treasures that have been knocked around from the attack. Peter picks up what appears to be shield and blows away the dirt that hides the giant lion face on it.

"Was it your's?" I ask over his shoulder

He hums, holding it out for me to see better. "Many years ago..."

My eyes flicker up from the shield and land on a marble statue ahead. The figure appears so familiar, yet how would that be possible?

"Wait," I step forward to study the face better. "Is this you?" I point.

"Yes," Peter laughs, placing a hand on my lower back gently. "Again, many years ago. I was older then."

I shake my head in awe, "yeah, no kidding."

"Here Y/N!"

I turn my attention to Susan and she tosses me a royal blue velvet gown. "You can borrow it," she grins. "It'll help you blend in."

I hold up medieval style dress in front of me. The only time I ever imagined myself wearing something like this was for Halloween.

"Take this too," Peter hands me a dagger from his trunk.

"Why would I need a weapon?" I frown. 

"Not every creature in Narnia is necessarily in favor of us," Edmund snickers, glancing between his siblings.

Peter rests his chin on my shoulder as I examine the red leather handled dagger in my hands. "It's alright," Peter comforts with a whisper in my ear. "I'll keep you safe... promise."

"I could I at least have a real weapon?" I request, laughing lightly. "If I'm going to be in real life threatening situation, I prefer to have a weapon that doesn't require me to be mere feet from my opposer!” 

Peter snickers, collecting items to change into. 

"I might as well kiss my life goodbye,” I add under my breath. 

"I got this katana as a gift from the Emperor of the Eastern Desert Lands," Edmund offers.

"What's that?" I've never heard of it before.

Ed removes the sword from its sheath with a whoosh as I cross the chamber to him. Its curved, thin, long, blade would be perfect. I graze my finger tips across the shining blade, in awe of it.

"I did research on it when we returned to our world. It's native to Japan, amongst the Samurai," he explains, placing the sleek black and gold handle in my hand.

"Hey! Hey!" Peter appears at my side in a blink. "Careful!"

"I got it! I got it! Don't get your knickers in a twist," I tease. I turn hold the sword up right to admire the blade closer.

"You could get hurt with that." Peter still worries.

"I could get hurt by someone attacking me too," I sass, lowering the weapon to address my friend. 

His eyes meet mine, filled with annoyance. He wants me to simply agree with him all the time. 

I smile, "wouldn't you prefer I have a sturdy way of defending myself?"  

"I think your words and wit would be enough to frighten them," he smirks.

"You charm me,” I blush. 

"Always do," he winks, taking the katana from me before someone gets hurt. "You can get it back when we leave. After that, I want it in its sheath unless absolutely necessary! I mean it, Y/N!"

I watch him slip the blade back into its leather casing cautiously. I place my hand over his to gain his attention. 

"You may be the King of Narnia, but you forget I'm not one of your subjects," I mock playfully.

"You're right," he agrees surprisingly. Gently, he picks up my hand and places a kiss to the back of it. Then, his features turns serious. "But while you're here your safety is my responsibility."

I roll my eyes, I hate how he patronizes me. One would think I'm one of his little sisters too with how protective he can get. Actually, he's less overbearing toward his siblings, even Lucy and she's significantly younger than me! With my luck something bad will happen, I will be away from Peter, and then what? I will be left with the dagger toy he gave me. As soon as I get that sword in my hands, I'm not giving it back. I'm just going to have to prove my capability to Peter.

___________________________________

Okay, so Edmund was right, some creatures don't like us! A black bear quite literally attacked Lucy! Fully charged at her and was going to eat her as a midday snack! That was until the DLF shot it with his arrow. DLF as in “Dear Little Friend.” His real name is Trumpkin, he’s the dwarf we saved from some Telmarines. Telmarines are apparently from another land in this world. They're human like us, but not friendly! I repeat not friendly!

Peter quickly grabs his little sister and pulls her to safety by me. I take her into my arms and comfort her as she cries. 

"I thought you said the animals could talk?!" I scream at Peter, rightfully distraught. 

"They can! I mean... they could..." Peter stammers, evidently just as lost as me.

“We... we just killed an innocent bear!” I stumble over my words. “We took an innocent animals life!”

“Innocent?! He was going to kill Lucy!” Edmund justifies it. 

“Y/N’s right!” Susan defends. “It clearly didn’t know any better!”  

“It was probably hungry!” Trumpkin shouts over all of us arguing. 

“Great! That makes me feel so much better!” I shout at the dwarf. 

"You've been away for a while... ” Trumpkin grumbles bitterly. 

He pulls his dagger and stabs the bear. I cover Lucy’s eyes so she doesn’t see the horrid sight. Peter notices me grimace and guides my face to hide in his chest. 

Was the stabbing really necessary?! It’s dead! 

“I think you'll find Narnia is a more savage place than you remember,” Trumpkin adds. 

"Oh lovely!" I sarcastically remark. "Looking forward to it!"

"Just stay close to me," Peter instructs, keeping one arm around me and the other around Lucy. 

"Don't have to ask me twice," I mutter, utterly afraid. 

Narnia is supposed to be this fairytale lovely land! There are pixies and stuff here! Where are the dancing trees?! Where are the people made of flowers?! I envisioned Neverland and I got a fence-less zoo! 

_______________________

Tags:  @hyperactiveravenclaw @rangergranger11​ @blackbirddaredevil23​

Masterlist

[lochsides]

You Signed Up For This Review

If you're following me, you really did sign up for this review. I love that the title of this album lends itself to so many puns. Maybe that was the second indication that I would adore this album (the first being that its a Maisie Peters album). God, where do I even begin to review the pop mastery that is YSUFT? The album is both cohesive and chaotic in the best way possible. Maisie is one of those songwriters who approaches writing with quick wit and personality. That’s my biggest takeaway from this album. YSUFT has so much personality. It is very authentic while being refreshing. I’m so glad it finally here, to be consumed in all its glory. She really hit it out of the park and it was well worth the wait. There is not a single skip.

For those of you interested, below the cut you will find a review for each song. My favourites are 'I'm Trying (Not Friends)', ‘Love Him, I Don’t’, ‘Hollow’, ‘Villain’, ‘Brooklyn’, ‘Elvis Song’ and ‘Volcano’ — yes I know that’s half the album. This is my review and I make the rules. I've also included a little ranking at the very end.

You Signed Up For This — This song has so much main character energy. My favourite thing about Maisie as a songwriter is that her songwriting has a sense of humour to it. This song says so much in 3 minutes and 15 seconds. Its the perfect album opener, particularly for a debut album, but it's also a really good introduction to Maisie Peters for new listeners and old fans alike.

I'm Trying (Not Friends) — I can't decide what my favourite part of this song is: her sharp, witty songwriting or the cadence. This is what I mean when I say that the album is authentic while being refreshing. The cadence is unlike anything I’ve heard before, especially from Maisie, but the passive- aggressive lyrics are so Maisie. She has always had this unvarnished honesty to her songwriting that I really appreciate about her.

John Hughes Movie — Pop perfection! That's it, that's the review. I love the message of this song. It has a sense of self-worth and confidence despite being let down. And when I tell you I adore the fuck out of the bridge of 'JHM', it's an understatement. It was actually the perfect lead single for an album with so much main character energy.

Outdoor Pool — 'Outdoor Pool' is basically Fifteen (Maisie’s Version), when all you wanted was to be wanted. She really captured that in this song. I felt so sad listening to it because 15 really is such a delicate age. The music and production felt very cinematic to me and that really brought to life this story that she was telling. It really is almost Skins. I have so much affection for this song in like a big sister way.

Love Him, I Don't — Ooft, this song hurt my feelings. The production at the start with her ‘ooh’s was already chilling but then she hit me with ‘I wasn’t eating and you still said nothing’ and ‘guess that was my stubborn season’ and took me out. ‘Love Him, I Don’t’ is a song about toxicity and I’ve been there. I have friends who have been there. The lyric ‘what a waste of your twenties’ reminded me of a relationship my best friend was in. There are so many little details in this song that make it so relatable in a way the hurts. I love the melody of the pre-chorus and chorus, and then she goes and strips it back in the last verse. The whole song is a 5-star experience. It's so raw and the emotion in her vocal takes it to another level.

Psycho — Maisie Peters said feral girl summer and make it catchy. There are two bridges in this song. That should be enough to sell me, but she had to go and write ‘you made me feel so useful then so used.’ All in all though, ‘Psycho’ is probably my least favourite and that’s only because there are so many good songs on this album that outrank this.

Boy — I’m joining Maisie Peters’ fight to take away men’s rights because valid. It’s funny because I can hear Ed Sheeran’s writing in this song, mostly in the production. I love the tone throughout this song, but specifically when she says 'I can tell that you've never been hugged, boy.' It's sassy as fuck and I love that for her. My favourite aspect of 'Boy' is that the catchiest part, the one that is most likely to get stuck in our heads. is 'I can do better than this' and that feels very intentional, like a little message from Maisie reminding us that we can do better than The Boy ™️.

Hollow — 'Hollow' is such a good heartbreak ballad. It has all the makings of a great classic pop ballad, from the piano to the production to the poetic lyrics. Was it fair of her to put the lyrics 'now I'm a comma in your explanation of your learning curves and your mistakes' in the same song, in the same verse, as 'you're the one that got away and you got away with a lot' and then follow it up with a bridge of memories and 'I just miss my friend'? Let's discuss. I think the reason I, personally, love this song so much is the lyrical links to other songs like 'Villain' ('now you're kissing that girl I shouldn't worry about'), 'Volcano' ('you got away with it') and 'Tough Act' ('saying goodbye to a best friend' / 'drain it all 'til its all so hollow'). I love it when there are layers to a story.

Villain — I’ve had the hook of ‘Villain’ stuck in my head all morning. The way she explores rage in this song as something bitter that we all swallow but it burns the whole way down our throats, that dichotomy being explored through the subtlety of the production and the feral lyrics, is absolute genius. The song is told through the perspective of someone that feels wronged but they are still the villain of someone else's story and that's something I can personally relate to. I love how much angst is in the bridge, aided by the build up in the production, as she sings 'whole town's gonna hear how you messed me up.' Truly excellent songwriting.

Brooklyn — I think Maisie absolutely shines when writing songs about her sister. 'Personal Best' is my most played song on Apple Music, ever. 'Brooklyn' is almost like a continuation of that, or a deeper dive into her relationship with her sister. The storytelling aspect of this song feels very organic, like a friend telling you all about the adventure of their transatlantic trip over a cup of coffee. And the production is chef's kiss.

Elvis Song — I think this song is the one I connect with the most. The nostalgia factor always gets me and that's what this entire song is. Is the whole second verse a callout? Maybe. It's fine. If I end up calling the person this song makes me think about, it's Maisie's fault. My favourite lyric is 'I was scared to throw my heart off the edge, easier to tell myself we'd mess it up instead, so I left.' That line reads me, but it also captures the tone of regret that comes with reflection on something that ended. The production of 'Elvis Song' gives me old-flame montage vibes. I think it's the perfect candidate for an end-of-summer single.

Talking To Strangers — 'Talking To Strangers' is such a cute song. The whole concept of random people knowing such minute details about your life, that maybe even the people in your life would overlook, just because this one person that loves you so much can't help but tell everyone they meet about you is so fucking romantic. This is such a romantic song. It is 'this made me think of you' in a song except instead of telling the person you think of, you're telling literally everyone that it made you think of them.

Volcano — 'Volcano' is very reminiscent of Maisie's musical roots, which is why this song is one of my favourites. The lyrics are an actual gut punch and her vocal delivery only makes it hit harder. I think the lines that really get me each time are 'in the silence when you stood there, you just stood there' and the bits in the chorus where she sings 'and your friends said nothing' or 'and the world said nothing.' When you're in a situation that can be toxic, it fucking hurts when no one says anything. Then you look back on it and wonder 'why did no one stop you from absolutely breaking me?'

Tough Act — I think many of the songs on YUSFT accumulate to 'Tough Act' and placing it as the album closer makes so much sense in terms of closure from a lot of these stories that Maisie has shared with us. 'Tough Act' is acknowledgement and growth. I think this is best described in the lyric 'I got busy and you forgot how to miss me when I'm not much of who you grew up with.' She has come to terms with the fact that things have changed and this break up is just 'the bad part of the right thing to do.' The melody of this song is so beautiful and it's only heightened when those strings come in under the piano. Maisie's lovely vocals are the cherry on top.

Ranking the songs on this album was so difficult because each one is so outstanding. I think YSUFT is honestly one of the best pop debuts in recent history. She absolutely nailed it.

Love Him, I Don't

Volcano

Villain

I'm Trying (Not Friends)

Elvis Song

Hollow

Brooklyn

Outdoor Pool

Tough Act

You Signed Up For This

Talking To Strangers

John Hughes Movie

Boy

Psycho

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #442

“the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care, right?”

Would you ever sell your soul? No. Do you believe that something is going to happen in 2012? Welp, clearly not. I never believed it. Have you ever been to the Grand Canyon? No, but I'd love to! When was the last time you slept in someone else’s bed? Uhhh not since I visited Sara, I think. Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level? Loud, for sure. Louder than I should listen to. Did the last person you kiss have a tattoo? No. What’s the last song you heard? "The Bird and the Worm" by The Used. Has anyone told you they missed you lately? No. What are you most likely to do when you’re exhausted; take a nap, drink some coffee, or go for a run to get yourself pumped up again? Naps definitely win. What are you most likely to pick if you got to choose your topic on a research paper; drug abuse, mental illness, or the death penalty? Mental illness, for sure. What is your favorite month of the year and why? October, bc aesthetic. What’s your least favorite animal? Probably wasps. They're mean fuckers that kill bees. What was your class song when you graduated? Some super shitty country song. Have you ever had to spend the night outside (not camping)? No. What`s the scariest living animal that you`ve petted? A tarantula, I'd say. She was a sweet rose hair that I literally did pet, which you absolutely should not do to tarantulas, but I knew nothing about them at the time. The urticating hairs on their abdomens cause serious itching, and I tell ya, that sure happened. So did you play old school Nintendo or Atari or Sega? If so which one? We had an old Atari for a long time. When/where did you meet your first love? In the hallway, during my sophomore year of high school. Is there anyone you dislike, that you have to see/speak to regularly? Hm, what qualifies as "regularly," really? I don't like my sister's husband, who I see semi-regularly, but I don't really talk to him. Does your family eat any unique foods for Thanksgiving that aren’t the norm? If so, what are they? Nah, not that I can think of. If you eat oatmeal, do you add water or milk to it? What is your favorite flavor? Milk; I don't like it with water. I only eat the apples and cinnamon kind. Was the last video you watched on YouTube a music video? If not, what was it of? It's a let's play. Have you ever been brave enough to cut your hair in a very different way? If you have, did you regret your decision after? Yes, and I still love it. What was the last book you had to read for school? Did you enjoy it, or were you just trying to get through? The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. I loved it. Has anyone you know personally ever won the lottery? If so, how much did they win? Would/have you ever play(ed) the lottery? No to both questions. I have a very addictive personality, so I don't really mess with dangerous things that might tempt that behavior. What band/celebrity/etc. do you know the most information about? Who would you like to learn more about? Markiplier, ha ha. As for who I'd like to know more about... hm. Have your friends met the last person you kissed? Girt has. Who has made the biggest difference in your life? Jason. You get a text from someone saying that they want to hang out - who would you most like it to be from? Also Jason. -_- What is the name on your birth certificate (feel free to withhold your last name for privacy reasons)? Brittany Marie is all you need to know. Even if shopping isn’t your favorite... every girl has a favorite store. What’s yours? My favorite physical store is Hot Topic, but my favorite store overall is Rebel's Market, which I'm pretty sure is just an online source. Which type of undies do you wear most: Thongs, bikini/briefs, bootyshorts, or granny panties? Don't you dare laugh, I prefer "granny panties" lmfao. They're what I'm comfortable in, okay. How many nail polishes do you have, if you were to take a guess? *I* have none. Idk about Mom, but I know not a lot. Are you on birth control? Do you use condoms? I use birth control to regulate my period and ease cramps. If I was sexually active though, both would be musts for me. When did you start your period? How did you react? Who did you tell first? When I got home from school sometime in middle school. I don't remember exactly how old I was, but I was EXTREMELY upset. Like, I cried, because I didn't feel like a kid anymore. My mom was the first to know. Have you ever had sex while on your period? If so, would you ever do it again? NO NO NO NO THAT SOUNDS SO GROSS LKASDFJ;AJW;LKERJA;WEJLRKQWLKE;JR. Which way do you swing (boys, girls, or both)? I'm bi. Or pan. I really don't know. Tell me ALL about your longest/most serious relationship. Are you still in that relationship? How about I don't, because doing that I'm sure will send me in a PTSD spiral. No, we're no longer together. Who is your ALL TIME best friend (don’t count your boyfriend, either, silly!)? Sara. I don't think I've been as close with any other best friend. Which one of your friends has the best singing voice? SARAAAAAAAAAAA. What shade are you in foundation or concealer? I don't have a clue. I don't wear either. Have you ever showered with someone? Boy or girl? Were you completely naked? "Were you completely naked." No, I shower with underwear on. I've showered with my little sister as well as my best friend as a kid. I've never shared a shower as an adult and don't want to. Do you think you’re good enough for the person you like? No. Are you a cuddler or no? If I'm really into you, YUP. And if it's not hot. Wouldn’t it be kinda annoying to have to share a bed every night? No. I miss it sometimes. Have you ever walked on a beach at night? Yes. It's beautiful. Could you go the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? Pretty easily, yeah. Would you marry someone you didn’t love if you were paid 10 thousand dollars? No. I just wouldn't be able to stomach doing that. I'm solely marrying for love. Have you had sex today? I haven't in many years. Do you still care about your last ex? Very very much! Do you own more then one bathing suit? Nope. Is there any alcohol in the fridge? Yeah, but none I like. Who have you recently made up with after fighting? Nobody. Who do you WANT to make up with? Jason. Megan. Do you get scared easily? Hm. It really depends on the situation. Have you seen UP? Never the full movie, actually. I need to. How many coats of mascara do you use? I use it so rarely that I barely know. Two, maybe? What’s your favorite bracelet? The one Sara gave me. I used to always wear it, but it's worn down with time and is too loose for me now, so it's just with my jewelry. What color hair does your mom have? It's naturally gray now, but she dyes it black. Favorite song to listen to when you are mad? "Headache" by Motionless In White does it. What restaurant would you want to work at? NONE. I ain't working with hungry people. I don't want to work with people - period. When people ask “how are you?” do you say “good” even if you aren’t? Depends on who's asking. If it's a stranger or someone I barely know, odds are I'm just going to reply with "fine" or something like that. Were you honestly a good kid? Yes. Is anything wrong with your eyes? I have to wear glasses, so. Have you kissed or hugged anyone today? No. What is your mom’s and dad’s favorite TV show? I don't really know for either. Mom watches loads of shows, and I don't live with Dad, so. I know he really likes The Big Bang Theory, though, which Mom also loves. Have you ever suspected your mom or dad of having an affair? No, but ~supposedly~, Dad did with his now-wife. I don't know what the fuck is true between my parents, though. Do you think buying second hand clothes is gross? It depends on the type of clothing (ex., used underwear is a huge fucking no), as well as the state it's in. Does it gross you out when your parents kiss? They're divorced. That would be incredibly weird, uncomfortable, and impossible with how I know at least Mom feels towards Dad. Do you have a playlist made on YouTube? Yeah, multiple. Do you like dollar stores? I mean, sure? They have good deals occasionally and are a good option to stop for a quick snack or something. Mom doesn't actually *shop* in them, though. What’s the last thing you bought from one? I think a honeybun. Do you think it’s weird how babies are made? Well, yeah. Science can be crazy, though. Have you ever lost a friend over the opposite sex? No. Are you comfortable in a short skirt? I wouldn't be comfortable in ANY skirt. Do you and your family go on a vacation ever year? We essentially never do. Vacations cost money. We don't have money to spare. When you were going out with your last ex and you had the chance to date your celebrity crush, would you have left your bf/gf for them? No, because it's not like I know him personally, while I know her very deeply. Who was your most romantic moment with? Jason. Do you sweat easily? Like you wouldn't BELIEVE. A side effect of one (or even multiple) of my meds is hyperhidrosis, so I can sweat an ocean in two minutes, it seems. It's disgusting, and I am so self-conscious about it. What’s one memory you wish would just vanish? Just a specific moment with Jason that is particularly agonizing to recall. Are you in love with someone? No. Partying or watching a movie? Partying isn't my thing. I'd have more fun watching a movie with friends. What pisses you off the most? Child molesters/rapists, probably. Where do you want to be at a year from now? I just want a job by then, dude. I also hope I've lost a lot of weight. Do you like pickles? Only dill pickles. If you saw someone broken down on the side of the road, would you stop to help? Honestly, no. I don't trust people. What do you do with your plastic grocery bags after you unload your things? We put our plastic bags into one big bag for later use. Have you ever slept in a water bed? Yes. How often do you use Flickr? I don't. I only ever check my friend's for meerkat photos, ha ha. Share three nice memories you have of the person you fell hardest for. No, unless you want me to cry. Have you ever made any of your friends cry? Not deliberately of course, but yes. Do you look decent in your most recent photograph? God no, I look high. Out of all the guys you know, who would you trust to not cheat on you? Girt. I know he never would, especially because HE'S been cheated on. How do you plan on disciplining your children? NOT by physical means, I can tell you that much. If I actually had kids, I'd teach them through (hopefully) primarily deeply talking things out. If need be, there'd be time out, grounding, things like that. I do NOT support methods like spanking your kid, so that's a big no. If you could live in another country, would you? What country? Yes; Canada. If you could change your name, what would you change it to? Quinn, probably. What’s one health problem you wish you didn’t have? It's a tie between depression and anxiety. What is your cure for hiccups? NOTHING works for me. It's the worst. Did you ever do anything in class that annoyed other students? I mean, I don't think so. Have you used a Ouija board and had a freaky experience with it? I've never messed with one, and I don't want to. I don't know if I believe in their supernatural abilities or not, but I ain't fuckin around and finding out. Do you stick with a political party, or vote for who you like best? I pick based on their policies and morals, not necessarily their party. Do you know anyone who is an albino? No. Word search or crossword puzzle? Word searches. When you watch a game show, do you like to see people win or lose? Aw, who wants to see them lose? It's great to see people win and be so excited. Do you have a pair of fake redneck, vampire, etc. teeth? No. What is your favorite Pixar film? Finding Nemo. Do you get really mad when you lose a game? Not at all. I'm not very competitive, and games are about having fun. When was the last time you used a pay phone? I actually don't think I ever have. Who did you have your most amazing kiss with? Jason. Do you go to church every Sunday? I never go to church as I'm not religious. If you had to get famous for one of the following, which would you choose: music, acting, writing, modeling? Writing. What do you think of girls with huge boobs that don’t wear bras in public? Who the fuck cares. If they're comfortable and at least have a shirt on, let 'em. Most women have breasts, big whoop. Do you even like politics? God no. What’s it like at raves? Oh god, I'd never go. Have you ever had a dream in which you were making out, or more, with someone? lol yes

[cuntess-carmilla]

(food talk cw) hi, so sorry for such a weird question but i saw your posts on EDS and POTS and i wanted to ask if you’re comfortable with answering: what do you usually eat?? i (probably) have both and eating is so complicated because so many foods make me feel worse + the pain and dizziness when i cook by myself lead to me eating a lot of junk food. i would ask my doctor but the last time i brought it up she told me to eat quinoa bowls and salads and that was not helpful at all lmao

If you’re reacting so poorly to food, I’d recommend researching/asking a doctor about MCAS, IBS and/or other illnesses that affect one’s digestion. EDS, POTS and MCAS are extremely comorbid with each other. It’s very likely for people with EDS to have a combination of those three, including all of them together, which I, my mom and sister do. IBS, food allergies and reflux are common for us too.

My case of POTS and MCAS are luckily pretty mild (hEDS is the one that kicks my ass into Jupiter), so I have no problem eating whatever I want besides my also mild lactose intolerance regarding which my hubris knows no end.

My sister is the one who has the MCAS bad. She takes a lot of meds to protect her highly damaged digestive track. On top of those meds, she takes lactase to counter her INTENSE lactose intolerance. At least in my country, lactase pills are very cheap and accessible. Regarding her diet specifically, she basically has to avoid dairy and spicy food, even garlic and onions, at least until her digestive track heals if it does at all. You can ask her directly here @marui-bunta though she’s not always on Tumblr.

She avoids sweeteners such as saccharine, sucralose and all that too, opting for regular sugar instead. I don’t remember if she does well with stevia or not. I’d also avoid food with too much artificial coloring if I were you (triggers my brother’s reflux a lot). I know it’s much easier and all, but I’d just drop junk food if I were you. :/ Many are spicy, and the AGGRESSIVE artificial coloring can’t be making things better.

We could only prove that her digestive track is nearly destroyed by doing one of those tests where they insert a tiny camera in to take pictures from the inside, so maybe if you can get that done that could help at getting doctors to at least acknowledge that there’s something going on beyond an upset tummy.

My mom is the one whose case of POTS is the most debilitating among us. What works for her is taking isotonic drinks, adding more salt into her diet, and not drinking TOO much water (but still drinking some). That pretty much fixed her dizziness, and helped with her fatigue, muscle pain and brain fog. Note that there’s more than one type of POTS so higher salt intake could have the opposite effect on you, but it works for us and a large number of POTS patients.

Is there a way you can sit on a chair while cooking to avoid getting too fatigued? Also, steam in the air is pretty bad for us which is one of the main reasons why bathing/taking showers can drain us of all our energy or even make us pass out, so this might be a reach but maybe the steam from cooking isn’t helping either? If that’s a factor I’d keep the door/windows open, use some other form of ventilation, or a dehumidifier while cooking.

Compression leggings are something else that people with POTS use to fight it off. If you’re from the northern hemisphere you’re going into winter right now so this may be the best time to test those out.

I’ve recommended looking into this before, but there’s a hashtag on Twitter #NEISvoid for people with any sort of chronic illness to form community, ask questions, spread information and health tips, and just. Fucking vent.

Does anyone else have any advice to give? Or maybe something to correct me on because I’m much more knowledgeable strictly on EDS than the others.

Oh, and fuck your doctor. I’m so sorry you got such an intellectually lazy and inept one.

[fragileflowersstuff]

Review of Starving in suburbia/thinspiration

Director: Tara Miele (2014)

84 min

Warning: this movie was very triggering and my post may be too, please watch out for yourself ❤️

Shortly: This movie is about a 17 years old dancer, who finds a website (thinspiration) and she logs into it. Not long after this happens she pretty much gets suck to this word.

From now on there will be spoilers!

So after that she only gets deeper and deeper "in the dark word of anorexia" until she looses ~25 pounds. Before she completed her gw her family realises what she is going through. Since she got caught a lot of people sign out of the website but one of them finds her somewhere else and tries to warn her about one of the members who is like an Ana coach. She successfully convinces her parents that nothing is wrong but soon they will realise she lied and they send her to a hospital and therapy kind of thing.

During this on another line we can see that her brother is on a diet too for sport related reasons that his father pushes very much (he's his coach). The brother reaches the goal and gets to compete in the competition he wanted. Unfortunately he at the "end" of this competition he has a heart failure and has to be taken to a hospital.

While he's in a come the sister realises that her brother was one of the members, specifically the one who tried to warn her. At the hospital the brother sadly passes away which helps the girl realise how serious and deadly stuff is an eating desorder.

My opinion: well... I don't really understand why people watch this movie especially as thinspo. I don't think it prints anorexia truthfully, I think it pushes the dark parts too much but let's not hurry.

I feel like it's a crowded movie. The way she gets into this Ed is very rushed, in one seconds they find this page and the other she knows and does all the tricks basically. Honestly her Ed was moving so fast I was surprised they didn't throw bia in. At the half of it I was like, okay it's over than they just added the brother part too which was unpredicted and made it a little boring. I enjoyed the movie but although there were 2 lines of the story they finished the first and than started the second. The second story line in the first part stemmed as if it was there to be triggering to the girl but then it became its own story. Maybe its just me but I thought it was weird and didn't really liked how they did it.

Was the Ed described realisticly? As I see they made it much worse. They added a lot of cinema stuff for example a thinspo collage on the wall, as if every Ed person had it.

At some points they made it seem like a cult (when they showed the chat) , at other points it was like a horror film (when the girl almost attacked her mother and followed her and was saying some weird stuff)

I already didn't appreciate these one but the "sexualised lesbian" part was even worse. At the one of the scenes "Ana" whispered something to her and she was really really close, it came of seductively (?) and I thought it was just me and maybe I oversexualise close whispering but then at another scene they had a short kiss and whispering too. I honestly felt it was too much but maybe its just me, I don't really like these stuff.

I also felt like it was very manipulative. And again it maybe just my opinion since I'm easily manipulated. For me this movie went like this: girl unrealisticly fast gets stuck in an ed, she becomes "obsessed" (that's how they described it) painted as a monster at the horror part, she goes through hell, looses her friends argues with family but then she goes into recovery which she doesn't like, everyone is supportive oh wait brother dies, she recovers and happy ending.

I just don't like how it sais "wow Ed, horrible. Uuu recovery, everyone supportive and happy ending" it's really not realistic. I know it's just a movie and can't do magic or be a lot of things at once but I think the American fairy tail like life is presented enough, prob unnecessary enough times. Where is the "just eat" or the don't have money to Ed treatment etc

[in-this-body-of-mine]

To The Bone (2017) - Analysis and Charting

Let’s go! I’m NOT excited because life is hard but what better way to distract myself than to do this kind of shit. No one cares, anyways.

Since this is the first one, let me tell you what we’re gonna do here. I’ll include the IMDB summary, a summary with spoilers, the placements in the chart, we’ll go over each item (also, spoilers abound) and finally my review and final thoughts. Yes, it’s gonna be long. Read at your own risk.

IMDB summary:  A young woman, dealing with anorexia, meets an unconventional doctor who challenges her to face her condition and embrace life.

Summary with spoilers: Lily Collins plays Ellen/Eli and from the start of the movie she is on the brink of her disease. She was just kicked out of a recovery center and she gets an appointment with a ~cool unconventional doctor~ played by Keanu Reeves. She goes into ANOTHER inpatient treatment home to be treated by him. Shit happens, she seems to be getting better somehow, but then she spirals down, runs away, and after a... near death experience (I wish this was an euphemism) she decides to try recovery again and goes back to the treatment home. That’s where the movie ends.

Chart placements!

Now for each item:

White: Ellen or Eli is played by Lily Collins, who once played Sandra Bullock’s daughter in that movie were she was a Karen. It doesn’t get whiter than that.

Female: She changes her name to Eli mid film (which is how I’ll be calling her here bc we respect chosen names in this household) but she still seems to identify as female and be referred to as such, so here we have it. We do have a guy in the treatment home, but we’ll come back to him later.

Teenager/Young adult: I’m pretty sure she is 19 but every review I see says she’s 20. Either way, she dropped out of college even though she just started it. The actress, however, was 28 at the time the movie was released.

Wealthy/seemingly well-off: Her family has the money to send her to inpatient a bunch of times, and they make a point to mention how they have connections so she didn’t have to wait in line to see this new doctor. Case closed.

Skinny actress from the start: As we know, Lily Collins is already thin and she did struggle with anorexia in the past. Why, however, did she lose weight for this movie? They said it was her decision “to make the character more authentic”. As if not being skin and bones wouldn’t be enough. As if eating disorders don’t come in every size. They shouldn’t let her. The need to shock people is a very dangerous sign to me.

No distinctive personality or hobbies/interests: I’m glad Eli has a thing she loves. It’s not super present, but it’s there, and it’s plot relevant. She loves art and in the story, she had a tumblr (look, it’s us!) where she shared drawings related to her ED and a girl liked her drawings so much that, when she killed herself, she mentioned Eli by name in a note. But that isn’t really explored too much and I kind of got disappointed by that.

Good student: We don’t really know about that... and I don’t think it matter, it’s ok.

Seemingly irrelevant love interest: Why? Just why do we need Luke? Luke is the only guy in the home, and we can SEE that he’s only there to be Eli’s love interest. He wasn’t needed. None of the important plot points have anything to do with him. Make her date a girl. Make her date NO ONE. This is about eating disorders. She could have closer friends in the house. Why was this necessary. Her whole speech about how love is a lie could come from a friendship but no. They had to shove pretty white boy there.

Daddy issues (sometimes coupled with mommy issues): I find this extremely funny but her dad isn’t in the movie. At all. He’s alive and well, but he makes a point to never come home when Eli is even awake. I don’t think they cast an actor for that. As for mothers, she has three, and it’s a trip. Her stepmom on her dad’s side is very out of touch but she wants what’s best for Eli, but she really hates Eli’s biological mom. Bio mom, in turn, is described as a “bipolar lesbian” and the stereotypes are just... ugh. Bio mom has a wife and she is a bit weird too. They sent Eli to live with her absent dad bc “they couldn’t deal with it anymore”. This brings us to a great scene where we can see Eli shrinking in her seat and when the psychiatrist asks her what she is feeling she says “I’m sorry I’m not a person anymore. I’m a problem.” And that’s great to see. But at the same time, I hate that her whole issue in this movie seems to come from her family and anorexia is just a thing that happened, with some vague references to control. 

*Triggering event*: We never see it and it’s okay - but I kind of wanted some more explorations of motives because we have ZERO.

Anorexia as diagnosis: As I always say, what is even the point of making a cool looking movie about EDs if your protagonist is not only anorexic, but also terminally anorexic? Ugh. That’s the only portrayal of anorexia that happens in media and I’m fucking tired.

Checklist of habits (manual for those looking for one): I mean, I mark this down but as I always say: everything is a manual if you’re looking for one. But if you’re doing more than not eating or purging or exercising I’ll judge it as a new tip. A lot of us already thought of/did most of them probably. But the marking remains.

Inpatient treatment (or extended hospital stay): As I said, she is kicked out of one treatment center and goes straight into another. What fucks me up is that the movie HAS other characters with other diagnosis, but we never see anything about them. We don’t see their journey. We only know Luke is a dancer bc he is the love interest. We only know Megan is pregnant and then she’s not bc this sends Eli in a spiral. We only know Kendra is not straight bc she makes a joke about it (and Doctor Beckham follows with a horrible joke about conversion therapy). Did you notice Ciara Bravo was in this movie? I didn’t on first viewing. She has like two lines. The whole movie is centered around Eli and every scene in the house feels like all the other patients only care about her too.

Emotional tipping point: Megan loses her baby and for some reason this affects Eli. Luke kisses Eli and for some reason she’s pissed. At that point, I was annoyed. She has a bad session with Doctor Beckham who basically tells her to grow a pair and stop complaining (which is insensitive as a doctor, but as a person I wanted to do the same) and she decides to quit and leave. She has to go to her mother’s home and I’m supposed to care. Stepmom is mad but doctor says she needs to hit rock bottom. She weights like 70 pounds dude. Rock bottom was about ten pounds ago, next stop is a coffin, mate.

Mom hugs: And here we have the emotional turn around of the movie and it’s just... make it make sense. She goes to her bio mom’s ranch. Her stepmom # 2 tells they’ll have therapy with horses (?). Eli goes sleep in a tent and bio mom cries and says she accepts if Eli wants to die. Very supportive I guess. They have this weird bonding moment where the mom feeds her a bottle like a baby and look, if you liked that, good for you, but I don’t get what I was supposed to feel about it (but that’s mom hug #1). She goes on a hike next morning and... dies? Either way she has an out of body experience where she talks to Luke and sees how she looks - which is weird to me. Didn’t we go over this in the beggining of the movie? Didn’t we establish that she does know what she looks like and doesn’t care? But still she seems shocked and they have a cryptical conversation and she wakes up. And just like that, she’s ok now. She meets up with the other stepmom (mom hug # 2) and goes back to the home.

Happy ending: In the last scene Eli is back to the home and we understand she’s going to try to recover for real this time. I’m okay with that specifically, I think it would be bad if they pretended she just got better with no relapses and everything is fine, but it’s a hopeful ending. Despite the fact that we have no idea if she won’t have a fit and leave in two days and that we never know anything about anyone else and Megan, who lost the baby, never comes back. It’s fine. At that point, I didn’t expect much.

Analysis: I was hesitant to be critical bc this movie was based on the real life experiences of the director and Lily Collins. But fuck it, this is my circus and I’ll clown as much as I want. While I do understand that, I have a lot of thoughts.

Mainly, I need to say that while I understand this is her story, this is a story that was told so many times. I’m tired.

The general public that wants to defend the movie says “well you can’t tell ALL stories”, and while I agree, these people probably only saw this movie about the subject. If you HAVE (or had) and eating disorder, you probably saw tons. And they ALL tell the same story. Which is why I started that chart in the first place.

This movie does have good moments. I do like the acting, I saw people complaining about Keanu Reeves performance - but I do know these were people who disliked the movie entirely. I think his performance was great, Lily Collins performance was great, and their chemistry was great. The best scenes in the movie happened between the two of them. The one thing that I LOVED was their first interaction when he calls her on her bullshit. “You’re not thin, you scare people, and I think you like that.” YES. I never heard anyone talk about that. And I guess I’ll never will, bc the movie itself never talk about this again either. Also when she justifies the tumblr where her art triggered a girl so much, she says that she was just drawing what she knows, he calmly tells her that she can draw, but she doesn’t have to share it online tho. I liked their interactions because often ED patients are treated with silk gloves (is that the expression?) and sometimes there is a need for some though love. I also love Liana Liberato who plays her sister and that’s about it.

The problem with the doctor ends up being: what’s his method? How are you going to cure her? The method makes no sense. I don’t see the reasoning. I don’t think anyone does. And somehow it works and she goes back there. 

I think my major problem with the movie is that it has the same issues every ED portrayal before it. It’s the same story again. I think it shines the most in the whole “it’s not about food, it’s about control!”. It IS about food though. For a lot of people, it is. Maybe not for this director or for Lily Collins, but for so many people it is about food. It’s about control as well, and it is possible that there is other factors related to it, but you can’t chalk it all up to a control issue and pretend it’s just whatever. If the food didn’t matter, it wouldn’t be an eating disorder.

Because of that, we have this heavy focus on her family issues and nothing to do with food. We have people trying to rationalize - maybe it’s bc your mom is a lesbian, maybe it’s bc i didn’t bond with you as a baby - and all that does is to make her lesbian bipolar mother seem like a crazy asshole and her dad seem like an absent asshole as if this is the only factor here. Give me SOMETHING. Any connection to food. Any sense. Nope. She just won’t eat bc her family is fucked up. Hoe, that’s all of us.

And I think the movie unintentionally DOES glamourize anorexia. Subtly, yes, but it does. Eli has SUCH an easy time refusing food. She doesn’t seem to think about food as much as she thinks about herself and her family and Luke and being annoying. She knows a bunch of calories and she overexercises. Idk.  Not to mention that moment when Kendra asks her about purging and she says “it’s not her thing”. I mean. It is no one’s thing. No one likes it. It’s a compulsion. And if you have anorexia that severe and you are not with a feeding tube, you do eat every now and then, and you do have purging mechanisms. If she had said she prefers overexercising as a purging mechanism than to throw up, I would believe her. But the movie acts as if she just never eats ever and somehow she’s still standing. Give her a feeding tube then. It would be more believable.

I know it sounds kind of ranty, but my point here is: this extremely anorexic girl, that looks like a sack of bones, and gets that by never eating and doing crunches all the time, it is the wet dream of a fatphobic society with a 71 billion weight loss industry. This is the dreamy and frugal idea of anorexia that people have when they are deep into the illness - not when they recovered as the people involved say they did. I get that this is a very personal project. But it’s flawed. It doesn’t do anyone any favors. It just tells the same story, for the millionth time, but since this time it was in a big platform, more people saw it, and it was better done, with a better budget and with a good enough resolution so I can see every bone in Lily Collins body.

Anyway, that’s it for today. If you read all of that, thanks. Since this is Netflix, I’m assuming everyone saw, but the other movies are out there and if you need liks, hit me up. Be back soon.

[authenticcadence18]

30 Questions About Me

THANKS FOR THE TAG @bugaboo-n-bananoir ILY!!!!

(Nick)name: Cadence

gender: cis female

Star sign: Pisces

Height: uhhhhh I am not sure, it’s taller than 5ft at least

Time: night! (Well I wrote most of this last night, but now it’s the evening of the next day!)

Birthday: well I’m a Pisces, so my birthday is between Feb 19th and march 20th!

Fave band/group: Pentatonix! Or For King and Country. Or the piano guys, the vitamin string quartet, Voctave.....also Phineas and the Ferbtones👌

Fave solo artists: I really like Lauren Daigle, and Jackie Evancho used to be my FAVE. Aaand idk if this counts but Michael Giacchino! love his scores, especially the score for Inside Out. There’s also this guy called Clay Kramer on YouTube who makes KK Slider covers of popular music, his stuff gives me so much seratonin😅

Song Stuck in my Head: Well I’m listening to music rn and “I’m Me” from Phineas and Ferb is on so I’ll say that! (I’ll revisit this one when I finish the list and update it with whatever song i’m listening to/is stuck in my head then) (ok the music has since been turned off and now I have “Status Quo” from High School Musical stuck in my head so! There ya go!) (now it is the next day, and I’ve got “when the party’s over” stuck in my head...i think these three songs are an accurate reflection of my taste in music🤣)

Last Movie: uhhhhh oh yeah, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice! It was SO GREAT because Jay Baruchel plays the main character (and the main character is super awkward), so I felt like I was watching Hiccup from the How To Train Your Dragon franchise learn magic and it was GLORIOUS. And also Nicholas Cage is great. And I liked the love interest in the movie as well!! She had a role to play in the story and felt authentic and genuine, which I appreciated!

Last Show: ok well the last show I watched by myself was Phineas and Ferb! Specifically, the episode with the Mardi Gras block party and then the one where Candace and Stacy compete in an obstacle course against Isabella and Ginger (omg wAIT ginger and Stacy are sisters and Isabella and Candace are GOING to be sisters mY HEART I—AH🥺). I hadn’t watched those episodes in forever, so they were really fun to revisit! I think the last actual show I watched was Kids Baking Championship or something, lol. (Those kids are AMAZING. So skilled!)

When i created this blog: November 2019! It was riiiight after the season 3 finale of miraculous aired and absolutely wrecked my emotions. I had some fanfic written that I’d never posted and had been thinking about making a tumblr/ao3 for awhile, and seeing the finale made me finally go, “.....you know what, yeah. The finale is aired, no more spoilers.....it’s time to make a blog.” So I did! And I posted my first fic! And I’m so happy i did :)

What Do I Post: a bunch of multi fandom stuff XD. This blog started off as 90% Miraculous, 10% other fandoms I like...but now it’s just kind of a hodgepoge of my favorite fandoms (with a focus on Phineas and Ferb, lol). I reblog a lot of posts, and then I post original stuff too! I write fanfic, nowadays for Phineas and Ferb but for Miraculous in the past (and probably in the future!), I draw art (mostly Phinabella art because I’ve been drawing them since i was 11 and it feels good to return to my roots), and OCCASIONALLY I will write an analysis post (I’ve got one in the works rn actually 👀), attempt to make a meme, or dip my toe into salt just SLIGHTLY before quickly backing away, lol. If I were to list the fandoms I post about in the order of how frequently I post about them, I’d probably say: Phineas and Ferb, Miraculous....and thennnnn everything else is pretty random and depends on the day, lol.

Last thing i googled: Jay Baruchel 😂. Couldn’t remember how to spell his last name!

Other blogs: this is my only blog! Sometimes I think about making a separate blog for my art and writing, but I am not sure if I should or not....maybe I will someday, but idk. I also have an AO3 for fanfic and an Instagram for art! All are under the name “authenticcadence18.”

Do I get asks: sometimes, yeah!! Sometimes I reblog ask games/prompts and get some asks for those (I’ve got so many prompts in my inbox I want to write/draw things for...ah it’s fine, I’ll get to it eventually😅), and sometimes lovely people will leave thoughts or nice messages in my inbox🥺💕. I’ve got a specific tag for all those nice messages so I can read back over them whenever I need a boost!

Why this url: it’s a music pun! When a song/section of a piece of music ends with a dominant chord resolving to a tonic chord (if you’ve read a certain fic of mine you should know allll about dominant and tonic chords👀🤣), it’s called an authentic cadence! There are different kinds of cadences, and authentic ones are my favorite. One example of this is “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.” I also use this blog to be my authentic, fandom-loving self! So I like authentic cadences, and also, I’m Cadence and using this blog to be authentic! Woo! (And 18 is just my favorite number, lol) I’m glad I ended up choosing a name that doesn’t tie to a specific fandom becaaaaaause this ended up being a multi fandom blog!

Following: 232!!

Followers: 292!!! (THANKS SO MUCH Y’ALL ILY 💕)

Average amount of sleep: wellllll for the past week and a half I was sick so I was probably getting 9ish hours a night (because I would sleep in really late, lol). but NOW? In my immediate future? I suspect my average amount of sleep is going to go down because I’m really bad about staying up late even when I have to get up early😅. Hoping to be good about getting at least 7ish hours a night!

Lucky number: 18! But y’all probably already guessed that, lol.

Instruments: my voice, piano, ukulele, viola (but it’s been a HOT minute), aaaand i used to be able to play guitar but then I got a ukulele and forgot all the guitar chords. (I also dabble in songwriting! I primarily use voice and piano when writing music.)

What I’m wearing: my favorite sweatshirt (that was last night, rn I have on a tanktop), some leggings, and socks!

Dream job: I’m currently learning to be a teacher, and I LOVE teaching and working with kids so that is definitely a job I’m really excited about!!! I would also love to portray characters at Disney or something (well, maybe not at Disney because I hear they’re strict, but like....I want to be Rapunzel or Anna or something, that would be so fun). OR, I would LOVE to work in tv animation somehow, be it voice acting, writing scripts/music, and/or story boarding. basically if I could do what Dan and Swampy did for Phineas and Ferb/Milo Murphy’s Law, I would LOVE THAT. (Especially the writing music part. Getting to write music for established characters and get PAID for it would be SO COOL.!.!.!) Also I think it would be so fun to write Disney storybooks! Like, those books that are about Cinderella baking a cake or Ariel befriending a seahorse, stuff like that. Those brought me a ton of joy as a child!

Dream trip: I want to visit alllll the Disney parks someday😅. (Not right now because, ya know, Covid...but someday!)

Fave food: uhhh i really like pizza. And popcorn. Also hummus and guacamole!

nationality: American

Fave songs: “Times” by Tenth Avenue North; “Can’t Help Falling in Love” (I made an entire playlist of just this song when I first started writing my fic of the same name, so I like the original and a ton of covers of it!), “Show Yourself” from Frozen II, “What Might Have Been” from Phineas and Ferb (and lots of other songs from that show, i made a whole post about that once but I can’t find it, oof); “Rescue” by Lauren Daigle; “Thank You” by Pentatonix; “I See the Light” from Tangled; “Your Hands” by JJ Heller; “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran.....i like a loooot of songs so this is just the tip of the iceberg, but I think that’s good for now, LOL! (As soon as I post this I’m going to remember another song I love, lol)

last book: I got the book Unbirthday for Christmas! It’s basically Disney’s Alice in Wonderland, but if she’d never gone to wonderland and things went horribly wrong there. (I think, I’m not that far into it yet, lol)

Top 3 fictional universes I’d love to live in: 1. DANVILLE, PLS. Especially as a kid, I SO would’ve loved to hang out with Isabella and Phineas and the rest of the gang! Danville is so vibrant and unique and people are always randomly breaking into song there, that’s my kind of place! 2. Fairytopia (from the Barbie movies!) because I could be a fairy OR a mermaid OR BOTH and eat seeweed to breathe underwater even if I wasn’t a mermaid. Like, that’s the dream right there. (I’ve always loved mermaids and fairies, lol!) 3. Maybe San Fransokyo from Big Hero 6? All of the technology in that universe is really cool! And I would love to eat a noodle burger, lol .

Oh! That’s the last one! Wow! This was so FUN!!!!!!! Thanks again for the tag, Maddy!!!! :)

I’ll taaaag @sketchy-panda @macaronsforchat @simplynewyorkbound @inkjackets and anyone else who’d like to do this! (And pls don’t feel pressured to play at all, or answer all of the questions! I was definitely vague with a few of my answers, lol)

[littlepanduh-writes-365]

Day 44

Title: “Paradigm Shift”

Description: During a gaming session, Sooyoung gives some exciting news that makes Hyejoo think about her life.

Features: Sooyoung X Hyunjin X Olivia Hye, slight Hyewon(Loona)

Word Count: 2,325

Tags: Fluff | College AU

(image from Pinterest)

“Yo, Hyejoo. Wanna join for some Mario Kart tonight?”

“Sorry, Hyun. I’m kinda busy tonight. Maybe another time?”

“Gang Beasts tonight? Sooyoung’s joining, too.”

“I’m not in the mood. Sorry. Maybe another time?”

“Hyejoo. Come join us for some Rainbow Six.”

For once, Hyejoo is interested, but there’s a blank document in front of her and its paired midnight deadline convinced her not to play.

“Sorry, Soo. I have a paper due at midnight. Next time?” The college student genuinely wishes she didn’t procrastinate this bad. 

I know it looks this way, but the three sisters aren’t that distant with each other. After Sooyoung and Hyunjin left for university, they didn’t see each other as often, but still bonded through online gaming.

It all started when they were younger. Sooyoung had granted Hyunjin the responsibility of taking care of her Nintendogs when she went to a summer camp. Usually Hyejoo, too young to play, would sit next to her and sometimes they switched off taking care of the Sharpei they virtually adopted. 

As they grew up, their tastes for video games changed as well. Sooyoung mostly grew out of them, having to take care of her younger siblings and started pursuing dancing. Of course, during college, she wouldn’t hesitate to join in party games, like Just Dance and trivia games. Hyunjin became a sports star, but still played video games. She enjoyed low-stress, life simulation games, but also occasionally played FIFA with her teammates. 

Hyejoo had a funny relationship with extracurricular activities. Growing up, she was always dragged into watching her sisters’ dance recitals or soccer games, so she tended to have low energy. She tried dance and soccer and actually showed potential in both hobbies, but had no interest or motivation in either. By the time she was in high school, she only continued what she enjoyed, which was just playing video games. She specifically enjoyed shooting and battle royale games, but she could play anything. 

As both Sooyoung and Hyunjin transitioned into university and adult life, they tried their best keeping in touch with their youngest sister. When video calls became awkward, Hyunjin brought up the idea of playing Mario Kart online together and talking through Discord. Sooyoung had to go buy herself a Switch and Hyejoo didn’t like the idea of spending more than 30 minutes talking to her sisters, but the experience was a pleasant surprise. The two older siblings couldn’t help enjoying the serotonin boost they would get when hearing competitive Hyejoo screaming and threatening them with embarrassing secrets from the past when Hyunjin threw a Blue Shell or Sooyoung Bullet Bill-ed past her. An hour passed and Hyunjin was ready to log out, but couldn’t resist it when Hyejoo asked, “One more round?” 

The gaming continued when Hyejoo went to university. Even though it wasn’t their style, the three of them would play whatever was popular and multiplayer, whether it be PUBG or Smash. 

Eventually, scheduling time to play with Hyejoo was a little unsuccessful. In her last year of university, she became busy with school and actually became more social. You could catch her playing intramural soccer or at the dance studio. She was even dating someone and worked at a nearby bakery. Hyejoo could’ve made time for her siblings, but replaying the same courses and campaigns for hours wasn’t stimulating enough for her. 

Tonight’s a little different. It’d been nearly 2 months since she spoke to her sisters and Gowon was scolding her to spend time with them. Even though her computer was starting to run slow, she downloaded the new zombie game Sooyoung mentioned and logged onto her Discord account.

“Nice of you to finally join us, Hyejoo.” Sooyoung naturally scolds her first. 

“I know. I thought you were going to abandon us.” Hyunjin spoke in a higher tone and it made Hyejoo cringe. 

“Stop being fucking dramatic, Soo. I’m busy with school.”

Hyunjin scoffs. “You’re busy dating your Minecraft girlfriend. I see you online.”

Hyejoo scowls. She turns around, making sure said girlfriend wasn’t in the room. “She’s my real girlfriend, too, you know?”

Sooyoung just chuckles. “I’ll see it when I believe it. When are you introducing her to mom and dad?”

“I don’t know. Maybe during the next holiday?”

“Can you bring some snacks from your work?” Hyunjin shoves herself in front of the camera, as if trying to corner her little sister. 

“Hyun, that’s not important.”

“What's more important than bread?”

“Kim Jiwoo. That’s what’s more important than bread.”

Hyejoo pinches the bridge of her nose. This was why she didn’t like talking to her sisters for more than 30 minutes. 

“As if, Sooyoung. Jeon Heejin is more superior than Jiwoo, but bread is always on top.”

“You say that now, once you get married, you’re going to change your minds.”

There are two gunshots. 

“Hye! Why’d you shoot us?! We’re on the same team?”

“Can you two simps shut up? I just sacrificed 6 gigabytes of space to play this game with you two.”

To Hyejoo’s surprise, Hyunjin’s avatar punches her character and Sooyoung takes her out with a headshot. Hyejoo’s about to seek revenge until Sooyoung starts talking again. 

“Yah. I’ve seen your Instagram story posts. Once you two get together, you’re gonna be whipped for her, too. It’s in the Ha genetics.”

“For fucks sake, I am dating Gowon! And why would anyone be proud of being whipped?” Hyejoo starts shooting at her sisters but they run away from the lobby before starting a campaign. 

It always starts with small talk. It usually consists of their jobs, what they’re doing on the weekends, and each other’s girlfriends. Hyejoo liked hearing from her sisters, but she couldn’t help but feel a little pathetic hearing about their numerous plans while she just wanted to get through school. Conversations like this is where they found out that Sooyoung became a manager at a well known dance school. The last time they talked, Hyunjin was talking about taking Heejin to Disneyland. Hyejoo was slightly jealous because she wants to spoil Gowon, too, but with the minimum wage she’s earning, she can only afford the new gaming mouse Gowon wanted. 

Like always, she’ll just listen. Listen and shoot. Maybe she’ll learn a new lesson from the mistakes her sisters laugh about, but she’s too busying carrying the team for the most part. 

The three have just finished a round when Hyunjin asks for a break so she can eat. Hyejoo checks her phone to see a few texts from Gowon. 

Sooyoung opens a conversation. “Hey guys, I need to tell you something.” 

“Go right ahead,” Hyejoo says before chugging some water. Hyunjin just hums before biting into some pasta that Heejin brought in about 15 minutes ago. 

“I haven’t told mom and dad, yet because we’re still thinking about it,” Sooyoung takes a deep breath, “Jiwoo and I want to try for a kid.”

Hyejoo stops looking at her phone. She stares at Sooyoung through the screen. “Oh damn. Really?”

Sooyoung offers a smile. Hyejoo can’t help but soften up at the honey dripping out of her sister’s eyes. “Yeah. She keeps talking about how cute her students are so I brought up the conversation. We’re gonna start going to fertilization clinics and adoption centers to see our options. I don’t think anything’s going to happen in the coming year or two, but I just wanted to let you guys know.” She sighs. “I’m kinda excited actually.”

“Congrats, unnie!” Hyunjin lets out a chuckle. “The idea of a little Jiwoo running around and doing taekwondo flips sounds adorable.”

Sooyoung whines. “What about a little Th-ooyoungie dancing in the living room?”

“Don’t ever use that fucking voice again.” Hyejoo grimaces in disgust. 

Hyunjin didn’t spare a pause for disagreement. “I second that.” Sooyoung never used aegyo so it was slightly unbearable hearing that. 

“Whatever.” Sooyoung sighs. “It’s just— it’s kinda surreal thinking about having a kid.”

Hyejoo also agrees. Maybe it’s because she’s looking forward to building her career or the fact that she doesn’t know where to begin in taking care of a kid that the idea of her own children seems foreign. She’s thought about adopting a dog, but a human being?

Hyunjin asks Sooyoung about the logistics, like the future of their current jobs and who would carry the child if they decided to not adopt. 

Hyejoo listens, but her mind gets clouded thinking about a little Sooyoung or Jiwoo running around and giggling and maybe even playing with a little controller. Hyunjin will compete to be the favorite aunt, but she’ll share with Heejin. She knows Gowon will be a better aunt than her, but she still wants to be a part of that kid’s life. Even though she wasn’t the most active, she wants to take that future kid to the park and kick a ball around and teach them pranks. 

The idea warmed Hyejoo’s heart. 

For a second, Hyejoo zones back into the conversation. Sooyoung eggs Hyunjin about finishing dental school so she can start her own family, too. 

Then it hits Hyejoo. 

It’ll still be in the far future, but maybe she needs to grow up a little more. There’s going to be little Sooyoung and soon enough there will be a little Hyunjin. 

Hyejoo needs to stop cursing. Maybe she needs to go home more and keep her parents company. She’ll learn how to cook something besides instant ramen and fried rice. 

Things are going to be different. They’re all growing up. Sooyoung’s moving up positions. Hyunjin is going to finish dental school. Hyejoo was going to graduate soon. 

Hyejoo was more than used to being away from her family during the school year, but then it hits her. 

The two neighboring rooms back home were going to be empty. Her two sisters are eventually going to stop coming home for holidays. 

The three of them are not going to play video games.

It’ll no longer be just the three of them. 

Hyejoo let’s that sink in a little. The days of shooting zombies and racing around Nintendo tracks and visiting each other’s islands will significantly lesson.

The maknae suddenly feels guilty of declining all those game requests. Although all reasons were valid, she feels like she should’ve made more time for her sisters.

She hears Hyunjin whining at something Sooyoung said. Hyejoo flinches a smile, remembering how fifteen years ago, they were bullying each other at the playground.

Some things didn’t change. 

And maybe some things still won’t change.

The future is uncertain and maybe she shouldn’t think too much about it.  

At least she has the present. She can still play with her sisters now. She can play with them next week, next month. 

“Hye? Are you okay? You’ve been pretty quiet.” 

Hyejoo tried to think of a snarky comeback, but couldn't think of anything. Surprisingly, her ego doesn’t get to her and just comes clean. “Yeah. I’m just thinking about a little Sooyoung. It’s kinda cute actually. Congrats, Soo.”

Her two older sisters just stare at her through the camera. “Wow. It must be late. Hyejoo’s being nice. Let’s just do one more round and call it a night.”

Hyejoo scoffs. She wants to curse, but holds herself back. 

-

“You guys down for a few rounds of Smash?”

“Sounds good. Is Hye joining?”

Hyejoo puts down her phone. “Gowonnie.” She nudges the girl next to her. They were watching a variety show together while snuggling. 

Gowon just hums, a little engrossed in the show. 

“I’m gonna go play with my sisters. Is that okay?”

Her girlfriend just smiles and rolls her eyes. “Why do you even ask? You know I’m going to say yes.”

Hyejoo doesn’t want to admit that she just wants to be chummy. “If you had plans in mind, I was just going to reschedule.” 

Gowon just shrugs. “I mean I’m craving fried chicken, but that’s not worth rescheduling.” She then shoves Hyejoo off of her. “Go.”

The younger one grumbles, but makes her way to their gaming room. 

As she turns on the light, she admires the room they have created. On one side, her girlfriend has a pastel setup. It contrasts her black black setup. 

An idea finally sparks in her head. She walks back outside and peaks back into their small living room. 

“Gowonnie, do you want to join us?”

--

“Are you really her girlfriend?”

“Of course she’s my girlfriend. She wouldn’t have been playing with us for the past hour if we’re not dating.” Hyejoo puts her head on Gowon’s shoulder. Hyunjin and Sooyoung are entertained by their little sister’s webcam showing an abandoned chair while Gowon’s webcam showed Hyejoo being soft and protective of a bright and rather crunchy lady.

“She’s not paying you with credits or diamonds or something?”

Gowon giggles. “That sounds like a better bargain.” She turns to her girlfriend and pats her head. “I’m tired of carrying you. Starting next month, I’m expecting 2,000 Battle Points or I’m going to stop doing your laundry.”

Hyunjin chokes on her water. Sooyoung’s jaw dropped. 

Hyejoo pouts. “Park Chaewon.”

“Wow. I like her already. I think mom will like her, too.”

“How did you meet such a nice person, Hye? She’s pretty, too. I didn’t know you had it in you.”

Gowon smiles. “Thank you. It’s nice to know Hyejoo’s siblings are nice.” She turns to Hyejoo. “You should learn something from your sisters. Forget it. I’m upping the payment to 4,000 Battle Points.”

Hyejoo pouts and gives a quick peck on Gowon’s cheek. “Can I pay you with love instead?”

Hyunjin gags. “I don’t know if I’ll get used to this.”

“She got that from you, Hyun. Don’t deny it.” Sooyoung scolds her younger sister.

“You’ve been dating, Jiwoo-unnie longer! She got that from you!”

Gowon giggles. Hyejoo can’t help, but admire her girlfriend. She pleased how well things were coming along. 

--

Socials: Twitter | Curious Cat

[thechroniclesofwriting]

TW: racism, bullying, brief mention of my own ED.

A couple of days ago, I was thinking how I originally got involved in the BLM movement. I remembered this story, which was my turning point, and I wanted to share. I want to say that this is not me tooting my own horn or saying I did a great thing. I did a decent thing for family. More than anything else, this is about my insurmountable white ignorance before this happened to me.

tl;dr: Had an insight into the bias of the world that POC live in. It made me a better person. So POC, I am asking you to call me out. I’m going to work really hard on making myself better, and the burden of that is on me. But if you’ve got something to say to me, say it. You’re helping me evolve, you’re helping me to better support you. I want to be the best ally I can possibly be. It will not be taken with offence, it will be taken with thanks.

For context, I am the oldest child of all my cousins (there are eight of us), by about 6 years. One Christmas, I told one of my cousins, a girl (exactly) a decade younger than me, that I would be there for her, no matter what. I mean, they all knew that, but I really wanted to reiterate it to her. I think that every older cousin has one younger one that to them, that is their absolute baby. P was that for me. Sure, I love and adore and would happily care for (for free) all of my cousins (even the 5 y-o), but despite the age gap, we just...clicked. I knew P was having a hard time at school, and I shared my own stories of bullying and eating disorders and all sorts of other awful things. I wanted her to know she wasn’t alone. I never really expected her to take me up on it - she was beautiful (like, crazy stunning), sociable and clever. At that age, I was short and busty, had cystic acne, greasy hair, untreated endometriosis, glasses, braces, my hobby was reading and I was quick to react when provoked. Put simply, I was an unattractive nerd. But she was tall and lithe, clever and calm, blessed with perfect skin, teeth and eyesight (drat her). In my ignorance, I assumed that she’d be one of the pretty girls that succeeded in sociability, *as well as* academics. And oh fucking boy I was wrong.

P rang me about two months later from her mum’s phone. She‘d stolen it, and was hiding under the bed, in her bedroom. We chatted for a bit, and then, after a moments silence, she whispered down the phone that she was being bullied. Her voice was so scared, it was awful to even listen to. As I gently asked her to talk about it, I realised why she was scared. She wasn’t being bullied like I was (I was a nerd, and I went through puberty before all my friends - meaning boobs and extra weight). Her type of bullying was so, so much worse. Her bullies were picking on her smarts, sure, but their main target was her skin.

Her mother, my Dad’s sister, is a specific type of Irish white - we burn when we think about the sun.

But her dad is Indian. He’s one of the most generous, kind, and intelligent people I have ever met. But these kids had packages that down into one thing...his brown skin.

She was 8 years old.

The girls from her school were telling her to ‘go back to the streets where she belonged’. They were following her on her walk home after school, because they ‘couldn’t believe that she lived in a house’. They told her she was ugly and dirty because she was brown. But the worst part, was that she didn’t want to tell anyone because she was *ashamed* of her own damn skin and her own damn heritage. I was utterly heartbroken for her. I wanted to drive the 3 hours to her home just to hug her. I also wanted throw those tiny bitches out a window. I couldn’t, as I was pretty ill myself, but let me tell you, rage is a good motivator to get well. Incredibly, I was okay enough to drive to see her two weeks later.

When I eventually got there, I had a secondary quiet chat with her mum (I had called her after I had hung up with P, to give her a heads up). She had dealt with the whole situation. Personally I think she was much calmer than I ever could have been - I was seeing red. I think that she too was furious, but she’s always been good at keeping her emotions in check. The situation had been resolved with the school, and the girls were seriously reprimanded and given a weeks worth of curriculum on racism. But the whole thing stuck with me. I think it was because though we are so similar (she’s also a sarcastic asshole) my bullies had never said anything like this. No one had ever picked on my *colour* (lest I was sunburned). I realised that if I was a POC, my torment could’ve been so much worse, and that’s what my baby had to endure.

That was my wake up call. That was the day the concept of privilege hit me square in the face. The irony of the situation was, her parents are incredibly well off. More so than my own. Her dad is thrice a doctor (he graduated in India, had to retake his exams in both England, where he met my aunt, and again in Australia, where they live now) and is a highly sought after radiologist. But even that that still didn’t protect her. The day I heard her little voice break down the phone line, is the day I realised no POC was safe until we had systemic change.

Next year, they’re moving from their town, which is three hours away, to the town my family and I live in. I’m really excited. It’ll be nice to pick the girls up from school, to treat them to McDonalds on the way home, and to look after them when their parents are away. I’ve got a little fold out bed in my tiny apartment for one of them, and the other can sleep on the sofa bed. I’ll get to shower then with love because I’ll be *present*. But mostly I’m excited because, for the first time ever, our weekly check-in chats will be face to face. I’ll be able to hug her on the spot. I’ll be able to hold her if she cries. I’ll be able to congratulate her on her achievements, rather than woo-ing down the phone line. And yeah, I’ll also be close enough to throw any prospective little turds out the schools cloisters windows.

Actively wanting to learn about racial injustice, changed my life. I can’t imagine feeling like my skin colour was a target of hatred, even in Australia. It terrifies me that one day, my babies might go to America, but I know I can’t wrap them in bubble wrap.

So here’s my pledge. I know I don’t know your pain. I certainly don’t feel your pain. I am still an outsider looking in, and I always will be. But I want to help. I want to learn. Please push me, please correct me, please call me out. I think that I am very lucky in that this is personal for me but I am so very privileged that this comes without danger to my own being.

Today, P is 14, her sister is 11, and they’re both strong and clever and beautiful and wicked funny. They’re just at that age where I’m old and uncool, but that’s okay. I like being embarrassing. Even if they don’t know it, they’ve given me a gift. I’ve been given a tiny, horrible, painful insight into *every* mother and father and sister and brother and cousin and grandparent and spouse and friend and colleague who is scared for someone else in the US (and beyond) right now.

I want to be better. Help me be better. I don’t think that if I follow the usual politically correct limitations, I’m fine. I want to be more than fine. I want to be voting for women of colour and marching with the movement. I want to be more that a black tile on an Instagram page. I desperately don’t want to be the girl who assumes that bc my best friend, and cousins, are POC, I’m immune. I’m not. I want to be an ally, one who passes the mic, who steps aside, who says that ‘it’s not about me’.

So this is my rant and this is my promise. I promise I will learn. I promise I will take criticism. I promise that I will choose from POC businesses over cheaper options. I promise that next (Australian) election, I will vote for a person of colour. I promise I will protest and make signs and send politicians letters and sign petitions. I promise will actively search out new information to educate myself with. I promise I will fight past this trend, past a black tile on social media. I promise I will not walk away. Followers, please hold me accountable, always.

Having said all of this. I truly believe in voting with your wallet. So, if anyone knows any POC run organisations, businesses, stores, political movements, protests, artists, designers or anything else, I would be forever grateful if you could link me to them. I’m a weirdly organised person, and I’ve started Christmas shopping. This year my family is only doing Christmas presents that are made/created/run by POC. I know there’s a chance that we’ll all find one website and ordering from there, which is great, but I want to broaden my gift-giving horizons. If you’re a creator, I really really want to see your work. Thus far, I have one painting, by an indigenous Australian artist, for my mum.

[glitterfilledtrashcan]

I ended up drawing the older/adult versions of my rapr smeets! I’m still working things out, but here’s what I have so far.

Flirt:

-The third one of the clutch born

-Tallest of her siblings, but shorter than both Red and Purple by a small fraction

-Worked her way through the Irken military (With some obvious help from her status as the Tallest’s smeet + being from the first natural born clutch in a long while)

-Lost her eye, has several other injuries that are mostly kept hidden under clothing

-The Tallest’s favorite (Favoritism in them is mostly based on height)

-After sustaining her injuries, because she still wanted to be part of the military without having to be out in the field, was put into the Army Operations Manager position after the last guy was 'sadly’ found unfit for the job and was reprogrammed to work as a janitor on a faraway and hostile planet. I’m sure he’s enjoying that

Byzantium

-The fourth one of the clutch born

-Shortest of her siblings, but still receives a healthy amount of favoritism when compared to how the Tallests treat your average Irken

-Somehow came out quite intelligent despite being the related to/raised by the Tallests 

-She does have her dumb moments, or moments where she’ll lash out and get mad for something very minor and/or unimportant

-She’s a scientist that specifically works in the manufacturing/testing/designing of machinery that benefits everyday life and the military

-Was inspired at a young age by her sire’s(Red’s) designs of some artillery that he was working on. (He’s actually quite good at stuff like that thanks to his time before being Tallest)

-Is the shortest scientist on her team. It’s no secret she wouldn’t even be one had it not been for her relationship with her parents, and just what they’d probably do to get her in that position. Only the best for their smeets, after all, even if they are short

Jazzberry:

-First of the clutch born

-Was obviously more than quite the shock, even to her parents who didn’t know of the impending arrival of their smeets

-Some Irkens arient really sure she’s the Tallests’ smeet, even though there’s no other logical conclusion to come to. She’s very nice and bubbly, loves to talk to people and loves physical affection like hugging

-Has a girlfriend who she is very faithful to (Plus the gf’s taller, which Purple and Red love, in the event they somehow have a clutch, or clutches, of their own)

-Was arguably the least favorite of the clutch, or it seems that way to outsiders at least. After all, she’s never really gotten too much special attention, and other than the fact she was the first one born has nothing too special about her

-Red and Purple would still maim or kill anyone who hurt or threatened her, though, not that anyone would be dumb enough to

-Works as a navigator, and it quite good at identifying known constellations and mapping our uncharted ones they’re going through

-Was the easiest one to raise, which is why Red and Purple love her so much, even if they don’t show it publicly too often. She would just lay there and giggle, rarely crying, and more than content to just sit in one of the Tallests’ laps as they looked over reports while her other siblings ran around and caused havok

Periwinkle

-Seconds of clutch born

-Was the largest for a while, giving him a lot of attention he truly did not want from his parents, as well as other Irkens

-He was very relieved when both Smitten and Flirt grew taller than him in their later years

-Somehow ends up eating more than both Red and Purple, mostly because he stress eats

-Enjoys spending time alone, or just with his family. He freezes up and begins stuttering and mumbling when confronted, or even just talked to, by other Irkens on person, and nearly goes fully still and unresponsive when he has to deal with the Computers

-He does much better talking with people he’s not comfortable with over video

-His main job is to keep up to date records. Not only on Irken history, propaganda, etc., but also intelligence gather on enemies, whether through Invaders or otherwise

-He hates when invaders and such give him irrelevant data, as it still needs to be put down. As in, he has to take the time out of his day to sit down and write all thus ‘useless’ data

-Whenever he is seen in public, he is always with Red, Purple, Smitten, or Flirt. He literally has not been seen by himself, in PUBLIC, without one of them since he was a wee smeet. Said individuals are usually a lot more alert/confrontational when with him, keeping others away. It’s mostly instinctual because they can sense his discomfort(through body/antennae language), and immedently get the, ‘Oh no, danger, back off’, instinct. Red and Purple more so, once again due to instinct, more so parental 

-Antennae are very sensitive to vibrations, as well as other ways Irkens communicate using them, so he tends to get very stressed and overwhelmed in crowds, one of the many reasons he can’t stand being in public

Smitten:

-The fifth smeet born

-The more serious out of her siblings

-She does not get along well with Flirt, and is very cold/cordial when she has to speak with her. She also makes her antennae stand up straighter/taller when around her

-This is mostly because she was the first one of the two to get their growth spurt. She got all the attention from her parents and other Irkens, until Flirt shot up past her. Needless to say, Flirt was the one getting the most attention after that, and she wan’t so happy about it

-She gets along well with the rest of her siblings, but gets along with Byzantium the best. She annoys her the least, or so she says

-Other than Flirt, she is the only other one who has killed another person, Irken or otherwise

-Said people may or may not be related to the disappearance of the previous adviser, which the Tallests waved off as something unimportant when brought up to them, as well as some individuals who threatened her position, but also the position of her brother. (More of a, if he won’t do it, I will, sort of deal)

-People wonder when her taller sister is going to go ‘missing’ under ‘mysterious circumstances’, but that honestly wont happen until Red and Purple both pass away. After all, they won’t let the death of their daughter slip under the rug

-Is actually a good adviser. Not the best, but the body counts and over-taken planets are still high and only getting higher

-Rarely speaks to others outside of her family, but does have something going on with a special someone. Someone whose not exactly of the Irken race

All

-All of them don’t have Paks. This is because they were born naturally, and as such, attaching a Pak on them would cause them to, well, not die, but basically be in a comatose state for the rest of their life. Which would probably be extremely shortened due to the body attaching the spinal cord in an attempt to gill the foreign object/invader inside them (The computers knew this from the early days of ‘taking over’ the empire)

-All of them, because they are naturally born, are fully able to produce smeets of their own with ease. Irkens, before they required smeeteries, produced A LOT of smeets, as in 1-12 in a clutch, and could become ‘pregnant’ again soon after. Doesn’t help that all of them can both sire and incubate said smeets. Normal Irkens CAN produce clutches, obviously since they were born, but this scenario was so low the Computers thought it wouldn’t happen

-You see, in this kinda au-thing I’m working on, the Computers couldn’t just make artificial smeets without reproductive and social organs(Like the crop). The first ‘batch’, and the several ones after that through experimenting, were basically useless. They basically could not function because their bodies needed them to A) Produce certain hormones necessary for their survival, and B) Without their social organs they were incapable of forming bonds with other Irkens, and also almost incapable of properly communicating with one another, as even their antennae, which Irkens use to express most of their emotions, were even stiff and un-moving. They also didn’t produce hormones that Irkens usually give off to communicate. Needless to say, that was a mess. Soo..

-The computers kept the organs, but the Paks keep most of their levels down, preventing most clutches to be formed, or if they are, they die shortly after conception. (In fact, although the Tallests don’t know this, they’ve had several of those). This is fine, as most of the Irken population is too busy working and taking over planets that they don’t have time to procreate, meaning their already low chances of having smeets gets even smaller. However, Red and Purple don’t really have this problem, aannnd, they’re the first Tallests to rule together, adding together the fact they are mates. It just led to a lot of failing to conceive clutches until Purple carried one to a term they could just barely live outside the body, completely on accident. Without even knowing he was. Not like they have sex-ed on Irken or anything 

[telli-talks]

Movie Review: ◄Tall Girl►

Netflix

After years of slouching through life, 6-foot-1 teen Jodi resolves to conquer her insecurities and gets caught up in a high school love triangle.

Rated TV-PG, this movie, released in 2019, is 1 hour and 42 minutes long.

Trigger topics include:

Bullying

Car Accident

Cheating (Relationship)

Doctors/Medical

ED, warning

Knives

Violence (Physical)

I couldn't decide what I wanted to do today; so I decided to watch Netflix. Then I couldn't decide what I wanted to watch on netflix; so I went to new releases, scrolled and picked whatever my finger landed on.

It turned out to be Tall Girl, the movie that people have been talking about since it came out in September. Well, a promise is a promise, and this promise was to watch whatever my finger landed on... so, here goes nothing.

I have so many problems with this movie it's not even funny anymore.

1) Date me, I'm a nice guy. I've been your friend forever. Date me. Date me DATE ME. Seriously? Dude, if you can't take no for an answer how are you ever going to deal with every other no you get in life. Take the answer and accept if. Like if I was being bugged by you every single day for the same exact reason I'd get suspended from school for punhing you in the face. She gave you her answer. Now leave her alone!

2) What, I'm not good enough to date you? You have some sort of magic checklist that I'm supposed to hit before you'll date me? Seriously, we've been firends for years; just date me! Shut the fuck up, would you?! She has a right to be specific for whom she wan'ts to date. Leave her the fuck alone. Give up, she's not interested. No means no, for a damn good reason. 

3)Jodie, your fucking parents wanna drug you so you won't be growing taller, like what the fuck? That's some serious bullshit red flags right there and that doctor should have seriously reported this. Doctor patient confidnentiality only goes so far as to not cover the fact that something like 'can we stunt my daughtpr's growth' is a serously dangerously possible thing and can and will cause lifelong consequences. But hey... it could be worse right? (psch- bad is bad, it doesn't matter the reason)

4) Ok, you're tall. We get it. But there's more problems you could be having than idk having to wear size 13 men's nikes. Like oh I don't know. We are on the brink of World War 3... or Ausrailia is on fire. Hey, yeah your parents wanted to drug you as a child so you wouldnt be tall; but at least your parents didn't actually illegally drug you becasue they had no idea how to handle you as a small child with ADHD... Yes, your problems are valid; but do you know just how many people would kill to be as tall as you are. I can tell you this for certain. As gay as I am, a tall girl giving me attention would fuk me up on all sorts of levels of yes please.

5) Have you ever given any thought to your sister as well? Its mentioned that she's been doing beauty pagents from 6 years of age. Did she decide she wanted to do them? Bcause like from what I know its usually because the mother chooses to put the child intho the pagentry. It is also mentioned that the mother used to do pagents. Also can we please talk about how they're eating dinner while Harper has to try on dresses for the pagent? Whose idea was this?

6) Has a suprise like 'oh we're the host familyfor the girl you're crushing on's crush' ever been a good idea? Much less 'suprise we're a host family'? LIke yeah, it's coo to be the one to introduce someone to new things but not if there's already tension, not to mention the fact that they're teenager. Suprises are generally never going to be a good idea.

7) 'If you see me eating carbs, I need you to slap me across the face.' Yeah becasue that's not going to hurt anyone who already sees themseles in a bad light. 'Man I look fat on camera' IS ALREADY VERY SLENDER. Like wtf is wrong with poeple. This is how you get body dysmorphia. This is how you get eating disorders. THIS IS HOW YOUR HAVE A TEENAGER IN THE HOSPIATL WITH A FAILING HEART BECAUSE THEY STARVED THEMSELVES INTO ARRYTHMIA AND NOW THEY NEED A TRANSPLANT. FUcking societal norms and whats to be expected.

8) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA NOONE NEEDS TO MAKE POTTERY LIKE THAT OK

9) Are you seriously trying to learn how to throw knives using a blown up photo of your competition? That..... seriously can't be healthy. Please, get some therapy. I'm begging you.

10) Makeover montage... yay. Because if you want a boy to like you going outside of your bounderies as who you are as a person is the way to go. Really? Are we trying to teach people that to make others like you you need to become someone you're not. I don't like this lesson.

11) Bullying. Seriously? Fuck that.

12) Fareeda is seriously the best character of this entire movie. Hands fucking down.

13) urghhhhhhhh this has all the chile's and they're not even good here like. Girl hiding from enemies accidently runs into the guy she likes? Musical duet, with paino and singing. A Love song at that, I means eriously. Com'on.

14) Your dad is trying so hard to make you being tall be a normal thing, that it's doing the exact opposite and having a detrimental effect instead.

15) Oof. Ok I know that Jack has like the worst crush and iit's really quite bad and i'm not ok with it.but being turned down that hard must've hit him right in the heart. Oof.

16) You might not like the girl... BUT YOU DONT BREAK THE CODE OF SISTERHOOD. Never kiss a taken person! That is wrong on all sorts of levels.

17) I KNOW YOU'RE A PAGENT QUEEN BUT YOU HAVE TO STOP HARMING YOURSELF AND START TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF!

18) And then you have to go and slap your sister?! I mean yes she told you to, but i doubt she actually meant it. Also like never slap your siblings period. Youre teenagers, its time to act like youve learned what words are and to use them.

19) Ouch dude. But like... seriously... this is still not cool. From either of you. PS. you're starting to get creepy.

20) I don't even know what is going on anymore, I'm so confused. ...reminds me of my time in high school.

21) Ouch...

22) Oh yay... high school drama. Now I'm glad this is a) a movie and b) not my social life in high school

23) ... ooookay thennnnnnnn...

24) Teenagers and their idea of relationships. This is not how you do commitment.

25) But this is however how you do sisterly relationships.

26) Sooooooooooo not how you do relationships.

27) Dad points.

28) You don't go into a sleeping person's bedroom.

29) WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR EYE?!

30) THIS IS WHY YOU DONT GO INTO A SLEEPING PERSON'S BEDROOM AND THEN TOUCH THEM!

31) This apology is acceptable to me.

32) Oh holy shit...

33) DANCE TIME... aka makeover montage

34) YAY Popularity Contests!

35) Nice slide outta the way there Harper.

36) Now that's one way to get everyone's attention.

37) Best apology out of the whole movie.

38) Fucking vibe check the whole dance there. Fuck yeah,

39) I'm not rooting for this guy. Just yeet him to the curb.

40) Jodi, really?

41) HECK YEAH JODI!

42) Ok.... DID NOT SEE THAT PART COMING

43) More smooching. This time all parties enjoy it.

44) Ok... I guess that ending wasnt too terrible.

The list aside. I suppose taking everything into consideration the movie wasn't too terribly bad. It's not something that I would nessesarily watch again... or pick as soemthing to watch in the first place. It's just a bit too cliche high school love triangle. I couldn't really find myself enjoying certain parts of the movie due to the sheer ridiculousness of it all.